#i trust myself and how i perceive other people

[hesparksmyspunk]

@ofhastyinsight

Merlin's Beard, Potter, you really need to get your knickers out of a bunch! I was not hovering over you, nor was I treating you like you were some kind of invalid. If that's the perception you conjured up over me asking to pour you some pumpkin juice, then you have some concerning trust issues to work through. Let me be clear, Potter... I am not out to be your caretaker. I have no intentions of putting a bib on you or feeding you or anything mucked up bollocks along those lines. That's absolutely preposterous and absurd. I was simply trying to make an act of kindness to you like I would for anyone I cared about. It's what mates do, Potter. {My head shaking. Feeling myself becoming more miffed with him by the second} What will the next argument be? The next thing you can blame it on once your arm is no longer mucked up and in a cast? After all, that's how it feels... You are so knackered over someone showing any sense of care for you that you use any little setback as a reason to push me away... Before it was your course grades and now it's your arm... What will you blame it on next because everything I do is perceived as fussing. You say you want open communication between us, and that you want us both to be able to be ourselves, but so far, it's me who is allegedly mucking up your hopes and expectations. I am not going to change, Potter. I like showing the people with whom I care about that I care about them. That's how I show my adoration toward others, but it's certainly not because I deem them as helpless or needy. That's bollocks. There is a heaping difference between being a caretaker and fussing over someone, and being a true and caring mate to someone esteemed. {I paused in my words... Biting down gently on my bottom lip before I calmly added} Something tells me you don't want that, though. You don't want someone to show care toward you... That sort of thing opens the door to commitments, emotions, feelings, and letting built up walls come down. Perhaps you like the idea of us getting to know each other and spending time with each other in theory, but when it comes down to the reality of it, I think you push me away because you're used to being independent, on your own, and in the lead. I understand that, Potter... Should that be the case, we can just gradually get to know each other as friends and classmates, and see where it may or may not lead over time.

@ofhastyinsight 

{I was clearly just playing around with my comments to James. Ensuring that he understood that fact, both in my playful tone, as well as the smile dressing my lips too. James and I had come, nearly full circle, today during my visit with him in his hospital room, and yet now it was starting to feel like we had made no progress at all. I suppose I should have expected this, given that all eyes were nosily on us currently here in The Great Hall. In spite of James playing it calm, cool, and collected, deep down I knew he would be ashamed to be seen with me. A deduction that was seemingly being proven now with his snappy and rude retorts} Don’t get your knickers in a bunch, Potter. I was only joking. {I murmured out through a slight roll of my eyes, as my eyes shifted back down toward my plate of food. As he continued speaking though, I could feel hurt filling me, initially, before I became outright miffed upon hearing his brash retort about me showing up at the hospital without invitation from him. Of course he didn’t word it just like that, but his point was made crystal clear, regardless. At that, I expressed a light breath; taking a final sip of my pumpkin juice, and then setting it down onto the table in front of my before my eyes shifted to him once more} To be clear, I am, in no way implying that you can’t take care of yourself, Potter. I am well aware that you neither want, nor require my assistance. I had simply offered as a means of being kind. I see now though that this was a mistake, on my part, so consider this a lesson learned for me. Additionally, I am also more than aware that you did not ask me to visit you at the hospital wing. I had learned you were injured, and on my own accord, as well as out of concern for you, I left Potions class and went directly to the hospital, to ensure that you were okay. My sincerest apologies that my visit interfered with your rest. That was not my intent, by any means. Again though, I sincerely apologize and this is, yet another, lesson learned for me. {At that, I slid the plate of corn bread into James’s reach, so he could take as much as he wanted. After removing my cloth napkin from my lap, I placed it down onto the table beside my plate, and then shifted up onto my feet} As far as the Yule Ball goes, I’m sure there is someone else you would prefer attending with, so consider yourself off the hook with that too. After all, the last thing I want to do is to impose or overstep. {I murmured out. The hurt evident in my voice as I spoke} Enjoy your evening, Potter. {Without another word, I turned to leave the table. The way I saw it, James made it obvious that he was only tolerable about having me around when nobody else was around, but the second his friends were nearby, all of that changed. I suppose James will always be ashamed of being near me whenever anybody else was around. That thought stung, but at least now I know the reality of the situation. I silently justified as I briskly left the dining hall, and then made route straight toward Gryffindor; figuring once I reach the commons room, I would head directly to my dorm room, so I could work on some homework I was currently falling behind on}

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.

It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????

[caught-in-the-filter]

.

[heylittleriotact]

So I can't stop sharing this after realizing it myself earlier... After Rook tells Emmerich that they're a virgin, during their dinner date, and he clearly processes what is a VERY unexpected fact to him, he tells them that's okay, and you 2 can just take things slowly. :) It's sweet, right? But also... Emmrich... how fast did YOU wanna take things? Because now this man's got me convinced he was SO down bad for Rook, he wasn't gonna waste time NOT hitting it now that they're together. I'm unwell

Okay so I actually really appreciate how ambiguous they left Rook and Emmrich's sexual relationship until the coffin scene in the third act: they wrote it such that the player could headcanon that they had an intimate relationship already leading up to that scene OR it was the first time they slept together, and I think that's AMAZING.

I headcanon that my Rook (not a virgin) and Emmrich slept together for the first time the night of the dinner date, and I think that he planned the night not with the intention of seducing Rook, but with the mindset that if they were interested in moving forward with the sexual aspect of their relationship, the privacy of the Necropolis might be a bit more relaxing that the Lighthouse. It's clear that Emmrich has pulled some strings to have the gardens roped off just for the purpose of their romantic dinner, he goes above and beyond with the meal, they have a very sweet conversation about their feelings and attraction to each other, mention previous dates (or lack of), and the whole thing ends with a fade to black.

... and I'm a romantic degenerate who sighs and stares dreamily into space while twirling my hair at the thought of them making love for the first time on a bed of soft flowers in the garden, illuminated by veilfire as wisps float lazily through the air... but I digress:

Since Emmrich trusts that Rook isn't pursuing him from a place of "charming flattery" I think he takes their new relationship incredibly seriously, and part of that is acknowledging the sexual aspect of it. He strikes me very much an actions over words kind of person (hence the charming flattery remark), and given their circumstances and what they're up against, facing danger, violence and the possibility of death on a daily basis (especially daunting for him), I feel like Emmrich would be very motivated to explore that aspect of the relationship as soon as Rook was comfortable with it.

He's also older, more experienced (even if Rook isn't a virgin), and gives off the vibe that he's extremely comfortable with sex and intimacy based on the banter he has with Davrin. I think he views physical intimacy as yet another way to express his feelings for Rook and show them how much they mean to him. This man isn't sure if they're going to see tomorrow, let alone next week: he's only got so much time to make sure that Rook knows how treasured they are, so that's going to include romantic dates, deep conversations, surprising them with thoughtful gifts, and making love as often as they can get away with it. Regardless of what comes next, he doesn't want Rook to doubt for a second how much they mean to him, but he puts the choice about sex squarely in their hands and will let them ultimately be the one who makes the call as to when they're ready to explore that.

