#i think they do? but i’m being too impatient in my re read to find out so

[thelilylav]

I’m not saying a lot but I AM saying that John and Sam should’ve been allowed to kiss at least once

[cooki3face]

divine feminine/divine masculine update & twin flame update : 8-23-23

Lol, I’m so tired guys, I started school this week, sprained my finger, and the mercury retrograde just started. So it begins, lol anyways let’s get started, these types of readings are made for those in high level soul mate connections or twin flame relationships and connections but if that’s not the case for you and you still find some level of resonance by all means, all guest are welcome. I really love the idea of Monica Bellucci and Jensen Ackles side by side and I don’t know why we didn’t get a romance movie with the two of them together I think it’s rude.

***

divine feminine update:

Divine feminine is really trying hard to do right by herself here or bring Justice in towards her by remaining in the right energy. Her energy has shifted or has taken a little bit of detour from the energy she was in prior or just not too long ago. She may feel tempted by emotion and driven to be impulsive or step into karmic cycles out of boredom or out of impatience here as well. She’s really trying to mindful of her choices, her thoughts, her words and her actions. Trying not to respond to conflict or participate in gossip or speaking negatively or trying not to step into karmic energies or move out of her feminine energy to try and pull things towards her or force things towards her.

She’s showing her strength here and her resilience with this nine of wands upright. She’s trying to ground herself and be strong and brave when she’s feeling the pull of karmic cycles, her divine masculine, and aspects of the ego like anxiety and fear. I see her feeling a little stuck and stagnant as well or feeling as though she’s not getting her flowers or the reward she deserves for the amount of inner work she’s doing here. She could also be feeling distracted and may be feeling as though she has a short attention span or is having a hard time focusing and applying herself in areas of her life that are particularly important to her despite her energy just recently being the opposite. The resurfacing of old emotions and even current emotions can be distracting and really heavy for her to carry at this time.

Divine feminine could be very heavily fixating on past people, past situations and past relationships/connections and/or conflicts that she’s since moved on for, even those she released and moved on from for good valid reasons. She’s also feeling very nostalgic for her divine masculine and fixating on what caused them to fall into separation, past versions of the connection, the influence of other karmic feminines from the past and even enjoyable moments they spent together as well. All of this collectively making her feel a little at a loss in multiple aspects. Feeling very wounded or lonely. And really causing a lot of turbulence in her mind and heart at this time. Divine feminine may be also seeing other people in relationships at this time and is forgetting to receive and consume those things as confirmation that reconciliation is coming for her and is taking them in as a sore reminder that she’s by herself or in separation with her divine masculine at this time.

In her physical life divine feminine may be trying to stay disciplined or grounded in her work, goals, and endeavors but may be feeling very bored and overall very stuck. She may find herself being hard on herself for being tired or not feeling able to show up and devote as much time and attention as she was recently into her work and her goals. At this time, she feels the most disconnected from her divine masculine as she’s ever had in a long time, and therefore disconnected from herself because her divine masculine and her shame the same soul. She feels very ungrounded and out of alignment and even like her values and previous boundaries and standards are wavering under the pressure of emotion and loneliness.

divine feminine to her divine masculine:

“Save the date.” Divine feminine is incredibly ready to tie the knot and come into Union with divine masculine. Her sights are set on marriage. Divine feminine remember what you’re doing all of this for. Remember what you deserve.

“Tired of chasing you.” Divine feminine feels as though even still, she is chasing after divine masculine in spirit due to how badly she misses him and is looking for his companionship and waiting for his arrival. Divine feminine this is not the case, you have evolved too much to physically step back into the energy of chasing. Remember that he can not be any further from you than you are from yourself. His heart is within yours. His heart is yours.

“You make me feel weak in the knees, I don’t want you to see that.”

“I support you.” Divine feminine has been using her energy to send divine masculine love and support while she focuses on her own growth and expansion.

“Love yourself. Make me proud.”

“I want to gain your trust back.”

“Please.”

“One week.”

“Do you still think about me?”

-

advice from spirit:

“Remain confident and hold onto your faith and your values divine feminine you are right on the brink of receiving all of your blessings. Don’t give up. It is normal to feel tired or want to give up when you’re the closest to winning or succeeding you’ve ever been before. Your manifestation is right ahead of you, you just don’t see it yet. The best thing you can do is work on these emotions that are coming up and continue to show yourself compassion and serve yourself Justice by pushing to come into alignment with yourself once again. Honor your inner child, honor emotions that you feel deeply. This too shall pass. Remember all that you feel coming. Remember your worth and remember what you deserve to reserve and remain loyal to your higher self and to your manifestations. Everything you do, do it only out of love. Remember, remember, remember what you’re doing all of this for. Do not doubt your intuition in the belief that good things are coming for you and you are right on the cusp of receiving them. Remove your divine masculine as a separate entity outside of yourself out of the equation. His physical form does not matter. His spirit is yours. He is your soul. Separate you are nothing. The only thing you can do is pour all of your energy into yourself and push through this storm with all of your might. Surrender. Embrace oneness.

***

divine masculine update:

Divine masculine is constantly having breakthroughs and becoming more conscious and aware of this twin flame connection and the love and passion he feels for his divine feminine. He’s realizing a lot, he’s growing, she’s making shifts and getting ready to step into his power and follow his divine feminine into the new timeline she’s entering all on her own. He’s still growing and readying himself to come forward though his karmic is proving herself a distraction at this time and trying to pull him out of his inner work and keep him away from coming towards divine feminine.

But, divine masculine knows he’s not in alignment with his higher self because of this karmic relationship and where he stands at this time and he feels very alone and disconnected from divine feminine now that he better understands her and understands their love and their connection. He knows there’s no place else he’s supposed to be. He’s preparing to bring Justice to the connection and to himself by releasing this karmic and coming towards his divine feminine. He’s pushing through these last phases of standing outside of union with his divine feminine and trying to learn his karmic lessons and center himself before he comes in. Much like divine feminine he is experiencing the Storm before everything calms down again and is quiet and still.

Divine feminine and divine masculine are so incredibly close to Union it is only a matter of time before everything falls into alignment and they meet again. The synchronicities in my message cards and in the tarot spreads between divine masculine and divine feminine are incredible. They’re mirroring each other so intensely. They are surrendering to the connection, they are coming into true oneness with one another. Divine masculine is doubting his divine feminine is waiting for him or open to receiving him just as she doubts out of fear that he is coming back to get her. Divine masculine fears and doubts that their wish fulfillment of Union and manifestations aren’t going to come in due to the feeling of delay even though they feel them near and resonate with them so deeply.

Divine masculine is feeling incredibly upset, sad and heart broken at the distance he perceives to be between him and divine feminine. He misses her deeply and dearly. He is gathering all his courage and all of his might to come towards divine feminine very soon. He’s feeling stuck where he is and with the circumstances he’s dealing with in his life and it’s taking everything in him not to run towards divine feminine before he feels like he’s ready or has tied up all his loose ends, gotten rid of the karmic and prepared everything to come into union with her. He want’s everything to be perfect for divine feminine. He’s been saving up a lot of money or putting aside funds because he’s planning to come with a gift or some sort of large gesture.

He’s focusing on his work right now, hustling and stacking up his money so he can come ready and bless his divine feminine and shower her in gifts and abundance. He could even be looking at houses or engagement rings or he’s readying himself to move her out of her home (wherever she’s living) so they can share a home or a space together. He’s planning all of this behind the scenes. When he comes in this will be big, he will have everything covered. Everything taken care of. He’s preparing so fiercely for this transition and this is what’s keeping him motivated and in alignment with himself.

At night when he can’t be productive or when he’s supposed to be resting he is left with his thoughts and feels depressed and sad that his divine feminine isn’t around, he’s feeling restless or has been losing sleep, I believe he’s having nightmares or even crying himself to sleep at night. Nights are the hardest for divine masculine right now and divine feminine may even be feeling this energy in her own restlessness and sleep schedule, staying up late, sleeping in too late, being tired, not being able to get to sleep quickly or sleep that well, waking up in the middle of the night or at 2-3 in the morning.

He’s so intensely in love and he’s feeling it very deeply.

divine masculine to his divine feminine:

“I want to make you feel special.” Divine masculine sees the worth in his divine feminine. He knows it’s his right to value her.

“My souls-purpose is to love you & be loved by you.”

“focusing on my money right now.” What did I say?? He’s putting money together.

