#i totally called that larry was gonna say oh wow and i was right

[meljayne]

I met some of the ghosts and gave my print of the Captian and Havers dancing in the style of JC Leyendecker. I also got to see their costumes and talk to Martha and Larry. It was an awsome event where I got to meet some other lovely ghosts fans and even give them cards of my art!!

Ben was first in line, so he saw the prints and I asked him to sign one of them. He also signed the book while I was telling him about the painting and giving him his own copy. I told him that I liked him in Me and You (because I cannot stop myself) and double science (which is a radio drama he wrote and starred in from like 2008) and he LIT UP when I mentioned double science (see below)

And then I was going to talk to Martha but the person in front of me was still talking to her and then Larry got a look at the print in my hand (because we didn't want Ben's signature to smudge) and he was like "Wow, that's amazing, did you paint that?" and he took it from me to have a look at it before giving it back, and then I told him that my favourite minor Yonderland character was Kendall, and he was like, oh, yes. And that I also really liked his elder character, especially the "if I would have known how loud winning would be, I would have chosen a different side" and "Oh, and I want to be a woman." Truly icon behavior, and he seemed to agree with me.

And that was how i spent an incredibly special 3 minutes of my life. It was kind of a hard day, being back in London for the first time since 2020, but they made it all better. I wish I could have met Martha properly, but seeing them all smile made it all worth it.

[lululawrence]

hello!! i was wondering if u had a werewolf tag for fics? i would search it but not sure how to use tumblr that well :)) if not do u have recs? LOVE U HAVE A NICE DAY<333

hi babes! i don't have one here... damn that's a fucking great idea. hahaha i'm HORRIBLY unorganized when it comes to tags for fics on tumblr. i mostly use ao3 for the organization of fics. so! that said, i defo DO have recs for you!

you didn't specify pairing, which makes me smile because i get to rec rare pairs in addition to larry and hope you read them hehe okay, here we go!

He Carries The Key by me (8k, NR, niall/louis) - this fic is the only one of mine i'll include, okay? promise haha but it is also one i wrote for wordplay just a week or two ago and it's werewolves and a pack fic and i just had a lot of fun. very soft. much fluff. many feels. i hope you enjoy. lol

There's Fur Everywhere by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (4k, G, Harry/Louis) - this is a 5 times fic, and it's HYSTERICAL. it feels slightly spoilery for me to even be including it on this list, but also... it's still fucking hilarious. emmu is queen of the crack fic that makes you feel all the soft and wonderful things, and she doesn't disappoint with this one.

I Hear Them Calling for You by @jaerie / jaerie (6k, E, Harry/Louis) - this fic is... not for everyone. like at all. please please please read the tags and the summary and if you don't like it or it makes you uncomfortable, then close right out of it. as for ME i loved what she explored with it, all the emotions and the story and worldbuilding of it all. i thought it was fantastic and incredibly interesting. it is A/B/O, pack fic with claiming and... yeah. it's amazing.

Campus Creatures by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything and @louandhazaf / YesIsAWorld (25k, E, Harry/Louis) - werewolves! vampires! fae! university! frat houses! science research positions being vied for! enemies to lovers! like... not sure what more you could ASK for, but there's also a fuck ton of humor and nudity and sexual tension and... it's just a lot of fun. can't go wrong, really. haha

From What I've Tasted of Desire by @evilovesyou / 4ureyesonly28 (72k, T, Harry/Louis) - okay so i'm including this one even though like... harry and louis aren't werewolves. but it's a twilight au, so there ARE werewolves and i'm ASSUMING you know twilight and therefore know that means you know they're pretty involved and... that's true for this fic too. ahha for real, though, i love evi's writing and this fic was one of my first introductions to it and it was a fun read, so i wanted to include it in case it had enough of the werewolf flair to entice you haha

Compete Against the Stars by @daggerandrose / amomentoflove (31k, M, Harry/Louis) - omg okay so this one is like ANGSTY AF and i FUCKING LOVE IT because it's one of those fics that you HOPE you have figured out, and you probably do, but also there's SO many twists and turns to it all that you just have NO idea how it's all gonna work out and omg are they gonna just ruin it all for themselves by being stupid and ahhhhh the tension of just FIGURING OUT HOW THEY GET IT ALL TO WORK OUT!!! and of course it does. hahaha but HOW??? this is a RIDE and in my mind feels like a longer fic than 31k in the best of ways, they did an amazing job of packing a LOT of world building and storytelling into those 31k.

the straight for your heart (wolfpack au) series by foreverkneeld and foundfamilyvevo (96k, T/G, Multiple or No pairings including Niall/Louis, Zayn/Liam, OT5, and Shawn/Niall) - This series is the ultimate hurt/comfort and healing pack fic series omg. it was recommended to me when i was in a super hard time and my anxiety was so bad i couldn't focus on anything. These short fics that all focused so much on healing and found family were exactly what i needed. so so soft, so lovely. I still haven't read them all because i'm saving them for when i need them. they're glorious.

when the air ran out and we both started running wild by darlingjustdont (48k, M, Nick/Louis) - OMG OKAY LISTEN THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVS. a tomlinshaw werewolf pack fic?! ahhhhhhhhh i was SO happy when i discovered this one. louis is alpha of the pack and things are... shaky, shall we say. there's a lot going on that he's worried about and then he meets nick and it's kind of enemies to lovers? okay, more than kind of. but omg the FEELS. SO. MANY. FEELS. but also danger and a;lsdgkhas;ldfkja just please read this and rave with me because i don't have many i can talk about this one with and i LOVE IT.

You Smell Like by mystic_believexx (185k, M, Harry/Louis) - i had no idea this fic was so long hahahaha wow ANYWAY louis is human, but he's always been close with harry and therefore basically a part of his pack. but then one day harry leaves and louis kind of accidentally becomes the pack alpha. even though he's human. but there's SO much more to it. there's just sooooo much with the friendship and the pack bond as well as the danger and trying to figure out what the hell is going on... it's just a LOT and one of those epic fics that i still think about even though i read it...a year and a half ago i guess. but it's amazing and i highly recommend it if the word count doesn't scare you away haha

Canyon Moon by @eeveelou / delsicle (41k, E, Harry/Louis) - this is a lion king au, made a/b/o werewolves! i really enjoyed this one a lot, actually, because i could absolutely see the parallels, but also the way it was adapted made it so it wasn't always obvious how it would all play out. it was a really interesting and cool world building as well.

The Truth I Can't Explain (Smoke and Mirrors) by @fallinglikethis / FallingLikeThis (9k, M, Harry/Louis) - ohhhhh this one is SO cool cause it's by tabby so she made it incredibly fun and fascinating to try to figure out. there's magic and mages and werewolves and feuds and they're basically on the eve of battle and holy cow it's just SO cool.

One Touch Is Never Enough by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything (4k, E, Harry/Louis) - once again lauren delivers and there's just so much i keep giggling about with this because it is SO fun. there's a lot that louis is dealing with in this fic hahaha and the way she writes it all is so funny. the poor man just wants a fucking massage! lololol it's lighthearted, humorous, and basically filled with fluff, crack, and smut. hahaha

Knot Safe For Work by @jaerie / jaerie (6k, E, Harry/Louis) - a;sldkgha;lfdkjas listen i forgot about this fic until i found it in my bookmarks for werewolves because jenna writes so many fucking amazing fics that when i think of werewolves, i think of at least two others first, but i could NOT do this rec without this fic because now that i remember it exists i am going to have to go and read it again! hahaha harry's a werewolf, louis is a wizard, there's knotting dildos and table sex and... just read it. lolol

Saving's What I Need by @jaerie / jaerie (17k, M, Harry/Louis) - writer louis is out for a drive one day and he hits a dog. THIS POOR DOG! he takes it to the vet and tries his best to take care of it... but things are not as they seem. because yeah, harry is defo not a dog. lollllll this fic was hilarious and sweet and omg there's just so much to love about it. there were so many more emotions in it than i expected. loooove!

Out of the Wild by @jaerie / jaerie (22k, E, Harry/Louis) - this fic has such fun world building, which is actually a huge strength of jenna's fics and you'll hear me rave about it with all 50 of her fics that will end up on this rec list (not really 50, but ya know lol). louis is a fairly wild and undomesticated wolf and harry's from the city and they end up as roommates during the x factor process. oh my word this fic is so fun because of all the challenges they're going through PLUS the wolf side of things and just... the way they work together and navigate it all as well as falling for each other is pure gold.

Out With The Old, In With The New by, you guessed it, @jaerie / jaerie (7k, E, Harry/Louis) - listen, just. this one is smutty as hell and it's gonna take you some places that some people will be uncomfortable with, which is totally valid and fair. please be sure to read the tags and make your decision on whether or not to read accordingly, but also know that its written in a super interesting way that is also pretty amazing if you do decide to give it a shot. lol

Instincts by @marastarfar / StarFar ( 100k so far - it's a WIP!, T, Harry/Louis) - omg listen. i LOVE mara's fics so much and when this first posted it was a one shot little thing that was FASCINATING. i loved it! and then i was happily surprised when i learned more was added to it. and then it was turned into a wip and omg i am so far behind now but i trust mara with my life because i love everything i've read by them and what i've read of this so far is INCREDIBLE so just. yeah. lollll

There's a Power in What You Do by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (7k, T, Harry/Louis) - i just read my comment i left on this one and it was just mainly me begging for time stamps because there wasn't any way for her to improve upon the perfection of this fic (nesting! softness! even a silly comment in her endnotes to perfectly cap it all!), but i still wanted to remain in the story just a bit longer and learn more about them. hahaha anyway, those time stamps aren't happening, but this fic is still complete perfection.

amaryllis by @hattalove / hattalove (147k, E, Harry/Louis) - for a long time this was thought of as THE werewolf fic. if anyone was talking about a werewolf fic, it was probably this one. is that still the case? probably. i'm not sure. ANYWAY. there's a REASON it was THE werewolf fic and that's because this is amazing. it sucks you in and you feel like you're truly a part of the action. it's filled with the vibe of found family and wanting to figure out what happened while also adjusting to your new life and just... so many feelings. so much angst. SO fantastically epic.

[stereogeekspodcast]

[Transcript] Season 2, Episode 2. Stereo Geeks Special: The CW’s Walker

We can't believe we're saying it, but we've enjoyed the first six episodes of The CW's Walker. What is this reboot of the 90s action show doing that's so unexpected and downright subversive? In this spoiler-free review of the first half of the opening season, the Stereo Geeks duo dive into why we're loving the show and why you should give it a try.

Walker promo image courtesy The CW.

Listen to the episode on Anchor.

Ron: Welcome to a new Stereo Geeks Special! In this episode we’ll be reviewing the first 6 episodes of The CW’s Walker.

I’m Ron.

Mon: And I’m Mon. Please note that this is a spoiler-filled review so if you haven’t caught up with the first 6 episodes, please watch them and return to our podcast!

[Continuum by Audionautix plays]

Ron: This show is adapted from the 1993 series, Walker, Texas Ranger. It was conceived by Jared Padalecki, and Anna Fricke is the showrunner. There are numerous women writing and directing the episodes. Despite the source material, this show is surprisingly subversive with regards to masculinity, gender roles, and race.

Mon: The original Walker, Texas Ranger TV show aired in the 90s, with Chuck Norris in the lead. The show was also inspired by a Chuck Norris film from the 1980s. So, as you can imagine, it was a punch-fest. Now we can't really attest to that, because we never saw it. We only ever caught the trailers on TV.

I have to say when you and I launched this podcast, I don't think we would have imagined that we would have even watched a single episode of the Walker reboot, forget actually dedicating an entire special to it. But here we are!

Ron: Well, I think part of the reason why we're actually talking about the show is because of Jared Padalecki. As Sam Winchester on Supernatural for 15 years, Padalecki has wormed his way into a lot of hearts.

But Walker is nothing like Supernatural and Cordell Walker, Jared Padalecki’s character on the show—yeah, he is no Sam Winchester.

Mon: The first episode really had me worried. It started off with a female character being fridged, and the entire storyline was confusing. Do you remember how many times I turned to you and said ‘I'm so confused. I'm so confused.’?

You were introduced to every character, and seemingly every character dynamic as well. All of that in the first 45 minutes. It was too much, and it was too messy. But the end of the episode really made us want to come back. And I think the success of this show really lies in the fact that every episode makes us want to come back and meet these characters, find out what they're doing and how are they surviving.

So, who are the characters?

Ron: As we’ve already mentioned, we have Jared Padalecki as Cordell Walker, the titular Texas Ranger. Alongside Cordell is his partner in crime—or in law enforcement— Lindsey Morgan’s Micki Ramirez. She is the first female Texas Ranger, and the first Latina Texas Ranger in the show.

Cordell’s wife, who we meet briefly in the first episode, and she returns in flashbacks in subsequent episodes, is Emily, played by Jared Padalecki’s real life wife Genevieve Padalecki. And fun fact, Jared and Genevieve met during Supernatural.

Keeping it in the Supernatural family, we have, Mitch Pileggi, playing Bonham, Cordell’s father. As Supernatural fans will remember. Mitch Pileggi played Sam and Dean's grandfather, Samuel Campbell in Supernatural.

We also meet Cordell’s mother, his children, his brother—who's also the ADA. And we also meet Coby Bell’s, Larry James, who is Cordell and Micki's captain, and has been Cordell’s long-suffering friend. There are several other characters that we meet as well. And all this happens in the first episode, so as you can imagine, it's a bit clunky.

From episode 2 onwards, it seems like they have a bit more focus. You don't have to meet every single character; they come in from time to time when they're needed in the story. And I think, overall, that kind of helped our connection with the show.

Not having watched the original, we don't really have a bouncing off point, but we do know that there was a lot of action, not much on the drama, not much on the emotions—there wasn't much human connection. I think a lot of people were hoping that they would just get something like that with this show. But Walker isn’t like that.

From the first episode onwards, it works really hard to balance the police procedural side with the family drama and dynamics. And six episodes in, I think it’s done a pretty good job.

Mon: It's been really successful in bringing these two rather disparate angles together. And what it does very well is to structurally interweave these two parallel storylines. We go from the investigation to the family drama and then we go back again, and it's not cyclical, as much as it is interwoven. And that structurally makes the episodes very interesting to watch.

Ron: But more importantly, the way they’ve balanced these two sides of Cordell’s life is actually pivotal to how the show proceeds, because Cordell is a single father now. He doesn't do a very good job of just being a Ranger, or just being a dad, and he's at the point where he's trying to figure out how to do those together. And it's actually quite amusing when you're watching it because you're like, ‘shouldn't you be with your kids right now?’ And then other times you're like ‘don’t you have a job to do?’

Mon: I feel like it's really important for us to see both these sides, not only of Cordell, but also of Micki, because it's always great to see how the job impacts the characters’ family dynamics, and the other way around. Because if you're being pulled out of your investigation because your kid did something ridiculous, or you're abandoning some kind of family trip because there's another bad guy on the loose, there will be explosions somewhere or the other. And it just makes it more relatable.

Also, we might be seeing some new pattern in The CW shows because Superman & Lois is doing something similar, right? And so's Black Lightning. They're constantly trying to show us what it's like to be a working parent. But since this is The CW, the working parents can’t just go into some office job— their office job happens to be being a Texas Ranger, or being superhero.

Ron: And that's really the crux of the show. So maybe that's why people aren't enjoying it because it isn't just, you know, fisticuffs and guns. This show is very much about subverting toxic masculinity. Walker isn’t pure as driven snow, he's definitely layered and tortured, and he does things that are questionable. But the important thing is that Micki, and the people around him, call him out on it. I especially love that about episode 6—which is fresh in our minds because we just saw it—but it's not something you see often.

Mon: I feel like in the pilot episode they kind of leaned in towards what people would have expected of Walker, being a reboot of the original Walker, Texas Ranger show. But it doesn't pan out like that, because as you said, toxic masculinity is nowhere over here.

But there are consequences to the actions that Walker takes in the pilot episode, which we see in episode 6, and that is a nuance that you need in the 21st century. We have moved beyond just watching people beat other people up. We need to know that there are people behind those fists, and that's what we’re finding out.

Ron: We started watching the show because Jared Padalecki was in it. But according to my research, Padalecki has been thinking about the show for a while.

Mon: I've been hearing about his name attached to a Walker reboot for a long time. And the only reason I think it finally got the green light is because Supernatural was announced to be coming to an end in 2020. It's been on hold for a while.

Ron: It's funny because in the initial concept apparently Padalecki was going to produce the show, and the Jensen Ackles who's going to be stepping in as Walker. [laughs]

Mon: I can see that. But you know, Ackles would have brought a kind of swagger that this version of Cordell Walker doesn't need. And I think it would have changed the dynamic a lot.

Ron: I totally agree with that, especially because Padalecki seems to have got the idea from reading a story about a policeman who walked away from his duties because he did not want to continue separating children from their parents, just because they were immigrants.

Mon: Wow.

Ron: Yeah.

Mon: That explains the undertone throughout.

Ron: Exactly.

Mon: We can't tell you too much…

Ron: …but it's what have you read that.

I'm actually very curious to see where this first season goes, because that kind of story is playing a certain part in this. We've seen it pop up quite a bit just in these first six episodes. Will they take it forward? How far will they go with that? Not sure.

Mon: It will be a bold move to really tackle immigration, immigrant problems, head on in a show like Walker. This is why we need a blank canvas. You do a reboot, you do something different. You bring it to the 21st century.

Ron: According to Padalecki’s interview with Variety, this is what we said: This is not a show about a martial artist kicking minorities in the face; this is a show about a legit Texan saying, ‘Hey, I need to hear the whole story before I make a decision.’ So this version is less about what goes through somebody’s fists and feet, and more about what goes through somebody’s head and heart.”

We've definitely seen that in the first six episodes, and following the events of the sixth episode, I think we're gonna see a lot more of that.

Mon: Exactly. They're not being completely in your face about immigrants and minority communities, how they're treated and the issues that they face, but that's definitely there.

Ron: So one of my concerns when I started watching the pilot episode was that, oh, we have a white family at the center of the story. The problem with having a completely white family is that everybody around them is also white, but this show doesn't do that.

For one, Micki, who is Cordell’s partner has a massive role; she's basically the second lead. We also have Captain James played by Coby Bell, who is a Black man, and he is trying to make a difference in his department. The Walker showrunner, Anna Fricke spoke to Variety about the characters of colour on the show: “This was always supposed to be a show that was set up to have conversations on both sides of the fence and that Walker is a character that can see things both ways — we call him the edge of the coin. We realized that unwittingly we were set up to have those conversations in the characters of Captain James, who is a Black man, and in Walker’s new partner, who is a Latinx woman.”

So, she went on to talk about the pilot episode especially, because it did get delayed in production. So they went back to the writers room, and they worked on a few things. So this is what she had to say about how the pilot was changed slightly to reflect the circumstances of 2020. “Given that we had the extra time, we tweaked the pilot slightly in that Captain James, as a newer captain who was promoted while Walker was gone on a case, is really here on a mission to bring progress into the department and to keep an eye on corruption.”

Now considering everything that we have seen in 2020 and the police violence that has been, well, it's been there in the US for a long time, but in 2020, it's just—you couldn't avoid it. So, the Black Lives Matter movement definitely had an impact on the show. I'm kind of surprised that there aren't other shows that are following the same example. 2020 threw everything out of balance, but writers rooms had the opportunity to really absorb everything that was happening around them. I like the fact that the Walker team went back and said, ‘You know what we can do something, we can show what's happening in the real world through our show’. And that's why, I guess, we’ve seeing so much of the subversion.

I think what we’ve seen till now is only a taste of what's to come, really.

Mon: Oh, I agree with you. Listening to what Anna Fricke had to say about Captain James, I want to see more of that, because right now, he's almost comic relief—which I love, I really love that about him. But you can tell that there is a serious story and a serious character simmering beneath what is seen.

And this is a really clever move by the writers room so far. They are going with the easy route—family drama and investigation, but they're slipping in these moments which are making you think, which are bringing the reality of the world into the fantasy of the show.

In the first episode, Micki highlights some of the racism that she's had to overcome to be a Texas Ranger. In episode two, Stella, Cordell’s daughter, she acknowledges her white privilege and how it lets her off the hook, but not her Latinx friend.

And throughout, we see the same thing—a person of color is accused of killing his boss. Did he really do it? This seems too easy; it's constantly happening in every episode. It's a pattern. And I feel like it is crescendoing to something major. Is it going to be a realization of just how harmful some of the Texas Rangers’ actions are in the real world? Or is it going to be something different? We don't know.

Ron: Whatever we've learned so far about the show is making me question why they've kept the name of the show, just Walker.

Mon: Ooooo. Good point.

Ron: Especially now that we know what the inspiration for the show was for Jared Padalecki. Hmmm.

Mon: Wow, that’s really making me think.

I really like how refreshing this show is. It could have just been an easy reboot; they could have just cruise controlled throughout the entire story. It could have been about guy loses his wife, he's drunk, he meets new partner, they build a romance, kids go on living their life—none of that is happening so far. There are real questions being asked here, and it's thought provoking.

It's entertaining but it's also thought provoking. And I like that; that's a good mix. I mean let's be honest, when you cast Jared Padalecki as Cordell Walker, you know you're going to get a different kind of hero. He's not just going to be broody. He's not just going to be an Action Man; there's going to be layers. And that's what we get.

He definitely comes across as somebody who is burdened by his loss. He's also a little bit arrogant, but he's coming to terms with the fact that he has made mistakes in his life; he's constantly continuing to make mistakes, and he has to address those. But he's also funny; because like, he's a real person.

He'll suddenly act out not realizing the consequences, or he'll say something because he got excited. He is so normal. And I really liked that because there are these instances of comic relief and you're like, ‘that came out of nowhere, but I really needed that’.

Ron: It's funny because we’ve kept mentioning how we watched the show because of Jared Padalecki and how, because he was Sam Winchester, it was just a natural progression. But watching Walker, I'm not getting anything of Sam Winchester. I'm commending Jared Padalecki for his performance because Sam Winchester was last year, Walker is just a few months later.

The person that Sam Winchester was, was kind of young, needed direction, always turned to his older brother. Walker isn't like that. Cordell is a grownass man with teenage children. Somehow I just can't get over that

Mon: And the fact that Sam Winchester was such a rule follower, whereas Cordell’s middle name is basically rule breaker. I just really like that. I mean, we know that an actor is supposed to be able to disappear into new roles, but it's always funny when you go from 15 years as one person and then suddenly he's just living in the boots of Cordell Walker.

Despite that, I have to say that the performances throughout are very The CW. Either people are speaking rather staccato, or they're a little bit singy-songy and melodious. I feel like they need to up the ante a little bit, because this kind of show, with its drama and its family dynamics, it requires a little bit more nuance. But it hasn't really affected how I enjoy the show.

Ron: I think for the most part, Jared Padalecki and Lindsey Morgan are doing a very good job. I love the chemistry between the two characters, they feel like their partners, and it makes it really fun to watch. The parents, played by Mitch Pileggi and Molly Hagan, that's a dynamic that I'm very interested in watching more of. I don't know where they're going with it, but it's not what I expected.

Mon: I feel like they’re teetering on the brink of being a soap opera with Abeline and Bonham, but they're constantly restraining, so I want to know what they're planning to do with them. Because I feel like Bonham, especially, he's changed since the pilot. He's not the person who we were introduced to during the pilot episode, and that's a good thing because I didn't like that guy. With Abeline, she's a very different kind of character, and I almost feel like she's an antihero,

Ron: Or is it Bonham who the antihero?

Mon: Oooooo

Ron: There is some tension between these two characters. We aren't given much information. They’re eking it out for the audience, and it's so unexpected. Every time they come on screen I'm just like, ‘What is going on what is happening with these two?’ Sometimes they're happy to be together, a lot of times they're not. I feel like we're gonna get to know something which is gonna change how we watch the show.

When it comes to acting, I think the young ones, Violet Brinson, who play Stella, and Kale Culley, who plays August, they've taken some time to settle into their roles. It's one of the same problems that we kind of have with Superman & Lois, where Superman and Lois are great to watch, but the children? Not so much.

Mon: Yeah, I would say the weakest link in the show is definitely Stella and August, especially August. I feel like they want to do something with this character, but he's just been left behind. With Stella, she's almost the conduit for some of the drama, some of the flashbacks, and some of the race-talk that is happening. But with August, he's not even an angsty teen; he's just there.

Ron: But I think that relates to how this show is gender swapping a lot of moments. Stella is basically the troublemaker, and it's an understandable reaction because she is grieving and her father wasn't there when she was grieving. So she's acting out just to get attention, which is something that teenagers do. August, on the other hand, is the ‘good’ child. He’s a saint. He doesn't do anything wrong. He immediately allows his father back into their lives and Stella is the one who's questioning, ‘why?’. This man was gone when we needed him. She wants August to stand up for them. But August doesn't. He wants to keep the piece. That's a fun little subversion that I’ve been wanting to see in shows but this one is giving it to us.

And then there are these other little things, like Stella is playing soccer. I have not seen soccer in an American TV show, so that's really unexpected. It's usually American football, or it’s lacrosse, like in Teen Wolf, but soccer? Not so much, so that's fun. You see August kind of helping with the cooking, but he's also very interested in photography. And that's a creative field that we usually see female characters get into. What's also quite interesting in Walker is that both Stella and August are taking after their mother. They do things that she used to like doing, that she was interested in, that they did with her. Their father, not so much, even though he was also absent so they would want to do something that he likes. But it seems like they're genetically predisposed to want to be like their mom, so that's fun.

From what we know of Emily, she was quite multitalented. She was a photographer. She was a great mom. She was a good friend; she was a wonderful wife; she was a handyman. And Walker, on the other hand, is terrible with tools. We don't usually get to see things like that.

Mon: In a way, Walker is defined by only two things: his job and his family. But Emily, despite having such curtailed screen time, is this fully-fledged character, who was so amazing in every way and everybody is like, kind of, always wishing that Emily was there, and not Walker. I don't know if they intended that as a subversion, but it sure comes across as that.

Ron: What Walker does well is that the subversion isn't just limited to the Walker family. Like we see Micki, is the Ranger, but her partner, Trey, is a nurse. Now, this is something that used to drive me up the wall about most shows that were, you know, in any way action-oriented, sci-fi, fantasy. Female characters were almost always relegated to the role of healer or nurturer, male characters got to go out there and fight. But here, it's exactly the opposite. Micki is the one who is going out and fighting, whereas Trey is the one who is there to help people and take care of them if things go bad.

Mon: And not just medically. He's also an emotional support for a lot of people. Like he's there for Stella, he's there for Walker. He's also there for Micki. So again, that's why we need a refreshing change from what we've always had. And I like that it’s the CW which is doing it because, yeah, they’re kind of on the map because of their superhero stuff, but we've always found that even with the superhero stuff, there have been times when we felt like they could have pushed some boundaries, but they didn't. And with this show, I'm not saying they're like, completely breaking every possible glass ceiling. I'm just saying that they're doing a very good job of making some cracks.

