#i thought i gave a good presentation and she showed no signs that she disliked anything about it.

[hakugreenfinch]

when they said a masters thesis is more difficult than a ba thesis i didnt think they meant "nobody cares about your masters thesis"

[laurwriter]

Possessive

Author’s Note: Some of this is real, some of this is altered purely to protect both my own identity and the identity of those mentioned. Content warning for abusive themes and mentions.

My body is not my own. Ultimately, the possessive of ‘my’ implies it belongs to me and me alone, yet clearly it does not. If someone could hurt me the way I’ve been hurt, I am not my own. I belong to the world; I belong to others, who do as they bid; I belong to society. 

After all, people are the most unkind to the things they own. 

Mirrors are frightening creatures. The idea of one’s reflection judging; flaws on show, everything you dislike laughing in your face while the few bearable qualities shy away. Nothing good comes from judgement, of yourself or others, so inevitably the only result of a mirror is a spiral. But now when I look in the mirror, I see all flaws, and some scars: new, old, big, small. Invisible to everyone else, but clear as day to me. Fingerprints scattered all over me; nail marks clawed into my thighs, my stomach; bruises across my face. Here is where it gets personal. Here is the only instance in which my body is my body, for I’m the only one dealing with the consequences. 

It only took a couple of months for my therapist to decipher that I had grown up surrounded by cruel boys, cruel men, cruel men disguised as cruel boys. Her job is to be monotonous in expression, but even her eyes widened when I told her about my life as a thirteen-year-old girl: the abuse, the harm, the ignorance of those around me, the silent screams erupting from my oesophagus. It got worse when I was sixteen, with another boy who was equally as harsh on me. My first ‘adult’ relationship, I thought at the time. I felt so grown up, so ready for the adult world to sweep me away, yet what faced me was bruised legs, infantilisation, mistrust. He would look at me, describe me as “the type of girl that guys fuck, but never date”, yet promise to be my forever. When you’re young, you ignore the signs to pursue your fleeting fantasies, yet the older version of yourself is the one who deals with the aftermath.

It was at that point that I realised where I slotted in society: my destiny wasn’t to be craved, adored, to have someone hold my hand down the street, or buy me flowers. My destiny was to be used, to be thrown away once my worth had vanished. And if I was even the smallest bit as powerful as the women in the novels I read now, I would change my destiny, become the woman who deserved the flowers, the handholding, the adoration, to be craved. But in a world where power goes to those born with it, my ability to change my fate was never there. It had faded the moment I was born a woman in a world still run by men. 

I still had the word ‘teen’ in my age. 

When these boys came and went, I was still a teenager – scalded forever by life, forced to come to terms with everything as an adult. 

By the time I had finished mapping out the life I had lived, my therapist just started writing in her notebook. What she wrote, I’m not sure, but the only words to leave her mouth were, “I’m sorry for what you went through”. 

When I opened my front door, all I could do was slump to the floor. It was six in the evening, and for the next four hours my back was to the door. 

My therapist and I worked on improving my present to compensate for the past. She gave me advice, told me to be more assertive, put myself out there more. I decided that dating was too hard, too traumatising, so I opted to focus on myself, myself exclusively: I found myself embracing the company of cafes and bookstores, reading books about powerful women to make myself feel just a sliver equal to them. 

What infuriated me is that they always had someone to call ‘theirs’ by the end of the novel, a man who would sweep them off their feet, kiss them under the moonlight, worship them for the salvation they brought to the land. 

And yes, these men were tall, handsome, ultimately good people once the initially grey moral code was ‘solved’. But they weren’t real. 

Real men treated me like an object, a personal punching bag. Real men told me that I was unworthy of their affection, that I was lucky to have them, that I was rude, cruel, difficult to love, but still theirs. 

The woman in the mirror is still broken when I look at her, the scars white yet deep, the marks purple and green, like mould, on my face, my legs, my stomach. I try to push out the thoughts of how much weight I’ve gained, how my stomach is fatter, my thighs are bigger, thus making the marks even more prominent than they were when I first got them. 

I look at my body, and I’m ashamed that I’m still thinking about the fact that no man could love me. 

I wish I could look at myself and not think about other people, even just for a second.  

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, copied, distributed or adapted in any way, with the exception of certain activities permitted by applicable copyright laws, such as brief quotations in the context of a review or academic work. For permission to publish, distribute or otherwise reproduce this work, please contact the author.

[visd3stele]

i finished watching griselda on netflix and i have thoughts!!

first of all, the opening quote is still sending chills down my spine. i don't condone addiction or drug dealing at any costs, but imagine being told pablo fucking escobar fears you and only you. SICK!!

then it shows this woman – mind you i have no real life knowledge on griselda blanco – who is forced by her husband to sleep with his brother to clear a debt.

she is a mother first of all, a woman facing a men's world alone. her sons are first on her priorities and she would do anything to see them safe and fulfilled. this presentation gains sympathy from watchers and i think it's brilliant, especially for what's about to come.

her path isn't easy and i found myself rooting for her to succeed, even disliking carmen when she got mad about griselda's "bussiness". the emotional stake at the beggining worked a bit too well. plus, she was helping all these people, gaining a empire that she ruled with justice and compassion. she was a woman of the people and that's what drawn all of them to her.

another thing i love was the feeling of comunity that started to snap looser and looser by episode. simply amazing. she gave all this people a shared purpose, a feeling they belong that the watcher could be swiped right into. *chef's kiss*

the downfall was even more tragic like this.

the first time she hears her "title", even i get a smile on my face. the power, the recognition, all of it is tangible. intoxicating.

but then it starts getting to her head. and things spiral out of control. she gets addicted, her head's not clear anymore and her sons get mixed up in all this mess. her new husbad tries to be a voice of reason when he doesn't recognize her anymore, but fails miserably. and one by one griselda hurts and betrays all those she cares about, without meaning to.

that's how – that's why – she loses everything. as former criminals, like Dario, get redeemed, cured of that life, griselda sunks deeper. it's her own power that destroys her, such is the fate of all great empires.

and i absolutely love this rollercoaster of emotions packed in only 6 episodes. it's been a looooong while since i watched something good on netflix, but this? THIS is what i signed up for!!

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Spoilers

What an end. From the start to finish it felt like a fever dream. It was like being hugged but getting tighter until you feel suffocation then slowly eases off. That's what I felt like reading it haha. Despite everything, those moments with gyu and oc were cute. "I want to give you something more meaningful to cheer you up." He always has but seeing his end was in a way, her saving tyun. As much as it pained her she's glad someone innocent didn't get killed.

Even if she was still present her life would still feel like hell. People already disliked her and life would be harder. A part of me knew she would have to kill him but at the same time I thought she wouldn't be able too. Seeing the hate she kept getting, her position seen as just a whore, watching Kai'd state, the nightmares.. just became overwhelming feeling like hell already. And she was pregnant too :( I felt bad. That took huge guts to do, but then her also getting hit was such a gyu thing to do. I remember saying before he would also be selfish in death and he really was. He made sure they both had the same end.

With everything happening she still finds comfort only in gyu the only one who she thinks gets her well. I still felt hurt because as much as oc is an issue too, she didn't no any better. She always had gyu on her side since young, grew with him, loved him. He moulded her the way she is. Even if she was to realise its still to late the damage has already been done and its been done since her upbringing. That's all she knew her whole life to be loved like this. Sometimes I wonder how different her life would be if she first came across Tyun and wonder if he would ever show his love fully. Makes me think of the scene of him seeing her for the first time as kids, wonder if she kept seeing and playing with him, falling in love eventually in a healthy way. I know gyu wouldn't have allowed that but just thoughts. her life would be different if gyu never poisoned her mind in the first place.

The dream scene was so good. I liked how Tyun expressed himself through this atleast bc after all she ruined his life. He has a right to feel angry and upset. He's so hot when hed possessive so this scene really gave justice eventho in reality he's cold but whatever 😭 its still nice to see. The anger was too good and real mean. Loved the switch up near the end when his face changed completely looking bruised up and saying she killed him. That's the sight she would have for the rest of her life if it happened. I liked how the necklace he put on was yet another way of indicating she's a reason for this. Since he always said she left him for these flashy things, materials. Maybe a sign of his anger too. She couldn't have lived with guilt like this. It was slow but brutal for her to go through and do what was right.

As much as i hate gyu, I still felt bad when he got stabbed. He's insane for trying to comfort her despite that but then shocks everyone when he does the same back to her. Then again that's how he always was. No matter what, he showed his love to her which was always selfish. He was devoted for his means at all times even the end. When he said "I'd get it right in the next life" I thought damn give oc a break already 😂 she's too tired of this shit!

"I can't even win against his corpse?" I dont blame him to feel annoyed but at the same time oc did save him. She doesn't know how its like to exist without Gyu's love its all she knew. A part of me thought Tyun would say something but ofc he didn't. I felt bad for her bc she always just wanted to be loved:(  just goes to show how he would never say his feelings. Ofc she would go to Gyu because he's always shown her, something tyun could never do.

The scene where oc sings for him a lullaby for him to fall asleep, even til the end she stayed stuck with him coddled just like that, both sleeping together forever.

But damn. What a story. Phenomenal writer, storyline was so intriguing and I loved how you wrote each characters in their ways. You showed the toxicity perfectly, how selfish one could get. It was a huge battle but I can't believe its the end 💔 I honestly cried at the last parts because it was so emotional to read. Even tho this was their fate I still feel hurt 😔 I loved how you wrote it bc it still felt unexpected if you know what I mean? I know you said it felt cliche but I still very much loved it all through. You know how to keep readers hooked and anticipate every move. This is hands down the best story I've encountered and felt myself invested on. The smuts were always so amazing 👏 I love when she's mean with Gyu and takes charge through that. I'm happy for Tyun to be alive since he got dragged in to their mess. But its upsetting to see it all unfold. I felt very bad for oc, each chapter her character developed more and she felt helpless. I definitely will miss gyu and her little moments together even when its something little and sweet to them fucking. I can't believe this is finished:( I will miss reading them so much. Thank you for writing stories that can touch and make us feel every emotion because I definitely felt everything til the end 🥺💙 (sorry for the long message)

that's a perfect description for it especially from oc's pov as she gets progressively trapped by gyu. i'll die on this hill but i loved oc's and gyu's cute moments. and their sad moments. and their ugly moments. i just loved them 😭

honestly oc wouldn't have survived long after gyu's death. not just because she would've killed herself but because she would've needed to be executed for killing the literal king in front of everyone. they would've just kept her alive long enough to deliver her baby before executing her and she would've lived in agony all that time, having lost gyu and then having her child ripped away from her as she gets carried to her death

and yes you were spot on. gyu would never have let oc go ever again. he controlled her so completely that even as he killed her, she only sought comfort from him.

honestly even if gyu didn't interfere, tyun wouldn't have been able to befriend oc as his father would have prevented it. but it's nice to imagine little oc helping little tyun out of his shell. if he could have had that one true friend, maybe he wouldn't have grown to be so cold

glad you like the switch up. i was afraid people would be too grossed out by it. but yeah the dream/nightmare, the necklace, seeing tyun irl looking almost dead... it all pushed her to do what she did. besides ofc she's always had doubts about the situation which gyu kept pushing down but seeing tyun like that just made it all explode the way a piece of foam would shoot up out of the water all the more forcefully the harder you try to push it down. am i making any sense?

lol yeah gyu knew in that moment that he was going to die so he had to think quick. there would be no use yelling at her. he had one goal in his life and that is to always have her by his side and damn it he was not going to let something as pesky as death stop him.

tyun and oc are both set in their ways and i know most of you like to think that he would've changed for her but i'm not so sure about that. yes he changed a little bit but that was just initially. how many relationships have you heard of where people change for a small period of time before reverting back to their old ways? that last action from both of them was a nod to that.

i wish miss them all too. i have loved this story and its characters for almost a year now and it's definitely hard to let go but i'm just so happy to have met all of you through this and so lucky that you all were as invested as i was in the fic.

never apologise for a long message. it's my favorite kind of message. thank you so so much and i love you ❤️

[darling-i-read-it]

Media Couple

Homelander x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: talks of murder

Author’s Note: Hi babe I hope you like this! I love this troupe and have never written it before lol so this was fun!

Requested: by anon, Hello again! I hope all is well :) I have an idea for a Homelander x fem!reader fic. There’s this trope of “5 times they kiss and it didn’t mean anything and 1 time it did” that I think would be fun to see. Reader could be a supe and maybe she and Homelander have been paired together by Vought. So the first times they kiss, it’s for publicity or show. But the last time they realize the both have true feelings for each other and tell each other? Could be hcs too if you’d rather. And if you don’t want to write it, that’s cool too!

Summary: the request

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

It made sense for you and Homelander to be together. He was Homelander, the biggest superhero in the world. You were his ‘sidekick’ for lack of a better word, always going together on missions and often being caught by the media outside of work.

At first Vought thought maybe Maeve and Homelander should get together for the media. That made sense too, since they often were packaged together by the tabloids.

But it was pretty obvious who America's favorites were.

Even with all of this in mind, when they presented the idea to you, you recoiled in your seat, a pit in your stomach.

“What does this entail?” you questioned. Ashley Barrett let out a gentle sigh and pushed the papers towards you, a pen beside it. You were not going to sign that until she gave you some clarification.

“It means that in the media's eyes, you will be a couple. For a couple months at least you will go out on dates, be seen together at events, do the things a couple would.”

“Have you spoken to him about this?” “Yes.” “What did he say?” “He signed the papers already. Homelander choses to endorse whatever they think would be best for Vought and the Sevens publicity,” she explained. “Eventually we imagine there will be a public break up. Remember, any publicity is good publicity.”

“How much PDA is required?” “Kissing. Hand holding, hugging. Nothing more scandalous than that.” You swallowed hard. It wasn’t that you disliked Homelander. In fact, you got along well with him which is something most of the Seven couldn’t say. That was probably why they had chosen this for you. It made him seem more human and it gave you a step up, power wise. If you did this you could have some leverage in the future.

You took a deep breath and picked up the pen, signing it.

“When’s my first date?”

==

Homelander was especially quiet this afternoon which surprised you. You were a tad nervous as well but you figured he would be boisterous about the fact that you got to kiss him. You were to make your first media appearance.

You were going to be on a building making out and a plant was going to call the paparazzi. It was simple and easy compared to the other things the two of you had done in your line of work.

“If you get too excited are you gonna laser my eyes?” you asked, nudging him. It was chilly up on the roof tonight. He chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’m far too controlled for that.”

“Are you not cold?” You leaned against the short wall, balancing yourself so you didn’t fall.

“No. Be careful. Can’t kill yourself on our first ‘date’.” You smiled and nodded. He didn’t seem as annoyed as you thought he would be. You looked back towards the ground. There were cars rushing to the bottom of the building. That was your cue. You pointed to the bottom descrituley.

“That’s our cue.”

You stood straight and he took a couple of steps forward, the cape floating behind him. You put your hands on his cheeks and kissed him. You tried to remind yourself this was just for show. Eventually you would pretend you noticed the paps and he would fly the two of you out of there.

You didn’t imagine he would be so good at this though. How many girls had he kissed? You had never seen Homelander with a girl before.

It was just for the cameras. It was just for the cameras.

His hand sneaked around your waist and he dipped you over the edge of the building. You tried not to let the panic build up in your chest that he would drop you and just as quickly as you started to kiss you stopped. You looked down to the ground and scrambled away, as though you had just noticed teh cameras.

“We should go,” he said offhandedly.

“Yeah. Lets.” ===

You and Homelander had been ‘going out’ for about a couple weeks now. You had done interviews, gotten pictures taken, professed your love for each other countless times in front of the cameras. It wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. You got to hang around more. It had been a long time since you were paid to just hang around and do interviews. Though they were constant, you were slightly happy not to have kill anyone.

“You have one more interview tonight on Late Night,” Ashley said quickly, flipping through some pages. “They wanna ask you about the new movie and the relationship.”

“They all wanna ask us about the new movie and the relationship.” “Well you get to make up some more things. I noticed you made up an entire date when you were on Kelly Clarkson,” Ashley commented bitterly.

“It keeps us entertained,” Homelander pointed out.

“We’ll be on time for Late Night,” you said. She nodded slowly, looking between the two of you. She let out a soft sigh and then left the room, leaving the two of you alone. You let out a long sigh, sitting down on the couch.

The two of you were at Vought headquarters, in the Homelanders dressing room. You closed your eyes.

“You think we’re gonna get to breathe here within the next week?” Homelander chuckled. He looked better than you. Still pristine and perfect, even behind doors. He sat down and ran his hand through his hair.

“Doubt it.”

“Wonderful,” you muttered. You put your head on your hand and closed your eyes for a moment. “You’re not tired?”

