#i told my social teacher about this show and one song in particular (day after judgement day)

[hershelwidget]

did i mention i like bob’s burgers

i have shown y’all a louise once i think(?) but that was it. and janice came absolutely out of nowhere for y’all

uhm anyways!! the family animated sitcom show ever <3

[heliads]

sorry to send in two requests but if you've got the time Luke Patterson x reader where she is his tutor for English or something and he develops a crush, so even when he understands the stuff she's teaching him he pretends to be confused so that the tutoring sessions last longer. And then one day he gets a good grade and she's proud of him but that means the sessions are over so he builds up the courage to ask her out? You can put this at the bottom of the list or not even write it because I know how swamped your requests get, but ily.

do not apologize for two requests!! my blog exists for you!! and jatp s2 may be dead but my feelings for that show are not. xoxo

masterlist

Luke Patterson is currently fighting a one-man war against his English class, and he is losing. Badly. This was not supposed to be his problem class, he was thinking the biggest struggle would be math or science, but surprise surprise, there’s no such thing as a class you can just skate through. He tried to skate through English. He tried really, really hard, but instead of Spark Notes-ing his way through whatever classic book they threw his way, Luke’s staring at a bright red D on his latest essay.

This would happen to be the most recent essay they were assigned, the one Luke pushed off until the last minute because he was too invested in getting some good songs down on paper. He hadn’t meant to procrastinate, he never does, it’s just that whenever Luke had a spare hour or two, it’s always far more tempting to head out to the studio and mess around with some chord progressions than to do homework.

This essay had gone just like all the other ones so far this year. The book had been assigned, the essay followed not soon after, and Luke told himself that he was going to start it on time for a change. The only problem was that he came home late that day after a shift at his job, so he couldn’t start it that day, and then he was studying for a test the next day, and after that he was working on songs. Before he knew it, it was the night before and he was speed writing to get everything down in time. Luke doesn’t even think he had time to proofread before turning in that mess.

So yeah, he shouldn’t really be surprised about this grade in particular. Still, he isn’t pleased about it. He doesn’t want to see the look on his parents’ face when he dodges another question about his grades, nor listen to all the other kids in his class talk about how easy that essay prompt was. Everything just makes him feel worse.

And, if Luke’s day couldn’t get any better, his English teacher pulls him aside after class to talk about it.

“I noticed your last few assignments haven’t been going as expected,” she says sympathetically, “is there anything you want to tell me about that?”

There’s a lot Luke wants to tell her, such as the fact that this class is dry as a saltine and twice as bland. They’ve spent the last few classes just going over social hierarchies around the time when the book was written, talk about boring. If Luke wanted to study history, he’d read a textbook.

He can’t say all that without damaging his final grade even more, though, so Luke plasters on a grin and does his best impression of an earnest student who’s just had a bad string of luck. “Not really, I’ve just been so busy recently that I didn’t have enough time to really ponder the prompt, you know?”

Usually, this is Luke’s best strategy for getting out of these kinds of nonsense conferences. He’ll whip out a few key words like ‘time commitments’ and whatnot and his teachers will fall for it every time.

He might have done this too often, though, because his teacher just nods and refuses to let him go. “That makes sense to me. Do you think it would help to spend a little more time exploring the prompt or connecting the book to the essay topics?”

“Sure,” Luke says vaguely. He’s only half paying attention; he just saw Reggie outside the door mouthing the words what did you do?? as dramatically as he could.

The teacher looks pleased by this. “That’s what I thought. I’ve gone ahead and signed you up for some tutoring sessions, you’ll start this afternoon after school.”

Luke blinks. “Wait, what?” Clearly, he hasn’t been paying attention nearly enough. Since when was tutoring on the table?

The teacher spreads her hands. “You need a little more help and organization to stay on track. Tutoring is the perfect answer to this.”

“Is it?” Luke asks feebly.

“Absolutely,” the teacher decides, and that’s that. Luke tries to wheedle his way out of it through repetition of how busy he is, like, all the time, but it doesn’t matter. She’s caught him in a half-lie and there’s nothing he can do to avoid it.

Reggie’s waiting for Luke outside the door when he finally leaves. “What happened in there?”

“Pure misery,” Luke groans, and contemplates giving himself a concussion by ‘accidentally’ falling down the stairs so he can go home without having to go to tutoring.

Unfortunately, Reggie enlists Alex in keeping Luke free of head trauma, and so he finds himself in an empty classroom later that afternoon, mournfully watching all of the other students leave the school with no doubt wonderful plans awaiting them.

Luke’s just starting to wonder if his tutor isn’t going to show up after all (after fifteen minutes, he’s legally allowed to leave, right) when someone slides into the seat in front of him.

“Sorry about being late,” they gasp, “I just found out I was doing this like ten minutes ago.”

Luke breaks his desolate stare out the window to glance at his tutor and instantly, he feels the crushing weight of shame bear down on him tenfold. It would have been one thing to have a total stranger be his tutor, someone Luke could avoid looking at in the hallways and never speak to again, but he knows this girl. More importantly, he’s thought she was cute for at least the last four years.

This is the worst case scenario, then. Y/N L/N is smart, she’s pretty, and judging by the fact that Luke always sees her in a group of friends laughing at her jokes, she’s funny, too. Definitely someone Luke would want to impress through gigs or shows instead of, say, his crumbling English grades.

“I’m Y/N,” she says, and Luke realizes that she’s probably been waiting for him to say something. Great, he can’t even introduce himself properly.

“Luke,” he answers, “but you probably knew that already.”

Y/N laughs, and judging by the slightly manic tone behind it, she’s just about as composed about the whole thing as he is. That makes him settle slightly in his chair, lowering his guard. “I was told that I would be tutoring you when I was trying to leave class. Ms. Brown pulled me aside when the bell rang and told me about it.”

“That makes two of us,” Luke grumbles.

The corners of Y/N’s lips quirk up before she manages to tamp them down again, and if Luke weren’t totally out of his mind, he might even say that Y/N has the same attitude towards their English teacher as he does. That would certainly make this whole tutoring experience a lot more interesting.

“So,” she says, clearing her throat in an attempt to sound official, “you wanted to talk about essay pointers, right?”

Luke starts to say something about how he didn’t want any of this, actually, but Y/N arches a brow and he relents. “Yeah, essay stuff. The last one didn’t go over too hot.”

Y/N tilts her head to the side, contemplating this. “Did you agree with her grading?”

“Yeah,” Luke admits, “she wasn’t wrong to mark me down, I kind of did it the night before in one sitting.”

Y/N frowns. “Really? Why’d you put it off so long? I thought you liked writing. Whenever I see you, you’re always jotting something down in that notebook of yours.”

Luke grins. “You’ve been watching me? That’s creepy, you know.” He’s obviously holding back a laugh, though, so the comment has no trace of a barb.

Y/N rolls her eyes, although her face looks a little hot at the moment. “Just answer the question.”

“Alright,” he says, hands raised in mock surrender, “you’re right, I do like writing.”

“Then why wait until the last minute to do the essay? I mean, I get not having a ton of time to work on assignments, but if you really do enjoy writing, it shouldn’t be all that bad, right?”

Luke groans. “ This is different. It’s not fun writing,” he tries to excuse himself.

It sounds bad even to him. Already, Luke can see how this is going to play out– she’ll laugh at him, maybe, say that someone who just got a grade like him can’t possibly be thinking about writing and fun in any way at all. She doesn’t, though. Instead, she nods and smiles at him. A real smile. Not mocking in any way.

“What is fun writing, then?” She asks.

Luke blinks in surprise. “Well, writing songs is fun, I guess,” he stammers, “stuff that actually matters, you know? All these essays are the exact same, but songs are all different. That’s why I care about them and not some pointless paper.”

Y/N nods. “That makes sense to me. So you release music, right?”

Luke isn’t sure where she’s going with this, but he’s perfectly happy to talk about music instead of that offensive red scribble all over his paper, so he plays along. “Yeah, me and my band. We try to, at least.”

“Have you ever gotten a review that bothered you? Not because they didn’t like it, but because they disliked your songs for the wrong reason? Like you had a whole story in mind for your album but the critics just ignored it?” She prompts him.

“Yeah,” Luke says, eyes widening with irritation, “Man, it’s so annoying. You go to all the trouble of writing out these ideas, and you make them have a really good meaning, too, and then it’s like they never read it at all. It makes me so mad sometimes, I want to write a column or something in response about how they totally missed my point.”

“Like, say, an argumentative essay about the real strengths of your chosen piece of writing?” Y/N says as casually as she can.

Luke’s about to argue and say that’s not like this at all, but on second thought, it is. It totally is. “Wait, you’re right. I never thought about it like that, but you’re right. Y/N L/N,” he decides on the spot, “I really like you.”

She grins back at him. “Luke Patterson, I like you too.”

That settles it for him. Luke had been annoyed at the thought of having to suffer through tutoring beforehand, but maybe he’ll be alright with it now. Y/N isn’t a part of the oppressive legion of teachers all conniving to make his life a living hell because he wants to be a musician instead of a doctor or a banker, she’s on his side. That makes it all better somehow.

And, unsurprisingly, it is better. Luke actually ends up having a really good time in his tutoring sessions with Y/N. They don’t feel like tutoring at all, more like a chance to hang out with a friend. They talk about Jane Austen and tell awesome jokes, read Shakespeare and spend more and more time together. Luke knows this is only a temporary thing until his grades get back up, but it’s too easy to forget that.

Until, one day, it isn’t. His English teacher hands back an essay with a bright red ‘A’ marked on the front, and tells him that she’s proud of all the progress he’s made so quickly. Instead of a sigh of relief, the only thing escaping Luke’s lips is a desolate sigh. After all, if Luke’s improved to this point, that kind of means his tutoring sessions will be over, right?

Y/N doesn’t know that, though. Y/N doesn’t have access to his grades. All she knows is what Luke tells her, and if informing her of his latest essay win means she’ll stop seeing him after school, why should Luke let slip a single syllable?

So, later that day, when Y/N asks him how the latest essay went, Luke shrugs and pretends to be disappointed. “I’d hoped for more,” he says, “she, uh, didn’t like my commentary.”

“Really?” Y/N questions, frowning slightly, “I thought you were really good at that.”

Luke’s eyes widen, caught in a lie. “Who knows with teachers, right?” He laughs weakly.

Y/N pretends to shudder. “I know, right? I feel like half of your grade is literally just how much she likes you. English classes are always so subjective.”

“Subjective?” Luke asks, grinning and propping his chin up on his hand, ��Tell me about that.”

Y/N laughs. “Only if you promise we’ll talk Jane Eyre immediately afterwards. Immediately.”

“I so swear,” Luke intones, holding up his right hand with all the solemnity of a president being sworn into office.

Y/N swats him on the shoulder with her notebook, but she obliges, and maybe they don’t talk about Jane immediately. Maybe they laugh a little longer than usual. And maybe, just maybe, Luke thinks that he’s perfectly fine with obscuring the truth if it means he can have more of this when he needs it the most.

The truth, unfortunately, has a habit of making itself heard regardless of who is inclined to hide it. Luke comes into their usual study spot in the library one day to see Y/N waiting for him, not already in her seat like normal but standing tentatively at the side.

He frowns, slinging his backpack down on the ground and pulling up a chair. “Everything alright? You look like you’re about to run. If you’ve got something planned, we can do this another day.”

Y/N shakes her head slightly. “No, I’m free all day.”

Luke gestures towards the table. “Then sit down, my legs are getting tired just looking at you. We’ve got stuff to study, don’t we?”

“Well, that’s what I was going to ask about,” Y/N says, “Ms. Brown stopped me after class today, said she had someone else she wanted me to tutor. I said I was already booked with you and she was confused. Apparently you’ve been doing just fine for quite some time.”

Luke feels his breath catch in his throat. This is not how he’d wanted Y/N to find out. For what must be the hundredth time this year, Luke sends out a silent curse to all meddlesome English teachers.

“Yeah,” he says as carefully as he can, “I have, but only because of your expert tutoring. It’s like antibiotics, you know? You don’t stop taking ‘em when you start feeling better, only when the prescription is over.”

Y/N blinks at him in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

He runs a hand through his hair, trying not to feel like everything is slipping out of control in an instant. “It was a simile, sorry. A bad one. All I mean is that we don’t have to stop this just because I got a good grade or two.”

Y/N almost looks like she’s smiling, but that could just be Luke being delusional. “I thought you didn’t want to do tutoring.”

“I didn’t at the start, but you’re different. We’re cool. We are cool, right?” Luke starts rambling more and more with each passing second, but he can’t help it. He’s overthinking everything. What if he’s literally just been a tutee this whole time, and she doesn’t think they’re friends at all?

Y/N stares at him a second longer, then takes a seat at last. “Luke Patterson, are you telling me that you like my company so much that you’re willing to keep going to extra English practice just to see me?”

Luke can feel his face heating up, but he does his best to ignore it. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds–” He still has a little bit of self control left, so he cuts himself off before he can make a truly terrible mistake.

Y/N catches him, though. “It sounds like what?”

“It sounds like I like you,” he admits, and Y/N’s smiling at him, so he decides to take the leap of faith and just do what he’s been wanting to do for quite some time. Since the start of this, actually. “And I do like you. I like you a lot. I might not need the tutoring anymore, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop seeing you. So what if we met up sometime soon? Not for English, for us.”

Luke decides that he likes Y/N’s smile more than anything. “Are you asking me out?” She says.

“I am,” he affirms. “Are you saying yes?”

“I am,” she repeats.

Suddenly, Luke feels like the luckiest kid of all. Maybe he does have to throw in a good word or two for meddlesome English teachers after all. Sometimes they have a way of connecting you with the best people in the world.

requested by @thatfangirl42, i hope you enjoy!

jatp tag list: @rogueanschel, @retvenkos, @callsign-scully, @lovesanimals0000, @amortensie

[nickrobinsondaily]

Nick Robinson Was Done Playing High School, Until He Met A Teacher

The actor opened up about voicing his opinions online, his celebrity crush, and shooting sex scenes with Kate Mara. By Isabel Jones

You could be forgiven for assuming Nick Robinson is years younger than his true age of 25. The actor has been playing high school students for a full decade, beginning with a four-season run on ABC Family sitcom Melissa & Joey and concluding (or so he hopes) with FX on Hulu miniseries A Teacher. 

In fact, Robinson vowed to end his journey as a perpetual teen after playing the eponymous Simon Spier in coming-of-age film Love, Simon. “I’ve graduated, hopefully,” he told Ellen DeGeneres in a 2018 interview, “and won’t be going back.”

Well, it wasn’t long before A Teacher nullified Robinson’s promise, returning him to the world of pep rallies and study sessions. 

“I hoped that no one would watch that interview where I said that I would never play high school again,” he tells me over Zoom with a laugh, looking rugged and definitely over-18 in an unpretentious 66˚North beanie and flannel shirt. “I'd made that ultimatum, and then I read the scripts for the series, and I met with [creator Hannah Fidell] and Kate [Mara], and I kind of went, ‘Shit, one more.’”

Robinson joins our call from British Columbia, where he’s currently filming miniseries Maid opposite Margaret Qualley. We delay the interview for 15 minutes so he can get a COVID-19 test — a process he must undergo three times a week while in production. He tells me he had a mild case of the virus earlier this year, back when he was living in Williamsburg and “doing a play.”

That ever-so-casually-noted “play” happens to be Aaron Sorkin’s adaptation of To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway, aka the “highest-grossing American play ever.” Judging by our 40 minutes together, 2,500 miles and a computer screen apart, Robinson doesn’t strike me as the type of actor who eagerly name-drops his prestigious projects or A-list co-stars. He greets me by name when he comes on screen — a simple act of courtesy that feels largely forgotten in a year marked by hate crimes and awkward interactions made from beneath face coverings. From his unfussy style to his nearly-dormant Instagram account, Robinson seems like an actor committed to just that: acting (and also maybe being a pleasant and approachable person). He takes questions and answers seriously (even when they’re about bagel toppings), pausing to find the perfect articulation for the words in his head. The celebrity of it all doesn’t appear to be on his radar.

On the rare occasions when he has updated his 1.5 million Instagram followers over the past few months, it’s been to encourage them to vote. 

“If there's a time to say something, it's now,” he tells me, his passion for the topic evident in the minutes-long monologue of sorts that follows. “To be honest, I feel like I should be doing more. There have been a million times where my finger has kind of hovered over ‘post’ or ‘share’ and not done it because there is this thing where people would be like, ‘Oh, just stick to acting, we don't need to hear your opinions,’ but fuck that.” 

With A Teacher, Robinson is able to participate in a project that not only highlights his acting skill, but furthers a conversation. He plays Eric, a high school student who has an affair with his teacher, Claire (Mara). Unlike many of the predecessors who have tread this same cinematic territory, the series is as dedicated to drawing the viewer into the illicit relationship as it is to immersing them in the brutal and enduring aftermath.

“The show does a little bit of a bait-and-switch on the audience, which is intentional,” Robinson explains. “It makes them complicit in Eric and Claire's relationship.” 

Ultimately, though, A Teacher’s stance on its subject matter is clear. “Everyone involved in this production took this story very seriously. It wasn't to make light of these kinds of relationships. It wasn't to glorify them. It really was to make a character study on what happens to these people after the headlines,” he says. “There are a lot of headlines, a lot of clickbait, and there’s not a lot of follow-up.” 

The role of Eric wasn’t an easy one to play, and the emotional toll was heavy. “That's something that I'm trying to get better at,” Robinson said of shrugging his character off at the end of the day. But this particular journey compelled him.  

“I was really interested in exploring how male survivors internalized this kind of trauma,” he says. “And oftentimes it's really suppressed for years.”

“The relationship is often used as a kind of social currency for the survivors. They're given high-fives and told ‘you're the man’ and all that. So, the push and pull of that, of wanting that to be true, but also dealing with some very complicated emotions internally, I think was what a lot of the second half of the show is about: Eric grappling with the reaction of his peers versus what he's actually feeling inside.” 

That said, Robinson’s research would be for naught if he and Mara didn’t have chemistry. Luckily, their connection was instant. 

Robinson extolled Mara’s “wicked sense of humor,” which came in handy during some of their more “intimate” scenes.

“You kind of have to laugh at some of those scenes when you're doing it,” he told me. “If you did a macro view it would just be two people with a bunch of burly grips around and camera operators and lights on you. So it's not actually an intimate experience.” 

Though Robinson’s still playing high school, the rules have changed. The laugh-tracks have fallen away and the happy endings once found at, say, the top of a ferris wheel, are just out of reach. His performance in A Teacher is a departure from a body of work that tends to skew “teen,” but it’s a defining one. 

Read on below as Robinson tells us his favorite “long and bad” joke, recounts his first kiss, and names his favorite Robert. 

What's the last thing you do before you fall asleep? 

Honestly, especially recently, the last thing before I do before I fall asleep is check the news and check social media. Probably not healthy. 

If nothing else, can we please just end this to change the news cycle? Because it's crazy-making. The whole thing is just, it's constant turnovers. I'd just like some peace and quiet.

The plotline of 2020 is really insane and implausible. It jumped the shark a long time ago.

Who’s your favorite villain?

Don Draper.

You see him as a villain?

I do. But that's the best part — most of the really good villains have some humanity and are maybe slightly ambiguous, but I think ultimately, yeah, he's a villain.

What was the first album you ever owned?

“Who Let the Dogs Out” is one of the first songs I really remember having playing, in like kindergarten, so I didn't buy it. But I had a portable CD player, which was really cool. And I had a Roy Orbison Greatest Hits CD that I liked a lot.

Do you still listen to that?

Sometimes. Yeah. I was also a big Elvis fan growing up. A lot of the oldies. And I do still listen to that, but there are  newer folks now that I prefer, I guess.

What's your favorite cheesy pickup line?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

A classic.

It's a classic. It's really the first one that popped into my head.

I'm going to assume you've never used it in real life?

Never.

If you ran for office, what would your slogan be?

I don't think I would ever run for office. It's not something that appeals to me, but I did see a good hat the other day that said “Make Orwell Fiction Again,” that I thought was kind of funny.

Name one place you've never been but have always wanted to go.

Vietnam, I would say, or Thailand. Southeast Asia generally. Egypt ... I'd like to go to North Africa as well sometime. A friend of mine shot a movie in Vietnam and fell in love with the country and it's been on my to-do list for a while.

Read the rest of the interview on Instyle

[ateezthings]

ATEEZ Reaction: S/O being really anxious

*Trigger warning*: DO NOT Read this if you’re uncomfortable with talks about mental health, anxiety, eating disorders and depression in particular or if you feel like this could trigger you in any way. Please take care of yourselves.

Angst

Gender neutral

Whining ahead: Since temporarily moving to Korea, my anxiety and depression have been through the roof and I don’t know how to fix it anymore. I don’t know anyone here and it feels like all the other international students have already made friends and I feel left out because I naturally take a really long time to warm up to people in order for me to feel comfortable around them. I’m scared of leaving my room and my anxiety levels are high constantly. I feel like I’m constantly watched and judged and I feel misplaced like I’ve never felt before to the point where I wish I didn’t wake up anymore. I don’t know what’s freaking me out exactly and I don’t know why I thought I could do this since I’ve had mental health issues for many years now. I know I have to endure this until I get back home again so I’m not suicidal but I’ve had a really hard time here. I’m scared of leaving my room to go eat because I’m scared my housemates are gonna judge me for whatever reason. This has gone to the point where I’ve starved myself for a whole day because I was too anxious to leave my room. I feel like every shop employee is judging me for everything. The uni where I’m studying is so huge and confusing and I’m scared of being the only foreigner in my classes. I feel like I’m going insane so I wanted to write this to distract me for a little while. Sorry that this is so angsty and dramatic but I had to get that off my chest.

Seonghwa

‚Seonghwa?‘ You’re voice was merely a whimper.

‚What’s wrong, baby?‘

‚It’s getting worse again, could you come over?‘

- He didn’t need to hear more

- you were sitting on the couch, eyes wide open with worry, fidgeting with your nails, when he arrived

- he immediately put his arms around you

- you could feel his warmth and his steady heartbeat

- after a few moments Seonghwa looked you in the eyes and told you to breath with him: in for 5 seconds, out for 7 seconds

- after that you were able to calm down a little bit

- you spent the rest of the evening cooking together

Hongjoong

Did you eat today, babe?

