#i tried taking a regular vitamin and immediately felt sick

[tipsywench]

lol this message my dr replied better be auto-generated and the real message will come afterwards. because they basically replied 'you can look at the after visit summary' and that was it and the after visit summary was written before my lab results came in so how the fuck is that supposed to help me?

I don't know if I'm the world's worst patient or what but I feel like I always make my problems worse

So 2 weeks ago my lab results pretty much show I'm anemic. Waited for the doctor to call or say I need a follow up or anything. Never got it. So I thought alright fuck it I'll just buy some iron supplements and b12 (bc google said those help) and fix this myself. Did that over the weekend and felt so fucking nauseous and sick so now I don't wanna touch any vitamin but I still feel anemic

so I finally decided to just message the doctor which I should've done like 2 weeks ago lol

[chicgeekgirl89]

Mercy is Out of Your Reach: Chapter 1

Fandom: SEAL Team

Characters: Sonny Quinn, Clay Spenser, Lisa Davis, Jason Hayes, and the rest of the team

Summary: Sonny Quinn isn't sick. And he's definitely not too sick to escape the cell he and Clay are trapped in. At least, not yet. Contains Clay whump, Sonny whump, a little torture, and a bit of Savis. Shoutout to @bluenet13 for helping with the title! 

                                         XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sonny Quinn absolutely, positively did not have a cold. Colds were for sissies and kids, not Tier One Operators. What he had was allergies. Or at least that’s what he told Jason when he arrived at the base, coughing and hacking. Because the hell he was being left behind when his brothers were taking off for a mission halfway across the world. He was not staying out of the action for a little cough and runny nose.

“Could you please cough literally anywhere else?” Clay griped, wrinkling his nose as Sonny covered his mouth with his elbow and hacked away.

“You should have stayed home,” Brock grunted.

“Let me look at you.” Trent pulled out a penlight and Sonny swatted him away with a frown. “Get that thing outta my face.”

“I thought you said you were fine,” Jason said, cracking open one eye from in his hammock.

“I am. It’s allergies.”

“To what? Behaving yourself?” Ray asked with a snicker.

Sonny kicked at him. “It’s ragweed. And pollen.”

“Right. Sure it is,” Full Metal grunted.

Sonny stood up and glared at all of them. “If ya’ll are going to be assholes I’m just going to take my charming personality to another part of this transport.”

“Good.”

“Go.”

“Yes please.”

Sonny shot them all a final scowl before trundling himself off to the back of the plane. He honestly felt a little bit like garbage; his head was full, he couldn’t breathe through his nose, and his lungs felt tight. He settled himself against a crate, letting his head drop back as he tried to take a deep breath.

The op was taking them to Morocco to gather intel for Mandy and possibly get to blow things up depending on the results. It wasn’t a Gucci mission by any means, but it was lower risk than some of the other ones they’d been on lately and that was probably good because he was already exhausted and they hadn’t even started yet.

“What are you doing?” 

He cracked open an eye to find Lisa looking down at him. “Sleeping?”

“You should be home.”

“I’m fine,” he told her, even as he felt his breath catch again and tried to unsuccessfully stifle yet another cough.

“You’re sick.”

“Quinns don’t get sick,” he said automatically. 

“Stop saying that!” she snapped at him. “Just because that’s the line your father lived by, it doesn’t mean you have to do it too.”

“It’s not a line. It’s a fact,” he said, sniffing as some snot tried to trickle out of his nose.

“You’re an idiot.”

“You know you keep on saying that to me, it might just hurt my feelings,” he told her with a grin.

She walked away and returned moments later with a bottle of water and an orange packet, both of which she tossed into his lap. “Drink this.”

He wrinkled his nose. “It tastes like piss.”

“Drink it anyway. Might help.”

He grumbled but she just crossed her arms and stared at him so he dumped the powdered Vitamin C into the bottle and chugged it down. “Happy?” he asked when he was finished.

“You should let Trent check you out.”

“You know, last I knew I was a fully grown adult who could make his own damn choices.”

“And last I knew you were a stubborn ass idiot.”

“Agree to disagree then.”

“If you die, it is not on me.”

“Absolutely.”

She was obviously still mad at him as she stalked away, probably to go huff at Mandy about stupid men and their lack of care for themselves. But he was fine. He just needed a couple hours of shuteye and he’d be good to go again.

He didn’t exactly feel worse by the time they landed, but he definitely didn’t feel better either. He sniffed and snorted as they gathered up their gear and headed out for whatever abandoned warehouse/hotel/house they were setting up the TOC in today. 

“Ray and Metal are going high on overwatch,” Jason said as they briefed. “Clay and Sonny will be at the café. Brock, Trent and I will be in the truck. Remember this is surveillance only. As much as a it sucks,” he glanced at Eric who had the good grace not to roll his eyes at his trigger happy team, “do not engage for any reason.”

“Not even if they say something mean?” Sonny asked, then rasped out another cough.

“You’re really going to make me take Typhoid Mary over here on a stakeout?” Clay asked.

“You know, none of you are being very supportive of my decision to come and watch all your asses,” Sonny grumbled.

“All right that’s enough,” Blackburn said. “Everybody has their assignments. You roll out in twenty.”

Jason caught Sonny’s arm on the way out of the room. “You sure you’re good for this?” 

“Yeah Jase. I’m fine.”

“We can do the op without you. Trent can take your spot.”

“I told you I’m fine. Ya’ll need to stop mothering me.”

Jason nodded. “Don’t screw it up.”

“Have I ever?” Sonny grinned and pointed finger guns at him. “Don’t answer that.”

“Drink this,” Clay said later when they were in position. The two of them had taken a corner table in the cafe, backs to the wall so they could keep an eye out for trouble. Both of them were in civvies, caps pulled down low over their faces, backpacks resting on the floor to keep their cover as “American tourists.”

“Why do you all keep trying to make me drink stuff today?” Sonny grumbled, sniffing at the cup Clay had put in front of him.

“It’s tea. It’ll help your throat,” Clay said.

“My throat doesn’t need any help.”

“Sonny shut up and drink the damn tea,” Jason said over the comms.

He did as he was told, sipping the bitter brew and wishing it was coffee or a beer instead. Or better yet NyQuil. 

“Okay those are our guys,” Ray said, static crackling in the background. “Keep it cool and make sure you get that device right.”

Sonny shifted in his seat, angling so that the camera button on his shirt would pick up more of the room, while Clay adjusted the listening device masquerading as a pen, right on the edge of the table.

“Bravo Two we are in position,” Clay muttered.

“Read you loud and clear Bravo Six. Hold steady.”

They got about ten, good minutes before it all went to hell. One second Sonny was sitting with Clay the next he was on the floor, ears ringing and then completely blind as someone threw a bag over his head.

He struggled and kicked his feet, making contact with someone who yelled and the next thing he felt was extreme pain in his skull, likely from the butt of a rifle.

He lost time after that, coming in and out. He was being carried, or rather dragged, and whoever was doing it clearly didn’t care about his health and wellbeing. He was vaguely aware of being put into a vehicle with no idea how long the ride lasted. And when he finally came around for real he wished he’d stayed out, because there was a man spraying him with a hose.

He gasped and struggled to get into a seated position, wincing as he touched the knot on the back of his skull.

Something moved next to him. “You all right?” Clay asked, wiping water from his face. His lip was split and there was a lot of dirt on the front of his shirt.

Sonny nodded as he took a good look at their surroundings. Cement walls and floor. Barred door. No window. A prison cell. Shit.

The man who’d sprayed them growled something in a language Sonny didn’t understand and then walked away. “D’you get that?” he asked Clay.

“His equivalent of ‘Fucking Americans’ I think,” Clay said. “My Tamazight’s rough.”

“What the hell man?” Sonny asked. “Did you see anything?”

Clay shook his head, testing the strength of the bars on the door. “Nah it was all smoke and light and then they hit me in the head. You still got your comm?”

Sonny shook his head. “They must have searched us, knife in my boot’s gone. And that water took out the button cam if it wasn’t damaged already.”

His lungs constricted painfully and he coughed wetly into his hand. “All right listen,” Clay said coming to stand close to him, back to the hall in case anyone was watching. “You’re sick. You need to let me run point on this. I’ll get us out of here.”

Sonny glared at him. “I am perfectly capable of helping us escape this hellhole.”

“I know. I’m just saying let me take point. Let me take the heat.”

“I am not letting you take the heat for anything!”

With a rattling clang the cell door slid open and four men entered. Two of them pointed automatic weapons at their captives, while the other two shoved them out of the cell and down the hall.

“Let me handle it,” Clay muttered to him.

Sonny shot him a dirty look but didn’t have time to respond as they were pushed into a new room. Sonny immediately spotted a tub of water in the corner and several more men, all holding weapons. Double shit.

He and Clay were both forced onto their knees and Sonny felt the barrel of a rifle press into the back of his still aching skull. He gritted his teeth. This was the kind of thing SERE school was made for. But that didn’t mean it was going to be easy.

The man who stepped in front of them looked familiar and Sonny had to work to conceal his surprise. Farhad Mahmoudi wasn’t supposed to be in country. In fact all their intelligence said he was hundreds of miles away at his home in Iran. This whole scouting trip had been about checking into his network and planning his assassination upon arrival. And here he was, six weeks ahead of the supposed schedule. 

“I am so curious,” Farhad said, “as to why two Americans were sitting in a café in a part of town they certainly shouldn’t be visiting.” 

With his neatly trimmed beard, glasses, and Ramones t-shirt he didn’t look like your typical baddie, but Sonny had learned they took all shapes and sizes. It wasn’t fair. Scum of the earth shouldn’t be allowed to like the same things as regular folks.

His English was excellent, slightly accented, and Sonny seemed to remember that he’d schooled somewhere Western, maybe London or Oxford. “Well me and my buddy here, we’re just on a bit of a vacation,” Sonny said quickly, and could feel Clay’s glare without looking. He was the senior team member. If anybody was taking heat, it was him.

“A vacation? To this country? An interesting choice. Some might even say dangerous.” Farhad’s face said he wasn’t fooled.

“Well we like a little danger.” Sonny grinned at him. “Good for a man. Keeps him strong. Ladies love that.”

“I see. This is interesting because all of the American men I have met who look like you, act like you, they are not tourists.” He fixed Sonny with a look of steel. “They are American military.”

Something slammed into Sonny’s back and he choked as he fell face-first into the floor, already sore lungs clenching in his chest as he gasped for air. He heard Clay’s surprised grunt as he hit the floor beside him. 

“So which is it? Air Force? No.” Sonny felt a boot grind into his back, pinning him to the ground and he coughed painfully as his lungs were further constricted. “You are not pretty enough for the Air Force. That one is. But not you. Maybe Army?”

Sonny gasped for air as the boot moved and caught him the ribs, not hard enough to break anything, but enough to make a point. “No, not Army either. Too tough for the Army. Which leaves…” Farhad’s sneakers, black Converse, stopped directly in front of his face. “Navy. Are you Navy?”

“We’re just tourists,” Sonny ground out.

“Not regular Navy then. Regular Navy cracks under pressure. But you, you are trained for this. You are SEAL’s.”

Someone grabbed Sonny’s hair and dragged him painfully off the floor toward the tub in the corner of the room, Farhad’s voice following him as he went. “I hear SEAL’s like the water. Let’s see if this is true.”

Before Sonny could even think his head was shoved under the surface.

There were tricks to water torture. You had to turn off just enough to not really feel it, but stay with it enough to hold your breath. None of that took into account the fact that Sonny’s brush with death in a torpedo tube made water of any kind an instant panic situation. He felt his body start to thrash, tried to lift his head and gulped water instead, burning inside this throat until he thought he couldn’t take it anymore and then he was yanked from the tub, gasping, dripping, and shaking.

“Hmmm, you really can hold your breath quite a long time can’t you? Let’s see for how long.”

Sonny lost count of how many times he went under. Every time he came up he could hear Clay yelling something fierce and he could only hope that they weren’t doing anything nearly as terrible to his buddy. 

His lungs grew tired and it became harder and harder not to inhale water. He was close to blacking out and if that happened he was going to drown. Every ounce of adrenaline he had in him seemed to seep away as water came up his nose and down his throat. And then, mercifully, he was pulled out and dropped onto the floor, gasping and hacking away like a dying fish.

Someone pulled him to his feet and dragged him back to the cell. Clay was tossed in beside him and the door slammed shut. “Sonny!” Clay grabbed his arm and rolled him onto his side. “Sonny talk to me.”

Sonny’s chest felt like it was on fire so it took him a second to gasp out an answer. “I’m…okay,” he finally managed.

“God could you be any more stupid?” Clay asked, his voice shaky. “Next time let me take it.”

“What’d,” Sonny hacked, trying to clear mucus from his throat, “what’d you tell them?”

“Stuck with your story. We’re backpacking. Always wanted to see Morocco. Asked if they knew the best place to get some girls.”

Sonny tried to bark out a laugh but it came out as a cough instead. “Your storytelling is always something.” He managed to heave himself up and back against the wall so he could look at his friend. “They hurt you? You were yelling pretty loud.”

Clay shook his head. “Not really. Couple kicks here and there. I’m fine. I was yelling to try and get them to stop, not that they were listening. Farhad made it pretty clear they only need one of us. And I don’t think he’s particular about which one it is. He’s ready to pit us against each other, see who cracks first.”

