#i totally have a problem with people saying taylor is hot (me when i lie)

[thegreatimpersonator]

word of mouth isnt facts babes, especially when it's from a blog that literally got caught being wrong about me before

[liberty-barnes]

someone tagged me so let's go

first of all, thank you to the lovely @coffee-styles for tagging me in this, now enjoy

About me🦋

Birthdate ➪ November 20th (fun fact, I was born on november 20th 2002 which in european writing is 20/11/02 so you can read it backwards and still reach the correct date, i have the best birthday, i know) Pronouns ➪ she/her Ethnicity ➪ portuguese Gender identity ➪ cis female, as far as i know, but i wouldn't mind having a dick for practical purposes, it just sounds easier Sexual orientation ➪ bi and ready to die Personality ➪ bisexual disaster, sarcastic little shit, but also mom friend cause we just don't get enough love so i have to give it, but know that i mostly express affection through teasing and sarcastic comments... so basically a right mess Zodiac ➪ scorpio aka the best one Favourite colour ➪ louis blue, sage green, lavender, and pastel yellow Where I live ➪ switzerland (in the alcoholic, anti-bern, anti-france, anti-each other sometimes, kinda french-speaking part) now watch out for the nsfw part and hold on cause this is about to get wild

KINKS/WHAT CAN EASILY TURN ME ON✨

i have a thing for arms and people who can effortlessly hold me up | pretty people i can wreck | bratty sub and gentle dom, all depends on the days | deep voices | boys in skirt | girls in suits | pretty lingerie | got a bit of an exhibitionist streak in me too | more than one partner is definitely something i like

CELEBRITY CRUSHES🔥

okay this is about to get long cause i have platonic crushes aka people whose beauty i admire and want to be friends with but wouldn't see myself dating/sleeping with, and the ones for whom i would drop to my knees no problem

so platonic are:

Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Gwyneth Paltrow, RDJ, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Wood, Ariana Grande, Gemma Styles, Michael Clifford, Calum Hood, Luke Hemmings, Anthony Mackie, Kit Young, Sadie Sink, Dylan O'Brian, Thomas Brodie-Sangster

and the others are:

Scarlett Johansson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift, Brie Larson, Melissa Benoist, Orlando Bloom, Kat McNamara, Matt Daddario, Zendaya, Katherine Hahn, Ashton Irwin, Crystal Leigh, Owen Patrick-Joyner, Freddy Carter, Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield

there are probably many others i just can't remember them at the moment

Health Problems✌🏼

anxiety, adhd, ptsd if my therapist is to be believed, social anxiety (cause apparently social anxiety and normal anxiety are different but oh well), recovering from depression so that's fun, abandonnement issues, iron deficiency that just won't leave, i've twisted my wrists and ankles more time that i can count, had a knee injury when i was younger so now i'm a human rain detector

FAVORITE SONGS😜

Defenceless - Louis Tomlinson | If I Could Fly - One Direction | Fine Line - Harry Styles | Flicker - Niall Horan | Dúlamán - MALINDA | no body, no crime - Taylor Swift | Truly, Madly, Deeply - One Direction | Lover of Mine - 5SOS | Sunshine - Ashton Irwin | Mum - Luke Hemmings | Polaroid - Liam Payne | I Don't Mind - Zayn (yes i know it's unreleased but i still love it) | Coimbra - Amália Rodrigues

there's a lot of others but i tried to (mostly) limit myself to one per artist and 13 total cause lucky number

Aesthetics🌆

constantly changing but you got the grunge vibes, oversized sweaters cause i want sweater paws, soft comfy clothes, comfort over style except when i wanna make an effort

Describing my perfect day🌻

alone at home, watching a movie or reading a book/fanfic, no responsibilities, no worries, hot chocolate, eat whatever i want without feeling naseous, not too hot but also not too cold, no sensory overload, no anxiety over what i have to do, blissful quiet

Pet Peeves🙄

not saying "please" and "thank you" (it's basic human decency, come on), not taking off your shoes when entering someone's house (but maybe that's just cause i grew up in switzerland), people trying to lie to me (you can't, stop trying), people trying to manipulate me (again, you can't, stop trying)

and as for the dared, anyone who wants to do it is welcome to!

hope you liked that

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 10: 2x14 Wolf in the Fold

Watched Wolf in the Fold last night. The only thing I really remembered about this ep going in was that it was a Scotty ep. Which is true but also… slightly misleading. Also that it had to do with Jack the Ripper—which is more true than I remembered!

A decadent intro… I get why Spock isn’t here but I actually DO think he would be into it.

Matchmaker Kirk lol.

Scotty is so awkward. This is the other detail I remembered from this ep, actually: how Scotty wants to applaud using his hands no matter what. (Even with those cool lights RIGHT THERE lol). Old Aberdeen pub crawler…

This is honestly such a bizarre back story: Scotty got a concussion because someone who happened to be a woman made a mistake and now not only is his head all funny but he has a “total resentment toward women.” Like okay, nothing creepily sexist in that concept. Also –they ultimately barely even use it! I know it’s the implied rationale for why he would suddenly start murdering women and also not remembering it but it’s like such a flimsy excuse that they never say it out loud in so many words for fear it should sound too stupid. Which it would. Honestly, you really only need the concussion imo. Why go into the weird misogyny thing at all?

And now Kirk and Bons head off to a brothel, giving me a total resentment toward men.

Nice eerie fog out here. Very Aberdeenian.

Okay, so this woman was stabbed a dozen times but she only screamed once? And then a second later, Scotty had somehow teleported several feet away, still holding the knife? He’s good at his job but he’s not that good. This is already deeply suspicious.

“Therapeutic shore leave.” Trying to cure his hatred of ladies lmao.

So this weird little bald man, Hengist, from Rigel IV. Is he an alien? I suppose he must be. Rigellians are a race, as we know from Journey to Babel. It’s not always clear to me which groups of people are Earth colonists who have migrated to or been born on other planets and which are humanoid aliens.

The Aurelians are a gentle, harmless people. Cute. I like these aliens.

I wish we could hire aliens to be our administrators. Alien Overlord and Taylor.

“I’ll be taking over, since I am the highest official.” He out-officialed him.

I like this guy and his slightly creepy empath priestess wife. I feel like Spock would like them, too.

Speaking of: Spock in the captain’s chair. Hot.

I don’t get how this planet is the only space port around. Like… could not any planet be a space port? What does that even mean?

Oh no, a woman with the lie detector machine! She must be incompetent and/or to be despised.

I love Sybo’s outfit. Her hair and jewelry too. Honestly just a great head-to-toe look.

Another murder! Sorry but this one is on the Aurelian for just leaving the murder weapon out there unattended.

Generally speaking, the costume and set people are doing allllll the work in this episode.

Hengist went to look for suspects and he came up with the victim’s father and fiancé?? He’s not even trying lol. Anyway, he obviously did it.

How can you NOT tell if a lock was picked or not? I mean I know McCoy is a doctor, not a locksmith, but come on. It can’t be that ambiguous.

Spooky mumbo-jumbo.

Interesting that Spock doesn’t trust the mumbo-jumbo either. I guess he only approves of it when it’s Vulcan.

When Sybo says “monstrous evil” the camera is looking right at Hengist. Not suspicious at all. He’s only clearly railroading Scotty, looked right at the second victim before she was killed, was in the perfect position to take the murder weapon after it was carelessly left about, and is the most obvious non-Scotty suspect here.

I love how loyal Bones is. He literally saw Scotty holding Sybo and the knife with blood on his hands and is like “It’s impossible he could have done it.”

So many of the “truth discovery” devices on TOS are truly creepy. Like they’re all clear plot devices, and for that reason depicted as completely reliable, and the more completely reliable they are, the more deeply disturbing they become upon any reflection at all.

That’s a pretty computer though. All those pretty flashing lights! And it runs on floppy disks.

I literally just remembered what happened.

“Scotty, lie to me, how old are you?” / “Twenty-two, Sir.” Yeah, I’d say that’s a lie.

So like this allegedly all-powerful computer is literally just a lie detector. That’s it! A lie detector that picks up on psychological signs of lying, just like our lie detectors today. I mean… you could have just said that straight out. All they do is show what a person believes to be true, so in the case where someone truly doesn’t remember something, the usefulness is… limited.

My mom suggested a Vulcan mind meld which, actually, would pretty much solve the problem! But for once Spock actually treats it like something serious and not to be thrown out as a solution to all problems at the merest suggestion.

Someone needs to do a fashion line based entirely on the Argellian outfits.

Spock is internally eye-rolling at all this drama. I feel like he’s a real advocate for the computers today. That’s like… really his only role.

