#i think this is a turning point in the sense of... i don't think it was necessarily an epiphany at the time.
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I like wemblingfool's addition and I appreciate the "We learn and understand way more from “rocks” than paleontologists are given credit for." sentiment and this criticism: "If true paleoartists tried to reconstruct a hippo, while they naturally would not get every bit correct, it would certainly look like a real animal, and not that alien monster that tumblr is so fond of using as “proof” that paleontologists don’t know anything".
But I don't think that this devalues all of ironychan's analogies from the original post. Not every Jurassic "peacock" ends up like Sinosauropteryx. There are lots of prehistoric animals whose coloration and sounds we don't know. What did t-rex smell like? We can reconstruct Parasaurolophus sounds, but we don't know its exact specific calls. Wemblingfool even admits that some of this reconstruction work is so effective because it draws on lots of contemporary creatures, it analogizes. And yes, that gives us a beautiful window to look at the past, but it doesn't *solve* Spinosaurus for us, those fossils remain debated and controversial. Our fossil record will always remain incomplete, hiding Triassic "peacocks" and Jurassic "orangutans". I think that ironychan was a legitimate target of wemblingfool's criticism (especially if the sentence "My point here is that we don’t know anything about dinosaurs." is taken at face value as a literal statement that non-avian dinosaurs are unknowable)... but I don't think pointing out that paleontologists might struggle to reconstruct elephant ears is the same as sharing a shrink-wrapped hippo as supposedly subversive paleo-art. I am no expert in paleontology, I don't profess to know whether elephant ears are yet another example of a feature that would under guarantee be reconstructed by professionals, but I think that's missing the point. There simply are marvels of the prehistoric world that science has yet to uncover or that no longer can be uncovered.
To take an opposing stance to that is to argue for "rationalism" in the sense William James talks about and opposes. That rationalism would be a philosophical position where scientific research is said to establish facts not only as items of (highly professionalized, highly reliable, practical) knowledge but as quasi-dogmatical encounters with reality-in-itself, a reality that supercedes empirical observation, a reality that can no longer be scientifically called into question not because it would be highly impractical and thus silly and unreasonable to do so but because this "is reality" and somehow above critique.
And I don't think that's a good way to think about long extinct animals (or anything, really). As I said, it's great to see just how professionalized, how reliable, how effective, how talented, how dedicated and informed paleontologists are. How practical / useful the things they discover are (for them and for us). They don't play around, fantasizing dinosaurs, they do their jobs and tell us really clearly how dinosaurs work.
But if we describe open scientific questions or potentially mistaken scientific assumptions as if these were threats to the scientific community, as if no future paleontologist would ever overlook that elephants have ears, as if that necessarily would be discovered by paleontology, as though the excellent professional practice of paleontology provided an external guarantee of capital-T Truth, as if paleontologists couldn't be making some error for each and every fact they've ever asserted (not because all their facts are wrong, very few of their facts are likely to be wrong at all...but because reality is complex and even well-worn scientific truths can unexpectedly turn out to be based on mistakes that ended up in the research results in any of a myriad ways that feel really obvious to future researchers in hindsight).
There is no external guarantee for truth. Scientific research is always built on previous research. Findings are built on evidence found and observations made, on tools used and logical paths pursued. Science is the path to making practical assumptions...Occam's Razor is nothing if not an intensely practical exercise (I have 2 explanations, both explain the same amount of information but I choose the simpler one, because simpler explanations are easier to work with...i.e. more practical to work with. I only change my mind and adopt the more complex hypothesis if it reliably explains more about everything than the simpler model does).
And yeah... that's what I came to say and now I've said it. Time to crawl back into my little system of tunnels...
I submit to you that the most iconic feature of any animal is either unlikely or impossible to fossilize.
If all we had of wolves were their bones we would never guess that they howl.
If all we had of elephants were fossils with no living related species, we might infer some kind of proboscis but we’d never come up with those ears.
If all we had of chickens were bones, we wouldn’t know about their combs and wattles, or that roosters crow.
We wouldn’t know that lions have manes, or that zebras have stripes, or that peacocks have trains, that howler monkeys yell, that cats purr, that deer shed the velvet from their antlers, that caterpillars become butterflies, that spiders make webs, that chickadees say their name, that Canada geese are assholes, that orangutans are ginger, that dolphins echolocate, or that squid even existed.
My point here is that we don’t know anything about dinosaurs. If we saw one we would not recognize it. As my evidence I submit the above, along with the fact that it took us two centuries to realize they’d been all around us the whole time.
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The crew & using toys on their S/O in bed please with a cherry on top??
First time writing the whole crew kinda nervous 🤭🤭 I'm not writing Swansea tho I will NOT be writing nsfw of a married man
Tw/cw; Afab!reader, winners love winning in Anyas hcs (use of the term pillow princess), jorkinit jumpscare
Not proofread
Curly
I'm actually not sure if he'd be into toys
I've literally only written for Curly so I'd say I'm a Curly expert, and I just don't think he'd be into toys
He'd use a vibrator on you every now and then, but he'd just use it to tease you and make you beg for him.
He'd probably use cock rings. I am a firm believer Curly would use cock rings. Not all the time, but if he's had a really stressful day at work, he's wanting an extra hard hitting orgasm.
Omg not a toy but APHRODISIACS!!! This man would go crazy for some aphrodisiacs, whether he's taking it or you are.
Now I wanna write a wedding night one shot with Curly and aphrodisiacs thanks a lot anon 😔😔😔 I've got enough shit to write already
Anya
I don't care what any of you say this woman is a pillow princess
YOU'D be using toys on HER
She'd also be a cryer but that's not the point
She'd have a drawer dedicated to sex toys. She's trying to get into med school, she's CONSTANTLY stressed, how else is she supposed to release some of that stress? Don't judge her.
She wouldn't be into straps or dildos, she'd be into shit that vibrates. Vibrators obviously, rose toys, anything that stimulates the clit honestly
I lied she is into dildos this woman is a sucker for a RABBIT!!! Like I said, if it vibrates, she wants it.
Her favorite combo is the rose toy/vibrator + pussy licking. She cums so fast, then gets embarrassed, then begs for more. Praise her a bunch and she'll be able to go a few more rounds
BONUS CONTENT!!; she has a Christina and Princess Albertina, no further comments
Daisuke
Oh yeah, he's using toys.
He has a tongue piercing and sometimes he'll swap it out for a bar that vibrates but y'all aren't ready for that convo
He's gonna use the basic toys, nothing we haven't gone over yet. Vibrators, rose toys, cock rings, ect. He's just trying to figure out what he likes for right now, and he likes all of them
In missionary, he'd hold either a vibrator or rose up to your clit while he fucks you. Kind of uncomfortable as a position, but if it gets you off, it's worth it to him.
Not sure if this is considered a toy but he'd be interested in sounding. He's definitely had you try it on him once or twice, and he never lasts for more than a minute 😭 poor boy
He's just trying new things out. He's new to having a committed relationship, so anything you'd be into, he'd be willing to try. He'd let you peg him if you wanted, but don't ask me to write that.
My pegging days are over
Jonathan
The kinkiest cunt that ever cursed this god forsaken ship
Toys are a must have for him. On you, not him. He only likes using them on you, because it gives him a sense of power over you.
He'd be one of those assholes that would put a bluetooth vibrator in your panties and wait till you're in public to turn it on the highest setting. Like an asshole
Jizzdaddy would have a lot of toys. He'd have one of those robotic dildo setups that like.. idk does the thrusting how the fuck do I explain this????
You guys get what I mean if you've ever been on a porn site you've seen one
Anyway, he'd have one of those setups and watch it fuck you. Ass up, head down, grasping at whatever you could since HIS sadistic ass turned it up to the highest speed.
Eventually hed get pissed off and fuck you himself, claiming that you love the toy more than you love him 😔 the allegations are true but he doesn't have to know that
He'd also use plugs on you. In public, too. He doesn't care. If you humiliate yourself, that's your fault, not his.
vibrators are used during sex, nothing new. But it's the same situation as before. Claiming you love the toy more than him, so he stops using it.
Sometimes he'll just give in though and decide he doesn't care, and wants to tease you more than anything. Highest speed it can go, or the slowest. No in-between. He'll have you begging one way or another.
Chat I hate writing rough characters someone request ooc soft Joshua hcs so I can write him like I do Curly 🙏🙏🙏
A/N; Anya makes me wanna kiss girls
#mouthwashing smut#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing x reader#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy x reader#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke x reader#anya mouthwashing#anya x reader#why are there so many ship tags this is genuinely disturbing#curly x reader#captain curly x reader
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let them see
pairing: Dave York x f!reader
wordcount: ~1.5k
summary: he gets you off in front of the other guys
warnings: explicit, smut, no use of y/n, reader is ablebodied, d/s dynamics (duh), voyeurism, exhibitionism, very affectionate degradation (it's Dave, of course he calls you a slut), female masturbation, male masturbation, unprotected p in v, very affectionate possessive talk, creampie, petnames (baby), choking, dm me if I missed any
a/n: @luxurychristmaspudding posted this poll and my brain short circuited at 2am. Do I get my extra points now for the explanation for why it has to be Dave, Em? This is an unbeta'd horny mess, and I'm not even sorry ✨
He teases you and taunts you, touches you almost everywhere where you need him, baring you in front of the other.
"You enjoy this, don't you. So fucking wet already," he whispers loud enough for everyone to hear. "Haven't even touched you properly. Such a needy slut."
You writhe and plead, murmur please, please, please, touch me, finger me, fuck me. And he shakes his head, tsks at you and grips you chin, tilting your head back until you have to arch your back. All pretty for him, just by the touch of two fingers on your face.
"I don't think I will. But you... you do it. Behave like the good little slut that you are and make yourself come. Look at them while you do it," he croons, taking one of your hands and guiding it down between your spread legs. "Give them a show."
Your mind feels fuzzy, the need coursing in your veins almost cancels out the embarrassment of touching yourself in front of someone else than Dave.
And somewhere, in the back of head, a little voice tells you, that you actually like this. That you like being watched and that you like being the reason for the other to rub themselves, palming their hard dicks over their pants.
You enjoy this, don't you. Dave's voice echoes in your mind and you nod your head, even though no one has said a word. You're too far gone. "I like it," you mutter and you feel yourself clamp down on your fingers, "Please, oh god."
