#i understand why @itspileofgoodthings loves it so much now

[silverysongs]

This Love is a eucatastrophe

[ihaveonlymydreams]

On the problem of explicit representations of sex in art

(this is for @itspileofgoodthings so she will stop pestering me :p. Also I apologize for the fact that when I write my thoughts they come out in formal academic language. I am not this stuffy in real life I promise. At least I don't think so!!! *runs away*)

Disclaimer: This is not an essay about the morality of representing sex in art. It is an argument that the explicit depiction of sex in art is, almost without exception, a crime against the nature of art itself. So I'm going about this in two parts: I believe that explicit sexuality in art destroys 1) not only the integrity of the work, but also 2) the ability of the reader or viewer to perceive the nature of reality.

This all depends on a very specific definition of art - and if you don't agree with it, you might as well stop reading now (fair warning!). Art, as I understand it, (following Aristotle's definition) is an imitation of Reality (truth, if you prefer). Its purpose is to open our minds and hearts to the deepest truths of existence, and it does so by engaging our imagination and pleasing our senses. Art allows us to perceive the depths that are usually hidden from us by the nature of our everyday life, our tendency to grow bored and complacent and insensitive to the beauty and power of Reality. Art reflects Reality, but not by making a detailed realistic copy - instead, art exaggerates, caricatures, heightens the contrast, draws things out of the shadows, paints in more vivid colors, and uses a thousand different tricks and techniques to open our eyes again to what is REALLY THERE.

1) the integrity of the work

So a work of art has a purpose, like a window has a purpose - it opens up on some vista, gives us an insight into another human being, allows us to imaginatively enter into experiences we've never had. Imagination is the tool that takes us out of ourselves and lets us see Reality. What it's not intended to do, in art, is to make us prisoners of our own selves and our own emotions. This is the first problem raised by the depiction of sex in art - is it so explicit that, rather than being drawn out of the self into Reality, the reader or viewer is drawn back into the self? If so, then it is no longer art but pornography. (I acknowledge, of course, that different people have different sensitivities - so the majority must be considered, not any individual.) Pornography in art, as I'm using the term, occurs at any moment when the (average) reader or viewer is 1) distracted from the story by a powerful physical or emotional reaction and then 2) finds that the story becomes a tool for the amplification and satiation of that response. To recapitulate: art is a window from the self into Reality; the moment it becomes a mirror or a tool of the self, it ceases to be art and becomes a kind of pornography, a self-indulgence that traps the person firmly inside of their own experience. When that happens, the integrity of the work of art is destroyed. For instance, the reader is no longer interested in the characters for their own sake or for the sake of the truth revealed through them. The work of art, this precious and unique creation that reflects Reality in its own particular way, is reduced to a tool that scratches an itch.

I understand, of course, where the temptation to write or otherwise portray these scenes comes from. On some level we all know there is some profound truth to be found in the experience of sex between two people who love each other. However, ironically, the more an artist attempts to get at the Reality of sex by explicit imitation, the more the truth of it slips away from them. In fact, the worst offenders of this kind are often female writers, who want so badly to give you the emotional truth of sex that they destroy their own art in the process - sex scenes become the selling point and everything grows more and more mediocre. Why is it so hard to portray the Reality of sex? Well, in part because we are so susceptible to being swept away by our own sensations and emotions in this regard. I do believe that the portrayal of other emotions can destroy the integrity of art in this way - violence and rage, for instance - but sex, rising as it does out of the purely positive emotion of love, seems to need the most delicate treatment of all.

