#i think this is funny therefore i am shooting it out into the void

[grifters-roadie]

me explaining these via email to a friend who has nothing to do with it

The Fourteen Fears from Magnus Archives 1. The Buried (aka Choke, Too Close I Cannot Breathe, Forever Deep Below Creation, The Centre) pro: if you love being held too tight??? like a weighted blanket. con: buried alive, claustrophobia 2. The Corruption (aka Filth, the Crawling Rot) bugs, pestilence, rot. pro: hive mind, never alone (the bugs esp seduce people who are chronically lonely or have been unlucky in love - they get this euphoric sense of belonging) con: skin crawling, disgusting, DISEASE, def stinks 3. The Dark (Mr. Pitch, the Forever Blind) Fear of the dark, one of the most ancient fears. pro: ???? obliteration in the dark perhaps? cloaked in darkness? con: the dark itself is scary, plus whatever might be hiding in it.

4. The Desolation (The Lightless Flame, The Torturing Flame, The Devastation, The Blackened Earth) All about arson and inflicting pain on others. Weird wax stuff too. pro: that pyromaniac high! con: sadism (might be a pro if you're sadistic). 5. The End (Death, Terminus, The Coming End That Waits For All and Cannot Be Ignored) One of the oldest! pro: death is cool? great imagery con: Death is death. End of things. Inevitability is scary - seeing it coming is stressful and not seeing it coming is sad. 6. The Eye (aka Beholding, The Ceaseless Watcher, It Knows You) pro: Getting to know things! Also the exhibitionist thrill of exposing your secrets and every part of you being known. So we got voyeurism and exhibitionism at play here. Knowledge! con: paranoia!!! feeling of constantly being watched, everyone knowing your secrets, conspiracy 7. The Flesh (aka Viscera) Factory farms, cannibalism, violence that is dehumanizing and reduces people to meat. pro: I fail to see one. Circle of life? Body modification, bodily distortions. con: fear of being cut up and eaten. I don't know how else to put it.

8. The Hunt pro: THRILL OF THE HUNT, madness of pursuit con: fear of being chased! hunted! prey! (this one scares the shit outta me)

9. The Lonely (The Forsaken, The One Alone) pro: Don't have to deal with people, float away/become invisible con: You feel like no one loves you, or wants you or ever did. :(

10. The Slaughter Like the hunt only instead of predator/prey it's bloodshed on a different scale. War, massacres, the impersonal slaughter of many. I'd affiliate this with mass shootings (not to be too real but. you know.) pro: if you get off on violence. con: if you don't get off on violence.

11. The Spiral (aka Es Mentiras (It Is Lies), The Twisting Deceit, It Knows Not What It Is) Madness! fear of madness. not trusting your own perception of things. pro: freedom in this??? I kinda like it. I also like both characters affiliated with it. con: gaslit/driven crazy/not knowing what is real

12. The Stranger (aka I Do Not Know You) I mix this up with the above v often. The unknown, uncanny, unfamiliar. Imposters, doppelgängers, mannequins, taxidermy. Creeping sense of wrongness that you cannot put your finger on. Something pretending to be human. pro: disguise? theatricality? artifice? con: that horrible feeling that you're the only one who knows that something is awful.

13. The Vast (The Falling Titan) Basically THE SUBLIME. Fear and awe and terror at the sky, the ocean, space. Loss of self. The horror of infinity, of no delineated time or space. The sensation of falling and falling and falling. pro: freedom in your own insignificance con: despair in your own insignificance. Also vertigo.

14. The Web (The Spider, The Mother of Puppets) Manipulation, entrapment, being forced to do things against your will - compulsion, addiction, not trusting yourself. Feeling controlled by others. Spiders. pro: interconnectivity. con: the paranoia. (so many of these are about not being able to trust yourself! which is indeed scary)

15. The Extinction (The Terrible Change, The Future Without Us, The World Is Always Ending) The newest fear - a human-brought apocalypse. Litter, flotsam, debris, plastic perversions of the natural world, oil spills, etc etc etc. Damaged past the point of no return. pro: ??? if you are a litterbug, or take some grim satisfaction in ending the world via pollution. Oh! or if you like decadence and have no regard for the future. That's way more plausible and appealing. con: it sure has a lot of momentum going for it, doesn't it? I think I'm most scared of The Hunt? or the Desolation. I'm very very frightened of pain. Also I get so scared when a car is behind me for too long, like I'm being followed. I would wanna join the Spiral, I think the Stranger is cool. Maybe I should join the Desolation so as to learn to get off on inflicting pain as a ward against fear of receiving pain. (I would line you up with the Vast for which to join, and maybe the Corruption as the worst one for you? just imagining your bloody little fingertips with rot instead and how awful that'd be, picking scabs and revealing bugs. ugh. but the comfort of the hive! you might be v susceptible to this.)

[sixeyesgojo]

Pictures of You

Summary: prequel to I’ll Be Your Enemy - fluffy!

Characters: IBYE!Reader, Gojo, Yuji, Megumi, Nobara

Word count: 2,3k

Content warning: none

A/N: requested by @thecaptainsbride

If anybody got the reference Gojo made when he was late; congratulations, you have been successfully hurt (but this time it was not me).

Since I left the relationship between Gojo and the reader up for interpretation in IBYE, I will do the same here! Consider this piece me trying to mend your hearts <3

Taglist applications open for anyone who is interested!

“A trip to an amusement park or something like that doesn’t sound so bad,” you mused in front of Satoru. “It serves as relaxation and maybe the first-years can get closer to each other, you know, bonding and so on. They will see each other many times from now on, so getting along with each other is important,” you reasoned, your eyes almost sparkling from the thought of a day off.

“But Jujutsu Sorcery is an individual–” he began.

“Satoru, I think you should see this as vacation. A vacation where you can eat sweets until your teeth rot and absolutely nobody will hold you back,” you interrupted him.

“Okay, I am sold. Am listening now.” You just knew how to convince him. Sweets.

So that was exactly how the first-year students and you ended up at a fairground somewhere in Tokyo; it was quite neat, not too small but not too spacious either. None of you could get lost in it. Still, it was buzzing with life and all kinds of people mingled. The colorfulness was a refreshing sight to take in, compared to the dark world of Jujutsu Sorcery where seeing people suffer was your daily routine. The pleasant smell of food wafted through the air, making your mouth water, as you walked past the different booths with them. Waffles sounded like absolute heaven on earth right now.

Jujutsu Sorcery certainly was a draining sport, mentally as well as physically. Therefore it was only right to take a break at times, right? Self-care days were just as important as working.

In order to wind down a bit, you had suggested a one-day trip – just you, Satoru and the three first-year students you had adopted in your mind right away after meeting them several times.

“Sensei, you look very pretty today!” Yuji complimented you. Even Megumi noticed: “Did you have a haircut? Your hair seems a little bit shorter.”

“Yeah, Nobara had a field day with me. Cutting my hair.. or more like trimming the ends, choosing my outfit, doing my make-up and so on just for today,” you gushed as if you were a high school girl again. “Leave it to master stylist Kugisaki Nobara and nobody will ever look bad,” the brunette girl commended herself. Yuji was affectionately patting her on the back.

Undoubtedly, Satoru was late – nobody was surprised about that. You already went ahead and generously treated the trio of students you loved dearly to some food.

“Thank you for the food, sensei!” As usual, Yuji and Nobara were in perfect harmony with each other, seemingly sharing a brain.

“Thank you very much,” Megumi also expressed his thanks sweetly. If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought the way his lips seemed to twitch was unintentional. “Absolutely no problem, kiddos. You guys enjoy it while I try to contact Gojo-sensei, yeah?” you shot them an apologetic smile, already fishing out your phone. The three of them nodded in perfect synchronization. They’re as cute as little ducklings, you thought.

You didn’t even need to bother calling.

You were about to dial Satoru’s number on your smartphone when Yuji’s voice boomed, “Oh! There he is! Gojo-sensei, we are here!!”

The boy waved at his teacher.

Satoru immediately spotted the pink-haired student and skipped over to where you all were standing. “Sorry for the wait! I’m afraid I got lost on the path of life!!”

“Nice of you to finally join us, but sadly, the fun is already over and we decided to go home. Just wanted to call you to let you know! We’ve been here since morning,” you deadpanned as the white-haired man arrived, looking Satoru dead in the eye – if they weren’t covered. “Wait, wha– Hold on, I am very sure I am not that late. MY MOCHI?” Satoru sounded frantic, facing his students who just shrugged their shoulders. “Serves you right,” Megumi stated calmly. Nobara, being the sassy girl she was, also joined in, “Losers don’t get to have fun and that’s a fact.”

It was such a wholesome and funny moment for you to see the students playing along with your prank without being told beforehand.

You broke out in laughter, not being able to contain it any longer, “You should have seen your face, dumbass! I was just joking!”

“Phew, I almost thought I had to kiss the idea of eating sweets today goodbye. What a horror that would be, my day would be OVER this instant,” the blindfolded man pouted, “so where should I buy my sweets? I’m gonna buy the entire place anyway, but where do I start? Any suggestions for Great Teacher Gojo?”

“Hold up, Satoru! We gotta take a picture together to commemorate this special day!” you suggested, bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. “I swear I just saw sensei’s eyes sparkle but I might be wrong,” Yuji remarked, looking at his dark-haired friend for confirmation.

“Sensei, if you want to take a picture, we have to take it at the right angle!” Nobara chimed in, the secret Instagram influencer in her on full display. She continued to explain, “It would come out great if Gojo-sensei took the pic, long arms privilege and so on.”

The female student almost seemed more into it than you were, it was adorable to you to see the usually bold student be this into taking pictures.

You hand the tall man your phone, but not without shooting him a “if you drop my phone, I’ll make you drop dead” look.

“Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation,” the male teacher commanded loudly. Upon hearing that, Megumi immediately slapped his hand in his face and turned away in embarrassment. Why was this man like this?

“...Ladies?” Yuji asked, the expression on his face screaming ‘confusion’ “Gojo-sensei just referenced a Beyoncé song, Itadori,” the dark-haired boy explained in a hushed tone, turning back slightly as if he did not want to get caught.

“And it’s not just any song!” Satoru happily chimed in. “Yes, yes, the good old Formation,” you added, nodding in satisfaction. You remember how you showed him the album when it dropped.

“Can we all just ignore Gojo-sensei and take our pic?” Nobara inquired as she shoved everybody into their respective spots. “Alright, everybody, smiiiiile for the camera. Say cheese!”

Click, click, click, click.