“I’d never betray you.” He’s asking in such a deeply profound way that she trust in him and know that he would never betray her even if that’s what it may seem like that from an outside perspective. He’s hopelessly devoted.

“You’re always on my mind.”

“I want to come towards you.”

“I didn’t deserve what you put me through.” He realizes how deep of a hurt it is to be without his divine feminine now. His heart is broken. Her taking the step to step away from him shook him awake.

“You are home.”

“Show the world how special you are, my love.” Divine masculine is supporting and rooting for divine masculine just as deeply and loudly as she is for him.

“Telepathically communicate with me.” Divine masculine is talking to divine feminine through dreams and even in his waking life hoping she hears him and she does.

“I’m hoping you haven’t moved on from me.”

“You make me feel safe.”

“I’m tired of chasing you.” Yet another synchronicity. They both feel the longing and the desire to run towards each other. They’re tired of being apart.

“One week.” !!!

“Third party”

“I miss your voice.”

“I know you’re losing patience.”

“I want to spoil you.” More confirmation. Big gifts coming in. Hearing “thank you to my man.”

“Save the date.” Divine masculine is ready to get married too!

“you’re my little love.”

“Manifest me.”

“I know I have to come in before it’s too late.”

-

advice from spirit:

“Allow the existence of these karmic relationships and karmic patterns to fall away and come to the surface. Be strong and face such things with the upmost courage and determination. Everything will be okay. It is okay to feel the pain of being in separation or feel discouraged or afraid but do not let it consume you because it is within our own plan that you two come together regardless of what happens or where you are in your lives. Be secure in knowing that knowing can predate or outlive or disrupt this connection. It is within our plan that you come into union within this life. Your time is now. Trust in us. Don’t allow jealousy or fear that she is with someone else discourage you or take over your mind. Those things are not real. If she were with someone else you know deep in your heart and soul that they could not replace you or be larger than you are in her heart and vision. You are apart of her. At every moment. In any circumstance. She cannot part from you. Not even in death. Step into your divine masculine energy , step into your power and come towards her upright and ready and be brave. Honor your heart break it is proof that she is where you belong. That your heart belongs in the safety of hers.

***

Songs 🎶:

Weak- SWV

You’re Always On My Mind- SWV

(Sang them both religiously while channeling and shuffling for this entire reading)

***

I love you! Quick good-bye cause my finger is hurting and I’ve neglected to take care of it and go to a medical professional lmfao! 💋 book a personal reading with and don’t forget I’m having a 10$ mercury retrograde reading the entire mercury retrograde!!

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

what do you think the tsar thinks of the darkling lmaoo ?? in the book he seemed naive and trusting,like when he was presented the sun summoner and wanted to talk to him about future plans. What about in emminence grise-verse? does he suspect the affair between tatiana and aleksander? what is the court's general opinion on Alina and the darkling both individually and as a unit?? are they a hot topic in the gossip rags/os alta royal court society papers?

I talked a bit about this before

Copying some of that over: I think the dynamic with the Tsar is rather belligerent at the moment, if not full on overtly antagonistic. Just in general, I think the Tsar likes to foist off most responsibility about the minutiae of governance onto others, a pretty large portion of which goes to the Darkling. Despite that, he resents him for running his country for him, and also is often impatient with him for being all business all the time, when he himself is super not. But I think he also is rather insecure about it and quick to feel insulted? As if the Darkling is like trying to make him look bad or be passive aggressive about it. (I mean he probably kind of is, and he’s generally not great at hiding disdain).

For that reason, I think he’s often eager to knock the Darkling down a peg, and to pull rank whenever he feels like it to remind him who’s actually in charge. I think he likes to jerks him around on a whim? He’ll drag his feet on things that seem important to him or just be contrary which can put them in a tough spot because the only thing the Darkling really cares about are military matters 😭😭

So that’s my baseline interpretation of their dynamic. I think things are exacerbated in this fic though because it’s been longer since Alina’s been found and she hasn’t magically solved all of Ravka’s problems.

But all in all, I think the Tsar views him as a self serious stick in the mud, who’s dumb enough to want to do all the work, but at least he gets decent results even if he oversteps and seems to think too highly of himself. He also finds the unaging factor really off putting and weird, so he views him as a freak to boot.

We get very little about the Tsar’s personality in the books, beyond him just being pretty vile. My usual interpretation isn’t that he’s like naive necessarily, rather than just so complacent and secure in his power and position, while also unwilling to shoulder much responsibility himself. Usual decadent noble stuff.

As for the rumors, I think he doesn’t spare them much thought to care about whether it’s true or not. My impression of their dynamic is that he just so supremely does not care about Tatiana that he doesn’t even care through even the most impersonal patriarchal lens of like someone sleeping with his wife being a threat to his masculinity or whatever. There’s very little to extrapolate from but fwiw my read is also that she probably just slept around a lot early on to see if she could make him jealous/just to get any sort of attention, and could not.

Anyway I think it’s pretty telling that Tatiana seems to be the only one who feels threatened by it being an open secret that Nikolai is a bastard. Similarly, if the Tsar has any strong feelings about being cuckholded, they’re going to be directed towards this more prescient instance rather than one more rumor out of many.

The current conflict between the Tsar and the Darkling (Alexander and Aleksander lmao this is why I’m using just titles here) stems mostly from: the Apparat whispering in his ear that the Darkling is far too arrogant and oversteps, and also the long storied Sun Summoner not really garnering much in the way of Results. Her acting as a ferry through the Shadow Fold is well and good but like… this has been disappointing!

Re: the court’s opinions. It varies to an extent. Alina is simultaneously less and more of a novelty. The actual awe has diminished, it’s been some time since she was discovered. And like doing the same light shows at dinner parties gets boring 😴. But she offers fresh entertainment currently because the engagement/imminent wedding is a fun new topic that draws her out and forces her to socialize more. And I think there’s generally some interest because like she’s Grisha marrying into the royal family, there’s probably some level of scandal that the second son is being married before the first (Vasily is not pleased, even if it was his father’s decision). And also I think it was rather well known that she and Nikolai, who was himself practically an unknown quantity at court until recently, were uninterested in the match until suddenly it seems like… there are? So there’s definitely like the scrutiny and gossip you would expect with any sort of high profile marriage.

As for the drama between her and the Darkling, his reputation for keeping very separate from everyone else, and the fact that he’s ageless and immortal, has been doing a lot of heavy lifting, up until the start of the fic at least. And before all the drama began, he had been pretty careful to keep things secret (even if it was more motivated by keeping Alina at arms length than by actually caring about no one knowing). But yeah he is uh… not being that subtle anymore.

I think, generally, everyone can tell that there’s some conflict happening between him and Alina. But the question of what they’re fighting over or the exact nature of their dynamic remains pretty open. I think he’s kind of been thought of as her de facto guardian almost? So people aren’t quite jumping to the conclusion that they’re having an affair. But they can only be so messy and dramatic before more people catch on.

As for the general views on him, I think up until present day, there’s been some resignation to the fact that he’s just painfully uninteresting. One reason why like twenty year old, deliberately planted, gossip about how he may have slept with the Tatiana is still considered relevant. Like he only gives a damn about military affairs and doesn’t even stay at court if he can help it. His canon reputation for being scary af remains, but jaded courtiers would be inoculated to that. So most of them would have just given up on him providing any real gossip or ROI on all the Mysterious Vibes, but now he’s finally breaking decades old patterns and that’s going to have a ripple effect

[rwrbmovie]

RE: Alex Claremont-Diaz

Quotes from interviews on #RWRBMovie about the character of Alex Claremont-Diaz

This post will be updated as content is released

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Last updated: August 9

From Glamour

“I never imagined I’d read a book with a queer Latine character at the centre—a character who is smart and passionate and flawed and hopeful,” López tells Glamour. “I think having this book in my life when I was younger might have made it a little easier. I knew immediately that I wanted to bring it to the screen.”

