#i tried rly hard to make them all happy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kooberryfields4ever · 1 year ago

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happy belated sunghoon day !!!! the rest of 02z incoming but i couldnt help myself 🐒 tried to be “objective” but i am hoon biased so i may have been a leeeeeetle self indulgent at times😭 expect the rest of 02z & others over the next week !!!!

content warnings : nsfw below the cut, exhibitionism, foot kink, oral (both giving and receiving), piv sex etc etc

MDNI !

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

i feel like a lot of enjins hc sunghoon as some crazy hard dom and when he’s done w u he has to be attentive bc he’s gone that crazy on ur body but i don’t see him like that

very gentle nature so i just can't see him being anything but the same in bed....... built to fuck u softly and gracefully and aftercare is the same

loves touching u in a non horny way after he cums, just wants to feel how soft ur skin is so expect a warm wet cloth and ten minutes of him wiping u down while whispering how good u were for him and how beautiful ur body looks when ur spent........ :3

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his fav body part is def his collarbones like how many selfies have we gotten in the past few months where he's got a slutty little vest on showing off his collarbones

also likes his arms bc of the way u grip on to him when he's being particularly rough..... like yes he wants to see those nail marks so bad

his fav body part on u is ur legs. just. every part of them........ the way u wrap them around his head when he's eating u out, the way he grabs them when he's fucking u into the mattress omfg.

lowkey a sucker for ur toes too he loves seeing them freshly pedicured when u play with him on the couch :3

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

inside inside inside inside inside inside

did i mention inside

so so so possessive of ur cute little cunt just wants to make sure it's stuffed full of him and only him. in a romantic way

i can see him liking cumming over ur feet if u give him a footjob too.......

not a messy guy, likes to be pristine, will fuck u full and then makes sure it doesn't drip out by pushing it back into u with his fingers.... says it's cos he doesn't want cum on his sheets but rly it just satiates his need to keep u full all the time

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he's gotten himself off to the thought of fucking u over the kitchen counter in front of heeseung/02z...... more than once......

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

similar to heeseung, knows the basics and what he likes. he's still only young and finding the time to really experience sex is hard with the schedule he has to work around

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

u straddling his lap, leaning back and riding his cock with your legs wrapped around his middle

when ur thighs are just . there . just waiting for him to grab them and rub them and spank them

likes missionary too but particularly if ur legs are thrown over his shoulders for him to hold onto

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

serious boy doing serious boy things.

sex is NO laughing matter for hoonie!!!!!!! i think he might crumble up and die if u laughed while he was inside u .......

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

groomed to the nines baby !!!!! that is a clean shaven man if i've ever seen one

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

so so intimate. sex is compassion to the sag heart so he treats it like it's literally soul-binding

constant whispers of how perfect u feel around him and how ur pussy was made for his cock, how good u are for him and how much he loves u

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

i can't see hoon being much of a masturbator, i figure he has a lower sex drive and that means he can wait out for u if needs be

but when he does jack off he needs to hear ur voice. .... has to call u or have u send voicenotes so he can rly immerse himself n pretend his hand is urs :((

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

lowkey . feet

i just feel it in his vibes

maybe a bit of exhibitionism .... stems from his possessiveness he can't help it he just wants everyone to know that u are HIS his his

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

his bedroom <3 but hoon is not shy to trying it elsewhere..... like if u want him to fuck u against the shower wall best believe hoon will provide !

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

hm mmmm..... i don't see hoon as a deeply sexual man outside of his desperation to be close and connected to u, so probably when ur being very sentimental or sweet to him

i'd probs say physical touch and quality time are his love languages so nothing would get him going more than just spending a nice evening in with u, watching a movie, laying in his lap while he plays with ur hair etc

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i can't imagine hoon saying no to u ? like..... if u wanna try it, he'll try it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

NATIONAL TREASURE : HEAD GIVER !!!!

loves loves loves to eat u out.... loves the way u taste n how u try not to moan too loud in case anyone can hear u :(( but he wants u to be loud he wants everyone to know who's eating ur fat juicy cunt so good . ..

not opposed to a bit of noddy himself ... he's groomed for a reason really ... but as i said before he loves ur legs so licking ur pussy is a good way to get to the goods!!!!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

slow slow slowwww . wants to take his time with u every time :((( wants u falling apart on his cock while he drags against ur walls slowly, prodding ur cervix and ur gspot like a professional

but if ur desperate for a rough and fast fuck just make him a little jealous ;3 stroke jake's arm playfully or giggle too loud at one of heeseung's jokes and ur guaranteed to make sunghoon fuck u hard into the mattress, have him grunting in ur ear that u belong to him, ur pussy is all his :(( makes him so mad seeing u with the members like that when it should all be for him ....

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

doesn't care for them rly. he's not able to fuck u well enough under a time crunch and would rather wait a week to take u home and fuck u properly... :(

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he's down if ur down, definition of ride or die !!!!! just wants to see u happy

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

one and done kinda guy, not that he wouldn’t be able to keep going but i just can’t see him being as turned on after he nuts…….

unless it’s jealous sex, then expect to be fucked full as many times as his balls will allow him bc ur his and his only and he wants to make sure he’s made his mark on ur pussy forever :((

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

no toys for himself, he can barely get off without your being there so using toys on himself would just be impractical

always wanted to try one of those phone controlled vibrators on u…….

have u sit next to him on the couch watching a movie with 02z, and maybe hoon gets a little bored and turns it up …

just a little :3

and u cling to him a little tighter nd ur face blushes a little more :3

even jake turns to u and asks if ur feeling okay ….. but u can’t reply anything but a faint “yeah” as sunghoon turns it up even more next to u :(( ur poor pussy clenching so hard around it searching sooo desperately for release :(( and then he turns it off, and the knot in ur stomach loosens …..

u can barely whisper out an apology to jake and jay when u drag sunghoon off the couch to his bedroom to fuck u fair and square >:((

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

loves to give so i dont see him teasing much …. only when he rly wants to hear u beg for him and only him

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not too loud, soft grunts and whispers about how ur his, ur pussy was built for him… built to wrap perfectly around his cock and milk him dry…… how bad he needs to fill u up with his cum nd show everyone who u belong to….

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

u guys love relaxing on the couch at his dorm, watching movies…but when ur eyes catch his jawline n sharp nose u cant help getting a little restless :(( u scooch back a little to throw ur feet in his lap to rub at his bulge, n hoon eyes u suspiciously but says nothing ^_^ ur safe to keep going, eventually pulling his fully hard length out of his sweatpants n jerking him off with ur pretty painted toes nd soft soles until he finishes all over ur feet :3 nd of course he has to scoop some of it up on his fingers and bring it to ur mouth for u to eat, who needs popcorn anyway???

