#i thought u were an ally?i thought i were proud of not having empathy for anyone?

[stelashe]

Nothing can harm people with npd and i won't back down from that belief. They dont care enough. This is not an npd or narcissists friendly blog. If you're one i don't have anything against you in particular but please don't come here defending abuse and claim that there are no victims. I am one and you won't shush me. I don't care about yall liking me, I know you won't anyway long ago.

[wandering-bitch]

Annotations on I Have Always Loved the Door (pt 2)

awww yeahhh, more notes and behind-the-scenes knowledge on the critically acclaimed (by like three sapphics) mianqing work, I Have Always Loved The Door

I know this fic isn’t objectively long, but it’s longer than animal farm so im gonna keep being proud of it

ch 6: road trip road trip road trip road trip

we start out with some trusty sword content and the beginning of the fuckt up swords arc

(it’s so wild to me that i can describe this fic as “having an arc” but here we are)

fluffy little brother nie huaisang content. i decided that just like everyone looks at nie mingjue (and his actor) and says “this is my older brother now,” everyone looks at nie huaisang and says “yeah this is my little brother” 

(i also hc that because he failed @ cloud recesses multiple times, he’s actually a few years older than the main cast. this does not change his Little Brother Energy)

nie huaisang: hey mianmian, huang daiyu likes portraits of women. if that means anything. if you want to do anything with this information

nmj is the accidental biggest lesbian ally but nhs is the actual biggest lesbian ally. he wakes up every morning thinking of how 2 support lesbians

wen qing: ohhhhhh man hot baths.... mianmian: uh apropos of nothing i need to be alone now and maybe dunk my head in a river

ch 7: traumaaaaaa but there was only one bed

this has some of the writing im most proud of actually whoops?? wen qing simultaneously being underworked and overstressed and therefore coming apart in the bathtub???? not entirely unrelatable

god i need a fall-apart-stop-existing bath tonite

i want u all to know that wen qing has 100% seen mianmian’s tits, first during surgery and then in ch 2 when she checks the wounds, but that was in Medical Context so they weren’t really tiddies. seeing a girl’s bare back??? stressful!!!! 

trauma nightmare trauma nightmare trauma nightmare!!!!

i have trouble reacting to the soft gentle content i write (i have trouble reacting to any of the content i write by the time i publish it) but “mianmian was looking at her so gently it hurt” is one of my favorite lines i’ve ever written. i feel like it really uh. captures the way ur partner’s patience and empathy can feel so raw and stinging on your wounds even tho u kno it’s healing

ohhhhh yeahhhhh night hunting!!! i honestly forgot i even wrote this but im glad i did bc i love corpsebear and i love mianmian just BURSTING out of its chest

ch 8: jealousy is only fun if it in no way interferes with your intended

i did this in part bc i felt like i wanted wen qing to show off medicine again + i wanted mianmian to be more clear with wen qing that she considers her one of her people

does mianmian say “don’t worry i’ll protect u, ur one of my people” constantly? yes!!!

does wen qing believe it?? not for another eight chapters!

sword!!! content!!!

one of our emotional cores here!!! reconciling our past and our future and refusing to compromise!!

ch 9: gay shit gay shit gay shit

we start with some nice quality brother bickering bc im a lil bitch!!

and some mention of the existence of homophobia but not here in qinghe!!! no homophobia in qinghe, it’s a sect rule (this is why sect leader yao + jin guangshan never enter qinghe)

the pregnancy subplot originally was so much less important but i kept writing it to show off wen qing’s medicine tm (because so much doctoring rendered useless if ur a cultivator who just shrugs off getting stabbed on the regs), and then it became and impt part??? of wen qing’s emotional arc??? 

“Before you say anything, I came to you before I passed out” is such a good Mood of any nie cultivator, jesus

i was feeling guilty earlier in this annotation process that i’d stopped being Funny but this does in fact Crack Me Up

“nothing could make me marry a man” i’d say same, but there are a handful of men who i’d enjoy shattering

i do feel bad that mianmian has to deal with all of wen qing’s lying but what are we gonna do? tell the truth? not in this house

someone who wanted to could probably point out a similarity in how i write wen qing here and meng yao in falling in love, and maybe infer something about the writer but why would anyone do that?

ch 10 some fighting but more importantly nie mingjue being a cool bro

wish i had thought more about how not having her swords would affect mianmian bc like. that should frick her up. but that would involve writing more and i was flagging here

wen qing/nie mingjue older sibling solidarity!!!

i once spent thanksgiving dinner with my friend’s parents, a neurosurgeon and a surgical nurse, and the nurse told us gruesome medical stories while the neurosurgeon did his best to keep dinner down.

this dinner is a #mood is what i’m saying

sect politix sect politix sect politix!!! i love to write it, because im a fucking buffoon who enjoys pain

the kittens in the robes story is one i ripped from my own family but the kittens were hidden specifically in my aunt’s bloomers so her upper thighs were COVERED in itty bitty kitty scratches at the end of the day

mianmian: why u always lying wen qing: [sweats] i don’t know what u mean

next time: ch 11-15 aka the End!!