“The core of Alex [from the book] is still in the film,” he says. “He's just so ambitious, loyal, charismatic, and smart. That intelligence was one of my fears about playing Alex—he's not playing at it or trying to be smart. That's just how he was raised, how he was educated. I'm not saying I'm not smart, but whew. His brain never stops.” He continues, “With Alex, there's such a growing up process. He's like a man child in a way. He's really impulsive and stubborn, and he's insecure with his parents. His dad's a congressman and his mom's the president. He feels the weight of the high expectations placed on him due to his position, and he struggles with feelings of inadequacy. You see how hard it is for him to balance his personal and professional life. He's had sexual experiences with guys in the past, but he doesn't lead with it. I think it's not even top of mind. He's kissing girls at a New Year's party. And then Henry comes and kind of forces him to grow up and go, 'Oh, I'm really into this.' It turns into love, and his identity and family and relationships become even more important. I love that about Alex. Because who knows? If there's an alternative universe, who knows what would have happened if he didn't meet Henry? What if he didn't find a purpose or a higher path for himself other than just being a powerful politician?”

From People

As for his character, "Alex is driven by ambition and strives for success in everything he does," the actor adds. "He is willing to stand up for what he believes in and is fiercely loyal to his family and friends. He’s also incredibly stubborn, impulsive and impatient."

From Deadline

“One of the reasons I wanted to make this movie is because there was a American-Mexican lead and I wanted — I’m Puerto Rican, and like Alex in the film, I’m biracial. I have a white mother and a Puerto Rican father, and Alex has a white mother and a Mexican father.”

From TV Times

‘When Henry makes a move, it throws Alex into a state of confusion until he realises he really likes this person,’ says Taylor, 31. ‘Alex is on his own journey, but the relationship between the two characters grow until it is a runaway train, and it's too late to stop!'

From BroadwayWorld

I definitely relate a lot to Alex. I think Alex was my way into the story. I have very very little first-hand knowledge of what it means to be a prince. Alex is a person in the world. I am a queer, biracial person from the American South, just like Alex, my mom is white, my dad is Puerto Rican, and Alex's dad is Mexican. So there's a lot of ways in which Alex is sort of placed in the world. I come from working class family just like Alex did. So there was a lot of overlap. And then of course, there's a lot of ways in which we have nothing in common. But those places where we do, I got him and it really sort of, I felt like in some ways I could tell the story through his eyes. Alex was always my way into the story for sure.

From The Queer Review

“When I read this book, even in my 40s, I had never encountered a character like Alex Claremont-Diaz before. It took that long for me to read a book with a character like that, who was biracial, Mexican-American, bisexual, smart, smart-ass, funny, charming and flawed in the best way possible. When I was contemplating making this film, I knew that I was asking for the opportunity to bring that character into the world in a movie. I have never seen Alex Claremont-Diaz before in a movie and it’s really important to me that my first film has a Latin lead at its centre, that the hero of the story, the person who takes us through this journey, is this young, biracial, Mexican-American boy. That’s why I made the film.”

From PinkNews

As he sped through McQuiston's book, it was the character of Alex who immediately struck a chord. Alex is biracial, he's born in Texas, his mother's home state,, but his father Oscar is of Mexican descent. "I'm a queer Puerto Rican, and I think if I had had access to Alex Claremont-Diaz as a younger man, I might have had an easier path in life," López says.

From Windy City Times

It isn't an accident that my first movie has at its center a young Latino lead. It is a character that I have never encountered in fiction or film before. It was important to me to tell the story of this young man and his journey to self-discovery through the love of this prince. Whatever we say in the film about the experience of being Latin in America is very intentional. Conversations with Taylor and Clifton Collins Jr., who plays his dad, were about making sure that we didn't hit people over the head with it. We wanted it to be natural and be evident in the characters within the story. We didn't need to point to it but wanted it to be there and be clear.

[waldensblog]

I find myself enjoying eclipse less than I did like 10 years ago. And I think it's for multiple reasons.

1. Edward turns up the dial on being terrible. 

Like by the end of Twilight, I wasn't his number 1 fan, but I could at least see how Bella fell for him - even with the red flags. I still wanted her to not but I could get it you know (I was a teen once after all)?

Then in Eclipse when he should be trying to prove himself after New Moon, he is... Breaking her truck, conspiring with his family to kidnap her and keep her away from her best friend? Being SEETHINGLY angry when she does shit without his permission, yelling and scaring his own family - and it's just like... Dear Lord. 

Then he's just doing a 180 and I'm like... Uh Bella? Don't trust that. Holy crap he showed a side of himself that all the love bombing in the WORLD won't make me unsee (and being older now, I cannot/will not overlook it as a reader). I don’t know if SMeyer wants us to overlook it and be like “oh look, Edward grows and changes!” but I sure as hell ain’t. 

If Bella left his ass by mid-book that’d be cool, but nah, she’s forgiving him because he’s “changed” (I don’t trust like that) and she refuses to listen to everyone telling her it’s not healthy.

2. Jacob starts great, and then has his own 180 ?!?! 

Like while Edward is being an asshat and kidnapping her, Jacob stages a jailbreak. He tells her things she needs to know (re Victoria. Even though it shouldn't be news...), and even tries to point out that Edward is controlling/abusive. It's easy to say "ah he just wants her to choose him" and yes obviously he does, but he isn't wrong when he points out needing your bf's permission to do anything is fucked. The first half of the book, I feel like it's leaning to her ultimately choosing Jacob because jfc the difference is staggering.

So we spend the first like 300 pages making Edward increasingly more villainous and Jacob seem like the better choice, and I’m cheering for her to dump Edward and go for Jacob, then, chapter 14 rolls around and Jacob undergoes a 180 where he becomes impatient in the truck and honking the horn, then forcefully kisses Bella and starts acting like a complete ass, even threatening suicide. What the fuck happened? Did Smeyer realize halfway through the book that maybe if she wanted to end the series with E/B that she shouldn't write Edward so awful and chose to compensate like this instead of reworking the first half of the book?!?! Like I’m reading this and wondering wtf happened? This doesn’t really feel like the Jacob from New Moon or the first half of eclipse to me.

3. Bella flipflopping on vampirism. 

On the one hand she wants to be a vampire, like now, and spend eternity with Edward (but not marry him because she doesn't want to get married at 18 - just vamped forever, apparently). 

On the other she has doubts and panics when she realizes how little time in her human life she has. She doesn’t know how to say goodbye, and she knows she’s going to miss so many people, especially her dad (though her mom, her former best friend, appears to have just dropped out of concern largely). 

Then when people see her fear and say she can wait she insists that it's totally what she wants, which screams to me that she really is rushing into it so she can't change her mind and that's... A TERRIBLE reason, Bella.

And all that "it's my choice" rubs me the wrong way now that I'm older because she's too damn young to make such a permanent choice (a fact she partially recognizes, but the obsession about not being older than Edward seems to cloud her judgement) AND when your choice negatively affects everyone around you (her family, friends, potential victims) it just doesn't fly with me. Like no, I don't respect your choice to commit self-harm/suicide and become a potential murdery-monster in a cult just to stay with your first love wtf?!?! I’m with Rosalie on this one - she’s so far my fave of the Cullens even if she’s on thin fucking ice with me for going along with shit like kidnapping. 

Reminds me of the Little mermaid and our collective reactions to Ariel’s “I’m 16 years old, I’m not a child”

Now... despite all of this, I can still rationalize it, I can still find a way to make it make sense in the context of the story - even if I personally don’t love them behaving this way.

I can understand Bella forgiving Edward and trying to make it work, she’s completely blinded by love (and in my mind, absolutely fucking under thrall or “dazzled” as she puts it), and she finds excuses for it. When Edward hears other people’s thoughts relating to how batshit insane he’s being, he probably starts lovebombing so she won’t run like the fucking wind. She, being young, naive and under thrall, doesn’t. I can rationalize it, even if I’d rather she start realizing the thrall/abuse and ditch his ass.

I can understand Jacob becoming a bit... desperate, and acting out. His best friend fucked off to Italy on a suicide mission to save her ex-bf who abandoned her in a very brutal way. That ex-bf and his family is directly responsible for him and all his friends shifting into wolves and needing to take all these night shifts looking out for Victoria and co., leaving them all sleep-deprived as they carry this burden they shouldn’t have to. That best friend then takes said ex-bf back, and has to sneak around to see him - but then gets kidnapped by said ex-bf and his family, calls him to tell him, and then he does a jail-break. Every time she comes to see him, she’s scared to go home and incur his wrath. She’s very clearly in an abusive relationship, but she won’t see it - no matter how many times you point it out, and there’s a matter of weeks before she literally kills herself and joins the cult that is responsible for all this shit. So I get it... I can understand how a 16 year old werewolf might go balls to the walls insane when he sees like 2 weeks left to stop this nuke - but that doesn’t excuse it. It doesn’t excuse it at all, and it’s just disappointing af to me, and leaves me wanting a redemption arc for this character who was such a cinnamon roll in New moon and who I was rooting for this whole time. 