Ron: I mean there is a strip club scene which is not what it looks like. That's all I'm gonna say.

From episode 2 onwards, every story has been really, really exciting. So, from a writing point of view, the show is also doing a really good job. I've actually found myself surprised by the direction of some of the stories, and that's quite fun, considering we've watched a lot of police procedurals in our lives.

Mon: At this point, it's easy to get a little bit jaded with pop culture. This is our entertainment—action stuff, superhero stuff, we are for it. But you need to innovate. It's a tough landscape, there's so much new content coming out, so much of it is in the same genre. What I feel like with Walker is that, mostly because of Padalecki, he's gonna draw in a completely different crowd, which is the Supernatural crowd. And because it's on The CW, you're also getting eyeballs from an audience who is kind of watching Riverdale in the evenings. And then they got Walker. And you need that balance, because so much content is cruise control. And as we said, this show could easily have been that, but it wasn’t. And it's trying very hard not to.

As we said, there is a certain pattern, because in every episode, you're like, ‘Wait, did they just do that?’ And it makes you sit up and take notice and wonder, ‘okay in all these years, why did no other show have this particular scene?’ And more than anything else, I think that's what's making us come back. It's like, how are they innovating? How are they being more creative and more innovative with the same established storylines and dynamics.

Ron: I'm going to give Walker props for even trying to do things differently, because you just mentioned Riverdale, and that show is entertaining, but it's been so cliched from the very start. And considering its audience, I really would have wanted it to do something a little bit different. There have been times when I’ve watched Riverdal and I thought, ‘Oh okay, that's a little bit different.’ But honestly, it just doesn't try that hard.

Mon: No, in fact, some of the messaging in there is problematic to say the least. Young people are watching it, and, well, young people are on The CW a lot, and I do worry that they need to get a strong message about what's right, what's wrong and what you should be questioning,

And that's what Walker is doing. It is acknowledging the privilege of this family. But at the same time, it is also telling us that they have their own struggles. Are their struggles greater than other people? No. But this is the story that we’re being told, because we need the audience stand in, and as we know the easiest way for the audience to walk into a show is through somebody who apparently looks like them.

Ron: The people around the Walker family are people of color. So you have Micki, you have Trey, you have Captain James, Stella's friend, August’s possible love interest, they haven't got there yet. Even Cordell’s brother Liam, his partner is a person of color. So you've got this in with the Walker family, but around them, you’ve got all these people of color who we definitely are interested in and invested in. It could have easily been the other way around, and I would have liked that, but I'll take it.

Mon: I think the smart move by the writers has been that not only do we have an in with a white family, but we're also looking through their eyes to understand the different viewpoints of the people around them. And essentially what's happening is that no one is being made to feel alienated in a circumstance or an environment that they feel is their own. So, the fact that the white family has a ranch, and stuff like that okay, yeah, that's aspirational for a lot of people. But you also have the Black captain who is new. So you have that audience who is enjoying being part of a club, if you could say, that hasn't always represented them. And then you have, of course, with Micki, and the dichotomy of being a Texas Ranger, when the Texas Rangers are such a problem for the Latinx community. So it’s this inclusivity, which I guess we’re really, there for.

Ron: And that's all just within the first six episodes, so I really don't know where this show is going to be going. I'm very excited by its direction. And I'm really surprised that from all the shows that we've seen Walker is the one that's making us think, ‘well, this is doing something different’.

Mon: Yeah, and I think it's fortuitous that we are recording this episode after episode 6. That was some episode! A lot happened, they packed in a lot. There were a lot of twists and turns too; a lot of bombshells in there. And it's actually making us rethink how we have viewed some of the characters. There are some revelations coming and I don't think we're gonna like it.

Ron: Well, I for one, am totally invested in this show. Episode 6 felt like it was a turning point. According to Anna Fricke, the showrunner, things are gonna be happening. I cannot wait to find out what they are.

So, there you have it. We're really enjoying the first six episodes of Walker, which is not something we thought that we would be saying on our podcast.

Mon: But we’re glad we are. Because, you know what, if you haven't caught this show because you think it's not your kind of show, give it a shot. And give it a shot beyond just the pilot episode because you're in for a ride.

Ron: And some really great characters.

Mon: Absolutely.

Ron: Have you watched Walker? What did you think of it? We'd love to hear from you.

You can find us on Twitter @Stereo_Geeks. Or send us an email stereogeekspodcast@gmail.com. We hope you enjoyed this episode. And see you next week!

Mon: The Stereo Geeks logo was created using Canva. The music for our podcast comes courtesy Audionautix.

[Continuum by Audionautix plays]

Transcription by Otter.ai, Ron, and Mon.

[achieveandhunt]

live typing extra life 2019

warning: this a fucking LONG post. if you plan on reading it all, godspeed.

i typed all of this as it was happening on stream so this gets progressively less coherent as i grow more sleep deprived. prepare yourselves. i may or may not go off topic at some points

larry vehemently vomiting pure malic acid. we’re off to a great start

what the fuck the soggy ass popcorn in that ranch jesus christ

lindsay in the song from AH the musical. i love her so much

jeremy going YAAAAAAY after someone eats a cursed oreo

matt getting AGGRESSIVELY kissed by larry

“this kiss this kiss” before geoff and jack kiss

geoff “i’m from alabama” ramsey

THIS FUCKING RANCH SEGMENT HAS ME GAGGING

jeremy “the alcohol demon the whiskey goblin” dooley

alfredo “you wont believe what the white people did today” diaz

DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS GET THAT DICK ESSENCE

wait why does it sound like wonderwall

they look like characters from the matrix

the speaking parts. make my teeth hurt

in conclusion: they weren’t kidding abt the tight pants 

okay everyone get ready for eric soundboard spamming YEAH BABEY

“hi i’m from broadcast and i don’t want to be here” they represent themselves well

also, let’s take a second to appreciate broadcast here!! they have a really tough job and don’t get a ton of credit. lots of love to all of broadcast!!! you guys are awesome

i am: foreseeing problems with this eric sound board

which one is eric?? will the real eric please stand up?? was the real eric the one we found along the way??

“i’m... just really worried that i won’t ever find love-” “i really don’t care”

WHY DO THEY HAVE THAT ON THE SOUNDBOARD (what does that apply to? whatever it is you’re thinking of, but mostly “daddy wants some”)

ooh someone’s about to get a fReE tongue piercing from a pineapple

god dammit i went to the bathroom for thirty seconds and now they’re eating chad’s chest hair

owie the shock collar and belly slap look painful, but drinking natty light from a shoe? that’s a true punishment

“and this roast was brought to you by meundies”

ah yes what better way is there to end a segment than people throwing up

“man action” oh no

THROBERT MULVEINY

K A R B is blind in T W O of her eyes

“my last name is cottagecheese”

I HAVE A PIECE OF METAL SHOVED UP MY A S S 

chris has somehow managed to lose 23 years of age and roughly 412 pounds

“just open throat like baby bird” who the fuck is writing this and why is it jeremy

jon. jon you’re breathing in adam’s ass fumes

a summary of this segment: ass and cottage cheese

BARB IS HERE I REPEAT BARB IS HERE

“to fitness” -starts choking-

final fitness coach: tad, here to workout your issues so they can beat you into submission

“will you buy my wet” well i don’t see that on the raffle items

we’re back folks & i’m loving this walk around segment

moonball wall and gavin&michael will soon be reunited can we get an F in the chat

jeremy getting a borderlands tattoo is very on brand

what’s extra life without a little satan

“starvation army, putting lead back into paint, increasing childhood obesity” people in chat: TAKE MY MONEY

chris “i’m doing a different hole” demarais

ah yes. the game we all play in hell: twister

nobody edit chris getting mustard shot down his throat. i’m scarred enough from the original clip

oh fuck. oh god. the mayo. oh god what the fuck is up with the misuse of condiments this year

this just in: a human soul costs roughly $12,700

D̷̯͑̆̈́͝Õ̸̲͎̥̬͈̬̙͕̲G̸̢̧̠͉͚̙̲̙̓̔̀̇S̷̥̀́͆̈́̇̀ ̶̣̞̗͚̬̭̖̦͇̈́̎̈́̿̓̈́͆̒̋D̷̙̟̩̫͉̺̐̊̚Ö̶̥́̋́̓ͅĜ̵̞̌͋̏̉̌̕͝͝S̵̤̹̣̫̮̻͛̍̑̕͝͝ ̷̧̨̞̙̥̟̜͍̉̍̑̏̇̀̾D̴̻̮̩̯͓͉̖͎̘͐̒͋̓̉͝ͅỎ̶̰͓̳̥͑̅͛͊̒͐͊͘̚G̵̩̻̦̥̠̃̔S̶��̧̹͚̩̱͖͆͘ ̸̢̢͇̻͔̗̺̼͖̱̏̾̔̚D̴̨̨̫̙̃̾̋̾̆̓̓Ớ̷̡͓͎͊G̶̱̣̣̰̝̖̰̗̓͐̐̊͋̀͊̀̕͝Ş̷̩̺̬̖͙̺̟͗̈́͒͗̀̑́́̕͠ ̷̡͈̼̲͈̳̫̺̝̈́̋͌͗̒ͅD̸̨̬̞̪̗̘̄̑͆̿̈́͘͠͝O̸̡̡͇͕̻͎͍͉̅̌͗̄͌̑̉̔͂̎Ḡ̸͙̟̪̞̬̬͕͐̈̏S̶̝̪̼̮̠̜̭̳͖̘̑

urine: to help with aerodynamics

jon: maya, speak! maya: *the smallest arwoo*

today’s mvp: any dog. pick one. no matter which you pick, you’re right

how the fuck did blaine change back from satan so quickly

barb as a cat is... my new sleep paralysis demon

blaine: barbara speak! barbara: climate change is real

#dogsforkids

this just in: extra life killed my wifi

we’re back & kdin is in the business of killing people with spice. she is the spice queen

queue six thousand well-timed 1337 donations

HOLY SHIT THAT’S COLIN FROM WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY

hmm “questionable liquids” is very... questionable

trevor: oh there’s four of them! we all get to join in the Fuckkkk

“what’s your favorite kind of candy” “any meat”

i like pickles and i would rather rip my eyebrows off than drink the juice so i feel for trevor

the only thing worse than drinking apple cider vinegar is shooting it out of your nose

“can you feel the love tonight” “i used to and that’s the problem”

“flubs every word man” damn, really missed the chance to say captain hair

jeremy not being able to intentionally flub his words is so fucking funny

OK BOOMER 

wow i can feel my blood pressure spike just watching these shots

Xavier Woods is here and he wants to know if it’s Christmas

miles doesn’t know what a question is

WHERE’S YOUR HAIR

oh no. oh no helping hands is next. everyone clear a splash zone

CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

miles bossing around chef mike is priceless

“you leave that fucking dough on the floor”

“you wanna slam your hands down on the table” *pizza sauce goes flying everywhere*

HOEDOWN HOEDOWN HOEDOWN jesus why do i keep doing that

“If Colin Mochrie is listening, I’ll see you here next year” OH FUCK YEAH

--- this is when i take a break so my soul can return to my body (aka i have work to turn in. college will never not be a pain in my ass) ---

oh god dammit i missed all of Always Open. fuck college who needs a medical degree

so... we have some very interesting things happening in family feud and i’m not sure if i like any of them

hmm. is now the time to get drunk

oily twist feels very... ominous

what do you mean you don’t remember gandalf having a taser in lord of the rings?

someone in the chat said “big stupid sleeping thing is what my parents called me in high school”

i think i’m blacking out what’s going on i don’t remember the past two hours

ah yes. voldemort and snape having a talk show together sounds exactly like something J.K. Rowling would make a spinoff book or show or porno of

can we just talk about how much shit chris has been doing this year? what a guy. what a dude

“coldy with voldy” actually means getting knocked the fuck out cold because you only got three hours of sleep last night and you don’t want to miss chef mike and lindsay cooking

this snape poem is summarized by one phrase: “that was terrible sit the fuck down” (sorry chris)

“let’s destroy a weasley” enter chad

fucking called it

“you smell poor” i need a caffeine drip

heh the wheel spins are at 69 heh nice

i’m a grown ass woman

welcome to a section called: we torture chad for your entertainment

“who wants us to kill weasley?” *massive cheers from the audience*

“wait weasley step away from the wideshot so i can masturbate to this later”

“i’m not gonna rub my eye mom”

oh they’re really gonna kill chad on stream huh

i felt that chest slap in my soul

i think i felt my own ribs crack

oh fucking

tumblr deleted my thoughts on the fanfic section

alright. fine. brief summary: my teeth are burning

my mom lindsay is on next and i’m so excited but i’m nearing the point of loopiness so things will go downhill dramatically from here

this is my fucking fourth extra life, you would think i’d be smart enough to sleep the night before

LINDSAY LINDSAY LINDSAY THAT’S MY MOM

JEREMY JEREMY JERE- wait a second... did jeremy get taller

oH CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

i hope Xavier comes back next year because he’s funny as fuck

m y a t t

oh god the mcdonald’s shade i’m rolling

lindsay “who’s the chef here” jones

chef mike mentioned mayo and i involuntarily gagged

chef mike clowning the big mac. i’m crying

he made the right choice with ryan bc i’ve seen his cooking stream(s) and it’s nothing if not great content

i heARD A MICHAEL JONES

“lindsay you haven’t done anything but warm up cookies so far” “yeah and?? you’re welcome”

you know that classic snack. slightly warm oreos

JEREMY THE LIQUOR GOBLIN DOOLEY IS BACK

oh god him screeching across set is making me cry laughing

why does it remind me of trevor’s voice cracks in the one minecraft ep where they’re singing the lion king

the biggest spoon for the smallest shot glass

i just realized we’re not even halfway through yet and i’m scared for the length of this list i’m gonna end up falling asleep involuntarily at some point

lindsay no your teeth are going to errode from that shot in your mouth

well timed leet donation #1829495

this gorden ramsey bit is so fucking good

jack: what do you think of the arugala? matt: i don’t even know what you said

iT’s NoT jUsT tWo CoOkIeS miCHeAL

jeremy and michael just chillin amidst the choas is exactly my demeanor at any party i’ve ever been to

lindsay scores: ryan = 7 because diet coke, matt = still eating lindsay’s meal so it’s a 10, xavier = also still eating it so it’s an 8. total: 25

“deep fry everything but a remote control”

chef mike scores: ryan = 9 for no death, matt = greens are present, words were said, score is 8. xavier = Gourmet Mcdonald’s, food is edible, score is 8. total: 25

oh fuck it’s a tie

now they fight to the death. death = doing as many shots as possible

i think we’re all going to need liver transplants after tonight

no jesus please don’t vomit oh goD oh fUc k please- oh thank god

okay i’m making a part two this is too much

[bluewhores]

This is "Radio Rebel," live from the underground. You don't know who I am... But I know who you are... Because I'm one of you. I got a "minus" in participation... But you can't give me a "minus" for who I am! So, since grades are being handed out, I think I'll give all of us at Lincoln Bay High an "F," for labeling each other. Jocks. Outcasts. Queen bees and their fellow pops. And... new-born pops. Guys, these are all labels, not who we really are. Once upon a time, now those differences just divide us. You deserve to embrace your awesomeness. Stand up for who you are. Reject the status quo. I dare you. Okay. Last night. "Radio Rebel... " ...was awesome? As usual! "Reject the status quo" is my new life motto. She's so... inspiring. So... herself. I wish I could be more like her. You should talk to your step-dad. What? Why? Uh, he runs Slam-FM, the biggest radio station in Seattle. Maybe he could give you an internship. That'd be a confidence booster, right? Are you kidding me? He's been married to my mom for, what, two months? Probably thinks I'm a total step-freak. I freak out when he asks what kind of cereal I want. I just wish I could talk to everyone the way I talk to you... I guess that's why you're my B.F.F. B.F.F.T.L.E.W.E. "Best friends for totally, like, ever, without exception. " Catchy. You need a relaxation technique. When I'm memorizing lines for drama, I imagine I'm breathing in the words. Audrey? What does that even mean? A- h-h-hem. You need to Bree-ea-athe your wo-o-o-ords. How can you even breathe at a time like this? Problem, Barry? Last night, Radio Rebel revealed the biggest clue yet about her identity. She goes to our school! She mentioned it at minute 14:30, in Tuesday night's podcast. Wow, obsess much, Larry? Obsess? Please! I- I would hardly describe myself as "obsessive. " What? It's flu season! It's so exciting. Someone on the radio who's actually one of us. She could be that girl. Or... or her. Or... Or her. Or that girl that girl. No. That girl's too tall. Radio Rebel's voice sounds 5'6" to me. And her hair is reddish. Like Tara's. No. She's nothing like Tara. Hey! What's... that supposed to mean? Oh. We... We love you, but you're nothing like Radio Rebel... Who's definitely a blonde. And you know this how? Radio Rebel is my soul mate. For example, I also got a "minus" in participation. How can that be? You never shut up! Exactly. Honestly, it's a relief that we broke up. The whole long-distance relationship thing was just lame. Well, I'm glad you've moved on, because you've already had three formal asks to prom. Alan Ackerman... He's too short. Think of the pictures. Okay. How about Jamie Wardle? Have you ever noticed how pointy his head is? It's like a triangle. How do we "reject the status quo" when the status quo is... status quo? Like Radio Rebel said... Be ourselves. Audrey! So, next... Erin Brooks is officially campaigning for prom queen. I just confirmed it on her fan page. Whatever. No competition there. Why don't I have a fan page? I'll get right on it. Hi, Stacy. How's it going? This... is what I was talking about. Everyone thinks they can just talk to us because of that eternally lame "radio babble. " Methinks she protests too much. Yeah, we thinks... Wait! What do we thinks? That maybe she is Radio Rebel. Like I would ever encourage people like you to talk to us. Ah-hah! So you admit you listen to her. This one's staring at me. Make it stop. Please don't stand so close to us. You and I aren't any different. Like Radio Rebel said... no words. You don't think we're different? Watch and learn. Principal Moreno! Stacy! Is everything all right over here? Actually, no. Audrey was trying to get me to listen to some podcast in class. Of course, I said no. What? No. I mean, I never... you know... That there is an anti-distraction policy. Let me see your bag. But I wasn't even listening to it! Well, now you can't, can you? You, too, young lady. Hand it over. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Stacy. Get it now? Your little DJ hero doesn't know what she's talking about. Oh? Does

"her royal shyness" want to say something? I... Huh? Uh... I thought not. Bye, girls. Greetings to our loyal fans. This is Gabe and Gavin, or as you know us... the "Gees!"... ...coming at you to say thank you for voting for us to play at your prom. We'll make sure it totally rocks! Well, well, well, look who it is. Lincoln bay's own Internet sensation. Hey, Stacy. Gavin... and Gavin's camera. I heard you guys are playing prom. Pretty sweet. Bye. Dude... You are in. What do you mean? Stacy and her college boyfriend just called it quits. Which means, as of right now, she doesn't have a prom date. I can't ask her to prom. Didn't you see that? "Hi, Gavin. " It's the band, man. We're getting some heat, a little attention from the ladies. Your stock is on the rise, and Stacy's noticing. Well, what would I even say? Listen to me. Okay? Focus. Eye of the tiger. Don't stop believing. We are the champions. Are you just quoting song titles? This is your chance, man. Seize the moment. Our fan base is expanding... to other schools, the city... I still feel like that awkward kid with a guitar just hanging out in your garage. Forget that nerd! Now you're "Gavin. " Of the "Gees. " We're going all the way, baby! Recording contracts, sold-out stadiums. Gees for life? Gees for life. Ow! All right, everybody. Today, we are going to be working on a project with Mr. Saul's drama class. Oh, here they are now. Come on in, people. Please, pick a seat. Quickly. This is so exciting! Gavin! This seat is free. I will be pairing you all up, and... What is Gavin doing here? Uh... he's in drama? You know, you could talk to him. Since, like, the first Harry Potter movie. Ugh... No. No, he's... He is a newborn pop. Totally wrong social bracket. The best thing for me to do is just avoid him altogether. Gavin's not elitist like that. Ask yourself, what would Radio Rebel do? You will be translating a scene from Shakespeare... Hey. It's a good thing we're in class together now. Saves me from having to find you later. Oh? And why would you have to find me? 'Cause I wanted to ask you something. About prom? I need a volunteer. Who would like to write a scene suggestion on the b...? Board. Ahem! Oh! Did you wanna... pick a volunteer? I got excited. Drama is my life. Okay! Who wants to write a suggestion? Let's see hands, people! Okay... hands, hands, ha... Tara! How about you? Come on up. You can do it. Just don't make eye-contact. I was thinking maybe that we could... Hello! Walk much? Uh... Oh! Okay, people. Settle, settle. I still need a volunteer. Are you all right? Are you okay? Hey. Delilah. Look at this. Cami Q called me, she told me I had to check out this new podcast girl. She's... she's really something special. That's for my pedicure.

That was the latest single but who are you, exactly? I think we're always juggling a bunch of different "you's". Like, when you're with your friends, sometimes, you're the funny one, or the loud one... No! N- n-n-n-n-no! How about with someone you like? Which "you" shows up then? Which is probably why I never talk to him. Or do you feel like you're 17 different people, too? Yes, I do! I totally feel that way! She's amazing, right? Exactly what Slam-FM needs... a fresh, new vibe... to get us out of this ratings slump... You need to ask Tara what she thinks! It could be a bonding moment. Yeah... I mean, I could... I could... I could do that. Be, like, kind of a bonding thing. Step-daughter, step-father... Mm-hmm! Stop eating my "foot fruit. " I will, uh, I'll do that. I'll talk to her, about it all. You can do it! It'll be a bonding thing. Yeah! Huh. - Hey! - Rob? What are you doing here? I live here. Okay. Thanks for stopping by. So! What do you think of Radio Rebel? What? Why? It's just I just want to get your take on her, that's all. She's great. Bye now! You know what? I... I knew that you'd think so. I really did. You know? We have so much in common, you know? Yeah, like, we're both super-busy. So, I... look. I know that this is a really difficult transition for you, and, with your dad working in Taiwan, and your mom and I, and... I just want you to know that you have a friend here. It's fine. I'm fine. Really. So, this is good, right? I mean, here we are, we're hanging out, we're listening to Radio Rebel, and... Together... That's weird. What happened? The music just stopped. Did yours stop? Where'd she go? And that rounds off the final set for my favorite local band. Now, here is an extra long track just for you guys. I hope you dig it. You're Radio Rebel? That depends. Am I in trouble? No! No, of course not. I... I... I don't know how you're doing that? I mean, you're so shy. I am. But... she's not. I don't know... It just works. I can't believe it. I mean, I-I love it, I just can't believe it! We're gonna take Slam-FM to the next level. I'm... I'm sorry, "we"? Yeah! I... you're gonna be Slam-FM's next big thing. You're hired. That's for sure. You're hired. Oh, I just happened to be eavesdropping! I hope you don't mind. O- m-g! My baby is gonna take slam to the next level! What's the matter? What if I mess it up? Oh, honey. You have to take risks. Like, I always thought chartreuse was a bad color for me, and then I tried it, and now it's my trademark. How do you know something isn't fabu, if you never try it, right? Look out. You're in the twelfth night group with Stacy and Gavin. No, no, no. No, I can't. Talk to him. He's just a person. Go on. Go. Do it. Hey. Cool shirt! I love that band! "You first" rules. The Gees can only dream of being that good some day. The Gees are totally as good as you first. Really? Okay! Here's our scene. Tara is viola. Now, Tara this role does require both walking and talking. Think you can manage? Just kidding, you know I love you. Okay, and, Gavin, you're orsino. Wait... What about you? Brower has me directing. And we've got a lot of work to do. If you like you first, you should check out "red letter day. " You ever hear of them? Uh-uh! No band talk right now, gav. Sorry, but I don't want anyone to think I'm favoring you just 'cause I'm your prom date. Speaking of, we need to work on your prom king campaign. Of course, he's taking Stacy to prom. Look, at least you talked to him. For you, that's major progress. I barely got two words out. Come to my house tonight. We'll do yoga. I'll teach you the "extended hyena" pose I invented, and we'll listen to Radio Rebel. I can't. What do you mean? It's Radio Rebel's first show on Slam-FM. Do you realize how epic that is? I mean, she was popular before, but now it's, like, the whole world will be listening, including us! I have plans. What plans? Family plans. You are the worst liar. You sound just like you did when you said you liked that haircut I got at the mall. It wasn't that bad. It was mullet-adjacent. Tell me what you're hiding, or

I'll start screaming in three seconds. - What? - One... - Audrey, no-no-no! - Two... Well? I'm sorry. I can't tell you. I thought I was your b. F.F.T.L.E. "Without exception. " Then... Why don't you trust me? Gavin. 3:00. Your 3:00, or my 3:00? We have the same 3:00. Oh. He's coming over here. What do I do? Oh! For the record, this is why you don't ice your friends out. Hey, Tara. What's up? So, do you wanna run lines on the weekend? Or we could mime the lines, if you're not feeling particularly talky? "Mime. " "Talky... " I'm gonna go. M- me. N-now. Um... Okay... Tara! Free meals! Score. Hey, Seattle! You're listening to Slam-FM! I want Radio Rebel ads on every major social network, just blast the Internet... updates every hour. Want to blanket the market. Good. Bye. So, I was talking to your mom about keeping Radio Rebel on the q. T., and I think it's a good idea. You know? I don't want you to talk to anybody about it. Radio Rebel is the shot in the arm that Slam-FM needs. Since the last show that I produced with snazzy dog crashed and burned, there's a lot hinging on this. Right? Including my job. But, no pressure. Okay? So, your show's gonna run 7:00 P.M., Monday to Friday, since that was the time that you broadcast from your room, and you'll be taking over from... DJ Fluffy Mac! Who is moving to Sunday night. All right, so let's show you the booth. Tara? Hey! Tara! Remember me? Cami q. We met at the slam Christmas party. When rob told me you were Radio Rebel, this was my face... "Wha...?" 'Cause I thought you were just this little shy thing, but you are all kinds of amazing. You... Are fierce! I just can't wait to see what you got goin'... Tara? Are you okay? I can't speak to Gavin without freezing, how am I supposed to speak to all of Seattle? It's no different than recording in your bedroom. Yes, it is! In my bedroom, I could pretend that nobody was listening, but, right know, I know that everybody is listening, and rob's putting all this pressure on it, and my mom wants it to be my "chartreuse moment," and I don't even like chartreuse, I don't even know what chartreuse is. Tara? Come out where I can see you. Everybody gets nervous. It's totally normal. Just... Consider me like your best friend here at slam. Catch your breath. Then we'll go out together. Okay? All right. This whole booth is all for me? We call this "the live room," 'cause when that red light is on, you're live. If you wanna move around, use this headset, so we don't miss anything. There's your vocal-masking button. You already know all about that. Song selection's up to you. All right? There's, like... 20,000 songs here. You've got some time before you go on if you wanna practice, get comfortable? Practice... Great. Okay, um... Maybe I should play a song, just to make sure I know how to... No. No-no-no! Bad practice, bad practice. Don't worry about it. You'll be fine. I'm right next door, if you need me. Just pretend you're in your bedroom. You're on in 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three... You're listening to Slam-FM! This is the Radio Rebel show! This is Radio Rebel, live from Slam-FM. Moving the show from my bedroom to the slam studios was a bit terrifying, but life's all about change, right? Maybe some people just wanna label you as one thing, compartmentalize you, and walk away... But we don't have to let that stop us from becoming who we want to be... Or, like that kid with the remote-control car... to invent the first all-green rocket ship. Or the girl who gives everyone carnations on Valentine's day, just so no one feels left out... Maybe she'll grow up to be president. Guys, if we just drop the labels and the cliques... ...We have no idea what we're capable of. Okay, if you're with me on this, wear red tomorrow. It'll be like saying that, despite our differences, we're in this together. This next song... Is from "red letter day. " Ahem! Do you like my glasses? But you have freakishly good vision. Fashion shouldn't be functional. Do you know why I picked red rims? I assume you do because of your red shirt.

