#i thought i'll feel better if i rant im sorry

[solivagantingrebel]

hey guys who wants another round of tmi

[the-smiling-doodler]

slams my head violently against the wall /neg

[oceantornadoo]

hii! can you do what it would be like asking price to put pads on the shopping list?? and then when price goes shopping he has to call you to ask for what size ?? 😭😭 btw i love love your work, hope u had a good day💞.

im pretty sure you're referring to this post but i decided to make this price x reader so :) enjoy!

bsf marriage pact!price x reader, he's slightly creepy but he's sweet (this is actually a bit dubcon but its in good spirit)

you had had a shit day. actually, make that a shit week. emotional the whole time, feeling lonely, depressed, and with the weirdest cravings. right when you were about to call your best friend and rant about how terrible you felt, you had went to the bathroom and- oh.

that explains a lot.

and now here you were, sitting on the toilet for the past ten minutes, contemplating. you were completely out of all period products and your flow was so heavy there was no way you were making it to the store free bleeding or with toilet paper as a makeshift pad. of course, that's when john decided to call you (let's be real, who doesn't take their phone to the bathroom. don't judge.)

"evenin', duckie."

"ugh john, i told you not to call me that. its so annoying."

john grunted a chuckle into the phone, swiping a hand over his beard. "you love it." silence. he could practically hear your eye roll. "dinner tonight?" he was pacing his apartment, uncharacteristic for a man like him. calm, cool, collected. never when it came to you.

"can't, sorry. maybe in a few days." he grunted. "could order a takeaway?" you sighed in his ear, the sound a melody he craved to hear over and over again. on lazy saturdays and in-between small fights over laundry. baby steps, though.

"its just not in the cards tonight, john, i'm sorry." you were never like this, withholding information. even when you cancelled on him, it was with a long-winded explanation with the names of about seven people he didn't know and plans you didn't want to go to. "'s wrong, duck? got a hot date or somethin'?" he mentally crossed his fingers, not allowing a physical expression. he wasn't that whipped. not yet.

"no, im just sick. and tired." his muscles relaxed. he started putting on his boots and grabbed a fleece, something gaz insisted was not too tryhard for someone like him. "i'll run to the store and grab ya medicine, hm? what'dya need?" you sighed again, rubbing your fingers to your forehead. he obviously was not giving this up and you did really need pads...

"ill text you a list when you get there. thanks john."

"anythin' for you, duckie."

list: pads, advil, that one chocolate candy you know i like, something for dinner

shit. price had been with a woman or two, but had never had to buy her pads. of course, he'd never let it get to that stage, not when he had you to take care of. but now here he was, staring at playtex and always and what the fuck was a diva cup? he'd better call you.

"all ok, john?"

"ya didn't give me a color on your pads, duck." you giggled. of course he paid attention to the green versus orange pads.

"its pretty heavy so some of the overnight and extra daytime ones would work." silence.

"...there's numbers." your cheeks warmed. you couldn't believe you were talking about this with john of all people.

"god, john. this feels so embarrassing. so weird to talk about with you."

"why? gotta know this for the rest of my life, duckie." shit. he was referring to that night a couple weeks ago, when you confessed to him you thought you'd never find love. when he said he'd marry you in a heartbeat, just say the word. when you compromised by telling him if you were still single in two years, you'd go to the courthouse then and there. when you didn't see him turn and write the date in phone, just as a reminder.

"5, john. there should be a moon symbol or something. and then 3. should be green, i think?" he grunted an affirmation, putting the respective pads in his cart. he turned around, having said goodbye and ended the call, and was subsequently greeted by three women, staring. paused in their product selection, staring openmouthed at how nonchalant he was about buying pads.

30 minutes later he was at your place, groceries and takeaway in hand as he used his spare key to let himself in. "duck?" all quiet. he stalked through your place and noticed the light on in the bathroom. one, two, three quick knocks. "john?" "'s me. can i come in?" "no i- need you to get me something." he waited patiently. "can you go to my dresser and grab a pair of underwear. something ugly, lots of coverage." who was he to say no to a free invite to your underwear drawer?

john dropped the pads outside your bathroom door and headed to your bedroom. finding your dresser, he had to give himself a second. calm down, old man. they're all clean.

that didn't stop him from sniffing a few, reveling at the scent of your laundry detergent. he almost groaned at the scent, imagining you in them. even in the "unsexy" pairs, your curves clothed in cotton and elastic, wrapped up in a lovely package. all his.

john selected a pair with "lots of coverage", whatever that meant, and headed to your bathroom. he opened the door with ease, setting your pads down on the counter. you shrieked.

"john! im half naked, you need to knock." obviously, the sight of your bare thighs and the top of your mound peaking out was most welcome, but he was more concerned about getting you off the toilet and putting food in your belly. "jus' me, duckie. come on, show me how to do it." he gestured at the pads. he couldn't be serious.

you slowly unboxed them, taking care to cover your naked body as much as possible. even while moving slowly, your shirt still shifted and he caught glimpses of your pretty pussy. an image for another day, when you weren't in pain. he focused on your fingers, deftly putting the pad on your underwear with years of practice. he memorized how you placed the pad, ensuring it stuck to your underwear before tearing the paper off the wings and tucking them on the other side. you looked up at him and he nodded, mission complete. "thank you, by the way." he kissed your forehead, so quick you could have missed it in a blink.

"turn around, i have to put it on." he sat back on his haunches, staring. "go'on. 've gotta learn somehow." you were too tired to care, ready to devour your dinner. you missed his hungry gaze as you revealed your cunt to him, wanting even though it was covered in blood. you missed his fingers twitching as you slowly pulled on your underwear, fabric caressing your skin like he yearned to. you got up, flushed, and washed your hands, missing how he tucked his fingers in belt loops and leaned back into the wall, a move he'd done many times in his tac vest.

"thank you, john. truly." he gave you a grin under the muttonchops, all satisfied. task finished, mission accomplished. you had asked him to do this, a husbandly duty. after you dried your hands, you made a move for the door, but he stopped you with a hand to the jaw. he brushed his beard against you, feeling the shiver in your bones. his mouth hovered near your ear, accent coming out low and sultry. "anythin' for my future wife, duckie."