I can understand Bella being unsure what she wants, and fear making her hammer down on a decision. She’s still in love/under thrall, and when the doubts start popping up, she just wants to quiet them, because the idea of not being with Edward is painful to her. I get it - I’ve been a teenager in love, I’ve excused shitty behaviour, I’ve thought to myself “yes I will totes spend forever with him”. Of course, the worst thing that I could have done is marry the dude, whereas in Bella’s case... the worst thing she can do is... much worse than that, and she doesn’t want to think about it, because it’s either Vampire with Edward, or no Edward, basically - at some point, they’d break up, and she can’t fathom it. If only she’d just wait until Thanksgiving after graduation... ah the famous Turkey Dump. 

Basically, the characters are all shitty to each other, and I don’t like seeing it, but I can still understand it. This time around, the fun of the newborn army and Victoria making a final stand isn’t as fun to me, because the books are really emotion/relationship driven more than plot-driven, so there’s so much characters being shitty to one another that it’s def making me enjoy it less than I used to. I think this was my fave of the series cuz of the plot - but now? Ehhh, I prefer New Moon. It still ultimately is “landing” for me in the sense that it makes sense, but... I’m not quite as excited to read this last half as I was the first half, or as excited as I was reading New Moon.

I’m also trying to figure out if it can reasonably end with Eclipse, because though I plan to re-read BD to give it an adult POV review, I remember hating BD, and I still hate the details of BD so I imagine it’s gonna be torture for me lol. If Eclipse ends on a note where I could reasonably headcanon/fanfic the ending I’d prefer*, then I’ll be happy enough with it.

So far, Twilight got 4/5 for me, New Moon 4.5/5, and Eclipse I’ll prob give... uhhh... 4? Maybe 3.5? I guess we’ll see how the rest goes. BD I can’t see me giving a passing grade but who knows. 

*The ending I prefer will be the subject of another post after I finish Eclipse.

[du04]

February Wrap-Up

Hi everyone, hope February has treated you well. Hope you've been up to some cool things.

This month’s wrap-up is, in the manner of this very same month, rather short (at least on paper, it felt like 5 years to me). Hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3

Games

On the first of this month, I woke up to the trailer of Death Stranding 2. Being a fan of the original one, this was great news, and the release date being foreseen in 2024, I will definitely find a proper time to replay it before the second instalment, since it will probably come to PC ‘only’ in 2026. Regarding the trailer itself, I was surprised at how different it is from the first teaser and my mind was blown. I also can’t wait for the film :)

For what I actually, played, here goes:

Powerwash Simulator, as mentioned in my 2023 Wrap-Up, I have been playing this game (only) while listening to audiobooks and podcasts, which is a perfect combination, as it helps me to release steam/pressure while listening to a long passage of something stressful and/or awful happening.

Played some more Immortal Fenyx (see last month’s review, still a great game)

Made a spreadsheet of games I haven’t finished, to try and complete them, so I played some Hue (last opened on 27th December 2022!) and I think I’m close to finishing it but also not feeling bothered. Same reason for playing a little bit of The House of Da Vinci, which I last opened in June 2023.

I don’t think this method of forcing myself to play was a great idea because if you take the latter, it is a well-made game, but my mindset is to just finish as quickly as possible, which is hindering my enjoyment

Books

Dirt Town by Hayley Scrivenor is a dark mystery set in a small Australian rural town. A 12-year-old girl does not come home, the investigation on her disappearance digs up collateral secrets.

I found this to be a complete page-turner. In terms of structure and even themes, I found it similar to Beartown, which is an (audio)book I really enjoyed too. Revolving third-person POVs, small-town inhabitants and their secrets, a crime at the centre of the story, the name of the place consisting of an adjective related to the place + town (lol). Just a couple of funny similarities, the story is wildly different with unique characters.

Dirtown is more of a character study with a mystery at its centre, rather than the opposite. The events unravelling in the narrators lives as we’re going through the investigation are the main thrilling events. This makes for an easy re-read. I absolutely loved learning about the different characters, and it’s been a while since a book has made me impatient and excited to go home to continue reading.

The last few pages really made me cry.

4.75/5

I will be looking forward to Hayley Scrivenor’s next book; I’ve heard she’ll keep her characters’ depth and fullness at the centre of her writing, which is a great thing, and that it’ll be happening in a small town, which is a setting I tend to love.

I started but did not finish Internet for the People. A subtitled “manifesto” that talks about how technology and capitalism affect the internet and society. It explores different ideas for making the internet more democratic. This book focuses specifically on why and how the internet came to be a privatised business tool, focusing on the United States. I tend to skim synopsis, and picking this up, I thought it would be about how the internet and the web are being reappropriated by small communities, which it is not.

I would have liked a different angle than this one took, but that’s just due to my own expectations and interests. DNF at 30%.

I really thought I would have finished my current graphic novel read and the first volume of Crime and Punishment, or any other book, but I didn’t; I haven’t felt like doing much at all but binge-watch Gilmore girls.

Podcasts

Overthink. I stumbled upon this lovely podcast where the two hosts, who are Doctors in Philosophy, discuss contemporary, everyday topics through a philosophical lens. I’ve listened to the episodes on anxiety (the best episode so far), nostalgia (a few insightful comments) and cottagecore (big fan of David’s points in this one). I highly recommand, it is entertaining, smart, and very accessible.

Music

Discovered 1001 Albums, I can’t commit to doing anything every single day so it’s not for me, but it’s a brilliant idea: everyday it gives you one album to listen to, I did it for one day, and it was (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?, I thought most of the songs sounded the same lol, but they are fine nonetheless. I’ve always liked the song Don’t Look Back in Anger.

I also bought a cheap concert ticket for Nils Frahm in May :)

Series

In the second half of the month, I wasn’t so much in a gaming mood (or anything mood), and feeling quite low, I ended up continuing Gilmore girls after a 2-month break. I’m glad I took such a break because I believe ‘binge-watching’ it made me feel too accustomed. Coming back to the humour made me laugh again, just like at the beginning.

Also, happy to hear Evil season 4 is releasing in May! So glad it’s getting a proper ending, and I’m sure it will be well-rounded.

Films

Saltburn (2023) was aesthetically strong but highly underwhelming in its narrative. It started out great, but is So Empty, it really shocked me. I thought it was the perfect example of the word “pretentious”, that is, it pretends to be something it is not (too often I feel like this word is not employed the right way, used as a synonym for snobbish or highbrow when it really should not be). Barry Keoghan truly shines in this, and I still had a relatively entertaining time.

I watched Heat (1995) without knowing much about it, it was on MUBI and about to leave, and was vaguely aware of it because of this thing:

And wow! The tension is perfect, capturing my attention completely, I loved all the silence, as well as the minimalist soundtrack and dialogues. I would rewatch it if the occasion presented itself.

Passages (2023) was fine, and I want to see more messy and emotionally impulsive main characters like in this film.

Birdman (2014), I remember my mum raving about it when it first came out, and as it was leaving MUBI (you can see a pattern here) I gave it a try. Some shots were truly ingenious, and storywise, I always love a touch of magical realism. I feel, had I been more familiar with the Broadway scene, I would have more to think about.

Misc

Philosophy

I’ve been looking online for remote-learning certificates (1 year max) in Philosophy from regular universities but didn’t find anything that I found interesting, affordable, completely remote and part-time (I mean, with those criteria I’m not surprised). I ended up enrolling in the EDX course on Introduction to Philosophy, and it’s a lot of fun. The approach to teaching is satisfying and I appreciate the humour. The topic of God’s non/existence is taken as a canvas to learn about philosophical “grammar”, as well as learning about existing arguments, which I find highly enjoyable. There’s still a lot to learn with this course and beyond: exciting :)

Quiz: MLQ

I stumbled upon this very short questionnaire that assesses your level of “Presence”(feeling of meaning in life) and “Search” (active exploration and pursuit of meaning). I took it just for fun as my attitude towards meaning is “be busy, enjoy things” and I’m the last person to think about the significance of my life, as it is non-existent, and I think this concept is a little bit ridiculous, just a little bit.

