#i think this is my favorite sam line from season 1

[elizabethsblogg]

~Dean Winchester headcanons-

✨Dean Winchester x Reader✨

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How you met:

-You lived next door to one another. And just as Mary was a hunter by her family heritage, so were you and your family. Once John started training the boys to be hunters you eventually started tagging along and traveling with them. Because of your family situation it wasn’t safe for you to be at home so when you turned 18 and Dean offered for you to come with him from town to town you went in a heartbeat. Now years later it’s you, him and Sammy in the Impala fighting the otherworldly creatures.

How you started dating:

-Sam definitely gets the credit for getting the two of you to admit your feelings for one another. Although Dean won’t admit that his brother was the reason why the two of you are together.

-You both had harbored feelings for one another for years. But of course you guys were equally stubborn, and scared to ruin the relationship you both and built over the years. So you didn’t actually officially start dating until after Dean reunited with Sam (season 1); because Sam played the part of the wingman and pushed you both in the direction of admitting your feelings to one another.

What kind of boyfriend he’d be:

-Definitely very protective. In the series he’s obviously very protective of Sam so it would make sense that he’d be even more protective of the love of his life.

-But with that said he’d also be the type of boyfriend to say “You wear whatever dress you want sweetheart, I can fight.” So he’s protective but not controlling.

-Oh yeah, his pet name for you is sweetheart. I think this, because Lawrence Kansas is in the Midwest and Midwesterners definitely view sweetheart as a term of endearment. Other pet names would be, doll, sweet girl, pretty girl, my woman; things like that.

-Unfortunately being the son of John Winchester, Dean grew up with little to no affection. Which left him not really knowing how to show affection. When you first started dating Dean didn’t really say I love you, and was kind of awkward with physical touch. Things like hugging and holding, sweet nothings, thigh grabbing, anything along those lines. Eventually you talked to Dean about it and he opened up to you and told you how he felt. It came down to the fact that he just didn’t know how to do those things the right way. It’s not that he didn’t want to show you affection he just didn’t know how. After that conversation you pretty much showed Dean that it wasn’t awkward to do those things and you pretty much taught him how to show physical affection. You also showed him that it was okay for people to love him. It took him a really long time to believe that he was worth you taking care of him.

-Dean definitely has rejection sensitivity, and very co-dependent with your guys’ relationship. He’d always making sure that the two of you are on good terms and that he hasn’t done anything wrong (again with the way John raised him, he was never able to do anything right in his dads eyes. And he had to earn his father’s love so he thinks he has to earn yours.)

-Once he got comfortable with physical touch, he did it all the time, whether it was holding your hand, waist, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, or when at a table he’d grab your thigh, especially when driving the impala he’d have his hand on your thigh, occasionally going a bit higher. He always had to be touching you.

-I feel like if you were dating Dean you make mixtapes of his and yours favorite songs

-He would definitely let you drive the impala, at first he’d be terrified of you scratching Baby but he’d eventually get comfortable with it.

-We all know how much Dean loves pie. Every town you visited you’d try the local diners pie. So much so you started a little Polaroid book filled with Polaroid pictures of every pie you both tried and rated them in the book, so if you were ever passing by that town again you’d know where and which pie to get.

-One of the gifts he’s gotten you was a pocket knife engraved with his and yours initials and the date of your first technical ‘date’

-When Cas pulled him back from hell it was difficult. Very difficult. Most nights he either couldn’t sleep or if he did eventually fall asleep he’d have night terrors. Once he freaked out and thought you were Alistair and pinned you against the wall, once he came to and woke up he was terrified; of himself. He couldn’t believe he’d hurt you like that. After you convinced him you weren’t mad he broke down crying, he’d been gone for 40 years from his perspective, he’d missed you desperately. Every night he held you tightly and just tried not to loose it at the thought of ever being away from you for that long again.

(If you have any other ideas that you want me to add, my messages are open ! Also this is literally like the first thing I’ve ever written besides some fanfics on wattpad a few years ago so please be kind🤞🏼)

[67ssam]

Just finished season 8…wow. This season took me forever to finish with how busy I’ve been, but here are some of my favorite parts of it! Most of these are gonna be from later episodes since I don’t remember exactly what was from what seasons…

Spoilers ahead.

• Naomi. Oh my God, I love her and I hate her so much. The entirety of this season I despised her. That’s what I love about her character. Forcing Castiel to kill the man he’s closest to over and over again? Genius.

• Purgatory. I mean, this one’s kind of obvious. Though everyone claims the later seasons suck (and, honestly, yeah, they do), this has been one of my favorite plot lines. I love the grit and gore and raw emotion that came out of it. It really reminds me of the earlier seasons. The color grading of the shots flashing back to purgatory are very similar to the color grading in seasons 1-4, and, I dunno if I’m reaching here, but I feel like this was on purpose. Yknow, a callback to when Sam and Dean’s lives were mostly just focused on saving people, hunting things? That’s what Dean had to do to survive purgatory.

• “Where’s the angel?!” “I prayed to you, Cas, every night.” Dean’s never been this loyal to someone who isn’t family. Though, to him, Cas is family. Their relationship isn’t very…familial. Obviously. My interpretation of why Dean views Cas as family is because of his lack of true friendship. He’s never really had any friends before. So, when he gets as close to someone as he has to Cas, he’s convinced that Cas is family to him. What is their relationship, then? Putting Destiel aside, I feel like “profound bond” is truly the only way to describe it. They’re not friends, they’re not family, and they’re not quite lovers either. Their bond transcends any regular relationship, and I find that beautiful.

• Sam’s attempt at a normal life. God, these flashbacks were torture. Seeing Sam trying to live a normal life over and over again is just so utterly painful knowing that he always ends up right back where he started. I wish I had more to add, but it’s really just that.

• Charlie. I know she was introduced in season 7, but I’m including her here. She’s great. Easily one of my favorite characters. Love it when a female character is introduced for a purpose other than being a love interest. And she’s a lesbian! And a nerd! Love her.

• The callback to Sam’s demon blood. When Sam brought up the fact that he’s always seen himself as impure, I cried. I sobbed, actually. That feeling he’s had since he was a child that he could never go on a great quest because he was impure, God, that got me. He saw the trials as a chance to purify himself, cleanse himself of his sins. Ouch. While Dean wanted to do the trials at first because he wanted to die, Sam did them because he wanted a chance at a life free of this thing inside of him that makes him feel like he doesn’t deserve a chance at life. That he’s unclean.

• The bunker. I just thought it was cool. I like that they finally have like, a home base. I think it was a little silly to put it in their hometown, though. It seems too coincidental, and, as far as i’m aware, there’s no real reason for it being located there other than like…they wanted to? Correct me if i’m wrong.

•The finale. Just everything about it. It was beautiful.

HM: Sam’s hair. It was so beautiful. I love Sam so much.

There’s more, I just lowkey wanna get back to watching the show. Okay. Bye.

[vyladerz]

Season 8 didn't start off with a whole ton of hope. In fact it furthered the continuation of the poor characterization from season 7 with the addition of convoluted lore writing. However, after watching the last episode of this season, this show has restored my faith in it. It's like everything clicked together seamlessly, in a way I haven't seen from this show in a long time.

Now, I had a paragraph of complaints when I first wrote this but I'm choosing to let them go.

"So?"

Who knew the most devastating line in this show would be said with only one syllable. My heart sank down to the pit of my stomach when I first heard Sam say it. Oh man, Jared does such an incredible job at his wounding portrayal of Sam in this scene. This is by far his best performance ever (I'm getting choked up here just visualizing the scene in my mind). Sam's soul was purely human here and what a fragile soul at that. His guilt has manifested into a physical sickness and it's so haunting to see. Dean's reaction and apology elevates this moment to a song of sweet harmony. A duet between two sorry brothers who must put aside grudges and feelings of inadequacy to come together as whole. Finally they are able to see eye to eye after so many brutal instances of them being world's apart. A scene like this understands what Supernatural is to its core.

I wish I had more words to describe everything but I'd need more time. Still, god what a memorable scene. It's become my absolute favorite and I'm both intrigued and terrified to see if another scene later on can top it.

Okayyyy so what else did I enjoy?

-The ending was gorgeous with all the angels falling. (I constantly think about when I'm making fake edits in my mind.)

-I love Charlie episodes. I knew I would fall in love her immediately from the start. I'm glad she got some backstory to add some dimension to her character. She's a character I can definitely see getting far in the show.

-I LOVE BENNY! I miss Benny. Absolutely devastated, will not recover from losing him. Sadly, his character was always destined to be a tragedy. Even so, I will forever long for a happy ending for him. The wound is still fresh though so moving on.

-The whole "I need you" scene between Dean and Cas was everything to me and I will savor that scene forever. I will be craving another scene like this going forward. The desperation and intensity drawn from that moment is what I need more of from this show.

-The Parallels between Castiel and Sam this season was UGH so great. They're so willing to sacrifice every bone in their body not for the world (they can tell themselves that) but to save Dean from disappointment. Beautiful symmetry here.