--

ngl this got a bit weird but i like it??? had to struggle to not lean into my simon riley weirdness tendencies as im still learning john as a character.

[nakylvr]

Hi!

Can I request a Megan x fem reader from katseye?

Number 2: keep it it looks better on you

Or

Number:3 holiday/Christmas (I know it’s almost Halloween😭)

Can it be fluff?

And can I be🐻 anon?

you said or but...why not both? thank you for requesting this! 🫶 and ofc you can be 🐻 anon!! ur now my first one!! also this is so short idk what happened im sorry

— HOLIDAY SPIRIT

megan skiendiel (katseye) x fem!reader

summary: fluff prompt ("keep it, it looks better on you") + fluff scenario (holiday/christmas) from my 100 follower event OR you wear one of megan's holdies during your stay at her family's house for christmas

warnings/tags: established relationship, fluff

main masterlist | katseye masterlist

for the past few days you had been at megan's home with her and her family for christmas week, seeing as you had nothing better to do and her family welcomed you with open arms. it had been a great time during your stay with her family.

you were feeling tired after watching a movie with everyone in the living room, your head leaning on megan's shoulder as you feel your eyes close every other minute.

"i'm gonna lay down," you mumble to her. "i'm tired."

megan turns her head to look down at you, a piece of candy in her hand. she nods her head at your words, popping the candy in her mouth. "okay, i'll follow you in a minute," she replies.

"you don't have to," you murmur, getting up off the couch.

"i know." she smiles at you, eating another piece of candy.

a tired smile grows on your face at her response and you start walking away to megan's room. you slowly make your way into the room, closing the door and not bothering to turn the light on. you try searching for one of your hoodies that you're sure you left somewhere in there, and you grab what you think is your hoodie, throwing it over your head and shoulders.

you immediately lay down on the bed, and you hear the door open and a beam of light shines into the room. megan quietly walks inside the room, closing the door behind her and making her way to her bed.

"are you awake still?" she asks quietly.

"yeah," you respond.

despite the darkness, megan can see through it and a smile forms on her face.

"what're you smiling like that for?" you mumble.

"oh nothing~," she responds, getting in the bed next to you. "you're wearing my hoodie."

"what?" your eyebrows furrowed together and you look down at yourself. "oh, sorry i thought it was mine and-"

"don't worry about it, babe," megan cuts you off of the beginning of your rant, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you close to her. "you can keep it, it looks better on you." she smiles at you, kissing your forehead.

you can't stop the smile that grows on your face at her words and put your face in the crook of her neck, mumbling a "thank you." as you did so.

"don't thank me, you could literally steal all my clothes and i wouldn't be mad," megan giggles.

"noted," you chuckle lightly.

"hey! that was not an opportunity for you to do it!"

"i didn't say i would."

"but you will!"

[oleander-nin]

Im not sure if you still take reqs so sorry if you dont but can you do yandere donnie with a reader thats really bad at taking care of themself? Like they’ll stay up until like 5am playing videogames and end up sleeping in so much they decide to skip breakfast and lunch then end up eating a snack instead of a real meal for dinner because its to much work

A/N, not important: Uhh, I think I may have done this wrong- I had an idea, but somehow this came out instead. If it's majorly not to your tastes, send the request again and I'll try again. Thank you sm to @lethelagoon for the title and for helping me with the fic! Also this is posted on the tenth and not the third because I posted smth on the first and decided I could just skip to this week. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

Tw: mention of feeding tube, descriptive, mentions of drugging, pills, needles, abuse, kidnapped reader, dark themes, yandere themes

Words: 1357

Summary: Donnie comes home and finds out you broke his rules. Again.

“Do we need to go over your schedule again?” Donnie’s smooth voice sounds from behind me. I look towards him, shrinking down in fear. I set the console SHELLDON swore I was allowed to use down, racking my brain to try and find an excuse to get out of this. It had taken me three months to convince him I was fine being left alone, three months to convince him I wouldn’t break the schedule he created for me. Yet here I was, caught with the console on and his(or ours, as he liked to claim) bed unmade, the clock shining the traitorous numbers brightly. It was three in the morning, and Donnie had just returned from a mission, catching me in the act. I gulp. This was not going to go well.

“Well?” He asks, crossing his arms and tapping his foot. A scowl was on his face, signaling his distaste to the world. I chew on my cheek, opening my mouth and closing it over and over, trying to think of something to say. I didn’t want to be drugged again. I wouldn’t let him drug me again.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I say. It was a half-truth, which is better than a full lie. He can’t prove I wasn’t having trouble sleeping. Hopefully he won’t realize I never tried.

Donnie scoffs, a scowl set on his face. “Then you ask SHELLDON for sleep medicine. That is not an excuse and you know it. Gosh, you’re so- UGH!”

I cower back, my hands starting to shake as he paces around the room, his arms flailing as he continues to rant. I was going to be punished again, I was sure of it. Images of the isolation room and chains flashed through my mind, the slick taste of pills burning my throat. I couldn’t go through that again. I never wanted that to happen again.

Noticing my shaking, Donnie rolls his eyes and crosses the room in quick succession. He scoops me into his arms, holding me close while he continues to grumble under his breath. His arms were tense, the muscles more defined due to his anger. I couldn’t help the wave of panic coursing through my veins, my mouth going dry. 

I brace myself for the sharp pinch of a needle, but it never comes. I glance at his face, his dark eyes boring into mine. He wasn’t pleased, that was certain, but I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t freaking out. Last time I did something like this, he stripped the room of anything I could mess with and kept me locked up for a month. I still remember the pills he brought in, every night at seven. I shudder at the thought, the feeling of my body shutting down and pulling me into an unwanted sleep. 