The computer’s linguistics banks don’t know what this word means? Maybe we should get Uhura on the case.

Plot twist: the killer was Jack the Ripper the WHOLE TIME! The last one you’d ever expect.

I don’t get how the computer made the leap from Redjac to Jack the Ripper since that is not a real word and no one outside of this episode of TOS has ever used it for Jack the Ripper.

“Everyone feeds on death, even vegetarians.” So dark, Spock. So emo.

Aw, alien creatures that derive sustenance from love. Adorable. There should have been an episode devoted to them. (Wait a minute…. Idea coming on…)

Speaking of gaseous cloud aliens…the Companion?

This episode really relies a lot on the computer to provide information and otherwise move the plot along.

Kirk keeps ignoring everyone to just talk to Spock.

“Cloud the issue” lol that’s a good pun. (Already can’t remember who said it but… point stands.)

The cloud entity feeds on women because they are more easily and deeply terrified. That sounds fake but okay. It’s also not in keeping with what Sybo said, is it? She mentioned a hatred of women. That’s not the same as finding women useful.

Hmm, when do we get our Martian Colonies, @ perseverance?

Oh, Rigel IV, you say? There seems to be a Rigellian right here!

This whole history of the entity is bizarre. The first killing sprees (that we know of) are on Earth, and Kirk specifically says that when man left Earth to explore, he took this with him. Does that mean… the cloud creature/entity originated on Earth? Truly a bizarre hypothesis, when you think about it.

Are you the entity, Sir?

There is actually very little Scotty in this Scotty-centric episode.

Lol the knife originates with the hill people of Rigel IV. What is this, Deliverance?

Omg Kirk punched the entity right out of that man!

So to summarize: “Jack the Ripper is actually a gaseous cloud that is capable of infecting the computer system of the Enterprise, thus hijacking the whole ship” is the basic, wacky concept of this episode.

This tranquilizer could quiet a volcano. Where was it during the volcano scene in STID hmm?

Kirk’s plan to keep people from being scared by the maniacal voice of the entity: Tranquilize the entire ship. That’s why he’s paid the big bucks.

Yet another twist on the old Kirk v. Computer plot. Time to use Math to defeat it.

Kirk is so unimpressed with the entity. “Eh, shut that off.” He would not be moved by a haunted house.

“This is the first time I’ve heard a malfunction threaten us.” Sulu can man his post AND be funny; he’s multi-talented.

Kirk and Spock don’t need tranquilizers because they’re smart enough to know this high-pitched voice yelling random threats just isn’t actually scary.

Kirk is really insistent that Sulu man his frickin’ post!

Oh no, not PI!! My nemesis, PI!

I’m really living for Sulu here.

If the entity entered a tranquilized person, it might take up knitting. I gotta say, that doesn’t make any sense as a plot point but I like it anyway.

That was a very efficient tranquilizing job! Everyone in a 400+ person ship in like 10 minutes? Get the medical team on the Enterprise in charge of the vaccine distribution stat.

Kirk just outright assumes that Spock won’t be a hospitable entity choice. And he’s not even wrong! The entity chooses the dead body over Spock or Kirk. It knows when it’s not wanted.

Hengist has been revived!

The entity is honestly, truly hilarious. Die, die, everybody die! Kill! Kill you all! Maniacal laughter! All while being carried by a still utterly unimpressed Kirk down the halls of the ship.

Spock’s like “get out of the way, you tranquilized idiot. Got some entity-scattering to do.”

“I gave them a pretty big shot, Jim!” Think you might have slightly overdone it, Bones? You didn’t need to make everyone useless for 6 hours for a problem that was solved in 5 minutes!

This is one of those moments, Kirk trying to get Spock to see the pretty ladies with him, when Spock seems super gay. Like, I don’t even think he is, that’s not my reading of him, and I also assume that wasn’t the intention here, but that’s just so clearly how it reads.

Aw, Kirk doesn’t want to go the strip club alone. Poor bb.

Weird how Lt. Leslie was in this when he died in the last episode.

Overall, I’d actually have to say that was a very crack-y episode. I liked the ending the best because it was so ridiculous.

What I don’t understand, in addition to whether or not the entity was really supposed to be from Earth, was how it came to be Hengist. Like, it can enter and leave bodies (or computers) at will, so perhaps it just entered Hengist, a normal Rigellian, at some point. But if that’s so, putting him on the transporter and scattering him into space was a pretty cruel thing to do. Also, why did he die (or appear to die) when the entity wasn’t in him? That implies he is the entity’s physical form. But then, first of all, how is also a Rigellian? Like did the entity mate with a Rigellian? Did the entity take over a baby Rigellian? Did the entity just claim to be Rigellian but is really just humanoid in its physical form—we did establish that some aliens, like this one, or creatures or whatever, are gaseous sometimes and solid others, so maybe its solid form is humanoid. Which would fit well with it originating in Earth, although that also brings a new and perhaps unintentional layer of creepiness to the story. I have to assume that’s the situation, but still, wild. And it doesn’t explain this: why does Hengist “die” when the entity “leaves” him, as opposed to just disappear entirely when the entity changes form??

Anyway, I know I’m overthinking this very wacky premise. Overall, I think the episode was fine. It didn’t have enough Scotty (for being a “Scotty episode”) and it changed genres an awful lot for 50 minutes. There was a tad too much misogyny going on. And overall I didn’t feel like the characters—even Kirk, and in actuality this was a Kirk episode much more than a Scotty episode, and purposefully so—were at their most interesting. Tbh Sulu ultimately stole the show in the final minutes.

Next up is the Trouble with Tribbles! Also a funny episode but at least undeniably purposefully so!

[incomprehensiblelentils]

Lentils’ 2020 Christmas Movie Rankings

My wife and I watched a lot of Christmas movies this year, and I thought it would be fun to rank them based on which ones I think were most watchable and enjoyable. I’ve left out a few that we watched during this time period, which are classic Christmas movies (Miracle on 34th Street), action movies set at Christmas (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Iron Man 3), or older romances set around Christmas (While You Were Sleeping and You’ve Got Mail), because it’s not fair to rank these amongst, well, some of the movies we saw.

my top 5, for those of you who don’t like reading (which is fair): The Princess Switch: Switched Again, Dashing in December, The Princess Switch, Jingle Jangle, Happiest Season.

my top 3 Chaotic Christmas Movies: A New York Christmas Wedding, 12 Pups of Christmas, The Princess Switch: Switched Again. Please watch these movies if you enjoy chaotic plots. Please especially watch the first two I listed because holy shit my summaries do not properly convey the chaos.

The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020): Some people on the internet have been VERY RUDE about this movie and I’m sorry they don’t appreciate a true chaotic holiday gem when they see it. This movie involves two Vanessa Hudgenses, Scheduled Vanessa and Spontaneous Vanessa, who are distant cousins and not twins, switching places to try to facilitate Spontaneous Vanessa getting back together with her ex the baker, but Scheduled Vanessa is intercepted by a third cousin Vanessa, Horny Vanessa, who wants to take Spontaneous Vanessa’s place as queen. I don’t want to spoil anything that happens in this movie so that you can experience the batshittery for yourself, but I found every second absolutely delightful. It also has two very good romantic couples who are cute and who genuinely seem to like each other, which is not something I can say for every movie on this list!

Dashing in December (2020): This movie has gay cowboys, is set on a ranch, and features a squaredancing scene, so if that isn’t your bag, you are probably not going to like it very much. I found it deeply charming and the only reason it isn’t #1 is that three quarters of the way through, the lead suddenly turns back into a giant jerk for no real reason and that was very upsetting. But it all works out in the end. The main romance is very cute, there are horses, the horsemanship doesn’t totally suck ass, and there are some fun side characters. It’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s pleasant.

The Princess Switch (2018): Again, some people are mean about this movie and they shouldn’t be because it is CUTE GODDAMMIT. It is absolutely The Prince and the Pauper but with two Vanessa Hudgenses, but also, it shows the aforementioned two good romantic couples falling in love and they are delightful. I am not saying this is a great masterpiece of romance, but the filmmakers actually tried to give these characters reasons to like each other, which, again, is not true for some of the movies on this list.\

Jingle Jangle (2020): I kind of feel bad putting this movie on the same list as TV movies that were obviously just shit out by Hallmark or whoever, because this clearly had a lot of love and heart put into it, and it really shows. I was so immediately charmed by this movie that I didn’t even mind when it immediately went in very silly directions. I don’t know if the plot makes sense at all (a cute robot shows up for seemingly no reason other than that cute robots are fun!) but it doesn’t have to, because everyone is having so much fun and there’s so much joy in this movie that I was just happy to be along for the ride. Also, I would love to see an entire movie in the stop-motion style from the opening scene.