-Sam and Crowley's dynamic is so fascinating. Crowley being slowly restored of his humanity is something I wouldn't have imagined possible in this show. Having Sam, the man who knows the path of forgiveness more than anyone else be the one to do it is perfect. Such an unlikely duo I'm excited to see explored.

-SARAH?? I didn't expect to see Sarah again whatsoever cause 1.) I thought the show would've just moved on and forgotten Sam's promise to return. 2.) I've unfortunately ran into a lot of spoilers but I never saw anyone talk about this so I really didn't expect it at all. I wish their moment lasted longer with more of a kick to Sam's character. I did cry, a lot, so if they wanted an emotional torment they got it. I'm still glad this scene exists though even after my pain and agony.

I really love this show, I hope that comes across here. I started watching Supernatural this year after years of peeking at it through window blinds. Every song reminds me of these silly fictional characters and everywhere I go I see a Supernatural reference. This series means the world to me and the mold in my brain. I know I'm new here spouting things that have been said before, for what, over 15 years? I'm just catching up to the surface of everything. For this review I wanted to leave my complaints for another time so I could romanticize all the good things that have happened and are to come. So if my next ranking is more criticism than praise, then so be it. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't at least fun!

[zmediaoutlet]

spn20rewatch, 1.10: "Do we need to talk about this?"

Possession is the bread-and-butter of Supernatural. Whether it's demons or ghosts or just real bad vibes, seems like there's always something willing to creep into a host like rot and start in on cracking foundations. A favorite line is that demons, in particular, always lie unless they're telling the truth, and really it seems to be that the possessions in general trend toward: what would hurt most? What if it's a truth that could be excused as a lie, but at a deep level there's a truth there that can't ever be told because it would break everything apart?

Asylum is part of a critical episode run in season 1 that reveals tons of details about the Winchester family -- how they operate, the roles they have and what's expected of them, etc., but more importantly how they'll operate into the future. Sam and Dean are brothers and they love each other, but even with their immediate return to a kind of young bro-bantz partnership in the early episode of s1, they aren't truly partners yet in a way that will actually be functional through to the future. There are some old resentments here that haven't been exorcised; more importantly, there's some testing of the relationship that hasn't been done. It's one thing to settle back into your old patterns of boys yoked together and working for your dad -- it's another when that yoke is shattered, and you have to choose what to do about that. Bugs to Home to Asylum to Scarecrow to Faith will really test Sam and Dean and make them into the hunting partners they'll need to be in order to survive what'll come.

Unfortunately, Asylum is the nadir of that testing. Ellicot's insidious work inflates anger and makes people violent and turns things as dark as can be -- but, actually, we don't get any real indication that he makes people feel or say things they don't actually mean. They're just things that have been put away or smoothed over, because saying them would be too awful. Later, soulless!Sam will operate in a similar way to how "Asylum"!Sam operates now -- the filters over the worst hardest truths are just gone, and everyone in his path gets to take them at full force. Dean gets the brunt of it here, first with rock salt to the chest and then with much, much more painful words to follow. He's under no illusions that Sam doesn't mean what he's saying, as we can tell from how flatly he takes Sam's non-apology at the end of the episode. He knows Sam doesn't respect him for being "daddy's good little soldier," and we see from other examples (notably in s3) that Dean doesn't even respect himself for that -- why would Sam feel any differently. It hurts either way, though, especially when we think of a line of dialogue from much, much later -- I thought you'd tell me to get lost, or get dead.

SAM: That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you. DEAN: So what are you gonna do, huh? Are you gonna kill me? [...] SAM pulls the trigger.

Always a delight to have your worst fears be realized. But it's the kind of thing that's needed, structurally, so that when a break happens the bone can be reset cleanly and heal up strong -- which they'll get, eventually. It's just not very much fun, in the meantime.

[skyeoak]

Tmagp 30 thoughts

Vocal performances all slayed. 10/10

I think there’s a lot of good and bad in the finale! But overall, it feels underbaked. (Or overplotted/overplanned?)

I’ll save my finalized thoughts on the hilltop center to see if it’s developed in further seasons, because uh, hmm. Jonny said in the live drop that carousels of horrors were his favorite to write, but they sure are not realllyyyy my favorite to listen to. They’re kind of thematic scattershot. And yeah, one of my critiques about TMA is that I don’t love how we only rarely see how the fears combine and interact. Having multiple creepy things in a curiosity cabinet -com shopping center doesn’t really solve that problem for me.

The idea of a character turning a blind eye to an obviously creepy job is still interesting, especially in how it parallels the staff of the OIAR. But that’s kinda the start and end of my interest in the custodian? It feels like this story could have been shrunk to 1/3 length and had a better effect. I just feel like this should have been a midseason statement, and the finale could have focused on having some sort of action or tension. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting the finale to have a statement at all, to be structurally in line with early TMA. Maybe a full statement/story from Celia, giving the non-TMA audience some idea of why she thinks there’s nothing to go back to in her universe. Hell. Maybe she could just. Tell Sam, uncompelled. I would have loved to see her try to convince him to jump. Convince him that her new life matters more than his (perceived) failure of one. Instead… this is another episode where I feel like the double meaning titles weigh down what the statement could be. And it’s the season finale.

I wondered early on if the finale for this season would feel more like setup for future seasons, and yep. Yep it did. It just felt like there was this inherent tension between the stakes of the story, which are already at interdimensional travel, and the level of danger it feels like everyone is in. Not to mention how Celia just drops a list of alchemical balance things out of the blue. Magnus Protocol is in a tricky situation: they need to set up a new conflict and new characters, and at the same time, Magpod has already done mega-apocalypse hellscapes and so TMagP might feel the need to go bigger. (Imo I don’t think sequels always need to raise the stakes but I understand that’s industry standard). It’s also tackling alchemy, a notoriously complex subject that’s probably hard to explain to an audience in any way that feels natural. You can’t just throw murder worm lady and screaming main character in the finale and call it a day. There’s a lot going on, less time, and I don’t know if the characterization this season was consistent (/consistently good) enough to hold the full weight of it all.

OKAY, WHELMED THOUGHTS OVER, now for the good! Surprise surprise, it’s all the little character payoffs!

Gwen and Lena’s confrontation was EVERYTHING. Gwen is kicking anthills, and Lena is so content to let her stand in them while the ants crawl up her legs. I won’t lie though, I’m not sure if this plotline will be interesting to me. I think it depends on how fast the OIAR staff can get Gwen to actually be on their side.

Sam deciding to protect Celia by pushing the archivist into the void is SENSATIONAL CHARACTER PAYOFF. (This is my interpretation of the scene, audio was super unclear once again, and there was a line change from transcript to podcast that made this super ambiguous in the actual canon audio.) My poor guy has ZERO self esteem, and still wants to be a hero. He probably realized that if what Celia just told him was true, an archivist could actually kill her on the spot. My guess is that (tma spoilers) this balanced the rift not because Celia replaced her own missing soul (plenty of folks got sent through hilltop road in that same incident) but because an archivist+a person were pulled through to replace Jon and Martin. Truly excited to see where they end up, and if this archivist gets developed more as a character next season. Also the implications of interdimensional balance on what happened at the end of TMA are… interesting.

Oh Alice. Everything in this intricately balanced house of checking up on people and soothing them and deflecting tension with jokes is about to come crashing down. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

And yes, this is a super lukewarm episode review but I do wanna say I liked this season a lot, and TMAGP is still a cut above a LOT of horror I have read/listened to this year. I’m hoping seasons 2 and 3 will either steer further into a direct TMA sequel, angle OR steer clear and become their own thing. TMAGP is stuck uncomfortably in the middle right now. Just be the good parts of her. But completely new.

[oneofthosecrazycatladies]

Hi there! I found your blog because of your monthly posts keeping track of the news in the US. First of all, I want to say THANK YOU for that! It’s so helpful!!! But as I scrolled through your blog I noticed you reblog a lot of Interview with the Vampire content. I LOVE IWTV so I wanted to ask what are you most looking forward to in season 3?

Hello Anon! First off, I’m glad to know that you find those posts helpful, it really means a lot to me!

Now onto your other question. I think what I’m most looking forward to is just finally getting a screen adaptation of The Vampire Lestat (Queen of the Damned (2002) doesn’t count).

I’m a big fan of the books and I’m actually just a huge fan of vampire fiction more broadly and Lestat is, like, one of my all time favorite vampires and Sam Reid is just so good at portraying him.

I really enjoyed the first two seasons so I feel pretty confident they’ll do a good job. From what I’ve seen in interviews that Sam Reid has done, it seems like he really cares about Lestat as a character so I think he’ll keep the writers in line if they don’t do Lestat’s backstory justice.

More specifically, I am just dying to see Devil’s Minion finally come to fruition. We got a little taste of it in season 2. 2x05 was like the appetizer but now I need the main course.

And of course I’m really looking forward to Loustat being reunited. I really hope the show doesn’t do all the on-again-off-again that the books did. That always really annoyed me, like just let them be together and be happy!!!

I know the show has changed things with regards to all four main characters (Louis, Lestat, Daniel, Armand) which makes it harder to predict exactly what direction the show will go in especially with Daniel and Armand (as individuals and as a couple).