He continues to stare at me, scanning my face slowly. He sighs in irritation, adjusting me in his arms before carrying me further into the room and setting me on the bed. He sits on the edge, his eyebrows furrowed as he takes his gear off slowly, letting each glove and padding fall to the floor. His steady hands were shaking in anger, his drawn eyebrows furrowed. My chest is tight in fear, knowing what was to come. The only wonder I had was why he was taking so long. I watch his face, trying to look past his eyes and learn what he was thinking. His silence was never good, a painful indicator of how ruthless he could be. Silence was a warning with Donnie, never a blessing.

“You didn’t listen.” He says, his voice tight. He’s not looking at me, his eyes trained on the floor. His hands squeeze the blanket of his bed, his green knuckles going white from the force. My blood runs cold and I desperately try to think of a way to fix this. He looks back over at me, his eyes narrowed and furious. “Why? Do you think I’m wrong? Do you not see the way I love you and want you to improve?”

I stay silent, unable to form a response. I didn’t know how to tell him the way he loved me was wrong in every way possible. I didn’t know how to tell him I still wanted, no needed, my escape from reality. 

His eyes wash over me again, my body feeling heavier with each look he gave me. It was like every time he scanned my body, another layer of fear and shame was set on my shoulders. The room was getting smaller, my lungs struggling to take in air. My left hand crosses my chest and sits on my shoulder, my right digging painfully into my thigh. I couldn’t do this. I wanted to go home. I hate him, I hate him so much. I can’t do this, I can’t be near him. All he does is hurt, and take, and I can’t leave. I was going to die here, stuck under the sick obsession of a mutant turtle.

I feel his hand on my back and I try not to cry, panic and fear growing until I feel as if I would pop. I couldn’t live like this, not any longer. I look up, seeing the way his face had tensed. I could see his lips moving, but couldn’t hear the words. I feel my throat ache from the held back tears, my entire body thrumming in sync with my heart. It was too fast. His room was too dark.

“Breathe.”

I suck in a sharp breath at the order, my body conditioned to do as he says without question. His hand goes under my chin, gripping it firmly, but not harshly. He makes me look into his eyes, the same eyes that were unbothered as he locked me away for weeks. The same eyes that stared angrily as he shoved a feeding tube down my throat when I forgot to eat. A sob bubbles from my chest as I try to pull back, survival instinct kicking in. His grip on my chin grows tighter, his other arm looping around my back and holding me in place. He places his forehead against mine, his lips moving once more. I could feel the words around me, the vibrations in the air, but I couldn't hear them. I could understand what he was saying, but I didn’t know what he said.

I continue to cry involuntarily, the hand holding my chin shifting to cup my cheek so he can wipe the tears as they fall. It didn’t help, his thumb wasn’t fast enough to wash them all away. I sit like that for nearly twenty minutes, the world around me crashing down and landing on my chest. My vision swirls with each sob while Donnie continues to hold me and whisper useless, silent words.

My vision swims one last time before the room starts to come back into focus, a harsh ringing in my ears. Donnie’s face is inches from mine, his drawn eyebrows furrowed. I stare at them through my sniffles. I never noticed he didn’t take off his mask. I try to turn my head to look at the room, but his grip on my face is strong.

“Are you done?”

I blink at him, his thumb roughly swiping my cheek as a stray tear falls. I forgot how his voice sounded for a moment. I take a deep breath, nodding. I didn’t have any other way to tell him, and I doubted I would fall into another fit. His hands fall from my face and I lean my neck back, staring at the ceiling. I felt numb, like my tears washed away every emotion my body once held. I couldn’t tell if I felt free, or even more suffocated. It was surreal, having my body be able to go through such stress before falling back as if nothing had happened.

Donnie’s hands trail down me, as if he was afraid I’d fall apart if he let go. They loop around my waist, pulling me firmly into his lap before he shifts on the bed and falls backwards, keeping me on his chest. I don’t fight it this time, letting him press a kiss to the crown of my head while he slowly rubs my back.

“This is what happens when you don’t listen, love.” His voice is quiet, one hand leaving my back to take his mask off while the other holds me tight. I let my head fall, my cheek pressed uncomfortably against the hard of his plastron. I let my eyes close, too tired to fight him any longer. I feel his chest vibrate as a small chuckle can be heard from him. “There you go. Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up so we can discuss your new schedule. This will never happen again.”

I feel my stomach churn at his words, but I do nothing more than hum in agreement. I couldn’t fight anymore, my energy zapped. I just hoped I could sleep in tomorrow. I would delay a talk with him forever if I could. I take another breath and sleep comes for me, dragging me down into the darkness of my mind.

[d-lanx]

ok so final thoughts. i was holding onto hope that the reason punk/drew was opening was to give them time to clean up before post-show interviews. and then they didn't have punk or drew in the post show. so why have punk/drew open? there's literally no good reason. im betting it was just for the rock to make a shock return. as hhh said in the post show, he does what he wants. and with how despite this, punk/drew was the most heavily advertised and most anticipated, i think it was originally supposed to main event until the rock got involved.

problem is it just completely overshadowed everything else on the card. it peaked too soon and there was no way for any other match to top it, making everything look worse by comparison. i feel like just reordering the card would have majorly fixed it. even if punk/drew were second to last, it would have done the card a favour moreso than it did by going first. and ideally it should have main evented. but as we all know, rocky can't handle being anything but the main event. sorry, but this bloodline match didn't need to main event at all. it would have been fine as second to last. they've main evented enough ppv's with this storyline and i'm sure they will for many more (*cough cough* survivor series *cough cough*), they should have switched it up for a change.

the rest of the ppv just felt kinda flat and even the crowd seemed worn out and a bit dead for the rest of the ppv after being so hype for the first match. and from the looks of the dash, anyone who would normally have a hard time staying up late for ppvs (either for work or timezones, etc) just used it as an excuse to switch off after punk/drew, and those who stayed weren't paying much attention cos they were all still talking about punk/drew. the biggest talking point should go last if you want people to pay attention to the whole show and stick around to even watch the whole show. it'd be interesting to see viewership after punk/drew, cos i imagine they'll be a drop after that match (possibly with a pick up towards the end).

i know i'll be rewatching punk/drew over and over. but tbh, i'm finding it hard to really care about anything else. honestly i'd rate the ppv 10/10 if it ended after the first match, but with the rest, and the fumble on the main event entrance, overall the show was pretty mid. punk/drew just shone too bright for anyone else to stand a chance.

just goes to show that, as much as people may say the order doesn't matter and everyone is special and gets a participation award, it does in fact matter who goes on last.

