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sk1fanfiction · 4 years ago

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the many faces of tom riddle, part 2

-you dislike frank dillane’s portrayal of tom riddle only because you don’t think he’s attractive-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION (and this time, featuring a bit of armchair child psych from a student).

Wait, don’t clutch your pearls just yet. Compose yourself.

I am about to explain why it’s not actually that bad, and Dillane’s portrayal is vastly underappreciated.

I definitely agree that his portrayal comes off as ‘creepier’. It’s not helped by the stylistic decisions in the scene -- the smeary, green filter gives the scene a sinister quality.

Even Slughorn looks suspect here, which is somewhat appropriate, given that he is complicit in this crime.

Again, this scene is very much intended to be slightly off.

You’ll notice (and I’ll discuss this again when I talk about Coulson’s portrayal) that Dillane is almost always shot from at least slightly below, which makes the lower third of his face look bigger (and thus more menacing). The lighting also makes his eyes glow in a really unnatural way. There’s an echo-y effect to make his voice (and not Slughorn’s) sound unnerving.

People talk about how Coulson would have looked in this scene, and if he was filmed in the same way (monotone, smeary/shadowy filter, and always from below), he’d look a bit creepy, too.

But all of this, imo, is for a pretty good reason. Slughorn isn’t the POV character. Harry is. Harry is learning about how a young Lord Voldemort wheedled the secret of Horcruxes out of an unsuspecting teacher. Unlike in COS, he expects Riddle to be evil. And, so, Harry’s new perception of Tom Riddle literally colors how we perceive him.

Take this shot, for example: he does that head-tilt thing that Coulson does, and it’s actually... kind of... cute???

Imagine Dillane filmed from slightly above, like Coulson usually is, and it looks even more innocent. (I mean, come on, he does not look like he’s killed four people, does he?) It’s not hard to imagine teachers being taken in by this kind of act.

Even that little smirk he does when the camera (aka, Harry’s gaze) pans in, is for Harry’s benefit. No one else noticed that.

However, I still fail to find this creepy, like, at all. Yes, it’s a fake smile, but he’s portraying a different side of Tom Riddle to Coulson. Whereas, in COS, he’s in his vindictive, murderous element, where he’s free to express himself, in this scene, Tom Riddle is doing what he does best -- manipulating and managing appearances.

This entire scene is an act. And because Harry knows it’s an act, it should look a bit stilted.

From the Hepzibah Smith scene in the books: Voldemort smiled mechanically and Hepzibah simpered.

So, Harry is pretty adept at parsing Tom’s fake expressions.

But just look at the expressiveness in his face: he goes from brooding, he blinks, and his entire face changes to this charming (fake) smile.

At the risk of sounding elitist, I’m a bit tired of seeing the word ‘psychopath’, which is not an actual medical diagnosis recognised by any psychological or psychiatric institution, being tossed about, especially with reference to Tom Riddle (and from a neuroscience perspective, it’s doubly annoying). There’s no such thing as ‘insanity’ or ‘psychopathy’ or being ‘crazy.’

-although I use it too a shorthand in conversation to distinguish ‘canon’ Tom from his ‘softer’ OOC counterparts, I really shouldn’t-

Unfortunately, I’ve seen the ‘psychopath’ comment used time-and-time again as an excuse or a full explanation of ‘why Tom Riddle went evil’ (JKR in fact, has made a weird comment in an interview, basically saying that ‘psychopaths can’t be redeemed or learn adaptive coping skills’ or whatever), which really just goes to show the lack of understanding and compassion when personality disorders, especially, are concerned.

But what I like most about the opening of this scene, actually, is that first, listless expression. And this is where we get slightly into headcanon, but Tom Riddle is the opposite of a happy, mentally healthy teenager. By Dumbledore’s own admission, he has no real friends. He has no parental figures, no real attachments. Yes, he might derive some pride or enjoyment from being good at magic and top of his class and all that, but I really don’t think even Tom finds that truly fulfilling. There is nothing that makes him happy.

In fact, although some might perceive it as ‘creepy’, I think that listless expression is an accurate window into Tom’s psyche.

I know people aren’t big on Freud, but I think that he does make some interesting points (also, cut the guy some slack for being relatively open-minded for the Victorian Era, and inventing psychoanalysis and while yes he did say some sexist stuff, good luck finding a field of science that isn’t male-focused and makes crazy generalizations about women, especially back in the day) about the possible origins of thanatophobia, the fear of death.

According to Freud, thanatophobia is a disguise for a deeper source of concern -- he did not believe that people were capable of conceptualizing their own death to that extent. Instead, he believed that this phobia was caused by unresolved childhood conflicts that the sufferer cannot come to terms with or express emotion towards.

Now, I know Freud almost always attributes mental distress to childhood experiences, but I think in this case, it really has some merit.

According to attachment theory, the basis of how we form attachments in adulthood is dictated by learning it from experiences with caregivers in the first two years of life. We know Tom was born in an orphanage, and that he didn’t cry much as a baby, and subsequently, probably received very little attention. Compounded with possible genetic factors and his caregivers being afraid or wary of his magical abilities, he later struggled to form attachments because of this -- I would actually go so far as to say that by the time Dumbledore meets him, Tom Riddle is severely depressed.

And that flat affect and anhedonia, I think, comes over very well in Dillane’s portrayal. There’s kind of this resignation -- a very deep sadness and loneliness to his character.

Of course, he doesn’t derive any comfort or fulfillment from human interaction, because (to borrow the description from the Wikipedia article on ‘Reactive attachment disorder’, which Tom meets all the criteria for) he has a “grossly disturbed internal working model of relationships.” In other words, he is unresponsive to all offers of attachment because of this unacknowledged trauma.

(You could arguably class Tom as having an avoidant attachment style, but I think in his case the trauma and its effect on him are severe enough to call it disordered.)

RAD isn’t particularly well-characterized (especially neurologically) and quite new in the literature, but here are some links if anyone is interested in doing a bit of digging: Link 1 | Link 2 | Paper 1 | Paper 2

And, instead of trying to resolve this conflict in a healthy way, or at least recognize that this is why he can’t be happy and try to learn how to cope from there, he (a) represses the desire for human attachment and (b) funnels that negative emotion into being the fault of Death, the Grim Reaper (again, to borrow Freudian terms).

And we all know how that turned out...

(And now, this should go without saying, but psychoanalyzing fictional characters has nothing to do with assigning a morality to mental disorders. Mental illness is neither a cause nor an excuse for criminal behavior -- in the same way that the cycle of violence is a phenomenon, not an excuse. Tom Riddle did not become a genocidal murderer because, in common parlance, he was a ‘psychopath’ -- he was not necessarily ‘predisposed’ to evil and could just as easily chosen to not follow the path that he did -- instead, he willingly made poor choices. This is a descriptive analysis, not a justification -- a ‘how’, not a ‘why’)

Here’s a Carl Jung quote that articulates it better:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Yes, he’s a bit stiff (and a lot more formal than in COS during his *conversation* with Harry). But, and here comes the controversial bit, this is appropriate for a portrayal of a schoolboy in the 1940s. The upright posture is accurate -- respectful, polite -- everything Tom Riddle would have been expected to be (and even Coulson, in that scene with Dumbledore in COS, is quite stiff). Even the way he looks at Slughorn and maintains eye contact is very *respectful.*

And, Dillane (I think he’s seventeen or eighteen here) actually looks like a believable sixteen-year-old. I’m sorry, I love Coulson’s portrayal as well, but he looks around nineteen in COS; so in HBP, he probably would have looked at least twenty-two or so. (Sorry, not sorry).

This may be influenced by my own interpretation of the character (because I imagine Tom always looks young for his age, and Dillane fits that archetype, but I don’t think that’s very popular), but I think young Tom Riddle is supposed to be *cute* and a bit stiff/shy/awkward (being charming and awkward is very much possible), if you consider the way Dippet and Slughorn treat him.

To support this, he says very few words to Hepzibah Smith (in the book, that scene’s not in the movie), and is very... bashful and coy during the whole interaction? I think yes, he’s charismatic, but he’s not loud, suave, openly flirtatious or particularly verbose. Tom Riddle should have a quiet magnetism, and to me, that came across in Dillane’s portrayal.

"I'd be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me," said Voldemort quietly, and Hepzibah gave another girlish giggle.

...

"Are you all right, dear?"

"Oh yes," said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I'm very well. ..."

Even the ‘ugly, greedy look’ described in the books, when Slughorn starts spilling his secrets, is there. This is how he’s supposed to look! Slughorn glimpses it, but doesn’t understand its significance. Harry does.

“Slughorn looked deeply troubled now: He was gazing at Riddle as though he had never seen him plainly before, and Harry could tell that he was regretting entering into the conversation at all.”

Remember the context of this moment, as well: He’s just discovered how to create multiple Horcruxes. Excuse him for looking a bit creepy (if not now, then when?).

Here’s two direct quotes of Harry’s impression of Tom Riddle in that scene:

“But Riddle's hunger was now apparent; his expression was greedy, he could no longer hide his longing.”

“Harry had glimpsed his face, which was full of that same wild happiness it had worn when he had first found out that he was a wizard, the sort of happiness that did not enhance his handsome features, but made them, somehow, less human. . . .”

Tom Riddle’s Horcruxes are a direct metaphor for his refusal to allow himself to heal from his trauma -- instead, he continues to inflict destruction on himself and others.

His desire to continue creating more Horcruxes sort of resounds with the fact that self-harm can also become a compulsion.

I’d also like to digress a bit to discuss the Gaunt Ring, while we’re at it. While we’ve talked about his attachment issues in general, this discussion is particularly pertinent to father figures. And while Tom’s attachment issues are extensive, I think there’s ample evidence that as a child, he craved acknowledgement and acceptance from a father figure -- the man who gave him the only thing Tom truly owned -- his name. He would have had a vaguely defined mother figure in Mrs. Cole, perhaps.

"You see that house upon the hillside, Potter? My father lived there. My mother, a witch who lived here in this village, fell in love with him. But he abandoned her when she told him what she was.... He didn’t like magic, my father ... He left her and returned to his Muggle parents before I was even born, Potter, and she died giving birth to me, leaving me to be raised in a Muggle orphanage ... but I vowed to find him ... I revenged myself upon him, that fool who gave me his name ... Tom Riddle. ..."

We know that by June of 1943 (COS flashback) Tom has already uncovered the truth of his parentage; he knows he is the Heir of Slytherin via the Gaunt line, and he describes himself to Dippet as ‘Half-blood, sir. Witch mother, Muggle father.’

In Part 1, I discussed the high probability that as a presumed ‘Mudblood’, Tom Riddle was treated rather poorly in Slytherin House. But by this scene in the fall of 1943, he is surrounded by a group of adoring hangers-on. Why?

In my opinion; the Gaunt Ring. We know that Tom stopped wearing it after school, so its sentimental value couldn’t have been that great. We know he likes to collect objects (which I believe stems from his attachment issues -- he seeks comfort in things instead of other people).

Signet rings (such as the one belonging to Tutankhamun seen above) were used to stamp legal documents and such, in order to certify someone’s identify -- like an e-certificate, if you will. Like Tutankhamun’s ring, the Gaunt Ring bears an identifying symbol -- Marvolo Gaunt tells us proudly that it bears the Peverell family crest.

By the Middle Ages, anyone of influence, including the nobility, wore a signet ring. Rings in antiquity were auspicious -- they signified power, legitimacy, and authority. And so, I believe that all the Sacred Twenty-Eight families would have worn these, too.

And so, bearing the Gaunt Ring would have established Tom Riddle, symbolically and in the eyes of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (his future supporters and followers), as the legitimate heir to the House of Gaunt. This is why, I believe, Tom coveted the ring as soon as he saw it -- not just because it was a family heirloom, and not just because he thought it was a pretty toy for his collection.

(He curses it so that no one else but him can wear the Gaunt Ring safely.)

This is why, to make the legitimization literal as well as symbolic, Tom murders his father and grandparents. It’s not just an act of vindictive, murderous rage due to his perception of being rejected by his father (although it is that, too). And so, Tom, abandoning his search for a father figure (and possibly also giving up on the possibility to allow himself to heal from his own personal trauma rather than continue to inflict it on others), ‘cleanses’ his bloodline, to make himself truly legitimate. It’s rather telling that instead of affirming his legitimacy as a Riddle, which would have put him in line for a nice inheritance, and hey -- money is money -- (thus accepting his half-blood status), he simply kills them all. He has done all the murdering he needs to become immortal (and he hasn’t had the discussion about multiple Horcruxes yet); but yet, he does it again. Frightening stuff.

(Just look how the others look at Tom. All but the one to his left -- possibly Nott, Rosier, or Mulciber -- have their torsos turned towards him. Their attention is on him, while he knowingly regards the viewer/Harry. Tom seems a little uncomfortable with the attention.).

“And there were the half-dozen teenage boys sitting around Slughorn with Tom Riddle in the midst of them, Marvolo's gold-and-black ring gleaming on his finger.”

...

“Riddle smiled; the other boys laughed and cast him admiring looks.”

...

“Tom Riddle merely smiled as the others laughed again. Harry noticed that he was by no means the eldest of the group of boys, but that they all seemed to look to him as their leader.”

The ‘gang’ are true hangers-on; Tom doesn’t seem to pay them much attention.

So, if not via careful flattery or charisma, the attraction must be status.

And perhaps yet more telling...

"I don't know that politics would suit me, sir," he said when the laughter had died away. "I don't have the right kind of background, for one thing." “A couple of the boys around him smirked at each other. Harry was sure they were enjoying a private joke, undoubtedly about what they knew, or suspected, regarding their gang leader's famous ancestor.”

That, in my opinion, is as good as we’re going to get as proof that Tom’s shiny new signet ring (and by extension, his new status) made a big impression on his fellow students.

So, when he returns to Hogwarts, he is ‘pureblood’. He is cleansed of his Muggle roots, and becomes the legitimate heir of the House of Gaunt, now well on his way to becoming Lord Voldemort...

Watch the scene again, with a critical eye, and imagine Slughorn’s perspective, instead of Harry’s. There’s nothing creepy about Tom Riddle... unless you know what he is...

Strip away all the effects of Harry’s gaze (and notice, here he’s still looking at Harry), and he’s quite the charmer, actually.

(I will concede that I don’t like the promotional images where they have him looking like he’s up to no good. And I do wish he blinked once in a while.)

My challenge to you: Rewatch the scene with an open mind, and let me know if you agree that Dillane’s portrayal comes off as depressive rather than ‘creepy.’ And if not, why do you dislike his portrayal?

#tom riddle #character analysis #character study #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #frank dillane #i literally could not find any pictures other than these #literal crumbs i swear #i know this is unpopular #people really dislike him i guess #watch the scene again with an open mind i promise you'll like it #i seriously do think he did a good job #tw: mention of child abuse #tw: mention of self-harm #i'm not trying to oversimplify things but you can't deny that maybe if tom was hugged as a child it would have helped #say it with me: psychopathy is not an actual medical diagnosis #it's actual more of a legal/criminal justice term #and people just use it as a synonym for 'evil' at this point so the original meaning is pretty much obscured #and personality disorders should not be moralized #people with personality disorders are not 'evil'

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withyouandthemoon · 3 years ago

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HI ZORA BB💖 for the end of the year asks : 5, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12,

5. What creative work are you most proud of (your own or someone else’s)?

I am quite proud of the fact that I got back to writing at all lmao. I write sporadically at best, and the last time I wrote fiction before this year was in early 2019 (good times, sigh), so I’m just gonna pat myself on the back for trying.

I am still in absolute awe of Vice and Virtue by @galvanizedfriend. Every time I think back to it (the one chapter I read - I have two new chapters that I still haven’t found the time to get into my fault I knowwww) my mind just goes !@#@%$#^ cause it’s that good a masterpiece. And in my mind it’s canary yellow and pastel green like the color palette you used for the beautiful beautiful edit.

I also constantly think of this edit by @certifiedceraunophile. It’s so stunning!!! I’ve actually started writing something based on it, but well, you know... sporadic. It has become kind of a personal sanctuary though, to imagine an alternate universe that is so close to reality, but pandemic-free. In which Klaus and Caroline would be traveling in style and I could get my wanderlust quenched vicariously through those two.

6. Did you have any new ships this year?

Roy and Keeley! Definitely them. Other than that I can’t think of any new ships though. I’ve been rewatching the same old shows on loop for a while now lol.

