#i thought the context would be good
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got really in the mood to draw a room so i drew one
#im not great at backgrounds in context but if i just go ham on sketching a room like this i think im alright usually#the scale of things is a little bit wonky but thats fine it wasnt meant to have scott and pearl in it at first even though it is their base#i was just trying to imagine what it might look like as. not minecraft. instead more of how i think things are in universe#being that most of the various bases are actually preexisting places that were abandoned within a time where theyre still intact but worn#and when everyone gets dropped in for the games they end up taking over these places as somewhere to stay#life series#mcyt#life series smp#last life#scott smajor#smajor1995#pearlescentmoon#w1f1 draws#its good enough for my main art tag i think#also the folding chair in the corner is meant to be mumbos from when he got “kidnapped” by them and set up his own chair#why would he have a folding chair on him in the first place? who knows. i just thought it was funny
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Okay but does Peri KNOW that Dev has a robotic leg when he shows up? Something about the fact that Peri's wand is a cane and the fact that Dev could have kept his leg and just had a cane for the rest of his life instead tickles my brain.
I mean he doesn't know immediately, he wasn't like briefed or anything, but he basically lives in Dev's house so he definitely finds out. Peri doesn't comment on or react to it all though really, there's no reason for him to think anything of it, plenty of people have missing limbs, a lot of people are born without them, it doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister happened. He had no reason to pry or ask and I think Peri's lack of reaction to it helped Dev feel a bit more comfortable in his skin. (Not by much but.. a little bit.)
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fop dev#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dale#fop Nature AU#<- I might rename it to something else idk give me ideas#LITERALLY thinking about the ableism implications of my AU so hard#Dale doesn't even stop to think that his son might not want a prosthetic leg#(Within the context of the AU the technology is good enough its basically indistinguishable from a real leg aside from lack of sensation)#he's basically deciding FOR his son that having his leg fully replaced would be better than living with a mild disability#After being the cause of that disability!! Double traumatization whammy!#If he stopped even for a second to ask Dev what he wanted he'd have learned that this was absolutely not it!#Half the reason Dev is so secretive is because he thinks being visibly disabled is showing weakness and is some terrible thing#You need accommodations right now man!!! Tell people what you need!!#Dale doesn't actually care all that much about people knowing about the prosthetic leg as long as Dev is quiet about the cause#and doesn't make him look bad#tbh he's kinda proud of the prosthetic leg. Im sure half the reason he was so eager to push it onto his son was because his own company mad#it and wanted to try it out#I have so many thoughts this is getting so long
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I wish someone would look at me the way stupid sauced Ragatha looks at her stuffs
#💬 rory rambles#more specifically the sauce#do you think she pocketed that shit for later#maybe she hid it under her skirt after the adventure. could they have hammerspace inventories. maybe#it WAS said to be addictive is all I'm saying...#plus I have a HC that she would really like. not thinking and focusing and worrying sometimes. about how others feel & perceive her#(because same. thought in a slightly different context)#I mean she WAS generally having a good time this episode#being stupid#the amazing digital circus#tadc ragatha
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Imogen Temult, Exaltant Hope of the Red Storm
Heroes and Monsters by Penny & Sparrow // Critical Role Campaign 3
#thinking about the 4sd where laura was talking about how all the hells titles are good but imogens sounds like it has a double meaning#that shes the storm's hope rather than just the intended a hope that comes from the storm.#and all of imogens 'i am the storm' esque responses#something something what does it mean to turn away from the storm when the storm is inextricable from who you are on both a psychological#and metaphysical level. how do you turn away from your fate when its already in your veins#imogen answers: you don't! you take it into you. and i think that's fun!#me holding imogen's arc in my hands so I can look away from the context it exists in: this is wonderful#critical role#imogen temult#cr3#bell's hells#predathos#liliana temult#also god. i really miss fcg and imogen. not only was fcg the only witness to a lot of imogen's most significant moments of internal conflic#he was also often the only one that could successfully get her to elaborate on vague claims she would make about how she feels about#the moon and the storm and their fight and all her fear and her willingness to be scared and still do the Right thing even if it risks her#life. and I remember how much fcg's presence was often imogen's impetutus to take seriously that the gods matter to people. because imogen#was the first and often the loudest one to insist fcg had a soul. but it wasn't until the magic of the everlight through pike and their#realization of a meaning through the changebringer that fcg really began to value themself. and she saw how much the gods really could be#this powerful and good force in a person's life beyond just granting them magic. and it led to her often pushing back against (thought ofte#in over delicate and tentative ways) ashton's claims against the gods. but fcg is gone and he died for the hells. and imogen doesn't have#that ever present reminder amongst the storm that the choices she makes will echo out farther than the people she cares about.#also just. they were besties 2 me. they bullied each other but also put the most effort into both challenging and understanding each other.#actually. now thinking about it. fcg and imogen had maybe the most illustrative dynamic of what bh could've been and failed to be. alas ala#cr spoilers#my post#long post#web weaving#web weave#cr edit
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And who says scientists aren't passionate! 😉💖 here's a little comic based off an ACTUAL moment I shared with my irl partner @cherry-bomb-ships last night 😂
Taglist♡: @crushes-georg @changeling-selfship @me-myself-and-my-fos @sunstar-of-the-north @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @adoredbyalatus @dearly-beeloved @squips-ship @sunflawyer @miutonium
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#self shipping community#self insert x canon#fictional other#the powerpuff girls#professor utonium#ppg blossom#ppg buttercup#ppg bubbles#ugh i need a familial tag for those girls cause theyre MY BABIES TOO 😭😭💖💖💖#but hehe take this for now!!#and for context my partner and i were in bed and i came across one of those 'would u pass a fifth grade science class ' things#that was one of the questions and we DID 100% make out after answering in sync#and a little confession....im not all that good at science#BUT when i was in middle school i memorized what dna stood for cause i thought itd make me sound smart 😂😂😂#i was trying to impress imaginary people who MAY ask#and tbh my s/i isnt all that smart either shes just quirky#she has my autism after all!#and yeah AUGH FIRST DRAWING OF THEM KISSING??? AAAAH??
