#i thought that he would reject the hug and be pissed. didn't expect it to be my first male friend but anyways | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

crazyforkasey-blog · 2 months ago

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Luck of the Irish

Chapter 3

I looked around the parade ground at Fort Bragg. It was clearly a staging area, the division prepared to get shipped over sea, not that anyone was complaining, the food was better.

I sat down on my bed, and pulled off my boots. I was waiting for the boys to get back from the firing range.

I had just come off guard duty, which had been very awkward. The private who had been my guard buddy, had tried to ask me on a date and the CO on guard duty had been Welsh. So it had been a long day and on top of that I now had to march down to the firing range and sight in my new M1.

Most of first platoon walked thru the door and Talbert walked over and sat down next to me "So how did it go with Welsh"

I looked at Talbert "It didn't, I still haven't talked to him and he treats me like the dirt under his Cochrane's" Welsh hadn't talked to me since the night in the club when we were stationed at Breckenridge, and I wondered what I did wrong.

I had thought it through a million times, but I couldn't figure out what I did wrong. Sure I told him to back off, but Welsh had been downright mean to me, so where the rest of the boys just had to deal with Sobel, I had to deal with Sobel and Welsh.

At first I had been upset and had cried when I was alone, from hurt and exhaustion and then I got pissed off, so my infatuation with Welsh was gone and now I just hated him.

Talbert gave me a sideways hug "Don't sweat it, he'll come around"

I looked at Talbert and raised an eyebrows "I doubt it, guess he doesn't take rejection well"

Welsh walked into the officer's barracks, Nixon, Winters, Hester and Matheson were all there; they went silent the minute Welsh walked into the barrack.

Welsh looked around his fellow officers "What?" he looked at Hester

Nixon stood up and walked over and closed the door to the barrack "We were just talking"

Welsh looked at Nixon, this wasn't good Welsh could feel his Irish blood boil "About what" "Sergeant Christenson" Hester lit a cigarette

"What about her?" Welsh said and opened his foot locker

"You and her actually" Nixon said and waited for Welsh reply

"What about me and her, she made it clear she wasn't interested, but you knew that already didn't you Nixon" Welsh turned and stared at Nixon

"What the hell is that supposed to mean" Nixon took a step, so he was toe to toe with Welsh

"Come on I saw the two of you at Breckenridge, don't tell me that was nothing" Welsh spat out

"I don't know what you think you saw, but Harry I have no interest in Lauren, she is not my type, she is a little to…" Nixon didn't get any further, Harry took a swing at him, Nixon blocked the blow and pretty soon the two officers were fighting.

Winters stepped up and stopped the two "That's enough, now Harry you have somewhere to be and Lew I expected more from you"

Welsh went for Nixon one more time "Harry shooting range, NOW" Winters pointed at door

Welsh picked up his Thompson and walked towards the truck waiting to take DOG Company to the shooting range. Welsh noticed the elusive sergeant trying to make herself invisible, he also noticed her facial expression when she noticed him approaching the truck, and it was one of utter disgust.

Welsh walked over and talked to Speirs, who was sitting next to the driver. They exchanged pleasantries and then Speirs smirked "She is in the back, so I figured you wanted to sit back there"

"I don't know, she'll just push me off the truck if she gets the chance" Welsh mumbled

Welsh climbed in the back, the driver closed the tailgate and the truck started to move.

I was daydreaming about a hot shower and my bed. I was lost in thought, so when the truck started I jolted and almost fell down from the narrow bench. I hit my head and wished I had worn my helmet.

I thought about why I had joined the army in the first place. I was starting to regret it. I knew I couldn't leave my brother and the 50 other brothers I had acquired during the last 10 months, so no matter what they threw at me. I would just keep my head up and keep smiling.

The truck stopped and the Dog Company boys jumped down. I was the last on the truck, before I could jump down a strong pair of hands grabbed me by the hips and lifted me down from the truck. I looked down into the eyes of Lieutenant Speirs. I just looked at him, what the hell was he doing?

As if Speirs could read my thoughts, he leaned in and whispered in my ear "Just messing with Harry a little" and then he walked off.

I followed the rest of the soldiers to the range, since I wasn't a part of Dog Company, Captain Gross told me and Welsh we could use the Far East corner of the range.

I sat down and aimed at the targets lined up. Welsh was next to her firing away. After emptying my clip and making sure everyone had stopped firing, I got up and walked over to the targets. I hated her new rifle, it hadn't been sighted in yet and I had missed most of my marks. Welsh walked over and stood next to me, he had hit all of his marks.

"I thought you were the next best marksman…woman in the company, guess not, you can't do any better?" Welsh smirked and walked back. I shot daggers at his back. If looks could kill welsh would have been dead.

I walked back and sat down with a huff, I knew I was better and if looks didn't deceive the Thompson Welsh was carrying was the one he had showed up with at McKall.

They fired one more round and I did a little better, but not much.

Welsh looked at me "Maybe you should just stay home with the rest of the women and cook and clean"

I just looked at Welsh and walked off, when I reached the truck I climbed on board and waited for the men. Why were Welsh so mean to me, it couldn't just be the fact I rejected him could it? No one was that mean. But then what was it about me that had pissed him off so much?

That night after taking a shower I was alone in the barrack. I started to cry and I absolutely hated myself for it, it seemed like it was all I was doing these days, and I couldn't believe I had let Welsh get to me again. What was it about that bastard that made her so emotionally waggy?

Pat walked into the barrack the moment I saw his face I knew he heard me cry, he walked over and sat down on the floor next to my bed "Hey what wrong are you hurt, did he do something to you?"

"No and No, I just tired and I fucking hate the god damn prick" I sobbed

Pat held her my for a minute "You know what? Enough of this, Guarnere, Malarkey Luz, Tab Chuck, Toye, Bull and I are going to Fayetteville and you are going to help us prime the pump"

"I don't know Pat, I don't think I am going to be very good company" I sighed

"Come one sis, get up and at 'em" Pat slapped me on the leg, Pat shook his head and walked over to his own barrack and put on his Class A's

A half an hour later there was a knock on the door "You guys decent?" I opened the door and walked into first platoons barrack.

"No, but I am sure you are going to come in here anyway aren't you" Chuck sniggered and I rolled my eyes and laughed

"How come you don't bunk with us anymore? suddenly too good for the good old first platoon" Luz asked

"Believe me, I would rather bunk with you than the bunch I am bunking with now, you know I am bunking with a bunch of girls" I laughed and shoved Luz

"Yeah that's got to be hell for yah" Talbert smirked

"Jealous much Tab" I asked

"YES" the entire platoon said in unison

The men and I walked out of the camp and caught the bus to town, they got off at the town square and walked over to the Town Pump.

Talbert opened the door for me, the bar was crowded, it smelled like stale beer and cigarette smoke. Talbert put his hand on the small of my back and escorted me up to the bar and ordered us a drink "So did you talk to him yet?"

"Nope" I said popping the P

"You know he is only that mean to you because he is jealous and doesn't know how to talk to you, I think he is waiting for you to flip a lid and yell at him so you guys can clear the air" Tab smiled and turned his back to the bar.

"Yeah Tab, because this is the eighth grade and Welsh is just pulling my piggy tales because he likes me" I downed my drink and motioned for the bartender to pour me another.

"I am right" Talbert turned around on the bar stool and noticed Welsh and Nixon walk through the door, this was going to be good.

I was talking to Grant, we actually had a lot in common and Chuck was a nice guy.

Nixon and Welsh walked up to the bar and ordered a couple of drinks. Welsh noticed me smiling at Grant and when I put my hand on his arm Welsh snapped. Lucky for Welsh someone else was out looking for a fight. a company of glider borne walked into the bar and started a fight. Welsh dove in head first, Nixon was too drunk so he just watched while glider boys and the airborne fought.

I tried to stay out of the fight as well, I saw Welsh get decked, I pushed thru the crowd and went over and picked him up "Come on handsome, let's get you out of here"

I got Welsh outside and then started to go back into the bar, but the MP's showed up and a few seconds later the guys all ran out of the bar.

I found my brother and Guarnere around the corner from the bar, they helped me pour Welsh into the back of a cap and jumped in after. The cap took them back to the camp and Pat helped me get Welsh to his barrack.

The day after the fight Welsh sought me out "Sergeant, thank you for you know…"

"Don't mention it" I just said and walked away, Welsh didn't move he looked at me and shook his head.

…

Mid-August 1943

The division had been moved to camp Shanks 30 miles up the Hudson and the guys was in a class room getting lectured by Sobel in preparation for the Overseas Movement.

The Camp was dubbed Last stop USA and housed 50.000 troops at the time.

Sobel was boring as heck and I was sleeping on Pat's shoulder when I felt someone staring at me

"Wake up sleeping beauty" My brother shook me of his shoulder and I tried to hide a yawn

I turned around and noticed Nixon standing behind me leaning against the wall looking just as bored as the rest of them.

I rubbed my eyes and straightened up. I looked around the classroom, but I couldn't find what I was looking for.

Pat noticed me searching for someone and he knew who "He is not here, he's on guard duty"

I rolled my eyes "for your information I was looking for Tab"

"Ah ha, sure you were" Pat smirked and got on his feet. He held out his hand to me, I was so transparent. I still had a thing for Welsh and after the night in the bar Welsh had stopped harassing me.

We walked over to the infirmary, it was time to get the inoculations they needed for deployment.

I was first in line and I took it like a pro, but her brother and fifty percent of the company whined and moaned.

I was waiting for my brother outside. Pat walked out rubbing his arm "Shit that hurt, my arms feels like two limp robes just hanging from my body" I laughed "I got something that will make you feel all better"

I hooked my arm thru Pat's and together we walked over to first platoons barrack, I pulled a bottle of Whiskey out of my foot locker

"Look what I got" I showed my brother the bottle. Guarnere, Toye, Malarkey, Grant and Talbert walked through the door and joined the party.

I held back. I just had a sip of the whiskey, I didn't really like it. I was more of a Vodka girl, but the boys seemed to enjoy it.

Grant and Talbert came over and sat down on each side of me "So, What's up with you and Welsh" Talbert asked

"Not that again Tab, nothing is up and nothing ever will be up with Welsh and I, he is an officer and I am a Noncom, end of story" I shrugged

"Well that's not exactly what I heard" Grant smirked

"What, yeah whatever Grant" I shoved Grant

"No seriously, I might have been standing outside the officer barrack and I overheard Nixon and Welsh talk about you, and Welsh likes you, like really likes you" Grant looked at me.

"ok, I like him, but I am not going to do anything about it, I like how it is now, he looks at me and I drool over him from a distance" I laughed

Chris noticed her brother's facial color turned green "Excuse me guys, Pat needs my assistance" I got up and helped Pat to the latrine, Pat was making out with the toilet for the next few hours and I had Bull carry my sweet drunk brother to bed.

The next morning there was quite a lot of moaning and cursing and most of the guys blamed me and the whiskey, it only got worse when they were told they had to take the screaming eagle patch of and that they couldn't wear their jump boots, because the enemy might know that an airborne regiment was shipping out.

….

On board the Samaria

The Indian mail carrier had been fitted with cots in the cargo bay and two men shared a cot, so they had to take turns sleeping.

Pat and I shared a cot, which unfortunately for Pat meant he had to find somewhere else to sleep. I refused to leave the cot since the first awful day when we had walked down what seemed like miles of stairs to the good awful mess and were served boiled fish and tomato. I had of course gotten sick and I was pissed, now the whole company experienced one of my major weaknesses... sea sickness.

Talbert and Pat were worried about me, I refused to eat, they practically had to carry me up onto the deck and when we got there I got sick again. After a few excursions to the deck they had to leave me. I was tired and wanted nothing more than for the endless journey across the sea to come to its end.

Pat had enough and decided to have Roe check up on me. Later Pat told me he found Roe with Spina and Al Mambre the three medics were sorting through their medical supply.

"Doc, Doc" Pat called out and pushed and shoved his way through the mass of soldiers.

"Christenson, what can I do for you?" Doc asked

"I need you to come and check out my sister, she won't eat or drink" Pat told Roe

"And you are just telling me this now, we left New York five days ago" Roe was ticked, he had failed, it was his job to make sure the men and in this case woman in the company were fit for the fight.

Pat led Roe to our cot and Roe took one look at me "Well she dehydrated and sleep deprived and she needs to go to sick bay"

"You tell her that" Pat took a step back. He wasn't going to be the one to tell me that I had to go to the infirmary.

Roe took my hand "Lauren, you need eat and drink and I am going to transfer you to the infirmary"

I turned around and looked at Roe "No please don't, I can handle it, just don't tell any of the officers I am going be ok once I get of this damn ship"

Roe looked at me to reassess the situation "Ok, Ok I won't, but only if you promise me to drink some water"

"Fine I will just don't say anything to Winters or Nixon" I pleaded

Roe just patted me on the arm and turned and tried to locate Pat, he found him three rows down talking to the machine gunner from Speirs platoon.

"Christenson, I took a look at at your sister, she promised me she would start to drink, water that is, if she starts to drink she should be fine"

Christenson thanked Roe and Roe returned to his cot.

Speirs was standing listening to the conversation between the two Easy company men and he couldn't help but overhear what Roe was telling Christenson, it had to do with the Easy company girl and apparently she wasn't handling being on board the ship to good and if he was Welsh he would want to know something was wrong with her.

Speirs walked up to the deck, he found Welsh talking to McMillan and Winters. Speirs walked over and put a hand on Welsh shoulder "Harry a word"

Welsh and Speirs stepped away from the two other officers. Speirs scratched his neck "Harry I don't know what, if anything is going on between her and you, but I heard Roe talk to Christenson and something is wrong with her"

Harry looked at Speirs and without saying a word he turned and walked below deck, he found first platoon "Grant, Grant, where is she?" Welsh asked Grant

"Two rows up" Grant pointed to the third row of cots.

Welsh climbed up and found me, he told me i looked like I had been to hell and back "Well you look like hell" Welsh said

I opened my eyes "Now I know I am hallucinating"

"Ah no, come on we are going up on the deck" Welsh pulled my to her feet

"No not again" I whined

"Yes and this time you are staying up there" Welsh pushed me up the stairs to the deck

We sat down and Welsh pulled out his canteen and handed it to me "Drink"

I looked at him "I rather not"

"Drink or I am telling Sobel" Welsh smirked

"Fine, whatever" I mumbled and took a small sip of the water, I felt the cool water slide down my throat and I concentrated on the horizon, so I wouldn't throw up, it worked

"See you are going to be ok" Welsh tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Well let's see" I said and turned and looked at Welsh

" I am sorry for being a prick to you, I was jealous, I am sorry" Welsh looked at me waiting for my response

"Well you are forgiven, but Harry it isn't forgotten" I looked at Welsh

Welsh bit his bottom lip and looked ashamed "I know and I will do my best to make you forget it"

I gave Harry a small smile and nodded.

Welsh helped me on the rest of the journey and when the ship docked in Liverpool the two of us were up on the deck. was leaning against the railing looking down on Liverpool, Welsh was behind me with his hand planted on the railing on each side of me, the two of us were finally friends again.

………

Upon arriving in England I decided, while the people were friendly and forthcoming, the weather sucked, the damp, wet weather sucked. I felt wet or damp all day.

What did bother me was the fact that the men drank too much. Talbert and Grant spend more time chasing tail and not enough time focusing on the mission.

Sobel were meaner than ever after the cutting of the fence incident and it was becoming clear to everyone, but the brass that Sobel was incompetent and unable to lead the men into the combat.

I was walking towards the aid station to visit Perconte who had injured his foot running through a field. I noticed Winters and Nixon stepping out of the HQ. I also noticed the two men were talking. They looked like they were trying to solve a problem. Nixon looked upset and Winters had a decisive look on his face.

This was bad, very bad, and I knew whatever was going on would affect the whole company. In addition, who would tell Harry?