It's adorable, the way you talk to yourself, Dave thinks, watching you with a strange sense of pride. "It's alright, baby, you can do it," he coos at you from behind, slowly pumping himself, just like the others.
But he's not like the others. He's the lucky guy, he's the one who gets to fuck you. And when he sees you trembling, sees your movements become more frantic, he knows it's going to be his turn soon.
You come and your own whimpers are drowned out by the groans of your audience. It's an intense orgasm, for fingerfucking yourself, but of course it is, seeing the other stroking and pumping themself. Just because of you. Their eyes are glued to you, they watch every of your moves, how you pull your fingers out of your weeping cunt. You hear them, the curses, the grunts, the unmistakable quiet squelches.
Dave's arm slings around you immediately, he pulls you close, closer, into his lap just when you're still twitching from your orgasm. But he's relentless. Pushing into you, hissing because your cunt is still squeezing and clenching and gripping him tightly.
He kisses your back, nips your skin, makes sure to keep you spread open with his legs pushing yours apart. His thrusts are shallow, he's giving you a moment to recover but he also wants you to writhe again and plead the he fucks you please, please, deeper, god, please.
He's considering it, but not now. There are more important things to do.
"Tell them, baby. Tell them who you belong to," he growls.
"You. I belong to you."
"That's right. Smart girl.” Another shallow thrust and he holds you down, holds you still, halfway on his cock. “Who owns you?"
"You do," you whine and squirm, it's too much and you need more of it.
"Uh huh," he groans and rewards you with a single deep thrust. "And who's pussy is this, tell them."
"It's yours. Please," you mewl and turn to look at him over your shoulder.
“Please?” He taunts, mocks, but he also smiles. “You’re being so good. Like being fucked in front of the others, hm?” He knew it when he first saw you, it was clear as day, you had this desperation to be seen. And to be watched. Used.
“Yes…” You nod your head, still looking at him, his smile spreading warmth inside of you, coating your insides with heat.
“Don't tell me, tell them, baby.” He kisses your shoulder blade, his nose nudging your chin and he continues with the shallow, languid thrusts.
For a moment you look like a shy kid who's told to talk to an intimidating adult. But he got you, Dave's hand splayed over your stomach, the other one between your legs, it gives you a feeling of security.
You turn towards the others again, stunned for a moment to see some of them already unraveling, squeezing their dicks in their large hands or pulling on their balls. They like it, too, that you let yourself being fucked in front of them.
“I…,” you stutter but then feel a tender bite between your shoulders. He got your back. You swallow thickly past the lump of shame and lust in your throat. “I like it. That you're watching me.”
Another tender bite, another deep stroke, his fingers circling over your sensitive clit. You're doing good. Keep going. Tell them.
“I like seeing you jerking off to me being fucked.”
Some of the men have a beard and you imagine how nice the burn must feel on your thighs. How pretty the men would look, all shiny and coated in your slick. Your pussy clenches, and Dave hisses again.
God, you're really turned on by this, he thinks and buries himself deep inside of you to feel every inch of your tight heat. He has to do that again, soon, invite some friends and have you in front of them. You like it. Such a good slut for me.
It's ridiculous how wet you are, there's a satisfying squelch every time Dave fills you completely. Your tits bounce while he fucks up into you, his own movement growing more hurried, just like the movements of the other men.
You grab his hand on your stomach and pull it up, groping one tit with his hand, squeezing it until you wince, then drag his hand higher, to your throat, squeezing again, whimpering another please, please, please.
“Filthy slut,” he sneers, proudly. “Tell them what you want. Tell them and I'll fill you up.”
He wraps his fingers around your throat, tightly, holding you in place so he can use you like he pleases.
“Choke me. Please. They need to see…-”
He squeezes, just the right amount of pressure, tried-and-true, and your breathing becomes shallow while his thrusts become deeper, harder. Dave sees them, the others, some of them already came, some of them close, just like himself.
But he's the lucky one. He gets to have you, to fuck you, toy with you, make you come on his cock while the others only get to watch.
“Fuck, baby, I'll ruin you. I'll wreck your little slut pussy. Fill you up, you'll drip for days when I'm done with you. You want that?”
You nod your head, rasp a yes please, ruin me.
He's so close, so close to pumping you full, you want it so bad, to feel full and then to feel his hot cum trickle out of you.
Cum. The air slowly fills with the scents of sex and cum. So much cum. You watch them, how they lose it over your hole being filled, how they spurt all over their hands. You lose yourself, holding on to your breasts, pinching your nipples, pulling, twisting, moaning, clenching.
“Fill me up. Wreck me,” you manage to say with Dave choking you just right, if he comes, you'll come. He needs to come for you. “Let them see who owns me. Let them know. Show them.”
It's too much at this point, he can't hold back and he doesn't care about it either. He'll show them alright. You're his, his alone. His hips snap against you, squelching and smacking in the air, your moans, his, the grunts of the others. Another thrust, hard, shaking your whole body and your cunt tightens. A perfect fuckhole for him.
With a strangled growl against your shoulder he slams into you, the final thrust, throbbing inside of you while you milk him perfectly with another orgasm of your own. You whine and spasm, and then you feel it, Dave's cum already leaking out of you. There’s too much of it to make it fit inside of you. You reach down, smear it all over you and him, over his balls because he hates that but he also loves how you always clean your mess up afterwards.
You might just do it later, on your knees and on display for the other, licking Dave clean until he's hard again. You'd let them watch, let them see everything.
His hand loosens and falls away from your throat, it makes purchase of your breasts instead. A kiss on your neck makes you turn your face towards Dave again. A wicked gleam in his dark eyes, a soft smile, hidden and only for you to see.
“Such a good little slut for me, baby,” he croons and kisses your cheek. “Now get down and clean up.”
@guiltyasdave wrote what happens after this, go treat yourself and don't forget to charge your toys! read let them feel, now!
more filthy Dave in your life? check out tainted heart (read the warning please!)
find Dave's masterlist here
find my general masterlist here
dividers: as always @saradika-graphics 💕
#dave york#dave york x reader#dave york x female reader#dave york x you#dave york x f!reader#dave york smut#ppcu fanfiction#ppcu#the equalizer 2#my writing
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Still laughing about how they didn't want to "invalidate" anyone's worldstate. But that is exactly what they did.
Morrigan is the most obvious, I really cannot believe that a Morrigan who was a mother would have so willingly taken into her something like Mythal if she was a mother - of at this point - a 10 year old Kieran. Maybe she would, but it would be for different reasons.
Isabela is the most annoying to me. She's talking about how "Kirkwall taught her about family." as if she couldn't have been given up by Hawke to the Arishok. As if she couldn't have ran away from Kirkwall and never looked back. If I had met an Isabela from a world state like that, she would never have said that.
Harding talking about the Inquisition also feels like it misses some... extra flavour here and there based on actual choices. Like my Inquisitor didn't do well with Blackwall, and he didn't survive to see the end of the game. But Lace speaks about him fondly and in such a way that I don't think she should if the Inquisitor never 'redeemed' him.
Zevran is never mentioned by name, but what if a warden outright killed the assassin hunting them. Or he turned on them in Denerim and died later? Then explain to me that entire banter Lucanis has with Harding about why House Arainai messed up so bad they went trough several Talons about it. And now the Crows don't take contracts in Ferelden anymore.
At that point the reason that was given to us for the lack of worldbuild choices to prevent 'invalidating everyone's worldstate' feels null and void. Because you have. You have invalidated many worldstates already by bringing back these character or have people talk around them in such a way that doesn't make sense.
#dragon age#bioware critical#veilguard critical#datv#datv spoilers#sorry i got the isabela line again today and it made my anger resurface#its my main complaint mostly because of how the devs tried to placate us and how it ended up turning out#and it felt like they fucking lied to our faces about it because of it.#i can generally even deal with it because it's not even /that/ much.#and i like the game so much outside of this so i can bite my tongue for the most part#i just needed to get some of the anger out ig.#might delete this post later we'll see. i just wanted to vent for a bit.
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<<I would also not accept Crowley hate. I just never see it.>>
Same. Yeah, it doesn't exist. A lot of people's internalized issues at work, if you ask me, as to why there's only hate for Aziraphale when there shouldn't be hate for either of them.
<<I think for that to work, you have to take Crowley as the protagonist of the story and Aziraphale as an -- um, adjunct? romantic interest? Rather than seeing them as 2 equal players in the story.>>
If you want to get really technical about it? From a writing standpoint, Aziraphale is the main character because it's his story arc we're following the most throughout the story. He is the character who will under go the most change from chronological start-to-finish in the story. He and Crowley are two halves of a whole, though, so it's a little tricky and they're closer to being co-main-characters than you might get in other stories. Inside the story, though, the characters are definitely equal partners, and I agree that it's irritating to not always see that reflected in attitudes towards the characters.
The funny thing is, though, that people who think Crowley is the sole main character are showing that they don't really know what one is and are just focused on Crowley. For reasons. I wouldn't presume to know why, exactly, but I suspect that they are likely of 'want to fuck him even though he's fictional and subconsciously hate the main character who gets to' variety. Also shows how little they know the character as Crowley would not. care. for it. if he were to learn that they were disparaging his angel.
<<the Edinburgh minisode, that make it look like Aziraphale is still toeing the Heaven line and he is the only one who still (in 1827!) has learned nothing>>
Yeah, that attitude in people is showing that they're not really putting together the minisode, imho. Aziraphale struggling with conflicts of what he's supposed to be according to Heaven versus who he really is are not the same thing as Aziraphale being on the side of Heaven. He's never been on the side of Heaven. He gave away his sword in Eden. He lied and miracled to save Job's kids. He's been badass since the start.
I think it's also a feature of some people not seeing that Aziraphale is kind of dryly bitching about his job to Crowley in 1827 more than he is actually disagreeing with Crowley and Elspeth. He lives on Earth. He knows how lunacy Heaven's ideas about things are. He's complaining to Crowley about what he's up against and getting some reassurance in Crowley's wtf that's crazy! response that he's not alone in thinking so. The moment that he learns that Dalrymple isn't just a ghoul but someone who wants the bodies for greater good reasons, Aziraphale is happy to throw over whatever Heaven nonsense he's supposed to at least pretend to believe to help. He'll always do what he can to help. It's just all very tiresome that people think Crowley is perfect. He's not always right. There also isn't always a "right" at all.
