#i used to be a huge fan of joel so i know his voice very well but my god. is it weird to think in it

[the-mozzarella-brothers]

guys i watched a few smallishbeans videos for the first time in ages and i cant stop thinking in his voice now

this tends to happen to me with accents but this is only the second time with actual voices!

[artsninspo]

002 | Richmond Inc.

「 ✦ full library & archive ✦ 」

「 ✦ aaron pierre & characters library ✦ 」

⇚ 001

♠ authors note: hi! wow, wow, wow - the first part of this is doing so well. thanks to everyone who has liked, commented and reblogged. a few notes firstly- I've changed the POV . Our OC is Lorence Cole commonly referred to as Cole professionally, no worries though she’s very much a black woman.

♠ summary: Terry Richmond is still keen on recruiting Lorence for the open directors position within his security firm. Her stellar results during both tactical and physical trials makes her a top candidate but his reputation is in the way of her eager acceptance of the offer.

♠ pairing: Terry Richmond (Aaron Pierre - Rebel Ridge) X Lorence Cole (Black Fem OC)

♠ word-count: ~1.5K

⌖ - Richmond Inc. Training HQ

Second to being in the presence of the Boss, tactical day is my second least favourite part of my job. It’s not that I’m a pacifist but the idea of pulling the trigger and striking a human being in a vital artery is the last thing I want to be doing. Securing my ear protection I let the rounds go being as precise as possible so I can leave sooner than later. This training is proactive and preventative for agents like me who never see the more violent side of the field. It's a necessary evil. A team is only as strong as their weakest link and if shit ever hits the fan I never want to be the person left behind who can't carry their own weight.

“Hey Cole join our competition” a couple of the guys call as I pack up the firearm.

“No thanks” I respond. “Wouldn’t want to make you boys look bad.” I add playfully and they all laugh telling me my comment is wishful thinking. The Boss is huge on being proactive. Since its inception Richmond Inc. has only lost one employee while on assignment. That was while he was being a hero and not doing what we were trained to do. I move onto a larger weapon and look through the scope taking the stationary targets down one by one before heading  on to the moving targets course. This one is a simulation, kind of like virtual reality but it feels real. It’s a culmination of all of our training, unfortunately us women are required to perform it twice. Once with heels and the other time in footwear of our choosing. My score is satisfactory and I relax after finishing the tactical portion. I take a short breather before I head to finish the physical training. Some of the field agents come out to place the weighted vests and ankle weights on me before I’m forced into the pool. Stay afloat for twenty minutes or cross the length of the pool twice. I manage the crossing with difficulty before I’m pulled up from the up edge. It’s the track that sees me next. I dry off as much as I can before making quick work of the three miles within the time constraints. When I’m finished I take my time in the sauna before changing. I get dressed and make myself presentable before emerging from the facilities. I’m gonna need an energy drink and a coffee to make it through the rest of today. Chatter gets my attention and I find the Boss standing in front of the exit. I look for another exit to avoid any interactions. I curse myself again for finishing so quickly - I wouldn't have if I knew he was in town.

“Lorence, of course you’re top twenty” A familiar voice shouts, blowing my attempt at discretion. Still, I smile at the sight of my mentor wearing a proud smile. Joel taught me everything I know about passing both the tactical and physical trials, lord knows I was bottom ten when I first joined the firm. “Rich told me you declined a director position. Why would you do that? You have everything it takes.” He asks discreetly. Unlike the Boss Joel is generous, kind and patient. He spoiled me with his easy going temperament. If it were a director position under him there’d be nothing to discuss. I’d sign the dotted line in a heartbeat. The possibilities of how ugly this job can become would be my only worry and not verbal abuse from time to time.

“I’m not good under pressure” I mutter.

“Yeah fucking right. How many times have you talked us out of a bind?” Joel asks like a proud father figure. His greatest leadership quality is that he likes to see others shine and knows how to get the light out of them. “More than half of us in the field aren’t as smart as you. Negotiate. The Boss isn’t above reason and always puts the company first. I can put in a good word.” Joel offers.

“It’s not that I’m smarter, it's that none of you guys listen. I’m not interested in Joel” I respond jokingly.

“No, your testing proves you’re the right one for the position” he says.

I sigh. “I enjoy my life, okay?”

“What, sitting on an overpriced couch? Spending hours cooking for one?” Joel teases and I glare at him while he has a laugh at my expense.

“Come on, try the winter circuit - it’s lowkey and easy to get your feet wet. You can shadow me. $750k to do what you can do in your sleep” Joel says being a salesman.

“What? Do you get a commission?” I tease.

“No, I'll get my best agent back.” Joel says.

I take a deep breath in and weigh my options. “I have one condition before I seriously consider it. If you don’t think it’s possible then drop it”

“What” Joel asks, brow raised and ready for a challenge.

“I deal with you and not the Boss” I tell Joel who seizes up. His brows bunch like it's the most ridiculous request. Confusion covers his expression, most of why people become directors is for the position's proximity to Mr. Richmond. It's worth his weight in gold. “You know I make mistakes in the beginning and he’s an eagle eyed freak who blows up on people. I don’t do well with that. If you can take the tirades for me I’ll consider the promotion” I explain and understanding settles into his expression. He nods looking down dimples settling into his cheeks.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Joel laughs shaking his head side to side.

I’m not at all amused. “It’s my line, it’s my condition. I like peace” 

“Are you being this insane for praise too or just criticism?” Joel asks, patronizing me.

“Both are fine with me, they can trickle down through you” I shrug and the hulk himself comes over looking down at his tablet. Black cashmere sweater, silver watch, grey cargos and a fresh trim. Stop it, I scorn my thoughts as he joins us.

“Impressive results Cole” Richmond says.

“Thank you, Joel taught me everything I know” I confess and Joel gives me a half smile.

“She’s a quick study” Joel says, throwing a compliment back my way.

Richmond continues scrolling on the tablet before pausing. He looks up with visible concern. “Monitors show significant distress while shooting.”

“Pacifist” Joel smiles looking from me to the Boss. “Unless bugs are involved. No bodies, no blood” Joel explains.

“Hmm” Richmond says, tapping on the tablet.

“You’re virtually fearless though” he says, continuing to scroll like I'm not right in front of him.

“Exactly. An unreasonable amount of disregard for her own well being but tremendous concern for others. It’s what makes her one of one” Joel says, being exactly the kind of sponsor I’d want under any other circumstance.

“I see,” the Boss nods, looking at me. I hold his gaze for a few seconds before turning back to Joel.

“Well Joel I hope you know you’re getting nothing for that flattery. I’m heading home. Mr. Richmond” I interject nodding in the Boss’ direction to cut the conversation short. It’s like a part of me knows observing Richmond from afar is fine but up close it’s hard to forget I'm in the presence of someone absolutely lethal.

“Drive safe” Joel responds and I nod.

“You too, thanks” I force a smile heading out the front door and into my car where I take a few deep breaths. When I pull out of the lot I see Joel and Richmond in conversation and cringe internally. The agent in me says suck it up and take the position but every other part is warning bells that say stay away. Just the thought of one of his full metal jacket tirades makes me shudder in place. Maybe that’s what was required of him in the army but it doesn't inspire people like me who want to do good. I don’t need anyone telling me what an idiot I am after I make a mistake I know better than anyone else. I was sick for a week when one of my proposed exit routes was subject to a traffic jam. I was the head logistics navigator and spent the next thirty minutes covering my ass to save the clients. Although everything went off without a hitch I demoted myself. Joel was generous but no amount of consolation minimized the fact that I shit the bed. I ran another 10 assignments at a subordinate rank before I felt comfortable at head rank again. The margin of error for director’s is less forgiving under certain circumstances. Gaining intel and filtering for what's necessary is no small feat the success of every project is on your shoulders and so are everyone else’s fuck ups.

New directors are routinely on the Bosses bad side and that's a place I never want to be.

003 ⇛

authors note: thanks for reading 🖤 sound off in the comments on if you think Lorence is making good or bad decisions in regards to her promotion and how we think Mr. Richmond handles her terms 💭 cant wait to see what you all think!

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[panakinthedisco]

PART 2 | TICKET TO RIDE ━━ Joel Miller

summary: becoming the president of the class is the most stressful thing that joel miller ever did in his life but then, you made it bearable.

author's note: i'm shookt with the amount of likes with this mini-series huhu so here you go! if it's your first time in here, please read the part 1 of this series <3

other notes: au, elementary teacher!reader x contractor!joel,  no outbreak!joel miller, sarah lives, single dad x teacher, eventual smut but this is a slow burn romance, maybe angst? reader is a fan of the beatles and a mccartney girlie while joel is a george harrison stannie! age gap (reader is in the middle of 20s x joel miller in his 30s), sarah being a cute matchmaker to her dad!

word count: 4.4k

A few days had passed since the PTA meeting, and you were still adjusting to your new life in Austin, Texas. The town was unfamiliar to you, and the job offer had been the only one available at the time. Thankfully, your cousin lived in Austin and had kindly offered you a place to stay. The apartment wasn’t large, but it was cozy and gave you a sense of security in this new environment.

Settling into your new role at the school, you found that the staff and students were welcoming. The school itself had a warm, community-driven atmosphere that you appreciated. Your class was manageable, and you even began to grow fond of your students. They were eager to learn and showed respect in the classroom, which made your job easier and more enjoyable.

One student, in particular, stood out to you: Sarah Miller. She had a natural curiosity for science and was always eager to help. During science classes, Sarah often assisted you in arranging the flasks and beakers on the shelf, her enthusiasm evident in the way she carefully handled each piece of equipment.

One afternoon, as you were setting up for a lab experiment, Sarah approached with a smile. “Do you need any help?”

You returned her smile warmly. “That would be great, Sarah. Could you please arrange these beakers on the top shelf?”

Sarah nodded and began to carefully place the beakers in their designated spots. As she worked, you couldn’t help but feel grateful for her assistance. It made the transition into your new role smoother and less overwhelming.

“How are you finding Austin so far?” Sarah asked, her voice full of genuine curiosity.

You paused for a moment, considering your response. “It’s been an adjustment, but I’m starting to feel more at home. My cousin has been a huge help, and the school is wonderful. I really enjoy teaching here.”

Sarah beamed. “I’m glad to hear that! You’re a great teacher. Everyone in class really likes you.”

Her words warmed your heart. “Thank you, Sarah. That means a lot to me.”

As Sarah carefully placed the beakers on the shelf, you couldn’t help but notice how meticulous and dedicated she was. Her assistance was invaluable, making your adjustment to the new job much smoother. You watched her for a moment, grateful for her help and impressed by her enthusiasm.

Sarah glanced over her shoulder at you, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Have you had a chance to visit any places around Texas yet?”

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. “Not really, Sarah. I haven’t had much time to explore. The only place I’ve really been to is the grocery store near my apartment.”

Sarah giggled, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “You know, there’s a great place for horseback riding just a mile away from here. My dad has a truck, and we go there sometimes. Would you like to join us?”

Her suggestion took you by surprise. It felt a bit unusual to be invited out by a student, especially since you were still getting to know them. You felt a mix of flattery and apprehension, unsure how to respond.

“That’s very kind of you, Sarah,” you said politely. “I’ll think about it.”

Sarah nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer, but you could see the gears turning in her mind. She returned to her task, her expression thoughtful.

Internally, Sarah was plotting. She adored you and knew her dad had been lonely for a long time. What better way to help both of them than by arranging a casual outing? She envisioned them enjoying a day out, her dad relaxing and having fun, and you, seeing a new side of Texas. Maybe, just maybe, her plan would help bring a bit of happiness into both of your lives.

As you continued to prepare for the lab experiment, you couldn’t help but think about Sarah’s suggestion. The idea of horseback riding sounded fun, but the prospect of spending time with Sarah and her father outside of school felt a bit strange. You appreciated the gesture, though, and couldn’t deny a small part of you was curious about the experience.

Later, as you walked around the classroom, checking on the students and ensuring everything was in place, you found yourself thinking more about the invitation. Sarah’s enthusiasm was infectious, and her desire to share her favorite activities with you was touching.

As the day went on, you decided to keep an open mind. You could see how much Sarah cared about both her father and her teacher, and maybe this outing could be a chance to bond with her and better understand the community you were becoming a part of.

“Alright, everyone, time to wrap up,” you announced, bringing the class to a close. As the students gathered their things and prepared to leave, Sarah gave you a bright smile, and you couldn’t help but return it, feeling a sense of warmth and connection.

As you watched the students file out of the classroom, a wave of mixed emotions washed over you. The hustle and bustle of the day was winding down, and you found yourself alone with your thoughts. The adjustment to life in Austin had been challenging, to say the least. Moving away from your parents was a difficult decision, but the job offer had seemed like a beacon of hope at the time. Now, you weren't so sure.

Loneliness had become an unwelcome companion over the past few weeks. Your parents had been supportive, encouraging you with words of wisdom and confidence, assuring you that you could thrive on your own. But their words felt distant in the face of your current reality. Each day felt like a test of endurance, and even the small victories were overshadowed by an overwhelming sense of isolation.

The faculty room, a place that should have been a source of camaraderie and support, only intensified your feelings of being an outsider. You were the youngest among your colleagues, and their close-knit conversations left you feeling invisible during break times. They had their routines, their inside jokes, and you often found yourself on the periphery, unsure of how to break into their circle.

Your thoughts drifted back to Sarah Miller. She had been a ray of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy experience. Her genuine kindness and eagerness to help had been a lifeline. When she invited you to go horseback riding with her and her father, it had been the first time anyone in Austin had reached out to you in such a personal way. The invitation felt like a small crack in the wall of loneliness that had been building around you.

You sighed, leaning back in your chair, staring at the now-empty classroom. The idea of spending time with Sarah and her father was starting to seem more appealing. Maybe it was a chance to break out of your shell, to connect with the community, and to find a sense of belonging that you desperately needed.

"Why not give it a try?" you thought to yourself. "It’s just an afternoon, and it could be fun."

The image of Sarah’s bright smile flashed in your mind, and you felt a flicker of hope. Her invitation was a small gesture, but it held the potential to change the trajectory of your experience in Austin. Maybe, just maybe, it was a step toward finding the connections and support that you had been yearning for since your move.

You packed your things, the classroom now quiet and still. As you walked out, you made a silent promise to yourself: you would accept Sarah’s invitation.

Life as a teacher continued for you. The final bell rang, and the bustling energy of students packing their bags and heading out the door filled the classroom. You busied yourself with tidying up, ensuring everything was in place for the next day. As you straightened the books on your desk, you glanced up and were surprised to see Joel Miller standing in the doorway.

Your eyes quickly took in his appearance—typical flannel shirt, worn out jeans, and work boots covered in a thin layer of dust. He looked as though he had come straight from a job site. Despite his rugged appearance, there was a certain warmth in his eyes that you found comforting. You gave him a friendly smile.

"Mr. Miller, come on in," you said, motioning him into the classroom.

Joel stepped inside, looking slightly out of place in the tidy, structured environment of the classroom. Just as he was about to speak, Sarah and her friends came up behind him, chattering and laughing.

"Hey, Dad," Sarah greeted, a playful glint in her eye. "I’m going to hang out with Maddie for a bit."

Joel turned to her, a familiar, fatherly concern in his voice. "Alright, but remember, Uncle Tommy is picking you up before dinner. Don’t be late."

Sarah nodded, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. "Got it, Dad." Then, she glanced at you and back at her father, her smile growing wider. "And Dad, don’t forget to shoot your shot."

Joel looked momentarily confused, his brows furrowing. But then he caught the way Sarah glanced at you, and understanding dawned on his face. His cheeks flushed slightly, and he turned back to his daughter, trying to maintain his composure.

"Sarah, you need to go," he said firmly, though his tone was tinged with embarrassment.

Sarah laughed, a light, carefree sound, and gave him a quick hug before skipping off to join her friends. You watched her go, feeling a mix of amusement and curiosity.

Turning your attention back to Joel, you could see he was still slightly flustered by his daughter’s teasing. You decided to break the ice.

"So, you’re here for the field trip plans, Mr. Miller?" you asked, keeping your tone light.

Joel scratched the back of his neck, a sheepish smile forming on his lips. “You can call me Joel, Ma’am. And yes, here are the plans.” Joel handed you over a piece of paper, and it’s handwritten by him. Ever since the PTA meeting where he was elected class president, the responsibility had weighed heavily on him. He had no idea how to organize a field trip, and the last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself in front of you, the new teacher. Earlier, Joel sat at the dining room table, papers strewn about in a chaotic mess. He rubbed his temples, staring at the tentative plans for the upcoming field trip.

His brother, Tommy, wandered into the room, a look of confusion on his face. "What’s got you all riled up, brother?" he asked, eyeing the disarray on the table.

Before Joel could respond, Sarah chimed in, a knowing smirk on her face as she drank her hot cocoa. "Dad’s trying to impress the new teacher," she said, not bothering to hide her amusement.

Tommy's eyebrows shot up, and he plopped down beside Joel, his expression turning into one of playful mischief. "Is that so? Trying to impress the teacher, huh?"

Joel sighed, feeling a flush of embarrassment. "It's not like that," he muttered defensively. "I'm just trying to get these plans sorted out. Also, she seems younger, you know?"

Tommy laughed, clapping Joel on the back. "You’re making excuses, man. I’ve never seen you this worked up about anything before. Sounds to me like you’re more interested in her than you’re letting on."

Joel shook his head, but he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. "She's just trying to do her job, and I don't want to make things harder for her. That's all."

Sarah giggled, leaning against the doorframe. "Sure, Dad. Whatever you say."

Tommy leaned back in his chair, still grinning. "Look, Joel, it’s okay to admit you find her interesting. But you can’t stress yourself out over this. We’ll help you figure it out. It’s just a field trip. Goddamn, you’re a lot more stingy to this rather than talking to the grumpy old man across the street that you almost cussed out."

Joel glanced at his brother and daughter, feeling a mix of frustration and gratitude. He appreciated their support, even if their teasing was relentless. "Alright, alright," he said, holding up his hands in surrender. "Let’s figure this out together."

They spent the next hour brainstorming ideas, Tommy throwing out suggestions with his usual carefree attitude while Sarah chimed in with practical advice. Slowly, the plans started to take shape. Joel felt the tension in his shoulders ease as they worked through the details. At least, he had an initial idea for your class’ field trip. 

As the last of the students filtered out of the classroom, Sarah gave her father a mischievous grin before heading off with her friends. Joel watched her go, feeling a mix of pride and trepidation. Once the room was quiet, he turned his attention back to you, taking a deep breath. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, handing it to you.

"This is, uh, the rough draft of the field trip plans," he said, his voice a bit strained with nerves.

You took the paper with a warm smile and gestured to an empty chair nearby. "Why don’t you grab a seat Mr. Miller? We can go over this together."

“You can just call me Joel, Maam,” you nodded and looked through the paper. 

Joel hesitated for a moment, but then he dragged the chair over and sat down beside you. You unfolded the paper, smoothing it out on your desk, and pulled out a pink ballpen from your pocket. 

His eyes shifted from the paper to the colorful array of pens spilling out of your pencil case. The case itself was decorated with playful designs and a few strips of washi tape, each adding a personal touch that he found unexpectedly charming. He watched as you reached for your pink ballpen, your fingers deftly maneuvering it as you made notes on his rough draft.

As you started scribbling on the paper, Joel’s brow furrowed, a look of concern crossing his face. "Am I doing something wrong?" he asked, his voice tinged with worry.

You looked up, noticing his apprehension. "Oh, no! It’s just a habit of mine," you explained with a reassuring smile. "I like to doodle while I think. Helps me focus."

Joel nodded, relaxing slightly. He watched as you continued to make notes. 

He couldn't help but smile as he observed your methodical yet creative approach. The pink ink swirled across the paper, punctuated by little stars and hearts that danced around your comments and suggestions. Joel was taken aback by how much personality you injected into such a simple task. It was endearing.

As he continued to watch, he found his gaze drifting towards you. He tried to be subtle, but his eyes traced the curve of your hand as it moved, the way your brow furrowed in concentration, and the gentle way you bit your lip when you were deep in thought. There was something soothing about your presence, a quiet confidence that he hadn't expected.

Joel's attention was momentarily drawn to the scent of vanilla that wafted towards him every time you moved. It was light and sweet, complementing the warmth of the room and adding another layer to the growing sense of comfort he felt in your company.

He shifted in his seat, trying to focus back on the task at hand, but his eyes kept returning to you. The way the afternoon sunlight streamed through the window, catching the strands of your hair and casting a soft glow around you, made it hard to look away. He was struck by how natural and unassuming you were, yet there was an undeniable spark that drew him in.

As you scribbled another note, you looked up, catching Joel's intent gaze. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the air thick with unspoken words. You broke the silence with a warm smile, your eyes crinkling at the corners. "You okay, Joel?" you asked, your voice soft and kind.

Joel cleared his throat, feeling a flush rise to his cheeks. "Yeah, just... watching you work. It's impressive."

You laughed lightly, “Thanks, Joel.”

Returning to the paper, you continued making notes, occasionally glancing up at Joel to ensure he was following along. He tried to focus, but his mind kept drifting back to the little details—the pink pen, the vanilla scent, the way you looked so at ease in your element.

After a few minutes, you paused, tapping the pen thoughtfully against your chin.

"I really like your idea of taking the kids somewhere engaging and interactive," you said, turning to look at him. "Rather than just going to a zoo or a museum, something hands-on will be much more memorable for them."

Joel’s eyes widened in surprise. "You really think so? I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea."

You nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely. Kids learn best when they’re actively involved. It’s a great way to make the experience more meaningful."

Joel felt a swell of pride at your words. He had spent hours agonizing over those plans, and hearing your approval was incredibly validating. "Thanks," he said, a genuine smile spreading across his face. "That means a lot."

You returned his smile, your eyes twinkling with encouragement. "We’ll just need to iron out a few details, like permissions and logistics, but overall, I think you’re on the right track."

Joel leaned in closer, his confidence growing. "Alright, let’s do this then."

For the next half hour, the two of you worked together, discussing various aspects of the field trip. You appreciated Joel’s practical insights and his willingness to listen to your suggestions. He sat beside you at the small, cluttered desk in the classroom, the map of Austin spread out between you. His rough draft of the field trip plans was covered with your colorful scribbles, and now you were both leaning over the map, discussing potential locations.

"What about this park?" Joel suggested, pointing to a green area on the map. "It's got a nice picnic area and some trails. The kids might enjoy that."

You nodded thoughtfully, considering the idea. "That sounds great. It would be good for them to have some outdoor time."

As you both continued brainstorming, you glanced up from the map and remembered something Sarah had mentioned earlier. "You know," you began, "Sarah mentioned something about horseback riding. She invited me to come along with you two."

Joel's eyes widened in surprise. "She did? What exactly did she say?"

You smiled, recounting the conversation. "She said you have a truck and that there's a place just a mile away. She thought it would be fun if we all went together."