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

average length, slightly on the thicker side

already mentioned but very smooth !! keeps it well groomed

i’m saying uncut

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

not very high, if needs be he can go a little while without sex but when he needs u he needs u BAD

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he can stay up to talk to u for hours after sex, doesn’t tire him out really but it makes him want to be impossibly closer to u for the entire rest of the day/night

#koob navi #sunghoon smut #sunghoon hard hours #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #i’m obsessed with possessive hoon #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon x y/n

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specific-dreamer · 2 months ago

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do u have any hc about darry and ace? I love in the musical tht she is the only one to call him "superman" and jumps on his back like twice i think? also just read a rly good fic of ace x marcia where ace does know about darry and pauls relationship and he confides in her abt it

this is more a headcanon on their backstory (i fear i got carried away) i hope that’s ok 😭

i mentioned in the tags of a previous post, but i think darry prayed one night (lilo and stitch style) for god to give him a sister because pony and soda were annoying him and like a month later two-bit steve and bales (who is he in the show btw?? like he’s in the lore but idk him in the show. i digress) introduce everyone to ace and he’s utterly convinced that god answered his prayer

due to that he tries to be on his best behavior around her because he doesn’t want god to take her back

so he tries to be polite and gentle with her

but for a what 13/14? yr old boy (if ace was twelve when they met and im assuming she’s the same age as steve) it’s really hard

one quiet lazy afternoon when it’s just them two in the curtis living room playing cards, she asks what’s his problem? and she goes on this rant about how if he don’t like her than he should just come out and say it.

darry’s flabbergasted. and highly embarrassed because he thought he was being discreet, in treating her more gentle, but he confesses how he thought her a gift from god and ace? she falls in love (/p) right then and there. because she’s never heard that before, especially not towards her.

so she’s all giggly and happy at the thought of anyone thinking her a gift and wanting to be gentle enough to preserve her. she’s giddy at the thought of being perceived as feminine/soft even when she’s wearing her boy-est clothes, she’s excited that someone has those thoughts about her without any expectation of getting anything more from her.

she doesn’t say any of this, but it’s evident how pleased she is by the huge grin on her face. but she does tell darry that she can hold her own weight and he doesn’t have to be gentle all the time.

but when she does want to be treated more delicate it’s always darry she goes to. she trust the others ofc but it’s something about how darry’s first instinct is to treat her like a flower, that makes her more attuned to him.

i think that’s why he’s always lifting her and carrying her somewhat akin to a princess in the show.

that got away from me lord um here are real headcanons that may be more what you were hoping for anon 🤧

every year for halloween the guys always want to do scary gory shit for their costumes or they’d want to go pull pranks and shit on the socs. this however is the one night ace let’s herself go out dressed to the nines, so she usually dresses up as like a princess or a fairy or something that’s traditionally girly and overtop. darry usually wants to go out with the guys but she looks at him once (1) with a fake pout and he’s putty. he’s immediately figuring a matching costume and he’s calling paul to look for a party for him and ace to go to. (one year they were wonder woman and superman, hence his nickname)

idk what darry is in my headcanons but he asks ace how to ask out a girl and she laughs her ass off for a solid thirty minutes before she’s any help. it’s okay because he does the exact same when she asks him later.

when ace is struggling to figure out how to do her own makeup (tricky eyeliner or something idk) she forces darry to sit down and let her do his makeup

darry takes ace to his senior prom. that’s it send tweet

(in a parry universe, darry and ace go on double dates with paul and marcia)

that’s all i got off the top of my head ! i hope these were alright ! (but also per the last part of ur ask, im begging for the link)

#the outsiders #darry curtis #the outsiders ace #tilly give her a last name pls #outsiders musical #the outsiders broadway #the outsiders headcanons #thanks anon !

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lulaing · 2 months ago

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I think what Nicholas did was never intended to be malicious and of course it was a lapse of judgement but I feel like if he would’ve told them no that also would’ve been a big deal.

I wonder how you came to my askbox I didn’t even post about this yet but I appreciate you for the kind words. The internet has been a nightmare the last few hours, my head hurts lol.

But yeah, I agree. And let’s be real, he’s someone who loves to make others happy — him saying no to someone who wants to take pics with him feels hard to picture to me. I really think he didn’t think it through when it happened and if he did, it was not with a bad intent, why would he put himself in that situation?

I actually ended up writing a lot so buckle up.

Trigger warning - abuse , mental health issues

I am sick of people finding anything they can to hate on celebrities and with it cancelling everyone who supports them. Like the Cooper prosthetic thing last week, too, for example.

I almost got hate on X for standing up to them, because I asked questions and tried to state my thoughts. The internet is — some sides of it are — cruel. People are cruel.

We can all learn without HATE. We don’t need to cancel someone for their mistakes. We can teach them, we can tell them, we can show them.

The costumes are NOT okay, but the cancel culture and hate isn’t okay either.

Can we talk about mental health for a minute?

Why aren’t the costumes ok? Because being victims of abuse is a real and traumatic experience and it’s not something you go on and dress up as. It’s traumatic for survivors! I believe people are doing it because they liked the actors and their performances and fail to thinking it through. I also believe some are mocking the brothers too but that’s another story and I don’t want to go there, they can rot in hell for all I know. Disgusting.

But, my topic here is, you know, on why abuse is a mental health issue — because it traumatizes people. And trauma can be generated in many forms.

ABUSE comes in ALL FORMS. Sexual, mental, emotional.

So the cancel culture are not far from being abusers. Why? Because they are also traumatizing the people! Now, I am not saying they are aware of what they’re doing — they use the media and just say what they think but we can do so RESPETFULLY! Out of topic kinda but important to mention: Often you see celebs going to psychologists mostly because of this media shit — and still they have to SMILE and keep on with a camera all their lives!!

Mind you that some people already have mental health issues without hate and cancel culture — imagine being put on the spotlight and getting that every week like Nicholas? Or anyone in similar positions, really! Please.

You defend the brothers because you defend victims of abuse, you stand up to the rights of victims who lived real trauma, so don’t bring trauma to others too.

No one has the right to traumatize anyone to make them learn. We all need to learn to respect everyone’s life timeline — what we understand now is less that we will understand in a few weeks, months or years and that’s ok. What we know now and what we will learn in the future has a huge gap. People learn. People grow.

Love always wins — empathy is key. And I rly hope people mature to this, to see that we can all learn from mistakes and be respectful.

I’m sending love to everyone who had to relive trauma because of these pictures and for this reason I will not share them.

Sorry for the long text. Hope it makes sense.

Much love xx

#ugh I’m so tired of this topic help me #nicholas alexander chavez #Nicholas Chavez #ask #mental health #victims of abuse #survivors of abuse

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pianostarinwonderland · 10 months ago

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY AZUL

i have nothing prepared for you except my wet soppy thoughts

maybe i might rush write something bc i do have a few ideas on what to write

fucking breathes

the best. fucking. groovy. ever.

like everyone go home right now.

I have tried to think of every way they could make him look good but it ends up being how they could fuck it up because I’m gonna be honest, a lot of Azul’s recent cards are either decent or not hitting that well 🤡🤡

but this. THIS.

HOLLLLYYYYYYYY FUCK IT’S EVERYTHING

THE LIGHTING . THE THE FUCKING FUCK.