<<such as the way the f15 was shown (many people do not sense any real threat from the Metatron, don't get the "able to see/hear what's happening in the shop", don't see anything weird about Crowley letting Aziraphale go off with the Metatron, etc.>>
Yeah, this... 😂 My favorite wtf interaction that I've had here on the Tumblr Dot Com is the person who told me that Aziraphale and Crowley weren't worried about being spied on in The Final 15 and when I pointed out things like... Aziraphale, looking out the window at Our Villain, doing the downward hands of "not right now" at Crowley, and trying to get him to stop talking? I was told-- kid you not-- that he just turned his head.
The closet is a theme of the season and there's an entire foreshadowing plot with the Nazi Zombie Flesheaters about Crowley and Aziraphale being spied on through the window and people who cannot make simple connections enough to understand what's happening, so... how's that for irony? There's a whole plot about people being unable to make connections... about which this person couldn't make a connection.
I agree to some extent that it's designed to appear a certain way, with particular emphasis on Crowley acting out of character, but it's not so cloak-and-dagger that we can't see that something is amiss. The number of people who don't seem to see Crowley as acting out of character by letting Aziraphale go alone with The Being Claiming To Be The Metatron amazes me. It should be the primary question to come out of that scene. This is what we were saying above, though-- they are too focused on precious demon got his feelings hurt to notice that there is something really, really wrong with precious demon. He just sat there and let Aziraphale go alone with someone who had tried to kill him and he'd never do that of his own free will and that's somehow not the biggest point of discussion?
But this is also the same problem as most people just believing without question that it's The Metatron at the door. Sure, it might be, but they definitely gave us a laundry list of clues that suggest we should at least be questioning it. Five angels cannot recognize him and he has to get a demon to identify him but that's not Satan? Really? After a whole season of "who are you" in every other scene? And all the minisodes being about Hell? Even if it's not, the point is that it's all very weird and many people are just taking what's happening as if nothing is weird, which I find to be... well, weird.
So many people think that The Metatron was legitimately offering Aziraphale a job and everything was on the up-and-up and... why would he ever do that? He'd never offer Crowley to be restored as an angel, either. That'd collapse Heaven and Hell in a day as every demon then would demand their own status as demons reviewed. They think this is The Metatron and they still believe him, even though he just tried to murder Gabriel? I was so surprised to see the number of people who don't think Aziraphale is in any danger here and think he just got promoted when the whole season seems like it's building towards something quite different but we'll see what happens in The Finale.
The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight.
Eric, Terry Prachett
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DG x Reader: Bodyguard
G/N. Cracky. You, the bodyguard. DG, the 'helpless' idol. Masterlists
When the rest of DG's senior team insisted he get a bodyguard, he thought it was a joke.
What sort of idiot would attack James Lee.
Then he remembered he's not James Lee, at least not to the general public. He's Diego Kang, CEO of PTJ Entertainment, an idol with amazing moves and an ass that won't quit but no fighting experience.
Right. Right.
He supposes that makes sense. It would've been suspicious to say no, especially with his legions of stans and stalker, and his prior history.
.
.
You're not exactly who he would have picked.
Bodyguards are usually monstrous, huge, intimidating men. You're not really any of the above.
In fact, you're kinda cute. And apparently your resume is also impressive enough too.
"Perfect candidate."
"Extensive training."
"Unmatched awareness."
-were chirped into his ear before he gave you his nod of approval.
Besides, DG thinks it might work to his advantage to employ someone so unassuming.
.
.
"No upskirt pictures!" You yell at the paparazzi, parting them to make way for the pink-haired idol, and pointing accusingly.
DG, in a moment of complete confusion, peers down to his own legs in case he really did wear a skirt.
No. He's in his pants, of course he is. His clothing is supplied as part of his sponsorship deal. Why would he be wearing a skirt?
"What was that?" He asks, when you're piled into his minivan. Brows knitted together instead of his usual cold, impassive expression.
You give him a shrug, "Just in case."
"In case of?"
"Just in case," you repeat, tapping your nose and nodding knowingly at him.
.
.
Now, he remembers.
During one of his many many boring meetings, when you were officially under his employment and before you started, he had been warned you might be like this.
.
.
“No pictures today!” you holler and the paparazzi groan.
Someone brave enough shouts back why.
“DG lost all five MAMA noms and he’s in a terrible mood. He might ask me to kill you if you take any pictures,” you say back solemnly and without humour.
DG feels bitter but not that bitter. Upon hearing your words, he stifles a laugh into his sleeve and disguises it as a cough.
.
.
To sum it up, you're an oddball.
Still, DG tolerates you because of your flashes of brilliance and your brutal honesty.
"Here, sir." You offer up a steaming hot drink and DG raises an eyebrow. "Honey and lemon. For your throat."
When DG doesn't take it, you finally explain. "Your singing sounded awful, sir. Thought you might need it."
Ah.
He did think he sounded off but the yes-men at the studio told him otherwise. He should have trusted his own instincts and makes a mental note to replace them.
DG chuckles to himself before taking the first sip.
.
.
"No touching please," you jump in just as a fan is starting to get handsy.
"Excuse me?!"
You turn away from them, letting their indignant outrage slide off you and usher DG on to the next group to interact with.
DG gives you a nod of thanks and you give him a subtle wink back.
.
.
"You best not be zooming in on his tits," you snarl at another paparazzi. "No under boob, side boobs, any boobs!"
DG glances down at his chest. Fully concealed in a mock neck jumper. There's no bare skin on show at all.
"Can you explain?" He asks, once you climb in the minivan after him and slide the door close.
"You know." You say, handing over another honey and lemon drink.
"I don't, actually."
"You know," you repeat, eyes signalling towards his chest area and hand gesticulating at your own. "And, y'know."
You nod at his hot drink and pull a face, indicating that he was pitchy as hell in the last rehearsal.
DG shakes his head at your antics but takes a sip regardless.
.
.
"For you, sir." You hold out a brand new baseball cap with both hands and head bowed respectfully.
"I don't want this."
"Yes but you need it."
"..."
"For your bad hair day."
"What?"
"Trust me, sir."
DG narrows his eyes at you. You're rude as hell, no tact at all. He’s not sure if you even have a filter, or you just say whatever thought pops into your mind.
However.
Somewhere along the way, he finds that you're the only person that tells him the truth.
He takes the cap and thrusts it on his head.
"Much better!" You pipe up with an oblivious grin, adding insult to injury.
.
.
"What are you doing?" DG pulls a face as you wrap your arm around his waist and hurry him on.
"There's someone tailing you," you murmur, "I've been watching them for the last five minutes."
There is? How on earth did this person get past his radar?
As if answering his thoughts, you tell him, "They look like a normal ajumma. No-one would have suspected her if I wasn't watching."
You pick up the pace and DG matches you stride for stride.
"Your manager is waiting just up ahead with the car. I'll take care of them." You give DG a salute and a toothy smile as he looks at you in alarm.
In all honesty, you look a bit helpless. Yes, your resume looks great and yes, your recommendations are glowing but DG hasn't actually seen you in action yet. He can't help the way his stomach lurches thinking about you in danger.
And what if this isn’t an untrained, rabid stan, but someone who knows about his other life and is after James Lee?
"I'll be fine, sir!" You turn quickly and sprint off in the opposite direction at breakneck speed.
.
.
A couple hours later, after DG has paced endlessly back and forth, you show up at his office.
Your hair is a little out of place, and your regulation suit is a little dusty but you're otherwise untouched.
"Are you ok?" his eyes snap to yours.
"Of course, sir!" Your beam is as bright as ever.
DG exhales deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose, relief overwhelming him and he desperately wills his pulse to return to normal.
"Call me James," he sighs when he realises it's not working and his heart seems to beat quicker and louder now you're in sight.
You don't ask any questions like why James, why not Diego. You accept it at face value, no doubt having some secrets of your own.
Your smile is unfaltering as you respond, "Sure thing, James, sir!"
#lookism#lookism x reader#lookism fics#lookism manhwa#lookism webtoon#diego kang#lookism james lee#dg x reader#diego kang x reader#james lee x reader#lookism dg#wannaeatramyeon
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Hello!! I was reading some of your Yandere Dick and Starfire and I was wondering if you could do something where mc was a brainwashed black widow assassin from Marvel? Essentially black widows are little girls who were human trafficked and brutally trained to be assassins by a man named Dracov? Like they know what they’re doing and are fully conscious but don’t have a choice because of the brainwashing?
Extra points if Yandere Dick and Starfire never knew about the training and abuse until it was revealed
Yandere Nightwing x reader x yandere Starfire
The Tower was quiet, save for the faint hum of the training room’s lights. Nightwing and Starfire had just finished a light sparring session when they found you. At first, you had been distant, stiff, and cold, never truly letting them in. There was something about the way you moved, the way your eyes flickered over everything in the room as if scanning for threats, that unsettled them. Yet, they pushed it aside, chalking it up to your mysterious past.
They didn’t know about the black-and-red tattoos on your inner wrist, symbols etched into your skin like a constant reminder of your past life as a trained weapon. They didn’t know that every time they held you, their touch made you flinch, a deep-rooted fear ingrained in your muscle memory from years of abuse. They didn’t know that, deep down, you never truly felt free, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself.
It wasn’t until one evening when you tried to slip away in the middle of the night that everything unraveled. Your attempt was subtle, a trained movement learned over years of escape. But Nightwing had been watching you, his gaze trained on your every move since he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He followed you, and Starfire had done the same when she realized something was off.
The sound of your soft gasps echoed in the hall as you tried to push through the door. "Where do you think you're going?" Dick's voice was barely a whisper, but it was enough to stop you in your tracks. Your breath caught in your throat, body going rigid as the instinct to flee screamed through you.
"I... I don't want to hurt anyone," you whispered, voice hoarse, raw with emotion you couldn't fully express. You weren’t sure if you were even allowed to feel this way, but it didn’t stop the panic from surging. "I can’t—"
Starfire appeared behind him, her green eyes wide with concern. "What is it you do not want to do, dear one? You are not alone here. You are safe."
