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askbensolo · 5 months ago

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Journal Entry #52: don’t fall in love with boys who write, ‘cause they edit and edit till the story’s just right

I turned and slammed my fist into the wall. And then I yelled as loud as I could, and did it again even harder. And if that sounds like something I had already learned not to do in front of her, well—let’s just say I’m a slow learner.

“Ben,” she murmured from her place on the white stone bench, fiddling quietly with her fingers in her lap.

I tried to catch my breath, then slumped my back hard against the stucco wall and started picking off the scraped skin from the side of my hand. It stung, but I kind of liked it—it’s hard to explain. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I just—I just wasn’t expecting to hear you to say that. Sorry.”

And what had she said, the reader may ask? Well—you might recall what she had said in that voice recording from earlier: that she wanted me, she needed me, she couldn’t live without me whether or not anyone else thought it was a good idea—all that stuff that made my ego go brrrrr—

Well, I come all the way to Ryloth and track her down, and she takes me into the depths of her father’s courtyard gardens where everything looks like a fairy tale, and tells me that: actually? She’s now considering a life of solitude, like the Jedi of old.

WHAT.

“I was in a really bad place when I sent you that message,” Fannie said quietly. “I…had just received some very difficult news, and I was feeling very alone, and I didn’t know why you weren’t talking to me…” She looked up at me, then, with the distrust of one scrutinizing a stranger. “To be honest, Ben, I don’t even know why you’re here right now.”

“Why else?” I asked, sinking down to the ground and matching the intensity of her gaze. “‘Cause I love you.”

It used to be difficult to say. But now, it was just like stating a fact. Water is blue. Space is black. Sand is coarse, rough and irritating. I love you.

But the words that had once made her light up and blush and giggle and look up at me with big sparkling eyes had no effect, this time, and her face, normally sweet and open, looked tired and closed-off. “Ben, you haven’t spoken to me for weeks. And it was certainly not for my lack of trying. But…it was actually rather helpful for me, because it gave me just what I needed in order to come to the conclusion that…that this probably isn’t right for us. Luke thought so, too. I went to visit him, a few weeks ago, and…”

“Yeah, I know you did,” I cut in quickly, to stop her from re-summarizing that whole saga all over again. “I was there. I overheard.”

She looked stunned. “You were—there?”

“Yeah, I was there,” I said, and it felt kind of good to say so, as if by doing so I was winning some kind of argument—I don’t know what, though. “I just so happened to be visiting the exact same weekend, and I was going over to his office to meet him, and then I overheard you talking to him, and I heard everything the two of you said. Or…most things. I heard what he said to you, anyway.”

Fannie frowned. “…So that’s why you weren’t talking to me,” she said stiffly, then cast her gaze down to her lap. “Well…I hadn’t decided yet, at that point. Not completely. I had decided mostly, but I still wanted to talk to you, first. That’s why I was asking you if we could talk—so that we could figure it out, together. But then, you kept on ignoring me, and left me to decide on my own—so, I was forced to come to my own decision, and perhaps it’s a good thing that I did, because—”

“Wait,” I interrupted, because I needed to know. “Did…did Luke tell you about what happened? Between me and him?”

Fannie looked at me and squinted, a little bit. “No. Why? Did something happen?”

Oh. So she didn’t know. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

Well, that was perfect, I thought to myself. Because—that meant she could hear it from me, instead of from Luke. It meant I could tell the story my way, and, maybe, make myself look a little less bad—

And then, I had a sudden thought:

Maybe it meant I didn’t need to tell the story at all.

Ooh.

Ooooooh.

Snoke? Snoke, was that you?

But, it wasn’t Snoke, and I knew it.

It was Ben. Pure, unadulterated Ben.

“Ben,” Fannie said, breaking through my thoughts, sounding sort of serious and sort of alarmed. “You’re…you’re frightening me. What happened between you and Luke?”

“Well…I talked to him,” I said slowly. “After you left. I didn’t want to freak you out, so I waited for you to leave, and then…then I went, and I talked to Luke.”

I stopped there, trying to figure out what to say next.

“…Yes?” Fannie urged, her eyes boring through me. “And then what happened?”

Well, I didn’t have any time to think. I decided to just roll with whatever started coming out of my mouth first.