2) the distortion of reality

There is, however, a different way of portraying sex in art than the one mentioned above. This is what I would call the coldly objective. At first glance, this method seems less problematic: sex is portrayed factually or clinically, the reader or viewer is not distracted by any personal reaction to the scene; rather than distract from the work of art, the scene keeps the attention of the reader where it should be. There are, in fact, some cases where I think this approach remains artistic - but they are few. The problem with the objective method of depicting sex is that it, too, fails to express the Reality. Sex is not, or should not be, a cold and joyless thing. It is the supreme most powerful expression of the love of two human beings, a love that makes them desire to be one in body and in soul. To present sex as purely a matter of two bodies, then, is to neglect the spiritual reality. Human beings having sex are not just animals copulating out of instinct. To make it seem so is to lie, to obscure the truth, and thus to fail as art.

There is a subcategory to this approach, as I mentioned, and it has to do with those situations in which one or more of the characters involved actually perceive sex in a cold or animalistic way. Rape scenes, for instance, can be done in an artistic way - as long as they take care not to run into the problem of pornography. In those cases, a cold and objective presentation can adequately reflect the truth of what is happening. The same can be said of scenes where disgust or horror is the emotional response - though that, again, has to be very carefully controlled. Even disgust can become self-indulgent, and self-indulgence is the enemy of art, which should be clear-sighted and outward-gazing into the dark and light of Reality.

CONCLUSION

In conclusion: the nature of art and the nature of sex both conspire to make the explicit and truthful depiction of sex a pretty much impossible thing. If art tries too hard to depict the spirit reality of the act, it falls into the trap of pornography and ceases to be art; if it tries to be objective and unemotional, it fails to be true and so again ceases to be art. There was a reason sex was considered sacred in older times: not necessarily, again, for purely religious reasons. Sacred means "set apart." The experience of sex should be "set apart" for those who can experience its truth, for those who love each other, body and soul, and desire union. Precisely because sex is union, both physical and spiritual, it becomes impossible to reproduce explicitly and directly.

But what does that mean? Is there no way to give a window into that Reality through art? I think there are many methods, in fact, that have been used throughout the history of art and storytelling - conversations being one. Just think about the lovely conversations between Jane Austen's protagonists after they confess their love to each other! True love's kiss is one of the most common conventions - as, in opera and musicals, is the love duet. And, of course, especially in movies - DANCE SCENES. It's my theory that dance scenes are the perfect artistic expression of the Reality of sex, because they allow you to see the spiritual and physical unity of the lovers in a way that doesn't distract from the truth of the art. There's a reason Shakespeare's plays always ended with dancing.

(Look at that and tell me it isn't more TRUE than a sex scene could ever have been)

[francesderwent]

iamfitzwilliamdarcy said: can't discourse about s4 yet but in general i get a little annoyed about vampires who grew up in completely different time and environments just having casual sex willy nilly. like some of them i understand but ALL of theM??? and they get the free pass bc being a vamp makes you Extra Horny say what you want about twilight but at least edward had some of the same attitudes of a 17yo boy from the early 20th century!

I’m dying, this is so hilarious and yet SO true!!  man, the 1864 sex in particular was annoying.  you want me to believe Stefan Salvatore - STefan!!! - was already mid-sex with Katherine before he was ever compelled??  I don’t think so, my dude.

itspileofgoodthings said: i wish i had something brilliant to say but 1) I AGREE and 2) WHY do you think it makes it more interesting? like morals aside (i know an oxymoron) but what is it specifically that makes a chaste love story more interesting? what are your thoughts!!! i mean i think it at least partly has to do with restraint and tension and Keeping Some Things Secret so that your love story feels so full- beCAUSE there's a part you don't see? And it's a part you shouldn't see. but i mean. it's hard for me to be coherent about this!! also @iamfitzwilliamdarcy​ right???

I have TWO reasons I think it would be more interesting, and the first actually gets to @iamfitzwilliamdarcy‘s Twilight point!!

