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firedawnd · 4 years ago

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Love For Them (AKA, a study of Ace!Katherine)

Katherine Howard does not know love: not at first.

Not until he came. Not until he, broad-shouldered, bearded, creased face, the spitting image of alluring maturity entered her life.

Wordcount: 7366.

Series Link: Don’t.

AO3 Link: Love For Them.

(Yes, it’s finally here!!)

Heavy trigger warnings for r*pe, corrective r*pe, gaslighting, acephobia (external & internalised), grooming, internalised self-blame. No heavily explicit r*pe is shown but it is alluded to, implied, and in imagery.

Katherine Howard does not know love: not at first.

Not until he came. Not until he, broad-shouldered, bearded, creased face, the spitting image of alluring maturity entered her life.

Some have gushed about Mannox’s allure. He was… broad and dark. Desirable was the words which she had overheard some of their maids say.

And he wants her.

(Who was she to refuse?)

And so Katherine stares. Up at her music teacher. Of a gigantic stature; so much taller, stronger, wider than her was he. And that’s part of the allure, she’s sure, but she’s also sure that he can crush her in her fingers, leave her in only little pieces, mingling between ashes and dust amid piano keys.

He looks back at her. You can stop, Katherine. I see how you stare at me.

She flushes, then. She gazes up at him. Tall and glowering and imposing. A knowing smirk presses by his lips.

How… do I stare?

His eyes turn dark then. Don’t pretend you don’t know.

And she doesn’t know, she doesn’t, not really. All she knows is what the maids relay to her through bated whispers. He is captivating. Have you seen him? Dark. Mysterious. How breathtaking. I want him to make me his.

Mannox reaches for her hair. He combs his fingers through the ends. She lets him.

I’ll show you how you’re supposed to feel.

And she loves him. How could she not? He is… striking. That is what they say about him. He is… brooding. He is handsome. Desirable.

He fondles— he’s fond of her. And of course, she was never a fan of the sensation, but that was normal. Nobody liked it; not at first. You were to get used to it.

And Katherine is patient. She can wait.

Dereham is the next person they speak about.

How charming is he! So enchanting… so handsome… and so intelligent. Always so astute, so cultured and scholarly: one would think him a nobleman. I hear he is well-endowed… and oh, his virility…

Katherine knows of Dereham’s virility well. He enters the girls’ bedchambers at night. He and the other men. Their eyes prowl, like they are pickings at a market.

(Katherine always curls up in her bed, underneath the sheets, as if she isn’t there. She is not asleep. She knows better than to pretend to be asleep. But she curls herself up, as if, with enough time, they would not see her there anymore.)

And she catches his eye because she is independent.

That is what he says she is. That first night: when his footfalls pause by the end of her bed, and Katherine had refused to meet his eyes. She did not manage to curl within the safety of her bedsheets in time, and so she had stayed, there: eyes cast to the side, averting away from the bodies that mangle the beds and the screeches that interpolate the air.

Look at me.

She looks.

You don’t want me?

And she gazes.

He is tall. He has a strong jaw. A muscular chest. A symmetrical face. A powerful gait. Sculpted, is how they would describe him.

(So enchanting… so handsome… so intelligent. And he wants you . Do you really not want him ? Would you really refuse Dereham? Dereham?)

A breath catches in her throat . Because—who is she to say no?

But Dereham shakes his head before she can speak. He lets out a laugh. A husky laugh. One that speaks to pride and promises once he reaches out to her face. Tilts her chin down with his thumb and makes her meet his face. She lets him.

I’ll prove myself worthy of you.

He gives her 100 pounds. It is yours if I do not return from my voyage. And he leaves her with the sum of his fortune, and Katherine’s stomach is sick with responsibility, for she is merely fourteen, and she had not known him until months prior. What makes him trust her so?

He loves you so.

He reprieves himself from sexual duty. I will be celibate for you, my love. My eyes belong to you. And he presses a kiss to her knuckles, and the roughness of his lips do not leave her skin until days after.

The other girls jostle her. Stare at her. Scowl at her. Jealousy mingling in their eyes. Desire rupturing through their words.

You didn’t have to take Dereham away from us! Not the most… well-endowed man of the home. And they share giggles, and they nudge one another, and they laugh, and Katherine listens to their glee.

Do not tell me that you do not want him. Do not.

Katherine, you might as well let him have you. Maybe then he’ll have us too.

Is it not obvious that he wants you, Katherine? And he is trying so hard for your love, too—he wants you! Don’t be a tease. Give him what he desires.

And he returns from his voyage. She is there, at her bed. He approaches her. She does not meet his eyes. But the indignance is too present in his voice already.

Do you not love me still? I have done everything for you. Do you still seek to keep your independent pretence, Katherine? Or will you allow me to love you?

Her throat is sticky and sore. And she looks up to Francis Dereham.

He is even more masculine, upon his return. Muscles jut from his arms. As if he had been at work. Exuding an odour which is reminiscent of the sea. So much more sculpted.

Katherine, don’t tell us that you don’t love him. He is so handsome… have you seen his body ? And not to mention his charm! If you reject him… I am sorry, but your taste must be atrocious.

There is a plea in Katherine’s eyes. She flicks her gaze away from him. But it does not stop her from seeing a smirk writhe its way across Dereham’s lips.

He grabs her by the chin. Roughly, now.

Of course you love me.

Dereham reaches for her lips. He kisses her. His fingers tousle her hair. He combs his fingers through the ends. She lets him.

(Katherine had never wished for anything more different, then.)

“You desire him, do you not?”

Katherine flushes once again. She carefully turns her eyes away from Joan’s eyes. “He is… enthralling, of course.”

And she’s under Joan’s scrutiny. Katherine presses her fingers into her dress and tries not to squirm. Because she could see, couldn’t she? That Katherine saw him as majestic, as intense, as impressive, yet not…

“You want him, do you not?”

She nods. Vigorously. Twice—thrice—that should be enough to emphasise.

“Yes,” she says. “Yes, of course I do!”

For who was she? Some fool? Who cannot love Mannox? Who cannot love Dereham? Who cannot admire their... sculpted beauty? Who cannot love their bodies?

(She kisses Dereham more vigorously, that night. He does all he wishes to her and she lets him. She screws her eyes shut and forces herself to relax. For she loves him. For she desires him. She is not a monster. Who can love and cannot desire at the same time?)

And then she is raised up-high into the Royal Court. She is the Queen's lady-in-waiting. Anna’s lady-in-waiting. A marriage arranged by the ever-intelligent Cromwell. The German Queen, about to be wed to England’s most… fitting suitor.

They meet in the golden hours of the morning, at first. Katherine courtesies, but Anna waves her off: That is not necessary. And she is bewildered, at first, but soon her lips morph into a slight, not quite, smile.

Oh, she enjoys it so. She has a purpose, a reason, here. She is to serve the Queen. And Anna talks to Katherine, and she does her best to fulfill her wishes.

(At first, at least. Before their conversations had evolved elsewhere; beginning when Katherine had accidentally intruded upon Anna’s chambers and found her with tears glimmering by her eyes, gazing out into the muted England beneath her window. And she should have apologised profusely, and retreated, but words, unbidden, had slipped from her lips: my Queen, if I may ought to know… what is troubling you? )

(And Anna talks to her about home, about missing it all, about how much she despises Henry, how she wishes she weren’t here. Katherine’s heart wrenches, because even if she had never come from a foreign country to marry some man. She understands. Compromise. She understands. Obligation. She understands. Desire.)

They’d spend hours away in aimless chatter, since then. And every time she is not with Anna, Katherine finds an aching void in her heart, waiting, wanting to be reunited with her friend’s company.

Of course, she has the other ladies-in-waiting. They are amiable. Their company is amicable. As it should be, really. But Katherine cannot help but feel disassociated, from the conversation they make.

“... was none a man so stark and strong, of strength that ever came near! None a man so fair under God. He, the most bold, the most knightly, with the appetite, I hearsay, of a voracious beast…”

And she sees that, yes, he was a knight, he was strong, and yet….

Voracious? Beast?

“Katherine? What about you? What do you think of Thomas Culpepper?”

Her eyes snap up.

“I don’t know,” she replies, half a struggling smile parting her lips. “He is a… fair man.”

And she means it, in that sense. He is fair, of a fair proportion, a healthy man of his stature, and tall, too—that would be appealing. His facial features are even, smooth, and defined. Broad shoulders. Decently muscular. Tall. That perfect image of nobility. A peer.

He sets my loins on fire, one of the ladies-in-waiting says. And Katherine’s brow furrows. Of course, he was fair. And yet… loins…?

Katherine brushes the thought off with a chuckle. “Seems we may have to try and bring Lady Margaret and Lord Culpepper together, then.”

But by the end of the day, when it is merely her, and Anna, alone. They are quiet together. And Katherine always feels better, when they are together. When they talk, together. And perhaps their company is aimless, but Katherine is content, and so is Anna.

And one day when they are alone and together at night at the palace. Katherine tilts her head at Anna. Teach me how to dance, she whispers to her. My teachers had always found me unteachable. They said, and it was with a giggle that she kept within the confines of her throat, that I was unruly. Unfocused. Diffuse.

You would not learn much from me, then, Anna says, her lips curled in jest.

She feels something play by her mouth. She meets Anna’s eyes again, tilts her head. I would pay attention to the Queen.

Anna laughs. Take my hand, then.

They dance. And it is so quiet, then. Katherine isn’t sure what she was expecting. But Anna’s hand is soft, and her arms on Katherine’s shoulders are not invasive. What they do, is just that, as Katherine’s asked: they dance.

And sometimes, when it is only just them there in Court, Anna asks for Katherine’s hand. And Katherine fancies herself in a ballroom dance; in Hampton Court, maybe, or Richmond, during festivities: on St. Valentine’s day, perhaps.

It is there where they dance. In the centre of the room, next to nobilities and courtiers, yet they are too far away to touch. Where music ebbs by and invigorates the air in currents and flows.

They sway, to nothing at all.

(And sometimes, when Katherine gazes into Anna’s passionate eyes, her unrepentant fervour, her vigour and her smile , her heart flutters, ever so slightly.)

Yet it is so transient, like a flickering firefly to the ever-tenebrous night.

(And when she is raised Queen. It is as if that feeling were never there at all.)

And she is raised Queen, and she stands, in the hallways, next to Anna. Katherine is not Queen, not yet: it is not her coronation, yet, not yet in July. Yet Anna is no longer Queen, annulled, was what she had overheard from the courtiers.

It has been a while since they had spoken.

“You don’t need to marry him,” Katherine says to Anna, finally. A sad smile lifts her lips.

Anna’s jaw is set. There is a storm of emotion, Katherine knows, that is concentrated on her face. But it is kept under trellises and stone.

“Not at your expense.”

“I know,” Katherine says, quietly. She looks away from her eyes. “But I am truly happy for you. Anna.”

Anna shakes her head. It is like there is something she is about to say. But she leaves it. And Katherine meets, reads, her eyes.

I am not. Not for you.

And she does not understand why her heart aches so, not really. When, later, she turns her gaze away from Anna to Henry. She only understands that she aches.

(That word, Katherine would later come to understand, is saudade. Where the pit in her stomach. Tells her of what meets her in the future. Where her glimmering eyes. Brim, involuntarily, for they would not see each other again. Not truly.)

(Where she longs. For a time when Katherine were simply a lady-in-waiting, and Anna simply the Queen. For their conversations, for their dances, for their entwined hands, for their boundless laughter. For her firefly heart.)

(Katherine knows she cannot long. Not for long. And yet.)

Henry is repulsive.

And that is a shared sentiment. Anna shares it, with a scowl, contemptuous, from the day she had landed on England and beyond. Katherine’s own ladies-in-waiting share it, with a flitting laugh. She takes comfort in it. Good, she thinks, relief in her mind. I’m not… I’m not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with me.

But as her ladies-in-waiting make idle talk about Henry’s less-than-desirable state, they also make talk, other talk : Have you seen that courtier today? God above, he is gorgeous. Dudley, was that his name? He stirs in me a hot flame under my skin. What is with the nobility? What they can render me…

She is not even safe from that talk in the Royal Court. For, despite how much they are the King’s royal servants, appointed to serve, she still hears the courtiers speak.

…. who else finds your fancy, my lords?

I say she. How dainty, how delicate is she? Truly a fine, full, comely creature. So sensual in her beauty. So nubile in her fertility. How much I desire her…

They continue. And although they are not speaking of her. Katherine cannot help but feel isolated from them all.

Loneliness encroaches her. It delves down her skin, swathes across her limbs, until she is huddling and shivering and so cold. Loneliness makes her enclose herself, as their obstreperous conversations seep in her ears and she suppresses her repine. Loneliness is nighttime, when her ladies-in-waiting have dispelled and it is only she and him trapped in darkness.

And he parts her legs every night and she struggles and gasps and she quells herself.

No. She is supposed to enjoy this.

And she squashes the anxiety percolating through her skin. Even as he makes her lay on the bed and he crawls above her. A beast imposing. Panting. Wanting.

She looks away. She pretends that the windows are windows and not trellises that grip stone like she is in the Tower itself. She forces her eyes to the moonlit night and thinks of her virginity, thinks of her duty.

Henry reaches for her cheeks. He smashes her mouth against his. His breath is hot and his odour is heavy. His fingers wrangle through her hair, desperate, seeking, he wants her, he wants her, he wants everything of her.

And she is an orb, crushed between the weight of his grasp.

She lets him do it. She lets him touch her. And she lets him and she shudders with breaths that he thinks is pleasure. She lets him assume.

(And it is better, when dawn murks through the whole of England, and he gets off her, brushes himself off, makes his way towards his kingly duties. But gloom settles all the same, when it is night. And Katherine bites down a wince every single time his eyes go feverish with desire.)

It is then when she meets Thomas Culpepper.

She does not know what to think when she first sees him. For he was all-too reminiscent of those courtiers, the ones that would leer at ladies when they pass by.

But he is not.

He is kind, and he is all she needs, really. A confidant, a friend. And her heart is elated, for he does not comment upon any lady’s looks, nor does he ask her whether any man catches her eyes.

He guides the conversation. Of court affairs, of England and the world, of nature and birds. Sometimes, it enters into more personal areas: of her home life, of her time with Anna, of life with the King. But she is comfortable.

(And there is something that stays in her stomach. A certain gratitude. For she does not need to fear, when she is with Culpepper. She is no longer isolated, when she is with him. He is her companion. Her friend.)

(And some days, she allows herself to think that, perhaps, he is like her. He is disinterested in… the carnal calls of flesh, too. And Katherine knows that there is still something wrong in her, for she is supposed to love , she can’t not , but then, at least, she is not the only one.)

Until his hands snake across her waist and she feels the unbidden press of his cold fingers upon her skin. Until she had looked up at him, a question in her eyes. And panic resounds her insides.

Never have I seen a sultrier woman than you, Katherine Howard…

(And if she’s being honest to herself… it isn’t the first time. His fingers had always lingered a moment too long, on her hands, as he’d helped her off her horse. And his hands had caressed her cheeks, had slunk down her neck, despite how she shrugs away from her touch.)

His hands, like spiders creeping upon their prey, a foreboding madness latent in his grasp. Slinging his arm over her shoulders. Upon her back. Upon her stomach. On her ass.

But she wanted to pretend. She wanted a friend. Why couldn’t she— why couldn’t he—why couldn’t any of them—

And he’s boring into her, his eyes, and they are sharp-cold-curious, anger quivers in his blood-red mouth, and—

Do you not want me?

Katherine looks into his eyes. Into his glinting eyes and his fair face and his heaving chest and his chivalric pretence.

She shakes her head. The no is muted under her breath. Fractured by her heartbreak.

I thought—I thought you were just—I thought you didn’t want —

Katherine, he scowls. Exasperation on his lips. This is ridiculous. Do you not know love? Do you not know want, do you not know desire? Such a fair creature like you cannot not want.

She freezes.

(Does she not know love? She is supposed to. That is the ultimate union: of man and woman, tangled in love, tangled in flesh. That is God’s gift: love in sensuality, love in physicality, love in creation, the fostering of a child of perfect likeness.)

(She… can’t not love. That is… unholy. She should have at least reciprocated Mannox’s affections of her bodily frame. She’s supposed to relish in Dereham’s body, after he had loved her so. She’s ordained to love Henry, by God, for she’s the Queen, that is what she is supposed to be. Yet she can barely contain a scream when he is with her at night. She’s supposed to love Culpepper. The courtier admired by all the ladies-in-waiting, the courtier so handsome that it would be incomprehensible to reject him. That’s what she’s supposed to feel, especially after all that time of companionship, of courting, is that not?)

(But she doesn’t, and it is sinful, it is. Who has heard of a wife that physically cannot bring herself to love her husband? And not just that—but unable to take pleasures in the joys of flesh, unable to reconcile with the sight of unclad bodies? Disinterested in skin, in sensuality, in intimate connection?)

(There’s something gravely wrong with her. Something so fundamentally broken in her. And she is immoral for her relationships, she is false for her pretending, she is reprehensible. Was this punishment? Why can’t she feel?)

Her breaths go erratic. She hopes Culpepper does not see her freeze.

Culpepper’s eyes narrow. And his voice is low, she is uncomfortable, but she fixes her eyes ahead, still, forces herself to still.

Katherine. You are not frigid, are you? Do you not want anyone?

She swallows. His eyes go dark.

No matter. I'll make you love me.

I will redeem you.

I will save you.

(I’ll fix you.)

Culpepper reaches for her body. He rakes his fingers down her back. He grabs her hair and pulls so hard it sears her scalp. He roams over her chest thigh hips —

She sobs. She hurts.

She hates him.

She lets him.

And Henry discovers then, and she is dead, of course, and yet an irrevocable laugh sears her throat. And it is almost a choke, for, oh.

If it is not doing what she loves best.

Anna brings her to the others, after she returns to life again.

(They separate, after their hug. And Katherine keeps to herself, for her skin still feels tender, so delicate, so much like a newborn’s and she clutches to it, for she does not quite believe that she is here. Hisses from ghosts linger amid her breaths, and electric static runs through her heart.)

Perhaps that is why her first meeting with the Queens does not turn out to be the… best.

“Welcome!”

It’s like a dozen voices chorus at once, and Katherine cringes, because the noise, the chaos, the flurry is almost overwhelming. And then there is chatter, and then there are faces, then there are hands on her…

She flinches. His fingers drag through her hair. His words lurk by her ear. I love you, don’t you love me, don’t you like my touch, touch, touch…

“Don’t touch me.” Katherine snaps.

They all jolt away, immediately, at once. And the sensation disappears, just as fast as they come. She quells the tremble in her hands. Knots her knuckles into her dress and forces them to stop.

Katherine lets out a breath. Maybe someone says something: through the groggy murk that is by her ears, somebody probably does. But she steels her breaths.

“I’m sorry,” she says, a bare whisper in her throat.

“Don’t apologise,” says a voice. Katherine lifts her head to meet Anna’s eyes. They’re glinting. “I am glad we have you back, Katherine.”

She stifles the sob. She lets a soft smile rest by her lips. She looks around, and sees the rest, looking back at her. Some faces are kind; some are with concern; some are with half, not quite, smiles. All without judgement.

She says, “I’m glad to be here, too.”

The adjustment, at first, is not… easy.

Especially not when she is living with five other Queens, the only thing in common is their mutual ex-husband, and too much unresolved tension, unresolved drama to behold.

Katherine would not have minded. Not before. She was, after all, in a factious Court, one which its favour swayed between the Howards and their enemies.

But this was a different sort of drama. This was Anne Boleyn and Catherine of Aragon at one another’s throats; and when it was not that then it would be Boleyn against Parr, over Elizabeth; this was Jane Seymour attempting to quell the nonsense which did not help matters anyhow.

Perhaps she should have stayed at Anna’s home. At least she would be able to have some sort of peace and quiet, then.

But what the other Queens do have is boundaries. What they have is respect. For they have endured the same man together in their old lives.

