#i think we both want the other person to be happy

[seikosas]

Do it for you | A.A.

synopsis: How can she do for you, what she can't even do for herself?

contains: angst, homophobia, d-slur, Ow*n

pairing: Abby Anderson x Reader, Ow*n x Abby

a/n: based off cellophane by fka twigs!! I hope y'all enjoy.

"all wrapped in cellophane, the feelings that we had."

You were never really used to being the center of attention, the talk of the town. You tried your best to do everything in your power to not let it affect you, but for her, it was like she barely tried for you.

You knew that everyone always preferred Abby with Owen over with you. It's all their eyes say, what their expressions speak. You and Abby were friends before you decided to become something more. It's funny actually, she was the one who wanted to be with you, now it seemed every move she made in your small, prejudiced town, was to make them forget that she's with you. It was successful for her, of course it was. She's always been the town's favorite.

They loved her even more when she was with Owen, “such a beautiful couple”, was all that ever came out of everyone's mouth when they saw the both of them together. And sure, on the outside, they looked like a fairytale. But they didn't know how much it was eating her away, that the person everyone wanted to be with, wasn't who she wanted. And for a while, you didn't either.

“I don't want to be with him,” while your name spills out her lips, like the fountain that flows guilt, every syllable she made to form your name laced with shame, but moreso, hope. “All I want is you. I eat, sleep, work, fuck— even when we fuck you're all I ever think about. And it's eating me alive that It's not you everyone sees me with." You never knew until that moment that she felt this way, that she felt the same.

So you both decided to go against what everyone wanted. I mean, as long as you both had each other it would be enough, it could be. Right? Silly, young, naive. Just fucking stupid. You look back to the time you both were filled with hope that you could change everyone's mind about your 'unnatural relationship’, it's just comedic seeing it now.

Abby was a fucking coward. She promised. She promised that you both would get through this together, she'd do everything for you. But she couldn't even do this for herself. You were both inside her house arguing for what was what, the sixth time this month? It kept happening so often that you lost count. “You don't even fucking show them that I’m yours! You don't look at me when we pass by each other, you don't even hold my hand on the rare occasion that we're fucking walking together. You fucking promised me, Abby!”

“It's not that fucking easy, okay! It's not my fucking fault everyone preferred me with Owen.” Her face shows instant regret, and you just scoff, “so you wanna get back to fucking him or what?” “You know that's not what I mean—” “No. Fuck you, Abby. You don't get to tell me that you want this, want us, then start hiding all because you can't handle the older people in this fucking town to think that their little princess might be hanging out with that ‘homewrecking-dyke’ because she is one” she rebuts quick after you end your sentence, “they don't say that—” “Yeah, Abby. They fucking do. You're just not there to hear it. Not like you ever are.”

She stays silent. You're tired of her silence. Even when it's just the two of you, she can't bring herself to be true to what she feels. You decide to finally walk away from the living room and make your way to the door. But as you reach for the door, she grabs your wrist. You turn around and see tears hanging on to the edges of her eyes, threatening to spill. “I'll do better. I- I’ll hold your hand when we walk, I'll kiss you in front of anyone- I'll show everyone I love you, I don't care about what they think anymore. I just want you to be mine, please.”

How could you say no when she puts it all like that? So of course you pull her in again, feeling a type of happiness you haven't felt since the first month of your relationship, (that was because you kept it a secret in the beginning).

She was truthful to her words that first week. It honestly shocked you. She was so insistent in showing off your guys’ relationship that you started to become the more reserved one. Then she continued the next week, and the next, but weird. She seemed more cold as the days passed by, and then… ah, there it is. Out goes the new, In goes the old.

It was a quite stressful weekend, it was starting to overwhelm you again. The eyes of the people in your town starting to bore holes deeper than usual, the whispers seemingly growing louder, and Abby, growing colder, again. You decided to go to the local bar to get your mind off of things. When you get there you sit next to the bartender asking for the hardest alcohol he has in store. When he places it in front of you, you downed it in a second, then asked for another one. He probably should have told you how strong it was, but that would be bad for business. When you're on your third drink, you finally get up to go on the dance floor. Your body was moving freely, had you been sober you probably would have had more embarrassment in your body. But the alcohol let it all slide away.

Then when you stop for a moment, that's when you see it. Abby and Owen dancing together. Huh, she never took you out dancing. Then as the music grew louder, they got closer, until there was no distance at all. Abby pulls away first, and like an instinct she looks your way. You almost wouldn't have been able to see the blue in her eyes, as they were covered with guilt, shame, and fear.

Had she not cared about what anyone else would think, she probably would have punched Owen, run to you, apologize profusely, probably cry in the process, then laugh a bit, and kiss you until you both had to stop to breathe. But she did care. So, she gave in to the words of everyone, Owen is perfect for her. So she continued dancing with him, as tears fell from her eyes, watching you walk away from the bar, and from her life.

[gguk-n]

Notes & Nitrous (Oscar Piastri x Jeon Jungkook's labelmate!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Face claim- IU

{Jungkook's POV}

Y/N was always nice, that was her personality. She wasn't nice because she wanted to be an idol but she was genuinely nice from the moment I met her. She was the first female solo artist under our label and debuted soon after we did. Those were tough time; while Y/N made a name for herself domestically, we were able to expand internationally which in turn brought more traffic to our company. She would always joke about how we helped her go to concerts overseas. She got along well with the other members too; but there was always something different between us, or so thought.

We were both teenagers when we became trainees. She would always ask us questions and for help and she was the only one who could call me oppa and get away with it. Even the fans noticed how she could call me oppa and no one else. When I think about it, it's mostly because I had a huge crush on her. I was in love with her for years but us dating would be scandalous so we never did, or I never asked.

Everyone treated her like BTS's younger sister. I couldn't imagine it. I wish I had the guts to ask her out.

Y/N was promoting at the same time as I was promoting seven. Going to music shows became exciting because I would find Y/N back stage and we would be goofing off. "Why'd you have to promote seven now?" she whined playfully. "Why?" I asked confused. "I can't win a single time now, until your song stops being nominated" she laughed. "I can stop" I stated. "No, no, oppa, I was joking. The fans love the single; I was just teasing you. I've won enough trophies at this point" she quickly corrected.

We were both done with our promotions and were at the company recording. I had asked her to do a demo for a few of my songs and she was giving feedback on how I could do them. I saw how her eyes sparkled and the way it made my heart beat really fast when she spoke. I found myself staring at her lips, I have no clue what took over me but I suddenly kissed her. She stopped speaking and then I felt it, the sudden push. "Oppa" she screamed. I was shocked, the feeling of her lips still on mine as I traced my lips. "What was that?" she asked. "I...I like you Y/N, so much for so long now" I mumbled. Her shoulders slumped, "I'm sorry oppa but I don't feel that way." she said. "I thought..." I trailed off. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I just hope you will forget this" she said. "Why? Is it because of the dating ban" I asked. "What? NO, Oppa, we are veterans at this point. I just never saw you as anyone but an older brother. Someone to lean on or ask for help" she explained. My heart shattered and I couldn't even say anything. I felt tears prick my eyes. "I'm sorry, I really am. I just hope we can be friends" she begged. "I'm sorry Y/N but I need time. Can you leave?" I asked. "I'm sorry again. I hope we can be friends again" she said while walking out.

y/n.y/l/n

Liked by oscarpiastri and 267,803 others

y/n.y/l/n 3 sold out shows in Melbourne!! Thank you everyone who came. Can't wait to see you guys in Manila next!💗💗

user8 언니 너 너무 예뻐 🥹🥹unnie you are so pretty user9 Love all your shows❤️❤️ user10 Oscar was at that show and I saw him too, I think I can die happy now😭😭 user11 She doesn't have a bad angle🥵🥵 user12😘😘 oscarpiastri 🤤🤤 user13 please behave yourself Oscar🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

{Oscar's POV}

I walked into the McLaren garage for the meeting before the race when Zak introduced me to Y/N Y/L/N. They listened to me and invited her, when did they ever do that, my brain was short circuiting. She raised her hand to greet me, "I'M A HUGE FAN" I blurted out, quickly covering my mouth. She smiled, "I saw, the fans were talking about some Oscar at my show, so I checked and they didn't disappoint" she said winking at me. I could die happy now. "It's nice to meet you, you've helped my fan base expand" she chuckled. I laughed nervously. She turned her attention to Lando who had walked in and spoke to him for a few moments while I watched.

"Mate, you're sweating so much, don't be nervous you drive Formula One cars for a living for fucks sake" Lando joked as he saw me stare at her. "How can I not? She's my celebrity crush" I stated. "Ask her out" Lando said simply. "What? NO?" I denied. "Come on, she was flirting with you since she got here. The worse she could say is no and you will never see her" Lando reasoned. "But..." I stammered. "You wanted to meet her that's why you asked to invite her and now that she's here you won't even shoot your shot" Lando questioned.

So, eventually I did pluck up the courage and walked up to her. She was taking a few pictures when I stood in front of her, "Hey Oscar" she greeted putting her phone away. "Hi. Are you in town for a few more days?" I asked. "yeah, my concerts in a few days" she said. "Would you like to go out with me?" I asked trying to sound as confident as I could be. She smiled, "yes, I would love that" she said. "Great! Then dinner tomorrow at 8?" I suggested. "Done. Can't wait" she commented. I walked to the car with a pip in my step, my celebrity crush just said yes to going out with me.

y/n.y/l/n

Liked by oscarpiastri, mclaren and 890,296 others

y/n.y/l/n First formula one race of my life!! Thank you mclaren for having me🧡🧡

mclaren don't mention it but you should thank our driver tbh😏🤔 user14 no way Oscar suggested to invite her🥹🥹 user15 She looks so good in orange, I could never😘😍😍 user16 that outfit😍😍 user17 Is no one gonna talk about how she changed her outfit at the paddock?🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ user18 I would've fainted if I was Oscar🫣👀👀 landonorris user18 he almost did🫢🫢 user18 landonorris OMG!! YOU RPELIED oscarpiastri we loved having you, come back soon🧡 Liked by the author y/n.y/l/n oscarpiastri I would love to be back if you'll invite me😉 user19 what is going on between Oscar and Y/N?😌🫣 user20 user19 they're just being nice to each other, shut up🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[dalliancekay]

Dearest Good Omens fandom,

I haven't written a letter in a very long time and I have no idea whom it might reach... But I want to thank you. If you are reading this, thank you. Thank you for every fic and every ficlet, every piece of art, every tweet and reblog...every recommendation, every follow...

I've never been a part of a community so funny, so dedicated, so open, so talented, so ridiculous and so kind. (please read the tags)

Today is a year since my little brother died; you'd think these things happen only in films, one moment you are lounging on a holiday, another your mother gets a call that there's been an accident.

I had no idea then, that it will be both, an angel and a demon and the many humans who love them, who will make the next months bearable. Become such a huge part of my life. Many writers attempted to describe grief or what it feels like when someone close to you is gone. I don't think I can even try. I used to think ... I never was the kind of person afraid of death, but then, I never really thought of others dying... and yet, it's as common as birth. It must be. When my grandparents, my uncle died... I was sad but this... feels so wrong.

"Do you have any siblings?" people ask and I freeze.

'I must bring this to P next time I fly hom....oh.'

You may not know and I might never tell you, but your drawing or your painting or your funny meme or tweet or your tiny fic or the 100K+ gorgeous slow burn helped and helped SO MUCH.And also the frankly unbelievable fact that people, real people read words I’ve written and thought they were worth a reblog, a kudos or a comment!

It keeps helping. The talent of the fandom and the talent of the actors and the crew and every little detail we unearth... It's all beautiful and precious and makes me think that if I am still here than I must enjoy it. However silly or childish or weird it might seem to some, being a part of a crazy fandom is what makes me happy. And I am SO glad you are here with me.

May Aziraphale and Crowley bless you and (remember, Crowley did a whole bunch of Azi's assignments, he's pretty skilled at blessings) give you strength to face whatever it is life is throwing at you.

