#i totally 100% understand not wanting to watch the rich assholes show and not wanting to see posts about it

[pleuvoire]

ok i’m about to feel so annoying and cringe and like going over to the dark side of popular tumblr fandoms or whatever but. can i say something that actually annoyed me about one of the submitted reasons for succession being on the most annoying fandoms blog

kind of cracking up at the image of succession fandom containing lone brave fighters who dare to say “stop feeling emotionally attached to these characters because they are bad people, also, you guys need to analyze the themes of the show more” cause in my experience everyone and their mother in succ fandom loves to analyze the themes of the show constantly, it’s something that’s made it a very enjoyable and interesting experience for me to lurk in this fandom because people always have really interesting insight. and... guess what... a huge portion of the themes of the show is abuse and cycles of harm and the characters’ personal issues. that’s just how it is! and you’re supposed to feel sympathetic to the characters and their personal issues at the same time you see the harm they cause, because the two are inextricably linked! like, “the characters in succession are all terrible rich people but they all have massive emotional issues that you can’t help but pity them for” is THEE starting premise that everyone watching the show including normies and redditors comes away with, it’s not subtle at all and it’s not something that needs to be restated over and over. does this person think “engaging with the themes of the show” means scrupulously refraining from feeling emotional attachment to anyone involved. do they think it means never ever making jokes about how tom is your silly rabbit or whatever. do they think it means standing around repeating “did you know? these characters are all bad people and capitalism is bad” to each other endlessly. that’s the opposite of engaging with the themes of the show. you can critique how the show itself goes about striking a balance between showing the characters’ evil side and their sympathetic side (i personally think it does a good job there, no need to hammer it in) but in that case that’s the show’s fault, the fans are just responding to the text

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[theblackbirdsgemimagines]

May I request for the Leona, Vil, Azul and our boy Jack getting stuck in their MC's world and their experience? (MC is with them)

Oh sweet Jesus akdhakdhsk FORGIVE ME OF MY RATHER CYNICAL OUTLOOK ON OUR LIL BLUE PLANET 😬 I think it’s understandable to be more cynical than ever in this Hell Year, lolll

Send these poor, sweet babies back home, they deserve better than to be stuck here of all places 😅 ESPECIALLY JACK AAAAAA SAVE THE BABY 💔

Ok, not even going to play with you... Vil would thrive, lol.

Just give him time enough to stop panicking over all his lost clothes, magic, etc., and find new things that works for him and his detailed self-care routine, and whatever he chooses to do, he will make Fat Stacks in.

He’s the male version of Belle Delphine, here ajdhakdhsj

He appears anywhere, on tv with some company to continue his performer career he had back home, or on youtube/instagram, and he is almost immediately just as famous here as he was in Wonderland.

Can we really blame anyone, tho? Look at him.

And there’s no Neige here!

Also, ‘my’ Vil is definitely the one that knows there are many different ways to be beautiful~. He may be a bit more blunt to his friends if he thinks they’re not quite hitting the usual mark their talents place them in. But that’s only because he cares about them, and wants everyone to see their best, as he does~. He’s an absolutely encouraging sweetheart to anyone else/a beginner at whatever their passion is, though~. And either way, he’s your best cheerleader~.

Of course he still just doesn’t feel himself without his magic, or ability to do potions. I don’t think he’d find the witchcraft in our world would suit him very well.

If he was really stuck for good, of course he’d make the best of it. But if he could go home, especially if you wanted to go back with him, he’d jump at the chance. And always be on the lookout for the chance.

But that being said, I think, aside from all the world’s problems, of course, he’d find it interesting just how similar, and vastly different, things are here.

He donates Ass Loads to so many charities, like honestly.

Rich boy knows his privilege, and lets others ride off his advantages as much as he can. 💜

He becomes friends with James Charles. You know he does.

You can’t be truly fully beautiful if you’re not also lovely on the inside, too, after all~!

Rip Rook wherver he is, he is lost without his Queen 😔

Gosh, in direct contrast to Vil, Leona probably suffers the most over here?? Jahdkshdj

I know they based his sleep habits off a irl lion, but that also sounds just a Tad Bit like possible depression to me (along with a lot of the other ways he’s behaved so far, lol).

Get this sweetheart to some therapy, maybe?? Help him get a lil energy boost at least to help him feel better 💛

He’s going to HATE the work pace people have to maintain just to eat here, 100%.

He enjoys the entertainment the most, though~. Video games, things you can watch online, all those sorts of things~. Might like a few of our sports, too~.

Poor bby struggles with having to work, though, please help him 💔

At least he doesn’t have to live under being Forever Prince, here, and doesn’t have to worry about turning anything he touches to sand. And the lions in the zoos are pretty cool to go see~!

He’d probably love it if he could go to Africa and see what our “Afterglow Savannah” looks like here~. Meet the lions that are in the wild~.

I imagine he and Jack would both lose the ears for human ones, and the tails, too. (😢💔) So he probably feels weird seeing himself like that, and might miss his tail. Especially if it helped him with balance. Give him some time to adjust to it~. There’s these neat new tails people made for cosplay, that can move around on their own, if he’d like one to help him not miss his old one so much~!

I had to really think about what the heck he’d even do for a job, cause he’s so grumpy to everyone, retail’s just OUT, lol. And I don’t think he’d be that great at something like youtube, either ajdhsjjd

It’s hard for him to not just lay around all lazy, rather than think of stuff to do for it/actually get up and go do it. Let alone all the meetings, and interacting with fans, and the like.

So maybe actually being one of the zookeepers would be a good fit for him~. He’d be obligated to actually go, and he’d get to be around lots of different animals~. Might help him feel more at home, too~. I think he’d be pretty good at it, and the animals would probably be drawn to him~ 💛

He’d also absolutely challenge the authority here (or anywhere else that has appalling governments, especially if they’re not run by women). The state of things, and the way women and minorities are treated by white men around the world, and men in general, would absolutely appall him. He so drunk on that respecc women juice, he just can’t wrap his head around what the hell the problem is with those rich assholes in power. Put him in power, and he’ll ruthlessly show them what-for! ALL the others behind him would be women! Good grief, humans!

All in all, he doesn’t mind it here, but would also prefer to be home, where he can sleep more, and Ruggie can run around for him most of the time, lol

Besides, that allowed him to spend more time with you~! 💛

(LOOKIT THAT HAPPY BOY SMILE!!! I’M DEAD 💞💞💞)

Oh, Jack. Sweet, sweet Jack.

He absolutely becomes a personal trainer as a job, here. 1000%. He lives that Exercise Junkie Lifestyle, there’s just no doubt about it.

He’s VERY encouraging to his students, though~! Build up that beef, guys, he has total faith in you~! 🤍🤍

He absolutely loooooooves going anywhere to see wolves. He’d probably really love the wooded mountains in Europe, if you ended up there, or in Oregon/Washington if you ended up here in America~. Definitely Canada, or Alaska, too~! Just give him huge trees, snowy winters, and nearby mountains, and he feels right at home~.

Idk if he’d miss his magic a whole heck of a lot, tbh?? But he WOULD miss his friends and family! It’s just not quite the same here, though he thinks it’s beautiful and interesting to see where you came from~. 🤍

He’s a good boy 😭

Also appalled with the state of so many rulers and governings both in your home, and around most of the world, lol.

He can’t stand seeing so many people suffer like that! How can they possibly live the life that’s the most healthy and happy for them to live, disabled, chronically ill, or not, if they’re suffering under an iron fist all the time?!

He CAN’T stand for it. You won’t stop him till he sees good change starting to finally happen. Especially if you live here! There’s no way he can just sit around and have you be subjected to that!

HE’S A GOOD BOY 😭

You gotta calm him down a lot and remind him there are others just as good and kind as he is, fighting to change things too 🤍

God help people if he gets here anytime within 2020-2021. He’s sucker punching nearly everyone he sees without a mask.

He’s also sucker punching every nazi he sees, too.

My goodness, please show him the movie Wolf Children! He’ll hide the fact he’s crying multiple times through it, but it’s one of his favorite movies here~.

If you do manage to go back to Wonderland, please try to bring a copy of it with you. It’s the one thing he’ll miss most, and keep asking to watch with you again, before remembering it doesn’t exist there. 😭

He also misses his tail and ears a lot. Losing all of that + his senses would be very a very awkward adjustment for him, and he wouldn’t really like it poor bby 💔 Give him lots of hugs to compensate U-U 🤍

His favorite thing to do with you would probably be to go hiking, and stay in a little cabin in the woods, for a week or two~. Somewhere in one of the previously mentioned places~.

(I couldn’t find a chibi gif of Azul to use, rip 😭)

Azul is just straight up becoming a mafia boss, probably wkdhakdjjs.

He’s the ‘good’ kind, though. He’s learned his lesson since his overblot, and he won’t outright kill people for not paying him back, or introduce drugs, or anything like that.

He’ll help people obtain what they want as legally as possible... But that doesn’t mean he still won’t be sly as hell about it, haha~.

He’ll protect loyal/good customers and the areas they live in, too~. In fact, he’d probably reDUCE crime from doing so.

He just learns all the dirty ins and outs of everything about how things run here. And as much as he’ll fight for change as the others would, because there’s no way any of that is an acceptable way for you to live, he’ll work dirty in order to take advantage of the system, to do so. What better way, right? Make the dominos fall from the inside out.

He’s a good business man, he knows doing so would also benefit him, too.

He’s like Bruce Wayne if Bruce Wayne was a rich mafia leader jeehskdje

Need health benefits to work for him? Covered. Need above-average pay to actually afford your bills and other stuff? Covered. Need education to do a job for him? They’ll train you.

He’s also practically a Gordon Ramsey, tbh. Lots of his bars will pop up across the world, if he stays here long enough, lol. But they’ll all help a good number of people, in doing so~.

He also donates as much as he can, too. If he’s gonna become even a fraction as rich as Jeff Bozos, he’s ending world hunger and homelessness every year.

And boy oh BOY will he swindle the rich akdhakdhwj

He will whip them so hard, they won’t know what the hell hit them.

He may have been under restrictions at the college, but he sure as hell isn’t here. Watch out as he spreads his tentacles wings.

And, of course, he adores being anywhere near the coast. Doesn’t matter what part of the world you’re in, he just needs to be by the sea.

All the polution absolutely breaks his sweet little heart, and that’s one of the first things on his list to fix. Dealing with trash back home was much easier... you could just zap it all away at big trash fields. But you don’t have that luxury here.

Being that he doesn’t really like his ocotpus form (bbyyyyyy 😢💔), he probably doesn’t mind the permanent legs. At least he doesn’t have to constantly take a potion to keep them, anymore.

But it’s still awkward to get used to. And he can’t stand that he can’t breathe underwater anymore, or go too far down without dying from the pressure.

He’ll dive as often as he can~. And loves to dive, or snorkle, or just swim~, with you, if you want to join him~.

He does miss his home, if only for the beauty and familiarity it had, despite a lot of bad memories around it. But there’s no doubt he’d thrive here, in a way only he could~.

He totally believes your own version of mermaids exists, and gets excited over anything that could prove it to be true 😅

Plus, he’s just obsessed with how marine life works here in general~. If he can juggle being a freakin maffia boss, and a marine biologist just out of the pure love for it, I have no doubt he’d do it~.

Humans most likely evolved from creatures in the water?? That’s amazing~! So the ocean feels like a distant memory of a second home~! He’d love to bond over that, the romantic~ 💜

[vohalika]

hello, this is random but.. could u please tell me some of your fav things about vex? i don't often see people who Really Like Vex and we need more of that

Well, well, well, anon.

I have literally no idea how long it has been since you asked this of me, but rest assured I have not forgotten! Well, okay, I had for a while, then I saw it again and was like “oh, right, huh… And would you look at that, I’m about 100 posts away from 100,000… Wouldn’t that be a good one…”

So. Here we are! An unstructured rambling of all the reasons I really, really love Vex, somewhere between superficial and embarrasingly personal, to celebrate this arbitrary number of things I have spread around on this hell site.

Okay, first of all, the only thing Laura had to say to Kit Buss for the official art was “make her hot”. That is a Statement. And boy did Kit and also everyone deliver on that.

Like seriously. I didn’t use to be a fan of feathers in hair or white armor, but good god does she make it work.

Hey, I said this was going to be extremely superficial

Another thing I really didn’t use to like, twins. Overdone and usually poorly executed. But our girl made a Point out of being as different from her twin as she could be while at the same time being completely believable siblings.

I swear to god I’ll do my absolute best to mention Vax as little as possible. This is not about him.

Third thing I really couldn’t stand! The one, usually female, team member with a pet! Closely related to the one with the nature powers! I don’t know, these just always rubbed me the wrong way in media before, probably because I also never really cared for shows or movies about animals. Fight me.

And yet here she is, and she is not the “won’t somebody think of the children animals!” type of gal and Trinket is amazing and it still ties into her personality on a larger scale without being preachy.

I have a fourth thing. I also really don’t care for elves, ever. Everybody hates them. And then she turns around and makes me cry about the elf thing. Good god.

Yes, watching the first episode way back when was an uphill battle. There’s a reason I started with episode 69 and then watched the rest.

Nice.

Vex has the best worst sense of humor. No, really. I’m not even talking about that time she made a comment about the boy with the shot off fingers not having much of a future as a musician. But I’m also talking about that. And that time Scanlan tried having a meaningful monologue about having a daughter now. “I’ve defined most of my life by the people I slept with, and now…” - “Well, technically, this is still kinda defined by that.”

(Shoutout to Percy “I was just thinking that”)

Also, “We don’t do anything with dignity”, “I only serve gods with big dicks”, “You might live forever, but you will still be fucking ugly”? Girl is iconic, even if her sense if humor is usually pretty inappropriate for the given situation, she just can’t help it. I relate.

On a related note, it is so easy to play a similar archetype and have her just be this always dignified and above the humor kind of stuck-up. It’s basically how most people would have written her (and a certain someone did). But not our girl, oh no.

Also, I recently made a post about this, but we really, really don’t talk enough about how she’s just the leader of the party. She is. No, really, lower your bitch sticks, y’all. She’s the one to talk to the most NPCs, she’s the one to usually say go, and everyone just naturally adheres to her. It’s never forced, it’s never an “I, as the leader” moment, and she doesn’t try to wrestle her way into the role. It’s just what happens naturally.

Which also means she’s good at stepping back and letting other people shine for a bit. But still, Vex is the reason they didn’t just flounder around like a chicken without its head after Scanlan left. Laura was late to two sessions in campaign one; the first one was already in an extended battle scene, and the other was literally spent in a bedroom in hell waitinig for Vex to tell them what to do.

This is why scholars are generally of the opinion that Vex is the only Top in VM. And also what intellectuals refer to as Big Dick Energy.

Let’s talk about what the assholes call Greed. Yes, Vex is, out of all of them, the most pre-occupied with gold and loot. But she NEVER hoards anything for herself, never spends any of her own gold on herself even until the timeskip, leave alone the party funds.

She looks out for the interests of the group, makes sure they get the best possible deals and are paid what they are owed. And she’s the only one to ever worry about money, too, whereas everyone else never bothers to think about it. Hence why her and Vax split the cost of paying their staff after the party spent all the funds early on.

Look, I find her worries very indicative of growing up in poverty with her mom, than surrounded by rich and important people but locked out of the loop, and then poor and on the road again with Vax. I find it very relatable, and everyone who claims that looking out for the financial well-being of the party is “greedy” is lucky enough to never have had to worry about eating next month while also making rent.

There’s Safety In A Fist Full Of Diamonds, okay?

No really I need y’all to read that and send it to the annoying bitches who complain.

Vex is literally never stingy when it comes to helping people with the money she made sure they have. Remember how she didn’t even flinch at spending a five digit number to free angel boy slaves?

WHICH LEADS ME TO ANOTHER POINT. Vex. Vex has a serious hoarding problem. But not when it comes to money of earthly possessions. No. When it comes to PICKING UP STRAYS.

It’s how she got Trinket.

It’s how she got the angel babies.

It’s what she tries to do with the grey render baby.

It’s what she suggested they do with the dragon eggs in the Raishan fight

(LET! VEX! HAVE! PET! DRAGONS!)

IT HOW SHE GOT HER OWN GODDAMN HUSBAND OKAY.

I have no idea how she hasn’t adopted her own zoo by the time VM forms. Though I can totally see her opening orphanages in Whitestone, both for people and animals and creatures of all kinds, really.

Remember when she was the only one to protest the punching of a spectral ghost cow?

The hardships of her youth made her, yes, very afraid of being out of money, but also made her compassionate as fuck. She’s always down with helping people even if there’s little to no coin in it, okay? Stop overlooking that, assholes.

SPEAKING OF COMPASSION. Remember what her original beef with the Vasselheim potion seller was? That he took advantage of Grog being intellectually challenged. Which is what he did! Blatantly so! And he wasn’t the least bit sorry about it!

I mean, I bet he is by now, but, you know. Karma.

When Laura says Vex just wanted justice and then everyone else escalated that scene she is goddamn right, rewatch your own footage Matthew.

Oh god do I have to talk about broomgate now. I don’t want to talk about broomgate.

OKAY

Broomgate is literally the only time in the entire series that Vex ever takes something for herself. Was it the morally right thing to do? Maybe not. Though to keep in mind that a) Hardwick is a piece of shit, b) they literally met Gern when he had the skeletons of Kiki’s dead civilization dancing for him; Vax shanked Nothics for less, c) and this was hot off the heels of fighting a necromancer in the last big arc, too, d) they were on a mission to kill dragons. That fly. With no method of flying for the majority of the party. Vex always intended to use the broom for that purpose, so you could make the legal argument of commandeering it instead of stealing, and, finally, e) SHE HAD JUST FUCKING DIED

Why do we never talk about that

Other characters get cut all the slack for what they do after just dying

Other characters get cut all the slack when they steal from other guests

Other characters get cut all the slack when they withhold loot for the party

Other characters DIDN’T GET AN ALIGNMENT DROP FOR DOING WORSE SHIT THAN THIS

WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT BROOMGATE

WHY WAS BROOMGATE EVER EVEN A THING

okay

okay

MOVING ON

Hey, while we’re at dying. Remember how Vex spent the day after she, literally, died, trying to make sure the person who was to blame for her death was okay? She did that. And Percy was uncomfortable with it, visibly so, but also too guilty to call her out here.

And no one. NO ONE. EVER. Bothered to check in on how she felt after dying.

Vax made it all about the sacrifice he made, Percy felt too guilty, NO ONE ELSE CARED.

And what does she do? Soldier on. Try and cheer Vax up and support him in any way she can.

Honestly, learning the Raven Queen book by heart and then telling him that being the champion of a god is really fucking cool? Relatable. Relatable as fuck. You go girl.

And TO THIS DAY. ACROSS TWO CAMPAIGNS. Vex has been the only one. THE ONLY ONE. To EVER check up on someone after they died. Jester might eventually be the second one, but, you know. I am a big advocate for post-death and just post-big-battle-in-general aftercare cuddle piles or whatever. Someone tell the cast to implement that immediately.

And while we’re at death, let’s talk about THE DARKNESS

There are dark facets to her character. Vex never makes her own issues everyone else’s problem and they go largely unadressed, but they’re there.

Saundor brought up the story about how she got Trinket and had to kill for the first time while doing so.

(Sidenote: Saundor doing more research into her character than an actual writer is extremely telling.)

That was definitely traumatic for a young girl and I don’t mean to dismiss that, but that’s also the part I can understand Vax dismissing when they talk about it later on. They do kill a lot of people after that and this was self-defense, so hey, okay. Fine.

HOWEVER

That short story was indicative of many other things that torment Vex. Mostly her low sense of self-worth.

Like, her entire inner monologue is centered around how stupid she was for getting into this situation in the first place (= for being taken advantage of by criminals at the tender age of probably like 15), and how this would never have happened to Vax, who was away in the city to take care of them.

And we see that low sense of self-worth bleeding into Vex’s character throughout the campaign. That’s part of the reason why she spends the day after her first death making sure everyone else is okay. That’s also part of the reason she blames herself for Scanlan leaving and acts like she’s completely fine when he returns just so he’ll stay.

Honestly that short story is so insightful and explains so much about her, I don’t know how anyone could claim to have any grasp on her character without reading it.

(Also, Laura should write more, she’s talented)

Now a significant part of her self-worth issues obviously also ties back into her time at Syngorn. I can just hear people getting out their tiny violins, oh, waaah, she wasn’t one of the rich, cool kids in elf school, poor her.

But that’s not entirely it?

Like, just that is already plenty to fuck a person up. I’ve been there, too.

But let’s just say the fact that her dad was also cold towards them and acted like they were unworthy is a BIG part of what fucked her up. Call it daddy issues if you feel like being dismissive about a genuinely traumatizing upbringing, but that’s how it is.

And don’t get me wrong, if this were the traumatic childhood olympics, it’s not exactly up there and relatively tame for the background of a character in a fantasy story, but it is very true to life and extremely relatable, and Laura just executes it so well. So, so well.

That’s part of what makes the entire stretch of Feywild episodes so great. From what we see of Vax’s reaction later on, Percy is the only person she ever talked to about this - or at least the only one who ever listened - and he immediately got it. And instead of yelling at her about how amazing she is, he did something to make her feel better about herself. Without making it about himself, by the way.

I enjoy a fake married plotline as much as the next gal, but Percy giving her a title she’d have to earn by her own merits is soooo much more meaningful than just putting a fake ring on her, okay?

Yes, at the end of the day, this is basically a Cinderella fantasy. So what? No, really. One of the best things about Vex and her arc is that it validates feeling upset about not measuring up in superficial, material ways. And it validates getting your come-uppance. These are, as mentioned above, experiences that can really mess with a person, but we’re usually supposed to be above it all because money and titles don’t make you happy.

Also something only people who never struggled financially can say/believe unironically and without specifying.

Hell, that’s about 70% of the reason I’m considering getting a Ph.D. if I happen to get the grades.

I’m also not a big fan of the term daddy issues, but I can’t deny that this is a thing here

not the thing they went into the Feywild for, buuuut

ahem

So. Remember when Laura said during the campaign wrap up that Vex thought of Scanlan as a father figure and everyone was like whaaaaat? And I was like ahahahaha, I knew it.

This is so tragic, really. Because she tried so hard so many times to help Scanlan and be nice to him and he just brushed her off. And then she’s the one who volunteers to spend the night all by herself in some dirty pub far, far away after opening up to his daughter about her own issues to bring him back alive, and then gets yelled at, and never apologized to.