- This simple text from Hongjoong made your anxiety explode: right you haven’t eaten anything all day, you have to eat. But what? You didn’t want to go outside, not today. But you’re fridge was empty, what were you supposed to do? you needed to buy food bt you couldn’t leave the house because your anxiety was so bad today

- in the end you decided to lie to Hongjoong, you sent him a ‚sure‘ back

- he responded with a ‚don’t lie to me‘

- of course he knew you were lying, so he showed up at your place 20 mins later with some Tteokbokki and his cute smile

- after he greeted you with a sweet kiss, he got two plates and made you sit down at the table

‚You feeling better now?‘

‚A little‘ you smiled, it was nice knowing that someone cared

Yunho

- you were in class, supposed to be dividing up into groups when everyone around you was already in a group

- that was it for your anxiety: no one wants to work with you, what if it was something you said? What if they all secretly hate you and laugh about you behind your back, maybe you should just drop out, but what would you do then? Probably nothing, cause your mental health destroyed everything

- after about 5 minutes your teacher noticed you weren’t in a group so he just randomly put you in one

- you felt everyone staring at you, it was horrifying

- after that class you immediately went home

- Yunho knew something was up when you didn’t respond to his texts the whole day so he decided to drop by your place after his schedule

- you didn’t realize you missed him until he was standing in front of your apartment

- you told him how bad your anxiety was today and he listened to everything you had to say

‚These thoughts that you’re having are just thoughts you know? That’s not the whole reality. And also you’re not on this earth to please the people in your class… You know I love you right?‘

- the whole thing didn’t seem so severe after you talked it out with Yunho

Yeosang

- Yeosang knew the four character long password to your house and also to your room, he wanted to surprise you with his visit

- what he didn’t expect was to see you in fetal position on the floor, shaking and breathing unsteady, having a full on panic attack

- he dropped everything he was holding and tried to put you in a sitting position

‚Y/N? It’s going to be okay, I’m here alright? Can you breath with me?‘

- he made you take a few deep breaths with him

- after you had calmed down a bit you two cuddled in your bed, first he was the big spoon, after a while you requested to be the big spoon

- while you were cuddling you talked to him about what was making you so anxious

- at some point Yeosang wanted to show you some of his favorite calming songs (some of my personal favorites: Coldplay - O / Oktoba - Chance / Before you exit - clouds)

- listening to these songs and having him around made you feel more okay

San

- San asked you out to dinner in the morning, you panicked all day

- you knew he didn’t wanna cause any discomfort for you but it made you anxious: what if you couldn’t find the restaurant, what if you had to wait a long time for San and then people start looking at you, what should you order that you felt comfortable eating around so many people, oh god there would be a lot of people at the restaurant right? You felt extremely uncomfortable around that many people, what if San didn’t have time to walk you home and you had to walk home by yourself, what if there was a burglar waiting for you around the next corner, it surely would be dark outside when you two finished at the restaurant

- all those thoughts were running through your mind, it was overwhelming

- so you asked San if you could just cook something at your place and he obviously agreed, it was much more comfortable that way

- he brought all the ingredients for some pasta, which you both loved

- you spent the evening making a mess in the kitchen, kissing in front of the overflowing pot of pasta water and just making jokes

- a little later you told him about your anxiety

- San was a little shocked when you told him but he reassured you that you could always tell him when you were feeling anxious

Mingi

- it was a miracle you actually got out of bed today

- you told yourself you had to eat, starving yourself was not an option anymore, so you ventured out into the world

- you decided on buying some Kimbap from the convenience store, everything was fine

- until the shop assistant looked at what you were buying and then scanned you from top to bottom with his eyes

- was there anything wrong with your face? Did you look so depressed? They were definitely judging you

- you practically ran out of the shop after paying, heading straight home

- when you looked at yourself in the mirror at home you couldn’t see what the shop employee was staring at which only made your anxiety worse

- having a full fledged panic attack you somehow managed to call Mingi on his phone

‚Babe, are you okay?‘

‚No… I’m uh... having… a panic… attack‘

- honestly Mingi was really freaked out when you told him that

- after a moment he remembered you telling him that he could help you breath very deeply, you two had only faintly spoken about your anxiety and Mingi hadn’t witnessed you having a panic attack

‚Okay babe, now you need to breath very deeply with me okay? Breathe in…1…2…3…4…5 and out…1…2…3…4…5...6…7… Do it with me again!‘

- breathing deeply like that helped you regain control

- in the evening Mingi showed up at your place with some camomile tea and some lavender oil, apparently he read online that these things are supposed to feel you calm

- after that incident he was so sweet and thoughtful towards you, even more than he already was

Wooyoung

- it was a new semester at your new uni/school, this one was much bigger than your previous schools

- at one point you needed to print something important so you went looking for a printer, you knew it had to be on this floor somewhere

- after 30 mins of walking around the same floor you where completely freaked out, all the other people where staring at you like you were dumb or something, this was bad

- but you couldn’t ask people where the printer was because then they thought you were stupid and that also involved social interaction which you avoided at all costs

- so you hid in the toilets

- after panicking in there for about 10 mins you texted Wooyoung

- he replied: ‚I have a break in 15 minutes, meet me at the entrance‘

- he knew you needed help when you were anxious like that

- as soon as he met you he took your hand and guided you to the floor the printer was supposed to be on

- when he couldn’t find it, he just asked a student that was sitting in the hall

- for Wooyoung everything seemed so easy, you admired him for that and you told him that

‚Not at all, but I just freak out at different things, everyone has these moments.‘ and he gave you a little smile

- he invited you to dinner later, where you talked everything out, it really calmed you down

Jongho

(I love this look on him sm)

- you had to go to the embassy to take care of something

- problem was it was on the other side of the city and you had to change trains a bunch of times and also walk a bit and just the thought of getting lost made you sick with anxiety

- so you texted Jongho if he had some time to come with you

‚You’re lucky, we finish early today. Will be at your place in 1 hour‘

- knowing Jongho was gonna be with you eased your mind a little

- even if you got lost you had him, even if the people at the embassy looked at you weird, he was gonna be there with you to help you

- you were safe with him

- he held your hand all the way to the embassy and squeezed it occasionally when he noticed you got too into your anxious thoughts

[yvillegasvera18]

*Rhetoric as Narrative*

The critical questions that I will be examining are What is a narrative that is important to me or U.S. culture? What truths does it promote? What truths does it limit or ignore? What are the societal/ethical advantages and the disadvantages of this narrative?

To examine these questions, I chose an American YouTube channel Cocomelon as my rhetorical artifact. Cocomelon is all about educating children especially toddlers through nursery rhymes. The show narrates the important knowledge that a toddler should know from learning essentials like using the bathroom to learning how to make friends in school. The nursery rhymes use language and actions through the characters that function in a way to encourage the image of the stereotypical traditional family by representing the mother as a caregiver of the whole family from the father taking care of all the hard labor for the family. Children should be shown by parents through a lens of equality especially through early childhood education. 

Cocomelon has been both on Netflix and on YouTube for a couple of years now. Cocomelon has not been taken off of Top 10 on Netflix because children watch it a lot. Cocomelon is educational through nursery rhymes that children love to have on repeat. Learning how to do the potty dance, who to go to when they have an injury, to learning the wheels on the bus.  The main character of Cocomelon is J.J who is about two years old along with his older siblings Yoyo and Tomtom. Mommy and daddy are also a big part of the nursery rhymes that teach toddlers about eating healthy, loving your family, and staying safe. J.J also goes to daycare where he and his friends learn things such as primary colors and secondary colors, how to prepare for the first day of school, and how to be creative. There are also some songs that come from books, traditional nursery rhymes, and breakfast songs with his stuffed animals. 

Palczewski, Ice, and Fritch (2012) explain that narratives are knowledge that is taught to one another with morals. Whether these morals are right or wrong they are being influenced by everything around us. Palczewski, Ice, and Fritch (2012) state “Narratives create culture and community by teaching cultural values, explaining casualty and entertaining”. Through this Cocomelon is seen as a teaching cultural value by teaching children how to say their first words, their knowledge of important social skills they need for going to school and life in general. The values and morals that Cocomelon has projected through their videos. Their views on parental guidance and interactions with siblings along with interactions with friends. These influences are most targeted to these children watching and singing along to the songs. The most important part of early childhood education is being able to show them ethics and morals at an early age.

One of the narratives that are shown in Cocomelon is that it presents children with the stereotype that all mothers are all caregivers. When a child gets hurt they immediately go to their mommy. In the song “The Boo Boo Song” J.J, YoYo, and Tomtom get hurt and cry out to mom. In which they use the following phrase, “Mommy mommy make my boo boo better now”. This emphasizes that the mother is the only caregiver who can make everyone feel better. This limits the parental role where dad is not seen as a suitable person for the job where he could be perfectly capable of being able to address wounds also. Every child cries out to their mother but if one of them could have at least cried out to their father then it would show that Father is also someone who they can go to when they get hurt. The father is also portrayed as incapable of treating his own wound when he hit his thumb. Again this emphasizes the mother as the immediate caregiver of the family. 

Another narrative that is portrayed through Cocomelon is again showing that the mother is the immediate caregiver of the children in the family. Through the song “I want to be like mommy” Yoyo sings about how she wants to be like her mother. Yoyo sings “Look at the many things my mom can do she cares for me and you” she also proceeds to confirm that she can do it too by stating “Look at the many things my mom can do I can do it too!”. Yoyo is determined she wants to be like her mother by stating “I want to be a mommy like you and do the things that mommies do”. In the song the mother’s duties require getting the baby ready after waking up, feeding the baby, taking the baby a bath, putting the baby to sleep. Yoyo follows everything her mother does by using her doll and pretends that it is a baby. Yoyo is motivated to be just like her mother using many of the examples the mother is being the nurturing mother by taking care of her baby all day. In Yoyo mimicking the actions of the mother this is is the image that many other children are seeing through this song. Women are mothers who are supposed to attend to their children all day every day and they should be like their mothers. The mothers are portrayed as being gentle. caring, and love is being a mother.

 The last narrative that is portrayed through Cocomelon is the masculine qualities that fathers should have. Through the “My Daddy Song” J.J is being tucked into bed and he states “He helps me not to be afraid when he turns out the lights”. With this verse in particular it is emphasized how J.J says he’s not afraid because dads are tough and are not scared of anything such as turning off the lights at night. To a child that can be quite scary and in seeing this on a screen a child can understand that a father has no fears placing the stereotype that all men should be fearless. Furthermore, in the song, Tomtom states “He always takes us places like camping or on bikes”. These are outdoor activities that dads are supposed to do with their children. Out in the wild again, showing a tough and fearless image of a father. The last verse stood out to me the most because the mother states “He listens to my problems. He knows just what to do. He’s my biggest hero”. In this verse though, the mother gets a flat tire and calls father to tell him about the problem. He fixes the flat tire as she proceeds to call him her hero. This gives an image of only men being able to do the hard labor of changing a tire. This image shows that fathers have to do all the manual labor for his family. 

Although this narrative might be unproductive for toddlers to understand the roles of parents, overall Cocomelon is very productive when it comes to educating children on basic knowledge. A child knowing their alphabet, numbers, and understanding that vegetables should be eaten is productive. It helps parents with their children. However, there are a few lessons that a child could learn through this narrative and it’s that parenting roles have changed. Traditional parental roles require the mother to be a stay-at-home and care for the children along with taking care of the house. The father’s traditional role is to work and provide for the family along with taking care of the heavy lifting in the household. The disadvantage of still having this mindset is due to the changing roles in parenting. Mothers are more than capable of doing more than just taking care of children and fathers are more than capable of being able to take care of their own children. Fathers can help a child take care of a wound, they can feed their babies, and they can most definitely stay at home if they wanted to. These changes are important because children should know that either parent will be there for them. It’s unfortunate that some children grow up without one or both parents. That’s also something to look at too. Being inclusive although is not the best picture to paint. 

Hegde, R., & G. M., T. (2016) explains how narrative works with how teachers are able to teach their students from their knowledge how to tell stories and see how their students approach the world through these teachings. Through the experiment, the students were told to tell a story and questioned throughout it. The whole point was to see how organized and how well it flowed together. Hegde, R., & G. M., T. (2016) states, “The “truths” of narrative accounts are not in their faithful representations of a past world, but in the shifting connections, they forge among past, present, and future”. The way the students were able to tell their narratives allowed us to see how the teachers were doing with the knowledge they had learned. Just like teachers are meant to teach children toddlers are being taught through Cocomelon. Again through nursery rhymes children can learn the slightest thing which can also affect the way they see the world. When Cocomelon reflects their own values it also has an effect on those who watch their videos.

Cocomelon is taking over the televisions and parents’ phones. Children love Cocomelon because of its rhymes and ability to keep children entertained. This narrative that Cocomelon uses is very productive for educating children with life skills they should learn at an early age. Yet, it is excluding the parental roles and how they are changing. Society is changing with accepting the shift in traditional parenting. It would be best if that was shown to the children. Stereotyping is what we are trying to discourage and being able to teach children that first makes it easier for society to accept. 

  Cocomelon - Nursery Rhymes. (2019, Apr. 9) Boo Boo Song | CoComelon Nursery Rhymes & Kids Songs [Video]. Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YltYCrPZos

Cocomelon - Nursery Rhymes. (2020, May. 5) be Like Mommy | CoComelon Nursery Rhymes & Kids Songs [Video]. Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ypyksuijLs

Cocomelon - Nursery Rhymes. (2019, Jun. 11) Daddy Song | CoComelon Nursery Rhymes & Kids Songs [Video]. Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1QcEGDbnjI

Hegde, R., & G. M., T. (2016). Exploring Teachers’ Perceptions with the Narrative Inquiry Approach. Language in India, 16(7), 150–158.

Palczewski, C., Ice, R., Fritch, J. (2012). Narratives. In Rhetoric in Civic life (pp.117-146). State College, PA: Strata Publishing, Inc.

[taeguboi]

🔀Shuffle Game🔀 Request 01

Hey! Could u do 🔀 6 with Namjoon please? Thank u in advance :)

🔀 Drop a number + BTS member(s) in my ask box 🔀

Request: 6 + Namjoon Song: EIGHT by IU & Suga Theme: Angst // Lockdown

Fiction Masterlist

On Hold, Hold On

On hold. Every little thing is on hold. Plans, life… even love to an extent. On hold from work, on hold on the phone, on hold with your plans to move in with your boyfriend. So there you sit, same shit, different day, feeling increasingly distanced from the world as you knew it.

You used to get so frustrated at how there was never enough time to stop and contemplate life, but now… it’s scary how unaccomplished you feel, how you’ve barely achieved any of those goals you had as a teenager… That was nice, that age where you could make memories and carefully plan new ones…

Reminiscing and ignoring the world outside had become your mindset over the past couple of months, particularly over the past week in which you had been ignoring phone calls and not responding much to texts. A certain sense of fear had overcome you in a roundabout way to communicate with your boyfriend. It hurts more and more with every day that you can’t see him, so your brain seems to have gone into some sort of shut down mode whenever he reaches out to you.

Everything was planned out so perfectly. You had finally bagged a job you were happy in and a partner with whom you could share your best and worst moments. This has become the ultimate test, trying to break you with every second that passes. You’ve resorted to reruns of old tv shows that you used to watch with childhood and school friends, reading back on old diary entries of your college years and watching back on your old social media uploads of getting drunk or going on holiday or just being nuts for the sake of it.

This distance from your boyfriend feels like it is lasting forever with no end in sight. Some days you wake up and can’t even remember what he feels like to hug, the scent you would breathe in when in his arms… His voice is only just about a solid memory in your head. You’ve never been more disheartened in your life. Nothing is happening. You feel… so empty.

Without wanting to admit it to yourself, this is the time you need him the most… But you find that everything you do lately is just a sad attempt to push him away… Why?

Namjoon: Morning my lovely :)

Your heart continues to sink at the morning greeting presented in text, not in person. With every text he sends you, the more you’re longing to be by his side and so the more you try to distract yourself every time just so that it might hurt less.

You: Morning :)

Closed answers are often your responses to him as of late; you’re afraid of the conversations about your life and plans and all the rest. It’s getting too depressing now. You wince at the conversations about available houses or flats because there’s no signal that your time apart will end and it feels like your efforts on saving money up are wasted. You feel your heart beat faster every time on a phone call, he wants to look back on a particular time you had together because you’re devastated that that still can’t be you right now, living in the moment, making memories.

Namjoon: How are you?

You: Okay I guess. You?

You wonder how long it will take for him to notice your decrease in enthusiasm for the relationship that you’ve become to fearful to think about. You want to snap out of it, knowing how ridiculous it must seem to feel so fragile and delicate about life. But you can’t. All you want to do when you’re texting him is go do something else. Not because you don’t love him but because it hurts to love someone you can’t see.

Namjoon: I’m alright too, thanks. Wanna call?

You let out an exasperated sigh whilst lounging around on the couch, knowing that you can’t avoid this forever; you had rejected his suggestions to have a phone call for the past few days armed with one excuse or another.

You: Sure

The minute you answer his call, you vividly memorise everything you know about him. You think about his favourite spot in his house and how he’s probably sitting there right now just to talk to you with the book he was probably reading discarded at his side to have his attention on your voice.

“Hey” you utter.

“Hey sweetheart… it’s been a few days” he nervously chuckles from the other end of the line. 

“Yeah, I suppose it has… Sorry about that” you reply.

Yesterday you told him how much of a nightmare it was to get the weekly shop in as you scrambled your cupboard which barely held anything in there. The day before that you told him you were going for a long walk to embrace the nature when after you had sent that message, you just sat at home all day. The day before that… well it all goes similarly really. Different excuse, same reason.

“How are you doing? I mean, really. You seem a bit off lately” he says, making you feel low. Like you had already expected, you knew at some point he was going to pick up on your behaviour change.

You struggle to find a proper response, just babbling nervously about how busy you’ve managed to make your life.

“Oh, well you know how it is. You look for something to do, can’t find anything, then several things come at once” you lie. “Like buses” you jest to make light of the conversation, still feeling the need to keep up appearances.

Namjoon chuckles at your flustered reply. 

“It’s okay to be feeling a little down, y/n. Talk to me” he tells you. Wow, he really does know you well, you think to yourself. As far as you’re concerned, you hadn’t let out one clear signal that something is up, yet he just knows.

You let out a sigh to prepare yourself as you feel a pent up storm coming on.

“I’m just fed up I guess”

“I miss you too hun”

Those words bring a stinging sensation to your eyes. You miss him too, but you’ve been having a hard time admitting that out loud. All you’ve felt like you can do it hide from it all until this all blows over. Time is very powerful though.

“I hate this so badly” you admit, bringing your forehead into your hand before brushing back your hair in frustration. “I just wanted so badly to start a life with you and have our own place and… It’s been so long; it’s starting to feel like a wasted effort, what, with both our jobs on hold and only reduced pay as an income and that might not even hold out as long as this…”

“I know things aren’t quite working out as we had hoped but… we’ll get there soon, yeah?” he tries to assure you, but you’re feeling so pessimistic that you can’t seem to accept this.

“But we aren’t there now, as we should have been!” you exclaim almost with a sob. “Right now, we would have already found our perfect first place together and have all the time for us we could ever wish for… I feel so lost. It’s kind of rocking my world.”

“It’s not ideal, I know but… let’s not dwell on the present yeah? Let’s try to remain positive and take every day as it comes…”

“It’s not quite feeling that easy right now” you huff. “I just want to go back to when things felt simpler, you know. Okay, I mean, they weren’t simple but… How do I explain? It’s like having a more complicated life with important things to focus on actually made life easier. It certainly made it easier to live with my mind. I’m going nuts here Joon”

“We’re all on the same boat my lovely” he continues, still trying to sway you another way with your mental state. “We have to make the best out of a tough situation; the past will never come back to us, so we have to play the hand we’ve been dealt, you know?”

A part of you knows your boyfriend is speaking perfect sense. Another part of you still can’t shirk this feeling off though of hopelessness and feeling like you’re living a life without purpose or ambition. He’s got such a brilliant mind and his way with words is so amazing that he doubles up as a therapist as well as the best boyfriend you’ve ever had… Even his words of logic are making you pine for him even more.

“I guess I wish I had a winning card up my sleeve to cheat this thing” you sigh, using Namjoon’s little card analogy.

“We all have to lose before we win” he bluntly responds, being correct again.

“Don’t you just wish you could be like younger right now though? I bet none of the kids around here are exactly complaining that they don’t have to get dressed in clothes they despise every day to listen to teacher that talk about things they aren’t interested in…”

“Maybe you should also consider though that those kids do enjoy certain aspects of it all though, such as seeing their friends and going to their after school clubs… Everyone has something to miss right now.”

Maybe you are dwelling too much, playing the martyr or something. Everybody is experiencing the same dilemmas right now. Everybody else has been stopped from seeing people they love. Everybody has had to put their plans and their worlds on hold too… You never stopped to consider that there are also many people who have it a lot worse than you do.

“Am I being selfish Joon?” you question following your little epiphany.

“Of course not, dear! Sure, there are people a lot more directly affected right now, but… you haven’t experienced those things so this is allowed to be a big deal to you because this is the worst you know or can imagine”

Strangely, you found yourself feeling… better? Some aspects are starting to be put into perspective for you. Not everything, but it’s something.

“I just don’t want to look back on my time being this age as someone who was only fatigued and fed up… I think that’s why I do the dwelling on the past thing” you admit, opening up some more.

“And that’s exactly why we need to make the most of it… How about we start by thinking of ways we could do the things we used to do together without actually being together in person?”

“You mean just video call each other whilst we eat? Isn’t that a bit weird?” you laugh.

“Okay, maybe not that…” he hums. “But you know, maybe we could occasionally share what we’re up to… Maybe you could take me around the park the next time you go?”

It’s actually not a bad idea. Every time you’ve been out for your daily walk, if you do even go on one, you have always missed that element of conversation or just someone else’s presence around. A couple of days back actually, you had seen some wonderful things because of the time of year and wouldn’t it actually be so much better if you had someone to share that with?

“Hey, don’t put yourself down because you didn’t get to do something you wanted to… Whether that’s our plans to live together or that you didn’t do the laundry today.”

“Wait, how did you know I haven’t done that yet?” you giggle.

“Just an example, love… wild coincidence” he chuckles back. 

“Try not to let it get you down when sometimes you build something up only for it to be broken down my love… Live in the here and now so that you can look back on these times almost as fondly as you look back on before”

Your smile extends from cheek to cheek. It might take some healing, but you can do this; you have Namjoon.

A/N: Sorry if I didn’t quite capture the essence of the song... in my defence, it’s only been out for like 2 days haha. Hope everyone is keeping well x

Fiction Masterlist

[twohearts-hs]

‘I’ll Always Be Waiting’ - Shawn Mendes Imagine

Words: 3.4k

Pairing: Shawn Mendes x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: They were together throughout high school, but she had to break it due to their very separate plans. He couldn’t see her leave, so he asked her to make a promise...to meet again in five years. 

|| Masterlist in bio ||

-

They were the ‘it’ couple. Every one of the small high school knew exactly who this couple was. One of the reasons was the fact that they were together throughout the whole of high school, something that doesn’t happen often. It was all just gossip that surrounds the school, but generally, everyone knew that Shawn and Y/N would never break up. There was a saying with that, “I’ll do that when Shawn and Y/N break up” or “It’s just as impossible as the golden couple breaking up”. But, the two of them never focused their lives based on the subtle whispers that surround the school, they were in love and so they lived their lives in one big love bubble.

Shawn remembers the first time he set his eyes on the beauty of mystery. It was his grade ten year and she just moved from Victoria to Pickering. He remembers hanging with his mates as she walked out of the locker room. The beauty was in his first-period gym class. He did anything that day to grab her attention. It was aggravating, seeing her run, seeing her not pay attention. He tried in dodgeball to hit the walls hard to create a noise. He did everything. But, the shy beauty didn’t bat an eye to him.

It was an hour into class when he did something that till this day, he regrets. Y/N was talking to a friend, who was a boy, and Shawn decided to grab her attention once again, by hitting this boy. He didn’t like how he looked at her, like a piece of meat, when all she wanted was a humble conversation.

But, being his clumsy self, he hit her, “Oh my God, I am so sorry,” he rushed right towards her, as Y/N held her face. Tears hit her delicate eyes as Shawn stood in front of him.

“It’s ok, it is all part of the game,” she mumbled looking at the tall boy in front of her. He smiled, doing something so out of there.

He grabbed her hand gently and took it off her face. “You need to ice that,” he mumbled, “it looks painful,” she laughed, nodding.

