#i think they should kiss for no other reason than Matthias is me and i think itha is pretty

[muralconservator]

as much as I don't really like the Itha skin Matthias is in an essence with him again which is a chance to post about my rarepair that no one else cares about

[luna-writes-stuff]

Day 5: Holy Ground, Nina Zenik

Song link

Fanfic, fem!reader

Bittersweet angst, but sweet ending

Word count: 2544

Tw: LESBIANS, flashbacks, flashes too steamy times but none too explicit, this is a Nina fic but also it isn’t.

Summary: Breaking up with Nina had been painful, but not scarring. You treasured your memories with her, and you were still close friends. You were happy she was happy with Matthias. And that’s why she finds it important you find a new girlfriend as well.

“I was reminiscing just the other day, While having coffee all alone, and Lord, it took me away.”

Shared glances across the room, soft smiles exchanged through them, before falling back on your conversations with your friends. It was no secret to anyone about what happened between you and Nina. You have had some good history together; some close history, perhaps.

Yes, you and Nina had been happy together, but time required change. And though it had been difficult to let go of her, you were glad it happened. You were glad you were still able to think about your time with her as something positive, instead of heartbreaking.

The two of you still spoke and talked, not as if nothing happened, but again - none of you held a grudge. But occasionally, you could not help but wonder about what could have been if you had just decided to never let go. As you had promised her all those months ago.

“Back to a first glance feeling on New York time, Back when you fit my poems like a perfect rhyme.”

Your mind took you back to early mornings, where the sunlight shining through the windows and wake you up. Not Nina though; no. She slept through everything. Her arm would be wrapped around your waist, her head positioned against your breasts, as if it was a pillow, as her calm breath would every so often tickle your neck.

It was something that over time became so normal, but endearing nonetheless. You’d pull her even closer, your hand running through her hair as your legs would entangle with hers. A kiss placed on top of her head as she would gently stir.

Her eyes would slowly open, her hand lazily grabbing one of yours before entwining your fingers together, placing kisses on top of every single one.

“Hello, sleeping beauty,” You’d muse contentely.

“Hello, my beautiful princess,” She’d return in a sleepy voice, a grin already making its way on her face.

“Took off faster than a green light, go. Yeah, you skip the conversation when you already know.”

You’d lay there for at least thirty minutes, if not longer. Nina would often times simply fall back asleep, and sometimes you’d join her. There was something wildly comforting about holding her in your arms. You knew Nina kept a close watch on your heartbeat all night, and would always wake you up from nightmares, but your peace came not from that thought.

She was there, in your arms. As you had dreamt of for weeks, if not months - or years. Her soft cheeks, her gleaming eyes, her adorable smile and her more than loveable body. How could anyone not fall for her, you had spent night wondering.

But it mattered not, for she was with you. You were happy, gleeful actually. Almost sickening to watch, as Jesper would put it.

“I left a note on the door with a joke we'd made. And that was the first day.”

When changing, she would walk up behind you, wrapping her arms around you as she would plant light kisses on your bare shoulders, her arms warm. They were always warm. Perhaps that had been one of the primary reasons you had loved her hold on you so much.

“You’re stalling,” You mumbled, to which Nina would simply respond with a playful bite in the column of your neck.

“How could I not?” She questioned, spinning you around in her arms. “With a girlfriend as breathtaking as my own.” 

Her face neared yours, not close enough for your lips to touch, but close enough to feel the ghost of them.

“You should slow your heartbeat,” She joked, a cocky smile on her face.

“You tease.”

Pulling her closer, your hand found her cheek, your other her back, holding her as if she was your last lifeline. Your lips found hers, kissing them passionately, her hands tugging on your waist, pulling you towards her as she slowly took a couple steps back. Until her heels would touch the end of the bed.

“Kaz’ll kill us if we show up late again,” You whispered against her lips, before locking with them once more, slowly becoming more desperate. Her hands now dug into your hips, forcing you onto her lap.

“Don’t ruin the moment.” Were the last words spoken before she et herself fall down against the mattress.

“And darling, it was good Never looking down And right there where we stood Was holy ground.”

Her eyes found yours in the crowded room, offering you a little wave and that grin you had grown to love so. You would wish for all your memories with her to hurt, to let you experience that heartbreak.

But you were happy. Of course, you would have been happier with her, but you were glad she found her new life. And everything you had been through, now helped you sleep at night. You did not need to avoid her, you needn’t treat her like a stranger, and she would not be a sensitive topic when your friends brought it up.

But the way Matthias had been holding her all evening made you long. Secretly wishing that were you. It was no jealousy, it was regret. Slightly.

“Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress, We had this big wide city all to ourselves.”

“Here you go, princess.” Nina commented, sitting down on the chair in beside you, offering you your drink. You smiled at her, grabbing her hand and placing a kiss on top of it out of gratitude. The girl only laughed, shaking her head, before resting it on your shoulder.

Unfortunately, you had understood her silent question.

Grabbing the straw, you directed it towards Nina’s face, who proceeded to taste the drink. She closed her eyes in agreement, nodding contently before releasing the straw.

“Good pick,”

You hummed, now testing the drink for yourself, your empty hand finding Nina’s under the table. She squeezed it in acknowledgement, resting one leg over your lap, slowly getting comfortable.

“Tired?” You asked through a smile, to which she could only nod.

“But I want to stay here with you.”

“We blocked the noise with the sound of 'I need you' And for the first time I had something to lose.”

It had not taken longer than fifteen minutes for you to realize that, regardless of how much Nina had wanted to stay downstairs with you, she had become so exhausted, that even keeping her eyes open was failing for her. You could feel the weight on your shoulder growing heavier with every minute. And after a couple moments of consideration, you grabbed her arm, gently nudging her awake.

“Let’s go upstairs,” You whispered, trying to keep the volume down with her.

She let out a confused hum, but followed you steps nonetheless. Her head was still against your shoulder, even as you walked, and it had not been very convenient. But it was endearing.

Her hands toying with the edges of your shirt absentmindedly, doing her best to stay awake. But the second she set foot in your chamber, she collapsed onto the bed.

“And I guess we fell apart in the usual way And the story's got dust on every page.”

A satisfactory groan escaped her mouth as she grabbed your headpillow, holding it against her chest as she cuddled up to it.

“Darling,” You muttered, “You cannot go to sleep like this.”

An annoyed groan escaped her mouth, to which you could only smile softly. Sitting down beside her, your hand found her back, rubbing soothing circles on it. A low hum now escaped from her mouth, a fast improved from the earlier groan.

Slowly, your finger trailed to the back of her dress, already undoing the corset cords. She didn’t object. You both knew she was too tired to do so. Even as you had already removed the cords, she had yet to whine. Or move, for that matter.

“You’re gonna have to work with me here.” You encouraged, now undoing her zipper.

“But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now And I see your face in every crowd.”

Tiredly, she turned around, giving you the opportunity to remove her first two layers. And that’s when you gave up, simply removing your upper layers as well before settling down beside her. Both of you were placed upon the bed horizontally, but neither of you seemed to care.

You rolled towards her subconsciously, your body acting as little spoon almost immediately. Nina’s arms wrapped around you from behind, her legs finding their way between yours. Her head came to rest in the crook of your neck, a gentle kiss placed upon the skin.

Your face heated up at the notion, snuggling into her even more, your hair tickling her head.

“Night, night.” She whispered, her hand resting on top of your chest, where your heart would be. Upon the notion, your heart automatically sped up, and Nina could not help but smile as she realized she still held this effect over you.

But before you could laugh or smile about it, you felt your heartbeat slow down, a sigh of relief escaping your mouth.

“‘Night,” You returned.

“'Cause darling, it was good Never looking down And right there where we stood Was holy ground.” 

Dragging yourself from your memories, you blinked twice, still finding yourself in the crowded room you had seen earlier. And Nina and Matthias were still standing together, chatting and cuddling and everything. Your friends had busies himself, and you found yourself looking for others in the room.

Wylan was glued to the wall, his eyes scanning the crowds as well. And though you had preferred to stay alone for a moment, you found yourself walking up to him. He had not noticed you yet, but you knew he wouldn’t mind.

That was, until Jesper ran along, smiling brightly as he seemed to tell his boyfriend something. The music was drowning their sound out, but you could partly understand your conversation. Especially when the sharpshooter grasper Wylan’s hand and forced him to the dancefloor.

You were going to return to your place, until a sudden hand tugged yours, leading you to the floor as well. Though surprised, the hand felt familiar, and you followed.

“Tonight I'm gonna dance For all that we've been through But I don't wanna dance If I'm not dancing with you.”

And that’s how you found yourself dancing with Nina again. Not a memory this time; this was real. She was in front of you, grinning widely as shespun your around to the beat of the music.

“Matthias isn’t much of a dancer?” You found yourself asking to her, not a snarky remark, but a genuinely interested question.

“Not to this!” Nina shouted over the music, grabbing your hands tightly as you tried to match her pace. 

You were thankful for this moment, to still see her dancing with you, regardless of your past. And you choose to enjoy it while it lasted.

Your hands fell on her waist, swinging her side to side happily, laughing in excitement. Her dress trailed behind the two of you as you dazzled along the floor, your footsteps echoing throughout the room, even though the band was droning out every other sound. For you, it was simply you and Nina now.

“Tonight I'm gonna dance Like you were in this room But I don't wanna dance If I'm not dancing with you.”

You were out of breath when the music ended, and the two of you froze on the floor, simply smiling to one another. Nina spotted something over your shoulder and started snickering silently, turning back to you. 

A confused frown passed over your face, silently asking her to elaborate. She just winked, drawing you closer.

“Red hair, yellow corset, green skirt. Behind you. Don’t stare.” And with that, she twirled you around, giving you time to look around, before returning you to her hold.

“She has been nothing but stare at you all night,” She urged, now letting go of you. “She’s cute.”

Your face heated up at the remark, unable to fight the goofy grin climbing onto your face. 

“You should go for it.”

And with that, she placed a kiss on your forehead, walking back to Matthias, who had found himself in a conversation with the bartender, who seemed to desperately try to get away.

“It was good Never looking down And right there where we stood Was holy ground.”

The rest of the night was filled with talk with the girl Nina had pointed out to you, and - truth be told - she was an absolute darling; too kind for words. In a dumb effort to try to make yourself known to her, you talked about Nina. And you may have mentioned how you still missed her.

But she was understanding. Patient. It was almost too good to be true. It wasn’t until she mentioned a similar situation that you loosened up around her.

Nina had swung by once, checking up on you. But as she noticed your hand itching toward the girl’s, something you had always done with Nina. And she knew you would end up alright. Gut feelings would always win.

“Tonight I'm gonna dance For all that we've been through But I don't wanna dance If I'm not dancing with you.”

When you found yourself back in your room that night, you silently laughed to yourself. Thankful to have some form of closure on Nina. Thankful that you were still able to hang out. But more specifically, thankful for her helping you get out there.

And what a luck you had gotten that night. Not only were you ensured of a date with the pretty woman, but for the first time since your breakup, you felt fulfilled. Content and happy. About the way things ended, and the way things still were.

With a big smile, you opened your window, letting the music from the bar down the street fill your room as well. The cheers and chats of people were still heard, but it was the music that now soothed your senses.

“Tonight I'm gonna dance Like you were in this room.”

You found yourself repeating the steps you and Nina had danced that night. It might have looked weird were anyone to look into your room from the street, but you could not care less.

You could still feel the ghost of Nina’s touch lingering on your body, and you could almost swear you smell her perfume, but it left the minute you realized it. Coming to a sudden halt, you turned to the window, finding the girl from the bar looking at you with a smile, offering you a wave when she noticed you saw her.

“Sorry!” She called from the street, a blush forming on her face.

You leaned your arms against the windowsill, shrugging at her. 

“It’s okay!”

A silence filled the air, and you could see the hesitation on the girl’s eyes. Smiling at her, you leaned back slightly, making up your mind. No time for past, only the future.

“Want to come in?”

“But I don't wanna dance If I'm not dancing with you.”

[wordsinheavyblue]

If the Crows were to crash a Desi wedding

A thread

Thank you so much, @theburntromantic, for reading this first and suggesting me ideas! Ily

Jesper

It was obviously his and Nina's plan, your honour

‌grabs everything in his plate only to leave the food in between to go dance

‌Star of the dance floor

‌"Jihne Mera Dil luteya" to Wylan's "Oho"

‌first one to get drunk

‌Makes bets with old uncles who are also tipsy like him

‌loses all of his money and makes Kaz win it back; one glare and all of them return Jesper's money

‌flirts with the groom's horse when he thinks no one is watching

‌introduces Wylan as his sugar daddy to every stranger who's got questions

Wylan

is hesitant at first but once he joins Jesper on the dance floor, all is forgotten

He and Nina scare away all the homophobic aunties and uncles who have nothing better to do than to gossip

‌"You want something to gossip? I'll give you something to gossip!" *kisses Jesper on the mouth as Nina hoots*

‌first one to sing during the bride's vidai and complains about the lack of piano

‌is the fan favourite of the kids ever since he burst crackers with them during the groom's entry

‌pays and gifts for the couple's honeymoon tickets as Jesper gasps. "Is this not enough? Should I have bought something else?" "Why don't you pay for their wedding as well, merchling?" "Oh, okay." "NOOOOOO."

Nina

complains about the absence of waffles

‌"What kind of wedding doesn't have waffles?"

‌is thrilled with the amount of sweets present and keeps sending Matthias to refill her plate

‌is the best dressed and the bride is envious of her

‌she was caught flirting with the bride

‌randomly goes to anyone and everyone and pretends that they have been lifelong best friends

‌Accidentally lied being the best friend of an old guy's wife only to found out he never married. That was awkward...

‌somehow brings every conversation towards Kaz's hair and makes the other person insult it

‌makes sure Inej has eaten properly

‌vows with Inej to only get married to her as Matthias watches with a sigh

‌sobs on Inej's shoulder during the vidai

‌"Nina, you don't even know her."

‌"But it's still so heartbreaking" *sobs* "I'm never leaving you Inej."

‌instigates young girls to "fuck the patriarchy" and asks them "why can't the groom live with the bride? Why does she have to leave her house?"

Matthias

Nina's chaperone

‌when not busy bringing food for Nina, he can be found quarreling about politics with an older guy

‌picks flowers from the decorations and hands them to Nina, who asks him to put them in her hair

‌abstains from drinking and will be the one driving them back

‌"Weak." Complains about the groom arriving on a horse instead of having a wolf by his side.

‌"Don't blame me if this marriage fails because he didn't have a wolf." Inej has to explain it to him that it's a tradition.

‌whines about going back home since he has to wake up early but is ignored

‌is enrolled by the bride's family to carry around tonnes of things for obvious reasons

‌CK AND ROW SPOILERS- "Jihne meinu maar suteya" to Joran's "Oho" T_T

Kaz

didn't even want to come but Inej made him

‌has no recollection of what happened at the wedding and his eyes are glued to Inej

‌a four-years-old child ran into him by mistake and he lectured the child's parents on good parenting

‌has the groom's shoes already hidden while the bride's family finds it in confusion

‌Inej makes him return the shoes and doesn't even let him get any money for it

‌would've gotten thrown out of the wedding if it weren't for Inej

‌the only person to be wearing black on an Indian wedding

‌when an auntie jokes if he's here to attend a funeral, he deadpans, "yes, yours."

‌secretly steals flowers to give them to Inej at home

Aunties simp over him and Matthias and they try to set up their daughters with them. Kaz is disgusted and Matthias is terrified for his life.

Inej

One of her knives is used to cut the ribbon used for the groom's entry

‌Nina makes her perform a classical dance as everyone watches her in awe

‌Girls join her soon after and they all perform together

‌wore a dark green traditional saree to the wedding that left Kaz speechless

‌already knows what the received gifts are and cringes at a set of used dinner set

Receives blessings by everyone at the wedding. EVERYONE.