(sorry i don't normally rant like this, i just had a lot of thoughts i wanted to get down. creative really fumbled this ppv ngl).

P.S. if punk was actually supposed to do the post show and they opened so they had that chance for a break, and only missed cos he genuinley felt unable to do it after the match, while i can better understand why the match would have opened, it still doesn't stop it from outshining everything else on the card like that.

[myfanfic-urfantrash]

Hi, excuse me, I would like to dump Jing Yuan scenario that i've been thinking (feel free to delete this because this is very self indulgent im so sorry)

Alpha Jing Yuan and beta reader has been friends for a long time. They've pining for a while, but they didn't confess because it has a chance to ruin their friendship for the worse. They're quite content to stay friends with him... or so they thought.

Jing Yuan becomes notably close to an omega.

Right then and there, they realized that... this wasn't pleasant at all. But there's really nothing they could do about it.

Alpha and omega... are meant to be.

They tried to speedrun these... stages of grief, wanting to just accept it. An alpha is better of with an omega, after all. It's their own fault to even think about being with Jing Yuan.

They're just a beta, a loyal friend. They have no right to be jealous, they're not his mate.

...but it still hurts.

ps. i'll leave the ending to interpretation. Give them a happy ending if you're feeling enough pity for them. I'm not really familiar with A/B/O, but i feel like betas aren't really... appreciated enough? From what I saw, omegas are a little glorified or something, idk im new. Holy sugar, I'm ranting–im so sorry have a nice life.

I live for the self indulgent! Also betas are slept on in omegaverse you're not wrong.

This isn't a scenario though so sorry about that I just don't have the energy for those. But I did want to share with with everyone in case someone out there wants to write for this because this is a great story idea.

Personally I'd like to give them a happy ending where it's just a misunderstanding like the omega is some distant relative or an old friend of Jing Yuan's he hasn't kept in contact for a while and missed. I love reading happy stories with betas and other dynamics because it's like going against this whole alpha/omega fated pair thing and how love can still blossom outside of that. I dunno that's all I got :3

[anacoreee]

random, very messy shifting rant (but im mainly just yelling at myself) ♡

this is very random, but i think one of the reasons why some people might not be in the best relationship with shifting is because they're afraid of failure.

for example, some of my earlier shifting attempts. i attempt shifting but i don't end up actually shifting because im so worried with the idea that i won't or can't do it to the point where shifting becomes a burden because I'm trying to escape this reality instead of actually focusing on shifting. I realized that this may be the main thing holding me back. i know I'm capable of it. i know anyone can shift because people have done it and we are infinite beings. we are so capable. period.

this is why i want to get rid of the thoughts that come to mind the second im about to shift. literally who cares? why are you even thinking about it. "but then ill have to go to school tmr morning if i dont shift! yadayada cri cri cri" .. ok, but like ur physical body is going to anyway.. and like... what if u do shift, genius??.. yk whats cooler?? being in ur damn dr! like be soo fr if u want to shift and you believe in it why are you so worried about 'failing' like it's not even failure. that's lowkey just a step closer to shifting. you're finding out what you could do differently, what may work for you better.

also linking to the part about being worried about this reality, they shouldn't be burdens. they're just experiences. experiences are things everyone who is consciously aware of their surroundings will experience(literally everyone ever?? everyone in every reality. even this one, even in ur dr, even in some reality where ur dad and ur science teacher are having an affair and literally only your mailman knows) for example, you go to school in ur dr and u have ur least favorite subject first thing in the morning, for me, I'd be like, 'yeah but like... it's my dr... I'll still be in my dr..' ... ok but like... this reality is a reality just like your dr. be so fr, there's nothing special about that reality more than this one. yeah, it might be ur fav anime, but anyone who's in that reality might just think like how you think in this reality. humanize ur damn reality. It's not much more special than any other one. it might be based off opinion(thats literally why we shift awareness in the first place), yk morally. but actually. every physical reality is a reality that is not much more special than any other one.

sorry this is literally just what it sounds like in my head. ill be thinking about one thing then another thing in like a milisecond. but even just ranting some of my feelings about shifting, this really made me feel much better.

[kyokikia]

Im curious, do people even write for uta? Do people like uta at all?? If you cant tell, she's my favorite female character! I dont see anyone talking about her 😭😭

i might write for her if someone requests it (when requests are back open) but she might be the only one piece female i would ever write for so, sorry for that

Has anyone else on here watched film red? I wanna talk about it with someone because its one of my favorite movies, currently listening to new genesis as i speak (ado's singing was HEAVENLY in the movie)

Ado's singing is so heavenly, and she honestly captured the supposed greatness of uta's voice PERFECTLY. I watched the movie in sub so i couldnt hear amalee dubbing uts, but honestly, i listened to amalee's covers of the songs, and i think the dub watchers were robbed from hearing amalee's covers. She covered all the songs PERFECTLY! She did the spell part of tot musica perfectly aswell and i adore Amalee's and Ado's works so much!

SPOILERS UNDER KEEP READING FOR ONE PIECE: FILM RED

I think she's a little crazy but i love her a lot, what she did in the movie is honestly justifiable. I love her design so much, i wanna cosplay her but i got my bills to pay 😭 i'll do it once i get extra money tho, anyway, i feel so bad for her because for years she thought that shanks had abandoned her but turns out she was manipulated into singing tot musica by the people of Elegia 😭 i feel so bad knowing on how much she probably blamed herself for what happened but it wasnt her fault at all

Shanks is so selfless i swear, the way he just chose to take the blame instead so uta wouldn't blame herself and so she could make other people happy with her voice aswell 😭♥️

Watching uta descend into madness, as her mental health and physical state reach its absolute lowest was so heartbreaking (but the movie was so cool to watch!)