TEH ? VMS LISTEN. HE'S THE CHARACTER FOR EVIL SMIRKS, SO OFC THIS SERIES OF EVIL GROOVIES WAS GONNA BE PERFECT FOR HIM BUT BU T BU T

THIS IS SOOOOOO GOOOD. LIKE??????? DEADASS THE BEST ???? SMIRK??????? HE'S EVER MADE?????????? AND HE LOOKS SOOOO MUCH LIKE HIMSELF

THIS IS ALSO THE BEST ANGLE WE'VE EVER GOTTEN THAT SHOWS HIS 'BALD' SIDE AND THAT'S S OGUFKCKNGJ GOOD

AND AND

🧍‍♀️

he hey sir.

your hand looks cold.

m mm mind if i h hh hh hhhh hhol— gunshots are fired

ADN CAN I JUST

CRY ABOUT

PART OF YOUR WORLD BEING THE PAINTING LIKE LEI EK JLGSLKGNLSKDNGOADSNGOAINSAONGOAISNGI0AOHGIOAHGSDHIFGHSDOIGFHNSDINGIDSNJGKVDS

FUCKKKKK THIS WAS WHAT I'VE WANTED FOR THE PAST FWE MONTHS

THE PART OF YOUR WORLD SEGMETJKNJENJKSNGFNDKSJNGKSDKGNSDKLNGLSDGNDSLGS

FUCKGN ISN FCYRING

LISTEN LISTEN.

LISTEN.

I WILL DROP A HOT TAKE RIGHT NOW

THE LITTLE MERMAID SONG THAT DEFINES AZUL IS NOT POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS BUT IT'S PART OF YOUR WORLD

AZUL'S SCHEMING AND CUNNING IS DEFINITELY FROM URSULA AND IS REFLECTED SOOOO MUCH IN POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS

BUT HIS DREAMS

HIS GOALS

HIS AMBITIONS AND DETERMINATION TO MAKE HIS WISHES COME TRUE

PART OF YOUR WORLD REFLECTS THAT.

AZUL WOULD NOT BE AZUL IF IT WASNT FOR PART OF YOUR WORLD

AND THE SPECIFIC PART THEY SHOW OF PART OF YOUR WORLD. IT'S THE PART WHERE ARIEL WAS DETERMINED TO GET TO THE SURFACE

THAT'S LITERALLY AZUL

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

OUGOSHGHSODGHSUGUDSOHGODSGHOSDGDSGOSDHGISDOSDNGDGDSNGNSDOIGNIONAONGNAONSGIOSOGA

ok and can i just

scream about his story

BECAUSE. GOD FUCK THAT STORY LEFT ME DEAD.

loike like AZUL TALKED ABOUT HIS GRANDMA?????

THE SECOND BDAY STORY IN A ROW THAT HE TALKS ABOUT HOW HIS GRANDMA RAISED HIM AND AND HOW SHE'S BEEN SUCH A BIG INFLUENCE IN HIS LIFE

he's a grandma's boy ouhghfohfgf he loves his grandma sm he respects her and cherishes her goddddddddd

i love how he's aware that true compassion comes from not just spoiling someone but also disciplining them and whatnot

it adds to the balanced theme that he has going on

i also just rly love in general that azul loves and respects the maternal figures in his life not only because it makes him more respectable but also because it ties in with the feminism theme that you find in the little mermaid (whether animated or live action)

then then THE WHOLE LIKE,,, PART WHERE AZUL TELLS JAMIL THAT HE WAS SO SURPRISED AT ALL THE NEW SCENTS ON LAND THAT HE WAS SNIFFING AROUND LITERALLY

i first saw that part in an out of context screenshot, where jamil's like "lol haha you were just sniffing around everywhere omg" and i was like HUH?????

@/doom on twt also pointed out that it might be why Azul's into colognes and i think i shuold just be defenestrated at this point from how insane i've been goign

THE BARBEQUE PART THO

IT'S SO CUTE

AZUL, FLOYD, AND JADE DOING A BARBECUE....... WHEN THEY BARELY KNEW ABOUT LAND CULTURE AND PHYSICS................

AND THEY BURNT EVERYTHING LMAOOOO AND THE TWEELS BLEW SMOKE INTO HIS FACE THAT WAS JUST SO CUTE HONESTLY

jamil's like wow that sounds funny haha and honestly same jamil same

AND THEN THE PART WHERE THEY TALK ABOUT THE PR FOR NRC

god typical azul for doing it so that he can boost himself before graduatign

but i also got a lil emotional on that part not gonna lie bc he's Still grabbing opportunities to achieve his goals and he's working hard for them and god honestly that's one of the main reasons why i fell for him and i still love him for it

i also like

fucking died over his voiced line s

wtf

wtf are those lines

azul actually talking about love and crushes in his groovy....... but it's just him saying it's great cause he can exploit it lmaoooo

babe you're gonna be a disaster when you actually like someone i know it

jamil's already bordering on it, but if you actually end up liking Liking someone it's so over

personally what really fucking sent me though was Azul going "I take art as one of my courses so I can explain to you any painting you're interested in" LIKE

CMON.

CMONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

lore on NRC courses???

but also the way that's phrased sounds like art is an elective you can opt to take ? ?

and he CHOSE to take art? //? /

hELL O

AHAHFAHSHFOIAHSIOFHIOASHFIAS THE ARTIST IN ME IS GOING AWAOHOAHGOAH

ofc Azul looks at art in a business sense, but i love that he's so wiling to branch out and rly appreciate it

cause how many ppl out there put down art :')) employers in particular are really iffy about this

Azul's also designed mostro lounge so you know he has his own style

also wtf Azul, you have your tentacles in business, in science and maths (science would be chemistry ish because of alchemy and arithmetic is Literally listed as his talent), and now in the arts

just.

just

man

happy birthday ashengrotto. take my tears and my insanity for now until i can writey ou smth better

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst jp #azul ashengrotto

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hinamie · 3 months ago

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hi hina what are your top three pokemon games??

b/w & b2/w2 I BELIEVE IN GEN5 SUPREMACY !!! the MUSIC!!!! THE GRAPHICSSS GOD THE LIMITED 3D GRAPHICS THEYRE SO CHARMING!!!!!!! not to mention the loml N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god i feel so much about N. honestly the motivations of the evil team r actually so interesting and I think it makes for some of the most compelling story u see in the early pokemon games. pokemon liberation??? hello???? it's one thing to want to take over the world or like. flood the earth but to manipulate the masses and play to people's guilty conscience by insinuating that they might be Hurting pokemon by keeping them captive??? they did not have to cook so severely with that concept but i'm so glad they did. That being said I think I prefer the story of the original b/w games just because of how new and unsettling it was to encounter team plasma for the first time and all the interactions with N, but I do rly appreciate how the sequels expounded on them! colress is ok as a villain and even more ok as mad scientist twink eyecandy so I'll allow him gfsdjh I also do like that b2/w2 included more pokemon in the base games I love you early riolu i love you castelia city eevee encounter,,,. I also LOVE how they tried to pull a Trainer Red 2.0 with the postgame battle against the b/w MC in the sequels god gen5 is so GOOD :’)

Platinum i mean is anyone surprised hfdsjg sinnoh is art to me. fr all i rave about gen5 gen4 is the one I grew up with and played alongside my friend group as a kid so when it comes to the nostalgia factor, sinnoh is unmatched. The legendaries in this gen r iconic and so well designed there is not a single one that sticks out as a hard miss. sinnoh gave us cresselia and darkrai it gave us 2 forms of shaymin it gave us !!! glaceon!!!!!!!! i love u sinnoh always <3

hg/ss listen i know these games get a bit of a bad rep for having poor power scaling and being baby games in terms of difficulty but i do not care bc i can see my guys walking behind me and that is all i care about argue with a wall!!!!! also pokeathelon >>>>>>>>

i also have to give an honourary mention to sw/sh gdfshjgdsjk games that arguably get an even Worse rep ik but hear me out. they were my return to the pokemon games after having skipped gens 6-7 entirely and I enjoyed my playthrough SO much I genuinely had so much fun. I wasn’t too put off by the glitches or the objectively bad plot, I was just so happy to be playing pokemon again :’> ALSO I am a proud Hop defender I respect the hell out of the writers for the arc they gave him. Was it rushed and underdeveloped yes but by pokemon game standards? I honestly found Hop’s self-doubt n identity crisis super moving sue me. Also the trainer character designs r so GOOD RAIHAN CALL ME

another honourary mention to s/v gfjhd i haven't played it personally bc I could not get past the graphics of it but speaking of compelling pokemon storytelling,,, Arvin mr. mommy/daddy issues I care abt u so much. ALSO CHAR DESIGN HEAVEN HELLO LIKE GRUSHA?? RIKA??? CALL M E

#kikuism #answered #pkmn

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fictionstudent · 19 days ago

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Kafka's magnum opus.