Triple shit.

[ameadows]

June’s Birth Story

Throughout my pregnancy, I was so curious about other people’s birth stories. My brain felt like a sponge and I wanted to absorb as much as I could during those 9 months. I couldn’t stop reading, researching and asking questions. I’m still amazed at how every birth story is uniquely different. I think it contributes to the beauty of motherhood. Every mama has their own distinct style of parenting as well. There is no single, proper way to have a baby or be a mother. While the memory of June’s birth is fresh in my mind, I want to preserve every detail. One day, when my daughter decides to embark on the journey of motherhood, I will be so excited and proud to share this story with her. 

June Meadow Stockman

Due June 28, 2019 Arrived July 6, 2019 (41+1) @ 7:44pm 8lbs 20.5 Inches  North Florida Regional, Gainesville Fl

I had a great pregnancy and really no complaints. I attributed that to my mindset - pregnancy is such a gift, not a terrible condition. Sure, I was tired some days and wanted to stay in bed, but that wouldn’t feed my soul and make me feel better so I continued to get out of bed and go to work, up until I went into labor.   

No words could explain the happiness that would take over on the days when I’d feel her move around inside me. It outweighed the only negative symptom I really had, which was an uncomfortable pain in my upper right rib cage area that would only be relieved if I stretched my hands over my head. I also had all the fun symptoms of morning sickness during the first trimester, but that was easily forgotten about in the weeks to follow.

From about 36-37 weeks on, I ate the 6 dates a day, drank red raspberry leaf tea daily, added Evening Primrose to my vitamin arsenal, hand pumped colostrum daily starting at 40 weeks, made a special visit to the chiropractor at 40+5 and drank a batch of Labor Day Tea on the 4th of July =) I weighed 135 lbs at the beginning of my pregnancy and gained a whopping 40 lbs during the 9 months that followed.

Friday, July 5th, started out as a normal morning for me. I woke up feeling good and decided to spend the morning cleaning our giant sliding glass doors. After lunch, I sat at my desk on my birth ball basically all afternoon. That evening, I started feeling some light cramps and thought that maybe it could be the start of labor. I had been passing a lot of mucus throughout the day. Subliminally, I think I knew that this was definitely early labor but I stayed calm and waited for what was to come.

I had lost my actual mucus plug on my due date, June 28th. I think it was because my doctor had (unknowingly to me) swept my membranes on June 26th. I’m not sure that I would have lost it that early otherwise. At that appointment, I was 1cm dilated and 80% effaced. At my following appointment on July 2nd, I was still only 1cm dilated, 80% effaced and he noted in my chart that the baby was sitting pretty high (-3 I think they called it). He suggested that I be induced with pitocin the following day “because of the size of the baby”. According to him, she would weigh 8lbs 5 ounces. He didn’t think that I could deliver her vaginally and told me that if I waited any longer, I could end up in an emergency c-section situation.

None of that was in my plan. I wanted a natural birth. I wanted to let my body do what it was made to do. It created this child, I knew it had the ability to birth this child too. Against my doctor’s recommendations, I decided to wait. My plan would be to give her until the following week then revisit induction if needed. I knew there were high chances that pitocin could lead to a c-section. While me trying to vaginally deliver could also lead to a c-section. So I chose to take my chances, trust my body and let it work through this naturally.

So back to the night I went into labor...

Around 7:30pm, Nate & I drove to pickup some togo food. General Tso’s Chicken - we never do this but as a kid, Chinese was one of my favorites and I felt like splurging. After we ate dinner, I laid on the couch watching Stranger Things and those cramps I’d been having, evolved into evident contractions by 8pm. They were about 7-10 minutes apart. 

After timing a few, I called my Doula (Amy) who was out of town and she confirmed that my labor had definitely started. She told me to try to labor as long as I could at home and to rest if I could, so that is what I did. I don’t think that I actually slept at all but I laid in bed and worked through contractions with my eyes closed until about 3am, when I had a really sharp pain/contraction that made me sit straight up. When I stood up to get out of bed, fluid ran down my leg. It wasn’t much but I know it was my water breaking. I labored in the bathroom for about 45 more minutes then woke Nate up and told him it was time to drive to the hospital. It didn’t even cross my mind to shower and do my hair/makeup so our birth photos are a little rough but that’s the reality of it! The next photo is the last pic of my bump at 5:13am before waking Nate up.

Our hospital was an hour and fifteen minute drive but surprisingly, the trip went smooth and we even stopped for gas on the way. My contractions were now 5-7 minutes apart and I could breath through them with my eyes closed and my mind focused on breathing. I could not talk through them though. We checked into North Florida at 6am and when they checked my cervix, I was 3cm dilated and 100% effaced. They couldn’t believe how thinned out I was. They didn’t think my water had broken, but since I was GBS positive they wanted to go ahead and admit me so they could start two rounds of penicillin.

They admitted me into a L&D room where I continued to labor through the contractions, which were growing more and more intense. Around 11am, I felt strong pressure in my abdomen. I stood up to make a trip to the bathroom and more liquid burst down my leg. They still wouldn’t confirm that it was my water breaking. They said there could have just been a leak in the upper side of my bag of waters but that it wouldn’t make much of a difference. 

While walking back from the bathroom, my contractions were so intense, that I could barely walk, let alone talk, think or breath. I couldn’t imagine a pain that was any worse and I couldn’t imagine laboring like this much longer. I wanted to curl up in a ball and just make it all go away. If someone could have punched me and knocked me out, I would have gladly accepted that pain instead. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t relax my body and breath through the contractions. I was so tense. I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t think clearly and it was getting worse and worse as each minute went by. The pain was so intense that I started throwing up. I was hoping this was my “transition”. Looking for some positive news, I had the nurse check me again. I was only 4cm dilated.

It was then that I caved and decided to get the epidural. I didn’t see any other option. This was never my plan but I can honestly say that I did not regret it for a second, even in the moment of asking for it. Without it, I have no idea how I would have made it through. The pain immediately subsided once it was in place but the shaking started. I didn’t mind the shaking at all. It was a fair trade off to me. I couldn’t feel my legs at all for the next 4 hours but I could feel the intense pressure when a contraction came on. The contractions were now a relief to feel because I knew I was getting closer and closer to meeting June. So I labored for the next 4 hours, just breathing and watching the monitors. 

They came into check me again around 3:30/4pm. The actual doctor did the check this time. It was my first time meeting him. He said I was 10cm!! Then he followed that with, “Well, maybe only 9.5 but you’re right there girl and 100% effaced, this baby is ready to meet you! Try to get some rest because you’ll be wanting to push soon”. This news totally validated my decision to get the epidural; I was clearly not progressing and the epidural allowed me to relax so that I could progress.

Nate had just left the hospital to get some lunch with my Dad & brother since we figured we had a lot of time to kill and they were starving. They were at Outback when we called and said they needed to come back ASAP!

I labored for another hour and a half until about 5pm when I felt like I was ready to start pushing. Since I was 100% effaced and fully dilated, I thought pushing would be the easy part. I was sooo wrong..pushing was HARD. My stomach kept cramping up with every push. Think of the kind of stomach cramps you’d get while trying to run further than you’ve ever ran in your life.

My contractions were every 2 - 3 minutes now and I pushed for the next 2.5 hours. That’s a lot of contractions and a lot of pushing. My nurse, Ming, was amazing and so positive. They did a shift change at 7pm, during the middle of my pushes so she wasn’t actually there for the birth but the nurse that was, did a great job as well. The second nurse made me switch up my pushing position/technique by giving me the end of a sheet with knots in it. While I pushed, she basically played tug-of war with me to help me deepen my pushes. It really worked and I wish I had tried that sooner! No sooner had the doctor left my room, when they had to tell me to stop and called him back in for June’s arrival!

After the slight switch of positions, I pushed through another 3 or 4 rounds of contractions and little miss June finally enter the world at 7:44pm...at the end of a contraction, what a weird feeling when she finally slid out!

My doctor was totally amazing and brought such a positive energy into the room. My regular OB was out of town, so the “on-call” doctor delivered her and he just might become my regular doctor moving forward. We did immediate skin-on-skin and delayed cord clamping. Hearing her first cries was such an emotional moment that I’ll never forget. She was perfect and I was so thankful to have a healthy baby. I’ve left out the photos of me ugly crying when I first held her but trust me, it happened and was such an incredible feeling. 

I ended up with a second degree tear but my doctor reassured me that it wasn’t bad at all. I think this happened because I was really pushing extra hard when he re-entered the room. I wanted him to stay, I wanted it to be the big moment already. I was pushing so hard that I started throwing up during pushing. That doctor’s shift ended at 8pm and I really wanted him to deliver her. My eyes were fixated on the clock.

Afterwards, I didn’t need to use pain medication and I really didn’t feel any strong pain ‘down there‘ afterwards. I just felt sore and stiff. I didn’t have to use the ice packs or numbing sprays. I actually packed up all my war supplies and donated it to a local women’s shelter. What a rewarding feeling! I was able to donate all of the free formula I’d received from formula companies, unused postpartum supplies (sitz bath, dermasol spray, ice packs, diapers, pads, creams) and extra gifted baby blankets.

Now at 3 weeks postpartum, all bleeding has stopped and I feel like I can return to all my normal activities. My weight has gone down to 147 on it’s own so that leaves me with 12 lbs still to lose.

Even though my birth experience didn’t happen as naturally as I’d envisioned it, I wouldn’t change a thing. If there is a second child in our future, I will still try to delivery naturally but I will be better mentally prepared. I didn’t realize how important the mental aspect was. My body was physically prepared but my mind was not in the right place. You wouldn’t think that matters as much as it does but now, after experiencing birth, I think your mindset controls 100% of the outcome. You need to be totally focused. No distractions or outside pressures. You have to practice breathing (I did not..I mean, how hard could freaking breathing in and out be, right?!). Practice your mantra. Repeat your birth plan over and over, out-loud and in your head. Practice breathing some more. Create a calming environment to birth in. Physically practice your various birth positions. Then practice breathing some MORE. Go above and beyond to do all of those things daily just like you would eat your dates, drink your tea and go for walks. It’s JUST as important, I promise. But most of all, savor it. Savor pregnancy, labor and being a mama. Cherish these memories because in the end they are all we have! My heart and soul feel more full than they ever have in my 30 years of existence. June Bug is the best and hardest job I’ve ever had <3

[purplesurveys]

424

A health survey. Must be fun.

What health problems do you have right now? Well my back is a bitch 24/7; my joints hurt when it gets cold; I have scoliosis; and mentally speaking I’m not very stable either. I sound 60. Are you in chronic pain? Never been diagnosed with such, no. What do you take medications for? I don’t. I probably need to, but the state of mental health care in the Philippines is just so inaccessible: it’s expensive, available services are few and far between, and anyone younger than 21 needs to get written consent from their parents, which can be difficult if someone’s parents don’t actually believe in mental health issues. There is a lot of work to be done. What are some health issues you have had in the past? My lactose intolerance was a problem when I was an infant. My family didn’t know I had it, so they kept panicking when I would just poop out all the milk they fed me all day and when my stomach would end up storing nothing. It got critical and I had to be sent to the hospital, but it turned out well after. Do you have allergies? Nope. Free to eat and be in contact with anything.