I drew in a deep breath and changed my direction. I slowed my pace as I approached the two officers. I saluted them and waited for Nixon to tell me what was going on. I waited and waited but Nixon just stood there.

Fed up with the silence I spoke up "So what happened?"

Nixon looked at Winters for confirmation; Winters nodded and Nixon looked over my head "Dick…Sobel decided to court-martial our friend here" Nixon pulled out his flask and took a big swig.

"So what does that mean… you're gonna be scrambling eggs while we make the big jump with Sobel?" I looked between the two men.

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out" Nixon told me.

I looked down at my newly shined Cochrane's and kicked the dirt, who was going to tell Harry. He would absolutely shit bricks and Harry being the scrapper he was, well who knew.

"Sergeant Christenson," Winters called out. " I was wondering if you could talk to Harry for me, I' need to talk to the JAG officer" Winters looked at me and noticed I was a little pale

"I…I don't know…I haven't talked to him in a while"

…

The Dance in Swindon

The first week in England, some organized a dance, at a dance hall in Swindon. Most of Easy Company was there and so was I.

The men and I had a few beers and I decided to drink whiskey with Nixon and Speirs. I also decided it was a good idea to flirt shamelessly with the two officers.

Harry, Guarnere and Malarkey arrived late, since they had to finish guard duty before they could leave camp. Harry was tired, the only reason he decided to go to the dance was the fact she was there, and he wanted to talk to her. The fact she was a light drinker and needed some protection from time to time was a small part of it.

The sight that met Harry when he stepped into the dance hall was the sight of her flinging her arms around Speirs neck and laying a big one on him. Harry clenched his fist and pushed through the crowd. When he reached the small group, Harry pushed her behind him and was ready to punch Speirs.

"Harry…Harry, don't do anything stupid" Nixon really did not want Harry to punch Speirs. Speirs would more than likely kill Harry if he did.

"Harry" I whispered behind him, desperate for Welsh to stop whatever he was doing. Suddenly I felt sick and ran out of the dance hall. Just out of the door, I tossed my cookies, sat down, and leaned up against the brick wall behind me.

"Why do you always do that?" Harry crouched down in front of me.

"I don't know" I sighed and closed my eyes. I really didn't know, it seemed like something just happened.

Harry looked at me, he looked away and then said "you look so young..That I just want to protect you, but you need to figure shit out" Harry said and waited for me to open my eyes and answer him.

I stumbled to my feet "Well you know what? You are not my dad, brother, husband or my boyfriend, so as long as you don't have a say in my life back off" I told him, why did he always do that he was sweet and then he turned around and was all douchey.

Harry looked at me, clenched his fist and walked away. Harry hadn't talked to me since.

…

"I don't know," I said again.

Winters knew Harry and I had a fall out. Winters was sick and tired of having to live with a mumbling pissed off Harry "well too bad because it's an order sergeant"

"Yes sir" I saluted the two lieutenants and walked away.

Nixon looked at Winters "Guess you told her" Nixon smirked

"I sure did" Winters said and held back a small smile, with some luck things would soon be back to normal.

I found Welsh by the motor pool. Welsh was shooting the breeze with a friend from back home, while he waited for said friend to finish the work on a jeep Welsh needed for a field exercise.

"Lieutenant" I waited for Harry to acknowledge my presence.

"Lieutenant…For Pete sake…Harry" I felt my stomach drop

Harry turned and saw me standing there looking all fidgety and nervous, Harry held back a smile and waited for me to tell him what I wanted.

"Can we take a walk?" I bit my lower lip

"Yeah follow me sergeant" Welsh walked toward the out perimeter of the camp.

The two of us walked in silence for a while.I had let my hair grow to shoulder length; I pulled out my elastic band. After a little while I stopped, turned, and looked at Harry. I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. Here we go, I thought.

"Look Harry, I know I was being harsh and obnoxious, the day at the dance and I know you were just looking out for me and I am sorry for being a brat" I waited for Harry to say something.

" look what do you want? Do you want us to be friends, more or what…?" Harry asked me.

"Friends…More than friends" I held her breath and waited for Harry to do something.

"Good…good," Harry sighed and pulled me into a big hug. I sighed and relaxed into the warm embrace.

Harry pulled back a little "So dinner tonight?" Harry asked me.

"Yeah about that" ILet go of Harry, "You might want to talk to Winters. Sobel decided to court -martial him for an offense he didn't commit, so Sink transferred Winters to battalion mass"

Harry ran his hand through his hair and swore under his breath. This was absolutely the worst thing that could happen. Not a chance in hell would Harry make the big jump with that sob.

"Sis… hey sis" I heard my brother call out to me. I kissed Harry on the cheek and ran toward my brother. I had a big goofy smile on my face and Pat smiled when he saw that I was happy, he just hoped it lasted.

"So I guess you and Welsh are ok" Pat asked his sister and slung an arm around my shoulders

"Yeah we are good" I smiled, I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Pat walked me over to the barn Easy company had occupied since arriving in Aldbourne. I snuck in and sat down next to Grant.

Grant leaned in over the table "So we are going through with this right?" he asked and looked around at the face at the table, it was all the NCO from Easy Company except Evans who had been invited, but was a no show.

"We gotta do something," I said and all the other NCO's agreed

"All right good, but we all better be clear about the consequences," Lipton told the men

"I don't care about the consequences," Johnny Martin said.

"John…We can be lined up against the wall and shot, now I am ready to face that, and every one of us better be too" Lipton looked around the table for confirmation

Guarnere looked at Lipton "I will not follow that man into combat"

"Me neither" Bull told Lipton

"All right…then let's do it" Lipton looked at the NCO's

Grant looked me "Don't sweetheart…don't you don't have to do this"

I raised an eyebrow "I am going to do it, don't worry about me" But I was more scared than I let on.

Guarnere dictated, "I hereby, no longer, wish to serve as a noncommissioned officer in Easy Company"

They each signed the letters and Lipton gathered them and wished them each good luck.

Ten minutes later Sink summoned them to his office "I ought to have you all shot, this is nothing less than an act of mutiny while preparing for the god damn invasion of Europe, sergeant Harris turn in your stripes, collect your gear you are hereby transferred out of my regiment. Sergeant Ranney consider yourself lucky I am only busting you to private. All of you NCO have disgraced the 101st Airborne. You can consider yourself lucky that we are on the eve of the largest action of warfare. Which leaves me no choice but to spare your lives. Now get out of my office and out of my sight….get"

"Sergeant Christenson a moment" Sink said

I closed my eyes "Yes sir"

"Now I expected more from you Sergeant, while I appreciate your loyalty to the men. Know this was your last chance, one more screw up and you will be transferred to a field hospital," Sink said in a stern voice

"Yes sir" I saluted Sink and walked out of the HQ, the other NCO's was waiting for me-

"What he want" Grant asked

"He told me not to fuck up again" I smiled.

…

Sobel of course punished the entire company by putting them through some grueling night maneuvers. The upside to the many hours spent outside in the cold, was the fact that the company knew each other's silhouettes against the evening sky.

Christmas 1943

"I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me, please have snow and mistletoe and presents under the tree, Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams" I sang while I decorated the mess hall.

It was Christmas time and Easy Company celebrated the holiday with a mixture of emotions. On Dec 13th the company had made its first night jump and they lost Dittrich, due to a parachute failure.

I was so caught up in what I was doing. So I didn't hear the door opening and closing. Suddenly I felt someone grab my leg. I kicked the attacker and I heard someone mumble "son of a bitch",I looked down and saw Grant grabbing his nose.

"Oh god Chuck…oh I am so sorry…let's get some ice for your nose" I opened the door and scooped up some snow. The village looked like an old fashioned Christmas card covered in snow. I loved Christmas and I wanted this last Christmas before the big jump to be a memorable one for all the men. I packed the snow in a towel and gave it to Grant who placed it on his swollen nose.

The door opened once again and Doc and Talbert stepped in "What happened here?" Tab asked and sat down next to Grant.

Grant removed the towel from his nose and scrunched it a bit to see if it was broken "She decided to kick my teeth in"

"Oh" Talbert said and watched as I put up mistletoe over one of the tables.

"Hoping for a special Lieutenant to stop by?" Grant asked I. Talbert punched Grant on the shoulder and shook his head

"What?" Grant looked at Talbert

Talbert just shook his head. Welsh and I was fighting again and this time it was the lieutenant that had fucked up

Aldbourne November 1943

"Mail call" Private Vest walked through the officer's mess handing out mail. I walked in behind Vest and slid into a seat next to Welsh.

Welsh was reading a letter from his parents and I picked up a letter from the table and read the front. 10 seconds later I wish I had just left the letter on the table.

The letter read To Lieutenant Harry F Welsh

Easy company 506th/501st PIR

On the top left corner, it read From Kitty Grogan

Luzerne County, Penn.

I dropped the letter like a hot potato. Harry noticed my shocked expression and grabbed the letter and stuffed it in his shirt pocket.

"Harry…Who is Kitty?" I asked Welsh who was biting his bottom lip. Kitty was his fiancé…ex fiancé, Welsh had meant to break things off with Kitty for months, he just hadn't figured out how he was going to end things with her.

"Honey…I" Welsh started, but he didn't get to finish what he started. I was out of the mess and I slammed the door after me. I kicked the door outside of the mess and started to sob, how could I be so stupid, I knew I should have kept my heart stuffed away and just waited for my crush on Welsh to fate out. I started to run away from the mess

"Sarge…Come on, please don't make me chase you" Nixon came running up behind me

I stopped and when Nixon wrapped his arms around me, I fell apart. I only loved two men in my entire life, my brother and Welsh, I learned at a young age that love was dangerous.

"Please don't…Harry is absolutely bonkers about you. Kitty is just a bump in the road, he has been meaning to break it off with her for months, he just doesn't know how to break it off with her, he doesn't want to hurt her, but he doesn't realize that he is hurting you instead" Nixon kissed the top of my head.

"You knew about her and you never told me" I sobbed and started to cry even harder, this just proved that men couldn't be trusted.

I sniffled and let go of Nixon, I turned and walked away from Nixon. I walked past the guard and headed towards the cemetery, all I could think about was that I had been foolish to think, I finally found someone who loved me for me and not for what they wanted me to be, but never again. I opened the gate to the cemetery, said a quick prayer and sat down on a bench. I didn't notice the officer who sat down next to me until he let out a small cough.

"Lieutenant Speirs, sir, I didn't realize you were here" I blushed. Speirs was a handsome devil.

"I guess you found out about the fiancé" Speirs looked at me. Christ she was young Speirs thought to himself, but she was tough, brave and more than once she had been on the receiving end of a rant from Sobel, well Sobel was gone now and Meehan had replaced him.

"I did, guess I am a fool," I mumbled

Speirs looked at the innocent young girl in front of him. He wanted to tell her that it would all be ok and that everything would work itself out and that her and Harry would live happily ever after, but he knew different. They were going to war and the only way to get through the war was to accept you were already dead. However looking into her big eyes all he could do was smile.

"No he is an idiot" Speirs held out his hand to me. I took it and they walked back to camp together.

Welsh had been waiting outside my barrack. I stopped a few feet away from him, I didn't know what to say to him.

" I am sorry, I should have ended things with Kitty. I should have thought about how this would affect you. I am sorry sweetheart, please forgive me" Welsh stepped towards me.

"Goodbye Harry" I said, kissed him on the cheek and stepped into the barrack. When I reached my cot I pulled her blanket over my head and willed myself to sleep.

Since the day in November, I had avoided Harry

…..

On Christmas Eve I arranged for the men to share a meal with the nurses. Karen, the Captain I shared a room with in the states, was the head nurse at Aldbourne and she was prepared to do anything to spend some time with a special company commander. Meehan and Karen had taken to each other from the first moment they met.

I looked around the room for Welsh, but he wasn't there. Nixon walked up to me and nudged me "bug… I am sorry, I should have told you"

I knew Nixon was serious since he used my real first name. "You should, but I forgive you, you weren't the one with a fiancé"

Nixon hugged me "No, I am also not the one drinking myself stupid at the pub"

I let go of Nixon and looked up at him "He broke it off with her after your fight and he received a telegram today that confirmed she got his letter and that she was letting him go"

A door slammed and Nixon took a sip of his whiskey, to be that young and in love.

I ran to the pub and opened the door. Harry was sitting at the bar; he looked like he lost his best friend. He turned his head when he felt someone sit down next to him. He looked into the face of the woman he loved.

Harry smiled and then frowned when he saw the look on My face "What? What is it?"

"Is it true, did you end it with Kitty" I asked him

"Yes, yes I did a month ago," Harry, said

I kissed Harry softly on the lips "Merry Christmas Harry"

Harry pulled me into his arms and kissed me with all he had, with all the pent up want and need he had been forced to keep to himself for a month. When he let me go, I rewarded him with one of my big smiles. I took his hand and let him back to camp and into the company mess.

When the two of them walked into the mess, they were met with a bunch of "Finally", "Thank good things are right with the world again" and "Better not fuck up again Welsh" Well that one came from Nixon and Matheson. Only Talbert wasn't happy to see the couple. Pat walked by Talbert "You need to let her go Floyd; it's not going to happen. I know my sister. Harry and her need each other"

Talbert knew Pat was right; she never looked at him the way she looked at the lieutenant. Grant walked up to Talbert and slapped him on the back "Plenty of fish tab, plenty of fish"

The mess served up all the Turkey a man could eat. Harry never let go of my hand and two hours after they arrived Harry and I snuck out of the mess. It was cold, but neither of them wanted the night to end.

Harry stopped and took my hand "Sergeant Christenson, I am utterly and irrevocably in love with you, I need you as much as I need my next breath"

I smiled "I love you to Welsh, but I know that look in your eyes, I am not going to sleep with you"

Harry just shrugged, that wasn't why he had told her he loved her, but she was right, this wasn't the time to start a physical relationship.

Harry escorted me back to my barrack and kissed me goodnight. I sighed, I was in love and in my experience love never lasted.

New Year's Eve was a quiet one, most men wondering how many of them would live to see 1945.

#band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers imagine #band of brothers fic #band of brothers imagines #band of brother x reader #harry welsh

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hyuksverse · 2 years ago

Text

i'm sitting with a girl that looks SO MUCH like hyungwon and she is just so so pretty 😭 i'm in love

#i have made so much friends!!! today was a very good day #i finally don't feel like an outsider to this class :) i'm so happy #i'm sitting with these two girls and they're very cool!!! and i'm friends with two other girls #and a boy with a CATTERY and another girl and i guess another boy? we're not that close anymore though #the boy with the cattery is bringing his cat tomorrow!!!! i'm excited!!#i went from manifesting being sick to actually being excited to go to school. it's crazy #hopefully this feeling will stay <3 #also i need advice.. should i text my friend from my old school #like. at first we were texting alright after we graduated but it turned into me texting him first all the time #so i just stopped writing first and we don't speak anymore #i think that i'll just text him once and then if he decides to never text me anymore. that's fine #at least i tried #but i'm just sad because as much as he annoyed me sometimes in school he was still pretty cool #but listen to this. i had two male friends in my old school right #one male friend i hugged for the first time at the last day of school because i was sad we'd probably never see each other-#again and he was pissed off. turns out he's going to the same class as me and LOVES hugs everywhere and from anyone #but like. that's fine i guess. i was just a bit upset that after we spent like 5 years together he was so pissed-#yet after barely a week of knowing his brand new group of friends he hugs them everyday #but the other male friend. the other i'm worried about texting right now was so sweet #i thought that he would reject the hug and be pissed. didn't expect it to be my first male friend but anyways #i jokingly half hugged him at first but then he himself went in for a hug and it was so sweet :( i really miss him so so much dang #sorry for the entire rant this turned into but damn i got myself so sad rn #maybe i'll text him if he wants to hang out one day. maybe #but once again. i was way more close to that first friend and we always hung out so i was a bit hurt #and he doesn't mind hugging me now either. but i do mind it. he's really changed and i don't know if i want to be friends with him anymore #i never ever hung out with that second male friend. but maybe he's changed too. it would be good to catch up #anyways i'm ending this here because i'll go on and on 😭 i'm so sorry if you read all this

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doopy-n-loopy · 3 years ago

Note

Yandere Saxton hale hcs?