And finally…Gabrielle. I think pretty much everyone in the fandom feels the same. Considering everything going on with trans people and the culture of transphobia right now, however they handle Gabrielle I think will say a lot.

Other things, um, I hope we see Claudia again, either ghost Claudia or Claudia in flashbacks (or both). I swear if they don’t have Lestat give his “Claudia was my dark child, my love, evil of my evil” speech I will absolutely lose my shit and boycott the rest of the show. I am so fucking tired of all the people saying Lestat never loved Claudia because he absolutely did. And she loved him.

Those are my main things that I can think of off the top of my head.

Oh! One other thing that I’m definitely holding my breath for. It makes absolutely no sense to me the way some people in this fandom treat Akasha as some Feminist GirlBoss™️ so I really hope the writers treat her as the villain/abuser that she is. Honestly there are other female characters in The Vampire Chronicles that are way better than Akasha.

But you know what I’m not looking forward to? The fact that season 3 won’t air until 2026. Like what the fuck AMC??? Like I understand there were the strikes between season 1 & 2 but they don’t have that excuse this time. And also…they do realize the show is about vampires right??? Vampires that don’t age? What’s gonna happen when the very human actors inevitably start showing visible signs of aging? I mean for god’s sake Eric Bogosian is already in his 70s!

Ugh anyway, there’s so much other stuff in the world to stress about so I’m not gonna stress out about this too. I’ll just keep rewatching the first two seasons and rereading the books and hopefully the premiere date will be here before we know it!

[kittyplushy]

Soul Touch [1/2]

Author's note: Happy House Guest Monthsary!!! My mind has been flooded with the sappiness of deep infatuation before the Horrors barge in!! I wanted to write something pre-relationship, something soft and nice and pretentiously sweet like the little town that homes them. Happy House Guest Monthsary!!

P.S. Yes Penderverse Knuckles reference. I love you She Loves You arc.

December 2nd, 1987

I might be slowly slipping out of the motivation to continue such a project. Maybe it's the weather. The temperature has been dropping each day and my body clock compels me to commit less these days. It even prevents me from committing emotionally some days. To my favorite side project or to this untitled goose chase. I could not promise myself that my props would be ready by Christmastime. I think I'll have to endure all the queries and invitations. No, no, but maybe I'll have something ready by Valentine's. But my body now is focused on getting me home and running a long bath. It might be easy to catch a fish in this weather, but God knows a body isn't as satisfying when it's colder and limper. The stream doesn't flow like a fall with most of my catches in this season. But it's the most I can do for myself today. My hands are almost frigid from the frost. I have to get back now.

Passing through the boulevard bound back to Woodbrook, a line of people formed from the sidewalk as they all appear to be hailing taxis. Most of them holding boxes and bags, carrying children, or sharing a moment with another, shopping bag between them. Then there's a person in a bright pink parka. I slowed the truck to get a better look at the familiar sight. Well wouldn't you know it, Julianne was in the city today. Her eyes were focused on how long the queue was getting. I blew the horn immediately to catch the feline's attention. Her tail jumped up from shock, and looked around before noticing my car, squinting to make out my silhouette.

"Hey Julianne!" I smiled after quickly rolling down my window. Her expression changes from confused to shocked, a weak smile curling from her lips.

"Oh my god- hi Sam!" Julianne's voice was shrill with an excitement or nervousness "Just waiting for a cab."

"I'm headed back. Want a ride?" I shut myself up realizing what I just offered. The seats back there looked clean. I cleaned my apron and goggles. Nothing here smells like blood. I return my attention to Julianne. She nods, picking up a carboard box she was trudging along. I got myself out and carried the box into the back seat. She only gets inside when I give her a nod. She sighs in relief entering the truck, enjoying the warmth yet that nervousness doesn't wash off her face. I playfully nudge her shoulder before starting the engine.

"You can relax now. I'm not your boss...Now, what do you say?"

"Thank you." Julianne says with a sincere smile. Her eyes only meet mine for a second then she looks down at her feet.

"What brings you here? I thought you said you hated the city."

Julianne leans into the door looking out into the passing world. I chuckle to myself how obvious she's being. I've seen the signs and the symptoms of people with crushes. I'd rather they not act that way towards me. It looks endearing on her though. Maybe it's a waste if I wait this project out til Spring. The trap is ready and set. She composes herself before softly replying.

"It's a free day. I just wanna...get in a crowd and disappear in a crowd. Do you know what I mean? As much as I like being..a new face in Woodbrook going back to a place like this puts me back in perspective."

Her voice dreamy with a fond cynicism. Speaking of disappearing...

"You're not worried a...bear is gonna come and get you then you do disappear, do you?" I joked.

"Hey, where are you taking me?" Julianne snapped back, her smile growing as she laughed with me. Her expression mellows down again playing with her thumbs as we drive through the winding road to home.

"Don't get so quiet now, we still have 30 minutes together."

"Well, what do you do in the city?"

"I meet with a few business associates there. They supply me the paint and other stock that sells well. There's 3 I go to. Then if I feel like it, I walk to Com-Foods' commissary to pick up some goodies before going home." I half lied.

"Com-Foods! I..I did go to the commissary today. I got...let's see..those chocolate marshmallows, ice gems, and chocolate chip cookies." She lit up. "What do you usually get?"

"Chocolate chip and butter cookies. Are you stocking up for a project..?"

She shook her head looking a little offended.

"Sure, but Christmas is almost here. Do the children go carolling around? And to serve as..quick gifts to some of the kind friends I've made so far.." The nervousness in her voice returns.

"Hopefully a lot more this year. After last year, lots of parents didn't want to take that risk right away. Only saw maybe 3 kids with their parents. Hey, you could give some to my friend's kids. I think they'll appreciate it."

She nods as she thinks of a reply. Nothing comes out. Her expression is confused trying to make up a story or a follow up but I hold her hand down.

"I was just teasing you. Do you want me to turn the heater up a bit?"

Those last 15 minutes were painfully dull. The radio could only slur out spasms of melodies as the weather got worse. Julianne filled those gaps with humming or thinking out loud. We parked behind her apartment building and walked in to everyone huddled in the common space. A few eyes followed us upstairs with suspecting glances. I settled her box down next to a shoe rack.

She whispered me thank you again before quickly running off to the kitchen. She came back a minute later holding a pair of scissors.

"Hey, don't run with that in your hand."

She ignored me scolding her to rip a line through the tape on the cardboard. She pulled out a bag of chocolate chip cookies and wordlessly placed it in my hands. She smiled at me again.

I grinned back. I don't know how I felt at that moment but it probably was not as intense as it was for her. I came home that night spending a longer time in the water wondering what that girl was doing to me.

Click.

.

.

.

December 5th, 1987

Yes, I am well aware of the fact people have crushes on me. It's mostly innocent- but I'm usually uninterested. I don't do relationships like that until I consider it necessary. This is necessary. I can't stand being an object of pity. It isn't completely selfish either. She'll reap all the benefits of dating me in the end. I just want the attention away from my hands.

Yet if she's just a means to my end, why do I picture her smiling when open up the cookie jar? I try and redirect my mind somewhere else, and believe me, I nearly got it. I just nearly broke the jar. It is a sweet gesture though. My other suitors have done nothing other than talk. I can be bribed with a bag of Com-Foods chocolate chip though. Some people can just read me better.

My mind wanders back to the truck in those 15 minutes to the apartment building. The signals shift from Golden Apple's broadcast to the Woodbrook radio playing underground music. Julianne rambles quickly about an emerging art band that started a telephone service from their home studio. Each hour or so a new song plays through their answeing machine. One of their debut songs play between static and she softly sings to complete the puzzle. She tells me I should call it and I think of the telephone bill.

I'm transferring important numbers, dates, addresses, and sticky notes into this new journal. I can't help but preserve the last few pages though as they detail all the close encounters I've had with that cat: The day she moved into town, the first time she came into the shop, photos of the bare apartment, and information I've pulled out of her that might be important later on. Everything else is going into an open fire. Julianne begins to consume every thought  and decision I had and will have moving forward. In a desperation march to move my mind away from more petty violence or saintly canonization, it feels like I'm reaching out to take her, and flow her body down through a stream with mine. I could not figure out how to do it naturally though. I don't do well with romance. The last time I attempted it nineteen years ago blew up on my face and even up to now that relationship further rottens under the rug. Julianne is just so easy to please though. She's so young. Maybe it's her first shot at anything at all. She likes me. It's stupidly obvious.

I haven't been flattered to be liked like that in a long while.

She has this affection for almost anything she will lay her eyes on. I leave my heart blank or neutral to anything particularly sappy. Keep myself agreeable enough to be liked. It's just that excitement for everything that's slowly infecting my senses. The library has this gigantic poster with the names of stars and constellations. I find myself staring and reading it for seconds, maybe minutes more, memorizing the shapes and the titles. Imagine the look on her face when I could properly point to her where the hunter's belt is.

I'm not anchoring myself to her in any way. I promise.

387-6962.

The phone brrs for a moment until the click of a button is heard on the opposite side. A chalky sounding, music box-like melody plays gently.

Stormy pinkness

Human weakness

Fills my Johnny Cup with gloom

I smile a bit. It sounds like something she would say. The charm of such an unessential service shines like a golden ring amongst every other 800-number I've seen on TV.