“…And then I said, ‘Uncle Luke, I heard what you said to Fannie, and it kinda hurts my feelings, but it totally makes sense, and I really, really respect you for looking out for her.’” I pressed my lips together and looked at her to see how she’d react.

Oh, man. That was such a hot steaming load, even I couldn’t buy it.

Fannie blinked a couple of times, processing this information. (Disinformation?)

“…Okay,” she said slowly. “…And then?”

She…she bought it??

Well, I was really in it now. I couldn’t go back. I could only keep going forward.

“And then,” I went on, floundering for my next words, “he…he told me not to talk to you anymore, and—well—see—that’s why I haven’t been texting you all this time.”

Oh! Okay. Okay. So…not only are we not telling her the story…we are actually telling her a completely new one that we just made up right now. Okay. Okay! Cool cool cool.

“Luke…told you…not to talk to me?” Fannie echoed, looking sort of shocked. “That…doesn’t sound like something he’d do at all.”

Yeah, and there’s actually a really great explanation for that, I thought to myself dryly.

But, I just shrugged. “Yeah, well—he told me he thought you were too attached to me. That you’d be too tempted to start things up with me again. It didn’t really seem right to me, either, but—hey, he’s the Jedi Master, isn’t he? I just…figured he knew best.”

Fannie didn’t say anything back. But, I had her rapt attention, and her big brown eyes looked very big, and very sad.

“It was…really hard not to talk to you,” I continued, looking at her sincerely. (Except, not actually, because that would have required me to, you know, not be lying.) “I really wanted to talk to you. I missed you. A lot. I saw your voice message come in, but I didn’t open it. And then I couldn’t take it anymore, and I finally did open it—like, today, actually—and I heard how awful you sounded, and I couldn’t take it, and I had to come see you.”

You know what’s funny? It didn’t feel like lying. The more drawn-out this whole thing became, the more I actually started to…believe my own version of events. I mean…well…yeah! A lot of the emotions behind it were real, anyway—I really did feel like Luke had wronged us by meddling in our relationship and I really did miss her and I really was glad to see her right now. I sure liked this version of events better than the real version. So…why shouldn’t this version be the real one, instead? And by just…feeding it to her, I could make it true.

For the first time in a long time, I began to feel like everything between me and Fannie was gonna be…okay.

Huh. Who knew? The power to alter reality wasn’t exclusive to an occult Dathomirian magic, or hidden in some secret Sith holocron. No—the power to alter reality lived in my very tongue. And I sealed my new reality into existence with one final little lie:

“Ben…sorry, forgive me, but…are you…are you telling the truth right now?”

I paused, and licked my lips, and said the magic word.

“Yes.”

I could almost imagine a deep, resonant chime, like a deafening gong, rumbling out of my false confession and rippling out and forever altering the entire fabric of the universe and making it all, suddenly, true—

Except, no. It wasn’t that easy. I would have to keep chasing after and mending the tears myself, to keep the fabric of my new little universe from falling apart.

Fannie shook her head like she had a headache. “I…I should talk to Luke.”

“No,” I told her quickly, ready with my needle and thread. “I—well—I don’t want him to know I talked to you. I promised him I wouldn’t. I don’t want him to find out.”

Miraculously, she nodded. But, not as one who was fully awake—she nodded as if she were in a dreamlike trance. I don’t think I was really all that convincing. I think she was just too overwhelmed to really think critically.

That, and I had probably built up enough trust with her by now that she didn’t think I’d just lie to her face.

“This…yes, this changes a lot,” she said, knitting an imaginary scarf with her fingers. “I…Ben, I’m sorry. I misjudged you. I thought—well, I assumed—you’ve had trouble replying to my messages before, so I jumped to conclusions, and—no, I’m sorry. Why would Luke—? I still don’t understand, but—no, this—this changes a lot of things.”

I stood up. Slowly.

And approached her.

And sat down next to her on the bench.

And held my hand out toward hers.

And looked her in the big brown eyes.

She looked at me, and hesitated, then placed her hand in mine.

W-o-w. It had been weeks since we’d last talked. But since we’d been on different worlds since the start of September, we hadn’t touched in months (well, two of ‘em, I guess—but two still counts). Touching her was like touching a live wire. I started—well…feeling things. Things I’d never felt my whole life up until sometime this summer. My heart started pounding—but this was the good kind of heart rate increase.