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I uh- just finished sunrise on the reaping. I think I was actively sobbing for the last hour. Suzanne Collin’s you’ve done it again. You broke me
#it’s so fucking good#the DREAD I felt as when haymitch came back to 12#like I KNEW what would happen but I didn’t know HOW and it was DEVASTATING#this book adds so much to the whole series#context and character#I have such deeper understanding of haymitch now#I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to hug a character more#AND THE EPILOGUE#this book man. what the fuck#sunrise on the reaping#sotr#the hunger games#echoing thoughts
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i never really post my callus sketches... but here... take some of these old ones... finally... my first callus art post... (he's a durge!!)
#i still get notes on his post IDUSFHFSDIUSFDHUI#so i thought i would provide a few crumbs to the few who remember callus#hes not doing too good he just got divorced lol#<- no context for this statement just roll with it#bg3#baldur's gate 3#durge#bg3 durge#dark urge#bg3 dark urge#bg3 oc#baldur's gate oc#dnd#dnd oc#dnd art#dnd character#callus posting#bob the artist
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Rereading old haikyuu chapters, here's a bunch of silly Akaashis
#im feeling the haikyuu thoughts again since the movie came out#i haven't seen it. i've heard its great. im excited to see it#but im also sad cause it means fukurodani vs mujinazaka will probably never be animated#hghhhh im biased... cause i like fukurodani sooooo much#and this match is such a good introspective on akaashis and bokutos character with and without each other#and kiryu is such a breath of fresh air as a rival#but man akaashi is so funny im so sorry fandom reduces you a pretty face my guy#breaking off the group to sulk by yourself that is a high masking autistic right there#sitting in tenmas garbage hallway watching his friends on a stream man hes such a loser#i would love to see a spinoff of akaashi and tenmas manga adventures but maybe that's just me#haikyuu!!#sry to all the folks who came from elementary or aa or dunmeshi but my digital footprint started with gay volleyball boys lol#s/o to the manga that jumpstarted my egg cracking#i will provide no context#wheat rambles#akaashi keiji#delete later#?#i should be allowed to be cringe once in a while
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hiii sorry its me again i asked abt the comics UM i have another question abt yr process that i forgot to ask like. how do you plan them out do you write out a little script do you make like. thumbnails do you have it all in yr head,, or like a secret fourth option,, how do you plan them
Personally I just have an idea laid out in my head of how it’s going to go, with all the important beats and some specific dialogue. All the spots in between I kinda improvise, which the only real downside is sometimes things are way longer than expected bc of the bridge form idea a to idea b.
That’s kinda what happened with the parkthur comic, I wanted to do the scene where Arthur picks up the dog metaphor flirting again specifically and so I kinda winged the setup for that. Definitely just a personal preference tho! try out different stuff and see what works best!
#not entirely the same…. but working on some pillowfort doodles and thought it would be a good idea#to make a 5 PAGE COMIC for context. who does that. can’t I draw gay men the normal way.#as in actually drawing the spicy parts and not the probably unnecessary bantering#ask#we stay silly tho
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was talking to my mom today about apartment hunting and stuff for my upcoming move and kinda out of nowhere she went "hey are you going to officially change your name? because i think now might be a good time to do it, since you need a new ID and everything." and i was so surprised? i always thought she thought it was kinda weird, or unnecessary, or childish, or stupid, or something, to suddenly have started using nova (a while back, now). and part of me thought that maybe i was hurting her feelings, discarding this beautiful thing she gave me. my best friend had a baby a few weeks ago and it's been very present in my mind how meaningful it is, naming your child. and the last time (kind of the only time) my mom asked about it, it was over text, and just knowing her i thought she was asking in this despairing kind of way. "oh what now, are you gonna cHaNgE yOuR nAmE?" kind of way. so today i said "does it make you feel weird? that i use a different name?" and she just shrugged and said "no? as long as it makes you happy." and i felt a little bowled over with love in that moment. idk. i think there's a poem in here somewhere
#anyway long story short i'm not gonna change my name#but it feels really good to know that she'd be okay if i did#for context she uses my mandarin name at home so it's less surprising that it doesn't rly bother her lol. you'll find i Do overthink things#but still it was a really important thing that happened to me today :)#and the fact that she brought it up for purely pragmatic reasons is just so classic and funny#this whole time i thought it was something i had to be defensive about when actually she was expecting me to do it eventually#and wanted to let me know that now would be a functionally appropriate time to do so#text#nova shh#personal#identity things#self esteem
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Crassus, Caelius, Cicero, Catiline, Conspiracy
boy howdy these four sure are something. not featured in this soup of C names, Caesar! what on earth happened here.