Joel chuckled softly, shaking his head. He knew what his daughter was doing and it’s not even subtle anymore but he did notice that you had no idea what his mischievous daughter was doing. Before he could say more, you interrupted, your eyes sparkling with genuine interest. "Actually, I'm interested. It sounds like a lot of fun."

Joel was momentarily speechless. He hadn't expected you to be so open to the idea. Gathering his thoughts, he finally managed to say, "Well, that would be great. I think it could be a lot of fun, too."

As you both continued discussing the field trip, you glanced at the clock on the wall and realized how late it had gotten. "Oh wow, it's already seven in the evening," you said, surprised. "I think we've done enough for today."

Joel looked at the time and nodded. "Yeah, we should probably call it a day."

As you started packing up your things, Joel looked at you earnestly. "Let me take you home," he offered. "It's getting late, and I don't want you walking home alone. This town has its share of people who might take advantage of someone new."

You hesitated, not wanting to be a bother. "I appreciate it, but I don't want to trouble you."

Joel shook his head firmly. "It's no trouble at all. I insist."

Seeing the genuine concern in his eyes, you nodded in agreement. "Alright, thank you, Joel. I appreciate it."

Together, you left the school, the evening air cool and refreshing. As you walked to his truck, you felt a sense of camaraderie growing between you. Joel opened the passenger door for you, and you climbed in, feeling a mix of gratitude and curiosity about where this new connection might lead.

As Joel drove the truck with you in the passenger seat, he suddenly glanced over at you and asked, "Is it okay if we drive through McDonald's? It's for Sarah."

You smiled and nodded. "Of course, that's fine."

The drive to McDonald's was accompanied by a comfortable silence, punctuated by the hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of papers from the plans you had been working on together. Joel broke the silence, his voice warm and curious. "So, where are you originally from?"

"I'm from Louisiana," you replied, a hint of homesickness in your voice. "This is my first time being away from my family."

Joel nodded, his expression empathetic. "I know it can be tough, especially when you're used to having them around. Just a piece of advice, though: don't walk around at night alone. And if you need anything, you can call me anytime."

You appreciated his concern but didn't want to be a bother. "Thank you, Joel. I don't want to impose, especially since you have a busy work schedule."

Joel waved off your concerns. "It's no imposition at all." He reached out to the dashboard, retrieved a calling card from his company, and handed it to you. "My number is on there. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything."

You took the card, touched by his kindness. "Thank you, Joel. I really appreciate it."

A few minutes later, the truck pulled into the McDonald's drive-through. As you approached the ordering kiosk, the cashier's voice crackled through the telecom. "Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?"

Joel leaned over to the speaker and ordered, "I'll take two Big Macs and fries, please." Then he turned to you. "And what would you like?"

You hesitated, not wanting to add to the order, but Joel's encouraging nod made you feel more at ease. "I'll have a chicken burger, please."

Joel relayed your order to the cashier. "And a chicken burger as well, thanks."

As you waited for the food, Joel glanced at you with a smile. "Louisiana, huh? Must be quite a change coming to Austin."

You nodded, thinking about the differences between the two places. "It is. But I'm slowly adjusting. Your daughter, Sarah, has been a big help since I came to the class."

Joel chuckled. "She's a good kid. Always looking out for people."

The truck rolled forward to the pick-up window. The cashier handed over the bags of food, and Joel passed them to you to hold. As he paid and received the change, you couldn't help but feel a growing sense of admiration for him. His kindness and willingness to help made the transition to your new life a little bit easier.

"Thanks for doing this, Joel," you said as he pulled out of the drive-through and headed back towards your apartment.

"No problem at all," he replied. "I'm glad to help."

When you finally reached your apartment, Joel parked the truck and turned to you. "I'll walk you to your door."

You nodded, appreciating the gesture. As you both got out and he walked you to your apartment, the evening air was filled with the quiet chirping of crickets. When you reached your door, you turned to him with a smile. "Thanks again, Joel. For everything."

"Anytime," he replied, giving you a reassuring smile. "Have a good night."

"You too," you said, watching as he made his way back to the truck.

As you entered your apartment, the cozy familiarity of the small space greeted you. You placed your bag on the kitchen counter, the scent of vanilla lingering from your perfume. Joel Miller's calling card was still in your hand, and you set it down next to the fruit bowl, taking a moment to reflect on the evening.

Joel Miller. He was an enigma. In the classroom, his rugged appearance had caught your eye: the typical flannel shirt, worn-out jeans, and work boots—he exuded a blend of ruggedness and reliability. You remembered how he had seemed hesitant but determined to discuss the field trip plans, his deep voice carrying a hint of nervousness. Despite his rough exterior, there was a gentleness in the way he interacted with you and his daughter.

You recalled his strong hands pointing out locations on the map, the subtle scent of sawdust and pine mingling with the vanilla of your perfume. His genuine concern for your safety had touched you, and his easy smile had made you feel at ease.

But then you shook your head, trying to dispel those thoughts. Joel was a parent, and you were a teacher. It was inappropriate to think of him in any other way. You needed to maintain professionalism, especially since Sarah was one of your favorite students.

You made your way to the bathroom, flicking on the light. The cool tile floor under your feet grounded you as you leaned over the sink, splashing your face with cold water. The shock of the cold helped clear your mind. You stared at your reflection, droplets of water clinging to your skin.

"Cut it out," you muttered to yourself, gripping the edges of the sink. "He's just a parent. Focus on your job."

You took a deep breath and stood up straight, grabbing a towel to pat your face dry. The lingering thoughts of Joel Miller needed to be pushed aside. You were here to teach and not to get distracted by the rugged charm of one of your student’s parents.

You walked back into the living room and sat on the couch, opening your laptop to review tomorrow’s lesson plans. Immersing yourself in work was the best way to push those thoughts away. As you typed away, you reminded yourself of your priorities: teaching, supporting your students, and adjusting to life in Austin. 

Everything else, including your confusing emotions about Joel Miller, would have to wait.

Whatever that even means for you. 

CONTINUE READING: PART 1 | PART 3 ━━ AVAILABLE ON AO3

☆ MASTERLIST | NAVIGATION | SOCIALS | SIGN OFF BANNER MADE BY. @ALDERAANDORS

[0utpost-alpha]

Personal Thoughts On Red vs Blue: Restoration

Alright so, it’s been a few weeks since Red vs Blue Restoration hit the internet. I’ve had time to sit, think, cry and process RvB and Rooster Teeth as a whole ending. As I stated on a previous post, I got into RVB around 2015? I think Season 13 had ended then. So I haven’t really spent as much time with the Sims Troopers as many others have. But those 9 years were wonderful and I’m grateful for finding such an entertaining show and fandom. Any show that can make me laugh my ass off and also make me full on sob my eyes out is 10/10 in my book.

Anyway, moving on. I said I’d put out my own personal thoughts and feelings for Restoration in the form of a Pro’s and Con’s post; so here it is:

THE PROS

The AI Fragments: I LOVE them going back and focusing on the AI fragments again. I remember hearing that Miles was talking about how he was going to do something similar with them after the Chorus Trilogy but things happened and Jason ended up taking over after Season 14. I personally always adored the idea of the Reds and Blues each getting one of the AI fragments that suited their personal needs and would lead to more character development for them later on down the line.

Tucker and the AI’s: On the subject of AI’s, After Season 13, I remember reading a lot of fan theories and fanfics that often brought up what possible side effects Tucker could go through with Epsilon not only shattering but having all those fragments at once helping him power the Meta suit. And it looks like a lot of them weren’t far off! While we will never know what actually happened once those doors were opened, at some point either immediately or not long afterwards, the AI took control and ran off with poor Tucker.

Caboose’s Voice: While it was a little jarring at the beginning, being so used to Joel’s, Michael Malconian did a phenomenal job as Caboose’s voice. I feel like he got that child-like, not all there, but still ready to help out however he can personality down perfect. NGL, I think I actually prefer this voice to the old one. I’m just sad that we won’t get to hear more of this Caboose.

Speaking of Caboose: I love how they had Caboose have a big brain moment. Instead of bringing back Church, something he wanted more than anything, he knew Tex was their best chance against Meta!Tucker. Also, destroying the Memory Unit. Talk about huge character development for Cabooses character. (It’s also possible that this was what Church asked Caboose to do when he was whispering to him in the ship? I need to go back and rewatch it)

Simmons: I know there was already an image or video around showing Simmons with the robotic arm, but I kind of fell off the RvB bus after Zero came out so I missed a bit of content that was floating around on the internet. So me and @yourscientistfriend were tickled pink when we noticed his arm for the first time. It’s small, but nice to know that RT remembered that specific detail about Simmons.

Sarge’s Sacrifice: alright, this one is probably on a lot of peoples Con’s lists but I personally feel like, if any of them were gonna be killed off Sarge was the best because; he died doing what he loved. Fighting. He protected his boys and went down on his own terms. His farewell to Grif definitely hit the hardest. I think deep down we all knew Sarge cared about Grif, but actually hearing him say it was so satisfying.

Memory is the key: the boys sitting around the campfire reminiscing about everything they had been through together in the last 23 years was such a bitter sweet nostalgia blast. The fact that they also got BNL to do a song over it was kind of a nice surprise too.

THE CONS

A lot of characters didn’t really get a chance to shine. It mainly focused on Simmons, Grif, Tucker and Caboose for a majority of the movie. Donut was only there in a thought bubble for a gag, Carolina didn’t even show up till the very end, and Wash didn’t even get to fight, he honestly didn’t really even serve a purpose except to fall off a fucking cliff to get Carolina’s attention and I feel like that wasn’t even necessary. Hell, I think they even forgot about Lopez after that one scene at the beginning. I honestly feel for the Donut and Doc fans. They seriously got screwed over.

“Come With Me”: So. Grimmons didn’t become canon. I am, severely disappointed as I’m sure a majority of the fandom is. I wasn’t expecting a kiss or a make-out section or anything that extreme. But I feel after all these years of teasing us they could have given us SOMETHING.

Tucker Trauma: As I said in the Pro’s, I loved the set up they did with Tucker and the fragments. However, what I didn’t like was how they didn’t address the trauma Tucker went through with them controlling him. They forced him to kill innocent people, attack his friends and mentally tortured him in order to get him to cooperate or wear him down enough to take control. But after they remove the fragments, he’s just ok now? Back to his regular bow chika bow wow self? Don’t get me wrong, like with many of my other cons I realize that a lot of things had to be scrapped or cut because of time and that because Season 19 had to be turned into a movie instead of a full blown season they couldn’t properly address a lot that they probably wanted to. But I wish we could have at least got something along the lines of Wash taking Tucker back with him to get physically and mentally checked out.

Also, wtf is up with Grif just up and leaving. I know Season 15-17 was retconned (update: they weren’t retconned) but damn man, Grif really doesn’t care about any of them? Even after the whole reminiscing scene? It just feels out of character for him. I feel like after everything was said and done he would have taken those papers and shot them or something. Said something about how someone’s gotta give the new leader of the reds a hard time, said something about not leaving till he figure out why they were there!?  Anything than whatever the hell that was.

Thing’s I’m sad will never happen now that Red vs Blue is officially over:

More time with Locus’s character as well as character development and redemption (as well as possibly becoming one of the Reds and Blues)

Grimmons

Simmons’s getting an arc that better fleshes out his character and would give us more background into his history (I mean come on. From the bits and pieces we got over the seasons, it’s very clear Simmons’s had a shitty past. Yes, I’m still mad that his labyrinth was turned into a alien probing joke)

Never seeing an actual conclusion to the fight at the end of Season 13. (I get they wanted to let the fans play around with ideas on what happened but it still bugs me).

Wash and Simmons bonding during a knife training session

Wash and Tucker bonding over AI Trauma

Tucker and Junior bonding

Overall, it was an ending. And probably the most decent one we could have gotten considering everything that was going on. A lot of other shows didn’t even get that. So I honestly can’t complain too much. They also deliberately left the ending pretty open so the fandom could easily write their own ending if they wanted to which is awesome of them.  

[frankydink1992]

My thoughts on Rooster Teeth

Rooster Teeth managed to last over twenty-one years, first beginning on 1st April 2003. Established by Burnie Burns, Matt Hullum, Geoff Ramsey, Gus Sorola and Joel Heyman.Red Vs. Blue: A series based on the video game, Halo, was their first major series. Very funny and very quotable. Their team of personalities at Achievement Hunter created series such as Let’s Play and AHWU (Achievement Hunter Weekly Update). Achievement Hunter is how I consumed most of their material.

I first accidentally discovered them by seeing Fails of The Weak on YouTube: Back then I didn’t know which company was behind it. It was only a few years later when I realised who made those videos! Then I recognised Ray’s and Jack’s voices everywhere. I then immediately became an Achievement Hunter fan, watching shows like Rage Quit, Let’s Plays and GO. I absolutely fell in love with Geoff and then later, Ryan. Although, I have a soft spot for everybody. I eventually watched some Fun Haus and Cowchop content too as well as The Slow Mo guys, featuring Gavin Free and Daniel Gruchy. Later down the line I began to watch the RT Podcast, but the AH podcast took the top spot for me. I watched Rooster Teeth content for what must have been around fifteen years in total until I started to drift away from them. This ultimately came to an end after the Ryan incident. He was my top favourite Achievement Hunter,so it was a huge blow to find out what he was really like. 

Achievement Hunter ultimately helped shape my sense of humour and I regularly quote videos I’ve seen (which nobody else around me understands). Although I’d drifted away from watching their content, I’m still sad to have seen the decline and the secession of the company: We all wish experiences like that could last forever, don’t we? It was very sad to see Rooster Teeth decline so quickly after being acquired by Warner Bros, but we all have the good memories to look back on. In the beginning, I only really liked Gavin (because he’s English) and Geoff, but eventually I began to love everybody for their own reasons. Jack, because he always has some kind of quick witted retort. Ryan, because he was a bit of a weirdo (which used to be a good thing), and Lyndsay, because you can tell she takes no shit. It would be fun, some day, to look back on my favourite videos. I just don’t think I’m ready yet. Writing about it all is difficult enough. 

I can’t leave here without voicing my thoughts on Ryan and Adam (FunHaus). Ryan Heywood was my top favourite Achievement Hunter: Nerdy, good looking, funny, lovely. All-round good guy. And he has a wife and kids! I resonated with his gaming style and personality so much, which makes his off work behaviour all the more upsetting. A nude of his was leaked and it came out that he’d been using his status as YouTube star to groom young women into sleeping with him. Truly shocking from a man who conveyed the complete opposite in content. I remember being so surprised and upset when he announced he was leaving, and then discovering why. I never had any personal conversations with him or anything, but I somehow still feel hurt by him. I can only imagine how his friends and family feel about it all. I do hope he’s doing better these days, But he can never come back. He’s free to try, but that would go down like a lead balloon. I miss his voice and his humour (and his face, of course), but I can’t help but think of him as a bit of a creep now, which is very sad.

Rooster Teeth and its productions will always have a place in my heart and I don’t think it can ever be replaced. Although, the folks from the company occasionally do their own stuff and collaborate with each other. That’s really lovely to see.

[you-will-return]

So, after this rollercoaster, here's how my day continued:

- was literally the second person in line (in front of me was the guy who had made Santeri the Angry Tour Manager shirts, which was really cool, who btw had been there since 10!!! Holy shit)

- minutes later my friend showed up and for 2 hours we were 3 BC fans/ 1 BC + I Prevail fan and 2 just BC fans waiting in the rain (all of us surprised bc we weren't even THAT early and still got front row somehow?? BC shows are insane)

- photographer shows up and talks to us telling us she's nervous bc she's about to have an interview with the BC guys, we tell her not to worry and that they're super nice, she in turn is surprised that we all know/ some of us are only there for BC

- she came out a few minutes later and said that they really are nice and that she told them that there were fans of theirs already waiting so maybe...? Yeah they didn't come out but it was still sweet of her

- more people (incl. our other friend) show up

- the guys go to and come back from soundcheck (except for Joel and I think Olli who just stayed inside the venue until the show), not really sparing us any looks (except for Niko, who throws a peace sign our way)

- things I learned from talking to others: Aleksi apparently very often doesn't really know his way around a new place/ venue so asking him for directions might not have been the best idea lol AND Niko genuinely changed his fucking jacket before going to breakfast (which i'm insane about like WhAt??)

- eventually we get into the venue (not plot relevant but it was literally pouring for at least 2,5 of the 4 hours we spent waiting)

- FRONT FUCKING ROW, PEOPLE

- BC is on first

- literally didn't film half of the set bc I was having too much fun watching them

- I had a little nod of recognition with Aleksi after the first song (like, remember me? the lidl girl?)

- my friend had brought a "Thank you Joel for giving 12 points to Lord Of The Lost" sign bc she's a huge lostie and Joel literally went over to her on stage and picked it up so he could show it off on stage and he looked SO PROUD of himself (my other friend did film the moment so just DM me for her insta if you wanna see it)

- the amount of times I made direct eye contact with Niko was nothing new to me but still uncalled for, especially during the bad idea chorus

- Aleksi went to the front of the stage towards the end of the set and kinda looked around the front row and when we made eye contact I waved at him and he kind of sweetly/ kind of awkwardly smiled back at me tbh he's so sweet I- 🤲 (full circle after I thought I'd made him hate me in Berlin by accidentally looking into the green room and making DIRECT eye contact with him)

- Flatline slapped so hard live, I had such a good time and nearly lost it during alive or only burning which they played first, I think I kinda lost my voice during bad idea but it was so so fucking worth it, also I loved how the crowd participated during the "over my dead body" call and response thing

- Joel told us that he was happy to be in Germany and in front of a German crowd (it feels nice to be the fave for once tbh)

- and he did the pointing thing when Joonas did his solo!!!

- also Niko and Olli spinning in unison (which I did actually get a video of so be prepared for that)

- I had such a hard time focusing on specific members that at one point my brain got so overwhelmed from looking back and forth constantly that I just stared at Niko for most of the concert

- lastly as they went off stage Olli + Joonas threw their picks and I made grabby hands at Olli's, not thinking it would work but HE THREW IT TO ME AND I FUCKING CAUGHT IT!!!!! AAAAAAH (loved the short moment where he looked at me like "you sure you will catch it?" And I fucking did, take that 5- in sports)

- anywaves

- Trash boat was fun, VERY FUN actually and I had some time to get rid of all the adrenaline in my body

- I Prevail, who I had kind of listened to before but just not very intensely, were really really really good (sorry to their rapper, I did not know the words, but I did see you trying very hard to make me sing along <33)

But the crowd... THE CROWD!! It was fucking brutal. Constant pushing and shoving (even at the very front we weren't save from the effects of the pit), a plethora of crowd surfers (and me and my friends trying not to get decked either by them or the security helping them down). It was so so bad 😬 Any time that kinda died down I actually had a chance to enjoy myself but ughh it was so horrible

Sidenote: I did meet a very sweet person in the front row next to me, and we talked a lot, also the people around me were all trying very hard to keep things under controll so it wasn't all bad but the pushing still sucked

Overall I had a pretty good time tho (esp bc of BC but again music wise I also really enjoyed the others)

More to follow, will have a short nap now, have to be at train station at 12

y'all.... Y'ALL!!!!!

I'm sitting in the train rn so I have some time to write this:

So I arrived at the I Prevail/ BC show super early today (~14:45) but I thought to myself, hey I should go shopping beforehand, bc I didn't know how hungry I'd be in 4 hours

So I go to the Lidl nearby and get my Studentenfutter. There's a line at the cash register and the guy in front of me kinda looks me up and down as I approach but I'm like fuck this no human interaction for me today.

Then I see his BC crew jacket and I'm like, huh WEIRD and take a closer look at his profile while he's checking out the magazines next to us. TURNS OUT IT WAS FUCKING ALEKSI. GUYS WHAT THE FUCK.

So I'm standing there just... hyperventilating I GUESS. Thinking: you can't talk to him, he's buying waffles and cereal bars, you can't talk to him.... HOLY FUCK IT'S ALEKSI.

(Btw this man does not put the grocery separators on the checkout counter belt thingy... I was judging him so hard ngl)

So he pays before me and I pay for my stuff in a rush and I have like half of a plan at that point and so I dash after him (gracefully and non-stalkerly). And as I'm walking behind him (he walks incredibly slowly btw), I kind of approach him and, well here's what I still remember:

Me: Scuse me?

Aleksi, turns around: Hm?

Me: Aleksi, right?

Him, smiling confusedly: Yeah.

Me: Holy fuck. Um... (brain might have stopped working at this point) Could you tell me where the venue is? (Genuinely it was my first time there and Leipzig is confusing T.T)

Aleksi: Yeah sure. It's down the street and then it's that building over there.

Me, only having half-listened: Oh okay. Thank you.

Aleski: No problem.

Ngl his description wasn't that great and I still had to lowkey check every few minutes to see if he was still behind me but jfc I talked to Aleksi and didn't die on the spot!!!!

[dwellordream]

thoughts on TLOU Episode 1

as some of you may know, I am a huge fan of the game and of post-apoc fiction in general. i was very excited for the TV and the casting announcements, since i loved Bella Ramsey in The Worst Witch and Becoming Elizabeth.

I think the decision to make the prologue set in 2003 as opposed to 2013 was a smart choice in setting. Not only does it make the events of the show begin in 2023 when we jump 20 years in time, it also sets the outbreak as very close to 9/11 and in the midst of the War on Terror and a time of heightened fear, paranoia, and general government overreach in America. We see that effect on Sarah throughout the first half of the episode.

They did a great job fleshing out Sarah. We got to see her on her own for a bit and I think they showed her as having a very sibling-like relationship with Joel, which hearkens back to him being a teen father in the game, though he’s obviously older here, since you can only de-age Pedro Pascal so much. Sarah has a lot of independence and snark and you can see her father’s influence on her personality.

Joel being a veteran of Desert Storm makes a lot of sense and explains his hyper-awareness and disregard for violence in some ways, especially since they’re translating video game combat to a TV show. The action effects were also fantastic, especially the running Infected, which looked even scarier than the game.

I loved the bait and switch with the girl survivor who looks a lot like a younger Ellie at the start of the flash-forward. It was a neat trick and showed the brutality of the world- but also how FEDRA sees themselves as humane peacekeepers, not fascist overlords. 

The extended back and forth between Joel, Tess, and Ellie’s POV helped flesh Tess and Ellie out a lot right away. I liked that we got to see more of the inner workings of the Fireflies, and it was a treat to see Marlene’s actress from the game return. I really do hope we see more of her throughout the show. It took me longer to get used to Tess’ actress, since she’s a lot different in appearance from her game counterpart, but I think she did a nice job as well, especially her voice and physicality. She wasn’t just reduced to Joel’s girlfriend. 

