#i took a whole sociology course about this

[ittybittyremy]

I really hate the use of the word "hypocrite" in the CR fandom because it doesn't let people appreciate the nuances of the characters/situations. This is not to say that the characters don't have their hypocritical moments. I just think there are people who slap the word on a character and call it a day, not even bothering to try to understand it.

I have more to say but TLDR: Hypocrisy is a fact but it feels like an insult because it implies that there is no reason that the contrast of ideas exists.

You won't like to hear this but everybody (including you) is/will be a hypocrite at some point. There are many cases of this, some more severe than others.

As a small example, I hate the sound of other people clicking their pens repeatedly but I click my pen repeatedly all the time. Is that hypocritical? Yes! You could slap that label call it that and call it a day and it wouldn't be technically wrong. However, you could also figure out why these contrasts exist. In my case, my thing with noises has to do with control. I don't mind my pen clicking because I can choose the tempo and decide when to stop it. But others make that exact same noise, I can't control it and I don't know when it'll stop.

Hypocrisy is a fact but it feels like an insult because it implies that there is no reason that the contrast of ideas exists.

This is not meant to say that all hypocrisy makes sense or has reason. Reasonless hypocrisy is one of the foundations of prejudice/discrimination but that's a whole other conversation.

There will also be reasons of hypocrisies existing that you disagree with. However, just because you disagree with the reason doesn't mean that the reason does not exist.

Back to Critical Role

I made this post because of people's reactions to Ashton regarding their views on the gods versus the primordials. During the CR Cooldown, the cast calls Asthon out for their hypocrisy of their views on the gods versus the titans. This is what Taliesin says about it:

"It's the difference between the feeling of being small in front of someone rather than being small in front of everything. Is really what happened, which is instead of having the smallness and raging at the big person, it was 'I'm in the middle of this.' [Asthon] didn't feel separated from it... It was more feeling the place in the cosmos, rather than actual people going 'oh it's you' and you're like 'fuck'."

Of course, you can understand Ashton’s hypocrisy and disagree with the reasoning. That's fine, as long as you see their reasons and acknowledge that they exist. It may not make sense to you but it makes sense to the character.

[jebewonmorelike]

Hao You Like That?

wc: 2.6k (guys i can't stop writing 2.6k words pls send help and love) pronouns: none used; n/a (if u find any that i wrote by mistake, pls let me know) warnings: none? a bit angsty, a bit fluffy... a mention of drinking, bullying/jealousy, food... maybe a swear or two? ricky pops up at the end, but that's not a warning it's a very pleasant surprise summary: oh no, you guys. trainee!reader is zhang hao's arch nemesis... i hope they aren't secretly harboring romantic feelings for eachother! ~masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ Not ready for eliminations guys. I think all of my top picks are safe (I'm getting so worried about Jay though), but I truly love ALL of those boys so much. I can't wait to see what they all do next. Can't believe we'll have Bep1er in like two weeks...

"(Y/N)!"

You chew your cheeks silently as your dance teacher shouts your name, bracing yourself for the inevitable criticism.

He glares at you a moment, before snapping his fingers and pointing to the center of the formation. “Stand there.”

You glance at Zhang Hao, the trainee that is currently standing at center and who also happens to be your arch nemesis. Zhang Hao had always been the darling of your company, an extremely talented dancer, vocalist and notable visual. But the first day you walked through your company’s doors as a fresh-faced trainee with an enviable skillset, Zhang Hao had suddenly found himself faced with real competition for the first time since he started training.

So for the past year it’s been a constant professional battle between the two of you, but on more than one occasion things had felt quite personal. When you were awarded center and main vocalist in your training group’s number for the company showcase in the spring, you woke up the morning of the performance to a large rash around your collarbone and running up both of your arms. Come to find out, Zhang Hao had exploited your well-known allergy to nickel and switched your costume jewelry for the performance with his.

This offense, of course, called for payback of equal or higher severity. When Zhang Hao was selected to perform solo for investors last fall, you spread a rumor around the company that he still wet the bed. The rumor spread so far that when Zhang Hao took center stage, one of the investors asked the CEO loudly, "Oh, this is the bed-wetter boy you were talking about?"

Hao is absolutely fuming right now and you can tell by the lack of expression on his face. No visible reaction from him always meant you'd be paying for whatever you earned later.

He steps aside as you take center, moving to your previous spot as you run the dance this way for your teacher. You give it your all, but you're admittedly a bit surprised to be considered for center for "How You Like That". You had been up all night for a week trying to finish an essay for your Sociology class and you hadn't stayed at the company past nine for the last three days. Practicing this dance had been low on your list of priorities.

As you hit your final pose, your teacher nods thoughtfully. He always looks so angry that you can never tell what he's really thinking until he says it out loud.

"I think we should put it up to a vote," he says decidedly.

Your eyes find Hao's quickly, a look of surprise on his face mirroring yours. "A vote?"

Your teacher claps his hands together. "A vote. You can practice for 24 hours. And tomorrow at this time, you'll both battle it out and the whole company will vote on it."

You swallow hard. "This is a terrible idea."

"What? Afraid you can't beat me?" Hao challenges with a smirk.

You study him for a second: his stupid (perfect) hair, his stupid (fashionable) outfit, his stupid (handsome) face. You know very well that he hates this idea as much as you do, if not more.

Your status as the top two trainees at the company made you both targets of jealousy and bullying, often leaving you feeling ostracized from much of the group. Funnily enough, Zhang Hao was probably the only person who could really understand how you feel most days, so it was both ironic and a real shame that he hated you most of all.

"No. I'm afraid of what will happen to me when I do," you reply, folding your arms as you turn your attention back to the front of the room.

Your teacher sighs in disbelief. "You two are the most annoying students I've ever had. Talented... But so irritating."

Some trainees behind you laugh while your teacher dismisses the group practice and you quickly gather your things and run out the door to an individual practice room.

~

You practice for a few more hours, not really wanting to lose to Hao now that you'd challenged him in front of your whole group. Crashing into your dorm around midnight, you work on your essay for another four hours before finally falling asleep. By 5:45 A.M., you're up and ready to walk through company doors at 6.

The day moves so slowly as you phone it in for every practice session and spend your lunch and dinner breaks alone in a practice room, thinking only about the choreography for the showcase number. You will never be able to listen to "How You Like That" the same way after this.

Finally, you reach your last practice session of the day at 8 P.M. and as you make your way to the studio room, you're surprised when you see Zhang Hao sitting in the hallway with his back against the wall.

Approaching the door, you look over at him. "What are you doing?"

He looks up at you and you can swear his eyes are watery. "Nothing."

"Are you crying?" You ask in a less than caring manner.

He looks away and sniffles. "Allergies."

"Did someone... say something?" You prompt reluctantly, knowing that it was a common occurrence for one or the both of you to end your days in tears from a nasty comment from your peers. "I don't know why you'd listen to them anyway. They're just jealous of you. Why wouldn't they be? You're better than them."

You're not really sure why you're offering even an attempt at words of comfort right now. Maybe it's because of your sleep deprivation. Maybe it's because his handsome face looks extra pathetic right now. Or maybe it's because you can't help but sympathize with him.

His wide eyes meet yours in a way you can't remember having seen before, but he doesn't say anything.

"I'd also be happy to say something even worse to take your mind off it?" You offer facetiously as you take into account his non-response.

He checks his watch suddenly and stands up, dusting himself off a bit as he grabs the door handle and pushes it open. "I think beating you should help just fine, actually."

~

Hao goes first, performing the center choreography and vocals for "How You Like That" to an audience of about fifty trainees that your teacher could muster up. Hardly the whole company, but you were surprised even that many of your peers wanted to watch either of you.

You can't help but notice that Zhang Hao seems a little distracted. Moves he would normally punch perfectly on an accented beat are lagging slightly and his expression is less than enthused. Nevertheless he does well and after he finishes, you hop up to take your turn. Fighting the exhaustion that is consuming your body, you battle to the best of your ability. Your voice has sounded extra good today, maybe because you hadn't let it cool down for over twenty-four hours. Hitting your final pose, you know you've out-performed Hao by at least a noticeable margin.

And from the look in his eyes, you know he knows it, too.

Your teacher stands up and calls for the vote. The trainees all hand in small slips of paper with either your name or Zhang Hao's on them and your teacher counts them quickly.

"Zhang Hao is the winner with... 43 votes," he says, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Huh."

You feel your cheeks start to heat up at the embarrassingly large defeat, swallowing the lump in your throat quickly. Your group practice session resumes without fanfare and you work on ironing out your original sub-vocal one and main rapper part for the rest of the hour, scurrying quickly from the practice studio and out company doors as fast as humanly possible.

~

You hit 'submit' on your essay at 11:37 P.M. exactly, just making the midnight deadline. Rubbing your eyes furiously, you start to get ready for a good night's sleep after a restless week of practice and schoolwork. Your toothbrush is in your mouth when a knock sounds on your door. Your roommates had gone out to drink tonight and said they wouldn't be back until early morning, so you wonder who the mysterious guest could be.

Spitting into the sink and wiping your mouth, you run to the door and open it cautiously to find Ricky, Zhang Hao's roommate, smiling politely back at you.

"Oh, hey (Y/N)... I think this got delivered to our room by mistake. I flipped it open quickly since there was no name on it and it's addressed to you, so I figured it just got mixed in with our mail by accident," Ricky explains, handing you a delicately folded piece of white paper.

"Oh," you say, turning it over in your hands. "Thanks, Ricky."

"No worries," he says with a nod, starting to walk away before adding, "Hey, uh, don't feel too bad about today either. Hao is really good, of course, but he only won by such a big margin because he bought everyone ramen for dinner tonight in exchange for their vote."

You can't help but laugh at the information you should've probably deduced for yourself. "Typical."

"If it makes you feel any better-- I'm upset about it, too. He used my credit card," the tall boy relays with a sigh, turning around and making his way back to his dorm.

