#i told myself i wasn't gonna do this until december but i was looking at his thread tracker and it made me sad HAHA | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jo-harrington · 5 months ago

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Stranger Than (Fan)Fiction - Chapter 4: Reader Suggestions

Previous Chapter: Lore Dump

Summary: Things start to get a little strange when The Writer hits the dreaded Writer's Block and looks for some inspiration.

Word Count: 4.9k

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!Reader

Warnings/Themes: No-Upside-Down AU, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Chaos, SMUT?, Cockblocking?, Isekai, Mentions of FOI-compliant events and characters, Various References to Movies and Television, Probably a little more lore (just assume that theres gonna be bits of lore everywhere), Criticism of Fanfiction, Analysis of Fanfiction/Fandom, Meta Fiction

Note: This is more of a "filler episode" to establish some of the rules of Eddie and Reader's predicament than anything specifically plot-driven, until the end. You could say that I myself felt a little bit of Writer's Block...not necessarily because I couldn't get anything onto a page but that it wasn't happening for this story in particular. (Coincidental that it happened at this specific chapter. Almost like I planned it that way. Maybe I did.)

So please forgive me if anything feels a little rusty; I'm getting back on this bicycle after a few months of letting it sit in the garage. But I'm happy I get to take it for a spin again. We're in it for the Tour de France now lads! Or we die trying.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

You know, in a previous life, if someone told you that you'd be laughing in the face of a bloodthirsty, murderous vampire, you would probably think it was impossible.

That was, unfortunately, the reality you lived in right now.

Red, veiny, monstrous eyes. Sharp fangs. Hissing and roaring.

And you just snickering like an idiot with a death wish.

Probably because you knew it wasn't actually a death wish.

Your arrival in Mystic Falls was an interesting and exciting one. Mainly because of how normal it was.

It was a small town and everyone seemed friendly enough and you were truly ready for it to be a break in the action. Despite it being another so-called "modern" or "futuristic" setting.

Futuristic to you, at least. Still a bit stuck in your 1985 mindset, 2009 seemed beyond your imagination. More than the 90s had been, or 2004. Still not as bad as when one of the Writers shoved you onto the USS Enterprise so you could woo Bones McCoy. And certainly not 100 Trillion years in the future, at the end of the Universe with The Doctor.

Still, you were happy for a change of pace. So you chugged into town with your trusty Beetle like you usually did, until you made it to the large house on Maple Street that was the new residence of your supposed "college best friend," Jenna Sommers.

You liked Jenna, actually. She was sweet and funny and hated the hoity-toity elites of the town's Founding Families. She dragged you to all the Historical Society events just to have an ally, and those nights were always a hoot. You'd gossip about the mayor's affair with so-and-so, drink free booze til you saw double, and stuff your tiny handbags with their expensive hors d'oeuvres.

After years of traveling through various universes, and over analyzing your friendships back in Port Geneva, she was a breath of fresh air and someone you truly cherished.

She also set you up with her boyfriend's best frenemy--her words, not yours--Damon Salvatore.

And he seemed fine.

Great, actually.

A normal, sarcastically funny, suave, handsome sort of guy who took you out a few times and always behaved like a gentleman, and kissed better than anyone you'd ever kissed before.

Until this very moment, where the penny dropped, and he roared in your face with his fangs.

And you just laughed in his.

Because of course he was a vampire.

Of course you couldn't have a nice, normal thing.

Once.

Ever.

December 1985

If Eddie thought his life had been out of control before, it was safe to say that the moment he realized that it was being controlled by some Writer in another universe, it only got worse.

For a few days, there had been a break in the madness.

Well, there were some things that still fucked with Eddie's head.

Some of the posters on his walls were for bands he didn't like, his collection of exclusively DC comics became an array of Marvel titles, and his stash of porn...needless to say it was full of shit he'd never even thought about before.

He still jerked off to it, though. What else was he gonna do? Not jerk off?

But there were no out-of-body feelings, no wacky spectacles in class, no unexpected emergencies. The trailer even stayed clean for a whole week; it was a godsend.

"Does that mean it's all over?" Eddie asked when you'd arrived at his trailer for a night in.

"Unfortunately not," you sighed. "I don't know the ins and outs of it. Sometimes the story proceeds as planned. Sometimes you get long stretches of time where nothing happens. You've heard of Writer's Block? Maybe they're having trouble trying to figure out what's next for us."

"Why don't they just give up?" he huffed. "Leave us alone."

"Would you give up if you were trying to figure out some complicated plot for Hellfire?"

"Yeah, but that's different. It's just DnD. These are our lives that this asshole is playing with."

"And what if, somewhere, Agrithor the Invincible is real and getting mad because Jeff rolled a Nat 1 on a medicine check and now he has dysentery."

Eddie didn't know if he was cranky because you were right, or a little more in love with you because you had been listening to him rant about Hellfire.

"It's a learning curve," you continued. "It gets weird when you start to think of your life like a story someone is writing, waiting for the next thing to happen. Trust me. I learned that the hard way."

"So what should I do? Just go with the flow?"

"You need to, otherwise you start second guessing what's real and what isn't with everything."

"Hmmm..." He tilted his head from side to side considering your words. What's real and what isn't. A loaded statement in this predicament the two of you found yourselves in.

"So let's just enjoy our night in," you said with finality. "What's the plan? Fraggle Rock and fooling around?" You glanced around him to the setup on the coffee table. VHS tapes and cans of soda and a bowl of popcorn.

Eddie felt his cheeks getting hot with embarrassment.

"Speaking of what's real...I, uh, thought it might be fun for us to watch a few episodes of Port Geneva?"

You looked at him like he'd grown a second head; your brows raised in question, mouth dropping open in shock.

"I just...have some questions about things that didn't really make sense," he was quick to explain. "Continuity errors. Who better to ask than someone who was there?"

It took a second, but you broke down into laughter and you threw your hands up in defeat.

"You know what, as long as you order us pizza too, fuck it. Fine! Let's see what all the commotion is about."

That had been the last truly fun night for a little while--

His tapes were paused more than they played because you kept getting up to rant about scenes you disagreed with, or stories that the producers of the show simply got wrong, or key scenes that had been cut altogether.

Every time you'd get up and shout and talk with your hands and point at him to get him to understand...he loved you more and more...

--and Eddie felt bad for not taking advantage of the normalcy for as long as he could.

Because things started getting weird.

First Christmas had come, and it had been a joy.

Munson Christmases were simple affairs. More of a day for hearty food and relaxation than for any traditions or celebrations. You'd of course joined in, along with Granny Ecker, who lamented over Ronnie not being able to come home for the holiday.

Both Granny and Wayne had conspired to get you and Eddie under the mistletoe though, and had ooh'd and ahh'd when your lips met several times over the course of the night.

But Eddie looked forward to New Year's a little more than Christmas; he and the guys typically shot fireworks at the quarry and TP'd all of the jocks' houses in the middle of the night. You'd had similar New Years celebrations with your friends back in Port Geneva, so he figured it would be a treat for you to join them.

Except New Year's Eve never came.

On what was supposed to be the 31st, Eddie slept in, anticipating he'd be up all night with you and the guys. He got his backpack ready with supplies and walked out of his bedroom, only to find Wayne in the kitchen cooking.

"Did we have plans I forgot about?" he asked his uncle.

Wayne crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at him.

"You getting sick, kid?" he asked. "Don't know how you could forget about Christmas."

Christmas?!

"But it's," Eddie scoffed, "it's New Years' Eve."

Wayne opened his mouth to respond when there was a knock at the door, and after a beat, you walked in with several grocery bags in hand.

"Hey guys," you greeted cheerfully. "Merry Christmas!"

Wayne repeated the sentiment and motioned for Eddie to go and help you.

"M-Merry, uh, Christmas sweetheart," he said with heavy sarcasm as he reached your side. You shot Eddie a very pointed stare. "What's going on?"

"Just go with the flow," you muttered to him, leaving no time for explanation before you and Wayne started chatting.

So that's exactly what he did.

And truly, there wasn't anything wrong about having a second Christmas.

You'd baked cookies and he'd helped you decorate them; you kissed icing off the tip of his nose and then he'd serenaded you and Wayne with carols on his guitar while It's a Wonderful Life played in the background. He honestly had so much fun, all of his complaints and questions got put to the wayside

It was the fact that the following day brought yet another Christmas.

"Alright," he demanded when you'd arrived to make popcorn garlands with him. "What the hell is going on?"

"A time loop." You explained. "A request loop, actually. The Writer must have asked for Holiday-themed requests from their readers to get themselves out of their slump. Not the first time I've been through this."

"And everyone chose Christmas?" he scoffed. "Damn, these people are boring. Halloween is the best holiday, obviously!"

"Obviously," you laughed.

"Or April Fool's Day!"

"It must be December in their world too." You cupped his face in your hands. "Listen, request loops suck and they're boring. But trust me, you got lucky that it's just holidays. It could be worse."

So of course it got worse.

Because Eddie Munson could never get so lucky as fate taking it easy on him.

The requests didn't stop with Holidays--although, it had been a nauseating gauntlet of Christmases and Thanksgivings, with one Valentine's Day and a 4th of July thrown in for good measure--they extended to other things too.

Eddie had woken up one morning with the word "faucet" stuck in his head.

No rhyme or reason.

Just "faucet."

He suspected that The Writer had something to do with it, especially as he felt a strange anticipation to interject the word into conversation at some point in the day. Like he was compelled to say it in every sentence and every conversation, but none of them felt right.

Only when Dave had gone to get a drink from the water fountain and had stuck his entire mouth on the spigot did Eddie get any relief.

"Fuck Dave, you don't know how many germs are on that faucet?" he practically gasped as the weight on his chest and his mind finally alleviated.

It happened again a few days later. An insatiable need to talk about "root beer floats" all throughout the day, until the evening when he picked you up for a date.

It had been a great date, sure, but he hated root beer.

Finally, it was the word "alluring." Not one that was usually a part of his vocabulary, but this Writer seemed to want to teach Eddie a lesson by using some fancy word.

This time, the key word was said to you during a steamy make out session on your couch. Eddie's lips traveled down the column of your throat, sucking at your pulse, and he told you how alluring you were. Your moan was delicious, and no matter how true the statement was or how much he wanted to continue, he simply couldn't find the desire to.

The moment felt tainted. All of them did. No matter how funny or sweet or hot they were; the knowledge that he was just a puppet on the Writer's strings was a sour feeling and he just couldn't shake it.

You held him in your arms as he lamented about the lack of control he felt.

"I'm sorry," you whispered into his hair as you rubbed soothing circles over his back and shoulders. "I wish I could make it better. I wish I could make it all go away."

Eddie was just so overcome with emotions and feeling so unlike himself that he asked, "what if you could?"

You paused your movements and strained to look at him, confused.

"What...what do you mean?"

"I don't..." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know what I mean."

Yes he did.

The thoughts had begun to form the moment the words exited his mouth, until they were a tempest swirling in his mind.

"Ok," you simply dismissed, and then continued your attentions.

"Actually," he couldn't stop himself then. He pushed himself away from you and stared directly into your eyes. "I...this all started because you came to Hawkins. So maybe...maybe if you tried to leave."

He immediately saw the heartbreak in your eyes, and he knew he fucked up.

"Do you want me to leave?" you questioned softly.

Everything inside of him screamed no. Of course he didn't want you to leave. In fact, he wanted the opposite of that; he wanted you to stay with him forever. He'd been willing to sell his soul to the devil just for the chance to have you, have someone who understood him the way you did.

He was just...so...tired.

So tired in that moment, he could only focus on his own desperation. His own feelings. He hadn't even thought to consider yours.

"I just...have you ever tried to leave?" he wondered. "You said you get in your car and you come to all of these worlds; that's how you travel into these stories. Have you ever tried to get back into your car and leave? Back to Port Geneva?"

"I don't," you shook your head rapidly, hands held up in front of your face as though you were trying to manifest a physical version of the idea just so you could conceptualize it. "I don't even know how I could. Or where I would go? How to get there?"

"You said that there were times when you got to go back."

"But I'd just end up there," you explained. "I've never decided on my own that it was time to go. I don't have a map."

"Maybe that'd be the end of it all," Eddie grabbed your hands in his. "That's the key to breaking the cycle. If you decided that you wanted to leave, if you tried to go home, the Writer would be compelled to give up and our lives could both go back to normal."

Your eyes darted between his, and you calmly repeated the question, "Eddie do you want me to leave?"

He hesitated so you continued.

"You said we were in this together. You said you'd help keep me grounded and I would do the same for you." You took a deep breath and repeated yourself for a third time. "Do you want me to leave?"

It was an eternity of waiting before he finally answered.

"No, of course not." You pulled your gaze away from his, your face crumpling in a way that made his heart ache. "I just figured...it was just an idea. And it couldn't hurt to try."

He tried to talk, tried to explain himself, and went on rambling for minutes on end. He even stood up and started pacing, hands running through his hair anxiously.

He cursed the Writer for doing this to you, cursed the Writer's Block for putting the two of you in this kind of a position in the first place. Cursed the Gods and Devils for making such an inescapable Hell in the first place.

He hoped the more he talked the more you'd see his frustration, his side of things.

Or at the very least, you'd try to fight him. Yell at him. Tell him he was wrong.

But you just nodded along, refusing to look at him.

It's a learning curve, you'd told him.

Because you'd been through this a million times before, lived this nightmarish life that he was now getting to experience for the first time. Shit, you'd even loved people before you'd come here and started having feelings for him.

Loved and lost and left. Whether you wanted to or not.

He thought he'd understood that. You had thought that he thought he'd understood.

But maybe he didn't. If he thought that getting you to go was the magic solution.

He realized, in that second that he stared at you and you stared at the floor, that this life wasn't the only learning curve for him.

And he wasn't the only one with something to learn either.

You both needed to adapt.

It's a learning curve.

He decided, with a soft kiss to the side of your head and a "see you later sweetheart," that it was better to leave and give you both the space to think and adapt, instead of just standing there digging himself into a deeper hole.

It would get better.

It had to.

But who knew what tomorrow would bring?

He was on a stage playing for a crowd of thousands.

It wasn't the biggest venue they played but it was the only sold out show on the tour.

They were all singing along with him, cheering. His friends, his bandmates, surrounding him and supporting him.

The lights were blinding, he was sweating, and his fingers tapped against the fretboard rapidly until it felt like they would bleed.

He played the last few notes of the song and then threw his arm up in the air with a flourish, all to the backdrop of their cheers.

He saw his face on shirts in the crowd, saw his name, heard them chant his name.

"Eddie...Eddie...Eddie..."

He basked in the majesty of it all, so far from his meek beginnings, so far from Hawkins. If he really thought about it, he didn't even feel like himself anymore. He felt like more.

It felt great.

It felt powerful.