Much love, Kay

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 69: Emily's Lady

Previous > Masterlist

tw: mind control, captivity, blood drinking, character death

October 1925

"Emily!"

"You know her?" said Alexander.

Emily tore her gaze away from Miss Lily, her expression dazed and drowsy as she regarded Oliver. "Hello…?"

"Emily, it's me, Oliver! We were in the auction house together. Don't you remember?"

Her brows furrowed in confusion, as though considering Oliver's words was taking a great effort.

"Oh, that's right, of course you were," said Miss Lily. "I remember now. Unfortunately, she likely does not. I was employed to fade most of her memories as part of her pet conditioning." She stroked Emily's hair with something like a fond smile. "It's okay, Emily, dear, it's nothing at all to worry about."

An empty smile returned to Emily's face as Miss Lily pet her, and a feeling of sick dread pooled in Oliver's stomach. He remembered how hard she had fought, how adamantly she hadn't wanted the vampires to take her mind. Now, she might not even be able to remember the person that she was -- like Miriam, who was lounging on Miss Lily's lap.

But it was one thing to meet Miriam and another thing to have actually known Emily before she'd been enthralled. Before both of them had been enthralled.

"Oliver, dear, please don't stare at Emily like that. You're making her uncomfortable."

"Sorry, sir," he said automatically. Emily did indeed look uncomfortable, fidgeting with her fingers. "I didn't mean to stare, Emily, I was just happy to… meet you again. I hope you've been well?"

She nodded shyly. "I've been very well. My lady is so kind to me."

"And who is your lady?" asked Alexander.

"Lady Jessica, sir."

Fitz groaned. "Oh god, we'd better send this girl away before --"

"Oh, there you are!" The voice was high-pitched and frilly, and belonged to a vampire in an elaborate rose-pink gown, dripping with even more jewelry than Emily was, carrying a hat covered in dried flowers and peacock feathers and netting. "You got away from me. I should have guessed you'd have found Lily here. How are you this evening, Lily?"

"Surrounded by my handiwork as usual."

"And oh!" Lady Jessica rounded the table to advance at Fitz, who looked appropriately alarmed. "If it isn't Fitzwilliam back in town! Why, it's been simply ages since I've seen you last!"

"I see you're still as charming as the first time I met you," said Fitz.

"I do remember that -- I remember when you were just the most adorable thrall. If only I could have gotten my hands on you! You would have been so precious to doll up and coddle."

"Yes, no doubt," said Fitz icily.

"And isn't that the star of the auction house?" Jessica's eyes went wide as she turned to Oliver, and Oliver couldn't help but flinch closer to Alexander. "How absolutely wonderful. I can't help but be jealous that you got to him first." Before Oliver knew what was happening, Jessica was practically on top of him. She smelled strongly of rose perfume and… and…

…and Oliver could hardly think, as though his thoughts were all coated in heavy syrup, thick and sticky. He lolled over into his master's lap, head filled with cottony bliss. Gosh, his master was just so… so… His master was saying something, and his voice was rumbling through Oliver's chest, and he felt like he could just bathe in it for days. Oliver nuzzled his head against his master, and the scent of old books and fireplaces overcame the sickly perfume.

And then, as suddenly as it began, his head cleared and he blinked heavily. Blood rushed to his cheeks as he realized what a fool he had been, rolling about on his master like a playful kitten. He sat up straight. "What just happened, sir?"

"Jessica's proximity robs humans of their mind," said Alexander casually, apparently unbothered by Oliver's unseemly behavior.

"He responds to it so well!" Lady Jessica was on the other side of the table now, next to Emily, giggling. "That poor thing worries far too much for a thrall, I can tell. I don't know why you don't have Lily take some of those worries away for him."

Oliver's breath caught. "No -- no thank you, sir," he said, dearly hoping that Lady Jessica wouldn't convince Alexander to leave him in an embarrassing stupor for good.

Alexander pulled Oliver close once more, and Oliver could feel the reassurance rolling off him. "I'll tend to my thralls as I see fit, thank you."

"Of course, of course!" she said. "I'm just surprised that you brought such a precious thing along with you to the Tiger's Eye, after what happened to Lord Edgar."

"Hold on, what happened to Lord Edgar?" said Lily, interest piqued.

"You don't know? I'm shocked! Well, I'm not shocked that Lord Alexander didn't know, reclusive as he is, but I thought you heard everything about everyone, Miss Lily."

"Well, that just means that you get to be the first to tell us."

"Yes, I want to hear this, too," said Alexander, leaning in.

"It's only been the talk of the town, darlings. It isn't every day that a vampire of Lord Edgar's stature is reduced to dust."

"Dust!" said Lord Alexander. "You must be joking."

"I can tell you all about it!" Jessica looked very happy to have an excuse to gossip. "Here, pet, amuse yourself while the vampires talk." She pulled a pad of paper and some crayons from her purse, handing them to Emily, whose face lit up as though she'd been handed a great prize. She curled up in a ball between Lady Jessica and Miss Lily, happy as a clam to draw in the notepad.

"So anyway, you know how Lord Edgar would frequent this place, drinking far too much and bragging about this and that. He brought one of his thralls, the short one, I'm not sure if you remember her, but…"

Lady Jessica continued to chatter about vampires Oliver had never heard of, and he couldn't focus. His train of thought kept straying to Emily, occupied in simple crayon drawings like a child. She must be around Lady Jessica's mind-melting influence all of the time, and between that and Miss Lily erasing her memories, she didn't seem to have much of a mind left.

Did she realize that anything was wrong? Her expression seemed to indicate that she didn't. He hadn't thought anything was wrong when he'd fallen under Lady Jessica's power moments ago, either, perfectly content to frolic in his master's lap.

That could have been him.

Although Oliver's memories of the night of the auction were something of a blur, he remembered Lady Jessica now. He'd met her when he was on display, calling him a pet and making him act like a puppy. If Alexander hadn't bid on him, hadn't gotten into a bidding war with Lord Jameson, perhaps it would have been him sitting there coloring, mind as empty as a child's, with no inkling that anything had ever been different.

And who's to say he hadn't been changed?

Oliver thought that his memories were intact and that his personality had only been altered to serve his master -- but would he even know about any part of him that had been stolen without a trace?

It wasn't something he had thought about much ever since he'd arrived at Alexander's. Alexander, whose song so effortlessly subdued Oliver's mind. Alexander, who had instilled such a deep sense of loyalty within him. Alexander, who was still a dangerous vampire in every way.

"I'm not surprised," Fitz was saying. "He was far too cocky for his own good. It was only a matter of time before a hunter got the drop on him."

"What a thing to say!" Jessica chided. "I know you had your differences, but surely he didn't deserve that."

"But how could a vampire hunter get so close to Lord Edgar?" Alexander said. "I've never known a human who could keep their will intact when he starts his enthrallment."

"That's what everyone is wondering," said Lady Jessica, with the tone of voice you might use to tell a ghost story around a fire. "No hunter has ever posed a serious threat to Lord Edgar before. Some vampires think it might have been the witch that Lady Evelyn claims to have encountered -- a witch who can make herself immune to enthrallment."

"A witch, you say?" Alexander leaned forward with keen interest.

Lady Jessica laughed. "Really? I didn't think you would be the type to believe in stories like that."

"It's not just a story," Alexander insisted. "There are many accounts of witches who have wards against vampires. It's a very real possibility."

"If you say so!"

A witch who could resist enthrallment, who was killing vampires… if such a person existed, they'd be a grave danger to his master. The thought of Alexander being killed before his eyes was enough to shake Oliver from his vague concerns about his master's enthrallment. Even if he had been altered in ways he couldn't perceive, even if Alexander wasn't really as kind as he seemed, Oliver couldn't bear the thought of seeing him killed.

"I'm deeply sorry for the delay, sirs. Here are your refreshments." The waitress had returned with a tray of drinks, and she placed a glass of deep red wine in front of his master.

"Be a dear and top up my champagne, won't you?" said Lady Jessica, handing the waitress a flute. "We should really be talking about more pleasant things than hunters. After all, I don't think I've properly shown off my new thrall!" She placed her hand on Emily's head, and Emily looked up with a submissive smile. "Isn't she just absolutely lovely? She looks like a picture in a magazine. And she's so quiet and docile, too! I'm obsessed."

She hadn't been quiet and docile before Miss Lily enthralled her, that much Oliver was sure of. And she certainly didn't seem like the type who wanted to look like a picture in a magazine.

"I'm very pleased with how she turned out. I knew she would be worth the training when she arrived in the auction house," said Miss Lily. "I do hope you keep her longer than your usual habit."

"Oh, Lily, you know I simply can't bear to keep a thrall longer than is fashionable! Not all of us get so attached to our thralls as you and Alexander," she said with a laugh. "Besides, when the time comes, I'm sure she'll do quite well on the secondhand market."

"Secondhand market?" said Oliver in horror. All eyes at the table turned to him.

"Nothing you need to worry about, Oliver," said Alexander.

But it was too late. All of his dread and rumination was bubbling up inside him, along with an emotion that had become so divorced from him that it felt alien -- anger. "How could you?" he said. "You had Emily's memory wiped, you made her into a shell of her former self, all just for your pleasure, and then you'd just discard her when you get bored? How could you treat her that way?"

"Oliver," his master warned, and there was a note of control in it, inducing Oliver to shut his mouth.

Lady Jessica's face twisted into a sour mask. "Lord Alexander, you really do need to keep a better leash on your thralls. We all know you're more than powerful enough to control them effortlessly. It's unseemly to allow them to disrespect their betters like this." Oliver didn't miss her pointed glance to Fitz, who was watching the situation with great amusement.

"Oliver is free to say as he pleases," said Alexander, and this time the warning was directed towards Lady Jessica.

"I just never understood that," said Lady Jessica dismissively. "Thralls are such precious and delicate things. They need discipline to keep them in line. It's not healthy to be so permissive."

"Listen, Jessica," said Miss Lily, intervening before Alexander could open his mouth again. "If you ever do get tired of Emily, do let me know. I can make sure she goes to a good home, or perhaps keep her myself."

The fake-sweet smile returned to Lady Jessica's face. "You're all so sweet when it comes to your thralls. It's so charming." She downed the rest of her champagne and stood up, swaying slightly, pulling Emily up after her. "Well, I had better mingle with the rest of the crowd. The night's still young, you know!"

Lady Jessica wasn't even out of earshot before Fitz laughed uproariously, leaning over to clap Oliver on the shoulder. "Excellent work! I thought she'd never be driven off."

"You shouldn't encourage that sort of behavior," said his master.

"Why not? You didn't mind when it was me."

"I suppose I didn't."

"I'm sorry to have embarrassed you, sir," said Oliver. "I just can't bear to see Emily like that."

"It's all right, Oliver, I'm not cross with you. I also find her practice of discarding her thralls abhorrent. But I've known her for a long time, and her mind is thoroughly made up, so I try to keep the peace."

Oliver thought that this was the kind of difference of opinion that shouldn't be smoothed over so easily, but the fire within him was already quenched, so he swallowed it. "I understand, sir."

"And that's nothing you ever need to worry about yourself. I would never give you over to the secondhand market, not for any amount of money. You'll always have a place in my home."

"Thank you, sir." Oliver did believe him. He remembered the fierceness in Alexander's voice when he told him he'd never let him go.

"I have the blood you ordered, sirs," said a waitress. She was holding onto a leash attached to a man who was wearing nothing more than a collar. He stared straight ahead, unblinking, and there were scars from bites all over his neck, arms, and thighs.

"None of us ordered any blood," said Miss Lily, as casually as can be.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sirs! I must have the wrong table!" She bowed and led the poor man away.

That could have been him, too, if he had been caught by a different vampire, if he'd had worse blood…

"Lex, look!" said Fitz. "Did you see what that vampire is wearing? I can't believe he walked out like that in public!"