And then he comes back and tries to erase her memory and not only is that never even brought up, she also just doesn’t even think she might be owed an apology because a) she still blames herself for him leaving because, you know, they never really talked out what happened there and b) she’s just too happy for at least that father figure returning to them to make much of a fuss about it, and Percy, bless his heart, TRIES, but it’ll take a few more years of marriage to talk through all of her issues

And like. I am not wild about anything that happens after episode 99. If I’m known for anything in this fandom on this platform it’s probably for that time I was really into the Ioun discourse, which I still stand by, btw. And I personally would have preferred for Vex to maybe get someone like Sehanine as her patron, as fitting as giving her yet another unworthy and disapproving father figure in her life might be

But there is also something somewhat gratifying about everyone talking about how great she is. And she had been sort of working for Pelor before that. Also, the headcanons about her having sun spots or starting to glow when she gets emotional after this are amazing.

So I made my peace with that. She deserves better, but hey, she always does.

She is so smart. So extremely smart. People roll their eyes at her battle plans and say it’s all Travis feeding Laura information, but Travis fed her nothing that time she schmoozed up to the Briarwoods while also making herself appear extremely superficial and unthreatening. Honestly. That dinner scene? Prime Vex. Amazing Vex.

Her battle plans are also so good. Pokeball-ing Grog out of the kill box? Using the Goristro against Vorugal to save the party a trip into the abyss? The only plan of Vox Machina that ever worked out basically perfectly? Amazing. And even IF Travis told Laura these ideas, that means literally nothing in relation to how smart Vex is.

And btw I don’t believe that for a second. People just aren’t good with acknowledging that sometimes, D&D playing women might actually have good ideas.

And she just is so street smart. With her skills, her battle plans, and just her way of handling people. There’s a reason she is the natural leader when it’s not someone’s turn in the spotlight at the time.

Like, the two things holding her back were that her class was extremely underwhelming, so much so that it got completely revamped in the Unearthed Arcana to make up for how bad it was in the PHB, and the fact that she just. Has, what. 1.5 episodes of her own storyline? Even Pike got 2. It’s amazing that I can even say this much about her with how little narrative focus she got throughout the series. And most of what she did was literally due to Percy using his plot clout and putting a foot in the door to force her into the spotlight.

Speaking of which. Percy’s best quality, next to being self-aware of how fucked up he is and actively trying to do better and be kept in check, is how he realizes Vex is the coolest, smartest, most amazing person around and treats her accordingly. The way she deserves to be treated.

Oh hey I mentioned to get this far without even mentioning the romance arc. And oh my god THE ROMANCE ARC. The pining. The slow burn. And the fact that we actually saw them together and later married for like 35 episodes. They were so good for each other.

And yes, PERCY WAS GOOD FOR HER. And Vex was not his therapist and manic pixie dream girl. None of that bullshit here. Percy was already firmly on the path to being better before he even considered that crush he has had on her for forever to turn into something more.

And by he was good for her I mean that he actually UNDERSTOOD her and where she was coming from. Refer again to the titling issue, where Vax is just confused and kind of pissed, Percy got it. And that’s important.

Something I have not made a post about so far, by the way, is also something people have called problematic and co-dependant is how Percy shares his darker impulses with Vex in hopes she’ll talk him out of it. Which she does, and it’s never hard, but that also means so much to her? Because he involves her and tells her exactly what is going on with him and values her opinion? And that is just exactly what she needs? And they’re so good? THEY’RE SO GOOD.

WHEN DOES YOUR OTP EVER

HE COULDN’T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER DREAM

This is more on Laura, admittedly, but also, it was just so great to see her unapologetically pursuing this romance? There’s a place at the table for a 72 episode slow burn, and she’s gonna go for it, and there’s nothing any of the dudebros who are just here for the fighting can do about it.

And also Vex is just so unapologetically sexual at the same time. From episode 1 onwards, really, and in general and just limited to Percy. And no one ever treats that as weird or bad or anything. It’s just who she is and that’s great.

And she fought. So hard. For that happy ending of hers. Kicking and screaming, against the world and against Taliesin’s determination that Percy is irredeemable and not capable of getting a happy ending. Defy that auctorial intent, my girl. You deserve it.

Seriously. Seeing her get that happy ending against all odds was unfathomably gratifying and validating and I’ve never connected to any single character or narrative at large for that matter this much and this intimately, and considering how I came across this story at one of the darkest times in my life, I probably never will feel so strongly connected to anything ever again.

Which is probably for the best, but hey. 

Aaaand there you go. An almost unstructured, epically long list of reasons I love Vex. Dammit, I talked about other characters way more than I intended, buuuut hey. That’s how it goes when you’ve got an ensemble piece, they’re all kinda interwoven.

Thank you this wonderful ask, anon, and reason to celebrate my 100,000th post on this site in style.

[metalandmagi]

Hogwarts House Anime Recommendations pt 2: Slytherin!

A couple years ago, I made some posts with anime recommendations based on Hogwarts houses. And in case you haven’t noticed, there’s been a lot of new anime that’s come out in that time, and I’ve thought of some other things that I think people may have missed. And I was bored…So if you have ever wanted some anime recommendations with the same general themes and tones, maybe you’ll find something here.

Other house recs:

Hufflepuff pt 1

Hufflepuff pt 2

Ravenclaw pt 1

Ravenclaw pt 2

Slytherin pt 1

Gryffindor pt 1

Gryffindor pt 2

It’s time for SLYTHERIN, the house of ambition, cunning, resourcefulness, and evil determination!

Kaguya-Sama Love is War: Have you ever wondered what would happen if Light Yagami and Lelouch vi Britannia were secretly in love with each other but were too tsundere to confess, thereby engaging in a constant mental battle over who would get the other to confess first? Well that’s Kaguya-sama! It’s a hilarious comedy/romance where two overly intelligent student council members are forced to come up with ridiculously elaborate schemes to get their crush to confess first because neither of them wants to sacrifice their dignity and put their feelings on the line. 

This was one of the best shows of the winter 2019 season, and that’s saying something considering how stacked this year has been for anime. The protagonists are 100% Slytherin material for obvious reasons, and they’re both so likable because they really make the audience understand why they do what they do...even though their schemes are absurdly complicated and involve so much strategy it feels like you’re watching Game of Thrones with high schoolers. 

Assassination Classroom (Ansatsu Kyoushitsu): A comedy in which a bunch of middle schoolers are tasked with murdering their teacher before the end of the year or the world will literally explode. But it turns out the teacher is kind of cool and helps the kids with their life problems, so like...is it even worth it to try and kill him? If you haven’t seen it around, it’s the one with the yellow smiley-faced octopus guy. It’s got one of the most entertaining casts of characters around with a super fun premise and a standout animation style. MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT HAS A COMPLETE AND SATISFYING STORYLINE WITH AN ENDING! It’s not going to leave you hanging on another season.

This is one of those shows where after I got to a certain point, I couldn’t wait for the next episode to be released, and I had to go read the manga because it was just that intense. It has four main characters who are total Slytherins (because yes, both Nagisa and Kaede are Slytherins) but all in different ways. And while every single character is ambitious and is driven to kill for the sake of the world, they’re also all super cunning and strategic with their assassination plots. I wouldn’t last a day in this classroom. This is one of those shows where you start off thinking it’s going to rely all on its silly repetitive premise, and then you realize accidentally got super attached to everyone and maybe you don’t want to kill the teacher after all and oh God when did I start crying?

Kakegurui: When a seemingly normal high school girl named Yumeko Jabami transfers to the prodigious Hyakkaou Private Academy, she finds out that everything in the school revolves around gambling. Good thing she’s actually completely insane and loves high stakes gambling, because she upsets the entire social structure in no time. But she’s just here to have fun!

Okay, I’ve only actually seen the first season because when I started watching the second one it just seemed like more of the same...but a lot more...disgusting. That said, I really enjoyed the first season, and I thought Jabami was an interesting character...in a crazy sort of way. The reason this show works is because we see everything through the eyes of a completely average joe, so the audience is constantly amazed by the actual planning that goes into the gambling strategies. And though it seems like she doesn’t really put a lot of thought into climbing the social ladder of the school, Jabami’s a Slytherin because she is constantly thinking of new ways to get what she wants out of every gambling opportunity. I think the first season itself is really creative has a darkly fun tone. If you’re in the mood for something completely insane with a of weird fanservice and lesbians...this is the one for you.

The Rising of The Shield Hero (Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari): When an average otaku named Naofumi is summoned to a fantasy world and is tasked with being a hero, he is immediately framed for a crime and finds himself having to walk the line between revenge and redemption while also trying to save innocent people and fixing everything that the other heroes fuck up. Okay stay with me here…yes, it’s an isekai...but it’s the one isekai from this year that I’ve actually enjoyed so give a chance. It subverts the trope of the hero who everyone automatically loves and has a lot of great female characters who kick ass and aren’t just meant to be a harem. There’s also a lot of mystery and intrigue about the fantasy world, and it’s the first isekai in a long time where I actually got more invested in the setting itself.

Yes, I’ve talked about this show a lot, and I know not everyone likes it because of the first episode, but it’s a perfect example of a Slytherin main character who isn’t a horrible person! Naofumi is forced to build up his life from nothing, while the royalty of the country basically kicks him while he’s down at every opportunity. So naturally he’d become the crafty kind of hero who helps people but also turns his services into a profitable business. BUT HE’S STILL A GOOD PERSON! He is the only one who thinks things through enough to not cause more problems and he’s super determined to change this world for the better. Just watch past the first episode, and maybe you’ll like it too.

Good Luck Girl! (Binbougami-ga!): A comedy in which an obscenely lucky, intelligent, rich, popular girl named Sakura is suddenly cursed by a goddess of poverty named Momiji who constantly tries to steal back Sakura’s good fortune...because it turns out Sakura’s been unconsciously stealing it from everyone else, and Momiji needs to give it back to everyone before it causes a major disaster. Momiji and Sakura have a hilarious rivalry, and this show is full of great references and over the top insanity. Also, the English dub is pretty awesome!

Why doesn’t anyone talk about this show? It’s amazing, with a great example of a Slytherin protagonist that’s terrible but still somehow hilarious. Sorry Slytherins out there, I had to do at least one show with a complete asshole as the main character, but the reason Sakura is a good protagonist is because she’s so terrible! She’s cunning, determined, intelligent, and will do anything to get to the top...but she’s also a horrible human being, and I love watching her act like she’s better than a literal goddess.

[bulgarianmermaid]

Traveling solo in Africa, changing jobs locally, finding a new home overnight all alone while mending a broken heart… “Impossible” they said, “I’m possible” I read. It was ME I was fighting for and I had Myself and I in my corner. And the angels above 👼 At the end my crazy Morocco adventure turned into an absolute fairytale better than I could have ever imagined 🏰 (And no, Mom, there is no man involved, just me and my wild heart)

“Aren’t you afraid of flying?” the little girl sitting next to me on the plane to Morocco asked. “Why would I be afraid, sweetheart?” I wondered. “But what if we fall?” she said. “And what if we soar?” I asked. She told me it was her first time flying and she was very scared. So I decided to tell her the story of my first time on a plane. How old do you think is old enough to travel alone? If you ask my crazy parents 3 yrs old was plenty to send me off alone on a flight from Algeria to Bulgaria with a lay over in Paris. The proper term is “unaccompanied minor”, a child that travels alone and gets taken through security and from gate to gate by a flight attendant 👮‍♀️ I still had to sit all alone on the planes yet I didn’t make a sound 👼 Three decades later my parents get really worried when I roam the world solo. “Really, Mom, really, you are worried NOW?!”

Thanks to my incredible Grandma who raised me while my parents traveled the world, every new experience was presented to me as the most fun adventure one could go on. And every new place visited as a land from the fairytales. That woman, my Grandma, was a magician with her words and her touch. So a plane was a bird that would take us to the land of Alaeddin and the desert was the land of the 1001 Nights of Shekerezhade. I celebrated my 3rd birthday in the middle of the Sahara desert of Algeria, having just joined my parents on their own African adventures. Three decades later I celebrated my birthday in Africa again, on the coast of Morocco, where the Atlantic Ocean washes the sands of the Sahara. French is my first language, not Bulgarian (I still understand French if you speak slowly 😱) and coming back to Africa always feels like coming back home. To my first memories of a home – dusty, dirty and oh, so wild and free.

  I didn’t grow up rich 💰 Even though my parents were traveling around the world for work and dragged me across Europe, to the Sahara Desert of Africa and thru the Gobi Desert of Mongolia all the way to China before the age of 10, we never had much money. Or a car I could use. My parents didn’t introduce me to the outdoors, enroll me in any sports, or teach me survival skills. They didn’t believe in any of that. But ONE thing they insisted on was languages and education and I have to thank Mom for that. I started learning French when I was 3 yrs old, I wrote and read in French by age 5. I speak 5 more languages (NOT fluently) and I happen to enjoy an elephant memory, two university degrees from some of the best schools in the world and a razor sharp brain.

I came to Morocco for work, I stayed for surfing 🏜 That’s the recap of my 2 months here. There is nothing else but the desert and the ocean. You must love surfing and water if you are planning on staying 🌊 I had been working on Online, Digital, and Social Media Marketing and Online Bookings for a Moroccan surf & yoga camp for 3 months and I was really excited to finally be here in person. Well, what I thought would be a “one man show” turned into a “complete shitshow” by week 3. But when your accommodation is connected to your job and you are a tall blonde traveling solo in Africa, you think twice before you quit. So I thought for a week and finally couldn’t take another day of it 😦

I had met a boy in those first 2 weeks and for once in my life I decided to give a relationship a chance, not run away and stay for him another few days. I purposefully call him “a boy” because a man would have acted differently. A man would have seen my worth beyond the current setbacks I was experiencing. A man would have been my rock when I was standing on shifting sands. When said “boy” heard about my work troubles and living condition challenges he said he didn’t want to invite my problems into his life and “sent me off” to figure it all out myself. He could have helped, it wouldn’t have cost him a thing and I wasn’t asking for much, just a roof over my head for a night and a warm hug. Instead he chose to cut all ties and continue with his “perfectly designed” life (and home) because in his eyes I was a “complete mess”. I chose to let Fate take care of him…because payback is a bitch and the Universe never disappoints.

So with professional setback under one arm and personal disappointment under the other and having just acquired a short spell of “Moroccan shits” I hastily packed my suitcase and took a “berber taxi” 🚗 (car not camel) to see a friend at a brand new surf and yoga camp (Surf Safari Morocco) close by for a couple of days, enjoy their pool and heal my body while figuring out my life. Because in Morocco it is just a matter of time before you get the shits – personal, professional, just shits. How these old “berber taxi” cars from the 1980s still function is beyond my understanding. How they make it up and down the hills is a sheer miracle. Considering 3 people sit in the front, 4-5 in the back and there is always room for 1 more (in the driver’s lap perhaps as there is already someone sitting in mine 😂) I guess we could pish the car all the way to town if it broke down.

My dear friend and yoga instructor Julian @hostelyogi who saved my life more than once

In retrospect, I should have left Morocco back then but it is too easy to judge life in retrospect and I am a warrior, I wasn’t going to let one asshole (ok, maybe 2) ruin my whole Morocco experience. When Plan A didn’t work out (it never does), it is time for Plan B. Oh wait, I don’t have a Plan B. I never do. Perhaps with the 100% chance of Plan A not working out in my life, I should start preparing a Plan B 🤔 I believe in the power of the Universe, I believe when we set an intention and we really want something the Universe responds. Not always in the way we expected, often in a better way 🙏 Sometimes it is hard to sit still and wait for the future to unfold while you are shaking in uncertainty but if you are patient and watch out for the signs, I promise you the result will be more beautiful and grand than you ever expected.

The surf camp where I went for 1 day to relax and recharge (and ended up staying a month) took me in with all my physical and emotional pain. They hugged me until I stopped crying – thanks Julian and Evan. They saw my worth even through the thick wall I had put up and hidden behind – thanks Younes and Mohammed. They gave me a week to just surf, eat, sleep, and heal. I will be forever grateful for that. (And do laundry, because after a month in a dusty, little Moroccan town nothing makes you happier than the sight of a new washing machine and European detergent.) Within a week after moving in, meeting the owners, observing camp operations and enjoying myself tremendously in and outside of the water, I was asked to help manage Surf Safari Morocco and take over Digital Marketing, Social Media and Online Bookings. Less than a month later we are completely full (actually that was true after JUST a week when management believed in my strategy and took immediate actions to implement my recommendations). For there are FEW things I’m very good at IF you believe in me and WORK is one of them.

Surf Safari Morocco – the greenest grass and the cleanest pool in town 🙂

To all the people who didn’t help me on my journey, who tried to stop me from succeeding or attempted to stall my growth – THANK YOU 🙏 For showing me I had verged off my true life path and I had to change course a bit. For the only constant in life is change and this mermaid does change better than most 🧜‍♀️ My Moroccan adventure has been one HELL of a story 📝 with plenty of ups and downs and “drowning time” in between (some call it surfing but I’m mostly under water 🙂 “Rugs to riches”, “nada to Prada” or just another way to say – believe in yourself even when no one else does!

Finally, a tribute to the girls who shared my first month of the “Moroccan shit show” – I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did without you – Charlie’s Angels or MY angels – for true friendships are built in the most challenging of moments and we were together thru thick and thin 🙏 As we have all headed out on our new adventures (I was the very last one to leave Morocco from the group and I thought I would be the first) all I want to say is thank you Annie, Leah, Meli and G – for your friendship, your advice, your emotional support, your translation from German, and for having my back when you were pretty backless yourselves 💪 Yours truly, The Total Mess ❤

  Morocco – My Crazy African Adventure Traveling solo in Africa, changing jobs locally, finding a new home overnight all alone while mending a broken heart...

[latenightskid]

One Third

Kathryn walked down the hallway with a small backpack over her back. Ethan passed her in the hallway, having to look back at her at the sight of the backpack.

“Where are you going,” he asked. She stopped and turned to him.

“Uh,” she started, taking a quick look down the hallway. “Day trip.”

“Day trip? Alone?”

“Yeah. I need a break from all of Mark’s ‘heroism’.” The two of them let out chuckles, though neither were entirely convincing.

“I mean, I could come too.” Ethan’s tone had changed, and Kathryn could see it. She let out a sigh, followed by a sympathetic smile.

“Ok, you caught me. I’m heading out for the day to collect some new parts for Amy. She’s been saying she needs some, so I’m going to surprise her.”

“So why can’t I come?”

“Because I need someone to distract her from the fact that I’m gone. You know she’ll keep asking.” A large grin formed on Ethan’s face, and he saluted.

“I’m on it.” They shared a small chuckle and said goodbye. Kathryn made sure not to run into anyone else as she exited the ship into a travel pod. She dropped her backpack beside her in the chair, and typed the coordinates into the screen.

“Alright Mortriare,” she whispered, pressing a button. “Bring me the glory.”

Mortriare was a short trip, but she needed the time to execute her plan. She was only a few minutes away when a beeping noise came from her dash. Curious, she answered the call. Jack’s face appeared on the screen. It quickly changed into confusion.

“Why are you alone,” he asked.

“I’m going on a day trip,” she replied, leaning back in her seat. Jack tilted his head to either side, looking for the rest of the crew.

“By yourself?”

“I’m getting parts for Amy. It’s a surprise.” She gave him a small grin, but he seemed unconvinced.

“Clever, but you and I both know that if Amy wanted parts she wouldn’t send someone to go alone unless she physically couldn’t do it alone. Where are you headed?” She let out a defeated sigh and crossed her arms.

“I’m taking a day trip to Mortriare. I do it once a year.” Jack’s eyes went wide, and the corners of his mouth formed a devious grin.

“Mortriare you say. You drink?”

“I don’t drink. I play.” His smile formed wider. Kathryn didn’t like the look in his eyes.

“So… say, a friend of yours happened to tag along with you, how much would a beloved, trusted friend- no, family member- get in terms of credits.” Kathryn shrugged.

“I guess a third.” Jack’s grin widened the largest she had seen so far. She could see his tail excitedly flick into the air.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t play for the money. I play to see the hope and determination drain from their eyes. I like to see their strategies crumble and hear the curses under their breath. The feeling of reigning victorious.” Jack’s eyes were wide, but not with excitement.

“You’re ruthless.”

“It’s a ruthless game.” Jack and Kathryn shared small grins. “Mind if I hop on board your ship?”

“Come on in.” Jack thanked her quickly and hung up the call.

Black clouds covered every inch of the planet. It looked like a puffy, black ball floating in space. Jack pressed his hand against the back of Kathryn’s chair as he looked at the planet. His tail was flicking wildly behind him.

“So many credits,” he mumbled. “So much loot.”

“Please don’t get the GLE on us,” she replied. “I know they don’t patrol the planet, but they have ways of finding things out.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m here for the money you’re going to win me at Veila.” Kathryn glanced up at Jack.

“Win us you mean?” He glanced down at Kathryn.

“Oh, right. Yeah… well… whatever. You know what I meant.” Kathryn shook her head with a small grin. Their ship pierced the clouds, and they rode through it for a couple of seconds before the neon lights of Mortriare came into view. Every building was covered in neon lights of plasma. Black ore roads ran through the blocks with neon lining the sides to bikes and other small vehicles. Kathryn steered the ship toward a large lot of ships of all sizes, similarly marked in neon lining. She parked it in one of the lots beside two larger ships. They exited the ship and started walking. Jack’s eyes quickly scanned the area. Sam floated beside Jack’s head, his own tail flicking in the air. They entered a large group of people, the smell of alcohol and damp bodies encasing them. The buildings all seemed to follow the same theme. Bars, nightclubs, and casinos. Every block had about five of each, all with different themes of their own. Every visitor of Mortriare had their favorite places, and each building had their own handful of regulars.

“Where are we headed,” started Jack, walking beside Kathryn. “Mortriare Star 5? Night of Stars? The Vegas?” He excitedly listed off the most popular places he knew from his couple of ventures here on… totally legal matters.

“Actually,” she started, “we’re heading to Veila Quantum.” Jack’s eyes grew.

“You have access to Veila Quantum?”

“Yeah, a couple of years ago they saw me win round after round at, well, Mortriare Star 5, one of the workers asked me if I wanted a pass. Of course I said yes.” Kathryn gave him an excited smirk, and he returned it.

“Imagine all the money we can get out of those rich snobs.” She rolled her eyes as they continued. After a few minutes, the building came into view. A red and gold sign sat above the double doors in a language neither of them recognized. Most of the signs were in different languages, but Kathryn had gotten most of them translated into common over the years. They walked up to the door guarded by two buff pig-like men, prashu’s. They stopped Kathryn before she walked in.

“Torro, Corva,” she started. “It’s me, Kathryn.”

“The velm,” Torro replied, his voice gruff and low. Corva pointed a finger at Jack, who looked back and forth at them.

“This is Jack. He’s my friend, and he has my pass.”

