#i think this fear is definitely blown out of proportion by my anxiety though
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
is it silly that i really do worry about never being able to fully engage in fandom anymore and slowly becoming less and less engaged as i grow older and more busy and burdened with responsibility until i'm completely disconnected from it
#don't get me wrong i do hope that i'll continue to become happier and that my career will treat me well#and i'm doing everything i can to help make that happen#but it's like. i only really was part of fandom when i was severely mentally ill and isolated and just needed escapism#if i'm not careful the part of my brain that was dedicated to fandom will just stop existing#because i want my career to *also* be all about storytelling#and i LOVE being in shows and working on projects and taking interesting classes#but then i become so absorbed in them that i forget to come on here#let alone have the creative energy to write fic or make fan stuff#and i do love fandom!!! there are plenty of things outside it that make me happy but so does this#maybe i just need better time management#but still. i do wonder#i also live in perpetual fear of becoming famous and then losing all anonymity even on tumblr#which i hope will never happen (i want to be sucessful & wouldn't mind being famous but i NEED at least a few things in my life to be priva#private)#i think this fear is definitely blown out of proportion by my anxiety though#just. thinking.#belle.txt
1 note
·
View note
Note
Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"
I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.
this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.
I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)
Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3
"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"
Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!
What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.
When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.
The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.
Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!
About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.
I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.
And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.
I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^
Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
bsd character traits
howdy. idk how to start this. okay recently have been analyzing characters and,, i realized that most characters in bsd have traits (mainly one) that are blown rlly out of proportion. no spoilers below the cut i just don’t want to spam dashboards with longass posts 😩
so. a lot of bsd characters can be incredibly simplified and easy to explain. most characters that i can think of have a certain personality trait or something that makes up a lot of their character? for instance, i can say some of these traits and you’d be able to point to a certain character. childish and arrogant. happy and optimistic. obsessive and stalkerish.
ranpo, kenji, and higuchi. it’s like that for most characters, though. most of these traits are normal, or their causes are normal (such as higuchi’s “obsessive” behavior likely being a result of some mix of anxiety and idolization). anxiety and idolizing is okay and normal and moderation, but those traits are combined and amplified, which makes up a large portion of higuchi’s characterization. being optimistic is pretty normal,,, but kenji’s character is centered around being incredibly happy.
now this isn’t to say that this is a flaw in character design, or that it makes characters flat or boring. rather, i think it’s a pretty neat and interesting writing on asagiri’s part. y'know that post that’s like “if you can recognize a character by their outline, you know that it’s a good character design” or something like that,, yeah i think it's kinda like that but in writing instead of drawing? if you can write down a list of traits and think of certain bsd characters, then you’ve got a lot of the character covered already.
that isn’t to say that these traits are all that a character is, but mainly how they’re characterized and viewed. of course there is more to these characters, but if you were trying to summarize something, it’s very easy to simplify things to those traits. i think of this kind of like taking a character at face value.
looking at a character’s dominant trait(s) and mainly associating that with them seems like taking their (entire) character at face value. and i don’t think that’s necessarily always a bad thing! but i think it’s also important to look past those fronting traits and see smaller parts of the character, or the reason characters are that way. looking past dazai’s intense suicidal character and secrecy, you find that he can be manipulative. looking past alcott’s intense anxiety, you’ll see that she is actually very intelligent and capable, but those traits are mainly covered up by her “face value” trait.
then, there’s the matter of how strange or abnormal these traits are. honestly at first, tanizaki or kenji didn’t stand out as “extreme” anything,,, that i think is bc asagiri does a good job at making some things subtle and weave perfectly into their character. some stuff, like akutagawa’s intense desire for approval and determination, can’t really be missed. tanizaki may seem like an all over kind of moderate character, but i think that it just happens to be that his “extremes” are more normalized or hidden.
for instance, tanizaki seems pretty anxious. mainly noticed this in his first appearance where he was pretending to be a bomber- bouncing his leg, apologizing thoroughly afterwards and making sure atsushi was okay, etc. seemed like he was having some anxieties over the matter. this stuff is pretty normal given the situation, and in smaller amounts is normal. the situation definitely made those actions seem more situational and less like a part of tanizaki’s character.
there’s also tanizaki’s hidden extreme, which is his obsession and protectiveness of his sister (which i also wrote about a bit). again, loving and being protective of someone, especially a sibling, is pretty normal. but with bsd, it seems like these normal traits are just,, blown out of proportion? suddenly they’re very intense, very extreme, and you tend to associate those traits with the character afterwards.
kenji’s “extreme” would be his optimism and happiness, which again doesn’t seem like an extreme, likely cause it isn’t bad. unlike negative traits like possessiveness or being gloomy, happiness when amplified doesn’t stand out that much. extreme possessiveness or antisocial behavior definitely stands out more. kenji’s happiness is simply a part of his character, and it seems like it's more like “him” than an attribute he has. he doesn’t have happiness, he is happy. really fuckin happy. kind of alarmingly happy?? i’m scared of him but that’s for another post.
anyway uhhh now that i’ve kinda talked about the traits and why they do or don’t stand out, i’m gonna just. do a list thing. with everyone’s traits. yes. i’m sorry this is gonna be rlly fucking long,, this is everyone’s “extremes” and maybe why. also this order is coming straight off the wiki sorry in advance 🥳 not including smaller side characters (office assistants, elise, and herman melville)
ada
atsushi - he’s kind of complicated but atsushi seems like a mix of extreme anxiety, desire to prove himself/do good, and babey. he’s absolute babey. most of this is due to past abuse in the orphanage. some of his smaller traits include fear of pain/death, bravery, and kindness. sometimes these traits contradict each other which is why i say he’s complicated. while afraid of pain and death, his desire to prove himself pushes him into brave and risky acts. while he is generally kind and he wants to do good for others, that sometimes means being brutally honest or pushy. (see: interactions w/ aku, especially in cannibalism arc)
dazai - extremely suicidal and fake (fake happiness/outgoingness). mainly, though, is his over the top suicidal ideation. he is incredibly suicidal, and if asked to point out the most suicidal character in bsd, there’s a very clear answer: the suicide maniac. dazai is also one of the incredible geniuses in the series, which surfaces quite often. some of his smaller traits that i said earlier would be that he’s manipulative, a liar, and insensitive. personally i think these are some of his most intense traits, but it also seems like he’s one of the characters taken at “face value”, with these other traits overlooked due to his excessive suicidal ideation/being eccentric. i could ramble more but i will save my dazai shit-talking for my other analysis. oh and i say that his faking expressions is different from lying. one is purposefully being deceitful for personal gain, where faking an emotion/reaction is simply to hide one’s true feelings.
kunikida - extremely strict and idealistic. heavily imposes his standards on not just himself, but everyone around him. can make him easily angered. some of his less evident traits are fear of failure and sadness over not being able to save people. his fear of failure can be hidden by his strict and confident nature. he also tends to act very neutral and unaffected when discussing past failures (usually people dying), which gives off an uncaring attitude. contrary to that, though, kunikida cares a lot! while it’s somewhat unclear as to why kunikida is so set on his morals, it may be his way of dealing with perfectionism issues and fear of doing things incorrectly. if all that is supposed to be done and all of his beliefs are written in his notebook, it is easier to stay to a strict schedule.
ranpo - childish and arrogant. i could leave it at that because that's 90% of him but i won’t. ranpo’s inflated ego was likely born from some kind of entitlement (im sorry that sounds mean let me make amends). with him being a great detective and the ADA being founded for him likely contributed to him having a great feeling of importance and intelligence. honestly that’s understandable though, he is a respectable genius. underneath those domineering traits are strong desires for praise, to fit in, and some motivation issues. ranpo really wants to believe that he is gifted, as he would feel like the odd one out if he didn’t have one. he will do anything for fukuzawa’s praise, which is probably linked to some childhood issues. lastly, his motivation- it’s connected to his tendency to find everything boring, and if something is boring, it isn’t worth his time.
yosano - sadistic and dominant. this sounds like weird bedroom shit but i swear it isn’t. mainly, the sadism comes to light when she’s using her ability or when she’s fighting- both which include her using weapons on other people. her domineering personality is also not always evident, as she is able to talk with a calm front if the situation needs it, mainly in civilized ADA meetings. otherwise, yosano will get intense and competitive, with an underlying desire to win. to some degree i think this aggression comes from wanting to stay in her position in life- she worked to get there, and she won’t back down from anything that may challenge or disrupt that.
kenji - overly happy and trustworthy. this is pretty clear from looking at him, but again doesn’t stand out that much,, it’s an extreme, but it’s an extreme feeling rather than mindset/goal. his happiness also doesn’t hurt anyone, so it’s less noticeable when he’s working with others- it often won’t affect them, aside from perhaps encouraging them or cheering them up. kenji is also, as we have seen, too trusting. he believes that trusting others is a good thing that will always lead to a good outcome. since this is an extreme belief rather than a feeling, it’s projected on his surroundings a bit more. i can’t explain any of his underlying traits or causes as we don’t know a ton about him :<
fukuzawa - kinda tough to say, but i guess extremely calm and protective? i wanted to say emotionless but he definitely has emotions, he just conceals them very well. rather, he tends to stay calm in almost every situation, no matter how bad it looks. he is also very protective of the detective agency and yokohama as a whole. underneath the mask, fukuzawa is caring- he literally never shows it, but i’ve never seen him scold someone, get mad, or punish someone (except post-cannibalism, but that wasn’t bad). he often looks angry but isn’t really, nor is he super strict. his past is still a bit too unknown for me to guess at why he’s like this.