You close the door to your room, sitting down on your bed and staring at the strange letter in your hands. You carefully open the folded piece of white paper and read the neat handwriting on the page:

"(Y/N),

Why are you like this? So perfect, I mean. You didn't practice the dance nearly as much as I did, but you were so much better. Why do you have to be a trainee at my company? Wouldn't it be better if we had both signed with different companies? Then maybe you wouldn't hate me so much. Then maybe I wouldn't have to pretend to hate you at all. Then maybe I wouldn't have been staring at you so much during practice today that I had my position as center questioned.

Ugh, this is so stupid. I don't know why my therapist told me to do this. So what if it's not healthy to have an "arch nemesis"? So what if it's even less healthy to have a crush on my so-called arch nemesis? What does she know?

I know I can't ever say any of this to you, but I just feel like you might be the one person who really gets me. How else would we be able to ruin each other's lives so effectively? Is it so wrong to want to turn things around? And it's not like we really have anyone else to talk to. I guess I just don't know how to tell you that I--..."

The letter ends there; a pen mark after the letter 'I' indicating the writer was pulled away from it in a hurry. It isn't signed, of course, but you know there's only one person who could've written it.

Jumping off of your bed, slipping on your shoes and racing down the hall, you knock on the door to his room. Ricky opens the door, smiling at first and then eyes widening in fear as he sees the look on your face.

"Is Hao there?" You ask frantically.

He shakes his head quickly. "No, he's still at the company, why--."

"Thanks," you say, starting down the hall as the blonde boy stares after you. "You should be running too, Ricky!"

"Why?" He asks, brows furrowing in confusion.

Opening the doors of your dorm building, you yell back over your shoulder, "Because Hao is going to kill you!"

~

Bursting through the company's doors at 12:06 A.M., you drop your phone in the basket in the hallway. A staff member greets you very cautiously.

"(Y/N), are you here to practice? All the individual rooms are currently in use," she says, looking at her watch to see what time it is.

"Great. Where's Zhang Hao?" You quietly demand, walking past her down the corridor to the individual practice rooms.

"Oh, um... Number three," she calls after you've already turned the corner. You're shaking slightly by the time you reach the door to practice room number three, entirely out of breath and sopping wet from running half a mile in the rain to get there in a fit of anxiety and rage.

You spot him now through the small window in the practice room door, perfecting some choreography for the investors' evaluation this weekend. His eyes are closed and his headphones are on as you prepare for a sneak attack, opening the door and stepping inside.

But Hao's eyes suddenly locking on yours through the mirror sends a panic through your system. You're breathing even harder than you were before as he turns around to face you. Taking off his headphones, he gives you a look of concern (or disgust) as he takes in your haggard state.

"What's--... What's wrong? Why are you all wet and gross?" He asks in a very Hao-like way, making it hard to believe he was really the one who wrote you some sort of quasi-love letter.

You stand there for a second, staring back at him as fear temporarily paralyzes you. What in the world are you thinking? What even is the goal of bringing this letter to him? To make fun of him? To break his heart?

... To make a confession of your own?

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" He asks then, his voice noticeably softening slightly. "Did someone... say something?"

You nod slowly, pulling out the folded letter from your hoodie pocket; now dampened from the rain.

"What's that?" Zhang Hao asks, brows furrowed as we walks up to you and snatches the paper out of your hand. He unfolds it quickly, the corner of it tearing off in the process.

You watch his face completely drop as he realizes what it is. If you were questioning it before, you now had no doubt that Hao had in fact written the letter. He stares at it silently, clearly unsure of what to do or say.

"Is it true?" You ask softly.

"Is what true? There's not even a signature on it," he denies half-heartedly, bottom lip finding its way between his teeth.

"Is it true?" You ask again. Did you want it to be true?

His eyes meet yours timidly now, as he seemingly finds himself unable to speak. He shakes his head slowly. Has he always been this cute?

"That's too bad," you concede, stepping backwards. "I might've considered it... All of it."

You raise your eyebrows expectantly, turning towards the door when you feel Zhang Hao's hand close around your wrist. You look at him, his cheeks flushed a perfect rose.

"This is so embarrassing," he squeaks out, looking anywhere but into your eyes.

You nod. "It really is."

"Well, you're the one who ran here in the rain at midnight to see me," he quips.

"Well, you're the one so hung up on me that your therapist made you write a fake letter to address your feelings," you rebuttal.

"Well, you're the one who--," Hao starts to argue, and before you're even fully aware of what you're about to do, you find yourself cutting him off with a kiss. When you pull back, his mouth hangs agape slightly in shock. "… Kissed me."

"Honestly, Hao, you are pretty cute, but you're so annoying when you talk," you explain.

He nods slowly. "And so are you... But you know what I still can't figure out?"

You raise an eyebrow at him curiously. "What?"

"How did you get this letter in the first place? It was in my r--..."

Zhang Hao's eyes narrow menacingly as realization hits him:

"Ricky."

[reidslovely]

Peter’s eyes are absolutely beautiful 😩😩 Have any frat boy peter headcannons? Maybe him trying to get the reader but she doesn’t like greek life (and him being a cocky asshole)

He has gorgeous puppy dog eyes I can't describe them any other way.

Frat boy peter is...mhm if you could see my face. he and I have a interesting relationship because greek life and I are not besties. But we can say Pete is the actual exception. I mean look at him

You met Peter in your elective sociology course because out of some type of spite your professor told you to look to your right and you'd see your partner for the whole semester. Any discussion board completed had to have both of your names on it, any project you had both would turn in together. Meaning it felt like you spent every waking moment with this geeky asshole. The first thing he did after your first class together was ask you out.

The absolute audacity of this man because what the fuck? You had traded maybe a total of five sentences to one another the whole class. He was cute, you had to give him that..till he opened his mouth.

"Do you want to like go out with me sometime?" "Like to work on our discussion posts? Or the project one like what do you mean Parker?" "No, no." He laughed throwing his head back holding the door to the lecture hall open for you. "Like I take you to a movie, or a bar or something and we get to know each other. A date, you ever been on one?"

How dare he assume you'd never been on a date? You'd been on several dates since getting to ESU, did you look like someone who never went on dates? For that sole reason you turned down his offer, and you didn't feel like listening to him talk about his dumb frat and whatever stupid four year degree he was completing. (He was probably a business major or something.)

However he was a very good sport about it, shockingly, most frat boys would throw a tantrum like a three year old in the you section of a Walmart but Pete was chill. He nodded and said he understood and when, not if, when you changed your mind the offer would stand. What a cocky asshole.

A few weeks later in the semester is when you finally get to know Peter Parker and not Peter the frat boy. He showed up to the library (30 minutes late) soaking wet and shivering. "Where's your jacket?"

"Harry took it, they're doing rush stuff in the rain he needed it more than me." He says shaking his hair out of the ball cap he was wearing, and what was hidden under the hair shocked you.

Peter's dark brown hair that was there in class Monday morning was now a (unevenly) bleached blonde. "What the fuck did you do to your hair." "I didn't do fucking shit to it." He said a laugh in his chest. "Fell asleep in the den woke up being told to rinse my hair out. The older guys got to me for prank week or whatever." "That's fucked up." "Mhm I put itching powder in their after shave and shampoo after don't worry about me pretty girl. I get even." He smirks. "This is why I hate greek life." "Mhm pays for college what can I say. I wouldn't be here without it." You hadn't considered that as the reason Peter joined greek life. You knew they got benefits but, Peter just fit the stereotype to well. "Really?" You asked. "I'm a poor kid from Queens babe, I missed my SATS and ACTs more than three times. It's a wonder they even accepted me into the biophysics department. Then I wanted to double major with biochem and I basically had to get on my knees and beg the frat to let me in and pay for my degree." He laughed looking at you, playfully tapping your arm. "Didn't hurt that my uncle was an alumni, so I'm a legacy." You stared at him like he had three heads, he seemed so real in that moment. Suddenly he wasn't the asshole you met on your first day assuming you'd want to date him, or he wasn't the jackass you saw playing basketball in the front yard of greek row with girls drooling on him. He seemed like everyone else you knew.

You also stared at him because his hair was distracting. Slamming the book shut you put it into your bag, and stood up. "Come on, blondie." His head snapped up at you, eyes squinting a smirk on his face. "Is this you picking up that date offer." "No this is me fixing your hair because this is an eye sore and I feel truly bad for you." You laughed putting his hat on his head pulling it over his eyes. You stood in the middle of your dorm room that night, clipping a pink princess peach towel around Peter's neck as your re-bleached his hair, and he typed up the last few parts of your first project. Having him explain his bad chemistry jokes to you, which he sneakily replied:

"The one spark I know is positive is between us" You rolled your eyes calling him a cheeseball. It seemed that moment on wherever you were Peter went or vice versa. You found yourself in the bio lab with him a lot, working on discussion posts or doing notes while he worked. You two enjoyed each others company, with no labels. You had taken him up on the offer and didn't even notice until you were walking out of the bar a couple blocks from campus, having gotten drinks with him and his frat friends. Who knew you by name before you even walked in. Peter held your hand as he walked you back towards your dorm, a cigarette in his mouth. "You tell your friends about me Parker?" "Yeah I do. I'm slowly indoctrinating you into the greek life." You rolled your eyes in response, nudging him playfully. He laughed blowing smoke out of the side of his mouth, putting his cigarette out on the brick wall. "But no, I told some of them about you the day we first met." "Really?" "Mhm I thought you were fascinating, I couldn't get a word out to you, you were so smart and pretty. Only thing I knew to do was to ask you out and you said no and I had to tell them the moment I thought I feel in love." He jokes. You stopped in your tracked staring up at him. "You are such a..just kiss me." Peter laughed grabbing your face, pulling you into a soft kiss. Hands stroking your cheeks, as you soaked in every second of the moment you can. "Still hate frat boys?" Peter teases. "Little bit..but you're the exception."

[vividiana]

Questions from Fanfic/Author Ask Game!!