Your progression

My digression

Forty days this afternoon

The things we cherish are small indeed

So much the larger the need

Stormy pinkness

Let me thanklessly free

Such is the sound of young love. It sounds like a night of slam poetry. A young man's voice on the other end thanks me for calling up their quirky service. In the stillness of the closed shop I listen on, hang up, and call again. It sounded nice. Like a tune you hear during a dance scene in a movie. Or the track you skip over in your favorite album. I don't consider looking at things I don't already like for other people. Julianne does have an interesting taste in music though. I don't mind it. At least that's another thing we can talk about next time.

Click.

.

.

.

December 7th, 1987

Who am I kidding walking straight to Julianne's apartment building first thing in the morning today? I look suspicious to a lot of the residents there. I mean, they know me. They buy from me. The landlady sends me a basket every Easter. But the mere fact I was here yesterday for one thing and then again is enough to raise a brow at my intentions. Julianne left yesterday and hasn't returned. I don't know why I felt offended, maybe even sad at the thought of her gone. I was excited to tell her I called up that phone number she rambled on about.

I wish I had her number. There would be no middle ground or lobby to pass through to get to her. I was already making a spectacle of myself coming so often to the space.

I could not focus today. I was feigning between closing early and waiting outside the apartment or just giving up and going home. I was just begging to see her at this point. A glimpse of anything at all. My eyes out the window waiting for a taxi or someone wearing pink. I must be slipping out of it again. It's starting to get desperate. It's beginning to get dark.

I've been standing at the door for almost two hours now. My eyes are wide open. The silence begins to sound like static. I wait painfully, unable to move to show my face again to that lobby. I've been hoping..and hoping..and hoping..

Someone in white passes by.

They look up the sign and at the door and she yells.

"OH MY GOD! Oh, oh it's..hi Sam." She looks at me like I've been playing dead. I push the door open finally as the cold wind welcomes me outside.

"Crap, you..I mean, you look so pale. How long have you been like that?" She laughs at the absurdity of the situation.

"I just closed the store. I didn't mean to look so frozen in thought, it's just been happening to me a lot lately."

"Sounds like a lot's on your mind. Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shake my head. I could barely get myself to focus. My eyes looks all over her form. The white dress with roses. It's a lot more formal than the spaghetti straps or frilly shirts. She looks lovelier this way. I don't know.

"Well..I'll take that as a no. Sorry. I'm just going home now."

"Do you want me to drive you back?" I urgently asked. My chest feels heavy. She purses her lips.

"Your house..I mean, the residential area is on the other end of town, you don't have to.."

"It's late, isn't it? Now get inside." My tone sounded almost like a command. Maybe I've secretly anticipated this to happen. Like a dream coming true. She comes to sit next to me again and we drive off to the red building at the edge of town.

"I..called that Dial A Song number two days ago." That sentence instantly lit her eyes up. She excitedly looks to me.

"Really? What song were they playing then?"

"I'm not sure. Stormy Pinkness. It sounded cute. Do they have other songs?"

Her hands toyed with each other with this bursting enthusiasm. She could not stop giggling all of a sudden.

"Oh I like that one..I've heard it maybe once on the phone and I do hope they put it on their new project..and..yes, they are working on a new album. But! Their debut album is still in circulation. You might find it in the kids' section though. Most of their songs have a bit of a morbid undertone that I really like."

"Okay. Did they change the song again like John promised today?"

"I haven't called. I didn't call. I met up with Marigold in Washington yesterday...it's my birthday today. We just had a catch up trip there.. Marigold is a work friend from..my old uh..office job."

I parked the truck a block away from the building to avoid being seen again.

"You should have told me earlier. Happy birthday, kitty."

"I'm 25 already. I'm not a kitty anymore." She hesitates before opening the door. She looks back and opens her mouth, mumbling out a question.

"Do you wanna.."

"Yes?"

"..Do you wanna call Dial A Song with me..right now? I-I also brought home some..sticky rice treats from my.."

And the moment after that, my body felt like it was acting out of its system. It followed her upstairs and into her room. I think I looked stupid to the women hanging around the lobby coming in with her at 9:28 pm but I just could not care less when I sat down on the floor with the receiver on my ear. I couldn't tell if that was an accordion or a trumpet. But her face is so close to mine as we shared the phone listening to it for the first time.

Hi this is John Flansburgh of They Might Be Giants. You're tuning into Dial A Song, your one way ticket to Brooklyn. Call back for another song tomorrow.

"What..what's your..telephone number?"

"Oh, it's 387-6962"

"No, your telephone." My embarrassment was resurfacing "I..I don't want them to get the wrong idea being with you all the time here."

Julianne's face softened with sadness. She carefully puts the phone down.

"I..I mean we..aren't that though. Yeah..It does look weird but I don't see it as weird at all." She whispers "Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?"

"No. I'm not. I don't know though because you do seem to lean towards a certain type. Woodbrook's safe and all but maybe you don't want to be seen with me and have it be interpreted another way."

She blushes. We lay down on the floor for a while until she reaches for a pad and scribbles down something.

"Thanks though. I don't mind being seen with you. Here's my number. You can take home as much malagkit as you like."

She slides the pad between my fingers and rests her palm on my knuckles.

"I could tell you like me though. You're a bit obvious."

"What?"

I pocket the paper as I walk away. I look back to her before I close the door.

"I'll call them again tomorrow. Goodnight, Julianne."

What is that woman doing to me...

Click.

.

.

.

December 11th, 1987

The Bijou Theatre hasn't received any new blockbusters to premiere. Most of whatever is out at the moment in the cities is being reserved for Christmas week. They're bringing out their collection from earlier in the decade. Annie is playing from today until December 22nd. I've seen the movie once. I couldn't tell you anything other than it's a musical and it takes your mind off of work. I could also tell you Julianne is obsessed with the film. She has a tape of the movie displayed on her work shelf. She said it was her favorite movie during college and comforted her when she came to America. We could watch the movie on her TV set any time but I think I owe it to her as a birthday gift or a pacifier after making her feel bad nights ago. It's like the perfect excuse fell right into my lap. Right before walking to work, I called her telephone hoping she'd be awake by now. Thankfully someone picked up.

"Mmh..Julianne Lucky here, good morning."

"Hi, Julianne."

.

"Oh, ah..hiya Sam. How are you?" I could almost see her flushed face from here.

.

"Just about to go to work. I heard Bijou Theatre is gonna screen Annie tomorrow."

.

"A-Annie? The..the John Huston adaptation?"

.

"Think that's it. The little orphan poodle."

.

"Oh man, I guess I have to go then. It's been a bit rough lately, I need to watch it again." She overshares.

.

"I know. Would the lady of the house be busy tomorrow evening?"

.

"Ah..uhm..oh gosh..I don't think so. Sam, are you?"

.

"No, I can close the store early. Will you come watch it with me?"

.

"Well..if you don't mind then. Yes! Yes I will. If you aren't embarrassed to see me."

.

"I'm not, I promise I'm not. If it'd help I can pick you up at the apartment, or--"

.

"Let's just meet in front of Bijou, okay?" Her voice was breathy with excitement. "Thank you. I..I'll see you."

She hangs up the phone. The contagious feeling of young love streams from the telephone cord. I lean back on the door silently after putting the phone down. Oh. She said yes. I'm doing it. I'm running headfirst into the forest and not looking back. She said yes. The invitation alone was already so dizzying. It feels different inviting a stranger to a movie. For a moment I lost sight of why I was even persuing it in the first place. Maybe after tomorrow I'll be back to how I usually feel about big romantic gestures like these but I stood there for a moment with my forehead in my hand. Imagining. Dreaming of it.

She likes me.

And that's enough for the lamb to curiously look into the trap.

Click.

[fukutomichi]

It's RAMBLE TIIIME!!! Okay, I think I can talk about it now, probably most have seen the episodes. It's a bit longish! Here we go!

That first episode is so far my favorite, because above all else, I'm a GIGANTIC fan of visual storytelling and show-don'tell, and that first episode had me FEASTING. You can probably tell by my gifsets that I love when actors emote and act without dialog using only emotions and facial expressions to get the message out. Episode 1 gave us so much of it. And dare I say bordering a bit on horror/gore a bit, those first few minutes with Sauron in his "desk job era" had me surprised by how brutal it got quickly.

If people are wondering if they're gonna do the Celebrimbor thing, and if THAT is gonna be too brutal to show, this might confirm that they may not shy away from it at all.

I love the fact that they took the criticism that was mentioned for the first two-three episodes in Season 1, when I was actually kinda worried that the pace was going a bit TOO slow and it took three weeks, when the story moves to Númenor , for the series to fully kick in gear. This time they were like, lets get the set-up out of the way, all at once, and then release week after week. Lets see if this decision pays of in the next weeks ahead.

So lets get this out of the way. I had a hunch with Nazanin Boniadi missing from promos and interviews that they are gonna off her character right away. Turns out that there was even an announcement before that I've completely missed and I was gutted when I found out, but in the end of the day, a job is still a job, and if it affects you in anyway, it's probably best to leave it. I have had a first hand experience in this and no matter how high the pay was, my health was much more important than anything and had to quit. I'm gonna miss her and wish her the best!