Is the only one at the wedding with the sense to feed the horse

‌reminisces of her father's words once the vidai takes place and wipes a lone tear from her eye

‌catches Kaz staring at her then and they have a silent conversation. A week later, they get secretly married.

‌is the photographer's muse; the camera gets stolen at the end of the night by God knows who :)

[onlymexsarah]

Jealousy || Jesper Fahey

Request: "hey i saw your requests were open and i was wondering if you could write something with jesper? maybe with him being jealous of everyone that flirts with the reader or something like that lol, i just want jealous jesper. you are amazing btw i love your kaz’s stories!! <3"

Pairing: Jesper Fahey x reader

Warning: just flirt and my english :)

A/N: Thank you sweety! I'm so happy you liked it, and I hope you are gonna like this too! I'm sorry if it's short, but I have to admit I've never written something about Jepser nor I've never thought about him in that way, and it was a funny challenge, hope you'll appreciated what I've written❤

Working for Kaz Brekker meant that your life was in danger six days on seven when the luck was on your side, but that didn't stop you from having fun.

Not only you were part of the dregs, but you also were Nina's best friend, and that meant that no woman and no man had any chance to say no to you, not when you flirted with them.

It wasn't a secret that you loved fun, and just like Nina and Jesper you loved having people's eyes on you. Kaz knew that the three of you could easily flirt your way out from any trouble if needed to.

"Green or red?" you asked Nina with two dress in your hands.

"Have you seen yourself in the mirror? Definitely green." she answered without looking, she was too focus tailoring her makeup in the mirror.

From the high of his ruthlessly, Kaz Brekker had given to all of you the free night, and you had decided to go out with your friends and have fun.

"Still try to make Jesper admitting his feelings?" asked Nina while you brushed your hair.

"Jesper is Jesper, he flirts with everyone. If he doesn't a move, then there is an entire city that is waiting to do it." you said with more confident than you felt. Jesper Fahey was the boy who had fucked up your mind since the beginning, with his witty remarks and his flirty personality, you had fell for him as a kruge fell in Kaz's pocket.

You didn't want to have to go and console yourself with strangers, but at the same time you couldn't wait Jesper forever.

Nina chuckled helping you with your hair and then walking with you downstairs. "Let see if we can find a worthy partner for you, Y/n."

They reached Matthias and Jesper outside the Slat; you had the suspect that Inej would have stayed sat on Kaz's window all night keeping him company.

Matthias had to shut Jesper's mouth when you girls arrived. He was devouring you with his eyes and the Fjerdan couldn't hold a smirk.

Damn it. Did you plan to seduce all Ketterdam that night? Because he would easily surrender at you.

When you approached he composed himself. "I can't decide if you look amazing in that dress or if you'd look better without it."

He winked and saw a little blush on your cheek, but if you were shy you hid it very well with a sly smirk. "I guess you're gonna have to see yourself."

"It's a primise then." he said before the four of you started walking around the streets of Ketterdam.

Your relationship had always been like that. Jesper couldn't deny that his comments had become more true and spontaneous, he couldn't help it, and it was hilarious for the people around you, because it was oblivious how you both felt toward each other for everyone but you.

"Love, I don't think we can afford a table here." Matthias said to Nina once they stopped in front of one of the most fancy pub in Ketterdam.

"Leave me and Y/n deal with that." she winked taking your arm with hers and bringing you at the counter where the owner, a beautiful Kaelish woman, stood.

Jesper stayed at the door with Matthias looking you and Nina flirting with the woman. He saw how her eyes were on you while you giggled and smiled at her. He couldn't hear what you were saying, but it seemed that it was working because now the woman had her arms rested on the counter, her face close to yours.

"Hard, isn't it?" asked knowingly Matthias beside him. "See the girl you like flirting with someone else and obliviously being reciprocated."

"They are Nina and Y/N, they always do...that" Jepser said waving his hands in the air to point you girls. "You are the one who find it strange."

"Maybe you are right, but it's one of the things I love about her. But still, it's not a shame admitting you are jealous...I am too."

He didn't have time to answer that you and Nina arrived with two huge smiles on. I am not jealous. "Guess who has a table as a gift of the house?"

"We do, don't we?" asked Jesper excited.

"Yes! Come." you said taking his arm and bringing him at the table with Nina and Matthias behind you.

"You have to thanks Y/n, she did all the work. The owner couldn't take off her eyes from her as she talked." said Nina smirking as Jesper shifted on his seat.

"I was lucky she liked my accent." you waved your hand in the hand as it was nothing.

Nina chuckled. "More like she wanted to hear you moaning with your accent in her bedroom."

Jesper and Matthias choked themself with their drinks while you started laughing. "At least my beautiful accent gave us a table and free drinks."

You enjoyed the night, drinking and dancing. Jesper knew that people flirted with you everyday, but he thought that someone was pranking him that night. Every time he turned around someone was talking with you, making you giggle or blush. He was getting crazy.

Couldn't they just...walk away?

He moved closer to you at some point and took you into a conversation everytime he saw someone approaching.

You noticed that something annoyed Jesper, but you couldn't figure out what. You all were having fun, even if with your disbelief he hadn't danced with anyone but you. Was he ill?

"I'll go and take two drinks, stay here dove." he said in your ear walking away and disappearing behind the crowd.

You stayed there for while when a young man of few years older than you approached smiling. "You must be the star of the night because no one is shining like you."

You tried your best to not laugh. "And you must be in the wrong place, the circus in on the other side of the city."

"Ouch, pretty and quick-witten. A letal combination." he said amused.

You shrugged. "What can I say, Ketterdam made me."

You two kept talking about silly things keeping the flirt in the air. He was the one more eager, you were just waiting Jesper but the company of a pretty man wasn't bad at all.

You were laughing at one of his joke when an arm took your waist and squeezed you. "Piss off dude, she is with me."

You watched Jesper with widened eyes as he burned the man with his eyes.

"She didn't seem so to me." said the man annoyed.

"Well sorry to disappoint you. Now go away if you don't want trouble."

"Jesper!" you didn't know what was happening. You had been talking with people all night and he hadn't said a word, so why now was different?

"It's fine, I'll go." you and Jesper remained alone and he looked like nothing happened.

"Drink?" he said offering you one glass.

You shoke your head astonished and walked away toward the door. You needed fresh air and stay as far away as possible from him.

"Y/n!" you heard his voice behind you but you didn't care. What was wrong with him? He had never had such behaviour in none of your nights out. "Y/n wait!" He followed you outside, the drinks forgotten somewhere inside. "Tell me what's wrong."

"What was that?" you asked crossing your arm in front of your chest.

"What was what?" he said confused making you rolling your eyes.

"You were...rude. You had no reason to threat him like you did."

You could see in his eyes that he didn't know what to say. He looked for an good lie but it was hard under your inquisitors eyes. "Y-you were suppose to be with me!"

"So? That never stopped you from finding other partners." you raised an eyebrow obliviously.

He gave a quick look around, as if something could help him, but when his eyes fell on you again he knew he had to tell the true otherwise he could loose you.

"I was annoyed, alright? All those people flirting with you, saints I couldn't even turn around a moment that someone had already approached you." he agitated his hands in the air while you widened your eyes.

"Why should it bother you anyway?" you asked defensive.

He looked at you astonished, as if you were asking why the water was wet. "Because I like you! Hadn't been oblivious enough these past months?!" Now your mouth was a bit hopen, speechlees. He seemed to notice what he had said after few seconds. "Oh...it would be too late saying that it's not true, wouldn't it?"

You nodded quickly. "Yes, definitely too late."

"Well, you weren't suppose to find out like this. I had planned something like a date, maybe with some candles and a good view, but I guess that in front of a pub in the Barrel sounds fine too." he tried to joke shrugging while you were still processing his words.

"You are still in time, the night is not over for that date." you sounded casual but you couldn't hold your smile while you said it.

He looked at you surprised before smiling like a child. "Let's tell Nina and Matthias we are leaving then."

You walked inside the pub, both smiling like idiots, before you felt a hand on you wrist that turned you around and a pair of soft lips on yours. Jesper was kissing you while he kept you close with his right hand on your waist and the other on your cheek, and you didn't think twice about putting your hands behind his neck.

"I have to make sure no one will flirt with you again tonight." he said seductively with a smirk a few inches from your mouth making you blush.

[thebadgerclan]

Little One

Pairing: Matthias Helvar x reader

Requested by Anonymous

Summary: Your little one will be here any day now...

sötnos-sweetheart, kärlek-love, fru-Mrs., älskling-darling

The name of yours Matthias’ child means “goddess of springtime”

A/N: MATTHIAS AS A DAD IS GOOD SHIT, WE WERE ROBBED

“Just what do you think you’re doing, sötnos?”  Your husband’s voice made you freeze in your tracks, and you sighed.  You were pregnant, due to give birth any day now, and Matthias was insistent you remained in bed.  “I do not want you straining yourself, love,” he reasoned.  “Our little one will be here any day now.”  But you were bored, wanting to see something other than the wall of your bedroom, so you tried to do simple things around the house.  You weren’t going to scrub the floor on hands and knees, but you could tidy the sitting room and the like.

But Matthias wasn’t having it, herding you back into bed each time he found you up and about.  Today was your 5th attempt, and as you’d expected, your husband found you within minutes.  “Just getting some water, darling.”  Matthias came to your side, taking your hands in his.  “You should ask me to get it for you, my love,” he said, concern on his face.  “You need to be resting.”  “Matthias, I’m bored,” you said.  “I have looked at nothing but the same four walls for a week!”

One of his hands came to rest on your belly, swollen with your child.  “I only want you to be safe, and our little one…”  “I know, kärlek.  I can move about the house, Matthias.  I won’t push myself, I promise.”  He considered for a moment, nodding.  “I suppose.  But I will never be more than a room away.”  You pulled him down into a kiss, as you couldn’t go on your tiptoes with your belly.  “Thank you, my love,” you said, kissing him again, before waddling your way into the kitchen.

***

An hour later, you were standing at the window in the kitchen, a cup of tea in your hand.  It felt good to stand after what felt like an eternity in bed, but as you gazed at your small yard, a rippling pain washed through your abdomen.  You placed a hand on your bump, brows knitting together.  Another wave of pain, this one stabbing, accompanied by a gush between your legs, made you cry out, leaning on the counter.  

“Matthias!” you cried, voice panicked.  “Matthias!”  He was in the room immediately, looking shaken.  “Y/N, my love, what-”  “The baby’s coming.”  He paled, face ghostly white.  “Djel, oh Djel.  I have you, let’s get you in bed.”  He came to your side, wrapping your arm around him and helping you get back to the bedroom.  Matthias eased you onto the mattress, frantically fluffing pillows and arranging sheets.  Another pain, and you moaned, making Matthias’ blood run cold.

“Darling?” he asked, and you gripped his hand.  “The doctor, Matthias, get the doctor.”  Every instinct in him told him not to leave your side, but you squeezed his hand.  “I will be fine for a moment, go!”  “Y-yes, the doctor.”  He flew from the room, leaving you alone.  The doctor you’d chosen had been staying with a neighbor for the past week, awaiting your labor.  Matthias pounded on the door, about to tear it from its hinges, when the doctor opened it.

“It’s time,” he said, completely out of breath.  “The baby, it’s coming.”  The doctor nodded, grabbing the bag that sat by the door.  He nodded, following Matthias back to your house and into the bedroom.  You were sweating, whimpering in pain, clutching the sheets at your side.  “Fru Helvar,” he greeted, opening his bag, setting up his tools.  “Are we ready to have a baby?”  You nodded, smiling though your teeth were grit.  “Matthias, if you could fetch some towels?”

In an instant, Matthias was setting a stack of clean towels at the doctor's side.  He pulled a chair to the side of the bed, taking your hand in his, kissing it sweetly.  “Y/N, may I examine you?”  “Yes,” you consented, parting your legs for the doctor.  He pushed your nightdress over your knees, beginning his examination.  Matthias disliked another man seeing you in such a way, but he knew it was necessary, and that this doctor was simply doing his job.

“She is progressing well,” he said, righting your nightgown.  “It will be painful, I will not lie, but I estimate in an hour or so, you will have your little one.  “O-only an hour?” Matthias asked, panc seeping into his voice, and the doctor nodded.  “Yes.  Y/N seems to be laboring rather quickly.”  “Sweet Djel,” Matthias swore, feeling like he could faint.  Internally, he was absolutely freaking out, panic at impending fatherhood setting in.  But on the outside, he was calm, he knew he needed to be.

A contraction hit you, and you grimaced, squeezing Matthias’ hand so hard, he thought bones might have broken.  “Breathe, my dear,” he encouraged, remembering the classes you’d attended.  “Good, you’re doing  so well.”  You labored for two hours, moaning in pain, clenching Matthias’ hands, breathing deeply, and swearing to Djel that you would never have sex again.  Matthias laughed, knowing that was a lie, but saying nothing.  When you asked, he helped you into different positions: squatting at the foot of the bed, on all fours on the bed, helping you walk round the house.

And when the doctor examined you and said it was time to push, Matthis felt like he could be sick.  But he sat at your side, clasping your hand in his, dabbing your forehead with a cool cloth, and whispering words of love and encouragement to you.  You were crying out the pain you felt, face red with exertion, trembling as you pushed.  After 30 minutes, the doctor announced that the baby was crowning, and Matthias kissed your forehead.

“You’re almost there, my love,” he said.  “You’ve done so well, Y/N, you can do this.”  “Matthias,” you whined, tears falling from your eyes.  “I can’t.”   “Yes you can, my darling.  You can do this; you have carried this child for 9 months, and you can bring them into the world.  Come on, älskling, let’s meet our little one.”  You pushed, nearly screaming, head falling back onto the pillows.  “Again,” the doctor instructed, and you obeyed pushing again, feeling an intense burning sensation between your legs.

“Once more.”  “You can do this, Y/N, my strong wife.”  You pushed one more time, letting out a sob when a shrill wail filled the room.  Your baby was here, and Matthias embraced you, pressing a kiss to your lips.  “I am so proud of you, Y/N,” he said, crying himself.  “So proud.”  The doctor cleaned your child off, placing them in your arms.  “A girl,” he announced.  “Congratulations.”  He shook Matthias’ hand before exiting the bedroom, leaving you with your family.

“We have a daughter,” you said, tears falling, but tears of joy.  “Our little girl.”  Matthias was in awe, completely enamored with the infant in your arms.  “I have never been more in love,” he said, voice sounding far away, as if in a dream.  “My love, you have given me my greatest gift.  Djel has given us so many blessings.”  You smiled, and Matthias moved to sit on the bed with you, and you leaned into his chest.

“What will we name her?”  The answer was immediate: “Maja,” Matthias said, and you nodded.  “Maja, our little girl.”  Matthias was overjoyed, feeling like Djel had taken him home to the waters.  “My darling, I love you so much.  I love our family.  Maja, your Papa loves you more than you will ever know.  I will protect you with everything I am.  I swear to you, nothing will ever harm you so long as I am breathing.”

[adxmparriish]

and now I see daylight - read on ao3

writer: lizziebxnnet / godgavemelou  word count: 2.1k rating: general

Matthias only sees Nina.

Her head is thrown back, exposing the milky skin of her throat as she laughs. To Matthias, it’s like the sound of bells ringing, a bird singing. It’s the sound of magic, the music he refused to listen to before; before he’d met her.

OR four times Matthias thinks about how much he loves Nina, and the one time he tells her.

They’re sitting around a table in Wylan’s house.

It’s fairly quiet. The room is lit low, a yellow tint that comes from the candles on the table. Everyone is there tonight for once. Even Kaz sits among them, taking time away from the Crow Club. Wylan is telling a wayward story about a bomb he’s testing, arms flailing as he describes the explosion. Nina is leaned back in her chair, a sweet bun in her hands as she listens. Her hair is down, curls falling around her shoulders. She’s wearing a deep red dress that brings out the pink in her cheeks that appears when she’s happy.