5, 9, 13, 15, 23, 27, and 30!!!

thank you so much Emma, I love to yap about my writing 😭❤️ (the questions are from this post if anyone would like to participate!)

5. What’s something you learned while researching a fic? there is a bunch, from perfumery basics to knife-throwing techniques, but the most recent one was how to eat escargot and also why people smell wine corks before drinking 😅 (this was for a chapter of my post-canon fic where Eve and Astarion go to a very fancy restaurant)

9. How did you get into writing fanfiction? 'twas November of 2023. I was towards the end of my redeemed Durge playthrough, I got to the finale of Durge's personal quest, and I just thought that the dialogue with the companions afterwards (especially romanced Astarion) was kind of lackluster/anticlimactic. so I had an idea for a scene that took place when they got back to the Elfsong Tavern that night, and how Astarion finally broke and let down the facade and went on this rambling monologue for how utterly scared he was for Durge that night and how it all shook him up. that has become the first chapter of my first ever fic "the blood on my hands (scares me to death.)" I just wanted to give my Durge some more closure, and then I became obsessed with her and Astarion’s dynamic. and now here we are, 14 months and 100k words later, and I have a whole series written about them ❤️

13. Do you have an 'official' creative writing background such as a degree or previous experience publishing? not really. I went to a liberal arts school in the US, so I was able to take a bunch of different classes outside my major (sociology,) and I ended up taking two creative writing courses: an intro class and then a class on creative non-fiction. I also worked as a writing tutor for two years during college and helped people with their writing, but that was mostly essays and research papers. that’s the extent of my "official" writing experience.

15. Does anyone you know in real life know you write fanfiction? oh yes, I’m very vocal about it 😅 I’ve had a couple friends read my fics. also, my good friend beta reads everything and helps me brainstorm the stories. she has never played the game, but she’s an avid reader of fantasy romance books, so she is super on board. she’s the reason I decided to post my fics in the first place and she’s kept me going through high and lows (love you, Connie!)

also, my parents know about it 😅 I shared parts of my fics with them, but despite their interest, they couldn’t get through it because of the language barrier (I’m Polish.) they’re both very supportive, though, and keep asking me how it’s going. my dad says I should publish it and make some money off of it and I’ve tried to explain to him that that’s not how it works, but he is very insistent 😂

23. What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet? I would love to write a fic from Lae'zel's pov. after Astarion she’s my favorite bg3 character. but I feel like before I do that, I should play the game as her, just to get more insight on her character. I have no idea when that will happen because after 700 hours I can’t stand to start act 1 yet again. but it will happen one day!! 27. Are any of your stories inspired by personal experience? I’ve talked a bit about this in some previous asks, but basically a lot of what inspires my fluffy comfort post-canon fic are my past experiences in relationships—especially the disappointments and unmet needs and in general how I wish things had gone differently ❤️ I'm also a very anxious and overthinking person and I've poured a lot of that into Eve's character. 30. Have you noticed your style change over time? I have only been writing fic for a year or so, but when I compare my first fic to what I’m writing now, I feel like I have more of a grasp on Eve and Astarion’s voices and the dialogue comes to me more naturally. I also feel like I write shorter and more dynamic paragraphs and the writing is overall wittier and more dialogue-focused, though that might just be the change in subject—I mostly write post-canon fluff now and I started with act 3 angst, so as we have moved away from The Horrors, the tone shifted along with the story.

[lynzishell]

List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore 💙

Yay! I'm finally going through my asks, lookit me go! We'll start this week with the winner of the poll... The one and only ✨Dawn Stephens✨

💖She has a Sociology degree from Foxbury Institute. She did not graduate with a high GPA, in fact she barely passed. She’s very smart, but genuinely hates reading and studying. She is the type of person that likes to be up doing things all the time. She struggles to just sit quietly. If she’s going to sit for an extended period of time, then it’s usually to watch a movie or a favorite TV show (with someone else, never alone). Even then, she’ll likely be distracting you the whole time.

💖During college, Dawn dated a lot, and had a lot of relationships that were short lived and full of drama. To be honest, being so heavily neglected growing up had left her desperate for love and affection. Most of the guys she dated wanted to date around and have fun and enjoy their college years, but Dawn would become instantly attached and clingy which would drive them away. It took her a while to work through this phase in her life, to understand why she felt/acted the way she did, and what she really needed. Before meeting Phoenix, she hadn’t dated anyone in nearly a year and was finally in a good place. That coupled with the fact that Phoenix is a very present and attentive partner means we’ve never seen that needier side of Dawn.

💖The necklace that she wears everyday was a gift from her high school best friend, Claire. Feeling rebellious one weekend, the two of them hopped a bus to visit a mall (strictly forbidden, of course). Claire caught her eyeing the necklace and bought it for her. Unfortunately, Dawn was never able to wear the necklace because A – she wasn’t allowed to wear jewelry and B – she would’ve had to explain where she’d gotten it. When she and Atlas left, Claire stopped talking to her, just like everyone else, and they’ll likely never speak again. But wearing the necklace now is kind of a symbol of her freedom from that life.

💖She loves the process of getting her nails done but can’t stand them afterwards. Every once in a while, you’ll see her with long painted nails, but they never last long because she removes them after a few days. (fun fact: she has beautifully manicured nails when she gives birth to Aspen because I forgot to remove them from her swimwear after their Sulani vacation. I didn’t want to risk messing up the childbirth process by going into CAS to fix it… so let’s just say she had her nails done while in labor, cos why not?)

💖There is an intentional inconsistency in the story that I doubt anyone noticed, it’s such a small detail… In this scene, Dawn mentions having a dog growing up: “He was a miniature schnauzer named Snickerdoodle. [giggles] But I would call him DooDoo.” … But then later, in this scene, it’s stated that Atlas has never had a dog: “He’s not used to dogs. In fact, he’s never had a pet of any kind before, so he isn’t sure what to do.” These two grew up in the same home, so what's the deal? Who was Snickerdoodle? This was actually Claire’s dog, and Dawn was absolutely smitten by him and would pretend to herself that it was her dog. (And she did in fact get in trouble once for saying DooDoo.)

[herofics]

Extra fluffy start of uni comfort, with StSg

I officially started uni today and I’m exhausted. (I was in an open uni program in the spring but now I’m officially in the sociology degree program) Anyway, I wanted to do more of my good Geto au (summary: Geto never went rogue, saved Mimiko and Nanako and brought them to Jujutsu High, and he stayed together with reader and Gojo). I needed double the comfort so I wanted to write more of this AU. I’m so fucking anxious about the whole uni thing, and I need some reassurance I’m doing okay and doing the right thing for myself. This is set when they’re all in their early twenties and the reader is starting uni. Who could’ve guess I’d write about what’s going on in my own life. I started writing this a couple of days ago and wanted to post this yesterday, but I couldn’t finish it because I had to go to sleep. No warnings on this one, just pure fluff and comfort

Word count: 1,6k

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” you groaned as you paced back and forth in front of the couch.

“You need to stop stressing about this. You’ll be fine” Gojo sighed as he and Geto watched your pacing from the couch.

“Can you guarantee that? Can you absolutely promise me I won’t totally embarrass myself or do something idiotic that will make all my classmates hate me?” you exclaimed with an annoyed tone.

“Well no, but-” Gojo started but you cut him off.

“Yeah, so don’t tell me not to stress, that doesn’t help me at all” you snapped.

“Satoru doesn’t mean anything bad by it, he just sucks at wording things in a good way” Geto said, giving the other man a disapproving side eye.

“I know, I know. It’s just that I haven’t really studied in a long time, and I’m also nervous about not fitting in. I know I get along with people okay, but that doesn’t mean they’ll like me or that they want to be friends with me” you sighed as you sat down between the two men on the couch.

“Like Satoru said, you’re going to be fine. You’re of course allowed to stress about it, but don’t drive yourself insane thinking about all that could go wrong, because those things you’re worried about are not likely to happen” Geto said, squeezing your thigh comfortingly.

Gojo was nodding furiously in agreement with Geto.

“Thank you, Suguru” you said and kissed him on the cheek.

“Hey! Where’s my kiss?” Gojo complained in his usual dramatic manner.

“You need to earn it” Geto smirked, as he pulled you closer to him by your waist, and away from Gojo.

“I think that’s up to her, more than you” Gojo remarked as he leaned closer to you.

You knew these two idiots both had the ability to be very competitive and possessive, and while it usually didn’t cause problems, there were times when it definitely did.

“Guys?” you asked as Gojo was basically looming over you and Geto was holding you against himself by your waist.

“Yes love?” Geto asked, still looking Gojo in the eyes rather than turning his attention to you.

“I’m really not in the mood for this right now” you muttered and got up from the couch, heading for the bathroom while muttering something about needing a shower.

Gojo and Geto just looked at each other with surprised expressions, before sighing in unison. If you weren’t in the mood, that was totally fine, but they wanted to help you relieve stress in some way.

“I don’t think she even knows what she wants or needs, but she needs us to help her, that’s for sure” Gojo grumbled as he threw his head back over the backrest of the couch. “Got any ideas?”

“I’m gonna go take a shower with her, and you’re going to make us some dinner” Geto said as he got up from the couch.

“Why do you get to take a shower with her, and I have to make dinner?” Gojo whined.

“Because you’re the best cook out of all of us and you just took a shower in the morning”

“That’s fair… I guess…” Gojo muttered with a pout.

“Stop being a baby about it and go cook something” Geto said, before pressing a kiss on Gojo’s forehead and disappearing after you to the bathroom.

Gojo sighed deeply and made his way to the kitchen, starting to look through the cabinets for something to use. He quickly realized none of you had been to the store for a while, so he had to do that too.

“Damn it Suguru” Gojo muttered as he grabbed his wallet and walked out the door.

Meanwhile, you were standing under the warm water, wondering if you really even wanted to get out of bed for the start of school the next day. You heard the front door slam before the bathroom door opened and someone pulled aside the shower curtain, stepping into the shower with you. He placed his hands on your hips and kissed your neck from behind.

