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staybabblingbaby · 5 months ago

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Soulmate Garden AU Ch.1 (Dahlia) a2 d5

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: Growing up, you knew Soulmates weren't all that they cracked up to be. So when, on your 18th birthday, your skin is painted with a garden of flower buds, you resolve to hide it from everyone. Who had ever heard of someone with 8 soulmates, anyway?

Or; Reader has 8 soulmates and no issue avoiding all of them. It's up to SKZ to show her that while every soulbond might not be made of fairy tales, theirs certainly could be.

Word Count: 5,368

Notes: My friend Tiny said this was very Wattpad era of me, so I'm so sorry that I'm cringe, guys. She also said she loved it and I am also p satisfied w it, so. Celebrations! It's also fucking long for me, like damn. Chill. I do have some disclaimers abt this tho. 1) I have never been to a k-pop concert, I am doing my best working off of what videos, vlogs, blogs, and Quora and Reddit answers for this. I'm very sorry if it's horribly inaccurate. Also it's idealized so it'd gonna be inaccurate 2) Covid never happened in this universe! Send-offs for everyone!

Dividers by @saradika

Warnings: She/Her Reader, sort of dissociating? ish?

Leave me comments or questions or anything! Love hearing from folks <3

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“Yes, Ma, I promise I’m doing just fine,” You grunt into your phone, tucking the device between your cheek and shoulder as you juggle your groceries and try to dig out your keys, “No one has tried to mug me, I’m eating well, and the job is the same as the last time you called.”

You manage to both open your door and kick it shut as your mother replies, “I just worry about you dear. You’re so far away from us now, what if you need help?”

You waddle to your kitchen counter to offload your burdens, stretching your cramping fingers out as you go to properly hold your phone again.

“I know, Ma, but I’m sure I’ll make some friends with time and then they can help me out.” you finally reply with a sigh. You begin the arduous task of actually putting your groceries away, resigned to the fate of a functional adult.

You hear your sister bark out a laugh in the background. It’s possibly about hearing ‘you’ and ‘friends’ in the same sentence (Which, ouch. True, but ouch). You magnanimously ignore her.

“Honey, I love you, but it’s been almost a year. You have yet to tell me about a single friend.” Your Mom retorts. Again, ouch.

“I have Taylor!” You defend, slamming your fridge shut with a pout.

“Your roommate doesn’t count!” Your little sister taunts from the background. You hear your mother shush her but her agreement is implied when she doesn’t correct the little gremlin.

“He so does!” You argue, “We hang out in contexts that are not work or school, we eat meals together, and we’re even going to a concert this weekend! That’s friends! That’s best friends, even.” You sound a bit pathetic even to yourself, but the day your sister wins over you is the day you die.

“That’s a friendly roommate,” Is your sister’s amused response, “I bet you don’t even know what his favorite color is.” Your silence is answer enough, and she cracks up, laughing so hard that you hear a muted thump as she falls off of whatever furniture she’d been occupying.

Guess you’re dying today.

Your mother changes the subject to the goings-on of your hometown while your sister asphyxiates in the background. You’ve only been away for a little under a year now, but as you listen to her talk about which of your littlest cousins are starting school and which of your relatives are causing drama, you realize that it’s already been a little under a year.

You flop onto your couch as your mom babbles away, holding back an existential crisis.

Your fingers begin tracing the long-since memorized lines of your soulmark over your clothes as you ponder the passing of time, fully zoned out of your mother’s gossip. Your sister seems to catch on to your long silence, interrupting you mother to pester you into giving her more material to taunt you over.

“What concert are you going to, anyway?” She questions.

“Oh, it’s a K-Pop group called Stray Kids,” You tell her. You can practically feel her interest shrivel up and die as soon as you say K-Pop, bless her elitist, snobby, little heart. “Taylor likes them a lot, and his boyfriend dumped him last month, so I got some good tickets to cheer him up.”

Your mother coos at you briefly before your sister overtakes the conversation again, “Are they even good?” You can hear the sneer in her voice as she falls into Music Snob (tm) mode, so you roll your eyes when you reply.

“They’re fun to dance to when I’m doing chores, so that’s good enough for me.”

“You can’t even understand them.” She complains.

“I can, actually.” You inform her primly, “My language elective was Korean. I took the whole course.”

“You’re a weirdo.”

“Tell that to my sweet, sweet, degree, kiddo.” It’s finally your turn to taunt.

“Whatever, you’re not even going with a friend, just your roommate. How fun could it be?” She pouts back.

“I told you, we are friends! Best friends, even!”

“You still don’t know his favorite color.” She retorts smugly.

“I know his favorite flower, that’s gotta count for something!” Your mother hums in agreement, and you picture her watching your bickering like a tennis match, assigning points in her head.

“It doesn’t, because you know everyone’s favorite flower! You know the mail guy’s favorite flower! It’s like an obsession.” You picture your sister rolling her eyes at you, exasperation pouring off of her. The image makes you grin as you reply.

“Only if it’s still Jim. I haven’t been around to ask anyone new.” You point out. Reasonably, you think, but for some reason your sister lets out a loud groan of annoyance and you hear her exaggerated stomps ass she removes herself from your presence. Your mother lets out an amused little huff and you imagine you’ve won the tennis match in her head.

No death for you today. Score!

Your mom yaps with you for a little longer, before finally bidding you farewell, telling you that you should call more often (like you don’t chat literally every Friday afternoon like clockwork), tell your dad to come home soon if you happen to call him (you won’t. He won’t either), and tell her all about how the concert goes next week. You promise to do that one easily.

When she hangs up, you’re left with the ringing silence of an empty apartment. Moving to LA has been a quieter experience than you’re used to in general, for many reasons. Sure, the city itself is louder than your little suburb by miles, but life has been... More peaceful, since. Quieter.

It still makes you uneasy, even 10 months later.

You get up from the couch and drift off to your room like a ghost, opening Spotify on your way. The opening notes of Ruth B’s Lost Boy and a something nauseous swirling in your gut is all that follows you.

On concert morning, you’re woken up bright and early by your air-horn of a roommate slamming your door open.

“Concert daaaaaaaaay~” He trills at you from the doorway. You don’t even open your eyes when you roll over and throw a pillow at him in protest. A soft ‘oof’ tells you that you hit your mark for once. Nice.

“Nice shot!” Taylor cheers, “But now I have your ammo, so it’s up time.”

You roll over again, taking the edge of your blanket with you and tossing it over your head. You pull a stuffed animal under with you, and curl tightly around it.

“Nmf gmf.” You grumble at him through a mouthful of fluff.

“Nuh-uh!” Taylor tuts, already fluent in Morning Grumble, “We gotta get up. There’s food to be eaten, outfits to put on, and lines to beat!”

You let out a long, agonized, groan, but obligingly roll over and starfish out with childish protest. Taylor waits until you open your eyes to glare at his annoyingly cheerful blond bedhead before he leaves your doorway with a sunny smile. Smug bastard.

He leaves your door open too, the shit, allowing the sweet smell of french toast and eggs to drift into your room. You sit up with a whiney groan, scrubbing harshly at your face.

You’d forgive him this time. Just for the french toast.

You lean over to grab your phone from your bedside table, just waking the screen to check the time. When the numbers register you lay right the way back down with another long wail of protest.

Four in the morning. That french toast had better be fucking good.

You eventually stumble into the kitchen and are promptly handed a very large and very welcomed cup of coffee. Taylor hands you a plate piled high with french toast and eggs, fruits and toppings already out, before you can even try to start bitching at him.

You take in the spread with a furrowed brow, before slowly lifting your head to pin Taylor with a suspicious stare.

“My dude, it is four in the morning. How?”

Taylor just shrugs at you. “Couldn’t sleep. Too excited.”

You nod slowly at him. “I’ll drive. You’re napping in the car.”

This triggers a round of outraged whining from your sleep-deprived roommate, which you cull by pointing out that headaches and concerts are an awful combo. He subsides but insists he’ll be even more excited in the car, since it’s closer to concert time. You tell him to do it anyway.

“Why are we up so early in the first place?” You complain as you drain the last dregs of your drink. “The concert isn’t for, like, fifteen hours.”

“The concert is only fifteen hours away! Countdowns have already started, mark my words!” Taylor counters, “You got us Soundcheck tickets! VIP! We have to take advantage! I want the entire experience. Freebies, insane merch lines, sponsor booths, everything.” He gets more and more incensed as he goes on, leaning farther over the table, his shirt almost dragging in the puddles of syrup on his plate.

You raise your hands in surrender to his wild-eyed look. “Whatever,” You concede, “You’re the boss, this is your day.”

Taylor nods in satisfaction, leaning back. You notice that he actually does take some syrup with him as he re-seats himself. “As it should be.” Is his prim reply.

You sort of just laugh at him, and your routine of friendly bickering continues as the two of you make quick work of fixing up the kitchen.

You two split off to get ready, Taylor demanding a leave time of 6am sharp. You do your best to appease him, dressing up enough to say you put effort in, but paying mind to comfort over style. You’re putting the last touches on your eye liner when Taylor barges in.

You give him a stink eye for not knocking, which he blissfully ignores as he looks over you top to bottom. He summarily declares you “Good, but not good enough” and stampedes over to raid your closet.

At this point in your cohabitation you’ve learned to just let him do his thing when he gets like this. He doesn’t let you dress yourself when you go clubbing with his friends either, the jerk. Your fashion sense is perfectly acceptable, thank-you-very-much.

He tells you you’re being assigned a bias for today based on your wardrobe as he tosses you a white and navy stripped polo shirt and some navy sweatpants with racer strips on the side. He pulls up a reference photo on your phone and tells you to accessorize while he goes to find an appropriate tie from his stash for you.

Looking at the picture of Han Jisung on your screen, you admit that the outfit is pretty close already. You decide to leave the polo’s buttons undone, grabbing a white camisole to put on under. Your accessories take a bit longer, and you can’t see the shoes to match those, but Taylor seems satisfied enough when he comes back.

He hands you a tie and a handful of pins to complete your look and begins pushing you out the door before you can even put them on properly. When you protest this he insists that the two of you are running late, despite the concert still being more than 13 hours away.

You do, in fact, make him sleep in the car. He does not appreciate this, but early morning traffic can lull even the most dutiful of soldiers to sleep. He’s somehow even more chipper than usual when he wakes up, despite being groggy and bleary-eyed.

The crowd, when the two of you arrive, isn’t as big as you were expecting it to be. With all of Taylor’s rushing, you’d expected to barely be able to see the doors. The merch booth he was so excited about isn’t even open yet, and he settles the two of you into the line to enter the venue instead of camping there.

It’s immediately obvious who the extrovert between the two of you is, Taylor’s bouncy blond head beginning to duck and weave among the small crowd as soon as you claim your spot, laughs and excited exchanges popping up wherever he stopped. You, on the other hand, stay exactly where you’d been left and fiddle around on your phone, Taylor’s clear backpack abandoned in your arms.

You’re pretty sure this is purposeful on his part. You know each other well enough by now that he’s well aware of your tendency to stay planted once you’re settled. You’re definitely being used to stake out your spot. You steal one of his granola bars as payment for your services.

An hour or so drags through, and Taylor has thoroughly befriended most of the people around you. Once he’s decided that it’s about time to line up for some of the merch booths, Taylor leaves you in the tender care of the other fans as he goes to stake out a spot. He gracefully accepts both your wallet and your request of “a t-shirt and something they can sign”

The group of four people behind you, in particular, take his (only semi-joking) request of “take care of my introvert for me” seriously.

“So are you a Han bias?” One asks you as Taylor prances off. Her outfit is majority blue, little Bbokari (You can admit that the little characters charm you. You probably know their names better than the Stray Kids themselves) hair clips and keychains decorating her person.

You look down at yourself and then back up at her, almost having forgotten that you were dressed up as him. “Ah, no. Taylor, my friend, dressed me this morning. We’re here for him today. Though, he did say Han was my assigned bias today.” You laugh nervously, hoping they don’t judge your lack of knowledge.

Thankfully none of them seem discouraged by your response, giggling along with your little joke. In fact one of them, dressed head to toe in merch, seems almost excited by the prospect.

“Are you a baby Stay then?” She asks you with sparkling eyes. You wave your hands in front of yourself a bit defensively.

“Ah, no. I wouldn’t go that far. I like their music when Taylor plays it around the apartment, but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom. This is actually my first k-pop experience in general.” You explain, “When I say we’re here for him, I mean I am here in total ignorance.”

Another girl, dressed in a loud assortment of colors you vaguely recognize from the music video Taylor had on loop in your living room for a week and a half when it dropped, lets out a low whistle. “Throwing you right into the deep end, huh? Hardcore.”

The group of you laugh a bit, the only guy in their group agreeing with, “Well if you’re not a fan now, you will be when you leave. Their performances are amazing, honestly.”

You absorb the gushing with an open heart, truly hoping for that to be the case. You take this opportunity to take the spotlight off of yourself.

“Oh, have you guys been to a Stray Kids concert before? It’s Taylor’s first.”

That question is the key to the floodgates, and you end up spending the next 3 and a half hours waiting for Taylor’s return (with text updates from the man himself, assuring you that he is still where he’s supposed to be) being regaled with tales of concerts, events, and comebacks past. You feel a bit like you’re getting a crash course in all things Stray Kids, phones often popping out to show you clips, fancams, and photos.

It makes you smile, feeling very included and welcomed as you occasionally pepper in a question or two to keep them going. It’s just like dinners at the apartment with Taylor, him unloading his stress through fandom, and you unloading yours through listening to his ramblings.

This is exactly why you came with him today.

Taylor makes his return loaded down with goodies both purchased and gifted by other fans, to which you welcome him by cheering loudly. This triggers your new group to do the same. Somehow, the five of you cheering leads to a large portion of the early crowd, which had grown by the hour, cheering with you.

You feel a bit shy at the power you apparently hold, and laugh about it with your new friends.

Eventually Taylor and Merch Girl (you hadn’t managed to catch any of their names, you realize belatedly. It’d be too awkward to ask now. You resolve to simply Not Address Them) split off to do more rounds among other fans, distributing their own freebies.

You hadn’t even realized Taylor had made freebies. You’re also not sure how he found the time. Love finds a way, you suppose.

The other group’s Token Guy Friend (who will always been Token Guy to you, so sorry Token Guy) passes the conversation back to you. Not appreciated, Token Guy.

You can’t be all that mad though, as he shuffles through his bag to produce a piece of paper and a chisel-tipped sharpie. He passes the items to you with a grin.

“If you’re close to the stage you should have a sign! You might get an interaction that way!” He enthuses. The remaining girls cheer at the idea, sighing over the possibility of you getting an interaction at your very first concert.

You hold back correcting them that it’s just your first k-pop concert. You’re sure that’s what they mean anyways, as the experience so far has been quite different from your usual.

You look at the items in your hand, and then back at him. He offers to let you use his back to write on. You once again stare between his meticulous outfit and the sharpie in your hand. You are so not going to ruin someone’s day with what was supposed to be a kind gesture.

You motion for him to wait a moment and dig around in your own bag for a moment, the seat cushion Taylor had insisted you bring slapping you incessantly from where it hangs as you shuffle both your shoulder bag and Taylor’s backpack around. Eventually you manage to pull out your travel first aid kit, pulling a gauze pad from it.

You unclip the seat cushion from your bag and place it on the ground, motioning for Token Guy to kneel. He does so bemusedly.

“I’m gonna make it fancy,” You inform him, “those random calligraphy classes from high-school aren’t going to fail me today.” He makes a noise of assent and you’re crowding over his bent back, unfurling the gauze pad to make a barrier between the paper and his shirt.

He and the girls make their conversation around you as you sink into concentration. It’s very difficult to make nice, even, lines on an uneven surface like a back, and you have to keep gently slapping Token Guy’s shoulder when he laughs to remind him not to move.

Taylor and Merch Girl have returned by the time you finish your sign, Taylor laughingly cautioning any of them from breaking your concentration for anything less than Token Guy’s health. Unless they wanted to face your Wrath(tm), of course.

His advice seems to have been heeded, because by the time you tune back into the outside world you have a sign with very pretty (and most importantly - legible) calligraphy that reads:

[HAN! You’ve been assigned as my bias today! Make me fall for you?]

You even took the time to add Korean translations in smaller script beneath each line. You also take the time to admire your own foresight for laying out the gauze pad, small black marks littering it’s surface. Token Guy seems equally impressed when he looks at it, before taking the initiative to trash both it and the wrapper for you.

Merch Girl reads your sign when you proudly hold it in front of yourself and cackles.

“So that’s why he really brought you along, huh?” She teases, elbowing Taylor like they’re old friends. He has that effect on people. “She can talk to them for you if the Aussie line isn’t around.” Taylor gives a sheepish laugh and a faux-guilty shrug.

“That, and she bought the tickets. I couldn’t leave her behind if I tried.” He pokes at you as he speaks, mirth dancing in his eyes. Laughter erupts around the group as you shout your offence, making to start roughhousing with him like you do your sister.

The time passes joyously this way until the doors finally open to begin letting people in for sound check.

You’re not gonna lie, you’re already super tired and peopled out. Luckily, Taylor had clocked you flagging before even you had, and sent you to sit in “introvert time out” on your cushion in a shaded spot away from the crowd. So you could make it through sound check and the actual concert. Probably.

You and Taylor pass through security unscathed, having already eaten or trashed any snacks or drinks you’d brought with you, and having not bothered bringing much else. Both of your bags were just full of merch and freebies at this point.

Once you actually enter the venue you take the lead, dragging Taylor by the wrist to your seats. You’re actually super excited to show him the seats you’d gotten, having kept anything beyond ‘soundcheck’ a secret.

Taylor is already vibrating with excitement as you lead him to the floor seats. He’s nearly trembling as you lead him right up the center, past rows and rows of little white chairs erected for the reserved seating tickets. When you finally sit him down right in front of the thrust stage, plopping into the seat beside him with satisfaction, he turns to you with saucer-wide eyes.

“Noo...” He whispers.

“Oh, yes.” You return, blessing him with a grin and little eyebrow wiggle.

Taylor basically tackles you in a hug, almost knocking you into the person next to you, and squeals his thanks so loudly that you’re sure the entire stadium hears. When he’s done thanking you he pulls back, hands on your shoulders, with the most deadly serious eyes you had ever seen on him.

“I would die for you.” He intones lowly. You crack first, the two of you breaking into a giggle fit that was almost concerning with it’s intensity. When the two of you calm down and turn to settle and sit properly, he nudges your shoulder with his.

“Seriously,” He says, eyes soft, “You’re the best ever. You need anything from today on? I’m your guy.”

You chuckle at him, nudging him back, “Do my dishes for the next month, then.” You tease.

He rears back, hands up in joking surrender, “Woah, woah! Let’s not go that far! I meant if you needed to escape from the mob or something, not chores.” He gives an exaggerated shudder before breaking into his usual silly grin.

The two of you spend the next however long indulging in familiar banter, waving at the group of fans you’d made friends with outside when you spotted them not terribly far away, and generally recharging your batteries for the concert. Taylor eventually moves on to talking to the people around you, and you rest your head on his shoulder.

You close your eyes for just a moment, trying to turn the lights off in your brain for a bit. You really needed the music to start soon, you were going to fall asleep.

Almost as if in answer to your prayers, the group begins trickling on stage for sound check.

To be honest, both soundcheck and the concert pass in a blur for you.

Once things kick off, you’re swept away in a wave of cheers, music, and lights. You hadn’t expected front row seats to be quite as intense as they were, but you made a note to yourself to not book such tickets for yourself in the future.

You couldn’t really handle it.

Still, Taylor seems to have the time of his life, and you manage to immerse yourself in the concert enough to shake your sign at Han when he passes by, earning yourself a wink and a cheek heart. Taylor was nearly euphoric at having caught the interaction with his phone camera.

By the time it’s over, you’re fairly sure you had a good time, but also 100% sure that you were completely overwhelmed. Taylor manages to drag you to the send off that you paid for spots at anyway. Curse his charming, sunny demeanor.

You can’t really process how it happened at this point, but you end up practically pinned to the railing of the barricade at the send-off location, separated from Taylor, and clinging to your façade of an excited fan with a white knuckled grip. You have three things on you to get signed, and a mission from Taylor to get all three scribbled on.