Ellie and Joel’s interactions so far are great. Bella Ramsey gave Ellie a lot of bite and smarts right away and I was worried they would soften Joel’s personality a lot, but he’s still very hostile and cold. While the ending of the episode felt a little rushed, I loved the overall ending sequence with the song and the rain and the slow pan over the ruined city. 

In general, I loved how much color they still included in the show, rather than grey-toning everything, and I loved the tidbits of people lined up to send messages over the radio to relatives in other Quarantine Zones. It humanized the setting a lot.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

an icarus and his sun: chapter 10

A/N: y’all ever think about that one empires episode of pearl’s where she helps sausage fight off a raid and that turns into a pvp battle between them, and she absolutely destroys him? yeah me too. also check out this awesome art by @amostfoolishgold​! anyway back to jimmy pov!

Warnings: injury, unconsciousness, fevers, talk of death, violence, corruption/infection, self-blame

AO3 Link - Tumblr Masterpost

-

The sun was nearing the horizon, casting the Overgrown in a golden glow. The castle was beginning to take shape, but they had unfortunately run low on materials, and Joel and Lizzie weren’t back from their gathering trip yet. So for the moment, they all just sat in the half-constructed shell of a castle, having light conversation as they waited for Joel and Lizzie to arrive. But soon enough, the conversation dwindled into an awkward silence. That is, until Gem stood up with a determined look in her eyes and a gentle smile.

“Why don’t we head to my empire for dinner? We’ve been working hard all day and could use a break!” she said brightly. Jimmy wasn’t sure how he felt about Gem quite yet, after everything that had happened- but she and Pearl had been a huge help. Meanwhile Shelby looked intrigued by the offer, and while Katherine first nervously glanced to the horizon, she looked back to Gem with a smile.

“That is very kind of you, Gem. I’d love to- we should probably just leave a note for Joel and Lizzie to let them know where we’ve gone,” Katherine said, standing up as well. Gem looked to Jimmy semi-nervously- and well, Jimmy was always a bit of a softie, wasn’t he? He smiled at Gem and stood up too.

“That does sound nice, thank you for inviting us,” Jimmy said. Gem beamed, and Pearl looked relieved as she stood up next to Gem.

“Well, you definitely won’t see me complaining about free food!” Shelby chimed in, hopping up to her feet. That caused the group to break into laughter, and the air between them felt comfortable again.

Once Katherine had written the note and put it where Lizzie and Joel could easily find it, the five of them (minus Pearl, who had wings) equipped their elytra and flew off to the Crystal Cliffs. When they first arrived there, everything seemed normal. The grand cliffs themselves, the buildings nestled in and around them, the towers- it was a beautiful and mystical place. But there was something blue, white, and gold that stood out in a heap on the ground near one of the buildings- a very familiar something blue, white and gold.

“Oh my god-” Gem started, landing on the ground beside the figure.

“Is that-” Pearl said, unable to finish the thought as she landed just behind Gem.

“Scott?” Jimmy finished, voice shaking as he came in for a bit of an unsteady landing a few feet away from where Scott laid on the ground, breathing shallow and upon a closer look, something red pulsing and spreading beneath his skin like some sort of vine. Jimmy barely registered Katherine and Shelby landing on either side of him, too focused on what was before him.

“This- this red stuff reminds me of the redstone spikes in Fwhip’s empire- or maybe something from the nether?” Gem pondered as she knelt beside Scott, a purple glow coming over her hand as she reached out towards the infection in his arm.

“I’ve seen that before,” Shelby said, voice sounding distant and laced with horror. Everyone turned to look at her, surprised to hear such a terrified tone of voice from the usually enthusiastic gnome.

“The infection?” Pearl asked.

“The corruption. I’ve seen it happen to my people back home, until it consumed them until there was nothing left- it’s why I came here, to try and find a cure or some way to stop it. But nothing worked,” Shelby explained shakily, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. Jimmy felt like he was going to cry too- and some awful part of himself thought that he should be glad that this happened to Scott, that it served him right after betraying Jimmy and breaking his heart- but he couldn’t. Despite everything Scott had done, despite never wanting to see Scott again- none of that meant that Jimmy didn’t want a world where the winged elf wasn’t in it. And what about what Pearl had said? Scott didn’t seem happy with Fwhip either, but now Jimmy would never know the truth. Not if it died with Scott.

Jimmy was so wrapped up in his conflicted mess of emotions that he didn’t even notice that someone else had flown in until Katherine let out a sharp gasp. He tore his gaze away from Scott to see what had caused that reaction from Katherine- and saw Fwhip. A mix of anger and terror boiled in his veins and swirled in his stomach at the sight of him. Fwhip looked baffled to see so many people in Gem’s empire, and plastered on a forced friendly smile. Jimmy’s hand found Katherine’s, and she squeezed it back tightly with no intention of letting go.

“Gem! Hi, so I wanted to smooth things over- I think we left things on a bad note-”

“What did you do to Scott,” Gem demanded, cutting off Fwhip as she stood up from beside Scott. Purple sparks danced in the air around her, and Jimmy swallowed nervously- he didn’t think he had ever seen Gem seem so intimidating before. Jimmy was relieved to see that Fwhip looked nervous too.

“Well, I haven’t seen Scott since our meeting, he seemed upset when he left- weird that he ended up here- y’know I was actually gonna go and talk to him after you-”

“If by talk, you mean do whatever you did to Scott to us?!” Pearl demanded, hand on the hilt of her sword as she took a step forward to stand beside Gem.

“I didn’t-”

“I’ve had enough of your lies, Fwhip. What. Did. You. Do,” Gem said evenly. Fwhip swallowed nervously, before sighing and finally giving in.

“Okay, so I may have set a few traps in his empire and got Sausage to help me with letting a raid infiltrate his village and the surrounding lands- but I figured Scott could handle a few traps and some mobs, it was only meant to be a warning, I never meant to kill him! He must have really gotten soft if he couldn’t deal with it,” Fwhip rambled. Gem and Pearl seemed semi-satisfied with his answer, but Pearl kept her hand on her sword and purple sparks still danced around Gem. But there was something that Fwhip said that bothered Jimmy, and along with what Pearl had said… guilt was beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach.

“What do you mean by that?” Jimmy asked tentatively. Fwhip let out a harsh laugh, turning to Jimmy incredulously.

“The idiot actually fell for you. He was just supposed to be a distraction, a contingency plan to make sure you wouldn’t be trouble. But he got in too deep, and look where that got him,” Fwhip scoffed, looking down at Scott’s deathly still form in disdain. Guilt was crashing on Jimmy in waves now. He had pushed Scott away. Scott had actually cared about him and he pushed him away. And then he had no one to go to for help when Fwhip decided to send a “warning” and got hurt as a result.

“You’re lucky I’m a pacifist,” Katherine spat, more angry than Jimmy had ever heard her. He wished he could have shared her anger, shouted at Fwhip too- but Jimmy just felt numb.

“Well unluckily for Fwhip, I don’t have that problem,” Pearl fumed, drawing her sword. Fwhip started to scramble back as Pearl leapt at him. His backwards stumble turned into a run, and Pearl kept pace with him just fine, using her wings if necessary and brandishing her sword to chase him away.

“Pearl can handle him- can you three help me get Scott to the apothecary? I’d do it by myself, but he’s tall and there’s the bulk of his wings to worry about too,” Gem asked, looking down at Scott worriedly.

“Erm- right, of course,” Jimmy said, letting go of Katherine’s hand to join Gem at Scott’s side.

“Hold on- go to the other side and help me turn him over,” Gem said. Jimmy did as she asked, and being mindful of his wings, the two of them gently rolled Scott over so he was on his back. Scott was feverish to the touch, and even unconscious his expression was contorted with pain.

“He’s hot,” Jimmy said, distant horror in his tone.

“Now isn’t the time for that, Jimmy,” Gem teased, trying to lessen the tension in the air. Jimmy’s face scrunched up in irritation as he half-heartedly glared at her.

“He has a fever, Gem,” Jimmy huffed. Gem laughed nervously.

“I know, I know, just trying to make this less terrible than it is,” Gem sighed. Jimmy gave her a weak smile, and together the two of them gently lifted Scott up. Jimmy ended up mostly holding Scott, while Gem supported his wings. Scott’s head lolled against his shoulder, labored breaths fanning his neck. Jimmy should have felt embarrassed or flustered, cradling Scott like this- but he was too concerned with how limp and unresponsive Scott felt in his arms.

“I’ll get the doors for you!” Shelby offered, quickly making her way over to the apothecary door. Katherine hovered around Jimmy and Gem semi-anxiously, making sure that they had a good hold on Scott as they made their way over to the apothecary. But all went well, and they were able to safely transport Scott into one of the apothecary beds. He had begun to shiver and tremble every so often now, and Jimmy could have sworn the corruption had spread, reaching his fingertips.

“There’s gotta be a way to stop that, or at least slow it down,” Gem murmured in thought, pulling up a chair to sit at Scott’s side. She reached out to the cut where the corruption on Scott’s arm stemmed from, hand glowing purple again. She closed her hand over it, and her eyes began to glow the same purple as her hand. But then the glow flickered, turning red for a moment before it dissipated entirely and Gem drew her hand back with a yelp, stumbling backwards out of her seat beside Scott’s bed. Jimmy scrambled over to help her up, eyes darting nervously between her and Scott.

“Is everything alright? I chased Fwhip off, but I swear if he’s done something in here…” Pearl trailed off as she walked into the apothecary, eyes zeroing on Gem as she rubbed at her temples.

“I’m fine. The corruption- it fought back. It’s… alive, somehow,” Gem said with morbid curiosity in her tone.

“It’s a type of fungus. That’s as much as my people could figure out before I came here to try and find a cure. The red stuff is everywhere in my old home- even if you tried to get rid of it, it would just come back. And in the cases where it latched onto a person… there was no getting it out,” Shelby explained, sounding like she was going to cry. Gem hummed thoughtfully.

“Did you try any sort of magic with it?” she asked.

“No, my people were not magic-users- in fact I’d hardly seen magic before I came here, where the air seems charged with the stuff,” Shelby replied, gesturing around her. A determined expression came over Gem’s face.

“Then I’m not gonna stop trying. I don’t know if I can fully fight off the corruption, but I definitely think I can slow its spread. In the meantime, we’re gonna need to get Scott’s fever down- at this rate, that’ll kill him before the corruption will,” Gem said, resting the back of her hand on Scott’s forehead and frowning.

“He’s probably a little beat-up too- Fwhip did say he trapped his empire,” Katherine added. Gem nodded in agreement.

“We’ll need cool water and cloth to make a compress for his forehead- and I should have some healing potions around here- it couldn’t hurt to brew some more though too, just in case,” Gem rambled, starting to stand up before Pearl put up a hand.

“You two stay here with Scott, I know where you keep things around here. Katherine, Shelby and I can worry about getting things for you,” she soothed. Jimmy tilted his head in confusion.

“Wait, I can help get things too…” Jimmy trailed off uncertainly.

“You can help if you want. I just figured you’d wanna stick by Scott,” Pearl shrugged with a gentle smile. Jimmy flushed slightly as he looked down at the floor, away from Pearl’s knowing stare.

“I… yeah. I’ll stick by Scott,” he said softly, gaze shifting to look at the winged elf who always managed to make his emotions into a muddled mess. Scott was an enemy, a friend, a- a something, then an enemy again- but whatever Scott was to Jimmy now, he knew one thing: he wasn’t letting Scott out of his sight again. Doing so the last time caused this to happen. He had to be there if- no, when Scott woke up. He had to apologize for pushing him away, and hope that maybe Scott still cared about him after everything that had happened to accept it.

-

Taglists below! Let me know if you want to be added/removed!

MCYT General Fic Taglist: @corazon10000 @damiensaidno @franticfandomfanatic @gattonero17 @hetapeep41 @space-ace123 @vyeoh

AIAHS Taglist: @anty-kreatywna @beepa99 @devilwoodkitty18 @riobug

[okidenshi]

Welp, watched the first episode of tlou. Overall I did like it, here’s some thoughts

Thing i liked:

Ellie’s introduction immediately set up her personality very well- like just up and kicking the food tray and being a fucking bitch to the Fireflies... i laughed out loud like, YEA she does act like that- even as fans of the game we know she acts like that with David later on. Bella’s honestly doing a pretty good job at carrying the role so far- i don’t think anyone could ever top Ashley’s performance for me, like her voice/acting is just SO much of who ellie is to begin with, but Bella really is doing well and i’m excited to see her personality grow even more, and to see how Pedro’s character grows along side her.

I really loved when Sarah was in the back of the car when the Outbreak hits, It’s pretty similar to the sequence in the game- but honestly it translated over pretty nicely to film/tv- and i don’t think i’ve seen something filmed like that for tv, at least in awhile. That was the moment i MOST felt like i was in Sarah’s shoes and was scared to hell and back.

It was really fun to see/hear Merle Dandrige play Marlene. Pedro and a lot of the actors do a pretty good job of fitting each characters voice, but man it was nice to hear her voice and see her on screen- she just looks so much like Marlene too and i loved hearing that voice again :D

Fun to see the world of The Last of Us again- it really does stand out against other apocalyptic genre’s like TWD in it’s own way. I got a big kick out of the “WELCOME” sign on the Boston quarantine zone, but like, just everything is SO fucking broken and awful there... just visually a funny world building thing lmao.

OH, The opening credits were great- hearing Gustavo’s iconic theme again to the growing Fungi visual was very nostalgic, and gave me the same chills it did back in the day. Just in general, the music is so nice to hear in a show setting- like it really reminds me that’s a huge reason why the original game felt so cinematic was because of the music.

Things I was  “eh” about:

I think the actress for Tess is fine, but she’s just... casted a little too old imo. In the game, she’s obviously an adult, but is younger than Joel, which i think helps display that Joel’s fatherly instincts/role is still intact, even before he meets Ellie- it just like, silently helps convey to the player/watcher about his character. In the show, she seems to be same age as Joel, if not older, which is surface level fine, but ugh, idk, there’s something about her being younger that i liked- especially since she was like, “The Boss” to Joel, and like knew her way around the city and people at a younger age- and in the show, she feels less like that Boss Lady and more... just your average woman. She really goes into it though, i think it’s more of a writing issue.

I... wanted more emotion from Sarah’s actress. Again, a difficult role to play for the weight it needs to carry, but also be the “goggles” that the audience see’s through- and the first bits with her and Joel are pretty good- but from the time she leaves school, gets the watch fixed, goes home- she feels really flat.

I know it’s an adaptation, and this it’s a criticism even limited to the show, but god, i want the camera to focus on something for longer than 2 seconds. Like the scene where Joel & Tess find out Ellie’s infected, goes by too quickly- there’s some other scenes like that too but i just think that’s a lot of how television/movies are produced today.

I was honestly a little confused as to why they swapped a few things around from the game’s story (i know that feels like it would be obvious because its an adaptation but i have a point to this)... like instead of Robert stealing Tess & Joel’s guns that they smuggle, it’s a car Battery, and Joel wants the car Battery to go see Tommy (which is the most confusing thing to me so far because he and Tommy are on bad terms at this point, idk why Joel wants to go see him so suddenly at this point in the story, but maybe that’ll be expanded upon later), and like, Tess and Joel don’t even kill Robert.... but like they still end up meetng Marline... idk it’s hard to explain, but basically they change a few things around int he story to like... just...get to exactly what happens in the game... like i’m not sure why they didn’t just. Keep the series of events from the game if they were... just gonna get to the same point of smuggling ellie? Idk, it’s an adaptation, maybe they have a reason, but yea that kidna tripped me up, at least as a long time fan.

Anywho, definitely not a bad start!

[winnipegpatty]

hockey is [not] for everyone

and until it is, here’s what we can do to help change it.

UPDATE: While I was writing this, there have been reports that the NHL will be postponing games tonight (8/27) and tomorrow (8/28) which is GOOD. But I still think this information is important, and so I”m going to still share it. 

UPDATE 8/28: It’s been brought to my attention that Evander Kane (a co-head of the HDA) has sexual assault accusations against him from the past and is also very hateful towards black women, and does not support black women. I wholly, unequivocally support everything that the Hockey Diversity Alliance is doing, even with his involvement, but I do not support Evander Kane, his actions, or his treatment of women of color. I was asked to bring this to attention on this post so that other hockey fans of color could know his past and steer clear of him. I will, for just transparency sake and also extra information let you know who the guys are that are involved in the HDA so you can support them, and not Evander, and also link social medias where I could find them. 

Akim Aliu (co-head), Evander Kane (co-head), Trevor Daley, Anthony Ducalir, Matt Dumba, Nazem Kadri, Wayne Simmonds, Chris Stewart, and Joel Ward

okay, so like most of you i’m incredibly disheartened, upset, and frankly angry at the NHL’s lack of stance against racism over the past two days. For a league that made such a huge show of wanting to “end racism” they have yet again shown themselves to not only be “last to the party” as Matt Dumba put it, but literally not even AT the party. 

full disclosure: i’m a white fan who in no way shape or form is trying to come off as an expert here, but simply trying to create some actionable steps to try and help Change Hockey Culture, like I know all of us here on hockeyblr want to do. I know I woke up this morning feeling a bit like “well, what now?” and i don’t have all the answers, but i wanted to take a moment to highlight some of the ways i feel like we can help or further the conversation. if you have things you’d like to add to the list, feel free to do so or to message me and i’ll edit the post. 

The Hockey Diversity Alliance: pretty sure we all know what it is at this point, but they “strive to create sustainable change on all levels of hockey. At the top, [they] will educate and encourage accountability from our leagues and leaders. At the grassroots level, we will work to ensure hockey is accessible to anyone who loves the game.”

How can you support them?

1. follow them on instagram and twitter if you aren’t already. they’re sharing their latest efforts on there and also you can share some of their quotes/posts/etc on your own feed to raise awareness of the HDA

2. Shop their merch: proceeds go towards their initiative. 

3. Donate here: you can find a general breakdown of what they support with those funds here

4. Also, tell the NHL that you support the HDA and want them to be fully supported and backed by the NHL, and brought into the forefront of the conversation to change hockey culture. The HDA has sent the NHL a list of requests, tell the NHL that you support these and would like them to honor these requests! 

Black Girl Hockey Club: “The mission of Black Girl Hockey Club is to inspire and sustain passion for the game of hockey within the Black community, specifically with our mothers, sisters, daughters and friends.”

What are they doing and What can you do?

1. They have a scholarship for black girls ages 9-18, information about it can be accessed here if you know someone who could benefit from the scholarship program. 

2. They regularly are posting educational information

3. Donate here

4. They also sell cute stickers

5. Follow them on Instagram and Twitter

Soul On Ice: this is a documentary that has to do with black player’s role within the game of Hockey. You can find it on iTunes, Amazon, and Google Play. You can rent it for $2.99. It is also available in Canada for free on the CBC Gem app!

Boycott the NHL

1. if you watch their games legally, stop.

2. if you have one of their subscriptions, here’s how you can cancel it 

3. Unfollow the official nhl and nhl pr accounts if you are following them currently

4. tell them that you support the BLM movement as well as the HDA. Support the voices of Wayne, Matt, and other players from the HDA who are calling on the NHL to hault playoffs. 

5. don’t live blog or tweet anything about the games.

6. hold white players who have previously claimed their allyship accountable (in a respectable manner, don’t go harass people).

6. sign this petition asking the NHL to pause playoffs

7. support the Seattle Kraken Instagram page. They have posted in solidarity with Jacob Blake and against Police Brutality, and have posted a link to resources here. These resources vary from voter registration, to volunteer, to local seattle organizations, to hockey related resources as well. it is a good, comprehensive starting place so check it out, and send them some love on instagram because they are receiving a LOT of hate. They are currently, to my knowledge, the only team that has taken this stand. (Other teams have made statements since the postponement of games, but I haven’t see any offer resources like this!)

Time to Dream Foundation : this is a foundation founded by HDA Co-founder and NHL Alumnus, Akim Aliu. They strive to make youth sports, including hockey, more accessible and affordable for all kids. You can Donate Here 

Check out Akim Aliu’s CBS This Morning interview about the HDA.

Read Akim’s article in the Players Tribune if you haven’t already. 

