#i used to believe in dumb things... but still not as much as some ppl like to paint it and not in the same way

[snekdood]

just wish ppl could hate me for the real and genuine reasons to hate me over

[hg-aneh]

Yo, I don't know if you know this but your work is being posted on Pinterest

I sort of knew but never really cared about it until now-?

-lots of angry feed up whining below... and a bit of a breakdown-

Just a few hours ago I saw the comments on some of them and holy shit tiktok children are some of the most braindead individuals i have ever seen

I'm fine with reposts, and if I wasn't, I know I wouldn't be able to stop them

What's pissing me off rn is that my stuff is getting attention from *that* crowd, the booger eating snot nosed mocosos de mierda who are so privileged their main problems are "what's skrimblo skromblo doing now? omg is it problematic??? omg theyre like so evil 💀💀"

I- they're still fucking going with the Crowriel thing- How cool, how fun, totally not making me want to disappear again bc of all the trauma from that particular mess, nope, not at all

And the angel crowley x demon crowley thing- i swear to fucking god i- they're so dumb- they're so stupid- how is it incest you- they're the same person🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉🙉

I even saw some little shit saying "omg i used to like that artist until i found out they draw nsfw" ... WHAT IS HAPPENIGNJDNGKDBG??????¿?¿¿????¿

I swear I'm going insane, I wish I could take my shit away from those people, they're so-??????

Like I'm legit about to enter another joker era, I can't believe this is what fandom spaces are now, what is wrong with people

Sorry I'm using this as a vent post or whatever but honestly I'm tired of being subservient when it comes to these fucking people, at one point a bitch has gotta explode

"Why do you care so much about what ppl say abt you online"

Because I have Seen what happens when you shut up about it. You either address it indirectly or become tiktoklovr103892's punching bag, there's no in between. Each second of silence is an admission of guilt for these motherfuckers

And I know that at the end of the day it doesn't matter but bro just allow me to be emotional over having an online space where I can have fun and take a break from life, be riddled with people who I've seen talking like they're praying for my downfall

Seriously what the fuck

What. the fuck.

.

Now if you'll excuse me

[corruptedfilessys]

DISCLAIMER

This is simply an awareness post!! If you still wanna support c0stiffen or whatnot, that's fine, and I'll try my best to respect that. I simply wanna share my experiences with them and a few of their friends.

If you're an adult, you can move over to a document that I have made that includes all important information WITH screenshots and evidence.

ADULTS ONLY

If you're a minor, this post is a quick run down of what's in the document without showing anything inappropriate.

Simply explained, c0stiffen and I exchanged NSFW art and conversations whilst they were an adult, and I was 16 (and then newly 17). These include art clearly depicting sexual acts with genitals that we both drew. The ones they drew and 2 of mine were specifically of their Giarven AU (in this AU, they're supposed to be adults!)

Due to the sensitivity of this subject, I can't show proof of this here. Everything is in the document for ADULTS.

This is not to point all the fingers at c0stiffen. I did a lot of dumb stuff throughout the situation too, I should have been more responsible. Not only have other ppl (mostly minors) seen my nsfw art, many went on to do the same. One even made a whole NSFW server full of minors (c0stiffen wasn't a part of it, I don't think there were any adults there.) I feel disgusted with myself, I wish I never did this to begin with. I can't help but despise myself. I should have just left at that moment and I'm sorry.

This is not a guilt trip, I'm afraid it'll come off as that, unfortunately.

What I can show is proof of them purposefully deleting these drawings, as currently, there's only one left. That one I believe they forgot to delete as it's isolated from every other art.

I should point out that I don't usually draw NSFW. Those pictured were some of my last ones, I made a few others around the same time and that was it. I drew 2 pieces of NSFW before this entire situation for myself only as I struggle with sexual trauma and I use it to cope. I never intended on making so many and I shouldn't have done that as a minor. Truth be told, it made me feel seen and special. Every piece got me so much attention and I didn't want it to end, it felt nice.

Something I can share as it's not sexually driven are situations where C0stiffen hurt me, knew they hurt me and still refused to apologise.

Situation 1

When I was still talking to c0stiffen, I remember them getting pretty carried away with their opinions on things. At that point it felt like it was their life goal to insult my comfort character. For context, my comfort character is Sada and over the months she just became more and more special to me, often being my only source of comfort. I won't delve into this too much, in short, I think she's misunderstood, she is extremely flawed but not evil.

C0stiffen made it pretty apparent that they hated her and never failed to remind me. In each of costiffen's AUs Arven canonically despised his mother, they even made up a lie how Sada ‘intentionally starved Arven’ and that it's confirmed to be canon. Many role plays we did of them generally stressed me out, but that's my fault for not speaking out. I inserted my version of Sada into one of heir AUs (Arven is a Prince, Sada is a queen, etc), they even made art of her

C0stiffen proceeded to mischaracterize her and make her into a bad mother again. Saying she's a bad mother for leaving her kids when literally the lore was she was about to be killed and had to flee, but I digress.

I approached c0stiffen about this as I was genuinely getting hurt, and I wanted to talk to them:

They were nice about it, I'm not saying they weren't. But not once did I get a single apology for them simply lying about her and freely hating her in front of me as if I'm not bothered by that. Also I genuinely believed my Sada was supposed to be the ‘canon’ version, I was never informed she wasn't, I don't know whether this is a lie or the truth. Take it with a grain of salt.

I'm not saying c0stiffen has to love or even like Sada, I don't care if they hate her, I wanted them to keep it to themselves and not share that hatred in spaces where I was and felt safe in. Those servers in particular were the ones I was most active in at that time. C0stiffen’s Sada and Turo are mostly based on their own parents from what they said, which is fine, but again, I don't wanna be around that.

It isn't overreacting if I'm simply stating my boundaries. And I think I deserve an apology for having my feelings ignored like this.

I'm gonna make a response to something c0stiffen said at one time. Apparently I was ‘angry’ when they said “Giacomo's mom > Sada”

Simply said, I wasn't angry, I was more hurt than angry and they have no right to shame me for that. I was simply hurt because of all the other things that were stacked onto it.

Maybe I was jealous, I just really wanted MY VERSION of Sada, who feels like an oc I had for years, to be loved like every other character. But just because of the stupid canon story, she can't. I tried so hard, I bent over backwards to get them to love at least my version of her. I'm sure if I gave the same exact story to a completely original oc instead, even them would be treated better than this.

I don't need c0 to like Sada, but I feel like they're blinded by the canon to just notice mine is different. They hate Sada so much they can't put that hate away for even an AU version that helped their friend feel loved and safe and that's what hurts so much. They treat her like the canon one and they treat that one like shit already. They need to accept the fact that they can't just dump on someone's comfort character and expect the person to not be upset. No matter how much I'll hate a character I won't make up petty lies about them to make them appear worse especially in front of someone who really likes said character, even worse if said person relates to the character. It's gonna make them feel incredibly shitty about themselves.

Apologies for the heated section.

Situation 2

During the end of July me and a friend got into a petty fight about a headcanon and I ended up leaving the server we were in to cool off. I have problems with my emotions and it's impossible to regulate them sometimes, I feel them physically, whenever I'm upset I feel genuine pain and I can't calm down. To deal with this I learned a flight strategy of just fleeing the situation to calm down and fixing stuff when I'm more grounded. I was hoping people understood that, even if they wouldn't, I was perfectly fine explaining it once I was feeling better.

The next day when I felt better, I planned on apologizing and explaining why I acted the way I did.