You froze. Your heart was pounding in your chest as old programming kicked in. A mission. A target. Your fingers twitched, aching to grab your weapons that you didn’t carry anymore, but the fear of failure paralyzed you. "I’m not safe," you whispered, the words slipping out before you could stop them. "I was never safe."
It was then that they saw it—the crack in the armor that had kept you distant from them. The fear, the betrayal, the vulnerability hidden so carefully under layers of emotional control. Dick's breath hitched as he moved closer, his eyes searching yours with an intensity that made you want to turn away.
"Who hurt you?" Dick asked softly, voice trembling with barely contained fury. His hands hovered near you but didn't touch—he had learned that much. You flinched, and it didn’t go unnoticed by either of them.
The truth came out in pieces, in fragmented thoughts that didn’t quite make sense. You told them about Dracov. About how you and the other girls like you were torn from your families, forced into training to become tools of violence. You spoke of the endless nights of abuse, of never being allowed to have a real childhood. The truth was so ugly, so horrifying, that neither Dick nor Starfire could comprehend it all at once.
Starfire knelt before you, her eyes full of empathy and something darker—something protective. "We will help you," she said gently, her voice unwavering as she reached for your hand, "no one will hurt you again."
Dick’s eyes, though, were darker with rage, but not at you. "We’ll make sure you’re never alone again," he promised, his voice low, dangerous, and full of a possessive warmth you had never known. "Not anymore."
But as they moved to comfort you, as their hands brushed yours, something shifted in you. You didn’t want to be touched. You didn’t want to be loved. It wasn’t that you didn’t crave it, but you had been taught to push it away, to keep people at a distance. The only choice you had ever known was to obey, to fight, to survive. To let yourself fall into their arms would mean relinquishing control, something you weren’t sure you could ever do.
Starfire and Dick noticed the hesitation, the way you held back, even when they spoke softly of a future where you could be free. They had never known the extent of your brainwashing, and now that they did, it only fed the fire of their obsession.
They were going to "help" you, but their version of help would never be what you needed.
As Nightwing pulled you into his arms, the same instinct that had saved you so many times before kicked in. You didn’t fight it, not fully, but the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. You were trapped—your body, your mind, your heart—all of it had already been claimed, and now they were here, claiming you, too.
You didn’t know how to stop it. You didn’t know how to say no when you were all too aware of the unspoken promise in their eyes: they would never let you go.
(A/n: I have no idea of who character u r talking about yet😔 so correct me if I'm wrong because I just researched black widow for like a glance hehe)
#yandere dc#yandere batboys#yandere dick grayson x reader#yandere dick grayson#yandere nightwing#yandere Nightwing x reader#nightwing x reader#dick grayson x reader#yandere dc x reader#dc x reader#yandere starfire x reader#yandere Starfire#Starfire x reader#yandere batfamily x reader#teen titans x reader#yandere teen titans#😺– request
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Hello I have a request! Could you write a scenario where either Kakucho or Draken (you can write for both or do one or the other I don't mind) have a crush on reader(they're friends though but they haven't confessed) however there's someone else who also likes reader and asks them to help them get together with reader🥸How would they react? And what would they do? I hope that makes sense 😅
Thank you 😊
Jealous | k. draken & kakucho (separately)
₊˚⊹♡ tags; fem!reader, both of these are in a good timeline where everyone look gets along, mention of reader looking up at draken, everyone lowk making fun of sanzu in drakens lol, ran being canonically blind but refusing to wear glasses is so funny to me LMFAOO, kakucho being a liar boy
₊˚⊹♡ wc; 830 (draken) 331 (kakucho)
₊˚⊹♡ a/n; ahh im so happy I finally found time to write this, I literally couldn't stop thinking about it when I first saw it lol
k. draken
Draken was intensely watching the TV from the couch while Mikey and Mitsuya were competing in mortal combat on the TV. Most of the guys were over at Mikey's house right now taking turns playing the new game.
"I'm going to kick your ass Mitsuya..." Mikey warned after receiving a combo almost ending his character's life "You said that the last two rounds, maybe you should focus on fighting!" Mitsuya laughed��nudging Mikey with his elbow trying to distract him.
"You seriously suck at this Mikey!" Smiley laughs angering the blonde even more "Next round, you and me asshole!" Mikey yells pointing at Smiley after Mitsuya's character brutally rips Mikey's apart. "Ok let's go, this is gonna be a piece of cake" he smiles while switching places with mitsuya to sit on the floor.
While the two of them argued about who they wanted to play Draken heard the front door open "I'm home! And I brought y/n so don't be weird!" Draken perked up once he heard Emma mention your name, you two had become friends earlier this year at school and Emma's been bringing you around a lot more.
"Ok, so no one cares that I'm home?" Emma asks walking into the living room while y/n is behind her "No, not really" Mikey answers locking his character in "Oh screw you Mikey, I hope you lose!" she yells throwing a couch pillow at the back of his head.
"Hi y/n! How are you?" Draken can't help the way his face contorts in disgust at Sanzu's tone of voice "Hi Haru, I'm fine. Are you playing too?" Haru? Draken didn't know that the two of you were so close "Yeah, I played against Baji earlier and won" he bragged causing Baji to yell at him.
"Are you not going to say hi to me Draken?" you question softly kicking his leg, he can feel the back of his neck getwarm. "Hey" He knows he probably seems like an asshole he just gets so nervous every time he talks to you. But when he sees you smile at him he knows you don't mind his cold demeanor.
"Come on y/n, let's go!" Emma grumbles grabbing your hand and leading you toward her room "Bye y/n!" Sanzu calls out waving to you "Bye Haru! Bye Draken!" you smile waving at the two of them. Draken gives Sanzu a certain look when he hears Baji speak up.
"You're so embarrassing man..." he sighs and Draken looks at Baji who's nodding towards Sanzu "Huh? What do you mean?" Sanzu questions offended "When are you going to tell her you like her? I'm sure she knows but it's best to get rejected now" Smiley laughs starting up his round with Mikey.
"What are you guys talking about? I don't like y/n..." Draken turns to give Sanzu giving him an unimpressed look while everyone else turns to look at him including Smiley who paused the game to do so, much to Mikey's dismay. "NO!" he screamed out at the paused screen displaying how he was about to hit a combo on Smiley's character.
"Do you think we're dumb?" Mitsuya genuinely questions fully turning to face Sanzu "Hi y/n! I love you y/n! Can I lick your shoes y/n!" smiley mocks Sanzu causing the guys to all laugh except Sanzu who starts protesting in embarrassment "I don't sound like that, and be quiet what if she hears you!" he hisses looking in the direction of Emma's room where the two of you were.
"Her room is on the other side of the house, they can't hear anything" Mikey explains while fidgeting with the controller in his hands "Whatever man just ask her out already she might say yes, who knows" Smiley shrugs turning back to the tvand unpausing the game.
"Can you help me ask her out?" Draken can't even hide the way his face contorts in disgust before facing Sanzu "What?" he asks even though he heard him the first time "Can you help me ask y/n out?" Sanzu asks again a bit more harshly this time "No, do it yourself" Draken snaps feeling a bit annoyed about Sanzu's presence now.
He feels Sanzu slump into the couch next to him when he gets up saying he needs a drink when the others ask him where he's going "Get me a soda!" Mikey calls out before losing to Smiley, again. When Draken walks into the kitchen he sees you sitting there almost like you were waiting for him.
"Hey..." he mutters walking to the fridge "I heard you guys," you say without much emotion "Oh" Draken just continues to stare at the inside of the fridge not really caring about a drink anymore "I don't really like Haru like that you know..." you sigh leaning against the counter next to the fridge.
Draken can feel a weight lift off of his shoulders "Oh really?" he questions standing up a bit straighter while closing the fridge, without grabbing a drink. "Yeah I kinda like someone else...someone a bit taller." you smile looking up at him. "That's nice to know" he smiles giving you his full attention now.
kakucho
Kakucho really liked ran haitani, but right now he really wanted to punch his teeth in. "I'm real sorry about that sweetheart, are you alright?" Kakucho watched ran held your arm softly with a clenched jaw as he approached the two of you "Yeah I'm fine, don't worry about it" you smiled up at him.
"Hey, what happened?" Kakucho questioned walking up behind you softly pulling you out of rans hold. "Oh nothing, we just bumped into each other" you explain with a soft laugh while ran moved a bit closer to Kakucho squinting at him.
"You should wear your glasses, then you'd see where you're going" Kakucho muttered pushing Ran's face away roughly "Come on my eyesight ain't that bad" he laughed standing straight realizing it was Kakucho who joined the conversation.
"It actually really is, you need glasses" Kakucho sighs wondering how Ran's gotten this far in life being so blind "Oh yeah you should probably get glasses if it's that bad! But I have to go, I'll see you later kakucho?" you question looking at him with hopeful eyes.
"Yeah, I'll come pick you up" he smiles nudging you with his elbow "Ok great, I'll see you later, bye guys!" you call out, running towards your class "You gotta set me up with her Kakucho" ran immediately says once you're out of earshot, nudging him with his elbow.
"Yeah, not happening man," Kakucho says walking away from the taller boy "What? Why not? C'mon, help me out man" Ran sighed throwing an arm over the younger boy's shoulder "I'm not gonna help you ask out my girlfriend."
Kakucho is forced to stop when ran stops walking looking at him slightly shocked "Oh man I'm sorry, I didn't know you two were dating…that's my bad" Kakucho refused to look at ran knowing he was lying straight to his face. Ran didn't need to know that right now though, "It's fine, but yeah I'm not setting you up with her."
#ninupi#writing#navigation#fem reader#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#draken tokyo revengers#draken x reader#tokrev draken#tokyo rev x reader#tokyo rev x you#tokyo revengers draken#kakucho#tokyo rev#tokrev#kakucho x reader#kakucho tokyo revengers#kakucho hitto#sanzu haruchiyo#ran haitani
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for the inevitable day I can be proven wrong, I just want to say just how many times I think Kab and Mane are secretly working together and I get really convinced it all makes sense and if she is as good of an actor as she insists then this is just not a crazy take at all.
But then I remember what she says on her streams and I remember I have zero belief that that could be true in the slightest.