Wylan gets to the climax of his story, his hands smacking the table, his voice taking up all the space in the room. Everyone has managed a laugh, aside from Kaz who’s lips have quirked into the smallest of grins. It doesn’t matter though. Matthias only sees Nina.

Her head is thrown back, exposing the milky skin of her throat as she laughs. To Matthias, it’s like the sound of bells ringing, a bird singing. It’s the sound of magic, the music he refused to listen to before; before he’d met her. Her giggles grasp his heart in an iron-clad grip, squeezing so hard it’s difficult to breathe. He knows he’s staring but he can’t look away from her, can’t imagine ever seeing something so beautiful. When she’s finally calmed down, her bright green eyes meet his. They glisten and shine, twinkling in the firelight as she smiles at him. Matthias knows he should smile back but he can’t. He’s too entranced by her to do anything but look back at her. Looking into her face is like looking directly into the sun, the brightness of daylight.

Her hand meets his leg under the table, squeezing his thigh gently. Her affection used to scare him, rattle him, shake him. Now he welcomes her. 

Matthias can hear conversion around him but it doesn’t matter. Nina is looking at him like he hung the moon, and the thing is, he’d do it for her. 

“Want to share the last of my sticky bun?” she asks, raising her brow, a smile still playing at her mouth.

Instead of an answer, he leans in and snatches it from her fingers with his teeth, nipping at her as he does. Nina laughs again, giggles overtaking her. He knew she would, knew that him acting out of turn would please her, and frankly, it’s the only reason he did it. He’d do anything to see her this way; eyes dancing, nose crinkled, cheeks red. She’s ethereal, breathtaking, a vision, and he loves her.

--

They’re huddled around a table at the Crow Club.

Matthias is watching from the side as Nina plays a card game with Jesper. There are a few other patrons as well. Neither of his friends is doing well, a fair bit of kruge lost between them. As they continue to play, Nina grows more frustrated. 

Her face grows redder as the cards are dealt, another hand is lost, another bit of kruge out of her hands. She gets lazy in her efforts, anger making her sloppy with her decisions. She loses another hand and grinds her teeth. Matthias thinks of stepping in, telling her they should go to their room, try again tomorrow.

Before he can get that far, Nina is standing up from the table, throwing down her cards in fury. A rough man at the table reaches up and grabs her by the waist, attempting to pull her back down.

“Now now gorgeous, let’s just calm down,” he grins cruelly.

Matthias is moving, his fits already curled and poised to hit, to beat this man senseless, break his hands so he can never touch Nina again. He’s too late. Nina’s hands are raised, her fingers curling, and then the man falls. His head crashes against the table, his cards falling to the floor. Her eyes are aflame, a burning behind them that halts Matthias in his tracks. Her chest heaves, breaths coming in ragged. Even as she lifts her eyes, meeting his gaze and simmering down, she is a fire burning brightly in the dimly lit room. A sort of silence has drifted over them as he watches her, wondering if he should approach.

Jesper stands from the table, abandoning the game.

“We’re done for tonight, Nina.” He sounds like he’s terrified, while also fighting off a laugh. 

Matthias moves closer but doesn’t touch, just waits for her to come down. Nina isn’t difficult to rouse, her anger never coming over a simmer even at the worst of times. But when it boils over, fiery red flames catching and burning, she’s a sight to behold. She’s an explosion, an earthquake, violent and powerful, and he loves her.

--

They’re standing in a small field outside of Ketterdam.

Nina is kneeling down in the grass, her hands shaking as she sets down their dog, cradling his head as she does.

They hadn’t had Gestinge long. Matthias and Nina found him as a small puppy, roaming the streets alone, barely alive. Nina loved him immediately, begging Matthias to let her have him, for them to raise him. They weren’t technically allowed a dog where they were staying, but when Nina looked up at him, the green of her eyes wet with tears as she held the puppy close, he couldn’t say no. He was perfect for them.

They named him after the Fjerdan word for paradise because that’s what he was. He brought them peace on easy days, happiness on the hard ones, and laughter in all the times in between. Matthias was stuck trying to train him, while Nina fed him treats and cuddled with him in her favorite chair. He would watch them together, walking down the streets of the city, and feel a warmth in his chest that was unmatched by anything else. In a way, they were his family, and it was perfect. It was all he’d ever wanted.

Today was a crack in their paradise.

Matthias found him in an alley behind the Crow Club, bleeding from a wound that they’re sure came from another animal. He carried him home carefully, tears threatening to spill over. He worried for Gestinge, wanted him to be okay more than anything. But he worried for Nina, too. He worried she’d take it too hard, worried that she might find a way to blame herself. She’d been the one to let the dog out to wander, as they typically did during the day. Now Gestinge was hurt, and Matthias knew he wouldn’t make it. 

Now, he digs a hole in the soft grass as Nina kneels beside him, too upset to help. Her eyes leak tears as she watches him. When he’s finished, they lower their puppy into the makeshift grave. The sun shines down on them as they stand over the hole in the ground, Matthias gripping Nina’s hand in his own. He gives it a squeeze and looks at her, unsure what he should say.

Her eyes are red-rimmed and swollen. Her hair is a mess, tangled where she can’t stop running her hands through it. Her lip quivers, and when she finally looks back at him, the hurt in her face breaks Matthias’ heart. She’s tragedy and unease, sadness in a way he’s never seen before, and he vows to keep that look off of her forever. The trembling of her hands, the slouching of her shoulders, causes a deep hurt in Matthias that he hates. 

As she says a final goodbye, he lifts their intertwined hands, kisses her knuckles, and tries his best to give her a reassuring smile. Like the sun breaking through the clouds after days of rain, she slowly smiles back and she’s radiant. Even through the hurt, through the pain of losing something she loves, she is gorgeous, as bright as the sunshine beaming down on them, and he loves her.

--

They’re standing intertwined in the darkness of Kaz’s office.

Nina’s arms are looped around Matthias’ neck. She’s on her tiptoes as she leans into him, their bodies so close there’s no air between them. Her back is arched, her head thrown back, as Matthias kisses her neck. She practically purrs when he lowers his hands, gripping her thighs so he can lift and hold her against the door.

Their only soundtrack is the little noises Nina makes in the back of her throat, Matthias’s groans as he kisses her, the creak of the door, the crowd in the Club growing restless around their games. He can feel her pulse pounding under her skin as they kiss in the dark.

Then, the knob shakes and the door tries to move.

“I know you’re in there,” Kaz mutters through the door, shaking the handle again. “Don’t make me get Inej to force you both out.”

Nina giggles from under Matthias, red blossoming on her cheeks at them getting caught.

“Five minutes,” she replies.

Nina looks up, deep green meeting bright blue. Her lip is trapped between her teeth as she smiles. She’s flushed from her hair to her neck. Everything about her is messy and lewd. Her pupils are blown wide beneath the darkness of her lashes as she looks up at him. Her lips are shiny and red from their kisses, from Matthias’ teeth, and her own nipping at them. Matthias’s heart flutters in his chest at the sight of her like this. She is desire reincarnate, a rose blooming in the warmth of summer, a burst of light in a dark world. 

He leans down and captures her mouth with his own, pouring every feeling he holds close into the kiss. He can feel her lips curving into a smile against his own. He holds her impossibly closer, gripping her so tight in his hands he’s sure he’ll leave bruises. She breathes his name into his mouth, so much passion in the word that he’s sure he’ll break apart. Nina is perfect and beautiful, and everything alluring in the world, and he loves her.

--

They’re laying in their bed.

Their limbs are tangled under a heavy blanket. Nina is sleeping soundly, her curls fanning across the pillow. Her chest rises and falls slowly, a tiny snore escaping her every once in a while. The golden light of sunrise is coming through their window. It touches her face gently, the warmth making her glow. Matthias’s chest aches as he lays there watching her.

He runs his fingers through her messy hair as the sun continues to rise. Part of him wants to go back to sleep, to get the rest he really needs, but he can’t look away. He only sees her, her beauty radiating through their room like the light streaming through their curtains. 

When he can no longer just look at her, he leans down and kisses her forehead. 

At this, she stirs. Her forehead creases, her eyelids flutter, and the green of her eyes are hazy as she wakes up. She looks at him through the fog of early morning and he’s breathless. He lifts his hand and cradles her cheek, his thumb caressing the skin of her cheek. Nina’s eyes begin to adjust but she simply looks back at him, her eyelids threatening to close again. Not from sleep, but from pleasure, from desire.

She is beautiful. She is his everything. She is the sun that rises and sets. She’s the stars in the night sky, lightning and thunder exploding in the sky during a storm, the grass that grows in the cracks of the sidewalks. She’s the stillness of the morning, the excitement of the night, the ease of midday. Nina is the breath in his lungs, the warmth in his heart, and everything else in between. Matthias loves her. So he tells her.

He whispers it against her mouth as he kisses her. He breathes it against the skin of her throat. He sighs the words as he holds her close, his arms pulling her against him. He gasps it when Nina is finally fully awake and pushes him against the bed, kissing him with all the fierceness inside her. He recants it over and over, like an enchantment, like a prayer, like a curse. Matthias loves her. 

And like a miracle, Nina loves him in return. 

She says it in the way she grabs his hand when she’s happy. She says it in the way she shares her food with him, even when she doesn’t want to. She shows him when she laughs at him, or with him, depending on the circumstance. She tells him when she crawls in their bed at night, when she leans into his embrace, and when she lays her head on his shoulder.

But now, she says it with her words.

“I love you,” she whispers. 

The sun has fully risen, the sunlight of a new day beaming on her, and she glows like a lighthouse, guiding Matthias home.

“I love you, my little red bird.”

[desidarling123]

Reviewing the Grishaverse Couples (Canon and Non-Canon/Alternate Universe) just because I can, here we go:

These are not based *strictly* on the books, but rather the Netflix show, which appears to have spawned ✨all the ships✨ as of late.

DISLAIMER: I don't hate any ships! And I won't tolerate any slander. Creativity is the core to all fandoms, and that's what shipping (canon or otherwise) is ultimately all about. Cool? Cool.

CANON COUPLES:

Darkling/Alina aka DARKLINA: What I came for TBH, though not necessarily what kept me watching through the end (damn you, episode 5! you got me so confused! ahhh but also corruption arc for Alina? hmmmm) Jessie and Ben have chemistry in spades, and Ben emotes well for an ancient asshat. These two have great fic potential.

Mal/Alina aka MALINA: Sweet! A little boring to me initially tbh, but much better on rewatch. They are each other's safe haven, and there's something really lovely about that. I like them together.

Kaz/Inej aka KANEJ: GOD TIER. THEY'VE RUINED EVERYTHING ELSE FOR ME. NOTHING EVEN COMES CLOSE. THE FUCKING PINING BITCH. HE LOVES HER. SO SO MUCH. 1000000000/10.

Full disclosure: I came for Darklina, but stayed for Kanej. And, at this rate, will happily suffer countless seasons where the most they do is maybe hold hands but also Netflix please let them heal their trauma together and kiss at least once for my poor shipper heart PLEASE

Nina/Matthias aka HELNIK: They're cute. Almost a little too on-the-nose with the tropes for me, personally, but the actors make it work.

Jesper/Stable Boy: Honestly? Good for Jesper. The only person on the show who actually managed to get laid onscreen. He deserves it.

Genya/David: Also very cute, though they don't necessarily occupy much brain space. I like that David is this awkward little dork but he's just. So good for Genya. It's very pure and she really needs that.

Darkling/Zoya: Zoya, baby, you deserve better. That said, I wish the show had explored their backstory a bit more. These two would clearly put the T in toxic (Aleksander largely being the one to blame here, of course).

Ivan/Feydor: As someone else put it, these two can be summarized simply by -- be gay and do crimes. They're real cute. If only they weren't Team Darkling.

NON-CANON/ALTERNATE UNIVERSE:

AKA time for some ✨multishipper controversy✨

Darkling/Inej aka DARKEJ: I am extremely biased since I've written for them, but honestly? I would like to convert you all. This pairing has POTENTIAL. The sinner and the saint, the immortal and the ordinary. Also they both have this elegant, shadowy grace to them. Bonus points? Kaz getting a whiff of this nonsense and meticulously planning how to cut up Aleksander into a million tiny little pieces lol.

Darkling/Kaz aka DARKAZ: Sexy. So so sexy. Not in a physical sense (for obvious reasons' on Kaz' end, unless you go AU with that aspect, too) but more a battle of brains. Would inevitably end with Kaz slitting the Darkling's throat, somehow as he should, lmao.

Kaz/Alina aka KAZALINA: I didn't understand this, initially. They barely interacted and Kaz seemed more the type to drag Alina by the kefta than woo her. However, I saw a bunch of people on TikTok attacking someone who made a fantastic AU video edit, (and by a bunch I mean at least two attack videos amassing 10K+ likes total) -- so now I ship it purely out of spite, LOL. It only works in an AU where Inej doesn't exist or Kanej is somehow still endgame, but you know what? The saint and the nonbeliever has some potential. I dig it.

Kaz/Jesper aka KESPER: There's some basis for it in the books. I do prefer them as friends (and come on! Wylan!) but again, I get it.

Jesper/Inej: I... want whatever y'all are smoking bc it must be AMAZING (I kid, I kid). While I can't fully claim to understand it, I love both characters, want nothing but the best for them, and am not entirely opposed to it given the right premise. And Jesper did say he'd kill a man for Inej pretty much without hesitation...

Kaz/Jesper/Inej: OT3 vibes. I haven't read anything with these three just yet but I think, done right, it could be absolutely perfect.

Inej/Alina: I feel like Inej's piety would actually get in the way of a true relationship but I think it's cute as a one-sided crush, Inej on Alina.

Mal/Inej: This one is probably the most random of the Inej ships, but I'm team "Give Inej All The Love" so I'll let this one slide. Also, Amita and Archie low-key have crazy chemistry off-set so again. I get it.

Mal/Kaz: ... does this even exist? Lol I think Mal would definitely drive Kaz up the goddamn wall

Mal/Darkling: Objectively hilarious to me on several counts LMAO (that fight scene at the end of episode 8 PLS). BUT there's a fine line between love and hate... maybe it's not Alina they were after but each other all along

Alina/Genya: Again, god-tier. Also, makes Genya's later betrayal of Alina extra tasty in my opinion. So yeah, add in a dash of heartbreak why not?!?

Alina/Zoya: Enemies to lovers excellence. Though Zoya clearly has some internalized self-hatred to work through (baby WHAT was that half-breed comment?), I don't hate it. Maybe some day...

[ninaahelvar]

Power Over Me

Summary: Nina is an annoying Grisha brat, Matthias wants to put her in her place. Let’s see how far that goes. 

AO3

A/N: I wrote this series as a sort of “what could have been” thing? I was originally going to release this as just one fic with multiple chapters, but you know what? i wanted to post something so it's now a series and these are individual fics You can think that each takes place in this ‘different version’ or just stand alone fics of moments that these two reek of sexual tension. Anyway. I do hope you enjoy.

ALSO; this is basically dedicated to @warrenslayla who implanted this idea in my head and i just...had to write it. 

The Drüsje that had ordered him about and now sat naked wrapped in furs on the bed was driving Matthias to the brink of insanity. He stripped down, wrapping one of the heavy furs around his waist and jumped in beside her. It would have been fine if she didn’t make him shift closer or how she wouldn’t stop wiggling around. She was maddening. 

Women in Fjerda were not like this - they didn’t order around their men, especially Drüskelle, and they certainly wouldn’t stripe nude in front of a man that wasn’t their husband. This grisha was everything that Drüskelle were taught to hate, the worst kind of witch that should be killed rather than used for survival. And yet, every moment with her felt like heaven and torture, her power providing him the blissful warmth that he craved in the cold.

But now, she lay next to him naked and infuriating, and it would be so much easier to ignore just how different she was from the women of Fjerda if she would just shut her mouth.