Of course! I do not know if you want this anymore cause I've been awayfor so long but here it is anyways, if you don't enjoy it someone else will 💞

Two people requested for this lol @bonkcola

Yan!Saxton Hale (Tf2) × GN! Reader Headcannons/Imagines

// Yandere themese, obsessive, stalker, implied power difference/ power abuse, general abuse

You are an intern for Mann.Co, also some mentions of Miss Pauling in the HC but she's not a big part of it

[SFW]

🇭🇲💪You didn't think much about applying for a job at Mann Co, you especially didn't expect to meet a man who barely wears a shirt to show off his Australia shaped chest hair was a bit surprising

🇭🇲💪You ignored it anyways, but he eyed you up and down the first time you met, he didn't keep his vulgar comments to himself and had no qualms about sharing them directly to you

🇭🇲💪 In fact, he never held back with the comments

🇭🇲💪 He would say raunchy things to you all the time because he knew he could and there was nothing you could do about it

🇭🇲💪"lookin good, hot tits" was one of them

🇭🇲💪 Miss P, a sweet lady you worked with, told you to ignore it since he was usually like this towards the female employees when they first start working

🇭🇲💪 However, this lasted for months, Even Miss P was surprised by this. She made a joke about him liking you more than the others, little did she know, this was more than a joke

🇭🇲💪Saxton would often pop by your office to see how things were going like all employees but he'd get... Personal

🇭🇲💪 He was friendly, and would often crack jokes or offer to buy you coffee

🇭🇲💪 He would also flex his muscles a lot when you were around, you were warned that he'd do this from time to time but you didn't realize time to time meant every day

🇭🇲💪 More time passed, and as the days went by, Saxton seemed to get closer to you

🇭🇲💪You brushed it off, thinking that he felt bad for putting you in an office so secluded from everyone else in the facility

🇭🇲💪 A friendly pat on the back usually led you to being pulled in for a little hug, which would change to a deeper embrace into his broad chest

🇭🇲💪 You thought he was like this with all workers but surprisingly it was just you, again, you brushed it off though

🇭🇲💪 And then another male co worker began talking to you, and Saxton saw

🇭🇲💪Saxton wouldn't talk to you for the rest of the day and gave you the could shoulder and multiple passive-aggresive remarks

🇭🇲💪 Again, you just chalked it up to him having a bad day and left him alone

🇭🇲💪 However, your new friend went missing. His body was then found mutilated behind Mann Co. HQ, barely recognizable.

🇭🇲💪 And forget about leaving the company to work somewhere safer, because he'd always stop you with more than obvious threats

🇭🇲💪 "You can leave... Or you can try! We'll have to get rid of you if you even think about it!" Always in a tone that sounded like he thought it was funny, but you were horrified

🇭🇲💪 But other than that, Saxton took this time to get even closer to you, and used your grief to his advantage

🇭🇲💪 give him some slack, Saxton doesn't realize how manipulative he is

🇭🇲💪Saxton however makes really weird remarks to you, and you start to notice something is off about him

🇭🇲💪"Did you appreciate how he looked? He's not much to look at, that little loser doesn't even have any muscle!"

🇭🇲💪 You were shocked at how Saxton insulted him, and how focused he was on your relationship with him

🇭🇲💪He didn't realize why you were so upset and stormed off, but later that night he thought it was a good time to confess to you

🇭🇲💪When he confessed to you, as per usual, Saxton made it about himself. He made sure to emphasize how attractive he and his muscles are, and that pissed you off

🇭🇲💪 You have had enough, and were tired of all the crazy things happening around you- now this? It was too much and you snapped at him

🇭🇲💪 He went silent.

🇭🇲💪 He then became extremely enraged and confused

🇭🇲💪 "Are you seriously rejecting me, Saxton Hale? Y/N you'll regret this"

🇭🇲💪 You trued to storm off but he grabbed you, and everything went black

🇭🇲💪You woke up in a basement, your arm did not feel sore even though Saxton gripped you harshly. He has a surprising amount of strength-control, well, only when it comes to you

🇭🇲💪 He doesn't really know how to take care of you- he gives you multiple gifts most of which are just things with pictures of his face and chest on them

🇭🇲💪 He constantly reassures you that he'll make you love him, and maybe you do, maybe you don't, either way- he'll never let you go now.

🇭🇲💪He tries to be gentle with you but if you get out of hand, or disobey him- he'll give you a pretty nasty bruise

🇭🇲💪 He loves praise so you could calm him down with that

🇭🇲💪 He often makes you sleep with him (literally) in his bed and snuggle up next to him

[NSFW]

🇭🇲💪 He would always grope you during work, for example, he would slap you on the ass as you were delivering papers, pinch your butt as you walked by, caressed your thigh, and more

🇭🇲💪 He would also purposely drop things in front of you, knowing you'd pick them up and hand it to him- he would take that time to sneak and peek at your ass

🇭🇲💪 He definitely got off to the way you smelled

This isn't much but I hope it's enough for you darlings out there 💞 more yantent coming soon! I'm not good at writing for Saxton tbh

#yandere #yandere headcanons #yandere saxton hale #yandere tf2 × reader #yandere tf2 #yandere x reader

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under-the-cherrytree · 3 years ago

Note

Heya! Thank you for answering my request! Now, can I get yandere big bro. Not an incest obviously l. teru, kou and tsukasa and hanako with little sis/bro gn s/o?

Now the thing is s/o usually got a mistreat at school due to people jealous of them (kou,teru) on tsukasa & hanako case (a yokai seems to wanting tsukasa & hanako beloved dead)

However s/o seems to not mind it at all. Btw, s/o is student at the school. And seems to be reincarnated after they die, and seems to believed hanako & tsukasa after they said they were s/o ghost brother and s/o reincarnated.

Now what would be the scenario when they find s/o is sitting on the floor. Wet around their hair and their clothes seems to be been damaged. When they Ask what happen s/o said.

"oh, big brother, I'm sorry...i'm really is...today is your birthday...but..." S/o keep cry and then said this while sobbing so hard "today, there's a girl who want me to introduce her to you. But I want to give you the gift and reject her, the girl obviously didn't take it well and...she make her group do this" "i-i...keep...trying to saving money to buy you this caused i want it to be secret...but-i..guess..there's nothing to give to you" while showing a blue (blue sky) (blue light) kou.

Tsukasa & Hanako Case

"big brother...since this is your both birthday I thought it would be better to get you both a gift. But there's a girl who hate me. I didn't even knew why?" And then s/o just said while sobbing "I..know big brother hanako love donut, and and I'm sure big brother tsukasa loves it too...so I baked a homemade donut, but that girl destroy it...she...she said my cook is the worst and people who eat it will puked and not even a ghost want it" "also she steal the necklace that I buy for you two since she say I did not deserved that"

Green (hanako) red (tsukasa)

Headcannon and oneshot again please!

The Minamoto brothers and the Yugi twins with a bullied younger sibling❣︎

Warings: Hinting to murder?, bullying, abuse, slight cursing

A/n: Hey! Of course of course, I try to answer requests to the best of my ability!

I did this with the siblings combined so hope you don’t mind shshjsh

Heehee hope you enjoy, my love~

Teru was your older brother and he made that known to the school

You loved the fact that you were known as Teru’s younger sibling

You loved your brother

But you knew you would be used for it

People would fake being your friend just to get close to Teru

Then once they got rejected, they always blamed you

You didn’t mind, you still wanted to be Teru’s younger sibling

Teru slowly picked up on this

He knew something was up so he told Kou

Those two tried to keep a close eye on you

But while they were there, it look like you had lots of friends

But when they left the bullying begun again

But sooner or later, the other girls true colors will start to show

Teru and Kou are protective brothers

The girls in your class should have known to not get on your brothers bad side

“Teru-nii! Looks like you got a lot of presents!” Kou called out, running to his older brother who was standing at the entrance of the school. Teru chuckled and looked back at his backpack which was full with presents from fangirls.

“Well, I guess I do...” Teru patted his younger brother on the head, making him smile brightly. “Where’s Y/n? Aren’t they supposed to be with you after cleaning the bathroom?”

“They are…” Kou's expression turned into a slightly worried one “but they said they had to go early. They told me something about wanting to get something prepared to give to you for your birthday…”

Teru sighed, he was worried. He already had suspicions that you were getting mistreated in your class but he didn’t know for sure so he never confronted you about it. He has confronted Kou about this and he had the same suspictions as well.

“Well let's go get them!” Teru clapped his hands and made his way towards the building.

“Do you think it's…” Kou didn’t want to finish the sentence.

“Let's hope not.” Teru’s carefree expression lowered at the thought. “Do you know where they went?”

Kou thought for a moment.

“No, but I know they aren’t in the old school building…”

Teru and Kou walked around the school for a while, looking for you in no avail. Kou pointed out little droplets of water that slowly got bigger reaching to the school's lockers. The boys froze when they heard sounds of sobbing. They turned the corner to see you facing your lockers drenched in water. You leaned onto your locker, closing it.

“Y/n..!” Kou called out, making you turn to him. “What happened?!”

“Who the hell did this to you…?” Teru asked, examining your ripped close and abused appearance. You looked at him and only cried more.

“I’m sorry big brother Teru…”

“Y/n, you don't need to be sorry, this isn’t your fault..!” Teru hugged you “What happened..?”

“I-its your birthday today… but there was this girl who wanted me to introduce you to her... but I said no, she didn’t take it too well and did this…” You sobbed into his shoulder. Teru’s grip on you tightened thinking about how this only happened while he was outside with Kou.

“I-I saved my money… to buy you a nice sky blue necklace… and I even got big brother Kou light blue one as well… b-but she destroyed it and I don’t have anything to g-give you…”

“Y/n that’s so sweet! We are extremely thankful!” Kou tried to lighten the mood a bit, giving you a gracious smile. You could see tears pricking the corner of his eyes. Teru was still angry that his suspicions were true, he was praying they weren’t.

“Who did this?” Teru sternly asked.

“I-it’s fine Teru…” You kneeled to the ground picking up pieces from the necklace she destroyed “She already left… there is nothing I can do now…”

“Y/n… please…” Kou kneeled down next to you and put his hand on yours.

“Guys, what would make me feel better is if we got home… can we please go home?” Your voice was begging. You just wanted to be in a warm blanket watching T.V. with your siblings.

That's all you wanted right now.

“Okay… I’m sorry Y/n, let's go home okay!” Teru gave you his jacket which you happily accepted.

“Even though I couldn’t get the gift, it meant the world to me!”

----

You sighed walking to your classroom. It was early and you were tired. You were happy your brothers didn’t ask you about it for the rest of the night, you didn’t want them to worry. You thought you would get a load from the girls who did this to you yesterday but you were shocked when she bowed in front of you instead.

“Y/n! I am so sorry! Please forgive me for what I did to you yesterday! It was very rude of me and I am very sorry!” She was shaking.

“Oh, uh, it’s alright..! No need to bow, I forgive you…” You put your hands in front of your chest, genuinely confused. Once she stood straight up you saw a big red mark on her cheek. She had tears in her eyes but ran to her desk before you could get a better look at her. You looked to Tsuchigomori who only nodded with an apologetic look on his face.

‘What happened this morning…?’

----

“Teru? You still look down?” Kou faced his brother as they both walked to class.

“Sorry Kou… just a little upset by the person who did this to Y/n…” Teru apologetically smiled.

“Well you slapped her, that taught her a lesson!” Kou encouraged.

“Trust me Kou,” Teru’s smile turned into a frown

“If a teacher wasn’t there, I would have kicked her ass.”

Amane found it unforunate you were caught in the crossfire of him and his brothers conflic causing you too kill yourself as well

Tsukasa thought it was great that his younger sibling was now dead too

Gosh Tsukasa-

But what they didn’t expect was for you to get resurrected

You were able to see supernaturals yourself and you couldn’t age from the day you died but you weren’t a ghost like your brothers

Tsuchigamori helped you establish a somewhat normal school life

It was all good for the most part, you were back in school, Hanako was the leader of the 7 mysteries, and Tsukasa was just crazy happy

The fact you are getting mistreated is mostly Tsukasa’s fault

Like he can make a lot of enemies so when the fish yokai (that he killed) saw how close you and Tsukasa were, of course they wanted to kill you

It was also a perk that you were Hanako’s sibling since they wanted to get back at him as well for stealing their princess Yashiro away from them

You were weak and had a human body, you were perfect

Amane had no idea about this, Tsukasa didn’t know you were being abused but he did know he pissed off those fish AND HE PISSED EM OFF GOOD-

You figured you would be a target for yokai since your older brothers are powerful

Of course, you didn’t mind this

You knew this would happen so it’s alright!

But the thing was, it wasn’t so alright with your older brothers

Hanako watched the cherry blossoms fall from the tree that he sat under. It was November 25, his birthday, and you said you wanted to have a talk with the two boys. Normally you would talk to them separately because you knew how Amane felt towards his twin brother, but today you wanted to talk to them together. Hanako cancelled his normal cleaning duty and waited where you said to meet up.

“Amane!!” He heard a scream from behind him but before he could turn around he felt someone hug him, wrapping their legs around his waist.

“Oh, Tsukasa…” Hanako said softly, personally finding this kind of awkward.

“Where’s Y/n?? It’s been so long since I’ve seen them!” Tsukasa removed his head from Amane’s neck looking around for you.

“Oh, they aren’t here yet, and I remember them saying they saw you two days ago…”

“So long ago!” Tsukasa whined and Amane sighed at his childish behavior. It went silent but thankfully Tsukasa quickly broke it.

“Didn’t Y/n say to meet them here 15 minutes ago??”

“Yeah they did…” Amane started to get worried.

“They're late!” Tsukasa pouted.

“You’re late as well Tsukasa… And we should go look for them.”

“I’ll lead the way! I know where their last class is!” He stood up and started marching, Hanako closely behind him.

They walked around the school for a while, watching students run across the halls to their clubs, laughing and gossiping with one another. Tsukasa continued to march, not losing the bounce in his step. They came closer to the sound of someone crying, sobs getting louder as they approached a classroom. The twins looked at each other before Tsukasa opened the door.

You jumped slightly, removing your head from between your legs to look at who came in. You only began to cry more realizing it was your two brothers.

“Y/n…?” Tsukasa slightly whispered to himself, staying at the door's entrance.

“Y/n! What happened?!” Amane ran to you, fearing you were hurt in any way. He put his arm on your wet shoulder, looking around to see if there were any visible bloody wounds. He looked at your uniform which was damaged and had a few cuts in it. Your hair was also wet like if someone poured water on you. Tsukasa slowly made his way over to you, examining you up and down. You couldn’t make out the expression on his face but you knew anger was there.

“I-I’m sorry…” You said a little above a whisper.

“You’re sorry for what..?” Amane asked, moving the wet hair out of your face to get a better look at your soaked, tear-stained face.

“Big brothers...since this is both your birthdays... I thought it would be better to get you both a gift. But there are these fish yokai who don’t like me..!” You picked up a couple red and green gems from the floor. Hanako’s eyes widened.

“I... know big brother Amane liked donuts and I assume big brother Tsukasa likes them as well… but they took the donuts I made you saying my cooking was t-the worst and you wouldn’t want it..!” You continued “And they took the necklace I bought for you guys saying I don’t deserve it…”

“Were they talking fish..?” Tsukasa's voice was cold, eyes wide with rage. You only nodded your head.

“Amane, will you stay with y/n? I have something I need to do.” Tsukasa turned to Amane. Hanako already knew what he was going to do.

He was going to go after the mermaid and her fish. There was nothing he could say to stop him.