As you probably know, the wakeshrooms cause the person who eats them to stay awake until they die, and makes them more aggravated and brings out their negative emotions more, so i can see why she became more deranged as the movie went on. i feel so bad for her she deserves better 😭 i see why she was driven into madness after meeting shanks after all those years

Being kept on that island for so many years mustve been so depressing, so she was in a bad mental state most of her life. Kept alone, isolated with the entire world other than Gordon, not knowing anything going on in the world is so sad

I can see why she hates pirates so much, seeing as she cares so much about her fans (that she would trap them in the sing sing world just so they wouldnt have to deal with pirates anymore and for a 'new era' which she had good intentions with, but honestly it wasnt that great of an idea) she had the idea that all pirates were bad, and seeing all her fans sending her video mail about it probably amplified her hatred.

I took notice on how by the time uta had to sing tot musica, she was in her absolute worst mental and physical state, some of the words were linked together some words were messed up, i think ado captured on how much of a terrible state uta was in by the time she was forced to sing the song perfectly, i adore ado's singing in film red so much

I might've misunderstood uta honestly, i might've done her wrong in this post, i also realize this entire post is a rant but oh well i honestly just wanted to talk about her, anyone wanna tell me their thoughts on film red?

[my-mom-named-me-duck]

this rant spiraled into a vent.

read at your own risk.

your triggers are your responsibility not mine.

I'm too fucking lazy to put every possible trigger in the tags.

don't read this if there's a possibility you'll get triggered.

do you ever feel too scared to be sad? am I just weird? like im ok with joking about bad things that have happened to me but I just feel absolutely terrified to take myself seriously and let myself just kinda be a puddle

I'm the positive one I'm the one who always makes jokes I'm the entertaining one in so many peoples lives and I'm so scared of not being that because that's all I've ever been for so many y people for so long

what am I if I change

what will happen to me if I quit the act

I've slowly started to be less positive and I've lost so many friends and I've been forgotten by so many people so what will I become if I just stop being the funny lil guy

my friends and family are genuinely disturbed by what I've become slowly over time but its not like I've changed inside I've just gotten so burnt out by putting on a mask and its beginning to slip

im just so tired of this but I know I'll be dropped by everyone I care about if I cut the act

my mom already forgot me and all of my former friends either don't care about me or hate me

im just tired I'm tired of putting on a smile just because people are disgusted by me if I don't

im tired of being responsible for everyone's mental issues

im tired of picking sides

im tired

i just throw my problems into the void that is Tumblr because no one from my life will read this

i cant even talk to my therapist because if I do she'll have to make a report and I'll be sent back to the mental hospital so I just gotta bottle everything up and just fucking smile

auntie if you're somehow reading this through the parental controls. fuck you. I fucking hate you I wouldn't have fucking scars on my arm if it wasn't for you I wouldnt feel scared to talk to people about my problems through the internet if it wasn't for you I wouldn't feel so shitty if it wasn't for you I fucking hate you. every time I see my fucking arm I think of you every time I see that fucking dog in the corner of my screen I'm reminded that you're watching my every move you and the mental hospital are the reason I always feel like I'm being watched because I am i have no safe outlet I have no one to go to and I just sit here and boil in my stress yet you think this is way healthier than before how the fuck do you even think that this is the first time in years I've even had passive suicidal thoughts yet you see this as better fuck you I fucking hate you you're the reason I wanna drink again because I feel like absolute shit fuck you.

im not ok and I'm sick of trying to pretend that I am

I'm tired of being nice to the people who hurt me I'm tired of waking up every day I'm tired of this I'm tired of people pushing their mental issues on me I'm sick of people trying to feel sorry for themselves by saying "oh you feel like shit it must be my fault so let me make you feel guilty by blaming your problems on myself making you have to be my therapist and convince me that I'm not the reason you want to cry yourself to sleep making you feel even worse in the process"

i'm done with putting people first when they don't even give a shit about me

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey cas, i just need to rant

I'm crying rn and i need to tell someone this

Ok this is a stupid way to start this but my duolingos nit working. Fine not a big deal. I went and told my mom and she didnt even let me show it to her and told me to get my dad to help me bc she doesnt know how. So later when my dad was awake i told him the problem and she was there. My dad was trying to figure it out and she asked if she could see my phone. The thing is whenever she asks to see my phone to fix something i end up seeing something and realising i might know how to fix it so i ask if i can have it back to try the thing and sge always yells at me and rips my phone out of my hand and says i have no right to touch it because its not really my phone. So i asked her what she was going to do on it because i think I've tried everything and i don't think it's going to help especially if shes not the one talking to the support people (my dad was). She got mad and said to stop complaining and give her the phone i calmly explained what i just did hiw when she tries to help it isn't helpful and it always ends in fights because she never allows my input (very calmly like i was literally just explaining my thought process and why i think it would do more bad than good) she interuppted my yelling and said that if when people ask to help me and i just call them mean and whatever then people aren't going to want to happen (side note the difference is everyone else who offers me help i am allowed to say no and choose wether or not to explain why as well) and then said if i dont accept help graciously then i don't deserve anything. (I have bad mental health and she knows that to an extent) so now im crying

And i KNOW if i were to bring this up in the future she would say "i dont remember that. That didnt happen. Youre making that up"

Every time i try to communicate how im feeling and why i feel that some things she does or says may be hurtful and damaging she takes it as a personal attack. I've been trying to get better at communicating my needs and feeling but everytime i do she makes me feel like im doing something wrong.

Sometimes i get so overwhelmed I'll start crying out of nowhere or yell or something and she'll either say im being dramatic or literally laugh in my face.

Thank you and sorry for punctuation and spelling mistakes i probably made a ton

Hi!

I can relate to this SO much, omg. My mom is just like this, and it makes you feel so crazy, right?

Please know you have a right to your feelings and if you communicated the way you say you did, you did nothing wrong! Unfortunately it sounds like your mom has some things to work out about not taking things personally.

As someone who also deals with this, I have to say that sometimes picking your battles is key. While in a healthy relationship, sharing your feelings is super important, with a relationship like this, it could just make things worse. So a lot of times I just ask myself- 'is it worth the potential fallout?' sometimes, if it's something really hurtful, it is. But sometimes, I just let her make stupid decisions. SO like in this case, maybe next time you could give her your phone, let her realize she can't help, and then move on to whatever the next step is. Because she's probably not going to listen to you, you know?