Long story short, multiple people cut contact with me, many people I trusted and called friends, no one wanted to hear my side of the story, everyone heard out Paltic (now former friend) who spread false rumors around me and screenshots that were taken out of context. Such as that I was a creep for sending NSFW to minors as if others weren't doing the exact same thing and I in particular was being influenced by an adult. Paltic is C0stiffen’s friend. I was struggling a lot mentally and even had a failed suicide attempt, I was easily irritated and exploded at people a lot.

When Paltic posted a “call out” post on me that was filled with what I said, things when taken out of context make me look like a bad person, etc. He called me awful for things his friends did too, but didn't call them out on it. He filled my partner with lies and that made them leave me, thinking I was a bad person. C0stiffen still failed to see how Paltic could be bad for doing this.

I made a response, which was pretty heated, I made an updated one later on. But that day C0stiffen dmed me that I should ‘stop’. That I was stressing them and everyone out, telling me that “they thought they were my friend” telling me how badly this is affecting them mentally as if I wasn't the one struggling the most in this situation. I was losing people I felt like I couldn't live without, there was a post about me that could potentially ruin my life when I did nothing wrong. I apologized for anything I genuinely did wrong.

I need to add something onto this

C0stiffen/Paltic like to use this moment to say I was comparing our traumas/using traumas against them, I wasn't doing that and in fact it was never on my mind to begin with. I brought up something that happened to them a while ago hoping it would help them see how I was feeling as the situations were similar. I wasn't thinking clearly at that time, but that's no excuse and I shouldn't have done that.

I apologized to them multiple times, at first I didn't want to as that's something they never did to me, but I wanted to do the right thing.

I wanna point out, I'm in no way saying I'm the greatest friend or person. I'm far from that, I am flawed, I do bad stuff, I hurt people (unintentionally). I have a lot of things to work on as someone whose mental health problems impact everything in their life such as behavior.

But I'm not a bad person, never did I truly had horrible intentions and wanted to hurt somebody just for the sake of simply hurting somebody. I explode, I say things I'm not proud of when I'm provoked, but nothing of those I would actually say if I was just given the chance to calm down and deal with it calmly.

It's hard to have a friend like me simply because of how much care I need, and I'm sorry for that. I'm never gonna force someone to be my friend, but I want to end on good terms. I don't see the point in treating a mentally ill person like a bad person simply because they happen to be ill and for no better reason otherwise. There's better ways to go about this than make the person feel like worthless trash. I wanna be told if I do something bad, I'm so used to my symptoms that there's times when I genuinely don't notice that I could be doing something wrong. I wanna take accountability for my own mental illness, but I'm not being given a chance to do that calmly. I am forced to admit I'm a bad person whilst everyone else are angels even though they're far from being innocent.

I don't wanna be treated like a bad person simply for experiencing symptoms I can't control or being influenced by a third party. As friends I hoped they would help me grow and deal with these things.

If they don't wanna do that, they should have calmly ended the friendship, not that they spread false rumors of me, make people hate me, and then treat me like I don't exist as if that's not gonna make me feel like I don't deserve to be fucking alive.

Conclusion

I wholeheartedly believe c0stiffen or their friends are gonna contact me in their defence. To that, I say, get the hell away from me. You aren't innocent, stop acting like it and take the fucking fault for once. I didn't start any of this.

My DMs are closed to trusted friends only for my safety. Please respect that.

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[oreo102]

Please I'm so so curious to hear your thoughts on 10/14

Ok so my thoughts on 10 are less than 14 so let’s start with him lol. I have not watched 10, so my hatred of him is more hatred by proxy of how the fandom treats him and proxy of 14, but I still do have a few specific thoughts and this will be long and definitely rambly

A) when talking about him I usually refer to him as Fandom’s Favorite White Boy or Pathetic Wet Cat/Twink mostly because it’s funny but for now I’ll use 10. The most I know about 10 is that he is angsty and in love with rose and besties with Donna… also that he’s pathetic but that’s more vibes

So- my hate of 10 is less tangible than 14 but i still have a few points, the main one being the way i see ppl talk about how he treated Martha and how obsessed with rose he was. I don’t think it’s ever compelling to have someone’s main personality trait be loving someone a whole lot which also honestly is my problem with rose (don’t hate her but don’t care about her)

From what I have seen and heard of 10 it’s rather… boring, honestly? Like it’s mostly clips out of context but for 13 and 15 I saw clips out of context and was like “ok wth is happening? /pos” with 10 it’s more like “wtf?” Also pretty sure his episodes were some of the ones I saw when my parents had the show on that played a part in me swearing the show off so

Ok onto the more tangible hatred of 14. A lot of this, admittedly, is more about the writing and showrunner decisions than 14 but those things by proxy makes me hate him

So- I have a lot of feelings on him quite literally starting from his first appearance in power of the doctor. I am SO PETTY that he doesn’t wear 13’s silly little outfit. Like I have gone on full rants about that fact to my friends and family

I’ve seen something claim that rtd didn’t want 14 to wear her outfit because people might be transphobic and derogatory towards him (even tho Dhawan!master wore it, and it’s pretty gender neutral) but then did nothing about the shit ppl said about ruby’s actor or about ppl who would be a bitch about rose the second being nonbinary(also i remember seeing a post about their deadname being mentioned in an episode? Not totally sure that’s true tho)

The 60th anniversary specials themselves don’t really celebrate Dr who as a whole as much as 10’s run with a few old villains but that’s not really my main issue with that. My main issue with the specials is that the Doctor gets their happy ending. With Donna. And her family. When fucking 3-4 episodes prior, their happy ending would’ve been yaz. It would’ve been staying with yaz. But nope! Donna! Because that’s what 10 would’ve wanted.

And I don’t want 14 to be with yaz, btw, I mean I want them to meet and for yaz to hit him, but I don’t want them to be a thing or like be together because I believe yaz is a lesbian but that’s not the point of this so moving on

I also have very much big issues with the scene where 15 and 14 are (presumably, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the full scene) talking about women they love and mention who I assume to be River and rose but not yaz, who again, they wanted to spend forever with 3-4 episodes prior. It makes the doctor seem like a douchebag even if it’s a writing issue and not a character issue

Also 14 being David tenant overshadows 13’s departure and 15’s arrival and since he is most likely going to show up at least a little bit in s14 he’ll overshadow 15 in his own series. It’s icky at the very least.

There’s something inherently bad about having the fandoms Favorite White Boy be with a contentious casting decision (because I have no faith in the Dr who fandom not to be bigoted) and even if no one has an issue with 15 being black and maybe gay (is he gay? He gives gay vibes) it’s still setting him up for failure by pairing him with 14

Also bigeneration is so fucking dumb and I hate it

Also also stop giving the Dr 19 year old companions it’s getting kinda weird now

[cherubshert]

You don't know idols irl

But Jungwon has been nothing but a fucking sweetheart to engenes, he's constantly updating us, constantly posting content for our enjoyment, constantly doing his job as an idol

But some ungrateful 'fans' are now hating on him, for a rumor based of off there i say bullshit proof, like photos that are so blurry that it could be anyone(lemme tell you if you took those 'proof' to court, a good judge will laugh in your face and kick you out, that's how shitty they are), and proof from crazy individuals detailing how they stalked him.

Like instead of coming together worried about his privacy being so disgustingly violated, there r ppl, screaming and shouting at Jungwon??

Same on winter's side, i have seen the clips from that aespa fan meeting, where these 'fans' were screaming and cursing at her. over a rumor that if you had common sense you could see are false.

I don't think these people are really fans, these individuals are just people jumping on an opportunity to hate, and be vicious. I saw the email template they were planning to send to hybe, and it's just filled with stupid delusions.

Jungwon has admitted that he isn't in a relationship (even if he was, he is 20, who gives a shit) and these people have deluded them selves that he is, because of proof thaf can soo easily be disproven.