But then something like Hannah conveniently being logged out right above the claymore and becoming the perfect scapegoat for how mane found it, or the signs that mane could have found it himself covers up the concept of a mole on the team. How much it reminds me of what spoke was like in the s3 finale. How much it's in the little moments that expose a liar regardless of what they say.
How zam literally gave her the example of working with mapicc to kill pangi and how that showed how dedicated he was to him getting the mapicc kill. How convenient it is for her if the claymore fails so she can be the one to kill mane. How easy it would be dm mane that. and mane can take care of covering for her by saying he found it. how i definitely believe he would be intrigued and pleased with the possibility of a story like that.
how much mane targets her and how easy of a justification that is for her to infiltrate the opposition. How incredibly offended she gets when anyone implies this isn't her kill, while she stays to the side making other's plans come to light.
How much she insists on knowing all of zam's plans. always asking questions.
how much she insists that she cares about zam but has also said multiple times she wants to do a crazy arc on zam. the two can be true because they do care about each other outside of the server.
how she picked mane's iron farm for the conversation with bacon way back when. How she flew off to mane's lag machine area when talking to woogie. How coincidental that of all the places it was two manepear locations in the same week. How much i believe that that is the kind of audacity that kab would love to write into a story.
I just can't shake the Jumper paranoia since s5. How convincing jumper was for being a part of the team. How there were clear points of her being a traitor that got so completely brushed under the rug with easy excuses from her. How easily Spoke s3 got in on zam's team without trying because zam was willing to trust him instantaneously because they once shared views. Zam did all the heavy lifting for making Spoke not look sus, spoke just had to go along for the ride and make tiny silly mistakes that implicated every other member of the server while systematically leading to clown finding the bases himself.
But then i remember Kab is simply always happy when something benefits her, and so not being upset in the slightest over mapicc's claymore not working is so much easier explained as her just being happy her plan can work. Rather than already knowing it was never going to work.
And then I remember how afraid she gets about doing a plan and how much she overthinks before doing it. How much it feels like she's a bad actor when she turns on the acting, so it feels like she's just not good at acting. But what if she isn't.
The possibility is so low and yet the examples are there.
Because she's either the worst manipulator in the world and cannot read people and has only succeeded due to the shortness of other servers, or she holds out for the long con and can handle lying over a very long period of time and covering it by talking about her random other plans as cover for the long term, and she's lying to chat as well in every moment she is streaming. Which is a mind fuck I was not prepared for.
Because you don't need to actually characterize people well in order to manipulate them. You just need to understand yourself. And you just need to craft a narrative that makes enough sense for others to fill in the gaps.
but that's just a conspiracy. one that blossoms in every zam stream and dies in every kab stream. Hopefully I'm wrong but either way we'll know at the end of the season.
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Yugo's Audience with Armand: Moving Past Previous Mistakes
If you think about it, after his sacrifice and his reconciliation with Amalia, his audience with Yugo is the scene that best highlights Armand's character development throughout the season, dare I say, the show. With it, we finally come full circle.
We were first introduced to Armand as he refused to let Joris anywhere near his father, even at the behest of the King of Bonta.
Up until that point, all we knew about him was from Amalia and Eva's retellings, where he was painted as often arguing with his sister, being an extremely difficult person to deal with, and having bad breath. And then we finally meet him and...
Everything they said about him turned out to be nothing but the truth.
But we don't really see the full extent of it until Amalia and Evangelyne pleaded their case regarding Nox to him, when he stubbornly refused to believe his sister, instead assuming her imagination had just gone wild. He didn't even rethink his assessment even when Eva backed Amalia up, which would have still been harsh of him to do—to believe his sister's bodyguard over her just because he has a crush on her—, but it still would have made sense, as Eva is very level-headed and she never would have even entertained the thought of allowing Amalia to joke over something so serious.
That already established Armand as an arrogant and self-righteous prince who believes he is in the right just because of his position as heir apparent and older brother.
We must also keep in mind he actually had ample reason to believe Amalia about Nox's plans. While it's hard to tell the extent of his actions and the repercussions they had on the World of Twelve and his victims before the beginning of the show, the fact remains that Nox had been at large for 200 years. In that time, he probably ravaged countless villages and killed powerful creatures in order to drain their Wakfu. Surely, word must have at least got out about some mad Xelor going around and killing people!
In other words, it wasn't necessarily like Armand didn't have proof that Amalia was telling the truth. At the very least, he must have heard some rumours. And yet, that wasn't enough for him to believe his sister and act accordingly.
Not to mention, Amalia had ran away yet came back to warn her people of the upcoming threat. Yet Armand still thought she was making stuff up. Who in their right mind would leave their home only to come back to put everyone on edge over a lie?
One thing is acting spoiled from time to time, and another very different thing is acting sociopathic!
Now, let's compare this to his audience with Yugo when he sought his permission to investigate Sadida ground.
During the time between season 2 and the OVAs, Armand seemed to have developed a deep-seated mistrust of the Eliatropes, most likely caused by Qilby's deceit, and it was only exacerbated when the Eliatrope Goddess introduced herself and made her intentions of controlling the World of Twelve in order to make it safe for her children clear.
It's also worth pointing out that not even Yugo was safe from his scorn, despite being a staunch ally to the Sheran Sharms, and saving his kingdom and the world in several occasions. This I attribute both to the fact that Amalia's feelings for him got in the way of marrying her off (thankfully, he seemed to move on from that mindset in season 4, though he still didn't necessarily approve of Yugo), and the fact that King Oakheart was always so welcoming and trusting of him. Knowing Armand, it really wouldn't be far-fetched to believe he was jealous of Yugo's own relationship with his father.
And yet, when the time came for Yugo to request his help and ask him to place his trust on him, Armand agreed.
This is especially telling of his character development because, unlike in Amalia's case, Armand did have ample reason to distrust the Eliatropes.
It's true, except for Qilby and arguably their goddess, the Eliatropes are a peaceful race, but the Twelvians' experiences with the former two at least justify their unease around them.
Both of them display an alarming lack of empathy towards anyone but themselves or their people. After all, Qilby is responsible for the genocide of the Eliatropes, and all because he was bored and searched stimulation elsewhere because of his divine gift. But at the same time, while he couldn't care less for the World of Twelve and planned to have Rushu and his subjects destroy it right before draining it dry of all Wakfu just to fuel the Zenit, he was equally adamant to have his family and the Eliatrope children with him as he travelled the Krosmoz.
The Eliatrope Goddess, on the other hand, might not have been as outwardly callous as her son, nor capable of even going through with her threats and putting the world leaders in their place, but she is equally uncaring towards anyone who isn't one of her children.
In fact, that was the very reason why she made an enemy out of the Twelvian leaders and they came to resent her presence. Because she chose to override their authority and keep them all under her watch (which, until she revealed herself, had the Twelvians terrorised). But the last nail on the coffin was when she revealed that all that, the Eliaculus, sending the Eliatrope guard to help whenever there was trouble, everything, was solely to ensure her children's safety.
Like mother, like son. Am I right?
Even without saying anything, she made it clear that she cared not for the Twelvians and that the Eliatropes were her priority. And that's without getting into her manic insistence they left the World of Twelve to rot the moment the Nécromes arrived.
Now, there's no denying that most leaders with any significant focus have been revealed to be jerks one way or another (looking at you, Queen Astra, Prince of Brakmar, and the entire Osamodas royal family), but they do have a right to be worried when Eliatrope didn't even bother to hide how, in her eyes, they're second class citizens compared to her own followers.
These first impressions really didn't give much reason for Armand to believe Yugo and to listen to his pleas. However, the most damning evidence of all had to be the fact that the Nécromes appeared with the arrival of the Eliatropes. Between the suspicious timing and the fact that the portal-making race had dealt with traitors before, it sounded very unlikely that both things wouldn't be connected.
And Armand knew this. He was perfectly aware of how suspicious everything was, and he didn't hesitate to let Yugo know. However, he also admitted, several times, in fact, that Yugo had been an ally to the Sadida Kingdom since the beginning. That if both his father and his sister never hesitated to put as much faith and trust in him as they did, then it would only be wise he chose to trust Yugo as well.
A clear contrast to how he refused to listen to Amalia, his own sister, back in season 1, and all because he believed to be always in the right.
Season 4 was Armand's chance to redeem himself in the eyes of the audience, to go from an arrogant, jealous prince to a mature and wise king and brother. And while there are things I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for, I do appreciate the character development he went through. As I said at the beginning of the analysis, this scene proves he's come full circle.
#wakfu#wakfu season 1#wakfu season 2#wakfu ova#wakfu season 3#wakfu season 4#wakfu spoilers#wakfu analysis#armand sheran sharm#yugo the eliatrope#amalia sheran sharm#yumalia#wakfu evangelyne#master joris#joris jurgen#qilby#eliatrope goddess#sadida#eliatrope#nécrome#necro#king oakheart sheran sharm#ankama#dofus#krosmoz#nox
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I love. LOVE. Get In the Water
It's one of the objectively best songs in the musical; I will die on this hill.
Poseidon was always, despite being pretty much the main antagonist of EPIC, a really underdeveloped character in my opinion. He just needed a little more nuance and the fact that one (+ kind of one more) song managed to add so much to his characterization pretty much exclusively through subtext and implications is incredibly impressive writing. Because it did!
At the start he's yet again playing games with Odysseus, the way he did in Ruthlessness. In both songs he could kill him easily at any point, yet he chooses not to for the sake of playing games. In Ruthlessness, this becomes his own hubris as it leads to Odysseus escaping.
If you listen closely, at the start of GITW he already sounds slightly different. He's still trying to keep up this "God of Ruthlessness" front that he's so proud of, but he's no longer more or less carefree the way he was in Ruthlessness. He's been obsessing over this feud for ten years, and even if he would never admit it, it's actually clear just from his voice that he really is tired of it too. Not in the sense of it emotionally draining him the way it probably does Odysseus, but in the sense that it's a bother, a loose end in his life, a book that he finally wants to slam shut.
But he still has a reputation to uphold, and he still cannot close this book until Odysseus is dead, so he keeps up the game. Instead of just killing him, he's taunting him to kill himself. He might associate the idea of just striking him down with a sort of loss, like then he'd have to his hands dirty. Then he's rambling about killing his people, his family. He's provoking Odysseus on purpose, likely trying to get him to snap back, to hate him and fear him the way that Poseidon would think any mortal who has consumed this much of his time should. In his eyes, Odysseus deserves nothing less than to curse him with his last breath as his "darkest moment", the god who became the bane of his life.
