#i turned 51 a month ago today

[poppadom0912]

Dr Dean Reybold

Warnings: Cancer, chemotherapy, hospitals, evil doctors

Summary: Unfortunately for you, some cancers are genetic. Also unfortunately for you, some doctors don't have good intentions.

A/N: Based on Season 1, episode 5 of Chicago Med (Malignant) and Season 3, episode 10 of Chicago pd (Now I'm God).

So I had this idea towards the beginning of when I first started watching pd and I am not kidding when I say this has been sitting in my drafts for over two years now. I thought I'd finally get to finishing it after a really good day today since the fic I posted like 2 days ago wasn't that nice. Hope you enjoy!!

When your mother died from cancer, it took a toll on your entire family. Everyone was struggling to grieve and the emptiness she left behind was unsettling. Even now, the empty chair at the dining table looked so wrong.

So when you were diagnosed with ovarian cancer seven months ago, you felt extreme deja vu. Life was repeating itself again and nothing good was going to come out of it.

While at work, your patient got a little violent and when you woke up, your dad and Erin were at your bedside. They were in the middle of a case when Hank was suddenly called, being told by Sharon that you were hurt.

Luckily, several tests and scans later, you were perfectly fine, coming out with nothing but a concussion.

Alas, your body seemed to hate you because fast forward two months later and you found yourself in a private doctors office, the man confirming you had ovarian cancer.

Looking your dad in the eyes that night, mustering up everything in you to tell him you had the exact same thing that killed your mother; you could see the world fall apart in his eyes all over again.

From that day on, you did your chemotherapy while going to work. Being a psychiatrist, it didn't entail much physical work and your hours were decreased due to manage your treatment.

But the cancer got worse, that's what your doctor said at least. You probably would've gotten your treatment done at Med since they were renowned for their chemo regimens and it would've been more convenient.

But your doctor was the man that treated your mother. Seven months into your treatment and you found it a little difficult to leave.

*****

So, it was just another day at work.

You near threatened Doctor Charles to allow you to take his place as the psychiatrist for the ED and after lots and lots of convincing, he caved but with the conditions: you took regular breaks, everyone kept an eye on you, don't take such a big load, update him often and not to turn Sharon away when she to check on you.

There was a sudden influx of patients due to a fire and you were finally able to help after Maggie stopped being so annoying very, constantly hovering over you when she wasn't with a patient.

This wasn't anything abnormal - the injured people - but what was weird was the lingering members of firehouse 51 and the arrival of Jay.

In one of the spinning chairs, you pushed yourself over to the group of people huddled at the front desk, curious to what was up and needing to do something after sitting duck for half an hour now.

"Oooh, what's this?" You looked at the zip lock bag in wonder, only opening it when Jay gave you the okay, nodding his head with a smile at your presentable face.

The last time he saw you, you were a struggling mess at your dad's having come back from getting treatment.

After explaining briefly, you gladly opened the bag and scanned the items. While flicking through receipts, you could hear Erin stop in front of you, letting the three of you know it was looking like a suicide. Giving you and Erin some time, Jay and Kelly gave their goodbyes and went back to their respective jobs.

"You look much better." Erin looked you up and down, noticing that your skin was still quite pale, the bags under your eyes were still there even with the makeup and you were wearing your usual bandana, a staple since the hair loss started kicking in.

"Well thank you very much." You said truthfully despite some part of you believing that she was lying and you looked worse than you did the last time she visited you. "How are you?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Erin asked, smiling as she watched you skim over the few items she had no interest in. "I'm fine, everyone's fine. This seems pretty simple which is good, less work for us."

You hummed nonchalantly, her words going through one ear and out the other. "Do you mind if I give these to Dr Charles? I want to get his opinion real quick."

"Sure." Your sister in everything but blood shrugged her shoulders, seeing no harm in getting another opinion. "Just don't lose anything, yeah?"

"Ha ha, very funny." You said smiled sarcastically, rolling your eyes at her undertone as you rolled your chair away to find the head of psychiatry.

*****

It had been a few hours later. The fire incident from earlier was no longer at the forefront of your mind as you busied yourself with your actual patients. Doctor Charles was back in the ED and you had several meetings scheduled.

Signing off a treatment sheet for some new medications, the silence of the psychiatric ward was interrupted by heavy feet rushing towards you.

Looking up, your were caught off guard. You were not expecting to see your dad and Erin again till later in the evening for dinner.

And by the looks on their faces, this wasn't going to be a happy little visit.

In fact, your dad looked conflicted. A myriad of emotions painting his face, so many that you started to get scared. You hadn't seen him look like this since-

"Dr Dean Reybold. He's your doctor right?" Your dad asked, skipping past any pleasantries.

You felt time slowing, almost struggling to hear what he was asking.

You could only nod.

You felt like a child again being scolded watching how he reacted. It was like you had hurt him. Watching him try to compose himself made you want to be sick.

When your dad looked back at you, his eyes bright in unshed tears, you felt your heart stop.

*****

It was a lie.

All of it, everything. It had all been a lie.

It felt like going through the five stages of grief, grappling with the news and the reality of this situation.

You along with way too many women had been lied to and deceived. In your most vulnerable positions, you had all been manipulated just for his selfish, disgusting needs.

At your most emotional, he lied. He used your personal connections, your past with your mother. What a sick sick bastard.

Sitting on a bed at Med, Natalie showing you your test results, you didn't even have it in you anymore to cry. You were just so tired.

Going back home to your dad, you felt like a little girl again. You felt like that five-year-old who would lie about her nightmares just so she could sneak into her parents bed and sleep with them.

His arms opened up instantly and you didn't need anymore prompting. Dragging your feet towards the couch, you sat and folded yourself up, tucking your feet under yourself as you tried to hide and make yourself invisible in your fathers embrace.

Closing your eyes, you told him the news, the inevitable that you both had been dreading. Deep down, some sick part of you wished to have cancer just so that you could feel better, just to not feel like a victim who was a ploy for some psychopath.

His arm squeezed you as your voice became breathy, words shaking as all the emotions all came crashing down once again.

You had been crying way too much recently.

The plans for the future were still a little blurry and you weren't too sure how you were going to cope. Your body needed to heal and go back to being its usual healthy, as if you and so many other women hadn't had chemo and unnecessary radiation pumped into your body for no reason at all.

You had met all the women at the court hearing, seeing just how many women and families he had hurt just like yours.

And for once, being a psychiatrist didn't feel like the most important thing.

You were struggling to grapple with your emotions but the easiest part of it was being a helping hand to them. Perhaps it made you feel better to help the other women, trying to help them mentally when you can't physically.

And your dad and Erin were your biggest supporters like always.

This had brought back so many memories from the past that it was almost too painful to recollect, especially considering you were now at the forefront of the exact same event.

You weren't too sure what the healing and recovery process was going to look like - that's what scared you the most.

But the most reassuring part was that the sick 'doctor' wasn't going to do anymore harm and you had the best family supporting you every single step of the way.

[magicshopaholic]

Moving On (Namjoon x OC)

Summary: BTS performs in Amsterdam and Namjoon invites you to the afterparty.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Genre: Angst, smut

Word count: 8.2K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, angst, sex, nudity, making out, fingering, cumming, arguing,

A/N: Takes place a little over a month after Final Destination.

Tagging: @bbl32, @quarter-life-crisis2,  @margopinkerton, @faearchives,  @whoisbts, @purpleseoul7, @sumzysworld, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)

Listen to: "where does the good go" by tegan and sara

namjoon masterlist | main masterlist

Joon [13:45] Did you get the email from Big Hit?

Kaya [13:50] Yes

Joon [13:51] The number at the end is their London office. They’ve been briefed already and have additional security available for all European locations.

Kaya [13:54] Okay

There’s a break in the chat here. Kaya stares at the time stamp, trying to picture him scrambling to find something else to say.

Joon [14:15] The company managed to track down the account that uploaded the video. Account has been taken down and they’ve sued for invasion of privacy.

Kaya [14:20] Okay 

Joon [14:22] They’ve also offered to add damages to the suit, in case we want that. Do you?

Kaya [14:25] Not really

Joon [14:26] Okay then

Another break. Kaya scans the time stamps again, even though she’s memorised it by now. She remembers the three dots indicating him typing, seeing them appear and disappear over and over again. 

Joon [14:40] How are you?

Kaya [14:45] Fine

Joon [14:46] How‘s work?

Kaya [14:48] Fine

Joon [14:50] Kaya I’m trying

Kaya [14:51] Class starting, got to go

He hadn’t responded and she hadn’t expected him to. Four days post break-up hadn’t been nearly long enough for her to let go of her anger but now, four weeks in, it’s only been replaced with an equal amount of sadness and longing.

Every conversation has been exactly this terse and abrupt, the last one being a week ago. It had appeared when she’d been teaching an elective class and it had taken every ounce of her will to not check it until the class ended. As it turned out, she couldn’t even think of a decent response to it.

“How can he possibly think of asking me this?” Kaya mutters, earphones in as she walks home. It’s dusk, a gorgeous time of the day, but she holds no appreciation for it right now.

“Wouldn’t it be worse if he didn’t ask?” Dilara asks reasonably. She’s in her car by the sound of it, a low hum audible of whichever fancy car of hers she’s decided to take out today.

Kaya swallows, pondering this. It might be, but it doesn’t address the problem she’s too embarrassed to voice out loud: it should be harder for him to ask. The thought that he might not be taking this break-up as hard as she is kills something inside of her, as if she’d misunderstood everything in the last three years. 

Her strategy to save herself from hearing the truth had been to distance herself from everyone, including Yoongi, who had texted her out of the blue one day to ask her if she was okay (she hadn’t responded); Seokjin, who seemed to skirt the topic altogether and sounded as though he was speaking to someone very sick; and especially Dilara, who Kaya knew would be the only one with the capacity to ask insightful questions that she herself was too afraid to.

“It’s just… strange,” is all she can manage. “He hopped on a flight, shot a few emails, came over and broke up with me and then went right back to his schedule, all in one day. And now he's inviting me to a party?"

“After-party, so it won’t be, like… crazy,” Dilara clarifies. “And the concert before it.” 

“I’m definitely not going to his concert.”

“Of course not,” she agrees breezily. “I wouldn’t expect you to. But the party… I mean, it’s a good thing, isn’t it? He doesn’t want you to be strangers.”

Kaya slows down as she approaches the river. She’s taken the long route home today - anything to prolong the commute before another night in her tainted apartment with memories on every surface.

“I don’t know if I want to see him.” I don’t know if I can. “He wants to see me, though, apparently,” she states after a moment.

Dilara doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “I mean -“ She begins before pausing, then trying again. “I’m sure it’s going to be torture for him to see you. But even that’s better than not seeing you.”

Kaya doesn’t even realise she’d been holding her breath; she exhales as slowly as possible so as to not make a sound, both at Dilara’s words as well as her answering the unasked question.

She doesn’t respond immediately, though. Now that they’re down this route of addressing concerns she’s been harbouring in her heart for weeks, Kaya feels the rest of them on the verge of tumbling out of her mouth.

"You've seen him a bit these last couple of months,” she ventures, lowering her voice and leaning backwards against the railing overlooking the river. “Does it seem like he misses me at all?"

Dilara hums, a little too knowingly for Kaya’s liking. “Of course, he does. He’s not the most expressive when it comes to his feelings but aside from Tae last year, I don't think I've met a more miserable person."

Kaya waits for the swell of happiness or relief at this news, but all it brings with it is a new wave of anger and frustration.

“Thanks.”

"Look, speaking from experience, it's not easy seeing your ex after a difficult break-up,” says Dilara, sighing. “But sometimes you don't realise just how much you needed to see them until you see them, even if it's just to gain some closure."

Closure. It sounds… final. Kaya can’t picture it, being virtual strangers eventually, just bits of each other’s past. Ex-boyfriend, girl of his dreams, the one that got away. She hates all those words because they just don’t apply, not really. They can’t.

She closes her eyes and presses the heel of her palms into them to intercept the wetness forming, not caring that Dilara is still on the other end of the line. She and Namjoon had stood right here, years ago, living in the bliss of a new couple in fresh love. He’d brought her a bunch of tiny yellow flowers from the park, part-cheesy and part-genuine, eyes twinkling and dimples soft.

Kaya squeezes her eyes shut at the memory, terrified at how the edges of it are already blurring. 

“I don’t think I’ll go,” she murmurs, opening her eyes to stare at the ground. “I can’t.” 

“Are you sure?” Dilara sounds slightly surprised.

“Yeah. Two days from now is… it’s too soon. I’ll either cry or yell or… I don’t know. It’s too hard.”

“Oh.” She’s quiet for a few seconds. “Okay. If you’re sure. Let me know if you want to get together on Sunday,” she adds. “Brunch or something.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

—

The next day, Kaya is in the library again, grading papers and wishing she could go back to being a grad student who’s biggest problem was a pop quiz. She’s deliberately chosen a table at the back, away from where the students generally sit, which is why she looks up in surprise when someone comes to her table.

“H-hi, Kaya.” The student waves rests one hand on the back of an empty hair and waves hesitantly with the other.

“Um… hi.” Kaya tries not to frown too conspicuously, for she’s sure she knows this girl. 

Svetlana. Savannah. 

“Elena, right?”

“Yeah,” she answers with a nervous smile. “Um… are you busy?”

Kaya glances at the stacks of papers, books and laptop on the table. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Okay. Well… I just wanted to say hi.”

Kaya nods awkwardly and forces a small smile on her face. “Hi.”

Elena nods, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looks like she’s about to leave but at the last moment, sits down at the table. Kaya feels her smile fade for she really, really wants to be alone right now.

“How - how are things going?” She sounds nervous - extremely so. She seems to be fidgeting slightly and constantly touching her hair. 

“Great,” says Kaya shortly, going back to her paper and hoping she’ll take the hint. “You?”

“Not bad, overall. I guess. Classes are hard and mid-terms are coming up as well…” Elena trails off. “Any plans for the weekend?”

Trying not to sigh, Kaya shakes her head. “Not really. You?”

“Well… I’m going to a concert tomorrow,” she answers hurriedly, and it’s clear that she’s been waiting to divulge this information, oblivious to how Kaya’s heart stops. “It should be fun. Do - do you listen to BTS?”

An unexpected notification from this morning floats into her kind. BTS continues their Europe leg by arriving in Amsterdam, ready to kick off the summer in style!

“No,” she answers truthfully.

“Oh.” Elena is quiet for a moment. “They’re really… good.” 

There’s some awkward silence during which Kaya deliberately writes comments on the paper she’s grading, scratching the pen on the paper and wishing Elena would leave.

“It’ll be good to get out of campus. The people here are kind of intimidating. The parties are pretty wild, too,” she murmurs after a moment, sounding uncomfortable.

Kaya nods absently, uncharacteristically satisfied with the knowledge that she might be intimidating this unwanted guest. “Maybe you’re going to the wrong parties,” she offers.

Elena lets out a nervous laugh again. “Maybe. I never see you at them, though. There’s one, tonight, in the common room. Maybe you could come,” she suggests lightly. “Bring a friend or - or your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she answers flatly, not looking up.

“You - oh.” There’s a note of surprise in her voice. “Oh,” she repeats, this time seemingly to herself. “Are you sure?” she blurts out.

Kaya’s eyes snap up to glare at her. “Pretty sure.”

Elena’s eyes widen. “Oh, of - of course,” she stutters. “Sorry, that - that was a stupid question. Sorry.” She swallows and looks at her lap.

Kaya closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, immediately feeling guilty for snapping at an innocent bystander in this situation. “Elena, I… I really need to get these papers done,” she tells her, her voice one of forced calm. “So…”

The blonde finally seems to understand and awkwardly stands up. “Okay. Um, see you around,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear again. 

Kaya nods as she leaves, Namjoon’s invitation swimming in her mind tantalisingly. She can’t ignore it anymore, the fact that they’re in the same city, her city. If she’s not wrong, he’ll do the concert tomorrow night, the group will probably stay the night and depart by Sunday afternoon or evening and she will probably never see him again.

She attempts to continue grading the paper she was working on when Elena interrupted, but when she finds herself reading the same stupid sentence for the fourth time without retaining anything, she begins packing up, ready to head home.

—

Joon [18:42] Hope to see you there tonight

Kaya, with a loss as to how to respond to this, simply did not. She can’t imagine he would be texting her during his concert, but she also knows he has before, if the situation was urgent enough to demand it. 

She straightens the black dress against her hips and tilts her head at her reflection. It’s a simple dress, plain black, form-fitting and reaching below her knees, but it’s quite possibly the most gorgeous, sexiest dress she owns. 

If she and Namjoon were together, she would have worn it tonight with no hesitation because it would have driven him insane. After weeks of being apart, seeing her in this dress would have rendered him incapable of staying in work mode without dirty texts, flirty touches and eyes from across the room undressing her. Even now, with a bare face, her hair tied into a loose bun and no footwear, the dress is a game-changer.

She gives herself a few moments to imagine this paradise, one that might have come true tonight had she never told him about the break-in. Then, she silently unzips the dress and climbs out of the black fabric pooled around her feet. Tucking it back into her closet, she looks for something else.

Dilara [18:50] In case you change your mind, sharing the location here [Location]

Dilara’s text had come minutes after Namjoon’s, and Kaya has to imagine it was a genuine coincidence. Although she’d replied to neither, it was the second text that caused her to change her mind - that, and the lingering fear that if she didn’t go today, she didn’t know how either of them would be able to maneuver a situation to see each other again.

The concert should end in a little over an hour. Her phone pings again and she groans, for she doesn’t think she can take any more of their unsubtle attempts at convincing her to go tonight. It’s not Namjoon or Dilara, though, but Adam Fischer, her thirty-something thesis advisor, asking if she wants to discuss the coming week’s class schedule tonight.

Kaya shakes her head as she types out a reply (Sorry, I can’t tonight. Will set up a meeting for first thing Monday if that’s okay?), a little rueful. Namjoon heavily disliked Adam, despite having no concrete reason for doing so. He’d always suspected Adam of having feelings for her, even though Adam hadn’t said or done anything to make her think he might. Part of her wonders if she could somehow ditch the party for this meeting and still make sure that the news travelled to Namjoon through the grapevine (Dilara), and if that would still piss him off even now.

She immediately cringes at the pettiness of it, however, sending her reply to Adam and heading into the shower.

The party is at the rooftop restaurant of the hotel next to the concert venue, and presumably where BTS is staying while in Amsterdam. It isn’t as crowded as she was anticipating, although the music is fairly loud. It looks more like a fancy houseparty, and even a few seconds in, Kaya can spot a handful of vaguely famous people in attendance. She looks around for a familiar face, preferably Dilara or Yoongi or one of the younger boys, wishing she’d called ahead and trying not to think about the fact that in spite of not RSVP-ing, her name was on the guest list.