I can't believe all these people are wearing red just because Radio Rebel said to. How cool is that? So you did listen to Radio Rebel last night! What happened to your mystery plans? Can you guys tell us apart? You guys are fraternal, not identical. Hey... We just ran a recording of Radio Rebel's show through a voice-analysis app. We're closer than ever to uncovering her true identity. Picture it: "Local twins crack Radio Rebel's I.D." Soon, I'll be able to profess my undying love. We'll be famous. I mean, we could get a reward. Or at least our own reality TV show. ...where she and I could be married, live on TV. Tara? Since your step-dad runs slam, maybe you could help us out. Oh. I'm not allowed to go to Slam-FM while, um, she's there. To keep the mystery, uh, mysterious. The truth is, Tara doesn't have time to do friend-related things. Audrey? Audrey. Audrey! What? Forget it. I'm leaving. I'm about to tell you something so top-secret, you have to promise never to repeat it to anyone. I won't tell anyone. I swear. Hoo. You can say it. Um... Tara! You have to breathe your words. Come on, breathe the words. Breathe in! Ahem. I'm... Radio Rebel. Oh! I don't believe you. If you're like me, and believe music can change the world one track at a time, you're gonna love this track by one of my new fave bands. Wow. I can't believe she's... you! I mean... you're her! I mean, you're the last person I'd expect to be Radio Rebel, Tara. It's been driving me crazy, not telling you. And, of course, I've been wanting to hang out, but I've been doing my show. Here's the thing... you can't tell anyone, not even tell Larry and Barry, because slam wants to keep it this big secret, and so do I. Remember... Twelfth night is all about mistaken identity. Tara, your character has a crush on Gavin's character. But she's hiding from the law... or whatever... so, she's disguised as a guy, and Gavin's character doesn't know you like him. So, you're in agony. I need to see real pain. Let's do the end again! And... act! My sister likes this guy. And, by "my sister," I-I mean... My sister, not me... at all... 'Cause... look at my pants. See? I'm totally a dude. Does this guy... like her, too? That's the tragic part. She hasn't told him how she feels, so... She's not sure if he feels the same way. What's she waiting for? For him to make the first move. But, tell me... If she never confesses her love, does that make her love any less real? Okay! Some of that worked... And some of it didn't. There is a fine line between pain and constipation. Let's take five. Oh, you, uh, you dropped... Oh, thanks. Is that a demo? For the Gees? Yeah, you know, trying out a few new things. Actually, I'd love to try out some more new stuff, to be honest. - Like, I've got another song... - We're back! Let's go! Come on! Get up, get up. Come on. Go, go, go, go. Get in positions. Oh! Let's try it with Tara wa-a-a-ay over here. Yeah! Mm-hmm. Perfect! Perfect. Uh, I love it! Okay. Hold on. Tara? Did you want to say something? She's fine. Action. Tara? You listen to Radio Rebel, right? You were wearing red yesterday, so I figured. Rebel's right. Life's about taking risks. Making changes. So... Go ahead. Say what you feel. Well, it's just, this scene... It's about... Us falling for each other. Even though we don't know it yet, and, I... And blocking like this feels weird, right? Right! Exactly. Yeah, I mean... The audience is supposed to get what we're feeling from what we're not saying. It only works if we're... Closer. Yeah. Yeah. I like that better, too. Okay. We clearly need extra rehearsal. My place. Tonight at 7:00. Oh... I can't tonight. There's... Wednesday's mandatory family dinner... With my... family... Dinner. Fine. Whatever. Lunch. Tomorrow. Everybody's a director now. Good job. Okay. You people at Lincoln bay high killed it with the red yesterday. I noticed one of you wearing these red specs that were the epitome of cool. But can we talk about what's not cool, for a second? How the school keeps confiscating our stuff. I mean, I've lost two sets of headphones and an

mp3 player, although I did notice that some of us seem to be exempt from this little "stuff snatching" epidemic. Funny how that works, huh? Guys, it's not just our playlists and players we're being deprived of, you know? Music is the soundtrack to our lives. It's where we've been, and where we're going, and everywhere in between. Our music is who we are. Are we gonna let someone just snatch that away from us? Or are we... gonna change the game? Here's a new song about, uh... Trying things you never thought you could. Like, I've been trying to do a bunch of new things lately, and this song severely inspires me. So... check it out. Vibe it, really, really dig on it, and, then... remember that feeling. Tomorrow at 8:00 A.M., stop what you're doing, get up, and dance. Just express yourself! Let yourself out. This is "turn it all around" by the Gees. You're all going to get into so much trouble for this! Radio Rebel doesn't tell me when to dance! Time to take your own advice! This is a place of learning, anyone listening to Radio Rebel during school will be suspended. And, Radio Rebel, I advise you to turn yourself in now, or your future will be radio silence. Nice! Hey, Tara. Can I talk to you? Uh... Hmm! Yeah... It's about our song. We have a... we have a song? The one Radio Rebel played last night. Oh. I couldn't believe that she likes our music. Then I wondered... How'd she get our demo? Got anything you wanna confess? It's you, isn't it? It's me? It's me? You're the one. Which one, of the one of... You're the one who gave the cd to your stepdad, to give to Radio Rebel! Yes! Thank you! Yes, yes. That's the one. I'm the one. I'm the one with the... I like it, it's a great song. Thanks! But... It doesn't really feel like my voice. It's like... people are hearing me, but they're not hearing me. That sounded crazy, didn't it? No, no. Not at all. I totally get you. Uh... Well... Thanks again. Oh... Radio Rebel is amazing. She's really... She gets caught in my head, you know? It's like... I'd be able to recognize her on the street, just from how well I know her from her show. That'd be, um, something. Yeah. See you later, Tara. Bye, Gavin. You're listening to Slam-FM! That's her! I know it, I can tell! Radio Rebel is an old guy? With a beard? Ever hear of disguise, Barry? Seattle's hottest DJ... the Radio Rebel show! Did you see the posters? Did you see the posters? Hard to miss. They're everywhere! My mom just called me and said she saw me on the bus. I was like, "no, I'm at slam. " She was like, "no, no, no, you're on the bus! Of the side of it!" They're spending money on marketing for you, which means the ratings must be up. You're famous. No. I'm not. No, Radio Rebel is. Even Gavin has a thing for her. That's good. We like Gavin. Right? Yes, we do. And it was hard enough when I just had Stacy to deal with, now I'm competing with myself for his attention... And I appear to be losing. Baby, you've got fan clubs at every school in Seattle. I mean, look at all the petitions! "We want a dance break every day. " "We want more Radio Rebel. " "Don't take our music away. " Wait... I have a really good idea. Okay. This is what we're gonna do. What is going on? Well, Moreno can't complain about us disrupting class time, because it's lunch. This was your idea? Ooh! It's brill! Hello, Lincoln bay! This is cami q coming at you live! Y'all feelin' good today? Listen up, I've got a special message from our good friend... Radio Rebel! This is Radio Rebel coming at you with a little lunchtime surprise. That girl invaded our airwaves, now, a lot of you guys have im'ed and texted me about the powers-that-be taking away our music, part of ourselves is being taken away. That's not gonna make us better students, and you can't punish someone for relaxing during their down time. Right, principal Moreno? You stole our music, and I'm giving it back. Text in requests! Lunchtime is our time. You're on school property! Actually, beyond this point is city property. Did you want to see my permit? Move! Move! Move! This "radio hor-Rebel" has got to go.

It's kind of a fun dance! No, it's not. Stop that. Go vote for me for prom queen again. Go! Oh! Can I have your attention, please? I want you all to know that this lunchtime fiasco was a... Fiasco! It is time for a certain DJ's reign of Rebellion to come to an end. Anyone with any information regarding the identity of this Radio Rebel is to report it to me immediately, or risk facing disciplinary actions themselves. Now, get to class. I just want to say that I could not agree with you more. I, for one, thought that display at lunch was disgusting. "Radio dribble" should pay for pulling a stunt like that. Oh, don't worry, Stacy. Disruptions like today are temporary, but I can enforce disciplinary measures that can last forever! Like diamonds? And rice cakes? No words. You mean... You can expel Radio Rebel? Well, her actions were in direct defiance of my policies, so there will be consequences. All I can think about now is rice cakes. Sorry, guys, I was thinking. - What are you doing? - Sorry. I think we can do better than this. You know, actually say something with our music, something meaningful, relatable. I was... um, one, you don't stop in the middle of a song, man. Okay? And, two, our fans don't want a message, they want to party. You want meaningful, go write a poem. Stick with what's working, alright? The top. Since when do our fans determine what we play? It's the price of fame, my friend. One! Two! Three... Now that we've got a following, I think we can finally afford to take some risks, and express ourselves creatively... we're giving 'em what they want, alright? No more, no less. Okay? Okay. Gees for life? Sure. Gees for life. Attaboy. All right! From the top, boys. If you don't go to Lincoln bay high, you missed out on a rock-star day. I've never seen so many people dancing. So my listeners at hoover high were so inspired by what went down at Lincoln bay, they had a full-on flash-mob at lunch today. You guys totally need to post a video on my web page stat. Yeah, I heard the mathletes and the water-polo team just formed a pops/non-pops alliance club. You guys are my heroes! He said this show inspired him to stand up to his boss and get the raise he deserved. See what I mean? It's never too late to make a difference, guys. Tara! I have news! But we can't talk here. Excuse me? Could you give us a minute? But this is my office. Guess who got nominated for prom queen? Stacy? You did! Well, not you. Radio Rebel! This is horrible. The whole point of Radio Rebel is that she's anonymous, remember? What's gonna happen if she wins? Who's gonna go up there and accept the crown? I could get expelled. I have to put a stop to this. Are you crazy? You can't quit now. Not now, Mr. margowsky! But I need the broom. Audrey... I can't do this anymore. - You can. - I can't. - You can. - I can't. You can! Not now! I need the dust pan, too. Here. You're a hero to people, and that's why they nominated you. You can't turn your back on them now. This is your time to shine. What if I don't want to shine? What if shining really isn't my thing? As your b. F.F.T.L.E.W.E., I'm legally obligated to make sure you do the show. Even if I have to drag you there. Hey, Tara! We've got another demo on the way for Radio Rebel. Oh, I'm sure she's stoked to hear it. Yo, Gavin. We love you, man. Clever. Make friends with the girl whose dad runs slam. I like the way you think, bro. Her name's Tara. Who cares? She's actually really nice. Whoa, wait. You're not, like, into her, or anything, are you? 'Cause that would not be good for business. What do you mean? We have fans now. Dedicated followers. Those are the kind of people that you should be spending time with. You don't even know her. Okay. I don't need to, and neither do you. Think of the band, man! Think like a rock star! Why did we have to park so far away? Because we can't risk anyone recognizing your car, or us. Now wig me. Oh... This cardboard is inflaming my eczema. Do you have any aloe vera? Will you concentrate? Why do you always get the cool stuff? Shh-shh. Focus!

This location is compromised. Let's move. Keep it steady, keep it steady. Buh-buh-buh-buh! Binoculars! Focus, Larry! Come on! Droppin' stuff... Got 'em! Okay. Go! Get 'em. Blend in. Blend in. So, this... is where the magic happens. This is so cool! Is this the famous Audrey Sharma? Nice to meet you! Could you girls excuse us for a moment? Look, if this about Audrey being here, she's the only person I told, and I totally trust her. No, this is not about Audrey. This is about you. Principal Moreno called. The lunchtime dance party, that was a mistake. She wants to expel Radio Rebel as soon as she finds out who she is. Well, as long as she doesn't know it's me, you shouldn't have a problem. I can't take that chance, though, can I? What do you mean? I may run Slam-FM, but I'm your stepfather first. It's unfortunate, but this has gone too far. Yes, it has. Too far to stop now. Look, this is bigger than slam, or Moreno, or even me. I can't turn my back on the thousands of people who finally feel like they have a voice. And I'm not going back to the shy, invisible girl who's afraid to even speak. Look, I know that it's risky, but I'm not going to back down. You know, I think that's the most that I've ever heard Tara say at one time. You're on in two minutes. Good luck, kid. A lot of you want to know who I am. Come on, come on to mama. Maybe it'd be easier if you could see my face. But that's the thing... 'Cause it's not about me. It's about you! You don't need to know my name. You wanna know who I am? I'm somebody who's tired of being afraid. I know how it can hold you back, so, say it out loud. Just say what you're afraid of. Call in. I... dare you. I guess everyone's too afraid to say what they're afraid of. Maybe this song'll inspire you. Lines 1 through 20! You're on with Radio Rebel. One time, I accidentally swallowed a tiny piece of tinfoil, so now I'm afraid if I stand too close to the microwave, I'm afraid of getting cut from the football team. I'm afraid Larry might be losing it! I'm afraid I'll always be a single integer. I'm afraid of power outages. I'm afraid to do my own thing. I was, too. Was? So, what changed? I guess I... Started doing this show, and I realized... You're not as alone as you feel. If you can remember that, it might be a easier to take a risk. Do your own thing. Yeah. Thanks. We'll take more calls in a minute. In the meantime, you guys are gonna seriously dig this next song. Hey! Where are you going? Just... somewhere... To do... something. I'm afraid of hyenas! I'm afraid to show people the real me! Congratulations! What? Your prom queen nomination! It's on the school website. I am so excited. But what about principal Moreno? Mom, if Radio Rebel wins, and I confess my identity, I could get expelled. I don't care about principal Moreno. Honey, people nominated you for prom queen because you inspire them. You're standing up for your beliefs, and that's all I care about. I don't think I'm going to prom. Let me rephrase that... all I care about is you standing up for your beliefs and prom! You have to go! It's prom! Y... nuh! No! - Let me fin... - You have to! Uh! Yeah. Okay? You're going to prom. You're going to be excellent! Ooh! This is your principal. There's been some controversy about the identity of Radio Rebel, and there is nothing more distracting than controversy. Now, I gave her the chance to do the right thing and turn herself in, but... She chose to hide, avoiding the consequences of her insubordination. Well, she can't hide forever, which is why, until Radio Rebel's identity is revealed, I'm canceling the prom. For everyone! She can't do this! She can do whatever she wants. She's, like, the principal. Now do you think there's favoritism at Lincoln bay? Not Moreno... "Radio feeble!" She's destroying everything! Why should we have our prom taken away just so she can make a point? This is bad. This is really, really bad. Save our prom! Save our prom! Save our prom! Save our prom! Save our prom! Save our prom! Prom is a rite of passage. If Radio Rebel is really all about the people, then

she'll reveal her identity and give us our prom back! How are we gonna get in there? Who do you blame for your prom getting canceled? Oh! Look, everybody! It's Radio Rebel. Go, go, go! Go-go-go-go! Show us who you are, Radio Rebel! Who is it? I can't see! Are we live? Hi, out there in radio land. A lot's happened since we last hung out, huh? Let me know what you guys think. Call me, text me, scrawl on my wall. Don't be shy. Do you know how many dreams you've crushed by canceling prom? I agree with the last caller. I'd just gotten a date, and now it's over? This is the last time I'm listening to you. Ever! Who do you think you are? You disappointed everyone! Do you even care about anyone but yourself? Do you know how many dreams you've crushed? Dream crusher! Dream crusher! Do you know how many dreams you've crushed? You're a dream crusher! You ruined everything! Okay... You guys are being honest about how you feel. You're on, line two. I've always liked you, Radio Rebel. Your playlists truly rock, but... Go ahead. Let it out. It's just... There's a girl I was hoping to impress that night. Sorry about that. Yeah. Me too. Wow. Guess you guys are... pretty upset. Well, uh, I'll just play some music. This next song's for you, guys. Thanks for being honest with me. I'm sorry I let you down. They're just angry. They'll, uh, they'll come around. It doesn't take away from all the good things you've done as Radio Rebel. Did you hear them? They hate me. I ruined their prom. I feel horrible. You didn't ruin it, that principal did. I knew she was angry, but I didn't know she was gonna do something like this. Man, that Moreno's such a backwards-thinker. "Backwards... " That's brilliant! What? Backwards! "Backwards. " I thought everyone would be gone by now. This calls for a professional. Somebody order the "meaty subtacular?" Hello? Hi. Could you do us a favor? Sure. You want extra marinara? Aw! That would be awesome! Audrey. And... focusing. I am the hyena! You see those girls out there? We need to get out of here without any of them seeing us. You can count on me. I'm just sad the world'll be deprived of me in my prom dress. It's a strapless number, it's oh-so-chic, it's... A Turkey on rye? Hello, Seattle! Care to comment on Radio Rebel? Yes, I would! You're listening to DJ dancing-sandwich! That turntable's spinning in a funky groove. That sandwich can dance! Dance, dancing-sandwich! Whoo-ooh-Whoo! When I hear her, I've got to move! I got the groove! Would you get back down? You're blowing our cover, Larry! I can't do it, man. I think I felt a human hand. That was my hand, Larry! [Whines in Wha-ha-ha! Good morning, Lincoln bay high school! This is cami q from Slam-FM, bringing you a special message from... Radio Rebel here. Unleashed your fury about the prom drama, and I want you to know, you've totally been heard. Canceling prom was monumentally unfair, but blaming Moreno isn't gonna solve anything. I want to do something about it, and so does slam, we're giving you all what you want... your prom back! Slam-FM is throwing its first-ever "morp!" That's "prom" spelled backwards, 'cause we're turning prom upside-down. Tickets are free, and everyone is invited! So, don't worry about finding a date, on a dress and a tux and a limo. 'Cause that's the way we like you. Got you! It's just ridiculous. "Morp?" Who ever heard of a morp? That's the whole point, I think. To do something totally different. It could be great. You know, Gavin, I thought you would've been more upset about prom being canceled, considering we were going together. Well, yeah, but... We can still go to morp, right? It's not the same! I mean, no limos, no dresses? What is the point? To come as you are. What about prom king and queen? People were nominated, somebody has to be crowned! It's, like, law! Why don't you call Radio Rebel and tell her that? I'm sure she'd love to hear from her number-one fan. We need to rehearse. I'm not going to fail this assignment because you two have zero work ethic. I think we're in trouble. So, I've been getting a billion questions about

the morp, which rules, 'cause you all seem stoked to go... Which is the whole point, right? A party where everyone feels like royalty? But, then again... Maybe we should crown a morp king and queen? I mean, after all, people were nominated. Look, if that's what you guys want, that's what we'll do. Morp is all yours. For your favorite morp king and queen. Make your voices heard... Especially my number-one fan. Hi. Is Tara home? Uh, sorry, sweetie, she's not here. Hmm. I'm in her English class, we're supposed to study tonight. Do you know where she is? Afraid not. I'm just here trying this new experimental cuticle-rejuvenation technique. Do you wanna try? No. Thanks. Uh, do you know when Tara might be back? Sorry, sweetie. I don't. I'll tell her you stopped by. Tah-tah. I am so parched! What I wouldn't give for a smoothie right now. How about you, Gavin? Are you ready for a break? Sure. Tara, do you want anything? No, I'm fine. Thank you. So... Tara. I'm having a party at my place tonight... And, in the spirit of Radio Rebel, I'm inviting everyone... Even civilians like yourself. Uh, gee... Thanks, but I have plans. Really? Same plans as last night? I went by your house. I could've sworn you said Wednesday was your "mandatory family dinner night," but your mom had no idea where you were. Strange, huh? I- I was, uh... library. You were, "uh... library?" Sure you were. There's no way that you were, say, DJing a radio show at that time? No. Why would you think that? Radio Rebel mentioned her "number-one fan" last night. That's what you called me yesterday. Must be a coincid... Save it! I'm watching you, Tara. If you think that I'm Radio Rebel, why don't you just tell principal Moreno? She already thinks you're perfect. Because I need proof... And, tonight, I will get it. If you don't show up at my party tonight, we'll both know why. Why do you even care? I'll tell you why. People are going to elect her "morp queen" because they want to find out who she is. But if they already know, they'll vote for the girl who truly deserves it... Me! This little DJ act is coming to an end. Soon. You are my hero! What do you think, Gavin? Should we take it from the top? Yeah. The thing about your character... Hoo! A party during Radio Rebel's broadcast? This is brilliant. Tonight, the mystery ends. Whoever doesn't show up... Hey. Hey. Where were you just now? You're sure you weren't setting up a broadcast station from a remote satellite? You're accusing me of being Radio Rebel? I've been helping you search for her all this time, I'm a guy! Ho, ho! A perfect cover, Larry. If that is your real name. Who are you? I don't know you. Oh. We're biology partners. I've gone to school with you since the first grade. I didn't ask for your life story, but thanks for coming. Have fun. One minute till 7:00! Hmm! And who isn't here? Exactly! Hi! Here I am. Hmph. So I see. But I'm still watching you! Go downstairs and watch her. Faster! Coming to you, only on Slam-FM, Seattle's hottest DJ... It's Radio Rebel! This is Radio Rebel, coming at you live from Slam-FM. Tonight is all about you. Lines are open. You know the number. I'm calling in to the show! Don't be shy. How are you here and there? You're on with Radio Rebel! Do you know you're a hypocrite? Hi. What's your name, caller? Save it! You say you're all about the people, but morp is all about you. Now you get to lobby for "morp queen" votes on the radio every night. Not fair! The other morp queen nominees should get equal airtime. Meaning me. Play... play track 15. I totally hear you. You "hear me?" I don't think you do. Say what you wanna say. I think you're using subliminal brainwashing to get people to vote for you. So I'm gonna take this opportunity to ask the school to vote for me, Stacy, for morp queen. Play 40 next. Hi! What's your name, caller? You already asked me that. I said play 40! You said 14. Play 33. Thanks for calling. I'm not done with you! Sorry, we can't all be winners, and I'm gonna win, despite the fact that I don't have an entire radio station campaigning for me, which really

makes me the underdog. Pick up, pick up... It's Tara! Patch me into the show! Why so quiet? Does the truth hurt? Do you want to know the truth? Stop hogging the bathroom! What was that? Um... I knocked over my chair. 'Cause I wanted to get close to the mic so you could hear me clearly. Oh, I can hear you clearly! I can hear you very clearly. I can heard you so clearly, Radio Rebel, that we could be in the same building! Same building? What, are you crazy? Are you here at slam, Stacy? I don't see you. Or maybe you're hiding somewhere? I'm just a little be worried about you, Stacy. I'm afraid that if I beat you out for morp queen, your fragile ego won't be able to survive. Can you hand me my jacket? What was that? I'm sorry. What? Who was that? That was my sound guy. We just got a brand-new demo in today called "my jacket. " We could play it for you. I have a better idea. Why don't you come forward and stop hiding like a coward? Would a coward be afraid to go up against you for morp queen? 'Cause I'm not. I'll see you there, and you'll see that I'm not afraid of anything. Thanks for calling! What are you doing in my bedroom? I was trying to find the bathroom. Your house is... what are you really doing in here? Looking at your photos. I remember you used to dress like that every day in second grade. I also remember being really jealous. Of what? Everyone making fun of me? No, how confident you were being yourself. I didn't know people made fun of you. It doesn't feel so good, does it? I don't need a lesson in manners from you. Now, get out of my room! That was amazing. She was freaked out! And Gavin just smiled at you. I think it was more of a general smile. It seemed pretty specific to me. Hey! We cannot wait for this! We're the Gees, and this is "we so fly!" I can't believe there's so many non-pops in my backyard. It feels like they're multiplying. Like cockroaches... and hangers. Are you kidding me? I didn't do anything. You bumped into me. You come to my house and you spill your drink on me? This cost a fortune! It was an accident, Stacy. Audrey would never do something like that on purpose, unlike some people. Do you know what your problem is? You know what? I don't care what you think my problem is. Keep it to yourself. I need a new outfit! Kim! Let's go! We're going! Thanks for that. I love how Radio Rebel is rubbing off on you, too. She's playing us. I know it. Now you just need to prove it. Okay... you can do it. Just go over there. Hey. You guys put on a great show. Thanks. But it's all Gabe. He's a good frontman. It's not all Gabe. Trust me. You know, ever since the band took off, people assume I'm this confident guy... But... I get nervous before gigs. Like, really nervous. Yeah? Yeah. We're not so different, I guess... Is what I'm trying to say. So... how do you do it? I try to remember I'm not as alone as I feel. Radio Rebel taught me that. She's a clever one. Yeah. She is. Slacker! Come help load the van. You should... See you. Bye. Pizza delivery incoming! There's pizza for cami q! Where is studio four? Anybody here? Cami q? I'm sorry, I kind of lost my cool in there a bit. Hey, don't worry. I mean, you'll get it. Hey, I'm gonna make you a DJ in no time... "DJ mama Rebel. " Oh, I like the sound of that! I was afraid we biffed the call. We nearly did a couple of times. You gotta hand it to her. I mean, Tara was right. You really can be in two places at once. I'm just so glad she asked me to help. I sometimes think that maybe she's a little embarrassed by her crazy mom. Are you kidding? She adores you. I mean, she talks about you all the time. She does? Oh! Mascara overflow! Excuse me. Oof! Ack! Hi! Did you order the "super-duper cheesey-pleasey vegetarian beef-o-rama, hold the drama?" Great choice! I can't get enough of this sauce. Not you? Okay! Sorry! Bye. Stacy! Stacy, I got it! I got... I think we're ready. Please remember your goals. Get your "actor" energy up! Tara! Thank goodness, I found you. There have been some last-minute changes to the scene. Don't worry, you can handle it. But does Gavin know?