Arondir and Theo's relationship gets back to square one, so I'm interested to see in what way or IF it gets mended cause man, I dunno how they can pull it off this time. BUT I do LOVE that they've paired Theo alongside Isildur which is a character he can empathize with so I wanna see where that leads. My friends immidiatelly groaned when they heard "Gawddd the ARROW really?? =___="...and then remembered about a tiny movie called The Hobbit and what happened to Kili. We had to go to Hobbit logic to explain it away and move on lol.

The new character Estrid, was IMMEDIATELY suss as HELL to me. Even after she burned her sigil on her back so she can hide it. I've been listening to her soundtrack theme, and almost like as if its made from two layers, feels almost TOO magical for her even. But this is just my hunch. Isildur is still too wide-eyed and naive so maybe she will serve some purpose in him getting a bit jaded later on.

ORC BABIES!! HELLO!! I love that we're getting deeper into the orcish origins and probably everyone's favorite topic, are they redeemable?? Can they be??? I also love that we got to have two Adars. Season 1 we had Joseph Mawle with an almost vulnerable portrayal and what seemed like a suicide mission for him. Now for Season 2 we get Sam Hazledine, with his goal complete AND him still alive, a more driven and focused character...but is he gonna survive THIS season?? 😭

We know Adar also mentions how he meets Sauron for the first time...but that doesn't stop me from AGAIN, thinking that he IS MAGLOR. Come one maaaan, the hand!!! "In the eldest of the Elder days" you don't just drop a line like that causally. DROP THAT REVEAL!!!

WE NEED MORE OF THE HARFOOTS!!! WE NEED MORE WIZARDS!!! These 3 eps were not enough for me lol. I'm just beyond excited for Tom Bombadil!! Please have Goldberry, please have Goldberry!!

Disa and Durin are still relationship goals. UGHHH!! They will have me stressed!

I ain't gonna lie. When that giant eagle landed before Pharazôn, there were a few seconds where I was buttclenching thinking he was gonna pull his sword and swing it on the bird...but then Manwë would probably descend and obliterate Númenor in seconds and the series would be over lol. Númenor will have me stresseeeed. The Petty Lord and his Queen WILL RUIN MEEEH!! 😭 😭 😭

Ben Daniels as Cirdan is an A+++ casting choice. Kinda bummed that he hasn't talked properly with Gil-Galad tho. Make different characters interact more with each other damn iiiiit!!! Let us see them establish connections!!

That being said, my favorite part so far, and are probably gonna be the central focus of this season, are the elves. Their strive for perfection, thinking themselves SO infallible, beyond prideful, are gonna be the very things that bite them in the ass...again lol.

And it's important for us to see that, cause THAT is the extent of Sauron's evil, we need to witness just how much he can mess you up and how much he enjoys playing the game, in the same time thinking himself savior and deserving of love. How much PURE good you have to be to resist him. Elrond so far has proven able to resist, given his past.

Galadriel is on the brink. If listening to "The Last Temptation" tells me something...Galadriel so far hasn't learned her lesson and thinking herself able to resist.

I believe there's a gut-punch coming up in the finale and I'm not gonna be ready for it. And yet, as much as I don't like it, WE NEED TO SEE IT! We need to see how evil can be tempting and irresistible, that even an infallible being can fail.

After all, it's all downhill from here.

[roublardise]

one year ago I started posting my dear destiel fic THE WAY HOME 🌈🌱💍 (ao3 - carrd - post)

I've talked about it through ask games, I'm still adding things to my general fic tag. and I'm still always eager to share my writer's commentary at any opportunity!!

.

so to celebrate, I wanted to share some of my favorite lines from chapter 1 🥰 it's such a solid exposition I love it a lot

Dean is going to be late.

banger of a first line considering *gestures to everything* this both set up a huge theme in a very simple way AND is a crumb of ADHD!Dean AND calls back to the Grand Gesture

It's not a coldness from the night nor the very slight breeze, he realizes. It's from a lack of warmth. Like a spot in a bed no one has slept in during the last three days. [...] Like a spot a body turns back to in the morning, searching for the contentment felt just a moment ago.

THESIS!! you search for what you once had. but the bed got cold in your absence and you can warm it again but it'll never feel the same.

“You staying long?” More small talk. “Probably not.” And here goes whatever hope he still had. “As I said, it wasn't an emergency so.. I should fly back tomorrow.” Cas gives him another awkward almost-smile. Dean hates it.

Cas is lying here btw. which is a very stupid lie bc he will see Dean again, obviously, considering his plans. but he lies nonetheless I love a guy who lies and makes the reader go 'uh? wasn't he staying? he said he was staying.' keep you on your toes!! WILL he be staying!? 🧐

“Are you..” Dean makes a vague hand gesture. He doesn't even know what he's trying to describe by encompassing all of Cas. “..you know?”

underrated funniest line TO ME!!!

.

song of the chapter: 'tis the damn season - Taylor Swift & Thursday - Holly Humberstones

other fun facts:

I'm the one who, like, melted my carpet once

there're 6 Taylor Swift's references in this chapter

the reason I gave Dean chronic migraines instead of the most logical choice (Sam) is bc Dean is the main character here and I wanted to. thematically I do beautiful things with it, the ice-pick migraine scene hello???

Dean & Crowley watching Mozart l'opéra rock might seem like pure self-indulgence (it is) BUT ALSO. we know Dean enjoys musicals, and I think he would love MoR. it's literally about doomed gay love & internalized homophobia & life regrets & bdsm. ofc it's a drowley musical.

MoR is available on HD with english subtitles on youtube btw and it's one of the greatest musical ever

[kitheking]

Redacted Awards 2024 🌟 my submission post

hihihi so i nominated myself for Samuel Collin’s #1 fan and this is my attempt at convincing you why i should win. you might wanna sit down for this one <3

1. Sam’s playlist is how i discovered the Redacted Audio community bc he was the first character I ever listened to

2. he’s southern and I have spent half of my life being in the south so him and i are basically soul tied

3. I knew Sam was the Duke of the Solaire Clan WAY before it was revealed because i had a dream about it

4. i also had a hunch his eyes were brown pre-turning. i’m just that good.

5. Even after listening to other RA characters like Milo, Vincent, David (some of my other fav characters when i first started listening to the channel) etc, I was still drawn to Sam (because his character is written so well)

- I honestly love how we still don’t know everything about Sam’s life pre-turning in detail besides his relationship with his grandma. like he’s so mysterious

- he was originally a flawed character (when he was featured in Fredericks storyline) and that’s honestly what drew me to him more

6. he knows what the omegaverse and uses his knowledge to tease the pack, which is something i would 100% do (were like the same person)

7. He’s my comfort character, and I have rewatched his playlist so many times to the point where I have the: Moonlit Meeting With a Vampire, Vampire Tends to Your Injuries, Getting Closer to Your Vampire Mate, Cuddles and Confessions With Your Vampire Mate, Warming Up With Your Vampire Mate, Solstice Party With The Werewolf Pack, Going All the Way With Your Vampire Mate, Your Vampire Mate Makes You a Promise, Your Vampire Mate Tries to Learn a Video game, Cuddling Up and Watching a Scary Movie With Your Vampire Mate, Heating Up In The Bedroom w/ Your Vampire Mate Audios ALL memorized bar for bar…. and the moving in audio.. and cuddly morning audios (with and without asher)… and all the quinn audios.. uhhh the valentine’s day one…. all his lines in the summit and inversion… and the club one. Yeah i think that’s it. Oh yeah and the HBS one in the pool. Can you believe i just typed all that? 🔥

8. I have never related to an asmr listener more than i have related to darlin

9. I actually start to tweak when I go more than 3 months without a new Sam audio (i was struggling until i heard from him in the wedding audio)

10. my bio has included a Sam quote for 2 years now

11. here’s a few of my posts about sam that i think represent how much i think of him

majority of my posts have something to do w him and i post the most when a new sam audio drops

12. His favorite season is fall. guess what my favorite season is? BOOM. Guess what season my birthday just so happens to be in? EXACTLY.

13. Sam’s character helped me realize that I should never be ashamed to ask for help and that I never have to struggle alone

14. Umm this post? like c’mon i dare you to say i’m not dedicated

okay i’ll stop now! honestly my chance of winning is low cause there’s like a billion other people who are nominated for Sam’s #1 fan but that’s ok! if any of said ppl see this post good luck!

@plaqying thank you for coming up with this i’m genuinely so excited wether i win anything or not

[sol-dial]

This is so random and purely a ramble for me but like..okay Avengers Assemble Season 1, episode 14 was :chef’s kiss: because it was such a lil domestic vibe episode and I loved it so much! It was so silly! (Shoutout to the Marvel HQ YouTube channel for posting the full episode for free! Hoping it doesn’t get unlisted lol

Spoilers for this episode ahead, long post! Gonna go into semi long detail.

If structure looks wonky, it’s cuz I’m writing on my phone qwq. All photos were screenshotted on my phone from the episode so hope the quality isn’t too bad q__q

Alright so the episode begins with Hawkeye (Clint) making the best sandwich ever!