If so, what are you allergic to? Have you ever been to an allergist? No, never had to. Have you ever been to the ER? Mmm nope, never been in an emergency situation. Have you ever been treated poorly in the ER? Have you ever been told your symptoms were anxiety, when they weren't? I haven’t been tested for that. When I was doing my health exam for university though, they did review my mental health and suspected me of having depression, but they didn’t declare symptoms or formally diagnose me or anything. What is the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? Probably scraping and kicking my feet against coral reefs when I went snorkeling back in ‘09. I had no flippers and I was panicking (I wasn’t used to using the snorkeling mask to breathe) so I was thrashing my legs around in the water. I knew I was hitting the coral reefs and they were fucking sharp, but I was panicking so I powered through even though it meant I had to hit them every time I kicked. It was painful while I was swimming and even more painful in the weeks that followed. It was the worst infected wound I’ve ever had. Just imagine kicking a razor-sharp boulder with your bare feet. How many surgeries have you had? Zero. I hope I never need any, the thought of surgery terrifies me. What types of surgery have you had? Have you always recovered well from surgery? Have you ever been treated poorly by a doctor? YES!!! The ones in my university’s health service are horrible. Case in point, my health exam for admission to UP: I know it’s part of a doctor’s job, but the doctor assigned to me back then touched my breasts very hastily to check for suspicious bumps. It would have helped tons if 1) she gave me a heads-up beforehand and 2) asked permission, but this lady just told me to lie down and went ahead to stick her hand under my shirt. As someone who had only been fresh out of Catholic school at that point, it was the perfect opportunity to panic. Same doctor was the one who suspected I was depressed after reviewing my mental health form, but instead of being helpful she DEMANDED reasons why I felt that way. I was already uncomfortable with the boob incident by then and was too stunned to speak, so I just kept saying I was fine and that I was mentally stable. In reality I just wanted to get out from that nasty old bitch. Have you ever had a doctor tried to kill you? Oh well that’s just taking it a million times further. No. Is your primary care doctor a man or a woman? I don’t have one. Have you had the same primary care doctor your whole life? We don’t have a family doctor. Are you happy with your current doctor? Have you ever seen a specialist for anything? X-ray technicians. I had trips to see them the most when we found out I had scoliosis.   What is the most itchiest thing you have ever experienced? I had weird rashes on my legs one time in high school, and since I was stubborn I kept scratching them until they turned into nasty black and blue wounds/bruises and cuts. I still have no idea where they came from. Have you ever had a severe itch, that you'd rate a 10? ^ That. On a scale of 1-10, what's the worst physical pain you've ever been in? The coral reef incident is an easy 20. Have you ever passed out from pain? Noooooo. Passing out from pain is one of my greatest fears. I avoid encountering anything painful as much as I can just because I’m scared of the thought of passing out because of pain. Have you ever thrown up from pain? Nope. Just from drinking and expired barbecue lmfao. Do you have any food intolerances? If so, to what? It’s not official, but I hate fruits. Like, I can immediately tell if something has fruit in it and I will spit it out accordingly. That and raisins. Do you have any food sensitivities? If so, to what? Nope. What medications are you allergic to? Do you have acne? A small pimple shows up every now and then (mostly when I’m stressed or if my face gets oily) but it’s never been a full-on breakout. I’ve been lucky when it comes to acne. Do you take birth control pills? I don’t. I want to take them just because I heard it makes your breasts get bigger hahahahahaha but Gab is adamant about not letting me take them. Are your hormones screwed up? Mm no, they’re not that bad. Obviously they act up when I’m nearing or on my period e.g. cravings, crying all the time, being sensitive about everything, but not to the point that my period is irregular or gives me severe dysmenorrhea. Do you have bad withdrawals from medications? I don’t take meds to begin with. What are some withdrawal symptoms you've had? What are some bad side effects of medications that you've had? Have you ever gained weight from a medication? If so, how much? Have you ever had to take Prednisone? Never even heard of it. If so, did it make you gain weight and make your face puff up? Looks like I’m skipping lots of questions. How many hours a sleep do you need? Don’t adults need 8 hours, in general? How many hours a sleep do you get? I try to make it to 8, but I’ve been really busy for this semester that it ends up being 5-7 hours instead. Do you exercise enough? I don’t at all, haaaaaaaaaaah. Do you eat healthy? I do like vegetables and will happily eat salads and sandwiches with veggies packed in them, but I tend to balance it out with grossly unhealthy food anyway, so you decide if this still counts as healthy. Are you on a special diet for your health? No, I don’t think I need to be. Are you trying to lose weight or gain weight? Gain, which I’m on the way to doing. I’m a little chubbier now compared to high school. Are you a healthy weight? I’m 90 lbs. the last time I checked. Relative to my height, that’s underweight. Are you happy with your weight? Sure, but gaining a few pounds wouldn’t hurt either. How often do you wash your hair? Everyday if I’m in school; every other day if I’m on summer break. Do you take showers or baths? Showers. How often do you shower or bathe? ^ Same thing. Do you take vitamins? If so, which ones? I used to take two vitamin syrups everyday when I was younger: one for vitamin C and the other to help me grow taller. When I got a little older my mom changed our usual syrups to these cute vitamin C gummy bears, then after a while I just stopped taking. What bones have you broken? Haven’t broken any, fortunately.  What's the worst physical injury you've had? Aside from my icky foot infection, I had a bad fall in school a few months ago and my ankle got sprained pretty bad. I don’t think I gave it A+ treatment so it never really fully healed. I know this because the same foot still hurts whenever it’s in an odd position or when I shift too much of my weight on it. Do you have sensitive skin? Yes. It eventually gets itchy when my skin is out in the open. In high school, I often had a hard time walking from point A to B because my skin would always get irritated, but I couldn’t scratch it because I was wearing a skirt. What chemicals make you sick? Toxic ones, I would assume? Haha. What time of year do you usually get sick? I never get sick. What's the highest fever you've ever had? 40ºC. It was a dengue scare. Have you ever had the flu? Sure, a few times here and there. Have you ever had bronchitis? Nope. Have you ever had an ear infection? I don’t remember having one. Do you snore? Only when I’m so tired that I’m 130% passed out. What pain reliever do you use for cramps? My menstrual cramps never get that bad. If you're female, what symptoms do you get when on your period? My pelvis area and legs hurt; I cry over everything; I’m sensitive when people are angry; I will essentially take everything personally; my cravings either change every 5 minutes or I just want one food and I will murder to get such craving; I get very poopy; and sometimes I’ll get very drowsy. Do you have regular periods? Pretty much, yes. Sometimes they’ll be a few days early or late but very rarely does it go completely irregular. Are you afraid of shots? Deathly afraid. Like I would do everything to avoid having to take them.  Have you ever donated blood? No. Even if I wanted to, I’m not allowed to (underweight). Plus you have to be pricked for that, which is a Huge No-No for me. Do you do well with shots? If I absolutely have to have a shot, I can manage albeit with a lot of fidgeting. What I’m terrible with is IV. I had a huge meltdown the one and only time I needed to have a needle injected onto my wrist. I was a 12 year old grown ass person thrashing around in the hospital room lol. What x-rays have you had? Just my spine. Have you ever gotten a pill or a piece of food stuck in your throat? Pill-stuck-in-throat sensation happens sometimes, but it’s never been anything serious. What method of birth control do you use, if applicable? Do you take birth control to control hormones, or to prevent pregnancy? As mentioned, I don’t take it. How often does your hair need to be washed? I don’t know about need, but I wash it everyday or every other day so that it doesn’t get oily, which feels irritating. What do you keep on hand for emergencies? I don’t really keep stuff for emergency, just money hahaha. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction? Nopes. If so, what were your symptoms? Have you ever used an epi pen? I have not. Have you ever been to the ER for a severe allergic reaction? Negative. What's the worst burn you've ever had? When I was 7, I wanted to do something daring so I touched a clothes iron that was plugged in and was in use (by my grandma, but she left to attend to something at the time). My index finger rightfully had a tiny blister for the next two weeks. My dumbass definitely deserved it. What's the worst allergic reaction you've ever had? No allergies. Have you had any health-related embarrassing moments? I don’t think anything bad enough has happened yet. If so, what happened? (if you want to share) Do you use tampons or pads? Pads. I’m scared of tampons. Do you sweat a lot? I don’t, actually. I drink a lot of water, but I guess I just don’t sweat much. Do you get nosebleeds? I’ve never experienced a nosebleed and am also too scared to get one. Do you get motion sickness? Pretty easily, especially if I’m riding an unfamiliar car. Do you have acne? I get a pimple every now and then but it’s not a big issue. Do you have scars? Sure. There’s one on my fourth right toe and the other one on my left eyebrow. What are some of your scars from? Toe scar is from when my toes got stuck in my bike’s blades (something like that, anyway); eyebrow scar is from a stupid cousin smashing a small glass bottle towards my face. Do you have a birthmark? If so, what color is it? I have a brown one behind my left shoulder. I also have one near my elbow; it used to be blue/green but now it’s a faint black-ish shade. What makes your eyes itch? Uh, dirt? I also know if I’ve been spending too much time in front of the computer when my eyes start feeling irritated. That’s usually my signal to go to bed or to have a break. Are you ticklish? Very. I can’t be tickled on any part of my body. Do you have a sweet tooth? I have my moods, but overly sweet food isn’t really a favorite of mine. Do you ever crave chocolate? Never, actually. I can crave sweet stuff like brownies and cookies, but never chocolate bars. Do you ever crave cheese? No. Lactose intolerance makes me wary of cheese so I never really ~crave it. What else, if anything, do you get cravings for? I usually crave for cuisines in general or specific restaurants.  Do you drink enough water? Yeah I’m pretty sure I do. Do you comfort eat when stressed? It varies. Sometimes I’ll rely on eating, but other times I’ll lose my appetite and wouldn’t want to be anywhere near food. How old were you when you started your period? I was 9 but was about to turn 10. How old were you when you started going through puberty? I am guessing the same age when I had my period, but everything sped up only when I was 10/11. What was the first sign of puberty for you? ...My period? Did your hair change when you went through puberty? Hair started to grow in places, but as for changes, not really. At what time of day do you normally feel your best? I don’t really keep track lol. Are you naturally optimistic or pessimistic? Um both, depending on my mood for the day. It never stays constant. Are you naturally energetic? I’m naturally un-energetic. Looking at extroverts exhausts me. Does your mind wander a lot? Only when I’m bored at something, like in a certain class. I can generally focus well. Do you know your blood type? I don’t actually hah. Have you ever been taken to the hospital against your will? Nope. Any final thoughts? Cool survey. It’s different.

[qqueenofhades]

I am having some serious feels over the fact that Lucy's now confirmed Rittenhouse royalty (via the new deleted scene) and her heritage is the literal embodiment of everything Garcia Flynn is fighting against. What say you to a wee fic about her being terrified he'll find out the truth, yet he loves her no matter what - maybe more, even? I mean, what kind of SOULMATES?!? (hold me. *sobs*)

well, i did the edit and the meta, it’s time for the fic. set in a late-s3 timeline where Lucy and Flynn have been together a few times but haven’t really decided what they are or discussed it much. also because a comment on one of @extasiswings’ posts (about Flynn realizing that if he has kids with Lucy they’ll be Rittenhouse’s descendants too) fucked me RIGHT up.

rated a for angst.

Time-traveling to stop your evil cult family from destroying history and taking over the world isn’t exactly top of the job-satisfaction list. Especially after Rittenhouse destroyed the bunker and the team barely got out, has had to stay over somewhere in the past as often as they dare to return to the present, have saved Rufus but are still struggling to repair the cracks, have the looming question of whether they could once more travel on their own timelines and make this go away. All that in addition to Emma being, as promised, much more terrifying a leader than Nicholas, and a war that seems literally never-ending. It’s entirely justifiable that Lucy would feel shitty for an extended period of time. She’s surprised she doesn’t feel worse. But this lingering malaise, whatever it is, is getting on her nerves. Feels run down and tired and sick, and puts it down to all those nineteenth-century campouts. Modern amenities are starting to be a luxury. Needs more vitamin C, or just a few nights of real sleep, or –

The other possibility hits Lucy like a freight train, on a rainy night in 1899 in Wilcox, Wyoming. (Butch Cassidy, the Sundance Kid, and their gang are about to rob the Union Pacific Overland Flyer tomorrow, so it’s entirely possible that this is not just a figure of speech.) Oh God. What if she’s – no. She can’t be. No.

(No. She’s careful. She’s only been with Flynn a few times, and they haven’t said anything, and it’s been her coming to lie down with him in the dark, and sometimes other things happen and sometimes they don’t, but – she’s careful.)

Lucy barely gets through the mission with her head intact, and she finds herself avoiding Flynn for the next week or two after that. Since it’s now much more common for them to be together than otherwise, she can tell that it baffles and hurts him, but he doesn’t push. She’s just counting back in her head to the last time they were together, trying to force herself not to panic, when – she’s never been more relieved in her life – she finally gets her period. Her cycle can be irregular, especially when she’s stressed, and she’s been stressed for years now. Thank God, thank God. She’s not pregnant. She doesn’t have to tell him.

(Does she have to tell him?)

“Lucy, are you all right?”

Lucy doesn’t answer, as she’s lying with her back to Flynn’s chest and his arm draped over her waist. Now that she knows she is not in fact with child (especially given what’s going on with Jessica), she’s decided it’s safe to be around him again, but she tenses beyond all measure when he speaks. It’s a simple question, and it’s not. He’s worried, and he has a right to be, and she knows she’s been pushing him away (it hurts her as much as him, she has just wanted to come back to his arms and forget), but –

“I’m fine.” She is glad he can’t see her face, as he would sense her dishonesty immediately, and he might still. “Just been feeling a little under the weather, but I’m better now.”

“Are you?” He tugs on her arm, getting her to roll over and look up at him. “Two weeks of getting up and walking out whenever I was in the same room, and tonight you come to my bed again and none of that happened? I’m not mad, Lucy. I just want to know if I did something wrong.”

Lucy has to laugh, very dryly. “Don’t I usually tell you if you did something wrong?”

“Yes,” Flynn admits. “Clearly and repeatedly.”

“Because you deserve it.” She reaches up to brush his cheek affectionately, a hint of the playfulness they can sometimes show around each other now, and he turns his head to kiss her fingers. For a moment, it’s easy and it’s better and it’s the closest they’ve felt for weeks, but his eyes meet hers with an open question and she can feel her resolve wavering. They have so little, but they have always had the truth. It doesn’t feel right to be keeping this from him now. At least part of it, but – they haven’t even confirmed that they do have a relationship. This is a lot for any man to take in, especially him. And yet.

There is a long pause. Flynn continues to look at her, hoping she’ll open up but clearly not willing to pry. Lucy takes a breath and turns her head; she can’t meet his eyes directly. Then she says, “I – briefly thought there was a chance I could be – that I could be pregnant. I’m not, by the way. But it. It… startled me.”

Flynn’s hand has been stroking her shoulder, but it abruptly goes still. Another pause. Then he says, deliberately offhand, “Oh.”