If you’re interested in trying it out, go directly to the last page and only after read the results on the 2nd page. > Here <

Cooking

I used to be a self-described cook and food enjoyer until January 2023 when the spirit of Auguste Gusteau decided it had enough of me and left my body. From then on, I had to be on my own, which consisted of me making pasta salads, some protein with rice, and later on Basic Bagels, tortellini, and instant noodles for 6 months straight. Well, this month changed a little bit as I made 1 recipe! Woo-hoo! Thanks to this recipe with 5 ingredients: bread, sour cream, jalapeños, egg and chorizo. Easy, filling and relatively healthy? And that’s it… one step at a time, right?

Life

This month felt so long. When I realised that early January was only two months ago, I could sense a feeling of existential crisis peeking out of my heart (which I promptly whacked back in 👍).

Broke up with the BF.

Been feeling mentally tired. Didn’t feel like doing anything, nor felt like reviewing anything. Hence, why this month’s post is relatively succinct.

Started learning how to dance a bit. Loving the warm days and the collapse of humanity they’re bringing with them. Enjoying my solitude. Planned a trip to Budapest with a friend.

[wat-the-cur]

I made a resolution to read more too! I try to say one a month is good enough and I say childrens books that you can read in like an hour count. I didnt want to say 'only read adult literature and read as much as you can' cause i'd burn out doing that. I've read ten so far this year. I read three kids books in Jan and took all of February to read one aduĺt book. Im trying to just be easy on myself yknow.

Ten already, that’s so cool, buddy! Keep it up! Honestly, whatever it is you are reading, a book a month is damn good going. Children’s books absolutely count as substantial reading. I have several in my “To Read” list. You mind if I ask what you’ve read? I love to hear what people like.

Those are good rules you’ve made. I think the main reason I’m personally struggling now, is again my online activity. I find it very difficult to focus on anything after being online, even fanfiction which ought to be easier for familiarity. That said, reading is still a bit tricky for me when I’m offline, though definitely easier. I feel a lot of guilt about the way I read and how I think about books. Even when I’m enjoying a book, I get impatient to finish, because I know there are a lot of other books I’m excited to try. And finishing a book takes me a long time, because I have to re-read a lot to make sure I’ve understood a sentence, or paragraph properly. I feel guilty for it, like I’m somehow not built for reading, or that I don’t appreciate books correctly.

I think it’s just a matter of practice and persistence, though, like anything else. I was getting to read much more smoothly, before the end of lent. I want to get to that point again and make it permanent. Reading every day really felt good! I found some things I really enjoyed, too.

I read “The Go-Between” by L. P. Hartley, after watching the film (which I originally only watched for the brief appearances of Roger Lloyd-Pack) and loved it. Also, “Midnight Movies” by J. Hoberman and Jonathan Rosenbaum, a non-fiction book about, well, midnight movies. I ate that up. I only recently read Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis”, and I cannot believe I left it so long. It actually had me in tears. Had I been any younger, I might have been distraught for days, but that is the sign of a great book!

Now, I’m part the way through “Dracula” and I really need to get back to it! I find the style interesting, but tricky. That said, I am strangely enjoying it much more since the entrance of Mina and Lucy, and Dr. Seward. I particularly like Mina, I think she’s lovely. Having let it rest so long, I am tempted to try something else. But no! I am determined to finish it!

Afterwards, I may well take a leaf out of your book and get into some children’s lit. My curiosity I currently piqued for the Oz books. I had “The Wizard of Oz” on audiobook as a child and adored it. So, I may see if I can get into the series. Also, the “Jeeves” books. Not for children, really, but I think they’ll are fun, pleasant reads.

Anyway, sorry for rambling! I really wish you many happy hours reading this year.

[jolienjoyswriting]

Little Red Fox (ft. Raikoo), Ch. I

Chapter 1 of "Little Red Fox," a fan fiction story.

Joseph finds that things are not always what they seem as he comes to the rescue of a little, red fox in the park.

Word count: 3,685 – Character count: 21,196 Drafted / Revised: October 2nd, 2022 –

So, Joshua is a newer acquaintance of mine.  I found him – and his lovely characters – through a commissioned art piece of his character "Red Fox" by one Nova Rain – who is also a newer acquaintance!

Anyways, I commented on it, Josh replied positively, so naturally… I scoured his Twitter for more info on Red.  I found a couple of pieces… and I also found out he had more characters in a similar vein as Red.  That eventually led me to discover a "smol fox" named "Raikoo".  Coincidentally… Raikoo was just what I was looking for in terms of inspiration!  Thus, a new story was written~

And no, there's no real reason this one's written in first-person.  It does, however, re-introduce something I'd given up on: "smart quotes"!  AKA, "curly quotes".  It's a minor thing in writing, but it has a huge impact.  Maybe.  I dunno.  I found a way to smartly do them, though, so dey back. Honestly, though, it makes very little difference on the blog.  My blog theme, "Indy", automatically converts "dumb quotes" to "smart" ones anyway… though it occasionally gets it wrong.  Heh.

Raikoo and related characters and concepts created by © Joshua Gannon Joseph Lithius and related characters and concepts created by and © Jo Li

[ ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → ]

    Hey there.  It’s time for another tale of me being a busybody and causing trouble!     For those who don’t know, I’m Joseph Lithius – just your average, olive-gold fox guy.  Average height, average weight…  I have glasses, spiky bangs with white-frosted tips, and I’ve been told the ends of my ears look like chocolate kisses.  Apparently, they also taste like chocolate kisses, too?  But, enough about me.  You’re here for a story, yes?  So, here’s one about a cool girl I met somewhat recently.

    I was at the city park, idly taking in the sights and sounds.  Kids were running around the grassy fields, laughing, cheering, and screaming as kids often do.  Some kids were playing in a jungle gym or a swingset, some were playing basketball or kickball, and some were simply lingering around.  There were a few older teens at the small skate park – which I try to avoid – and several people at the public pool within the park.  As for me?  I was situated on a bench near the park plaza, just people-watching.  It’s a hobby of mine!     Folks of all ages walked by and one-or-two even said “hello” as they passed.  I wasn’t paying as much attention as I could have been since I was eating an ice cream cone at the time, but I greeted the people who greeted me.  At some point, however, I heard a commotion.  When I looked around, I noticed that there was trouble at the nearby fountain.  I looked over, my ears perking, and I noticed that a little, red fox girl was seated at the fountain’s edge, arms crossed with an impatient – yet calm – look on her face.  A taller kid wearing a sleeveless T-shirt and a shorter kid wearing 3D glasses seemed to be harassing her.

    “Hey… that was very rude,” the girl plainly said to the duo.     “Aww, does Red want her book back?” the taller kid asked in a mocking tone, holding a novel over his head.  Was it hers?  She didn’t seem interested in trying to retrieve it.     “Yes, please,” she answered.”     She was trying to negotiate for it, though.  That was… kind of odd.     “What’ll ya give us for it?”     “Yeah!  What?” the shorter bully said in a wet way.  He was in the middle of eating a candied apple, from the look of it.     “Nothing,” the fox girl replied, softly smiling.     “Nothing?!”     The two jerks laughed with each other.  However, the fox girl just continued.     “I was reading that book,” she calmly explained, “and you took it out of my hands.  I think it’s only right if you give it back.  You wouldn’t want your parents to find out you’ve been misbehaving, would you?”     I wasn’t sure, but judging by that threat, the girl seemed to be losing patience.  Even so, the bullies laughed amongst themselves for a second time.     “Girly,” the tall one began, “my folks are in jail and his folks died!  No ‘rents, no rules!”     “Yeah!” the short one added.  “No rules!”     “Without rules,” the girl replied, “there’s only chaos.  Please, return my book.”     “What’ll you give us?”     Her smile finally broke.  “Just give me my book back, alright?”     “Or what?  You gonna cry, girly?”     “Yeah, you gonna cry?”       As the two bullies laughed at the girl, I decided I’d seen enough.  I slowly stood up, then I walked over to the scene and cleared my throat, getting their collective attention.     “Who’s this?” the tall kid asked.  “Is this your daddy?”     “Yeah, are you her daddy?” the short, round punk asked.     “Yes, I’m her dad,” I told them, giving a stern look to the pair.     “What?”  The girl’s fur bristled.  “He’s not my–”     “And I’d appreciate it if you’d give my daughter her book back.”     The bullies looked at each other.  Then… of course… they laughed at me.  Kids…     “What’re you gonna do if we don’t?” the one punk asked.  “You gonna beat us up?”     “Yeah!” the other followed.  “You gonna beat us up?”     “Dude,” the first said, looking at the second.  “Why do you always do that?”     “Yeah!  Why do– huh?”     The shorter one looked up at the taller one.     “You always repeat everything I say,” the tall one said with a scowl.     “Uh, sorry.”  The other bully laughed.  “It makes me feel tough!”     “Yeah, whatever…”  The tall one looked back over at me.  “Anyway!  Bring it, old man!”     I think both me and the tall kid expected the short guy to say “Yeah, bring it!” or something.  He didn’t, so the tall guy gave him a little thump on the arm.     “O-oh!”     And the short one took on a fighting pose.     “Y-yeah?  Bring it?”     That seemed to satisfy his friend.     “I’m not gonna fight a couple of kids,” I told the teenage butt-heads.  “There’s a police officer right over there who probably wouldn’t like that.”     “Hah!”  The tall bully laughed.  “I knew you were a–”     “They probably wouldn’t like you two picking on this little girl, either.”     “Hey…”  The girl frowned at me.  “I’m–”     “You think I give a damn about the police?”     The tall one inhaled.  Then… he said something loud, rude, and very stupid.  It was about time the police officer patrolling the park looked over.  And came over.