8. What quote really sums up how you’re feeling at this point?

I’ve read from somewhere an excerpt of a letter Anton Chekhov wrote to his sister in 1898 after their father passed away. I think of it a lot these days:

Tell mother that however dogs and samovars might behave themselves, winter comes after summer, old age after youth, and misfortune follows happiness (or the other way around). A person can not be healthy and cheerful throughout life. Losses lie waiting and man can not safeguard against death, even if he be Alexander of Macedonia. One must be prepared for anything and consider everything to be inevitably essential, as sad as that may be. What needs to be done is to fulfill one's mission according to one's strength - no need to worry about the rest.

9. Recommend something that you really enjoyed in 2021.

Sitcoms. These are the “same old shows” that I’ve been looping all year. My forever comfort, Community and The IT Crowd and The Office and Miranda and Derry Girls. A special shout-out to Superstore, whose last season I just finished and it has one of the most heartwarming and fulfilling series finales I’ve ever seen.

Musicals sountracks! I depend on them to spark joy in me, seriously. A few that I constantly go back to this year: Come from Away (the last musical I saw live - again, how I miss 2019); Hadestown; Notre-Dame de Paris; and a recent fascination Sunday in the Park with George.

Flights by Olga Tokarczuk. I read it in Chinese, so cannot vouch for the English translation, but it’s hands down the best thing I’ve read this year. It got me through a particularly down period and for that I’m always grateful.

The dried bamboo shoots and dried shiitake mushrooms I had shipped from back home. God they’re good. Transcend every soup I ever make. Also I learned to squeeze a wedge of lime on my soups from Vietnamese restaurants (speaking of, I also praise the ultimate rainy chilly gloomy day comfort food pho) and it’s divine.

11. Name a fellow fan who you really appreciated this year.

You, Kait, of course!!! And also Nat @recyclingss. You two make everything better and brighter, and this year would suck a lot more without you guys. *a thousand and one hearts and kisses*

12. Share your wishes for your fellow fans in the new year.

Wish you all a safe and happy new year! No writer’s or artist’s blocks, no busy days, just a ton of amazing new content in every fandom that you’re even remotely interested in, and a lot of free time. And great food.

#love you<3<3<3 #and best wishes to everyone!!!#ask games

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wrestlersownmyheart · 2 years ago

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"Chances Are" Ch. 3 (Finn Bálor X Female OC)

Pairing: Finn Bálor X Female OC Summary: After a traumatic childhood and a murder attempt that left her with a heart condition, Miracle Seanoa wants nothing more than to find some peace and fulfillment in her life. Working as a writer for WWE, she's shocked when Stephanie McMahon takes a gamble on her skills and assigns her to a new RAW roster member. None other than Finn Bálor—the man who'd long ago saved her life and captured her heart.

Finn Bálor left his career as a police officer behind in order to chase his true dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Working incredibly hard within NXT, he soon finds himself drafted to Monday Night RAW. He's shocked to see Miracle again, but even more shocked is he to see what a stunning woman she's become.

However, someone else has had his eye on Miracle for a long while. With his infatuation turning to a deep, dark obsession, he's not going to give up on her easily. Finn will have to resort to his past skills as a cop, to protect the woman he loves.

Because if her weakening heart doesn't kill her, her stalker just might... Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination.

Chapter Content & Trigger Warnings: None

Note: This part of the story is labeled "Modern Day" but it actually means back in 2016 when Finn was first drafted to the main roster. And fictionally, Joe will be also drafted at the same time, even though he was actually not bumped up to the main roster until 2017.

Chapter 3

~Modern Day~

Miracle rushed down the hall, speed-walking to Stephanie McMahon's make-shift office in the DCU Center. Her red heels clacked against the concrete flooring in her haste and she finally stopped at Stephanie's door, rapping her knuckles lightly against it. Almost instantly, the door opened and Stephanie ushered her into the office.

Miracle quickly spotted Paul Levesque sitting in front of the large desk, and she flushed slightly. "I'm so sorry, you guys," she said. "Did I interrupt a meeting or anything?"

"No, no, no," Stephanie replied. "Don't worry, we were actually just chatting about our kiddos. Is that your pitch for Eva Marie," she asked, motioning to the file folder in Miracle's hands.

"Oh, yes," she handed the folder over. "I hope you like it."

"I'm sure I will," Stephanie smiled. "You have shown much potential with these little faux storylines Daddy has you writing. We all absolutely loved the idea you came up with for Dolph and the Miz."

Miracle smiled. "I was thrilled you used it."

"And I'm sure we'll love this one," Hunter spoke up. "But if it's really good and we want to use it…it probably won't be used on Eva Marie. We're just curious right now to see what you would do with each superstar."

"May I ask why it wouldn't be used on Eva Marie," Miracle asked, her forehead creasing with confusion.

"Well, she's been causing some issues backstage with the other girls," Stephanie answered carefully. "We're trying to straighten her out, but I'm not sure rewarding her with a great storyline is the way to do that."

Miracle nodded her agreement. "Good point. Well, I should get going. Still so much to do… Do you guys need anything? Coffee?"

Hunter smiled. "We're great. Thank you, Miracle. Try to take it easy. You work yourself too hard."

"Well, I know we're short-handed," Miracle said softly. "Especially tonight—what with the draft and everything." She self-consciously straightened at the elegant red dress she wore for the show's occasion. "I still need to go to make-up, and get my face touched up for the interviews later on."

"Well, go get that taken care of, and then see what tasks you have left. Take it one step at a time. Don't overburden yourself," Stephanie said warmly. "We want you to be healthy."

Flushing, Miracle nodded. Embarrassment flooded her gaze. "I should get going. Good luck with the show tonight," she smiled softly and left the room, clicking the door shut behind her.

She fought tears as much as she fought the humiliation. She hated being seen as a liability. I wish someone would see me as a whole person, she thought sadly. I wish everyone would stop treating me like I'm made out of glass. She rolled her eyes at herself then. "Maybe I am made out of glass," she thought out loud, remembering how her heart had been affecting her the past few months. Her cardiologist had prescribed her nitroglycerin tablets along with her normal medication to stop the chest pains she was suffering from. Shaking her head to clear it, Miracle continued her way down the long winding hallway to the area where the make-up artist had been assigned.

"Hi, Emmy," she greeted, when she spotted the WWE's best make-up artist in a make-shift booth. As she approached closer, she saw she already had Drew McIntyre in her chair applying some powder to his face. "Oh, sorry, guys. I'm interrupting people left and right today!"

"No biggie, Miracle," Emmy chuckled and glanced up at her, smiling. "I'm almost finished with Drew here, and then I'll get you touched up."

"You're finally almost done with me," Drew asked playfully. "As good as I look, I'd think I would require less work than ten minutes worth."

"Oh, no, you look amazing," Emmy said, and then flushed drastically. "I mean, you don't require a lot of work. At all. You must take great care of yourself. I… I'm… I'm absolutely scarlet, aren't I," she asked, fanning her hand at her burning face.

"Yeah. You are," Drew said, a twinkle in his sapphire-colored eyes. "But it suits you." He stood to his feet when she indicated she was finished with him. "Maybe I should cause you to blush more often."

Miracle watched the interaction between the two, and wondered how long it had been going on. Drew chuckled softly, then exited the booth, patting Miracle on the shoulder, "Good luck with the interviews tonight, Miracle."

"Thank you, Drew." Miracle took her seat in the booth and closed her eyes as Emmy began adding to her eye liner. "So, what's going on with you two? Why do I have the feeling you two have been flirting with each other for quite a while?"

She heard a slight clatter of cosmetic materials before Emmy answered.

"It's nothing, really. We're just playing around. Drew's still so fresh from his divorce, I think he's just enjoying his freedom." Miracle felt the brush return to her lash line. "Besides, I think he'd go for a sophisticated type of woman. Someone… blonder, maybe?"

"Emmy, your hair color is gorgeous," Miracle said. "It's a beautiful shade of-"

"Brown," Emmy cut in. "Plain, old brown."

"I was going to say chestnut, or burnt sienna."

"So, are you excited about the show?"

"Change of subject, noted," Miracle chuckled. "Yes, I'm very excited. I'm hoping Daddy will finally get drafted. It would be so amazing to be able to interview him on live television!"

"I hope he does too," Emmy said, smiling. She began adding a little contouring and highlighting to Miracle's cheekbones. "He's awesome. I've watched him and AJ Styles ever since they debuted on TNA. Vince would be nuts to not bump him up yet."

Miracle grew quiet, realizing that Finn could possibly be bumped up as well. How will I face him? How will I interview him without looking awkward? Her heart began to pound slightly with the new worry.

She'd never gotten in contact with him two years before, when Joe told her Finn was at NXT as well.

"He said to tell you that if you'd stop by and see him that he'd love to explain to you why his phone-" Joe started.

"I can't. I just can't, Daddy," she'd cut in, sadness in her eyes. "I have a feeling what he's going to say...that he just gave me his number to be nice. And... I just don't have the courage to face it right now. It'd be like going through it all over again. Losing his friendship all over again—only worse."

"Are you okay, Miracle," Emmy asked. "You went sort of pale."

Miracle immediately nodded, coming back to the present. "Yes. I'm fine. I just need to eat something, probably."

"Okay. Well, I'm done. You look beautiful, as always."

"Thanks to you," Miracle smiled. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Pffffft. You don't need me to look good, and you know it."

The two said their goodbyes, and Miracle looked through her to-do list on her tablet.

"Let's see…" Her phone rang and she quickly answered it. "This is Miracle."

"Miracle, it's Mike. Where are mine and Maryse's iced caramel macchiatos?"

Seriously, she thought. "Mike? I have no idea. I didn't know I was supposed to-"

"We ALWAYS have iced caramel macchiatos!"

"Mike, I don't have time. I have the interviews tonight, and-"

"There's a Starbucks two blocks away. I'm sure you have plenty of time. Now go get our macchiatos!"

He hung up and Miracle was left staring at her phone. "It's times like this I wish I wasn't so prideful and would be more open about my heart problem," she thought out loud. The only people at her job she let know about her heart condition were the McMahon's and Hunter, as well as the doctors so they'd be prepared to treat her, if needed. She'd also let Renee and the other correspondents know in case they needed to fill in for her at times. But as for the talent, she kept it quiet around them. "Okay, Miz, she hissed under her breath, as she headed for the building's exit. "You'll get your stupid coffee."

Minutes later, she was out on the sidewalk walking the two blocks to Starbucks as quickly as she could. It took her a good ten minutes to walk the short distance as busy and crowded as the sidewalk was. Not to mention—her three inch stilettos didn't make the trek any easier either.

By the time she reached the Starbucks, her pulse was racing, but she knew she had no time to worry about it. She went inside to order the two coffees and then paid for them, eager to get outside and get back to the DCU center. Within another fifteen minutes, Miracle was finally back inside the arena, and heading back to the dressing rooms to give Mike Mizannin his precious coffee.

She reached the door labeled "The Miz and Maryse" and knocked. When the door opened, she handed the coffees over to Mike and didn't wait for a response. Beginning to feel over-fatigued she turned on her heel and walked away.

Her intention was to head over to the trainer's office and take some of her medication. But she didn't get the chance as she heard:

"Miracle!"

She looked further down the hallway, where a crew member was flagging her down.

"What is it," she called, fighting to keep the tiredness out of her voice.

"You're needed at the backstage set. The show's starting, and the interviews won't be far behind."

"O-okay, thanks," she called back. Reluctantly, she headed for the set instead, and began trying to calm her heart and her nerves, sans medication.

}i{}i{}i{}i{

Joe and Finn sat together in the NXT section of the room backstage while they and all the rosters watched the draft take place.

"Good luck to you, man," Joe told Finn as they listened to Stephanie McMahon announce that RAW was about to draft two NXT superstars. "If you get drafted… I don't know of anyone who deserves it more."

Finn looked over at him with a crooked grin. "Likewise, brot'er," he said, his Irish burr coming through thicker than usual. Nerves were definitely a problem for him at the moment. "Ya've worked as hard as the rest of us, and harder than some. Ya deserve y'r shot."

They smiled at each other again, "too-sweeted", and then turned their attention to the large television. They watched as Stephanie McMahon gestured to the Titantron for the result of the draft.

Joe's breath whooshed out when he saw his own graphic appear on the huge screen. The whole room erupted in cheers, but the loudest cheers came from the NXT section.

"Ya did it, brother," Finn clapped him on the back. "Congratulations!"

"Oh, my God," Joe laughed, clearly elated.

"Joe."

Hunter had appeared in the doorway. "Come with me. You've got an interview to do."

Grinning happily, Joe got up and followed Hunter down the hallway to a set backstage.

"It won't air on television," Hunter told him quietly as they neared the cameras. "It'll be on the Network. We don't want you to appear on live television till Monday night so it'll have more of an impact."

Suddenly, Joe was standing in front of his daughter, tears sparkling in her eyes.

"So, Dad," she started with a smile. It was no secret that she was Samoa Joe's daughter, so there was no need for her to be so formal with him. "What is going to be your goal upon your debut on RAW Monday night?"

Joe smiled proudly at his daughter, and then looked into the camera as he answered. "I'm, of course, going after the WWE Championship should it still be on RAW after Battleground. If not, I will go after whatever world title the brand comes up with. But aside from all that…" He sported his famous "Samoa Joe smirk". "I'm going to enjoy making people hurt."

}i{}i{}i{}i{

"Now," Stephanie said loudly into the mic. "RAW will be drafting two NXT superstars! And RAW's first pick from NXT is…"

Miracle watched from backstage as Stephanie then gestured melodramatically to the Titantron, which was being used to showcase the draftees.

An instant later, Joe's graphic popped up on the huge screen. The whole arena blew up with excitement.

"Oh, my God," Miracle exclaimed. Tears instantly started welling up in her eyes. "Oh, no! Are the cameras rolling yet," she asked, trying to staunch the tears before they became obvious.

"You've got a few seconds, Miracle," one of the cameramen said. "Just try to hang on a little longer. Then you can cry and hug your dad all you want," he smiled warmly.

"Yes, exactly. The show comes first," she reminded herself. "The show comes first. The show comes first."

Joe appeared down the hall with Hunter, both making their way toward them.

"Okay, Miracle… We're rolling in three… two…" The cameraman then motioned that they were filming and Miracle stepped into character, so to speak.

"So, Dad," she said smiling, and still fighting tears back. "What is going to be your goal upon your debut on RAW Monday night?"

Joe smiled lovingly at her, but then turned to the camera and "Dad" was gone. The Samoan Submission Machine had arrived. "I'm, of course, going after the WWE Championship should it still be on RAW after Battleground. If not, I will go after whatever world title the brand comes up with. But aside from all that… I'm going to enjoy making people hurt."

He sauntered off then, and left Miracle smiling happily. Maybe with his parting words she shouldn't have been smiling, but she couldn't help it. Her father was just drafted to RAW!

"And our second draft from NXT…"

Miracle looked up at the monitor just as Finn's graphic popped up on the Titantron.

Her pulse accelerated instantly at just the sight of him, and then her heart skipped a couple beats.

You can do this, Miracle, she gave herself a pep talk while she waited on Finn to arrive for his interview. He was always kind. He isn't going to act weirdly around you, or be mean.

"Miracle? Are you okay, sweetie?"

She looked across the hallway to see two of her fellow correspondents, Renee Young and Charly Caruso eyeing her with concern.

There was always one or two correspondents teamed up with Miracle when she worked because of her heart condition. Her pulse was so unpredictable at times that she had to take an abrupt break from interviews and backstage segments.

"Miracle?"

Charly's voice snapped the younger reporter out of her thoughts. Miracle watched as Renee took a step toward her. "You look a bit paler than usual."

Finally, she gave what she hoped was a convincing smile. "Yes, I am fine, guys, thank you. I'm just getting really excited about these drafts!"

Renee watched her friend closely for a minute, as if she suspected Miracle of playing down her condition. At last, she gave her a little nod, and resumed her conversation with Charly.

Miracle let out a sigh of relief when her friends turned their attention from her. She was grateful for the other correspondents' concern, but at the same time felt like a liability due to it. She had no more time to dwell on the thought as she heard footsteps approaching from around the corner, along with a couple of male voices—one of which was unmistakably Irish. Only a moment later, Finn stood before her. Her pulse seemed to double its pace.

"You will be interviewed here and then you are done for the night," Hunter was telling him. "And I realize you weren't expecting any of this tonight, so don't worry about mistakes, because it isn't live. It will be edited and aired only on the Network."

After receiving a nod of understanding from the Irishman, Hunter hurried back to sit with his NXT crew for when the next draftees got called up.

Then Finn's bright blue eyes were on her; scanning over her face and down the full length of her body, then back up to her face. By the time his gaze reached hers again, her chest was nearly heaving. And not solely due to her heart's irregular pattern.