Oliver certainly couldn't concentrate on any of the idle gossip about the Tiger's Eye patrons, not when he was so keenly reminded that he was still merely a defenseless human in a den of hostile vampires.

---

"Oh, that was so much fun!" Lady Jessica was slurring her words. "I had so much fun. Did you have fun? I had fun."

"Fun," Emily repeated in her daze. Her lady's aura was filling the carriage, and Emily's thoughts were slowed to a crawl, on top of her lady's drunkenness making her feel dizzy.

Usually, she would just let go to the sensations, not bothering to fight the stupor, but tonight, for some reason, her thoughts refused to stop. There was something bothering her. Something important.

Her lady had talked about giving her away when she was done with her. Emily knew that, though. Her lady had been very clear on that point, often using it as a threat when Emily misbehaved.

No, that wasn't it. This was something new.

That thrall knew her name. That thrall knew her. His name was Oliver. That seemed important. Why did he know her?

"I was thinking, maybe we could arrange a playdate between you and Alexander's thrall," Lady Jessica said, as though she could read Emily's thoughts. Perhaps she could. "He lives just a block away, you know. You'd set a good example for him, and I could silence that poor thrall's mind for a bit. I feel awful for him, having so much fear when he should just enjoy serving."

"This one would like that, my lady!" said Emily. "Please."

"Yes, I will do that, then. I'll have to call on that stuffy Alexander and ask him."

Emily knew that her lady usually didn't follow through on things that Emily wanted, so she shouldn't raise her hopes about this, but she really did want to see Oliver again, especially when her lady wasn't around and she could think a bit more. Maybe then she could remember how he knew her.

The carriage came to an abrupt halt, the horse making a distressed sound. "What is that?" said Lady Jessica irritably. "Keep moving, I wanna go hooooome."

There was no response from the coachman.

"Ugh, I have to do everything myself. Stay here, dear." Lady Jessica stumbled drunkenly out of the carriage.

"Oh, a hunter. How very precious," said her lady, and Emily sat up at attention. "Why don't you come closer, sweet girl. Come closer, that's it. Such a good girl. Such a --"

Silence. Emily strained her ears to hear. Had her lady killed the hunter? Her mind felt so much more clear all of a sudden, as though a fog was lifting.

Footsteps approached the carriage, and the door swung open.

It wasn't her lady. It was a stranger, a woman with a leather vest and weapons strapped all over her body. Emily screamed and backed away, fumbling for the latch of the other door.

"Wait!" The stranger grabbed her wrist. "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

Emily tried to comprehend the situation in front of her, and to her surprise, she found that she could. "You're… you're that hunter, aren't you? The hunter who can resist enthrallment?"

"Oh, you've heard of me!" she said with a grin. "My name is Vivian. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to rescue you."

"You killed my lady," said Emily numbly. She should feel bad about that. She should cry and rend her hair. But for some reason she felt only a vague sense of relief.

"I did, but I only kill vampires. Never people, and never thralls." The stranger looked her in the eye. "You still have some of your mind left, don't you? I think I can help you."

"Help me…" Thinking felt so much easier than it had just moments ago, but she still felt slow and muddy. "Yes, please help me."

"I will. I'll help you. You're free now."

"I'm free." The word tasted like sunshine.

Previous > Masterlist

Freedom for now.

Next week, everything goes wrong for Fitz.

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[rootedinrevisions]

Unplanned Journeys: Part 3

SUMMARY: You and Jake decide on a name for your son. You take him home from the hospital. And together you survive the first night home together.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to the Anon who sent the request for this in! I hope you enjoy it! Also, as of right now, this is the last part I plan on writing for this story. However, down the road, I may decide to add more to this! I'm kind of undecided on if I want to continue this story or not.

WARNINGS: Fluff.

WORD COUNT: 2.5K

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87 I @fanficmom94 I @smoothdogsgirl I @djs8891 

If you would like to be added to my Tag List please feel free to comment, send an ask, or send a DM and I'll be happy to get you added!

Later that day, the hospital room felt peaceful, a serene bubble away from the whirlwind of the morning. You had cleaned up, the lingering exhaustion of labor still present but softened by the warmth of your baby cradled in your arms. Jake sat beside you, his presence a steady comfort. One arm wrapped around your shoulders, while his other hand gently stroked the tiny head of your son as if trying to absorb every detail of this new life.

“Can you believe we actually did it?” you murmured, glancing up at Jake, who wore a soft smile, his eyes shining with pride.

“Yeah, we did,” he replied, his voice low and filled with awe. “He’s incredible.”

You looked down at the baby, his tiny features still scrunched from his journey into the world. “I think he looks like a little you,” you joked, grinning. “Maybe we should just call him Jake Jr.”

Jake chuckled, a deep, rich sound that filled the room. “I’m not sure Jake Jr. quite fits,” he replied, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “What about Jameson? You know, after my grandfather? I know we had talked about it before.”

You nodded, considering it. “Jameson has a nice ring to it. We could do Jacob Jameson Seresin or Jameson Jacob Seresin. But what if we gave him a nickname? JJ could work”

“I love it,” Jake said, leaning closer. “JJ it is. That way, he gets the family name, but he can be his own person, too.”

You smiled at the thought of your son being named after such an important figure in Jake’s life. “Jameson Jacob Seresin, but we’ll call him JJ,” you said softly, testing the name on your tongue. “I think it suits him.”

Jake leaned in, brushing a tender kiss on your forehead. “You’re going to be the best mom, you know that?” His voice was filled with warmth, and you could feel the sincerity behind his words.

“And you’re going to be the best dad,” you replied, your heart swelling with love.

You both glanced down at JJ, who had finally settled, his little chest rising and falling in a peaceful rhythm. Jake’s hand moved to cup the back of your head as he pulled you closer, and you felt a wave of contentment wash over you.

“I can’t wait to show him everything,” Jake said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I want to teach him how to fly, how to be brave. But most of all, I want him to know how much he’s loved.”

Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes, overwhelmed by the weight of his words and the depth of his commitment. “He will know, Jake. You’re already such a good dad,” you replied, feeling the bond between you grow stronger with every heartbeat.

As you settled into the moment, the three of you formed a new little family, bound by love and shared dreams. The outside world faded away, leaving just the two of you and your son, the future stretching ahead like an open sky.

* * * * *

The hospital room felt like a distant memory as you sat in the wheelchair, a mix of exhaustion and exhilaration coursing through you. JJ was bundled up in his car seat, the small bundle of joy so new and precious. You watched as Jake walked ahead of you, the epitome of proud fatherhood. He had a diaper bag slung over one shoulder, and in his other hand, he carefully held the car seat, cradling your son like the precious cargo he was.

Jake’s strides were confident, but there was a softness in the way he moved as if he were fully aware of the fragility of the moment. He glanced back at you over his shoulder, and when your eyes met, a smile broke across his face—one filled with joy and determination. In that instant, all your worries melted away.

This is it you thought, your heart swelling as you took in the sight of him. This wasn’t how you had envisioned your life unfolding, but as you watched Jake navigate the bustling hospital corridor, you knew deep down that you wouldn’t change a thing.

“Ready to go home?” he called out, his voice light and teasing, though you could hear the pride lacing his words.

“More than ready,” you replied, your smile widening.

As you made your way toward the exit, the world outside felt like a fresh start. The sun streamed in through the glass doors, illuminating the path ahead. You could see the car waiting, the backseat prepared for JJ, and a wave of excitement washed over you.

Once outside, Jake carefully secured the car seat into the base that he had installed in the backseat of the car a few weeks ago. His focus was intense, and you admired how he took this responsibility so seriously. He maneuvered the car seat with ease, securing the straps with a tenderness that made your heart flutter.

“Okay, all set!” he announced, standing back to admire his handiwork.

Jake turned to you with a soft smile. “Let me help you in.”

You nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude. As you transferred from the wheelchair to the backseat, Jake's hands gently guided your waist, ensuring you were comfortable.

“There you go, babe,” he said, helping you settle next to JJ. His presence felt reassuring, and you smiled at him as you adjusted yourself, now sitting close to your son.

He leaned in towards you, checking on JJ with a proud look. “You ready for this, little man?” he murmured, his finger brushing over JJ’s tiny hand.

You leaned forward, watching the scene unfold before you—a proud father, ready to embrace the journey ahead. As he started the engine, he turned to you with that same radiant smile. “You ready for this, babe?”

You nodded, feeling a surge of hope and happiness. “Absolutely. Let’s go.”

With that, you drove off into the unknown, but this time, you felt ready to embrace every moment together as a family.

The drive home was quiet, filled with a mixture of awe and exhaustion. Jake kept glancing at you in the rearview mirror, his eyes soft as you sat beside your newborn son in the backseat. The early spring sunlight poured in through the windows, casting a warm glow over your little family as you pulled into Jake’s driveway.

“Home sweet home,” Jake whispered, his voice filled with a mix of pride and tenderness as he parked the truck.

He quickly got out and came around to help you out of the car, his strong hands gentle as they supported you. You felt the lingering soreness from the delivery, and Jake noticed your wince, instantly shooting you a look of concern.

“Take it slow, babe,” he murmured, his hand never leaving yours as you stepped onto the driveway.

You smiled softly, appreciating his care. “I’m okay. Just still getting used to… everything.”

Jake grinned, leaning in to kiss your temple. “You’ve been amazing. Both of you.”

He carefully removed JJ’s car seat from the base, holding the carrier in one hand while his other remained on your lower back, guiding you gently toward the house. You both stepped inside, the space suddenly feeling so much more meaningful now that your little family had grown.

“Welcome home, little man,” Jake whispered to your son as you crossed the threshold, his voice laced with emotion.

You followed him into the living room, where sunlight filtered in through the windows, casting a soft light over everything. Jake set the carrier down and knelt beside it, unbuckling the tiny straps with a gentleness that made your heart swell. He carefully lifted your son, holding him close against his chest. You could see the nervous pride in Jake’s movements, the careful way he cradled your newborn as if the entire world was in his arms.

Jake settled onto the couch, laying back against the cushions with your son resting on his chest. His hand gently supported the baby’s back as he reached for a soft blanket and draped it over the two of them, making sure your son was comfortable and warm. The sight of Jake like this—tender, protective—made your breath catch in your throat. The somewhat hardened aviator you had once known was now a father, and seeing him like this stirred something entirely new in you.

You stood for a moment, just watching them, the two people you loved most in the world completely at peace together. Jake’s thumb brushed across your son’s tiny back, his eyes fixed on the baby’s small, delicate features.

“He’s so small,” Jake whispered, a mixture of awe and disbelief in his voice.

You smiled, sitting down on the edge of the couch next to them. “He’s perfect.”

Jake looked up at you, his eyes filled with a love that was almost overwhelming. “You did so good, you know that?” he said quietly. “I can’t believe how lucky I am. We are.”

The softness in his words brought tears to your eyes, and you leaned in, pressing a kiss to Jake’s forehead. “We’re a family now.”

Jake’s hand reached out, taking yours and gently squeezing. “Yeah,” he murmured, his eyes full of emotion. “And I’ll always be here, for both of you. I promise.”

You nodded, the weight of his words sinking in. Watching him with your son, so tender and protective, you felt a surge of love for him that was different than anything you’d felt before. This wasn’t just the man you loved—it was the father of your child. The person who would stand by both of your sides no matter what.

As the afternoon light dimmed, you curled up beside Jake on the couch, your head resting on his shoulder, the baby’s soft breathing the only sound in the room. You didn’t need words in that moment. Everything you could possibly want was right here in this quiet, beautiful moment—the love of your life, and the new life you’d created together.

* * * * *

That first night at home felt like stepping into a new world—everything was the same, yet completely different. The house was quiet, the only sound being the soft rustle of blankets and the occasional sigh from your newborn, JJ. After a peaceful afternoon, the day began to settle into dusk, and it was time to get JJ ready for bed.

Jake had taken the lead, gently cradling your son as he moved around the nursery, getting him changed and into his little pajamas. You watched from the doorway, a soft smile playing on your lips as Jake spoke in a low, soothing voice to the baby.