Gavin is the least of your worries. Wait! This is the janitor's closet. What? Stacy! Stacy! Let me out! Enjoy your "f. " Romeo? Where are you? I mean, seriously, it's freezing out here. Why can't you just stop being a montague? The capulets are way cooler. Everybody says. My father isn't really a bad guy. He just watches too many movies. Let me out! Romeo, this whole feuding thing is really annoying... Dude, ready to rock out with the drama dorks? That's funny. Have you guys seen Tara? She's late. Move on, already! Pay attention to Stacy. You're turning into a real jerk, you know that, don't you? - Me? - Yeah. You're the one who needs to get his priorities straight. Or what? You gonna kick me out of the band? Is that what you want? Is for you to drop the stupid rock-star act for five minutes, and just try... try!... To be a normal person. Okay. I am the frontman of this band. This "rock-star act" is what put us on the map. If you don't wanna be a part of that, then that's fine with us. What happened to "Gees for life"? Hmm. Yeah. Ask yourself that. Enjoy your solo career, Gavin. Thank you very much. Next up is Audrey. Just bre-ee-eathe your words. Okay. Go. Ahem-ahem. Alas... poor spork. I used him, Harry... For he was a wondrous and versatile utensil. A fork and a spoon. Come on! Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. Oh! Spork! Stacy! Have you seen Tara? No. Seriously? Oh! I have no idea where she is. I can't believe she'd do this to us. So unpro. We have to tell Mrs. brower we can't do our scene. Stacy Debane is not a quitter, and I'm not gonna fail this assignment just because Tara's a no-show. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to make an announcement. Stacy Debane will be performing in place of Tara Adams, who, apparently, couldn't be bothered to show up. Someone, let me out! Looks like it's just you and I. Thank you! Oh! See? Look at my pants. I'm a dude. What's she waiting for? I'm waiting for you to make a move. But, since you aren't going to, I'll make a move myself. Bravo! Bravo! Okay, everybody. Listen, thank you very much for all of your hard work. I appreciate it very much, especially... Oh, no. Look. He is so disappointed in you. And who can blame him? Okay, "radio drivel. " You were bad enough when you didn't talk. But trying to destroy me on your stupid radio show? Did you really think you'd get away with that? Look. You're wrong. I'm not her. If I... save it! You're not her? Then explain this... I was afraid we biffed the call. You really can be in two places at once. That doesn't prove anything. No? Then you won't mind if I email it to the whole school... And Moreno? What do you want? Morp queen. You're gonna make sure I win... Or Radio Rebel is. Tell everyone on your show to vote for me. And if you say anything about this little private moment, I'll tell everyone who you really are. Okay... I had a bad day. Kind of shook me up. It made me wonder... Am I doing the right thing? I mean, is it... is it worth it if I get expelled? Or if it messes things up with the guy I like? I don't know. What I do know is that there will be people out there who try and take things away from us, things bigger than prom... And we can just sit back and watch it happen, or we can stand up for ourselves. I mean, we all deserve to dance to our own playlists, no matter what Moreno or anyone else has to say about it. Oh. One more thing. Um... I know a lot of you guys want to vote me queen to find out who I am. I don't need that crown. But... Stacy Debane? She kind of really does. Just keep that in mind when you vote. There you are! I've been dying to show you this bow-tie I found for you to wear to the morp. It perfectly matches my dress. How cute is that? Stacy. What? I know what you did to Tara. What are you talking about? The closet. Don't bother denying it. I have a witness. What did Tara ever do to you? You don't know her, Gavin. She's not who you think she is. She's... no, Stacy. You're not who I thought you were. I can't go to morp with you. I'm sorry. But we're gonna be king and queen! I don't wanna be

king. I never did. Where's Tara? Where's Radio Rebel? Oh! My true love shall be revealed. How do I look? Uh, a little green. Could be the lighting... Or something worse. We're standing in a microbial hotspot right now. Whoa. - Hey. - Hey. You look amazing. Why, thank you! Have you seen Gavin? I- I really should talk to him. - Wait! What are you gonna say? - I don't know. - You mean you haven't...? - Not yet. - You know you need to. - I know! Are we missing something? Conference. Now. I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out. Just... breathe. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're beautiful. You're a queen, no matter what happens. Good evening, Seattle! You ready to find out who your morp queen is? It's time to see who's been crowned from Lincoln bay high. Yeah! We had two nominations for morp king, but one dropped out. So that leaves... Gabe leviolet! I'd like to invite your morp court princesses to join me onstage. Whoo! Don't be nervous. That's, like, the worst thing to say to a nervous person, Kim. I know. You're welcome. Let's hear it for Stacy Debane! And... Radio Rebel! Radio Rebel? Are you out there? Well, I guess we'll continue. Your morp queen is... Radio Rebel! We love you, Radio Rebel! Since she isn't here to accept her crown, maybe it should go to the person with the second-most votes? Most of you don't know me. I'm the girl who sits in the back of class, who never raises her hand, who's so afraid of saying the wrong thing, she says nothing instead. The old me would've frozen in front of a crowd like this... ...but something happened. Suddenly, the real stuff we were dealing with at school became more important than my fears. Look, I wasn't sure I was gonna do this tonight, but I need to be true to myself... So, here goes... I'm Radio Rebel. Thank you for an enlightening evening. And now that I know who Radio Rebel is... ...she is definitely getting expelled. Enjoy your morp, Tara! Oh! And don't bother coming to school on Monday. I'm Radio Rebel! No! I'm Radio Rebel. No! I'm Radio Rebel. Whoo! I'm Radio Rebel! No, I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! You can't expel everyone, can you? I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I'm Radio Rebel! I believe this... belongs to you. I mean, I guess since we're all Radio Rebel, this crown belongs to all of us. So, congratulations, kings and queens. But there is one person who has been dreaming about this crown for her entire life. Although, I'm not quite sure if I heard her say she's Radio Rebel...? I'm Radio Rebel. I'm so Radio Rebel! Well, then... Why are you being so nice to me, when I've always been nothing but mean to you? Look at you right now, Stacy. That dress? The crown? You are 100% you right now, and that's all Radio Rebel could ask of anyone... You are yourself, and you've never been more beautiful. Everyone! Please give it up for Lincoln bay's very own... Gavin Morgan! There's a girl I've liked for a while now. She's the kind of girl who's not afraid to ask a dancing sandwich for some help. She inspired this song. This song's for her. Hi. Hey. I don't know what's more amazing... That song, or... The fact that you're Turkey on rye? Why didn't you tell anyone I was Radio Rebel? You wanted to keep it a secret. I respected that. Thank you. You know, you really know how to dance... For a sandwich. Oh. Will you go to morp with me? Yes. So... Should I call you “Tara” or “Radio Rebel?” You can call me either. They’re both me.

[hellfirenacht]

Can't Be Unseen Chapter 1

Fandom: Sally Face

Pairing: Sal x Reader

Summary: Flirting is fun, but flirting with Sal Fisher is the most fun of all. 

Ao3

It wasn’t exactly a secret that you were a huge flirt; everyone in your friend group got a taste of it, no matter their gender or sexuality. Larry gets a new shirt? Double pistols and a wink. Todd comes to school wearing contacts? Compliment him on his eye color as he rolls his eyes and reminds you that he’s gay. Ash tries out some new makeup look? She’s once again made a masterpiece of her flawless canvas of a face. 

Flirting was almost second nature to you, but there was one boy whom you liked flirting with the most; your friend Sal “Sally Face” Fisher. You could hardly help yourself around him. Something about his cute short stature, blue pigtails, kind attitude, and sweet guitar skills had you swooning. He was almost like a porcelain doll, though his prosthetic was actually made out of a more sturdy plastic. 

Still though, you never missed a chance to compliment him or flirt with him or even just talk with him. You had known him for 2 years and in that time he’d become someone who you’d felt totally comfortable and happy with. Developing a crush on the boy wasn’t exactly in your plans, but it happened anyway. Despite his obvious feelings for Ashley, you were content just spending time with him. Besides, covering up your crush with the endless flirting made it much more easy. 

It was early September when you two were walking home together with Larry. The crisp fall air wasn’t too cold yet, but comfortable enough for flannel and t-shirt combinations. 

“So Ashley’s seeing someone from another school now, huh?” Larry said, looking over at Sal. 

“Yeah, she seems really nice.” Sal said, “I hope we get to meet her sometime.”

“Aren’t you bummed though?” Larry replied. “I mean, I know you liked her and all.”

“That was last year.” Sal shrugged. “I still think she’s pretty, but I don’t think I’ve liked her like that for a while now. I’m happy that we’re friends, that’s all.“ 

You couldn’t help but look up from your phone that you’d been distracted by to listen in on their conversation. Sal didn’t like Ash anymore? Why was this news to you? 

"You’re a mature dude, Sally Face.” Larry nodded as all three of you wandered down into the basement of Addison Apartments. 

It had become a habit by this point- come home from school, go to the basement to do homework, listen to music and hang out, then go home. You all had tried to do homework while listening to music, but it turned out to be more of a distraction than a help. Larry would end up on a tangent about the song, Sal would be listening while his hands would start faking an air guitar, and you just couldn’t handle that much noise when trying to study. 

As you all settled into Larry’s room, a small beeping sound emitted from Sal’s bag. His phone’s alarm went off, reminding him to take some of his many medications. 

“Be right back!” he said, scurrying into the bathroom. You and Larry both had assumed a while ago that some of the medicine involved taking off his face. Though you had both seen it- well you had captured a split second glance on accident once- it was agreed upon that you give him privacy when it came to his face. 

You looked over at Larry who was digging through his bag, pulling out loose pieces of paper, trying to figure out which ones he needed to start his homework. 

“Dude, just get a binder. Or a folder!” you said, watching him. “Hell, I’ll give you one of mine. Your school organization is seriously stressing me out." 

"It’s fine, it’s fine.” Larry replied, as you heard a paper rip. “Woops." 

"Was that the math worksheet?" 

"I think so?” he handed over the paper to you. 

“Larry, this was last week’s homework! We even did this one together!”

“Hahaha, good thing they didn’t check it." 

"They did.”

“Oh… shit.”

You looked over at the bathroom door for a sec, hesitating a moment and lowered your voice. “I think I’m gonna ask him on a date.” you said, pulling out your own homework. 

“Who? Sally Face?” Larry asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“No, your mom. I’m gonna date your mom and you will be my new step-son.” You replied dead-pan, but then smirked. “Then we can add to the ever growing list of the not-related category on porn hub.”

Larry laughed. “If that wasn’t so messed up I’d almost be down. But seriously, you finally gonna do it?”

You nodded. “I’ve been thinking about this seriously ever since he admitted that he doesn’t like Ash anymore.”

“So, fifteen minutes.”

“Yes.”

“Good luck. I don’t think he’s ever been on a date in his life." 

"Then I’ll just have to make it special. If he agrees that is.” you shrugged. 

“If who agrees to what?” Sal asked, walking out of the bathroom. 

“I’m asking Lisa on a date.” you replied back quickly. “Gonna sweep that sweet lady off her feet, then Larry’s gonna have to call me ‘mommy’ too." 

Sal laughed, "Good luck with that. She’s been spending a lot of time with my dad lately, I think they’re going on a date this week.”

“Is that all that’s standing in my way? Then I’ll just have to date your dad too. Then you’ll both have to call me ‘mommy’." 

"Whatever you say.” Sal laughed, plopping down next to Larry. 

…

Despite it all though, it took you at least a month to work up the nerve to actually ask Sal out. Deciding that you wanted to was easy, but planning a date was becoming a little more difficult than you anticipated. You were sure he’d be happy with anything that you took him to do- but this was if he agreed to the date in the first place. 

Larry suggested taking him to the Sanity Falls concert that was coming up, but you declined that. Sanity Falls was very much Larry and Sals’ thing- not something that you’d ever want to take away from them. Plus, if you were being honest- Sanity Falls and heavy metal wasn’t fully your thing either. Sure you knew more about that band than anything else, but that was because of all the time you spent around the boys. 

In any case, a concert in general didn’t seem like the best idea for a first date. You’d have to get the tickets in advance and even with your part-time job, that was still a bit of money for an evening where you couldn’t even talk to him. You already had a bit of a job listening to his slightly muffled voice, you didn’t want to put loud music and screaming teens on top of that. 

You found a similar dilemma with dinner and a movie. It seemed too cliche, really, and not that personal. Besides, you all had done that a million times before. You weren’t just getting to know Sal at this point- you wanted to woo him! You wanted to make him feel special! You also wanted your feelings to reach him. 

The mall was a no-go. Sal didn’t really like shopping that much, and he usually got harassed by mall security for “wearing a mask”. 

It was too cold for the water park.

Walking around town just seemed like you hadn’t tried at all to plan anything. 

Nothing was coming together at all. 

You groaned and scribbled out what you were working on in art class for the tenth time. Your hands were covered in charcoal, and it was getting everywhere at this point. 

“What’s wrong?” Ash asked, next to you. “That one wasn’t so bad.”

“It’s not the assignment.” you admitted. “I… okay so I’m gonna just tell you. I wanna ask Sally on a date but I have no idea where to take him assuming that he’ll agree." 

"You like Sally?” She asked, a bit surprised. You nodded. “Oh, that does make sense. I thought you flirted with him a bit more than anyone else." 

"He’s sweet.” you said, looking down at your paper again, flipping to a clean page and scribbling to give you something to look at. “And he’s more kind than anyone I’ve met. He talked to Travis once and since then he’s stopped using those words. He’s… got this quiet confidence you know? He turned a cruel nickname into something he wore with pride. He stands up for himself. Sal… even with his self-esteem issues with his face, he… how do I put this? We’re all afraid of rejection, he is too. But he also knows that if someone rejects him, then that’s not the end of it. He always gives people a chance to actually know him. He’s stronger and more brave than anyone else I know.”

“Wow, you’re serious about this, huh?” Ashley said approvingly. 

“Plus did you see his butt when he was wearing that dress at the last Homecoming dance?” you asked, doodling said butt. 

Ashley laughed. “He did look great.” she agreed. 

“I just don’t know what to do.” you admitted. “I like Sal, I really really like him and I want him to give me a chance. To see me as more than just a flirt, you know? But if I can’t even think of a good date to take him on…" 

"He’d love whatever you plan.” Ash replied. “But I understand what you mean. Do you have any ideas at all?" 

You handed over the list, complete with commentary from you and Larry in the margins about why it wouldn’t work or was too expensive, or too not-Sal or too not-you. 

"Prom’s out?” she asked. 

“Prom’s next spring.” you explained. “I mean, I know there’s no time limit on asking him out, but that’s a bit far off. Also just feels like too much for a first date, you know?" 

She nodded and continued down the list. "Yeah, I see what you mean.” she said. “You need something that you can do together that doesn’t lean more towards one person’s interest, that still gives you a chance to talk and get to know each other, and that isn’t super expensive." 

"First dates are stupid if you already know someone.” you grumble. 

“…Oh! I have an idea!” Ashley suddenly grabbed a paper towel in an attempt to wipe off the charcoal on her hands. I got this flier in the mail the other day, I think this would work perfectly!“

You took the flier from her hands carefully as to not make a mess of it. "Fall Festival…?” you read. “Ash, this is perfect!" 

"It’s every weekend until mid-November.” she said, pointing. “Plus there’s a Halloween weekend as well! I think that he’d really like that." 

"Ash, have I mentioned that you are the most amazing and beautiful person I’ve ever met?” you asked. She just laughed. 

“Save it for Sal.”

…

“So you really gonna do it today?” Larry asked, leaning next to your locker. “I’m gonna miss your constant flirting when you and Sally Face get married.”

You snorted. “It’s okay, you can still call me 'mommy’ if you want, but you’ll have to call Sal 'daddy’.”

“Thanks, I hate it."Larry laughed. "Besides, he’s basically like my brother. He can’t be my brother and my dad at the same time.”

“Not with that attitude!” You closed your locker and pulled your backpack over your shoulders. 

“But seriously,” Larry said. “I hope it works out for you. I think you two would be good for each other.”

“Thanks.” you said quietly. “I’m honestly really nervous but I know that even if he says no today, he’ll still be my friend.”

“That’s just the kind of guy he is.” Larry agreed. “And for what it’s worth, he thinks your pretty.”

“…What?” you snapped your head to look at his shit-eating grin. 

“Oh yeah, I may have done some slight digging and wing-manning for you. Got him to tell me some things.”

“What things?!” you demanded. “Tell me everything word for word exactly what he said." 

"I’d love to, but he’s right behind you and as I recall you’ve got an important question to ask him." 

You whipped around behind you and saw the tell-tale pigtails bobbing along down the hall towards the two of you. 

"Larry, I’m gonna kill you one day.”

“You’re welcome." 

"Hey guys.” Sal said as he finally approached you two. “Ready to head home?" 

"Actually, I gotta go pick up some stuff for my mom today.” Larry said casually, lying through his teeth. 

“Oh, well we can come along and help out if you want.” Sal replied, but Larry shook his head. 

“No worries, I got it. You two go on ahead and we’ll catch up later, mk?" 

"Alright then.” Sal nodded, turning to you. “So are you ready?”

You smiled down at him, at 5'2 he was a good 4 inches shorter than you, but it hardly mattered. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” you replied. 

The late-October sky was a bit dark and gloomy with the threat of rain. You zipped up your jacket and hugged yourself for warmth as the wind blew around you. You were starting to regret choosing to look cute over warm today. 

It was quieter walking with Sal without Larry there, but not uncomfortably so. Sal could be both chatty and quiet and it suited him either way. Though normally you wouldn’t mind the quiet, you needed to think of some sort of topic that you could use to segue into asking him out. 

“It’s too damn cold.” you said, blurting out the first thing that came into your mind. 

“It’s only 58 degrees.” Sal replied. 

“Yes, that’s borderline freezing where I’m from." 

"I can keep warm perfectly fine.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re so hot.” you replied with a wink. That was better, now you were starting to find your groove. 

The boy let out a small laugh beside you. “It’s the prosthetic, isn’t it? Girls love the look on Halloween.”

“Mike Meyers chic is very sexy.” you agreed. “Jason’s got nothing on you." 

"Except maybe a foot and a half.” he admitted. 

“Speaking of Halloween.” You said, bracing yourself. “There’s a fall festival coming up this weekend. Actually it’s been going on since last weekend but it’s still happening this weekend.” Shit, you were starting to ramble a bit. You took a deep breath to keep your cool. 

“Yeah? That sounds like it could be fun.”

You stopped walking and turned to him and gave him your trademark smirk to hide your nerves. “Then go on a date with me tomorrow. I’d love to go with you." 

The two seconds it took for Sal to answer felt like an eternity. Everything seemed to slow down as he stopped walking and glanced up at you. 

"Uh, sure!” He replied and you could hear it in his voice that he was smiling at you. Your heart seemed to stop for a moment at his words, and for a second you almost faltered and looked surprised. 

“Awesome!” you replied. “Okay, so meet me at 1 in front of the apartments, mk? I’m gonna show you a great time!" 

…

BlankFace: HE SAID YES! 

You texted Ashley excitedly. You managed to keep calm and collected until you made your way back home, but you immediately jumped on the bed and started giggling like mad. After all that planning, you had not only managed to ask out your crush, but you had managed to plan an amazing date as well. 

AshleyFace: Aww, that’s great! I hope you two have fun!

BlankFace: And also get this, Larry said that he thinks I’m pretty apperenly??

AshleyFace: Well yeah, you are. 

BlankFace: Well I know that but I didn’t think Sal did! 

You couldn’t stop smiling to yourself. In less than 24 hours you’d be on your first date with Sally Face. With Ashley’s help, you had already picked out what you were going to wear and how you were gonna do your make up. In fact, you didn’t really have anything to do except wait. You sat up and grabbed your laptop again, pulling up the page for the festival for the hundredth time. Yup, it was still the same schedule, no changes in the weather reports, and no cancellations. 

You kinda regretted being too prepared. 

Behind you, your phone buzzed, and buzzed…. and buzzed. Your group chat seemed to be exploding. 

SallyFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo Minus the Dog

LarryFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo but Good

BlankFace: You take that back, Larry. Scooby Doo is the shit. 

BlankFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo Appreciation Fan Club

SallyFace changed the name of the group to No Dogs Allowed

LarryFace: Oops. 

BlankFace. oh shit sorry dude

SallyFace: It’s okay!

LarryFace changed the name of the group to The Putting Your Foot In Your Mouth Club

AshleyFace changed the name of the group to Bologna Fan Club

Everyone in the group chat is typing…

Next Chapter

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Finished s2 ep2 again.

Some random thoughts as the episode progressed:

Pete: I’ve been thinking, and I don’t wanna die.*chokes*

Well. I’m upset again, but what else is new?

Promising to take care of Nick is so sad because we all know how he ends up and it’s completely out of our control. I’m going to fail you, Pete, and I hate it. 

“Clementine, can you please watch Sarah?”

Okay, Carlos, but only if you promise to lock that door behind you.

ALSO didn’t you literally tell me NOT to talk to her last episode?? 

Oh boy, I get to show Sarah how to use a gun! Can’t wait to see what comes of this choice, right? ...Oh wait. Nothing comes of it. It’s pointless. Sarah doesn’t hold another gun ever again. 

“Hey! Luke’s back!” 

S’NOT HIM!

CARLOS I ASKED YOU TO LOCK THE DOOR-

Oh hai Carver, ya raspy prick

Rebecca does this total 180 overnight and now she’s trying to be my best friend, which is fine. I probably should get along with AJ’s mom, but still. Pregnancy hormones, I guess?

And, to be fair, I like Rebecca as a character after you get through episode one where she’s all snarky and trying to kick Clem out.

The scene where they find Pete’s body and you can see Luke pulling Nick into a hug is so touching, and Luke pulling Nick away because they have to move and there’s nothing else they can do for Pete except move on just shows that these two really cared about each other and it only adds to the fuels of annoyance I get knowing that Luke barely reacts to Nick’s death in the future.

Nick... 😟😟😟

“I don’t like this.”

“Yeah, well, when’s the last time you liked anything, Carlos?”

Pfffft... the way Luke says it is just  😆

Big Brother Luke is my favorite thing in this game and it kills me

Nick... I know you’re still grieving and all but can you not-

Aaaaaand Matthew’s dead. I’m sure that won’t come up anytime soon...

Seriously, though, this scene is so conflicting for me because I like Nick but this was so stupid and could’ve easily been avoided. I probably would’ve been more forgiving of it if Nick survived longer to atone for this mistake rather than dying the way he did. 

My dumb thievery has paid off! 

“It’ll be like climbin’ a treehouse.”

“I had a treehouse once.”

“Well, there ya go.

“I hated it.”

“Oh.”

Clem, tone down the prepubescent angst, would’ja?

Oh hai Kenny

Look at that glorious beard

So, I’m curious about Kenny this season. As I mentioned in my previous posts replaying s1, I always had a tough time with Kenny every time I’ve played because I helped Lilly in the meat locker, but this time around I helped kill Larry. I’m still dumbfounded at how chill Kenny was after that, so I’m interested to see if it has a small effect on him throughout this season. I mean, I doubt it’ll be anything too big because I’m playing as Clementine rather than Lee. Still, I usually dislike Kenny more in this season rather than s1 so... we’ll see. 

Oh, huh. Kenny’s response about Lee when talking to Clem is different.

“For some reason, I tried to save that fuckin’ shitbird, Ben...”

HEY I think we’ve all shit on Ben enough thank you Kenny...

Oh hai Katjaa-Replacement

Beans and peaches... together? But- but-

“I love you, silly-bear.”

“I hate when you call me that.”

“I know.”

Aw...

I know I should probably sit with Kenny... but Big Brother Luke is giving me those puppy eyes...

I sat with Luke and now Kenny and his beard are sad. 

“Luke and Nick. You two sure look like a match.” What’cha implying there, Kenny? Nick and his hat don’t like that. 

Vanilla Ice 😂😂😂

Kenny be nice to Luke, I’ve adopted him as my big brother. Can’t you be chill like you were previously, or do I gotta help you kill someone first?

“They say the world is over, but I’ll tell you a secret: It’s not.” 

In a lotta ways, he’s right, y’know. 

Bonnie ya fuckin’ liar piss off-

Y’know, I play through these games with a very “honesty is key” attitude, but I don’t know if it ever really does anything big in the end. I showed Lee’s bite and everyone came with me to look for Clem, and in the end it didn’t matter. I was honest with Nick and Walter but they’re both gonna end up dead anyway. I’m trying to think back and remember if there’s ever a time throughout the whole series where telling the truth either really benefits you or really fucks you over and I can’t think of one...

Kenny’s voice acting has really improved this season compared to s1. Not that it was bad in s1, it’s just better here I think. 

I’m sorry, I had to pause the game because I’m cackling too hard. We’re turning the windmill off and Carlos is like “I don’t know how to turn this off!” and Clem’s all “I can do it!” AND THERE’S LITERALLY A KEY RIGHT THERE TO TURN THE DAMN THING OFF Y’ALL COULDN’T FIGURE THAT OUT???

Uuuuuuuugh

Carver

Walter is a great example to show the difference between being kind and being stupidly generous and naive. If he hadn’t been so quick to believe Bonnie and send her off with food, this maybe could’ve been avoided. If they had taken Bonnie inside so that the others would see and know who she was, we could’ve escaped and no one else would’ve had to die. 

Oh shit, I totally forgot about the whole thing about Alvin and George. Can’t remember if we learn anything more about that, like if Alvin really did murder him or not. 

Again, another solid episode that I always enjoy. 

I believe it’s next episode that it starts to fall downhill a little if memory serves right. BUT, it’s also the episode where Carver dies, which is both a good and bad thing

Wow, only 35% of people sat with Luke? But those puppy eyes tho...

[starchildrenofdustand-ashes]

My Spongebob Squarepants Experience!

I saw spongebob 8/11/18 with the OBC except Christina Sajous as Sandy and Catherine Ricofort was Karen . (This has been sitting in my drafts I totally forgot to publish it oops) I sat in the fifth row of the first mezzanine. These are just some things that happened on stage that I liked :)

🍍This was probably the best turn off your cellphone notice (besides once on this island ofc)

🍍On the middle of the stage there is a mini construction of their houses they lift it up and the screen behind them is transformed into a pineapple

🍍They flip the model over revealing ethan who is sleeping he is shaken awake by his alarm

🍍 Gary is on a skateboard bless

🍍He brushes Gary’s eyeball and not is teeth

🍍Spongebob actually named all the things that rhyme with rock for Patrick and one of them was “pop and lock” —- Hello strobes

🍍 When they introduce sandy a projection of a squirrel with a cowboy hat appears

🍍After sandy sings her part in bikini bottom day they hear their first tremor

Spongebob says he likes the tremor lol

🍍Plankton is sitting in a chum bucket lol.

🍍Wesley has a tiny plankton puppet in his hand and in his other hand he has a telescope that puppet plankton is looking through.

🍍Karen puts a magnifying glass over plankton

🍍Patrick and sandy actually come into the mezz during the dialogue in this song

🍍Spongebob actually puts his hand on the grill when he’s talking to squidward and squidward is like YOUR HAND and spongebob is like oh! And he takes his spatula and flips his head

🍍ALEX GIBSON WAS PERCH (I love Alex Gibson sm, because the TGC and he was literally the SWEETEST at the spongebob/ comet stage door)

🍍 Sandy has a whiteboard and a stick as she explains what’s gonna happen

🍍Ethan slater did a crazy split during the end of No Control

🍍During BFF spongebob actually pulls out a piece of cheese from behind Patrick’s couch.