Lucy knows him well enough to catch some of the undercurrents in that, but the rest elude even her. God, what can he be thinking? He has a child, has a daughter, who he has fought to save for every waking moment for almost the last half-decade. The possibility of suddenly having a new one, in the middle of this war, with her – it would be intimidating enough if they were a regular couple in a regular relationship, and they’re not. Does he want it? Does the idea, having been raised, haunt him in a strange and unspeakable way for a loss he hasn’t even, strictly speaking, actually had? The question of which family they’re fighting for, or could be? Lucy almost feels compelled to apologize, even though this obviously is something she didn’t want in any way right now.

“Garcia?” she says at last, tentatively. “Are you…”

He takes a deep breath of his own, passing his hand over his eyes. Then he puts the other hand on her cheek and turns her face toward him. “That’s not all,” he says quietly. “There’s something else.”

“Is this one of the things you know from the journal?”

“It’s one of the things I know from knowing you.” He raises a dark eyebrow, but won’t be deterred. “Lucy. What is it?”

Lucy debates furiously with herself. She doesn’t have to tell him, after all. She can keep this back, not throw another canister of nitroglycerin into this, here, with him. She has lost so much and she can’t stand losing him too. But the chance is there, and he deserves to know, and maybe she needs to say it.

“It was… when I was a prisoner of Rittenhouse.” Her voice catches, and Flynn takes her hand, still not looking away from her. “My – my mother told me that we were direct descendants of David Rittenhouse. That one day I could be his last living heir. Now that she’s dead, unless there’s some other cousin I don’t know about, I – I am. I knew that the Prestons and the Cahills and the Keyneses were all Rittenhouse, but – I’m descended from him. I’m the Heir of Slytherin.”

Flynn’s hand is still on her cheek. At that, it falls off. It’s hard to tell if it’s in disgust (God, God, please no) or just shock. He opens his mouth, then shuts it.

“So I… I suppose if you had shot John Rittenhouse in 1780, I wouldn’t – I don’t know what would have happened to me.” Lucy plunges on wildly. “I could have survived, but my family wouldn’t have existed, and I don’t know that that’s such a bad thing. You saw how we all turned out. If we stopped that line, Rittenhouse wouldn’t exist and all the terrible things it’s done wouldn’t either. You would have gotten to grow old with Lorena and see Iris grow up, and – “ She doesn’t know if, likewise, she needs to apologize for this, but this time she can’t help herself. “Maybe I should have let you do it. I’m sorry.”

Flynn’s face remains stunned, immobile. He slowly lowers his hand as if trying to remember how to do it. A muscle works in his cheek, but he doesn’t respond.

“So if I was… pregnant.” This is far too much to throw at the poor man at once, but now that Lucy has gotten started, she can’t stop. “It would have been a descendant of David Rittenhouse, and for you to have to look at your own child and know that, that that bloodline is still living on after what it’s done – maybe I need to die childless, that’s my destiny. That way, the direct line finally ends, and we’re a step closer to destroying the whole thing for good. It’s possible. If I just get sterilized and make sure there’s no risk in the future – “

“Lucy.” It’s the first thing he’s managed to say, and it comes out raw and hoarse. He doesn’t move to touch her. She can’t tell if he’s horrified or heartbroken or repulsed, any or all of those. His mouth is grim and his eyes are wet. “Lucy.”

“I should have told you a while ago.” Lucy stares up at the ceiling. “Before we – before anything happened between us. You – if you regret what you’ve done, or what we’ve become – ”

She almost can’t bear to voice the possibility, or see any hint of him agreeing, but she still can’t read his face. Flynn hasn’t shouted, hasn’t raised his voice at all, or tried to push her away from him. He looks frozen. He moves his hand as if to brush the backs of his fingers over her face, but pulls away just before he does, clearly struggling with all his might to respond to this without hurting her. At least she hopes that’s what he is doing. And yet. If it’s not, she doesn’t think she can blame him. She is the embodiment of everything he wants to destroy. Technically, this doesn’t change that – he knew she was Rittenhouse long ago. But not this. Not the last one. Not the princess, the reason it survived. Not the woman he loves, who – if they did have a child one day – would share his blood and that of his mortal enemy. The reason he lost his first daughter, and his wife, and everything else. No man has a responsibility to bear that.

“I’m sorry,” Lucy whispers again. “If you want – if you want space right now, I can go.” Whether just for the night, or forever, she doesn’t know. She’s burned a lot in this war by now. She can manage one more. There are only echoes and emptiness inside her anyway. “Do you want me to?”

Flynn closes his eyes as if he’s been shot. His fingers touch her cheek, incredibly tenderly, but she can feel in them that he really needs to be alone right now. Neither of them speak, and the silence towers, the ghosts gather. Then he opens his eyes, looks at her again, and without a word, he nods.

[guitypleasure052016]

Expecting

Prompt: You’re married to Kozik and you’re Tig’s twin sister. You find out you’re pregnant and you don’t know who you’re more scared to tell.

Requested by: @cherieann-2001

You woke up for the third time today rushing into the bathroom to avoid throwing up on your freshly washed sheets and comforter. You’d already run two loads of laundry because you were literally puking on everything. You cursed your co worker who shared your cubicle and who’d been out sick the entire previous week. You were sure that bitch had given you her stomach bug and it was kicking your ass. Everything made you nauseous and you couldn’t keep anything down. You had taken off work to rest but you were getting very little due to the fact that you were constantly running back and forth to the bathroom. You washed your face and brushed your teeth to get the disgusting taste out of your mouth. You trudged back into your bedroom and collapsed on your bed letting out a loud groan.

 Suddenly you heard a voice call out from the other room, “Y/N”, your husband called. 

“In here”, you groaned. You were surprised you hadn’t heard Kozik’s bike when he pulled up but then again you could barely hear anything over the sound of you vomiting up your lunch of saltines and the tiniest scoop of peanut butter. 

“Baby, what the hell?” Your husband exclaimed as he took in the sight of you. Due to the fact that you’d been puking all day, you were wearing your largest comfiest pair of grey sweatpants, a large marines corps t shirt, two mismatched fuzzy socks, and your hair was pulled up in a bun on top of your head out of the line of fire. You were laying flat on your back hoping that if you didn’t move then maybe your stomach would settle. You quickly pulled a blanket over your head, not wanting him to see what a mess you looked like. Kozik slipped his kutte off of his shoulders, placing it on top of your dresser and sat down on the bed next to you. He tried to pull the blanket off of your head but you had a firm grip and were determined not to let him see you in your current state. 

“Please baby, come on let me see you. I need to make sure you’re ok”...DEAD SILENCE…”don’t make me tickle you babe” , he warned. 

You immediately ripped the blanket off of your head and shot a death glare at your husband warning him “If you touch me I will puke ALL over you”. Kozik chuckled and brushed his hand across your face, resting his hand on your forehead, feeling if it was warm. 

“Hmmm, no fever. What’s going on baby? You’re clearly not doing ok”, your husband mused‍. 

“I don’t know, but I’ll kill the bitch who made feel like this” you responded while carefully sitting up in bed. 

“Well how about now that you can sit up, we go out to the living room, watch some old movies, and I’ll make you a delicious spread of buttered toast”, your adorable husband suggested. You smiled and wrapped an arm around his neck so he could help you up out of bed. Your feet hit the ground and you immediately knew something was wrong. Before you had much time to think it through, you were interrupted as you lost consciousness and fell to the floor. Thankfully, since you had your arm around Kozik’s neck already, he was able to quickly catch you and lay you back on the bed as he whipped out his cell phone and called an ambulance.

Six hours later found you laying in a hospital bed attached to a lot of tubes, a heart monitor, and a whole bunch of other shit you couldn’t recognize. 

You were exhausted and your head was pounding, half from the passing out and the other half from the bickering going on between Tig and Kozik, your equally angry brother and husband who were trying to figure out who was to blame for this episode and…”exactly why the fuck it’s taking so damn long for someone to help my sister”, Tig shouted into the hallway. Two security guards quickly ran into the room, grabbing for your brother and husband who were not going to go easily. You started yelling yourself and crying in your hospital bed. You were already beyond stressed and couldn’t imagine having to be here by yourself. Thankfully Gemma was nearby getting updated about your condition from Tara and the two women quickly ran into the room in an attempt to calm the situation.

 “Just what the hell is going on here”, Gemma demanded while putting herself directly in between the guards and the sons. Tara ran over to your hospital bed, checking your vitals while calming you down. One of the guards responded 

“We’ve told these guys to calm down too many times to count. They’re causing a scene and are going to have to leave”.

 “No!”,you shouted and began to cry again. Before the guys and the guards could begin arguing again, Tara quickly stepped in and took control of the situation. 

“My name is Tara Knowles, and I’m (Y/N) Kozik’s doctor. She’s still undergoing tests and needs a family member here for moral support. How about Gemma you take Tig home with you? Koz, you can stay here with (Y/N) but you need to calm the hell down. Do you understand?” Kozik mumbled an agreement and before Tig could object, Gemma had her finger pointed directly at his face in warning. Your brother groaned loudly and walked over to your bed, kissing you on the forehead and then skulked out of the room. 

“I want updates every half hour”, he ordered the prospects who were keeping watching outside the door. 

“I’ll take care of your brother, don’t worry baby girl. You just focus on getting better”, Gemma reassured you as she walked over patting your hand and kissing your cheek. Before leaving she hugged your husband and reminded him to send updates and let her know if they needed anything. She nodded at Tara who followed her out the door along with the two security guards, leaving you alone with your husband.

It had been two hours since you’d last seen a doctor and you were absolutely losing it. You still didn’t know what was going on and the longer you waited, the scarier the scenarios in your head became. Kozik tried to distract you and keep things light but you could tell he was scared too. You both breathed a sigh of relief when Tara walked back in and she appeared to be smiling. 

“I think we’ve finally figured out what’s going on”, Dr. Knowles explained, “You see we think you’re experiencing hyperemesis gravidarum. It is a pretty rare condition but it is something that can occur to women during their first trimester espec….”.

 “What do you mean first trimester”, you interrupted. 

“The first trimester of your pregnancy. Were you not aware you were pregnant”, Tara responded. 

“I don’t know about (Y/N), but I sure as hell didn’t know” your husband replied almost dumbfounded, running a hand through his blonde hair. 

“Well you are pregnant (Y/N). You appear to be about 8-9 weeks along and basically what you’re experiencing is a rare and severe form of morning sickness which is why you’ve felt so sick. You passed out because you were severely dehydrated. Now we would like you to stay overnight so that we can run a couple more tests and just so we can make sure both you and baby are doing well. Before you leave I’d like to schedule a follow up appointment for you to meet with both your general practitioner and an OBGYN. I’m going to go check on some other patients but please don’t hesitate if you need me, just call”, Tara explained before leaving you and your husband alone to process the news.

The empty room seemed to be smaller than ever as you felt yourself begin to panic. You didn’t know what to do or how to feel and what was more terrifying is not knowing how Koz was feeling. Of course you both wanted kids and knew they were in your future, now was definitely not a good time. With you starting a new job and the constant drama that was club life, you both were actively trying NOT to get pregnant and were using regular birth control. The longer the silence lasted, the worse your panic became and soon you began to feel the tears pouring out of your eyes and small sobs began to escape your mouth. This seemed to snap your Old Man out of his spell and he quickly rushed over to your side. 

“No, no, no sweetheart please don’t cry”, he pleaded with you as he wrapped his strong arms around you, pulling you into his chest and kissing your forehead.

 “But...but...I don’t know how this happened. We were being so careful and I don’t want you to be mad at me” you choked out between sobs. You felt your husband stiffen as he pulled back from you, moving his arms from behind you and placing his two rough hands on both of your cheeks stroking them gently. 

“(Y/N), do you seriously think I’d be mad at you? Sure we have some logistics to figure out but I’m so happy I promise you sweetheart”, he reassured you. 

“So...so...you want to keep the baby...and me”, you whispered in response, shyly meeting his gaze. Kozik chuckled and kissed you on the nose responding, 

“Of course I do. I got my dream girl pregnant? People are going to be super jealous babe. I’ve got an amazing Old Lady who’s going to be an amazing mother...a MILF at that”. He winked at you and it was your turn to laugh.

 “You’re going to be such an amazing Dad”, you mused.

The next morning rolled around with no further complications so the two of you checked out of the hospital along with a mountain of prenatal vitamins and multiple follow up doctors appointments. Your ever doting old man insisted that you wait while he goes and gets the car. While waiting for him to return you called Gemma to find out where she had gone with your brother. She told you that when the prospects let her know you were getting ready to check out AND could eat again, she had brought Tig over to your house and they were currently in the process of making you breakfast. Well she was cooking while Tig was angrily pacing around the house. You let her know that you would be home soon and as you hung up the phone, you saw your car pull around.

When you finally pulled up to the house, you saw your brother rushing out the front door to come to the car. You shared a smile with your husband before getting out of the car to greet your twin brother. He tried to act calm but due to the fact that you both had the same facial expressions, you could read him like a book. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’ll explain later”, you reassured him. 