Happiest Season (2020): I absolutely understand why some people didn’t like this movie, and I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t dislike it, and also, it’s MY movie, and I love it, and I’m not interested in fighting about it. It helped me come out to my parents and also featured two of my faves kissing and that’s all I need. 

Noelle (2019): I was previously under the impression this movie was bad, and I don’t know why, because it’s a little embarrassing and cheesy at times, but it’s sweet. I suspect what will make or break it for you is if you like Anna Kendrick, and because I like Anna Kendrick, I like watching her play a neurotic Claus sibling trying desperately to fix the problem she accidentally caused. One weird thing though: this movie tried to convince me about halfway through that she was both spoiled and selfish, and I don’t actually think that’s true at all. I think she was a little naive and sheltered and wanted people to like her way too much, but she’s not really shown to be a selfish person - she’s constantly paying attention to other people in the real world and her brother is the one who refused to admit that he wasn’t cut out for the Santa gig and instead fucked off to “find himself” or whatever. It was weird! But anyway, I liked this movie a lot.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas (1998): So this movie...one Christmas Eve when I was in high school, I was having trouble falling asleep for whatever reason so I went downstairs to get some water. My mom happened to have the TV on and this movie was just starting, and she invited me to join her. Fun fact: this movie went to theaters and it stars Jonathan Taylor-Thomas and Jessica Biel. It is one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen in my life and at no point does anyone in it actually behave like a human being. It’s about a smooth-talking jackass who has to be bribed to come home for Christmas and then, after one of his dumbass moneymaking schemes lands him in hot water, he gets abandoned in the middle of the California desert wearing a Santa suit and glued-on beard. He then has to beg, lie, and cheat his way home for Christmas dinner so that his dad will give him a vintage Porsche they fixed up together. I have no defense for this character; he is insufferable and only becomes marginally less so by the end of the film. But also, I have to watch this movie every year (usually with my mom, although not this year for obvious reasons) or it doesn’t feel like Christmas. 

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019): We own this on DVD and have seen it three times. In our defense, we wanted to support Gregg Sulkin from Runaways and Isabella Gomez from One Day at a Time, both of whom feature prominently in this movie, and also sing songs. This is just Cinderella But At Christmas, and if that doesn’t sound like fun to you, I don’t think anything I can say will change your mind. I will say that the songs are amusingly autotuned, there’s a disabled dog that’s very cute, and I personally think that the leads have slightly better chemistry than some of the pairs on this list. But it is literally just another Cinderella Story movie.

The Knight Before Christmas (2019): This movie is Thor (2011) But At Christmas, and it would have been slightly higher except I always forget about the plot where at the end the knight becomes a cop. Bad, obviously! But anyway, the plot of this movie is: nice but clueless dude crash-lands on Earth for Reasons and bumbles around trying to figure out what’s up, while falling in love with a nice lady. That’s just Thor and you know I’m right. And for as dumb as this movie is, at least it’s ambitious. I have learned that Christmas movies can do one of two things to please me: a) have actors that have decent chemistry and charm and are fully committed to whatever nonsense is going on, or b) have absolutely batshit chaotic plots. This movie is like a 4 out of 5 on the chaos scale and I like it a lot, besides the copaganda. I hope this also gets made into a trilogy and Cole isn’t a cop anymore.

A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby (2019): I will get into my problems with the first two Christmas Prince movies later, but my main criticism is that they are kind of boring and not chaotic enough. This one decided to make up for that by incorporating a missing ancient treaty, a curse, and a ghost, as well as a subplot about Girl Power (I use this semi-ironically) and a subplot about cousin Simon potentially committing treason again. I was so excited that things were happening in this movie the first time I watched it that I may be a little biased, but oh well. Oh, I was also absolutely terrified it was going to be racist and it is...mostly not? There are a few questionable moments but like mostly it’s fine.

Christmas With the Prince (2018): I wanted to watch this because the summary on Netflix did not match the summary on Google at all, and that’s because, uh, they’re both sort of right? Ostensibly this movie is about a pediatric oncologist who comes back into contact with an old almost-flame, who just happens to be the prince of a tiny European country, because he fucked up his leg and needs somewhere private to stay. And apparently a pediatric oncology ward is the best place for that? But then after they fall in love this random Russian lady shows up and is like “that’s my fiance.” This happens maybe twenty minutes from the end. Anyway, this movie isn’t great but I liked the lead guy way more than I thought I would and it has some cute kids in it.

A New York Christmas Wedding (2020): I...am at a loss for words to describe this...motion picture. On the surface it is a cute idea: a young Black woman, Jennifer, is getting married to her boyfriend on Christmas Eve, but she’s given a chance by her guardian angel (stay with me) to go back in time and redo her life, after losing touch with her childhood best friend, Gabrielle, who she was always in love with but never confessed her feelings to. She wakes up in an alternate timeline, where she and Gabrielle have been together for years and her beloved father is still alive. Then the movie, uh...veers off into some very odd places! They go to their Catholic priest and ask him to marry them, and he is like “but the Bible” and they are like “but that’s bullshit” and he’s like “shrug” and then later during a sermon he’s like “actually that IS bullshit, everyone gay in this church come stand up here with me. We love you. Also we’re going to perform a wedding now” and then he marries Jennifer and Gabrielle. And then Jennifer’s angel shows up and is like “you have to choose between this life and your old life now” and then uh...I really hate to spoil this next thing. It is the weirdest choice I’ve ever seen a movie make and if you’re even the slightest bit interested in this movie, I think you should experience this plot point for yourself. I’m going to put the batshit spoiler in ROT13 in case you want to avoid spoiling yourself. (GJ: fhvpvqr) Wraavsre'f thneqvna natry erirnyf gung ur vf gur fba bs Tnoevryyr, jub va gur bevtvany gvzryvar tbg certanag nf n grra naq ure snzvyl frag ure gb n ahaarel. Fur zvfpneevrq naq fhofrdhragyl qvrq ol fhvpvqr. Uvf anzr vf Nmenry Tnovfba. Anyway, uh, this movie isn’t very good, unfortunately, the adult leads have no chemistry and Gabrielle’s adult self is actively unlikable (the teen versions of them are cute!), but I think it’s 1000% worth a watch for the sheer chaos of it all. I...recommend it for that, I guess? Oh, also there’s a sex scene that plays a slow sexy version of “O Christmas Tree” in the background and I felt like I was losing my mind. 

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018): As I said in my commentary on the third movie in this series, the worst sin this movie commits is being kind of boring. It also manages to make the romantic hero, Richard, even worse than in the first movie, where he was just kind of useless and petulant, because in this movie he is actively failing to do anything to revive the failing economy of his country. I have seen people complain that the prince in The Princess Switch and Cole in The Knight Before Christmas have no personalities; they are delightful compared to the wet paper bag of a man in this movie. Rose McIver is adorable and I don’t think any of this is her fault, she’s doing her best in these movies, but woof.

12 Pups of Christmas (2019): The Google summary of this movie, which we found on Hulu, is this: “Struggling to keep his dog GPS locator company afloat, Martin expects his new hire, Erin, to help him save the company and find homes for 12 puppies that were left behind after a photo shoot. As they work together, Erin and Martin begin to discover each other's positive qualities and find love just in time for the holidays.” My wife and I love dogs, so we put this on, expecting cute dogs. This movie contains approximately 80% chaos and 20% cute dogs. It opens with our heroine, a canine therapist, coming home from work to have dinner with her fiance and best friend. We find out that Erin and fiance are moving to California soon for her new job (they live in New York). Fast forward a few days to their courthouse wedding, at which point her fiance and best friend confess to having an affair, and she is dumped. Heartbroken, she moves to California alone, and ends up moving into the company-provided house. It is just a two-story house (??) that the CEO’s sister owns (???) and rents out to employees (????). Also Erin is, as the Google summary says, expected to come up with some grand idea to save the company. And there are 12 random puppies also. They are cute puppies. Oh, also Martin, the CEO of the dog collar company, hates dogs for some reason. Martin’s sister is aggressively friendly towards Erin in a way that I interpreted as sapphic. At one point, after they find a home for dog #3, Erin’s former BFF shows up on her doorstep (?????) begging to be let in. She insists that the fiance was also two-timing her, and she has proof that he had FIVE OTHER GIRLFRIENDS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY - “that’s why he’s a traveling businessman”!!!! Erin never asks to see her proof, but I guess she believes her, because she lets her inside and then makes her take care of the remaining eight dogs out of spite. I guess they make up at some point. Anyway, somewhere in here Erin and Martin are starting to fall in love and also come up with a way to rebrand the business, so hooray for them. We also learn that the reason Martin hates dogs is that his beloved childhood dog, uh, ran away? Disappeared? Got eaten? He insists that “not knowing [what happened to him] was the worst part,” but I was out here expecting to see the child finding an actual dead dog like it’s John Wick or something so this was a little anticlimactic. They go on a business trip to New York talk with Important Japanese Investors, during which they fuck (it is? romantic? allegedly?), and then the morning of their meeting Erin’s shitty ex shows up in the hotel lobby to bother her. Martin decks him square in the face for not leaving her alone, and then someone calls the cops, because I guess this movie said ACAB, and both dudes get arrested and Erin has to do the presentation alone. And then in the last five minutes Martin gets out of jail and Erin says that she gave the presentation to the investors...in English, and their translator was twenty minutes late, and so the investors understood none of what she said. Thankfully we are spared actually seeing this “joke,” but they do play racist music over her explanation. Then Martin reconnects with his rich dad who bails out the company instead, and also he adopts the four remaining dogs. This movie was fucking bananas and very bad and I need more people to understand exactly how bad. Watch this movie.