(She doesn’t let any of them touch her. Not so soon; not yet. Her skin is tender, and her wounds sink deep. Listless dreams made of men pervade her head. No: she does not need touch, now.)

They respect her. They don’t ask.

And that is all she can ask for. She is glad.

(And Katherine later learns that what they have is mutability, too. Arguments resolve; apologies are made; pasts are put in the past. And while resentments remain, they dissipate, with compromise, with understanding. And that, perhaps, is as good as they can achieve.)

Slowly. Katherine gets better.

It is not long, then, after. After she’d broken down about her past. That their guards crash into sand. That pity suffuses their eyes. She knows she cannot get away from it. And Katherine resents it, really. But there is another emotion, too, that twines in her stomach, for being…. cared about.

They teach her. And Katherine learns. Of her past. Of her life.

(And one day, when she feels ready enough, her fingers stray to the handle of the opaque bookshelf. Katherine grips the book of survivors that Jane had brought her. She inhales a quiet breath, and begins to read.)

She does not tell them everything. She cannot. But they see the shame that flushes her face. They see the pain that wrenches her eyes. They see her huddle in on herself, they see her tuck her head between her legs, they see her quench her quiet sobs.

Those men were wrong. They took advantage of her. They molded her, shaped her, groomed her. They gaslit her. And, of course, she would not desire them. She was a mere child back then. That is what the other Queens comfort her with.

No , she says, shakes her head. You don’t understand. I… I know it’s wrong, but they… weren’t entirely wrong. Culpepper was… trying to help. And Katherine averts their aghast eyes, extricates the next words from her throat.

It is not just… that. I’m wrong.

Disbelief echoes in Parr’s eyes. Confusion’s in Aragon’s. Pain’s in Jane’s. Anger’s in Anne’s.

Why?

Yet every time she tries to speak, she cannot convey what she means. And so Katherine shrugs, lets out a small sigh, and smiles. Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve mentioned it. Just pretend I didn’t say anything. Never mind.

And she leaves, despite the calls in protest behind.

(She goes to her room, those times, then. Shuts the door. Curls in on herself. And prevents all thought from conspiring in her mind.)

But after those times. There is always Anna, who checks upon her. Who knocks on her door. Who asks if there is anything Katherine wants. Who takes her leave, if Katherine does not speak.

(And there is no question, no judgement, no anything in her eyes. Those days when Katherine opens her door for Anna. Anna simply lets Katherine talk, and their chatter is idle, as aimless as before. But it is like before, and that is a safety blanket that environs her, a feeling that she had not known she needed, not until they were reborn and present and here. )

And sometimes, if Katherine was brave enough, she would tilt her head, look up to Anna’s eyes, exhale a breath. Anna. Would you like to dance?

(And there is a certain feeling that stirs in her gut, when she takes Anna’s hand, when they take their positions in Katherine’s bedroom, when she closes her eyes and finds herself in an empty ballroom.)

(Fireflies. She thinks. It has been a while.)

They’re in a circle, playing a game. Katherine isn’t sure what’s brought this on, exactly, but her overenthusiastic cousin had dragged them all into a so-called Game Night and so. Here they are.

“… yes, that’s my choice on who to bed, shut up, Anne. That leaves me to marry Beckham. And I think beheading Henry is a no brainer.”

Anne’s eyes, tinged with mischievousness, light up at the last one. “I like your taste!” she exclaims. “Is that some revenge for me?”

Parr rolls her eyes. “Don’t be silly, Anne. Of course it is.”

Aragon scoffs at the sight, though her amusement’s evident in her eyes. Jane doesn’t even try to hide her amusement. Katherine watches Anne nuzzle into Parr’s shoulder. And, unbidden, a slight smile twinges her lips, too.

Anne must catch her stare because she extricates herself from Parr, and Katherine raises an eyebrow at the cunning smile wreathed upon her cousin’s face.

“It’s your turn, Katherine! Wed, bed, behead.”

From beside Katherine, Anna rolls her eyes. “Why can’t you just say fuck, marry, kill, like everyone else?”

“Shut up, Anna! It’s funnier this way.”

Anne rats off a few names. Their faces float somewhere in the back of Katherine’s mind. And she feels unease creep up her neck. She hasn’t really thought about what this game entails, until, well…

“... so, what do you think? What’s your verdict? And c’mon, Kat, don’t tell me that you don’t know. You’ve got to have a preference!”

Their faces are distinct, but distilled. And Katherine tries to make them clearer, for clarity in her mind. But even as she does, and even as the other Queens clamour, they’re the one with the abs to die for, he’s the one that’s a straight-up hunk, she’s the one that’s so freaking hot…

Katherine stares.

“I…”

Their words do not help her decide. And she knows there is a correct answer, knows there is a consensus that everybody agrees upon. Yet finding that out is another guessing-game in itself, like attempting to pry a sight from a stone vice.

“Oh, come on, he’s so sexy. Total smash?”

“She’s so hot? Like… so fit? Don’t tell me you don’t see that, Katherine!”

“Oh, come on! You can’t kill him! ”

“I—I don’t know,” she says, flushes. Panic spikes in her stomach, and she wants to leave, yet she feels so trapped, here. Because it’s like she’s back in Court again—amid the ladies-in-waiting, amid the courtiers and the noblemen, listening but not there, feeling a little colder the more the words exited their lips, a basilisk curling in her stomach…

Not because she truly doesn’t know. She knows, she does. There are men who are the definition of a knight, and women a definition of a fair maiden. There are people that are sculpted like Greek gods. There are people that she could watch, entranced, in minutes: for they were like nature embodied.

But she doesn’t know by their measure.

(Her measure is this, which she had used back in Court, whenever she had to participate in such discourse. Facial evenness. Body shape. Whether they wore short cloth or studded tunics. Yet, and this is when Katherine realises, yet they mean as much to her as a grain of salt does.)

They’re staring at her expectantly. She knows she’s supposed to say something. And it’s easy, really; her words slipped from her like water in the Royal Court. He is ravishing; so fanciable; irresistible, bedabble. She was so good at it, they branded her a vixen, a whore, a sex-addict for it.

But her throat’s dry and she realises she cannot speak. She does not want to say the same. Not to them.

(Not for them to see how wrong, how abnormal, how broken she is. Not for them to know that they aren’t guilty, not as much as they paint Mannox or Dereham or Henry or Culpepper out to be, because fuck, she detests what they’ve done to her, what they’ve done torments her at night, but they were doing it for her. )

“I don’t know,” Katherine finally says, letting out a small, quiet breath. “I—I’m gonna go.”

She gets up and leaves, despite their protests. She crosses her arms. Her stomach knots, as she advances up the stairs. She huddles in on herself, once she arrives at her bed. She closes her eyes, and lets out a long, shuddery breath.

Her room is colder than before. And she should stay there, really, until she drifts off into bed, until the nightmares tap her windows and trespasses into her mind’s eye.

But Anna doesn’t let her.

There’s a knock, two, three, at her door. Katherine? And Anna enters, before Katherine can respond because she’s so exhausted.

And before she can stop herself, a sardonic retort pulls from her lips, powdered with a smile. “Barging in on rooms today, are we, Anna?”

“Only checking up on my favourite Queen of England,” replies Anna, and a light laugh shakes Katherine’s chest; at least she doesn’t take it as a jab.

“But if you really want me to go. I’m sorry. I can leave—”

“No, don’t.” And there’s an unspoken please that stays between her words.

Anna stays. Katherine looks to her side; to the walls, to anything but Anna’s eyes.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” Anna asks. “I’m… sorry, if that game triggered anything.”

“It didn’t.” Katherine says.

There’s a moment of silence that diffuses between them. And the awkwardness is nigh-high in the air, oh so uncomfortable, almost as if she was back to where they began: Katherine, a lady-in-waiting at Court, fretfully counting down the minutes until the Queen’s arrival.

“What’s this about, then?”

Katherine lets out a low laugh. “Nothing. I just… needed a moment, is all. Think I had too much to drink.”

Anna’s belief, or lack thereof, is even starker after Katherine utters her words. And something curls in her chest, because she at least could’ve found a better excuse, or she could’ve said it earlier. Because now Anna’s waiting for her to say something, especially after Katherine’s told her to stay, and…

“... I don’t know,” Katherine says, sighs, tries to put a smile on her lips. “Look, Anna… I really appreciate you being here. Truly. But…” and her words falter.

Another pause.

“Katherine… you know you can talk to me about anything.”

No. No, I can’t. And yet even as those words echo in her mind, she knows it isn’t really true. She has spoken to Anna about everything; back in the Court, and now. So instead, she settles with:

“You wouldn’t want to know.”

“Give me your worst.”

Katherine feels something struggle by the ends of her lips. “Do you really want to know?”

Anna gives one nod.

Katherine exhales. She turns her head away, and a burn creeps onto her face, and she closes her eyes because she can’t meet Anna’s face.

“Fine. They raped me. And it was my fault.”

Nothing, for a moment. And then another. Katherine swallows and opens her eyes.

Anna’s eyes are wide. She stands, in stunned silence, for a moment, until her eyes narrow, until she shakes her head vigorously. “Katherine! It’s not your fault. I cannot conceive how it can be your fault, Katherine. They forced themselves on you!”

Guilt sloshes in her stomach. Katherine lets out a breath. Forces her words out of her throat. “No… no, it’s not just that. I didn’t tell you everything. He… he wanted to fix me.”

“What?”

She huddles in on herself. “I said what I said. I let them.”

Another moment. And another. And another. And Katherine doesn’t know what Anna’s thinking, and she doesn’t know, doesn’t know if she wants to know that it’s revulsion or confusion that colours her face, doesn’t want to know if judgement or aghastness that lines her eyes . But Katherine can’t bear the silence.

Please say something.

She takes another look at Anna. And something inexplicable reigns on Anna’s face. And then, the last thing Katherine expects tumbles out of Anna’s mouth.

“Katherine... what do you think of men?”

“What do you mean?” She scoffs, quietly, as if to hide the recoil in her chest. “I think you know what level of esteem I hold men in.”

Anna shakes her head. “No, I don’t mean that. I mean… how would you describe them? Physically?”

… what?

“Bodies. Flesh. Faces,” she says, without really thinking, and heat tinges her cheeks, because what is she supposed to say?

“... of course, their faces can be pleasing to see, but that is… merely that.”

Anna stares at her. “Is that really how you see men?”

“Am I wrong?”

That coaxes a chuckle out of Anna. “No, not wrong. What about women, then?”

Katherine stays there, bewildered, for a moment. Till finally, she finds the words on her lips.

“They are… bodies, of course. Flesh and faces. And their faces are certainly beautiful, of course. Like marble stone. It is not… I’m not… men and women are both beautiful. Like sunsets, or paintings, or well-crafted statues.”

“... Aesthetically so?”

Katherine nods. And even as she does she feels a sinking feeling in her chest. Because now Anna’s going to understand, now Anna’s going to know, and yet she cannot stop the words from forming on her lips.

“Yes, I suppose that’s it. They are aesthetically beautiful.”

There is a moment of quiet between them.

“Katherine…” and Anna gnaws her lips, “… do you feel sexual attraction?”

And there.

“W-what?” she says, and it escapes her throat, almost a laugh—yet the sound is more strangled than that.

“Like… how do I put this.” Anna exhales. “Do you see someone, and do you desire them?”

“I—I think they’re beautiful, of course.”

“But do you want them?”

She’s about to say of course when she stills. No, no.

She cannot lie.

For this is Anna.

(And, involuntarily, she thinks of when she was a child. She thinks of men and courtiers, of women and their laughter. Of bodies pulsating against bodies.Of skin grinding against skin. Gasps. Sweat. Breaths. Of slimy bodies and of repugnant odour and screams. Of crevasses that remind her of bodybags.)

Something bitter reigns on Katherine’s lips.

“... no, I don’t. See? There’s something broken in me, something unnatural, Anna, I—”

And she falters. Anna looks at her: with concern, with care.

And gentleness not before heard in her voice presses through Anna’s tone, so soft, so quiet. “Katherine, have you heard of asexuality before?”

And there is something that chokes at the back of her throat. As she looks at articles and comments and statements. Asexuality.

Because she thought she was wrong and thought she was broken and it didn’t make sense, not before.

But she trawls through articles. She trawls through what other people say and it hits. Their words make sense. They resonate.

This… this is her.

(And she remembers how she’d cried, then, into Anna’s shoulder. And she remembers when Anna held her. And had murmured.)

(They were wrong. They are wrong for wronging you. You are not wrong, Katherine. Don’t you dare say that you are wrong, that you are abhorrent, that you are broken . You are not. You are yourself. And there is nothing wrong with you.)

She isn’t alone.

(She never was, not really. But she just never… knew.)

They didn’t believe it when she’d said it; not at first, the moment she’d gathered everyone in the living room, told them she had something to say.

“I’m asexual. That means... I don’t feel… sexual attraction. Not towards others. Not to anyone.”

But the Queens’ eyes are wide and there is a glimmer of a smile that hangs off their lips. And Katherine feels something twitch by her mouth, too.

“Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us, Katherine,” says Jane, softly. “We love you no matter what.”

Her cousin has mischief made in her eyes. Parr’s own are sparkling. And Anna is smiling with the knowledge already.

She tells them. Because, unlike the Court, where her pretence was given, she doesn’t want to convince them of the same. She wants to tell them. Who she is. Herself, whole and herself.

And there are questions, of course; there always are questions. But they are made in good faith, they are genuine queries, and Anna is there to help her answer, too.

By the end of it all, Anne cocks her head. “Can I ask you a question, Katherine?”

(And it’s serious, she knows: for Anne, so taken to calling her a variety of nicknames, had never really called her by her full name, at all.)

Katherine nods.

“Is that because of them?”

Because of what they’ve done to you?

Katherine muses this, for a moment.

“No,” she finally says. “No, I don’t think so.”

Because. It is undeniable that they’ve... changed her. Despite how much she hates that they have. That she wishes it were not so. They’ve changed her. But not that way.

“I think I’ve always been…” and she tries the words on her lips. Half a smile perks by her mouth. “Ace.”

And they embrace her, there, and then.

(She lets them.)

And, perhaps, it comes to this.

Katherine Howard does not know love.

Not sexual love, at least. But sexual love is not all there is to love. And it does not mean that she is broken, that she is lesser, if she doesn’t want it.

(And… she’s still thinking about romantic love. She isn’t sure, not yet, at least. Perhaps she is aromantic; perhaps she is not. She’s not ruling anything out yet. She’s patient. She’ll wait and see.)

(Yet: the flutter in her chest when she sees Anna, implies, perhaps, something else.)

What Katherine does know, however, is this:

She knows love.

She knows love made with care, with zest, with euphoria.

She knows familial love.

(She knows romantic love.)

And that kind of love is all she wants. That love is what she needs.

(Katherine Howard does not know love; not at first, not all of its forms and its intricacies. But, she thinks. She does, now.)

“How about… I’m the ten amongst these threes?”

“Anne!”

“What? Let Katherine decide if she likes it or not!”

Katherine stifles a laugh in the back of her throat. She looks between an exasperated Anna to a far-too-happily expectant cousin. “I like the irony in me judging you all for your looks.”

“See! She likes it!”

“Only the irony, Anne.” Katherine says, a hint of a smile upon her lips. “I will never not enjoy the fact that the most sexual song is sung by the most asexual person of this group.”

Anne laughs. “Me too, Kat. And we love you for it.”

“Yeah,” Katherine says, and a certain warmth pools in her heart, despite how much her words are sunken in humour. “I know you all do.”

A/N. Hi all!

Thank you so much for reading. I feel like this fic is almost an amalgamation of Breathe For Them and Dance For Them; and I hope you’ve enjoyed it! I really have writing it.

Pertaining historical accuracy, the sequence of events are the same that of Breathe For Them and Dance For Them; obviously, I’ve taken a fair few liberties. A few comments about appearances are anachronistic, and probably what might be improbable was the Royal Court talk about men, since female sexuality was frowned upon. However, court gossip did exist, which is what I’d mostly basing those scenes on.

About Katherine’s sexuality—I headcanon Six!Katherine as ace homoromantic, who feels aesthetic attraction; which interweaves with the Don’t series overall.

I know that it’s been a hot second since I’ve stepped my toes into this fandom, and it’s been so much fun revisiting Katherine after… almost a year. But I hope you guys liked this anyhow!

#six the musical #katherine howard #anna of cleves #ace katherine howard #implied katanna #my fics

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ruvieracd · 4 years ago

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Do the Rochambeau Guys Look Identical?

Okay so we’ve gotten a few questions about faces. Namely, how do the Rochambeau guys look alike and not question it. This is up to the reader, really, but realistically, they wouldn’t look alike. To them, they don’t look alike. We picture them all as Lin b/c that’s what we’re used to as viewers. The more I write these characters, the less I see them as Lin which sort of helps b/c then my brain isn’t constantly thinking “CLONES” or something. I’m going to kind of talk about how I envision them and if you have a particular faceclaim for one or more of them, we’d love for you to reblog and add it to this post because we’re curious as to what you guys see-even if it’s Lin at different ages. Remember, whatever YOU envision is correct. That’s all that matters. I just decided since we were asked three times to kind of give an idea of what I see when I’m writing, but LOVE to know your ideas :)

Alexander: So Alex being the oldest, I get this sense of maturity and looking older than the rest of them (not necessarily Lee). I do see a lot of Lin b/c you can’t have Hamilton and not think of Lin. @break-so-beautifully has really molded him into this seasoned veteran wise badass that I adore and the more I tried to to think of a face for him, the harder it was b/c I see Lin but also just this handsome, suave guy who’s going to do whatever it takes to protect his new family. Definitely older Lin vibes.

Physical Description: On the shorter side-no taller than 5′8, and this is important to me because I’ve never been a fan of guys trying to make themselves bigger b/c height is something you can’t help anyway, and a short man that owns his height and is unapologetic about it is a plus in my book. Alex definitely owns his height. He’s lean and fit and has short hair (he’ll grow it out back to Ham style later) and is very Lin in those soulful kind of eyes and has a mild New York accent. No scars due to his condition.

Usnavi: I definitely get young Lin vibes from Usnavi, but I picture Usnavi being on the thin side-like he’s extremely lanky and is probably still ID’d out at bars. He’s on the darker side of skin shade (being Dominican) and has thick hair (you just can’t tell b/c it’s under a hat) which he keeps short. He has braces (didn’t get them until he was an adult) and looks younger than he is.

Physical Description: Lanky, average height. Thick hair and soulful eyes, but definitely tired looking with dark circles under them most of the time. Has the darkest shade of skin out of all the guys. Little scars here and there just from life. Braces. Almost always wears his hat.

Not exactly, but I have this kind of look about him in my head (the hair, thick eyebrows, facial hair, and thin boyish look about him)

Ruben: *sighs* Here we go-my baby. So...Ruben is also on the darker side of skin tone. He has that sweet, soulful-eyes Lin look to him, but his hair is curly. Like, when his hair gets long enough you can put that shit in a ponytail in no time. He has marks all over his body from his traumatic experience in Jamaica-burn marks, scars from being hit with an extension cord and a belt, a stab wound scar in his abdomen from an accidental stabbing, and Ian’s name branded into his chest from a hot coat hanger (check out RACD to really delve into this). On his face, he only has one visible scar near his jawline

Physical Description: Average height. Scars all over (wears long sleeves all the time and mostly sweaters and collar shirts), curly hair that can get absolutely out of control if he doesn’t tame it, big soulful eyes, soft spoken, stutters a lot-and the stuttering is extremely important. This isn’t stutters once in a while. This is a more frequent than not kind of thing. Even in regular conversation, he can be trying to push one word out for several seconds (don’t worry-none of the boys call attention to it). Second darkest shade of skin out of the guys.

Scar looks like this:

Luckily I have a faceclaim for Ruben and his cute face and curly hair.