    “Alright,” the patrol officer said as she arrived.  “Which one of you screamed ‘blank the police’ at the top of their lungs?”     The tall bully puffed out his chest at the female officer.     “Me!  And it wasn’t ‘blank’, if was ‘f–’”     The officer whipped out a pair of handcuffs before the bully finished that thought.     “Whoa-whoa-whoa!!” the bully screamed, dropping the stolen book.  “T-time out!  You can’t arrest me!  Freedom of speech, bitch!”     “Disturbing the peace, ‘bitch’,” she spat back.  “There are kids in this park.  Hands behind your back.”     The two bullies looked at each other.  And then…     “Cheese it!!”     Then ran like hell.  Typical…       The police officer quietly shook her head, putting her cuffs back onto her belt.     “I swear, the next time I see those two…”     Not long after, she looked at us.     “Is that your book on the ground, Raikoo?”     The vixen nodded before getting up to collect it.  Wait, did those two know each other?     “Thank you, Officer Pamela,” she said with a smile.     “Just ‘Pamela’ works, Rai,” the officer said with a chuckle.     The girl softly giggled.  “Sorry.  I keep forgetting.”     Officer Pamela nodded.  She turned to me, next.     “Move along,” she told me in her “official” voice.     “Uh…”  I didn’t know how to respond to that.     “It’s okay, Off– it’s okay, Pamela.  He was trying to help.”     I looked over at the red fox girl.  She was smiling at me.     “Are you two friends?” Officer Pamela asked with a more relaxed tone.     “We just met,” was the fox’s reply.     “Ah, sorry.”  She tipped her policeman’s cap to us.  “Carry on.”     With that, she left to continue her patrol.

    “Hey.”     I blinked, my ears twitching.  The girl was still smiling at me.     “Thanks for trying to help,” she told me.     “You’re welcome?”     I tilted my head.  Was that all she had to say?     “Well, it was nice to meet you.”     Well, she did have her book back, so…     “Maybe we’ll see each other again, sometime?”     “Uh…”  That was kind of an odd thing for her to say.     “Or not?”  She softly shrugged.  “Enjoy the rest of your day!”     With that, she opened her book and went back to reading.     “W… hang on,” I said before I could stop myself.     She looked over her book.  “Yes?”     Augh.  Why did I say anything?  Honestly, after I failed to fix her situation, myself, I felt kind of dumb.  So, why was I trying to converse with her?     “That, uh, that book…” I began.  “What are you reading?”     “Oh, this?”  She offered another smile before handing the book over.  “It’s a World of Warcraft novel.  ‘Day of the Dragon’?”     I blinked, my ears perking.  “What?”  I looked at the cover.  It was, indeed, the Warcraft novel “Day of the Dragon”.     “Isn’t this a bit advanced for someone your age?” I asked.     Understandably, she did not take my brain-fart of a question well.       “I’m sorry?” she asked, her smile disappearing.  Pretty sure I’d ticked her off…     “W-well, I just mean…”  I handed the book back as I asked her, “Aren’t you a little young for this kind of book?”     “I think I’m in the right ‘age group’ for this sort of thing,” was her answer.     “Er… okay.”     She tilted her head, the slight irritation on her face fading.     “Wait.  Do you think…?”     Slowly, the smile came back… and she started giggling.     “Wh… what?” I asked, befuddled.  “What’s so funny?”     “Sir,” she began.  “I don’t know how young you think I am, but I’m an adult.”     “What?”     “It’s true.”  She nodded.  “I am a full-grown adult woman.  Don’t worry, though – almost everyone makes the same mistake.”     I wasn’t sure I believed her.  She… looked… like a young, teenage fox girl, to me.

    The girl had bright eyes, colored violet, which suited her cheerful complexion well.  Her small body – which was easily two heads shorter than mine when standing and… er, not especially curvy? – was covered in plush, red fur, and what I could see of her belly, her muzzle, inner ears, and tail tip were white.  She also had black ear-tips and black, shoulder-length hair with fluffy, symmetrical bangs that framed her face.  On top of that – literally – she wore a purple crop top T-shirt, teal, denim shorts with rolled cuffs, and black Mary Janes.  Kind of a mix of typical teenage fair and girly cuteness.  Yet, she said she was an adult?

    “You still don’t believe me, do you?”     She had a neutral look on her face, again.  I think she noticed me looking her over.     “Do I have to show you my ID card?”     I started to answer… then trailed off, rubbing my arm.  I hadn’t realized how rude I’d been, up to then.  Assuming her age… her reading ability… all that.     “I’m sorry for making all these assumptions about you,” I said, my ears folded.  “I’m just one of those people who, well… does that.”     I offered a smile.     “If you say you’re an adult, then–”     “Here you go!”     She was rooting around through her mini-purse while I was distracted.  I looked at what she was handing me, then I gently accepted it, quietly reading the little, plastic card to myself.

    “’Raikoo’?” I called.  “That’s your legal name?”     She nodded.  “Yes.”     I looked over the card at her… then looked back at the card.  Man, no one took good ID pictures, did they?  When I found her birth year, my eyes went wide.  I looked at her again and she nodded, seemingly aware of what I’d just noticed.  Well… she may not have looked the part, but Raikoo was, indeed, a young adult.       “I am… so sorry,” I said as I handed the ID card back.     “Well,” she said, putting it back in her purse, “it was a little rude of you to assume I wasn’t ‘mature enough’ to read this World of Warcraft novel…  But, if you’re sorry, then…”     She beamed at me, her tail softly wagging.     “Apology accepted!”     I couldn’t help but smile back and wag my own tail.  I was relieved she wasn’t mad at me.  Plus?  She was kind of cute.  If you’re into short girls.  Which… I was.  And am.

    “Anyway,” she said, setting her things aside, “it was very nice meeting you, Mister…?”     “Oh!  Uh…”     She watched me, head tilted, as I reached for my wallet.  Yeah, I don’t know why I did that, either…  Again, brain-fair.     “Mister ‘Joseph Lithius’?” she read off of the driver’s license I’d handed her.     “Heh…”     The girl hummed, her tail flicking.  “You’re an organ donor?”     “W-well, you never know…” I said with another little chuckle.     She paused to do a little more reading before asking, “Your eyes really are gold, huh?”     “And your eyes really are purple?” I replied.     “Y-you noticed my eyes?”     My response seemed to catch her off guard.     “I mean… yeah?” I answered.  “Hard not to.  They’re pretty distinct!”     She giggled a little, brushing some hair away from her face.  Her ears were curling back and it was hard to tell since she had red fur, but… I think she was blushing a little, too.     “I think it suits your fur well,” I continued, encouraged by her reaction.     “O-oh…?”     Raikoo was definitely blushing, then.  Her ears were all the way back and her tail was wagging pretty fast, too.  The question was… did I dare push my luck further…?