A Nutcracker Christmas (2016): Amy Acker has two Christmas movies and this one seemed more palatable than Dear Santa, so here we are. I like to watch Amy Acker be cute and dance, and she has an adorable teenage niece in this movie that she’s helped raise. In this movie she’s a former ballet dancer whose sister (hilariously, one of the Wynonna Earp lesbians) died in a tragic car accident, and she never got to dance the part of the Sugarplum Fairy. Spoiler alert: she gets to by the end of the movie. Unfortunately the love interest is basically Satan incarnate and does not deserve her at all, so unless you like yelling at romantic leads I can’t really recommend it. 

Godmothered (2020): This movie is just, uh, Enchanted but worse, and also it should have been sapphic and it isn’t? Poor Jillian Bell is doing her best and is adorable, but it’s not enough to save this movie for me. If Disney were not cowards she would have fallen in love with single mom Isla Fisher. Oh, it also ends with the very white younger daughter doing a public cover of “Rise Up” by Andra Day that the audience joins in on, which, considering its use in the BLM movement the last couple years, felt, uh, not great to me.

A Christmas Prince (2017): It’s maybe not far to compare this to the rest of the Netflix Christmas Cinematic Universe, because it was the originator. But also, it’s pretty boring. Sorry. Simon, or Fiddles (Fake Hiddles/Tom Hiddleston) is the best character.

Married by Christmas (2016): Apparently an alternate title for this is The Engagement Clause, which is sort of funny. Anyway, this has Jes Macallan and we, being big fans of Legends of Tomorrow, lost our shit when we found this on Christmas Day and had to watch it. The plot is that Jes’ character runs the family business, but their shitty grandma died and left a clause in her will where the business goes to the husband of whichever granddaughter gets married first. You would think that Jes’ sister and her fiance would postpone their Christmas Eve wedding to give Jes time to set up some kind of platonic wedding for business purposes, since Jes’ entire life is this stupid business, but nope, they immediately turn into monsters who are determined to get their hands on the business for ???? reasons???? It’s not very good, as you can tell by how low it is on the list. Jes Macallan is not a convincing straight businesswoman. I wouldn’t even really enjoy this movie as an Avalance AU.

A Princess for Christmas (2011): Here we are, the worst one Christmas movie I watched this year. I don’t actively harbor any ill will towards Katie McGrath, although I confess to feeling a bit “her?” but it’s fine. I was hoping this movie would enlighten me to her appeal. Instead, this movie actively got on my nerves in multiple ways, including trying to pass Katie McGrath off as a normal American retail worker instead of an Irish vampire/sorceress/supervillain/fairy/whatever she is. Her accent is shockingly awful, which I’m not sure is actually her fault, is there a reason her family wasn’t just British? That wouldn’t have saved the movie but it would have made it just slightly more palatable. At every turn it makes the worst choices, including a scene where Katie’s character puts on a rap song and she and the prince dance to it in an attempt to show them “loosening up,” and then the mean grandfather comes in and demands that they “turn this ghetto music off.” YIKES. I know these movies are the whitest movies ever by design but was that racism necessary? The only Black people I actually saw in this movie were some of the servants, I think? Speaking of the servants, at the end of the movie there’s a grand ball and Katie’s dress gets fucked up, and she’s about to leave the country, and then the servants are like “don’t go! We pooled our money to buy you another nice dress!” which, also yikes! This movie has a real classism problem. It also was so boring I zoned out of it multiple times, and I have sat through Manos: The Hands of Fate and Birdemic multiple times. This movie has no chaos whatsoever and I hated all the characters. 0/10 do not recommend under any circumstances.

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveyss 025.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? ummm, at one point I thought we would be together hahaha. I donno.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? No

3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nooooooo

4. Is trust a big issue for you? It is. I have been working on being more trusting and then stuff happened that blew my trust entirely. I’m trying to remember that other people don’t need to suffer for things they did not do. I don’t want to be distrusting of everyone. I just need to figure out what I’m doing wrong.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? no.

6. What are you excited for? this weekend will be nice

7. What happened tonight? It’s not night time yet.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? why would it be only disgusting for girls? 

9. Is confidence cute? confidence is great.

10. What is the last beverage you had? diet coke

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? at the moment, none. thats a shame, I know.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Yes.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? party!!!!

14. What are you going to spend money on next? stuff for tomorrow’s trip

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? heck no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? absolutely.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? I don’t. I used to tell Kile all the things, but we don’t talk anymore. I know that eventually both of us will find new people to talk to, but I think it’s just a little raw for that ... at least for me right now. Perhaps he is sharing his life with other people already, I wouldn’t know.

18. The last time you felt broken? currently. But I’m trying to mend.

19. Have you had sex today? No.

20. Are you starting to realize anything? yeah

21. Are you in a good mood? I’m ok. I mean, I’m not entirely, but I’m ok.

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? why does this keep coming up?

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? same color family yes, but not the same shade

24. What do you want right this second? a really strong thunderstorm. Not gonna happen, but a girl can dream.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I think it’s possible he could be. I just try not to think about it. I wouldn’t say anything.. he’s allowed to do what he wants to do. He doesn’t belong to me :\

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yeah

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? I have but that is nottttttt what I like. I prefer to laugh.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? mario... orrrrr perhaps the gentleman at the arboretum who was telling me that there was a mosquito problem. NO JOKE DUDE.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? kile andrew. i hate being without him.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? I think it’s important that we offer grace. 

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? I’m indifferent. I really don’t know him all that well.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? He does, but I don’t think he feels that he can do anything about it. Which is so far from the truth, but I understand we see things differently.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I only drink diet sodas and I’m starting to do more water in preparation for hard 75

34. Listening to? piano

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? I did earlier for some puzzles I just bought, but man it annoys me.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? I don’t.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe we can get gut instincts that someone is just... going to be someone we fall for.

38. Who did you last call? savers

39. Who was the last person you danced with? myself in the car today

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? He was my boyfriend at the time. He was a great kisser. 

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Its been a real long time. Hard to find GF cupcakes.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Of course. tis what I do lol

44. Do you tan in the nude? No. I would consider it if I had land that wasn’t viewable by neighbors

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Not anything I concern myself with.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Just about. I think we got off zoom at like 12ish and I fell asleep shortly after. 

47. Who was the last person to call you? My brother

48. Do you sing in the shower? oh heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck yes.

49. Do you dance in the car? oh heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck yes.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? I have! not too shabby at it.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? when I was a child... like 2 years old. maybe younger.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? I do.

53. Is Christmas stressful? no, it is everything beautiful and good. people tend to find the stressful bits of any situation and amplify it to self sabotage a good thing. 

54. Ever eat a pierogi? yup

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? pumpkin

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? missionary, work in an orphanage, vet, mechanic.

57. Do you think someone is thinking about you? part of me selfishly hopes so. The other part of me doesn’t want him to fixate on things if it stresses him out.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? YES!

59. Take a vitamin daily? I got out of the habit but I need to get back into it.

60. Wear slippers? oh frick yeah

61. Wear a bath robe? No. I always think maybe I’ll learn to do so, but I don’t like the feeling of being in lazy pajamas all day long. When I was a kid, my mom and sister would wear their bathrobes all morning long and then that meant that when we would need to go somewhere, they would still need 1-2 hours. It drove me nuts.

62. What do you wear to bed? sometimes shorts and a tee, sometimes a tee, sometimes a tank, sometimes nothin. it just depends.