And Odysseus replies, of all things, with ... sympathy.
Honestly, I don't blame Poseidon for being speechless for three full seconds. He literally just threatened to gauge Telemachus' eyes out the way Odysseus did with Polyphemus, and this absolute madlad of a man replies with an acknowledgement that he (might have) caused Poseidon pain too.
Now, I don't really think Poseidon was particularly hurt over Polyphemus' loss or hurting in any way in that moment. But just the fact that Odysseus acknowledges that he might be hurting too is probably something Poseidon hasn't heard in ... who knows how long? His family is the Olympians. I don't think I have to say more.
It's actually more of a genuine apology than Odysseus' explanation in Ruthlessness ... Now he doesn't say "sorry" because he's still not sorry for hurting Polyphemus, since he still needed to do that in order to escape. But he expresses regret over the pain he caused in a more genuine way than ever.
I am convinced that Poseidon is utterly unfamiliar with sympathy or mercy. He's lived by his "Ruthlessness is mercy" motto for centuries, and he doesn't know anything else. No one would try to teach him something different. The other gods all live by this logic, even if he's the most vocal about it considering he seems to have made it his whole personality. Mortals wouldn't dare to question Poseidon in the first place. And barely anyone would be willing to treat someone with kindness who is in turn treating everyone around them with ruthlessness.
It's very likely that Poseidon hasn't encountered anyone like this until Odysseus. Ruthlessness is simply how he treats people, and also how he expects to be treated back. The fact that Odysseus doesn't, the fact that instead of hating or fearing or cursing him he acknowledges that they have both hurt each other and that it doesn't lead anywhere to still pursue vengeance must have triggered Poseidon in an unprecedented way.
To him, this was probably the most outrageous thing Odysseus could have said in that moment. And it throws him off so much that he is genuinely speechless, and then simply replies, "I can't." ... his most genuine-sounding line in the whole musical.
I cannot stress enough how much it threw me off to hear this line; in the best way imaginable, it doesn't sound like Poseidon. It sounds almost vulnerable. Almost human. Because he is genuinely at a loss so much that he forgets to put up his "wrathful god" facade for just one second. Standing ovation to Steven Rodriguez for his whole performance, but especially this part.
And then Odysseus goes all out, to say something even more outrageous: "Maybe you could learn to forgive?"
... Which is when Poseidon snaps.
Kind of understandable, honestly. There's this mortal whom he has likely fantasized about seeing pleading, hate-filled, and terrified, cowering before him, for ten years now ... telling him that he ought to learn something. Even hijacking his own motif and his instrument in order to turn it on its head, "defile" it if you will.
This f*cking mortal pr*ck took his own "Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" catchphrase and turned it into forgiveness ... Of course, Poseidon is no longer hesitating, of course he is no longer concerned with getting his hands dirty or not. He yells "DIE!" and unleashes his ultimate move (which is really overkill for simply killing a mortal if you think about it) ... But he does it anyway because this time he genuinely means it.
This simple exchange (my favorite moment in the whole musical, actually) tells us so much about both of these characters that it makes me want to skitter and squeal in excitement.
Here is Odysseus—the very same one whom Poseidon specifically tried to teach ruthlessness—becoming the first person in a long time to offer him sympathy despite how Poseidon himself showed him nothing but ruthlessness. And then one song later, here is Odysseus showing him the consequences of not accepting said sympathy.
Six Hundred Strike and what Odysseus does to Poseidon would've not hit the same, in my opinion, if he hadn't made this offer, if he hadn't given Poseidon this way out, even if no one watching genuinely expected it to work (probably not even Odysseus himself.)
Six Hundred Strike is not Odysseus exacting vengeance. If GITW proved anything about Odysseus it's that he does not want vengeance. He wants all of the hatred and pain to be over, to the point where he is willing to let go of, and I am inclined to say forgive, Poseidon for what he's done to him. Six Hundred Strike is simply Odysseus teaching him this lesson that Poseidon couldn't have learned in any other way, because he has proven in GITW that he genuinely does not speak any language besides that of ruthlessness.
It's just the perfect representation of how Odysseus has now finally learned the balance between mercy and ruthlessness, which seems to be the core theme of the musical: Both have their time and place, one simply has to be willing to act in both ways and know when to use either. No one extreme is the solution. I am genuinely exhilarated that Odysseus finally seemed to have figured out that it's been both all along.
#this is easily one of the objectively best songs in the musical#god games is similarly great in subtle characterization#and thunder bringer is a lyrical masterpiece#those are definitely the top 3 if we go by objective quality alone#no i will not shut up about this moment ever#i love it so dearly#the CHARACTERIZATION man#i went from being annoyed by poseidon to dearly loving him as a character#is he my second favorite god now? maybe#inhales IT DOESNT MATTER HOW GOOD THE CHANCES OF IT WORKING WERE#ODYSSEUS GETS ALL THE CREDIT FOR TRYING TO LEAD FROM THE HEART#i will die on this hill#epic musical#epic the musical#epic the vengeance saga#epic odysseus#epic poseidon#jorge rivera herrans#you mastermind#I'm gonna make a tag for these my epic essays#If you want more search on my profile the following >#epicssay
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here’s a part of my underground!levi x reader fic i’m working on (part one should be posted soon btw) but i needed to share this little extract which deserves its own post <3
(it’s a long fic called "I'll meet you under blue sky" about meeting levi in the underground city before he joins the scouts and where you once lived above the ground) this scene comes later in the story and can be understood on its own. angsty fic but this part is just fluff, so enjoy! wc: 1k
When Levi walks through the door of your home, his ODM gear still firmly attached to his body, you can't help but raise an eyebrow in surprise. A glint of mischief passes through your eyes as you watch him.
“So you're a soldier now, huh?” you decide to tease him today, a faint smile on your lips.
He fixes you with his usual impassive gaze, but there's a hint of reaction in his eyes, something almost imperceptible. “Not exactly, it’s just useful here,” he replies dryly, “So you do know this,” he states calmly, his deep voice hinting at an interest he rarely shows.
Your smile widens for a moment. “Of course I know, it's the military's gear. But... you, on the other hand, aren't supposed to know,” you reply, questioning him with your eyes, suddenly intrigued.
Levi walks into the room, approaching the table where you're standing. He raises an eyebrow, a look of challenge on his face. “I know more than you think,” he replies.
You feel your heart beating faster, your curiosity piqued. “I don't doubt it,” you murmur as you stare at him, a mixture of admiration and questioning in your eyes. The idea that he could have access to something so rare and dangerous fascinates you.
“Do you want to know how it works?” he asks, without really expecting an answer, his hands already starting to undo the straps.
“Are you going to give me a lesson, soldier?” a smile lights up your face as you joke again.
A slight sneer grazes Levi’s lips, almost against his will. “Let’s say it's my turn to teach you something”.
You've never touched this stuff in your life, so you put on the gear, trying to figure out where each strap fits. Levi watches carefully as you try to adjust to the equipment, his gaze settling on your clumsy movements.
“Don't rush it,” he says, pointing to the too-loose strap hanging over your chest. “This thing needs a good fit.”
You look up at him, a little embarrassed, but he seems relaxed, almost calm in his role. Without a word, he takes the strap from your hands and begins to adjust it for you, his movements confident and precise. He adjusts the strap around your chest, tightening slightly so that it's comfortable, but not too much pressure.
“Of course…” you say, trying to hide the slight tremor in your voice as he moves closer to adjust the straps around you. He's taking care of every detail, and you feel almost embarrassed to be so incompetent in this area.
Despite his impassive expression, Levi feels his heart beating a little too fast for his liking. Every move he makes to adjust the equipment brings him closer to you, and he does his best to keep calm.
His eyes roam over the gear now suitably installed on your body before he steps forward to stand behind you . “Here, I'll show you how it works,” he begins to explain.
Behind you, his body almost pressed against your back, he's so close you can feel the warmth of his presence. It's almost strange, this light touch, and you force yourself to ignore the heat that invades your face. He speaks in a low voice, his breath occasionally grazing the back of your neck.
“Here, place one hand on either side…” He raises an arm and points to the handles on the belt of the gear. “Yes, like that…” He seems to be concentrating, but you sense a certain tension in his movements, as if he too were not completely at ease.
“It has to be stable... If you're comfortable... it's easier to control.”
You try to understand everything he's saying, but the way he's moving around you, his precise, methodical gestures, throw you off balance. You nod, but your voice betrays you, hesitant. “Erm... I think…”
Levi tilts his head, “What? I thought you wanted to try out the gear properly, didn't you?” he says, deliberately choosing to tease you, pretending not to notice your little reaction.
He gets a soft laugh from you in response and feels a little satisfaction, continuing to guide you slowly so that you fully understand how to do it.
“Here the kind of cylinders at the back,” Levi explains, his hands moving to show you the gas trigger that's attached to the belt around your hips. “When you want to pull a grapple cable, you have to hold the controller here,” he says, pointing to the mechanism on the belt.
Levi places his hand on your waist to steady your grip, “It's just like when you showed me how to hold a pencil to write,” he mutters, his fingers hovering close to your skin.
His words pull a small from you though the faint brush of his touch sends a shiver through you. You try not to pay attention, focusing instead on the task at hand.
Levi inhales slowly, as if to remind himself that he's in control. “Don't move so much,” he murmurs when he feels the slight tremors of your body against his chest as you laugh once more.
But the warmth of your back against him, the way your movements disturb him slightly... he can't help wondering if you feel it too. He sighs slightly without meaning to, but he can't help feeling a little... lost.
With the feeling of his breath fanning over your neck, a sudden and unwanted thought creeps in—what would it feel like if his lips brushed your skin? If he pressed them, just lightly— You shift abruptly, trying to shake off the embarrassing thought by adjusting the equipment. With a sudden movement your hands slip, sending part of the gear clattering to the ground.
This creates a metallic noise that makes you jump. “Sorry!” You scramble to pick up the fallen pieces, the feeling of embarrassment overwhelming you even more.
Levi sighs softly, “It's all right.” He leans over to help you put things back.