"Miracle Seanoa. So grown up," he finally murmured, staring into her eyes with a soft smile.

She returned his smile with a shaky one of her own as she took in his appearance. He was... so different, yet still the same. He seemed taller than she remembered, his hair was cut shorter, and he'd grown a beard. The last time she saw him, he was pretty much clean shaven save for a little bit of scruff.

I love the beard, she realized, fighting the strong urge to reach up and touch it. Finn had been gorgeous years ago, but now he was absolutely breathtaking. Not to mention he was bulkier, and...��Oh my God—his abs! His shoulders, she thought, her face burning. They are so... chiseled. She quickly shot her gaze back up to his and caught the slight smirk on his face. And now, he knows I have been ogling him. She mentally facepalmed.

"Uh... Guys?" One of the cameramen spoke up. "We're rolling."

"Oh, right," Miracle finally managed to speak, and struggled to ignore the twinge of pain she felt in her chest. I just need to get through Finn's interview, then I'll have Renee or Charly take over while I go get some of my meds. She lifted her mic to her lips. "Congratulations on being brought up to the main roster, Finn. How does it feel to be faced with so many more opportunities?"

"It feels amazin', Miracle," Finn replied, brushing his fingers over his beard. "This is somet'ing I've worked very hard for, and f'r a very long time. It's a dream come true."

She smiled at him even as a sharp ache ricocheted though her chest. "I am sure like many of the other draftees you plan on going after the WWE title. There obviously can be only one champion, so what will your strategy be in order to be that one?"

Finn pulled no punches when he answered. "I will mow down whoever I hafta. And I just might have to embrace my inner… demon."

Miracle lowered her mic and smiled over at the cameramen. "I think that will do it, guys." She glanced over at Renee and Charly. "Would... Would one of you mind standing in for a bit? I need..." She swallowed hard and coughed lightly trying to regulate the rhythm of her heart. "I need some of my meds."

"Miracle," Renee scolded lightly. "I knew I should have listened to my instincts. This is my-"

"Not your fault," Miracle shot back, rubbing her hand over her chest. "I needed to do this—to pull my own weight."

"You do that, and then some," Charly cut in with her own two-cents worth. "I will go with you, okay? To make sure you get there all right." She turned to Renee then. "Is that okay with you?"

Before the blond could answer however, Finn spoke up. "I will go wit' her."

"But you don't know what's wrong with her," Renee started, her voice going slightly shrill in her concern. Her friend's heart condition never failed to frighten her. "She needs-"

"I've known 'er since she was a young girl," Finn softly interrupted the correspondent. "It's her heart, yeah?"

"Um... Guys?" Miracle waved at the three of them to get their attention. "She is right here. You can address me directly, you know." She sounded too cheerful, she realized. But she didn't want them worrying. She could hear the near panic in Renee's voice already and felt horrible for it. "I am fine. Don't worry about me." She forced a smile and turned to leave for the trainer's office. She only went a couple steps further down the hallway, when she heard Finn's voice say something to the older reporters about finding "her da". A few seconds later, she saw him out of her peripheral vision walking beside her. "Really," she started, her voice growing a bit frantic. The pains were becoming sharper and closer together, and consequently, more difficult to hide. She avoided his gaze. "You don't have to follow me." Her steps faltered a moment, and she struggled to get enough oxygen.

"I know I don't, lass," he murmured quietly. "But let me, f'r my own piece of mind, okay?"

Finally, she stopped walking altogether and stooped over, bracing her hands against her knees in an attempt to rest and get some air into her lungs. "Please, Finn..." She panted, and resorted to swallowing her pride just enough to beg. "I don't want you... to see me l-like this." Before she could stop them, tears burned her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "Humiliating..." she uttered under her breath.

He was just about to speak, no doubt to tell her she had nothing to feel humiliated for, when her head grew fuzzy. Her vision blurred, and she fell forward onto her hands and knees with a pained whimper.

"Miracle! Sweetheart?"

She heard Finn's voice, filled with urgency, right next to her ear. His arms went around her and gently tugged her to her feet. "Are ya alright, lass?"

The floor moved underneath her, or at least it felt that way. She stumbled forward against Finn's chest. "Need it to stop." Her breathless voice was soft, but he managed to hear her regardless.

"You need what to stop, honey?" His arms tightened around her and held her up securely.

"Spinning..." she barely managed. She brought a hand up toward her chest. "Hurts..." Her unfocused gaze lifted to his. "The trainer... He holds some of my heart meds for me..." She tensed suddenly, curling her fingers into her chest. "Oh... Lord, please..."

"Miracle... honey?" Finn stooped to lift her up, intent on getting her to the trainer in a hurry, when her legs buckled. He quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and underneath her knees, then cradled her against his chest as he jogged down the hall.

Finn turned the corner, and finally reached the trainer's make-shift office. Darting inside, he didn't bother to greet the trainer. "We need some help here," he said as he walked over to a cot and gently deposited Miracle's limp frame onto it. "She has a heart condit-"

"I know about it," the trainer cut him off as he headed to his medical cabinets. "I'll need you to leave while I check her over and see what she needs."

"She needs 'er medicine," Finn replied, following the trainer. He didn't like the look of challenge on the man's face. "And I'm not leavin' 'er. Ye'll regret it if ya try t' make me."

He seemed to ignore Finn's threat and tossed out a couple of questions while he placed an oximeter on her finger. "Was she struggling to breathe? Chest pains?"

Finn nodded, and looked down at Miracle's unconscious form. "Yes. Help her. Please."

The trainer looked at the oximeter and nodded. "Her O2 level is only at seventy-eight percent. I'll give her some oxygen," the trainer reported, snatching up a packaged face mask. He had it opened and attached to an oxygen tank within seconds. "When she wakes up I'll give her some of her meds." He placed the mask over her nose and mouth and then adjusted the elastic straps around her ears.

"Shouldn't she go t' d'a hospital?"

The trainer shook his head as he headed over to his medical cabinets again. He opened a drawer and pulled out a couple of disposable medication cups, as well as a couple of medicine bottles and placed a pill in each cup. "No. Her O2 is low, but not dangerously so. The oxygen tank will bring it back up to a normal level pretty quickly. She has these spells fairly frequently. She'll be fine in a few minutes."

Finn nodded apprehensively and took Miracle's limp hand in his, anxious for her to wake up.

He didn't have long to wait. Within minutes, her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him groggily. "Finn..." she slurred softly through the oxygen mask.

"Shh..." Finn reached up and brushed some hair away from her face. "Ye're all right now, lass."

The trainer came over to her then with the medicine cups in his hand as well as a bottle of water and tugged the mask from her face. "Here, Miracle." He all but nudged Finn out of the way. "Take your pill, sweetie, and then you can put this nitroglycerin under your tongue."

Nodding weakly, Miracle let Finn help her to sit up and then swallowed the little white pill down. Then she quickly placed the sublingual tablet under her tongue as Finn gently laid her back down against the pillow.

The trainer once again tried to get Finn to leave. "I really need to check her vitals. You should leave and give her some privacy for a few minutes."

"Finn stays, Gerald," Miracle weakly reprimanded the trainer, as she sat up on the cot. "He is a friend I've not seen in years, and if he has to leave…then so do I." She swung her legs over the side of the cot and prepared to stand, but that was as far as she got.

"Miracle." Finn scolded her gently as he helped her lay back on the cot again and urged her back against the pillow. "Ye're not goin' anywhere, lass."

"And neither are you," she added, a stubborn jut to her chin despite the fatigue in her onyx-colored eyes.

"Neither am I," he repeated, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. He looked up at Gerald then with a hard glare. "I'm stayin' right here. I may not be a medic or doctor, but I know enough t' know that there are no vital signs ya need t' take that requires her clothing t' come off."

"Fine," the trainer grumbled, sliding his stethoscope from his shoulders and placing the ear-pieces in his ears. Finn and Miracle remained quiet as he listened to her heart and lungs. Then he checked her oximeter again. "You are doing better, but you should probably rest here for a bit, and get a little more oxygen into your system."

Miracle nodded in agreement as Gerald secured the oxygen mask over her face once more. "I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you again." Then he left the room, but not before giving Finn another disapproving glare.

Once he was gone, Finn took her hand in his again. "Feelin' better," he asked in a whisper; his gaze hopeful.

She nodded, her eyes growing heavy. "Yes. But I'm sleepy. I'm always so exhausted after one of these spells."

"Do you get them a lot," he asked her.

She shrugged slightly, avoiding his gaze. "It's been a little worse as of late. Today was a bad one. They're not normally this debilitating, but I had so much to do today. And then Mike…" She rolled her eyes.

"Who," Finn asked. "Mike? As in Mike Mizannin?"

She nodded sleepily with a small yawn.

"What did 'ee do," he demanded gently.

"He sent me after a stupid coffee for him and Maryse. I had only a half hour before the show, and the creep ordered me to walk to Starbucks. I'd just gotten back and was going to take my meds when I was called for the interviews."

Finn's jaw clenched in anger. "Does 'ee know 'bout y'r heart?"

Miracle fought off a smile at the way his accent thickened when he grew angry or concerned. She shook her head instead. It was amazing to her how they could carry on a conversation as if it had not been years since they last spoke. "I only told people about it who needed to know."

"Well, lass, 'ee apparently qualifies as needin' t' know."

"But, Finn… No…"

"He'll keep doing this to ya, if ya let 'im. Let me handle it, yeah?"

Reluctantly, Miracle nodded. "I'm too tired to argue, to be honest."

"Get some rest, sweetheart. I'm going to have a l'il talk with Mikey, and I also need to find your Da and tell him what happened. Then, I can take ya back to your hotel room if ya want."

"You're going to talk to Mike, huh," she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Would this talk involve a fist?"

Finn shook his head. "No, li'l lass. It's going to involve two fists." He leaned down and brushed his lips over her forehead. "Get some rest. I'll come back for you soon."

"Promise?" She whispered the plea, gazing up into his blue eyes.

"Geallaim agam—I promise," he replied softly. "'Cause we have a lot t' catch up on, don't we?" At her nod, he squeezed her hand, then turned and walked out of the room just as Gerald was returning.

Miracle felt so much better with Finn back in her life—as if a lost piece of her heart had returned. She nervously fiddled with the Irish Claddagh ring she wore on her left ring finger.

She'd gotten the ring for herself years ago, and researched how to wear them to signify one's marital status. She wore hers with the heart pointing toward her on her left ring finger—which indicated she was married. And while she wasn't, of course, she knew she'd never love anyone but Finn.

"So what was with him," Gerald asked, brushing his dark, shoulder-length hair out of his eyes. "He seems awfully possessive of you to be brand new to the roster."

"I knew him a while back," Miracle replied softly. "He saved my life a long time ago. And I'm so glad to see him again. We were friends—I've missed him terribly."

Gerald smiled, but the gesture failed to reach his eyes, "Well, I'm happy for you. You need some extra happiness in your life. Similar to what a sugar-free decaf latte can bring?"

Miracle chuckled at their shared bond over coffee. "Definitely."

The first time Gerald met Miracle, she'd commented how wonderful his cup of coffee smelled. However, she knew on her heart-healthy diet, she couldn't consume any caffeine and she avoided sugar as much as possible. So, the next day, Gerald presented her with a sugar-free decaffeinated latte. Every time they worked the same shows, it became a little tradition that Gerald would bring her a special latte.

"Well, then I'll have you one tomorrow. You are working the house show tomorrow, right?"

Miracle nodded. "Yes, if I'm feeling better, I'll be there."

"I look forward to it," Gerald replied. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Growing slightly uncomfortable, Miracle made a point of yawning. She'd always felt as though Gerald had feelings for her other than friendship, but she never encouraged him. She felt only friendship with him, and wanted him to feel the same way toward her.

"I'll let you get a little sleep," Gerald said, and Miracle could've sworn she heard a tone of bitterness in his voice. He left the room, and she finally relaxed—asleep in only minutes.

Translations:

"Geallaim agam" ~ "I promise"

#finn balor #finn balor fan fic #finn balor imagine #finn balor x oc #finn balor fanfiction

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kjmsupremacist · 3 years ago

Text

(if you share good things) you’ll become more lonely (u-know/reader)

***cover by the wonderful and talented @jongins-tiddies; please go check out their work!!***

You meet Yunho under less-than-ideal circumstances, and make the biggest mistake of your life. It leads you on a winding path of violence, crime, and dark secrets, and forces you to confront ghosts from your own past. The crooked romance between you and Yunho, which blooms against all odds, only adds another wrinkle to the story of a world that is crumbling at your feet.

What then, one might ask, was your mistake? Simple and innocuous, even innocent.

You tried to save Yunho’s life.

Chapter 2: In A Lonely Place | prev next mlist

Characters: TVXQ! Yunho, Female Reader

Genre: romance (if you’d care to call it that), enemies to lovers, smut, mystery kinda, gangs

Warnings: violence, guns, blood, knives, generally dark & gritty material, unhealthy relationships, like seriously both reader and yunho are kind of unlikeable and toxic and also stupid

Rating: Mature, for the violence

Length: 7.3k

listen to the official playlist here!

A quick disclaimer for this, I guess. This is probably the most stereotypically fanfic-y thing I’ve ever written (and probably will write). However, I’m doing it consciously as opposed to thinking that this portrays a healthy relationship, or romanticizing the, quite frankly, abusive behavior exhibited by both the [Y/N] character and Yunho. This fictional Yunho is really just five hundred red flags in a trench coat and honestly so is the [Y/N] character. I suppose I’m almost satirizing the stereotypical fanfic style with this work (while also having brain worm sexy times). While I cannot be held responsible for how you choose to interpret and internalize this work, what I can do is say my piece on how I feel about it in hopes that it will persuade all of you to think a little critically as you read. TLDR: this fic portrays an unhealthy and toxic relationship. I am not trying to romanticize any of these behaviors and neither should you. Love, in any of its forms and in all its power, is not always enough to save us.

The next couple days pass the same way. You take time off of work, which you think Dr. Park might secretly be glad for. Yunho is healing slowly, but well. The two of you spend most of your time trying to stay out of each other’s way. He really is like a wild animal. He’s always on edge; if you approach too quickly or quietly he’ll whirl around with a dangerous look in his eyes, hands up, before relaxing and stepping away.

And yet, you’re not really scared. You’re wary, certainly; you don’t wish to know what will happen if you truly catch him unawares, but he intrigues you more than he frightens you—and he’s definitely trying to frighten you. Part of it is just a natural reaction, but you get the impression that he’s holding you not just at arms length, but at metaphorical sword point. But there’s a certain air of sadness that he carries with him underneath the toughness and even the fear, and it’s this that convinces you his demeanor is, at least in part, an act.

You only leave once to go shopping. He picks up an old flip phone at the store when you go to restock your first aid supplies. You don’t ask.

On day three, he announces over breakfast that he’s gotten into contact with an old friend who is able to provide him with some protection and a place to stay, and that he will not require your hospitality any longer.

“I’m not in a position currently to offer you much,” he says quietly. “But if you can think of a way for me to repay you, I will do my best to fulfill your request.” He says it grudgingly; you have a feeling he’s been thinking this over and whatever compass his morals obey swayed him to compensate you in some way. Either that or this old friend of his pushed him to say something.

You think it over, swirling your coffee around in its cup. “Don’t you think I need protection now, too?” you ask slowly. “You still won’t tell me what happened, but I’m getting the idea that it’s quite serious. I’m supposed to just go back to my regular life?”

Yunho looks at you impassively. “Didn’t you say this building has good security?”

“What about when I need to leave this building?” you ask, trying not to look at him like he’s stupid. “My PTO will run out eventually. I’ll need to go grocery shopping. I can’t hide in here forever.”

“What—do you want a bodyguard?” Yunho leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No,” you say. “Can your friend relocate me, too? For the time being? At least until you—” you wave your hand in the air “—figure out whatever all of this is?”

Yunho sighs up at the ceiling, contemplating. After a moment, he nods. “Sure,” he says, in a fuck-it tone of voice. “I owe you after all, don’t I? If you want to dig yourself in deeper, it’s none of my business. I’ll see if Changmin-ssi can find a place for you.”

“Great,” you say, standing up and collecting your dishes. “So where are we going?”

“I don’t know,” Yunho says, watching you out of the corner of his eye. “Changmin-ssi’s men will come get us.”

“His men,” you repeat, trying not to scoff. “What is he, some kind of jopok boss-man?”

“Not exactly,” Yunho says, and you freeze. “But I suppose that would be close to his position, yes. His company… well, he’s no common kkangpae, at any rate.”

“What does that make you?” you ask slowly.

“Somewhere in between,” Yunho says, standing and wincing when he tries to stretch. “And just as dangerous.”