It sucks to have to think like this, especially as the child in the relationship, but it might be reality.

Sending love! Naming you duolingo anon

[arisuworld]

Hi Arisu, is it okay if I send this ask? :(

I’m feeling so deeply sad and depressed over my life. I hate it so much cause it’s making me so desperate to enter the void state. I won’t go into details but long story short, my home life is beyond horrible right now and I’m so behind on everything.

I’m using the desperation I feel to fuel myself to affirm and affirm and affirm. But why do I feel so anxious? :( I want to be like you and the others who can change their assumptions. I want to stop crying myself to sleep every night. I hope you can give me some advice or something. I’m so sorry to put this onto you. Thank you

Hii sweetheart!! It's totally okay to send me asks, im here to help yall and I've no problem at all.

I can totally understand how you must be feeling. I advice you to ask yourself what type of limiting beliefs you have, like what do you think when it comes to void state and loa. Do you think it's hard to enter? Then It will be hard to enter. Do you think it's impossible for you to manifest? Then It will be impossible for you to manifest. Ask yourself and sort it out because Everything comes down to your assumptions. Always remember, law of assumption is THE LAW. It cannot FAIL YOU. All you have to do is put some faith in it and persist in the new story because PERSISTENCE IS THE KEY!

You should work on your void concept first. I think it's the important part you should work on firstly, to enter the void state. To change your void concept, leave the old story behind. If you used to think that "I can never enter void" change it to "I HAVE ALWAYS entered the void state easily and naturally" and that's it. It's so easy to change thoughts!! You can also listen to void state subliminals and affirm while at it. You can also do a challenge (like 10k or 20k) but only if you want to. If you don't want to do the challenge, just affirm 10 minutes every hour and put all your faith in those affirmations. Start meditating because it honestly helps a lot in entering void.

Also, I know it must be hard for you. But desperation will get you NOWHERE baby. You have to understand and let go of it. Desperation is not the key! It will not help you at all. It will make you seek results in 3D (which is not the real reality, the only real reality is 4D = your imagination). And only affirming all the time is not enough. Persisting and Putting faith is also important. You should always persist in the new story and ALWAYS BELIEVE IN IT because that's what makes it easy! Always believe it's easy!

One more thing, stop thinking about others okay? Why do you want to be like me sweetie? I'm not perfect, no one is. I've flaws just like everyone else. I might seem like I've great self concept and that I'm a master manifester but tbh I'm not. Yes, I've manifested a lot of things (random, physical appearance and like lot of things) but I've not entered void yet. And sometimes I feel the same desperation. I feel like it's not real, everything is fake but void state being real is the only hope which keeps me alive! So if it's make you feel any better, just know that, I'm also on a journey with you and we're both going to make it out NO MATTER WHAT!

Lastly, my dms and asks are always open! If you ever want to talk personally or rant or just need somebody to talk? I'm always here. I'll help you as much as I can. You're not alone!! I wish you luck and hope the best for you! Good luck <3

[blueberryarchive]

tw; rape, suicidal thoughts, self harm?

hi, goodnight everybody. i'm here again to tell you all, even though it's very obvious, that this blog is dead for good. for good. life has been really fucking disgusting these past few months, i tried to date people right after a big break-up, it always ends up hurting me more and it always ends with a bisexual fetish shit.

so you can see that sex has been a very complicated topic to talk about since i discovered that some of the memories i have of my ex are actually SA. it's overwhelming, it's disgusting but I can't stop thinking about it (hence the porn addiction i talked about before) and I can't write about it without wanting to puke and dispose of my skin.

that sinking in the chest arose again. my sexuality, my gender and my pockets are destroying my happiness and I've been thinking about pointy objects and death again. do not worry I'm trying to get better.

i can't like girls were i live, i can't be a man and a woman or none were i live and i can't be happy in my own house because i have no privacy. i have two jobs now and I just come home to sleep. writing feels like a chore, a heavy one. i hope you all can forgive me and understand this.

if you want to talk, i'm here, i'm still using the app and I'm always available if you need help, if you just want to rant, whatever. God knows i needed someone like that this year. im going to therapy even though it's making me more broke, I'm trying to move out, I'm trying to process the fact that I was raped by the person I love the most and I didn't even think about the possibility of being that until he broke up with me, I'm trying to quit porn all together. that's the short story.

text me, i'll answer; love you; thank you so much for reading the stuff i wrote and i'm sorry, not only because I failed you guys but because I really enjoyed writing.

i hope that, if, when this big wave settles, i can come back with more weird things to write about. take care.

-blue.

[away-ward]

im sorry for this rant KO, but why on earth is the bonus content for nightfall is the start of the horsemen? Like omfg. I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus 😭 i'm so fucking upset. I initially wanted to pre-order the paperback but thinking about that whole alex drama in BC, i didn't, thank the lord for that! But i was still hoping for a willemmy bonus or maybe a will or emmy's back story, but we're getting to see Damon, A-FUCKING-GAIN? How many fucking bonus do we have to see him??! Fuck, i'm so upset, idk who to rant this with because i don't talk about this series to anybody irl.

Excerpt from PD's insta:

DAMON GRABS HIS JACKET OFF THE COURT AND PULLS IT ON AS HE LEAVES.

"YOU OKAY?" MICHAEL ASKS KAI.

BUT KAI JUST GESTURES TO DAMON WHO PUSHES THROUGH THE HEAVY DOUBLE DOORS. "I TOLD YOU, MAN," HE BLURTS OUT TO MICHAEL. "HE'S TROUBLE."

"NO," MICHAEL QUICKLY RETORTS, LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION DAMON LEFT. "HE'S AN ENFORCER, KAI."

HIS FRIEND STARES AT HIM.