Your sign for Han, a ballcap Taylor had customized, and a Lee Know photocard Taylor had entrusted to you with a gravity you weren’t sure it warranted. He had, like, three of the same one.

You try to drum up the determination to see your mission through, but find it difficult to dredge up any will at all.

Time waits for no man, however, and soon enough the members begin making their way through, delivering high-fives, autographs, and aegyo as they pass through. You end up squished almost violently to the railing, ducking a bit and making yourself as small as possible as hands, phones, and items all get waved around and over you.

You’re not sure you like send-off.

There’s so many noises and sights and smells that you have a really hard time keeping track of which member is where. Plus, you’re still a lot overwhelmed from lining up before dawn and the concert itself. You’re tired, you’re cranky, and you want to go home.

At some point Lee Know must pass by you, and you must have presented the photocard properly, because you have a signed one now. That’s cool. The faster you get the requested autographs, the faster you can leave.

Bangchan spawns in front of you from the aether, from your point of view. You may be a bit more out of it than you’d like to admit. Still, you dutifully hold out your ballcap for him to sign, exchanging post-concert niceties on pure autopilot.

Because you’re not all that present at the moment, or maybe because all you’d had was your breakfast and some granola bars in the last 13 hours, you don’t hold your balance the way you should when someone shoves at you from behind. You catch yourself on the railing, but you dropped the freshly signed cap.

Bangchan kindly stoops to pick it up for you, and you thank him. A couple of things happen very quickly at that point.

1) Unlike the first two exchanges of the cap, because of the awkward and quick nature of Bangchan’s action, it is no longer being handed to you with lots of space between your hand and his.

2) You’re still being jostled around. No matter how much you brace for the impact of the bodies surrounding you, you couldn’t possibly keep totally still.

3) These two things have a consequence. Your hand brushes Chan’s as he hands you the cap.

The world stops for you for a moment, as pins and needles stab into dozens of familiar spots all across your lower abdomen. You freeze, dumb, awkward, overwhelmed smile plastered to your face as Bangchan turns away from you.

The pain isn’t that bad, really, more like a bad period cramp mixed with a sleeping limb waking up. Still, you curl your arm around your stomach, and your body bows with the motion. As if you could protect your reality from shattering and reshaping itself in front of you.

Static fills your ears and your poor, overloaded, brain throbs with the beginnings of a migraine.

Bangchan is your soulmate.

International k-pop sensation Bangchan is one of your eight soulmates.

Bangchan is part of a group with eight members.

Your soulmate is already moving away from you, your minor interaction just a footnote of his day, the tingling pain of your soulmate bond awakening probably blending in with a thousand other minor aches and pains from a very physically intense day for him.

You come back to clarity with the resolve that you’d like it to stay that way.

With a sense of urgency, you look around the crowd you’re part of, noting distinct faces and colors for the first time. You’re not really sure what you’re looking for until you spot it, and suddenly your escape plan is fully formed.

There, just a couple shoves and elbow throws away, is Blue Bbokari Girl from this morning.

You struggle your way over, people falling into the space you’d left at the railing like a pack of hyenas on fresh meat. When you reach her you the gently at her sleeve to get her attention.

She turns to you with confusion first, a bright greeting next, and finally a concerned scrunch of her brow as she takes in your hunched form.

“Hey, I’m feeling kind of sick, can you help me get out of the crowd?” You’re sure you look convincingly pathetic and weak as you plead with her. If only because you really did feel pathetic and weak at the moment.

“Oh, of course, hun! Just a moment.” She begins to crane her neck around to scan the crowd like you’d done moments prior. You feel a bit bad for interrupting her night like this, but as she calls out to someone behind her, you’re more thankful than anything.

Blue Bbokari Girl successfully gets the attention of someone you don’t recognize, and a quick summary of, “She’s sick, help her leave!” shouted over the crowd has you being passed through the crowd unmolested.

You find yourself enveloped in a chain of fans, one passing you to another, pausing, and calling on someone else to pass you to until you’ve finally stumbled free of the send-off mob.

Feeling a bit like you’d just been spat out of the maw of a great creature, you look back at the rustling crowd, now looking like it had never been disturbed at all.

The last lady who had finally freed you, an older woman with a Jiniret picket, eyes you with concern as you put you back to the nearest wall and slide down it.

“Will you be okay, sweetie?” She questions you worriedly, “Do you have anyone to pick you up?”

You smile weakly at her and assure her that you just have to get ahold of your roommate and he’d get you home safe and sound. She tries to insist on waiting with you, but you persuade her to return to the crowd with promises that you’d make your way to a bathroom or security guard once the worst of your vertigo had passed.

You watch her return with morbid fascination, amazed when she just sort of gets absorbed back into the mass of people. Almost like it ate her. You once again marvel at making it out of such a thing unscathed.

Truth be told, your stomach was only sore and tender this point, the sharp, needle-point pains long gone. Still, you take a moment to bring your knees to your chest, just breathing as you press your forehead to them. If anyone were to look at you then, you wonder what they’d think of you curled up on the floor and trembling like your dog had just died.

You hope they’d view you with kindness.

After giving yourself a moment to just feel, though you couldn’t tell anyone what you had felt, you gather yourself enough to totter to your feet and drag yourself to the nearest bathroom. You text Taylor as you go.

[Hey. Felt sick, in bathroom rn. lmk when we can leave pls?]

Perma Tag List: @mbioooo0000

#skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #skz fic #w.i.p fic #w.i.p #baby writes #stray kids soulmate au #SKZ Soulmate AU #Soulmate Garden AU #SGAU

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0ceanic-cosm0s · 5 months ago

Text

To the Hellfire - chapter 0

[Josh Washington x F! Reader]

3.2k words

masterlist - zero - one

chapter wrote by @sharkology & @xghostcr0wx

⚠️CHAPTER WARNINGS⚠️

[self-harm mentions/references, in-patient setting, blood, mental health issues]

An in-patient facility was not the place you were expecting to spend your month, but it's not surprising considering your track record of mental health problems. Ever since you were young, you had a bad habit. Self harm. The feeling gave you a blissful relief, and seeing the red left you distracted from the outside world.

It was the easiest and best way for you to cope. Sure, the medications your parents got your doctor to prescribe you helped somewhat. But the anguish and depression that constantly consumed you didn't ease up much. And after a severe manic episode, your parents had enough and admitted you to the Ocean View mental hospital.

That's how you found yourself in a month stay. It was really bad at first. You were screaming, crying, begging not to be taken there. The whole intake session you were inconsolable, asking how long you had to stay there. When you first heard '30 days' come out of your assigned therapists mouth, you felt like fainting.

It wasn't all bad though, you met a guy around your age. His name was Josh. He'd just arrived there the day before you. Before meeting him, there was a whole process of frisking you by staff and making you strip to check for any previous wounds or sharp objects. They give you a fresh pair of the hospitals clothes to change into afterwards.

You say goodbye to your parents and hug them when you're done; they each kiss your cheeks with a tearful eyes and wave farewell. One of the staff leads you through hallways and into the 'day room' where all the other patients are put in during the day to have some freedom and relax.

Necks are broken and voices quiet to look at you when you enter, countless eyes boring into your soul. They were interested to see who else was damned here. Your anxiety starts to fill your nerves as you walk over to an empty table, avoiding all eye contact. You just wanted to be left alone to calm down.

The chatter starts up again, only now a few eyes were on you. A specific set in particular however, found you. Intriguing. The stranger strolls up to your table, not even asking if he could sit with you and takes the empty chair beside you, a lopsided smile adorning his lips as he speaks in a deep and somewhat slurred tone.

"Hey, nice to meet you. I'm Josh." He says as he extended a hand out to you.

He was a fairly built guy. Short, brown locks for hair and an interesting shade of green for eyes. His skin was a olive toned, brownish shade. He looked tired, and exhausted. Eyebags hung underneath his eyes, but who's wasn't in this place?

You stare at his hand for a second, contemplating if you really feel like making friends right now. But considering the fact that you'll be there a while, you decide on being friendly.

"Likewise, I'm [Y/n]." You return his handshake, finding it hard to keep eye contact. The only thing you could think about at the moment is how much you didn't want to be in the hospital to begin with.

"So, what's it like here?" You ask with curiosity. "Best to know what's in store for me, right?" You add on in a light joking tone, causing Josh to crack a smile.

"Yeah well it's no luxury hotel, I can tell you that much. I haven't been here long either, only since last night." He admits which makes you visibly deflate, the fear of the unknown starting to get to you.

Josh notices and tries to save the mood.

"Hey hey it's not all bad, on the weekends we get to play games and let loose." He says and is only left with silence. His eyes look around the room for a bit before speaking again.

"Yeah this place fucking sucks." He admits, earning a laugh from you and causing him to smile wide.

Thus, you began sprouting a friendship with Josh in the mental hospital. It mostly consisted of you guys hanging out in the day room, sitting next to each other, cracking jokes, and talking about life at home. That's when you found out why Josh was in-patient in the first place. The death of his two sisters, Hannah and Beth.

Josh was really good at hiding his mental problems, using jokes and dark humor to cope with his trauma. There was only one time where his facade slipped, and it wasn't even in front of you. It was during the middle of your stay. You could tell Josh was acting different that day too. He was a bit more quiet, talked lower, and zoned out a lot more than usual. When he was eventually called away by his therapist to have their daily session, you felt instant bordem sink in.

There wasn't much you could do on weekdays. A TV was mounted on the wall, but the movies you could watch were very limited. You zoned out, thinking about what events in your life led you here. That was until you heard an agonizing scream from outside of the day room, down the halls. A scream that you could only recognize as Josh's voice. A lot of the words he was saying were muffled and inaudible, but you could make out a few words like 'fault' and 'prank'. You couldn't quite understand what was going on and you could tell he was distressed. An hour later, Josh was back from his therapy session and he walked out like nothing happened. You tried not to act awkward about it, but it was a weird moment. You brushed it off and didn't say anything related to it since you assumed he'd tell you if he was comfortable with it.

He never went into detail about what happened with his sisters. It was so vague, you had to piece together that they were dead in the first place. You never pressed him about it though. You knew it was a very sensitive subject, since it's the cause of him being here in the first place. On the other hand, you didn't mind opening up to him on why you were there.

You would show him your scars when no prying eyes were looking once you got comfortable enough with him to share. They were, gruesome. Is how he'd put it lightly. The first time he saw them he made a pretty clear surprised face you mistook for disgust, your insecurities flaring up a bit. But he quickly apologized and carefully caressed your shaking arm with a calming gentleness.

"I-I'm sorry, [Y/n], I just. I've seen some nasty stuff from the other patients but yours takes the cake." He tries to joke with a nervous laugh. It doesn't make you feel better though. He sighs, and retracts his hand while you two sat in silence for a few moments.

He speaks up hesitantly, trying to figure out how to lighten the mood when a thought comes to mind. "If it makes you feel better, even in the slightest. I think they're beautiful." Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What do you mean?" He sighs, lowering his eyes to the ground while rubbing the back of his neck trying to gather his thoughts.

"It's like. It just shows that no matter how much pain and suffering you've been in, you're still here. You're still living. You exist. Your scars show what you've had to endure and that you made it to another day." His capturing green eyes look up at your [e/c] ones, trying hard to convey the sincerety in his voice.

"I just find your strength admirable, ya know? I hope that makes sense.." He smiles anxiously, hoping to the Gods he didn't make himself look like a bigger idiot. He waits a few seconds for your response-when you finally manage a small smile at him.

"Yeah. It makes sense." You softly say, appreciating his words. His grin widened at your smiling face and you two continued chatting about whatever came to your minds the rest of the day.

Both of you became close, as close as a mental hospital would let you. If the staff found out you were sharing your last names with each other, you'd get in trouble. It was strongly discouraged because 'you're here for treatment, not to make friends.' That didn't deter you and Josh though. You ended up learning his last name, 'Washington', and he told you about how his dad is a popular movie director. You kinda had a hunch his family had a lot of money but you didn't expect them to be that rich. He explained how he owned a mountain as well as how him and his friend would go visit their lodge for a few days to a week in the summer and winter. The way he explained the getaway trips made it sound so fun, leaving you longing for an experience like that.

"That sounds amazing!" you'd exclaim everytime he talked about the lodge.

"Next time we go, I'll invite you. I promise." He'd always say, you both making a quiet promise with your pinky fingers. But you never knew how serious he was. You never kept your hopes up about seeing him after you got out, you knew it was a small chance since both your hometowns were hours away from each other.

That was until he slipped you his phone number on a tiny slip of paper. He gave you a playful wink, indicating that you know what to do with it when you get home. It was the last exchange you guys had before Josh was discharged, leaving you to stay there one more night. The last day without him was the hardest. It's like he brought life into the place. You were practically spending everyday with him for 29 days straight, and you got used to his playful presence. It would be a lie to say you didn't develop a small crush on him during your time together.

The second you were out of the hospital and made it home, you just wanted to run up into your room, lock it, and text Josh-clutching the small piece of paper with his number on it close to your chest; brimming with excitement. But alas, your parents wouldn't allow you a moment to be alone. They showered you in love and affection, presenting gifts to you left and right the second you guys stepped inside. You tucked away the paper with a sigh, reminding yourself you'd be able to talk to him soon enough.

After a few hours of hanging in the living room and talking about your stay at Ocean View (only barely mentioning Josh as you didn't want them to question you for another hour) you tell them that you're exhausted and that you wanted to sleep. They reluctantly agree after they insisted you sleep in the living room with them so they could keep an eye on you, which you shut down immediately and reassure that you'd be fine alone.

You hug them goodnight and lug up all the gifts into your room, swiftly locking the door and hurriedly pulling out the notepaper and your phone-punching in the digits a little too eagerly. You already craved his ridiculous jokes and teasing. Once you added his contact, your finger hesitates over the typing section. 'Would he respond?' 'Would he want to talk?' 'Did he actually care about you?' 'Was he pretending the whole time to be your friend just to hurt you in the end for his own entertainment?'

Countless worrying thoughts filled your mind, and your anxiety begins to build. You felt the urge to self-harm to help deal with the stress you felt, even if it was something so minor. It's just how your brain processed these things. But you manage to suppress it somewhat. You take deep breaths, using breathing exercises like your therapist suggested to do when you got like this. Once you calmed down, you began to shoot him a simple text:

You: "Hey Josh, it's [Y/n]. Sorry it took me a bit to text, my parents were talking to me for what felt like forever. How've you been?"

You contemplate if this was a good text; if it seemed too desperate or corny. But you close your eyes and hit send anyway. Conflicting thoughts ran through your brain if this was a good idea or not. You were told it was strictly forbidden to ever become friends with people in the mental hospital by the staff and your therapist because it might be dangerous for both parties. You didn't care during that time, thinking: 'It can't be that bad, right?' And now, you weren't too sure, your overthinking thoughts swirling around like a typhoon.

Until a few seconds later you heard a 'ping' come from your phone. You immediately open your eyes to see what it was; hoping for Josh. And your heart raced when he responded.

Josh: "Well if it isn't Ms. Marbles finally remembering about lil' old me. Took you long enough"

Marbles was a nickname Josh gifted to you so generously in the mental hospital in reference to you quite literally losing your marbles-the cause for you to get admitted. And ironically enough, you really enjoyed playing a marble game with him during game nights so it was a two in one combo.

You roll your eyes with a sigh, relieved that he texted back and also the faint annoyance at such a cringe nickname, but it still made you smile nonetheless.

You: "Marbles? Really? Couldn't keep that dumb name back in Ocean View?"

Josh on the other side of the screen was smiling wide, happy to finally talk to you again once more. He missed your company and voice dearly.

Josh: "You wound my ego, Marbles! I'll have you know I'm the greatest nickname giver in the whole world. So be honored that you were personally given one by me ;)"

You scoff at the text. He was always such a complex and interesting guy. But his shenanigans were amusing to you, so you often didn't mind them. You kinda got used to the name overtime anyways when he'd see you in the day room and call you over by it constantly. Even though you acted like you hated it, deep down, you felt special the moment he gave you a nickname.

For the next 9 months you and Josh continued to stay in contact. You would text, call, Skype, and even play games together like Minecraft from time to time. You got close to each other over the months you spent chatting. He even finally confided in you, albeit the tinest bit, about the death of his sisters.

And you were growing on Josh too. The one thing he'd look forward to everyday is a text from you. Even if he didn't tell you that, even if you didn't know, it still meant a lot to him. He cherished the time you spent together, it didn't matter it was through a screen.

Some time at the end of January he invited you to his 'Anual Blackwood Winter get Away'. You were honestly excited to see him again, and you couldn't wait to hang out with him without having staff breathing down your back 24/7.

So of course you said yes and accepted the invitation. You knew it wouldn't just be you and Josh, his friends would be there too. You also knew that his friends were the indirect cause of his sisters deaths. You honestly didn't know how he was still able to hang out with them in the first place, but he said they expressed terrible regret for their actions which is fair. Only 2 of his friends weren't in on it, which you guess is a comforting thought. It's not like you already hate his friends, you just thought the prank was in bad taste and resulted in a terrible tragedy that no one saw coming. You just felt bad for Josh the most, he's the one who had to face the repercussions of his friends actions; losing both his sisters. You could definitely see it still affected him. No matter how much he insisted he was over it, you could tell he was still grieving.

You were there for him as much as you could be, through a screen. It seemed like he had a friend, Sam, who has been helping support him through this tough time in his life. You're thankful for that.

The day arrived when you had to get ready to go to leave for the trip. You woke up extra early, making sure you had enough time to take a shower and go over everything you packed the previous night. You texted Josh after your shower, asking him about the details of transportation. He said you were supposed to take the same bus as Sam to the mountain, since she was one of his most closest friends, he wanted you two to potentially bond and already have a good connection. You were a little anxious to meet her, but he's told you a lot about her and she seemed to be a really cool person you'd get along with.

You start getting dressed, choosing a warm yet stylish outfit. You slip on black thermal leggings, white leg warmers and black snowboots, a blue and white pleated skirt with a matching blue sweater, a cute black leather jacket over, and white earmuffs. You put the earmuffs around your neck to stay until you reach the mountain.

After checking all your essentials and making sure you had everything, you place your duffle bag over your shoulder and grab your phone-putting in wired earbuds to listen to music while on your way to the bus station during the car ride. Your parents dropped you off, making sure you packed your meds and your charger. They hugged you tightly good bye and drove off. You sat on a bench and began scrolling through your phone as you felt a tap on your shoulder.

"Hey! [Y/n], right?" You look up and recognize the blonde haired girl as Sam, from pictures Josh would show you. You give her a polite smile and nod, taking out an earbud and offer a hand for her to shake.

"Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you." Sam shook your hand, it was soft and warm.

"Likewise, I've heard lots of things about you from Josh. And I mean a lot. He really likes you, you're a good influence on him." Your heart skipped a beat at her words. You didn't think he'd talk about you that much to his friends. But it made you feel happy he thought of you like that.

You two sit and talk for a fat minute, until your bus arrived. Sam and you step aboard, taking a seat close to the back together and continue chatting, talking about each other while the bus drove off to start the journey to your destination.

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

[a/n] omg y'all chapter zero is done and chapter one is coming soon as hell so stay tuned!

-From

🦈 & 🦇

#josh washington x reader #until dawn smut #until dawn #until dawn x reader #josh washington #josh washington smut

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deadricslover · 2 years ago

Text

Relationship dynamics with SV5

here's my masterlist!

a/n: this is the first formula one post on my account! if you read my late night thoughts volume one, then you will know my love for f1

summary: just some relationship dynamics and scenarios with our fave <3

warnings: use of y/n...IM SORRY, language, mentions of sexual themes, long post?

pairings: fem!driver!reader x different eras!Sebastian vettel

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obvious x oblivious

the Australian Formula One race. It has always been one of your favourites to drive. It is clear why you have such a liking for it because you have so many happy memories from there. The time difference from your home country is the one thing you detest; it is impossible to wake up and go to bed at the right times here.

"last year's winner, how are you feeling" your teammate and best friend Fernando asks, nudging your arm and stopping you from what you are doing

"sleep deprived but excited. what about you? did you sleep at all"

"Very little. I watched a few of the films you suggested to tire myself out, but it didn't work" he responds in that all too familiar Spanish accent

you respond, "they were just too exciting" and you giggle a little. You two continue talking while you get ready for the upcoming race in the sweltering heat. Fernando says he is going to do some laps around the paddock to get some fresh air and invites you to come and you agree, needing to get out of the claustrophobic garage. You two are chatting about strategies and the meal you had the previous night until you hear your name being called. Lewis grabbed your attention since he hadn't spoken to you all weekend and wanted to ask you a few questions and say hello. You tell Fernando to keep moving and you'll soon catch up with him.

he agrees and continues walking until he gets to the red bull garage and spots Sebastian.