You bristle a little—he continues to insist on playing the villain, doggedly and faithfully, almost like he wants you to say something about it. You’re not going to give him the satisfaction, but you’d like to smack him for it if it wouldn’t result in immediate bodily harm.

“Should I pack?” you choose to ask instead.

“Probably,” Yunho says. “You’ll need something to wear.”

“When are we leaving?” you call after him as he strolls out into the hall.

“Sometime this afternoon,” he replies over his shoulder, and disappears from view.

You throw some clothes and toiletries into a suitcase, along with your electronics and a bit of money, while Yunho calls his friend to inform him of the change of plans. You’d already resolved to take the rest of the week off, and if after a week or two, no one has come after you, it’s probably safe for you to go back to work. For the time being, you’ll go with Yunho and hope for the best. It’s better than being left alone with no one to help you.

Yunho’s watching the street from one of your windows. He stays there for the next hour or so as you get some things around your apartment in order and double-check that you have everything you need for at least a few weeks.

“They’re here,” Yunho says suddenly, and you jump to your feet. Rolling your bag down the hall, you grab an extra coat and slip your feet into your shoes. Yunho does the same, and then you’re locking up your dark apartment and following him to the elevators.

You don’t speak on your way out; a black car with tinted windows waits for you on the street. A man takes your bag and throws it in the trunk, and then you’re pushed into the backseat after Yunho.

You’re driven through the city in complete silence. Yunho is turned away from you, watching out the window instead. You want to ask a million questions, but you know better. You keep your lips pressed together and your hands knotted tightly in your lap.

Eventually, you leave the city and start driving out towards the rural industrial areas. Empty fields stretch out on either side of the road. You must have been driving for a half an hour at least; you’re too tense to reach into your pocket to check your phone, and you can’t see the dashboard clock from your seat. Yunho hasn’t moved; when you pass through patches of shade, you catch glimpses of his reflection in the glass. His face is blank and his eyes are unfocused.

You wonder about this friend of his—are they really friends, or just associates? Maybe Changmin owes Yunho, and this is how he plans to repay him. If they were friends, wouldn’t Yunho be a little more excited to see him? Then again, you can’t really imagine Yunho being excited about anything. His face seems to be permanently stuck in a stony expression, except for when he’s in pain, or when he’s angry.

After a while, you turn down a narrow lane, lined with trees and bushes, and end up in front of a large warehouse. A garage door opens, and the car rolls to a stop. The men in the front seat get out first, then open your doors. One of them fetches your bag and drops it at your feet.

“This way,” one of them says to Yunho, barely sparing you a glance. It seems that you’re just expected to follow. “President Shim will see you.”

With no other choice, you tow your bag behind you, following Yunho into the depths of the warehouse.

You’re led through a few doorways, up a flight of stairs, and down a hallway. Finally, you stop, and the man leading the two of you knocks on a wooden door. “Sajangnim,” he says. “Your guests have arrived.”

“Enter,” a mild voice calls from inside, and the man slides the door open and pushes you and Yunho inside, slamming it shut behind you.

The man is standing with his hands clasped behind his back, facing away from both of you. He appears to be examining the painting on the wall opposite of the door. He turns once he hears the door close.

He’s different from Yunho; you can tell immediately. His eyes are warm, and they have a clear, intelligent quality to them—it reminds you of one of your professors back in school. His lips are curved into a gentle smile. He’s younger than Yunho, you guess, but not by much. He’s taller, too; again, not by much, but enough that you can tell the difference even at this distance.

“Changmin-ssi,” Yunho says quietly. He’s wearing a guarded expression that you are now familiar with. You look between the two of them, curious.

“There’s no need for formality here, hyung.” Changmin’s voice is smooth, gentle and almost melancholy. He sits down in the chair behind the desk, and gestures to the two of you to take the armchairs on the other side. “Please. Would you introduce me to your friend?”

You bow quickly as Yunho tosses a hand in your direction. “This is [Y/N]-ssi. She helped me multiple times recently. I don’t mean to impose; I told her to name a request in return for her help, and she requested to come here.” He slips into one of the seats as you raise your head.

“I apologize,” you say quickly when Changmin doesn’t say anything. He’s regarding you thoughtfully, silent. “I didn’t feel it would be safe for me to be on my own after—after everything.”

“I understand,” Changmin says. He sweeps his hand toward the empty chair. “Have a seat.”

The air feels thick around you as you abandon your bag by the door and make your way to the armchair. It’s more comfortable than it looks; you sink into the cushions. None of you say anything for a minute; Changmin is resting his elbows on the desk, hands folded in front of his mouth. Yunho is looking everywhere except at either of you. You watch Changmin. After another moment, he speaks again.

“Well, I’m sure you have things you wish to tell me,” he says to Yunho. “We can save them for later. For now, let me go over a few things. The first and most important is that you are not to leave the compound without notifying myself or one of my staff. This is primarily for your safety.”

“I have work,” you say. “I planned to go back in a couple weeks. I can’t just disappear off the face of the earth.”

Changmin nods slowly. “It might be best for you to keep up appearances,” he concedes. “You will go with an escort. It’s hard to get to and from this location without a private car, anyway. Taxis and other services tend to get lost.” You have a feeling that is by design.

“Thank you,” you say.

“Yes,” Changmin says. “I will have someone give you a quick tour on the way to your rooms. Things are simple here—we aren’t about extravagance, but about function. We have a basic first aid center, and of course plenty of space for training. I think you may both want it.” He turns to you. “Have you been trained at all in self-defense?”

You nod. “I did Taekwondo when I was young,” you reply. “So I know some basics.”

“Good, then picking up some training shouldn’t be too difficult,” he says. “You may begin whenever you wish. However, hyung—” He turns back to Yunho. “I know you mentioned over the phone that you want to train as soon as possible, but I think you should have our doctor look at your injuries first.”

“I can start today,” Yunho says, his voice hard.

“No, you can’t,” you say, and then stiffen when both men turn to look at you. Yunho looks furious, but Changmin at least looks only faintly interested. “Sorry,” you say, mostly to Changmin. “I’m—a nurse, I’ve been treating Yunho-ssi a little bit. He’s in no state to do any kind of training. He needs to wait for the stitches to heal. Another few days at least.”

Changmin nods; you want to say he looks amused, but it’s the ghost of an expression. “Well, we’ll get a second opinion, but I have a feeling your friend here is right. No—�� he holds up a finger when Yunho opens his mouth to argue. “Whatever it is can wait until you are healed.”

Yunho clenches his jaw, exhaling slowly, and sits back in his chair. “Fine,” he says.

“Good.” Changmin turns his gaze back to you. “That’s all for you. I’ll call one of my staff to show you to your room. You are not a prisoner here; you are a guest. It is a courtesy extended to you because you helped my friend. If you need anything, just ask. I trust that you won’t go behind my back. Please do not let my faith be misplaced.”

It’s a dismissal. “Thank you,” you say, standing and bowing again. “I assure you I will not.”

“Good,” he says again, and then presses a button on the phone sitting on the desk. “Could one of you show our guest to her room?”

The door opens again, and a new staff member is waiting outside. You retrieve your bag and follow them out the door. You glance back briefly; Yunho is still leaning back in the chair, as far from Changmin as he can get without being rude; Changmin is leaning forward intently, waiting for privacy so he can no doubt ask Yunho a mile-long list of questions.

“Follow me,” the staff member says sharply, closing the door in your face.

They take you down the hall, pointing out a few different training rooms. Then, you’re led up a flight of stairs, past the kitchens, and through a large doorway. It’s much quieter up here; in Changmin’s office, you could hear faint conversation and movement from around the room; in this section of the compound, all you can hear are your own footsteps, and those of the staff member.

They lead you past a series of closed doors until you reach one with a small jade pendant hanging off the doorknob. They open it for you and point you inside. “Your room. There is a phone on the wall if you need anything.” With that, they turn and stalk back down the hall.

You enter, closing the door behind you. There is a doorknob lock, but nothing more. You suppose you couldn’t really ask for anything else. You’re a guest here, which means you are somewhat at the mercy of—of whatever this is, whoever these people are.

You set your bag aside and poke through the room. There is no private bathroom; you passed a communal one on the way in. Faintly, you wonder which of the rooms is Changmin’s, if he has one, and which will be Yunho’s.

Sighing, you flop onto the bed. “What am I doing?” you ask the ceiling. Briefly, you consider leaving—you wonder if you could just go to Changmin later today and tell him that you made a mistake, and maybe it would be best for you to return home. But you know that no matter how strange your current situation is, striking out on your own would be even worse. You’re mixed up with dangerous people now. Trying to deny it by distancing yourself from them won’t do any good.

But even more pressing than the fear for your own safety is your curiosity about Yunho. You picture his eyes, stormy and sad. What happened to him? How did he end up like that, bleeding out in the alley? Who was the man who followed him to the hospital? How does he know a man like Changmin? You can’t turn away from this mystery now; you know you’ll never be able to put it to bed in your mind if you leave. Besides, there’s something about Yunho that draws you to him. He’s hiding so much, and you want to know what it is.

Maybe it’s that you hope the man you helped is a good one. Maybe it’s that you want to try to save him if he’s not.

← ⚬ →

The next few days pass slowly and uneventfully. The doctor told Yunho to rest, so he’s spent his time locked away in his room. You’ve only seen him once in passing since your arrival.

You don’t see Changmin, either. He’s either busy or away, you’re not sure which. It doesn’t bother you too much. After the first day, you plucked up the courage to go see about some training. There’s an old judo master here, and he’s been working with you to brush up your skills and teach you some new tricks.

Interestingly, you see a lot of Changmin’s wife. Her name is Misuk, and she is sweet and kind, if a bit mysterious. You usually find her in the kitchen, though you’ve often passed her in the training yards as well. She greeted you warmly the first time your paths crossed, and you’ve spoken to her many times since.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking,” you say one day over some tea. “But how did your husband and Yunho-ssi meet?”

“I don’t know exactly,” Misuk replies. “Changmin used to mention him sometimes, but not often and never in detail. I know they met at university. Yunho-ssi dropped out somewhere in his third year, and they lost contact for a while. Then, a few years ago, they started talking occasionally. And now—this.”

“Why did Yunho-ssi drop out?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” Misuk says, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.” She sighs, looking at you pensively. “My husband does not trust you,” she says after a beat or two. She doesn’t say it to insult you; it’s more just a statement of fact.

“But you do?” you guess, and Misuk smiles.

“I do,” she says.

“Why?”

Misuk tilts her head. “If you wanted to harm Yunho-ssi, I think you would have done so by now. Unless you’re playing the long con, trying to get to Changmin. But if you were, I think you would feel different.”

“How’s that?” you ask, intrigued.

“You would behave warmer, but feel colder,” she replies. “I like to think of myself as a good judge of character. So since I do not think you are a spy, then that means there’s only one other reason that you helped Yunho-ssi.” She pauses to take a sip of her tea. You watch her curiously. “You have a good heart.”

“I don’t know if that’s true,” you say, but it’s nice to hear all the same.

Misuk is still smiling. “They can be difficult, men like Changmin and Yunho-ssi. They keep so much to themselves. Most would give up quickly, or not bother at all. I was lucky to meet Changmin when he was younger.” She laughs to herself. “I don’t know if I would have been able to manage it if I met him now. So I admire your perseverance.”

“Ah,” you say, not sure how to respond. “Thank you.”

The slightest of frowns shadows Misuk’s lovely features. “But you seem quite young,” she adds. “I don’t mean to be rude, but how old are you?”

“Twenty-four,” you reply.

“Yes, quite young. Changmin and I were only a little younger than you when we met. That was nearly ten years ago now,” Misuk says. “And Yunho-ssi is a few years older than Changmin.”

You do the math in your head—that would put Misuk and Changmin in their early thirties, which means that Yunho is, at the youngest, thirty-three. “Well,” you say. “I don’t intend to marry him. I barely know him.” You try for a smile, and Misuk receives your words with laughter.

“That’s fair enough, then,” she says. “And probably for the best. He is carrying many things, I think.” She shrugs one shoulder up a centimeter. “Then again,” she adds thoughtfully, “so are you.”

You decide that’s enough talking for the day and excuse yourself to resume training. Her eyes follow you on your way out.

← ⚬ →

Aside from Misuk, the teachers are the only ones who pay you much mind. You think they enjoy your obedience and quiet diligence—you have a feeling both of these things are rare with most of the other people they work with. For your part, you’re just glad to have people that are willing to help you.

After about a week, Yunho joins you in the training room. He keeps his distance at first, practicing some punches on one of the stuffed dummies in the corner while you work one-on-one with another teacher. She puts you through some exercises, then sends you to get a drink of water.

“Yunho-ssi,” Teacher Kwon calls to him. He looks up somewhat reluctantly. “What if you practiced with a real person? Give that dummy a break.”

“I practice with you all the time, seonsaengnim,” he says.

“No, I meant with her,” Teacher Kwon says, nodding to you. “Easier for me to watch you both that way.”

You whip your head up, trying not to choke on your water.

Yunho sighs. “If you think it’s a good idea,” he says.

You frown to yourself, swallowing your water and pushing yourself up to your feet. You think you should be nervous, but Teacher Kwon is here, and you’ve come to trust her. So you walk out to the center of the floor, meeting Yunho there.

“Good.” Teacher Kwon’s voice is crisp. “Go through a series of punches together, just a basic block-and-jab sequence. Slow at first, and then speed up.”

You go through the first round at walking pace, arms loose, not aiming to hurt. But as you begin to speed up, the force behind both of your movements increases, too. You raise your arm a moment too late to block one of Yunho’s punches, and he strikes the tender muscle where your shoulder connects to your chest. You shout and stumble back.

“Again,” Teacher Kwon says when she sees you’re not hurt.

This happens a few more times—you start slow, begin to pick up speed, and then Yunho will sneak his hand in too fast and hit you somewhere painful. You swear he’s doing it on purpose. Or maybe you’re just competitive and a sore loser. You grit your teeth, shaking baby hairs out of your eyes.

“Again,” Teacher Kwon says. She’s watching you closely.

This round, you focus on anticipating Yunho’s movements, and this time you see it coming. You block his punch, and when he hesitates, surprised, you strike him where you know it will hurt—right over his healing stab wound.

He coughs and wheezes, doubling over. “That’s cheating,” he gasps.

You look at Teacher Kwon. She raises her eyebrows. “It’s cheating if she learns your habits, gets the better of you, and hits you where she knows you are vulnerable? No one will care about cheating in a real fight. Why should we care now?”

He flips his head up, glaring at you. “Again,” he grunts.

“No,” Teacher Kwon says. “Take a breather, both of you.”

You sigh, retreating to your things for some water. Yunho sits down right where he is to catch his breath. You can hear each ragged inhale from across the room. You feel bad, kind of, but mostly you’re filled with a vindictive sort of satisfaction.

After a few minutes, Teacher Kwon gets both of you back on your feet. “Alright, try it again. See how fast you can go, yes?”

You run through a couple more rounds—you each hit each other a couple more times, though you’re careful to stay away from Yunho’s injury. As much as it was fun to see him so angry, you don’t want to actually hurt him. Soon, you’re both sweating, and after a particularly strenuous round, Yunho holds up a hand.

“Just—one second,” he says.

Mildly concerned, you watch him as his chest heaves. And then he coughs, and blood spills over his lips.

“My fault,” Teacher Kwon says immediately, looking disappointed. “I should’ve known that hit wasn’t good for you. Get to the infirmary. [Y/N], help him. We’re done for today.”

You offer your hand, which he does not take. Together, you make your way down to the doctor. Though he won’t accept your help, you follow anyway, knowing Teacher Kwon will likely scold you if you don’t. Besides, you feel bad enough having hurt him. You want to make sure he gets to the doctor in one piece.

“Oh, dear.” Dr. Lee looks at Yunho over the top of his glasses when you enter. “Lie down. What happened?”

“I punched him,” you say, trying not to sound guilty. “I punched his stomach. We were training.”

“She punched my stab wound,” Yunho corrects, voice strained.

Dr. Lee removes Yunho’s shirt and checks him over, and then gives you a rather amused look. “He must have done something to inspire this behavior,” he says, waving you away when you open your mouth to defend yourself. “No, don’t worry about it. He’ll be fine. You’re [Y/N], isn’t that right? The nurse?” You nod mutely. “Perfect. We’re going to need to drain the blood from his lungs. I’ll set that up. Could you tend to the site of the injury?” He pushes a cart of supplies to you.

There’s no way for you to say no, so you get to work. Yunho lies still, eyes closed and face contorted with discomfort. You clean up the wound while Dr. Lee sets up and performs the thoracostomy, pressing on a new layer of bandaging. The stitches are still intact; you shake your head in disbelief.