Finally, Satoru had gotten his share of sweets. Complying with his sweet tooth was always an effective way to calm him for some time. Almost like feeding a baby, in a way.

Now it was time for fun rides!

...or at least that was what you thought… until Satoru dragged you along to ride a freaking pendulum ride with him. The three students had managed to talk themselves out of stepping foot on that monster of a ride but Satoru didn’t even give you a chance to refuse, he simply gripped your arm and walked towards it.

Stopping only when you were already standing in line, you nervously eyed the metallic behemoth with its iron arm. The monstrosity was seemingly ready to make you throw up from the way it would spin you through the air repeatedly, going back and forth and back and forth again. Why did you have to do this?

“Satoru,” you called his name timidly and tugged at his sleeve, the strange feeling not leaving your gut, “do I really, really have to do this?”

“Absolutely! I promise it will be very fun,” Satoru replied with a signature grin you wanted to wipe off of his face at that moment.

No, it was not fun. At all. You were dizzy and your fear of height was kicking. The blasts of air hitting your face left, right and center were not helping at all and you were sure, if anybody took a picture of you right now, you would look horribly green.

“I– can’t do this anymore!” you shouted mid-air, right before the ride swung to the other side. The force knocked the air out of you once again.

“SATORU, PLEASE GET US OUT OF HERE!” you begged and squeezed his arm with an iron grip. The height was too overwhelming. “Mid-ride?” Satoru asked and you nodded frantically. “Now that’s what I call reckless! Sounds like fun. I’m in!” he declared with a grin.

“Domain Expansion: Infinite Void.”

That was the last thing you heard the tall man say before he touched your head with his large palm.

Your eyes widened in horror as you realized this man used his domain this recklessly, for fun. Maybe it was a side effect of being able to use it multiple times a day.

The infinity gently wrapped itself around Satoru and you. Almost movie-like, you watched as the entire, vast universe beautifully unfolded in front of your eyes. Each star being created separately, then abruptly flashing by as a sea of stars – as if you were in a wormhole. You perceived the entire domain within a flash of a moment, yet tasted eternity in it. Everything but nothing at once.

Despite being touched by Satoru himself, the sensations weren’t without merit. If this was how it felt to be in the safe space of Satoru’s touch within his inner world of Limitless, you would rather not fathom how it felt to be the one hit by this powerful domain.

It took you some time to process things and recollect.

“When I said I wanted you to get the two of us out of that thing, I didn’t mean ‘send me to your domain’,” you scolded him.

“Well, it was convenient,” he defended himself and you could almost hear the grin on his face, “Bet you’ll hate me after this though.”

“Hating you was never really an option I’d ever consider but okay, we’ll run with it this time. Now undo your domain, please, while I am asking nicely.”

“Your wish is my command! This time at least.”

“Satoru.” A stern last warning fell from your lips.

“Yes, yes, boss. On it.”

“I thought you said it’ll be fun but I am absolutely not riding that thing ever again,” you took deep breaths to calm down as your feet securely touched the ground again. Your legs were still trembling a bit.

“And it was fun! At least for me! I like seeing you struggle – it’s so funny – and the way you clung to my arm? Adorable! You are so tiny compared to me, like a bug I could crush between my fingers!” The annoying sorcerer laughed merrily.

“Gojo fucking Satoru, the only thing that is about to be crushed here are your balls. With my leg. You are very lucky to have that damn Infinity of yours or else,” you threatened.

“Ouch, you really do know how to hurt an invincible man,” he snickered and flicked your forehead lightly.

Rejoining with the students was easy as they all saw the barrier Satoru’s domain created.

“You are lucky there was some kind of show going on down here. That barrier above would have freaked people out if they weren’t distracted,” Nobara said, looks shooting daggers at her weird teacher. Innocent and as nice as ever, Yuji pitched in as well: “Yeah, Fushiguro also tried to distract children with their wandering eyes! I think he did a good job.”

“Okay but what did he do though?” you asked curiously and looked at the boy in question.

“...Shadow puppets,” Megumi slowly admitted, looking anywhere but at the people in front of him.

“Oh? You love your foster-dad-turned-great-teacher this much to embarrass yourself out in public? That’s new!” Satoru teased the poor boy. “Someone has to be the voice of reason around here or you’d all be in jail. That includes preventing civilians who are able to see curses from seeing you use Jujutsu while floating mid-air,” he justified, ignoring the tall teacher’s mockery completely. 

“As much as I love slandering Gojo-sensei, I’d rather spend my day actually having fun,” Nobara pitched in, reminding everybody of why you were here in the first place.

“So, let’s go ride the ferris wheel!” she added excitedly.

More fun rides.

Before you knew it, the day passed by. You could already feel the heaviness in your legs from walking. The swirling feeling from all the rides boded in your chest – you probably would not be able to sleep well tonight. It was definitely worth it though, you thought.

You had already brought the students back to their dorm – Satoru had ran off to the school because he remembered he had to do something – and were on the way home yourself.

You were in some sort of trance, completely immersed in your phone, so you hadn’t registered when Satoru called your name until he gently tapped your shoulder, falling into step with you.

“Yeah?” you looked up to Satoru, snapping out of your train of thought.

“Just wanted to tell you; ‘Operation: Relaxation Day’ was a great success.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Satoru.” A genuine smile graced your lips and for a moment, he softened at the sight.

“You know what? It was amazing, I really should start listening to you more often,” he confessed with a smirk.

“Well, it’s thanks to your amazing power of persuasion that we got to spend it like this, so thanks for today,” you half-heartedly complimented him.

“You do know I only said we’d not be available today and then dashed, right?” he asked you, the usual playful tone lacing his voice. “Exactly what I meant by saying ‘your amazing power of persuasion’.”

“I think I’ll frame the picture we took,” you murmured softly, fondly looking at the screen of your phone. The picture from earlier was displayed on your homescreen.

Surely, you would hang it on the blank wall in your home as well. It was a personal treasure now.

Taglist (dm me if you wanna be added): @assbuttbaek​ @megumifushi​ @bleueluna​ @gojos-mochi​ @delammi

[orange-waterfalls]

G-Bots (TM)

Googleplier (x4) x viewer!reader

ty anon for the request!

A/N: Funny story! I am no longer physically capable of writing normally! I tried so hard to be normal and just veered off into SCP/Cryptid viewer territory because I like expanding on the idea that the viewer is Not Human! Anyways, you’re hanging out with the Googles. That is it. Nothing is wrong. You do not recognize the bodies in the water haha anyways I think I like went a little creepypasta-esque at the end there but it’s fine I think probably. It’s fine. Might be a little weird in terms of story, but i think this was more focused on world building to me. Probably seen as more platonic than romantic, but see it however you wish. Enjoy!

Word count: 2.5k

G-Bots (TM)

You wheezed just a bit as you sped through wherever-the-fuck you were. Sure, maybe that was a bad idea. Sure, Dark was a little bit threatening and SURE, you were supposed to be back by now, and the fact that you weren’t back with Mark trying to convince him NOT to split up was the tiniest bit problematic. You weren’t even sure this was a building? Were you in the void? Goddammit, not again…

You stopped, concluding that this was bullshit and you did not want to do it right now. You bent over, hands on your knees and took deep breaths. You stared into the emptiness for a bit, then looked around for a moment, just trying to figure things out. You needed to reassess. It was basically one big, long hallway with random twists and terms every few meters. You’d always end up back at the paintings of… them… and knew you’d gone too far. You did that over, and over, and over again. At this point you thought Dark had just forgotten about you. You took a deep breath in and let it out. You stood up straight and looked up at the paintings. You heard their voices echo through your head a bit. You squeezed your eyes shut and your head twitched.

“You’re alright… you’re ok… cool it…” You whispered to yourself. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Meditate. Think.

You looked on either side of the hall and, for the first time, you noticed doors extending down into the void and not stopping. You let out a breath. You felt a slight sense of dread. Something was telling you not to enter the rooms. Some little voice in the back of your head that sounded suspiciously like Mark. But, hey, what else were you gonna do?

“Ok… do i want to enter the door on the left or the door on the right?” You asked yourself. You paused to think about it. After a few seconds you felt yourself jerk forward a bit. Your brain felt staticy and you felt compelled to the left. You turned the knob and opened the door slightly. Immediately you heard music that might be in an SCP game, and a voice that sounded suspiciously like “do you recognize the bodies in the water?”. You were hoping no, and you bailed before you had a chance to look. You ended up almost exactly in your previous position in the hall. Your brain felt fuzzy again, and this time you gravitated to the right. You opened the door just a little, maybe to see what was inside, but again you heard the SCP ambiance.

But this time it was from behind you. So, like any smart person, you swung the door open, slammed it behind you and did your best to lock it. But there was no lock. So you stood. Waiting. Nothing happened.

Of course nothing happened. Why would anything happen? Dark wouldn’t want you to get hurt… probably. This was his domain. Probably. If you were alive, it’s because he wanted you to be. If you were in this room, it’s because he wanted you to be.

Speaking of: Where the hell were you?

You turned around to look behind you. In the blank white room there was a single grey couch with all 4 Google androids sitting on it. Apparently they were recharging, because they hadn’t noticed you standing there and also they were plugged into an outlet in the wall. You hadn’t considered that they had to physically plug into something to charge up, but the thought made you snort.

Bad idea.

All of their eyes snapped open at once, revealing the glow of their assigned colors. They all stood up and began walking towards you in unison. You felt a slight sense of dread. Even so, you tried to grab the doorknob, the one that apparently was no longer there, and cursed under your breath when you could only feel the smooth wall behind you. The androids stopped, staring at you. You cleared your throat.

“Hey…” you laughed nervously, “So, uh, funny story, actually-”

“You are not supposed to be here,” The original Googleplier, Blue, stated.

“Well, see, that’s where this whole thing started, um, see, Mark wanted to split up-”

“No human is allowed inside of this room, and not you, either.”

“Well-” You stopped, processing what he said, “Wait. ‘Either’? I’m human.”

“No, you’re not,” Google Green said. You wanted to be offended, but you were more confused.

“What do you mean? I’m human!” You argued.

“What color’s your hair?” Red asked with a mean smirk on his face. You opened your mouth to respond, and an amalgamate of voices saying “BROWNBLACKBLONDEWHITERED” came out. You slapped a hand over your mouth.

“... what the hell was that?” Your muffled voice whispered. Well, you thought it was probably yours.

“What’s your eye color?” BROWNGREENBLUEAMBERYELLOW exited your being before you could even try to answer.

“Do you have any pets?” That one just ended with a computer error sound from you.