“O-okay… do what you have to do…” Amane nodded and Tsukasa left the room.

“W-wait… where is he going..?” You started to get up but Amane sat you back down.

“Hey, don’t worry Y/n… older brother Tsukasa is going to take care of this okay?” Amane hugged you.

“But I don’t mind the fish… it’s fine-”

“No. It’s not.” Amane’s aura grew darker before his loving brotherly smile appeared again.

“And hopefully by tomorrow, you won’t have to deal with those disgusting fish!”

----

“Y/n! Amane!” Tsukasa called out as he walked down the halls. When he approached the door he opened it revealing you and Amane laughing. You were somewhat dry and you stopped crying.

“Tsukasa!” You got up and gave him a hug.

“What happened to those fish…?” Worryness in your voice.

“Don’t worry about it Y/n! You don’t need to worry about them anymore!” He childishly smiled, bringing ease to you.

“Amane approached you two, smiling. He looked to see Tsukasa’s hand that was behind his back covered in blood. Hanako's smile dropped and he went silent. He quickly regained his composure and turned to you.

“Yeah, Y/n you don’t need to worry about those fish. Your big brothers will kill any other supernatural that dares hurt you!”

#teru minamoto #kou minamoto #minamoto brothers #yugi twins #yugi amane #yugi tsukasa #tsukasa yugi #toilet bound hanako kun #toilet bound x reader #tbhk comfort #tbhk #jshk #yandere

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ethanharli · 4 years ago

Text

Requested: Nah.

Pairing(s): Asra x Top Male Reader

Warning(s): Some Angst, Flashbacks, Mentions of heartbreak, Sudden confession, Cliffhanger, Long, Sister Nadia.

A/n- I brought this over from my Wattpad, and I edited it a bit but this is the longest One-Shot I've ever made, just fifty words away from three thousand :")).

_______________

A frustrated groan slipped past my lips as I fumbled with the sleeves of my costume, it may sound silly but its true. I refuse to wear anything that could reveal my torso, besides my face of course but that's only because its not covered in ink. Now don't get me wrong, the art adoring my body is nothing but beautiful, yet some of its a bit much for the public eye, and I hate attention. Guess Muriel and I are the same in that regard. After adjusting the sleeves I slipped on my rings and emerald necklace that clung tightly around my throat, which didn't bother me in the slightest bit as I drag my pierced tongue over my bottom lip. Finishing up with a few things I quickly locked up my house and headed on my way to the palace, Nadia had invited me over for the Masquerade this year since the last one ended with Lucio and the Devil trying to take over.

I really have to admire that apprentice, their magic is quiet fascinating. With a small smirk I slipped on my wolfs mask, nothing original but the black and vibrant neon of purple and green helping it stand out, even if only by the slightest. The journey to the palace was quite fun, watching people light up fireworks and drink to their hearts content without a worry in the world. Yet it was a whole new world once I entered the palace gates, making my way towards the ball room in hopes to run into my sister, but Nadia is nowhere to be found. "Should've expected as much, she is the Countess after all" I muttered with a proud smile, if only my familiar where here to keep me company but sadly having a grey wolf in this crowd isn't such a good idea, poor thing would be trampled despite her large size.

Taking a glass of wine I sipped it slowly, enjoying the bubbly feeling of it going down my throat. Yet a slither around my ankle caught my attention, and I froze at the sight of a familiar snake, looking up at me with their cute tilted head. "Friend!" Faust cheered, happily slithering up my body to rest on my shoulders, "Yes Faust, it's good to see you again" A pained smile forced at my lips, scratching softly under Faust's chin. If Faust's here then Asra and his apprentice must be close by, I should've expected as much. "Miss you" My heart tightened at the words, forcing the breath out my lungs painfully, and here I thought I could enjoy the Masquerade without running into anyone else, but I guess even an over packed Masquerade can't hide me from them. "I missed you too Faust-" My words were cut off by a familiar voice, merely a couple feet behind me, yelling for the beautiful creature wrapped around my shoulders.

"Im sorry Faust but I really should be leaving, please don't tell Asra I was here alright?" I asked as worry started to pool in the pit of my stomach, however Faust simply tilted her head, watching me curiously. Nevertheless I made a slow pace to the exit, not wanting to rise any sort of suspicion as Asra yells a bit louder. And there he is, my savior. Putting on a small smile I took a drink from a waiters tray, walking up to Julian without seeming any bit out of place, then once the right moment hit I brushed my shoulder against his and shrugged Faust onto him, not once turning back to look at them. However I knew I wasn't out in the clear just yet since a pair of eyes followed me as I left the room.

Being out in the hall felt a lot better then being so close to him. Especially when I'm not ready to face him just yet, hell I don't even think I have the power to look at him without freezing up, how stupid of me to think I could come back here. "[Y/n]?" The sound of Nadia's voice finally got me to relax a bit, letting the tension in my shoulders drop, "Hey Sis, it's been a while" I smiled down at her, watching as her eyes soften before pulling me into a tight embrace that I gladly returned. "Where'd you go? You told me that you were going to talk to Asra after what happened with Lucio and the Devil but it was only him that came back, he said he didn't know where you ran off to and when I tried to ask what happened he'd never answer!" Her crimson eyes glare up at me as they slowly fill with tears that I quickly brushed away.

"Its okay Nadi, Im back now and I plan to stay, I missed my little sister way to much to be gone for so long" I chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood even only for a second, before she looks at my costume with not very well hidden disgust. "You've really never had an eye for fashion have you?" She sighs, taking my hand and dragging me down the hall where Portia was standing. Once her eyes met mine her face lit up in realization, "[Y/n]! You're back!" She jumped up to hug me, which I returned with a ruffle of her long hair.

"Portia could you please get my dear brother to one of the guest rooms so he can change?" Nadi smiled and Portia couldn't have answered any happier, "Yes milady! Now c'mon [Y/n] lets get you a new costume!" She cheered, dragging me away by the sleeve of my shirt. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't going to end well, and by the time I was pushed in the room with a new set of clothing I knew I was right. The clothing was way to revealing for my liking, even though the color and fabric made me look elegant and right at home. The top exposed my arms and most of my chest, the 'V' stopping right above my waist which the pants hugged tightly, yet the rest of it was baggy except the bottom of it, which also hugged my ankles nicely.

But my tattoos and scars were out in the open. The skulls, flowers, and chains that decorate my body glowed a faint blue color, as if cheering that they were finally free from my always concealed clothing.

I didn't want to wear it, every part of my mind was screaming to tear it off but I couldn't. My sister picked this out for me and this is her party, I'll do it for her if not for myself. Sliding my mask back on I headed out the room, looking down at Portia with a nervous smile as she stared at the art in wonder, "I never knew you had these!" She pouted, looking as If I had betrayed her somehow. I could only reached out and pat her head, trying to ignore the eyes that locked onto me, "Im not very fond of them, so I always hid them, Im sorry for not telling you sooner." She merely rolled her eyes and smiled at me before realization yet again broke on her face, "I need to go tell the rest you're here! Stay put!" My eyes widened as I tried to stop her, but she was already out of reach before I could, and the slithery presence was back at my feet.

"Friend!"

Fucking hell.

At that moment I felt the fight to run away slowly drain from me, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, no matter how hard I tried. Even so, with what resistance was left in me I headed towards the garden with Faust resting peacefully on my shoulders, and stayed put by the fountain, letting my eyes flutter shut for a mere moment.

_____

My palms started to sweat as I looked down into those mesmerizing lavender eyes that watched me with an amused glint, "Asra I-" The words got caught in my throat for the millionth time now, and even I was getting impatient with myself. But can you blame me? Asra looked so majestic under the moonlight, with the stars that practically glowed in his eye's, I don't think I've ever thought it was possible to feel so relaxed and intimidated at the same time.

"[Y/n], are you okay?" He asked, his voice barley above a whisper as he slowly reached up, softly brushing his fingers against my cheek. A flutter in my chest caused the chains on my body to recoil slightly, and thankfully he didn't notice the change, "No, I just can't hold it in anymore Asra" My hand clenched tightly on my sleeves, nearly causing them to rip while Asra brushed a lock of hair of of my face. "Hold in what?" He smiled, but my eyes drifted to his chest, looking where the mark on his heart is hiding, causing me to reluctantly pull away from his touch.

It was a simple friendly gesture he's always done to calm me down, to bring me back from whatever clouded my thoughts. So when I pulled away he reached out again, slower this time, as if any rushed movement would send me away. "Asra stop" He looked a bit shocked when I grabbed his wrist, but my grip was gentle, cause I'm more afraid of hurting him than anyone else. However the negative thoughts practically swallowed my mind whole as I rejected his magic from flowing into me. The mark on his chest was the only thing I could look at, cause it reminds me everyday that he gave up some of his heart for his apprentice, to bring them back. Jealousy truly is a cruel thing.

"Nevermind, it was foolish of me to think I even had a chance" I whispered with a bitter chuckle, taking a step back I crossed my arms, turning my broken gaze towards the sky. "Forget it, just go back to your apprentice, they need you more than I do" I don't know why my words came out laced in such malice and sorrow, but they did, and that seemed to earn a glare back from him. "What's wrong with you? Ever since you found out about my deal its like all you want to do is run away from me and push me away, if you have something to say to me then go ahead and say it, but do not drag them into this."

The chain around my neck tightened, slowly crushing at my windpipe as I clenched my fists and smiled softly to myself. I knew I'd regret what I did next, I knew it would weigh on me forever, I knew it would cause me much more pain then it did right then, but I did it anyway. Ill have to thank Ilya if this works, putting on my best face I turned towards Asra and scoffed, tilting my head a bit, like I usually do when pissed off, even though this is just a lovely facade. "Don't even bother, its not like you'd care anyways, would you? All you care about is that apprentice of yours, you even gave up part of your heart for them" I let the words flow, nearly letting the tears pool in my eyes when I spat them out.

"Is that really what you think?" He hissed, knuckles turning white from how tightly he was grasping his sleeves, but I didn't let myself falter under his gaze. "Asra I don't have to think it when I know its true, we've known each other since we were kids, you can't fool me" I scoffed, glaring back into his lavender eyes, keeping that gaze was a lot harder then I thought it would be. Before he could speak up I made sure to cut him off, "You love 'em, that's the only reason you'd do it right? Because you love them? Let me guess, you couldn't live without them could you?" I rolled my eyes, looking off to my left, practically feeling his breath hitch for a moment, confirming what I needed to know.

Im sorry Asra.

You don't have to forgive me.

Because I highly doubt these chains will go anywhere, I can never be free. Even with you by my side, the one person that keeps me together, the one person that I'd risk everything for.

Im so sorry.

"Just leave already, its not like you want to be here anyways right? So just leave me alone, I don't want you here."

_____

I don't remember much after that, but I do know he left, and I was left alone to wallow in my own despair. The chains got tighter over the year, so tight that the only thing keeping me breathing is all the techniques I've learned, and the fact I learned how to hold my breath for a long while. A few tears slip past my [E/c] eyes, that Faust happily wipes away with her tail, rubbing her face against my cheek, "Friend!" She smiles, curling against me, it felt so good to have her around again. Even if this'll be the last time.

The chains tighten a slight fraction, forcing me to hold my breath. "[Y/n]?" My body tensed at how my name rolled off his lips, it felt like a distant dream, like this isn't actually happening, but one look at him and I know its real. My god has he always looked so gorgeous? Or am I going crazy? Probably both. Once [E/c] met Lavender I knew I was done, his hairs pushed back like last year though the mask kinda looks the same, with only a few added touches, and his costume definitely gets him to stand out above the rest, just a beautiful array of bright colors clashing against his mixed skin, it hugs his figure perfectly. He looks like a god amongst the light of the fountain.

"Its me" I sighed out, reluctantly turning my gaze back to my feet. I couldn't help the surprise when he moved in front of me, placing both hands on my cheeks, looking into my eyes with such relief that I could hardly believe it. His touch sent shivers down my spine, slowly I started to breathe again as the chains retract a bit, I had clearly forgotten how revealing my clothes are, cause once the chains pulled back Asra's eyes shifted to them. "How long have you had these?" He asked, trailing his hands down to trace the marking with a soft touch, "Asra wait-" Yet the mark appears, the same one he has, just mine glowed a faint blue in the center of my chest.

His eyes widened seeing the mark, keeping his eyes on it as if it were to attack at any moment, "You've never had chains, its always been your skulls and flowers, is it because of this? Why didn't you tell me about this?" He looked hurt, the same hurt in his eyes that he had a year ago when we last talked.

"What was your deal?"

Oh how I wanted to tell him, but the chains tightened at the thought, yet I pushed through it, Im tired of lying, I'm tired of keeping everything in, Im tired of it all, "That I couldn't be open anymore, that I wouldn't be able to speak my mind freely like I once did." A small cough ripped out my throat as a blue glow tried to burn past the chains, failing miserably. "What? Why?" He looked stunned, I don't blame him, I've always been one to speak my mind and tell everyone how I'm feeling, to be honest to myself and them without a care about what others thought.

But..

"I was scared, there's something I've always wanted to say, but I never could because I've always been so afraid about what would happen after, what if it went wrong? What if I messed up? What if I said something wrong? What if you-" My mouth snapped shut as quickly as it could, now I certainly can't avoid this, cause those lavender eyes stare at me with such intensity I might just burn away. His hands slowly moved up to my neck, letting his magic aid in pulling the chain away from my neck, allowing me to breath freely. "What about me?" He asked softly, keeping his gaze fixed on mine as my hands unconsciously travel to his hips.

I guess it's now or never..

Building what up whatever courage I had left, I pulled Asra against my chest, using one hand to push his mask out the way, before claiming his lips with mine.

#asra x reader #asra x male reader #asra the magician #asra the arcana #x male reader #x seme male reader #nadia the arcana #julian the arcana #portia the arcana #x dom male reader #x top male reader #asra x top male reader #asra x you #asra x dom male reader

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h0neyjaehyun · 4 years ago

Text

☁︎ 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 ☁︎

Summary // Chenle finds Tali such a precious thing in his life, especially her eyes that have this shine that he wishes that would never go away.

Characters // Talia Flores + Dreamies(except Jisung)

Era / Years // May 2016

Word Count //

⚠️Warning⚠️ // bullying mention

It's no secret that Chenle LOVES Tali. Everyone in SM knows that, ever since they partnered up during the trainee days he has been attached to her. Honestly Tali finds it adorable and doesn’t mind. Chenle just loves being in her presence since he feels so loved around her.

But the thing that Chenle loves the most about Tali is her eyes.They are so pretty to him and her eyes, he can tell how much she loves him.As people say the eyes are the window to the soul, and when he looks into her eyes, he couldn’t agree more.

He always tried to look into her eyes at least once everyday to reassure himself the light was still there .Sometimes he would look at them for so long Tail would get flustered.He would just smile and coo at her and say “Aww I'm sorry didn’t mean to make you flustered.” then he would hug her and giggle cutely.

There have been many moments fans love of either Chenle or another member complementing Talis eyes and her getting flustered.Most of them is of Chenle just admiring her and complementing than the other members.

Chenle has heard about Tali’s talent and her beauty, especially her eyes, so when he was partnered with her and Renjun he was ecstatic. When he first saw her boy he was amazed with her eyes, prettier than he thought they would be, vibrant.

When he met her, he was so shy yet out there. Over time when they were trainees he had gained confidence and complemented her eyes, but was disappointed with what he discovered.

Tali just came out of vocal practice for a 30 minute break to eat lunch.She went to the cafeteria to grab some food and she saw a familiar group of boys eating.

”Heyy,” Mark said, dragging his voice first to notice his female friend.Tali smiled and responded.

"Hey Marky." She sat between Mark and Chenle, Chenle hugging her.Jaemin started feeding her since she forgot to grab her food.

Chenle started to stare at Tali admiring her eyes, unlucky for the Chinese boy, Haechan noticed and started to tease him.