And it was everything he ever wanted.

He pulled the earpiece from his ear and spoke into the microphone as Dave and Jeff threw picks into the crowd.

"Thank you guys...you've been great." He laughed as they cheered for him again. "Port Geneva is one of our favorite places to play. It feels like a little bit of home away from home. The best shows, the best crowds. The best food. Anyone else going to Bonnie's after the show?"

There was a roar of applause again.

"Maybe we'll see you there. It's the main reason we keep coming back here. I always get the Number 7 on Rosemary Bread."

There was a lone boo from the pit; he pulled the mike from the stand and took a few steps to the edge of the stage, eyeing the people for the source of said boo.

There was a couple; a handsome, conventional-looking guy with very neatly combed hair, who wore a flannel over a tee from their first tour. And a girl, pretty--main character pretty--with a hand-written poster in her hands...scolding her boyfriend under her breath.

Bingo.

"We don't like hecklers at our show but if you have a better order than mine I think you need to share it with the class," Eddie grinned at them. There was something familiar about the guy...and the girl...he just couldn't place where he'd seen them before. He shook off the feeling. "Come on, I won't bite."

"If you're not getting the Bonnie Special," the guy shouted up at him, "then you're not doing it right."

The crowd around them boo'd but Eddie stopped them.

"No, no," he chuckled. "I like a guy who knows what he wants. Very metal of you man. What's your name?"

"Patrick."

"Nice to meet you Patrick. I'm Eddie." The crowd laughed. "But seriously no Rosemary bread? That's ok. More for me."

He put the earpiece back in and turned back to the guys, ready to do what he did best: keep playing.

---

Once the show was over, he and the guys indeed made a stop at Bonnie's.

The little sandwich shop was overrun with fans wanting to meet them. He shook hands and signed autographs, as people snapped pictures of them at the counter, ordering a veritable feast to-go.

Then when they got their food and Eddie's hunger got to be too great for him to wait anymore, they were sped back to their hotel.

He wished his bandmates and their manager a goodnight before ducking into his room and bolting the door behind him. He took a few steps in and flipped the light switch on.

And there, sprawled out on the bed, was a different sort of feast.

The true object of Eddie's hunger: you.

You in perfectly paired, borderline scandalous lingerie, hair and makeup impeccable, staring at him with a mirroring hunger in your eyes.

"Hey rockstar," you greeted with a predatory grin. "Kept me waiting long enough."

"Wouldn't you believe it," he smirked at you and gestured to the takeout bag in his hand. "They were out of Rosemary bread."

"That's what happens when you shout your order to a crowd of your biggest fans."

"Funny I didn't see you there."

"How else would I know that you told them your sandwich order?" you teased.

"Didn't hear you either."

"I'll scream your name tonight," you batted your lashes at him. "You'll make sure of that, big boy."

Oh yeah, it was always a boost to his ego when he got you to sing for him, scream for him.

He tossed the bag onto the dresser--for later--and then closed the distance so he could devour you.

His lips went straight for your collarbone, hands exploring your curves, eager to make you squeal; meanwhile, you made quick work of his clothes. His belt was gone instantaneously with a sharp snap, your fingers made quick work of the fly of his jeans, then you reached up to shove his jacket from his shoulders.

God, he'd been fantasizing about you for years--knew your body better than he knew his thanks to countless hours wasted on the tapes from the adult section of Family Video--and it had been a surprise to see your familiar face in the pit at that very first show in Port Geneva.

Or maybe a gift from whatever god or devil was out there.

He'd sought you out after the show and it had been instant chemistry. You both couldn't stop fawning over one another, even though it might've been a little bit more awkward on your part. But you certainly weren't shy about it.

"The rockstar and the porn star," you joked as you split that infamous Number 7 at Bonnie's after your first night together. "A real power couple."

But now it was a handful of years later, and that's exactly what you were. Names forever entwined together in gossip magazines and on each others lips--not to mention the lips of every man and woman who wanted to fuck both of you, even though that likelihood was a big fat zero.

Yeah the sex was great, but it was more than that.

It was knowing one another. Caring for one another. Especially when you were both in an industry where there was little-to-none of either of those things at all.

You'd known for a while; Eddie had found out the hard way.

That's what kept him coming back to you, coming back to a small town with a venue barely-big-enough for the band's rising fame.

Because it was your home, and you were Eddie's.

Home.

It was exactly what he thought as you pushed your panties aside and he sunk into you, wet and waiting and oh-so-deliciously tight.

"Fuck," he swore against your mouth, "I missed you."

"M-missed you too," you panted right back, squirming beneath him, waiting for him to move.

Of course, Eddie was an asshole and let you wait. Let you suffer. Shit he let himself suffer, just to savor being this close with you.

He knew once he got started, he wouldn't stop until it was over.

So he'd hold out for that one last little bit, because he knew before long, he'd be leaving home behind once again.

He wasn't a man known for patience though, and before long he began to move.

He bucked into you, kissed you, squeezed you, lavished you with attention until you were one.

It was a crescendo of feelings when he got to have you like this, his lips spilling promises before he spilled himself inside you.

I missed you.

I want you.

I need you.

I love yo--

Eddie woke up with a gasp, heart racing and a wet spot growing in his boxers.

There was heavy pounding at the side door, someone slamming thier fist against it over and over again.

"Shit," he cursed. "Shit, shit, shit."

He jumped out of bed, and looked down at himself, wincing at the mixture of his embarrassment, his cum-full underwear and his rapidly-softening cock.

"Eddie, it's me," you called through the door and he froze in panic. "I know you just had a wet dream. Can you open up? It's cold out here."

How the hell did you know that?

He waddled out of his room and to the adjacent door and then let you in. You--coat thrown over your pajamas, feet in fuzzy slippers--pushed past him and headed straight for the kitchen.

"We need to talk!" You told him urgently.

"Uh," he called after you. "Can I, uh..." He gestured down at himself.

You pivoted on your heel, and then glanced from his face, down to his crotch.

Your face cycled through an array of warring emotions before it settled on bashfulness.

"Sure," you squeaked. "I'll...uh...make coffee."

Eddie locked himself in the bathroom for several minutes, listening to you bang around in the kitchen as he cleaned himself up and changed.

By the time he walked out, you were sitting at the little table, biting your nails, as two mugs sat in front of you invitingly.

"How did you know about my dream?" he asked immediately as he fell into the seat opposite you.

"Because I had one too," you said in an obvious tone.

He immediately felt his cheeks get hot, and he grabbed the steaming cup of coffee to take a sip, the scalding liquid not nearly as bad as the feelings that burned through him.

"I know...things weren't great last night," you stared once his attention was back on you, "but if shit like that's going to happen--"

"And what exactly was that?"

"That was our Writer finding their inspiration again," you explained. "Probably from one of those pesky requests. For an alternate universe. We can't exactly be...in other places. Yeah sometimes it happens, but when there's already an established world like this one...where I'm here in Hawkins...alternate universes happen in dreams."

"And are they always..." He waved his hand as he looked for the word.

"Pornographic?" The tension between you broke and two of you laughed, all worry melting instantly. "No...not always. But, uh, I guess it doesn't exactly bode well if our Writer found their inspiration for us in that AU."

Eddie swallowed hard and felt his face heat up again, for a different reason this time.

"It wasn't that bad," he muttered and you shook your head at him with a fond chuckle.

"No," you replied. "It wasn't. But, uh, I was kind of hoping you wouldn't see me naked without...I don't know, me being the one to show you."

The realization hit him too, that all of that...was all of that...was that all against both of your wills?

Sort of?

Kind of?

"It's ok," you assured him, seeing the conflict taking over his features. "I, uh...it happens a lot differently for us if either of us didn't actually want to have sex."

"Got it," he nodded, a little relieved that meant you wanted him just as much as he wanted you. But then he paused as he realized the implication...and what that meant for you in the past.

He was about to ask, to check and see if you were ok, but you quickly moved back to the original topic.

"If the Writer has found inspiration again," you began. "That means we need to be on the same page. We need to work together and support each other, because who knows what they have in store for us.

"There are a million types of stories out there. Daring adventures, fluffy romances, angsty heartbreaks. It's a bitch to deal with, honestly. We already know that this Writer wants us together, and they've already thrown wrenches into our relationship. With Steve...and Chrissy...plus the sheer unpredictability, if this dream was anything to go by...it's going to be difficult.

"So you need to be prepared," you said with a tone of finality. "We can't...you can't do what you did earlier. You've gotta keep your cool. There's no escaping this. For either of us. And you can't really fight it, but if you try to, there's definitely ways that it could make things worse for us. There's no way we can stop this until it's over. Until the story this Writer wants to tell is complete."

You reached across the table and covered Eddie's hands with your own.

"I know it's hard and I know it sucks for your world to be turned upside down," you told him gently. "But you need to hold it together. You need to listen to me, trust me. Otherwise there's no telling what might happen."

Your eyes were full of desperation, full of care, and as much as he wanted to question things--question everything--he knew now was not the time or the place.

So he assured you, without a hint of doubt or question in his voice, "I trust you."

Then he turned his hands so your fingers could twine together, and he squeezed.

"And don't worry," he smiled. "You can trust me too."

Next Chapter: Friends to Lovers

There is no taglist for this series, please follow the STFF Updates tag or check the series out on AO3.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #Eddie Munson angst #Eddie Munson smut #stranger things fic #stranger than (fan)fiction #stff updates #stff

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stargazer-sims · 1 month ago

Text

First Visitor

Nora: Your place is great, Forest.

Forest: Thanks. You know, I feel like I should be mad about my dads kicking me out, but I'm kinda not. I like it here so far.

Nora: What's not to like? This is a nice little spot, and you've got your freedom. No annoying siblings, nobody yelling at you or telling you what to do.

Forest: Nobody yelled at me at home either.

Nora: But the other stuff still applies.

Forest: Yeah, and now I can finally be myself. Know what I mean?

Nora: I do know what you mean. And you know what? I'll bet a lot of people are super envious of you right now for getting out and finally being free.

Forest: You think so?

Nora: Totally.

Forest: Like who?

Nora: People who are dying to move out 'cause they're sick of their parents' bullshit. Who needs a curfew, or your parents being all weird about who you date? I do what I want, and Cody doesn't care who I invite over to our place.

Forest: Cody's your boyfriend?

Nora: Not really. Students can't have a teacher as their boyfriend. Another stupid rule, but I don't want him to get fired, so...

Forest: He's a teacher?

Nora: Yeah. You know Mr. MacAllister? The guy that's on his work placement from uni? It's him, but he's only going to be at our school until December, and then he's going back to university in January to finish his program. He's like my roommate with... secret benefits, you could say.

Forest: Benefits? You mean, like, you slept with him?

Nora: Why do you look so shocked? Don't tell me you and Caroline never did it.

Forest: We didn't, actually.

Nora: Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Caroline is obsessed with rules. Her parents probably told her she wasn't allowed and she just blindly followed along. Uh... no pun intended.

Forest: No, I don't think her parents told her she wasn't allowed. She said she didn't want to, and I respected that.

Nora: If she said she did want to, would you have done it?

Forest: Probably. Like, I don't really know how, but we would've figured it out, right? Camellia and Hayden did, and I'm pretty sure Caroline's friend Rainbow has too. Like, a lot, 'cause she's always talking about it.

Nora: I heard a rumour that Rainbow did it in the janitor's room with some alien guy. Not that I blame her. The risk of getting caught makes it so much more exciting.

Forest: Did you ever do it in there?

Nora: Not yet. I'm waiting for the right person to come along.

Forest: Such as?

Nora: Maybe you, if you're up for it.

Forest: I already told you, I don't know how.

Nora: That's not a problem. I can teach you a few things, but it mostly comes naturally anyway, once you get started.

Forest: I kinda want to, but...

Nora: I'll bet Caroline's gonna do it with her new boyfriend. You don't want her to get ahead of you, do you?

Forest: If she wouldn't do it with me, I doubt she'd do it with Ben.

Nora: Seriously? Have you seen him? She probably just didn't want to do it with you because she wanted some jock. You know how athletes are. Totally obsessed with perfection.

Forest: Do you really think that's it?

Nora: Of course it is. You didn't live up to her expectations, so she kicked you to the curb like trash. Now me, on the other hand... I'm interested in getting to know you for who you are, and I can really appreciate a soft body too. Men like you are way more cuddly then guys like Ben.

Forest: You think I'm a man?

Nora: Unless there's something you're not telling me, or I missed too many biology classes.

Forest: It's not that. It's just that it makes me sound grown up.

Nora: Well, you are independent now, aren't you? How many little boys do you know who're living on their own?

Forest: Good point.

Nora: Ooh... I just thought of something!

Forest: What?

Nora: We should go to the Harvest Dance together. Imagine how mad Caroline will be when she sees you having a good time and not moping around because she broke up with you.

Forest: You really want to go to the dance with me?

Nora: Why wouldn't I?

Forest: You never seemed interested in me before. Like that, I mean. Like a boyfriend.

Nora: I didn't want to be accused of trying to steal my cousin's boyfriend, did I? I could hardly have asked you out while you still had Caroline hanging onto you, but we don't have that problem any more. Now I can have you all to myself.

Forest: All this time, you really wanted to ask me out?

Nora: Mm-hmm. So, will you go to the dance with me?

Forest: I wasn't planning to go, but yeah. Now that I officially have a date, why not?

Nora: Great. I already have the perfect dress.

Forest: What's it like?

Nora: Let me keep that a surprise, but I think you'll appreciate it. It hugs all my curves.

Forest: So, like most of your normal clothes, then?

Nora: You've noticed.

Forest: Kinda hard not to, honestly. You do get dress-coded a lot.

Nora: Stupid dress code. Teachers just don't understand freedom of expression. If you've got something to show off, you should be allowed to show it off. That's what I think. School has too many dumb rules.

Forest: If you don't like it, why are you still in school? You're on your own, so you could quit if you wanted to, right?

Nora: I could, but if I didn't go to school, how would I get my daily entertainment? High school is way better than any soap opera.

Forest: Is it really worth the hassle, though? I'm kind of thinking about quitting. My boss at the pizza shop would probably give me full-time hours if I was available.

Nora: If you do it, let me know and I'll quit with you. We could get a place together, and we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

Forest: I don't know if that's really a good pl—

Nora: Shh... no more serious talk. You need to learn some stuff before we go out together.

Forest: Is this okay? Shouldn't there be like, consent or whatever?

Nora: I consent. If you consent too, we're good. Besides, it's just kissing. It's not like we're taking each other's clothes off or something. I mean, not that I don't want to take your clothes off you, but...

Forest: I don't want anyone to take their clothes off.

Nora: It's cool. We can save that for another time. Now, show me your skills and stop worrying.

Forest: *whispering* Is this good?

Nora: You're a quick study.

Forest: Thanks.