I think she started feeling things, too.

We looked at each other.

I put my free hand under her chin, and tilted her face up a little, and didn’t look away from her eyes, and brought my face reeeal close to hers till we were breathing each other’s breath, and nuzzled her cheek with my nose, and pressed my lips to her jawline, and drew back and looked her in the eyes again. Just to see what would happen.

Well…we started swappin’ cooties, that’s what happened. And I’m not in the business of writing that kind of stuff, so I’ll just tell you we kept all our clothes on and we still didn’t kiss on the mouth exactly and we never hit any bases but just messed around on the infield like five feet out from the batter’s box and you’ve probably seen worse on middle school campuses anyway—but I’m still skipping ahead regardless.

“No, wait, stop,” she mumbled, muffled by my hair. This was about twenty minutes later. (Maybe? It’s always so hard to tell.) “I—I don’t want to be doing this. I just told you that I don’t want to be with anyone—that I want to dedicate myself to the Force—at least for now.”

I got up off of her and knelt down in the grass and grinned and wiped off my mouth on my sleeve, because I was all slobbery (see, I told ya—I don’t write romance flimsibacks). “With all due respect, Fan? You’re not cut out for celibacy.”

She glared at me as she wiped my spit off her cheek. “I really think that’s my call to make, not yours.”

“Hey, I’m just repeating what you said, sister.”

“What did I say? And when?”

“That whole time I was kissin’ up your neck just now. You were going ‘I’m not cut out for celibacy I’m not cut out for celibacy’ under your breath. I could hear you.” I laughed at her, and she flushed.

“I…I didn’t know you could hear.”

“Well—your mouth was right next to my ear, sweetheart, of course I could hear!”

“Oh.”

I laughed again and kissed her on the cheek. She giggled, embarrassed, and let me do it.

Things almost felt like they used to.

But…they weren’t. Not yet, anyway.

“…No. No.” She detangled herself from me and sat up against the wall and buried her face in her hands. “I…can’t let myself change my mind, just because you’re here. Even if it wasn’t your fault that you weren’t talking to me. No—I made up my mind. I can’t be in a relationship right now. Not with everything going on with Pennie—I’m too vulnerable to unhealthy attachments.”

“Wait—what’s going on with Pennie?” I asked, shuffling over on my knees and sitting next to her. “Besides what you told me last spring?”

When she had told me last spring about her youngest sister’s…relationship with their father, it had taken a long time for her to spit it out, and she had done so amidst heavy sobs. This time, it came out as easily as a breath, and her eyes were dry and hollow.

“Well, Ben: Pentarra has offered to make my sister one of his wives.”

I stared. He had already made her one of his dancers. But…one of his wives?

Ew.

“But…she’s his daughter.”

Fannie nodded.

“That’s…disgusting.”

She nodded again, and nearly smiled—the kind of smile one smiles when life has become so cruel as to be almost humorous. And for a second, I felt horrible that I was—maybe—I don’t know—taking advantage of her current vulnerable state to try to get her to stay with me and be mine—

But then, I reframed it in my head, and felt…not so bad. I wasn’t taking advantage of anything. She needed me—now more than ever. She’d said so herself, in that voice recording. She’d been in a rough place when she recorded it, sure—but, isn’t that when people are at their most honest?

“I am the only one in my family who has been willing to say out loud that this is wrong,” Fannie went on. “Not everyone approves, necessarily—but no one else will speak out against it. My sister hates me, because she feels I don’t think I can make her own decisions. She sees this as her wedding. Everyone is preparing for it as if it were a wedding. Well, it’s no wedding to me—it is merely a perverse charade, and I will not—cannot—honor their false union. I have felt very alone, and I know that right now I am very susceptible to developing an unhealthy attachment—so, I’m sorry, Ben, even if we did share the same beliefs about the Force…now’s just not a good time for me.”

“What is an unhealthy attachment, anyway?” I asked, then.

“An attachment that would cause me to place my trust and hope in it, rather than in the Force,” Fannie explained, almost mechanically. “And I cannot afford distraction at such a crucial time in my life.”

I looked her in the eyes. “But…at such a crucial time in your life, you’d still be alone,” I told her.

She looked out into the distance. “The Force is all I need, Ben. I must remind myself of that.”