Metamorphosis is Kafka’s most celebrated novel. And it’s no doubt that it’s well-deserved. The way the characters play their part, the way this world works, and the themes that the story tackles—Metamorphosis truly resonates with a lot of people today.

I read the novel long ago, but I couldn’t help but think about it still. And, to be honest, I wanna re-read it once again these days. My recent writers’ block has left me demotivated about reading and writing a lot, and I really wanna read something that brings that motivation back.

Anyway, I’m not here to trauma-dump lol. I wanna engage in this conversation about Metamorphosis, how it reflects Kafka’s feelings, and the themes that it tackles. So let’s get goin’.

***

#01 – The Plot

The plot of Metamorphosis is simple—as Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And if you couldn’t catch it, this is the exact same sentence that begins the novel. I ChatGPT’d it, by the way, and different translators are gonna use different vocabulary, you know, because the novel is originally written in German—so maybe it’s not entirely your fault that you couldn’t catch that.

Anyway, everything that happens after that is quite… tumultuous. He finds out that he couldn’t talk, walk like a human, or even get of this bed without much difficulty. And his family—they’re obviously scared.

But all that doesn’t bother me. Gregor, all this time, is only thinking of his job till now. He’s the sole breadwinner of his family, and he has some important stuff to do at his job today that, apparently, I forgot about. Lol.

As time goes on, his sister tries her best to help him—she cleans his room, gives him food. But his parents have already lost interest. His appearance worries them, and they can’t see their son in him. Because there’s no one earning now, money is their main problem. They try renting one of their rooms, but, well, let’s just say that didn’t really go well. Because of Gregor. (i dun rly wana spoil it all yk.)

Gregor feels like a burden to his family. And that’s probably because he’s a burden to himself, too. He can’t work, or even get outside his room now. His family is scared of him.

Some misunderstandings later, even his sister is not interested in him anymore. But, as Gregor cuts himself away from these people he can’t even communicate with anymore, he finds it fun to climb and use his new limbs. He’s finally enjoying his transformation—and that’s precisely what brings about the misunderstanding I talked about earlier.

And soon, he dies a tragic death. A death that everybody is happy about. A death that brings about the hopes and warmth in people’s life, that takes the burden off their shoulders. And maybe Gregor’s too.

***

#02 – The Alienation

Now, the story very obviously focuses on the themes of alienation and loneliness. And maybe that’s why the novel is as relevant as it is today��loneliness is never easy. And it’s hard to convey this emotion. Probably because it refers to being alone, but you can feel lonely without being alone, y’know.

At the beginning of the novel, Gregor wakes up and finds that he’s turned into an insect. And it’s a really powerful opening, because loneliness is not something that seeps into an individual’s life slowly. It just… happens. One day, everything changes.

One day, you wake up. You look around. And you find out that you’re different. And that makes it difficult to even get outta your bed and start the day.

But is there something wrong with you, and that’s why you’re alienated? This is a question that this novel asks itself a lot, though not explicitly. Is there something wrong with Gregor, or is he just different?

Or has something changed? Yeah, I’d take this one—something changed. Not just how Gregor sees himself, probably, but how others see him. Or Gregor’s just find out how people actually see him, and that’s what brings about this metamorphosis.

It’s really a tough question, if you think, what Kafka is trying to symbolize with this. Why has Gregor turned into an insect? I mean, why is it not the other way around, where others have changed but he hasn’t?

That’s probably got something to do with how alienation makes you feel. If—God forbid—has such a situation come up for you, you know how you feel that there’s probably something wrong with you and that’s why people won’t talk to you. You can’t point out what it is, but you get the gut-feeling that there is something.

Another thing that turning into an insect might represent is that Gregor thinks that he’s smaller, weaker, or in some way just worse than others. Just… not equal to others, y’know.

Kafka has done a really good job setting this up, now that I think about it. The symbolism of turning into an insect really describes well what people might experience during loneliness—and probably this is why we still read and talk about this novel.

As the story goes on, Kafka goes deeper into this feeling of despair and self-denigration. Gregor is a burden to himself as well as to his family. And because he can’t communicate, he’s pushing everybody away—though others didn’t really try to be with him either.

However, Gregor starts to find peace in this darkness too. He learns to live with it—and now, he enjoys using his limbs to climb up walls. That’s another symbolism—how people kinda get used to this feeling of loneliness and start finding enjoyment in even the littlest of things. And, sometimes, even use it to their advantage.

It so beautifully represents how life is not just black or white—it’s gray. It’s not happy or sad—it’s bittersweet. And that’s what I love most about this novel—even though the situation Gregor finds himself in is so damn unrealistic, everything that happens around it is way too real. Way too real.

I, personally, resonate so much with the whole premise and every symbol that’s presented here. If you look at it, the novel is so obviously one big metaphor for loneliness.

***

#03 – The Third Act

In the end, Gregor dies. Alone, at one corner of his room.

And everybody is relieved. The big insect is not haunting their room anymore, Gregor’s sister is mature enough to take up the house’s responsibilities, and the family has enough for now to move to some better place and start a better life.

The ending doesn’t make sense. When Gregor turned into an insect, the family was being slowly relegated to poverty. But now that he’s dead, all their worries have suddenly gone away.

The thing is—this ending reflects Kafka’s own state of mind. It’s not logical—it’s not supposed to be logical. It’s supposed to convey what might happen when Kafka dies—and it’s that people would be better of without him. That people around him would thank Destiny for his death, for taking the burden of the man named Franz Kafka away from them. For ever.

It's so damn pessimistic, but I guess that’s what loneliness does to you. It’s no doubt that Kafka has always felt this loneliness in his personal life. His works were never published in his lifetime, so he must have felt worthless as a writer. And as a human, he had so little social relationships. He had some tensions with his father, and he felt his mother was never there for him either. He had lovers, but he never married.

He died alone.

The third act of this novel is not the real ending to the story—it’s how Kafka thinks it’s supposed to end.

***

#04 - Conclusion

Sorry it got a little depressing, lol. For this blog, I thought a lot about the story and the ideas it toys with, and I think it’s really a masterpiece. His magnum opus. And now I have sufficient reasons to back it up.

I’d love to write something this deep and realistic. That’s why I aim to study novels, after all.