Nora: I never would've guessed this is your first time kissing a girl.

Forest: It's technically not my first time. I've kissed Caroline on the cheek a few times.

Nora: You're adorable, Forest.

Forest: Is that a good thing?

Nora: *laughing*

Nora: I'd better get going, but I'll come back tomorrow if you want, or you can come over to my place.

Forest: I'd like to come over to your place, if that's okay.

Nora: Awesome. I can't wait to show you around. It's not a very big apartment, but I have an amazing bedroom. I think you'll really like it.

#ts4 #sims 4 #willow creek #nora deluca #forest abbottsford #stargazer sims

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emotionally-damaged-carrot · 1 year ago

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"Just another character in your book"

Part 2 of this

Here is the part 2, haven't had motivation for writing a part 2 lately and I've been super busy. Hope this was worth the wait? I tried to proof read it but I am too tired it's 2am here. I will get to the request rotting in my inbox when I can. I have just been super busy lately and most likely until december. Hope you understand but I try to do the requests asap.

Warning: none, surprisingly

Hope you enjoy ✌️

Walking back into the apartment it filled me with sadness and betrayal. A place I once felt safe and loved, now it felt more cold and fake.

"I-i'll make dinner after I freshen up."

I told Charles as I pulled away from him and rushed to the bathroom in our bed. 'Smells like cheap perfume mixed with sweat.' I said to myself as I noticed 2 used condoms in the trash as I entered the bathroom. 'Guess she wasn't all that if he they only did 2, or did I interrupt?' I asked myself, trying to ignore the thoughts from plaguing my mind.

As I undressed and entered the shower the tears began to flow again, the sobs coming out louder. I opened the shower to try and hide the sounds, hoping he won't hear. But then again, if he didn't hear me enter earlier, he probably can't hear me right n-

"Y/n, you okay?"

My thoughts were cut off by his voice.

"Y-yea, why'd you ask?" I asked trying to sound normal but my voice faltered.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I asked cheerily, hoping it's enough to get rid of him.

"If you say so, I'll skip dinner, I already ate earlier. Sorry." He said apologetically.

"No worries, you don't have to apologize for eating." I said with a chuckle. 'You only need to apologize for doing her on the bed we sleep in.'

"Okay, I'm gonna go shower and chill on the couch."

"Okay."

After our little interaction, I finished showering and dressing myself up. Walking out of the bathroom I see that he changed the bed sheets and the pillow cases. 'So I won't smell the intense session you two had.' I thought to myself with a smile.

I got out of the bedroom to go make dinner for myself. I see him on the couch with the t.v on but he's focused on his phone, laughing and blushing. I caught a glimpse of what was on screen, seeing a name with a heart beside it, and some not so safe for work texts and a video. 'They even recorded it? Wonder how long before it gets leaked, I wonder how everyone will react when they find out everything?'

As I got the ingredients ready, and cooked, I accidentally burned myself on the pan. Not fully concentrated as my mind wondered about the events that occured just some time ago.

"Fucking bitch." I whisper shouted as pain shot up from my fingers. I immidiately ran my hand under cold water.

"Amour? What happened?" Charles asked as he entered the kitchen and walked towards me.

"I-i-i'm fine, j-just made an oopsie, I'm gonna go back to cooking again with more care this time hopefully." I said with a dry chuckle as I avoided him, trying to distance myself from him. I can't stop imagining the things they did.

"Are you sure?" He asked as he tried getting closer. But I end up just hurrying with the cooking, turning the fire on high to cook faster. Luckily I only need to finish up the egg which takes little time to cook.

"Yep." I said as I put the egg on my plate. Along with some fish, beef, and rice.

"You want some?" I asked as I offered him my plate to stop him from advancing to me.

"Okay, What's wrong y/n?" He said as he stopped in his tracks completely looking confused, hurt and annoyed. 'He doesn't really have a right to be hurt, does he?' I asked myself as I began to overthink everything, maybe I wasn't what he needed? Maybe I didn't do it for him anymore? Maybe, just maybe, I did something for him to seek comfort in someone else?

"D-did I d-do somth-thing?" I asked with trembling voice as I looked at him with teary eyes.

"W-what? Of course not, mi amour. You could never do anything wrong." He said in a loving tone as he closed the gap between us and hugging me tight. I hugged him back just as tight as tears began to flow down my cheeks I burried my face on his chest wetting his shirt.

"What makes you say that?" He asked worriedly as he kisses my hair and ruffles it while rocking me side to side.

"Y-you looked a-annoyed." I said but my voice is muffled by his shirt.

"I wasn't annoyed, I was just confused why you were acting like that. Did something happen at work?" 'Not at work.'

"Did I do something?" 'Of course you did.'

I tried to shake my thoughts away as his questions continued. My mind being overrun by guilt and confusion. My emotions being overwhelmed by sadness and anger. Feeling guilty that I am like this, that I made him worry. Confusion as I can't explain why I am feeling like this, why do I feel bad for him, when he hurt me. Waves of sadness hit me as I felt helpless in his clutch, feeling like without him I would be nothing. My mind and everything are all jumbled up, not knowing which is which or what is what. But one thing I know for certain is that, I shouldn't feel this way.

As I gathered myself I pulled back and away from him, removing his arms from around me.

"I-i'll just go eat." I said, trying to hide the hurt from my voice. I removed my apron, put the dishes in the sink and grabbed my plate from the counter and speed walked upstairs towards the guest bedroom.

As I ate in silence, pondering on what to do. I heard Charles on the phone with someone, he seemed to be having a great conversation if you take into account the loud laughters.

"Of course not, mate... Yea, I'll be very careful. Oui, oui okay, I'll see you tomorro, ciao."

As I finished eating I hear foodsteps getting close, and a door opening and his voice.

"Y/n? Where are you? Amour?"

I heard he say as he closed the door and his voice became a bit muffled, after a bit I heard a door open again and close.

"Y/n? Are you okay?"

He said as he tried to open the locked door to the guest room.

"Y-yea, I just wanted to eat in silence is all. Don't worry."

I said in a cheerful tone.

"I feel like you're not okay, y/n." 'Of course I'm not, after what you've done.'

"Can I come in?" 'No, I don't want to fall for you again.'

"I'll be out in a bit, just gotta tidy up." 'Wipe the tears and clean your face don't let him see.'

"Okay, I'll be downstairs, talk to me.. please."

He said with a brief pause before saying the last word in a sad tone.

"I will."

—

After fixing myself I decide to come downstairs to watch the dishes and clean up. Stepping down the final step I see the t.v is off, and a sleeping Charles on the couch with his phone on his hand and unlocked. 'I shouldn't.'

After I clean up everything in the kitchen, I check back on him to see if he's still asleep. He looked so peaceful, with his eyes closed and mouth open a bit. He looked so relaxed, without a worry in the world. I look back at his phone, curiousity winning. I step walk closer to him to take his phone, surprisingly with no resistance. The first thing I saw was his messages with someone, a woman, I saw the messages sent earlier today. Full of pictures of a woman, in lacy undergament thst barely cover her breasts and other parts.

"Are you sure you want this one?

Those look perfect on you.

They would look better in your hands. ;)

I will make you scream my name"

As I read a few of the messages I started to tear up, looking up at the name of the woman, I saw a heart beside it. Scrolling down I began to see pictures and videos, all sent recently. I saw the pictures he sent to her of him in nothing but underwear with a prominent bulge. The tears began to fall, down my cheeks and onto the phone.

"Amour?"

I looked towards the source of the voice, seeing a sleepy Charles rubbing his eyes. His began to show concern after seeing tears falling down my face.

"W-what happ-"

He didn't finish his sentence as he saw what I was holding. I silently gave him back his phone and made my way upstairs to pack all my belongings, which was not much considering he owned the apartment. I packed my shoes, clothes and nessesities that I bought with my own money, not wanting to take anything from him.

"I can expl-"

"It's okay, I knew you could never love true, that you can't be loyal. I mean, you are Charles Leclerc for crying out loud, ladies and men flock to you, they crave even an drop of your attention. They go crazy from a single glance from you, you could get anyone you want. And it appears you chose a new one, I won't make a scene and get angry, I knew what I signed up for the moment I accepted your proposal to be in a relationship with you. I should've expected this, with a body and face like yours I don't blame you. I want to, but my mind won't let me. I will be out as soon as possible, just get to bed and sleep. I hope she is worth it, I hope it won't happen to her. I loathe her, I envy her, but I don't want her to get hurt. Take care of her, maybe she will give you what you want and you won't have to look for anyone else, I hope she will be the last."

I said as my lips quiver and tears fall down freely from my eyes. I began to close my suitcase and bag, all my belongings now with me. I couldn't bare to look at him as my eyes looked at everywhere but him.

"I-i'm sorry, I love you, it was a m-mistake, please please please don't do this. Don't leave."

He said, his voice breaking. And for the first time ever since I said what I said, I looked at him, tears falling down his cheeks as he walked closer to me.

"I don't want to leave, I want to stay b-"

"Then stay, I will cut her off completely, I will the best boyfriend from now on I will try my hardest to earn your love, I will do everything you want. just please..please.. don't leave me. I need you, I lo-"

"I want to believe you and I want to be with you, but, I can't. Holding on will hurt me more than letting go."

I said as I walked closer to him my hands going o his cheeks, the pads of my thumbs wiping away the tears as his hands hold mine.

"D-don't please, I-i-i-i need you, I love you."

"Please, don't say that, because if you really meant it, you wouldn't have to say it to prove it, instead you'd show it you make me believe it."

"I-i-i can prove it, I can show it, please, just stay with me, don't leave. I-i-i need you, please I'm begging you, give me another chance to show you how much I lo-"

"I want to, I really want to give you another chance, but I don't think I can. I've been hurt far too many times by second chances. I really wanna believe you, I want to love you. I want to be with you, but I'm not going to stay with you if it causes me pain, I can't say I wasn't happy with you, because I was, I really did enjoy being with you. But, it's time for me to let go, the song has stopped and the dance has ended."

I said as I hugged him tight and burry my face on his neck, his arms wrapping around my waist tightly, hoping that if he held me tight enough I won't go.

"Please, I can show you happiness, I ca-"

"I know you can, and you have, but. It's time for you to show it to another."

I said as I pulled back, looking at his face that is now red and tear stained, his eyes red and hair a mess.

"It's time I go, it's very late, you should sleep."

I said as I pulled away and went to collect my suitcase and bag.

"One more night, please?"

He asked me pleadingly, hoping I will cave in if he asked me with the way he looks, like a broken man who lost everything.

"I c-can't."

I said as I put on my bag and grabbed my suitcase, and making my way towards the door. I tried to avoid him, to avoid his hands that were reaching out for me. I walked out of the bedroom and onto the living room, looking around one last time to see if I missed anything. With one last inhale and exhale, I made my way towards the main door and went out, I looked back to close the door to see a broken Charles looking at me with sad pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry Charles, I guess I was only another character in your book."

#x male reader #x reader #y/n #gay #formula 1 #f1 x male reader #f1 x reader #formula 1 x male reader #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x y/n #bottom male reader #charles leclerc x m!reader #charles leclerc x male reader #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc

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guiltypleasurehoarder · 1 year ago

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How long have you known you're into Emeto (question for the whole community)?

Warning: pretty much a whole life story under the cut. NONE OF THIS IS CLASSED AS BEING SEXUALISED! everything that happened was out of interest up until last year and by "last year" I mean December, I was already 18 by that point, if youre turned on by the other stuff that's on you please DNI

Because I know I've known since I was really young, like when I was little my friends and I would play with dolls ad a character would always get sick because I found it fascinating. It started to become part of all the games we played and I got worried people would find out that I thought it was cool, it was like a guilty pleasure. Around age 12, my friend wanted to get out of a field trip and asked if I knew any ways to get sick, I'd never tried any but I applied logic and told them they should Chug water until it bounces (it worked, I witnessed it, probably the strangest thing I've ever seen). It was age 13 I started getting into prank channels and fake puke, I'd act like I was vomiting and I'd watch other people on the Internet because it was fun, then I noticed I was way too invested in it, like I'd get mad if it wasn't realistic enough. It was probably when I was 15 when I started looking up why I was so obsessed with vomiting because I could barely sleep thinking about how strange I was, that's when I found all these posts online about "emetophilia". I denied it being a kink for months before I just gave in. It was at 16 when I really started experimenting, gagging myself, etc. I found out my friend had a whump thing and so we both experimented with stuffing until that got weird. I know it's gonna sound weird that we were doing that sort of stuff so young but we didn't sexualise it. Last year I got into a relationship with someone with the same kink as me, we used to gag each other and one time it led to them getting sick all down themself (it was all liquid so I didn't freak out) and since then it's sort of just spiralled for me.

#emeto #emetophilia #emeto kink #emeto tw #tw emeto #vomiting

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intothecometverse · 9 months ago

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in honor of february ending, here's what i manifested this month!

🐬 this one time i was practicing a bit later than usual and i was like FUCK ION WANNA EAT DINNER AND THEN GO TO ORCHESTRA REHEARSAL WITHIN HALF AN HOUR THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TIME and then i got an email for the rehearsal schedule and i got at least half an hour more than usual until i had to come. funny enough i was thinking to myself like plz don't make me come until later plz plz plz plz plz plz and then i got the email for the rehearsal schedule so yippe

🐬 going on to that i had to fucking take a shit and ended up arriving to the rehearsal room ON THE DOT (which is late for orchestra standards 💔) but luckily there were still ppl waiting outside while the conductor was dealing with the basses and cellos only (which was the reason why ppl who weren't basses and cellows didn't have to come until half an hour later) so i wasn't late woo! and on my walk there (i was speed walking lol) i was affirming to myself i'm not gonna be late im not gonna be late there are still gon' be ppl waiting outside then boom that happened??? like im god hello??

🐬 having dinner + getting to go on a mini walk with my goth sp (i asked them and they said yes)

🐬 also manifesting conversations with my goth sp just by thinking about experiencing it seconds beforehand

🐬 oh ja and i also manifested being released early from orchestra rehearsals thru just thinking abt it seconds before too 😭😭

🐬 manifested seeing another sp during my regular day activities (their dorm room is around the corner from mine so we see each other a lot xD) like whenever i think abt them boom they pop up 😭. manifesting interactions next 𓆩♡𓆪

🐬 (me personally i think this was my most putting-my-foot-down manifesting moment) i overate one time and felt like throwing up, like i was feeling ALL the symptoms i usually do before i throw up so i was like "I'm not gonna throw up im not gonna throw up, remember who's in control. I AM in control, nothing else! the 3d will conform, because i said so, IT'S GOING TO CONFORM, NOW" and then i felt fine, just like that :D

🐬 not needing to get out of bed and take a piss one night when i was rly tired (affirmed "i don't need to piss" until i fell asleep 😭)

🐬 my room being opened one night when i got locked out at like 1/2 am

🐬 my grade in jazz history being raised from a D to a B- (and hopefully an A by the end of the quarter)

🐬 also i have all As in all my other classes

🐬 getting to have a fun hangout before February ended lol

🐬 having friends my age who live in dorms near me xD

🐬 my eczema getting healed without special ointment or anything

🐬 birf control (technically manifested it way back in December bc that was when i got a confirmed appointment but wtv. i got the implant this month so xD)

🐬 clearer skin

🐬 i have super long hair and the ends didn't dry out (technically this is like a continuous manifestation but i just wanted to mention it. basically I've been affirming "the ends of my hair is immune to split ends and drying out as it gets longer" and it worked!)