    “So, uh… hey.  If you’re not doing anything…”     Her ears perked as I spoke and she expectantly looked at me, her tail slowing.     “Maybe we could grab a bite for lunch?  My treat?”     Her face lit up…     “I just can’t apologize enough for being such a butt…”     Then, her ears fell back, but in a different way.  Was she… disappointed?     “Okay.”     They perked, again, and she smiled at me.     “I already accepted your apology,” she added with a soft giggle, “but if you’re offering a free meal, then why not?”     I smiled again, offering her a hand.  Her ears flicked and her face flashed as she shyly accepted, standing up with her stuff in her other hand.  This cutie was growing on me, fast.     “So, you’re into Warcraft?”

    It was a short walk from the park to a nearby fast food place.  Once there, we both ordered chicken sandwiches and soft drinks, then we sat outside to enjoy the day.  Once we got our orders, I started with some questions.  Smalltalk, ya know?

    “I used to play World of Warcraft,” she told me, looking up from her sandwich, “but it became too much of a time-sink…”     “Are you familiar with the real-time-strategy games?”     “A little…” was her next answer.  “I was more into the MMO than anything.  Oh, but I know some of the backstories!  Like how Arthas became the Lich King or exactly how and why Medivh went crazy over time!”     “Impressive,” I told her after I took a bite of my sandwich.  “I’m not sure many people are aware of what Medivh went through.  Most people probably think of him as ‘the Black Morass tower defense boss’ or ‘that crazy guy from Karazhan’.”     Raikoo giggled a little more, nodding.     “There’s a lot of lore in the World of Warcraft novels!” she said before sipping her soda.     “If people cared about lore.”     She hummed at my interjection.     “Different people enjoy different things,” she told me.  “I like reading and learning about things and people.  Some people are more interested in gear scores and cool items.”     She took another sip, then she smiled.     “Everyone should have fun the way they want to, don’t you think?”     “I mean… you’re not wrong?”     Her smile brightened.  I smiled, too.  Hard not to.  She wasn’t just cute.  She was positive.

    “So, what do you like, Mister Lithius?”     I looked up from my sandwich as she called my name.     “You can call me ‘Joe’ if you like?”     She twittered slightly, her ears flicking and her eyes down.  She was acting shy, again.     “O-okay!” she quietly exclaimed.  “Um… you can call me ‘Rai’ if you want!”     “Can I call you ‘Rai-Rai’?”     For whatever reason, that got her giggling like crazy and hiding her face.  It also got a lot of unwanted attention drawn our way.  It was fine, though.

    “I… I’d like that,” was her quiet, sweet reply.     “Okay, then,” I told her with another smile.  “To answer your question, Rai-Rai…”     I paused, grinning as she wiggled and avoided my gaze.  She was so cute…     “I’m into a little bit of everything,” I told her.  “Gaming, music, writing…”     “Reading?” she asked, hopeful.     “Mm… not so much reading,” I answered honestly.  “Like, I’ll look into something that interests me, but I rarely read actual stories or books that I haven’t written.  It’s just… I don’t like other people’s writing styles, sometimes.  For example, I find J.R.R. Tolkein’s style kind of boring and maybe a little… pompous?”       “I really like Lord of the Rings,” she said.  “The movies were good, but the book paints a more vivid picture, for me!”     “Books often do.  I mean, when you have to compress a three-hundred-page novel into 100 minutes of screen time, you’re bound to lose a bit of context or content.”     “Mm!”  She nodded.     “Regardless, I do try and read something that isn’t my own writing, occasionally.  I think the last thing I tried to read was the first chapter of George Orwell’s 1984.”     I took another bite of my sandwich, waiting for a reply.  Oddly… she didn’t seem interested.  I decided to move on.

    “Other than Tolkein and Warcraft,” I asked, getting her attention again, “what are you into, Rai-Rai?”     Once again, she giggled at the nickname.  She was starting to get used to it, though.     “Well,” she began, “I’m into a lot of fantasy and sci-fi things.”     “Warhammer?”     “Oh, gosh,” she said with another little laugh.  “How did you know?”     I grinned.  “I had a hunch.”     “W-well, I’m into Warhammer – but mostly the figurines.”  She pressed her index fingers together, folding her ears before admitting. “I’ve never actually… played it…”     “A lot of people collect the figurines and never play the game,” I reassured her.  “My sister used to collect those things in college.  She liked painting them.”     “It’s intricate work!” Raikoo suddenly said, looking excited.  “It’s really hard to paint something so small!”     “I mean… that’s why you use a smaller brush, right?”     She nodded, eating a little more of her sandwich.     “The tiny brushes are key to getting a figurine to look exactly how you want,” she told me.  “Otherwise, you get blobby, splotchy spots and it doesn’t look quite right!”

    “Are you into anything else?” I asked after a second.  “Gaming-wise, I mean.”     “Oh… MMORPGs, tabletop, some board games…”     “I don’t suppose you’ve ever played Dungeons & Dragons?”     “A little!” she chirped.  “I’ve never done a full-on campaign with a bunch of people, but I hope to, someday!”     “Maybe you and I can do some mini-campaigns together, sometime.  Take turns being the Dungeon Master.”  I smiled as I said, “I used to mess around with 2nd Edition.”     “That’s pretty old-school!” she gasped.  “I’ve only tried 3rd Edition AD&D!  Well, and 5th Edition.  I like all the technical stuff for 3rd Edition, though, so…”

    We continued to talk as we ate our sandwiches, though it was somewhat one-sided.  Raikoo seemed more interested in learning about me than answering my questions about her, so I obliged, telling her about my dabbling in digital music or pixel art, mentioning my terrible drawings, and even telling her about my dumb stories.  I mean… I don’t think they’re “dumb”, but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s taken an interest in them.  Regardless, she seemed extremely interested in pretty much everything I had to say.  She wasn’t kidding when she said she liked learning…       “Thank you for the sandwich!” she told me after our lunch.  “And the company!”     “Thank you for the company,” I answered, getting her to giggle.     “It was very nice meeting you,” she then told me.  “I hope we can meet up again!”     I chuckled, watching her stand… then I blinked.  “Hey, wait.”     She perked.  “Yes?”     I stood from the table and asked, “Why are you in such a hurry to leave?”     “Oh!”  She fidgeted, looking at the patio.  “I… I’m not, really!  I don’t have anywhere to be or anything…”     She looked back up with a shy sort of smile.     “I just don’t want to overstay my welcome!” she cheerfully exclaimed.     “Well, if you’re up for it, I’d like to keep hanging out for a while longer?”     The girl’s face grew visibly red even through her red fur.     “Y-y… you want to…?”     “Yeah.”  I grinned as I told her, “And hey, maybe we can go back to my place and I can show you some of those music files I was talking about.”     I was hoping she would get even more flustered.  However…     “I… I appreciate the offer, but…”     She looked up with a sad sort of smile.     “I don’t think that would be a good idea, right now.”     Her smile warmed into a compassionate one.     “I like you.  I do.  But, I think it’s too soon for me to go to your home.  Maybe after a little more time?”  She paused, looking guilty.  “I hope you understand…”     Oof…  I’d made that suggestion as a joke, more than anything, but the way she reacted made me feel like a genuine cad.  I mean, yeah, if we did go back to my apartment, we probably would’ve listened to music, played some games, and then I would have called her a cab to get home before dark.  Even so… she had a point.  We had only just met…

    “I… apologize for my forward offer, Raikoo,” I quietly said with a soft smile.  “You’re right.  We should spend more time getting to know each other before we, uh…”     I wasn’t sure how to word that thought so I just let it drop.     “A-anyway,” I continued, “do you have a Discord username you’d be willing to share?  Maybe we could chat online, a bit…?”     She perked at that, smiling.  The two of us exchanged information, then I nodded.     “On that note… yeah.  Let’s split and meet up online, later.  Alright?”     “That sounds like a good idea,” she answered.  “Yes, I think we can do that!”     “So… see you later?”     The girl smiled, her tail swaying.  “See you later, Joseph!”

    With things settled, we bid our goodbyes and headed our separate ways, for the time.  I was a little sad that I didn’t get to spend more time with her that day, but the way I figured it… we would eventually meet back up and do more conversing.  Maybe I could eventually convince her to come over, too…  No, not for any “nefarious” reason.  I just figured we could play D&D or something fun. Eventually, I figured.  Eventually…

[justtryingtolosesomeweight]

Damn brain fog sets in quick don’t it? Ah, it might just be that I have had a shitty time sleeping. It’s really not that bad, I’m just a little more tired. Once I get my supplements then I’m probably not going to return to my 1500 limit. I’ll still keep it in myfitnesspal but that’s different. It’s mostly so if I ever do binge from restricting below 1200 that I don’t go too crazy. But I probably will have days like that anyways because my family loves getting take out (and cake and ice cream). As long as I have enough iron then I don’t think I care any more. See, I’m really not going to get taller and my body doesn’t need more cals so I’ll probably stick to high res but I just don’t care as much.