Plutarch, Crassus
Sallust on Crassus, Ronald Syme
Patron and Client, Father and Son in Cicero's "Pro Caelio"
Crassus' New Friends and Pompey's Return, Eve J. Parrish
Catullus and His World, T.P. Wiseman
Cicero's Catilinarians, D.H. Berry
#flash back to several years ago when I said I could never retain info on Catiline. Turns out the missing link was Crassus lmao#about halfway through drawing this i realized hbo rome era james purefoy would make a really good catiline#which is. not a good thought. bc when i start figuring out casts is when i start thinking thoughts like 'oh what if i did a comic'#conspiracy spotted. absolutely no survivors found here. good grief. we got whatever is going on with caelius. also some kind of divorce#but actually. hey cicero. HEY CICERO. I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS. FOR YOU ACTUALLY---#i remember kaine told me about the executions but i did not fully appreciate. exactly what any of it meant in context. i have context now!#i should've been drawing the man with fucked up wall shadows the entire time. my god.#drawing tag#roman republic tag#catiline#Lucius Sergius Catilina#have i never. tagged him by his full name here. i should draw him more#cicero#marcus tullius cicero#marcus licinius crassus#marcus caelius rufus
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Still think about Mo Xuanyu from time to time. Like what the fuck. What a nothing burger. You learn little rumors here and there about him. That he's gay, mentally ill, harassed fellow disciples, had incestuous feelings for his brother, and was kicked out of his community because of it, ect.
And you think "wow, this novel about how bad rumors and mob mentality is is so interesting! Everyone has a different truer side to them that is hidden by public perception! Can't wait to learn the twist about the mentally ill incest pervert gay man who's body the protag is occupying! I bet it's a classic case of the guy being found out or thought of as gay, and then gross rumors like incest that caused him to be kicked out of his community was added on later. because historically queer people were oppressed and ostracized because they were seen as obscene, incestuous, pedophile perverts, ect by homophobes. Wait, what's that? We learn jack shit about him? All the rumors are never confirmed or denied 100 percent? Most likely everything we know about him is true? No canon typical empathy flashbacks? He's just... Not a character we need to think about?"
It makes me insane. Welcome to mdzs, we have gay people like wangxian and uhhhh *looks at smudged hand* More Xanax.
#this was just personally what my reading exp was like#so dont come after me if you thought it was paced perfectly fine!#this doesnt mean i want mo xuanyu to be the perfectest bestest little boy. im not cancelling mxtx. but some more context would be nice.#he really did harrass people? he is gay and had the incest dreams? he wasnt a good person? thats a-ok with me. but give me more info plz!!!#mo xuanyu feels like a blackhole that the plot refuses to go near. its frustrating. youd think a character like him would haunt the narrativ#like shen jiu did in svsss prior. but mdzs refuses to do that and takes every step to make sure that doesnt happen.#even tho it would feel so natural if he did. since ww is LITERALLLY piloting his body.#perhaps mxtx decided not to since she did previously do it with shen jiu? so she had no interest in repeating plot threads twice?#you do you queen but i wanted more😞#mdzs#mo xuanyu#throwaway post
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Butch Gets Schooled: Conversations with Tony Tost, Part One

I have had to learn the simplest things last. Which made for difficulties. -- Charles Olson
Dear Bees,
It is my distinct pleasure to welcome Tony Tost to the Butch Gets Schooled Series. I would be remiss in not acknowledging the deep influence he has had on how I think about art. Specifically, when it comes to the mythic. The mythic is something that has tied together Tony’s progression from poet and academic to TV and film. We both share an affinity for it, although from different starting points— Tony's sensibility coming out of a trailer park, mine out of a rainforest soaked in religion. And our vocational trajectories have taken us elsewhere in terms of how we perceive and express the mythic— Tony’s to Hollywood, mine to a psychologist's office. Still, the strategies discussed here, ones used to develop mythic storytelling and persona, are invaluable ways to look at and create art. They remain meaningful as their shapes and forms change throughout our artistic lives.
I find many contemporary offerings lacking when it comes to the mythic. They seem more concerned with socio-political relevance in an a-historical vacuum, which, for me, is no relevance at all. As the scope of that has no history, it has no future. Or, rather, as that kind of art does not seek to step out of time to pursue a deeper set of truths, it limits the frequencies it can exist on. I cannot say that that kind of art holds my interest in any meaningful way.
Below, Tony’s bio. I deeply admire what he has done as an artist. I hope to continue to glean from his projects the same visceral intelligence and “tingle” that mark his best work:
Tony Tost’s first feature film as a writer-director -- the modern-day western crime film Americana, starring Sydney Sweeney, Paul Walter Hauser, and Halsey -- will hit theaters this summer on August 22nd. Tost was also the showrunner and executive producer of the second season of the Rian Johnson-Natasha Lyonne mystery series Poker Face, which debuts on Peacock on May 8th.
Previously, Tost was the creator and showrunner of Damnation, a neo-western TV series about the labor wars in middle America. He was also a writer and producer on the western mystery series Longmire and was nominated for a WGA award for his work on The Terror: Infamy. He's the author of a book about Johnny Cash as well as two poetry collections, including Invisible Bride, winner of the 2003 Walt Whitman Award.
Tost received a Ph.D. in English from Duke University and an MFA in Poetry from the University of Arkansas. Before that, he attended Green River Community College and College of the Ozarks.
He splits his time between Los Angeles and Arkansas with his wife and two sons.
Butch Tony, thank you for taking the time to sit down and have this conversation with me. First, can you talk about what art, film, literature, music you are immersed in right now?
Tony In terms of film, I’m a bit scattershot right now, but I’m trying to immerse myself in possible filmmaking models for what I’m hoping to be my second movie as a writer-director.