"hey mate, how's it going?" seb asks the world champion

"all good, man. what about you?" he replies

"good good. Ferrari are looking strong this weekend."

"yeah we are. this track really suits y/n's style of driving so I have high hopes for us this weekend." Fernando compliments, as soon as he says your name he looks over to you and lewis talking and seb follows his line of view to find you. seb secretly-- well, he thought he was subtle but infact he was the complete opposite, seb had a thing for you and Fernando always tried to get him to ask you out but he never had the guts to.

"yeah, she's great" he says, love oozing from him as he stares at your smile when talking to lewis and the way your hair falls.

"seb, seriously. I cant bear this anymore. please ask her out. you've got a hard on right now" Fernando informs the red bull driver

"what?!" he replies, looking down and seeing nothing and realising Fernando had caught him out.

"fuck off" Sebastian replies.

you look over to see Fernando and Sebastian talking and you smile and wave over, completely oblivious to the looks seb is throwing at you. this wasn't the first time though, seb had tried flirting with you before but you always thought it was friendly banter. you never thought Sebastian could have feelings for you.

"y/n's gonna be too tired this weekend anyway so you got off easy." Fernando tells him honestly. He wasn't wrong though, he could straight up say 'i love you' and you would just thank him. the jet lag kills you.

"another day or I swear-" Fernando starts

"okay, I get it. you want me to ask her out. I'm working on it"

"she is also just so oblivious to the signals you're giving her, so it's not entirely you're fault"

"thank you" seb replies sarcastically as he just now is realising that you're unbeknownst to his attempts.

another day... hopefully.

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bf who speaks another language x gf who is learning for him

it's widely known in the formula one community that Sebastian is infact German and German is his first language. for you, however, you don't speak German and you feel like him speaking your native language all the time is a bit unfair. so, you decided to get some lessons and watch some videos to try and learn some German for Seb. he doesn't know about this though and you thought it would be a nice surprise for him. you feel confident enough in your skills now to have a conversation with him. You both were at his parents house for dinner and German was being spoken here and there to accommodate seb's parents.

"Aus diesem Grund werde ich deinen Vater nie wieder kochen lassen" (because of this, I am never ever letting your father cook again) seb's mom tells him and the three of them laugh and so do you, seb looks at you confused and asks

"you don't need to laugh if you don't know what we are saying, basically she said that-" he starts but you cut him off telling him what she said

"she's never letting your dad cook ever again because he destroyed her favourite dish" you inform him and he looks at you lovingly but also even more confused than before.

"how did you know what that meant?" he asks

"I've been learning some German for you. did I get it right?" you answer

"for me? you didn't need to do that, darling" he replies placing a hand on your thigh and drawing shapes on it to show a bit of love.

"it's unfair that you're always speaking English for me, so I need to return the favour"

and with that he couldn't keep his eyes off of you the whole night. for you, it's nothing much, just showing appreciation. but for him, it's everything, the fact you were willing to learn a whole new language just so he could feel a sense of home. he appreciates it more than you know.

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chef bf x gf pro taster

you have spent the whole day with one of your dearest friends who moved away a couple of years ago with her boyfriend, but now, she is back in town as they broke up and you offered her a place to stay until she gathered herself and found her own place, of course you had ran this past Sebastian and he was also okay with it as he knew how close you two were even when she wasn't physically with you. you two just got home from collecting her from the airport and getting lunch while seb was out also doing his own thing.

the aroma coming from the kitchen as soon as you stepped inside was unbeatable, Sebastian had spent the evening cooking a lovely meal for the three of you to eat when you got home. you show your friend to the room she is staying in and then make your way down to the kitchen to see seb. you enter the kitchen to see his back turned to you and he was stirring a pot.

"what are you making" you ask appearing next to him.

he informs you what he is making and the sides he is preparing also. he takes the spoon out if the pot full of the food and blows on it to cool it down before placing it in font of your mouth to taste.

"taste it for me? be careful, it's hot" you say before blowing on it again and taking a bite. it was delicious.

"seb, that's so good" you compliment

"I try" he replies smiling

"is this what it's gonna be like living with you guys for he next couple of weeks?" your friend comments entering the kitchen to find the two of you.

"she is my professional taste tester, I need her opinion" he replies to her and we all just laugh it off and eat dinner which was unreal. if Sebastian failed as a driver, he could have been a chef and would have been a renowned world famous one too. not that he wanted that but he sure could have been.

-------------------------------------------------

overly affectionate x blushes easily

seb is the most affectionate man you have ever met, he always must be showing you love in some way, whether it's holding your hand, bringing you flowers, letting you decide what movie to watch, he just wants you to know how much he appreciates you. he also notices and takes into account, every little thing you do so he can incorporate that into his daily life.

for example, this f1 season had started out great, but a couple of races back, Ferrari had gotten some new upgrades to the car that didn't work and have been jeopardizing your performance. They assured you and Fernando that they would work out and to give them time and experiment different tactics that suits this particular upgrade. Needless to say, you were not looking forward to this race at all. you hear your name being called from the front of the garage, so you walk out to find seb in his racing suit, ready to go but with a t-shirt saying I heart you but with your initials and racing number. you could have kissed him right there but wanted to keep the pda away.

"seb that's so sweet, I love you so much"

"anything for my favorite driver"he replies which makes you blush

"that's a bit biased, don't you think?" you reply while he grabs your hand lightly in his

"I don't care" he smiles

despite you trying to avoid pda for the cameras, you don't care in the moment, so you kiss him. just like you said you wanted to. To be completely honest, with Sebastian you don't really mind showing a little bit of pda because you care for him so much. he just brings that out in you, he brings out the best in you.

the gesture replays in your mind and you start to blush just thinking about it, seb's lips against yours and his hands around your waist add that all add to that blood rush.

"awh, you're blushing." seb teases as he pulls away

"stop" you whine slightly embarrassed at how easy it is for him to get you to blush. again, seb just really brings that out in you.

seb hums in disapproval as if to say no way and places a kiss in your hair whilst keeping you close to seal it all in. you make a mental note to snap a photo of him in this t-shirt to brag to your friends about how much better seb is than their boyfriends....kidding obviously....

------------------------------------------------- I have a pt. 2 if you guys want it!

#deadricslover #f1 #formula 1 #Sebastian vettel x reader #Sebastian vettel fluff #driver x Sebastian vettel #Sebastian vettel imagine #formula one imagine

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woah-were-halfway-there · 9 months ago

Text

The Makeup

aka, The Fight: Pt. 3

a/n: alrightyyyy here's the last part of this bit of the series. i think after this i'll go back to writing the scare when little man is born and mia becoming a big sister if y'all are still wanting to read that :)

word count: 9.3k

“You’re sure you’re ok?” Lexie asked from the other end of the phone. “Do you want me to come to Toronto this weekend? We can do something fun. Get you out of Mitch’s condo and do something other than work.”

“Lexie, I’m fine,” Carson told her best friend while nodding a quick thanks to the Starbucks barista who handed her the drink she ordered. It was nearing the end of her lunch break at work, and this was her last stop before returning to the office. “You’re in Chicago, babe. You don’t have to come all the way here for me.”

“Carson, you’re not fine, so don’t even try to lie to me about it.”

Carson sighed and tried to keep her composure because she didn’t have it in her to cry again.

“I’m trying to be fine, Lex.”

It’d been 13 days since Carson and Auston's fight after she found out he’d been charged and tried keeping it from her. That also meant Carson had been staying with Mitch and Steph for 13 days, and it’d been 13 days since she last spoke to Auston.

Following the fight with Auston, Carson missed a couple of work days as her depression about the situation made her feel like she couldn’t get out of bed. By the end of the work week, she returned to the office only briefly but decided to take an impulse trip to Vancouver to see her dad and sister, Mya and get out of Toronto for a little bit as she navigated her feelings.

After returning from Vancouver three days later, things went back to normal for Carson. Well, as normal as they could.

She went back to work, all while acting like nothing was out of the ordinary and continued staying in the spare bedroom at Mitch and Steph’s place. But she still hadn’t talked to Auston about anything because she didn’t know how.

Carson’s friends and colleagues at work noticed something was up. Gone was the friendly, bubbly girl they came to know and loved having as a new addition to the office, as she became a much quieter and mopey version of herself. To them, it was apparent something had happened, but they didn’t want to overstep if she didn’t want to talk about it.

Two people in that office knew what was happening. Max and Tara worked directly with Carson on the same projects, and in the short month and a half Carson had been working there, she immediately clicked with them. They knew all about Carson’s relationship with Auston, having even met him in a non-work setting when the three of them went out for drinks, and he chatted with them for a little bit before driving himself and Carson home. They knew how absolutely in love Carson and Auston were with each other and how this fight affected Carson.

Max and Tara were Carson’s rock in the office, and despite feeling her chest get heavy while talking on the phone with Lexie, she knew they’d help her get through the rest of the day.

“I know you are, babe,” Lexie spoke softly and sighed, bringing Carson back to reality. “I’m just worried about you. And I miss my best friend.”

“I know, and I appreciate you,” Carson told her honestly. “I miss you too, so freaking much. But I don’t want you to come here while I’m like this. I know you’ve seen me in a worse state, but I’m just trying to decide what I want to do about everything with Auston. This is fucking hard.”

“I still want to give Auston a piece of my mind, but for your sake, I won’t. At least not yet. Have you thought about reaching out to him so you can talk?”

“Of course I have. I miss him, Lex—more than I can explain. I miss him, our conversations, our routine, talking with his family, and the feeling of safety I had being with him. But whenever I think about any of that, I think about how he kept such a big thing from me, and it hurts. I almost cracked and told him I was at the game last week, but I knew he’d want to talk afterwards, and I chickened myself out.”

“I understand,” Lexie sighed again. “But Carse, I’m going to give it to you straight here, okay? If you don’t want to fix things, let Auston know. You also gotta let him know if you want to figure things out. It’s been two weeks, babe. As mad as I am at him for hurting you, I know this entire situation is killing him, too, and I really think he deserves to know where you stand.”

Carson took a moment to respond but slowly nodded her head as she entered the front doors of her office building.

“You’re right,” she agreed. “He’s given me space and been patient. I feel like I’ve been stringing him along, making him wait so long and in the dark. God, I just wish none of this happened.”

“I know, it sucks. But you’ll figure it out, babe. You always do.”

“Thanks, Lexie,” Carson responded and took a deep breath. “I plan on figuring it out soon because I’m over feeling like this. But anyway, I’m almost back in the office, so I've got to go. Love you. I’ll text you tonight.”

“Love you too, girly,” Lexie said. “Keep your head up, and I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”

“Bye!”

Just as Carson hung up her phone and slid it back into her bag, the elevator door opened, and she quickly scanned her pass so she could be taken up to her office floor.

Once she was back at work, Carson was greeted by her coworkers as she passed them and headed toward her office. After she set her bag and iced coffee on the desk, her computer lit up and showed the time. She still had 20 minutes before her lunch was officially over, so she decided that was enough time to eat the last bit of food she had in the fridge.

Max and Tara were still in the breakroom when Carson entered, and she couldn’t help but smile at how it was just the three of them there.

“Carson!” Max greeted her excitedly and waved her over. “You have good fashion taste. Tell me what you think of this sweater. Tara thinks it’s too extra.”

“Let me see,” Carson replied as she grabbed her container of strawberries and joined the other two at the table. Once she was sitting, Max handed her his phone, showing a tie-dye sweater from a website he was looking at. “I like it. Auston has a similar one-.”

Carson immediately cut herself off and shook her head, taken back by her comment. In the last two weeks, she’d only mentioned Auston when talking about what happened. She hadn’t mentioned him in general conversation like she always did before their argument, which didn’t go unnoticed by Max and Tara as they sent each other knowing glances, and Max slowly took his phone back from Carson.

“Well, I doubt something like that would look as good on me as it does on Auston,” he said. “He looks fine in just about anything.”

“Oh, would you stop talking about her man like that? Go find your own to thirst over,” Tara scolded before glancing sideways at Carson and noticing she wasn’t reacting to what they were saying. “Speaking of Auston…”

“Hmm?” Carson hummed, zoning back in on what they were saying.

“Auston, babe,” Max spoke bluntly but softened his voice when Carson looked at him sadly. “Still nothing, huh?”

“No, we haven’t talked,” Carson replied, then stared down at her strawberries, suddenly losing her appetite.

Max and Tara looked at each other again and sighed, knowing full well the toll this was taking on their friend.

“I see you put your necklace back on,” Tara said, nodding to the designer white gold chain around Carson’s neck. “That was a gift from Auston, right?”

“Yeah, it was,” Carson explained as she gently brushed her fingers against the two bands that linked together in the middle, making her love necklace. “He got it for me when I graduated in June. I’d only ever taken it off to have it cleaned before I took it off after our fight. Not having it on felt weird, so I dug it out of my bag to wear it again.”

“I need a man who gifts me, Cartier,” Max tsked, hoping to ease the mood, but regretted it when Carson remained silent. “Carson, honey, is there anything we can do to help?”

“We hate seeing you like this,” Tara added, leaning over to squeeze Carson’s hand. Max quickly joined and placed his hand on top of both of them.

Carson relaxed at their gesture and smiled.

“Sorry, guys,” she responded and took a breath. “Unfortunately, I don’t think much can make me feel better until I talk to him.”

“Understandable,” Max told her with a soft smile. “But also don’t be hard on yourself for taking the time you need to figure out what you want to do.”

“Exactly,” Tara agreed. “If Auston were remotely the type of guy he’s always seemed to be to us, he’d be okay with you taking your time regardless of how he’s feeling.”

“You two always know what to say to make me feel better,” Carson smiled and squeezed both of their hands. “Thank you.”

“We got you,” Max stated.

“Always,” said Tara, patting Carson’s hand before pulling away. “We’ll let you eat your strawberries in peace.”

“OK, guys, I’ll see you out there.”

“And you better actually eat them, or we’ll have issues,” Max threatened as he pushed in his chair and sent Carson a slight glare before following after Tara.

Carson just shook her head as she watched them go, then glanced down at her strawberries again before picking one up and popping it into her mouth.

About 10 minutes later, Carson’s lunchtime was almost over. She stood up from the table and went over to the sink to rinse out her now empty container before heading back to her desk to prep for the remainder of the work day. However, just as she was about to exit the breakroom, she almost ran right into someone.

“I’m sorry,” Carson stammered as she stepped back and looked up to make eye contact with Spencer, another of her coworkers.

“It’s quite alright,” Spencer replied and smiled charmingly. “How are you, Carson?”

“Oh, uh, I’m alright, thanks. How was your weekend?”

“It was good, pretty uneventful.”

Spencer was nice. He had been nothing but friendly toward Carson since she started working in the office, but something just put her off about him. Spencer’s condo wasn’t far from the one she shared with Auston, and for a reason, Carson didn’t understand; he drove to work almost every day and always offered her a ride. Their office was located downtown. Therefore, driving wasn’t always necessary, but Carson would’ve been lying if she didn’t appreciate those rides on days she was running late or the weather was bad.

However, something still rubbed her wrong with him. Spencer was charismatic, meaning he was very good at conversing. He had a way with words and could chat with anyone about anything. But, he also made many comments that had Carson pausing, feeling as though he was hitting on her, which she’d always responded to, making it known she was in a relationship.

Spencer knew she was in a relationship, but there were still times he tested those boundaries, and Carson hated it. She didn’t think this would be one of those times.

“That’s nice,” Carson told him with a smile and internally hoped the conversation would end there. “Anyways, I should probably get back to my desk.”

Carson nodded, and Spencer did the same back, but before she could walk around him, he spoke up again.

“Wait, Carson, before you go, I was hoping I could ask you something.”

“Oh, sure, of course. What’s up?”

“Are you free to get drinks with me today after work?” He asked, making Carson go stiff.

“As colleagues?” Carson hesitantly asked, but she knew better. She was sure Spencer’s intentions weren’t just friendly, but that was a boundary she needed to set.

“I was thinking it could be more like a date if you’re interested.”

“Spencer, no. I have a boyfriend. I’m not interested in you like that at all. I’m sorry.”

Spencer’s entire demeanour changed at that.

“I see,” he said and adjusted his posture, looking slightly more intimidating. “I thought you and the hockey player broke up.”

“I- no, we’re still in a relationship,” Carson explained, despite feeling a little unsure. She and Auston were still together, right?

“You stopped mentioning him, and I noticed you turned the pictures of the two of you on your desk around, so I figured you called it quits.”

There was something about his tone that Carson didn’t like. Maybe it was ignorance. Perhaps it was arrogance. Either way, though, it pissed her off.

“We didn’t break up,” Carson confirmed out loud, mainly to reassure herself. “Things are… rough right now. But we’re still together.”

Spencer scoffed.

“I doubt this will be the only time he hurts you, Carson. Maybe you’re just too naive to see that.”

“And maybe you’re just a dick who made an assumption and then got his ego hurt by a girl who is not and will never be interested in him.”

Spencer blinked, surprised at how she snapped at him, but didn’t say anything.

“This conversation is over,” Carson continued, seething. “But before I go, just know that if you attempt to corner me or anyone in the office like this again, I’ll ensure HR knows all about it.”

Nothing else could be said, so Carson stepped around him and wasn’t stopped.

Part of her wanted to cry as she beelined for her office. She was annoyed and frustrated with the situation, but one thought was prominent in everything she felt: her desire to talk to Auston.

The remainder of Carson’s work day went by quickly despite an anxious nagging feeling she had. Spencer kept his distance while Max and Tara promptly addressed the tension between him and Carson, but not in a way Spencer would hear it. Tara immediately messaged in the group chat with Max and Carson, asking what happened, which Carson filled them in on. She ended the conversation by admitting that the ordeal with Spencer made her want to talk to Auston because she hated not knowing where they stood.

Carson then internally admitted that although she was still hurt and upset with Auston, she still loved him and wanted to be with him. But she didn’t know how to go about it. For all she knew, Auston thought she was overreacting and didn’t want to wait for her to come back around. Of course, she didn’t want to believe that could happen, but Carson’s brain could be so damn mean to her sometimes.

But that’s what she needed to remind herself. Her brain was just mean. There was no way for Carson to know the future of her and Auston’s relationship if she didn’t talk to him. It wasn’t fair to Auston or herself to make assumptions and let that scare her away without first talking to him about it.

Her mind was scrambled, so Max and Tara convinced her to leave the office early and have time to collect her thoughts in a place that wasn’t the office. Carson was hesitant to leave early, but she had completed everything she needed to do that day before her lunch break and got a head start on some other things despite feeling all jumbled. About an hour went by, and she was still on the fence about leaving, but that changed when Spencer went to the photocopier that directly viewed Carson’s office despite a different photocopier being closer to the break room and his office.

Carson went stiff when she saw him walk by and didn’t miss the way he looked into her office as he went. He said nothing, but Carson was not up for playing any of his petty little games. So, after sending a message to her supervisor explaining all the work she’d completed that day and asking if it was alright if she went home early, Carson wasted no time packing up her things and leaving the office once told it was okay to leave. She didn’t even look in Spencer’s direction as she stormed out of her office, only stopping to say bye to Max and Tara and waving at those she passed on her way out.

When Carson arrived at Mitch and Steph’s condo, it was quiet. She knew Steph had things to do that day, meaning her friend probably wasn’t home, but she wasn’t sure about Mitchy.

The Leafs played against St. Louis that night, so it was likely that her cousin was home having a pregame nap before he had to get ready to go to the arena. Carson glanced at her watch to see it was nearing three in the afternoon. Therefore, it’d be odd if Mitch wasn’t home, so she tried her best to be quiet as she took off her heels before heading to the guest room to put her work things in there and maybe watch a show. However, she didn’t make it far when a familiar brown lab entered the hallway and rushed toward her excitedly.

“Hi, Zeusy boy,” Carson quietly greeted the dog as she crouched to his level and scratched behind his ears. “Is your dad sleeping?”

“Nah, I’m right here,” Mitch said as he entered the hallway. He was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts, and his hair was dishevelled, showing that he had been lying down.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Mitchy. Did I wake you up?”