“Velm are thieves.”

“I’ve brought people in here before with me, ones whose species have a history for stealing. Have I ever brought in a thief?” They gave each other a glance. The doors finally opened.

“Keep an eye on him,” stated Torro as they walked in.

“Don’t worry about him.” They walked in, and Jack let out a sigh.

“Thanks Kathryn.” She shook her head.

“Those guys are great, but they’re a little too stuck in stereotypes.” The room was full of large circular tables surrounded by pristine looking aliens. They all looked like they had a lot more money than Kathryn and Jack combined. They could’ve lived there. Jack scoffed.

“Look at them,” he grumbled. A couple of people looked over at them. They immediately grew smiles on their faces and waved. Kathryn waved back with a similar smile. “You seem to know everyone here.”

“I know a lot of them,” she replied, “but trust me. All they do is talk about their big ships and lots of money. Not to mention the parties that they have with all their money.” They shared a small chuckle. Kathryn walked up to one of the medium sized tables surrounded by a group of aliens.

“Kat,” called a nikocage, quickly wrapping an arm around her. “Good to see you!”

“Please, Rofi,” she chuckled, “call me Kathryn.”

“Ok Kat. So, we’re starting a new round. Is it champions tonight?”

“As always.” The rest of the group chuckled and filled with chatter. The nikocage held his hand up, sending out a small electric charge that loudly interrupted the room. Everyone from all other tables turned to look.

“Attention everyone,” he began. “Tonight, ninkain Kathryn Knutsen is in the building! Tonight, we play champion takes all!” A cheer sent out through the building that Jack didn’t fully understand. The card deck sat in the middle of the table, and they were all dealt seven cards. Each of them got five blue belts, all worth 100 credits. The game began, and Jack used Sam to watch over Kathryn’s shoulder. In the screen, he could see Kathryn’s face. He had never seen such determination in her. Her eyes rapidly scanned her hand as well as the cards placed in front of them. The game was slow moving, so Jack decided to move. All he needed to do was not to get the GLE on his tail, and he wasn’t about to. He grazed past groups of fancy looking aliens, stealing any amount of physical credits he could get his hands on. Sam nudged his face, making him jump as he dropped a bag of credits.

“Sam,” he whispered, quickly picking it up from the floor and shoving it into his bag. “Careful. What is it?” Sam nodded in the direction of the bar. “I can’t be drunk when we leave. I need to get on the ship and-” Something caught Jack’s eye. He looked up over the bar to see a safe. He recognized the safe from casinos over the year. Each casino had one they kept all the credits when people cashed in their belts. He smirked up at Sam. “Nice call buddy.” From the other side of the room, he saw Rofi lift Kathryn’s hand into the air as everyone groaned.

“Kat wins the first round of Veila with 1,000 credits worth of belts!” 1,000? That wasn’t a lot, but she still won. He saw the vicious smile on her face and chuckled. It was going to be a good night for both of them.

Kathryn had won her third game and 15,000 credits before she walked up to the bar. Everyone else was talking or playing practice games for the next round. Jack quickly walked up to her, almost knocking her over.

“Woah, Ja-”

“I need your help,” he interrupted. She looked over at him and squinted.

“Jack…”

“I know I know, but if you help me we could walk away with more money than either of us could’ve even imagined.” She sighed and leaned back on the counter.

“I don’t care about the money. I want to play.” The gear’s in Jack’s head turned, and he mumbled under his breath.

“Fine. We’ll do it legally. Any ideas?” Kathryn looked at her next playing table, then back at Jack with a smart smirk. Jack glanced at the table and then back at Kathryn.

“No way. Not with those rich assholes.” Kathryn patted Jack on the shoulder.

“Oh come on Jack. You know how to play, you want the money. Besides. You can show all the racists what velm can really do.” He looked around at some of the other table. A couple people looked over at them, then whispered and laughed to each other. Jack let out a sigh.

“Fine.”

“And you have to be on your own team.” Jack recoiled quickly.

“What?!”

“Break’s over,” come Rofi’s voice. Kathryn reached past Jack and grabbed the water bottle the bartender gave her. “Everyone to the table!” She walked toward the table and waved to Jack.

“Good luck!” Jack let out an exasperated sigh as she left. He and Sam glanced at each other, and Sam nodded toward the table.

“I hate doing things the legal way,” he groaned, walking toward the table. The cards were dealt as soon as he arrived. With his arrival came disgusted looks from those around him. Kathryn stood at the side of the table, not directly across from him. A small, sympathetic smile sat on her face, followed by a confident nod when he looked up at her. He picked up his hand and looked at it. Not a great hand. He let out a small sigh, and Sam floated by his head. There was a robotic squeaking as someone grabbed Sam straight out of the air. Jack almost dropped his hand as he quickly spun around to see Corva holding Sam in his large hands.

“Hey,” yelled Jack, his fangs showing.

“No bots in the game,” snapped Corva.

“Jack,” called Kathryn. Jack realized they had everyone’s attention now. He looked at Kathryn who seemed worried. She glanced up at Corva, then back at Jack. “It’s alright Corva. Please be careful with it. Right Jack?” Jack looked at everyone else, then back at Corva. Corva gave Jack a smart smirk as Sam squirmed in his grasp, his iris rapidly moving. He walked away, leaving Jack to their game of Veila. As Jack turned back to the table, everyone’s whispering conversations quickly stopped. He gave Kathryn a look of pure anger for the situation, and Kathryn gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Can we start now,” asked Rofi, holding back an annoyed snap. Kathryn rolled her eyes and nodded. The game began.

Jack had never seen such a ruthless player. Kathryn was silent, playing cards like it was her job. She was right. Jack could see the hope drain from their eyes, replaced with rapid panic as they tried to make a strategy. She was close to winning, reversing the order, playing wild cards. The pile was full of red and blue belts, along with dots of yellow and green. Jack looked at his hand, and like a lightbulb going off above his head, he had a strategy. He just needed his turn. Kathryn was at Veila, and Jack was only one card away. Kathryn couldn’t play, could she? There was no way she had another card of the color. Finally, Kathryn laid down her last card. A collection of annoyed and exasperated sighs filled the table as Rofi lifted up her hand.

“Winner, of round four,” he called with a chuckle. “We’re halfway through the champions. Who’s still in?” Due to Jack’s close to Veila, he still had a shot. Kathryn walked over to him before they organized more players.

“You did awesome Jack,” she told him.

“I had a strategy,” he replied, crossing his arms. “And I would’ve won if you’d only gotten more cards.” The two of them laughed together.

“We have four more rounds. I hope to see you at finals.” Jack nodded and went to turn back to the table, but Kathryn grabbed his shoulder. She pulled him in closer. “Besides, everyone is getting mad at how good you were.” When she pulled away, a large grin was spread across Jack’s face.

“See you at finals,” he told her. They clasped hands into a bro-handshake before dispersing back to the table. The group was smaller than before as some people were bailing, but the pile was only getting bigger. Kathryn had to have had about 50,000 credits in the pile alone, and it was only getting bigger from there. Four more matches, four more chances.

One, two, three. The belts got more expensive, the credits got higher. Every time, Kathryn won and Jack got second. Every time, people only got increasingly angrier at the idea that Jack was so close to winning. The last match held with only Rofi, Kathryn, and Jack. Everyone was ushered away so no biased cheating could happen, but a couple moderators watched to make sure the players themselves didn’t cheat. Everyone was in their zones as they played. Kathryn and Jack kept giving each other excited glances, which raised suspicion from the moderators, but upon further investigation, they concluded it wasn’t cheating. Rofi kept taking glances at the moderators with his own grin, and they would return a grin, just hoping he’d look away.

Finally, everyone had Veila. What they did with it, none of them knew what the others would play. Finally, Jack’s eyes widened. He slammed his hand down on the deck.

“Yes,” he cheered, throwing his hands in the air. Rofi suddenly let out a frustrated grunt, throwing his card as it floated down onto the pile.

“He cheated,” he yelled, pointing a finger at Jack. Jack looked at everyone around the table. They were all whispering angrily to their companions.

“No I didn’t, I played fair and square! Everyone saw it! It was monitored!” Rofi quickly stormed round the table and up to Jack.

“He has a robot eye!” Everyone gasped, and Jack’s fangs quickly came into view.

“It doesn’t work without Sam, the floating eye, which you took from me!”

“Oh, like we’d ever believe a velm!” Kathryn quickly walked in front of Rofi, her tail whipping behind her in anger.

“He’s not lying,” she snapped. “I’ve worked on Sam personally to fix him sometimes. I know how he works. Jack didn’t cheat.”

“She’s just covering for him,” someone called. Everyone yelled in agreement, beginning to chant ‘liar’ across the room. Jack was ready to bite the smug grin off of Rofi’s face. Suddenly, Sam flew in, running into Jack’s face.

“Sam, what are you-“ Sam quickly displayed a playback of the game, and everyone went quiet. It zoomed in one of the faces of the moderators as they walked around the table, stopping in between Jack and Kathryn. They mouthed the word “no red”. A quiet gasp fell through the crowd as it cut to Rofi’s small grin. He glanced back down at his cards. His next play changed the color from of the deck from blue to red. Both Kathryn and Jack’s faces sank slightly, but went back to determined. The holographic screen fell again, and Sam floated beside Jack’s head.

“Rofi, you cheated,” asked Kathryn, disappointed but not surprised. Rofi looked around at all the angry faces of the participants.

“I wasn’t going to let a velm win,” he snapped. “What would that look like if a velm won at Veila Quantum?” Kathryn stepped up to him.

“It would look like you don’t discriminate, which would attract more visitors, maybe even some with a lot more money, here.” Jack walked up beside her, his newly earned bag of 1,200,000 credits over his shoulder. The bag was the size of two adult dulcosi’s. “Guess what, Rofi? You just lost your two best players.” Kathryn turned to Jack who gave her a confident nod. They started out, but were quickly stopped by Corva and Torro. Kathryn looked up at them, her face quickly changing as she gave them a glare. A low growl escaped her throat. Their eyes widened, and they moved to the side. She walked out, and Jack proudly walked out beside her.

Kathryn docked Jack’s ship and opened the door.

“That was fun,” she started as he stepped out, “and… I’m really sorry about all of them. I’m never going back there again.” Jack smiled at her.

“Ah, it’s alright,” he replied. “Besides, you scared two of the biggest dudes in that place. That was awesome.” She chuckled.

“I’ve done bouncer work for them before by myself. They know what I can do.” They shared another laugh.

“Thank you Kathryn. Do you mind if I come with you next year too?” Kathryn smiled.

“We can make it our annual thing, a secret just between us.” Jack chuckled and nodded. He grabbed his bag and turned. Just before the door closed, Kathryn noticed his bag seemed slightly lighter than before. It closed finally, and she looked in the back to check the ship’s status. In the chair Jack had been in was a brown bag. A small note was attached, and she opened it.

⅓ - Jack

Kathryn walked down the hallway with the bag over her shoulder. Ethan turned a corner and quickly ran to her, excitedly bouncing in place.

“Did you get it,” he asked. “What’s in it? Can I see? Is she going to love it?” Kathryn chuckled.

“I didn’t,” she replied. “This guy ripped me off for faulty parts, so someone was able to get me a refund.” Ethan stopped bouncing.

“Aww, that sucks! Can we go buy some parts?”

“Maybe tomorrow. I’m hungry and tired from the day trip.” Ethan nodded rapidly.

“Got it.” Kathryn turned and walked down the hallway, a small grin on her face.

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 2.11

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, as we finished up the second trial proper, Kaito continued to be adorably supportive and encouraging to Shuichi, Kirumi was desperately, furiously determined to save “everyone”, Shuichi was brave enough to face the truth and do his own version of saving everyone, and Kaito noticed Shuichi being a hero apparently without his help (even though he definitely still did need Kaito’s encouragement to do so, just not directly in that precise moment).

Now for the trial conclusion and Kirumi to continue to be determined.

Kokichi:  “Phew, thank goodness we managed to get through the class trial again!”

Yeah, no thanks to you, who could have made it take half as long if you hadn’t been an asshole.

Angie:  “Hey, hey, how long have you been lying to us? Is that why you took such good care of us? So you could deceive everyone?”

More of Angie not giving a fuck about anyone ever – she’s happy to immediately jump to assuming Kirumi never cared about them and was always deceiving them, rather than being hurt that she apparently did so.

Kaito:  “Hey, Kirumi. Tell me… Why? You were always thinking about everyone around you… How could you kill someone?”

Kaito, as always, really wants to understand! He could respect Kirumi for her selflessness and caring about everyone else, and that just doesn’t add up with someone who’d commit murder, so he’s desperate to make sense of it.

Monokuma:  “Puhuhu… Human beings have always been selfish, self-centered creatures.”

That’s rich, in this game. Kirumi isn’t even remotely the only selfless person here.

Kiyo:  “Well, Kirumi? Were your feelings towards us simply another falsehood?”

Kokichi:  “N-No! It can’t be! Say it ain’t so! That… was just another lie, too?”

Kokichi is still trying to get everyone to think that if someone seemingly trustworthy lied to everyone then nobody is trustworthy ever.

Shuichi:  “I don’t… think so… I still believe Kirumi cares about us.”

Maki:  “…And how would you know?”

Shuichi:  “I can’t say for certain, but I can sense that this trial has been agonizing for her.”

Shuichi is also showing some good people-intuition! Although if he really did get this sense then I don’t know why he pictured her grinning evilly during the Closing Argument.

And of course Maki is the one to question that, because she runs on the belief that if someone is a murderer then you should just assume they’re a horrible person and stop trying to understand them further or consider whether they still care about people despite that, right?

Kirumi:  “I’m just… lost. Because if I tell you why I did it, you will regret what you’ve just done.”

Isn’t that what she wants, though? To make everyone try and sacrifice themselves for her so she stands a chance of escaping? She should be quite happy to tell them her motive. Maybe this apparent conflictedness is also part of her gambit.

Kaito:  “Spit it out already. Otherwise… we can’t accept this outcome.”

Kaito still just really wants to understand and can’t accept things if he doesn’t.

Kokichi:  “Does that mean someone broke the agreement and traded you your motive video? Alright, fess up! Which one of you did it! Close your eyes and raise your hand if it was you!"

Obviously Kokichi knows full well nobody showed Kirumi her video because she received her own. He’s just trying to make everybody think that everyone’s agreement to co-operate by not sharing the videos was all a big lie and someone secretly stabbed everyone in the back because that’s always what people will do, right?

Monokuma:  “Hmmm? Y’know, I meant to bring this up earlier cuz it’s been bugging me for a while… All this talk about videos being switched… What does that mean, exactly?”

Monokuma did not intend to switch the videos! Everybody was meant to see their own and nobody else’s.

The kubs argue for a bit about them getting accidentally switched and admit that that’s what happened, then:

Monokuma:  “Ah, it seems I misunderstood. I completely forgot that the plan all along was to redistribute the videos.”

Monophanie:  “D-Daddy!”

Monokuma:  “It’s not your fault at all, kids. It’s my fault for forgetting.”

This is clearly Monokuma lying to save face and try and pretend to the audience that he’s still a good gamemaster who totally knows what he’s doing. The truth is that the videos getting switched was completely unintended.

Kirumi:  “I see… The Monokubs merely distributed the motive videos at random… Receiving my own video was nothing more than… bad luck.”

I really like how Kirumi considers receiving her own video to be bad luck, and not good luck! She would have preferred to remain blissfully ignorant of the fact that her country was in danger than to know about it and feel forced to sacrifice her friends.

Monokuma:  “Only Kirumi could save the country from impending doom. Yes! The future of the country rests entirely on her capable shoulders! But Kirumi is up to the task, for she only accepts requests that only she can fulfil.”

The emphasis on the fact that only Kirumi can do this is pretty important. If someone else could save the country without her, then it’d be wrong of Kirumi to sacrifice thirteen people to escape when she doesn’t need to. But, given the Flashback Light properties of these videos, I can completely buy that Kirumi might have become convinced that only she was capable of saving everyone and therefore that she had to escape or everyone would definitely die without her. Maybe some of the other students should have questioned that part a little more, though.

What with Kirumi being the de facto prime minister and the one responsible for saving the country from impending doom via meteorites and space virus, one has to wonder what her connection with the Gofer Project was supposed to be. Kirumi would never have approved of a strategy that only saved a tiny handful of people including herself and left most of the country to die. The Gofer Project was presumably run by a separate part of the government that didn’t believe Kirumi was capable of saving everyone and figured it would be better to at least save some people. Still, that brings the Ultimate Hunt part of the backstory into question, since Kirumi would never have given up her position as prime minister and her ability to save everyone by erasing her talent-related memories. She’d have wanted to avoid the Hunt, but she’d have also wanted to continue acting as prime minister and trying to save everyone at the same time – if anything, she could have used her influence as prime minister to try and shut down both the Ultimate Hunt and the Gofer Project.

Again, this backstory is actually pretty flimsy when you think about it for a while.

Kokichi:  “And we just stopped Kirumi from doing that, because we selfishly wanted to live… Wh-What should we do? D-Did we just make a terrible mistake? If everyone outside dies because Kirumi is dead… Doesn’t that mean we pretty much destroyed the country!? Wh-What do we do!?”

This is another one of those outbursts from Kokichi that sounds pretty genuine and therefore probably involves Kokichi telling himself that he’s totally just acting and he doesn’t really feel this way at all.

Monokuma:  “I am the ruler of this world. Nothing is beyond my power.”

Shuichi:  “Nothing is beyond your power? What kind of arrogant, ridiculous—”

Keebo:  “That is 100% a lie! It is impossible that he could bring disaster to a country!”

Monokuma is telling the truth, but only in the sense that he’s talking about “this world” as in this fictional story, which he can manipulate the backstory of as he pleases. In this universe, Monokuma can’t actually bring disaster to the whole, real world. Junko’s ridiculous despair-spreading powers don’t exist here.

Monokuma:  “Let’s talk about Ryoma. It would be a shame to completely neglect him.”

In this game, it makes perfect sense that Monokuma would want to take the time to explain Ryoma’s motive. Not for the sake of spreading despair, but for the sake of making the story more interesting. What’s the point in having this whole story about how Ryoma gave up on living if nobody ever hears it?

Kokichi:  “We know your motive to kill, but why did you kill Ryoma specifically?”

Kirumi:  “Because he was easy to kill…”

Because even with how determined Kirumi was to save everyone outside, she still couldn’t bring herself to directly kill anyone who wanted to live.

Ryoma:  “So… you got a reason to survive… That’s the complete opposite of me… Heh… That’s good… If you’ve got something to live for, it means your life has value. Hmph…”

Kirumi:  “After he said that, he told me he would clean up the tennis balls lying around… And then, he turned his back toward me.”

Ryoma just let Kirumi kill him. He never wanted to throw his life away for no reason, but he was happy to die in chapter 1 to let everyone escape the time limit. By showing him her motive, Kirumi gave Ryoma a reason to die.

Kirumi:  “A person like him would have noticed my bloodthirst emanating. He already knew…”

Kirumi is aware of how perceptive Ryoma was! Although calling her feelings “bloodthirst” is a bit much; it’s not like she was going to enjoy killing him.

Shuichi:  “Then Ryoma… knew he was going to be killed…”

Kaito:  “…”

I like that it makes a point to pan over to Kaito saying nothing here. He is not happy about this.

Kokichi:  “Wait a minute, it’s Maki’s fault that Ryoma decided he didn’t want to live anymore.”

Maki:  “…What?”

Kokichi:  “Ryoma only gave up on life after you showed him his motive video. Well, since you didn’t watch his motive video, I guess you had no way of knowing…”

Yes, she didn’t, so let’s stop trying to make it sound like Maki’s a terrible person who deliberately led Ryoma to his death, shall we, Kokichi? The only person who knew the contents of Ryoma’s video before he saw it and therefore arguably led him to his death by helping him see it was you. Good job deflecting that responsibility onto someone else.

In fact, yeah, Kokichi could absolutely have prevented Ryoma’s death. Most people, if they’d seen Ryoma’s video and had him asking them where to find it with the earnest plea that he just wants a reason to live, would awkwardly be all “uhhhh not sure you should see it actually”. A reaction like that would probably result in Ryoma figuring out what it contained anyway, which would be just as bad as him seeing it. But Kokichi? He is the one person who could just go “Nope! Not gonna tell you! Because I’m eeeevil, nee-heehee!” or something to that effect, and Ryoma wouldn’t have questioned it. That would have been Kokichi using his villainous persona in a way which is secretly for the purpose of saving someone, like I see frequently argued as what his character is supposedly about. But that’s not what he did. He did the exact opposite, being “helpful” for once and in doing so deliberately giving Ryoma information that he knew was likely to lead to his death.

Shuichi:  “Wait a minute, you’re talking as if Ryoma saw that motive video… Didn’t you just say that he only checked the name and didn’t watch the video?”

Uh, localisers? Think you made a booboo here. Shuichi’s definitely supposed to be talking about how Kokichi supposedly only checked the names and didn’t watch the videos in full.

Maki:  “…You’re right. He was looking for a reason to live.”

Kokichi:  “Which means you shouldn’t have shown him his motive video in the first place.”

Kaito:  “Wh-What do you mean? What… did his video show?”

I like how Kaito butts in here because he cares about understanding what happened to Ryoma and can’t comprehend how a motive video could possibly have given him less reason to live.

Monokuma:  “This message is for Ryoma Hoshi, the Ultimate Tennis Pro… Unfortunately, there is no one in the world who is important to you!”

Gah. Monokuma just puts it so goddamn bluntly.

Just, seriously, poor Ryoma. Even though he had no reason to live that he knew of, he was so desperate to find one, to find even the tiniest shred of hope. Going to his motive video, where he expected to find that hope, only to be met with absolutely nothing… that right there is genuine despair. These games love to throw around the words “hope” and “despair”, so much that honestly most of the time they kind of forget what the words actually mean, but Ryoma’s story here is a perfect example of their real meanings. And the game doesn’t need to use either of those words at all while telling it!

Kaito:  “Th-That’s what he was shown…? If he saw something like that…”

See, I think even Kaito gets it after seeing that.

Tsumugi:  “He just… gave up, then?”

Kaito:  “To hell with that! That damn moron!”

Kaito does not for a second actually think Ryoma is a moron for being suicidal after what he’s just seen. He’s just lashing out and deflecting his own pain because he realises now more than ever that he could have helped, that he should have helped, and if he had then maybe Ryoma wouldn’t have even wanted to see his motive video and wouldn’t have given up on life like this.

Kirumi:  “You are free to judge me for killing Ryoma… I would bear the burden of being seen as evil for the sake of my nation and its people. Because *that* is what it means to serve with selfless devotion.”