“I’m the Homelander.” You nodded once.

“Yeah. I know.” You stared at him for a moment and rubbed your eyes. He had been your only solace within the hustle and bustle of the interviews. You never thought you would look at Homelander like you had been lately. It was probably just because you had his tongue down your throat every two seconds.

He cleared his throat and stood up. He unclipped his cape and draped it over you. You looked up at him, a tired smile on your face.

“Thanks.” He nodded once and you nuzzled your face into the couch. “You sure you don’t wanna get some sleep? Just before Late Night? Come on.” You grabbed his hand. He looked down at you, contemplating for a moment.

“Alright. Just a few minutes.” You clapped your hands softly and moved aside. He sat down on the couch and then laid behind you. You turned around so you were facing each other. It was a tight fit but you made it work. You hooked your leg around his to stay steady and met his eyes. You nuzzled into the pillow and closed your eyes, smiling.

“Stop staring at me,” you whispered, feeling his gaze on you. You opened your eyes again and realized just how close his face was. Without saying anything else, he kissed you. A kiss made out of genuine attraction, for the first time in either of your relationships.

“You’re a good kisser when you care.”

“As opposed to when I don’t?”

“You’re mediocre then.” You laughed, shaking your head.

“Goodnight Homelander.” He wrapped his arms around you tighter, holding you to him so you didn’t fall off the couch.

“Goodnight,” he whispered.

==

Ashley came back in an hour, ready to hype on the both of you for not being ready at the car for Late Night. She rushed forward through the door and stopped abruptly when she saw the two of you sound asleep. You were asleep on Homelander’s chest. She couldn’t even see his face, it was nuzzled into your hair.

How was she gonna wake you up now?

The Boys Tag List: @demonchick1, @witchygagirl, @lov3vivian, @lovatnest

[thornedrose44]

Prompt: “I can’t do this. Just leave me alone.”

Read on AO3

"Goodnight, Kara." Lena said from across the room when she finally managed to catch Kara's eye.

It was the first time they had made eye contact since Kara had welcomed her inside at the start of the night. Kara startled at the sudden sight of Lena, waving farewell as she stepped quietly towards the door, but made no move to follow after her and when the door swung quietly shut behind her Lena knew things would never be the same.

It was Kara's birthday party (her Earth birthday party to those that happened to be in the know, which to Lena's un-surprise was a rather considerable group all things considered). Kara had invited her, further proof of the strength of their newly reaffirmed friendship. Lena had been grateful for the invite, appreciating it as the sign that they were back on the right track, and accepted it without hesitation.

She had then proceeded to spend hours upon hours thinking of the perfect gift for Kara, excitement and anticipation building in her stomach.

It would be her first proper night out in months after being thrown back into her role as CEO and dealing with all the negative press following Lex’s downfall and upcoming conviction. Her working hours had reached an excess that she had never achieved before. The blowback onto her in the form of hatred for the Luthors was even greater than last time as well, despite her crucial role in taking Lex down. She was still deemed guilty by association especially since she had been working closely with Lex for a long time before revelations about his villainy became apparent.

The news were critiquing her every move, slandering her every chance they got and rallying the masses to a fervour - she was now facing at least one assassination attempt every week.

Regardless of all that, Lena had one salvation, one light of hope that she clung onto. Her friendship with Kara. It was growing again. They were spending time together. Relearning one another or learning about each for the first time in Lena's case. The conversation was finally less stilted and the trust was back.

But there was still something missing, something stopping them from returning to exactly where they were before.

Lena, as the months ticked by, realised that they were no longer as physically close as they once were. Hugs were rare. Gentle touches of the hands were swiftly snatched back to prevent lingering. Even extended eye contact was fleeting.

Lena at first thought the problem was that she had hurt Kara so badly that the woman who sometimes communicated solely through physical affection no longer wanted to be touched by Lena. That broke something in Lena. That Kara, even though she was trying to be kind, friendly and forgiving to Lena, was not comfortable with any sort of physical contact between them, drove Lena into a drunken stupor of college-level proportions.

Once the alcohol was out of her system and she had suitably recovered from her hangover, Lena had allowed the scientist within her to take over.

No more assumptions.

She would gather evidence, make an hypothesis and work towards a solution.

If she wanted Kara back in her life properly - cuddles on the sofa and lengthy hugs a necessity of that - Lena would put the effort in.

So she observed… and what she observed was this…

Pink cheeks and bashful expressions whenever their gazes met.

A thick swallow and faltering breath whenever their hands brushed.

Deep sighs and fingers digging fleetingly into her back as if on the edge of pulling her closer whenever they embraced.

Dark eyes and teeth biting into a bottom lip whenever Lena stretched or moved her hair away from her neck.

Attraction, affection and interest .

Lena didn’t believe the results of her evidence; she re-ran the tests over and over again trying to work out if she had just interacted with Kara on an odd day, if she just happened to be thinking about something (someone) else at the same time but… it kept happening over and over again.

If it had been anyone else, Lena wouldn’t have doubted what she was seeing but… but.. This was Kara.

Kara, who she had been in love with since she had walked into her office with her cousin.

Kara, who had never picked up on or reacted to her flirts.

Kara, who had broken her heart with lies.

Kara, who meant so much to her.

Kara, who she had only just gotten back.

Was it worth the risk?

Fear had blinded her, of that she had no doubt, but was it keeping her safe from the hurtful truth of Kara not wanting to touch her anymore or from the potential happiness that Kara returned her feelings but was too sweet or shy to put herself in a position that would make Lena uncomfortable.

Lena decided to take a chance - just this once because even if she was wrong about Kara not feeling the same, she had to believe that Kara was incapable of being cruel to her if she misread it. They promised each other honesty and Lena intended to show it.

It was why she needed to buy the perfect present, something that hinted that Kara’s feelings (if Lena was right) were returned. And just a week before the party, she knew exactly what the perfect present would be.

She wrapped it personally (normally Jess would wrap any gifts she had to send out), wanting to go the extra mile. It wasn’t perfectly done, a bit messy in places and the sellotape was excessive but she had done it herself which she knew Kara would appreciate more than professional gift wrapping.

Lena, however, realised that she had made a mistake the second she arrived at Kara's.

Knew she had misread… everything …

Because Kara… Kara couldn't stand to be near her for longer than it took to say hello, accept the present and then disappear off.

Lena hadn’t expected to be with Kara for all of the party; it was Kara's party and loads of her friends were in attendance, all of whom wanted to spend it with Kara. Who wouldn't?

It's just… Lena…

Lena didn't have anyone else.

It was made abundantly clear to Lena within the first thirty seconds that she was not welcome. Alex gave her a gruff nod from across the room before turning her back to her - she still didn't trust her and Lena had prioritised winning Kara back over the last few months above everything else. Brainy and Nia smiled at her but they were deep in conversation with CatCo employees all of whom were practically snarling at Lena (clearly not Luthor fans). James was here as well and dear God did he give her such a blazing look of hatred Lena was surprised she didn't burst into flames under its ferocity. (They hadn’t dated in this rewritten universe, much to Lena’s pleasure, though his original dislike for her was clearly a mainstay of every universe).

So… Lena grabbed a drink and stood in the corner as Kara moved seamlessly between her various groups of friends and colleagues, never once sparing Lena even a glance. The majority of her movements were accompanied by William Dey, who repeatedly tried to sling an arm around Kara's shoulder - the only joy Lena got from the evening was watching Kara repeatedly squirm out from under his touch.

She held out for two hours, sipping three beers and glancing intermittently at her phone as she stayed in her corner, hoping that Kara would come over for just five minutes.

Five minutes with Kara wasn't too much to ask for, was it?

Five mere minutes with Kara would have made the whole night worth it, made the glares and malevolent whispers sent her way worth it.

It was at the two hour mark that Lena accepted the truth.

Kara wasn't going to come over to talk to her.

Kara hadn't been pulling away from her due to a sudden realisation of feelings and attraction.

Kara hadn't expected her to accept the invite. Hadn't wanted her to accept.

Kara was ashamed of her, that was why she pulled away, why she didn't acknowledge her.

Lena couldn't really blame her but that didn't mean she had to stay and take it. So gathering what was left of her dignity, she shuffled towards the door, caught Kara's eye, waved and slipped outside… though, not before retrieving the present she had brought for Kara… it would have revealed far too much and Lena didn't need to deal with that on top of everything else.

Lena returned to her office for no other reason that she still had some good liquor stored there - Kara had encouraged her a couple of months ago to cut back on her drinking and she couldn’t deny the baby blue puppy dog eyes. She staggered into her office, chucking the present she had spent hours creating onto the sofa - she would buy Kara some random meaningless gift like a nice scarf or jumper tomorrow instead - and poured herself a full tumbler before flipping open her laptop and getting to work. She lost herself in designs and business plans as she made her way through the bottle.

She used to sit and brood when she drank but Sam had made her promise she wouldn’t do that anymore, hazel eyes filled with concern at where Lena’s mind wandered when unoccupied and fuelled by alcohol. Whilst Lena was in a pretty bleak space, she refused to hurt her last (and only) friend by breaking the one promise she had made to her.

It must have been two am when Lena heard a familiar thud from the balcony followed by a gentle knock that could only belong to one person.

“Kara, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Lena called out, not bothering to lift her gaze away from her laptop screen - she wasn't sure whether the sight of Kara would evoke tears or fury and she wished to give Kara neither.

“Hey… I just wanted… I was…" Kara stammered out; Lena didn't need to see her to know that she was fidgeting with the edge of her cape as she tiptoed nervously closer. "You know… flying around and saw the light on and figured I would check in on you, see how you were doing…”

“I’m fine. Just working.” Lena replied brusquely taking a sip of her whiskey.

“And drinking…” Kara muttered, her tone more worried than disapproving but Lena took offense regardless.

“Yes. It’s a Saturday night, cut me some slack.” Lena snapped back, defiantly swallowing what was left in her glass before slamming it down onto her desk.

The loud clack as it connected with the surface was followed by a heavy, almost suffocating silence.

“You left early.” Kara whispered into the unnatural stillness, shattering the fraudulent focus Lena had on her computer screen with those three words. Kara didn't sound confused or upset, just painfully neutral as if to emotionally step back from the situation so that she could garner some emotional truth from the CEO instead.

Well, Lena was done with that, done with giving more of herself than Kara wanted so she took a deep, calming breath and allowed her painstakingly crafted mask to slip into place.

“I wasn’t the first to leave.” Lena pointed out calmly, finally turning to look at Kara, certain she could keep her voice and face blank. It was then that she saw how… small Kara looked, which was never a word Lena would have used to describe Kara in full Supergirl regalia in the entire time she had known her. Kara looked defeated and lost, a tremble to her lip and very being that she tried to hide behind a shy smile.

“Well… I didn’t get a chance to talk to you…” Kara replied, ducking her head meekly as she admitted. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Lena pursed her lips at that, “I was there for over two hours, Kara. You could have come over whenever you wanted. It wasn’t like I was occupied.”

“Yeah… what was that about?” Kara laughed, rubbing the back of her neck, trying far too hard to make her tone light as if even the idea of Lena being without company was an entirely absurd concept.

The high-pitch to Kara's laugh and the unfamiliar tension around her eyes revealed to Lena that Kara knew exactly why Lena had been standing all alone that evening.

“I’m a Luthor, Kara." Lena replied sharply, not interested in trying to smooth over the harsh truths like Kara was always so keen to do when it suited her. "No one wanted me there and they all made that very clear.”

“I wanted you there.” Kara replied so soft and earnest that Lena nearly believed her.

“I highly doubt that.” Lena scoffed derisively.

“I did.” Kara insisted, eyes desperate and pleading.

Lena merely shook her head, turning back to face her computer, “If you say so…”

“Lena, I-”

“Kara… I can’t…” Lena muttered, her voice cracking in the exact way she didn’t want it to. “I can’t do this. Just leave me alone.” Lena requested, hating how it verged on begging.

“What?” Kara murmured in shock.

“I can’t just… pretend that I’m not hurt or upset.” Lena confessed, fingers curling into fists on her desk, eyes slamming shut to lock in the tears. “I just need… time to get over it and accept what we are. So until then… please just leave me alone.”

“I hurt you.” Kara repeated, her voice broken and raw .

“Kara, I didn’t…” Lena shook her head angrily, she didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to inflict herself on Kara who had tried so hard to be her friend. “It's your birthday, Kara.” Lena sighed sadly, “You get to spend it anyway you like with whomever you like.”

“I wanted to spend it with you.” Kara breathed, and Lena could hear the sharp inhales between each word that revealed that Kara was crying.

“Kara, you don’t need to…” Lena assured, with a wave of her hand, eyes focused on her lap, “let’s just leave it, okay?”

“No…” Kara gasped, and suddenly Lena felt a trembling hand connect with her own tightly curled fists, “wait… what did you mean ‘get over it’ and ‘accept what we are’?”

Lena sucked in a sharp breath at the question, biting down harshly on her bottom lip.

“Lena?” Kara pressed.

“Fuck it, fine.” Lena snapped, yanking her hands away from Kara’s infinitely soft touch and shoving herself out of her chair before storming away from Kara, desperate for space. “I thought you liked me.”

“I do-” Kara began, taking a tentative step after her.

“No, Kara.” Lena yelled, spinning back to face Kara, with a twisted snarl of total self-loathing. “Liked me.” Lena stressed, before throwing her hands up into the air as it all just boiled out of her, “God, I sound like a teenager. I thought you liked me. I thought you were touching me less because you were attracted to me. But then… I go to your party and you don’t… it was like you were ashamed of me, I sat in that fucking corner for two hours as everyone wished - out loud, I should say - that I would go. I sat in that fucking corner in the hope that you would speak to me for five minutes. For just five minutes. Because that… that would have made it all worth it. But you could barely look at me. And I realised you didn’t - don’t - like me… you’re ashamed of me, but you’re too kind to abandon me. Too noble and generous but even you have your limits. Of course, you didn’t want to spend your birthday talking to me. Of course you didn’t.”

Lena wanted to punch a wall, wanted to down the rest of her whiskey, wanted to do literally anything than be here in this moment watching the horror-struck expression on Kara’s face grow and grow with every word, watch Kara’s body tremble and shake with each harsh sweeping gesture.

“Lena, no… you…” Kara sobbed, striding towards her with fingers twitching at her sides, “you have got the complete wrong end of the stick. Actually, you’re right but also really wrong. And…” Kara swiped aggressively at the tears rolling down her cheeks as she approached Lena, stopping when the raven-haired woman flinched at their sudden closeness. “I screwed up but-”

“No. You don’t need to do this.” Lena cut in, holding a hand up to stop Kara, wanting Kara to know that her guilt was unnecessary and that she could finally be free of Lena.

“Lena, I’m so-”

“You don’t need to apologise.” Lena insisted, taking a deep breath to rein back in her swirl of her emotions. She could do this. She could let Kara go. “You were trying to be kind but you shouldn’t… god, if I make you that miserable, that uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to force yourself to interact with me.”

“LENA!” Kara bellowed, stamping her foot to the ground and lifting her chin to reveal a determined expression.

Lena blinked in shock at the sudden volume and intensity; falling obediently quiet.

Kara placed her hands on her hips, took a deep breath, looked Lena straight in the eye with earnest, beseeching blue and declared, “I want to kiss you right now because that would be the big sweeping action that would prove to you that I mean what I’m about to say next but… you’ve been drinking… heavily from the looks of things.” Kara shot a displeased pout at the nearly empty bottle of whiskey as if it was all the bottle’s fault for Lena’s current state of inebriation and not the youngest Luthor’s unhealthy coping mechanisms. Kara turned back to face a stunned Lena, with a fond smile, “And I really want our first kiss to be one you remember and one you can fully consent to. So, you’re just going to have to believe me… please, please believe me when I say… I’m in love with you and I fucked up massively tonight. Really, really fucked up.”

“You never swear.” Lena murmured quietly, and it probably wasn’t what she should have been focusing on but her brain was currently stuck like a record scratch unable to fully comprehend what Kara had just told her; and the swear was just the cherry on top of an entire sundae of confusing and out-of-the-blue revelations.

“Which shows how much I believe that I fucked up.” Kara replied with a helpless shrug.

“But-”

“You were the only person I wanted to spend my birthday with.” Kara confessed, “Well, Alex at some point as well. But you mostly. Alex planned the party and I couldn’t…” Kara huffed out a frustrated breath and rolled her eyes, “she did this whole thing and I didn’t want to turn around and say I didn’t want it. That all I really wanted was a quiet night watching films with you because…” Kara sighed, “because then she’d know… To make it more bearable I invited you but there were so many other people, and I will be honest… I don’t even like half of them. Alex, just invited everyone I was friends on facebook with which is not a good barometer of friendship.”