Once their relationship begins, he appears to court Rook quite ardently, with enough enthusiasm that Harding takes notice and points out that he's been mopey and distracted lately, and goes so far as to suggest that perhaps he and Rook are taking things a little fast. Even he's aware that this is moving at quite a pace, and he's clearly worried about how other people will/might perceive that given their respective ages - he probably thinks that people think he's a dirty creepy old man: a besotted fool, but I don't think he could approach Rook any other way even if he tried.

There are no half measures with this man: once he's in, he is IN. He's not fucking playing: this isn't just a casual fling that he expects to end once this evanuris business is over. It's probably why he comes off as a bit guarded and hesitant to engage with Rook's earlier flirtations: he probably puts this amount of care, vulnerability, and passionate authenticity into ALL his romantic relationships, and has probably been hurt in the past because of it.

Anyway, this has become suuuuuper unnecessarily lengthy, but I have so many feelings about this man, and I am indeed unwell too.

[galedekarios]

minsc & gale

recently i've been doing a playthrough taking minsc along during the limited amount of time we do get to connect with his character in the game and i have to say he's growing on me in a way he didn't in previous titles.

i wanted to take the opportunity here to write a short post about his relationship with gale because that, too, is something i found myself enjoying despite the (too) few interactions that we have between them.

minsc's initial thoughts about gale

Player: How are you and Gale getting along? Minsc: I do not wish to speak of the wizard. Minsc: I could not have said it better myself. - Player Option 1: Gale's great - what's your problem with him? Minsc: He came to me one night with a little book of mischief - full of words and their meanings. Minsc: 'Posterior', he says. 'Can you say 'posterior'?' I refused! Minsc does not need to know the language of wizards. Player: 'Posterior' isn't wizard-talk - it's another word for 'butt'. Minsc: It is an inferior word. Far too long to use in a battle cry, which is where a 'butt' belongs. Minsc: Gale would do better to educate himself in the ways of sword and steel than to throw these pointy words at Minsc. Minsc: Ai, yes. Gale also owns a cat. A cat with wings! That is most unnerving for poor Boo. Player: You should give him a break - he's only trying to help. Minsc: Never! If he is not careful, Boo will shred his books and use them as bedding! - Player Option 2: Did you know that he has an explosive magical orb in his chest that could destroy a city? Minsc: WHAT? Minsc: That is a thousand times more interesting than anything that has ever been written in a book. Minsc: GALE! MY GOOD FRIEND! WHERE ARE YOU? MINSC AND BOO WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT THE EXPLODING.

they may not start off on the right foot, but with gale's genuine interest in other people's cultures as well as his perception and easy-going nature that changes:

sorcerous sundries

Minsc: Minsc has never trusted places such as this. Too much of a wizard's power can be simply packaged and picked up. devnote: Grumbling as we make our way through the shelves of Sorcerous Sundries Minsc: Well, picked up by all but Minsc. When he touches the many delicate little jars, oh how the wizards shout and stare! devnote: Revealing that his objection of Sorcerous Sundries is not in fact a deep philosophical belief that wizards have too much power - they just make him feel stupid and awkward when he pokes at their things Gale: Fear not, Minsc. You have a wizard at your side who positively encourages such curiosity. You'll fit right in. devnote: Reassuring Minsc: Obliged, wizard. Should we find our way to a weaponsmith, Minsc will rough you up a little - so that you too can fit in. devnote: Warm, comradely, would genuinely be doing Gale a favour

i feel like it truly speaks to gale's character that he doesn't dismiss minsc here - neither his feelings of inadequacy nor his innate curiosity about the things he perceives as wizardly.

it would've been very easy for gale - the wizard prodigy, the former chosen, to archwizard - to act the part of the haughty scholar, akin to the arrogant wizards that minsc describes in this banter, looking down on him, shouting at him, but gale doesn't.

gale reassures minsc, encourages him, telling him he'll fit right in. it reminds me of the way he treats karlach and fostering her interest in books and reading. another pair of seemingly polar opposites that still find a connection. i do think gale is quite natural at this, despite his long time spent in isolation.

and minsc does appreciate it - his tone changes to one of warmth, one of camaraderie - and i think this is also when minsc's perception of gale changes: from the annoying wizard to someone he sees as a companion and friend.

rashemi traditions

Minsc: Gale. Minsc worries you might send a fireball up his butt, with all of this stringy hair in your face. Gale: Is that why you keep your head shaved? I assumed it was a custom of some sort. devnote: Curious, referring to Minsc's origins Minsc: Oh, no! Most warriors of Rashemen wear long battle-braids, weighed down with stone. Minsc can show you, when next we camp? Gale: Thank you, but I'm more wizard than warrior. I'm not sure my scalp would stand up to such a plaiting. devnote: Very politely declining

i like this banter for several reasons: i think not only does it show the progression of their relationship with minsc offering to show gale the traditions of his homeland, gale also shows the same curiosity he shows many different cultures and ways of life, same as he does with lae'zel for instance and githyanki culture.

when he declines minsc's offer, he does so politely, without insulting minsc's traditions, putting the onus on himself instead. he's the wizard, not the warrior.

house of hope

Minsc: Gale! You will perhaps able to explain where Boo has not - what exactly is the difference between a devil and a demon? Gale: A fascinating question, one that boils down to which criteria we choose to apply. Are we speaking about the physiological? Theological? Etymological? devnote: In teacher-mode - up for an in-depth, intellectual discussion Minsc: Eh. Just how-to-kill... -ical. devnote: Non-plussed, echoing Gale's ending every word with 'ical' Gale: Oh. Then for your purposes, they are exactly the same. devnote: Disappointed

this banter genuinely made me laugh. again, i like how it shows the progression of their friendship, to the point of where minsc goes from finding gale annoying to imitating his speech. and gale doesn't put it beyond minsc to have an 'in-depth, intellectual' discussion... even if he is disappointed by the end of their banter, realising that minsc's priorities are... elsewhere.

wychlaran

depending on your party composition and who you take with you, minsc can also call gale his wychlaran.