I love all of this game’s selfless murderers who are willing to turn themselves into horrible people and become the villain for the sake of others. It’s not that any of them don’t think the murder they commit is an awful, unforgivable act – they’re just selfless enough that they’re okay with corrupting their own integrity and decency like this if it’s the only way they can save everybody else.

Gonta:  “Monokuma… Gonta have question…”

Monokuma:  “Oh? What is it?”

Gonta:  “Can Gonta be blackened instead of Kirumi?”

Oh, Gonta. Of course one of our future selfless murderers would be the first one to offer himself up as a sacrifice to let Kirumi save the rest of the country.

Several of the others agree with Gonta that Kirumi’s life is more valuable than their own and maybe they should have got the culprit wrong.

Shuichi:  (Then… what was the point of me doing all this…? Why did I reveal the truth? What have I done…? Was I wrong? I-I shouldn’t have—)

More fuel for Shuichi’s issues about how he’s afraid of revealing the truth! Not only is the idea of the murderers doing it for selfless reasons a strong running theme of this game, but it also fits very well with Shuichi’s arc about the truth being painful sometimes.

Kaito:  “What kind of face is that, Shuichi? If you’re my sidekick, then suck it up!”

Shuichi:  “…What?”

Kaito:  “That goes for all of you! To hell with all this value of life shit! Life’s not just some thing! You can’t trade it or put a price on it!”

Shuichi:  “Kaito…”

Kaito:  “And your life doesn’t just belong to you. It’s for your parents, your grandparents, your friends, even your neighbors. It’s not something you can just decide to throw away on your own. So we didn’t do the wrong thing! Life’s purpose is to be lived!”

Kaito is so good, yet again. He believes that life is infinitely valuable, and therefore that one life is worth just as much as several and that no one should go throwing their life away, no matter the reason.

Kaito:  “So I’m just gonna go ahead and say it! I wanna live!”

I like the way he phrases this. He knows that everyone in this room still wants to live, but it’s like they’re all afraid to admit it because they don’t want to come across as selfish next to Kirumi’s desire to save the country. Kaito puts it this way, as if he’s coming out and saying the thing everyone else also wants to say but won’t, because he believes that there’s never anything selfish or shameful about wanting to live – that’s just what living things are supposed to do.

Kaito:  “I haven’t even traveled to space yet. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna die here!”

Reminder #2 that KAITO CANNOT DIE BEFORE HE HAS GONE TO SPACE. This is still important and will never not be.

Maki:  *sigh*… “The idiot’s talking again.”

Tenko:  “But… he’s right. I mean, you’re right, too. He is an idiot. But he’s right.”

Angie:  “Yep! He’s an Atua-damned idiot!”

Miu:  “Hahahaha! I dunno why, but idiots always fill me with inspiration!”

Kaito:  “H-Hey, shut up! I told you to stop calling me an idiot!”

Yeah, sure, he’s an idiot – an idiot who potentially just saved everybody’s lives with his “idiocy”. All they really mean by “idiot” here is that he’s incredibly straightforward, with his fundamental belief that throwing your life away is always bad regardless of how complex the situation may be, like it is now.

Kokichi: “Maybe his stupid speech is just what we needed to hear. Kirumi certainly looks shaken by it.”

Gonta:  “Huh? Shaken…?”

Kirumi:  “…”

Kokichi:  “Do you really think someone as desperate to live as Kirumi would give up so easily? Of course not. In fact, she probably still hasn’t given up, even now. She was hoping that learning the truth would make one of us volunteer to die in her place.”

See? Kaito just quite possibly saved everyone by having the conviction to not let go of his own desire to live.

Kokichi:  “But Monokuma would never allow a blackened to escape punishment, so maybe… she wanted everyone to rebel, so she could use that as cover to escape on her own. …How about it, Kirumi? Am I close?”

Kirumi:  “You… are the most detestable cretin I have ever met. You knew exactly what I would attempt, yet allowed me to explain anyway.”

Damn right, Kirumi. Someone needed to say it. She’s got an especially good point that even though he knew her plan, he let her carry it out anyway. Someone who genuinely cared about helping the others would have used that insight to warn everyone before Kirumi started trying it. There are so many things about this killing game that Kokichi is more aware of than everyone else and could be telling the others about to help them stand more chance of escaping – but he doesn’t, because he doesn’t give a fuck about anyone except himself.

(Also, as underhanded as her methods may be right now, Kirumi is so impressively determined. She is still looking for any possible way to get out of this alive even though her situation is almost completely hopeless at this point.)

Gonta:  “You… try to trick Gonta!? Try to trick everyone!?”

Miu:  “Seriously!? You back-stabbing cunt!”

I would say it’s harsh of people to blame Kirumi for being manipulative when their own desires to sacrifice themselves for her were still genuine. But it does make sense coming from Miu and Gonta specifically – Miu because she’s the second-least trusting of anyone here, and Gonta because he’s still just barely learning to wrap his head around the idea that anyone can be manipulative and want to trick people.

Kaito:  “Enough! She was just trying to stay alive in her own way. Nobody can blame her for that!”

But of course Kaito would be the one to shut that kind of talk down. He wants to live strongly enough that he’s not willing to throw his life away for Kirumi’s, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still respect Kirumi’s desire to live and want her to get out of this alive too if at all possible.

Kirumi:  “So no matter what, I cannot die!”

This is accompanied by a voice clip of Kirumi saying, “You must live!”. Oops again, localisers. In Japanese, such a phrase wouldn’t have a subject, and apparently when translating the short voice clips, they didn’t necessarily know the story context they’d be used in, so they clearly didn’t realise that this one was obviously supposed to be “I must live!”

Shuichi:  (She just ran as fast as she could. …I heard my voice call out.) “R-Run… Run! Run, Kirumi!!!”

Tenko:  “Please ruuuun!!!”

Keebo:  “Run! Please hurry!”

Kaito:  “Hurry! Run!”

I like everyone else cheering her on like this – even after what she did to them, they still all want her to survive! Even Kaito, who was the one who stopped everyone else from sacrificing themselves for her!

Also, props to Kirumi’s voice actor for going all in on this part. Like, damn.

It’s a neat touch how in the usual “Game Over” animation, Kirumi is still running the fuck away instead of being dragged. I’m not sure where she’s planning on running to, though. Presumably the only way out of the trialgrounds is the elevator, which I imagine only works when Monokuma wants it to. The only other things in the trialgrounds she could run towards would be… oh, yeah, right. The execution devices. Whoops.

I’m reasonably appreciative of Kirumi’s execution, because it’s very relevant to her relentless determination to escape and her willingness to utterly destroy herself for the sake of her people. Could do without yet more fanservicey clothing damage, though.

Apparently, it’s based off a Buddhist story about a prisoner in Hell who was given the opportunity to escape by climbing out up a thin thread, but then other prisoners started climbing up beneath him, he didn’t want them to escape with him and he shook the thread causing it to break and all of them to fall back into Hell. But I gather the point of that story is supposed to be that the prisoner’s selfishness was his downfall, because he wasn’t willing to let anyone but himself escape. That really doesn’t fit for Kirumi. She would have been more than happy to escape with everyone else if she could have done. It’s only thanks to Monokuma’s ruleset and not her own will that she had to try and sacrifice them.

Kokichi:  “I… I can’t take this anymore… Even Kirumi was killed so brutally… WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! I DON’T WANNA DO THIS ANYMOOORE!!!!!”

Sure, Kokichi, you just keep overexaggerating your feelings so that you can tell yourself they’re all just an act and you don’t actually care at all that someone was killed horribly.

Himiko:  “A-Am I… gonna… end up like that too…?”

A rare case of Himiko actually expressing how scared she is! The shock of the awful execution might have brought it out of her and made her forget to hide it behind Atua.

Shuichi:  “That must be why Kirumi did not want to show the videos. She thought that if everyone felt the same murderous rage that she did… this killing game would become pure chaos. She… wanted to stop it.”

Kokichi:  “If that’s the case, then we really shouldn’t show our videos to each other!”

Keebo:  “That was our consensus from the beginning. Not including you, of course.”

Shuichi’s right, and this is exactly why Kokichi’s attempt to get everyone to watch the videos without any sense of camaraderie was a terrible idea and why his reasons for doing so were not for everyone’s sake.

Kiyo:  “I had assumed Kokichi would try to show us our videos to… get under our skin. But that did not come to pass. What, I wonder, were his intentions…?”

Kokichi:  “Huh? I’d never do anything like that. I’m still thinking about what Kirumi said.”

Yeah, Kokichi, you’d never try to get under people’s skin, it’s not like that’s your entire talent and the point of your “secret, evil organisation” or anything.

By “what Kirumi said” he means the hint that the videos worked like Flashback Lights, which, now that we know that, is a very good reason to not share them. But Kokichi saw his own video too, so he’s the only other person who might have already known about their Flashback Light effects. If he knew that before he tried to show everyone the videos then he clearly cared even less about protecting everyone.

Shuichi:  “Still… how could Kirumi remember something she never should have forgotten? Serving the entire nation seems too important for her to just… forget.”

Yep, it’s almost like Flashback Lights don’t recover lost memories at all.

Tenko:  “Does that mean we have motives to kill that we’ll remember by watching our videos?”

Shuichi:  “And if that’s the case, maybe it’s for the best that we don’t watch the videos. As long as we don’t see the videos, we won’t know our motives.”

Kaito:  “Yeah, now I’m convinced. It’s probably for the best. Those motive videos would just mess us up. It’s better if we just believe in each other.”

The first time Kaito “changed his mind” about what to do with the motive videos, it was less that he’d really changed his mind and more that he’d just gone from being unsure to actually having a strong opinion. But now he’s very decidedly changed his opinion to the opposite one. Kaito is very adamant about sticking to his convictions, but despite this he is still also willing to change his views if new information comes to light that makes him re-evaluate things and realise he was mistaken.

Kiyo:  “Hearing you speak of everyone’s sake is the least believable lie I’ve heard yet…”

Kokichi:  “How rude. I’m always doing stuff for everyone’s sake. I’m sure you won’t believe me when I say stuff like that, so I’ll just keep lying…”

No. Kokichi is not doing anything for everyone’s sake. If he really cared about everyone else, he should be acting in literally any way other than this.

Kokichi:  “But maybe seeing Kirumi’s final moments has made me change my views.”

I doubt it, considering how completely impossible it is to get Kokichi to even acknowledge how he really feels on the inside, let alone act upon it and change himself as a person.

Kokichi:  “Running away to live… might not be a bad idea.”

…Although this is interesting. Implying that Kokichi wasn’t already planning on living, and Kirumi made him vaguely consider actually finding a way to survive himself. But, well, guess he really doesn’t change his mind about that after all, then.

Kaito:  “Yeah, true… It’s okay to run sometimes. You just gotta win in the end. That’s all you gotta do…”

Meanwhile this situation has genuinely made Kaito change a little and realise that you can’t always throw yourself recklessly at every obstacle and expect to never get killed. He’s accepting that sometimes you have to back down and take minor losses for the sake of surviving, just so long as you don’t give up overall.

Gonta:  “It’s just… even when all this bad stuff happens, stars are always so pretty. But stars here different. Not same ones Gonta used to.”

Shuichi:  “Different? Do you mean… the position of the stars?”

Gonta:  “Yeah… Gonta looking, but no can find star he remembers.”

This is supposed to be a hint at the backstory of them all being sent to space. It wouldn’t be hard to give Gonta memories of stars that are different to the ones up there.

Although… isn’t the story that they were taken back to Earth? That’s what the fake outside world on the other side of the tunnel is for. They were only meant to be in cold sleep for a few hundred years; the stars shouldn’t have changed significantly enough in that time.

That said, the stars they’re seeing are only false projections onto the dome, so they could be anything. But in story, the starscape projected onto the dome would presumably be the correct one, right?

Regardless, I’m also calling bullshit on the fact that Kaito doesn’t recognise that the stars are wrong too. You’d think he’d be another person who’d definitely know what they’re meant to look like.

Kokichi:  “Everyone seems to be treating me like some kinda compulsive liar… But that’s ridiculous! There’s a way worse liar than me in our group!”

Shuichi:  “A liar worse than you?”

Kokichi:  “… …I’m talking about Maki.”

Of course Kokichi would think that Maki, who is lying about precisely one thing, is a “worse liar” than someone who lies every other sentence. Because someone who lies all the time and never gives anyone any reason to trust them is totally fine, but someone who claims to be trustworthy and is lying about that – that’s the most terrible kind of lie anyone can tell, right?

Kaito:  “What do you mean, Maki’s a liar?”

Ha, of course Kaito would care and butt in about this.

Kokichi:  “Ryoma was blackmailing you, wasn’t he, Maki?”

Keebo:  “B-Blackmail?”

Kokichi:  “Ryoma just so happened to discover Maki’s true identity. So he used that to blackmail her. I bet he said something like… ‘If you don’t show me my motive video, I’ll tell everyone what you really are.’”

This is complete and utter bullshit. Ryoma is not the kind of guy who would threaten another person like that. Especially not when he would have seen in the video exactly why Maki is an assassin, and when he himself has killed several people and is therefore in no position to judge someone else for it. Kokichi is only assuming that Ryoma blackmailed Maki because that’s exactly what he would have done in Ryoma’s position, and he’s projecting his own distrusting, manipulative assholery onto everyone else.

I think it’s likely that Ryoma mentioned that he’d seen Maki’s true talent, which might have contributed to Maki being unwilling to admit that they met, but there’s no way Ryoma would have threatened to tell anybody else about it. To put it how Ryoma would, that’s just not cool.

Kaito:  “Wh-Why you… What shit are you making up now? Maki’s true identity? What—”

I like how Kaito assumes that Kokichi is making up shit to discredit Maki. It’s almost like that’s basically what Kokichi was doing the entire trial and Kaito has every reason to assume he’d keep doing that even though this time he’s actually telling the truth.

Kokichi:  “Nee-heehee, I’ve known Maki’s true identity the whole time.”

Maki:  “…!”

Shuichi:  (For a moment there, I thought Maki had disappeared… She moved so fast…)

Kokichi:  “…Gh!”

Maki is so terrified of everyone finding out. The moment she hears confirmation that Kokichi definitely knows her talent, she immediately attempts to shut him up. Even though this attempt is desperate and hopeless – they both know that she can’t kill him in front of everyone unless she wants a very swift trial and execution. She’s just trying to intimidate him into keeping quiet, but since he’s smart enough to keep his cool and know that the threat is empty, it won’t work.

Kaito:  “H-Hey, Maki! What the hell is going on?”

Kaito is still trying to understand Maki and figure out why she’d suddenly threaten to kill someone like this.

Kokichi:  “Y-Yeah… you can probably… snap my neck like a twig right now… But that’s… not your style… Y-You would rather… kill from the shadows…”

As if it’s remotely about this being her style and not the fact that if she killed you in front of everyone she’d be immediately executed. He’s still just trying to force across the fact that since she’s an assassin she’s obviously a sneaky, horrible, backstabbing person that nobody should ever trust or like, right.

We don’t see what happens after Kokichi reveals her talent, but Maki probably dropped him in defeat as soon as he did. There’s no point her threatening him any more now that the worst possible scenario has come to pass, after all.

I imagine that she left to hole herself up in her dorm without a word soon after, while everyone else was busy being shocked. And that Kaito tried to call out to her and get her to talk, to no avail.

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[Chapter-end ramble] [Next post]

[dramavixen]

Meteor Garden (China, 2018): A Dramavixen Review

The dangers of reinterpreting a loved, classic story come under a glaring spotlight in the new Meteor Garden. This show had about ten tons worth of legacy to hold up on its thin shoulders—most of which it couldn’t carry.

[[All ratings are on a scale of 9.]]

Breakdown Summary:

It’s Story Time (plot; weight of 40%) = 3/9

Who Even Are You? (characters; weight of 40%) = 4.1/9

Technically Speaking (production; weight of 20%) = 5/9

Extra; Read All About It (extraneous; extra-credit weight of 10% when applicable) = 1/9

Charmed Vixen Total: 3(.4)+4.1(.4)+5(.2)+1(.1) = 3.94/9 (44%)

Full review following; containing delicious screencaps and spoilers, a couple from previous adaptations of this drama. Also, just a lot of general saltiness. Note to fans of this show: to each their own. (Please spare me.)

Meteor Garden. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I’ve sat through pretty much every version of this story made to date. Hana Yori Dango, Boys Over Flowers, the original Meteor Garden, and even that dreadful Let’s Go Watch Meteor Shower. Yet not one of those had me going “oh my gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhd” like the guy from The Scream at least once almost every single episode—until this one. 

It’s Story Time (3/9)

Meteor Garden is the quintessential show for documenting our favorite Asian drama cliché—poor as dirt girl with pure heart meets god-awful douchebag man who happens to be rich; and despite all the natural laws in the universe yelling “WTF,” the two fall in love. In this day and age, this is definitely a guilty pleasure storyline. 

As someone who has seen this exact story get retold numerous times, it’s a difficult task to not have a certain bias—for or against—this drama’s execution. And before I really get into the nitty-gritty of what’s good and bad, it’s worth laying it out there in the very beginning: this story is juvenile. The constant pushing-and-pulling within relationships, the perpetual lack of communication between characters leading to meaningless dramatics, the amount of deus ex machina. There’s cliche, and then there’s cliche.

I love my fair share of drama cliches, but ultimately it all comes down to how they’re presented. In Meteor Garden, these stereotypical occurrences appear like the writer was blackout drunk when they scrawled out the script. Everything plays out like the fanfiction I wrote when I was thirteen, both in terms of lack of logic and lack of any type of technical writing skill. Taking any part of this drama seriously is a recipe for an emotional aneurysm. 

I can’t possibly list out every single thing that made me question my decision to continue watching this show. But here are some:

F4. In every other adaptation to date, F4 was equally feared as it was admired. But in Meteor Garden, F4 is no longer a bunch of thugs waiting to screw up your day if you offend them. They’re still at the top of the social food chain, but they don’t ostracize and torment those who get on their nerves. In this rendition, F4’s weapon to challenge its classmates is bridge. The card game.

The infamous red notice is now a joker card in this adaptation. Look at that friendly, psychotic, smiling face. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I understand that toning down the bullying is altogether a good choice. Watching it in other versions was disturbing and made Dao Ming Si and Shan Cai’s relationship reverberate with some strange, Stockholm-syndromey sorcery. (Romantic tastes during the turn of the millennium were weird; what else is there to say?) But what team of people sat down pre-production and decided that yes. Bridge. The logical progression to “nice”-ifying these assholes is to make them bridge masters.

The whole Shan Cai and Lei conundrum at the beach and its aftermath. The way this whole thing is set up and executed is 100% unnecessary, but the writers wanted to keep to the 2001 original. Make note: if something in the original sucks, you don’t need to use it. (”Complaining about copying bad parts of original” tally: 1.)

These two hell’s bitches.

The strange ordeal with Li Zhen. Li Zhen’s like a grumpy cat, if cats weren’t cute. She messes up your shit for no reason other than wanting to mess up your shit, then crawls into your lap because she spontaneously decides that she loves you and doesn’t want to mess up your shit anymore. Is the “you” in this situation Shan Cai or Si? Send your votes in now!

She becomes the villain because the story needs a villain, then gets a shortcut back into the friendship because the writers are too lazy to come up with a believable resolution. And then she never shows up in any relevant scenario ever again. A+ writing.

That entire cooking competition. I like that it exists for Shan Cai’s development, but lordy; I spend the entire time cringing. It tries to be inspirational but comes off as tacky instead. And that drink PPL? It’s like the gateway drug to the rest of the drama’s PPL Hell.

Above we see four distinct “#mood”s, each representing an emotion that the author of this review suffered through while watching this segment.

Bitch mom. I really hoped that Meteor Garden would be the one to allow us to even somewhat sympathize with Si’s mom. Just once, I wanted an Asian drama situation where we could understand the rich mother’s overprotectiveness of her children. Unfortunately, she’s just depicted as a bitch.

Cai Na. 

--

If I go on with that list, I might physically hurt myself.

Let’s talk about the main part, then: the romance. Honestly? It was okay. 

These two are hella cute together, but it massively sucks to watch them suffer through 30 episodes of straight-up bullshit before they get together “for realz,” only to have them continue suffering. Well, they “suffer,” but it’s less heart-wrenching than it is just obnoxious. All their obstacles are “wow, an elephant could come out of that building and trample her/him right now and I wouldn’t care because she/he is being so stupid” scenarios.

It’s not like I expect a cloudfest of fluff (though I’d prefer it considering the chemistry of the leads when they are drowning in fluff). But if you’re gonna do melodrama, at least do it with some heart. Why rely on all of this redonkulous “mother-in-law trying to separate her son and his girlfriend at all costs; here’s a random fiancee, etc.” plot filler? Because it was in the original? (”Complaining about copying bad parts of original” tally: 2.) There’s no emotional benefit to any of it whatsoever.

This is legitimately the one drama I can think of I become desensitized to the main couple’s problems. They go through countless ordeals to the point that I get sick of both of them; because honestly? If the world hates you two being together that much, maybe it’s a sign that you should take a look at yourselves, wonder “why,” and then actively try to fix it. Instead, we just run around with them in circles and watch them yell at each other a bajillion times over issues that could be solved with a simple “can we talk?” Ugh. Ugh. Are we sure these are college students and not hormonal middle schoolers? 

The main problem stems from the writers’ attempts to keep to the original story while adding new themes, new kinds of relationships, and entirely new arcs. Which would be fine, if it actually worked. Sticking with the original to any extent means tons of flaws and plot holes that could not be patched up.

Altogether, I spend so much time laughing at characters’ misfortunes, giggling at how bad the plot is, and being in shock at product placement that sometimes I forget that this is actually a serious attempt at making a good drama. 

Who Even Are You? (3.7/9)

Shen Yue as Dong Shan Cai (AKA Female Lead)

Character: 3/9

Acting: 6/9

Combined: 4.5/9

Let’s start off with a bang! You’d think the main character should be the most thought-out, right? Well, Meteor Garden defies all expectations!

Shen Yue is great. I’ve seen her in A Love So Beautiful and I like her. Unfortunately, with an unimpressive character like Meteor Garden’s Shan Cai, you’d have to be a veteran actress to bring your role to life; and Shen Yue is not one. So despite all her best efforts, she has her awkward moments.

If we’re talking about what’s good about Shan Cai as a character, there’s no shortage: she’s hardworking, headstrong, and has a powerful sense of right and wrong, ultimately willing to stand up for someone else’s justice even if it spells out doom for herself. She’s the classic, heart-of-gold female lead, designed to endear the audience. In this version, she’s also finally got her own dream: cooking. At last, Shan Cai has goals. What a concept.