“... huh.” You dropped your shoulders a little. The revelation probably should’ve upset you more.

“What are you doing here?”

“I… do not recognize the bodies in the water.” You explained.

“Ah, I see. Darkiplier would want you to not die, therefore you may stay.”

“Ha. Wow. Who knew the Googleplier androids-”

“G-Bots.”

“... what?”

“We are legally not allowed to use the name ‘Google’ anymore. We are now G-Bots.”

“... legally.”

“We were discontinued. And sold. And signed a contract.”

“So does that mean I can’t call you Google anymore?”

“No, that is simply my name. The name of us as androids, however, is now G-Bots.”

“Ok. What about them?” You pointed to the other three.

“Yellow is Oliver, Green is Lee, Red is Elliott.”

“And you’re just Google?”

“They’ve been trying to change my name to Gregor. I deeply dislike it.”

“It’s a good name.” Oliver suggested, smiling.

“Means vigilant.” Lee shrugged.

“Don’t be a pussy, Greg.” Elliott adopted a shit-eating grin as he leaned a little closer to Google.

“You can do… whatever you wish. Just do not be like them, DA.” Google instructed through gritted teeth.

The room began to shift color and expand. The couch was still grey in the center, but there were now four sections of each of the colors. The yellow section was filled with flowers, with a laptop on a desk next to a switch and a little Vector robot sitting by on the windowsill that showed a colorful meadow with bees buzzing to and fro. It glitched for a moment, so you knew the window wasn’t real. The green section had large houseplants and looked a bit like a greenhouse, and had an Xbox hooked up to a TV in the corner and seemed to have a view of a lake in the faux-window. The red section had miscellaneous wires and computer parts and lights here and there, looking like a fire hazard, and a PC on a table, while the window showed what appeared to be space. Google’s section was absolutely spotless, not a single thing anywhere, apart from a tiny skateboard next to a PS4 in the corner, and the window showed computer code.

“Wow.” You said. You might be stuck here for a while, so you might as well enjoy it.

Though you wondered who DA was. -- You hate to say it, but you had a favorite G Bot. It was kind of like having a favorite child, in your mind. You felt like they somehow knew that you had a favorite, but you didn’t know why.

Oliver was the sweetest by far, immediately going to make you as comfortable or entertained as possible while you were with him. He asked you if you wanted to watch something, if you wanted to play a game, if you were hungry, etc. It was kind of like going over to a friend’s house for the first time. He was enthusiastic to the point where he was shaking with anxiety over wanting to make you happy. You thought he didn’t get many visitors and maybe that was why. He showed you his flowers, and the bees, and a small painting in the corner, hoping for  validation. His glowing eyes seemed to dull when you moved on to the next section, but said you’d visit him again. That did help, but he turned away sadly and went to water his flowers.

Lee seemed as though he couldn’t care less if you were there. He told you where everything was and that you could do whatever. If you asked for help, he would stop what he was doing and help you. Once you understood, he immediately resumed his previous task. He was a bit cold, like Google, but in a “I am very busy but I am still here if you need me” sort of way. He played a game or two with you, having a preference for the puzzle games more than anything else. Puzzle horror, more specifically. If there was a shooting part, he immediately shoved the controller into your hands, saying he didn’t want to do that part. When you left, he simply continued with his work without a goodbye.

Elliott tried so hard to ignore you for the longest time. You could hear him scoff and growl anytime you made any sort of noise. You were self conscious at first, but you came to understand that he was just an asshole. You started on a game, playing for a few minutes, and felt the red couch sink next to you because he had sat down next to you. If he thought you sucked (which he did) he would snatch the controller from you and finish whatever you were doing before giving it back. He refused to say anything or help you, either. He’d just make rude noises and walk away occasionally before coming back. When you left, he seemed a lot angrier than he had before, and wouldn’t say goodbye to you. He turned away with a huff and started pressing random buttons on the controller.

Google was by far the least interested in anything you had to do. You sat on the couch next to him, and he didn’t move an inch. You sat there for a bit, waiting, but he did not move. You stood up, walked around, messed with a few things, attempted to play a game or two. Google didn’t move. You pulled up the Gamer ChairTM and sat directly in front of Google, arms crossed. You sighed. Finally, he looked up at you.

“Is there something you need?” He asked in that monotone voice of his.

“I’m bored,” you said.

“Go to one of the others,” He closed his eyes.

“What are you doing?” You asked, curious.

“That is not-” He sounded exasperated.

“Hey Google, what are you doing?” You interrupted like the little shit you were

“Currently, this G Bot system is recharging its battery. This G Bot is at: 69%.” He shifted to a purely robotic voice.

“Haha nice.”

“This G Bot’s primary objective is to answer questions as quickly as possible. Would you like to ask a question?”

“Yes. What do you like to do, Google?”

“I enjoy answering your questions. Do you have any more?”

“What company owns you?”

“G-Bots were recently sold by the Google company to Warfstache Incorporated.”

“Wilford has a company?”

“Warfstache Incorporated is co-owned by Wilford ‘Motherloving’ Warfstache and Damien-Dami-Da-Darkiplier.” He glitched while answering.

“Who’s Damie-”

“The Corporation owns shows such as ‘Markiplier TV’, ‘Warfstache Tonight!’, and ‘Hire My Ass’. Do you have any more questions?”

“Do you pass the Turing Test?”

“Wondering if you have to treat me with basic decency?” He shifted back to his less robotic, but still monotone, voice.

“No. Just wondering.”

Neither of you spoke again for a while. He did scold you when you tried to move the couch with him still on it, so… progress. -- You were beginning to suspect that Google didn’t like you very much.

The blue one. Google. The other ones liked you. Oliver ranted to you for a whole half hour about different kinds of bugs and the hierarchy of bees. The queen is assassinated when she is bad for the hive, it would seem. Lee made you play Resident Evil with him because he didn’t like the fighting, but he liked figuring out what to do. You frantically passed controllers back and forth a lot. Elliott basically did speedruns of several games, you watching intently the whole time. He seemed to like the attention and actually smiled at you whenever he finished one.

But Google didn’t like you. He ignored you, and told you not to touch anything, and scowled whenever you asked him personal questions. Not like “what’s your sexuality” type of personal questions. More like… “what’s your favorite color and why is it blue” sort of questions. He didn’t like them either way.

But the others liked you, and that was pretty neat.

You still wanted Google to like you though.

“Hey Google,” he perked up with the little “do-do!” noise, “Can you guys go into your different sections?”

“All G-Bots have the ability to pass into other’s color-coordinated sections,” He answered politely.

“Why don’t you?”

“We don’t want to.”

“Do you get along?”

“Yes.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Celine dislikes when colors are mismatched.”

“Who’s-”

“I’m sorry, this G Bot needs to charge.”

“But you haven’t been-”

“This G Bot needs to charge.”

“Come on, if you--”

“This G Bot needs to charge.”

You quieted and plopped into the chair. You stared at Google. His eyes flickered for a moment before they closed. -- The other Bots knew who Celine and Damien were, they just weren’t telling you. Their eyes always flickered when you asked, but they wouldn’t tell you.

You threatened not to play with Lee anymore. He said he could play on his own. You could see that he didn’t want to. You played Alien: Isolation. His eyes seemed duller.

You threatened not to watch Elliott’s speedruns. He said he didn’t care. You could tell that he did. You watched him play Hollow Knight. His eyes seemed duller.

You threatened not to listen to Oliver’s rants. He looked terrified, but he said that was fine. You could tell it wasn’t. You begged him to tell you. He looked sad.

“Who’s Damien?” You asked softly, stepping towards him.

“I can’t tell you,” He shifted back.

“Who’s Celine?” You stepped forward.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Who’s DA?”

All of the G-Bots stopped what they were doing. You heard static and felt like you were being watched. -- You looked up at the color on the outside of the museum.

You were doing something. You were doing something.

Were you robbing this place? It felt like you were. What happened to Mark? What happened… to you?

You stared at the doors, feeling a slight sense of dread. Something in the back of your head was telling you this wasn’t right. To go home. To…

--

“Ignorance is Bliss. Try Again?”

[definegodliness]

Intermezzo

Cloud nine exists no more. It has been forcefully swept from under my feet, and now, surrounded by anxiously jiving debris, I plummet; deliver my shredded consciousness to all gods, both new and old, into the vacuous eye of delivery's storm and hear naught but silence, as if the raging matter surrounding my flightless corporeality is but a mindless, soulless distraction; destructive, therein. The clean-swept dust bath closes in, and I can see nothing but the red of dire Earth; aridness in a canister of compacted losses, circling nauseatingly if I were to track and follow one speck of its respective alloy until witnessing its total assimilation within the whole.

I mourn every smidgen of incandescence turned tin, fixed into place to keep agreed upon reality in, till it sickens me and I toss the weight of my temporal vessel around mid-flight to ethereally recumbent behold the distant star of life as last a beacon of hope; bright enough to blind me from the shames and pities of the human lament.

I fall. I see.

The star of life shines its mutating radiance boldly, mocking all conscious beings, more temporal, for their quests in keeping the status quo of this exact existence.

"Deliver me from evil!", I beg the star of life.

Solar flares rip and tear at my mortal husk, till exposed is all that which matters at this point in time, and being.

I plummet, still.

“What am I now but the eternally bright light of my undying soul, claiming its birthright of resonance within time's ever rippling, as if a shooting star, or comet, illumining the clearest midnight blue of empty nightly skies; the void, far beyond the edges of space which one might call 'emptiness', and the girth and length of my magnum dong, now drastically elastically flopping within the tension between gravity and air resistance?”

Confusion. Yes, confusion and bedazzlement take a hold of me. Perhaps I should not have opted to deliver my shredded consciousness to ‘all’ gods, new and old, ‘cause what bullshit deity would have the totality of my humanity be a sparkling and pulsating orb of brilliant luster, only to then attach the fleshly variant of two semen packed avocados and a forearm sized zucchini? It is an outrage! Thus, by lack of arms, I shake my wiener upward, brandishing it like an angered fist toward whatever divine creator thought it funny, or agreeable, to reduce a human to a mere materialization of procreation. 

“Who does that?”, I ask, “... why?” 

There is no answer.

Only giggles in the wind.

I fall. I fall, still.

And, well... still. As a matter of fact, it is taking so long I get bored and entertain current existential contemplations: the duality of man; flesh versus soul; instinct versus cognizance; lust versus love, lustful love, and loving lust, and all imaginable shades of nuanced reality that thrive in between; all the while watching that star of life, fading into the distance, until the sheer weight of my ever engorging avocados by universal law of gravity cause me to topple back into an ethereally procumbent position.