The Wychlaran, meaning "wise old women" in the ancient language of Halardrim, also known as the Witches of Rashemen outside their lands, were the spiritual leaders of Rashemen, communing with the spirits and guiding the souls of the Rashemi people.

minsc does use it, too, to describe a special bond and a sense of duty and protectiveness to the people he ascribes this title to. he did so in bg1 with dynaheir and in bg2 with aerie.

elminster

Minsc: It must be difficult for Gale to imagine great Elminster a-courting. Writing poems. Doing... certain... deeds. Gale: Long before my time, thank goodness. That's not an image I care to dwell on. Minsc: Ugh. It is difficult for Minsc to think of, too. Let us speak no more of it. Minsc: ... Minsc: Of Elminster and the sex, I mean.

another banter that did genuinely make me laugh despite the seriousness of the situation, especially given the bond that elminster and gale share as well, which speaks of paternal feelings on elminster's part that come with a certain sense of responsibility, as well as gale's admiration, but also often exasperation with his former mentor.

on a more serious note, minsc offers great insights in his interactions with gale and gale's story:

mystra and the vremyonni

The vremyonni or Old Ones were an arcane brotherhood in Rashemen. Men that were arcane spellcasters in Rashemen had two choices, exile or to join the vremyonni. Many vremyonni were kept alive for eons by longevity magic. Vremyonni were expert weaponsmiths and magic item creators. On very rare occasions, vremyonni would fight in the defense of Rashemen. Vremyonni used secrets of magic that even the Witches of Rashemen did not use, destructive spells forbidden among the wilds of Rashemen, in case such magic was needed. The Running Rocks harbored secret strongholds of the vremyonni. All vremyonni wore masks.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of the vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rashemen. Minsc: While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. Minsc: It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth I thought it born of caution, after some catastrophe wrought by wizardly men-folk of old. Minsc: Now I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm? Minsc: Though this suggests that Mystra has never tempted a witch into foolishness. Not that I would blaspheme by suggesting otherwise. Minsc: I forget why I began this long and winding story. Yes Boo - we have been spending too long around the wizard.

i think this is a very interesting banter, especially since it's also only marked to trigger if gale agrees to return the crown to mystra.

it's easy to dismiss this banter, laugh it off as just another instance of minsc being minsc, but i think it's important to consider it within the context of game canon and what has been shown to us.

it's a story and everything within a story is there for a reason.

another great insight from minsc comes if gale is pushed towards the crown by the player:

gale and godhood

Minsc: Who among us has not been spurned by a lover? But a word of advice, if Minsc may be so bold: Minsc: Let the wizard lick his wounds. Write some rickety rhymes, and weep most manfully into his hamster's hide. Eh - his cat's hide. Minsc: But... his boasting is unbecoming. 'Claim godhood', he says? Will this make him any less a man with a half-mended heart?

again, minsc does at times share great insight into other characters and he does so here again with gale:

will this make him any less a man with a half-mended heart?

i think it quite accurately goes straight to the crux of what makes it so very easy to push gale towards godhood: he is hurt. he feels abandoned. by his goddess. by his former lover. both as a mystran and on deeply personal level.

he is drifting, seeking something to hold his head above the water. if it's not the protag's love or friendship, it will be the crown.

anyhow, i never expected to write this when i first learned that minsc would be a companion, but i truly did enjoy him and his interactions with gale in particular.

[punkpandapatrixk]

⛩Lion’s Gate Portal to Xxx ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

Happy Lion’s Gate Portal to Xxx…! From X (infinite possibilities) to hyperspecific manifestation of things, events and people that are meant to inspire, excite and serve your Highest Intended Good! What collective do you belong to? What timeline of Humanity are you on?

Laced with the aenergy of the last Full Buck Moon in Capricorn/Aquarius (21 July), this Lion’s Gate Portal is ushering in a general sense of excitement like you’ve just graduated an important chapter of spiritual education~\`★_★`/

From here, you’re in a brand-new Reality offering brand-new sensations, experiences and opportunities. There is a mega-influx of high-vibe money, non-slavery work opportunities, spiritually-inclined connections and mutually-beneficial friendships for those who have taken it upon themselves to transcend above silly ego-driven drama default to this Matrix of misery. From here, Integrity is your Key to creating a perfect existence.

Enter the Neo Reality. Let the day begin!

SONG: Let the Day Begin by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

DOCUPUNK: Punk: Attitude | Full Documentary | Qwest TV

deck-bottom: 5 of Swords, Gold Astrologer (Simon Forman), Priestess of Integrity

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings] [buymeaboba]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Opened a Whole Portal to a Perfect Existence!

‘Listen. I’ve got this dream. I never told anyone and it acquired dust. But I can’t ignore it anymore. I’ve decided not to look away from the innocence that is myself!’ – Get No Satisfaction! by Sakamoto Maaya

chapter of triumph – Page of Wands

Of all the Piles, I feel the most ‘orderly’ aenergy from you. In spite of passion and motivation, there’s a strong sense of ‘control’ and order in the way you’re creating your new Reality. This sense of order and control isn’t of the egoic control-freak variety; rather, it is a result of your having complete trust in the flow of Divine Timing.

You’ve entered this Reality where everything you’re able to perceive is nothing but a possibility. So yes, as long as you want it, it can be possible for you. You’re now in a flow state of choosing only those possibilities that serve your highest good whilst contributing something meaningful to your immediate surrounding. In essence, I think you’ve become a true spiritual master!

From this chapter onwards, your stories and events and rendezvous will serve as a mirror to reflect back how much you’ve grown as a spiritual being in a Human body. You will be serving your purpose more closely to your original Blueprint. Many of you will find yourself being a teacher, healer or guide of some sort in many of your daily interactions.

cells full of Light – Knight of Pentacles

And yet, here you are teaching and guiding others, but you’re also gaining even more new perspectives from the people you’re helping. So you’re both nourishing and inspiring and amplifying each other. The people you’re guiding and helping are truthfully also on their own way of learning how to teach and guide others beyond your scope.

So this is the kind of Neo Reality you’ve stepped into. An almost immaculate circle of good souls empowering and teaching each other. You’re actively building a more positively-oriented Reality that on a spiritual level goes far beyond what can be seen on the physical plane. This is your Soul Work, in essence.

From here, I see that money and other ‘types of abundance’ that will make Life easier on a material level will naturally trickle down your Reality in tandem with how you’re redefining your ‘sense of place’ in this new world. This new world where most of us are wired towards healing and becoming a much more joyful, psychologically-liberated versions of ourselves~

shifting straight into Xxx – 7 of Cups

There’s a sense of needing to choose your Reality. I should say, a sense of needing to choose certain elements and aspects of your Reality. At this point, you don’t have to worry about choosing wrongly. There’s practically nothing you could choose wrongly. Everything is a possibility, of which purpose is to be manifested and experienced.

Whatever happens, that’s for your highest enjoyment in this theatre of a Human Life~ Many of you will soon or probably has realised that quite nothing in this Universe is as serious as it seems. It’s all a play. This world is an illusion just like movies aren’t real. Just like video games aren’t real. We’re playing in it just for our Soul’s pure enjoyment.