This movie I’m hopefully making later this year is a 24 hour kidnapping ordeal based on a real life incident in Alabama a few years ago. My primary reference points for how I think the film should feel are Sidney Lumet’s Dog Day Afternoon and Martin Scorsese’s After Hours. But there’s a whole bunch of other filmmakers and movies that I’m rewatching and considering. Pictures by William Friedkin, the Safdie brothers, Jonathan Demme, Sean Baker, Elaine May, Jacques Audiard, Jules Dassin. I’m going for a sort of real time documentarian immediacy, but one that’s cut through with some good genre storytelling too. So I find myself watching and rewatching a handful of films to crib camera moves and filmmaking techniques from them.
But I also just watch stuff to watch stuff. My all-time favorite filmmaker is Howard Hawks and I’m obsessively rewatching his movies — Rio Bravo, Only Angels Have Wings, The Big Sleep, Red River, His Girl Friday, and many others. He has a genius for getting real lived-in textures and relationships in his scenes while always keeping the story moving.
Also my teenage sons are budding cinephiles, so I’ll watch a lot of stuff with them. Most of my reading falls into two camps. One camp is reading anything I can find on my filmmaking heroes. This means interviews and biographies about Howard Hawks, Billy Wilder, Ernst Lubitsch, Robert Altman, Sam Peckinpah, Martin Scorsese, John Ford. I’m trying to absorb their techniques, attitudes, experiences, values.
The other camp is reading big old biographies on (usually) classic Hollywood figures. Over the last year or so, this has included comprehensive biographies of Robert Mitchum, Ava Gardner, John Wayne, Mike Nichols, Hawks, Wilder, Lubitsch, Elaine May, Stanley Kubrick. I find these to be a ton of fun. But they also indirectly help me navigate the often brutal business of working in Hollywood. If nothing else, it’s reassuring to learn that even my heroes had countless setbacks and heartbreaks between their triumphs.
In the world of art, I’m mostly drawn to photography. My two favorite photographers are William Eggleston and Henri Cartier-Bresson, and I return to their work constantly. I also recently picked up a photography book first published in 2004 called Sleeping By The Mississippi by Alec Soth, which might very well be my favorite book of photography ever.
I’ve really been digging Maxfield Parrish’s paintings and illustrations for awhile.
Music-wise, I’m fairly voracious. I’m obsessively curating new playlists on Spotify. Many of these are built to inform various film and TV projects I’m either writing, brainstorming, or (hopefully) making. There’s a TV pilot I’ve written that’s a crime show set in the world of a Tennessee honky tonk. I’ve put together a 50+ hour playlist of honky tonk and classic country songs that I think could play on the honky tonk’s jukebox.
I’d say a little over half of my reading/listening/watching life is geared towards directly informing my own creative endeavors. I’m quite easily influenced, so I’ve had to learn how to curate to both inspire myself, but to also protect myself a bit artistically.
Before showrunning season two of Poker Face, I put together a playlist of tracks to set the vibe — and quite a lot of these tracks ended up making it into the season.
I listen to a lot of Tom Petty.
Butch Let’s talk myth for a minute. What is your current perspective on it and how has that evolved for you?
Tony In the present day, I think time has been flattened to a state of perpetual immediacy. We go from update to update without accumulating a deeper sense of time, or history, or tradition. We go from one algorithmically personalized moment to another like jumping from one bubble to another. We have been sold a promise of individualism and freedom, but what we get is a kind of cultural and historical amnesia.
A mythic story can expand our sensibilities beyond this atomized default orientation. Myth sometimes gets framed as the opposite of the truth, a mere synonym for lying. But I think of a myth as being something closer to a collective dream. It can have a mixture of facts and untruths in it. It can veer to the dangerous or to the neutral or to the benign. But either way, a myth has a collective power that individualized truths can’t quite muster.
When we say a story or a figure is mythic, I think we mean it conjures up some power that transcends the merely immediate and the merely personal. Somehow it mingles the present with the collective past — and maybe the collective future. In that way, a mythic story or a mythic figure can transcend a single lifespan and cross generations. Whatever its faults, it can also offer counsel from the past to the present.
I just saw Ryan Coogler’s excellent new film Sinners today and that is what I mean by a mythic story. There’s one scene in particular. A young bluesman plays for an all-Black juke joint in the Delta in 1932. And as he plays, he conjures up not just the spirit of African musician ancestors — who literally begin to appear and perform with him — but his song also conjures up the future in the form of an Afro-Futurist guitarist and a hip-hop DJ and dancers. The music transforms and congeals together into a single ever-evolving song.
It’s like the greatest evocation of the power of myth in recent cinematic history. And I think one reason why Sinners has such sensational word-of-mouth is that we’ve been starved of this kind of mythic power in our current cycle of reboots and rebrandings and rehashes.
Butch How do you see myth relating to your own work? In terms of conceptualizing narrative, perhaps but also in terms of how you experience art?
Tony I used to be a poet. Then I became a poet-academic-critic. Then I dumped all of that and jumped into screenwriting about 15 years ago. And semi-recently, I’ve added filmmaking to my artistic profile. That’s about 30 years of artistic creation and my attraction to myth is maybe the one constant tying these different evolutions together.
My best scripts have a touch of the mythic to them. I try to tell a story that not only speaks to the present, but to the past and future as well.
My first movie as a writer-director is called Americana and it’s coming out this August. When I decided that I wanted to write this movie, I knew I wanted to do a Western set in the modern day. I thought it would be interesting to re-access that mode of storytelling now that I recognize the extent to which traditional Westerns have pretty much universally been stories about the trials and tribulations and triumphs of white dudes.
So in writing and filming Americana, I wanted to conjure up — through choice of character traits, locations, costuming, dialogue — the spirit of a traditional Western. But then in the telling of the story, I wanted to methodically but pretty ruthlessly start sidelining the white dude characters while still maintaining the mythic structures and situations of the Western.