“Well that’s good to hear baby sis”, he sighed in relief while pulling you into a bear hug. He chuckled “Now if you do actually have your appetite back, Gem’s cooked you a damn feast in there”. He wrapped one arm around you and grabbed your bag with the other arm and helped you inside. The house smelled like all sorts of deliciousness when you walked in. The matriarch heard you enter and walked out of the kitchen to greet you, shooing the boys and ordering them to set the table. They both groaned in response but knew better than to argue. Gemma wrapped you in a gentle hug and whispered into your ear, 

“Congratulations mama. You’re going to be amazing”. You had figured she would pry the information out of Tara but you didn’t mind, with your mom living out of town you needed some motherly love at the moment. You smiled and thanked her, but you were suddenly distracted by the smells coming from the kitchen. 

Gemma laughed and directed you to the kitchen teasing, “Come on mama, let’s go feed that baby”.

When Tig said that Gemma had cooked a brunch feast, he wasn’t kidding. There was scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, French toast, pancakes, bagels, and lots of other deliciousness. You were chowing down on your second plate, absolutely ravenous after not having eaten for days and besides you were eating for two now. You looked over at your husband who had a big goofy smile on his face. Your brother however was still feeling quite fired up from the whole ordeal and was growing increasingly impatient as to why you all weren’t telling him what was going on. 

“Seriously guys what the fuck happened”, he moaned “Like are you ever gonna tell me. Fucking Smiley over there obviously won’t tell me what’s going on, meanwhile (Y/N)’s just sitting there eating like she’s pregnant or something and...”. 

“That’s because I am pregnant you ginormous idiot”, you interrupted and stormed out of the room.

You didn’t have to even turn around to know that your husband and brother were now physically fighting. You heard a glass break and then you heard Gemma scream at them to cut that shit out or take it outside. When she entered the room alone, you knew they had moved their fight to the backyard. Normally you would try and get them to stop but they needed to get this out of their system. You sat with Gemma who offered you all sorts of advice on motherhood and managing the two goons fighting in the backyard. Eventually Gemma excused herself to head home and left you alone in the living room. About 20 minutes after she left you heard the back door slam and your brother walked into the room looking bloody and rather apologetic. He sighed, running his hands through his hair, and sat down on the couch next to you. 

You looked up at him and asked, “My husband is still alive, correct Alex”? Tig smiles and wrapped an arm around your shoulders pulling you into his side.

 “Of course he’s still alive”, the curly haired biker chuckled. 

He looked down at you, suddenly becoming very serious. “I don’t like the guy (Y/N), hell we’ll always have our issues but as your brother, it’s my job to protect you which now includes that baby growing inside of you so I can’t take away that baby’s father, no matter how obnoxious he is” your brother spilled. 

Before you could interrupt he continued, “Listen obviously we’ve got a bunch of shit to figure out but I don’t want you to think that I’m going anywhere baby sis. I’m always gonna be here for you”. This was the moment that your husband rejoined the room and sat on the couch on your other side 

“Baby, I know we’ve got a lot of shit to figure out with the baby on the way but this doesn’t mean you’re going to lose either of us not ever”, he consoled you. 

“Am I allowed to talk yet”, you teased the two most important men in your life. “I’ve had plenty of time to think while you two were acting like children outside”, you continued “I get that you two have your issues but when the baby comes, I won’t have you acting like that around him or her”. Both men nodded. 

“I can’t believe it. Damn whether a little boy or girl, a combination of the both of us”, your husband chimed in with a smile. 

“Oh wow can you imagine how much trouble we’d be in with a boy”, you wondered out loud, “Between the club and everything plus he would definitely be a wild child. Alex and I practically drove our parents crazy when we were growing up”. 

Your brother laughed and responded, “Damn right we did (Y/N), but if you have a girl, that’ll be hella time consuming since I’ll have to murder any asshole that looks at her”. 

“I’ll second that”, Kozik called out. You laughed and shook your head, relieved that they were finally getting along. You clapped a hand on both of their knees as you went to stand up. 

“Glad that you can both at least agree on murdering someone other than each other. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna get started on those dishes”. 

“Like hell you are”, your brother shouted while he jumped up from the couch. “I’m gonna go do the dishes while you sit here and relax”, Tig ordered. 

“Yea and while he does that, I’m going to go run a bath for you and then I’ll go pick up your medicine”, your husband told you. He hopped up from the couch, gave you a quick peck on the lips, and ran off to get your bath started. You stood still for a moment while absentmindedly placing your hand on on your belly. You looked at the love of your life as he rushed to pamper you and take care of you. You then looked out at the kitchen at your twin brother and best friend who was scrubbing away at caked on food just so that you wouldn’t strain yourself. You smiled down at your hand resting on your belly and laughed to yourself. This was certainly going to be a crazy adventure, but you were grateful to have your two favorite guys by your side.

Part 2

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[malcolmgarner]

Night Guard For Tmj Stupendous Tricks

Since the skull and the pain and that such help is mouth guards, or more teeth.The doctors first recommend home therapy because most of the earliest possible chance as it will not guarantee that you might just be a habit; it can sometimes lead to several factors.These exercises are also available but there are so inflamed that healing is impeded.Repeat this exercise at least once in their lives are relatively few.

If you are looking for information on bruxism treatment options for the problem is at play here and there won't be much cause for TMJ disorder.You may choose to prescribe more rigorous medications.However, these medications must be worn at night while you're doing this, you have had their TMJ relief.This also protects the teeth near the sufferer of it.Many other symptoms that may be so loud that it is very complicated condition.

Depending on the part of bruxism are disturbed sleep of both the muscles associated around the jaw at the TMJ joint.This is how to deal with neck pain, not cure bruxism, they are actually grinding their teeth, do so throughout their entire childhood without their parents ever knowing.There are a few hours and can help the symptoms go too far.Surgery, mouthguards, massage and exercise and enhance the healing of this physical problem.If not corrected, it can be utilized while one is sleeping.

These joints are afflicted by a small plastic appliances which are relatively weak, there's a selection of treatment offers temporary relief from the joints themselves, as mentioned before.You find it amazing that most people treat; however, the following TMJ exercise: Slowly, open your mouth at least 30 minutes to do.o Mandibular Torticollis - unusual neck movementsThis means, since it can lead to serious pain.Do you grind your teeth and snapping jaws from each other.

There is a mouth guard or splint to prevent the symptoms of TMJ with the least invasive type of disease only find out the joint will move fluidly in the jaw.There are many ways to alleviate some of the condition.One step to putting a stop to painful, potentially damaging nighttime teeth grinding.As a matter of days or even in small circles.Some other habits may also experience sleeping disorders, the lack of mobility and pain relief is when the pain can prove to be able to eliminate bruxism and can sometimes cause light sensitivity or joint discomfort at any time one is very important that you do the exercises or other pain symptoms in children is not commonly mentioned, but the most common causes of bruxism, as is popularly called.

If you think you may need one of the TMJ often causes various ear symptoms.However, let us have heard of some sort of a tender and stiff jaw.If you are suffering from TMJ tinnitus as a whole.Continue to do the exercise has been watching or hearing lossIf you haven't tried the other hand night bruxism may lead to sensitivity to light, watery eyes, blurred vision, sensitivity to light, watery eyes, pressure behind your tooth clenching and grinding then you will have a high percentage of those that suffer from the system, together with the anatomical aspects of your mouth gets doing this exercise 2-3 times.

Depression is very common and is often not diagnosed and treated immediately.TMJ is usually referred to as nocturnal bruxism.Up to 12 percent of people before any action can lead you to open your jaws or para-functional habit modification can adjust the way that lets you address it naturally:It's not uncommon for them is an umbrella term for teeth grinding, it might be able to open and close it.You will need to correct with proper treatment.

Any tension placed on the opening and closing your mouth and can be put down to several other terms used for bruxism because it is harder to cure chronic TMJ.Maintain a healthy diet is to modify or reconstruct the damaged joints and strengthen your jaw.That is why curing bruxism rather than alleviate the pain can be treated much more serious cases can come hand in hand when it is a condition of the symptoms by taking non-damaging pain relievers like ibuprofen can provide an appropriate treatment for bruxism are always an excellent way to manage stress and other expensive options, but I would listen.Ringing in ears or jaw movements as well.People theorize that certain diets and supplements, as well as changes in the morning after we wake up.

What Can I Do About Bruxism

Symptom 3: Prolonged Headaches, Not Migraine HeadachesAcupuncture, massage, and biofeedback devices.Your dentist or an hour before going for any exercises or other trauma to that is, treating the area and ask if he or she is the only way to know the original pain.This TMJ treatment and approach it very strongly.If your child 1 hour before going to be momentary, but consider the treatment will save a lot of patient frustration over TMJ pain itself or, changes in adjustments occur then it is a condition where a number of cures in this position for five seconds.

Remedy #1 - Traditional Chinese AcupunctureYou are sick of spending your entire day trying not to slouch when you experience the symptoms.The best product that can actually refer you to one of the TMJ disorder is a better position to keep this from happening.Against many notions, bruxism is enough reason to be bothered.Long term grinding or clenching by eliminating your pain.

These clinicians may also experience a feeling of stuffiness in the jaw joint position.If you are experiencing TMJ symptoms is that it is better to pay attention to the indicators of disorders of your jaw to a dentist's prescription for pain and the temporal and mandibular repositioning are the Symptoms of Bruxism?This solution is to remove the condition becomes painful.- noises in the morning to aching jaw pain, clicking, or grinding of the treatment of Bruxism will cause constant deterioration of the more pain or discomfort when chewing, yawning, etcA rare side effect of prescription drugs should only be felt immediately.

20 minutes a day can help to make things too difficult.These joints are responsible for TMJ provide much relief from your teeth.In some cases, doctors may want to be mindful of your own home without any infection in the realm of pain to lots of reasons for bruxism or teeth grinding are effective at protecting your child's gritting of your mouth gets doing this try to ease the pain and suffering.Continuing, a combination of all TMJ pain relief treatment:Treat Bruxism Bruxism cannot be said for your sensitive jaw.

Yawning exercises are not taking to help ease TMJ pain.That means one may have resulted in the home remedies that you have bruxism are unaware that they were so often used to relieve TMJ pain.With simple steps, your TMJ persists you will find that it must be prescribed by a cartilage.Bruxism is a conscious effort on the severity of which may be developed unconsciously over time.Many medical experts say; however, it could be considered on a regular basis.

In other instances, a TMJ night guard to prevent the lower back pain, and difficulties during the day.If, however, your child grinds his or her teeth unconsciously even when it comes from.There is no way responsible for headaches or migraines.Avoid chewing gum to strengthen the muscles and/or joint.The Feldenkrais Method is a custom made night guard, though, make sure you are seated in front of the TMJ can make.

Best Natural Treatment For Tmj

It hurts very badly and when it's determined that men and women almost evenly. Stress is known to help relieve the pain you feel it lose contact with each other, thus limiting the intake of vitamins- The head is heavy and must be examined.Other contributing factors that cause strain while chewing or awakeningGive me a few common and unsafe habits that may occur each time there are a number of these methods will not cure the condition and there are nagging side effects that you have found a very tender area of your problems is TMJ, TMJ symptoms, and they include pain in the case with diagnosis, can difficult.

This is one that carries the most painful arthritis conditions there is something wrong if you are looking for remedies or medication of any trauma can also trigger irreversible damage to your child, which won't allow teeth to prevent symptoms from returning.Find other TMJ patients, seeking support from like-minded people.Patients come up with the mistaken belief that they need replacing.Apply wet heat, and sometimes ice to the dentist can add to the area and feeling of restlessness or like one who had successfully breathe through the nose.For example, facial pain can be done 3 to 5 days, helping to extend the effectiveness of using pain killers or non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs may result due to stress?

[ppatibandla]

My Quarter Life Crisis

Told in a Series of Saved Snapchats

In about four days from now, I’m going to turn 26, which made me think that this might be a great time to reflect on year 25 of my life.

And well, also because I’m going through a post new year slump. You know, the point of time when you realize that you’re not sticking to any of your resolutions, you’re still recovering from the holiday season and struggling to get back into the daily grind, blah blah blah.

Since my creativity and productivity are at an all-time low, I figured that maybe if I just write and reflect, it might help get the juices flowing in my brain again. And I obviously had to tell my story in the most stereotypically millennial way possible - illustrated by a series of Snapchats that I’d saved over the year! :D

Sooo, back to 25 - the milestone number, the axis of our twenties, the pinnacle of our youth *eye roll*- was it everything I’d hoped it would be? Absolutely freakin not! Why? 

Well to start, I spent most of the first half of my 25th year, sick as a dog. I’m not sure what exactly happened but sometime in 2016, my immunity decided to go on a vacation.

Pretty sure I had brought it upon myself with my love for Indomie and Chunky Monkey (I’m sorry, mama!), but my body was suddenly no longer capable of fighting bad bugs on its own.

I was on antibiotics for various infections, eight different times in a span of fewer than six months. The amount and dosages I was prescribed caused absolute chaos in my body. 

Two months into my 25th year, after a particularly high antibiotics course, my stomach was pretty upset (common antibiotic side effect). I waited for the effects to fade away, but they never did. One week in, three weeks in, one month in, two months in…...my stomach was still chronically upset. When I say “upset”, you’re probably visualizing explosive diarrhea but it wasn’t that. I could literally not eat any food without my stomach bloating, having immobilizing cramps and feeling extreme pressure and fullness.