63. First concert? country thunder

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target

65. Nike or Adidas? no preference 

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I’d lie

69. Ever take dance lessons? Yeah.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I always envisioned a helper position (firefighter, police, medical, etc)

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? yea

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes.

74. What is your favorite book? pride & prejudice

75. Do you study better with or without music? With.

76. Regularly burn incense? nooooo.

77. Ever been in love? I sure have

78. Who would you like to see in concert? probably anyone at this point lol

79. What was the last concert you saw? uhhhh a bunch of performers at lollapalooza

80. Hot tea or cold tea? peach iced tea thx

81. Tea or coffee? tea

82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip.

83. Can you swim well? I can hold my own, but I’m no phelps

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.

85. Are you patient? typically very

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? I think the idea of a band is dreamy, but I couldn’t afford that.

87. Ever won a contest? yes! scripture memorizing, dance dance revolution, a guessing game,

88. Ever have plastic surgery? have I? no.

89. Which are better black or green olives? no olives. BLEgH

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? I totally respect that some people really love that. It’s not for me. 

91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room AND bedroom

92. Do you want to get married? Of course.

[hypnoticskies-blog]

Cliché

This was getting old.

Once again, Chase and Jesse were making complete fools of themselves, jumping up and down like frat boys at a college party. But I guess girl’s dig that shit, right? I could honestly feel my IQ dropping as I wondered, for the thousandth time, why I was here.

Everytime we went to a party, the same thing happened.

Chase and Jesse danced, flirted, and attracted every girl in sight, and eventually were rescued by their smart best friend- me- before any of the girl’s boyfriends decided to beat them up for flirting with their girlfriends.

In the meantime, I sat on the couch all night talking to Taylor, the high red head, about “the problems with kids these days.”

I mean seriously, where was the fun in all of this? Dancing to the same techno pop music week after week, and hitting on all the over used makeup cheerleaders? Ugh.

Chase plopped down on on couch next to me. “Come dance with us, B!” He said, breathless from all the jumping. “It’s so much fun!”

I scoff. “Sure it is.”

“Guys!” Jesse sat down on my other side, his honey- blonde short curls bouncing against his shoulders. “Did you see that? Did you fucking see that? Hanna Carley totally just hit on me!”

Chase rolls his eyes. “ She’s cheating on Cooper H. with half the junior class, Jess.”

“And? She’s so hot.”

Chase ignores him, running his fingers behind his ear, as if tucking back a strand of hair. It was habit left over after he’d chopped his hair into an edgy blonde haircut.

“B, you should dance with us. We dragged you here so that we could hang together- not that Taylor isn’t cool.” He said winking at her, probably hoping to score some free weed. “But we’re your friends. You should come dance. Shouldn’t he, Jess?”

“Definitely.” Jess agreed, eyeing Hannah Carley, who sat in a booth on the other side of the room, flirting with a junior. He paused turning back to us. “Wait? What are we talking about?”

“You look so bored over here, B. I want you to have some fun, too.”

“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m having so much fun. Go live it up or whatever. I’ll be okay over here.”

Chase narrows his blue eyes at me. “You sure?” He asks.

“I’m positive, C.”

He frowns, but after a second he shrugs and grabs Jesse by the wrist, pulling him out onto the dance floor.

“Holy fuck!” Jess screeches. “Slow down, C! You’ll rip my arm off!” Then they made their way into the crowd of swarming bodies, jumping up and down to the techno music.

“Why are you such a downer?” Taylor asked, blowing out puffs of smoke.

“I’m not a downer.”

“Not a good liar either.” She replied, before getting up to join the other stoners in the kitchen.

I roll my eyes, and sip on my Cherry Coke, while watching the clock on the wall. The second hand seemed to be broken, and I prayed that it was.

I wouldn’t ask Chase and Jesse to leave until twelve. Any earlier and I’d be the “cock blocker” according to Jess.

It wasn’t even nine yet, and I could already feel myself getting a techno-music migraine, only made worse by the pulsing colorful lights. Come on, Time!

“Hey there.”

I mentally roll my eyes and turn to stare blankly at the unwelcome intruder.

This happens once in every party. Some girl, always drunk or heartbroken, would take a seat beside me and talk about their lives.

Clearly they didn’t care if I was into their story, because the expression on my face made it clear that I didn’t really care.

Surprisingly, the girl who’d taken the seat next to me didn’t smell like too much perfume or vomit. In fact, she smelled really good. But my disgust only increased when I realized who the smell belonged to. I would have preferred the red headed stoner.

Ronnie. Fucking. Rush.

“What do you want?” I say, not even bothering with politeness.

“Aren’t you friendly.” She says sarcastically. “I’m here to talk to you.”

“Well, sucks for you. I’m not talking to anyone tonight.”

I slurped my drink loudly, hoping she’d take the hint, and leave. No such luck. I could feel her dark grey eyes staring at me. She couldn’t even pretend to take a hint? Ugh!

“Come on,” She teases. “There’s no need to give me the cold shoulder.”

“Leave me alone,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “Go try your flirtatious acts on some narcissistic uneducated jock, because I’m not falling for it.”

“Oh, I’m not interested in jocks,” She says.“ They aren’t my type.”

I snort loudly. “Yeah. Any boy who’d give you the time of day, Veronica, is most definitely a dumb jock. No one with taste or class would actually find you attractive.”

Okay. That was a itty bitty lie.

Ronnie Rush was the most disgusting badgirl to ever darken the doorsteps of Troy High, but she was kind of hot. Maybe if you could put her on mute, and cut out her dark grey eyes- maybe, just maybe she’d be tolerable.

Other-wise, she’s a real asshole. A big asshole.

“And you do have taste and class, I assume?” She asks, grinning.

“Yes, I do.” I say.

“Well, that’s a shame.”

“Is this your attempt at flirting?” I asked.“ If so, you’re failing. Horribly.”

She laughs.“I never fail at flirting, doll.” She says, running her fingers through her dark, long curly hair and adjusting her crooked, little grin.“I’m just being friendly. Trying to have a nice conversation.”

“Sorry. Not interested.” I turned away, and took another sip of Cherry Coke. But she didn’t move. Not even an inch.

“You can go now.” I say.

She groans. “Fine. You’re being really uncooperative, you know. So, I guess I’ll be honest with you. I do gotta hand it to you: you’re smarter and way more stubborn than other boys I talk to. But I’m here for a little more than a witty conversation.” She moves her attention to the dance floor. “I actually need your help. You see, your friends are hot. And you, baby doll, are the weak link.”

“Excuse me?” I ask.

“Ya know,” She says. “The loser lame friend of the group that everyone feels sorry for.”

“What!? I am not-!”

“Hey, don’t get defensive. It’s not like you’re ugly or anything, but in comparison.” She shrugs her shoulders.“Think about it. Why do they bring you here if you don’t dance?”

She has the nerve to reach over and pat my shoulder, like she was comforting me. I jerked away from her, and her fingers move to swiftly brush back some curls out of her face instead.

“Look, you have really hot friends.” She says watching the action on the dancefloor for a moment, before facing me again. “The point is, scientists have proven that every group has that lame friend. And people respond well to others who associate with their losers.”

“Crackheads can call themselves scientists now? That’s news to me.”

“Don’t be bitter,” She says. “What I’m saying is, people- like your friends find it hot when girls show some sensitivity and socialize with the losers of the clique. So, by talking to you right now I am doubling my chances of fucking one of them tonight. So, please. Assist me here, and just pretend to enjoy our conversation, Yeah?”

I stare at her, flabbergasted, for a long moment. Beauty was skin-deep. Ronnie Rush may have the face of Aphrodite, but her soul was as black and empty as Hades himself.

What a jerk!

With one swift motion I jump to my feet and throw the rest of my Cherry Coke in Ronnie’s direction. The drink flew all over her, splattering her expensive looking leather jacket.

Drops of dark red liquid glistened on her cheeks and colored her dark blonde hair. Her face glowed with anger, and her perfect jaw clenched fiercely.

“What the fuck was that for?” She snaps, wiping her jacket with the back of her hands.

“What do you think it was for?” I bellowed, fists balled at my sides.

“Honestly, princess, I have no idea. Why don’t you fill me in?”

Angry red blazed my cheeks.“If you think I’m letting one of my friends leave this place with you, Veronica, you’re very, very wrong.“I spat.

Just before walking away, I look over my shoulder and added,“And by the way, it’s Brenden. We’ve been in the same homeroom since elementary school, you self-absorbed bastard.”

[broke-ass-twat]

all of them . . .

Fuck you and fuck the anonymous asker and lets fucking get this shit started. Also do your goddamn work Izzy.