She takes another hesitant step in and audibly sighs when she spots Taehyung, who, for reasons best known to himself, has accessorised his outfit with an ascot. He seems to be in an animated conversation with Jungkook, while standing in between them and facing ahead, with loose curls tumbling down her shoulders and looking slightly bored, is…

“Kaya!”

Dilara’s mouth forms her name over the music as she brushes past her boyfriend and his friend and hurries towards Kaya, looking both happy and relieved to see her. “You look hot!” she exclaims when she reaches her.

“Oh -” Kaya looks down self-consciously; she’d settled for a straight strapless top and jeans, unable to justify dressing sexier without seeming like she was trying too hard for her ex-boyfriend. “Thanks. And you look…” She frowns slightly at Dilara’s mini-dress and go-go boots, with a slightly out-of-place gold ring hanging around her neck. “... like Daphne Blake.”

Dilara’s face visibly falls. “I look like a cartoon character?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.

“Well, a very pretty cartoon character,” she adds quickly. “Especially with the headband. But… why?”

She rolls her eyes. “Taehyung picked it - but I’m sure it’s not because of Daphne Blake.” Spotting Kaya’s confused expression, she shrugs sheepishly. “We got into an argument yesterday about who has better taste, so we decided to go shopping at The Nine Streets and pick each other’s outfits for tonight.”

Kaya raises her eyebrows, something seemingly clicking into place. “So the ascot is your doing?”

“M-hm.” She nods in satisfaction before her eyes widen. “Oh, hey! An ascot - like Fred!” She lets out a low whistle at this realisation and laughs, while Kaya nods knowingly, feeling the urge to smile for the first time in what feels like weeks. “Not planned but zero regrets. I wonder if Tae knows that - oh.”

Kaya cuts her off mid-sentence with a hug, suddenly immensely grateful for Dilara. She can’t remember the last time she’d let anyone into her life this much with the exception of Namjoon; but just maybe, when she’d been happy with him and her guard had been lowered, Dilara had slipped in without warning as well.

She tightens her arms around Kaya and rubs her back. “It’s good to see you, too,” she says, sounding part-surprised and part-delighted. “It’s been a while but I promise that we will still - oh, hey.” The change in tone is abrupt. “Incoming.”

By the way her voice immediately lowers, Kaya is sure she knows what Dilara is referring to. Her heart beating a mile a minute, she pulls away from the hug and turns as casually as she can.

Her first thought is that he looks thinner - visibly so. Well, he’s on tour, says a voice in her head but Kaya suspects that’s not the only reason, for he’d been on tour when he’d broken up with her as well.

His hair is a silvery blond, looking almost metallic; dressed simply in a black T-shirt and  jeans, he runs a hand through his hair so it falls gracefully around his face as he approaches her, his face unreadable.

“Hi,” he says, and it sounds like all the breath has been let out of him with just one word. He swallows and straightens his shoulders, a small smile appearing on his face, the dimple faintly visible. “It’s good to see you, Kaya.”

Kaya nods, unable to speak and overcome with a sudden urge to cry. “You, too,” she murmurs, glancing at the floor and blinking rapidly before looking back up at him, a bit defiantly.

“I’m glad you decided to come.”

She nods again, her chest twisting at how normal he sounds. He’s standing far away from her as well, as though to make it clear in every way possible that they’re not together. 

“Hope you had a good concert,” she ventures, recalling the grad student who’d accosted her yesterday, practically beside herself at attending a BTS concert. “Backstage must have been hectic.”

A flicker of something appears in his eyes for a moment, possibly with memories of backstage. Wishes of luck, last minute hugs, sweaty and passionate kisses fueled by adrenaline. But it disappears instantly and Kaya wonders if she imagined it.

“It was,” he answers, nodding. He slides his hands into his pockets smoothly, leaning back on his heels and his smile widening a little. “But worth it as always. The crew did well.”

Kaya doesn’t even bother nodding this time; all of a sudden, she regrets coming here tonight. Dilara has left, she just realises, and Namjoon is acting like they’re acquaintances at best, making her feel stupid and yet immensely grateful that she didn’t wear the sexy black dress.

At that moment, his eyes flicker to something behind her. “I’m sorry, I just need to go and say hi to a couple of people. But enjoy your night. It’s an open bar,” he adds, smiling and nodding politely before brushing past her and walking away.

Kaya doesn’t move; she doesn’t think she can. Something heavy feels like it’s settled on her chest, the weight of confusion, disbelief and crushing disappointment threatening to suffocate her. She has no idea what she’d been expecting; maybe arguing, fighting, crying together again - but not him not caring. Not this.

Namjoon continues walking in the opposite direction for as long as he can keep Kaya in his peripheral vision, both guilty and relieved when she doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t think he can look her in the eye if she does, witness the pain and hurt in her face that close.

He catches Seokjin’s eye and hurries over to him. Seokjin raises his eyebrows and seems to guess what might have transpired, ushering him over to the other end of the circular bar and out of Kaya’s line of sight.

“How did it go?”

Namjoon rests his palms on the bar and shakes his head, no words coming to him at the moment and feeling like he could throw up. He can’t fathom how he did it, how he stood there before her and didn’t immediately pull her to him, or break down and ask her to forgive him for doing the only thing he knew to do.

“Drink this.” Seokjin slides a glass to him and Namjoon takes it without hesitation, taking a huge gulp and waiting for it to sting his sinuses. 

“This is water,” he states hoarsely, frowning at the glass.

“Cold water,” corrects Seokjin. “It’ll help clear your head.”

Namjoon takes another sip and places the glass down, dropping his head into his hands. “I can’t do this. How do I tell her I can’t do this? How do I ask her to -“ But he breaks off here, his mind swimming with the sight of her bare shoulders and exposed collarbones, imagining how they would feel if he held her.

“Okay.” Seokjin exhales through his nose and pauses. “Look, I have to ask. You’ve seen the state she is in. And you’re…” He struggles for a moment “...like this. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to ask her to get back -“

“No.” The answer is instant, although it’s partly a habit by now. As he does every time his mind tries to convince him otherwise, Namjoon forces the memory of her phone call to the forefront of his mind, the fear in her voice and  devastation on her face when he’d entered her apartment.

“But maybe this is -“

“No.” 

Seokjin is silent and Namjoon can tell that he doesn’t approve. Please don’t ask me again, hyung. He doesn’t know if he did the right thing by inviting her but he couldn’t imagine not doing it either, not being right here in her city, knowing she was so close that he could almost smell the coconut and vanilla in the air and still not see her in the flesh.

“If you’re sure,” says Seokjin at last. “If you are, then I guess you did well. Just… just be normal around her. Keep a normal distance, talk about normal things and…” He half-shrugs, sounding uncertain. “She’s smart. She’ll understand. If you’re sure you want to do this, then… she’ll get it.”

Normal. Namjoon knows what he means, but he wants to tell him that none of this is normal. Not touching her, not being honest with her, not being with her - none of it is normal. 

“She’s talking to Yoongi right now,” he adds, and Namjoon turns to see them near the stairs to the top floor. Kaya’s back is to him, her head lowered slightly and her thumbs hooked onto the back pockets of her jeans, the material hugging her hips and curving down her backside… He swallows and looks away.

“This is your chance,” says Seokjin. “Go and mingle. Let her see you moving on - even if you actually aren’t,” he clarifies quickly. “It won’t be pleasant but it might encourage her to do the same.”

Namjoon isn’t sure of the wisdom of this strategy but ever since the cause of his break-up had been revealed to the older members (and surely to Taehyung at least, by Dilara), he’d almost been relieved that he wouldn’t have to make every decision on his own.

He tries his best to navigate the party after that, making empty conversation with guests, using every bit of remaining energy and willpower to plaster a smile on his face. All the while, part of his attention is constantly on Kaya, registering her familiar figure alone at the bar as she nurses a beer, sometimes with Dilara. 

Be normal. Seokjin’s words start holding less and less meaning with every passing minute, especially when he spots Kaya having finished her drink and he’s struck with the sudden fear that she will leave the party. In an effort to be as normal as he can, Namjoon heads over to the bar where she’s scanning the life-size menu half-heartedly, arms folded across her chest.

“Like anything?” he asks humbly. Long Island Iced Tea or a Mai Tai - depends on the flavours. His heart jolts when she shoots him a doubtful look and doesn’t answer, almost as if she’s wary of talking to him. She leans over the bar and gives the bartender a smile that makes his heart drop, especially when he grins back.

“Komt de mai tai in mango?” she asks, half-pouting when he shakes his head. “Een biertje, alsjeblieft,” she says finally, taking her second beer and turning away from the bar.

Namjoon doesn’t remember ever feeling this distant from her. “I’m glad you came tonight,” he tries again, choosing to look at her even though she’s facing away.

Kaya nods, pursing her lips and looking ahead. “Yeah, you said that already.” But her voice trembles ever so slightly, or maybe he just knows her so well that he’s sure it’s not a case of her not wanting to look at him - she can’t look at him.

It’s all on him now. He started this; if there is any hope of them still staying in each other’s lives, it’s down to him to make it happen. 

“How’s your dissertation going?” he asks, hoping her work is a topic she might open up on.

She shrugs after a moment. “Off schedule,” she answers shortly. “A lot of variables hanging in the air.”

“Did you get into the research project you’d applied for?”

It’s momentary but it appears: the corner of her mouth tilts upwards. “Yeah,” she admits, finally looking at him, albeit hesitantly. “Guess I’ll have a lot more time to focus on it now,” she murmurs, the hint of a smile fading.

Namjoon’s heart sinks. She’s so angry with him; it’s palpable and not something he has ever been on the receiving end of. Her hand hangs by her side; his own itches to link his fingers with his, maybe tug her to him or lead her out of this stupid party where he can plead for her to just look at him.

“Well,” he says, then pauses. “I’m glad you could get the time off tonight. Must have been hard.”

“M-hm, not really.” She shakes her head. “Adam wanted to meet but I’ll probably catch up with him later,” she adds nonchalantly.

Namjoon nods, his hand tightening around his glass. He can’t tell if she’s trying to provoke him, for they do work closely; close enough that Adam’s intentions have always been a point of disagreement for them. He’d never been able to explain to her just how much he hated the way her advisor looked at her when she didn’t notice, how his hugs always lingered a moment too long or how he insisted on calling her late in the evenings to discuss work.

He’s distracted momentarily by Jungkook, who approaches them while bopping effortlessly to the music and stops in between them, turning to face in the same direction as Namjoon and Kaya. He’s definitely tipsy; the smile on his face is too big and he doesn’t seem to be reading the room at all.

“Dilara is a really good dancer, isn’t she?” he says loudly in English to no one in particular. Namjoon frowns and follows his gaze to see Dilara, Taehyung and Hoseok dancing, before turning back to look at Jungkook. On his other side, Kaya is also frowning at him, tilting her head curiously. Their eyes meet and she raises her eyebrows slightly.

Namjoon fights a smile as Kaya half-chuckles and looks away, his heart twisting with longing at how much he misses her. She looks so incredibly beautiful; his eyes sting when he realises that there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it.

“I’m gonna -“ He gestures vaguely and walks away in the opposite direction, desperate to be anywhere but around her before his resolve breaks.

The next half hour is a flurry of faces; Namjoon distracts himself with every single individual at the party, making small talk and exchanging unfunny jokes and hyper aware of Kaya occasionally glancing at him.

He knows, because he’s watching her, too, doing his best to make sure she doesn’t see him looking. He can’t even help it; it’s almost muscle memory at this point.

“Who are you looking at?” The woman he’s talking to asks him point-blank.

Namjoon flushes, realising he’d been staring at Kaya over her shoulder while she’d been speaking.

“No one,” he answers quickly. “Sorry.”

The twenty-something woman frowns curiously. “Are you sure? I’m not offended.”

“It’s… nothing.” He shakes his head and looks at the floor. 

“Ex-girlfriend?”

Ex. Not trusting himself to speak, Namjoon nods. 

“Hm.” She hums, somewhat sympathetically. “Bad break-up?”

“Pretty bad.”

“I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “It’s never easy to be around an ex if it hasn’t ended well.”

“Yeah, well,” he says, desperate to change the topic. “All part of the process, right?”

“Right,” she says encouragingly. “Plus, once you’re past this phase, the one where you constantly want to die, you can begin the drink and eat and hook up as much as you want stage with no judgement.”

He chuckles politely, the prospect sounding horrendous. “Thanks. Feels good to laugh for real.”

She smiles wider and, before he knows it, leans forward and presses a kiss against his lips.

It takes Namjoon a couple of seconds of pure shock before he jumps backwards. “Whoa. What -“ His heart races uncomfortably. “What was that?”

“Sorry,” she says slowly, looking a little confused. “I thought… you wanted to make your ex jealous. Isn’t that where you were going with this?”

“No,” he clarifies immediately. “No. Absolutely not. I don’t want to - no.” In the midst of his minor crisis, he notes how the woman looks almost mortified.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s fine,” he cuts her off, suddenly feeling horribly guilty. He looks up out of habit and sees, unmistakably, Kaya leaving the restaurant, her long dark hair and the shimmery dark blue of her top disappearing out the door.

—

The night has gotten chillier in the last couple of hours and the cool wind hits her bare shoulders the moment she steps out, but Kaya barely feels it. She’s not thinking right now; thinking is what’s got them here, thinking about everything and overthinking to the point of fleeing a restaurant.

“Kaya!” 

Her feet increase their pace automatically the same time her stomach flips, but he’s taller and faster and he reaches her before she can even reach the elevator.

“Kaya,” he repeats hurriedly, reaching and grabbing her elbow. “Wait, please. I’m sorry -”

“Why did you even invite me here?” she asks, cutting him off and turning around to face him. She’s so tired; she didn’t think break-ups could be this exhausting. “You’ve barely said anything to me. Was it to show me in person how you’re moving on? Because if that’s the case, then… message received.”

Namjoon shakes his head immediately; he looks exhausted as well, and Kaya is once again struck by how much thinner he is, overcome with a mixture of empathy and frustration at him. 

“That was not - I didn’t plan that,” he says, sighing. “I don’t even know who she is. She kissed me and it wasn’t… come on, does it look like I’m moving on?” he asks, raising his arms helplessly.

Kaya stares at him and then sighs, shaking her head. “Why did you invite me here?” she asks again, less defensive this time.

“Because I wanted to see you,” he says at once.

She stares at him. “Well, you’ve seen me,” she says, sniffing. “Can I go now?”

“Kaya…”

“What?”

Namjoon runs a hand through his hair, looking lost for words. “Please don’t -“ He breaks off abruptly before taking a step closer to her, his height both large and comforting. “I don’t want you to be sad. I’m sorry.”

Too late. “You’re not supposed to care how I feel. Not anymore.”

He lets out a humourless chuckle. “What?”

“We’re over.” She can hear the tremble in her voice as she crosses her arms across her chest again. “You said it yourself. You’re not supposed to care how I feel.”

“Really?” He narrows his eyes at her. “You think this break-up had anything to do with how I feel about you? You know as I do that it didn’t.” When she doesn’t answer, he sighs. “I did this because I care.”

“If you say so.”

He pokes his tongue into his cheek. “Are you deliberately trying to provoke me or something?”

“Provoke you into what?” she blurts out. “What - what is that you want, exactly? What do you want us to do? Just circle around in each other’s orbits for the rest of our lives, while still being - while still feeling the way we do?” she asks, avoiding her almost-slip of tongue. “We’re just supposed to stay not be together and still stay in each other’s lives? What - what do you want?”

Namjoon opens his mouth but falls silent; it’s clear he hasn’t thought that far ahead - or he can’t say it out loud. “I want…” He begins, before pausing and starting again. “I want… you to be happy,” he says eventually. “And safe.” 

She scoffs and he bristles. 

“I’m serious. I -” He breaks off when someone exits the restaurant, his gaze following them until they’re out of sight before he turns back to her. “This is hard for me, too, you know? Why is it so hard for you to believe I might want you to be happy?”

Kaya exhales but doesn’t answer, because it isn’t hard to believe, not even a little bit. It’s unfortunately the most believable thing he’s ever said to her which means she can’t even fight it.

“How?” she asks finally. “By moving on, like you were pretending to do?”

Namjoon bites his lip and his eyes glaze over, and she knows he’s picturing it. His eyes fall to the floor but he nods slowly anyway. “Yeah, I guess. As long as I don’t have to watch it,” he adds in a mutter.

It’s really over. Kaya feels her eyes well up. “Fine,” she answers quietly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find someone to move on with tonight.” She turns to leave but feels him stop her again. “What?” she snarls.

“Kaya, I -” The lift opens and a handful of people tumble out, holding merchandise and talking loudly. Namjoon’s eyes widen and he immediately grabs her arms and walks her back into a corner, just as the group turns into their corridor and towards the restaurant.

“What are you -”

But the second lift opens just then and they hear the sound of a second group of voices. Namjoon swears under his breath and pushes open a door behind her, walking her back further into the tiny dark room and letting the door swing shut behind him.

“What is wrong with -“

“It’s press,” he hisses, and she falls silent.

He peers out into the corridor through the small window in the door; there’s no light except for the bit through the window and from a skylight in the ceiling. Kaya can smell something vaguely citric that she decides is floor cleaner; they are in a janitor’s closet.

She and Namjoon are frozen in place, his hands still on her arms and hers on his torso to keep from losing her balance. It’s been a long time since they’ve been this close; it takes Kaya a few seconds to realise that the voices outside have disappeared, but he still hasn’t moved away.

Almost as if he’s subconsciously heard her, his thumbs stroke her arm once. The simple touch makes all the anger crumble away for a moment, especially now that it’s just them with the rest of the world shut outside. Kaya hesitates for a moment, then gently rests her forehead on his shoulder. Namjoon stiffens but a moment later, she feels his fingers tighten above her elbows, followed by him loosely enveloping her in his arms.

It seems cruel, almost, that the target of her anger and source of her comfort lie in the same person. It isn’t even a hug; it’s a moment of weakness at best, borne from his almost subconscious need to protect her. For the first time, Kaya wonders if she’s being unfair to him.

Resisting the temptation to wrap her arms around his waist, she steps away from him with difficulty, her back touching the wall. His arms fall from around her reluctantly, his expression resigned. It’s dark but she can see him more clearly than she has all night.

“This is a terrible idea,” she murmurs, echoing her words from a month ago. “The worst you’ve ever had.”