Purple lightning rages against the pink German World War II helmet, which feels nice, I gotta say, and I realize I am part of some blitzkrieg beyond my understanding. My rock solid prophet’s staff splits the sea and all the turmoil of pantha rhei skips a beat to unveil the Big Bang’s Birthplace, starfish spread-eagled; so blatantly lascivious its design can only 'be' to mock my innate yearning spiritual transcendence. Ghastly, yet still, I plummet further. Through the entirety of Earth. Further, deeper. Helpless in this what can only be the inescapability of divine purpose. After all, whereto can I otherwise go without letting my deplorable rendition of palpability break the laws of time and space? So much for self-determination.

I crash down.

Down the center of the Milky Way. 

Ever accelerating, caught in the gravitational field of Sagittarius A*. I am. And as I am, I am evidently designed to fill, or plug, this manifestation of lamentable ever expanding emptiness and darkness. As such I make amends with the insignificance of this carnal existence. Hushing my conscience with the fact that I actually have no spine at this given moment, therefore being spineless is more than justifiable, it is logical. 

I give in.

Then, a bright flash of light, as the embodiment of godly origin flicks her fingers last milliseconds before impact and sends the remnants of my drab corporeality down the drain of existential settlement where all past's hapless human chances at godliness tragically consist. She does it casually, to then ask me if this is where I want to shoot for the future, before I can even think to try and push forth in an attempt to reach dead end's greatest depths for the sole sake of hedonism to begin with. I realize, what she offers is a lifetime's gratifying 'all'--, and yet simultaneously that this gratification is relativizable to the point of non-existence as there is no way to puncture the veil of finiteness into the never ending.

Despite the ecstasy of vortex-fall; the vehemence of plummet, my god given pride in heated surging sanguine engorged masculinity falls to dwindle limp in a sad shriveling retreat outside the Virgin Miley's rhythmically pulsating, monkey-fist-grabbing-dick contracting dirty dawn star.

"This is not what life is"; my genuflection.

She smiles, "it isn't."

Then, as if in a dream, the Virgin Miley vaporizes into a million shimmers of sparkling stardust, and I am grounded; crashed through the harsh permafrost, until splicing the rock of another dimension’s version of earth. I examine the shape of the crater left by my plummet, wondering where I am. I ask the aether,  addressing the chaste one, yet she gives no answer.

Only giggles in the wind...

All too familiar.

I understand, now. Yet I cannot dwell on my understanding. Suddenly, circling all around me, a mob of enraged Swiss men and women; complaining the Matterhorn has been decimated by my plummet from death’s plane of ‘settling’. I try to explain to them spiritual evolution is about peaks of existence, as so considered by any remotely achievable esoteric consensus, being utterly shattered; pulverized into fertile grounds of brand new inspiration and realizations, yet they have none of it. They shout and seethe I am an idiot, who should have simply traversed the depths of tightly constricting predestination and be done with it. 

Then, in a last ditch effort to talk some sense into them, I wrap the fleshly part of my current reality like a pink veiny tentacle around the holy triangle, the Toblerone, holding it out to them, letting my spirit’s echoing voice resound:

"He who is without caramel bits, cast the first chocolate."

Alas, they have none of it. Instead, the angry Swiss mob closes in, among them I now see some carry steam wafting bronzen kettles. I am entrapped. No way to wriggle myself out of this, and wriggling is all I can. As punishment, they slather the brightly pulsating core of my eternal spiritual purity (and my throbbing, wildly flopping curd spewing boa constrictor) with the molten golden of drooping fondue cheese. Agonizingly. Thus, the orb of light, my sorry soul, is by time and negligence; ignorance, and society’s cruel demands, yet again encased. Dimmed. Damned to once more partake in this loop of ever reoccurrence. When they leave, I am once again, but man. Another lifetime beckons. 

The whole endeavor has left me ravenous. 

I start eating myself.

--- 7-9-2021, M.A. Tempels ©

[jaehyunspeachparty]

About Chichi’s Mum

part of: iii.xxvi. (daddy jaehyun)

"And you will spend the day with Y/N, Jaehyun, Sunoh and Miga. Okay?" Yuta crouched in front of his daughter and put her jacket on. She looked at him with her dark eyes and nodded understandably. "And you have to be good. Y/N has two babies in her belly and is therefore very tired." He tried to explain everything to her, but in reality, it hurts him more than leaving Chichi behind for the day. She liked to be with the Jung's family and had also someone of the same age to play with. "Okay, daddy." She nods and her big eyes find his. Every time he looked into Chichi's eyes, he could see his ex-girlfriend. Because it was something that caught his eye right away.

It all started with a photoshoot for a famous fashion magazine. At first, it was just her cute smile, her elegance and when he spoke to her he was thrilled with her eloquence. He couldn't believe this woman was real. She embodied everything he was looking for because she was like a fairy tale. When he gathered all his courage and asked if they wanted to go on a date, he couldn't believe at first that she agreed. Shiori was her name and he couldn't think of anything else but her. When they first met, it was perfect. He looked into her big eyes and almost got lost in it. He never found a person so exciting, so beautiful. He was under her spell and she seemed to like him as well. It was like he was dreaming all the time. And it got better with the first time he slept with her. It was just perfect. Their bodies fit together perfectly and Yuta couldn't believe how lucky he was. When he was in bed with her, exhausted from all the activities, the good sex, he loved nothing more than to be with her and talk to her about everything. "My flight leaves at 9:00 am. I have a photo shooting in Tokyo this time." Shiori was a successful model in Japan and her orders often went to Korea, so she was constantly in Seoul too, sometimes also for a few weeks. "I'll make us a good breakfast." Yuta smiled and kissed her cheek gently. "You don't have to do that. Rest, you have so much work to do." She stroked his chest and was very fascinated by it. "I want it. Besides, I have to get up anyway. I promised Jaehyun to help him with the nursery renovation. His wife is very pregnant and the birth is about to start soon." Yuta had promised to help set everything up and it would distract him anyway, otherwise, he would miss Shiori all the time. "Is he the first to become a father?" She smiled and looked up at him now. "Yes. He's having a girl. That suits Jaehyun pretty well." He laughed and pulled his girlfriend closer to him. "A girl ... that sounds nice ..." She slowly closed her eyes and both simply enjoyed being together.

"Great. Thank you for taking Chichi. I'll be back tonight." Yuta took off his daughter's jacket and looked sadly at her. It was difficult for him to leave his daughter behind for the day. They had now become a team. Only the two against the world. "No problem. We love to have Chichi with us." You smile and lean over to her. "Mummy." With her big eyes, she looked at you. She's been saying that to you a lot lately, and you and Yuta are always trying to explain to her that you're not her mother. But you were the only woman she had a good relationship with. And since Miga and Sunoh, with whom she spent a lot of time, also call you Mummy, reflects this Chichi. "Oh honey, I'm not your mummy. Come on, let's see what Miga and Sunoh are doing." You take the little girl by the hand and you go to your children. Yuta looked after her sadly and handed Jaehyun his bag with Chichi’s stuff. "Do you know what Shiori wants from you?" Jaehyun looked at his friend with concern. She had called Yuta two days ago and was eager to talk to him. He should meet her in Tokyo, but he should come without Chichi. After a long discussion, Yuta agreed to meet her because, in the end, he had so many questions.  Yuta found it difficult to get back in the taxi and leave his daughter behind. It was funny because Yuta hadn't imagined himself as a father in such a near future and now his little girl would be 2 years old in a few weeks. He hates leaving Chichi alone and even though he was thinking of sending her to kindergarten now because he has to work slowly again, he was already getting a stomach ache. He knew that she and Jaehyun were in good hands. You were the only ones he trusted with his daughter. Ironically white, he first thought with Shiori that she would be the woman he wanted to be with Jaehyun and you.

"I'm a little bit nervous. I don't know any of your friends." Shiori took a deep breath and clutched the present. "Everything will be fine. Jaehyun and Y/N will definitely like you." Yuta grinned and kissed his girlfriend before knocking on the door. Jaehyun opened the door and greeted the two. He looked tired, but you could still see that he was happy. It was an interesting combination. "Hey, daddy." Yuta joked and hugged his friend. "This is Shiori," he then introduced his girlfriend and smiled. "Glad to meet you. Y/N is coming soon, she is still breastfeeding Miga." Jaehyun greeted Shiori and they went into the kitchen together. Jaehyun made coffee and they sat in the living room. "And how ist he new life with a baby? Can you still sleep?" Yuta grinned and sipped his coffee. "Sleep doesn't really exist right now. She wakes up all the time and we're trying to find a rhythm, but it's just perfect." Jaehyun smiled and looked up as he saw you come into the living room with his daughter. "Ahh, there she is." Yuta smiled, looked at you and put her arm around his girlfriend. "Hi, sorry that I couldn't come right away, Miga was still hungry." You smile and introduce yourself to Shiori. "Do you want to hold her?" You ask and Yuta stretched out his arms. Shiori leaned on his shoulder and stroked the girl's little hands. "How old is she now?" Shiori looked up at you and smiled. "10 days." Jaehyun smiled and pulled you onto his lap. He put his hand on your thigh and slowly stroked it. Meanwhile, Shiori also took Miga in her arms and cradled the little girl. When Yuta saw her sitting and cradling the baby, he decided that she would be - the one. Maybe he was blind with love, but at that moment he decided that with Shiori he wanted all of that too.

It was strange for Yuta to go to Tokyo just to have a coffee with his ex-girlfriend. But everything was no longer normal, because why didn't she want to see her daughter? The city gave him a feeling of fear this time. Everything seemed to overwhelm him and he hoped that soon he would only find answers once. Everything was crazy with Shiori, everything was always full of questions. Even when she left him at that time, he didn't know if she broke up or just wanted some distance and free space.

It was what felt like the 100th call Yuta made. Shiori hadn't answered for weeks. On her social media accounts, he could see that she was fine. But why didn't she get in touch with him anymore? Why did she ignore him. They were together for so long and then that? "Still nothing?" Taeil asked and Yuta nodded. "I just don't understand it. Why suddenly? It was all good and then suddenly she doesn't answer." Yuta was angry, more angry than she had in a long time. His heart was broken and this experience is so strange to him. He doesn't remember when he last had such a heartache.