This wasn’t to make any political point. I don’t have any political insights to offer. It was more out of creative curiosity about the genre of the Western itself and what might happen if its center drifted away from its usual center and more towards its usually marginalized characters.
Now, do I want a person sitting in a theater or at home to be aware of this intellectually? No. But I want them to feel it at some level. First, they probably feel a surprise at which characters start taking center stage. But hopefully they also feel a residual power as this mythic type of story pulls these other characters into its current.
I think myth has always been important to me. I became conscious of its draw when we were undergrads at College of the Ozarks. I was really pulled in by the fabulist aesthetic of poets like Charles Simic, Russell Edson, James Tate. And I also had a strong affinity for Kafka and Borges and Italo Calvino. So, I started digging around for more resources, which is when I discovered Jerome Rothenberg’s anthologies, particularly Technicians of the Sacred and Shaking the Pumpkin.
When I got deeper into my scholarly life as a Ph.D. student, it was the mythic element in the poetries and poetics of Ezra Pound, Charles Olson, Gertrude Stein, and other experimental modernists that excited me there. I began to realize that these poets’ innovations weren’t in a temporal vacuum, but that they were actually drawing upon the ancient past to radically revise the present. That sort of temporal dexterity is what really got my synapses firing.
Around this time, I also wrote a book about Johnny Cash where I argued that he should be considered a great American novelist akin to Twain or Melville. The only difference was that Cash’s greatest literary creation was the mythic version of himself — the outlaw spiritualist who roamed the land singing to prisoners and on behalf of the Indigenous while occasionally getting thrown into jail himself. I was fascinated by how Cash took the materials of his own life, plus his voice, his lyrics, and the songs of others, to create this singular folk hero figure called the Man in Black.
When I’m experiencing art and when I’m making my own shit, I get the deepest tingle when there’s some kind of emotional bonding between the present moment and the deep past.
Butch You mentioned once that securing enough money to support yourself is a technical issue for the artist to solve. Or that is how you saw it for yourself. Can you say more about that? I guess I’d like to understand more about what I see as a very pragmatic perspective from you when it comes to your sense of yourself as an artist. How did that perspective evolve?
Tony When I frame making money as a technical issue for me to solve as an artist, it opens me up to discovering creative solutions to that perpetual problem. If that makes sense. I simply find it more useful to think of this as a recurring technical issue to be solved as opposed to a spiritual or personal burden to carry.
Like you, I don’t come from money. So money or capital or what-have-you has always been a ripe question for me. How to garner enough material support to have the time and freedom to pursue an artistic life.
When I was younger, I thought being a tenured professor would be the answer to the money question. But the deeper I got into academia, the more academia started to negatively affect my writing. After I got a tenure track creative writing gig, I immediately realized I didn’t have perhaps the resiliency to keep the politicking and careerism involved in academic life from poisoning the artistic well. Weirdly, I’ve found Hollywood to be much more congenial to my artistic spirit, even though it’s supposed to be world headquarters for artistic compromise. I guess part of it is that there’s an entrepreneurial side to film and TV that I find liberating. Whenever my career has stalled, I’ve simply locked myself in a room for a few months and reinvented myself with a new script. I will often write a script on my own for free, which is called a spec script. Because it’s a speculative venture. My impression is that other writers at my level — fairly anonymous but also working steadily for over a decade — don’t write for free. They either get paid up front or they don’t write at all. Now, I don’t write for other people for free. I only write my own original stories that I control in a speculative manner.
Some of my spec scripts have generated zero dollars, while others have generated enough income to pay my bills for a year.
Going off and writing one of these spec scripts a thrilling roll of the dice that’s worked out for me a few times. It’s how Americana came into being, as well as Damnation. I don’t know if there’s an equivalent option in academia or poetry simply because in screenwriting, there’s always the possibility of making other people lots of money.
But it’s not just an issue of writing well. In film and TV, if you write the world’s greatest script but you can’t convince some entity to invest millions of dollars into filming that script, it’s pretty much for naught.
Raising enough money to get your script made is a technical issue you have to solve, just as — say — figuring out how to get necessary exposition about a character’s past into a scene without it being totally boring is a technical issue to solve. You have to identity the problem, analyze what makes it a problem, brainstorm possible solutions, then trial-and-error your way until you find a solution that works for you.
When I’m writing a script, at first I’m just in love with the story and the characters. And I’m just trying to write something that gives me a tingle — of excitement, anticipation, emotion. Something visceral. But once I’ve done that, I kind of take my artist goggles off. And I look at the script again as what it really is at this stage: a fundraising letter. Before a script becomes a blueprint for a film or TV episode, it needs to convince executives and/or producers that it’ll gain them either profit and/or prestige
So I examine my script with this in mind. What elements will draw capital towards it? What elements will repel capital away? Is this a script that can be financed because of the big ideas and genre elements? Or will this be a script that can only be financed because it has attracted financially-valuable acting talent to it?
I think of myself as a populist screenwriter — I like working in historically popular genres such as crime, mystery, westerns — so I like to think that my best scripts naturally overlap in terms of their artistic and entrepreneurial ambitions. But sometimes there’s a schism. It becomes therefore a technical problem for me as a writer to figure out how to adjust my script so it can attract enough capital or enough acting talent to get made without losing the qualities that made me want to write the story in the first place.
Because making those adjustments isn’t inherently an artistic compromise. To me, that’s a sophomoric conception of the artist’s role. I mean, I could just be stubborn and refuse to change a precious word. But it’s much more exciting to take a script that I love but don’t think can get made and to revise it with entrepreneurial ambitions in mind. Because if I do it right, the solutions I find will end up making the script artistically stronger.