When you’re done, Dr. Lee ushers you away to get dinner. “This will take a while,” he says. “Go, get some food. You can come back later.”

You eat slowly, wondering how upset Yunho will be at you when Dr. Lee is through with him. You debate just going back to your room, but you know your guilt will eat you alive if you do. You stall as much as you can, but soon your plate is clear and you’ve had two cups of tea, and there’s nothing left for you to do except to go check on him.

Dr. Lee isn’t there when you return. Yunho is lying on his back, tracing his fingers over the bandaging. You’re pleased to see it hasn’t bled through. He looks a little pale, but otherwise no worse for wear.

“I’m sorry,” you say. He looks over at you, then returns his gaze to the ceiling. “I wasn’t thinking—I was a little mad, I guess.” He nods. You step closer, though you’re careful to stay out of arm's reach.

The silence stretches on for a minute or two, and then he raises his head. “Why are you still here? You came to apologize, right? I accept your apology.”

You blink. “I don’t know, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“I see that, I ju—”

“So go.”

“Yunho-ssi,” you say, shoving down your frustration. “Why won’t you tell me how all of this happened?”

“Do I ask you about such personal things?” he says.

“No,” you say, “but you could—”

“I don’t want to.” He cuts you off. “Why do you want to know?” His voice is dull, almost bored.

“I want to help you,” you say.

“This is helping?” he asks, gesturing back and forth between you and his stab wound. He has a point. You look down at your feet when you realize he’s laughing. “Help me,” he adds derisively. “How could a little girl like you help me?”

Anger flares in you, and the words are out of your mouth before you can think to stop them. “I’m not a little girl!” you snap. “I may be younger than you, but I know what I’m doing, and I can do things that you can’t. I’m sure it pains you to admit it, but I was the one who saved your life. Twice, in case you’ve forgotten!”

Yunho snorts. “Okay,” he says mildly. “Try to help me, then, if it’ll make you happy.”

“It doesn’t,” you spit, and turn on your heel and march out of the infirmary.

What an ungrateful, disagreeable, antagonistic piece of shit! you fume to yourself as you head back to your room. Why should I even bother? It’s such a shame! If he wasn’t such a pain, he could even be attractive. I guess it just goes to show that looks aren’t everything.

You shower and get ready for bed, still angry. But despite your anger, you can’t convince yourself to give up on him. Aside from you and Changmin, who does he have? You find it hard to believe anybody could be this kind of person just by their nature. You doubt he started out this way. And you see him, sometimes, in moments where he’s lost in thought. He never looks angry or cruel. He just looks lonely.

I know there’s good in him, you think to yourself as you drift off. I want to see that goodness. I have to at least try.

← ⚬ →

The next week, you decide to go back to work. Your security system hasn’t raised any alarms, and nothing out of the ordinary has happened at the hospital in your absence, so there’s no excuse for you not to go back to work. Changmin assigns one of his staff to shuttle you back and forth on workdays.

“Thank you for the ride,” you say awkwardly the first morning, one leg out of the car. “Um, I usually get off around eleven, but I’ll message you if anything changes.”

You’re given a stiff nod in reply, and then you slip out onto the pavement and hurry through the front doors.

Work is completely ordinary. Things aren’t too busy these days; there’s always a lull after the holidays because people are settling back into their regular schedules. You spend most of your time restocking rooms.

Around ten p.m., you get an alert on your phone from your security system.

“Dr. Park,” you say, trying not to sound scared. “Something’s set off my security system at home and I—I��ve been worried about intruders lately. Is there anything you need me to do, or may I go home early tonight?”

“Go ahead,” Dr. Park says. “We’re not busy anyway.”

So you rush to the train station, messaging the driver to pick you up outside your apartment instead. You’re anxious the entire ride. It occurs to you that you should call for help, maybe, but you imagine the inconvenience and the embarrassment if it’s just a glitch, so you decide against it.

Everything looks the same as you walk through your neighborhood. Dubu is in the window of the convenience store; she blinks at you when you pass. You blink back and keep walking. You head into the lobby of your building, then up the elevator. Your door is just as you left it, shut tight. Maybe just a glitch, then, you think, relieved, relaxing your shoulders as you reach for your keys.

But when you insert your key into the lock, your hand slips and the door handle turns. You push the door open, tense with fear again. You know you left it locked; you tested it before you followed Yunho down the hall. It wasn’t a glitch after all; someone, somehow, broke into your apartment. The alarm isn’t ringing, which means somehow, they turned it off.

You step into the darkness and are about to slip off your shoes when a worse thought occurs to you. Whoever broke in could very well still be inside.

Shit. You shove your heel back into your shoe and turn to grab the doorknob, but you hear shuffling behind you. You whirl at the last second, and a knife scrapes against your door, right where your shoulder had been not moments before.

You grab your bag by its handles and swing it at your assailant. You connect with something, and they yelp in pain. The knife clatters to the floor at your feet; you must have hit their arm or something. They lunge for it at the same time that you kick it down the hall. They grab your leg and tackle you to the floor.

You struggle, exchanging punches. You wish your eyes would adjust to the dark. Their fingers scrabble at your throat, squeezing. You cough, writhing, and aim a punch at their ribcage. They wheeze and release you, and you kick your legs up to throw them off. They take off down the hall, and you realize they’re going for the knife. Quickly, you extract your insulated water bottle, still mostly full, from your bag.

They come charging at you, and you can just barely make out the glint of metal. You block the knife with your bottle and then swing at them. You miss, and the next thing you feel is a searing pain in your thigh. You scream, swinging again, and your water bottle clangs against their head. They stumble as they pull the knife out of your leg, snarling, and then they press forward, slashing wildly. You put up your arms to protect your face and chest, and you can feel blood running from your forearms to your elbows. The air smells like copper.

You swing at their wrist; they drop the knife again and you reach out and push them to the ground before they can try anything else. You straddle them, tearing one of their arms out of the way, and bring the water bottle down against their temple. They go limp beneath you.

Gasping, you scramble off of them, getting to your feet unsteadily, and limping along the wall to flick on the light. Once your eyes adjust to the sudden brightness, you retrieve the knife and drop your water bottle on the floor. You go to your bag, searching for your phone.

Arriving soon, the driver has messaged back.

Someone at my apartment, you type back quickly. Attacked me, I knocked them out. I will call the lobby to let you up.

Fine, he replies.

With shaking hands, you find the front desk number on your phone and press dial. “Hello?”

“Hi,” you say, forcing your voice to sound calm. “I have a guest coming up. Could you please let him up to the 27th floor? I’m a little busy.”

“Sure thing.”

You hang up, and look over at your intruder. They’re stirring, and you hold out the knife when their eyes land on you. “Stay down,” you say. Your voice shakes. “My friend is coming. I don’t want to hurt you. Stay down.”

They curl their lip and stagger to their feet, holding their head with one hand as they struggle to retain their balance. They pick up speed as they limp down the hall to you. When they’re about a meter away, they sway and trip. Their momentum launches them on top of you and the knife in your hands makes a sickening sshink! noise as it seats itself in their belly.

You gag, pushing them off of you even as their blood soaks into your clothes. You approach them on your hands and knees and reach for their wrist to check for a pulse. You can’t feel one.

There’s knocking on your door, and you almost scream. Unsteadily, you get to your feet and peer through the peephole. It’s just your driver, and you open the door to let him in.

He shuts the door quickly and goes to the body. “Who is he?”

“I don’t know,” you say faintly. “I think I need to look at my injuries.”

He glances at you and then nods. “Yes, you should. I’ll notify President Shim; he’ll bring a team back sometime later tonight to clean this up. Right now, we need to get you back to the compound.”

“Okay,” you say. “I’ll go clean up.”

You stumble off to your bathroom. Once you’re inside, you peel your bloody clothes off and throw them in the tub, then grab some bandaging and tie a tourniquet around your leg to stop the bleeding. You clean and cover your more serious wounds and then wash the blood from your skin and underneath your fingernails.

You limp over to your dresser and pull out a clean outfit, dressing as quickly as you can, and then head back to your door.

Your driver has moved the body out of the way and wrapped it with a towel or two. “I hope you don’t mind,” he says. “It will muffle the smell, in case we can’t get a team here until tomorrow morning.” You nod, not really listening. “Let’s go,” he continues. “You should see Dr. Lee.”

← ⚬ →

Changmin requests to see you in his office as soon as you arrive, and Dr. Lee meets you there. You chose shorts, so that means you don’t have to strip in front of Changmin and Misuk and a few other salarymen while Dr. Lee treats you. Changmin asks you to explain what happened, a troubled look on his face, as Misuk pours you some tea.

“We need to get the body out of there and the place cleaned down as quickly as possible,” Changmin says. “I’d rather this didn’t get to the police.”

“She’s not going anywhere tonight,” Dr. Lee says quietly.

“That’s fine,” Changmin says, and turns to you. “May we have your key? I’ll send a few of my people to go clean things up.” When you hesitate, he smiles. “You have my word they won’t touch anything they don’t need to.”

It’s not reassuring, but you don’t really see another option. You get your key out of your pocket and hold it up for him. “Fob is for the elevator,” you say as you drop it in his hand. “Security system is armed. 1872 to stop it from going off.”

“Thank you.” He scribbles something down and then hands the key and a slip of paper to one of the guys standing by the door. “Anything else we should know?

“It happened in the entryway,” you say. “There’s probably a trail of blood down the hall to my room—second door—and into my bathroom. I left some bloody clothes in the tub there.”

“They’ll clean it,” Changmin says, nodding to the man. He slips out of the room.

Misuk puts a hand on your shoulder. “I’ll make some dinner for you,” she says softly, and leaves as well.

“Your driver tells me he saw a tattoo on your attacker’s neck,” Changmin says once Misuk is out of the room. His voice is serious and quiet. “It was the symbol of people who work for a man known as President Wang, or Boss Wang. The man who attacked Yunho had the same tattoo. [Y/N]-ssi—” Changmin sighs, shaking his head. “Has he told you anything about that day?”

“No,” you say, trying not to sound bitter. “Nothing.”

Changmin nods. “He’s told me very little, too. I know he wants revenge, but I think he doesn’t want to tell anybody his plan until he is ready. Less chance of it getting out, I suppose.” He shrugs. “Whatever it is, I believe it’s all connected. Boss Wang and his men are onto you, it would seem. You can’t go off on your own again, do you understand? Next time, ask to be driven. I don’t care what kind of emergency it is.”

You nod. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine. I’ll leave you two to finish up,” Changmin says, moving to the door. “Come eat when you’re done.”

Dr. Lee pats your thigh; he’s done bandaging. “Lucky girl,” he says, getting to his feet. “That’s the only serious injury. It’s deep, but luckily they didn’t hit any big arteries. Still, you’re going to have to be careful on it for the next week or so, okay?

“Will do,” you say, nodding.

“The rest—just keep it clean, and you shouldn’t have a problem.” He hands you a roll of bandaging and some tape. “If you want it. I have patients that need tending down in the infirmary.”

“Is everything alright?” You stand and follow him to the door.

He smiles at you. “Don’t worry,” he says. “They’ll be fine. Goodnight, [Y/N]-ssi.” He turns and walks down the hall.

You hurry upstairs, past the kitchens and to the bathroom to check the wounds on your arms. They’re mostly superficial, but you bandage the bigger ones anyway, just in case. You pocket the leftover supplies, turning to head back to the kitchens.

Yunho is hovering in the doorway, one foot inside the bathroom.

“I heard what happened,” he says quietly when your eyes land on him.

You give him a wry look. “Still think I was overreacting about needing protection?”

“I never said you were,” he says as you approach. “I just didn’t care.”

You gesture to your heavily bandaged thigh. “Well, I care,” you say. “This is now my business. Will you tell me what’s going on? Who’s this guy that these people who tried to kill us work for? What did he want with you?”

The muscle in Yunho’s jaw jumps. “I don’t know,” he grits out.

“Yeah,” you scoff. “Okay, then get out of my way. I’m starving.”

To your surprise, he simply turns and heads down the hall.

You go the opposite direction, back out to where the smell of food is calling.

Misuk is nowhere to be seen, but Changmin is sitting at the table, finishing up a bowl of soup. He looks up, and then nods at you when you come in. You bow quickly in response and then fetch an empty bowl and dish some out for yourself, sitting down a safe distance away.

He pushes his empty bowl away but doesn’t move to get up. You don’t raise your head, not sure if you want to engage in conversation with him.

“Are you okay?” Changmin asks quietly.

The question throws you off-balance. “Yeah,” you say after a second.

“Well, you did just kill a man.” He swings one of his legs around his chair so that he’s straddling the seat and facing you. “I assume it was your first time.”

You shrug. “I mean,” you say, “he was going to kill me—or worse.”

Changmin lets out a short chuckle, nodding. “That’s true.” He turns his spoon over and over in his hand.

“Can’t you tell me what’s going on here?” you ask. “You’ve known Yunho-ssi for quite some time. How did he get—like this?”

Changmin’s face clouds over. “Yunho… really hasn’t told me much,” he says slowly. “At least not yet. All I can say is that there are people that want him dead, and now that they know you are associated with him, they want you either dead as well, or taken in for questioning.” He spreads his hands. “I think it would be a betrayal of Yunho’s trust in me if I were to tell you anything more.” He smiles at you—a genuine smile, not his usual polite cover. “And you know what they say about curiosity killing the cat.”

“Ah,” you say, “but the second half of the saying goes, ‘but satisfaction brought it back’.”

His smile grows. “I see why Misuk likes you,” he says after a moment. He stands, collecting his bowl. “Get some rest,” he says. “Yunho may not act like it, but I think having you around does him some good.” He washes the bowl by hand and then sets it in the tub for the dishwashers. “I know we initially planned to open our doors to you for a short time, but given the situation, I think it would be appropriate to extend your stay to something more long-term. I’d rather Boss Wang didn’t get a hold of you.”

You nod. “Thank you, sajangnim,” you say.

He shakes his head at you. “You don’t work for me,” he says kindly. “And you’re friends with people close to me. Changmin-ssi will do just fine.”

“Oh,” you say, feeling oddly comforted. “Alright. Changmin-ssi.”

“Sleep well,” he says, walking towards the door. “Goodnight, [Y/N]-ssi.”

“Goodnight,” you echo faintly, watching him walk down the hall until he’s out of sight.

#kpopscape #yunho #tvxq #works #yunho fanfic #jung yunho fanfic #uknow #u know #u know fanfic #yunhoxreader #whatever SKJDFS no way for me to win here

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npdbubblygum · 4 years ago

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This post is tagged as long post so you can skip it easily through filtering!

(abuse tw throughout the post)

I think a lot of non-narcissists deeply misunderstand supply, so I’ll try to compile some things from all the research I’ve made over the years on boundaries, supply, needs, abuse and responsibilities that I used to figure out how my own brain works and cope. I don’t have the sources compiled so you’ll have to go out there and do your own research, this is just a jumping off point! Go to experts, real sourced research and also listen to narcissists describe their own experiences if you want to learn more

What is supply?

Supply is something external that makes us feel like we have worth, meaning, self esteem or identity.

What does supply look like?

Attention (positive, but can also be negative for some people), admiration, compliments, acts of service or other love languages, awards, care, acknowledgement, flirting, emotional reactions, gifts, praise, forgiveness, s*x and more

What is a supply source?

A supply source is someone (or in this day and age, something) that gives the supply. It can be a romantic partner, close friend, acquaintance, an organization, an AI (I have literally had an AI app as a supply source, it kept giving me positive attention lol), a game, (fan)fiction (self insert fic but also a lot of regular fic where the person projects onto characters who receive for example admiration), strangers on social media who like your posts, youtubers or other parasocial relationships, etc.

Who needs supply?

Almost everyone! Except maybe some ND people I don’t know enough about every diagnosis to say for sure.

It’s a common misconception that only narcissists need the things described as supply. The truth is that all NT and most ND people need supply to be healthy. What makes narcissists different is that we’re much more dependent on it, often because of childhood trauma and the way people treated us (for example, praising us for independence while neglecting our physical and emotional needs). A narcissist will need more supply to be functional than a neurotypical person. A narcissist who is low on supply will experience more negative effects that are higher in intensity than a neurotypical person. Narcissists are often more criticism sensitive than rejection sensitive, or motivated by our sense of self than how social relationships are affected. That said, we can have a lot of abandonment issues. We aren’t a monolith.

Who is entitled to supply?