“No,” I argued, and reached over and turned her face to look at me. “No. I may not believe all your beliefs, Fan—not with the same level of conviction that you do, anyway—but I do know your beliefs and I know what the Jedi teach. I’ve heard you say so yourself: the Force isn’t a person. It’s an impersonal energy. You could be as close to the Force as Master Yoda himself, and you’d still be all alone, and have no one. The Force doesn’t love you. The Force doesn’t know you. The Force doesn’t give a crap about you—it can’t. When you’re staring at the ceiling and crying your eyes dry in the middle of the night till your ribcage aches and your fingers go numb, the Force will not feel a damn—darn—thing for you. It’s a power you can draw from, a source of supernatural energy, whatever—but at the end of the day? It doesn’t freaking care. Because it can’t. It’s just a thing. Midichlorians, or whatever the frick. You’re gonna place your trust and hope in that? You’d still be alone. All alone.”

She looked like she was about to say something—to pose an argument, or something—but she stopped short. Her eyes widened in a swell of panicked horror and filled with tears, and her hands started to tremble. Her breathing became kind of short and ragged. I could feel her heart opening up and splitting like a huge, raw wound.

Ooh. I’d gotten her good.

And so what if it came at the expense of shaking the very foundations of her most deeply-held religious beliefs? If something couldn’t hold up to a good shaking, was it even worth believing in?

I saw doubt in her eyes. Tasted it in the air all around her. Wondered what Uncle Luke would think of that.

Maybe Luke had been right about me, after all: Ben Solo, corrupter of Jedi.

…Or maybe of just one Jedi in particular.

I reached out, and held both her hands tight in mine to still her trembling. Pulled her a little closer to me.

“Fannie. I’m a person,” I told her slowly, stamping out each word in durasteel. “I know you, and I love you. I could be with you, in all of this. I want to be there for you, and with you.” I laid a gentle kiss on top of her tear-stained cheek. “The Force is great and all, and if you wanna build your life around it, cool—but it’s not a person, it’s a thing. You need a someone, Fannie, not a something. So, all I’m saying is…” I kissed her other cheek, and then her nose. “Let me be your someone. Please.”

She whimpered. I felt it again—the splintering of her heart.

“I…I want to say yes, Ben, I just…don’t know…”

“Fan. Please. I’m not saying this for me. I’m saying this for you.” (This was something I said because it sounded good, not because it was actually true.)

But she shook her head and blinked out some more tears, and I spent several more minutes persuading and a few more minutes cajoling and I even threw in a little begging for fun—still, I couldn’t get her to say yes, and my patience, which you will be surprised to learn I’ve never had in high reserves anyway, began to wear thin.

“Well…think about it,” I said finally, maybe a little rougher than I meant to, turning out from her again and sitting back against the wall. “And—think about it quickly, if you can. I need to get back to Naboo tonight. Tomorrow morning, latest. I just spent the weekend on Kashyyyk with Amalia—”

“You were with Amalia all weekend?” Fannie interrupted suddenly, like she was waking up, her eyes wide. Her lower lip sucked in a little bit.

I blinked at her, trying to figure out what was going on (I’m a little slow like that sometimes), and I was about to go “oh, chill out, it wasn’t anything weird, we just went as friends”—

But…then it occurred to me. That…keeping my mouth shut? Kind of maybe swayed things in my favor.

So…I shrugged a little, kept my cards to myself, and looked at her to see what she’d do.

“…Are you…interested in dating people now?” Fannie asked finally. She bit her lip. “Because, you said before that you weren’t…that you weren’t interested in dating. Just interested in me.”

Oh, so now she was paying attention!

She was right. I had said that. After I’d decided to fall in love with her (because that’s how it had happened for me; I didn’t just fall in love, I had to decide to do it), part of me wondered if it would change how I saw other girls. But, it didn’t. I looked around me and nothing magical had happened and whenever I looked at women I still just saw people. And whenever I looked at Amalia, I almost saw a dude (except in certain select low-light conditions, apparently).

But Fannie didn’t need to know that.

“Weeell…” I said slowly, as if I were thinking through it, when in reality it was already thought out. “Being with you kinda made me realize…that it’s actually sort of nice to have someone around.” Which was true. “And, that I maybe would like to have a partner after all.” Which was true. “And…I don’t know. Amalia and I do get along pretty well.” Which was true.