“No, you’re good. I was just scrolling on my phone. You’re home early, though. Everything alright?”

“Uh, yeah,” Carson mumbled as she stood back up and smoothed her blouse. “I finished all of my work early and have a really good start on the stuff I have to do for the rest of the week. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind. I know I’m not in the office for the rest of the week now because my boss is away, but I didn’t want to be there anymore today. ”

“I see,” Mitchy responded, then narrowed his gaze at his cousin, knowing something was bothering her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Of course, she wanted to talk to her twin about everything bugging her, but Carson didn’t want to bother Mitch with her problems.

“No, no, it’s ok. You have to start getting ready soon anyway. I think I’m just going to curl up and watch a show. Have a chill night in.”

“Carson.”

The look Mitch gave her as he crossed his arms showed that he wasn’t impressed by her answer, which made Carson sigh.

“Fine,” she huffed. “Let me change into something comfy, and then I’ll tell you.”

Mitch smirked at her triumphantly before calling for Zeus to follow him to the living room, and Carson went to the guest room. A few minutes later, she emerged in the hallway again wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, then made her way to the living room and curled up on the couch next to her best friend.

Carson spent the next few minutes telling Mitch what happened with Spencer at the office, including the back story of how he’d been flirty before despite knowing she was in a relationship. She then explained what Spencer said after she turned him down and what was on her mind afterwards.

“First off, fuck that guy,” Mitch said once Carson finished her spiel.

“I know, he sucks,” Carson agreed, then took a sip of the water bottle Mitch had grabbed for her.

“I’m glad you put him in his place, but it wouldn’t hurt to report him to HR or something, Carse.”

“I know, I’m going to tomorrow. I don’t want him to make anyone else in the office feel like I did today.”

“Good,” Mitchy replied, nodding his head, then stopping and glancing at his cousin again. “And you think you want to talk to Auston again now?”

Carson sighed.

“Yeah, I do. I miss him, Mitchy, and I need to know where we stand. It’s just frustrating because I still don’t know what I feel or what to do, but I know I need to talk to him. How is he? Is he good?”

“Matts? I mean, yeah, he’s alright. Same old now that the season has started. Not much else is going on at the moment. He asks about you a lot, though. Every day I see him, actually. He misses you too, Carse. I don’t want you to think he doesn’t. But, you gotta do what you think is best for you.”

“But I don’t know if what I want is what’s best for me,” Carson stressed, pushing her hair away from her face as she inhaled. “And that’s the thing. Can I trust Auston again after keeping such a big thing from me? I may have never known if the media didn’t get their hands on the information. Although part of me wishes I was as oblivious to the fact as I was two weeks ago, I still can’t believe it even happened and knowing that it did is a lot. But this is something I’d want to know. I just- how many other significant things hasn’t he told me? Is it too naive of me to want to think he wouldn’t keep something like this from me again?”

“It was extremely dumb for him not to tell you,” Mitch started. “It was even more ridiculous for him to do what he did, whether it was a drunken mistake or not. I will say, though, Auston seems to be learning from it. He’s trying, and that’s really all anyone can ask for. Of course, it doesn’t improve the situation, but he’s being cooperative. And I know one thing he really wants to fix is his relationship with you as he navigates moving forward from this. However, if you don’t think that’s best for you, you’ve gotta listen to that. I can’t see you tearing yourself up because of a relationship again, Carse. I’ve already made Auston clear of my feelings about the situation, and we’re okay now, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to say, ‘Yes, you two should figure things out and not break up.’ I love you and Auston together and am always rooting for you guys, but I’ll always care most about your happiness. You’re my best friend. And if you think Auston is who will still make you the happiest, you can’t let anyone make you think otherwise. If you can forgive him, great. But if not, I’ll still be in your corner and we’ll figure it out.”

Carson stayed silent for a moment, processing Mitch’s words. She inhaled deeply, reached up to wipe away a tear that broke free from her watering eyes, and then sniffled before looking back at her cousin.

“I wish I knew what to do, Mitchy. I wish I could go back to him and not be afraid he’d hurt me like this again. And I know I may have overreacted when all of this happened, but it was like being slapped in the face. I was blindsided, and now I feel like I’m in a hole. I don't know how to escape.”

“I know,” Mitch told her softly. “But I think you gotta do what you told me when we started this conversation, and that’s talk to Auston. You won’t know what you want regarding your relationship with him if you don’t.”

“You’re right,” Carson agreed. “I just have to build the courage to reach out to him. It should probably be soon, though, huh?”

“Carson, let me tell you it has been so pathetic seeing him mope over you,” Mitchy stated, making Carson cover her mouth, attempting to hide her chuckle. “Like good, he should know he fucked up, but Auston is so miserable because he misses you, and I can’t even tease him about it because the nice guy in me doesn’t want to make him feel worse.”

“Wow, how considerate of you,” Carson teased while Mitch nudged her with his shoulder. Carson pushed back, but soon enough, they stopped, and Carson leaned her head onto her cousin's shoulder. “Thanks for always looking out for me, Mitchy.”

“Gotta make sure my twin is always okay,” he responded, leaning his head against hers. “Like your mom used to say, it’s the two of us against the world.”

“It is. And I’m lucky to have you as my best friend backing me up every step of the way.”

“You really are stuck with me.”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Carson chuckled, then sat up again so she could look at Mitch. “But, you need to start getting ready, or else you’ll be late.”

“Shit, you’re right,” Mitch stated, quickly getting off the couch to gather his things. “You’re coming to the game tonight, no?”

“I don’t think so, Mitchy. I’m going to watch from here with Zeus. I don’t want to be back there just yet.”

“OK, fair. You’re welcome to join us after the game, though. Steph will want you there. I can give you a heads up if Auston comes out or not, too.”

“I appreciate it, but I’m ok,” Carson insisted. “I think I’m going to watch the game from here and think about what to do.”

“Alright. Promise to update me if anything happens or you decide you do want to come out?”

“I promise. Now go get ready.”

Mitch was ready and out of the condo within half an hour. Once he was gone, Carson put on Netflix and watched an episode of her show with Zeus before Steph got home. She was in a rush, too, having to get ready since she was going to the game that night with some of the other girlfriends. She tried multiple times to convince Carson to join her, but Carson was adamant about having an evening to herself, which Steph respected.

“I know you don’t want to come, but you’re sure there’s nothing I can do before I leave?” Steph asked as she battled with zipping up one of the tall boots she decided to wear that evening.

“I’m sure, Steph. You and Mitch have done enough for me,” Carson told her. “Go have fun tonight.”

“I’d have more fun if you came with me,” the blonde pouted, making Carson roll her eyes and smile at the dramatics. “But it’s fine, I’m fine. I’m sure Zeusy will love having you to hang out with.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Carson then began scratching behind Zeus’ ears, which earned her a content noise from the chocolate lab before Steph spoke again.

“Ok. I’m going. You know to help yourself to any food or whatever, but please text me if you need anything or change your mind about coming.”

“You know I will,” Carson told her honestly. “I’ll watch from here and see you when you’re back tonight.”

“Ok, ok, I won’t press you anymore,” Steph said as she came over to give Zeus some love before leaving. “Alright, actually going now. Love ya!”

“Love ya too, have fun!”

And with that, it was just Zeus and Carson watching another episode of her show before it was game time.

Soon enough, the game started, and Carson hated that seeing Auston on the TV screen was still enough to feel a pang in her chest, but there was no arguing, just how much she missed him. As the game went on, Carson found herself paying more attention to Auston whenever the camera showed him than she did to the actual game, and before she knew it, the game was over.

The Leafs lost to the Blues, but Carson kept the channel on as post-game media started. She watched Will and Freddie do interviews and then felt her breath hitch when Auston came on the screen again. Hearing his voice answer questions about the game really hit her. It’d been almost two weeks since she last heard it, yet it still soothed her. She watched the entire interview, noticing how, along with the silver chain Auston wore around his neck, he was also wearing the Cartier love necklace that matched the one she wore. Both pieces of jewelry peaked out from Auston’s shirt, but when reporters kept bombarding him with questions, Carson noticed how he reached up to fiddle with the love necklace, gently rubbing his thumb over the two circles that linked in the middle.

It was then Carson decided she needed to talk to him as soon as possible. She wasn’t beating around the bush anymore; she knew they needed to speak, and there was no point in pushing it back then chickening out. But, as she waited to reach out to Auston, hoping he was home, her nerves returned, and she started convincing herself it wasn’t a good idea.

Carson’s heart pounded as she glanced at her phone again from where it lay between her and Zeus on the couch and debated what to do.

It was nearing 10:30pm. It had been over an hour since the game ended, and Carson knew Mitch and Steph wouldn’t return home immediately. Instead, they had plans to go out with some of the other guys and their girlfriends since the Leafs didn’t play for another few days. Mitch and Steoh invited Carson to join again, but she declined because she felt uncomfortable being the odd one out.

Carson didn’t know if Auston went with the group. There was a good chance that he did, and that was feeding into her debate about not calling him, but she wanted to. She needed to talk to him.

So, with a deep breath to calm her heart, Carson unlocked her phone. She opened the messages app and didn’t need to scroll to find her conversation with her boyfriend.

Carson felt like the wind was knocked out of her when she saw Auston’s name with the red heart emoji beside it and the photo of them in Arizona that past summer set as his contact picture. That feeling didn’t go away as she glanced at the text thread between them.

Despite not properly talking for almost two full weeks, Auston still messaged her every one of those days since their fight, saying that he loved her, missed her, was sorry and hoped she had a good day. The day after their fight, he still tried calling in hopes that Carson would pick up, but during his talk with Mitch, he was reminded that his constant calling was a bit overwhelming for her as she navigated her feelings about the situation. So, Auston opted to send texts.

Carson didn’t read or respond to any of those texts when she received them, but she found comfort as she scrolled through and read each one at that moment. In the days following their argument, she didn’t know what to think or feel, but receiving those texts made her feel normal. They were part of her routine, and although it was hard for her not to read them or respond, Carson thought she couldn’t until she knew what she wanted to say. Auston continued to send those messages despite her ignoring them, showing that he still cared and was willing to be patient with her like he always had been for the entirety of their knowing each other.

This was why Carson decided it was her turn to be patient with him and hear him out in a calmer setting than the last conversation they had almost two weeks prior. So, with another deep breath, she tapped his name at the top of the screen and hit the call button when it popped up.

It didn’t even take two full rings for him to pick up.

“Carse?” Auston’s voice sounded through the phone, making Carson’s breath hitch again. God, she missed him so much.

“H-hey,” Carson stammered before pausing in an attempt to recollect herself. “How are you?”

“I, uhm, I’m okay,” he responded, sounding surprised and as if he was still processing that he was talking to her. “Busy with hockey stuff, same old. How are you?”

“I’ve been better, and I’m sure you are. I still can’t believe you’ve got that ‘A’ on your jersey now, Aus. You deserve it. I was so proud seeing it for the first time in person during the home opener.”

“You were at that game?”

Carson nodded, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Yeah,” she almost whispered. “Mitch and Steph were trying to convince me to go 'cause I was originally going to watch from their place, but I didn’t decide until the last minute to actually go. So, I bought a ticket and went alone.”

“I wish you had told me,” Auston told her softly, which pulled on her heartstrings. “I would’ve wanted to know that you were there.”

“I know, but I didn’t know how Auston. Just seeing you out there made me so happy but so sad at the same time.”

Auston sighed at that.

“Carson, please know how sorry I am. I’ve spent the last two weeks beating myself up so much over this, and not saying I don’t deserve it, but fuck. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” Carson admitted, deciding there was no need to hide her feelings from him.

“Is that why you called?” Auston asked, his voice a mix of unsureness and hopefulness.

“It is. I, um, I know it’s late, but are you home? Maybe I could come over, and we can talk.”

“Yes, please. I just got back. Please come home er-, I mean over. Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No, it’s okay,” Carson responded quickly, not wanting to be in such close proximity to him until she was at the condo. “Thank you, though.”

“Then, at the very least, let me order an Uber over here for you,” Auston suggested, not missing a beat.

“Auston, you don’t have to do that.”

“I insist. Please let me order it. I’d feel better if I could make sure you get here safely. Would they be picking you up from Mitch’s?”

“Ok,” Carson sighed in defeat. “And yes, it’s just Zeusy and me here.”

“Ok, perfect,” Auston said. “It says they’ll be there in five minutes. Is that too soon?”

“No, that’s great. I’ll put on my shoes and head downstairs.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

“Love y-,” Carson started but immediately cut herself off, then internally cursed herself because who was she kidding? Of course, she still loved him. “I’ll see you soon. Bye, Auston.”

Once she hung up the phone, Carson wasted no time getting off the couch and rushing to the front door to get her sneakers on.

“I’m sorry, Zeusy,” Carson muttered to the lab, who was rudely awoken from his slumber when she stood up but was still happy as he trailed after her. Zeus looked up at her expectantly, thinking he was going outside with her, and Carson felt terrible for leaving him behind, wasting no time to crouch down and pet him after her sneakers were on. “I know. I’m the worst for not taking you outside again, even though I did an hour ago. But how about I give you a treat? Will that make up for it?”

Zeus’ tail started wagging at that, so Carson quickly stood up straight again and ran into the kitchen to grab him a treat. Then, with one final pet goodbye, she rushed out the door.

As Carson waited for the elevator, she texted Mitch and Steph to tell them she was going over to Auston’s to talk because she knew they’d come back wondering where the hell she had gone otherwise. Both were quick to text back.

“Good luck, babe. Let me know how it goes,” read Steph’s message.

“Are you sure? Are you staying there? I’ll wait up so you can tell me what’s going on,” Mitch texted back, making Carson smile at the difference between the two messages. They both cared but in very different ways.

She messaged them each back, saying she’d keep them posted, then entered the elevator and went to the lobby. Upon seeing her reflection in the mirror that covered the elevator wall, Carson made an unimpressed noise. The thought of changing hadn’t even crossed her mind as she rushed out of Mitch’s condo, but she sure didn’t love that the first time she talked to Auston in person in two weeks, she’d be wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. Carson quickly reached up to take her long brown hair out of the messy bun it was in and tried to make it look presentable, but then remembered Auston wouldn’t care about her looking like that. He’d seen her in similar outfits over the almost three years they’d been in a relationship.

Carson knew she didn’t need to impress him but still wished she looked a little better than she did.

Once the elevator reached ground level, Carson inhaled as she stepped off and entered the lobby. Her phone buzzed with a text, and she was half expecting it to be Mitch or Steph, but it was Auston letting her know the details about the car that was picking her up. Carson replied to his message this time and let him know she saw the car was waiting outside. Auston asked her to tell him when she was in the car and when she got to their condo so he knew everything was alright, and Carson promised she would.

When she entered the Uber waiting outside, the driver expressed his surprise after Carson confirmed they were picking up a rider named Auston.

“Not going to lie, I thought I was picking up Auston Matthews, the Leafs player, for a minute when I saw the name,” the driver explained, and Carson had to contain the smile she felt tugging at her lips.

“No, sorry, just me,” she responded, chuckling but not telling them she was indeed on her way to see the Auston Matthews.

“That’s alright, maybe another time,” the driver teased, then turned their focus back to the road as they drove.

It was a short drive. In all honesty, Carson had walked to and from the two condo buildings many times before, but with it being so late, she didn’t want to be out walking alone. She also knew that if she’d even mentioned the thought of walking, Auston would’ve shut the idea down immediately. The Uber driver didn’t ask questions about the short trip either and made small talk, ironically about the Leafs, since that was the first thing they and Carson had discussed.

A few minutes later, after thanking her driver and getting out of the car, Carson was standing outside the condo building that she began calling home a little over a month prior. Another wave of nervousness hit her, but she quickly shook it off as she entered the building.

She got into the building easily, still having her keys and fob to allow her access. The concierge at the front desk recognized her, nodding and smiling as she walked by and went straight for the elevator to take her to her and Auston’s floor.

Carson almost walked right into the condo out of force of habit once she arrived at the door. However, her nagging thoughts made her stop just before she could and opted to knock instead. It didn’t take long for Auston to open the door.

He looked good, really good. He was clad in a simple outfit, a black Raiders sweater and a pair of grey sweatpants that Carson always complimented on how good they made his butt look. His hair was a little damp still from his postgame shower, and a shadow of a beard was growing, showing it’d been some time since he last shaved. Carson stood there in silence momentarily, just taking in being in the presence of her boyfriend once again.

“Hey,” Auston spoke up, snapping Carson from her trance. She didn’t realize how tense she was until she felt herself relax just by being so close to him again.

“Hi,” Carson replied, her voice already cracking. Tears immediately pooled in her eyes, suddenly reminding her of all the emotions she’d felt since the last time she and Auston spoke.

“Oh, Carse.”

It didn’t require any thinking. The moment Auston saw those tears, he stepped towards Carson and pulled her into his embrace. The gesture felt so natural. Carson immediately melted into his touch and wrapped her arms around his middle in a tight embrace while instinctively hiding her face against his chest, letting the familiar scent of his favourite body wash surround her.

“I missed you,” she whispered after the two of them stood there holding each other for a moment.

“I’ve missed you more than I’ve ever missed anything in my life, Carson,” Auston replied, not missing a beat while tightening his squeeze around her. “I don’t want to open my eyes right now because what if I do and you’re not actually here? And this was just a fever dream?”

Carson couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her mouth as she shook her head, still pressed against his chest, and then finally moved back and looked at him. Still, neither of them unwrapped their arms from around the other.

“I’m here. And we need to talk, Auston.”

“I know, I know,” Auston spoke softly as he finally let go of Carson, but only to reach up so he could cup her cheeks and use his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “God, I’m so happy to see you. But, you’re right. Let’s go inside so we can talk.”

Carson nodded in agreement and let her arms fall from Auston’s waist to her sides again, but Auston was quick to reach down his right hand and link it with her left hand, squeezing it after Carson intertwined their fingers, then leading her into the condo.

Once inside, Carson glanced around after she took her shoes off and walked further inside, not sure what she was expecting. Not a thing was changed. The same fluffy grey throw blanket she bought was still on the couch except instead of it being draped over the side neatly, it was bunched up and tossed to the side, indicating Auston had been using it. Her gaze then drifted to the walls and nearby bookshelf, which still had the same pictures of her and Auston and others of them with their friends and families displayed. On the bookshelf was her collection of books and trinkets she adored and the TV showed the paused episode of The Office Auston must’ve been watching when she called.

Carson felt at home again for the first time in two weeks and it was a perfect feeling.

“Uhm, can I get you water or anything?” Auston asked after a moment of observing Carson look around their living room, not missing how a small smile tugged at her lips as she did so.

“I’m alright, thank you,” Carson replied as she shook her arms so the sleeves of her sweater would fall since she’d pushed them up in the Uber. The sweater was large on her and it showed in the way the sleeves covered most of her hands. She then began to fiddle with and rub the hem of the sleeve between her fingers, something she tended to do when she felt uneasy or anxious. Auston knew that and wished she wasn’t feeling such a way, but mostly wished she didn’t feel that way because of him.

“Of course. Should, uh, should we sit?”

“Yeah, let's.”

The two of them made their way to the couch and sat down next to each other. It was a comfortable distance, but there was still a noticeable space between them which felt a thousand times bigger to Auston. He hated it. If it were up to him Carson would be right next to him with her legs over his thighs, both cuddled under the throw blanket as she told him about her day and he played with her hair while listening. He was yearning but was brought back to reality when Carson spoke again.

“I think you should start.”

“R-right,” Auston stuttered, shaking his little daydream from his head but not being able to hide how lost in his thoughts he got momentarily. However, he knew exactly what he wanted to say, he’d been thinking about it for almost two weeks. “You’re right. And I’m just going to start with how sorry I am, Carse. I’m sorry for what I did in Arizona and how it affected someone because of my ignorance and stupid drunk actions. I’m sorry that when me and you last talked, I didn’t take ownership of how I messed up. I know that what I did wasn’t ok. I wish I could take it all back. And I’m sorry that during all of this, I hurt you. I should’ve been honest with you about the charge as soon as it happened. It’s not an excuse, but I was embarrassed and didn’t want you to be ashamed of me. I told my family I would tell you, which is why they didn’t say anything, but I was a coward. It’s not that I didn’t trust you whatsoever, Carson. I trust you with everything I have, I was just stupid and thought I could ignore what happened. That it wouldn’t matter and I could move on with life normally. I should’ve known better. I made a huge mistake and I’m learning from it. I know I’m better than this, but I want to learn from it so I can move forward properly and nothing like this ever happens again. I don’t expect you to fully forgive me right away either, but you make me a better person. I know I can learn a lesson and grow from this. But, I really want you by my side as I do, if you’re still willing.”