[bigbrotherlouis]

i’m obsessed with joel farabee and morgan frost and you should be too: a primer

hello! welcome! recently i have become infatuated with morgan frost and joel farabee for a lot of reasons but mostly because of that one post that i spent like twenty minutes searching various blogs for that said “people are freaking out about sexualising hockey players, meanwhile joel farabee is one instagram comment away from telling morgan frost he’d suck him dry.” in my head rent free. hit a girl up if you have the post.

anyway! frosty and beezy:

[hard cut to me whispering “oh my god even their nUMBERS are friends” i’m fine.]

this is more like about vibes and less about facts, so you can google if you want to know more about their, like, bios and stats and stuff that’s not 99% rpf or conjecture. this primer is just the things that make me scream. however, that being said, they do play well on a line together and both are very good players.

joel farabee is american, from new york i believe but his dad is from philly, and falls neatly into the category of BORN TO BE A FLYER. longtime fan, hugely excited to play for the team, brings it up all the time.

morgan frost, from ontario canada, was not.

a real, actual tweet. he tweeted this with his WHOLE chest and then joined the flyers like three years later. i adore it. another real actual tweet i adore:

sweet, sweet joel. he misses his buddies :( no doubt including morgan because they are, by all appearances, obsessed with each other. i’m trying not to keep  using the word obsessed in this primer but it’s hard because they are. morgan’s a year older, a first round draft pick in 2017 and joel’s a first round pick in 2018, but they didn’t start playing together until 2019, i believe, because joel played for a college team in boston. side note: he also captained team usa and wore a number 28 in honour of claude giroux and i am absolutely not okay about it.

e! mo! tion! al! incidentally, frosty wears danny briere’s number when he plays for the flyers, which. take from that what you will. iykyk. their NUMBERS are FRIENDS. HERITAGE SOULMATES. joel’s been called up to play on the flyers (and did really well in the playoffs!) but we’re still waitin’ for morgan to come along too but the coaching staff hasn’t recognised the raw power of true love yet so.

at this point, you’re probably saying “sasha shut up about their fucking numbers and talk about why they’re obsessed with each other” but good news! i do not need to do that because the official flyers media has done that for me! (x) i’d recommend watching it because it’s a lot packed into a neat 100 seconds, but notable moments include the voice over saying “joel farabee and morgan frost have found that going at it together has its benefits” within the first thirty seconds. that is a real direct quote. i can’t believe it either. there’s also a lot of light homoerotic bonding over playing chel, them sitting across from each other  on their beds, the admission of being ROOMMATES (oh my god they were roommates), this shot of them sitting with their mouths wide open on either side of their dad,

and also joel wearing a hat with a canadian maple leaf on it, despite being from the the united states. wonder where he got that from. please watch the video.

when they’re not playing chel or, you know, going at it together, they’re being horny in each other’s instagram comments. there’s honestly.... so many of these that i can include but we’re just gonna go with my favourites.

when i say i think about this comment on a picture of morgan with isaac ratcliffe, a fellow flyers prospect on a daily basis, i mean it. i’ll be just doing my thing, minding my own business, and MORGAN MAKES ME VENMO HIM JUST TO TALK will pop into my head, completely uninvited. king shit for morgan to do and king shit for joel to admit on social media for the world to see, but joel admitting things he maybe shouldn’t is a running theme. 

cool. TOTALLY not flirting or anything.

joel. also both their exhibitionist streaks should be explored in fic more i am JUST sayin.

ok but bee you were lookin. like you can chirp but you were lookin, don’t lie. 

when ur in love with ur roommate but ur both hockey players so u can only communicate that love via chirping when he’s with the boys :(

what’s it called when you vibe really well with someone and also live with them and also comment on their shirtlessness and also maybe kiss them on the mouth a little? d... da... dating?? can’t be it.

morgan is a little more composed in the comments and mostly just posts inside jokes i cannot comprehend, or compliments. it’s still cute.

this was on a playoffs pic where joel’s wearing #28 love 2 see it love a supportive boyf always

this one was of joel with a fish he caught and i’m sorry but i did not want it on my phone.

but morgan can’t hide his affection for long. (me, in the distance: TWENTY EIGHT TWENTY EIGHT TWENTY EIGHT!!!!!!!)

there’s more comments but they’re boring and this is long, mostly joel chirping  morgan for wearing baseball or football stuff. however! they are also on twitter where they keep each other humble after incredible goals, like bros do,

this is DEFINITELY flirting. like, blatant. it’s like that kind of flirting when you’re thirteen and you don’t know what to do with your body so you just kinda steal your crush’s stuff or insult them because all attention is good attention, right??

but when push comes to shove, beezy is always gonna look out for his boy (because they are in love):

some important pictures of them together, for your pleasure: 

this is so DUMB and i love it

friends supporting friends!!!

this is them meeting their hockey dads :) so cute :) joel is promising g that he’ll have morgan back by ten yessir he will be respectful of boundaries and curfew. jake is high fiving morgan on getting some. this is facts i just call em like i see em.

and finally!

is this allowed?????  is this allowed???? it’s hard to tell but i’m pretty sure that’s joel on his knees for in front of morgan and i just??? how is that allowed???? it’s been five days and this picture has RUINED me. someone write me an essay to have on my desk by morning, stat.

also v unrelated but here is a video of morgan frost reading, proving he’s the smart one in the relationship. that’s not saying much but, hey! at least there’s proof he can read.

obviously different ships capture people in different ways but there’s something about them to me, personally, that is just so captivating. there’s a lot of potential for different fic vibes, and joel in particular always has a really fun voice to read (and also to write). they definitely have chemistry, they’re pitted against each other so there’s a good-natured rivalry going on, CLOTHES SHARING AND HERITAGE SOULMATE NUMBERS, and, like, they just genuinely seem to enjoy each other. someone PLEASE write more fic for them or by god i’ll have to do it myself.

ok that’s everything for now, i believe. they’re in love and don’t care who knows it and i’m obsessed. (however, i’m also obsessed with joel farabee and andrei svechnikov together, for which i have a one-picture argument for here.)

(p.s. anything not linked i screenshotted myself thank youuu for reading have a good day and remember: morgan makes joel vemno him just to talk 😌)

edit: hello. i wrote this on election night as a way to take off the edge of my nerves and it is not as funny or screechy as i wanted it to be so i’m going to add some now.  

[tlou2holland]

Joel x reader ( Pt 7 )

summary: Joel and Y/N take their relationship to the next level

warnings: cursing and smut 

you can read the previous chapters here 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you fuck Joel.“ Ellie mumbles, rubbing her temples while you blush furiously. “I wanted to tell you! Just didn’t know how I guess.“ You run a hand through your hair and Ellie simply looks at you, Dina giggling next to her. “You owe me a comic.“ Dina nudges Ellie with her elbow and she scoffs. “I know.“ “Wait, you guys had a bet?“ You ask confused. Your friends just laugh and you slowly relax on the bed, knowing they’re not angry with you. “It was Jesse´s idea. Ellie almost won, but you couldn’t wait another month to fall in love with Joel, soo-“ Dina bites her lip with a huge smile and even Ellie chuckles, although she looks slightly uncomfortable. You can’t blame her, you wouldn’t want to see your father figure kissing your friend, either. “I´m sorry for not telling you guys sooner, Joel and I wanted to wait until we’re sure things will work out. And we didn’t really know how you would take it.“ You shyly look over to Ellie and she clears her throat. “It kinda weirds me out that Joel and you are a thing, I mean, Joel is a dinosaur and you’re my friend. But its fine, I’d rather see him with you than anyone else.“ She shrugs her shoulders and Dina scoffs, rolling her eyes. “It’s not really a surprise, anyways. You´ve been crushing on him for months, it was awfully painful to watch.“ Dina fake winces and you slap her knee, laying down on your stomach afterwards. “Ha ha. Very funny.“ You bite back a smile and Ellie slides a bit lower, resting her back against the headboard of the bed while laying her arm behind Dina. Dina notices and scoots closer, leaning into Ellie. She nudges you with her foot and you watch your friends from the end of the bed, legs dangling in the air. “But please don’t kiss Joel in front of me. I can´t even imagine-“ Ellie shudders and you groan, fisting the sheets in your palm. “Don´t worry, we-“ “Oh Ellie, they’ve done a lot worse.“ Dina interrupts you and teasingly wiggles her eyebrows, finding the blush on your cheeks quite amusing. “Pictures out of my head!“ Ellie scrunches her nose in disgust and you hide your face behind your hands. “You suck, Dina.“ You mumble, earning a kick from her. “Hey!“ You protest, pushing her feet away from you. “You, my dear friend-“She begins while batting her long lashes at you, “can call yourself lucky that we’re teasing you, instead of being mad at you for lying to us. You own us a shit ton of gossip! Like, Joel and you?? Finally something exciting happens here.“ Dina throws her head back and Ellie chuckles at the hard impact on her shoulder, sneakily resting her hand on Dina´s arm. “I don´t think Ellie wants to hear my gossip about Joel. It’s mature content.“ You laugh and bite your fingertip, feeling the heat creep up your face. Ellie fake gags and holds her hand up. “Stop! I really don’t want to know anything sexual about Joel. You can keep your dirty gossip to yourself.“ Dina grabs Ellies thigh and shakes it slightly, missing out on Ellies flushed expression. “Oh come on, Joel is a grown man and Y/N´s old enough too. It’s only natural.“ You look at Dina and nudge her foot to make her shut up. “Can we talk about something other than my sexlife?“ You plead, Ellie sharing your distressed look. “Yes, please.“ She says, pinching Dinas arm and making her gasp. “What was that for?“ She asks, looking up to Ellie. Their eyes meet and you smile, seeing the way they look at each other. “for making Y/N and me uncomfortable!“ Ellie laughs and Dina smirks, teasingly running her hand over Ellies thigh. Ellie tenses and you look away, feeling the tension between them. “I´m good at making people uncomfortable.“ Dina lowers her voice and you cough, squirming on the bed. “you´re right about that.“ You say, pulling the two out of their little moment. Ellie audibly exhales and Dina snuggles more into Ellies side, waving her hand in front of her. “not my problem all my friends are prudes.“ She jokes, and you rest your chin onto your palm. “At least you have friends.“ Ellie laughs at that and you join, feeling a weight lift off your chest. You’re damn lucky Dina and especially Ellie aren’t mad at you, it could have gone a lot worse.

“My options are kinda limited, but you guys are alright.“ Dina makes a face and grabs the remote from her nightstand. “And now let’s watch the movie, before Y/N gets lovesick and leaves us for Joel.“ She turns on the TV and you shut her up by throwing your only pillow at her, turning onto your side afterwards. The intro of some 80´s movie Ellie wanted to see begins to play, and you nuzzle your head onto her lower leg, ready for the movie night to begin. 

“She´s not mad?“ Joel asks surprised when you visit him the next day. You shake your head, tiredly rubbing your eyes. You didn’t sleep much, thanks to Ellie and her love for old movies. Instead of watching one movie and going home afterwards, you stayed awake till dawn and slept only some hours. “No, sure she finds the thought of us together weird, but she’s accepting.“ You yawn and rest your back against the chair, closing your eyes as a gust of wind whistles by. Joel sits next to you, strumming away on his guitar while you enjoy the little sun that is out on his porch. “You stayed over?“ He bops his head with each chord he plays and you squint an eye at him, catching his relaxed expression. “Yeah, Ellie made us watch her favorite movies. Some pretty old stuff.“ You laugh and Joel puts his guitar down, a glimmer in his eyes. “Movies from the 80´s?“ He looks at you, and you tilt your head as you eye him up and down. His hair starts to grow over the tip of his ears and his forehead lays in thin wrinkles. “Yeah, she’s obsessed with them. Do you like them, too?“ You reach out and push some hair out of Joels face, making him chuckle. “Ellie and I used to watch them together back to when she was still living in my backyard.“ Joel gestures behind his house and you frown. “Why did you guys stop?“ Joel heavily exhales at your question and briefly looks into your eyes. “Thats a long story.“ Joel doesn’t meet your gaze and you take his face into your hands, leaning forward to softly kiss him on the lips. “I am here if you ever want to tell me.“ He‘s unsere how to respond to that, you can tell. But his mouth opens and the words start flowing out, even the smallest detail finally lifting from Joel’s haunted heart. He tells you everything. How he met Marlene and why  she asked him to bring Ellie to the fireflies, to make a vaccine against the virus. How his girlfriend back then sacrificed herself after being bitten, and how he and Ellie started to become an inseparable team. You couldn’t believe what Joel was telling you. Ellie is immune? There would have been a cure and a way out of his hellhole? “And when Ellie and I made it to the fireflies, and Marlene told me Ellie had to die, I just couldn’t let it happen.“ Joel runs a hand over his face and you listen, hand holding onto his knee. “I did what I had to do to get her out.“ Joels gaze hardens and he looks at you, face stern and mouth pressed tightly together. “I told her there is no cure, and her immunity isn’t of any use. That there are dozens like her, and they stopped looking for a vaccine.“ Joel swallows and you open your mouth, heart heavy with feelings you can’t express. It just sounds unreal. This terrible world is all you’ve known, and your friend could have been the key to end it all. “Oh Joel.“ You whisper, grabbing his hand when you see his shaking fingers. “She found out that I lied to her. Said she’s done with me.“ Joel clears his throat and looks into the distance, lip quivering dangerously. “I would have done the same.“ You say, mind slowly starting to work again. “Safe Ellie, I mean. Or you, doesn’t matter. I wouldn´t want to live without either of you, even if all of this would have come to an end.“ You gesture to the guarded fences and watchtowers, and the dangers that lay behind these walls. “So I understand.“ This makes Joel finally look at you, and you swear you see a tear running down his cheek but he’s quick to wipe it away. “I told Ellie the same. She came to me a couple weeks ago, said she doesn’t know if she can ever forgive me for that.“ Joel chuckles dryly and mindlessly traces the back of your hand with his thumb. “But she said that she likes to try.“ Joels voice breaks and you leap out of your seat, wrapping him into a bone crashing hug. His arms wind around your waist as you sit on his lap and kiss his forehead, leaning your cheek against it afterwards. “She will come around, you guys share a past. I´m sure she would have done the same for you.“ You brush over his back and he rests his head into the crook of your neck, his hot breath fanning over your cleavage. “I understand that she can’t forgive me for that. She’s right, I knew what she wanted and took that from her. But I would do it all over again if I had to.“ Joel breathes heavily and you nod, wrapping your arms around his neck. “The things we do for love.“ You mumble, staring blankly into the distance. “The only other person who knows are Tommy and Maria.“ Joels voice is so quiet, unusual to his otherwise rough and deep way of speaking. You peel yourself away from him and tilt his head upwards to make him look at you. “I won´t tell anyone. Never.“ You lean down and capture your lips in a kiss, tasting coffee and simply him. He grunts and grabs your thighs harder, knuckles turning red from the cold. He doesn’t want to think about Ellie anymore, as it saddens him, and focuses on you instead. “Let´s go inside.“ He whispers, so that’s what you do. You grab his hand and pull him up, into the living room where you sit down and guide him to the empty space next to you. You push him deeper into cushions and keep a tight hold on his shoulders while you rest your legs on either side of his hip, sitting down on his crotch. “I wouldn´t want to miss you for the world.“ You whisper as you kiss the spot below his ear, hands messing up his unruly hair even further. Joel shivers under your touch and grabs your hips, breathing shakily into your ear. You feel his body tense and stop, paying attention to his face and running your fingertips over his wrinkles. “Let me show you how much you mean to me.“ With that you properly sit on his lap and grind back, feeling the rough friction of his jeans against your own clothes. Joels eyes flutter shut and his mouth opens slightly, a deep grumble coming from his throat. You cup his jaw and kiss him, tongue lazily licking his bottom lip and teasing the inside of his mouth. You want to distract him and make him happy, to truly make him understand that you’re there for him. You feel his hands creep up under your jacket and mirror his actions, hands opening the zipper of his jacket and peeling the fabric from his broad shoulders. Joel eagerly leans forward and removes his jacket, holding onto your lower back while he attacks your collarbones with kisses. His fingers move to your front and undo your jacket, joining his on the floor. You giggle and lean into him, pulling on his hair when he bites your sensitive flesh. “Joel-“You breathe out, grinding against him once more. “This is about you, not me.“ You remind him when you see his dark eyes and pink lips. He stops and looks at you, hand coming up to brush over the back of your neck. “making you feel good makes me feel good.“ He tries to connect your lips with his, but you turn your head and his lips land on your cheek instead. “just let me.“ You peck his lips when he frowns and slowly move to the side, exploring the harsh hairs of his beard while you kiss his jaw and neck, fingers quickly working on the buttons of his jeans. Joel starts sweating slightly and you remove his shirt, fingernails grazing the warm skin of his chest. You feel him grow beneath you and throw your head back, supporting one hand on his knee while you rock yourself back and forth on his crotch, sighing when his lips suck on your neck and dip deeper to the rim of your blouse. You quickly lift your arms and undress yourself, shivering when Joels breath meets the valley of your breasts. He carefully pushes the fabric of your bra down and kisses the soft flesh, humming when you press into him. You stop your movements and let him kiss your chest, hands flying into his hair and massaging his scalp. “Lean back.“ You whisper when you feel his kisses getting harsher and breaths quicker, hands impatiently playing with the rim of your jeans. He does as he’s told and watches you climb off him, getting out of your jeans and urging him to do the same. When he’s about to get rid of his underwear, you grab his hand and stop him. You guide his hands around your lower back and rest them on your bum as you climb back onto him, lining yourself directly onto his hard one and grinding your cores against each other. Joel buckles up into you and you almost moan, eyes squeezing shut and mouth opening. The air around you is hot and you feel your hair sticking onto your forehead, Joels own body heat only increasing your warmth. “you´re teasing me.“ Joel mumbles against your neck when you press your fronts together. “Do you want me to stop?“ You ask in a low voice, lips dangling over his and touching as you speak. “No.“ He shakes his head and applies pressure to your bum, making you grind forwards. Your mouth forms into an o when you feel your wetness spreading onto him, and a shaky sigh slips past your lips. You run your hand down his belly and between your cores, feeling his clothed member in your palm before you pull his boxers down. Joel gets the hint and slides your underwear to the side, fingers holding it in place while he aligns with your entrance. “I love you.“ You whisper as he pushes into you, and you lower your hips to meet his thrust. Joel holds your lower back while you lean into him and looks into your hooded eyes, adoring your almost naked frame leaning against his. “I love you.“ He responds, mouth meeting yours for a soft kiss while you wrap your arms around his neck. Your chest almost suffocates him as you inch closer and move your hips back and forth, tensing your muscles at the hot friction against your core. Joel starts melting under you as well and his hands move upwards, cupping your neck with one hand while he holds you close. You lift your hips and sink down onto him, repeating the movement when you hear Joels heavy grunts next to your ear. Your forehead comes to rest against his shoulder when you grab onto the cushions for support, picking up on speed. “You feel so good.“ You kiss his neck and moan loudly when he thrusts into you, the sound of skin slapping on skin filling the room. Joel grabs your chin and makes you look at him, the sight of him alone almost making you come undone. “I don´t ever want to lose you.“ He rests his forehead against yours and you cry out in pleasure as you continue to ride him, rocking your hips against his. “You´ll never lose me.“ You mumble between heavy breaths, kissing every inch of his face that you can reach. Joel gasps huskily when you shift your weight and lean back, allowing him to push deeper into you. “I´m yours and you’re mine.“ You look at him and run a finger over his open lip, smiling when he kisses your fingertip. Your whole stomach is in knots and you feel your legs getting weak, the friction on your core almost unbearable. Joel picks up on your tensing body and slips a hand between your hips, gently rubbing your bundle of nerves while you squirm on top of him. Your grip on his shoulders tightens and you furrow your brows as you sink harder onto him, feeling his own release nearing with each thrust. Another grind of your hips is all it takes for him to come undone, shielding your own body with his as he hugs you so tight all air leaves your lungs. You rest your whole body  against him as you let go, hot waves washing through your bones and making you see stars. Your hands slip from his shoulders and wander over your own body as you breathe abruptly, legs quivering and face tensed. The heat in your belly and chest gets overwhelming and you need Joel to hold you close, holding onto him for dear life. You hear your own blood rushing through your ears and Joels heavy pants next to it. "Oh god." You pinch your eyes shut and hide your face from Joel, body tensing one last time. After you calm down, you feel his fingertips on your back and sides, his beard tickling the side of your face. You move and let him slip out of you, shivering at the loss of contact. Joel carefully lifts you onto the seat next to him and pulls his boxers back up, hovering over you as you lay down on the couch. “Move in with me.“ He says, face glowing in the dim light. You laugh tiredly and grab his shoulders, pulling him on top of you. You wrap your aching legs around his middle and lock him in place while he rests his weight onto his elbow, face inches away from yours. “I´m serious. We wasted so much time with tiptoeing around each other, let´s not lose any more.“ He runs his hand through your hair and you swallow, eyes gazing back and forth into his own. This all feels like a dream, and as you come down from your high, you realise he’s still waiting for an answer. Are you moving at a quick pace? Yes. Do you have any doubts? No. “I´d love to move in with you.“ You close your eyes and kiss him, wrapping your arms around his chest and almost disappearing beneath his form.  “I feel like a teenager again.“ Joel shakes his head and unties himself from you, moving to grab a towel to get you cleaned up. You stretch your tired limbs and watch him skip up the stairs. “You´re quite the romantic, can´t deny that!“ You call after him, and laugh when you hear him huff. It’s true, Joel is way sweeter than you ever expected him to be. Behind his hard shell and fear of losing any more loved ones, the old Joel is still buried deep inside. And you managed, with lots of patience and love, to make him show you this side of him. You can´t even describe the amount of happiness you feel when you think about him, now that he’s an integral part of your life you no longer want to live without. You really managed to find love in times when death and horror rule the world, and you are beyond grateful for that. “Hey Joel?“ You say as you hear him rummaging upstairs. “Hmm?“ He responds, closing a drawer and stomping the stairs back down. You watch his trained form walk over to you and smirk, dangling your feet off the couch. “how about you take me out on a proper date once I moved in?“ You thankfully take the towel from him and quickly run it over your body before getting dressed again. Joel lets himself fall back against the cushions with a loud thud, and watches your every move. “I fear to disappoint you baby, options here a limited.“ He shrugs his shoulders and you stop buttoning your blouse as you hear the nickname slipping past his lips. “Oh I´m not asking for much.“ You walk over to him and stand between his legs, smoothing down his hair and staring at his chapped lips. “Just a nice evening on your porch with a glass of wine while you sing for me.“ You beam at him and he rolls his eyes, a chuckle erupting from his throat. “If that is all it takes to make you happy.“ He traps you in his arms and you eagerly sit down next to him, body worn out and tired. “You is all I need.“ You snuggle into him and close your eyes, his strong chest comfortably resting against your side as you swing your legs over his lap. He rests his hands on your knees and leans back himself, eyes falling shut and body relaxing. “All I need now is a nap.“ He mumbles and you laugh, sliding lower and resting your head against the pillows, sleep washing over you. 

-----

I feel like I´m moving their relationship too fast but I can't stop lol, I just need more happy Joel in my life

[rovewritesit]

Angel Of My Dreams (Chapter 4) John Deacon x Reader Series

Series Summary: After reluctantly joining a band with your childhood best friends, you are thrust into oncoming stardom with no sea legs and an overwhelming sense of anxiety. But you just might find your way, thanks to some seasoned pros by your side. And the interest of one particular bassist.

This series is a work of fiction, and is loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

Pairing: John Deacon x Reader

Chapter Warnings: Strong language. Feelings of anxiety.

Chapter Notes: This one was a doozy! Don’t start your very first fic with only a vague idea of where it’s going, friends! Quick reminder that this is a slow ass burn. Gonna take us a bit to get there but want to point out there will be no infidelity. Also fun fact: my grandfather actually did work at Elaine’s and the Mick Jagger story is true.

Song/Title Inspiration: Angel - Fleetwood Mac

Songs Mentioned:

Hallelujah, I Love Her So - Ray Charles

Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) - Billy Joel - [I know it wasn’t released till the 90s but I couldn’t shake it]

Taglist: @yourlocalmusicalprostitute​ @brianmays-hair @deacyblues @squishy-geckboye @hae-bee @aprilaady

- - - - - - -

July 1982 - Freeport, Long Island

“I’ll be right back,” you sigh to no one in particular, pushing yourself off of the faded paisley couch in the basement of Steve’s parent’s house and making your way upstairs for a glass of water. The dull pounding in your head had only gotten worse from repeatedly staring at the green shag carpeting leftover from the prior decade. Navigating the layout of the familiar house with ease, you make your way to the kitchen.

“Oh, Bunny! Wonderful, I was just about to bring down some iced tea,” calls out Steve’s mother upon seeing you.

“Thanks, Mrs. Castellano. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Well, you know me. It was too quiet when you were all away.” The Limbs had recently gotten back from a small European tour--the album having spread beyond England; to Scotland, France, Germany, and Belgium. “I can’t help myself when I get all of you back under my roof. Speaking of… how’s it going down there?” she presses.

You keep your deadpan expression glued to your face as you lock eyes with the kind woman.

She grimaces, “I had a feeling. You better bring this back yourself then,” she hands you the pitcher.

“Will do. Thanks again, Mrs. C,” you tell her as you start to trudge your body back towards the basement. You let out a deep sigh before yanking the door open and descending into the pit of your own personal hell.

Lawrence’s voice booms from below, “I said simple! A simple four to the floor, and that’s it.”