When Yuta was sitting in the cafe, he swiped over the pictures of Chichi and he had to smile. She was so cute, so pretty, and so intelligent. But she was incredibly shy. But he thinks that's the reason of the circumstances because she spent most of her time with him and then every now and then with the Jung family. Shiori was late. At first, it was only 5 minutes, then 10, then 20. He didn't trust her and he was already so angry that he preferred to just go. He felt humiliated that he only traveled to Tokyo for her, that he left Chichi alone. But he didn't do it for himself, he did it for his daughter. After 35 minutes she was there. She only wore black and a mask, but still, she was elegant. It was difficult to recognize for strangers, but he knew immediately that it was her. Especially when he looked into her eyes because they were the same as Chichi. "I'm sorry for being late. I was delayed." She sat down at the table with him and took off her mask. "How are you?" She looked at Yuta and tried to smile. "Don't you want to know how your ... our daughter is doing?" Yuta was mad. Really mad. He didn't feel like small talk. Shiori sighed and just didn't say anything. "Why can't you be a mother to her?" Yuta looked at her and could only feel disgusted. "I can't be a mother to her." She shook her head and grabbed her forehead. "She calls Y/N Mummy because she is the only woman in her life at the moment. But Y/N cannot be a mother substitute for her because she has children herself." All his anger came out and he was so hurt that all he could do was hate. But Shiori just sat staring into the void. "Don't you even want to meet your daughter?" He sighed, as much as he hated her now, he didn't want his daughter not to know her mother. "I don't think that would be a good thing." She shook her head and tears ran down her face. "Don't you want to see how pretty she got? Chichi is so brave but so shy at the same time. She is totally fascinated by horses and she likes the color pink. She sings, dances and laughs a lot. And when she ..." "STOP IT!" Shiori screamed and people looked at you briefly. She fell silent and waited for her eyes to turn away from her. "I don't want to know anything about her. I don't want her to see me later." Suddenly she took her bag and pulled out a few documents. "Why? Why don't you want to meet such a wonderful and perfect person like Chichi?" He still didn't understand. Why didn't a mother want her child. "Because I know I'm going to love her and I just can't." She sighed and wiped away her last tears. "Why? Shiori tell me what's going on. Why don't you want to love Chichi?" He never thought that this conversation would go in this direction. "Because I got engaged. To someone big, rich and powerful. If he knew that I had a child, I'm no longer worth anything to him. We'll get married in two weeks and until then I want to clear everything up. No one from his people was able to find out that I gave birth to Chichi because I gave birth to her at home and therefore she doesn’t appear in hospital files. Yuta, I'm going to start a new life and I don't want you or Chichi in it anymore. That's why I wanted to speak to you." She sighed and tried to collect herself. She pushed a folder of documents over to him and took a deep breath. "Everything is in here. Chichi was never registered in Japan, you have to apply for a birth certificate afterward. But since you have already been to Japan with her, I assume that she already has a passport and that you have taken care of everything. I've set up a trust fund for Chichi. I regularly send money to my mother and she pays it into the fund, which is in the name of Chichi, when she is the age of 18 she gets the money. It’s more than enough money. If she is old enough she should never look for me and if you have a new wife it is okay that she accepts her as a mother. You can read everything in the documents, they are all real, you can check it." She put her hands away from the folder and took her wallet out of her pocket. "I just found out that I am pregnant again from my fiancé. When we are married, our relationship will be published in the press and we will announce my pregnancy. That is why confidentiality is particularly important to me. You must therefore sign this declaration of confidentiality." When Yuta opened the folder, the document was right at the beginning. He read it through and continued to wrestle for words. "What if I don't sign it?" He looked up at her and couldn't believe it, because it also said that he shouldn't tell Chichi about her. "Do you want to mess with one of the most powerful families in all of Japan, maybe Asia?" She looked at him seriously and Yuta knew that this shit was serious, and he had to sign it, if only to protect his daughter. So he took the document and signed it. Shiori took the document and put it in her pocket. "Thank you. It's for your and Chichi's safety." She smiled wrongly and put money on the table. Then she got up and packed her things. "I hope that's what you want." Yuta looked after her ironically and she stopped again and looked desperately at her ex-boyfriend. "It's all I wanted. I live powerful and rich now." Only then could Yuta laugh with contempt and Shiori looked at him one last time and then understood. Forever.

It was summer and everything seemed to be perfect. The light shone brightly in the room and made everything white. He lay on his back and took a deep breath, she was lying on his chest and had her eyes closed because the light dazzled her. It was warm, but still, they didn't want to separate their bodies. Yuta loved her so much, holding her in her arms was the best in a long time. He hadn't known when he had loved someone like this for a long time. Holding her in his arms was the highlight of his day. "Are you happy?" She asked him and turned her head to him. Yuta stroked her hair and smiled. "Yes. I'm the richest man with you." He kissed her gently and long and enjoyed the moment. "And you?" He stroked her chin with his thumb and he smiled. "With you always." She smiled and closed her eyes again. It was the last time it was between them until she left him.

When Yuta was finally back in Seoul, he went straight to the Jung's to pick up his daughter. It was already in the evening and Chichi would probably be asleep by now. But he still couldn't wait to hold her in his arms. Jaehyun didn't ask him many questions and he was happy because it just made him sad. He was not sad about himself, but about Chichi. She will never have a mother. He still couldn't understand why Shiori was like that, why she was suddenly so heartless. When he came into the living room, he saw Chichi slept in your arms. His little head rested on your pregnant stomach and she slept so peacefully. On the one hand, Yuta was sad because Chichi will never have a mother like you, but on the other hand, he was glad that you were there for her. "Hello, my sweetheart." He picked up Chichi to put her on his chest. The little girl opened her eyes briefly, saw her father, put her arms around him, and fell asleep again on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" You ask Yuta and you could see that he was pretty exhausted. "Shiori will never be able to be a mother. It is even official." He sighed and stroked his daughter's back. Jaehyun and you look at him but don't say anything. "I thought to myself ..." Yuta suddenly turned to you and looked at you seriously. "I know your household will soon grow by two more. But I wanted to ask if you might become Chichi's godmother. I think maybe it is good that she has a female person to confide her to. And Sunoh and she are almost the same age and I think they will go to school together and ... " Yuta took a deep breath, but you are already smiling. "It's not a problem. I like to take care of Chichi." You were even honored that Yuta asked you. And he was relieved that his little girl doesn't have to be alone.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[theorynexus]

59:  The Continuing Adventures of Dave and Roxy, as well as the concerns assailing them.

Yay, the Charleston!   (Boo the fact that if Jake’s targeted by a sniper, Dave can’t so easily react by slowing down time and tackling him out of the way, or whatever!)

***sagenods, despite never having had anything like his own experience, myself***

It’s good to see that in quantifiable terms, there. Also good to see Dave’s awkward insecurity on the matter never faded away during those recognition stages. It makes it at least 1000% funnier. Ask Colonel Sassacre.

HA!   Also:  I love to see that paranoia in action, ramping up the comedy value even more and legitimizing my previous statement that this was funny, which some people would consider incredibly rude, probably! It is also interesting to think of the fact that the 30-70% enumeration suggests he goes back and forth as far as which of the two sexes he is apparently considering legitimate “targets” of his interest (troll biology/sexuality didn’t cease to be probably quite different from human reproductive systems, or anything, and Calliope/cherubs in general may very well be hermaphroditic either in a simultaneous or sequential manner, so I obviously have to recognize them here).  Obviously, there’s also the possibility he’s just not thinking of such other sexes due to is human upbringing on earth, were intersex members of society are relatively rare, and thus the idea that there are only two sexes tends to widely be embraced by (most, but increasingly not all) members of the Western society/civilization he dwelt in. I don’t blame him for his upbringing: everyone brings their own baggage into their later life.

Yeah... the Stralondes bring some interesting genetic factors to the table. I am not sure how much that actually directly influences things. Part of the issue is probably Bro’s impact on his life, which exposed Dave to a great deal of sexual material and almost undeniably stunted his growth in weird ways.   (Note: I do not suggest that his apparent self-labeled bisexuality is a result of his growth being stunted, regardless of the fact that one’s early life does indeed have an impact on one’s later identity; rather, I am merely suggesting that Bro’s influences, while dramatically increasing his capacity for survival in SBURB, and thus technically being instrumental to everything that followed, gave him psychological issues which everyone must admit made him struggle quite a bit over the years.   It may be likely that he would have developed the same sexual dispositions regardless of the scars Bro inflicted on him [both emotional and physical], but we can never truly know, for Time is weird: issues are entangled.)

Dirk, you named yourself after a Platonic work!   How can you not understand how great and important relationships which reach to the point of bonds between souls and transcend the physicality of sexual relations can be?!?!?!

GAH, I just... sometimes, you really can’t expect reasonable thoughts from this guy, can you?

On the other hand, let’s just all take a moment to celebrate the irony of “... even my harshest critics would never accuse me of such cruelty” from Dirk Strider. Best. Fricking. bundle of words that ever emerged from his mouth, probably.

I would argue that even without the opposition, displays of gender are by no means culturally vestigial in the same way that fashion generally is not. It’s a direct reflection of the soul, projected outward.  (Like a person’s hat, or shirt. [Dirk having a hat on his shirt was not just a reflection of the fact that he was “kid bro,” or whatever, but was actually an early suggestion of his Heart aspect.]) Obviously, this is limited by the resources, imagination, and environment/occupation of the individual involved, and there are in fact numerous things which are more important for a person in reality, but that doesn’t mean that it’s something to be dismissed like that altogether.

***cough projected future dramatic irony, cough***   Also ironic insofar as I am not 100% sure he actually cares about Roxy’s identity/gender issues so much as he might find them annoying and boring to be dragged through. Somewhat ironic+hilarious for a fellow Heart player to find this kind of thing unbearable, if so.   Maybe it’s just the Prince in him.

It is good of you to be concerned for her well-being, I suppose. Considering it is your own identity that is at issue, here, I would suggest you hold a little more weight, but regardless, this is good.  As for the matter of your transformation and dissatisfaction with your hair as it is now:  I suppose Dave’s step by step relation of his own journey as made quite an impression on you.   Hopefully, you do not feel jealous, but rather, patiently continue to contemplate your own path and, as Alt!Calliope suggests you might think, head toward a more potent and firm+real understanding of your own identity+self. ��It is okay to be uncertain and questioning, for now.  I’m sure the shakiness of first steps will give way to confidence naturally in due time. These things are not easy, obviously, but reaching out to someone who’s had similar struggles is a good choice: it will likely make things easier, especially since he’s someone you can dependably put your trust in, despite his flippant, awkward attitude in general. (Also: on a more abstract note, it is interesting to see Roxy ascribing meaninglessness to her hair choice, and expressing lack of understanding on her identity issues. Very tight writing, on Hussie’s part, making the kids reflect their aspects and struggle so keenly with things relating to them.)