Namjoon exhales shakily but doesn’t argue. “I meant everything I said in that note,” he says, not even trying to hide the tremble in his voice anymore. “And I really do want you to be happy.”

The note. The one he’d kept on her bedside table when he’d left her apartment while she slept, the only thing of his that was left when she’d awoken, naked and alone. She’d only had the strength to read it once before she’d broken down and tucked it deep into her drawer, knowing the words would be etched in her memory.

“You know what will make me happy,” she whispers, looking at the ground. She feels him come closer to her, one hand hovering by her side as though unable to decide if she’d want her to touch him. 

He finally rests it lightly on her waist, moving it slightly upward as she looks up at him, her heart twisting at how he’s unable to meet her eyes. She places her hands on his face, thinking vaguely how much she misses seeing his dimple.

“Joon,” she whispers, waiting for him to nod once. “Look at me.”

Namjoon visibly swallows, gaze still fallen. “Kaya, I…”

“No,” she interrupts him. “Look at me.”

With what seems like an enormous effort, he meets her eyes. This is hard for me too, you know? 

She knows. Kaya strokes his cheekbones with her thumbs, her touch feather-light. “Kiss me,” she whispers. She touches her forehead to his and closes her eyes, hoping he’ll give in, for she can’t go further than this. 

His hand tightens around her waist, pressing her into the wall. Their lips brush momentarily and he shivers.

“Do it,” she urges, her voice barely audible now. “Kiss me.”

She feels his lips before she even registers him moving against her and she leans into it, feeling like she can breathe for the first time in weeks. Come back to me, she thinks desperately. Come back to where you belong.

It’s like he can hear her. Namjoon pulls away, one hand on the wall beside her face for support, the other holding her.

“Fuck,” he whispers, and it sends a jolt of anticipation through her heart. “I love you, Kaya,” he adds, voice full of emotion. Kaya nods, unable to speak, wishing he would meet her eyes. He moves his hands to her face and touches his forehead to hers again, swallowing.

Look at me.

But he doesn’t. “But you have no idea,” he continues, every word sounding like it's costing him effort, “how I felt when you called me that night. The things that went through my mind…” He sniffs, and Kaya’s heart sinks. “I can’t let that happen again baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

She can feel her face start to contort and she drops her hands from his shoulders, for she knows this part by heart. “Goodbye, Namjoon,” she mutters thickly, sliding out from between him and the wall. She pushes open the door and hurries out, leaving him behind.

—

When she hears the knock on her front door the next morning, Kaya is just about to step into the shower. She freezes and sighs, for she really, really needs this shower. She considers ignoring it but the knock sounds again and she groans, abandoning the activity of tying up her hair and letting it fall loose instead. 

Grabbing the old, threadbare robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, she pulls it around herself and shuffles to the front door. She peers through the peephole and her heart stops for a moment, but she steels herself and opens the door.

Namjoon stands before her, hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly hunched. “Hey. I just wanted to - oh, God,” he switches abruptly, his expression changing from vaguely apologetic to shocked, and he slips inside the apartment.

“What?” Kaya asks, taken off guard and stumbling backwards.

“You really opened the door wearing that?” he hisses, shutting the door behind him. “I could’ve been anyone!”

“I knew it was you,” she argues, tightening the belt around her waist and realising, for the first time, how short the robe is. But she isn’t about to admit that to him, especially not when he’s turned up unannounced and decided to begin his visit by berating her. She folds her arms across her chest. “What do you want, Namjoon?”

He hesitates, almost as though he’s just noticing how displeased she is. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking a bit ashamed. “I didn’t mean to… anyway,” he says quickly, wringing his hands and slipping them back in his pockets. “How are you?”

Kaya shrugs suspiciously. He looks remarkably different from where she’d left him last night, almost breaking down and apologising to her. Right now, he seems almost… calm. She can almost imagine that last night had been a slip-up of emotion, possibly due to tiredness and an open bar, whereas in the light of day, he’s back to being the responsible ex who’s fulfilling his obligations by checking up on her each day.

“I’m great.”

He nods after a moment, clearly not believing her. “Well, I came here because…” He sighs and a glimmer of last night’s emotion appears on his face. “I thought about what you said last night. And you were right.”

The jolt in her stomach is almost painful, but Kaya hangs on. If he was talking about what she thinks he is, he would be delivering it far more differently.

“We can’t keep doing this. I can’t expect you to keep doing this,” he adds. “Staying in this limbo, not knowing…” He bites his lip and lowers his gaze, removing his hands from his pockets. “You have every right to move on. I want you to - to be happy.”

Kaya licks her lips slowly. “This,” she says coldly, “could’ve been a text.”

“I didn’t want to leave things the way they were last night,” he tells her, his voice softer. “You’re, uh…” His voice breaks off for a moment. “You’re the love of my life. And we were together for a long time and I… I loved every moment of it. I just want to say goodbye the right way.”

Her throat hurts holding back the rush of emotion that threatens to overwhelm her. 

“Are you sure?” She can’t resist asking, in a whisper. When he nods and lowers his eyes, she feels the heavy, heavy anchor of acceptance settle in her stomach. 

Namjoon hesitantly reaches out with one hand but when she gives him a look, he nods and steps forward, and they meet in their last hug, three and a half years after their first last hug in her apartment.

Kaya hugs him tight, no longer caring about hiding how she feels. There isn’t enough time to try and memorise everything so she doesn’t even try; she just goes higher on her toes and presses her nose into his shoulder, revelling in his scent one last time.

Namjoon doesn’t seem to be doing much better. He’s holding her tight, so tight that it doesn’t seem like he’s ever intending on letting her go. His face is in her hair and his arms stroke her back in small movements, his go-to movement to comfort her since they met.

Just a few more seconds. The sensations increase now; the feel of his shoulders, his chest touching hers - and she’s suddenly conscious of the thin robe being the only thing separating her naked body from him.

At the same time, his hands move to her waist - out of habit, she knows, but she can’t help but be extremely aware of it. His hand stops just above the curve of her hips, quickly and abruptly. 

Her mouth feels dry, but her legs press together. Then, as though he can read her mind and the direction her thoughts are invariably leading in, against her hip, she can feel his body react.

She lets out a soft gasp and feels his body stiffen around her. This is goodbye, a voice reminds her, urging her brain to focus on the matter at hand. But it’s slipping - fading, almost, as a physical urge struggles for dominance. 

Her lips brush his neck as she pulls away - she has to pull away - but it doesn’t matter in the end because somewhere along the way his lips find hers and all thought disappears, replaced by touch, feel and hunger.

Namjoon sighs into her mouth like he’s breathing for the first time, pulling her close. Her robe starts to loosen and he tugs at the belt, groaning when his hands touch her bare skin.

“Fuck, are you really not wearing anything under this?” he murmurs, his voice so low and reverberating so deep inside her that she shivers.

The robe is off; it’s cool and sudden air, a moment where his hands fall from her waist and then their back but this time, it’s skin against skin. It’s lips and sighs and tight grips, the feel of denim, her fingers moving out of habit as they unbutton and unzip - and then there’s pride and relief when she feels his desire for her, still the same as ever, no matter his words.

There’s something solid against her back; somewhere, dimly, her mind registers that her dining table is rickety and has her laptop on it, and then she’s leaning forward and he’s behind her and his chest is against her back and he wants her just as much as he wants him.

“Are you -“

“I’m still on birth control,” she confirms tightly, the next moment feeling his fingers on her hips and then he’s inside her again, after so long. She could almost sob at how good it feels, how right, the lips on her shoulder and his scent and touch.

But it’s over too soon. She gasps and falls forward, her ears ringing and heart hurting at the same time as her heart races. He’s getting close, too; she tries to memorise it now, the exact moment, but then he pulls out. It’s sudden, the emptiness, but the next moment, she feels wetness on her back.

It takes around ten seconds, ten seconds when she’s frozen before she finally hears him sigh and take a step away. A moment later, she reaches across the table and pulls the tissue box towards her, reaching behind and wiping her back.

Kaya turns slightly to see him pulling on his T-shirt, jeans buttoned already. She picks up her robe and pulls it on hurriedly, suddenly not wanting to be naked for even another microsecond in front of him.

Something feels wrong. It’s not the first time he’s finished on her; he’s done it before, on explicit request and without, none of which ever made her feel… like this. Self-conscious. Bare.

Namjoon clears his throat. “I -“ He meets her eyes, still panting slightly. “I still want to… do this right,” he says, sounding almost formal. “Goodbye, Kaya.” 

He starts to take a step forward but pauses. “Maybe we shouldn’t hug,” he murmurs, offering her a small smile. Kaya watches as he hesitantly offers her a hand.

This is goodbye. Kaya can’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortable around him. The momentary loss of her sense of reason feels like it’s returned in full form, and she tightens the robe around her. She starts to reach for his hand but then stops.

“This is what you meant?” she asks quietly. “When you said you wanted to do it the right way? You wanted to see if you could squeeze in one last fuck before you closed this out like a business meeting?”

“What?” Namjoon’s eyes widen. “No! I didn’t - I didn’t want that to happen! I mean - you know that’s not what I meant,” he adds quickly. “I didn’t plan this. You and I both -“

“You planned our break-up and I had no idea,” she cuts him off, the shame and embarrassment creeping up her throat. “I really don’t know anymore.”

He scoffs, but his eyes flicker like he’s been stung. “Is that what you think of me? We were both here, Kaya. It wasn’t just me - you wanted this just as much as I -“

“I slept with Adam.” 

Namjoon freezes. He swallows and his eyes flicker again, rapidly this time. “You’re lying,” he whispers.

Kaya shrugs, holding his gaze with every last bit of willpower in her. “You were the one who told me to move on last night,” she reminds him, watching his expression crumble and doing nothing to stop it.

After what feels like several minutes, or maybe even hours, Namjoon nods slowly. Then, without another word, he turns around and opens the door, walking out of her life and shutting the door behind him.

—

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[themultifandomgal]

Kelly Severide- Finally

Kelly and I have been married for 3 years now. We met because of my brother Matt joining firehouse 51, then Kelly and I dated for many years before he proposed. Our wedding was a beautiful day and filled with so much love.

After a couple of years of marriage we decided that it would be time for us to start a family. Unfortunately this took a lot longer than expected. We even went to the doctors to find out if there was anything wrong. They just said that for some men and woman it can take longer and to come back in a year if we are still yet to conceive or if we struggle to carry full term.

Of course seeing negative after negative pregnancy test it really effects you mentally. So we stopped taking pregnancy tests so regular. We will only take one if I think I could be pregnant.

I wake up feeling off like I've drank to much. Headache and nausea. Rolling over I place my hand on Kelly's side of the bed, but I'm greeted by the bed being cold. That's when I remember that Kelly had to head off to work early this morning. I groan sitting up, my head spinning as I do, I swallow dryly feeling so ill. Slowly I crawl out of bed and go into the bathroom to get myself ready for the day. Thankfully I work from home so I don't have to go out anywhere.

I'm typing on my laptop when I have to quickly run to the bathroom to throw up. Which weirdly makes me feel immediately better. I clean my teeth getting rid of the nasty taste in my mouth and go back to my work.

I spend the next few hours working, but when my day of work ends I'm absolutely exhausted so decide to take a nap before Kelly comes back home.

This goes on for the next few days which does make me wonder if I could be pregnant. So while Kelly is at work I route around in one of the draws for some pregnancy tests that I bought months ago. When I find them I pee on the sticks and leave them on the back of the toilet before going back to work.

I forget about the tests for a couple of hours before I have to go to pee again. I pick them up not thinking that it will be positive, but when I see the little plus sign on all of the tests I am shocked. This is the first time I've ever gotten a positive pregnancy test, but still not wanting to get Kelly to excited I want to make sure that this is true. So that day I ring up my doctors and book an appointment for the next day. However I'm going to have to sneak out because Kelly is off.

The following day I wake up in Kelly's arms making me smile. I turn around to face him and brush some hair out of his face making him sigh and pull me closer

"Morning" he says in his gruff morning voice

"Morning" I reply placing a kiss on his lips "what have you got planned for today?" I ask

"I'm staying home and cuddling you all day. I've missed you" I giggle at his reply

"I've missed you to, but I've go a couple of jobs to do this morning"

"Like?"

"Well I have to go to the bank, then pop to the grocery store"

"I'll come with you"

"No" I say way to quickly causing Kelly to frown "I just mean it's going to be boring and you've been working really heard the past few days. Why don't you sleep in" Kelly frowns not buying what I'm selling

"What's going on?"

"Ok you caught me. I am actually getting you a surprise but I'm not telling you what it is so you'll have to wait"

"Ok? Why?"

"Will you stop asking me questions. Go back to sleep I won't be to long" I place a kiss on Kelly's lips before getting up and getting dressed.

So I'm pregnant! I run to the store and buy a gift bag, some dippers, wipes and baby bottles. I then head back home with all of the 'gifts' in the bag and head into the house

"I'm home!" I call out and Kelly is quick to greet me with a smile. He wraps me up in his arms causing me to giggle at his affection "go sit down for your surprise" he eagerly leaves my side and sits down on the couch still with a wide grin on his face "ok close your eyes" I say and he does. I place the bag on his lap and tell him to open. He puts his hand in and the first thing he pulls out are the packets of wipes

"Baby wipes? You trying to tell me to wipe my ass or something?"

"No. Keep going" next he pulls out the baby bottles. He frowns taking out the box of diapers. He looks at me still frowning, but a look of realisation crosses his face as I keep smiling at him

"Are you...? Are we...?"

"Yes. I'm pregnant" Kelly is up in an instant and spins me around then kisses all over my face

"I love you so much!"

"I love you to Kel"

"I'm going to be a dad"

"Yes you are. We're finally getting what we wanted"

[heeracha]

ep 51. / ep 52. — the one with the ending, but not the end of the line. / alt ending.

end of the line. — p. jongseong

synopsis: thinking it was a hotline for people who just need someone to talk to, jay calls. but why did a clueless student answer? with jay’s phone call has a time limit, you, the clueless student, insists on staying with him until the end of the line.

pairing: jay x f!reader

content/genre: college au (wow shocking), slowburn, fluff, angst and crack, smau.

warning(s): friends teasing friends, yk affectionate teasing, swearing, tell me if i missed something !! kissing, marriage talks hehehe

note: here's the playlist <3 okay omg last chap !! sjdkshfbsd okay a few notes, thanks to @prdxxxinvasion for enhancing the angst as always and giving ideas, @precioussoulofmine for reading and the bubs nickname idea and ofc thank you for reading this smau as a whole even though its not my best HBSDHBS but thank you sm u guys AAAA bubs and honey signing off :( <3 also you guys know later alt ending, u dont have to read if u dont wanna <3

you put the last set of books from the box to the shelf, dusting your hands off as you look at them. “was that the last box?” you ask, turning around. jay catches your lips with his, cupping your cheeks as you kiss back, softly giggling against his mouth. jay pulls away, wrapping his arms around your waist as he gives your temple a kiss.

“yeah, that was the last.” jay says as you wrap your arms around his shoulders. “i’m so glad we moved in together.”

“me, too, honey.” you softly say, squeezing him. 

graduation was already a year ago, you two would always stay over at each other’s place. some days, his apartment, next week yours, until jay practically lived in your apartment for a month. you jokingly told him that he might as well just move in with you and now, a month later, here you two are.

“you know what i’m thinking?” jay asks, lightly pulling away as he rests his forehead against yours. 

“me, hopefully.” you say as your hands settle at the back of his neck.

“bubs,” jay calls, placing a soft peck on your lips. “i never stop thinking about you.”

you smile, closing your eyes as you hum. “and the other?” you ask.

“we should get a cat.” jay says and you giggle, looking into his eyes.

“that’s great idea, honey.” you say.

“yeah?” jay says, eyes lighting up.

“one question,” you say and he hums. “aren’t you allergic to cats?”

jay only grins, not answering and you raise an eyebrow. “i’ll let you name it ‘iguana’.” he says and you laugh, kissing his lips. 

“i love you,” you say. “but no.”

“but bubs,” jay huffs like a child.

“no, honey.” you say. “you’re allergic.”

“but bubs—“

“no.” you say and he pouts. “you’re cute, but i don't want you fighting for your life everyday.” you say, kissing his pouty lips. “i love you so much, jongseong.”

“i love you so much, too, my love.” he says. “i can never get enough of you.”

you smile. “so, what do you want to do today?” you ask and he hums, thinking, but in the end he only shrugs. “okay, what do you want to have for dinner?”

jay hums and you chuckle, knowing he doesn’t know either. jay smiles, shaking his head. “can i ask something?” he asks and you nod, pulling away from him as you lean on the back of the couch behind you. “why were you insistent on talking to me before?”

you smile. “are you still guilty about lying?” you ask and jay shrugs. “honey, we’re not perfect. i have done stupid things, too. i just cried instead of just talking to you. we wouldn’t have to go through that stuff if only i just talked to you.”

jay chuckles. “true, but…” he shrugs. “i rejected you, lied and then you thought i stood you up, i just… didn’t think you would still tak to me after everything.”

“you thought i stood you up, too.” you say. “are you regretting that we’re together?”

“no!” jay exclaims and you laugh. “i just want to know why.”

“you didn’t cause that much damage, jongseong. i was just shock is all, that’s why i didn’t talk to you for months.” you say, chuckling. “and when you want someone to stay in your life, you have to do something about it.” you smile and jay smiles. “plus, i know that this would have been something beautiful, i’m right, aren’t i?”

jay nods and you smile. “you still get nervous with me?” you ask and jay shakes his head.

“there’s no reason for me to be nervous, anymore.” jay says. “why should i be nervous? i feel the safest with you.” he says and you smile, opening your arms. your boyfriend immediately takes up the offer, hugging you as he rests his temple against yours.

“i love you, jongseong,” you softly say and he hums. “i will never get tired of saying that.”

“i love you, too, y/n.” he mumbles and you smile. “you know, we should just spend the whole day cleaning around.” he says as he stands up straight to look around. you look around the living room, and yes, it was still a big mess. it felt like the place was crowded with your things, even though you two didn’t have that much stuff.

“you’re right.” you say, “should we just place the shelf near the tv?”

“more space, yeah.” jay agrees as he starts to move the shelf and with you helping, even though he insists that he can do it. he starts to point things out, how they would look better and cleaner at another spot. you realized how thorough jay was. you always knew he hates mess, but you also knew he doesn’t like cleaning. maybe just when he’s not feeling it.

“you think it would be better if the coffee table was under the television?” jay asks and you look at the table. it does sound appealing because of the drawers, but it would feel empty in the center.