tanizaki - extremely..... protective......... i just wrote about this ik but yeah uh. tanizaki is protective to the point it’s scary and he’s a danger to others. aside from that, tanizaki often seems very anxious, though he’s usually quite subtle about it. like i said earlier, it usually blends into the situation- if he’s in danger, of course he’s anxious. but, it seems that even when the danger has passed, he has lingering worries about whatever just occurred (getting scared at the mention of yosano’s treatment, desperately trying to find a way around punishment for disobeying fukuzawa). i feel like there’s more but my mind is blanking sorry y’all 😰
kyouka - emotionless? again she definitely has emotions, but similar to fukuzawa, rarely ever shows them. mainly what i mean by this is that she has a very underwhelming reaction to everything. if in danger, she won’t hesitate to do whatever, even if it’s violent, all without an expression. when bad stuff happens, she also doesn’t react much, unless atsushi is in danger or smth. one underlying extreme fear she has is being “evil” i guess? or just fearing the mafia. she absolutely doesn’t want to go back to the mafia, would rather die than kill again, and often has openly fearful reactions when faced with mafia members. her lack of fear and blank expression is probably a result of being desensitized to violence and also bad trauma from the mafia B(
katai - tired and isolated. seeing as how katai literally works from his futon, it’s safe to say that he enjoys sleeping and to some degree is lazy. he doesn’t really do anything, which also is a part of his isolation. i wouldn’t say antisocial behaviors since he isn’t aggressive, but basically he avoids social interactions like the plague. he never leaves his house, is horrible at talking to people, and is completely fine being cooped up in a small space for a week with no human contact. i’m sure people enjoy their alone time and sitting in bed.... but uhhhh....... yeah literally living in bed for a week with the only human contact being having take out dropped off? kinda extreme. his less evident trait goes hand in hand with social isolation- anxiety, or more specifically, social anxiety. what we mainly see of katai is during the small pre-cannibalism arc, which also shows his social anxiety. had the chapter not included going outside and interacting with girls, it would likely be unnoticeable. he is comfortable at home and doesn’t have that much of an issue with facing people and talking to them. however, he was very awkward in his interactions with higuchi (talking to her and pointing another way), as well as not knowing how to confess his love for gin.
pm
akutagawa - i’m so sorry in advance, akutagawa’s is rlly long bc he is kinda just. extreme. so uh, desire to get praise/prove himself, and few but extreme emotions. akutagawa’s most defining trait is his obsession with being acknowledged by dazai. unfortunately, it doesn’t end there- his very character extreme, a constant black and white fluctuation with no gray in between. there isn’t much of a spectrum with him, as it will be all or nothing. this applies to his view of others, view on the world, himself, his emotions, and actions.
his emotions have been stated to be none at all, or intense anger/hatred and deep respect. his view of others seems to also be on opposite ends of the spectrum. either he likes them & respects them deeply, or he despises them. i can’t think of anyone who is in a neutral zone with him,, maybe he’s indifferent about some people, but i believe the majority of people fall into those two categories. then there are his actions, which are overly brutal even in the mafia. he uses excessive force and slaughter, aiming for flashy crimes to get dazai’s attention.
his view on the world doesn’t fluctuate as much, instead seeming to be fixated in one view- the world is cruel and harsh, and there are weak people and strong people. to him, the natural order of things is that the weak must die to make way for the strong. he also applies himself to a similar belief- either he is stronger, better, and more capable than everyone else, or he is weak, a failure, and would rather die than face defeat. extreme!
mori - lack of impulse control and being an organized mess. by organized mess i mean that he thinks a lot, is smart, and leads the mafia,, buut he also seems not the best at some tasks (darts. professionalism. being a doctor?? didn’t he lose his medical license?) mori’s bad impulse control can be tied into his disarray kinda. this is hard to word but it’s kind of like when he’s presented with an issue, he immediately and casually defaults onto an extreme solution (three way war? okay let’s kill the president of the ada!) while i’m sure these things have been thought out beforehand, it’s his sheer wack presentation of things that make him look immature, irresponsible, and kinda bad at his job.
chuuya - loyalty and irritability/aggression. while i do not believe we have seen the extent of his loyalty, it is worth noting that even after four years he trusts dazai with his life, despite dazai being a dishonest and irresponsible bastard. not trustworthy imo, but chuuya’s lingering feelings of loyalty do hold out. though not full trust and likely expecting something to go wrong, he still ends up trusting dazai. otherwise, chuuya is shown to be very loyal to the mafia, going measures to make sure dazai wouldn’t frame him to get kicked out. then there’s his irritability and aggression,, he’s shown to easily get angry and start fights with little provocation. some underlying(?) traits are his confidence (and sometimes arrogance), and his uhh,, diplomatic abilities?? idk what to call it, but if needed, he will calm down and focus to talk things out and make deals. most of these traits i believe can be linked to his old gang and possibly how they treated him due to his status as a powerful ability user. some of these also don’t seem extreme- he’s not extremely diplomatic, after all. buut these traits strongly contrast each other to make the switch more evident and dramatic.
higuchi - obsessive and stalkerish behaviors. personally i believe that this behaviors are rooted in a mixture of anxiety, loyalty, and idolization. i don’t know that higuchi has explained her infatuation with akutagawa, but it’s likely that she just admires him a lot. she also is shown to have a crush on him, which leads to the ideas that she’s obsessive and stalkerish. while i don’t deny those behaviors, i think that they’re mainly loyalty and anxiety dependent on idolization- except blown out of proportion and so extreme that she seems like a stalker. as she is loyal and deeply respects akutagawa, she also cares for him and his well-being considerably, as shown by the many times she interjects when his health is at risk. she is very, very anxious about his health, which likely is the cause for some of her obsessive behaviors (following him everywhere, trying to assist him constantly even when he says no, risking her life for him, etc). however, some isn’t all, so some of her stalkerish behaviors are genuinely rooted in a crush. but again it seems like this crush is just rlly fuckin extreme which is why she’s so persistent and radical in her attempts to help him/win him over.
kajii - curiosity. idk that this one needs a lot of explaining? his main focuses of curiosity are of god and science, but alone i don’t believe those things are extreme obsessions- he isn’t shown to praise god religiously (haha) like a certain someone, and obsession with science is already a kind of fixation on learning and curiosity, even outside of bsd. the entire concept of science is the study of the unknown. curiosity is a necessity if you are to be interested in science; its basis is observing, creating hypotheses, designing experiments, and then testing said hypotheses several times before compiling results and data into a conclusion. kajii’s fascination with experimenting is rooted in his desire to observe what happens, gather results, and learn from the experience. he is inherently curious about many things, but yes, most notably science and god. as for why..... no clue tbh.
kouyou - it’s kind of a control thing, whether it be with controlling/leading people, or being in control of tasks/responsibilities. there’s also a protective nature displayed, most notably of kyouka. in that sense, kouyou demands an amount of control over people and situations to execute action. her appearance also gives the impression that she is very specific and selective with her attire and how she presents herself- choices she has made, not mandated by anyone else. kouyou holds the position of one of the mafia’s five executives, and there’s nothing really to suggest that she is a bad leader or that she abuses her power.
while sometimes misguided and blinded by her own experiences, kouyou’s intentions are often to protect, help, and teach, which are not bad at all. her execution of these could be worked on, but at heart she is trying to do good. currently this intense protective nature is fixed on kyouka, though it is alluded that there may have been a somewhat similar relationship with chuuya. as for why she is this way, she has already explained it with her past relationship in which her lover was killed while trying to escape with her. she doesn’t want that to happen again to those she loves.
q - he’s a mix of stuff, but mainly intense switches in mood/mindset and chaos. there’s also an underlying desire to be loved and to be not used, or “cursed”. q holds the belief that his ability is a curse that he never asked for (understandably), and has expressed that he wishes that he wasn’t forced to use his ability. paired with this wish to not be used is his wish for love- while never explicitly stated by him, he reacted very badly to being told that god is real but doesn’t love him. however, he probably wishes for more than just god’s love. q’s intense loneliness and wishing for someone to care for him can likely be attributed to the fact that he is only 14, has no friends, and seemingly spends all of his time locked up somewhere in the port mafia dungeons because he’s too dangerous.
on the more evident side, q has extreme mood switches; he can bounce back and forth in between not wanting to hurt anyone or use his ability and then hating everyone and cursing everyone. his expression of these emotions are usually extreme, too- crying, sobbing, and begging can morph quickly into screaming, howling, and cursing others. these mood swings and hatred for others can also be attributed to his status in the mafia. it’s only natural for him to hate people when he only sees himself being used. his ability also is on the extreme side. both in what it is (mind control) and how it’s triggered (someone hurting him) speaks lengths of exactly how extreme his ability is. another smaller extreme that just occurred to me is his pain tolerance. he can be seen joyously causing intense injuries to himself which indicates that smaller and self-inflicted injuries are completely manageable for him.
oda - oda is weirdly like the opposite of what this post is about. there’s nothing really extreme about oda, unless you want to say he’s extremely bland? (i’m sorry hear me out) the entire thing with oda is his lack of emotions or opinions, and while i’m certain he has them, he very rarely expresses them. fun fact but he literally never smiled the entire dark era?? even with the kids 😭 okay but other than his extreme... lack of expressing feelings and opinions.. i think he’s very protective/concerned for others. he of course cares extremely about the orphans in his care, and he also cares for ango and dazai. i think that it can be said that oda’s main extreme is his fucking uh,, adopting orphan children. cause if i’m not mistaken he adopts like 15 kids in beast. he’s a serial orphan adopter. as for why, i don’t rlly know. i can guess that his stoic nature is some mix of trust issues and desensitized reactions to death/killing. under all that he’s strongly dedicated to his goals and future (caring for the kids and writing his novel).