200: My crush’s name is: Hey Izzy. Because that was such a huge secret199: I was born in: October198: I am really: Bored197: My cellphone company is: AT & T (Are you gonna ask my mother’s maiden name and first pet name now?)196: My eye color is: Brown195: My shoe size is: 11?194: My ring size is: Decently large193: My height is: 6 foot tall god192: I am allergic to: Assholes. And cats and dogs and eggs and milk and eggplant191: My 1st car was: I had a first car?190: My 1st job was: I had a first job?189: Last book you read: The first 6 pages of Cat’s Cradle. Alternatively book 25 of Desolate Era (it’s a Chinese wuxia novel)188: My bed is: Comfortable?187: My pet: Don’t have one186: My best friend: I have several185: My favorite shampoo is: Head and shoulders184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox183: Piggy banks are: Chill182: In my pockets: 2 bic pens, typically my phone, wallet, asthma pump, chapstick, and keys181: On my calendar: I don’t really use calendars180: Marriage is: Something I’ll get to179: Spongebob can: Suck my dick (I don’t really get spongebob?)178: My mom: is caring but could use some chill177: The last three songs I bought were? I don’t honestly remember the last time I bought a song. Which is a lie but I don’t know what I bought176: Last YouTube video watched: Vaguely watched the youtube video for Girls by Mura Masa175: How many cousins do you have? Total of 3 I think174: Do you have any siblings? I have a twin sister173: Are your parents divorced? Yes172: Are you taller than your mom? Definitely171: Do you play an instrument? Nope170: What did you do yesterday? Die slowly

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Sort of yeah168: Luck: Sort of but not really167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Honestly not really and that accounts for at least 2 rather important problems I can think of165: Aliens: Sure164: Heaven: No163: Hell: No162: God: No161: Horoscopes: They’re fun and sometimes fool me but no160: Soul mates: Not really?159: Ghosts: Sometimes momentarily hen I se shit move in the dark out of the corner of my eyes158: Gay Marriage: Yah157: War: Depends but yah156: Orbs: ????155: Magic: I fucking wish

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Um. Fucking both. but kisses153: Drunk or High: Depends. Mostly drunk152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Read heads are hot150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes149: Hot or cold: Hot148: Summer or winter: Feeling winter atm (I know its odd)147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate when eh. Vanilla when stuff is quality145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Orange143: Curly or Straight hair: Um. Curly?142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds is my shit (cuz apple pie)141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate you fucking heathen140: Mac or PC: Mac (theyre prettier tho I know PCs can be better)139: Flip flops or high heals: I don’t really wear either. Both are fine.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I can be ugly, sweet, and rich. Tho I guess this means ugly person. Ugly and rich since I’d just do whatever the hell I want and be rich137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremate this mess134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing133: Coach or Chanel: My dude I know fuck all about either brand. Still would go with Chanel132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who the fuck?131: Small town or Big city: Big city130: Wal-Mart or Target: They’re both cool. target feels nicer tho129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I hate them both128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: This is actually hard. Um. Shit. Hm. Weast coast?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. My birthday doesn’t tend to mean a whole lot to me (probably cuz I didn’t really have birthday parties as a kid)125: Chocolate or Flowers: I’ve never gotten flowers and that’d be chill but chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney probably.123: Yankees or Red Sox: Yankees you fucking heathen

[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Avoid it if possible121: George Bush: No very intelligent120: Gay Marriage: It’s fine119: The presidential election: Kill me118: Abortion: It’s your choice and fuck what other people have to say. Though it’s interesting to think about if one potential person wants the child and the other doesn’t. At which point I feel like whoever really wants it that bad should have sole care of it otherwise it’s unfair to both the child and one who didn’t want it. And if the dude wants the child then it’s still the woman’s choice I feel like? But this is rocky but would make a fun conversation tbh117: MySpace: Stop poking the dead thing with a stick116: Reality TV: Mostly really dumb with marginal entertainment115: Parents: Mine I guess are half really good but hard on me for good reason and the other half I seriously feel like I couldn’t care less about. In general Id hope for them to be caring, understanding, firm, and logical114: Back stabbers: Fuck em113: Ebay: Chill concept I’ve never used112: Facebook: Blackhole for my time111: Work: I hate doing it as it very rarely interests me110: My Neighbors: Chill109: Gas Prices: High I guess?108: Designer Clothes: Can be cool but mostly just why and dumb107: College: Fucking scam but also really cool adult babysitting106: Sports: theyre alright I suppose. Don’t really pay them any mind at all105: My family: I only pay attention to the ones I interact with even though there is a family member I really should talk to but don’t cuz I have a hard time caring although I really should104: The future: Scary

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Today sorta. If not today then sunday102: Last time you ate: Like an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Thanksgiving100: Cried in front of someone: It’s been a while. Don’t remember99: Went to a movie theater: During spring break like 2 weeks ago98: Took a vacation: like 2 weeks ago97: Swam in a pool: been a while. Swam in the ocean like 2 weeks ago

96: Changed a diaper: I’ve never done that

95: Got my nails done: never94: Went to a wedding: It’s been a few years. Would’ve liked to go to one this year but couldn’t for some pretty shit reasons93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Never91: Broke the law: Um. Like Saturday90: Texted: like 30 minutes ago

[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Things that are funny. Also myself88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Parents paying for shit87: The last movie I saw: Get out86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Figuring out my shit85: The thing im not looking forward to: the future84: People call me: Kemi83: The most difficult thing to do is: Have self control and follow through on it82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Libra80: The first person i talked to today was: Today a girl named sara cuz I was up and around at 2am79: First time you had a crush: Like elementary school78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: There is no one I can’t hide things from77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I have no idea. Probably within the last few days76: Right now I am talking to: Well right now I’m not talking to anyone75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hopefully happy and relatively successful74: I have/will get a job: hopefully over the summer73: Tomorrow: Is another day72: Today: Is my current reality that I really should use a lot more wisely but tend not to71: Next Summer: It’d be nice to be a more productive person70: Next Weekend: Probably gonna be doing fuck all instead of doing work69: I have these pets: I don’t have pets68: The worst sound in the world: Nails on a  chalkboard, velcro ripping, people chewing with their fucking mouths open. I can’t choose one67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Um. Prolly my stepfather?66: People that make you happy: My friends occasionally family when they aren’t disappointed in me65: Last time I cried: I dunno64: My friends are: Chill63: My computer is: Cool but mostly a huge distraction I literally can’t live without cuz I need it for everything. And I also really like it.62: My School: Is meh. Some chill people61: My Car: Don’t have one60: I lose all respect for people who: I suppose cheat59: The movie I cried at was: I dunno58: Your hair color is: Black57: TV shows you watch: I dunno. A lot 56: Favorite web site: Youtube probably55: Your dream vacation: Europe54: The worst pain I was ever in was: I don’t remember feeling pain I thought was all that intense. Like shit has hurt a lot but not like holy fuck I’m screaming53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium52: My room is: A little dirty atm51: My favorite celebrity is: Um. Gordon Ramsey I suppose? Don’t really have one50: Where would you like to be: In a very nice restaurant sipping very nice whiskey with a lot of money. Ive said this before.49: Do you want children: Maybe eventually. At least 2 but not more than 348: Ever been in love: yeah47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple46: More guy friends or girl friends: I definitely have more girl friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My girlfriend would be nice to just chill with tbh43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Don’t be a failure is sorta just it. realistically grad school.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: I actually haven't 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope40: Last person I got mad at: Um. I dunno39: I would like to move to: Somewhere on the west coast38: I wish I was a professional: Chef

[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Twix is up there36: Vehicle: Teslas are pretty fucking cool35: President: Obama probably wasn’t the best but damn was he chill34: State visited: California never really disappoints me33: Cellphone provider: AT &T I guess? What the hell sort of question is this32: Athlete: Um. Don’t really have one. Ichiro Suzuki seems pretty chill. Curtis Grandson also seems chill. What can I say my stepdad likes the Yankees. Well so does my father31: Actor: Um. idk30: Actress: Idk29: Singer: Adele comes to mind cuz damn that voice. But I probably have others I like more and don’t remember28: Band: Mura Masa is high up there for producers. So is Flume, Ekali atm, Ta-ku, and Snago27: Clothing store: Don’t really have one. Uniqlo is pretty chill26: Grocery store: Fairways is chill25: TV show: Adventure time probably24: Movie: Don’t really have one tbh23: Website: I Don’t per se have a favorite. I like tumblr and Facebook 22: Animal: Deer are chill21: Theme park: Don’t have one. Which ever one has the wildest roller coasters20: Holiday: Um. Christmas19: Sport to watch: Baseball if I had to choose18: Sport to play: Ultimate frisbee17: Magazine: Cooks Illustrated is cool16: Book: Don’t really have one15: Day of the week: Friday or saturday14: Beach: Orange beach atm cuz it’s the nicest one i’ve been to13: Concert attended: Shitttttttt. Alina Baraz and Jauz are really high up there12: Thing to cook: I like making pasta cuz I do all sorts of shit to the sauce and I’m good at it. I also make pretty decent pork chops and shit. I dunno. 11: Food: Sushi probably. Also like steak and curry a lot.10: Restaurant: Um. Five guys? I don’t really have one.9: Radio station: Don’t really listen to radio8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t know any7: Perfume: same as above6: Flower: honeysuckle5: Color: Blue and green4: Talk show host: Don’t have one3: Comedian: Louis C.K. is great2: Dog breed: Cant choose1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Very