Kpop idol's mental health is so important, from torturous trainee life, to torturous idol life, Multiple idols have passed, because of crazy insane stupid rumors, that ruined their mental health. Yet, to this day so many people don't feel shame when they toy with an idols mental health like this.

And if something awful does happen, which i fucking pray not, these people will be the loudest about mental health. Please remember that idols are HUMANS not things or property. Jungwon has been so mentally strong, but i don't know how he's actually doing bts, as a my and engene, this situation is hurting my eyes.

If u r one of the insane individuals still angry at this, plss plss leave, i promise Jungwon and enha wouldn't care about losing 'fans' like you. Jungwon has said, on camera, by himself, that he's not dating, and you still delude yourself to thinking he is because???

It just seems like you have nothing fun or special going on in your life, please go hang out with family and friends, if you don't have friends make some, get a job, get a more productive hobby, go to the gym and do some boxing, since you are so desperate to let out rage. You say you love enhypen, yet you are so quick to treating them like this, because you lack respect not only for yourself, but for him.

we are going into 2025, a stranger, which is what jungwon is to all of us at the end of the day, dating, should not, and I repeat should not get you THIS riled up, you're mad at a human for falling in love?

And if you believe idols shouldn't date still, i better not see you dating either, cause by your logic, you also belong to said idol, and you dating is also a betrayal, you should also lose your job and everything you've worked hard for. You see how dumb you sound?? if not i really pity you, cause there is something insanely wrong with you.

Therapy is expensive, but human connection is mostly free, if you had friends, a job and a life to look forward to, you wouldn't care so much about this.

Parasocial relationships at the end of the day are not real, jungwon isn't really your friend, your boyfriend or your husband, he's a guy doing his job, being a singer, dancing and making music. your role as a fan, is to support him, so no he doesnt owe you any more than what he's given you(making good songs, dancing, concerts, albums/ the lives, photos and content r extras for your entertainment, he doesn't have to do that either if he doesn't want to, but he does(a lot),so shut up and know your place). he is a person, a human, and like yunjin said, an idol doesn't mean a dol(l) to fuck with.

[pleucas]

this is said with no malice towards you i love your art!! i like you!!

also not capitalizing chuuya's name even tho i have better humor than this

this is going to be loooong but i never read a more stupid ask….

i don’t hate skk bcs i use my brain and see that they’re actually good and a fun ship when someone isn’t ruining it. what i hate is most skkers being unfunny towards Dazai and the continuous mischaracterization of him just to make chuuya look better (mostly chuuya stans but also dumb Dazai stans are guilty of it)

and no Dazai isn’t the worst and chuuya doesn’t deserve better in fact i think yall can’t handle a person with mental illness and a fake persona he clearly put on people always demonize him so i think saying he’s the worst and chuuya isn’t proves my point. they both EQUALLY did the same bad things Dazai isn’t more toxic than chuuya it’s more like Dazai is the one who’s going back to a toxic ex (mind u chuuya was ready to hurt or maybe even kill some of the ada members people Dazai obviously cares for)

the skk hater? who loves chuuya and hate Dazai because they know chuuya’s character will never be as important or as impactful on bsd universe as Dazai’s noted.

if you love chuuya and hate Dazai your opinion about Dazai is immediately invalid like i think they just know no bsd character can be better written and more interesting than Dazai he's what keeping bsd good (and Fyodor i liked him in the last chapters even more)

imo if chuuya keeps appearing he'll just get boring🤷‍♀️ because most of his storyline is over

Dazai on the other hand always entertaining and deep and there’s a reason he’s involved in everything and never forget everything he did for chuuya stormbringer would be nothing without Dazai helping chuuya from the shadows and chuuya knows it but i guess people will still makes him the bad person in skk when he’s the one trying to change and be better person

also Dazai is someone who’s storyline is still on going as well as we know almost nothing about his past or what actually goes on in his brain i can say three things about his backstory and that’s it.

sorry for rumbling i can’t take that level of stupidity

pls don’t block me im not evil…..

holy shit we got cross-ask beef. this is insane

i'm gonna lowercase Both their names because i think this is the reasonable next step. LOL. & i'll also ramble a bit to match ur freak!

i will strive to clarify that me agreeing that dz=worst chuuya deserves better was, as i specified, "on a generalized scale" — on a very, very, VERY surface level this is a jokey way i've seen a lot of skkers talk about their relationship. more of an inside joke atp ig? idk. srry if that wasnt clear

but i do think it's valid to dislike a ship because you don't like one half of it. i totally get how dz's character can piss ppl off, esp if ure missing lns and mangas (which rimu wasn't, but they watched the anime first so the precedent was set). i found the first part of their thesis to be pretty funny actually, just (again) taking it at face-value.

it's also understandable that they try and dissect dz then miss the mark by a mile LOL. but again, can't be blamed if you hate the guy and thus don't read into him too much, which i think is a reasonable way to consume media... probably more reasonable than me. hence why i didn't respond with my own thesis paper. overall idk man it's not that deep, i've been having fun with rimu and i'd advise y'all to also be silly w/ ur Budgeted RPF Dead Author Yaoi, it'll make things a lot better

abt what you've said, i think dz and chuuya can't exist as true characters w/o each other, unless you fundamentally change their truth. a lot of their good & bad (& inbetween) sides are exposed through their relationship, which i believe is asgr's very interesting way of employing "show-don't-tell." i don't think chuuya's storyline is over, because dazai's isn't, and vice versa. this doesn't mean i don't think they have their own arcs, just that these arcs Must involve the other — if dz's main conflict is good/bad + the mafia, chuuya is his biggest amiable tie to it, and if chuuya's conflict is his self + power, dz must be there for corruption. there's more to say there, but again i don't want to feed rimu's claims of us all being dormant essayists LOL

we got dz glazer and rimu, D1 dz hater. and cheese anon.

[puhpandas]

Ggy is gonna get a lot more popular now that the Mimic’s becoming more relevant in modern gaming. There’s no way they can just ignore it now. it’s a fixed event in the timeline and a huge staple of Gregory’s character now that a good chunk of fans are practically ignoring sb’s characterization of him in favor of tftp. Which is pretty dumb considering sb is still canon.

I still really want a balloon world mention myself. It was one of my favorite unsolved mysteries from security breach and still is. I think doing the Ggy reveal through an extended balloon world minigame in the hw2 dlc would really bring back those missed 8bit vibes of the old series and give us some much needed Gregory characterization that’s true to Scott’s vision of him.

I hope more that ggy gets a good game than if the fans like ggy or not. the idea of more fans believing ggy is scary because that's like tons of more people thatll use it to say Gregory is evil and needs to be killed or something lmao. I hope cool fandom people find it tho :) it's getting put into the spotlight more and more with the achievement the exact thing u said plus the concept of origin games for book+game plots and characters

godd balloon world would be such a cool idea because I remember the balloon world hype when ppl first found it and dawko played it for like 4 hours straight to get to the secret end, and it was just a dumb eclipse tease and didnt mean anything

I wouldnt want ONLY balloon world but including it and confirming its actually related to ggy would be epic. my dream is to get some kind of dr rabbit name drop and suit reveal, voice lines, balloon world, patient 46 tape and something related to the high scores but ik that's asking for a lot. ggy just has so much potential tho

[thesmollestsnek]

I’ve seen a lot of fics n headcanons where Dick Grayson has adhd, and I see you. But also. Consider: Tim Drake having (undiagnosed) adhd. As a certified adhd bitch myself, I have A Lot to say about this, so more under the cut.