"AND EVERY TEAM NEEDS ONE," MICHAEL ADDS, DROPPING THE BASKETBALL INTO KAI'S HANDS. "TELL THE COACH I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

end-

🥲 ngl, i'm so sick of damon's appearance, at this point not only his character wasn't my fav, pd over-pushing him makes me really hate him now. "He's the enforcer" ughhhh, and when did this branding ever came up in the devil's night series? I only remember this point being discussed here on your blog of your meta about damon's character and his implicit role in their friend group and family. Istg i really never saw his role being discussed and branded like this anywhere, so the only place it could happen was in the private chat's of their pendragon fb group or between PD and their editor/most trusted beta readers. Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from? And ofc in PD's fashion, they had to rebrand Damon's role to be positive and borderline inspiring 🙄

and fuck, who cares about logic right? Definitely not PD when they kept on writing A and meaning B in their stories, but kept on being pissed off when readers understood it as A. 🤡

at this point, i'm not even excited anymore for this bonus content. I genuinely thought something good will come out of it, but with their opinion of willemmy a few weeks ago, and now with this. Idk. But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it. So of course, we'll never gonna get a willemmy bonus content. Ugh. I can't fault them for wanting to move on, but for someone who wnats to move on so bad and ignore the uncomfy parts of their own mistake in writing, they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters 🙄

but fr KO, it really left a sour taste in my mouth when an author behaves like this. Penelope Douglas is just so, ugh, idk. At this point ideky i'm still hoping for them to be better tbh when they've always been known to be problematic, like they're always just so disappointing. I need to detach my feelings for books i like to read with their authors, because i'm just gonna end up upset like this. But it's so hard!!! Especially when they're indies and you like some parts of the things they put out, and can't always find it anywhere else. Ughhh. i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

Hey. Oh man, I feel your pain.

I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus

Ohh, I wish I was with you on this but I’m actually excited about it. As someone who wants to understand these characters better, and who absolutely goes bonkers over character origin stories, this is right up my alley. I never expected any kind of Willemmy scene, so maybe I’m not as disappointed as I would be otherwise.

From what I heard, there are some willemmy scenes in this origin story though! So not all hope is lost (although I don’t know how it’s supposed to make sense, since I’ve also heard that this starts during their freshmen year and Emmy’s a year younger so… but whatever. I’m just happy for the moments!)

I am so sorry that this isn’t what you wanted!

Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from?

As much as this idea tickles me, the fact is that this was probably written months ago, and I only really had that discussion with in the past few weeks. More than likely, we were just picking up on something PD was implying the entire time.

But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it.

I’m still holding out of that pinterest board and discussion questions (though, it may be a lost cause). It just seems so stupid that they’d withhold those two things since they’re so minor compared to the bonus scene.

they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters

Coming from a writer’s perspective, it’s hard to let your favs go. Long after the other characters stop “speaking” to you, your favs come back. You still see them doing stuff. And PD is proud of the series, so of course they’re not going to bury it.

But yes, I agree that the fandom has been pretty loud about wanting some more willemmy content for some closure, and it shouldn’t be this hard to sit and think about the characters and deliver something, just to be kind to your readers and fans. I can’t say why PD is so resistant to it, but that’s for them to know.

i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

I had to look it up, and I’m assuming you’re speaking about the hollow boys? I haven’t read it, but if you do get around to it, I hope you enjoy it.

Regarding PD, I hardly ever look into the background of an author or give them a second thought. I also have never had the desire to contact an author, or do meet and greets or anything, that’s just me. So, I’ve never had the issue of needing to detach a work from an author, but I can see the struggle.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

I absolutely will share my thoughts, of course! I might do a reading react, or just a summary of my thoughts, whatever feels right. Again, I feel for your frustration and disappointment. The let down is never easy, but you'll read better books in the future. This isn't the last of it for you. So look forward to finding your next favorite read.

-KO

[actuallyidontgiveadamn]

Really out of nowhere but I rewatched some of fma03 eps and im gonna rant

I'm just so done with smiling politely saying that fma03 and fmab are both great sorry i cant anymore. Just no

So if you in love with fmab im warning you it probably won't be a good read for you, so feel free to ignore this, block me or idk read this and give it a thought

0. I really dont understand the glorification of manga over anime adaptations. Like people who are making the adaptation are not artists and creators themselves? What makes mangaka better than others and absolutely indisputable, seriously?

1. 'Oh no long introduction and fillers' that actually allowed for Hughes' character development before his death. Seriously if i mention his death among my homies I'll get lots of faces clearly going through some ptsd level flashbacks, it was that impactful. I still need to take a breather when im rewatching before diving into that ep.

2. Nina. Yet again got more time to grow on us and thus aquired higher trauma inducing levels.

3. Ishval massacre and aftermath are WAY MORE VISIBLE in fma03. First of all Ishvalans are depicted as human beings, and not some background, and we get lots more on their sufferings, raids on camps, racism towards them, etc etc etc

4. Scar. Oh boi how do i even go about this. So without raging much about that beefy obviously wrong dude who got 'sense' bitten into him and started working with the oppressing gov in fmab, we have a wronged and tormented survivor of a genocide, who was justified in his vengeance and rage, was depicted as an attractive person of color despite his antagonistic role and was seriously almost cheered on in his actions by the narrartive. His interactions with his people and his moral dilemmas made his character possibly the deepest and most thought out one in the series.

5. The Rockbell doctors being killed by their own government. That's a waaaaay more interesting and damning detail on our government affiliated protagonists than just dumping their murder on a delirious patient.

6. Homunculi had their own will and desires and a way more developed story arc that had a huge impact on protagonists' morals. Being created by the humans who were desperate to bring back their loved ones and both parties are getting tormented by it?? Characters strongly driven by their own goals and staggered by their relations to their creators vs some indifferent goons in fmab. Just compare Sloths and their impact on the stories and protags.

7. Final conflict being a fight with god and his intricate plans in fmab, versus final battle vs a selfish pretty much usual person who had thrown everyone under the bus in pursuit of immortality. Adds so much more desperation flavor. Suddenly your hero journey doesn't end in epic battle for the sake of the mankind, as you would like it to be. It's just to oppose one awful person with too much power and zero care about anyone else. That's raw and that's way more plausible and relatable in our mundane lives.