I have a script right now where there’s three main roles. Two of the roles have had actors and their agents throwing themselves at them, while the third role has been a bit tougher sell.
This third role just happens to be the role most likely to get a high value actor to help our film budget. So, I recently revised the script to give that third role more juice and a stronger introduction. There’s more “actor bait” now. And the ripple effect is that I think this revision — inspired by entrepreneurial fundraising necessities — has made the story itself more entertaining without losing any emotional resonance.
It took me awhile to realize that a sellout/authenticity dichotomy is a shitty framing device. I now believe it’s just as important for an artist to attract and keep an audience’s attention as it is for the artist to express him or herself. Any means of doing this is valid, I think, just as long as you don’t allow it to diminish the work itself. One way is creating a public persona for yourself, to draw people to the work. Hitchcock was a genius at this. Spike Lee, too.
Via cameos, interviews, and power of personality, Hitchcock turned himself into a brand to be outsourced to TV programs (Alfred Hitchcock Presents) and talk shows. It’s a brilliantly creative solution to the technical problem of how to reliably attract audiences to your work. What Hitchcock did was make himself into his own sub-genre.
I don’t really have that option as I don’t have that kind of Hitchcock bigger-than-life personality. Or anything approaching his creative track record. But on a much less public level, I have made myself a kind of brand within the industry as one of the reliable screenwriters you can go to for a blue collar and/or flyover America story. I’ve done this by being selective in the kinds of stories I tell. I’ve tended to choose stories that dovetail with my own biography as a small town trailer park guy. And I’ve buttressed this by emphasizing my blue collar background and perspective in my screenwriting substack and in interviews.
Framed one way, this is a self-limitation. Framed another way, it’s a creative solution to the technical question of “how do I get myself hired over other professionals in a very competitive industry.” Creating this lane for myself — one that I can both get paid in and do satisfying work in — has been as important a creative endeavor for me as anything else I’ve done.
I first started thinking about practical material matters like this when I was writing my dissertation, primarily on Ezra Pound. Through Pound and Olson and the scholar Eric Havelock (especially Preface to Plato), I came to learn about how the pre-Platonic poets would use rhythm and music to entrance their audience. This is how they attracted their audience to their poet-songs, and how they kept them there.
Pound framed that necessity to hypnotize the collective audience as a technical problem to solve. Without doing that, the song would have no audience and therefore no purpose and no life. For a Greek singer-poet, rhythm wasn’t a formal flourish like in a modern day sonnet — it was how the poet kept the audience listening so he could sing his poetic song.
It wasn’t a compromise for a pre-Platonic poet to entrance an audience. It was a precondition. Likewise, it’s not a compromise to attract financing to my film and TV projects. It’s a precondition.
Right now, I’m trying to figure out how to take the next step and go from being a writer-for-hire to a more independent filmmaker. It’ll take a couple of big creative entrepreneurial rolls of the dice, I’m sure, to try and pull this off. Many screenwriters seem to look upon this as a vocation or a respectable career. I see it as being closer to a long term mutual con job where both me and the industry are alternately both the con artist and the mark. I like to think this gives me some sort of an advantage. Either because of clarity or self-deception.
Source: Butch Gets Schooled: Conversations with Tony Tost, Part One
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was working on my wip and realised this scene is so wolfstar coded so ummm here ya go (sorry in advance for the awful translation lol)
also this is veeery long so i'm putting most of it under the cut
tw: mention of death, harsh(ish) lenguage
★
"Then came the ambulance and the police,” he murmurs, his eyes fixed somewhere in the room, mind showing him once again the image of Sirius' tired smile. "They gave me a blanket. I felt stupid in it."
John, observing him with deep eyes, full of compassion, nods. Remus figures he can't show it, the pity. That it's part of his job not being able to say Oh, you poor thing and that, instead, he must be professional. And it's not that John is bad at it, at hiding what he thinks; it's just the eyes.
It's impossible to lie with one's eyes. Sirius' always shine, even if he insists on wearing the blackest clothes.
Shined. Not anymore. And he doesn't dress in black anymore, it's Remus who has to mourn now, instead of him. And for him.
"How are you feeling?" the psychologist asks, and Remus makes an effort not to cry.
"I don't know," he answers, honest. He doesn't know what words to use. "Bad."
Not enough. John gestures at him to keep talking, to elaborate. He always does that. It's cruel.
Remus looks down at a ring he takes off his finger, and proceeds to watch it turn in his hands as he fidgets with it. It was Sirius'. Everything he owns was either his or reminds him of him in some way. Even the smallest of things, the silliest of details.
If only he could get rid of it all. If only he knew that'd make him forget.
"It's like I don't really believe this is real,” he says, without lifting his gaze from the steel ring. It's carved in a checkered pattern, a chess board that extends and hugs the owner's finger like a ribbon. It's not excessively visible but, if you brush your finger against the metal, you can feel the shapes against your skin, kissing your fingertips like he once did. That feels like so long ago, though. “I... I'm sad, obviously, but also angry. I think it was selfish of him."
Before it had been his, Sirius', the ring had belonged to Regulus. It had been silver then. Sirius turned it into steel when he'd received it from his brother, who got it from their father, whose father had gifted him it, and so on. It must be hundreds of years old.
"Selfish?"
He'll probably ask to be buried with it. If it's not worn on his left hand, it will be trapped on a chain around his neck.