🐬 being better at trumpet :D (i told my trumpet teacher how much i practiced during one lesson, and continued to play during our lesson even when i surpassed my usual amount of time playing during an average day and he said I've gotten stronger due to playing for so long yet still sounding relatively fresh. and recently I've kept playing for longer amounts of time during the day and I've still been fine so yippe

what i'm looking for manifesting-wise in march:

🦞 shifting lmao

🦞 being successful in my job

🦞 being successful in all areas of life actually

🦞 getting to hang out with both sps + them getting along as friends so we could be a whole trio :3

🦞 my sps texting me first along with me texting them first (like yk how they say it should be like a 50/50 thing with who starts the convos and shit)

🦞 supernatural shit like powers, wings, horns, and like those king sombra kinda smoky eyes

🦞 WORLD. PEACE.

hope this inspired you, and remember, anything is possible, and u are loved!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

#law of assumption #neville goddard sp #neville goddard #loa #manifesting #loassumption #affirm and persist #loablr #loa success

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kairithemang0 · 4 months ago

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Tomorrow it's been a year. A year since he was here. So, lets talk about all the things he did <3 gonna get a little tmi but I need this off my chest because I'm finally realizing the gravity of the situation and maybe I'm just overdramatic but honestly, I'm so over it at this point I want to wrap it all up in a nice little bow and never think about it again

One year to when he kissed me, when he turned on the food network incase we "made too much noise". he was 17, I was 14. Just found out about this now but a year before he asked my cousin to have sex with him because "they were basically both adults" (both 16 at the time). He was into my friend, he actively talked about how much he loved her when i was having a panic attack, after he kissed me he said she was just so damn cute (they met in person for the first time that day). He told me I was a bad friend because I said that him practically begging an aroace person to date him wasn't a good idea and then getting pissed when they broke up with him, refusing to talk to me after i tried to comfort him, saying a loved and cared about him. he ghosted me for 3 days after, he didn't come online that entire time and when he came back he begged me not to be mad at him, said he loved me with all his heart and wanted to be with me and be there for me. He asked me to break up with my partner, a partner I cared about, a partner I adored. I did so. We're still friends, she's found a lovely person. I'm so happy for her. Me and my friend would make jokes about how we're in a love triangle with him and how her and I should get together as a fuck you. He said what we had was straight, that no matter what gender I idenitified as he'd never be gay. He used my deadname under his breath, he made me look at him. I hate eye contact but he held my face and forced me to look at him. He pushed me away when he turned 18. He said he was "too worried about falling for me". That was in December. Back to last july after he left he said he wanted a relationship, he wanted something with me. He wanted this to be real. He said he'd only date me if I never left him, if I promised to have kids with him. Looking back that's way more disgusting than i thought it was back then. I shot the idea down, I said it sounded like some fucked up contract. Thinking about it now makes me want to vomit in my mouth, I don't know if he emotionally manipulated me or if I was doing it to myself for letting it happen? He had this crush since he broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years, October 2022. My cousin has since apologized for making him believe he had a chance, which I'm appreciative of. He ended up having a crush on her as well, we both agree he's just fucking pathetic. The worst part about it is the emptiness that followed. He never tried in conversations, they were all flat. He said our friendship only worked when he was there in New Jersey, when he was with me. When he was allowed to be there and touch me. We met in person 4 months after I first met him in June of 2022, I was 13 and he was 16. Everything was great. And then only a year later a feel empty talking to him as he's forcing me to look at him. There was a time where if he wasn't talking to me I felt physically ill, I was so deep in this hole of needing him, meanwhile it never felt like he needed me as much as he said he did. I just wanted someone I considered my best friend, I sometimes wonder if he was waiting until I was legal. He said he'd never hurt me, that he wouldn't do something I didn't want to do. Frankly I don't think he should've listened to a desperate lonely 14 year old who he ghosted for 3 days and then became so emotionally dependent on. I don't think he was intentionally manipulating me, I was more of doing it to myself, but looking back I just feel manipulated, yknow?

Sorry, you guys don't need to hear this. I don't need to share it. I'm happy I've blocked him, I'm happy I don't need to think about him. I hope this post will help me forget about it all, or at least turn it into something I can reflect on as "wow, I can't believe I let that happen". I may reblog this with more things as my memory shows. Maybe I'm being overdramatic, I just needed this off my chest

#vent #sorry this is tmi #i just needed this off my chest #still have the goku postit he put on my ceiling #maybe i should rip it up for symbolism or something #it looks nothing like goku #this is the “he” i keep asking if i should text btw

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transuncletaylor · 1 year ago

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Gather around, it's time for my Christmas/Holiday story or how I got very lost in Seoul cause I'm a dumbass. (I'm gonna use she/her when referring to myself cause I was identifying as a woman then)

Picture it, it's December 2009 in Seoul, South Korea. Ya girl Taylor has been in the city for about two weeks at this point and the first time I had been to Korea. My sister was an English teacher at a hagwon (after school program) and I largely spent the afternoon and evenings exploring the city while she was at work.

Now before we delve into the meat of the story, there are a few things we need to establish. One, I can read the Korean alphabet and speak a little, just enough to get around. Two, I did not have a smartphone because it's 2009 and they weren't really a thing yet. Three, my sister had written down in my notebook her address, her phone number, her work number, all sorts of important info and key phrases.

So skip to December 24th, it's Christmas Eve and it's cold as fuck and it snowed a little that day. I had lunch with my sister, I think we had gone to a sushi buffet place I think. One of things I had planned to do that day was go to this live taping at a radio station that a few members of Super Junior were going to be at. I told my sister where I was going and what time to expect me back that evening.

We part ways and I go about doing who knows what because the radio show wasn't until like 9pm. Before we continue, I think we'll need a map real quick. My sister lived in Mapo-gu, worked in I can't remember but towards the west, and the radio station was at KBS On at Yeouido Island. Note the Han River cuts the city in half.

My 20 year old self did not have a cellphone actually either, well I had one but I just couldn't use it in Korea. I go on my way and that evening I head over to KBS. I get there, got a little lost where the viewing area was and saw a kpop star, from Beast/Highlight in the wild. But I find the viewing area and I'm just living my best kpop girlie life. (In another post we'll talk about how I had dinner with Yesung from Super Junior's parents)

After a while it's getting late and I know I need to head back because the buses and subways were shutting down early. I head back to the main bus area on the island and find the bus number I needed and hop on, grateful for the warmth. The bus starts going and I just have my headphones on listening to my iPod nano.

So my sister lives on the other side of the river right? I have to cross the river which is wide as fuck and I notice after maybe 30 minutes that we haven't crossed the river yet. At first I thought I might have just zoned out and started paying attention more. But none of the stops sounded familiar to me and nothing was looking like Hongdae, which is where I was going to get off.

Dumbass moment number one was I waited about another 15 minutes before I realized I might have made a mistake. I go up to the bus driver and ask about my stop and he slaps his hands on the wheels and curses a bit. But other than that, I couldn't understand what he was saying. A kind older gentleman rider came up and translated for me and that's when I found out I had the correct bus number but instead of inbound, I went outbound.

Just stay on the bus right? It'll head in the other direction? No. That was the last bus of the night.

The kind gentleman took me to his stop and I followed like a lost duckling and luckily for me he brought me to a police station. So just imagine me, a dumb 20 year old white girl in South Korean police station, there's limited communication and I'm scared and feeling like a giant idiot for getting lost and now bothering these two police officers with my dumbassery.

Surely it can't get worse, Taylor. You have your sister's number, you can just call her and probably get a cab.

Yeah, you would think, but this is me we're talking about, my dumbassery is limitless. I was born a himbo before I even knew it. So you remember that notebook I had with all of that contact information and address? Yeah, I left that at the apartment. I didn't know what her number was much less her street address. I could point it out on a map though so that was close enough.

That's not all though, I didn't have any cash on me and there wasn't Venmo or cashapp these days and debt cards/credit cards didn't often work at a lot of places abroad. I had already spent the cash I had on me that day and so the police officer takes me next door to pull cash at the ATM in the 7-11. Except that ATM doesn't accept my card.

We go back to the police station and they call a taxi company to see if they would take me but without cash and an exact address or a phone number, they say no. They think I will just run out on the tab and the drive was going to be far.

At this point, I have no money, no prospects, and scared. Oh and no way to contact my sister to let her know where I was and that I was okay. What am I going to do now? Take a nap on the leather couch in the police station, of course. I am given a Krispy Kreme donut and a space heater and I just knock out a few hours until 6am when the buses start running again.

The police wave down the bus and explain to the bus driver about the dumb dumb foreigner who got lost and how she needs to get to Hongdae. Actually, I don't even think I had enough money on my bus card but uhhhh, yeah I think people were tired of my shit at this point. So I'm seated on the bus, nice and cozy and... I fall asleep.

I'm woken up later by someone nudging me and everyone on the bus staring at me because the bus driver is trying to get my attention over the intercom. We had made it to Hongdae and goddamn, I feel so bad for the people involved in this because I was such a fucking idiot. Thank you to everyone who had helped me that night and I hope each of them are doing well now.

I get off the bus and start walking back to my sister's apartment and it's about a 30 minute walk. I get back to her place, punch in the numbers into the keypad on her front door and walk in. And it goes like:

Leah, out of sight in her loft bed area: ...Taylor?

Me, at the front door: ...hiiiiiiiiiiiii sister

She comes running down and nearly squeezed me in half from the tightest hug I had ever received. There are tears going down both of our faces and yeah, like she's a 24 year old whose little sister was missing in a big city in a country far far from home. After making sure I was real and not hurt, I told her about my wild adventure and where I was and why I didn't call.

Now what was she up to while I was a toasty little cinnamon roll fast asleep on a couch in a police station? She had gotten home around 11pm from work and waited until midnight for me to return. When I wasn't back by then, she started to get nervous and around 1am she called our mother to say that she thinks I'm missing.

They both then go into action. My sister calls the police and through her tears explains that her little sister hasn't come home and she doesn't know where I am. She gives them my description and two of them show up at her apartment to get a photo of me. From what I was told, that was sent around to police stations and the hospitals were alerted to be on the look out for a white girl with my description.

So end of story right? I'm back home, the police and embassy are told about my return and cancelled the alert. Everything is fine and it's Christmas Day, so let's open presents and eat some tasty food and be merry. Taylor, what else could happen that day? Taylor... Taylor, why aren't you saying the end? Taylor, please. Please, how far does your dumbassery go?

My mother had called the US embassy and told them about my disappearance and so like, plenty of people are looking for my lost dumb ass. But Taylor, weren't you in a police station? Wouldn't they have gotten the alert and replied back that they had you? Good point, but you see, I was not in Seoul at this point. I had sat my ass on that bus long enough that I ended up in Anyang. I tried putting a second map to this post, but Tumblr keeps fucking up and not saving it, so please look at your map app for Anyang.

My mother also thinks I've been kidnapped and sent to North Korea and is just blasting all over Facebook about me missing.

Leah still has to go to work that day, so she gets a short nap in, we'll do presents when she gets home that evening. She's not having to work a whole day, so she'll be home early. I plan on staying at the apartment, though I do venture out to the store to get some groceries for Christmas dinner. An ajumma gave me a wrapped gift on the way back and it was a cute pair of socks and an info slip about the local neighborhood church. I think I still have those socks.

While she was at work, I started cooking which is never a good idea because I have made the fire alarm go off by boiling water. In my luggage, I brought a toaster oven that was my mother's Christmas gift to Leah and a plug converter. I plugged it in, but my dumbass did it wrong cause when I turned it on, I blew a fuse in her apartment. However, I made dinner and she came home and we opened gifts and watched movies.

The End.

#i was allowed to go back next year #and still didnt have a cell phone at that point #but i alwaysade sure i had cash and my notebooks

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echantedtoon · 1 year ago

Text

A Champion Time For The Heart Ch40 The End

(This is it folks. Just one more left after this which will be the epilogue. The place where reader meets Arceus is based off the Legends of Arceus post game fight. Link below.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8-feGjQNs8&list=LL&index=37)

-DECEMBER-

The last month of the year arrived just like that after a grueling November filled with get this- More villain attacks, but Leon got to spend some more time with you (and Allister-) doing small things like playing with Allister or just walking around and going out to eat between his training for the Masters League event being held next month just two days after Christmas. It was nerve wracking but exciting all the same to know it would be ending soon then you could get back to your little home in Galar. But one day Leon pulled you aside and told you about something that he had been planning for a while when you ran into him and Nessa at the pokemon center.

"Winter Soiree?," you asked him one day confused and he nodded.

"Yeah! Everyone from Galar's going to be there and it's gonna be just like a big Christmas party mini festival sorta thing. I'm gonna be passing out all the presents to the little kids and I'd love for you and Allister to come! Hoppy and everyone else would be there a-and I know we haven't been able to see each other because of everything happening." You blinked as he shyly grabbed your hands. "A-And if I'm being honest-...I-I would like to be able to spend some time with you again."

You face lit up a red but you nodded. "Y-Yeah. It sounds like a good experience for Allister too."

he beamed. "I hope you're excited! This year we'll make sure everyone's presents get delivered properly."

"I'm known to lose myself in my work, but that aside," nessa butted in raising a brow, "Leon, haven't you been overworking yourself lately? You do know that you could enjoy yourself at these events too right?"

"She has a point, Lee. You're working so hard and you could use a break especially with Christmas right around the corner."

"Nonsense!," he waved you both off as you and Nessa exchanged a look, "As long as there's people expecting me it's my job to be there for them!"

"I suppose so but we haven't had the chance to hang out with Sonia either. Of course part of it's because of her research, but I'm worried about it."

"That's what the party's all about! Trust me! As soon as Christmas hits we can all get together and hang out just like the good old days, and as soon as the Masters League is over we can hang out even more!"