“Suguru…” you mumbled, but your voice was drowned out by the rushing water.

“Let me help you”

“Mmmm, where did Satoru go?” you asked as you turned around to face him.

“The store I assume, he agreed to make dinner” Geto explained, his hands still on your hips.

“Ah, well then… How do you want to help me?” you asked as your hand traveled up his abdomen and stopped on his chest.

“I’d like to wash your hair, I know that relaxes you” Geto smiled, before closing the distance between your lips and kissing you softly.

“Hmm I’ll agree to it, if you let me wash yours” you complied as he pulled back.

“Certainly” he smirked. “But you first”

You sighed, but agreed anyway. You wet your hair properly before standing in front of Geto with your back to him. He squeezed some shampoo into your hair and started massaging it in.

You had to admit, he was right, it was very relaxing to have someone else wash your hair. It was such a nice form of intimacy. You almost felt like your head was melting as Geto kept massaging your scalp, it was so damn nice.

“Mmmmm” you muttered, leaning back against Geto’s chest.

“You really do like this, huh” he murmured, looking down at you.

“Mmmhhmm” you nodded with your eyes closed.

Geto just chuckled. It wasn’t bad for him either, he enjoyed making you feel good.

After a couple more minutes of him washing your hair, he moved his hands away from your head and spun you around. You almost protested, but you knew it wouldn’t last forever, and you wanted to wash his hair before Gojo came back home anyway.

“Sit down on the shower stool, you’re too damn tall” you commanded with a smirk.

“Yes yes, I’m aware” he rolled his eyes playfully as he sat down.

You slathered your hands in shampoo and started washing his hair.

Geto closed his eyes and just enjoyed your touch. He knew you had been stressing about starting university for months, but now that it was so close your stress was very high. He really just wanted to help you relax and make sure you were able to manage your stress in a healthy way.

You were just humming one of your favorite songs as you washed Geto’s hair. His hair was longer than yours, had been for a couple of years now. It was like silk. You had always wondered how his hair was in such a good condition, but you never were able to figure it out and he never gave you a straight answer either.

“Thank you” you whispered into his ear as you finished washing his hair.

“For what?” Geto asked as he stood up.

“For helping me destress a bit. It was nice” you shrugged.

“No problem” Geto smiled.

You both rinsed out your hair and got out of the shower. Geto wrapped you in a big bath towel and wrapped one around his waist as well, after drying himself first. You both wrapped your hair in smaller towels too and went to put some clothes on.

“I’m baaaaack!” Gojo’s voice rang out through the apartment as he opened the front door.

“Hi” you peaked your head out of the bedroom and saw him carrying two bags of groceries to the kitchen.

“Hey doll, you look better” Gojo smiled and walked up to you.

“I feel better too” you smiled and pressed a kiss on his lips.

“Hah! I earned it” Gojo celebrated, blowing a raspberry at Geto, which made you laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, go make dinner you child” Geto rolled his eyes.

“I was gonna do that anyway, not because you told me to” Gojo said mockinly and marched into the kitchen.

“You want some help?” you asked as you followed behind him.

“Sure” Gojo smirked.

You and Gojo made food, while Geto sat by the kitchen table, sipping a can of cider. He just watched and smiled as you and Gojo kept arguing about which vegetables to use, only to end up using all of them. Geto couldn’t help but keep smiling as he watched the two of you. Gojo caught every discarded piece of carrot you threw at him and threw them right back at you.

“I think we should finish making the food instead of playing with it” you noted.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. You two get cranky when you’re hungry” Gojo motioned at you and Geto with his spatula.

“No I don’t!” you and Geto exclaimed in unison.

“See, cranky” Gojo smirked with such a self satisfactory expression it made you want to throw another piece of carrot at him.

You and Geto looked at each other and then both of you proceeded to roll your eyes at Gojo. Who gasped very dramatically in response, before swiftly turning back to his cooking with a sassy: “How dare you?”

“Aaaw Suguru, I think the baby’s upset” you said sarcastically.

“No I’m not” Gojo argued meekly, which was obviously an act for attention.

Of course this worked like a charm. Geto got up from the table with a sigh and walked up to Gojo, wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist. You also glued yourself to Gojo’s side, before you and Geto pressed a kiss on each of Gojo’s cheeks.

Gojo was basically purring with delight as he finished cooking. He was such an attention whore, but you and Geto definitely fed that side of him shamelessly and Gojo absolutely relished in that.

The three of you ate, talking about whatever and laughing together. You felt so much better and you were barely even thinking about the things you were stressing about earlier. It was a fun evening and you were definitely able to destress thanks to both of them.

[ckret2]

This isn't really an ask but I just wanted to say that one of the reasons I enjoy your writing so much is how you break everything down in a phsych-ie way. (Sorry that made no sense) but like you break down everyone's thought process so well and intricately, you have a reason why anyone did anything and it all makes sense ( if that makes any sense) but yeah keep doing what your doing and thank you for writing this amazing story

Thank you!!! Digging deep deep deep into how the characters think is so fun for me, I wanna know what makes them tick.

I took a billion psychology and sociology courses in high school & college (and courses on a bunch of other topics I thought would explain how people function—social anthropology, religion, philosophy), and I still read psychology books For Fun & For Writing Research, so like, this is a whole topic of fascination for me. Everything everyone does is influenced by a dozen factors ranging from life lessons they unconsciously absorbed when they were five to whether or not they've had breakfast yet. It's probably not a stretch to say that for every single line of dialogue I run through a mental process of "how does who they are impact what they're feeling, what they're thinking, how they speak?"

On any given line I could probably give you three paragraphs about what's going on underneath the surface. I love when people highlight random lines they like because it gives me an excuse to go "oh yeah all this is going on in there—"

[lino-jagiyaa]

forget me not - lee minho

genre: angst | pairing: minho × gender neutral reader I warnings: breakups, heartbreak, swearing, mentions of self-doubt & depression, lying, toxic communication & behavior, dishonesty, jealousy | masterlist | words: 5224 | do not repost or translate ©︎ lino-jagiyaa

song recs: good enough - xdinary heroes {i’m so sorry, this song is so sad but just trust me.} then a happier song to go with the ending | feel special - twice

taglist: @dadonbabysworld @lynanist @lix-ables @comet-falls @strayingawayy @alyszaen

note : so sorry it took me forever to finish this and that it ended up so long 😭 but don’t worry, there's a happy ending !! i tried my best to proofread all of it but if i missed something or missed a warning, pls lmk! ♡

💭 things between and minho didn't seem to work out. but maybe now you're starting to see things from his perspective

—

—

losing minho took a toll on you. most breakups would do that to anyone, but this one, this one was nothing like any breakup you’ve ever had. he was special to you. hell, you envisioned a future with him. moving in together, marriage, kids even.

but that all ended the day he decided to break your heart. he simply left and never looked back. or was there more to it? there had to be an explanation for his actions. he wouldn’t just leave without reason, would he?

all the questions racking your brain. it’s been six months. six months without him. six months of losing sleep over the emptiness and cold of his side of your bed. six months without speaking to him, only ever hearing how he’s doing through mutual friends and nothing more.

you felt as though you were losing your mind. obsessing over the possibilities of what could have been. what you could’ve missed. what were you missing? you blamed yourself, having no other explanation in your head. the only thing that stuck.

you couldn’t stop thinking back to that day. what he said to you, how he said it, how he pushed you away. sure, he was always a bit reserved. always had been since the day you met him. but that day, that day was so much different. he pushed you away and you couldn’t do anything to stop it or convince him to stay.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

“minho, please. please talk to me!”

“i can’t do this, i have to go.”

his face emotionless, trying to cover up the pain and guilt he was carrying. his back turned to you now as he grabbed his bag, and headed for the front door.

“is this it? are you breaking up with me?,” you reached out to grab his arm to make him face you

“don’t touch me.” he nudged you off of him

“min, please! is it something i did? i can’t lose you, just talk to me!” you pleaded

“this is what’s best for both of us. i’m sorry, y/n.”

he turned to you one more time before opening the front door, standing in the doorway for a few seconds before making his way back to his car.

“how could you!? you’re a coward you know, can’t even fucking face me and explain yourself,” you screamed, hot tears falling from your eyes and blurring your vision as you broke down. hearing the door finally click close. the whole thing felt painfully slow.

your friends would always sympathize with you, trying to assure you that everything is okay and that minho just had ‘things to sort out within himself’, but it just didn’t seem right. they were hiding something from you. they had to be.

so here you are, six months after the breakup, sitting in your sociology class waiting for it to end. you had to get to the bottom of this. find out what was really going on in minho’s head.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

“minho,” chan starts

“hm?”

“can i ask you something?”

“of course, hyung. what is it?” he questioned, “promise you won’t get mad, okay?”

“spit it out already,” he sighed

“do you miss y/n?”

“no.” minho looks away

“i don’t believe you.”

“you should, it’s the truth.” he huffed

“min, i see the way you look at them when they’re not looking. you must care about them a little, right?”

minho stayed silent. he didn’t want to be having this discussion right now, not at all really. he just didn’t want to think about the way he hurt you.

“don’t lie to me. you can still fix things, you know.” chan continues

“would you just stop it already!? i don’t want to talk about this anymore, chris. i can’t.”

tears started to swell in minho’s eyes. he wanted to fix things between the two of you, and he does. he just doesn’t know how. he doesn’t want to hurt you even more than he already has. but he knows that chan is right, he has to at least try.

“let me ask you this one question, then i’ll stop. i won’t bring them up to you after this, okay?”

“okay.”

“do you love them?”

“y- yes.”

“then fix it. make things right between the two of you.”