“There we go, buddy,” Jake whispered as he fastened the last snap on JJ’s onesie. “All clean and cozy for your first night home.”

He lifted JJ carefully into his arms, cradling him close to his chest as he swayed from side to side, the motion slow and calming. You could see the concentration in Jake’s face, the way he moved with such care and gentleness. It was a side of him that you loved seeing—a side that was still new and yet felt so natural.

Jake carried JJ over to the bassinet, gently lowering him into it as you watched from the bed. Your heart swelled, the sight of Jake as a father stirring up emotions you hadn’t fully anticipated. He leaned down, brushing his lips over the baby’s forehead before whispering, “Goodnight, little man. Sleep tight.”

He turned to you with a soft smile, his eyes filled with love. “Your turn,” he teased quietly, sliding into bed beside you. He wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close as you both lay there, watching your son drift off to sleep.

The room was bathed in soft moonlight, peaceful and quiet. For a moment, it felt like everything might stay that way.

But then, not long after you’d both drifted off, you were startled awake by the sound of JJ’s soft cries filling the room. You stirred, instinctively moving to get up, but Jake was already ahead of you, his hand on your arm as he sat up.

“I’ve got it,” he whispered, his voice low and reassuring. “You rest.”

You nodded sleepily, sinking back into the pillows as Jake quietly climbed out of bed and made his way to the bassinet. You watched through half-lidded eyes as he scooped JJ up, rocking him gently as he whispered calming words. The crying began to ease, and Jake’s rhythmic movements soon lulled your son back to sleep.

Jake settled JJ back into the bassinet, then returned to bed, sliding under the covers and pulling you close again. His warmth enveloped you, and you drifted off once more, comforted by the thought that Jake was right there, taking care of things.

But it wasn’t long before the cries filled the room again. You stirred, but Jake was already on his feet, scooping JJ up with a sigh that was equal parts love and exhaustion.

He cradled your son, pacing the room as he hummed softly, but after a while, the baby’s fussing didn’t let up. You heard Jake sigh again, this time with a bit of frustration as he glanced back at you.

“I think he’s hungry,” Jake said softly, his eyes filled with reluctant defeat. “I tried everything else, but there’s only so much I can do.”

You smiled at him, your heart swelling with appreciation as you sat up in bed. “It’s okay,” you said, reaching for JJ as Jake carefully handed him to you.

The soft glow of the nightlight bathed the room in a warm, dim light as you settled JJ against you, guiding him as he began to nurse. The fussing quickly subsided, replaced by the quiet, rhythmic sound of your baby feeding. You looked down at him, marveling at how small and perfect he was, his little hands resting on your chest.

Jake sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving you as he watched the quiet, intimate moment unfold. There was a new kind of admiration in his gaze, something deep and tender that hadn’t been there before. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “Watching you with him... I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I love you even more.”

You felt a lump rise in your throat, the weight of his words sinking in. You turned your head slightly, catching his eye as he looked at you with a mixture of awe and love that took your breath away.

“I couldn’t do this without you,” you whispered back, your voice just as emotional.

Jake smiled, his hand resting on your leg as he shook his head. “You’re the best mom to him. There’s no one else I’d want to be here with.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you leaned into him, your heart so full it felt like it might burst. The night was far from easy—there would be many more sleepless nights ahead—but in that quiet, dimly lit room, you realized that together, you and Jake had created something truly beautiful. And no matter how hard it got, you knew you’d never have to do it alone.

[helinshi]

LOVESICK!satoru x LOVESICKANDSWEET!reader pt2

pt.1 ‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅

๛ ๋ ׅ ˖ ꕮ fluff,angst,happy ending,cursed words,crying,first love,first kiss, misunderstandings,Christmas,sukunas a bad guy,satoru gets hurt,satorus just a baby. ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

a/n: english isn't my first language sorry if i made any mistakes:) and all the credits goes to the owner of these art i used here!

next day was going well,until satoru saw you giving sukuna notes again..the cracking feelings all hitting him like a slap in the face. What can he say? You weren't the type of person who'd shoo away someone who just wanted some notes from you. Satoru didn't said anything about, spending his time with you and teasing you as always because he loves how you laugh at his stupid jokes, gripping his amr whenever your somewhere crowdy with him. not to mention that he had noticed that you don't hesitate to drink water by the side of the cup he drank from. Yet the thought of you still talking with sukuna bothered him to no end. Everyday when he came to school and sees you talking to sukuna or giving that bitch notes made him wanting to punch the smirk off sukunas face. since the Christmas party was near, satoru as always already had decided to go to the party with you,and you had decided the same. So when he sees sukuna pining you against the locker room asking you to go to the party with him satoru's heart sinks in his stomach. He knew you'd say yes.. because you rarely rejected people because you were too weak to be rude like that. He just walked away from there saying nothing. That night he cried thinking that he might lose you to sukuna and his first love might be left incompleted. Little did he knew he was your first love and crush too. Few days passes like that and for the first time satoru avoides you, making you confused why did he said no to you wanting to lunch with him together, doing homework with you. You were done with this. So much.

(next day at school)

You approached satoru at lunch break,so when he looked at you his eyes have dark circles from no sleeping. "Satoru,can we talk?" You asked. Hoping that he will say yes. And he did,how could he not when you hand has grabbed his so softly and gently, looking at him with those cute eyes of yours. Almost making him forget that he was avoiding you,he lets you drag him by his hand to the corner of the school stairs, making sure there was no one.

"why are you avoiding me?"

"...."

He frozed, looking at you nervously and mindlessly getting his hand out of your grip. Your heart cracks seeing him acting like this,he had never took away his hand from you like this. Instead his arm had always wrapped around your shoulder, letting you stay close to him,your most safest place. Satoru sighs before speaking. His heart beating rapidly.

"you like sukuna dont you? Your going to the Christmas party with him right?"

"..."

You stare at him dumbfounded,a pout on your lips trying to register what he said,you and sukuna? How could he even imagine you dating sukuna, your just a normal girl and sukuna's a player who always dates new girls every month or even less than a month. You sigh looking at his angelic face

"you saw him asking me to go to the Christmas party with him right?*

Seeing satoru nod you smile softly

"i would never. How could you even think I'll go to the party with him? I don't wanna end up like other girls who ends up getting her heart broken after dating him. You know i always go to the party every year with you?

wrapping your arms around him pulling you into a comforting hug,tears were already running down satoru's face in happiness and over him being a dumbass like you. It didn't take too long for him to confess his love for you. making you both end up giggling and sharing your first kiss with him sitting on the stairs of karaoke on the day of Christmas.

[androgynouscomputerthing]

this post is a repost of an amazing reddit post by u/throwaway6372801 on the r/MoDaoZuShi subreddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MoDaoZuShi/s/GeHsDKCFON

Growing up in a Chinese brothel and how it may relate to Jin Guangyao/Meng Yao as a character

Just to start off I would like to preface that I’m not excusing his crimes, only putting in perspective parts of his character that I personally resonate with based on similarities. I will start off discussing how brothels and debts tend to work, especially involving children.

I will not be releasing where I grew up nor my name due to privacy reasons as I have somewhat personal information about myself on this account, despite its name.

But in short, I grew up in a brothel in China with my mother. She worked as a prostitute out of desperation and debt, which I ended up also helping with.

Debt was accumulated through food, housing, water, electricity, makeup, clothes, anything that we were unable to pay for ourselves and had to ‘take out a loan’ for. Things necessary for my mother to work, such as makeup, also fell into this category. This is not to mention baby items which were even more expensive and often times couldn’t be stretched out to last as long as other items.

Your co-workers are not your friends. You may both be in this situation, you may both have children, but if you cannot afford it, kindness is not an option. You have to be callous to survive.

On the same subject, politeness is a sought after commodity. If you can have a convincing smile, laugh, anything of the sort. Lying as well, if you can’t convince the man about to rape your child that they can’t because you would be ‘jealous’, you and your child are cooked.

Selling a child isn’t uncommon either. If someone has a particularly low-paying client who happens to be ugly or undesirable, they may offer the nearest person to them, not uncommonly a child that’s either their or one of their co-workers’.

Being a woman in a brothel is not a ‘women supporting women’ place. It is survival. And yes, some people are just evil, and will try and sell the child of a better paid co-worker than work themselves.

It doesn’t matter how pitiful you look, though it can help, you cannot stop it.

Onto Meng Yao. I will be calling him that since at this point in his life, he was indeed called Meng Yao.

We see when Wei Wuxian performs Empathy, that he goes into the body of Anxin. We as the readers get a glimpse into Meng Yao’s childhood at the brothel. It’s brief, and mostly focuses on the event of his mother, Meng Shi, being dragged naked into the streets, with himself after (fully dressed). Sisi comes to their defence.

But what I think that most people forget is that earlier, Anxin tries to sell Meng Yao to a customer. Not an uncommon thing to see in a brothel sadly.

We as the readers also are aware of Meng Yao’s signature ‘customer service smile’. This is pretty common with people in the customer service industry. Where you have to keep people happy to keep them from screaming at you. I have no doubt that this is likely a learned behaviour from his childhood at the brothel. All my fellow brothel brats, as well as myself, default to it as well.

Another response is possibly immediate lying/not taking fault in a situation where you are obviously at fault or have been caught red-handed. Think the scene of Meng Yao stabbing the Jin Captain and being caught be Nie Mingjue. Reading this scene, it always felt more like when a child drops a plate and immediately points to the dog to avoid punishment. While the child was clearly at fault, they took the blame off of themselves in an act of self-preservation. I’m not claiming that he was right here, just that his response makes sense to me. I have found myself and many others with a similar background doing it as well.

Well, that was definitely long. I don’t want to come off like I’m ridding Meng Yao of all his faults. I’m only trying to shed light on how some of his responses to things make sense given his upbringing, as well as maybe give people an insight as to how horrible brothels can be, especially to children.

If your mother is the only kind person to you, she is your whole world.

In addition, prostitution is often called ‘the first profession’ or ‘the oldest job’. I think this rings very true. Much of the practices mentioned have been practiced for centuries and likely will continue to be practiced for centuries to come.

If anyone decided to sit through and read everything, thank you. I would also like to apologise in advance for any grammatical or spelling mistakes, English is not my first language. I’m pretty all over the place here so apologies for that as well.

Edit: I forgot to mention the disgust and prejudice that people hold to this day. Meng Yao serving tea and it being seen as ‘tainted’ is a sentiment still somewhat held to this day. Same with him not being allowed to hold Jin Ling due to his perceived ‘dirtiness’. It’s something that is sad but true, and follows people for their entire lives. You will never be clean, due only to the circumstances of your birth and childhood, as well as a desperate attempt to survive. Prostitution is not something people aspire to achieve generally. If they do, they likely don’t understand the long term effects and social stigma that isn’t just limited to you.

Edit 2: Safety is another huge thing, especially for formal brothel brats. Safety comes with power. I’m not excusing Meng Yao’s use of getting power, he definitely used certain means that I don’t agree with. But especially growing up in that setting safety = power. I was given the advice many times growing up to cling to a powerful man in hopes that I become his wife, as that would grant me safety and stability. Many of the children I grew up with ended up working alongside their mothers or turning to drug dealing and criminal activity, which in turn gave them power. I think that what we learn growing up has a huge impact on people as adults. It can be very difficult to unlearn these associations.

Last edit, more of an update: I would like to thank everyone and extend that thanks on behalf of my mother. We are both doing well now. We have both come to America and I have started my own family in the past few months. She has a new job and recently moved. She’s very happy and has many friends here. Thank you all for your kindness and well wishes. Have a lovely day!

screenshots of the original post as well as my messages. cut off, but she did approve this post.