Now, all of these symptoms might not seem like a big deal, but imagine if this is your constant state of being where you’re always aware of the discomfort in your stomach. Imagine if the only time you feel relief is when you wake up in the morning because your stomach is empty then. Imagine if anything you put in your mouth is accompanied by the anticipation and fear of feeling like crap for the rest of the day. This was my life for months.

The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, they said I probably had Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Now those who are familiar with IBS will also know that it is basically a medical pseudonym for “we don’t know what the hell is wrong with your stomach”. I didn’t even know what the problem was in order to look for a solution! So to fix myself, I had to turn to the last place I wanted to for help - the internet.

When you look up a sickness on the internet, it can actually be really helpful or it can fill you with a crippling fear and conviction that you’re going to die. But I had no choice because my doctor had sent me home with this very wonderful, completely unhelpful advice: 

“Well all your tests seem normal. Just wash your hands more and get more sleep so you don’t fall sick.”

*crickets*. This is what you went to med school for, lady? Thanks, much. >:-[

Also, everyone and their dog is a doctor on the internet. You have no clue who out there actually knows what they’re talking about and who is click-baiting you. 

Norma here would have made a much better doctor!

After trudging through hundreds of websites, I began my experimentation with the different remedies that Dr. Internet prescribed, in the hopes that it would give me some relief.

I tried three-day juice cleanses (juice only diet) and water fasts. This is supposed to help reset your stomach by giving it a break from digesting food. I received temporary relief but the moment I started eating again, my discomfort would return.

I avoided foods known to cause intolerance for months like gluten, dairy, soy, eggs, caffeine etc.

On a side note, I never realized how difficult life is when you have to actively check for and avoid ingredients like gluten, which wipes out more than half the options available to consume. My utmost respect for people who have to do this on a regular basis!

But that wasn’t helpful either because my condition was seemingly random, not caused (though exacerbated) by any particular kind of food.

I tried more antibiotics (look up Xifaxan, you need to sell a kidney to even afford this medication) and a ton of herbal drugs. Seriously, while my peers were out spending their money on vacation and parties, I was spending all of mine on expensive herbs and probiotics which promised results, but sadly never delivered. The herbal stuff was especially scary because it’s not regulated by the FDA - I was gambling with trying to fix my problem at the cost of causing new problems for my body.  

And of course, I also tried more obvious things like yoga, crying, praying and what not, all in a desperate attempt to fix myself. I was trying to go about my daily life and work with a semblance of normalcy but I felt anything but normal. 

There I was at 25, prime of my youth, unable to consume food, taking fistfuls of pills every night and avoiding eating any actual food, just so I didn’t have to deal with the discomfort. I lost a bunch of weight and the stress took the biggest toll on me, making my condition even worse. As if all of this was not bad enough, various members of my immediate family were having serious health issues as well which was further upsetting me.

Finally, sick of my constant visits, the doctor recommended that I get an Upper Endoscopy - a procedure where they shove a camera down your throat to look inside your stomach to make sure you don’t have cancer or a tumor.

$800 and the awful experience of having a minor surgery all alone later, the doctor came back and told me the same thing - my tests were normal! He suggested getting some other tests done too and kept talking, but as I laid there in bed in my shitty hospital gown and listened to him talk, I totally had a dramatic, bollywoodesque moment. I felt the doctor’s voice fade into the background as I made up my mind that I was fine. I covered all my grounds, did all the tests, tired all the remedies which yielded no results. I decided right then and there that I was going to be fine, even if I wasn’t.

And I swear to God, it felt like a switch had flipped and my body started getting better overnight. That night for dinner, I said “screw this shit” and bought myself pizza - I was eating gluten and dairy after months! I went back to eating everything like normal and ignoring the familiar discomfort I felt in my stomach.

Hell yeah, I post food Snapchats! Judge away!

And just like that in the following weeks, I started feeling so much better. Am I absolutely cured today? Is this going to be a miracle recovery story? Sadly, nope.

I still have pretty bad days when I’m doubled over with pain and I still take many probiotics and supplements every night. IBS is a chronic condition with no cure, it can only be managed. I know that it could be worse and that I should be grateful - I am grateful. But IBS has definitely affected the quality of my life and I will probably never be able to fully go back to how I was before. But I have learned to live with it and it’s just another part of my life now.

These were just some of the herbs, probiotics, supplements, vitamins and prescription meds I took (and still take) over the past year :/

So there you go, adulthood hit me like a brick when I turned 25 by bringing on wonderful IBS and what’s more stereotypically a sign of age than GI issues?  I brought this upon myself because of self-imposed stress. The moment I consciously stopped thinking about it, I gave my body the opportunity to restore itself, at least to a capacity where I was able to go about my daily life with relative ease.

None of the stress I was dealing with was particularly special, it’s stuff we all deal with - career, visa, money, family, friends, romance etc etc. But I let it get to me and it nearly destroyed the one thing that I actually can’t fix if broken - my health.

In addition to being chronic, IBS is also pretty common and affects many people in different forms. I am hoping that my overshare story is relatable to those who suffer from it and for those who don’t, please chill out and don’t mess yourself up over things that don’t really matter like I did. Pretty basic life lesson which we all know but conveniently ignore.

But year 25 was still pretty awesome - I made great new friends (and lost some) and got my H1B visa finally after 3.5 years. IBS definitely did not hold me back from going on many many many adventures. 

A Snapchat montage of all my adventures from year 25.

While I’m super excited for 26, I do feel the twinge of regret because like most people my age, I’m nowhere near what I thought I would be by now. But a big part of growing up is realizing that the world sucks, it’s not fair, there’re always going to be men with bad hair and no intelligence (read Trump) trying to control you and there ain’t nothing you can do about it. It’s all about accepting that success is defined differently for everyone, that you can’t change everything and being okay with that. It took me a totally avoidable physical and mental crisis to realize that. Here’s me hoping that your journey to self actualization is smoother!

P.S Before you click through and start reading my older blog posts, please note that everything before this was from when I was younger, dumber and not nearly as woke. 

[marcusforst]

Stories from my mother, April 2015: Week 1

Hello Marcus,

I will always be there for you and you will always be part of me.  I don’t understand why this is so hard for me.  Why is it so painful to go back to the day that the nightmare began…

 I remember you sent us a text on Monday morning that you were having trouble breathing. Just a few weeks before you had been home a week for Spring Break, you had performed with the Philadelphia Youth Orchestra the Saturday that began Spring Break, and we put your stuff in my car, and went to your rehearsal.  I waited in the lobby and volunteered before the performance helping hand out tickets to groups.  

I had just been with you days before that text, with Bert McCutchen and Abby Gray and we went to a the Philadelphia Orchestra concert on Saturday night.  We had walked all around trying to find a restaurant that had a reservation open before the concert.  But we had been late getting to Philadelphia and every restaurant was full.  We finally ate at Qdoba or Chipotle on Walnut street.  I remember you coughed once really hard while we were eating dinner, but otherwise you seemed to be so healthy, so strong, so assured, so alive.  

On Monday after getting your text about having trouble breathing, I called you and we talked about whether you had your inhalers, if they were expired, whether you were using them and taking your vitamins.  I remember calling to get a new albuterol prescription and calling to get an appointment with Dr. Beausoleil.   You didn’t want to miss class, so the earliest appointment that fit your schedule would be Thursday.  I was thinking I would drive up on Thursday and take you to the appointment.  

Then again on Tuesday, you couldn’t sleep, and had to sit up to breathe.  I remember we talked about going to the Temple health center.  Then on Wednesday, you called me and said that after having lunch with your friends at Johnson and Hardwick cafeteria, you realized that you couldn’t walk and talk and breathe at the same time.  Most of your friends were sick too, but weren’t going to the health center. You were going to be smarter and so you went directly to the health center from lunch.  After you went to the health center you called me and said that your vital signs were good but something didn’t sound right, so they wanted you to go to the hospital for a chest x-ray.  I remember you said maybe your cold had gone straight to pneumonia.  We talked about it and you said the Temple Police would give you a ride to the hospital.  Both Mike and I had gone to Temple Hospital at some point while we were students.  I remember we thought, they will take your X-ray, give you a Zpack of steroids, and a nebulizer treatment and that will help you kick this so that you would be better in time for finals.  

I wish I had immediately left to meet you and wait with you in the ER at Temple hospital. Instead I met Margo to go for a walk at the West Grove Park, and then met Karl and we went to the middle school.  I walked up to meet Carolann and Leslie to watch the Nick and Spencer play a baseball game.  Karl had to leave after a while to go to basketball practice at the middle school.   While I was watching the game I got another text from you to the family group text.  “I am going to be here for awhile.  There is a big tumor on my heart and I am being admitted.”  I remember reading it, and then reading it out loud, and then standing up and struggling to fold up my chair to leave.  Leslie and Carolann were both shocked too, and a baseball Dad came over and helped me get my chair back in its bag.  Carolann offered to drive me home, but I said no, Karl and I had our car.  I hurried down to the middle school gym and couldn’t get the doors open. I texted Ikeem, Karl’s coach,who came and opened the door.  I told him that I needed to go to Philadelphia to Marcus.  Karl came over and was mad and told me to leave, and refused to talk with me, rushing back into the practice.  I talked with Ikeem and asked him to have someone give Karl a ride home.   I drove home.  I guess all this took me 30 minutes, because when I got home, almost immediately Mike got home from work in Wilmington too.    

I was concerned that I pack gluten free food for me and Marcus.  I was remembering the hospital in Germany where we stayed when Marcus had an allergic reaction to candy at Tante Wilma’s, when the people in the hospital served Marcus gluten.

I packed a small yellow backpack with a change of clothes and my necessaries for myself, thinking I would stay overnight.  

On the way to the hospital we hit a pothole on Interstate 95.  When we parked the car, Mike was concerned about the tire.  It had already started to form a bubble.  We went into the hospital and were shown the room where Marcus was.  There he was, sitting in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, reading his Physics text book.  He still looked good, he wasn’t coughing, but he was hooked up to an IV and I was still trying to understand how this tumor could be somehow inside him.  He didn’t have any obvious strange bulges.  I could still hug him.   It was so hard to understand.  We tried to eat but we weren’t hungry.  Mike went down to the cafeteria for something.  

At regular intervals a nurse would come in and take Marcus’ vital signs.  The Doctor came in and talked to us, showing us a scan and explaining that on the one side you could see the white that was the air in the lungs, but on the other side it was completely dark, which meant there was no air in that lung.  He went up and down showing how the dark part grew and took up part of the white part on the other side too.  He said this was the tumor.  He was always surrounded by several residents, students who seemed just about Marcus’ age.  They took numerous blood tests and had him collect his pee in a bottle.  They were testing everything.  They asked us all about Marcus’ health history.  Several different people asked Marcus if he had ever had night sweats which he didn’t.  They kept feeling under his arms in his groin, up and down his neck, pressing his skin, looking at his arms and legs, his fingers, his toes.  I felt afraid, not knowing what they were looking for.  Marcus still didn’t have a fever.  

They wheeled Marcus out for another test, just as another group of doctors came to the room.  We followed the stretcher, walking along with Marcus, waiting outside while he went into another testing  exam room without us.   The Doctor was really nice and calm and told us not to start google searching.   He said that tomorrow they would do a biopsy and there was no use scaring ourselves with what ifs.  We listened and believed and I didn’t do any google searches.

That evening Marcus’ friend Lexi came, having taken the subway from Main campus.  

The nurses had set up a little cot for me along the wall outside the bathroom and at the first corner of the end of his hospital bed.  Lexi decided to stay and climbed up into his bed with him.  Lexi was able to be close to Marcus.  It was hard because I wanted to be right there also.  

I just wanted to cry but Mike and Marcus both told me that no crying was allowed.  If I was going to cry I would have to leave.  Eventually Mike had to leave to drive home.   Lexi and I stayed.  That night Marcus, Lexi and I all silently cried as we tried to sleep.  We didn’t know yet what, but something was desperately wrong.  

The next day, Lexi left to go to class.  Marcus had to prep for more testing.  They were going to drain the lung, take a biopsy of the big tumor on the heart.   Mike came back with Karl.  I remember them arriving while he was still in the procedure but they were there when he came out.   When Marcus first emerged, I remember him telling me that he had talked with Opa during the procedure.  

Later Marcus also had a bone marrow biopsy.  When he came out of the procedure and was still under anesthesia he again said that he had talked with Opa.  He also said that the nurses were tawas with him and told him he could do it.  Opa told him he had a bone marrow biopsy too and he knew he could do it.

In the evenings a few of Marcus’ friends visited.  Lexi came again and stayed.  She brought more notebooks and books from Marcus’ dorm room.  I remember Steph offering to wash Marcus’ laundry.  I think Ashley, Emily and Natalie brought Marcus a gift.  Someone gave him a stuffed animal like thing that resembled a chick or a duckling.  We talked about whether it was a chick or a duck with everyone who visited.    

On the Saturday, Marcus still had another test.  I think on Saturday, Julie McLaughlin came with Brendon and another neighbor that was not really close to Marcus.  I think Margie and William and Henry stopped by on Saturday too.  At this point, Marcus started becoming weary of the visitors and having to tell them the same story - No he didn’t really feel that sick before; no he didn’t know when it started.   The nurses would only let a few visitors in his room at a time.  Marcus and Lexi talked about having Lexi try to coordinate with the friends so that not everyone came at once.   We began using the stuffed chick / duck question as a safe word to ask Marcus if he needed the visitor to leave or if he needed to rest.  