🍍they have a LoT of fun with that sofa lol.

🍍 The words bff come on stage

🍍It takes Karen a while to give Plankton a beat he actually likes and when she does , When the Going gets Tough happens.

🍍 Karen bets plankton that he can’t rap lol

🍍Wesley killed it I love him wow

🍍 I was sooo surprised by the speed rap GUNS AND SHIPS WHAT??

🍍Wesley actually puts a lil plankton on his foot after his giant dance

🍍I LoVE subtle shots at the government

🍍 Tentacle Spectacle the Musical lol I love squidward

🍍when mr krabs calls spongebob a simple sponge he keeps whisper/echos sponge as he slowly sinks off stage

🍍 There are glow in the dark sponges around spongbob as he sings not a simple sponge

🍍when mr krabs comes back and says just a simple sponge the sponges leave the stage. They all come back when he starts singing again at the climax

🍍Perch tells everyone that the apocalypse is today and they all freak out but then he says he misread it and the day to tomorrow

🍍Mrs. Puff plans to drink herself into oblivion with kelp juice before the apocalypse and then she says Carpe Diem and her barista yells ‘who are you calling a carp”

🍍old man Jenkins is kinda horrible lol. He just wants someone to blame and they decide to blame sandy

🍍Pearl comes on stage with two dresses and Krabs takes them from her and hands them to spongebob who puts one around his neck so it looks like he’s wearing it he’s so cute

🍍I wanna know how krabs costume works bc he’s picking stuff up so those claws no way he could

🍍 Jai’Len what the fuck yes I need a recording with her the fuck

🍍when pearl says he has dollars in his eyes he puts the money bags in front of his face

🍍she pulls these things out of her pockets and when she cries she puts them to her face and tears squeeze out

🍍Spongebob comforts Pearl as she’s crying

🍍”oh karen as I look into your screen I can feel the very earth quake”

🍍the bolder that first falls is actually a rubber ball and it comes down this contraption stage right

🍍When Spongebob goes to get Patrick he finds him on the sofa with his navel scratcher

🍍””Life smells weird””

🍍sandy runs across stage trying to get away from the angry mob who’s looking for her with pitchforks

🍍 There is a sign that says “LAND MAMELS GO HOME” and it’s spray painted and sandy gets rlly discouraged Sandy :(

🍍 Sandy has got some sick pink nunchaku

🍍She packs up her stuff and Patbob Spongerick convinces her not to go and Hero is my Middle Name happens

🍍The whiteboard is back and so is the stick and planning YES SANDY

🍍ETHAN SLATER AND BACKFLIPS YES

🍍 Squidward loves his mama and he says “I’m a pretty squid mama”

🍍 RHOMBUS SLACKS

🍍Karen and Plankton share a moment over spongebob while he is frozen and Karen’s screen has a fire on it (whenever Karen and plankton are on stage everything freezes as they scheme)

🍍The Sardines (?) come up to Patrick and sing their bopping song

🍍They actually bake Patrick a cake

🍍They have church fans with Patrick’s face on it

🍍They give Patrick a robe and a crown

🍍SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HAVE THE SADDEST/ CUTEST ARGUMENT NOOOO I WAS SO SAD

🍍The next boulders fall from the contraption stage right but this time there are a lOT of tiny bolders

🍍ITS TIME FOR YOUR LAST INTERMISSION EVER

🍍hello patchy

🍍security comes and forces Patchy and the other pirates off stage again lol

🍍Spongbob said he had a nightmare that he and Patrick weren’t friends anymore AHHH I WAS SO SAD BC HE WAS LIKE NOOOOOOOOO and they had the voice that says “1 hour later” and the lights would blink out and it eventually gets to fifteen years later and he has a white beard lol.

🍍let’s just clap for the conductor bc she literally hands and takes a ton of props from the actors

🍍The government is getting worse and the mayor says “you’re either with me or against me”

🍍Armageddon rich Lol

🍍They’ve got a cool box that glows when it opens with Sandy’s invention in it

🍍they should just give plankton and Karen another song

🍍the electric skates are on skateboards and skates

🍍idek if it was supposed to happen but one of them (green Hair dude) fell off his board when he was doing a cool stunt thing 😬

🍍Squidward has tissue in his ears while they’re singing

🍍red head dude just shouts “rOCk and rOlL”

🍍these bitches give poor squidward the most ridicilous list and they told him if he got it all he would be able to open for them THEY DONT EVEN HOLD UP THEIR END OF THE DEAL UGHH

🍍Chop to the top was lit. Also Ethan is like a rubber band he just twists and sings upside down and stretches

🍍Patrick gets a thrown and these sardines are worshipping

🍍IiiIiiIieeeieiii GUESS I MISS YOUuuUuUu

🍍”Sheldon sounds so small. Maybe you could call me something else like...... big guy?” “big guy??” “YES BIG GUY SAY IT AGAIN” “big guy” “ahh” “BIG GUY” *strange sexual noise, jumps into planktons arms, they make out and hearts appear in the background*

🍍LET MY BABY SING HIS TENTACLE SPECTACLE

🍍HES NOT A LOSER

🍍shook is the wrong word to describe how I felt when Gavin lee started rap dancing with four legs WTF. I wish they performed something else at the tony awards but WOWOW HES SO GOOD

🍍Perch Shows the rubble that is bikini bottom on the news

🍍the mayor makes me want to poke my eyes out

🍍Another bolder falls, Larry goes crazy and old man Jenkins gets flattened

🍍As they narrate spongbob and sandy climbing the mounts they use cabbage patch kinda lol

🍍Patrick comes in on the ceiling, flying bc of Sandy’s jet pack

🍍I love spongbob and Patrick I need a best friend like that “WE ARE BACK AND THIS IS THE BACK DANCE”

🍍the volcano is made of ladders

🍍SPONGEBOB BRINGS MANAGEMENT TO THE TEAM HES MANAGER MATERIAL

🍍so many turns and twists ETHAN SINGS UPSIDEDOWN

🍍ofC SPONGEBOB IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIX IT AND HE DOES YOURE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

🍍it’s complete chaos when they all get back down from the mountain

🍍the mayor and the press (perch) hate each other and perch is tied up and ballgagged Lol

🍍ITS THE BEST DAY EVER

🍍they’re all holding hands waiting for the end and then bubbles fall bc sandy is a success bby squirrel

🍍plankton reveals that this was an evil schemes

🍍plankton and krabs are arguing and their curses are blocked out by dolphin squeals

🍍Spongebob gets his uke from the conductor and he screams are you ready to rock and he does an air split thing and starts playing bikini bottom day sps track l

🍍Audience is sprayed with confetti and other fun stuff and then they throw out beach balls and sing the theme song. It’s such a fun show I wish a lot more people would give it a show. If I’m being honest I enjoyed it much more than I enjoyed Hamilton when I saw it in chi.

[weedlascl]

Rihanna rehab justin timberlake video

Either way, even if she DIDN’T write her own material, who gives a s***?! She’s a pop artist, not a rapper, stupid Larry, once again, check your facts. Check you facts before you run your mouth and look stupid. Stop right there! She wrote on both her first and second album and will be writing on her fourth. OH! She’s not talented because she doesn’t write her own music. I’m sick of other ‘talentless’ people calling people who do have talent ‘talentless.’ You don’t have the f****** right. Why’d you deleted my comment Sammie? F**! Beyonce is a puppet in her own career, no matter how many albums she sells. Justin Timberlake’s a douchebag, no matter how many albums he sells. Rihanna sucks ass, no matter how many albums she sells. Stans, haters, stop being so a*** and overprotective about people who don’t even know you’re alive. Beyonce can sing well (when she controls her voice), but she can be just as annoyingly overexposed as Rihanna can.įacts are facts. Rihanna’s really pretty sometimes, but cannot, I repeat, CANNOT sing for S***. People are f****** lemmings, following each other off a cliff. If anything, Rihanna’s popularity speaks to the overall idiocy/gullibility of the world population, and I stand by that statement. If they see a cash cow, they will milk it dry however they can. The music industry is in charge of a lot more than you think. But Rihanna has the Midas touch with her singles usually, so who knows.īeyonce outsings and outperforms Rihanna all day everyday, but Rihanna outsold her, even by just a little, internationally. Rehab is stale, it’s been out a year now. She doesn’t dance or sing well, but she sure looks good in her clothes. All of them waver between terrible and average at singing, but any of them can outperform Rihanna anyday. GTFO here comparing Rihanna to Madonna Britney Janet or even Ciara. Kelly Rowland (Does well in Europe but not in US)Īm i missin any1 (JJ is Legend but no hits for YEARS) MJB:(Borderline as no massive hit since “no more drama” although Just Fine did well in London) Leona Lewis (Vocally yes, yes, yes! Performance not that kind of Artist) REALITY CHECK: Who else is up there worldwide status with these three?. I’m not tryin 2make this a black/white thing but in this day and time i’m soo glad that ladies like Rihanna can support Beyonce and Alicia Keys in the mix of competing with these other ladies… Performing wise Ri is still young and perfecting her sound and craft so i think she shouldn’t get such abuse from people not that much in2 her. Performance wise unfortunately she bottom of the pile BUT she better than when i first saw her so gettin bit closer…īritney and Madonna get huge props for just being them with those HORRID live vocals and Rihanna just gets a baggering, i don’t understand? Is Rihanna not allowed to be mixing it with these white chicks, when they sound worse? I’ma say this Vocally out of all these heavy weight chart artist Rihanna is NOT the worse TRUST ME(4th Best). I’m from uk and used to work in Wembley area and 02 area i’ve seen Madonna, Britney, Beyonce, Rihanna, X-tina, Pink and Janet Jackson(seen loads others but these are used for the point i’m about to make) Love this song Rehab and glad Rihanna/Label is releasing this. Wow some good points from bloggers in here(well a few lol) This is not a message to big up Beyonce and put down Rihanna i jus stating there is NO POINT comparing these two successful black women for OBVIOUS reasons. Like another blogger said i will defo give respect to Rihanna for her worldwide success and growth overall and i hope she continues 2b that way its just personally not my taste/flavour If you gonna watch a show live on tour or whatever almost every1 gonna wanna see Bee as she a monster on stage and really performs and sings well live.(Comparison?) Their style, music, direction and abilities(writing, production) are TOTALLY different (Worth comparing?) OBVIOUSLY!!!!!! Beyonce is the better singer and performer(doesn’t take much to know that), however there’s no denying Rihanna has found her niche and gettin great success as a few bloggers have stated. LISTEN they both successful and the Jay-Z connections thats where the similarities stop. Why are there still comparisons between Ri and Beeĭoes every single female have to be compared to Bee? Its chorus is sung in an emotionally melancholy style using lyrics that address the bad memories of an ex-boyfriend that is metaphorically seen as a disease.OMG is most people on the blog transparent and OLD? "Rehab" features background vocals from Timberlake in the song's middle 8. " Rehab" is a song by Barbadian recording artist Rihanna, released as the final single from her third studio album Good Girl Gone Bad.

[themonkeycabal]

Hi MC! I hope you're doing ok and that good things are happening in your life! :)

Hi! Thank you!

Yes, I would like to work in more of Darcy’s extended family. I have plans for cousin Marcia’s wedding. Darcy will be taking Bucky as her plus one, and we will meet her aunt Jo and uncle Hugh (Jo is Rebecca’s sister), Marcia is their oldest daughter. I think we’ll also meet Darcy’s grandmother Francine, with whom Darcy does not get along. Also Rebecca’s cousin Ericka who is the super bitchy one and her husband Tim. Oh, and Darcy’s great uncle Larry who still likes to do the trick where he pulls a quarter out from behind Darcy’s ear. 

OMG! I just realized, I can actually give you snippets!

Okay, so here’s from the next fic, The Date, where Darcy’s talking to her mom. I think this will probably get cut or at the very least very edited down a lot. It’s kind wordy, and pointlessly so. 

“Have you RSVP’d for Marcia’s wedding yet?”

“No.”

“Darcy.”

“Do I have to?”

Rebecca was silent for a moment and then she let out a long breath. “No, you don’t have to, but it would be very nice if you did.”

Darcy grimaced and dropped down onto a bench, staring out over the Thames. She liked London, it felt big and small at the same time. Human scale, she supposed. New York was still a little overwhelming sometimes. Though, coming from the land of vast southern California sprawl, she really shouldn’t judge.

“Bring Tony as your plus one. That’ll keep everybody busy,” Rebecca suggested. It surprised Darcy into a laugh.

“Oh, that would be so beautiful. But, I don’t think Marcia would appreciate me upstaging her wedding. Not that she ever appreciated me.”

“Sweetie, you two are adults now, maybe it’s time to let go of the kid stuff.”

“Right, did you or did you not have an argument with aunt Jo last Christmas about how she hogged the bathroom when you were kids? Like, actually yelling at each other.”

“I said ‘maybe’,” her mom clarified. “Fine. I know you never got along, but she has asked me twice if you’re coming. She really wants you to be there, Darcy.”

“To show off how together her life is while I’m still interning,” Darcy grumbled. She swore she heard Jane shout ’assistant’ in her head.

“Maybe, or maybe she genuinely wants to share the day with you. She’s not the same person she was when she was fifteen, and neither are you. Give her a chance.”

“I don’t know. There’s so much going on right now. A destination wedding? To the middle of the freaking forest in September? What is that?”

“Okay, look at it this way: why don’t you try to mend fences, you make the effort? And then if she’s an obnoxious diva, show-off, it’ll just make her look petty and you’ll look like the bigger person. You win.”

“That’s so manipulative, mom,” Darcy said admiringly.

“I know. Give it a shot. Or bring Tony. But, I’d really like you to be there. So would your dad. And your brother. And aunt Jo, and uncle Hugh. That’s five people you actually like. And your great uncle Larry, who will pull a quarter from behind your ear, because who doesn’t love that trick? Right? Come on.”

“I’m 25, I doubt uncle Larry will try the coin trick.”

“I’m 48 and he tried it on me when I saw him two months ago at his granddaughter’s bat mitzvah. Just think, free money.”

“That’s a pretty big inducement for me. You know me too well.”

“Besides, who cares how together her life is? Good for her, I say. And, you know and I know that you’re not just an intern. Oh! I know! Bring Steve.”

“That might be worse than Tony. How about Clint?”

“Oh, well, Clint would be fun. Any update since the proposal?”

“The joke proposal. No, mom.”

“I see. And what about Bucky Barnes? I hear you’re going on a date.”

Darcy was silent for a moment. “Who told you that?”

“Steve.”

That sounded bad. That sounded awkward. Her mom and Steve were chatting buddies? She’d never survive. “When are you talking to Steve?”

“Darcy, you leave your phone all over the place. Half the time when I call you, I end up talking to somebody else. They all pick up. And sometimes it’s the only way I know what’s going on with you.” Rebecca made a frustrated sound and then let her breath out slowly before saying, “You can tell me these things, you do know that, right?”

“It’s just been a little overwhelming, is all. Like, everything that’s happened lately. I wasn’t not telling you, I just have a billion things going on.”

“Are you going to tell me now?”

“Do I have to?”

“Darcy …” Rebecca let out the most put-upon sigh she could manage. A tired, exasperated 'mom’ sigh. “No, of course not.”

“Okay, well, look, apparently we’re going dancing. I don’t know when; that’s his deal, but he said while I’m in London. Anyway, he got crazy stoned like five months ago — inadvertently stoned, I mean; he’s not a stoner — and he asked me dancing and I thought it was just because he was, you know—”

“Stoned?”

“Yes! But then he asked when he wasn’t high. And I said yes. But, then it was kidnappings and arrests — did I say arrests? Forget I said that. It wasn’t a real arrest, and it was like five hours tops and I laughed at them the whole time because they had no legal leg to stand on so it was mostly annoying to everybody involved — and attacks on the tower and property acquisitions and unexpected bequests and … so many things! So, we haven’t gone dancing yet. Is it a date? I don’t know. I think he wants it to be.”

“Do you?”

“ … Maybe? Okay, well, look, I totally brought jewelry to London, okay? Nice jewelry I immediately put into a safe box at the hotel. I haven’t bought a dress yet, but that’s just because I haven’t had time. I plan on going out this weekend, and actually, I should say, that Jane and I plan on going out this weekend, and there’s no way in hell she’d let me out of it, even if I wanted, but I don’t want out, so it’s fine. I’m sure we’ll have fun and she’ll make sure I get something suitable for kicking up my heels with a greatest generation assassin. So, I’m taking it seriously and I want to go dancing with him, and I’m just—”

“Oh sweetie,” her mom said, a laugh in her voice.

“Don’t 'oh sweetie’ me,” Darcy grumbled and then paused. “Wow, I really do sound like Pepper sometimes.”

“I’m sure your father loves that.”

“Yeah, he always says it with this panicked look on his face.” It all made so much sense now. Anyway. “So, yes, I guess I’m going on a date.”

“Can I offer a piece of advice?”

“Go for it.”

“Just have fun. Don’t make it bigger than it has to be.”

“That’s exactly what Phil and Jane said.”

“You told the Director before you told me?”

“Bucky’s my partner! There are protocols and crap. I told Phil after Bucky asked me out the first time, because it seemed like I was supposed to and also I didn’t know what to do. He just said dancing’s fun. Because technically Bucky’s an outside contractor, so it doesn’t exactly violate frat regs. Which, by the way, Howard was an asshole.”

“Howard? Your grandfather Howard? What does he have to do with it?”

“He named a sub-clause in the fraternization regs — the one covering partners — after me.”

“I thought you two got along?”

“We did. I loved the heck out of him. But, he was still an asshole.”

“Don’t call your grandfather an asshole.”

“Why not? He’s dead, he can’t hear me. And if he can, he knows what he did. And he’s probably laughing. Asshole.”

And then there’s this bit from the Marcia’s wedding fic, where we meet uncle Hugh and Tim. I think this will also get very very edited down. Again, too wordy for no good reason. Still, though. 

Hugh dropped onto the couch next to Paul and let out a gusty sigh. “I will be glad when this is over.”

“Your baby girl’s getting married,” Paul objected with a smirk. “You should be rejoicing, right?”

“You haven’t seen the bill.”

“Oh come on, you’re not paying, I know it.”

“I’m paying some of it,” Hugh argued back, but then he shrugged and smiled a little. “I wouldn’t let them pay for all of it. The destination part of this — that’s all them. But, I’m paying for the food and the flowers. And the open bar.”

“Was Jo behind the open bar?”

“It was her and Rebecca, I feel pretty sure.”

“No doubt.” Paul stood up and waved a hand at his brother-in-law. “Come on, let me buy you a drink before the open bar opens.”

“Sure, sure.” Hugh got to his feet and jerked his thumb at another man passing through the lobby. “Ken, come on over here. Paul this is Ken Wittingham, the groom’s father. Ken, this is my brother-in-law Paul Lewis. Paul’s gonna buy us a drink.”

Ken stuck his hand out and gave Paul a hearty shake. “Thank you for joining us this weekend. It’s a great turnout; the kids are so excited.”

“They picked a pretty spectacular location,” Paul said blandly. It was out of the way, rustic, lovely, but also pricy and a pain in the ass to get to.

“My firm remodeled this place a couple years ago. They cut the kid’s a bit of a break.”

“You did this?” Paul waved a hand at the woodsy yet modern lodge. “Beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Ken smiled and walked them to the restaurant, pointing out features his company designed, built, carved, or otherwise installed. It was an impressive piece of work.

“So, when’s your turn?” Ken asked as they took a seat near the bar.

“My turn for what?” Paul asked, looking over the beer menu.

“You’ve got a daughter, right? How old is she?”

“Twenty-five, I’m gonna need at least two more decades before I’m ready for this. And my son is still in college and not allowed to get married until he graduates. Says me.”

Hugh snorted and ordered a rum and coke. “Scuttlebutt says Darcy’s boyfriend is her plus one.”

“Ugh,” Paul grunted and decided a beer wasn’t going to cut it. “Gin and tonic.”

Ken nodded at the server, “Same.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Hugh said, pulling a bowl of popcorn to himself and starting to pick through the kernels. “Didn’t you get married when you were twenty-three?”

Paul gave him a dark look and reached across the table for a handful of popcorn. “I don’t want to talk about Darcy getting married.”

Hugh pulled the popcorn bowl closer into his body, fending off Paul’s second grab. “Well, whenever it happens, that’ll be a hell of a shindig. I hope we’re invited.”

“She’s threatened to elope to Vegas, so maybe I’ll get lucky,” Paul told him.

Ken gave him an admonishing look, tempered a little by trying not to be the sort of person who judges a stranger you’re about to be stuck with for a weekend. “When my little girl got married, it was worth it all to see her so happy.”

Paul closed his eyes and smiled ruefully, ready to explain at least some of the reality they all faced. “Ken—”

“Darcy’s getting married?” A deceptively soothing voice, a deep, James Earl Jones with a Texas twang rumble, broke into the conversation and Evil Cousin Ericka’s husband Tim, joined them. Tim wasn’t evil, but Tim was complicit in his wife’s villainy and helped it along with his intel gathering and highly selective hearing.

“No,” Paul said shortly. “She’s not getting married. At least, not soon. Or, it’s not in the plans, or you know what I mean.”

“She’s not engaged or anything,” Hugh put in, trying to help. “We were talking about the kids, I was just giving him some guff. Hey, do you know the groom’s father? Ken, this is my wife’s cousin’s husband Tim.” Hugh’s head bobbed as he tried to make sure the relationship was as straight and clear as it could be.

“Thank you for joining us this weekend,” Ken said with his easy smile.

“We were thrilled by the invitation. It was a great opportunity for a little get-away. My wife’s been to the spa twice already.”

“We remodeled that a couple years ago,” Ken said, bearing his teeth in a proud grin, ready to dive into the details of hand-carved this and artisan-etched that.

Tim gave him a half-interested, entirely bored smile and glanced back over at Paul. “So, Darcy was able to make it? Ericka thought she might have to work.”

“She was hoping for an alien invasion,” Paul told him with a grim smile. “But, I know for a fact she escaped Manhattan without incident.”

Ken laughed a little at that and Hugh groaned softly, put his chin on his hand and sipped at his rum and coke.

Tim frowned like he was searching his memory. “She wasn’t there during the Incident, was she?”

“No, no,” Paul assured him. “She was in Europe. Norway, with her former professor.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Tim nodded. “Her internship. You know, that’s a pretty nice internship that gets you at trip to Europe.”

“She was actually there on her graduation trip,” Paul corrected past gritted teeth. “So, she wasn’t working, just visiting.”

“She’s a hard worker,” Tim said mildly.

It didn’t sound like a judgmental comment; in fact, it sounded genuine. But, Paul narrowed his eyes anyway. “Of course, she was in London working when the elves invaded.”

Hugh choked on his drink and let out a sigh. Hugh was one of the handful of people who always knew the secret. The Secret. In fact, Paul was pretty sure Hugh’d known longer than he had. Probably since the beginning. He and Jo had been married and had a kid of their own before Darcy was even born.

“Was she really?” Ken asked, looking concerned and alarmed. As far as alien invasions went, it was pretty low casualty, mostly property damage, minor trauma overall. Still, though, Paul supposed he shouldn’t fault the man his alarm — it was aliens, after all. “Damn, that must’ve scared the hell out of you.”

“You learn to roll with things when it’s Darcy,” Paul told him with a shrug.

“Necessary survival skill,” Hugh agreed. “Good kid, though, don’t get us wrong,” he hurried to assure Ken that his son’s wedding wasn’t going to be ruined by some out of control nut of a relation. Or, if such a person did show up, it wasn’t going to be Darcy.

Paul mentally sent a prayer that when she said “full Stark” it didn’t mean she was going to end up the nut. Oh Lord, please. Except, it was also his idea to let her go for it. This weekend would be an adventure.

“Hard worker,” Tim said again, as though it was the highest praise he could think to offer. It probably was. Tim owned a small chain of carpet stores in the Dallas/Ft Worth area and he worked his ass off to make them successful. It was his primary redeeming quality. “That’s why I was surprised she’s coming.”

Tim was not the most original conversationalist. Or his wife sent him on an awkward spy mission for her. When Darcy was ten she made Ericka look foolish, some clever little gadget that Darcy was able to explain in detail. And Ericka had never gotten over her embarrassment at having the device explained to her like she was a child, by a child.

Who stayed that bitter at a ten-year old? That woman, for f’s sake.

Anyway, so Ericka never passed up an opportunity to dig dirt on Darcy and try to one-up her. Because she had nothing else to fill the hours of her life, obviously, and she used her husband as her witting foil. Tim knew what she was doing, he went along, Paul had no sympathy.

Oh, man, Paul wanted to say so badly. He wanted to just tell Tim exactly who Darcy was. He was so tempted, so very tempted, it was on the tip of his tongue. So much so that he almost stood up and went to call Tony, of all people, because Tony would tell him to lock it down, and then threaten him with the Iron Man suit. Or, at least, Paul hoped he would, because that would get him to back away from the crazy place.

Or he should go call Darcy and tell her to hurry up and come distract everybody with her zombie, Greatest Generation, war hero boyfriend.

Paul frowned at himself. That wasn’t a very nice thing to think about Bucky Barnes. Damn it.

It did pull his brain back on track, though. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to tell everybody all of a sudden. This was a secret he’d kept for over twenty years, and he’d never once been tempted to spill it. Protecting his daughter was more important than anything else.

Maybe it was just that the idea was out there now. The idea of telling people, of letting Darcy be Darcy and, maybe, of letting go a bit. She was all grown up now, as much as it made him sad, and while he would always want to protect her, maybe she didn’t need or want him to anymore. And now was the time to rub it in people’s faces, because Paul knew his daughter and she’d enjoy that as much as he would. So there.

“She’s been working too hard lately,” Paul said. “Her mother and I maybe applied the screws to get her to take a break. We haven’t seen her since the spring anyway.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Hugh said. “You went out when she was in that car accident. How is she?”

“She’s fine. It was just some bumps and bruises. I think her other dad took it harder than she did.” Where bumps and bruises and a car accident were because Hydra — HYDRA — kidnapped her for two weeks. Hydra. Sweet, tap-dancing Moses. “He got the call from the state police. Rebecca and I had time to process; he didn’t.”

It was all a carefully managed story — and this was a story not even Hugh knew. Because, no they didn’t really have time to process when they got the call from Tony. Then they all had two weeks where they couldn’t do anything but sit in a holding pattern, no answers to anything, nothing to process except that she was gone.

And then she escaped, and came home by magical alien teleportation or whatever it was. And she was mostly fine, and then they all had to process the missing time, and the sudden finding, and the weird haze of everything in between.