1.  Vampires are literally the embodiment of the vice of LUST in particular -not gluttony, and not addiction.  Therefore, on a very basic level, if you sleep with them, YOU’VE ALREADY FAILED.  And Twilight, for all its manifold faults, kind of got this basic point - drinking human blood is BAD and seduction is also BAD.  Twilight gives a hard no to both!  Whereas TVD, even though in general it has a much deeper understanding of good and evil, in this case makes a much weaker claim: drinking human blood is fine as long as you’re in control and you’re not killing anyone, and sex is...what?  TVD doesn’t really make much of a claim about sex, from what I can tell - it seems to take premarital sex for granted...just as long as you’re in control and you’re not hurting anyone.  And now that I’m writing this I really wonder if the analogy was set up that way on PURPOSE, if they have a less drastic stance on vampirism SO THAT they can have a stance on romance and dating consonant with the sexual revolution and (to some extent) hook-up culture.  But even with the weakened version of the analogy, there’s something that never sits quite right about ubiquitous sex in vampire shows - you’ve kind of missed the point of the drama of vampire existence.  If you can’t show restraint, like you said!, then you’re not really a redeemed vampire, now are you?

2.  But then on the other hand, I’ve already said that I actually really like supernatural romance as a trope, so I ALSO think it would be more interesting because of what eros IS.  Eros - human, desiring love - is not itself already lust.  And in fact, it isn’t even just bare sexual desire.  What eros of itself really wants isn’t just to have sex.  What it wants is to receive the other, fully, and to be awakened to a responding gift.  What eros wants is marriage!  And so for TVD to tell me this beautiful story about a man who thought he knew what he wanted but then, in an encounter with the truly good and beautiful, came to know just how deep the desires of his heart really went - and then over seasons and seasons of him learning not to grasp at things and not to be satisfied with lesser goods, they just expect me to watch a sex scene and think that that's the end of the arc??  That he’s finally gotten what he wanted???  I DON’T BUY IT.  The direction the show takes after the initial “Kiss Me” scene does import a little restraint, but always externally, never as a function of the internal dynamics of the relationship, and I think it cuts off the s1-3 development of the Damon/Elena relationship at the knees.  They were telling a different story than “guy really wants to sleep with girl”, and it’s a shame they didn’t always see that.  

I mean - ALSO - Damon sees Elena as almost sacred, so that I can’t believe he would IMMEDIATELY be like “oh, we're on the same page? let’s bang it out”.  Except of course I CAN, because he’s so afraid she’ll disappear again, nothing good has happened to him and so he’s spent 200 years just taking what he can get - but wouldn’t it have been interesting if this one time he didn’t????  

[wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey]

The Last Jedi, Loneliness, and Love

This is dedicated to @itspileofgoodthings aka @reylohasmyheart, queen of meta, and also to @thelonelybrilliance, queen of fanfic

Please forgive me, I was driving home from work yesterday, listening to Paloma Faith’s “Only Love Can Hurt Like This,” and somehow I started thinking about Reylo and why it makes my soul ache—why I think it is beautiful and why I think its development in The Last Jedi is, contrary to what you might think, realistic and even healthy

Oh heck I was going to make this a very eloquent, orderly post but screw that I have thoughts and they are going to run the race as they see fit

I think one of the great sorrows of humanity is loneliness.  We were made for companionship, for family, for loyalty, for smiling and speaking and hugging, for dream-sharing and sorrow-comforting. For the gifting of the self to others, and most especially the gifting of the self to the man or woman we marry. To lead healthy lives, we need some form of community, even if it is only one or two people we talk to and entrust ourselves to.  Usually it is more.