Then Jarvis interrupts him since woah something in the sky is falling and I guess Clint is the only one who can save it? Anyways, he goes and boom it’s Hulk?!

Turns out, Hulk lost his memory of who he is, how he got there, and who the Avengers are. But he only knows “The world is gonna end!” and boom, stakes set.

Clint takes Hulk back to Avengers tower where Steve and Sam are and the situation is explained. Tony is there too, virtually (“Holo chatting” he says. So like, hologram chatting since obviously the rest of the Avengers can see Tony’s face and vice versa. To me, it’s cool for that to be established qwq)

Anyways the reason for the holo chatting is because on Earth, weird storms are present everywhere (also multitasking king Tony, he was talking and saving a tanker from sinking in intense waves!)

So Tony is working on taking care of the storms while Sam, Clint, and Steve went to try to get back Hulk’s memories!

But the surprising thing is, nobody exactly knows what Hulk does besides smashing.

Oh also, Hulk has a glass figurine collection in his room, which surprises everyone on the team because they correlate Hulk to being an angry, smashing mess so seeing this gentler side of him is surprising!

Clint finds a receipt of where Hulk went to a bowling alley and so the group goes there. And then The Thing (Ben) from the Fantastic Four attacks Hulk! Turns out, during a weekly bowling match (which the team was surprised to learn about), there was an argument if Ben went over the bowling line:

So, a fight broke out and Ben accidentally hit a gas pipe and kabloom! Hulk just left and Ben is upset, claiming it’s “The end’a world!” since that was the only bowling area with big enough shoes for the both of them *sad violin music*

Anyways, the Avengers believed that Hulk was exaggerating about it being the end of the world so they think the job is done buuuut Tony holo chats them and says that the storms are getting insanely worse and that Hulk might be right so more adventure!

So we learn that Hulk left with Spider-Man and cue the Avengers finding him selling hotdogs (lol it’s silly he said “The Avengers? Yes! This is so the end of the world!” while attempting to sell hotdogs. random but stay with me)

Turns out, Spider-Man was passing by and noticed Hulk being sad (about the bowling incident) and invited him to talk it over hotdogs (and he wanted to pay too like that’s so sweet).

However, Hulk’s appetite was very big soo he ate a bunch and then suddenly left Spider-Man, who had to pay for it all lol

And suddenly, Spider-Man points to a rainbow behind them and Hulk jumps in and the Avengers follow (*sad violin sounds* rip Spider-Man he was left alone and still has to pay)

It was a portal to another dimension where they meet Glorion, who is frequently visited by Hulk since he is the one who makes Hulk’s glass figurines.

Here is one of my favorite moments of the episode (you NEED to hear the voice delivery it is HILARIOUS I beg you to hear it!!):

Steve: “There’s a file on him in Avengers Tower. You guys don’t read the files?

Clint: “We got to get you a hobby, Cap.”

Steve: “…reading files is my hobby.”

(The line delivery RAHH WATCH THE EPISODEE!)

Glorion revealed that Thor was there (who we haven’t seen all episode by the way) and Hulk and Thor began fighting. While the Avengers try to ask Hulk where is Thor, Hulk just suddenly throws up o_o

(Gosh I love this show’s facial expressions)

Suddenly a parasite creature is found from the pile of thrown up debris and attacks the Avengers. When Hulk notices the damage they are all causing at Glorion’s place from the fight, he gets upset and just rips apart the creature and then apologizes to Glorion, to the surprise of the Avengers. And Glorion is just excited because he’s a creator of life and Hulk is a destroyer (omg they mentioned that earlier but I like that comparison because they respect each other!)

They are interrupted when Tony is asking about their whereabouts since other dimension and can only get to them through audio and Tony is urgently telling them to return to Avengers Tower.

Hulk brings a severed limb from the creature back to the tower. Once they make it back to Earth, tornadoes and overall sever weather chaos so uh oh

Tony does his genius thing and turns out there is lunar dust on the limb and figures out the dent on Hulk’s face is from Mjölnir, aka Thor’s hammer!

And suddenly Tony reveals to the rest of the team that while he was working on checking seismic activities , Hulk and Thor were fighting as per usual and he got so tired of it, he told them (in his exact words): “You two want to beat each other to a pulp, take it to the moon.”

WHYYY did he not mention this earlier??! I want to say because he was busy with all the severe weather slowly getting worse (valid reason) buuut probably cuz plot buuut it’s whatever qwq

So they all head to the moon and let me just share this hilariously intense screenshot that has no business being funny, considering the stakes:

(it’s meme template worthy but I digress)

Anyways so they find the creature, which according to Thor consumes planets. It’s burrowed in the moon and y’know if it destroys the moon, earth is doomed, so even more stakes!

Thor explains that it was Hulk’s idea for Thor to hit him and send him back to earth. Epic epic

Then Hulk seems to be distressed over a shiny thing continuously being smushed and when Sam get flattened (and the shiny thing under him), Hulk rushes to him and he just yeets Sam away it’s hilarious but makes sense once it reveals that it is a glass figurine and HOW did it not break?? I guess it’s made of inter dimensional glass lmao

(sobbing because I reached the 10 picture limit and literally all these screenshots are perfect soo sacrifices (*´Д｀*)

The parasite creature consumes the glass figurine and Hulk goes smash mode and just leaps into its mouth and rips it apart (to the absolute surprise and horror of the rest of the Avengers, who just let him do his thing

And yay Hulk remembers who he is!

The episode ends off with the Avengers, who are exhausted (I mean, dealing with severe weather, interdimensional travel, fighting a parasite creature that could destroy earth, very understated damn) and just in awe that Hulk actually does things besides smashing

Steve looks lost in thought, probably reflecting. Clint is just in awe, Tony also looks pensive, and Sam is tired. End scene!

Idk maybe it’s just me but I love that this episode let the Avengers learn about their own teammate because y’know appearances aren’t everything!

If you read this far, thanks! I did NOT expect to go in such a huge deep dive of a single episode but welp, here we are. I beg of you, watch the episode! It’s free! And so amazing! :D

[kelzebub]

3, 2, 1, go favorite ZR missions and moments from the first two seasons or the 5k training prequel

Well, I'm sick and avoiding my family (so I don't spread germs... and because I honestly have no energy for them right now lol) so I'm finally getting to this.

My favorite ZR missions from way back in s1 and 2? Man, everyone's favorite is obviously A Voice in the Dark and I'm not immune to it. I love it too. But another that really sticks with me is s1m15, Virtuous Circle. On the surface it's silly: oh sure, let's risk Runner Five's life for a dumb game she's not even interested in playing, that doesn't even really matter when survival is at stake.

Turns out, Runner Five had a lot to learn. And by Runner Five, of course, I mean me.

When you're young, you think that people in their 30s and 40s are old, and that we either have everything figured out, or that we know nothing. Neither of those are true (unless you're talking about Knowing in the Socratic sense) - we're actually always learning, always growing, and always able to be influenced if we allow ourselves. And this app has taught me some things even at my advanced age, so bear with my ancient crone ramblings here, especially since I'm sick and fuzzy-headed.

First off, fun is important. Sam and Maxine talk about morale, but they're really onto something. We really do need fun to thrive. We need art, music, games, dancing, stories, whatever, in order to feel human and enjoy life. It looks a little different for everyone. Maybe your idea of fun is meticulously lining up columns of numbers on an Excel spreadsheet, maybe it's wild parties full of drugs and sex that go on all night, or one of millions of other things people do - but it really matters that you have something you enjoy in life. In short, without fun, we get sick, both mentally and physically.

Secondly, We don't just need it as individuals. We need it collectively. Humans need bonding not just over the bad times - not just taking care of each other when we're sick or working together to survive - but good times too. Otherwise social dynamics get messed up. There's cliques and squabbles and gossip and all kinds of bad feelings, and groups fall apart, even erupt into violence in some cases, but generally it's just like... have you ever had a job where nobody has a sense humor? Or have you had a teacher, as a little kid, who never let the class have time to play?

Third, and this is a me thing, I spent years unpacking this internalized sort of shame that comes from being a geeky person with geeky interests. I got picked on relentlessly in school, it was really horrendous, probably because I was an undiagnosed neurodivergent girl whose family lived in poverty to boot, but I had this shame and embarrassment attached to some of my geekier interests for so, so long. This app had a medical doctor expressing interest in a tabletop RPG, and making it like this thing that everyone was into - it's mainstream in Abel - and I realized, that's real life. I'm an adult now and have been for years. I can like whatever I want and it's not even weird, and if it is weird, nobody cares. In fact, being open about my interests has helped me find out who shares them - not like when I was a kid going on a forum where the only common interest was that one thing, but with people I knew and liked already in real life, going "omg, me too!"

It was the final piece of the puzzle I needed after years of working on unraveling that sense of shame, even with geeky friends IRL and a successful career and kids. Now? I absolutely rock my Doctor Who scarf that I knit myself, I sometimes play D&D with my husband and kids, and most importantly - tying all of the above together - I realized that I had to prioritize fun and enjoyment in my own life and my family's lives. So I did, and it's made a real difference for all of us.