Actually, months weren’t near enough time to finish processing. He was still working through it. His daughter was kidnapped by evil Nazis. Real ones. It was horrifying.

Paul entirely understood why Tony tried to make a robot army, and didn’t blame him one tiny bit. It was only too damned bad that the thing went evil.

And then more awkward family wedding hijinks. That’s the plan anyway. 

So, there you go! I have made some progress lately. For real!

Thank you! 

[dolokhcv-blog]

TITLE: I Think I Loaf You  PAIRING: Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen (with some side Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy) WORD COUNT: 2527 SUMMARY: Connor tags along to his sister’s wedding cake tasting and happens upon the most awkward, adorable baker in existence. NOTES: I just really love The Great British Baking Show, and this is what happened. Also, a pretty soft Connor/a little ooc, but he’s also gone through some positive change, so yay? Sorry about the title. You can also read this on Ao3 here.

Connor wasn’t at all sure how he got roped into this shit, but there he was, being dragged along by his sister for a wedding cake tasting. He knew that if this was six years ago she could have held a gun to his head and he still wouldn’t have agreed to come along, but, well, they’d come a long way. Such a long way that he was apparently willing to suffer through all this pre-wedding decision making, and that she actually asked him to in the first place.

Whatever. At least he’d get to eat.

“This place is great, Connor. And Marie is so nice! You’ll love her.” Zoe paused, as if she immediately remembered that this was her brother she was talking to, and amended. “You’ll love the cake.”

“Not a high bar to reach,” Connor replied with a snort as he reached for the door, letting his sister in first. The gesture was less out of politeness and more out of lack of desire to be greeted by whatever customer service smile was waiting for them on the other side of the door.

But when they stepped inside, they were surprised to find that no one was there. He knew Zoe had made an appointment – with a fiancée like Alana, being organized as fuck was in the job description – so the two of them looked at each other, uncertain.

“Um, Marie?” Zoe finally called out. There was the sound of something clanging and a crash, then a stuttered curse, before someone emerged from the back of the building.

And fuck, if he wasn’t the cutest goddamn loser Connor had ever laid eyes on.

First of all, he was covered in flour. And not even in the way that bakers sometimes are after working with it, like patches and light dustings over everything they were wearing. No, he was covered, like he’d just laid face-down in it and proceeded to snow-angel. His face, though, was free of the stuff for the most part, just a dusting over his nose and left cheek. He wore a dumb blue striped polo under a black apron, jeans, and some nerdy-ass sneakers.

Connor wondered if it was too forward to ask for his number before they even tasted any cakes and was about to decide that he didn’t care when the man finally spoke.

“Uh, hi! Hi, welcome, hello. Greetings.” He laughed nervously, awkwardly. “Sorry. That was weird. Um, you must be here for the cake tasting. You’re early? I mean, not that it’s a problem, it’s totally fine, early bird gets the worm and everything, I just wasn’t expecting you for another three and a half minutes so I thought I still had time to make sure that everything was perfect but you’re here! That’s great? Really…” He paused and sucked in a breath, like he’d forgotten he’d needed oxygen until that moment. “Great.”

Connor and Zoe exchanged a look, but while Zoe’s read much more as what the fuck is going on, Connor’s said, If this boy is straight, I will stare sullenly out the window the whole car ride back to my apartment.

“Hi,” Zoe said, finally shooting a (slightly unsure) smile at the man. “We are here for the cake tasting, yes. Um, we were kind of expecting Marie?”

“Right! Yeah, right, of course you were. Well she’s at some convention for bakers or something and left me here? To deal with customers? Well not deal with, but like, you know, talk to, but I’m not that good at it, as you can probably tell.” He suddenly turned very red and tugged on the hem of his t-shirt. “Oh, God, I haven’t even introduced myself yet, oh my god, I’m really bad at this, I don’t usually work with, uh, people. Clearly. Anyway, I’m Evan? Evan Hansen?”

The poor guy didn’t even sound sure of his own name, voice going higher at the end like he was asking a question. Connor didn’t just think he was cute anymore; now he was getting weird feelings in the pit of his stomach, like he wanted to shield this guy – Evan Hansen – from the world. Keep him safe in a cocoon of blankets with a mug of tea or some shit. It was unsettling.

“Nice to meet you, Evan. I’m Zoe, and this is Connor,” Zoe replied gently, as if too harsh a tone was going to break the other man. Judging by the way he was acting, it just might’ve. “Sorry if us being... a little early threw you off. We just wanted to be punctual.”

Connor snorted at the ‘we’, earning a look from his sister and a slight expression of surprise from Evan.

“Oh, no, it’s fine! I mean, it did throw me off, but everything’s done, so it’s not too bad. I’ve got it all plated and everything so if you want to just take a seat over at that table?” He gestured to the cozy table in the corner. “I can bring all the flavors out to you! I made a lot of different ones so you’d have choices, but y’know, if you know you don’t like a flavor, you obviously don’t have to try it. I’d never force cake down your throat or anything. Ha ha!” The laugh came out more as him actually saying ha-ha rather than laughing, and Evan turned a deeper shade of red. “Wow, that sounded creepy, I promise I’m not a cake-murderer, I’m not going to poison you or anything. I -- God, okay, I’m just gonna get the cakes, I’m so sorry.”

He hurried off into the back again as Connor and Zoe took their seats.

Zoe kept her voice low as she spoke, and Connor dipped his head closer to hear her. “Well, he’s an... interesting guy. Seems sweet, though.”

“Cute,” Connor said instantly, making his sister roll her eyes but then brighten.

“Y’know, it’d be nice if you had a date to the wedding. I know stuff with the family tends to freak you out, so it’d be good to have someone to distract you.”

It was Connor’s turn to roll his eyes. Normally, he’d shut her down when she tried to set him up, but... well. It would be nice to have a date to the wedding so he could ignore Larry and Cynthia. Or, at the very least, prove that he wasn’t a total fuck up anymore to them and extended family. “One step at a time, Zoe.”

Zoe looked incredibly pleased, but before she could respond, Evan reappeared with two trays. He set them very carefully on the table, and Connor had to guess that there was at least one instance where cakes he was holding ended up on the floor. “Okay, so, like I said, lots of flavors. Fifteen, to be exact. The most popular is the red velvet with the cream cheese icing and the white with the raspberry filling. I love the dark chocolate with the champagne filling. Marble cake is pretty basic, and so is the white with vanilla bean frosting, but there’s nothing wrong with a classic! If you want to go more out of the box, I make this Victoria sponge with blackberry compote. And it’s pretty good, not to brag. But, yeah! Go ahead and try it!”

Connor couldn’t help noticing there was minimal stuttering and an assuredness in his tone that wasn’t there before when he talked about his baking, and it was... nice. It was nice when people got to talk about the stuff they loved with confidence, and Evan clearly loved baking.

So, yeah, Connor and Zoe did eat, with Evan nervously watching and commenting as they went through the different flavors. Eventually, they settled on a top five that Alana would come back and try the next week.

“I think we’re going to narrow it down to the blackberry, tiramisu, dark chocolate champagne, and white chocolate raspberry,” Zoe announced, resting a hand over her full stomach. “My fiancée will be in next week to try them so we can make a final decision.”

Evan suddenly looked perplexed, eyes shifting between the two of them. “Wait, I thought... So you’re not... going to get married?”

Connor barked out a laugh out at that, though immediately regretted it when he saw Evan jump in surprise. “Ah, no,” he replied, realizing that this was the first time he’d spoken directly to Evan since they’d arrived. Maybe he was more nervous than he thought. “Illegal in most places, and pretty fucking gross. She’s my sister.”

Evan turned bright red and looked at Connor for a moment too long before staring at his feet. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry, that was definitely presumptuous of me especially now that I can definitely see the resemblance. Oh my god, that’s mortifying, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Connor said quickly, smiling in a way he hoped was non-threatening. “I can see how you’d get there.”

Zoe looked between them and apparently decided that this was the perfect moment to give them alone time, after Evan thought they were getting married and proceeded to feel mortified. “Um, I’m going to go call Alana and make sure she doesn’t absolutely hate any of the flavors we picked. I’ll be right back.”

She disappeared out of the shop, and Connor took the opportunity to stand up and look into the display case at the front. “Did you bake all of these? They look... impressive,” he said, eyes resting on a perfect-looking tarte au citron.

“Uh, yeah. Thank you? I do most of the baking now. Marie has arthritis so it’s harder for her, which is kinda why I took over.”

“Wow,” Connor said, a little lamely. “Uh, that was really nice of you.”

He glanced over to see Evan flushed and focusing hard on cleaning up the table where they’d been sitting. “Oh, no, it’s not a big deal, really. I really like doing the baking, and I don’t mind getting up early. Besides, it usually means I can stay in the back and just go, y’know, be with my dough. Which, god, sounds so lame when I say it like that, it even rhymed, I’m sorry, I just usually don’t interact with customers, for obvious reasons. Which I said already, God, I’m like a broken record, I’m sorry.”

It looked as if it took a concentrated effort for him to quiet himself, and by the time he had, Connor was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a fond smile. When the fuck had he started smiling fondly? The thing was, Connor kind of got this guy. It wasn’t like he was free from mental health problems himself, even though he’d made a significant amount of progress in the last five years. Though where Evan seemed to deal with his fears and overthinking by retreating into himself and rambling, Connor tended to deal with it by lashing out at anything he perceived as the slightest poke. It was a miracle that he’d ever been able to reassemble his relationship with Zoe and his parents (though that was still a mess) after everything, but he had. Even still, though, he could understand where this painfully awkward boy was coming from.

“Listen, Evan,” Connor began, taking a step towards the man in question. He seemed to tense up when Connor got closer, so Connor stopped where he stood. He didn’t want to encroach on Evan’s space. “Sorry, I don’t mean to -- Sorry. It’s just, I was wondering if I could get your number?”

Evan looked a little terrified, and Connor wondered if he was trying to think of the best way to let him down in that undoubtedly overworked brain of his. “It’s okay if the answer is no. I won’t, like, throw a chair or yell or force my sister to take her business elsewhere or anything. Just thought I’d ask, while we’ve got a minute alone.”

“Nonono, that’s not, no...” Evan said immediately, though he seemed a little unsure of where to go from there. He hesitated. “I’d love to give you my number. I just, uh, don’t know why you’d want it? I don’t mean to question your motives or anything, I just want to know why you’d want it. I mean, if you have any questions about the cakes you can call the bakery’s number, you don’t need my personal cell, but I guess if you have questions in the middle of the night we’ll definitely be closed but --”

“I think you’re cute,” Connor said, cutting Evan off. He knew it was rude, but this kid was working himself up over nothing, and Connor wanted to save him from it. “Very, very cute. And if you’re interested, I would really like to see you again.” His sister would be proud of him for expressing himself, he knew, so he was really fucking glad she wasn’t there to see it.

Evan fiddled with his apron, but he looked a little less nervous. A smile seemed to tug at the corner of his lips, and Connor felt a little relieved. Evan’s anxiety was louder, but it didn’t mean Connor didn’t have some of his own. “Um, okay. Yeah, that sounds... Great. Yeah. Also, you’re... I think you’re c-cute, too.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he seemed to clamp his mouth shut before he could.

Connor grinned as he fished out his phone, and Evan quietly rattled off his number. He’d just finished saying the last digit when Zoe came back in. Not wanting to see an overly pleased grin from his sister, Connor quickly put his phone back in his pocket. Evan noticed this and glanced at Connor’s face before looking back at the ground.

“Alana’s going to come in next Thursday to try everything,” Zoe announced, one hand gripping the strap of her purse. “Anyway, we should get going. Thanks so much for all the delicious cake, Evan.”

She smiled and turned, giving Connor the chance to smirk at Evan and give a little two-fingered salute. Evan grinned shyly back.

Once they were back in the car, Zoe pulled out of the parking lot and glanced over at him. “So?”

“So what?” Connor asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Are you going to see him again? Did you flirt? Did you get his number?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “I’m not as smooth as you seem to think, Zoe,” he replied, which wasn’t a total lie, but also didn’t quite answer the question.

Either his sister didn’t catch this, she didn’t care enough to interrogate him further, or she knew he didn’t want to talk about it, because she dropped the subject. It didn’t really matter; Connor was busy typing out a text message.

Rye can’t I stop thinking about you? Sincerely, Connor Murphy

Evan didn’t text back until later that night, either because he was working or because he didn’t know what to say. But when he did finally text back, it was three blushing, smiling emojis, proving to Connor that Evan Hansen really was the most charming goddamn mess that ever existed.

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 7]

The penultimate chapter!

Warnings this time include sex, violence, and a few references to what went down in the previous installments. 

Recap: Tiaa learned that her father is a vampire, and that she would become one herself if she had sex with Edward. Guess what she did. (Also, she killed Uncle Larry and drank his blood.)

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

thanx for the revews!

You’re so welcome!

Chapter 7 - Surprises!

I woke up sheepishly and wandered where I was for a minute.

Vampires don’t sleep, and no one wakes up “sheepishly.”

I got out of bed, wandering if all the things that had hapened to me last night were just a dream. I went downstairs for breakfast and sat down with Dave and Marie.

Vampires don’t eat breakfast, either. Unless she plans on eating Dave and Marie. I wouldn’t object.

THey look at me and smiles adoringly.

You do have a beta reader, right?

"wow tiaa i love your new hair and contat lenses, your look so beautiful!" said marie with her face all bright and happiness.

Marie freaks me the hell out. Why is she so perky?

I got up and look in a mirror. Holly shite! I looked totally diffrent! For the first time I could see my face was truely beautiful, it was even prettier than before.

If you can possibly imagine that, because Tiaa’s descriptions of herself in previous chapters weren’t exactly modest.

My eyes were a weird silver color like wet pools of noble moonlight in distant medows,and my ivory gold hair seemed to shimmer like the suns burned rays in the morning, with the purple streaks shining like neon lilac.

So in the Twilight universe, vampire eye color depends on how recently they last fed and what they last fed on. A vampire with human blood in their system will have red eyes; a hungry vampire has black eyes; vampires who eat nonhuman animals (like Edward and his family) have gold eyes after feeding. Tiaa ate Uncle Larry last night, and she’s newly turned, so she definitely has human blood in her body. Her eyes should be red.

I guess her hair’s the same except for the dye job, though, because she used to have multiple colors streaked into her hair and now she just has purple. Not sure how being a vampire would affect that, honestly.

I was radiant and magical and looked awesome.

I love this sentence.

My skin was even more pale than before and my features more delicate and queen-like, my nose was small and dashing and my cheeks were high and pale and my chin was soft but majestic. I was amazed.

I’m just hoping that she still smells like mint and cinnamon.

Suddenly the phone rang and nuked me out of my silent staring.

Must be one of those newfangled atomic phones.

Dave answered it.

"what? oh my god! Your kidding! This is inconsideratable!" and he hung up

Nice vocabulary, Dave. Nice job hanging up on the caller, too.

"whats happened honey?" Marie asked smiling

Why is she always smiling? Is her face stuck like that?

"uncle larry is died, it looks like he was ripped apart by a wild beast! I feel so sad!

Yeah, you seem real…

(wait for it…)

…torn up about it.

he was my brother"

Not sure why he needed to remind everyone. Can’t imagine Uncle Larry was a pleasant brother, though, since his entire character consisted of being ugly and evil.

I suddenly remembered what I had done, and i screamed and ran to school.

That’s not suspicious or anything! Actually, wait, it’s Dave and Marie; they won’t suspect a thing.

Also, I pictured her doing this like Gir from Invader Zim.

I felt so awful and giulty for what I had done! I new uncle larry was a perv and a rasist and even thou he had raped me and tied me up and spanked me and made my life hell I still shoudnt have killed him!

No, you totally should have killed him.

I was going to explode with guilt. i ran through the forest towards the school but suddenly a large thing appeared in front of me.

Wow! Love the description!

it was a bear - a big panda bear!

…this is happening in a small town in Washington State, correct?

it was huge and fluffy and realy cute, but I was scared as this was a totally weird thing to happen.

She’s not wrong.

But, then again, in the context of this story I guess it’s not too implausible.

"greetings atlantaina!" it said - i was totally freaked out - since when did panda bears live in Forks? And since when did they SPEAK? I was totally confused

You and me both, girl.

"WTF?" i screamed!

"I'm a panda bear, my name is Snooflanti-tatuna but you can call me Snoofles.”

Well, thank god, because I have no idea how to pronounce that first thing you said.

"A talking PANDA BEAR?" i shouted furiously

Why is she angry?

"I cannot talk like humans can, but your not human anymore so you can understand me. You can talk to animals. You probably have other powers too you just don't know it yet"

Oh, I get it. So I think I mentioned this earlier, but in the Twilight universe some vampires gain a special ability after being turned — typically an amplification of some ability they possessed as a human. That’s how come Edward can read minds, his sister Alice has visions of the future, his brother Jasper can influence the moods of others, and so on. Tiaa’s ability to communicate with animals comes out of nowhere only in the sense that it wasn’t foreshadowed; the power fits with canon otherwise.

I’m pretty sure one vampire having multiple extra abilities is unheard of, though. There goes Tiaa breaking the rules again. (Though at this point… after all she’s been through… I guess she deserves something good for a change, no?)

"like watt?" i said

"I dunno, touch that tree" said Snoofles, smiling at me.

Hey, hold up. How does the panda know all this shit? Like… how does he know who Tiaa is? How does he know about how vampires work? Even allowing that Tiaa can communicate with animals now, how come this one is demonstrating human-like sapience?

You know what, none of this will ever get explained and I’m done thinking about it. Let’s move on.

I touched the tree and consentrated hard and even though it was winter the tree suddenly started to bloom huge bunches of flowers. The flowers cascadad down like a river onto the bare forest floor. i took my hand away in horror. The flowers were so beautiful they made me think of edward. then i remembered how he had left me after we had made love, and i became angry. I touched another tree and it burst into flames. It was as if the trees turned into things that somehow reflected how I was feeling!

This power actually makes sense for volatile, moody Tiaa, but it’s not gonna be very useful until she learns to control it. Which might never happen because this girl is an emotional loose cannon. Also we’re on the second-to-last chapter.

"OMG, how is this possible?" i said

"Don't ask me I'm just a panda, lol" said Snoofles with a big grin and he raised his eyebows,"but I'm so happy to find a person who can understand my speaking! i al; ways wanted a human friend! will you be my human friend?"

Nice going, author. I like how you had Snoofles know things he shouldn’t and then had him not know how he knows those things he shouldn’t. Great writing! Allows you to avoid explaining anything at all!

"well yah ok" i said, "but i have to go to school now so I'll see you later Snoofles ok?"

"that's cool" said Snoofles "i'll see you later"

I ran away and was totaly weirded out by my meeting with Snoofles.

I, too, was totally weirded out by your meeting with Snoofles.

I was almost in a trance at school and even though people starred at me and made coments about my new apperance I had never cared less.

Maybe because they did this every day anyway?

in gym class I ran around dressed in my gym clothes.

That is what one typically does in gym class, yes.

i was playing dodgball and the cleerleaders kept throwing there balls at me realy hard like biaches but i was dodging them at the speed of light.

Being subtle, I see! Good going convincing everyone you’re still human!

Lauren came over to me and tries to hit me over the face with her balls and I slapped her in the face.

Did Lauren just try and teabag Tiaa?

"WTF you freaky goth tudor bitch!" she shouted with her ugly face flapping like a big bag

I swear this fic has the best similes I have ever seen.

"leave me alone yeah?" i said looking more beautiful than ever

And this is relevant why?

"no - ill never leave u alone becase your so werid! what has hapened to your face its like your from another planet, your so pale and delicate its freaking everyone out and we all hate you!"

Well put, Lauren.

I was so mad i pushed her but when my hands touched her arms her skin started to blister and froth in a totally gross way and she got struck by a bolt of lightning. She wasnt dead or anything but she looked totally disgusting and she got taken to the hospital.

Nasty! Can’t say I feel bad for Lauren, though.

I didnt look for my friends and after gym class I sat in the changing rooms after everyone has left and cried becase I felt so sorry for watt I had done to uncle larry and to lauren.

Oh, come on. Lauren is just a bully, admittedly, but Uncle Larry was a rapist — a particularly violent one committing repeated rape against a teenager, no less. Killing him was just taking out the trash. And Lauren should be okay-ish after a few skin grafts.

I was sat there wearing a very short leather mini-dress and red ripped tights and a skull necklace and a gothic top hat with feathers on it.

She headed to an Emilie Autumn concert after school or what?

Suddenly I heard a voices from behind me

A voices. One voice, but it’s plural. Got it.

(I wanna make a System Shock joke here but I can’t think of a good one.)

"Tiaa? Tiaa? It is I Edward Cullen!" said edward.

No one on this planet talks like that. I don’t care what time period you’re from.

i turned to kook at him and he gasped in a high piched way and fell over onto the floor. I was mad at him and totaly upset about other stuff so i didnt check to see if he was ok. He got up in a minute.

…alright, I’m not sure how to react to that.

"I fainted Tiaa, thou is so sexy and exqisite i lost my contentioness.

I’m pretty sure vampires can’t faint. Did he pretend to faint? Because, if so, that’s really funny.

Thy face is even more sacred and filled with shinning glory than before, I am amazed" but then he noticed I was crying tears of soft blood and he said "what is wrong with thee?" said Edward

“Im trunign into a My Immortal characted!11!11!!1” I yielded depressingly as blod streemed down my iviory fetnures. “Ewdard fangz 4 all da help but not even u can salve me now. I”m gong to go slit my rists with a steak so i can end my live of mizery!112!!!!11111”

“OMS no Tiaa dont go!” Edwerd shooted sadly but it waz 2 latte. I cut miself with da knife and da word went blak.

"I killed someone Ewadrd! I killed my uncle and drank his blood and I think I made lauren get stuck by lightning"

Okay, but like… Edward knows your “uncle” had been raping and beating you repeatedly. The Lauren thing might be considered bad, since her main crime was just being an asshole, but Tiaa didn’t mean to hurt her like that, so it’s not really her fault.

"its ok Tiaa he was evil and noone cares about lauren" Edward says to comfort me and he put his arms round me

Dude has a point.

"still watt i did was awfull and anyways GET OFF ME!" i stood up and shock him off me "dont come near me ever again! I havent forgiven you for whatt happened last night! We did sex and you left me there in the forest!"

"I'm sorry! I cannot stay away from thee and yet I cannot be with thee either" he cried and threw his hands up and weeped

Hey, wanna play a drinking game? Take a shot every time Edward starts crying. Finish your drink every time Edward goes immediately from putting the moves on Tiaa to saying he can’t be with her or vice versa. I guarantee you will get very, very drunk.

"make your mind up Ewdard! this is a serious thing! Ether stay here with me now and screw me and be with me forrever or leave and go be with Bella! Make youre choice right now!"

That’s a reasonable ultimatum except for the part where she propositioned him for sex while they’re in a public area of their high school.

"I choose thee Atlantnina! Bella is a big mean cow and I cant be with her anymore!

Get wrecked, Bella.

I will never leave thou side again my lovley damsell!"

See? Was that so hard?

He started to cry and I kissed him. He was so amazing. His yellow eyes and tussled aubon hair and pale skin made me want to screw him all the time, I'd never seen anybody look so perfect.

Get a grip, kids, you’re at school.

I took off my dress so I was only wearing my underwear and i sat on his knee and we kissed a lot.

What part of “get a grip” was so hard for you to understand?

He touched me all over and I felt dizzy and week.

This is shaping up to be a very vague sex scene, huh?

"Do you mean it edward? You'll be mine forrever?"

"I does, i shall be thy mate" he said beautifully in his smooth hot velvet voice

I didn’t get any girls in high school, but I guess it was probably because I didn’t speak in butchered old-timey English, huh? Nothing gets teenage girls going like a little bizarre grammar!

I found some handcuffs on a bench and I tied him to a hook.

I could get analytical about what it means for Tiaa, who was chained to a bed and nearly raped the day before, to develop an interest in restraining her sexual partners… but I’m far more confused by why the hell there are handcuffs laying around in a high school.

he was unable to move and i took his pants down and looked at his throbbing lavender man-fruit thing.

Why is it lavender? Is he okay?

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I put it in my mouth and sucked it and he thrusted madly untill he had an orgasm in my mouth.

I’m far from being a seasoned erotica writer, but if you go from the beginning of the sex act to the climax in a single sentence it really makes it sound like your character came about 10 seconds in. Which, even for a 17-year-old boy, is pretty embarrassing.

The hot juice flowered in my mouth and it was magical.

I really don’t think it was, actually.

Sodenly a voice came from behind me

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING YOU EVIL RODENT PEOPLE?

It was……………………………. DUMBLEDORE!!11!!!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU BOTH AND NOW I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!"

It was Bella Swan!

Okay, that had to have been a homage to “My Immortal.” And god bless!

Next chapter

[soonwellbefoundfic]

being confused just takes control..

marlee.

"Why you not pick up? I worry for you!"

"I'm sorry, Lau." I spoke through a yawn. "I've been in and out of sleep."

"Where you is?"

His question made me pause. My eyes glazed over the span of the hotel suite I'd been calling home for nearly a week now.

"Bob!" He pressed.

"I'm not home." I told him, chewing my lip.

"I know that! I go there." His declaration shocked me. Last I'd checked he was in LA. "Where you is?"

"I don't wanna tell you," I muttered, scratching my scalp.

To say I'd let myself go would be a complete understatement. I hadn't put a comb to my head in days. My skin was dry and lacked its normal glow. The only thing I bothered to do was shower and to be honest I didn't want to do that. It was the sporadic spotting due to the abortion the forced me to clean myself.

"Why not?!"

"Because,” I paused with an inward sigh. “You're gonna tell your brother and I don't want to see him."

He blew out a sigh. "I not tell him anything!"

"You tell him everything." I stressed, rolling my eyes despite the fact that he couldn't see me.

"If you say dong tell him I won't."

"Whatever, Lau."

"Bob." He sighed. "I just need to see you okay."

"I'm fine."

"Marlee Estelle Bourgeois." I cringed at the name. At this point I'd go back to Nichols with no complaints.

I hesitated but caved, knowing he wouldn't let up. "If I tell you will you bring me food?"

"I bring whatever you need."

And he did.

Less than an hour later I was rummaging curiously through the bag he'd brought. Amongst all the items was the most important – sanitary napkins.

"I'm surprised you got the right ones. Larry always fucks up." His name on my tongue annoyed me.

I talked about him so much but it was difficult not to. So many areas of my life revolved around him. It was maddening.

"I better." Laurent smirked.

“True.” I mumbled, cracking open the Honeybun I'd requested. “Can you heat this for like, 15 seconds?”

Laurent wordlessly complied and when the sweet treat was to my liking he handed it back to me. I ate in silence mentally preparing myself for any questions my beloved brother would ask. He was too quiet and he was never quiet so that only meant that he had tons to say.