“You’re cold and clammy! It’s like lying next to a burly squid!” she chastised, and for Matthias, it was the last straw. Hoisting himself up on his knees and his lands braced either side of her head, he snarled down at her. She remained unmoved until he grasped her face. 

“Would you shut your ridiculous Drüsje mouth!” he snapped, his hand gripping up underneath her chin, scowling down at her. What he was met with was a spark of curiosity and intrigue - as though she were waiting for something more. Her body relaxed, even as it shivered  

“You’re welcome to stop me,” she teased and Matthias couldn’t stop the surge of anger that erupted from within him. It was mixed with something he couldn’t understand, and what he did next surprised him more than sticking with a Drüsje for survival - he kissed her. His hand was cupped underneath her jaw, keeping her still and positioned at the disadvantage. 

Yet, in the name of Djel, she propped her leg up, almost hooking up over his hip as her fingers gently curled around his wrists. Part of him froze, but at the sound of her slight moan against his mouth, he continued. Her nails bit into his skin, her body dragging his in with desperate and unforgiving tugs - but it seemed to be the way of things for them. This wasn’t going to be gentle; it was anger, passion, unresolved hatred that had mingled with something that tasted sour and sweet in one infuriating gulp. 

“I thought you wanted me to shut up, Drüskelle?” she smiled, and in a hard pull, had Matthias back down to kiss her again. She was demanding and didn’t care about how lewd she may be - in fact, it seemed as though she relished being as indecent as possible, tugging him in until their bodies were together in hot and rough motions. Matthias hadn’t truly ever pleasured himself - it wasn’t as though Drüskelle couldn’t do such a thing, he had just never felt such a surge of lust before. This was new territory, his cock sliding over her stomach as he sighed into her mouth. 

The grisha hoisted her legs higher, both straddling over the backs of his thighs and urging him forward. This was what insanity felt like - it had to be because his body felt like every inch was alive and dying all in one. As Matthias’ hand slipped from her jaw to the back of her neck, his other hand gripped her thigh, the softness of her skin and the hearty give of her body was intoxicating - as though the more he sank his fingers into her, he’d continue to fall into her. All he wanted to do was dive straight into her, to feel all the warmth she was truly going to give him. He could feel the stirrings of it in the pit of his stomach, that their bodies now - just tumbling together in a heated kiss - was giving him a heat that no power could truly give. 

“Stop,” she demanded, and part of Matthias didn’t want - she’d just continue to talk and he’d have to deal with her foul mouth nature. She panted, her breast heaving as she struggled to regain her breath. Could she damn well make up her mind? “What’s your name?” she asked. 

“What?” 

“I’m not going to let you devour me without at least praising the man who takes my breath away,” she smirked, and even with his body filled with lust and longing for her, his actions finally caught up to him. It was too personal - it was like they were supposed to be lovers, but that was a life that could never be. 

“Why must you ruin such things?” he huffed, rolling onto his back, only to be met with the grisha on his lap, her grunt of frustration following as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. Her body was completely bare, full and plump, each curve a temptation he hadn’t realised was there until she sat upon him. He wanted to protest, but couldn’t help himself - Matthias wanted to stare for hours if he could. 

“Because, Drüskelle, you wouldn’t have kissed me if you didn’t like me. Or at least want me to be quiet. So what shall you do? Tell me your name and have me quiet for a few hours, or I keep yapping away until you wish you had drowned?” she asked, her hips pushing back and he could feel his cock sliding underneath her, touching something warm and wet all in one. 

“Matthias...Helvar,” he gulped, unable to stop his hand as it reached for her waist. 

“Nina Zenik,” she whispered as her lips touched his, stealing any last trace of sanity that was left for him to grasp. Once more, he sunk his hands into her skin, tugging her closer and making sure he savoured the way every curve foamed to his. It was a wonderful sensation, to have a woman on top of him, to have this woman on top of him. She was beautiful and did things to him that he could barely fathom or understand, but he wanted to fall for every word, to be a fool for every line she spoke - even when he wanted to strangle her. 

Then, her hips started to move. Just as before, she glided along his length, her back arching as her hands pressed to his chest, rocking back and forth, her breath coming in hearty gulps with soft giggles erupting as he looked down at him. Then, she picked up her pace, as though she were racing him to something he wasn’t quite sure was a competition to begin with. His own breath was ragged when he felt a coil binding in tight in his belly. 

“Ah! What are you doing?” he hissed, almost wanting to still her hips to stop the torment. All Nina did in return was smile, her fingers dancing over the stubble on his chin. 

“This way, the only thing keeping you warm is my body. No powers. Just me, Matthias.” 

Matthias felt his heart pounding, and for the first time, he believed that Nina used no magic on his body; it was just her. 

“Nina,” he sighed, eyes closing as her hand gripped at the base of his length and guided him to the warmth that had been teasing his shaft for so long - it was as though his heart was leaping into his throat. He wanted to swear, wanted to yell and speak words of pleasure that could damn him forever. But she was breaking him - and he wasn’t even inside her yet. 

Then, Nina let herself rest back down on his cock, letting him sink inside her and - dear Djel - it was like he had been blessed beyond reason. Matthias almost gasped, head falling back and eyes shut tight, it was as though something had built far quicker than it was supposed to and his stomach clenched. Matthias’ hands gripped in harder to her hips, trying to get her to stop. She did, almost instantly. 

“Do you need me to stop?” 

Matthias nodded, eyes firmly shut, trying to regain his breath.

“Don’t want you wasting all the heat I’m giving you,” she smiled. 

Matthias wasn’t sure how to further their movements, the cold already starting to set his bones to shiver and ache. So, he did what he thought he could muster - he tapped at her thigh, two soft thrums across the ample flesh that rested on top of him. Nina smiled, her hands gracing up the sides of his torso before they rested on his shoulders. 

“Good, Drüskelle,” she praised and Matthias sighed, “tell me anyway you can if you need me to slow down,” she instructed.

“I don’t know how,” he said, voice breaking as he admitted his failings. 

“I can tell you’ll find a way,” she whispered, as though the wind were listening to all the secrets she was willing to share. Matthias found that he would fight anyone and anything, including all the elements, that dared intrude on his moment with Nina. How dare they touch at her, whisper her name, or invade her space when he wanted to be the only one to ever do it again. 

Nina rose up, her hands braced on his shoulders before she descended back down onto him. She was heavy, but it was a welcome weight, her rise and fall an intoxicating experience, one that no liquor could ever compare. 

His hips sunk down into the furs, slowly rising to meet Nina as she descended down onto him. Matthias couldn’t believe the sensation was real - it was like lightning shooting through him and every essential part of him had come alive. This grisha - this woman - made him come alive in a way he hadn’t known was possible. Sighing, he let his hands grace up from her thighs to her hips, feeling the rhythm she set upon him and followed suit, gaining confidence with every rise and fall that they gave over. 

At first, he was clumsy and made Nina squeak in surprise, her hands persistently digging and tugging at him as her hips jut up against his. With every few strides, she hit somewhere deep inside her with his shaft and her head would fall back. Every time he did it, he could feel how her body responded, how it seemed to cling to him for more than what she was already giving him. All the while, her breasts were tormenting him - the perfect bounce and prickling skin that rose as she fed into her desire was something he couldn’t ignore. 

Matthias shot up from the bed of furs and grasped her hips, making Nina’s breath hiccup. His mouth fell to her breast, nipping and biting at the risen peak that lay there teasing him. With his arm slung around her back, he helped their bodies find their pleasures together, bucking up and meeting every thrust that Nina had been performing like a temptress. Nina’s arms wrapped around him, her lips dragging and kissing at his temple. 

“Oh, Matthias,” she called, rocking back and forth in his lap, her hand in his hair as the other scraped up his back in a painful delight. “Please, just a little more,” she whined, her hips working hard to race to something. All the while, he could feel her body, how her core grasped him like a wicked vice that didn’t dare let him loose. All thoughts were gone as he drove himself as deep as he could, over and over again until he felt her body tense, her breathing hitched and a perfectly seductive cry left her lips, panting as she let herself feel every part of her pleasure. It pushed Matthias over the edge, and he grunted, feeling himself release every ounce of himself inside. Nina shivered once more, panting as her hands went to his cheeks, propping his face up to her and kissing him in a desperate moan. 

Her hips worked in slow circular movements, giving them a moment to relax and kiss until they were once again met with the frigid cold of the snow storm outside. Getting out of his lap, Nina found the furs she had been wrapped in and found her spot back in the cot. 

Nina tossed over, panting as she hauled the furs back over her sweat ridden body. Matthias couldn’t believe he had done such a thing - gone against every fibre of his being to lay with a grisha. It was wrong and amoral; everything he was taught to hate had been above him, he’d been inside her, finished inside her. How could he have done? In the moment, it felt right, it felt as though it was everything he should be doing, because it was a beautiful woman that made his heart race by doing nothing more than smiling. He wanted to tumble her in the sheets for the rest of the night, learning every inch of her as they kept each other warm. But he knew something like that could be the end of him - his heart was already half way lost to a grisha, how was he ever meant to recover. It was a fast track to losing himself and everything he thought he stood for. 

Matthias watched out of the corner of his eye as she turned to him. Her eyes were like the ocean shore after a raging storm - a mix of light blues and dirty silver frothing on the shores - and Matthias should know, he had survived in a storm just as strong with the woman beside him. 

“What are you staring at?” she asked, voice low, and almost scared for what his answer could be. Instead, all he did was pull her into him, pressing their heated bodies to one another to keep their warmth underneath the furs and radiate as much as possible. 

“To keep each other warm,” he muttered, but as she snuggled in deep into his chest and waiting arms, he could have sworn that Nina smiled against his skin. Or maybe it was because Matthias was smiling that he was certain of it. It felt like a night for smiling.

[kindness-ricochets]

Genya tailoring wylan while he explains everything that went down to his older sister and brother zoya and Nikolai

W: ok so he says I’m going to music school right? And I’m like “hmmm sus but on ig” and like it’s all the way in another place so I’m like when I’m there I’ll just

N: book it?

W: EXACTLY book it. BUT YA WANNA KNOW WHAT HE DID. THE CONVIER

Z: tell us

W: HE TRIED TO HAVE ME KILLED

everyone in the room collectively chokeing while wylans still talking

W in a tone much more Jovel and annoyed then should be for discussing attempted murder: AND LIKE, ok I’m a little annyoed by the whole attemped infantacide thing but like, THEY DIDNT EVEN TRY??? LIKE they could shot me, or stabbed me, or punched me or EVEN LIKE IDK boat out to sea and throw me over but nOoOoOo, they try get this. Choking.me.out WE ARENT EVEN FULLY OUT OF THE CANEL YET AND THEYRE NOT EVEN CUTTING OFF MY AIRWAY. Kinda sad how bad they were at that. So I konked em and jumped overboard and - wait why are your guys faces like that

Z,G n N: no reason at all continue

Okay... I am so much better with drama than comedy, so this turned into a drama, but it DOES include the major beats of Wylan telling his Ravkan friends about Jan! I hope you like it :)

Wylan hadn’t been sure he could say it at first. “Miss Genya.” Was that too forward? Would it tip off the others? He had thus far kept his Ravkan connections secret. Kaz would have wanted to leverage that somehow.

He had been close to tears of frustration when Jesper stayed in the room. Wylan wanted to talk to her alone, but Jesper, going halfway mad from his impatience, had stayed so long with him…

When Jesper left to grab a cup of coffee, Genya spoke first.

“Are you all right?”

Wylan nodded. “I wasn’t for a long time, but I made it.”

“When this is over, you can come with us.”

His throat ached to hear it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go. He wasn’t halfway to tears at the prospect of going to Ravka. He was halfway to tears at the prospect of being wanted.

“But maybe you’d rather stay with that cute boy, hmm?”

Wylan blushed.

“Good, keep blushing. Keep your circulation strong.”

They didn’t get much time to talk before Jesper returned. Wylan wasn’t sure how much the Ravkans would want him revealing about their connection, so he kept himself quiet on the subject and trusted Genya to understand that when he thanked her, he meant for all of it, for fixing him, for having been his friend.

He got his answer not long after.

About how much the Ravkans wanted him to tell.

Jesper and Wylan were on the settee together, enjoying the closeness. The kiss seemed to have spoken some promise of access to one another—nothing too intimate. Just long, clever fingers in Wylan’s hair while he leaned against Jesper.

“Jesper. Wylan.”

At Kaz’s voice, they both turned. Wylan only stood when he realized who was with him.

Nikolai had been a steady presence in Wylan’s life. A mentor, a friend. A brother. He had been someone worth sticking around for. Seeing him there, standing beside Kaz, Wylan wanted to go to him. But Sturmhond had only ever been there to “escort him to Ravka”. They were not publicly friends, and every secret even implied to Dirtyhands…

“Our new friends would like a word, Wylan,” Kaz said.

“Privately,” Sturmhond added.

Wylan took a step toward him before Kaz asked, “Why?”

“Surely you can understand—”

“And you can understand the need for a little oversight.”

“Not from you, Brekker.” Ah, there was the Zoya Nazyalensky he knew and loved!

Nikolai looked to Wylan. “Ignore him,” he said.

So Wylan stepped forward and hugged the privateer. Nikolai had the same impulse. For a moment they held on tight to one another and Wylan had that same soreness in his throat he had felt with Genya.

“Whatever he did to you, you didn’t deserve it.”

Wylan swallowed.

Nikolai had been the closest Wylan had ever seen him to furious when he found out. He offered to keep Wylan in Ravka, but there was no way to do that without starting an international incident. He sent a letter, even, but Jan refused and it wasn’t everyone who would kidnap a Councilman’s kid.

Telling Nikolai seemed… possible, but Wylan glanced at Kaz. And at Jesper.

“Um… since when are you friends with pirates?” Jesper asked.

“Privateer,” Wylan and Nikolai said.

Wylan looked between Jesper and Kaz. They both had questions—albeit very different ones.

“Jan sent men to kill me,” Wylan said.

“What?” asked Jesper.

Zoya said something Wylan was pretty sure was a Ravkan swear. They had all made a game of not teaching him the naughty words, so he could only guess.

Kaz looked intrigued.

Nikolai gripped Wylan’s shoulder tightly.

Wylan shook his head. Somehow remembering that day on the browboat made his throat hurt. “I was sloppy. They shouldn’t’ve been able to get me. I remembered that move Tolya taught me, but—I’m fine! Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason at all,” Zoya said.

Jesper was stroking his revolvers, a gleam in his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Wylan insisted. He was! He just wished that ache in his throat would ease. “I’m fine! Anyway it was six months ago!”

“He knew you had a place in Os Alta,” Nikolai said.

Somehow that stung the worst, because it was true. Jan didn’t have to kill Wylan. He had shut him out of the business years ago, so there were no secrets to spill, no treason to commit. Just last summer Nikolai had offered to keep Wylan there, made clear he was welcome, Jan could have… but he wanted to…

Wylan took a deep breath. His eyes were prickling like he might start crying again, in front of all these people!

To make it worse, in the split second Wylan had that realization, someone else had come into the room.

“Wylan has a place in Os Alta?” Nina asked. Matthias, beside her, looked grimmer than usual. “You mean his family owns property there?”

“The King has a soft spot for lost princes,” Zoya said. “And redheads.”

“You know King Nikolai?”

“Of course she does, I’m sure the whole Triumvirate knows him!” Jesper said, and Wylan wanted to kiss him again for redirecting the conversation when it was all getting to be a bit much. Kaz was watching him closely. Nina was staring. Zoya and Nikolai were both dealing with what Wylan had told them and he felt foolish for having done so now. Maybe all he had wanted was for them to say it was okay he wasn’t able to use the skills he learned sailing when Tolya tried teaching him to fight.

“I meant Wylan,” Nina retorted. She turned her attention to him once more.

“I visited him in Os Alta a few times,” Wylan said. He left out the time Nikolai, then a student at the university, had come to visit him in Ketterdam.

“This would have been useful to know earlier, Wylan,” Kaz said.

Which was a good reason not to tell him!