“You have a powerful throw,” she told him, smiling so beautifully.

“Of course I do, look at these guns,” she laughed and instantly that laugh was the medicine needed to cure everything.

The two got close, him being in her science class. It started with them being partners in gym and him teaching her the rules to every game to her helping him with biology, chemistry and physics. Which created Y/N to go over to his house. Eventually, the two created a bond by October. By November they were a couple.

He was hilarious, she learnt right away, the humour too powerful for her to understand. But, he used that humour wherever he could, so he could hear that laugh of her’s. Their first date was a disaster. Y/N remembers that day so clearly. He invited her over for dinner. Shawn liked her so much that he was putting more than a hundred percent into it. He created a candlelit dinner and tried to cook Kraft dinner, as that was the only thing he could cook. The key word from that was ‘try’. He burnt it, as they were making out on the counter of the kitchen. Her legs were wrapped around his hips as his arms were on her hips. The makeout session was so hot that he burnt the pasta that sat in the pot, ready to go.

Before that, she laughed about how he was going to make her this absolute gourmet dish...when reality it was quite the opposite. Instead, she jumped off the counter, kissed his cheek and he watched as she made him dinner.

Y/N was so good at everything, she went into his pantry and grabbed a few boxes of pasta and went to the fridge and grabbing some things and made this gorgeous white sauce pasta. He was in awe...no he was in love.

Their night was so innocent, stolen kisses shared as he played her his guitar and makeout sessions out on the patio. His mother knew not to interrupt, so she left them to it.

Karen loves that girl, still does after they decided to split. She remembers meeting the future teacher and the minute she heard Y/N’s voice, she knew her son had to marry her, even though they were both 16. She was perfect. But, she did see something that she wishes she didn’t.

They were seventeen when she walked into them having sex. Karen walked in thinking her son was doing homework, when she really saw him on top of his girlfriend, under covers, completely naked. Shawn got all blushy and told his mum to get out. Y/N was not as embarrassed, but laughed, kissing her boyfriend as he rolled off.

“The moment is ruined,” he muttered. She laughed and got dressed and walked downstairs where she was welcomed to a lot of questions by Karen.

“I know you two are seventeen and responsible but-”

“Mum,” Shawn tried to interrupt, but she kept going on about protection.

“Karen, it's ok,” Y/N stated, sitting in the dining room and smiling, “I have an IUD,” she told her as Shawn was too embarrassed to mutter a word. “It's not our first rodeo, we’ve been doing this since we were sixteen,” she told her, grabbing a glass of water.

Karen still knew after that that she was still the one.

Y/N was the start for everything. She told Shawn to go onto YouTube and to write an album. She believed in him. She was also the muse for everything.

But, when he broke the news that he was going on tour again, but for longer and how many opportunities he has, Y/N had to break it with him. She knew the second album would be a hit and she knew that it was best if they took a break as he has the world in his hands and she has school in the U.K. to look forward too.

So, she asked Shawn right before the album dropped to meet her in the forest by her house. She sat on the rock by the small river trying to figure out the words to say. How do you break up with the love of your life? Y/N just turned eighteen, she was an adult, she had a future. Shawn was much more, he was making millions, had fans, doing what he loves. She was an obstacle, in her eyes.

Shawn thought that they were going to go on a date by the river, kiss a little, dance and be themselves. He brought her a rose like he normally did. But, when he saw his girlfriend sitting and watching the river, he knew something was wrong.

He held her hands as she looked down, playing with his fingers and trying to figure out the words.

“Shawn, you’re about to go away,” he knew where this was going to go, he shook his head violently, not wanting her to say the words she was going to say, “you have the whole world in front of you. You are travelling, you are singing, you are doing so much. I have to go to university and I think it is best—”

“No, no, Y/N. No, we can do this. You are going to the local university and I’ll be home soon. I have been looking at a place for us, baby, we are meant to be together. We are gonna get married, have kids,” he muttered, rambling his words.

“I got accepted to the university in London, Shawn,” she told him. He looked at her with a puzzled look.

“What? What university?” he was so confused.

“I did a scholarship thing just for giggles and I got accepted. I am going to be a writer, you are a musician. We are going two separate paths, Shawnie. We can’t be together anymore, honey. If we are supposed to be together forever, then we’ll see each other again, somewhere on our paths,” she stated, getting up and looking at him.

“Y/N, you can’t do this,” she shook her head, still holding his hand as she tried to let go.

“This is me breaking up with you, Shawn,” he looked at her with a blank look.

What ended up was Shawn muttered a sentence and it was impossible to not agree. “One more time, you and me, one more time. Then, five years from now, on this day, at this time, we are going to meet here and we will either be ready to be together or we learnt we aren't supposed to be together,” she agreed.

What they meant for “one more time” was bluntly sex. They were two horny teenagers after all. So they went to his car and had passionate car sex one more time. Then she was gone, and gone for a long time.

Y/N went on and moved to London where she studied her dream and became a journalist for ‘The Times’. Shawn sold out stadiums after stadiums. But, after that night they never talked again.

Shawn went home in tears, first heartbreak and hopefully last. Karen knew that this wasn’t the end of them, but she had to let her son feel what this felt like, learn from it and move on with someone else for the time being.

He did the tour, he took a break and wrote his third album, which was all about her. He unadded her from every social media, he couldn’t bear looking at her summer adventures or spring break trips. Brian would show some pictures, but he’d be in a bad mood for the rest of night, as Y/N would be with another man in the picture. He was territorial when it came to things that are his and this was one situation.

He lived as though Y/N never existed. He fucked girls one after another and she was nowhere to be seen. One moment she was in London, according to Facebook on Brian’s phone, then she was in Barcelona, then Ibiza, etc.; she was unpredictable.

The minute his third album came out, she knew that it was mostly based on her, just like how the few songs on the last one were about her too. The roses on the album cover were because her favourite flower was a rose. ‘Nervous’ was how he stalked this one café because she used to study there. ‘Fallin’ All In You’ was about their relationship and ‘Particular Taste’. ‘When You’re Ready’ hit her hard, the moment she heard it on the radio in her London flat, that was when it clicked, the whole album, besides a few songs were based on her. And all she can say is, “How dare you?”

Y/N knew she would regret this. She knew it, she knew that this was wrong, but she had to. After how many years that they were apart, she was mad at him for the first time. Her innocent teenage self wasn’t there anymore. She had to go through a heartbreak as well, she had to go through money problems and backstabbing friends. She lived, she dealt and fuck she was placed in therapy after what happened with her ex after Shawn.

When Y/N first went to the U.K., she met a really nice businessman who she fell in love with over a course of a few years. But, he was a manipulator and narcissistic bitch. There wasn’t much good in their year and a half relationship, just emotional abuse and manipulation. It really affected her, mentally, emotionally, she wasn’t herself anymore. She was a healing mess.

But, hearing the album from Shawn and the few songs from his second that he added before the album was released, she couldn’t believe him. He pretends that she doesn’t exist, but then sings about her where the world is left wondering, “Who hurt the Shawn Mendes?”

So, her best friend and she went to his concert where he performed the songs he wrote about her. Y/N stood in her spot watching him prance around the stage with his guitar, a smile upon his still beautiful features, yet heartbroken eyes. He couldn’t see her, she made sure that was on purpose. She was far away, but he was so proud about everything and she felt like her seventeen-year-old self once again, blinded by love and admiration.

But, it was the small things she picked up. The screen showing flowers and outlines of a female who looked very similar to her. The rose was her favourite flower when they first met. Shawn used to bring a rose to her on every date. The rose burned on the screen and she knew right then that this was about her.

Y/N left the concert, almost regretting her decision so long ago. She needed a drink and she needed one bad. Her friend left her, saying she had to go home to her fiancé, so Y/N was left to her own misery in the small dimly lit pub.

A half an hour later a sound went off, signally someone came in. She didn’t turn, she just nursed the whiskey in her hand as she stared at it. But, a figure sat next to her. She knew who it was before she looked. She knew the energy, the smell, the feeling. He sat next to her and he had no idea.

“A beer,” he muttered, looking up at the bartender. This was when she had a burst of confidence.

“Perfectly Wrong, When You’re Ready, Particular Taste, Nervous, Ruin, I can go on,” she muttered. He knew the voice right away. His head darted next to himself to the figure he loved so much.

He stared, as she looked up and lined eyes. “Why? Why did you write about me?” she asked, taking a sip from the liquor.

“You’re here,” he muttered, just staring at her. Y/N changed, she truly changed, he noticed.

“I am. I went to school here, I work here, live here, so I am here. Why are you here?” she asked, he couldn’t figure out the words.

“What happened to you?” she laughed, ordering another one and turning herself.

“Not everyone becomes a global superstar and makes millions and is liked by everyone,” she told him. She was so cold, so off, so broken; she hated the world at the moment and he wondered why.

“Right,” he laughed, as he just looked at her with awe, “You are so gorgeous,” he muttered. She laughed.

“Still your charming self, I see. At least one of us is happy,” she told me. He shook his head, running his hands through his hair.

“No, no, Y/N, I am not happy. I haven’t been happy since we broke up,” she shook her head.

“You have two years until we meet again, become happy, find someone,” she said as she left a few pounds on the counter and grabbed her coat.

“Stop,” he said, grabbing her hand and looked at her, “You said that if we are meant to be, our paths would cross. Our paths are crossing right now, honey, they’re fucking crossing,” she shook her head.

“I just got out of a relationship, Shawn. Give me two years and I will see if I am ready,” she said and he shook his head.

“I am ready, I am so ready, baby,” she shook her head.

“But, I am not. You said in your song that you’ll wait, please, just do that for now,” she told him, “I’ll be ready, just give me time. Good concert by the way,” she told me as she waved and left.

She left so fast as she appeared. Y/N was gone again, he lost her again and he didn’t know if he could wait again.

-

Two years felt like forever, at least for him. He wrote many more songs about her and after a while, she realised that she shouldn’t hate that, he’s still waiting for her. She got over demons and issues and moved back home. She moved to Toronto because she was ready. Her apartment was cute, she went back to school and begin getting an education degree, as she loves to write, but she wants to teach children more.

That was what Shawn loved about her, she wanted to teach everyone. She wanted to be a guide and a teacher and a healer. Her broken heart learned to heal itself but still wondered what happened when she got hurt from her ex. But, she knew Shawn was waiting for her and nobody else was. That was the perfect thing about him, he loved her more than life itself and fuck, she loved him more than the moon and Earth.

So, she went to Toronto, she went to the local university, so when that five-year mark came, he can travel, she could learn and they could be happy.

Of course, the universe loves to tease her. The minute she stepped into the familiar city, he was everywhere, whether it was on bulletin board or actual physical self.

She remembers when she saw him across the street one day, she laughed and still waited. Y/N didn’t want to be creepy, she wanted their paths to cross again, to fulfil each other’s promise. They are waiting for each other and the universe works in wonderful ways to make them cross.

They had 3 months left, she has been in the city for a year. It was a cold fall morning, walking into the café and setting everything up. She loved this little place, she loved watching people interact, learn, talk, fall in love. Another thing Shawn loves about her, she was in love with the world itself. Her hands were numb from the Canadian cold and were regaining it’s feeling when she turned the kettle on.

The bell rang, she looked up, seven in the morning. She wondered who would be there.

Shawn shivered from the cold as he entered the local café close to the studio. It was early, too early for him. He prefers the duvet of his bed and warm apartment than the cold fall morning on a Monday.

Y/N came around the corner, a smile upon her face, messy ponytail and cute sweater. This was her, this was the woman he fell in love with all those years ago. The girl in the London pub wasn’t her, this was her.

“Hi,” she muttered, a wider smile came to her face. He just stared in awe.

“You’re here,” he muttered, nerves taking him, “you’re in Toronto. What the fuck are you doing here?” she laughed, loved how confused he was/

“I came back,” she told him from across the counter, he nodded, hands coming out of his pocket and running through his hair; a nervous tick. “Three months,” she muttered.

“What?” he asked, still not believing she was right in front of him.

“Three months till the river. But, I set a rule that if our paths—”

“Crossed than we are really meant to be,” he finished.

“This is our path crossing, Shawnie,” she told him, using the nickname.

“Yeah, it really is,” he smiled, laughing. Y/N came behind the counter towards him.

“I’m ready when you are,” she told him, “you are travelling the world, I am going to the local university studying education, there’s a cute apart-”

She was interrupted by his lips on hers, a passionate kiss shared between them. Y/N smiled into the kiss, grabbing his curls as they rocked back and forth, pulling away and hugging each other and little tears are shared between them.

“Thank you for waiting,” she told him, pulling away.

“Marry me?” he muttered out, she laughed.

“One day, mister, one day,” she told him, grabbing his cheeks and kissing his lips, “I am not going anywhere hun.”

-

Tag list - comment, DM, inbox to be added/removed :)

@alinashawn @mendesnecessary @claredolphinbear24 @notunlimited @harrysahottie @ashwarren32 @iimagineloves @i-am-bisexual-and-a-girl @purple-cream-cheese @shawns-mendess @lilya-petrichor @laggyphone @winchesterwife27 @neverlandqueen15 @kissme-hs

[matildainmotion]

Making Waves by Sophie Lovett

Mothers Who Make’s is hosting a series of guest bloggers, to celebrate and give space for the diverse views and voices within our movement. I am delighted to introduce our first of these: please read on for the Question of the Month, as posed by home-educating mother of two, writer and activist, and MWM Hub co-ordinator for Exeter, Sophie Lovett.

Before you read this post I feel that I should apologise: in case you disagree with me, in case what I’ve written is too much, in case it offends you. But this is Mothers Who Make, and we don’t apologise here for showing up as our whole selves, so instead I will take a deep breath and begin.

This has been a tough year. A tough year after a tough decade. One which, on a personal level, has been filled with many moments of joy – but where the weight of the world has pressed ever harder on my shoulders.

We’ve never lived through a pandemic before.

It’s brought out the best in us, and the worst. It’s brought us closer together, and deepened the divisions in values and circumstance that are tearing our society apart. And it has made the priorities of our government - to put profits above people – very, very clear.

This neoliberal agenda has its roots way back in the 20th century, and over the years we have pretty much come to take it for granted. Notions of unrestrained economic growth, wealth which is available to everyone if they just work hard enough, and the promise of freedom which is earnt by playing by the rules of society - alongside a reality of gaping gaps between rich and poor both on a domestic and international level. In many ways the Coronavirus pandemic has provided precisely the kind of crisis that the neoliberal elite love: an overwhelming distraction that they can use to impose more unpopular policies, accusing people of being unpatriotic or even undemocratic if they oppose them.

Yet it has also sowed the seeds of something new. Off the back of years of campaigning from environmental and social justice organisations, many more people are beginning to realise that the future could perhaps look very different. That the planet cannot handle this unfettered capitalism for much longer – and neither, given the explosion in mental health issues even before the challenges inflicted by 2020, can we. That there might be different ways of living that could be more fulfilling for us and our children, whilst at the same time starting to reverse the destruction we have wreaked on the global ecosystem.

And this – this imagining of a different world – is making some people very uncomfortable.

In England, the government released guidance last week which told teachers not to use resources from any organisation which has advocated abolishing capitalism – even if the materials themselves did not express such a view – as it would imply support for an “extreme political stance” on a par with racism and opposition to freedom of speech. Aside from the obvious hypocrisy of a statement which alienates many anti-racism campaigners and seeks to silence the voices of those who might want to legitimately challenge the status quo, this is a sign to me that they know their power is waning. The neoliberal story is coming apart at the seams, and a new narrative is taking shape which could take things in a very different direction.

As actors in that narrative we have a choice to make about the future that we want to see. And as mothers – and especially as mother makers – we hold in our hands a huge amount of power to shape the world our children will grow up into.

It might not always feel that way.

One of the most effective strategies of neoliberal capitalism is to convince us that we are not enough. That we are deficient in a myriad of different ways, and powerless to take control. It makes us the perfect consumers – hungry for the things we can buy to improve ourselves and make life better for us and our families. And if we can’t buy them – if we are part of the huge swathe of the population struggling to even afford the basics we need to live – we are taught that it is our fault, that we’re just not trying hard enough.

In motherhood especially this can lead to a real sense of disempowerment – a lack of trust in ourselves and our ability to provide for our children. There is so much that is marketed to that desire to give our children the very best start in life: elaborate toys, sleep training programmes, gorgeous clothes, endless baby classes. It plays into the competitiveness which fuels the capitalist fire, the fear of being left behind. It sells us baby walkers (and mini trainers) to get those little people up on their feet as soon as we can, electronic learning games for toddlers in the hope that they’ll know their ABCs before they start preschool, tutors to help seven year olds pass their SATs with flying colours. It rushes us back into the workplace before we’re really ready, no matter that our salary barely pays the childcare fees. It tells us that teachers know our children better than we do, that school is the only place they can get an education, and that compliance with authority is the most important lesson they can learn.

None of this is bad in and of itself – if it works for you then that’s awesome. But if it doesn’t, if the treadmill is making you tired and you’re fed up of searching for the next best thing then stop. Breathe. And work out what it is you truly need.

Our role as mothers may be woefully undervalued by the capitalist system, but we do have the power to choose where we focus our energies, to withdraw our consent from expectations that we disagree with, to challenge the assumptions around the status of mothers (and children) in wider society.

We can choose to raise our children with principles we believe in, to communicate messages to them that deviate from those which dominate the mainstream, to be their allies and their advocates instead of colluding in their oppression.  

And, little by little, we can build a kinder, more inclusive world – one where everyone has value.

If as mothers we hold the future of the planet in each act of care we carry out for our children, as mother makers we are doubly powerful in our ability to reach beyond our inner circle and inspire through the particular capacity of art of all kinds to reshape the narrative and reimagine what is possible.

Creatives are uniquely placed to lead the revolution – and this is I believe a significant reason why the UK government shows such disdain and disregard for the arts and creative industries.  

Just as Media Studies is decried as a ‘mickey mouse’ subject because it directly exposes the techniques the government and their allies use to manipulate the opinions of the population, the Arts in schools are sidelined because they nurture exactly the kind of creativity and independent thought that can be used to challenge the status quo.

It starts in the Early Years, when days that should be dedicated to open ended play are instead filled up with increasingly formal literacy and numeracy, and can be seen right through the education system: ten year olds spending whole terms doing nothing but exam preparation, teenagers being told they can’t study the creative subjects they’d prefer because they don’t fill the right assessment bucket. And it continues in the world outside, as the government response to the impact of Covid has shown so starkly.

Our art is important. Our making is important. It holds a mirror up to the present and shows how life could be, it inspires, it sustains – and it can be an escape route from the treadmill our leaders would rather keep us tethered to.

From the stories we tell to the songs we sing to the materials we choose to the business models we adopt to share our work: we are creating the fabric of the future.

And so this month, wherever you are in your mothering and your making, I would invite you to consider these questions: What are the changes you would like to see in the world? How are you making waves in your mothering? And in your making? What changes (small or large) could you make in either to help create the future you dream of for yourself and for your children?

To read more from Sophie go to: www.raisingrevolutionaries.co.uk and https://www.instagram.com/raising_revolutionaries/

[yuzusorbet]

Sendai Holiday 2019, Part 5: An Unexpected Journey

A fan told me about the special edition Yuzuru Hanyu subway card that came with 3 postcards and I quickly went to the Sendai subway station office to buy it.  The beautiful subway card was a one-day pass, unlimited rides.  Many fans used it to to get to International Centre Station where Yuzu’s Olympic Monuments are, and also to Izumi Chuo Station which is near Ice Rink Sendai, but I had already gone to these places before I knew about this special pass.  Well, I could always just keep it without using it but, somehow, I felt I had to make good use of this pass that has Yuzu’s SEIMEI silhouette on it.     

There is a 3.11 Memorial Community Centre located in Arai Station 荒井 at the end of the Tozai subway line 東西線.  The name popped up when I was searching online about Sendai travel.  I have never heard of this place before but since I could use my Yuzu subway pass and learn more about 3.11, I thought it was perfect.  Arai Station is just 6 stops away from Sendai Station.  (3.11 refers to the Great East Japan earthquake and tsunami, also known as the Tohoku earthquake, of 11 March 2011.)  

I arrived at Arai Station and there was a big sign pointing to the 3.11 centre.  It was within the station itself, at one end.

‘This post-earthquake restoration memorial facility opened in February 2016.   As a gateway to the eastern coastal area, which suffered tremendous damage from the tsunami, this memorial community center conveys the history of the region, the memory of the disaster, and wisdom and lessons derived from it to the world and to future generations.’ (credit)

On the first floor, there is a big 3D map that shows the extent of the coastal area ravaged by the tsunami.

On the 2nd floor, there are photos of the affected areas, in a timeline from the Showa period til present day, showing the devastation of March 2011 and restoration efforts.

The captions are all in Japanese but there are booklets that give the translation in English, Chinese, Korean and Thai.  You can hold the booklet and read the translated caption for each picture as you move along the wall.

There was one photo that struck me in particular.  People on the rooftop of Arahama Elementary School, with the black waters of the tsunami below.  They were students, staff and nearby residents who had fled there.  All were rescued by helicopter later.   Many thoughts ran through my mind.  How terrifying it must have been to watch the sea swallow up all that you live on.  And what about their family members who were not with them...... how many families could be reunited?  The young elementary school students, did they recover from the trauma?  How are they doing now.....

One of the staff told me that this school has been preserved as a museum and memorial of the disaster.  It has been open to public since April 2017.  He suggested that I take the short bus ride to the school and go into the building to have a look.  Oh my...... I was not prepared for that at all.  Do I really want to see the actual traces of devastation and tragedy??  It is too sad.....  After a bit of hesitation, I went outside the station and boarded the bus that goes to the school near the coast.  It was a regular bus that has a few stops along way and the ride cost 240 yen.   Part of the route was rather scenic with rice paddy fields. 

The last stop was at the school.  The building looked like a normal school from afar.   A banner along the 3rd floor says ありがとう 荒浜小学校  (Thank you, Arahama Elementary School).  It was put up by students in 2016. 

  There is some information in English on the board at the front.

The white sign at the 2nd floor shows the height of the tsunami that day.  The first level was totally submerged. (pic below)

On the 1st and 2nd floors, we can see the damage, and pictures show the aftermath, before the debris was cleared.  All sorts of things were pushed into the classrooms by the force of the tsunami.  A teacher’s car which was parked outside was found crushed with the debris in one of the rooms.

On the 4th floor is a room with a timeline of events on that day, from the earthquake to the tsunami and after.

The clock that was in the 1st floor gymnasium stopped at the time that the tsunami struck. 

There was also a video in the room, with the principal and other staff of the school commenting on that day, with English subtitles.....

“I grabbed the key for the rooftop and told everyone in all of the rooms to leave everything and go up to the rooftop right away.”

“It turned into a mountain, something like black mountain, it was sea water, it came and..... crash, it kept coming forward.”

“There was nothing left of the Arahama area.  It was a view of the bottom of the sea and all we could do was watch from the rooftop as the town was swept away.”

I cried as I watched the video.  My heart that was getting heavier and heavier could not hold it back anymore.

From the 4th floor, I went up to the rooftop.  So this was where the survivors were standing.  I could see the sea on one side....

and all around, rebuilding is going on.  New roads are being made, with bulldozers and excavators here and there.   It was too painful to think that this was actually a town filled with people and homes.