[groovebunker]

i’m gonna be obnoxious about this and people are just going to have to be cool about that. yes? good.

happy birthday to what would you do (if they ever found us out) (affectionately known as wwyd)!!! a year ago today, i posted chapter one and (i’m not being dramatic here) i think it changed my life?

little backstory: i’m a dyke with eyes and a type, so when i watched fran drescher making impassioned speeches about labour rights, i was both smitten and reminded that i’d been meaning to watch the nanny. i was also (mostly unbeknownst to me) about as mentally ill as i’ve ever been in my life. i was halfway through a phd which i loved but it was making me so, so unwell. anyway, i started watching the nanny as some kind of escapism and one night, i was like…has anyone thought of fran and cc kissing on the mouth? and they had (obviously) and so i started thinking about that and how whine cellar is a deeply disappointing episode in so many ways and then i was like ‘i can fix that! with a one shot!’.

fast fwd to april 2024. i’m in my favourite city in the world. i’m posting the 11th chapter of that one shot far too late at night (sorry sara). it’s ended up about 85k words long. i’m no longer a phd candidate. i’m significantly less mentally ill. and i’ve spent the last 8 or so months being held by a group of people i would never have met if i had never started writing again.

i didn't quit my phd to write fan fiction, obviously. but writing fic helped me realise how unhappy i was because it was something that gave me joy in a time that was so fucking bleak. i don't really like thinking about it too much but it wasn't great. and then i had this lifeline. these two idiots (affectionate) falling in love with one another, not only in wwyd but all the other fics i was writing. and talking about with people who were commenting and finding me on tumblr. and then, eventually, we weren't just talking about fran and cc, we were talking about our lives! because we were friends!

people will tell you before you start a phd that it's a lonely experience. i was the only history student in my cohort. i only met one of my supervisors in person at his leaving drinks. i have two friends i met at my uni, one of whom was the first person i told that i had to quit. i had other friends and an incredible, loving, patient partner, and they were amazing. but still, it was lonely.

and then i just fucking wasn't.

january ‘24, the squad evolved from being my stupid tumblr tag to being the most chaotic group chat i have ever been part of (until nic got us nicely organised). a week or so later, i quit the phd. and i told a bunch of people i’d never met that i was dropping out of grad school and they were so fucking kind. i will never forget that. the squad, in all its iterations, will have my heart for my whole life. i will not rest until i have annoyed you all in person. my dream is winning the lottery and flying you all to a villa in spain for a week so i can cook you dinner (and cass can make bread) every night and drink wine and splash about in the sun (or in sara’s case, hide in the shade and probably yell at us to put sun screen on). when i say i love you, i mean it so wholly and truly.

anyway, back to wwyd. it’s not my first fic. i’ve been writing on and off for 15 long, long years. but i hadn't written a ton for a while (other than my aloto fic bc gretson my beloved) and i really kind of expected to get a couple of comments and a few kudos. i just had a story that wanted to get out so i published the first few chapters in really rather quick succession (i’m sorry to anyone who reads my stuff, my adhd is too bad for a posting schedule) and people…loved it? like, really loved it. which was so nice because i’m gonna be honest, there was not an adoring audience for my academic work (perils of being a genocide scholar). and i know it's become quite a few people’s comfort fic. i know people have reread it, more than once in some cases, which feels wild. people have left the most wonderful comments, said the kindest things, drawn gorgeous art, made a fanmix (which is fucking amazing), followed along on this journey which i did not expect them to do.

i don't have favourite children (b&w fans, i promise you, the next chapter is in the works) but if i did, wwyd might be one. sure, she's my difficult eldest child. but she got me into a fandom for the first time in years, she’s given me friends i know I will hold onto for the rest of my life, she reminded me how much fun writing can be. and she’s spawned so much more because she made me so much more confident as a writer.

so i don't think i’m being overdramatic when i say it changed my life. if you’d told me all of this when i hit publish on chapter one last year, i would have told you to fuck off. relatively vehemently. but i’m better now. and i’m so fucking grateful for this fic for being part of what gave me that.

anyway, thanks for letting me be a bit self indulgent - promise you don't have to sit through this ever again (maybe for won't you when i finally get it done. i’m sorry. i’m verbose). and once again, to everyone who has read wwyd, given it kudos, commented, reblogged a chapter on tumblr, all of it, my eternal thanks. i couldn't have done it without you.

finally, because i cannot say it enough, to the squad, you have my whole heart. it’s actually mad to me that this time last year, i had no idea who any of you were. your stamp on the last few chapters of wwyd is indelible. your stamp on my life is somehow more permanent than that. thank you. ilsym 🫶🏻

[kikyoupdates]

Girlfriend-For-Hire ⭑˚🦋⭑ 𝟶𝟹

yandere!ocs x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, yandere reverse harem, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Hoping to try something new and earn a bit of money on the side, you join an app that lets people hire you for your dating services. The idea is pretty straightforward — you pose as the client's girlfriend for a brief period of time, and in turn, you receive payment. But you didn't foresee everyone getting so attached to you, and suddenly, they're no longer satisfied with a fabricated relationship.

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“This is from when we went to a cute coffee shop the other day. They have really good pastries there. I definitely recommend it.” 

“Aw, what a lovely picture,” Mary-Ann beams, leaning closer to you as you swipe through your phone’s gallery. “You two look very good together. You’re a great match.” 

You smile back at her, turning up the charm to the max. It’s a good thing you’re so handy with photoshop, because editing all these photos of you and Isaac together would have taken a newbie just about forever. But it’s helping your relationship seem that much more real, and most people can’t pick up on little discrepancies when it comes to edited photos anyways, not unless they’re glaringly obvious. 

Everyone finished their food a while ago, so you’ve just been sitting around the couch chatting with Isaac’s parents. The evening is just about over, and even though you know you shouldn’t get too ahead of yourself, you have good reason to believe that they are fully convinced you’re their son’s girlfriend. 

“Well, I think we should start heading out,” Isaac says, clearly signaling you with his eyes that he’s had enough and is ready to leave. “I’m burnt out from classes, and I don’t want to go to sleep too late tonight. Plus I still need to drive [Name] home.” 

Mary-Ann makes a big show of pouting. “Right. That’s too bad. I wish you two could have stayed for longer, but you’re both busy bees, aren’t you?” 

She just unironically said ‘busy bees’. That was kind of cute. 

Isaac stands up and pats you on the shoulder, and you quickly follow suit. While Michael certainly added quite a bit of tension to the evening, overall, you feel like you did your part. The situation was likely far less uncomfortable than usual thanks to you being here. You try to avoid imagining how Michael would have acted towards his son if there wasn’t a guest present. 

“I still feel like it was unnecessary to hide this from us,” Michael frowns, following you and Isaac to the front door. “You’ve finally found a girlfriend you can take pride in. Wouldn’t you want to show her off?” 

“She’s not an object,” Isaac scowls. “I’m not trying to parade her around as if she’s on display.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of the person you’re with. Good grief,” Michael sighs. “You’re always so defensive.” 

Isaac turns away instead of responding. His freedom is right within his grasp, and you can tell he no longer has the energy to keep bickering with his father. 

You smile in an attempt to wrap the evening off on a high note. “Thank you again for having me over. Dinner was really good, and I had a lot of fun getting to know you guys.” 

“It was our pleasure,” Mary-Ann beams. “You’re more than welcome to drop by as often as you like. We’re happy to have you here.” 

“Isaac can be difficult, but don’t give up on him,” Michael says. “He needs someone like you in his life to set a good example.” 

You smile again and nod before saying your goodbyes. Isaac is already halfway out the door and waves listlessly without looking back, much to Michael’s distaste. 

It’s finally over. You did your part, and you have reason to believe that neither of his parents suspected a thing. 

Once he’s safely out of earshot and well within the comfort of his car, Isaac lets out a heavy sigh. 

“God, I’m tired,” he says. “That went on forever. Sorry. I probably should have been a bit more transparent about how awkward things are with my dad. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.” 

You shake your head. “Don’t apologize. I figured your parents would be pretty strict, based on what you told me. It seems like they don’t doubt our relationship at all, which is good. And I prepared a lot in advance, so that definitely helped.” 

“You did great,” Isaac smiles. “I really appreciate it. I wish I’d found this app earlier so that I could have gotten them off my back ages ago.” He pauses for a moment, then clears his throat. “Or… actually, maybe it’s a good thing I joined when I did. You mentioned you signed up just recently, right? If I’d joined earlier, I wouldn’t have found you. I think it all worked out for the best.” 

He’s probably just being polite and praising you for a job well done, but nevertheless, his words make your cheeks feel hot. 

“Right,” Isaac blinks. “Time for your payment. I’ll do it in front of you so you don’t have to worry about being ripped off. I know we’ve only just met, but I promise I’m not the kind of person to do something like that.”

“I know,” you nod encouragingly. “Just from the few hours we’ve spent together, I can tell. You’re obviously a good guy. I wish your dad would cut you some slack.” 

Isaac blinks again, but this time it looks like he’s resisting the urge to cry. 

He chuckles shakily, composing himself quickly enough. Not long after, you receive a notification that new funds have been deposited into your account. 

So, it’s official, then.

You’ve just been paid to act as someone’s girlfriend.

“Five stars,” Isaac mumbles, no doubt giving you a review on the app. “I honestly don’t think I could do this kind of job. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to pull it off, especially since you have to improvise on the spot and you never know what’ll happen next. It’s impressive that you stayed so calm throughout the evening. Most people that meet my dad end up ripping their hair out.” 

“It wasn’t that bad,” you reassure. 

Especially since I’m used to my own dad being a massive prick.

Isaac smiles. “Well, either way, I really appreciate you helping me. It was worth every dime. Also… I mentioned before that this was only going to be a one-time thing, but sometime in the future, would you be open to meeting with them again? I don’t see them super often, but I just wanted to know if you’re willing to put yourself through this torture again. If not, I can’t really blame you.” 

“Sure,” you say. “As long as you give me a heads-up, it should be fine. It seriously wasn’t as bad as you’re thinking. If it helps you out, I’d be happy to do it.” 

Isaac’s smile brightens, and he nods enthusiastically. It’s clear that he’s in a much better mood now that he’s dealt with an unpleasant situation. The money is nice, but getting to see that blissful expression of his is even better, somehow.

Even though the job is technically over, Isaac goes out of his way to drive you home and thanks you once again for helping him. He waits for you to walk into your apartment safely, which you appreciate, and you wave goodbye to him for the last time.

As you walk up the steps to your unit, you contemplate the day’s events.

Isaac was clearly satisfied with how you did, and it seemed like his parents were pretty fond of you as well. You’re not sure how long he plans to deceive them for, but for the time being, it seems to be doing the trick.

Considering this was your very first day on the job, you feel like it went really well.

And it looks like you’re going to keep riding this high for a while longer, because shortly after you get home, a notification catches your eye. 

You blink several times in quick succession. Wait, seriously? You’re still fresh off your first day of work and there’s already another person who wants to hire you? 

Hardly much time has passed since you set up your profile, but if the offers continue to be this frequent, you might not even need to look for another job. 

You pause, then awkwardly clear your throat. 

I should stop getting carried away. This is only the second person who’s tried to request me. I don’t even know if I’ll accept them. 

Still, you feel confident after how happy Isaac was with your services, so you approach your new client with boundless optimism. 

He proceeds to send you a picture of him posing in front of a piece of street art which you unfortunately recognize. It’s the same one you’ve passed by several times while on campus. 

Shit. He goes to the same university as you? That could get a little awkward. 

It takes you a while to respond. Well… Ava did say before that some people are just looking for a bit of companionship from time to time. Maybe that’s the case for Callum? He might just be in a bad spot and needs someone to talk to.

As a matter of fact, it sounds almost too good to be true, but if he’s really serious about this, then this will be the easiest money you’ve ever made in your entire life. Unlike with Isaac, you won’t have to memorize a bunch of facts to try and deceive people into believing your relationship is real. You’ll be getting paid just to hang out with someone. On campus, no less, so you won’t even have to go out of your way. 

At the time, you deluded yourself into thinking that all Callum wanted was a friend, and that there was nothing more to it.

But of course, you were sorely mistaken.