“It's just…” Levi hesitates for a moment, his eyes meeting yours briefly before he looks away. “The gear's easier to wear if you don't panic.”
You try to regain your composure, even though his relaxed demeanor only accentuates your unease. For the first time, you realize how unapproachable and calm he seems to you, while you can't even hold the gear properly.
“It's just that it's so heavy…” you murmur, trying to hide your embarrassment with an explanation that's only half true.
Levi nods, a slight smile on his face, as if he finds the situation a little funny, but he doesn't say anything more. He just looks at you, his presence surprisingly reassuring despite your obvious awkwardness.
#i can’t wait to post this ficcc i need to keep writing 😩#understanding and explaining the odm gear is so hard#levi ackerman#attack on titan#levi ackerman attack on titan#levi attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#aot#snk#levi ackerman fluff#levi ackerman x gn!reader#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman x you#levi ackerman x female reader#levi ackerman underground#divider by saradika
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STOP LEAVING THIS SHIT IN THE TAGS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD DUDE
This is the kind of shit that wakes me up from the afternoon sluggishness, the mindset of "fuck everyone I'm not going to work today and everything is shit".
Jesus Christ I'm gonna get you one day. I will make myself an idiot sandwich when I do. I will make you understand the brainrot you curse me with, the dull sense of fascination I feel about these faggots, stages and headcanons and all.
It has become a great point of borderline-obsession for me to imagine Stage 1 and Stage 2's complicated dynamics with Color before they finally both understand he's got no ulterior motives. Then they turn against each other full-force because Stage 1 is a wuss with attachment issues.
I think it would be funny if Stage 2 is the Stage that starts trusting Color first, no apprehensive questions asked, and then Stage 1 starts having a fucking conniption over it, like they don't understand what the fuck #2 is doing or why so they automatically assume the worst when really #2 is just happy to finally have a guy that doesn't treat him like the odd one out or try to alienate him over premeditated assumptions.
#1 recognizing Color is safe and trustworthy is the equivalent to strangling themself to not fuck up the one good thing they have going for them while #2 would appear to just accept it, like a simple "okay" while he's constantly making calculations about the what-ifs anyway. They're both paranoid, but #2 picked up the habit of scheming so he always has a semblance of a plan if anything goes wrong while #1 constantly obsesses over the potential of everything going to shit, not so much how they'd react aside from breaking down, running away, and maybe finding a way to finally die.
Color gives #2 basic fucking respect then goes beyond that as they keep interacting and #2 finds he likes that a lot actually, only for #1 to try and sabotage their relationship through their paranoid bullshit.
And like, I'm not saying #1 has no reason to be this way, they do, it's all just popping up at the wrong time where these behaviors and habits aren't necessary anymore.
#2 is bound to get pissed at #1 openly at some point. He just wants to be around his pookie and chill, no bloodshed needed, and the constant hot-and-cold, yes-and-no, will they-won't they, push-and-pull attitude #1 resorts to makes him realize that maybe, just maybe, he's gonna have to invest in a notebook to start communicating with this bitch thoroughly. Cause his main man, his one trusted guy being pushed away is not doing them any favors and he wouldn't know what to do if Color had enough at some point and just left like #1 seems to want.
So they have this back-and-forth for several months while Stage 3 is the one actually chilling. It gives no fucks about the other two imbeciles, it's enjoying every minute it spends with Color, but may or may not scream when #1 or #2 try to switch in.
...imagine what a blend of #2 and #3 would act like. I think they'd be extremely clingy to Color, maybe hug him with their entire body and stay like that even as he's moving around doing his own thing, but retains the #2 behaviors of studying everything that piques their interest and not responding to much emotional stimuli, and all while they're heavily dissociating. Once separate, neither of them remember where they got that information but just accept it.
ANYWAYS I hate these fucking people, I should stick them in the pear wiggler and lock the door behind them.
#2 I believe, while he's trying to do better through his bond with Color, still has manipulative habits compulsively. He knows he has an issue with that but the problem is he doesn't recognize the hows and why's. But #1 does and reacts the completely wrong way in getting anyone to notice the signs. They are set in fucking over #2 when what #2 actually needs is a clear reference in how he can change these behaviors.
He really does value Color, all of them do, but he feels like at this point in time he's the only one actually being productive about it and that's gonna be another reason why he's so infuriated with #1.
He's trying to get better for his own sake, taking notes and observing Color's needs as well so he can stick by him more effectively. If only #1 stopped destroying those notes under the pretense #2 still thinks of Color as a jumbo-sized lab rat and not the most reliable ride-or-die in existence.
I am waiting for the time #2 finally snaps openly and Color receives a rant about #1 being a bitch while he's stuck in sleep paralysis. That would be one hell of a way to find out yo boy's got suppressed issues he's struggling to sort out himself.
-- Sarco
the way stage 1 handles the other stages and advises others to the same is just both hilarious and sad
“Yeah no don’t trust me when im like that. im sure being told that everything i do or attempt to express is just me manipulating and lying won’t have consequences”
“oh yeah just kill me when im like that. what? I tried to defend myself against being murdered and killed when I was like that? gee golly im just so insane and crazy and violence is all I know you simply must kill me”
“what? hiding this part of myself and trying to suppress and resist it and pretend it doesn’t exist has consequences in that it will only make itself more know the more I resist?..I need to hide all evidence of its existence even more! In fact you should kill me before i ever become like that!”
like is it any wonder you feel so threatened in other stages when you actively turn others against you and encourage them to dehumanize and demonize you, thinking you’re doing anyone any good
#Sarco Screams#color spectrum duo#stage 1 killer#stage 2 killer#stage 3 killer#color!sans#killer!sans#colorsans#killersans#color sans#killer sans#othertale#something new at#narcoleptic color#plural killer#OSDD-2 Killer
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Some (many) thoughts on Arcane s2 while it's still fresh in my mind:
(tw: discussion of fictional depictions of suicide)
I'm gonna do some nitpicking here, but only because I really did like it overall - I think for me s1 was a solid 10/10 and this season was an 8.5/10, so I'm certainly looking forward to rewatching it! The animation was a big step up from s1's incredible work, the music was great, the performances were fantastic. I do think the overall writing/story fell down a bit, though.
It's weird, because my go-to when character arcs feel rushed is to want more episodes, but I don't think that necessarily would have solved my issues with this season.
Cait turned on Ambessa on a dime - we love to see it, but I think we maybe needed a few more overt hints of her discomfort with her position, maybe a sense of wrongness in their adoptive relationship and some parallels with Jinx & Silco given what Vi says early on ("why are you the one acting like her?"). Ambessa believes her daughter to be lost, and Cait has lost a mother - they were certainly playing on that substitution, but the eventual turn, while fun, felt a bit quick and unearned. I saw someone joke about the word "Cupcake" flipping Cait back like a sleeper agent, but that's kinda how abrupt things felt.
I think Mel's plot largely hung together okay, although it was pretty disconnected from everyone except Ambessa - would've loved to have seen some acknowledgement that Cait was filling her shoes as Daughter for a while there.
Isha was sweet and I liked the parallels with the Powder-Vi relationship (LOVED Jinx running with the pink chalk and Isha with the blue), but I think the sacrifice metaphor got a little muddled. The parallels with Powder charging in and killing everyone around her, versus Isha charging in and saving everyone but herself felt a little forced and I struggled to see how they served the greater narrative. The whole point of Powder's failure was a messy combination of bad luck, overcompensating for what she perceived as a lack of confidence in her, etc. Isha had Jinx's confidence on her side, I guess, and now of course we have the foreshadowing of Jinx dying to save someone else, which she's been trying to do since Act II.
Suicide was a pretty heavy concept throughout the first season. We had the parallels of Jayce and Viktor, we had the little-remarked-upon moment where Viktor hesitates before cutting the wire on Jinx's bomb. I actually think this season did pretty well with those two (although I'll talk about a couple things that irked me below), but the concept that we can't escape the things that we've done and we instead have to find salvation in those around us felt kind of contrary to Jinx's finally finding a way to die for her sister. I don't know that Jinx's story was necessarily supposed to feel satisfying or complete, but without another season there's not much to dig through there.
And that brings up the main reason I don't think more episodes would have resolved my quibbles with this season: it was pretty prone to overexplaining. To me, one of the most exceptional things about that first season was how little it explained. You had these gorgeous, evocative flashes of Vander trying to kill Silco, Silco stabbing him and fleeing into the night, and that's all we needed! That's it! We didn't need to know the specifics, we didn't need more backstory than that - the whole point of the season was that these kids are trying to make their own stories, and these guys have set the stage and are in the process of bowing out. Much as I loved the glimpses this season into the past generation's adventures, it felt like it was pinning something down that was more effectively left to the imagination.
There were also some weird fumbles with discussions of disability, especially in that last episode. I loved so much of what season one did with it - the older generation of Zaunites almost all had some form of disability due to the way they'd been systematically poisoned and their constant exposure to danger, and that was a really in-your-face way to challenge the early "why can't we all get along" stuff. And so much of Viktor's and Jayce's arcs are tied in with the sense of time running out and how Heimerdinger's long-term goals are incompatible with helping the people suffering right now. But instead we get this weird "you didn't like your imperfections so you tried to eliminate all imperfections", which doesn't quite ring true.
We just fundamentally didn't get to a resolution that I think was heavily implied, especially in Act II. "No one in power is innocent" is a great, raw line, but we didn't really see it play out. Instead, we have everyone stopping from othering each other in order to band together against an even bigger Other. As a side note, I don't think that Sevika's ending is meant to be a positive thing - we see from the skeptical looks of others that she's got a long road ahead. The revolution we saw coming just sort of fizzled out, and I think it's still on the horizon, which makes things feel incomplete.
There were also a lot of notes that repeated instead of echoing or harmonizing. We had variations on the theme of Vander dying three different times. We had Vi being unable to kill her sister several times. The repetition felt a bit like it was filling time instead of moving things forward the way s1's plot kept pushing.
This season is also the first time I felt the hand of League of Legends Canon shoving the plot into place. We knew Vi was heading for that enforcer uniform, but after the initial conflict it sometimes felt more like we just unlocked a new skin for the character. The Vander-as-Warwick stuff was kind of silly and out of left field, although it was executed pretty well and certainly pulled at the ol' heartstrings. Ekko getting his time abilities was fun and impacted the final fight, but I feel like we were missing something there as well that I'm having a harder time putting my finger on. Some of Viktor's lines felt designed to make the League players in the audience go "HE SAID THE THING". And I hate the feeling of setting up the Next Installment in the Cinematic Universe, probably just because I'm exhausted with Marvel stuff - I'd love for an adaptation like this to be able to really and truly stand on its own.