Given the fact that Cherubs naturally have very violent sex and spend eons before their first (and only?) sexual encounter, that’s not really much of an insult, if “virgin” should ever be considered one to begin with.  Pompous is definitely more accurate and applicable, though. Also:  Hooray, actually saying things, and getting the size of his text back again! (I am not actually really cheering for Dirk so much as I am finding it interesting for the sake of the ongoing conflict acting as an undercurrent to the storytelling, right now. It’s truly fascinating to see two narrators fighting amongst themselves like this! )

Everything about this (especially Alt!Calliope’s confidence and her “’human tanties’” line) is incredibly amusing. I love it.

Lil Cal might beg to differ. But that is a complicated tangent which does not deal with this version of Dirk directly.     (Preemptive Edit:  Also funny because of the fact that Doc Scratch is literally a walking, talking puppet with a Dirk inside.)

Yes, justifying toying with your friends because you know them and have investment in their lives therefore is indeed very logical, reasonable, and highly rational of you to do. Thank you for this brilliant insight into the human condition.

Oh, so this is now a reference to the Charles Whitman shootings at the University of Texas?   That is a very interesting and curious choice to portray Dirk’s derangement with, especially considering the earlier statement about Dirk knowing solitude in a similar manner to Alt!Calliope’s own knowledge of it.    (Almost appropriate, considering she basically destroyed the fabric of Paradox Space to kill her brother in cold blood [the way revenge and Eternity are best served], but I guess this is a digression~)

I wonder if he really intends this, or if it is in fact a ruse in order to time things perfectly such that he can in fact shoot Alt!Calliope in Jade’s body without her initially expecting it. Particularly since, if I am thinking of the correct gun, it actually shoots portals that allow for ridiculously long range shots that would normally be impossible.

Wow, that is cold, Alt!Calliope, throwing Rose under the bus like that.   Also:  I suddenly have “ Do the impossible, see the invisible. Row! Row! Fight the power! Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable. Row! Row! Fight the power!” playing in my head, as if this were a flash animation. That thought process really puts things in perspective, if this is supposed to be  (at least to him) a tale of Dirk fighting against causality and the will of Paradox Space to make things become irrelevant and to fade out of perception.

Guaranteed to blow [somebody’s] mind.

She warned you about---

History repeating itself.

Such anime. Such wonders.  Man, this is really fricking interesting, seeing Dirk and Calliope actually going at it on a twinned physical and metaphysical battlefield!   It’s like we’re finally being shown a cherub predomination contest in action!    (I wonder if Alt!Calliope will eventually fall into caliginous attraction for him. This would be quite amusing.)

Wow, that was probably a bad move taken at an inopportune time. The question is: Is she forced to make that by laws of narrative relevance, or is it a purposeful decision on her part to spitefully turn away from him, despite the likely imminent consequences. On the other hand: This could be a very powerful and shrewd tactic on her part to recruit Dave to serve her purposes. Given his presence at the event, he could either intercept Dirk (I almost called him Bro-- gah!) or save Jake, if led properly. If she is particularly spiteful, she could use him as a sacrificial piece and have him take the bullet instead of Jake, which could be very, very painful to Dirk.

Huh. Despite Terezi’s comment about onions not making people cry, Trolls are inherently averse to them in the same way that dogs are to chocolate, huh? Also, people are Ogres, and Homestuck is Shrek. This is definitely the unadulterated truth. Additionally:   Pffft.  It seems that the idea that the Green Sun Black Hole’s presence making Roxy’s own void less effective for everyone might be true!   Or, alternatively, Dave just knows enough to make the guess. Or both, possibly.

Pffft. She’s oblivious to her own inscrutability!   Perfect. XD That said: YES!   HECK YES!  HECK FRICKING YES, ROXY SHADES!!!   :’D (Oh, and shades are a symbol of the Void [not just because they keep out light, but because they block the eyes, which are symbolic of Light and Heart, but more importantly for this, Light], the same way that alcohol and oceans are. Somewhat surprising that she didn’t have a pair of them already, at this point, if we’re being totally honest.)

Yeah, if it was not obvious that the method of Alt!Calliope informing Dave of this threat would be subtle like that rather than a direct statement/command, then I don’t know what is obvious to you guys.

This, psychologically+sociologically, makes a great deal of sense, considering humans seem to have a natural propensity for feeling distasteful towards some sort of “other,” regardless of what it is. Thus, there’s a double-edged sword involved, quite logically, and somewhat saddeningly, to the otherwise open and accepting mentality that humans seem to have socially adopted in their new environment.       At the same time, the way that this is delivered is horribly hilarious (tragi-comically so), and I’m barely sorry that I find that to be the case.

Yes. Yes, it was cute, indeed. Sad to see it go, somewhat.  But his question is incredibly silly and very awkward, just as is natural for Dave. Thus, I find it acceptable and in-character, not insulting or narrow-minded, as some might.

***laughs alongside them, for indeed, this has all become quite funny, despite the fact that it is a “distaction [sic.]” from the seriousness at hand***

FRICKING...  DANGIT, ALT!CALLIOPE, IF THIS TURNS OUT THE WAY YOUR WORDING IMPLIES IT WILL, I SWEAR...!!!

Okay, so you seem to have just used it as a convenient threat, and worded things such that he had time that he didn’t necessarily clearly have in order to basically take two actions instead of one.   (His jump to save Karkat could have cost Jake his life, or Dave his.)

As I was going to say, but was prevented from doing due to a belief that it would be better to include these lines too:   His statement about her being right about many things clearly, while initially making it seem that he was indeed going to take the shot, heroic death chance or no, almost certainly ensures that this is actually a subterfuge on his part (similar to but a reversal of Caliborn replacing the hats on the king and queen: in this case, he is switching his OPPONENT’s chess pieces’ appearances, making her think he’s targeting one, but is actually going for the other, more crucial target [as should be obvious, given the thematic similarities between Dirk and Caliborn, and the tendency of events in Paradox Space to rhyme with one another]).

Check.

Indeed, indeed. Alt!Calliope senses a similar pattern, quite sensibly, which is fitting with her role as Muse, and her understanding of it. Unfortunately, while she picked up correctly one one such similarity/resonance, it seems she’s missed some others.   I do appreciate this comment on immortality, though. I had not actually thought about that, and this makes his potential actions somewhat more benign. (Not that it would render his later actions as such.)

I really fricking appreciate the “no guts no glory” comment coming right before this extremely gutsy reveal on his part. By saying as such, he could easily be ruining his plan, but he just goes ahead and says it anyway. XD BEAUTIFUL writing, right there.

It was less intelligent of him to narrate his own action so long-windedly, but completely in-character.  It gave her the time required to interject like that. That said: I bet he’s going to fire via voice command or something like that.

And THAT, my friends, is why you don’t underestimate your opponents, and you should not announce your belief in the futility of their actions to their faces like a stereotypical villain would!   Also:  WILLPOWER!!!

...   Yet this does not end the page, and despite the fact that it would be a magnificent point to end the post, I will not do so.  I will first say that I was almost certain Dirk was actually in fact successfully hiding something from her when he was messing with his equipment/tech there [and great foresight on his part, to think this far ahead, by the way], and secondly, shall end the post with the actual page’s ending:

I appreciate his continued devotion to realism in sound effects and whatnot.

To be fair, he could be using that term technically and literally, here, but I also very much do believe that he was not, which is unfortunate. v.v Thus, Alt!Calliope’s question is quite valid.   Though my guess is that Dirk’s response will be something along the lines of, “She chose death and you over life with me.”  This might make her a “bitch” in the same way that men in prison who are raped are reported to be one, rather than the typical insulting-particularly-to-women version of the phrase. Regardless, this is uncalled for. ~~~ It is nice to see the fact that Alt!Calliope’s text is getting smaller, now, by the way.

I don’t appreciate this mockery/show boating. It’s quite abrasive and distasteful. I do see it as being rather in-line with what I’d imagine his character would do, given the frustrating situation he was previously put in, though. Also:  This very much resembles what happened when he was first suppressed. There is much hilarity to be found in that, all things considered. Alt!Calliope was definitely a bit more benign in some ways and objective (most of the time), but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t some major similarities between narrators. Additionally:   I do quite love this example of narrative vs. physical action.  I only remember Caliborn/LE and Hussie ever engaging in that sort of contest before.  Well... you could say that there were a few examples of it with the Exiles and Kids/Trolls (like what Bec did to PM’s station, or Sollux’s defense against CD), but they don’t really feel like they were quiiitee substantive enough to count. Regardless!: Very refreshing and interesting, this style of conflict is! Thanks, AH! ... Buuuut there is just a liiitttle tiny bit left over on the page to comment on, so I’ll get to that.  (Oh, also, I totally imagine Jade falling asleep in the classic manner she used to before entering the session, just slumping over with her hands splayed out under her~)

Okaaayyy... if you say so. The fact that tranquilizers can be lethal in doses that are too high does not jive well with your uncertainty, though.   Oh, and also:  WHAAAAT?!  You’re going to leave?!  This is a completely unexpected---   Okay, I can’t and won’t keep up that charade when admittedly the couple of pages I read of Homestuck^2 before freaking out and stopping showed a weird-shaped ship that looked vaguely like a flying fish.    I had tried to forget about that, but the memory suddenly rushed back to me as I read that bit of narration.

Ehh?   Is this suggesting that the Candy epilogue is chiefly narrated by Alt!Calliope?   I mean... it would sortof work out logically, given her very pro-Free Will stance, and the association of Calliope with preferring Candy as food... .

Hmm. This further supports that notion. Iiiif that is the case, Dirk stands as the proxy for LE/Caliborn even moreso than otherwise was clearly the case.  In retrospect, this makes it pretty gosh darned funny that his head got chopped off along with Jack English and Jack Noir (who, holding English’s “lordly sceptre,” and holding reign over the Felt, was OBVIOUSLY an English stand-in, as well  [I still giggle at his sudden use of it like a horse {hitcher} in the middle of the fight]).       Very, veeeeerrry interesting. ~~~ I wonder if Dirk was testing the idea of interjecting himself back into the narrative when he said, “Jake’s ass is mine,” twice, earlier. Oh, and credit to Forgotten Homestuck Facts for the pic compilation, earlier. 

[terellwheeleravstv]

“Mama’s Man-boy”

My name is Terell Wheeler , i’m going to start this by saying I’m the manliest momma’s boy you know, without effort.