hirotsu - honestly. not sure. he’s actually not that extreme. but, to me, his “face value” traits would be that he’s uptight and overly dedicated to tasks, though not to the extent that kunikida is. he was shown to harp on tachihara for being a few minutes late, killed an entire warehouse of people for stealing from the mafia, and tended to take successfully playing dazai’s video game a bit too serious, as he very formally apologized to dazai for his failure. he also seems to be dedicated to the task of supporting yokohama as best as he can, as he stays loyal and productive in the mafia even at his age. i would say that he’s loyal for staying that long (and he is), but he’s not extremely loyal, as he is shown doing random favors for dazai. however, these favors are usually to help support yokohama, so i guess he’s extremely..... uh supportive and trusting?? idk man hirotsu is just not that intense. intensely mysterious and cryptic maybe.
gin - though not exactly a character trait, gin is selectively mute. selective mutism, though normally a childhood anxiety disorder, can persist in late teens and adulthood. most likely, gin is mute by choice- and selective mutism is on the more severe end of the anxiety spectrum. while normal anxiety could cause someone to be shy, anxiety around others that’s so intense that the person can’t speak? yeah. there are, of course, other causes, but based on her interactions with others, it can be inferred that she chooses to stay silent out of fear or anxiety. she is capable of talking in select situations, and she can talk normally to some people. otherwise, she stays silent mostly, which makes her most outstanding trait her muteness. otherwise we haven’t seen enough to say if she has any other extremes. i also don’t have a definitive reason for why she’s mute.
tachihara - tachihara is another character with not many extreme aspects. what stands out most to me is probably his punk and carefree attitude. while he does easily get angry and violent, he can be just as quick to dismiss it if the situation calls for it. he is shown to be a bit more relaxed than his fellow mafia members, and he seems more into having fun with his job than being proper about things. his appearance also gives off vibes of a punk kid with an attitude, probably a mixture of kinda-spiky light hair, loose shirt, and weird fluffy cropped jacket. his attitude and appearance screams laid back to me. plus he dual wields in a weirdly casual way? he doesn’t have two guns to make his shots count and take on more enemies, he has two guns because he’s trigger happy and doesn’t care how bad his aim is. with two guns you don’t need good aim, you’ll eventually hit your target 😎 not enough known about him to say why he’s like this.
ace - not a lot is known about him since he existed for like two chapters BUT. ace is shown to be very greedy and ambitious. he frequently lies and plots to backstab others. if he’s an “extreme” anything, he’s an extreme snake, liar, and manipulative bastard. he also has extremely slimy vibes but that’s probably just me associating all liars and manipulators into super slimy feels. as for why,, yeah no idea? he’s just extremely greedy and willing to step on whoever to get what he wants. that seems to be it though.
the guild
fitzgerald - extreme greed and determination. fitzgerald, while already wealthy, seems to seek more wealth at all times. even if it looks like he is bargaining, offering a large amount of money for something, or even randomly gifting people, he has an ulterior motive. fitzgerald is a businessman and would not strike deals unless they were ultimately profitable for him in the long run. his greed can sometimes be subtle or played off as something “good”, such as when he confronted that one businessman. the businessman admitted to the crime, attempted to pay off fitzgerald into silence, but was backstabbed in the end as fitzgerald provided evidence against him to the court despite the money given.
another one of fitzgerald’s biggest traits is his persistent and determined nature. he is shown to not give up on his goals, no matter what the cost is. he wants to revive his daughter and help his wife? then he has no issues invading a foreign country, waging a gifted war against their gifted organizations, and willingly cursed ⅕ of yokohama with q’s ability, despite the fact that they were all innocent bystanders. as he stated, he was willing to raze yokohama to the ground to get the book. when defeated, it took a bit to convince him to try again, but once he decided to go for success again, it was almost simple for him to regain his status and wealth.
as for why he is so greedy, that isn’t really touched on or explained. his determination and independence can be chalked up to his “rules of success” or whatever. some of his underlying extremities could be social incompetence/ignorance, which honestly kind of makes up a lot of his character? beneath the absolute rich boy is an absolute ignorant rich boy. he seemed to struggle to understand why nathaniel felt responsible for mitchell. he also talks to alcott very flippantly despite her nervous reactions to him (and frequently ignores her warning to not follow dangerous plans). he doesn’t know what it’s like being poor, seen when he just walked into another person’s room in a hotel, thinking that he also owned that room.
montgomery - extremely playful and eager. the eagerness and playfulness kind of go hand in hand, as she is very excitable and loves to use her ability to mess with people and play games. this is evident in how over the top her speech is and how emphasized her actions are (the creepy big smile, her gesturing & clapping, etc.) her eagerness is mainly focused on winning and catching people in her game. these actions tend to blend into her character more than an intensified trait. an underlying strong desire is her desperation to fit in and have a place to belong, which is tied into her over-eagerness to win and do well. this is a result of her upbringing in an orphanage where she was unwanted. having no place to call home, she has fixated on creating a place where she can stay and fit in with others; particularly with other ability users, as she was outcast for having an ability when no one else did.
steinbeck - though not as extreme as some other traits, steinbeck is above average in attributes like determination and a lack of empathy for strangers. his determination, for lack of a better word, will be used more as an umbrella term for his loyalty, thoroughness, and efficiency in his work. when needed, he will finish tasks assigned quickly and without skipping details. he is good at sticking to plans or an order and does his job well. despite disagreeing with fitzgerald’s ambitions and methods, he stays with the guild and even plans to lead it after its fall. his motivations are also rooted in his love and loyalty to his family. however, his intense thoroughness and determination also seems to lead to decreased empathy for others. he willingly went with the emergency plan, despite his ability causing q to curse ⅕ of innocent civilians in yokohama. he was also ready to sacrifice haruno and naomi for the purpose of fulfilling his mission. an underlying (and not as intense) trait is how laid back and casual he is. despite his jobs being cruel and sacrificing others, he does it easily and with a smile.
lovecraft - very very tired. being tired sometimes is normal if you didn’t sleep well, but lovecraft is constantly exhausted and on the verge of falling asleep. basically every scene with him includes him talking about how tired he is, or how much he wants to sleep. there were also instances of him briefly falling asleep in inappropriate scenes, such as when kunikida shot him and during the fight with dazai and chuuya. after the guild fell and his contract with fitzgerald expired, he immediately jumped into the ocean to sleep. aside from being incredibly tired, lovecraft has a few other feelings (though not as severe): being hungry and feeling anxious. hunger isn’t mentioned as much as being tired, nor is his anxiety; however, lovecraft has expressed that he feels anxious around people, as he never really interacts with them or goes out in public. before he was in japan with steinbeck, he apparently hadn’t been outside in four years. another extreme shut in! a bonus thing that we don’t know much about, but lovecraft seems to be bound to contracts he makes; even if he wants to do something else, he must “fulfill [his] contract”. assuming that he has no choice but to do what the contract requires, once he signs a contract, that’s a very powerful thing going on.
hawthorne - well uh. incredibly religious, and extremely dedicated/loyal. the religious part is arguably the biggest part of his character; he is a pastor, dresses like one, carries around a bible, and uses his rosary to activate his ability (which takes the form of verses from the bible). his purpose in life, and in the guild, is to pass on judgement to sinners and punish them. it is his strongest motivator, and he mainly spends his time speaking to god, reading the bible, and deciding how to use his ability to follow god’s will. all religion related- he’s incredibly dedicated. he is also loyal to margaret mitchell, to the point that it diverted him from god. his desire to save her and help restore her honor was also a big thing for him; eventually, this goal overtook following religion, which is a considerable achievement. i say that it overtook religion because he began working with fyodor in order to help mitchell- that was a mistake, as he currently is brainwashed into following fyodor’s orders without ever thinking on his own. he is no longer using his ability to follow his life’s work and to follow god. more underlying traits of his include arrogance and a lack of expressions. basically, doesn’t express much, though his tone tends to be arrogant a lot of the time.
mitchell - with much unknown about her and little screen time, it’s a bit difficult to peg any extremes she has; however, she does possess a lot of arrogance that affects several aspects of her life. first and foremost, this arrogance tends to interfere with her relationships. mitchell is quick to start fights over petty things, automatically placing herself above others and asserting it quite forcefully. secondly, her arrogance disrupts how she acts and perceives others. as stated before, she believes herself to be above everyone else. however, beyond simply stating that, mitchell complains about having to do work when she believes that she is above that, too. she thinks that everyone else should be doing the work, and was shown to get angry at hawthorne when he wasn’t giving orders on the ship. another instance of this arrogance is her severely underestimating enemies, and becoming in critical danger as a result. a less noticeable trait is her honor, sort of? though it seems similar to her arrogance and inflated ego, mitchell is obsessed with restoring honor to her family, to the point that she would risk her life for it.
poe - hoo boy. poe has a few extremes: severe social anxiety/isolation, competitiveness, and a self esteem issue (sort of). poe faced ranpo in a battle of wits some time in the past, and when defeated, apparently fell into a deep depression. normally, someone would accept their failure and move on, but poe instead gained a lot of self-doubt and negative emotions. to recover from that fall, he became obsessed with facing off with ranpo again and winning. he is extremely dedicated and competitive, as he prepared to face ranpo again for six fuckin years. he is stated to be reclusive and shy, talking quietly and hiding his face with his hair. his profile says he dislikes noisy crowds and “being invited to a party and ignored by the only person he knows”. in short, he is not one for socializing or being the center of attention.
some of his underlying traits are his mood swings or conflicting feelings about others. though they aren’t super severe, it is worth noting that it happens quite frequently- he was confident when facing ranpo, then switched to a very depressed and sullen mood when ranpo didn’t recognize him. he was happy when he believed he beat ranpo- again, quickly transformed to intense disappointment and feeling of defeat when he realized that he lost. his conflicting feelings of others is mainly evident in his weird relationship with ranpo. he appears excited and overjoyed to watch ranpo use super deduction, but when asked if he was a fan, replied that they were rivals. when he trapped chuuya and ranpo in the book, he laughed in delight at potentially trapping and winning against ranpo in this way. immediately after, he was struck with the possibility of ranpo actually dying in the book, to which he got quiet and a bit scared about.