The rest of The Limbs were right as you left them. Eddie and Rich lounge on the couch that is pushed up against the wood-paneled walls, their guitars strewn casually over their legs as they watch the ongoing argument. Lawrence paces around the room, his hands seemingly glued to his head as he pulls on his hair, and Steve sits behind his drum kit that’s tucked away in the corner. Padded blankets hang from the ceiling around him - a sorry excuse for soundproofing.

“Oh c’mon, I’m just adding some flavor to it! I’ll be as boring, sorry simple, as you want when we actually record it,” Steven replies, twirling a drumstick in his right hand.

Rich lets out a sigh as he clocks you making your way back. “Bun, any help here?”

You softly place the pitcher on a table off to the side before turning to the group, leaning back on your hands. “I just don’t get why we need to debut something new if it’s obviously not ready,” you say carefully.

“Of course you’d say that,” Lawrence grumbled, gesturing in your general direction. “Do you not want to sing it? Because you all told me you thought it was good!”

“It’s not that, and you know it, it’s just-”

“It just needs some work before Sunday, so let’s run the rhythm section again,” Eddie cuts in impatiently from his perch on the back of the couch. He untangles his spidery limbs and makes his way over to where you’re camped out.

“Okay, I’ll explain it again,” Lawrence huffs.

“We don’t need this stress two days before we play,” you tell Eddie softly.

“It’s a hometown show, Y/N,” he looks at you pointedly. “These folks helped get us to where we are. It’ll be nice to give them something new.”

The label had secured The Limbs a night at the Jones Beach Theater, the largest outdoor venue on the island. People from all over traveled to watch such acts as Jimmy Buffet, James Taylor, and Aerosmith, the height of entertainment for the suburban droves. And now they’ll be camping out for the first hometown Limbs show since they’d been signed. It was a huge deal, and you knew it, but you didn’t need something unfamiliar to throw off your already wavering shadow of a presence on stage.

Rich begins to pluck out the new bass line, carefully watching Lawrence’s reaction as he plays. On the pick-up, Steve again adds a light flourish as he joins in.

“Steve! For god’s sake! What did I just say?!”

“Live a little, will ya, Lawrence!” Steven shouts back.

The door to the basement wrenches open, and you all freeze. Mr. Castellano’s footsteps are heavy as he stomps down the stairs, somehow staring all of you down at once.

“Kids. If you’d be so kind as to keep it down a tad. I already have to watch the Yankees hand their asses over to the Blue Jays up there. I would at least like to hear it.”

“Sorry, Dad,” Steve mumbles.

“Thank you.” He starts to make his way back up the stairs but halts, turning to you once again. “Oh, also, someone from your label called before,” he adds on casually.

Steven jumps up from his stool, “What?! Dad!”

“What?! Steven!” he mimics. “I’m not your secretary.”

“Can you just tell us what they said?” Steve scoffs at his father.

“Something about being invited to a show at The Garden tonight. Some band. It’s… Dang it. I wrote it down somewhere,” he mutters, making his way back up the stairs.

“I wonder who it is,” Rich thinks aloud, glancing around to all of you.

Eddie notices as your body immediately stiffens beside him.

“Bun?” he asks slowly. “Do you know who’s playing Madison Square Garden tonight?”

Your eyes find the green carpet once again. Of course you knew who was playing tonight. Queen was beginning their two-night stay at the venue. Dawn wanted to get tickets, but you had argued that it was getting harder for you to go unrecognized in public. That, and the fact you had come to the realization you could only act like a complete fool around any of the band members. You weren’t keen on adding another entry to the list.

“It’s Queen!” Mr. Castellano calls from upstairs. “Starts at 8. You kids should get going if you’re gonna make it.”

“Queen’s playing?” Lawrence marvels. “How did we miss that?”

Rich rises, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe all the incessant practicing you’ve been holding us hostage for?” 

“She knew,” Eddie smirks, pointing at you with his thumb. You stick your tongue out at him.

“Why didn’t you say anything? I’ve never gotten the chance to see them live before!” Steve questions, already rocking back on his heels with excitement. He had become quite the Queen fan since your run-in with Freddie after sticking to him like glue that entire night.

You shrug, trying to act nonchalant, “I thought we had more important things to focus on.”

“No, that’s not it,” Eddie deduces, narrowing his eyes at you. “You’re just embarrassed that you went all jellied around Mr. Mercury the last time.”

“You’re the one who had to go and tell him all about me fawning over them on MTV!”

“Ooor, maybe it’s because the entirety of the UK saw you making eyes at their bassist on that game show,” Lawrence elaborates.

“There were no eyes being made at anyone,” you grit out defensively, knowing full well that their words were ringing true.

“I, for one, am happy you have a crush, Bun. You know it’s been a while since…” Rich trails off, leaving out the name of a dreaded ex none of you speak of.

You push yourself off your perch on the table with a huff. “You know what? We’ll go. Let’s go. That way, I can disprove all your wildly inaccurate assumptions,” you retort, wanting to get the heat off you fast.

Steven chuckles, “Oh no, she’s broken out her dictionary, folks. Looks like we’ve hit a nerve.” He pokes your side playfully.

“Shut up, please,” you tell them, making your way over to the stairs. “We have a train to catch.”

- - - - - - -

You’re late.

The muffled bass from the arena hits your ears as the Limbs dash up the steps leading from Penn Station to MSG. You all but sprint to catch up with the boy’s long gaits as they approach the box office window.

“Hiya, there’s supposed to be some tickets at will-call for us from the band,” Eddie explains to a woman behind the glass as he tries to catch his breath.

“Name?” 

“Uh… Lo & The Limbs?”

“Don’t have anything under that name. Could it be something else?”

“Can you try just The Limbs?” he guesses, turning back to the group with wide, panicked eyes.

“Nope, sorry,” she answers in a monotone.

“How about The Legs,” you offer up from your spot behind Rich’s tall figure. She just shakes her head.

“Well, fuck,” Lawrence sighs, slapping his palms against his legs, obviously ticked off from the 45-minute train ride you’d all barely caught because Steve had changed his shirt a minimum of three times before you could all head out.

“What about Bunny?” Steve asks with a giggle.

The woman raises her eyebrows before checking the list yet again.

“Ah, there you are. Bunny and friends,” she concludes with a sigh.

A chorus of chuckles erupts from the boys. You point your finger at Eddie.

“I’m coming for ya. Eds. You’re not gonna know where or when, but I’ll get you back for this one day,” you tell him playfully. 

“Oh yeah, and when you kill me, you can be free to go off and start your solo group, Bunny and Friends.”

She hands you all large laminate passes and gestures for you to follow a security guard. They deposit you in one of the skyboxes on the 10th floor. The Limbs tentatively enter, glancing around at the mishmash of people gathered. Extra crew, friends of the band, some execs, you guess to yourself. The boys immediately descend on the small bar set up in the back of the room.

“Here, I assume you need one of these,” Lawrence shoves a beer in your shaking hands. 

“You assume right, good sir.”

“How the hell did we lose Steve already?” Eddie gripes. Rich easily spots him over the tops of heads surrounding them, pointing to a tall figure pushing his way towards the front of the box that opens up into seating. You all follow, mummering polite excuse me’s and thank you’s as you try to keep up. You can hear Play The Game get louder as you approach the view. 

Steve rushes to the first row of seats, leaning over the railing of the balcony. “God, will you look at all these people?” he marvels, watching as the dancing lights illuminate the mass below him.

But you’re not looking at the crowd. Your gaze immediately finds the stage, where Freddie is situated behind a piano off to the left. His voice booms as if he were standing right next to you, and you’re positive that even without a mic, it would be heard by all 20,000 individuals. His eyes are closed as he slams hard on the piano, seemingly in his own world, yet the entire crowd is wholly entranced.

Brian then casually lopes to center for his solo. He smiles out at the crowd as his fingers dance across the frets gracefully while Eddie screams in appreciation throughout. He then jogs back to his mic, nearly missing his cue for his backing vocals, but his fingers never rest. Roger’s gravely falsetto catches your ear, and you train your eyes on the multitasking drummer. Even up behind his kit, his presence takes center stage while he keeps perfect time. The group ends the song in perfect synchronicity as the lights cut to black.

The chords for Somebody To Love start with a few majestic trills from Freddie’s voice, but your attention is once again grabbed away. Towards the back of the stage, still cast in darkness, you see John. He quickly shrugs off a fitted leather jacket to reveal an even tighter full cerulean blue ensemble before a roadie slips the strap of his bass over his head. He strolls into the light just as Freddie finishes his improv, lightly bouncing on the balls of his feet as they begin the song.

While he keeps his gaze mostly pointed to the ground, his body already thrums with anticipation. As it really gets going, you watch as he comes to life. You can’t help but hang onto his every movement; the unintentional jerks of his head, the light two-step of his feet as he shuffles along to his bass line's groove. He seems entirely at the will of the song and loving every minute of it. A pang of jealousy hits your chest as you wonder if you’d ever feel that free on stage.

Not much conversation passes between you and the boys as you watch on, more than a bit awestruck. You’re not sure how many songs pass, but fresh beers repeatedly appear in your hands every so often. The lights are dizzyingly bright as your eyes skip around the stage, trying to absorb as much as you can. You find they consistently flick back to John, sucking in every minutia of his performance. Your chest tightens like it did the day of Pop Quiz. Every time he had caught your eye, you remember having to push down the inescapable thoughts you were having. You would tell yourself you don’t know what it is about him, but you’d be lying. 

A voice jolts you out of your stupor. “You must be Fred’s young friends he met in New Haven.”

The group turns to find a small man situated in the row behind them wearing an impeccably tailored suit.

“Jim Beach, manager for the band,” he holds out a hand for each of you to shake. “Sorry for the last-minute invitation. Fred was simply beside himself when he remembered you’re all from New York. So glad you could make it.”

“This is incredible, thanks so much for having us,” Rich tells the man sincerely as his gaze keeps being drawn back to the stage.

“Glad you’re enjoying yourselves. We’ve always been big fans of playing here.”

“It’s quite the spectacle,” you muse. “I've never seen The Garden this decked out before. I mean, those lighting rigs alone must cost…” you trail off.

“Believe me, you don’t want to know,” Jim replies with a quirk of his lips. “If you’d all like to follow me downstairs, they’ll be finishing up soon, and I’m sure Fred would love to thank you for coming.”

Steve leaps from his plastic seat, “Yes, please!”

- - - - - - -

The green room is unlike any you’ve ever seen—rust-colored persian rugs litter the floor, the grey slate underneath barely peeking through. Tapestries and various paintings line the walls, somehow giving the usually sterile space a homey feel. Multiple buffet tables filled with every accoutrement imaginable are tucked away in a back corner.

The room is scarce of people for the most part. Crew members filter in and out, grabbing waters, some puffing on cigarettes as they wipe down their sweaty foreheads. A select few have migrated down from the skybox as well.

Lawrence plops down on one of the many leather couches, taking in the room. “So this is what it’s like when you make it?”

“Seems a little excessive even for a band of their stature,” murmurs Rich as if reading your mind.

The deafening roar of the crowd is heard from above, and Queen closes out their encore. The crew members who are now needed for the post set break-down hurry from the room as it gets quiet. You all sit there in near silence for a few moments until a light cheer erupts as Freddie, Brian, and Roger all enter the room, swaddled in thick robes and towels around their necks. They're breathing heavy, still radiating the energy from their set, knowing full well that it was a fantastic show.

“Thank you, darling,” Freddie says as someone hands him a bottle of cold water, glancing around at the people who are still giving the band a wide berth. He spots the group of you huddled out of the way. “Oh!” he exclaims with a clap of his hands, making his way over, “You made it!”

He kisses you all on the cheeks, leaving a ghost of sweat on your faces. “My gangly young saplings! It’s lovely to see you.” He locks eyes with you, a wicked grin on his face. “And you most of all, my little cottontail.”

“You were fantastic Freddie, thank you so much for thinking of us, really,” you tell him genuinely.

“And who have we got here?” a towering Brian May appears behind Freddie.

“Oh yes, may I present to you, Lo & The Limbs!” Freddie says, spreading his arms wide. So he does remember the name; you laugh to yourself.

Eddie pushes further into the group to immediately extend his hand. “You slayed tonight, man. I mean, really slayed.”

Brian returns the shake with a surprised laugh. “Why, thank you. I’ve heard your album, and I have to say, you all… slay as well.”

“Oy, you!” A disheveled looking Roger Taylor makes his way over to the group, people parting like the red sea before him. He marches straight up to you, his finger inches from your nose. “I lost quite a lot of quid, thanks to you.”

You shrink back a bit. “I’m sorry?”

“It would be like John to bring in a ringer at the last second. And after we’d already threw down our bets.” You glance at Freddie with a confused look still on your face.

“What a lovely way to welcome our new friends,” Brian throws an arm over Roger’s shoulder before turning to you. “We may have made a slight wager on John’s most recent Pop Quiz appearance.”

“Slight?” Freddie smirks. “My new Gucci loafers would disagree, darling.”

Roger lets out an incoherent grumble. “Well, he usually fucks it up, doesn’t he? That is until you snuck in there.”

“I’m… sorry?” you offer, failing to find a witty remark for the situation.

He heaves a dramatic sigh, “I guess you’ll just have to make it up to me. I’ve been looking for someone to help me bury the bodies, or do my taxes, or be on call if I perhaps fancied a shag in the middle of the night?” he raises his brows in an overtly teasing manner.

You let out a sharp snort. “Fancy a shag? God, that sounds so much better than “ya wanna go fuck?”

Roger chuckles heartily, “Alright, alright. It was touch and go there for a bit, but I’ve come ‘round. I like this one. She can stay.”

“Y’know, we made a bet of sorts as well,” Lawrence reveals with a mischievous grin. The men all look to him, intrigued. “How long Y/N could keep her cool around that bassist of yours. She failed miserably, and now we shall reap the benefits by teasing her mercilessly until the end of time.”

You swear your mouth couldn’t have dropped open faster. Really need to work on that poker face, you tell yourself.

“Someone was trying to be cool around Deacy? Are you sure you’ve met the man?” Brian laughs.

Staring blankly around, all you know is you need to get out of this situation fast. “I need to pee,” you announce loudly. Really, Y/N? “Excuse me.”

Quickly ducking out of the room before anyone can say anything, you lean your back up against the wall in the hallway as you collect your swimming thoughts. What was it about this band that made you get all dumbstruck? Truth be told, you weren’t usually a timid person. Sure, everyone had bouts of social anxiety now and again, but you navigated social interactions seamlessly for the most part. It had always been easy for you to make friends or crack a quick comeback at a joke. Teasing was a form of endearment where you came from. But ever since you’d entered this new world, it was as if you were a stranger in your body. Who happened to be almost mute apparently. You push yourself off the wall to find a bathroom, your mind still fully occupied by your inner ramblings.

“Points!” a roadie shouts at you, trying to get your attention as they push a cart of cumbersome looking sound equipment right into your path. Before you have time to react, two hands grip your waist and pull you back to your previous position against the wall. 

Once again, you are face to face with a familiar chest. You watch as a light chuckle rumbles through it.

“I know it’s cheesy to say, but we have to stop meeting like this. Or do you make it a point to always bumble about in narrow hallways?” John pulls his hands back to his side as you meet his attractive colored eyes, amusement flickering in them. 

“John. Hi,” is all you manage.

“Good to see you again, Y/N. Freddie mentioned you all might be stopping by. Glad you could make it.”

You try and will your new persona not to take hold, but all you can do is smile meekly at him. He regards you patiently, cocking his head to the side slightly.

“Did you enjoy the show?”

“Yes, very much,” you rush out quickly. “I’ve never seen anything quite like that before. The Garden’s not an easy place to play.”

“Thank you. You’re kind," he smiles bashfully. "The crowds in New York are some of my favorites. I wish we got the chance to spend more time here, but it seems we’re always passing through.”

“Am I interrupting?” Freddie asks with raised eyebrows from the doorway, a grin on his face.

John makes his way over to him. “Not at all. Just heroically saving Y/N from a near-death run-in with Ratty.”

“Sounds about right,” Freddie muses. “Now, if we’re all safe and sound, I’d like to get out of here. I’m positively starving.”

“Where to?” John asks.

“I want to go someplace real New Yorkers go,” he looks to you expectantly.

“Bun-bun?” you hear from inside before Steve pokes his head around Fred.

“Is your grandpa working tonight?”

- - - - - - -

Even John knew of Elaine’s. He’d hadn’t heard about it because the notable food, but rather the wide variety of clientele it boasted. Writers, directors, actors, and musicians alike frequently filled the establishment for the ambiance and lively conversation. Freddie would love it.

The large group enters through the wood door under a large awning, immediately hit by a wall of sound. The small place is packed to the brim. Raucous laughter can be heard from most tables as the patrons sardine together, shouting over one another. It had a certain charm, he guessed, taking in the decor of signed book covers and hand-painted murals.

“Bambina!” A small italian-looking maitre d' steps from behind the counter and spreads his arms wide as he engulfs Y/N into a hug. “You didn’t tell me you were stopping by tonight.”

“Sorry, Papa. It was last minute. Just in time for the 10:30 rush by the looks of it.”

An infectiously warm smile spreads across his face. “Do you see me complaining? You hardly visit anymore now that you’re running around the world with that guitar. I’m so proud of you,” he adds softly, kissing her forehead. “Look at these boys!” he greets the rest of The Limbs like family, clapping each man on the back with love. “Am I shrinking already, or are all you still growing?”

“Probably a little of both, Dom,” Eddie laughs with the old man.

“And there’s even more, I see,” he inquires, finally noticing Queen.

It was unusual for them not to be the center of attention in any given situation, all of them hanging back except for Freddie, who marches right up to the man and places a kiss on his cheek.

“Freddie Mercury, a dear friend of your Y/N. It’s a pleasure.”

He looks to Y/N suspiciously. “Are they musicians? You know what happened that one time. I had to pry Elaine off of beating that tiny Mickey guy. I’m telling ya, it was ugly.”

“Not Mickey- Mick, Papa. How many times do I have to tell you?” Y/N shushes him, looking a bit embarrassed.

Dom waves his hand at her, “Whoever he is, that kid owes me his life. I expect these ones to behave.”

Roger snorts from the back, “Not very likely.”

“We promise,” Freddie swears. “And might I say, I love the suit. Very dashing,” he adds on for good measure.

“Well, how else do you think I got this job?” Dom smiles at him with a wink. “C’mon,” he gestures for all to follow as he leads them through the narrow restaurant, to a long table in the back. “Enjoy, boys,” he tells them as he heads back to his post up front, kissing Y/N on the cheek before leaving.

“Come sit next to me, my love,” Freddie calls to Y/N, patting the seat beside him. “If any of your other family members are as outrageous as that man, I want to hear all about them.”

The group moves to squish in around the table. Roger silently catches John’s eye and motions to the seat next to Y/N. He quirks his brows at him, confused, but makes his way to sit between them.

Eddie has taken his rightful place next to Brian with Rich in tow, the three already in deep conversation about the current music scene. Lawrence and Roger sit opposite each other, tearing into the bread basket and chatting about the show. Next to Freddie, Steve is eagerly hanging onto every word he says as he chats to Y/N about her upbringing.

“I’m just hoping one day we get to do something like that, man. Our show on Sunday should be a pretty big deal, though,” Lawrence tells Roger.

“Where are you playing? CBGB? The Palladium?” 

“Nah, we’re playing out on the island. Jones Beach.”

“Huh, Long Island. We’ve never been to Long Island before,” Roger ponders, intrigued. “What’s there to do on Long Island?”

“Well, do you like bowling? Strip malls?” Lawrence pauses for effect. “Bowling at strip malls?”

John lightly chuckles. An arm brushes his shoulder, and he moves back slightly as a large woman weaves her hands around Y/N’s shoulders.

“My little Y/N has come back to us! And surrounded by even more devilishly handsome men than usual.”

Y/N turns around in her seat to give the woman a proper hug. “Elaine! It’s been too long.”

“Let me get a good look at you,” she gestures for Y/N to spin as she regards her. “If you need help beating em’ off of ya, I have my bat behind the counter.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, teasingly, “Don’t I know it. I have a vivid childhood memory of you chasing Ron Galella around the dining room with that thing.”

She lets out a larger than life laugh at the memory, patting the young girl on the back. “Oh, those were the good years. So, aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friends?”

“Elaine! I’m hurt you don’t remember our beautiful time together,” Eddie teases her from the table's end.

“Shut it, Eddie,” she reprimands him with a point of her stubby finger.

Y/N turns to the group, spreading her arms wide. “Guys, this is Elaine Kaufman, of Eliane’s, obviously. Elaine, this is Queen.”

She attempts a half-hearted curtsey. “Your majesties. Welcome.”

Before long, Elaine has pulled up a chair as she cracks dirty jokes back and forth with Freddie, which has the rest of the group (and some nearby diners) howling in laughter. Y/N’s now-familiar cackle sends tingles through John’s body once again. She’s more relaxed than he’s previously seen her be. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail, showcasing her broad smile as she looks on fondly, hands waving about whenever she joins in the conversation. Her face is mostly free of makeup and he catches the hint of a dimple on one of her cheeks as she glances over at him to share in a joke.

Freddie gasps as he catches someone entering the front door. “Is that Shirley MacLaine? Slap my ass and call me Sally, that woman does not age.”

“Come with me,” Elaine says, rising from her chair. “I think she’ll like you.”

Food appears without any of them having to order, along with bottles of wine Elaine insisted they’d love. John tentatively takes a bite of one of the dishes set before him.

“Oh god,” he blurts out upon tasting.

Y/N snickers beside him. “Bad, right? I recommend the tortellini if you want something remotely edible.” She pushes a plate towards him, snagging some for herself.

He gulps down water, trying to rid himself of the bland taste. “I would ask why this place is packed, but it seems I’ve already met her.”

“And you would be right. She’s a riot, but I fully blame her for my vulgar vocabulary,” she reveals, taking a giant bite of pasta.

“You and Freddie seem to have that in common.”

Y/N chews slowly as she muses over that sentiment. “That seems to be the only thing we have in common,” she says softly. He cocks his head at her in question.

“It’s just,” she starts, a somber look replacing her previously buoyant one. “Watching him on stage tonight. All of you actually. You seem so free, so comfortable up there. And Freddie is just magnetic, you know that. It’s as if he makes the crowd fall in love with him again and again with every song. I could never do that…”

“I find that quite hard to believe,” he mumbles, continuing on quickly. “Freddie’s a performer. Everything he does up there is for that crowd. Whereas I’m just a musician, I think. It probably helps that I don’t sing. It'll just take some time to find your footing. You don’t have to be both. You don't have to be either for that matter.”

She scoffs lightly, pushing the food around on her plate. “Don’t I? Ever since this all began, I feel like I’m some paper doll or something. People just dress me up and mold me into what they want. And I go right along with it because I don’t even recognize this version of myself if I’m being honest. So I just keep that mask on until I get back home and I can finally breathe. Because then, at least I don’t have to stare at a stranger in the mirror anymore.” 