"Yeah, I dunno," he shrugs. He doesn't know how to explain himself. He knows how he feels, he just finds it difficult to believe that anyone could understand it. He tries anyway. "He's gone and he's left us all here as if we didn't have enough problems of our own," he says. "Like, now I have to be myself, which is already tough enough, and also be him for James and Peter and Harry and... Oh, God, Harry..." He shuts his eyes. He needs to breathe. He closes his hand over the ring, and looks at John. "But I need him too. And I don't have him. I don't have anyone to treat me like he did. So, I don't know."
The therapist nods again. When he started the sessions, Remus thought it was weird that John didn't take any notes, like in the movies. It might sound stupid, but he imagined someone constantly writing on a notepad, making a record of every word that came out of his mouth.
It turns out John only uses his notebook to write dates and appointments down; that he actually listens to what he says, instead of analysing every sentence as if it were a mathematical problem.
He's been lucky, and he knows it. At least in this, he's been lucky.
"Do you feel responsible for what happened?" He asks, and Remus thinks about it for a second. Now that the unease has lessened, he's left with just the cold on the tip of his nose and the metal on his fingers. He misses hugging Sirius on cold days like this one.
"Yes," he answers. No point in lying.
John stares at him. Elaborate, he's probably thinking. He always looks at him like that when he wants to make Remus talk.
"I'm the one who was supposed to take care of him," he says then. "And, instead of that, what I did was use him to make him help me with my shit. And even after he's gone I'm still whining about him not being here to give me cuddles. I don't know. Maybe I'm the one who's being selfish.
The psychologist, whose diploma is Remus now observing, makes a face.
"Wanting love is not selfish, Remus," he says, so soft and kind it almost makes Remus feel small, vulnerable and about to break. Or already broken.
"But taking the love away from someone and keeping it to yourself is," he objects.
"You think that's what you did? Taking the love from him?"
"I don't know," he says, and before John can ask him to explain, he continues: "I think maybe if I'd made things right he'd still be here."
The air is still for a few seconds, both in the room and in the street across the window, as well as inside of Remus' lungs, who holds his breath in an attempt to make the ache on his chest go away. It doesn't work.
"It wasn't your fault that he suffered," Josh tells him, but he's been told so many lies he doesn't need to think to detect the lie.
"But it was that he didn’t stop suffering," he tells Mr Too Good For Taking Notes. He should've had that noted. "I should've done something. It's what I'd to have done."
John, wanting to understand but being apparently incapable of it, furrows his brows a bit. The expressions only last a second, and is not even that exaggerated, but Remus sees it anyway. The doubt.
"You think it was your purpose?" He asks. He acts interested. Sometimes he almost even makes Remus forget that he's paid for what he does. That he wouldn't be there if it weren't for the money. That he's got better things to do than...
"Helping him?" Remus asks, trying not to sound too aggressive, but probably failing. "Yes."
"And do you think you were, say, destined to save him?"
"Yes," he agrees. A bit cheesy his personal taste, but, yes, that's what he believes. Why lie, if he's not going to write it down, even.
"But, if it was destiny, how could you have avoided it?"
That feels like a boot to the stomach. He doesn't quite know wether it confuses him or it makes him angry but, either way, he doesn't know what to answer. Perhaps not having thought of it earlier is what irritates him and puts him, once again, in front of a mirror in which a disappointment shines.
He thinks for a bit. Then speaks.
"Trying harder," he says. "Being better."
"No, Remus; is not about trying," his confidant tells him, with a smile that could either indicate complicity or compassion. "You did all that you could, and more. And, still, you couldn't change it, nor can you now."
For some reason, that hurts. Rather, it stings. Both in his open wounds and his sore eyes.
"And what do I do?" He asks. His voice doesn't seem to want to know the answer, as it doesn't cooperate in making itself heard. He swallows and takes a deep breath, letting Sirius' ring slide back into his finger, where it should always have stayed.
"Think about what you did achieve," John offers, so careful it seems almost meticulous. "You made him happy for a time, you gave him peace. You made him feel safe, too. Confident. You helped each other. That's good."
"But he's dead," Remus says. He's not sure he's used that word since it happened. It's not likely, seeing how much it hurts pronouncing it. He's spent over a month circling around and avoiding one of those damned words, the ones that feel like mines in an already ruined field. He presses his lips and looks at John, cheeks wet with rivers of salty water. "That's bad."
"Yes," the therapist agrees. "That is bad."