Lena cleared her throat, none of it making sense, “Then why-”

“Did I ignore you?” Kara guessed with a painful wince.

“Yeah…” Lena muttered, wrapping her arms protectively around herself.

“Because… because I knew, or at least I thought I knew, that you hadn’t noticed how I felt about you.” Kara explained inching just that little bit closer towards Lena, attempting to bring them within touching distance of one another. “And I knew it was only a miracle that you hadn’t until now because…” Kara smiled a lopsided, rueful and self-deprecating smile, “Lena, I am not subtle. Not at all. And I knew… I knew if I interacted with you at the party… everyone else would be able to tell in an instant how I felt.”

Lena exhaled slow and deep, arms tightening their hold around herself, “And you didn’t want them knowing you liked me?”

“Love. Not like.” Kara corrected, patient yet firm, “Love. And no, I didn’t.”

Lena nodded once in understanding, letting out a hollow laugh, “I get it. I wouldn’t want anyone to know I loved me either.”

“Lena… no… no… you…” Kara rushed to explain, finally stepping close enough to reach out and place her hands gently on Lena’s curled biceps. Lena couldn’t help how she instinctively shifted closer, wanting to increase contact with Kara after being denied it for so long. “I didn’t want anyone knowing before you.” Kara admitted.

And that… that snapped something back into place for Lena.

Made the doubts screaming inside her head quieten down just enough to think… maybe…

Because… it was being last that had broken them the first time. Being the only one not to know and now…

“I didn’t want Stacy, who used to cheat off me in exams in college to know how I felt about you before you did.” Kara said, thumbs moving back and forth against the bare skin of Lena’s arms causing a swathe of goosebumps to rise like a wave in the wake of Kara’s every touch. “They didn’t deserve that. They didn’t deserve…” Kara’s jaw clenched, eyes darkening as she studied Lena’s face, “I was trying to protect you from them. They said horrible things about you and you should know, the minute after you left, I kicked everyone who so much as looked at you funny out. It was just me, Nia, Brainy and Kelly left… Alex, as well, but we had a rather heated argument before she was allowed to stay.” Kara bowed her head in shame, “I should have kicked them all out immediately but-”

“Then they would have known.” Lena finished for her.

“I had this whole thing planned.” Kara breathed out, her hands gradually shifting away from Lena’s arms around to her back, surrounding Lena in a loose hold, Kara’s eyes flickering over Lena’s face and body rapidly searching for even the slightest sign that Lena was uncomfortable with their contact. “Once everyone left, I had set-up the roof with lights and cushions and… I was going to tell you how I felt. I just had to make it through the birthday party from hell and I was trying so hard to keep to the plan. To not spoil it. To keep it a secret so that it could just be ours but... I…” Kara’s eyes slid shut and she inhaled a shuddering breath filled with pain. “I hurt you. And there is nothing I can say to make you forgive me, but I do… I do love you so much. And I will never, ever be ashamed of you.” Kara blinked her eyes back open and leaned forward to place a kiss on Lena’s forehead. “I just wanted it to be ours and not theirs. I didn’t want to share. You’re the only thing in my life that… I didn’t want to share.”

“Open your present.” Lena demanded, stepping out of Kara’s loving embrace.

“Lena-” Kara whimpered, pained at the sudden loss of closeness.

“Open your present, Kara.” Lena repeated, jerking her chin towards the sofa where the roughly wrapped present lay.

“I… okay…” Kara replied, watching Lena closely as she tried to make sense of Lena’s clear request. Kara walked cautiously over to the couch, picking up the gift with gentle hands. “Did you wrap it yourself?” Kara asked, her entire expression brightening as she stared down at the crooked, over sellotaped wrapping.

Lena harrumphed at the question, pursing her lips.

“You did, didn’t you?” Kara teased.

“The present isn’t the piss poor wrapping.” Lena replied with an exaggerated roll of her eyes that had the corners of Kara’s lips quirking even further upwards.

“Lena Luthor wrapped my present herself…", Kara whistled in awe, blue eyes twinkling with true delight for the first time that day, "what better gift is there?”

“Open it and you might find one.” Lena said, heart leaping into her throat as Kara’s deft fingers found a line of wrapping paper she could tuck them under.

The sound of paper ripping was deafening in the stillness; all Lena could do was watch and wait.

The paper fell away leaving behind a small black box, Kara shot Lena a hesitant look and it wasn’t until Lena nodded for her to continue that Kara clicked it open.

There was a pause.

A heavy, endless pause in which Lena couldn’t bring herself to even breathe.

“What is-” Kara began before cutting off immediately as she lifted up the beautiful bracelet made of nth metal and inscribed with ‘stronger together’ in Lena’s own cursive handwriting in both english and kryptonian.

The bracelet shined under the lights in Lena’s office, but in Lena’s opinion, Kara’s eyes shined impossibly brighter.  

“You’re in love with me.” Kara whispered, seeing the present for everything Lena had hoped it would convey.

“Yes.” Lena confirmed because there was no hiding it now.

With trembling fingers Kara clasped the bracelet onto her wrist, long fingers tracing the words delicately inscribed with no small amount of wonder. Finally, she turned around and stared at Lena with so much sheer love that the youngest Luthor felt overwhelmed and like her heart might burst right out of her chest in its desire to be in Kara’s possession

Clearing her throat and clasping her hands behind her back, Lena gathered her courage and asked, “If I promise you I’ll remember it and that I am fully consenting… will you kiss me now?”

Kara was in front of her in the literal blink of the eye, hands reaching out to cup Lena’s cheeks as Lena’s hands moved to rest on Kara’s hips gently encouraging their bodies closer with a light tug.

“There is nothing I want more.” Kara assured with the widest grin that Lena had ever seen and couldn’t help but return.

Their first kiss could barely count as a kiss.

Their smiles were too wide to allow for it, but Lena wouldn’t change it even slightly. They pressed their smiles against one another, teeth knocking together and noses brushing.

It may not have been a successful kiss but it was tender and filled with so much joy that Lena wouldn’t describe it as anything less than perfect.  

Their second kiss was an actual kiss, lips slotting together, tongues seeking each other out and teeth tugging whimpers and moans from one another in an endless cycle.

Their second kiss turned into a third, a fourth, a fifth.

They kissed until the sun rose.

Kissed until their lips ached and any remaining doubts Lena may have had were pushed back into the shadows by the light of Kara’s smile and blue eyes.

[thekisforkeats]

Love Languages

Info: The Magnus Archives, JonMartin, rated T probably for swears. Canon-Compliant. Set post-MAG 22, with a coda post-MAG 159. Everyone is ND and everyone is trans because that’s just how my personal S1 Archives gang rolls.

CWs: Mentions of ableism and Martin’s mother. I’d say canon-typical worms but the worms don’t really come up except in passing.

I do not know anything about BSL, so I did not try to describe the signs.

Summary: A love language is not just about how you best show love and affection; it is also about the ways you best receive love and affection. And so, for someone like Martin, who shows love by going out of his way to help others, someone going out of their way to help him, well. What better way for him to realize just how loved he is?

--------------------------------------------

The first time Martin went completely non-verbal after starting work in the Archives, it was the morning after giving Jon the statement about Jane Prentiss.

It wasn’t a surprising development, really. Martin didn’t go fully non-verbal that often, but when he did it was almost always a thing that started in the morning and lasted most of the day. Sometimes it wore off by the time he went to bed, sometimes it lasted until the next morning.

After his mother’s diagnosis, he’d been unable to speak for an entire week. That hadn’t gone over well--as much as his mother wanted him to be quiet, she didn’t like the “silent treatment,” as she called it.

Martin hated that she’d called it that, as though his non-verbal episodes were anything he did on purpose. Some days talking just felt like a chore; those days he could get by only forcing words out when he had to. But some days, the worst days, he just couldn’t talk. He could understand other people just fine, he could make noises, sometimes he could even hum. And he could definitely read and write. But speaking words, aloud? No. He could not speak, on these days, however much he may have wanted to.

As Martin grew older and learned more about himself, he learned words and reasons and coping mechanisms. He realized that some of the problem came from dysphoria and the longer he was on hormones the less often it happened. He realized that he was autistic (even if he never got diagnosed), and learned how to handle the episodes that still occurred. He took sign languages classes because it was a good and useful thing to know regardless, to be able to communicate with more people.

As many Deaf people had learned before Martin, he’d found himself in plenty of situations when nobody around him knew BSL, so he’d found a phone app that let him type out things he wanted to say and repeated them in a tinny, mechanical voice. Feminine, but he found it didn’t cause dysphoria; it wasn’t his voice. It was the app speaking for him, a robot lady translating his words.

Martin was fairly certain he was going to need the robot lady to speak for him today, and he was dreading the whole idea. The app got him a range of reactions from scorn to derision to faux sympathy. The last time he’d done so at work, the Institute library staff had regarded him with such pity that he’d called in sick the two other times it had happened since.

He’d woken early, because he was always awake fairly early, to ensure he looked presentable and got to work on time. He did not want Jonathan “Crisply Professional At All Times” Sims giving him that look again. The particular look that was “I highly disapprove of your sartorial choices but I’m not going to get into it right now because I have so very much else to do. Nonetheless, if I could fire you for what you’re wearing I would.”

Jon had a lot of looks. Martin fervently wished he could stop categorizing them; he very much disliked his boss, and very much wanted to stop thinking about Jon quite as much as he did.

Jon was attractive, that much Martin had noticed the first day he’d come in, with a jawline Martin would’ve loved to trace with his fingers, eyes sharp and deep and intelligent, salt-and-pepper hair that Martin would have tangled his fingers in gladly.

Except, of course, that Jon was also a prick who didn’t like Martin one bit and made that very clear. He’d put down on record that he thought Martin would “contribute nothing but delays.” Martin was not such a sucker for punishment that he would put up with someone who hated him just for a pretty face. The tiny potential blossom of a crush had been, well, crushed five seconds after it had poked its head above ground, by Jon’s declaration that he could dismiss Martin if he didn’t resolve the “dog situation” immediately.

Martin counted his lucky stars every day that Jon had not, in fact, dismissed him, despite having had to deal with a doggy mess. The luck was really in having Tim around, Martin figured; Jon actually seemed fond of Tim, and the other man had managed to smooth the entire situation over.

Martin had fallen asleep last night thinking about the new look Jon had given him yesterday: concerned. Truly, genuinely concerned, which had rather taken Martin aback. He’d been certain Jon wouldn’t believe him, would scoff and roll his eyes at the entire statement, and instead he’d just looked… concerned. 

And then Jon had offered Martin the cot that he’d woken up in this morning.

It wasn’t the look of concern that had Martin non-verbal, though; of that he was certain. It was the stress of the last two weeks, and dumping out the statement yesterday, and all the whirl of figuring out how to live in the Archives. Jon’s insistence on going with him to pick up basics with a toothbrush at the convenience store, and then coming back to be sure he was okay. Jon finding clean sheets and discussing how he’d do his laundry. Jon had expensed clothing bought online to the Institute, including next-day shipping, because he’d “lost access to his flat and thus his wardrobe in the line of duty.” It had all been bewildering and overwhelming and it was no real surprise that Martin was in the state he found himself when he woke.

Martin had known as soon as he’d opened his eyes. It was just there, the feeling of nope can’t talk today. He’d pulled on his binder and the same clothing he’d worn the day before and then fumbled around for his phone. Which… he didn’t have. The damn worm-hive-lady had stolen it from him. Well, shit.

He managed to avoid having to figure out how to talk while he went out to get breakfast, just pointing at a scone in the display and smiling at the guy behind the counter as if he wasn’t secretly irritated by the price of everything in Chelsea. By the time Martin got back, Jon was already in his office, so thank God he’d avoided that awkward interaction. He went to make himself tea, and had his breakfast in the breakroom, and brushed his teeth, and then went to get started on…

Wait. He didn’t even know what they were working on right now.

Well, he wasn’t going to bother Jon about it; however nice he’d been last night it surely must have worn off by now, and Martin had no interest in summoning one of his boss’ looks this early in the morning. Normally he’d still be on his commute at this hour.

After a moment’s thought, he went to go see what they’d recorded in his absence, and soon had a stack of statements on his desk. They’d gotten through five statements in the two weeks he’d been gone. Maybe Jon was right. Maybe Martin did contribute “nothing but delays.”

Pushing the thought aside, Martin focused on listening to the tapes, and was just finishing up listening to the second half of Father Edwin Burroughs’ statement when Tim came into the shared office the assistants used.

“Hey, you’re in early. You get the email?”

Martin raised his eyebrows and shook his head.

Tim snorted. “Jon claims he’s got something to warn us about, something that ‘won’t parse properly through digital means.’” He rolled his eyes. “Which is Jon-speak for ‘it’s a weird thing and I don’t want to admit it’s a weird thing because I have to keep my skeptic hat on to preserve my self-image.”

Martin chuckled in solidarity, then gestured toward the door to Jon’s office, to indicate that’s where their boss was.

“Not coming?” Tim asked, his own eyebrow raised. When Martin shrugged, he said, “Well, I guess if you didn’t get the email…” Tim also shrugged, then said, “Guess I’d better get it over with. Wish me luck!”

Martin gave him a thumbs up.

When Sasha came in, Martin silently directed her to Jon’s office as well, then heaved a sigh of relief. He hadn’t had to explain being non-verbal at all yet, and it was already nine o’clock. Maybe if he was lucky, Jon would warn them off talking to him and he’d manage to make it the entire day without having to explain the whole “non-verbal” business to anyone he saw on a regular basis.

Alas, it was barely thirty minutes later that Tim and Sasha returned to talk to him, both wearing expressions of mingled concern and guilt. When they spoke it was a flood of the usual, expected platitudes:

“We’re so sorry!”

“We didn’t know!”

“Are you okay??”

And such like.

Martin shrugged and nodded and shook his head in all the right places, and evidently Jon had played them the tape of his statement so he didn’t have to explain it all again (thank God), and he thought maybe, maybe he could even figure out what statement they were working on right now if he just listened to their chatter after they were done with the niceties, but then…

Well. Then Timothy Stoker happened.

Which is to say, Tim actually looked at Martin, and said, “You’re being awfully quiet. You sure you’re okay?”

And then he and Sasha just… sat there, looking at him expectantly.

Martin sighed and reached for a piece of scrap paper and wrote, I’m autistic and sometimes I go non-verbal. Today’s one of those days, but I don’t have my phone anymore, so no communication app.

As he held up the paper so the others could read the words, Martin braced himself for the ensuing reactions. Pity, probably, like those in the Institute library, and he couldn’t even call in sick to avoid it; he’d rather have scorn and derision. At least those reactions were honest.

What he got from them was not pity, however, nor even scorn.

Sasha hummed. “Autism explains a lot, actually. Don’t worry, it’s not a problem.”

Tim grinned and clapped Martin on the shoulder. “Yeah, why didn’t you just say so? It’s fine, you’ve been through an ordeal. And so you know--you’re hardly the only neurodivergent in the Archives.”

Martin blinked at Tim, then wrote: Wait, what? Who…?

“Would you believe me if I said all of us?” Tim said with a grin. “I have ADD, Jon’s… well… he’s Jon, and as for Sasha…”

Sasha sighed in fond exasperation and cut in, “Tim…”

“I contend that you cannot be neurotypical, Ms. James. You fit in too well around here.”

“I am not admitting to anything on Institute property,” Sasha said with aplomb. “And you shouldn't have either, but here we are.” She looked at Martin. “If HR finds out and they give you any trouble, let us know and we’ll figure out what to do.”

Tim, in the meanwhile, pulled out his phone. “Here, go ahead and use mine for now, until your replacement gets here or whatever. What’s the app so I can install it for you?”

Martin’s jaw had dropped open. Tim having ADD made sense; what did he mean about Jon, though? And Sasha? And what did Sasha mean about HR? And… and why were they being so… nice? So… understanding? It wasn’t an act, or at least he didn’t think it was. They seemed… genuinely fine with it. Accepting, even.

It was the strangest thing Martin had experienced in a while, and that was including the worm-riddled woman who’d stood outside his door for two straight weeks.

From there the day just… went on as normal. Tim installed the app on the phone, Martin’s robot phone lady spoke for him, the three of them did their work, and everything was fine.

Until, of course, the nature of their work reared its ugly head. They were discussing the statement of Leanne Denikin, case #0051701, which they had yet to attach a pithy name to; hence the discussion. It had long since become standard practice to attach a name to the “weirder” statements, to make them easier to discuss. (Jon insisted on using the case numbers on tape still, which was annoying, given that was the only place he did that.)

Martin was reading through the statement, and he typed into Tim’s phone: What do you think of this bit? “Be still, for there is strange music.”