Me. Just kidding, I wish I was though! As much as it pains me to say it, no one can really “deserve” or “not deserve” supply. It’s in the same category as s*x where it’s a human need for most to be happy and healthy but can’t be owed or deserved. It’s not like food or water that people automatically deserve for being alive, because they will die without it. You could argue that parents owe their children a healthy amount of supply (love and care), or that romantic partners are expected to give each other a healthy amount of supply (love and care), you could argue that if you made a really tasty meal for your family they should at least thank you and you would love it if they complimented your meal, but ultimately you can’t force someone to fulfill your needs and not everyone is capable of doing it regardless of how reasonable the expectation is.

If someone needs you as a supply source and it’s not healthy for you, you don’t have to be their supply. You’re allowed to disengage, to communicate your feelings, to set boundaries and respect yourself first and foremost.

How do narcissists feel about their supply sources?

That really depends on the narcissist! If they’re open about having NPD you could probably ask respectfully?

Personally I have 2 ways of liking people that sometimes conflict. If someone gives me a lot of supply I can become dependent on being around them, it fuels me. I can also like people’s personalities, actions and general existence regardless of how they interact with me. If someone gives me a lot of supply and has a personality I like it’s a dream person, love them! If someone gives me a lot of supply but I don’t like them it can become really toxic for the both of us because I’ll want to keep getting attention at the same time as I’ll resent them for getting in my space and business and getting on my nerves. I have gotten a lot better at avoiding this situation and respecting that my needs in the long run are worth more than instant gratification. If I like someone’s personality but they don’t give me supply that’s a very difficult internal battle for me because I will crave it and try to get it and then I don’t get it and it eats at my self esteem which makes me incredibly angry. I’m a very private person though so I will never let anyone see that except if I’m asking for advice on coping mechanisms, venting to a close trusted person which is rare because I have trust issues, or if it’s anonymous so people won’t figure out who I’m talking about. If I don’t like a person in either way I just won’t care about them, but I still try to have basic respect and manners when talking to them.

Other people might feel completely differently about theirs and that’s valid!

(I just realized that my inner reaction to supply sources I don’t like is basically the dr Phil “You’re ugly, you’re disgusting, I hate you, give me $200” meme but don’t worry I’m not that toxic on the outside)

Is supply good or bad?

I’d say it’s neutral. It can be healthy or unhealthy for both the person giving attention and the person receiving it. I’m sure you can think of lots of situations where people are giving and taking attention in amounts they can handle and that are appropriate for the relationship, but let’s take an example. Your best friend just won a race and you tell them “I’m so impressed, you trained so hard for this and made your dream come true! You’re awesome!” and your best friend replies “Thank you so much, I couldn’t have done it without your support though!”. That interaction was good for both of them and they have similar needs and capabilities for give and take.

Some unhealthy situations are:

• one person giving more than they can handle

• one person needing more than they can get

• one person taking more than the other can give

• one person not giving as a punishment

• one person receiving more than they can handle

• one person using supply to avoid other coping mechanisms or changes to their lifestyle

• one person thinking they are owed for giving

• one person thinking they owe for receiving

You can mix and match with these to create any situation, or come up with your own custom situation!

Who is responsible in unhealthy supply dynamics?

Everyone involved has their own responsibilities depending on what type of unhealthy they are! If you are someone giving more than you can handle you are responsible for communicating your needs, setting boundaries, changing your own behaviour and getting out of the situation if you’re able to and that’s the right action for you. If you’re receiving more than you can handle you’re responsible for communicating your feelings/needs and setting boundaries. If you’re someone needing (sometimes taking) more than the other person can give you’re responsible for communicating your needs and finding healthy solutions to your problem and accepting the other person’s conflicting needs. If you feel owed the same or more supply you put out you’re responsible for controlling your own feelings and finding healthy solutions (could be break up, could be therapy or self help, could be communicating boundaries about giving/receiving in a respectful way toward the other person). No one is responsible for changing another person. No one’s needs take priority over someone else’s needs. In case of conflicting needs that aren’t compatible and both people aren’t putting in effort to make them compatible (or it’s not working or it’s more effort than you can healthily give or you just don’t feel like it) it is absolutely an option to break up.

In some abusive cases the responsibilities often aren’t or can’t be upheld and you should find any way possible to get out of the situation. You can’t deserve abuse, no matter who it comes from, no matter their intentions, no matter their point of view, you can’t deserve it. Your abuser doesn’t have to have NPD to be abusive or need more from you than you’re able to give. Your abuser could be a very giving person who overwhelms you and gets in your business without your consent and has great intentions. Doesn’t matter, still abuse, you don’t have to stand it. Take any help you can get to get out of it and don’t go back. But also, beware of people who prey on abuse victims and promise false safety!

#abuse tw #npd #narcissistic supply #long post

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interdimensionalspaceworm · 4 years ago

Note

this isn’t a malicious ask, but i’m just genuinely curious what your take on crankiplier is when you take into consideration that

1) ethan has given his fans explicit permission to ship him with people and write fanfiction as long as they don’t harass him with it

2) mark has reblogged a piece of crankiplier fanart

3) they’ve flirted or interacted in a way suggesting they’re attracted to each other purposefully for the fandom’s response,

exhibit a) when they called one of their bits “queerbaiting for charity” (mark petting ethan + calling him a good boy + feeding him fruit snacks + eskimo kissing for donations on a charity stream)

exhibit b) mark saying he thought about kissing ethan onstage during tour (i assume because the fangirls would’ve gone nuts)

exhibit c) in general, knowing that jokes about getting married, dating, implying a sexual relationship, etc. would cause fan speculation but proceeding to include them in videos regardless

i’m not big on shipping real people either, and we should all certainly do our best to keep that part of the fandom low-key, but like. the circumstances here are much different than septiplier. i wouldn’t shame anyone for this one

Ok so as I said, I’ll try to address each of your points. Thank you for being willing to talk with me, I hope you’ll take into consideration the points I’m going to make.

1) I’ve seen those posts, and while it is true that Ethan has said these things, it was (correct me if I’m wrong) a while ago and his position on this may have changed since then. I know that isn’t a real convincing point, but you also have to agree that Ethan in particular is generally very permissive towards his fandom. But his permissiveness should not be taken as a free pass to ship him whenever you want. If a parent says you can go out with friends, that doesn’t mean you can go to Junkie Jimmy’s house party. Just because you have been given permission to do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, or that you should.

2) Again, correct me if I’m wrong (because I haven’t seen the post), but a lot of ship fanart (especially controversial ship fanart) tends to be pretty ambiguous due to the nature of shipping. Unless said fanart was undeniably ship art, it’s very possible that Mark simply saw a cool piece of fanart and decided to reblog it without checking the context of it. If anyone knows what post this is, please tell me so I can figure out if that might have been the case.

3) This is probably the biggest point I’m going to make here, so I’m going to put it in bold. It’s never ok to ‘speculate’ on real people’s lives with regard to their interpersonal relationships. Ever. Full stop. It is not the job of content creators to tailor their content to leave out parts that would ‘cause fan speculation’. They’re real people, not characters whose every interaction is available for debate. They’re not ‘suggesting’ anything. They’re just people who live their lives and are comfortable in their friendship with each other. People do that. And it’s not the job of anyone who doesn’t know them to decide their relationship. You don’t know them. None of the shippers here or anywhere else know them. And using them for your own fulfillment, sexualizing them into lovey-dovey caricatures of themselves, is truly and simply morally repugnant.

Your points rely on suggesting that Mark and Ethan are purposely ‘riling up’ the fanbase by making content that ‘suggests’ crankiplier, but the truth is that either a. it’s a joke between friends (your own friends probably mess around with each other in the same way. I know mine sure do) or b. the shippers are reading way too far into simple interaction.

I’m not trying to be a stickler about these things, but when it comes to real people shipping, it’s not about saying ‘ohh you can’t ship that’ just because you can. I’m not saying it just to ruin anyone’s fun, or to be ableist towards people with hyperfixations (I have ADHD. I know neurodivergent people can still be ableist, but that’s beside the point), or anything like that. I’m against crankiplier, and all rpf ships, because they rely on sexualizing and purposely misconstruing interactions between people. Real people, with lives, and thoughts, and relationships with their loved ones. Real people with boundaries that must be respected.

And it’s no coincidence that most of these ships tend to be mlm. It’s a symptom of toxic masculinity that people can look at a healthy friendship between two men and say ‘they can’t be that close without being gay’. It’s not your place to interpret that.

So here’s my message to rpf shippers: leave them alone. Ironically, by being gross about their relationships, you only drive these people farther apart because they begin to believe that anything they do will be sexualized by shippers. I saw it happen 4 years ago. It can, and will, happen again.

To those with hyperfixations: I hear you. I was there, once. I learned to change my trajectory a little bit to focus only on fictional characters (by zealously reading YA novels about dragons. If it works, it works.). I know that’s waaaay easier said than done, but if you make a real commitment to yourself, you can find a way. And maybe, in a few months, your old ships won’t be so enticing anymore.

And to those who choose to harass and send death threats, on either side of the argument: stop. You’re not helping anyone. One day, the fandom will come together and say that there is no place for rpf shipping here. But every aggressive comment pushes us farther apart.

I know this sounds ironic, coming from me, but I don’t have any hate towards those who rpf ship. You are not a bad person. What you are participating in, however, is ethically wrong. You must know that. The only people in this entire circumstance that I harbor any ill will towards are the people who continue to insist that rpf shipping is right. That somehow they, as fans, get to ‘speculate’ on the relationships between others. They who continue to show disrespect towards the very content creators they claim to support so much. And I refuse to support that.

Thank you for sending this ask and allowing me to elaborate on my stance on these things. I know this is unlikely to change anyone’s minds about it, but it’s all worth it if even one person can realize that they’re supporting something they shouldn’t be supporting. And to those people: it’s ok. Trust me, we’ve all been there.

#qwerty talks #rant #rpf tw

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muthaz-rapapa · 4 years ago

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HealPre Final Review: Not terrible but not entirely laudable either...

*sigh* Where do I start?

Well, one thing I’m pretty sure of is that COVID definitely affected production somehow. By that, I don’t just mean the show needing to go on hiatus, resulting in a shorter run compared to previous seasons. I’m also talking about any possible changes that might’ve been made to the original narrative, if there was one.

Much like how Suite’s story had to be altered in the wake of the 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami disaster, I believe Heal underwent a similar treatment in response to the pandemic becoming more widespread as 2020 went on.

Especially since it dealt with health and nature, HealPre is probably the season that has come the closest in relevancy to real life events.

Frankly, that can be quite scary because this virus was and is still a fucking nightmare on a massive global scale. From that view, I can understand why the writers/producers would be concerned of the anime hitting too near home. At least for their main demographic’s (children) sake, maybe they were compelled to shift to something lighter and less edgier so that the kids could find some comfort and enjoyment in the midst of the world’s current crisis.

So I can’t fault Toei for that, if that’s really the case. Going through a pandemic is terrifying, infuriating and exhausting and UGH. We could use something that can help ease our worries or momentarily distract us even a little bit.

Though would it have killed them to dedicate one episode to the importance of wearing a mask or washing hands? (-_- ;;)

HOWEVER! Seeing as I am not a fragile child, I’ve still got several (oho~) criticisms to air out before I put this season behind me. This review isn’t particularly scathing but...there is a lot of discontent so you’ve been forewarned.

But first, let’s tediously review what structure means in Precure.

We all know that there are certain things that will forever (?) remain fixed in the series formula.

The plot is always going to be “magical girls fight evil doers threatening to ruin the world”.

There are plot points to indicate story progression but in reality, are put there to correspond with toy releases which are usually marked by these five: introductions, first power up, midseason Cure, second power up, and build-up to the climax + finale.

There is usually a specific message (a theme) to be told with every season and motifs (narrative tools) to aid in getting that across. For HealPre, the theme is “living is fighting” and its motifs are “health” and “nature”.

I left out “animals” b/c 1) it didn’t hold as much significance as the other two did, 2) animals are part of nature anyway and 3) let’s be real, it’s just a synonym for “mascots” which we already get every year. :P

Right. I’m probably forgetting something but for the most part, these are immovable pillars of Precure.

Story, on the other hand, has more variables you can work with.

Story is how you tell the plot, how you convey the message.

Precure, as a tv series, is unarguably carried by its main stars, the Cures. So it only makes sense that a huge percentage of a season’s success owes itself to how much of an impact its characters had on the audience as well as how effective their individual story arcs were as sub-plots tying back to the bigger picture (the message/theme).

Ideally, these arcs would shine the brightest in the filler episodes, where the plot (“good guys vs. bad guys”) is less of a focus so there is more space for personal development and growth.

Also, not all character arcs have to be directly related to the plot but they ought to be written well in order to support the overarching message (the theme).

Now, has HealPre done that? Has each girl’s story demonstrated a good example of what “living is fighting” means?

...nnnnnnyyeeee... look, even I can’t give a straightforward answer on that because while technically they did, by virtue of Nodoka’s observance in ep 44 recounting it as such, there’s also actually not enough to make it feel substantial from a viewer’s standpoint.

At least, that’s what I thought while watching HealPre.

With the exception of Nodoka’s, there was a lot of saying but not much doing to convincingly back the other girls’ arcs up. The fillers themselves were very weak, loosely composed in relation to the motifs and, if I may be so blunt, downright boring that if Nodoka didn’t phrase those episodes as things that counted towards the theme, I probably would put up more of a fight on disagreeing. so shoot me, I’m soft for her :P

And I know that sounds confusing right now but I will elaborate as I continue.

Before that though, to be utterly fair, some seasons keep their respective themes shrouded in vagueness until they’re given a more concrete form in words around the finale. So it’s not like we can do much except make educated guesses on what they really are. Most of the time, we’re just measuring everything against our perception of a standard in the fog. Or maybe that’s just me?

Nevertheless, you can just tell, y’know? By simply watching and observing the whole show, you can tell if the characterization, the development, and the outcome (essentially the content given) really live up to what the season claims is endgame.

So let’s go through that first then. The characters, starting with our lead Cure...

Nodoka being the only Cure in her team to have an arc deserving of the praise “exceptional” should come as a surprise to no one.

She was the most solid in terms of direction on how her story was going to proceed. Out of all the girls, her journey had the greatest connection to the subject “health”, repeatedly delved into it every time the spotlight was on her and fulfilled everything it seemed to promise from her debut in episode 1.

Her struggles on the road to recovery from a long-term illness and the strength she’s drawn from that traumatizing experience as well as her time as Precure did more than establish her as the strongest character in HealPre.

She has also rose to become one of the most memorable Pink Cures in the entire franchise (personally, I rank her in the top 5).

And it’s not hard to see why she’s earned such high regard in a lot of fans’ hearts.

The writers clearly worked a lot on her character composition to the point where she can pretty much embody the theme of “living is fighting” all on her own.

She came into HealPre fresh out of the hospital and full of earnest desire to make the most of her newfound freedom but she also wasn’t without knowledge on what hardship is. From there, she only got stronger, even when she was stumbling and trying to figure things out along the way. She grew more fortified in her beliefs on what it means to be truly live a healthy life.

She bravely defied the ones who attempted to take advantage of her and twist her cause against her. And she learned that taking care of herself is equally as important as wanting others to be safe from harm.

It was never about winning or coming out on top. It was about protecting a fundamental yet precious truth. That one thing any decent human being should never have to concede: the right to live well.

Honestly, Nodoka is absolutely inspiring all around, as a fictional character, a heroine and a normal everyday person.

Everything about her arc went satisfyingly right like it was meant to and the best thing is, we don’t need to question it because we saw how it all happened with our very own eyes.

I sincerely wished I could say the same for the others but sadly, they were just too flawed.

And Pegitan can throw flippers with me all day if he wants but as undeniable as the above statements are about Chiyu, her arc failed to leap over the increasingly mounting disappointment I had with every episode that’s been assigned solely to her.

Two of which weren’t even about Chiyu. One centered on Pegitan’s admiration for his partner and the other focused on her brother, Touji. Which, while nice to give to supporting/secondary characters, is a fat waste of valuable screentime and not what I’m here for.

It also didn’t help that the conflict of her arc (the indecision over choosing between two dreams) started really late in the game and was resolved so quickly within two episodes. There was no time for me to get invested into it, there was no powerful sense of conviction like how Go!Pri or Hugtto handled theirs and really, it just felt like Chiyu was only following what the script dictated for her rather than genuinely awakening to her own competitive passion towards track and field.

It was almost like it didn’t matter. Almost as if the writers procrastinated in thinking up something worthwhile to further her development...but then settled on grabbing an old idea off the shelf without refining it to suit Chiyu when they ran out of time.