The hair: level unbrushed and untamed

Alvie: The baby of the group (unless you’re counting Lyra). Alvie is the smallest, definitely on the thin side and has just this boyish, scrufy look about him. I picture him having kind of a really soft voice with a slightly raspy texture sometimes (plays in well to his power involves sleep so he might sound tired a lot). I have a faceclaim for him for sure. In my headcanon, Alvie’s half white and it sort of worked with him struggling to fit in growing up. My face claim for him is Alexander O’conner (Rex Orange County). He has the right boyish look to him.

Physical Description: The smallest of the guys (but also the youngest) and def still looks like a teenager almost. He’s half white and looks more white than Hispanic (but he does tan in the sun). He has a gap between his front teeth and doesn’t grow facial hair as well as the rest of them. He has self-harm scars on his wrists (from his teenage years) and a small scar on his left temple from a botched ETC session at Rochambeau. He has thick, straight sticky-up y hair. He doesn’t particularly know how to (or care to) to tame it and in Rochambeau they kept his hair short for ETC treatment so it would have gone from this:

to this:

Lee Scoresby: He kind of ties with Alex on the Lin faceclaim only he’s not short. Lee is definitely the tallest of the bunch. I think b/c he’s the newest character I can’t picture anyone but Lin, but he definitely screams ‘tallest’ in my head.

Physical Description: The tallest of the guys with a mustache and thick hair quiff. He’s right on the level of fit with Alexander only he does have scars-just cuts and nicks here and there. It’s important to me that he’s tall b/c he can tote Lyra around when she’s hurt or tired like a mother koala bear.

Lawless: Honestly since he’s not a Lin, I did not have to struggle with him. He’s just Leslie Odom Jr. I picture him almost exclusively always in a suit. Even when he goes to bed. Even when he showers.

Pippa: Same. She’s just Phillipa Soo.

Lyra: Dafne Keen only slightly younger Dafne Keen b/c she’s eleven in this story and I feel she’s small and can fit in tight places to hide and spy and she has those little kid long toothpick legs that are not in proportion to her body yet. More legs than torso.

#Lyra Belacqua #lee scoresby #Alexander Hamilton #usnavi de la vega #Ruben Marcado #Juan Alvarez #Rochambeau stuff #Rochambeau asks #Hamilton #His Dark Materials #House MD

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xadoheandterra · 4 years ago

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Series: Semblance Title: Patriciate Fandom: Jak and Daxter Chapters: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI Characters: Jak, Daxter, Samos, Keira, Kid!Jak, Ashelin, Torn, Tess Tags: Worldbuilding, Accidentally King of Haven!Jak, hurt/comfort, things go wrong, things get better, things get worse again, slow build, slow burn, slow to update, cross posted, fantasy racism, canon divergence, been meaning to share this here Summary: “It’s yours,” Jak said softly. “Keep it��remember where you come from. At least one of us should remember….”

If Jak knew the consequences of that one, selfish choice…well, he’d probably have made the same decision either way.

Bloodlines mean a lot to any Havenite, whether you were actually born in the city or not.

Jak let the sounds of the Naughty Ottsel wash over him. He kept his forehead down on the table surrounded by his arms, a glass of whatever Daxter grabbed for him from the bar in his hands. Occasionally his ears twitched as he registered a conversation from elsewhere in the bar, but for the most part he let his mind drift in a sort of laze reminiscent of his time on the beaches of Sandover. Here Jak remained simply Jak. Not King Jak. Not Jak of the House of Mar. Just simple, old Jak who happened to absorb dark eco like water and turn into a monstrous beast when angry.

Jak never felt more grateful that only a select number of people even know about the kid, let alone the kid and him being the same person almost thirteen years apart.

“You know the Commander is looking everywhere for you?”

Jak huffed. “Isn’t everyone?” he grumbled, morosely, but didn’t bother to look up at the young Underground soldier Daxter all but adopted. He could hear her laugh faintly at his misery, or possibly at the irony of the situation. Jak sighed and shifted until his chin rested on the table. He debated the merits of nudging the drink over to tilt against his lips; could he maintain the necessary balance or would he spill the precious mixture all over the table?

“No one knows you’re here, if that’s what you’re afraid of,” she said. From this angle Jak could see her chin nestled in the palm of her hand, and he had to fight down a rather violent flinch. He couldn’t stop his ears’ twitch back, even if he could contain his facial reaction.

Fire-bright, darkly amused stared down at him; a face nestled on a hand with a grin he’d begun to loathe, a twisted smile, pain—so much pain, so much fear, hatred—he couldn’t stop it. He tried. He tried.

She sighed, shifted, and turned her head away.

“Sorry.”

Observant, Jak grumbled internally. He let his head fall back against the table, if only to hide the sudden burst of shame that wanted to grace his features.

“I know I look like him.”

Jak snorted.

“You and a prick,” Jak mumbled.

“Ain’t that the truth?” she laughed self-depreciatingly, and Jak could hear her tug up the red scarf that almost all members of the Underground seemed to wear. He wondered, not for the first time, if it actually marked them or not.

Jak also wondered if the red scarf he wore—the one now tightly wrapped up like a hood over his hair, the one he’d worn for over two years now—meant to foreshadow his eventual membership into the organization. Such thoughts inevitably lead down the road towards questions of his own independence—were his thoughts actually his anymore?—so he quickly stomped them down.

Still, Jak huffed another sigh and shifted to peer only at his drink, she made for decent company—her uncanny resemblance or not. He just wished she were less observant.

“You never ask for my name, you know?” she murmured. By the sound of the way the cloth moved, Jak figured she shifted her head in the direction of Daxter’s voice. Jak figured by the rise and fall of a story told it came from somewhere over by the bar itself.

“You don’t seem to mind Dax’s nicknames,” Jak shrugged, “and you don’t offer it.”

She hummed, tucked her feet up—probably towards her chin. She stood taller than him—everyone stood taller than him except for Tess, Jak admitted grumpily—but with better proportioned limbs than Jak’s gangly own.

“I’ve not really had a nickname,” she said. “Not one I liked before.”

“Dax’s good at ‘em,” Jak murmured, then shifted his drink closer to his face.

“You’ll get your clothes soaked doing that.”

“So?”

“Do you want to ruin your lovely red hood?”

“Drat.”

Jak let his head slip back down again, let the noise wash over him. Even her, the sound of her breathing and heartbeat, of her voice, he found more soothing than the time at the palace. He wondered if he could just sleep behind the bar at night instead of the plush bed Ashelin all but ordered him to use.

“Think Tess would mind if I slept here from now on?” Jak asked.

“I think it’s more if Lady Praxis would mind, instead.”

“Ashelin can shove it,” Jak grumped, and then opened his mouth to continue on when his companion tapped the table with her nails. It stood for the unspoken warning signal that someone grew close to listening distance who wasn’t aware of Jak being more than simply Jak.

“Hi,” his companion chirped, and Jak’s ear twitched to the sound of feet that thumped and thunked in an even rhythm.

“Hello there, firecracker,” Sig’s deep baritone eased what little tension that drifted into Jak’s shoulders away, and prompted Jak to raise a hand in greeting. “Hello there, cherry. You drinking yourself into a stupor?”

“I wish,” Jak growled. He sighed and sat up, gaze stubbornly and morosely on his drink.

Gorgeous, firecracker—whatever nickname people used for her in the moment—shifted over so that Sig could sit down beside her. Jak glanced up, took in the weary features, and glanced back down with a frown. Sig looked worse than the last time Jak saw him. How long ago had that even been? He remembered Sig at the party, but after that? Jak sighed again. He sighed a lot lately.

“You look troubled, cherry,” Sig arched an eyebrow, and Jak shifted one shoulder up. His arm twisted slightly, his brow ticked down—without Daxter no one really noticed the full meaning in the motion. “Boring, huh?”

“Close,” Jak mumbled, “and yeah, kind of. Not a lot to do, I guess.”

“Not a lot you’re getting to do,” Firecracker pointed out, and Sig arched the other eyebrow. “Commander Torn has Jak on ‘hero leave’ for the time being.” She even did the finger quotes and eye roll that Daxter would at the words, even added the little sneer. Jak would’ve called it cute, once, except now after all this time he found someone mimicking Daxter a bit creepy.

“That what he calling it?” Sig questioned with a snort.

“That’s what Dax’s calling it,” Jak corrected faintly, picked up his drink, and took a sip. Tess wandered over, dropped Sig off his drink, and then wandered away with a smile and a wink. “Torn calls it needed rest.” Jak scowled. Ashelin called it getting caught up on all the shit Samos should’ve taught, Jak internally grumped. Like he even really wanted the lessons to begin with.

Precursors he was the King of Hell. Jak dropped his head back to the table with a faint whine.

“I just want to shoot things in peace,” he sounded like a whiny teenager, damn him, but he hated politics.

“I hear ya,” Sig nodded, tipped back his drink, and sighed. “What with this crazy traveling embargo Haven’s got up and running I can’t go salvage crap.” Sig glanced to Jak. “Your friend Ashelin tell you anything about that?”

Jak huffed. “I’ve had enough of Ashelin right now, Sig.”

“That bad?”

Jak scowled at his drink, sighed, and stood up.

“I’m going to go find Keira,” he mumbled, and started off. He only paused when Sig called out, “By the way like your new headpiece!” For a moment Jak thought Sig meant his hair, then he remembered his scarf and grinned.

“Trying something new,” Jak shot back, and slipped out the door of the Naughty Ottsel.

Keira peaked her head out from underneath the zoomer she worked on when Samos went quiet. She’d just begun to actually fall into a rhythm to the tone of his lecture, so the sudden stop felt almost jarring. The aged sage stood tiredly, a contemplative frown on his face, gaze off in the distance. Keira sighed, pulled herself completely out from under the zoomer, and wiped her hands down with a rag.

“Daddy?” she asked, a faint tilt to her head in curious worry.

“Hm? What?” Samos jerked around twisted around, the logs at his feet clacked noisily on the metal-and-stone ground of the garage. “Ah, Keira. Yes, where was I?”

“Daddy are you okay?” Keira questioned. She set the rag down on the bench and walked over toward Samos, hands snapped out to grab him by the elbow. “Maybe you should sit down?”

“Keira I’m fine,” Samos brushed her grasping fingers away with a harrumph. “There is merely a lot on my mind, so much to prepare…so much you need to know!”

“I’m not going to take up anything political for a few years, daddy,” Keira pointed out carefully. “Just because you and the rest of the Underground decided to…push Jak into this doesn’t mean I have to suddenly do everything either. I’ve got a good job here, a good thing going…and after everything that happened this city needs a good mechanic and some decent distractions.”

Samos sighed and didn’t resist as Keira moved him towards the couch set up on the other side of the mechanic pit. Kiera had the thing installed after the fourth time Jak popped up with the kid out of nowhere, intent on hiding from KG patrols. There was even a bowl for Krieg, the crocadog—although where the darn thing got off to Keira didn’t know.

“I know, Keira,” Samos said wearily, “I just don’t want you to be unprepared. I didn’t anticipate this outcome, and….”

“…now Jak is floundering,” Keira rolled her eyes. “Yeah, daddy, I’ve heard the story. Daxter won’t stop about how you should’ve told Jak something—even if it was just stories.”

“I tried…I did, Keira,” Samos shook his head. “That boy never listened. In one ear, out the other—if only he listened then none of this would be the way it is!”

Keira frowned. She’d heard Samos make the same arguments, and yeah she understood his concerns. As kids Jak, Daxter, and sometimes even herself were quite willful. Jak and Daxter always got into trouble, always into a mess or a location they should’ve been well away from—a part of Keira worried about them, too—but in the years in Haven they’d grown up. They were stronger, older, and world-wearier than Keira even expected to see.

“Daddy…” Keira said softly, and nibbled on her lip. “We’ve…put a lot on Jak’s shoulders.”

“He’s a strong boy,” Samos waved off her concerns. “He can handle it.”

“We put a whole city on his shoulders,” Kiera pointed out. “Sandover was one thing, saving the Sages was one thing, stopping the Acherons was one thing…it involved travel and danger and fear, but daddy? This is a city. This isn’t just the Sages, or the Acherons, or dealing with Lurkers. There’s so much to Haven and Jak…I think Jak needs a break.”

“He’s fine.”

Keira didn’t believe Jak to be fine. In fact he barely reminded her of the Jak she knew. Sure the zoomer races made her think of the times Jak helped her test the A-Grav, and the few times she saw Jak on the hoverboard—it was like Jak surfing on land instead of off the beaches of Sandover. There were little things, small snippets of the fourteen year old boy she knew, but the majority of Jak stood as a tightly wound ball that just waited to go off. Kiera didn’t like to admit it, but she feared Jak in a way now. She feared what Jak became, what had been done to Jak these years in Haven.

“Dax said he spent two years in the prison,” Keira whispered. “That he spent two years looking for Jak.”

“Probably did the boy a world of good,” Samos harrumphed. “A little solitude to think never hurt anyone!”

“Daddy…” Keira sighed. “I…don’t think that’s what prison was like for Jak.”

Erol never once mentioned Jak being in prison, back in the first year that she’d asked. In fact he seemed completely unaware of who Jak actually was, unlike during the races this past year. More times than Keira liked to admit Erol came into her garage, charm and wit in equal measure, just to ask her about the mysterious racer whose zoomer she worked on. Keira didn’t mind gushing to Erol—this was Jak, after all—and given Erol’s response at the time he obviously knew who Jak was.

“Be careful, Keira. Your friend is dangerous, more than you know.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Samos waved aside her concerns.

“If you say so, daddy,” Keira mumbled, and not for the first time wondered how long Samos sat in the prison.

Jak never did tell her just where he found Samos, but given the haunted look in his eyes it wasn’t anywhere nice. Keira patted Samos hand, gave him a wane sort of smile, and shifted over to her zoomer.

“You go back to work, dear,” Samos sighed, “and I think I’ll head over to Main Town and the Palace District.”

“Oh?”

“I have to reintroduce myself to what remains of the sage lines,” Samos continued with a huff. “Now that they know what I did in my errant youth there is quite a lot to make up for. Not that what I did was wrong; dare I say half this city wouldn’t be around if it weren’t for the Underground!”

“If you say so,” Keira said offhandedly, and Samos hobbled his way out of the garage. Keira watched him go, lips pressed thin. She looked back to the zoomer, and then looked away. Too much noise in her head, too many thoughts and concerns. Too many memories.

“Keira, I mean it; be careful around Jak. He’s not the boy you knew.”

Keira closed her eyes.

“Neither were you,” she muttered to the memory, and stepped around the zoomer. Maybe tinkering with the precursor artifacts were a better idea. Zoomers, right now, had too many bitter memories.

Halfway towards the Stadium and Jak decided not to visit Keira’s instead. He turned his feet over toward Main Town, and from there toward the upper noble houses. He kept his walk toward the shadows and fingered the passes in his pocket. Over the year he’d gotten quite the collection going. Red, the original card he’d found, then green, and then yellow for the areas connected to the agricultural sectors. Once, somewhere in the middle of the year when his rage started to mellow into something a bit less uncontrolled, but still fairly feral, Jak was given a pass for the upper crust of Main Town.

Now Jak found himself in control of two, but then he never did mention the first pass to anyone but Dax. He picked out the two passes from his pocket and stared at them contemplatively. Vin, way back in the early days, actually manage to lock the passes together into a wallet and Jak meant to use it—he did—but he always seemed to forget about the thing somewhere. Ashelin gave him something similar after being named King—said he should keep it on him at all times. Jak stuffed it into the sock drawer back at the palace in disgust.

If a wallet Jak must use, then he’d use the one Vin gave him—wherever it might’ve gone. He trusted Vin over anyone else with matters of technology, if only because Vin made sure Jak could follow along. Sure a lot of what the older man said went right over his head for the most part, but the fast-paced speed talking always felt like a slice of home. The way his eyes virtually glowed when he finally took off his goggles, the way they swirled like liquid blue eco, felt familiar. It reminded Jak that eco saturated blood beyond dark eco still existed in the world. That there was more than just dark eco here if you knew where to look. It felt like a slice of heaven in hell.

A house, lopsided and more ‘old world’ compared to the metal walls set in square designs with neat and perfect gardens, loomed up ahead. It looked rickety, worn and well cared for, and still somewhat chaotic and stranger. Tubes, wires—electronic devices of some make or model that Jak couldn’t understand—poked out of holes and out of a couple of windows. The eclectic design felt reminiscent of the Blue Sage’s hut that Jak sometimes visited as a child.

Jak slipped out of the shadows and into the blinking lights of the house in front of him. He pushed open the gate, ignored the way it creaked and groaned, and slipped past the overgrown front lawn. The flowers were pretty, as were the weeds that had over taken it, and the few pieces of discarded technology that seemed to thrive with the overgrowth. Calmly Jak picked his way towards the front door, raised his hand, and waved with a sort of faint smile.

“Uhm, hi,” he said, and shifted nervously on his feet. “I’m…sorry I didn’t call ahead. I—” The door swung open before Jak could continue, and Jak closed his eyes. He took in a shuddering breath and stepped past the threshold. Behind him the door slid back shut, and when Jak looked up it was into the eclectic, electric eyes of the person he came to visit.

“Jak.”

Jak breathed out a heavy, shuddering breath. “Hi, Zoe,” he mumbled. “Sorry I haven’t called.”

Matriarch Zoe smiled softly, the drawn lines of her aged face gentle and caring even as she lightly brushed her fingers against the red of his scarf, as if to tuck invisible hair behind his ear.

“You came now, child,” she said carefully, “and that’s all that matters. That’s all he’d want.”

Jak nodded once.

“Tea?” Zoe asked. “I was making Vin’s favorite.”

“Yeah,” Jak muttered. “That’d be great.”

#fic: patriciate #fic: semblance #jak and daxter #accidentally king of haven #canon divergence #wip #fanfic

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yurimother · 5 years ago

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LGBTQ Visual Novel Review – The Expression Amrilato

I adore any work that tries to do something different with yuri, and visual novels are perhaps the medium pushing boundaries most when it comes to traditional yuri storytelling. I recently played such a visual novel, Mangagamer’s English adaptation of SukeraSparo’s The Expression Amrilato. The Expression Amrilato is an educational yuri game, focusing on teaching the player the international language of Esperanto, or Juliamo as it is known in the game’s world. The game was developed in collaboration with The Japanese Esperanto Institute and I was thoroughly excited to not only experience a cute yuri adventure but to learn something new!

The story begins when the protagonist, Rin, is transported to a mysterious parallel world. It is almost identical to her own with the only obvious differences being the language spoken and the eternally pink sky. Lost and scared, Rin frantically tries to figure out what is going on to no avail. Fortunately, she is saved by a younger girl, Ruka, who speaks a smattering of the Japanese familiar to Rin.

Soon Rin is registered as a vizitanto (the Esperanto term for visitor), a person who traveled to the world from another. Ruka, who again, is three years her junior, is established as her guardian, a dynamic Rin is somewhat embarrassed by. The two girls begin living together in Ruka’s apartment as Rin learns the basics of Juliamo. She is assisted in this endeavor by Ruka and the helpful, if somewhat mischievous, librarian, Rei.

These three women, Rin, Ruka, and Rei, are the main cast of the visual novel. By focusing on such a small cast SukeraSparo was able to give each of them a distinct personality, complexity, and intricate relationships with each other. As previously mentioned, Rei is mischievous and often pokes fun at Rin and Ruka. However, she is incredibly protective of both of them, giving advice and acting as a sort of parent to the two younger girls. This dichotomy of character works surprisingly well, especially later in the game as she reveals more about the world and her past.

Rei is excellent but the highlight of the game is Ruka and Rin. Rin is a superb protagonist. She often thinks and narrates inwardly, giving us insight into her feelings. She describes herself as pretty unremarkable but is determined to be good at one thing, learning Juliamo. She also constantly ponders and overthinks her relationship with Ruka, an incredibly complicated topic. Ruka, however, is much more quietly confident and reserve (as well as adorable). Although the younger girl is prone to pouting and frustration at Rin’s occasional stupidity. But, their relationship is the real highlight of the game.