What came out of the phone’s speakers, however, was garbled static followed by high-pitched screeching that startled Martin so much he actually dropped the phone.

Jon was walking in just as this happened; he stopped in the doorway, blinking. “What on Earth was that?”

“Martin’s robot lady gave Tim’s phone an aneurysm, I think,” Sasha said, eyeing Martin as well.

Martin scrabbled on the floor for the phone, pulled up the app (which had crashed), and typed, I don’t know what happened!! I was just typing in something from one of the statements!

Jon frowned at him sharply. “What are you doing with Tim’s phone? Are you quite well?”

“No, Martin is not ‘quite well,’” Tim said. “Non-verbal for the day.”

Then Jon did something that stunned Martin: Jon signed at him, specifically, “Do you know sign language?” He spoke aloud as he said this, too, but also raised his eyebrows and gave a quizzical tilt to his head to convey that he was asking a question.

Martin blinked rapidly, then signed back: “Yes, actually. But Tim and Sasha don’t.”

Jon nodded, then said aloud, along with signing, “Why are you non-verbal, exactly?”

“I have autism,” Martin signed. “Sometimes talking is overwhelming and sometimes, especially in stressful situations, I can’t talk at all. Woke up that way today. It should be gone by tomorrow morning.” Why was he explaining so much more to Jon than he had to the others? Maybe just because Jon knew sign, and thus could communicate in a language Martin found much easier than even the typing.

Jon frowned thoughtfully, then nodded again. Then, still speaking and signing both, “What were you typing into your phone?”

“Be still, for there is strange music. From the statement.” Martin gestured to the statement on his desk.

Jon’s frown deepened and he repeated the words. “‘Be still, for there is strange music….’” His expression went slack for a moment, and then he shook himself. “Right. Well. Just… just… I’ll be right back.” Then he abruptly turned and left the room.

Tim and Sasha exchanged bewildered looks. Then Sasha asked, “Do you know what that was all about?”

“I forgot Jon knows BSL,” Tim replied thoughtfully. “Hard of hearing on one side. Not that he’d have agreed to interpret all day or anything.”

Martin shrugged. It’s alright, he typed. This works just fine.

“Well, no, obviously not for some things.” Jon had reappeared as suddenly as he’d disappeared, holding a small brown notebook the size of Martin’s hand. “Here,” he said, thrusting the notebook at Martin. “This will work better, for communicating about the statements. You needn’t use it with me, of course, unless signing is also taxing.”

Martin stared up at Jon. There was an entirely new look on his boss’ face. Not any level of scorn or sneer, nor even concern. He was… nervous. Fidgety. Like he was offering a gift that he was afraid might be rejected.

Something went flip in Martin’s stomach and it was like the entire world turned upside down. Suddenly, in light of Jon’s actions in the last 24 hours, he saw the way his boss had acted toward him the last six months for what it was: a defense mechanism. Armor pulled up around someone fragile and soft and sweet, someone so terrified of rejection that he went about making sure it happened preemptively so he wouldn’t be hurt.

Martin had a sudden, fierce desire to hug Jon and tell him everything would be okay. It was so bewildering a sensation--he didn’t even like the man! At all!--that he just took the notebook with a nod and a signed “Thank you,” eyes still very wide.

Jon nodded in return. “You’re welcome.” He let out a breath, and seemed to relax a little. “Well. Then. I think we’ve found the name for this one, given the way Tim’s phone reacted to those words. ‘Strange Music’ it is.” He straightened himself. “Tim, you said something about the organ reminding you of articles you’ve read…?”

Tim nodded, expression suddenly serious. “Yeah. I’ll see if I can find them for you.”

“Right. Well, then, Sasha, if I could ask you to look through the Archive like we talked about? I’m certain we’ve had a statement from Jane Prentiss.” Jon then turned to Martin. “And if you wouldn’t mind helping me with ‘Schwarzwald?’ You used to work in the library, right?”

Martin was still staring at Jon in confusion, but nodded.

Jon actually smiled at him. Faintly. “Well, then, I’m certain you must know where to find the German history reference books, if you could go grab whatever they’ll let you bring down?”

The strangest thing about it was, Jon seemed sincere. Like he actually believed Martin did, indeed, know the library well enough to just… go up there and find the German history reference books. The faint, confident-in-his-assistant smile was a new look, at least directed at Martin; he’d seen Jon look at Tim and Sasha that way many times before.

Martin’s stomach was doing cartwheels. There were butterflies taking up residence in his intestines. His heart was pounding. How had he never noticed how nice Jon’s smile was? Soft and small, like he was afraid to let it actually take up residence on his face for too long.

Oh, God, oh, no. Martin could not fancy his boss. Jon hated him. Or, well, no, evidence suggested that perhaps Jon did not hate him, but Jon most certainly did not fancy him. This crush had to disappear, just as fast as it had come. This would not do.

He was going to be writing poetry again tonight, wasn’t he? Crap.

“Martin?” Jon’s tone was concerned rather than sharp, and the way Jon said his name made Martin want to sink into the floor.

Instead, he scribbled furiously in the notebook and held it up so all three of the others could see: Yeah, sorry, was just thinking about where that’d be. I’ll bring them down as soon as I find them.

Jon practically beamed at Martin’s use of the notebook and he nodded briskly. “Right! I’ll be in my office when you have the books, then.” He started to turn away.

Martin’s heart went pound pound pound because oh wow Jon was really cute when he let that smile take up more of his face. Throwing caution to the wind, he made a noise to get the other man’s attention.

Jon turned around, quirking a brow. “Yes, Martin?”

Martin signed, “Tea?” He, too, raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to indicate the question.

Jon nodded. “Tea would be lovely, yes.” He smiled at Martin for a brief moment, and then suddenly looked flustered. He glared at them all. “Anyway,” he snapped in his ‘boss’ voice, the impact of which was ruined by the flush rising in his cheeks, “there’s still work to be done. So let’s… do it.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left the office.

Had Jon blushed because Martin had offered him tea? Did Jon like his tea that much? Was Martin imagining things? He had to be imagining things. He put his head down on the desk and wrapped his arms over it so he could grab at handfuls of hair. What was happening to him?

Sasha tried to make her voice serious, but couldn't quite manage it past quite clearly holding back giggles. “Mourn for poor Martin, working alone with Jon.” She looked at Tim. “We should call HR preemptively, it’ll be a bloodbath.”

“Nah, I think Jon’s softening on our boy,” Tim said with a laugh. He reached over to ruffle Martin’s hair with one hand while he took his phone back with the other. “Don’t worry, Marto. I told you he’d come around one day.”

Martin looked up at Tim with a stricken, betrayed expression. In the notebook: Is this how you comfort me in my hour of need??

Sasha shook her head. “For once, Tim’s being serious. You weren’t in the room when Jon explained things to us. He’s worried about you, he doesn’t want you to have to leave the Institute alone, he doesn’t want you to have to look for the Prentiss statement in case it’s ‘too traumatic’ for you to run across on your own. He actually asked us if we thought we should avoid any mention of Prentiss altogether in your presence.”

“I told him no,” Tim said. “I hope that was okay. You seem like you’d rather deal with trauma by facing it and figuring it out, rather than avoiding it entirely.”

Matin gaped at them. Really? he wrote. Jon’s… worried about me? Really? As if he hadn’t seen the evidence just now that Jon was, indeed… softening.

Tim gave Martin a very serious look. “I’ve told you before… I’ve known Jon, well, not as long as I’ve known Sasha, but for a long while now. He’s prickly and thorny, even to people he cares about, but that’s a front and I’ve said so. You just didn’t believe me.”

“In Martin’s defense,” Sasha put in, “Jon’s been awfully ‘prickly and thorny’ to him specifically.”

Tim put up a hand. “Oh, I agree. I have had words with our dear boss about the way he treats Martin, largely because I’m one of the few people he might actually listen to.” He looked at Martin. “I don’t want to take the credit, because it’s really been a remarkably fast turnaround, but I’d like to think I helped, a little.”

Martin frowned thoughtfully. Thank you, he wrote. If Jon’s at ‘I can stand Martin’ instead of ‘Martin is the source of all bad that happens in the Archives’ work might be… better than tolerable, for once.

“That’s the spirit!” Tim said with a grin. “Now, then, Jon did say to get back to work…”

Jon gave Martin another of those soft smiles when Martin brought in the tea, a smile which widened on seeing the stack of books he carried in right after. That afternoon, spent sitting and going through books and discussing the Schwarzwald statement, was the first of many they’d spend together, reading and talking and comparing notes.

Martin was feeling verbal again the next morning, but he kept the notebook. If nothing else, it was a good place to jot down poetry. And it came in handy when he found himself unable to speak the morning after Jane Prentiss’ attack on the Archives.

And the morning after Jon confronted him about his CV.

And the morning after Jon disappeared, leaving Jurgen Leitner’s body at his desk. (Martin blamed that on the corridors more than the body, really.)

Funnily enough, he didn’t need it the morning after the Unknowing. But he kept it with him that day all the same, the first gift Jon had ever given him, and one of the few things he had left of him with Jon in a coma.

--------------------------------------------

When they reached Daisy’s safehouse in Scotland, Martin had hoped he’d somehow manage to dodge the threat of going non-verbal. He’d been the one to drive the car, over Jon’s protests; it was something to focus on, to keep him remembering he was alive and real. He’d clutched the wheel and driven north north north with Jon giving directions in the passenger seat.

Martin had finally figured out that it was the chance to stop and think about trauma that led to his being non-verbal, which was why it was almost always a thing that hit in the morning. Adrenaline would keep him running after a stressful event, and then he’d carry himself through the rest of the day trying to clean up whatever mess had been caused. But sleep was enough for his body and brain to both tell him to stop, to process, to deal with whatever he’d run into.

It was possible, in hindsight, that he’d gone non-verbal more than once since the Unknowing and just hadn’t noticed because he’d been barely interacting with anyone. He’d certainly had a bad bout the morning after his mother’s funeral, dealing with so much misgendering and fake smiles. And there had been more than enough trauma to try to process in the past year, so it must have happened before.

He’d just really, really hoped it wouldn’t now, because he didn’t want to put Jon through that. (Why he thought he was putting Jon through anything he didn’t really want to examine. It made him feel Lonely, and that was bad.)

At any rate, the realization of why he went non-verbal had led to him keeping busy in order to hold it off, in order to hold himself together. So he drove, and he puttered about the cabin poking into cupboards, and he talked to Jon, and he talked to the shop lady in the village, and he brought back food and made dinner with Jon, and everything was good and fine.

And then he woke up the next morning, in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room, and he could not speak.

There was the smell of bacon and eggs and pancakes cooking, and Martin made his bleary way out into the main room of the cabin and peered at Jon, already up and dressed and cooking.

His boyfriend turned to look at him and smiled, one of those soft smiles Martin had come to love so much. “Sleep well?”

"Not really,” Martin signed. “I mean…” He gestured at his throat.

Jon nodded. “I figured you might feel that way this morning. I, uhh… hold on a moment, I need to….” He grabbed the pan of bacon and moved it off the heat, pulled a pancake off the griddle and deposited it on a plate, then turned off the stove and went to poke around in one of the bags.

Martin chuckled fondly. “What’re you looking for?”

Jon was still digging through his bag. “When I was grabbing essentials at the store, back in London, I was thinking, you’ve been through a lot, and the notebook I gave you before must be full if you even have it anymore. I know you were writing poetry in it, and… oh, here we go.”

Jon came up with another small notebook. This one was not plain and brown, the way the first one he’d gifted Martin all those years ago had been. This one was black, and had silvery stars on its cover that, as Jon held out the book and thus tilted it through the light, shimmered into rainbows.

“Just in case, you know, the shop lady doesn’t know BSL.”

Martin blinked at the notebook.

“It, uhh… I know it’s not your usual style,” Jon said, his voice suddenly nervous. He was looking down at the notebook as he spoke, instead of at Martin. “Not… retro. But… I saw it and I thought of you.” He paused. “That tape, where you were talking to Simon Fairchild. He talked about the ‘cosmic scale,’ and how we’ve never even been alive on that time frame, and you said… what was it? You said, ‘I think our experience of the universe has value. Even if it disappears forever.’ And I just… that was… maybe the most… it was very… you. And there were other options, flowers or cursive writing, o-or… I don’t know, they all seemed so obvious, but this…”

Jon swallowed, and finally looked up at Martin. “I thought, after the Lonely, you might like a reminder that, you have value. That… that to me, you shine as bright as any star.” And then he flushed, and Martin knew it was for him, just as he now knew the flushes about tea all those years ago had also been for him.

Martin was gaping. Oh. Oh. Jon… loved him. Which he’d known, intellectually, but the emotional knowledge of it hit him suddenly, took his breath away. He knew it, all at once, in that “oh we could spend the rest of our lives together” way he’d never really thought he’d ever feel.

Jon had clearly misinterpreted the expression; he started stammering, “I-if… it it’s bad, I can… well, no, I can’t take it back, stupid, I should’ve just grabbed the one that had--”

Martin cut him off by reaching out to take the notebook from Jon and reached out with his other hand to cup the shorter man’s cheek. He smiled, and because he’d realized long ago how well Jon responded to physical touch, he leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead.

Then he pulled back to put the notebook aside on the counter and signed, “It’s perfect. Thank you.” A pause, and then, “I love you.”

Jon smiled, both speaking and signing, “I love you, too.”

And for once in his life, Martin knew that to be true, and trusted that knowledge. He was loved. He had been loved, and he would be loved for the rest of his life, whatever state his voice was in.

[amaya-chwan]

Takeaways from Therapy Game: Restart Chapter 13 (and some Therapy Game news!)

Hello everyone! I hope you've all been well these past two months and taken care of yourselves! 💜

Before we get into our takeaways for chapter 13, I saw some news from Hinohara-sensei's Official Twitter that I would like to share with you all!

First piece of news: Therapy Game re:start volume 2 will be released on 1st June 2021! 🎉

Second: in conjunction with the release of the second volume, Sensei will have an in-person fan signing event at the Ikebukuro Animate store (animate honten) AND will have a special limited time shop featuring goods of our favourite dorks! This shop will be opened 6th-20th June! 🎉🎉

Image from Sensei's Official Twitter post! ❤️💛💜❤️

Now, what does the second piece of news mean for us not living in Japan (such as myself)? 🤔 Well, one of two things could happen:

We could see the merch on Sensei's Twitter and wish we could buy them one day 😭 OR

Animate could "potentially" release this merch for online order!

I'm not trying to get anyone's hopes up, but when I saw Animate open a special Yuri!!! on Ice shop last year, I didn't think they'd release merch online. But they did, for a very, very short period of time only! So my only hope is that they do that again for Hinohara-sensei! 🤞

Here's the special website from Sensei's twitter that has information about the fan signing event and limited time shop! It seems they'll show what merch will be available in the shop when it's all been finalised.

If I spot anymore updates about that, I'll try to post about it here! ❤️💛

Alright, down to business as usual! Let's get into our takeaways~ Thank you for being so patient with me! Life has been a little busy this year with juggling work and social life! So I really appreciate your patience! 💜

Here are our takeaways for this chapter:

Loving the brotherly love we see in this chapter! Warms my heart to no end! ❤️💛💜❤️

Minato, bb, you are growing up a lot! I am proud of you! 😭

Did I ever tell you guys that I really love Mito-san too? No? Well now I have ahah! He is just amazing and I love the energy he has--cool and lovable, yet smooth and sexy! Loving the domestic vibes I'm getting! 😍😍

AHHH SHIZUMA! Your smile is too pure, it's blinding! 🥰

Just couple goals from Shizuma and Minato, AND from Mito-san and Shouhei! (Why I don't call Mito-san Itsuki, I'll never know ahah I blame Shouhei! XDDD) ❤️💛💜❤️

The younger sibling moments in this chapter are so relatable! (I am that younger sibling ahahah!) 🤣🤣🤣

I honestly don't know what to think of Onodera at this point in time? 🤔

The (supposed) date time with Shizuma and Minato went from adorable anticipation to steamy relations in a split second, but not NSFW! 😲

And that’s it for this chapter’s takeaways! For a more detailed breakdown/summary of this chapter, please continue after the cut! Since it's been a while since the last chapter, I threw in some extra surprises in this summary, so keep reading if you want to see~  😉✨

Our chapter begins with an image of Mito-san and Minato, with Minato's cheek leaning on Mito-san's shoulder. The dialogue reads: When it seems like my overflowing emotions are about to burst from the seams, I really do yearn for this back (i.e. something familiar he can always lean on).

We see Minato spaced out on a sofa, being called by Itsuki. Itsuki tells Minato to go home if he's just going to sit there like that since he is very busy cleaning his entire home for when Shouhei moves in with him! Minato gets up, understands the situation, and helps Itsuki out.