twain - another character with a lot of arrogance? but also a lot of excited reactions and constantly looking to mess around and have fun. he is shown to be very laid back and casual about his job, not getting disappointed when faced with defeat; rather, he laughs in excitement about someone being talented enough to escape his sniping. most scenes with him include inappropriate bouts of jokes and requests to engage in silly activities. however, he dislikes being ignored or left behind, so he tends to go with the flow anyway. more regarding his arrogance; twain believes his ability and talent to be great. his last appearance includes him commenting on how he is going to go home and finish writing his autobiography. not much is known about him, so it’s unclear why he is significant enough to write a book about. plus, his likes list himself and praise as the first two. a less evident trait of his, referenced in his likes and dislikes, is what he likes to do. sniping, of course, seems to be his favorite- this is likely because he likes adventure (and probably dangerous tasks/jobs), and dislikes plain or boring work. he likely gets bored easily, similar to ranpo, and needs an engaging and interesting task to entertain him.
alcott - most obviously, alcott has severe anxiety, though mainly it’s related to the social aspects of her life. this timidness and fear of talking to others dominates most of her character, and when thinking of alcott, the first thought that comes to mind is “oh, that really anxious and shy tactician.” alcott, for an unknown reason, relies heavily on approval from others, mainly fitzgerald. she has low self esteem, which also contributes to her fear of talking to strangers; she will run and hide if other people confront her. she only seems to feel more comfortable with fitzgerald, her boss, and poe, her fellow shy writer friend. other than her anxiety, alcott is also incredibly intelligent. it’s overshadowed by her “face value” trait, but is still very prominent. her work as a tactician means that she plans, but even her plans are the epitome of intense. using her ability allows her to write packets of potential outcomes to situations she really has no way of predicting. she also writes what to do should certain problems arise, though her cautious nature appears again as she often strongly recommends that fitzgerald does nothing.
the rats/decay of angels
fyodor - fyodor is another kind of tough one, but i’d say that it’s a mix of intelligence and composed attitude. another character with a very limited range of emotions- iirc there was one time he looked surprised, occasionally looks annoyed or confused, sometimes smiles, but mostly has no expression at all. he has dulled reactions to external stimuli, similar to kyouka, and likely hides his reactions or feelings like fukuzawa. one thing that is known, however, is that he is one of the genius characters and that he is constantly plotting and thinking. while he may not react to things happening around them, i am sure he notices them, takes them into account, and sometimes incorporates them into his complex plans. his ability to predict things rivals alcott’s, to the point that he predicts what everyone will do, how to trick them, and how to exploit the mistakes they will make. unlike alcott, his ability does not allow him to maximize his genius and complex plotting; all of his thinking and planning is done in the moment or before his plans are set into action, which is still impressive on its own. as for why he is like this, completely unknown. he also has a god complex, different from kajii and hawthorne’s religious beliefs. not only is his entire motivation to “cleanse the world of sinners” (ability users), but he has called himself god before. his religious beliefs seem to go beyond simply believing in god or following god’s word; no, he is god, and his job is to kill all ability users.
goncharov - goncharov didn’t show up much, but from what we saw of him, his main extreme is his dedication and loyalty. specifically, goncharov is very dedicated to fyodor- he underwent surgery to have “[his] unhappiness removed”, which makes him appear constantly smiling and declaring how happy he became with fyodor’s help. he is almost obsessive in his loyalty to fyodor, calling him “master” and apparently having similar interests (likes classical music, implied to have tea with fyodor, etc.)
pushkin - again, didn’t show up much, but from what little we saw, he is very ambitious. he found joy in the way his ability was used in the cannibalism arc, stating later on that it was a genius technique and he would find it fun to do it again but with prominent world leaders. ambition is one thing and desiring to cause chaos similar to the cannibalism arc but with world leaders… yeah he must get really bored.
mushitarou - though not quite a character trait, mushitarou is extremely… clean? particular? just by looking at him, you get the impression that he is self absorbed, probably grooms himself a lot (look at his HAIR), and that he is confident. he is also shown to be very demanding, which is where his “particular” thing comes in. he requires everything to be done a certain way, with very specific and high standards. with his ability, he also believes himself to be unbeatable, though this cockiness may have led to him being caught by ranpo. fr if he’s sitting there yelling how he’s gonna get away with it, does he expect to still get away with it?? anyway. i don’t really know why he’s like this or other underlying traits, as our info on him is still pretty limited. i guess he cares about his friend a FUCK TON.
gogol - oh boy. gogol really likes freedom and being a clown. now, being a clown seems like a weird kind of extreme we’re talkin about… but i think that this trait is mainly just emphasized with how outgoing and excitable he is. he dresses like a clown, loves playing weird tricks and games, and frequently gives people “quizzes”. his body language also characterizes him as moving around excessively. overall just a mega clown. then there’s his love of freedom. his recently released character profile states that he dislikes “brainwashing, subordination, being unfree”. all his dislikes are tied into each other and definitely tied into his odd obsession with being free- hell, he even died saying, “this is a prison break! over the innate brainwashing known as morality, i choose the freedom of my soul!” basically, a reality where he must follow what others want is too confining and he would rather die to free his soul than continue living that way. pretty extreme!
sigma - uh my boy has only existed for like 7 chapters but. we’ll go with he’s extremely secretive and also babey. so, with the secrecy, it’s more like he has very bad amnesia and most information is unknown about him. real name, backstory, age, birthday, weight, height, ability name- none of that is clear, so he is either keeping it secret or doesn’t remember (possibly a combination of both.) from what we have seen of sigma, though, he is very kind and considerate of his customers and other people. he is formal and protective of not only his casino, but those staying at his casino. he has spent a lot of time memorizing everyone’s names and info about them for the sake of maximizing their safety and enjoyment. for being a member of a terrorist organization, sigma is a sweetheart. his kindness and innocence are more traits that blend into his character more, so it isn’t as evidently an “extreme”- but i do want to say that he has extreme memory issues and for being in a terrorist organization, he is incredibly sweet, which seems somewhat out of place.
others
ango - ango is very, very hardworking. another dedicated madlad. in dead apple, ango was shown to have willingly pulled several all nighters writing reports on the incident. when we were first introduced to him in the mafia, he was shown to be going above and beyond with his job; rather than writing a list of the people who died, ango wrote out a biography for each person, basically. he was uptight and against slacking in his job, attempting to refuse dazai and oda’s offer to go drinking, and very against being hugged by them when they stank of death. a bit of a clean freak with how uptight and orderly he was. he held a high ranking position in the mafia as an informant, where he handled much of their sensitive information and deals. his job also required him to work as a triple agent- initially in the special abilities department, then sent to infiltrate the mafia, and then in the mafia was sent to infiltrate mimic to work as a double agent. overall, his job(s) required a lot of him and he gladly overworked himself in all of them.
gide - he’s kinda weirdly obsessed with a specific goal? so less a personality trait or even mindset that is amplified, but a strange goal where he, as the leader of mimic, was determined to lead himself and his men into battle with worthy opponents who could kill them. their sheer determination to fight others with the goal of dying, basically a suicide mission, was what stood out. plus, gide was willing to go to horrifying extremes to provoke oda into fighting him. he believed oda to be the only one capable and worthy enough to kill him in battle, and once he realized oda refused to fight him, kidnapped and killed oda’s orphans, essentially angering oda into fighting and killing hm, also killing oda in the process. so still pretty extreme, but also extremely specific.
shibusawa - shibusawa’s extreme traits are boredom, intelligence, and collecting. intelligence is actually kind of dubious, as we don’t know to what extent his intellect is, but it is implied that he at least believes himself to be a genius and in some way or another, superior to everyone around him. he thinks of everyone else as boring, life as boring, and as such is constantly searching to cure his boredom. this boredom is probably his strongest motivator for most things, such as conducting the dragon’s head conflict. this boredom also might be an influence on his collector tendencies, as i believe they work in tandem in his ability use. bored of everything, he finds it interesting to collect things- his ability allows him to separate ability from ability user, so of course he finds it entertaining to watch people duel their abilities, his reward being another ability gem in his large collection. his collection is massive, and seeing as how all of his gems are from getting ability users to kill themselves with their abilities,,, yikes shibu that’s really intense and hardcore 😰
and with that, i think that’s about the end of this post (thank god). i decided against including the hunting dogs in this, as there is not enough known about them to determine what their extremes are and why. also its 5 am and im kinda lazy :( i wanna say that this post is also kind of like a spectrum. almost every character has a trait/goal/mindset/habit that’s intense and kind of characterizes a lot of the character; but, some characters are less extreme than others, particularly characters that don’t convey a lot of expressions. and like i tried to explain earlier, some traits don’t stand out that much and seem more like they’re a part of the character. not every “extreme” written here is the level of extreme that akutagawa’s obsession is, for instance.
a last note to end on is that i wanna talk about intelligence in bsd. it seems like a pretty all-or-nothing situation for the most part; either a character is of average intelligence or they’re a fucking genius. now, most “average” characters are still witty, innovative, and capable of basic detective skills, but there is still a large difference in say, kenji and fyodor. both are pretty dangerous and extreme in their own aspects, but in terms of intelligence, fyodor has kenji far outmatched. i’m gonna rank the different geniuses of bsd and their intelligence type. this is entirely personal opinion btw
ranpo- on top of having amazing intuition and deduction, ranpo is excellent at analyzing small details in a short amount of time. his sheer speed at completely solving impossible cases, even with little evidence, is what makes him so remarkable. he also is pretty good at being a tactician, though his strength mainly lies in solving mysteries.
a tie between dazai and fyodor. maybe fyodor a bit smarter tho. both are incredible tacticians, and their strengths lie in analyzing what their enemies are plotting. they are good at reading people and figuring out how to best use them, and lying/faking their way to get what they want. dazai is also a pretty good detective.
i am sad to place alcott at third bc tbh she might be a two or tied with ranpo. alcott is fucking brilliant as a tactician and her ability allows her to create complex and detailed plans, correctly able to plot out every possibility her enemies may take. she hasn’t been shown to have any particular skills in reading people or crime solving, which is why she is placed third.
the debatables: don’t actually know the extent of their genius, but they’re apparently pretty smart and capable. mori, shibusawa, and ango?? i feel like im bsing my way now im sorry LMAO
honorable mention: katai
alright that is all im out. thank u for reading this hell i didn’t mean for this to be 8,000 words but its fine. probably. originally was gonna do shorter explanations for everyone and then reblog with more in depth but fuck it, its all here.