The moment you become crystal clear about this is the moment you become absolutely clear about your manifesting abilities. And from there, you’re Doraemon. You can literally call forth any kind of experience or a sense of adventure by reaching into the pocket of your subconscious mind~

What’s contained in the subconscious often comes through in daydreams and fantasies, right? ;) Those are all your possibilities. You can entertain whichever you want and it’s yours!

DESIRED REALITY🔻🧡

collective dharma – Red Magus (Edward Kelly)

unmatched charisma – Priestess of Fertility

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Held on for Dear Life, Now, You Can be Happy, Shorty~

‘I want to have more faith in myself. Someday, just like a flower… I want to offer a prayer to my future self. May you be happy.’ – Remedy by Sakamoto Maaya

chapter of triumph – King of Swords Rx

This collective is one that has had to learn to tackle the shackles of their logical minds hahah Too much logic means little to no magic! You got it? I’m reminded of this idea that ‘you can’t plan around Luck’. Luck comes to your aid when you have complete faith in your endeavour. Lady Luck loves those who are confident and courageous.

That’s been one of your biggest life lessons in terms of your spiritual evolution. At the present time, I’m getting that you’ve pretty much managed to let your logic take a backseat. Of course, it’s still there and it’s very necessary for rational reasoning! But your logic is an observer who tends to counsel you when you need to be realistic about your next steps.

At this present time, I see that you’ve managed to let your higher heart—your intuition—take the wheel of your physical fortunes. You may be seeing a lot of angel numbers and other signs of SYNK. You’re in sync with your Higher Self and team of Spirit Guides. Your faith in them—and in where you’re going—is actively opening many pockets of Luck in your current timeline!

cells full of Light – 6 of Wands Rx

Part of why you clung to so much logic before was that you lived amongst super judgemental bitches. Basically, society. Society for the most part comprises of very small minded, jealous fucks who don’t get happy when someone they know is met with fortune, right? That’s why society has a tendency to mock or underestimate those they deem ‘lucky’.

Society hates ‘lucky’ people; they instead LOVE those who struggle and suffer. I think in many ways you’ve had to deal with so much difficulty because you either let those types of mindsets affect your flow of manifestation, or, you yourself wholeheartedly believed that your manifestations and visions and goals could only be worthwhile if you crawled and worked under immense duress to get them.

That’s all in the past now. You’ve let all of that silly mindset become part of a dying paradigm. You ain’t playin’ like dat no mo. And those who can’t understand your level of chill can also die in that old paradigm. You aren’t the least bit concerned about what’s ‘normal’ anymore. From here, your Life is magick! And those who can understand you, will only find you inspirational, if not aspirational😉

shifting straight into Xxx – 7 of Wands

So there’s a sense of having ‘worked so hard’, but you understand that this is mainly your having worked so hard on shifting your internal paradigm. You held on for dear Life! Now, you’re in a completely different bandwidth of Reality. Upon finding this PAC, you may still be dealing with a feeling of always being ‘close’ to your goal. Just about there… Or, not enough effort yet… Not quite there yet…

But literally, this is just an echo of how you used to think about when and how your manifestations should come to your doorstep. Sooner than later, you’ll find yourself not caring anymore about the when or the how things are going to be presented to you. You’ll simply have the faith—the knowing—that what’s meant to be yours will never miss you.

Right now, if this is your main pile, you’re being advised to take it easy and plan little by little. Take as much time as possible to recover first from the stress of survival before you push yourself towards your goal again. From here, it’s not a warzone. It’s no longer you vs the world. From here, it’s Animal Crossing’s flower gardens LMAO Enjoy where you are. Enjoy this Reality you’ve worked hard to arrive at!

DESIRED REALITY🔻💜

collective dharma – Gold Astronomer (John Dee)

unmatched charisma – Priestess of Luck

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Stepping Out into the Open Sky, It’s A Brand-New World of Comfort

‘Blessings flowing over me, glowing, rolling over and over. Never want to go back to the way it was before. I hear someone whisper into my ear. I turn around but find nothing there. Until I look up and see colors of love raining down on me.’ – Colors by Sakamoto Maaya

chapter of triumph – King of Cups Rx

This is the Pile that previously dealt with an insane amount of psychological drama, karma, and trauma. It’s possible that you’ve indeed been given so much trauma by this world—this disappointing, disappointing world—but the main thing I’m getting is how you’ve triumphed over so many different streams of crazy in your head. I hope that illustration makes sense to you ^^

You’ve calmed down a lot. You’re no longer slave to your intense emotions that had often caused crippling anxiety. You had a lot of fears. You were possessed by so many demons. None was your fault tho. The world had given you so many reasons to be doubtful, and that made you incredibly fearful about some certain things that people take for granted.

But dang, you’ve simplified, haven’t you? You’ve learnt to do less. You’ve learnt to expect not so crazily—from yourself and others and even the Universe. You’ve truly learnt spiritual detachment, or soon to master it. You’ve realised now that you’re only responsible for how peacefully you can live your day to day every day~♪

cells full of Light – 6 of Swords

I see that you’ve left a lot of things, people, situations and places in the past. Do you feel somewhat lonely? It’s only normal but just so you know, you’re sailing above calmer waters, and by the end of this sailing, on some new land you will be meeting your Soul Tribe, and possibly even your romantic Destined Person ^^ So this is really only temporary no matter how long you feel you’ve been sailing in this ‘isolation’ mode.

‘Feel the world around you. Feel the world surround you,’ I think my music is saying that XD (I think it’s Ciggies After Sex) Truly a lot of things have changed and that you’ve become much stronger both in faith and your conviction. You jumped a fucking timeline and you’re not even existing in the same bandwidth of frequency as those things and people that used to scare you so much.

Just like The Fool in major arcana, you’re crashing and falling into this stream leading you towards true spiritual happiness and abundance~ There is nothing from the past that can follow you because the frequencies are simply different. And when you look up you’ll see the colours of Love raining down on you ^^ All is a shower of blessings from your Higher Self, Spirit Guides, Ancestors and Soul Tribes, as well as your Destined Person ♥︎

shifting straight into Xxx – Queen of Pentacles

For all of the spiritual work that you’ve done on yourself—which really echoes throughout the ages back and forth, affecting the past and the future positively—material abundance is yours to access. Some people who don’t truly understand ‘spirituality’ may think it’s funny how spiritual work is rewarded with money and other material possessions, but I’m sure you know better that we live in a material world XD

Having an abundance of munny, of currency, is proof that you’re living peacefully in the currents of chi. There is not so much resistance now between you and the whole of the abundance of Gaia. Best you do is maintain balance so you don’t fall out of the currents, right? Yes, as long as you maintain balance, in everything that you do and think, this material abundance is always going to be yours. Just…don’t go insane like those overnight millionaires who’ve ended up bankrupt in just 2 years. YKWIM?