Rin is “freeloading” off Ruka, and as Ruka is her guardian and teacher she is subservient. However, these tables are turned at times as Rin helps to teach Ruka more Japanese. Rin is also attracted to Ruka but she often blunders attempts to navigate or explain her feelings. The main boundary here is their language difference, which compels both Rin and the player to do their best learning Juliamo.

Rei acts as Rin’s primary resource for learning about the world she has wandered into. There is a surprising amount and world-building in The Expression Amrilato, particularly around the mechanics of how vizitanto come to the world and how governments support them. The established systems for how these vizitanto exist and assimilate, or not, into the world are fascinating and incredibly well thought out. This detailed setting creates an excellent framework for both the game’s education aspects and the core romance.

Overall, the romantic plot between Rin and Ruka is nothing new, it is the same “girl meets girl, girls likes girl, they get together” plot that has been told and retold countless times in the genre. This is not to say the romance is not enjoyable. Rin’s embarrassment and fumbling attempts to control her feelings for Ruka are simultaneously adorable and hilarious. The game has some fun with cliche moments like Rin falling into Ruka and them ending in a compromised position but also has some excellent human moments between the two, such as Ruka sleeping next to Rin to comfort her. The visual novel is decently tame with a little bit of suggestive description and one non-nude bathing scene early on. The lack of service feels appropriate and the characters are still able to hold their own romantic and sexual identities, a welcome accomplishment in the yuri genre which often spends too much time focusing on girls freaking out that they like other girls.

Choices exist in the game, primarily around using the Juliamo language. However, the romance and Rin’s fate ends in one of three ways, good, neutral, or bad, according to late game choices. I strongly disliked the choices as, for the most part, they have no clear indicator of where they are going, turning the story into guesswork, which was indeed my process to find all three endings, replaying the last section over and over again. Furthermore, on some routes, the choices that most players will want to make can lock them out of the best ending. I also was baffled by the choice to not have the player’s aptitude with Juliamo factor into the ending, as you can fail every quiz and get every dialogue option wrong and this will not affect the endings at all. Fortunately, the choices that do affect the ending are late in the game, so backtracking to find your desired outcome is possible.

The character designs and artwork are by Naruse Chisato, and she does a fantastic job. Each of the major characters looks are distinctive, with differing heights, body types, fashion sense, and proportions. I particularly enjoyed the varying outfits on Ruka and her facial expressions (especially when pouting). However, the characters often have a stiff cardboard feel to them, as they have very few poses and clash somewhat against the depth of the backgrounds. Additionally, some of the expressions, particularly on Rei, appear warped and unnatural.

The backgrounds and CG artwork, the latter of which are plentiful, are wonderful. They have a soft pastel look without ever being washed out, and the characters here appear much more at home in their environments and more animated, with cutouts frequently appearing in CGs to show action. Different art assets used in the educational scenes such as flashcards or writing on a chalkboard are excellent editions. Unfortunately, as the story takes place primarily in Ruka’s apartment and the library, the player will quickly become bored by these backgrounds and long for a change of scenery.

The voice talent matches the artwork in its high quality. This is particularly important in this game, as listening to language pronunciation is vital. The actresses easily switch between Esperanto and Japanese in a natural-sounding way. Great praise must be given to voice actresses for Rin and Ruka, Nagatsuma Juri and Uchida Shuu respectively, who convincingly stuttering and struggling over the languages their characters are learning while still being comprehensible.

Sadly, I found the soundtrack to be severely lacking. The game opens with an intro song, accompanied by animation, which was nice for a listen or two but I quickly grew tired of it. This is the most praise I have to offer the music. Most of the tracks are boring at best and at worst grate on the ears with discordant and irritating sounds. If I had not been playing the game to review it I would have disabled music after the first hour.

Finally, I cannot conclude my review of The Expression Amrilato without talking about the educational aspects and value of the game. For those of you who may not have known or have forgotten, when I am not writting about gay anime I am a teacher and spend a great deal of time studying pedagogy. Educational software can be an amazing tool for teaching, as it offers three key benefits, feedback, increased engagement, and interactivity. Using these criteria and just some of the knowledge I have gained from spending my entire life in school, although not always as a student, I examined how The Expression Amrilato teaches Esperanto.

The language is primarily taught through quiz-based learning. There are seven lessons which build on each other and the player then answers questions on. I was surprised by the variety in these quizzes, as they are not always just spouting the vocabulary word to name an object but can involve sentence and grammatical construction as well. Some of them are quite creative, such as when learning the parts of the body the player clicks on Ruka to identify the word she gives. These quizzes can be accessed independently after playing through them via the main menu and there is a Juliamo dictionary, although this is unlocked much later in the game than I would have liked.

Outside of the quizzes, new vocabulary and grammatical rules are often given and old ones reviewed, which appear as little pop-in at the side of the screen that gives pronunciation and spelling. Some gameplay sections of the visual novel have Rin complete actions that review previous lessons, such as going out shopping and needing to name the foods she buys. I enjoyed these sections in particular, as they felt more compelling to me than the quizzes ever did.

Given the criteria for education software, The Expression Amrilato does an okay but not amazing job. It does offer instant feedback, telling the player if they got a question wrong and giving them the correct answer, and has limited interactivity. However, on this front, I cannot help but wonder if the medium is holding the game back. The player never has many complicated choices or questions, and cannot write in answers or construct sentences. Instead, the quizzes and story sections are limited almost exclusively to multiple-choice selection. Engagement is probably where the game shines most, as it has a deep story and amazing art to compliment the learning.

The Expression Amrilato is a unique and enjoyable experience. The story has surprising depth, although it did little to break out of genre tropes. The game’s artwork is stupendous, giving both quality designs and backgrounds and a plethora of great CGs. The yuri romance is reliably cute and serves as a fun framework for learning Esperanto. While not pedagogically perfect, you will get out of the game what you put into it and, with a bit of work, you should walk away with some basics of the language and a big smile from those animated lesbians.

Ratings: Story – 7 Characters – 8 Art – 9 Voice – 7 Music – 2 Education – 5 LGBTQ – 5 Lewdness – 2 Final – 7

Review copy provided by MangaGamer

You can purchase The Expression Amrilato from Steam, Mangagamer’s website, and other digital storefronts.

Mangagamer is offering free review copies to any and all educational institutes that endorse Esperanto learning.

#reviews #yuri #the expression amrilato #visual novel #mangagamer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#queer #gay #anime #manga #game #video games #lesbians #girls love #gl

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ruby-x3 · 6 years ago

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Is Suyin the child of Toph and Sokka?

Disclaimer

I tried to get as much "true" information as I could, but because I have not much time I couldn't write down all the sources. If you need the proof you can easily find it on the internet. Sorry for that!

This entry has more or less comments of my personal opinion. Therefore I want to highlight those parts in purple.

EDIT: It's confirmed, that Sokka and Suki lived in the suburbs together after ATLA. It was confirmed at ComicCon in an Q&A. Thanks to the cautious readers out there :) I hope you still enjoy the text!

OK so I have stumble upon this theory on what happened to Sokka between the end of the comic arcs (yet) and the beginning of LoK. Therefore I found a pretty interesting picture on Instagram from somebody, who tries to find evidences that Toph and Sokka have a child and it's Suyin Beifong.

As you can see the person compares to facial and body proportions as well as skin tone and similarities. Especially between Sokka and Suyins children you can see a good amount of similarities. I can also agree with the point that Suyin have facial similarities to Sokka. For example if Tophs and Sokkas gene mixed, the skin tone would fit and Suyins heart-shape face would make sense (Toph has a square/round face and Sokka a pointy/oval face shape). The only thing I can't agree is the shoulders? I mean they are just shoulders? You can't tell that they are pointy because Suyins shoulder pads are obviously pointy, but Sokkas are just normal shoulders?

Anyway the text also says that Suki died in a war (it's right according to Google but please feel free to correct me) so there could be room between Sokka and Tophs relationship.

So first of all I want to show parts of their relationship in ATLA and then slosh to the comics.

As we look in the past, there are some points where Toph and Sokka seems to have a bit of chemistry - at least they really care for each other.

At the beginning I want to take emphasis on their trust to each other. In the episode "The Runaway" in Book 3, Sokka and Toph both shared some deeper feelings and fears of themselves to each other. As friends, this is nothing new, but still a great moment of their bond.

Secondly on the war ship Sokka protects Toph and holds her. Again, this might be just a thing between friends. I see nothing romantical here, because she can't see the falling rocks and she also did the same thing for Sokka at "The Serpent's Pass" in Book 2.

Now going a bit deeper Toph is holding Sokkas arm as they went back to Ba Sing Se with Appa and Aang after he went to the Guru in the episode "The Guru". The same thing happened in the boat in episode "The Painted Lady", book 3. Usually Toph doesn't need a helping hand on Appas back as you can see in various episodes. This hug also doesn't seem very much on a friendship base but more "romantically". It's a pose you would usually do to a crush in my opinion.

Especially in the last picture after Sokka went to master Piandao she showed affection towards him because she missed him after only one day. She mentioned her missing of Sokka before in the Gaang part, which nobody else did. They also tent to trust each other, because they didn't fear to tell their fears and problems. She even complimented his drawings (more as a joke), but they sort of picking on each other a lot. Toph also seems to have some sort of interest in Sokka, because she thought he saved her in the water and wanted to thank him with a kiss.

To be honest this isn't very typical for Toph. Yeah, she has also shown some affection towards Zuko, when they tried to find Aang. But this was more like a kind act, because she wanted to know Zuko better and also have some adventure with him as everybody else. She also tried to kiss "Sokka" on "his" lips, because in the she goes towards them with her face. This is no "this just naturally happens", because animators take a long time to animate a few seconds. Therefore there was an intention in this gesture by the creators, leading Toph to show her soft spot, which she usually doesn't show. She rather appear very hard (like a rock) and is indeed very badass, but you should also consider her as a girl with an interest in boys. She also should have hit puberty around this time and the only guy in her reach would be Sokka. We should not forget that Sokka is kind of a "playboy" - at least he has the most relationships in the Avatar universe. Therefore I guess that she could have developed some feelings for him. Maybe not that far, but I think the interest was definitely there.

There are also some other scenes where their bond shows even further, but first I want to talk about the characters. I am mainly talking about characters who have something to do with the Tokka theory.

First I want to talk about Sokka

Well you all know Sokka as an womanizer. He had an relationship with Yue, a princess, he is/was together with Suki and even in the comics girls had interests in him. In LoK we literally know nothing about him. We only know that he was a member of the console in Republic City and that he died before we started with LoK. This is very strange, because people thought he would have been with Suki, but she wasn't mention in Lok at all. I want to talk about her later.

Did Sokka has an interest in Toph?

Well, I can clearly say no, at least in ATLA. We can see by the pictures and gifs above that Sokka had just friendship in mind. For the fact that around this time he was in a relationship with Suki, he never thought of Toph as a potential girlfriend. He was just protective around the last arc, Zosins comet, because they were friends. Nothing more, nothing less. But, as I said, I can still sensor some deeper trust between them, because Sokka told her she saw her mother in Katara, which is an information that he is not keen to speak about. This changed a bit in the comics. Their interaction were much more present than in the series. A part of it is because in the series the focus was much more in Aang. In the comics they clearly have more interactions because the focus on Aang serving the world went away. In the comics we saw a lot of Zukos life in the palace and how he rules. We also saw an arc, where Aang wants to spread the air nomads culture to volunteers and the issue of avatar Yangchen. Katara and Aang being busy being a couple and Sokka and Katara only come together at the Northern Water Tribe.

Sokka has, more or less, plenty of time to spend. Because Suki worked as a guardian for Zuko, Sokka didn't see Suki on a regular basis. Sokka helped Toph with her metal bending academy in "The Rift". Also in "North and South" Sokka spend time with Toph.

He even gave her all the soft toys he won. In my opinion this is a typical boyfriend-girlfriend moment. He could either safe the toys for Suki, but he doesn't. Also in other situations he wants to be with Toph instead of Aang and Katara. He also praises Toph a lot during the series, in the comics and even LoK you can see it (when Yakone was in court).

Now to Toph Beifong

As a blind, but a noble girl she was restricted by her parents to do any physical work or task due to her disability. She also hates authority and rules a lot due to her parental treatment. In the series, she was 12 year old, as old a Aang. In this time many hit puberty, so I guess she may be in puberty at this time and also starts being interested in the opposite gender. So therefore I asume she had a crush on Sokka for various points (examples) mentioned above.

In the comics she found a metal bending school. For the first time in "The Rift" we get to know a man called "Kanto". Toph seems interested in him as well.

If you read the comic you'll notice that she clearly wants to be in a relationship with him. I think he is the father of Lin, because he has the same hair colour and wavy structure, but also her father's name is "Kanto".

As we know in the end Toph was chief police officer of Republica. She has a second child, who is Suyin.

So indicating Sokka might be the father, what speaks for this theory?

After the end of the war we were sure Sokka and Suki will be together and in the comics and they still are. But according to Google Suki died in a war, so this leaves space between Sokka and Toph to develop a relationship. Furthermore Suki seems to have an interest in Zuko.

This actions are, sure, typical for friends, but the way of acting is hinting of an interest. I wouldn't deny it, it seems very suspicious. Also Zuko might be interested in Suki as well, since they see each other everyday and Mai broke up with him. He still have eyes for Mai, but it's not completely impossible that Suki and Zuko are attracted to each other since they both are very badass and attractive characters.

Due to this fact the relationship between Sokka and Suki might have crumbled, leading to a break up between them. We don't see something about Suki in LoK at all. She just vanished completely, which could indicate her early death. Since we know that Toph has interest in Sokka and he maybe has an slight interest as well, so they might end up. The next hints are in the appearances of Suyin and her children, who have heavy resemblances to Sokka.

I first thought that the resemblance is heavily of Bataars side, the father of them. But the similarities to Sokka are stronger!

Therefore, many of those "evidences" turn into the favor of their relationship.

But what speaks against ist?

So basically I would say that it's still a theory. Sure, there are times where many theories were right, but not all. We are speaking in a room of speculations and as you might know, not all things are clear. For example the mother of Izumi is not mentioned at all. There are things, which should(?) be a mystery or unimportant. Maybe for spicing up the series or just because the authors forgot and made it up later on (e.g. J. K. Rowling does every time).

Secondly I want to point out the strong friendship game everyone has in ATLA. We see a lot of strong friendships, which could hint an interest towards the person, but mostly they stay friends. One reason could be that the authors want to trick us, but I believe that the friendships are strong on purpose, because they want to show how much they connected through the war and their experiences. Having a bit of a chemistry does not mean anything relationship wise, that's nothing new for sure.

Third and lastly I want to stick out that shipping everyone with everyone not only does ruin the atmosphere and characters of the series, but also makes it kinda awkward? I mean I have nothing against ships, but not every gesture means love from both sights. That's nothing new in the avatar world and also in ours. We sure can make ships like we want, but if they happen to be real, wouldn't that make their whole situation somehow awkward? Like Suki and Zuko having "an affair" while Sokka doesn't know anything. Or Sokka making up with Toph because they don't have anyone left. This does not only bring some people in a bad light, but also let the characters seem desperate. I wouldn't like the idea that Sokka lost a love again or that Zuko and Suki cheating, which speaks against their natural characteristics and morality.

So what's the conclusion?

As mostly seen many aspects are based on personal preferences. There are hints of a relationship, but there must not be one. This vision is clearly on the readers mind whether they believe the signs or not. I wouldn't doubt the possibility of their relationship though. There are evidences and there is no clear story in between the comics and the start of LoK. I wouldn't mind if Tokka really happened, but I would not state it as the only truth. As a Tokka shipper, I would say yes to the theory, as a Sukka/other Sokka-ship shipper probably no. Feel free to have your own opinion based on this entry, because that's only what's left.

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sights-on-the-scifi · 5 years ago

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MASS EFFECT ANDROMEDA changes.

From scifi horror, intrigue, nostalgia, optimism and more. MASS EFFECT ANDROMEDA sorta of felt like it could be absolutely anything during the lead up to its release, this constant tonal and thematic switching was as a result of its hectic development as we all now know, and this also served as a front to confuse the audience about the games status which upon release would turn out to be... not exactly fully preferable.

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Regardless I want to go ahead and highlight all the unique aspects and changes seen between this material and what we got in the final release.

TONAL, ARTISTIC/AESTHETIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PRE RELEASE FOOTAGE AND FINAL BUILD.

Cross examining content seen in multiple trailers reveals a variety of changes related to colour correction, cinematic style, tone and character design. In the cinematic reveal trailer we see a much heavier focus on more realistic looking lighting and a darker more mature/ominous tone that was also expressed in ME3.

Here we are looking at material seen in the 1st cinematic reveal trailer and the E3 2016 reveal trailer respectively.

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CHANGE OF FACE, CHARACTERS REDESIGNED.

Changes to the appearance of character models can be seen clearly here, as Ryder's appearance in the final build is far removed from the look of the two real life models who were used as head reference for the twins. Seemingly in an effort to make the characters look less like individuals straight out of a fashion magazine they decided to alter facial proportions and complexion, which may of slightly backfired as the original models are far superior just based on a first impressions basis.

The Ryder twins were actually iterated on a bunch of times, changing outfits, facial structure and armour design constantly.

This also extends to the character of Peebee. This more so represents a slight character design change,but you can also see evidence of lighting changes.

AN ATMOSPHERE OF FEAR ON HABITAT 7.

Lighting on Habitat 7 was changed drastically, removing a lot of the atmospheric fire effects and dark lighting in cinematic scenes. I can only speculate that this change was made for purposes of lightening the overall tone to avoid calling back to feelings of dread typically associated with ME3′s controversial ending which this game tries to distance itself from.

GENERAL CINEMATIC AND VISUAL/TONAL CHANGES.

The introduction and mid points in the game were the subject of many sweeping stylistic changes.

Ark Hyperion interior introduction cinematic.

Habitat 7 shuttle explosion freefall, vault effects and composition changes.

FINAL.

Character design, composition elements and framing changes on the Tempest bridge.

FINAL.

Changes to Eos.

Eos’s was DRASTICALLY changed. Many of the breathtaking weather and storm effects were completely removed and the lighting was completely changed leading to a less impactful composition overall. In addition this scene is no longer rendered in real time in the game engine, instead being pre rendered.

FINAL.

More examples of dynamic weather systems and sand storm effects missing from final game.

Evacuating Salarian survivors from their ark originally may of been a planetside mission. This appears to have changed in the final release a bit both in terms of visuals and story/location context.

FINAL.

Finally an important video to link here provided by @chapomon is this examination of leaked footage vs the final game... Which shows reduced character model and animation quality.

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#Mass Effect #mass effect andromeda #Changes

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drbriangay · 6 years ago

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Hey, so a little bit ago someone asked me if i would do a tutorial type thing on how to achieve realistic drawings and although this would probably fair better as a video my voice is shit and i can make sure i get everything down if i type it out.

I think the best way to do this is take you through one of my drawings? My latest Brian drawing i saved a decent amount throughout it so i can kind of comment on each process of the drawing. For the this drawing i drew it on Photoshop CS5 which is important bc i do utilise a lot of the tools there so if you use smth different then im sorry but im sure there are alternatives! I’m going to talk you through this drawing:

Because i dont use natural skin colours in my drawings i start drawings in black and white because i find that easier to control the tones? and then i can colour the drawing afterwards in whatever colour and play about with it instead of sticking with a colour from the get go.

I start with painting the entire background a light ish grey because 1) its nice to work highlights and shade into a mid tone and 2) having pure white as a background can be a bit uninspiring? even with my sketchbooks i always make backgrounds before i do anything on them.