To my dismay, his silence lasted through my Honeybun and half my bag of Doritos. It was torturous. I wanted so badly to know what was going on in that head of his. My paranoia made me itch with a fear that Lau knew why I was here and what I'd done.

Could he smell the stench left from the sterile clinic in my pores? Did my body look different? Was I bathed in guilt? Apathy?

Not knowing where his head was killed me. His silence was torture. And the void it left needed to be filled.

“I want a divorce.” My lungs nearly popped from the pressure of saying the words aloud as I had never done so.

The declaration wasn't refreshing or liberating. I didn't feel better but worse. My biggest fear would play out because words were powerful. I'd put it out into the universe after fiddling with the thought for months and eventually it would materialize.

“Bob,” Lau started with a pained expression.

Seconds prior I'd craved his voice, or any sound from him, but now I didn't want to hear it. I knew his lips would spew words designed to alter my decision, or defend his brother.

“I'm getting a divorce.” I reiterated, refusing to let him say whatever he wanted to say.

My voice was stronger, full of purpose and my eyes full of tears.

"What are you doing?" He whirled around, seemingly surprised by my presence.

"I look through pictures." His eyes were warm, inviting and hopeful.

A few days had passed since my doctors appointment and I'd mostly avoided him. I was surprised yet appreciative that he let me. I needed the time. My thoughts were mostly redundant and my memories stagnant. It wasn't necessarily that I didn't know what I wanted it was more so the fact that I didn't know what to say to him.

My memories told the tale of a woman who evaded serious conversations – much like I was doing now. When Larry did his dirty work I solely acted on how I felt, I never said anything because I felt like he should've known. He out of all people was the closest to me. He was the sole person who had access to all parts of me. He was most in tune with my wants, my needs, the things that made me happy and the things that made me sad. He was most in tune with my emotions and with that fact came a responsibility. I expected him to know better and do better. And he didn't.

His lack of compassion led to my apathy. I kicked him out, then fled when I knew he would return, then aborted the child we'd conceived and finally filed for divorce – all without cluing him in because he of all people should have know why.

With the exception of the pregnancy I felt that explaining to him why my acts were a result of his actions was fruitless. He was an adult with common sense – he knew better. But now as I found myself repeating the same shit I wondered if I should take a different course of action. I was experiencing those same emotions that I'm sure I harbored in the past when we were actually falling apart but I didn't know how to express them. I didn't know what to say to him.

Was yelling at the top of my lungs as I stood before him the best tactic or was sitting and calm;y explaining a better route?

I was clueless, and as I watched him watch me I felt all the words I'd wanted to say retracing their steps away from the tip of my tongue. It took mere seconds for them to become a crowded mess in my brain again.

“Come see.”

I accepted the invitation, taking a seat opposite him on the coach. Being near him is the first step, I told myself hoping the words would eventually follow if I didn't try and force them.

The relief that flashed in his eyes nearly made me weep.

Despite everything he wanted me. Was this how I'd been with him in the past? Had I remained hopeful even as he pushed me away?

"I find this disk I forget all about." He explained gesturing towards the TV even as he looked at me.

My brows rose. "Disk?"

"You get scare of losing pictures or maybe damage them so you take to get backed up on DVD."

"Oooh." I nodded my understanding.

My eyes moved to the screen just in time to catch a picture of a younger Larry.

"You were so skinny.” I chuckled.

“You remember take these?” He quizzed and I narrowed my eyes on the cool toned photo of the twins.

“No.” I tilted my head as though it would jog my memory. “It's terrible.”

The picture was easily ten years old, and everything about it technically made me cringe. Then again, I was younger with none of the experience and expertise I had now. Mentally letting myself off of the hook, I peered at my husband and his twin, taking in the many ways they'd physically changed.

“Lau get so mad because he say you make me look better.” He cackled when the next picture came up.

“I probably did just to spite him.” I shrugged, as my gaze roamed over Larry's tattoo-less frame. “He was annoying as fuck back then.”

“I can't wait to tell him that!” He laughed. “Every time he see this picture my brother get mad and say the same thing. And you always deny but now you not remember you say the truth.”

His laughter brightened the room and I rolled my eyes with faux annoyance. “You bet not say shit to him.”

“He would get so mad! I swear!” He laughter hardened at the thought of agitating his twin.

Kissing my teeth, I playfully cut my eyes at him. “Go to the next picture.”

“Who is that?” I tilted my head, peering at me and a blonde haired girl that hadn't been in any of my memories.

Larry chuckled. “One of Lau's exes.”

The next picture was of me and another unfamiliar face. “Another ex?”

“Yeah.”

“What the fuck?” I shook my head with confusion. “Am I the president of Laurent's harem? Did I even like them?”

“I think you do,” He shrugged. “They both nice but not really talk to you after my twin be stupid.”

I made a sound in my throat but said nothing as Larry clicked forward to the next picture.

My breathing completely stopped when a younger me sans clothes and common sense consumed the screen. My eyes widened to double their size as I took in my too thin eyes brows, red tinged hair and thinner frame.

“Larry, what the fuck?!” His laughter filled the room yet again only this time I didn't find anything funny. I was confused. “Why the hell am I naked?!”

“I love this picture.” He sang as his eyes roam across the screen. “You don't remember this?”

“No!”

He chuckled. “You do this for my birthday.” His hand moved to his chin, rubbing the sparse hairs there as his eyes stared unmovingly at the screen. “This my favorite picture.”

“Who even took this? What was I even doing?” I was in utter disbelief.

This move totally sounded like something I would do for him but it was weird seeing it. Seeing me – my younger self, before marriage and failed pregnancies and stress from life posing candidly for my man, my love.

“You take. With time thing.” He explained, still looking at the screen.

“I don't remember my hair ever being red.” I noted, swallowing my initial shock.

“You change it fast.” My response took form as a distant sound in the back of my throat. “You send nudes always. I don't know why you so shocked.”

“This ain't just a nude.” I chuckled. “It was planned. This looks good.”

“Believe me,” He eyed me with a mischievous smirk. “They all look good.”

“I guess it's just weird seeing me at the stage of my life. I know this is when were happy.” My words were enough to disintegrate his smile.

“We go through a lot but I think we mostly always happy. I want you to know that.” His voice had taken on a solemn quality.

“I do.” I nodded. “But you know, the bad has a way of smudging out the good.”

“If you let it.” He muttered, switching to another picture.

“Wow.” I tooked in the aged photo. “I don't remember my granny much but I dreamed about her the other night.”

“What happen?”

“Uh – I was grown and she kept asking me about the baby.”

“Oh.” His voice and eyes dimmed.

“It kinda fucked with me but that's all my brain seems to do anyway.” I shrugged.

“You talk about her a lot – you used to.” Larry supplied the information with ease. “But she die when you young – 12 years old.”

“I loved her.” I knew that to be a fact.

I couldn't really remember or voice or envision her face without pictures but I knew she meant a lot to me. She was a safe haven, a major pillar in my life. She was my peace.

Larry slowly clicked to the next picture which dragged me further into my emotions. It was my mom and I. Sensing that he would skip it for the sake of my mental state, I grabbed the remote.

“I um –“ I cleared my throat as my eyes roamed the picture. “It was her birthday the other day.”

His expression told me he knew. “Why you not say anything?”

“Why didn't you?” I shot back and he shrugged. I didn't need his verbal answer because I already knew it. He didn't want to make me sadder than I already was.

“With losing my memory I kinda feel like I'm living some sort of weird ass second life. It's hard to explain but –“ I paused, peering at my mom. “It feels like my mom and my granny are only people that I've heard really detailed stories about. Like, you know how someone tells you about a person and you start to feel like you know them?”

He nodded as his eyes moved cautiously over my face. I could sense that he was waiting, and preparing himself, for me to crack. I wouldn't.

“That's how I feel. It's fucked up because I know my mom and granny – knew them. But it feels like I didn't. It feels like in this life,” I quoted with my fingers. “I'm super disconnected from them. My memories of them are sparse and far apart. It's weird.” I sighed, moving to the next picture before eyes that used to calm me like no other deduced me to tears.

“Chink,” Larry called only to be ignored.

“This bitch.” I hissed, eyeing a picture of Erin and I on somebody's beach.

“You know, we can not look at this right now.” Larry went for the remote but I quickly dodged him, switching to the next picture. “Come walk Millie with me and then we eat.”

“I'm fine, Larry.” He sighed but didn't protest as another picture of Erin and I came up.

“You remember a lot for her?”

“Hmmm.” I hummed. “I do but I swear in every memory me and her are fucking arguing.”

His brows rose. “Really?”

“Yeah, makes me wonder how we were ever even friends.”

“Maybe is just what you remember because you get along good with her. I mean, you fight sometimes like me and Lau but who don't.”

His words were hard to process and even harder to believe. My memories had shaped Erin to be more of a frenemy than anything.

“Well,” I sighed as another picture of my mom and I came up. I could tell it was around the time she started getting sicker. “She wasn't such a good friend after all was she?”

Larry knew exactly what I was talking about and I could tell from the look in his eyes that he didn't want to linger on the subject. He was smart.

“Where were we?” I paused on a picture of me in the pool.

He chuckled. “How you know I take this?”

“Wild guess.” I rolled my eyes.

“Tulum.”

“Old pictures of you make so happy.” I murmured, peering at a younger photo of him that I'd probably taken.

“Why?”

“I don't know.” I whispered the lie.

Old photos of Larry represented a love that was true – one without betrayal and lies and secrets. Old photos of him represented a time where he saw only me. A time where he considered himself to be deserving of my love and saw me as being equally as worthy of his – all of it. In the past I had no doubts or worries or fears – I had hope for a forever and Larry, then, embodied that. He'd been my future, my salvation – my remedy.

Silence drifted into the room and I did nothing to push it away. I used the silence to my advantage, focusing solely on bits and pieces of my past.

Jumbled up on this lone photo disk was everything. Things I'd forgotten, things I remembered. There were pictures of me as a lass, photos with family members I'd some how forgotten, pictures of the twins and all their awkwardness. The disk that I'd had made due to my paranoia was now acting as my saving grace.

It was proof that I had indeed lived a full life where I'd been happy and whole.

“What do you want to eat?” I quizzed, knowing I needed to talk to him. I'd look at pictures all day to avoid the task and I knew doing so was bad for both of us.

“It's a Brazillian spot down the street, or Mr. Chow.” I shook my head, knowing I didn't wanna go to Mr. Chow. That place put my mind too close to Pierre.

“I kinda want breakfast.”

“Cafeteria?”

“Yeah,” I muttered still halfheartedly clicking through the pictures.

“Okay, I walk Millie first then we–“ My gasp cut him off.

“Chink!” He called, seeing what I saw.

Acting fast, he went for the remote but it was too late. My eyes burned from familiarity, my heart ached from remembrance.

I dropped my face into my hands, wanting to unsee my bronzed skin, untamed hair and vivid green bikini because with those components came a protruding belly that housed a baby that hadn't made it. A precious baby boy named Laurent. An angel Larry had the chance to see and hold before he passed on.

My baby was only a part of my imagination. Up until this moment I'd never seen a picture of me pregnant. I had no stretch marks or maternity clothes. I had nothing but distant memories and the words of Larry.

“Fuck,” I whimpered, feeling Larry's arms along with a ton of dread wrapped around me.

Instead of soothing me he smothered me in angst, and regret. His warm hold felt constricting instead of comforting. His low murmurs echoed in my ears, morphing into rage filled howls. Even his scent that was usually tantalizing now reeked of bitterness and ire.

I winced as he apologized. His 'sorrys' and 'I didn't knows' pounded shards of repentance deeper into my heart. My pain coiled around my spine, blinding me with agony. With every second it intensified as the source shifted. Soon my tears weren't based on the child I'd just seen encased in my tanned belly – the one I'd lost. My tears now derived from the child that I hadn't allowed a chance to make my belly swell – the one I'd gotten rid of.

“I'm so sorry, Larry.” I croaked, my chest rattling as the words came to life on my tongue. “I'm sorry.”

“Marlee, it's okay, my baby.” He cooed, peppering kisses on my forehead.

He rocked me like a child, determined to dead my pain. He coddled and cosseted me when it should have been the other way around.

Larry was so many things. He was selfish and self-serving but nestled between the two was selflessness. It amazed and saddened me at the first same time.

In a matter of months I remembered a man who'd left me hanging when I needed him most while also experiencing a man who would carry me on his back to peace with his last bit of strength.

I could remember loosing our first child and feeling alone even though I wasn't. Larry had been there for me in every way yet I managed to push him away. We fought a lot and when we weren't fighting I was busy isolating myself. I remember feeling like loosing my baby affected only me, though Larry had lost the same thing. I'd blamed myself because it was my body that was designed to house and nurture our child and hadn't.

The second time around had been even more difficult. Reality had set in, making it apparent that I wouldn't be a mother without certain stipulations – stipulations that excluded my body as a whole. We had options, surrogacy and adoption, but I had no interest in either. And I think my failure to comply, mixed with my depression and overall poor attitude encouraged Larry to distance himself from. I didn't blame myself completely but I understood the part I played in that phase of our marriage.

By the third pregnancy, which was anything but planned, our marriage was inches away from the dumpster. In fact, immediately after the child was conceived what was left of our union deteriorated. My fears of both having another warped pregnancy and being alone led me to the abortion clinic. It had been a solo effort that Larry hadn't known about until after and in retrospect I felt terrible about it. And those feelings were raining down on me like shards of glass.

“Stop cry,” He urged as my wails grew in strength and sound, rattling my body. “Please don't cry, baby.” His lips were close to my ear, making it impossible for me to miss the pain webbed between his words.

He'd lost what I lost, I reminded myself. And he'd just seen the very same picture I'd seen yet instead of reacting to his own trauma he worked to rid of mine.

“Larry,” I murmured, freeing myself from his hold. “I'm so sorry.”

I was able to easily spot the confusion on his face even beyond the blur of my tears.

“Sorry – why baby?” He pulled me back to him but his eyes never flitted from my face.

“The abortion – I'm so sorry I got the abortion.” He froze and every part of him that was warm went cold.

His grip loosened before eventually falling away, leaving me to drift alone in my self-inflicted misery.

“Wha?” He blinked, furrowing sparse brows.

“I remembered,” I rasped.

A heavy bang at the door yanked me from my midday nap. Over and over a fist pounded at the door, fueling my anger and quickening my steps.

My quick movements caused a slight amount of pain to tug at my womb but my eagerness to figure out what the fuck was going on forced me to brush it off.

Not using my best judgment, I ignored both the peephole and ability of my own voice to figure out who the maniac on the other side of the door was.

I yanked the door open only to be met with the reddened face of my husband. His eyes were red and I couldn't tell if he'd been crying, if he was high or if he was suffering from extreme exhaustion.

"What you did?!"

"How did you find out where I was?" I asked though I already knew.

"I ask you one time and don't lie to me," His heat pressed against me as he moved forward. His anger pressed into my neck, making it hard to breathe. "Did you get abortion?"

The question was posed in the calmest manner but I saw right through it. I heard the slight rattle of his voice, felt his fury radiating off of his lengthy frame. And his fear, I could've smelled it from a mile away – it reeked, poisoning my suite with its pungent flare.

"Answer!"

My sharp intake of air soiled my calm façade just as his quivering voice had done his.

"If you're asking the question you already know the answer." I muttered numbly, moving away from him and further into the suite.

His hand curling around my wrist stopped me. "Say you lie, please?" He pleaded as his grip grew more constricting with every syllable. "Please," He begged.

I didn't respond. I couldn't.

"Marlee, please baby, tell me is not true." He was desperate for a truth I could not give him.

With a sigh, I dislodged my wrist, ignoring the present throb. "I can't carry children to term, Larry."

His neck nearly snapped in two as he jerked his head back. His nostrils threatened to tear as they flared and his every cranial vein pushed his skin to the limit, protruding dangerously.

"You said it yourself, my body can't carry kids." The 'private' conversation he'd had with his twin had nothing to do with this but I didn't care.

"You get abortion – yes or no?"

"Larry—"

"Yes or no?!" He roared, disturbing everything in the room.

"Yes!"

The silence that filled the space was deafening. The pressure made my eardrums pop and eyes water.

He was so still and so quiet that had I not been looking at him I would've been sure that he was gone. But he was wasn't. He was still there rooted in his spot as though he was glued there.

His eyes blazed with enough fire to wipe out of New York as he glared at me. I'd never seen so much disgust in his eyes – felt so much hate. My glare matched his, going against everything that I ever thought we would be.

Here we were, staring each other down, in a hotel suite I'd run away to after aborting his child, with enough heat and energy to build an atomic bomb. I never dreamed we'd turn into this. I never foresaw myself looking at him with such repulsion. I was nauseous and it had nothing to do with what I'd paid a doctor to do to me.

"I don't know why you mad – you don't even fucking want me." I snapped, pacing around his frozen frame. "Why don't you go have a baby with that Luzy bitch."

My words jolted him to life and within seconds he was in my face. His atomic heat melted away my resistance but I refused to crack. I refused to reveal that inside I was weeping and still longing for everything that he was.

“Don't ever say that shit to me again,” His voice was a low growl.

“Whatever.” I muttered, not knowing what part set him off the most – the part about him not wanting me or the part about Luzy.

“Y–you get pregnant and not tell me, Chink?” His voice cracked despite his effort to keep it steady.

“I called you, and where the fuck were you?! Where the fuck were you?” I pushed him and when that wasn’t enough I slammed a fist into his chest. “Huh?!”

“Stop touch me.”

“Fuck you, Larry!” My fist met his chest again.

“Fuck me?” His eyes blazed with fury. “You say fuck me when I come to you after find out that you get abortion? You my wife, Marlee.”

“And it seems that you only remember that when shit don’t go your way.” I scoffed. “I can’t have kids, Larry. I didn’t need your permission or approval to do what I did.”

“Is just as much my baby too, Marlee! How you so selfish?!”

“Selifish?”

“That’s what I say.” He deadpanned. “All this times we try for baby and it never be right because of whatever and you just get rid of one and it can be okay.”

A gnarly mixture of disbelief, anger and pain marred his face. His eyes blazed, showing his fury – they matched mine but our anger was rooted from two different places.

“And if it wasn’t?” I challenged only for him to refuse me an answer. “I can’t take another failed pregnancy, Larry. I’m not strong enough for that.”

“You say it like you have to be strong by yourself.”

“I don’t have you! Fuck you mean?!”

“I'm not you boyfriend or some guy you just fuck – I'm your husband!” He roared. “A decision like that can't be made without me!”

“Now you wanna be my husband.” My laughter was cold. “Get the fuck out.”

“I not leave until you tell me why you did what you did,” He growled, stepping even closer to me. “And why I go to Erin house to look for you and she tell me you have abortion?”

His admission knocked my world off its axis and nearly knocked me off my feet. My mouth fell open but nothing came out – not even a whisper of a breath..

“Answer!” He roared, pressing his forehead angrily to mine.

Ignoring both Larry and his rage, I moved away from him and over to the bed where I'd discarded a pair of sweats. Once they were covering my legs, I went for the pair of Jordans that hadn't housed my feet since I checked in days ago.

I felt Larry following me and heard his voice but my severe tunnel vision disabled my ability to react to him. Robotically I moved around the room, dressing and murmuring to myself. When I was dressed I spared him one last glance before leaving him alone in the suite.

His calls were all that followed me as I moved down the hall towards the elevator with my key card in my pocket and rage in my heart.

"A huge part of me feels like I made the right choice based on my physical ability to carry a child and my mental stability when it came to not being able to but—" I paused as Larry wiped at tears that wouldn't stop streaming. "I know my health wasn’t the only factor in my decision." I admitted to him for what I was sure to be the first time.

My memories painted a picture of an apathetic me, one who hadn't cared how Larry felt about the decision I'd made. I wanted redemption, though I was sure if I could do everything all over again I would've made the same choice while being more cognizant of Larry and his feelings.

"I was hurt and bitter and lonely but regardless of all of that I should have never excluded you from that decision." I sighed. “I'm sorry for that.”

“I forgive you.” I was more than positive that he'd said the words aloud moreso for himself than me. He needed that, and I understood.

“Thank you.” I whispered as his face nestled against my neck.

My hands moved to his scalp in an effort to comfort but deep down I knew there was nothing any part of me could do to make him feel at ease. I was lifting rugs, sending everything we'd swept under them flying everywhere. We were both uncomfortable – me because I was forcing myself to expose my deepest, most inner thoughts and him because I was bringing up shit he longed to forget.

"I remember thinking that you didn't want me and that you wanted Luzy because she could give you what I couldn't – and when she said that exact thing in those texts something in me died." I wanted to put him as close to knowing why I'd done what I'd done. He would never understand or relate but I wanted to grant him as much clarity as possible – even if he didn't want it.

"For years I felt like shit because I couldn't give you a baby. And I know it hurt you that I wouldn't try with other options like surrogacy." I sniffed, ignoring the fresh wave of tears that drifted down my face.

His lifted his head, peering at me with the saddest eyes I'd ever seen. They were damp and red but I knew he wouldn't cry. His selflessness would tug him away from his own emotions to tend to mine. And to prove my point, he reached out swiping my tears away with a gentle thumb.

"But I think you think I get mad and blame you and I don't." He insisted. "Yes, I want my way and I want baby but I understand and respect your feelings."

"Yet you went and told another woman about our... issues. You confided in her. You exposed my biggest flaw to her and," I wiped roughly at my face, completely over the waterworks. "I know you weren't being malicious but it felt like it."

"I just talk to her like my friend. I never complain or talk bad for you I just think I can trust her and tell her some things." He gripped my hand. “And I'm sorry for that. I know what she do embarrass you and make you look crazy and everything I say to her not right – I know this. Chink, I never love her or even want her – she just remind me of you when you happy and–“

“I hate when you say that.” I snatched my hand away from his. “Because I would never in a million years do what she did! So don't tell me that she reminded you of me. I'm not like that.”

“I'm sorry.” He quickly apologized and I nodded my acceptance.

Quiet consumed the room and I briefly wondered if we were even getting anywhere. We were exposing old wounds and saying things we should have said eons ago but for what? Were we trying to move on together? Or move on from each other? Was this closure? Or the peace we both longed for?

“How did this become us?” My questioned prompted more tears.

“We make so many mistakes.” He took my hand in his. “But I never stop loving you, Marlee.”

“How?!” I sniffed. “I did such a terrible thing to you.”

He frowned. “How you can ask me that when you love me no matter what I do? In the past and even stupid shit I do just 3 months ago?”

I shook my head. “I forgot everything – you never did.”

“And now you remember all the things I not want you to. So you don't love me anymore – because you remember?”  His next breath was dependent on my response.

“Of course I love you.” I was almost offended.

“So I supposed to stop love you after you make one mistake when you love me no matter how many dumb shit I do?” I didn't answer – I couldn't answer.

He stared at me with an almost peeved expression, making me feel foolish. I totally understood what he was saying but what I'd done – the way I'd done it – was a lot.

“What you do,” He sighed, looking off. “It kill me. It break my heart – bad. And for so long I live my life angry about it – angry about you not tell me, about how I find out, about how I never know why,” He trailed off as his eyes trailed over the open space of our livingroom.

“I'm still pissed.” He looked down at me, not bothering to tend to my tears this time around. “I pissed off that you didn't tell me, that I was not there to hold you and make sure you okay when you do it – and I'm pissed off because I never know if that baby was a healthy one.” He breathed a sigh that caused his body to vibrate.

“Larry–“ I whimpered only for his voice to stampede over mine.

“But I know your fear and I have that fear too so I would have never in my life asked you to even be pregnant long enough to know if that baby was healthy – I just wish so bad that I was a part of that decision.” His weeping eyes fell onto mine. “But I get it – I know you and everything I do and I get it. You wrong for it but you human. I put you through so much and not be there when you need me so you act  without me. I get it.” He was pounding the declaration into his own head. “But I'm still pissed.”

By now my tears had blurred my vision completely, making a mess of me. I sniffed and snotted, quaking against Larry as a mixture of guilt, angst and longing loomed in my lungs.

“Marlee, you have to forgive yourself.” Larry spoke, gripping my chin and raising my head. “This not about me forgive you – you have to forgive you first.”

“I can't.” I whined, covering my face with my hands.

“If you don't how you be happy – how we can be happy?” His speaking of a we made my soul quake.

I wanted so badly understand my feelings but I knew I never would, and because of that I wanted to bottle them up and toss them away. My memory wasn't sharp enough to understand. I felt disconnect from myself and damned near every decision that I'd ever made. The only thing I was sure I'd done right at this point was love Larry.

“I don't know.”

“I remember even when we young you feel like you don't deserve so many things – even me. You focus so much on all the bad that happen to you in your life that you try to push away the good because you think you not deserve it, or something bad happen to it.” He pulled my hands away from my face and stroked his fingers gently over my eyes, granting me sight. “You deserve everything you want, Chinky.”

He caressed my cheeks and stroked the pad of his thumb over my lips. “And I pray so hard to god that you still want me.”

-

I hope we can start brand new ‘cause I don’t wanna lose you..

[shirohibiki]

AAAAAND TALKING ABOUT THE NEW SPONGEBOB EPISODE, ‘OUT OF THE PICTURE,’ HERE! or at least, first impressions and what i remember and yadda yadda. full analysis to come when they upload the episodes to the site (which i wish was right now sobs)

i know literally no one cares about me rambling about episodes, but hey. i enjoy analyzing and i just love talking about this show :’D spoilers below! ‘patrick’s coupon’ post is here! this one is really long i’m sorry omfg

okay, so... the premise for ‘out of the picture’ is really fucking terrible. like it’s positively awful and they should have NEVER written such a thing. i’m angry about it, BUT... i’m not as angry as i could be because it led to some beautiful things

so beautiful, in fact, that it made my terribly scribbled notes even worse. my handwriting is atrocious on a normal day, but it’s at least a little better than this. this is what my notes devolved into:

i think that about sums it all up, yes?

so, right off the bat, we see some BEAUTIFUL paintings from squidward!!! like wow, those were amazing! he really is an incredibly talented artist. i could never fuckin’ paint like that, let me tell you. he did some really awesome stuff, but in the end, art is subjective and it’s played up for comedic effect, so y’know. typical reactions of disgust/disdain/whatever. larry’s reaction was kinda extreme, but ok lol. AND THEN, WE SEE SPONGEBOB HAS ALREADY BOUGHT ONE OF SQUIDWARD’S PAINTINGS!! AND BOY DOES HE LOVE IT!! and it’s not just any picture, folks: it’s COINCIDENTALLY a picture of a knight sweeping a swooning princess off of her feet. and now okay both of the subjects seem to be squidward (WAIT THAT CHICK RESEMBLES THE ONE I WAS GOING TO WRITE IN MY FIC THOUGH THAT’S SOME MATERIAL) so it’s kind of weird, but we all know him by now. i just think it’s Very Interesting that spongebob picks that one, of all the pieces. “oh, i wish a squidward in shining armor would sweep ME off of my feet~...”

uh huh. yeah. so now the whole deal is mr. krabs bought some of squidward’s art and is now trying to kill him so his art will be worth something??? totally uncalled for. but oh mygosh, when squidward picks up those pennies mr. krabs paid him?? HE WAS SO HAPPY??? i need to see that again because it was adorable. but yeah so krabs sends him on potentially perilous delivery runs and instructs spongebob NOT to go. the first one was a delivery to a whale who lived in the snowy mountains and of course squidward is freezing and tired and he falls... and there’s a snowman that looks an awful lot like spongebob. and squidward looks at the snowman and says “spongebob..?” hopefully, because when you need help, who you gonna call? that’s right. spongebob then ACTUALLY shows up (IN THE CUTEST OUTFIT EVER!!) and squidward’s defenses go up and he’s like “UGH WHY ARE YOU HERE”

spongebob plays it off like he was just passing by if i recall correctly, which is TOTAL BULLSHIT. there is literally no way he didn’t follow squidward up there to help him. it was so obvious, lmao. at that point, i think i remember spongebob TAKING SQUIDWARD INTO HIS ARMS AND CARRYING HIM??? be still my heart.... maybe i imagined that but i’m pretty sure lmao. suffice it to say, they return home safely and mr. krabs is angry because he’s a jackass and sends squidward out again and tells spongebob he can’t go. at some point sb was trying to distract mr. krabs and out of nowhere was like “your eyes are so pretty~.” and krabs got all bashful and it was fucking HILARIOUS

i don’t have anything to say about the mars delivery, but the other REALLY IMPORTANT ONE:

ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!