I’m sure you already know how to strike a sane and sensible spiritual-material balance now and that’s the reason you’ve shifted into this prosperous paradigm. I see that you’re now able to afford whatever whenever you want. Keep reminding yourself of this: ‘My money bags refill faster than I can spend.’ Being financially abundant is such a beautiful thing because when you have more, you have more to share as well ^o^/

DESIRED REALITY🔻💗

collective dharma – Gold Historian (Raphael Holinshed)

unmatched charisma – Priestess of Enchantment

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings] [buymeaboba]

[valtsv]

i think lots of people who were bullied, mistreated, or ostracized growing up get pretty maladaptive about it as adults........ i see so many people on social media who seem think that what they went through was only bad because THEY didn't deserve it, and if THEY had the social capitol, THEY would've hurt people who DID deserve it, instead. i think having all that anger and pain in their hearts makes it hard to imagine a world without the violence they went through, so they fantasize about redirecting it "positively" rather than striving for a world where no one hurts like they did. i think it's a testament to your character that you went the opposite way, but i'm unfortunately not surprised some people have a kneejerk response to you taking accountability for your own behavior & refusing to continue the cycle of violence, since it doesn't square with their own ideas of victimhood. thanks for saying everything you have on this situation and being an all around kind, positive presence on my dashboard <3

no i completely agree, because for a time i WAS one of those people. i was so miserable and bitter about my own pain that i was jealous of everyone around me and perceived other people enjoying their own lives as a personal attack, and punched down out of fear of being knocked back down to the very bottom of the social ladder after i'd just managed to climb out of there myself. fortunately i've always had a personal principle that i can't expect anyone to do anything i'm not willing to do myself, so recognition of my own hypocrisy knocked me back on track pretty quickly when i realised that i could hardly expect anyone to ever extend any compassion or sympathy to me if i wasn't going to make the same effort on my part. and i won't pretend it was easy, because when you've been traumatised for most of your life it is incredibly hard to have faith in anyone ever again, and open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt by lowering your defences enough to let other people get close. but trust me when i say that it's worth it. no matter how hard an uphill battle it is, it's worth every step. i'm a much happier, more successful, loved and confident person because i let myself move forward.

[furiousgoldfish]

Does anyone else feel like their perception of love is wrapped and unrealistic?

For instance, I don't believe that I can feel true love towards anyone, because I won't ever truly feel relaxed or safe next to anyone; I won't fully trust them, I will struggle all I possibly can against getting attached to them, I won't count on them or expect anything out of them, I won't make plans, I won't imagine a future, I will insist on staying an independent entity. So I don't believe I can achieve true closeness or love, I think I'm fundamentally lacking in trust and relying on others, and I also won't believe another person if they say they love me, I won't trust that they can perceive me correctly, I will always project some kind of negative image of myself onto them and then believe this is what they truly think of me.

But on the other hand, I will also do anything in my power to not cause any harm to this person; I will not make false promises, I will not betray them, I am unlikely to say or do anything that even risks bringing harm onto them. I will look into and do research about anything they're struggling with and try my best to help, I will talk them trough anything they need to talk trough. I won't judge them unless they've done something evil, I won't allow my prejudice to form my opinions of them, I will look at their life trough their eyes before I look trough my own. I will hear them out about anything that has ever happened to them and care for them trough it. I won't be able to stay still if they need help, I won't reject or ignore their bids for attention and communication, I won't rest until I know they're okay, and I'll make it my business to make another person happy.

I feel like for some people love is a level of care and stability that doesn't even need to be that high, just as long as it's there, and I do that naturally, I care for every person in my surroundings to a high level, but I don't consider it real because I have no trust, I have no expectations, and I never imagine anyone to stick around.

So what I'm saying is, why is trust being propped as the most important part? Just because I don't trust someone doesn't mean I don't care for them, do people only care for others if they trust others will be there forever to potentially return that favour of care? Is this where I'm fundamentally different from normal people, that I can't function in that way? Do people love only if there's a sense of a shared future which they can keep as an idealized goal in their mind, and then the love and attention they give is supposed to bring them there? Is that actually a more natural progression of love, believing in the other no matter what so that the urge to keep giving love to them keeps being strong, because it has a purpose, a goal and a future to build? Is that just how normal people live, is it natural to expect to build a life that you want based on foundation of love? Is it messed up of me to care while expecting to be left and betrayed at any moment? Is it self hatred that I do that? Or is it self-protective, based on learned experience?

What are other people's definitions of what love is? Is it instinctual or on purpose? Does it need all human instincts and natures to function seamlessly, or once trust and expectations are written out, it can no longer be achieved? Does it require that endless trust and blind faith in the forever future? Does it tolerate a certain level of betrayal and lack of attention or interest? Do these things not even matter if the other person believes this is just a part of love? How would you describe what love is? Do you feel capable of it?

[darkcircles4lyfe]

What are your thoughts on the recent chapter?

This is a pretty vague ask but I’m pretty sure I received it yesterday. If not… oops?

I’m actually so excited for the next—that is, the second to last—chapter as someone who was deeply affected by chapters 391-395 and who just loves Toga Himiko in general, so so much. I’ve really grown to love Ochako’s arc too and I’ve come to trust the process here. I didn’t know about everyone freaking out until after I read 428 officials yesterday, and I’m not worried like that. We’ve been in this type of cliffhanger situation multiple times before.

The news that the end of Himiko’s and Ochako’s fight wasn’t recorded hit me hard, just like it hits Ochako, because the world doesn’t get to know who Himiko really is. There’s nothing Ochako could say on her behalf that would compare to actual footage of her pain, anger, joy, love, sorrow, and sacrifice.

…which is to say, Himiko does not serve as a martyr, a tragic, cautionary example. I’ll remind you that that was what the PLF reporter wanted her to be, and she was controlling and patronizing. Let’s think about this as a choice Horikoshi is making, to discard the only ammunition he had to make Himiko into an example and have it be even remotely compelling and satisfying. Boom, gone. There’s no footage. Why?

On the other hand, this is actually an advantageous turn of events if it turns out Himiko survived, because more calculated actions can be taken to keep her safe. I’m starting to see this as a turning point not necessarily for society as a whole, but for the hero profession and its purpose, wherein under Hawks’ leadership the hero commission could become the exact opposite of what it was. It’s no accident that the first half of this chapter is devoted to showing how the next generation and the public were both ~so inspired~ by class A’s actions in a way that mimics the chain of inspiration that motivated class A to begin with. Only this time, Ochako and Izuku are deeply uncomfortable with it! They don’t want this chain reaction to keep going the same way forever. These people look at them and have no idea what they’re actually going through or what they’ve seen. Future heroes who don’t know the real story. That’s very upsetting. Now they are starting to see firsthand how a pattern of collective forgetting is perpetuated. It won’t change until someone like Himiko is actually saved. No bright future without a place for her in it.