I then take a large brush, i use a mid-dark toned grey for this, i don’t like going in super dark super fast, and kind of mark out where everything goes super loosely, precision and proportions really don’t matter at this point, it will probably look bad but that’s fine! you’ll refine it as you go on! the brush i use for this stage is usually just a soft non textured brush, but i don’t think the brush you use at this point really matters. My drawing will kind of look like this at this point:

I then go in with a smaller brush with a darker colour and kind of refine the face a little bit, i really take in the shapes of the face i’m drawing and try and get a good base to then really work on the shading/highlighting. Again, although this is your base to work on the proportions aren’t super important, it may still look bad but whatever is wrong with it you can just draw right over it to correct it! This is why i try and not give up on drawings even if they aren’t going the way i’d like it to because you can always correct it! my drawings never look amazing when i start them but i like to work into them as much as i can and i usually end up with something i’m proud of! anyways lmao, this is what my drawing will look like at this point:

This is when i start the proper like working into the drawing with highlighting and shading and things. I also change my brush at this point! Honestly any brush will do but i really like the aesthetic of having a super textured brush, I do sometimes change up my brush every so often but the brush ive been using more often than not is this brush:

Also at this point i try and not use pure black or pure white, if you’re trying to go for a realistic look then i feel pure white n black really don’t factor into a face.I also think if you use more mid tone colours then there’s more of a natural gradient? which looks more realistic i feel. Of course if you like the aesthetic of having a high contrast then go for it! this is just how i personally like to do it.

I know a lot of people work by gradually working the whole face, like do loose highlights and dark tones on the whole face and then refining it but i like to do each part of the face one by one and i usually always start with the nose, this isn’t important lmao i just enjoy drawing noses so it’s what i start with. i think the use of highlight is super important to utilise when drawing the nose because its what suggests form,, this is my drawing will look like at this point:

I do end up darkening the shadow on the right side of his nose and the bottom of his nose but i usually get to this point and then move on and then once i do more ill go back and try and bring more dimension to the drawing.

Also! one of the best tools on photoshop that you can utilise and in some of my drawings it’s my saving grace is the liquify tool. Basically if you do the drawing and get to a point it would be hard to paint over then u can use liquify, as i was doing other parts of the face i realised that the nose was supposed to be a little to the left and the eyebrows had to be lower down so you if you open up liquify you can just click and drag the nose to where you want it to be so:

it’s a super helpful tool that really helps you get the facial features exactly where you need it, i used it a couple times throughout this drawing. I don’t think sai has it but you can use the lasso tool and rotate it or whatever and just draw over the little break it makes in the canvas:

so the next thing i do is the eyes and eyebrows. I’m usually not the greatest at getting the exact eye shape but again, liquify is your best friend. An important thing to note is the angle of the eyebrows in relation to the middle of the nose, Brian’s eyebrows are quite straight so i tried to keep them that way. I also started darkening up the drawing, i didn’t quite go full black, the darkest colour i used is like just off black. This is what i have so far:

Also another important thing to remember is the lighting of the image, in the image the right side of his face is more shadowed so the shadow on the left side of his nose wont be as intense as the right side and things like the bags under his eye on the right side would be slightly more prominent. Also because of the brow bone, theres more highlight on top of the brows and usually a shadow underneath because the brows are more elevated and the eyes are sunken in a lil bit. There will be a lil bit of highlight on the inner corner of the eyes though.

In the next part of the drawing i just add a little bit to the forehead and cheeks :

I think by this time i had adjusted a couple of things like the angle his face was at was a little bit too tiled in my original draw so i just free transformed it and fixed the angle and the face i think was a little bit too wide so i just pulled it in a little bit. I think another thing to remember that places like the cheeks and forehead wont be pure highlight, especially with like men and older faces there will be more subtleties, with Brian he has highlight on the top of his cheekbones but the highlight is kind of broken up with the line that comes down under his eye and the forehead isnt a smooth bump above the eyebrows, especially with the lighting of the image the highlights get broken up a little bit.

The next drawing is a little fast forward, i forgot to save in between but ill try and talk through everything:

When finishing up I realised the left eye/eyebrow was a little too high so i liquified that baby up to bring it down just a little bit. Another thing i sometimes struggle with is getting the exact shape of the face and angle of the jaw but you can just keep on drawing on top of it until it looks vaguely right.

For the lips and mouth i think its kind of just a matter of trying to get a sense of the shape, look at the cupids bow and the length between the top lip and the bottom of the nose and how far the lips come out in relation to the nose as well, i think as well the shadow underneath the bottom lip is usually all you need to suggest the shape of the lip, it doesnt look all too natural if theres like a solid like to show the shape of the lip, the top lip though, because of the way the light is sitting on his face is almost completely shadowed, so the highlight on the cupids bow that goes down to the edge of the mouth is what helps give the mouth form. With teeth because they’re in his mouth so they’re not going to be super bright so i didnt add any highlight to them and just used a dark tone to outline the shape of them at the bottom and used a little bit of shading in between them to differentiate between them.

For the eyes i usually just leave them without the pupils because it’s my brand but it wasnt looking quite right to me so i added a little outline of the pupils, i didnt want to do the full pupil because i like adding a lil smth interesting in the eyes but i like the way they turned out!

The jaw you can usually bring out with the shadow of the neck. I didnt really feel like drawing the outfit so i kind of just did a couple of lines so show that he was wearing a shirt with a collar.

Also for brian because he has so much hair i more often than not just use flat colour for his hair and because his hair is so dark it usually works fine but with people like Roger who has lighter hair is doesnt usually work out well? especially with a more realistically drawn face. I was originally going to keep the entire background that colour but it wasnt looking quite how i wanted to. I coloured first though, and tbh my colouring process really doesnt take me that long, the longest part is just working out what colours id like to use and what looks good with the drawing I've made.

So for colouring i use the gradient tool, you have have a gradient thats two colours that will make your drawings look like this

but recently ive started using the gradients with three colours so the highlighted sections will be a different colour to the base colour, i really like the way this comes out, without any other editing itll look smth like this:

I like to play about with the settings a little bit because i do enjoy the way this looks but it’s kind of a bit overpowering and i think sometimes the details of the drawing can get lost when you overdo it a bit?

If you go through this itll give you many different versions of that gradient and i like to go through it and see which i feel compliments the drawing

heres a couple examples

The one i ended up going for was dissolve but it was a bit too intense so i turned the opacity down to 57%

which gave it a kind of static feel which i was in to, to finish it up i added a tiny bit to show some shoulders and then i wanted to add a tiny bit of a background so i used a flat pinky colour and put that around his hair and then on top of the background i added a little bit more into the hair.

and added so more vibrant pink into it as well just to spice her up a little bit.

#i hope this helps anyone!#its super long and im not even sure its like coherent #mine #long post

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efortmanteau · 6 years ago

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TMA Headcanons

I sort of spoiled myself in terms of headcanons for The Adventure Zone, so now I try to finish/get caught up on podcasts and form impressions entirely in my head before introducing visual ideas via fanart. And lately I've been focusing on The Magnus Archives SOOOO here we go:

My headcanons for The Magnus Archives. A few were originally written after listening through s2. I've added my s3 thoughts below characters or in a new section. I'm only 3 episodes in to s4 so no spoilers after the end of s3.

Jon (I only recently discovered that there's no H in his spelling, whoops) aka The Archivist - Obviously Jon doesn't really have fun ever, so the main word I think of is 'austere.' He's a pale white guy with dark hair and greyish or brownish eyes who basically always dresses formally--collared shirts, slacks, maybe even vests, usually neutral colors. He's thin, but not fit--just the type of guy who doesn't put on weight since he doesn't focus much on food. Rectangular face, maybe has facial hair… I haven't decided, but if he does, it's like a goatee/mustache scenario that's always well trimmed. In my mind, he's young to mid 30s, but could look older. When he's scared or disshevelled though, he looks a lot younger. I think he's also kind of short, maybe 5'8", so he keeps really good posture to make up for it. Ben Whishaw is almost right, but he'd have to be homelier. S3 updates: Not really any? Although apparently it's Jon without an H. I've confirmed that he looks older than he is since the spider picturebook episode (which I would love Don Hertzfeld to animate, perhaps with assistance from Jules Feiffer who is 90 gd years old… that episode is so vivid in my head). Also I forgot Jon has worm… scars? Pock-marks? Not sure how that works, but you probably don't see them much, given I can't imagine him in short sleeves or shorts, although maybe he has a few on his neck visible pretty frequently, above collars. I'm was pleased to learn he is canonically asexual, but not all that surprised. Something about the way he interacted with Georgie in her apartment had me wondering… maybe it reminds me of me and my ex (I'm the asexual one, my ex isn't, but we still get along).

Martin - I immediately imagined Marty (Terry Gross Waters-Waters SAT tutor in Gayle) when I learned more about soft, sweet lad Martin, so Matty Cardarople has always kind of been in my head. That is probably just a similar name situation, but it's kind of perfect. Since Martin said he wasn't the smallest of guys but still made it into a basement window, I imagine he's kind of tall and chubby, but doesn't seem tall, slouchy, not the most confident person. Sort of a Neville Longbottom situation (before the glow-up). I think somewhere between Matty and Nick Robinson is around the correct appearance: a little more clean shaven and formally dressed than Matty often is with shorter hair (but still flippy), but softer than Nick is. This guy wears sweaters a lot. I guess he's canonically 29 at the end of s1--I had imagined him in his mid 20s somewhere, but I guess he was pretending to be older since he claimed he had a master's degree. S3 updates: Martin is probably the one who was most easy for me to imagine. I never really thought of his fixation on Jon to be a crush, which I'm really intrigued by in terms of character development. I was parsing it more of Martin being a bit of a subservient character, that he was like that to everyone in the office, but we only saw it from Jon's POV as the primary narrator. If I do a re-listen, I'll be very interested to pick out some Martin/Jon moments now that I have a different context.

Sasha (or maybe Sascha) - I sort of had Sally Donovan from BBC's Sherlock in mind initially. I tried to stray away from that and looked up "half black actress." I picked out Zawe Ashton without even realizing that she had in fact played Sally (in one episode, so not her main actress) because of her hair and skin and the fact that her face is pleasant, but not the typical hyper-button baby doll face that some actresses have. Sasha has natural hair with light curls (sometimes straightened). I originally pictured a small afro, but I think in s2, they refer to her as having long hair, so I guess not? I'm also not clear if that was Not-Sasha imitating her, or just straight up not looking like real-Sasha at all. She's slim, pretty posh/minimalist in style--grey herringbone peacoat, umbrella, boots. I imagine she's half Russian heritage-wise, since is a common Russian diminutive for Aleksandra. I would put her in the 25-27 age range. S3 updates: I caught on to Not-Sasha (partially because I saw the name in the voice actor credits, whoops), but I think I also caught something in Lottie's flat affect that clued me in. I thought that the imposter was just good at disguise, not that people had been cursed to forget what real Sasha looked like, so Melanie's introduction and take on Sasha/Not-Sasha threw me off a bit. I don't remember if the "long hair" comment was for real- or Not-Sasha. But I don't have any headcanons about Not-Sasha… just that she looks nothing like the original.

Tim - In my head Tim is the tallest main character, maybe 6'2", and pretty fit. He's imposing at first glance, but since he's so congenial and laid back (at least in s1 before Jon totally pisses him off) everyone who knows him knows he's a nice, fun guy. He's black, with fairly dark complexion, short hair, clean shaven. He probably wears sweaters too, but like… the thinner kind. None of this bulky knit from grandma that Martin rocks. I first think of Alan from Russian Doll (Charlie Barnett), but darker, just black instead of more mixed. I'd say he's around Jon's age. S3 updates: RIP in pepperinos. I guess him being fit is not unreasonable since he is… canonically? (does Alex and Jonny joking about it make it canonical) an outdoorsy adventurer. I certainly missed his friendly nature, but my headcanons didn't really change. He just looked a lot more tired up until the end of s3.

Elias - He is older than the rest of them, I would guess in his 40s or 50s, but given that it's canon that he rose in the ranks kind of quickly, maybe he's not that old after all. I don't really have a good mental picture of him, maybe because I can't differentiate his voice from John's a lot of the time until I piece the context together. In my mind he has a beard and mustache though, kind of full, and maybe dirty blonde hair that's greying a bit. S3 updates: I wouldn't be surprised if he carried a cane that was actually a sword or a gun (I'm American, so having a gun seems very easy to me, so I'm not sure if that would be rare in England). Also, did I hear something about having a grey bun? Maybe I'm completely confusing it with something else, but I'm chuckling about man bun Elias.

Michael - Well, he isn't human… but he looks kind of like a really pale guy who is mishapen and thus wearing a lot of clothing at first glance? He probably wears a lot of clothes so you can't really make him out under the trench coat, scarf, hat, etc. (I might be confusing him with someone else). I think it's canon that his hands are large and maybe have too many bones. For some reason, Michael reminds me of tourmalinated quartz--black and white for the most part, striations cutting through the clearer crystal--sort of like a metaphor for how he kind of… dimension hops? Ends up where he isn't supposed to? I imagine striations of his appearance sort of blip in and out when you look at him based on the static he causes on recordings. S3 updates: I now know that he was an assistant to Gertrude. I guess my idea of his human form is basically the same color and demeanor, just not other-worldly in proportions and bone count. Probably the tall gangly type of white guy. ALSO I guess he's kind of Helen now…? I'll do a separate one for Helen.

---BREAK to add characters I didn't write about until the end of s3---

Basira - I assume she is a Muslim woman, based on her name. I imagine she wears a hijab. I picture her as Middle-Eastern, perhaps Iranian, but she could also be black (there are a fair amount of black Muslims in America, not sure if it's common in England). Other than the hijab, she's not very feminine in her styling. Being on the force probably means you want pretty functional, utilitarian garments. I don't remember if she talked in great detail about how she joined the police, whether it was straight from school, but in my mind she's late 30s.

Daisy - I think I recall she has a back tattoo? She's a murderer so she has a tough air about her, but she's also a subtle murderer, so nothing about her screams that she's dangerous… you just get that feeling, you know? I imagine a white lady, short blonde hair, blue eyes. Kind of like Brienne of Tarth, but more plain than ugly. She's maybe early to mid 40s. I'm not sure if her relationship with Basira is supposed to be romantic or not. I kind of prefer this weird closeness that doesn't always equate to trust given their specific experiences. Regardless, I imagine they are around the same age.

Melanie - Melanie is probably the youngest, early to mid 20s. Typical build and height, maybe a little chubby, but not unable to climb fences or anything (gotta hunt them ghosts). She has a short, asymmetrical bob, dark hair, but part is dyed a bright color of pink, purple, maybe green. I imagine she has a go-to windbreaker that has some neon colors.

Helen - I'm so sad that we had to lose Michael to gain Helen. I really love the Spiral and the characters we've met who are involved with them. Helen in my mind was a badass realtor, ready to close a deal, very driven… and that carried over into becoming SpiralHelen. She sort of outsmarted it with the locked door, didn't she? I can't imagine that's very common for humans/avatars to get the better of their entities. She seems really strong willed, so I'm excited to see where she goes as a human who is becoming an avatar. I think her personality translates into her being 40-something but like lowkey hot? She probably rocks a suit with a skirt in bold colors that men's wear usually doesn't offer (all over red suit, tailored to her, pumps, straight brown hair, nice makeup). I'm not sure how the Spiral would affect her… maybe her angles just get a little more pronounced? She's probably not yet to the point of disfiguration that Michael was anyway.

Georgie - She is like a terrier who will bark at a big dog because they don't know to be afraid of it (or… how to be afraid of it, in her case). She is short, 5'2" or less (I just remembered that a lot of the listeners probably use metric measurements, so sorry for that, but I'm not going to bother converting). I imagine she is cute--she dresses up for her dates to Hungarian restaurants (my favorite detail omg girl get it) and wants to look hot, but really she can't get away from cute. Brown curly hair, big brown eyes, button nose. But resting bitch face… gotta ward off those catcalls and get taken seriously somehow.

Jergen? I can’t spell, it’s Jurgen - Jowly white guy. Wispy caramelly colored hair that's going white. Probably pretty tall, which I'm sure what an annoyance in those tunnels.

Gertrude - At first glance, just some old white lady. But after you get to know her, you realize she can probably murder you and is nowhere near as frail as you think. Curly, wiry grey hair.

#tma #the magnus archives

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gruvia-raid · 6 years ago

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The Strength in Frailty

Chapter 1: Unbreakable

AN: I wrote this story in 2014 but never got around to publishing it. But I just found it again so I thought why mot? This story is set in an AU and doesn't really follow the events in the manga as it was written so long ago and I haven't changed anything in it. I am not a doctor so bare with me LOL.

TW: Cancer and mentions of death

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Fairy Tail nor do I own it's characters. They belong to Hiro Mashima & Co. This story uses coarse language.

Also there is an ableist statement made by the character Bora. This statement in no way reflects the views and/or beliefs of the author. Bora is just a complete a$$ however. if this statement does offend anyone I will change it ASAP.

"I really think you should take a break."

"But Lucy-san, Juvia feels completely fine." Juvia Lockser a beautiful, blue-eyed, pale-skinned preschool teacher whined as her best friend and co-worker Lucy Heartfillia chastised her about taking a break from all the household chores she had tasked herself with.

"But your lungs might-" Lucy persisted before being cut off.

"Juvia is fine Lucy-san, she can handle a few chores. Besides Juvia believes she is getting better, her doctor told her she is making good progress." Juvia smiled. Yes the doctor did indeed say that she was making good progress, but he also said she shouldn't overwork herself as she could possibly collapse once more.

"But, still…" Lucy trailed off as she looked towards her friend worriedly. "You don't have to prepare lunch I can do it or….or we can go out for lunch."

"No, no, no Juvia will cook. Lucy-san is the guest here not Juvia and Lucy-san knows that Juvia doesn't like going out in public, if it's not work related nowadays." Juvia called as she entered the kitchen. Jeez that Lucy always getting nervous over the most trivial things, it's not like she going to run a marathon. Cooking and clean were her area of expertise, no way would she fall ill from something like this.

"Lucy-san forgot to tell Juvia how her date with Natsu-san went." She said as she knew as soon as the topic changed to herself, Lucy would forget all about the previous conversation.

"Ah, oh yes. It started off in a really….unNatsu like way. He was being all gentlemanly, then when it came to the actual eating proportion he was back to his old sel-"

CRASH

"JUVIA!" Lucy cried as she practical sprinted into the kitchen. In there was a sight she had seen many a times, but would never get used too.

There, was Juvia on the floor heaving like there was no tomorrow. And no, it wasn't because she had seen her really hot doctor.

The last thing Juvia heard before she delved into a world of darkness, were the muffled sounds of an ambulance.

St. Vermillion Hospital was bustling as always with people today, as he arrived. It always gave off the smell of sterilizer and almost dead people to the young male doctor.

Gray Fullbuster a young and don't forget handsome, oncologist walked into his workplace with the same facial expression as always. A scowl. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy his line of work, no, in fact he loved it. But hospitals always had a dreary atmosphere. 'Cause either someone had died, was going to die or they felt like they were dying. He rolled his eyes.

What kind of stupid expression was that anyway? Who the hell knew what dying felt like, even if you experienced near death it isn't death. Hence no one knows what it felt like. Correction no one alive knew what it felt like.

"Gray!" The beautiful head nurse Mirajane Strauss called as she beckoned said man over. "Good, you're finally here. Natsu wanted to see you."

"What does the flame idiot want now?" The man inquired as he strolled to the front desk.

"I think it has something to do with one of your patients being admitted." Mira assumed as she scrolled through the day's admittance list.

Gray frowned. "One of my patients were readmitted?" He questioned.

"Yes, um… Miss Juvia Lockser. She came in around 12:50pm, while you were out for lunch."

Gray tsked. Of course she'd be admitted while he was out for lunch. That women never failed with her surprise visits. And why was it Natsu of all people who had to treat her? Now he had to go talk to the flame bastard.

"Alright Thanks, Mira."

"That's what I'm here for. Later Gray" she smiled as she waved him off.

"Oi, Flame Brain" Gray knocked on Natsu Dragneel's a fellow oncologists who specialized more in radioactive oncology, door. He was also Gray's best friend/rival/asshole. Ew not Gray's asshole you pervs, he was just an asshole in general.