Itsuki, knowing something has happened between Shizuma and Minato, asks Minato directly since he only goes to Itsuki's place when he is troubled, and he must be troubled by something related to Shizuma. He also says that Shizuma is worried about Minato, especially since Itsuki lied to him about Minato's whereabouts.

Minato brushes it off, saying that it's nothing big. He talks about the time when they had to drop by Shizuma's workplace, he saw a woman/Onodera (not knowing she's Shizuma's director) and that Shizuma made an very adorable face while talking to her.

Minato stops talking, so Itsuki asks if that is all to the story. Minato then says yes, so Itsuki deduces that Minato is ignoring Shizuma because he happily spoke with that woman (Onodera) and confirms with Minato, who then agrees. Itsuki blames himself for raising Minato like this and apologises to Shizuma in his inner monologue.

Minato defensively says he's told Shizuma not to do that, yet he still does. Minato's monologue says that this Shizuma--who is talking to someone unknown to him, about a story he doesn't know, in a place he doesn't know about--seems like a distant person to him.

He realises that even though he and Shizuma are together, he cannot monopolise him, and that it annoys him. So rather than tell him not to speak with others, he has chosen not to see Shizuma until he calms down. Suddenly, a handyman appears at Itsuki's home to beginning furniture installations.

Image translated from Sensei’s Twitter post here!

Minato is surprised Itsuki replaced a lot of his furniture, to which Itsuki replies: "I wonder if Shouhei-kun prefers the new ones too."  Minato says Shouhei would freeze from this "surprise" and imagines Shouhei asking how much it cost!

Itsuki, still in his happy bubble, says he wants Shouhei to also select some household furniture and accessories, so they'll go shopping together next time. Minato is happy for them since their house-moving plans are going well. Itsuki goes back to their previous topic of conversation, and says how Shizuma and Shouhei both are very charming. He recounts how Shouhei would handle different kinds of customers, from the difficult to the sad ones, how his charms and personable skills would change their mood completely, and calls him a genius who has a knack for calming customers.

Minato asks if Itsuki dislikes that, since he himself doesn't know what to think of Shizuma showing his charm and friendliness to others and that some misunderstandings would arise eventually.

Itsuki then reminds Minato that out of all the people in the world, Shizuma asked Minato to live with him, and that thought alone must've made him happy.

Minato does agree, yet it doesn't change the fact that he is unaware of what Shizuma does outside of the home. Itsuki is then suspicious that Minato and Shizuma are going to move in together too.

Minato panics, and says he just meant that from Itsuki's point of view since he's moving in with Shouhei. Just as Minato thinks he's almost let the secret slip, he gets a phone call. Itsuki tells Minato that it's Shizuma, but Minato refuses to pick it up as he is "still cleaning"--the real reason is that Minato told Shizuma he wouldn't forgive him if they speak before Minato gave the OK to talk again.

Itsuki, being the older brother, answers the phone and slides it on the desk near Minato and leaves him to talk with Shizuma, even putting it on loud speaker since Minato is preoccupied.

Shizuma is frantically trying to get a response from Minato, to which Minato responds with a simple: “What... I can hear you.” The first thing Shizuma asks is where Minato is at this present moment, fearing that he might be at a suspicious place. Minato says he isn't and is in fact in the neighbourhood doing some errands. Shizuma breathes a sigh of relief and is thankful his call finally reached Minato as no one he asked knew where Minato was, and because Shizuma was overthinking things, he was just about to go searching for him.

Minato tells him that he doesn't need to go to such lengths and make such a big fuss about it, but Shizuma tells him that he will always make a big fuss about it since it's about Minato. To avoid such a thing happening again, Shizuma tells Minato not to make him worry. Then these pages happen:

Just as their talk of their brothers' moving into together comes to an end, Shizuma gets all excited to go apartment hunting with Minato again and reminds him, not knowing that Itsuki is also listening. The Mito brothers freeze in surprise, with Itsuki soon confirming his earlier suspicions with Minato--his eyes and aura going all kira kira (i.e. sparkly). Minato tries to reprimand him for bringing it up now, but Shizuma continues on, saying he's found a few places he likes and they should start inspecting prospective apartments soon before they're overwhelmed by it all.

Minato hastily agrees to it all, and Shizuma smirks on the other end of the phone, asking Minato when they can see each other. Shizuma suggests Friday if he is too busy at the present moment, and just as Minato gives work as an excuse not to see him on that day, Itsuki jumps in and says he can go see Shizuma.

Shizuma, very surprised by the fact Itsuki overheard their conversation, says his name aloud, and Shouhei overhears him. Itsuki thanks Shizuma for letting him overhear such an adorable story featuring Shouhei. And then this happens:

Still very flustered, Minato quickly agrees to seeing Shizuma on Friday and promptly ends the call before Shizuma can even finish saying "Wait!" Itsuki happily approaches Minato and asks to hear more of their apartment hunting adventures, to which Minato replies that nothing is final yet!

We change locations, and Minato is now on the balcony scrubbing the floor. Minato recalls how he wanted to tell Itsuki about his and Shizuma's plans to move in together further down the track. He then is overjoyed at the thought that Shizuma missed him and wanted to see him. While he awaits Friday, he remembers and is embarrassed by how furious he was the last time they saw each other. He plans to start a skin routine to care for his face and to get his hair done.

Just as he thinks this, he is called out by none other than Shizuma, who is on the ground floor outside. Minato, visibly surprised, asks Shizuma why he’s here. Shizuma tells him that the shop is close to his home. Minato knows this, but is more curious as to why he is here since they just agreed to see each other on Friday. Shizuma is taken aback for a moment, before saying: 

While Minato hides away from Shizuma and quickly tries to style his hair, Itsuki overhears a ruckus on his balcony and goes to investigate. We then find out that Shouhei accompanied Shizuma. Shouhei calls out to Itsuki and asks why he didn't tell him that he was cleaning the whole house. The Ikushima brothers offer to help out with the cleaning, with Shizuma joining in because his younger brother will be under Itsuki's care soon. Itsuki happily agrees, saying that he wouldn't be able to fully clean the place if only Minato were there.

As the Ikushima brothers are getting ready to go upstairs to help, Itsuki says the brothers are indeed good, endearing people, and their charming personalities would probably make Minato and Itsuki anxious at times. Minato agrees. Itsuki then continues to say that while Shizuma and Shouhei charm those around them, the only ones who can make them smile the way they do are themselves. Minato is concerned about a possible intruder in their relationship, and Itsuki provides some brotherly advice.

We change scenes to Onodera, smoking on the clinic rooftop and thinking about Shizuma's smiling face.

We change scenes again to Minato, waiting for Shizuma at a predetermined location since it is now Friday. Happy with his new hairdo, Minato reminds himself not to get angry, to sort out the current situation they're in (i.e. Minato's one-sided anger at Shizuma), and to be calm and collected.

Shizuma then gets out of a car across the road, and looks around for Minato. Minato, who can see him very clearly, smiles happily and decides to let Shizuma look for him a little longer. A few more moments pass by, and Shizuma spots Minato and then waves happily to him. However, there is a slight problem.

Minato sees “the woman from last time” (Onodera) driving the car who then passes Shizuma his phone, with him smiling awkwardly at her. He recalls Itsuki's brotherly advice. Minato had actually asked Itsuki a follow-up question: "You say ‘just don't lose,’ but what should I actually do?" Itsuki tells him that it's something he has to figure out for himself.

Shizuma runs to Minato, apologising for making Minato wait. He explains that he was running late due to various issues, and he seemed to have dropped his phone in the car of the person who dropped him off. Before he could even tell Minato that it's his director who dropped him off, Minato says he doesn't need to say anything else and to just go out with him.

We see that Shizuma and Minato are now at a hotel, with Minato quickly pushing Shizuma onto the bed. Shizuma is annoyed at himself for letting Minato see such a scene that would cause a misunderstanding. Before heading over to the bed, Minato closes the door, turns to face Shizuma, and grins. He crawls onto the bed and immediately kisses Shizuma. He calls out Shizuma's name before asking him:

He softly pleads with Shizuma, asking for a quick response. Shizuma wonders if Minato's jealously is making him want to be held right now. He thinks Minato is really, really adorable, but also realises this isn't the right time to be thinking this. So Shizuma does tell Minato he loves him, that it's obvious he loves him very much. He apologises for causing him to worry and that he never once intended to do so. Minato cuts him off, saying that he understands and that it's okay.

Despite saying so, Shizuma notices the atmosphere is a little different than usual. Minato then tells Shizuma that he's been thinking of a way to ensure he doesn't lose Shizuma to anyone or lets anyone take him. The final page shows us this:

Again, THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR! 💜 📢  As always, please support Hinohara-sensei by purchasing her books and CDs! 📢

And that’s it for this chapter! 😲 Another cliffhanger here, and ngl that was a little (SFW-ish) steamy? I honestly do not know what to expect in the next chapter!! Dominant Minato?????  But I hope you enjoyed the few extra panels in this summary! 💜 My laptop struggled to keep up, so I will go back to only showing a handful of panels in future summaries. Please also refrain from resharing these translations and images outside of this post! Thank you for understanding! ❤️💛

The next chapter will be in next month's Dear+, so the wait isn't too much longer! So I shall see you all next month for our next set of takeaways to find out what happens next!

As always, stay safe during these turbulent times and look out for each other and for your loved ones! 💜❤️💛

[pinkponyclubb]

young royals: wilmon and their zodiac signs

so, instead of working on my term paper i started thinking about what could be wille's and simon's big three. feel free to disagree with me, but i thought i'd share my thoughts!! this is all in good fun and isn't meant to be taken too seriously, so don't come at me lol

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

a little explanation about what these placements mean in case you don't know: the sun sign builds one's identity and kind of serves as the blueprint for a person, a.k.a. the core. the moon sign is responsible for emotionality and rules how we deal with our moods and feelings. the rising sign is what many view as the mask we present other people, and it's responsible for how we react to our environment.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Wilhelm

virgo sun / libra moon / cancer rising

virgo sun - people with their sun in virgo are constantly looking for ways to improve themselves and tend to don't ever think of themselves as good enough. this may cause a common state of anxiety, which we see wilhelm suffer from in very obvious ways throughout the entire season. he doesn't think he's good enough at being a prince (or, later, the crown prince), and his family literally making him say that he's the family disappointment in episode 1 probably didn‘t help. although virgos are willing to work hard, they might still feel like a lost cause because they tend to set unrealistic expectations for themselves and can't help but compare themselves to others. before they make a decision, people with their sun in virgo have to think everything through over and over again and due to their urge for perfectionism they might need a lot of time - final and definite decisions feel super difficult to make, and under pressure, they tend to crack under outside influences. moreover, virgos are not known to be very sociable. wilhelm even says once that he dislikes having to talk to a lot of people, even though once he does it, they don‘t react to him negatively.

libra moon - wilhelm seems to heavily rely on another person to share his emotions with. in the beginning, that person is erik, but later we see simon become this person. after erik passes, wilhelm tries to stay away from simon for the sake of the crown, but then realises he needs him to hold on to. now, you might question this, because aren't people with their moon in libra also meant to be super charming? yes, and hear me out! indeed, wille is suffering from anxiety and also explicitly said that he doesn‘t enjoy socialising, BUT have you seen him talk to linda at the parent's day lunch? he immediately tried to make sure she'd feel comfortable in an environment she wasn't used to - maybe it's his manners and his upbringing, and of course he wants the mother of the guy he has a crush on to like him, but he seems to charm her with ease. another completely different thought i had was that when he gave in and denied it was him in the video after all in the final episode, he possibly did it to avoid another fight with his mother. librans crave harmony at all times and cannot stand people being mad at them or disappointed in them, and we have to consider that at this point, wille doesn't fully realise yet that this would be a dealbreaker for simon - so to wille, following his mother's wishes probably seemed like the best compromise.

cancer rising - despite being a prince, wilhelm doesn't really portray stereotypical characteristics. he's shy, easily flustered, and emotional. when faced with conflict, he withdraws completely (e.g. when he asks simon to delete all of their texts instead of coming to him for comfort). cancer ascendants are known to be kind and sensitive, and they are careful about who they want to open up to. this leads to some cancer ascendants feeling rather lonely at times. they long for people they can feel safe around. when they are in love, they give their all, and they wear their heart on their sleeves (wille really sucks at hiding how much he likes simon, i think we can all agree on that). also, one of the typical cancerian's love languages is physical touch! once they manage to open up, they are good communicators (one thing that‘s so great about wilmon is that! they! talk! and i blame their immaculate zodiac placements).

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Simon

pisces sun / scorpio moon / libra rising

pisces sun - honestly, one of my favourite zodiac signs, and i say that as someone who does (unfortunately) not have a single pisces placement in her chart. people with their sun in pisces tend to be very sympathetic. very. they always try to understand each side of an argument, and are known to be incredibly open-minded. however, this ability to adapt might make them feel like they have to hide a part of themselves around certain people, and to other people they might seem a little like a push-over. they don't really dare to dream big out loud. pisceans are also prone to get into the arts one way or another - and as we all know, simon loves music and is a great singer! people with their sun in pisces would never intentionally hurt anyone, and always put their loved ones first, even over themselves (sara fittingly pointed this out in episode 6). saying 'no' is a hard task for them (remember in episode 5 when simon is very obviously still mad at wilhelm for what he did but forgives him anyways because wilhelm says he needs him?). pisceans like to ignore harsh realities, so when it comes at them, it hits hard. some even claim for pisceans to be a little masochistic, e.g. when they are getting into situations that will very obviously hurt them just for the sake of trusting another person.

scorpio moon - now, i know that scorpios don't have the best reputation, but honestly, i think they're misunderstood. people with their moon in scorpio value emotionality unlike any other sign. they feel everything at the fullest, even if they're not necessarily sharing it; however, they are always up for anything that will grant them (negative or positive) emotional intensity, e.g. a passionate relationship. they don't do things halfway, it's all or nothing. to other people, they radiate strength, and scorpios are not scared of honesty - in fact, they value it.

libra rising - i feel like this is the most debatable one, so feel free to disagree with me. libra ascendants are usually very likable. they are kind and fun to be around, because they care about everyone around them being comfortable. they also care deeply about fairness and equality (we see this in simon a lot, starting with him speaking up for lower classes in class in the very first episode). librans are known to be a little indecisive, but mainly because they want to make sure they made the best choice for everyone around them. they sometimes forget to put themselves first, and tend to feel guilty if they do so.

i hope this makes sense to you. it was really interesting to think about, and: bonus! it gives us an idea of what their birthdays could be. according to this, simon's birthday would be either the 10th or the 11th of march, 2004, and wille's birthday the 14th or 15th of september, 2004. like i said, this is obviously just wild guesses based on what we see in the show, but i'd love to hear your thoughts!!

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them”.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

[jaskiersvalley]

💜✨ This is an Amazing Creator Award! Your creations are incredible, and they light up every dashboard they land on. Pass this on to eight of your favorite creators to show your appreciation and let them know their art is loved! ✨💜

Bready, my wonderful friend. Thank you for this ask, it really made me smile. You're an eternal delight and I want to say thank you for your thoughtfulness and constant kindness. Have some silly Lambskel as a token of my gratitude.

CW: Clowns (which reminds me of this post)

Children grew up at an alarming rate. Eskel could have sworn it was only a few blinks ago that Geralt took guardianship of baby Ciri with Yennefer. Now, she was turning six and Eskel had been roped into chaperoning a birthday party. Again. Though he did have a scrawled invite arrive in the post, painstakingly stickered, glittered and signed by Ciri. It was nice that she wanted him there but Eskel knew that if she hadn't invited him as a guest then Geralt would have been gently bullying him into helping out on the day anyway. Not like Eskel minded, he loved Ciri and would happily do anything for her.

The big day rolled round and Eskel turned up early at Geralt's house. There were already balloons around the door, the house inside was decorated with birthday banners and, in true Ciri fashion, dragons. That year she had very sweetly demanded a clown for her birthday and Eskel was curious to see whether Geralt had given in despite his strong dislike of them. Why someone felt the need to put on so much makeup and parade around in ridiculous clothes was beyond reason. Once, while drunk, Geralt had admitted it made him uneasy to the point of it actually being a fear.

"Ah, you're here," Geralt said as he stepped out of the kitchen and spotted that Eskel had let himself in. "I need to have a word with you."

A strong hand wrapped around Eskel's bicep and tugged him into the kitchen. He went willingly enough, curious as to what secret Geralt was going to let him in on this time. They stood in silence for a moment, Geralt watching him with serious eyes.

"Don't fuck the clown."

Frankly, Eskel was a little offended at the request. "Is this because of the demon stripper Yen hired for your birthday?" The look Geralt gave him was answer enough. "Come on, she was hot, was off the clock by the time I took her home. And she kept her horns on."