I remember the wind was very strong on the rooftop and the sky was overcast, so it was very cold even though it was in the warm month of May.  After taking some photos, I made my way back down.

The 3rd floor is closed but there is a very touching piece of writing by a teacher of the school, with English translation included.  Please read it from my photo below (4th pic).

The teacher’s reflections were full of sadness but also very uplifting.  “Kindness and gratitude in these hard times.”  So touching.  I hope to remember these words.

In front of the building is a ‘Closing of School’ monument, with the words of the school song on the transparent blue panel.  The school has been here a long time.  It was established in 1873 (Meiji year 6) and built on the current site in 1912 (Taisho year 1).

As I was leaving, groups of students came in large buses.  Each group had a guide talking to them outside first, then taking them around.  The school continues its purpose of educating and building up the nation. 

Goodbye and thank you, Arahama Elementary School.  I said a silent prayer as I left on the bus.  The serenity of the rice fields comforted my heart.    

For more info and photos of the school, here is a news article: The school that saved 320 people

Note: I spent about an hour here but one hour is not enough to finish looking at everything in the school.  Two hours would be good.  There are guide booklets in a few languages near the entrance of the school.  Check also the bus schedule.  It only runs once an hour. 

Much thanks to the staff at 3.11 Memorial Community Centre for their help.

Back home, I searched and read up more....

In addition to physical reconstruction, emotional and social support remain an important focus for rebuilding. “Up in Tohoku, a common term widely used to describe the emotional difficulty in what recovery really means after the disaster is kokoro no byōki (illness of the heart).  From continuing financial worries, divorces, depression, disconnected families to elderly survivors losing connection or meaning, there are ongoing situations of survivors falling through the cracks. [....]  Volunteers provide an invaluable message of encouragement, crucial to the long-term emotional recovery of survivors. [...]  Their return and interest in the community reinforces the message that others believe the rebuilding is worthwhile — and that they are worthwhile.”  (credit: Japan Times, link below)

I immediately thought of Yuzu.  Besides donating all his Olympic prize money for rebuilding, he goes back again and again to visit communities in the affected areas and to do ice shows for them.  His visits tell the survivors that they are worthwhile, that they are not forgotten.  How many lives has he saved in this way!  God bless all volunteers for their kindness and generosity.       

Thanks to Yuzu’s subway pass..... It led me on an unexpected journey to learn more about something very close to his heart and I am inspired again to do more.  Below are some useful sites that I found: 

https://www.japantimes.co.jp/community/2019/03/10/issues/new-approach-volunteering-tohoku/#.XUVS5lCLmCR

https://www.japansociety.org/page/earthquake 

https://www.tohoku.ac.jp/en/news/campus_community/news20181128scrum.html

Even though I only took 2 rides with the subway pass (going to Arai Station and back), I think I have made very good use of it. 

(All photos are taken by me;  please do not use or re-post my photos without asking me first.  Thanks.)

[mattkenzie]

So this year I was listening to some music the other day (I bought some CDs as I like to have something that I can physically hold) so I’m usually the guy who listens to rock and metal... But recently I’ve been listening to something that I don’t usually listen to “Dun dun DUN!” Musicals! So anyway I was listening to Say My Name (from Beetlejuice) on YouTube it does seem different from the old musical I disliked as a kid.

So anyway I was exposed to a musical Be More Chill (Two Rivers Theatre) and I loved how the music is so lively and upbeat. I enjoyed the humour (it’s pretty much my cup of Mountain Dew) but sadly due to this stupid law about distributing goods which contains a high amount of caffeine from the States we have to have our own “watered down” version of Mountain Dew without that crazy yellow colour and citrusy flavour that packs a punch (like explosive, but not sharp like 7up)... But I can make a mean UK variant of a “Mountain Dew Code Red” clone!). “Yes Squip... you love Lemon 🍋 but you hate Cherry 🍒”

My Fan Theory: So I thought I’d go straight to the plot point and talk about the plot device, the Super Quantum Unit Intel Prossessor (a.k.a S.Q.U.I.P) and why they originated from Japan. So I was watching this video from Gaijin Goomba a long time ago where he talked about his life living in Japanese society and since living there for a long time (as an english teacher). Gaijin Goomba was talking about this video MeMeMe (I won’t show as it’s NSFW) which has hit him home really hard with depression, so there were times he hid himself from his room where he is surrounded by his Manga and Anime. Now this is condition that is quite common in Japanese culture and the person who choose to live in recluse shutting themselves off from the world to become modern day hermits, known as a ‘Hikikomori’.

A Hikikomori is a person who shut themselves away from society by secluding themselves in their room and living off their parents and confine themselves to their rooms ignoring the world passing by them (this is considered shameful in Japanese society and the parents would keep their hikiomori son/daughter a secret from their friends, family and co-workers), so the hikikomori is surrounded by their love of video games, manga, anime, figurines, hentai... etc, all because that in their country Japan is a hyper competitive society. I know that in western society, we tend to joke about “the 40-something year olds who lives with their mother.”

Jeremy: You look like Keanu Reeves!

Sqiup: That is my default setting, I can be who you want to be, Jeremy. I can also be Sean Connery, Jack Nickleson or even a sexy anime female... tee hee hee.

Notice that the Squip quoted an ‘sexy anime female’ as one of it’s interface options so in my theory, I believe that Squips are pretty much aimed towards those who have high anxiety issues, little to no ambition or direction in their lives... Squips are aimed towards the hikikomori, so the Squip’s primary objective is to give the recluse subject an ‘incentive’ to leave their parents house or apartment by first becoming what they love the most... to become the subjects favourite fictional characters in a video game, tv show, cartoon or their favourite actors by becoming buddy-buddy with their subject by helping the hikikomori by not making the subject ‘cool’ but instead ‘independent’ by giving them basic life skills like cooking and go shopping. (Because in reality, their is a brother/sister program is the cheap and humane approach to get the hikikomori to come out of their rooms, get out of the house, get a stable job and become a reforming member of society.)

Starting with Be More Chill (Part 1) and pay attention to the lyrics.

Squip: (Song: Be More Chill, Verse 1) All your nerdiness is ugly.

Squip: (Part 1: Chorus) Oh everything about you is so terrible, whoa, everything about you makes me want to die.

We see that the Squip addressed Jeremy’s posture which is a start because posture is everything, next the Squip made an observation that Jeremy’s ‘nerdiness is ugly’ (like any typical Dad telling you stop being a kid, grow up, be an adult.) But put it in the perspective of a hikimomori, if the Squip did not once talked about the dangers of consumerism (though he should have) it wanted us to figure that one out on our own (as humans, we don’t) until later in the song in the second chorus and part 2.

In the first chorus the Squip is pleading to Jeremy that he needs ‘to live’ as a person (still no context) because the Squip wanted to say “I want to be your personal assistant, If you don’t live, I’ll have no purpose and I am giving you purpose in life, please don’t go down this path you’ll be no better than a hikikomori and I can’t live without you... I’m begging you!”

The second verse The Squip would request the subject to simply get a job (without using the words get a job) so it subtly told Jeremy to ‘buy a shirt’ because beyond school and college ‘the real world’ is competitive even in the Squip’s place of origin, Japan.

So in another chorus the Squip made a rebuttal that if Jeremy kept on living like a ‘nerd’ and a ‘slob’ the worst case scenario is that the childish things like anime and manga will become something more drastic... having hentai and porno magazines so the general public’s perception of you would be shameful and label you as a disgusting pervert ‘Everything about you [your lifestyle] sucks, you are such a slob’ (Yep, like the same traits Hikikomori that you didn’t gave us the heads up about the dangers of consumerism, Squip!) The Squip would go as far as literally going to the extremes of using ‘shock tactics’ to scare their hikikomori into looking at their lifestyle choices.

Now pay attention to the opening to Be More Chill (Part 2)

Squip: Now Repeat after me, oh everything about me is so terrible.

Jeremy: Everything about me is so terrible.

Squip: Good, Whoa, everything about you make me makes me want to die.

Jeremy: Everything about me makes me want to die.

Although the Squip didn’t mention (in detail) about the hikikomori lifestle, it went with the direct approach. “If you continue to like the life as a hikikomori, YOU WILL DIE ALONE because you are not living!”

But what happens if the subject chooses not comply with the Squip and rebel? Well the answer is simple, shocking the subject and gradually optic cloaking their parents to make the hikikomori think that their parents couldn’t put up with their anti-social behaviour anymore so the subject would believe that their folks gave up, packed up and moved. (Yep, the hikikomori could have the tendency to become violent so the Squip is protecting the subject’s parents so they won’t get hurt) and if the Squip fails to protect the subject’s parents, it would call the police.

My third case is controversial use for Squips and that is used on teenagers who have a cognitive behavioural disorder known as Chunnibyou this is known as Eigth-Grader Syndrome who consider themselves to be special (the chosen one, a hero, wizard, demon lord, angel, alien or a beast-kin) like symptoms and want these teenagers who refuse to let go of childish fantasies so the Squip tells the chouniibyou to grow up, stop believing that you are some sort of anomaly, you aren’t going to save or destroy the world because you know that deep down you are merely a human, you are a teenager who is slowly becoming an adult so act like one become members of society.

Final Synopsis:

It’s kind of a shame that a Squip doesn’t understand the concept of having a hobby but when you are an adult, society dictates that you have to let go of childish things because if you guys/gals and non-binary pals ever played Super Smash Bros. Brawl where you face Taboo in Subspace Emissary. You see, taboo is the final boss and in the dictionary it’s means:-

A social or religious custom that is prohibiting or restraining a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place or thing.

Because society tells us that “as adults we are too old to be watching cartoons, play with dolls/action figures... etc” so because the Squip originated from Japan maybe it’s mentality is similar to having a work/business ethnic. (They have a different language when at work so if you are not speaking “business formally” you could get fired!)

To me I am an adult and their is a fine line between responsibility and freedom because there are times where responsibility demands sacrifice (I am a former Magic The Gathering player, yes, I may suck at the game but I love the art) but Magic The Gathering cards aren’t going to put bread on the table, my graphic novels aren’t going to heat up my house and I also need electricity to play my video games. There are times when a brand NEW book will arrives in a month but deep down I can’t afford so I have to put a few books back on it’s shelf and buy them next time.

If a Squip was in the US (or in my case the UK) mental health is important so I would feel sorry for the Squip to not understand how great it is to have things to be passionate about. Yes, being organised is one thing I know I have bills to pay, clothing on my back and food in the fridge but it’s OK to let my hair down and let off some steam once in a while and be spontaneous have some fun.

[eldritchsurveys]

672.

When was the last time you let someone know you truly love him/her? >> Hm.

Do you complain when you are bored, or look for something to do? >> I might say that I’m bored, conversationally, if I’m not alone. But usually I just flop around and wait until my brain settles down. (Usually, boredom for me isn’t a lack of things to do, it’s just a kind of restlessness or anxiety that prevents me from doing anything or focusing on anything.)

Do other people's complaints ever get on your nerves? >> Sure.

Generally, what is your favorite ride at an amusement park? >> I remember liking roller coasters, but I haven’t been to an amusement park in a long time.

Who is your favorite 90's musical artist? >> I mean, a lot of the music I enjoy is from the nineties...

Do you think that music was better when your parents were young, or now? >> Music is just music. Some of it I like, some of it I don’t like, but every time period in the past century-plus has had its pop music that older people hate. I think it’s just more difficult to adapt to new music trends as one gets older, and one is more likely to experience nostalgia for the music they grew up with, and mistakenly assume that their nostalgia means that the music was obviously objectively better back then. There are some musical trends that I wish were still knocking around, sure, but there are some new trends that I love, too. People will always be around making music that I like, no matter what year it is.

How did you develop your specific taste in music? >> I mean, it wasn’t any effort on my part. I just like what I like; I assume it’s mostly subconscious.

If you drink coffee, how do you like it (with cream, black, etc)? >> Black.

Did your parents sign you up for things like piano lessons and ballet? >> He always signed me up for things I didn’t enjoy, and then wondered why I didn’t perform to his standards.

What is your favorite children's song? >> I don’t have one.

Is there a funny story about yourself that you like telling others? >> Probably, but I can’t remember it right now.

Are you good at telling jokes? >> No, I don’t have the memory for constructed jokes.

Are you uptight, or are you easy going? >> I’m neurotic about some things because of how I’m wired, and I’m pretty apathetic about other things for the same reason.

Other than gas, what do you frequently purchase at a gas station? >> I don’t regularly buy things at gas stations.

What is one concern you have about the present state of the world? >> Meh.

Ten years ago, did you think that this was how the world would turn out? >> I wasn’t thinking about how the world would turn out ten years from then.

Ever think you might be better off living in a different time period? >> No.

Do you drink regular or diet soda? >> If I’m going to drink soda, I’m going to drink regular soda.

What CDs would you take with you on a road trip? >> Thank god for Spotify.

Think of your favorite band? What album by them is your LEAST favorite? >> I don’t have a favourite band.

Have you seen your favorite band in concert? If so, how was it? >> I’ve seen live several bands I’ve called “favourite” in the past. They were all great shows.

Do you walk regularly? >> I don’t. Especially not in this season.

Did you take a Health class in high school? How was it? >> Yeah. I don’t know, I slept through most of it.

If you could have the answer to one question, what question would that be? >> ---

Do you like any bands from other countries? >> Sure, of course.

When was the last time you mailed a handwritten letter? >> Uh... middle school?

Do you still receive Christmas cards? >> Not unless I do a card exchange amongst my tumblr mutuals, which I did do one year. But executive dysfunction got in the way last season so I didn’t get around to it.

Do you know anyone who is really hard to please? >> I mean, maybe.

What gets you through the day? >> *shrug*

Do you have a Before Bed routine? >> Not really. I just make sure to take my pill at around 10p.

Describe your stance on organized religion? >> I don’t have a stance on it, really. I find some aspects of it fascinating, some aspects of it helpful, and other aspects of it harmful. Just like... anything, I guess? I’m considering conversion to a particular organised religion, but I’ve been spoiled by the sheer freedom of being unaffiliated and I’m not sure how willing I am to give that up.

Describe your stance on religion in general? >> I’m notoriously interested in and even passionate about religion in general, even when I don’t care to personally participate in it. It’s one of those things I’d consider majoring in if I was in any way inclined towards formal education.

If you found out your bf/gf was homosexual, how would you react? >> Whaaaaat? The woman that is always saying “I’m gay” at any given occasion (particularly when she sees other women) is not straight?????? News to me.

If you are homosexual, and you find out your bf/gf is straight, then what? >> I mean, that’s a situation I can’t really imagine being in.

Have you ever sung karaoke? What songs? Was it fun? >> I’ve sung at live-band karaoke... I’d say around 100, 150 times? I was pretty much a regular. My go-to songs included Smells Like Teen Spirit, Jeremy, and No One Knows. Oh, and The Trooper until I saw [fellow regular] Dorit do a belly-dance bit with a sword on her head during the solo. I think all of us regulars gave up on doing The Trooper after that, lmfao.

Do you study for big tests? >> ---

What makes you nervous? >> Oh, a few things, I guess.

Have you called anyone today? What did you talk about? >> No.

When was the last time you went bowling? >> The last time I was even in a bowling alley is when I was eighteen. The only reason I remember is because that was the last time I saw Thomas before he died. (That bowling alley isn’t even there anymore. Always thought a bowling alley in Port Authority was weird, anyway...)

Do you drive around the neighborhood to look at lights around Xmas? >> We usually just see them on regular drives. When I lived in the Pine Barrens as a preteen, it was nice because we lived by a four-mile-long lake, and you could always see the reflections of the lights across the lake in the water. Also, there was this one house that always went absolutely apeshit with the lights every year. I shudder to think of their electric bill.

Why are so many single people bitter on Valentine's Day? >> Because they’re lonely or have been hurt by exes or are unhappily aromantic, and don’t like being bombarded by hearts and romantic shit everywhere. It’s not rocket science, dude.

What holiday is a big deal for you? >> I mean, Christmas. I enjoy it and for once in my life I get to fully celebrate it.

What is one tradition you hate participating in? >> I don’t know, but whatever it is, I probably just refuse to participate in it period.

Have you ever been sledding? >> Nope.

Do you have acne? >> Not since high school.

Have you made a fool of yourself today? >> Not to my knowledge.

Is there someone you wish you could talk to, but you're too afraid? >> Not specifically. But in general, fear is the foundation of why I don’t open up to people.

Do you have a favorite cookie? >> I like lemon cookies...

When was the last time you did something for someone else? >> Neighbour left her key in her door and I knocked on the door to alert her to it.

Do you let other people choose the radio stations in your car? >> ---

Would you say that you are an accepting and openminded person? >> Sure.

Have you ever been convinced to try something you didn't want to do? >> Not if I really didn’t want to do it. I’ve been convinced to try things that I was on the fence about.

What happened? How did you feel about your choice? >> ---

Have you ever tried to influence someone else? >> I mean, sure, probably.

When was the last time you cheated--at anything? >> I don’t remember.

Do you play any online computer games? If so, what? >> Yeah. I play several MMOs (not at the same time, I usually alternate between them from month to month).

What food can you not seem to get enough of? >> Cheese and crackers, for some reason.

When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? >> I usually just don’t talk to them or don’t give any friendly social cues. Kind of freeze them out, I guess. I figure most people don’t care if I’m upset with them or not, so it doesn’t make any sense to tell them or have a conversation about it. That may be fallacious, but I... also haven’t been explicitly proven wrong yet, lol.

Do you like to think that you are better than other people? >> No.

When was the last time you felt you had a reality check? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever felt out of touch with reality? >> Sure, many times.

Have you ever been sick to the point of possibly dying? >> Nope.

Have you ever had a tooth pulled? >> Yes, because I can’t afford a root canal.

How long do you you usually chew a stick of gum? >> Not that long. The flavour only lasts like five minutes at best, after all, and once the flavour’s gone the gum starts to lose pliability.

Did you chew gum in school, even if it was against the rules? >> I don’t recall doing so.

Did you take a foreign language in school? >> I tried. I didn’t get very far because of changing schools all the time, being in the mental hospital all the time, and also that stupid fiasco where I got no credit for a whole year of Spanish I (I don’t remember why, but it was definitely some bullshit).

Did you attempt to make Honor Roll? Did you make it? >> I only made honour roll in elementary.

What was your favorite school project? >> That report I did about Jim Morrison. Or that project I did about the war against rock and roll, lol (you know, the Satanic Panic around metal music and all that noise; I basically got tired of being told I listened to “devil music” and decided to expose the ridiculousness of it in my final project).

Did you attend any school dances? >> I mean, I went to prom.

Were you in any after school clubs? >> I tried to be, but my father made me leave them because he didn’t approve of the kinds of clubs I wanted to be in (and I didn’t want to be in the kinds of clubs he approved of).

Was there any teacher that made life living hell for you? >> I definitely felt that way.

How about any student(s)? >> Some years, yes.

When was the last time you felt overwhelmed? >> I don’t remember. It’s a common occurrence so I don’t make much note of it when it happens.

Which parent are you more apt to go to if you're upset? >> ---

Do you have any coffee mugs with funny pictures/sayings? >> I have a mug with a cute cactus on it! But Sparrow has all the punny mugs (they’re all cat puns).

Describe your favorite t-shirt? >> ---

Describe something strange that you own? >> Hmm... not sure I own anything strange. Or maybe it’s just that nothing I own is strange to me.

What do you like to do on a friday night? >> Go to Cafe Boba for a weekly meetup group.

What do you like to do on a sunday night? >> Whatever.

Are monday's a drag for you? >> No more or less than any other day of the week.

Do you think graffiti is a valid form of artistic expression? >> Of course.

Do you know where the food you eat comes from? >> Of course not, I live in the US. It’s all a clusterfuck of obfuscation.

Do you ever worry about where the world will be in 20 years? >> No. My peers seem to have that covered.

Have you spent much time contemplating your death? >> Oh, definitely.

Do you know what you want your funeral to be like? >> I know that I want a home vigil (assuming I die when I’m older, after we’ve already bought an actual home). If I die, like, tomorrow or whatever, I guess people can do whatever they want funeral-wise because I’m not interested. Just bury me in a cardboard or pine box in the green section at that one cemetery near us, please. Not in a fucking thousand-dollar metal casket or whatever. Let me decay.

How often do you think dirty thoughts? >> I don’t know, often enough, I guess.

Can mere images turn you on? How about words? >> Images, sure. Words, if they come from Inworld, yeah...

Do you give a good back massage? >> No.

Do you think that feet are disgusting? >> I mean, not inherently. At least they don’t... secrete stuff. (I mean, besides sweat.)

Do you have a girlish scream? >> I don’t recall ever screaming, period.

When was the last time you screamed? >> ^

What is your political affiliation? >> I don’t have one, but I usually vote Democrat.

Are you registered to vote? >> Yeah.

Are you GOING to vote? >> *sigh* Yeah, guess I oughta.

Do you think you would enjoy living in college dorms? >> No. Nooooo no no no no.

Have you ever been to the YMCA? >> Yeah.

If you ditched school, where did you go? >> ---

Have you ever been offered drugs? What, and by who? >> I mean, by friends. Not by complete strangers the way D.A.R.E. insisted. (I mean, that probably does happen too, just not at all with the frequency one would expect...)

Are you afraid to walk places at night if you are alone? >> No.

What's in your school backpack? >> ---

Are you put off by overly social people? >> No. I’m easily exhausted by very extroverted, exuberant people, is all. Doesn’t mean I don’t like them as people.

What do you think of people who are shy? >> I don’t think anything of them, specifically. Some people are just shy. That’s fine.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? Yep and watched all the movies. I was really into it at the time. When was the last time you ran into something? Hmm. I don’t recall. Do you enjoy dressing up? Nah. Do you live in the city or a rural area? I live in the city. Would you say you have a sense of style? My sense of style consists of mostly graphic tees and leggings, but also some Adidas clothes. And shoes. 