“Ohh~ is out Chenle checking out Tali, ahh~ he's crushing on her, Chenle has a crush on Tali ,Chenle has a crush on Tali.” Haechan said with a high pitched teasing voice, with a smirk on his face.

Everyone in the group knew that he just finds her precious, so they were now either teasing or pitied the flustered Chinese boy in front of them.

“N- no it's not like that” They poor boy was trying to explain, but he was still too flustered to speak properly.

“Then what is it?” Jaemin said in a teasing voice while handing Tali her water that she couldn’t open. Tali just shook her head at the boy handing her the water, feeling bad for the flustered boy that couldn’t seem to get his words out.

That's when Chenle finally had the courage to say something that caught Tali off guard.But something the boys all agreed on.

“I- i was just staring at her because I wanted to look at her eyes.”Chenle said with embarrassment, all the boys laughed in agreement. He then looked up at Tali expecting her to be smiling but instead she looked shocked and confused.

He was surprised when she was shocked. Did he do something wrong? She could tell that he was worried that he said something wrong.

“Oh uh sorry you didn't do anything...it's just." She said hesitantly while shaking her head.

”It's just I don’t get complimented on my eyes” She said with a shy smile.

They boys were surprised over that, everyone gushes over her eyes, and talks about it what does she mean she doesn’t get compliments.

“No~ it's just I get the opposite...some female trainees in my dance practice say I don’t look pretty because of my eyes or I should have colored contacts because I look weird.”She said hesitantly but with a cute head tilt and a sad smile.

Everything went quiet

Tali looked at all the boys and she could tell they were mad

But before any of the guys could say or do anything she gave them a smile

“ Hey it's fine, I'm used to it, and it doesn't bother me much. I've always been called weird or been told my eyes make me look ugly it's okay, either way I gotta go back to vocal practice, please behave. I don't wanna cause problems.”

The boys were quiet when she left, all thinking who the hell would do that to Tali, their noona.

Chenle was conflicted, how can people be so insensitive, he was mad really mad.Who would do that to his noona she was always sweet and caring-

“We have to do something”

Everyone looked up to see a pissed off Haechan.

“You know what she said-” “Oh please Mark, you really think it doesn’t bother her anymore, she bottles up her emotions, we can’t just sit here and not do anything when we know what is happening.” Haechan snapped at Mark.

“Haechan we know, but we also have to respect her wishes. ” Jeno said with a stern voice trying to calm him down.

”but Haechan has a point we need to at least do something.”Renjun said with a sad tone.

They were all conflicted on what to do.Part of them want to have a “talk” with those girls while the other part of them want to respect their noona’s wishes.It was getting late and they decided the older ones to try to figure out who did it secretly.

While Chenle distracts her which he did to his excitement since even tho how long he has been clinging on to her, he never got the chance to hang out with her alone.

“We are….what?” Tali said with a surprised voice wondering what's going on with the adorable boy infront of her brain.

“We are going to go out together just the two of us!” Chenle said with such excitement in his face excited to finally have time with his noona alone and get to know her better.

Chenle could never see if she was sad or mad or any negative emotion from her so at times it was hard to read her.So he took this as an opportunity to get to know her better.

Tali looked at him confused on why out of all people, why her.She thought about it while looking at his face thinking to herself...how can I reject that face. She sighed while looking at him with a sweet smile,

”Sure, why not”.

With all of that Chenle melted, her eyes looked at him so lovingly, and when she accepted, happiness filled him and he started to drag her to the mall.He wanted to buy her everything thinking she deserves the world.But she stops him and it doesn’t take a lot of convincing either. It just takes one caring look in her eyes and everything doesn’t matter anymore.

The things he has learned about her is that she is not that girly; she is more of a soft person and her color palette in clothes wise is around the warm colors like pinks and browns, yet also blacks, grays, whites. He finds her style pretty simple.Then realized he has never seen her in a dress or skirts even tho she has a uniform mostly cause she changes pretty quickly after school.So when he gave her the puppy eyes when he asked her to put on a dress and she couldn’t say no.

She came out with a short flowy white flower dress off the shoulders.He was shook on how pretty it looked on her.He noticed how she became shy about to run back in dressing room her quickly back hugged her while she hid her face in her hands, “NOOooNa yOur SO PreTty….can we please buy it and the next time we go out can you wear?” He asked so cutely knowing at this point, that's the trick.She looked at him embarrassed and she huffed.

“...sure”

They left the mall with smiles on their faces.Chenle excitement knowing he is probably the only member that has seen her in a proper dress.Then Tali is just looking at him with adortion knowing that she made his day, and honestly that was her goal for the whole day.

Just to make him happy.

Then the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that it seems like he likes her like a girlfriend. But both Tali and him know that is platonic and he just loves her so much and finds her the most precious thing in his life.He came to the conclusion that he doesn’t care what people think as long as Tali knows he loves her.

Chenle was looking at Tali writing in her note book some lyrics that came to her mind, remembering the memory about the mall.Tali noticed him looking at her, she looked up tilting her head with a confused but cute look on her face. He smiled at her knowing exactly what he was gonna say.

“Noona….can we go buy a dress for you” he said with a cheeky smile.Tali looked at him with confusion still written all over her face wondering why he wants to go buy a dress for her right now?

“Why?” she looked at him with her eyes so innocently his heart could burst about how cute she looks at the moment.

”Yeah, it's been a while you been in a dress, and it's been a while since I bought you one, last time i bought you one I'm pretty sure it was during the trainee days and i'm pretty sure you outgrew it.” He said with a smirk putting his head on his hand looking at her.

She looked at him in thought but realized he is probably gonna whine if she doesn’t accept his invitation on buying her a dress.So she tilted her head while she looked at him with the same loving eyes as before maybe even more that he loves to look at with so much emotion coming from them that he could just explode from just a gaze.

“Sure, why not.”

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #nct imagines #nct additional member #fanfic #nct au #nct 2020 #nct dream 8th member #nct tali #nct fanfic #nct imagine #nct scenarios #chenle #zhong chenle #nct icons #nct 22nd member #nct 24th member

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enchantedtomeethyun · 4 years ago

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Cruel Summer Part Four-Chan

The street was busy with people as usual. Chan and I walked hand in hand leisurely observing the life of others. A group of school kids excited to finally be on vacation make their way into an ice cream shop shouting and laughing. A street performer taking a break outside a McDonald's. People pushing passed each other to get to work or some where they are urgently needed. Then there is us. After what had happened earlier in the morning I thought it would be a good idea to spend the day out together. Chan wore his usual. A black Vetements hoodie and sweats. A mask to cover his face and pair of shades. He did look suspicious to be honest but he said it would attract less attention. I went for a much less black look with my pink hoodie and shorts. My favorite Chanel wallet and a mask. It was moments like this that made it seem easy to be together. Just him and me walking in the street. He would point out something in a window and I would agree it looked worthy to look at so we would walk in the store to snoop around. Window shopping was fun with Chan.

"Oh look at that! Wow it's so pretty!" I cooed looking into the window. Chan chuckled to himself and moved closer to see what I was adoring. He arm went to the small of my back which made me jump a little bit blush at the little things he does that makes my heart flutter.

"What are you looking at?" He said confused.

"That!! Right there in the front!!" I said jumping excited.

"Baby that's....a kids watch?" He said giving me a look. He didn't understand what drew me to it.

"It's Hello Kitty though!! Look at the little flowers on the band..." I said pouting a little. I read for his hand and hold it looking at him for a second. I then leap over towards the door of the shop dragging him along with me. Chan laughed again mumbling something this time I can't hear. The bell dinged as we entered alerting the sales lady to greet us.

"Welcome in! Are you looking for anything or for anyone?" The lady said approaching us. Her eyes were deep brown and hooded. Her lashes long and elegant. She stood confidently in front of us in her short black dress and heels. Her hair was long and black. It flowed to her elbows as she reached out for a hand shake from Chan.

"We are looking thank you." Chan said nodding his head politely and shaking her hand firmly. Her eyes looked him up and down smiling in a flirty way. This made him uncomfortable and he stepped back bumping into me.

"Ah sorry my baby are you ok?" He said concerned holding my back and my shoulder.

"Ah yes ummm good heh..." I said brushing off his touch walking towards the Hello Kitty display. He bowed shyly towards the lady embarrassed or his actions and followed behind me.

"Ahh wow look there's other characters too!" Said looking through the glass case careful not to get my finger prints on it.

"I like that one it would look cute on you haha.." Chan said nervously stepping over to the other side of me to look at it closer. He took off his mask looking over at me smiling. I take mine off as well and he reaches for mine to hold. I nod at him thanking him for his gesture.

The lady returns over near the case display we are looking at. With a bottle of windex in hand and a cloth she stands by waiting. I look up at her expecting her to say something. She just gives me a warm smile and continues to watch us.

"Um can I please look at this one please." I said pointing to the one Chan liked. He steps back to give the lady space and stands behind me closely so his arm can drape over my shoulder. The lady unlocks the case and reaches inside for the glove, putting them on. Taking the item in her hands she holds it in front of me to show off the items.

"How much is it?" I asked reaching to touch it. The lady quickly moved away and placed it back in the case. She giggled quietly before speaking.

"Maybe a little too much for you dear.."She said swiftly then spraying the case and cleaning off the non existent fingerprints. A little annoyed I huffed.

"She asked how much it is? So tell her." Chan said seriously placing his hands in the case. The lady was startled by this move and stepped back.

"Oh I'm oh it's... one moment.." She said trying to gain her composure taking a look at it again.

"800." She said confidently looking over at me as if she had defeated me.

"We'll take it." We both said at the same time making us laugh a little. The lady smiled again and took it over the the check out space. I gave Chan a look of "what the fuck" and he did a sheepish smile. Rubbing the back of his neck he mouthed sorry. I eased my way over with Chan following behind taking out his wallet the same time as me.

"No Channie I got it please.." I said handing the lady my card.

"Oh you better let your boyfriend pay he seems to know what he's doing.."She said looking down at me. Did I look weird? I looked at my clothes and then his. I mean yeah his hoodie is designer but we are both wearing hoodies.

"No I think she can handle it actually." Chan said sounding a bit pissed off. His hand instinctively grabbed my free hand holding it tightly. I smiled at the lady to mock her placing my wallet on the counter. Looking down she notices the Caviar wallet and realizes her mistake.

"Ah yes of course ma'am would you like it boxed as well?" She said bowing her head to show respect.

"Yes." I said flatly earning a laugh from Chan who was looking over at me fondly.

"I'll also take that right there." I said pointing at the Hello Kitty bag on the shelf.

"Ah yes one moment of course!" She said dashing over the grab it. She stopped for a second then rushed towards the back yelling:

"I'll get you a fresh one!"

Once she disappeared through the wall that was a door Chan and I began to laugh. He pulled me into a hug still laughing while rubbing my back.

"Ah oh my god!" I said wiping the happy tears from my face. We gained our composure and look at eachother as we pulled out of the hug.

"You know you didn't have to pay." He said to me quietly.

"Yes I did Chan. You can't let people like that walk all over you ya know." I said pursing my lips in a teasing way.

"I'm just saying I could of protected you. You didn't have to-

He stopped after realizing what he said. His head raised to look in my eyes. I was confused why he stopped talking but I feel like he just had something click in his head.

The woman returned with my purchases and handed them to me in the shopping bag. I paid promptly then we left with the ding of the bell going off again.

Walking back to the dorm we were silent. It felt comfortable though. It was like nothing needed to be said and we knew that. Chan was insistent upon carrying my bag and I reluctantly let him. When we arrived at the dorm we were greeted with hellos from the members and their guests. Everyone was having a lively conversation when Hyunjin's girlfriend approached me.

"Hey! What did you get? I'm nosy sorry.." she said excited sitting down next to me on the sofa.

"Ahhhh baby don't be rude she probably doesn't want to show you." Hyunjin said walking over to her then pulling her into a hug sitting with her.

"No no I'll show you. It's no problem I like Hello Kitty so I got this watch I saw in the window with Chan.... then uh this bag aswell." I said as I took them out of the boxes to show her.

"Broooooo oh my god I got the same exact bag!! Holy shit we are meant to be best friends..." she said excited and she reached over to hug me. Hyunjin laughed and apologized to me for her excitement.

"She likes Sanrio characters a lot. Ah... sorry" he said shyly pulling her away. I hugged her back laughing.

"No it's ok! I do too.." I said as I watched her eyes light up. Without realizing Chan was sitting there observing.

"Hyung are you going to help your girlfriend carry her things back to your room or are you going to sit there like a creep and stare at her." Hyunjin said earning a loud laugh from his partner.

"Ahhh Hyunnie don't be mean to Chan! Don't worry Chan I got your back!" She said shooting finger guns at him. We all laughed and Chan got up and nervously began packing the things back into the boxes with me.

"Are you ok?" I whispered in his ear.

"Yeah I'm good.." he said whispering back picking everything up and standing. I followed him to his room and watched him put my things down on the unused chair. He walked over to the bed sitting down with a deep sigh.

"Oh no .. you only sigh when something is wrong.." I said cautiously approaching him and sitting next to him. He laid back and I took this as an invite to lay across his tummy. Our bodies making an X shape across the bed.

"What are you doing baby.." he asked chuckling a little. I laughed feeling his stomach contort from his laughing. We both began to laugh not being about to stop. The felt too funny. After a few moments we fell silent and he reached for my hand.

"You know.. nothing is wrong. I wanted you to know. I needed today and it help me realize." He said.

"Realize what.." I said scared of his rejection.

"I need you in my life. I want to protect you. I want to laugh with you.. I want you. Please can I have you?" His voice cracked at the end. I sat up then sat on him my legs on each side of his hips. He lifts his neck to see what I'm doing before I engulf him in a big hug almost knocking the wind out of him. I cuddled him close my face in his neck. He responded by wrapping his arms around me.

"You always had me." I said in his neck. He breathed out a sigh of relief. Lifting myself off him my back was arched still in his arms.

"Hey you guys wanna watch the new 90 Day Fiancé with us! Hyunnie and I think it would be fun since..

She stopped talking as they stood in the doorway seeing us in the position we were in.

"Well at least he lets her be on top!" Hyunjin's girlfriend said. I gotta remember to ask her for her name.

"What do you mean?! You were on top last night!?" Hyunjin whinned pulling her into a hug as if it would stop their little argument.

"Barely! It was for 2 minutes but you said you wanted to be on top so you could muffle the sounds of ..

They walked off arguing. I was a bit worried but Chan opened his mouth.

"They aren't actually arguing by the way. That's just how they talk to eachother when they are around others. They are so soft for eachother when no one is around." Chan said as we sat up.

"I kind of wanna watch... 90 day fiancé..." I said to him.

"Yeah they make it sound so good huh?" He said standing up reaching my hand helping me up.

"Yah! Hyunjin save some space on the couch!" Chan said as we walked into the living room.

"Where did they... go?" I asked looking around and through the kitchen.

"Oh heh I uh forgot..." Chan said shyly looking down. I was scared to ask but I did.

"What?" I said.

"Their "arguments" are usually resolved rather quickly.."He said looking over at Hyunjin's room.

"Gross!" I said covering my face embarrassed.

"It's just you and me then I guess.." Chan said plopping himself down on the couch.

"Well we can wait.. you said quickly.." I said sitting next to him hugging his side.

"Oh did I say that.." he said reaching for the remote to turn on the tv.

"I meant loudly.." he said again turning up the volume of the tv of the movie playing.

"Gross!" I said again slapping him lightly.

#bang chan #hyunjin #kpop #stray kids #kpop fics #stray kids reaction #stray kids smut #angst #chan x reader #stray kids fic

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gencat21 · 5 years ago

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What did you do to me? •Mark Lee

Warnings: a little bit of smut

Pairing: GoodBoy!Mark + BadGirl!Reader

Genre: fluff and a little bit of smut

"Y/N!" You hear your name coming from the most mouth of the most annoying girl you've seen in your entire life. You turn around after signing as deep as you can, telling yourself not to punch the girl on the face. "What?" You respond, looking at the clock of your phone. You had classes in five minutes and you wanted to take your favorite sit before someone took it from you.