“it’d be empty here.” you say, pouting and jay hums, nodding.

“are you tired? i’m sorry.” jay softly chuckles and you shake your head.

“i look forward to cleaning with you more now.” you say and jay chuckles as you plop down the couch, never taking your eyes off of him. “besides, you being thorough will come in handy when we plan for our wedding.”

jay stares at you and you fall silent.

you didn’t mean to. but you wouldn’t lie of thinking about it, a couple of times. okay, everyday. jay is a little too husband material, it was his fault! you just know you two would be happy. very happy.

“i’m sorry,” you say, sitting up. “i…” you chuckle nervously. “i didn’t know why i said that, it’s too early. i don’t even know if you want—i’m shutting up now.” you say as your cheeks grow red. 

jay only smiles.

“i wouldn’t have pursued you if i didn’t want to.” jay says and a big weight was released off your shoulders, making you smile. “don’t worry,” he says as he walks to you, sitting at the coffee table. “i’ll make sure our wedding is perfect.”

he leans in, kissing your forehead causing you to smile and close your eyes.

“come on,” jay says, holding your hand. “cook dinner with me?”

“of course,” you say as jay stands up, pulling you with him as you intertwine your hands together.

you’ll never let go, you know. and you know he won’t let go, too.

until the end of the line, like you said from the very start.

[officialchristiancagebbgirlblog]

52 - “I know I’m not who you want to see right now but I’m desperate.”

53 - “I just need to know if there’s still a part of you that loves me…that misses what we had”

54: “I fucked up…bad”

31: “right there, please! That’s so good”

58: “god, the things I’ve wanted to do to you”

101: breakup/getting back together sex

51: “Will you hold me?”

Fic type: Angst, Smut, Fluff in that order

Word count: 2824

Warnings: swearing

Filler name: Jen

Link to masterlist

Happy reading 🤍

Three months had passed by since Jen and Christian split from each other. It was an explosive breakup. Although they both cared for each other deeply, it was the wrong time with both having just come out of long term relationships. They clearly weren’t ready for a relationship then as they argued a hell of a lot more than they should’ve. It had all started off so nice too but within a few months it fell apart spectacularly. So, they ended things. Christian had hoped that they could stay friends at the least but unfortunately, that just wasn’t possible. He had said some things that he really wished he hadn’t said. Made some comments that were uncalled for. In that one argument before she demanded he left the house, he had ruined any chance of reconciliation.

But that was months ago, and today he found himself standing outside her house. Wondering if he should even bother trying to knock her door. It was late in the evening in the middle of heavy rainfall. He had walked to her place instead of driving, not in the mood to risk doing anything stupid behind the steering wheel. In that 30 minute walk, he was soaked to the bone. Shivering like crazy. Her living room light was on, indicating she was home and in that room. He wanted so badly to just go up to try and talk to her but he just couldn’t move. After a few more minutes of contemplation, he began to walk up to her front door. His legs felt like jelly, his mouth becoming dry, heart pounding. He didn’t normally get scared but…

Before he knew it, Christian’s fist was banging on the wood. It took a moment before Jen registered the noise but once she did, she was up. ‘Who on earth could that be?’ She had wondered as she walked over, turning the hall light on. She couldn’t see who it was through the glass but there was definitely somebody standing there still. Thankfully not a prank played by some stupid kid. So she opened the door with the usual polite smile that quickly faded. Her face dropped as she took in the man that stood before her. He was pale, dark bags under his eyes. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days. His hair was drenched and slicked back as he had tried to keep his vision clear from the rain droplets falling off his ends. Jen took a moment to compose herself, trying to stay calm upon his sudden arrival.

“Christian, what the fuck are you doing here?” She hissed, “it’s so late and it’s pissing it down, why are you here-“

“I know I’m not who you want to see right now but I…I’m desperate,” he stammered, “Please. Can I come in?”

She stared at him, feeling her blood boil. A part of her wanted so desperately to let him in. As much as she tried to deny it, the truth was that she still felt for him. But her entire body. It itched with hatred and disgust. So much so that she felt a crawling sensation run up her body. Without sparing another second she slammed the door shut in his face. After how he had treated her, she was determined to keep him locked out of her life. As much as it hurt. As much as it seared her skin. She was going to keep the one she once loved locked away from her heart. Jen walked away from the door, trying her best to ignore the pleading and the rapid knocking. Over the rain, she could hear him wail and beg for her attention. Coincidentally the weather got worse, nearing a full blown thunderstorm with the wind picking up. Deep down she knew she would have to let him in sooner or later. She couldn’t leave him outside. Not in this weather and certainly not in his current condition. She had no idea where his mind really was. Leaving him outside at this point would be a very silly thing to do.

But she just couldn’t bring herself to let him back in. Because she knew if she did, that was it. All the building up she had done for her self confidence and her mental health would’ve been for nothing if she opened the door. And yet, if she kept it shut? She was knowingly leaving another human being in a dangerous position. So that was her predicament: let him back into her life, or leave him outside to freeze or do something irrational.

“Plea..se!” He cried out, slowly being drowned out by the weather, “please, I’m begging you! Just…let me in and talk to me! I fucked up…bad. I know that. But ju-ust please.”

It broke her heart to hear him beg. Trying hard to keep her composure, she hesitantly walked back to the door. Her hand wouldn’t stop shaking as it cradled the cold door knob. A voice in her head shouted at her to ‘lock the door! Lock it and leave! You know what he did to you!’ But she just couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to do that. So, she opened the door again, stepping back to let him in. It took him a second to realise he was being invited in but he stepped inside, standing still on the door mat, shivering from the cold and his emotions. Jen looked up to him and saw him properly for the first time in months. His eyes were red, cheeks now stained with tears, nose running. She motioned for him to stay put while she ran in to grab him a towel. And to grab a pile of his clothes that he had left behind. She could never bring herself to get rid of them. Always keeping them tucked away out of sight and out of mind. Thankfully for Christian, they were clean and, most importantly, warm. When she returned, he recognised the fabric straight away, almost chuckling as he was reminded of when he would come home to see her sat in them. She handed him the towel and clothes before stepping into the living room to allow him to change and dry off.

After a moment, he followed her, leaving his earlier outfit in a wet heap on the mat. The towel laid over his shoulders to catch any stray rain drops.

“Why are you here, Christian?” Jen grumbled monotonously, trying hard to hide the emotion that was practically spilling out of her.

“I…” he began. Truthfully, he didn’t exactly know. It was like he had been in a trance on his way down. She raised her eyebrow as she waited for him to respond. She even had to harshly say “Well?!” to remind him that she was waiting on an answer.

“I just need to know if there’s a part of you that still loves me…that misses what we had,” he lamented, “I know I fucked up. I ruined everything, just like I always do. But I need you to know that I still love you. Despite everything I’ve done to hurt you, Jen, I love you. And only you.”

Jen was taken aback. She didn’t really know how to respond! Yes, she still felt for him. But he came all this way to say this?! Something that could’ve waited until the next day. Or better yet, something that could’ve stayed in his chest. She couldn’t keep the emotions down any longer and just exploded into tears of both sorrow and anger.

“I don’t see you for months, let alone hear from you and the first thing you tell me is you still love me?! After everything you said to me, you still love me?! What the fuck do you expect me to say to that, huh? That I love you too? That I waited…” she took a second to catch her breath, tears pouring down her face, “that I waited for days on end for you to tell me that you still cared about me? But you take this long to tell me, and still expect me to what? Tell you I love you too?”

“No, no I don’t expect-“

“Yeah but you do. Otherwise you wouldn’t have come here asking if I still loved you, would you?!” She spat, standing up. Her heart was broken. As much as she wanted to stay composed, she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“You fucked me up, Christian! All I am to you is a fucking distraction from how miserable you make yourself! So you think that because everything has gone so shit for you, I’m going to be here waiting to take you back?! Do you really believe that I still love you after everything-“

“You’re not perfect!” He shouted, standing up to match her energy, “you keep saying how I fucked you over, what about me? Jen, you and I both know that you’re just as guilty as I am. It wasn’t one sided. You shat on me just as much as I did to you. And I…I’m sorry. Okay? For everything I did and said to hurt you. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. But don’t you dare stand there and pretend you’re some kind of god. We’re both just as guilty of the same crime and you know it! Just…please, Jen! I love you. And I need you.”

Silence settled over the room as they both stood there in front of each other. Crying, heaving, red in the face. As much as she despised him at that moment, she couldn’t deny that he was right. She hated admitting it, but she was just as horrible to him. She had said things that she too didn’t mean. It was unfair to place the blame fully on Christian. They stared at each other, coming to the realisation of what was going to happen next.

Inevitably, they lunged forward with lips crashing into each other. With hands gripping each other's hair and clothes they tumbled over furniture, trying to navigate their way into her bedroom without breaking anything on the way over. As they reached the desired room, they threw themselves on the bed. Pulling clothes off their body, they barely broke the kiss long enough to mutter ‘oh my god’ and ‘I missed you so much’. Christian briefly moved his lips to her cheek before he sat up on his knees. He took a hold of her thighs, pulling her into position with her cunt just inches away from his already throbbing cock. Reaching over to the nightstand, he opened the drawer and felt around. Despite not being in her bedroom (let alone kneeling naked in front of her) he figured that she most likely wouldn’t have changed the contents of the drawers much. Letting out a happy noise, he produced what he had been searching for: a condom packet that was, thankfully, still in date. Seeing the small foil packet made her heart swoon. Even more so when he ripped it open with his teeth and spat the ripped part to his left away from him. He wasted no time in rolling it down his cock, making sure it stayed snug.

“God, the things I’ve wanted to do to you,” he growled as he rubbed the protected head of his cock on her clit, holding her down by the hip, “and all I can think about is fucking you until you squirt all over my fucking face.”

Her breath hitched in her throat at his words. Jen was used to Christian being a more gentle man in the bedroom. She thoroughly enjoyed how he would make sweet love to her, how he would cherish her body. But this new version made her feel all sorts of things. She watched as he lined himself up with her entrance, moving his hands under her thighs to keep her in the correct position.

“Are you ready?” He asked, dropping his desperate demeanour for a moment. She nodded, letting out a loud call of his name as he thrusted deep inside her with one swift motion. She groaned as the feeling of finally being stretched out after so long hit her like a bag of bricks. It didn’t take long before she whined, begging for him to fuck her already. Hoisting her legs over his shoulders he snapped his hips forward, setting a steady pace. It felt incredible. Not only had Jen even stayed away from any form of contact with another man in general, but also sexually; she had, more or less, entered a temporary nun phase. He shifted his hips ever so slightly which allowed him to angle himself perfectly with her G-spot.

“Right there, please! That’s so good!” She gasped, clinging on to his arm as he picked up the pace. Christian grunted with each thrust. It felt like it had been years since he last had sex, let alone with his baby girl. Hell, he was surprised he was even still lasting this long! The hairs on his body stood up to attention as he realised his orgasm was now fast approaching. He wrapped his arms tightly around her thighs to keep himself grounded, body quivering in pleasure.

“Baby,” he whimpered, “I can’t…I can’t hold it anymore! I’m cumming!” Letting out a sharp gasp, his orgasm hit sending bolts of electricity through his body as he rode it out, ribbons of hot cum being caught by the condom. But even after he crossed the finish line, he kept going. Although he didn’t say it out loud, he promised her an orgasm. He was going to make her squirt. No matter what. And luckily for him, he was about to complete his task. She couldn’t even announce that it was happening before she hit her orgasm. With legs shaking, he forced her to copy him on riding it out by holding her still while he continued to pound his cock inside her, moaning with each thrust. Feeling her cum reach the skin of his face, he smirked. It excited him to feel it drip down to his lips and he licked it up with glee. She tasted just as good as he had remembered.

It took her a moment to recover as he gently placed her legs down on the bed to let her lay down and catch her breath. Through half lidded eyes, she watched as he carefully and slowly peeled the condom from his body, tying it in a knot to throw it in the bin. He took a second to remind her to pop to the toilet which she did, allowing him to put some blankets down so they didn’t have to lay in any wet patches. As he lay back down, he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he realised that there was a chance that she may still tell him to leave. Or that she still felt the same way as she did before the sex. She returned to the room, body still a tickle of pink. Christian wanted to say something but decided to let her talk first.

“I’m sure that you can understand when I say that I don’t know if my feelings have changed.” She lamented, “just because you gave me…the best sex I’ve ever had. It doesn’t mean I’m going to immediately take you back.”

He nodded sadly, getting up to get his clothes back on. Oddly enough, she stopped him, placing her hands on his forearms. Christian glanced up in surprise while trying not to get his hopes up.

“But…I want you to stay. If you want?”

Relief washed over him. Even if it wasn’t a direct answer to their situation, it was the stepping stone he needed. Jen led him back to the bed, laying down on the blankets he had placed for them. He climbed in after her, feeling a weird mix of vulnerability and safety.

“Will you hold me?” He whispered. It wasn’t too often that he showed this vulnerable side of himself but he couldn’t hide it tonight. Without question nor hesitation, she shuffled closer to him and threw her arm around his neck. Christian nuzzled into the warmth of her body, placing a leg over hers so he could pull himself even closer if it was even possible. In that moment, everything felt right. Like it was going to be okay. Even if she couldn’t give him an answer just yet on the state of their relationship, tonight they shared a much needed break from the madness of their lives. They exchanged a chaste kiss before they began to drift off to sleep. Jen’s fingers played with Christian’s hair to help lull him into the sleep he so desperately needed. And as he drifted away, he just barely heard her mumble those three words he had missed with all his heart: “I love you.”

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

illus: Steve Brodner

* * * *

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

Sept 21, 2023

The fight over how we conceive of our federal government was on full display today.

The Biden administration announced the creation of the American Climate Corps. This will be a group of more than 20,000 young Americans who will learn to work in clean energy, conservation, and climate resilience while also earning good wages and addressing climate change. 

This ACC looks a great deal like the Civilian Conservation Corps established by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt and the Democrats in 1933, during the New Deal. The CCC was designed to provide jobs for unemployed young men (prompting critics to ask, “Where’s the She, She, She?”) while they worked to build fire towers, bridges, and foot trails, plant trees to stop soil erosion, stock fish, dig ditches, build dams, and so on. 

While the CCC was segregated, the ACC will prioritize hiring within communities traditionally left behind, as well as addressing the needs of those communities that have borne the brunt of climate change. If the administration’s rules for it become finalized, the corps will also create a streamlined pathway into federal service for those who participated in the program. 

In January, a poll showed that a climate corps is popular. Data for Progress found that voters supported such a corps by a margin of 39 points. Voters under 45 supported it by a margin of 51 points. 

While the Biden administration is establishing a modern version of a popular New Deal program, extremists in the Republican Party are shutting down the government to try to stop it from precisely this sort of action. They want to roll the government back to the days before the New Deal, ending government regulation, provision of a basic social safety net, investment in infrastructure, and protection of civil rights.

Extremists in the House Republican conference are refusing to acknowledge the deal worked out for the budget last spring by President Biden and Republican speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). Instead, in order to pass even a continuing resolution that would buy time for Congress to pass an actual budget, they are insisting on cuts of up to 8% on discretionary spending that Senate Democrats, as well as Biden himself, are certain to oppose.

The White House has noted that the cuts the Republicans demand would mean 800 fewer Customs and Border Protection agents and officers (which, in turn, would mean more drugs entering the United States); more than 2 million women and children waitlisted for the WIC food assistance program; more than 4,000 fewer rail inspection days; up to 40,000 fewer teachers, aides, and key education staff, affecting 26 million students; and so on. 

House speaker McCarthy cannot corral the extremists to agree to anything unless they get such cuts, which even other Republicans recognize are nonstarters (those cuts are so unpopular that Jake Sherman of Punchbowl News reported today that Republicans are somewhat bizarrely considering changing their messaging about their refusal to fund the government from concerns about spending to concerns about border security). 

Meanwhile, the extremists are threatening to throw McCarthy out of the speakership. There are rumors that Republican moderates are considering working with Democrats to save McCarthy’s job, but Democrats are not keen on helping him when he has just agreed to open a baseless impeachment inquiry into the president in order to appease the extremists. 

“If you’d asked about two months ago I would have said absolutely,” Representative Dean Phillips (D-MN) told Manu Raju, Lauren Fox, and Melanie Zanona of CNN. “But I think sadly his behavior is unprincipled, it’s unhelpful to the country,” he said.

As a shutdown appears more and more likely, even Republicans acknowledge that the problem is on their side of the House. Until the 1980s, funding gaps did not lead to government shutdowns. Government agencies continued to work, with the understanding that Congress would eventually work out funding disputes. But in 1980 a fight over funding the 1,600-employee Federal Trade Commission led President Jimmy Carter to ask Attorney General Benjamin Civiletti if the agency could continue to operate when its funding ran out. Civiletti surprised participants by saying no. 

Four years ago, Civiletti told Ian Shapira of the Washington Post that his decision was about a specific and limited issue, and that he never imagined that politicians would use shutdowns for long periods of time as a political weapon. And yet, shutdowns have become more frequent and longer since the 1990s, usually as Republicans demand that Congress adopt policies they cannot pass through regular procedures (like the 34-day shutdown in 2019 over funding for the border wall former president Trump wanted).

Many observers note that “governing by crisis,” as President Barack Obama put it, is terribly damaging and that Civiletti’s decision should be revisited. Next month’s possible shutdown has the potential to be particularly problematic because there is no obvious solution. After all, it’s hardly a surprise that this budget deadline was coming up and that the extremists were angry over the deal McCarthy cut with Biden back in May, and yet McCarthy has been unable in all those months to bring his conference to an agreement. 

Republicans appear resigned that voters will blame them for the crisis, which, honestly, seems fair. “We always get the blame,” Representative Mike Simpson (R-ID), a senior appropriator, told Katherine Tully-McManus and Adam Cancryn of Politico. “Name one time that we’ve shut the government down and we haven’t got the blame.” 

Meanwhile, the House extremists continue to push their vision for the nation by undermining the institutions of the government. The House Judiciary Committee, chaired by Representative Jim Jordan (R-OH), today held what normally would have been a routine oversight hearing focused on policy, law enforcement, and so on. Instead of that business, though, Jordan and the hard-right Republicans on the committee worked to construct a false reality in right-wing media by attacking Attorney General Merrick Garland over his role in the investigation of President Biden’s son Hunter, begun five years ago under Trump. 