#crazy about the therapists name being john#cause the original isnt wolfstar so john is a perfectly normal name (and its actually jon)#but in this context it could be interpreted as a conversation with himself and omg aaaaa#also the “if i cant have his ring on my finger i will have it on a chain around my neck” HELLO? im fangirling to my own writing i know#but like#that translates to “if i cant marry him/live a life with him i will at least hold whats left of him close to my heart”#AND THUS I DIE#sorry i just love this scene so much im going nuts#also um ignore the james & lily & peter & harry mention cause i was lazy & didnt know how to make the context make sense lol#wolfstar#remus lupin#sirius black#marauders era#the marauders#dead gay wizards#dead gay wizards from the 70s#moony wormtail padfoot and prongs#tw death#tho if youre sentive to death maybe rethink being on this fandom (for your own personal good)#uhhh idk what else to tag#enjoy the angst#losver fangirls#losver writes for some reason#losver is sad#btw just thought it would have been better if it was sirius talking about finding james dead??? like aaaaa but anyway whats done is done#wolfstar brainrot#wolfstar supremacy#wolfstar microfic#not so micro lol#weirdly i love writing therapy sessions (might be cause i need one)
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oh yeah before i forget cute mttpoly headcanon because i said so: when killer finds out (through SOME way of means. he has his ways) that dust and horror like something then at every chance he can he goes and finds that thing for them :3 because I SAID SO AND IT'S CUTE ‼️‼️ (something something killer has no idea how to properly show affection and appreciation after believing his whole life was meant to cause pain and suffering to those close to him and now that he's trying he does silly goofy stuff like this hehe,,,,,,, dust is DROWNING in piles of fluffy blankets and books. horror cannot keep up with eating the amount of snacks killer keeps stealing for him 😞😞😞)
#this was inspired by when parents do this to their kids after finding out they like one thing and buying that thing over and over#thank you untitled29876011111 for helping me figure this one out ‼️‼️‼️ wasnt quite sure of how i could justify this fluffest 💀💀#listen untitled29876011111 gave a fire reason as to how this wouldnt be incredibly ooc and weird but anyways#i haaaave to add onto it and make it sillier by suggesting that this isnt even a conscious thought#killer just sees something that one of then would like and hes like 'hey dust and horror would like that'#and for SOME reason his body's already walking into the shop looking at the thingy 😒😒😒 he didn't do that on purpose#but hey hes here now........... and then killer steals the thingy and causes a massive commotion#i need to get to writing my mtt fic so that i can actually put all these ideas to use#a lot of my ideas can work in the context of that fic i just havent written it 😒😒😒😒#at first killer just started giving the thingies to hrdt casually but then horror started pointing out the stupid amount of stuff he gave#and then killer was like wait is this not good???? uhhh what can he do.........#and then he started Upping the dramatic factor by getting cards and chocolates and flowers and stuff with the gifts#(horror hated it (he preferred the older way killer gave them gifts) but dust was flattered (and a bit embarrassed))#killer's just glad to have figured out yet another detail about hrdt 😈😈😈😈 time to add it to his always growing list of things about them#AUASGAUXHSJZHAH MTTPOLY SWEET CUTE FLUFFY MTTPOLY ARE SO FUCJING STUPID#i NEED to study and analyze killer so i can come up with more accurate stuff than what i already do heheheehehe#guys this isnt ooc at all trust 😒😒😒 untitled29876011111 approved it himself and CLEARLY his opinion is very very important and peak#anyways back to drawing shitty horrordust (i must shower and brush teeth hehe) perhaps i will actually get a full night's worth of rest :3#tricule hc#YEAH THIS IS A HC THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN MY HEAD TRUST THIS IS SOOOO THEMMMMMMM#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#mtt poly#murder time trio poly#utmv#sans au
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“You’re so Curly-coded :3”
The internet either wants me dead, violated, or loves me, there is no in-between. Either a compliment or insult depending on how you interpret the character, either way you’re exploding.
#spaghetti speaks#Mouthwashing#Mouthwashing curly#curly mouthwashing#my friend tells me this frequently- I take it as compliment but out-of-context it can seem like not a good thing#I usually joke “damn half the internet must hate me then”#some would probably take it as “you are unhelpful and unaware of danger”#some would take it as “you’re trying your best and try and please to a fault”#some would take it as “you are just as bad as the people who cause harm”#some would take it as “haha EXPLODE”#I don’t know; I think about it sometimes#All the ways it could be interpreted with and without context#then again; I think I project A LOT#Maybe because I’d been in a situation in which emotional manipulation/abuse occurred; I can understand the thought processes and flawed-#-justifications someone can concoct when stuck in a relationship like that#Btw he’s not a “rape apologist” that implies he knew and tried to actively defend it- he never once does- but that’s a differentconversatio#what my friend tends to mean by it (I think) is wanting to please others and being paranoid of upsetting people#+just finding aspects of appearance that match (hooded lids+pointy nose+lip dip+etc)#and just being an insomniac who zones out without warning#I don’t know why I made this post lol#Curlycore
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I do want to say that I feel a but relieved that it was not suicide per say(as it looks like till now) , most likely a drug overdose case gone wrong here. With this, atleast I feel Liam was not actively trying to end things for himself in a way.. it is accidental but all more tragic that it could be prevented if people used their brains!
learning that made me feel better too... but then also worse... but then better again... like it's all just fucking terrible. In the end it does make me feel better that he wasn't suffering that acutely in that way in that moment, that was really so horrific to imagine and live with, and of course for the people in his actual life who survive him the guilt would have been unbearable. I do feel better ever since I, also, reached that conclusion from reading about what happened. But also... he didn't want to die, he wanted to stay around and keep doing things and trying. And he's gone. And that's just so tragic and fucking useless. I let spotify Get me earlier with their 'remember Liam' playlist and listening to him say "I want to get better" and "I want to be a better man" in song after song.... it's crushing. I wanted that for him too, for him to have that chance. There are so many ways things could have been better for him, but now all of those possibilities are just... dead. It's just garbage, I hate death and people dying and I'm really honestly just fucking sick of it.
#cw death details#and yeah.... yet another person dead of drug use and stigma#I can't stop thinking about how#I spent so many hours and hours over years talking to people about the things we wanted for Liam#the ways his life could be better#the things we'd like to see happen and we'd want to see him focus on instead of what he was#that we thought would bring him more happiness and allow him to ...be okay#and for what where did all that care and love go what good did it do#so many people so many hours of care and hope sent into the world.... and it doesn't feel like it did any good#so much love wasted I wish we could have made him feel strong#strong enough to be the better man he knew he wanted to be#on a lighter note. did yall know/ remember that liam uses the lyric 'I only got two eyes'😂#like its a liam song so obviously it's in a sad and worrisome context but still lmao
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