Carson was so tired of crying, but she couldn’t stop the tears flowing as she hung on to every word Auston said to her. This conversation was already so different from the last one they had. She could tell the toll everything was taking on him and knew the weight of it all was crushing. But, he was taking full responsibility, seemingly accepting that this all happened on his own accord.

“I’m proud of you, Auston,” Carson spoke softly as she wiped her tears away with the sleeves of her sweater. “I feel like I’m having a conversation with a completely different person than I did two weeks ago.”

Auston felt good hearing that. During their fight, Carson voiced that she didn’t feel like she was talking to the man she loved. That, in that moment, he didn’t feel like home anymore to her, which hit Auston hard because Carson would always say it didn’t matter where they were as long as they were together, because he was her home. Hearing her say that was what pushed him over the edge that night truly realizing how badly he fucked up, but it was too late. Carson was already heading out the door and Auston couldn’t stop her.

“It shows me that you are learning from this and that’s really good,” she continued. “You owe that to that woman you distressed. But also the team, the fans, your family and yourself.”

“I owe it to you, too.”

“I appreciate you saying that, but this isn’t about me. However, that does lead me to talk about us.”

Carson paused to take a breath, already feeling herself get emotional again, but was soon met by Auston gently linking their hands together and stroking his thumbs over her knuckles. When she didn’t pull away, Auston gave her hands a reassuring squeeze.

“When I found out you kept something so significant away from me, I was hurt,” Carson said. “I felt betrayed, but also shocked because I never ever thought I’d feel the way I did and you being the one that caused it. I felt everything we built together, was a lie. Our castle was crumbling down because it seemed like you couldn’t trust me and I wasn’t sure I could trust you to not keep important things from me again. It was devastating feeling that way about the man I love more than anything in this world. We’re partners, Auston. And you didn’t treat me like one doing that.”

“I know, and again, I am so sorry, Carson. I never wanted you to feel that way and I feel terrible for being the reason you did. I-I can’t blame you for leaving,” Auston’s voice trailed off at the end of his sentence as he felt the words getting stuck in his throat. “Watching you walk out that door was one of the worst nights of my life. You’re my rock and suddenly that was gone and it was all my fault. I hardly slept not knowing when or if you’d come back, but I had to keep hoping, praying that you would. Part of me convinced myself Mitch was going to tell me that you weren’t coming back ever and I don’t know what I would’ve done if he did. I was a mess, I still am. These last two weeks have been hell and I deserved it. And I’m not saying this to guilt you into making a decision now, but Carse, if you did want to leave and not come back to this, us, I need to know. The not knowing is killing me. I don’t want to lose you, but I need to know if I have.”

Carson inhaled deeply again.

“The thing about these last two weeks, with how upset and angry I was at myself and you and the situation, not once did I think I no longer wanted to be with you. I love you, Auston. I knew I didn’t want to break up, but I wasn’t sure if staying in a relationship with you was what would be best for me. I fell into a depressive hole myself. I never thought I’d feel that low because of you and I wasn’t sure if I could forgive and move on or if this would have me feeling I could never trust you again. I can’t let myself get this destroyed by the person who is supposed to be my partner again, not after my ex. But, Auston, you are not him. You never will be him and that’s why, even with the space we’ve had since our fight, I knew I’d be coming back to you. I love you too fucking much to not even try to work through this and move forward together. I don’t want you to think we’re over because of this.”

Auston didn’t realize just how many tears had welled in his eyes until he let out a relieved sigh and smiled, allowing a couple of those tears to break free and stream down his face.

“You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that,” he said and squeezed her hands again.

“You have no idea how badly I needed to get that off my chest and actually tell you,” she replied and let out a small laugh at how emotional they both were. “God, we’re such messes.”

“I’ll accept being the biggest mess ever to exist if it means you’ll be by my side as I clean myself up.”

“Well, I can tell you that I’m not going anywhere. I mean it, Auston. You haven’t lost me.”

“Thank, God,” Auston sighed, feeling like so much weight had been lifted off his chest. “We’re good?”

“We’re good,” Carson confirmed, smiling as Auston let go of her hands and then held his arms out. She was quick to launch herself into his embrace and hold on for dear life while he fell back onto the couch cushion and she laid on top of him, feeling the safest and most content she had in weeks. “I’m glad to be home.”

“I’m never going to give you a reason to feel like you have to leave home again, Carse. That’s a promise.” Auston declared as he kissed the top of her head and started playing with her hair. “I love you, Carson.”

“And I love you, Auston,” Carson replied as she moved her head from Auston’s chest so she could look at him.

The two lay there for a moment looking at each other as Auston continued playing with Carson’s hair, debating his next move. He couldn’t help the way his gaze drifted to her lips, missing the way they felt against him so badly. He wanted nothing more than to cup her cheek with his hand and close the small gap between them with the kiss he craved. However, even though Auston knew he and Carson were good, he also knew they weren’t back to normal. Things being normal again would take time and Auston was ok with that. It didn’t matter how much time it may take because he had his love back and he wasn’t going to take any chances with anything that could push her away again.

Much to Auston’s pleasant surprise, though, Carson was the one to delicately place her hand under his chin and tilt it up before crashing her lips against his in a sweet, intimate kiss.

As soon as their lips met, Auston deepened the kiss as he wrapped his arm around her and rolled them over so that Carson’s back would be on the couch and he was on top. He used one arm to hold himself up and keep most of his weight off of her while his other hand cupped her cheek and jaw to prevent the kiss from breaking, finally getting what he had spent the last two weeks yearning for.

After a few moments of kissing, they pulled away to look at each other and laugh at how out of breath they both were. But that didn’t stop Auston from leaning in and stealing one more kiss.

“Will you stay over tonight?” He asked softly, not wanting her to feel pressured if she wasn't ready to come back home fully yet. “It’s an off day tomorrow and Mitch mentioned you weren’t going into the office, we could go get your work stuff from his place in the morning then come back here and have a lazy day together. Only if you want to, of course.”

“I would love that,” Carson replied, then pecked his lips again. “Let me tell Mitch and Steph I won’t be back tonight first, then can we go to bed? I’m exhausted.”

“Of course, beb.”

After they untangled themselves from each other and Carson texted Mitch and Steph to say she was staying, she and Auston turned off the lights before heading to the bedroom together. Carson felt so good after changing into a pair of her pyjamas she grabbed them from the dresser and then crawled into her bed after a long, almost two weeks. The best part, though, was being back in that bed with Auston. He felt better too having Carson in his embrace again as he fought to stay awake, wanting to make sure she fell asleep first. Once she did, Auston let his tiredness take over him too and both he and Carson had one of the best sleeps of their lives, together again.

#auston matthews fanfiction #auston matthews imagines #auston matthews imagine #nhl imagines #nhl headcanon #nhl fanfiction #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #hockey rpf #hockey writing #nhl headcanons

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kirythestitchwitch · 1 year ago

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Klaroline WIP Wed - freaky friday time travel fic

my prompt was the future Caroline Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes swap places and I was like, okay, I am going to shoehorn an entire plot in here after prom but before graduation. author is loading canon and firing it into the sun

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The package was sitting innocently enough on the porch swing when Caroline got home from school. After a weird day of fielding concerned questions from her peers about Elena’s whereabouts–Stefan and Damon locking her in the Boarding House all weekend after prom was a last-ditch effort that looked like it wasn’t working–Caroline wasn’t really in the mood for a surprise.

When a cautious sniff towards the box brought her the acrid smell of oil paint and turpentine, though, she had to bite down on her smile. The smell liked to cling to Klaus after he’d been painting all morning, as she’d discovered two days ago, the morning after prom. She’d been crossing the Square, coming from the Sheriff’s department toward the Mystic Grill to meet Matt for lunch and flashcards, when her name being called pulled her head back to the here and now.

“Caroline!” Klaus’ smile was delighted to see her as he crossed the street to meet her on the grass, dimples brighter on his face than the sunshine, and god wasn’t that cheesy and ironic, just like her agreement to be friends with the nightmare creature that had plagued their lives for months. Even stranger, that she actually wanted to. Okay, maybe he hadn't been plaguing their lives very hard recently. What with the others unleashing Evil Dead and Elena taking home all the queen bitch prizes previously scooped up by Katherine, Klaus had almost seemed like your friendly neighborhood serial killer in comparison.

She waited until he caught up, swinging a large brown paper bag by string handles. “A word of advice?” she offered. He raised his eyebrows in intrigued curiosity. “Don’t go loudly chatting up the Sheriff's teenage daughter in the middle of town when you look like… that,” She gestured at all of him, including his loose-necked henley and comfortable jeans liberally smeared with paint, “Unless you want to get called a dirty old man behind your back.”

The laugh was practically startled out of him. He looked like an artist grad student at most, the kind that would debauch you on the furniture props, but judging by the slightly judgy looks from a few faces she could see around the square, that was too old for just barely eighteen Caroline. Oh yeah, Liz would be hearing about this before the day was out, and wasn't that just what Caroline needed?

Klaus leaned forward slightly, for all the world looked like he was sharing confidences with her. "Do you find me old, sweetheart?" he asked, dimples on display.

"Ancient, decrepit," she deadpanned.

His voice dropped a little softer, and unconsciously this time she leaned in a little to hear him. “You know our kind don’t measure time in years, sweetheart, it’s more about experiences.”

With a scoff and an eye roll, she leaned back. “Oh my god, you did not just ‘Age is just a number’ me. It’s jail for you, sir.”

“Mmm, they haven’t built a prison that can hold me yet, but if you prefer that sort of role-play, I'm sure I could think of something,” he said cheekily.

“Wow, okay!” She laughed, trying not to think of ‘Klaus’ and ‘role-play’ in the same context, “You are feeling much better than the last time I saw you.”

He seemed to sober, tension pinching his soft mouth. “Silas hasn’t shown himself that I’m aware of. Elijah is refusing to hand over the cure to either Rebekah or myself. Her on the grounds that she failed her trial, and me…” Klaus glanced away.

Caroline tried to dredge up some sympathy, really she did. “Well, we are all very much hoping there will not be an apocalypse hell-on-earth. I never met your parents and I would like to keep that track record going, thanks.” Klaus ducked his head, laugh soft, and Caroline nearly preened. “So, what’s in the bag? Thumb screws? Arsenic? Stolen lollipops?”

“Your imagination is a never-ending delight, love. There’s an art supply shop down the street that orders my paints for me. Which is fortunate, I was getting low on Cadmium Orange.” His fingers fiddled with the bag string.

“That is a very specific color,” she teased gently.

He tilted his head to the side in a self-deprecating sort of way. “Well, I need it for a very specific bit of shading, you see. The fall,” he gestured vaguely with one hand at some unseen painting, “Isn’t quite right. I’ve been working on it all night.”

Wrinkling her nose at him, she adjusted her purse on her shoulder. “Is that why you have that ‘freshly bathed in linseed oil’ smell?” Knowing she was about to set the tongues wagging but unable to resist the look it would put on his face, she reached out and snagged his hand, flipped it over backside up. Bright yellow paint was smeared on his skin. “You missed a spot.” she pointed out helpfully.

He rumbled softly in his throat. “So I did.” When Caroline looked up, his hungry blue eyes were on her, quiet, watchful of what she’d do next.

“So,” she said, drawing out the vowel, “I’m supposed to meet Matt for lunch.”

“The human?” Klaus managed to fit a world of disgruntled judgment into two words.

“Ugh.” Caroline dropped his hand with a bit of force. “Matt is failing some of his classes and needs a study buddy. I happen to be queen of the flashcards, thank you very much. Finals are next week, and I just want…” She paused, emotion clawing up her throat and she swallowed. Blinked. The sun that seemed so bright before–but not warm, never warm, never again–seemed a pale imitation of itself. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Klaus’s hand hovering next to her arm as if wondering if his touch was unwelcome.

This wasn’t helpful, this wasn’t what she needed, in the middle of the day, in the middle of the Square, for god’s sake. Her chin raised, she looked Klaus in the eye. He looked solemnly back. “I just want us to make it through graduation. All of us. So.” She pasted a smile on her face. “I do what I can, which means flashcards.”

Something bitter tilted his mouth. “The talents of a general and they have you tutoring the quarterback.”

Caroline scowled at him. “It’s not a waste of my time to care about my friends. You certainly benefited from that.” With a huff, she turned to go, and he stepped sideways into her path.

“Admitting you care, love?” There was something predatory about the glint in his eyes.

Raising her eyebrows loftily, she pushed past him, trying to ignore the heat from his body that seemed to cling to hers. “In your dreams, Klaus,” she shot over her shoulder as she headed toward the Mystic Grill.

While her vampire hearing might have been bogged down by the noise in the Square, she was annoyingly attuned to Klaus’ presence. His parting words reached her easily: “Someday, you will.”

#klaroline wip wed #klaroline #klaroline for ts #tvd for ts #one of Klaus' Top 3 Fave Carolines is Grumpy Caroline #She's scowling and sassing him? he is having a GREAT time #hey how'd that foreshadowing get in there? someone call security!!

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simslegacy5083 · 3 months ago

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Today's (11/6/2024) Episode: Friendly Birthday Fun

Luigi and his family had been reminded that their lives were better together, and shortly afterwards they found themselves celebrating the friendships they’d made with others.

Luigi had recently grown closer to his family, and his relationships with his childhood friends were also changing as they grew.

First came Bruce’s birthday, and unfortunately, he turned out to be even more of a troublemaker as a teen. After his cake he snuck up on his two sensitive friends while they were playing pretend pirates and scared them so badly that they both started to cry.

“You’re the worst!” Elyse fumed as Bruce laughed. “Come on Skye, let’s go play on the swings away from this big bully.”

“Hey, don’t be like that” Bruce called, running after them. “How about we all go snorkeling? I promise I won’t scare you again!” He enjoyed messing with the others, but he’d play any game with them rather than be forced to spend his birthday hanging out with his parents and their adult friends!

He mostly played nicely the rest of the night, and the next evening he called to invite Skye to some sort of shady contest he’d learned about. The anxious young sim was smart enough to turn down his offer “Yeah, I don’t think my parents would like me doing something like that.”

“Your loss kid!” Bruce replied, “It sounds like it’s going to be epic, and because I’m not a little chicken, I guess I’ll just tell you how it went!”

Skye mentioned the odd invitation to his parents the next morning at breakfast, and his dad got quite upset.

“You did the right thing saying no and telling us. That doesn’t sound safe at all!” Once Skye left the table, Luigi asked Noemi to keep an eye on their son while he walked down the beach to see Beau. “I need to talk to him about that boy of his. I should have done it ages ago.”

His friend knew all about Bruce’s misadventure. “He said he was heading to a sleepover, but I caught him sneaking in this morning, beat all to dwam. I was yelling at him when I realized he was slurring his words and having trouble breathing. The clinic said he has a concussion and 2 broken ribs!”

“I’m sorry to hear that” Luigi replied, “I hope he feels better soon, and I’m sure glad Skye turned down his invitation to come along.”

Beau was appalled. “He tried to bring a child into whatever blood sport went on last night!? I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately. He’s always been a bit of a wild child, but this is completely unacceptable. Breanne and I are going to ground him until he’s ready for college!”

Luigi didn’t have the heart to tell Beau about the other unkind behavior Skye had reported. His friend was clearly already dealing with enough, and childhood pranks were nothing next to whatever the young reprobate was into these days.

Bruce was still grounded when Elyse’s birthday came along, so it was just the younger kids at Isra’s place for the party.

Hers was a joint celebration with her younger twin siblings who were also aging up, but Elyse seemed to be hiding from the festivities. “I’m not really feeling much like celebrating, to be honest” she told Skye. “Grandpar Wren just died, and I miss them too much to have fun right now.”

“I’m so sorry.” Skye sympathized “I just lost my grandma too. I loved her a lot and it’s hard not being able to talk to her all the time like I used to.”

He gave his friend a big hug and the two young sims sat talking quietly waiting for it to be Elyse’s turn to blow out her candles and open gifts.

“This wasn’t how I hoped she’d spend her party” Isra told Noemi, watching the pair from a short distance away “but she seems happier talking to Skye than she has been all weekend. Talking to you about losing my par made a big difference, and I guess a close friend is a blessing at every age.”

Noemi gave Isra an understanding smile. “We’re just down the beach if you need anything. I just hope our babies can stay so close as Elyse heads into high school and her teenage years ahead of my boy. It’s a big change and I really could have used some good friends when I went through it.”

Not long after that Elyse blew out her candles and spun her way into teendom.

Skye’s closest friends were once again both moving on to a different age stage without him, but Elyse’s friendly hug gave him hope that she wouldn’t completely forget about him while he was patiently waiting to join them.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

#sims 4 #sims 4 challenge #sims 4 legacy #sims4 #sims 4 nsb #sims 4 not so berry #sims4nsbstraud #sims 4 let's play #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 lets play

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fairykukla · 1 year ago

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I told you that story:

To tell you this one.

Covid permanently altered my life.

I'm disabled. As a result of Covid-19 I'm not able to attend indoor events if there is any food present. I have a bunch of issues in play, but the short form is that I don't do indoor events.

I wrote an essay that actually gained traction about how exhausting it is to tell people, over and over, all the time that yes, I'm still disabled.

So, we have entered the period of the year when I have to tell everyone "No" all the time. I have always had to tell everyone "no" but now I'm just so tired from telling people "no" the rest of the year that I'm becoming waspish about it.

I wanted so badly to throw my oldest friend a special party for her 50th birthday.

Instead, I'm packing up to fly across the country so that my partner can see his mom before the dementia steals her away completely. I want him to have this. I want him to get to see her. I want to visit. I haven't ever been to the Pacific Northwest and it will be a treat to be there.

I'm having to manage a lot of high anxiety over the flight, the stay at his mom's house, the costs, and how the fuck I'm going to even eat while we are there.

I'm going to pack food for a week in my suitcase, and three days worth of food in my carry-on. I might also pack clothes.

This journey coincides with that annual Convention the first weekend in October. The one that I attended every year between 1990 and 2019. In 2020, the convention didn't happen. In 2021, they tried to have it, but most of the activities were cancelled. I did not attend. I had emergency surgery. In 2022, I did not attend. I told everyone that I couldn't go due to my disability. This breaks my heart. This altered my sense of self.

Sure enough, I had a friend pop up in my text messages the other day. The last text I had received was in January, responding to a meme I sent to her. The previous text was her announcement of her return home last October. So here she is, asking about wanting to get together for lunch and wanting to see me at the con.

Folks, I worked SO HARD to respond in a friendly way. I desperately tried to find some kind of light hearted response. I made a wry statement about the pandemic and indicated that I couldn't do indoor events anymore.

She told me that she didn't appreciate my condescending tone and fucked off.

This is someone I worked with in the Halloween industry. This is someone I've known a long time. The last time I saw her I said, "I think I'm too disabled to do conventions anymore."

So she got butthurt at my tone over text? When she tried to ask for my time during The Gauntlet?! When she knows I'm dealing with a life-altering disability?

I should change my screen names to Condescending Bitch. I should just present this as my baseline personality. If you want to talk to me, I'm going to sound condescending when I answer insensitive questions again and again and again.

I'm worn down to a nub.

#2023 #rants #rant post #the gauntlet #condecending bitch

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kyndaris · 2 years ago

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Are You Mine?

So, I wrote another short story! It was actually finished back in 2022 but well, given how...’busy’ my life has been with all the dating and the games (I’m even behind when it comes to those posts), here’s a short story to break up the monotony of reading about my life!

Besides, who doesn’t like fictional anguish anyways? For those that want to read it in its entirety, look no further than my FictionPress - scattered wind. Or look up Kyndaris on Wattpad.

Sitting in peak hour traffic, the rain pissing down on the windscreen, I realised that I was completely and utterly in love with my best friend. When had it begun? As I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, I tried to pinpoint exactly when I had fallen head over heels for Felicia.

It didn’t make sense.

People had always told me that I’d know the very moment I would fall in love. That I’d instinctually know who my soul mate was the instant I met them.