What’s your biggest fear? This question comes up all the damn time. Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Nooo. Are you close to any of your cousins? Aww, I used to be close to a few of my cousins. Not anymore, though. :( That’s all my fault. I became really distant and withdrawn from friends and even family outside of my immediate family.  Have you ever been lost in the woods? No, thankfully. Where did you last travel? Disneyland back in February. Do you enjoy driving? I don’t drive.  What song did you last listen to? I mentioned this in a previous survey already, but I’ve had Savage by Megan the Stallion stuck in my head because of TikTok. If you have a job, how often do you work? I don’t have a job. What time do you normally go to sleep at night? For the past month I’ve been going to bed after 6AM. :X Do you watch a lot of movies? Hmm. Not a lot, no. I watch more TV shows. Do you like Tom Petty? ”Now I’m freeeeeee Free fallin’.” Would you rather have snow or rain? I love rainy days. It doesn’t snow here, but I wish it did. Do you own a lot of sweaters? I own a lot of sweatshirts. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? Well, no. For obvious reasons. Ever ridden in a police car? Nope. Favorite decade of music? That’s tough cause I like music that spans across decades, but I think the 90s and early 2000′s will hold a special spot. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? My longest was my best friend of 15 years.  Ever witnessed a murder? Noooo.  Does your room have a ceiling fan? Yep. Have you ever tried blogging? Before Tumblr I had Xanga for a long time.  Favorite television channel? E!, MTV, The Hallmark Channel, TeenNick, TVLand, and the ID Channel. Have you ever lied under oath? I’ve never had to be under oath. What are your religious views? I’m a Christian. When did you last change your bed sheets? A week ago. Would you consider yourself a flirt? No. At what age do you plan to be married? I don’t plan on getting married. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Honestly, all I eat is sandwiches, ramen, eggs, and Wingstop. Sometimes pizza and pasta. When did you last go on vacation? I’ve answered this 3 times now tonight, but I went to Disneyland back in February. Are you resilient? I was when I was younger. Definitely not anymore. Have you ever failed a subject before? I failed one math course in community college and had to retake it again. I ended up doing a lot better the 2nd time. I honestly believe it’s because I had a better teacher. If so, what was the class? ^^^ Do you wear more bright or dull colors? Dull. Majority of my clothes are black. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? Yes. What’s your favorite quote? Blah. How many clocks are in your house? Like 20 including all the electronics.  Do you play any sports? Nope. What is your biggest life regret? I have a lot of those. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? No, thankfully. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? Well obviously right now I only want to be at home, but I look forward to the day I can go to the beach. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Yeah, I had them for years. Favorite fast food restaurant? I’m not into fast food anymore like I used to be. I was a fast food junkie before. The only takeout I’m into is Wingstop. And pizza from a local place, but I haven’t had that in awhile. In what country were you born? US of A. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope, just brown. Have you ever caught something on fire? Something in the microwave once, something in the oven once, the tips of my hair.... What would you consider your biggest flaw? Oh boy where to start. What do you think your best quality is? I don’t know. Do you enjoy listening to others’ problems? I used to be the person people came to if they needed advice or just someone to talk to and I was good at it. I liked being there and helping any way I could. People told me they felt comfortable talking to me and I was easy to talk to. It could also be overwhelming and draining at times. Especially leading up to when I fell into a really low, dark place a few years ago. I couldn’t be that person anymore. I wasn’t in a good headspace. I pushed everyone away and became very distant and withdrawn. That was 4 years ago and I’m still out of that place. :/

Do you keep any plants in your house? Nope. What is your mother’s occupation? She’s a manager at Walgreens.  Do any of your friends like your musical style? My family and I share some musical interests. What are you most looking forward to? I wanna say this quarantine ending, but I know resuming life in the real world would also be making me anxious when the time comes. I guess I’m most excited for seeing Gabie again, because I haven’t seen March 7th. <<< SAME to the first part.  What was your favorite television show as a child? Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, PBS, Saturday morning cartoons on ABC, WB Kids... all the kid shows in the 90s, basically. Are you afraid of insects? YES. ALL of them. Are you cold-natured? I’m very warm blooded, I feel like I’m always hot. I like when I’m actually cold and can wear a hoodie/sweatshirt or curl up under a blanket. How old were you when you got your first pet? We had a dog when I was a baby. Did you / do you enjoy high school? I liked parts of it.  What would you say was your favorite age? Childhood. What annoys you most about social networking? Trolls, fake news, cancel culture.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? Nooo. I never want to be the center of attention. What are you currently reading? I’m starting the 2nd book in the Jack Ryder Mystery Series by Willow Rose. When did you last go to the library? Sometime back in 2014 when I was still in school. Are you ill at the moment? Not with a virus or anything like that, thankfully. I just always feel crappy for other reasons. Do people tease you about anything? How I’m too sensitive.  How late did you stay up last night and why? Last night I went to bed at 4 in the morning, which is really early for me these days. Have you ever written poetry? I dabbled with it when I was 16. I still have the diary I wrote them in and yikes they’re so cringe-y haha. Curtains or shades? Curtains.  How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Zero, everyone in my house is asleep. Do you tend to text a lot? Nope. Ever lost a great best friend? Yes. What is your favorite kind of flower? Eh, I just say roses but I don’t really have one. Do you own any guns? No. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I could never choose. What’s your least favorite part of the day? Late evening always seems to go by really slow.

Have you ever won an award for a speech? No. Do you tend to curse a lot? Nah. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? Nooo. I don’t mess with that kind of stuff. Do you sleepwalk? Nope. Have you ever slept on the floor before? Yeah. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? I don’t care for like heavy make out sessions or groping all over each other, but I don’t care about a kiss, cuddling, or hand holding. When did you last attend a yard sale? When I was a kid. We had a family friend who had them often. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? I don’t have anything I want to accomplish tomorrow. When is your birthday? July 28th. What was the best part of today? It’s only 430 in the morning. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? Involving me yes, but I like celebrity gossip and drama. What liquid did you last drink? Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink. Do you ever prefer to be alone? Yeah, I need to have some alone time. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. Favorite Disney movie? Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, A Goofy Movie, and Toy Story. Have you ever been to the beach? Countless times. I love the beach.  If you have, how many times have you been? ^^^^ What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be a teacher back then. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I’m underweight and need to gain some weight. Do you drink a lot of water? I only get like 2-3 glasses a day. :X Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Carpet. Do you take naps daily? No.

Who were you named after? No one in particular. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? No, we’re still going to be dealing with all this. :/ Do you know anyone who is colorblind? Nope. Have you ever been a teacher’s pet? I guess so. I was always the good kid, the “pleasure to have in class.” Teachers loved me. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Reading, surveys, coloring.  Ever been to a tanning bed before? No. I have no interest in that. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I have enough to pay my bills and a little extra for other stuff, so I’m grateful for that. Who is your favorite actor / actress? Alexander Skarsgard. Are your nails painted? Nope. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? Not accidentally, but I talk to inanimate objects when they don’t cooperate. More like talk shit, but haha. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? Strawberry. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? No. Do you receive any hate mail? No. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Yeah. If you could, would you have a pen pal? I did in 3rd grade. It was fun. We even got to meet them toward the end of the year during a field trip. I wouldn’t want one now, though. What color are the pants you’re wearing? I’m wearing black leggings.  What is your life philosophy? Hmm. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? No one does. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? Yeah. One of my favorite colors is black and most of my clothes are black. I have a few items that are my other favorite colors as well. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Once for a short time. I didn’t like it. What’s your favorite comedy movie? I have several, but the one that came to mind first was Bridesmaids.  In which year were you born? 1989.

[melonkooky]

in love with the feeling [jung hoseok]

not requested

word count: 13563

genre: highschool!au, introvert!hoseok x extrovert!female!reader, brother!au (with jimin, not hoseok, this is not inc*st), fluff, a second of angst

author’s note: this turned out a lot longer than i anticipated and i think it’s because of the plot and the detail. there’s an oc (named irene) x jimin plot line that’s really a side story. the main story is hoseok x reader. i’m sorry that the plot is kinda long. i added the epilogue at the end because i felt that there wasn’t enough actual hoseok x reader moments. anyways, i’m sorry if the word count intimidates you but i still hope you guys read it and enjoy it. this is my longest one shot ever so i’m quite proud of it 💜💜💜

please do not copy my work. but please like and reblog it. thank you!!!

hoseok sighed as he gently rested his forehead on the textbook that laid open just in front of him. his eyes were beginning to burn and water slightly, and his eyelids were growing heavier by the minute. he had been sitting in this chair for two hours now, attempting to read his textbook in order to study for a major test. he wanted to stop. his body was telling him to stop. it was screaming at him, telling him to move, stretch, stand up, leave. but hoseok remained still. with a deep inhale, he begrudgingly lifted up his head. he looked around at the mess he had made on his desk and found his phone hidden under a stack of papers. out of curiosity, he turned on his screen and read the time. it was time for him to go to school.

hoseok began to clean up his desk. he was rather in a hurry, paranoid that he might be late. his mind wandered randomly as he cleaned up. as he stacked up some papers and closed his textbook, he hummed a song that randomly popped into his head. he should not have procrastinated. he knew the consequences, he had faced them before. but they never stopped him from doing it all over again. he could have been asleep all this time, getting rest before the test. now he was already exhausted, and the day had only begun. one of the consequences of procrastination.

hoseok put his earphones into his ears as he left his house and began walking down the street. his head bobbed lightly with the beat. he began to feel the melody flow through him, like a magical wave of energy that coursed through his veins. soon he was dancing on the street. his legs had a mind of their own as he casually danced to the music. after the song ended and a new one played, he continued to walk normally. now his body was feeling a lot more energized after that little dance session in the middle of a sidewalk.

the walk wasn’t too long for hoseok, nothing that he wasn’t used to. he walked onto the school grounds and looked around at all of his fellow students. he couldn’t help but sigh in a bitter manner. everyone had their respective friend groups, and he could easily decipher them. they were your typical high school cliques and gangs: the jocks, the cheerleaders, the popular kids, etc. it was easy to tell them apart.

hoseok felt his heart grow heavy. he wasn’t apart of a group. no, he felt that he didn’t belong in one. he felt different. he felt that he stood apart from everyone, that he was the only one and that made him feel alone. hoseok wasn’t as smart as the nerds, or as athletic as the soccer players, and he didn’t know how to play any instrument. and he definitely wasn’t pablo picasso or vincent van gogh. although, hoseok did enjoy writing, songwriting to be more precise. hoseok loved to dance the most, but songwriting was another hobby for him. because of his hobbies, he felt that he was an invisible alien to everyone. he had never seen or met someone of similar interests. it didn’t help that he had anxiety, and being insecure also made mingling with others difficult for hoseok.

moving on, hoseok’s hand softly gripped the handle as he pulled open the door and walked into the building. a cool breeze caressed his face as he entered. immediately he was met with the noise of socialization, different tones and levels of voices of conversation. hoseok sighed as he pushed himself through the hallway of students. how many sighs was that at this point? he just wanted to get to class. that’s all.

however, something, or rather someone, suddenly collided into his body. he heard a scared yelp and soon he was falling over with a heavy weight on his chest. he huffed as his back hit the ground, pain erupting in his spinal column. he slipped into a slight daze.

“oh my god!” he heard, bringing him back to reality. “i am so sorry.”

hoseok slowly opened his eyes. he found a girl, a very pretty one might he add, staring back at him. her face was only a few inches away from his own, and his muscles instantly tensed up at the close proximity. her expression showed concern and guilt. she smiled sheepishly, a light giggle escaping passed her lips. “i wasn’t paying attention.” she looked up, her innocent look transitioning to a glare. “look what you made me do, irene.”

hoseok’s eyebrows knitted together. irene? who the hell was irene? and who was laying on top of him? hoseok stared at the girl for a second before tilting his head back to find another girl standing a foot away from them. her cheeks were red as she laughed and pointed at the girl on top of him.

“i guess i should get off.”

hoseok waited for her to push herself off of him before sitting up. he groaned as he did so, a light ache pulsing in his lower back. gently, he reached behind to rub the aching spot. from the floor, he glanced up at the girl again. “are you okay?” she asked, crouching down to his level.

he nodded while pursing his lips. “i’m fine.”

she grinned. “that’s good. i’m sorry about that.”

“it’s okay.”

“well,” she paused and looked at her friend, irene. “i guess i’ll see you around.”

hoseok watched as the girl stood up from the ground and walked around him to the other girl named irene. despite them walking away from him, hoseok could still heard the girl’s laugh as she playfully pushed her friend away, “that’s payback for that whole scene you just caused.”

hoseok didn’t realize he was staring at then until moments later. he cleared his throat and looked around at all the students. all of them shared confused glances, many of them being expressions of judgement. he could easily read their expressions: ‘oh my god… why is he on the floor? what a weirdo’. in a heartbeat, hoseok was scrambling back to his feet, his face growing redder with each passing second. without sparing another glance, hoseok hurried away. he was embarrassed. he wanted to disappear from everyone’s eyes. he wanted them to forget what they had just witnessed. he was afraid to meet anyone’s eyes. all the attention was on him, and he didn’t particularly like attention, especially if it was because of a small mistake someone had made that happened to involve him and cause an accident. none of it was his fault, and it was a tiny and rather insignificant accident, and yet he felt as if it was a huge deal. he knew he was just overreacting, but it was becoming overwhelming. hoseok just wanted to escape, and he was almost there.

hoseok finally made it to the classroom. it was slightly empty - much to hoseok’s liking - with the exception of two other students. they must be studying for the test too, just like hoseok had been doing at home minutes ago. hoseok moved down the back row to his seat. he was thankful that the teacher placed him in the back row. he hated being anywhere else because then he felt that everyone was staring at him and it made him paranoid.

he sat down in his seat, but didn’t move after that. he was finally calming down. he could feel his heartbeat slowing down, and he began to feel his nerves slowly disappear. his mind was wandering to the incident, however. he pictured the girl - you. he remembered your face, your skin, your hair, your eyes, your smile. he felt like he had seen you before, and it was bothering him that he didn’t know who you were. you obviously went to this school. but he couldn’t recall ever seeing you.

hoseok shook his head to get you out of his mind. perhaps you were just from another class and perhaps he had seen you in the hallways at some point. he quickly pulled out his notebook and textbook and began studying once more. one final time wouldn’t hurt. and, it also managed to take his mind off of everything.

----

hoseok tilted his head to the side, feeling a slight crack in his neck. the bell had just rung, meaning that class was over. he had finished the test a long time ago, and it was easy. that last minute studying surely paid off. although there were still more classes coming up, he was glad that that particular class had ended. he remained seated in his chair, waiting for the next teacher to arrive.

once again being left alone with his thoughts, hoseok’s mind began to wander over to you again. it began to frustrate him. why did he keep thinking of you?

was it because you embarrassed him? was it because you had ran into him? what else could it possibly be? hoseok sighed, feeling exhausted. he was planning on resting his eyes when an idea popped into his head. these feelings he had, they were perfect for a new song.

hoseok pulled out his songwriting notebook. it was small, and had a simple black cover with a picture of a sun on it. it was something his mom had given him when he told her about his passion for music. it was a gift he cherished. he opened up to a new page and began writing what he was feeling.

----

the last bell of the day finally rang. it was the only bell that was music to hoseok’s ears. everyone in the classroom simultaneously stood up from their seats and began packing up their backpacks. they all started to converse once more, which only made hoseok feel worse. today had been quite an unusual day for him. perhaps he could dance to get his mind off of things.

the school had an old dance room from back in the day when the school had a dance team. the room hasn’t been used in quite some time, but it was perfect for hoseok. he didn’t expect anyone to stumble in when he danced. he knew that only a few people, mainly teachers, actually knew about the existence of the practice room. he didn’t even know about it until his school counselor mentioned it to him during a conversation about hoseok’s hobbies. he had a close relationship with his counselor.

hoseok walked into the practice room. he walked over to a small table that sat in the corner of the room. on top of it sat an old stereo. hoseok plugged his phone into the loudspeaker and played his first song. immediately, he felt his limbs begin to move. he felt the music, the flow of the melody coursed through him. it was as if he was a puppet, and the music was a puppeteer that was controlling him with a few strings. he loved the feeling dancing gave him. it was addictive.

after a few songs, hoseok was slightly panting and beginning to sweat. he felt better, relaxed. relieved. he went to the stereo and unplugged his phone, deciding that he should finally head home. but when he turned around, he was surprised to see two figures standing next to his backpack near the door. his eyes widened, and he immediately felt his face heat up. “w-who are you guys?” he asked.

the two seemed impressed and in awe. “man, i don’t even know where to begin.”

“your dancing, it was phenomenal. i don’t even think i can compare. you’re so good.”

hoseok’s cheeks turned a deep red in color. “you guys were watching me?”

they nodded apologetically, apologetic smiles on their faces. “we were on our way out and we heard music so we came to check it out. the door was unlocked, so yeah…”

hoseok nodded slowly. his eyes trained on the two figures in front of him.

“i’m park jimin, by the way. this is kim taehyung.”

taehyung smiled, flashing jimin a box-like grin. “you’re amazing.”

hoseok couldn’t fight the smile growing on his face. “jung hoseok.” he introduced. “and thank you.”

jimin smiled. “well, we shall see you around hoseok. bye!”

hoseok waved and waited for the two students to leave before releasing a heavy breath, one that he didn’t even know he had been holding. he was already breathing heavily from the dancing so holding in a breath made his lungs ache. hoseok walked over to his backpack for his water bottle. as he rehydrated himself, he thought, ‘this day really was the most unusual day.’

----

hoseok was sitting in the library, tapping his pencil along to the beat of the song that played in his earphones. he had been staring at his homework for a few minutes now, but he couldn’t get himself to actually work on it. he didn’t know what was wrong with him. usually he had no problem doing his homework (other than procrastinating, but even then, he still gets it done).

suddenly, he heard a loud laugh, cutting through the silence of the library. his heart skipped a beat at the sudden sound, nearly scaring him half to death. he whipped his head around, pulling out one earphone, to see you and irene walk in. you, the girl who had fallen on top of him, were the one laughing, probably at something irene had said. he glanced at the librarian who was glaring at you and your friend, but had a small smile on her lips. “ladies.” she scolded.

“sorry, mrs. kim.” you apologized with a wide smile. then you turned around and looked around the library, your eyes scanning the room. you seem to be looking for someone.

irene snickered once more, elbowing your side, forcing your attention on her once again. “i’ll be in our usual spot.”

you nodded before glancing at hoseok. that’s when he realized you were holding a small, square-shaped box. he met your eyes, and immediately his ears glowed red and hot. he turned back around. he was scared to move. he held his breath, until you approached him. “hey.” you greeted.

hoseok turned looked at you. “hey.”

“i was kinda loud, wasn’t i?”

hoseok didn’t reply. he watched as you presented the box to him. it was a simple, cardboard box, but it had a fitted lid. it was meant to be used as a gift box. it was small, and he couldn’t help but notice the red bow on top, how neat it looked. he looked at you again, surprise and confusion written on his face. you laughed. “this is for you, for hurting you yesterday.”

hoseok’s eyes widened. “you didn’t have-”

you pushed the box towards him. “please. i feel terrible.”

hoseok studied your face more, seeing the sincerity in your eyes, and the smile on your face. hesitantly, he reached for the box in your hands. he tried not to flinch or move weirdly as his fingers grazed over your soft skin. you didn’t seem to mind the skin contact at all, but hoseok’s heart was so close to leaping out of his ribcage. he nodded. “thank you.”

you smiled happily, causing hoseok’s heart to skip a beat. a blush crept up into your cheeks. “i hope you like it.” you were about to walk away, but you stopped. “by the way, what’s your name?”

he was hesitant to reply, but there was no reason for him to not answer you. “jung hoseok.”

“hoseok” you repeated with a small smile. “i’m y/n.”

“nice to meet you.” hoseok replied with a timid smile.

there was a small moment of silence between you and hoseok, and it was awkward. so, you looked at hoseok once more before saying, “well, see you.” and you walked away.

hoseok released his breath before looking at the box in his hands. he was almost too afraid to undo the neatly tied bow on top. but gently, he tugged on the end and it loosened and unraveled. he opened the box, and immediately a smile grew on his face. inside was a chocolate cupcake, homemade perhaps. nothing too dramatic or anything. just a simple cupcake. he couldn’t stop smiling. it was a really nice gesture. he really cherished this gift.

----

hoseok came to school the next day in a good mood. it was unusual for him. normally hoseok didn’t feel anything in particular. but feeling good only made him feel better and happier about himself. he walked into the school, earphones in, eyes forward, ignoring everyone. however, his moment stopped when someone wrapped their arm around his shoulder, nearly giving him a heart attack. hoseok ripped his earphones out of his ears, forgetting to pause the song, and immediately looked for a face.

his eyes widened, and his mouth hung open. he didn’t know who this person was. and he just casually walk up to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder as if they had been friends.

“hey hoseok!” he suddenly heard from the other side of his body.

he turned his gaze away from the one who had his arm around him and found jimin. hoseok stared at jimin before turning back to the other one. “sorry,” he said shyly. “i’m jeon jungkook.”

hoseok cleared his throat. “i’m jung hoseok.”

“jimin and taehyung told us about you.”

hoseok’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “wh-what do you mean?”

jungkook looked at jimin. hoseok followed his gaze and waited for jimin to give an explanation. “yeah, i kinda told everyone, my friends i mean, about you and your dancing, hoseok.”

“we think you would fit perfectly.”

hoseok’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. he closed his eyes as his brain tried to process what was going on. “wait, wait. what are you guys talking about? who’s everyone? and what do you mean by mean fitting perfectly?”

jimin laughed. “you don’t know?” he looked at jungkook before looking at hoseok once more. “me, jungkook, taehyung, and three others you haven’t met are trying to bring back the dance club in hopes of bringing back the dance team.”

jungkook nodded proudly. “yeah, we’re basically a kpop band. we like to dance, sing, and rap. jimin said that when he saw you dancing, you would be perfect for the group.”

hoseok was baffled, confused, embarrassed, but also...proud. he looked at jungkook and turned back to jimin. “so what are you guys saying? you want me to join your group?” hoseok pointed his finger at his chest as he spoke.

jimin nodded. “yeah. what do you say?”

hoseok gulped and thought hard. he was overwhelmed with emotions, but he was happy. “okay.” he replied.

jimin grinned. “hell yeah! you should meet the others then.”

jungkook began to steer hoseok in the opposite direction of his classroom. but the three didn’t get far. two girls - y/n and irene - were heading in their direction, and they stopped in front of them. “jimin.” you spoke, your arms coming up to cross in front of your chest.

irene clicked her tongue and tilted her chin up. hoseok stared at them with confusion. why were they acting like that?

“y/n, you can’t possibly still be mad at me.”

“you stole the last chocolate muffin this morning.” you accused, tilting your chin up as you spoke. “i am still quite mad at you

jimin chuckled lightly, “oh my god… you’re so petty. it was a single muffin.”

“yeah, but that was my breakfast. i haven’t eaten today, and i can’t stop thinking about that muffin.”

“what if you had gotten the last one? what would i do then?”

“i don’t know. figure it out, i guess.”

jimin smirked. “then you do the same. i don’t see how you’re any different from me.”

hoseok’s head turned between jimin and y/n after they spoke. jungkook was smiling at the matter. “jimin and y/n are siblings.” he whispered into hoseok’s ear as the two bickered in front of them. “twins, although they don’t necessarily act like twins.”

hoseok nodded, understanding the whole situation now. “oh.”

hoseok turned back to the arguers and found that they were now on the topic of who was the rudest out of the two of them. however, hoseok found himself solely focussing on you. yeah, you were arguing and complaining to your twin brother (that’s what siblings do), but he listened to you. it was amusing to him.

“y/n,” jimin finally said, his hands coming up to your shoulders. “you know i love you, right?”

you glared hard at him. “no.”

he sighed. “older brother will-”

“older? by twelve minutes.” you scoffed.

“and i’m still older. as i was saying, i will buy you a muffin after school. just us two will hang out.”

you stared at jimin, your anger slowly disappearing from your face. “fine. but what about your club thing?” as you asked your question, you glanced at hoseok and jungkook. however, you eyes seemed to linger on hoseok’s for a while. and hoseok couldn’t help but shift awkwardly. you remembered him, obviously. but why was he there?

jimin looked at hoseok and jungkook. “how about we don’t have practice today? since we can’t really work with members missing.”

“but, we have to introduce hoseok. we should teach him the choreography and where his spot will be. and we have to give him his lines and-”

jimin shook his head. “let’s just introduce him. is that okay with you, hoseok?”

hoseok nodded.

you spoke up. “hoseok is joining you guys? you only needed one more member, right?” now you understood why hoseok was with your brother.

“y/n, you should see him dance.” jimin spoke enthusiastically.