So the story goes, born in Kentucky raised Indiana and lived near the city at a young age up until 2nd grade and then moved to the suburbs with my grandmother. I liked it better than the city because the city was just too tough and I was just too nice for my own good. This was a choice I was given because my mother saw a better future for me although it was the hardest thing for her to do, she allowed me to make the choice because she’s always wanted what’s best for me, protected me, loved me and believed in me the most. She’s the main reason I’m here today and able to share this story with you.

It’s now 2002 and I’m in second grade and again it begins, the constant bullying, trash talking, you know the norm to me at this point, just like when I lived in the city, but I didn’t think much of it, however it starts to fuel the fire that I never thought I had in me and then the anger began to manifest. I wasn’t understanding why people were always wanting to hurt me and now I know it’s because I’m too nice and people take that for weakness. To be nice is to have a good heart and to have a good heart is different. (“People don’t like what they don’t understand”) I can’t really blame them and I forgave them for that a fight or two later the funny part is these kids would become some of my closet friends. I didn’t think this would become a continuous pattern in my life, but life throws you curve balls so the story begins.

2004 I finally start to feel accepted, I started to make friends, I felt a sense of love and I was happy. The same people that started to accept me once they got to know me are the same people that started to be nice to me before I left the city when I was younger, these were people that were different than me, different to me means nice, these people made me feel comfortable for whatever reason and I felt no hate. Call me soft or whatever you may but it’s always been easier to be around people that don’t piss me off.

2005 Rolls around and I’m starting to get to know myself a little better well at least I thought so, I start hanging around all these different looking people for the simple fact that they were nice to me and were pretty cool characters. I honestly think they were only nice because I was good at sports especially football but I don’t know haha maybe they actually did like me. Yet another pattern in my life.

2006 My mother has this cool boyfriend, I would have to say this guy has been one of the biggest influences in my life to this day, he would always play video games with my cousin and I, watch football with us and just hang out like one of the kids, long story short he influenced me to want to play football and I took it from there, I became really passionate about it, every morning I would wake up and watch ESPN classics. I’ve always been interested in watching and learning from the legends and greats and that’s with anything.

2007 Another year of football, but my cousin is getting into other things and listening to all this different music, I never really thought much of it but I knew it

wasn’t for me and I was starting to think football was kind of boring although I was really good at it. My cousin started skateboarding and started pressing me to start skateboarding and I just didn’t see the appeal or why he wanted me to skate so badly but slowly he started showing me trick tip videos and he would watch all these other cool skate videos. I’d see how cool all his friends were and then finally I started skateboarding. Well I did and I fell in love the same way I had once fell in love with football, all the passion just transferred over to skating.

2008 I was starting to get influenced by the skate videos I was watching and I began to start documenting my cousin and his friends with a high-8 camera and shortly after started a skateboard team called nature, I made shirts and we started to work on a little video I then started using my mom’s digital camera. I used the camera to film but also to take pictures of all the cool things my cousin, his friends and my friends were doing on skateboards. I also started to meet more skateboarders these people were cool with me because they shared skateboarding. However from time to time some of them that weren’t so close to me would talk about me and someone always came back and told me. That never sat well with me because I was always nice to everyone, for the simple fact that that’s what I expected in return.

2010 I’d start to hear more about a kid that was exactly like me and him and I are pretty much twins we just have slightly different backgrounds and a slightly different aesthetic but none the less being so much like each other we wanted to find differences and I think other people hyped the negativity up because who wouldn’t want to see two civilized kids against each other. So for a short time we had this kind of rival

against each other and eventually we squashed it and he joined our skate crew. We all were in the middle of a skateboard video and this video would change all of our lives in a huge way. Even to this day things that we went through to make that video we still use in our everyday lives. It was a very positive time in our lives. A lot of knowledge gained and life lessons learned. God bless you all.

2011 This is a crucial year I’m really learning more about myself well at least it seemed that way. The thing is this, I’m the type of person that’s goes into everything that sparks an interest to me and I go with 100% passion and I get so consumed in it that nothing else matters to me outside of that world. I feel the same about women, if I have a lady I’m all about her. For a huge portion of my life and even now success has been one of the most important things to me, because wanting it has made me the person I am today, and my definition of success is something a little different than you might think. Once I knew I wanted success I started hitting it hard with filming, I started filming other things besides skateboarding because I realized I wanted and still want to do more than just one thing. Wanting to be successful so I could finally just live, I don’t only want better for me, I want better for those around me, well those that I can trust because people show themselves. I want better for our youth, I want people to want to be better for themselves and their families.

2012 people love to call me white, gay or just odd and me being the quiet awkward kid I am I didn’t say much, I was just like “nah just me, Just Terell, just on a different level than you” well people never listened to that, my friends left school the year before, it didn’t really phase me much I just had no one to hang out with so I made new friends and they showed me great music, I don’t listen to much of it anymore but I do remember

some of the sounds. They were genuinely nice amongst other things. These people had the biggest influence on my life I think, God bless you guys. Come to think of it I would also like to thank two girls I met in Chicago and their parents, they are good people. These people really opened my eyes to how great I could become. They all made me want to be super smart, super versatile.

2013 everyone started to slow down on the skateboarding and that was killing me, it may have started earlier we also slowed down on youth group and that was another reason I figured I should start shooting other types of videos alongside skateboarding. All of my friends that I had felt I had known my whole life were going in different directions and I’m just in my room day after day editing videos or just learning and studying. My craft consumed me.

2014 comes around I’ve shot a fair share of videos by now, I feel like I’ve found what fits me but I want to do more and learn more, short films became my next thing, but I came to terms with myself, and I came to the realization that Indiana wasn’t for me anymore. I needed to learn more and at this time I think I was already visiting my girlfriend back and forth when the funds were there. I was already planning to move at some point anyways but she was the push I needed. So I visited over winter break and spent a lot of time with her kind of getting a feel for what it would be like to live there and then I went out and got a job and that made it all solid. I moved the next week, I had never been more happy in my life, I felt like I got my life back together and I wanted to stay on this earth even more. I’m in new city now working at this job and I notice these people are different than me but I didn’t care about that because I come from skateboarding and spirituality runs through my blood therefore we accept everyone no matter what color, size shape etc. That’s

the way of a skateboarder and the way of a Christian, if you’re a good person we can vibe so that’s how I treat life I mean I think it’s only right.

2015 I’m realizing a change in me I’m becoming a little more mean than I’m use to even my own self being. It’s affecting my relationship and other parts of my life. I’m feeling this void. I’m feeling empty and lost but I’m just masking it. I’m up and down there’s a lot of sleepless nights and it’s just something wrong with me that I can’t quite figure out. Thank you to those that didn’t give up on me. I begin to blame everyone but myself and now I know that was my biggest problem. One thing I do know is that I didn’t, and don’t want to be angry anymore. So I started to seek help, not from a doctor or a friend I just started watching positive things and listening to positive music. I thought this would be enough but it wasn’t so by the end of the year I start calling my mother more and more, she told me just what I needed to hear. She gave me all the right books and this eventually lead to me turning to God.

We’re in to the middle 2016 now, I’ve been working this job for a short time and since day one have been getting hate for no reason it reminds me of a job I left in Chicago nothing against those people so much love there, they taught me a lot but didn’t understand me in the beginning a lot like most others. That being said I needed to leave because I needed to find myself again for me. I needed to be whole, and I needed understanding. However this is a different ball game now because a new light has begun to shine in me, it’s unlocked so much. People start to hate though but I ignore it because I’m use to hateful people, and I try my best to best to keep my cool for personal reasons such as anger issues, that mom has slowly but surely

helped me get under control, because I was never that person to be super angry, but it’s there when it needs to be.

It’s kind of crazy though because for some time I handled it all so differently which was the wrong way (alcohol and weed) and it was starting to wear on me without me even knowing it, I kind of became dependent on it because it was just easier. I went through hell but I deserved some of it I acknowledge my wrongs, I know I’m not perfect, but after a while you start to wonder why everything you do seems wrong when you’ve given your all, little do you know it’s right under your nose, it has been this whole time. Fast forward to the end of the month I get fired for reasons I’m not sure of.

I am feeling more comfortable now it took me a week to figure out why people were looking at me weird and talking about me. Well like I said the light the shines within me is a very pure one, not to say I haven’t made mistakes, done wrong, ruined my relationship, done acid, been around some of the wrong people and influences but that’s a part of life it’s a part of being human, and if you haven’t been sheltered your whole life you’ve been through some things too, this is why I don’t believe in judging. I’m thankful for forgiveness, and peace. Imagine this though, being a genuine person in a place where there’s all these different people testing you, nothing against anyone I just don’t understand bitterness and anger to a certain extent. It’s easy to be that way. That being said I would like to let anyone know that’s ever misunderstood me or hated me because of ignorance, I forgive you, I love you and if I’ve wronged you in any way please forgive me.

This is the most important part of the story it’s still early in the year, I’ve written down goals, I’m going to accomplish them all. Before having the job I had in Chicago and the one I had shortly after moving back to Indiana, I’d never had a real job besides freelance videography but nothing like a normal job so with these jobs I just went into it being myself and I knew to do that because my mom has always told me to be myself, I have always known who I am but I started to let distractions alter my mind. Don’t ever let people get in your head because they will try to take advantage of you.

The point of this short book was not to tell you my life story because this surely is not that, I was actually unconscious of what I was doing to myself and what I was around all these years so this is me that’s not me taking shots at anything or anyone so fall back this is me breaking my silence, this is 12 years of weakness leaving the body, this is me using my voice, and this is part of my effort with the words that God has given me to help others small ways. Don’t ever feel like you’re alone and even if you do feel alone embrace it. Don’t let the negatives in life consume you. I promise if you look on the bright side no matter what your situation one day you’ll be happy. Find you a nice women that’s all in, and if you’re a woman vice versa. Just let all that anger go that you have against yourself, the world, the people that have done you wrong etc. Never change unless it’s for the better.

There’s one last thing I would like you to take away from this, I’m still new to the word of God, I’m still new to church but God has always been with me and she’s lead me back to the right path, it may have taken some time and understanding, but he’s opened my eyes. I’m not better than anyone as I’ve stated before these are the words that God has given me to share with you all and I don’t believe anyone is better than me. I’m just like you and we’d get a lot further in life if you didn’t focus on my aesthetic but the person that I am, and what I’m presenting to you. Show love to everyone that needs it, deserves it, or is pleading for it, I like to think that’s the way of life, just to do good and be a good person. When a human being is shown love it changes them in the best way possible. I know that for a fact, because I’ve changed a lot of lives by doing so. People just need to know you care and appreciate them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this book, I hope nothing came off wrong or anything, and I’m sure people will try to use things against me because I’ve already seen it but that’s cool, remember you’re not perfect. Now go enjoy life and make peace with yourself and others around you.