[newromanticsstory]

III

“Don’t you dare touch that phone,” Gigi yelled at Blake as she reached for her phone as danced across the coffee table. “If you even think of touching, you’re doing a shot.” Dinner had ended hours ago, but everyone had decided to stay and hang out since it actually had been a while since everyone had seen each other in a very long time. At first it seemed that they were going to be sitting around looking at their phones, showing each other pictures that the took from their world travels, although Taylor was the only one who hadn’t gone anywhere in the past year, Selena then got an idea.

“I play this game with my friends all the time,” Selena said earlier in the night. “We all put our phones face down on the table and ignore them as long as we can. No matter what happens” They all agreed, but Taylor was worried that her phone would be going off all the time because of all the Tindr matches and alerts that she was going to be getting. So before she put her phones with the others, she flicked the switch on the side and turned off the sound. It was an unfair advantage, but she knew that it was the only way to keep her secret safe from everyone. While it seemed for a while that no one’s phone was going off, Blake’s phone when off first.

“Ryan’s by himself with both girls,” Blake said. “He might be texting me asking where something is. James is probably giving him some problems. Like asking where I am and when I’m coming home.” Gigi rolled her eyes, but before she had a chance to answer, Taylor stepped in.

“I think we can make an exception to the rule,” Taylor said. “Ryan is probably trying to get her to go to bed, but she won’t unless she says good night to you.” They all nodded in agreement. Blake then grabbed her phone and stepped away from everyone, taking the phone call from Ryan. Taylor wanted to look at her phone, but didn’t want to do a shot, in fact, it seemed that no one wanted to do a shot and everyone was avoiding their phones.

“Kookies,” Karlie said as she came out of the kitchen. “Get them while they’re hot and fresh out of the oven.” As everyone heard that, they got up and grabbed one. It seemed that this was what everyone needed. It had been so long since they all hung out that it wasn’t funny. As she took a bit of one of the kookies, Karlie looked over at Taylor. “So when’s that album coming out,” she asked. “You know that the internet is starting to lose their minds and people are starting to demand that you release it. In fact, I had two girls ask me if I knew anything in my coding classes, but I had to tell them I knew as much as they did.” Taylor swallowed hard when she heard that. The truth was that she had been writing, but nothing was good enough. The two break ups that she had were mutual and nothing bad happened recently. She had the issues with Kanye and Kim, but she did not want to dreg that up and start something new with them. She sighed.

“Good,” she lied. “I talked to Max Martin last week and he said that he liked what he saw and was going to work with it, but don’t expect something new till like next year. I haven’t even started to make the musical arrangements.” The four girls let out a collective groan. It seemed that ever Taylor’s friends wanted new music. While she said that she was going to take up to a year and a half off, it seemed that it was going to turn into two years, which she thought that she deserved since she had been stuck in a never ending cycle of touring and recording just like Bob Dylan was, but that wasn’t for her. She needed a break and it was well deserved.

“Come on,” Gigi groaned. “You’re killing us here. I know that you said that you were planning on taking a year to a year and a half off, but now it’s turning into two years. I wanna go back up on stage and strut again. That was fun.” Everyone laughed remembering how amazing the show at Met Life was when they all came out. Taylor smiled and realized that she might have to actually start really writing lyrics instead of watching true crime shows all day. She sighed softly.

“It would be funny if we both released albums at the same time,” Selena said. “We should totally go on tour with each other and do something like Jay Z and Kanye West did. But only better.” The thought of this made Taylor smile a bit. While it might be hard to tour with Selena, knowing her track record, it might be a good thing mainly because of the fact that Taylor would be able to keep her sane and maybe even get rid of those idiot friends who want to party all the time. But Taylor knew that this was a pipe dream. Her label and Selena’s label would never agree to letting them tour together. It was a dream, but a nice dream. Blake walked back and smiled.

“Everything alright,” Taylor asked. Blake nodded as she took a cookie and poured herself another glass of wine. “Of course,” Blake said. “James was just being James and refused to go to bed without saying goodnight to me and Selena you better do a shot or else I’m going push you out into the rain and sell the pictures to TMZ.” Gigi, Karlie and Taylor turned around and saw that Selena was standing with her phone in hand, with a surprised look on her face. She knew that she was busted and there was no way out. Gigi walked over and pour the mix of vodka and fruit juice into a glass.

“Drink up,” she told her. “You’re the first.” Selena shook her head. She couldn’t believe how stupid she was. Selena sighed and took her shot. “What is it,” she asked. Gigi shrugged. “It’s not jungle juice,” Gigi said. “It’s more of what a bartender would call a jolly rancher.” Selena shrugged. While it wasn’t bad, it was too sweet for her liking. “And I apologize,” Selena said. “T and Amy keep texting me about something stupid. They kept arguing about if I’m actually going to go back into the studio or not this year. Of course I had to answer them, if not they’d think that I’m dead or something.” Taylor rolled her eyes. At least they didn’t catch on her little tactic or else she’d be drunk on the floor. As Selena put her phone back down on the table, she accidently knocked Taylor’s phone on the floor, which caused her to panic. She was going to get caught and it was going to result in something more than just shots. Gigi was known for doling out punishments that fit the crime and she knew that it meant shots for her. As Selena picked up Taylor’s phone, she noticed that the silent switch was turned on. “You cheater,” Selena said causing everyone else to turn around. “You had your phone on silent the entire time. That’s so not fair.”

Taylor blushed bright red. She was caught in her own lie. “I must have forgot to turn in back on this morning,” she said as she looked down. Gigi shook her head. She then walked over and looked at Taylor’s phone. She knew that Taylor was lying, but she didn’t want to call her out on something that she didn’t know what, but she was going to get to the bottom of it.

“So why’d you leave your phone on silent,” Gigi asked. “Someone texting you too much and you don’t want your friends to find out?” Selena, Karlie and Blake couldn’t help but laugh. “Trying to hide a new man from us,” Karlie said as she came over and sat next to Taylor, letting her know that it was OK to be embarrassed.

“She’s probably not ready for us to meet him yet,” Blake said. “After all, we didn’t meet Calvin until three months after she had started dating him.” Taylor breathed a sigh of relief. She was glad her friends where actually cared about her and would accept what she was about to tell them. But before she had a chance to explain what was going on, her phone went off loud enough for everyone to hear. Gigi looked down at the screen and the started to laugh.

“Tindr,” she asked trying to contain her laughter. “Are you kidding me? Taylor, you aren’t that desperate, are you?” Taylor heard Gigi’s reaction and felt tears well up in her eyes. She didn’t thank that Gigi could be so mean. Before anyone else hand a chance to answer, Taylor grabbed her phone and ran upstairs, closing her door to her bedroom. As they heard the door slam shut, Karlie looked over at Gigi, scowling.

“You know that you could have been a bit nicer,” she said. “Now we have to work on getting her out of there and that’s going to be bad as the break up with Tom.” Karlie got up and headed up stairs as Selena was coming back down. Selena had at least gone after her and tried to reason with her, but it seemed that even that wasn’t going to happen. “She locked herself in there,” Selena said. “I’m staying until she comes out. She was there for me when I came out of rehab all those times, so I wanna be there for her.” Karlie nodded and then looked over at Blake and Gigi. She remembered that the both of them hand to leave by 10, Blake was going back home and Gigi had an early flight to Paris for a shoot with Vogue Japan. “Go,” Karlie said. “Selena and I got this. We’ll send your apologies. We all know that no one was trying to be mean.” Gigi nodded.

“I wasn’t going to make fun of her or anything,” Gigi said. “I just thought it was…” Karlie stopped her. “We all did,” Karlie said. “But it was wrong. We should have given her a chance to explain what she was doing. I’m sure that she had good intentions.” Karlie then got up and hugged Gigi and Blake. “Text when you get home,” she said. “We will,” Blake and Gigi said in unison and then headed out the door. As soon as they were gone, Karlie turned to Selena.