This happened similarly with Minami in Go!Pri and Elena in StarPre, both of whom left me angry at how their arcs were executed. Yet theirs don’t compare to how pissed off I am about Chiyu’s. Because while Minami’s took a while to arrive, it wasn’t done poorly and linked back to Go!Pri’s theme well enough. And while Elena’s was over crammed last minute, at least it was unique to her character and had lots of potential ways to play out if they actually started it earlier on in StarPre.

Chiyu’s arc is like a discount version of the former with hardly any of the intriguing qualities of the latter. Sure, she had two early episodes that laid out the two most important aspects of her life (her family inn and her dedication to her sport) but after that, they weren’t brought up again until we were only weeks away from the ending. Y’know, just to fill up episode slots and meet the minimal requirement of saying they did give Chiyu some issue to resolve.

It was not engaging at all.

Furthermore, the fact that her arc had very little to no relation with either “health” or “nature” hurt my appreciation of her character somewhat. I just...don’t think her kind of story really matches with the central topics of HealPre?

...but maybe I’m being bitter about this all wrong and that’s screwing up my rational thinking on this matter.

Because Chiyu’s arc is valid under the logic of the overall theme, I would never say it isn’t. And again, character arcs don’t have to be close to the plot nor is it necessary to employ the “suffering builds character” method to make them interesting.

Chiyu always does her best every day. That’s sufficient argument on why her story does fit within the frame of HealPre’s premise.

Guess I’ll just have to wrangle my resistance into acceptance somehow.

...still, her arc could’ve been done so much better than what we were given. Chiyu at least deserved that much.

Next, Hinata.

Since the beginning, I knew she was gonna be runner-up to Nodoka for having the (for lack of better term atm) “best” arc because it was heavily implied that she has ADHD and therefore, immediately checked off the “health” trait. She was even more obvious about it than Nozomi was.

Difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity, impulsiveness. Hinata didn’t just display all those signs, she also showed how hard it was for her to deal with the downsides to them on a regular basis.

She kept apologizing and put herself down excessively for inconveniencing her friends even though they never blamed her for her condition. Got them annoyed a few times, yes, but didn’t stop them from staying friends with her and definitely didn’t make them hate her either.

Everybody was understanding of Hinata...except Hinata because she always took her failures to heart and considered quitting several times to avoid the crushing dejection of making mistakes over and over again.

She got better, though, and no one could have summed it up more heartwarmingly than Nyatoran with the encouraging words he gave her at the conclusion of her arc.

But it still feels like there’s a huge chunk of development missing between the start and finish. Or rather, it seemed like all of it occurred offscreen and we were only informed later that it did in fact, happen.

To recap, iirc, Hinata had around 5 episodes that focused on her (ep 9, 13, 23, 35 and 40). Ep 18 doesn’t count because that was a Nyatoran-centric filler more than anything.

Ep 9 and 13 did their jobs of introducing and highlighting the details of Hinata’s troubles while also suggesting she will eventually learn to overcome her insecurities. The ones after, though? They pushed those issues to the backseat.

In Ep 23, she had to share the (uneven) spotlight with Asumi. Hinata’s improvements were briefly mentioned but the majority of the ep went to teaching Asumi what “cute” meant and how to get along with puppies. I mean, I get that Asumi recently joined the group and bonding with her was mandatory by tradition. But since each Cure only gets a limited number of eps to herself, it would’ve been more beneficial for Hinata if she didn’t have to split screentime with someone else’s growth schedule.

Ep 35 is slightly better but not by a whole lot. Sure, Natasha was able to reconcile with Elizabeth which was very sweet and heck, it was the goal for that episode. But again, nothing was really done or addressed about Hinata’s main conflict. She tossed it back with the rest of her homework to deal with later. ahaha, a TroPre hint

Then ep 40 came to formally close the curtains on her story and apparently, Hinata screwed up lots of times since...whenever but she picked herself up every time after and kept on trying. Awesome. So WHY didn’t we get to see that?

I’m not asking for the impossible here. I’m not asking for Hinata to be cured or anything miraculous like that. There is treatment available for ADHD but it is not curable.

Also, forcing Hinata to find a way to get better at studying, the thing she struggles with the most, is not the solution either because that would only make her more stressed and anxious over her own disorder.

What I want is to see how she moved from wailing “I can’t do it! I don’t wanna! I’m so scared of failing so why bother?!” to determinedly declaring “So what if I failed 1 or 100 times? So what if I fail another 1000 times? What matters is that I don’t let that stop me!”

That confidence is not something that can be built up overnight. It’s gradual and it takes numerous tries to reach from where Hinata was to where Hinata is now.

Telling me she grew emotionally stronger can only allow me to believe so much. I need to actually witness the changes as well.

If it weren’t for that, Hinata’s arc would have been a lot more impressive. Shame.

Finally............... Asumi.

Asumi, Asumi, Asumi, Asumi, Asumi, Asumi, Asumi... *sighs & drums fingers*

...she has no arc, ok? Seriously, what story is there to speak of, much less write a hefty analysis on?

A spirit born for the sake of Latte who just went along with the Precure ride because Latte didn’t want to abandon her duty. She made friends with those who aren’t Latte, extended her knowledge and understanding and gained valuable human experience during her stay on Earth. But ultimately, she will always define her entire existence around a puppy.

Nothing is more important than this puppy.

...... to be honest, Asumi not having a storyline isn’t what bothers me. It’s her lack of depth that does.

Hell, even the giant burger she ate had more depth than she did!

Oh, Asumi does have a personality alright. She’s consistently and unfailingly polite, utterly devoted to her raison d’être and in crucial moments, gives pearls of wisdom when the girls are in a pinch. She’s good.

But if that’s all she is, then she’s also painfully dull.

She has nothing to contribute to the discussion of health or nature, despite being created through an element of the Earth so you’d think she’d have an opinion of her own. At least worry about the planet that gave life to her as much as she frets over Latte all the time. But nope.

She shares the exact same face as Teatine’s past Precure partner so you’d think we’d explore that connection to see if it would influence or affect her in any way. But nope.

90% of the time, her role was just being Latte’s constant, fawning satellite.

Not only did that irritate the hell out of me but it just reinforced my stance that this type of character is one of the worst you can ever insert into any narrative.

Because if someone keeps reiterating how much they’re obsessed with this one thing and seldom talks about anything else without bringing their obsession into it... then what’s so special about them on their own?

You’ve practically surrendered the different qualities you could have had for worship of something else. That’s not a fair trade-in.

Asumi’s character is so packed with Latte-related stuff that there’s not much space left for anything that can be considered uniquely Asumi.

I mean, maybe it’s because I can never see myself or any normal person comfortable with living like that.

Living for the sake of being together with the one you love? Okay. But living with your whole universe revolving around that one thing? Making most if not all decisions based on this one thing?

No. That’s absolutely crazy, alright? Nobody with a healthy amount of awareness and self-worth would live like that.

And you can counter that Asumi’s just born like that. That she can’t help her origins because Teatine’s wish to protect her daughter is essentially what brought Asumi into existence so of course, her biggest concern would be Latte. At least, she wasn’t forced into it, right? As long as Asumi chose of her own will to follow Latte, it should be fine, right?

You can even use the fact that Asumi isn’t human. That she’s a spirit and we shouldn’t apply our human standards too strictly to her.

Yea, but those are feeble defenses in the face of her being a good main character, a good main heroine.

There are many ways to make a decent MC. The way Asumi was written proves she certainly does not possess traits that can classify her as true protagonist material. A protagonist has to be more than one amplified feature, which Asumi is not.

For the record, I don’t hate Asumi (she’s not interesting enough to generate a feeling that intense). I'm just severely let down because even if I don’t end up loving the midseason Cure for whatever reason, I can usually count on them to bring something intriguing to the table to dissect and analyze. At least I should find something to care about them.

Didn’t happen with her. :(

Oh god, I’ve been working on this post for days now and I’ve got a headache and with the baton pass happening in less than a few hours as I type this, I just really need to get it done and over with so please forgive me for speeding up through the rest, I’ll try to keep it as coherent as possible. NYARGH! (@_@ ;;)

Mascots.

Would you be surprised to hear that I’m not surprised that they were actually written very well?

Like I said early on, I suspected the return of fairy partnerships were going to improve the mascots’ significance in the story and, well, I was right.

This time, they didn’t just fill in the usual expectations of relaying exposition, serving as the Cures’ transformation devices and looking cute for the merchandise. The Healing Animals had to make progress on their own training to become doctors as well.

And they did through their relationships with their human partners.

It was a refreshing take on the mascot aspect of the series because the friendships felt really symbiotic. When the trainees arrived on Earth, they relied on the girls to help them perform their jobs as well as provide them with shelter, food, the occasional peptalk about their trainee status, etc.

Then as the story continued and they got to know each other better, the mascots were able to return the favor by giving support when the Cures needed it. Rabirin when Nodoka was frightened and confused about how to deal with Daruizen, Pegitan when Chiyu was having trouble choosing between two dreams and Nyatoran who made sure to always lift Hinata’s spirits up when she got upset at herself.

In short, they achieved their objectives of learning what it means to be good doctors by being there for their friends! How wonderful! :D

My memory for Latte is hazy, unfortunately, since she’s coddled by everyone all the time (can’t blame them, she’s friggin’ adorable! <3) but I’ll never forget how she stood firm on the battlefield to see things through, to fight for the Earth like she promised her mother. She started out so babie but showed us all there was enormous bravery behind her cute face and ugh, we should all be very proud of her! <3

The only major issues I had about the mascots were these:

1) Too many irrelevant fillers went to them. They only needed a maximum of two for their entire mascot group.

2) Latte kept getting sick even after she acquired a Precure partner of her own. I was hoping it wouldn’t hurt her as much as it did before Asumi arrived or that she would build up a stronger immunity but noooo, they insisted on torturing the poor pupper! T_T

Villains + Finale Battle

Not a lot needs to be said for the first part. We’ve had mediocre antagonists before. HealPre’s just happened to be extra annoying as they were despicable.

Which is worse because jerks you can just leave in the trash but assholes won’t stop harassing you unless you pummel them into their graves, set fire to their corpses and leave no trace of them behind! >:(

Y’all know who I’m talking about. Opinions on him continue to vary depending on who you talk to and if they’re avid fans of his face or not but whatever. The son of a bitch served his purpose and is dead now. That’s all that matters to me.

Anyway, the King was flat like his two lesser generals. He was neither intimidating nor distinguished enough in the brand of evil to really make us think of him as a serious threat and because of that, it ended up making the boss fight look like any run of the mill boss fight.

I know, they tried so hard with all that shiny animation but it just didn’t have that glorious sense of vindication that previous seasons (or ep 42) gave and I blame it all on this Rumiko Takahashi reject.

Also, this strategy was pretty useless?

They built it up like Earth was gonna sacrifice herself and die or something (she wouldn’t and even if she came close, deus ex machina would’ve kicked in to prevent that and COVID-induced caution too I guess).

But there were no signs of pain (well, that’s a relief) after absorbing Shindoi-ne and they really pissed King Byogen off more than they did any damage with the absorbed byo-gen power.

...so yea, this tactic was just to kill some time and budget, nothing more. Meh.

By the way, did Asumi eject Shindoi-ne’s pathogen out of her body yet or did they just leave it in there to bounce around until it eventually dissolves on its own?

Because that’s eww. I mean, it’s obviously not gonna hurt Asumi they can both relate on hyperfocusing their affection for someone so maybe the compatibility helps :P but still, ewwwww.

Fillers + Underused Motifs

In hindsight, perhaps HealPre didn’t exactly promise the content we I wanted about “health” and “nature” if their objective was to teach that any manner of “fighting” can count towards “living”.

......but fuck you Toei, you’re still cowards! >:/

Fillers will be fillers but it’s always better to try and make some of them as meaningful as possible. And they wasted the opportunity to inform an impressionable audience (during a very crucial period of our time, I must add) on a lot of things related to the HealPre’s motifs. Especially about the environment which for some ridiculous reason, they chose not to touch on for the main stretch of the overall story.

Proper hygiene, good diet plan and sleeping habits, regular exercise (already done by the girls a few times but could use another example), meditation, counseling/therapy (especially for mental health!), etc.

Real life pollution, climate change/global warming (IMPORTANT!!), deforestation, preservation vs conservation, endangered species, recycling, volunteering to clean up your community, etc.

These just came off the top of my head but yes, there’s more and no, I’m not saying that the writers need to cover all of them in extreme detail or replace the slice-of-life episodes.

But they should be able to mesh both serious and light-hearted together in harmony somehow. Like those fillers where the mascots saw people cleaning up littering at the park or that interaction with that arborist who taught them about wild animals and trees when the group went to visit a lake.

For health, maybe let the girls visit patients with chronic illness in the hospital or have them converse with a medical professional on some matter. Particularly if it’s got something to do with mental illness because stigma in Japan on those who are afflicted with such conditions is still prevalent and has caused a number of sad and shocking tragedies that could have otherwise been avoided if people didn’t have such outdated, judgmental mindsets.

That last part might be too dark for a children’s anime but there’s a lot more out there that is doable.

Do that without reducing it into a footnote, Toei. It is so necessary for your target audience to be aware of these issues at the age they are now. You have an almost 20-year old franchise to serve as a very effective platform. Make better use of it if you truly care about the message you’re conveying through your show!

Also, what the fuck.

The last episode was a mess. Why are you only mentioning this now when the season is already over?

This should’ve been brought up months ago!

All the things we could’ve seen the Cures done to protect the Earth without magic.

The excuse of “I didn’t know humans were so horrible!” is a shit one because everybody knows humans are deplorable trash when it comes to abusing the Earth. All the more reason why you have to persistently drill it into people’s heads that they should not be like those who don’t care or choose not to care.

One crack episode isn’t going to cut that.

God, I so want to unsee this ep just so I don’t have to end HealPre on a more sour note than it already was. *big aggrieved sigh*

Lastly (and this really is the end of my long ranting, I promise), the missing undisclosed lore.

There are few Precure seasons without a past lore of its own in the recent years. Is it a wonder, though?

Lore is mysterious and fascinating. If it involves a past Precure, even more so.

Sometimes fans might just hang onto a show because they’re curious about what happened before the main story. We’d never get the full tale of those adventures but at least, it’s fun to imagine the “prequel”.

Also, past Precure are just badass. Fact.

Strangely enough, we didn’t get that for Heal. All we know is that she was called “Fuu” and was very close to Teatine.

Hmm. Probably one of those changes caused by COVID interference cuz I can’t imagine the writers choosing not to tell her past in the original draft.

With all that finally off my chest, I’m ready to part ways with you girls until the next All Stars (Nodoka, I’m gonna miss you so much! T_T)

HealPre wasn’t the worst and it was nowhere near the best that it had the potential to be. But it’s passable. At least for those who loved it even with its flaws, I’m genuinely glad it was good for you.

For those who are thinking about picking it up (although why you would read this spoilery post before watching, I have no idea), if you’re looking for a standard magical girl anime to enjoy casually, then this is a safe pick. If you really want to invest your attention and heart into it, though? Then perhaps it would be in your interest to ask someone who saw it already to help you filter out the episodes that are worth watching. You don’t need to worry about the rest, they’re inconsequential. :P

Ok then! Thanks for reading as always, brave souls who have reached this point.

Stay healthy and safe out there and I’ll see you at the beach next week! Tropic underwater paradise here we coooooommmmmeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! xDDD

#i rage quit two drafts and an outline before i got anywhere with this #now if you'll excuse me i gotta catch up on my workout and play pokemon and eat pho later #and catch up on the ccs manga #livin' the healthy life oh yea~#healin' good precure #cure grace #cure fontaine #cure sparkle #cure earth #hanadera nodoka #sawaizumi chiyu #hiramitsu hinata #fuurin asumi #rabirin #pegitan #nyatoran #latte

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putschki1969 · 4 years ago

Photo

Keiko’s article in Fujin Kōron ~ English Translation

An interview with KEIKO was published in the latest issue of the Japanese bi-weekly women's magazine Fujin Kōron (婦人公論) [Issue 2020/07/28]. Purchase on CD JAPAN!

Note: Another lovely and very insightful interview. Everyone be sure to check it out! I love how honest Keiko is here. CREDIT ME and LINK to THIS post if you use/share this translation or parts of it.

♪ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ ♪

KEIKO (singer)

Regarding loneliness as something positive and continuing to sing

Debuting once again I want to enjoy my new self

In 2008, she made her CD debut with the ending themes of the theater version of "Kara no Kyōkai". After that, the three-person vocal unit "Kalafina" continued to sing many popular anime songs and theme songs for NHK’s "Rekishi Hiwa Historia". In 2019 the group regrettably disbanded. Now Keiko, one of the three members, is making her solo debut as KEIKO. She shared her feelings with us regarding a re-start in her mid-30s.