Anyway, this is where I want to begin with Rey and Kylo Ren—or as I am going to call him, Ben Solo

(Because Kylo Ren is just a mask, a veil between Ben’s tattered soul and the world around him, a pretense that he wasn’t broken and longing for something more, even as Darth Vader was a construction to block off Anakin Skywalker from the truth of his pain—that his terrible deeds were destroying him, not strengthening him.  I’m not saying that Kylo Ren and Darth Vader are entirely separate from Ben and Anakin.  What I am saying is that those personas are not building blocks but rather insidious vines wrapping around stone towers, strangling and cutting and smothering.  You know why? Evil lies.  It lies even when it screams it is telling the truth, even when it whispers that it alone sheds light on reality.  And thus, evil can only tear down and destroy things.  Each person has in them a potential of excellence, the best person they can be—thoughtful, brave, compassionate, humble, self-sacrificing, merciful, faithful, hopeful, loving.  Since this excellent version of the self is the one I think we all should strive for, I would call it the deepest, truest self, and thus winds up my long digression into why I am calling Kylo Ren Ben Solo from now on...so sorry)

Back to Rey and Ben in The Last Jedi.  Well, no, we have to go back to The Force Awakens for a moment.  Many many people have already commented on the interrogation scene and the scene at the end where Ben asks Rey to let him teach her the ways of the Force, so let me just sum up the important ideas there.  First, Ben is fascinated by Rey the moment he sets eyes on her (before that actually—why?  Force visions?  dreams? rumors?  a gut feeling?) and he clearly does not like the idea of her seeing him as a monster.  Interesting that he takes his helmet off immediately after she calls him one, even though he is the one who made the choice to wear the helmet, whether as a way to identify himself more with Vader or as a way to make his own choice for once, regardless of Snoke’s thoughts (the manipulative, abusive cretin).

Either way, Ben taking off his helmet in the interrogation scene signals his desire for Rey to see him as a human creature like herself.  He does not want to be seen as Other.  As someone to be overlooked, feared, discarded.  (It kind of works, Rey is clearly taken aback, but she still has no time for his dark ways and thus she is awesome, because yeah Ben my son is currently working for the First Order) sorry this summary is just as long as anything anyway just take note that Ben does not want to be separated from humanity.  And note the way he speaks her thoughts and feelings out loud, the tone of his voice when he says she is so lonely, desperate to sleep at night.  He feels all of these things too, and in my opinion he is shook as heck that Rey is like a mirror image of him.  

Ah Ben.  One of my favorite scenes is the end fight, in which Ben and Rey beat each other up, in which Rey is a righteous ball of fury and Ben the fool has her literally on the edge of a cliff bent over backwards and all the awestruck idiot can do is—throw out a desperate plea for her to join him so he can teach her?? ?  

If the guy was thinking clearly he might be able to divine that she isn’t the mood to become best buddies with him.  But he is so ecstatic with the vision of what might be that he doesn’t see what is right in front of him.  A very angry woman.  Anyway, Rey connects with the Force and lays my man out flat on his back, face sliced in half, and still Ben looks at her like she is a sun or maybe a supernova and Rey looks back at him but that isn’t exactly part of the loneliness discussion I mean maybe it is but I would literally need another essay to discuss that and this essay is already like six essays so I need to move on

So much for the Force Awakens.  Let’s look at The Last Jedi and loneliness.  What fascinates me about the growth of reylo in this film is literally everything how Rey and Ben are both wallowing in different wells of loneliness, and each well is very different in their depths and their makings, yet still being in those wells allows them to understand each other’s pain.  Both Rey and Ben suffer separation from their family, both suffer the feelings of abandonment.  Of course, one could argue that Ben’s separation was his own choice, and it was, to a degree. He did choose to go with Snoke, to leave Luke, to destroy the Jedi academy.  To kill his father.  But to look at that and say that only Ben’s bare choices matter and that he deserves death and hellfire does a disservice to all those who have suffered mental, physical, and/or spiritual abuse as either a child or an adult.  