#this is 17 pages long on google docs#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd analysis#bsd manga#bsd anime#bungou stray dogs manga#bsd s3#oh boy#ada#pm#the guild#armed detective agency#port mafia#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#nakajima atsushi#atsushi nakajima#akutagawa ryuunosuke#akutagawa#atsushi#chuuya#dazai#yosano akiko#kunikida doppo#kenji miyazawa#tanizaki junichirou#fyodor dostoevsky
229 notes
·
View notes
Text
bnha in lord of the flies
a/n: holy shit, this was supposed to be a short headcanon-drabble thing and just got blown out of proportion. this idea’s kinda lit, though, i’m thinking about writing this into a fic
word count: 890
warnings & shizz: spoilers (under the cut), violence, idk, i love this concept so much.
introduction: My goal is to keep this as close to the original story as possible so we’re gonna stick with only the boys of class 1-A.
If you haven’t read Lord of the Flies, its essentially a book about a group of boys who’s plane crashes on an island and, without adult supervision, they descend into madness. It’s an excellent read, highly recommend it if you haven’t already.
So, I wouldn’t be sure why class 1-A crash land on an uninhabited island without an adult to supervise them, but we’ll go with the original premise that it’s the 1940′s and World War II is raging on with no end in sight so Japan decides to send their youth on planes to a neutral country to keep them safe. On their way there, however, the plane gets shot down and crashes onto the island��the pilots die but the boys survive.
❝ the thing is
fear can’t hurt
you anymore
than a dream. ❞
— ralph, lord of the flies.
Shoto Todoroki is Ralph—the chief of the boys.
Considered the strongest and most level-headed of the boys, he serves as the de-facto leader of the boys until he’s voted in by an official election.
Most of his time is spent trying to keep the other boys in check as they become increasingly more aggressive with one another and also trying to find a way off of the island and back to the civilized world, whilst also trying to shake a sense that his leadership is inefficient.
❝ what are we?
humans or
animals or
savages?❞
— piggy, lord of the flies.
Izuku Midoriya’s probably a mixture of Piggy—the chubby, bullied, intelligent kid who’s one of the only characters who actually knows what the fuck they’re doing in the novel—with a pinch of Ralph. He—like Ralph—wants to get the boys rescued and off the island as soon as possible but is often mocked and ridiculed by the other boys (especially a certain someone) due to his placid demeanor and his lanky, unthreatening appearance.
❝ the mask was a
thing of its own,
behind which jack
hid, liberated from
shame and
self-conciousness. ❞
— lord of the flies.
Katsuki Bakugo’s definitely Jack—the leader of a school choir and a general asshole. Boy’s a bully, its canon, and picks on Midoriya because he knows he can get away with it, unlike if he tried it with the other boys, and because of his own self-esteem issues. Do I smell a redemption arc for Lord Explosion Murder? Eventually, he goes on to do the same shit that Jack does in the novel that I can’t reveal because I don’t want to spoil this book for you guys like it was spoiled for me.
SPOILERS FOR UNDER THE CUT.
❝ fancy thinking the
beast was something
you could hunt and
kill. ❞
— lord of the flies.
Fumikage Tokoyami would be Simon—the quiet intellectual and the observer of the group.
Not only does he spend most of his time in the dense jungles of the island, playing with nature, he’s the first one to realize the ‘beast’ is a figment of the boy’s imagination and has that fucking earth-shattering scene in Chapter Eight where he ‘talks’ to the Lord of The Flies. From there on out, he tries to convince the rest but have the boys already succumbed to their inner savagery…?
Find out on the next episode of me trying not to spoil the entire book despite putting up a spoiler alert.
❝ you don’t
know roger,
he’s a terror. ❞
— sam n’ eric, lord of the flies.
I’m probably going to regret this but Eijiro Kirishima’s probably Roger, but more toned-down at the start of the novel. Where Roger brutalizes the littler kids of the island, Kirishima merely roughhouses them—not realizing his actions are hurting them. He’s Bakugo’s yes-man and, whilst he doesn’t condone Bakugo’s treatment of Midoriya, he doesn’t do anything to stop it either.
He’s the bystander effect personified, realizing that what Bakugo is doing is wrong but also hoping that others will step in to help. As the novel progress on and he becomes increasingly more self-conscious and guilty of not saving Midoriya, he grips onto Bakugo like he’s a lifeline and his world becomes practically dictated by Bakugo’s every whim and desire which leads to unforeseen consequences…
❝ there was no
parent to let fall
a heavy hand, yet
Maurice still felt
the unease of
wrongdoing. ❞
— lord of the flies.
Denki Kaminari is Maurice—the funny and charismatic one. He’s another one of Bakugo’s yes-men but also spends time cheering up the other boys on the island—including Midoriya—by telling them jokes and helping them gather food. He helps ease the boy’s homesickness and anxiety, at first, but soon loses all sense of individuality to galavant off with Bakugo, preferring to be on the island than to be home.
❝ we did
everything
adults would do,
what went
wrong? ❞
— lord of the flies.
So, where do you as the reader-insert character fit in? You could be any character you want but, for this, I’m going to cast you as Sam n’ Eric. In the novel, Sam n’ Eric (or Samneric) were twins who were originally loyal to Ralph and Piggy but—after a little torture courtesy of Roger—they defect to Jack’s tribe.
In this iteration of Lord of The Flies, you are Sam n’ Eric, but you’re a singular entity and not a pair of twins. If you’re a boy, you get onto the island the same as the rest of the boys. If you’re a girl, you dress up as a boy and stowaway on the plane—thinking this is all one huge adventure where you can be free from the rules enforced by your parents for a while.
How wrong you were...
When you land on the island, you naturally stay away from the overly aggressive figures that make up Bakugo’s squad and focus on helping Midoriya and Todoroki look after everyone whilst they wait for rescue. You tend to the signal fire, pick and bring fresh fruit for the boys to eat and help advise Todoroki on how to lead.
However, when the boys split into two factions—the ‘Savages’, lead by Bakugo, and the ‘Civilized’, lead by Todoroki, you find yourself kidnapped and used as a bargaining chip as Bakugo tries to get Todoroki to relinquish the title of ‘Chief of the Boys’ and allow the two factions to merge once more.
You initially stay loyal to Todoroki but, after being tortured by the ‘Savages’, you relinquish and agree to join Bakugo...
The reader will be gender-neutral and I’m planning on multiple relationships (whether their healthy relationships or unhealthy remains to be seen)...
The rest of class 1-A would probably serve as side characters, since i can’t find a way to fit them in… Oh and Mineta’s probably less of a pervert now that there’s fewer girls to harass… probably…
k, bye.
#todoroki x reader#deku x reader#bakugo x reader#tokoyami x reader#kirishima x reader#kaminari x reader#bnha#lord of the flies#tw: spoilers#story idea#imagine#reader insert#i don't know what i'm doing
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Call For The Past
○ yoongi x reader | 2.4k
○ some angst | winter soldier!au | marvel!au |
⇀ summary: it hasn’t been easy since you discovered your friend ‘Suga’ was an undercover assassin. And trying to reconnect with him may be just as hard as being traveling fugitives.
⇀ part of a scenario/drabble series, Lacuna - inspired by Marvel & the character Bucky Barnes
Gunshots. The distinct intimidation from the sound of every single one unloading from the barrel rattled the core your bones only this time, the discordance thundered beside your ear. The strange thing about it was that there were no visible bullets, not even one, to accompany the alarming sounds you were hearing. You sank to your toes, nearly burying your face to your knees as you cupped your ear in a failed attempt to foil the sound’s intent on instilling fear in you.
But the abyss-like void ignores all pleas, engulfing you into the darkness until you were falling and falling…faint echoes of something troublesome beginning to gnaw at you and you didn’t know whether they were manifestations of this nonsensical place or the real thing. But the clarity settled and those “faint echoes” became all the more familiar, and a piercing kind of hurt dug at your chest.
As you descended, you feel your gut menacingly tell you that you weren’t too far behind from the end of the fall. You teetered over the edge of danger but there was only silent acceptance and a slight taint of fear in the mixture. But before the bone crushing impact could hit you, light and soon coming into focus, cheap furniture in a mundane room with walls as vibrant as lifeless vegetation.
You woke up abruptly almost like a reel from shock. A sheen of sweat gliding down your forehead as you prompted yourself upright. Right…this was your reality. The color of the room lacked saturation probably due to the grey weather seeping from the curtains, the time indeterminable, but that seemed insignificant now that you notice him standing near the doorway—his black baseball cap covering his forehead, a bag of contents in his right hand.
You knew he had stepped out because he usually wears the same cap whenever he did and he almost rarely returns without bringing back something.