“i- i don’t know how… i can’t just come back into their life after six months of silence and hurt them all over again.” minho stammered, sniffling away his tears

“how about i set up a meeting for the two of you, yeah?” chan proposed

chan could see the nervous look on minho’s face now and decided to move closer to him, softly grabbing onto his shoulders, “how about i talk to y/n and set up a time and place for you to meet up and if you’re still anxious about the whole thing by the time i’m done, i’ll go with you. sound good?”

“having you there even just observing would be good, yes.” minho replied

“okay then, it’s settled. now i’m gonna go make the call and let you know the details, okay?”

“yeah.”

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

chan decided to text you first since he knew you still had class this hour and didn’t want to disturb you just in case you had your notifications on.

chan: hey, is your class almost over?

you: yeah. i’ve got like ten mins till.

chan: ok. can you call me like right after? i need to talk to you about something and i think it’ll be better to talk over the phone.

you: sure?

chan: thanks 👍🏼

after texting with chan you were…nervous to say the least. what was all of this about? ten minutes never felt so long. nonetheless, after the minutes passed and your last lecture of the day was over, you headed out of the room to call chan.

you: hey, you gonna tell me what’s going on?

chan: “well, good afternoon to you too.”

you: sorry, i’m just a little on edge at the moment.” you sigh

chan: i can tell. and i’m sorry to freak you out,” chan let out a nervous laugh, “but…it’s about minho. and before you hang up, i think the two of you need to sort some things out. the whole breakup is taking a toll on you both and i don’t know how long i can just sit back and watch the two of you wither away.” he stressed

you sighed before answering him, “okay.”

chan: “okay?”

you: “yes, that’s what i said. do you want me to meet up with him or not?”

chan: “y-yeah, that’d be great. thank you.”

you: "alright, text me the address and i’ll be on my way.”

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

after the two of you hung up, you quickly made your way to your apartment to drop off your school bag and get ready for your meet-up with minho. you took a shower and tried to find a decent outfit while you quickly dry your hair. soo after, you received a text from chan telling you the address. it wasn’t far from your apartment so you had enough time to finish getting ready and hopefully shake off any nerves you had on the walk there.

chan: levanter cafe. it’s the one 7 mins away from your apartment. no rush to get here, okay? take your time.

you took one more look at yourself through your hallway mirror before putting on your shoes and walking out the door. the walk to the cafe helped you clear your thoughts more. but it was a relief you were finally getting to clear things up with minho. a second chance to really see his point of view. to understand him better.

when you walked up to the cafe, you could see chan at the counter ordering a drink so you texted him that you had arrived.

you: hey, i’m here.

almost comically, chan started looking in all directions trying to spot you, until he finally saw you step through the door. he reached out an arm to hug you when you walked up to him, “hey, you still okay to do this?” he asked “yeah, don’t worry. it’s okay.” you smiled back at him before hugging him back. “alright, i’m just checking. you know i have to.” “i know channie. where is he?” you ask “at the table in the back. oh, and here’s your drink. i know you’ll need the caffeine. here’s minho’s as well.”

you took it from him and he waved you in the direction of minho. when you got to the table, minho was still looking down at his phone, not expecting you to have arrived yet, assuming chan had come back with their drinks. so you were the first to speak.

you took a seat in the chair right in front of him and set down his and your drinks before speaking. “hi…” you started softly, not wanting to startle him. it didn’t seem to work because once he heard your voice he jumped up in his seat a little bit, putting his phone on the table and straightening up his posture.

“y/n…hi, i wasn’t sure you’d come today.”

you laughed a bit. he was nervous and you could tell. maybe more than you now. “well, i wasn’t so sure i’d show up either. but it was time.” he nods in agreement. “how about i start?” you continue, “i know it’s been hard for you, is hard for you. and it has been for me as well. like really fucking hard and i missed you and life was just shitty for a while, you know?”

“y/n, i am so sorry. i didn’t mean to hurt you. i-i should’ve handled it correctly and told you how i was feeling instead of just leaving and avoiding you.” his head hung low now as he avoided your eyes. he felt like he couldn’t face you. he felt horrible.

“so how were you feeling? what happened to us?”

he looked up now, “it wasn’t your fault. you did nothing wrong, it was all me.” tears, starting to fill his eyes

“you left me. you left and i didn’t know what to do with myself for a long time. i couldn’t eat or sleep. my whole life fell to pieces. so tell me, tell me minho what made you want to do that.”

“i didn’t want to, i swear. i just- just couldn’t figure out what i was feeling. how i was feeling. i knew that i loved you- still love you and i want to be with you but… i was scared. i was scared, y/n because i had never felt so strongly for someone as much as i did for you and i just didn’t want to fuck it up and i ended up doing it anyways. i’m so sorry for hurting you and making you feel that way. i should’ve expressed how i was feeling to you and i should’ve handled it better. i want to fix my mistakes now.” he replied, eyelashes sticking together as his tears began to fall down his face. chan monitoring from a table close by.

“i understand. it’s good that you’re letting it out now, so thank you. i want to fix things between us too. but we can’t just rush it out. we have to take our time. but other than that, i agree. that i’ve never felt what i feel for you, for anyone else and i know that it’ll stay that way forever. even if you hurt me, even if the last words you said to me was awful. i forgive you minho. we can figure this out together if you’re willing” you say, now wiping your own tears.

“i would love that. can i walk you home tonight?”

“doesn’t sound half bad. we should probably finish our drinks first and invite chan back over here before he hurts himself, the way he’s craning his neck to hear us.” you laugh

“you’re right,” minho looked over to chan and motioned for him to come to your table

nearly stumbling out of his chair, chan managed to get up and walk over to the two of you. “so?…” he questioned

“we’ve got it somewhat worked out. definitely need some more time to figure out the rest but for the most part, we’re okay.” you smile

“thank god, i was starting to lose my mind trying to get you two to talk to each other again so i’m glad.”

“oh shut up!” you and minho both replied to chan

chan just laughed at you both. he could see that the two of you did want to be together and you just needed to figure things out slowly. “but i really hope you guys start communicating better, yeah?”

“we will, i promise.” minho replies, sure that it’s the truth this time.

“oh, and once we’re done with our drinks and everything, i’m going to walk y/n home so we can talk a little more.”

“alright, i’ll leave you two lovebirds to it. do you want me to pick you up after?”

minho looked at you for an answer and you were contemplating whether you actually wanted him to go home tonight. “i mean, we can talk about it on the way there? the spare bedroom is still up for grabs if you do want to stay the night, it won't bother me having you there. especially since i haven’t seen you in so long, plus you still have clothes there if you want a shower…”

“oh…yeah that would be nice, thank you.” minho trailed off, trying to distract from the blush growing on his cheeks, acknowledging chan was still there while you were mentioning him spending the night

“well then, i think that’s my cue to leave,” chan chuckled, “text me when you two get there okay?”

“okay, and thanks again… for everything,” you reply

“of course, have a good night you two.”

chan leaves and the two of you just sit there in silence for a bit before heading out yourselves after throwing away your empty cups and waving the baristas goodnight. the walk home seemed slower than usual tonight. like the two of you were too caught up in each other to notice how slowly you were walking. “y/n,” minho called to you, snapping you out of your thoughts. “yeah?”

“um… would it be okay if i took you on a date sometime tomorrow?”

“that would be nice, minho. yes.”

“great, great. we can plan for it together if you want. only since i’m not sure where i want to take you, only that i know i want to spend the day with you,” he laughed nervously, scratching the nape of his neck.

“sure thing. we can figure it out when we get inside so come on.” you say as you unlock and drag him through the front door of your apartment.

after settling in, the both of you had taken showers and changed into comfier clothes and decided to watch something together in your living room. the two of you sat in the comfortable silence of each other’s presence for a while before you decided to break the ice. “hey, min?”

“hm?” he turned to face you with the softest look on his face.

“oh, i just was wondering if you wanted to take the guest room tonight? it’s already set up. but you don't have to sleep in there tonight if you don’t want-”

“where do you want me to sleep tonight?” he said gently, turning his whole body to face you now and resting his hands in the space separating the two of you. it took you a second to respond to him. you wanted to make sure you said the right thing, not wanting to push him away or push any boundaries since the two of you had just started to reconnect only today.

“well, i’m not opposed to you sleeping in my room. o-only if you want to of course. it’s no pressure if you don’t. and-” you were babbling and waving your hand defensively, so minho gently grabbed onto both of them, holding them in his own to calm you down.

“y/n, it’s okay. i’m comfortable as long as you are, so wherever you’re the most comfortable with me sleeping tonight is where i’ll stay.” he gave you a soft smile to reassure you.

you were relieved, to say the least. your mind still racing on the fact that he’s sitting in front of you right now, holding your hands.

“do you just wanna call it a night and sleep now? i’ve noticed the way you’ve looked exhausted since we got home, it’s okay to get some rest.”

“of course you’d notice,” you laugh

“well that’s what happens when you’ve been in love with someone for so long. now come on, i’ll stay with you for a while then go to the guest room if you get sick of me,” minho laughed back, grabbing you by the arm and dragging you to your once shared room.

you felt your face heat up at his comment, yet you say nothing.

once the two of you were settled in, you both just sat on opposite sides of the bed facing towards your bedroom door, not sure if you should talk or just go to bed.

“well…i should probably try to go to sleep now. goodnight minho.” you blurt out and carefully roll onto your side, so as not to accidentally bump into minho.

“alright. sweet dreams, y/n. i’ll sleep in a bit. i’m not too tired yet.”

“that’s fine,” you say as you close your eyes

—

you had been asleep for an hour, maybe an hour and a half when you felt minho shifting on the bed. your back was facing him so you couldn’t see him at all but you noticed he was kind of tossing and turning. it was obvious he couldn’t fall asleep but you didn’t say anything or make it obvious at all that you were awake now.

minho huffed, now laying on his back and with his arms on top of the blanket you two shared. you kept your eyes closed, attempting to get back to sleep, hoping minho would finally be able to as well. but that wasn’t the case.

a few minutes goes by and you assumed minho had ust falle asleep since he hadn’t really moved in a while, but as soon as you had almost drifted back to sleep, minho leaned a little closer to your side of the bed.