(SIDENOTE: I am absolutely not saying Ben was justified in his actions, or that I approve of them, or that he is an innocent cinnamon roll.  What I am saying is that he is a damaged soul, who has suffered so much from his own mistakes, from whatever mistakes his family made, and from the horrible cruelty of Snoke.  He was literally manipulated and abused by shrivel-face from when he was in Leia’s womb, maybe, just MAYBE we can feel some compassion for him?  And remember that his mom and dad still love him and forgive him and want him to come home)

Back to wherever I was, Ben is lonely as heck.  He is cut off from his family, has felt unloved and unworthy for so many years, and has a soul completely wrecked by the murder of his father.  In comes Rey.  Rey, who was much more clearly abandoned by her family, who doesn’t seem to have had a friend in her life till Finn came along, who lived for years on a junkyard of a desert planet in the hopeless hope that her family might come back for her. Ben’s loneliness and Rey’s loneliness are not the same, but the feelings in both are deep and for better or worse are integral to the patterns of their hearts.  

What happens then, in The Last Jedi?  The Force bond between the two manifests, Rey sees Ben and shoots him immediately.  She still remembers their last meeting, still remembers her hurt friend brother5ever Finn, still remembers Han Solo falling. She sees Ben’s crimes and is righteously disgusted by them.  But then. Then she calls Ben a monster, for he has done monstrous acts, and this time, does Ben pull off a helmet, or try to pull aside some other veil, does he protest and say no, no, you and I are alike, I am not Other from you?  He does not. Instead, he says, “Yes, I am.”  YES I AM.  Do you even realize what this means?  Ben is no longer trying to lie to Rey or himself, to deny that he is in the right, that his actions are not dark.  He killed his father, and he knows he is a monster for it, and he is not going to say he is a human like Rey because she has never done anything as terrible as that, and though he is lonely he will not compare the two anymore.

BUT REY IS TAKEN ABACK AGAIN!  In TFA, when Ben removed his helmet, Rey was surprised to see he looked very hot just like any other man, that his soul did not reflect in his looks.  It gave her pause.  And now, when Ben says, yes he is a monster, that gives Rey pause again. I think this is because, when we are talking about humans and monsters, real monsters, a monster always denies he is one, and probably even believes that (or is at least perfectly content as such), but humans still have the capability to understand they have committed terrible wrongs, and to feel such a guilt that they do believe themselves to be monsters after all.  Basically, the second Ben declares himself a monster is the moment that Rey realizes he is not one.  

Oh my gosh now I get to write about the hand-touching scene!!!  

Okay here is the thing. Rey is lonely, Ben is lonely.  Both are going through some stuff right now. (Ben is all like, yup I killed my dad, how do I repress my guilt so I don’t drown in it; Rey is like yeah now I remember my family abandoned me, and they are never coming back).  Force bond visions ensue, and Rey and Ben are sitting over a cozy fire in Rey’s hut and Rey, who not long ago was ready to slice Ben into shreds with her lightsaber, is now confiding in him, spilling her deepest insecurities.  She feels so alone, so lost, the one thing she has held on to for all her life is now gone forever, mist blown away a hot sun, and what is her future to be like when Luke is not the teacher she wanted?  And Ben, for all his issues, with a soul desperate and broken, sees Rey’s pain and blurts out this most compassionate line:  “You’re not alone.”  He cannot bear to see her in pain, because he knows what it feels like.  He knows what it would mean to him to have someone standing at his side, and he offers his presence and loyalty and support to Rey. AND SHE SAYS IT RIGHT BACK.  “Neither are you.”  AND THEN REY HOLDS OUT HER HAND!  AND BEN TAKES OFF HIS GLOVE AND IS LITERALLY SHAKING AS HE EXTENDS IT TOWARD HER!!!  AND THEY TOUCH THEIR HANDS TOGETHER WHAT POETRY

AAH MY HEART

These two lonely souls, sitting in darkness and light, in fire and shadow, sharing their hurts and fears, offering each other comfort, because both have known suffering, because both care about the well-being of each other’s heart and soul—it’s so beautiful.