And yeah, sorry for these rare uploads. I’ve been suffering through a really bad writers’ block for the past couple of months, as I hinted earlier, and at one point, it was so bad that I could not even move myself to open my laptop and write. I’d never procrastinated writing before, so the anxiety that comes with it kinda made it worse. I even scrapped the novel I was working on (again), and I guess I’d start writing something new in some time.

But it’s better than before, and I should be back on track from now on. Also, Imma write a blog about the writers’ block, lol, so just you guys wait. More good stuff is on its way.

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slytherinshua · 2 years ago

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IM SO EXCITED YOU DONT EVEN KNOW!!! AGAIN, CONGRATS!! ITS ALL WELL DESERVED AND IM HAPPY I CAN BE HERE AND WAYXH U GROW BC!!! IR TALENT SHOULD BE APPRECIATED!!

now to the req…. hehehe….. let me tell u how excited i was when i saw you’re taking k-dramas KMG!!!! so obv…

YUL FROM AOS!!! yul my beloved he’s such a cutie patootie– anyways… fluff: 39, 53 and other: 30!! idk i just feel like it suits him!!

MASTER YUL

genre. fluff. master x pupil trope. warnings. kissing. spoilers for aos ig? its not rly set in any particular episode but park jin is still the leader of songrim so i'd say loosely around ep 10-12. pairing. seo yul x fem!reader. wc. 2.1k. a/n. ahhhh axe tysm for requesting smth for yul 😭 our baby 🫶 i kinda got carried away with this and then didn't proof read it so idk how good it is lol but i had fun writing it!!

“Give me one chance. I can hold my own in a fight. I will do anything it takes.” You pleaded, practically begging at the steps of the training centre in Jeongjingak.

People from low class families, and especially women were never accepted into Songrim Jeongjingak. Everyone in Daeho knew that, and you’d have to be a fool or stupidly brave to try to say otherwise. You were probably both given that you were standing by the doors of the training centre at the moment, your slightly scuffed up clothing and long hair giving you no favours.

You wanted to blame your father for your current situation, but since he was currently cold in his grave and you respected him too much, you didn’t let your thoughts wander in that direction.

He had always insisted that you needed to know how to defend yourself, starting at a young age. After years of burdensome training, you started to finally feel the rush and satisfaction of a fight. After years of complaining about the lessons your father taught you, you finally wanted to learn spells. You wanted to use the energy inside your body. You desperately wanted to feel like you were useful, powerful, capable.

You excelled in all the ladylike areas, from sewing and needlework, to gardening, to singing and dancing thanks to your mother. But they were all just so boring. Your habit of spending your entire day in the public library reading all the books on spells started when you were 14. It only grew over the next few years until your father knew you wanted more than he could offer you.

He wasn’t a highly skilled mage, and in his lifetime had not needed to progress beyond Jipsu, the ability to gather the energy of water. You had mastered that years ago and had progressed to tackling the skill of Ryusu. You tried hard to master it on your own once your father taught you all his lessons, but it was a near impossible task.

You needed a master, but none would accept you as their pupil. After almost every master in the country turned you down for various reasons, you turned to your last option - Songrim.

Face to face with Lord Park, one of the most renowned mages in the capital, and the current leader of Songrim, you held your head high as he refused your pleas.

One look at you had him and the other mages glaring you down and shaking their heads with disapproval. They wouldn’t even give you a chance. Dozens of remarks were thrown at you. You let them pass through one ear and out the other, not letting these men get the chance to see you turn away defeated. You were already risking your pride begging them, but you wouldn’t leave without being able to showcase your skills first.

“You really think our masters would waste their time and energy on a girl like you with no potential?” One rude young mage sneered, and you bowed your head further, finally feeling your blood boil with rage. You gripped your sword tight enough that your knuckles turned white, resisting the urge to unsheathe it and hold it to his neck.

I have more potential in my left pinky finger than you or any of your ancestors have had for the past 300 years, you whispered under your breath in spite, making sure it wasn’t loud enough for him to hear it.

You were unaware of a party of mages returning to the training centre at the moment, and the one leading the way seemed to have picked up on what you were mumbling. He stood next to you, a slight smirk playing on his lips as he glanced at you.

“Cha Beom is an asshole, but I wouldn’t waste your words on him.”

You glanced to the side, surprised that someone was taking your side. As you looked him over, you were sure you had seen him somewhere before. His face was fair and handsome and his clothes were neat. He looked pristine and well-mannered, but more than anything, he looked like he stuck to the rules. He was probably the last person you pictured sticking up for someone like you. You also thought that the word ‘asshole’ didn’t fit coming from his mouth.

“I’ll spar with her. If she can beat me, let her train here. If she can’t, then I’ll train her myself.” The mage said confidently. Your eyebrows furrowed at his brazenness. Wouldn’t he get reprimanded for speaking such an outlandish thing?

But he didn’t.

You watched as Lord Park sighed and waved the young mage off. An older man, Master Heo, started to protest, but upon Lord Park’s clear disinterest in continuing the situation, he was silenced.

“Do what you wish with her, Yul. Train her yourself.”

The mage smiled at Lord Park and bowed before turning to you, “So, Y/n. Let’s see those skills, hm?”

“How do you know my name?”

“I know a lot of things.” He remarked.

“Do you really have what it takes to train me? Aren’t you just another mage at Jeongjingak?” You questioned with uncertainty, earning a scoff from the young mage.

“You don’t know who I am, do you?” He asked in disbelief.

“Should I?”

He nodded, “Let me explain it. I have always been the top student at Jeongjingak; I mastered all the books, reached Chisu in a short amount of time, and people always come to me when they need help. That is me, Seo Yul.”

“Ah… I see. You’re smarter than you look, then.” You concluded, walking forward.

Yul paused, eyes blinking and head turned to the side in thought, “Is that a compliment for my intelligence or an insult for my looks?” He called out to you, making you turn around again.

“It was meant to be neither, though I suppose you are… decent.”

“Decent?”

“Mm… Your looks aren’t exactly my style, but even I can’t deny that you’re not too bad.” You continued, smile widening every time his face further scrunched in confusion. Teasing him was more fun than you thought.

“Is this how you’re going to treat your new master?”

“Why? You don’t like it?”

“You’re just very… blunt.”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it, Master Yul.”

Yul’s eyes widened slightly, the formality of the new name was far from the regular “Young Master Seo” he was used to hearing. Hearing it from you brought him some strange satisfaction and warmth. It was strange.

Yul was a hard master to please. More often than not, you felt like he was disappointed with you because he always kept a straight face. He always forced himself to hide his affection for you for fear that it would distract from your training, which frustrated you. You clinged onto the moments where he let his true emotions shine through just a bit. The lingering stares and little smiles— from those small moments you were sure that he was actually a warm person, and not the cold, strict master like he appeared on the outside. You just needed to find a way for him to break the facade.

Because he was so skilled himself, impressing him only happened once in a blue moon. You tried your best, and improved quickly under his guidance. He would train you rigorously every weekday after his own training at Jeongjingak. Usually you would be by the river, using the rough and difficult terrain to your advantage. It definitely helped with your dexterity and swiftness. After just a few months, you had mastered Ryusu.

The bright smile on Yul’s face when you were finally able to gain energy from the water was one you would never forget. He even laughed a bit, and you swore you were happier about making him happy than progressing in your training.