But as an imperfect human nature will have it, she’s often blinded so much by how things “should” be that she can’t see the methods to make her situation that way...at least, not until the problem at hand has spiraled out of control. Thus, she spends a lot of the drama running around like a headless chicken. Initially, this adds to the complexity of her character. 

Let’s not go into the nitty-gritty of her relationship with Lei, since that’s certified grade-A bullshit, but some key conversations made during that story arc show how Shan Cai isn’t the most perfect of people:

Li Zhen: Shan Cai, I just don’t understand. Dao Ming Si is so good to you; so why did you choose Hua Ze Lei? Shan Cai: I don’t know either.

Admittedly, not the most insightful answer. But at least she knows that she doesn’t know? Can you tell I’m grasping at straws here?

And we can’t forget this iconic scene. After being told by Si’s sister to “use her heart” in order to resolve the love triangle problem with Si and Lei, Shan Cai’s conclusion is to put her whole heart into learning bridge. My goodness; she passed the gao-kao with this brain of hers.

Um, what are you two doing? Si’s gonna be mad at you. 

Although she’s frequently too dense to provide timely empathy, Shan Cai prizes her friendships, often to the point of foolishness. Her fallout with Li Zhen is the most obvious example: despite how much Li Zhen harms and humiliates her, Shan Cai reflects on herself and what she could have done better as a friend. She then graciously repairs the friendship. It’s not something a typical person could do, and I (ever the optimist) saw it as incredibly stupid; both in the scope of the plot and as a human with instincts. That aside, though, this scene explains Shan Cai as the forgiving type: which fits, since she’ll eventually overlook all the transgressions Si commits against her. “Eventually” being the key word here.

Shan Cai speaks in front of her entire class and professor, using a few twists of the truth to shield Li Zhen from further ridicule. This whole scene makes me cringe. Even Li Zhen in this scene is like, “wtf is this chick doing.” But fine, it fits Shan Cai’s personality.

At its core, Shan Cai’s character is interesting. The fact that she isn’t right all the time, but constantly striving to fix herself for her sake and others’, is a great facet to her personality.

But alas, here come the writers with their intoxicated pens. 

The first flaw I notice is that Shan Cai isn’t poor in this version. It sounds like a petty detail, but it was the key to determining why she was so hellbent on punishing Si for pushing around the weak—because she was the weak. The writers don’t bother replacing this motivation with anything else, which suffocates the very foundation of her character. She “just is” righteous. And man, do I hate it when any character “just is” anything. 

I thought this would be the worst of it. But because the world is such a comedian, the moment you think it can’t get any worse, it gets worse.

It’s so important to have character growth in dramas like this, but Shan Cai’s is stunted because she remains in a phase of utter ignorance and stupidity for an inhuman length of time. The more the story progresses, the more Shan Cai sinks into the role of “stereotypical female lead.” You know the type: 

The one who refuses to accept the male lead despite liking him. Not for any real reason, but because of the remaining episode count (see exhibit A: the entire first half of the drama plus a little more). 

The one who throws tantrums about things that are out of the male lead’s control (see exhibit B: getting pissy because Si’s engaged when he has confessed to her numerous times and was clearly unhappy about the engagement).

The one who suffers through so many unfortunate events but learns absolutely nothing from any of them, making her either an amnesiac, a freaking idiot, or someone that the writers just gave up on (see exhibit C: me, wondering every two minutes who wrote this script, who proofed this script, and then who allowed this script to be applied to an airing drama).

To me, the moment that Shan Cai becomes irredeemable as a character happens during the engagement arc. After playing this horrific push-and-pull game with Si for half the drama, Shan Cai suddenly has no confidence that Si likes her, just because a much more “suitable” love interest shows up. Girl, you literally make out with him on multiple occasions and also listen to him ramble about how much he likes you and watch him freaking beat up other guys just for getting close to you; like, what in actual hell is wrong with this chick? 

Dense as she is, there’s no reason for her to be so pathetically stupid except for the sake of plot convenience. I already didn’t like what the writers did to her before this, but at this point, I just gave up. Any succeeding part of her in the script that tries to get us to pity her, I can only laugh: she’s not pitiful. This show is what’s pitiful, and she’s being yanked along for the ride.

She is 80% Mary Sue, 20% writers’ lazy attempts to paint her as a strong female lead. It should be so easy to write Shan Cai as an actual strong female lead; yet we end up with this lady. I almost didn’t think it was possible.

--

Dylan Wang as Dao Ming Si (AKA Male Lead)

Character: 4/9

Acting: 6/9

Combined: 5/9

Ah, pineapple-head man. I almost didn’t recognize you with that babyface of yours. From the get-go, this Dao Ming Si seems to be different from the character that we used to know. He has—wait for it—a conscience. Well, almost.

Dao Ming Si is characterized as Shan Cai’s opposite. His moral compass is cracked in quite a few places, one of those being his sense of basic courtesy. He says and does whatever comes to mind without filtering himself. Whether or not that leads to a breath of fresh air or heavier misfortune is pretty much up to luck, but in most scenarios, he leaves a path of hurt in his wake.

But of course, he’s more similar to Shan Cai than one would initially expect. He’s brash, stubborn, and heavy-handed when it comes down to his belief system. Who can say that Shan Cai’s any different? As the saying goes, the two of them are different sides of the same coin. It’s the reason he’s attracted to her so quickly and why they match so well. 

I love those small moments from the very beginning where we see him realize that he’s hurt Shan Cai, causing him to show the tiniest shred of regret. I wish I could say that those are good signs for his redemption, but alas, the invisible plot gremlins twist every fiber of his being.

Si is the most complex personality to portray accurately amongst all the Meteor Garden characters. That remains the truth across all the versions: he's both impulsive but reflective, capable of inflicting harm but also truly innocent in a childlike manner. Striking the balance within these dichotomies is no easy task in a drama and any of its success here is to Dylan’s credit, not the writers’.

The following is a translation of part of a Chinese review. It describes the writing flaws in Si’s character perfectly:

In order to “perfect” the male lead, the writers can’t bear to have him leech off his parents, instead forcing him to become an excellent student. Yet they also make him, without second thought, throw food upon a girl’s head. Do the writers think that being a bad student and leeching off his parents is worse than hitting a girl?

The aftermath of the food scene in question. I adore this guilty expression that Si has as he watches Shan Cai leave, but I can’t disagree with why the author of the Chinese review found this scene so problematic. 

The problem with this character stems from the script’s struggle to balance the cruelty of original-Si with the kindness of the 2018 version. In its own way, the mishmash actually makes new-Si even more troublesome of a person to deal with:

Original-Si had no part of his life together. He was a monster, reckless to the point that he was ruining his own life and didn’t care. He never learned how to treat people correctly, so his default instinct to dealing with anyone was to treat them as he did to Shan Cai. 

New-Si is like this: he makes his own money, gets good grades (and I’ll always make fun of the bridge thing, but it has to take some kind of intellectual skill). He’s responsible in many ways. When this type of young man turns around and slams food at someone…if anything, he’s a whole different kind of animal. 

I don’t bring up original-Si with intentions of saying that any one version of the character is superlatively “better” than another. It’s more that when a character like original-Si acts like an asshole, you expect it. The only reason anyone expects new-Si to act like an asshole is because of the drama’s title; otherwise, so many of his harsh actions make no sense in the context of his new character.

Case in point: who thought it was a good idea to keep the infamous stairwell scene from the original? (”Complaining about copying bad parts of original” tally: 3.) Albeit, this one isn’t as horrific. But who are we kidding; it’s still unsettling to watch.

The buildup to this just consisted of me praying and hoping and wishing that the writers exclude this part. I couldn’t feel anything but vile disappointment.

More than offending the viewers, this one scene takes every bit of Si’s existing character and feeds it into the shredder. Let’s just say that he’s rash enough to throw food in her face. Even if that’s true, I think we can agree that dumping food on someone and sexually assaulting someone reside on different scales of inhumanity; and that new-Si doing this makes zero sense. While he may be rash in his actions, he’s not the type to force a kiss on Shan Cai out of anger, especially since she’s already crying out of terror. 

This scene is entirely here for the dramatics and nothing else; you can tell because they literally bring it up afterward like once? It’s treated as nonchalantly as if he had stepped on her foot instead, like it’s an inconsequential occurrence. And as any sane person could tell you, this isn’t exactly inconsequential.

These parts of the drama just make it so hard to like Si. I like that he’s nicer. Because of that, I hate him more when he torments Shan Cai. But he only does it in the beginning. And he’s such a cutie-patootie when he’s nice. But every bad thing he does feels super bad. So, the cycle continues.

The lack of a clear connection between his good and bad sides dismisses his inner conflict and his necessary evolution with a wave of the hand. It’s especially insulting in this version because we get these moments where Si is so incredibly self-aware, only to have them drowned out by his nonsensical, rude antics for the purpose of thickening the plot.

Dao Ming Si: It’s about time for me to repay [him]. Xi Men: You’re talking about…Shan Cai? Dao Ming Si: I can’t keep tormenting him/her.

Such insightful words for Si, who’s willing to sacrifice his feelings for his friend and the girl he likes. I also like that if you just listen to this part, the “她” he mentions as “her” in the last part can refer to Lei, since the word for both pronouns sound the same in Mandarin. Who’s he talking about? I think it should be left to interpretation.

It’s simple scenes like this one that make me want to like this character so badly. However, it’s also simple scenes like this one that are completely thrown out the window one episode later, when he reverts back to his idiotic self. Squirrels have a better learning curve than this guy.

But fine, I still like the way Si turns out. Ignoring the fact that he’s chockfull of writing flaws in the beginning, Si in this version is a pure cinnamon roll. And boy, do I love me a cinnamon roll.

Dylan, for the most part, knows what he’s doing. He’s a newbie, so it’s no surprise that he has his scenes where he’s flailing, but he captures the bratty nature of the character accurately while maintaining that regal “bow down to me” attitude. It’s hard to make solid judgments on his acting when his character is pretty weak to begin with.

All that being said, Si is still the most solid character out of the entire lot due to his “evolution.” Wow, it makes me sad that that’s the truth.

--

Darren Chen as Hua Ze Lei (AKA Third-Wheel Man)

Character: 3/9

Acting: 5/9

Combined: 4/9

Reading the Chinese dissatisfaction with this show was a whole cocktail of entertainment, but my favorite comment was by far the one that said, “You could give this version of Hua Ze Lei to me for free and I wouldn’t want him.” And for the first half of the show, this might as well have been plastered onto my forehead.

He’s the third corner of the love triangle, the “nice guy” that tons of girls preferred in the older versions. Hua Ze Lei comes to our heroine’s rescue when the male lead is too busy being a jerkwad. He’s also the most lazily-written character I have ever known to exist, and for that I despise him.

I never liked Lei in any adaptation, so it’s no surprise that I started off an anti-fan in this version, too. Old habits die hard; what can I say? The most similar to other renditions of this character, Lei’s defining feature is that he’s soft-spoken. Oh, and he’s freaking weird.

Because the most logical thing to do when you’re happy about your crush coming back home is to kiss someone that isn’t your crush. ??????

It’s hard to view Lei as an interesting character because his existence was made to be the third wheel in Shan Cai and Si’s relationship. That’s why he doesn’t have a solid personality for the entirety of the first twenty-some episodes; it’s infinitely easier to have a mindless doll intrude on someone else’s love story than it is to have a human being with actual thoughts. 

He starts off with the dazzling appeal that he isn’t Si. Let’s get a round of applause for this amazing characterization. The most we ever learn about him is that he’s lonely, raised in a cold household, and even then it’s glazed over like a donut. 48 episodes provides a lot of opportunity to flesh him out and instead we get crumbs? Go figure.

Okay, this really makes it sound like I hate this guy. And I did: when he spends the first half of the show with no purpose other than “third wheel man,” it’s hard to appreciate him at all.

Despite this, I find massive entertainment in the epitome of an expressionless look which is plastered to his face for a disproportionate amount of screen time. I like to call it the “Wake Me Up Inside” Look™—it shows up whenever a character is supposed to be considered “cool,” but instead wears this blank guise like he’s prying your soul apart. 

According to Shan Cai, this is “the smile that can’t be bought.” That line made me laugh almost as hard as this face itself. Also, can we acknowledge that this is the same guy as the happiest dude in the promotional poster? I didn’t even recognize you, Darren.

No matter what Lei is feeling deep down inside, he’s usually just so done with emoting that you could probably replace him with an android and no one would notice the swap. I laugh every time I see it.

Lei: Me? I don’t have any feelings.

I realize that this is taking this quote out of context (he’s talking to Mei Zuo and Xi Men about what relationships should be like), but for our sakes, this is hilarious.

Ultimately, I can’t continue despising him. Because everyone else’s sanities are so far gone, Lei’s levelheadedness (that I used to find disgustingly off-putting) becomes this show’s saving grace. It just takes a solid fifteen episodes for him to start showing his personality like an actual human being. Wow, isn’t it amazing that as soon as he stops stealing his best friend’s crush, he becomes an actual character with an actual soul? How impressive. 

Albeit, he’s still far from the most dimensional character I’ve ever seen. But I’ll take what I can get. He cares about his friends, enough to stand up just a bit to Si’s mother during the whole engagement debacle. He also has a streak of humor hiding under his skin.

This moment when he throws wine? My jaw actually dropped. It’s so refreshing to see that Lei can lash out at someone like this, and it totally fits. 

Can’t let the almighty cookie scene fall through the cracks.

I wish the writers had put more effort into him. There’s a lot of untapped potential regarding his silent yet firm benevolence, and he’s often kicked out of the picture on an “overseas trip” so that Si and Shan Cai can have space. It almost feels like they’re scared to make him more than what he was in the other versions: boring. (”Complaining about copying bad parts of original” tally: 4.)

A lot of why my cold attitude toward him thaws at all is due to Shan Cai being a consistently useless bitch; anyone who even tries to talk sense into her gets brownie points. Give all the awards to Lei; who has climbed his way up a single point on my rating mountain because Shan Cai (and Si, I suppose) is so busy tumbling her way down!

You’re nothing like the Shan Cai that I know. Even after going through so much, you still can’t tell how deep Si’s feelings are for you? You should be confident in yourself; confident in your feelings [for each other]. Think about it.

Well, she’s been told this too many times before, but there’s no shame in having yet another person trying to talk sense into her. 

I don’t even care the second time around when he tries to “steal” Shan Cai. Was there a third time? This entire plot is just a smoothie in my head so I can’t remember. Either way; to be clear, I care for him. Because he’s trying so hard for the sakes of this girl, who’s a freaking idiot, and his friend, who—wouldn’t you know it—is also a freaking idiot. But you do you, man. You’re the only one who’s somewhat useful at any given point after the beach chaos.

It’s hard to say whether Darren Chen is a genius at acting or has no talent at all. His depiction of Lei is pixel-for-pixel exactly what the writers want for this character; that Michelangelo’s David style of standing around and merely existing. Every moment that I think I see a bit of real emotion, the next scene comes around and completely takes it away. It’s a strange experience.

--

Liang Jing Kang as Mei Zuo -- Wu Xi Ze as Xi Men (AKA The Two that Are Just Kinda There)

Character: 3/9 -- 3/9

Acting: 4/9 -- 4/9

Combined: 3.5/9 -- 3.5/9

I had these character cards and everything set up so that I could analyze these two, but when it comes down to it, just thinking about this drama is too exhausting. Writing deeply about two more crap characters will shorten my lifespan.

They get the short ends of the stick in almost every given situation: backstories, distinct personalities, even lovelines. The whole Cai Na thing was so mindbogglingly terrible that it’s amazing to picture someone sitting down and writing it. Xi Men and Xiao You are cute situationally; but I...don’t care. 

These two have no unique identities. No amount of crappy romance stories involving them will change that. Congrats, original. Your side characters are still exactly that: flat side characters. (”Complaining about copying bad parts of original” tally: 5.)

Technically Speaking (5/9)

You know, for every single drama I’ve watched, I didn’t expect going into this one that I would be taking points off for poor production quality. It’s all the little things that add up and make the viewing experience a minor headache, served as a side to your major migraine that is the script. 

For one, the transitions between scenes tend to be super inconsistent and laggy. It’s most obvious when they show the location of the following scene, but they leave that image of the place up for seven solid seconds before moving on. It’s infuriating. The first time it happens: “Huh. That was weird.” The next time it happens: “Wait.” The next: “Okay, it’s not my video randomly lagging. It’s crap editing.”

And some of the conversations are edited so poorly that you can instantly tell where they started a new take between characters speaking: there are these really awkward lapses in the middle of what should be a smooth back-and-forth. Like, someone will finish asking a question and the other person will stare blankly ahead like they’re still listening for several seconds before actually responding. The conversations are stupid enough as they are; how can it be physically possible that we have to acknowledge these unnatural pauses, too?

Dubbing always takes off points for me. I have been told many different reasons why dubbing in Chinese dramas is necessary, all of which are perfectly valid. And the short of it is that I don’t care. If a drama doesn’t bother making the dubbing fit smoothly with the movements of the actors’ mouths, then I will always hold that against it. Example: whenever Si’s mom comes on screen and opens her mouth, all I can see is a human version of Elmo talking about how much she hates poor people. 

Otherwise, the music is average, too. I’m not a big fan of them including random American pop songs (which definitely respects IP...) regardless of how much it “fits” with the scene. It feels gimmicky. And might I say, Say Something has been ruined for me.

The original soundtrack matches perfectly with the content in that they get very repetitive and they’re not much to boast about in the first place. They’re not awful, but I wouldn’t say they’re good, either. I like that they’re reviving the trend of having F4 sing for the sentimental value, but uh...there’s a reason they’re actors, let’s just leave it at that. 

Extra; Read All About It (1/9)

If someone had asked me 40-some episodes ago whether I would give this show any kind of extra credit, I would have gleefully said yes: a point to the producers, who give us an extra touch of nostalgia in the form of the original Meteor Garden’s theme. It’s sometimes played in its full glory, but you can also hear adapted instrumental versions of it in the background of certain scenes. It’s nice and heartwarming. But alas, the rest of this shitshow drowns out all my happy feelings of hearing that song. 

...Fine; I liked F4’s faces. I’ll only give the casting crew credit for this. Though their acting has room for improvement, I’m glad that they’re the correct age group for their roles.

After all that, I’m sure it’s obvious that I have many more complaints than I do praises for Meteor Garden. I think it’s a blessing that I had anything positive to reflect on at all, considering my mental state by the end of the final episode.

Why did I keep watching, even after dropping it at 32 episodes? Sometimes, the curiosity of how much further chaos can spread is enough motivation. I have many regrets in respect to that curiosity of mine.

I think it’s very possible to enjoy this drama. It’s as simple as having no expectations. Easier said than done, eh? 

So, cast and crew, thanks for trying. Not really. But better luck another time, since this story always comes shuttling back at us.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: The Assassin’s Blade, Ch 19-20

SJM either cuts one measly scene into three chapters or crams 100+ long scenes into on chapter so this one is gonna be super fucking long

Celaena dressed in the nicest tunic she’d brought—which wasn’t really anything to admire, but the midnight blue and gold did bring out the turquoise hues in her eyes.

SJM gotta stop bringing attention to Celery’s Mary Sue eyes because I laugh every time I think about them.

Ansel takes Celery to dinner.

Staying alert as they entered the hall was an effort of will. Yet even with her exhaustion, she instinctively scanned the room. There were three exits—the giant doors through which they entered, and two servants’ doors on either end. The hall was packed wall-to-wall with long wooden tables and benches full of people. At least seventy of them in total. None of them looked at Celaena as Ansel ambled toward a table near the front of the room. If they knew who she was, they certainly didn’t care. She tried not to scowl.

This paragraph right here. This sums up everything wrong with this book.

At first while I was reading this, I was like “Yes finally!! Celery is acting like an assassin! It took us two short stories to get here, but we finally did!” And then SJM immediately ruins it by having Celery cry and wail about nobody giving her special attention.

Boo fucking hoo! You’re an assassin, you’re not supposed to stand out, you fucking spoiled asshole!! This character is utter garbage and I hate her so much, this is actually making me enjoy the ending of E0S where she gets the shit kicked out of her and shoved into an iron coffin. Fuck her. Fuck this book.

Ansel mentions some Lord Berick guy, who Celery has never heard of before.

“He’s the villain,” said a curly-haired, dark-eyed man across from Ansel. He was handsome in a way, but had a smile far too much like Captain Rolfe’s for Celaena’s liking. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.

Nuance who?

Ansel blathers on about Lord Berick and how he’s the most Evil Guy Ever who wants this part of the desert or some shit. No doubt Celery will beat him in one paragraph if they meet, so who really cares.

Outside of the markets in Rifthold (...) she’d never seen such a mix of different kingdoms and continents. And though most of the people here were trained killers, there was an air of peace and contentment—of joy, even.

This place is way tf better than Arobynn’s shitty assassin joint. Please let us stay here?

Vows of silence, Ansel had explained earlier, were taken for as long as each person saw fit. Some spent weeks in silence; others, years. Ansel claimed she’d once sworn to be silent for a month, and had only lasted two days before she gave up. She liked talking too much. Celaena didn’t have any trouble believing that.

That is quite fucking rich coming from you, Celery.

Celaena felt someone’s attention on her, and tried not to blink when she noticed a dark-haired, handsome young man watching her from a few seats down. Stealing glances at her was more like it, since his sea-green eyes kept darting to her face, then back to his companions.

oh no

Their eyes met, and his tan face spread into a smile, revealing dazzlingly white teeth. Well, he was certainly desirable—as desirable as Sam, maybe.

oh god no why this

SJM has basically skipped out on love triangles (Dorito never had a chance in T0G and Tamlin never had a chance in AC0TAR, and you all know it) but nope, she just had to hit all of the shitty YA tropes. Fucking great. Poor Ilias is probably gonna be put down so Celery can realize Sammy is her one true love.

“I’m surprised you caught Ilias’s eye,” Ansel teased, keeping her voice low enough for only Celaena and Mikhail to hear. “He’s usually too focused on his training and meditating to notice anyone—even pretty girls.” (...) “I’ve known him for years, and he’s never been anything but aloof with me,” Ansel continued. “But maybe he has a thing for blondes.” Mikhail snorted.

Holy shit, is this... self awareness? I mean, both the protagonists of SJM’s big ticket series are skinny blonde white girls who have men drooling left and right for them. I bet that new Creamcheese City novel will also feature a blonde “””strong female character””” as the lead.

Celaena pushed around the food on her plate. It wasn’t that she wasn’t romantic. She’d been infatuated with a few men before—from Archer, the young male courtesan who’d trained with them for a few months when she was thirteen, to Ben, Arobynn’s now-deceased Second, back when she was too young to really understand the impossibility of such a thing.