Where am I going with this? Ah yes.  The healthy growth of relationships.  Love.  Reylo starts out in uncertainty or even fear, in misunderstanding who the other person is, in holding the other person up as either a monster to be defeated or as some perfect light to heal all wounds.  Neither of these are true.  But there is an attraction (and a repulsion) there nonetheless, and in The Last Jedi that attraction and repulsion balance out just enough so that Ben and Rey can converse with each other without the danger of Rey suddenly killing Ben.  (Thank the Force!)  

As time goes on and Ben and Rey learn more about each other, they discover how lonely they are, and shared feelings and compassionate hearts mean that they both long for the other to stand by their side.  Their love is ridiculously powerful and beautiful and it makes me want to cry.  Even still, this love has not grown into what it needs to be.  Because true love means wanting the best for the other person, and doing what is best for the person no matter the cost.  And guess what?  That can be a hard thing.  Look, Rey and Ben are both absolutely convinced that the other person loves them sooooo very much that they will leave behind whatever they have—the First Order, Snoke, the Resistance, friends.  Part of that is because they also know how lonely they both are, and how wonderful it would be not to feel like that ever again.  Thus, Rey ships herself right off to Ben, confident he will turn, and he is happy to see her, confident she will turn.

But it has to be so much more than that.  Love is about compassion and sacrifice, and Ben does kill Snoke for Rey’s sake, and this is the start of his redemption I believe, but even though he gives up the part of himself that is the most important to who he is at the moment, changing himself irrevocably, taking the first steps to freedom, but he still does not give up Everything.  I think he thought that would be enough for Rey, killing the fearsome monster who ruled him and threatened her, but it isn’t and it shouldn’t be.  It is not enough to give up sin, one must then act virtuously.  Ben is mistaken, therefore, to assume that Rey will join him now.

However, Rey is mistaken as well.  The thing with Rey (which I absolutely love) is that she throws herself headlong into things with such passion.  As much as she despised Ben before, she loves him now—no she loves him a thousand times more, because love is so much more powerful than hate.  But she gets ahead of herself, or rather, Ben.  Because as soon as she sees Ben turn back to the light, sees him destroy Snoke, the image of darkness, she asks him to run headlong into the sunlight.  

Here is the thing though, redemption is not the flip of a switch but the climbing of a staircase up a mountain.  Ben has made the right initial choice, has taken his first steps, but he is carrying a lot of baggage, guilt for the past, fear of the future, uncertainty of the present. He has been manipulated into believing in the strength of darkness for so long that it is going to take some time for him to pick apart the tangled threads of his soul, to understand what he must do and how he should think and act and love.  It is unrealistic (though hopeful and endearing) for Rey to believe that Ben can suddenly be a perfectly good man, the most excellent form of himself. It is hard for even a very good person to make hard decisions like Ben has to make, and Ben’s soul is damaged in countless ways, his mind a tattered blanket that Snoke liked to tear and cut up into jagged pieces.  It is going to take time for Ben to progress, to walk beside Rey everywhere she goes.

In the end, I am so thrilled with how Reylo unwound in The Last Jedi.  Ben is traveling on the road to redemption, inspired by Rey but ultimately not saved by her.  He must save himself, though he may lean on her for support.  For now, Rey is disappointed in him, frustrated with him (and no doubt with herself for failing), but it would be foolish to say she no longer loves him or feels compassion for him.  Yes, she shut the door on him, left with the Resistance, but she was obviously in pain then and later as well, when she is on the getaway ship.  She is still lonely, and now more so than ever because the man who understood the pain in her heart is not yet able to understand what he must do to lessen the pain in his own heart.  And Ben...well Ben is probably still kneeling in that cave frozen in lonely despair because he just f— I mean he......he.... OH FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN WE’RE JUST GONNA SAY IT LIKE THIS: HE DONE MESSED UP!!!

Or maybe he has set his jaw, drawn back his shoulders, and taken that next step.  They say that the first step toward the light is the hardest, but maybe it is the second—the thrill of taking a new path has vanished, and now remains the strain of holding his course, of working through whatever pain he must suffer on the road to redemption...