I looked at her, and shrugged, and checked my metaphorical hand under the metaphorical table, and watched for her next move.

And, oh, wait—there was an ace in here! I whipped that out and laid it down.

“But…if I was gonna be with anyone…I’d really like it to be you…Fa’nakhra,” I whispered, stroking the back of my index finger against her cheek. And I totally butchered her name, I’m sure, but—you know? It’s the thought that counts.

And with all my cards out now, I ended my turn, and waited to see what she’d do.

Well…she folded, that’s what she did. My bluff worked, and the ace clinched it. She folded, and she folded in half, and she laid down in my lap and clasped her arms around my waist and cried and said she didn’t want to be alone—she wanted to be my girlfriend. My girlfriend! So I could finally stop with the whole “girlfriend-not-really-my-girlfriend” thing and just call her my girlfriend now. And yeah, it kinda sucks that she had to come to that decision after the really manipulate-y “what if I dated someone who wasn’t you?” instead of the slightly-less-manipulate-y “let me be your person,” but—hey—I got what I wanted, and that was the important thing to me.

Oh yeah and also getting to be there for her during this trying time—that was important to me, too, of course. Just for the record.

But…I felt like crap for lying to her about me and Luke. And, I felt like crap for kind of goading her into this position. And, I thought to myself, no—wait—if I let this go on, it’s just gonna keep getting worse and worse—I have to nip this in the bud now, or I’m gonna ruin both our lives—so…even though it hurt like hell, I gritted my teeth and pulled her up and looked her in the eyes and said, wait, no, Fan, wait…I’m sorry…this is all just a huge mess…I’ve really screwed things up…I haven’t been fair to you…and I came clean to her about everything—

Except…no, I didn’t, because that whole last paragraph was a giant freaking lie, and I just lied to you exactly like how I lied to her. What I really did was I held her in my arms and I grinned all sweet and I wiped off her tears as she was still crying and said, okay, Fan, it’s official then: you’re my girlfriend! And then I kissed her—not on the mouth, but close enough that the corners of our lips brushed, and guess what, your boi has a girlfriend now, officially.

But—didn’t you wish that it was true? Didn’t you feel happier when you thought it was? Didn’t you like me better two paragraphs ago? Don’t you hate me more now that I told you I lied? Wasn’t that a much more satisfying draft, and wasn’t I a much more likable character?

…Exactly.

See?

I should’ve just let you believe the lie.

#askbensolo #written #dark side points gained #his character is developing backwards #ben better watch his back the fannie stans are gonna kill him in his sleep #all two of them #ben to amalia: ‘what would daddy force think of you punching me in the face?’#ben to fannie: ‘the force isn’t a person and doesn’t care about you’#ben to amalia: ‘you’re jealous because i ended up with fannie instead of you’#ben to fannie: ‘idk if you don’t date me maybe amalia and me…’#jdjdjdjjdjd he’s so toxic help #glad to know even in THIS universe ben’s rizz consists of ‘you’re nothing and nobody cares about you oh wait except for me’#he’s so garbage ARGH #fannie #ben’s diary #ben tells a story #ryloth #the pentarra house #pennie #all in one month he threatened luke with a weapon blackmailed hux into bankruptcy and now manipulated fannie into being his gf #it’s not looking good fam…#is…is my ben worse than canon ben. like his kill count is way lower but he seems…more mal-intentioned

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starlostseungmin · 7 months ago

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now...

reblogging this to my main because why not?

the subtle art of cliche confessions. ksm.

kim seungmin x gn!reader — as aware as you were that life wasn’t like the fictional stories of romance that you enjoyed, a part of you still relished the thought of experiencing it for yourself.

GENRE/S — fluff, humor kinda, maybe fluffy angst but not really, battle of the bands au, lead singer!seungmin, college au, kinda semi-established relationship • 2.5k words

WARNING/S — profanity for humor, some self-deprecation as a result of nervousness but its not that bad, romance is complicated!

( ✒️ ) a gift for @starlostseungmin for successfully completing her big exam 🙇‍♀️🤍 congratulations lovie, you deserve a fluffy seungmin fic !! the ending may be trash im sorry its 1am and i have class in a few hrs

2024 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

“Jisung, I think I’m about to pass out.”