I was in therapy at the same time I started playing ZR, so it's not like I'm giving the app all the credit! My therapist and I worked hard too. But this episode, man, it really had a lot packed into it. I thought about the concept of a virtuous circle a lot, discussed it with my therapist, and tried to embrace the philosophy - and I'm better off for it.

And I just sort of realized that today. So, thank you for asking. And for reading, if you've made it this far.

[somepsychopomp]

binge watched all of scavengers reign in one sitting! I have many thoughts, though they all feel jumbled up right now. I think the show starts off VERY strong but faces some pretty significant writing challenges as it progresses. Basically my opinion is:

episodes 1-6: an absolute triumph of imagination and environmental storytelling. They have genuinely some of the best ideas for alien life I've ever seen. The human characters are also all interesting, too. Azi and Levi were my favorite plot line but I really relished in how our first glimpse of Kamen is this sad, lonely malnourished man slowly starving to death in a tree... only to be revealed as a violent selfish asshole who genuinely gets what he deserves as the story progresses.

side note- I'm also a huge fan of the weird plant(?) that basically clones living beings and makes The Thing(s). Also Levi is probably the most compelling character in the entire show.

episodes 7-10: I enjoyed episodes 7-10 and maybe 11 so little that i considered giving up on the show in its entirety. To me, this segment dropped the show from like a 8.5/10 to a 4/10 or even lower. They were such an unenjoyable slog to get through imo (no hard feelings on anyone who liked them tho) because of the small crew of new characters we meet. No surprise you're not supposed to like or trust them, but the show just seemed unwilling to commit to them being actually evil or arguably sympathetic characters just trying to survive their own hostile situation, and kinda waffles between the two possibilities.

I guess that's the attempt at a gray area/morally gray characterization but I just fucking hated all of them and they meant nothing to me. Also it really, genuinely feels like the show speed ran Kamen's arc and completely ran out of ideas on where to take his character from here on out. Which is a bummer considering he's the type of character you absolutely love to hate.

And I'm so, so sorry, but I felt nothing when Sam died. TO MY DEFENSE, I can articulate why! Basically, out of all the characters on the show aside from arguably Kamen, Sam gets beaten up the most. He gets his blood sucked during the early storm, then gets wounded by the freaky cloning plant and almost dies from that, and then almost dies from getting buried alive, AND THEN gets implanted with the parasite from that mysterious lady. The best way I can put it is that his character just made me feel fatigued. His situation wasn't the kind where a protagonist suffers injury after injury but gets up anyways via sheer will/desire to complete their goal/what have you (Mizu from Blue Eye Samurai is a good recent example from adult animation who embodies this trope well, for example).

In contrast, Sam just spends too long on the brink of death for the stakes to feel high anymore. He also does nothing to improve his own condition, relying entirely on Ursula, which I think robs him of his agency and depth. In fact, I spent so long prepared to mourn him, kinda expecting him to not survive the planet, that when the time finally came, I already expressed all my emotions and detached myself from his character. I will say that at the very least, I did like his actual death scene and felt it was nicely done and paced.

episodes 11-12: Perfectly fine finale, I had no major problems with it but these episodes just didn't quite hit the highs of the first half of the series. Will say tho, Levi turbo blasting the Hollow was perfect. Love that for them.

Overall, I think I'll have to rewatch the show again when it's not late at night and I have all my wits about me. Maybe I'll change my opinion on it, because I really, REALLY want to like it in its entirety and will absolutely watch a second season if/when it comes out because, despite all its flaws, Scavengers Reign is something genuinely special.

The first half of the series feels like lightning in a bottle and MUST be seen by all sci fi and fantasy fans!! Even though everything is intensely organic and raw, the planet also has this strange biomechanical feel to it, from the shrapnel wind storm to the big triangle-head birds with electric/static feathers to all the animals that look like statues or toys but still live and breathe. It's such a unique take on an alien world and it was beautiful to see.

[traintrainingmontage]

Skarloey Appreciation Essay: Interpersonal Intelligence

I know that I still have several ficlet ideas to write, but instead, have an analysis. This one's about Skarloey, mostly because he's my absolute favorite, but also because there's a lot to say about him. This is primarily based off of the Railway Series and Model Series seasons 1-5, since they're what I'm most familiar with (although it's been a while since watching the show, so please pardon me if I miss anything from that perspective).

For this analysis, I want to briefly mention how the various sagely characters excel in different types of intelligence. Some know a lot about the world and are happy to share their knowledge (Edward), while others are highly experienced and have that experience to fall back on when trying to guide and help others (Toby). However, out of all of them, I would argue that it's Skarloey who has the best interpersonal intelligence, in that he's great at creating healthy relationships between himself and others, and by extension, maintaining a measure of relative peace on his railway.

(There's also an Edward Appreciation Essay for you all to enjoy!)

Interpersonal intelligence is defined as "the ability to understand and interact effectively with others. It involves effective verbal and nonverbal communication, the ability to note distinctions among others, sensitivity to the moods and temperaments of others, and the ability to entertain multiple perspectives" (University of Tennessee).

To start, I'd like to give some examples of how Skarloey is good at this. Skarloey is a "do no harm, but take no shit" kind of character. When done well, this kind of character tends to be highly compelling. (In fact, Toby could also be classified in this way, albeit differently flavored.) Some Skarloey-specific examples include:

-Skarloey scolding the coaches after they sabotage Sir Handel (Old Faithful). Skarloey essentially scolds them for endangering the passengers, and when they try to blame Sir Handel, Skarloey's not having it. What's particularly notable is that he doesn't take sides here; he doesn't validate the coaches' feelings nor does he defend Sir Handel. Instead, he focuses on their professionalism, and the coaches really don't have anything to say in their defence.

-Building on the previous point, this whole event, especially with Skarloey pushing himself on the passengers' behalf, resonates with Sir Handel. It ends with Sir Handel thinking that "Skarloey is the best engine in the world," which is high praise coming from an engine that referred to Skarloey as "rubbish" in his debut (Sir Handel). It's almost a shame that Skarloey left for six years to be mended, as if he'd stayed, a number of Sir Handel's more overbearing qualities might have been ironed out sooner.

-Skarloey's own character growth is also on full display in terms of the way he treats others. The worst comeback he actually has in the RWS, toward anybody, is when he says to Sir Handel that all respectable engines want to work, and then immediately follows that up with advice for Peter Sam (Peter Sam and the Refreshment Lady). Every other time another engine says something rude or ridiculous, Skarloey says nothing and winks at some other engine, or keeps it to himself ("Rusty told Duncan about the bad bit of line, and warned him to be careful. 'Huh!' he grunted, 'I know my way about, thank you! I don't need smelly Diesels to tell me what to do.' Rusty looked hurt. 'Never mind,' said Skarloey, 'you've done your best.' He said no more, but he thought a great deal.") (Rock n' Roll). He's come a long way from the hot-tempered engine who threw petty insults at Rheneas (Stick-in-the-Mud).

-Skarloey delivers lessons in ways that aren't just "you shouldn't do this because I said so." This way of giving advice to headstrong engines often gets ignored, as seen when other sagely engines try it. Instead, he takes a more cunning approach, as seen by his tactic of goading Sir Handel into facing off against George (Steam-roller). There are other engines who are cunning, certainly (just look at Donald and Douglas, or some key Thomas moments), but they don't really try to pit other engines against each other. The only other one who does in a notable way is Diesel, and he's not really protagonist material for most of the series.

In this case, the other engines (let's be real, it's Peter Sam and Duncan) are fed up with Sir Handel's boasting, so they tease him. However, he just shrugs them off. By contrast, Skarloey recognizes that trying to be straightforward won't work, so he decides to appeal to Sir Handel's pride in the hopes that he and George might teach each other a lesson. It's a strategy that ends up working exceedingly well, and also doesn't undermine his standing with Sir Handel himself. Honestly, Skarloey can be a little bit devious and that's such a fun character trait (it shows up again when Skarloey just doesn't tell the others that Culdee's Godred story is made up (Bad Look-out), choosing to let them stew and perhaps be a little more mindful of their behavior, and those moments are some of my favorites).

-Skarloey earnestly compliments others when they do well. He's incredibly grateful to Rusty for fixing the track, and tells him so. He speaks earnestly about Rheneas, and compliments Culdee upon hearing about his railway. Not a lot of other characters do this unless under duress or when they feel bad for taking things too far! In fact, tying into this point is that Skarloey doesn't kick others when they're down (see above), and stops the other engines' teasing when it gets out of hand (Peter Sam and the Prickly Problem).

There are certainly other examples of Skarloey's excellent character (one of my favorite character traits of his is how he owns up to his mistakes and even talks about them as proof of how he's grown instead of trying to hide shameful moments from his past, making him more relatable), but I'll instead pivot to why he's my go-to for a shining star of interpersonal intelligence by comparing him to some of the fandom's other favorite sages.