Well he certainly wasn't lying about that at all either. Because November ended and December began. The snow fell and the cold settled in and you made sure to have Allister bundled more than a hibernating bear whenever you all went out. Then Christmas came and it was time for the party. It would held the same place the Midnight Spookfest was just a few months ago on Halloween so you knew where to go. Along the way you ran into Sonia and Hop and later the twins who joined you all. The six of you formed a little group and walked together towards the Prince's giant manor passing by glowing Christmas lights and sparkly decorations until arriving in the front of the manor along with so many other trainers and Pasio locals. There you saw Raihan and Piers and said Hello to Marnie before they moved onto chat with other people. The smells of food ready to be served to the guests wafted through the air making everyone hungry, and a GIGANTIC Christmas tree shimmering with so many small ornaments it was beautiful. For a while you mingled with Sonia and the guys catching up on everything that had been happening with them and Sonia's research until Prince Lear made his announcements.

"Let the Winter Soiree begin!! Rejoice in the festivities and Pokemon battles! As for the presents, these lovely volunteers will be delivering our gifts this year!"

Well you were shocked when two of those volunteers who were decked out in christmas themed wear was your boyfriend and Nessa. He was all decked out in a festive green winter coat and cap and was happy to take one of the giant bags Prince Lear was directing the volunteers too. Wasn't he supposed to be taking time out of his tasks to spend time with you all..Well with a frown you walked up to him to confront him about it. When he noticed you walking up to him he beamed, but stopped noticing the frown you had.

"Leon." You threw a hand to the heavy two bags in his hands. "What's this?"

"These? Oh. W-Well I did tell you I'd be passing out gifts for everyone."

"I know that. I was expecting you to be passing them out here, you didn't say anything about taking off to deliver them around Pasio!"

"Well I didn't think you'd mind-''

"Mind!?" You frowned more. "Leon, you promised me you'd be able to spend time with me tonight. And nevermind me! What about Hop? Or Victor or Gloria? They've been excited to see you! And Sonia! I thought you two were friends!"

"We are!," he assured you with his own frown, "And I WILL spend time with you. ALL of you as soon as I'm finished! I promise you as soon as I'm finished I'll spend the rest of the night with you all." You opened your mouth to argue but he was already kissing your forehead and making off. "Trust me! I always keep my promises!"

And he left you standing there, alone as he walked off. After a second you gave a yell of frustration making a few people look at your frowning form as you stomped back towards the guys. The rest of the day you just ended up going inside the manor and chugging eggnog and just-...sitting my yourself for the next couple hours. Allister and the guys were outside playing outside and you lost sight of Sonia so it was just you for so long, you doubted Lee would be back until late into the night anyways with how big Pasio was so it looks like you were once again left alone on Christmas. Not gonna lie it did sting, but you would figure it out later. For now that food was enough to drown your sorrows in. Until it neared sundown. Allister came by with Gloria to grab some food and check on you before going back to play and you were just standing at the food table drinking something and scowling off at nothing. You didn't see the small crowd of your friends, Sonia included cheering and gathering around someone as he walked in and spoke to them for around ten minutes until Hop pointed towards your form with your back turned towards them and then the man walked on over towards you. You didn't even notice Leon walk up to you until a gloved hand reached over and you jumped when someone just grabbed a cup of some of the available eggnog before you looked over and blinked as a familiar pair of golden eyes beamed down at you.

"Hey. I don't suppose the eggnog is any good?"

You stared surprised at him for a moment before frowning and looking away. "I'm still mad at you. What are you even doing back here so early?"

"I had someone help knock some sense into me," he spoke softly, "And thanks to the help of some pokemon I'm already done. Y/n." He reached up a hand to you. "I-I'm sorry. It was a dumb idea to volunteer and not take into account how it'd impact my time with everyone. The entire reason I even wanted you to come to Pasio with me is because I wanted to spend time with you and I REALLY do want to! Honest."

"Well it seems like your Champion duties are important too."

He winced and shook his head finally grabbing your shoulder and gaining your attention. "I acted dumbly and was selfish, but I'm here now because I miss you. ...And I love you." Your eyes widened at him at that moment and he smiled. "Here." Reaching his other hand around to his side pocket he grabbed something and pulled out a very, VERY small square box that wasn't wrapped. "I even got you a present. Something that m-means a lot to me but..I-I'm hoping would mean a lot to you too."

Your eyes looked between the box and him for a moment before raising a brow. "What is It?"

"I was hoping you'd ask me that." Taking his other hand he reached over and opened the top of the box making your eyes budge out. The inside was a velvet material and nestled on the inside was two small rings that could probably fit you. A shiny gold band sat there with a small but decently sized purple stone inside it reflecting the Christmas lights and your face. Your f/c eyes widened and you again looked between his smiling face and the ring. W-Was he- "I-It's a promise ring." ....Oh. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I know it can be confusing and I know you probably wouldn't want to get married this early, but I wanted to get you something special. S-Something we could share together. A promise to one another and my promise to you to be better. That is ..i-if you want it. It's fine if you don't. I understand if this is too much too soon. I-I just thought it'd be a cute idea is all-"

He blinked when you plucked the other ring from the box and held it up to him first with a smile. "Well then...You're going to let me put yours on your ring first." Before Leon could say anything you gently grabbed his other hand and he looked wide eyed as you gently slid it onto his finger before grabbing the other ring from the box and slipping it onto yourself smiling widely. Humming a moment. "...It's beautiful. I think I can forgive you this time..." You shot a smirk his way. "But I think you deserve a present too.~"

"I-I- You-..." He gulped red faced the ring box dropping to the floor. "G-G-Gift? Me?"

You smiled, before just grabbing his cheeks and kissing him at that moment.

This was it. The last month he'd spend here. All the battling was scheduled for later this month after Christmas and everyone was getting ready and pumped for the official event that would take place at the Star Pasio Arena. He however couldn't feel more relieved. He was about to go home soon. And you would no doubt watch everyone's performances in the stands. Which made him both nervous and excited as well. But for now he was between practicing and hanging with his mates at the Winter Soiree, which happened to be Piers and Raihan for the moment.

"Wow. It's the end of the year already?," Leon asked at one point, "I can't believe that much time has passed since we first came to Pasio."

"You're only realizing that now?!," Raihan asked him in a teasing way.

"Hahaha! It's just starting to sink in now. We've been battling all sorts of other sync pairs and even Hop and Sonia came. So we haven't had much time to sit back and relax now that I think about it."

"Uh." Both men looked at him. "I hate ta break up the warm sentiment you've got goin' here, but we've still got to show everyone what we're made of. Right, Leo?"

Leon's face lit up and he nodded. "Right! Let's keep up the great work, Lads!"

"Oh uh...By the way-.." Raihan and Piers shared an amused look between them which confused Leon because he raised a brow. It was strange especially for Piers who didn't show much emotion all the time. Raihan chuckled before looking at Lee. "How was that kiss with Y/n?"

Leon paused...before his face lit up a pink and narrowed his eyes. "We didn't kiss! An-And even if we did i-it's none of your business! Besides you don't even know if we did-"

"Dude. Everyone knows. Haven't you noticed everyone's been looking at you?"

He did notice but he just assumed it was because he was a champion. "Yeah? And?"

"You have lipstick kiss marks all over your face, Mate!"

Leon froze, a record scratch going off in his mind. ".....WHAT!?"

The end of the month came and went after Christmas. After getting embarrassed at the Christmas party Leon did keep his promise and began to visit more between training for the Master's League until the day of the event arrived. You were woken early by Allister to escort him to the Pasio Star Arena where Bea took him off your hands and you joined Sonia and Hop to Spectate the rest of the event in the stadiums with hundreds of other people. Prince Lear made an announcement, did a few lines and announced the first pairs which was between someone called Ingo and a man called Grimsley. And you watched and followed all your friends and Galar trainers. You saw Bede. He made it all the way to the sixth round before being defeated by the Sinnoh Champion Cynthia. You will admit she was pretty powerful like Leon but Bede did put up a good fight. Marnie made it one round ahead of him before also being defeated in Round Seven by someone called Emmet. Around you people were cheering for both of them and awed when both were defeated. That's ok though. They gave it their best shot and that's all that matters. Gloria however made it to the third to last round before also meeting defeat by Cynthia's hands. Victor was defeated one round behind her to Raihan and Allister made it three rounds above Gloria before being bested by a gym leader named Misty. Defeated and defeating one another until people were dropping left and right until only the champions themselves were left. Champions Red from Kanto was defeated by Champion Lance fom Johto. Steven Stone from Hoenn was bested by Cynthia from Sinnoh. Iris lost to Diantha from Kalos. And Selene of Alola/Orange Islands lost to Leon, and then at the very end there was only two left. Champion Cynthia from Sinnoh and Champion Leon from Galar. Leon was rocking that Sygna Suit Nessa decided for him which you wouldn't lie, made him look absolutely handsome, and then the battle began. Which ended in a...Tie? Ok. No biggy. A twenty minute break was had before they battled again. And it was..another tie?...Ok. Let's try again. Fast forward to the end of the day and after three more tries the Prince declared that the two would share in the victory of the Master League Champion title. Ah. So the unbeatable Champion still retains his title. It was a bit of a blur after that. You remembered the after party where he wouldn't let go of you proudly wearing his own ring and receiving congrats from anyone and hugging you to his side, and then the next moment you were all on a cruise ship back home after saying goodbye to anyone. Arriving at Hulbury docks, getting on the train, going home. And then arriving at Wedgehurst to a whole group of people including everyone's families.

Leon was home. His home. Your Champion. His Y/n. Your Home. Everything. Both. Yours and his. The whole day was a magical blur. You remembered feeling Leon's happy tears fall onto your forehead and you cried as well still hanging onto each other like a pair of koalas in front of a your family and friendsbut you didn't care. By the time you two finally pulled apart the everyone began taking their own turns hugging each other and pushing you all towards the inevitable welcome back party Leon's Mother insisted on throwing for everyone, which was just a dinner with everyone celebrating but you didn't care. The entire time Leon holding onto you in one way or another or vise versa. It was all such a blur of a night. You remembered eating a little bit, panicking for a moment your boss would get angry you just left work to eat with Leon, giving the guys a hug, and just...talking. Just talking and being held by Leon who seemed to do nothing but smile and hold you the entire time...until it got dark. Like REALLY dark and really REALLY late into the night. By the time you realized it, you were already so tired but so happy. You couldn't remember any other time you cried so much or felt so happy it felt like the whole world was becoming whole again. All your focus on Leon and his focus on you so it was quick a shock when you were finding yourself standing in front of your house having been escorted none other than the man himself and having him convince you to go to sleep. Mrs. L and Mrs. G had insisted you should stay the night at theirs but you felt like sleeping in your own bed despite being so happy to see everyone again.

"Get some sleep," he spoke softly, forehead pressed against yours, a few happy tears falling down his face, and two soft hands holding your cheeks. Perfect smile on his features. "I wanna spend more time with ya too but it's late..and you're tired. Tomorrow I'll be back and I'll take you out to see some pretty flowering fields nearby. I promise you." Followed by another kiss to your forehead.

You did whine at the loss but your urge to sleep overtook any other emotion. So you stumbled your way inside after a few more moments. Silver and the Zen were both happy and anxious to see you after so long but sleep still won out over everything. You were already so exhausted you hardly even noticed you going through the routine of taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and getting into your favorite pair of fuzzy pjs before just collapsing into your bed. Eyelids heavy and darkness consuming you as you fell into a fast deep sleep. The darkness of your dream was interrupted however in the most strangest ways. Because you woke up. Or at least...you thought you did-

"At last...Thou haveth been found. Divine childe from thine differ plain of being.''

Cold..It was so cold. Like winter had come early and seeped into your blankets, except you weren't covered by anything except for the clothes on your back. And you weren't laying on any soft cozy mattress like when you first went to best. It felt..cold and glasslike the ground under you. Like you just decided to fall asleep on a giant pane of glass in the middle of winter. It was the cold that beckoned f/c eyes to open above you, shivering and teeth clattering together from the cold feeling. And what was above the young woman made her gasp at the holy sight above. It-...It was almost as if the universe itself was in front of you, swirling shades of purple and black swam before you in the shape of the galaxy with some invisible force holding it above you. Silence fading in and out as twinkling stars shown around you with the beautiful sight of the fully moon lighting it all. The moon looked so close and so far at the same time. What the-...Where were you? Were you dreaming? This felt too real to be just a dream. Were you seeing some kind of old game footage like the first time you arrived in this world??..Had you died? Is this the afterlife? No..No that wasn't it. Before you could get too far into your questioning, you slowly, body shaking and teeth now clattering together from how cold it was, stood on legs more wobbly than a newborn deer. Your hands came up to rub your arms in a failed attempt to warm you up looking around. Black...EVERYWHERE WAS BLACK!! Like eternal night other than the endless night stars and full moon above you. Nothing anywhere. Spinning in a complete circle, you still found yourself completely alone. Right. Alone. This MUST have been some crazy dream right?

"H-Hello?!," You called out tentatively finding your voice trembling and throat dry from the cold croaking. Like a creepy tunnel your voice echoed into the dark abyss. ...No answer came back to you. "I-I-Is an-nyone there!?"

Dead silence.

Ok. Obviously this wasn't a dream. This was a freaking NIGHTMARE!! You felt dread creeping in on you and you would've started panicking if it wasn't for a voice. One you thought you heard before, One so feeble and far you almost thought you had imagined it. Then you heard it again.

"This way.''

The words- That voice came from behind you and you snapped behind you seeing no one.

"H-HELLO!? HEY! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!? C-C-C-C'mon! Ju-Just s-s-show yourselves al-al-laread-dy!"

"This way," the voice repeated only now you were facing the direction it came from.

This person-..thing...It couldn't be serious right? Your mind was playing tricks on you surely!...But..you had no other choice but to follow it huh? Sigh. You sighed, looked around you one more time, again saw nothing, and then turned forward to behind walking. To be honest it felt like walking on a treadmill. Never leaving the place you stood except you didn't feel the ground move under your feet or the stars go past you, maybe your feet were just too cold. Then, after a short while of walking you saw it. A small dull light coming from in front of you. You grew more excited and your pace quickened. That was it! The exit! At this point you were all but running, excited to leave this place wherever it is was you were. You'd probably wake up once you reach the end. Boy Lee would think this one would be a doozy to hear. Probably get a laugh outta it too. The closer you got the more blinding the light became. Up until you had to close your eyes against the harsh glare. Still you continued on and while the light gave you hope it also took away your sight until with many blinks and your hands rubbing your eyelids, they slower adjusted to the light and it wasn't as bright as you initially thought it was. And your eyes blinked down once your leg bumped into something almost making you trip over and blink at it. Until your eyes fully adjusted. And widened as you realized you were staring at....Uh..Well you were staring at..The light was coming from...

A floating rectangle???

Yes. Before you floating just a foot above the ground was a stop sign sized rectangle that was glowing a white with a slight blue-green tint to it. Your f/c eyes followed it up to another one just like it. And then another. And another. And another. All one foot apart and starting to head upwards like some kind of stairs...Wait..WERE these stairs?? You kept staring at it totally bewildered-

"Up, Young One. Ascend."