“y/n, are you asleep?”

“hm?” you reply

“sorry to wake you, i just couldn’t fall asleep.”

you turn on your other side to face him, “no, no. it’s okay minho, what do you need?”

“um, if it’s okay with you, can we cuddle? if you’re not comfortable, it’s okay. i’ll just go for a walk or something to get tired.” minho says, looking away from you

“no, it’s too late to go for a walk,” you thought about it for a second before answering, “it’s okay. we can cuddle.” you gave him a reassuring smile

“a-are you sure? you don’t have to, it’s fine-”

“i know. i figure you haven’t been sleeping well lately either?”

“yeah.”

“well, we can fix that today then.” you tell him, scooting closer to him and moving his arms to frame your waist. nuzzling your face into his chest to get comfortable.

“goodnight minho.”

“goodnight.” you waited a bit to make sure he was actually asleep before drifting off yourself. you knew it was time once you felt his chest slowly rise and fall and his heartbeat matching the speed of yours.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

when you woke up, the sun was peeking through your curtains and you groaned. wanting to stretch and shield your eyes from what felt like blinding light shining in your face. but you couldn’t move much. you had almost forgotten that minho had stayed over last night when you looked up and say that he was still holding onto you but he seemed to be fully awake now, scrolling on his phone.

“good morning sleepy head,” he smirked

you groaned again before replying, “why are you up so early?”

“early? honey, it’s already 10 am. you’re lucky it’s already the weekend, otherwise you’d be late to class.”

you almost jumped out of bed after hearing him. “what!? minho, why did you let me sleep so late? weren’t we supposed to go out today?” you complained

“y/n, it’s fine,” he laughed at your concern, “ we hadn’t even made a solid plan about it yet, remember? you were sleepy so i was waiting till morning to bring it up again.”

you slump back down in the bed, now laying on your back and staring at the ceiling. “oh, that’s right. well then did you end up thinking of somewhere to go?”

minho put his phone down on his lap, “mm, at first i was thinking we could go for a walk in the park and then have a picnic there but then i was thinking about how you haven’t seen soonie, doongi, and dori in a while and that you probably miss them. would you like to see them today?”

“yeah, i do miss seeing them. but i also think going for a walk and a picnic is a good idea too,” you smile

“okay, then that’s what we’ll do.” he smiled back

“oh, don’t you have to go back to your place to change and everything?” you ask

“mhm. i’ll do that when you’re getting ready and once you’re done you can text me and i’ll be back to pick you up.”

“sounds good- wait…i still have you blocked…”

minho laughs, “i get it. at least you didn’t get a new number or delete my contact. so it’s fine.”

you awkwardly laugh and go to grab your phone so you could unblock him.

“check if you can text me now.”

he typed something short and a second later your phone pinged with his message. you also realized you had changed his contact name, but you weren’t going to let him know that part.

—

minho had called chan to let him know that he needed to be picked up and would be going back over to your place after showering and getting everything ready for your date. so once chan pulled up in your driveway, you walked with minho to your front door to wake goodbye to chan who was waiting in his car for him. once the two of them left, you went to go take your shower.

stepping out of the shower, you dried yourself off and went to search for an outfit. you wanted something casual since you were going to end up playing around with minho’s cats but you also wanted something cute since you were going on your first date with minho in forever. in the end, you had decided on a simple short-sleeved top that you could pair with a cardigan if the weather became more windy. and you were going to pair it with a pair of black corduroy pants.

looking at yourself in the mirror, you caught yourself smiling. you were so excited to finally be back in minho’s life and him in yours. and you could tell he was just as excited, considering the way he acted the night before and this morning.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

once you were done getting yourself ready, you wanted to bring something with you for the picnic so that minho wasn’t the only one showing up with food so you texted chan to see what minho was going to bring.

you: hey, chan? are you with minho rn? chan: yeah, something wrong? you: no, nothing is wrong. i was just wondering what minho was packing for our picnic date and didn’t want to ask him directly since i wanted what i’m bringing to be a surprise. chan: ah, i see. he’s still cooking right now but he said he was bringing ox bone soup and dumplings. he didn’t say anything about drinks so you could probably bring those? you: okay thank you. chan: yeah, no problem

---

with what chan had told you about the food minho was bringing, you decided to make some gimbap and go out to buy your and minho’s favorite drinks from the convenience store that was within walking distance from your apartment. after grabbing the drinks, you found some candy that you thought minho might want to share with you so you bought that and the drinks and headed back home to make the gimbap.

since you only had one thing to make, it didn’t take you very long so you packed the food and snacks up into bento boxes and wrapped them in a cloth so they would stay together on the way to the park. you made sure you had everything you needed in your bag before texting minho letting him know that you were ready for him to pick you up.

it didn’t take him long to pull into your driveway and once he did, you grabbed your things and made sure your door was locked.

“hey, you all set?” minho asks you with a smile as you open the passenger door “mhm,” you smile back “oh you brought food? you didn’t have to, i had made some as well.” “i know. i wanted to surprise you. but don’t worry, it’s something small and some drinks for us.” “ooh okay, well then we can head off now.”

—

the drive back to minho’s place was filled with the soft music that played on his radio and the comfortable silence you shared. you just stared out your window, lost in your own thoughts as you watched the city pass by.

“we’re here,” minho said as he pulled into his driveway

it felt kind of strange being back at his apartment after all this time but in the same moment, it felt good being able to be here and not feel that churning feeling in the pit of your stomach. you didn’t feel anxious or worried. everything right now feels good and happy.

as soon as minho opened the door, his cats came swarming at him but they stopped as soon as they noticed you were right behind him. you thought it was maybe because they had forgotten you or didn’t like you anymore, but that was far from the case.

the three of them looked so happy to see you again. all nudging against your ankles and meowing for your attention. so you crouched down to pet them properly and it seemed as though they were all fighting for your attention, now ignoring minho as he attempted to greet them some more.

you had somewhat forgotten that some animals' perception of time is frayed. a day can feel like a long time, never mind six months. but luckily, the sweet cats that you missed had remembered you and were visibly happy to see you.

after playing with them for what felt like hours, minho haad ordered dinner in for the two of you so you ate while watching a drama before calling it a night.

minho drove you home as the sun started setting. the drive back to your place felt so calm. the sound of the wind brushing past your ears and minho kept stealing glances at you every once in a while. once the two of you got back to your apartment, minho had insisted in walking you back to your door.

“our date today was perfect, hopefully you feel the same.” minho smiled

“mhm, i had so much fun. it was nice to go out again.” you reply, smiling ear to ear

“maybe i can take you on another date soon, if you’d like?” he asked

“i’d love that, minho”

he held onto your hands just like he had a few hours before, you were kind of glad that he was making all of the first moves. you were nervous to mess something up.

“y/n?”

“yes?”

“can i…kiss you?”

“i was wondering when you were going to ask. yes, minho.”

with that, he leaned in, planting the softest kiss to your lips. you missed this feeling. you missed this feeling with him. the butterflies growing in your stomach as minho gently placed a hand on your face. he smiling into the kiss, which was driving you crazy.

when the both of you pulled away, you could feel the redness forming on your face and see the way minho’s was the same. “you have no idea how much i missed doing that.” minho laughed

“oh, trust me. i do.”

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•

weeks had gone by since your first do over date with minho and the two of you were on great terms. since then, the two of yu had been going on weekly dates. and those weekly dates turned into dates two days a week. soon enough, the both of you were starting to consider yourselves a couple again. spending almost everyday with each other if possible. that meant walking each other to classes on school days, driving the other to work depending on who had earlier hours, and hanging out anytime in between.

everything between you was starting to come together again. and the two of you were sure this time that you’d make it work no matter what.

you gotta fight for what you love, right?

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

if you enjoyed my fic, please consider reblogging and leaving a comment! i'd love to hear your thoughts/feedback ♡

[werebutch]

i think your sociology prof is pointing out that one culture doesn't get to decide that their internal bias (eurocentrism, etc) is irrelevant if what another culture is doing is 'obviously' bad. which is a really important perspective to develop in the field of sociology. i think fgm is a very controversial example to use but it forces students to come up with deeper explanations for condemning it than to say 'this is awful'. for instance, the way you're pointing out that fgm automatically causes lifetime pain vs penile circ.

from experience these hot-topic challenges to reassess your perspective ease off a bit after lower-level courses. a lot of people get frustrated by these challenges (and they can 100% be poorly chosen, badly moderated and/or upsetting for students) but facing these is what brings out stronger sociologists.

i hope this is helpful at all. bon courage!

I totally agree with you that WAS what she was trying to do for sure i just think it was definitely a weird subject to point that out on HAHA. as a class that focuses on misogyny a lot of the time i expected more critical thinking about this pattern of thinking towards specifically fgm. My prof strikes me as the type of white person to be afraid to partake in any other culture besides her own for fear of cultural appropriation and i think that way of thinking is directly related to her angle of almost viewing non western cultural practices as untouchable.. which almost seems racist to me, why is it that you view misogyny in non western cultures as natural or inherent? You know ?! i cant explain the reason my brain is connecting the dots to this instance but it reminds me of the way (usually white) Americans treat indigenous Americans and their practices. Like otherworldly or magical and untouchable. ��. I could be wrong of course. And i cant really explain my reasoning for that one i wish i could articulate myself better LMFAO. Now that you mention it though the discussion about it WAS deeper for the whole class because of the stance my prof took in the first place.. so thats good ? I definitely dont think she did it on purpose but it was interesting lol 🫶

Hope this makes sense obviously i have my own biases to work on like everyone else but this is interesting to me^__^

[chaussur-blog]

Fuck you! (English translation)

So this is a comic that i made during the summer 21 (and thought out during the year before). So it's a lil old but i'm still very proud of it! I made it with watercolors, on paper of about 17cm x 17 cm.

The original is in French so if you understand it, you can find it: here.