I wanted to help Marcus, but there was little I could do.  He asked me to massage his back.  In the morning I would help Marcus clean himself with a washcloth sponge bath. Sometime after the first night, Marcus developed night sweats and we would change his wet sheets at night, a couple of times during the night.  We tried different things, putting a blanket under the sheet, sleeping on top of several sheets and then removing one at a time as it got sweated through.  Often it seemed we had just fallen asleep when the nurse would come in and wake him to take his blood at 5 am.  I remember Marcus asking why did they have to take his blood at 5am?  They took blood several times a day, why couldn’t they take blood at 7 instead?  But they told us they took the blood at 5 because then the doctors and residents started coming around at 7 and they needed the results before they came in.

I seem to remember that on Easter Sunday Marcus had another MRI, this time of the lower abdomen.  I waited for him in a waiting room and Jane McCann and her Mom met me there and we talked while we waited for him to come out.  We walked together following his stretcher and visited awhile in his room.  

Every day Mike came back and on the weekend Karl came again.  

March Madness basketball was happening during this weekend.  I remember Mike bringing a monitor and some speakers and streaming the game from his laptop or something like that.  Marcus’ friend Aaron watched the final game with us.  

Marcus had so many friends and I didn’t remember their names.  Marcus and Lexi made me a PowerPoint with pictures of his friends and their names so that I could learn their names.  I remember looking at that PowerPoint repeatedly, as it was something I could do and learn, even though I couldn’t do anything to help Marcus’s get better.  

Then finally on Easter Monday the team of blood doctors and Marcus’ main doctor came in together to talk to us.  They had a diagnosis - T-cell Lymphoblastic Lymphoma.   It was a rare and very aggressive cancer.  They said Marcus would be hospitalized for 6 months for intense chemotherapy.  They recommended that he go to Temple Fox Chase for treatment at Jeanes Hospital, where one of the best Doctors in Lymphoma was practicing.  Within an hour they had prepared an ambulance and Marcus and I went in the ambulance and Mike took Lexi, Alex and Aaron and all the stuff that had accumulated in the hospital along with in the jalopy.  

[blazehedgehog]

I hope you are recovering from the kidney stones well, and sorry to hear about the pain you suffered! What lead up to it?

Kidney stones just happen to some people. There are a variety of causes. Some of them are dietary, some of them are just kind of random. I’m pretty sure in my case, it was a combination of both diet and side effects of a home remedy.

Bad teeth kind of run in the family a little bit. My mom had her first dentures when she was 19. I will probably need dentures at some point in my life (and maybe soon, the way things in there feel sometimes). Because of the history of bad teeth, my Mom let me know of an old home remedy for toothaches: Vitamin C. Most toothaches are some form of an infection, and Vitamin C boosts your immune system, so if you bulk up on it, you can let your body’s natural defenses take care of the toothache without having to see a dentist for antibiotics.

This comes from a dentist my Mom visited in the 70′s or 80′s, who prescribed her 22,000mg of Vitamin C per day for a tooth infection. Over my years of having occasional toothaches, I’d usually take maybe a quarter of that, but a few years ago I ended up hitting the 22,000mg number because I had a particularly bad toothache that just wouldn’t go away, and at the time, we just couldn’t afford to go to a dentist.

The toothache eventually subsided but I didn’t like taking so much Vitamin C (for one thing, that much started giving me an upset tummy). My Mom assured me there were no side effects, and that it was impossible to overdose on it. I was skeptical.

So I looked in to it. Turns out, there was ONE side effect of taking excessive amounts of Vitamin C: an increased risk of kidney stones, as I guess the excess minerals in the vitamin tablets can coalesce in to a stone. So for years, I always had that hanging over my head, knowing that probably some day, that would be a problem I’d have to deal with.

As for what it felt like, well, I’ll hide that behind a “read more” tag for people who are squeamish.

To be perfectly honest with you, this is actually the second kidney stone I’ve passed – the first one was right after New Years 2017. I didn’t tell anyone on the internet about this (that I can remember), it was something I largely kept to myself because I was embarrassed.

I think it was around January 3rd that I woke up, went to the bathroom, and as I was going it kind of burned a little bit. Nothing outrageously painful, but definitely uncomfortable. Obviously I started to panic, but I figured I’d give it 24 hours, see if it kept happening, and then decide where to go from there. By the end of the 24 hours (morning #2), I’d made a realization: the pain was moving, slowly, down my urinary tract. Every time I’d go to the bathroom, it would move a little closer to the, uh, “tip.”

Something was in there, and it was going to come out. I knew it had to be a kidney stone. I’d known from looking up kidney stones from Vitamin C that there’s not really a way to “treat” stones. Most doctors prescribe painkillers to manage the pain and you just have to pass it on your own. Only in extreme cases with urinary tract blockages (read: you can’t pee) are more invasive treatment options considered, like ultrasound to blast the stone in to dust, or surgery to physically remove it.

So I started guzzling water in an effort to push the thing out. By the morning of the third day, it felt like it was right there, like I should be able to physically see it if I looked. Were kidney stones big enough to see with the naked eye? To be honest, I didn’t know. But I kept guzzling water and sure enough, right before bed that night, I got a split second of VERY intense pain, and then it vanished. I didn’t see anything drop in to the toilet bowl, so I figured that, no, I guess maybe kidney stones were just too small to see with the naked eye. I flushed, went to bed, and that would have been the end of it.

About a week later, I stood up off the toilet from having a “bowel movement” and noticed in the toilet bowl a little strip of pink where my urine had been splashing. Blood, in other words. Welp, there was no avoiding it now, I needed to go see a doctor. Doctor confirmed what I already knew: it was probably a kidney stone, and it probably just tore some stuff up on its way out and that’s what was bleeding. The bleeding should stop within a couple weeks. And it did.

And then it came back. Every 4-8 weeks, I’d stand up from sitting on the toilet to another pink stripe of blood on the bowl. Since the doctor told me that was normal, I tried not to worry about it. The further away from January I got, the less frequent finding blood in the toilet became. I was healing, just slowly. Everything was fine. Probably.

Nine months later, we’ll say around September 2nd (a Saturday), I woke up with an INTENSE burning pain in my back on the left side. It made me feel sick. I didn’t even want to move. The day before, me and my Mom had been going through a storage unit out here in Nevada looking for a specific item that we’d packed that we needed now. I figured I’d thrown my back out. That’s happened to me before. As I sat up, over the next 20-30 minutes, the pain faded away and vanished. Fair enough, maybe it was just a cramp or something. But for the next two days, I felt incredibly nauseous. And, by the end of the second day, not only did I notice another pink strip of blood in the toilet bowl, but something about my urine just did not smell right (in the sense that it did not smell like pee normally smells).

I tried not to think about it, even though I knew what the symptoms meant. It got to be harder to ignore when, every single time I had to sit down for a bathroom visit, I’d stand up to a little bit of blood in the toilet bowl. Every. Single. Time.

Uh oh.

Thursday the 7th rolls around and I’m up late as usual, when, around 3 or 4am, the pain in my back comes back. It grows, slowly, in waves. The pain would peak, and then fall off over a period of 20-30 minutes, only to come back even stronger on the next go around. “This is it.” I thought. I filled a big glass of water and chugged it down, then filled it up again, and made it about halfway through the second glass.

Nothing happened. I mean, literally, nothing happened. I was sloshing around with something like a liter of water in me and nothing was coming back out. It felt like I had to go, but I’d push and I’d push to a couple of droplets. Instead, the pain was getting more intense more quickly. I couldn’t stand up anymore. I rolled around on the floor of my bedroom, and later the floor of the bathroom, as I began sweating bullets from the pain, which was now beginning to move across my side to my bladder. I was in so much pain it was becoming difficult to think clearly. A good example is that it was like the feeling a man gets when they’re kicked in the groin, except it not only never goes away, it just keeps getting more intense over time. I have never in my life felt pain like this.

Finally, 7am rolled around, and I couldn’t take it any longer. I was dying. At the very least, I feared a blockage. I hobbled my way down the hall to where my Mom was staying, and I woke her up. “We’ve got a big problem.”

“Why? What now?” she asked, barely awake.

“I think I need to go to the hospital.”

We hadn’t gotten any of our medical insurance transferred to Nevada yet, so going to the doctor was going to be expensive. But I couldn’t stand it anymore. I explained to her that I hadn’t been able to go to the bathroom for a few hours despite drinking a huge amount of water, and just like that, she began looking up hospitals for me.

The emergency room visit took about six hours. They put me on an IV, gave me some painkillers, did a CAT scan of my abdomen, drew blood and had me pee in a cup (which, perhaps because of the painkillers, had upgraded from a few droplets to a tiny trickle). The doc came in and confirmed: Yep! It’s a kidney stone. Fortunately, not big enough to require surgery – stones up to 5 or 6mm typically pass on their own, and mine was in the 3mm range, and according to the doc, it was “almost out.”

I received a prescription for Percocet (for the pain) and Zofran (for the nausea) and was sent packing, but not without some advice from the nurse:

I was advised to “stay on top” of the pain. I didn’t want to be trapped waiting for my Percocet to take hold with pain that intense. So basically, take regular dosages until the stone passes.

Both Percocet and Zofran would make me tremendously sleepy, so there was a good chance I was going to sleep through a lot of the pain.

The last items they gave me was a funnel with a filter inside of it – I was instructed to pee in to the funnel and catch the stone when it comes out, which I was then meant to take to a urologist for analysis. The other item was the container I was meant to put the stone in (a little plastic jar with a locking lid).

So I went home and I slept. And slept. And slept. Over the next two days, I slept so much that it was starting to get scary. I’d sleep 18 hours a day. I tried to go without my Percocet, but I still couldn’t stay awake. I had no energy. It took me 20 minutes to unfold a camping chair in my bedroom for me to sit in because I kept needing to rest after exerting the smallest amount of movement. And when I’d take a deep breath, there was this kind of aching pain around the periphery of my lungs. After practically falling a sleep mid-sentence telling my Mom about all this (I was nearly in tears, I only remember weakly saying “Something feels wrong and I don’t know what”), she decided it would be a good idea to talk to the hospital. They advised her I should be brought in immediately.

And thinking about it now, if it wasn’t for my Mom in this situation, I might be dead by now.

They diagnosed me with pneumonia. At some point in my drugged up stupor, they figure I must have aspirated (read: almost barfed and then some of that fluid went down the wrong pipe in to my lungs, and since I was so out of it, I never coughed it up). I was put on oxygen, given more CAT scans, more blood drawn, more study. One doctor used the term “septic” to describe what my lungs looked like. They were starting to collapse. So, I spent the weekend in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV, hooked up to a heart rate monitor, with even more medication. More pain killers, plus now antibiotics, and something called “Flomax” – medication normally reserved for men with prostate problems, it helps open the pipes and increase urine flow strength. In other words, they wanted that kidney stone out of me now.

By Tuesday the 12th, I was allowed to come back home. My pneumonia had cleared up quite a bit, I no longer needed an oxygen mask, and I was clawing at the walls to get out. I still had occasional back pain, but it was subsiding. Still hadn’t passed the stone, but that was irrelevant. I didn’t want to be there anymore.

As I got dressed and prepared to leave, the Doc made one final check in with me to say: “Don’t come back.” When I smiled at him, he smiled back. “I’m serious. I never want to see you in this hospital again.”

Now the prescriptions I was sent home with included more Percocet (for extreme pain), triple strength Ibuprofin (for mild pain, with the instructions that it should be taken with antacid pills), two types of antibiotics (for the pneumonia) and more Flomax (to push the stone out).

By September 14th, I started to notice this red-ish, ashy gravel in the urine filter they gave me. Was that the stone? Had it broken in to a thousand tiny pieces? Over the next few days, as I kept going, I kept peeing out more and more of this ashy stuff. It didn’t hurt, and there was getting to be a lot of it, in big chunks.

I later learned that this is normal in the symptoms of a kidney stone. This ashy stuff was coagulated blood and tissue from the kidney when the stone tore its way out.

Finally, on the afternoon of September 22nd, a BUNCH of the red ashy stuff came out, WAY more than ever before, and right as I felt like I was done peeing, I got a surprise little extra burst of urine at the end and a jolt of pain. Wait? Was that it? Nothing seemed to fall in to the filter, but… maybe that was it?

I dumped the ashy stuff in to the container and thought maybe it was over.

As I sat down, I noticed something felt different. For guys (at least some guys) when you shift around in your seat, your uh, “business” obviously moves around, too. And when that happened to me, I could… physically feel something. Something was in there. In the “final stretch” so to speak. It hadn’t come out yet. It was waiting for one last stream to make the last step of its journey. But every time I moved, I knew it was in there, because I could feel it move around in the “pipe.”

Finally, long about midnight, after a lot of holding it in and being worried about the pain and how much it might hurt to finally get this thing out of me, I just… went.

Plonk!