“you dance?”

hoseok’s cheeks reddened. “yeah.”

you smiled, and hoseok swore his heart skipped a beat. “that’s great. i can’t wait to watch you guys practice.”

suddenly, irene nudged you with her elbow. “we should get going, y/n.” she suddenly seemed shy, and her eyes kept looking at jimin. hoseok noted the red in irene’s cheeks.

jimin smiled at them both. “i’ll see you after school then, sis.” he smiled at them both and waved at irene as the two girls walked around them and continued their way down the hall.

hoseok turned his head, despite being in jungkook’s grasp. jungkook pulled him towards his body and they continued. “what were you looking at?” he asked mischievously, quirking up one of his eyebrows as he looked at hoseok with an amused look.

hoseok shook his head. “n-no one.”

“is it irene?” jungkook lowered his voice to a whisper. “or is it... y/n?”

hoseok remained quiet, and quite rigid. jungkook snickered and patted his shoulder, removing his arm afterwards. “i can’t wait for you to meet everyone.”

----

jungkook and jimin led hoseok to an empty classroom near the end of the building. it seemed like it hadn’t been used for years and had unintentionally been turned into a storage room for old and broken desks. jimin opened the door and gestered hoseok to go in first. as he walked through the doorway, he spotted four others. he recognized taehyung from the other day, but the other three were unfamiliar. having been in his own bubble for so long, he was beginning to think he somehow ended up in another school with new students. he hasn’t been recognizing his fellow student classmates.

one of the three stood up. he seemed extremely confident in himself. he also gave hoseok comedic vibes. “oh, jimin, who’s this?”

jimin suddenly appeared next to hoseok. “this is jung hoseok. the dancer i told you guys about.”

another stood up and walked towards hoseok, the other one as well as taehyung followed behind him. “welcome to our small dance club. i’m kim namjoon. this one here is min yoongi.” namjoon smiled while yoongi simply looked at hoseok and gave him a nod.

alright, so yoongi is a bit quieter than the rest.

“you remember me, right?” taehyung asked with a big grin.

hoseok shyly smiled in return. “yeah. i do.” taehyung seemed to be the one that brought the mood to the group. he was happy and quite outgoing. he was friendly.

“and i am kim seokjin. the oldest one here, but fortunately for me, i don’t look like it.” he winked. he also was flirty. confident, goofy, and flirty.

hoseok nodded awkwardly. “so, what do you guys do?”

“perhaps we should sit down.” namjoon suggested, walking back towards his seat.

everyone sat down, and hoseok took this time to look at everyone and make sure he had their names. namjoon began explaining, “yoongi and i write the songs, sometimes with the help of the other members.”

“i write sometimes too.” hoseok spoke up, his voice wavering a bit.

jimin looked at him, his eyes wide with surprise. “really? you have to show us your songs some time.”

namjoon continued. “taehyung, jin, jungkook, and jimin are the vocalists, leaving yoongi and i as the rappers. yoongi can also play the piano, and him and i also produce songs. have you ever sung or rapped before?”

hoseok shook his head. “not necessarily.”

“well, we can always figure that out later. so, as you know, we are a dance club basically. we are some kind of band, as others would call us. i don’t really know how to classify ourselves yet. anyway, all of us love music, so our goal is to bring back the school dance team, and hopefully begin competing.”

“do other schools still have dance teams?” hoseok questioned.

yoongi nodded, and for the first time he spoke. “we researched everything. our school only stopped because no one was joining the team or the dance club in general. so they decided to just take it away all together.”

hoseok nodded.

taehyung suddenly turned to him. he seemed a bit shy. “hoseok, we are all close friends here, and we hope that you can soon feel comfortable around us and think of us as your friends.”

namjoon nodded, his gaze falling on hoseok. “and we hope that you can get started practicing with us soon. we would like to get started on getting you into the group, as far as lines in songs and learning choreography and all that.”

“of course, though,” jimin spoke up, “if you ever want to leave or do something else, you can. this is fully your choice.”

hoseok smiled and shook his head. “no, i really like this. i truly like dancing, and sometimes writing songs. but i want to be apart of this.” he looked up at everyone. “thank you, guys.”

they all smiled. “of course, hoseok.”

----

you and jimin were walking home after spending time at a cafe near home. jimin had bought you that chocolate muffin, just as he promised. and now you were happy. and jimin was forgiven.

the evening was quiet, and the sky was transitioning from a light blue to yellow, orange, purple, and dark blue. you sighed contently as an evening breeze grazed your skin. you enjoyed evenings like so. when you could see the sunset and feel the cool breeze, when you can hear the crickets begin to sound, and how you can feel at peace.

unfortunately, your peace and quiet was interrupted by your twin brother. “hey, i noticed that you and hoseok totally had a staring contest this morning.”

you rolled your eyes at jimin’s exaggerated statement. “it wasn’t a staring contest, jimin. i was only looking at everyone.”

jimin laughed. “you think you can fool me, y/n?”

you turned to look at him. you glared at him. “nothing happened.”

jimin shook his head, not believing a word. “come on. i know you. i grew up with you, i know all your secrets. i know that something is going on with you. it’s like a twin connection thing.”

you rolled your eyes again, lightly slapped jimin’s shoulder, and continued walking up the slight hill. you and jimin were walking home, and were currently in your neighborhood. you were so close to home. if you hurry and beat jimin there, you could run up to your room and hide. before you even got a few feet away from jimin, he was already grabbing your arm and turning you to face him. “jimin.” you groaned. “your ‘protective older brother’ look is showing.”

this time, it was jimin’s turn to roll his eyes. “y/n, i’m just curious.”

you sighed and looked at jimin. a soft look was in your eyes. “and nothing is going on, okay? i swear. the only thing that has happened is that i accidentally ran into hoseok a few days ago and we both fell. i hurt him, so the next day, i have him a cupcake to make up for it.” little did you know, your reply was an attempt to more convince you that nothing was happening more so than to convince jimin.

jimin eyed you, as if he suspected you of lying or leaving information out. you stared at him, eyes half-lidded and an annoyed expression on your face, as you waited for him. “so that’s what that box was.” he suddenly said.

you nodded. “yep. now can we go home now? i have homework to do.”

jimin let go of your arm and you continued walking. “see? that wasn’t so hard. i don’t see why you hide things from me. it’s not like i’m going to tell anyone.” jimin stated as you and him walked alongside each other. “we’re siblings, we’re twin siblings. it’s okay to have secrets and to tell each other things. i don’t want you hiding things from me, okay?” jimin seemed really sincere, and you couldn’t stay mad or annoyed at him anymore.

your heart softened. “alright.”

jimin smiled happily. “yay!”

----

a few days had passed, and nothing much happened. usually that was okay with you, but you were beginning to feel restless, like you wanted to cause some trouble or be loud and energetic. it was in your genes, probably from your father who was never known to sit still for long. he was always doing something productive or always trying to get you and jimin to do something fun with him. you were naturally a fun person, and loved being goofy and energetic. but you haven’t had a chance to be that way. you sighed as you began to tap your pencil against your notebook. your head rested on your knuckle, and your eyes, though looking at the board, seemed glazed over and spaced out. you weren’t paying attention.

irene noticed, and looked over at you. “hey, are you okay?” she asked as quietly as she could.

you looked over at her. “honestly, i don’t know. i have a lot of pent up energy right now.”

irene nodded before turning back to her notebook. seconds later, she was leaning over to your desk again. “are the boys having practice after school?” she asked.

“yeah, they’re going to be introducing hoseok to everything.” you looked at your best friend as you answered her question. but then, you realized something and a teasing grin grew on your face. “why do you ask?”

she shrugged. “no reason.”

you held in a laugh, knowing you would be caught talking in the middle of a lecture if you laughed. “jimin is going to be there.” you whispered.

you knew about irene’s crush on your twin brother. it made you laugh because she was evidently head over heels for him, and she wasn’t very good at hiding it or acting normal around him. her cheeks reddened and you smiled. “do you want to watch them with me after school?”

she looked at you. “are you sure?”

you nodded. “yeah, i don’t think they’ll mind if i bring a friend along.”

she paused to think before nodding, a smile on her lips. “okay.”

you smiled and turned back to your notes, or rather some random, illegible scribbles with a sprinkle of weird doodles. you haven’t been paying attention recently. and thank the lord irene took amazing notes and got you caught up on the days you missed or didn’t pay attention. you were thankful for irene.

----

after school finally arrived, and you were exhausted from the day. but you were looking forward to watching the boys practice and help hoseok learn his parts and all that. as you were leaving the classroom, you spotted jimin. you ran up to him and yelled, “brother!”

he jumped and let out a small, slightly high-pitched scream. he moved away, trying to back away from the threat. but as soon as his eyes landed on you, he immediately sent you a glare.

you giggled in order to lighten the mood and pretended that nothing had happened. you looked at your brother, asking, “hey, which house are you guys going to practice at?”

“actually, we’re going to be using the school’s dance practice room from now on.”

your eyebrows knitted. “what? the school has one of those?”

he nodded. “we thought it was off limits, but hoseok said his counselor let him use it, so he’s letting us use it now.”

you slowly nodded and then glanced at irene. she was already avoiding jimin’s eyes, or rather his entire face, and was rocking back and forth on her feet. her hands were behind her back, probably to distract herself. you gently nudged her. “irene is coming with me, if that’s okay.”

jimin looked at irene and his posture suddenly changed. he straightened his back as if he was trying to make himself look taller. he glanced at irene, “yeah, that’s okay.”

you grinned and clapped your hands together, “great.”

you, jimin, and irene walked into the practice room together. the others, including hoseok, were already there. they were talking amongst themselves while do some stretches in order to get warmed up. you sighed, feeling slightly exhausted, as you sat down on the floor, irene sliding down next to you. you pulled out your phone to find something to do in the meantime. you didn’t think a lot of dancing was going to happen because they had to redo choreography to songs in order to incorporate hoseok. this was going to be a lot of work, and you knew that. but you had faith in all of them.

an hour passed and music began to play in small increments as they practiced and taught hoseok the first song. they already seemed tired, but much more mentally than physically. as you watched them every once in a while, you tried to watch every member equally, sometimes paying for attention to your brother. but your eyes kept going to hoseok. something about him was drawing you to him. you could see how interested he was, and how hard he concentrated when he practiced, how he paid attention when the members would describe a move and how they would move at a certain part. it was a lot of work, but hoseok showed no signs of quitting or giving up. you admired that.

soon, namjoon called for a break. half a song was done, and hoseok was getting the hang of it. as they sat around, jimin coming over to sit next to you, they talked. “so hoseok, what type of dancing do you do?” seokjin asked.

hoseok glanced at taehyung and jimin. “um, mainly like to hiphop or pop songs. it’s freestyle or dances i choreograph myself.”

the members nodded. you felt jimin jump next to you just as he yelled, “aha! hoseok, why don’t you do those songs you were dancing to when taehyung and i walked in?”

hoseok’s ears grew red. hesitantly, he stood up and plugged in his phone into the stereo. the members moved off of the floor in order to make room for hoseok. he inhaled deeply before playing a song. instantly, his body began to move. his moves were natural and almost hypnotizing. unknowingly as you watched, your phone slipped out of your hand and onto jimin’s lap. you were intrigued. all of your attention was on the man who was dancing so fluidly in front of you. the way hoseok moved, the facial expressions he made, the energy that radiated from him, it gave you a weird feeling in your stomach.

jimin laughed quietly when he felt your phone fall into his lap. he turned to look at you, seeing your eyes following hoseok’s every move. your mouth was hanging open slightly, and he was worried you were going to drool (of course, though, if that did happen, he would do nothing to stop it because it would be funny to him). your twin brother shook his head, a thought popping into his head, ‘and she said nothing was going on.’

as a matter of fact, you were developing a crush on hoseok. and jimin was the only one who could see it.

----

night had rolled in by the time practice was called off by namjoon. hoseok assumed he was the leader of the group. he seemed extremely knowledgeable and smart.

hoseok was tired and his muscles were aching slightly. he desperately needed a shower and he couldn’t stop thinking about his bed at home. everyone packed up their belongings, and everyone began to leave the school in one large group. some of the lights in the school were off, with the exception of major hallways.

hoseok looked around at everyone as they talked, he seemed to be the only one not engaged in conversation. or so he thought. he felt a light tap on his arm and he turned, finding you walking next to him. he smiled lightly. “hey.”

you smiled, “hey.”

slowly, unknowingly, you and hoseok began to hang back and separate from the group.

“um, i really liked your dancing.” you spoke. “that kinda sounded weird, i guess. it sounded a lot better in my head.”

hoseok chuckled. “it’s okay.” he looked at you. “thank you.”

you nodded. “perhaps i liked it a lot. jimin said i was staring at you as you danced.” you sighed, wondering if you should be admitting this to hoseok. “i couldn’t help myself. a weird feeling grew in me as i watched you. i don’t know how to describe it.” you suddenly laughed. “jimin said he thought i was drooling. i don’t know what he’s talking about.”

hoseok stared at the ground below him as you spoke. he listened intently, reacting to something funny every once in a while. he really didn’t know what to say.

you chuckled at yourself when you realized that you had been babbling to him, and hardly any reaction was coming from him. he had hardly said anything to you. “i don’t know what i’m saying. perhaps i’m just sputtering nonsense.”

“no, no, it’s okay. i… i like listening to you.” hoseok said as he turned to look at you.

a blush formed in your cheeks as you met hoseok’s soft gaze. “you do?”

“your voice, it’s very calming.”

you smiled shyly. “i’m glad you think so.”

hoseok himself blushed slightly. his heart was beating fast and he felt tense standing next to you. a comfortable silence fell between you and hoseok as you and him walked together. curiously you looked ahead at the group. you smiled as you saw irene and jimin talking to each other. irene seemed much more comfortable next to him. you sighed. jimin and irene looked good together, but your heart felt heavy.

you slowly turned to look at hoseok. you were having that weird feeling again, the same one you had when hoseok was dancing. it was deeply rooted in your gut, and you even felt it in your heart. this feeling was foreign, and you didn’t know what it was.

“y/n?”

you blinked and found yourself looking into hoseok’s eyes.

he looked at you with concern and worry. “are you okay?”

you laughed sheepishly. “yeah, why?”

he shrugged. “you seem sad or distracted, or just deep in thought. what are you thinking about?”

you averted your gaze to the concrete underneath you. “just...stuff.”

hoseok nodded, but he didn’t know what you meant by your vague answer. he didn’t want to push you though. he was afraid he would annoy you or make you uncomfortable. you and hoseok didn’t speak another word to each other for the rest of the night. as everyone began to break away from the group and walk home, soon it was only you, jimin, and hoseok.

“well, this is where i leave.” hoseok said, breaking the silence.

you and jimin looked at the street hoseok began to head down. “you live close to us. that’s cool.” jimin observed.

hoseok turned around, casually walking backwards, and smiled. “yeah.”

“well, we’ll see you later, hoseok!” jimin yelled.

you waved at hoseok with a shy smile before he turned around again and began to walk away. you sighed as you watched him. jimin looked at hoseok and then back at you. “what did you guys talk about?”

“nothing much. he’s kinda a quiet person.”

jimin nodded. then he took off his jacket and put it over your shoulders. you smiled tiredly at him, putting your arms in the sleeves and adjusting the jacket. it was slightly bigger on you, but it was warm. once you were comfortable, you followed him.

“i noticed you and irene talked.”

jimin smiled,a smile that you knew meant that he was in love. you noticed his light blush in the light of the streetlamps. “yeah. we talked.”

“what about?”

“nothing much.” he said with a shrug.

“wow, so interesting.”

“you said the same thing!” jimin defended.

you laughed. “i know, i know...”

a silence fell over you and jimin. you and him walked home in silence. once inside your house, you and him decided to eat some snacks. he was starving.

as you were eating, you asked, “hey, jimin. can i have hoseok’s number?”

jimin smiled mischievously. “why?”

you stuck out your tongue as a response instead of actually answering him. nonetheless, he handed you his phone. the screen was opened up to hoseok’s contact. you put his number into your phone before giving his phone back. with a sigh, you stood up and removed jimin’s jacket. you placed it on your chair and began to walk away. “i’m going to bed.”

“okay.”

you hurried upstairs to your room. after you changed into your pajamas and did your night routine, you finally slipped into your bed. you pulled your sheets up to your chin before turning on your side. you held your phone in your hand as you stared at hoseok’s contact. you wanted to do something, but you were scared to. however, after a lot of thinking and convincing, you hesitantly pressed the message bubble and typed out a message to hoseok.

‘hey, it’s y/n. i just wanted to say good night :)’

you pressed your eyes closed as you turned your phone off. you were anxious and nervous. your mind was racing. the typical feelings that accompanied a slight crush, especially when you just spoke to that crush. you felt like you couldn’t sleep now, because all you could think about was sending hoseok that message. fortunately for you, just as your brain began to jump into the pool of conclusions and outcomes, your phone lit up. it was a reply from hoseok.

‘good night, y/n :)’ was the reply.

you smiled shyly and pressed a hand to your heart. a simple reply, nothing special, and yet it was beating rapidly. with a heavy breath, you plugged your phone into the charger. then you rolled over in your bed. you tried to go to sleep with a clear mind, but your last thought was hoseok as you slipped into a deep sleep.

----

the sun was warm as it touched hoseok’s skin. his eyes closed as he embraced the warmth of the shining star. there was hardly a breeze in the air, which made sitting on the bench much more enjoyable. he sat there, feeling peaceful and happy for the first time in a long time. he had his earphones in, listening to a slow song, one that he loved. while in this moment of peace, he allowed his mind to wander as it always did. he thought about the past week, how much has changed in such a little time.

hoseok used be quiet and shy and insecure. although he was still like that now, he now had eight friends that he could be around. seokjin, yoongi, namjoon, jimin, taehyung, jungkook, y/n, and even irene. he hardly spoke to irene, but she had been around a lot more. and hoseok didn’t mind. she was y/n’s best friend.

having friends had changed hoseok. he felt like he could be more comfortable and open. he felt that he didn’t have to constantly think about what others were thinking about him. he felt that he had friends to talk to and hang out with. he wasn’t alone anymore. he didn’t have to be quiet and keep to himself anymore. he didn’t have to hide in fear.

suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by one of his earphones leaving his ear. scared, he opened his eyes but found you sitting next to him, a smile on your face, an earphone - his earphone - in your ear. he stared at you in confusion. his facial expression made you laugh.

“what are you thinking about?”

hoseok shrugged. “nothing.”

you looked at him. “that’s a lie. you were sitting here, a smile on your face, looking so peaceful. you couldn’t possibly be thinking about nothing.”

hoseok looked at you. he sighed heavily as you leaned closer to him, anticipating his response. “i’ve just been thinking about you guys. you, jimin, taehyung, namjoon, all of them.” he paused to meet your eyes. you could tell he seemed a bit shy about his response.

you smiled warmly, hoping that it would reassure him. “go on.”

“i never had a ton of friends, y/n. i was always the quiet, weird kid. the one that people never spoke to willingly. i was always too shy to initiate things, and i was insecure and anxious about everything. but then i met you, and the others. you guys are my first real friends, and now, i feel a lot better about myself. i have friends that like to dance and write songs too. i have friends that are loud, and comforting, and friendly, and supportive. i have friends that i can be myself around, where i don’t have to feel afraid.”

you couldn’t stop smiling as hoseok spoke. this was really personal, you could tell. but you were happy, proud even. you grinned widely, and subconsciously you were reaching for hoseok’s hand, which rested on his thigh. you were already holding hoseok’s hand in a comforting, reassuring manner, your thumb gently caressing his skin, when you finally realized what you were doing. your eyes widened, and you looked at hoseok who was staring at the hands. you immediately pulled it away. “i-i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to do that. i mean-” you stuttered, not knowing what to say.

hoseok looked at you. he saw you as the confident, outgoing type, he had always seen you that way, and he admired that. but seeing you now, stuttering and shy, he couldn’t help but smile. he slowly reached over to grab your hand. when you didn’t move away, he interlaced his fingers with yours. he continued to stare at the hands, and you, you were at a loss for words. you were blushing like mad. your cheeks turning into two red cherries. you were surprised.

“hoseok...” you whispered.

he looked at you and smiled, a reddish-pink tint coming to his ears and cheeks. he smiled happily. no words were said. no words needed to be said. you and hoseok sat there in peace and happiness, hands interlocked, earphones playing music. you couldn’t help but smile. holding hoseok’s hand was comforting, and his skin was soft and warm. you wished your could stop time to relish in this moment. it was something you had never felt or experienced before. holding his hand felt right, there was no denying that.

suddenly, the school bell rang, and students began heading into the school to get to class. you cleared your throat and returned hoseok’s earphone. you stood up, hoseok following. hesitantly you released his hand. “i’ll see you around, hoseok.”

he smiled, feeling slightly sad (and awkward… where did his confidence go?) about having to let go of your hand, and nodded. “see you.”

you and hoseok walked inside separately before going in opposite directions, since you and hoseok were in different classes. you sighed as you walked down the hallway. on your way, irene bumped into you. “there you are. i was looking for you.”

you looked at her. “sorry, i was outside.”

“why were you outside?”

you couldn’t help but smile. “because hoseok was outside.”

irene began putting the pieces together and a huge smile grew on her face. she linked her arm with yours as you and her walked towards the classroom. “oh my god!” she yelled. “you’re totally in love with him.”

you didn’t deny it. “perhaps i am.”

“my y/n has a crush.” she claimed happily.

you turned to her. “jimin does too.”

she froze, her smile disappeared. “what do you mean?”

you shrugged and continued to walk, leaving irene behind. “y/n, what are you saying?”

she hurried after you, just as you walked into the classroom. she remained confused for the remainder of class as you refused to answer her questions. seeing how she reacted amused you. she was definitely crazy for jimin, and you knew jimin was crazy for her.

----

lunch finally arrived, after what felt like decades of education, and your stomach couldn’t be happier. you were hungry. and irene was hungry for answers. “y/n.” she whined. “i have endured your silence, but i am dying.”

“i don’t know what else to tell you.” you claimed to her as she walked next to you.

she pouted. “who does jimin have a crush on?”

“it wouldn’t be a secret if i told you.”

she looked at you. an expression that read ‘cut the bullshit’ on her face. “y/n, you know me. i won’t tell anyone.”

you faced your best friend. you felt a bit guilty for teasing her, especially since it was a distraction in order to get her mind off of you and hoseok. now she seemed upset. you wondered if she was thinking that she wasn’t the one that jimin had a crush on. you sighed, “irene, trust me. just wait a little longer.”

she nodded. you smiled reassuringly at her because you had an idea. and you were sure it was going to work. you and irene walked into the lunchroom. together, you sat at a table, sitting across from each other. you and irene pulled out your lunches while waiting for the others to sit. some of the boys brought a lunch while the others were buying lunch.

minutes later, they all arrived and sat down. immediately they began to talk. as you ate, you glanced at irene. she was unusually quiet. and she was stabbing her food rather than eating it. now you were feeling horrible. you didn’t mean to hurt your best friend. but this was your chance. you nudged jimin with your elbow.

jimin looked at you weirdly, just as you aggressively gestured to your phone. he understood and pulled out his phone. you typed a message to jimin:

‘talk to irene. i told her you had a crush on someone and now she’s sad because she doesn’t think it’s her’ you explained.

jimin’s eyes widened. ‘what do you mean i have a crush? who do i have a crush on?’

you rolled your eyes and mentally facepalmed yourself. ‘come on, jimin. i know you like. it’s painfully obvious...’

you heard jimin sigh next to you. you smirked as you waited for his response.

‘alright’.

jimin glanced at irene who was still picking at her food. jimin sighed before slipping his phone back into his pocket. he seemed nervous, and you knew that was a good sign.