Before we get into it, just a quick disclaimer: pretty much all of my dc knowledge is from fandom osmosis, so. If you see something that’s ooc or contradicts canon no you didn’t. Now with that out of the way, on to the main event!

Okay, so! First of all, let’s start at the very beginning. That’s right, I’m talking about Tim Drake’s “night photography”! Now I’m not gonna say neurotypical kids don’t get up to some dumb ass shit when left unsupervised for long periods of time, because they absolutely do. But. The complete disregard for the many, many dangers a young child alone in Gotham at night would face is still notable. And he doesn’t just ignore danger - he runs straight at it. That shows an impressive lack of impulse control, and inability to factor future consequences into current decisions, both of which are hallmarks of adhd. Plus, hyperfixation kinda… changes? How you perceive things. So if Tim was hyperfixated on getting the perfect shot whenever a major crime/fight happened near him, he may not have processed that he was danger at all during the part most likely to scare a neurotypical child away.

Next, we have the coffee. Yes, I know the coffee thing is super overblown by the fandom and not really supported by canon but ssshshhhhhh my world my rules Tim drinks lots of coffee. Now, this one’s kinda obvious, but caffeine is a stimulant and surprise surprise so are most adhd meds. I have seen firsthand how ppl with undiagnosed adhd will mainline caffeine as a form of self medication, whether they’re aware of it or not. Some people use soda or energy drinks, but coffee’s also a really popular choice for this kinda thing. So not only is it completely plausible for someone with undiagnosed adhd to self medicate by drinking a shitton of coffee, it’s extremely common.

Next up! We have the insomnia. Which, again, I think might be played up a lot in fic? But this is my world and you’re reading in it, so. Tim’s an insomniac. This is one of the less well known symptoms of adhd, but again I speak from firsthand experience when I say it’s a big one. Insomnia is extremely common among ppl with adhd, for a couple reasons. One is time blindness, which I’ll come back to in the next point. But also? It’s just really hard to turn your brain off. And if a large portion of Tim’s brain space is being devoted to casework, guess what. That inability to turn one’s brain off will manifest as late night case solving blitzes. Not to mention that hyperfixation, again, changes the way you perceive things. When I hyperfixate on something I often lose hours at a time, and bodily needs like hunger, tiredness, the bathroom, etc aren’t just unimportant they straight up don’t register. With the number of times I’ve come out of a hyperfocus to realize that I have a dehydration headache that’s been brewing for at least an hour, or have completely skipped a major meal, or desperately need to pee, I can 100% believe Tim not noticing any sleep deprivation symptoms until he’s finished whatever he was working on. And I, again, speak from experience when I say that if you happen to hyperfixate at something at the wrong time of night you will be staying up way later than is reasonable. Which brings me to my next point of…

Time blindness! My most favoritist thing in the whole wide world! (/sarcasm) This shit can and absolutely will fuck up your ability to be a functioning human if you let it. Having no internal clock causes more problems than the obvious losing track of time. It means your appetite is sporadic at best and you could very easily forget to eat. It means your sleep schedule has a tendency to just disintegrate if you don’t keep on it. It means being completely dependent on external clocks to know how long things are/should be taking, even for stupid shit like cooking food or brushing your teeth. It means that if you don’t set an alarm for something there is a very real possibility that something isn’t happening no matter how much you want or need it to. In short, it completely fucks up your ability to care for yourself without a lot of external regimented support. Now, who does that remind you of? Which member of the batfamily is known for neglecting his own health? I may not read many comics but the sheer number of “Tim Drake subsists solely on coffee and spite” jokes on ao3 and tumblr is very telling.

His brains. Tim is very, very smart. Have you ever heard the phrase “twice exceptional?” It describes Tim Drake to a t. Plus, I’m living proof of how you can be both smart of brain and dumb of ass. This may be more of a “my family who just so happens to consist entirely of twice exceptional adhd dumbasses” thing than something most ppl with adhd experience, but. You can be really smart and incredible at putting together complex plans, both ahead of time and on the fly, and still have. No common sense whatsoever. Which seems to be a lot of Tim’s characterization: incredibly smart while simultaneously being a complete dumbass. So make of that what you will.

And most compellingly? I think it’s funny. This kid is brothers with Dick Grayson and best friends with Bart Allen and especially next to those two people would never expect Tim to be the one with the quote unquote “cant sit still disorder”. Yknow what? Let’s take this a step further. Let’s make Bart autistic. (I don’t know enough about the flash family to say how accurate this is but for the sake of the joke let’s say he is). People see Impulse standing next to Red Robin and they think they know which one is adhd and which is autistic and they are Wrong. Tim n Bart are Completely unaware of this but the rest of their team finds it hilarious. There’s probably at least one running joke about it.

[writermask-0807]

zenitsu agatsuma x (kitsune hashira) reader.

A/N: To the @kitsunehashira :) my apologies for not being able to answer your request sooner. Its just that I've been v busy lately, with school and everything, and I'm rlly sorry to all the other wonderful ppl who requested!!! I'm still working on your requests, and hopefully I'll be able to answer them all soon. Also, I'll be more active on this blog from now onwards, so please request from here.

Warnings: just Zenitsu being insecure ig. Also very mild violence, sort of??? I totally forgot to add that in your previous request with Genya, sorry. And there's also me saying "ugly ass" once but Idk if that counts 🤷‍♀️ oh and I made the reader's hair red again I hope you don't mind-

When Zenitsu first meets you, it’s out on the field; he’s badly injured with his conscience ebbing away, and there’s this terrifyingly strong demon just ready to pounce on him- his Nichirin blade is too far away for his broken fingers to reach out and fend it off.

He thinks, with all the last remaining strength he has left, his dulling eyes pooling with tears, that this is surely the end, that he’s actually, really going to be dinner for this ugly-ass demon and the fact that he wasn’t even much of a hassle for it, along with the fact that he probably disappointed his grandfather with this easy defeat, makes the blood welling in the back of his throat taste that much more bitter.

And then, all of a sudden, you’re there, descending from the heavens like some sort of angel, and Zenitsu doesn’t even see you finish the demon with a clean slice of your sword.

All he sees before he blacks out is the red of your hair haloing you in a crown of flames, and he remembers thinking, how beautiful.

When he comes to, he’s in the infirmary of the butterfly mansion and you’re by his bedside, your foxy grin only growing disturbingly wide when you see him wake up.

It sort of creeps him out at first, that smile- but he gets over it quickly, and actually doesn’t mind it except the first time.

After all, he’s got better things to do- like asking you out before he even knows your name.

And whereas other girls were disgusted with his behavior and off-put by his forwardness, you simply smile indulgently, humming a “maybe someday,” in reply.

And he is so taken aback at this that he actually wonders if the demon finished its job because he can’t believe that someone as wonderful and perfect as you would humor his flirtations.

(He’s not dumb enough to think that you actually, really like him, him of all people, and as much as that thought stings, he knows that it’s the truth.)

Whereas Genya was distant and hesitant to trust, Zenitsu abandons all reservations and unashamedly clings to you like some lovesick teenager (considering he is one), touchy and intimate and loud, and it still surprises him that you allow him to do so, and it’s… it’s weirdly nice.

And sort of confusing too, because he likes you.

He really, really, likes you, even though he knows you’re only indulging him because you’re kind like that, (or rather, unintentionally cruel), but sometimes he wonders how things could be if you’d smiled at him like you meant it- like you don’t think he’s kidding every time he asks you out.

And, well, it gets sort of depressing for him once he realizes the true capacity of his feelings for you, because someone as wonderful and amazing as you couldn’t possibly love someone as despicable and weak and cowardly as him.