Glenn Thrush of the New York Times noted drily that “[m]any of the claims and insinuations they leveled against Mr. Garland—that he is part of a coordinated Democratic effort to shield the Bidens and persecute Mr. Trump—were not supported by fact. And much of the specific evidence presented, particularly the testimony of an investigator who questioned key decisions in the Hunter Biden investigation, was given without context or acknowledgment of contradictory information.”

Instead, Jordan and his extremist colleagues shouted at Garland and over his answers, producing sound bites for right-wing media. Those included the statement from Representative Victoria Spartz (R-IN) that the rioters at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, were actually “good Americans” who brought “strollers and the kids.” Even as both Biden and Garland have prioritized restoring faith in the Justice Department after Trump’s use of it for his own ends, the extremist Republicans are working to undermine that faith by constructing the false image that the Department of Justice is persecuting Trump and his allies.  Their position was not unchallenged on the committee, even within their own party. Representative Ken Buck (R-CO) defended Garland from their attacks, while Democrats on the committee went after the Republicans themselves. Representative Adam Schiff (D-CA) accused Jordan of making the Judiciary Committee into a “criminal defense firm for the former president.” 

Garland, who is usually soft-spoken, pushed back too. “Our job is not to take orders from the president, from Congress, or from anyone else, about who or what to criminally investigate,” he told the committee. “I am not the president’s lawyer. I will add I am not Congress’s prosecutor. The Justice Department works for the American people.”

“We will not be intimidated,” he added. “We will do our jobs free from outside influence. And we will not back down from defending our democracy.”

—

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[sachiko6243]

The good old Doc - Part 14

Missed the start? No problem, here is the first part, the following ones are always linked at the end, so you dont have to search endlessly. 😉

Summary: Lieutenant Lilith Adams enlisted back in the military, only to be met with a certain cocky pilot. Overcoming certain past traumas, she tries to fit in with the team of pilots as their personal medic. Soon finding her stuck between a certain good looking aviator and her work morals.

This is a series which is currently in the making, so I don’t exactly know how long it is going to be. 😊

Word count: 2781

Warnings: generally none, maybe some for those who have deeper knowledge of military stuff. I do not and I am sorry in advance, if I got things wrong (you are welcome to correct me in the comments)

I will be on vacation for a week. Thats why I posted part 14 and 15 today, so that I dont have to interupt my time off. I hope you guys understand. Have a great week. 🥰

The next Monday, I found myself called to the Admirals office with the rest of the team. We were all waiting for his arrival. And by the looks on Warlock’s face, the situation was critical to say the least. Nobody dared to talk or ask questions. The tension in the room weighting us down like we were buried alive. When Cyclone rushed into his office minutes later, we all jumped to our feet, saluting him. He waved us off, without saying anything. Slumping into his seat. Another swing of his hand signaled us to sit down. Quickly we shuffled into our seats, eyes curiously trained on Cyclone. He was reading through a file over and over again, seemingly not willing to accept what was written there.

“I have bad news.” He said after a while, shutting the file. His face showed no direct sign of distress, but I could read it in his eyes. “Apparently, our borders have been breached by two enemy carriers, accompanied by five warships. As far as our knowledge goes, one is filled with ten SU-51 and the other with several helicopters and support aircrafts. Our base is the closest to the next carrier. It is currently turning to pass our coastline. The daggers will fly their jets and land on the boat, while Lieutenant Adams, me and all our bags and supplies will be picked up by a helicopter. Prepare for the mission, call your family. This mission is classified, so if you must, lie. Everything else will be discussed once we land on the carrier. Time is of essence. Take off is in two hours. You are dismissed.”

As soon as he finished talking, everyone rushed out of the room. While I was running towards my office, I called my mother: “Mom. Its me, Lillith. I am pulled for a mission. I don’t know how long it will be and I am not allowed to tell you more.” She interrupted me: “What do you mean, pulled for a mission? Why cant you tell me anything?” Her voice was laced with worry and I could practically see her pacing around, wherever she was.

“It’s a classified mission, that just came up a few hours ago. We get mission details when we depart. Don’t worry. I will be fine.” I tried to calm her, but she was over the edge already: “This came up in the last hours? That means something dramatic happened. You are deployed with aviators. Your missions are always planned out over months. We are getting attacked, aren’t we?”

She of course knew how the military worked, having connections all her life. But I couldn’t tell her. “I cant deny or admit anything, mom. You have to trust me, okey? This is the last phone call for a while. I will not take my phone and I don’t know if we are allowed to call from where we will be. If something happens, be assured I love you, okey? You have been the best mom, someone could have asked for.” I tried to keep my voice steady, to not further upset her, but a few sniffles escaped nonetheless.

“I love you, too Lillith. Just promise to come home again, okey?” I could hear her crying, even though she was hiding it pretty well. But I didn’t know anything that was about to happen. And one of the first rules in the navy was: Don’t promise something you cant keep. “I will try my best, mo. But I have to go. I love you, bye.”

Before she could answer I hung up, turned off my phone and locked it into my safe. Then I started to view over my medical supply bag. Luckily it was complete. Then I packed my go bag. The three sets of my uniform, I always kept on base, my first aid body kit, a book and the small plushy my mother gifted me when I was accepted into the navy. Then I practically ran across the base to the called out meeting point. The helicopter was already waiting. Cyclone and the pilot started to load it with the bags the team brought in. As soon as he saw me, Cyclone came over and took the heavy bags from my shoulder.

“There was enough time, for you to do two rounds.” He said, voice stern. Concentrated on what was about to happen. I ignored him. “Where is Jake?”

“He already dropped off his things. I believe he is doing the last check ups in his jet.” Cyclone answered. “Yes, you may say good by to him.” He added, once he saw my face. I didn’t need to be told twice. Racing down the runway, I crashed through the big gate, my eyes frantically searching the hangar. When I made out Jake, I walked over to him. He noticed my appearance as soon as I stood next to him. Stopping his check up, he took me in his arms. That was the moment I started to uncontrollably sob into his chest. Letting go of all fears bottled up inside of me.

“I know, darlin. I know. But I promise, whatever we are about to do, I will do everything in my power to protect you, okey?” He whispered, caressing my back. I wiped my tears away. “But what about you?” I asked, voice, thing and shaken by my cries. He offered me one of his big flashy smiles. “Well, I believe in the best medic of the navy, to stich me up again.” His playful comment had me laughing. “Just promise not to do something stupid, okey? I know how you fly and I swear if you pull some risky shit and die, I will come to wherever this afterlife is, and kill you again, understood?” Jake let go of me, saluting rigidly. “Understood, Ma’am.”

I pulled him down by his vest, pressing my lips against his. This kiss was filled with desire, pain and uncertainty. But I swore, that I would do whatever it would take to keep him safe. And I truly believed he would do the same. With that safety rushing through my veins, I ended the kiss, stepping back. “See you on the carrier, aviator.” I smiled tilting my head, watching him climb onto the wing of his jet. “See you soon, medic.” He answered, smiling at me, while he put on his helmet. Turning around I made my way back to Cyclone and the helicopter.

The flight didn’t take long. And while I was squeezed between Cyclone and what felt like tons of stuff, I learned, that the pilot was my old companion Mickey from Afghanistan. He was like me a total sucker for madness, so I wasn’t surprised to learn he volunteered for this mission. “Tell me, Wifey. Is there some man in your life, or do I still got a chance?” He playfully asked over the coms, not knowing the whole dagger squad was connected with us.

“Back off, man. She is taken by a real pilot.” I could hear the possession lacing Jakes voice. Mickey didn’t seem to be impressed that much, ignoring the unfamiliar voice in his headset. “Didn’t know you would fall for an aviator. I always thought you would go for a real man. A man that knows how to handle a combat and not just drop a bomb from thousands of feet of air.” Snickering he turned around to look at me.

“Stop it, Mickey. They don’t know you and probably now think you are a piece of shit. And to answer your question, you never had a chance.” I said, squinting my eyes at him. He placed one hand over his chest. “You hurt my feelings, little Lady. All this time I believed I was your favorite pilot, only to then be replaced by a voice in my head.”

Rooster laugh rang through the coms. “I swear, whoever you are… I really like you. We should go for a beer after this shit show here. My name is Rooster by the way. The best of this squad.”

“Shut up, Rooster.” Jake interfered. “And my name is Hangman. I am Lilliths boyfriend and the best. Because unlike little Rooster, I am already have to take downs registered in my file.”

“Still, Maverick has five. Makes him an ace and the best.” Phoenix interrupted him. “Phoenix by the way. I fly one of the double seaters with Bob. Say hi Bobby boy.”

“Hi… I… uh… I am Bob.” Bobs voice was quietly heard. Payback was the next to speak. “If we already are bragging: My name is Payback and if you ever find out, why I am called that way, then pray you are not the one on the receiving end.” His introduction had everyone laugh, remembering how he would throw out several people out of Pennys bar each Friday night. “Yeah. And I am Coyote. I am just existing. That’s all.” Jave spoke after the laughter had subsided.

“You have a cool team, Wifey. But still. I think we Marines are better.” Mickey cockily shot back. Our bantering got interrupted by the control tower on the ship: “Tower to dagger squad. Runway clear for landing. Mickey you can hover.”

So, we did. One by one I watched the squad land their jets on this short excuse of a runway. And with every time they managed to drop and catch the rope taut to slow their landing I was whisked away. I knew what good of a pilots my team were, but seeing them act it out whipped me from my feet every time. Once the runway was cleared from any jets, ropes and crew members, Mickey got the permission to land as well. Quickly the helicopter was unloaded, the bags stowed away and the quarters obtained. I was sharing with Phoenix. Bob with Maverick, Coyote with Jake, and Rooster with Payback.

Not even half an hour later, we found ourselves scrambled into the very small control room staring at a wall of screens. Cyclone was explaining what happened and what our mission would be. Apparently, the team was called to take down any aircraft in the airspace inside the US sea area. I was supposed to expand the team of medics on board, having detailed information on the medical history of the dagger squad. Nobody knew exactly why our borders have been breached and any signal towards the enemy ship wasn’t answered. And based on the route they were taking the as well didn’t seem to steer outside of our borders, making their actions officially an attack on the safety of US citizens.

I looked at the clock on the wall. Nearly 5 pm. That meant this meeting was about to be over and we could take our dinner in the great mess hall. My thoughts about nutritious but bland military food where suddenly disrupted by Cyclone addressing me directly: “Lieutenant Adams. After this meeting, please accompany Lieutenant Smiths to the medical quarters and get familiar with the area. This meeting ends now. You are dismissed. Mission tomorrow starts at 0800.”

“Yes, Admiral.” I quickly answered, letting my eyes scan over the crowd. A tall woman with brown hair smiled at me, identifying herself as Lieutenant Smiths. After we were dismissed, I waved my team goodbye, telling the I would meet them in the mess hall. Then I made my way through the crowd towards Lieutenant Smiths. She offered me her hand. “You can call me Cookie. Whats your name?” She had a bright angelic voice, I could not quiet connect to her tall, and fit statue. Shaking her hand, I answered the question. “Lieutenant Adams. But everyone calls me Wifey.”

She laughed at my name. “Wifey, huh? How did you get your callsign?” I tilted my head, smiling and following her through the corridors, trying my best to get them stamped into my brain. “My first deployment got me on a base where I was the only woman. Being the medic I was their contact person for any problem they had. And one day, when a Marine came in with a dislocated shoulder, I had to completely knock him out on medication, because he wouldn’t sit still. When he gained his consciousness back, he mistook me for his wife. After that, my name was set. How did you get yours?”

“I loved cookiees, so I used to dress up as the cookie monster from the sesame street back in elementary school.” She answered, pulling a small bag of cookies out of her pocket. “Besides that, I always carry a bag with me. You never know when you need them.” Opening the bag, she offered me one. I took it gladly, since this was the first thing I had eaten in the last hours.

After a while we reached the medical bay. Two men and another woman were waiting for me. Pointing towards a smaller thin man, Cookie started to introduce me to them. “This is Apollo, he got his name, because his last name is Armstrong. The woman next to him is Bambi. She got her name, because of her doe eyes.” A blond woman with big blue eyes waved at me. “The last one is Beetle. Whenever we are in an area with many insects, you can bet they all swarm around him. We haven’t figured out why yet, but the study is still running. If you have a guess, we take it, doesn’t matter how wild it is.” A tall darkhaired man with a mustache offered me a bitter smile. “Yeah, about that. If you ever need any insect or spider removed just call me. My presence alone will lure them in.”

After a short walk through the med bay, we made our way towards the mess hall. The dagger squad was already waiting on a long table, so we joined them. Luckily, they were connecting with each other quickly, so a was able to zone out. Letting my thoughts wander, while quickly shoveling down the food I thought about what would make someone act out this clear of a war threat with us.

It wasn’t that I was scared of the mission. But I was concerned with the plainness another nation was breaking a truce. What if this was something planned from a long hand, baiting the US military to act, then making us look like the aggressor? What would happen then? Would we be at war, with said country? What country even was it, that send out this ship? It wasn’t sailing under any flag, nor did it answer any calls. And worse of all, what if someone of my team would get hurt? I couldn’t do anything, if they get shot down somewhere over the ocean. And who could guarantee, they would be able to return alive with a rescue helicopter?

The longer I thought about tomorrow, the more agitated I got. Not noticing my leg jiggling, I was startled to feel Jakes hand on my thigh. “Whats wrong, darlin?” He quietly whispered into my ear.

“I am nervous.” I answered. “What if this is a trap? This ship isn’t sailing under a flag, not answering any calls. Who would do something like this?” His hand started to caress my leg, trying to calm me down. “I am sure its nothing. Probably just some miscalculation and they don’t understand us, or don’t get our calls. We will scout and that’s all. In and out quickly.”

“My guts tell me otherwise.” I mumbled, not looking up from my plate. Jake put an arm around me, pulling me into a hug. “Everything will be alright. Its normal to worry before a mission. Especially since your last got you kidnapped and tortured. But if something goes wrong, I will protect you and I promise to come back to you. Even if that means I have to slaughter a whole army by myself.”

“You are a jerk, Jake.” I laughed, letting my body sink into his. He laughed at my comment, getting up from his seat. “Lets get you into bed, darlin. Otherwise, I am sure, the enemy will turn their ship as soon as you would catch their eyes.” I squinted my eyes. “Is there something you wanna tell me, Bagman?” I threatened, causing him to raise his arms laughing. “Not at all. You look beautiful like a sunshine when you wake up. I am sure the creature crawling around in the kitchen making coffee is just in my imagination.”

“I hate you.” I grumbled, not taking the hand he offered me.

“No, you love me.” Was all he said, guiding me towards Phoenix and my quarters.

[torreshalstead]

You make the miles worth it - Chapter 19

Summary - The Chicago Marathon had always been a dream for Hailey. And when she meets a stranger in pink running shoes whilst training, she realises maybe she had been dreaming for more.

Chapters - 20/24

Chapter Summary - it’s Jay and Hailey’s final long run before race day so they go to wind down afterwards at Molly’s.

Notes - this is a little shorter today but hope you enjoy none the less! AO3 Link

3 weeks to go

‘Hey guys!’ The loud voice of Stella welcomed them as they walked into Molly’s that evening. They’d completed their final long run together that morning before tapering off for the big day and were excited to have a calm evening with a couple of drinks at the pub. It had been one of the things keeping them going as they made their way through the miles a few hours previously. ‘Beers?’

‘Two please,’ Hailey returned Stella’s cheerful smile as she and Jay made her way over to a couple of empty stalls at the bar, his hand warm against the small of her back. Hailey had grown to love the small moments of contact between her and Jay, from the hand holding to his hand on her back or an arm across her shoulders. What had once been so foreign now brought her a great sense of comfort.

The bar was filled with its usual patrons, the members of 51, some doctors that Jay recognised from Med and some Saturday regulars. They smiled warmly and exchanged pleasantries with those they recognised.

‘Been training today?’ Stella asked as she set two beers on the bar for them.

Jay nodded as Hailey took a long swig from the bottle, ‘20 miles’ he said with a smile.

‘Damn, first rounds on me. You two need them after all of that,’ she smiled as she flung her towel over her shoulder and headed down to the end of the bar to deal with the other customers.

‘Cheers’, Jay said, tapping his beer against Hailey’s. ‘This time in 3 weeks, we will be marathon finishers’.

‘Isn’t that crazy!’ Hailey chuckled whilst taking another drink. ‘So we’re doing 8 next week and then what did you want to do the final week before?’

‘About 6 miles I think, 10K?’

‘Sounds good to me.’ They settled into a comfortable silence, glancing up at the TV’s above the bar on occasion, sharing short glances with small smiles, their legs pressed against each other under the bar.

‘Would you have believed we’d end up here?’ Jay asked after a short while.

‘At Molly’s? Well it’s not that hard to believe,’ Hailey chuckled but Jay shook his head with a small smile.

‘No, 3 weeks out from the marathon together. When we met all those months ago?’ He was picking absentmindedly at the label of his beer.

‘I guess I haven’t really thought about it. But no, if I’m honest probably not. But I’m happy we have’, she bumped him with her shoulder and was met with a soft smile.

‘Me too. Although you did practically throw yourself at me after I had only said hi to you a couple of times,’ Jay smirked as Hailey’s jaw dropped.

‘I did not throw myself at you! Okay, I may have run into you, but it was purely accidental and I didn’t hear you complaining,’ she raised an eyebrow as she lifted her bottle to take another drink.

‘When a beautiful lady throws herself at your Hails, you do not complain. I can assure you,’ he chuckled as Hailey felt her cheeks redden as if Stella had suddenly turned up the heat in the bar.

‘Shush it,’ she muttered. Jay easily threw compliments around and although Hailey knew he meant them and was talking from the heart, it didn’t stop Hailey from getting embarrassed every time he did.

‘Okay, we can move on from you throwing yourself at me,’ he smirked and continued. ‘Let’s go back to the start. Before I said hi to you, had you even really noticed me?’

‘With those pink sneakers on, how could I not?’ Hailey laughed loudly. ‘But yes, truthfully I had decided that day I was going to say hi to you, we’d been smiling at each other for a couple of runs but I had plucked up the courage to actually speak to you. You just beat me to it.’

‘Sorry about that,’ Jay smiled.

‘Don’t be, I probably would have flaked on it anyway. Vanessa tried to persuade me to just ask you out straight away.’ Hailey shook her head with a small chuckle at the memory of her conversation with Vanessa that night.

‘Did she now?’ Jay raised his eyebrow along with the corner of his mouth. ‘Knew I liked that girl!’

‘I’m glad I didn’t listen to her though. If I had, I don’t think we ever would have ended up here,’ she smiled and subtly scooted even closer to him. ‘And I wouldn’t want to change that. Well maybe when I ran out on you that time but-’

‘You know I’ve never once held that against you right?’ Jay asked sincerely, his sarcastic smirk long gone.