“Wait a minute,” Jesper realized, “we actually could have ransomed you! Hey! Kaz’s plan almost worked!”

“Almost,” Wylan repeated, deeply dubious. Kaz had never tried to ransom him to Nikolai. “N—um, not that I’m recommending ransoming me. Um, I… the thing is… it’s my mother. She was—my father had her locked away and I—if I could…”

“King Nikolai will doubtless do all he can to assist you,” said King Nikolai, despite everything clearly amused at speaking in third person. “And your mother. As any good king would. Exceptional, even! But I must insist on a private word.”

This time even Kaz didn’t object. Wylan felt a twinge of guilt leaving Jesper and cast him a look he hoped communicated an intention to tell him everything later. He followed Nikolai into the next room, anyway. Although Nikolai had never shown him any frustration or disapproval, Wylan still worried. What if this was it? What if he had reached his limit?

Nikolai was not at his limit.

Instead, he said, “It’ll be all right, Wylan.”

“You’ll help us?” Wylan asked. “Me and my friends.”

He nodded. That was already the deal, Wylan supposed, but he still appreciated hearing it from Nikolai instead of having to trust it from Kaz.

“Is there anything you didn’t want to tell me in front of the others?” Nikolai asked.

“No.” The ache in his throat was back. Wylan swallowed. He blinked rapidly, but his eyes wouldn’t listen. “He tried to kill me…”

Nikolai squeezed Wylan’s shoulder.

“Brekker is a… unique sort, but I doubt there’s anything he can’t think his way out of. Between the two of us, we can tweak this plan if necessary. You shouldn’t have to see him.”

“Thank you,” Wylan said, “but I can take it. You don’t have to protect me.”

“I never protected you because you needed protecting, I did it because I wanted to keep you around. It helps that you look at me like I can do anything. See, that’s the one!”

Wylan found himself smiling despite it all.

“And Jesper is in love with you. You don’t always pick up on these things, but it’s very important you know this time.”

“We…” Wylan looked away, blushing. “I kissed him.”

“Well done, Wylan!”

“Whatever happens next, I’m glad I got to see you again, Nikolai.”

[ronans-sepiaphotograph]

I'm totally and completely bothered by the fact that there's not enough Kaz and Wylan content so as a book junkie I'm compelled to create my own-

Kaz and Wylan, our resident scheming faces and painting:

Wylan Van Eck may not be the loudest or the most outspoken of the Crows but he was observant.

So he knew who exactly was knocking on the door on the mansion just a while after Jesper had left to get the guns serviced.

Wylan was about to start working on a new canvas when he heard the door being knocked upon as he was walking towards his room.

Kaz Brekker stood in his glory, all suit, hat and his cane as Wylan opened the door.

"Hello Kaz" "Hey merchling" "I'm painting in my room"

Kaz walked through the doors as Wylan told him where he was going. It was not a schedule but it was definitely a schedule.

Wylan would paint and Kaz would silently watch him as they quietly talked, and it helped with Jesper absent sometimes because Wylan and Kaz were both not the greatest when it came to being chatty. Sure Jesper was great company, but sometimes they wanted the quiet.

Kaz walked through and over to Wylan's room with Wylan in tow and sat on his regular seat. Yes Wylan had a seat dedicated for Kaz to sit. It definitely made Wylan more nervous as Kaz watched him.

"how are things at the slat?" "Fine, it's too noisy" "you can come over here anytime you know?" "I know"

Wylan was nervous as he pulled out the package. He had been working on it for a while now. And it was scary that Kaz would be receiving it. He didn't even know whether he would like it or not.

It was a small box, and inside were six little canvases for all of them. Wylan knew Kaz often picked up little paintings he did, thinking Wylan wouldn't notice. But then Wylan would see them tucked away in his office mantle.

So Wylan had this idea of making something for Kaz. One canvas for a Crow, a member of his family. A Crow's head (Kaz), a Knife (Inej), Waffles (Nina), a white wolf (Matthias), a revolver (Jesper) and finally a flute (Wylan). He had spent hours on the little things and Jesper had found small ornamental frame to put them into. Wylan had packed them.

He was trembling and blushing by the time he slid the package over to Kaz, who was watching him with narrowed eyes.

"what's this?" "I know you take paintings from my room so I made these for you"

Kaz gave him a look and proceeded to open it, his gloved hands neatly unwrapping it. He gave Wylan a soft smile as he looked through them. He was blushing harder now.

"Do you like them?" "One of each of us" "yeah" "Thanks Wy"

The nickname made his eyes water and he looked away, wiping his eyes. Kaz tapped his cane on the floor and Wylan immediately snapped his head up. The smile was there, faint yet present.

"why are you crying?" "Nothing, just happy tears"

Kaz put the box back and sat as Wylan left to get them waffles and coffee. He had ice-cream since he was the only one besides Inej who knew Kaz had a sweet tooth. He didn't tell anyone because he prized his life.

"do you want to try your hand at painting?" "Me?" Kaz looked confused at the question as Wylan nodded. He bit into his waffle as Kaz silently thought.

"Scheming face" "I heard that" Kaz smirked at him as Wylan blushed.

"okay then, I don't think I have the skills like you do" "I'm not skilled, it's one the few things that I'm good at. And besides without these I'm wor-"

He was interrupted as the end of Kaz's cane was jabbing into his chest. Kaz glared, enough to remind him that he was still the Dirtyhands, even if Wylan looked up to him.

"you sure you want to complete that sentence Wylan?" Wylan shook his head. "Then let's get painting"

He nodded as Kaz got up and shifted closer to the desk as Wylan found them canvased to paint on. He got water and brushes and paints and rags. He got one of the old shirts for Kaz to wear.

"wear this, won't want to spoil your suit" "always the observant one" "I heard that" "I wanted you to"

Wylan turned away as Kaz proceeded to remove his coat and turned back again when Kaz prodded him. He thought he heard a chuckle escape Kaz bit probably though he was dreaming. He opened the windows fully so he could see the gardens below and the sea. It was Blue and pristine and there were seagulls flying in the sky.

Wylan squeezed out paint as Kaz made his scheming face again as he looked through the plethora of brushes Wylan had.

"How do your even choose which one to use Wy?" Wylan chuckled as Kaz gave him a look. "You should decide what you want to paint. I usually just paint the sea on the garden on sunny days and then something from memory when the days are gloomy" "the sea sounds okay*

He helped Kaz pick a brush and then pushed a palette full of paint towards Kaz as he sat beside him, maintaining enough distance. He chuckled when he saw Kaz fumble. He figured if was probably because of the gloves that he was struggling to hold the brush properly.

"I think it's the gloves that are making it difficult" Kaz scowled at him and Wylan shut up, why had he even voiced out loud? "Sorry, I didn't mean to. It'll be fine, give it a bit of time and you'll adjust"

Kaz ignored him as he thought about it. After a silent moment lapsed, he removed the glove from his hand. It came as a surprise and Wylan didn't know whether he had the right to watch so he just looked at his blank canvas. Kaz cleared his throat.

"it's much better now" "Kaz you didn't have to, I'm sorry" "It's for my own convenience and you were right, this feels much better.

Another one of Kaz Brekker's rare smiles.

Wylan smiled at him as he got to painting himself. Kaz busied himself with watching the sea and the dipping his brush in the paint. Wylan was going to paint the sea today, just with the added memory of one particular shil sailing and floating in it. The sea always made him miss Inej terribly.

Kaz groaned beside him as he dropped the brush down and leaned back and slumped in his seat. It was rare to see Kaz so out of his comfort zone.

"How do you even do this Wy?" "It has always been my escape, when I used to stay with Jan Van Eck and try to read and write. Don't think when you're painting that's all" "that's difficult" "for you, definitely"

Kaz glared as Wylan chuckled, blushing again. Kaz had draw strokes of Blue in various shades. It wasn't bad but it was evident that Kaz had no experience painting before. He gently prodded Kaz to pick up and try again, suggesting to just think about what he was trying to paint. Kaz huffed as he picked up his brush again. Wylan noticed that he held the brush a little awkwardly which would not help at all and make Kaz more irritated and without a thought put his hand over Kaz's, briefly touching as he adjusted the brush in Kaz's fingers.

And then the realisation hit.

Wylan was going to be murdered today, in his own house, by the person he had begun to consider a best friend.

Wylan trembled and pulled his hand away but Kaz turned to him and glared daggers that made him freeze. Yep, definitely going to get murdered, he thought.

"Don't you dare move Wylan"

And because he was going to get murdered he pulled his hand away and literally ran. But Kaz was quick because obviously as Wylan felt the cane latch into his shoulder, causing him to trip. He stood frozen, not daring to turn around.

"Wylan, turn around right now" he didn't. "I won't repeat" He turned around.

Kaz stood, gloved hands on his cane as he looked at Wylan.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-" "stop talking"

Wylan did. He felt red and not all over as he felt his eyes water. Kaz put his hand forward and Wylan prepared to die but then Kaz just squeezed his shoulder. Wylan's knees gave out as he sank to the floor, on his knees. He felt his tears drop. Kaz sat down beside him. He didn't dare open his eyes.

"Wy?" "Yeah?" "Look at me?"

He opened his eyes and looked at Kaz. He expected to see anger, hatred and every hateful emotion in the coffee brown of Kaz's eyes but there was nothing. Kaz was looking at him, face devoid of expression.

"It took me by surprise because it's been a while since that had happened" "I was thinking Kaz I'm-" "Let me finish. But you don't have to worry. It just caught me by surprise that's all. And I know you didn't do on purpose, I know you would never Wy. You're our observant demo expert. You know these things better than others" "okay. I'm still sorry, I'll make sure it never happens again" "okay. It felt weird though, like a funny weird, feeling that again"

This time Kaz did let out a brief chuckle. Wylan blushed. Had Kaz Brekker just chuckled? Had Wylan just made him laugh?

Wylan looked at him, wide-eyed and in shock as Kaz got up and hauled Wylan up. He then surprised him by giving Wylan a brief side hug. Wylan was going to die of happiness today. The reason? Kaz Brekker.

"You trust me?" "That's a very stupid question Wylan"

Wylan gave a him and Kaz nodded while sipping on his coffee. Obviously I do, he meant. Wylan smiled as he wiped his eyes.

He then carefully showed Kaz how to hold the brush properly so could paint with ease and soon they were painting in silence, except for the music of the birds chirping and the trees rustling outside. Wylan smeared strokes of Blue's and Grey's and then a ship appeared on his canvas, The Wraith in all her glory.

He watched Kaz sometimes, who had apparently gotten the hang of it. He looked so out of place yet at home. Kaz Brekker painting with Wylan in his room, surrounded by art supplies, Wylan would never forget this day.

Jesper had knocked on the door a bell ago but Kaz had refused to let him inside and Wylan left to greet him with a kiss

"Wylan Van Sunshine have you dumped me for Kaz?" Wylan slapped his arm "Of course not, we're just painting and Kaz, well doesn't want to be disturbed" "Ghezen's sake Kaz is painting?" "Yes, with me" "what did you do to him Wylan?" "Shut up, we'll be done in a while. Will you please wait for us in the dining room?" Wylan made puppy eyes and Jesper responded by kissing him briefly before he disappeared and Wylan was back to his canvas. It took him some time more to finish adding the details to The Wraith. Kaz was done before him and was watching him as usual which made Wylan nervous.

"you know Kaz? You make me nervous by staring like that while I paint?" "It's amusing to see the experts at work"

Wylan blushed again as Kaz cleaned up his desk and Wylan followed. Their paintings were put on the Easel to dry. Kaz's was an abstract things but it was beautiful nonetheless, a clash of blues and beige's and whites. It looked just like the sea. Wylan smiled as he put the canvases to dry.

Jesper was waiting for them in the dining room for lunch as they sat down. He was grinning at both of them.

"So Kaz, did you have fun painting? Wylan's face suggests you did" "Don't push it Jes" "Hah! That's means you did! I wi have to tell Inej that Kaz Brekker has found a new pasttime with Wylan Van Sunshine!"

Kaz threatened him with a knife but Jesper just laughed. They had lovely lunch and Jesper disappeared again to practice with his revolvers.

Kaz was leaving as Wylan handed him his hat again. Wylan saw the shirt peeking from under Kaz's coat but said nothing.

"See you Kaz" "I want to paint again Wy" "Really?" "yes really" "okay, whenever you want"

Kaz gave him a small smile again as he waved Wylan goodbye and left for the Slat again. He didn't forget to take the gift Wylan had made for him.

The next day when Wylan went to his office regarding work about the Council, he saw all six of the canvases promptly put on the mantle, besides one of his own paintings.

"They look good" was all Kaz said. Wylan's day was made.

[grishaversecommunityyy]

The Grishaverse Ship Survey Results

So! After all of that, we finally have the results! What is the general opinion on the ships in the Grishaverse? Well, that’s for you to read below! It’s actually pretty interesting and, while some parts make sense, there were definitely some parts which... surprised me... Anyway, onto the results!

Everything in this post can be split into:

The Grisha Trilogy

Six Of Crows Duology

The Nikolai Series

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

Most Enjoyed Ships

Least Enjoyed Ships

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

Notes from the Survey 

(note from mod emily: i tried to bold all of fritz’ comments, but i might have missed a few! be aware there are two of us analysing here :))

The Grisha Trilogy

The first book series we asked about was, of course, the first chronologically: the Grisha Trilogy. The most popular ship, with 83% voters for this series selecting this, was Genya/David (Fritz was glad to hear that; Yes I am). This is likely due to the lack of alternate romantic interests in the series, which seems to be a major issue for Alina’s ships. It also seems to be one genuinely enjoyed by most fans, in contrast to Darkling/Alina and Mal/Alina (each around 30%) and Nikolai/Alina (just under 20%), for which I have definitely seen plenty of debate. The second and third most popular ships for this series were Tamar/Nadia (55%) and Nikolai/Zoya (47%). Interestingly, Genya/Alina (43%) and Zoya/Alina (30%) ranked surprisingly high, especially considering how few of my friends and associates I hear talking about them. Good for them!

Honourable mentions:

Alina/Sun (no doubt inspired by that crack fic I wrote a while back) (Still havent read that out of fear)

Alina alone (a common concept among those surveyed, though most mentioned it later)

Zoya/Genya or Alina/Zoya/Genya

Six Of Crows Duology

This series was a little less divided, I would say. Predictably, Kaz/Inej came out on top with a whopping 96% of voters (:relieved:), with Wylan/Jesper next (90%) and Nina/Matthias just after (83%). None of the others really came close, despite Nina/Inej gathering 35% of the votes and Colm/Aditi at 25% (yeah, I’m not sure why that was so popular on AO3 either, but nobody really has objections so I assume that’s why it amassed so many votes). As Six of Crows is decidedly less divisive about ships and doesn’t have such controversial ships (more on that later), it seems the fandom agrees with canon pairings and the votes are... pretty unanimous.

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper/Wylan/Kuwei

Polycrows (platonic or romantic)

Kaz/Inej/Nina

Whoever didn’t read the instruction about this being for only the book series and put Jesper/Milo. I will never escape. 

The Nikolai Series

This one is a little harder for me because I actually haven’t read this... so over to Fritz for analysis! But first, the stats. At 85%, the most popular ship is Genya/David, followed by Zoya/Nikolai at 77%. Tamar/Nadia and Nina/Hanne draw at 61.5% and Nina/Matthias has 56% voters onboard. There’s no real honourable mentions for this one, sadly. Hello Fritz here! Read the books and very glad to see Genya/David as the top ship as it damn well should. Although still a bit surprising since its more of a side-arc of the two and only ties in with the importance of the story at a specific chapter that I feel like I don’t need to elaborate about, if you read Rule of Wolves. (I believe the popularity of the ship also sky-rocketed due to ROW) Following of course Zoya/Nikolai, the high ranking makes sense, it is the main ship and lets be honest they deserve it <3

I think the only really surprising thing about this is the high votes for Nina/Matthias since [SPOILERS CROOKED KINGDOM] he’s dead so I feel like people should move on from that. Nina/“Hanne” having not as high a ranking as I would’ve thought, but with Matthias still being in the frame I guess we shouldn’t be surprised either.