You flinched. There it was. That voice again. It sounded male in gender and echoed both inside and outside your skull like a drumroll. Wait. Did that thing say up? You blinked at the apparent stairs again. It wanted you to go up? Seriously!? A long flight of stairs?! Your mind couldn't have dreamt up an elevator at least?...You sighed but followed the strange voice's instructions and began to climb the glowing staircase upwards. Step after step you took moving upwards in a seemingly never ending stairway of glowing floating rectangles. After a while you got to a point where you couldn't tell where you began or where it ended, as if you weren't even going anywhere again like when you were walking, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Er. Stairs I mean. Because when you looked up, you saw something at last that made you give pause once again. Upwards above you was a GIANT circular platform surrounded by faint purple lights resembling the aurora borealis. Was that where you were supposed to go? Looking around there was nothing and no where else to go. You couldn't even see the bottom of the stairs anymore as they faded into the darkness below. Guess there was only one way out of this mess. Looking back upwards you continued your climb all the way up until finally at last you were standing on the strange floating platform. The platform was about as big as half your standard large parking lot and strange circle patterns were glowing in it's floor. You stopped when you were about half way in the middle of it and looked around. And still nothing although you didn't feel so cold anymore now.

"HELLO!?," you hollered out again your voice echoing around as you looked around for any sign of life. "Hey! I'm here already! Where are you!? Show yourself!"

"Be Not Afraid!"

That voice again. Echoing. It sounded like it came from everywhere and no where at once leaving you looking any which way to find it. Up at the stairs. Down at your feet. Around and around at all sides seeing absolutely no one. Then it happened. Something blocked the light from you making you freeze as a long shadow fell over you. ...You felt yourself gulp feeling a VERY massive presence behind you eyes boring into the back of your skull. And then you slowly turned around. And you saw it. Irises shrinking and jaw dropping. White blinded your vision as red and green eyes bore down at you from four stories high and feet across. The thing a monster above you-

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Your body moved on it's own. Peddling backwards and making you crash onto your backside flashbacks of the giant corviknight when you first showed up flashing before your eyes. Making the giant pokemon blink and wince.

"I sayeth be not afraid."

"HOLY ARCEUS!!," You cried out staring at this...this..thing wide eyed scooting backwards and pointing at the thing towering over you. "What the heck are you!?"

"Oh..Thou hast already answered thine question," it answered you tilting it's head at you. "It hast taken me many a moon to find thee."

You paused. Staring at the giant thing in front of you like a goldfish before lowering it's head. "....What?"

It looked eye level at you now as if trying not to frighten you again. "Thoust tis gazing upon thy god of this realm."

God?...Wait. This thing was a god?? Not any god you could think of like Thor or Hercules. Wait. Did the pokemon franchise even have a god? Well there were legendary pokemon which were like demigods and the strongest among them was-....Was-...Your eyes widened more as a glass breaking sound went off in your head again and the thing chuckled at your expression.

"HOLY ARCEUS!!!"

"Thee one and only."

"I-...W-What the-" ARCEUS!? YOU WERE BLOODY TALKING TO THE ARCEUS!? "W-Wha-...How-...WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"

"I haveth summoned thee to correct the mistake of mine children."

"Wa-..Y-Y-Your children!?"

It nodded before lifting it's head back up and you stumble/wobbled back onto your foot. "I'm afraid the fault of thou's arrival to this plain of existence would be none other than my own children. Perhaps thou knowest thy children of time and space?"

You continued to stare at him before raising a brow. "Are-...A-Are you talking about Dialgia and Palkia?"

Arceus nodded. "Indeed."

"Wha-...H-How the heck?! What did they do to me!?"

"It seems that not too long ago now mine two children had gotten into a rather terrible spat. The worst one in nearly a millennia. Twas the fighting so passionate that they had opened up portals to your world. Resulting in many a person crossing over."

You still stared at him....before you scowled. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. WAIT A MINUTE!!" You pointed at him. "Are you telling me that the only reason I'm here is because I fell through a portal two legendary pokemon made!?"

Arceus looked a bit more embarrassed now. "When down to it..yes. Tis what happened. And thoust was not thee only one. I had toldest thine children to fix their mistake."

"....And did they?"

"Yes...Well. Mostly. I hast seen them mend the rifts and heal thine wounds towards one another but send back the humans they did not. Instead they deemed it worthy to bend space and time to thine will and make thee a part of thine new world."

Make you a part of this world-...THE ID CARD!! Your eyes widened as you realized. THE OLD BAG SONIA DISCOVERED AT THE CRASH SIGHT!! That was them!? It must've been them! That was the only way to explain it! Things were starting to make so much sense now.

"So Dialgia and Palkia fought and during that fight managed to open portals between this plain of existence that they exist and somewhere where they only exist in video games and anime?....That....actually makes sense in a really, really weird way. But that still doesn't explain why you're here."

"With mine children not doing so I hast taken it up in mineself to right thine wrongs and return thine human children to their rightful home."

Your eyes widened. "You can do that?"

He nodded. "I apologize on behalf on my children for thou's troubles and thee's wait for mine arrival. For there was a many humans which fell and I hadst to prioritized the ones who would cause more trouble than thou."

"You can...really send me back? Just how many were there!?"

"A plenty but do not be alarmed. Every human was sent back happily, some more forced than others. However thy childe is thy last to return home and thus thou shalt get to chose thy fate."

"You mean...I can chose whether I can leave or stay?"

"Correct. Thou hast shown bravery and compassion where others shant. I commend thee and thy good deeds. Therefore shalt get my reward here. Chose. Stay in this new world or return home from wince ye came."

You...could go back? You could go back home!? Back to your mother and old home and life. You could ...you could go and make a new life for yourself. You could leave and get your own life and job and chose your own college since you had the guts to never listen to her! And she still must be worried about you. And...that was your goal in the beginning r-right? To get back home. But...you did and have so much here. You had friends. A job. A home. Pets- Er. Pokemon. And you and Lee-...You'd have to start all over again if you went back, and Dialgia and Palkia made you an identity here. You now existed in both worlds. But you could only chose one.

"What...happens if I go back? T-T-To my old world."

"Nothing. It would be like if thou never left at all."

"Really?"

"Thou would be sent back to the exact time they disappeared. You'dst be wearing the clothes thou wore when you disappeared. Thou's age would be the same before you left. It would be if thou never ever even left for a second...But. Be warned. If thou shalt pick this path, you shall never be able to return here again. And everyone here shall forget you." Your brows shot up! "Every evidence of you even being here would fade away. Photos. Memories...Everything. Your friends would forget about you."

They ...Would forget you? All of them. The journey you made with your friends? The way you raised Silver? Leon and your feelings?

"W-What about my Mom?! In my own world I mean? W-What would happen to her?"

"Thine same scenario. In fact thoust hast been here for so long thy mother hast most likely forgotten as your existence hast most likely already faded from there as well. But fear not Human Child. It shalt all be fixed once I send ye back."

You stared at him. She....had already forgotten about you? But all of it would be fixed once he sent you back..If you decided to take him up on his offer to send you back. But would that be the best thing? Yes you missed her but...There was so much more here. And your world didn't have two families who loved you like their own or Smart Hop or always hungry Silver or ambitious Postwick twins....Or..Lee. ..It was decided. You inhaled a shaky breath stealing your nerves before looking back up at Arceus who still stayed ever patiently.

"Hast thou decided?"

You nodded. "I have. I-...I-I'd like to stay if that's possible."

"Art thou sure? I will only make this offer once and if thee choses to stay.." He shook his head. "Thine choice is final. I shalt not make this offer again nor will I send thee back to your old home. Think carefully before thou gives me their final answer."

"I'm already sure. And I'd like to stay."

"Tis that thine final answer?" You nodded and he hummed. "....So be it. As thou walkest onward upon thine own path, upon thee and upon this creation where thou now dwellest, I bestow my blessing. Take heed upon thine new life and tell not a soul of our meeting. Fair thee well, Human Childe Y/n of thy different world."

With that your vision began to fuzz and blur. The darkness shifted and spun around you like you were drunk and dizzy. Faster and faded everything spend up as the double vision of Arceus faded...And you woke up. Shot straight up from your cozy bed in your own little house in the dark. It....It must've still been night time! Leon walked you home only a few hours ago. After a moment you slowly laid yourself back down and stared at the ceiling for what must've been ten minutes or so processing what had just happened....Before you again smiled.

"...I'm home."

#a champion time for the heart #pokemon swsh #pokemon sword #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon shield #pokemon leon x reader #reader x leon #leon x reader #pokemon leon

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nathank77 · 6 months ago

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6/12/24

2:10 a.m Edited/Added to 2:17 a.m

So idk what to do about the brown stains. Maybe I'll wait until March and get my annual cleaning and get an estimate for the filling/sealant then. I mean it's easier. I can do chrest whitening strips in January...

I made my Instagram public again idk why. I thought Mike was lying about my face thinning out since losing weight but holy mother fuck you can see it especially in this one from December.

Omg I look so much better right now. I even noticed that my cheek touching Ray-Bans although they still do touch my cheeks they aren't as bad as they used to be bc my face thinned out! I mean they still do touch but they have more wiggle room.

Brayson reached out to me after I posted 500 amazing photos of my sexy self on fb and Instagram. Bro I know I'm hot but I mean why did the fact that I hear a voice make you friendzone me? I mean I met a girl who told me she had schizophrenia and I wasn't against dating her until day one she got me on the phone and started crying hysterically and then wanted me to call every night to say goodnight it was weird and clingy. And too much at the get go.

I mean when I think about it, I'm hot. And I know if I don't talk about the voice then I'm no longer labeled as crazy... yet it still exists. If I didn't tell you I hallucinate you'd have no fucking idea. Everytime I go to my Dr they mark on mychart if I'm alert. My presentation, etc. And if the patient is psychotic. It's normal they do it for everyone, every visit. And everytime I'm not labeled as psychotic. I'm labeled as alert, friendly, nice, polite. You'd never know.

So why can't I talk about it with you and have you see I'm still the same person. When I date you I'm friending you first. Imma be your bestie. Like we ain't gonna fuck. And if you can't handle being close and bonding and knowing things about me that are less than desirable we aren't going to work.

Not to mention my voice hearing experience will not affect you. It will only effect you in one way, I NEED tv on to sleep at a decent volume bc I'm hard of hearing and I have to drown it out to keep my sanity, that's it. I mean and I always need background noise on.... but I mean that's pretty normal.... Otherwise it'll never effect you other than you feeling bad for me. Other than that if we go hiking I'll just ask you to talk a lot... beyond that no sensory deprivation things cause like yea no. But I mean that's it.

Last time I talked to him I talked to him about the gym and didn't bring up the voice. I didn't bring it up but that's kinda my point. The voice doesn't make me do anything. I don't listen to it. I just hear stimuli that isn't here and I hate it. I drown it out. If you can't be my bestie and see me as exactly the same as I was before I started hearing a voice then we can't go there.

Feel bad for me, be there for me and beyond that just talk to me about the afterlife and what kind of bacon you like. But yea anyways I'll be single forever. I want to be loved completely. Regardless of what's in my pants or if I hear a voice. I want to be loved as the shattered mosaic I am.

Versus now I don't really have an adequate comparison tbh but wow. I don't want to go back to 200 pounds. I want to go 150 but I'll still love myself if I end up being 200 pounds.

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theendlessrambles · 1 year ago

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11/26/23

I have a counselors appointment the first of December. That was the soonest that could get me in. I've been waiting for about a month. I haven't skipped work, but I sleep a lot. My friends have helped a lot. After spending the night and seeing my family I saw my friends including the one who moved down from Canada. I haven't seen her in years. We all went shopping smoked and played games. We spent so much money haha we were all regretting it but we had a ton of fun.

Seeing Mya family was strange it was nice but my youngest brother is suffering clearly and they are rather sexist and racist. Mainly the boys. I spe t the night at my grandma's and the next day I went and saw my mom with my grandma, but she was busy doing work deposit us agreeing on that day to hang out cause she missed me. It was okay though and we watched half of Harriet Tubman. It was too long for us to watch since I need to go get Morgan and bring her back to my place. Thanksgiving went pretty well.

I broke up with my boyfriend. He didn't see me as a priority any more with college and his friends being his priority. It would t of been to bad if he wasn't so rude and disrespectful to me when we were together. He bought us tickets to a musical, Little Shop of Horrors. I was so excited but it did not go well. I phoned him when I broke up with him. I told him at noon I wanted to talk and he waited til he was heading to work to call me because he was playing video games with his friends. I dumped him and he told me it wasn't fair and he spoiled me with too much quality time in the beginning. I yelled at him a bit. I had been communicating how frustrated I was and he told me that this had come out of nowhere. He hasn't spoken to me since and I've messaged him about his things being returned. They may just become mine now. It's funny how you can see ones true colors after a break up. It sucks. I have his harmonica, a dnd book, and some of his clothes. I also had his gifts for what was going to be our 1 year anniversary and his Christmas gift. It was this build a bear I made him with a lavender scent in it cause it was his favorite. I was gonna put an audio of me saying I love you in it but since it was a pokemon stuffed animal I picked they wouldn't let me do to legalities so I put a heart beat in it instead. Pap claimed it right away but I'm making her wait til Christmas. In truth I wish I could still give it to him, but I don't think he would take it and I don't blame him. I want to hate him, but I don't. He just has a lot of growing up to do.

I'm thinking of moving out on my own. There's this abandoned church in sandusky and it doesn't look to bad. I think I'd like living in an old church. There's also this house across the street me and pap talked about moving in together, but I think I want to be alone. I think I just need to live by myself for awhile and figure things out. My only worry is my dog, phoebe, getting enough time and being let out. I honestly just have a lot to think about a lot to get through.

The war is still raging on. They aren't saying it's World War three, but we all know it is. Times are rough, those who hold the strings are all fighting with one another, and there's a genocide everyone knows about. It's pretty depressing. The climate is still not the best and there's talk of helping it by being extinct animals back. I don't know how those two connect. There's this think called Colosial Science and they are partnering up with some company down in Texas to bring back mammoths by 2028 for meat. They also mentioned Dodos too. I don't like the idea of it. I don't like the idea of cloning as a solution. I understand it to a point of saving us from extinction, but it feels off. Sometimes I think human downfall isn't to bad rather than scrambling to mess with nature more to ensure our survival. We have tried to remove ourselves so much from it until we surrender back into it I think we're all going to die. Maybe I'm just depressed. Who's to say why the mammoths are coming back, but one day I may be writing about it with a pack of its meat in the freezer.

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trmcfarlin · 2 years ago

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I started CrossFit on September 1. I was in a bad place and desperate for some stress relief.