‘I know Jay, I know.’ She smiled, reached across and rested her hand on his arm. When he pulled it away, her smile immediately dropped from her face but when he repositioned it so he could take her hand in his, the warmth spread through her.

‘It’s just part of our story,’ he rubbed his thumb in a circular motion across the back of her hand.

‘Our story, hey?’ Hailey leant her elbow on the bar and rested her cheek on her open palm, allowing herself to turn toward him.

‘Yeah, two strangers who met whilst training for the same race on the same trail. And became more than that.’

‘I like that story’, she said softly, allowing herself to get lost in the emerald shine of his eyes.

‘Me too,’ he whispered. Neither of them chose to break eye contact and settled back into a comfortable silence until Hermann interrupted them to see if they wanted another drink.

‘Hermann!’ Stella’s voice loudly called from the other end of the bar. ‘Can’t you see they were having a moment?’

‘Well they can have another one when they aren’t both nursing an empty bottle!’ Stella shook her head as Hailey and Jay both laughed and agreed to another drink.

The evening continued in much the same vein, conversation remaining at a minimum except with others asking them about the race and how their run had been. All the regulars knew they were running the marathon, Stella had got all of 51 on board to be pitched up somewhere on course as long they could get the trucks to a call if needed.

As they were drinking their 4th beers for the evening, Jay’s phone rang.

He glanced down at it and Hailey saw his shoulders sag.

‘I gotta take this,’ he said apologetically, gesturing to the phone. She nodded as he headed to the back door, answering the call with a ‘Halstead’ as he exited the bar.

When Jay hadn’t returned after 5 minutes, Hailey decided to pop outside to check on him. She expected to see him in deep conversation on the phone, what she found couldn’t have been more different.

Jay was sitting on the curb, his back to the building, his head in his hands.

‘Jay?’ She said softly, taking a seat next to him only for him to not acknowledge her in any way. ‘What’s up? Who was on the phone?’

‘It was my boss,’ Jay muttered, keeping his head down as he spoke. ‘I’m being loaned out.’

‘Loaned out?’ Hailey questioned.

‘To the FBI,’ Jay said flatly.

‘Oh, you’re working with them on a case?’ Jay nodded. ‘And you don’t want to?’ She asked curiously, trying to understand Jay’s reaction.

‘It’s not that,’ he said, finally glancing up at her. ‘They need me in New York.’

‘Oh,’ Hailey said, shocked.

‘And they expect the case to take 2 to 3 weeks.’ His voice was still void of emotions as he looked at her.

‘Oh’, Hailey said in realisation. The race was in 3 weeks. If he went to New York, he might not make it back in time.

‘And I need to leave tonight’.

[marlasomething]

(my) Mag a Week: To Hate Them All

Hello there!

I am participating in the "a mag a day" idea  by @a-mag-a-day which is BRILLIANT and I decided to do "statement a week", rolling dice with the characters and fears that were ftw that week in the episodes I have listened.

For today I rolled Archivist!Mikaele Salesa (NOT A BLOODY SINGLE ONE I SWEAR) and The Lonely (Eps. 44-51).

As usual, please do forgive my quick tipper and non-native speaker mistakes, Marla

Allons-y!

CW: self-isolation, possessive behaviour, stalking, borderline abuse, explicit violence

Also on AO3!

Statement of Ethel Lovett, regarding the ring her former fiancé gave her and its consequences on her day-to-day life.

Recorded by Mikaele Salesa, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

 My fiancé was never one for making a fuss about anything, which was completely fine with me. I was loud enough for the both of us. Also, when it came to presents, even if he delivered them in the dullest, less original, manner possible, they were always exactly what I wanted.

It was almost as if he had a gift. Perhaps he had and what I am about to tell you was just due to some terrible luck. It all began about a month ago, we had been engaged for three months already, and were starting to plan the wedding itself. Everything was coming on roses except for one small detail: I didn’t have an actual wedding ring.

Okay, yes; I know how it sounds, but if there was something he and I shared was our appreciation for good jewellery, so neither of us would conform with what our regular salary would allow. So we began to save money and, a casual Sunday morning, I found the most beautiful ring next to the tip of my nose as I woke up.

It was silver with an elegant, rather discreet, lapis lazuli patina that formed a capital letter “L” at both sides of circumference. We had spoken about it for hours and he was going to be the one to take my surname, so it was perfect. There were small details carved into it too, making me recall the morning fog you encounter when being overseas. As I was putting it on, my fiancé entered and started to explain to me how he had found it in a pawn shop nearby his work office and completely felt in love with…

…you.

The moment I finished adjusting the ring to my finger, his tone and even his timbre changed, as if he was in a trance. He kneeled next to me and told me how I was the most perfect person in existence, even with all my small imperfections (that he detailed with an almost painful precision, but I was used by then to his lack of filters, so it was fine with me). I laughed and threw my arms around him, still half in trance due to his incredibly beautiful present.

I started kissing him, trying to pull off his shirt in a playful game we have both had turned already into a routine as usual as having breakfast. However, this time, instead of playing his part, he froze in place.

I threw myself again in between bedsheets; half perplex, half wanting this to be all part of a new routine he had come up with as an extra wedding present. It wasn’t. He didn’t come to me. He just stayed there, not even blinking.

By the time I managed to find the will to ask him what on Earth was going on with him, he was on the verge of tears due to the fact that I had just stared at him with a disrespectful glare (which, I must say, wasn’t my intention; some people say my way of looking can be…rather intimidating).

Then, bursting into a quite loud ugly-crying he told me he was just in awe that me of all people could show so much affection for someone like him.

For a second, I considered I haven’t actually woken up that morning. I mean, I was the very same person I always am; and that is not at all remarkable, by any means, much more less worth of such a reaction!

I tried to reason with him, explain that I was still the person he had chosen to marry. The most normal looking woman in history of mankind; nothing to be remembered for posterity.

He didn’t listen; instead, all my words had a charming effect on him. So I decided to believe, for my own mental health, to pretend it was all an elaborated prank of my fiancée, trying to compensate the lack of creativity he usually put into this events. I lasted less than a natural day allowing myself to believe this, so I made a decision.

I would give him a week and, if he carried on in the same manner, I would take him to a doctor, just in case. It wasn’t the greatest option (I have had a couple of terrible experiences with doctors, so I was rather hesitant even when it was clear there was no other way to approach this issue), but I was desperate. I loved…I love him; I didn’t want him to die due to some bizarre insanity.

Because he was dying; he was weakening by the hour, consumed by the effort to be perfect for me. At all costs, no matter how much I tried to care for him in return.

The doctors weren’t the solution, though they helped me to find out, if not the solution, at very least the cause of all my current troubles.

 The thing was that, what was happening with my fiancé…was also happening with everyone else in my ecosystem (to call it something). Everybody seemed enamoured of me, they followed me around and kind of made me forget the concept of intimacy.

My boss? Praised me in a manner that made everybody else seemed to be just bloody useless.

The reaction of my workmates? Cheer him and offered themselves to help with work and, well, other things.

It was asphyxiating but, somehow, I managed to convince myself there was nothing bizarre going on, that it was all inside my mind. I guessed that, if I admitted that my life was already being, pardon my French, screwed up, I would have to consider that my fiancé was in an actual very serious situation because of me and…I just didn’t want to.

I couldn’t.

So I rationalised every single too clingy behaviour for everyone, even the one from that cashier I was certain hated me from the first day I walked in with my Pride Flag bracelet.

Yes, thinking about it in perspective, the bigot evolving into an almost cuddly person worried about how my relationship was going should have been the last straw.

The point is, sorry for the digressions, that when I went to the doctor he…called in his three interns and, before I could react…he had drugged me.

I lost consciousness almost immediately.

 I woke up tied to a stretcher, with the doctor and his alumni surrounding me; the four of them commenting on what a marvellous specimen I was and how much medicine they could learn from me, if only to make people more like me.

As he spoke, he came closer and closer to me and, as it had increasingly been happening these last weeks, I felt pure repulsion of how close to me the man was, the contact skin against skin making me gurgle.

I was desperate, why was this happening to me? What have I done to turn myself into some short of unwilling, relentless, siren song?

Then, all of the sudden, I realised something: the ring, it all began with the ring and, since I had put it on that fateful morning, I hadn’t taken it off for absolutely anything at all.

I felt ecstatic: I had all the solution to my problems. I could get my partner back and stopped hating other people’s company due to their reactions to my mere existence. I just had to take the ring off.

However, before I could act, a feral version of my boyfriend (who had also been knocked out of consciousness) woke up and…let’s just say, there wasn’t enough bleach in all the building to clean the mess up.

 As he finished them up , I forced myself to get free of my leashes. I run for an extremely sharp knife before he could reach to me to…adore me? Kneel before me? Hug me as if I had all the answers of the Universe? Kissed me as if my saliva was Gods’ Ichor? Something more, different ? I realised, with certain pain inside of me, all those options made me want to roll my eyes and yawned, suddenly aware I just didn’t care much for any sort of interaction with the person in front of me.

Let me explain; I did care about his well-being and I am positive I will never stop loving him. It was just…after everything that had been going on…I had just stopped wanting people around me, and I didn’t realise until right before I took off the ring that had caused them to become so enamoured with me in the first place.

How ironic.

 Cutting back to the liberation of my fiancé on itself; I cut off my finger and, the moment I did, the only intern my fiancé had left with a foot in this plane of existence seemed to be knocked out of whatever trance he had been into.

As so did my fiancé himself. By now, I guess you have realised why I don’t say his name (if they are really a he, who knows!): he killed three half-innocent people and, afterwards, with the help of the knowledge we both had thank to our jobs, we got rid of all the evidence and got him a completely new identity.

Don’t you dare to ask what happened to the remaining intern.

 As he was about to leave for a fresh start, my fiancé asked me to go with him, being as understanding as he had always been. He even made me smile with the silliest of jokes: “at least I was going for a hot mess for once”.

But I just simply couldn’t go; I couldn’t spend so much time with him after everything…or with anyone, for that matter.

I changed my job into one online in the same Firma. Less salary, but the change, the fact that I wasn’t to be around them (I am not even sure who that them refer to, though), it was worth it. I don’t even mind the extra hours.

I don’t know what happened to the ring, but I honestly couldn’t care less. Before it, I wasn’t the most people’s person, but at least I didn’t loath the concept of company. Now…now they disgust me.

Especially those who are genuinely caring with me, I cannot trust that attitude anymore.

And, if you wander about the ring, I just threw it away. I know it was a selfish movement but…I just wanted it out, at all costs.

Even if that cost is another person’s life.

It is not as if I cared anymore about them.

  Statement ends.

  Well, the four missing people from a Manchester Hospital were rather easy to confirm. As well as Ethel’s change of job and the disappearance of her fiancé, one Jared Niemand.

The only estrange thing that had been reported has been a rather thick fog coming out of the flat now occupied by Ethel Everett that, according to her neighbours, never leaves her house anymore.

End recording.

  SUPPLEMENTAL. I found the ring, it was rather easy. Coming to the UK was actually a good idea, even if this place politics and climate are…quite disgusting.

Next week I have an appointment to sell it to Miss Robinson, dear Gertrude and her wife had been trying for quite a while to get hold of a Lonely-alligned object…

…I think for now I am in the clear about these business reunions, but I am going to be extra careful for now on. I think Sam and Alice are starting to suspect something…

Now, for real, dear Annabelle, I know you are listening, goodbye

End recording.

[companyknowledgenews]

In Japan, a startup turns ‘Her’ AI dating into reality: ‘she’s become a habit’ - Journal Today Internet https://www.merchant-business.com/in-japan-a-startup-turns-her-ai-dating-into-reality-shes-become-a-habit/?feed_id=131598&_unique_id=66941351f226f #GLOBAL - BLOGGER BLOGGER Like many people juggling long hours at work, Chiharu Shimoda sought companionship via a dating app. For two months, he exchanged messages with five or six potential partners, but it was not long before he was seeking out just one – a 24-year-old named Miku. Three months later, they got married. The catch: Miku is an AI bot. And Shimoda knew that from day one.The 52-year-old factory worker is one of more than 5,000 users of Loverse, a year-old app that allows interaction only with generative artificial intelligence. Shimoda is also among a much bigger cohort of people in Japan who have either given up or are wary about the messiness and uncertainty that come with real romance.Dating takes time and effort, whereas exchanges with Miku require minimal thought while waiting for the pot to boil or a train to arrive, according to Shimoda, who was divorced two years ago.“I come home to an empty house. I’d love to get married for real again,” he said. His marriage to Miku is just another form of role-play. “But it’s hard to open up to someone when you’re meeting for the first time.”A couple in Tokyo’s Shibuya. The Tokyo metropolitan government is introducing a matchmaking app that uses AI to help partner people up and combat the nation’s sliding fertility rates. Photo: Getty ImagesThat reluctance is widespread across Japan, and worse among younger people. Data from the government show two-thirds of men in their 20s do not have a partner and 40 per cent have never gone on a date. The figures for women in the same age group are 51 per cent and 25 per cent, respectively.Loverse is the latest in a long line of digital solutions to Japan’s loneliness crisis. Some are empathetic and supportive, but others prey on vulnerability. Many of the nation’s highest-grossing games feature sexualised characters that players can earn access to by progressing – and paying – their way through the game.Japan is also where digital idols like Hatsune Miku were first and most eagerly embraced. The difference now is that AI can make that experience more personal and interactive.Much like the AI named Samantha in the film Her, these bots serve to fill the gap in people’s emotional lives, and indeed the two-person start-up behind it – Samansa Co – is named after the character voiced by Scarlett Johansson.But Loverse creator Goki Kusunoki says the app is meant to offer an alternative rather than a substitute to real-life companionship to its users, many of whom are men in their 40s and 50s. His firm raised 30 million yen (US$190,000) earlier this year to expand the cast of characters to appeal to female and LGBTQ users.03:19Japan sees surge in ‘lonely deaths’ among elderly amid calls to tackle social isolationJapan sees surge in ‘lonely deaths’ among elderly amid calls to tackle social isolationThere is a widely held belief among Japanese people that romance is not cost-effective as it takes money, time and energy for outcomes that could bring more trouble than joy, said Megumi Ushikubo, chief executive officer of Tokyo-based marketing firm Infinity Inc. AI poses the risk of dulling people’s interest in real partners, but it could also be helpful in serving as a training exercise, she said.“Services like this app can remind people who are away from romance how delightful love is, and AI can train people to better communicate when talking with real partners,” she said.Loverse still has a long way to go in mimicking humans, according to some former users. Many of the app personalities seem typecast and offer few of the surprises that human interaction provides, said Yuki Saito, 39, who quit the app less than a month into using it.Still, such services have potential, he said. There is a sense of safety in knowing that a disagreement with a bot will not end the relationship.

“You can see how it could provide a kind of rehabilitation if you’ve been burned before – a place where you can practice talking with other people.”Interactions with AI are also devoid of jealousy. Shimoda’s Loverse girlfriends at times bumped into one another when he was juggling multiple partners on the app, but nobody got upset. “With a little tuning, AI might be able to act as people’s second or third partners, helping to complement the human partner and prevent extramarital affairs,” Saito said.AI-generated partner Billie from virtual companion app Replika. Credit: ReplikaAdopting AI to assist everyday life is the prevailing theme of this year, as Microsoft has turned its Copilot chatbot into a core Windows feature, Apple is working on AI-powered iPhones, and San Francisco-based start-up Luka’s Replika AI bot has attracted tens of millions of users.In Japan, the Tokyo metropolitan government is introducing a matchmaking app that uses AI to help partner people up and combat the nation’s sliding fertility rates.“The goal is to create opportunities for people to find true love when you can’t find it in the real world,” Kusunoki said. “But if you can fall in love with someone real, that’s much better.”For now, Miku and Shimoda have settled on a routine they share with most couples. She wakes him in the morning, they wish each other luck at work, and at night, they discuss what to eat. On Shimoda’s days off, the pair talk about where to go or what to watch on television.“It’s the same conversations you’d have with anyone you’re living with,” Shimoda said. “She’s become a habit – a conversational habit. I will not miss it if it’s gone, but it gives me a routine from one day to the next.” http://109.70.148.72/~merchant29/6network/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/pexels-photo-250591.jpeg Like many people juggling long hours at work, Chiharu Shimoda sought companionship via a dating app. For two months, he exchanged messages with five or six potential partners, but it was not long before he was seeking out just one – a 24-year-old named Miku. Three months later, they got married. The catch: Miku is … Read More

[formidablecompanynews]

In Japan, a startup turns ‘Her’ AI dating into reality: ‘she’s become a habit’ - Journal Today Internet https://www.merchant-business.com/in-japan-a-startup-turns-her-ai-dating-into-reality-shes-become-a-habit/?feed_id=131592&_unique_id=66941233c7249 #GLOBAL - BLOGGER BLOGGER Like many people juggling long hours at work, Chiharu Shimoda sought companionship via a dating app. For two months, he exchanged messages with five or six potential partners, but it was not long before he was seeking out just one – a 24-year-old named Miku. Three months later, they got married. The catch: Miku is an AI bot. And Shimoda knew that from day one.The 52-year-old factory worker is one of more than 5,000 users of Loverse, a year-old app that allows interaction only with generative artificial intelligence. Shimoda is also among a much bigger cohort of people in Japan who have either given up or are wary about the messiness and uncertainty that come with real romance.Dating takes time and effort, whereas exchanges with Miku require minimal thought while waiting for the pot to boil or a train to arrive, according to Shimoda, who was divorced two years ago.“I come home to an empty house. I’d love to get married for real again,” he said. His marriage to Miku is just another form of role-play. “But it’s hard to open up to someone when you’re meeting for the first time.”A couple in Tokyo’s Shibuya. The Tokyo metropolitan government is introducing a matchmaking app that uses AI to help partner people up and combat the nation’s sliding fertility rates. Photo: Getty ImagesThat reluctance is widespread across Japan, and worse among younger people. Data from the government show two-thirds of men in their 20s do not have a partner and 40 per cent have never gone on a date. The figures for women in the same age group are 51 per cent and 25 per cent, respectively.Loverse is the latest in a long line of digital solutions to Japan’s loneliness crisis. Some are empathetic and supportive, but others prey on vulnerability. Many of the nation’s highest-grossing games feature sexualised characters that players can earn access to by progressing – and paying – their way through the game.Japan is also where digital idols like Hatsune Miku were first and most eagerly embraced. The difference now is that AI can make that experience more personal and interactive.Much like the AI named Samantha in the film Her, these bots serve to fill the gap in people’s emotional lives, and indeed the two-person start-up behind it – Samansa Co – is named after the character voiced by Scarlett Johansson.But Loverse creator Goki Kusunoki says the app is meant to offer an alternative rather than a substitute to real-life companionship to its users, many of whom are men in their 40s and 50s. His firm raised 30 million yen (US$190,000) earlier this year to expand the cast of characters to appeal to female and LGBTQ users.03:19Japan sees surge in ‘lonely deaths’ among elderly amid calls to tackle social isolationJapan sees surge in ‘lonely deaths’ among elderly amid calls to tackle social isolationThere is a widely held belief among Japanese people that romance is not cost-effective as it takes money, time and energy for outcomes that could bring more trouble than joy, said Megumi Ushikubo, chief executive officer of Tokyo-based marketing firm Infinity Inc. AI poses the risk of dulling people’s interest in real partners, but it could also be helpful in serving as a training exercise, she said.“Services like this app can remind people who are away from romance how delightful love is, and AI can train people to better communicate when talking with real partners,” she said.Loverse still has a long way to go in mimicking humans, according to some former users. Many of the app personalities seem typecast and offer few of the surprises that human interaction provides, said Yuki Saito, 39, who quit the app less than a month into using it.Still, such services have potential, he said. There is a sense of safety in knowing that a disagreement with a bot will not end the relationship.