You, with your indulgent and mischievous grins that makes his heart race and your cunning mind and your coral-red hair and your tinkling laughter and the sweet curve of your mouth.

You are warm and beautiful and loved, and he’s simply a shadow to your sun.

But this does not stop Zenitsu.

Or rather, it does not stop his advances despite the ache in his chest, because he’s used to hiding the heartbreak by now, and while he cannot have you, he thinks, he’ll still be lucky to be in your presence.

But his misery finally takes a turn for the better one rainy evening; he’s sat on the engawa with you, Fox purring in his lap as Zenitsu absently pets it, and your presence is a warm one by his side as he stares out into the drizzling rain, gaze lost and searching.

You’re unusually quiet as well, so much so that he almost forgets that you’re even there.

Almost.

It’s only when you nudge him against the shoulder that he’s hauled out of his reverie, turning round to stare at you.

And what he sees absolutely steals his breath away.

Your coral-red hair is even more vibrant in the rainy mist-world that’s enclosing in on the both of you, and there’s this subtle shine to your eyes that makes them positively glow; and the curve of your pink petal lips looks soft enough to kiss.

It’s enough to make him lean in closer, entranced, face burning red, and his stupid big mouth is saying, almost feverishly, “will you go out with me?” before his brain can think properly.

And it probably sounds different, this time, probably sounds more like a confession rather than a question because your eyes widen slightly, lips parting in gentle surprise as you look searchingly at him.

And as soon as the words are out he’s slapping his hands over his mouth, cheeks flushing, cursing his stupidity because oh my gosh he sounded so desperate and you’re probably going to-

“Sure.” you hum casually like it’s no big deal as you turn to turn to stare into the rain again, like you just haven’t accepted his confession, like you don’t know how desperately he’s been wanting for this moment, wanting and wanting and wanting so much that it hurt.

Zenitsu chokes on his breath, heart hammering in his chest at your words, and when you turn back to meet his gaze, mouth twitching, he knows you know.

“How does tomorrow sound?” you ask converstaionally, and he nods, mutely, mouth still hanging agape, his mind still reeling, finding it hard to believe that this is actually, really happening.

You smile, and then get up, dusting the imaginary lint off of your clothes.

And as your leg brushes his shoulder as you walk past, you say, “Oh, and if it wasn’t clear earlier, I like you too Zenitsu.” and he feels his heart soar.

FIN-

[haerni]

i hate when ppl say enha is dumb 💔💔 cuz guys we are all a little slow no one is einstein it literally is life they r allowed to make mistakes and take their time and not be perfect 😭😭 and i hate wheb ppl over analyze the relationships between them as super negative once something small happens, theyre literally 20-24 year old guys at the end of the day who do dumb shit and act cute and are extremely talented ☹️☹️☹️😕😕😞😞 - @mygnolia

i do believe that some jokes are taken a lil too far and too seriously ( that it has come to a point ppl think its 'canon' ), jokes are supposed to be lighthearted and not meant to hurt someone ! even if it wasn't, there are still boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.

we don't know them on a personal level, we only see what the screen could offer. we are not the ppl who they live w & gets to interact w them everyday. information about them doesn't give anyone the power to downgrade and use it as u please. just because ni-ki chose to pursue his dreams over his studies at a young age doesn't mean he is dumb. he is brave to get into that path & strong for leaving home at such a young age nd experience such things. academics are not the only measurement for knowledge.

i am not one to defend ppl & i also wholeheartedly believe that even celebrities behind the glitz and glam should also be held accountable for the mistakes they have done. yet, finding fault for every little thing is too much isn't?

+ it's also nice for other ppl to care for their relationship, especially if they're being mistreated or simply getting taken advantage of. but ppl should also remember that those who are in that relationship are the only ones who should have a say. not for u to assume and jump to conclusions of the nature of their bond. BYE IVE BEEN KEEPING THIS THOUGHT FOR SO LONG 😭

[florisbaratheons]

Anyone else annoyed with the foreshadowing stuff for team black using the team green stuff. I mean im annoyed...(I feel like I'm in the minority but i want to tell still...you can ignore this if it is dumb)

1. Why are they making a big deal out of creepy!viserys refusing milk of poppy and sticking it out for his "only child" when in the books he is just obese and goes out that way. I'm annoyed coz this is aegons main plot point and was the few things i liked about him (his bond with sunfyre was another) : that he wants to be there for his family and milk of poppy numbed his senses so much that he lost so many and doesn't want to lose the remaining people he has by being unconscious eventhough he is in severe pain.

2. Vhagar roared and was super pissed when aemond lost his eye: they just ignored that and when rhaenyra gave birth to visenya they put a scene for her (which to me did not look aesthetically in place/ bad cgi maybe?), when it is known that syrax-rhaenyra bond is not that special...syrax even killed her son (i think the show will ignore and change this 🙄)

3. Laenas death scene: why the hell did they put that dumb "i want a dragonriders death by burning alive"??? No one says so in the books. It was the worst thing especially since she is a black woman in the show and they kill her violently and in the books where she is a white woman she has such a beautiful scene with her husband. Why can't they let her have a peaceful scene like that? Of course i feel it is to show rhaenyra in the end when she gets eaten/burnt (which i think they'll change to burn only) it will be some badass great awe inspiring scene. I dont like that they take away daemon/laenas love and treat laena horribly without thinking about the racial connotations. I can't believe ppl liked the change. (I know she's not green but still I want to talk about it)

Why can't the showrunners read and stick to the books and not take away the little goodstuff that the greens have and give to the blacks? Sorry for the rant.

Omg, anon, if you are still around, I am sooooo sorry. I started to answer this the day you sent it, stuck it in my drafts, and completely forgot about it.

It definitely does seem that way, that they transferred some of Aegon's book plot to Viserys. I definitely think they are going to dumb down Aegon's injuries and have it not be as bad as it is in the book. Especially since Viserys rotting away was not in the book. And it's fascinating to me with how shitty of a father they made Viserys when in the book he actually does give a flying fig about his other children, Helaena is particularly close to him and brings the babies to visit him all the time, while in the show they transferred that over to where she brings the babies to Alicent instead.

I will forever be ticked off they cut Vhagar having a fit when Aemond had his eye cut out. And it's really interesting to me how the show laid it on thick that Rhaenyra and Daemon have perfect bonds with their dragons and Syrax feels Rhaenyra's pain, but we didn't see Sunfyre at all and Aegon's bond with him was supposed to be incredible, the same with Dreamfyre and Helaena, and the time we see adult Aemond with Vhagar, he loses control over her.

Laena's death was terrible. That was not empowering, and anyone who thinks so is weird. Her death in the book was...idk, for lack of a better word, soft. Laena's life in the book was much happier and much more fullfilled. She was able to travel around with her family, visit Driftmark, have two beautiful babies, had her bestie Rhaenyra coming to see them all the time. Her death was heartbreaking because she wasn't able to get to Vhagar for one last ride. But it wasn't that garbage that the show produced.

I totally understand the frustration! It definitely makes me nervous about season 2, since we are heading into the first huge battles of the war, and new characters being introduced. My witch queen Alys is on the way and I am soooo concerned they are gonna make her a secret black or something. I have all my fingers and toes crossed that they are going to stick closer to the book this go-around since Ryan Condal seems to be a huge book fan. And GRRM is supposedly (just a rumor I heard) going to be in the writers' room as well. But honestly, my biggest worry is time. They still have shitloads of material to go thru and the showrunners seem determined to wrap this up in four seasons and season 2 is ALREADY 2 hours shorter. That is a immense concern of mine.