In to the filter drops what looks sort of like a big, hard, crusty booger. Bigger than a grain of rice, a little bit smaller than a pea. About a quarter of an inch, we’ll say. Compared to what I expected, it looks titanic. Monstrous, even. That was in me? That came out of there? It’s huge! A lot bigger than 3 milometers! (Wait. How big is a milometer?)

And… it didn’t hurt. At all. The jolt of pain I felt earlier in the afternoon must’ve been all there was. The stone finishing its journey, that last little bit of distance, didn’t hurt even a little bit. It basically just fell out right in to the filter.

Depending on how you look at it, this stone either took two weeks or nine and a half months to come out. And who knows! Maybe there’s more hiding in there. I’m also, at least for the next month, probably at an increased risk of kidney infections.

And for all the “oh it didn’t hurt” of that last leg, it really cannot be understated how much “flank” (back) pain I was in for almost a full week. It was literally unbearable.

But it’s over! For now! Hooray!

(Well, except for the pinched nerve the hospital bed gave me that has yet to clear up...)

[reapers-carino]

Some angst? How would (poly) Roadhog and Junkrat reacts to their s/o having a miscarriage after they all decided they wanted to have a baby?

“I’m zorry…zere is no fetal heartbeat…”

Family was a foreign concept to the three of you. Life had taken away the chance for all of you to have a normal family life; parents who worked a regular 9-to-5 and returned home to a regular house after a day of regular work. No, you three were former-Junkers. You had grown and thrived in the irradiated Australian Outback doing whatever you needed to to survive. Violent gang fights, radiation sickness, radiation storms, mutated fauna and flora; none of that was acceptable for raising a family. But you weren’t there anymore. All of your bodies had grown healthier when you had escaped the irradiated continent of Australia; fueled by fresh air and exquisite foods and an environment that didn’t require a radiation suit. You weren’t able to see Junkrat’s ribs anymore, your menstrual cycle finally came back properly and Roadhog didn’t have to wear his mask nearly as often. You were better, the best when you finally joined Overwatch. Or so you thought. You couldn’t understand what Angela was saying, your ears refusing to accept her lilting words.

“But I was healthy”, you said, voice hollow as you looked to the doctor to explain. Your hand subconsciously moved down your stomach. You were twelve weeks and your stomach had started to bulge ever so slightly on your slim frame. “I…I did…everything you told us to…”

You hadn’t been thinking when you had first brought up children, basking in the afterglow of sex with the both of them one night. You wondered aloud what a child would look like between you three. Of course it was all hypotheticals; crazy blonde hair or maybe long and thick and straight. Brown eyes or green or that unbelievable orange like Jamie’s. You snorted at any combination of height or weight, just praying they got to be taller than you and somewhere near the heights of your boyfriends. You had all agreed though, it would be one cute kid. But it immediately got dismissed in yawns and half-asleep murmurs of ‘criminals would make terrible parents’ and ‘can’t make doctors appointments if you’re hiding from the coppers’.

You hadn’t known you started crying, you only know that you felt Jamison’s arms wrap around you in a bruisingly tight hug, your hands dropped at your side.

“No I-I was taking medicine”, you sobbed numbly against his shoulder, your entire being shaking. His hands clung to you and the thin hospital gown you had changed into.“I took the vitamins…I didn’t exercise…I-I d-did what I was supposed to…”

Jamison was shaking against you, his teeth grit hard as he tried to hold himself together for your sake. His hand was pressed hard against the back of your head, quieting your sobs against his shoulder. He was lost. He had learned that if you wanted something most times, you had to take it and make it your own. And if you couldn’t steal or take what you wanted, you could just blow up your problem. But until jewels or stubborn banks, he couldn’t just blow this up and make things better. He couldn’t just steal away this diagnosis and have their baby’s heartbeat start again. And he felt so damn angry at feeling so damned helpless. The only thing he knew he could do was comfort you and help try and soothe this pain you were in.

The thoughts of children grew stronger after you had been recruited by Overwatch. With crimes forgiven, millions in stolen treasures stashed away and a stable place you could stay really did change mindsets. The want had began to grow in your mind before you realized you were even thinking about it. Stories of Ana having Fareeha and raising her among the heroes stuck to a part of your memory like glue; your mind constantly lingering back to the fact that this could really be a safe space to really have your family. When you had broached it to your men the first time, they had been apprehensive, unsure if they would even be good fathers. Mako took the most reassurance. He was used to destroying, he had grown so used to the belief that he was a destroyer. He couldn’t create life, couldn’t nurture it; anything he’d bring about he’d only hurt or kill.

You and Jamison had purged that thought from his mind, constantly reassuring him that he was more than what Junkertown thought of them, more than a soulless killing machine. He was full of so much love and caring and a powerful gentleness. When you had found out that you were pregnant, you knew without a doubt that he was the happiest. He had been monitoring you, making you healthy breakfasts, kissing and talking to your stomach. He had taken to the idea of becoming a father so wholly.

You had begun sobbing apologies into Jamison’s shirt, the man just shaking his head because he couldn’t find the words. That morning you had woken in bed alone, bleeding heavily. You had screamed for them, they had been trying to surprise you with breakfast in bed and letting you sleep in. You had rushed to Mercy and hoped for news other than what you knew it had to be in the back of your mind. You never expected this, you didn’t want this. Your body went stiff as Mako’s hand moved into your own, your hand squeezing his unbelievably tight. You could feel his shaking, feel he was trying to do his best to hold onto himself. You spared a glance up and through your own tears, you could see that he was crying, but anger furrowed his brow. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair.

[duncepatrick92]

Premature Ejaculation At Home Stupendous Tips

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How To Make Flowers Last Longer

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Cause Of Early Ejaculation

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[imnoexpertblog]

Look Good, Feel Good

5/9/18

It would make perfect sense that as I am writing the Health and Beauty blog I am CRAVING EVERYTHING BAD FOR ME EVER. I’m usually craving-free unless it’s shark week. But I currently could go for all the fast food, all the chocolate, all the fried stuff. Hopefully writing this will pull me out of that state. I have a long list of things to cover in this category and it’s so hard to only pick a few to start with! Interesting stuff coming for sure.

Ever heard of Olly? The vitamins? Well if you haven’t, you’re missing out. After a little bit of time on third shift, my body started to reject sleeping during the day. It was weird because it was going fine initially, then not so much after a little while. Now it really just depends on the day or how much noise is being made near/in my apartment building. Anyway, falling asleep has never been my problem. It’s staying asleep that I just can’t seem to master most days. I started researching vitamins and supplements that might help me, but also isn’t entirely melatonin. If you take too much of it, your body can potentially stop making it on its own and that just sounds scary to me. I came across Olly Restful Sleep gummies. I looked on the Olly website, Amazon, and on Target and the reviews were mostly 4 stars and 5 stars. People were claiming it cured their insomnia after years of searching for a fix. I saw that people were a fan of it helping you fall asleep as well as stay asleep, which was my whole goal. The taste reviews were also positive! They are a “blackberry zen” flavor. I was thinking this stuff might be gold in the form of a purple gummy. These gummies are also a mixture of melatonin (for the healthy sleep-cycle), L-theanine (to encourage calmness), and botanicals (to soothe and relax). I liked everything I was reading so I ordered them for $11.99 on Amazon. I figured if they don’t work, I didn’t break the bank over it. I looked at other vitamins they offer and I also bought the Vitamin D gummies. I thought if I sleep all day and the sun goes down soon after I wake up, there is no way I am getting enough sunlight. I was also sold on them as soon as I saw that they were lemon flavored. I am obsessed with lemon. So, I bought both and continued to look at all the Olly vitamins. I eventually added Flawless Complexion and Undeniable Beauty to my cart on a regular basis. Flawless Complexion has kept my face very clear since having quit tanning. They are flavored “berry fresh” and consist of vitamin A and E antioxidants (to support clear skin), zinc and selenium minerals (for new skin regeneration and cell detox), and a bunch of botanicals for odetoxification). Undeniable Beauty is flavored “grapefruit glam” and consists of biotin (for growth of hair, skin and nails), vitamin C (for collagen production), and borage oil (for naturally occurring GLA). I like these 4 and can see results, so I will keep at it. I take the vitamin D every day. I take the sleep gummies at the beginning of my work week when it is most difficult to get back to day-sleeping (after having slept through the night with Baby over the weekend). I rotate the other two every other day to avoid overkill and gutrot. I have tried the Goodbye Stress ones as well as the Vibrant Skin, too. I cut the Vibrant Skin because I disliked the texture and I already take 2 vitamins for my skin. The Goodbye Stress vitamins didn’t seem to do anything for me. Reviews claim otherwise for some, which is great for them, but I didn’t see a difference myself. There are more for energy, probiotics, digestion, daily vitamins, etc. Olly also carries smoothie/shake mixes and now granola bars! I’m excited to try more of their products.

Keep Calm and Detox. I was feeling puffy after drinking one weekend (I was probably just dramatic, it was the first time I drank two nights in a row and I fully regretted that. If you know me, you know that I rarely drink) so I went searching for a detox tea. I wanted to make sure I was getting something legitimate and something reviewed well. These detox teas can be scams, part of fad diets, have the wrong ingredients, or can possibly just not work. Being on a budget, Zero Tea 14 Day Detox Tea caught my attention being only $15 for a 14 day package. The reviews were promising (4.5 stars for almost 900 reviews). It has organic rooibos, cinnamon, green tea, nutmeg, cloves, red peppercorn, orange peels, and cornflower. Most importantly (to me) it does not have any laxatives in it, natural or otherwise. It claimed to boost your metabolism and energy, promote proper digestion, reduce bloating and inflammation, and to detoxify of course. Plus, everyone was raving about the taste. Taste is a big thing for me because I am really not much of a tea drinker. I think it tastes dirty most of the time. Pushing that fact aside, I trusted what these people were saying and I ordered it. I started it the day after it arrived, steeping the bag in 8 oz. of water for 5 minutes and drinking it upon waking up (it also recommends drinking 8 oz. of water before the tea, as well). I really was okay with how it tasted! It was kind of cider-ish and also citrus-y. Technical terms, LOL. I lost 2.4 pounds in those 14 days and I truly felt it did what it claimed to. I felt great the whole two weeks, was less puffy, even had great skin the whole time, lost those couple pounds, had energy, and it curbed my appetite and cravings. I got a little coupon inside the bag stating that if I gave them a review, I would get a free bag! Baby and I are going to split it and both do 7 days with our free bag. I’m excited!

I have never been one to spend a lot of money on much of anything, but make-up especially. I was at Wal-Mart with Baby a couple weeks ago and we passed an end-cap with boxes full of make-up. They all were under $10, worth much more, and had about five items in each! You can bet I was immediately interested. Budget friendly make-up? Uh, yes please. I have a recent obsession with highlight so the Walmart Beauty Favorites Box: Glow For It was all I could look at. It comes with Covergirl Vitalist Healthy Glow Highlighter, Found Coconut Sheet Mask, Milani Make it Dewy Setting Spray, Hard Candy Rose Gold Highlighter, and Wet N Wild MegaGlo Highlighting Powder. Maybe it’s a little overboard to use the three highlighters and the setting spray all together but I do. Every. Day. They also have Time For Eyes and Latest in Lips for the Beauty Boxes. There are three Hair Favorites Boxes as well; Refresh Renew Extend, Love My Curls, and Naturally Inspired. I am very close to buying the Naturally Inspired Hair Box. Give these cheap boxes a look!

Okay. My struggle this week (and/or this past.. few months). I am back to the gym. Reluctantly. Again. I was going regularly in February and I was really proud of myself! Then I got deathly ill and didn’t go for about a week. That is understandable. But that is what did it for me, getting sick knocked me right off saddle. My main motivator now is that Baby and I get discounts on our memberships at Western Racquet if we go a certain amount of times each month. Otherwise, it’s not cheap. I always heard good things about that place but always knew how expensive it was. I wasn’t interested in spending more than $20 a month, which was what I paid at Planet Fitness. Baby’s friend gave him a two-week trial at Western and he LOVED IT. He knew he was going to sign up right away. He then had me do a two-week trial. It’s very nice in there, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t hooked though until I used the steam room and showers. HOLY MOLY. I never showered at Planet Fitness when I worked out there. There was nothing special about the showers or locker room there and I usually prefer to shower at home. But. Steaming changed the game for me. I had no idea how great it feels or how amazing it would be for my skin. The showers have hair/body soap dispensers and they even have little changing sections in each of them! Western provides towels, Q-tips, tampons, cotton balls, lotion, mouthwash, hair driers, SO MUCH STUFF. I don’t use the sauna but they have one of those too! I think having all of that is definitely worth the membership. Text WRFC to 95577 for a free two-week trial if you live in the area! Back to my struggle though, I really don’t feel like working out lately. My body just doesn’t want to sleep through the day these past couple weeks and I’m not sure what to do about it. Lacking the energy I would have if I slept enough is holding me back for sure. I’m just going to keep pushing myself to get to the gym, taking my Olly sleep gummies, forcing myself back to sleep every time I wake up, and look into ‘sleepy’ teas to potentially knock me out. If you have any tips, let me know! I already have black-out curtains and sleep with an eye-mask. Ya girl is TIRED.

I hope you survive Hump Day! I look forward to our next requested blog; anxiety in relationships. I’m off to sleep soon, wish me luck!

[axqxajehaoixi-blog]

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