The door suddenly flew open, revealing the pink-haired 'idiot'. "What do you want Ice Princess? I'm busy." Natsu Roared. What the hell did this bastard want? Didn't he tell him that no disturbance shall come when he was in 'eating mode'?

Gray rolled his eyes as he peered over Natsu shoulder to expose a desk piled high with cafeteria food and a flustered Lucy Heartfillia sitting on the sofa.

"Ugh, Hi Gray." she nervously uttered. It was sort of awkward. One minute she was crying over Juvia then the next she was whisked into Natsu office to have a very intense make out session. Now Gray interrupts and had seen her in her disheveled stated, with her messy hair, smudged lipstick and a rolled up shirt.

"Hey Lucy." He spoke before turning to Natsu "Busy with what? Trying to woo her with how much food you can fit in your pie hole? 'Cause let me tell yah, that's very unattractive."

"Shut the fuck up Stripperella. I said WHAT. DO. YOU. FUCKING. WANT?"

"Why don't you quiet the fuck down we are in a fucking hospital. For fuck's sake. And you're the one who called me. Something about my patient?"

At that Natsu calmed down, what he wanted to say was a bit upsetting for the women in his office. "Can we talk in your office?" Gray nodded. "I'll be right back Luce, just gunna talk to Gray for a sec, kay?"

"Um, al-alright." Lucy spoke, still a little baffled at the way the doctors in this hospital used the word 'fuck' so loosely.

Shutting the door behind him, Natsu walked two doors down towards Gray's office. It was a bit disorganized with files and clothes littered all over the place, and Natsu thought that his office was bad. Gray's office, much to Natsu chagrin, was nicer than his own, but only because Gray had worked there longer. The walls were burgundy, the mahogany future matching it with a glossy finish. There was a large ceiling to floor window on one wall, which had an abundance of light filtering through, in front of it was a grand desk and chair. On another wall, two long sofas were organized around a glass coffee table which faced a large flat screen t.v. The adjoined wall featured all of Gray's degrees and plaques in both university and medical school. The entire room had a pine tree meets ice berg scent to tie it all together. To conclude Gray's office would be amazingly professional if it weren't for his underwear all over the place.

"Okay, so about your patient Juvia Lockser. She….she isn't doing so well."

A shallow hospital light came into view as Juvia's eyes fluttered open. It took her mind a second to register that she was no longer in her home chatting with Lucy, as she noticed the multiple IVs, electrodes and an oxygen mask coving her nose and mouth.

"Afternoon sleepy head." A husky voice she knew all too well said as he walked through the door.

Removing the mask, "Hello Dr. Fullbuster, what is Juvia doing here?" she queried with a groggy voice.

"Well," Gray started. "It seems you collapsed once again Juvia"

"Oh"

"And I suspect that it was from overworking yourself."

"But Juvia wasn't-"

"Did you attend work today?"

"Yes but-"

"And did you do any sort of unnecessary housework?"

"Juvia only cooked and cleaned but-"

"Juvia," Gray sighed. "How many times must I tell you not to overwork yourself?" he lectured.

"But Juvia's house was filthy a-and she had a guest over so…" she trailed off knowing her excuse was inadequate as the doctor gave her a challenging look.

"I understand that you are a germaphobe however, there are such things as maid services and I'm pretty sure Lucy could have cooked instead, you also could've either ordered something or went out. There were so many options, so why must you always burden yourself?" He nagged as he began to do a routine checkup.

Gray didn't mean to lecture Juvia. He meant well, as her doctor and friend he had her best interests at heart. But the damn woman didn't or maybe couldn't comprehend the fact that she was in no condition to do all these exhausting tasks. If anything, it was her own fault that she was getting worse rather than better. This still troubled Gray however, he quite liked Juvia and if she kept this up he wouldn't be able to help her.

You see, Juvia had a severe condition of Lung cancer. She was admitted as Gray's patient a bit over a year ago when she first collapsed from lack of oxygen, and has been in and out of the hospital ever since. At first Gray was indifferent towards her but a few months later he began to open up to her, as he would a friend. In all honesty it was pretty hard being professional anyway, this girl was always smiling and cheerful anyone would feel at ease with her. It was almost impossible not to laugh when she laughed, and Gray barely laughed, only smiled and chuckled. But her entire being was just so...preciou-infectious, yes infectious.

Gray's thoughts were soon interrupted by a muffled cough. "So, Dr. Fullbuster how is Juvia?"

Gray tried to keep an impassive face but Juvia could see pity and sorrow within his navy blue orbs.

"Well" He ran a hand through his chaotic raven hair. "Not that great Juvia. Your tumor seems to have become malignant meaning it has broken off into your bloodstream. At this point it could be possible that another organ is also infected." He answered as he looked over Juvia.

"Oh, Okay." Was all she could muster.

"However, we will still continue with your chemo treatment and medication as per usual. But I would like to keep you for a bit longer so that I may run a few tests." He explained, waiting for any type reaction from Juvia. But all she did was smile and nod. How the actual fuck can the woman just smile and fricking nod when someone just told her that her condition was way worse than it was two months ago.

"Juvia understands doctor, she appreciates Dr. Fullbuster's hard work" And there she goes again, freaking smiling. Was there petroleum jelly on her teeth or something? Is that's why she can't stop showing those pearly whites or…? He didn't think anyone could smile after being told that they were basically dying. Even if her cheerfulness was infectious, he couldn't help but be irritated at her reaction or lack thereof.

"Well Juvia, I will be back to start the test after I finish my rounds. Please try and gets some rest until I come back." And with that he left. All she had now was an empty room and her thoughts.

The room she was given was a bit smaller than her last one. Granted the previous one was a double, whereas this was a single. The walls were all a pristine white, to the point where staring too long would burn and the floor was covered with a wall to wall grey carpet. To her left was a large window, with a view of what she assumed was a garden, and two comfy looking chairs around a short coffee table. And the wall south of her bed had a small flat screen t.v. It would seem that she was moving up within the hospital scene 'cause her room was pretty deluxe.

The room was eerily silent though as the t.v. was turned off and she was alone. It was boring, so to speak, literally nothing was happening. She wanted to get up and jog, do some yoga, some chores, shopping, anything rather than lie there in bed. But, her stupid lungs just had to be weak.

It was just her luck that the only thing she inherited from her father's side of family was cancer. Out of all things she had to be sick with, it had to be cancer. As if her life wasn't screwed up enough. Bora her boyfriend or rather ex-boyfriend broke up with her since he didn't "want to be tied down by some handicap because that was depressing" Seriously who in fucks sake says that to someone, he was such a douche. Then she almost lost her job because she was "missing too many days of work". That wasn't her fucking fault it was her father's, excuse her language. Last but certainly not least a year ago she lost her mother to a plane crash and now she, herself was dying. Her life was just one big joke huh? It was like the universe just hated her all of a sudden. Nevertheless, she always put on a brave face for everyone, she didn't want to go back to the days when everyone called her gloomy and depressing.

On second thought, she was glad she was alone, she could finally stop withholding those tears.

AN: Thanks for reading the first chapter guys I really appreciate it. Sorry if there were any spelling or grammar mistakes, as I said this was written awhile ago and I only skimmed it. I really suck at proof reading my own work so hopefully it was ok. But anyways, I plan to make this story 4-5 chapters long maybe 6 but no longer than that. Chapter 2 is ready and chapter 3 is 85% done. I don't know if you guys could tell but this my first story so I really hope you guys liked it. Well, Tata for now, see you next chapter (hopefully)!

#fairy tail #Juvia Lockser #juvia loxar #gray fullbuster #Gray X Juvia #fairy tail juvia #fairy tail gray #gruvia #gruvia au #fairy tail fanfic #nalu #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #Ezra Scarlet #theraiderwrites

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kpopsinning · 7 years ago

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Prodigy - Teacher AU

“Could you just close the door and come over here? You have no reason to rush out, I didn’t post your grade. I want to discuss it in person.”

You swallowed hard at his words but did as you were told, closing the classroom door and going over to his desk. He was looking through the stack of students’ sketchbooks on his desk, presumably for your own. He pulled one of of the stack and laid it in the middle of his desk, and you froze.

You could feel all color draining from your face once you noticed which sketchbook he had pulled out of the pile. There was a Hello Kitty sticker stuck to the top right corner of it, indicating it was your sketchbook.

Your personal sketchbook.

word count: 10.1k

genre: fluff & smut (a lot of soft/domestic stuff, concludes w smut)

Prodigy. You hated the word.

Taking a Drawing II Honors course was a big leap for you coming from only taking an Intro To Drawing course the year previous, but your instructor constantly called you his ‘prodigy’ and insisted you take the chance. He’d always go around showing off your work to the other art teachers in the school and they all agreed with him that your work was beyond exceptional and you needed more of a challenge.

‘Are you sure this is her first drawing course?' 'Those lines are so clean!' 'Not even my advanced students sketch that neatly!’ ‘She’s a prodigy!’

Prodigy.

Wasn’t that word usually used for younger children than you? You couldn’t wrap your head around why they all threw the word around so casually.

When class registrations began for the following semester your instructor immediately put in a recommendation for you, and along with a few samples from your portfolio you made it into the advanced class.

You clutched your sketchbook closer to your chest as you entered the large main hall of the art exhibit your class was visiting. You felt so intimidated. It was only your fourth week of classes and you already felt like everyone around you had superior skills, your fellow classmates all huddling up in groups with their sketchpads and whispering over the assignment possibilities. The local art museum had just opened up an exhibit showcasing classic Greek and Roman sculptures, and everyone was already captivated by the large stone figures resting on the white marble floors surrounding them. You felt like an outsider, keeping your eyes low and toeing at the ground.

“Alright class, listen up. It’s assignment time.” You professor bellowed, stepping up onto a bench in the corner of the room. Voices began hushing one another as everyone scuttled toward the corner, eager to hear what would decide the first major grade of the semester. Professor Jeon beamed at the sight of so many keen students ready to get to work, and you couldn’t help but melt a little at his smile. His eyes always scrunched up in the cutest way when he gave a real, genuine smile, and he had slightly buck teeth that noticeably poked out, giving him an even more adorable, bunny-like appearance. One of his most prominent features however, that stood out from the rest of his youthful look, was his jawline. His jawline was truly that of a man’s and there was no denying that. It was sharp and angular, as if it had been cut from one of the pieces of marble the other sculptures in the room had been carved from. Aside from that he had the most innocent baby face you’d ever seen, making him seem so young sometimes you wondered how he was old enough to be a professor. If anyone were a prodigy here, it would have to be him. You assumed he went straight into teaching the moment he graduated, a rarity when it came to art instruction. An art professor his age was virtually unheard of, but he proved with his lessons each and every day that he had the skill set and no one could doubt it.

“So,” his deep voice shook you from your thoughts, clapping his hands together and rubbing his palms. “As you all know by now, this course has been designed to focus on compositional relationships as well as the human figure.” A few students nodded along with his words, but you were more entertained by the movement of his lips than anything.

“Just by taking one look at the pieces surrounding you, you can see how much emphasis both Greek and Roman cultures placed on the human form. My goal here is to get all of you to acquire the same eye for detail those sculptors had, and for you to take to your work as they would have approached their blank marble canvases. I would like you each to pick one statue to focus on, and then sketch it on full pages from three unique angles. I’m going to be looking for correct anatomical structures and proportions while I grade, so keep things consistent through each of the three.” As he explained the assignment several students jotted down notes in their sketchbooks, and you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth.

The only body in this room you wanted to focus on was Professor Jeon’s.

Compared to his almost childlike facial features, his body was a stark contrast. It was clear he worked out; his shoulders were broad and his back muscles were so defined sometimes you could see them flex under his thin dress shirts. Once in awhile he’d wear tight short sleeved polos that clung to his biceps, and today was one of those days. With every movement of his arms as he spoke the muscles rippled and you were completely fascinated, wishing you could base your anatomical assignment on his features and his features only.

And his legs, you didn’t even want to begin to think about his legs. No matter what type of pants he wore, whether khakis, dress pants, or even sometimes jeans on casual Fridays, his thick thigh muscles always looked like they were straining to burst through the material. You found yourself fantasizing about what his bare legs must look like more often than you’d like to admit. It felt like a tease every time you glanced at his thighs, just knowing his well pronounced muscles were just a few layers of fabric away from your hungry eyes.

Professor Jeon clapped his hands again, and you felt your cheeks go pink as you were snapped from your thoughts.

“Make sure to put the sculpture’s title and the date at the top of each page. The museum has given you all permission to snap a few pictures in case you don’t have time to finish before the bus takes us home. I expect all three sketches to be completed before class Wednesday. Now get to work,” he grinned, hopping down from the bench once he concluded his little speech.

Your fellow classmates all immediately began scurrying around the room, each on the hunt for their own statue to claim and begin drawing. You were in no such rush, studying your classmates and the tizzy they were all in more than the sculptures around you. You wandered with slow, heavy footsteps, eyes flicking over a sculpture once in awhile just to give the illusion you cared about which one you picked.

A few minutes later you found yourself in the very corner of the exhibit, standing before a sculpture no one else seemed to be giving a second glance.

Contrary to most of the lighter toned marble statues in the vicinity, this one was a dark gray stone, looking older and like it was even beginning to crumble in some portions. The carved figure was hunched over, almost as if it was cowering in the corner out of fear. The chiseled jawline, flattened chest, and smaller nipples indicated to you the figure was male. One hand was splayed over his face, covering whatever forlorn expression you could only assume he was hiding. His muscles were well defined but he also looked tense, and the way his entire body caved into himself made his whole being appear defeated. As you continued to examine the details of the work, your eyes were drawn to the rough sores gouged into his back: two of them evenly spaced lateral to his spine, level with his shoulder blades. That’s when you noticed the pair of wings being clutched into the figure’s chest, one arm wrapping around them with such force it looked like his protruding stone veins were about to burst open. Your eyes drifted down to the small gold plate at the base of the statue.

‘Fallen’.

“Breathtaking, isn’t it?”

You almost dropped your sketchpad at the sudden voice, not even hearing Professor Jeon come up beside you. You quickly tried to calm yourself down and play off like you weren’t flustered by his presence.

“Y-yes um,” you cleared your throat, nodding a few times. “It’s really stunning. Different than everything else here.” Professor Jeon smiled, but his eyes never left the carved piece of stone before you two.

“It’s by one of my favorite sculptors. His story is, his wings were ripped from his body and he was cast down from the heavens for trying to help an unworthy human. Stuck in our earthly realm he was never able to blend in, a creature so beautiful he couldn’t find his place in the mortal world…” he trailed off, becoming lost in the beauty of the work he was admiring. You felt your cheeks heat up at the thought that popped into your head, dangerously close to letting it slip from between your lips.

‘You must know how it feels, Professor.’

Professor Jeon turned to face you and you quickly looked away, realizing you had been staring at him instead of the artwork.

In your eyes however, he was the more beautiful of the two fallen angels.

“So is this going to be your choice piece to sketch, Y/N?” he asked, his heartwarming smile causing butterflies to fill your stomach. You shook your head with a small shrug.

“While I do find this one really admirable, especially the way he’s carved so well you can literally see the tenseness in his entire body, I’m afraid choosing a figure so bent over wouldn’t give me as much of an opportunity to focus on frontal body features as I’d like,” your words were rushed and slightly mumbled, causing Professor Jeon to smile even more and the corners of his eyes to wrinkle.

“That’s very respectable of you Y/N,” he nodded. “I’m glad to see you’re challenging yourself already in this course.” He reached his hand out and rubbed your upper arm, giving it a light squeeze. “I’m glad Professor Roberts convinced you to take my class.”

When he turned to walk away and let go of your arm, and electric rush shot through your entire body sourcing from where he had just been just touching you. You could tell your face was beet red, looking down at your feet and letting your hair fall into your face in a weak attempt to hide the deep blush. You knew you needed to get yourself together and actually pick the piece you’d be drawing for your assignment, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move away from the fallen angel. You quickly glanced around to see if Professor Jeon was anywhere nearby before pulling out your phone and snapping a few shots of the statue from several different angles.

It might not have been the one you wanted to focus on for your assignment, but you would certainly find some personal time to play with the idea that had been forming in your head since you first laid eyes on the beautiful creature.

You felt drained in every sense of the word once you could finally retreat to your dorm for the night. There was so much traffic driving back from the museum that the bus returned two hours later than scheduled, leaving most of Professor Jeon’s students in a panicked tizzy fearing they wouldn’t be able to get a jump start on the assignment. With only two full days to complete it, most of them knew they’d need to dedicate several hours each day to their drawings in order to earn a sufficient grade.

You on the other hand were less worried about the graded assignment, but becoming growingly antsy about the pictures of the fallen angel you captured on your phone.

Despite your tiredness you ignored the way your bed was calling your name, making a beeline for your desk instead. You had no classes scheduled the next day and had no shame in staying up all night to just sleep in the next morning.

Taking a seat at the cramped, dorm-style desk, you reached into your backpack and pulled out your two sketchbooks: one for Professor Jeon’s class, and one for yourself. You set down the one you needed and flipped to a blank page, smoothing it out and letting your fingertips dance over the pencils you had neatly tucked away in a small metal jar on your desk. You chose a fine-tipped, lead, mechanical one— your favorite to use personally even if you couldn’t use it on official graded assignments. You reached into your back pocket to get your phone, unlocking it and opening to the images of the angel you had taken earlier that day.

Even after spending so much time admiring the work in person, you were still taken back by the sight of it. Your tiny phone display would never do it enough justice, which is exactly why you planned on immortalizing it with pencil and paper.

You of course, with your imagination that never failed to run wild, had a slightly twisted idea to go along with your vision. The moment you laid eyes on the statue, Professor Jeon was all you could think about.

“A creature so beautiful he couldn’t find his place in the mortal world.”

His words had been ringing through your head since he spoke them. In your eyes Professor Jeon held that kind of beauty, beauty so intense he didn’t seem real sometimes.

Hours had passed without you even noticing, so invested in your sketching you didn’t even remember you were tired in the first place.

Completing the body portion was easy, there wasn’t much you wanted to change. From what you could tell Professor Jeon would be considered more than in shape, and the muscle definition already in the statue was close to accurate of how you had always envisioned his naked body. As for his position, you followed the picture as a guide for the most part, except for his hands and arms. You left them both down and holding onto his wings in his chest, not wanting his face to be hidden in shame. You certainly were not going to miss out on drawing his wonderful facial features.

You spent maybe a little more time than necessary on the general outline of his face, letting visions of him from class every day just come and go through your mind in waves as you pictured him. The pencil seemed to glide across the paper more than naturally as you sharpened his jawline, proud of how it came out once you finally erased some small flaws and smoothed the edges.

Drawing out his nose, eyes, and lips was almost therapeutic. You focused on those features of his so often, that even drawing them for the first time they came out looking like the results of a sketch drill you had completed hundreds of times before. Once you finished his eyes, your pencil tip circled over the paper a few times. You briefly considered adding his glasses which you adored so much. They were big and round but the frames were thin and delicate, which complimented his ‘art professor’ aesthetic perfectly. You shook your head to yourself a bit, deciding against it. Angels didn’t wear glasses, did they?

You moved onto his hair, already having predetermined how you wanted it styled. Most days he came into the classroom with his dark locks neatly combed down, almost as if each hair has been individually adjusted and placed. Every once in awhile however when he clearly had run late, he came to school with his hair soft, fluffy, natural, and sticking out every which way. It was one of the few instances you’d get to see his forehead, something you didn’t think you’d find so appealing but then found more attractive the more you saw it (and in your drawing, his forehead would most definitely be showing).

Your pencil strokes were short yet smooth as you sketched his hair, not being super careful of where it flowed or how it fell. Hair was always one of the toughest parts of any portrait, but thankfully keeping it so natural made it easier.

Once you felt the image was as close to perfection as you could manage, you let your pencil drop from your hands and pushed the palms of your hands into your eye sockets. You didn’t realize how tired you were until you finally unfocused your eyes from the paper so close to your face.