But that hadn’t happened.

When I first met Felicia, we had got along in that awkward manner when it came to first dates. Over coffee, we had decided that it was better if we kept it friendly. There had been no immediate spark. No romantic chemistry. A sudden bolt of lightning hadn’t come through the roof of the coffee shop and struck me down just to tell me that she was the one. Nor had there been any declarations of love or strange gooey heart action.

No. Love wasn’t like that. Not for me, at least.

At most, I might have felt nauseated on that first date. For too long, my parents and peers had pressured me into dating. After holding out for so long, I’d finally caved in.

Felicia had seemed amicable enough through text. The fact that we shared quite a few hobbies was a plus.

In the end, love was something that had slowly crept up behind me, bludgeoned me hard on the head and robbed me of all that I was worth.

Oh God. Was boardgame night going to be weird?

Yet, the more I thought about it as I waited for the traffic to move, the more I came to realise that nothing needed to change. What I felt for Felicia was a deep abiding fondness. Our relationship wasn’t one that was built on false pretences. Felicia and I knew each other intimately in the way of all best friends did.

In my mind, she represented comfort; like coming back home after a long hard day at work.

That thought carried me through the worst of the jam. Even when a truck driver swerved into my lane and would have taken me out if I hadn’t seen it coming. On any other day, I would have thrown out a mouthful of expletives for their poor driving skills.

By the time I parked outside the house, it was nearly eight. My stomach was rumbling and I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Thankfully the rain had stopped.

Before I could exit the car and stretch my legs, the door to the house opened. Out stepped the woman that had been on my mind for the last hour or so. Her long black hair was kept in check by a floral headband and peeking out from the curtain of black were two pointy ears. Felicia always loved pretending she was an elf or woodland Fae.

There was a look of relief on her face when she caught sight of my car and she slipped her phone back into her pocket. Felicia hurried over as I clambered out. “There you are Leah. Shit, I thought that something had happened. I was just about to call you.”

“Traffic was hell,” I said, opening up the boot of my car and retrieving the three games I brought every time, hoping we’d get a chance to play them (spoiler alert: we never do). “Remind me why we always do this on Wednesday night?”

Felicia rolled her eyes. “Well, not everyone is as free as you are,” she retorted. “I have dance on Thursdays, Damien has to wrangle his brood of children on the weekends, Anna has several commitments, and Viktor…”

I sighed. “Yes, yes. Viktor is busy trying to find his one true love at every single possible moment after Julie dumped him. It’s a mystery how he pencils in all those dates AND somehow manages to come to game night. If you ask me, the way he goes about it makes it all feel so transactional. He’s not going to land the big fish he wants by schmoozing through all the ladies in the country.”

“Tell me about it. I think he ought to take a break. Maybe re-evaluate what he wants in a partner, you know?”

There was truth in Felicia’s words. At this rate, Viktor’s love life was doomed to failure. His recent choices and the way he discarded most of his prospective partners for the next shiny thing had us all worried.

With Felicia’s help, I managed to close the boot and lock the car. Together, we walked back to the house and I took the opportunity to study Felicia from the corner of my eye. In the glow of the street light, I saw that she had on a t-shirt sporting the Attack on Titan survey corps logo I had bought her last year when we had gone to a convention together. At the time, she had been wearing a cosplay of Sakura Matou from Fate Stay Night. I, on the other hand, had worn my usual getup of flannel shirt and ripped jeans.

Damien met us at the door. Being the chivalrous man that he was, and the clearly lawful stupid paladin that he often liked to play, he graciously offered to take the stack of boardgames from my hands. Naturally, I foisted them onto him.

“There’re still some pizzas on the kitchen table if you’re hungry, Leah. We even ordered Hawaiian just for you.”

“Thanks. Let me just go to the loo first and I’ll come to gobble up all that pineapple goodness,” I said, removing my boots.

“You know, it honestly boggles my mind that you actually enjoy pineapple on pizza. My ongoing theory is that you’re an eldritch being from another plane of existence.”

“Your own children eat Hawaiian too, Damien,” I retorted as I headed down the corridor towards the bathroom.

“Exactly. Those scamps are clearly alien changelings posing as human children,” he called out after me. “I’m onto you, Leah!” I stuck my tongue out at him before I slipped inside the bathroom and shut the door.

Sitting on the porcelain throne, I went over my interactions with Felicia, trying to dissect them and figure out if the brief conversation we had exchanged was normal or if I had cocked our friendship up quite badly. Each word was mulled over for God knows how long as I tried to determine if I had let the realisation slip.

A knock on the door pulled me from the ruminations.

“Leah, it’s been about five minutes. Please grunt or make a noise so I know that you’re still alive and haven’t fallen in.”

I hastily wiped, got up and flushed the toilet. “In a minute!” I called out. “Just washing my friends…sorry, hands right now.”

Felicia gave a strange look when I finally emerged. “Well, that was a strange Freudian slip that I’m not sure I want to unpack,” she commented as we headed back down the corridor towards the kitchen.

“Just got a few things on my mind, is all,” I said, wiping my still wet hands on my jeans. “Now, where’s that Hawaiian pizza? I’m completely and utterly famished. You don’t know how bad traffic was with all the flooding in the area. It took twice as long just to get out of the city. The roads were chock-a-block with cars. It’s lucky that you’ve still been working from home.”

She nodded absentmindedly.

“Good to see that you haven’t fallen inside the toilet,” said Damien as we stepped into the kitchen. Anna and Viktor were on the couch, each holding a Nintendo Switch in hand. “You were in there so long, I started portioning out a few slices of pizza for you to reheat.”

“Thanks Dad friend Damien. You know, you’re the real MVP,” I said, grabbing the plate of pizza he had set aside and popped it into the microwave.

Thirty seconds later, I scoffed down the piping hot pizza. Where once my stomach had been empty, it was filled with pineapple goodness. Damien had also seen fit to gift me two pieces of cheesy garlic bread and some Dutch pancakes. When I had cleaned off the plate, I smacked my lips and licked off the last remnants of sauce on my fingers.

The look on Damien’s face made it seem as if he was witnessing Vecna commit some unforgivable crime. Honestly, it was downright insulting. Pineapples added a sweetness to the meal. Even a Domino’s supreme pizza had the delectable fruit on top to give it some additional flavour.

“What?”

“Nothing, he said, shaking his head, and padded over to the table covered in a million and one board games. “All right everybody. Gather round. It’s time to pick out something to play. We have Catan, Pandemic, 7 Wonders, Cards Against Humanity, Hues and Cues…”

The list seemed to go on forever. Finally, after a rigorous debate, we settled on something that wouldn’t take too long and would still pose a decent challenge. Tsuro it was.

Given that all of us all had work tomorrow, it was probably for the best. I’d need to start driving back at 10PM anyways. The realities of what our lives had become was not lost on me. Or on any of the others. Life had been a lot simpler in our early 20s. But with each year that passed, it was becoming harder and harder for our schedules to match.

For now, at least, I’d do my best in schooling them all in the delicate art of keeping my dragon stone marker on the periphery of the gameboard.

“You really don’t have to drive me back, Leah. Viktor could have also dropped me off just as easily.”

“It’s not that out of my way,” I said, downplaying the circuitous route that would take me an extra twenty minutes. “Besides, we haven’t had much of a chance to talk recently. Too busy, I suppose, with all the things that are happening in our lives, I suppose.”

Felicia leaned back into the passenger seat. “You can say that again. Work has been pretty terrible these last few weeks. Deadlines everywhere. Other staff members not pulling their own weight. Clients being fussy and almost impossible to please.”

“What do you mean?”

“Okay, so, remember how I mentioned that big looming court case last time? Well, surprise, it’s here! And things aren’t looking good. Things have been especially difficult because we’ve been completely blindsided by some evidence the plaintiff had brought to light. I can’t go into much detail but the defence we had carefully constructed for months has just been blown clean out of the water.”

I shifted gears, keeping my eyes focused on the wall. “Yeesh. That sounds rough.”

“Right? And the client has been so tight-lipped. They won’t tell us anything and that makes is so much harder to mount any sort of counterargument. Honestly, makes one want to throw in the towel. Not everyone can stick in a game for as long as you, Leah. Who would have thought that Damien had just the tile to finally get you off the board, hunh?”

“That move was freakin’ bullshit!” I exclaimed, head swivelling quickly to the side to look at Felicia before I turned back to the road. “I had the tiles all figured out. It was statistically impossible for him to have pulled that out!”

“Oh? Is that so?” teased Felicia.

I nodded once, definitively. The loss still stung. For a moment there, I had thought the game was mine. Damien, of course, would have never been satisfied without coming in first.

A companionable silence descended over the two of us as I navigated the streets. We crested a hill and just as the road dipped down, a sportscar came screaming past in the opposite direction, headlights on high beam and definitely going faster than the speed limit. It narrowly missed us as it drifted through the turn and gunned it as soon as it hit the straight.

A curse left my lips as I kept a deathlike grip on the steering wheel. People these days thought they owned the roads. Not even caring that they could have just been involved in an accident.

It was nearly eleven when I pulled up outside Felicia’s house. Barring that one heart-stopping encounter, the rest of the drive had been smooth.

“Looks like we’re here. Thank you for choosing Leah’s Driver Services,” I said as I whizzed around to face Felicia just as she leaned in. Our heads bumped against each other and I reeled back, clutching my nose.

“Shit. I’m so sorry, Leah.”

“It’s all good,” I replied after a few moments as the pain began to subside. Gingerly, I checked to see if anything was broken. Thankfully, there was no blood. A nosebleed would have been the cherry on top of the cake for how much of a disaster tonight had been.

Felicia peered at me through the gloom. “Are you sure? I can go grab a few tissues for you.”

“No, no. I’ll survive,” I said, waving away her concern. “Besides, it’s late. I don’t want to impose. And don’t you have an early start tomorrow morning?”

She reluctantly nodded and unbuckled her seat belt. “Well, I thank you for your 5-star service then. Good night, Leah. Drive safe.” Felicia opened the car door and stepped out. About midway to the door, as I put my car back into gear, she hurried back towards my car. I winded down the window. “If it’s any consolation, I was cheering you on in those last few moments. Damien needed to be toppled and I was hoping you’d do it tonight. Perhaps next time, eh?”

I grinned up at her. “You bet. I’ve a secret weapon next games night that King Damien won’t see coming. Soon, Felicia. Soon. The title of King Gamer will be mine!”

Felicia straightened and barked out a laugh. “Sometimes I don’t know if you’re serious or if you’re just psyching yourself up,” she said, wiping away a tear from her eye. “Well, if it’s Munchkin or Catan that gets picked, I’ll talk to the others. See if we can’t forge an alliance to help pave your way to victory.”

“I’ll look forward to it. That and maybe some compensation if my nose truly is broken.”

“You’re such a baby, Leah.”

“Says the woman that struck it with her forehead that’s as hard as a bag of rocks.”

She leaned in through the window and kissed me on the tip of my nose. “There. Better?”

For a moment, I sat there; stunned. Had Felicia just…?

Before I could mount a response, she had vanished back up the path to her door. With a cheeky grin, she waved at me before slipping through the entranceway and shutting the door.

#short story #are you mine #friends to lovers #board game nights #sapphic romance

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dustvoid · 6 months ago

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16.08.24

been a few weeks since my last post. time really is flying by I guess. took myself out on my birthday weekend to portobello rd markets and Notting Hill. tried to find some vintage sunglasses but failed... in London. work has been average. I just feel like I can't do anything right. can't even get a job and cant do the one I'm doing now. can't do anything really. I really think I'm one of those people destined for an average life, but I wanted more for myself. I thought maybe id have a chance here, but it's so cutthroat and competitive. I can feel the city chewing me up and spitting me out. I forced myself out of my comfort zone and met up with some girls from an Aussies in London post. i was the only one that showed up but they were the most loveliest girls, and it was just so nice to be out and be social. we went out to some pubs and just had fun! I had to move houses earlier than planned because the people I was living with decided to leave early, so that was extremely stressful. after I had somewhere the girl told me I could have stayed longer... I left anyway. where I am now is okay, I don't think it is anything amazing but it is clean and a lot cheaper than the other place, and its still relatively close to where I was. I wish I could have found a more social vibe but hopefully my next place. one of the girls invited me to her birthday catch up which was last weekend which was nice! I was wrecked from moving and got drunk very fast but still pushed through, although the pub we went to was actually awful. I have no idea why it was so hyped up and busy, but I just went along with it. it was just nice to be included! hopefully I'll see more of them.

dating has been.... disappointing. I have been in more dates in London than in my whole life which is good, but I am getting very tired of it. the same thing keeps happening and I don't know why. I said I wasn't going to do it anymore and then I planned two more dates, and I just didn't feel much, I guess that's how it's been for them as well. then I went out with Pat and bumped into the guy I went out with the night before... not awkward at all. Bloody Pat. he is so confusing. I know he just wants to be friends but sometimes I the signals are mixed and I can't be sure if he's just being overly friendly or flirting. I really like him but I know that he wouldn't want anything more, and I don't want to ask and look like a fool. I guess ive just been keeping my distance because I'm so confused and I dont know if I can just be his friend. I went on a date last night as well and I thought it went good, but I could literally just feel that he wasn't that into it as I was, and it sucks. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I know it is me. it has to be. how can I have gone on this many dates and they've all ended in similar ways. maybe I'm not outgoing enough? flirty enough? I feel like I match energies and I always try to be conversational and interested. at this point I'm not going to change myself just to get someone to like me. maybe one day someone will like me for me but until then there isnt much else I can do. I think I need to pause the dating for a bit though. I can't handle anymore rejection. I'm already getting enough from job searching.

I know soon it will have been 3 months and they say you need at least 12 to settle but I wish it didn't take that long. I can't tell if I like it here or not. I think I would like it a bit more with a secure job and a bit more of a social life, but it's hard when you come here with nothing. I am trying but I just need a break. I don't want to be here and be unhappy.

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atsoomi · 2 years ago

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[Kuroo's very special birthday HCs]

In honor of tetsu's birthday, I wrote some kuroo bf hcs because the thing I'm writing will take some more time (as it always does) and I wanted to dedicate a portion of my brain to him for the last 2 days. Some of these will be written out at one point so you can look forward to that!

Kuroo is as active as he is lazy. He will get up early on weekdays for his usual run, but when it's the weekend and he has the opportunity to stay in bed and cuddle with you? Best believe he won't consider ever getting out of bed.

His body is naturally warm, but his hands and his feet are as cold as a corpse's. It's always a lovely surprise when you're in bed and the most icy feet in the world come near you.

The kind of guy to take you out at least twice a week. And if he can't then you'll have a movie night kind of date. He values time with you more than you could ever know, is he watching the movie or is he watching you

This mf will always ALWAYS use a mistletoe when it's the season for mistletoes. "Tetsu there's snow outsi- where'd you get that mistletoe." "I have no idea what you're talking about... it just appeared here. I think it's a sign."

Please kiss him, shut him up. Not that it will stop him, but it will provide world peace for a few minutes.

You have long extensive talks about whether you should get a dog or a cat. You don't feel like you can support both, but kuroo is as stubborn as you are and you end up getting both. The cat and the dog take to being around each other and everytime you find them cuddled up together, kuroo goes "hey look it's us"

100% the kind of guy to do face masks with you, he wouldn't do it on his own but when you suggest a skincare night he's like "ok when do we start, I've always wanted to try the pineapple one"

When some guy is trying to get too friendly with you, he always shows up out of nowhere and puts a hand on your waist and is like "who's this babe 😇" as if he doesn't have the most menacing aura ever

No one tries to hit on you again (he looks like he could throw in a couple good punches)

He knows you like his biceps and he never wastes the chance to flex them so your pupils can dilate and he can see that awed look on your face, the look you give before you're about to go feral

Does he regret it when you start biting his arm as habit? Only a little bit

When you're tired, he'll help you take care of yourself (most favorite hc ever, someone hold me down) and even if you aren't, he helps you with general self-care tasks. Washing and brushing your hair, folding your clothes, cleaning your shared living environment, taking off your make up. When you're especially feeling down he looks up recipes to try and cheer you up with baked goods, they always taste medicore but you will finish whatever he prepares even if it kills you, goddammit.

You ofc share a spotify playlist for everything. He has technically memorized the lyrics for the car playlist so he can sing along when you're passionately performing for your 5th world tour on the way to get groceries.

The most supportive boyfriend ever. Even as a friend kuroo has a habit of pushing people to see their true potential without coming on too strong, so when you're doubting yourself and you're his girlfriend of all people, you better believe he's not letting that happen.

Every achievement of yours is celebrated, he reminds you that you focus more on your failures than you do on what you succeed in. So everytime you doubt yourself he'll have a list of things you've done to remind you that your doubts are lying to you.

Generally, kuroo is such an amazing boyfriend when it comes to self-growth. He brings out the best in you over and over again, and when things get really hard, he would never turn away from a moody version of yourself.

He's patient and he would never give up on you out of all people.

Got too emotional there okay.

For his ~birthday~ you organize a surprise nekoma reunion and he is startled by walking into your shared apartment and everyone is there, yes even kenma, and you don't think you've seen so happy in years.

From the bickering between old teammates to seeing what everyone is up to now that they're all going different places, kuroo has the most fun he has had in a while.

Part of him will always miss how things were.

But part of him is certain that the present is much more promising. Because as he looks at you laughing with his childhood friend, who's practically closed off from the world, and your laugh sounds like a song he wants to hear everyday, he knows that wherever you are is where he wants to be.

#it's shorter than i wanted to be so i might add some more tomorrow morning #i just didnt want the day to end without posting anything !!#you know i really do think kuroo would make such an amazing boyfriend #at least in my characterization of him #i hope you accept this silly little characterization of mine #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu!!#kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff #kuroo scenarios #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo tetsuro headcanons #haikyu x reader #kuroo tetsuro hcs #kuroo tetsurō and the 100 different ways of spelling his name #croses fingers please dont let my first post here flop

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kunikinnie · 3 years ago

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fukuzawa wants to go on a date

BSD: Love is War? 100 Followers Event Genre: fluff, pining Word count: 1.6k Warnings: none, I think Synopsis: There is a fine line between a friendly and romantic date. a/n: YES I FINALLY FINISHED ONE after how many months,,, yes I stole the idea from the current Mayoi event lol. Also ngl this feels SO different from any of the other fics under this prompt i'm so sorry

Fukuzawa Yukichi is a man of few words. This makes whatever he says all the more important and heavier in weight, and even the slightest hint of his true feelings was noticed by anyone.

That is, anyone but you.

“It’s because you’re too subtle,” Ranpo once said to him. “At this rate you’ll only ever be a friend to Y/N.”

He wasn’t wrong, Fukuzawa knew that well, yet he just wasn’t programmed to be bolder. You’ve been friends for so long that he was genuinely afraid of what you’ll think of him if he tried to be more honest about his feelings.

Hahh. If only fate could be a little kinder…

---

“I bought you a little something, Yu-kun. It sort of reminds me of you.”

You handed out a keychain of what appears to be a cat in samurai clothing. He smiled softly as he accepted your gift, not just because he appreciated the gift but also because his heart fluttered at your last sentence.

You and a mutual friend of yours went to a feudal Japan themed park over the weekend before you left the country for a few weeks. It wasn’t unusual for you to hang out with close friends one-on-one even in far trips like this, but…

“Nao-kun even said it looks like you,” you chuckled. “Don’t look at me like that. He’s the one who said that, not me!”

Fukuzawa wasn’t annoyed at the comment itself. His mind had wandered to that one thought he’s been suppressing for some time now.

Haven’t you been hanging out with him a little too frequently?

Sure, he’s the one who always invites you to these little escapades. Sure, you think they’re just friendly “dates” (why do you even use the term?) as with any other person. But what if the day comes when he invites you as something more than a friend? What would you do?

“You should just ask Y/N out. It’s not that hard!” A little imaginary Ranpo exclaimed in his right ear.

Fukuzawa ignored the tiny menace and focused on your stories about your weekend. Your soothing voice and bubbly excitement were enough to squish the nuisance to oblivion.

It’s always somewhat bothered him that you yourself never asked him to go out with you – even just as a friend. Aren’t you close? You’ve had wild adventures alone with people who were barely acquaintances, but the most you’ve ever invited Fukuzawa to was for drinks at a fancy bar after a long week. Did you just not like him enough?