GUYS THEY BROUGHT ROCK BOTTOM BACK HOLY SHIT I WAS SO HAPPY

I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT!!! EEEEEE ROCK BOTTOM!! squidward is alone and afraid and yet again spongebob shows up to help -- he tells squidward that the rock bottom residents aren’t monsters, but are his friends! and his friends are excited to see him AND THEY HAVE A PARTY!!!!

AND SQUIDWARD STAYS AT THAT PARTY!!!!!!!

I’M FUCKING LOSING MY MIND GUYS THIS IS INCREDIBLE, HE AND SPONGEBOB COME ROLLIN IN THE FUCKIN KRUSTY KRAB LAUGHING WITH THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER AND CONFETTI ON THEM AND HOLY FUCK I CAN’T DEAL NOPE I AM GOIGN TO EXPLODE OH MY GOD I’M SO HAPPY!!!! YES!!!!!! YES YES YES MORE OF THAT!!! MORE OF SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD HAVING FUN TOGETHER OH GOD PLEASE YES

OH AND THEN, I ALMOST FORGOT -- there was a chase scene where mr. krabs was hunting squidward, and spongebob grabbed squidward and pushed him down into hiding. he was sitting right on top of him, right on his lap, and squidward was like “ugh get off of me!” and sPONGEBOB WAS LIKE “i’ll never get off of you, squidward!!” and then something about wanting to keep him safe or something AND I JUST

I JUST

i’m fuckGIKNGFG i can’t deal holy shit. THE SQUIDBOB... IT IS TOO GREAT... YES... THEY THREW ME A BONE AND I GRATEFULLY ACCEPT THAT BONE. it’s not exactly what i want (read: actual relationship progression and character development), but it’s something -- ohh, it’s something. and it lets me know that they still ship it and still want us to see it. 8) the idea of the episode is terrible, but oh my god there were so many cute moments, i can’t be too mad. i’ll properly assess when i can watch it again. oh my god i loved it <33333333

[cecilspeaks]

Episode 104 - The Hierarchy of Angels

I know you are, but what am I? What am I? What am I?

What. Am. I?

Welcome to Night Vale.

I should start today with something happy. In his speech yesterday honoring the life of Old Woman Josie, Larry Leroy out on the edge of town, and Josie’s closest neighbor, told a story about his pickup breaking down a few years ago. Josie had stopped on the roadside to help him push the old Chevy the mile or so to his house. In the last few hundred feet, the truck picked up momentum on the sloped road, and it rolled out of their control into a large cactus. They heard a surprised yelp, and saw Telly the Barber wide-eyed and sweating, holding a pair of shears. Josie and Larry laughed and laughed. Even the surprised Telly laughed. Larry then asked Telly why he was cutting that cactus’ hair. Telly gulped and ran away, still laughing and sweating profusely.

Larry told the gathered mourners that he didn’t have many friends in town, but Old Woman Josie was always kind to him. Always a smile, always happy to help. Always good for a giggle when she caught Telly giving cacti haircuts.

 The services were beautiful, you know that. You were all there. We were all there. I know I said gathered mourners but in a way, we were gathered celebrants, extolling the great life of a great woman, now gone. Today is the scattering of her ashes and the city is working to fulfil Josie’s wishes. They are joined in this endeavour by several beings claiming to be angels. The city is trying to ignore the angels’ request to help because it is illegal to acknowledge the existence of angels, so… we’ll see how this goes.

The dozens of five-headed dragons, who came to our world after the botched, yet partially successful execution of fellow dragon Hiram McDaniels, are still in town. Hiram’s sister, Hadassah, had promised vengeance for the wrongful murder of Hiram’s violet head. But after several weeks of setting fire to local businesses, and devouring a few of the more muscular human citizens, the dragons have gone mostly silent. Their aggression’s now limited to some blatant jaywalking and loitering. There has been one report of an unidentified five-headed dragon hurling a crumpled Fresca can basketball-style at a trash bin, missing the trash bin wildly, and then picking the soda can up and gently tossing it into the bin, only to have it clumsily fall out and back onto the ground. Onlookers were shocked to see that the dragon did not even attempt a third put-back, and the can is still lying on the ground this very moment. The can is still. On the ground. Mayor Cardinal has called on the Sheriff for stricter enforcement of minor offenses, so they do not escalate into more sinister crimes. Plus, she added, if we do not clean litter from our curbs, the street cleaners might show up, and we simply cannot afford the loss of innocent lives that would cause. More on this as it develops.

Josie’s daughter Alondra Ortiz, who came to town last year to be with her ailing mother until Josie passed away, is now sorting through Josie’s estate and documents. Alondra said she found no will in Josie’s files, only a piece of paper that said: “It all belongs to the angels.” But Alondra noted the handwriting was written shakily in thick Magic Marker, and every word but “it” and “the” was misspelled. She believes the beings who claim to be angels wrote this, not her mother. The angels responded, “nuh-uh”, and then nervously wiped their brows with clearly ink-stained hands. Alondra hired in an estate lawyer to help sort out liquidation of her mother’s assets. Alondra said she just wants to be done with all this and go back home. When asked where home was, Alondra responded, “I don’t remember. Why can’t I remember? That’s not important, I mean it’s super-important but not to this discussion. Oh god, what is wrong with me, with this town?” A single-engine plane then flew across the horizon behind her, trailing a banner that read, “Ooooh! I found some teeth!”

Listeners, some of you have asked about our intern, Kareem. He’s been at the station for so long, about 16 months, much longer than any other intern in recent memory. Well, I’m sorry to report he’s no longer with us. He was a good intern and he will be missed. Kareem changed majors from communications to Earth sciences and no longer needs this radio internship. He is taking classes with Professor Simone Rigideau at Night Vale Community College. Simone is not actually employed by NVCC, and in one of Kareem’s last journalistic endeavours here at the station, he even found a copy of her death certificate, dated 1983, although she does not show any signs of being a ghost. But apparently her knowledge of Earth sciences intrigued Kareem enough that he wanted to change career trajectories. Kareem told me on his last day, which was today, like five minutes before I started my broadcast is when I find out about this. He told me Simone knows what happened to Night Vale, why Kareem’s family doesn’t know him anymore, and why he can’t find Mitchigan, or whatever is home state is, on a map. I’m just happy Kareem is pursuing his dreams, even if he’s gonna lose alll those journalism credits! And today’s filing will have to be done by an overworked radio host before he gets to go home to his husband. Gonna be a looong path to that degree, Kareem! I’m sure you’ll do great. 

Listeners, I’d like to caution you away from driving near downtown. Road crews have shut down all streets in all directions, as a construction team is building a series of elaborate rollercoasters and amusement park rides, many of which do dives and loops around, under, and through the surrounding buildings and even roads. It’s complete gridlock all over downtown, with cars unable to drive into or out of the jam. On the plus side, there’s a pretty cool looking Aquaman ride that does a double-twisting loop through a large pool of water that is elevated more than 50 feet off the ground. Mayor Cardinal is on the scene arguing with the construction team about their lack of development permits. The construction crew, who are all tall glowing beings with wings, showed the Mayor a piece of paper that said, “This is all totally fine, Josie said we can build this, OK? Signed, City”, written in a Magic Marker and nearly every word misspelled.

Allondra Ortiz’ lawyer, Emilio Tavarez, filed an injunction to halt the work, saying that the funds used toward the construction of these rollercoasters were part of Josie’s estate, and were being misappropriated by the so-called angels. There is no documentation showing Josie wished her money to be spent this way, Tavarez explained. The construction team then mumbled, “A dummy says what?” And Tavarez said, “What?” and they all laughed, including the Mayor who then added, “Yeah but yeah seriously, you need building permits, even if you are fulfilling the elaborate wishes of the deceased.” We’ll have more on this soon, but first, a quick break.

Hi, this is Cecil. Leave a message! 

Steve Carlsberg: Hello, Cecil? It’s Steve. OK, I’m not sure if you’re there or not. Last few times I called, you said to leave a message at the tone, and then halfway into my message you interrupted me and said, [Cecil impersonation] “Ha ha, Steve. You fell for it again.” So I’m just making sure you’re actually there this time. I have something I wanted to tell you so you could report it on your show. Are you there, Cecil? I don’t wanna fall for your trick again.

OK. Well. I was getting some coffee over at the Spiky Hammer, and I held the door for this woman I didn’t recognize. She just stared at me, didn’t say thank you or anything. I mean, I don’t hold doors for approval, it’s just a nice thing to do, but she efforted to not thank me, you know? And then when I stood in line, she stood right next to me, her face just inches from mine, staring at me. I tried not to look, it’s not nice to stare. She didn’t say anything for the longest time, but right as I placed my order, a large crab legs macchiato with (quad shot) and whipped cream, she started whispering loudly in my ear! I couldn’t understand what she was saying, and it made it difficult to talk to the barista. And then, when I turned to ask her politely if she wanted me to get her something, she was gone. Oh I wish I could remember what the woman said. Oh gosh. It was something like, hmmmmmmmmmm..

[voice distorts] The Woman from Italy has come back to town. Nothing can stop her from tearing it down! She lives for your screams, makes meals of your tears. She revels in chaos and deals in your fears. 

We all huddle and hide from the pain yet to come, huddled hidden with loved ones, perhaps she’ll spare some.

She brings the torture, the trouble, the stress, so can you order for her a double espresso?

[normal voice] Well I don’t remember what she said. If I think of it, I’ll call you back. Anyway, sorry I missed you Cecil!

 Cecil: I’m here, Steve! You totally fell for it.

 Steve: Oh, oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho, you got me!

 Cecil: Basic stuff, Steve.

Steve: Sure is! Wow, you got me good! [chuckles]

Cecil: I tease you because I love you, Steve.

Steve: Aww, Cecil. I love you too, big brother!

Cecil: Just kidding, I’m not here! Please leave your message after the tone. [beep]

Steve: Hello? Cecil, I’m not sure what just happened. I guess I’ll try again later.

--

Sorry of the interruption. Oh, looks like I got a voicemail. Oh, it’s from Steve Carlsberg. Well, never mind, there’s breaking news right now.

Stay far away from downtown, listeners. The traffic jam caused by the halted construction project is in great danger. The cars are honking noisily, people are abandoning their vehicles, but the Sheriff is asking everyone to seek immediate shelter. Several dragons are converging on the scene. The dragons have everyone in the congested area completely surrounded. They are walking – no, stomping toward the helpless citizens trapped in traffic. Night Vale, do not go out on the roads. The dragons have us exactly where they want us. What a disastrous trap! Be safe.

And as I try to find out more on what’s happening in downtown, please hear this important weather report. 

[“Qualified” by Sammus feat. Open Mike Eagle, sammusmusic.bandcamp.com]

Here is the secret hierarchy of angels.

Deceased humans can become angels, but few humans do. Angels are immortal beings, but not all of them are former human souls. Some are animals, some plants. Some outdated electronics.

They are all named Erika with a K. All angels are equal to all other angels. They share all memories and all physical sensations. They experience everything simultaneously. Their minds are overwhelmed with enlightenment and pain.

They have no centralized leadership, but they do have committees, lots of committees. These committees do not have titles nor objectives. The committees simply emerge as needed. 

Angels are wealthy, but do not understand currency. They will often ask to borrow 10 bucks.

Angels have no bodies, only visual projections of winged, barely humanoid forms. These forms are dreamed up by those who see and acknowledge them, and may vary based on the viewer.

The secret hierarchy of angels is an ethereal mass of feelings and thoughts made manifest by necessity. They’re only individual beings because we imagine them so, but they are collectively beings.

It is illegal to speak of or acknowledge in any way the secret hierarchy of angels. But. I. will. Acknowledge it. here, on the radio. I’m an objective journalist, which does not mean I have no morals or opinions, just that I can be self-aware of my biases and emotions, yet still report a story transparently to you. You may not agree with my point of view, but I will do. My. Best. To give you the information you need to decide that on your own.

In the case of the angels, I acknowledge them. I see them! And because Josie always said such, I too believe that they are real beings, and are entitled to Josie’s estate. So does five-headed dragon Miriam Adelman. She’s a lawyer, and the angels hired her to represent their case for management of Josie’s will.

Oh, the dragons did not do any harm to those in traffic today. They were simply the legal team coming to help facilitate Josie’s final wish, which was to build a Night Vale sculpture garden, complete with the usual rollercoasters and tilt-a-whirls, and an enormous ferris wheel. 

Josie wanted to have her ashes scattered underneath (Jacobo Manzu’s) [0:22:17] famous sculpture, “Top Thrill Dragster”, which is a 400-foot drop and reaches over 120 miles per hour. Adelman and her legal team managed to push through the sculpture garden construction, which is now complete, and Josie’s ashes have finally been honored in the way she wanted. Alondra ceded this ground because she understood how important this town was to Josie. But she added, “My mother’s home, her belongings, her money, her legacy – these are all I have of my family. I have no siblings, no cousins, and no parents. I am the only Ortiz left. I do not know or understand Night Vale,” Alondra said. “I do not believe in angels, nor dragons for that matter, I just want what is left of my mother’s memory, and then I want to go home, wherever that is.” The city has declined to hear further arguments about estate ownership from Adelman or her angel clients, as the dragons are not licensed to practice law anywhere on this Earth, and their clients, the angels, don’t legally exist.

The secret hierarchy of angels is a cloud of knowledge, formed from the collected experiences of the deceased. Josie might be among them now, or she might know. All I know is that Josie loved Night Vale and we loved her.

I am going to go to the sculpture garden today to pay my respects. Carlos and I will hold hands and lay flowers at the ash-strewn base of (Manzu’s) towering masterpiece of contemporary sculpture. And then, we will purchase a souvenir photo of ourselves screaming in joy and sorrow, while engaged in a 120-mile per hour freefall, demonstrating our fervent arts adovacy, exactly as Josie would have wanted.

I hope all of you will join me in honoring not only the life of Josefina Ortiz, but the lives of the angels who loved her too.

Stay tuned next for hosts Josh and Chuck and their wildly popular show, “Stuff You Shouldn’t Know”, which as usual will be an unbroken reduction beep for 30 straight minutes. No one has ever heard Josh or Chuck speak.

And as always, good night, Night Vale.

Josie was beautiful and angels are real!

Good night.

[365daysofj2]

Another Year Older (Library AU, 12/?)

Jared struggles to ring Jensen’s doorbell with one hand full of takeout bags and the other holding two wine bottles, also bagged, that he doesn’t want to bang around too much. He ends up just leaning his shoulder against the tiny switch instead. When Jensen opens the door, his face lights up. “Hey! What’s all this? I thought we were going out?” “Let me in and I’ll explain.” Jensen steps aside. “Here, let me take something.” Jared hands him the wine, which he carefully sets on the counter. Jared places the two takeout bags on the dining room table. “I chilled the wine as much as I could, but I only bought it two hours ago.” Jensen takes the bottles out of the bag and raises an eyebrow. “Cremant? I didn’t think you knew French wines.” “I don’t. I Googled “wine with sushi” and that’s what it suggested.” Jensen’s thousand-watt smile comes out in full force. After the dreary, stormy day they’ve had, it’s a welcome ray of light. “You brought sushi? I didn’t think you liked sushi.” “I don’t like the raw stuff, but there’s cooked stuff I like,” replies Jared. He starts unpacking the takeout bags. “I got shumai and soft shell crab, and then Sushi Deluxe for you, with the miso soup, and California rolls and coconut shrimp rolls for me.” “This is officially the best birthday I’ve had since I turned twenty-one,” says Jensen with a delighted smile. He crosses the room and throws his arms around Jared, kissing him breathless. “It’s the least I could do,” says Jared when Jensen finally lets him up for air. “I know it’s been a really rough couple of weeks for you.” “I haven’t even told you what happened yesterday,” says Jensen, his face clouding over. “You were in trainings all day.” “I got your text that said you banned Larry. Did something else happen?” Jensen nods. “He threatened to kill himself when Aldis tried to escort him out.” Jared’s mouth drops open. “You’re fucking kidding me.” “Nope. Aldis asked him if he was a danger to himself or others and he was so frantic that Aldis called for the ambulance anyway, but took him over to the DJ’s office to wait for it, so he was off property.” “God, I’m so glad you’re done with this shit for a year,” says Jared, rubbing a hand down Jensen’s back. “Come on, let’s eat. If the food doesn’t cheer you up, the wine definitely should.” Jensen goes back to the kitchen to pour the wine. Jared starts opening containers and separating the wooden chopsticks. But naturally, Jensen brings a wooden set with painted cherry blossom boughs to the table in a small wooden chest. “You know, you’re so pretentious that I should hate your guts, but instead I find your stuffiness incredibly endearing. What is wrong with me?” Jensen sets two full glasses of sparkling wine on the table. “I could reach for a cliche, like ‘love is blind’ or ‘opposites attract’…” He curves a hand around Jared’s neck and tilts his head up for a kiss. “But instead, I’m just gonna thank whoever’s up there for putting you in my path.” Jared grins. “Happy birthday, Jensen.” “Sure is,” replies Jensen with an even bigger grin. They both start eating then, dividing the shumai and crab appetizers between the two of them and then sorting out the various rolls. Jared ends up giving half of one of his coconut shrimp rolls to Jensen when he starts drooling over it. It’s a shrimp tempura roll with crab and coconut flakes and two different sauces on top, and it’s the whole reason Jared goes to Empire in the first place. Well, that and the half-price sushi Sundays. “It’s too bad your birthday wasn’t on Sunday,” says Jared. “We could have ordered even more.” “Oh, God, this is plenty,” says Jensen, wiping some stray dumpling sauce off of his chin. “This is amazing. Thank you so much. I know this wasn't cheap.” Jared smiles. “I’m full time now. I’m rolling in the dough.” Jensen laughs so hard he almost chokes on his spicy tuna. “We work for a nonprofit. Shit, even Jeff doesn’t make more than 50 grand. That’s gotta be about half what he’d make in a for-profit company.” “Did you talk to him yesterday?” “Yeah. I called him after Aldis removed Larry.” Jensen sets a shrimp tail back on his plate. “He was totally supportive. He said that the Reference department at ESA is buying us donuts, they’re so grateful to us for getting him out of their hair. And they only deal with him two days a week!” “Wow, are you serious?” Jared loses a piece of cucumber from his California roll and struggles to pick it up with the chopsticks. Jensen chuckles. “Yeah, he said Ruth would be by tomorrow with them.” “Man, I miss everything good.” Jensen stops with a piece of salmon nigiri halfway to his mouth. “I would have given anything to have you there with me,” he says, almost too softly to hear. Jared sets his chopsticks down and covers Jensen’s hand with his. “I’m really sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.” Jensen shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. You did more than enough. You kept me from falling apart, and I’m incredibly grateful for that, because I don’t think I could have gotten through this without you.” His voice starts to shake on the last sentence. Jared stands up and steps behind Jensen’s chair to wrap his arms around him and kiss his jaw. “I will always be there for you. I promise.” “Thank you,” whispers Jensen. Jared kisses him once more and returns to his seat. They eat in silence, and when they’re finished Jared refuses to let Jensen help him clear the table. “It’s your birthday. You’re not allowed to do chores.” Jensen heads to the stairs and waits for Jared to tie up the full garbage bag. “When do I get to unwrap my present?” Jared follows Jensen up the stairs, and at the top he grabs him and throws him over his shoulder. “You may be the birthday boy, but I’m the one getting the present.” Jared charges into Jensen’s room and throws Jensen down on the bed. He jumps on top of him and unbuttons his shirt with lightning speed. In no time at all, Jensen is stripped bare and laid out beneath him, cheeks flushed pink to match the tip of his now-hard cock. Jared pulls his phone out of one pocket and connects it to Jensen’s Amazon Echo. He starts the playlist he made before he came, and soon Bad Company’s “She Brings Me Love,” bursts forth from the speaker. Jared reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his other surprise—a bottle of raspberry massage oil. He sets it on the bed next to Jensen and makes quick work of his own clothes, tossing them in the same pile as Jensen’s. Then he squeezes a dollop of oil into his hand and starts rubbing it into Jensen’s shoulders. “Mmm, smells good,” murmurs Jensen. “Sweet.” “You’re a sweet guy.” Jared gently blows on Jensen’s shoulders, eliciting a full-body shiver. Jared leans down and kisses a trail along Jensen’s collarbone, pausing at the hollow of Jensen’s throat to graze his teeth over the sensitized skin. Jensen moans and throws his head back, thrusting his neck even further into Jared’s grip. Jared gently bites down, drawing a hiss from Jensen, then soothes the area with his tongue. Jensen tastes like summer, sweet like a berry cobbler but with a hint of spice, that little tang of musk that’s uniquely Jensen. “You’re also the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, even if you are over the hill.” Jensen chokes out a bark of shocked laughter. “I’m not forty yet, asshole.” Jared frowns. “You’re not?” Jensen shakes his head, his hair tickling Jared’s forehead. “Nope. Thirty-nine.” “I think your birthday’s wrong in Sierra,” says Jared. “‘Cause it’s listed as 3/1/76.” “It’s 3/1/78,” replies Jensen. “I’ll have to go in there and fix it tomorrow.” He shakes his head. “Sierra issues. That’s, like, the least sexy topic in the known universe.” “No, the Dewey Decimal System is worse.” Jared grins. “Did you know that the Dewey Decimal number for sex is 649.65?” “And you call me nerdy?” Jensen mock-glares at Jared. “That’s it, you’re banned from speaking for the next five minutes.” Jared glares right back. He squeezes more oil into his hands and massages it into Jensen’s pecs, which are really firm for a thirty-nine-year-old Branch Librarian. He dabs a drop of oil onto each index finger and starts circling Jensen’s nipples, coaxing them into hardness. Then he takes one between his lips and starts flicking his tongue over it, collecting the sweet oil and eliciting deep, almost pained groans from Jensen. “Fuckin’ tease,” mutters Jensen. Jared opens his mouth to sass back, but remembers that he’s still got a couple minutes left on his sentence, so he instead moves to Jensen’s other nipple and flutters his tongue over the sensitive bud in a way that makes Jensen buck his hips and moan deep in his throat. Jared starts rubbing Jensen’s abs with the sweet oil, making wide circles with his palms and drawing little breathy gasps of pleasure from Jensen. “You can talk now,” says Jensen, as Jared directs his attention to the ridges of Jensen’s hips. “And Jesus Christ, would you get to the fireworks factory already?” “Don’t you have any stamina any more, old man?” teases Jared, dabbing more oil onto his fingers. He slides one slick hand up Jensen’s shaft to the tip, flicking a bead of precome off the slit with his thumb. He tastes it, and the combination of salty and sweet blows him away with how right it is. He immediately squeezes more oil onto his hand and starts coating Jensen’s dick with it, paying special attention to the head. He lightly runs a fingertip around the underside of the head and Jensen bucks his hips so hard he nearly puts Jared’s eye out. “Fuck!” “Sorry, sorry,” breathes Jensen, sounding anything but. Jared pins Jensen’s hips to the mattress with his free hand and continues to spread oil over Jensen’s dick with the other. When he takes Jensen’s cock into his mouth, the sweet taste of the oil is almost overwhelming. Once he’s removed a good deal of it, Jensen’s heady musk starts to come through, cutting the sweetness with a hint of bitterness and spice. Jensen’s panting and moaning, and Jared gently presses a fingertip behind his balls to pleasure him further. Jensen grits his teeth. “Fuck, would you just—” Jared releases Jensen’s cock with a succulent pop and presses his spicy-sweet lips to Jensen’s. “What do you want, birthday boy?” he whispers, lips brushing over Jensen’s with each word. “Stop teasing and fuck me already,” growls Jensen. “That’s your birthday wish?” “Jared, I swear to God—” Jared covers Jensen’s protesting lips with his own. “You got it, babe.” He reaches into Jensen’s nightstand drawer and grabs a condom and lube. The massage oil is water-based, so he doesn’t need to worry about it being all over his hands. He sets the bottle of massage oil on the nightstand and spreads lube over his fingers instead. He eases one into Jensen’s hot, tight hole, and Jensen gasps. “Yeah, yeah,” he whispers, head thrown back. Jared adds another finger in short order, but Jensen grumbles impatiently. “Come on, just do it.” Jared starts to scissor. He’s not a small guy, and he doesn’t think two fingers are quite enough, so he adds a third as fast as he’s comfortable with and hurries the process along. “Finally,” mutters Jensen when Jared eases his latex-clad cock into Jensen’s slick hole. Jared silences Jensen with his own lips as he starts to thrust. He has to break away for air, though, but Jensen seems to have gotten the message. “Fuck, yeah, harder,” he rasps. Jared fucks Jensen as hard as he dares, and Jensen’s lips quirk up with pleasure as he gasps and moans and writhes underneath Jared. He keeps tilting his head back, so Jared peppers the long golden expanse of his throat with little kisses, each one tasting sweeter than the last. Jensen squeezes his eyes shut and the cords in his neck stand out as he sucks in bursts of air. “‘m so close,” he groans, and Jared redoubles his efforts. It’s only a few moments before Jensen comes with a ragged shout, sinking boneless into the mattress. Jared thrusts a few more times before achieving his own release, and once he’s freed his own cock, he collapses next to Jensen, pressing a few last kisses to his collarbone to taste the summery sweetness. “I love you,” breathes Jensen, kissing Jared’s flushed cheek. “I love you too,” murmurs Jared. “Happy birthday.” “The happiest in years,” replies Jensen with a satisfied sigh.