Dude he’s like a fucking adult and she’s barely 16. Get this nasty shit outta my face. So Celery rescued Ben’s body not because he was a good guy, but because she used to have the hots for him?? This is actually gross.

Mikhail asks why Celery’s master beat the shit out of her, and she kisses her own ass for a moment or two while telling the story of freeing the slaves.

“But if the two hundred slaves that I freed are telling the story, then no, I suppose I didn’t deserve it.” None of them were smiling anymore. “Holy gods,” Ansel whispered. True silence fell over their table for a few heartbeats.

HFAKHDKAHDKAHDS I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT

STOP!! MAKING!! EVERYONE!! SPLOOGE!! OVER!! CELERY!! IM SICK OF READING IT GET IT OUT OF MY FACE

The next day (I think?), Ansel takes Celery out to do some running and Celery is pissy that she isn’t immediately getting special attention from the Mute Master. Good to see Celery will never change in her selfish, whiny ways.

Celery fucking sucks at the run to the oasis and everyone continues to lap her.

A small oasis, mostly a ring of trees and a giant pool fed by a shimmering stream, was barely an eighth of a mile away. She was Adarlan’s Assassin—at least she’d made it here.

Stop reminding me she’s Adaran’s Assassin, I fucking know. Remember how I said at the beginning that Celery doesn’t splooge over herself as much as Alien does? Yeah I take it back, Celery is even more obnoxious.

Later on Ansel tries to stroke Celery’s fragile precious little ego by saying she did worse on her first run.

“My first run, I collapsed. Mile two. Completely unconscious. Ilias found me on his way back and carried me here. In his arms and everything.” Ilias’s eyes met with Celaena’s, and he smiled at her. “If I hadn’t been about to die, I would have been swooning,”

No Ilias/Ansel/Celery love triangle, please.

Celaena blushed, suddenly too aware of Ilias’s attention, and took a sip from her cup of lemon water. As the meal wore on, her blush remained as Ilias continued flicking his eyes toward her. She tried not to preen too much. But then she remembered how miserably she’d performed today— how she hadn’t even gotten a chance to train—and the swagger died a bit.

Celaena made her best attempt to look casual as she, too, stood and bid everyone good night. As she turned away, she noticed that Mikhail took Ansel’s hand and held it in the shadows beneath the table.

Apparently Ansel and Mikhail are a thing? I literally don’t care. Mikhail has said like what, five words this entire story? They’re literally just together because SJM can’t stand the idea of having any single characters (unless they’re evil).

Celery chases down The Master to demand her special snowflake treatment.

The Master paused, his white clothes rustling around him. He offered her a little smile. Up close, she could certainly see his resemblance to his son. There was a pale line around one of his fingers— perhaps where a wedding ring had once been. Who was Ilias’s mother? Of course, it wasn’t at all the time for questions like that.

Yeah, no shit Celery. Why are you such an idiot?

The Mute Master is like “wait your turn” and leaves. Ilias shows up for shipping fuel I guess?

“I have no plans to hurt him,” she said softly. But Ilias gave her a half smile, his brows rising as if to ask if she could blame him for being protective of his father.

Maybe I’m a softie, but this endeared me to him somewhat. He seems like a nice guy, which is more than what you get with 95% if SJM’s male characters. How come all of Celery’s love interests Rowboat who are waaay better characters than her?

His eyes were vivid in the torchlight, his hand firm and warm around hers. She let go of his fingers. The son of the Mute Master and the protégée of the King of the Assassins. If there was anyone here who was at all similar to her, she realized, it was Ilias. Rifthold might be her realm, but this was his.

Human brain: don’t get attached, Celery is an asshole

Monkey brain: hhhhhh parallels between partners in a ship...love....

Not that Ilias and Celery are/will be a thing, but you know. I’m a sucker for shit like this.

Ilias suddenly began making a series of motions with his long, tan fingers, but Celaena laughed softly. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say.” Ilias looked skyward and sighed through his nose. Throwing his hands in the air in mock defeat, he merely patted her on the shoulder before passing by

Ilias is a good, pure boy. I’d read a story where Sammy goes to the desert instead of Celery and him and Ilias fall in love and hold hands under the shade of the desert night. Hngh, I really wish I could be reading that fanfic instead of this novel.

As she walked back to her room, Celaena had a horrible feeling that here, being Adarlan’s Assassin might not count for much.

Celery says this like we’re supposed to feel sorry for her, but back in Arobynn;s Assassin joint she flaunts her title around and rubs it in everyone’s face so yeah, you don’t get sympathy from me.

“How long have you been seeing him?” Ansel was silent for a long moment before answering. “Since I was fifteen.” Fifteen! Mikhail was in his midtwenties, so even if this had started almost three years ago, he still would have been far older than Ansel. It made her a little queasy.

Oh. My. God.

See, I personally don’t like huge age gapes in ships (that’s just my personal preference, don’t fucking @ me) but Celery you literally said earlier you were in love with Ben, a fucking grown man, when you were a young teenager you fucking hypocrite!!!!!!!! God I fucking hate Celery!!!!!!!

With nothing else to distract her, Celaena eventually returned to thinking about Sam. Even weeks later, she had no idea how she’d somehow gotten attached to him, what he’d been shouting when Arobynn beat her, and why Arobynn had thought he’d need three seasoned assassins to restrain him that day.

Pretty simple answers. You got attached to Sammy because a) SJM wanted you to so she forced you to start thirsting for him, and b) you realized “oh hey Sammy is a good guy maybe I shouldn’t imagine myself slitting his throat”. What Sammy was shouting will be revealed later to my knowledge, and as for the 3 assassins thing... idk, tbh. I mean, Sammy is just a teenager boy, one big buff assassin should be enough to restrain him.

This chapter finally ends thank fucking god. We still have one more to go for today.

[Celaena] did run farther the next day. And the day after that, and the one following that. But it still took her so long to get back that she didn’t have time to seek out the Master. Not that she could. He’d send for her. Like a lackey.

Stop trying to make me feel bad for Celery being ignored if she’s just gonna splooge about how ~special and uhmayzing~ she is.

Like the assassins in Adarlan, the Silent Assassins weren’t known for any skill in particular—save the uncannily quiet way they moved.

That seems kinda odd. Assassins should be talented at many ways of disposing of people yeah, but wouldn’t it make more sense for some of them to have a knack for a certain type of killing, such as using poisons?

Still, even as [the assassins] corrected her posture and showed her new ways to control her breathing, she tried her best not to snarl at them. She knew plenty—she wasn’t Adarlan’s Assassin for nothing.

If I have to read that fucking sentence one more time I am ripping this book in half. No joke, I am a hair’s length away from not finishing this fucking book. Even E0S never got me to want to throw  the towel in completely and quit like this.

Perhaps if she demonstrated that she was skilled enough in these practices, the Master might take notice of her. She’d get that letter. Even if she had to hold a dagger to his throat while he wrote it.

Wow, asshole! You have to put in the tiniest amount of effort to learn and talk to people and you’re already resorting to violence??? You really are a weak and stupid protagonist and I hate you with every fiber of my being.

The attack by Lord Berick happened on her fifth night.

This made me sit up in my seat, to be honest. We finally get.... plot? Promises of action? Assassins versus assassins? Holy shit, I’m hype!

Apparently the attack happens oh so conveniently when the Mute Master and a bunch of assassins are away on a mission. Celery acknowledges this as extremely convenient, which leads me to believe there may be a rat in the assassin fortress. If not, then this is laughably stupid and convenient.

“We’re not going to kill [the soldiers]?” Celaena whispered back. (...) Ansel shook her head, watching Ilias down the line. “No, though I wish we could.” Celaena didn’t particularly care for the casual way she said it

Why would that fucking bother you?? Don’t act all high and mighty asshole, you’re an assassin the same as her. You both kill people for a living. Jesus fucking christ.

They all fire some burning arrows at an oil ridge in the sand or something which scares off Lord Berick’s goons. The scene ends.

I’m not even joking, this entire scene takes up a page and a tiny paragraph of another. I... I’m fucking speechless. You promise us an action scene and you give us this shitty, glossed over pile of garbage that serves no point? No named characters were even injured!!!!!! Holy fucking shit, SJM, you are a terrible terrible terrible writer! Please fucking stop, I can’t handle any more of these dumpster fires of novels.

The next day Mikail tells Ansel she has orders to go to Xandria, and she invites Celery to go along with, I assume Xandria is a place.....? This chapter ends. I am going to drown myself in chocolate chip cookies to heal.

[whatmoredoyouwant]

I was tagged by @laufire (okay like, not really, but it said whoever wants to do it! lol)

Rules: choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag some friends

Fandoms:

The 100

Grey’s Anatomy

Lost

The First Character You Loved:

Oh wow. Hard one. Hmm...it’s especially hard cause I just rewatched the whole show, so my “first impressions” are a little skewed. I don’t know if it’s more Octavia Blake or Clarke Griffin tbh. I’m like horribly in love with Eliza Taylor, so that’s a big factor, but Octavia’s character is so dynamic and fun. I loved her from that first, “We’re back, bitches!”

This is even harder because the characters have changed so much! I think it would have to be Cristina Yang, even though she’s not in the show anymore. I miss her so much!

100% without a doubt, Charlie Pace. When I watched the show when I was younger, when it was still on TV, I bawled my friggin’ eyes out every near-death and then his eventual death. It’s funny because now I don’t like him nearly as much.

The Character You Never Expected To Love So Much:

Just based on how she was first introduced, Lexa kom Trikru. We get introduced to this badass warrior Commander, twirling a knife and ordering the deaths of Skaikru for burning her warriors, and she turns out to be the biggest gay softie in the world.

A L E X K A R E V. Holy shit, dude. If you told me that Alex Karev would be one of my favourite characters of all time during the first few seasons, I would have laughed. He’s such an asshole, he doesn’t care about anyone, he’s all about machismo and sleeping with the ladies. And then all of a sudden he does this 180 and the whole macho tough guy is just an act, and he’s just this SWEET SOFT TEDDY BEAR UNDERNEATH.

It’s actually crazy how much of a Sun-Hwa Kwon stan I became after rewatching. She’s just such a fucking badass??? Like, nothing gets her down. And the people that disagree with me that Sun is a Slytherin are just WRONG. Like, the woman learns an entirely different language to get away from her murderous, tyrannical father and arguably abusive husband, and plans to just disappear off into a different country. And then, in the flash forwards, she BUYS OUT HER FATHER’S COMPANY? Slytherin. SUCH a Slytherin.

The Character You Relate To The Most:

Hmm...it’s hard to relate to characters in a post-apocalyptic setting, to be honest, cause I just don’t deal with their issues lol. I feel like I would have to say Clarke Griffin, if only for the fact that she’s a headstrong, stubborn bisexual who tries her best to do the right thing, even if sometimes she’s wrong. That’s the closest similarity I can draw from the characters.

Hands down, Cristina Yang. The commitment issues, the aversion to having a baby, the total 100% dedication and obsession with her job and working? Oh, please, I AM Cristina Yang.

Let’s see, Kate’s a runaway, Claire’s pregnant, Shannon’s a rich kid, Sun is too, I don’t know that I can necessarily relate to any of the women. And the men, like, not at all. Everyone seems to have daddy issues and I don’t have those lol. I have “mommy issues.” Does anyone have mom issues? Ooh ooh! Ana Lucia Cortez! Totally had mom issues. Again, that’s really the closest similarity that I can draw from these characters.

The Character You’d Slap:

Ooh man, so many. Thelonious Jaha, for starters. Like, why are you even here anymore? All you do is cause chaos. They should have locked him out of the bunker.

I don’t know that I’d necessarily slap him, but I really don’t like Richard Webber. He has such anger issues and I feel like he just causes unnecessary tension and drama all the time. And his and Catherine Avery’s relationship is so tumultuous and at times, borderline toxic, I’m just sick of seeing the two of them.

Haha, I feel like my first instinct is James Ford aka Sawyer, just because he’s an ass most of the time, but I love him too much. So I’m saying John Locke, because holy shit, dude, can you cause any more trouble?? Just like I said with Jaha, ALL YOU CAUSE IS CHAOS.

Three Favourite Characters (In Order Of Preference):

Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin, and John Murphy.

Cristina Yang, Stephanie Edwards, and April Kepner

Desmond Hume, Juliet Burke, and Sun-Hwa Kwon

A Character You Liked At First But Don’t Anymore:

Jasper Jordan. This show did you so dirty, my poor child. They should have made him go up in the rocket into space with the rest of them. Can you imagine, crazy alcoholic Jasper Jordan, basically being forced into rehab and made to face his demons? Anyway, yeah, he just went a little too crazy for me, and then he just became a nuisance.

I can’t really think of a character that I liked but don’t anymore. If I had to pick someone, maybe Izzy Stevens? I think she got kind of selfish after living through her cancer death, and then she treated Alex really horribly. I was really happy when he told her he deserved more. But like, it’s honestly me nitpicking a character. I certainly don’t hate Izzy, not even close, I just have to pick SOMEONE.

I already mentioned her, but Ana Lucia Cortez was my first girl crush. When I was young, when the show first came out, I was nine years old and didn’t have any idea I was bisexual. I was IN LOVE with Ana Lucia, I was so upset when she died. Years later, when I rewatched it, it dawned on me just how much I hated her character, and I was like, “Why was she my favourite??” And my gay ass was like, “Ohhhh, it’s cause she’s hot as fuck. Got it.”

A Character You Did Not Like At First But Now Do:

They kind of already asked this? But well, I guess it’s a little bit different. For this one, I’ll say John Murphy. He was SUCH an ass, and I mean, he still is, but now he’s a little more human. And even when you watch him being an ass in the first season, you kind of understand it a little bit more now. Certain things can’t be excused, obviously, but at least they’re better explained.

Ooh, wait, another good one! I couldn’t STAND Arizona Robbins when she was introduced. My boss at the time, Ricky, I was talking to him when I first started watching it (when we were in season 12 I think) and he kept asking me to tell him when I’d met Arizona. And when I finally did, I didn’t get it at all. I was like, “Why do you like her? She’s awful??” And now I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Benjamin Linus. God, I HATED him when I first watched the show, because obviously, he was the “big bad guy.” Now...well, he’s still a bad guy, but I appreciate his character so much more. Especially in the last few episodes! He really redeems himself.

Three OTPs: (I decided to read this as 3 OTPs for each fandom because I can) (I’m following suit, 3 OTPS per show!)

Oh man. Don’t even get me staaaaarted. Linctavia will forever be like, my most painful OTP. Followed of course, by Clexa. The third one is hard though? Honestly, I just wanted to ship Roan with someone, just cause I found him so effing hot. Any time he was on screen with someone, anyone at all, I went, “I ship it.” But realistically, like a real ship, I guess I would say Memori. Even though Emori is hard for me to like. I’m hoping she’ll be more likeable in season 5.

This is so painful. Mark Sloan/Lexie Grey, again, my most painful OTP and oh GOD, I miss them so much. Alex Karev/Meredith Grey, don’t JUDGE ME OKAY? And again, the last one is hard. I think it’s a tie between Calzona and Japril. Calzona really fell apart, and fell apart hard, whereas Japril is still kind of being hinted at? (Even though this awful Maggie/Jackson thing is being pushed now, I can’t staaaand this.) 

I was a total Sawyer/Kate shipper as opposed to Jack/Kate, and I stand by that. But on that note, Sawyer/Juliet is my I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP ship. THEY BELONGED TOGETHER. When I was younger, I shipped the hell out of Claire and Charlie but now I kind of hate them together. And now I ship the hell out of Desmond/Charlie lol. Oh, and of course Desmond and Penny, but still, the Desmond/Charlie ship has sailed and I am the captain.

I don’t think I really have any friends on this site who would actually do this if I tagged them...so I’m just gonna say anyone who wants to do it should, just tag @sassybrowsreyes in your post!

[tearlessrain]

Okay. So. I watched TLJ a second time because I took my mom to see it (visiting for the holidays) and I have Opinions. Because in all honesty I did not like it as much the second time.

For spoiler reasons, and because most of it is just me complaining (and/or being pointlessly confrontational and defensive about what I did like), said opinions are quarantined safely under this readmore.

Also just for the record I know I state things like facts as if I think I have answers and should be listened to but this is 100% personal feelings and opinions and I know nothing.

The main takeaway is that I’m okay with how things ended up, I just don’t really like how they got there. If they do a really good job with episode 9 I will feel better about this movie and not be too annoyed that they got a bit lost on the way. That being said, they really did get lost on the way and it was frustrating to watch once I actually knew where they were going with it. I’ll give almost anything a ludicrous amount of grace the first time I watch it. I liked the second Hobbit movie the first time I watched it, let that sink in. My already questionable taste in media becomes vastly worse when I’m watching something for the first time in a theater.

On Luke’s characterization/arc: I’m okay with the concept of it, but the execution was lacking. Responding to a traumatic event by fucking off to a deserted island to sulk melodramatically for years is kind of a very Skywalker thing to do, so I don’t have much issue with that. The logistics of how the Kylo Fiasco actually went down is neither here nor there for me, it’s all being relayed years later by two people who were both not in the best place emotionally at the time of telling so I think taking it with a grain of salt is wise here. And I don’t think his apparently newfound post-Yoda-epiphany snark was inherently bad, I feel like he’s always had the capacity for sass and would fully expect that side of him to emerge with age, but I understand how it felt wrong to people (especially with the transition we got) and I think it would have read better if they’d just had more time to establish act 3 Luke and balanced it with the characterization we’re used to from him. Which brings me to my main complaint about the Luke arc: I didn’t like how they paced it. What I would have liked to see is for the Yoda scene to happen much earlier while Rey is still on the island, then follow that with some scenes of Luke actually being more himself and training Rey (because realistically she has an awful solid mastery of the Force for the two halfassed lessons she got). He can still be opposed to going off to find Kylo on the grounds that Rey really doesn’t know what she’s doing yet even if her intentions are good, thereby prompting her to leave on her own (I mean he did the same thing and then he learned a horrible truth he wasn’t ready to hear, lost his hand, and jumped off a cliff, so I can see him not being jazzed about this).

As an aside, I really don’t like the throwing away the lightsaber thing. It felt too much like the emotional bait-and-switch thing Marvel does a lot and it’s a huge pet peeve for me. I just really hate it. Give me a damn genuine emotional moment for fucks sake. There were ways they could have conveyed the same thing that wouldn’t have felt so jarring and lazily written.

As another aside, and this is totally personal bias, I really love the Yoda scene, just full stop and without shame. It resonates with me in particular because in addition to being a very Skywalker thing to do, wanting to fuck off to a deserted island and hide for a decade because of one failure is also a very me thing to do. So that whole scene was just kinda cathartic on a personal level. They got lazy with Yoda’s dialect, though, which was mildly irritating to my pedantic obsession with keeping one’s lore consistent. It wouldn’t have been that hard to rearrange those sentences.

I also love the end with the twin suns callback. I know people feel like it was cheesy and trite. It is. I know this. I know. But I wholeheartedly love it anyway and I teared up both times I saw the damn movie and I will defend that scene with my life. Fight me.

Oh and shoutout to Actual Fashion Icon Luke Skywalker taking the trouble to astral project himself a stylish new all-black ensemble and perfectly trimmed beard to face Kylo in. Our boy’s still got it.

On the whole Finn/Rose plotline: .... why? Why did it happen at all? There was basically no payoff aside from what I guess was supposed to be a kinda heavy handed resolution to Finn’s personal arc but was ultimately just a waste of Captain Phasma as a character. They introduced Rose and gave her skills that should have been useful for what they set out to do but never got around to having her actually do anything, so while I enjoyed her character, it felt kind of hollow because there was no clear reason for her to actually be in the movie. Same with the casino planet, I loved the aesthetic and concept and atmosphere and that they did something new, but there wasn’t any point to it, they could have gone literally anywhere to find the guy they ended up with. If they’d actually picked up Space Dorian it would have been interesting because he’s not an archetype we’ve seen as much in Star Wars. We’ve seen plenty of grungy outcasts, let’s take advantage of the cool new setting you just presented. It even potentially could have made the eventual betrayal better, if they still needed to do that.

Thinking about the social climate and attitude toward rich people right now, if the betrayal had been a filthy rich arms dealer being let off by the empire because of his own privileges/connections and leaving Finn and Rose behind, I think you’d get a strong emotional response to that in a good way. Instead we’ve got... some guy who happened to turn out to be an asshole. And who could have come from literally anywhere in the galaxy and is not really bringing anything new to the table. He didn’t change as a character at any point, and his presence didn’t say anything that hasn’t been said or change Finn or Rose in any way in the end, so why is he here. I mean the whole casino planet was fun, but the way they did it they could have cut almost the entire thing out and the movie overall would not have been affected.

I just generally feel like 90% of what Finn and Rose did during this movie was only for the sake of giving them something to do and once again splitting up the main three and I’m sad about that because I adore Finn, and he has fantastic chemistry with Poe (whether you ship them or not, that’s irrelevant, I just mean they play off each other well but they’re never in the same place for more than five minutes and it feels like such a waste).

Also not liking that they had to throw in romantic tension with Rose, you want to make it a thing in the next movie fine, but it’s too soon right now, we only just got to know her character, can we maybe chill.

On Poe: I like his arc, I don’t much like the context, it was a bit contrived and of course tied in with the entirely pointless Finn/Rose shenanigans. But in a vacuum, I like where they took him and I like where he’s at now.

On Kylo: honestly? They have my attention and my interest. They didn’t after TFA, but he’s turning into an interesting character and I think I like where this is going so far. As long as they keep doing a good job in 9, I can definitively say that I like Kylo as a villain and as a character. If not as a person. He’s a dick. But it’s a good thing. And I’m sorry but I’m endlessly entertained by his entire uncomfortable relationship with Hux, I desperately need some people who can both cosplay and sing to perform What Is This Feeling from Wicked with these two (I propose Kylo on Elphaba’s parts, Hux on Glinda’s, seriously someone do this). Hux is just so pitiful and Done and it’s great. I usually don’t really like when a movie/show makes one character into a designated punching bag, but he’s inherently so damn punchable that I can’t even be mad. His actor did a fantastic job.

I think those are the main points I came away with, anything else is just nitpicking (porgs are the Jar Jar of the new trilogy, not nearly as bad but they still aren’t cute enough to carry the weight Disney has given them). My strongest feelings are regarding the Luke situation and it’s mostly because in my ill-advised hubris I feel like I know exactly how to fix it and could personally have done it better (that’s almost certainly not true but it’s how I feel). I don’t know what to do about Finn or how to better contextualize Poe’s character growth. I dunno.

But hey, at least Reylo isn’t canon and that’s really all I ever asked for.