I took pictures of myself every month to see if there was any body transformation. I had just competed in Triathlon Nationals and was feeling like I made it to the top in triathlon competition. Triathlons were no longer providing the same stress relief as they once did and I was tired of my shoulder having issues with the swim. Running was also becoming less and less fun. Lola wasn't able to run with me as much as she used to and I was tired of the pain from my bunion.

I tried 3 different CrossFit gyms and I loved all of them. My favorite was CrossFit Loop, 10 minutes from my home. The main reason I chose them is because of all of the class times they had available. They practically have a class every hour of the day.

This is what I looked like when I first tried to do a rope climb in September. It was so frustrating and I felt so weak. Everyone was trying to help me but I couldn't understand what I was supposed to do to get up there.

One of the reasons I keep going back to CrossFit is the huge gains that I get with the coaching and practice. I wasn't sure I was ever gonna learn to rope climb but I got good at it in 6 months.

It is scary to walk into a CrossFit gym for the first time. I felt inferior but the CrossFit culture is to welcome everyone. When you walk into a CrossFit facility, everyone has a smile and a nice thing to say to you. I walk into CrossFit gym after a long stressful day and am instantly greeted by friends. When I leave a CrossFit gym, I feel like I left all of the stresses in a sweat pile on the floor.

One thing I struggled with is the strength and flexibility to do lifts. I have been doing endurance sports my whole life and I realized I didn't have hip, shoulder, or ankle flexibility. Until I got the flexibility, I couldn't increase weight. I was finally able to do a back squat without falling over. It doesn't hurt my shoulder but I didn't have the balance to lock out my elbows and hold the bar over my head. I had to strengthen my back and core and work with some very patient coaches.

I started to notice muscle forming on my arms around October. I had been going to CrossFit about 5 times a week doing cardiovascular/respiratory endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, coordination, agility, balance, and accuracy.

I have seen many people that have been going to CrossFit for years but there are always newbies coming in. I have seen a few of them get addicted like me but many of them fall off the routine of doing CrossFit 5-6 times a week. There is a euphemism “You drink the Kool-Aid” of CrossFit. Basically, this means you're hooked. It means CrossFit is your thing. It means you love coming to CrossFit and beating yourself up. I definitely fall into this category.

I haven't hurt myself too bad in CrossFit. I definitely have a ton of soreness but the gym is huge on stretching and I believe that has saved me. I have only tore up my hand doing pullups and gave myself rope burn coming down from a rope climb. I had my 1st CrossFit competition on February 16th. It was a 3 week competition held every Friday. Open an accessible competition for anyone, regardless of skill or ability. Each week, you choose the version of the workout that’s right for your age and fitness level.

Some of the workouts are ridiculously hard but the coaches know how to break it down so that most people can complete them. I just did a workout where we had to do 100 burpee box jumpovers. That seemed impossible to me but the coach broke it down so that we do 40 seconds of jumping and 20 seconds of rest. There was one workout where I had to carry heavy sandbags back and forth through the parking lot. I was the only female in the group and one guy told me, "You are one tough chick! Most people don't show up for workouts like this." I was sore for a long time after that one.

On December 1, I hired a nutritionist. I felt like I needed help with the amount of nutrients I was taking in. With endurance sports, I needed a lot of carbohydrates, but CrossFit requires protein and fat too. I had a nutritionist for 4 months. I only lost about 8 pounds but I gained a ton of muscle. I was so happy when I was able to do a Split Jerk. The split jerk is the most difficult Olympic lift for most people. Out of the snatch, clean, and jerk, the split jerk is something that newer lifters have such a difficult time with. You actually have to split and move your feet forward and back, where as most of the times in Weightlifting the feet don’t move forward and much at all. Most lifters have a hard time transitioning from moving vertically in the dip and drive to splitting their feet forward and back. Keeping proper balance through this transition is extremely difficult.

I have been told that I picked up CrossFit very fast but I still feel doubtful of myself. I will sometimes be able to lift a ton of weight and then have to go back to a lower weight in the next week. There were a couple times that I had a partner and wasn't able to keep up with them, which was horribly embarrassing. No matter how good you get at something, someone is always better.

In March, right before we were supposed to go on our cruise, I signed up for CrossFit Festivus. Festivus is typically 4 WODs long with up to 1-2 hours between each WOD while you wait for the other divisions to finish their workouts. These breaks are just long enough to make your muscles cold, stiff, and tight between WODs, which can make each subsequent WOD increasingly difficult.

Festivus always happens twice a year at CrossFit Loop. It happens in October and April. I wasn't able to do it in October because it falls on the same weekend as Mountain Bike State. I felt like I needed to do it this time.

It wasn't looking like CrossFit Loop was going to get enough volunteers to hold the event. They were begging for more volunteers. Thankfully, a ton of volunteers showed up on the morning of Festivus so I was able to compete.

Camilla tried CrossFit with me and said she liked it. But, she has never been willing to go back and try it again. Carly and Lloyd have both come to watch me do CrossFit but neither of them have any interest in trying it.

One thing I really enjoy is talking to Connor about different weightlifting movements. We talk about the different movements and which ones are harder than others. I can't even come close to the amount of weight that he is lifting. Connor, Camilla, and Carly came to watch me at CrossFit Festivus. Connor helped me with the Deadlift. On a 3-minute Running Clock, we were to Establish a 3 Rep Max Bench Press. https://youtube.com/shorts/6YmQHl-O31A

The first workout was a 500 m Row, then as many reps of possible of 12 Kettlebell Deadlifts, 9 Russian Kettlebell Swings, 6 Kettlebell Thrusters in 6 minutes. I was proud of how fast I was able to row but the thrusters didn't go too well. I kept doing it wrong.

The next workout was a 7 minute time cap of 21-15-9 Wall Balls and Hang Power Snatch. I finished the workout in 6:57, only 3 seconds before the time cap. The power snatch was really difficult for me. I felt like I had no strength in my arms.

The last workout was 2 Rounds of 3 min every minute on the minute

Min 1 - :50 - Ring Rows Min 2 - :50 - Goblet Squats Min 3 - :50 - Line Facing Burpees

I did the best on this one because my coach was screaming at me, "Go faster! Go faster!" I finished 10th overall and wasn't even close to the podium. I still have a long way to go with CrossFit if I ever want to win anything.

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aqqleshiqqing-archive · 2 years ago

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(ASJAFHHK OKAY I'M FINALLY HERE. I'M SENDING FOR ALL THREE OF THEM SEPARATELY HEHEHE)

🏁 Hi Tom!! Hope you're having a good day! (beware the upcoming Christmas season💀) Okay I give you 6 and 13 from the causal takeover asks for you to answer!

And I have my own question: What do you think about this song? It reminded me of you and Jesse. I also think you should show it to her😆

(I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I DANCED IN MY ROOM ALONE AFTER SEEING YOU SPAM MY INBOX AJSKSHAJAJAKSKAK TYSM)

- Hi there, I was gonna say I'm currently having fun until you reminded me that December is right around the corner

Just kidding, I can hold myself down now. Say thanks to her for me :)

6. What made you head over heels for Jesse? What lit that spark for you?

- To be honest...? It was just her being her genuine self that really got to me. I was talking to her one day, I think I was talking about some of my interests since she asked me what I like to do. I felt that I should stop talking since I've been babbling for long minutes now, I apologized then said something like how it's probably hard to catch up with what I'm saying. I've gotten a bit more worried if people really cared about what I talk about lately. But to my surprise, she smiled at me, and said something like;

"I like listening to you, it's how I can get to know you more."

From that point, I started feeling uneasy. Maybe it's because I've never, or haven't heard someone say that to me for quite some time now and it's like a wave of water suddenly washing over your face and you're fazed? Something like that, but that uneasiness wasn't necessarily bad because it made me feel ticklish inside.

And since then, I couldn't help but anticipate for the next day she would come back to visit, because she wouldn't mind — no, heck, she would LOVE to know more about me. That anticipation slowly became admiration because I've started to think about her even when she's not there, then I would notice her little habits and quirks and suddenly — boom. It's more than just admiration now. I had a crush on her. Then the rest happened, and then to present. I still think about those days, honestly, she makes me smile a lot more now.

13. What’s something you know about Jesse that not others know about? Any secrets you wanna share? Come on, embarrass Jesse, it’s okay.

- Heh, I like this one. I have some to share :)

Ever since I expressed my interest for Ska, the next time we talked about it, she suddenly became more knowledgeable about it. I couldn't help but raise a brow at that. I jokingly told her "it's like you suddenly researched about it for me." and she looked a little nervous after that. Turns out that I was right, she did search about it after I talked about it. She just wanted to impress me, but I can't make fun of her, because I totally would've done the same.

Another was when she would come home from either her part time job, or university, she ALWAYS has something written on her hand. It will always have something to do with writing "T + J" or "Tom <3". She admitted that it's always her happy place when she looks at her hand whenever she's feeling stressed. She adapted habit this back at her elementary days, but it still continued on to this day. It's adorable, yeah but it also tells me that she needed to cope momentarily and I feel that I have to do something about it, whenever I see ink smudge on her left hand.

• What do you think about this song? It reminded me of you and Jesse. I also think you should show it to her 😆

Okay, I gave that song a good listen and, I...???

It's fantastic. There were so many parts where I couldn't help but widen my eyes because of how accurate it was. Also that Novemeber mention made me chuckle, just make it December and we're good to go.

The part where it went "Mine was wack, then I thought about you, felt alright.", why was that so accurate??? I smiled hard, because yeah! Pretty much! And the "did you call me baby?" is a good throwback to the whole T.omee Bear nickname thingy, it's like this song is written by me, except I didn't even know it existed!

I lent my earphone to Jesse before I typed this, she kept giggling and asking if I'm sure I did not write this. She totally loved the accuracy, good reccomend by the way!

This was very entertaining, thank you!

- 🏁

#(JIL TALKING. LOSING MY MIND IHTMDODJSKKFSJHFKSJFS THAY SONG;?:?;?;?;?;?;?;?;? PERFECT AMAZING PERFECTIOM HEART EYES HESRT EYES!!!!!!!!)#(THIS IS A GOOD SET OF QUESTIONS THANK YOU SO MUCJ)#♥️ tomjesse #f/ovember

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stonertransdad · 4 years ago

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Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

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naturallybelle · 3 years ago

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tea time! ☕🐸

Okay, so where to begin. I guess I'll start at the beginning, I was attending Indiana University (IU) in Bloomington and it was my freshman year. I ended up getting on Bumble to initially make friends but then started seeing some good looking people on there so decided I was looking for more than just friends. I matched with this guy named Daniel aka D.J. (and yes we're using real names) he was cool, we hung out a couple times, I didn't expect anything to come out of it other than sex. I wasn't really looking for anything too serious at that time anyway. So one night we chill at his place and we're drinking these juice flavored beers and one beer after another ... I'M DRUNK. things start getting sexual and he's falling in loooove with this 😽 (or at least that's how it came off) lmao. He kept talking about how he wanted to raw dog and me being drunk I'm just like do whatever you want because what's with all this talking? we were legit in the middle of effing and he's trying to have a full conversation. So he ends up taking the condom off and is in for about 5-10 seconds but gets paranoid and puts that same condom back on ... a minute later takes it back off to raw dog then puts it back on. FAST FORWARD

So after that night he starts acting very weird, this is maybe a week later and he's asking me all sorts of questions like is my period usually this late and how many people am I messing with. Just very strange. I reassured him that my periods had just started being regular because they used to be every 3 months and that I don't sleep with more than one person so that he was the only person that I was involved with. At the time I wasn't sure why he felt the need to randomly ask me all of these questions but as the days passed I started to get concerned as well. However, he was so scared that I was pregnant that he BLOCKED me. yes, that's right blocked me. I didn't really care until I ended up taking a pregnancy test which of course showed up as positive thennnn that's when I started freaking out. After finding a way to get in touch with him we decided to meet in person to talk more about what was happening. That didn't go too well, he tried convincing me to get an abortion and for some reason I felt really uncomfortable with the idea of doing that, so uncomfortable that I actually had a bit of a dark moment where I felt like hurting myself. An abortion wasn't an option for me. I decided I was going to keep her and gave him a choice to be involved, I said if you decide this is something you want to go through with... no walking out after. He agreed.

A COUPLE MONTHS DOWN THE LINE - SOMETIME IN DECEMBER

I ended up finding out he had a girlfriend, they weren't dating around the time me and him were sexually involved but I had brought her up in conversation because he would never answer my calls and would get back to me really late or not at all. Now when I brought her up it wasn't in a jealous way I simply mentioned that I found a girlfriend and was curious as to if that was the reason I would barley hear from him. Out of nowhere all hell breaks loose, he starts saying that I'm not pregnant with his child, that I'm trying to pin a baby on him, and that he wants a paternity test. Even went as far as to try to say I told him that I was messing with other people when we were sexually involved when I specifically said that I was not. I had agreed to doing a paternity test and then all of a sudden he didn't want one. I had nothing to hide and he didn't expect me to agree to doing the test. Also not to mention he didn't contribute not one thing, constantly had me stressed, and didn't give not one f#*% if I were gonna pin a baby on someone I think I would do that with someone I know is actually going to care, be involved, and keep me happy.

FAST FORWARD ⏩

I'm in my 3rd trimester and am coming up on my due date, I was told by my doctor that I was going to be scheduled to be induced which I notified him of. After our serious talk in December his attitude was a lot better and his communication was a lot better however he still never bought a thing for the baby. There was a time he LIED and said he did, but his lies were so bad. He still lived in Bloomington and I had moved back home to Indianapolis (same state different city, abt an hour and 30 minutes away). I asked him to get stuff and told him what was needed, why did he lie and say he bought the stuff but accidentally put his address instead of mine. Uhm sir, you have to enter a whole different city and zip code there's no way you didn't notice. Could've sent money or "re-ordered" the stuff but of course he didn't. SO anyways, I go in on May 20th to get induced and I was of course there the entire day but had some pain so I stayed off my phone. I delivered the next day in the afternoon and had really bad hemorrhaging. Needed 3 bags of blood because I had lost a lot. Finally after all of that I was able to hold my daughter and thought I should let him know that she was here. I go to call him no answer, so I text. Message didn't even deliver, this boy had blocked me. BLOCKED me after I told him I was going in to get induced. this ne**o waited 9 MONTHS Y'ALL. I tried reaching out to his girl Emily but she blocked me and months down the line I've tried contacting them via instagram which has of course gotten me nowhere. So it's been a year now and still nothing.

#natural #blm #naturallybelle #afro #naturalhair #newgrowth #naturalhairjourney #postbigchop #curls #curlyhair #twistout #naturalcurls #tea time #black tumblr

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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years ago

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'Apologies' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Apologies"

Chapter Summary : After spent some 'private moments' with Park, Bell is facing a nightmare......