The person mentioned comically froze on the spot, his right hand halting from its previous task of double-checking his electric guitar’s condition. Jisung lifted his head up menacingly to look at the offender—who currently looked like he was seconds away from losing all strength in his legs. Despite the concerning comment, life backstage did not stop for anyone. Crew members were still seen running around like headless chickens, desperately trying to keep the show running smoothly even though they, themselves, were already functioning on greater levels of adrenaline than the performers.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Jisung warns lowly. “Kim Seungmin, you are not about to leave us without a lead singer right now!”

Unfortunately, Seungmin was not kidding. At all.

The loud cheers of the crowd from beyond the stage were deafening. It tells him that the band currently performing before them is doing a great job of keeping the audience entertained. Normally, that would’ve set him on fire to do better; bits of his competitive nature steeling his resolve to outdo the competition. And yet, something seemed to be different in today’s specific battle.

He couldn’t care less about the crowd—no, his mind was only revolving around one thought. Or one person, to be specific.

This makes him blanch once again. “I genuinely feel like throwing up.”

Chan snickers from his position near the dividers set up to create a makeshift waiting room for the performers. “Are you that nervous?” He asked lightheartedly. “Don’t stress about it too much, Min. We all know Y/N is going to say yes.”

Seungmin wanted to believe him. He really did. If anyone were to be asked about his natural demeanor, he was one hundred percent positive that the word ‘rational’ would come up at least once. He knew that the chances of the drummer’s words were the most probable—after all, he did his best efforts to capture your heart over the past year. And yes, Seungmin did also know that you had romantic feelings for him. That was why he was in this situation in the first place.

“If I were them, I would!” Hyunjin chirps, happily tapping on his bass guitar. “Imagine getting asked out by the lead singer of a band in the middle of their set? Anyone would be over the moon.” Seungmin merely scoffs in response.

“Of course you would, Mr. Hopeless Romantic.”

The bassist chokes out an offended noise. “Says the one doing a public confession,” he huffs. “Glad to know you learned a thing or two from those romance movies I pitch in on movie nights.”

“Yeah, well this isn’t fiction.” Seungmin deflates on his seat. Any more, and his band would’ve witnessed a person merging with a plastic chair. Wouldn’t that be a great memory to live with? “This is so cliche. What if they think it’s cringy?”

Jeongin, the keyboardist, shoots him a look full of judgment. “Why are you only second guessing this now?”

“To be fair, you both are already cringy.” Jisung stands up from his seat to stretch, only to receive a glare from the band’s lead singer. He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Just saying. It’s a miracle how long you two went on without an actual label. Everyone knows you two have been practically dating since months ago.”

And to that, Seungmin has no retort. What Jisung said had its truths—even he, himself, didn’t know why it took him so long to ask you to be officially his. It definitely wasn’t a commitment issue; he hasn’t even entertained anyone else intimately ever since he met you. There were even nights where he mentally beat himself up for being a coward about this whole thing, only for him to end the torment by convincing himself it was him going through the courting stage with you.

Not that he even asked, but that was what he was doing. Right?

It’s not his fault you always rendered him speechless. Not too much, of course. He wasn’t that starstruck that he’d make an absolute fool of himself. It was just that you made him really nervous and awfully conscious of himself. The way you talked was like music to his ears, and he swears he could listen to you all day. He finds himself wondering if his own voice ruins this fantasy of his.

You had to have noticed his advances as well. There was just no way that you didn't, with how smart you were. He just didn’t know whether to be grateful or frustrated with the fact that you never said a word about it. What if you were actually uncomfortable with the whole thing and were just too nice to tell him. Oh, he should’ve asked. This is terrible. A massive mistake on his part. An angel like you shouldn’t be forced to be with someone like him.

“What if I’m getting ahead of myself and they don’t actually like me like that?”

Jeongin’s jaw drops. “You have got to be kidding me.” He was going to tease Seungmin further, but something about the look on his friend’s face screamed anxiety, so Jeongin was quick to force his mouth closed. “Y/N does. Have you seen the way they act when they’re with you? Heart eyes, I swear.”

Okay, there’s that too. Seungmin wasn’t blind, nor was he dense. If he didn’t think you were interested in him like this, then he wouldn’t have actively pursued you time and time again. He was confident, not someone who didn’t know their boundaries. And fortunately, you seemed to have wordlessly affirmed that he could get close to you over the months you’ve been talking. He was sure that if you had even expressed the slightest bit of disapproval of his advances, he would have pulled away immediately. As well as reassess the situation right afterwards.