The punch to the arm should have been expected and Eskel grumbled as he rubbed the soreness left behind. Before he could complain, movement in the garden caught his attention. There was the clown, hauling a large, colourful bag to the small gazebo that had been set up. Suddenly, Eskel understood Geralt's request and he promptly decided it wasn't something to pay attention.

"Oh."

"No." Geralt said flatly as Eskel took one last look at the clown and turned to go out into the garden. "Eskel, I'm serious. No! Don't fuck the clown!"

"I won't," Eskel called over his shoulder. "I'd let him fuck me."

Unfortunately for Eskel, Yennefer was in the garden and seemingly in on the "don't let Eskel fuck the clown" mission. Which was quite rude on several levels. Firstly, Eskel was offended that the other two thought he would jeopardise Ciri's birthday party for the sake of a fuck. Secondly, he was an adult who did not need to be guarded and protected. If he wanted to stick his dick in someone, nobody but he and the intended person had any right to object.

As it was, he still found out the clown was called Lambert and, if Eskel focused then he could make out the most sinfully plush lips under the layers of makeup. It was on pretty thick but Eskel couldn't feel like he was in a place to judge, he'd never had to dress up as a clown before so that slathering was probably normal. It was difficult to make out the true features of Lambert under all of it but Eskel knew for sure he was handsome.

There was no time to get to know Lambert any better because Ciri and her friends turned up in a wild, screaming mass and it was all hands up deck. Balloon animals were the start of Lambert's entertainment and Eskel had to give it to him, he was good. Especially when he looked at the parents with a half made giraffe that most definitely looked like a cock before becoming something more child friendly. Eskel didn't think he'd snorted that hard in a long while. It actually hurt.

Next came the cake and Lambert took a well earned break. Well, not quite, because he happily made crowns for all the adults, showing them how to untwist them into swords if they wanted a fight later on when the children had gone. And he winked at Eskel when he gave him a crown and a dubious looking sword that was most certainly two twists away from being a cock.

"Just how many balloon cock shapes do you know?" He had blurted out and quietly adored the smug smirk Lambert sported.

"All of them. But I like to model them on real life ones. And I don't have a model at the moment."

Eskel barely held back on a guffaw at such a blatant come on. It was only Geralt's grip on the back of his neck that held him in check, along with the low growl of "you will not fuck the clown."

"Not while he's wearing large circus trousers," Eskel had agreed.

His composure was totally wrecked by Lambert cocking an eyebrow at him. "Want to see what's under the big top?" Because yes, Eskel really did.

After cake and presents Lambert had a set of magic tricks to show. it started off quite well, nothing impressive but the cards were fun to follow and Eskel saw how sleight of hand worked.

"And now," Lambert announced, pulling a top hat from under the table. "I will make a rabbit appear!"

The top hat did indeed look empty and Eskel was curious whether it would be a real rabbit and whether Lambert kept it to a traditional white on. Getting the children to join in with the chanting, Lambert tapped a wand against the hat and reached into it, only to frown. Rummaging in the hat, he cursed much to the children's delight.

"It seems our magic has gone a bit wonky," Lambert said, not hiding his agitation very well. "Rather than manifesting a rabbit in the hat, we have conjured him up somewhere in the garden."

"Maybe he's up your sleeve?" Ciri called. "You should check!"

There was no way the rabbit was up his sleeve but Lambert dutifully reached in. He pulled out a card, a couple of coins, an unending row of silk tissues, another wand that erupted into a bouquet of flowers. All of it was met by loud laughter and cheering from the children who were rolling around laughing the more frantically Lambert pulled things out.

By pure chance, Eskel gazed out over the garden, only to spot a large white rabbit merrily hopping towards the house. Quietly, he went to grab it, cradling the obviously well loved and spoilt creature, petting it out of habit. Watching Lambert grit his way through a few more rather lacklustre and failed magic tricks, Eskel couldn't help but be thoroughly charmed. He almost missed the growling sigh from next to him.

"Fine. Fuck the clown." Geralt looked utterly resigned.

With Lambert looking a little frayed around the edges, Eskel finally took pity on him. Walking up behind the children, he cleared his throat.

"There I was, trying to have a slice of cake when this suddenly appeared on my plate instead. I don't suppose any of you know anything about it?"

The cheer from the kids was deafening but Eskel only had eyes on Lambert and the almost palpable relief rolling off him in waves.

"Maybe if Lambert would care to whisk this rabbit away, it might bring my slice of cake back."

Rabbit carefully handed over with one last scritch between the ears, Eskel stepped back and happily joined in with the chanting to hide the rabbit in the top hat again. Thankfully it was a success and no rabbit was visible when Lambert showed his audience with a flourish.

After that the children were ushered away and Lambert was left in peace to pack away. Well, mostly in peace. Eskel lingered and watched, curious to see Lambert without the clown makeup.

"That was an entertaining set," Eskel commented, sorely tempted to casually lean against the leg of a gazebo. But it would never hold his weight so he refrained.

"Fucking Rabbit," Lambert growled, much more rigid and tight now that he wasn't performing for children. "I'm going to eat him for dinner if he does that again."

"And how often do you threaten him with that?"

After a telling silence, Lambert snorted. "Every other day. He's a bastard."

Valiantly, Eskel held back from commenting how pets usually turned out like owners. But then he'd have to admit to Lil Bleater being an absolute menace and what would that say about him? Instead he straightened up and sauntered closer to Lambert.

"So, the offer of seeing a pitched tent still available?"

He crowded against Lambert who gave him a once over before nodding. It was all the permission Eskel needed before kissing him, heedless of how makeup smeared against his skin. Behind them, the door to the house was slammed shut and Eskel had to pull away with a chuckle.

"I'm under strict instructions not to fuck the clown." His eyes were dark as he took in the smudged and ruined makeup around Lambert's lips. "So, either the clown fucks me, or you can take your makeup off."

There was hesitation in Lambert's expression. He was obviously torn, lower lip caught between his teeth. "I'm not-" he broke off and his shoulders hunched. "I'm not handsome like you under the makeup."

"I think you're plenty handsome enough. Why don't I help you take it off?"

Another pause before Lambert gave a nod. He sat on one of the chairs after handing Eskel the makeup remover and wipes. It was slow progress but the more Eskel saw, the more he liked. One half of Lambert's face was done and he flinched away from Eskel's touch.

"It's not pretty," he warned and Eskel nodded before reaching again. That time Lambert didn't move away but he was tense as a scar was unveiled.

"You worry that it's not pretty," Eskel rumbled, "yet you called me handsome with all my scars. Double standards much?"

There was no reply but Lambert couldn't meet his eyes. Gently, Eskel wiped the last of Lambert's makeup off and sat back with a grin. "Knew it. Utterly, devastatingly handsome. I'm afraid it's terminal."

That drew a laugh from Lambert at least and Eskel leaned in to kiss the giggled from his lips.

"I think Geralt and Yennefer can handle the kids from here on," Eskel purred. "Why don't I take you home?"

As they left, he sent a cheeky wave to Geralt who was watching them from the kitchen window. Eskel couldn't resist sending him a text from the car though.

"Thanks for the fun afternoon. Don't worry, I didn't fuck the clown. We'll play it safe though, he'll keep the shoes on to keep my knees comfortable though."

The reply from Geralt didn't bear repeating but it had Eskel throwing his head back and laughing.

[stardusttkachuk]

Santa’s Workshop

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: fluff, swearing,

Summary: JJ picks up a holiday job, working as one of Santa’s elves. He doesn’t expect to meet another elf there, but isn’t disappointed in who he’ll be working with all season.

A/N: This is day 1 of starduststarkey’s 12 days of Christmas. Find other fics in my masterlist

Wanna be tagged? click here!

“You look fucking ridiculous,” John B says as JJ stands in front of the broken full length mirror that JB picked up from a junkyard.

“At least I have a job, asshat.” He fixes his hat on his head, grimacing at the way the tights hug his body. He’s uncomfortable in every place imaginable and is already dreading the 5 hour shift.

“Maybe if you’re a good elf, Santa will bring you a girlfriend this year!” Pope teases.

“You better shut the fuck up before this elf beats you to a pulp,” JJ threatens, fists raised.

Pope laughs. “I don’t think elves are supposed to be getting in fist fights.”

JJ huffs and rolls his eyes. Pope is right. He can’t show up to this job covered in bruises, that would scare the kids even more than he probably already will.

“Will you please drive me?” He asks John B. 

“Maybe you should ask Santa for a car,” John B says, grabbing the keys to the Twinkie.

“Why do you think I even took this job in the first place? Please. I don’t want to be seen in public like this.”

You set your bag in the provided cubby, checking your phone one last time before your scheduled session. When you had signed up to be one of Santa’s elves at the local mall, you were ecstatic. You and your best friend had been doing this for the last two years. But this year, your best friend ditched you for the hot chocolate stand. Really she ditched you for the cute girl who worked at the hot chocolate stand, and now you were stuck working with some kid named JJ Maybank. You crossed your fingers in hopes that he wasn’t some loser like the guy they hired last season.

“Santa arrives in 10 minutes! You better be out there in 5!” Natasha, the showrunner of Santa’s Workshop yells through the improvised locker and changing room. “Where’s your other elf?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. He hasn’t shown up yet.”

“Well when he gets here tell him he’s a dead man if he isn’t here 15 minutes prior to his shift.” She storms out, clipboard in hand. 

The first day is always one of the craziest. Things don’t settle down until a few weeks in. And by the time they do settle down, it’s already the week before Christmas and they get crazy again. 

“Hi. I’m JJ Maybank. I think this is where I’m supposed to be?” You hear someone say, likely talking to the nutcracker that’s posted outside the green room.

“In there. Find Y/N. You’ll know it’s her because she’ll be dressed just like you.”

You roll your eyes. At least he showed up. Ten minutes late but he did make it.

He passes through the curtains, blonde hair a mess under his elf hat. You’ll have to remind him to brush it before he arrives. You have an extra brush in your bag, but you know you won’t have time to make it look perfect.

He spies you easily, strutting towards you. “I’m JJ. Are you Y/N?” 

“That’s me. You’re late, by the way.”

JJ looks at his watch, eyes wide and mouth agape. “I’m five minutes early! That’s the earliest I’ve been for any job!”

“Natasha’s rules state all workshop employees must be present 15 minutes prior to their shift.”

JJ rolls his eyes. “It’s only ten minutes.”

“And if it happens again, you’re a dead man. So you better be here 15 minutes early next time.”

“Okay but why 15? Aren’t we just sitting around those 15 minutes until our shift starts?”

“It’s for costume malfunctions. Like your hair. It needs to be brushed. If you had been here 10 minutes earlier, maybe we would’ve had time to brush it and make it look better.”

“My hair looks fine,” JJ grumbles, though he does attempt to smooth down the ends with his hands. 

You lead him over to the cubby next to yours, gesturing to it. “Put your stuff in here. And that includes your phone.”

JJ places both his phone and wallet into the cubby. He then takes his jacket off and puts it on top of the two valuable items.

“No one is going to steal your stuff, if you’re worried about that. This place is heavily monitored,” you say. “And no one but Santa’s crew is allowed back here anyway.”

JJ is about to speak when an elderly woman with white hair tucked under her hat enters the room. “Looks like Mrs. Claus has arrived,” he jokes.

“That’s Natasha.” You grab JJ’s hand, pulling him out to Santa’s corner before Natasha has a chance to yell at him for his tardiness.

“So what exactly do we do?” JJ whispers, eyeing the line of children and their parents that seems to wrap around the entire display.

“We help the kids from their parents to Santa’s lap and then back out to their parents again. And don’t forget the candy cane before they leave.”

JJ grimaces. “You mean we have to interact with the kids?”

“Yes. Now smile and act like an elf,” you say.

“How do- ohf!” JJ grunts as you elbow him and immediately reach forward for the hand of a little girl.

“Hi! I’m elf Y/N! And this is my friend elf JJ! What’s your name?” You ask in a high pitched voice. 

“I’m Sophie,” she beams. She grasps onto JJ’s hand and you have to bite your lip to keep from laughing at the face he makes. It’s clear he isn’t a fan of kids and you can’t wait to watch him interact with them for the next 30 days.

JJ pulls his booties on over the tights, chuckling to himself as the bells jingle. They jingle every time he walks. He’s grown so used to the sound now though. He’s grown used to looking absolutely ridiculous in his costume. He’s even grown used to the kids, which he thought was impossible.

But the way Y/N smiles when he coos at a baby or holds onto a preschoolers hand has helped him get over his dislike of the kids. He’d do just about anything to see her smile.

“Ready?” John B asks from the doorway, keys looped around his finger.

“Actually a friend is picking me up,” JJ says, grabbing his phone and wallet.

“What friend? You don’t have any friends besides us.”

“Well that’s very rude of you to think. I have plenty of friends. And her name is Y/N. We work together.”

“Work together or sleep together? Or both. Do you guys like, get it on in the costumes?”

“Ew, no,” JJ scoffs.

“Okay, you know elves is somebody's kink,” John B adds, shuddering as he does.

“I didn’t want to know that. I don’t want to think about that.”

“Okay but Y/N… you like her.”

“No. We’re just friends. We’re coworkers. We work the same shift and she offered to give me a ride, okay? Now can you make yourself disappear before she gets here? I don’t want her seeing your face.”

John B pouts. “Why not? I have a very likable face.”

“Just… please?” JJ asks, but it’s too late. 

The beat up Ford truck pulls up in front of the house. JJ knows it’s hers. On days when they work late and it’s dark outside by the time they leave, he walks her to her car. They once spent two extra hours after work sitting in her car and talking. She even gave him a ride home once, but he made her drop him off down the street. It was too risky for her to pull up to his actual house, especially if his dad was home. 

JJ knows John B is in the doorway when he exits the house. He watches as Y/N waves, a courteous smile on her face. JJ walks to the passenger side, hearing the familiar squeak of the old door.

“Who’s that?”

“John B. He’s my best friend.”

“He’s dating Sarah Cameron right?” she asks.

“Yeah. You know Sarah?”

“Everyone on this island knows Sarah,” Y/N laughs. JJ knows she’s not wrong. Everyone did know the Cameron's, especially after the huge scandal that went down last summer. People don’t typically forget about a murder and stealing of millions of dollars worth in gold.

“Right,” JJ laughs nervously. 

You tear your elf hat off as soon as you reach your truck. Today was a hard shift. Multiple crying kids, lines that wrapped all around the mall, parents who didn’t understand the concept of patience and waiting, and then there was the kid that peed on Santa Claus and made everyone wait even longer while Santa went to change. It was a nightmare. 

If it wasn’t for JJ, today would’ve been the day you quit.

But he insisted on stopping for dinner before you dropped him off, so here you were, sitting at a booth across from him, the both of you still clad in your elf costumes.

You probably looked ridiculous but you didn’t care. JJ was your sole focus tonight. He let you vent to him about the craziness of the day and when you weren’t talking he was telling you about the funniest wishes he had overheard while on candy cane duty. 

“All their missing socks?” You laugh, hand covering your mouth.

JJ nods, laughing harder. “He-He couldn’t understand why the dryer monster needed his socks more than him. He even asked if-if monsters were on the naughty list!” JJ bursts out laughing, as do you. If there was one thing that could cheer you up, it was this.

“Kids got a point,” you giggle. “Why does the dryer monster only take one sock and not both? Do you think he only has one leg?”

JJ nods, his smile wide. “Yeah, instead of one eye he’s got one leg.”

Your laughs die down slowly, but you can’t wipe the smile off your face. The smile that was forced all throughout the day was now a real one.

“I’ve missed that smile,” JJ says, reaching his hand across the table.

You blush but take his hand without hesitation, lacing your fingers through his.

JJ nervously clears his throat. “Do you think when this is all over, I can take you on an actual date?”

You’re not sure your smile could get any wider. “I’d like that.”

You both stare at each other for a while longer, before JJ can’t wait anymore. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he says, leaning over the table.

“I’d like that too,” you respond, meeting him halfway.