I’m excited because this chapter directly confirms Ochako’s awkward, overly cheerful mask for what it is, as it finally starts to crumble. In hindsight, she’s probably done this a lot in the past as well. It casts her whole character in a new light. She and Himiko are so much alike in this way.

I still have high hopes for this storyline because of how much it resonates with me as a queer allegory. Of course, Himiko is also literally queer, but I mean the symbolic stuff about her quirk and her family’s rejection. As a trans person who spent a long time in the closet convincing everyone around me that I was a normal, happy girl, whose pain and rage only festered and grew stronger, who was perceived as selfish and destructive, who was determined to live for myself but still doubted if I had any future at all… I see Himiko’s story as so perfect, so real, that I can’t imagine it ending poorly. And it doesn’t have shit to do with canonizing that ship, either. I’m not worried.

[worldofkuro]

I'm curious..sometimes I just crave platonic so...

What if reader was his little sibling? What would their childhood and teenagehood look like?

I’m sorry, I’ve been working a lot and I didn’t have time for myself. Next chapter should be uploaded this weekend.  Now, a Platonic question, I’m delighted ! I hope you'll enjoy it :)

Alastor would act differently depending on how you were.

If you were emotional, he would use you as his experiment. Why were you crying now? Why were you smiling? You were his little experiment and sibling, how lucky he was!

If you were a normal person, he wouldn’t show interest in you and just let you live your life.

During his childhood, if he created a bond with you, he would try to make you immune to others feelings, just like he was. If you were sad because an animal died, or because you fought with some “friends” of yours, he would try to understand why you were upset, or tried to understand your feelings.

For you security, and yours, he would try to explain to you how to perceive the world, never showing weakness. 

“ Dear sister/brother, you must have walls inside your head, no one can hurt you, no one, not even father.”

If you began to be like him, he would be delighted as a child, finally he wasn’t completely alone. You both would torture some animals in the forest, thinking it was your dad.

When you grew up and met Alice, Alyzée and John at school, depending if Alastor had succeeded at cutting your feelings for others, you both would see them as useful tools for your future plans.

But if you created a true and deep friendship with them, Alastor would just smile at you, with a hint of mischief. 

“ What ? You like them ?... That’s why you are the little one, so weak to others. Go mingle, it will be useful either way.”

If you were to fall in love with John, Alastor would be so disappointed. Raise your standard won’t you?

But if you fell in love with Alice and managed to have a relationship with her, Alastor would pinch your cheek with a big smile.

“ Well done, brat! A big fish you caught !”

If you ever were insecure about your relationship with Alice, Alastor would try to cheer you up but… In a weird way?

“ Why do you feel bad ? She is rich.” " You think you don't deserve her? .... You are my sibling, she doesn't deserve you." “ Yes, you both are girls… And?” “ You think you are disgusting for liking a girl ? Let me show you how disgusting men are, you’ll feel like you are the cleanest thing in town.”

He would want you to continue this relationship because it was useful for him.

Voodoo would be fun for both of you, and you would compete against one another. 

“ You can see people’s souls? Pfff, I can trap them.”

He would let you live your beautiful, loving life while he would go deeper into darkness.

Don’t trust him, he would betray you if he had something to win.

Now, now, if you were just like him, not feeling emotion for others, being selfish and wishing for power, then you were his best accomplice.

You both would be an unstoppable duo. Alastor would say that you both were twins, you were just a little late.

Killing your father would be a bonding experience for the both of you as you stayed awake at night for years, picturing how his death would feel like.

You would go sit into a coffee shop, talking about your last murder in a way nobody would understand.

You would want to have a job where you would be in the spotlight, just like your older brother.

But Alastor would never trust you fully, you were just like him, which meant you were dangerous, clever, ambitious. You were a danger to him, and even if he adored you because of how similar you were to him. He would try to kill you first.

And you would think just like him.

In the end, unless one of you moves to another country, you would be an amazing duo but also swore enemies.

“ Dear little one, it wasn’t nice to try to frame me for the neighbor’s death, but it was very clever. I can’t wait to see what you have in store! But now… This is my turn to play.”

When you both meet in Hell, you would smile widely at each other. Another game was on.

Fighting like siblings, even in Hell.

[itskattkm]

I would go high for you

Lorraine Day x fem Reader

Based on request: R helps Lorraine overcome their fear of heights. Sorry for the numerous requests! <333

Warnings: fluff, fear of heights and spiders

A/N: there you go my dear 😊 and thank you for the numerous requests!

“Lorraine! Stop your literally ripping my top off!” I said laughing as she started clinging onto me. Her hands in fists as she held the fabric of my white top, making her knuckles turning white.

“This isn’t funny y/n” she said dead serious. Her eyes were fixed on the ground that was about four meters away from us. I thought it would be easy, climbing with Lorraine out of my window to sit down on the rooftop so she could get used to the height difference. But no. It wasn’t easy.

“But let’s be real Lorraine, calm down. My top is all crunched…” I giggled slight and tried to fix it with my other hand. Half of my bra was looking out. “I know…” I chuckled and began slowly to calm down. I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her tight. Giving her the safety she needed while she inspected the height, watching over the edge of the roof.

“Oh sorry” she said and blushed. She laughed it off and let her fists relax. One arm still around my shoulders as she fixed my top.

“Thank you. Now. Let’s sit down. Get used to the height”. Loraine sighed and looked back to the edge. Her face was speaking more then thousands words. She was so sick of this. “Hey you asked me to help you…” I added.

“Yeah I know” she scoffed and her hand around my shoulder moved slowly down my back before it wrapped itself around my wrist. This was the sign that she trusted me. Her dark eyes showing slight fear, her lips in a light pout. Making her look like the cute little girl she was back then before puppetry hit us both and we were faced with the non innocent blur in our world. “Okay” I whispered soft and turned around so I was in front of her. I held my hands slightly up so she could use myself as some sort of support while slowly sitting down.

As she did, she wiped some dust from her jeans before looking up to me. Lorraine held her hand up so she could see me properly due the sunlight hitting my back. A happy smile overtook my lips “see it positive. You get to see the sunset from up here. You can see the ray of lights so good from here. They will be shooting right through the fields”

My smile grew wider, showed the excitement I was feeling and as soon as I was sitting down beside Lorraine, she wrapped her arm around mine and leaned her head in my shoulder “why are we doing this again?” She asked.