Seungmin sighs. “I just want to do this right.”

“And you will,” Chan says. The drummer gives him a firm pat on the back. “Trust in yourself. We’ll also have your back. Go out there and perform like you always do, just that you have your little plan before the bridge comes in.”

All Seungmin got from that was how you were in the crowd. Right, you were in that crowd. The very same crowd he didn’t give a single fuck about at this moment. You were the only audience he needed, and it both comforted and terrified him to remember that he left you to sit in the very front row earlier before the program started. Just where did all his courage go? The bastard who planned a public confession on their campus festival’s Battle of the Bands competition should be the one present to go through all this.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been this nervous to perform ever.”

Hyunjin hums. “Then that means you really like Y/N!”

“Exactly. We didn’t agree to make a whole new original song for this competition just for nothing,” Jisung adds. “Well, I guess it’s also good publicity for when we actually do this band thing for real. Show the public our sound, you know?”

Seungmin finally begins to breathe easily again. He briefly stares at Chan fiddling with his drumsticks, twirling them around with his fingers to soothe his own nerves about their upcoming performance. After all, this wasn’t just a performance that Seungmin was doing alone. The competition also meant a lot to his other members in their own different ways, yet they still gave their full support to him when he told them about his plan.

He had great friends.

“Stray Kids?” A slightly hoarse voice called out. Seungmin knew the figure as Changbin, someone from the student government. The guy was normally a lot more energetic than this, but he guesses the fatigue must be getting to him from being one of the organizers for this particular event. “You guys are up in a few seconds.”

Well, this is it. Seungmin stands up to get ready, clearing his throat to calm himself. There’s nowhere to run now.

The crowd’s enthusiastic roars never seemed to stop after the previous band’s set ended, and it was beginning to tick you off. Granted, you should have been happy that Seungmin’s band was going to be greeted by a happy crowd, but that also meant that they were subject to pleasing an audience whose hearts were clearly already captured by the performers right before them. And you would be nothing if you weren’t competitive. Biased or not, you would die on the hill believing that Seungmin’s band is better than the others.

They had a national treasure of a voice for their lead vocals, so how could they not be the best?

An amused snort came from your left side. You didn’t have to think too hard to figure out that it came from your friend, Felix. He was probably finding humor in the way your face didn’t spare a single effort to even plaster an indifferent expression. What can you say? You were loyal.

“Alright! I see that all of you enjoyed that wonderful performance from Xdinary Heroes!” The program’s host, Lee Minho, came back out to hype the crowd. It was then that your attention snapped back up to the big stage, your eyes watching like a hawk as Seungmin and his friends settled into the equipment. A bubbling giggle found its way out of your mouth at how Seungmin looked so focused on adjusting the height of his mic stand. “A very unique band name, if I do say so myself. But it does look like the new trend, as all of you here might also find interest in our next band’s name.”

“Seriously,” Felix starts, his tone teasing. “You are so down bad.”

You roll your eyes. “Be quiet. It’s starting.”

“Yeah, sure.” Felix laughs at your reaction. “We wouldn’t want to interrupt your longtime dream of being confessed to by a singer in the middle of a set now, would we?” Your face burned warmly at the accusation.

It was such a cliche thing to happen. As aware as you were that life wasn’t like the fictional stories of romance that you enjoyed, a part of you still relished the thought of experiencing it for yourself. There was a reason why these kinds of events were heavily romanticized in the media—they held their own charm. It just so happened that you agreed to the notion that getting a proclamation of love from a singer on stage was one of the more appealing choices.

Too bad those don’t go too well in real life.

“But it’s—”

“It’s cliche. Yes, you’ve already told me countless times that it’s not as good in real life. But we all have our fantasies, Y/N. No judgement.” Felix shrugs. “Good for you, though. You are one determined person to bag an actual singer. In a band, no less.”

“You are so—”

“—over. Give it up for Stray Kids!” Lee Minho’s booming voice cut you off again, letting you know that the performance was about to begin.