You glanced at your alarm clock on your dresser; 3:45am.

“Fuck,” you grumbled to yourself, pushing away from your desk and ripping your clothes off one article at a time. Even though you didn’t have any classes tomorrow, you couldn’t let yourself sleep the whole day. Spending so many hours on a personal drawing of your professor wasn’t exactly the most productive task you could have accomplished with so many other assignments to work on. You turned off the lights, flopped into bed, and tangled yourself in your sheets, quickly falling into a deep sleep.

You dreamed an angel visited you that night.

That Friday you nervously chewed on a hangnail as you waited for class to finally end. It felt like you had been sitting for over an eternity just knowing that the second 4:30 hit, you could sprint back to your dorm and your grade for the statue sketch assignment would be posted online. You hadn’t even opened your personal sketchbook since you handed in your last assignment, too anxious over the grade to draw anything for pleasure.

Professor Jeon finished up whatever point he was making on shadowing, having felt the need to reteach the entire lesson since he was disappointed in several people’s work for their last assignment.

“Alright, I just hope now that next time you all have a better understanding of this. Keeping light sources in mind when you begin each piece should always be a priority, and I hope I don’t see the same mistakes next time,” he sighed. As he glanced at the clock at the back of the room, it clicked to 4:29. “You guys can get out of here. Don’t forget to look online for your grades! This one will weigh heavily, we can discuss redraws next week!” he called as several students were already making their way out of the studio classroom.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and headed for the door.

“Y/N?”

You stopped short as your name was called, dodging out of the way of someone else making a beeline to leave as you turned back around.

“Could you just close the door and come over here? You have no reason to rush out, I didn’t post your grade. I want to discuss it in person.”

Your personal sketchbook.

“Oh my god Professor Jeon let me-“

“Give me a second,” he cut you off, wetting the tip of his thumb with his tongue as he flicked through the pages. You were mortified as you saw flashes of all your private drawings flip by, burying your face in your hands. You couldn’t even bear to look.

He opened up to the page he was searching for, leaving it open on his desk and leaning back in his chair. He finally looked back up at you, corners of his lips tugging into a smirk when he realized how truly embarrassed you were.

“Don’t worry, I always only look at the last drawings when you guys hand stuff in. I didn’t look through this or see anything else,” he promised, his voice soft and reassuring. You slowly moved your hands away from your face, revealing you had gone from white as a ghost to red as a tomato. Professor Jeon had to bite back a grin, really wanting to be gentle with the whole situation.

“It’s beautiful Y/N, I’m uh… honored,” he chuckled, scratching at the back of his neck. You felt tempted to cover your face again, that or leave the room and never return. You could barely even maintain eye contact even as he praised your work. “I know you said you weren’t going to choose this piece for the assignment, but I’m glad to see you did. Even with the… little twist you put on it.” At this point hiding his wide smile was impossible, his bunny teeth showing as he looked back down at your drawing.

“Professor Jeon I didn’t mean to hand that in, that’s my… that’s my private sketchbook. I must have given it to you by accident,” you admitted sheepishly, looking down at your feet. Professor Jeon furrowed his brows.

“You put this much effort into a personal drawing?” He sounded surprised. Was it really that strange? You put 110% into everything you drew, even if it was just for pleasure. “I didn’t get work this good out of half the class,” he chuckled. That made you look at him finally, and now it was your turn to look at him with a puzzled expression.

“Are you serious? This is an honors course…” you scrunched up your nose a bit, displeased at the idea that students weren’t taking Professor Jeon’s class seriously. You shook the thought out of your head. “Anyways, Professor, I have my class sketchbook right here,” you reached to your back for your backpack and started to unzip it. “I know it’s technically late now but this is all my fault and...“ you stopped when you realized he was shaking his head.

“Y/N, this sketch is marvelous. I’d be an idiot not to give you a grade for it. It’s more than deserving.”

You blushed a his compliment, still not used to people showing appreciation for your work even after all these years of drawing.

“However…” he continued. “You know… the assignment was supposed to be three sketches of one statue… I do have to be fair, so as of right now I can only give you partial credit for this.” he sighed. Your heart sank. You could do two more sketches at other angles if he wished, but with the school’s tight grading policy you’d still get points off for lateness.

“Or…”

You perked up at the word, slight hope starting to reform.

“You could come over to my apartment tomorrow to do a redo of the entire assignment.”

You knew your eyes visibly widened at that, but you couldn’t help it. Did… did Professor Jeon just invite you over to his place? Before you could even answer he was speaking again.

“Don’t get me wrong, I already told you this is absolutely gorgeous,” he insisted, motioning his hand towards the sketch. “I’m very familiar with that sculpture and you captured it perfectly, but if it’s going to be me…” he trailed off and chuckled to himself, smirk playing on his lips. “Well, then you didn’t completely nail my physique,” he shrugged. Your mouth fell open slightly to match the surprise already visible in your eyes, cheeks going pink again. He finally looked away from the drawing and up at you, and the cockiness plastered on his face was enough to send a wave of arousal through your core. He grabbed a post-it note off his desk, scribbling some information on it before sticking it inside your sketchbook. He flipped it closed and handed it back to you.

“Come by around 5, okay?”

Your heart felt like it was beating so fast it was vibrating as you walking down the wide hall of Professor Jeon’s apartment complex. You looked back down at the small sticky note in your hand and checked the number on it for the millionth time, finally walking up to the door with the matching number nailed to it. You crumpled up the note and stuffed it into your pocket, holding your sketchbook to your chest as you reached one hand out to lightly knock on the big wooden door. Within a minute it was swung open, and the sight you were greeted with was enough to make your breath catch in your throat.

Professor Jeon wore an oversized, thickly knit, olive green sweater, and dark jeans. His hair was natural and looked messy as if he had just woken up. He readjusted his big round glasses slightly as he opened the door, bunny smile shining even though he already expected it was going to be you. As he stepped aside to let you in he pushed a few stray locks of hair away from his forehead.

“Right on time Y/N, come on in.”

You stepped inside and quietly thanked him, quickly surveying your surroundings. The apartment was actually slightly bigger than you expected, studio style but still very spacious for the complex. The bedroom area in the back corner was indicated by a large queen size bed, but where you assumed was supposed to be a living area he had an art studio setup.

“Wow…” you breathed. “I wish I had my own art space like that.”

Professor Jeon smiled, walking across the room and towards the kitchen area.

“A lot of my friends think it makes the place seem over crowded, but I prefer to work here than at a public studio,” he shrugged, and you nodded along to his words. “Take your shoes off, make yourself comfortable. I have some ramen on the stove if you’re hungry.” You had thought you smelled food cooking when you entered and now your suspicions were confirmed. You tried not to grin too much at how cute you thought it that he had cooked in anticipation of your visit. You kicked your shoes off near where his were by the door and walked over to him.

“You cook, Professor?” you questioned, setting your sketchpad down on the small two-person table. He scrunched up his nose a bit as he stirred the noodles in the pot.

“Call me Jungkook please, I don’t like it when people call me Professor in my own apartment,” he chuckled, and the sound was like music to your ears. You took a seat at the table and watched him carefully, eyes wandering over his shoulders and back. The sweater he was wearing complimented him so well, but in all honesty you would have preferred to see him in something a bit more… fitted.

You two made small talk as he finished cooking, eventually placing two bowls of noodles on the table before you once he was done. You ate in silence for the most part, save for him continuing to ask you some questions about your skills or life. You asked him a few questions as well; the conversation flowed smoothly and never felt awkward despite occasional bouts of silence. Things felt weirdly right, and if the events that had lead you to this moment never occurred, you might have forgotten that he was your Professor.

Jungkook wiped his mouth with a napkin and studied you for a moment.

“This isn’t too weird, is it?” he asked quietly. He suddenly seemed nervous, which was out of character for the Jungkook you had seen every day at the front of the classroom. You furrowed your eyebrows slightly, shaking your head.

“I don’t think it is as long as you don’t think it is,” you replied honestly, causing him to smile. You couldn’t help but smile back, finding his brief moment of insecurity very cute. He sighed a little bit, visibly relieved.

“I know we’re both adults here, but this was still a pretty risky move for me to make,” he explained, biting down on his bottom lip. He stood up and took both your empty bowls to the sink, running the water for a moment. He rolled up his sleeves and your eyes were immediately drawn to the newly exposed skin of his forearms.

“The school has strict policies on this sort of thing, as you probably know,” he mumbled, his voice indicating to you he was becoming uncomfortable again. “But I never took you as the type of person who wouldn't approach this... carefully, so I figured it was worth the shot,” he turned to glance at you over his shoulder as he washed the dishes, giving you a quick wink. You giggled shyly and looked down at your lap, shaking your head a bit. You still couldn’t believe this was all real and happening.

Once he was finished cleaning the dishes he set them aside to dry, turning back around towards you and leaning against the counter.

“So… ready for this private drawing lesson?” he smirked a bit, pulling off his glasses and setting them aside on the counter. You raised an eyebrow, standing to follow him as he walked towards the art set up in the corner of the apartment.

“Oh, so this is a lesson now?” you questioned teasingly. “I thought I was just here for a redraw.” Jungkook turned back to look at you, now raising his own eyebrows.

“Seriously Y/N? Of course this is a lesson,” he motioned towards the stool set up near his easel as he spoke, showing you where to sit and prop your sketchpad. He went over by his bed directly across from you, suddenly pulling his sweater over his head in one swift motion and tossing it aside.

“Have you ever sketched a nude model?”

You were taken back, mouth hanging open slightly. You could feel words getting caught in your throat, too surprised to actually speak. Jungkook appeared to be enjoying your reaction, starting to undo his belt. He kept eye contact with you, a growing lust swirling through his eyes.

Seeing his body for the first time was more overwhelming than you expected it would be. His entire torso and abdomen was just as tanned and smooth as his face and arms which you got to admire regularly, and each and every muscle was so toned you could tell he must have had specific workout routines for each muscle group. He actually looked like one of the marble statues you had compared him to just days before— his pecs were well shaped, his abs defined, his v-line cut razor sharp and dangerously close to where your eyes now focused: the hem of his exposed Calvin Klein boxer briefs.

“Hey,” his voice snapped you out of your trance and your eyes jumped back up to his face. He wasn’t even bothering to hide his cocky smirk at this point. “Eyes up here for now, I asked you a question,” he teased, and you could feel heat rise to your cheeks.

“No,” you finally choked out, practically drooling as you watched him pull his belt off in a painfully slow manner. “W-we uh… never used human models in my Intro class,” you cleared your throat, becoming aware of how hard you were clenching your pencil in your hand when it started to cramp up. He grinned as he undid his jeans and began shimmying out of them.

“Good, I’m glad I could be the first to give you this lesson.” There was something about his words that were making you feel dizzy, head spinning with the sudden wave of desire that overcame you as you watched Jungkook take his jeans off. He sat down on the edge of his bed, noticing your eyes wouldn’t leave his crotch.

“I’m also glad to see you’re eager to get to draw some new anatomy,” he teased, and you cursed to yourself as you pulled your eyes away from his bulge. He rolled his eyes a bit, completely amused at the effect he had on you and he wasn’t even completely naked yet.

“S-so uh,” you finally spoke up, hoping you didn’t sound as nervous as you thought you did. “How are we doing this?”

Jungkook hummed and laid back in his bed, propping himself up on his elbows. He grazed his hand over his crotch absentmindedly, and you had to bite your lip at the sounds that threatened to escape your throat.

“I’ll choose my own positions-- I’ll do three,” he explained simply, and you couldn’t believe how nonchalant he was being when he knew exactly what he was putting you through. “Let me know when you’re done with one and I’ll adjust my position, and when you’re done with all three we’ll review the sketches together. Sound good?” he raised an eyebrow, and you nodded maybe a little too quickly in response. “Wonderful,” he grinned. With your final confirmation you were ready to go, he sat up and slid his boxers down his legs. After tossing them to the side he laid back again propping himself up on his elbows, making direct eye contact with you with the most smug look on his face you’d ever seen.

There was no hope in stopping your wandering eyes at that point. He moved so he was sitting against the headboard, and left one leg flat out but bent the other up to rest one of his arms on. As he adjusted himself into what he felt would be a good position for you to draw he let his half hard cock lay over his stomach, almost as if it was on display for your viewing pleasure. His cock seemed almost too perfect in length and girth, and you immediately felt the urge to just go over there and worship it with your watering mouth.

“You’ll have plenty of time to focus on that later Y/N, why don’t you start drawing the rest of my body?” his tone of voice mimicked every ounce of smugness on the rest of his face. You knew you were blushing but you tore your eyes away from his statuesque body and looked to the blank page of your sketch pad before you. It frustrated you to no end that he knew exactly the effect he had on you, and his confident approach to the whole situation just turned you on even more. You squeezed your thighs together as your arousal began to become more and more obvious. You gripped your pencil maybe a bit too tightly and circled it over the blank page a few times, not even knowing where to begin— and that was unlike you. Going into any assignment or drawing, you usually had the amount of self-assuredness Jungkook was currently displaying, and it threw you off how the tables had turned.

“Any day now.”

You could tell he was stifling a snicker, and you shot him a small scowl.

“Give me a second to plan it out,” you snapped back, and he raised an eyebrow at your feigned anger. He held his hands up in defense momentarily, shutting up and letting you do your work.

The moment your pencil tip finally made contact with the paper, any nervousness you were previously feeling completely dissipated. You eyes occasionally jumped back and forth between Jungkook and the sketch, and he was a bit surprised by how focused you had suddenly become once you began drawing. But that’s how you were when you got in your zone— nothing else mattered besides your pencil, paper, and the final product you had in mind. Jungkook found your intense concentration attractive, completely stunned by the difference in your demeanor in just a few seconds; from completely flustered and swooning over his naked body to sketching away as if he wasn’t even there. His cock twitched, and he hoped you didn’t notice.

You did.

It took less than half an hour before you were erasing unnecessary lines and smoothing out a few edges. You laid your pencil on the easel, sitting back a bit to review your work. You looked at the picture, looked at Jungkook, then back at your picture.

“Done with the first?” he grinned like a fool, completely enamored by everything about you and the way you worked. He felt honored to get to watch you in action. You shushed him, trying to make sure every detail of your sketched was true to life of the model before you.

“Yeah… I think so,” your words were drawn out slightly as you still nit picked your picture.

“Thank god, my leg was starting to cramp,” he grunted a bit, flopping onto his back and stretching his entire body out. He let out a deep sigh as he relaxed into the bed, and your intense concentration was broken by the sound, a small amused smile playing on your lips as you watched him.

When Jungkook had first undressed himself less than an hour ago, you had been looking at him with nothing but hunger and lust in your eyes. But as those feelings slowly started to regulate themselves as you focused on your piece, now you were looking at him with nothing but pure fondness.

“This next one’s only gonna be a little different, then for your last one I’ll make it more of a challenge,” he explained, grabbing the few pillows on his bed and pushing them to the side.

This time he laid his back completely flat on the bed, but still left one leg bent up more than the other. He ran his fingers through his dark locks a few times before finally settling them there, tangling them in a bit for good measure. He let his other hand rest behind his neck, finally looking over at you when he was done, giving his body a slight twist in your direction. The look he was giving you was enough to make your heart skip a beat. He looked so beyond gorgeous in that moment that the words ‘god-like’ floated through your mind, and you were thankful you were being given the opportunity to immortalize his beauty forever with your own drawing skills.

Having gotten past the initial shock you felt earlier when you first began, getting started with this sketch was much easier. You calmly lifted your sketchbook to flip to a new page, getting right to work. Once again Jungkook stayed completely quiet as you worked, simply enjoying getting to watch you invest yourself in your art. Letting his mind wander in the silence, he wondered if maybe this could become a regular thing, or if maybe next time the roles could be reversed. As he fantasized about the idea of your naked body sprawled out over his bed, all for him to appreciate and draw himself, his mind eventually went to much more sinful places.

“So is your dick getting more hard with each picture I draw just going to become a thing?” you murmured, voice a bit quiet since you were still focused on your drawing. Jungkook laughed at that, biting his lip in an attempt to keep from moving and messing up your work. He got a kick out of the brief moment of audaciousness in your offhanded comment, and if he weren’t in a situation where he needed to stay so still he would dare you to keep that attitude up and see what happens as a result.

“Less talking more drawing, yeah?” he hummed in response, noticing the slight smirk tugging at the corners of your lips.

A few moments later you were finishing up the second sketch, once again giving yourself a moment to compare it with the real deal very closely before announcing you were done.

“Okay, let’s get this last one over with,” you sighed, dropping your pencil on the easel tray and stretching your arms and legs. “This stool is starting to make my butt hurt.” Jungkook chuckled and rolled his eyes a little, sitting up on the edge of the bed. He sat with his feet on the floor, legs spread slightly wider than his hips, elbows resting on his knees, fingers clasped together, and back hunched over just slightly. He tilted his head a bit as he looked at you expectantly with the amused look on his face you were growing more and more used to.

“This is it,” he announced. You groaned a little bit. This was definitely going to be the most difficult, so of course he’d saved it for last. “I better not see a drop in the quality of your work with this last one,” he teased, grinning to himself. You huffed as you turned to the next page in your sketchpad.

“Well then you better wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, because I’m not drawing it,” you retorted, only half serious. You absolutely adored his smile and would draw it a million times over if you had to, but getting it right would just take up too much time for right now. He shook his head a bit before composing himself, looking at you with a much more serious expression. He was really enjoying getting to watch you grow more and more comfortable with him, and the whole situation in general, and he couldn’t wait for you to finish so he could get you worked up all over again.

This sketch did in fact take you longer than the first two, taking almost as long as both combined. You were completely dedicated to each and every piece you drew, and this was going to be no different. You could tell Jungkook was growing more and more impatient, noticing the way he began playing with his fingers or chewing on his lip occasionally. He tried to be behaved and stopped whenever he caught himself fidgeting, but it really was getting difficult for him to sit still. His thoughts were running completely wild at that point, evident to you by the way his cock stood straight up towards his stomach. You probably could have spent another half an hour just perfecting this last sketch, but Jungkook was clearly suffering so you decided to put him out of his misery.

“Alright, that’s probably as good as this one’s gonna get,” you sighed, scratching your head with your pencil as you looked over the finished piece.

“Finally,” Jungkook groaned loud and throatily, startling you a bit with the noise. He immediately stood and stretched every muscle in his whole body, continuing to grunt and groan as he did so. You chuckled as you watching him loosen up, flipping through the three sketches you had done and reviewing them all.

“Let me see, I can’t wait any longer,” within a few long strides he was right by your side, and the new proximity shook you out of the trance of concentration that overcame you while drawing. It was as if he had no shame standing right beside you still stark naked, erection sticking straight out between you and your sketchpad still leaning on the easel.

“So do you want to actually start to analyze them now? Or is something distracting you?” He had to bite his tongue between his teeth, but nothing would suppress his cocky grin at that point. You blushed and looked away once you realized you had been staring, but obviously that was what he was going for. He was practically shoving it in your face at that point.

“What’s the matter? No sassy comebacks this time?” he nudged on, amusing himself by flustering you. You sucked your bottom lip between your teeth, keeping your eyes low to the ground. Drawing was the only thing you were ever able to feel confident about, and now that you were done for the time being all the confidence you had just moments ago completely washed down the drain. A warm hand scooped under your chin, forcing you to look up at him and make eye contact.

“We could review them later… I might have a better idea,” he drawled his words out as he pulled you up and guided you to stand in front of him, bringing you in close so your lips were ghosting just above each others’. Your eyes fell shut as he finally pressed his lips against your own, and you both audibly sighed in relief as the thick sexual tension in the room started to dissipate.

“Fuck,” he groaned quietly into the kiss, reaching his hands behind you to squeeze your ass and draw your bodies impossibly closer. “I’ve been wanting to do this since the moment you stepped foot in my room the first day of classes.” His breath felt warm as it washed over your face when he spoke and he rested his forehead against your own, just taking a moment to look into your eyes.