“irene, can i talk to you for a second?” jimin asked, a small smile on his face.

she looked up from her lunch in surprised. her eyes met yours before meeting jimin’s again. “s-sure.”

her and jimin left the lunchroom. with a happy sigh, you continued to eat your lunch, waiting patiently for them to comeback. but as you were eating, you felt like someone was watching you. curious, and slightly uncomfortable, you looked up and looked at all the members. and there hoseok was, immediately becoming flustered when you met his eyes. he immediately looked away flustered. his cheeks gradually turned pink, and yours mirrored his. you felt your stomach flip nervously. you looked at your food, trying to get your mind off of hoseok. but you remembered what had happened that morning, and you smiled.

it wasn’t long before jungkook, who was sitting diagonally from you, reached over and excitedly tapped your hand. “y/n, look, look, look.”

you turned around in your seat to see irene and jimin entering the lunchroom...holding hands. you smiled happily as you spotted irene’s radiant cheeks and happy smile. jimin looked similar with a large grin plastered on his face. as they walked closer, you began to clap. “look at you two go!”

irene was blushing crazily, and you smiled happily as you noticed the wide, bright smile on her face. you were a matchmaker, despite already knowing their crushes on each other. still, you were proud.

jimin grinned as he sat down next to you. “so we’re dating now.”

you grinned and pointed at the two, “i did that ya’ll.”

jimin shook his head while rolling his eyes, a smile on his face, and continued eating.

----

the day finally came to an end. you stood up from your seat and began putting your things into your backpack.

“hey.” you heard from next to you.

you turned to look at irene, who had a sweet smile on her face. she was packing up her stuff as well, but was looking at you. “thank you.” she spoke with a genuine smile.

you returned the smile. “it was nothing.”

she chuckled. “you told me to wait, and i understand why. turned out, you were trying to get me and jimin together. i still can’t believe it.”

you turned to her and pulled her into a tight embrace. “whatever makes you happy, irene.”

she grinned and scrunched her nose playfully. “i love you.” she sang.

“i love you too.” you sang back.

you laughed when irene cringed a bit. then, you turned back to your stuff and zipped up your backpack. you and irene left the classroom together. as you and irene walked down the hallway, you spotted your brother jimin, down the hall standing next to hoseok’s locker. you grabbed irene’s hand and led her over there.

“hey boys.” you greeted.

jimin smiled at you before looking at irene. “hey.”

you smiled at the both of them.

“y/n,” jimin began. “are you okay with walking home alone?”

you looked at jimin, confused. “why?”

he looked at irene. “i want to take irene out on a date.”

irene was surprised, and a blush crept up in her cheeks.

you looked at the both of them. although you were fine with them together, you loved walking home with your brother. you didn’t necessarily like being alone. but, nevertheless, you smiled and nodded. “yeah. i’ll be fine. you guys go ahead.”

jimin nodded and leaned over to press a slight kiss to your cheek. “see ya, sis.”

you nodded and let go of irene’s hand. jimin immediately replaced your hand and began leading irene away from you and hoseok. they seemed to be happy, but now, you couldn’t help but think irene and jimin, your closest friends (and sibling) weren’t always going to be around you anymore. they were together now. you sighed, feeling your heart sink. you turned back to hoseok who was just closing his locker. the atmosphere between you and hoseok seemed a bit tense and awkward, and it was incredibly impactful after what had happened and the unspoken feelings that were felt. you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes.

“are you okay?” he asked.

you hesitantly look up at hoseok, attempting at a smile but it faltered. “honestly, i don’t think so. my best friend and my twin brother are dating now. i love them to death, and i am so happy that they’re dating, but now, i feel like they…” you paused, unsure of how to word your next sentence. “i feel like they won’t have time for me, or that i won’t see them anymore. perhaps… perhaps i’m jealous that they’re a couple, while i’m here, a loner.”

hoseok stared at you. “i don’t think irene and jimin are capable of leaving you alone and abandoning you. they love you, y/n. jimin is your twin brother, there isn’t a relationship that can beat a twins’ relationship. they are just starting out too, so maybe over time, things will die down and return back to normal.”

you smiled slightly, knowing that hoseok was just trying to cheer you up. “i don’t think things will ever go back to normal.”

“do you want me to walk you home?”

you met hoseok’s eyes. hesitantly, you nodded. “if that’s okay with you.”

“i don’t have any plans.”

hoseok smiled and you smiled in return. “okay.”

you turned around and started heading in the other direction, hoseok following next to you. the walk to your house was kinda quiet, with only a few instances of small talk here and there. you didn’t mind. you enjoyed hoseok’s presence. but there was one thing that was bothering you. you and hoseok haven’t talked about the whole hand-holding thing from earlier, as if it was an unspoken rule to not talk about it.

your heart was beating faster than normal, and you knew it wasn’t because of the slight hill that always managed to make your legs sore no matter how many times you climbed it. it was because of hoseok. you knew that.

you looked at hoseok. “did you not like this morning?” you bluntly asked.

hoseok looked at you, his eyebrows coming together. “what do you mean?”

your heart sinks. he had already forgotten about it. “that thing we had, what we felt... we held hands, and not in a platonic way. it was,” you paused, “romantic.”

hoseok turned away. his body suddenly seemed rigid, and he seemed nervous. “oh. that.”

you sighed, feeling a pain in your chest. you felt angry, upset at yourself. you looked ahead, wanting to not look at hoseok anymore. you noticed that hoseok’s street was coming up. you turned to face hoseok. “you can go home now.” you said monotonously.

“what do you mean?” hoseok asked, pain in his voice.

you shook your head. “you don’t have to force yourself to be with me.”

“y/n-”

“it’s okay. i’ll be fine. go home.”

you turned to walk away. you couldn’t get him off of your mind, and it was almost agonizing. you were beginning to realize that you had strong feelings for hoseok. and you thought he liked you the same way you liked him, in a romantic, in love kind of way. and this morning, you were sure he felt it too; the connection you two had, the feeling that was shared. but, after that short conversation you had with hoseok just now, how he had already forgotten that moment, the moment that had impacted you so much. you were wrong.

as you walked away, forcing yourself to keep going, you heard footsteps behind you. your heart sank even deeper. he really was going home. hell, you told him to. but every girl sometimes says something when they want the opposite to happen.

leave me alone. you don’t want them to leave you alone.

go away. you don’t want them to go.

go home. you don’t want to be left alone.

however, just as a stray tear slipped out of your eye and fall down your cheek, a hand grasped your arm and spun your body around. your heart pounded at the sudden action, and your eyes widened. for a second, you thought that someone was attempting to kidnap you. but you saw hoseok’s face as he stood in front of you, his hand on your arm. you were shocked. “hoseok?”

he seemed surprised by his own actions. “i’m-i’m sorry.” he whispered.

your eyebrows knitted together as you tried to figure out what he was talking about. “why? for what?”

he shrugged his shoulders. “for everything.” his voice was deep and quiet. hoseok was nervous, you could tell. his eyes would bounce from your own to the concrete ground beneath him. his feet would shift and he would bite his bottom lip every few seconds.

you were worried about him.

“y/n, i like you...a lot.”

your eyes widened. were you hearing this correctly? were you so deep in denial and pain that you were imagining what you wanted to hear?

he continued, “that moment we shared this morning, it was something that i have never felt in my entire life. it was unusual, but i liked it. i like how it feels to be with you, to talk to you, to sit next to you… just seeing you, i get that feeling. my stomach gets weird, like i have butterflies or something. my heart beats quite fast when i’m next to you. i think it’s the same exact feeling you had a few days ago when i danced in front of you.” he met your eyes finally, as if he was feeling a sudden burst of confidence, and he smiled. “at first i thought i was having a stroke, but i soon realized that i was just falling in love with you. ever since that day when you collided into me, i could not get you off of my mind.” his voice gradually got quieter and softer.

you were blushing. your entire body felt hot, but you seemed to be frozen. “hoseok,” you began, “i’m so happy.” you mentally slapped yourself for your response, but you continued to speak. “i was suspecting that you liked me too, if we’re going to be honest, and i think that moment we had this morning proved it. but, for a second there, i thought you had forgotten about it, as if you didn’t think anything of it,  as if it meant nothing to you.”

hoseok shook his head and released your arm in order to grab your hands. he held them tightly. “no, no, i think i was still processing it. i was also feeling extremely nervous about the whole thing.”

you smiled. “well, this definitely changes things between us, doesn’t it?”

hoseok was blushing too, and you couldn’t help but stare. he looked absolutely adorable, so innocent, and sweet. the man you had fallen in love with. suddenly, you were taking a step closer to him, with caution in case you accidentally made hoseok uncomfortable. his eyes were on yours, and slowly, you were getting closer to him. you stood up on your tiptoes. “is this okay?” you whispered.

hoseok swallowed hard. “i mean, yeah, but i must warn you-”

before he could finish his thought, you were gently pressing your lips onto hoseok’s. you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down. hoseok was shocked at the action. he didn’t know what to do, but he couldn’t stop himself. soon he was wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing you back.

you pulled away with a pink-toned blush on your cheeks. you looked at hoseok, staring into his eyes. he seemed extremely flustered, and it made you smile.

“that, uh, that was my first kiss.” he admitted awkwardly.

“yeah, it was mine too.”

hoseok smiled, a wave of reassurance washing over him, and nodded. “well, should we get you home?”

“i guess.”

hoseok nodded and began to walk in the direction of your house. you followed after him.

you couldn’t fight the smile on your face. everything seemed to be a dream, despite you knowing that it wasn’t. as you walked along the sidewalk, you glanced at hoseok. “can i… can i hold your hand?”

hoseok was slightly surprised by your request, but his mind pictured that morning again. that moment that was shared between you two, how you two held hands under the sun. that feeling, it was special. it was something that hoseok wanted to feel with you, and only you, forever. hoseok hesitantly reached for your hand, holding it for a second before intertwining his fingers with yours. you looked down and smiled happily.

no words were shared for the rest of the walk, until you arrived at your house. you were a bit sad that you couldn’t spend more time with hoseok. as hoseok stood in front of you at the door, you and him didn’t seem to want to let go. “i’ll see you tomorrow, hoseok.”

he smiled and nodded. “yeah, i’ll see you.”

you hesitantly released hoseok’s hand and smiled at him before turning around and unlocking the door. you slipped inside your house and closed the door. that was when you released your breath. you couldn’t stop smiling at everything that had happened today. the moment with hoseok, getting irene and jimin together, hoseok confessing to you, and that kiss… everything was magical. today had been magical.

----

a few hours later, you were sitting on your bed, attempting to read a book that a teacher had assigned for everyone to read as homework. but you kept getting distracted. your mind kept drifting over to hoseok. you just couldn’t focus. you have probably read the same paragraph four times.

you heard a knock on your door. good! a distraction. you looked up just as jimin peeked his head in. “i’m home.” he sang.

“took you long enough. that was quite a long date.”

jimin blushed. he couldn’t defend himself, so he just shrugged. he was about to turn and leave, but you called out his name. you had a wide grin on your face, and it made jimin suspicious. he eyed you with narrowing eyes, “what happened?” he asked, coming inside and closing your door behind him.

he walked over and sat on your bed.

you replied, “i walked home with hoseok.”

jimin seemed to understand everything just with that statement. “oh…”

“but that’s not all. but, i won’t tell you unless you tell me about your and irene’s date.”

jimin glared at you before sighing. “fine.”

and so it began. you told jimin about everything that had happened. you knew it was personal, but jimin was your twin. you and jimin had an extremely close connection after all, and that meant that you and jimin shared everything with each other. when you finished, your cheeks were radiating heat, and you were squealing happily. jimin couldn’t help but laugh. “oh, well, sit tight. my story is a bit…eh.” he inhaled deeply. “so i took irene to the noodle shop that’s only a few blocks away from the school. nothing too serious or anything. we ate some noodles, talked about ourselves and shared stories and got to know each other more. i swear, i fell in love with her, like, ten times in a span of ten minutes.” jimin smiled passionately. “but, after that, we didn’t want to go home yet. so we went to the park and found a nice tree to sit underneath and pass the time. again, nothing too serious or anything.” you laughed lightly as you listened to your brother. “well, as we sat there, this weird, intense silence fell between us. we were just sitting there, looking at the sky, and she turns to me. and i don’t know what to do other than stare at her. and suddenly,” jimin paused as a blush crept up in his face. “and suddenly she’s kissing me. but, this isn’t just some kiss. okay, it made me feel weird, happy, rebellious even. i don’t even know how to describe the feeling i got. but that isn’t all, y/n. we started to make out, like, intensely. we were just there, casually making out under a tree in a park.” jimin had to pause to recover, he still seemed to be in a daze. “so yeah, that’s kinda why we were out for a long time.”

you were absolutely shocked at jimin’s story. “oh my god!” you screamed.

jimin immediately hushed you. “shhh! mom and dad might hear you.”

“jimin, this is a big deal. i mean, hoseok and i just kissed, and it was short. but you and irene had a fucking makeout session. that’s just… damn. i am so proud of you.” you were surprised and happy.

jimin shook his head. his cheeks were red in color, probably from remembering what had happened and from being embarrassed about it.

“you and irene, i swear.” you continued, “i never took your two for the type.”

“what do you mean by that?” jimin asked.

you shook your head. “never mind.”

a comfortable silence enveloped you and jimin as you and him sat on your bed. as you were left alone with your thoughts, however, you couldn’t help but smile. “look at us go.” you mumbled.

jimin looked at you. “what?”

you gestured to the general air around you. “look at us, i mean. both of us. we both have someone in our lives now. you have irene, and i have hoseok. almost at the same time. how funny is that.”

jimin chuckled lightly. “yeah. that’s pretty wack.”

you laughed at jimin, before getting serious. “when do you think we should tell mom and dad?”

“maybe when things gets settled and more official?” he suggested while wincing.

you shook your head. “yeah. let’s wait.”

----

the next day, you and jimin arrived at school together. as you walked onto school grounds, irene came running towards you. “y/n!” she screamed happily and threw her arms around you.

you laughed and held her tightly, spinning her around playfully. jimin laughed at you and irene. after irene let go, she shyly went to jimin’s side and he grabbed her hand. “hey.” he greeted.

she smiled. “hey.”

“hey,” you said, grabbing their attention. you immediately felt like a third wheel, and you were not having any of that. “just because we’re all dating someone now doesn’t mean we all should stop hanging out, okay? we should go on double dates, and all that couple-y stuff.” you eyed jimin in particular, a threatening expression on your face. “and i would like to hangout with my best friend still.”

jimin’s cheeks flushed. “yeah, yeah.” he mumbled, earning a laugh from irene.

suddenly, though, irene was hitting your shoulder and forcing you to turn around. “there’s hoseok.”

you blushed slightly before turning back around to look at her. “i forgot to tell you, we had a moment last night too.”

her eyes widened. “you did? i need details.”

“i’m sure jimin can enlighten you. i’m going to go.” you said, gesturing behind you (in particular in hoseok’s direction).

jimin and irene grinned and watched you walk away before turning around and heading into the school. you remained outside where hoseok was. he had walked onto the school grounds and sat down on the bench, the same bench as yesterday. you wondered if he had seen you or not. still, you decided to go to him.

you practically skipped over to him. as you sat down, you nearly scared hoseok… again. he jumped and leaned away, ripping his earphones out of his ears. you laughed at his reaction.

once he realized it was you, he pouted. “you’ve got to stop doing that. it isn’t funny.”

you looked at him, a smile still on your face. “i’m sorry.”

he eyed you before sitting up straight and putting in one earphone. he offered you the other one and you took it, putting it in your ear. it was the same song as yesterday, from the morning when you and hoseok held hands and first realized your feelings for each other. it was a soft, summery song. it was growing on you. and, of course, now it symbolized a special moment.

“hey.” hoseok suddenly said, turning his body to you. “do you want to hang out after school?”

you stared at him. “yeah, i do. do you have anything in mind?”

he sighed as he fished his brain for ideas. “no.”

you laughed. “we’ll figure it out when we get there.”

hoseok nodded and turned back, sitting on the bench properly. “how’s everything with jimin and all them?” you asked out of curiosity. “are you getting accustomed to everything? do you had parts, lines, etc? do you know the choreographies yet?”

“that’s a lot of questions.” hoseok laughed. “but yeah, everything is going great. it’s beginning to feel like i had been there forever. it’s as if we’ve been friends for years instead of weeks. and i’m a fast learner, so everything is going okay.”

you nodded. “that’s good. when’s the next practice?”

hoseok shrugged. “i don’t know. namjoon can’t really schedule them anymore since jimin and i have recently became...” hoseok looked at you with a slight blush in his cheeks, “occupied.”

you rolled your eyes. “yeah… occupied.”

there was a moment of silence, between you two as a song played in your ears. “hey, hoseok.”

he looked at you. “hmm.”

“can i call you my boyfriend now?”

hoseok began to blush. “is that what i am?”

“i would hope so.”

he laughed. “yeah. yeah, i’m your boyfriend now.”

you were the one blushing now. “well, i’m your girlfriend now. i just felt that we had to establish that or else i would be paranoid about it.”

hoseok nodded understandingly. after a few more minutes outside, the bell rang. students began to file inside and head to class. you pouted.

hoseok grabbed your hand and stood up, taking the earphone out of your ear and putting away his earphones. “let’s go.”

you and hoseok walked inside hand-in-hand. you earned some stares from other students. you didn’t mind, but when you glanced at hoseok, you noticed that he was uncomfortable. you pulled him closer to you, and squeezed his hand. “hey, it’s okay.” you reassured. “it won’t last long.”

he looked at you before nodding.

you got to your class first, since hoseok wanted to be a gentleman and drop you off. you kissed his cheek. “i’ll see you later.”

he smiled. “at lunch.”

you nodded. “yeah, at lunch.”

after one last squeeze of his hand, he turned around and headed down the hall to his classroom. you sighed contently and made your way to your seat. irene was already there. you sat down and pulled out your things. while you opened your notebook, she nudged your side, her eyebrows wiggling up and down. you rolled your eyes in a playful manner.

she grinned before turning to her own notebook. you smiled lightly as you stared at the board in front of you.

the chatter around you seemed to be tuned out as you escaped into your mind. you were happy with the way things were going. you never expected it. you thought back to the day you fell onto hoseok by accident. back then, you didn’t think you would ever talk to hoseok ever again, let alone have feelings for him. but that was the kind of life you liked to live: one where you had to expect the unexpected, one where things could happen out of nowhere.

---

[epilogue]

two months later

you could the crickets chirping outside. a light breeze blew into your bedroom from your open window. it caused you to sink lower and tug on the blankets. you sighed happily before tightening your embrace and cuddling into hoseok’s side more. he laughed quietly and pulled your closer. his arm was wrapped around your neck, and your head was using his bicep as a pillow.

hoseok had snuck into your window that night. it was something that he had been doing since you haven’t told your parents about him yet. you liked the feeling it gave you. like it was a big secret, like you were doing something bad, sneaking around illegally. really hoseok was just coming over at midnight through your window to cuddle with you.

you stared mindlessly at your desk across the room. your fingers traced weird shapes and random words on hoseok’s chest. meanwhile hoseok was staring at the ceiling, but he was thinking.

“y/n.” his quiet, hushed voice sliced through the comfortable silence.

you hummed as a response, letting him know that you were listening.

“what do you like about me?”

you paused, your eyebrows knitting in confusion and concern. you adjusted yourself to look up at hoseok. he was still staring at the ceiling while you got a nice view of his chin and jawline. you inhaled deeply, “well, where do i even start? you’re kind, warmhearted, respectful, goofy, bighearted. i like a lot of things about you, hoseok.”

hoseok sighed.

“what’s wrong?” you asked him, moving off if his chest to see his face.

he shook his head as he met your eyes. “nothing.” he replied with a smile. “just thinking.”

“might i add… you’re also very attractive. you got this very sharp jawline,” your index finger traced his jawline, “you have very fluffy hair,” you moved your body to lay on top of hoseok so that you could use both of your hands to run your fingers through his hair, and brush his bangs out of his face, “and you have the softest lips in the world.” slowly, you pressed your lips onto hoseok’s.

you pulled away, a light popping sound resonating from your lips. you blushed as you smiled down at hoseok. he reciprocated your smile and simply stared at you.

“do you want me to continue?”

he nodded.

you smiled. “well, i also like how you’re also, like, my polar opposite.”

“explain that.” hoseok said with a confused laugh.

you blushed. “what i mean is, we are the epitome of opposites attract. i’m outgoing, you’re rather reserved. i can be quite loud, and i sometimes won’t hear a peep from you. i don’t mind attention, and you despise attention, under certain circumstances of course. but i think we’re really good for each other.”

hoseok smiled passionately. “i love you.”

“i love you too.”

you leaned down to press a kiss to hoseok’s lips. but just as your lips touched his, there was a tiny knock on your door. your eyes widened. immediately you rolled off of hoseok as he tried to sit up. “hurry. go.” you whispered yelled as hoseok grabbed his shoes and tried to leave out the window but it was too late.

“y/n, why is hoseok in the window?”

you turned to see jimin. he must of just woken up, judging by his swollen and squinting eyes, along with his hoarse voice. you gulped. “what are you doing up? and why are you here?”

“i heard mumbling in hear, assumed you were talking to someone. hey, hoseok.” jimin casually greeted.

hoseok, still frozen in window, waved. “hey.”

you looked at how casual they were acting. you shook your head. “please don’t tell mom and dad.”

jimin scoffed. “who do you think i am?” he began closing the door. “you can stay hoseok.”

you were surprised. perhaps it was because jimin was half asleep. but you weren’t complaining. hoseok awkwardly climbed back inside. “well, he ruined that moment.”

you nodded. “yep.”

“do you want to sleep?”

you eyed him with a suggestive look on your face. “if you’re here with me.”

hoseok smiled, but it didn’t last long. “if i sleep here, though, i could be caught.” hoseok moved over to your side. “keep in mind my parents don’t know that i’m sneaking out.”

you sighed. “well, i guess you shouldn’t stay then.”

hoseok looked at you. “but, tomorrow we’ll go out for breakfast.”

“okay.” you replied with a blush and a smile.

hoseok pecked your lips before climbing out the window once more. “good night, y/n.”

you laughed lightly. “good night.” you whispered.

you watched as hoseok slipped away from your house with ease. you sighed tiredly and closed your window. you slid back under your covers and got comfortable. with a slight smile on your face, you closed your eyes. you thought about hoseok. the talk you just had with him about what you liked. it made your feelings for him stronger. and you knew it reassured him, especially since he was still on the insecure side of the scale. finally, you slipped into a deep sleep, once again with hoseok on your mind.

[sarakuper]

Cali; the salsa capital

Stop #10, February 11-17

We landed in Cali late Tuesday night and got to our hostel, The Pelican Larry. Our “private bedroom” was awkwardly filled with one queen bed and two sets of bunk beds… and a bunch of skeeters!

Wednesday we walked around, ate a delish vegetarian lunch, and attempted to go to the river to cool down. After traveling about 45 minutes by bus, we waited for next one we needed to take, but it never showed. There’s a chance this bus only ran on Saturday’s but honestly we weren’t too sure. It was already 4pm by the time we decided to turn around, since we were warned to leave the river by 5 for safety. Even though our plans for the day totally failed, I still thought the bus system here is actually pretty impressive. 