Tags: @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @serpentbaby @etoilesnoor @k-k0129 @maybanksbaby @talksoprettyjjx @canibeoneofthepogues @multifixx  @theonetheonlyalexbrown @glux64 @shy-1234 @sleepyhollands @cognacdelights @ilovejjmaybank @blueeyedbesson @cheshirecat107 @myrandom-fandomlife @makebank @ifilwtmfc @obxmxybxnk  @kookkyra @rafej-cambanks @blindedbypeaky @ahiae @repostcentral @midnightzonzz @blxndeprincess @dracosbbygorl @itsagurl @Poguesinablanket @amandaburris @tovvaa @sunnsettee

[softsebnbuckystan]

Soul ties - Part 6 (Bucky Barnes au)

"Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady"

Word count : 2061

Sleep didn't seem to come to you that night, and you didn't know whether the reason was the pizza you'd had for dinner, your husband's obvious neglect or your supposed soulmate sleeping in the same building. After tossing and turning in your bed for over three hours, you grabbed a pillow and a plaid, put on your slippers and went into the main kitchen. A herbal tea under the stars should  be a good way to help you sleep, right? You tried to stay as silent as you  could despite the boiling water in the kettle – you always refused to microwave water – and picked some chamomile infusion Wanda had chosen. With your cup in one  hand, you opened the picture window. One thing you liked about the compound was the few balconies it had : they weren't too big, but they were large enough for you to sit on a pillow and look at the stars, your back against the wall. You were once again trying to spot constellations,  the August sky being perfect for this kind of exercise.

"Can't sleep?"

You almost spilled your tea on your plaid.

"Sorry I scared you."

You smiled weakly at the man who'd just joined you. "It's fine. Wanna sit here with a fellow insomniac?"

Bucky ran a hand through his hair before sitting on your left. His right arm brushed against your exposed skin and you tried to hide your shivers.

"What's keeping you up?" You ask. "I mean,  you obviously don't have to tell me."

"Nothing much. Some nightmares."

"Are they ones about...about the war?"  Your question startled him ; he shot you a  confused look as you lowered yours. "Sorry. Steve told me a few times about his best friend Bucky and I... I made the connection."

"I thought Steve avoided talking about those things."

"What? The way he lost you?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry, that was tactless."

"Don't worry about that." He looked at the sky, leaning his head against the wall. "Wanna tell me what's keeping you up?"

"Well, it's quite ridiculous really," you eluded.

"Steve told me why you're spending time here. Is it him that keeps you up at night?"

You sipped on your tea for a few seconds. "I guess so. It's just that I keep thinking about what I'm doing wrong, you know? I must be doing something wrong."

You heard him take a breath, his shoulders raising with his chest. His arm against yours felt strange, in a good kind of way. You'd never felt so close to anyone in such a short amount  of time, and you wondered what made him so special aside from the meaningful tattoo you shared.

"I don't think you're to blame. Can I be honest?"

"Sure."

"I'm sorry if I seem out of place, because we only met a week ago but..."

"You feel like I get you, right? Just  like I feel that you get me."

He nodded calmly. "He doesn't seem to realise who he was lucky enough to marry."

"Lucky, huh?"

You looked at him with a smile and had it not been so dark, you could've sworn a red tint had reached his cheeks. "You're hella smart," he explained. "And from what I've seen, you're kind."

"And you think that after two days with me?"

He shrugged and allowed himself a quiet laugh. "You let Sam get the last piece of pizza earlier. I would have never done that."

"True. That is my most selfless act ever." Jumping on his joke felt natural and as it turned out, he had a communicative laugh.

"Why  don't you laugh more often? I like it."

Bucky looked you  in the eyes, paralysing you with his blue pupils again. It seemed as if he was searching for what to say.

"There aren't a lot of things that make me laugh. You do, though."  This one didn't sound like a joke, and you placed your hand on his forearm, instantly sending a funny feeling down to your stomach.

"Consider me flattered," you said. "Can I ask you a question? Don't feel like you're forced to answer, though."

"Sure."

"I'm just curious, working in biochem and stuff... I'm basically the school nurse for theses guys," you explained. "So how does it feel, the metal arm? Do you...feel things the way you do with your right arm?"

He stopped for a moment. "I did not expect that question. That's a good surprise." He raised his left hand in front of him. "It's weird, actually. This one is really advanced. Shuri did an amazing job with it, but... sometimes I'll touch something and think I feel something. I know it's my brain playing tricks on me, but it's not that sentient. I feel pressure, tension...but not actual human sensations." He let his hand fall down on his knees.

"Do you miss it?"

"I got used to it. But yeah."

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Y/n, we met last week."

"I know! But like, it's not a 'do you trust me with your life' situation. Think of it as 'do you trust me with basic skills' kind of thing." You chuckled. "Now close your eyes."

Bucky gave in and you gently grabbed his metal hand. "What do you feel now?" you asked,  stroking the back of his hand.

"I know there's something on my hand. And I know it's harmless. But...nothing more, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's part of you."

"And you don't mind that?"

"Why would I?" you shrugged. "It's you."

"Even if I were to do this?" He slowly raised his hand, approaching your face. You let him place his hand on your cheek. It didn't feel like flesh and bone, but it still felt right.

"Yes, even then." You held up his gaze, searching those blue eyes for any sign. Signs of what exactly, you didn't know yet. All you wanted was to stare into them forever, never leave this state of mind.

When Bucky's hand fell down your shoulder and kept running down your arm,  a thousand shivers ran down your spine. You couldn't – shouldn't – feel this way. You were married now, and doing this... To prevent  you from doing anything stupid, you looked away and leaned back against the wall. Getting away from him still was out of your league, though ; you settled for resting your head on his shoulder and spread your plaid over both your bodies. It might've been because nights were fresh, even in August, but it was mostly to make sure you were as close to him as you could be. Before falling asleep, the last thing you felt was Bucky's head letting itself fall on top of yours.

---

"Hey, you need to wake up."

The morning sun made you blink and you felt something on your thigh. Lowering your gaze, you noticed Bucky's hand. You tried not to freak out and looked up at whoever had spoken : Steve. Bucky shifted next to you, woken up by Steve's words  as well.

"What's going on?" you asked. Steve might have been the best at hiding concern, he couldn't always hide it from you.

He sighed. "Darren's here."

"Shit." You got up more abruptly than you should've, causing you to lean on Steve's shoulder for a second. "Where is he?"

"Right here."

You turned around, seeing Darren standing in the doorframe. Well, that was unfortunate. You thought you should've been feeling some sort of guilt after being found in another man's arms – technically ; all you felt was anger. You were angry that he'd showed up after standing you  up last night, you were angry about the neglect and his overall lack of care.

"What are you doing here?" you asked sharply.

"Bringing you home. Why didn't you come back?" His arms were crossed over his chest and he shot Bucky a furious look. "And why were you sleeping outside with this guy?"

Rubbing your forehead, you gestured towards Steve and Bucky.  "Could you guys leave us a minute, please?"

Even though Steve nodded and walked back inside, Bucky seemed unsure about  leaving you alone with your husband. You gave him a brief smile and he took the hint.  As you closed the door behind him to have some privacy – the door was made of glass, but oh well –, Darren started pacing.

"Did you cheat on me last night?"

"What the hell?" You  couldn't believe your ears. "You're kidding, right? You stood. Me. Up. You didn't even bother telling me in advance that you'd go at Brad's, and you didn't even come home. Didn't you think I was tired of being alone every night?"

"You're never alone."

"Damn it, Darren,  you came home past dinner every day since we got married! We should be on our honeymoon right now, and yet you don't even bother kissing me goodnight."

"That's all this is about? I work a little too much and you go away to your so-called family?" He'd stopped pacing and raised an eyebrow, proud of his innuendo. His insinuating Steve and the gang weren't your family made your blood boil.

"So-called? So-called, Darren? I love these people. They are my family and they've been more present for me today than you have in a week. What did you expect? That I would happily ask to be invited at Brad's, when I clearly am not welcome there?"

"You are welcome, what the hell are you talking about?"

"They don't like me, and you know that very well." You looked at the ground. You might've been angry, but never being able to fit in within Darren's social circle had always hurt you.

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

No words came out of your mouth. How could you say anything to that? This was the ultimate insult. You had given so much to this relationship that you'd never even thought that 'not trying hard enough' could've been  the reason they  disliked you. First dinner with them, Brad's wife had made fun of what was left of your Sokovian accent, asking Darren if he wanted you to help you get a green card. Of course you'd called her out on her racism. She got upset, but was it your fault? No. During a night out, Brad had been too handsy with you and when telling Darren about it, he'd told you that you were reading too into it, that he was just being friendly. They weren't good people, and you'd always wondered why Darren bothered hanging out with them.

"That's it, go away." You let out an exasperated sigh, opening the door. "You're going to leave the compound to go home and calm down. Maybe I'll be back in a few days."

"I'm not going anywhere without you." That could've sounded romantic. In his mouth, it sounded more like a threat.

"Hell yeah, you are. Now go. My birthday is in three days, and I don't want you to be like this then."

"Right, your birthday. Don't count on me to celebrate it if you don't bother coming home."

You closed your eyes for a moment before gesturing him to leave. He ultimately walked through the glass door and you saw him make eye-contact with Wanda on his way out. You knew she was trying hard not to throw him against a wall or something. You ran your hand through your hair, taking in what had just occurred. You knew Darren would feel better the next day and that it would be like nothing ever happened. You just weren't sure anymore whether it was a good thing or not.

"Don't worry, you can stay here longer," you heard Steve say.

"You're better off with us anyway," Wanda told you.

"You know he's-"

"Please, don't defend him," your sister pleaded. "He's not treating you right and you know it. He hasn't for years. Why are you-"

"Wanda, please. Not here."

You looked at Bucky out of the corner of your eye ; you didn't want to have that conversation in front of him, for some reason. Maybe deep down, you knew he'd side with Wanda. Having your sister call you out was hard enough ; you didn't need your soulmate to start doing it as well.

--- I just finished part 9 so I'm posting part 6 because I can't wait to have your opinion on this one!! Don't forget you can message me anytime to be added to the tag list :)

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02

[imagine-loki]

Omega Mine

TITLE: Omega Mine

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 1/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Loosely based on: Imagine Loki discovers the Avengers have an omega who has healing powers living with them. He’s an Alpha and he wants her, badly. 

RATING: M (eventually ) 

NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here

“Nope, nope, fuck no.  Why do all these companies suck?” You grumbled to yourself as you scrolled through job posting after job posting on your laptop.  You were sitting on your bed absently eating a slice of pizza in your pajamas while you searched.   You were hunting through the job listings looking for a company in search of an Omega.  

That wasn’t at all atypical. Businesses that employed a lot of Alphas needed Omegas on staff to help keep the balance and the peace.  Betas could only do so much against volatile Alpha tempers.  

It wasn’t that you didn’t like your current job, but it just wasn’t the right fit.  You’d worked at a few different companies since you’d graduated from college.  The companies were all glad to have you around, but none of them had felt like the right fit.  That was also typical.  It took a few tries to find Alphas who really fit and felt like safety and home.  It took longer to find such Alphas in an environment where you could use your degree or your magic, or something that made you more than just a typical Omega.  

It could take forever or absolutely no time at all to find the Alpha.  The one who was your mate and meant to be your love.  

You hadn’t had any luck finding your Alpha yet, just as you hadn’t found the right company to work for.  You’d temped a couple places as an admin, even though it wasn’t anything to do with your degree.  You were now working again as an assistant and getting pretty tired of all omega jobs only being assistants or menial labor.  There was nothing of substance.  That made sense.  Usually, Omegas couldn’t hold higher level positions.  Alphas ruled and Omegas were cared for, by nature and by nurture.  On the other hand, Omegas were the balance for an Alpha’s temper.  They cared for the heart of the people, while the Alphas cared for the physical safety.

Any of the castes could marry any of the others and Omegas finally had some rights in the US, but the world was still highly unfair toward your caste.  Omegas couldn’t own a house, for instance, or rent an apartment in your name.  You could earn money and have a bank account of your own, thanks to the laws that had passed, but a lot of the world was still stuck in the old ways of thinking Omegas nothing more than pets.  Or glorified sex slaves.  Thankfully, things were changing slowly, but surely.

You lived in an Omega-house with other unclaimed Omega girls and walked every day to the office nearby where you worked.  There was a Beta who acted as house mother as it was determined that Omegas couldn’t be trusted to care for themselves, so you weren’t allowed to live on your own.   Despite that you were a college grad with a job. 

It was either the Omega-house or still living with your Father.  And that wasn’t an option.  Not after you’d finally escaped to go to college at one of the universities that had accepted Omega students.  

There was a knock on your door.  You weren’t expecting anyone, but that didn’t mean one of the other Omega girls didn’t want to come visit, or the Beta coming to check on you.  “Coming!” You called and set your piece of pizza back on the plate, wiping your hands quickly as you got to your feet.  You padded silently over to the door, your steps light, despite the interruption.  You opened the door to see the Beta on the other side.  Your new house mother.  “Hello, Beta Ann,” you greeted her politely.  She was new and stuffy and still old-school enough that she wanted to be addressed by her title every time anyone spoke to her.  

She gave you a warm matronly smile.  It was a bit condescending.  “Hello, dear,” she always spoke down to the Omegas, as if you couldn’t understand what she was saying.  “I received your message that you wish to look for a new position?” She made it a question.  It was her job to help you find something.  Sometimes she could have better connections than the websites that the Omegas could access.

You nodded eagerly.  “Yes, ma’am,” you replied politely.  She really was stuffy and old schooled, but if she could help you… you’d be polite. “It isn’t that I dislike my position.  It’s just… not the right fit,” you explained quickly, hoping she would understand.  

She nodded sympathetically and looked over the clipboard she was carrying. “You’ve been in that position six months, I see.  Yes, that’s plenty of time to realize it’s not the right fit,” she agreed.  She looked up at you again.  “I was actually going to speak with you regardless.  A position crossed my desk that I thought you would be a good fit for, given your abilities,”

You perked up at that.  A position for your abilities?  Your skills?  Not just because you were an Omega?  “Really? What position?” You asked eagerly. You tried not to appear too eager.  That would be impolite.  It was a tentative balance.  

“There is a group who is looking for an Omega.  It’s a live-in position.  All room and board is covered on top of a generous salary.  They are specifically looking for someone with medical background and your healing abilities are very appealing to them,”

Medical background and healing?  

And a proper home?

It sounded absolutely perfect.  

“I’m definitely interested, ma’am,” you told her brightly. 

She nodded her agreement.  “Very good, dear.  I’ll let them know and set up the interview for you.  I’m sure it will just be a formality,”

Most Omega interviews were.  The Alphas in charge didn’t need to interview, not really.  They just needed to catch your scent or psychic scent and determine if you would fit in with their tempers and soothe their needs.  

“Thank you, ma’am,” you told her politely.  She gave you another condescending smile before she left you to set things up.

*

A few days later, you found yourself in front of your mirror adjusting your suit’s jacket for the billionth time before your interview.  The suit looked good on you, and professional.  Though you still knew that you had that Omega air about you. An Alpha or Beta could identify you on scent, on sight, even without the collar around your neck.

All Omegas were required to wear a collar once they presented as an Omega.  Puppies (children) presented their secondary gender, their caste, officially toward the end of puberty, usually around 16 or 17 years old.  There were usually signs before that of what a puppy would be when they matured and you’d heard that there was a test that puppies could take now to determine what they would present as.  

The collar you wore was the generic collar every Omega wore until they were claimed by an Alpha.  It was silver and plain, thin, not heavy at all, but you would never forget it was there, not since the day it had been locked on.  Only an Alpha could remove it.  And only your Alpha would, when you were claimed and mated, only to put his or her own collar on in its place. It was still a holdover from the old laws.  You’d never gotten a good answer as to why.  You always got some bullshit reason about knowing who to protect.  Omegas were more rare than Alphas or Betas, so you weren’t surprised the law hadn’t changed.

There was nothing you could do about it.  And it wasn’t ugly.  But it did single you out as an unclaimed Omega.  Especially at your age.  There was no specific age to find your Alpha, but most Omegas you knew your own age were already claimed.   

You knew it made you a target.  You could be claimed against your will, mated against you will, if you didn’t already have an Alpha.  That didn’t mean you were going to settle.

That was also why the company was sending a car to pick you up for your interview.  Beta Ann had said that a Beta security guard from the company to escort you safely to and from the interview.  

You made sure you had your phone in your purse as well as your resume before you headed out of the house.  You said goodbye to Beta Ann and only left once the Beta security guard, a many named Happy of all things, rang the bell to collect you.  

Your eyes widened when you saw the limo that was waiting to take you to the interview.  What the hell kind of company was this?  The information hadn’t been passed along to you. You didn’t know of Beta Ann knew or not.  She didn’t deem it important enough information to tell you if she did know.  

Happy opened the limo’s door for you and you thanked him softly and politely as you took the seat inside.  He gave you the warm smile everyone gave Omegas.  They couldn’t help it.  Your presence was soothing to everyone.  He shut the door behind you and got in the driver’s seat.  Soon you were driving through the city, toward the city center.  You watched out the window with interest, curious as to where this company could be.  What this company could be.

You didn’t know what you were expecting.  