She had her arms crossed in front of her chest, maybe trying to act superior to me when she is some random person. Meaning, she is nothing to me. I don't even know her name, I know her by the name of Chan's girlfriend and that's all I knew of her. "I saw you talking to Chan earlier, and I want you to not get close to him ever again." She walks slowly to you. She was trying to be intimidating or something similar?

My mouth can't help but to be wide open. It is unbelievable. "Are you seriously fucking stopping me for this kind of childishness? Are you stupid or something?" It is like your brain was not functioning anymore, It is hard for you to comprehend how a person can be... Like that. You look at her with a confused face.

“How dare you speak to me like that?"

"I will tell you what you will do." You step forward, causing her to step back at the same time. She's not as brave as she pretended to be. "You will go grab a book and learn. Since you're too stupid and useless that your boyfriend had to come to me for help when his girlfriend is in the same class. Can you understand me?" You don't waste time waiting for a response and leave to your next class. "Was I too harsh on her? No. And if I was, then she just needs to swallow it and actually listen to my advice." You say to yourself, bumping into a guy for staring at the floor while walking. He apologized to you but without feeling like talking, your usual fake smile appears, which was your sign of I'm leaving, until you see who you bumped to.

Mark. The sweet boy. The good boy.

He looks at you for a second and then looks away as soon as you see his face. He apologizes again and leaves but you couldn't help but to look back and watch him leave. Was he nervous just now? Was he afraid of you?

You have the mark on your head of being a bad girl, but you don't consider your self as one. It was true that sometimes you do as you please and answer back when needed to, also punched some guys when they would go over the line. But all was needed.

You're not a bully, you're just daring and loved challenges. Whether they were dangerously or not.

You continued walking to your next class, but had that guy on your head for the entire period. He got you curious.

What is it about you? What is it about you that drove him crazy no matter what you were doing? He has never gotten the chance to talk to you every since you both started your freshman year in college, he wanted to know how your voice was like. He wanted to know how beautiful was your smile when it was real. But you are hard to approach. And for some reason that was what made him interested in you the most.

You did nothing to be popular, yet, everyone talks about you and tries to talk to you. Mark watches how you roll your eyes when a guy talks to you and you just leave without saying anything, after throwing him a fake smile. But remembered how you did the same to you and hated it. He got to know what type of perfume you use, was that peaches? "When you will stop looking at her like that?" Lucas asks, taking a bite of his sandwich in hand. He eyes how Mark looks at you from afar almost every day whenever you're insight. Having you insight meant losing Mark completely because apparently watching you walk and mind your business was better than anything else. "huh?" Mark looks at Lucas when he realizes he's staring for too long.

"Why don't you go and talk to her?" Winwin suggests for the 30th time, but always seems to be ignored by Mark.

Donghyuk laughed so hard as if it was the best joke he has heard in his entire life. "Are you kidding? You know that she's too careless and daring for our Marky." He sits closer to Mark and throws his arm around his shoulder. "She will scare him away."

"I'm not scared of her, " his eyes were shooting daggers to Donghyuk's direction, making him laugh a bit more but not as loud. But that was a lie. He was afraid of getting rejected like every single boy that has tried to talk to you before. And of course the fact that

He can't keep eye contact with you for more than two seconds, how was he supposed to talk to you without looking stupid.

"You can't lie, your face tells us the truth," Lucas says, focused on every expression Mark had on his face. "but think about it for a little bit. What will you lose? She will ignore you or stop talking to you? No, because she doesn't even know you, yet."

What pisses him the most, was that Lucas was right in every way possible. He had nothing to lose. But could he really do it?

Friday arrives faster than what you were expecting and hopefully, you had no homework. You may be called a bad girl, but you were not the type If person that would forget about your grades because at the end of everything, you need to graduate and have a future. And now that you were free, you decided to finally attend to the usual party that a person you don't know holds every Friday and everyone attends. And also because your friend begged you to go so, why not?

You lift your cup up while you move your body to the rhythm of the music with your friend, not thinking about anything and just enjoying the moment until a certain gets your full attention, someone you forgot about until now, and now you couldn't get him out of your mind and remember how curious you were to know if he was afraid of you or something. You take your cup to your lips and drink all the liquid in it to give it to your friend. "Where are you going? Got a catch?" She jokes, you laugh.

"I'll be right back,"

"Take your time, because I do have a catch, " you roll your eyes and take your leave to the direction of the sweet scared boy. But when you look at where he was, you see him going upstairs, maybe to the bathroom or something. So you follow him upstairs. He gets inside the bathroom and you wait in front of the bathroom door, not really knowing what you will ask him for sure. As soon as he gets out of the bathroom and locks eyes with you, for a reason you feel breathless for a second. You've known about him, but you've never gotten to have the chance of really appreciate how handsome he was compared to everyone around. But that thought disappears when you see his face when he sees you looking straight at him with your arms crossed. He looks away, pretending he did not just jump at the thought of you and starts to walk away. Your hand search his wrist as an impulse since you were here because of him. "Wait, " he had thought about how your voice would be like but this was definitely not what he was thinking. Your voice and your scent said completely different things to what people say about you. If he didn't know that about you he would have thought you were nothing like that.

And then he realizes that your hand was holding him, and nervousness starts to surface. He breathes deeply to calm himself and appear as calm as possible so then he could face you. "I wanted to ask you something, " he could barely articulate a word, not only the alcohol was making him feel a little bit more dizzy, now you were messing with his head by just one touch. He manages to nod and swallows hard by having your eyes on his face.

"Why are you scare of me?"

He blinks fast, trying to digest what you had just said. Scared of you? Scared of what you might do to his heart. Set a timer for it to explode, that's what he was scared of. "I— I'm not..." Swallows hard. "I'm not scared of you." You slowly let go of his hand but continue to examine his face. He seemed nervous, why would he be?

"Are you sure? Then why are you acting like that when you see me? You can just ignore me but you get all nervous. I mean... I don't bite." You place your hands on your hips while he glues himself to the wall of the hall, the light let's you see how he tried to look somewhere else but you. "Or could it be that...—” you decide to step forward to him, thinking about another reason he may get nervous around you. But you had no idea it was going to work.

You get closer and closer, and when you do that he looks at your face with surprise all over his face. Then little by little, his cheeks start to get a little bit red. This was fun. You admit that you're good looking and that a lot of guys always annoy you by asking you out. It is not like you did not want to date, they were just dumb guys that thought you were as stupid as the rest and was falling for every cute word they would say to you just to get you in bed. But this boy was getting fluttered by you being close to him and avoids you maybe because he likes you. "Do you like me?” you got closer, deciding that it was fun to tease him a little.

"I—"

"You do."

"No, nothing like that."

"Why are you blushing?"

"I'm hot, it's hot up here, and—"

"You're saying that if I kiss you right here and right now you will not respond to it? You would hate that?" His eyes went from your eyes to your lips in a few seconds, and that was enough for you to smile a little and back away. "You like me. Okay. That's all I wanted to know. I thought you hated me or we're scared of me which I did not understand because—" you stop talking when you felt his hands grabbing you by the waist and pulling you to him, and soon his lips crashed into yours softly. You did not expect the sweet good boy to kiss you out of nowhere even if you had just tease him. And what you did not expect was that you were going to like it a lot. The way your lips felt against each other gently. The way he hugged your waist when he felt like you were not going to slap him. You felt shivers down your spine by what a great kisser he was. Just as sweet as him.

He lets go of your waist, leaving you completely breathless and wanting more. "You were going to leave without the kiss you offered." He says, giving you one of his innocent little smiles.

"Fuck you, " his smile disappears.

"I'm sorry I did not think ab—" the one to shut up when he was being pulled was you him this time. You pull him to the bathroom next to the two of you and started to kiss him passionately. You did not know what spell that kiss just put on you, but it was a strong one. Because mixed with the alcohol you felt like you had no control over your body. Your lips moved in unison. Your hands were behind his head caressing and from time to time, pulling his hair a little bit, that for his response to that you knew he liked that. You were in control for a couple of minutes, until he lowered his self a little and his hands went behind your legs and lifted you up like you were a feather and positioned you on top of the sink, in the perfect height for him to fit between your legs.

You could feel his member getting harder against you, and there was nothing that could turn you on more than that. How he would progressively get harder and bigger because of your kisses and how your hands going through all his upper body softly. You knew where this was going, and you were not against it. "Do you have a condom?" You say between kisses.

"I'm not fucking you here, baby."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry but you deserve more than this." He said, caressing your cheek and admiring your face, making you wonder for how long he has liked you.

"Oh God, who are you?"

"I'm Mark." He answered.

"I know who you are,"

"I don't understand your question then, " you can't help but laugh.

"You said you will not fuck me,"

"If you want it I can give it to you, I just said not here. Because you did something to me down there that only you can solve it." You realize that you were still hugging him with your legs and that you still felt his friend on you. Now it was your time to blush.

"Do I see you blushing? Do you like me?"

"We'll see,"

You had no idea what happened. Out of nowhere, Mark was all you could see after that night. Neither did he. He was confused first by how without him trying, you approached him and ended up liking him like no one else has ever done.

What did you to me, Mark Lee?

#nct mark #nct angst #nct imagines #nct jaehyun #nct wayv #nct scenarios #nct 127 #nct johnny #nct smut #mark lee #nct mark lee #mark lee nct #mark lee imagines #superm scenarios #superm #superm jopping

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tommyscurls · 5 years ago

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Michael & Maria + Sweet Home New Mexico

Two ten year olds were running in the desert during a storm, a first kiss that left them figuratively and literally struck by lightning. A kiss that lead them to a wedding at 18, with a groom half drunk and a wife attending her reception by herself with puke down her dress while he slept it off.

They were so in love but too stupid to know what to do with it.

(•••)

7 years later

Micheal stepped out on his porch to see what his dog was barking about, what he saw was the last person he thought he would ever see, causing him to drop the truck part he was working on.

"Shit" he mumbled under his breath. She was still as beautiful as the day she left him.

"Stop staring and get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce" Maria said already annoyed by his presence.

"You show up here after seven years without so much as a "Hey there Micheal, remember me your wife" or a "Hi Honey! Looking good"

Maria stands there taking in his handsome face covered in grime and grease "You expect me to tell you you look good? What, they run out of soap at Walmart since I left?" Wiping the smirk off Michael's face.

He turns to walk back into the house. "What are you doing?" She yells. "Leaving. You should recognize the gesture" Michael says as the screen door shuts.

Maria let's out a huff and stomps up the porch steps "Michael! You dumb, stubborn redneck hick! The only reason you wont sign these papers is because I want you to." Micheal swings back around "Wrong! The only reason I ain't signing them is because you turned into some hoity-toity LA bitch, and I like nothing better to do right now than to piss you off!" He says as he slams the door.

Maria rolls her eyes and starts off to get the spare key.

(•••)

Maria is sitting on the couch pissed as Michael sits on the barstool drinking a beer, all of a sudden he starts laughing as he goes for the door.

Maria then notices the blue and red lights reflecting off the house. "You called the Sheriff! You know Valenti hates me" she hurries to find a place to hide but a voice stops her in her tracks.

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in" Maria turns with a smile and runs into the arms of Max Evan's as he spins her around in a hug that she has desperately missed these past seven years. "Oh Alanis we missed you around here" Max says as he release her. "Max, I can believe you're the Sheriff now" She has missed her brother in law so much.

"Yup. Get to frisk pretty things like you all day, and get paid for it" He says with a laugh "Just don't tell Liz I said that" He winks.

Michael decides it's time to break this reunion up "Alright Maxwell, let's be a little more professional, we have a crime suspect here". Max turns to Maria putting on a stern face "Now Maria you can't be breaking into peoples houses" He tries to lead her out but she starts walking to her purse "I didn't break in, I used my key" she says holding it up. "Well, it's still not your house"

Micheal wears a triumphant smile "Use the cuffs Max, please". Again before Max can lead her away she goes back to her purse "If you get him to sign these, I'll let you run me out of town." She says with a devilish smirk that if he wasn't so ass backwards in love with Liz, he would be a goner for.

"That's none of your business" Michael says as he tries to take the papers but Max beats him to it. "Divorce papers? I though you said you took care of this Michael." Max plays along for Michael's benefit knowing full well he hasn't taken care of it. "I thought I had" Michael stammers. "Well, since you are still married this is her house too and nothing I can do, I'll let y'all catch up" Max proceeds to walk out the door as Michael starts at him "I suppose shoplifting steaks from Walmart is okay" Maria runs behind Micheal "OH! I took them back and you know it!" she points at him.

Max continues to the door and Michael tries again "You remember that vandalism in the stockyard? Totally her." Maria scoffs at him "Like I could tip a cow, by myself." Max finally makes it to the door laughing under his breath as Michael makes a final attempt.

"Max. Isn't there an outstanding warrant for the person who dumped your jeep in the fish pond" Max stops in his tracks and Maria let's out a huge betrayed gasp.

Ha. Got her.

(•••)

After a day of cleaning out their joint account and making Michael crazy by sprucing up the place and acting like a wife, she finally got him to sit down to sign the papers, but there were a couple questions on her mind that she needed the answers to.

"What are you doing with all that cash? And since when did you quit Sanders? You're not doing anything illegal, are you, Michael?"

"Maybe I am. So what? I don't ask you about your boyfriend, you keep your nose out of my life, deal?" He looked up at her and she could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Who told you?"

"Honey, just 'cause I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid." He looks back down at the papers saying softly "Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten years old."

Maria feels like she got punched in the gut. "Yeah I guess not" she looks down at her feet. She walks over to the mantel looking at the pictures of her truck that Michael restored for her when they were 16. "I saw it in the garage when I first got here, I can't believe you kept it"

Michael looks up at her and he has never seen a more beautiful person in his life. Right then he decides he needs more time, he can't lose her again.

He looks down at his phone "Oh, hey Maria, you know what? I just remembered I have a date tonight" He stands up "You don't mind if I have my lawyer look at this right?"

"What!?" She let's out. How is it that this man can get her so riled up in 2 seconds flat.

"I'm just a simple country boy, there's words in there I can't even pronounce" He walks back to the bedroom when he hollers out "Thanks for stopping by"

Maria is beside herself and all she can do is release a breathe of frustration and stomp out of the house.

(•••)

After crashing Michael's date (which was NOT out of jealousy) with a really nice guy named Alex and making a complete ass of herself in front of all her friends she wakes up with a hangover and divorced papers signed on every line, every I doted.

This is what she wants, this is what she came home for. Then why does she feel so hollow?

Maria climbs up to the top of the Crashdown Cafe to finish her apology tour. Liz is already there hands resting on a rounded belly. Maria's heart aches at the sight, for joy for her friends and sorrow for what she lost at 18.

Liz looks up at her approaching and just like that Maria's let's it all out, neverending flow of tears as Liz pulls her down into her arms "I'm so sorry I left." Liz sushes her with "I know" with so much more understanding than she deserves.

With the tears and apologies out of the way Liz let's something slip in hopes that it will help heal her broken friends.

"He went out to California"

Maria is stunned.

"A year after you left. Michael doesn't know I know, Max let it slip one night. He told him he hadn't seen anything like it, saw how happy you were singing on stage, he knew right then he would need more than an apology to win you back."

Maria was still speechless. More tears were building in her eyes as Liz continued.

"He needed to concour the world first, hes been trying ever since."

"That's why he kept sending back the papers" she said with realization. Liz nodded.

"He went back to UNM and graduated at the top of his class. He's started restoring old trucks and selling them all over the country"

So that explains all the money she thought to herself. Michael was finally becoming the man she always knew he could be.

(•••)

"Thought I'd find you out here"

Michael turned his head to the voice as she joined him on the bed of his truck.