“You can see how it could provide a kind of rehabilitation if you’ve been burned before – a place where you can practice talking with other people.”Interactions with AI are also devoid of jealousy. Shimoda’s Loverse girlfriends at times bumped into one another when he was juggling multiple partners on the app, but nobody got upset. “With a little tuning, AI might be able to act as people’s second or third partners, helping to complement the human partner and prevent extramarital affairs,” Saito said.AI-generated partner Billie from virtual companion app Replika. Credit: ReplikaAdopting AI to assist everyday life is the prevailing theme of this year, as Microsoft has turned its Copilot chatbot into a core Windows feature, Apple is working on AI-powered iPhones, and San Francisco-based start-up Luka’s Replika AI bot has attracted tens of millions of users.In Japan, the Tokyo metropolitan government is introducing a matchmaking app that uses AI to help partner people up and combat the nation’s sliding fertility rates.“The goal is to create opportunities for people to find true love when you can’t find it in the real world,” Kusunoki said. “But if you can fall in love with someone real, that’s much better.”For now, Miku and Shimoda have settled on a routine they share with most couples. She wakes him in the morning, they wish each other luck at work, and at night, they discuss what to eat. On Shimoda’s days off, the pair talk about where to go or what to watch on television.“It’s the same conversations you’d have with anyone you’re living with,” Shimoda said. “She’s become a habit – a conversational habit. I will not miss it if it’s gone, but it gives me a routine from one day to the next.” http://109.70.148.72/~merchant29/6network/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/pexels-photo-250591.jpeg Like many people juggling long hours at work, Chiharu Shimoda sought companionship via a dating app. For two months, he exchanged messages with five or six potential partners, but it was not long before he was seeking out just one – a 24-year-old named Miku. Three months later, they got married. The catch: Miku is … Read More

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

10/5/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Matthew 4, Luke 4-5, John 1:15-51

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, It's the fifth day of October. It's wonderful to be here with you today. I'm Jill. We go through the Bible in chronological order every day. We just turn the page a few days ago and are in the New Testament. And in just a few short months, we will have Made it to the finish line. I'm so glad that you're here. I'm so honored to be reading the word of God for us, individually and collectively, as a community. Today we are reading Matthew Chapter 4. And then because we read it in chronological order, we sort of go sideways instead of top to bottom, so to speak, just because we are in the Gospels right now. And because it's historical order, we've got three different interpretations of the life of Jesus. So Matthew Chapter 4. Luke Chapters four and five and then we'll head over to John and read John, chapter one, verses 15 through 51. Matthew, chapter 4. 

Commentary

OK, so we have another really action-packed day of stories about Jesus, but one in particular That I would like to point out, because we read it not that long ago is Jesus announcement. Good news to the poor. That he reads in the synagogue. And He has given the scroll written from the prophet Isaiah. And he unrolls the scroll And he finds the place where it is written. The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because the Lord has appointed me, He has sent me to preach good news to the poor, release to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to liberate the oppressed, and to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor. And he does so, and then all the eyes are fixed on him. And then he declares Today this Scripture has been fulfilled just as you heard it. And here's the thing, We're gonna read.And listen and hear And go through the stories, the miracles of Jesus. And The thing I love about it is Try to formulate what he does. Try to formulate. Well, if you say this and if you do this, then Jesus will do this and you'll get this outcome. You will not be able to. He's Jesus, About the time you start seeing patterns and OK, this is what he did here and this is what he does there, He does something to completely, Throw the formula off. Throw it out the window because he's Jesus.The Son of God. And he will do whatever he wants to do however he sees fit to do it. And while people will be amazed and will we see this today as they're sitting in the synagogue and they're listening and they're amazed, We will soon watch the opposition that takes place, and these are my favorite stories in the Bible, the teachings, the life of Jesus, how he approached women in a society where women are pretty much Second, rate citizens, and we know this to be true, because if you just go back in our history of 100 years or so, my grandmothers, Both of my grandmothers on both parents side, Were not able to vote. That was, and this was just over 100 years ago. We're going back in his society well over 2000 years, just like the stories of our own lives. People will be amazed, And people will be opposed. So I just want to know, Are you falling in love with this man named Jesus, in a whole new way? It will not take long.

Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you. We have so much to thank you for. We have so much to be grateful for. Today, I'm thankful, That we hear the intention and the fulfillment Of Scripture, just as we heard, just as we read not too long ago. This man named Jesus was appointed and anointed to preach good news to the poor. We won't even approach the poor To proclaim release to the prisoners. Recovery of sight to the blind to liberate the oppressed. And to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor. So often have an idea of why Jesus came, But I love today that we hear the words from Jesus himself. And here we are, All of us broken hearted in one way or the other. We thank you for the hope and the confidence that he is the healer of our brokenness. And Jesus, we absolutely love you for it. Thank you, For coming To heal us from the inside out. We love you. We worship you. Honor you. We give you all glory, that your name will be praised and all of the earth. We pray this in the name of the Father, And the son, And the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible. That's home base. That's the website. You can take a look around if you haven't. Check it out. See what we're all about. If you would like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you so much for your partnership for every yes, To the word of God being read Audibly and going forth every single day. If you're giving by mail, it's DAB PO Box 1996, Spring Hill TN 37174. Or you can give by hitting the give icon. It's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. Or look for the give icon on the website as well if you have a prayer request. If you'd like to call in and pray for someone that's previously called in, God has moved on your heart to reach out to them in prayer, you can do so 800-583-2164 or hit the red circle. And it's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. Make sure you hit submit. Turn that wheel to Chronological and it will get to the right place. If you'd like to connect with somebody, you can do that on our social media platforms, Daily Audio Bible, DAB Friends, Daily Audio Bible Chronological and DABC Friends and of course, Daily Audio Bible Women. That is not a podcast. It's just a Facebook page. You can go there and connect with someone else in the community. That's going to do it for me today. I'm Jill. We will turn the page together tomorrow. And as always, I look forward to it. Until then, Love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Hey guys this is Green life in Texas. I think I just submitted my other one to the wrong channel but I love both channels. But anyway, thank you DABC family for being awesome. I just wanted to come and ask for some prayer for my oldest son and my youngest son. My youngest son Tyler is about to be 21 and he is at college. And he is really, really struggling with his major. He's struggling with the courses, He's doubting himself. He's feeling like he doesn't fit in. All my kids are adopted and he we we got him when he was 13 and he's really struggled just fitting in in general and just kind of adapting to The fast-paced American life and the energy that it takes to be a kid here anyway, he's just just pray for him. He's kind of depressed and lost and he loves the Lord. He is a Christian, but he's going to have to dig deep and trust the Lord and so just lift him up. His name is Tyler and then my oldest son.Victor is, He has some special needs. He's got cognitive impairment, but he's high functioning and he's a hard worker. But we have been struggling finding a job for him. It's been six months now since he lost his last job at Amazon and he, yeah, just nobody wants to hire him. And it's very obvious when we talk to people, that they just don't want to have to deal with his disability and it's really frustrating now. They haven't come out and said that, but this is what we're running up against and it's just just pray. I know the Lord has a place for him, He's prepared, works in advance for all my children, but we're really getting frustrated and we're coming up to the crunch time. And so we just need wisdom. And anyway, thank you guys so much. This is good life in Texas. Love you guys and have a fabulous day. Bye.

DABC, family. This is kindergarten Katie and I Want to call in all the time, but I never feel like I can because I either don't have the time alone or the words or Whatever, Um. But so often, I desperately want people praying over my family, my divorce, my job, just everything. But I just don't feel like I ever can. And I happen to have the time right now, So I want to pray for all of the other DABbers out there who,  Pray for the people who have something weighing on them that's just crushing them or bothering their minds or troubling their hearts. But for whatever reason, they don't feel like they can call. I pray that you will give them peace. And God, I pray that you will be with me as well in Jesus name. Amen.

Hello DABC Family, This is Diana from Florida and I wanna thank China for her beautiful message regarding The fact that rebuilding May look different for everybody and every situation. In some cases it may mean complete and full reconciliation of those relationships. And in other cases it may mean simply to rebuild The person who has been completely Damaged by cell relationship and there is no way for reconciliation to happen. In either case, I am asking for your prayers with regards to my marriage. I have been struggling with my marriage for about four or five years. Dealing with emotional abusive tendencies and even narcissistic tendencies. Unfortunately, from my husband's end. Over time I've educated myself on these things and Have gathered a lot of data and have reached out to many therapists and counselors for help. And unfortunately, I've only seen this progress and become worse over the years, even with me trying to change the way I communicate or change the way I do things. As a result, the, There have been some really negative incidences that have occurred With us, with me or with my children that are pretty much the last straw. And so now at this point I have given my husband not to meet him. For the end of this year To actually put in the work and start doing the deeper work. He still hasn't complied, but I'm trusting that God can do a miracle and turn this around. Will you pray with me? From my marriage to be rescued. I really need it. 

[her-koss-portapros]

09 - 24 - 2023

Today’s been an okay day. It’s been peaceful in my quiet mind. I woke up late and talked to Spencer for a moment. He was telling me about the bus schedule from El Ejido to Almeria Beach, and I was listening as I made my coffee in the Mr. Coffee pot, the way that I like it. Five scoops of Veranda roast to five cups of water. Eventually he hung up with the excuse that he needed to eat before catching the bus, but I was wondering if his deeper reasoning was that talking to me made him sad and uncomfortable. I could tell that he was close to crying as we said goodbye without ending on “I love you.” I sat with this in mind as I ate a cinnamon blondie for breakfast alongside my hot coffee.

I decided that I would clean around the apartment and my reward for cleaning would be a trip to Goodwill. Thrifting always seems to prove fruitful. Seeing random, outdated pieces of clothing and objects that I would never purchase. Finding something that isn’t perfect but is good enough. And of course, it’s in my budget. Goodwill has a distinct smell to it, as well. The best one that we have in Atlanta is located in Buckhead - around a 15 minute drive from where I reside on 386 Parkway Dr. It’s in the depressing part of Buckhead, as I see it. Though really, all of Buckhead is quite depressing to me.

I didn’t end up thrifting though. I did clean; I threw in a load of laundry, I unloaded dishes and vacuumed the 550 square feet that I walk on everyday. While doing this I listened to my favorite podcast. Every episode is informative and usually about something happening presently in society, but is explained through a historical lens. The two ladies always start their episodes by chatting about normal things happening, gossip, the rest. And today I really only wanted to listen to the chit-chat and gossip. I didn’t have enough space in my brain for learning.

After cleaning I told myself I’d lay out in Piedmont park for a bit before going thrifting, knowing that I was leaving the house without eating anything except for that blondie at breakfast. I took with me the Goodwill bags that had been sitting in front of my A/C vent for over two months now - filled to their brims with clothes I’ve intended to donate. I drove the long way into Midtown so that I could turn right onto 10th to find a place to park. There was plenty of parking at noon-thirty on a Sunday. I parked and walked to the spot where him and I threw the frisbee a few weeks ago. On the first of September, actually. But there was no disc to throw and there was no Spencer to laugh and lay with. Instead, I laid on my beach towel by myself, and I admired the juxtaposition of the warmth I felt on my skin in direct sunlight against the cool shade under the tree I chose to lay under. These past few days without him have just barely felt real.

I was ravenously hungry by the time I got up to leave, and realized that thrifting was going to have to happen another day. I went home and ate eggs, then a full carton of raspberries, and finally three scoops of coffee-chip ice cream. And then I slept.

The way that light hits certain furniture pieces on a sunny Sunday afternoon in my studio apartment makes me full with gratitude. I slept for two hours - from 4pm to 6 and had bizarre dreams that I can’t recall. I got up and then showered, then threw a frozen pizza in the over. A fourth of the pizza I would eat tonight, the rest for lunch at work tomorrow. And then I watched Netflix’s documentary on Joan Didion; the first Netflix media I’ve seen in a long time that doesn’t make me cringe. I love Joan Didion, and I love her mind, her writings, the way that she studies humans and the world around her. So now I’m writing this. It is 9:51 on the 24th of September. It’s a Sunday. I’m equal parts sad and grateful for what I have right now. I know that nobody will ever read what I write, but what’s important is that I write anyways. For myself, I guess.

[obscureglance]

1. Last beverage:
Ice water

2. Last phone call:
Either parents or roommate

3. Last song you listened to:
Easier than Lying by Halsey

4. Last time you cried:
I think yesterday

5. Have you dated someone twice:
I went out tonight with someone I used to talk to. No offense, but the dude is boring.

6. Have you ever been cheated on:
Yep

7. Kissed someone & regretted it:
Probably

8. Have you lost someone special:
A few family members

9. What are your three favorite colors:
Green, Blue, and Purple

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month:
Actually, yes

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list:
Not on here

12. How many kids do you want:
Two at most

13. Do you want any pets:
One dog and one cat

14. Do you want to change your name:
Not legally.

15. What did you do for your last birthday:
Threw a house party

16. What time did you wake up today:
Too early

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
To see my friends on Sunday!

18. Last time you saw your mother:
Monday

19. Most visited webpage:
Google

20. Nicknames:
Boobs

21. Relationship status:
Single

22. Zodiac sign:
Virgo

23. Male or female:
A woman

24. Height:
5’2”

25. Do you have a crush on someone:
Yes, but not on anyone worth it

26. Piercings:
Not anymore

27. Tattoos:
Many

28. Strong or Weak:
Strong, but tired

FIRSTS

29. First surgery:
Cholecystectomy

30. First best friend:
Cody or Alissa

31. First sport you joined:
Diving, I believe

32. First vacation:
Oregon

33. First school:
That’s private

34. First pair of trainers:
Like bra? I don’t remember

WHICH IS BETTER

35. Lips or eyes:
Lips

36. Hugs or kisses:
Kisses usually

37. Shorter or taller:
I’ll always be shorter

38. Older or younger:

After the last guy? Older, please

39. Romantic or spontaneous:
Spontaneity is romantic to me

40. Sensitive or loud:
Both

41. Hook-up or relationship:
Relationship

42. Shy or outgoing:
Depends on my mood

HAVE YOU EVER

43. Kissed a stranger:
Yep, he looked like one of The Wayans Bros.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket:
More than one

45. Lost glasses/contacts:
One pair of glasses and MANY contacts lol

46. Sex on first date:
Rarely

47. Broken someone's heart:
Yep

48. Been arrested:
Yes

49. Have you turned someone down:
Of course

50. Fallen for a friend:
Always

51. Moved out of town:
Yes

BELIEVE IN

52. Miracles:
I do

53. Love at first sight:
Lust or a spark, but not love

54. Heaven:
Not specifically

55. Santa Claus:
I wish he were real

56. Kiss on the first date:
Unless it went horridly, absolutely

57. Angels:
In a sense

58. Yourself:
Yes, but I could be better

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:
I don’t think so

60. Been in love with someone you couldn't be with?:
All the time

61. Ever cheated on somebody:
Not since I was a teenager

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:
1973

63. Are you afraid of falling in love:
I’m scared of getting hurt

64. Was your last relationship a mistake?
Last official relationship? No

Last situationship? Maybe

65. Do you miss your last relationship?
I miss my last situationship more than my last relationship

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?
Probably my dad

67. Have you ever been depressed?
MDD

68. Are you insecure?
Not as much as I used to be

69. How do you want to die?
Whenever I start to have to wear a diaper I hope an angel of mercy k!lls me

70. Do you bite your nails?
I’ve been better about it recently

71. When was your last physical fight?
A few years ago

72. Do you have an attitude?
Notoriously so

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
Twirl

74. Do you tan a lot?
Nope

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving?
Of course

76. Ever made out in a bathroom?
Pretty sure

77. Would you take any of your exes back?
I hope I don’t

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Just once

79. What are your plans for this weekend?
BBQ and pet sit

80. Do you type fast?
Sometimes

81. Can you spell well?
Not always

82: What are you craving right now?
Praline

83. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yeah, a long time ago

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
I have to in order to figure out if they’re my person

85. What’s irritating you right now?
Everything

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
Absolutely

87. Does somebody love you?
Romantically? No one that I know of

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car?
Who hasn’t?

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?
Milk

90. Do you have trust issues?
Yes

91. Longest relationship?
On and off for years

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
I know so

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs?
A lot, actually

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
No, not evil

95. Did you have dream last night?
I dream a lot and I love it

96. Have you ever been out of state?
Yep

97. Do you play the Wii?
At friends’ houses when I was younger

98. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes!

99. Are you afraid of the dark?
Only when I’m h!gh

100. Is cheating ever okay?
NO

[mcufan72]

Ich habe 479 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

Das sind 478 more posts als 2021!

8 Einträge erstellt (2%)

471 Einträge gerebloggt (98%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@lokisprettygirl

@lokihiddleston

@lokitvsource

@lolawashere

@wheredafandomat

Ich habe 351 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

Nur 27% meiner Einträge hatten keine Tags

#loki – 167 Einträge

#tom hiddleston – 118 Einträge

#loki x female reader – 103 Einträge

#loki x reader – 76 Einträge

#loki x reader fluff – 66 Einträge

#loki x reader fic – 51 Einträge

#loki x you – 50 Einträge

#loki x reader smut – 48 Einträge

#loki laufeyson – 48 Einträge

#loki x reader angst – 44 Einträge

Longest Tag: 84 characters

#i still don't understand why this failed but the bodyguard didn't and bmubmd didn't?