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

This one is really interesting, with the exclusive show watchers now taking part! We have 89% voting for Kaz/Inej, 76% for David/Genya, 71% for Matthias/Nina, 67% for Ivan/Fedyor (that’s a thing???-->Yeah they had a few somewhat sweet interactions in the background-->nvm i watched it you’re right fritz) and 62% for Mal/Alina. What’s really surprising is how high Malina is compared to Darklina, with Darkling/Alina at 36%. Who knows, maybe Fritz’ analysis can shed some light on this?

Yes yes Fritz to the rescue: First of all we have to see their interactions a little different from what we already knew of them by the end of episode 8. I still think it is a surprising number, since the Darkling in the show isn’t as nasty as he was in the books BUT over all his actions are now seen on TV. We all thought the deer antlers were a necklace amirite? Well no apparently not, the darkling used the worst kind of small science to fit Alinas collarbone to the bone and out comes a gruesome sight: a reason why many people might have started thinking: Wow what a disgusting person he is. And on the Malina “ship”: Mal finally has personality!! jkjk :eyes: Mals and Alinas friendship has been portrayed way better in the show and I believe that the people noticed more chemistry between them especially by the end of season 1. So I’m still a little surprised Darklina has such a low ranking (what with him being all sweet and cuddly in the middle of the show) but it makes sense and the Malina ship as well. Their vibes are just *chefs kiss* and thats coming from someone who didnt even like any of these “ships” <3

Loving the quotation marks for the word ‘ships’, Fritz. Over to the honourable mentions!

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper and Milo (isn’t milo a goat? guys, why?)

Nadia/Marie (huh that didn’t appear anywhere else)

One person had several - Kaz/Inej/Jesper, Dubrov/Mikhael, Dubrov/Mikhael/Mal - and yeah, you can really see the show differences in these mentions right? (whose dubrov...and whose mikhael...)

16% actually voted for Inej/Alina which is wild to me because of book context (they did have chemistry in the show tho :cowboi_smirk:)

Another person with several! We have Nina/Inej, Genya/Alina, Zoya/Alina, Zoya/Genya/Alina. Very sapphic. Good for you.

Kaz/Jesper and Nina/Inej all in one

That’s a lot of honour and mentions but it’s so interesting to me and I think you should see too

Most Enjoyed Ships

The most enjoyed ship was Kaz/Inej. This had unparalleled support, being at 35%. Jesper/Wylan, which was next on the list (23.5%) and Nina/Matthias (18%) were also pretty popular. Most of the others were quite low, though interestingly Mal/Alina only had 1 vote (plus one for the show version). Overall, the SoC ships were a lot more popular in this section, which makes sense - this part is really about your favourite ship, and those were more unanimous in the last sections.

Least Enjoyed Ships

Most people said Darkling/Alina, which got 47% of the NOTP votes. A lot more people disliked Darkling/Alina than liked Kaz/Inej. Make of that what you will, but I take it as a somewhat general agreement among many of you guys. Mal/Alina was also strongly disliked at 22%, but around a half or more of these were clarified to be about the book version of the ship specifically. They really must’ve upgraded in the show! Jesper/Kuwei and any other Darkling ships were also voted by a few, but all of these pale in comparison to the anti-Darklina votes. Shoutout to the person who said Apparat/Anyone. I agree, though it’s not something I thought of before seeing this response. Also one person said they didn’t like the poly ships, which I hope meant just the ones mentioned earlier and not all poly relationships in general... Another shoutout to whoever said Kaz/Heleen, because why did I have to read that. A fun question, all in all!

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

I love talking about crack ships, so let’s start with that! This time, I really don’t want to have to count and list because... well, let me show you:

I think that sums up the sheer variety, to be honest. Then again, it would be rude not to mention that the most popular were Jesper/Milo, Darkling/Nikolai and Alina/Sun. (If you’re still confused about that last one, I take full responsibility.)

YES KAZ/KRUGE I SUPPORT!!!

Honourable mention to this:

which was a lot to take in, and:

Now for the discourse. Yep, the part you probably came for. 

Actually... maybe you didn’t? Looking at all of these responses, I see a lot of people genuinely don’t care about ship wars and so on, and often enjoyed the books regardless of the romances involved. Quite a few disapproved of the ongoing (though small) wars between Darklina and Malina, and others had a similar line of thinking, saying we should maybe stop focusing so much on it. You guys are right. I know this is a ship survey, and the conclusions should not include that shipping isn’t as important as we make it (Yes it should), but... that’s where it’s at.

And then again, a lot of you guys expressed disapproval for Darkling/Alina, discussing how it is often one-sided and manipulative and overall unhealthy, so I could be completely off with that last one. Some people mentioned that they ship this but as a slightly different version that the one given to us, recognising the flaws of the canon ship.

Someone said they headcanon Tolya as aroace (OMG YES!!). We need more aroace characters, so thank you for that headcanon :) We also have a few gay ships mentioned here, and one person telling us they love Malina. Yes, you’re right - it’s pretty unpopular, it turns out. Someone else said Alina should’ve been single, and I agree, actually!

One person rickrolled me here. Thankfully, Youtube’s ads saved me. *wipes forehead*

I leave you all with this, in the end:

Notes from the Survey

Statistics Stuff:

The top ships were taken from AO3, so some ships may be more focused on in other books and may not provide accurate statistics for an earlier series.

The main circles this was sent around may have had bias as most people are from the same discord server, which has debated these topics in the past. Hence certain ships may have lower-than-average results. In future, this could be improved upon by sending this to other servers and areas of the fandom.

Personal bias may be present in the analysis, though I have tried to minimise this in the more formal sections.

Observations and Notes from Me:

You guys really don’t like Darklina. Or you love it. Usually one or the other. Wow.

Be glad I didn’t talk about any of the cursed ships in this. The things I have seen... (:cowboi_eyes:)

I thought more people would rickroll me, ngl.

What Surprised You Guys:

Kaz/Inej/Jesper

A few of you guys saw some of those cursed ships, and that surprised you. Well, me too!

Nikolai ships being in the TV Show section at all, what with his character not being in the show (yeah what was up with that huh tztz)

Inej/Alina

The existence of The Severed Moon

Darkling/Nikolai(/Alina)

How fun the quiz was :D

Things You Sent Me:

Bee Movie copypasta

“Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”, except via an AO3 link

A fun fact about enzymes! I liked this one

Fic recs for Feriku and Sarai (esp for Wylan/Jesper shippers)

Another rickroll

Nice compliments :) aww you guys

I asked everyone for some kind of placeholder name and never used it. Sorry! But hey, anonymity, right?

Closing Statements

If you got this far (I feel like ive been sitting here for hours), thanks for reading! This was fun to do and I hope you enjoyed all of this too! The survey is still open for anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to. If I get a huge amount of new responses, I might update this post! But for now, adios!

-mod emily (and mod fritz)

[12freddofrogs]

Call me naive, but I am cautiously optimistic about the upcoming Shadow and Bone adaptation. It's already the kind of dark that Netflix likes, filled with romance plots, and I think Netflix could potentially handle it well. Its apparently going to have significant changes to the plot, though, and here is my predictions:

Going to start with the SoC gang not formed yet. Potentially Inej will be the newcomer, someone who can discover the world of the Dregs with the audience, although I hope not. It is possible she learned knife throwing already in this adaption, though.

Ketterdam in Season One will mostly be setting up what parem is. We'll get a little bit of our crows' backstories and flashbacks. They're probably dealing with some criminal who may or may not already be a SoC character, who has parem-addicted Grisha.

Van Eck is a recurring character, but not too major. An upstandig citizen who gives the Dregs some information about parem, and offers to buy it if they can get the other bad guy's stash. He just wants to get it off the streets, you see, and Kaz Brekker will not give up something valuable for nothing so fine, he'll pay. For entirely selfless reasons, of course.

The story of parem will also influence what's happening in Ravka, but ultimately not too much. Maybe Darkling has some of his army try it, which is portrayed as crossing another line.

Meanwhile, Nina and Matthias are going through their backstory. A grisha warrior who in the first episode gets captured by Fjerdans, introducing more worldbuilding.

They get shipwrecked and learn to rely on each other.

Season One ends with Matthias in Hellmouth and Nina going to the person in Ketterdam she's heard might be able to help break him out: a Kaz Brekker.

Which is convenient, because Kaz has just sold a small pile of parem to Van Eck, who has offered to hire him for another job. He'd thought it was suicidal, although the money appealed, but now there is someone who might know how to get them into the Ice Court.

All while this is happening, the arc of Shadow and Bone is going on.

I feel like that's going to be less changed from the original. Couple of subplots cut here, one or two added there. A lot of montages.

It'll interact with the SoC plot, but slowly. Nina will be proving how grisha are treated awfully. Rumours of parem will be swirling around. Potentially Alina almost tries parem at one point to increase her power.

But mostly the plot of 'young girl learns to use her powers' is pretty similar.

Of course, this is a Netflix adaptation, so I think we can probably say there will be the following sex scenes, with various amounts of fade-to-black.

Mal/Zoya (or potentially Mal/other girl who is not Alina to indicate he is a flirt)

Alina/Darkling

Alina/Mal

Alina/Nickolai (next season)

Nina/Matthias (probably after they tell each other their names)

I have no idea what Wylan is doing, tbh.

Jesper might get a night of fun with a one-night-stand, but I feel like that would be less of a sex scene, more him waking up in someone else's bed.

But I can live with all of these. Fine, good. As long as we don't get a Kaz/Inej scene. That should be plenty of couples to keep Netflix happy.

I do think Kaz and Inej will kiss on screen, and break apart because they can't, they physically cannot. It's more touching than they got in canon, but you know, an attempted kiss and then a frantic step away might be okay. As long as they recognise Inej is also traumatised by this kind of contact, and it's not just Kaz.

[mycroftinthemindpalace]

Mal andddd any SOC character! (I'm still reading the book because I'm a slow bean lol, but dw about spoilers, I don't mind them, so happy to hear about whomever <3)

@hersilentlanguage Thank youuuuu! And I am so happy that you are reading SOC! I devoured the books when I was in school, then went back and read them with the rest of the books in the correct order before Shadow and Bone came out and I'm on SUCH a SOC kick right now (as my Tumblr probably shows lol.)

Anyway. This is a long one.

1) Mal

First impression: Edgy with mommy issues. I don't think I really liked her a ton the first time I watched the movies. She seemed a little too much like a Disney golden girl (even though she was evil). The prince falls for her, she defeats the dragon with love, and she gets all the limelight instead of her friends. It was fanfiction that really made me love Mal.

Impression now: Mal is one of my favorite characters entirely BECAUSE of the "edgy with mommy issues" stuff. She's fiercely loyal and strong but she's a marshmallow beneath it all who just wants to be safe and know that her friends are safe too. She's analytical and reads people well, and knows what to do and say to get what she wants, which isn't always a bad quality.

Favorite moment: I really liked her date with Ben (minus the love potion) because it's the first time she seems to enjoy herself without the pressure of the wand, so maybe for the first time in her life she just gets to be a teenager. She walks silly on the bridge, and teases Ben about the crowns on his swim trunks, and enjoys strawberries a little too much, and it's sweet to see.

Idea for a story: She is Carlos's first kiss. That's it, that's the whole story. #MarlosRights

Unpopular opinion: I don't know if this is unpopular or not, but I don't like dragon!Mal. I would rather see the Fae side of her explored.

Favorite relationship: Mal + Rotten 4. Mal was meant to be with all her people. They're good for her and she's good for them and that's just the way it is.

Favorite headcanon: Mal's father is NOT Hades, he's a mere human, and Mal had to grow up hearing all about how she's only half-Fae so she's super self-conscious about it and never received proper training or insight so doesn't understand that side of her very well.

2) SOC Character - Matthias

Okay, this is a weird choice, because every part of me wants to pick Kaz but this Matthias is the character who I have had the most dramatic turnaround while doing my re-read so I went with him instead.

First impression: I was not a Matthias fan first-read. He was just...boring? He seemed to only exist to give backstory about Ravka and Fjerda and the Grisha, and for Nina to have someone to banter with. I was just not impressed with him. Didn't dislike him, he just didn't leave much of an impression.

Impression now: Oh, Matthias, you sweet, honorable, loyal dolt. I will admit that watching Matthias in Shadow and Bone definitely helped me warm up to him, if for no reason other than the actor gives a damn adorable smile at one point in the series and my entire perception of the character changed. I just love watching him accept the Crows as his group and go from reluctantly being blackmailed and forced to help to willingly risking his life and worrying about theirs. It's really well done.

Favorite moment: "There is nothing sacred in your life." "You're wrong." (Which is technically more of a Kaz moment but Matthias is there and I love that whole scene).

Idea for a story: Matthias drops hints about his backstory, mentioning a family that was killed, as well as caring for his pregnant mother, and there's just a lot of exploring that could be done with that. I especially like the idea of his baby sister surviving the attack on his village, maybe even being Grisha herself, and turning up in Ketterdam. I just want Matthias to be loved! 

Unpopular opinion: I don't know if I have one! There's one scene that I would change how it played out and if I couldn't rewrite it entirely (see headcanon) then I would just change how cliche one specific aspect of it was. I know you said no spoilers, but it's kind of a big one so I don't want to say!

Favorite relationship: Okay, I realize that it's really difficult to find anything other than Nina/Matthias in this series since 90% of his interactions are with her, but I love the progression of Matthias and Kaz's dynamic. It was very subtle, but his use of "demjin" as an insult to a half-hearted tease by the end of the duology was really well done, the infamous "There is nothing sacred in your life" exchange that opened Kaz's eyes up to A LOT, and (possibly my favorite interaction) Matthias angrily performing chest compressions while complaining about how he should just let Kaz die. Their not-quite-friendship is *chef's kiss*.

Favorite headcanon: Not a headcanon, but I would rewrite a certain scene in Crooked Kingdom...

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the April 2021 Edition

I did not read Romeo and Juliet this month. I read a bunch of other books. Like, a bunch. More than one series. Because Big Bang burnout is real and grown adults missing their deadlines is a real good way to stress me out. So, I read a bunch. Good books, very bad books, books that caused limbs to flail. For positive and not-so-positive reasons. Naturally, all those reasons must be shared. Under the cut with occasionally long and rant-prone reviews, as well as spoilers. Beware of spoilers under the cut. Please keep telling me what to read, internet. My library wish list is almost comically long now.

GIVE ME ALL THE WORLD BUILDING AND SNARK AND FIGHTING! WITH MAGIC! AND SWORDS! IT’S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

Shades of Magic Series by V.E. Schwab

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

— Picture it, approximately twelve forty-seven am. My husband is asleep. I am reading. The second book in this series ends. And I say, right out loud, at what might now be twelve forty-eight am, HOLY SHIT IT JUST ENDED. Justin thought we were under attack. No man has ever snapped awake quicker. He was not pleased. At least not in the same way that I was about these books. Which I goddamn LOVED. Loved. The world building. The magic. The banter. Rhy and Kell’s relationship. Once more. RHY AND KELL’S RELATIONSHIP. Which I might have cared about more than the romance??? Maybe??? I cannot get over how good this world building was. I know people have quips with it, and that’s fair. I saw the “twist” coming in the first book, and I think trying to preserve that left some plot holes that are understandably frustrating. Because Lilah definitely needed depth perception to fight as well as she did. Also did Schwab really refer to her as a cross dresser in her author’s note? Yikes. She wore a dude’s jacket, like—c’mon V.E. Other than that though. I loved it. Also shout out to @peglegsjones for suggesting this one in my 2020 post and call out to me for taking so long to read it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone. . . . A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums.  A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes.   Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz's crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

— I’ve talked about how little I cared about anything that happened in Shadow and Bone before, but I kept seeing gifs of the Crows in the Netflix show and my brain was like: huh, I could like them. So, after some help from the very helpful internet, I’m happy to report I do in fact like them. At one point, I slunk into the couch. Like that’s how overcome with emotion I was. Kaz ripped a dude’s eye out! For Inej! Matthias loved Nina’s laugh! I would like to hug Jesper. Seriously, this hit all my high points and world building and banter and I lol’ed at “scheming face.” I would like my hold to come through faster on the sequel.