A chuckle left my throat and I nudged her gently “cause you wanted… we talked about fears and how some of them hold people potentials back”

Lorraine grinned wide and shook her head “oh right cause my potential will be so much more useful when I start climbing on top of roofs or need to walk over a bridge”

I laughed “you will need it someday. Trust me. I don’t know when or in what kinda scenario but you will be happy that you faced that fear”

Our gazes met while the sun began to set. Lorraine’s eyes turned so soft it gave me immediately goosebumps. The light of the setting sun was reflecting slight in them and i wanted to drown in there. Lorraine leaned it wich made my body react by closing my eyes. I felt her nose brushing mine as her forehead rested on mine “okay so this means we are taking care of your fear towards spiders then”

I pulled my head away looking at you with wide eyes while chuckling. “No… nuh, forget get that. Get that out of your cute little head. Nothing will force me to get near a spider by free will or touch one or hold one. Not god, not a higher power not y-“

Lorraine’s lips were lying in a gentle way on my lips. She tilted her head as she kissed me slowly. My brain had decided to shut down before I could perceive what was happening. Before I could kiss Lorraine back, her lips left mine in a slow and warming way. She pulled me closer, looked at me with that knees weakening smile.

A deep sigh left me “fine…”

Loraine’s smile grew wider and she pulled me towards her by my neck. Her lips crashed into my left cheek as she left there a wet tingling spot “I know you love me…”

“I do!” I said almost with a pout but then i couldn’t help and let a chuckle out “i will do it just in case I need to remove a dangerous spider or something like that from you someday…”

“Yeah. And I’m up here in case you fall, so I can get you back up” she said. Our eyes met again “we’re a good team”. Loraine’s dimples were visible as she leaned slowly in and gave me a soft kiss “we are”.

[megabuild]

bit of a ramble below! tl:dr; i have insane person problems and realised that this blog isn't healthy for me so won't be coming back until i'm in a better place, i have no intent on deleting it but may password protect it in the coming days for my own peace of mind :P love yall!

the absolute basics on my situation is that i almost certainly have OCD, have been vocal about this likelihood in the past, and while i was aware i was susceptible to obsessions and compulsions irt online interactions and my posts on here i was not actually aware of how debilitating the effect this was having on my life was until i went completely cold turkey and blocked tumblr from all my devices. like genuinely night and day. i have so much more free time when i'm not spending it constantly name searching on every platform available and scrolling through my blog over and over to be sure that i didn't post a slur by accident lol. i'd rather not get into some of the stupider details of shit ive done in the name of perceived moral purity because that's nobody's business but trust me when i say it was like a weight got lifted off my fucking shoulders lol like i was having regular delusions about making a post so bad grian himself would say i should kill myself on stream and believing it was possible 😭 really good disorder guys i love having this

i have a lot to say about the way this community treats each other, both good and bad, but i think i'd rather hold off and make more informed and thought out posts on that when i'm not still reeling from all the bullshit life's been throwing at me. i do love and value this community so much, especially all the mutuals and friends i've made here. i've also been made extremely uncomfortable in the past by the easiness that people slip into very strange relationships not just with CCs but with their fellow bloggers. including me ! and i am a relatively small blogger in the vast scheme of things. this is no hate to anyone who's sent an anon or whatever, many of you are lovely people, but it's also like, well i have been literally stalked on this blog before so i feel i have justification for being a tad uncomfortable . again, a lot to be said on the celebritification of average people and the obsession on making sure one makes "Objectively Correct" choices when doing something as simple as watching a minecraft series and having opinions on it .. but alas, no brain for it right now, and also i would rather not risk the ire of twitter teenager #48 lest i be qrted by thumbnail artists telling me to lighten up and accept the steady decay of all that is good in this sphere in order to make room for more #Content. Sit down and eat your yaoibait you stupid faggot! sorry this is a serious post ignore that part

to any of my beloved oomfies you are free to message and ask for my discord though i am also being a bit difficult to reach over there rn my bad (and i may not get back to you quickly because as soon I post this I am logging straight the fuck back out).. i have made a separate tumblr account from this one which is less social media and more a little archive of images and art i like (and also is not related to mcyt at all, outside of maybe one or two art reblogs if i see something that really catches my eye) so if we've hung out and you don't exclusively post mcyt you might see me around in your notifs but i'd prefer not to be linked back here. any projects, fics, other blogs etc. i have been working on consider on pause for eternity, with the only exclusions being 3rd life miraheze (which i'm currently looking into options for but will certainly never go away! much love still to all our contributors who have worked tirelessly through wild life to update our various spreadsheets and tables) and aoyuer which i'm sort of picking up and taking away and hitting with hammers until it's sufficiently divided from mcyt and i can call it an oc story for real. peep my toyhouse if ye are so inclined and wont tell the adoptbrained callout squads over there that my oc once upon a time was lowkey rpf.

anyway this has already gotten far too long as i'm a chronic yapper and overexplainer but thank you very much for hanging out with me and talking about these stupid ass blocks. i have a handful of posts in the queue i wont be getting rid of and don't doubt i will come back to chat more shit in future but at the end of the day i'm here to have a fun time on the computer and i just was not having that anymore. i was having a scary and fucked up time on the computer, and life is too short to put yourself through that out of some butchered sense of responsibility to the niche follower base you've cultivated. if you also have ocd delete your blog as soon as it hits 1k like actually. if you worked in the askbox mines and are now facing redundancy then go follow my enemy thecoolerliauditore. or dont im not your boss anymore. im too busy homebrewing my 3ds. smooches mwahs !!!!!!!!!

[cuttedgrl]

tw sh

sfx realistic it's not real :3

hi guys first post !!

i went a bit too ham on the right leg ( or just in general probably )

venting below ur free to click off if you don't wanna read

anyway i did all this because the people i thought were my best friends started verbally harassing me nd made me feel worthless nd shit nd i don't know why i trusted them in the first place they were acting like middle school bullies like ur 16 nd 17 not 12 grow tf up

i have a trauma related to being dogpiled nd insulted online nd it definitely affected how i acted theu made me have an anxiety attack at .least onr of em apologized the other is not sorry whatsoevr nd doesn't gaf

lowkey regretting it a bit bc i have a doctor's appt on friday morning nd my mom's tryna get me put in a residential program nd get my doctor to refer me to it if they even can do that , the plan is im gona pretene to be sane and normal but it's gonna be hard if they see this shit so im trying to make it fade asap so i can play it off as old scars

also they sting so bad i had to take tylenol like yes i cut myself but tskk the stinging constantly is worse than the feeling of being sliced

i am way too sensitive to how people perceive me . like mf if u have an issue with me TELL ME how tf else will i know otherwise how can i fix it if i dont know theres a problem

i haven't cut this bad in literal years i don't even know if ive cut this bad before

rant over class dismissed

[psyches-love-nest]

Sex advice for first timers and late bloomers (paid tarot reading)

I lost my V-card past 24 years old. People always go "surprised Pikachu meme" every time I tell this story, even though I found this age most appropriate to start my sex journey. I feel extremely empowered at the fact I chose when and with whom to do it. Before that, I wasn't a kid playing dollhouse. I was barely past my sweet teenage years, an anxious young adult dealing with Uni and some minor issues at home. I was busy, yes, but not at the point where I stopped getting myself involved with others who was either horny or struggling with their own sexuality. I don't have an excuse for not engaging in sexual activity earlier, I just didn't care and I was hoping to fix my trust issues before putting myself in a situation where I would most likely have a meltdown than getting pleasure from. Now that I'm nearing my 30s, I feel in position to guide others with their sexuality outside the Tarot advice.