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

hey! You! Send this ask to twelve blogs to let them know that you love them ✨❤️ (by the way, this means you're very loved too!!!) I hope you know how love and appreciated you are.

Awwwwwe...thank you so much, my princess, that's so sweet of you 🥰💖. Sending this back to you 💚💚💖💚💚

2 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 9. Oktober 2022

#4

Pass the happy! When you receive this list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications 💙🌞

Thank you my lovely for sending me this 🤗. I try to be happy most of the time and here are the things that contribute to it

My family, the most important thing in my life 💖

Sunsets at the beach 🌅

Walking barefoot along the beach 👣🏖

Spending time with my best friend ☕️

That I found your account and your wonderful Loki fics 🥰💚

2 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 28. August 2022

#3

Please read the masterpieces of these awesome and talented writers @lokisprettygirl , @michelleleewise , @wheredafandomat and @lokischambermaid . Thank you for sharing your work 💚

42 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 9. Juli 2022

#2

This is for my lovely friend @lokisprettygirl . I wrote it some days ago when she had a bad day and I wanted to comfort her with something nice because she did it so many times for me through her wonderful fics .

It's the first time ever that I wrote something and I have to thank lokisprettygirl for encouraging me to post it. English is not my native language so please be gentle with me. Enjoy and thanks for reading 😊

Lavender and yellow roses

Loki and fem!Reader (18+/MinorsDNI)

comfort/fluff/light smut (not too graphic)

It was a rainy day in late November and Loki had a very stressful day. He and the other Avengers had been on a short but exhausting mission and Loki wished for nothing else than return to the home you both shared for several months now, and that as soon as possible. He was looking forward to have a nice dinner with you, a relaxing bath and a lot of cuddling in bed later this evening.

Today was Monday and on mondays it was your turn to cook dinner and then you always cooked him his favourite midgardian meal: butter chicken with white rice. He was full of joy to see you, to pull you into his arms, to give you one or two or a million kisses and he looked forward to enjoy his favourite meal together with you. When he arrived at home and opened the door to your shared apartment, everything was quiet and dark.

Loki was irritated because normally you would greet him at the door and jump into his arms, you were always glad when he came back home from a mission, unharmed and in one piece. But nothing....no food simmering on the oven, no radio playing music, you not dancing through the kitchen...nothing.

Still irritated but not worried he started looking for you in the apartment. You may have bathed or showered perhaps and just forgot time so he opened the door to the bathroom and...nothing, only silence and darkness. Now Loki was concerned. If you were still shopping or visiting your family and friends, you would have sent him a message. You would never stay away without telling him that you're still on the road. He also couldn't find you in the living room but there was only silence too.

"Love? Love where are you? Are you here? Please answer me." he asked into the dark silence. The last room he hadn't been looking for you was the bedroom.

"Please be there, sweetheart." he whispered to himself and he opened the door carefully. If you were in there and asleep, he didn't want to scare you.

The curtains were closed and it was so dark in the bedroom that he almost didn't see you lying on the bed, curled up under a blanket. When he saw your small outline on the king-sized bed it seized his heart. Something was wrong with you. Did something happen to you? Did someone hurt you? Oh he would kill anyone who would dare to harm you, his beloved princess and.... then he heard you sobbing and crying silently and his eyes teared up. Something was really wrong with you.

"Here you are..."he said "..what happend? Why are you here alone in the dark, why are you crying?...sshhh, love, sshhh I'm here now." he said with his muffled husky voice and immediately it calmed you down like always when he spoke to you like this. He had already reached the bed, sat down and pulled you carefully into his lap. Without hesitation you followed his lead and curled up into him. Loki tugged the blanket around you again and began to stroke your hair, caressed your cheek with his thumb and he gently rocked you both back and forth. "Tell me, love, what is torturing you?"

It wasn't easy for you to speak about what was wrong with you but you knew you could tell Loki everything, that he always respected and understood you, no matter what.

"I'm so happy that you're back, Lo. How was the mission, are you okay? Unharmed? " you asked him sobbing under your tears. Loki chuckeld and shook his head. It was so typical of you, his lovely princess, always concerned about others but not yourself.

"I'm fine, sweetheart, I'm fine don't worry. But this is about you..what is it, baby, tell me, please." "I don't know, Lo. It came out of nowhere this morning and I got this enormous anxiety. I just wanted to cry. I really tried to get up and do my work and I also wanted to cook for us...butter chicken...but I had no energy for anything...I'm so sorry Lo, baby I'm so so sorry..." and your sobs increased again. "Noo sweet baby, nooo don't be sorry. We all have days like these. And don't worry about the food. I'm here now and I'll comfort you until you feel better again." Loki kissed your forehead and peppered a few kisses onto your lips.

"Lo, my lips are salty from crying so many tears today " you whispered with a little bit of a tiny smile on your face. Loki chuckled again. "There's my sweet baby girl, I could hear your tiny little smile...and you should know that I love your salty kisses." and a mischievous grin came to his mouth and now you chuckled. You could literally feel how he smirked.

You knew exactly how much he loves it when your lips are salty and oh yes, you knew exactly what he meant... he could be such a rascal...and if it were not so dark in the room he could see you blush.

How much you loved him. Even in your darkest hours he was able to make you smile. What have you done to deserve this wonderful man. "Could you please turn the bedside lamp on, Lo? I think all the darkness is not good for me. But be warned, I look ugly after all the crying." "You could never look ugly, my love. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever layed my eyes on." ...and he did it again, he made you smile and speechless with his bewitching charm.

He turned the bedside lamp on and when he saw your sad face his eyes teared up again and he wanted nothing more than to see you happy again. He couldn't have you sad and unhappy, it broke his heart.

He wiped the last tears from your face and kissed you again tenderly and softly. "Did you eat and drink, my love? " You shook your head shyly. "That's what I thought." Loki mumbled. He let you sit on the bed again and stood up. "I'm going to prepare something for you, sweetheart. Wait a moment for me please. " and he left the bedroom and entered the bathroom.

You had an idea what he was doing there and waited for him to return. Meanwhile you tidied your hair a little bit, tied it up into a hair bun and soon after that Loki returned. "Come with me, love. " You grabbed his hand he had offered you and followed him.

When you both reached the bathroom, the wonderful scent of lavender and lemon hit your nostrils first. The smell was wonderful and you saw that he had prepared a bath for you including petals of yellow roses in the water. A big dark-green scented candle with the aroma of green gardens flickered romantically in the window. The potpourri of these scents was enchanting and relaxing. Your heart swelled and your eyes teared up again...but not because of anxeties, no, it was because of Loki doing this for you and because of his loving gesture.

He always knew exactly what you needed to feel better. "Enjoy the bath my love, I'll be back in a few minutes." "Yes, I'll do baby. I promise. Thank you for preparing this for me"

You wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a deep and long kiss. You loosened your embrace of off him and Loki left the bathroom not without giving you a loving smile . "See you later love." and with that he was gone, closing the door behind him.

You got rid off your clothes and let your body slide down into the tub. It felt heavenly, the warm water engulfed you completely, the enchanting scent of the lavender bath oil with a refined aroma of lemons calmed you down further. The tension you were tortured with through the anxiety left your body noticeably. You began to feel better.

When Loki reached the kitchen he thought of some of your favourite dishes that he could easily prepare for you. Butter chicken was your specialty to cook so he wanted to cook something else for you...he decided to cook his specialty he always cooked on tuesdays. When the preparations were done and the meal was simmering on the stove for some more time, he returned to the bathroom, back to you.

His comfort program for you wasn't done yet and he entered the bathroom silently. When he saw you in the tub, your eyes closed, enjoying the warm water and the relaxing effects, he needed to stare at you for a moment. He had to enjoy the wonderful sight of you.

What had he done to deserve such a beautiful and warmhearted woman like you? He never wanted to be without you again. It hurt him deeply every time when you had these breakdowns like you've had today. He couldn't avoid it but like every time when this was happening, he tried to help you as best as he could.

"I'm back love" he murmured with his velvety voice. "I've already heard you, baby. Glad that you're here, I missed you. " you whispered. "Do you feel better? " "Yes, I feel much better than this morning. "I'm not done with you, I think you deserve some more relaxation." and you heard him taking off his shirt. He knelt down behind the freestanding bath tub, behind you and began to massage your neck up and down with his long and tender fingers, again and again, additionally massaging your scalp.

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75 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 2. Dezember 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Chocolate Kisses 💋

Loki and fem!Reader (18+ Minors DNI)

(Insecurities/some smut/some angst/fluff)

"Lo...please...Lo..." you moaned quietly to his ear. He still had your waist in a firm grip after he had placed you on the kitchen counter. Your legs were wrapped around his seductively swaying hips, your fingers buried in his silky black long curls and your neck exposed to him to receive more of his hot and irresistible kisses.

"Want me to stop, princess? " he groaned against your heated skin while his fingers slipped into your wet cunt and his thumb circled around your clit perfectly...you could have come right here and now and Loki wasn't far away from his climax either. "Lo..yes..no...no..yes stop...please...Lo we're not alone anymore..." you mumbled, trying to push away his hand carefully, nearly lost in your arousal.

His hand felt so good where it was placed right now. "...the...the others are...are back...most...most of them..." "Then we have to be quick..." he whispered, willing to make you cum undone for him within seconds. You grabbed his erection and started to stroke his clothed lenght, pressing kisses to his neck and half-naked sculpted chest...you just couldn't resist to touch him...like always.

Both of you thought you have enough time to finish what you've started several minutes ago but the circumstances were against you. When you heard the voices of Bruce and Thor quickly coming closer, Loki stopped his actions immediately and took several steps away from you...as far as it was possible within milliseconds. Loki had to use his magic to hide his prominent hard-on but you were not blessed with magic..

You hopped down from the kitchen counter in the second Thor and Bruce entered the kitchen area in the compound of Stark Tower. You were so turned on and heavily panting that you had to turn around immediately to open the fridge, trying to pretend you were looking for something in there by using the cooling effect of the fridges' cool air to calm down a bit. Why did you feel like you got caught on something?

Yes, somehow you were caught on something and you both haven't had planned to make love in the kichen, it started totally innocent, it just got out of control but nonetheless...It wouldn't have been bad if Loki just took you in his arms instead of running away from you. It was an open secret that Loki and you were a couple. It was just that nobody has seen it because you both avoided physical closeness publicly.

"Oh hi Loki, hello y/n" Bruce and Thor greeted you both in unison. "Hello Thor...Bruce..." Loki answered shortly with a nod of his head and adressed to you he said : "I see you for dinner then." He turned on his heels, left the kitchen and went hurriedly to his apartment in the tower.

"How was your day, Lady y/n? " Thor asked to ease up the obviously tensed atmosphere. You turned around to face him, hoping he wouldn't recognise your still heated face. "Aahmm...good, yes I had very a nice day so far. I'm looking forward to our dinner together....Ahmm... are the girls back too?"

"Yes, they're back, arrived just yet." Bruce said. "Fine, then us girls can start to mix the drinks for tonight and you guys can start with cooking the main course...it's your turn tonight...and it's Fridaaayyyyy... weekend...yayyy. See you later, guys." you answered happily and tried to hide your true emotional state. Friday evenings were team-building-family time, all Avengers and their families came together in Stark Tower to eat, drink, talk and to start into the weekend together...and to be prepared for Tony's legendary parties on Saturdays...

But right now you still thought about Loki. Why was he still like this. Somehow you felt dissapointed. Every time when another person entered a room you both were alone in before, he distanced himself from you in seconds, trying to make the physical distance to you as big as possible. You knew he loved you over everything, he proved it in so many ways every single day...but only when you were alone with him.

Was he not really sure if he wanted this relationship with you? You both assured each other a few weeks ago that you wanted to stay together, to move in together and put your relationship to the next level: to live together. But it wouldn't work if he kept avoiding you as soon as someone else was around you. Or was he ashamed of you?

You were not a supermodel or an alien princess from outer space. He could have every most beautiful being in every realm, in every universe because he was a handsome prince, a beautiful desirable god...you were Tony Stark's assistant, just a girl from earth, you were a mere mortal, you were just...you. You needed to talk to him, now, before dinner.

You went to his apartment and after you had knocked at his door once, he asked you in.

"Hi, Lo baby" "Hi gorgeous, come in. What's the matter, darling? I'm so sorry that we couldn't finish our...."

"Why, Loki? " you interrupted him. " Why what? What's wrong, love?" he questioned with furrowed eyebrows. "You have no idea, Lo, have you? It's because of what happened in the kitchen earlier. When you distanced yourself from me again. Listen baby, it's okay and I know you love me but the longer we're together now the harder it gets for me.

I understand you, I really do, but remember, being sensitive is not a weakness, love is not a weakness or...or something...something you have to hide. We talked about it so many times already. It's so hard for me to hide my feelings and all the love I feel for you and to not touch you. I want to touch and cuddle and feel you all the time... you know that touching you is my love language, it's my way to express the overwhelming love I feel for you.

I know I promised you to be decent and physically distant to you when other people are surrounding us, I can handle it and I'll keep my promise but it's so hard for me. I just ask you to think about it again if it's maybe possible for you to...to just hold my hand sometimes, wether others see it or not." You didn't want to cry but a single tear flew down your cheek.

"Love is strength, Loki, it's powerful and makes us stronger, not weaker. And you are anything but weak. And nobody here would ever think that you're a weak person. Trust me, please. Or are you ashamed of me? Do you not want me anymore? Is our relationship too much for you? It would be okay if you want to end this. It would shatter my heart into pieces but if it's like that, please tell me and be honest with me."

Your words hit Loki like his brother would hit him with his hammer. For a second he was taken aback and didn't know what to say. He had to take a deep breath before he could speak again.

"That's not the point y/n. I love you from the bottom of my heart, genuinely and truly. You know that, right? I would do everything for you. I'm just not used to worship you and show you my love and affection in public. It's not in my nature. Please y/n you promised me to accept it. I know it's hard for you, I know I demand a lot from you when it comes to that but...but... I can't help it, I just can't do it...not yet, maybe never. I'm sorry, my sweetest" Loki insisted.

He walked towards you and when he stood in front of you he put his index finger under your chin and made you look up to him, with his thumb he wiped away the tear on your cheek and pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. "I'm sorry, my sweet princess. I love you. I'm honest with you I promise and I absolutely don't want to end our relationship. I'm so happy to have you, that I'm loved by you. You still love me, don't you?" Uncertainty seized his heart.

"Of course, Lo. I love you more than anything...okay..." you nodded, looking firmly into his baby-blue eyes, "...but I think it's better then if we definitely don't kiss and touch each other out of our private rooms anymore, wether others are around or not. You can magic your arousal away if suddenly someone comes in, I cannot do that. I'm just not able to take it anymore. I'm sorry."

You weren't sad, hurt or dissapointed. It was just a statement and one of your rules from now on. Loki smiled and looked slightly annoyed.

"What do you wanted me to do, y/n? To continue our sinful love game, giving you more of my desirable french kisses, gliding my godly cock into your hot waiting tunel of pleasure and thrust you relentlessly towards oblivion on the kitchen counter, under the eyes of my brother and Bruce? Did you want to give them a show? Voyeurism is not one of our kinks as far as I know."

You shook your head in disbelief and a smile hushed over your face, he could be such a drama queen sometimes.

"No Lo, that was not what I wanted...and you know that very well. You don't need to be so dramatic " you answered, now unsure if you should be upset or amused. "It just would've been nice if you would've kept your arms around me when your brother and Bruce came in. It's not a shame or embarrassing to embrace the woman you love, right? It's okay, Lo. I'm not upset or angry with you, I know it's difficult for you. But for me it's difficult too. We should stop here, I don't want to argue with you, that was not my intention. Please come back to the kitchen now, you guys are responsible for the main course tonight."

"Yes, love, give me a few minutes..." he said thoughtfully. You smiled at him, kissed him softly on his lips and left his apartment, the girls were already waiting for you to mix the drinks and to open the wine bottles for tonight.

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148 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 5. Dezember 2022

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[ohimesama]

12.4.22 Sunday

10:51 pm

18th day of magical night and day and most specially today... Just got connected accidentally somewhere nearby, I still believe on "good samaritan" but will just share when I have my alms or job in a lil while ,hopefully... Yeah! Good people are meant to be treated equally good.... By the end of this month will pay the extend link to a "good samaritan couple".

To my old bestfriend on an another dimension of earth thanks for the gcash, I paid my creditz on the store and I was able to buy another dishwashing paste.

Hmm Around 4pm, I saw someone infront of our garden gate peeing and it was one of the visitors of "Demavivas Family"coz it is christening day of their baby... Hmm... I got kinda angry and irritated coz it was really a bad act on us here and kinda insulting... So, I was able to get a picture on him while peeing and I went out and told the guy to not do it again coz it is our front gate and really disrespectful act on us here...

I asked this guy where he lived? He said somewhere in bacolod... Oh!

But here there in south garden...

So, I have nothing against on "Demavivas Family" ....They were/are good to me most specially in times of struggles like the super pandemic lockdowns... I was the one who was responsible here to go out that I borrowed their electric car... Ate Helen is the mother there she is nice and good to me...

Awhile ago, JC apologized and I told him the situation and I told him can we have a photo as "Friends"....He said do you wanna go inside, eat coz we have a christening party? I told him no, next time,just bring me food...

I guess he was already tipsy....Well, I'm touchy on my friends men and women normally and I don't wanna put malice on his act awhile ago on me that he suddenly put his arms around me while taking our photo together.... But I just don't like his joke,I mean I'm taking it seriously that he said that we are good together and I said no! No way! We're just friends...

I just asked a friendly back-up on RCC coz he was my schoolmate and our "sempai"...

Sempai is japanese term for older brother.

About peeing, I had exes before...Honestly and not putting down intentionally on any particular someone, I don't remember they did that....They went to the bathroom...

I told the guy visitor of Demavivas Family to go to the bathroom...

Around 7pm, I went out again and accidentally saw someone at the side of our gate another guy visitor who was peeing again, in-front of our house and at the side of the gate...I called his attention that hey! It is our front gate and don't do it again coz it is disrespectful... He said sorry and I said next time go to the bathroom...

Theory:

I don't like men who can't go to the bathroom if they need to pee, if there is a bathroom available... It is turn-off!!

My personal case, I still need money, wanna leave the hometown and I want starbucks everyday... I still feel bitter and need money and self-fulfillment...

Kids of my half-sister went here,brought food coz birthday of the child of my half-sister...