Back at the hostel other travelers, including 3 German girls traveling on their gap year, invited us to visit Cristo Rey to watch the sunset. We ended up being a group of 8, taking two cabs to get there. We enjoyed the views and the sunset, then Sean, myself and two others went for a vegan dinner in town that was cheap and yummy. 

That night several of us played games at the hostel around a big table and eventually got ready to go out for salsa. We went to La Topa Tolondra, a famous salsa club. I thought I knew some salsa from when I traveled in Peru but Cali salsa is so different!!! I knew almost nothing of the dance moves. Cali is known for salsa and their nightlife so even though Sean and I are early birds, I did my best to embrace this. Sean wasn’t thrilled to go out, especially for salsa, but he came for me. 

The next day we slept in late missing the free (and basic) breakfast by the hostel. I spent all day working on some applications for jobs while Sean did Duolingo for hours. I didn’t know it until later but he was very determined to exceed my XP. Only duolingo-ers will understand that reference (Sue gets it)! The rest of the day was spent working on extending our travel visa and participating in an interview to volunteer at the spanish school we went to when we first arrived in Colombia. In the evening I joined the free intro to Cali Salsa dance class offered by the hostel. It was actually pretty fun, and a nice way to meet other travels too. And after learning all the basic steps, of course I wanted to go ahead and practice what I learned! 

Later that night many of us went out again, and since I felt safe to go with this group of people Sean stayed back since it was not interesting to him. The salsa bar we went to this night was called Tintindeo and was so much fun! I enjoyed it much more than the other salsa club because it felt more like a bar you could hang out in and also dance salsa with a lot less intimidation. The salsa club from the previous night was slightly awkward in that you were either dancing salsa or awkwardly watching along the side lines. Tintindeo has fun lights, and all of the salsa teachers were there (probably to encourage people to purchase private salsa lessons with them) and they were amazing to dance with! Of course they know you are learning, but some are better than others in leading and two of the teachers in particular made me feel like I knew what the hell I was doing!! By the end of the night I was super sweaty; I knew I had tried my best! 

Around 1 am the bar came to a close and the group I was with wanted to head to a raggaeton club nearby. Since it was considerably early I went along, but when I got there I felt like it was sketchy and the best of the night was behind us. I’ve learned that usually “the next place” is never as good as the first when the first one was a blast. So why stay out? I decided to leave, and so a friend put me in a cab to assure I’d get back safe. During the ride I followed the blue dot on my phone on google maps to ensure the driver was taking me to the right place. All was good, and even though Sean locked me out of the room on accident, the 24 hour host was able to let me in. 

There had been a lot of talk about ELN, a guerrilla group still remaining in Colombia, engaging in a violent protest from Friday - Sunday, February 14-16. Talk was that the cities were safe, but the small towns outside the city were not. We heard of tourists being told not to take busses between cities for their own safety. Afraid of this threat, we decided to extend our initial 3 day visit to Cali into a 6 day visit. We changed hostels on Friday and stayed until Monday morning, when it was reportedly safe to travel again.

This next hostel, Green House, was very quiet and relaxed. There were only 3 other tourists staying, 2 of them being Israeli’s on their gap year after the army. I love meeting Israeli’s because I feel like I have so much to talk about with them; being jewish, my family in Israel, and having visited the country many times. Usually when I travel to Central or South AmericaI meet many Israeli’s, but being there for 2 months at this point, these two were the first ones we met! 

After attempting to cook some version of the delicious lentil patties we’ve been eating (total fail btw) we got ready to go out to experience another club, this time not for Salsa. After reading a lot about Cali I understand now that their nightlife really is the main attraction of visiting Cali, and so this would be my 3rd night in a row going out! Sean was being a trooper and coming along with me. I had hoped the lack of salsa would make it more interesting for him. 

I had a few drinks with the Israeli’s while we talked a bunch. Sean didn’t feel like joining the conversation even though I tried to include him time and time again, as did the two Israeli’s, he didn’t budge. Sometimes it’s hard because I absolutely love socializing (when I actually like the people), and traveling as a couple makes it slightly harder to socialize than when I had traveled alone in the past. Anyway, Sean and I eventually went out to La Pergola which had a $20.000 cover (about $6). Even though this is quite expensive, we weren’t buying drinks there and were really going for the experience. As we approached the club in our cab we could hear the music from down the street. There was a long line to get in that moved surprisingly quickly. The club was huge and completely open having great views of the surrounding city. There were 3 floors playing different types of music, and really was a sight to see. It was especially fun when a very popular latin song came on and everyone in the club sang it together. We stayed until 1am before hopping into a cab back to the hostel.

The rest of the weekend, we spent our time just hanging out trying to avoid the serious heat of this place. By 1pm it gets so hot, all you can think about is swimming. By 2pm we left for a cab to Acuaparque de la Cana to spend the late afternoon in a children/family water park. We felt like teenagers having fun on all the watersides, walking around in our swim suits, eagerly checking out the next fun thing to do. One of Sean’s favorite was the zip line where you hung (together) on a bar that zip lines above a pool. You have to let go before it reaches the end plopping you right into the water! We did this one several times throughout the day. 

We did other rides as well including a high and long waterslide. Sean and I went on a slide, side by side, and my slide gave me a huge wedgie just before it shot me into the pool. Sean loved that one too, but I could not handle that level of discomfort again and so I chose to pass on repeating it. Another fun one was the toilet bowl (or at least that’s what we called it when we visited waterparks at camp)! We rented a two person tube that shot us through a tube spitting you out into a “bowl” that you flung around and around until you made it to the bottom. That one was super fun :) The last ride of the day for us was the wave pool, since it was 5pm and everything else was closing. It was fun and enjoyable until Sean realized how dirty the pool was and how much hair was in the water (LOL). 

Our last day in Cali we waited for the heat to pass before heading out for a bite and some walking around. We walked through the [very strange] cat statues, as well as a lovely park for people watching. Our time in Cali was fun, but now it’s time to leave (hopefully to somewhere less hot)!

Thanks for reading fam, love you all.

[spidermecc]

Unintentional love (Elu fake dating AU) Ch. 2 - Mon mec

In order to get rid of Chloe, Eliott and Lucas pretend to be dating. But how long will it be just pretend?

Chapter 2 of my Elu fake dating AU is ready. Find it on AO3 here!  Feedback, constructive criticism and general comments are more than welcome!

Chapter 2: Mon mec  Lucas woke up, feeling like shit. When he'd gotten home last night, all he wanted to do was go into his room and hide under his covers, never to resurface again. How did a simple foyer meeting turn into such a mess? He was still not over the courage of this guy - Eliott. Just casually telling some girl he didn't know, that he was dating Lucas, a guy he'd met only five minutes ago.

Although Lucas felt horrible for hurting Chloe's feelings, he couldn't help but feel grateful for Eliott. He'd finally gotten rid of her, even though it wasn't exactly supposed to go down like this, he still felt like a chip had been lifted off his shoulders.

But Lucas couldn't help the nagging feeling he got when he thought of how annoyed Eliott looked when Chloe was hitting on him. He had been focusing so intensely on Chloe that Lucas couldn't help but think that Eliott was interested in her. But then, why tell her he's dating a guy?

Gosh, it was too early in the morning for this shit, Lucas thought as he pulled the covers over his face, planning on sleeping the entire weekend away.

__

Lucas was sitting in French class, barely paying attention to what the teacher was saying. French was his least favorite subject, mainly because he found it boring as hell and he was definitely more into biology and math. The boys always teased him, calling him a weirdo for liking math, but they weren't complaining when he helped them with their homework.

Lucas looked out the window, watching Daphné and Manon having a, semingly very interesting, conversation on the bench outside. He smiled to himself. The girls had really become some of his closest friends lately, and even though he would never admit it, he secretly loved gossiping and drinking wine with them on Friday nights.

Suddenly Lucas noticed a tall messy-haired figure passing by the bench. His heart skipped a beat. It was Eliott. His blue-eyed mystery savior. Well, maybe savior was a bit of a stretch, but Lucas definitely thought that he should find him later today and thank him. He hadn't had any luck finding him on social media during the weekend. He spent almost two hours searching for every Eliott in Paris, but no hit. The guy really was a mystery.

Lucas was interrupted by a vibration from his phone. It was from the gang, in their group chat.

Basile: What the fuck Lucas, you're dating the new guy??

Lucas froze. Fuck, who had told him? Arthur: Yeah I heard some girls talking about it as well. You finally managed to trick a guy into dating you?

Putain, this wasn't good. Both Basile and Arthur had heard it, which must mean that people were talking about it. Fuck, he should have texted Chloe Friday after she left, clearing the air.

Another vibration went off on his phone. A private message from Yann:

Yann: Dude what’s all this with you dating the new guy? Why didn’t you tell me anything?

Lucas was really starting to panic right now, what was he supposed to do? Should he just tell them all that it was a misunderstanding? But what about Chloe, she’d apparently told everyone, and if he didn’t stick to the story, she’d probably tell everyone what a liar and asshole he was. Fuck this, Lucas thought as he typed a reply to Yann:

Lucas: Yeah, but it’s all pretty new so that’s why I didn’t tell you. I wanted to wait, but apparently the rumors got ahead of me haha

He closed the conversation and opened the group chat

Lucas: Calm down guys. It’s true, but we’ve only met up a few times

More like 5 minutes, Lucas thought to himself, as he continued his reply;

Lucas: Can you just keep cool, it’s nothing serious.

Exactly 30 seconds went by, when a new text popped up

Yann: Shit, I’m so happy for you bro, you deserve this. Bring him to the party on Friday, yeah?

Basile: Yes you have to bring him!! We need to meet your new mec

Arthur: Tell him that weed is on me!

Basile: Wait did you guys bone yet??

Arthur: Basile please stop or we’ll block your number

Lucas quickly closed the chat as the bell rang and he basically ran out of the classroom to the nearest restroom. He was completely fucked, what did he do? He shouldn’t have told the guys that it was true. He should definitely have told them the truth, but that meant telling them that he was strictly into guys and that’s why he needed to get rid of Chloe, and he didn’t really feel like doing that right now either.

Okay think Lucas, think. What to do? The truth was that he already knew what he had to do, but oh dear god how he wished he could avoid it. Truth be told, he did really want to see Eliott again and unravel the mystery that he seemed to be. But going up to a devilishly handsome guy, and asking him to pretend to be dating you, at a party with your friends, wasn’t really on Lucas’ to do list today.

Fuck it, he was going to do it. He would find Eliott after school and ask him. After all, Eliott was the one that had gotten them into this mess right? If he hadn’t said anything, Lucas would have made up some girls’ name and Chloe would have left him alone. But that would also have meant that Eliott and him probably wouldn’t talk again. Did Eliott know this was going to happen?

Snap out of it Lucas, of course he didn’t, he’s not a clairvoyant. Although Lucas wouldn’t put anything past him at this point. He’d only met and talked to him for five minutes and he had left Lucas shook for the next 48 hours. How was he even going to be able to have a proper conversation, let alone ask him out on a fake-date, after school?

__

Lucas spent the rest of the day hiding from his friends while simultaneously looking for Eliott, which wasn’t an easy task. Their school was pretty big and he had absolutely no idea where to start looking. Would he be eating his lunch in the cafeteria? What people would he be hanging out with? Was he the outdoor type who brought his lunch out on the benches in the school yard? Lucas didn’t know anything about the boy except that he was drop dead gorgeous, and apparently his boyfriend now, at least to everyone else.

After his last class, Lucas had given up on finding Eliott. He had looked everywhere, been to every corridor in school, but no sign of Eliott. He couldn’t really ask anyone, I mean asking what classes your supposed boyfriend went to, seemed a bit suspicious, no?

He had managed to get through the day without bumping into the gang, sending them a text saying he wouldn’t be able to make lunch because he had to study at the library. The library was the only place he hadn’t been to, so he thought he’d try his luck before he went home and tried again tomorrow.

The library was in the school basement, a place he’d never set his foot during the two years he’d gone to school. He was pretty sure no one actually went to the library, and he imagined it as a dark and dusty room, almost like something out of a horror movie.

To his surprise the library was surprisingly nice. The librarian was sitting behind her desk reading a book, looking up and smiling at him. He smiled back and went inside. He walked directly to the section with the tables and computers. There was no one there. Lucas sighed and got ready to leave, when he saw a section that caught his attention ‘literature on music’. He walked through the section, his fingers gliding along the dusted books, thinking back to his childhood. How his mother and him would spend hours listening to different kinds of music, talking about one particular song for hours, listening to it over and over again until they both knew the words by heart.

“Hey you” a voice said in a hushed voice

Lucas looked down and there he was.. Eliott. Sitting with his back against the radiator, pencils and notebooks scattered everywhere, covered in drawings of some sort of animal that looked like a rat with a mask on, from where Lucas was standing.

Lucas had thought about Eliott more times than he was willing to admit, this weekend. His messy hair, his blue eyes, his angelic smile. But his memory had completely failed him. Because Eliott was so much more dashing than he remembered him. Sitting there with a pencil behind his right ear, another one in his mouth, chewed down. He was wearing a white t-shirt, with the sleeves rolled up, showing off his biceps, where the veins were painfully visible. Lucas swallowed, his mouth felt dry as a desert.

“Hey” he managed to say “I didn’t think anyone actually used the library” he continued, desperate to start a conversation.

Eliott laughed, a genuine and beautiful laugh.

“Yeah I’m a bit chelou like that” he giggled and continued; “What are you doing here then?”

Lucas swallowed again. Okay here goes all or nothing he thought.

“I was actually looking for you”

“Oh?” Eliott looked genuinely puzzled.

“Yeah, I um- wanted to talk to you.. about uhm, what happened Friday night” he managed.

The playful smile was back on Eliott’s face.

“What happened?” he smirked.

Putain, why was he doing this. He was really going to make Lucas say it wasn’t he?

“Well you- uhm, you told Chloe we were dating”

“Did I do something wrong?” he began to look concerned now “I just got the feeling you were desperate for some saving, and I’m a sucker for damsels in distress” he joked, trying to ease the tension.

He imagined what he must have looked like in Eliott’s eyes that night.. like a complete idiot.

“No you didn’t do anything wrong” he assured him “you’re right, I was desperate, you really saved my ass, thanks” he mumbled.

“No worries mec” Eliott beamed. He looked so proud of himself and Lucas found him completely and utterly endearing.

He wasn’t sure how to proceed, so he decided to look at a particular interesting spot on the floor, until Eliott broke the silence.

“Was that why you were looking for me? To say thanks?”

“Not exactly” Lucas admitted, looking up at Eliott.

Eliott was looking intensely at Lucas, he looked genuinely interested in what Lucas had to say. The eye contact was too much for Lucas, he felt like he could drown in those eyes if he kept looking into them. His eyes started wandering, settling on the pencil behind Eliott’s ear.

“So the thing is that there are rumors going around at school” he finally managed.

“What kind of rumors?”

“That we’re uhm.. well that we’re dating”

Lucas was afraid to look into Eliott’s eyes. Afraid to see regret or disgust that people thought they were actually dating. But when he finally caught his eyes, he didn’t see any of those emotions. Eliott was just looking at Lucas curiously, willing him to continue, so he did.

“And well, all of my friends thinks we’re dating, and I didn’t really know how to tell them that I lied. So now they’re all expecting me to bring my date.. I mean you, to a party on Friday and I totally get if you think that’s too much or too weird, but I swear it’s just for one night and then I promise I’ll tell them that we broke it off and-“

Lucas was babbling, unable to stop himself. Afraid that if he stopped talking, Eliott would answer and tell Lucas to fuck off, that he was just trying to be nice, but he wasn’t interested in going to some party with him. But he was interrupted by Eliott;

“Sure, why not? I haven’t been to a party in ages anyway” he laughed. Eliott genuinely seemed amused by the whole situation whilst Lucas just wanted to dig himself into a hole and never reappear again.

“Are you for real? You’d do that?”

“Well it’s because of me that you’re in this mess right?”

“I mean- I guess” Lucas answered, still trying to process the fact that Eliott didn’t seem to be completely weirded out by him.

“Well now that I think about it, yeah it is pretty much your fault” Lucas joked, hoping that his joking demeanor would convince Eliott that this party was only a one-time thing and that Lucas was only asking because he didn’t have any other choice.

“Well then I better take responsibility for my actions, huh?” Eliott joked

“Yes definitely, it’s the least you can do”

“Well I guess I’ll see you Friday then.. honey” he winked at Lucas, as a wide grin spread across his face, obviously very pleased with his joke. Lucas couldn’t contain his laughter; this guy was definitely the cutest thing he’d ever laid his eyes on, and even though he’d never admit it to himself, he couldn’t wait for Friday to come.

“Yeah see you Friday Eliott” he said as he hurried out of the library, afraid that if he stayed for another minute he’d say something stupid and Eliott would change his mind.

As soon as he stepped out of the library, he felt a hand on his shoulders, and it sent absolute shivers down his spine.

“Maybe we should exchange numbers? You know so we can meet up and go to the party together, so it doesn’t look suspicious?” Eliott said, his hand still lingering on Lucas’ shoulder until he turned around.

“Yeah, of course” he answered as he handed his phone to Eliott, still affected by the previous warm touch on his shoulder.

Eliott wrote his number down, “alright, see you Friday then” he said, handing the phone back to Lucas, turning around and going back to his spot by the radiator.

Lucas looked down at his phone and looked at the newly added contact, named: Mon mec <3 

[itakesurveys]

Survey 277

What do you believe happens to us after death? hmmm... i guess i’ll pass and watch over my loved ones? or, maybe we all just turn into energy. if so, i’ll be a floating ball of positive energy and try and uplift as many people as possible. 

Have you ever cheated on someone? nope.

What are your plans for this weekend? just chill with the boy & pack a little. i’m moving soon! yay! 

Does the thought of growing old frighten you? yes............i turn 30 this coming year. #puke

What is the best movie you’ve ever seen? Titanic, Enough, The Danish Girl, Bridesmaids, Anastasia, Resident Evil. 

Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? no. that’s dumb. 

What is your favorite song of all time? oh my..... (this is a great survey btw) hmm.. Fast Car by Tracy Chapman 

Has anyone you’ve known died on a holiday? no. that’s terrible. but i was super upset when i found out George Michael passed on Christmas few years back. 

If you could write a book, what would it be about? hmmmm... i use to work for a hair salon and it was like legit like the movie Devil Wears Prada. i could totally take that experience and make it into a great  movie/book. 

Do you think most people understand you? nah, probably not. who i am and who people think or want me to be are very different. i’m very low maintenance and chill and not competitive in the least bit. I feel like in this world of constantly trying to outshine the person next to us “more likes, more  money, happier, funnier”  i just can’t be bothered. comes off not as if i’m not interested but in reality i just want the basic things. lets hang out and just talk and chill with a cup of tea. life should be basic and easy. this dog eat dog world isn’t for me. ..... Jesus i’m such a Pisces and this rant has nothing to do with the question anymore. HA NEXT >> 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would love to change my lack of motivation. 

What are some lyrics that speak to your soul? hm. *thinking* 

Are you in love with anyone at the moment? yes, my boyfriend & i have been together for 10 years. 

Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time? nah. i don’t think that’s real. 

What is your favorite time of year? hmmm. fall . 

What is your ideal first date? ideal first date; (i’m going to pretend this is like a game show) ha, “Hi, my name is joshua and my idea of a perfect first date is... a guy picking me up at my house, he comes 5 minutes early. tells me i look pretty, takes me out to dinner, we date desert  home with us. we cuddle up, watch a movie.” 

What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to you? hmmm.. not sure the sweetest thing of all time but this week this stuck out to me; i was at work and this older sweet asian woman came into my work. i helped assist her like i do any other customer and before she left she told me “ i just want to tell you that you are extremely sweet and kind and i want to thank you because this is my 3rd business i have came to today and you were the first to make me feel comfortable and didn’t talk down to me and all the previous places where rude to me because of my broken english or think i don’t know what i’m talking about. more people should be like you, thank you so much, god bless *shook my hand*” ---- it made me feel so special and made me realize how little things can make such a huge impact on people. :) 

Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? probs.

What is the thing you are most ashamed of? hmmm. 

What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? not that it’s good but when i get put down by someone it makes me a while to build up. not sure what that emotion is but it’s powerful and hard to explain. 

Do you think of yourself as a unique person? extremely. i don’t think i have much in common with many guys gay or straight. i’m too sensitive and gravitate toward woman friendships. 

What is a movie from childhood that you loved? i love, the little mermiad. 

Are you afraid of death? isn’t everyone afraid of the unknown? 

What are your top three biggest fears, actually? hmmm. i guess driving is one since i don’t drive, very strong powerful men freak me out.. it’s odd i get very uncomfortable around specific type of guys, and holding hands with my boyfriend in public. 

Do you have an accent of any kind? i don’t think i have one but to other people i might have a slight accent because i’m from the boston area. 

What do you want to be remembered for? being a good person, happy. 

What is your favorite number? 3. 

Do you have a favorite television show? If so, what is it? hmmm.. soo many. i watch too much tv. but i did love game of thrones. 

Are you currently sad about anything? not currently. 

What was your first job? i babysat all through high school and first job was at sears. 

And what job do you have now? i work for  a glass contracting company. i work at front desk. 

Have you ever changed your spiritual beliefs? i feel i’m constantly changing. so yes. 

What is your favorite alcoholic drink? i’m easy, vodka & soda with ALL THE LIMES. 

Do you ever talk to yourself? in the shower. 

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? dah. a lot. again i’m sensitive. (after this survey i don’t seem like a fun person haha) 

What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? that i hate them. 

How do you celebrate your favorite holiday? with family & friends. your average get together :) 

Do you have a favorite book? If so, how many times have you read it? hmmm.. i don’t think i have one and i don’t read as much as i should. when i do read i only read like memoirs. 

Do you have any teachers from the past who inspired you? yeah like 2. 

Do you prefer sad or happy music? depends on mood. dah. 

Speaking of which, what is your favorite genre? pop. dah x 3456

What is your best talent? i’m good with social media shittt. lol i run like 6 peoples Facebook business pages ha. 

Have you ever wished you were from another country? i use to pretend i had a twin in London like Lindsay Lohan in the movie The Parent Trap. 

What are you thinking about currently? how my back hurts. 

What is the closest red thing to your body? i’m currently wearing a maroon hoodie. if that counts. 

What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable to speak about? hmmmm. family problems. i grew up you don’t talk about family matters with people. 

What is your favorite clothing store to shop at? marshalls. 

Do you have anything you are extremely particular about? hmmm. nah. 

Have you ever seen the ocean? dah, lol. as a kid i during the summer from the age of 8-17 my nana would bring me to the beach every Wednesday. 

What is your most fond memory of your current S.O, if applicable? a lot of them. dah. mostly about family. 

Do you find yourself confused often? yes. constant. 

What is your dream career? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 

What was the best time of your life? hmmm.. i miss when things were easier.  Have you ever been on a cruise? never. 

Do you miss any of your exes? no no no. 

Who would you like to say something to? no one. i’m good. 

Are you religious? meh. 

Do you think you are attractive? when i try. 

How many people have you slept with? one. 

Do you consider yourself a catch? yes. 

Do you enjoy naps? i would sleep everyday all day if i could. 

What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? ALLL THE SAUCES. 

Are you happy? yeah. as happy as an average person can be. 

What do you think you could do to improve your life? many many things, my self confidence, i need to learn to not run from conflict. i tend to apologize just to avoid confidence. i shouldn’t have to be the one who always feels like they are wrong when deep down i don’t feel i am.