But just looking made you remember your circumstances, so you slither back into the curtains,turning your back against his stoic gaze. “Take me home” a hint of tiredness in your voice, “Take me home, I miss my dog…I miss my apartment.”
There was small moment when you hear nothing from him before feeling the paper bag settle near your feet. “Eat up.” He says.
You hoist yourself up to rummage through it—of course, he had already left you to yourself—it was food that was nothing special: two pieces of plastic wrapped sandwiches from the gas station and a water bottle. Though it was a far cry from the norm, you kind of got used to it in the past couple of weeks.
Before you could dig in, a proper thanks was in order, after all, he’s had no qualms about getting grub for you whenever necessary (you couldn’t leave the motel anyway, but it was the thought that counts).
You eyed the overturned bag, the other sandwich beckoning to be paid attention to. Did he not eat again? You pout slightly, he tends to provide for you at the expense of his health, you get it; he’s the knight in shining armor but this protection shouldn’t be at ‘expense’ of anything. You’re not the only human being on the run here.
You snag the other sandwich, staggering your way off the mattress to go and meet him. Of course, he’s already in his favorite spot: on a chair adjacent the window, inscrutably peering at the happenings outside with laser-eye focus, hands twisting and turning a knife, a glock appearing pristine as it perched by its lonesome in the middle of the coffee table before him.
“I don’t think they’re chasing us right now.” You murmur.
He tilts his head just enough to tell you that he definitely heard your voice and that he’s acknowledged it, but nothing more. It was starting to get annoying how brooding and reserved he is, acting like a stranger…he doesn’t even talk to you much anymore.
“Suga.” You say and his attention seems to catch the bait.
You held out the sandwich for him and he stares at it blankly at first, then navigates to you—his eyes devoid of anything, resembling the arctic cold. He could probably freeze a person with intimidation just by that poker face, but not you.
You raise your eyebrows and nod as if it was your own wordless way of commanding him to take the damn sandwich and just eat it.
He sighs—which you’ve come to know as his way of saying, fine, I’ll do it—and you grin from ear to ear, satisfied so much to have him listen to you that you pull the chair on the opposite end, intending to have a bite together like it was your guy’s typical, lazy, Sunday morning back at the apartment. Like how it usually was.
The moment your hand touches the head of the wooden chair (maybe he was already eyeing you before then), he blurts, “Your fingerprints.”
It takes a second or two but you immediately caught on, ripping your fingers back much like the reaction of a person repelled back by stinging pain from a hot stove.
“Sorry.” You muster, mouth drawing a line, knowing he was going to have to wipe off the prints later. “So…”, you start again, watching him unwrap his food as you quickly follow the same action. “Anything suspicious going on out there?”
“We’re in the clear right now so there’s nothing we need to worry about.” He says, stopping midway just to check back on you.
He must’ve noticed you gawking at him, it’s not like it was your intention to do it on purpose. Trying to reconnect with somebody who, to be honest to yourself, you thought you knew pretty well only to find out he wasn’t just hiding one or two measly little secrets was eye-opening.
You’d known him as ‘Suga’, your next door neighbor, close friend, confidant, all that good stuff…he was nearly a complete 180 but…The guy you knew, he couldn’t be completely gone, could he?
“Suga” you quickly notice your mistake, “I mean, Yoongi. When you were my neighbor, when we hung out and all that, how much of that was actually you? It can’t be all a lie, right?”
There’s that feeling where it seems like everything and everyone just stops moving, and the air ceases to blow a draft through the wispy curtains of the window, and even the tick-tock of the clock dissolves into a soundless nothingness—all because you were listening for something you either wanted or didn’t want to hear.
You couldn’t help but bring this up or think about it whenever you looked upon his face because he, Suga, was your friend.
His eyes twitch just enough for you to catch wind of it, “I’m given an alias wherever I go, my background, my interests…all fabricated”, his voice is surly; he doesn’t seem to want to eat anymore, “Suga was just a persona and a mask that I was supposed to play for Hydra. I’m sorry.”
His confession was a sharpened knife that you had pricked yourself upon now that he lay the words right in front of the table. And as much you swallowed the pill of harsh “truth”, it managed to bubble up in your voice; the anger and the hurt.
“Then who are you? And I don’t want to hear another alias or another fake identity, I mean, who are you, really?” you notice your voice slightly grow but it was too late to take it back.
“I…” he manages to say, letting his brown hair fall on his eyes, “don’t know. I don’t remember.”
His eyebrows knit together and for a while, you thought that that was it, it was going be another season until you hear about his past, however…
“It’s just—” he’s fighting to press on, “I have bits and pieces jumbled in my head. I remember these memories but” it’s as if whatever words he’s unable to convey is translated into hand gestures. “I don’t know what’s real, what was implanted. What I’m supposed to believe.”
There’s a look on his face that unintentionally confesses the anguish he’s holding back.
Never before, since this whole ‘run-away’ thing had blown out of proportion, had you felt some semblance of empathy towards him. He’s told you only on a ‘need to know’ basis. About Hydra, about ‘his work’, but the only fact ingrained in you was that he took Suga away—it felt like, in some sense, he had killed him; the Suga who was all along a fake identity.
The bitterness cultivated like a growing seed but now it seemed to filter away as you realize that here sat a man, used like an asset, paying the price for being their mercenary dog.
“Listen to me. there’s something that you did, or didn’t do I guess, that already makes you different” You say, leaning closer, “Your mission report was to kill me...You had nearly a hundred chances to do what you had to do. You got close to me, earned my trust; you could’ve ended my life before I even knew it. But you didn’t” It still hurt to admit what he’d been planning all this time but you’ve had some time to let it simmer.
“Don’t you see? This means that something that was the real you made a decision.” You assure.
After weeks, it looks like your words finally punctured the iron clad armor he hid behind as you saw a small smile that, to anyone else might’ve been insignificant—just a faint and effortless—but to you was like blue skies peering through the storm. You’ve seen him smile before, but it just seemed…different.
The truth is, you missed Suga but the person who portrayed him was still here, with that same face that reacted to whatever you were saying. Maybe Suga was fake and Yoongi was the real person…or maybe it didn’t matter as long as he was here.
“Housekeeping!”
There was a muffled voice behind the door that instinctively got you both turning heads, your throat tightened as if even the slightest sound of your hushed breath could be detected; anxiety beginning to run its course. Yoongi, however, was fearless, he didn’t tremble at the thought of another assailant possibly barging in, at least he didn’t appear to be as you watched him soundlessly tip toe towards the door when you could only sit and swallow the dryness in your throat.
It probably is just the housekeeper but being on the run has taught you to be extra careful of the ones you’d least expect to try anything.
He prompts you stay where you are—which you knew to do anyways as he’s the expert in these kinds of things—twirling the knife in his right hand as he predatorily checks the door.
All you could think is ok, what can we do in this situation? If the person outside is, in your worst possible scenario, another wolf of Hydra, opening the door and letting your face be shown is equivalent to inviting death; your voices too would probably be in the files…of course, before all this, you were Yoongi’s target, and he’s likely fed them intel or they’ve already done their little ‘research’. Either way, they definitely know who you are.
There’s a knock on the door when neither of you spoke a word.
This was when a plan simultaneously hashes in your head; one you admit you’re embarrassed to have thought of in the first place, but more so, that you actually think it would be a viable solution—especially since your source for this “ingenious” plan was from a movie.
Seriously…seriously?! One half of you say. And the other half is curiously gung-ho for it. Let’s just say, HYDRA recognizing your voice wasn’t going to be a concern.
Okay…
The more you thought about it the more cumbersome it appears so you literally just dive in head-first before your other half could talk you out of it. A series of lewd sounds begin to leave your lips; the kind that occurs in the ‘after dark’ hours. Was this more embarrassing in action? Yes, yes it was.
And what could possibly be the cherry on top of this mortifying experience was the fact that Yoongi had no choice but to observe while you work at it; etched on his face was an ajar mouth and widened eyes that detailed a ‘is this really happening?’ speechlessness.
An overwhelming amount of heat settled on your cheeks and continues to climb there when he raises a cheeky brow at your changes in pitch. He’s never seen or heard you like this before.
But despite the crippling embarrassment, it evidently works as the housekeeper utters something along the lines of ‘I’ll come back some other time’ and Yoongi peeks out the viewfinder, knowing that he is just waiting until they are no longer in the picture or at least far enough. What was for sure not even a minute felt significantly longer; made more intense that neither of you lost eye contact even if your mind is burdening you to look elsewhere.
You clear your throat as your leg fidgets and as he made his return to the table. “Shut up.” you say before he could sit down and say anything smart. “It worked, okay?”
He shrugged and although his expression tried to be subdued, there was no hiding that he undeniably got a kick from all of this. “Just one thing.” Is he pausing for dramatic effect now? “Remember that mask I have?” he asks and you snap your gaze from your sandwich to him.
Crap. In hindsight, this now made your little idea from a few minutes ago seem like an embarrassing drunken story from a frat party.
This “mask”, technically called a Photostatic Veil, was an ingenuity that was made up of programmable tech, constructed by nano-sized cells from end to end. In other words, it could completely reshape itself and mimic the facial structures of another person and it was 100% fail proof in hiding your true identity. It was one of the technological devices gifted to him along with the job.
The sudden realization only now makes you avoid looking at him as you pick up your food, “Just eat the damn sandwich…” you mutter.
You would be mistaken if you thought you heard him snicker but you swore you did as the sound of rustling plastic eventually drowns it out.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
MARVEL MOVIE MAYHEM
Anyone lucky enough to be born and raised in the late 70s and 80s has to put their hands up and admit that they are truly blessed. Okay, so house prices suck, nobody has a frigging clue about Brexit and Donald Trump is the leader of the free world. However, if you look past these ‘inconvenient truths’ you come to realise that we have been offered a smorgasbord of truly awesome fantasy reality to allow us to forget about the day-to-day grind.