It started off like normal, with Chan using his drumsticks as a countdown before the instrumental started. Except this time, the song was surprisingly unfamiliar to you. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. This wasn’t the piece they practiced when you came over to watch a week ago. You didn’t recognize the song in its entirety either, though it was already proving to be a song that fit right with your tastes. Seungmin’s voice echoing through the space was also adding so much to the experience.

You let the pride you felt at how well he was doing bloom in your chest. It was great to see him shine after going through the rough process of preparation with him. You watched him passionately go through the song smoothly without any mistakes. From the day you first met him until this moment, you’ve witnessed how determined he was to achieve his goals in life. It was then that you knew you’d always be proud of Seungmin, no matter what. You were already the happiest you’ve ever been just by being by his side.

“Did they change their set?” You asked no one in particular.

Felix bops his head to the beat, clearly pleased with the song. “Don’t know the song, but it’s great!”

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t agree with him. Though the sudden change in song choice admittedly peaked your curiosity more than it should have. Your eyes found their way back on stage, as if telling you to simply enjoy the performance now and ask later. But it looks like fate had other plans for you, as your eyes immediately locked with a certain lead singer’s.

He left no argument as to who he was looking at. It was clearly you, and you couldn’t help the way your breath hitched at the way his gaze alone held the answer to the question that lingered in your head. There were sparks of electricity being mimicked throughout your body, sending you into a mild shock. Like a scene from a movie, everything else in the world just seemed to go on mute.

All except his voice.

“Before we proceed to the bridge, I’d like to share something about this song. Would that be alright?” Seungmin spoke to the crowd, despite his attention still obviously on you. You could vaguely hear them answering back to him in interest, positively telling him to go on. It was difficult to miss the way his smile grew at this. Seungmin looked so stunning when he smiled. You always felt like falling in love all over again whenever he did.

The band continued with the instrumental, albeit toning it down as their lead singer continued on. “So this song is actually an original from us.” Oh, that makes so much more sense. “And it was written as my confession to the person I like.”

Wait.

In the fuzz of your brain, you could barely make out Felix jumping up and down in excitement while looking at the scene unfolding before his eyes.

“I’ve been contemplating this for a while, wondering when I’d ever deem it the perfect moment for me to ask the important question,” Seungmin adds. “But I’ve realized that I was just dragging things out too much for my liking. So, to the one who my heart yearns for even through the nerves I’m feeling right now—” You felt overwhelmed at the moment, but you couldn’t seem to take your eyes off the way Seungmin looked at you with such fondness and admiration.

“—Y/N, will you give me the honor to be yours?”

And when your voice sings out the answer, the instrumental starts picking up again as Seungmin finishes the song with newfound fervor. You chuckle your happy tears away, with your friend playfully punching your arm.

“Now, what did I say?”

Maybe cliches weren’t so bad in real life after all.

MASTERTAG ━ STATUS: OPEN — ASK OR COMMENT 🫶

@fairyki @hysgf @euncsace @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @hyunverse @wnbnny @xocandyy @minluvly @moon0fthenight @estellaluna @hanjsquokka @starlostastronaut @minsueng @l3visbby

#falling in love with this fic at first read because it’s totally my type grrrr #okay like how?? ( non-verbatim ) ' how can you go on without label ' ' you were obviously dating for months ' ahh no label enjoyer #cops and robbers chase each other full of energy push me further pulling me closer some sort of chemistry #i think i’m addicted to the title you and me don’t ask what are we ooh ooh i like it baby #now let me be serious ok because this whole thing right here made me giggle #( screams ) like seungmin getting nervous while worrying about this bold public confession bruh i can imagine him #seungmin in a band!?!! like please sign me up ( screams again )#and yes you got it right there i am so down bad for this man you cannot possibly change my mind #i love him with all my heart and i also love the fact that his members are so supportive!!#felix on the other hand loves to tease us like i feel like he’s part of the plan knowing he mentioned the public confession to us tho...#felix what are you on? 🤨#and making a whole new song to perform just for you ( screams again like a dying goat ) a total green flag bro #in the midst of the crowds in the shapes in the clouds i don’t see nobody but you #fuck the crowd kim seungmin you’re so bold for that #but i hope the crowd were supportive and screamed in joy when y/n said yes because that would be so much fun #kim seungmin the man you are!!#thank you so much for this darling i love it <𝟑 #i see where this is going for guitarist jisung right there muwahahaha #ーsfw recs 🫧 !

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