I have received messages from various people where they state their concerns about still being "chaste" past their 20s. Some have only kissed one person in their whole life. Others fear the opposite gender, so they don't know how to approach them or accept their advances. They feel like weirdos and lacking community. If you feel identify with my personal story or theirs, then these readings are for you! I assure you are not alone and I would love to help you.

[Pack 1] $35

✧How will your first/next time play out?

✧How does your sensuality look like? (and how to master it)

✧What's blocking you from enjoying your sexuality?

✧Gift question: How can you improve your sexual expression?

[Pack 2] $35

✧What are your limiting beliefs about sex and your first encounter?

✧How can you improve your relationship with your body to start perceiving yourself on more positive (sensual) way?

✧What others finds attractive/appealing about you?

✧Gift question: short description of your first/next partner

▹DM me to book a reading

▹It's my PayPal link. A screenshot of the payment should be sent in, please

▹Feedback on my services (@solar-serpent is my main blog)

[renafisher27]

I think I've reached the point again when I'm in the waterfall of my feelings. So now this is going to be an emotional post.

Firstly I just want to thank Patti LuPone for everything what she is doing, done and will do in the future.

I'm overjoyed to have “met” the most amazing woman in the world since my heart is constantly searching for people who can make my life better. Even though she lives far away, I still feel like she gave me something special. The thing I really needed was confidence. I've always been shy and timid, but Patti, who was unaware of it, gave me courage and strength.

I'm not as reserved in private as others perceive me to be, and Patti taught me to be bold and unafraid to show the real me. Her encouraging comments and strong, witty demeanour helped me recognise that, despite my constant kindness, I can't please everyone. She taught me that, despite the fact that it can be scary, there are times when I have to step into the unknown, embrace uncertainty, and trust that I am capable of navigating whatever comes my way. Sometimes, growth only happens when I push past my fears and challenge myself to take risks, even when the outcome is uncertain. It’s in those moments that I discover strengths I never knew I had and learn that resilience comes not from avoiding discomfort, but from facing it head-on.

She also made me embrace my sexuality and made me feel her love and support. There are no words to express how much she means to me, yet she always makes me smile when I need it most.

So, what I’d like to say to her is this:

Patti, I adore you with all my heart. Your work has touched me in ways words can’t express, and your influence has shaped so much of who I am. I’m incredibly grateful for everything you’ve shared with the world. I truly hope one day I’ll have the chance to thank you in person for all that you’ve done. ❤️

English is not my first language so I needed a little help.

[junnieverse]

✧ — JUNNIEVERSE PRODUCTIONS

PRESENTS !

" spill your guts "

... Olivia Rodrigo's GUTS album

x ENHYPEN !

WELCOME 💌 : hi everyone, so this is officially my first ever series so thank you very much for being here. I am without a doubt in love with not only olivia's sour album but her guts album too that has been on repeat on my spotify every day. I soon grew inspired to write some oneshots for the enhypen members with songs from this album and I can only hope you all like them.

I also wanted to make sure that these songs gave off a vibe that linked to a certain member and I could easily think of a plot with that member and the song so it wasn't easy since I wanted it to all come out 'perfect' but albeit it was also really fun to immerse myself into these songs and write the stories so I just hope that you all enjoy my work.

I do want to give a small disclaimer too that this is ofcourse pure fictional work and I do not in any way perceive the members to be as toxic or have any traits like how they are in these stories. (Y/n) isn't much of a saint either in a few of these but they are simply a wounded character. Don't hate the character, hate their actions (well maybe we can tomato this toxic enha /hj).

once again, thank you all so much, I appreciate your support greatly :)

— this is mars signing out !

PAIRING : enhypen x reader

GENRE : angst , slightly suggestive , very little to no fluff

WARNINGS : toxic enhypen , mentions of infidelity , mentions of alcohol/drinking , swearing , mentions of insecurities , possibly suggestive language being used , etc

STATUS : ongoing

TAGLIST : open

(either comment or send an ask to be added, no dms pls)

✧ — [ 6 / 7 ] members completed !

✦ track 01 : logical

⨾ featuring yang jungwon

— you had known from the beginning that your relationship with jungwon was far from perfect, many would simply put it as toxic because of how manipulative he was but you were too blinded by love that all the lies and deceit felt meaningless. it was too late before you realised how dysfunctional it all was, love wasn't logical after all.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 02 : making the bed

⨾ featuring lee heeseung

— he was unattainable and yet you still wanted him. pretending to be someone you weren't putting yourself in difficult positions simply for his attention. with every move you made, it seemed you were digging yourself a deeper hole for a one sided love and through it all you were losing not only the people who cared about you but yourself.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 03 : the grudge

⨾ featuring park jongseong

— "forgive and forget" they'd say, if only they knew it wasn't that easy. jay was one of the people you trusted the most and he only betrayed your trust, no matter how much you tried to forgive him, you knew it would take alot of strength to heal from what he put you through and letting go of the grudge you held against him would be a long journey.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 04 : get him back !

⨾ featuring sim jaeyun

— despite having ended things with jake you were conflicted between hating the man and loving him all in one. you missed all the happy memories between the two of you but it was even harder to forget all the hurt he put you through. revenge is best served sweet, maybe it's time you get him back!

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 05 : bad idea right ?

⨾ featuring park sunghoon

— you were completely over sunghoon, no feelings for him whatsoever... or atleast that's what you would tell your friends. he was no good for you and yet no matter how many other guys came your way, sunghoon was the only one on your mind, maybe reconnecting as 'friends' would be fine, it wasn't a bad idea... right?

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 06 : love is embarrassing

⨾ featuring kim sunoo

— you felt like a complete fool. you told everyone he was 'the one' but seeing sunoo with someone else hit you like a truck. it was humiliating having to deal with the fact that you so easily fell for him and yet he had his eyes set on someone else. you knew you had to let him go and yet you were still holding on onto false hope.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 07 : vampire

⨾ featuring nishimura riki

— the ever so loved and popular ni-ki, cherished and adored by everyone for his fame and popularity and yet here you were laughing bitterly at how naïve and blinded you were by him. he would tell you how much he loved you but it had already been too late before you realised how he used you to get where he was, draining everything in you like a vampire.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]