“No way!” Ava squeals. “You have another job already? Today? Here?” 

You glance around in a panic. Her outcry has drawn countless eyes towards the two of you, and since you’re in a library, people aren’t happy with the loud distraction. 

“Shh,” you urge, pressing a finger to your lips and gesturing for her to be quiet. “Not so loud. I also don’t want people to know that this is technically a job. But yeah, this guy goes to the same university as us. He said he didn’t need me to act like his girlfriend and said it was fine to just be his friend instead.” 

Ava giggles. “Sorry, sorry. But wow, that sounds awesome! Not only do you get paid, but you don’t need to do anything too crazy either. This guy must be pretty laid back. What’s his name?”

“I’m not sure if I should be telling you,” you frown. “He probably doesn’t want other people knowing that he paid for my time. I don’t know all the details, but things might not be going so well if he needs to hire a friend through an app rather than confiding in a real one. Out of respect for his privacy and personal situation, I think I should keep this to myself.” 

“Oh, come on,” she whines. “You’re just teasing me at this point. You told me about Isaac, didn’t you? And if you didn’t want me to ask, you shouldn’t have mentioned that you had a new job right on campus!” 

“I only told you because you were trying to hang out later when I’m supposing to be meeting with him.” 

“But still!” 

She balls her hands into fists and huffs—a bit too loudly, it seems, because several people turn around and openly glare at her. 

Ava flashes them a sheepish smile, then looks back at you with big, imploring eyes. “Pretty please? With a cherry on top? I just want to know his name and what he looks like. You know I won’t go blabbing to anyone. If I ever pass by the two of you hanging out, I promise not to let it slip that I know he hired you. Haven’t I always been a woman of my word?” 

To her credit, she’s really good at keeping secrets. Trust is important in all relationships, not just romantic ones, and the fact that the two of you are so transparent with each other is one of the main reasons your friendship has lasted this long. 

“Fine,” you eventually give in, and Ava dramatically pumps her fist in the air. People are still looking at her, so they must think she’s got a few screws loose. Well, not that she seems to mind.

You pull out your phone and swipe the app open. 

“His name is Callum,” you say. “He’s a year older than me. He mentioned he took a gap year after high school so he started a bit later than we did. I don’t know too much else about him, but he didn’t have any specific requests or ask me to prepare anything, so it sounds like we really are just going to be hanging out.” 

Ava studies the profile attentively. “He’s pretty hot,” she remarks. “I feel like he’s got that mysterious kind of bad boy vibe that most people are really into. Well, I personally think nice-looking guys like Isaac are better. Or my amazing boyfriend, of course.” 

“Should I tell him he was just an afterthought on that list?” you tease. 

“Oh, shush. He knows I love him. I’m just speaking objectively. None of these guys are ever going to make me act out.” 

You chuckle softly. Callum is attractive, that much you can admit to, but it’s comforting to know that you can just be yourself and take it easy around him. He isn’t expecting a practiced performance or anything. You actually almost feel guilty accepting the money. If you end up having fun, isn’t it basically just a meet-up with a friend? 

“I can pretty much read your mind,” Ava snorts. “Don’t feel sorry for him. We don’t know why he feels the need to do this, or what exactly is going on in his life. Like you said, there’s no way to know the details. He’s the one who offered you money in exchange for your time, so you have no reason to feel guilty about it.” 

“Yeah… that’s true,” you nod. “At least I’m helping people, one way or another. But I feel like people don’t usually help others expecting money in return…” 

“That’s not true. So many different jobs involve helping people, but it’s not like people can just work for free. We can’t help that we need money to survive. Seriously,” she sighs, patting your back in reassurance, “you’re way too nice. Going out of your way to help a total stranger isn’t something the average person does, and besides, you’ve got student loans and tuition to pay. You’re dealing with your own shit, and so is he, right?” 

Perhaps it’s because this job sounds so much easier than the previous one. At least in Isaac’s case, you had to prepare ahead of time and maintain a convincing performance in an awkward and relatively stressful environment. It felt like you actually earned your pay. 

Well, it’s too late to back out now. I guess I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it. If I end up having fun while working, where’s the harm in that? As long as Callum’s happy, that’s all that matters. 

You smile back at Ava. As always, she’s right. You’re lucky to have a friend like her, who pushes you to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Without her, you’re sure you would be missing out on all kinds of interesting experiences. 

“I should get going now,” you say, already packing up your things.

Ava frowns. “Huh? So soon?” 

“We’re meeting on the opposite end on campus, and I don’t want to be late. And no, you can’t follow me and spy on us.” 

“[Name], please,” she laughs. “I do have some self-control. Plus, my classes start soon.” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve skipped class. I’m actually kind of scared to even ask what your attendance record is like.”

“Hey! I’ve been getting better lately, okay?” 

You zip up your backpack and laugh as you wave goodbye to her. You open up your phone to the app and check the last message you exchanged with Callum. The meet-up spot hasn’t changed, and he hasn’t mentioned anything else since then. 

You wonder what you’ll be doing together. Well, since you’re meeting at a cafe, you can start off by grabbing some coffee and sitting down for a chat, but it sounds like you both have a bit of time to kill before your afternoon classes. Maybe you can go on a stroll through the university gardens? Actually, he might already have something else planned. 

You’ve always been prone to overthinking, but you eventually reason that there’s no way to prepare for this, and hardly a point either. 

It’s just going to be a chill hangout session, and who knows? You might even get a new friend out of it. 

You thought for sure you would be the early one, but when you arrive at the cafe, you find that Callum is already waiting there. 

He spots you without a moment’s delay. 

“Oh, hey,” he grins. “You’re [Name]? Wow, you’re even prettier than in all your pictures. They don’t do you justice at all.” 

“Thanks,” you blush. “The same goes for you. Your pictures were nice, but you look even better in person.” 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” he brushes off. He pauses for a moment, then his grin gets even wider. “Just kidding. Keep complimenting me as much as you want. I like it.” 

You chuckle awkwardly, and perhaps a touch nervously. He doesn’t really seem like the type of guy who doesn’t have any friends. He’s clearly extroverted, and charismatic, and between the two of you, you’re the one who’s visibly on edge. 

Again, there’s no point in wondering why he hired you. The point is that he did hire you, and you had better make sure he’s satisfied with his experience.

“Well, it’s nice to be meeting you in person,” you smile. “What did you want to do first? I guess we’ll start with some coffee?” 

“Yeah, I need coffee ASAP,” Callum nods. “I get cranky without it. It’s an inevitable side effect of being an insomniac. As you can probably tell.” 

He has discernible dark circles under his eyes, so you kind of figured he might be sleep-deprived. Quite frankly, he looks like the kind of person who subsists solely off coffee, microwaved meals, and cigarettes. 

Then again, that’s probably the case for most university students.

“Let’s head in,” Callum gestures. He stops in front of the door to smile back at you. “And thanks again for agreeing to my request, even though you don’t usually do this kind of thing on campus.” 

“Just as friends,” you feel the need to clarify. “As long as it’s just as friends, then there’s no problem.” 

Callum keeps smiling sweetly, but his pale eyes briefly glint with something akin to amusement.

Needless to say, you don’t pick up on it.

“Yep,” he beams. “Just friends. Anyways, I need my coffee. I’m basically dead on my feet.” 

You follow him inside the store, ordering your own coffee after he does. Since neither of you have classes anytime soon, you figure you might sit around and talk for a little while, so you head to one of the tables. 

Callum, however, stops you.

“Let’s sit outside,” he insists. “They’ve got tables there too. The weather’s nice today. I want to enjoy the sun.” 

“Oh, sure,” you nod.

There’s no reason to object. Spring is right around the corner, so it’s definitely been warming up lately. You sit down next to Callum and take a tentative sip of your coffee, exhaling happily as you lift your face towards the sunny sky. 

“This was a good call,” you acknowledge. “It’s relaxing, being able to drink good coffee and sit under the sun. I’m usually scrambling to finish my coffee in time for class. I definitely needed a change of pace.” 

Callum chuckles. “Yeah, you get it. I feel like people are always going a hundred miles a minute, but I’m just trying to take it easy and actually enjoy life. People seem to forget how to do that nowadays. It’s kind of a shame.” 

He starts sipping at his coffee, and you decide to focus on your own drink instead of disturbing him. You’ve only just met, but you’re already starting to feel more at ease. He really is laid back and chill. 

Yeah. Accepting his request was definitely the right call.

…or was it? 

“Callum?” 

Someone calls his name out of nowhere. Naturally, you turn towards the source, where a young woman is standing still as a statue, and for some reason, she looks absolutely flabbergasted.

Before you can even think twice about it, Callum wraps his arm around your shoulder, which makes the woman nearly pop a blood vessel.

You suddenly feel as though something is horribly wrong.

“Oh, hey Nadia,” Callum hums. “What’s up?��� 

Nadia doesn’t say anything at first. Just like you, she’s in utter disbelief and is still struggling to process what’s happening. Callum holds you tight, hardly giving you any wiggle room, and something tells you that if you push him away right now, he won’t be happy about it. 

But even if you did push him away in time, you doubt it would have made a difference. Already, the damage has been done.

Nadia grits her teeth, expression turning venomous. 

“...who the fuck is she?” 

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🦋 main masterlist ♡ character appearances

[unfortunate17]

Do you have any 🌶️ Wilmon headcanons?

Yes I do, but again nothing super specific!!

Also I know that this topic tends to piss people off, so if you’re sensitive about it, this is your warning not to proceed 🫵

At the core of Wilmon’s sexual dynamic, is the way they make each other feel (obv Saf 🙄).

I think Wille is one of the few people on the planet that Simon feels entirely safe with, so he tends to expose his most unguarded, vulnerable self with him. Like Simon’s not the clingiest person on a day to day basis, but in bed he just wants to be held and taken care of and loved. I’ll die on the hill that Simon has a praise kink. He also trusts Wille completely to give him exactly what he wants. He for sure likes getting manhandled/tossed around if the number of times Wille just casually lifts him means anything 🙂‍↕️ And honestly, as he should, Simon knows he has a man he can trust and would do anything for him and he’s going to make full use of him.

On the other hand, I think Wille’s a lot more unsure about a lot of things in his day to day life - his place in the world, who he is, what he wants, etc., but seeing Simon melt in his arms inspires a sort of quiet confidence in him. It’s not an accident that he’s “in charge” in most of the intimate scenes we see in canon -> seeing Simon happy, being secure in their relationship and feelings, makes Wille feel good about himself, like he’s doing something right. I know he’s smug about how he has a normally collected & self assured Simon speechless and stuttering even though Simon always rolls his eyes at him for it 😭

TBH the only time Wille is hesitant/unsure in bed is when him & Simon are fighting or if he doesn’t feel secure in their love. Sex is definitely a comfort thing for both of them too, even when they’re fighting, and half the time Wille knows an argument is over bc Simon just crawls into his lap.

If we’re talking nitty gritty specifics:

- As I’ve stated, Simon’s clingier in bed

- I can’t even make anything up about their fave position bc it is so obviously Simon riding Wille 😭 ty for this knowledge Lisa it keeps me up at night 🤝

- They’re phone sex enthusiasts and Simon is a lot better at it than Wille (Wille can’t always see him properly when they do this so he gets hung up on that sometimes), but Wille is getting better!! And Simon’s obsessed with him so it’s not too much of an issue

- Wille likes to LOOK 👀. Simon on the other hand likes to hear Wille talk in his ear when they’re doing it bc Wille has a way of making even the cutest things sound downright filthy 🤗

- Simon’s obsessed with Wille’s hair

- Overall I think they’re relatively vanilla, but I can see overstimulation being a thing that Simon is super into, and Wille’s def not gonna complain about making Simon come over & over again 🤷‍♀️

[sabrondabrainrot]

Good Monday Morning

Just finished the EAPs ep "sun and moon have to CHOOSE" I'm not too happy about it

LMAO I get Eclipse has issues but he's literally causing the Sun of that Universe to lash out. He made that Sun perceive his Moon as an active threat. Sun only taped the lights because of Eclipse and Puppet's meddling.