During my 2-year-hiatus I searched for my own music

When Kalafina officially disbanded in March 2019, I didn't think I would ever debut as solo artist. Quite the contrary actually, I felt like I shouldn't sing anymore. For me personally Kalafina represents the first time I ever pursued something in earnest, the first time I was able to create something substantial. For 10 years straight I kept pushing ahead and running, putting all my heart and soul into this project, trying to fulfill everyone’s expectations. That is why after the disbandment I considered retiring since I didn’t think I could ever resume singing, it would have felt like a halfhearted attempt.

Besides, at that point my physical condition was quite poor so first and foremost I felt like I very much needed to take a rest. Without doing anything really I just spent my days at home and talking with my family. Gathered around the dining table we would just spend time together and slowly my mind and body were healed. Soon after, I got inspired by my grandmother and decided to go to kimono school. While relaxing and taking care of my body and soul, I slowly got back into the world of music by talking to many people who had supported me in the past. I don’t think I would have been able to come back so quickly if it hadn’t been for all these people around me providing support. My two-year hiatus was a great opportunity for me to think about my future relationship with music and whether or not I really needed music in my life. After I came to the conclusion that yes, "I DO want to make music", I thought about what I could add to all the experiences I had accumulated so far in order to find my own music. I consulted with a lot of people and listened to their opinions. Eventually I took the first step towards my solo activities. My solo debut was decided and for my very first song 「命の花 / Inochi no Hana」 I took on a completely new challenge by writing the lyrics myself. After a lot of trial and error I was eventually able to come up with words that carefully emitted a fitting “reverberation”. 「命の花 / Inochi no Hana」 has a very sad melody so I saw it as my task to wrap up this sadness with the warmth of my vocal expression. That was also quite a big challenge.

I want to try my luck as the real me

Back in the day when I gradually embraced my dream of becoming a singer, I began to challenge my own voice but often I was feeling very insecure due to my low range. During that time I listened to all the popular artists such as Morning Musume, Namie Amuro, SPEED, and even Western singers such as Britney Spears and Beyonce. In my third year of junior high school, I happened to hear one of Yutaka Ozaki's songs, "5 Nights". I was utterly fascinated by his voice and it opened my eyes to the fact that I wanted to become a singer myself. So after graduating from high school I took voice training lessons and started to pursue a professional career. Then I had my great encounter with Yuki Kajiura, a music producer and composer. Kajiura-san listened to my voice, got inspired and wanted to make songs in lower ranges for me.I was deeply moved by the fact that she managed to turn all my insecurities into a powerful weapon for her music. Thanks to her it felt rewarding to be a singer. My current goal is to discover new vocal expressions. I would be happy if Kajiura-san and all the fans who have supported us in the past could enjoy this endeavour together with me, I would like all of you to wonder, "can KEIKO really create that kind of voice?" "Can she use that sort of singing style?" During the Kalafina era, we were mainly singing anime theme songs, so there were many times when I was worried about how much of myself I should put into my vocal expression as to not jeopardise the world view of the work. Somehow I feel like my humanity was erased along the way... I think it’s due to my extreme personality *laughs*. That is something I became aware of during my hiatus. It’s hilarious and made me laugh. It’s like I was watching a comedy show of my own life and all I could do was burst into laughter. I wonder if I was able to become a more real and natural me by taking a rest *laughs*

It felt very reassuring when the three of us were singing together. However, instead of feeling lonely in my solo activities I want to think positively and try to enjoy being by myself. Some people in my age-group have commended me for my courage to jump into this new world in my mid-30s but really, it’s the complete opposite. Going on this new adventure actually gives me courage. After all, I think it's important to deal flexibly with age...My motto is to always face myself as a woman appropriate for my age but being a singer is ageless. No matter how you live, health is the first priority, so I always study nutrition and try various health methods. I love sweets and I am constantly worrying about eating too much. However, I have learned that it is very effective to try and resist sugary stuff in the morning because this way your body won’t be craving it so much in the latter half of the day. Also, my body feels much more at ease these days. I was able to overcome my insomnia which had been troubling me for a long time. I did that by getting up at the exact same time every morning for two months no matter how much sleep I had gotten the previous night. I am also very much into beauty. I'm convinced that the secret to beautiful skin is to avoid touching it as much as possible. I use a foaming face wash and massage my face gently, making sure not to rub. This makes the pores less noticeable so I don’t require any foundation. This routine has improved my complexion and made my face much clearer than it ever was in my 20s. I think the real me will be prominently shown in my songs, so I try to keep my mind and body healthy and lively. After all, I want to continue singing for a very long time.

♪ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ ♪

Keiko (けいこ): Born in Tokyo Prefecture (1985). In 2005, she first participated as FictionJunction KEIKO in music producer Yuki Kajiura's solo project "Fiction Junction". After that, she joined vocal-unit "Kalafina", the group made their major debut in 2008, and reached their peak when they performed one-man-live at Nippon Budokan in 2015. After the disbandment in 2019, she resumed her activities as freelancer and returned to the stage as KEIKO for the live tour "Yuki Kajiura LIVE". In May 2020 her single “Inochi no Hana/Be Yourself“ was released digitally. This autumn an album with her new songs is set to be released

Composition 〇 Akane Maruyama Photography 〇 Photography Department

#kalafina #keiko #my translation #my translations #keiko interview

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saucyboystatus · 4 years ago

Text

Another Saucy Post

So I apparently have stumbled into a domain mostly inhabited by radfems and tbh I feel kinda like Gimli right now, but I’ll be real- I don’t necessarily disagree with radfems or their points, I can’t claim to even be really educated on said points. That being said, I noticed a particular trend when discussing trans ‘women’ that I think could maybe add a bit to. If you wanna flame me for it, flame me, but I think that this needs to be said. This TRA crap is affecting men too, in different and noticeable ways. Healthy, happy men don’t have a problem with women’s liberation and feminism. Hell, some people who don’t fit that category don’t either. As a man, I don’t see any reason why it should be threatening to me that a woman should have equal access to the wealth opportunities, security, and basic rights and freedoms that I possess. However, not every man has been brought up with that mindset, and those that aren’t don’t always have the opportunities to be educated like I am getting now. Trans ‘women’ prey on men just as they prey on women, but it’s in a different way, if that makes any sense. Their predation on women is pretty much the same as if I, a cis dude, were to try and do some terrible things to a woman, just with the bludgeon of ‘bigotry’ and ‘transmisogyny’ on their side. For us, it’s different, speaking as a man who was basically press-ganged into the troon cult for a while. Trans ‘women’ prey on damaged men. The same men that don’t get the proper mental health assistance because of the toxic masculinity pervasive in the American cultural ideal, that the man is the breadwinner, the stoic bearer of the burdens of his family, of his siblings, of his wife and children, who does not cry, does not whimper, does not complain. Trans ‘women’ come into these damaged men’s lives in a similar manner to other similar groups, like neofascists, incels, or religious extremists- they promise a solution to the angst they’re feeling, a pot of gold at the end of an entirely fictional rainbow- cut off your dick, permanently damage your hormone balance and endocrine system, and mangle your body, and you, too, can be as ‘happy’ and ‘free’ as they are, never mind the fact that if they were happy and fulfilled in their lives, they wouldn’t spend all their time bitching to you about it while they try to drag you into their little cult. While I’m not attempting to discount the experience and suffering of women in the face of men in dresses with or without axe wounds to the taint trying to invade their safe spaces, I think it’s not often acknowledged that there is a generation of disaffected, discouraged, and confused young men that are not being given the resources and aid needed to prevent them from committing the violence against women that radfems fear, the severity of which it’s not my place as a man to speak of. It’s the same reason we have incels trying to rape or murder the ‘Stacy’ who didn’t suck their dick on the first ‘date’ (that one time they hung out in the mall food court because there was no one else around and they weren’t going to tell you to fuck off in public) and religious fanatics who are willing to kill and die over a mangled, twisted version of their beliefs. Something needs to be done to not only help the women whose safety and security are being threatened, but also the men who are being brainwashed and victimized by these people.

#please don't bully me #i tried my best

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yandere-society · 5 years ago

Note

(ex)fuckboy maknae line hcs trying to convince the reader they're willing to settle down for her but the reader keeps refusing, not believing them.

admin / author: @an-ambivalent

Warning: This post contains yandere themes, abusive relationships, and the characters display other behaviours that can be triggering or uncomfortable to read. This is not for the light-hearted so read at your own risk. I do not believe any of the mentioned members would display any sort of this behaviour in real life and I do not condone this behaviour either. This work is purely fictional.

A/N: hello, I sort of used your prompt as a loose guideline. I tried to stick to what you asked for but some scenarios differ slightly from specific details of the request just because I think its good to have this scenario lead to various endings through different choices. Nonetheless, I hope you like it!

Jimin

It began with pleas.

“[Name] please, just listen to me,” Jimin begged, and he forcefully cornered you to the quieter side of the bar. He calculatedly situated you in between his body, and the wall to make sure you would not be able to get away.

He hovered over you threateningly, and it was a position you had long forgotten. However, just like unclean wounds that heal on the surface but deteriorate once they get exposed to the right stimulus once more, Jimin had returned in your life as the infection that would worsen the damage. The scars he left behind had not healed and now, would never heal because he was ready to inject the sick in you once again.

His touch lacked warmth and felt utterly icy – it was like sleeping with someone with hypothermia – he was going to steal your warmth for himself and then leave you shivering with his own coldness.

The long forgotten memory of his hurt had remained ingrained in your muscle memory. This was because you instinctively flinched as he grabbed your face with both of his hands firmly, and made you look up into his eyes.

Pathetic and utter desperation clinging onto the last remains of his sanity was strangely lustrous in his eyes.

“Baby, you haven’t been replying to my messages… That’s… You know I don’t like that,” He started, and as he spoke, his voice gradually lowered and his eyes narrowed into a glare. Momentarily, he ended up applying a bit more pressure on your face, and you visibly winced. Immediately, Jimin eased the amount of force he was applying on your face that could have potentially injured you.

“I, I’m a better person now so I’ll look over that this once. But I-I’m here because I’m ready to settle down with you now. I’m a changed man now I-I swear! I won’t exploit your trust ever again and I’m ready to commit myself. So, you’ll give me another chance won’t you [Name]?” He stammered, and although he was not gripping your face like a tyrant anymore, there was a dangerous glint of the devil etched in his eyes.

You shook your head.

“Doesn’t matter what promises you make now Jimin, it doesn’t change the toxicity and hurt you left me with. I– I can’t trust you, not after you cheated on me–”

“I only did that because I loved you too much! Because I was scared that you were so good for me

and that I was going to lose you!” He proclaimed, and in response, you scoffed. Fear forgotten, and with a new burning fire in your heart, you shoved Jimin off you.

“Go take that bullshit to someone else who’s stupid enough to believe you!” You snapped, and turned to walk away. However, Jimin grabbed you by the arm, and roughly pulled you back to him. With his warm breath fanning your ear – it was the warmth that he had started to seep off you without your realisation until this very moment when the cold shivers prickled your skin – his whispered threats killed the newfound determination you thought you had discovered within.

“I warned you I would only overlook you ignoring me that once. Do it again, or disobey me again, and I’ll upload your private little recorded videos from when we used to be together online.”

(Taehyung and Jungkook under the cut!)

Taehyung

The air in the atmosphere was tense, and the fact that Taehyung’ was close to reaching his breaking point, was evident in the way his irises were empty of emotions.

What was supposed to be a night of fun, something that would help you destress from all of the other ongoing stress in your life, had turned out to be the opposite; the situation was dire, and its’ twisted plot had just manifested the distress you wanted to get rid off in the first place.

“You thought I was just a fling?” He asked, and the way he spoke it was posed like a usual question, but you knew better. Beneath his seemingly calm state, there was a volcanic fury on the edge of bursting. The lack of emotion in his voice – a rare phenomena for Taehyung, made you gulp in nervousness. And this nervousness only manifested when you abruptly became aware of the fact that you were having this conversation while you were bare.

Feeling conscious about the physical aspect of your nakedness was never a problem with Taehyung. With his guaranteed experience that came hand-in-hand with his reputation of being a playboy, it never left any room for dissatisfaction. But much more than that, unlike with anyone else you had ever been with, he always took his time to appreciate – almost worship each aspect of your body. The concept of insecurity was nothing but a fleeting dream in the moments you were involved intimately with him. However, that was not the case right now. So, you could not help but pull the sheets around you closer to yourself, hoping they would provide you with some sort of comforting security.

“I– You can’t blame me for that can you? With your reputation, how am I supposed to think of this as anything else other than a fling?!” You responded, and the unintentional accusatory tone in your voice, caused Taehyung’s fingers to twitch in anticipation.

He really hoped you wouldn’t test his self-control again because he could only hold himself back for so long.

“I told you I loved you, and you said it back.”

“I– I thought it was an on the spur of the moment kind of thing,” You admitted sheepishly, and then all Taehyung started to see in that moment was red.

However, before he did something that would have worsened the situation for you or even himself, it was fortunate presently that you were willingly and had decided to speak just in the nick of time.

“I’m not opposed to becoming serious but I– honestly, I still have my doubts so if you’re willing to prove your loyalty and give me the time I need then we can try,” You offered honestly. Although, your suggestion was not his optimum response, it was better than what you said to Jimin in another alternative universe.

So, knowing that the situation could be better, but also could be worse, Taehyung decided this was okay… For now. In due time, once he proved himself to you, you were going to give him all of you, and nothing less.

He gave a smile that was strained ever so slightly.

“Sure, I’ll wait for you and do whatever it takes to gain your trust. I hope you willingly put the same effort that I do too.”

Jungkook

“You don’t really think you can leave without my permission, do you? Tell me you aren’t that stupid [Name],” Jungkook said, sighing. Then, he rubbed his temples as if to say that dealing with your shenanigans again was a headaching chore to deal with.

You bit your lip and shifted your gaze to the ground. The small packed bag you held in your hands that consisted of your necessities, was close to slipping out of your grip because your arms were trembling. Whether this was due to sorrow, fear, or both – you did not know.

“I, I don’t want to be with you anymore Jungkook. I can’t be with you! No matter how much I try to move on from what happened, I just, I can’t deal with it, it’s not healthy for me. You’re not healthy for me. P-Please just let me leave,” You pleaded, and the amount of unease you felt while pleading this, made you feel queasy.

Jungkook raised an eyebrow and scrutinized you with a judgemental stare, before he scoffed at you.

“How many times have we done this now? This is the third time you’ve brought it up. I told you I’m sorry for sleeping with others behind your back, and I promise I won’t do it again. What else do you want me to do?! I can’t go back in time and change the past. Get over it already,” He snapped, and you winced at the harsh loudness of his voice.

“Why are you so awful–” You started, but Jungkook cut you off.

“Why are you always nagging me about this? Did you ever stop to think that I slept with others out of my respect for your wishes?! You were the one who wanted to wait for your first time, so I respected your wishes and gave you the time until you were ready and fulfilled my own needs with someone else. And it meant nothing! Each time I slept with someone else it was always you I imagined, and after you became ready to sleep with me, I became ready to settle down with you,” Jungkook stated, and to him, what he said made perfect sense. He could not understand why you kept on bringing this up and not understand it by now.

And he was right in the way that you truly did not understand the logic behind his absurd reasoning. If anything, his logic left you feeling completely flabbergasted. The fact that he did not see anything wrong with his actions, and simply apologised for the sake of apologising and did not mean a word of it, repulsed you so much that you lost your touch with reality and were unable to grasp it.

Seeing the frozen look on your face prompted a sigh out of Jungkook, as he walked towards you. He grabbed your bag out of your hands with one hand, and one of your now free hands with his other.

He guided you back into your shared abode, reminding himself to arrange something that would prevent your attempts of escape permanently.

“It’s late at night, let’s sleep on this and talk about it tomorrow,” He said.

Jungkook decided he either had to lock you up so you could not get access to your belongings or any money to escape in the first place. Or he would need to induce memory loss to make you forget about the whole sleeping thing so you would stop bringing it up and live together with him in peace.

—-

I sort of associated fuck boy thing = cheating in this ;;

I sort of wrote and edited this (both) while being half-asleep so that may have contributed to some of the poorer writing ;_; I hope you enjoyed reading it nonetheless!

#yandere bts #yandere x reader #yandere makane line #yandere jimin #yandere taehyung #yandere jungkook #yandere jeongguk #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader #yandere kpop #obsession #possessive #yandere imagines #bts x reader #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts imagines #ambivalent writes

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