Whatever it was, it wasn’t your limo stopping at the VIP parking in front of the Avengers’ tower.  It wasn’t the press that were staked out to catch pictures of the superheroes and anyone who came to visit the tower.  It wasn’t Happy parking in that VIP section and coming around to open your door again for you.

The Avengers.

You were interviewing for the Avengers.

You couldn’t believe your luck.  This really was the perfect opportunity. 

You understood immediately that this was a test.  

An Omega who couldn’t handle the press, couldn’t handle the surprise of showing up at the tower, who broke down at any little uncertainty or surprise, wasn’t an Omega that would work out for the team and wouldn’t be what they needed.

Desperately in your soul, you knew that this was what you needed and you vowed to do anything in your power to make sure you got this job. 

[thewhitejournal]

“The Intern” Part Two

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

hello all! the love on this first part was absolutely unexpected, but i am so grateful for it! here is the link to the first part of the series, go ahead and read that in case you haven’t yet. if you liked this part or have any feedback, do not hesitate to let me know. without further ado, onto the show!

content warnings: mentions of child sexual assault and murder

link to the inspiration for this fictional case

You and Penelope started looking over the file Agent Hotchner had given you. Not soon after you read over some of the details, a blonde woman swung open the door to the office.

”Garcia, debriefing in five. Hi, I’m Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ. I’m the liaison for the team; I’ve heard so much about you, Penelope is so excited to not be alone in her office all the time.” She smiled at you, offering you her hand to shake, and you took it.

��It’s so nice to meet you, I’m (y/n) (y/l/n).” You smiled back at her, and she called for Garcia over her shoulder as she left. You looked up to Penelope, silently asking what your next move should be.

”C’mon kid, you're on this case. I have a little feeling Hotch won't mind if I invite you to work it.” She said to you with a knowing smirk playing on her lips, heat flooding your cheeks. You'd hope not, you didn't want to make the boss mad the first day you were shadowing.

Following Penelope out of her office, you looked around and noticed other agents heading the same way. Agent Jareau was walking ahead of you, talking to a dark-haired woman, and your path aligned with a skinny, long-haired man wearing a sweater vest and gun on his waist that looked like it physically weighed him down.

“Uh, hi, I-I’m Spencer Reid, Garcia told me about you. It’s nice to meet you.” His lips were in a straight line, and he didn’t make direct eye contact with you. You smiled at him.

“(Y/n) (y/l/n).” Without responding, he picked up his pace a bit, catching up to the two women in front of you. Garcia chuckled.

“He’s not the most social butterfly in the garden.” You scoffed, laughing lightly yourself. She assured you he would warm up to you though, which made you feel better. You didn’t want a single member of the team to dislike you.

You all eventually gathered in the debriefing room, and you couldn’t help but wonder where Hotch was. Penelope introduced you to the other agents sitting at the table that you hadn’t met yet, and they welcomed you warmly. Agent Rossi said something about always needing extra help, which gave you a nice feeling in your chest.

JJ stood to present the case, and not a second later, Hotch walked in the door. She must have seen him coming. The only empty seat left happened to be next to yours, and he took it. He gave you a very small smile, then turned to face JJ. You suddenly remembered you were in a room full of profilers; if you were going to steal glances at Hotch, well, it’s probably better you didn’t. How frowned upon is a relationship with the boss, especially with someone not even officially part of the team? You didn’t want to think about that, it was just a silly little crush after all.

Pictures from crime scenes and documents you had to be closer to the screen to completely identify crowded every screen in the debriefing room. A twelve-year-old boy went missing outside of Seward, Nebraska. Unfortunately, he wasn’t missing long, because his body was found in a ditch off of an interstate not three days after he was reported missing. The cause of death was asphyxiation, and there were signs of sexual assault, post mortem.

“You know, this reminds me of the Oakland County Child Killer. He was responsible for the killings of four children in Oakland County, Michigan in 1976 and 1977. Each child's body was discovered in a public area within 19 days of their disappearance, two boys and two girls. The children were all either strangled or shot, and the two boys had been sexually abused.” All this information at once took you by surprise; how did he know all of that? It was like he was reading it straight from a book.

“Are there any more missing kids in the area? This could be some kind of copycat.” Morgan questioned.

“There hasn't been any reported since this boy, Nathan Harrison. Reid, how far apart did the Oakland County Child killer take his victims? If this is a copycat killer, we could try to estimate when the next victim might be.” JJ asked him.

Reid thought for a moment. “His first victim was in February of 1976, and he didn’t kidnap again until December of that year. Then, though, the last two victims were taken only months apart in 1977. I don’t believe this killer had a pattern, other than always placing the bodies where they could easily be seen.” Hotch sighs, eyes darting around the table that’s filled with case files and crime scene photos like he’s taking in all the information. His dark brows are furrowed; you guess he’s thinking of what the team should do next.

“Well, I don’t want to wait around and see if he makes his own M.O. or if he follows this killer’s actions. We’re going to need to do more research on the Oakland County killer and if there are anymore unsolved child cases in Nebraska that might be connected to our unsub. Wheels up in thirty.” Hotch looks around the room at everyone as he says this, and his gaze lingers a second longer on you before he leaves the room. The other agents start gathering the files and coffee mugs they may have brought into the room and head out too.

“Just like that, they’re gone?” You ask Penelope, turning your chair to face hers. You were the only two people left in the room. She nods.

“Just like that. You and I will stay behind and help with all the fun behind the scenes stuff unless they need us out there later.” She stands, jewelry jingling with the motion. You followed suit, trailing behind her back to her office. Looking around the room, the agents were carrying duffel bags out the door and to the elevator. You saw Hotch still standing in his office, preparing his bag and making sure he had everything.

“You think they’d let me come with you?” Your voice lowered. Secretly, she knew you meant Hotch. You didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, this was their case after all.

She only nodded, dangling earrings swinging as she did so. Hotch exited his office and you tried to inconspicuously watch where he was going. You’re sure you can’t have been that sly about it though. He rounded the corner and looked like he was going to go out the door, but he stopped behind you two, calling out for Garcia. You turned around in sync to face him.

“I don’t know what we’re walking in to yet, I want you to have a go-bag ready if needed.” He turned to face you. “(Y/l/n), if you’re comfortable with coming along with us now you’re more than welcome. We’re leaving in fifteen.” With that, he slid past you, walking through the doors to the elevator in the hall. For a split second, you felt his body heat in your space; you even caught a little whiff of his cologne.

You looked over at Garcia. You didn’t know what to do; you were here to shadow as a technical analyst, not as a profiler. You weren’t supposed to be in the field, it wasn’t the plan. You searched her face to try and figure out what she might say next, and if she was okay with you going. Maybe it could be fun, a good experience. It might be a chance to get to know the team better, maybe one to get to know your temporary boss better too…

“You can go if you want to honey, I know it appeals to some people. I am not some people, however. I like my office. My screens. And hey, nobody said you had to stay here. Maybe they’ll make you wanna be a profiler.” She placed a hand on your arm, gently patting it, her smile beaming at you. You gave her a small smile back.

“I don’t know Garcia, I don’t know the first thing about being in the field and profiling and working an actual case like that. I’ve been studying tech stuff, it’s all I know.” Your lips tightened and your brows knitted. Your eyes fell to the floor; you couldn’t look her in the eyes. It felt like you were abandoning her, as silly as it sounds.

“I may not be a profiler, but I can tell you want to work this case out there. I’ll still be here when you come back in one piece.” A small smile came upon your lips, and you met her eyes.

“Thank you, Garcia.” She smiled with her lips. Her eyes scanned your body.

“If you end up needing to stay there, you can probably fit Prentiss’s or JJ’s clothes. I’m going to send you all the teams’ contact information too. Be careful. Tell them they better take care of my girl.” She gave you a quick, unexpected kiss to the forehead. Turning into her office, she grabbed your purse and handed it over to you. She told you where to go to board the jet, and you hurried out to the elevator. You heard her laugh behind you, but you didn’t care. You were excited to be going into the field and getting to be able to know the team and all the ins and outs of the job. Maybe you did want to be a profiler.

Hotch filled your mind again though, inevitably. You were still thinking of how he extended the invitation to you personally, did that mean something? Maybe he was just being nice to you, trying to make you feel welcome here. Or did he really want you to be there with him and the team, did he want to teach you the ropes and spend more time with you? You shook your head to yourself, now heading out to board the jet. You needed to be focused on this case. But you had a feeling that being in a little space with him for at least three hours, which you knew would feel like so much longer, wouldn’t help your focus at all.

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 3 of Season 1

“Extra Ordinary”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ 

1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ First off I’d like to say that this is one of my favorite episodes of this season. It’s just soooo good

☂ The second comic book in the window features the Televator from the actual comics, so that has to be canon in the show! Also at the time that that second comic came out, Five had already left since we don’t see him on the cover

☂ It’d be cool if they actually printed Vanya’s book for fans to read

☂ Well Diego isn’t wrong when he called Hazel and Cha Cha animals because of their masks

☂ Honestly I feel Vanya’s struggle with chair placement. I’ve fortunately had the luck of playing in all three clarinet chair placements, but 1st chair is challenging. I personally found each placement very fun to play, especially 3rd, and I hope Vanya does too! (why am I talking like she’s real)

☂ Hazel talks about people living ordinary lives, but didn’t he live like that too at one point? How does The Commission recruit people? If they get ordinary people, do they wipe their memories of their previous lives?

☂ “Let’s see’em get out from behind their desks, get their hands dirty for once.” Well Hazel, Five does indeed do this even though he only had a desk job for a day. Still, he got to experience both worlds

☂ My mind is blanking on this, but how did Five get that cut on his arm? Was it from a bullet wound at Gimbel’s? 

☂ Five must have a high pain tolerance to stitch his own wound but his bandaid probably wouldn’t stick due to the wet blood he slapped it over. Five sweetie you need a cotton pad and gauze for that one

☂ Wait, you’re telling me that The Umbrella Academy boys’ top uniform consists of a tank top, a white dress shirt, a tie, a sweater vest, and then the blazer? Someone asked Reginald what he wanted for the uniforms and he just said “Yes.”

☂ Five: *puts hands in pockets only to immediately take them out*

☂ Aidan almost sounds like he has an accent when he says “I'm done funding your drug habit.” 

☂ Five’s so soft talking to his wife

☂ No Leonard, your bread and butter is being a creep

☂ Also, he thinks wood carving is embarrassing? If someone came up to me and showed me something they carved out of wood I would be so jealous cause it’s such a neat form of art

☂ Leonard saying that he carved wood, and in that case wooden figures, when he was a kid is a slight foreshadow of all of his tampering with his Umbrella Academy figures. He can make wooden figures but he’s also destroyed a handful of the Hargreeves figures 

☂ “Never really did like The Beatles.” Well sir you’ve made me dislike you even more

☂ Vanya asking Allison if her siblings wanted her at the family meeting bugs me a bit. I absolutely get that she was literally left out of anything and everything that had to do with her siblings when she was younger, but Allison just asked her to come back home for a family meeting. Allison wouldn't have walked around looking for Vanya only to tell her that they were having a family meeting and that she wasn’t actually invited. Allison is including her in on a family meeting but Vanya is just in a bit of disbelief that she’s being included

☂ Ah yes, the only PTSD flashback for Five we see in the show! He looks so scared when he snaps out of it. I believe it was somehow triggered by the kids (I could be wrong) but do you think Five sometimes panics when he looks at himself in the mirror now since his body is the same age it was when he got stuck? Also it’s very subtle but when Luther opens the door, Five slightly jerks/flinches back. I wish we would see more of this in the show since it’s one of his major traumas

☂ “Does it matter? It’s Klaus.” Ouch! Well Five I hope you know that your siblings are somewhat thinking the same thing since they believe that you’ve lost your mind and are practically an old man crying “Apocalypse!” 

☂ Five does an ever so slight huff and smirk when Luther tells him that the meeting at the Academy is important. He finds it a little funny but so frustrating in his mind that Luther doesn’t know what’s truly important

☂ Also I love that Aidan has to turn to the side so that he can keep it together after Klaus talks about his chocolate pudding waxing. Either that or he’s portraying Five as being frustrated and in disbelief. Also this is the first time I’ve noticed that he says “Ay, ay ay...” 

☂ “We’re all you have. And you know it.” Oh Luther, you’re failing to see that that’s why he’s acting like this right now. He’s all frantic and crazed about trying to stop the apocalypse so that he can protect and save all that he has

☂ Five certainly is mad at Luther during his mini lecture. He’s clenching his jaw tightly and when he first speaks he hisses out the words through gritted teeth. He even called Luther by his number. He’s very impatient at this point and doesn’t care for Luther’s act of attempting to be a leader

☂ This is their first, and certainly not last, time watching Klaus go by in front of them doing something he shouldn’t be doing

☂ “You haven’t been home in a long time, Vanya.” Sir you were also just on the moon for four years. Yeah Vanya was away for a long time but Grace easily could have changed too during the four years you were gone

☂ How sweet, even though Five hasn’t really been home they want to include him in on the family vote :]

☂ I’ve noticed that in S1 that David really mumbles his lines. A lot

☂ I wish we got more flashbacks of the younger Umbrellas

☂ Diego my beloved mama’s boy ♥️

☂ It’s confusing as to which country TUA takes place in, but it’s really not supposed to be a specific one. It’s portrayed as being in North America, but you can see behind Cha Cha when she gets out of the car at the Academy the flag of the RAF, which Canada would have at a monument since it’s a Commonwealth country. At the same time though Delores came from Gimbels, which was a department store chain across the U.S

☂ The light above Five’s portrait is slightly crooked, which probably means no one has really been paying attention to it

☂ It makes me nervous that Klaus wipes bubbles onto his face. It looks like he got some in his eyes

☂ Ugh I love the whole scene of Hazel and Cha Cha walking around the Academy with “We’re Through” playing

☂ Diego: *has knives but instead chooses to punch and hit Hazel to try to make him let go of Allison”

☂ A rope-a-dope is a boxing tactic of pretending to be trapped against the ropes, goading an opponent to throw tiring ineffective punches. Diego sweetie Hazel wasn’t even trying to get you off of him all he was doing was choking Allison. The only person who got tired was probably you

☂ What’s the point in Diego yelling “Luther, go!” if he’s already going 💀

☂ Luther was there immediately when Hazel attacked Vanya. That means that Luther heard Vanya and was going to go get her to safety

☂ I will never stop signing my praise for the entirety of the “Sinnerman” fight scene(s). It gives me chills every single time. Easily one of the best scenes in all of the show

☂ Klaus must really have his music blasting if he can’t hear the gun shots right next to him

☂ I’ve always wondered if Allison actually registered in her mind that “The boy” is Five when Cha Cha says that’s who they’re looking for. Either she does realize that’s Five, is simply just angry that those two are looking for a boy, or registers in her mind that it’s Five through his superhero codename even though Cha Cha’s not referring to him in that way

☂ Diego is full on just standing in the background watching Allison get beat up by Cha Cha 🕴

☂ I love Diego’s little hand flap when he gets hit in the hand fighting Cha Cha

☂ Okay so I make everything about Five, but the whole Cha Cha fight scene with Allison and then Diego kind of scares me. Cha Cha and Hazel are both amazing assassins (they’re both probably right below Five) and neither Allison nor Diego could stop her by themselves. Could you imagine Five fighting one of his siblings? Especially with his spatial jumps? We already got a glimpse of his true combat skills when he fights Lila in S2. What a scary little old man

☂ “Vanya, get out of here!” Again, wanting to make sure that Vanya is safe and gets away. He even tried to go look for her

☂ Something I don’t really get about the Hazel and Luther fight is why doesn’t Luther just overpower him? Luther has super strength and on top of that he has giant muscles due to the gorilla DNA. Shouldn’t he be able to beat Hazel to a pulp? Maybe we have to consider that Hazel might have been altered by The Commission to be stronger and more durable, but they haven’t mentioned that in the show

☂ “Ah, you gotta cut down on that fast food, soldier.” What are you talking about Diego he literally just got off the moon two days ago aflksjfdk

☂ So Luther was too injured to jump out of the way of the chandelier but was able to push it up off of himself? 🤔

☂ I personally think that Luther’s body design adaptation for the show is really cool and that they gave him the perfect amount of bulk without making him look ridiculous

☂ This has been pointed out before, but cross-stitch foreshadowing, baby 

☂ Again, Diego my beloved mama’s boy ♥️

☂ Well at least Diego thought about Vanya dying before thinking about his siblings dying because of her. The latter is ironic!

☂ The clock above Luther’s mirror reads approximately 1:30 am. Hazel and Cha Cha didn’t want to wait until morning

☂ I wonder how different it would be if Five was present at the Academy when Hazel and Cha Cha attacked. He probably would have surrendered himself to them, but it's fun to entertain the idea that he would go apeshit if he knew that they were harming his family in order to find him

☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!