[nopeferatu]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤



OOF...well, since most of my favorite pieces of writing are eternal wips, I guess I'll just post the snippets here, haha. Please bear in mind that nearly all of them are over a year old, and none of them are very good—I do draw more than I write, after all. But I do dabble here and there and so yeah! This is some of that!

5. Untitled WIP

This is suuuper old, one of the first things I wrote after watching the movie again in early 2022 and falling deep down the rabbit hole. It's actually not that great and is pretty sad in it's entirety, so I tried to grab the better chunk, haha. Try, if you can, to mind the first person pov—I know better now.

It's been years and I still really miss you, Jack. All I known in life is the feeling a missing you. You think I'd get used to the feeling, what with all them months and miles between us in the before times, but this missing you runs so much deeper than these tired bones have ever known before.

Yanno how you said your Mama believed in the Pentecost? She ever tell you 'bout that Bible story, how God made Adam and Eve? It goes like this—the Lord took a big pile a sand and breathed into it to make Adam, then he took Adam's rib and from it, went on to make Eve.

Was thinking on it the other day and figured, what if that's how God made the two a us? What if he breathed life into a pile a horse shit, then when I came up, took my rib, put it in a rodeo fuck up and sent the two a us out to the world, pair a deuces trying to fnd their way? I always thought maybe this hurt was emptiness, where my heart went missing after you were gone 'cause you'd taken it like you took my shirt. Now I'm thinking, what if the pain's from that ol' rib coming back after you died to settle in where it don't belong no more? Tryna rearrange all my insides that gone without for so long, and my body's rejecting it like a horse rejecting rider 'cause it knows it don't belong to me no more, never did, neither.

Then again, maybe it's just busted up in there. Maybe it has been since the summer a '63, and I just ain't taken notice 'til you went on and met your maker.

Maybe this ol' heart's just broken.

Know I shouldn't be asking shit from you considering all the ways I took and didn't give you nothing but hurts in return, but I’m asking as a man who never asked for nothing from you, neither—you wait for me, Jack Twist, just a little longer. Used to say that I couldn't wait to see you again, but you helped give me a second shot, try and fix up what I didn’t think I could hardly stand no more. Now I know I can bid my time here a while longer, being a daddy and granddaddy, living out some a the life that you didn't get to have.

So you wait for me… even if it's just so I can tell you how God damn sorry I am for it all.

I love ya, little darlin'. Reckon I always have, reckon I always will. You enjoy them whiskey rivers, but make sure to save the last round for me.

4. Want

This snippet is also super old, and once again, forgive me for the first person pov. Ik a lot of ppl don't typically like it in fiction and I've also kind of grown unfond of it. I was young! I was dumb! I've learned I've learned I've learned!!!

As I'm crying and coughing up the blood from my lungs into my mouth, the second thought comes to mind: just how bad I want for Ennis to come find me, come and save me from what I know's coming next. But he weren't there. Never was, never would be. The tears came down harder 'cause a that one.

The very last impossible thing I wanted was something I dreamed of for a long time. Even though most everything I craved was outta reach, I always thought I could get it, somehow, some way if I tried hard enough. But from the very start I'd known this want was impossible, and yet sometimes I wanted it more than I wanted life itself.

Dying alone on the side a that hot Texas highway, all I wanted was to be nineteen again, close enough to touch the Heavens on Brokeback Mountain.

I thought I could hear Ennis hollering for me back at camp, and I smiled. I'm comin', cowboy.

Then I closed my eyes, and would never want for nothing again.

3. Untitled WIP

I really hope to finish this one, someday. I really like playing around with the other potential bad end of BBM, where Jack ditches Ennis for Randall after May 1983 because his hope and patience has run dry.

"Name's Randall. Educated type of fella, went to college, got him a job as foreman of the ranch down a ways from my place." Jack takes a deep breath, sighs it out. "Tells me he loves me more times 'n even Lureen's said it," he stays quiet a moment, kicks at the loose pebbles on the ground. "Tell you what—feels good to hear it, too. Man's gotta know he's loved ever now 'n' again, Ennis."

Ennis thinks of cold mountain nights filled with the bleating of sheep and illegal elk, of dozens of jobs taken and abandoned, of divorce; thinks of four years of missing and bruising kisses, of sixteen years of hands worshiping at the temple of a bull rider's broken body, and of every cold night in between filled with dreams about bright blue eyes and the warmth of a perfect smile. He thinks of the last twenty years he spent dropping everything at the siren call of a postcard, and for the first time in his life Ennis thinks about love; wonders what it might be, if not that.

But Ennis doesn't say so, just clenches his trembling fist even tighter into itself.

2. Five Boys that Jack Twist Had Liked (and One More Whom He Had Loved)

This one is another old one that I reaally hope to finish one day. I have a about 3 1/2 of the 6 part written, I just...need to find the gumption to get through the rest.

4. Andrew Peterson

Andrew had been one of his daddy's ranch hands, a boy who would've been two grades above him if Jack hadn't dropped out of high school his sophomore year. He had just graduated, was one of the lucky few whose parents didn't value his contribution to the family finances over his education, and was hired on for the summer in the hopes of making a little cash before heading out of their dead-end town and into the real world. It was a plan that Jack, at sixteen, had already been well acquainted with.

It wasn't often that the Twist Ranch hired hands around his age to help out around the place, and Jack, always the friendly type and more than just a little lonely, had been eager to make a new acquaintance. Andrew hadn't seemed to mind when Jack started taking his chores alongside him, appearing glad for the company, himself. They shared easy smiles and private jokes, becoming such good friends in such a short time that his Mama would tease about one of them losing their very shadow if the other wasn't around.

Just like with Stephen before him, Jack had been drawn to Andrew like a moth to a flame. He never understood what there was in a boy that drew his eye to them in a way that none of the fillies who flirted around with him ever did, until Andrew, after a tiring day mending the old fence posts that corralled the bulls in and about two months worth of dropping frustrated gestures and signals, had said, "Fuck it," pulled Jack out to his Daddy's feed barn and into a scalding kiss that left Jack weak in the knees.

Andrew hadn't been his first kiss—that honor had gone to lil' Miss Sharon King back in the first grade. Seeing as how Jack was well regarded amongst the ladies as a 'pretty boy', there'd been plenty of kisses after that, too. Andrew had, however, been the first kiss that finally had him understanding what all the fuss was about.

As if to slide it on home, later that summer he even made sure to be Jack's first fuck, rounding out on all the bases that left Jack with a whirlwind of questions about himself and even more feelings bursting inside than his young heart ever thought it could handle.

"Been savin' to go to school in Denver," Andrew started, breaking the silence one night out in the feed barn. They sat passing a cigarette and some of his daddy's stolen whiskey between them, riding out the residual high of a midnight roll in the literal hay. It had been dark out, and with only the full moon and the hot red cherry at the end of the cigarette bathing them in their glow, the two were effectively shielded from the scathing eyes of the light. "'m leavin' in a few months, splittin' before fall comes." His gaze was fixed somewhere on the black horizon, watching something that went unseen to Jack.

Jack felt his stomach sink like the stones he used to skip in the creek way out past his house.

"Denver? Ain't that a might bit far for some schoolin'?" He tried to laugh, but it came out sounding choked and strange. Instead, he looked down into the whiskey bottle in his hand and took a swig from it, willing its sweet burn to help him maintain an air of indifference. "What they got down there, anyway?"

Truth be told he didn't blame Andrew for wanting to go—he had been itching to leave Lightning Flat in the rearview, himself. Still, he was unsure that he wanted the conversation to continue. He didn't want to think about his new companion leaving so soon after this something between them had begun. Nevertheless, curiosity—slightly embittered—took hold and ultimately won out.