8. Overall darker tone and themes of the fma03.

9. MUSIC. I dont remember a single track from fmab, but i went really out of my way in my teenage years to find internet access and pirate fma soundtrack and cry listening to it

10. ART. Sorry but don't tell me fmabs flat colors are anything to 03's soft tones and lighting

So yeah sorry, but I'll take the dark and gritty tragedy over just another shounen with doubtful messages each and every time

[valence-gnome-bandit]

every god needs an imp chap. 3: abracadabra

notes: guess whos back! its me! my hiatus is lasting a lot longer but I had enough to put out two chapters. please enjoy sorry for taking so dreadfully long <3

summary: homelander realizes hes in for it.

Homelander had never been so offended and confused in all his years of dealing with other supes all by a goddamn magician. Heart beating hard in his chest He followed eccetrica to the bar sitting next to her not even moving his cape aside. determined not to be rejected at this point he didn’t care if she was even worth it, it was the principal alone that made his hands curl into fists. Eccentrica didn't speak simply looking ahead at her reflection in the mirror of the bar glowing eyes now fully extinguished as she took a sip of her drink. However her calm demeanor only served to piss homelander off more, He glared at her seconds away from lasering her debating on how hard it would be to cover up him just destroying the entire casino.

“Ya’ know it's kinda rude to be so disrespectful to someone like me right? I know you're not used to talking to anyone who has any actual weight in this world, I mean look around this is the thrill of most people's lives fucking slapping a button and getting drunk. I'm offering you a chance to get ahead and you're just going to throw it out on the notion that this is somehow better?” Homelander began to rant a bit only breaking to nervously laugh and shake his head as his fingertips dug into his palms. 

“I mean honestly who-” he started again but was immediately cut off.

“Will you please shut up?” Eccentrica stared at him sideways unblinking eyes staring straight at him once more, it felt like he was being judged by an owl. 

“I don’t give a single flying fuck who you are, you're really proving my point your a show dog who has nothing but over-dramatic barks. Like a husky, you're a husky all you do is complain.” she spoke completely seriously sipping her drink she still stared at him posture perfect, body completely still. This… this wasn't how she was supposed to be. In homelander’s mind, she was nothing more than a silly little magician a second-class citizen barely above the heathens she entertained, and yet she had just called him a dog. Now that was something he really didn't like…

Homelander reacted immediately, reaching over he rested his forearm on her shoulder his left hand locked around the spot right at the base of her neck that sensitive little sweet spot where he could feel her pulse pounding beneath his fingers. He could feel the veins move when he tightened his grip,  restricting blood flow, she immediately started to strain under his super strength, the reaction involuntary.

“I don't think I like you very much eccentrica, if I'm a dog that makes you absolutely nothing compared to me, tell me why I shouldn’t shove you into a box and toss you into the Atlantic to see if you can Harry Houdini your way out.” he waited for some kind of reaction from her but instead she took another sip of her soda uncaring of what he was doing focused on something else. She casually finished off the glass before finally turning back to him with a fake frown lips pouted out.

“Oh no, I'm so scared! Please don't hurt me Mr.Homelander I'll join your silly little team just don't break my poor brittle bones I'm just a pathetic little magician!” she put her other hand on her cheek eyes filling with tears as she wailed mockingly. “I-im ju- just so weak and sad!” her wailing immediately broke down into cackles.

Homelander didn't know how to even reply, he was about to snap her wrist when she calmed down. Reaching out she patted his shoulder giving one of his eagle decorations a pet before leaning in closer, “Abracadabra.” 

his mind barely processed the words before Eccentrica’s eyes lit up again with that purple glow that burned in his mind even when it dulled. As if the floor had dropped from beneath him plunging him into darkness, at first he thought she had somehow knocked him out before a single spotlight came on. Eccentrica had perched on a massive table legs swinging as she sat back observing him. various props for magic tricks were strewn about what he realized was a stage, the clever little magician had just made him disappear and reappear in an instant like a bunny in a hat. 

“I'm less of a bug and more of a stray cat thank you.” she casually commented as she disappeared only to appear behind him watching him curiously.

“That was impressive I suppose. What now are you going to saw me in half?” Homelander looked over his shoulder at Eccentrica who had her hands behind her back tapping her foot against the wood of the stage.

“Kinky, but no.” she puckered her lips smiling cheekily as she offered him one of her hands. Flipping it over a deck of cards appeared on the back of her hand, flipping her hand again she spread them out in a single flourish. “Go on, pick one.”

He sighed taking one from her, he flipped it over expecting to see a playing card but instead, it was a VIP ticket to her show that night. Looking at the back of the card again he realized she had swapped the cards in the instant that he flipped it over. 

“Very clever, anyways why would I come to your show?” his eyes flicked up to where Eccentrica had just been standing only to find her gone again.

“Because it's the last one.” her voice came from above him where she was laying on her stomach feet lazily kicking upwards as she watched him chin sitting in her hand. She sighed softly letting her arm drop off the catwalk, “I'm tired, tired of the lights and the alcohol and the drugs. You won't get that, you've been in the big leagues forever you didn’t have to beat the shit out of your teammates for ratings or get felt up by tv producers at sixteen. Besides it's so boring so boring you and all of your loser teammates.”

“What? What do you want me to say to that? Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go on TV as a kid get over it. I had to do worse to climb the ladder.” Homelander crossed his arms rolling his eyes. “Just take my offer-”

“I am. I'm leaving tomorrow I've already decided chill airbud.” she dropped down from the catwalk landing next to him teleporting at the last second to break her fall. He barely caught it but he saw a look cross her face, some somber shell-shocked hurt far too close to the ones he had seen in the mirror. He did understand to some extent but still, he suffered too. She was just so inconsistent, so goddamn startling. He couldn’t decide if he loved it or hated every bit of her.

“Just come to the show hell even bring your kid, Brian or whatever his name is.” she began to walk away hips swaying giving Homelander some highly inappropriate urges for the tone of the moment. As soon as she hit the shadow of the curtains she vanished leaving Homelander to his own devices.

thank you for reading <3