2019 marks the culmination of one of those incredible masterpieces with the wrapping up of no less than 22 interwoven movies of all of our favourite comic book childhood friends. With the assistance of excellent story-telling and special effects, we are now seeing those stories we loved as kids playing out on the big screen.
In the past decade, you could argue that the small screen is King. The rise of binge-watching boxsets, streaming services and the death of the local Blockbuster, cinema-goers could argue that movies are dead. Marvel Studios, however, have found the right recipe to keep us going back every year for the past decade or so to bring us to this seminal moment. Anyone who has seen the most recent offering (Captain Marvel) would know that even the geek squad at marvel agree with what I’m alluding to here. Nice touch by the way guys.
I remember the anticipation and build up to the last movie Avengers: Infinity War, that I went full geek mode and ended up composing many art pieces in what was a pre-movie hype of epic proportions. I realised that my sole purpose for putting up with the utter turd of modern existence was to embrace those epic moments that movies of this nature can create.
Week after week I was spending hours composing these pieces and rewatching key movies in readiness for that release that was definitely going to blow my mind.
My mind was absolutely blown watching that movie. Everything I ever hoped for did not, in fact, play out on screen. I spent the whole movie trembling with fear that another one of my favourite characters was about to get wiped out. Now if you haven’t seen Infinity War I would suggest you stop reading now. I cannot guarantee that there won’t be any spoilers, but come on man, where the fuck have you been hiding?
The trauma of the opening scenes absolutely knocked the stuffing out of me and it just kept getting worse. My heroes were getting absolutely battered like a sausage with relative ease. In my dizziness, I wondered if the writers of the Avengers had decided to let the Game of Thrones guys have a go to see what they came up with. The whole movie was like a Red Wedding moment where most people’s heads could be seen twitching from the screen to whomever they came with. All expressions said the same thing - what the fuck just happened?
After a while, I just couldn’t take it anymore and had to get up and get some air. Plus I had stupidly downed my entire large Cherry Pepsi Max drink mainly through anxiety and needed to relieve myself.
That trip to the toilet was more disorientating than any heavy night out on the sauce I have ever had. The whole time I was just shaking my head and murmuring ‘Marvel motherfuckers’ under my breath, which made me look like a total crazy person. I have never seen so many people avoid a urinal and spend time queuing for a cubicle in my life.
My trauma was far from over though. In fact, it was about to get so much worse. As I re-emerged into the den of destruction and looked for my seat that crazy cunt Thanos only goes and chucks the hot green chick off the top of a fucking mountain. What-the-actual-fuck!
I’m properly pissed now and readying myself to declare this utter shit-fest the worst movie of my entire life. How dare you make me invest so much time, all those years to watch this and then destroy all hope of a happy future. Thanos really is the Kim Jong Un / Donald Trump love-child nobody would foster in a month of Sundays.
The whole movie was an epic rollercoaster of emotions that by the end I really didn’t know what the hell was going on. I left the cinema in daze unsure of what the rest of my day or life held in store. My friend looked just as defeated. We couldn’t speak and somehow just ended up telepathically agreeing that fantasy for today was just as shit as reality.
I didn’t like the outcome of this movie and in line with current affairs, I demanded that it was remade to my liking!
I have never left a movie feeling so utterly in need of counselling other than when I watched Gone Girl. This was as much of a mind melter as that. Seriously, since the latter mentioned movie I have never been able to trust a woman again. Fuck. Marvel, we used to be such good friends, how could you do this?
It wasn’t until several months later that I was able to watch Infinity War again in the safety of my own home that I realised what a truly brilliant movie it was. It was like Empire Strikes Back on acid.
I think I have come to realise like many of my Marvel-loving friends that all good things must come to an end. This epic rollercoaster will not necessarily be the end full stop, but it will be the closure of a significant chapter in the franchise. The Infinity Stones saga is coming to a close in just under a week.
It may have taken me the better part of a year to fully recover from the last trauma, but I have faith that the Avengers plus Captain Marvel might be able to put a big smile back on all our faces again. I’m especially pleased that Antman and Hawkeye are in the movie too, mainly because I did a picture of them and they didn’t show last time around. Plus because technically most of the ones I did capture ended up disintegrating into weird looking fart particles. My mate rather enjoyed pointing this fact out to me.
My main hope for the movie is that I don’t experience some weird twist of fate that kills me before seeing it. I have been super cautious all year to make sure that no ill should befall me prior to seeing out what looks like being an epic year of closures on both the big and small screen franchises.
As a Gen-X person who has been able to enjoy various comics, stories, cartoons and toys and to see them made into epic movies and TV shows, I can only say a massive thank you to the geeks, nerds and losers who survived the traumas of school to bring me such joy in my adult life. Don’t mess with my emotions too much though (oh go on then).
As for Thanos, click your fingers you fucker. This time you are going down you crazy mofo. Captain Marvel is a badass. Between her and Thor I reckon even Brexit would be doable. Sign them up.
Bring on the Endgame.
For more artworks feel free to check out: https://www.deviantart.com/tronic33/gallery/
0 notes
Text
Legends Don’t Remain in the Dark, They Glitter Ch. 4
Chapter 4: The Creation of Lalotai
Hearing those words your body stills and your face goes pale. The shouts of your tribe echo in your ears.
“Somewhat,” you reply tonelessly before gesturing to be put down, “I need to put the salve on the wound which is clean now. Thank you.”
Tamatoa’s eyes bore into you and your skin prickles with awareness.
“That’s not an explanation about what happened, babe~” Tamatoa drawls out as he brings you closer to his face. You swallow drily and anxiety begins to eat at you. “And for those marks in your wrist to be that deep your hands must have been tied for hours.”
A flush spreads across your face and anger stirs in your belly. How dare he?! He has no right to ask! “It’s none of your business about how or under what circumstances I ended up here in Lalotai.” You bite out with narrowed eyes that mimic his, “All you need to know is that I’m stuck here with you, and as long as I’m healthy and can help you any way possible, I will.”
For a moment you both stare at each other, unwilling to budge from your positions and give the other a smidge, until you begin fear that he won’t put you down at all. A shock of pain spikes up your leg as the wound remains open to the cutting air. The sharp pain of it reminding you of its current condition, and you can’t help the well of tears that begin to from in your eyes.
“Really, Tamatoa…please just put me down. My foot—” your voice cuts off as the exposed nerve endings from the gash begin to burn. Frustrated at yourself and your lack of control you can’t help the swell of emotions that rise up within you. Never before had you been in a position, except for the last three days, where you could not manipulate the situation and find a way out. Then you had found that tribe—that tribe of traitors and superstitious folk!—and were thrown, quite literally in fact, into a world where creatures could tear you in two without a second thought. Cornered and without any leverage, not even with the absolute knowledge that Tamatoa wouldn’t eat you once you helped him, the mixture of pain, rage, and betrayal manifested into a current of angry tears.
“Oh, for the love of Ta’aroa, babe.” Tamatoa sighed in exasperation before you were lowered onto the shell of his stomach. Through the angry blur of tears you collapse and drag your wounded leg towards you while hissing. Brushing the tears away with an irate sniff—thankfully they were slowing to a halt by now, you hated the fact that you cried when you were angry—you eyed the wound critically. Pink and puckered, the split flesh formed a puffy slash into your foot. Pressing firmly against the cut the blood that drips is clear of any infection. Head nodding in satisfaction your hand reaches for the bowl and you coat your fingers liberally. Rubbing the slick ointment between your fingers you glance up and see that despite Tamatoa not pushing for answers he isn’t satisfied with what you’ve said, and had you been in his position you wouldn’t have either. You withhold a wince and stare at the paste before closing your eyes in resignation. I don’t have to tell him everything, but our lives would so much easier if we just…laid everything out. Trust can’t be built if everything is hidden.
“Look,” you begin as you slather the ointment generously but carefully onto the open wound, “the reason why I’m here,” you hesitate before tossing your head back and looking at the crab straight in the eye, “is because I stole something from the tribe I had been making a pit-stop at.”
You don’t mention how they were the third tribe you had debated with yourself over at staying and making a home in.
“The artifact had belonged to my people when—,” your voice chokes off slightly but you continue, “when we were still a people. The tribe misunderstood my intentions and became suspicious of me and the artifact that I had taken. Things soon got blown out of proportion and resulted in, apparently a death banishment.” You pick up the knife and cut the soiled part of the bandage off. Slicing up the remaining cloth into a more manageable size you quickly begin to wrap the wound. “The marks on my wrist,” you continue while still focused on your task, “are from the ropes that bound my arms behind my back. The tribe had very strict ritual rites. The one I underwent had my arms bound for two days while fasting for the last 24 hours.”
You don’t mention the attempt at burning your soul tattoo away by one of the villagers which in almost every tribe you had been part of would have called for immediate banishment of that villager for sacrilege. Looking back on it now that was probably your best warning that the tribe had other plans for you at judgement.
“After that,” you continue in a bitter tone as you tie and tuck the bandage securely, “I was blindfolded and dragged to a canoe where they took me to the spire that led to your realm, but not before forcing me to climb damn thing blindfolded.” Sighing, you pop your neck and feel a swell of relief at the numbing cold coming from the paste. Content that the herbal remedy is working you tilt your head to meet Tamatoa’s eyes. He hadn’t said anything and his face was impassive but you could detect a strange look of what looked like sympathy in his eyes. Uncomfortable with the display of opening up you direct the attention onto him, “What about you? What’s your story? How did you end up,” you gesture to all of him, “like this?”
“Maui.” Came Tamatoa’s clipped reply.