Your love for teasing Yul never went away. His expressions were just too adorable to make you want to stop, and you felt that they gave him a small break from the pressure he was under as the eldest son of the Seo family.

You were thinking about all your little habits you had picked up around Yul, when it hit you. How you felt that warm fluttering feeling in your stomach when you saw him smile, and the heat crept onto your cheeks whenever he had to touch your hand to show you a proper placement for a spell. That wasn’t a normal master-pupil thing. You liked him.

As you packed up your supplies one late night by the river, his perfect face kept flashing in your mind. His cute smile curving on his lips like when you mastered another spell, the subtle curve of his nose, the plush berry colour of his lips, the softness in his eyes. He was truly one of the most pure humans you had ever come into contact with, and your adoration for him only grew everyday.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” You scolded yourself under your breath. Now that you were aware that you were in love with him, how much harder would it be to go to training with him? You were sure you were going to be flustered and tripping your own two feet the next time you tried to work on your spells with him.

“Who are you calling stupid?”

You flinched and turned around, seeing Yul sitting in one of the trees by the bank, watching you pack up intently.

“Myself. Why’re you still here?” You asked, cheeks heating up when he jumped down from the tree smoothly and crouched down next to you to help you pack the rest of your things.

“Because my pupil is still here even though the sun has already set long ago.” He said, a smile playing on his lips but he suppressed it like always. His hand moved to pick up the bottle of medicinal herbs you had to put in your bag and his fingers brushed against yours, your cheeks heating up even more at the action. In a panic, you realised the moon shining down on you was just enough light for Yul to pick up on the colour of your cheeks. You silently cursed him for noticing every little detail about you.

“Wait… Are you blushing?” He asked with uncertainty. You backed away slightly, whispering a hushed “no” and hoping he would drop the subject. You weren’t used to this side of him, and your nerves grew every time his face inched closer to yours. How was he always so calm and collected while able to make you so flustered?

“Let me check your breathing technique, Y/n.” Yul said quietly, hand gently resting on your stomach. You looked up at him with wide eyes, breathing in short fast puffs. You saw his lips stretch into what looked like a smirk. “Your breathing is completely off. What did I tell you about practising it even when you’re not training?”

“I… I’m sorry. I must’ve… forgotten.” You mumbled, mind spinning as you wondered why his hand was still touching you.

“Do I need to remind you more often?” He asked, head tilting as he looked at you fondly. You stayed silent, wide eyes staring into his like he had put you in a trance— as if you were incapable of looking away.

Your eyes moved faster than your brain as they flickered down to his lips for a split second. If your brain was able to make a sound, it would be screaming at you right now. Why the heck would you do that? There was no way Yul wouldn’t catch on to it. You’re screwed.

You couldn’t think or even breathe when you saw him leaning in, eyes blinking closed until his soft lips finally met yours. Your cheeks burned as you kissed him back. You couldn’t think about anything but him - the feeling of having him so close, your hearts racing in sync, him pulling you closer by the waist. Your hands moved on their own, gently carding through the soft hairs at the back of his head until he eventually pulled out, still holding you close.

You caught your breath and calmed your racing heart, whispering a soft, “...Did you just kiss me?”

“Yes.” He smiled. You wondered when he got the power to steal all your confidence.

“Can you… do it again?”

“I didn’t know you liked it that much.” He smiled, eyes glimmering, moonshine reflecting off his face, "I guess my looks are a bit more than just decent?" He teased as he leaned in once more, pressing another soft kiss to your lips.

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year ago

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care for my kagepro au inspired by phineas and ferb across the 2nd dimension where they hang out in a dark undisclosed location and they all have knives

this is extremely over the top and supposed to be funny btw. ayano's plot hole plan that makes no sense doesn't work but from another angle. she gets spit back from the daze in the same way it doesn't make sense for her to stay in there and she's still in THE AIR FROM JUMPING so erm she shatters a leg and maybe her spine too. fun times. she walks with a limp now

ayano in the daze's like. but i wanted this -> i deserved this -> im guilty i got what i wanted though -> i deserve punishment -> this IS punishment -> but i wanted this (restart) SO in this scenario where she survived she's still struggling with guilt because she DARED try to take the easy way out when she knew her siblings needed her. so now she's edgelord I must protect my siblings i dont deserve my cape (edgily puts scarf away) also the eyepatch is for extra edgelord vibes but i think it'd be cool if she can't control favoring because she's so all over the place so it's always active, and since she feels so much regret she can only project that one memory of her jumping to ppl. sad. so she covers it for the sake of everyone.

because of ayano's survival it's evident kenjirou is posessed so ayano+mekatrio move out immediately and are in actual hiding from him. that's why they're at undisclosed location. seto brings mary with them. so ayano's like ok, saeru wants all the snakes together, they're all gonna gather anyway it's better to have them all in one place and have eyes on them. so she starts the gathering process herself. in this saeru is extremely just Out There cartoonishly taking over the city style i told you this is based on phineas and ferb. i told you. btw the joke is that it's insanely over the top. i just find it episodic and joyful.

also ayano's cold to shintaro because she can't afford to have her feelings for him distract her, she has no right to normal teenage girl feelings like a CRUSH. but shintaro still believes kano as ayano saying IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT was the real ayano which matches with her new behaviour towards him so he's extremely pathetic about it. he's with her through her entire recovery and becomes her right hand man which the trio HAAATE bc ayano doesn't let them do anything but shintaro can always come<3 their missions go from buying groceries to saving haruka and takane from the evil lab to kidnapping hibiya and hiyori. shit like that.

they get hibiya and hiyori and it's their BIGGEST PRIORITY to protect them because they're saeru's next target and if they can avoid having all snakes out it's by making sure these 2 stay alive. erm they don't wanna be there though. it's dark in here and you're all weird as hell. momo is tasked with babysitting them. she's not happy about it.

momo never gets her money controlled, dropped out from school since day 1 and the fame got to her head so she's kinda awful. she's the only one allowed out of wherever the fuck they are because of work she's literally the one paying 4 everything. toxic yuri situation with kido who has one side of their head shaved. you know how it goes. also kido acts rly tough like they're out there killing thugs and goons but mostly they just make food

takane is the medic in the same way barbers used to be surgeons in the middle age which means everyone tries really hard not to get hurt so they don't have to go to her. also saeru's whole Experiments on haruka and takane thing is a lot more evil and ermmm she has one less leg and she's permanently connected to a reactor thing of sorts so she's also the team's tech! woohoo!! it's unknown whether she got opening eyes or not because she has no idea how to activate it which makes ayano rly frustrated. same goes for haruka who has not woken up since aug 15. which is the main reason takane started watching youtube tutorials on medicine. get you a girl who will take care of you if you're in a coma and there is no access to a hospital.

seto and mary wield weapons for one reason or another. kano is extremely guilty about shintaro's guilt but also hates him more than ever bc ayano won't trust him anymore and now shintaro's the one knowing everything. probably some doomed yaoi in there somewhere. this is my evil kagepro au

#kagepro #kagerou project #my art

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grimmcheems · 10 days ago

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More of my Crimson King AU🗣🩸👑

🗣Long hair Armin reigns supreme. Enjoy these disaster gays.🗿 I made a post months ago with this same concept but diff drawing (the Armin Zofia one). They hate each other (Reiner’s personalities fall in love with Armin and Armin eventually tries to make the best of the situation bc he has no other options= they have hate make out sessions and take care of four children but Dw guys THEY ARENT A THING (at least not to armin but they are to everyone else around them and Reiner’s delulu ass)) the girls are fightinggg in the lower corner lmao

Trust I will provide more context later with the more arts I make to cover this. I’ve been all over the place these past couple of months and this last month with finals.