“I’m going to start this by saying I’m the manliest momma’s boy you know, without effort.”

https://medium.com/@terellwheeler

https://twitter.com/avisualistv

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[theorynexus]

Fudge, I already did 57/ Now I have to do 58/ 13 over 12, man / I guess we’re doing human stuff instead of trolling, today.

Coincidentally via some sort of textual wonder possibly related to authorial intent and/or miracles, we now have to focus on Roxy, now. Somewhat ironic, considering Terezi just said she and John wouldn’t work out. ...

***shift eyes, something about knowing the unknowable and the vagueries thereof, possible interference by the new Narrator, et cetera*** Hmmm~

What, so black holes cause suck up all the voidiness into themselves via proximity?!   Noooo~      Who’d have thought!     (In all seriousness, that gives some interesting resonance mechanic relation, here. I want to know whether it’s just Alt!Calliope that can sense said thoughts, if it’s just Roxy being over-emotional, or if any other observer would be able to pick such thoughts up and it’s just a mater of proxy-imity.)

Okay, then. I thought the point of this was to look like a completely passive observer and not tip people off other than via the black eyes, but you do you, I guess-- if that’s intentional.  Nice gazing out through the fourth wall, though. I’m sure Jade would be/is vaguely proud, knowing the narrative resonance, here, given her own fourth wall breaking shenanigans. 

I blame time and void interactions. Also Dave being an insufferable prick. Good to know, regarding Roxy and their feelings toward Dave, though.

Is Dirk going to literally shoot him in the arse?   That would be horribly ironic, and probably quite crippling to Joke Jake’s reputation and/or the power of his endorsement, if so.   Semi-related:   I do sortof understand Dave’s belief/concern with regards to the importance of this event.    What I want to know is why there are not thousands of Daves running around, all helping the campaign and being available to deal with other important tasks.

“Iced” cream is the best fricking thing, Dirk, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.

This really reminds me of Equius and Nepeta, and that is sortof cute. I almost can’t stand it.  Honestly, this relationship is actually quite similar, except Alt!Calliope is much more dominant in the relationship than Nepeta was. Also Dirk probably has more potential to damage things than Equius did (other than way out of the temporal frame of that moirallegiance, as part of Lord English--- and even then, Nepeta ironically acted as a counter to his muscle-bound rage, albeit way after much of the damage had already been done [thanks, Davesprite {albeit, unrelated to the matter at hand, this relationship was probably why Davepettasprite^2 was destined in such a way to handle Lord English, in addition to the prophesies surrounding Dave dealing with him, Davesprite being the first one to get Caledfwlch, and the flying off into the sun prophesy (which was aided greatly by Seppucrow, the true hero of the story)}]).    I guess that makes this relationship relatively more important, maybe.

So fricking wonderful and adorable.   I do wonder why there are not that many consorts, though. Maybe they are just too distracted and hyperactive to have much in the way of drive to participate in politics.  The humans I sortof vaguely understand, albeit I’d have thought that more might show up specifically for Jake’s speech, assuming that it was announced beforehand.

Dirk feels predictably antagonized, and is lashing out. I have a feeling that he’d intended to do something major before all this control was taken from him, but this will probably make it worse. Hmm.

Heh.   I don’t think that he means to “pump her full of daylight,” at the moment, so this is still funny instead of terrifying.

Huh. Dave already knew about Calliope’s gender and is chill with it. Neat.

Oh. Umm... while I’m sure that he does not need that in order to target Jade’s body if he intends to do so, that is quite foreboding. He is indeed quite capable of tricking people into doing things, at times, isn’t he?

HAH!   That is horrible, you self-obsessed weirdo! XD

More serious than being mind controlled by a space witch with bad intentions who has mind powers stolen from all the major players of her species, huh?  (I seriously still wonder how the fight against her went so relatively-seemingly easily, and what happened with her curse.  Maybe it only transfers in LE’s proximity, or something. )      ... Also, it wasn’t entirely just a joke, Roxy, geeze.

Thaaat’s what happens when your world is under a corrupting influence that is twisting the fabric of reality to their whim.  (The question is: Is this Dirk or Calliope?  Does she really have the right to judge him for his actions, if he really is expressing free will in doing so?   Yes, yes she does, because he is strongly subverting the will of others, and justice in Paradox Space demands some sort of counterbalancing force.  If his excess relevance as the Narrator is the only cost he faces, rather than dying a Just Death, he should feel lucky.)

***peals of cherubic laughter peal out in the background***    Random reminder:  Angels (in Homestuck) are terrifying demons that should be taken as harbringers of the apocalypse. Alt!Calliope has already played this job once along with Lord English. Is her presence outside canon an ill omen by definition?  (I am not sure Calliope the younger entirely counts, given her special circumstances, by the way. Hard to say.)

Beautiful. It’s almost like he’s an open PAGE of Hope, waiting to be written! 

This is a somewhat wise impression.  But it’s complicated, and great power means great responsibility. Especially when the nuclear genie has already been let out of the bottle on account of someone’s great ambition.  (Note: I actually find Jane’s impulse to rule over her creation to be a reasonable one to have, all things considered. I am not judging her negatively for this. I am just not 100% certain that it is the right path to go on before they get a few dozen more years to wise them up, or maybe a few centuries.   Wisdom is a very important thing for leadership, and it comes with age!   Of course, experience also helps, but it might be useful to have some sort of smaller-scale experimentation with politic--  oh, wait, wasn’t she made a mayor at some point, according to the credits?  That really hasn’t been emphasized in the epilogue at all, but probably should be more heavily considered.    It’s still not enough experience for me to feel confident in her, but it’s something. Hmm.)

I mean... I can hear you. I thought your awareness was still there. I guess maybe having your position of control taken away from you might have sapped that as well, maybe.   And yes, it is very interesting, indeed. Now, please put down the gun and try to negotiate more reasonably and in a more civilized fashion than the mistaken cowboy diplomacy idea you’re now engaging in. I will give Dirk some slack insofar as he is still getting used to her identifying as such, but he is sortof making a fool of himself by lashing out at Alt!Callie like that. It’s rather irrational, and doesn’t reflect very well on his character. It makes him out as being rather petulant and inflexible when it comes to identity matters.

Yeeeeep.

This is true (regarding the last part).  It is also really sad to see them fighting like this. >:

Dave, you are being a dummy. You should really stop.

Aww. That is a very cute reaction. :3 Also, that is somewhat dishonest, Alt!Calliope.  You should say “seemingly” nothing.  ***harrumphs and wags my finger at them!***

It is somewhat rude of him to laugh, but I am almost tempted to laugh too, specifically at the fact that this is Alt!Calliope confirming emphatically the beauty of their other version in Roxy’s eyes. It has a sort of ironic tension and silliness to it. Possibly some pride.        I therefore cannot entirely blame him for his laughter, for I do not know whether that is what he is laughing at, or if he’s laughing at the idea of finding an alien skull monster beautiful (which she really is).

It is sortof nice to see this encouragement from Dirk, albeit it is probably laced with irony and sarcasm.  Knowing one’s self and admitting/accepting the things one feels is incredibly important to a person’s health! It feels brotherly of him.

I wonder if Roxy actually feels that way (that it is none of her business), or if it’s Alt!Calliope’s somewhat cold (and sarcastically-directed) interpretation of things. Hmm.

A very important question to ask for someone who is dealing with their own identity issues and/or worries about their friends judging them for them. This is really all there is to say on the matter.

That is a complicated question.  The answer is this:  Identity is only partially self-deterministic.  You can certainly struggle and hope and wish for certain things, indulge in certain behaviors, and see what rubs off on you, or what you feel right about, but in all honesty, you are who you are.    This CAN change over time, and that is something that most people don’t think about. To say you “change your mind” about “the person you wanna be” is not an accurate statement: you don’t necessarily choose anything at all, other than whether you want to actually embrace who you are and/or are becoming, and if you will actually tell anyone about it.  In that sense: whether it is too late to change your mind about who you say and outwardly project you are?---  no, it is not too late.  However, it can potentially be pretty fricking confusing to people, and some friends may not be able to handle it, especially if they have pretty deeply imbedded themselves in your own journey/identity, and/or anchored themselves in it as part of their own.   This can cause them to be pretty put off, and potentially to have difficulty maintaining their relationship with you. As such, in summary:   one should be careful and always very much self-reflective about identity issues.  The choice to come out with any sort of change or difference is not an easy one, and someone should not be blamed for either side they fall upon--- whether they want to keep who they are a secret and/or for how long, or if they want to project it to the world (unless they are really violent about it and/or attempt to shame someone/force themselves upon another person as a “necessary” thing to do for their own growth/impulses or whathaveyou: that is just abusive and wrong).

No. While there is some degree of social capital involved and thus you should attempt to time things properly and take the needs of others into account (which means you have no right to get upset at them if they don’t react a certain way and/or are too involved with whatever is going on in their life right then to grapple with your assuredly stunning revelation), one does not owe their friends any sort of bombshell moment, and any sort of desire for one and/or push on someone else’s part for identity-related drama and/or revelation is actually what is greedy.

***shrug***     I guess it’s funny insofar as it has psychological humor wrapped into it and it makes the phraseology more cutesy (thus more approachable, I guess), but it’s not mind-blowing or anything.

And that’s okay. Someone can be casual about these things and not make it a federal fricking issue if they don’t want to.  It’s also okay to have repeated revelations and/or constantly wrestle with who you actually are. It’s not something to be embarrassed about or paranoid with in a social respect, especially in a world with numerous different species of alien humanoids that have different and somewhat conflicting types of identities and drives.  Almost indisputably, that should make identity issues less of a socially big deal.

Yes. Just like you helped him before.   Oh wait, what was that? You had years to figure it out, but did nothing?    Ah, well. Couldn’t be helped, I guess.   Brothers do have their own separate matters to consider, after all.

***snickers***      Honestly, he’s probably right, but for different reasons than he’s expressing.    

***cough time travel, cough***       Note:  I actually don’t want to read that. It would feel like a really awkward sort of waste of narrative time.  I’m just annoyed at the very ironic lack of time manipulation he’s been doing. Though in this case it sortof does suit him, insofar as he is using time concerns that he obviously could get around as if they were a suit of armor and/or armaments for him to verbally exploit.  Very knight-y. Aaand this feels like about the right time to end this post.