-Edward is probably the most wholesome character in the whole series. He's kind, he's giving, he doesn't complain, and you just want the best for him. However, he's also been worn down by life to an extent. His coworkers are often rude to him for no reason, even while they begrudgingly respect him, and unlike Skarloey, who is undoubtedly the moodmaker on his railway, Edward simply isn't; Gordon is. While I feel bad that Edward is treated this way, I also can't help but wish that Edward would have stood up for himself and others more, particularly in the early days when the railway's culture was still being figured out, because everyone on the NWR always has something to prove. It's super fulfilling when Edward proves his worth and shows that not only is he still useful, but that he has an unmatched will. However, while letting his actions speak for themselves is great, all he's really done is prove that he too can still run with the young'uns. He's earned their respect in terms of his abilities, but not their respect for his authority as an experienced engine with good advice to give, or their respect as an equal, really. He's a coworker who's shown that he can handle his work, but his opinion doesn't hold as much weight as theirs.

Perhaps part of this is that Gordon is a physically larger engine with an ego to match (after all, size DOES matter in the inherent engine pecking order, and the Skarloey Railway engines are all the same size so that's much less of an issue). Perhaps it's that Edward simply isn't confrontational, and would rather just let a lot of this slide. Perhaps another part of it is that the NWR just has so many more engines now and without that groundwork, it's very unlikely that the railway's culture can be changed at this point without a lot of effort from multiple engines. However, everybody constantly picking at each other's old wounds and feeling defensive all the time does not lend itself to a kind railway. Edward just doesn't stop that nonsense in its tracks the way Skarloey does, and he doesn't really come to the defense of some of the smaller engines. He moreso manages the fallout and is a counselor for the others, reactive but not necessarily proactive. Edward is a kind, nice character, and I absolutely adore that about him, but he often comes across as just rolling with the punches or being a shoulder to cry on for the others instead of taking a proactive role in setting the other engines straight. (To be fair, what he needed most was James or Henry having a character arc that would let them get out of the shadows of their inferiority to Gordon or their own selves/circumstances and back Edward up more often so that people actually heeded and respected his advice, but that's hardly Edward's fault.)

-Toby, on the other hand, takes no shit from anybody and will bite you if you give him grief. That's also a great character trait, but it has the side-effect of making him difficult to get along with. He's filled with great advice, but the other, haughtier engines don't want to listen so Toby doesn't want to give it; he's happy to watch them fail abysmally and come crawling back. I absolutely love Toby as a character, but these kinds of people are rather difficult to get along with in real life. I find that Toby and Duck are particularly similar in this regard; they don't take shit from the other engines, but come off as more prickly for it. Everyone except their closest friends are coworkers at best, and so they also don't necessarily improve the vibes of the railway as a whole. Toby and Edward are two ends of the spectrum, two extremes in this regard.

Thus, to me at least, it's Skarloey who wins out in terms of being the most interpersonally intelligent sage character, who makes his railway a good place to be for everybody on it. He uses a couple of different strategies to help other engines see sense, whether it's being straightforward with them, using a story as an example, or cajoling them a little bit. He scolds others when necessary, but doesn't use their shame as ammunition and doesn't tear them down. People may not like the story "Pop" Special because it makes Duncan seem too nice, but I like it in the sense that it shows how decades of being around people who are good to you and treat you well can lead to an insular, angry person becoming kinder and more thoughtful. Who made that the culture on the railway and enforced it? Skarloey.

Like I said at the start, this analysis is limited to the Railway Series and Model Series seasons 1-5, so I'd love to hear others' opinions on what I've put forth here. I hope you enjoyed; ficlets to come soon(-ish)!

[m-i-l-e-y-dot-com]

Okay season 1 spn review

and okay i skipped some also but i got the supernatural box dvd set and i am slowly rewatching so i figured let me blog about it as well!

I'll post more as i watch but also omg the music is game changing

Disc one, episodes 1 - 4 

Pilot

Wendigo

Dead in the Water

Phantom Traveler

Disc two, episodes 5 - 8

Bloody Mary

Skin

Hookman

Bugs

Disc three, episodes 9 - 12

Home

Asylum

Scarecrow

Faith

Miley: Such a good episode, shows the duality of like things and how people meddle with things. I like the ties to religion and also how things are usually too good to be true. 

Disc four, episodes 13 - 16

Route 666

miley:Why don't they bring Cassie back! Character development for dean - peak into the past which is so cool this early on 

Nightmare

Miley: Starting strong with the psychic plot line, which is not my fav but still is interesting 

Not my fav episode, like sets up good things but its whatever

I feel like Sam doesn't even move things again after this epd. And that sucks, they should make him use that more. They really only make him have dreams or vision, not every any ttk so what's up with that

The Benders

Miley: This episode is so so good, from the humor to the real people issues ugh i just love it. Dean's big brother's soft side and that cop that helped him out because her brother was also taken was sweet, and classic dean player moment that makes me swoon omg. The way they use real people for this is so good, it also reminds me of the other people episode with the children in the walls. I like how they show that all things evil are not just supernatural, and there is just evil. It makes it feel more like they are in a world and not just a supernatural video game. I like how Dean's cynical world view is so brought into light, and I feel like his character really likes rounds with protecting sma, i feel like this is the first time we see him this pressed over his brother. I also like how they really are like yup there are just fucking freaks too, and its generational. It's interesting how their skillset is so equipped to deal with them, and then also having to deal with the FBI at the end! And i'm writing this all in the first like 10 mins of this episode, clearly it's one of my favorites. And they have that baby (missy). And does dean kill her? Idk i think he did but maybe he didn't but like thinning systemically like what happens to her if she did live? Social services then juvie? Like so much in the system and years of therapy but also she's like 13/14 and that's so far gone like no way can she come back from that, the damage is kind of really done on her psyche. 

Shadow 

Miley: oh my god this episode is giving me such a mind fuck. But I keep forgetting they don't know Meg is a demon. And they have the devas, such a loaded episode. 

Disc five, episodes 17 -  20

Hell House

Miley: omg these guys! The paranormal investigators which are so wack. The way they clown on Sam and Dean for not being the real deal and stuff is sooooo good like omg yes come in here with the know it all attitude. I also love the prank war plotline. It's so goofy and also like a real sitcom which is too good. I would slay in glasses like he has. 

Something wicked

Miley: bikini inspector 

And its the fucking doctor ! 

Provenance 

Dead Man’s Blood

Miley: Vampire *drool face* 🤤😮‍💨😬

Disc six, episodes 21 - 22

Salvation

Miley: the song omg meg demon reveal omg do you think the bleeding starts from the uterus bc thats where the baby came from?

Devil’s Trap (finale)

Miley: Okay im not locked in for this finale but its pretty good they kill meg and have some things happen

WHY AREN'T THEY DIGGING THE BULLETS UP AND OUT OF THEIR BRAINS AND REUSING THEM1!

Why didn't he shoot him in the leg

#justice

And imagine if dean had died the same way his mom did in the beginning

Watching the crash for the first tine, i was up on my feet

The song is 2 good

[fish-bowl-2]

what are 3 of your favorite quotes/lines from each of the eds?

This has been sitting in my inbox for a hot while. At first because I was busy and going to answer it later, and then because I forgot about it (so sorry).

Anyway, this is hard! There are so many good lines in the show, and that is just from the main three cast. I'm going to highlight some lines that I have been replaying in my head most frequently.

Ed: - "Awww. Kitty cat go meow?" - I think about this SO much. It is so funny. Not only is it a good example of the wordplay in Ed's dialogue, but I love how self-aware it is too. Love seeing him rightfully cocky. He's not wrong that Edd spends most of his time, as my dad would say, "bitchin' and moanin'". - " Hey! Slow down, partner!" - Idk I think it is a very cute reaction to Edd attempting physical violence. It is a very older sibling response lmao - "Shhhh! My yeast is rising." - Lots to like here. Classic line, comes out of nowhere, makes absolutely no sense with or without context. Can't get better than this.

Edd: - "Eddy PLEASSSE. I'm counting the sugar!" - It is so silly. The delivery and Edd's expression kills me. I'm a big fan of the kind of raspy whisper Sam Vincent applied to season 1 Edd. It is very cute imho - "IS THAT THE SUPPORT BEAM TO THE HOUSE?!?!?" - Classic. I also like it when Edd is hysterically screaming. - "...but...how could it be? My computations were precise, rigorous, and painstaking, um. This goes beyond science, Eddy. An unfathomable force sends us a clear message!" - I also like Edd's tendency to go on long-winded speeches. It doesn't have its full effect without visuals, since the character acting adds so much. Edd is such a horrendous liar (same).

Eddy: - "Did you see the sparkle in Johnny's eye? Stop me boys, I'm getting frilly!" - Yeah yeah this is low-hanging fruit, whatever. Does not take away from my reaction upon seeing that episode for the first time. I practically died. - "OH, IS THAT SO? AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT? MISTER I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT KEVIN KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT MY MAGAZINES?" - It is hard to take dialogue from Eddy and NOT think "wow much to unpack". What is his deal here? I mean, I have my own ideas, but I'm not going to make this list longer than it already is. - "Running out of ideas, Double Dee. Think of something that would make me look good." - He sounds so downtrodden : ( reading the dialogue alone doesn't give that impression, but, in the actual scene, Tony makes the delivery sound super genuine, which is a rare expression for Eddy. I appreciate that decision a lot.