She breaks out of the daze she fell into while rambling. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t unload on you like this,” she catches herself. “I guess I just had a very different assumption of what my life would look like... I think I'm afraid of losing who I am in all this."

John takes her in, catching glimpses of his former self in her cracks. He itches to soothe her distress. “I can understand,” he tells her sympathetically. “Hell, I thought I was joining a band to play with on the side at uni and look at us now. Sometimes I still feel like I’m leading a double life. I tried to convince myself all this was just a job at first, but I’m sure you’re finding out quickly that’s not always true.”

Y/N looks at him intently, and it’s the first time he truly sees the depth of her eyes. He clears his throat before continuing.

“I've come to learn that the concept of home is a funny thing. For a long time, I held onto the idea of it that I always had for myself, but it’s harder than it looks with what we do,” he sighs, running a hand through his short curls, not wanting to dwell too long on his unpleasent situation back in England. 

“But home can be anything really. It can be people,” he says, glancing at his bandmates. “Or even the stage, which sometimes I think is Freddie’s. Or you can be Roger, and make yourself at home wherever you go.”

They glance over at Rog, who is in the middle of an animated story, waving his glass of wine around as it drips on the tablecloth.

“So all you can do is find whatever that home is and hold onto it the best you can. And it might change, but that doesn't mean you have to," he nudges her shoulder with his.

Y/N smiles down at her lap. “Thank you,” she tells him quietly, still swimming in her own thoughts.

“Of course,” he assures, pausing to breathe- not used to giving long-winded explanations. Nervous that he’s pushed too far, he glances over, catching as her shoulders relax.

The restaurant was mostly cleared out by now, save for a few regulars sitting at the tall wood bar. The staff chats casually amongst themselves as they clean off empty tables for the night. Steve is giving Freddie details of the New York club scene, probably hoping to earn himself an invitation one day. Elaine’s regaling Brian, Eddie, and Rich with a story about two writers and a feud of accused plagiarism. Lawrence and Roger were currently attempting to turn their napkins into amusing hats for each other. John finds himself enjoying the young band's presence, their chaotic energy seeming to match Queen’s dynamic quite well.

The group collectively jumps as the music drastically raises in volume, the intro of Ray Charles’ ‘Hallelujah, I Love Her So’ pouring out.

“Oh god, no,” Y/N groans next to him as the waiters all turn their attention to her. Dom appears beside her with an outstretched hand. “Papa, not now, please.”

“Indulge your grandfather, Y/N,” he winks at her as she reluctantly takes his hand, pulling her to the middle of the room. John’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise as the old man springs to life, twirling his granddaughter around the room with ease. The pure spryness of someone that age was genuinely shocking.

“Oh, this is fabulous!” Freddie laughs as he leans his chin forward on his hands.

And it was. The staff cheers, hinting that this was a familiar routine for them. The rest of The Limbs sing along with the track, watching the two affectionately like old family.

Y/N’s apprehensive look fades away as she gives in to the fun, pure joy flashing across her features as she glides along, following her grandfather in the swing dance rather gracefully. She looks free, John thinks to himself, drinking in the true version of the young woman. She was dazzling as her hair fell messily from her ponytail and her laugh was louder than ever as Dom dips her low to the floor, her body bending with him. If this was home, he could see why she was reluctant to leave it behind.

He’s mesmerized by her every movement. She was still an enigma to him, each detail he pulled from her, just making him hungry for more. 

You shouldn’t. You’re still married. Well, technically. Papers aren’t signed yet.

“Alright, I’m convinced,” Roger shouts at Lawrence. “Looks like we'll have to stop in Long Island.”

- - - - - - -

“Fuck, it’s cold,” Brian announces, burrowing further into his white windbreaker.

The Jones Beach Theater was tucked right up to the shoreline, causing the spray of the Atlantic to chill the air despite the summer heat. John had never seen a venue like it. It’s as if the vast sea acted as an extended backdrop to the stage, reflecting the stars and inky drape of the night.

The crowd didn’t seem to mind at all. They had been brilliant the entire night, singing along to every one of the songs and dancing in full force. It was perfectly clear how proud they were of their hometown heroes.

The Limbs themselves were a sight to behold from the wings of the stage. The energy from the packed seats had bled over, and all 5 members were indeed feeling it. They had been in perfect sync with each other the entire show, and John was certainly amused by their own way of interacting with their audience. It mostly consisted of them hurling humorous insults back and forth to each other in between songs.

Even Y/N seemed to be enjoying herself, despite her confession the other night. She had taken Freddie’s note that he’d given after seeing her dance and was now stepping out from behind the mic stand for her songs. She slinked around the stage effortlessly, interacting with the other members and the crowd, much to their glee.

“Before we say goodnight to you all, we’d like to leave you with a little something,” Rich calls out over the deafening cheers. “A lullaby of sorts from one of our favorites.”

Y/N drags a stool out to the center of the stage as Lawrence begins a somber melody on the keyboard. The audiences erupts in cheers and John recognizes it as a Billy Joel song.

She takes a seat behind the mic as she gazes out over the crowd. The exhilarated face she had been sporting all night was gone, a shade of melancholy in its place now.

Goodnight, my angel, time to close your eyes

And save these questions for another day

I think I know what you’ve been asking me

I think you know what I’ve been trying to say

Her hypnotic voice pierces through the now-silent crowd. The type of voice you immediately feel in your chest, as if it’s personally strumming your heartstrings. No one dares to sing along, afraid they'll miss a moment of her inflection.

I promised I would never leave you

Then you should always know

Wherever you may go, no matter where you are

I never will be far away

The familiar sight of lighters being illuminated flickers through the sea of people before them, casting a hazy glow on the previously faceless patrons. Their peaceful stares fixed on Y/N, entranced as if she was siren of sorts.

Goodnight my angel, now it’s time to dream

And dream how wonderful your life will be

Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby

Then in your heart, there will always be a part of me

Her voice breaks a bit, giving away the glassiness of her eyes. They’re not fixed on the crowd, but instead on the sky beyond them. John watches the panes of her face intently. She wasn’t singing to them, he realizes. This was to herself. Possibly to that image in her mind, she had confided in him, the one she was struggling to leave behind—her piece of home.

Someday we’ll all be gone

But lullabies go on and on

“She’s going to be something else, isn’t she?” Freddie asks, mostly to himself.

They never die

That’s how you and I will be

John watches as a single tear slips off the slope of her nose as she finishes, bowing her head.

“Yeah, I think she is.”

[erintheamericanlondoner]

Out of the Spotlight

Today, I am posting another story. This ones a sequel to my story In the Spotlight. Blake and Noah take over as the performers for the rest of Brenna’s tour, so they go all over Europe. After Brenna reads an interview with Blake and Noah in a magazine, she gets concerned that fame is going to Blake’s head. 

Chapter  1

We went to London to do some recording after Paris, but after that we went back to New York for the Holidays. Blake and Noah had been signed to my label. Blake and I were at what was now our loft. He had Christmas music playing. We were drinking wine. “I can’t wait for the Christmas party.” Blake said. Our record label was having a Christmas party. “Me too, I can’t wait to spend our first Christmas together.” I said. He leaned in closer to me. His dark eyes looking back into mine. His lips lingering before he kisses me. My phone buzzed interrupting the moment. “It’s just Joan reminding me about my photo shoot tomorrow.” I said. Joan had booked me a photoshoot in Times Square. After, Blake was going to take me to the Tenth Bar where he and Noah previously worked. Buttercup and Peanut were sleeping next to each other next to the record player. I was also going to meet The new keyboardist for the backup band. “Why don’t we end the night like we always do.” he said, taking my hand. We started dancing. Noah still thinks we are bad dancers. The next day, when I woke up I put my earbuds in and played Starman by David Bowie as I started getting ready. Blake was still asleep. For makeup, I didn’t need to wear any, since I’ll be getting my makeup done at the photo shoot. All I needed to do for my skin was to wash my face. The makeup artist will handle everything else. I put my hair up in a messy bun. I wore a nice outfit, since I was going to the bar afterward. “G’morning.” Blake said as I walked into the kitchen. “You’re up.” I said. “Yup, want a pancake?” he asked. “Sure.” I said. I sat at the bar and ate breakfast with Blake. “Okay, I have to go now.” I said. “You can’t stay for another?” asked Blake jokingly. “If I do, I’ll be late.” I said, kissing him. My hand was touching his curly brown locks. “Okay, but you know I’ll miss you.” he said, jokingly. I walked to the elevator. “I already miss you.” I said in a fake sweet voice. Blake laughed. “Bye.” I said as I got on the elevator. I got outside the building and Gary was there waiting for me. “Hey Gary.” I said hugging him. “Good to see you again.” he said. “It’s good to see you too.” I said. I put my earbuds on again as I got in the car. I put the song You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall and Oates on. I smiled as I thought about Blake. He makes my dreams come true. We arrived in Times Square quickly. I got into hair and makeup. Joan was there. Gary walked in and accidentally bumped into Joan. “Oh, Sorry Joan didn’t see you there.” Gary said. “Oh, it’s okay Gary.” she said. I could feel that it was something more than just an accidental bump, it was their meet cute. A meet cute, is the part of the story or film where the couple meets for the first time. The shoot was for a magazine. I had already done the interview. “Great Brenna.” the photographer said as I posed in Marilyn Monroe- like white dress. The shoot took a few hours. I changed into my nice outfit I had on earlier.“Before you leave, let me introduce you to Crystal, the backup band’s backup band’s new keyboardist.” Joan said. Crystal had dark skin, a half shaved head, and dark eyes. The half that wasn’t shaved was dyed blue and braided. “Hey Crystal, I’m Brenna.” I said. “Hey, nice to meet you.” she said. Blake met me at Times Square. “Blake, this is Crystal, the new keyboardist.” I said. “Nice to meet you, Crystal.” said Blake as she shook her hand. Crystal smiled. “Ready?” he asked me. “Yep.” I said as he took my hand. We walked over to the Tenth Bar. Noah was already there. “Hey.” he said. “Hey man.” said Blake as he fist bumped Noah. “Hey.” I said. The bar was nicer than I imagined. It was actually pretty high class. The stage where the band performed was huge. My eyes were caught on a face across the room. A guy with short dark red hair up in a quiff, pale skin and blue eyes. I walked over to him. “Harrison Ackridge, is that you? I said. He turned to me and took a second to recognize me. “Oh my gosh, Brenna Young. I haven’t seen you since freshman year in high school in Florida.” he said. Before I moved to California, I lived in Tampa, Florida. Harrison was my best friend. We had been since we were 4. We were inseparable, that is until I moved to Los Angeles. We hugged. “How are you doing? How did you get to New York?” I asked. “I’m doing great! I actually work for Vogue.” Harrison said. “That’s awesome. I assume you know what I’ve been up to.” I said. “Of course, I’m your biggest fan. I’m sorry about your parents.” he said. He looked toward Blake and Noah who were watching us. “Oh my gosh, is that Blake Edwards?” asked Harrison. Since Blake signed to my record and started putting videos on YouTube, his fame has skyrocketed. “Yep.” I said. “You are so lucky that he is your boyfriend. I mean he’s gorgeous.” Harrison said. “I know right.” I said. “Here let me give you my phone number.” said Harrison. “How’s your love life?” I asked as we traded phone numbers. “Not great, I seem to attract crazy guys.” said Harrison. Harrison came out to me before I left Florida. Blake and Noah had walked over. “So are you going to introduce me?” Blake said, putting his arm around me. I laughed. “Blake, this is Harrison, we were best friends before I moved to California.” I said. “Nice to meet you.” said Blake. “You guys seemed to have rekindled the friendship.” said Noah. I smiled. “I’m glad I found another friend besides these goobers.” I said. “I thought we were more than friends.” Blake said, jokingly as he kissed my cheek. “Of course we are.” I said returning the kiss. “Me too.” Harrison said as he hugged me. “I have missed you so much.” he said when Blake and Noah were out of earshot. “Let’s perform again for old time sake.” Blake said to Noah. “Yeah.” Noah said, already heading towards the stage. They went on the stage, while I stayed and sat with Harrison. They performed Just Like Heaven by The Cure. After they finished performing Blake walked to me. “Brenna, you should perform.” he said. “No.” I said. “I want to see you perform.” said Harrison. Blake went on stage. “Ok, who would like to see my friend Brenna Young perform?” he said to the audience. The audience cheered.   Then after Blake, they started chanting my name. Noah banged his symbol with the beat of the chant. “Ok, fine.” I said walking on stage. “What do you want me to perform?” I asked. “How about Blondie’s One way or Another?” asked Blake. “Sure.” I said. As I started singing Blake smiled at me. I hadn’t had that much fun on stage in a while. When I walked off stage Harrison ran up to me. “That was great.” he said, excitedly. After a few drinks and songs later, Blake and I went back to our loft. We were a little drunk. Okay, we were very drunk. We were very giggly. We were at the point where you’re so drunk that everything is hilarious. When we got back to our loft, Blake put on Cradle of Love by Billy Idol. He walked to me and put his hands on my waist and kissed my neck. He started unbuttoning my shirt. I pulled his shirt off. We took our pants off and kissed each other again and again. Before we knew it, we were naked on the couch having sex. “Let’s move this to the bedroom.” Blake said. He grabbed my hand and led me to our bedroom. I don’t remember anything after that. 

Chapter 2 

The next day, Blake and I both woke up with horrible hangovers. I spend most of the morning with my head in the toilet. I walked back into the kitchen. “Here, you’ll want some water.” Blake said. “Thanks.” I said. We spent the day in our loft. We put the Christmas tree up as well as other decorations. Later that night, Noah came over. “I’m surprised you guys aren’t more hungover.” Noah said. “You should have seen us earlier.” Blake said, turning the fireplace on. My phone rang. I looked at it. It was Crystal. “Hey.” I said. “Oh no, yes, you can stay at Blake and I’s loft.”  I said. “Okay, see ya.” I said. “Crystal’s flight back to L.A was cancelled because of the snow. I told her she could stay here, is that okay?” I said. “Of course.” Blake said. “Who’s Crystal?” asked Noah. “Crystal is the new keyboardist for the backup band.” I said. I heard the buzz of the doorbell. “Can I come up?” Crystal asked. “Yep, I’ll buzz you in.” I said. I pressed the button to let the elevator know she can come up. The elevator opened and she walked in with her bags. “Hey.” she said, hugging me. ‘Hi.” I said. “You remember Blake and this is Noah.” I said. “Hey.” said Blake. Noah was speechless. “We don't have an extra bed, but you're welcome to sleep on the couch.” Blake said. “Trust me, it’s a really comfy couch.” I said. “I’ll take your word for it. Thanks, by the way.” she said. “No problem.” Blake and I said at the same time. “Jinx.” I said. Then, Blake kissed me. “There’s one thing we like to do before bed to end the night on a good note.” Blake said. “Please don’t dance.” Noah said. Blake went over to the record player and put on We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel. Blake and I started dancing. “Are you going to join us?” I asked Crystal. “Hell Yeah.” Crystal said. Noah started leaving. “Come on, join in the fun.” Crystal said. For once, Noah danced with us. “I think someone is developing a crush.” said Blake when Noah was out earshot. I laughed. Noah decided to stay night at our loft. He slept on the couch with Crystal. The next morning, Blake made pancakes. “These are delicious, Blake.” said Crystal. “Thanks.” said Blake. “Pancakes are about the only thing he can make.” I said. “Hey.” said Blake in mock offense. Crystal and Noah laughed. After breakfast, Blake and I took a walk in Central Park. Central Park looks pretty in the snow. At lunch we had a meeting with Joan to talk about the next half of the tour next year. So after our walk, we went to meet Joan at her office. Gary was waiting for us outside the building of our loft. “Ready?” he asked. “Yep.” I said. Blake nodded. In the limo, Blake played Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede and we sang along all the way to the office. Noah was already there when we got there. “Hey.” Noah said. “So, tell me, what’s this crush you have on Crystal?” I asked. “What? I don’t have a crush on Crystal.” he said, not doing a good job hiding his feelings. “Dude it’s obvious you like her.” Blake said. We walked into Joan’s office. “Hey Joan.” said Gary, awkwardly. “Oh, hello Gary.” said Joan, blushing. “Looks like someone else also has a crush.” I said, looking at Gary and Joan. Blake laughed. “Okay, so what are we going to do about the next half of the tour?” asked Joan. “I was thinking maybe Blake and Noah could take over my tour, They could perform some of their cover songs.” I said. “I’m up for it.” Blake said. “Me too.” said Noah. “Okay, I guess that 

Chapter 3

 A few weeks later, it was time for the company Christmas party. Which was a big deal, there many stars and big record producers there. Crystal’s flight was going to be a while, so she just decided to spend the holidays in NYC. Noah let her stay at his place, so she wouldn’t have to sleep on a couch anymore. Blake and I were waiting for Hair, Makeup, and Wardrobe to come and help us get ready for the Christmas party. They finally came. “Your hair is amazing.” Blake’s hair stylist, Ashley, said. “Hey, don’t flirt with my boyfriend.” I said in mock offense. “Sorry, you're so lucky you get to be with him.” she said. Blake laughed. I wore a long, white sleeveless dress with a silver wrap. I had a nude brown, sparkly eyeshadow on with a pinkish-nude lipstick. I wore my dark hair straight. Blake wore a black tuxedo with a black bowtie. “Wow.” Blake said. “Wow yourself.” I said. “M’lady.” Blake said with his arm out. I took his arm and we left the loft. Gary was waiting by a stretch limo outside the building. He wore a suit. “Looking good Gary.” I said. “Thanks, you two look great.” he said. “Thanks.” Blake and I said. “Jinx.” Blake said. I laughed and kissed his cheek. Gary opened the limo door when we got to the party. We got out and saw cameras flashing everywhere. There was a lot of screaming. We walked the red carpet and let the paparazzi take photos of us. Noah and Crystal were ahead of us. Crystal looked amazing in her red sleeveless dress with a black wrap. Noah looked great in his tuxedo identical to Blake’s. We even got a picture of all of us. Joan was already in there when got in the building. Her red hair which was normally up was down and she wasn’t wearing her glasses which made her eyes pop. She wore a light blue long sleeved dress. She looked amazing. “Joan, you look amazing.” I said. “Thanks.” she said. Gary came in and his jaw practically dropped when he saw Joan. Blake, Noah, Crystal, and I went around and talked to different producers. Joan had said to do that. After the Christmas Party, Blake and I went back to the loft and watched It’s a Wonderful Life. We ended up falling asleep on the couch. The next day, I met up with Harrison to catch up with him. We met at a cute cafe. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that’s how you and Blake met.” Harrison said, as he sipped his coffee. “I know.”  I said. We went back to Harrison’s apartment. His apartment was small, but it was adorable. It was one bedroom and one bathroom. His apartment building was right next to mine and Blake’s. “I’m so glad we found eachother again.” Harrison said. “Me too.” I said. I told him everything that happened with me and Blake over the last few weeks. “Wow, I can’t believe you  almost died.” Harrison said. “I know.” I said. I continued telling him about Blake. “You said his dad died of cancer, what about his mom?” asked Harrison. “He said his mom became depressed after his dad died. She also started hallucinating stuff. Blake just couldn’t help her, so he checked her into a mental hospital.” I said. “He still sees her pretty often, although with his career just getting started he may not see her as often as he’s like.” I said. “So what’s happening when tour continues?” asked Harrison. “Blake and Noah are going to take my place, but I will still be doing my meet and greets.” I said 

Chapter 4 

We celebrated Christmas with Crystal, Noah, and Harrison at our loft. We sat on the couch and exchanged gifts. “Harrison, I love this shirt.” I said. “I knew you would, these aren’t even in stores yet, but I got special access thanks to my friends at Vogue.” he said. I hugged him. I handed Harrison a gift. “Sorry mine is not as good as yours. You are hard to shop for and it was last minute.” I said. “It’s fine, darling.” he said. “Oh my gosh, I thought you would have forgotten my handbag obsession.” He said. I laughed. “How could I forget.” I said. He looked at the brand of the bag. “Ooh Prada.” Harrison said. “You’re not the only one with friends in high places.” I said. We all laughed. “It’s my turn.” Blake said, handing me a gift. I opened it to find a beautiful silver heart locket with a ruby in the middle. It also had “Blake and Brenna” inscribed on it. “It’s beautiful.” I said, looking at the necklace in awe. Blake kissed my head. “Merry Christmas.” he said. He helped me put the necklace on. I got Blake a vinyl record that he had been wanting. After we finished opening presents, Blake got up and put on some music. I stood by the floor to ceiling windows and watched the snow fall. Blake stood next to me. He wrapped his arms around me. “Merry Christmas.” I said. “Merry Christmas.” He said. Noah jumped on the couch behind us and held up mistletoe. “MISTLETOE.” he said, dangling it between Blake and I. We looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and kissed. Everyone else laughed. Then we watched as New Your City got covered in a blanket of snow. We didn't do much between Christmas and New Years. On New Years Eve we went to Times Square, except we weren’t in the large crowds, we were in a V.I.P area. We were not performing, but we were talking with important people. People who can help make our music known. We also talked with reporters. We went back to our spot as we prepared to watch the count down. “10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!” we said. Blake and I kissed. Noah and Crystal looked like they wanted to kiss, but they didn’t. “We don’t need to kiss do we?” Noah asked. “Not unless you want to.” asked Crystal. “I mean if you want to.” said Noah. “It’s fine, we don’t have to.” Crystal said. They both blushed and turned away.  The next day, Crystal flew back to L.A. She was going to meet us at the next tour stop: Berlin, Germany. We were leaving for Berlin in a few days. We were hanging out at our loft with Noah. He looked blue. “I think Noah misses Crystal.” I whispered to Blake. “Cheer up, dude, you’ll see Crystal in a few days.” Blake said. “What makes you think I miss Crystal?” he said. I rolled my eyes. Blake sighed. “Dude, your crush on Crystal is so obvious.” Blake said. Noah's shoulders slumped. “Ok, Ok, I like Crystal.” he said. “Tell her how you feel.” said Blake. “Well, do you think she likes me?” asked Noah. “Well, you did both want to kiss on New Year’s.” I said. “Yeah, but that was New Year’s, does she really like me?” Noah asked. “The way to find out is to ask her out.” I said. Blake nodded. “Fine, I will ask her out in Berlin.” said Noah. The next day, Blake and I went to New Jersey to see Blake’s mother. This was the first time I was going to meet her. We arrived at the hospital and went to the front desk. A young girl in nurse’s scrubs with brown hair and brown eyes greeted us. “Hey Blake, here to see your mom?” she asked. “Yes, Kaitlyn. Sorry it’s been a while, my music career is finally taking off and I leave for Berlin tomorrow and I wanted to see mom again before I left.” Blake said. “I get it. Hey Anna, can you check if Madge is in her room?” said Kaitlyn. “Madge? I thought your mom’s name is Margaret.” I said to Blake. “It is, but she goes by Madge.” Blake said. I nodded. “Madge is in her room, you can go in.” said Kaitlyn. “Thanks, Kaitlyn.” said Blake. We walked to Blake’s Mother’s room. “Hey mom.” Blake said, opening the door. “Blake, it’s good to see you again.” she said, hugging him. “Mom, this is my girlfriend, Brenna. Brenna, this is my mom.” Blake said. “It’s nice to meet you.” I said. “I’m sorry about your husband.” I said. “Don’t be. I see him everyday.” she said. I looked at Blake. “She hallucinates him.” Blake whispered to me. Blake and I sat down on the chairs by the desk in Blake’s mom’s room. “So I leave for Berlin tomorrow for tour.” Blake said. “I’m so proud.” his mom said. “Thanks-” Blake said. “Sing for me.” his mom said. “Okay, Brenna, sing with me?” Blake asked. I nodded. I sang backup vocals for him as he sang George Harrison’s Dark Sweet Lady. Blake’s mother closed her eyes and immersed herself in the music. “Thank you.” she said as she held Blake’s hand. “I love you, mom.” Blake said. “I love you too.” she said. “I have to go, we have an early flight tomorrow.” Blake said. He looked at her concerned. “I’ll be fine.” his mother said. “Ok, I’ll see you in a  few months.” said Blake, hugging her. “Why Dark Sweet Lady, of all songs? I mean, not that it’s a bad song.” I said after we left the institute. “Dad sang that to her when they were dating. He even sang it at their wedding.” he said. 