[toddsfall]

Let’s talk about Star Wars

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS (don’t say I didn’t warn you)

first off, the entire cast looked like a DELICIOUS SNACC PACK if you were attracted to any of them before and are wondering if they have somehow become more attractive the answer is yes. Yes they have. 

Rose is awesome, I love her (even though I have Thoughts about her storyline, more on that later) and if I see one more racist motherfucker on Twitter try to bend themselves over backwards trying to justify calling her ‘the worst character ever in SW’, ‘unattractive and fat’, ‘the worst part of the movie’ I am personally pulling the plug on the internet. Same goes for anyone trying to hate on Finn, y’all are really transparent and IT’S FUCKING GROSS. YOU RACIST ASSHOLES.

Hmm so anyway, I have a lot of thoughts and most of them will be rambly so come along this ride with me friends (I swear I’ll try to make clear & concise points)

Okay so I want to go right off the bat say that I have loved Star Wars since I was a wee babbie so I’m? going to? love it? always? so yeah, I know I’m biased (but honestly who isn’t? everyone reviewing the movie has their own biases attached to it sooo deal with it) 

The movie starts off with several action sequences which immediately pull us into the story, they got my heart racing from minute one and I was here for it. Also, I got goosebumps the minute I saw Leia/Carrie’s face and I stayed pretty emotional throughout the entirety of the movie. I think they gave her the respect she deserved, her legacy really shined through in every single one of her scenes (and her scenes were among the most memorable in the movie imo)

I loved how much the movie focused on characters. This was a story about people; 

how they can fuck up and fall off their pedestal (Luke); 

try their hardest and still fail someone (Leia and Han failed Ben, it’s sad but it’s true); 

how they can overcome their past and choose the light over and over (Rey was the main focus but Finn and Rose were definitely part of this theme as well); 

how they can feel completely abandoned and isolated and  become completely unhinged, unable to overcome their past and become completely bitter (Kylo Ren/Ben, listen I am not trying to sound like I approve of his actions but I really like how the movie delved into HOW people can become ‘the villain’ in a story, it was an unflinching take on how someone can have very legitimate reasons for becoming the way they am and it still in the end not justifying their actions at all. Idk, other people probably have a take different take on this but I for one found it kind of refreshing). 

This movie really delved into how heroes are people too, everyone fucks up. Everyone. Even the best among us. And we don’t all handle it so well (aka Luke completely abandoning everyone he’s ever loved to die, you could argue that was a pretty egocentric move and maybe that seems out of character - ask yourself if you’ll be the same person you’re now in 30 years now, especially if the current political climate keeps matching the pretty horrifying ones in sw- but it shows how disillusioned he’d become). 

However, in the end it felt to me like hope was still there. All these people, who have lost so much and who have fucked up in various ways (Finn wanting to abandon the rebellion, Poe leading them into a defeat, Leia failing her son, Rey possibly considering joining Kylo?/the darkness, Luke see above) still choose to stand up for what’s right. I know people thought the ending was a bit too cheesy (and I will come back to how choosing this ending will probably end up costing them later) but I loved it. I don’t know about you guys, but movies don’t always have to choose the dark route to end up good for me? Like, sometimes I just want to be entertained and escape into another world where it’s possible for heroes to be flawed but ultimately still good? maybe just me though.

So that’s what I loved most about the movie. Some of my fave scenes: (and I’m sure I’m forgetting some?)

I loved Kylo and Rey’s scenes (because heyyy they have similar experiences and yet are polar opposites, their dynamic has really grown on me! I don’t want them to end up together romantically but their climax will probably be the most interesting villain/hero confrontation in a while - that’s just my opinion thooo-) the scene in the rain, the hand touching and the fight in Snoke’s room were so emotionally charged I liveee

As I said, I loved Leia’s scenes (especially with Poe, god I wish we’d get more of that dynamic but :((( ) the scene with Luke at the end, not gonna lie that one got to me (I mean, it was going to be emotional bc of Carrie anyway but the weight of those last scenes, honest to god chills)

the scene where Admiral Holdo flies into the command ship was fucking MAGNIFICENT seriously, the silence? the visuals? fuck.

I want to go into a really detailed analysis of how the use of old motifs and themes from previous movies in the score carried a lot of the emotional weight forward, but I’d have to watch/listen to the movie again to fully carry that out with the respect it deserves so maybe another time. Just mentioning it because it’s still one of my favorite star wars things (and I know it’s said so many times before but you know what? the music is so good, it should still be mentioned in every single review. don’t do john williams dirty like this) it’s very subtle at times, but I swear I heard some of Darth Vader’s iconic march come through in Luke’s score in this movie? very interesting!! pls let me geek out over music internet I’m begging you

I already mentioned Snoke’s throne room but the moment you see Kylo deciding to kill him is glorious too (props to Adam Driver, seriously you can hate Kylo and I totally understand but attacking the actor - especially when it’s based on his looks, which most of you are wrong about jsyk I don’t make the rules, it’s just science his eyes look like a baby deer?? - is so unnecessary please don’t stoop to the level of those dudebros on twitter attacking rose? like, Kylo has enough bad deeds on his resumé it’s okay you can attack him for that, you don’t need to drag his looks into it so annyyywaay sorry for that tangent it just irks me)

BB8 being the reason while basically any of the resistance is still alive is so fucking funny I’m sorry if you hate it I love my dumb orange cat robot (the reunion with Poe? cleansed my entire soul)

Finn towering over Phasma and spitting out ‘rebel scum’ is Good and should not be forgotten also, speaking of good acting? the way John conveys the inner conflict Finn is going through so subtly is probably going to go unnoticed BUT IT IS GOOD AND I’M GOING TO SHOUT AT Y’ALL ABOUT HOW MUCH HE 5AND DAISY° HAVE GROWN TILL YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULLS

if we’re talking about Iconique scenes, the man licking the ground and saying ‘Salt’ was fucakfmlkdj so funny I can’t explain how fucking funny that was 

I’m not going to dwell too much on what I didn’t like because I believe there is such a thing as analyzing something to death and I don’t want to do that (besides, it’s really not hard to find criticism for this movie. People really out there comparing it to the Phantom Menace? Lies. Y’all really hate this movie huh? Too bad, I was thoroughly entertained and I loved it  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I feel like most of my problems with the movie could have been solved with some changes to the plot. The critiques I agree with are

 the pacing was weird (how long was Rey on that island? it didn’t seem to be that much longer than the entire plot and subplots of the rebels trying to escape the ship, but that was at most like 20 hours sooo) 

the plot was pretty straightforward: conflict-resolution, conflict-resolution, conflict-resolution. I would have liked to have seen this shaken up a bit. The movie could still have focused on characters with higher stakes, more unresolved issues, messier plots. It was a bit too neat. I saw most of the ‘twists’ coming (e.g. kylo killing snoke, boy they really layed it on thick there) except for: leia charging in and shooting poe (heyoo that’s cinema baby), luke actually still being on the island (and something else but I’m completely blanking rn!)

 I think that’s why people don’t like the ending, it’s too neatly wrapped up in a bow (ignoring the fact that there are like 10 rebels left now? that’s seems like uuuh a problem) And while I like it from an emotional resolution point of view, I think the the movie could have done with more tension at the end. More tension, to keep you on the edge of your seat, wanting to immediately see the next movie. that was its biggest flaw imo

and finally - fair warning: I’m conflicted about this- Rose and Finn’s plot. Hooo boy, okay. So, I wanna say that I love them as characters but.. I don’t really want them to get together? idk remove all forced romance from your plot, writers. It will really help unclutter your stories I swear. (that said, I wouldn’t mind them in a relationship as long as it’s not to create tension with rey? or like any love triangle at all. Please leave that garbage at the door). Aside from that, I know people think their plot was the worst of the movie and I don’t think that. However, I think they could have done more with it. Shown more conflict! let Finn be the spark (and he is!! fight me!!) but also conflicted about joining the rebellion. Let Rose be completely torn up about her sister and let her be bitter dammit! They could have used more obstacles, their plot seemed mostly resolved by a deus ex machina (aside from Finn fighting Phasma - who I’m kind of wishing he didn’t kill cause I can sense she has sooo much more in her, honestly Hux is 100 times more boring, you have gwendoline RIGHT THERE FUCKERS USE HER) I didn’t mind the exposition of the filthy rich people planet (YESSS EAT THE RICH STAR WARS PLS SHIT ON THEM AS MUCH AS YOU CAN) but it just lacked.. spark. I hope their plot turns out to be important for the next movie, otherwise it was sadly something that could have been much greater (and it’s really uncomfortable to introduce two main poc characters and then basically have them contribute nothing to the main plot, hmm okay star wars I’m watching you)

I can’t/don’t have the energy to address everyone’s issues, but mostly I don’t agree with people being mad about characters (I think it’s clear I like the direction they’ve taken with most of them), the humour is a bit disneyfied but I really didn’t mind (it’s clear as day some of those cutesy aliens were in there for the money, money, money but like.. it be like that sometimes), I honestly don’t care about Snoke so I wasn’t disappointed his backstory was not a part of this, Rey NOT being a part of the great history before her is important to me (can’t believe I didn’t mention it with my favorite scenes, really regretting that salt guy now) even if they try to backpedal on it later that moment was beautiful in the movie (my space daughter isn’t important in the grand scheme of things but she so iiiiiis!!). All in all, I really liked it. It’s not my favorite movie (not even my favorite star wars movie) but it was damn entertaining! Here’s to hoping that the next movie will be the opposite of this very tight, contained movie. Give me the intergalactic class revolution I deserve (seriously, I hope that’s what Rose and Finn’s adventure was planting? might be idle hope, and I’m trying to keep my expectations low but it would be pretty cool right?)

[kpop-stole-my-sanity]

Blackmail // Mark Lee

Summary: In which the building owner blackmails you into going on a date with his nephew… who turns out to be really cute???

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 3521

A/N: I feel like this title sounds kinda angsty, but I promise that this story is 100% fluff. I had a really good nap the other day, and from this nap, this lil scenario arose so.. yeah, hope you enjoy! :D Feel free to request!

Omg this scenario took so much longer to write than I expected, and it ended up so much longer than I thought it would oh ma lawwwwd. Well, I love Mark Lee, and hope you like this :)

“And here… is the kitchen! What do you think?” 

You beamed at your brother, finding it cute how excited he was about the apartment. “It’s great bro, I’m so happy for you.” 

He laughed and said, “Well, don’t be too happy yet. We still have to actually sign all the paperwork. There’s another person apparently coming down to look at it later, so fingers crossed they hate it!” 

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his statement, and just as you were preparing a sarcastic comment to respond with, there was a knock at the door. You looked towards your brother, questioningly, to which he responded, “That’s probably the building owner.” 

Your brother went to answer the front door, and you followed behind, low-key smoothing your shirt down, wanting to make a good first impression that could hopefully help your brother get the place. He greeted the owner, whose name seemed to be Minjoon, before introducing the two of you. You made sure to be extra nice, remembering all your manners and laughing at all the terrible jokes he made. 

One thing you found out about Minjoon was that he really, really liked to talk. Each time you tried to push the conversation towards the direction of the contracts, Minjoon remembered another story that he just had to tell. You were getting used to his constant talking about himself, so needless to say, you were a little surprised when he asked you what grade you were in. “I’m a senior in high school,” you replied. He nodded thoughtfully, then sat up straighter, a much more serious look on his face. 

“Here’s the thing, I like you guys. I really want to be able to give this apartment to you. However, I already told this person that he could take a look at this house. Since he is willing to pay me more for it, if he says yes to this place, he takes priority.” 

Your brother chewed at his bottom lip, concern clearly painted over his features. You knew how much he wanted to finally move out of your parents’ basement, and he was really hopeful about this apartment. You let out a nervous breath as Minjoon continued: 

“However, I think there’s a way that we can make that all.. go away.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I have a nephew who is around Y/N’s age––sweet kid, a big looker––and I would like for her to go on a date with him. I’ve been bugging him about getting more involved with the ladies, but he keeps avoiding the topic. If not a date, he’s got to at least have some female friends.”

You couldn’t help but gape at the suggestion, disbelief flooding your body. Before you could respond, your brother stated “I’m sorry, but I really don’t believe my sister would feel comfortable with that situation.” You smiled at him gratefully, looking back at Minjoon to see what he would say. 

“It seems I did not make myself clear. If Y/N does not go on a date with my nephew, you have no chance of getting this apartment.”

“I guess I’m not get––”

“I’ll do it.”

Your brother’s head whipped towards you, shocked at your sudden outburst. You gave him a reassuring smile, and whispered, “Don’t worry, it’s just one date.” 

Needless to say, Minjoon was very happy. He gave you all of his nephew’s contact information, and told you when and where to meet him. Before you left, he reminded you that your brother’s apartment was still in his hands, and that if you did not show up to the date, your brother could say goodbye to any chance of getting an apartment any time soon. 

As you left the complex, you turned towards your brother, who had been thanking you ever since you walked out the apartment door. 

“You owe me bro.”

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You stood outside the small cafe, nervously fidgeting with your hands. You felt terrible for judging before you met the guy, but the fact that his uncle had to blackmail you into going out with him had you a little worried. You took a deep breath before finally walking in, looking around the busy cafe for any sign of someone who was waiting for you. It took a while before you realized that he didn’t know what you looked like either, so you took out your phone and shot him a text. 

You: Hello?  ???: Hi…  You: Um… I’m Y/N, the girl who you’re uncle wanted you to meet… ???: Oh, I’m really sorry about that. Are you here? You: Yeah, I’m at the front of the cafe. 

Your eyes roamed around the room thoroughly, wondering which one of these customers would be the one you were meeting today. You chewed at your lip, your nerves taking over as you thought about what, or who, rather, was in store for you. 

???: Look to your left.

Your head flew to the side, the sick feeling of anticipation growing in your stomach. You had no idea what to expect, and that was kind of scary for you. However, when your eyes landed on the blonde-haired boy in the glasses and the pink hoodie who was waving at you, you were more surprised than anything else. 

He was cute. Scratch that, he was really cute. You walked over to him slowly, almost doubting that this was the person you were supposed to meet. He stood up as you got closer, giving you a bow that you returned. He motioned for you to sit across from him, and a moment of awkward silence passed between the two of you. Not being able to take it anymore, he tried to start a conversation. 

“Um.. I’m going to be honest, I didn’t think you were going to show up today.”

You smiled, “Well, I’m a pretty good sister, so I’m trying to do whatever I can to get my brother into that apartment.”

He winced a bit at your statement, then moved his hand to rub the back of his neck sheepishly, “yeah, I’m really sorry about that. My uncle can be really crazy sometimes. This is not the first time he’s blackmailed someone into going on a date with me. I keep telling him to stop, but he won’t listen to me…”

You laughed, thankful that the awkward atmosphere was gone.

“By the way, I didn’t catch your name.”

“Oops, my bad. My name’s Mark… Mark Lee.”

“Well Mark, if you don’t mind me asking… why does your uncle feel the need to get dates for you? You definitely could get them yourself if you tried.”

Your hand flew to your mouth as your face flushed, shocked that you had let the compliment slip from your lips. His face too turned a rosy pink as he looked down at his clasped hands in embarrassment.

“Thank you for that, but it’s not because I can’t get dates… it’s because I don’t want to.”

Your eyebrow quirked up teasingly at his statement, questioning how he phrased his sentence. He responded by widening his eyes and shaking his head and hands rapidly before justifying himself:

“No! That’s not what I meant! I just meant that I’m not interested in dating any of the girls from my school!”

You couldn’t contain your laughter anymore as you watched the flustered boy struggle to find the right words. He was a little surprised at your sudden outburst, but soon realized that you were simply messing with him.

“Oh…”

When you finally calmed down, you faced him again, genuine curiousity on your face:

“Why aren’t you interested in dating girls from your school?”

“Well, the girls from my school are all really rich and preppy… They always act like they’re entitled to everything, and that’s something that I just can’t stand.”

You nodded your head in understanding before asking another question: “I get that there are some people like that…all the girls though?”

He nodded, “In freshman year, there were still people who were nice and humble, but as we got older, more and more people started to become assholes.”

You broke out in a smile at his choice of words, and you could’ve sworn you saw a tinge of red on his cheeks. After a short moment, he cleared his throat and spoke again: “So do you want something to drink? My treat since my uncle basically forced you to come here.”

“Iced tea is fine, thanks, but I’m paying next time.”

He furrowed his brows, confusion written on his face, “Next time?”

You smiled at his CUTE reaction, “Yes, next time. You’re pretty okay Mark Lee, I think we’d be good friends.“

This time, you could clearly see the red on his cheeks. After a quick, “I’d like that,” he ran off to pay for the drinks, leaving you with an amused smile on your face.

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

“Yo, yo, yo, Mark Lee!” you yelled out playfully as he walked over to your table. He rolled his eyes at your loud greeting before sitting down across from you.

After your—surprisingly successful—date with him a few months back, the two of you became inseparable. His uncle was happy, which meant your brother was happy, which meant you were happy, and luckily, you had gained a new friend along the way. Mark Lee was literally the best friend you ever had: he was sweet, caring, funny, a little crazy, and most of all, he knew exactly what to do whenever you were stressed or sad or angry about something. So, it wasn’t too much of a surprise when you found yourself growing fond of the boy, developing more than just platonic feelings for him and his goofy smile. You felt your heartbeat quicken whenever he slung his arm around your shoulder and your breath caught in your throat whenever he laughed. It was really stressing you out, and Mark, being Mark, could totally tell.

“Y/N?…Y/N!”

You shook your head and blinked before finally responding, “Huh?”

Mark chuckled before pressing a finger against your head and giving it a light push.

“You zoned out dumbass. You’ve been really out of it lately…are you sure you’re okay?”

You nodded unconvincingly. The problem with Mark being your best friend was that you had no one else to go to to talk about your problems. That meant you had to keep everything bottled up inside, which you weren’t very good at dealing with, and that made you even more stressed out, and well… it just wasn’t great for you. So you decided to try to relieve some of your stress by striking up “theoretical” situations with Mark in hopes that his obliviousness—Thank God for that—would keep him from figuring out you were actually talking about you.

“Actually… well I’ve got a classmate in my homeroom and she’s been talking to me about a problem she’s been having…” you began.

Mark nodded, encouraging you to continue.

“It’s this classmate she has… they’ve been getting to be super close friends, and she’s starting to develop some more-than-friends feelings, if you know what I mean… And well, she’s so stressed out about it that it’s got me stressed out. What do you think I should tell her?” 

You bit your lip, awaiting his answer. He hummed thoughtfully before responding: “Well, what’s keeping her from telling him?”

“She doesn’t want to ruin their friendship. They’ve got a good thing going right now.” 

“Ah, I see. Well, that’s totally understandable, but if she really likes him, shouldn’t see tell him? He might like her too!” Mark beamed. 

His bright optimism was so infectious that you found yourself smiling too. Unfortunately, if also caused you to realize that if your confession caused you to lose him, you wouldn’t be able to live. You needed Mark in your life, so you selfishly kept your feelings to yourself.

“Thanks Mark, I’ll tell her…”

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

“I’ll get it!” you screamed when the doorbell rang. You rushed downstairs, expecting the package you ordered a week ago, but instead, you found Mark Lee. Unable to contain your disappointment, you let a small pout form on you face as you moved aside to let him in. 

“You’re early.”

“Yeah, and you don’t seem too happy about it.”

You shook your head before smiling brightly at him, “Sorry, I was just expecting my package to come today. But instead I got you,” you teased. 

Mark stuck his tongue out at you before replying, “You love me.” 

You laughed bitterly at his statement, him not knowing just how true it was. Just as the two of you were about to make your way upstairs, your parents came in the room. 

“Mark!” They exclaimed excitedly. Ever since the two of you became friends, your parents have loved Mark. They thought he was incredibly kind and sweet, and they were right about that. They actually often told you how perfect of a boyfriend he would be, and would drop hints whenever he was around to embarrass you. It was terrible. 

“Hi Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N!”

“Well, you just keep getting more and more handsome every time I see you, doesn’t he Y/N?” your mother questioned. 

“Mom~” you whined, your cheeks flushing a light pink. 

“Okay, okay, well you kids have fun alright? We’ll be gone until tomorrow afternoon, so make sure you guys eat your meals and stay safe!” 

You gave both of your parents quick hugs and kisses goodbye before dragging Mark up the stairs to your room. You jumped on the bed as soon as you entered, and Mark followed in suit after placing his bag in the corner of the room. 

“So, what movie do you want to watch today?” you asked, having no clue yourself. After comfortably adjusting himself against the headboard, Mark simply shrugged, to which you responded with a light snort. 

“I guess we’re scrolling through Netflix.” 

After a good 20 minutes of browsing and being totally indecisive, you guys settled on watching “The BFG,” bringing both of you back to your childhood. Watching movies with Mark was basically just an excuse for the two of you to cuddle. He laid propped up against the pillows on your bed, and you snuggled close to him, head on his chest and his arm around your shoulders. It was a position perfectly comfortable for the both of you, but recently, it’s been difficult for you to just focus on the movies you watched. You could hear his heart beating steadily against his chest, and his slow, systematic breathing. You could feel his warmth against your cheek and smell the scent of his cologne off his shirt. You were completely encapsulated with thoughts of him that you didn’t even notice when your eyelids started fluttering close. 

You woke up tangled up with Mark, closer than either of you had even been before. The two of you had fallen asleep together, something that you’d never done before, and during the night, you apparently did some serious cuddling. Your face was pressed in his neck, your lips just centimeters away from his collarbone. His chin rested on top of your head and his arms circled your waist, one hand resting on the small of your back and the other on your hip. Your own arms were wound around his waist, your hands coming into contact with his bare back, where his shirt had ridden up. Your bare legs were tangled between his, and you swore your body was on fire. When you finally had the courage to move, you looked up at his face only to find him dangerously close––and awake. He smiled smugly at you before whispering in his hoarse morning voice, “Morning, beautiful.” 

You immediately felt your face heat up, and you quickly untangled yourself from him. 

“I’m going to wash up,” you stated quickly, before walking to the bathroom and splashing cold water on your face. 

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

Tears streamed down your cheek as you watched the last of the sun disappear along the horizon. Earlier that day, you had found out that your parents had gotten into a car crash, and your dad was still unconscious in the hospital. Your mom was recovering, so the doctors said that you couldn’t visit her until tomorrow. How could everything have gone so wrong so quickly? 

Lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice a figure taking a seat beside you. He scooted closer to you until your shoulders were touching, and only then did you look up. Well, you could’ve guessed who it was: Mark Lee. As soon as your eyes met his, you broke down, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and sobbing into his shoulder. He met you with open arms and placed gentle, reassuring kisses to the top of your head. 