Like, the entire moral question situation they put Moon and Sun through was entirely wrong. Then after the fact, Puppet and Eclipse both were basically ridiculing Sun for taking a while to answer. Like.... You were going to kill him or Moon of course he's taking his time answering

But what really grinds my gears is the comment section of the YouTube videos. I just don't understand how so many people unanimously agree with Eclipse when he calls Sun selfish.

This Eclipse has done nothing wrong so he's virtually innocent, however he has every single previous Eclipse's memories. His opinions on Sun and Moon are completely wrong and warped. Do people not understand they're basically agreeing with an abuser? Someone who would warp and stretch the truth into any reason to perpuate victimizing an innocent person?

Eclipse V4 hasn't done anything bad yet but right now he's using previous memories to justify being horrible to this innocent Sun.

No one else sees a problem with blindly agreeing with an abuser?

Puppet is trying to help but even she's doing a bad job. She's also terrorizing Sun which is causing him to withdraw more and more.

Even when Eclipse is trying to be 'nice' and get rid of their pain when transitioning he does everything in his power to bully and coerce Sun.

You can't just force someone to have sympathy but you can't necessarily call them selfish. Sun isn't seeing things from his Moon's end but he's stated he didn't hate him and doesn't want to kill him. Eclipse isn't used to that, so he's almost regressing on those flawed memories. Eclipse only knows about a Sun who was willing to share despite being terrified and he still has the gall to say our Sun was selfish.

Just a friendly reminder Eclipse is a very flawed unreliable narrator so what he says we can't take at face value.

Sun of EAPs dimension isn't a selfish control freak. He's a terrified kid. Sharing a toy is not the same thing as sharing an entire body. Should he have more sympathy for his Moon?

Absolutely

EAPs Moon seems very patient and kind, but Eclipse is determined to widdle that away to bring this Moon to his level. Because he can't deal with the fact that this Sun and Moon are very different people.

Puppet I think is trying her best but she also keeps accidentally just doing the very worst thing.

On a side note I'm very excited to know more about this Moon. He seems very sweet. Even his 'angry outburst' is something very mundane. He tossed a barrel and just kind of was like 'idk maybe I'm a bit upset because it's unfair'

I kind of get the vibes the writers for EAPs are intentionally making Eclipse wrong so he can have his own flawed logic thrown back at him. I should preface I like Eclipse I like prickly characters but I don't ever agree with them.

There's always something wrong about hurting others or being rude to be rude.

LMAO that's my morning rant I literally laid awake in bed unable to sleep thinking about this.

I start work in 5 so it's a new record

[saintsenara]

do youthink james knew sirius had a crush on him? if yes, how did he feel about it? also, could they have worked?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

the view i'm taking in the war of the roses is that james never realises that sirius' feelings for him are romantic. he understands, instinctively, that sirius loves him - and he loves sirius profoundly, and the two are emotionally open [and enmeshed] with each other - but he assumes that this love is fraternal.

sirius doesn't correct him largely because of the huge sack of internalised homophobia he's been carrying around - which builds on the expression of casual homophobia we see on the canon page in both the teen marauders' and the adult sirius' treatment of snape.

this is also why my version of james never seriously wonders if his best friend is something other than straight. outside of light and fluffy escapism - which this fic very much is not - i don't really vibe with the fanon that the twentieth-century wizarding world is considerably more enlightened when it comes to sexuality and gender than the muggle one. a society which places such emphasis on the value of blood and lineage, and which seems to have social conventions surrounding sex, sexuality, and gender which are extremely conservative, just wouldn't have been - and james is a straight cisgender teenage boy living in this society during the 1970s.

so sirius spends his time at school struggling to make sense of his attraction to james, while james remains cheerfully oblivious - he was a one woman man the second he clapped eyes on lily, and that was that.

in other contexts, though, absolutely i think the pairing can work, both as happy-ever-after and as something darker. james and sirius are each other's ride-or-die - sirius is the only person who can get james to stop showing off, lily thinks that his presence in godric's hollow will cheer up a james who's growing frustrated with life under lockdown, sirius would never have gone anywhere other than james' when he ran away from home, they love each other so much they couldn't even bear to spend a single detention without talking - but they're also incredibly co-dependent, and mutually encourage each other in several of their negative, self-destructive traits. wherever a fic wants to fall on the scale, this will slap.

but i prefer it - as i've said here and here - unrequited.

[longing-for-rain]

I want to know your thoughts on Zutara cheating headcanons because a lot of fans think that they would cheat on their respective partners to be with each other, while others think they would never do such a thing. I personally think Katara wouldn't because she is really loyal and hates betrayal, and is also afraid of how temperamental Aang is (she says that Aang in the Avatar State scared her). Meanwhile I actually can see Zuko cheating on Mai because he never thinks of her even once during his entire banishment even though according to canon he knew Mai liked him before his banishment and they were already sort of in a puppy love relationship?? (I guess Bryke had to retcon stuff since they forgot to make Mai important to Zuko lol). Zuko goes on a date with Jin and was even thinking of starting a whole new life with her but backs out of it because he doesn't want to be lying about his entire identity (not because he is thinking about Mai. she never crosses his mind even once). When we actually see him in a relationship with Mai he doesn't seem happy about it, and he leaves her behind in prison. Then he just forgets about her until she shows up at the palace. She seemed way more into him than he was ever into her. 💀

To be completely honest, I can't see either of them cheating in a relationship. Both Katara and Zuko are loyal and honor-bound characters with a strong sense of duty. It's one trait that I think would make them a great match, but unfortunately, it would likely also result in them staying in relationships that are unfulfilling.

I have a lot of thoughts on it, especially from Katara's POV. I actually wrote a whole canon compliant fic (link) about it to fill in the gaps based on the hints Legend of Korra left us about the kataang relationship.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

triangle. l Frankie “Catfish” Morales

💔 a few ways to break your heart 💔

Summary:  three is already a crowd

Warnings:  angst, a few bad words, ending a relationship

A/N: something like a mini series, not necessarily good and nice stories. scribbles. I hope that despite everything you will stay with me.

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

a few ways to break a heart [masterlist]

"I thought we were..."

"You thought we were what?"

Frankie shrugged, he wasn't sure of anything anymore. And he certainly wasn't sure of the person standing in front of him, whose eyes were avoiding his gaze, and whose mouth was letting out words that were causing him so much pain. 

He barely recognized you. You had been friends for a few years, a really good ones. However, for a few months, everything had been slowly falling apart, and the inevitable fuck-up had occurred during your birthday outing to a bar.

The air was crispy, but you felt like a living fire was burning you from the inside. You didn't want to do this. Your heart was bleeding when you looked at Frankie's confused face, but you couldn't pretend that everything was fine anymore. Because it wasn't.

Each day began and ended with the thought that you loved him, and he could never be yours. He couldn't, because he was hers. 

Gloria was perfect - full lips, long hair and shapely legs. It would be easier if you could hate her, but you didn't want to. But you also couldn't pretend that it didn't bother you.

Frankie knew you so well that he quickly noticed that something was wrong. You blamed your bad mood on work, on stress, on some guy you went out with on a date, on anything just so you wouldn't have to tell him "I'm in love with you, idiot! And it hurts like hell." 

You started to tense up at accidental touches or when he hugged you. It took you longer to reply to his messages, and arranging to talk with you was becoming more and more difficult.

And now this. You looked so pretty in that new dress and makeup that when he saw you, a smile immediately appeared on his face. How was he supposed to know that this morning you decided to finally close the chapter titled "Frankie", that you decided to cut him off.

"Did I do something?" he finally asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "You've been acting like..."

"Like what?" you asked "Like a bitch?"

He looked at you reproachfully, "I didn't say that."

"But you thought."

A group of laughing people passed you and for a moment you both fell silent. You were the first to break the silence.

"I think it would be better if we didn't contact each other for a while." you mumbled, you didn't even have the courage to look at him.

"How much and for how long?" his voice was flat, almost emotionless. Another needle that pierced your heart, because Frankie had never spoken to you like that.

You shrugged. "I don't know. As much as it takes."

Frankie nodded, and after a moment he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a white envelope. "I guess I should give you your present now, because I won't have the chance later." he extended his hand to you "Happy birthday."

He wanted to add "baby", like always, but now he didn't know if you wouldn't take that as a provocation. You hesitantly reached into the envelope, inside you found two tickets to a concert.

"You like them, right?" a weird question, because a while ago you were abusing Frankie by constantly playing their latest album "I thought we could go together, but now you'll probably go with someone else. Either way, I hope you have a great time."

"You should go with Gloria." you mumbled, holding the envelope out to him, but he just grimaced and shook his head.

"She doesn't like them. Besides, this is for you.”

“Thank you.” You said quietly, and a hint of that old smile appeared on his lips.

"I think I'll go now. I don't want to take up any more of your time." He said, glancing towards the entrance. "I think Gloria's looking for me."

"You're probably right."

He made a gesture as if he wanted to hug you, but he quickly pulled you away. So all that was left was a nod, a quiet "Take care of yourself." and after a moment you were just watching his broad shoulders as he entered the bar.

Your heart was shattered into a thousand pieces, tears welled up in your eyes, but you knew you had to do it.

For both of you.

Maybe soon you will heal from what you felt, maybe you will forget, maybe one day it will be better...

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[when-wax-wings-melt]

Keeper of the Lost Cities: A Love-Hate-Love Relationship, And What It Can Do To Your Psyche 

This is the essay you guys wanted to see after this presentation dropped; to be clear, this is the final draft. The presentation was made from the rough draft, so it's rather different.

Also, the essay prompt was to make it personal. So the italicized bits are where I was trying to do that, and they are both separate and a part of the essay. They break up the flow, but are also a response to the normal bits of the essay. You get it. Here we go.

In total, the Keeper of The Lost Cities (KOTLC) series by Shannon Messenger has over 7000 pages, split between nine and a half books (Book 8.5 was, uselessly, a novella) with a planned tenth coming in late 2024. It’s the kind of series that hooks you the same way a fisherman hooks a fish: with a promise of a treat that goes very, very unfulfilled. This is to say: KOTLC is a good series, at least at first. It’s certainly been my core obsession for a good (or bad) five years. It’s a hook because you can’t escape once you’ve begun. It’s my own personal brand of heroine, as Edward Cullen might say if Bella were a too-long book series that doesn’t resolve any plotlines or character arcs and instead piles more information on top of worldbuilding until contradictions are more plentiful than the packed main cast.

KOTLC is a good series, but the idea of recommending it feels like I’d be violating several articles of the Geneva Convention. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, and yet the thought of it ending is an impossibility on the scale of the apocalypse and I hope (I’d rather) the world ends before this series does. KOTLC is a minefield of sloppy worldbuilding, deeply compelling characters, and---where am i without it?---bits of myself woven into the many, many words, sinking under my skin and revealing what I think I have to offer. 

Sophie Foster is the protagonist of the series, trudging the long, never-ending path to what hopefully will be a happy ending. Like the author, Sophie has blonde hair and brown eyes, making her unique among her fellow elves, who all have blue eyes, including the rare-among-the-main-cast people of color.

There are so many things that make Sophie weird, strange, unique, attractive to every boy who sees her, and otherwise out of the ordinary: for example, she has five special abilities that allow her to teleport, read minds, inflict pain, speak any language, and enhance the abilities of others---i cannot do what she can, but she breathes and i do too---There are certain things she has very much in common with her fellow elves, such as her slender build and flawless skin, but much more makes her, as her childhood bullies would say, “A Special Sophie-Flake.”