"Still love watching the storms roll in, some things never change" she said as she bumped him with her shoulder.

The two of them just watched the sky in the middle of the desert as the storm rolled in.

"Can't get a view like this out in California can ya Deluca?" He asked still looking out at the horizon unaware of her looking at him not the sky as she replied "No, you can't"

A moment goes by before she speaks again "Ever wonder what would have happened, if" Michael cut her off "We hadn't have gotten pregnant?" Maria nods her head. Michael takes a swig of his beer as he gets his thought together.

"I thought that baby would be an adventure. And it took me a while to realize, it would have been your only adventure. I wanted so much more for your life than to be stapped down with a kid and a husband going nowhere at the age of 18. So I didn't fight you when you left." Maria could see the tears in his eyes.

"I just needed a different life, after we lost the baby, I was just in so much pain" Maria said wanting him to know that she didn't leave because of anything he did.

"You done real well for yourself. I'm proud of you, Maria". He stopped her from saying more. Michael finally turned to look at her and rested his hand on her cheek wiping away a tear.

"I'm just sorry I never danced with you at our wedding, I'm sure this next one's gonna go better for ya."

Maria couldn't take it anymore and brought her lips to his and poured all her emotions into the kiss, hurt, sorrow, love. Michael started kissing back just as much as she was but he was about to do the hardest thing he ever had to do, he pulled back.

"Maria, you have a fiancee, you need to go" Maria pulled back feeling rejection and shame and without a word hopped off the truck and ran to her car.

(•••)

What do you do when you fiancee shows up and promises to give you the life you always dreamed of?

You plan a wedding.

Walking down the aisle and this should be the happiest day of your life but you know this is not right. As if on queue you see your lawyer running down the aisle and you tell him Michael signed the papers and yes that is true but you didn't.

Knowing you can't marry this man you tell him you gave your heart away a long time ago and never got it back.

You tell your friends and family to stick around your going to go find yourself a groom.

(•••)

It's raining when she gets to his garage Liz told her he owns. He's under the truck in the open bay when he hears Maria say

"Hey Cowboy, you owe me a dance"

He gets up and meets her out in the rain, the water making his curls she loves so much disappear.

"Nice dress, where's your husband?"

"I'm looking at him, apparently you and I are still married"

Michael can't say anything hes blown away with how gorgeous she looks in that dress soaking wet. What she says next makes him want to kill Max.

"Why didn't you tell me you came to see me in California?"

"I had to make something of myself."

"You about done?" She throws at him.

"What is it about you girls? You can't make the right decisions til you tried all the wrong ones?"

"At least I fight for what I want." Not backing down.

"Oh, what do you want, Maria? I don't even think you know."

"You're the first boy I ever kissed, Michael and I want you to be the last."

"Maybe you and I had our chance." He says as he starts to walk away from her.

"Fine! Have it your way, you stubborn ass!" She says running after him. Michael finally stops and turns around.

"Why do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?" Maria walks over to him and puts her hands on both his cheeks.

"So I can kiss you any time I want."

Michael can't hold it in anymore and pulls her into an earth shattering kiss that makes them feel like their world snapped back into place. Michael releases her and whispers

"I love you so much"

"Baby, you have no idea how much I love you too" Michael pulls her back into him.

Eventually they make it to the reception and finally have their first dance.

Michael has never been so happy, until one night three months later when they're cuddled up by the fireplace and Maria whispers the words "I'm pregnant"

#roswell new mexico #Marichael #miluca #candymilkshakes2019 #tw: miscarriage talk

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jay-m3 · 6 years ago

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BTS SCENARIO/REACTION X MALE READER

Request: Bts?!??!!???? Werewolf au????? And they meet a human (which is there mate) but will NOT let anyone dominate them but there (he) isn't dominate (does this make any since?

From: @kpopchangedmylifesstuff

Warning: nsfw

I'm sorry I'm a sexual active person lol I let my imagination run wild

Seokjin

When Jin first met you, his wolf went wild. All he can hear in his head is 'Mate, protect mate, fuck mate and love mate'. He wanted to go up to you but couldn't, not sure how a human would take it. For awhile now, he let the bond do it's work on attracting you. Once you both started dating, he finally told you who he really is. With that said, you accepted him of course. Not denying that all this soulmate talk is romantic. Yet theres a problem. A huge problem. Well, only for Jin really. You asked him if you can fuck him. Jin's wolf and himself froze in place. Not expecting any dominance from a human. It's usually the werewolf who doms the human. He immidaitly said no, which of course pissed you off. The full moon was coming up so Jins hormones are off the chart, getting horny randomly around you. He tried many things on getting it on with you, but once the clothes are coming off, you stop him and walk away. Saying that if you can't top him then he can't top you. When the full moon is around the corner he finally broke down. Stripping naked and spreading his legs, he begged you to fuck him as much as you wanted.

"Please, (M/n). Pl-please. Want you so bad. Cock deep in me!"

Yoongi

He couldn't believe his wolf when he confirmed that you were his mate. He heard about you, a well known player in campus. He didn't want to believe it. You, a human male. What's worse is that he heard you only top. Once the bond was known, you immediately attached yourself to Yoongi, wanting him to be your next fuck. Yoongi tried, very hard, to escape your grasp yet the bond pulled him towards you. You two only talked, no more no less. Physical attractions morfed into something more. Yoongi and yourself started to fantize about each other. Yoongi waking up every night with a boner when his dreams shift to him fucking you and you fucking him. He's ashamed of how empty he felt at days when you appear. He finally got the courage to tell you what he really is. You ghosted him for a week thinking over what this meant. Finally meeting each other, both of you talked on how neither one of you ever bottomed but will like to date each other. After a month of dating, the sexual tension increases. That tension crashed when Yoongi pulled you down on the bed.

"Just fuck me already. But next time you'll be bottom."

Hoseok

It wasn't his plan to find a mate if he was being honest. He liked his freedom, not wanting to be tied down like his friends. Watching each one get anchored down. But when he accidently bumbed into you, his whole perception on mates change. He didn't care if you were human, no, but he did care on how you came on to him. You were submissive in this second then the next, dominant. And right now, he couldn't believe that his wolf responded to that. Like right now. At first it was a heated kiss, you on his lap while his hands wonder your (s/c) skin. Then you started to push him down on the sofa, getting Hobi excited. His vision buzzed in arousal, not noticing how you wrapped his legs around your waist and started grinding. When your cool hands touched his abs, he got his senses back. He grabs your waist, stopping everything. He tells you he's not supposed to be like this, exposing himself as a werewolf. He argued he was going to be top in the relationship. He didn't expect for you to reject him as a mate. A painful stab was felt in his heart. Not wanting to let you go, he gets down on his knees and hugs your waist, stopping you midstep out of the door.

"We-we could work this out. Just. Just please don't leave me. We could both be tops and bottom. Yea, I'll bottom for you. Just. Please. Don't leave."

Namjoon

To be honest with himself, he never thought he will be in this situation. Him stalking you for 3 months. Not becuase you were male but a human. And at the time, he learned that you were an open minded person. A really open and fair person. He saw you fucking someone, hearing that you loved fucking as much as getting fucked. It didn't set well with him. But his wolf was determined to please his mate. So he started to masturbate first, thinking about you fucking him. It was unsettling. Then he worked his way up to his fingers in him. Not expecting how much he wanted your cock in him at the time. Finally knowing that he could get fucked without a problem, he made himself get noticed by you.

"Hi, I'm Namjoon and your mate."

Jimin

He hated it. Not you, but others. How they assumed that he will be the bottom bitch when he finds his mate becuase of his looks. In spite, he hooked up with others and showed them that he would never be bottom. Then you came in the picture, stopping his spite motives. In all honesty, he hated for thinking of rejecting you. But that's the only option he says to himself. Going up to you, all rejecting thoughts flew out the window. Both him and his wolf was in awe, listening to whatever you will talk about. He listened until you brought up sex. He was pissed when you said you had only topped and never will bottom. He was pissed when his wolf perked up in arousal. He hated it all. Noticing the shift in mood, you asked what was wrong. He blurted out everything. You grab his chin, making him look up at you with tears stain on his cute chubby cheeks. You told him that you both could be the receiver and giver.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't break down at this stupid thing. I love you and I know we could work this out. We are mates."

Taehyung

He was out partying when he first noticed you. Heart breaking when he saw you pinning a guy to the wall. Wolf fueled by anger and jealousy, he stalked over and pulled you towards himself. Growling at the guy who was also a werewolf. When the guy left, Tae pulled your squirming figure closer, trailing his nose up and down your neck. Finally pushing him off of you, you pinned him against the wall this time. Not sure why you where so turned on when you should be angry. Tae, surprised at your human strength gasped in surprised. Before he could stop you, he felt your hands lift him up. He couldn't believe how fast his body reacted, wrapping his legs around you, trapping you. He let out a deep guttural moan when your hips grinded against his.

"Fuck! Next round I'm topping your ass."

Jungkook

He couldn't help but let tears escape his eyes. Watching you in the distance for a whole year. He knows that submitting to a human is so wrong, but he can't help it when he moans out your name when he fucks himself on a dildo. He can't help himself fucking into his hand thinking of how tight you are. His pack mates always assumed that he will be a dominate wolf. Always tell him to get a girlfriend or boyfriend already. To lose his virginity. But no, his soul, heart and eyes are set on you. He finally got the courage to go up to you. Feeling self conscious when you eye him up and down unsure. You immediately told him that you don't want a relationship based on only you getting fucked. He quickly shook his head, ducking his head a little, telling you how he didn't want that either.

"If course not. That's not fun for me. I don't want to base our relationship on sex but uh I don't always want to be top either."

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rickssoberjourney · 5 years ago

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I Have the Capacity to be Just Like the Tasmanian Devil

A whirling mass of anger, wreaking havoc on the people around me. Sometimes, I feel just like that!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately. I truly feel that my Higher Powert is leading me into this conversation with myself. By exposing my character defects, my HP is compelling me to examine my part in feeling unwanted.

I remember standing on the playground in 5th grade. I was looking at the girls playing foursquare and the boys playing softball. My thought? "I don't belong...I don't fit in. I felt like I was on the outside looking in."

That feeling follows me into the AA/CMA rooms. Even though many people do greet me when I walk in, there are those who (for some reasons of their own...I can't presume to know what is going on in their lives!) choose to ignore me. Sometimes, it is a person with whom I have talked, exchanged texts with, or am Facebook friends. When those people ignore me, I go right into Tazmainian Devil mode.

Now, I don't do it outright. That wouldn't do. No, I do it quietly...to myself. I wish I could say that I don't know where these feelings of not fitting in come from. I wish I could feign ignorance as to why I get so upset when people (especially in the rooms) don't greet me in the way that I think they should. I wish I could say those things, but I can't. I know exactly where it comes from...

My father.

At the risk of sounding like Southern California pop-psychology, I have "daddy issues." I'm an only child and I was raised to please my father. When I would do exactly what he wanted (being obedient, getting good grades, etc.), he would shower love and praise upon me. But, woe to me if I disappointed him! Once, I came home with a C on my report card and the didn't talk to me for a week. He would treat my mom the same way. So, I learned a powerful lesson that was reinforced day in and day out until the day I got married and moved out of his house. That was 24 years of "learning" that my happiness was dependent upon sources outside myself. If YOU like me and approvedof me, I feel great; if you don't like me, I'm shit.

Through my involvement with CoDA, I came to understand the dynamics of my daddy issues. Today, when I feel rejected because someone doesn't respond to me the way I want them to (in the rooms, in person at a bar or club, or even online), I immediately feel unlikeable and unworth. I wonder, "What's wrong with me? Why doesn't that person like me?" Then, as a defense, I resent that person.

Case in point. There is a handsome, muscular guy in one of my meetings. We exchanged phone numbers and texted a couple of times. Then, he sort of ignored me at meetings. If I started a conversation with him, seeking him out, he would talk to me but he never initiated contact with me.

One day, he walked across the room, greeted the guy sitting right next to me with a hug and conversation, and totally ignored me. His reasons? I have no idea. But, I jumped to the conclusion that he didn't like me and I started my downward spiral. This went on for meeting after meeting. And, what's worse, I began to feel that way about several other people in the room.

Nevermind the people who DID greet me! I was hurt and pissed that the people that I WANTED to greet me didn't. What a shithole of self-doubt and anger because they didn't give me what I wanted. I knew there was a problem, but I placed the blame mostly on them and not me, even though I knew the genesis of my feelings.

Last night, things came to a head. It's amazing how my HP will smack me in the head to get my attention. That is exactly what happened at the Speaker's Meeting last night.

A Facebook friend whom I had never met face to face was at the meeting. We greeted each other and then he said, "Do you know Greg D.?" I wasn't sure. "Well, he told me that you sent him a friend request and then blocked him a few days later when he didn't respond right away." I was embarrassed and tried to explain, but the meeting was starting and I had to go sit down. That was a long meeting!

My HP was working on me. I knew that I had done Greg wrong. I knew that by sending a "nasty" message and blocking him, I was being hypersensitive and that I was definitely in the wrong. Then, I sat there looking out over the large audience. Unconsciously thinking, "Oh, that person is not nice to me." "He knows me and has talked to me on several occasions and yet he walks right past me unless I say something. Well, fuck that! Why should I HAVE to be the one to reach out all the time?" That kind of thinking went on for a few minutes.

Then God-smacked...

Maybe it is not them. Maybe it's you! Maybe you behave that way to build walls so that no one can hurt you. Maybe you look for reasons to keep people out. Maybe you think, "I'll hurt them before they can hurt me!" All of those choices (although difficult to swallow!) were definite possibilities. I sat there realizing just how fucked up I really am.

Now, I've learned enough from my sponsor to question my thinking. I've learned to be gentle with myself and to not tell myself that I'm "fucked up!" But the thoughts came anyway. And, while I could have been gentler with myself, I had to face the fact that I was running headlong into who I really was.

None of this is THEIR problem; it's MY problem. Thank you HP for giving me that uncomfortable realization.

What do I do with this? At times, I simply don't know. I'm trying to concentrate on those kind people in the rooms that always greet me and ask how I'm doing. I try to get out of myself, making sure that I talk more about them than I do about me. But, there's still a rub.

Today, in the 8:30 meeting, I shared about what happend last night. I confessed that I didn't feel welcome in the rooms but that I realized that it was MY PROBLEM and I wasn't blaming them at all. I told them that by "coming clean" about my issues that maybe I could trust them enough to love me through it. I'm so glad I shared!

The next person to share was that guy that walked right past me, ignoring me in favor to greeting the man next to me. What he shared floored me.

"I do exactly what Rick does!" he said. He related a story about a burgeouning friendship with someone in the rooms. He talked about the interests that they shared...and then, how that guy simply stopped communicating with him.

Just like me, he started in on himself. "Why doesn't he like me anymore? What did I do? Must must be a pretty shitty person for someone to treat me like that!" My thinking pattern EXACTLY! Then, he shared something that his sponsor shared with him. It went something like this: "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen."

Bingo!

He and I have expectations of people and of how we want to be treated. Nevermind that they have lives and struggles of their own. "You need to make me feel good about myself but treating right, damn it! You aren't living up to MY expectations!"

Fuck...what a trap!

The only conclusion I can come to is that I need to take care of my side of the street. I need to be open to those who greet me warmly. I need greet others warmly. And, if they don't, rather than making it "all about me!" I can utter a silent prayer..."Peace be with you!" and move on with my life.

But what about situations where I want to make friend with someone. There is another young man that I have become friends with. He (so far!) has been very welcoming and open to conversation with me, both in the rooms and on Facebook. But, I find myself doing things that will engage him. I find myself playing "come and get me," saying and doing things on purpose that I know will elicit a response.

I do it all the time in almost every aspect of my life, wheher it is baking for people or blocking them on Facebook. In doing those things, I try to elicit a response...responses that will make me feel OK about myself. Doesn't always work, however. There are those expectations setting up resentments.