Andrew took a long drag out of the cigarette. Its hot cherry burned a bright, fiery red before dulling once more to an ashy gleam. "A chance for fellas like us," he finally breathed. The smoky tendrils made their escape past his lips, taking his words with them.

"Oh," Jack muttered after a beat of silence. He wasn't quite sure he understood, nor wanted to understand, what Andrew was getting at, but tried hard not to let his disappointment seep out into his tone regardless.

It hadn't worked. In a moment, Andrew smashed the lit butt out against the wall, leaving them cloaked in darkness once more before leaning over to kiss him sweetly. It had knocked the breath out of Jack, just like their kisses were wont to do.

"Maybe someday you can come pay me a visit. I dunno, it might just be a sweet life down there, yanno?" Andrew's smile, only barely visible under the glow of the full moon above, was easy and inviting.

For once all motormouth Jack could do was smile back before eager hands, warm like the end of the cigarette and the whiskey settled deep in his belly, were on him again, ready to reignite the fire that set Jack aglow.

That summer, Andrew had pressed red-hot marks into his flesh that would soon fade on the outside but sear into Jack's soul for a lifetime, forever branding him as the different sort of boy he had been both warned about and accused of being in the entirety of his short life.

Looking back, he realized he'd known what Andrew had meant all along. At sixteen years old Jack knew what queer was, and finally understood, with no room for doubt in his mind, that it was him. He reckoned that weren't nobody's business but his own, though.

After that summer, Jack never did see Andrew again.

Twenty-four years later, tucked cozy warm into his Colorado bed, Andrew would awake from a dream about blue eyes and wonder, not for the first time, what had ever happened to the kid who'd been his that one short summer before making the move that forever changed his life. Looking beside himself, into the handsome face that had laid dreaming beside him every night the past fifteen years, Andrew would smile and hope that, wherever Jack Twist was in the world, he had gotten out of Wyoming and been lucky enough to make his own bit of bliss out of the hard hand he'd been dealt.

1. Clipped

Summary: Tomorrow may tell another story, but for tonight, this man—with his baby blue eyes, sleepy, self-conscious grumbles, and beautiful clipped dick—was his, all his, and that was enough. It had to be enough.

Aaand here's a fic I've actually posted! Lol! Fun fact: this was actually the very first fic I wrote following watching bbm again in January 2022, and it remains like. The only thing I'm actually super duper proud of. It isn't even that good, but I'm just proud that I actually finished something for once lol.

Thanks for the ask, @alifeasvivid! :D

[mezzmerizd]

truely and utterly losing my care for polishing things up, this is tumblr. all of you are gonna have to sit here and listen to my dumb little ramblings because ALL of my art is inherently just another way to feed into my headcanons,,,

like i'm suffering trying to put a name on them?? to sort them?? because it's not like. "oh i headcanon Tango likes lemon icecream! :D" it's literally the entire way hermitcraft is structured, how Impulse & Tango met, how Zed got mixed up in the schenanigans, how Skizz then aLSO found his way to them- their traumas and dynamics and and and?!?!?

i'm playing puppets and idk how to explain the story i wanna tell :[

they're so dear to my heart, especially because this entire world i structured has been around for years by now, semi-starting during DSMP times and basically exploding with ideas and my love for it when i discovered i could make my Tango a netherborn and no one can stop me.

I want to name it, give it a sense of "personality", give it a title of importance but,,, at the same time i don't want it to lose that deeply personal touch it has. Just slapping my name on there is goddamn stupid though OTL

I used to be able to like,,, explain it to friends by simply calling it my "netherborn headcanons" or ideas, because I've got a deep love for making the nether a more hostile and interesting place, but it's since grown far beyond that :[[

there's a ""need"" for a title, for a tag to give it so i can freely throw ideas out there for others to find and for me to keep track of, but there's nothing that seems "good" enough, or doesn't feel temporary. It's an ongoing thing, a passion project mayhaps, so a title could even make it feel like just some random story.

It's like an AU to someone on the outside looking in, just another take on a story and characters ppl have done stuff tons of times before. but it's so much more to me than just an AU. It's how i see these characters, what i base them off of when I have ideas. There's always stories I keep basically just to myself because they're part of that setting. Most of my fanfic are also more "polished" and made easier to get without all of the previous knowledge. (Minus i think some of my ZIT(S) ones?? Though it's vague in those still.)

Besides that there's also ofc a bit of fear from my side that people misunderstand or just generally are weird about simply ignoring what they don't like, but that's pretty much a given :/

SIGHS man, so many thoughts and feelings and words to say and no idea how to throw it out there in a way that makes sense. And in some way, that shouldn't matter. I can be as cryptic as i want to be, do things just for ME but i know there's still other eyes on here,,, and honestly, it sounds goddamn exciting to get people hooked on a story i wanna tell. to be asked about it, be able to give my thoughts and opinions,,

is it easy enough to tell that i adored those "ask [insert crew of an AU someone made]" when i was younger?? still not in a place where i believe i could make anything similar, but the dream's there i guess

[salty-eggg]

I remember seeing a post on here talking about grieving their loss of innocence while consuming media since they are now older than the protagonists and I just wanna talk about that.

I totally get mourning that starry-eyed perspective when you're a kid of seeing a protag who's a kid like you and doing cool shit, and then looking back as an adult being like "where has my innocent, simple outlook gone? When did life become more complicated?".

But, personally, consuming media as an adult in which the protags are much younger than me has been an Incredibly healing experience.

As a kid, I would look up to these characters and wish to be like them. I would cheer them on when things are difficult, sympathize/empathize with them when they have problems, and sincerely believe in the hope that they carry in the face of utter hopelessness. However, as an adult, I don't identify with them as equals, but rather I view them like a proud parent. I still cheer them on and whatnot, but now it's in a supportive lens of like "look at my kid go!".

There is such a Healing feeling in taking kids seriously as an adult, even just through media. It's reminded me that being a kid was actually pretty fucking complicated! You had to juggle with so many expectations of adults constantly reminding you how "the real world" won't be as kind nor as accommodating to you as you get older ("you won't be able to do this when you're a fifth/sixth/seventh etc etc grader") while, at the same time, they dumb you down to just "a kid" and you can't be having serious issues/perspectives of the world.

When interacting w media containing characters younger than me, it's like I'm looking back at my kid self, getting on eye-lvl w them, and telling them that you're not stupid for feeling certain things or seeing things a certain way, and I will take the time to listen to you and your needs and not dismiss you just cause you're a kid. You are just as complex as adults and I'm sorry that some refuse to understand you because they think you're more simple than that, I'm here now.

It just makes me think of the media timeline most ppl go through: when you're a kid, you look towards hopeful characters who do cool stuff. It's simply just Awesome and you want to be as awesome as them. Then, you're a teen, and you search for more brooding, dark characters cause hope is overrated and shallow. More problems = more complexity, thus edgy characters are more interesting than bubbly ones. But, finally, you reach adulthood and have more nuanced ideas about media that isn't just issues = complexity.

Growing up, to me, has been about gaining a new appreciation for hope and innocence in media. Of course those dark characters will still make my brain Explode, but there is just smth Special I've found watching a character who is innocent and bright go through such treacherous journeys and come out of it still hopeful. They've been beaten and battered, on the edge of losing hope (or even lost it a few times), and irrevocably changed due to the harrows of their journey...and yet, they can still find the strength to get up and carry on. Hope isn't naive nor a weakness, it is Powerful. And seeing it in kid protags has made me nurture that Kid Hope into smth more relevant for my Adult Self, but still taking good care of the pure essence of it that is Hope For The Sake Of Hope.