“Which reminds me,” your tone suddenly changed, snapping him out of his thoughts “Are you free next Saturday?”

No, no he wasn’t. Morning ‘til night he was swamped. “What for?”

“I was thinking that maybe we should go watch that movie you were talking about last. Dinner’s on me, too! I feel like I owe you this much, plus I’m not going to see you for some time after I leave this Sunday.”

The little imaginary Ranpo popped up beside his ear once more.

“Damn that’s unlucky.”

“Be quiet.”

---

The rains were pouring heavier than ever.

The windows were being battered by water and wind and the steel skies made noon seem like night. That meant no difference in Fukuzawa’s workload, however, and he continued to read and sign papers like usual.

The tea Haruno had just placed before him would cool down faster than normal, he had to remind himself. There’s no enjoyment in drinking cold tea that tastes like lead.

The noise from the storm outside grows louder yet for Fukuzawa there was a sort of comfort in it. His thoughts eased by the warm tea felt secure; it was as if only he could hear them. Not that many people could (even Ranpo sometimes doesn’t get what he’s thinking) – nevertheless, he let his mind and heart wander together for a moment.

You had promised to keep your Saturday free just in case his would turn up free as well. Since then he’d been hoping that somehow his meetings would just disappear, yet it seems that even if that did happen the heavy rains prevented any “date” from taking place at all.

His eyes landed on his untouched phone. Would it hurt to ask if he could meet you once more before you left? It was already in the middle of the work week and you must have already made plans with other important people in your life. As much as he didn’t want to intrude, he just couldn’t resist the desire to meet you again. He just had to. Even if you were just going to grab something quick to eat. Even if it was just a short walk to the station. Even if it was just for a single passing moment.

He was afraid that he might never see you again.

“President,” Haruno knocked and peeked inside. “I’m here to confirm your schedule for the rest of the week until the next. Some clients rescheduled their meetings…”

She continued to explain things for him, scribbling on the clipboard she placed on his desk. His mind barely took in any information but one portion stood out to him.

“They wanted to move it from Saturday afternoon to Tuesday morning…”

As she finally ended her rundown of the next 7 days’ schedule, he glanced once more at the portion for this Saturday’s activities.

“That means there’s nothing by Saturday afternoon?”

“Yes, sir.”

The moment she left, he quickly picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number.

---

Fukuzawa prayed unusually hard that morning. Please let this afternoon be spared from the storm, he begged, or else the trains may stop working and you’d have to cancel. Not now when he put in the extra effort and anxiety into today’s affairs.

He bothered to wear something a little different. Still the usual yukata but the fabric and colors were slightly more refined. One would assume that he simply had an important event that night and not think about it twice. But of course there were some who knew the truth.

“Don’t worry too much about it, Boss.” The real Ranpo surfaced from the Agency’s couch. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Fukuzawa grumbled in response. The weather wasn’t the only thing that was unpredictable, he thought, and it’s not like he had much experience to prepare for this in the first place.

“As long as you’re honest it’s gonna be fine,” the detective repeated.

But could he really be, given that he’s been trying to hide these feelings for so long?

So far, only the warm sun and sparse clouds filled the bright sky. Now he was waiting patiently for you to arrive at the garden you wanted to walk around at. It had a traditional sort of arrangement, one which he very much liked. He wondered if that meant you had chosen this place out of consideration for him but he quickly dispelled the thought the moment his heart began to latch onto it.

Fortunately, his mind didn’t have to wander for much longer.

“Yu-kun!”

You waved your hand as you ran to him, not at all worried if you slip on the pavement. The uncontrollable thrill at seeing him in a setting like this had made your legs move faster than you thought they could.

“D-did you wait long?”

“Not at all,” he replied, a small smile present on his lips.

There weren’t as many people in the garden as he had hoped. Just like the weather, things seemed to be going well. Too well, even. Your conversation was nothing short of meaningful and pleasant, and the scenery had only heightened the experience.

Suddenly, a drop of water tickled your nose.

“Is it drizzling?”

Before either of you knew it the rain began to fall. With only one umbrella at hand you two dashed for the nearest gazebo, both of your garment almost getting completely soaked by the sudden downpour.

“I guess dinner will have to wait…”

Your eyes were glued to the skies but your mind was fixed on the man beside you. Without him saying a word, you could tell he was beyond disappointed. That was the last thing you wanted from the person whose smile you wanted to see the most.

The shame clung to you more than patches of your wet clothes.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I should have-“ the words got caught up in your throat. Now was not the time to be emotional. “I knew this might happen and yet I chose this place. I’m sorry-“

“There’s nothing to apologize for. It’s not your fault.”

His low voice was softer than usual so you had to scoot over closer to hear him. The rain had dampened not just his words but also his temperament, it seems. But had you moved an inch closer you might have noticed the conflicted yet bashful expression on his face.

“There’s… something I’ve been curious about since I called.”

“Yeah?”

“If I said today were to be a proper date, would you have come?”

His eyes remained focused on the grey sheet covering the garden, yet his ears were still attentive to your small gasp. He wasn’t ready to look at your face let alone your feet from the embarrassment. Strange how even at his age his entire body managed to react so violently.

“I-“ Your lips struggled to form the words your heart had been screaming since the very beginning. “O-of course I would.”

Finally, his head slowly turned to face your own. Surprised eyes met gleeful ones, and soon they all softened just the same. For several silent but serene moments, only the sound of the pouring rain and beating hearts filled the space.

“Can I ask you something, then?”

“Of course.”

“If I asked you out on a date after I come back, would you say yes?”

Your cheeks began to turn scarlet the moment you spoke and only darkened when he chuckled lightly. This warmer side of Fukuzawa felt so surreal to you that if he hadn’t gently grazed his calloused fingers on yours, you might have thought this was all a dream.

“Yes I would, without question.”

#bsd #fukuzawa yukichi #fukuzawa x reader #fukuzawa x you #fukuzawa x y/n

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ajaxsprettyboy · 3 years ago

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Fair Ground Fairytale

Highschool Senior!Beidou x reader

Smut ahead! Gn reader! Fluff and separate smut !

Thank you @1108707 for the idea!

You woke up with an annoyed look on your face, “6:30 already? Ugh..” The last quarter of senior year starting off with a bang…literally, your alarm is a cartoonish BANG sound. You tore your sheet and comforter off of your groggy body and began getting ready for the day ahead. By the time you make it down the stairs you realize your parents are gone, at work. They left you a note, ‘off to work, don’t be late!” And then you realized you were running late.

No breakfast this morning but oh well, your car sped down the streets to get to school. You made it just in time to get to class with your things for first period, calculus. “Okay guys so today we have a new student! Give a warm welcome to Shenhe!” Shenhe introduced herself to the class and answered a few questions about herself, you looked over to your seat mate, Beidou, and giggled about all the attention she was getting.

Shenhe wasn’t new to the school, she just decided to move her math classes, it’s not uncommon if you plan on taking a different subject in college, fortunately she had already taken precalc and understood most of the work without needing to do much extra homework. But enough about her the class is over.

Second period was boring, just you and Ningguang doing your science work together. Third period was your first elective, it was quite simple and moved fast. As was fourth, back to back electives are quite easy to do in comparison to the required classes. Fifth period however, was lunch, you sat with Ningguang and Beidou, who sat with Kazuha and Zhongli, who sat with … you get the point, the table was full. Anyway this matters because you and Beidou were squished together.

You awkwardly laughed at the close proximity, looking over at Beidou, who was laughing and giggling acting as though the cramped space didn’t bother her. She was always like this, making uncomfortable situations more enjoyable. After lunch the rest of your classes flew by without a hitch. Once it was time to leave you grabbed your things and waited for Beidou, you felt a need to say bye to her today. This was odd in her mind but she waved it off as a simple friendly gesture.

‘Did you really just do that? God, you’re lame!’ You thought to yourself as you walked home. You wondered why you acted this way around beidou, but before you could come up with an answer Tartaglia jogged up to you. “Hey [NAME]! Can you watch my siblings for me tonight? I have a track practice to go to and I can’t find a babysitter on such short notice, I promise I’ll pay you for this!” You sighed and agreed, texting your mom you’d be babysitting for a friend tonight. This gave you more time to think though, so that’s a plus!

You walked to Tartaglia’s house, opening the door with the spare key hidden in the plant to the left of the door. Both of his siblings ran up to you and asked where their brother was, and as the night went on you collected a variety of drawings and paper toys for you. All poorly drawn, but very cute.

Once Tartaglia came home he greeted the lot of you and handed you around $100, thanking you for doing this for him. As you walked back home for dinner and to go shower, Beidou texted you. “Hey, do you wanna hang out this weekend? If you’re free we should go to the fair” you smiled, you smiled hard. You tried to respond all cool and calm, “Yeah! I’d love to! What time do you wanna go?” You texted back before having time to think ‘shit I look too excited.. I hope she doesn’t think anything of it.’

Fortunately for you she was in the shower, so by the time you got home, she had only just seen the text. You were eating dinner when she responded, causing you immediately check your phone thus causing your to end up dropping your phone in your food. You sighed and grabbed the food covered phone and wiped it off with a paper towel. You saw what she said, a simple “sorry I was in the shower, around 1 or 2 pm good?” You were so excited! Wait.. is this a date?

“ yeah, sorry lol I was having dinner”

No no

“Yeah! Sorry I’m late, I was eating!”

No too formal

“Yeah, that’s good, and dw I was just eating”

Send?

Hmmm okay…

Aaaand she left you on delivered… fuck.

She probably fell asleep right? Yeah.. maybe her WiFi is just slow.. yeah., just go to sleep [NAME], you still have some days before the weekend.

Morning came and went, Beidou was apparently at a doctors appointment, but she texted you back at lunch time!

“Okay, I’ll drive! And dw I’m not sick, it’s just an annual checkup lol”

Okay okay okay cool cool cool … what do you wear to your … outing?

Okay well maybe you’re overreacting, it’s gonna be hot so just a pair of shorts and a tank top? No too boring.. and that’s all you spent the day thinking about…

The next was spent thinking about what you should and shouldn’t bring with you.

Your week was hell because alle you could think about was your day out with Beidou… wait.. what day of the weekend are you going?

Oh right you already asked her, Saturday.

It’s gonna be hot and sticky but hey it’s gonna be fun! A date with the girl you like! Wait.. you like her? Okay nice you figured it out!

Does Beidou like you though? She has to if she’s asking you to go out with her … it’s just you two so you best enjoy it.

And finally the day came.

You wore your best summer outfit, you brought sunscreen, chapstick, water, money, and an extra pair of sunglasses. Beidou showed up exactly at 1 pm, her car is a convertible, it was a grayish blue. She smiled and opened the passenger door for you. You got in and placed your bag on the floor, greeting her with a smile and made sure to only make eye contact when talking to her.

“You know, if you’re uncomfortable with this being a date it doesn’t have to be,” Beidou says, she must be nervous too. “Oh! Yeah I’d like if it could be a date..” you smiled. She smiled and pulled into a parking spot. She then helped you out of her car, and you walked to the gate holding your things and her hand.

The date went smoothly! You rode rides together, got food together, saw all the farm animals people brought in to be judged, you had fun. But the last thing you did together was go on the Ferris wheel. “I know this is cheesy, but when we get to the top… can I kiss you?” She asked, she was visibly nervous awaiting your answer. You nodded and sat next to her.

And soon enough you were at the top, and you had the best kiss of your life.

And that was the start of your relationship.

Smut section

Three months later she asked you if you wanted to come over her house, over the phone. You obliged, happy to see your girlfriend at any point in time.

Once you made it over, she walked you to her room, things went naturally, you and her watched movies and one thing led to another .. now you’re laying naked on her bed making out with her.

She palmed your sex, watching your reactions, and gradually getting lower , then asking you if she can use her mouth, you agreed, watching as she licked your sex, sucking, licking, spitting, all things your sex was subjected to that night. She then asked you if you were comfortable with touching her, you agreed.

She switched positions with you, you did as she did to you, but you also used your fingers. Fingering her pussy, feeling it spasm around your fingers, she moaned and whined begging you to let her cum. “Go ahead, pretty,” you said while licking her clit. As she let herself cum she squirted all over your face, it was sweet and warm. You began cleaning her up with some tissues, and she left to go get a wet rag to clean the both of you.

Needless to say, one of, if not the, best night of your life.

#snow.writes #genshin impact #genshin #genshin fluff #genshin imagines #genshin impact x reader #modern genshin au #genshin impact beidou #beidou #beidou genshin impact #beidou x you #beidou x reader #beidou fluff #beidou smut

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doublel27 · 3 years ago

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For the dear nonny who asked for some of the Tarlos Bodyguard AU this week for WIP Wednesday, and @lilythesilly who always thinks to tag me, I am here with a little bit of fun for you all. (Well, fun for me. You can decide if it's fun for you ;) ) ~*~*~*~

If TK had known it would be the last semi-normal day he would have for a while, he would have done things differently. He’s not sure what exactly he would change. TK just knows that he would have liked the last day of the before to include more than just a walk to get boba and head home. Maybe he wouldn’t have badgered Carlos into letting him walk the distance to his favorite tea shop. Maybe he would have woken up early, insisting they should go to the Smithsonian, knowing the earlier they went, the more likely he would have been allowed to make his way through at least half of one while the Secret Service kept the flow in whatever wing he was in light. Or they could have gone to the botanical gardens and TK could have spent time in a place meant to preserve some of the beauty of the earth for a little while longer. Or he could have brought food by the firehouse to amuse Judd and drive the Secret Service insane. Or a million other options than what was a basic part of his life.

Instead, TK walks down the street, blissfully unaware, boba in hand while Carlos scans the street in the way he always does. It’s a beautiful day and TK is glad he has it off. He’ll work the next few days and then Saturday will hit. They have shortened hours at the gym on Sunday and everyone deserves a break.

“So, what are the odds we can go out this weekend?” TK asks, the invitation for his presence at a new club had skirted across his desk and as he’s making public appearances again, there’d be some perks to it. “There’s this club—”

Carlos shifts his attention so that his head is facing TK. An eyebrow raises above his sunglasses as Carlos asks flatly, “We?”

“Yes. We.”

“Who does we entail?” Carlos tries again, only adding inflection on the word we, before going back to his actual job of scanning the street.

TK squints at him, because Carlos is being weird. He can’t figure out why though. “Uh, me, my friends and you know, you and the rest of my friendly neighborhood detail.”

TK would joke about not being able to go anywhere without an entourage but it’s not the way he actually wants to live his life.

Carlos hums noncommittally before saying, “I don’t know. I’ll have to check in with Agent Washington.”

TK sucks hard, pulling up three tapioca balls. He chews on them while he continues walking, considering. Security has been tight for the longest time, even if TK’s allowed outside, Carlos has been edgy since he mentioned the death threats. TK’s still a little upset to find they filter the death threats out of his mail.

“Things are still weird? You would normally just be upset about it but say yes and grumble about paperwork. It can’t be that much paperwork.”

“Do you know how hard it is to cover you in a nightclub?” Carlos asks, almost absently. He’s looking across the street at one of the brownstones.

“You do such a good job covering me though, Agent Reyes,” TK can’t help but respond.

The comment is pushing things, just a little, and TK knows he shouldn't. Ever since Carlos admited that it's not that TK misread the signals but that Carlos refuses to do anything with the giant pink elephant that sits between them, TK does his best to not lean into it. But sometimes, when the opportunity presents itself, TK has to let a little of the feelings out rather than explode.

He might try to kiss Carlos again.

The snort and brush off TK’s expecting don’t come. Instead Carlos’s voice is harsher than TK’s ever heard it. “Get down!” Carlos tackles him to the ground and something burns TK’s arm. The taro and boba spill as the cup cracks on the pavement. Carlos is on top of TK, one hand cupping the top of TK’s head. He’s entirely enveloped by Carlos and it’s not as hot as any of the dreams TK has been having lately. Probably because this is terrifying. Two thuds reverberate in TK’s ears and Carlos seems to jolt and thud in tandem with them. TK’s brain races through all the possibilities and then his brain alights on what’s happening.

Someone tried to kill him. And Carlos…Carlos took two bullets.

#wip wednesday #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos fic #tarlos #tarlos bodyguard au #doublel27 writes #anon ask #gun violence #cw: gun violence #cw: gun #cw: gunshot #whoops #leave that there for you #911 ls wip wednesday

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amjustagirl · 3 years ago

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castles in the air: chapter 7

chapters: one.// two.// three.// four.// five.// six.// seven.// eight.// nine.// ten.//

pairing: kuroo tetsuro x f! reader genre: university romantic drama, angst, fluff warnings: threats of violence wc: 5.1k summary: kuroo is your pain in the ass classmate. nothing more, really.

Kuroo Tetsuro wasn’t lying when he told his grandma that he’s too busy to date.

Between volleyball practice and his studies (made all the harder, now that you’re not available to help him anymore), he barely has time to eat and sleep, let alone keep up with a social life, or worse - chase a girl who clearly doesn’t want to be chased. So the easy thing to do would be to walk away from you, dismiss you as a lost cause.

There are sure to be many other fishes in the sea for him to scoop out when the time is right, fishes who are far less feral and radioactive, fishes who are less liable to try to snap his head right off his neck. He should probably choose his life partner a little more carefully anyway, learn the lessons passed down from his father, that one of the most important decisions he will make in his life is the choice of his life partner. If he were a lesser man, he’d opt for someone easier.

Someone sweet and pliant, more willing to please.

But for some reason, he’s been drawn to you from the very beginning despite your prickly exterior. A wildling princess who jumps into the fray herself with a fork as her chosen weapon. The mistress of her own castle.

The question is - how does he get you to give him a chance?

You stare at him when he asks you yet again for lunch, for dinner at the old man’s ramen shop, claiming to have a craving for a taste of the sea, for ramen that slips too easily down his throat. I have plans, you say nowadays before thanking him stiffly, a polite rejection, one that stings. You don’t even entertain him once you and he are done with your project tasks, rebuffing his invitations yet again to study together. I need to keep my roommate company, you say, or I have plans with some of my friends.

“I have tickets for my matches this weekend”, he tells you, another futile attempt to get you to spend some time with him, his skin thick though glowing with slight embarrassment. “We could go grab dinner after the match, it’s just a friendly match so the briefing should be done pretty quickly.“

You look at him like he’s grown a second head. “Thanks, but no thanks”, you mumble, diverting your attention back to your books.

“I mean - if you’re too busy, I completely get it”, he lamely offers. Fuck. You don’t even try to give him an excuse why you can’t make it.

He tries again.

“I have tickets to - uh - some author autograph session. I remember you used to love Mizayaki-sensei’s works all the time last semester.” At the mention of your favourite author, you actually look up, interest sparking in your eyes. He tries his luck. “I was thinking maybe we can go together, and we can have ice cream after? There’s a really nice ice cream place two streets down, and we can hang out, like we used to -”

“It’s very nice of you to offer, but I’ll pass, thanks”, you reply, turning away to stare at your laptop. “Why don’t you take Akaashi-kun instead, he loves Mizayaki-sensei’s books too.”

Damnit. You refuse to take the bait. He’s not going to take Akaashi out with him on what would’ve been a sneaky way to get you to spend time with him, that’s ridiculous, so he just gives Akaashi the tickets, trying to brush aside the younger boy’s questions with a shrug and smile.

“These tickets are really hard to get”, Akaashi murmurs, holding the tickets as if they were gold in his hands. “You’d have had to camp on the website and then go down to basically play the lottery, and you’re giving it away just like that?”

“Was supposed to go with a friend, but she can’t make it”, he tries to duck from the line of interrogation that Akaashi, Kenma and his grandparents seem to be beating down these days.

“A friend”, Akaashi repeats.

“Oh, would you look at the time!” Kuroo points to his non-existent wrist watch. He’s a terrible actor. “Time for practice!” he cries, dashing off to help set up the net even though the other second years have decided to leave it all to the first years, infected by Sato’s insistence on strict hierarchy between the years.

But it gives him time to think, to formulate further plans. Because Kuroo Tetsuro isn’t deterred by things that are difficult. He chases the impossible - that’s obvious from his choice of sport. So if the princess refuses to receive his suit, he will break in, scale the palace gates.

But he may need some reinforcements. Or at least some fresh ideas.