THEY DID NOT CALL INTERMISSION HALFTIME AND MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE WAS WAY DIFFERENT THAN THESE KIDS

The Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

Hannah Wells has finally found someone who turns her on. But while she might be confident in every other area of her life, she’s carting around a full set of baggage when it comes to sex and seduction. If she wants to get her crush’s attention, she’ll have to step out of her comfort zone and make him take notice…even if it means tutoring the annoying, childish, cocky captain of the hockey team in exchange for a pretend date. All Garrett Graham has ever wanted is to play professional hockey after graduation, but his plummeting GPA is threatening everything he’s worked so hard for. If helping a sarcastic brunette make another guy jealous will help him secure his position on the team, he’s all for it. But when one unexpected kiss leads to the wildest sex of both their lives, it doesn’t take long for Garrett to realize that pretend isn’t going to cut it. Now he just has to convince Hannah that the man she wants looks a lot like him.

— The first book in this series was free on Amazon. So, I read it. And really liked it??? It was so chock full of cliches and badly written tropes and Garrett probably should have accepted that Hannah didn’t want to go out at the start, but like—he was cute? And as we all know I am TRASH™ for stories set in the same verse, so, like, I just kept reading these trashy college hockey books. Trashy is a compliment here. God, these kids had so much sex. So much. An incredible amount, really. I once had a guy tell me he was physically attracted to me, but not emotionally attracted to me in college. Like, that was my college experience. The first and second books were the best, I think. I didn’t really like Dean that much.

MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS A RABBI???

The Intimacy Experiement by Rosie Danan

Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag nominated him as one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Low on both funds and congregants, the executive board of Ethan's new shul hired him with the hopes that his nontraditional background will attract more millennials to the faith. They've given him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.

— Ok, I know that sounds bad. Again, I’m a creature of predictable habit and this was the sequel to The Roommate, which I absolutely LOVED last year. But where as the relationship in that one was kind of swoony, this one was...I don’t know, really. Everyone was a well-rounded character and the plot was good, but there was this semi-invisible something that made it difficult for me to get fully on board with the whole story. Honestly, it might be because he was a religious figure?? Also, they got together real quick. Like zero to sixty in twenty-six seconds flat.

I KNOW IT’S BAD, IT WAS BAD AND YET—I CANNOT STOP READING IT???

Too Wild to Tame by Tessa Bailey

Sometimes you just can't resist playing with fire . . . By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands, and acts the perfect gentleman. But at night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. Mixing business with pleasure got him fired, so Aaron knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done when he meets the senator's daughter, who's wild, gorgeous, and 100 percent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her conservative family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .

— Last month I read the first book in this series and it was absolutely ridiculous. This one even more so. The Clarksons are still on the road trip (sans one sibling because she fell in love in a week in the first book) and Aaron was, like, not a root’able character? Very Edward Cullen I’M A BAD GUY, BELLA vibes and his relationship with Grace was so strange. Super rushed again, obvs. Meeting in the woods is weird enough. Professing love forty-eight hours later is decidedly unbelievable. Also there was a kidnapping involved? I totally put a hold on the next book in the series.

COME UP WITH DIFFERENT TRAUMA, I DARE YOU! OR NO TRAUMA. WHAT A CONCEPT!!

The Trouble With Hating You by Sajni Patel

Liya Thakkar is a successful biochemical engineer, takeout enthusiast, and happily single woman. The moment she realizes her parents' latest dinner party is a setup with the man they want her to marry, she's out the back door in a flash. Imagine her surprise when the same guy shows up at her office a week later -- the new lawyer hired to save her struggling company. What's not surprising: he's not too thrilled to see her either after that humiliating fiasco.

Jay Shah looks good on paper...and off. Especially if you like that whole gorgeous, charming lawyer-in-a-good-suit thing. He's also infuriating. As their witty office banter turns into late-night chats, Liya starts to think he might be the one man who truly accepts her. But falling for each other means exposing their painful pasts. Will Liya keep running, or will she finally give love a real chance?

— I had such high hopes for this one. Which is on me, I guess. Because I didn’t hate this one, but it was...not great. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I am BEGGING romance writers to come up with different trauma for their female protagonists. Not every woman has to have been assaulted to rationalize their current personality. Doesn’t have to happen. Like, ok, yes it does happen. Far more than it should. But that’s an entirely different story, and I am so tired of female characters getting absolutely destroyed by their past only to have that be their defining characteristic for so much of the book. Until a nice man they were initially mean to shows up and he’s UNDERSTANDING and he CARES and it’s just, bleh. It’s bleh. Tired and predictable and I’m over it.

IN WHICH I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE COVER

Much Ado About You by Samantha Young

At thirty-three-years old Evangeline Starling’s life in Chicago is missing that special something. And when she’s passed over for promotion at work, Evie realizes she needs to make a change. Some time away to regain perspective might be just the thing. In a burst of impulsivity, she plans a holiday in a quaint English village. The holiday package comes with a temporary position at Much Ado About Books, the bookstore located beneath her rental apartment. There’s no better dream vacation for the bookish Evie, a life-long Shakespeare lover. Not only is Evie swept up in running the delightful store as soon as she arrives, she’s drawn into the lives, loves and drama of the friendly villagers. Including Roane Robson, the charismatic and sexy farmer who tempts Evie every day with his friendly flirtations. Evie is determined to keep him at bay because a holiday romance can only end in heartbreak, right? But Evie can’t deny their connection and longs to trust in her handsome farmer that their whirlwind romance could turn in to the forever kind of love.

— Ok, so I had had this book on hold for so long that I genuinely forgot about it and forgot who it was written by. Samantha Young wrote that one book that I called the worst book I had ever read. Only I did not realize that when I started reading this one. So, you see how this sets us up for disaster. Because this book was a disaster. Everyone was goddamn annoying. And whiny. Shit, everyone whined. About everything. Also, the actual writing was atrocious. I am not usually one to be like “men can’t write,” but at one point I told both @shireness-says and @optomisticgirl that this book must have been secretly written by a man because no woman writing it would be so obsessed with pointing out where her cellulite was. Like, what??? Also the first sex scene? Oh my God, I laughed. Guffawed. The so-called love interest literally asked: “Are we going to have sex now?” And then they just did. It was so bad. Also there was a dog? Who went everywhere with the so-called love interest. And they just never explained that? I thought it was going to be part of some crushing and depressing backstory. Nah, he was just there.

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS A BOOK! A BOOK MEANT FOR YOUNG ADULTS! WHAT IS YOUNG ADULT???

The Queen’s Secret by Melissa de la Cruz

Lilac's birthright makes her the Queen of Renovia, and a forced marriage made her the Queen of Montrice. But being a ruler does not mean making the rules. For Lilac, taking the throne means giving up the opportunity to be with love of her life, the kingdom's assassin, Caledon Holt. Worse, Cale is forced to leave the castle when a horrific set of magical attacks threatens Lilac's sovereignty. Now Cal eand Lilac will have to battle dark forces separately, even though being together is the only thing that's ever saved them.

— Remember last month when I was like: can’t wait for my hold to come through on this sequel so I know what happens? What an idiot. THIS BOOK WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WAS A BOOK. As always in my rage-induced rants, no apologies for spoilers because seriously do NOT read this, but Lilac (legit, that was her name) married some other dude but just kept fucking Cale??? Like she had a secret door? So he could come in and they could fuck?? I just—oh my God. So, all these things kept happening. Magic and bad stuff and horses were killed. Lilac’s mother was the absolute WORST. Honestly the most worthless character who at one point was like “well, my story is over, guess it’s time to leave,” and then just left?? Forced Lilac into a marriage of alliance and no love and then everything evil was defeated in point two four seconds. It happened so fast I wasn’t even sure it happened. So, then I’m like, ok, how are Lilac and Cale going to end up together? Because this is YA and that’s how it’s supposed to work. Only her being married and that marriage requiring an heir is something of a rather large hurdle. Don’t worry! Remember when Lilac and Cale were fucking? Everyone totally knew. Including the king Lilac is married to. Who is somehow like...ok with this? And tells Cale that Lilac is pregnant. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL! Sure, because now they can lie and claim its the king’s heir. ONLY IT’S CALE’S KID! AND CALE IS COOL WITH THIS! His entire internal monologue during this is about how he realizes he might not ever be able to tell his kid he’s their father, but he’ll be around and that’s good. Wait, what??? But there’s more! Not only is Lilac having Cale’s kid, but the king she’s married to is in love with one of Cale’s spy associates. So the king and the spy are going to go hang out (and presumably have their own kids) at one castle and Lilac and Cale are going to go to another. Lilac and the king never get divorced or annulled or whatever. Everyone stays as is and married as is and—they all live happily ever after? This was presented as a good ending, I swear. What the shit, guys, seriously.

[elriell]

Book Rec’s

Going to try and add a lot of less known books that are amazing and not enough people talk about, this would be too long if I talked about each one in depth, so I am going to leave my fav quotes as that tends to give me a feel for books and whether I will like them and I will link the GR page for more info! Happy reading:)

Fantasy Vibes

From Blood And Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout    (CLICK THIS TOO)

“Death is like an old friend who pays a visit, sometimes when it’s least expected and other times when you’re waiting for her. It’s neither the first nor the last time she’ll pay a visit, but that doesn’t make any death less harsh or unforgiving.”

“Fear and bravery are often one and the same. It either makes you a warrior or a coward. The only difference is the person it resides inside.”

 “You're an absolutely stunning, murderous little creature.”

Storm And Fury by Jennifer L Armentrout

“What are you going to do if it does get worse?” he asked. “Maybe I’ll get myself a seeing-eye gargoyle.”

(HONESTLY BADASS GARGOYLES. SO UNIQUE AND AWESOME)

Demons At Deadnight by A&E Kirk   

“I launched into a graceful ninja-like front roll, then stood my ground to face the monstrous heathen, fearless in my determination to vanquish the deadly foe.

Nah, just kidding. I bolted, discretion being the better part of not getting dead.”

“We are killers,” Matthias said. Bad news. 

“Not girls. We don’t kill girls.” Good news. 

“She’s no girl.” Insulting news? 

“What? Of course she’s a girl.”

 “Want me to check?” 

“Shut up, Blake,” the rest of them chorused.”

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black   

“If I cannot be better than them, I will become so much worse.”

“If you hurt me, I wouldn't cry. I would hurt you back.”

“I am going to keep on defying you. I am going to shame you with my defiance. You remind me that I am a mere mortal and you are a prince of Faerie. Well, let me remind you that means you have much to lose and I have nothing. You may win in the end, you may ensorcell me and hurt me and humiliate me, but I will make sure you lose everything I can take from you on the way down. I promise you this is the least of what I can do.”

MM Romance

Him by Sabrina Bowen & Elle Kennedy

“Our mouths fit together so perfectly. Every time we kiss, I fall even more in love with him, and it has nothing to do with sex or lust. It's him. His closeness and his scent and the way he soothes me.”

“I…” He clears his throat. “I’d let you do it, though.” My hand freezes in his hair. “You would?” Wes nods. “I’d let you do anything to me, Canning.”

Misfits by Garrett Leigh (Poly romance, its just so perfect ala herongraystairs!)

“Learn something. Read a book. Explore someone. Anger is just a hole where your life could be.”

In The Absence Of Light by Adrienne Wilder

“The light is a funny thing, Grant. We think it shows us what we need to see, but in reality, it blinds us. That’s why I brought you here. I wanted you to see me.”

“Morgan may be autistic, but he is a normal man with a mental condition, not a mental condition who is a man.”

HOneStly JUST READ IT

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

“It’s not the world that’s cruel. It’s the people in it.”

“I'm not a math problem." "But I'll still solve you."

“Is your learning curve a horizontal line?”

“Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?"  Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did.”

“I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?" "Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." 

EVERY QOUTE IS ICONIC TBH 

Vampires, Angels & Greek Mythology

Bloodlines by Michelle Read

“The greatest changes in history have come when people were able to shake off what others told them to do.”

“Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection." He paused to reconsider that. "Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try."

“No, thank you," said Adrian. "These hands don't sully themselves with fighting.”

“Everything's about my personal entertainment. The world is my stage. Keep it up- you're becoming a star performer in the show.”

Angels Blood by Nalini Singh

“Some things were worth the dance with danger.”

“You do realize this makes your wings even more unique." "Are you saying you shot me as a cosmetic procedure?”

“You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.” “What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.”

“You don't fear me," he said now. She wasn't stupid enough to lie. "I'm petrified. But I figure you didn't make me come all this way just so you could push me off the roof.”

Dark Lover by J.R Ward (warning OTT vamps if thats not your jazz either skip)

“Some bridges you crossed on your own, no matter who drove you to the edge”

“Vengeance was one hell of a roommate.”

Half-Blood by Jennifer L Armentrout

“Two people see each other across a room or their skin brushes. Their souls recognize the person as their own. It doesn’t need time to figure it. The soul always knows… whether it’s right or wrong.”

“It’s just words and words mean nothing. Only action does.”

“People do the damndest things when they’re in love.”

“There is a difference between love and need. Sometimes, what you feel is immediate and without rhyme or reason.”

Assasin-y Goodness

Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers

“When one consorts with assassins, one must expect to dance along the edge of a knife once or twice.”

“I comfort myself with the knowledge that if Duval ever feels smothered by me, it will be because I am holding a pillow over his face.”

“Surely He does not give us hearts so we may spend our lives ignoring them.”

“There is no shame in scars, Ismae.”

Daughter Of The Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

“I am me because I choose to be me. I am what I want. Some people say you have to find yourself. Not I. I believe we create ourselves to be what we want.”

“Lass, you've the face of an angel but the tongue of a snake.”

“Everyone has something dark in their past. I suppose it's our job to overcome it. And if we can’t overcome it, then all we can do is make the most of it.”

“Waiting. Not waiting. One lover. A hundred lovers. There should be no judgement either way. A woman is not defined by what she does or doesn‘t do in the bedroom.”

“Even a man who’s spent his whole life at sea has reason to fear her when she’s angry. But not I. I sleep soundly. Listening to her music. The sea watches over me. She protects her own.”

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

“No mourners. No funerals. Among them, it passed for 'good luck.”

“It's not natural for women to fight." "It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand.”

“I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.

“The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.”

“Kaz leaned back. "What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?" "Knife to the throat?" asked Inej. "Gun to the back?" said Jesper. "Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina. "You're all horrible," said Matthias.”

The Kiss of Deception by Mary E. Pearson

“It can take years to mold a dream. It takes only a fraction of a second for it to be shattered.”

“Taking another life, she had whispered, even a guilty one, should never be easy. If it were, we'd be little more than animals.”

“Maybe there was no one way to define it. Maybe there were as many shades of love as the blues of the sky,”

“We all have our different skills. You’re patient to a fault, which sometimes doesn’t work to your advantage. I, on the other hand, have the patience of a wet cat. Only on rare occasions does that come in handy.”

“Maybe there were a hundred different ways to fall in love.”

Circus Vibes

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

“Every person has the power to change their fate if they are brave enough to fight for what they desire more than anything.”

“She imagined loving him would feel like falling in love with darkness, frightening and consuming yet utterly beautiful when the stars came out.”

“Some things are worth pursuit regardless of the cost.”

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

“You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows that they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift.”

“Secrets have power. And that power diminishes when they are shared, so they are best kept and kept well. Sharing secrets, real secrets, important ones, with even one other person, will change them. Writing them down is worse, because who can tell how many eyes might see them inscribed on paper, no matter how careful you might be with it. So it's really best to keep your secrets when you have them, for their own good, as well as yours.”