Overall, it just felt less like the characters were driving the story and more like they were ticking off boxes, which is just something that any good finale has to contend with one way or another.
Anyway, that's a lot of nitpicking. Fundamentally, this felt almost like it was a really strong fic that did a surprisingly good job of wrapping everything up and was stunningly put together in places... but still lacked the spark of the original.
Stuff I loved: Vi/Cait getting a pretty strong arc and certainly the first lesbian sex scene I've ever seen in a TV-14 cartoon. Animation and score was stunning. I did love the what-if of episode 7 - something I've been waiting for them to acknowledge is that literally everything that happens in the show follows from that one break-in during episode one. I actually think Vi and Jinx's reunion and reconciliation felt earned.
I'm curious how I'll feel on subsequent rewatches - the first time I watched s1, I remember being blown away but not in a "this is the best thing ever" way, and it wasn't until the second time that it really clicked for me.
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Notes on 3000 miles
Last year my doctor told me that I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a high resting heartrate. So I started biking on an exercise bike, and by my best estimations, I'm either close to hitting 3000 miles or have already gone past that.
I should clarify that this wasn't all at once. I took many breaks.
So here are some notes.
When I started, I was on an exercise bike that my wife had gotten from her work. It wasn't the best, but it was free, and I made a deal with myself that if I biked every day for a month, then I could justify getting something better. I really really did not want to buy a piece of exercise equipment that would just sit in the house gathering dust, because that would feel awful ... but I do kind of wish that I had gotten the better bike sooner, because it removed some of the "friction" of exercise, where it felt like there were too many reasons not to get on the bike. The new exercise bike (a refurbished Peleton off Facebook marketplace that my wife got me for Christmas) really does just feel and move better. I think the general principle of not doing costly monetary commitments until you've shown costly personal commitment is a good one, however.
Blood pressure is in normal range. Cholesterol is in normal range. Resting heartrate is in normal range. This was all the case three months in, and this level of cardio is more than enough to maintain it.
Right now, I bike for thirty minutes a day, going 8-10 miles according to the bike. That range is enormous, because it represents vastly different amounts of work. Going 10 miles in 30 minutes is 20 miles an hour, and I keep the resistance relatively high, so by the end of it I'm always panting. By contrast, going 8 miles makes me feel like I didn't put in enough work.
My goal every day is sweat-based and completely qualitative. I want to soak through a shirt. This means that doing more laundry than I'd prefer to, which is an unanticipated consequence of the biking. It's also, compared to all the metrics the bike gives me, a very clear sign that I am actually exercising my body "properly" in a way that's achieving something.
I did some of the Peleton classes, and found a lot of the metrics to be motivating, but ... eh. Exercise is mostly about being healthy and maintaining my body, so my current strategy, for the last six months, has been to either shut the brain down or keep it fully engaged in something that passes the exercise time. Usually this means a TV show, especially a foreign one with subtitles, which need slightly more brainpower.
The final two minutes is always the worst. I'm just ready to be done with it. Sometimes there's gas left in the tank, but I still feel sweaty, thirsty, and overheated. I have a water bottle, and I drink from it while I bike, and I have a fan pointed at me that I turn on once I'm warmed up, but I always have a sense, in those last two minutes, of "finally I'm done". I tried the thinking man's solution, only biking for 28 minutes, and this did not help. In my entire year of biking a half hour a day, I didn't ever elect to go into overtime.
I initially lost ten pounds, then slowly gained it back. I am, in fact, overweight, but I'm holding more or less steady now, and there have definitely been some body composition changes, with muscle replacing fat. I went down about four inches at the waist. I've changed very little about how I eat (which is 90% meals that I cook myself, and a daily coffee drink of some kind, usually made myself with sugar/cream/chocolate). Biking amounts to 300-400 calories a day or something like that, so I'm presumably eating more to compensate and just not realizing it.
Mental health has been rocky, but that's just sort of how it is for me. I definitely feel less mentally well on days that I don't bike, and feel better afterward, but I have no idea how tight the correlation is, and if I had been keeping track on a mood tracker, I'm not sure I would be able to sus out from self-reported mood alone whether or not I was biking.
During the summer I replaced a lot of indoor exercise bike stuff with outdoor biking. My son has only recently learned to bike, so he's been with me many of these times. Usually that means that we're either biking a lot less distance, or we're biking for a lot longer time at much lower intensity, sometimes both. There's a bike path that's downhill from our house which goes for maybe six miles, with some good, clear turn back points, but that means a fairly arduous uphill to get back home. If I lived in a place where the weather wasn't frigid for almost half the year, I would probably be doing outdoor biking more.
I think the most important thing, if you're doing exercise every day, is making sure that you're doing it in such a way that it's sustainable and virtually incapable of injuring you. This mostly means proper form. Early on, I had a habit of pressing down the right pedal with the outside edge of my foot, and after fifteen minutes of doing that, the muscles in the foot would be aching and uncomfortable. I'm not sure why I was doing that, but it was difficult to get myself to bike in a way that wouldn't be putting strain on me.
I think it's okay to skip a day ... if it's for the right reason. Of the days that I've skipped, I always try to make sure the reason isn't "fuck it, I don't want to". I should either be feeling sick, feeling like I need to rest, or replacing biking with some other form of exercise like a hike in the woods or some weightlifting or something. If I start skipping days because I just don't feel like it, that's where the whole scheme falls apart.
I am currently sort of wondering how long this is going to go on for, and I think the answer is "for the rest of my life", or at least until I'm unable to keep it up for whatever reason. I don't think there's any particular reason to prefer an exercise bike (or regular bike) over running or rowing or some other form of cardio, but I think I have proven to myself that this is cardio I can do daily and stick with it to the level that is probably necessary for me to stay healthy. I'm not committed to doing it for the rest of my life, since in theory some other form of cardio might come along and sweep me off my feet.
I do wish that I had started earlier in my life, even if daily exercise has not been the panacea for mental health that I had been kind of hoping it would be. I hope that I have the willpower and wisdom to keep up with it indefinitely.
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i don't want to take up too much space or add negativity here by talking about it, but i do want to touch upon it.
this fandom is difficult. it's difficult in a way it never should have been, and it is nearly impossible to engage with it interactively in a way that doesn't cause you any harm.
and i think the thing i've been coming to terms with recently, is that i can't engage with it how i have been without causing harm in a general sense - especially over on tiktok.
there's a kind of complacency at the moment. complacency in fandom etiquette yes, but the main thing is JKR, and the complacency people have fallen into when it comes to her. when it comes to the tours, the merch, the REBOOT. there's a complacency.
and it's reached a point where,,, there isn't much to do about it.
because my account there has always been talkative - i started talking over there purely to talk about my thoughts and share my interests, and it gradually became more educational. which was fine when it started, but it's not anymore. it's not when it's no longer fun for me, and when it's turned from talking about fandom to defending my place in it. to educating people on why my life matters more than official HP content.
and most discourse? i'll talk about purely because i find it interesting, and then i'll move along. but i can't move along from the reboot and general jkr stuff because i'm trans outside of fandom as well as in it.
i can talk about how it feels to be trans in this fandom right now, and then i turn my phone off, and there's bills to pay. there's increasingly high hrt prices, there's routine blood tests that the nhs won't do for my heart condition, there's a road in my town i can't walk through because someone pulled a knife on me, there's law after law after law being debated, funded, and approved, there's opportunities i've been denied and necessities i've been denied because of my identity.
and i can't turn that off.
and it gets harder to separate the two. it gets harder to separate fandom and real life when i'm coming to a place that should be a form of escapism and hearing people talk about supporting JKR, so i counteract that and explain why we shouldn't, and then i'm directly impacted once the app is closed. i can't turn that off, and i can't feel right engaging in it.
and i think that's the sad thing. i know @sophsicle did a post on this recently, but once fandom and real life start mixing, it's so much harder to engage here because we are responsible. and i can't ethically (or healthily for myself) post about this fandom on tiktok when it's to blame for the complacency we're seeing. and it is to blame. it's the comments on fancasts videos, it's the promoting of jkr's universe in random comment sections just because people "look like" the marauders, it's the reposting of the reboot or official hp pages when they talk about marauders and it's so much more and it's just,,,, impossible.
and i sound like a broken record because for MONTHS i have been talking about this. for months i have been talking about the harm this will cause and a couple of months ago i said that if things don't start changing, you're going to see creators taking steps back.
and i think the most upsetting part, is that i explain this. i explain how important this space has been for my stability and my confidence, how it has been the biggest part of my life and i don't feel comfortable anymore and,,, the majority of the messages so far are "what's going to happen to the fic rec sheet?" "should i download all the fics on your account?" "what about xyz?" etc etc
and it's just,,, content over individual. whether that's the reboot over trans people, or videos over the person, it's always content.
idk man. i don't want this to be too negative but this space needs to work on its support. it needs to stand stronger against jkr, and it needs to stop calling itself inclusive in the meantime i think.
this has been overly negative but fandom isn't. a solid 90% of my time on tiktok has been lovely. i made 18k new friends, gained so much confidence (this is the only time i've ever been able to overcome my stammer and speech impediment and that's everything), raised 7.7k for my top surgery and just,,, it's overwhelmingly positive.
my bubble is good. and the space i have crafted is safe and lovely.
but i don't feel right posting on there anymore. not when wider fandom is a big part of why JKR is suddenly back in the picture, and we can "separate her from the reboot" (we can't).
this is very long so i'll end it with this:
it does not alleviate your guilt to engage with her in a "marauders way". if anything, it is worse to do that and post about it when this space prides itself on inclusivity.
you are not reclaiming this space, you are making it harder for those at risk to engage.
and you need to take "fuck jkr" out of your bio until your actions match your words, regardless of who is casted in a reboot that shouldn't be happening in the first place.
#robyn is ranting sorry#tumblr is fine im still here gang#so it's a bit pointless to rant here#but im sad and yall are my diary#and i need a HUG
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