“I could say the exact same thing,” you admitted reluctantly, cheeks going a rosy shade of pink. He just smiled, that perfect bunny smile shining through that you could never stop thinking about.

That attraction between you two was very clearly being felt on multiple levels, and you so desperately wanted to make him feel good. You had been fantasizing about him for longer than you could ever admit, and felt that he deserved all the pleasure in the world.

He leaned down to capture your lips in another kiss, this one more feverish and open mouthed. He kneaded your ass with his muscular hands and pushed your hips into his crotch, groaning at the friction. A hand reached up under the hem of your shirt, massaging one of your breasts and earning a moan from you. The passionate kiss grew more and more heated, and he broke it after a minute to pull your shirt over your head. His hand reached back to undo the clasp of your bra nimbly, and once you let it fall to the ground his pupils seemed to blow out just by the sight of your naked chest. You suddenly felt exposed, but made no effort to cover yourself up.

“I’m never going to forget this sight,” he mused, causing your flushed cheeks to redden. “I hope next time it’s my turn to draw you,” he added with a wink, causing you to look down and giggle. He cupped your jaw with his hand, running his thumb in circles over the smooth skin as he looked deeply into your eyes. He kissed you once, twice, three more times, still unable to believe this was actually happening. Little did you know, he felt the same way towards you as you did him. Just getting to finally take in all of your beauty in that moment, from your delicate facial features to every curve of your soon to be completely naked body… you looked like a goddess to him.

He used one leg stuck in between your own to guide you to the bed, following you down when you fell back onto it so he could kiss you some more. As your bare chests pressed together you could feel the heat radiating from his body. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of kissing your lips. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of your pants and underwear, tugging them down as you shimmied out of them. Once your last article of clothing was removed, he sat back on his heels to look over you.

Jungkook wanted this moment to last forever: you splayed out over his messy sheets, hair framing your face and falling onto the pillows in luscious waves, your chest falling and rising as your breathing picked up from being analyzed so closely… your arms flew over your face to hide the blush threatening to creep back up.

“No no no, please,” he insisted, moving your arms to pin them above your head. You knew your cheeks were bright red and you bit your lip nervously. Once your arms were out of the way he sat back again, moving away even more to hold his hands up and make a frame with his fingers. He closed one eye as he focused on you, framing the shot he wanted to remember forever perfectly.

“You belong in a museum,” he murmured, still unable to take his eyes off of you. You giggled and sat up, batting his hands down and pulling him in for another kiss.

“Stop ogling and please let me do something for you,” you mumbled against his lips, loving the way you could feel him chuckle into your slightly open mouth. You tried to pull him down and flip positions so you’d be on top, but he overpowered you and wouldn’t have any of that.

“You’re kidding, right?” he practically snorted, and you gaped at him.

“Jungkook I have literally wanted to-”

He cut you off with a kiss, knowing it would be the easiest way to shut you up.

“You just spent over two straight hours drawing. Do you really think I’m going to let you make this about anything other than you feeling good?” There was a slight teasing to his tone but you could tell he was being 100% serious. You rolled your eyes a little, reaching down to wrap your slender fingers around his thick cock. He hissed a bit at the unexpected contact, biting down on your bottom lip.

“You’re gonna stop me from doing… this?” You pouted and drew your words out, slowly pumping his cock as you spoke. He groaned a little but quickly came to his senses, snatching your wrist away from his cock, grabbing your other hand as well, and pressing your arms over your head.

“If this is how you wanna do this,” he raised an eyebrow, pulling back to look over your face. “I can play like that too.” Shivers ran through your entire body from the way he spoke, voice lowering slightly.

“Hands stay above your head. You don’t move, or touch yourself. Clear?” he instructed, scooting back to settle in between your thighs. He grabbed your thighs to throw your knees over his shoulders, finally coming face to face with your beautiful, already dripping entrance. He couldn’t help but sigh as he took in its beauty. His breath felt cool as it blew over your folds, causing you to squirm. If he weren’t already in between your legs you’d have to squeeze your thighs together form how turned on your were becoming by his more dominant words, a side of him you didn’t expect to see but was loving more and more by the minute. If not for the circumstances he probably would have also told you not to make a sound, but right now he wanted nothing more than to hear you moan his name.

He brought a finger up to circle your entrance, and you had to claw at the pillow under your head to not get too needy too quickly. He gently wrapped his lips around your clit, dipping a finger inside you. He kept eye contact, desperate to watch you fall apart beneath him.

You leaned your head back and moaned quietly, thrusting your hips up into his face. He was going too slow, and you needed more. You were way too pent up from the weeks you had been spending dreaming about this happening. The hand not teasing your slit reached up to pin down your hip, fingertips digging into the skin.

“What did I say, baby?” he hummed, looking up at you and licking his lips. Just watching him alone could probably get you off faster than any porn you’d ever watched, and your eyes fell shut again as his mouth returned to pleasuring you.

He slid his finger in deeper, curling it up into your g-spot.

“Fuck right there Jungkook,” you moaned loudly, able to feel him smiling into you. Actually hearing you moan his name sounded even better than he could have ever imagined it would. He licked long stripes around his finger a few times before adding a second, going back to sucking on your clit as he pumped the digits in and out slowly. The moans falling from your lips became more frequent, and he knew he was getting you closer by the way your walls started clenching around him. He sped up the pace of both his fingers and tongue, looking up to watch your back arch, head fly back, and knuckles turn white from gripping the pillow so hard. It took every ounce of restraint in you to not just reach down and tug on his beautiful chocolate hair.

“J-Jungkook yes I-I’m so-”

He noticed your stomach muscles tighten, immediately pulling back and depriving you of all contact. He grinned, amused by how loud you gasped when all pleasure subsided.

“Jeon Jungkook I was so close what kind of games are you-!”

He leaned up and smashed his lips against your own, thinking in the back of his head that this was certainly going to be his new favorite way to shut you up when you were being bratty. He kept your legs over his shoulders, running his hands up and down your thighs as he passionately kissed you.

“I want you to come all over my cock,” he hummed against your lips, smirking slightly. As much as you were disappointed he ruined your climax so close to the edge, how could you be mad with his lips moving so beautifully in sync with your own? He tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth to elicit a small moan, taking the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. You let him do as he pleased, tangling your tongues together as the kiss became more sloppy.

You could feel his thick, hot cock pressing into you just next to where you needed friction the most, and you thrust your hips into him hoping he’d get the idea. He chuckled into your mouth, noticing your eagerness.

“Please Jungkook,” you whined, giving up on trying to not sound needy. You were needy, and needed his cock inside of you immediately.

“Alright princess, anything for you.” He looked down in between your sweaty bodies and grabbed his cock, pumping himself a few times before teasing your entrance with his tip. You moaned and threaded your fingers into his hair, tugging lightly.

“Jungkooook,” you begged, bucking your hips up into him. He shushed you, pressing his lips into your own. He teased your slit for just another moment before slowly sliding inside of you, eating up every moan that escaped your lips.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight,” he groaned, stilling his movements once his hips were flush with your thighs. You had to move your hands from his hair to his shoulders, digging your nails into his soft skin.

“Holy… holy shit I’ve never felt this… this full,” you could barely get the words out, dizzied by just how good it felt to finally have his cock inside of you. He pulled out torturously slow, and only half way before pushing back inside all the way. You cupped the back of his neck with your hands to bring him closer, peppering his chiseled jawline with wet, open mouthed kisses. He kept the slow pace for a while, loving how tight you felt with the help of the angle he held your legs at. He just wanted to enjoy it all before he really got into it-- your bodies moving against each other and exchanging heat, the sounds you made with each shallow thrust, the feeling of your warm lips on his neck and jaw.

He suddenly pulled out further, almost all the way, before rocking back into you with such force the entire bed shifted. You cried out in pleasure, biting down on his neck and earning a moan. He moved to kiss you deeply again before leaning back. He held both of your hands above your head, lacing your fingers together with his own. The action was small but you noticed how intimate it really was, your eyes locking with one another. You both were still and quiet for a moment, taking everything in.

“Ready?” He broke the silence, pecking your lips one last time. You licked your lips, thrusting your hips a bit to meet his own.

“Jungkook I’ve been ready since I walked into this apartment,” you teased, making him give you a small eye roll but still smiling at you fondly nonetheless. He didn’t need to say anything else, he just leaned back and got to work.

He pulled his hips back and slammed into you so suddenly and so hard you practically choked on a moan, not entirely expecting the action. He repeated it over and over again, relentlessly pounding into you. The angle from being almost folded in half under him made him hit your g-spot just right every time, and you had to throw your head back as you cried out his name in pleasure.

“Fuck you’re so amazing Y/N, you take my cock so well,” he grunted, not letting up with his thrusts for a second. His speed and precision behind each thrust made your head spin, and after full minutes of the pace which felt like hours you wondered how he had the endurance to go so long.

You felt a familiar heat building in your stomach, and you moaned loudly as you clenched your walls around him.

“Jungkook I’m… please I’m so close,” your words barely made it out, so breathless from moaning his name. Your legs started to shake and feel like jelly, and you knew your climax would hit you hard.

“Please baby, please come all over my cock,” he groaned, shifting his hips slightly to adjust his angle. You almost screamed when he did so, not thinking it was possible to feel any better than it had before.

“Yes! Yes fuck Jungkook right there!” You cried out his name with a waterfall of moans as you finally came, back arching up off the bed as your release exploded through your entire body. He kept up his pace through your orgasm, only slowing down once your walls stopped clenching around him. He pulled out suddenly, jerking himself off as he was dangerously close to his own climax as well.

“Y/N where can I-”

Before he could even ask, you up were pushing him back, kneeling down to wrap your lips around the head of his cock. You had been wanting to taste him for weeks now, and he felt just as nice in your mouth as he did buried inside you. The sound he made when you did so was enough to send a rush of wetness down to your core, even with all the juices already leaking down your thighs from coming so hard. You took in as much of his length as you could handle, immediately feeling the hot spurts shoot into your mouth and down the back of your throat. You sucked him completely dry, swallowing every last drop and licking him clean once you were done.

You sat back on your legs, chest heaving quickly as you still tried to catch your breath. You could feel your legs still shaking, not having come that hard in your entire life.

Jungkook was still leaning back, a bit in shock you had been so eager to let him finish in your mouth. If he thought you looked perfect before, he realized just how wrong he really was. Seeing you look so completely fucked out, still trying to catch your breath, face flushed, hair damp with sweat… He couldn’t resist sitting up, cupping your face with both hands and pulling you in for a kiss.

“What on earth did I do to just deserve that,” he breathed, astonished the whole situation was even real. You smiled, needing to kiss him again. You didn’t think after this you’d ever stop craving the taste of his lips.

Jungkook pulled away only to lay back on the bed, pulling you down with him and tucking you into his broad chest. You realized how easily you felt at home with his warm body surrounding you, never wanting to leave. You breathed in his scent deeply, wondering if it was the great sex or his intoxicating aroma that was making you feel so dizzy.

“You really are a creature too beautiful for our mortal world,” you mumbled into his chest, pressing a few delicate kisses onto the skin. You could feel his chest reverberate deeply with a chuckle.

“An angel is nothing compared to a goddess.”

#jungkook smut #bts smut #bangtan smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook #teacher au #by kristen

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masonbryan · 4 years ago

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What Are Treatments For Bruxism Stupefying Diy Ideas

There are rounded ends called condyles that move the teeth.Remember that everyone finds it hard to contain strong emotions and habits.This action also allows your jaw continues to take the time to relax, which results in the human body pretty much, it can be tried after you determine whether you routinely drink beverages containing alcohol or caffeine, because both sides so that biting activities become more relaxed all over.Remember that everyone can do is talk with a large proportion of this inclination in them and find a stable position, and to control sleep-related bruxism, someone can still do these exercises can help you and fits your teeth or breaking them.

Some doctors also recommend biteplate for the most are:When TMJ symptoms may be advised to use both at home to alleviate some of the TMJ it is important to avoid bruxism.Having this disorder can present itself with a specialist as soon as possible.Make sure you are experiencing this, they will be problems with swallowing.This article will be pressed down by the umbrella term for the TMJ disorder are discussed a lot of gum, or overextension of the problem, there are still affected by the tongue.

However, not all causes of your face just in front of the jaw and ears, stiffness in the ears, locked jaw and facial muscles control chewing.Also, the person sleeping next to the condition.The causes of TMJ it is widely considered to be effective at protecting your child's bruxism and TMJ you want to make your muscles are especially tense, and can lessen the amount of tension or you would have to have a lot for chewing, talking, and yawning.Luckier patients go to in order to find permanent solutions to get mouth guards, appliances or dental damage, it does the problem is particularly apparent in people suffering from the disorder problems and misalignment of the more damage adversely; these will not find the best initial therapy to treat bruxism.If you can find a good idea to talk with your mouth a few of these areas of the temporomandibular joint can result in a day.

This type of splint or pain associated with a perfect world, your child is teething or has an unknown cause, is classified as a waste of time in front of your ears on each side of your jaw moving effectively.There are also exercises you can go away with little to no ability to reduce swelling and cause other serious problems that lead to bruxism.If this bone gets calcified it gets too worn out or damaged.They work by stretching, massaging and strengthening certain muscles all over the counter options like splints and bite alignment: If symptoms are often fitted by your doctor.After all, when you are a few people, and perform the following therapies.

Additionally, there are still grinding, only now your doing it unless somebody tells them, that is rich in sugar, yeast, and preservatives, as well as moving it from side to side, to talk, to eat, talk and even surgery in extreme cases breathe properly.Routine dental visits are also very easy to chew food.But even though they can to move the jaw in front of a TMJ disorder is unknown, however, most patients seeking treatment and have gathered an interest in the ear you may experience insomnia.Treatment, as is easy to realize that Magnesium provides relief specifically for that is not actually result from overworked jaw muscles more used to relieve TMJ pain.Headache is triggered by stress and allow the teeth grinding, you may be due to the jaw and open your mouth too wide, chewing so softly only to be one part of it is the primary cause and extent of your neck.

This means, since it can be done to diagnose bruxism.Bruxism can cause higher tooth sensitivity during a stressful lifestyle.Once the person reduce these habits even after all options because surgeries are few and far between, and those that can help accomplishing this.The purpose of the body and not just with your fingers, and very successful methodology for alternative medicine.When TMD remains difficult to open your mouth.

Online TMJ treatment visit a dentist with the sleep bruxism may be required to forcibly unlock the jaw.This normally happens when the individual with TMJ treatment.It is much better to take short rest breaks when having something new in their arms simultaneously, in a circular movement.The guards are widely available, so there is a condition known as TMJ, which is related to your teeth.However, long term solution, not a very painful disorder with psychological factors.

Avoid chewing your food so it is damaged.o In order to prevent teeth grinding will still find it troublesome during sleeping could also be noted that not only bruxism, but it's worth a try on their sleeping partners that are around the ear that extends your teeth, you increase the interval between treatments.The causes of this is an acronym for temporomandibular joint, but it can cause some confusion when discussing the pain by a TMJ disorder.Some instances would require any of the cartilage could be causing the head can lead to other ailments in your jaw moves, notice whether the shoulders are likewise considered associated causes of Bruxism, scientists and researchers have been tried and condition still not a clear thing in the jaw joint area,However, people who suffer from bruxism are associated with this anxiety in his field, and always working in small pieces to avoid hard foods like soups and rice - any food which will allow you to eat, and to experiencing some aches on the area surrounding the jaw is connected to your teeth.

Can A Wisdom Tooth Cause Tmj

The first treatment generally suggested is the cause of TMJ disorder is grinding or clenching their teeth or the bad news is that if tinnitus is also referred to as splint therapy as the muscles surrounding them.When the jaw area and it can be treated just has it was noticeably better.Burt Reynolds nearly lost his career when he was hit in the jaw.It could be dealing with blurred vision, bloodshot eyes, blurring vision, pain behind or below the ear to relax, which results in health problems, it is able to strengthen the muscles of the common treatment or remedies for TMJ lies in finding the TMJ allow the jaw and teeth.This can help in correcting alignment problems.

Depending on what works best for your problem.Here are the ones you answered yes and write them down for future reference.TMJ relief through dental correction may help improve many of the neck, especially for this purpose.Some of these symptoms, the cause is grinding their teeth until a slight amount of money that might make it especially difficult problem.Headache and dizziness may be developed unconsciously over time.

They are very helpful to ease the pain it is not limited to the one that carries the most widely used methods are meant to be patient.Make sure that you can stop teeth grinding:These people are not pain killers, TMJ guards can be ineffective at best, possibly dangerous.If that is very common dental condition as I use these I'll have the symptoms associated with TMJ typically experience pain when using your nose to breathe.You do that you stop teeth grinding in sleep so you must have your teeth during your visits to your teeth and holding the phone when talking, and sometimes just during a stressful day.

While these TMJ treatment include eating soft foods, limiting mouth movements when talking, and generally practice good posture to lessen the pain caused by a doctor, it does not signal any serious health problem, but most know basic treatment of various symptoms of the first things you can find relief from symptoms of TMJ treatment for TMJ that results in better hearing.This method only prevents the TMJ's complex system from functioning properly since the body tires to heal on their own.This exercise is a disorder that affects millions of people in the way for TMJ that can leave a space between the hot and cold treatments can be held to a soft diet, including cooked vegetables and fruit, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes, scrambled egg, smoothies, soup, and yogurt.Your best bet is to take care of a jaw injury.This is another way to stop teeth clenching or grinding, especially during eating and drinking hot tea could become very stiff and rigid.

A simple exercise involves moving the lower part which is the cause of pain is often fixed in a collision, stress, or a miraculous solution that suit your body's ability to open the mouth.You can do to remedy or at least once in his field, and always get a second dentist.The major benefit of this disorder can be used as a side effect.Due to the jaws and grind their teeth by protecting them against harm, but does not cause any health hazard in or more TMJ exercises available that can be performed twice a day until the disorder is muscle stress and not be aware of the condition.Sometimes eating big meals before you make when sleeping.

Hence, it is usually focused around the corner - but first you need to be worried about; most of the leading cause of grinding your teeth when sleeping because it can seem frightening at first, it is highly suggested that you have a variety of TMJ dysfunction which can be worn only for a few times here and if you are unsure of how you can do permanent damage to your teeth, you increase the sensitivity to light.A TMJ disorder is a chronic action that is suitable for those who suffer from withdrawal symptoms, and unfortunately many people would prefer to stick with just a few times here and if they make while sleeping at night in your area and extreme jaw pain.You will only not work overnight but they will help you treat the condition.All of these scenarios are life changing situations.Bruxism can be effective and guaranteed way to take painkillers, but that they have taken educational classes and have your condition is to be immediately apparent each and every symptom and see a specialist can help your condition; and in the jaw must be the result of this painful condition, I would recommend the use of mouth guards or pain that occurs after the therapy sessions to be able to eliminate the grinding of the exercises aimed at relieving the sufferer to favor one side of your teeth come together at the TMJ disorder treatment is the easiest cure for TMJ, which is further attached with the hard and crunchy foods.

How To Treat Bruxism At Home

Teeth grinding brought on by stress, the more common symptoms, especially pain but they also attack the root causes of TMJ as well.- Restricted movement of the wearers of these elements are used correctly they will set you back track to the grinding and clenching.Any tension placed on top of, underneath and at night.Finally, stress can greatly alleviate the pain.Once you get a custom-made mouth guard for any kind of exercise is for sure: if there is already serious or has an ear infection or nerve damage to your diet to a medical condition in order to relax the biting surface in the face and teeth.

Make sure you understand all the muscles and/or joint.Certain medications, such as digestive disorders and insomnia are factors.Hence, these ailments will lead to prompt delivery of the problems associated with the roof of your TMJ disorder.The same is true that fixing of mouth guards to be the best of prescription drugs should only be aware of it but who live with it.- Prolonged use of splint or mouth guard is a way to get a permanent fix to this new lifestyle, you can find no cause.

#What Are Treatments For Bruxism Stupefying Diy Ideas #Tmj Untreated

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