Sophie was raised by humans, which not only means that the steadily growing pile of unique traits is now tottering dangerously above my head, but also that she’s clumsy and wildly insecure. This insecurity has a purpose and a source, making it one of the most annoyingly (and terrifyingly) accurate depictions of teenage anxiety in middle-grade media (if I were a vampire pulled from normal vampire lore rather than Twilight and I looked at her, I’d be invisible)---so do you get it? do i? 

which one of us is me---Sophie has intense imposter syndrome, never believing she’s worthy of the overwhelming support, approval, and desire heaped upon her throughout her years in the Lost Cities. In Book One, four teenage boys were no less than obsessed with her, possibly because she, presumably, talked to them sometimes. Valin, a “drooly boy” (named due to his constant drooling, as one might expect), is forced to ballroom dance with Sophie in detention, and later gives her a card and a bracelet professing his admiration. Dex Dizznee manages to sustain his crush until he finally makes his move in Book Six, and is rejected in humiliation after she kisses him to make him realize his feelings aren’t actually real---when I know that he was lying to himself, is lying to himself. truth is a phase and it ends once you hit age eight---After Book Six, only two remain: Fitz and Keefe, each of whom has made their crushes very, desperately, embarrassingly clear to someone who very clearly returns both sets of feelings.

“Sooner or later you're going to have to solve the triangle. Or should we get real and call it a square?” (Messenger Neverseen), notes Keefe, with his usual subtle confession of his feelings---only leaving me with questions: did he want her to know at all? is he chasing the person or the change? the girl or the excitement? the wanting or the wanted?---The love polygon of however many vertices is both acknowledged and not by Sophie— she’s aware of her feelings for Fitz from chapter two of Book One, becomes aware of her feelings for Keefe in Book Nine, and mentally friend-zones Dex every other sentence, even when it’s not really relevant to the rest of her inner monologue. Her inability to believe with confidence that she might be worthy of a crush (or any sort of positive acknowledgment) is layered beneath every thought where she considers the possibility of being liked, and then promptly dismisses it.

---she knows that admitting it means being wrong. i will be wrong, unless i guess right and am big-headed, full of myself. who am i---

Sophie’s oblivious nature stems from her human upbringing, directly resulting from the trauma of developing the ability to read minds at age five. She hears her parents wishing she were normal or better at making friends and fitting in, her sister complaining about her presence, and her classmates at school judging everything she does.

She sticks out like a sore thumb in the human world, only to come to the elven world and be called a freak, malfunctioning, a genetic experiment, and a failure, just when she thought she might fit in---when i am a puzzle piece, a corner without the connection---Her alienation in the human world (referred to as the Forbidden Cities in the series) comes from her level of success, skipping five grades due to her elven intelligence and photographic memory, and getting into Harvard at age twelve.

While she hates the combination of jealousy and admiration she’s constantly showered with there---who hates it and loves it at the same time? isolation and contradiction---in the elven world, she’s hated for other reasons: accidentally breaking laws, making mistakes, or simply being a blip on the seemingly perfect streak the elven world has for peace and security. Is there any mystery as to why she would never believe that people actually, genuinely care for her? She’s formed her protective coating of denial that lasts her through every time Fitz gives her a gift and she convinces herself it means nothing, or every time Dex shows his jealousy, or every time Keefe goes to her before anyone else.

Even when she kisses Dex, after he tells her in anything but words that he likes her, she doubts herself—are two sides of the same coin, where heads is insecurity and tails is egotism. question: who is she?---She doesn’t think he actually likes her, appreciates her, admires her. This doubt works its way into everything she does, every relationship she has, platonic, romantic, or otherwise. Yet again, she shows her status as a reflection---answer: she’s a mirror. i know who i am because she exists---reading into everything and still not believing or trusting that it truly exists outside of her imagination.

Any time Sophie sees a girl she perceives as prettier, more elegant, or smarter than she is, she instantly develops a jealousy complex—relating either to how Fitz acts around them, or how they project the confidence and normalcy she wishes she can achieve---to tell me whether or not i am alone---She surrounds herself with people who are described as incredibly stunning even in a world where every elf naturally matches the ideal Western beauty standard.

Yet she refuses to believe that she, too, might be beautiful, and instead considers herself dull and boring next to Biana, Linh, Marella, and Maruca---(and ten books later, i still do not have an answer)---Even Stina, who has committed the number one crime (it’s a federal offense) of having “a mass of frizzy curls” (KOTLC 164), is considered beautiful when her hair is “tamed” and slicked back. This framing of beauty applies to the boys, too, but none of Sophie’s descriptions are quite as detailed, quite as admiring, or quite as wistful as when she’s describing Biana Vacker’s heart-shaped, perfectly glossed lips---so, yes, i look at her and see myself. is that what i’m trying to say? is that what i am?---

But the queer-coding doesn’t stop (or begin, really) with Sophie’s dedicated denial of both her worth as a human being and her desire to kiss her pretty girl friends. A connection called a “Cognate Bond” is often referred to in the text as the closest two elves can become, emotionally and mentally.

Cognates exist when two Telepaths (such as Sophie) have such a deep and unbreakable trust bond that they become more skilled together than they were apart. In creating and maintaining this bond, they have to complete trust exercises and not hold back secrets keeping them from total confidentiality---she thrives on secrets---Sophie’s cognate is her friend (and love interest, and, debatably, ex-boyfriend) Fitz, whose romantic relationship was in a large part focused on their cognate one. Their trust exercises involve staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, having matching rings, and Fitz telling Sophie that she’s the only person he can truly trust.

Fitz also asks his father at one point if cognates are allowed to date each other— his father affirms the statement. Notably, Alden has the authority to do so since he himself was a cognate, only undergoing a nasty breakup— sorry, only losing the bond, after his cognate, Quinlin, kept too many secrets. It’s implied that two other characters were once almost Cognates, only to grow too far apart when one of them, Prentice, had his sanity forcibly shattered and was locked in prison, leaving his (gay lover) best friend, Tiergan, to raise his son---while cognatedom thrives on truth, and also regret, and also the denial of both---The choice to parallel Fitz/Sophie, Alden/Quinlin, and Tiergan/Prentice was possibly not a conscious one but it still resonates with hundreds of queer teen readers who look at the portrayal of utter devotion and trust between two men and think, Wow. This is what I see in myself---but without the denial, without the regret, what are we left with? what do we see?

we see the truth.

We see ourselves.

There are so, so many other issues that I could easily delve into in this series (such as the strangely Western portrayal of gender roles, the racism concerning the Song family, irresponsible adults and the ethics of genetic experimentation, the girlboss and cardboardification of quite literally every woman, etc) and just as many things that make Keeper of the Lost Cities worth it (Fitz’s anger, the development of villains, Sophie’s trans-coding, Keefe’s trauma, physical ramifications of guilt, Marella and Fintans’ pyrokinesis/queer-coding, whatever Dimitar has going on, etc).

The series tends to skew to the “not good” side, although on occasion it will topple abruptly into the “incredible work of art and exploration of wildly interesting character dynamics” before rising like an angel back to heaven into its original position as “questionable in terms of taste.” Mostly, what defines KOTLC is how it’s interpreted rather than the content itself. Someone far different (and with far worse taste) than I might see Fitz’s quest for vengeance and call him a red flag in elven form, while I call it a ridiculously interesting exploration of what grief, near idol worship, toxic standards, and guilt can do to a teenage boy past his limit.

But I am not the voice of the fandom (even though I definitely should be). I look at Sophie Foster and see myself, but that does not make her me. These characters always feel so painfully real, desperately relatable, as if Messenger cobbled together a main cast from bits of my life, but they are not. In the end, they are just characters. In the end, it’s just a series made for middle schoolers, in the same way the sun is just the sun, and the stars are just there to twinkle merrily and not to be explored.

(where am i without it? I cannot do what she can, but she breathes and I do too so do you get it? do i?  which one of us is me when I know that he was lying to himself, is lying to himself. truth is a phase and it ends once you hit age eight only leaving me with questions: did he want her to know at all? is he chasing the person or the change? the girl or the excitement? the wanting or the wanted? she knows that admitting it means being wrong. i will be wrong, unless i guess right and am big-headed, full of myself. who am i when i am a puzzle piece, a corner without the connection who hates it and loves it at the same time? isolation and contradiction aretwo sides of the same coin, where heads is insecurity and tails is egotism. question: who is she? answer: she’s a mirror. i know who i am because she exists to tell me whether or not i am alone (and ten books later, i still do not have an answer) so, yes, i look at her and see myself. is that what i’m trying to say? is that what i am? she thrives on secrets while cognatedom thrives on truth, and also regret, and also the denial of both but without the denial, without the regret, what are we left with? what do we see? we see the truth. We see ourselves.

[kathrahender]

"You said you would always have my back" Person A said, looking at Person B with their arms crossed.

"I did" Person B smiled with something similar to cruelty. That reaction made Person A know that Person B probably didn't care about what they were saying, but they needed to get their pain off their chest.

"You said we would get older together. You said you would always be my side and that you would never leave me. You said... you said you would always protect me"

Person A hugged themselves, and they saw how Person B's expression changed. There wasn't hate or anger in their eyes anymore. It was... surprise and then- guilt?

"Person A, I..."

"You said it was the two of us against the world. It was always us. I always had you, and you always had me. But it changed" they felt their eyes fill with tears "You changed. And now... it's too late to fix it, right?" the tears fell "We are condemned to keep fighting. We are condemned to be enemies. We are condemned to hate each other until our deaths"

"Person A"

"But I don't want to keep fighting you" they covered their eyes "Despite what you did, despite what we did to each other, despite everything, I don't want to fight you anymore. And it's funny" they let out a broken laugh "It's funny because you don't want to end the war. You think peace won't solve anything. You think violence is the answer. You think those who hurt you or your people deserve to suffer" they started trembling "And you won't change your mind for me. You will always want to fight against me to get what you want"

Person A wiped away their tears, trying not to look weaker than they already were.

"You know? When we were friends... I thought you would always save me. I thought you would always ease my pain. But you..." they sobbed "You abandoned me. You left me when I needed you more. And I know it is my fault. I know everything that happened was because of me, but I'm tired, Person B" they looked at Person B "Stop this war. It's not helping anyone. It's only causing more pain" a tear fell from their eyes "Please, just- give me one more chance to make things better for both of us. Don't... Don't let us be unhappy for the rest of our lives. Don't-"

Don't let me suffer alone, please. They wanted to say, but before they could finish the sentence, two arms wrapped around their shoulders. They stood still, without moving or making a sound. What if they did something and Person B disappeared? It was the first time in ages that Person B hugged them and the first time they felt something apart from coldness and pain. They didn't want that moment to end nor to be an hallucination or a dream.

Person A closed their eyes. They almost forgot how Person B's hugs felt like. They almost forgot the warmth of their arms, and how they made them feel safe and protected. Their hands trembled, and in that moment they knew. If they weren't dreaming, they wouldn't be able to fight Person B. Not after feeling alive again. Since their bond broke and they became enemies, Person A felt empty, and everytime they smiled, it was false. They faked their happiness again and again, not wanting their friends to know they felt dead inside. But-

-when Person B hugged them again, one of their many wounds was healed.

"I won't" Person B tightened the hug "I won't let us be unhappy. I won't let you suffer alone, Person A" when Person A hugged them back, hiding their face not to show their tears, a single tear fell from their eyes as well. How they didn't realize before? How they didn't realize before the pain in Person A's eyes? How they didn't realize how much they were suffering? How could they think Person A wanted to keep fighting against them?

Person A clung to them, as if they didn't want to get away, not even a little. They were holding them as if they were going to dissapear, as if they thought they were going to leave them. What have I done? Of all the things that they were planning to do, they didn't want their former friend to feel broken. They didn't want their former friend to be shattered. But if the way Person A hugged them was a hint, that only proved how wounded was Person A.

"I'm sorry" Person B said "I'm so sorry, Person A. I didn't want to do this to you. I didn't mean to hurt you so much. I wanted you to get out of my way- but not like this. I never wanted you to be heartbroken"

"But I am" Person A "I am, Person B" they sobbed and after a few second they talked again "We were friends, Person B, why this had to happen to us?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" another tear fell from their eyes when they heard Person A's sobs "I won't leave you this time, Person A. I won't let you down again"