There's the transcription of the text at the bottom of each page in case my handwriting is a lil hard to understand (original is paper, it was made more to be read like that)

Anyhow, enjoy!

Right that moment, i felt like dying

This meant, that some things had to change

Name change : Elliott

Delete these 28 contacts? yes / no

Reorientation : sociology - economy

Hi. I am non-binary. If you can’t respect that, please go to hell xoxo. Some people, 98 [redacted]

That’s why I am here !

University ♡

red hair / unconditional love for crop tops / emo 4 ever / uncertain gender expression / new in town / side-cut

Well. This year will at least be interesting

This precise second, my world exploded

I saw \*this girl - person\*

hair!! / nice smile / hypnotizing eyes / heck of a style/ real cool piercings

… and huge gay vibes

I needed a way, a pretext to talk to them, quickly

Fortunately, the universe wasn’t relying on my subtle flirting skills (& it’s fair)

Hi, do you know where the classroom is ? For orientation

I know where that is! I’ll show you. By the way, I’m Antoine.

Nice to meet you! I’m Elliott!

Little by little, we became pretty close

Coming!

A little too close

Fuck no

of course i wanna have sex with them but i really fucked up i want to have a romantic relationship with them too and this is not what they’re gonna think fuck

of course ; but not like that

solution 1 : talk about it (that’s the right one) / solution 2 : flee

yes ; i’m an asshole

What the hell?

Hi! I can’t be your sexfriend! Sorry (yesterday was fun tho)

Jerk.

Nothing matters anymore!

I am stupid

2 missed calls

Living in a world so cold, wasting away / Living in a shell with no soul, since you’ve gone away / Living in a world so cold, counting the days / Since you’ve gone away from me

Those were bad times.

Do not sit

I found shelter in books

and I, in a whole lot of things

Lectures were really awkward

But I wanted to explain.

Elliott!

Why are you talking to me?

I’m sorry. Can we talk ?

No, not really.

I really / screwed up.

Now is high time for my best coping mechanism

Hi! I’m Alice / I’m Leo! What do you do? / I study sociology and economy. / Could you explain inflation to me? Where do the money disappear to? / Let’s dance instead.

Sure!

Using strangers / Destroying myself

Bottoms-up

Elliott… / I haven’t seen you around, I’m worried about you

Talk to me.

Please let me give you my notes

Hi.

I'm sorry you have to see that, / Antoine

Okay. So you’re obviously feeling too bad for me to help you. But I’ll support you.

Everything will be alright. / There are several steps.

But firstly, do you see your current situation as a problem? / …Yes. / Are you ready,

To try to improve it? / Yes. / You’re sure? / Yes. I’m sick of living like this.

Neat! That was step 1

Thanks, Antoine

Step 2 is to clean your flat and keep it tidy enough

doing the dishes is better than piling them in your bathtub / air is great / changing your sheets, too / getting rid of the harmful stuff

Step 3: restructuring your days and getting rid of your bad habits

Every day: / hydrate eat (3 times) / go out at least once / rest, sleep / go to class & study

Every week: / plan meals / laundry / grocery shopping / do sport

uninstall Webtoons, Twitter and Instagram. / sober of self-harm (2 days) / quit alcohol and smoking / do sport / study, but not too much / journal

But Antoine was very clear: / We’re friends. We’ll see if we can be more when you get better.

There was one step left, last but not least: going to therapy

It took me time and energy. But it was worth it.

Thank you. / No problem, Elliott

Of course, I had some trouble

But Antoine helped me each time I asked him.

Sorry / Progress isn’t linear

That’s rich, prick

I feel much better, so I’m going to ask Antoine out. Well, that’s the plan

stressed out / black dye / attempt at a fancy outfit

Knock knock

Oh hi Elliott ! Looking very smart today!

Er…

Hi… Last time, we did not communicate very well. So I’d like to ask you properly, would you go on a date (with me)?

Of course, Eliott. / Glad to know that you are still interested.

and this date,

was the first of many,

and many other rendez-vous.

Thanks, the universe

***

If you're here i would really love for you to tell me that you read it / what you thought about it so please don't hesitate to! I hearing about it 🥰

And also you can find some more drawings of them on my Instagram: here.

But yeah, thank you, i send you much love, take care of yourself :)

[otakween]

I'm Standing on a Million Lives - Volume 15

I'm impressed that this series has made it this far. Literally no one talks about it, but there are much dumber things being published, so I guess it deserves its spot. It's definitely a mixed bag of highs and lows, but I'm mostly enjoying the ride. Still have no clue how many volumes there's going to be. No end in sight yet.

Ch. 70

Iu is goin badass mode and I'm loving it. Kinda giving Joan of Arc vibes.

The disconnect between Iu casually chopping off someone's fingers in one panel and then freaking out because she killed someone in the next was pretty wacky. Like...girl...what did you think was going to happen? Either way, I guess she got over the shock pretty quick because by the end of the chapter she's just slaughtering everyone lol.

It's kind of surprising that it took the characters this long to be worshipped for their immortality/resurrection ability. Then again, I guess living long isn't as rare in this world since there are sorcerers and dragon bishops and what not.

Ch. 71

This chapter was 100% fantasy politics. It was a struggle reading through all those silly made up names, but there were some interesting nuggets here and there.

We're jumping from one hot button to the next, first was human trafficking as seen in...many places, and next was attacks on journalistic freedom which the characters compare to recent events in Hong Kong.

I hope they give the new girl more to do than be a genki background character. She's on the cover after all! I will say her singing Immigrant Song was pretty hilarious. Certified Shrek moment.

It's kinda funny how this world/game uses community service as its goal. It's not like a twisted death game where you have to kill the other players you just have to...contribute to society lol. I guess that's what makes it interesting because the challenges take a lot more brain/strategy than a death game or RPG-style game might.

Ch. 72

Eh, this chapter was kinda messy. Overall I enjoyed it, but why did they have to bring in a damn awkward narrator every two seconds!? The mangaka does this occasionally and it drives me nuts. This story does not need a narrator and it definitely doesn't need one spelling out exactly what's going on to the reader! It took me out of the story every time. :(

I did like Iu's internal struggle and her analysis of the tricky spot she's been put in. As I've said before, this mangaka is skilled at explaining difficult concepts (politics, sociology, war strategy etc.)

Thank God they sent Glen to help Iu and not Yusuke. This way it's a child asking an adult for help and not a "dumb" woman needing a man. Also, Iu needed Glen because she's emotionally intelligent (unlike Yusuke) and was good at calming her down and validating her choice.

Ch. 73

Okay, I kinda struggled to stay awake reading this one, it was a pretty boring info dump about the politics of the area Yusuke's in and how neither side is great.

Changing someone's entire political trajectory with one song? What is this, an idol anime!? (That scene was stupid lol)

The concept of force feeding someone monster meat to turn them into a berserker is pretty chilling. Fantasy human trafficking is even more brutal than irl trafficking I guess.

I continue to really dislike the made up names of this world. In this chapter it was the Sotaga vs. the Faida. IDK why but they just don't sound like real names to me, my brain rejects them. (IDK what magic makes some made up names sound good and others sound like you threw Scrabble letters at the wall...)

Ch. 74

This chapter was all about berserkers and how they relate to all of the ongoing storylines. I find this kind of fantasy slavery pretty interesting. Instead of IRL slavery where slaves were/are used for work, they're transformed into mindless weapons. Very dark, but I could see this kind of exploitation happening if monsters were real.

Of course the main big bad, president dude is wearing a turban...as this whole arc is a thinly veiled reference to extremists in the middle east. (Just feels weird to make this fantasy world so similar to the real world).

Some pretty brutal kills in this chapter, especially Ling getting curb stomped. I do enjoy that most of the gore is stake-less so it can get extreme like that. (Well I say "gore" but the player character deaths are actually bloodless).

Damn, dat fanservice at the end there. Overall this series hasn't been that fanservicey so it feels a little weird when it's tossed in like that. The art was decent, so I ain't mad.

The over-the-top evil all around (including Yotsuya's sociopathy) is a little eye-roll worthy. Verging into cringey edgy territory a bit.

[shroomsnail]

ok prev post literally threw me back to 5 years ago when i took that sociology course, and im realising just how lucky i was to have been there at the right place and time bc that course seems to have been a once in a lifetime thing and i still think about it to this day. the main thing that stuck with me was the talk about botanical gardens and nature collections, their whole colonialistic origin and sustenance, the dark history of stealing natural resources and knowledge from natives worldwide, etc. a bit of a tangent now but every other day i go back to "what if i just worked in a natural museum / nature collection" and actually make it worthwhile at a biological and social level etcetctetc Yeah.

[sucktacular]

cw suggestive text (nothing graphic at all i dont even talk about anything to do with the use of adult toys its just the pure design/work environment ramblings) rambling about how i wish i graduated so i could go into the adult toy design industry maybe (doesnt know much about it but i have feelings)

okay first off idk too much about it cuz i was too busy being "normal" about my degree, but i think its SO BULLSHIT that theres an ENTIRE stream of industrial design we NEVER EVER touch on DESPITE IT BEING GREATLY BASED ON ERGONOMICS AND SKIN SAFE and also a stream that focusing on environmentally friendly practices would be so beneficial cuz theres so much "one and done" and disposable products in adult toys that make it so... BLEH. it has so much room to improve!!

anyway so i dont really know too much and its a bit of hopeful dreaming but ALSO its so funny cuz through learning to sketch technical drawings and the whole lot i always joked to myself and my close friends like "haha what if i made adult toys lmao" BUT NO WAIT ITS NOT A JOKE WHAT IF I DID!!!!

idk the work environment, and im sure its pure dog shit for small companies that just make whatever crap they can (not shitting on small companies just the ones that want to make products to make money and not to do anything innovative) but like i gotta think working for like funfactory or someone would be cool??

anyway i think maybe thats a field i would love to explore if i ever do consider getting back into finishing my degree (which i was only maybe 2 years from finishing - 1.5 years from graduating and another half a year cuz i didnt have the energy to do any of the side courses that didnt have anything to do with the degree but were like... mandatory compulsory courses? if thats the right word? like taking a science or humanities class or whatever that isnt taught by the main staff of the program. those courses ARE thankfully chosen well for the program - like design history and sociology and technical mathematics and shit but like... man i didnt have time for it ontop of the very heavy course load

uhm so yeah... lil tid bit about me is im very interested in adult toys and i love seeing new things and new designs and new options for people!! I think even if I wasn't sdoing anything new and innovative, at the very least if i was working with an environmentally conscious company that also really wanted to make products that people would have for years I would reallllly enjoy it.

i took my adderall today after a hot second of not taking it so thoughts are spilling out of my head and i weeded some of the garden and backyard till i was sweaty and just done with it for today ANYWAY uhm

yeah i have a lot of thoughts

[tismcosmology]

My grades are all officially in finally!! and so, an end of term review of my classes, how I did, what I did well, and what I need to improve on for next term.