Chapter 5 

The next day, we woke up at 5:00 am to get to the airport at 6:00 am and get on our flight which takes off at 8:00 am. We met up with Noah at the John F. Kennedy Airport. “So are you going to tell Crystal how you feel when you see her?” asked Blake, as he took a sip of his coffee. We stopped by the Starbucks in the airport. “Yes.” Noah said, also sipping his coffee. I wore one of Blake’s sweatshirts over a vintage ACDC t-shirt with a pair of black leggings. My hair was up in a messy bun and I didn’t have a stitch of make-up on. Blake also wore a sweatshirt over a Knicks t-shirt with jeans and a beanie. Noah wore a white t-shirt with black jeans. “How do I tell Crystal that I like her?” asked Noah. “It’s not hard, just say “I like you, do you wanna hang out sometime?”” said Blake. A girl in a red sweater with short brown hair and brown eyes came up to us. She looked about 16. “Oh my gosh, your Brenna Young and you’re Blake Edwards and Noah Pently! I love your music. Can I get a picture with you?” she asked. “Sure. What’s your name?” asked Blake as stood up. “My name is Hannah.” the girl said, grabbing her phone. Hannah handed Blake her phone and we stood together as Blake took the picture. “Flight 33 leaving for Berlin is now boarding.” said the airport intercom. “That’s our flight. Nice to meet you Hannah.” said Blake. Hannah blushed with excitement. After Hannah left us, we boarded the plane to Berlin. After 10 hours we landed in Berlin. We had to go to the concert venue immediately for sound check. Since I wasn’t performing, I stayed backstage to watch. They performed Your Love by The Outfield. They sounded great. I went to hair and make-up afterward to get ready for my meet and greets. “You look fantastic!” said Joan. “Thanks.” I said. “You always look fantastic.” said Blake. “And you smell.” I said. “Wash up.” Joan said to Blake. “You get ready for your meet and greet.” said Joan. I nodded. “Are you going to be okay?” asked Blake. “I’ll be fine.” I said, as I kissed him. I went over to the meet and greet area. “Hi Gary.” I said. “You ready?” he asked. “Yes.” I said. “If it gets too crazy, I’m right here.” Gary said. “I know, let’em in.” I said. The fans came in herds. It was a lot, but I handled it. I was finishing up with the last few fans when Blake came in. The fans went crazy. “Woah, woah.” Blake said. Gary went over and pulled the fans away and led them out. “Well, that was crazy.” Blake said. “I know.” I said. “The show starts in half an hour.” he said. “Are you guys ready?” I asked. “Yep.” Blake said. “Blake, you have an interview after the show.” Joan said. “Okay.” Blake said. Blake and I walked over to where Noah and Crystal were sitting. “So, Crystal-” said Noah as he looked at Blake. Blake mouthed “Tell her.” to him. “Crystal, I really like you, would you want to go out with me?” asked Noah. “You want me to be your girlfriend?” as Crystal. “If you want to be.” Noah said. “Does this answer your question?” asked Crystal. Then she kissed him. “So that’s a yes?” Noah said. “Yes, you dummy.” said Crystal. Blake and I applauded jokingly. Crystal and Noah laughed. “Get on stage, 5 minutes til showtime.” said Joan. We all stood up. I turned towards Blake. “Good luck.” I said. Then I kissed him. “Thanks, I’ll see you after the show, I love you.” he said. “I love you too.” I said. I went over to the edge of the stage and stood next to Joan. “What’s up, Berlin?” said Blake to the audience. “Let’s get the party started!” he said. The first song they performed was Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones. The audience loved the performance and so did I. The audience was on their feet the entire show. “Goodnight Berlin! We love you!” said Blake. Then he ran off stage and kissed me. “Blake, you have an interview.” said Joan. “I know, I’ll be there in a second.” he said. “I’ll see you on the tour bus then.” I said. “Okay, see you later, love you.” he said, kissing me on the cheek. I went back to the tour bus with Crystal. “So, you and Noah.” I said. “Yep, he’s my boyfriend now.” Crystal said. I laughed. “I’m happy for you both.” I said. “What’s the next stop?” asked Crystal. “I think we are going to Rome.” I said. I looked out the window and saw Noah and Blake coming to the tour bus. Gary was in front of them. Noah sat next to Crystal. Blake sat next to me. “I’m excited to go to Rome tomorrow.” Blake said. “Stay seated, we are leaving now.” said Gary. “You were amazing tonight, Blake.” I said. “Thanks.” he said. “It makes me kinda miss performing.” I said. “If you want to perform on stage with us, I’d be cool with that.” he said. He looked at Noah. Noah nodded. “It’s fine, I don’t want to confuse my fans.” I said. “How was the interview?” I asked. “ It was great.” said Blake. We  talked for a few more hours then we fell asleep. Before we knew it we were in Rome. “Wow.” I said. “I know, Rome is so pretty.” said Blake. We looked out the windows in awe. Once we arrived at the concert venue, Blake, Noah, and Crystal went to sound check. I went to see some sights in Rome. Gary came with me. After visiting the colosseum, I went to the local mall to get something to eat. I noticed a magazine in one of the kiosks and it had Blake and Noah’s interview. So I bought one and read their interview. I could not believe some of the things they said Blake said. “This does not sound like the Blake I know.” I said. “Are we sure he actually said that? Maybe they twisted his words?” said Gary. “I really hope that’s the case.” I said. Gary and I went back to the concert venue. We decided not to say anything about the interview. Blake, Crystal, and Noah were getting ready to go on stage. “Good luck, I love you.” I said. Blake kissed me and went on stage. He didn’t say “I love you too”. Which made me more concerned about the interview. The first song they performed was Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac. After a few more songs, Blake went to play some more songs on his acoustic guitar. So Noah and Crystal went backstage. Crystal sat on the couch while Noah used the bathroom. I sat next to Crystal. “Hey Crystal, while I was out sightseeing I found a copy of the magazine with Blake and Noah’s interview and well you have to read it yourself.” I said, handing Crystal the magazine. “That does not sound like them.” said Crystal. “I know, but I don’t know if they actually said that.” I said. “Although, based on how Blake acted tonight, I’m concerned they did say that. I mean he didn’t even say “I love you too.” he always says “I love you too.”” I said. “Let’s not jump to conclusions, anyways I’ve got to get back on stage.” said Crystal. “Ok, But let me know if they are acting weird on stage.” I said. Crystal nodded. The last song they performed was Jump by Van Halen. After that, Blake and Noah met Crystal and I on the tour bus. We were going to the airport for a quick flight over to Barcelona. I sat anxiously waiting for Blake and Noah. “Hey- are you alright.” Blake said, confusedly as he sat down and put his water bottle down. “Yeah, it’s just I found A copy of the magazine with your interview and did you actually say these things.” I asked, showing him the magazine. I looked at Crystal nervously. She looked at Noah. He moved next to Blake and read the magazine over his shoulder. “By the way you said it, I thought they had really twisted our words, but they really didn’t.” Blake said. Noah nodded. “So you did say that stuff?” I asked. Blake and Noah nodded. “Pretty much.” said Blake. I looked at Crystal. “I need to be by myself for a moment.” I said. “What’s wrong?” asked Blake. “Nothing.” I said. I went to the bedroom at the back of the bus. I grabbed my computer and video chatted with Harrison. I showed him the magazine with the interview. “Oh my gosh, he  actually confirmed he said that?” asked Harrison. “Yes.” I said. “What do I do?” I asked. “Talk to him.” Harrison said. “You're right, but it’s late. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” I said. “Good Luck.” said Harrison. “Thanks, talk to you soon. Good night.” I said. “Good night.” said Harrison, as we hung up. 

Chapter 6 

We arrived at the concert venue in Barcelona at 8:00am. We slept on the tour bus for a few hours. After, we went to the concert venue for sound check. “Good job, Get some rest and be ready for the show by 6:00pm.” said Joan. I went to the dressing room and texted Harrison. Blake came in. “Hey are you OK? you seemed anxious last night.” Blake said. I sighed. “We need to talk.” I said. Blake sat down next to me. “Why did you say those things in that interview? I mean that doesn’t sound like you at all.” I said. “Why do you care about what I said in that interview?” asked Blake. “Because you sound like a jerk and I don’t want fame going to your head.” I said. “Oh so now that I’m famous, you can’t be happy for me?” said Blake, standing up. “No I-” I said. “You're just jealous because everyone has already forgotten you.” Blake said. I stood up too. “I’m not jealous, I just don’t want you to forget who you are. I don't know what happened to the Blake I love, but you are not him.” I said. I left the dressing room as Blake just stood there. I sat down on the couch backstage. Crystal walked towards me. She sat down next to me. “Did you talk to him?” asked Crystal. “Yes, but it did not go well.” I said. “It ended up with arguing?” asked Crystal. I nodded. “I’m sorry things didn’t go well.” said Crystal. “10 minutes til showtime.” said Joan. “I gotta go.” said Crystal. “Go, I’ll be fine.” I said. I stood next Joan at the edge of the stage. “What’s up Barcelona?” said Blake. The audience cheered loudly. “The first song we are going to perform is You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi.” said Blake. “That wasn’t on the setlist.” said Joan. My heart sank as Blake looked at me as he played the first chords. “Shot through the heart and you're to blame, you give love a bad name.” Blake sang. I could feel my heart rate rising. I began to sweat. And my hands began to shake. I looked at Crystal who looked at me. “Are you okay?” asked Joan. “No.” I said panting. I ran with Gary following behind me. I ran to the tour bus and locked myself in the back room of the bus. Gary knocked on the door. “Brenna, I’m right out here if you need me.” he said. “Thanks Gary.” I said panting. I grabbed my computer quickly and video chatted with Harrison. “Are you okay?” asked Harrison. “No.” I said. “You’re having an anxiety attack, aren’t you?” asked Harrison. I nodded. “Just breathe, tell me everything that happened.” he said. I took a few deep breaths and told Harrison everything that happened today. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he did that.” Harrison said. “Harrison, I just want to go home.” I said. “Don’t, I have an idea. Go to the airport tomorrow and wait by the baggage claim, text me when you're there. I will give you further instructions.” said Harrison. “Okay.” I said. “Until then, I’ll see if Gary can take me to a hotel to sleep in tonight, I just want to get as far away as I can from Blake tonight.” I said. “Okay, be careful, see you soon.” said Harrison. “Thanks, Harrison, bye.” I said. I closed my computer and grabbed my bags. I unlocked the door and approached Gary. “Gary, can you take me to a hotel nearby?” I asked. “Yes, is everything okay?” he asked. “Yeah, for now.” I said. “Okay, I’ll tell Joan we’re  not going with them to Portugal.” said Gary. “I just need you to take me to a hotel, I can take care of myself.” I said. “Are you sure?” asked Gary. I walked towards Gary. I put my hands on his shoulders. “You don’t have to worry about me, Gary and they need you here.” I said. “Fine, let’s go.” he said. An hour later, we got to the hotel. Gary helped me carry my stuff up to my room. “Are you sure, you don’t want me to stay with you?” Gary asked. “Yes, I’ll be fine Gary. I love you.” I said, hugging him. After Gary left. I ran myself a bath. My phone rang, when I saw that it was Blake, I turned it off. I had already posted to my fans in Portugal that I didn’t feel good and was not going to be able to do my meet and greets. After my bath, I went to bed. The next morning I got up at 7:00 am. I checked my phone and I looked at my texts from Crystal. She said that she was sorry about what happened and would talk to them about it. I didn’t reply. I turned my phone off again. I decided that the only person I would text would be Harrison and I would avoid the internet at all costs. I got a taxi and went to the airport. I walked to the baggage claim and texted Harrison. He said to go to baggage claim number 5. When I got there I saw Harrison standing there with two suitcases and he even had Peanut and Buttercup. “Harrison, I can’t believe you actually came here and you brought my dogs.” I said. I hugged him and pet my dogs. “I figured you needed me in person.” said Harrison. “Come on, let’s go explore Spain.” he said. I smiled at him and I turned my phone off. We stopped by my hotel room so Harrison could drop his stuff off. We explored all around Barcelona. We even went to the beach. We ended up at a mall doing some shopping. We walked past a group of girls. The girls turned and chased after us because they recognized me. We ended up losing them when we ran into the bathrooms. “Whew, that was close.” I said. “Seriously, we could have been maimed.” said Harrison. “We have to find a way to get around without me getting recognized.” I said. Harrisoned smiled at me. “It sounds like you need a makeover.” he said. He gave me a hat and sunglasses to wear for the time being. He took me to a hair salon. We turned my hair from long dark brown wavy hair to straight medium length blonde hair with a streak of lilac. After that we went and got my eyebrows done and we bought some color contacts. My brown eyes turned Grey. Then Harrison bought me some new clothes that were different from my usual style. I looked completely different. We were both confident that no one would recognize me. “You look amazing.” said Harrison. After that we went to a Karaoke bar. “Do you think anyone would recognize me by my singing?” I asked. “I highly doubt it.” said Harrison. “Great.” I said. “What song are you going to sing?” Harrison asked. “I was thinking of revenge.” I said. “What do you mean?” asked Harrison. “You’ll see.” I said, standing up. I walked to the DJ and told him what song I wanted to sing. I decided to sing I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts. I watched the door open and Crystal, Noah, and  Blake walked in as I sang. Blake looked at me in shock. I looked at Harrison, who looked at me in shock too. Blake left after a few minutes. Noah went with him. Crystal sat down next to Harrison. After I finished performing, I sat down next to Harrison. “What are you guys doing here?” I asked Crystal. “I talked to Blake and Noah. Blake wanted to come talk to you, but I guess that’s not happening now.” said Crystal. “By the way, you look great.” she said. “Thanks, I thought you were supposed to be doing a show in Portugal.” I said. “We were, but Joan delayed the show, because she’s worried about you and she doesn’t want Blake doing something stupid like he did yesterday.” said Crystal. “I hate the way Blake and I left things, as much as I’m angry at him.” I said. “So you want to fix things.” said Crystal. I nodded. “Well we’re performing our show in Portugal tomorrow.” She said. “And Blake is planning on playing Sweet Child O’ Mine as their opener.” said Crystal. “I think I have a plan.” I said. “Crystal take us to Joan, I need to talk to her.” I said. “What about me?” asked Harrison. “I want you to come too, after all I did say “Take us””. I said  

Chapter 7 

A few hours later, we arrived in Portugal. “Let’s get inside.” I said, when we got to the venue. “Woah, woah.” said Gary. “Gary, it’s me, Brenna.” I said. “Oh, I didn’t recognize you.” said Gary. “It’s okay, I need to talk to Joan.” I said. He opened the door for us and we went inside. Since it didn’t matter if people recognized me, I stopped by the bathroom and removed my contact lenses. “Joan, how much longer till showtime?” I asked. “Brenna, what are you doing back?” asked Joan. “I want to make things right with Blake.” I said. “There’s 10 minutes left till showtime.” she said. I told Joan my plan. Harrison followed me to the dressing rooms, along the way we ran into the bassist for the backup band, Rocky. Rocky wasn’t able to link up with us on tour until the show in Portugal. Up til tonight, Crystal had been playing his parts on the keyboard. “Hey, Rocky.” I said. He and Harrison instantly made eye contact. Rocky had black hair that was pointed in a quiff. He also had dark eyes, a goatee, and pale skin. “Rocky, this is my best friend Harrison.” I said. He and Harrison shook hands. “Nice to meet you.” Rocky said. Harrison was speechless. After Rocky had gone to the stage, Harrison turned to me. “Who was that?” he asked. “That was my bassist, Rocky.” I said. “He’s hot, do you know if he is straight or not?” asked Harrison. I shrugged my shoulders. Once we got to the dressing room, I gave Harrison some tickets to the V.I.P lounge and a backstage pass, so he could watch the show. I hid in the dressing room til Blake and Noah went on stage. Then I blended in with some stage hands. I heard the first few chords of Sweet Child O’ Mine. Then I jumped in on the first verse. Blake looked shocked, but he couldn’t stop. “Brenna, what are you doing?” asked Blake between one of the breaks in the song. “I want to make things right. We’ll talk more after the song” I said, before going into the second verse. After the song ended, Blake put his guitar down and walked towards me. “So?” he asked. “I’m sorry if I haven’t been clear, but after I read your interview I was scared that you were letting fame go to your head. I just don’t want to lose the Blake I fell in love with.” I said. The audience awed when I said that. “I’m sorry too, I thought about what happened, and what I said during the interview wasn’t right. I just said things I thought people would want me to say.” said Blake. “Don’t let people decide who you want to be, just be yourself.” I said. Blake smiled. “I love you, Brenna. Thanks for looking out for me.” Blake said. I smiled too, then we kissed. “One last question though, will I ever get to sing Sweet Child O’ Mine or are you going to keep interrupting me?” he asked. Everyone laughed. “We’ll have to see.” I said, flirtatiously. “Do you want to sing on stage with us?” Blake asked. “Can I always sing on stage with you guys?” I asked. “You mean form a band?” Blake asked. “Yes, I finally realized what I want to do with music, I want to perform with my friends and boyfriend.” I said. “Good, I was worried you were calling me just your friend.” Blake said. Everyone laughed. “What song do we sing next?” I asked. “Whatever you want.” Blake said. “How about I Love Rock and Roll by Joan Jett?” I said. “Sounds good.” Blake said. We ended the show that night with Surrender by Cheap Trick. “That was great.” Joan said, when we walked backstage. “Is there any way to publicly apologize for that interview?” Blake asked. “You just leave that to me.” said Joan. “Okay.” Blake said. I turned towards Crystal and Noah. “Are you guys okay?” I asked. “Yeah, we worked things out.” said Crystal. “Honestly, during the interview, I was just following Blake’s lead. I didn’t expect him to say that stuff either.” said Noah. “Yeah, I’m sorry, we should have talked about what we wanted to say before the interview.” Blake said. “It’s cool.” said Noah. Harrison came backstage. “I’m glad everything worked out.” He said. “Me too.” I said. Harrison got up to use the bathroom. Rocky walked past us. “Hey Rocky, I have a question.” I said. “Shoot.” he said. “I have a friend who is interested in you, so are you straight or gay?” I asked. “I like men.” He said. “Then my friend will be very happy.” I said. Rocky pulled a chair up and sat backwards on it. “Can I have your friend’s number?” he asked. “Sure.” I said. Rocky left by the time Harrison came back from the bathroom. “I have something for you.” I said to Harrison as he sat down. I handed him the paper with Rocky’s number on it. “No way, you got his number for me.” Harrison said, excitedly. “Not only that, but I gave him your number.” I said. Harrison was so excited he could barely speak. That night, we all went back to the airport. We were going back to New York for a few days before going to Japan for the Asian leg of the tour. Our flight took off at midnight. We arrived in New York at about 8:00 in the morning. Blake and I got back to our apartment. “Do you want to listen to some music?” Blake asked. “Sure.” I said. Putting my bags down. He put on Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. We danced the whole morning. 

The End

Epilogue

 The next day, I felt a little nauseous. I had also skipped a period. So I decided to take a pregnancy test. Blake was not home; he went to do an interview on Good Morning America. I watched his interview while I waited on the test. Buttercup and Peanut were resting next to me. I pet them anxiously. After the show ended, I walked back to the bathroom. I looked at the test results. My heart rate sped up. I thought about the drunken night after we went to the Tenth Bar. My hands shook as I looked at the pregnancy test in shock. “Brenna, are you okay?” Blake asked as he came into the loft. I looked at the pregnancy test and wrapped it in toilet paper and threw it in the garbage. I walked out of the bathroom. “I’m fine.” I said.    

To find out more read The Return to the Spotlight (coming soon).

[perfecting-procrastination]

Hotel - Zabdiel (Part 2)

I am sooo sorry guys that I took so long, I thought I would have loads of time but I have been at work nonstop and have been feeling ill lately tooo. I have plans for a 3rd one and I’ll try my best to get it done as soon as I can! Anyway hope you like this part 2, I love being a tease so I hope the ending doesn’t kill you guys ;). 

Word Count: I don’t know mate fucking long 

Warning: 18++

"I don't believe you, you are lying to me. THERE IS NO WAY Y/N!" Victoria said in shock, processing what she just heard come from your mouth. You laughed, "Its hard to believe but yeh, it happened and he wants to see me later too". Victoria was in so much shock she had to sit down and take a moment. Whereas, you've been sat on the bed ever since Zabdiel left, you could barely stand after what just happened. That orgasm literally sent your legs into jelly. "Well, what are you going to do? How are you going to act later?!", you went in a daze and thought [She was right how am I supposed to act, like what am I expected to do after hes left me like that]. Victoria then shouted "WAIT SHIT I'VE JUST REALISED SOMETHING", scaring the shit out of you. "Jesus Vicky, quiet down haha" you uttered. "Sorry, I just realised that if we go backstage which is probably where he is going to take us. Does that mean I am gonna meet them too. Do I have a chance with some Ecuadorian dick, because YES PLEASE" Victoria said with a devious grin on her face. "To be honest if Zabdiel can finger me in my hotel room then anything is possible. So.... GO GET YOURSELF SOME ECUADORIAN DICK B", you screamed with enthusiasm [Vicky deserves to get some action after her dickhead of an ex anyway]. You both laughed and carried on chatting about tonight and what could happen, the excitement was unbearable and you both just wanted it to come sooner. 

A couple of hours later...