Six of Hearts by L.H Cosway

“Note to self: Never try to out-trick a trickster.”

“So why not live with the magic? Be a kid again and believe in the fantastical. Life is more fun with a little smoke and mirrors.”

“We all have thoughts that we would never, ever vocalise. And people who say they don’t are liars.”

“I once read that people who have imaginary friends never reach out to touch them. There’s some part of their brain that subconsciously knows it will break the spell. That’s what it feels like with Jay.”

Amour Amour by Krista & Becca Richie

“We all traverse in and out of people’s worlds, leaving footprints. Some larger, some smaller, but there is always a mark. We can’t sweep it away.”

“Life is a rollercoaster with no volunteers. We’re all forced to take a seat and ride it out.

“I’m average. I’ve been average most of my life, but there are moments where I feel extraordinary. Invincible. Able to conquer any fear and step outside any box. There is no illusion, no fantasy. I can climb a forty-foot pole. I can fly eighty-feet in the air. I can be taller than tall. It’s a dream that I’m living. Every day. With him.”

More M/M Romance

The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”

“And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.”

“He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature.”

“He is half of my soul, as the poets say.”

Axel’s Pup by Kim Dare  (Shifter Romance & BDSM FYI if thats not your jazz)

"I want to screw you, and tie you up, and make you writhe from-you know all that. But I want so much more. I want the whole thing, not just a quick scene. I want twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I want you to be mine. I won't take anything less."

Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“In your dream. You were looking for me.""I'm always looking for you," 

“He was funny and focused and fierce. I mean the guy could be fierce. And there wasn’t anything mean about him. I didn’t understand how you could live in a mean world and not have any of that meanness rub off on you.”

“He looked like an angel. And all I wanted to do was put my fist through his jaw. I couldn't stand my own cruelty.”

“One of the secrets of the universe was that our instincts were sometimes stronger than our minds. Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere.”

Shattered Glass by Dani Alexander

"Tell me something good about your life," I whispered, needing to hear that he wasn't as broken as I thought him to be.[...]"You." It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it.”

“Is he my competition?” I asked. “Everyone is your competition.” Peter lifted his hand to his eyes and began lowering it incrementally. “It goes normal human beings, crazies, republicans, my hand, imaginary characters, corpses and then, in a moment of lustful psychosis, you.” By the time he was done, his hand was below the table.

Romance 

Kiss The Sky by Krista & Becca Richie

“You’re not a pit stop. You’re my finish line. There’s no one after you.”

“People hope to touch the sky. I dream of kissing it.”

“I love the way he’s staring at me. It makes me feel more than just beautiful. I feel like I’m his. Like no one else could possibly compare to me. He doesn’t even have to say the words. I see it in his eyes. I can practically read it in his mind.”

“I’ve wanted so many things in life,” he says softly, “but you’re the one that has meant the most to me.”

Translation: I love you.”

Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

“You know those moments when everything is exactly the way it was meant to be? When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you know you couldn’t possibly be more content? I was inside that very moment, and fully conscious of it.”

“The right woman for you wouldn't want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn't rock your boat, she'd jump right in and sail it with you.”

“It breaks my heart the way young girls pick themselves over, never thinking they're good enough. You make sure you always remember, you're exactly the way you're supposed to be. Exactly. And anyone who says otherwise, well, poppycock.”

Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

“Ugly love becomes you. Consumes you. Makes you hate it all. Makes you realize that all the beautiful parts aren't even worth it. Without the beautiful, you'll never risk feeling the ugly. So you give it all up. You give it all up. You never want love again, no matter what kind it is, because no type of love will ever be worth living through the ugly love again.”

“Some people they grow wiser as they grow older. Unfortunately, most people just grow older.”

“Sometimes the spirit of a man isn't strong enough to survive the ghosts of his past”

“My grandfather used to say the placement of a birthmark was the story of how a person lost the battle in their past life. I guess you got stabbed in the neck. Bet it was a quick death, though.”

On Dublin Street by Samantha Young

“Gentlemen are gentlemen in bed. They make sure you're having a good time." "I'll make sure you're having a good time, and that you're okay with everything. I just won't be well mannered about it.”

“In truth it’s difficult to describe a broken heart.”

“Sometimes words aren’t needed for you to know a change has come upon you.”

Romance Series

Paper Princess by Erin Watt

“My skill, if I have one, isn’t dancing. It’s my ability to believe that tomorrow can be a better day.”

“My life is mine. I live it. I control it.”

“but a clean knife still makes a painful wound.”

“Fate is for the weak--those people who don't have enough power or will to shape life into what they need it to be.”

Foreplay by Sophie Jordan

“I’m not going to lie to you and convince you that I’m someone good and shiny like your guy that’s going to be a doctor.”

“You can’t even see it. I’m the safest thing you’ll ever find”

“That's what I wanted. Something to enrich me, to make me feel better about the things in my life that I could never change."

Wait for You by J.Lynn.  (AKA Jennifer L Armentrout) 

“You are really…” “Amazing? Awesome?” He paused, brows raised. “Astonishing?” “I was going to go with bizarre.” “Well, hell, if I had feelings that might actually hurt.”

“As long as the sun’s shining, shit can’t be that bad.”

The Deal by Elle Kennedy

“Sometimes people sneak up on you and suddenly you don’t know how you ever lived without them.”

“I want to murder him in his sleep, A. No, I want to murder him when he’s awake so he can see the joy on my face when I do it.”

“And the most important lesson I learned is that I’m not a victim—I’m a survivor.”

Romance w/ Epic Plots

The Unbecoming Of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin

“This was the boy I loved. A little bit messy. A little bit ruined. A beautiful disaster. Just like me.”

“You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.”

“You're supposed to say, 'All I want is your happiness. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without you.'""Sorry," Noah said. "I'm just not that big of a person.”

“I’ll walk forever with stories inside me that the people I love the most can never hear.”

“We are far too screwed up for a goddamned love triangle.”

“You will love him to ruins.”

The Winners Curse by Marie Rutkoski

“He knew the law of such things: people in brightly lit places cannot see into the dark.”

“Isn’t that what stories do, make real things fake, and fake things real?”

“The Winner’s Curse is when you come out on top of the bid, but only by paying a steep price.”

“The god of lies must love you, you see things so clearly.”

Obsidian by Jennifer L Armentrout (are you getting the idea I love everything she writes? because I do!)

“I've always found that the most beautiful people, truly beautiful inside and out, are the ones who are quietly unaware of their effect."

“More books." His eyes went wide. "You have, like, them books you just said you haven't read." "Doesn't mean I won't get more books."

Angelfall by Susan Ee

“I never thought about it before, but I'm proud to be human. We're ever so flawed. We're frail, confused, violent, and we struggle with so many issues. But all in all, I'm proud to be a Daughter of Man.”

“Sometimes, as we're stumbling along in the dark, we hit something good.”

“I knew from the start that your loyalty would get you killed. I just never thought it would be your loyalty to me that would do it.”

Unique Reads

Dont Look Back by Jennifer L Armentrout

“I was stuck in a life I didn't remember, squeezed into the shell of this girl - this Samantha Joe Franco - and the more I learned about her, the more I was starting to hate her.”

“Things aren’t perfect. They are far, far from it,but they are getting there, and I wasn’t looking back. Not when there were so many good things in the future.”

Verity by Colleen Hoover

“I wasn’t heroic. I wasn’t simple. I was difficult. An emotionally challenging puzzle he wasn’t up for solving.”

“A writer should never have the audacity to write about themselves unless they’re willing to separate every layer of protection between the author’s soul and their book. The words should come directly from the center of the gut, tearing through flesh and bone as they break free. Ugly and honest and bloody and a little bit terrifying, but completely exposed.”

“No one is likable from the inside out.”

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”

Painted Faces by L.H Cosway

“We all paint on a face to show the world," Nicholas replies philosophically. "For some of us, that's quite literal.”

“I love him because he makes me laugh when I don't feel like laughing. I love him because he challenges my view of what a man is. I love him because I know I shouldn't love him and that he'll break my heart. I love him because he's a complete and total anomaly. I love him because I want to kill the sadness inside him more than I want anything else in the world.”

“You saw me, changed my life, made it better, and I’m completely fucking in love with you.”

Sorcery of Thorns by Margret Rogerson

“It was always wise to be polite to books, whether or not they could hear you.”

“Knowledge always has the potential to be dangerous. It is a more powerful weapon than any sword or spell.”

“When terrible things have happened to you, sometimes the promise of something good can be just as frightening.”

“You belonged in the library, as much as any book.”

“You unmanageable, contrary creature. You have made me believe in something at last. It feels as wretched as I imagined.”

Obviously not every book is going to suit everyone, everyone has pet peeves, and things that they won’t enjoy but hopefully this gives you some variety and I personally loved them all at some point! Pls feel free to come to my ask/chats to discuss any of them  that would make me so happy <3 this took 4 hours damn

[whoslaurapalmer]

shadow and bone 5-8 

okay first   -you know the more i think about it the more pissed i am that botkin only did show up for a hot second -i hope he shows up more if there's another season but?????? what a MISSED opportunity with alina!!!!! like!!!!!!!!!!! i can't believe it honestly  -not ONLY is there more of him in the book!! but it would've been great with alina being shu!!!!  -they really didn't think that through, did they. botkin is RIGHT THERE and they missed him  -take out nina and put in botkin!! or take out all the crows and give them the justice they deserve in their own season and put in botkin!!!! (the books, as enjoyable as they were to read, still suffer so much in terms of pacing and not having a super tight plot and the show should’ve taken advantage of the opportunity to make changes to make it better and 90% of the time the show just finds a way to drop the ball!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

-also i don't remember what article i read this in, if it was the slate one or a different one, about alina deserving a teacher who doesn't, know you, beat her with a stick  -like, as usual! ON THE ONE HAND baghra is allowed to be a character that's not a good person. characters are allowed to not be good people. that's fine. i like baghra!  -on the other hand..............................................don't smack your students nobody learns from being smacked around 

i was really excited to see alina not take the path baghra told her to -- because again i had been disappointed to see the show not make any major changes to make the plot better (crows interacting with alina doesn’t count bc as people have rightly pointed out, the crows plotline really doesn’t matter here it’s just them having a good time and filling in space) so to see alina do something different and actually show a lot of agency and be competent on her own was great!!!! wish it hadn’t taken like five episodes to get there, though!!!! i know a lot of it is because she’s completely out of her element in the little palace but that’s a big complaint about alina across the board, that she doesn’t have the most distinct personality, and to see her thinking for herself and especially thinking outside of mal was nice also her getting in the carriage the crows are stealing was the funniest thing  oh but her setting the maps on fire in episode one does not count, because that was completely unnecessary, there was no reason to not just have all the cartographers go in the first place like in the book. 

-i was kind of rooting for arken, because he was just enjoyable with the crows, and because i just completely forgot about kaz seeing him meeting zlatan, but good for kaz for being on top of that, that’s my boy 

-that’s a shame about marie  -but uhhhhhhhhh -“i don’t want to die with the wrong face on” i get what she’s saying but i thought that was. weird 

in the continuing ‘nina and alina have similar things happening and i still don’t know what to make of it????????????’ thoughts, nina and matthias trying to keep warm / alina and mal trying to keep warm, matthias being afraid of nina / mal not being afraid of alina i love nina a lot but i am just not invested in nina here  oh and nina was spying for the darkling??? i don’t have the energy to think about if that tracks for nina’s character  also i never thought about how kind of uncomfortable all her lewd lines are, not because matthias is uncomfortable, but because nina comes off sounding less teasing or flirty and more kind of pushy and creepy  they’ve only known each other for............how long  what is even time here 

-it’s not that baghra isn’t threatening but........no it’s that baghra wasn’t threatening  -her talking to the darkling was like. it was weird? there should be so much weight and power in them talking to each other 

-i did like that she said to alina that the darkling had a lot of practice manipulating naive girls cause, yeah girl that’s what it was -you thought you decided to kiss him yourself???? you think he was really surprised??????? nnnnnnnnnnnnnno  -the thing is i have like very little sympathy for the darkling. very little. i get the allure, everybody who was ever a teenager gets the allure of the dark emo boy wearing all black with the tortured past, i’ve been there!!! i did my time!!!!!!  -i am still doing my time. we’ve all seen kaz.  -and yes i suppose ben barnes is. good-looking. -look it’s the beard. i just hate that beard. -and the darkling and alina are, not an interesting pair, but interesting halves  -two people with completely opposite powers, one who knows how to use them and has for centuries and the other who just discovered them, both the exact match for the other in terms of dark/light and scope of ability and lifespan, who are looking for a place of belonging but also a place of power  -and then he puts a collar on her to use her as his own personal weapon and their possible existence on even playing ground stops, cementing the gap in power dynamics that has been there from the start in their relationship, and always would be, and confirming him as manipulative power-hungry jackass #1 who doesn’t care about grisha or ravka but himself  -and he deserves what he gets in the end. (both times, even!!!!)  -so much so that the demon in the wood is included in the back of ruin and rising and when i got to it i was like ‘okay but the dude’s dead now so i don’t care about this sudden backstory i am being given’ and i did not read it. to this day. i have not. 

-also the darkling kisses alina like he’s physically attacking her and you know what??? that tracks, i guess 

-i love the heartbeat in the scenes with a heartrender!!! i think that was a nice touch.  -i also love all the little hints about jesper being grisha 

-i don’t remember much about zoya in the trilogy since most recently i read rule of wolves but i do not recall zoya sleeping around with everybody and i don’t like it  -zoya’s very proud but??? even there she kind of kept to herself, didn’t she  -she literally has a million better things to be doing than fucking everybody  -and they just fling zoya’s aunt out there???? sure fine whatever  -we get zero good zoya content and then you just give that  -and now she and alina are friends enough for her to say a witty pithy hero statement?????????  -uggggg 

-we saw luda for a hot second so i do not care about her!!!!!  -must it always be For The Death Of A Woman 

-“most grisha aren’t fighters. they fix things, they make things.” wow i love that line a whole lot 

-inej is just gonna sew the wound herself!!!! a legend!!!!!!  -and then inej just STABBING THE DARKLING and kaz BONKING A VOLCRA ON THE HEAD -i love them with my whole stupid heart i love them  -like.......something something the best characters in this bright stunning magic world are the non-magical characters vibing on an entirely different plotline  - ~wring magic out of the ordinary~ 

-it is necessary to have the bones under alina’s skin. no  -noooooooooooooooooooo -noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! 

-mal saying “you’ll wish you killed me here!” oh boy yeah he will!!!!! also, you tell him, mal 

-milo coming in HOT  -goat ex machina 

-“telling you half a story is not the same as lying” what are you, a child???? -man alina fucking slam dunks him in the tent! good for her. 

-i love snarky characters but again. jesper does it ALL THE TIME that his lines start to sound repetitive or he’s just doing snarky plot nutshelling 

-“remember who’s driving” WHAT ARE YOU, A CHILD?????? -in the last two episodes specifically i was like ‘WHAT is with this dialogue???’

-alina: /reaching for mal on the skiff  me: are you gonna. do the hint  me: oh well it’s fine if you don’t, alina deserves that 

-actually, i would kill for The New Crew of kaz, inej, jesper, alina, mal, and zoya -what a team..........what a time......... me: kaz is gonna say the thing he’s gonna say it kaz: the deal is the deal me: /fingerguns at the tv 

-oh re: is kaz too soft here  -................................actually yeah, maybe a little 

-with kaz having the hair pin instead of alina and mal selling the pin(s) for money, how will the darkling find alina? -not necessarily a BAD thing. just a thought 

-overall, did i like it??????? i don’t know!! some things were enjoyable!! sure failed at A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, THOUGH  -i do know i’m gonna reread six of crows, though 

-i just had a terrible thought. if we get a season 2 and they do the sea whip there's gonna be so many dawn treader jokes, aren't there.