This took me forever but was worth it. I rly had fun drawing Reiner but he was also a pain bc I had to keep reworking his face because of how complex it is, his facial structure is so out of my usual range. Also I haven’t forgotten about my dozen other AUs💀😭 Ill get to those when I get to those, I've just been overwhelmed d with how well received they are and its like…..people actually like my ideas?!?!🤨😭🗿💖✨so thanks to those who have been sticking around for that

Also like why was this just hard to draw overall?!? Like Armins hair had maybe four hours in total of me working on, I had to keep reshaping the top and planning out where different shades would go. This was in my drafts for maybe like two months (prolly longer) before I went back to it to actually try and finish it. Imma be real yall, a lot of my stuff ends up being unfinished so I’m happy I had enough will power to finish this one bc I actually love how it turned out. My art from now on may look a bit wierd bc I’m gonna start trying something new with coloring/rendering, but what’s new? A lot of my stuff isn’t cohesive to begin with.

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butchhazard · 21 days ago

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semi-coherent ranting about a specific type of lesbophobia i see in conservative AND progressive spaces

this out of touch, sexless fantasy about lesbian relationships—where all we do is bake bread and braid each other's hair until mutual orgasm—would just be hilarious if it wasn’t also a widely believed homophobic stereotype that leads to the policing of lesbians' sexuality. It’s hard to say if this is just some misguided virginal fantasy or a way to cope with mainstream ideas about violent sex, but the notion that lesbian sex is somehow “pure”, tame, or just about intimacy without any kind of sexual desire is fucking bananas. This idea literally comes from straight people who believe that lesbians don’t have “real” sex, poor them! Yet even self-identified bi and lesbian women perpetuate this same thought…. Why?? The idea that there’s a “right” or “politically correct” way for two women to be sexual with each other erases the *actual sexual desire* we feel as lesbians. Honestly it rly makes me wonder if being a lesbian is just all about politics to you people? Bc most lesbians are NOT feminists or even very interested in politics, the majority of women I’ve slept with have no fucking idea what a radfem even is lmao. It’s also sexist af because it’s implying that women have no sexuality of their own and a relationship that doesn’t include a male is fundamentally sexless. Wanna hear something out of this world unbelievably insane? A lot of lesbians (myself included) have had one-night stands and casual hookups 😱😱😱 Which is completely normal but for some reason feels scandalous to say on this website. I’ve been to dyke parties where I’ve spent half the night getting tossed around and manhandled by fems. A lot of dykes are womanizers!!! Not all of us are “useless lesbian” nerds or whatever that homophobic ass phrase is supposed to mean. I use a strap-on!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱 and no, it hasn’t magically turned my girlfriend straight or bisexual! 💀 I just cannot fw half the radfems on this website knowing they have these homophobic ass ideas about lesbians and our sex lives, this is why I’m barely posting anymore, at some point it becomes too frustrating to keep engaging with. If you and your girl are into staring at each other longingly until you cum and then fall asleep that’s fine but don’t imply that I’m not a ~rEaL fEmInIsT~ because that kind of sex would be a huge turn-off to me. I already tried to force myself to be happy living like that and no thanks. If it’s not nasty passionate possessive and goes on all night I don’t want it!!!!

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itsjaywalkers · 9 months ago

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Hello!hope ur having a good day :) <33

I was wondering if u wanted to share some trans reg hc, could be overall or like the boxing au one, or anything rly.

Like who was the first person he came out to, how/when did he realise, how does he deal with dysphoria- what gives him dysphoria/euphoria, and maybe how would it translate into like relationship and sexlife, would he be able to go ahead without any/much dysphoria, or would he have to have sex a ‘specific way(?? Idk??)’ to make it work?

A lot of question I know, and u don’t have to answer if it makes u uncomfortable or anything, I just wanted to hear more about your headcanons about this.

//a trans guy who is obsessed with trans reg, and ur writing

hi darling!! i have today off so i am . in fact . having a great day <3 i hope yours is treating u kindly too!!

and ofc i want to!! i'm gonna do it boxer au based, since reg's trans experience isn't the same in every story!! and don't worry, i'm happy to answer ur questions!! it doesn't make me uncomfy in the slightest, trans reg is very special to me too for many reasons and i loveeee talking about him <3

the first person he came out to was sirius!! this is my Truth almost always no matter the fic. it changes sometimes, if he takes longer to realise and he and sirius have a complicated relationship but !! in the boxer au they get along great and they're very close, so reg told sirius first!!

sirius already had his suspicions tho, and they had a lot of long deep convos about gender. he helped reg figure himself out and supported him every step of the way

in the boxer au, he realised quite young!! he was never completely comfortable in his own body, but since he was a very awkward and . odd . kid everyone attributed it to reg just not being 'normal' in general. when puberty hit it got worse tho, and even tho everyone told him it'd pass and that puberty wasn't supposed to feel good or fun, reg knew there was something else

sirius also noticed there was something going on with his brother, so he tried to help him in every way he could. he lent him his clothes whenever reg asked (even tho it was always kind of begrudgingly), convinced their parents to allow him to wear his hair short, bought him oversized clothes and called him by his nickname and never his actual name

but i think the moment it actually hit reg was when he got mistaken by a boy one time he got out of school and went to his father's office to wait for him. the receptionist assumed he was sirius, and it finally clicked for him

he didn't tell sirius immediately tho. he researched a lot first, almost obsessively, and he doubted himself all of the time, having these moments in which . he was afraid he was actually somehow making it all up in his mind

reg was very scared of change, and this was a very big One. he knew sirius would support him no matter what, but there's always fear yk?? and there was also the matter of his parents. he was absolutely terrified

but he ended up blurting it out one night he and sirius stayed up late in secret. sirius talked to him about this one boy he was crushing into, and came out to him. and reg came out to him in return!! there were a lot of hugs and a lot of tears (they pretended this never happened the next morning)

sirius was a man on a mission after this. he helped him browse names and started using the correct pronouns, always getting so incredibly upset when he slipped at the beginning. reg found it very endearing, and assured him it was fine bc it was understandably gonna take them both some time

reg didn't have many close friends back then, so he didn't really come out to anyone in school, and he graduated with only sirius knowing the truth

those years were hard ngl, and reg struggled A Lot, but having sirius on his side made the whole thing . slightly more bearable . sometimes not even that was enough but reg appreciated it immensely

how he deals with dysphoria has changed over time!! he relied a lot on the internet when he was younger, and on his brother too, but there was only so much sirius could do apart from offering a willing ear and being comforting, considering he couldn't really understand what reg was going through. it absolutely broke sirius' heart, to see him have breakdown after breakdown, losing his appetite or refusing to leave his room for days

back then reg experienced dysphoria constantly. he wasn't comfortable in his own body and he had a hard time looking at himself in the mirror, or even listening to himself talk

some days he could kind of deal with it, remain functional despite it all. he did his best to keep himself distracted so he wouldn't think too much about the whole thing

but other days getting up from bed was Hard

now tho !! it doesn't happen That often, he's the man he was always meant to be !! he's on T and got top surgery and legally changed his name and gender so he's kind of thriving

he still has his moments tho bc this is something he's gonna have to deal with for the rest of his life so when it happens he goes to the twins!! they're both trans in this story so they Understand what he's going through and they support each other Always

they exchange advice and comfort each other when it gets especially Hard and . idk it's all very lovely, they're each other's ppl yk??