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3300

------------------------------

This night......this night has certainely became one of the best nights I'm living since I left my coma, after I was finally able to see & found Park again after 3 years. It's.....something else.....something that I didn't experience for like, ages. I think that this moment were awaited a lot by the both of us for a very long time....3 years.....I don't know how we were able to resist this far but tonight, it was done. We realized that we couldn't wait anymore as we are always working around to stop Perseus and even if our fight is important, we needed to do this.

I could finally discover for the first time how she was looking behind all of those clothes and to say, she was the most amazing woman to be with. Helen Park, the british MI6 spy.....was the most beautiful woman I have seen in my entire life. She is so fucking incredible ! She has maybe did bad things on me by lying about my state but the most important thing now is that I'm believing in her, I'm loving her.....and I want to stay with her for an large part of my life, I want to dream of that and if I die while fighting Perseus, she would have been there for me on my way to my redemption.

We spent at least 2 hours, finally enjoying ourselves where we kissed each other, admiring the other for minutes before starting all over again. To say, we had sex and it was incredible, pretty amazing before we finally decided to rest after letting our emotions express themselves during this time. I preferred to stay with her, wanting to sleep with her in my arms. After what we did, did I really wanted to go back in my room and sleep alone ? Hell no !

Drinking was never one of my things in my life but here I am, in my office in the Lubyanka, just taking a sip from a little glass filled with scotch and at the same time, I was having a cigarette between my fingers in the hand I had my glass. I was dressed in the same uniform as before and as always without any jacket and the top button of my shirt was removed. I could seen that we were in December 1980, especially the 27th.

Zasha wasn't here to work and I was looking sad, giving a look to everything around me, trying to understand why and how I'm here. On my office, there were reports of Perseus talking about Greenlight and by the look of it, I did get on my nerves as there were remarks on some reports : 'MURDERER' with a arrow pointing to Perseus name, 'ASSHOLE' pointing at Kadivar's name and 'DOUCHEBAG' on a strange name....'Stitch'. There were an big question mark pointed to someone called Sonya but I don't know why.

I was going to put some scotch inside my glass before the red phone that was on my desk start to ring but instead of picking it up, I let it ring until it stopped as I took another drink. I thought that it was doen but then, the phone rang again and I reluctantly agree to pick it up.

"Grigoriev...." I muttered in a lazy voice.

"Thanks, god ! Grigoriev, you're here !" It was the voice of a woman, sounding relieved that I took the phone

"Portnova ?" I said, recognizing the voice.....Zasha's love. "Is there something wrong ?" I asked, keeping my voice lazy and....filled with alcohol.

"Yes, you need to come at Zed's place, they're having an panick attack !" She exclaimed, panicked.

"What ?" I raised my voice, getting up from my chair in an instant that goes behind me, hitting the wall.

"They need you real quick, they can't stop to think of you." She affirmed, her breath getting louder at the seconds.

"I'm coming as fast as I can !" I admitted before I hang up the phone.

I was starting to panick as I just learned that my best friend life was in danger before I took back control and act. I took a leather jacket that was on a coat hanger, grab my car keys and I immediately left my office, starting to run in the numerous Lubyanka hallways that was filled with guards at each corner to get to my car. They could have think that I was going crazy by seeing me running all around the place but I needed to save my friend. I even runned through the metals detectors, jumping between them as there were people in it.

I was too fast as the guards wanted to stop me because I did that before I finally reached my car and drove off the place to get to Zasha's appartment. I was really nervous on the wheel, getting myself angry each time something was blocking the way and after 5 longs minutes, I was able to arrive at the complex Zasha was living, parked my car in front of it before I runned straight inside. I get up the stairs in a lighting speed and then, I was at their door, knocking multiple times. The door finally opened after at least 3 louds knocks.

"Finally !" It was Portnova who opened the door, still breathing loudly.

"I made it as fast as possible." I exclaimed, letting me enter into the appartment and closing the door behind me. "Where's Zed ?" I asked clearly.

"In their bedroom." She replied and in a second, I started to walk rapidly towards their room and entering, discover Zasha on their bed, panicking and sweating, trying to catch their breath. "Zed !"

"Yirina....Yirina....Yirina." They started to move slowly, spreading their arms before I arrived next to them, taking them in my arms too.

"It's okay, I'm here." I affirmed, trying to recomfort them at my maximum, in my arms. "Stop panicking." I whispered, feeling them shaking.

"I can't, I can't." They then removed themselves from my arms, lying down on their bed as I decided to sit next to them, needing to control them.

"Where's Dedov ?" I asked, looking at the door as I didn't see him when I arrived in the appartment before I looked back to Zasha who were on the verge of crying. "Zed, where's Dedov ?" I asked again

"He left !" They replied and their voice they used broke me inside by hearing it. "I woke up this morning and to go wake him up like every day but he wasn't there."

"No....you can't be serious, right ?" I whispered.

"I looked everywhere : he left to me a letter saying he decided to left the country to go to England....to study at Oxford." They added, releasing a little tear from their right eye. "He want me to join him but Perseus is blocking me, he said that he had plans for me & Dedov. He left because of him too."

"Perseus...." I breathed, angered by this man name, clenching my left fist before I moved to clean up their tears as they started finally crying. "No....don't cry, please...." I then started to move to get them back in my arms.

"We're the bad guys, Yirina." They affirmed, crying in my shoudler. "Because of us, we have doomed Europe."

"No, Zed. We're gonna stop Perseus together !" I proclaimed, true in my words before I suddenly decided to move to get next to them on the bed, lying down on top of the blanket with them, starting to look at the ceilling. "How it's possible that I let myself stay in his organization instead of following a normal life ?"

"We could have fled for years....and we only think of it now." Zasha said as we were both our hands on our respectives chests.

"He lied to me for years and I just discovered it a week ago and instead of fleeing, I'm staying." Right now, we were both saying our own thoughts, realizing our own mistakes. "We're just now people that are trying to redeem themselves." I let myself my left hand between us, removing it from my chest. "We need to defect."

"You're right, we need to do this but we need a plan." They told before I could feel their right hand going on top of my left hand and I wasn't taken aback by that. "Yirina ?"

"Mmhm ?" I looked at them with an very small grin and they were doing the same.

"If Freya wasn't there for you....if I didn't had Portnova, I think that I would have been with you...." They admitted and I could only offer a smile even if I wasn't so sure of it.

"I don't know...." I breathed, biting my lips.

"It's....it's okay if you didn't have the same view on me but I wanted to share it with you." They added, giving me a good look.

"You're still my friend, Zed. I'm assuring you that." I smiled in return before I could feel something touching my legs, I looked at them to discover Beans, their cat, arriving slowly between us. "Hey, Beans !" I whispered, causing Beans to meow

"Come here, my little Beans." Zasha gently ordered, giving tap next to our joined hands and it meowed as he arrived to lay down exactly where they tapped. "That's a good cat." They said in a low voice, moving their hand to pat Beans head.

"It's good to see Beans recomforting you." I exclaimed as they were focused on Beans before I looked at them, putting my hand on their cheek, wanting to make them sure of something,

"Don't worry, we will get through this together !"

I suddenly woke up with a start in Park's bed, troubled by that memory I just had : seeing Zasha in a panick attack, giving me claims of what I told Freya during that memory in the Ural Mountains. We indeed stopped Perseus but....where's Zasha ? Where is Dedov ? Where is Portnova ? What happened between this date and the 13th of January 1981, the day Kadivar shot me on that airfield in Turkey ? They need to still be alive, they had to be and right now, I'm trying to find them all.

Currently, I wasn't feeling okay to go back to sleep right now. I awake at Park's sight, behind her as we were both naked....I could see a part of her back filled of some scars she has suffered back in North Korea, whipped and tortued. She explained it to me when I saw it for the first time and I was very touched by it. I was suddenly, feeling thirsty, needing to drink something. I decided to grab my clothes, putting only on me, my underwear, my bra and my shirt as it was more comfy. I checked the time very quickly : 4:10 AM.

I put them without making a noise, not wanting to awake Park who was sleeping peacefully and before leaving bed, I gave her behind her neck a little kiss and then, I slowly started to walk out of the room, knowing that I would be back in no time with her at her side. Quietly closing her door before I go down the stairs, only facing the silence that was invading the house but when I was down, I realized that someone was still up as the light in the kitchen was still turned on. I moved in it as I wanted to take a drink before I saw Sims, sitting on a chair, his pistol on the table and looking at it.

"Sims ?" I said, causing him to brutally move his head, been scared by my presence as I didn't make big noises to arrive in the room, he almost reached for his gun.

"Shit, you could have told me that it was you." He exclaimed, sounding scared as he was redressing himself on the chair. "I thought you were a viet-cong !"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were there." I replied, moving next to a cupboard to grab a bottle of water that Wolf showed to us when we arrived here "And no, I'm not a Viet-cong or someone from the NVA." I scoffed and I wanted to go but I was wondering something so I decided to sit on a chair "You're looking troubled, Sims."

"Oh me, I'm pretty good." He looked at me with an smile, trying to joke but he was faking it, something was betraying him....his eyes. "Well, no....still got PTSD from Vietnam." He added, giving me his real look : sad and troubled.

"So, that's why you're not in your room ?" I asked and he slowly nodded to me, biting his lips in the process.

"There's sometimes that I don't have them and some where I have them back." He replied, adding to his nodding. "Been 16 years I'm facing that and somehow, I'm still thinking how I'm still alive and not dead with some of my brothers-in-arms in Vietnam."

"That war has changed many people, Sims." I said, getting myself into something I barely do and know, knowing that my memories with my 'best friend' Russell Adler is fake. "I'm not saying that's the same thing but sometimes, there's moment when I think why I didn't left Perseus."

"What do you mean ?" He asked, curious

"I never believed in Perseus ideas...never...I hated to work with him and now, I'm realizing that stopping him is the only way to redeem myself of what I have done for him." I replied, breathing by telling him the truth as he didn't know that at all. "I'm not an fanatic ex-Perseus agent, just someone that want to do the good around her."

"And that's what you did : you're a good person, you helped us to get to Solovetsky and you're helping us again even after Adler did to you." He admitted. Inside of me, I was thinking that everyone in the West was seeing me as a good person and it was making me feel good. "I think you're not doing this for Adler but for yourself and for those you believe in."

"Exactly." I expressed before I opened the bottle to drink a large part of it before looking back at him, still having his eyes on me. "What ?" I asked, in a low voice.

"You know, I'm sorry to have kinda avoided you back at that time three years ago." He responded, referring to him, avoiding as much to talk to me. "At first, I just saw you as a russian girl running around with my memories along with Adler's ones before I realized that day where Lazar talked to me about you, explaining your kindness." He added, feeling sorry in his voice

"Thanks." I whispered.....before I start to see Lazar in my head...suddenly, I was feeling to be the one to be sorry for. "I'm sorry too !"

"For ?" He raised an eyebrow

"Laz'....." I sniffed, holding back my tears "I saw him like a brother....and that day in Cuba, I wasn't so fast to save him." I could see Sims getting troubled, hearing me. "I know that you two were best friends and I'm feeling so sorry to not be able to save him." He didn't say anything at me, just grinning a little as he was crossing his arms. "I'm so fucking sorry, Sims !"

"It's okay, Yirina." He breathed, giving me a little smile and nodding slowly. "It wasn't your fault."

"This is what I want to say to myself but I can't." I explained to him, Lazar's death is in my hands, I should have been faster...

"Hey !" He started, putting his arms on the table. "Don't blame yourself, I'm pretty sure that Lazar is surely happy about you now and your choices." He then start to laugh "I'm pretty sure that he's happy to see you with Park." By hearing this, I almost choked myself with the remaining water of the bottle....did he learn of it and how ?

"Uhm....." I looked away in shame, blushing and trying to hide it. "Me & Park, it's just...."

"Yirina...." He cut me straight, giving me a look that could say 'I know and you know' "It's been 3 years that I know that : Lazar unintentionally told me about it." He told me, sure of his answer. "And to say, during almost 1 hour, I heard you both from the floor, saying each other's name almost loudly." He added, laughing about it. Damn, I didn't thought that we were this loud.

"Well.....okay, we're together but you're keeping it a secret ?" I asked, giving him a serious look, he nodded. "If someone know outside of you and Adler, she's gonna get fired from the MI6....and I will kill you both." I said, almost joking at the end, to appease him before I wanted to know something. "Is Wolf....aware ?"

"No." He shook his head "He left before you two start your things : he had to go recover the remaining materials we need to work with at the other side of the city and to have some intels on someone."

"What about Adler ?" I asked as we didn't know of their status.

"He has arrived in Irak with Mason, Woods and some others person that will help them in tracking down Rabalwi." He replied, looking at a satellite phone posed on the kitchen counter. "They already started to work, it will take them at least 3-4 days and maybe 5-6 days for us against Duvall." He added, giving me the details of their side.

"And then, we're all back to West-Berlin...." I rolled my eyes at thinking of it. "Glad to say that I'm in the New Orleans."

"You got lucky that Adler put the three of us in the US, I think you would have killed him if you had to stay a single day with him." He scoffed, taking a breath about it. "I think you should go back with Park, you're looking tired."

"I didn't talk about my past." I joked but anyway, I start to get up from my chair, putting the empty bottle in the trash bin of the kitchen "For real, you're right, I'm tired." I said

"Enjoy the rest." He exclaimed, smiling at me but there were something strange,

"You're staying here ?" I asked, seeing him not moving at all from his chair, he nodded.

"I want to take sometimes to think." He responded, removing his arms from the table to get comfy on his chair, back at the same position I found him but not the same face as before. "Good night, Yirina."

"Good night, Sims." I whispered before I left the kitchen, leaving him alone but inside of me, I would have like to help him to get some sleep. Instead, he preferred to stay in the kitchen, wanting to think and I knew that it was better to leave him in his thoughts, maybe good.

I was still a little troubled to know more about who was Lawrence Sims, the man I was supposed to be 'best friend' and where we were making 'a hell of a team' as described by Adler himself in that 'Fracture Jaw' memory. I was able to make some amends with him about some events and some things and I think it went well for us. I go up the stairs to join back Park's room and I entered it to find that Park was now facing my direction I was. I quickly moved to join her back.

"Yirina...." She said in a very low voice, her eyes narrowed to the max.

"It's okay, I'm here" I told her as I put myself back in the bed with her. "I had a little nightmare, I just wanted to have a drink, that's all." I then put a little kiss on her forehead, causing her to smile before I took her in my arms, to give her some heat and recomfort, thinking of a lot of things.....

"Don't worry....we will get through this.....together !"

#black ops cold war #bocw #call of duty cold war #cod cw #cod black ops cold war #cod cold war #fanfic #fem!bell #helen park #lawrence sims #zasha smirnov #beans

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