“It’s gonna be a long night,” Karlie said as she climbed the stairs. “Are you sure that she locked the door.” Selena nodded. “I tried it,” Selena said. “There’s no other way in there. Karlie then remember something.

“Yes there is,” she said. “Grab your jacket and follow me. We might get a little wet.” Selena looked at her like she was crazy, but she knew that Karlie had spent more nights in this apartment more than anyone, so she knew a few trick that no one else knew. Selena grabbed her jacket and followed Karlie up the stairs. From the sound of it, it wasn’t going to be a long night after all.

[jenmedsbookreviews]

Today I am delighted to open up the #booklove once more to celebrate the launch of Sandra Imrie’s new book, Connectedness. Happy publication dat Sandra and thanks for visiting my blog. Here’s a little more about Sandra and her books.

About Sandra

Sandra Danby is a proud Yorkshire woman, tennis nut and tea drinker. She believes a walk on the beach will cure most ills. Unlike Rose Haldane, the identity detective in her two novels, Ignoring Gravity and Connectedness, Sandra is not adopted.

Author links

Website ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Goodreads ~ Pinterest

…

Connectedness

TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, ARTIST JUSTINE TREE HAS IT ALL… BUT SHE ALWAYS HAS A SECRET THAT THREATENS TO DESTROY EVERYTHING

Justine’s art sells around the world, but does anyone truly know her? When her mother dies, she returns to her childhood home in Yorkshire where she decides to confront her past. She asks journalist Rose Haldane to find the baby she gave away when she was an art student, but only when Rose starts to ask difficult questions does Justine truly understand what she must face.

Is Justine strong enough to admit the secrets and lies of her past? To speak aloud the deeds she has hidden for 27 years, the real inspiration for her work that sells for millions of pounds. Could the truth trash her artistic reputation? Does Justine care more about her daughter, or her art? And what will she do if her daughter hates her?

This tale of art, adoption, romance and loss moves between now and the Eighties, from London’s art world to the bleak isolated cliffs of East Yorkshire and the hot orange blossom streets of Málaga, Spain.

A family mystery for fans of Maggie O’Farrell, Lucinda Riley, Tracy Rees and Rachel Hore.

About the ‘Identity Detective’ series

Rose Haldane reunites the people lost through adoption. The stories you don’t see on television shows. The difficult cases. The people who cannot be found, who are thought lost forever. Each book in the ‘Identity Detective’ series considers the viewpoint of one person trapped in this horrible dilemma. In the first book of the series, Ignoring Gravity, it is Rose’s experience we follow as an adult discovering she was adopted as a baby. Connectedness is the story of a birth mother and her longing to see her baby again. Sweet Joy, the third novel, will tell the story of a baby abandoned during The Blitz.

Amazon UK ~ Amazon US

Childhood Sweetheart Favourite book from childhood

Little Women by Louisa M Alcott. I guess, like so many women writers, I was motivated by Jo March’s determination to write, despite difficulties and opposition. I was quite sweet on Laurie and couldn’t believe he preferred Amy who I thought vain, superficial and spoiled. I still have my old Collins hardback, the sort with fragile thin paper; I love these books which make reading seem so special. Despite all the remakes, I still prefer the 1949 film – with Peter Lawford as Laurie, June Allyson as Jo and Elizabeth Taylor as Amy – I guess because it’s the one I watched as a child.

First love The first book you fell in love with

Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome. I still love the series and have all the audio books on my iPod. Actually the first book of the series which I read was Pigeon Post, a present from my parents, and of course after that I collected them all. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read them, always wanting to be a more imaginative John or less flaky Titty. I love their independence, their adventurous spirits, their bravery, their ability to make friends with whoever they meet.

Biggest book crush The book character you’re totally in love with

Adam Dalgliesh. Long before television detectives had to be emotionally challenged alcoholics or depressives, with more problems than their victims, PD James created this wonderful, sensible, poetry-writing, literature-quoting detective with a vulnerable side. One of the last gentleman detectives, Dalgliesh features in fourteen novels written over a period of 46 years. He seems unsurprisingly ageless, a mentor to his crime team, watching, observing, analysing. His inscrutability has a lot in common with Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot though Dalgliesh lacks the grand flourish, that would simply be too out-going for him.

Weirdest book crush Well… duh

Researching art and artists for Connectedness, I found myself drawn to Tracey Emin. I had enjoyed reading her weekly column in The Independent newspaper between 2005 and 2009, so was pleased to find these articles collected in My Life in a Column [Rizzoli]. Her anecdotal tales of her working week, her inspirations and frustrations, her victories and mistakes, gave me an insight into the practical world of a modern artist like no formally-written memoir did.

Hardest break up The book you didn’t want to end

It’s a series, rather than one book. I wish Elizabeth Jane Howard’s ‘Cazalet Chronicles’ would never end. What a master she is of unassuming quiet stories, making you care so much about the three generations of this wealthy family living through the Second World War. The lives of everyone are changed forever but particularly the women in the family; matriarch the Duchy; daughter Rachel and daughters-in-law Sybil, Villy and Zoe; and granddaughters Polly, Louise, Lydia and Clary.

The one that got away The book in your TBR or wish list that you regret not having started yet.

I could be predictable and say War and Peace, which is still on my bookshelf and on my Kindle. But instead I’m nominating Haruki Murakami’s IQ84. I’ve been a huge Murakami fan since first reading Norwegian Wood but the hardback edition of the trilogy is sitting on my to-read shelf. I’m not sure why I don’t pick it up: its length, perhaps [the trilogy is 1300 pages], or the reviews ranging from 1* to 5*.

Secret love Guilty Reading pleasure

Harry Potter. All of them. I listen to the amazing Stephen Fry read the audio books and tend to start with The Philosopher’s Stone and listen to them back-to-back. Why? JK Rowling has created a magical world that feels fingertips away from my own, which I could possibly join if I were Muggle-born. It has everything; good v evil, great fight scenes, wonderful characters to love and hate, and Rowling is so good at the detail and the planning. No fact is included in the early books that does not have relevance in the later books. Stay alert and spot them all!

Love one, love them all Favourite series or genre

Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy and now The Book of Dust. Ostensibly for children but which, like an iceberg, both disguise hidden depths of philosophy, thought and backstory enough to satisfy any adult reader. Pullman is excellent at plotting and character. We root for his people in a world not unlike ours, shaped slightly differently and running in parallel, so it is easy to imagine ourselves there. Like Rowling, Pullman is a master storyteller; many adult novelists would do well to read and study him.

Your latest squeeze Favourite read of the last 12 months

The best novel I’ve read in 2018 to date is The Heart’s Invisible Furies by Irish writer John Boyne. It is rare for me to give a book a 5* rating [my usual rating is 3] but I knew quite quickly when reading it that this would be a 5. Honest, sad, laugh-out-loud funny, touching, with paragraphs I just had to read out aloud to my husband. It is about being true to yourself, the need for honesty in relationships, and the power of love. It is the life story of one man, Cyril Avery, but also of a country and its attitudes to sexuality. The story starts in Goleen, Ireland, in 1945; a country riven by loyalty to, and hatred of, the British, at the same time in thrall to its Catholic priests whose rules were hypocritical, illogical and cruel. Cyril narrates his story, starting with how his 16-year old mother was denounced in church by the family priest for being single and pregnant.

Blind date for a friend If you were to set a friend up with a blind date (book) which one would it be?

The two novels I give most often to friends are The Light Years, the first of Elizabeth Jane Howard’s ‘Cazalet Chronicles’ and The Penguin Complete Novels of Nancy Mitford. Both are wonderful books to take you to another world, away from the stress of contemporary life and into the lives of a group of people who you come to care for.

Greatest love of all Favourite book of all time.

An impossible question to answer so I am going to nominate two [if that is allowed]. Both by Jane Austen. A predictable answer, I know, but I cannot lie and choose something else just because other people have chosen Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. I love the wit, the observation, the sumptuous descriptions. And then I remember Austen’s circumstances, moving from place to place, dependant on others, watching, writing quietly, and I wonder even more at her achievement. None of the Bronte experience of group supportive writing around a large table. Jane was on her own, without feedback.. Could you do it?

Thanks Sandra. Some great choices in there. I really just get on a read some more of the classics. I’m a very naughty reader. Hope all goes well with your book launch. Don’t forget folks – order links are at the top of the page.

Have a fab day everyone and keep spreading the #booklove.

Jen

  Book Love: Sandra Danby @SandraDanby Today I am delighted to open up the #booklove once more to celebrate the launch of Sandra Imrie's new book,