Ok. I get it!

My dilemma: how do I get to know this guy (and others in the rooms) without playing "come and get me" and without manipulating them to soothe my wounded ego? Is every overture to another person a veiled plea to validate me? How do I know? Do I keep to myself and only interract when someone approaces me? With this man, do I sit back at let him come to me instead of manipulating the situation? How do I navigate this without building walls, while at the same time being able to live with the very real possibility that my expecations might be wrong and that I might get my feelings hurt? I'm not sure I have the answers yet.

For now, sitting back and letting things happen naturally seems the course that I will take. I desperately want this guy to like me (not necessarily in a romantic way!) but I think that my need for approval from him just might drive him away. So, I sit back and wait on my HP. If I'm supposed to get to know him, I will. I don't have to orchestrate it. In fact, I need to get the hell outta the way and let my HP take care of things because when I take the helm, I'm sure to run aground!

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victorscanero · 6 years ago

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FELT// Chapter two [tyrus]

Hey okay guys so the rest of the book will in cyrus' pov sorry of thid makes anything confusing I deeply apologize.

If you haven't seen chapter one that's here:

It's been weeks since Amber and I first hung out and we have been hanging out every day since. We have hung out so much that buffy and Andi were getting jealous, After I told Amber she suggested that the we have a mini party while her parents are out, Nothing crazy just a few friends of amber and T.J. that way there isn't so much pressure. "You would sit through Jandi drama for me?" I asked in aw. Amber gave me a look "Jandi...drama?" She asked clueless. "Jonah and Andi. it's their ship name." I sighed disappointed at my friends lack of fandom knowledge. "Right...anyways if it gets too bad I'll just talk to you but I think I can handle it." she laughed "and T.J. is going to agree to this?" "And is T.J. gonna agree with what?" T.J. asked slowly looking towards Amber. "Small party tonight! very tiny but you can invite reed and lester." Amber smiled hoping he would just go along with "Why would I do that when I could just hang out with reed and lester in my room?" He asked "because the party has to look chill and laid back and unforced." Amber said "So to not make it look forced you're going to force me?" T.J. rose an eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it must seem. T.J. and Amber to both break eye contact and looked at me "This really is crazy maybe we should just deal with the forced awkwardness of hanging out with buffy and Andi" "No, I'll do it." T.J. said "but it is crazy" he smiled at both of ud before turning around and leaving. Amber rolled her eyes and we began planning.

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The party seemed to be going well Jonah,gus and walker were hitting it off and Andi and Buffy were off to a fresh start there were others, but none that I really cared to talk to, that was until I saw T.J. alone at a table.

“What happened to your friends” I asked pulling out a chair to the right of T.J. at the end of the table he seemed taken back I assumed it was because the most I've spoken to him in the past weeks were when he would answer the door, but even then he just called for Amber and left.

After a moment, he replied. “Lester is looking for pudding despite my attempts of telling him we don't have any and I sent reed home.” he said “why'd you send reed home?” I asked letting my curiosity take hold. he raised an eyebrow and I began to regret prying “Do you always ask intruding questions?” but then laughed “Reed is... complicated.” he adding shaking his head “Great friend, but we are very different.” here's where I realized I made the mistake of assuming I knew who T.J. was. “I also might have gotten tired of his comments about my sister” he said causing me to laugh “Just tell him to ask her out she's been dying to use one of her reject lines” I smiled turning to where she was at i watched as her and Andi were dancing and for a moment I thought maybe she could lime her too

Just for a moment though because before i could blink Jonah was pulling her away. her smile falling only for a moment before turning around and sitting next to amber

“Cyrus?” I heard turning my head “yeah?” I asked looking at T.J. “You didn't hear me did you?” he said looking amused my face fell “Sorry I was seeing how Amber and Andi were doing.” truthfully that happened a lot, me getting distracted worrying about other people but he didn't need to know that. “Yeah so was I” he said still looking at amber when he turned to me i guess he could see my confusion because he then asked me a question i wasn't sure how to answer “Amber likes Andi, doesn't she?” i thought I sensed a bit of sadness in his voice and hoped it was because she didn't tell her and not it was a girl that she liked I waited too long to respond i know I did silence says a lot but i answered him anyways “I think if you want to know something about Amber, you should ask Amber.”

I partly felt like it was my fault he asked. If I lied and said i was just say dreaming, the conversation would have been off them and T.J. wouldn't have asked.

“How are my favorite boys doing?” Amber perked between us a hand touching each of our shoulder “We were doing fine before you showed up.” T.J. joked causing me to smile because relief of T.J. being mad at her went away. “Aw! that's what i said when you were born.” she took a seat beside me “Amber we're twins” T.J. said in a duh tone. Amber reached her arms back pretending to stretch “best 8 minutes of my life” she sighed “So how exactly do we kick everyone out of the house now that you guys are… Shall I say friends? We should watch the conjuring tonight.” she smiled “I'm down” T.J. smiled clamping his hand on my shoulder and getting up “IT WAS NICE HAVING EVERYONE COME AGAIN NEXT TIME” he shouted at the 10 people in the living room “well that's a passive aggressive way to tell someone to get out” I smiled walking to sat the living room and saying bye to buffy and walker before she left i couldn't find andi and jonah so I assumed they had gone home. After about 15 minutes the house was cleared. “I told him” Amber smiled “told who what?” I asked ��i told T.J. said i looked really happy talking to andi and then said i always look happy when i talked about andi so he asked me if i liked her and i may have ended up telling him i liked girls and he was cool with it.” my face dropped and i took her hand and smiled “Amber! That's great I'm so happy for you!” I said and i meant it i was unbelievably happy for her. “yeah i know” she was still smiling “Can you spend the night?” “yeah but I have to walk to my house first and get some things first.” I said “T.J.!” Amber called from the room we were in and T.J. came in seconds later “yeah?” “Cyrus is spending the night so can we take him to get his clothes?” Amber asked “Yeah if we can go now I'm ready to watch the movie” he said

I forgot all about the movie I thought I could sneak past it but seeing as T.J. is excited for it and I want to have some kind of connection with him i decided to just deal with it.

The car ride there was nostalgic fergie bops Glamorous, big girls don't cry, and london Bridge. Most people i know listened to these songs but i was still shocked to see T.J. sing all the lyrics to fergalicious. Me and Amber were both in the back screaming the lyrics along with him and when we got to my house only Amber ran in with me. I told my mom I would be back tomorrow around 6:00 and we left. Amber begged to stop by the store and seeing a neither me or T.J. wanted to go in we both stayed in the car.

“So” T.J. turned around to face me “ I know about Amber.” he seemed happier than when I first found out he suspected it. “And you're okay with it?” I asked finding that having a conversation with T.J. was becoming less and less forced. He nodded “I'm just really happy she's happy” he smiled “Plus it is a relief knowing she won't ever date reed just to piss me off again”

I laughed at that “Again?” I questioned he raised an eyebrow “She didn't tell you?” I shook my head “ofcourse she didn't tell you she was probably embarrassed. Anyways, well In 6th grade i broke a vase, it wasn't important and it was 10 dollars but, i blamed it on Amber anyways. She didn't get in trouble she actually got a hug for crying at my accusations but she was out for revenge anyways and ending up dating reed for a whole week. He cheated which obviously amber didn't care since she had zero feelings for him but to this day she regrets it because reed thinks that's whole reason she won't get back together with him” he explained the story and it was my turn to raise an eyebrow “No one thought to tell him she never had feelings for him? That could end this whole thing.” I laughed surprised.

“Reed hitting on amber has been a thing since elementary school no matter how much either of us complain the moment Reed gets into a real relationship and stops will be a very sad day” he said before I could reply I heard a known on the trunk and turned to see Amber, her figure disappearing behind the hood as she lifted it up.

“You heard all of that and we will make sure she knows you know.” T.J. smiled at me before turning back around. Amber came in the car and I couldn't help but make the first punch. “it's funny you have a crush on andi who has short hair and dated reed who has short hair… you must have a type” I smiled innocently “T.J. YOU TOLD HIM” she pulled the strings on her hoodie hiding her face “Sorry I couldn't help it, you can't just let your friends stay alone with me and not expect me to tell your darkest secrets!” he cranked up the car beginning to drive off “T.J. thought you were in love with me when we first started hanging out” that shocked me but i couldn't help but burst out laughing along with her “I did for a week and then i told you i think that's just how he acts” he said “what is that even supposed to mean” I continued to laugh “you know like your nice I noticed your nice to everyone” T.J. started to drive and the laughter died down “that's so not true!” I said knowing that it was very much true “Dude, Jenkins dropped his books while knocking yours out of your hand and you helped him pick his up.” T.J. laughed “that's so cyrus” amber said “Jenkins isn't that bad he is just douchey” i said knowing he was THAT bad. “Trust, he is i play basketball with him. That reminds me, if you ever decide to be fully out Amber and Jenkins gives you shit let me know. He is known for being homophobic.” We pulled into the driveway and she jumped out “That's the exact opposite of what I'm going to do but thank you for the tip” i began to wonder if that's why jenkins was always a total dick to me, could he tell I was gay? I pushed the thoughts aside when we got to Amber's room we all decided to watch it there and Amber had the bright idea to make a fort so we brought in chairs and blankets and moved her bed to the side and the mattress off of it.

A/n this ended weirdly but i wanted to start chapter 3 from the fort being done.

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garbageivereleasedintothevoid · 5 years ago

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02-10-20

I felt you needed to see this meme after today. To remind you that I am normally a very closed off open book. And I'm sure you'll figure out what that means but just feel freakin honored because I do not let most people see me cry. The fact that you're my therapist makes exactly no difference to my brain.

Anyway, yeah. That was a lot. For me. Idk. Maybe it wasn't that much but it was a lot for me.

You've seen me casually mention shit that some other people wouldn't be able to say at all. And that's part of the defense. Pretend it doesn't bother you and people respond like it doesn't. And you never have to address it because it seems like it genuinely does not bother you. But it's a ploy. One that... Sara saw through near immediately. She even called me on it a couple times. She was like "Idk what to do for you because you won't open up." And I was just like "I've told you everything." And she just flashed this grin briefly and said "But you haven't opened up." And I was like fuck she's right. And told her so and she gloated just a little tiny bit. She just be like that. Lil shit loves being right. Anyway, that was when I actually started to open up to her. Or at least try to. It didn't work at first. I didn't know how. But I kept trying and she kept encouraging me. Until it eventually happened but that was the only time I've seen her... Low-key lose composure. I broke the absolute fuck DOWN. Like full on lost all control. I... Ended up calling her mommy while sobbing. And I saw this look of horror on her face as I looked up. I had previously not been able to see as I'd been sobbing with tears in my eyes and had my head down. And I just launched into apologizing and freaking out thinking she hated me now. She was honest in her response. She told me she didn't know how to react but that I had no reason to be sorry and that she wasn't mad at me. She didn't seem fully confident as she pulled herself together though. Idk. I think it mostly just shocked her because I'd never reacted that way before and to be fair, it was pretty extreme. But... In the moment, I thought I'd just isolated myself from the only person who seemed to give a goddamn about me at the time. I felt... Like she was the only one who gave a goddamn about me and tbh? I don't think I was wrong. At that time in my life, she was the only one who knew me well enough to give a shit about me as a unique individual. She was the only one who... Stuck around long enough to... Really get to know me. Everyone else gave up on me. And I think at times she was really close but it took her a lot more to get close. She played the long game with me and won me over slowly. Gained my trust, pushed me, encouraged me to do better and be better like she knew I could be.

But she also was willing to learn along the way. She knew what nonbinary was when we first met. And knew what would be considered today to be the absolute basics of how to treat a nonbinary person. But five years ago that was close to as much knowledge as you could reasonably expect any cishet person to ever have and it wasn't common by any means. But she learned. And she learned quickly. And somehow, some people do not want to acknowledge that part that she played in my life. Some people think I should just accept my station and not push for better. Some people don't truly understand that they might be happy with their place but others aren't as privileged. And yes, having been physically beaten by your ex is fucking awful and nobody should have to have dealt with that but that doesn't mean you understand everything. And neither does a social work degree. I don't fit her idea of someone who's been abused and she doesn't like that. I wasn't abused by a partner and the physical abuse was... Not as prevalent as every other kind. The sexual abuse was a big thing but... Idk. Rn I am not focusing on that very much and I'm grateful for that because if I was, I'm certain it wouldn't go well. The thing I talk about most was the emotional abuse and manipulation as well as the neglect. When I wasn't being told I would get laughed at for wearing emo stuff to school, I was being told my medical condition wasn't bad and I was just looking for attention. I was called a whiner for expressing any pain. And I am not saying I was perfect. But I was a child. I should have been taken seriously and I for damn sure should have been taught the basic skills that one needs to survive. I was told to just pick thing up little by little each day but like? What does that entail? I'd ask for individual steps and be looked at like I was lying. I was consistently treated like filth you scrape off the bottom of your shoe. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask to be kept. I didn't ask for any of this. I was handed a shit hand and now I'm making the best of it. But without Sara, I would have never been able to make what I have of myself. She understood me. She saw my pain and validated it and showed me that I wasn't alone in this and proved that she had my back. She proved to me that I could trust her. And. She. Rooted. For. Me. When I was struggling to make it through the hardest parts she was there, urging me onwards with encouraging words. She never tossed me a "Oh, just get over yourself." Or anything like that. She was on my fucking side and she proved that. Beyond a reasonable doubt, she proved that she was trustworthy and behind me every step of the way. She sacrificed and risked for me and the fact that anyone would express disdain for her being credited pisses me off. What was Sarah Wolf doing when I was breaking down over losing all my things in 2016? Blaming me, that's what. What was she doing when I applied for section 8? Telling me it was selfish to apply and that I didn't need it as much as some people so I shouldn't apply. Sara helped me put in the application. She actually pushed me to even do it because I didn't really want to at first. Sara was the driving force behind the best decisions I have made these past few years. Hell, even Yoshi. I made that decision to take him in on my own. But Sara said she thought it was good for me to have an animal. Sarah Wolf said I should listen to Mark and give him away. And now she pretends like it was all her idea when I didn't consult anyone else before making this decision. This was my decision. And Yoshi was one of the absolute best decisions I ever made. Full stop. I made that decision. And one encouraged me to do good while the other tried to guilt trip me for it. Sarah Wolf primarily provided physical needs. And that's great. Totally appreciated. But the advice does not fit my life and I vehemently reject it.

Sara knows me. She spent 20 minutes to an hour a week talking to me about the deepest stuff that Sarah Wolf still has never heard me talk about. Sarah Wolf doesn't know how much I first freaked out when I first had that memory of the rape lodged in my brain. She doesn't know that Grover took some time out of the bar to hug me and tell me he was taking me to Cici's the next day to get my mind off of it. She doesn't know that I wanted to kill myself that night. She doesn't know that Yoshi meowing at me pulled me back from the edge that night. And she certainly doesn't know that imagining Sara's reaction to the news of my death is what gave me resolve to not do it. Because during that time, she was recovering from her spinal surgery. She was out for another month and a half still. And I didn't want her to come back from that to the news that I had killed myself after remembering that I had been violently raped at a very young age by my own father. That's partly what saved me that night. But that alone was what gave me the resolve to stay alive at least until she got back. And when she got back, I ended up telling her... But I had to get a few other things out first. And I said "One more thing and prepare yourself because it's... Really heavy." And she did. And I told her. And there was a moment where time stood still. And she said she didn't know what to say... Kind of stumbled a moment and said that again but added she was here for me and she would do anything she could to support me. And that meant the world to me. I knew she would, too. I knee before I told her. I knew she would be there for me. And she was. She promised and delivered. She never promised anything there was a chance she couldn't deliver. She always told me the truth. She proved time and time again how much she gave a fuck. And I don't respect when people try to doubt her presence in my life as a positive experience.

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