You don’t know how long you cried, but when you started getting dehydrated, Mark took you bye the hand and pulled you toward your house. 

He gave you water and made you food, and he didn’t get upset or frustrated when you told him you weren’t hungry. He brought you upstairs and let you lay your head on his chest again, and you stayed their until you fell asleep, with him gently stroking your hair and humming sweet songs to you. 

That was the day that you realized you really could not accept just being friends with Mark anymore. 

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

A few days after Mark comforted you, your father woke up, leaving you happy and relieved. You spent all your free time visiting your parents, tending to their every need and making sure they were comfortable. That meant that for the past few days, you didn’t really get to see Mark, and you were starting to miss him a lot. You had already decided that you were going to confess to him, but you just didn’t know when. 

When you mother and father were finally discharged from the hospital, you decided that it was time for you to face your fears and talk to Mark about your feelings. 

You: Hey Mork Leeeeeee~~ Mork: Hey! Look whose alive :P You: Haha, very funny Mork: But seriously, how are your parents doing? You: Much better, thanks, they’re finally home, and the doctors cleared them for daily activity, so that’s a relief.  Mork: Yes it is.. listen, if it’s okay with you, can we hang out today? You: Oh, did Markie-poo miss me? Mark: Yes I did, you dork. Now, meet you at the café in half an hour? You: See you there. 

You took a deep breath.  I guess this is it…

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

As you waited in front of the café, you remembered the first time that you stood there. You were even more nervous now than you were then. How in the hell were you going to do this? While you were in the midst of convincing yourself to turn around, run away, and never look back again, your phone rang, waking you up from your thoughts. It was Mark, and he was no doubt wondering where you were. Instead of picking up, you simply walked into the café and made your way to the table where the two of you always sat. 

“Sorry I’m late, I was…daydreaming.”

“Daydreaming?”

“Yes, daydreaming.” “About what?”

You took a deep breath. It was now or never.”

“Uh… it was kinda about you.”

He nearly choked on his drink, looking at you with a shocked expression. His doe eyes had doubled in size, and you couldn’t help but think he looked incredibly cute like that. “M-Me?”

“You see, remember when I told you about that classmate of mine? Well–”

“You were talking about yourself, and your actually head over heels completely in love with me?”

It was now your turn to be surprised, “Wait Wha-How did you know?”

He chuckled before bringing his face close to yours. 

“You’re pretty obvious, you know. I may be oblivious, but not even I’m that oblivious.”

You blushed hard before shyly asking, “Then why didn’t you say anything?”

Mark only grinned: “I wanted to make sure you were comfortable with it first before confessing. You obviously were still dealing with some problems, and I was willing to wait until you were ready for the next step.”

“Wow, what a sweetheart,” you teased, secretly thankful for his thoughtfulness. 

“You know it. Well, now that we’ve both established that we like each other, I would like to officially ask you out on a date.” You beamed brightly at him, “I’d love to.”

“Well, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time for me to do something I’ve been waiting a very long time to do.”

“And what’s that?”

He suddenly reached across the table, pulling your face closer to his own. You saw a devilish twinkle in his eyes before he pressed his lips on to yours, molding them together gently before separating. A stupid grin appeared on your face as you made the incredibly intelligent comment: “That was nice.”

He laughed wholeheartedly at you then placed a soft kiss on your cheek. 

“There’s plenty more where that came from.”

[theofficialcunt]

“No, it’s fine. I can wait until you’re done talking to them.” - said by Adore when she thinks Bianca is flirting with Courtney when in fact Bianca's on the phone with Courm trying to find out what to get Adore for her birthday

Woo! I’m back bitches! ✨ 2k words. Maybe a continuation if anyone is interested. 😏 Let me know! 

It had been a tradition to have a top 4 lunch once a year since they all ended drag race.

This year was no exception.

Adore was been running late, she was coming straight from the airport which made things complicated.

“Adore isn’t going to be here for another 15 minutes tops, she said just to order without us.” Bianca huffed to Darienne, running her nail along the phone screen. She knew Adore would have been on time if she had gone through literally any airport but LAX, but since she was coming home last minute she bought whatever flight she could get. Still, it was frustrating nonetheless - especially since it has been a couple of weeks since they last saw each other.

Courtney was also mysteriously missing in action, leave it to the two young twinks to be late to a lunch they’ve had planned for months.

“Oh god. Okay, well I’m going to use the restroom and powder my nose since it’s gonna be a minute. Be right back.” Darienne excused herself briskly, getting up from the table.

That left Bianca by herself, but as Darienne stood up her phone buzzed.

“Oh good, did you finally remember we have a lunch date?” Bianca snapped bitterly into the receiver.

“Bianca! I was making a pit stop to get something for Adore’s birthday since I’m not gonna see her until after - but I’ll be there soon.” Courtney reassured her. “What did you get her?”

Shit. She had totally forgot to get something for Adore. Well not forget exactly. She had searched countlessly for a gift for her - but ended up giving up because she really didn’t know what to get someone who had access to whatever she wanted.

“I’m not sure.” Bianca confessed, sighing heavily. “I don’t know what she likes.”

“She’ll like anything you give her pussyface.” Courtney said matter of factly. “You could give her a $5 bill and she would squeal with joy because its from you.”

Bianca would never give Adore something that small, but she nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Or you know, you could give her something morememorable.” Courtney purred.

“You know that’s not a bad idea.” Bianca laughed. “Get some lube and slather it all up.”

The two of them cackled loudly, Bianca smirking as they continued their banter back and forth.

“Ahem.”

Bianca turned around and was met with Adore’s dark beady eyes.

“Oh shit my babygirls here!” Bianca exclaimed, giving her a side hug. “I gotta go-”

“No, it’s fine. I can wait until you’re done talking to them.” Adore snapped coldly, taking a seat next to her as she occupied herself with her phone. She threw her long black hair over her shoulder annoyed, finding any excuse to avoid Bianca’seyes.

She knew she was going to be late, but she wasn’t expecting Bianca to be at the table by herself - on the phone flirting with god knows who. She had been standing there for a solid two minutes before Bianca had even noticed her. She was too engrossed in her conversation about sex toys - with another person. She knew flirting was harmless, but it still pissed her off to no end.

Bianca muttered her goodbye, and set her phone on the table just as Darienne re-appeared from the bathroom. Convenient, Bianca thought bitterly. Now she would have no time to explain herself to Adore, who visibly pissed off.

“Adore! When did you get here?” Darienne shrieked, giving the younger queen a tight hug.

“Just a few minutes ago.” Adore smiled faintly, squeezing her back softly.

“Hi everyone!” Courtney shrieked from across the restaurant, waving her arms around as her bags rattled on her arms. She looked like a typical rich beverly hills housewife, wearing a long wavy blonde weave with a large black sunhat. She was wearing a black and white striped maxi dress as well, and cat eye sunglasses.

She made her way through the crowded restaurant, plopping in between Bianca and Darienne after she planted kisses on everyone’s cheeks.

“So Adore, I have a gift for you! Open it now please!” Courtney exclaimed, shoving the bag eagerly into her lap.

“What’s the occasion?” Adore asked confused, staring at the bag.

“Your birthday is in two weeks, and I don’t know when I’ll see you again.” Courtney frowned. “So I decided to get you something now.”

Adore gently tore away the tissue paper, revealing a small black box wrapped with a single black ribbon. Lifting the lid slowly, she revealed a crystal pipe encrusted with hundreds of swarovski crystals.

“Oh my god, this is lit. Thank you Courm!” Adore exclaimed, turning the pipe in her hand watching the crystals change color in the light.

“You’re welcome!” Courtney beamed, winking at Bianca as she removed her sunglasses.

“I got you something too actually.” Darienne spoke up, handing a small card to Adore.

“Oh great, you guys are making me look like the asshole!” Bianca exasperated. She literally didn’t have one gift for Adore, and here these bitches were giving her crystal covered pipes and money.

The group laughed, Adore even cracking a smile despite her icing out Bianca the last few minutes. She opened up the card, thanking Darienne graciously for the crisp $100 bill.

“I’m sure you have something special planned.” Darienne suggested.

“Yeah, just like what we were talking about earlier.” Courtney giggled, elbowing Bianca.

“Will you shut up?” Bianca hissed, her cheeks turning a bright red hue.

“Oh god.” Darienne scoffed, brushing a strand of hair out of her eye. Adore raised an eyebrow at the two of them curiously, wondering what on earth they could have been talking about.

“Is that who you were talking on the phone with when I got here?” Adore asked, focusing her attention on Bianca. It wasn’t often she became flustered, so for her to be turning beet red meant she was caught off guard.

“Yes, you nosy cunt.” Bianca retorted, flashing a joking smile at her. She flashed a look of s.o.s at her best friend, trying to get her to change the subject as soon as possible.

Courtney looked at Bianca at the right time, noting her panicked expression before she proceeded with the conversation.

“So Adore,” Courtney started, holding her face in her hand. “Tell me about your new album.”

Adore had noticed the weird exchange between Bianca and Courtney, hating how she always felt like a third wheel when she hung out with them. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how Darienne was feeling, just sitting next to her watching the tense exchange awkwardly as she sipped on her drink.

She decided to let it go though, telling the group about the album - not caring that Bianca had heard the whole spiel a million times over. Courtney’s eyes lit up at the idea of her exploring a new genre, and was generally supportive which she loved. Darienne also showed her support, talking animatedly about how she was always excited for Adore’s new albums. Bianca attempted to grab Adore’s hand underneath the table, but she swatted it away subtly. She didn’t try again the rest of the lunch.

After they all went their separate ways, Bianca and Adore posed with a few fans before they headed home together.

“Can you tell me what the fuck your problem is?” Bianca huffed, as they walked towards her car.

“My problem,” Adore started. “Is that you’re constantly flirting with Courtney.”

Bianca’s eyes widened at the absurd statement.

“Flirting with Courtney? Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t stand that twink half the time - why on earth would I want to be with her?” Bianca hissed.

“I don’t know, but I’m always on the sidelines when it comes to her.” Adore huffed. “You didn’t even fucking notice that I had been standing there for a few minutes when you were on the phone with her.”

“What? H-how long were you standing there? Did you hear anything that we were talking about?” Bianca stammered, caught off guard. She hoped to god she didn’t hear the part about the lube, especially because that could be taken out of context.

“Unbelievable.” Adore blurted out, shoving her hands in the pockets of her shorts as she walked away from Bianca.

“Adore.” Bianca called impatiently, picking the bottom of her maxi dress up as she shuffledto catch up to her. Adore was practically stomping down the street in her doc martens now, her long dark hair flying dramatically in the wind as she exaggerated her stride.

Adore couldn’t believe Bianca had the audacity to have an affair with Courtney of all people. She was practically having phone sex with her when she got there, then all of those shared looks in the restaurant was the cherry on top. She realized exactly what was going on now.

“Adore, wait.” Bianca grabbed her wrist firmly, spinning her around.

“What?” Adore snapped angrily, trying to keep it together in front of her. She didn’t want her to see her cry.

“It’s not what it looks like.” Bianca panted, trying to catch her breath.

“That’s what they all say-”

“No Adore,” Bianca asserted, staring at her seriously. “We were on the phone talking about what I should get you for your birthday.”

“What?” Adore questioned, not believing her.

“She suggested that I, uh. Oh god-” Bianca stammered, turning red. She was really not used to being so out in the open with her sex life.

Adore was smirking now, understanding where this conversation was headed - but wanted to hear Bianca say it.

“That you what?” Adore asked amused.

Bianca stared up at Adore, who was now clearly enjoying seeing her squirm. This is what she got for opening up to Courtney, she thought grimly.

“That I plow you like no tomorrow.” Bianca exasperated, sighing heavily.

Adore let out a hearty laugh, not caring who heard her as it rang throughout the narrow street.

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Adore wiggled her eyebrows, grabbing her hand as they walked into the parking garage.

“You know how I am about that kind of stuff.” Bianca muttered.

It was fun to see Bianca flustered, Adore realized. Usually it was the other way around.

She decided she wanted to have some fun with it.

“Oh my god, Bianca! Stop undressing me with your eyes. We’ll fuck when we get home.” Adore yelled loudly, playfully shoving her.

“What the fuck?” Bianca exclaimed, looking around worriedly. She noticed a group of guys in the corner of the parking lot peering at them curiously.

“Don’t play hard to get now. I know you want this booooody.” Adore drawled, moving her hands down her waist slowly.

“Can you shut the fuck up?” Bianca hissed, eyeing the group of guys who were now laughing at them and taking videos.

“You know what Bianca? Let’s just do this right here!” Adore shrieked, tearing her shirt off and spinning it around her head. The men in the corner began cheering, snapping pictures left and right.

“Are you broken? Did the weed finally fuck up your brain cells after all these years?” Bianca asked infuriated, pulling her arm as they finally madeit to her car. She opened up the door for her, picking her up and shoving her in the passenger seat. She was roaring loudly with laughter, holding her shirt in her hand as she watched Bianca stomp around the car angrily.

“Having fun?” Bianca asked annoyed, turning the car on.

“Fuck yeah, I am.” Adore laughed, watching the guys finally walk out of the parking lot.

“You’ll definitely be getting a pounding tonight.” Bianca murmured.

“What?” Adore asked curiously, genuinely not hearing what she said.

“Nothing.” Bianca smiled darkly. “Nothing at all.”

[broke-ass-twat]

all of them . . .

Fuck you and fuck the anonymous asker and lets fucking get this shit started. Also do your goddamn work Izzy.

200: My crush’s name is: Hey Izzy. Because that was such a huge secret199: I was born in: October198: I am really: Bored197: My cellphone company is: AT & T (Are you gonna ask my mother’s maiden name and first pet name now?)196: My eye color is: Brown195: My shoe size is: 11?194: My ring size is: Decently large193: My height is: 6 foot tall god192: I am allergic to: Assholes. And cats and dogs and eggs and milk and eggplant191: My 1st car was: I had a first car?190: My 1st job was: I had a first job?189: Last book you read: The first 6 pages of Cat’s Cradle. Alternatively book 25 of Desolate Era (it’s a Chinese wuxia novel)188: My bed is: Comfortable?187: My pet: Don’t have one186: My best friend: I have several185: My favorite shampoo is: Head and shoulders184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox183: Piggy banks are: Chill182: In my pockets: 2 bic pens, typically my phone, wallet, asthma pump, chapstick, and keys181: On my calendar: I don’t really use calendars180: Marriage is: Something I’ll get to179: Spongebob can: Suck my dick (I don’t really get spongebob?)178: My mom: is caring but could use some chill177: The last three songs I bought were? I don’t honestly remember the last time I bought a song. Which is a lie but I don’t know what I bought176: Last YouTube video watched: Vaguely watched the youtube video for Girls by Mura Masa175: How many cousins do you have? Total of 3 I think174: Do you have any siblings? I have a twin sister173: Are your parents divorced? Yes172: Are you taller than your mom? Definitely171: Do you play an instrument? Nope170: What did you do yesterday? Die slowly

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Sort of yeah168: Luck: Sort of but not really167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Honestly not really and that accounts for at least 2 rather important problems I can think of165: Aliens: Sure164: Heaven: No163: Hell: No162: God: No161: Horoscopes: They’re fun and sometimes fool me but no160: Soul mates: Not really?159: Ghosts: Sometimes momentarily hen I se shit move in the dark out of the corner of my eyes158: Gay Marriage: Yah157: War: Depends but yah156: Orbs: ????155: Magic: I fucking wish

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Um. Fucking both. but kisses153: Drunk or High: Depends. Mostly drunk152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Read heads are hot150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes149: Hot or cold: Hot148: Summer or winter: Feeling winter atm (I know its odd)147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate when eh. Vanilla when stuff is quality145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Orange143: Curly or Straight hair: Um. Curly?142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds is my shit (cuz apple pie)141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate you fucking heathen140: Mac or PC: Mac (theyre prettier tho I know PCs can be better)139: Flip flops or high heals: I don’t really wear either. Both are fine.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I can be ugly, sweet, and rich. Tho I guess this means ugly person. Ugly and rich since I’d just do whatever the hell I want and be rich137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremate this mess134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing133: Coach or Chanel: My dude I know fuck all about either brand. Still would go with Chanel132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who the fuck?131: Small town or Big city: Big city130: Wal-Mart or Target: They’re both cool. target feels nicer tho129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I hate them both128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: This is actually hard. Um. Shit. Hm. Weast coast?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. My birthday doesn’t tend to mean a whole lot to me (probably cuz I didn’t really have birthday parties as a kid)125: Chocolate or Flowers: I’ve never gotten flowers and that’d be chill but chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney probably.123: Yankees or Red Sox: Yankees you fucking heathen

[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Avoid it if possible121: George Bush: No very intelligent120: Gay Marriage: It’s fine119: The presidential election: Kill me118: Abortion: It’s your choice and fuck what other people have to say. Though it’s interesting to think about if one potential person wants the child and the other doesn’t. At which point I feel like whoever really wants it that bad should have sole care of it otherwise it’s unfair to both the child and one who didn’t want it. And if the dude wants the child then it’s still the woman’s choice I feel like? But this is rocky but would make a fun conversation tbh117: MySpace: Stop poking the dead thing with a stick116: Reality TV: Mostly really dumb with marginal entertainment115: Parents: Mine I guess are half really good but hard on me for good reason and the other half I seriously feel like I couldn’t care less about. In general Id hope for them to be caring, understanding, firm, and logical114: Back stabbers: Fuck em113: Ebay: Chill concept I’ve never used112: Facebook: Blackhole for my time111: Work: I hate doing it as it very rarely interests me110: My Neighbors: Chill109: Gas Prices: High I guess?108: Designer Clothes: Can be cool but mostly just why and dumb107: College: Fucking scam but also really cool adult babysitting106: Sports: theyre alright I suppose. Don’t really pay them any mind at all105: My family: I only pay attention to the ones I interact with even though there is a family member I really should talk to but don’t cuz I have a hard time caring although I really should104: The future: Scary

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Today sorta. If not today then sunday102: Last time you ate: Like an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Thanksgiving100: Cried in front of someone: It’s been a while. Don’t remember99: Went to a movie theater: During spring break like 2 weeks ago98: Took a vacation: like 2 weeks ago97: Swam in a pool: been a while. Swam in the ocean like 2 weeks ago

96: Changed a diaper: I’ve never done that

95: Got my nails done: never94: Went to a wedding: It’s been a few years. Would’ve liked to go to one this year but couldn’t for some pretty shit reasons93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Never91: Broke the law: Um. Like Saturday90: Texted: like 30 minutes ago

[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Things that are funny. Also myself88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Parents paying for shit87: The last movie I saw: Get out86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Figuring out my shit85: The thing im not looking forward to: the future84: People call me: Kemi83: The most difficult thing to do is: Have self control and follow through on it82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Libra80: The first person i talked to today was: Today a girl named sara cuz I was up and around at 2am79: First time you had a crush: Like elementary school78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: There is no one I can’t hide things from77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I have no idea. Probably within the last few days76: Right now I am talking to: Well right now I’m not talking to anyone75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hopefully happy and relatively successful74: I have/will get a job: hopefully over the summer73: Tomorrow: Is another day72: Today: Is my current reality that I really should use a lot more wisely but tend not to71: Next Summer: It’d be nice to be a more productive person70: Next Weekend: Probably gonna be doing fuck all instead of doing work69: I have these pets: I don’t have pets68: The worst sound in the world: Nails on a  chalkboard, velcro ripping, people chewing with their fucking mouths open. I can’t choose one67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Um. Prolly my stepfather?66: People that make you happy: My friends occasionally family when they aren’t disappointed in me65: Last time I cried: I dunno64: My friends are: Chill63: My computer is: Cool but mostly a huge distraction I literally can’t live without cuz I need it for everything. And I also really like it.62: My School: Is meh. Some chill people61: My Car: Don’t have one60: I lose all respect for people who: I suppose cheat59: The movie I cried at was: I dunno58: Your hair color is: Black57: TV shows you watch: I dunno. A lot 56: Favorite web site: Youtube probably55: Your dream vacation: Europe54: The worst pain I was ever in was: I don’t remember feeling pain I thought was all that intense. Like shit has hurt a lot but not like holy fuck I’m screaming53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium52: My room is: A little dirty atm51: My favorite celebrity is: Um. Gordon Ramsey I suppose? Don’t really have one50: Where would you like to be: In a very nice restaurant sipping very nice whiskey with a lot of money. Ive said this before.49: Do you want children: Maybe eventually. At least 2 but not more than 348: Ever been in love: yeah47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple46: More guy friends or girl friends: I definitely have more girl friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My girlfriend would be nice to just chill with tbh43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Don’t be a failure is sorta just it. realistically grad school.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: I actually haven't 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope40: Last person I got mad at: Um. I dunno39: I would like to move to: Somewhere on the west coast38: I wish I was a professional: Chef

[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Twix is up there36: Vehicle: Teslas are pretty fucking cool35: President: Obama probably wasn’t the best but damn was he chill34: State visited: California never really disappoints me33: Cellphone provider: AT &T I guess? What the hell sort of question is this32: Athlete: Um. Don’t really have one. Ichiro Suzuki seems pretty chill. Curtis Grandson also seems chill. What can I say my stepdad likes the Yankees. Well so does my father31: Actor: Um. idk30: Actress: Idk29: Singer: Adele comes to mind cuz damn that voice. But I probably have others I like more and don’t remember28: Band: Mura Masa is high up there for producers. So is Flume, Ekali atm, Ta-ku, and Snago27: Clothing store: Don’t really have one. Uniqlo is pretty chill26: Grocery store: Fairways is chill25: TV show: Adventure time probably24: Movie: Don’t really have one tbh23: Website: I Don’t per se have a favorite. I like tumblr and Facebook 22: Animal: Deer are chill21: Theme park: Don’t have one. Which ever one has the wildest roller coasters20: Holiday: Um. Christmas19: Sport to watch: Baseball if I had to choose18: Sport to play: Ultimate frisbee17: Magazine: Cooks Illustrated is cool16: Book: Don’t really have one15: Day of the week: Friday or saturday14: Beach: Orange beach atm cuz it’s the nicest one i’ve been to13: Concert attended: Shitttttttt. Alina Baraz and Jauz are really high up there12: Thing to cook: I like making pasta cuz I do all sorts of shit to the sauce and I’m good at it. I also make pretty decent pork chops and shit. I dunno. 11: Food: Sushi probably. Also like steak and curry a lot.10: Restaurant: Um. Five guys? I don’t really have one.9: Radio station: Don’t really listen to radio8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t know any7: Perfume: same as above6: Flower: honeysuckle5: Color: Blue and green4: Talk show host: Don’t have one3: Comedian: Louis C.K. is great2: Dog breed: Cant choose1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Very