“Maui? Like demi-god Maui from the legends?” Surprise coats your voice and your eyebrows raise in disbelief.
“Yes, that demi-mini-god and just for the record not all the legends about him are entirely true. Many are rather embellished.”
You shrug your shoulders before moving into a more comfortable position, “Never was much of a believer to begin with. Every tribe I visited had a different story for each legend. Made it easy to only believe them as stories for children. Ironic isn’t it? A non-believer gets thrown into a place where almost all the legends, in some way, are true.” Tamatoa chuckles and your face breaks out as well in a small smile. It really was amusing in a sick-twisted sort of way, “Anyways, I interrupted. Do continue.”
“Well, as I was saying, it’s all his fault that I’m in this mess.” His face darkens momentarily, “and the fault of that other insipid human girl.”
Intrigued you skoosh closer, “Another human in Lalotai and with a demi-god? Well, that does sound like a story. Much more interesting than mine. Care to elaborate to the awaiting audience?” You watch as Tamatoa’s face lights up at the thought of finally being able to tell someone his side of things when your stomach growls. Tamatoa sighs dramatically before giving you a pointed look.
“Hey,” you say defensively, “I was a little too busy acting as bait while running from your breakfast to get mine.”
Tamatoa rolls his eyes, “Well, I can’t tell my story when the audience’s stomach sounds like s'il se dévorait. Do you think your foot can handle you getting yourself some food?”
You open your mouth to answer him with a definite affirmative before pausing and actually thinking about it. Tentatively, you stand up and immediately collapse, your face turning ashen. Nope, no standing for the time being. Not until the scab forms. You don’t even have to say anything for Tamatoa to understand. He only has to take one look at you before he starts looking around him with a frown. When your stomach lets out another groan you look up at Lalotai’s ceiling.
“Tamatoa? Will the fish be able to see the glint of the shield from here?”
Tamatoa glances up too and frowns before shaking his head, “One of the reasons why I built my home here is because of how the ocean drops in the area where ceiling opens. It’s one of the only places in Lalotai where the ocean is close enough. Otherwise it’s too far for the light to catch the fishes’ attention. I mean can you picture it? Me walking around as I normally do with fish raining around me the entire time? No thank you, how unglamorous.”
The laugh that explodes from you is something that you haven’t experienced in a long time. Tears of amusement prick at your eyes as your mind creates the image perfectly and all too clearly. By the time you have calmed yourself down Tamatoa has three large fruits in one of his pincers. Curious you accept the proffered offering and recognize two of the fruits from your travels, well somewhat recognize, Lalotai had made hybrids of them. The first is pitaya, distinct with its spikes and colors Lalotai had dyed the outside a shockingly bright teal with spikes a vibrant orange. The other fruit, you eye with curiousness, is cherimoya, or at least that’s what you think it is. Unlike up at the surface the texture of it is fuzzy like the skin of coconut while at the same time it skin flickers with a glowing magenta light. The final fruit though, you turn it around in your hands carefully, you have never seen it before. It looked like a burr but dyed a sharp scarlet with hair that swayed in different colors. How did Tamatoa get these? He didn’t just pull them out of his shell. You glance up a view his shell dubiously, did he?
“Where did you get these?” You finally ask while rotating the fruit thoughtfully in your hands.
“Honestly, babe, one would think you’d have a better grasp on your surroundings.” Tamatoa replied with an eye roll before pointing at a tree that was spouting from somewhere above his head.
“That was not there earlier!”
“No?” Tamatoa asked before looking up in interest, “Huh, Lalotai must be busy then.” You stare up at him in confusion before he obviously takes pity on you and elaborates, “Lalotai is a pretty inhospitable place but she takes care of all of us in some way. When she decides that one of her creatures in her realm are in need she just,” he shrugged, well, as much as a crab could shrug while lying on their back, “fulfills that need.”
“You talk about her as if she were sentient.”
“She is. Just not in the way most would think.” A grumble rumbles from your stomach again and Tamatoa looks at you with exasperation, “Babe, how’s this? You eat the fruit that Lalotai has provided for your feeble and fleshy mortal-self and I’ll tell you the story about how she was created.” You nod enthusiastically and quickly wipe your blade clean before slicing open the pitaya. Stunned, you stare at the neon green flesh, a complete contrast to the usual white, before taking a tentative bite. Sweetness explodes on your tongue and you can’t help the moan of satisfaction as the juice trickles down your chin. You catch Tamato’s satisfied expression before he launches into his tale.
“First thing you must understand is that unlike the Gods and Goddesses of other legends, Lalotai is not part of their circle or realm, she’s on entirely different level because of how she came to be.” You raise your eyebrows as Tamatoa dramatically pauses to build suspension. “From shattered pieces, Lalotai, was brought into existence from Hine-nui-te-pō heart.”
Your head jerks up at that and your eyes widen, “The Goddess of night and death? The ruler of the underworld? That Hine-nui-te-pō?”
“Yes, human, that Hine-nui-te-pō.” He looks at you in amusement, “Seems like you know your legends pretty well for a non-believer.”
You shrug before opening the cherimoya, the flesh of it the same as the above world’s; however, you are taken by surprise when the flavor is not of its usual combination. Chewing it thoughtfully you try to place the new flavors before deciding that it tasted like a mixture of guava and poha berry. Sweet in the initial bite, and tart in the aftertaste. Swallowing, you glance back at Tamatoa who still hasn’t continued his story, “I may not have believed in the legends but I found them fascinating nonetheless. Are you going to continue?”
“Depends, babe, are you going to interrupt me again?” You smile brightly in response before pointedly taking another bite of your breakfast. Tamatoa sighs in mock irritation before continuing, “Anyways, eons had passed with Hine-nui-te-pō continuing with her sacred duty: providing refuge to souls after they had traveled the seas and were ready to be reborn. On a day where only a few souls had gathered to take their next step in their life she noticed a collected crying below her. Now Hine-nui-te-pō was confused at this, from her knowledge there should be nothing beneath her, but the continuous cries suggested otherwise. Gaining help from her younger sister, Mahuika, she used the flames to illuminate the saturating darkness. With the little amount of light she was able to see that huddled in wandering masses that continuously cried out, souls who were never part of the human race. Her sister and she watched as the souls would hurriedly run to where the meager amount of light shown and cry in relief from seeing that they weren’t alone in their trapped void of bottomless darkness. However, Hine-nui-te-pō’s sister couldn’t stay forever illuminating the small patch where the souls would gather. She had her own duties to fulfil. Her own souls to offer light to, so it was only Hine-nui-te-pō who would listen night after night their cries in the darkness to her.” Tamatoa broke off then and started to sing in a haunting tone that made you pause and stare wide-eyed at him in mid-bite.
“Hine-nui-te-pō, Mother of Souls, great woman of night,
Why have the Gods forbidden us light?
Lost, alone, but somehow together we move and roam
Crying as one as we search for a home.
Will you abandon us like those of before?
Cast out by Gods, abandoned to the sea floor.
Us lost and wandering without the sight of our kin
Because of your shadow you have buried us in.
Mother of Souls, Hine-nui-te-pō
Please bless the wretched things that remain of our souls.
We ask, we hope, we pray not much,
For you to envelop us in warmth of your touch.
It doesn’t have to be much just something bright
Something that won’t leave us forever in your night.”
Tamatoa came out of the song with a sorrowful draw that filled the inside of your chest with an aching loneliness. You watched as he blinked his eyes rapidly before clearing his throat uneasily, “Anyways, the souls beneath Hine-nui-te-pō sang this song day and night and every night as their sorrowful wail would reach Hine-nui-te-pō it caused a deep cold to form in her chest. When the tenth night came Hine-nui-te-pō, restless from the moans and cries of the harrowed, the moon in the sky even blotted out above her, her eyes went wide with grief from the souls that were cast out by the other Gods. With a single tear escaping her eye her heart broke and scattered below.
“From those broken shards Lalotai came to be. Born from Hine-nui-te-pō’s grief and compassion for the souls Hine-nui-te-pō’s shadow covered she encompassed all of them within in her. Lalotai, although part of Hine-nui-te-pō but separate, created a light that none of the souls had ever seen before. It was something different, unique from the world above, yet connected to Hine-nui-te-pō’s own love for them. A love that none of the other Gods had given them. She offered refuge for souls that Hine-nui-te-pō could not take and although, somewhat inhospitable due to her origin, she provided for each them the best she could. Still does,” Tamatoa’s eyes wandered back up to the tree above his head that had begun to glow with a pleasant light.
“Wow,” you breathe before sliding closer to Tamatoa to see the tree better, “I never thought of the creation of Lalotai before. In almost all the tribes I’ve visited, Lalotai was only referred to as the realm of monsters. There was no…” your voice trailed off as patch of flowers bloomed to your left. Stunned you watched as strange lights floated out of their centers and moved towards you and Tamatoa. They were fluffy, yet jellyfish like with their neon tentacles that swirled softly in the air. As they came closer, lights flickering and changing as they did, you could hear soft hum similar to the tune Tamatoa used for his song.
“Tama, what are they?” You asked before tentatively trying to stand. Tamatoa immediately placed a claw behind you for support as a dark purple one floated near. For a moment feather light tentacles brushed against your forehead before you were filled with wave of an emotion that brought tears to your eyes. As the tentacles continued to brush against your forehead you were filled with an emotion that was not your own. With a shaking a hand you reached up and brushed the top of one and are taken by surprise when the creature-like light flickers from it soft peach like color to a bright coral, teal, and purple patterned glow. It nudges against you once more before all of them had slowly fade out of existence.
With a blinding grin you turn towards Tamatoa ready to bombard him with questions of what you just experienced when a shaking rumble throws you off your feet.
9 notes
·
View notes