MATH - Calculus 1

Final Grade: 67

worst class overall by quite a bit, but honestly? im really happy with how I did. I went into this course extremely unprepared bc i never took high school calc, just a college level course that did not cover everything I needed, and spent the whole term playing catchup.

Need to get more in the habit of doing practice questions daily, and not just a few days before the quizzes. Also. making a note to not trust a thing the TAs say and just read the syllabus (looking at the TA that told me there were no more online weekly assignments and i didnt find out he was wrong until the last month)

CS - Intro to Python

Final Grade: 86 !!

I forgot how much I enjoyed coding. Almost sad I dont have another CS class until next year (almost). Im very happy with how I did, and I think the main thing that brought down my grade were the assignments I missed, which shouldnt be as much of an issue now that I have accommodations. I think I had a good time management schedule and started the assignments early (mainly bc they were more fun to do than math or phys)

PHYS - Mechanics

Final Grade: 81

After the mess that was the second midterm im just glad I did well on the final. Not much to say about this other than im glad its over holy hell. I enjoyed it but oh my god.

Need to make sure I continue starting the practice questions basically as soon as theyre out/covered in class, and i want to start reading the textbook before lectures (which i can actually do now that i dont have morning classes every day!). Making a note to go to office hours more this term (as long as theyre not directly over another one of my classes again) and finding more study buddies to drag into our ever growing group

PHYS - Mechanics Lab

Final Grade: 79

Overall? Meh. The lab itself was fun, I enjoyed the act of doing experiments and recording them, my groupmates were fantastic, but the goddamn time crunch was horrendus. I was so stressed the entire time about finishing lab notes on time that I barely absorbed anything. I was firmly placed in charge of data collection and so I havent the slightest clue how to plot data in excel or use the statistical formulas we were taught, but goddamn can i operate a motion sensor.

For future terms, i Need to get better at understanding the pre and post labs and actually understanding what we're doing before going in, and not in the last 15 minutes

ENGL - Communications

Final Grade: 82

I enjoyed this class a lot, my prof was fantastic and my groupmates for the final project were also amazing. Has only made me reconsider my profession slightly. But the interest in sociology of science and fixing the academic system is real

Time management kinda sucked here ngl, I think because it was lower on my priority list and so got done last. There was a 5% assignment due last day of class I completely just forgot to do, and a few weekly worksheets I didnt finish. Thankfully I dont have any more communication classes but I need to keep that in mind for future non-stem electives I take that writing things is in fact time consuming

FR - Intermediate French

Final Grade: 81

Honestly? Suprised I did this well. I was bombing the in person tests but acing the assignments and I think thats mostly because of spelling. My oral and listening assignments I did well on. Idk if im going to continue in another year, I really just want my DELF status. As long as I can pass a B2 exam i could care less

Overall Average: 79 !

Im. super happy with how I did tbh. calc defiently brought my average down but I passed !!!!!!🎉🎉🎉 looking foward to next term starting monday :)))

[seekingsanta]

I took my general courses at community college and one of my classes was sociology. I liked it very much though it was disturbing when the professor spoke of the wild girl whose terrible father kept her trapped in a room for over a decade. I can’t forget that for some reason.

He spoke one day about humans being creatures of habit, for instance, everyone in the class had been sitting in the exact same seat all semester but they weren’t ever assigned. And then it looked at me and pointed, “except for you.” I was throwing off the whole class by simply sitting in different people’s desks every class. I hadn’t even noticed at all. I mean I knew I liked to sit in different places. How else will I find where I’d like best?

I’m not sure why I’ve thought of that every once in a while. It’s silly but maybe because someone saw I’m different and made it known but not in a threatening kind of way. I felt special. Does everyone wish to be unique?

You’re never trying too hard when you’re trying to learn. To truly learn anything is a tedious and the only reward is years later when you read something , you actually understand what is being said on a whole other degree. Not that you agree with everyone you read yet it touches your soul nonetheless. It lifts you up on a cloud for a few moments to give you a different view.

[amandadoylewriting]

A Sinner in Sociology Class

There I was, just sitting there, when what I wanted to do was forbidden. Kissing boys had always been tempting, but girls? Man, that was a whole different ball game. Girls were prettier, had (probably) softer lips, and some sort of sensitivity that was just... different.

My whole life, my parents told me that I needed to find a good husband. As a pastor's daughter, I have always felt immense pressure to follow the rules. I don't know anyone in my family that's gay, and there's only one queer couple in this whole town. My parents don't like them because they don't go to our church, and they don't go to our church because my parents don't like them, so it's a lose-lose situation.

I may be young, but I'm not stupid. My parents try to hide everything from me, but they can't hide the most obvious fact – they are not the kindest people. I don't want to say that they're mean, but they're not nice. It's all a big act and this whole family keeps secrets. Another secret? I was pretty sure I was totally, one hundred percent, without a doubt, gay as hell.

I had kissed boys before, and one time I let Tommy Stewart touch my boobs over my shirt. But now that I was turning 19 and starting to mature a little bit more, I was finally realizing that I had never felt anything when I kissed boys, or even really talked to boys in that way. However, I'd always thought that girls were pretty. When I turned 16, my best friend's cousin took us to this club, but for teens. They played appropriate music, served non-alcoholic cocktails, and "kept an eye" on what was going on on the dancefloor. Yes, it was organized by the church, surprise surprise.

I'd never been there before, and that night, I saw her. Joy, from the rock band – that's what I knew her as. The club had a live band that night, and the girl that played the drums was named Joy. I never learned anything more about her than her name and that she was a percussionist, but that didn't stop my imagination from turning her into my first real girl crush. For at least a year, I thought about Joy every night, and I'd never even talked to her. I wondered what her voice sounded like, what her favourite foods were, what deep secrets she kept, and most importantly, if I'd ever see her again. Of course, I never did see her again, even though I went back to that teen club many times. Someone who worked behind the bar eventually told me that they were pretty sure Joy's band was from out of town.

After Joy, I looked at girls a little differently. And now for the first time, I was sitting in front of a beautiful woman who actually seemed to want to kiss me too. Maybe... I could be reading the signs totally wrong. But, if I had to bet money on it, I'd say that she totally wanted to make out. Don't tell my parents I said that.

Lillian was a year older than me, but she was a Sagittarius, so she was always down for an adventure. I had learned that about her on the first day of class, when she randomly told me about the one day in her life when she learned that she could never be still again. And that day was the day that Lillian learned to drive. The road was open, endless, limitless – there was always somewhere new to go. If you could drive, you weren't trapped anywhere. So on December 13th of the year she turned 16, her dad took her out driving for the first time. And from that point on, any plans of settling down were gone. She repeatedly told me that the road was her home, but she couldn't lie about how much she loved the hiking trails in this town.

She wasn't from here, and I was. So on the first Monday of sociology class, when she sat beside me for the third time in a row and mentioned how she was desperately seeking out a place to go hiking, I asked if she wanted to go with me. I explained that I was from here, and I knew all the best secret trails. I could even take her to the trail that goes along the river, which most people didn't know about because the entrance is on church property. Lillian's eyes went wide and she accepted my invitation. Two weeks later, we were hiking regularly. We would park at the church and walk through the property, past the graveyard, all the way to the back. There sat a semi-hidden gate that no one seemed to know about. It led to the trail, and this trail went through a gorgeous forest and along the Franklin river. It had the best view of the sunset in town, and no one knew about it. Lilllian confirmed that I did, in fact, know the best secret trails.

But the thing was that Lillian was never planning on staying. Like I said, her home was the road. So even though she was taking this university class, she wasn't actually enrolled at the school. She was just in town because her grandfather was a professor and she could take free classes. I didn't know if she kept coming back to sociology class because of the topic or because of me, but I hoped it was because of me. I knew that anything that happened with Lillian wasn't permanent, and could never be. But I hoped that she would at least stay for a little while. Would it be selfish to say long enough to kiss me?

As I stared at the chewed-on pencil sitting on the table between us, Lillian stared at me. She had told me that she had a bad habit of chewing on things when she was nervous, and I wondered what had made her nervous. Then I finally looked up at her and met her eyes. Those beautiful, deep, intense eyes that had probably seen so many things in just 20 years of life. And then I couldn't stop myself from gazing at her lips, which looked like they had been freshly glossed with what was probably strawberry, because that was her favourite. I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and it seemed to be orange spray paint on the bottom of her shirt. Did Lillian go spray painting at some point recently? Was that something she did regularly? I wondered what it would be like to spray paint something. I knew it wasn't a big dream, but when your father is the highest religious authority in town, spray painting seems like a little bit more of a risk. God doesn't like sinners, and my father didn't like anyone that didn't follow the rules.

That's why I'll never understand what I did next. I just did it. I leaned over the table and kissed her. It was sudden, it was unexpected, and it was magical. I felt her hand come to my cheek as she kissed me back, and just like I had thought, she had softer lips than any boy I'd ever kissed before. At that point, I knew that I was no longer interested in doing research at the library.