You can mourn for that loss of innocence, and maybe you should. But these kids who have been wildly underestimated by ppl who, at the same time, overestimate how much they should grow up to tackle "the real world" manage to find their Own footing and endure their Own way.

Life has gotten so much more complicated, but we're still in charge of Our Hope, and we can still make hoping as simple as just Believing in it, like how we used to as kids.

And isn't that beautiful?

[serotoninny]

Hey- hi. My sister and I grew up playing Super Paper Mario constantly. I would absolutely love to hear any and all thoughts you would like to share pls and thank you!!

HELLO! HELLO HI!

wanted to start off by saying Holy Shit!! spm was a video game me and my sister also played growing up!! we never beat it back then but recently she came home and got me hooked on it again and we played it all the way thru. we also did fun little voices for each character I got to be dimentio so that was very fun ^__^ i think Objectively its not a very hard game (which is why we were able to beat it LMAO) but what it lacks there it makes up for in STORY and super strong characters and i adore it so

IF ANYONE!! ANYONE wants to respond to anything ive said in this word soup of a post PLEASE DO!!! in the tags in the comments i just like seeing ppl talk abt whatever the hell about spm. Head canons Theories You name it

this is . a little scattered around. u do not have to read all of this but thank you for giving me an excuse to talk abt spm VVV

first of all themes of love being the answer make me wanna bawl my eyes out and i gotta be real i did tear up at the end of the game when blumiere and timpani have bounding through time ost playing and then walk out of frame. CHEFS KISS. lovely. i like how each chapter the gang goes thru has its own unique little set of townspeople and even thru little bits of dialogue u are left wanting to defeat the chaos heart even more because you dont want any of them to die YK? HEAVENS TO BETSY! THE DIALOGUE OPTIONS FOR RIGHT BEFORE CHAPTER 8 FOR ALL THE PEOPLE IN FLIP/FLOPSIDE?? SHIT HURTED. npc reactions to all the shit going on were so good

one thing i WISH happened tho was. mario and luigi Sibling Love (i mean this platonically i want to specify Just in case there are any weirdos out there) Helps Save The World. i get the whole count bleck mansion part where everyone started sacrificing themselves to save the others which means they care for one another n whatnot which is good great and fantastic However i think it wouldve been COOL to see the whole gang esp the two opposing forces of Mario (prophesized hero color red) and luigi (prophesized Man In Green to contain the chaos heart and destroy the world) contribute to the reformation of the pure heart like some sorta balance between light n dark . BUT ITS FINE i love the game anyway because its probably the longest bowser luigi mario and peach have ever been on the same team

and completely unrelated, the entire premise of luigi being the harbinger of a great world ender is ALWAYS a joy. a fun little recurring gag if you will. like i cant believe this is not the only time he was the vessel for a great evil like what is up with that. every day i think abt that one luigi post abt how he's Doomed By The Narrative TM to be the Evil Twin Brother but he just chooses not to be. never not thinking abt that ever. hes so haunted by like literally everything got separated and brainwashed fought his brother aided in the destruction of the sammer guy world Died went to hell KOed spm satan got revived became GOD then saved the world. and he is some middle aged man in striped socks

MR L. GOD. that fucking guy. hes so lame. i like him so much. his theme goes SO hard in the silliest way imaginable. and i also like how even when he is brainwashed its kinda obvious he still wants mario around (see: brobot, the replacement brother). they fr tapped into luigis need to be useful and used that as is motivation to work for the count. yeowch. mr l to me is just luigi but Lots of parts of him just locked up and forgotten (plus a little minor bit of oh i dont know straight up brain manipulation, nastasia is a force 2 be reckoned with fr) Duno if im making sense here . anyway mr l is so so so hilarious to me because his one liners are so so dumb and i think the gag abt no one recognizing him is FUNNY (EVEN IF i think at least mario SHOULDVE recognized him but WHATEVS).

all of count blecks minions are . SUCH a fun little group. and while dimentio didnt give a fuck about them i still love his dynamic as the court jester whos a little bit of a bitch. the origins of them joining the group are very interesting because ochunks mimi and nastasia had been at their lowest when bleck recruited them and dimentio was like. let me in your emo band. ochunk's warrior code is something i think about a lot. he doesnt got a lot behind the eyes but hes got values he sticks to and i like that a lot in a character. him and mimi do spa days

bleck as a character makes me wanna chew through my walls. in a good way. guys who are slipping and dont want to get back up and bringing everything else down with them are fun and that is all. bonus! he still gets to be Somewhere quiet after the story's over

dimentio has to be my fave of the goons (not counting mr l). not surprising because hes just. so. ...... He is the Way That He Is. his little similes are so stupidly funny for no reason and i think being a Silly Guy and also a Guy With Ulterior Motives are the two funest traits a character can have. His ambiguous past is so interesting like yes bitch hide behind the mask keep cards up your sleeve dont let them know your next move!! something interesting i read somewhere was that. even after luigi the chaos heart and dimentio were separated that there were bits still mixed up between them, linking them not only prophetically but on the atomic level is a headcanon im tucking close into my heart . terrifying as it is super fucking rad !! luigi cannot escape the harbinger of doom allegations

dimentio and luigis entire dynamic is the best thing ever. because dimentio is a goddamn weirdo and luigi is. and i cannot stress this enough. JUST a fucking GUY. luigi is like "ill stop you you ne'er do well!" and dimentio responds with "im killing us both<3ciao!" why does every luigi villain wanna be no children mountain goats with SO BAD. they should keep doing it

god. the way mario is the mc and barely has a role in most of the story other than being The Hero of the Light Prognosticus is both a little annoying and also kinda sick /pos. annoying because mario is one of my faves and i want him to participate in the story more (not really a diss on the writing i just like him) but also kinda sick because . the way everyone in the game talks abt the hero from the prophecy is so. soooooooooooo. god. like everyone in favor of all worlds Not Ending preparing THOUSANDS of CENTURIES in advance just for mario to arrive. Pixls were locked in boxes and hidden away WAITING for him and its like. if he could talk back. i wanna know how he thinks abt all this. because throught the entire story You as the player kinda fuck things up for people in pursuit of the pure hearts. and mario cant rly SAY anything abt it cus its not Really his story, but MAN. what i would give for a little development on his end of the lineup during a few points like 'wilting' king croacus, figuring out squirps is now orphaned because he had to stay alive long enough to help the heros, Luvbis Entire Deal, and figuring out mr l was luigi all along. SIGH

i dont know much about the pixl war, but all of that lore is so cool to look into. ive got like surface level knowledge. even then i only rly care abt the history when im thinking abt the personalities of the pixls themselves. cus like they get their little moment in the spotlight and then they Never speak Again. dottie and cudge and fleep are some of the more memorable ones for me and i wish it was possible to hear more of them. but alas

squirps. :( in my heart. in my heart and soul. bowser takes squirps under his wing. forms an alliance with his kingdom (assuming. squirps takes over from where his mom left off). peach would of course also form an alliance with him. IDK. squirps is the Only One out of every major side character in the game who didnt really get a happy ending. while not everyone NEEDS one i think he deserves one. and in my perfect world he is being guided by two more experienced rulers (bowser isnt doing much in terms of teaching him good diplomacy but he sure as hell is getting him to hang out with kids his age like Jr).

bowser was so funny this whole game. love when evil guys get domesticated a little. thats all about him

PEACH. PRINCESS PEACH. god i love her. the way she was the only person to resist nastasias brainswashing AND her fucking umbrella is the most cracked defense in the World. blowing a kiss to the wind. for peach

ok so i cant think of anything else to say and i havent proofread this. if YOU, dear viewer, love super paper mario i need you to never shut the fuck up ever. there are like 12 of us