“Assuming I do play those dating sims games that you’re always talking about - what exactly am I supposed to learn from them?” Over the video he can see Kenma stretching in his dorm room before padding over to peer at him through the camera.

“She still hasn’t forgiven you, has she. Figures.”

Kuroo bristles. Kenma’s supposed to be his best friend, not keep raking him over the coals. “That’s besides the point - can you just answer my question? It’s hypothetical -”

“Keep telling yourself that, and any girlfriend you might have will also just be hypothetical -”

He rolls onto his belly, buries his head into his pillow. Only he would put up with a gremlin for a best friend. “That really, really doesn’t even make sense”, he says, voice muffled.

Kenma yawns. “You don’t make sense.”

“Kenma, I’m really looking for some advice here. Some real advice would be helpful.”

“You do realise that you’re asking someone who’s never even thought about being in a relationship before? If you’ve apologised and she doesn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s up to her. I don’t think you can change her mind just with words.”

“So you’re saying I should do something - ”

“I didn’t say that”, Kenma snorts. It’s the type of snort that indicates that he thinks he’s being an idiot, a type of snort that he’s become extremely familiar with over the course of his Nekoma captaincy (Kenma has never appreciated early morning practices, nor the forced cheers about connecting and blood rushing to the brain).

Rude. “You did!”

“Did not - don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Hey, that’s exactly what you just said - “

“Bye, I’m hanging up now -”

“Kenma - don’t hang up on me?!!”

But it’s probably because of Kenma that Akaashi has an annoying, knowing smile on his face when Kuroo asks which bookstore he’s working at on the weekends. He sends him the address immediately, even helpfully points out the best hours to visit - when the crowds are lower, his duties are lesser, and most importantly - when you are very much around. The first time he turns up at the quaint little bookstore with a red brick exterior and even a real life fireplace in the center, you stare at him as if he were a ghost.

“I was hoping you could recommend the best romance novels. Whatever you like in your opinion - I trust anything you’d like to read.”

You’re halfway tempted to call another staff member to attend to him. But Akaashi’s the only other staff member on duty, and he feigns deafness, turning his head away when you hiss for him. “Fine”, you snarl, stomping to the romance section, the other patrons - teenage girls, older moms staring at you both curiously. You point out your favourites with barely concealed impatience, load his arms with books labelled with titles cheesier than a pizza shop and slip away once he’s unable to follow you.

If he spends his own brief afternoon in a squashed armchair, sinking into plush green velvet while sneaking gazes at you, gathering clues about what you might like from these ridiculous stories you apparently like, it’s not bad at all.

“They’re good recommendations”, he tells you. “I’ll be back next week.”

“Please don’t”, you mutter under your breath, even as you bow politely to usher him out at closing hours.

He steps up his efforts, brings you cups of coffee during morning classes, little snacks to keep awake during afternoon classes but you refuse to take them.

“I’m full”, you say when he presents you with a pastry, buttery and flaky. He waves it in front of your nose and your stomach growls, exposing your lie.

“No you’re not - you skipped breakfast, didn’t you.” He tries to force the pastry into your hand, but you swerve, fleeing to another seat. He gives the pastry to a grinning Sato-san instead who noses up towards him when he senses the presence of free food.

Fucking vulture.

When food fails (despite always tempting you before, and he’s surprised when you refuse even his entreaties of ice cream and seafood ramen), he changes course. He tries to give you heartfelt compliments whenever he can - about your work (stellar as always), your appearance (well, he’s not smooth, but he tries his best), but you just stare at him as if you’re trying to suss out whether he means them as a joke.

“That’s a nice dress. Where’re you off to after class? Wait - let me guess, you wanna grab ice cream with me?”

You brush him off, ignoring his invitation - quite coldly, he might add. “I’ve got a dinner date.”

Jealousy is a foreign feeling, but it’s insidious. It slithers its way into the depths of his belly, coils into a tight knot, poised to cut off his breath. “Who’re you going out with?” he asks, trying to keep his voice neutral, but it’s obviously a touchy subject for you (or maybe it’s because he’s asking), because your scowl darkens.

“It’s just someone”, you mutter, trying to change the subject. But he takes advantage of his height to peer over your shoulder at your phone screen, squints on the recipient of your most recent messages.

“Yamauchi?” he says incredulously. Another classmate, friendly, amiable, an all round decent guy but still. “He’s got bad taste in ice cream - he orders mint chocolate chip, which normal human being does that? You shouldn’t go out with him.”

You snatch your phone away, stuff it into your bag. “It’s really none of your business!” you snap, huffing off in the opposite direction.

Damnit.

He’s ready to lance Yamauchi with - with his pen, stab him with his highlighter, trip him with his laptop cable - adopt the spirit of Nohebi’s underhanded tactics to get ahead.

The immature, mean voice in his head is whispering to him to tell Yamauchi that - that he shouldn’t go out with you - he’ll make up a reason on the spot. But his conscience knocks him back towards decency, scolding him in a voice that sounds reminiscent of an angry Yakkun that he has absolutely no right to manipulate and dictate who you date. It’s up to him to win your affections fair and square.

Out of desperation, he even starts toting around those romance novels he knows you love, trying to draw you into a conversation with him about them. “Okay, I admit - pirate-chan was actually pretty cool, especially when he affirmed the princess’s freedom to choose her fate, and I guess it was kinda sweet that she chose to stay with him anyway, even though she could’ve gone home.”

“Sure. Cool”, you say. “Look - sorry I can’t chat, got a thing I need to get to -”

“Wait a minute -”

You just extricate yourself from the conversation by running off - he doesn’t even know where you keep hiding. When you’re on campus, you surround yourself with people, and he’s never been able to find an opportunity to corner you, find a moment to have you to himself.

There are brief moments when he can see you soften ever so slightly around the edges. When he makes a joke about making offerings to the bell curve gods, you huff a snort that errs on the side of amusement rather than exasperation. When he shows you cat videos during class breaks, you stop yourself from giggling but you continue to watch, entranced as Maru-chan the cat fits into yet another impossibly small box. You always snap back into reticence once you realise it’s him you’re talking to, but it’s progress nonetheless.

So he presses on. But time is soon running out.

Your projects are all submitted and up for grading, and while he can try to steal a seat near you during lectures and tutorials, there’s no guarantee you’ll even talk to him. Worse, once the semester ends, he’s unlikely to get into the same classes as you unless you offer up information on the classes you’d be signing up for, and you’re probably more likely to jump into a shark infested pool than give him that information willingly.

“Coach always said not to be impatient”, Kenma reminds him mildly when he mentions off-hand that he might try to ask you out.

“I’m asking someone out on a date - do you really think volleyball advice is applicable in this instance?”

Kenma turns back to his switch, resumes his game. “I’m just saying it might be useful life advice not to rush things.”

“I’m not rushing things! We’ve been friends for close to a year -”

Kenma sighs through his nose. “Have you?”

No, not really. You’ve made it quite clear you don’t really want to be friends, but it’s not like he has much of a choice. Maybe, just maybe you’ll be more convinced if he tries explaining that he’s truly interested in you. Maybe, just maybe you’ll be convinced by his sincerity if he woos you like the suitors do in those romance novels you’re so fond of. Whatever it is, after a month of this dance, he’s ready to try a more direct approach.

He starts with the well worn cliche, waits outside the bookstore for your shift to end with a bushel of red roses.

Akaashi gives him a disapproving look, sticks his head out of the store to remind him not to block any actual customers from entering the store. Rude - he’d buy a book just to qualify as an actual customer, but his budget is a bit tight this week with the roses he had to purchase - luckily, they’re a little cheaper with summer fast approaching, and anyway his bookshelf is fast filling up with the books he’s been buying to impress you -

“Kuroo-san.”

You’re pretty as a button in your neat little apron, a streak of dust on your cheek. He aches to reach over and brush it off, but restrains himself from doing so, lest he lose a finger or two.

“I’ve got roses for you.”

That should be enough to leave no doubts about his intentions about you. From your reaction - a bug-eyed stare, your fingers twisting into your apron, he thinks you should get it. He wants to court you as you deserve, bring you out to eat all the buttery ramen your prickly little heart desires, explore the ice cream shops around the city until the street lights dim and the night bleeds into dawn.

But you surprise him with the unexpected as usual.

“You - this - you can’t eat roses”, you blurt out before dashing back into the store.

His mouth drops open.

“Wait - don’t run off, I’ll get you edible flowers if that’s what you want, a whole sackful of it, come back here - ”

The gaze of Akaashi Keiji is oppressive enough to stop him from entering the store to hunt you down. He leaves with his tail hanging between his legs, scarlet blooms in one hand, aflame in the dying light.

You didn’t seem receptive to the little gifts of food he offered previously, but given your comment about roses not being edible, perhaps he should try again. So he turns up for classes with pocky boxes in sakura pink and an array of kit kats in all the pastel colours of spring, a blatantly corny note - sweets for the sweet. Surely that should be obvious enough for you.

He hasn’t accounted for your newfound status as everyone’s princess getting in the way of his entreaties.

“That’s very nice of you to bring them for everyone to share”, you say, before splitting it amongst everyone else in class - crows and vultures, the lot of them, like Sato-san who gobble up his offerings quickly. He’s left faltering, trying to explain that all the sweet treats are for you.

Because he likes you, damnit.

He - he misses you, so so much. He wants things to go back to what they were before, he wants even more. He wants to go back to the time when you and he were firm friends, when you gave so much of yourself to him - a time when he was an idiot, when he didn’t realise how much you did for him. He wants, he wants and he wants, yes - he made a mistake, a stupid joke that landed wrong - what a understatement, the voice in his head sneers, sounding too much like Yaku that he has to glance over his shoulder, make sure that the ginger haired libero hasn’t learnt to teleport himself from Moscow to Japan - but is it so bad to still want you?

(it is, because he fucked up, made a fool of you. the price of trying to fit in with his new team is the loss of your friendship, he’s trying to pay the cost with compound interest, but he’s starting to wonder if it’s ever enough)

He has to keep trying, keep working at it. You’re not a mere puzzle to be solved, he won’t make the mistake your other classmates made, assume that you’re a machine that’ll give him the right answer the more data he feeds it, but surely, surely his efforts should bear fruit right -

(not really. not when the ground is already poisoned by ignorance and neglect)

It’s a sweltering summer’s day when he realises that perhaps Coach Nekomata’s advice would be applicable to his love life after all.

“You’re an interfering, annoying little bitch.”

The classrooms are meant to be soundproof, thick glass panels that should wall any sound out. But Sato’s snarl is distinctive, a low rumble that menacingly promises trouble. Kuroo hopped into an empty classroom after lunch in an attempt to complete the tutorial for the class later in the afternoon, but the snippets of conversations he can’t help but overhear makes him curious. He pokes his head out.

“I’ll wear that insult as a badge of honour if it’s coming from you.”

Of course - it’s you, standing toe to toe with Sato even though the senior dwarfs you easily. The row of classrooms is set in the quietest corner of Waseda’s business campus, where the shadows are long even in the middle of the afternoon, and possible onlookers far and few inbetween. Perfect for a spot of studying - and so it seems, perfect for a confrontation that’s been brewing for more than a year.

“Bitch -”

“You keep repeating that word like it’s the only word you have in your admittedly narrow vocabulary -”

Kuroo thinks he must’ve broken all his personal records for sprinting, because the minute Sato raises his arm to you, his mind goes blank - never mind that you refuse to back down, continue taunting him to hit you if he really dares - so in line with your headstrong, stubborn nature. He catches Sato’s arm before it swings towards your face, the blow heavy even as he arrests its motion.

“Woah”, he says, his most genial smile plastered on his face. “We’re all classmates here, let’s not quarrel.”

It’s a dangerous game he’s playing. Sato is still a senior, someone he needs to make nice with. Kenma never really understood the hierarchy in sport teams, and Kuroo was never able to defend even his best friend from the usual hazing and bullying from power-crazed seniors because it’s just easier to endure, wait for them to leave. It’s no different here - Sato will just hunt you down incessantly if he’s forced to defend you head on, not to mention he’d make his life difficult, so this is just the path of least resistance -

“I can’t be bothered with petty little bitches like you.”

To his relief, Sato backs off. It’s probably to his benefit, he’d lose his place on the team if he physically assaults a fellow student, never mind his prowess as a pinch server. He waits with bated breath until the older boy stomps off, his shadow gone before he turns to you. But instead of being thankful for his intervention, you’re - you’re fuming. Arms crossed, feet drumming the ground, you refuse to even look his way.

“Look, princess - ”

“It figures that you’d take his side”, your finger stabs his chest, an accusation in every pointed prod. “Of course! Kuroo Tetsuro has made his loyalties very, very clear -”

“I don’t even know what you guys were fighting about”, he protests, but it lends on deaf years. You carry on with your diatribe, full steam ahead.

“That asshole you’ve the poor taste the be buddies with has bullied yet another freshmen girl to do all the work on his projects this semester - and when she came to me to cry about it, I told her not to waste her tears but bring that fucker down instead - he really shouldn’t be getting away with this -”

“- hey, you won’t catch me disagreeing with you on this matter -”

“So then I helped her draft the email with all the evidence supporting her claim that he did approximately zero work for his project and she sent it off to the sensei who rightfully failed him, but somehow, someone got wind of it and told Sato, so now he’s gunning for me -”

“- look, I was just trying to stop you from being beaten up -”

“ - if he hit me he’d have gotten expelled -”

“I am not letting him hit you if I can help it”, he snaps, horrified at the idea that you’re willing to risk bodily injury just to get Sato kicked out of school, even as a part of him falls even deeper in love with - with your boldness and craziness and gods he’s such a fool in love with you.

(wait. in love?!)

(this is not the time to examine that proposition his brain has just thrown up, he can analyse that later)

“Why not?” you tilt your head, genuinely confused. “Why do you even care?”

He gapes at you, genuinely flummoxed. How - how is it not obvious to you? Has all the attention he’s been pouring on you this past semester been for naught? Everyone in the batch - nay, everyone in the entire course probably knows of his planet sized crush on you, and he’s made it so ridiculously obvious that he can’t believe you’re actually asking him why he cares whether someone hurts you.

“You’re kidding me, of course I care. I - I like you. I’ve liked you for some time now - isn’t it obvious?”

You look at him as if he’s just offered you a drink from a glass of sewer water.

“Is this a joke?”

“Far from it”, he counters smoothly, though he has a sinking feeling he’s chosen the wrong moment to spill his feelings for you in words. “Is it so surprising that I like you?”

You scoff. “I don’t believe you. You’re just like Sato - all birds of a feather, you - you’re a bully, just like him-”

“What?!” he tries not to raise his voice, but your accusation discombobulates him, frustrates him that you’d even think that way about him. “Why would you even say that?! I’m not a bully - ”

You level a glare at him, so scalding that his skin nearly erupts in boils. “You made me the butt of your joke in front of all your real friends - you know what they say, alcohol makes you honest, and I’m glad I learnt sooner rather than later that you never saw me as a friend - it hurt at first especially because I thought you were serious about asking me out and I was stupid enough to actually like you, but gods - ”

He just stares at you, your words slowly clicking together in his mind.

“You - you liked me?”

Your laugh rings with bitter regret. “Liked - as in past tense, you asshole. I’m smart enough to realise when I’m being a fool, wasting my time with someone who only saw me as a joke.”

If he looks at the evidence at hand from your time together last semester, look at it with a figurative microscope - the fond smiles when he says something cheeky and teasing, that you always try to cover up with an insult or two, the heat radiating off your cheeks when he wrapped his scarf around your neck, the tender New Year’s wish that nearly knocked him off his feet, the victory charm from you still hanging from his volleyball bag.

You’re clearly not the fool here. He is, for not cherishing what he had with you.

“Is it too late? For me? For us - I - I like you too - been trying to tell you that this entire semester -”

“Haven’t you heard of the tale of the boy who called wolf, Kuroo Tetsuro?”

“That’s not - “ he takes a breath to reset, stopping himself from babbling nonsense. “I’m sorry”, he says firmly. “I should’ve never asked you out as a joke. It’s no excuse that I was drunk. I know it’s a lot to ask you to believe that I really really like you, probably liked you then already, but I was the fool for not realising it sooner -”

“I don’t believe you -”

“Please”, he’s not above begging. “Believe me, I really really like you. I wanna take you out on a date, as many as you’d let me. Just you and me, maybe we can go out and look at stars like they do in your favourite books - I’ll bring you out on picnics in the park, get you all the food you could ever want. We can explore all the bookshops in Tokyo, all the ice cream shops until we explode. I just want you - I want to hang out like we used to, I want us to talk like we used to, from dawn until dusk -”

“I - Kuroo-san -”

He can tell you’re wavering from the way you bite your lip, the way you hesitantly take a step towards him.

“Call me Kuroo again, call me what you want - just - let’s go back to what we had before, let me show you that you can trust me, call me your friend again.”

You’re within reach, he can see it. He just needs to reel you across the finish line.

“C’mon princess”, he murmurs, reaching over to tuck a lock of hair behind your ear. “C’mon pretty girl, just trust me.”

“Kuroo - “

“That’s it”, he says coaxingly. “Trust me - ”

You’re close enough that he can capture your lips in a kiss if he just dips his face to yours, gods - he’s about to give in to temptation, pull you in towards him when the bell rings. A stream of students pour out from neighbouring lecture halls, some of his idiot teammates recognising him and his proximity to a pretty girl, wolf whistling at him as they pass.

You stiffen. “Are you trying to make fun of me?”

“What?” he’s losing you, just as you were within reach. “No - look, listen - ”

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been taking me for a joke all this while, you’ve been harassing me, trying to trick me into thinking that you like me - is this supposed to be funny, Kuroo-san?”

Your words ring familiar in his ears, but he shakes his head yet again.

“I’m not -”

You start to back away from him, your bag in front of you to shield you from him. “Please, stop”. You shake your head, and to his alarm, you’re - you’re crying. Tears in your eyes, silver stabbing him in the gut, far more painful than any weapon you could have chosen to wield.

“Princess, don’t cry. Gods, just - just believe me, this isn’t a joke -”

You’ve never been a joke to him. Your feelings - he’s an idiot for not noticing them sooner, but now he returns them tenfold, maybe more. It can’t be too late - he can still fix this, convince you that he likes you, wants you to himself.

“Princess, I -”

“Shut up!” you scream, anger twisting your face at the sound of the familiar nickname. Tears blur your eyes as you shove at him, pushing him away. “Is your phone recording this?”

Your accusation spears him right in the gut, makes him stumble back, startled. “No. No - what are you talking about, I’d never -”

“There has to be a reason you’re asking me out now. What did you bet on this?”

He stares at you, genuinely dumbfounded. “Nothing. This isn’t a bet or a joke - why won’t you believe me?”

“Because there’s no way you actually like me, is there? You - you placed your idiot teammates above me, made me the butt of all of your jokes, made me seem like some fool pining after you.”

“You’re not a fool -”

Your shoulders hunch, your sobs punch themselves out of your chest. “I am a fool”, you whisper brokenly, weeping into your hands. “Why should I ever trust you again?”

He can’t speak. He’s barely even able to breathe, watching you break down into tears because of him.

The worst part of it all is that he knows you’re right. He knows he’s humiliated you in front of his teammates, thought nothing about your feelings while he tore you down before everyone as a joke. Self flagellation is what he deserves, but even that isn’t enough to redress your wrongs, make up for his sins.

“I can’t trust you. I’d be stupid to”, you finally say, after you’ve calmed down enough for your sobs to be consumed by your ragged breaths. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice - I’d be the biggest fool in the world for believing you, after what you’ve done to me.”

“I’m sorry - ” it’s a lame attempt at trying to right his wrongs with mere words but you very rightfully will hear none of it.

“You can say I’m sorry a thousand times, but I’m never going to trust you again.”

Instead of sneaking into the palace to win the fair princess’ heart, he’s been exiled unceremoniously, banished beyond the borders to some arid desert. The crime he’s committed is dire indeed. There is no excuse he can rely on, no plea he can give to change your mind.

“You’re a fucking asshole, Kuroo Tetsuro”, you say, a parting blow. “Please - if you even have a glimmer of respect for me, please leave me alone.”

For once, he listens to you.

You turn your heel. He watches you go.

a/n: oh kuroo, did you expect anything less?

m.list.~ taglist.~

#Haikyuu x reader #Hq x reader #Haikyuu angst #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro #haikyuu fluff #castles in the air #storm chaser universe

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