"Right are we ready to go, we need to get there early if you want to get a good space in line" said Victoria rushing me in the process, as usual. You started doing your final checks in the mirror, placing your hands on your waist and turning to the side to see if your outfit makes you look big in the mirror. You tend to get like this before you go out, you worry about your figure most days as you are not shaped like most girls. You were curvier and thicker for sure, and it sometimes took a toll on you. [I really hope he likes the outfit, I hope he doesn't forget me. There is gonna be so many pretty girls there, I could get easily forgotten surely]. You place your hands on the dresser looking up at the mirror in front of you, [Ergh fuck sake why do I do this to myself]. Victoria could see you were getting lost in your thoughts, "Y/N are you okay?". You took your hands off the dresser and faced towards Victoria, "Yeh, I'm alright. I guess I'm just nervous. I should be happy and I definitely am but what if he doesn't even bother talking to me at the show. Like I know this is obviously just a hook up but like still. Ergh I don't know what I'm saying" you sighed. Vicky walked closer towards you and placed a hand on your shoulder, "Sis, lets recap okay. Zabdiel De Jesus came in your room fingered you, without asking for anything back or even to do more stuff. Then after asked for YOUR number. He obviously might not be completely head over heels for you right now cause he obviously doesn't know you well enough but maybe tonight might give him that opportunity. So don't bring yourself down, cause tonight might be the night sugar. Just have fun because that's the most important thing." Victoria said with a wink just after. A smile began to spread across your face as you realised that Victoria was talking some sense. "You're right, I am a beautiful curvy woman and Zabdiel would be dead lucky to have my fine ass tonight. I'm gonna show him who's in control tonight" You said with a flick of your hair. Victoria and you began to laugh and head for the door. You were excited and fully confident for tonight's event. 

In the Queue...

"They are gonna walk past any second now, I CANT FUCKING WAIT GIRL" Victoria screeched in excitement. You were having so many thoughts going through your mind that all you could do was respond with was a fake smile. The bus arrived and the door slowly opened. [Jesus hes about to come out, fuck fuck fuck]. Joel firsts walks out and is rushed through with security, he takes photos and hugs a couple of lucky fans on the way. Erick then steps out with Christopher closely followed behind him. Christopher gave Victoria a little wink in her direction on his way inside, it nearly caused Victoria to drop to the floor but she managed to get herself together. Then walked out Zabdiel and Richard, [God Zabdiel looks so hot, this is difficult. I just want to take him somewhere and rip off all his clothes]. While Zabdiel and Richard were walking inside, you see Richard whispering into Zabdiel's ear. They looked very engaged in a conversation, until you see Richard look over at you and say to Zabdiel "¿Es ella?". Zabdiel looked towards him and nodded his head, "Damn, she nice bro" Richard said with smirk. Zabdiel laughed in response, then finally his beautiful brown eyes made contact with yours. His stares were always so intense, it consistently made you weak every time you looked into them. You bit your lip as you felt the heat between your legs get damper. He moved his eyes towards your lip, all he could think about was those pretty lips wrapped around his dick and the image could not leave his mind. "Zabdiel, come on man" Richard shouted while grabbing Zabdiel in his direction, causing the loss of eye contact between you and him. You sighed, [God, I  just want to fuck him already]. "I saw that, you two were vibing and he DEFINITELY wants a piece" Victoria said while nudging you. You laughed and responded with "Mmm I hope so haha". 

30 mins later...

You and Victoria began to approach the security and the ticket desk, After security check your bags and you both walk towards the desk. The lady behind the desk looked away from her computer and towards us, "Hello, could I see your tickets please". You look through your bag and quickly pass the tickets over to the Lady, "Here you go". She looked through at the ticket and scanned the barcode, the lady then looked shocked as she saw something pop up on the screen. She paused for a minute and signalled a guard to come over. Victoria then faces towards you with a panicked look. The lady then looked back at you both with a smirk, "Well girls it says here that you have been granted VIP and backstage passes. So let me give your wrist bands and ill let George here from security take you backstage. Does that sound Good?". A smile spread across both of your faces followed with a more than compliant nod to her response. She placed the wristbands on both of your wrists and you follow the guard. You noticed other fans watching you go somewhere else with a guard, some either assumed you were in trouble or a new possible groupie for CNCO. But only you and Victoria knew which one you both were going to be and the excitement was only building as you got closer and closer to backstage. You then finally arrived at a room and the security opened the door for you, "Here you go girls, there's refreshments inside and someone will come over soon to give you a tour". You both smiled and Victoria responded with "Thank you George! You've been great". He then walked away and you both walked in the room. It was stylish and it had some sick food and drink, so you were both pretty content. "Oh my God I can't believe were here. it does not feel real at all" you say still astonished from all of the events of today to where you are now. Victoria grabs your shoulders shaking them and saying "GIRL, you can fucking say that again". You both giggle while moving towards the sofa to sit down and have a chat while you wait for the backstage tour guide. 

10 mins later...

*knock, knock* You both look up to notice a lady standing there with 2 lanyards in hand, "Hiya girls, my name is Lisa and ill be showing you round. Are you ready for the tour?". Victoria and you smiled and walked over to Lisa to introduce yourselves. After you all got acquainted, you both were given your lanyards and followed Lisa around the building. She showed you different sections behind the backstage area, showing where the guys chill and explains to you what they do before a performance to get psyched up. You both were looking all around, eyes wide taking in all the scenery. "God its so big in here" Victoria observed. It really was huge and they was so much going on behind stage, and none of it looked easy to deal with. You really do forget how hard the staff and the boys must work to make the performance so perfect. You then uttered, "It really is, Jesus". "Si, mi preciosa", the words were whispered into your ear from behind by a low deep voice. You turn around instantly to see that beautiful tall blonde god, and you couldn't help but smile. You were trying to hold in your inner crazy fan girl but it was hard. You look up to him and whisper, "I've been waiting for you". Zabdiel bites his lip and says "So have I". He looks behind you and then look backs at you. You look at him confused and question "whats wrong?". He then smiles back at you and says "I think Christopher likes your friend". You furrowed your brows and turned around to see Victoria giggling with Christopher, who was flirting majorly with her. You then feel a light squeeze on your hand, you turn around to look at Zabdiel "Cmon I want to take you somewhere, we can leave them in peace". You turn to him with a mischievous smile and a raised eyebrow, "Oh yeah where do you want to take me". Zabdiel sends a wink your way and pulls on your hand, leading you down a hallway. He then reaches this door that labels 'Staff only', he drags you in and closes the door. You look around and notice a desk and some boxes around. [Must be an extra office or something?]. While your eyes were wondering around the room you hear the sound of a click and turn around to notice Zabdiel locking the door. “Planning to kill me?” You said with a smirk. Zabdiel laughs and comes up real close to you “Hmm well you’ve been killing me all day, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since our last meeting.”. You look up towards him and flutter your eyelashes, “Why is that baby, do I make you hungry?”. Hearing those dirty words come out of your innocent mouth made Zabdiel go crazy. And you were right, he was HUNGRY and he wanted you so bad that he was struggling to contain himself. Zabdiel picked you up causing you to instantly wrap your legs around his waist. The whole movement was quick and it all fitted perfectly like you two were meant to be connected with one and another. He moves you towards the wall and starts kissing you hungrily, he wanted you and he couldn’t wait much longer. You ran your hands through his beautiful blonde hair, giving it light tugs at points. Making him moan slightly, Zabdiel began moving his lips down your neck while gently squeezing your thighs. A few moans began to escape your mouth only exciting Zabdiel further. You then pulled Zabdiels hair back, causing him to look back at you with a surprised look. You move your lips slowly towards his ear and whisper “It’s your turn, papi”. You hop out of his grip and shove him against the wall. Zabdiel looks at you in shock, not quite sure what is happening as he is normally the one being dominant. But he most definitely is going to roll with it. You lower your self down and get on your knees. Zabdiel then moves his hands downwards to undo his belt, you then slap his hand off. “Ayy mami, what was that for” he responded. You look up at him while slowly undoing his belt and say “I’m in control this time, not you”. This made his eyes go wide with desire, he wasn’t used to this feeling but he sure did love it. Your eyes were finally met his boxers, you slowly shimmied both his jeans and boxers down. You knew Zabdiel was going to be big but god you weren’t expecting that. It only made you even hungrier for him that your mouth began to water. You positioned one hand on the base of the shaft and placed light kisses on the tip. You then moved those kisses up and down the shaft just to tease him further. Making Zabdiel moan uncontrollably, “Nena, por favor. Stop teasing me”. You look up to him and mutter “Do you want me bad baby, do I make you weak?”. He moves his head back and nods. You look disappointed, “use your words, otherwise I stop” you demanded. He looks at you with his mouth open in shock, “I want you so bad it’s killing me”. You smile deviously and move your mouth onto his tip and start slowly swirling your tongue around it. You start moving your other hand up and down his shaft, creating a steady pace. Zabdiel was losing his mind he was struggling to function with all that you were doing. His dick began to pulsate and you could tell he was getting increasingly closer to reaching his high. You began to pick up the pace and move your mouth all the way down his base, so far that the tip was hitting the back of your throat. Tears started to fall from your eyes and Zabdiel was on the edge. His hands were intertwined in your hair and he was tugging hard only making you wetter. “I’m about to cum baby, fuck” Zabdiel moaned. You went in harder, constantly swirling your tongue around as you went up and down on his big shaft. He was so close, but then you suddenly removed your swollen lips from his member. He looked down at you disappointed, wondering what your next move was. “En serio? I was so close princesa” Zabdiel huffed. You smirked deviously back at him and then stood up, removing your jeans and unclipping your bodysuit in the process. You tugged on his shirt leading him towards the desk and hopped on it. You opened your legs, granting zabdiel access. You opened your eyes really wide and look towards Zabdiel, “I just really want you to fill me up papi”. He didn’t think it was possible for you to make words that sound so dirty sound so innocent. But he definitely loved it, Zabdiel grabbed your thighs and brought you in closer. Zabdiel aligned his hard cock with your dripping core, he slowly pushed the tip on the outside of the entrance. Earning a moan of pure frustration from you, “Please papi, Fuck me”. Zabdiel could tell he was driving you crazy so he decided to take it further. He moved his hand up to your throat and lightly applied pressure, “mami, you need to be more patient. Can you do that for me?”. His hand around your throat while his tip was just sitting at your entrance was destroying you. You needed him and you needed him now. You tugged at your bottom lip and nodded your head. Zabdiel then slightly moved only the tip in, stretching you out instantly. It was just the tip but it was almost enough to send you into an orgasm. 

*buzz* *buzz*

Zabdiel and you looked at eachother wondering where the sound came from. You both noticed the sound coming from his phone which was on the floor. Zabdiel removed his tip from you leaving you empty and extremely frustrated. He picked up the phone and noticed it was Richard calling. “Que pasa Richard?” he mutters. You couldn’t hear clearly what he was saying but he didn’t look very impressed for sure. He pauses, “Okay okay I am coming now”. Zabdiel then hung up the phone and looked towards you, “I have to go nena,  we need to prepare for the show”. Zabdiel began to put on his boxers and jeans. You look at Zabdiel disappointed, “erghhh okay, please tell me we are going to have the chance to continue this later”. Zabdiel laughed and came up close to you, he lifted up your chin with his finger and whispered into your ear “I am not finished with you yet mami”. Zabdiel then opened the door and paced over to the boys to prepare for the concert. You got up and got dressed. You felt so frustrated but you knew you had to wait for Zabdiel. You wanted him so badly and this day has been nothing less of a surreal experience. You exhaled and opened the door, going towards where you last left Victoria. Hoping to find her somewhere backstage. But truly the one thing that was on your mind was Zabdiel.

[theghostbeaters]

my timeline of thoughts during my tlou 2 play through (bad and good and maybe even some silly) just let me vent because i can’t stop thinking about it tbh

- i was away from the internet for months because i didn’t want to be spoiled for anything, so when i started to play i had only the deceitful trailers to go by

- the beginning felt pretty normal for the last of us. they started you in the town and then on patrol for your hour of tutorial basically. i also remember thinking the recap of the first game was so nice because i liked seeing their younger selves in the new graphics

- abby was introduced, and like i said i had no clue what was going on because i had not been spoiled so my mind was going a mile a minute on wtf abby and co. were up to. when they spotted jackson my initial thought was maybe they do want joel and they will be the main antagonists? joel and ellie will have to fight them??? but because of the trailers, death of any sort wasn’t on my mind.

- i also had a very odd and pure hatred for owen’s voice, lol. i don’t know what it was but omg from the moment he spoke till his last breath i would always be like “why is he speaking like that??” in the back of my head.

- that scene happened. i’m a crier i’ll admit, but this was something else. I felt shocked, nauseous, numb. I don’t think I actually even cried till I saw the tombstone i was so taken aback by the way they went about this. I don’t care if they are fictional characters. It has been 7 years since the first game came out and almost 5 years that they released the first trailer for part 2. I did not wait this long, excited to see two of the most important characters to me in such realistic graphics get their fucking head caved in. at the very very least a fade to black and then to the tombstone would have gotten the same reaction you wanted from me, but it would have been done in a way less cruel way.

- i took about a 3 hour break. i could not get that image out of my head and it was really starting to upset me more then any media should. i don’t care or want to hear about any walking dead or apocalypse setting trope. it will never be edgy, deep, or meaningful to kill a favorite character in that manner. I want to state that again. In that manner. If they had killed joel in a more tactful way I could have possibly liked the game more.

-i remember thinking it felt forced. like the creators wanted this narrative so badly they seemed to go through hoops and hurdles to get there. there was a random horde that seemed to disappear as quick as it came, abby just gets lucky and has joel and tommy save her and then they go straight to the lions den? would joel from the first game be so quick to do that? Wait was she 100% sure just from two peoples names this was the guy she wanted? Ellie gets there just in time to see the final blow and then the others only get there just in time to miss everything and not be able to help? Whats going on??? This feels too structured and not genuine?? 

- going into his house was just as painful. i’m sorry but i’m going to bring this back up a lot-  if they would had just killed him in a more tactful manner i would have praised the way these little scenes were done. grabbing his watch, ellie smelling his clothes, seeing the pictures of sara and ellie, looking at his workshop and seeing how well he can carve! I couldn’t appreciate it the way I wanted to because I couldn’t get that image out of my head. i was literally bawling the entire time. 

-REVENGE TIME BEGINS:

+so the first scene was set: ellie wanted to go to seattle for revenge, dina was going to go with her, and tommy had already left. I remember having two thoughts here

  +“please tell me its going to be more then ellie just going on a revenge spree and then at the end she doesn’t kill abby because morals / murder is bad / not everything is black and white kind of tropes.” 

  +and “i have a wild feeling tommys gonna be like the only person that makes it out alive. he did it in the first game somehow hes gonna weasel his way free in this one.”

-ELLIES SEGMENTS:

+the graphics are amazing the sceneries are some of the most beautiful i have seen in a game. and it didn’t stop there. every area was amazing. I think most can agree to this. 

+i was determined, no matter what else the game threw at me i was going to see it through to the end and try very hard to visualize it the way the creators wanted it to be visualized. even if i didn’t agree or didn’t like parts, i figured hey the first game was so good this has to revive itself.

+i really liked the gameplay, it was a finer tuned version of the first game. i also liked the idea of the map and how it actively showed you different locations and crossed them out when you were done. but in the back of my head i was thinking “wow this would have all been so neat in the first game”. I shouldn’t be thinking about the first game. I should be enjoying this one.

+i was getting concerned none of the new characters were getting as much character development and love as some of the characters in the first one. I liked dina a lot, and by the very end of the game she did feel pretty rounded out (i especially liked her in the farm segment)  but the beginning and middle seemed almost more focused on “this is ellies girlfriend” instead of “this is dina”. I felt the same with jesse. I liked him but nothing stood out as much as it could and should have. I got more from tess in the short amount of time she was in the first game.

+there were certain segments that felt way more horror like and scary then in the first game and I loved them a lot. The new enemy (shambler) was cool and the settings where they used red lighting looked amazing. I also really loved the new take on stalkers. They were way harder to find and I found myself on edge to get jumped by one during those sections. They funny enough reminded me of dead space stalkers and i thought they were an improvement from the first games.

+at this point i pretty much understood what the creators were going for plot wise, but i personally just didn’t think it was needed. 1) i’m confident the majority of hardcore last of us fans already understand the concept of how every character can be good and bad and that not everything is black and white. we didn’t need to see one beloved character die horribly and the other be in that much pain and lose herself to understand that. 2) did we not pretty much already cover this concept in the first game? but....better? you remember...the ending?

- ELLIES FLASHBACKS:

+ of course I enjoyed them. its what i needed from a sequel. its what the whole game should have been, at least for me personally. the birthday flashback was the highlight of the entire game. i needed it so badly after the mind numbing, emotionally exhausting, weird out of place plot was putting me through. I was glad to finally see how ellie felt about the ending of the first game. but trying to crunch all that in 4 cutscenes? I just don’t feel like it was enough. you basically gave me one scene per year of joel and ellies relationship and you felt like that was enough to let me digest almost 5 years they spent in jackson?

- ABBYS SECTIONS:

+call me an optimist or maybe just stupid i’m not sure but when it rolled over and said “hey take over and check out the life of joel’s killer” my first thought was okay so i was right they want a “”nothing is black and white”” narrative but maybe doing it this way will be new and fresh? I can get through this and enjoy it? .... Its just not a fully possible reality and how could it be? had it been the first game in the series maybe it would had worked, but of course no matter how hard I tried I just felt disassociated from abby because I was already close to joel and ellie. I understood her reasons. I understood the narrative you were going for. I understood the damn parallels. I’m not an evil person that would just laugh about what happened to her dad, but how can you not understand as writers that a huge majority might be able to understand it, but still won’t be able to enjoy it. It felt so pushed and shoved into my face that I couldn’t enjoy it if i wanted to because the game just kept screaming “LOOK AT THE PARALLELS THO!!!”

+abbys dad seemed forced and out of place too. when abby and co. first killed joel i didn’t even think fireflies tbh. I thought it was something he did before he met ellie, or something he did during the 5 years in jackson. like yeah i got it, its not the worse backstory in the world but when put in context to the first game it just doesn’t make sense to me to use as the narrative you want to portray in the second game. maybe i’m nitpicking here but from all the personal notes and all the tapes you can read and listen to about the fireflies in the first game it makes it hard to believe the majority of fans would care for the second games narrative at all. they already made their decisions. it at the very least just seems like bad salesmanship? but maybe they already knew that and thats why the trailers were all lies? (just my thoughts at the time remember) 

+and oh god was the character development even worse for abbys friends. at least they tried to give abby a rounded character development that mirrored ellies but if you think ellies friends barely got character development, abbys friends got almost zero. I didn’t care about a single one. they felt so flimsy and husk like. “this is the boy she likes” “this is a medic friend” “this guy likes sex alot” “this is dog, so of course you like dog”

+I mean its great everyone was able to be so different. abby is muscular, ellie is a lesbian, there were many poc, dina is jewish, they brought in a trans character....but how can i enjoy any of it when more than half of these characters felt put in just to be there instead of well rounded characters you can appreciate for good or bad?

+the sex scene with her and owen was the scene where i personally felt myself giving up. it felt so much like this game wanted to be an HBO classic instead of just a video game that i felt myself detaching even more. (also whats up with owens voice??? lol)

+GROUND ZERO was a very good chapter. That shit was spooky in all the good ways, it felt a lot like dead space with the plastic everywhere, THE BIG ASS MONSTER HAD ME ON MY KNEES. The chase scene up to the actual boss fight was A+. Here is the one catch though - I forgot I was playing as abby. It felt more like just playing first person. Not a character at all. I don’t think that is how you want your game to be played, and no it wasn’t my intention. 

+I wish yara and lev had gotten more screen time. the game was so focused on the abby vs ellie thing and shoving it down your throat that most the side characters got washed out, these two included. Their story was interesting and it would had been nice to see more of them instead of whatever the weird love triangle abby had going on with her two friends I couldn’t care less about. (i stg chances were given, but as i previously stated they felt more like husks of characters then fully rounded ones.)

+getting hunted by tommy was actually a pretty cool highlight of the game for me. and even for a narrative i didn’t personally like it was a good idea to do! it reminded me of the sniper section (but holy hell tommys a better shot lol) and david’s hide and seek section in the first game which i thought was very well done. 

+this is when i went “oh maybe i was wrong, tommys gonna die. i give him a 20% chance of survival now that abby saw his face

-THEATER TIME

+why in the all out hell would you ever think it would be a good idea to tell the player to go after ellie? no matter what narrative? lmao. I died here the most literally for the soul fact i was scared there might be some kind of choice so i wouldn’t mash QTEs as fast as i normally would. and when i found out no, you just gotta power through it i literally found myself going through this 10 minute segment going “but i don’t want to do this”, “i really dont want to do this”, “do i have to do this?” “why do i gotta do this?” and yes i still understood your narrative but it doesn’t matter. it was just awkward. 

+This is where personally I would have put the cali segment if I really wanted to go with a narrative I still say didn’t need to happen because we already went through it in the first game, and then the happy farm bit at the end. 

-FARM

+i felt the game was going on too long and i was literally screaming at my screen to just end my suffering when i realized there was more after seattle. adding the extra PTSD scene just felt like an added fuck you towards the fans. I said it once, I’ll say it 1000x that scene with joel was seared into my brain already. I didn’t need that literal jumpscare. I already knew what ellie was going through dammit I was going through it with her! Let the girl and me for that matter have a bit of happiness after what you put us through!

+holy hell tommy fucking lived. he fucking lived. that mother fucker. hes the new telltales kenny. 

-SANTA BARBARA

+I said previously this section should have some how been merged into the seattle ending. I couldn’t tell you how honestly, but keeping it dragging like they did was so emotionally draining. it didn’t give me any feeling but more sadness and torment for a favorite character that didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. ellie looked so skinny and sad here. and i feel like it was what the creators were going for? because abby ended up looking just as sad looking. The ending fight was so sad and pathetic. I felt bad for both of them and that is what the creators wanted right? but at what cost? most of your fans, if they even managed to play this far, so emotionally drained and tired that they end up hating the game or not wanting to play it again? 

-ENDING

+so how do i feel now that i finished it? overall there were more cons than pros for me. as i said numerous times before this narrative is not new, this narrative was not needed. this narrative definitely shouldn’t have been lied about through trailers. this narrative was basically done better in the first game anyways. the ending did not give me “sad but hopeful”. it just left me empty and depressed. I don’t see myself playing this game ever again. 

+If anyone was able to enjoy it I’m truly happy you were able to and these were all just my personal thoughts and opinions while playing the game. I don’t hate anyone that liked it, I don’t even hate abby. I just personally hate they wrote a narrative that felt so forced down your throat in all the wrong ways. I hate that I wasn’t ready for that joel scene because it still hurts to think about. I hate thinking about how sad ellie looked and how they were both treated. It just wasn’t healthy for me tbh is the best way I can put it.