again, back then a lot of stuff gave him dysphoria, but nowadays it's more specific?? little things that usually don't upset him that badly but that sometimes pile up and end up giving him actually bad dysphoria??

like . he's a well-known sports journalist, he isn't really a celebrity or anything but ppl do talk about him sometimes, especially bc of sirius (and then bc of james) and they tend to mention his looks or how similar or different he looks to his brother

and sometimes they use more . feminine adjectives or straight up say he's kinda feminine or even comment on him being trans since it's public knowledge and reg has spoken on it more than once and . it's stuff that doesn't affect him that badly but it still annoys him

it's the same when ppl highlight how passing he looks, how u can't even tell he's trans, etc

there's also the ppl that are purposefully transphobic or misgender him which . does actually make him quite dysphoric, even tho he's mostly very comfortable with his identity + his looks now

he also has a bit of a complicated relationship with . stuff that it's considered 'feminine'

like clothes don't have any gender, same with makeup, and reg wouldn't mind wearing a skirt even tho it's not his style and he does wear some makeup semi-regularly for tv interviews etc etc but . sometimes he feels slightly uncomfy on it, like he gets bad memories or becomes paranoid about how he looks in it, if the clothes make his body seem too . curvy .

as i've said, he's very confident nowadays but he still has his moments!!

when it comes to gender euphoria, it's all about the little things!! people calling him handsome, seeing how hairy his body is now, the fact that he can take his shirt off now when he goes to the beach etc

when it comes to relationships and his sex life he has reached a point in which he can usually go ahead without getting dysphoria but . it depends on his partner really

some ppl can be transphobic without meaning to or simply bc of a lack of knowledge which is fine by him u know he totally gets it, it's a matter of being willing to learn and to listen to him

like . he's used to guys assuming he only bottoms or not even ask if he's comfortable using his front hole u know

or using afab terms to refer to his genitals without making sure first reg is okay with that

which brings me to my next point !! in oby, reg himself uses afab terms and he's fine with james using them too, they've had a convo about it and everything

but it's different for reg in the boxer au!! he does use afab terms for himself, he doesn't mind at this point and it doesn't give him any dysphoria however . when it comes to his sexual partners . he prefers them using words like a cock or hole or more neutral names . it gives him gender euphoria!! and the other stuff makes him kinda uncomfy. it's fine when he's the one saying it or thinking it but hearing it out loud coming from . other people, especially people who are just there bc they're attracted to him and want to fuck him is . Not Great

he also isn't always fine with using his front hole during sex, it depends on his mood and how much he trusts the person he's gonna be sleeping with. besides, he quite likes anal too so !!

this whole thing is another reason why . reg doesn't want to sleep with james bc he feels like he's gonna be a bit of an asshole about it or be another guy who doesn't even bother asking about his preferences or what he's comfy with

which isn't the case at all!! james has been with trans ppl before, and even if he hadn't, he's very considerate with his partners!! and as he should tbh. him being arrogant or knowing he's great in bed doesn't mean he's selfish

#and i'm gonna stop right there bc this is getting out of hand #this is way too long omg #but i hope this was what u were hoping for !!!#sending u lots of love darling <333 #asks #anons #boxer james agenda #regulus black

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possibilistfanfiction · 11 months ago

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What are your domestic headcanons for Bea and Ava in your surgeons AU? And how did Ava realise that they are not cis? And how/when did Beatrice realise she wanted top surgery?

these are great questions i will now come up with answers to bc they're mostly vague in my mind before the actual timeline starts! lmfao

a domestic thing -- ava is obviously, like, incredibly gifted at charming people anywhere, at any time, doing anything. i think bea is a little terrified at first when she starts bringing ava to stuff — trivia night, the climbing gym, even just over to mary + shannon's for dinner — that everyone will immediately love ava way more. or, even worse, that bea will suddenly be expected to be the same kind of charming, to love attention in the same way, to laugh as quickly. but it's not like that at all, obviously: everyone is Delighted by ava & also delighted by bea — quietly, in a way that's still comfortable & happy for her. at the climbing gym ava tried adaptive climbing, like, one time & was like 'no ty lol', but he still loves to come & watch. bea is... quite serious, but ava isn't, so in like ten minutes ava's made friends w all of the people bea enjoys climbing with. the next time bea comes to climb, no one expects anything differently from her, but they ask after ava, a few of the boys tease her for having such a cool, hot partner (fondly, & she loves it), they invite ava out with them for beers saturday. i think they open up each other's worlds in different ways but the crux of it is the same. love them! as @princington said 'they're so tangible' & like they rly are

another domestic thing -- bea can't cook. she's abysmal at it, even after cooking classes. she tries to cook for ava One Time & it truly is so inedible ava just kisses her & orders pizza. she can make eggs, barely, & that's about it. ava tells her they're the best eggs, though

last domestic thing -- they're a big slipper household. at first ava thought it was kinda cute that bea was partial to a nice pair of teva slippers (also, of course, had to tease her) but the second ava tries them he's like oh fuck yah, i get it. needless to say, as he justifies bc of his difficult circulation system but rly just for fun, he gets... a Lot of slippers lol. also bea steals all of ava’s beanies. it’s only fair

in the context of this au, i don't think ava's ever rly been sold on being cis lol. even as a little kid before the accident, ava was happy to just play & imagine & sing & dance. their mom never forced them to Be A Girl, & ava didn't mind, really, when they were in the orphanage, but it never felt like it truly fit. not in a dysphoric way, but just that it was limiting. ava's body was confusing, was hard to come to terms with in that it wasn't the same anymore, they couldn't feel all the things they used to love. so when they finally had the opportunity to like go Be Queer, be in community, her world Opened Up in the most beautiful way. ava LOVES the playfulness & expansion of gender & the body, the control she has over not having to fit in a box. the world is so, so big & so, so lovely, & u know ava also HATES colonized ideas of anything lol, so it just makes sense. in undergrad they had some good trans buddies but also like... drag? LOVE. so it's rly fun for ava, especially with good people

hmm i think bea probably wanted top surgery from day 1 of puberty on but didn't realize until late in college. after a lot of reassurance from her friends that she didn't have to be a Trans Man to want to try a binder, she did, & p much that first night she knew bc she just felt so much better, like her body made sense & she could just relax. idk if bea ever rly feels gender euphoria but she does feel a lot of peace & so that's cool. probably she tells cam first, maybe lilith & cam together, that she wants surgery. by that time they're already in med school & also... they both know lol & so they're rly happy for her & they make her lots of snacks & take care of her afterward. lilith keeps her out of the gym for months even tho bea complains that she's bored & will be so out of shape, cam makes a bunch of food frequently. they're a little family & it's a rly joyful, quiet, happy time; she feels very lucky

#surgeons au #butch bea 🥺🫡#who knows! not me! making it up on the fly lol my favorite way to write fiction

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