I can’t help that I’m so impatient, I just want to lose weight now. I want to be thin so bad it’s unreal. I don’t particularly think I can move on with my life. That’s a little dramatic but awfully true for me. I will hold myself back unless I think I’m thin. 170 or 168 isn’t cutting it for me. I want 130 or 117. It’s strange that I don’t want to be underweight but that’s only because I have so much fat to lose that I can’t imagine being there. But if I get to those numbers and still think I’m fat, would I go lower? Probably so.

Ah, my arms are tired. It reminds me that I did workout today. Gym days will be more sparse but my brother will still make me go but I wish we had a more consistent schedule so I could plan to eat more that day. I should find a good at home workout that doesn’t include anything that will shake the whole house because I’m fat. Also quiet ideally... They make pretty good thnspo too. I need to pace around my room more and get more steps in. I get out of breath from the small hill and it makes me want to die every time I go to class. I tell myself to walk slower but that staircase always gets to me. It’s honestly so pathetic but I can change that. My heart suddenly felt a bit heavier. Shut up, heart, drink the damn diet soda and it’s only been two days, you’ll get your protein and vitamins tomorrow.

...Sigh. I’ve spent so much money this week. But it’s kind of for the greater good. I got the urge to drink the almond milk I bought but I’m fasting and it probably wouldn’t taste good anyways. Ah, I want to do more stretches. I want to be one of those people who’s real flexible, not sure if it’s practical. Is it possible to stretch your leg muscles so they are less thick? I know a lot of it’s fat but there’s a good chunk of muscle too. Which I am both thankful for but also I hate that it feels like a curse like I’m meant to be muscular instead of graceful and thin. I guess some muscular people have a certain grace to them too... Actually, if I stand next to my power lifting siblings, I would look rather small.

Ah, I’ve gone on a rant again. And still so many assignments, none of which I will do today. But I will read. Which I should do now. Thank god no one really reads these things.

[peachycoreroo]

what about some haikyuu boys trying to explain how morning erection works to their s/o? if you could include Kuroo, Sugawara, Oikawa and Satori I'd be more than grateful 🥺

characters: kuroo tetsurou, sugawara koushi, oikawa tooru, tendou satori

genre: smut, a miiiini plot bc i can't control myself

word count: 1.2k

warnings: fem!reader but can be read as gn!reader, also kinda oblivious!reader?, established relationships, the slightest somnophilia (reader is just grinding while oikawa is asleep, he wakes up immediatly tho), handjob, morning wood (obvs), implied sex

authors note: omg this was my first ever request, thank you sm anonnie! i'm so sorry bc i'm pretty sure i got carried away and only kuroo and tendou really fit your request, but i still hope you'll like it<3 this was actually really hard bc i was so anxious about fucking up my first request, i also didn't really know much about morning woods (well now i do heh) and i find tendou kinda hard to write for but i really wanted to make anon happy. i stayed up till 4am for this🧍‍♂️here's a link to my masterlist<3

pt.2: kageyama tobio, haiba lev, hinata shoyo

kuroo tetsurou:

„your dick does what, why now?”

kuroo rolled his eyes. this is the third time he has to repeat himself and you still look at him as if you’ve never heard anything more complicated in your life.

sighing, the tall male leaned back against the headboard of your shared bed, trying to make himself as comfortable as he could, with you finally quenching your curiosity about his morning wood, and said morning wood pressing against his boxers and your sheets.

“one more time, y/n, there’s a number of reasons. first of all, the male body has its peak of testosterone in the morning. basically, the sudden increase of the hormone in the changing stages from being asleep to waking up, can get your guy up.” as he saw you open your mouth to ask a question, he immediately followed with: “yes, even without actually being aroused”, effectively making you shut your mouth again. the fact that he knew exactly what you wanted to ask, made him chuckle. kuroo knew you like the back of his hand.

“another one is that my body is aware of what’s going on, even when i’m asleep. if your ass grazes my dick, it’s gonna react.” grinning proudly, you sat yourself in his lap, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders.

“mhh, i’m glad you can’t resist me, even in your sleep. so… you want some help with that?”

the dark-haired male decided to play along, putting his large hands on your waist, pulling you closer and leaning in, just to stop a few inches from your lips and murmur: “you know, i could also just need to pee really bad”, making you lean back and stare at him dumbfounded.

as much as he wanted to actually teach you about this topic, kuroo would never pass up an opportunity to tease you.

sugawara koushi:

as suga jerked awake, he immediately became aware of his severe case of a morning wood. not only that, but he could also feel your ass pressed up snugly against it.

once the sleep slowly drained from the man’s eyes, he noticed that it was still dark outside and quickly checked the time to see his alarm clock reflecting the numbers 5:50 a.m. back at him. he knew he had to get up at 6 if he wanted to be an exemplary teacher and get to school earlier to prepare for class, but with the way your ass was pushing against his hard dick, his mind was too clouded by lust to care. he needed you, and he needed you now.

“baby, wake up”, in suga’s husky morning voice was the first thing you heard as you were gently stirred awake. when you cracked your eyes open, the silver-haired man was already kneeling between your legs, cock heavy and leaking against your panties.

yawning, you asked concerned: “kou’? what’s wrong? is everything okay?”

not being able to wait any longer, sugawara slowly started grinding against you through your shorts, making your breath hitch and legs spread wider.

“y-yeah, just a morning wood emergency. i can’t go and teach like that. let me use you quickly, princess”, suga almost whined, pained.

trying to hold in your whimpers to understand what led to this, your eyes jumping from the male’s handsome face to his pretty, hard dick, you wondered: “what’s gotten into you?”

at that, suga scoffed, amused at you wanting to know what led to his erection instead of getting to business right away.

“woke up to your pretty lil’ butt all snuggled up against my dick. you make me hard, even in my sleep y/n”, he rasped impatiently, but still wanting to quench your interest.

despite the fact that this was definitely not the most romantic thing you have heard from sugawara koushi, you couldn’t stop the butterflies erupting at the thought of him craving you this badly, even while asleep.

“c’mere kou’”, you softly murmured, pulling him down for a kiss, ready to help your boyfriend’s morning problem.

oikawa tooru:

tonight, wasn’t your night. you barely got a wink of sleep, while your boyfriend slept like a stone beside you. you knew it wasn’t his fault you couldn’t sleep, but that didn’t stop you from sulking like a spoiled child.

you were tired but also incredibly horny, and as if some gods heard the prayers you didn’t even direct at them, you noticed oikawa’s morning erection standing loud and proud under your shared sheets like every morning.

not wasting a moment, you ripped the sheets off him, straddling his lap and grinding your soaked panties against his erect boxer-clad cock. it’s not the worst feeling oikawa has ever woken up to, in fact it was definitely one of the best. everything’s better than being slapped awake by iwa-chan’s shoe hitting him in the face back in high school.

as the tanned man started to fidget and his calloused hands landed on your hips to guide you along his cock, your curiosity about his daily morning wood got the best of you.

“why are you hard every morning, tooru?”, you asked innocently, while not-so-innocently continuing to tease him with your hips.

“u-uh, something about hormones a-and, oh shit, faster babe”, oikawa needily pleaded, not in the mood to be explaining the scientific reason behind his reoccurring morning problem.

unsatisfied with the answer, you stopped the grinding to frown at him and complained: “but i wanna know more, tooru.”

the brunet looked up at you, groaning but knowing you wouldn’t just let it go. “fuck, okay. how about this: you make me cum, and i answer all your questions about… morning woods, after. deal?”

“…deal.”

tendou satori:

you woke up before tendou, feeling his hard-on press against your naked thigh, making you want to continue the fun you had last night.

luckily, your boyfriend also woke up, though not as happy about his morning wood problem as you.

“’tori… i need you”, you seductively purred, letting your petite hand slide down to his erection, wrapping around it and giving it a few slow, lazy pumps. to your surprise, your usually vocal-in-bed boyfriend didn’t moan, but only tensed at your ministrations.

not thinking much of it, you attached your lips to the base of his throat, sucking and licking while giving his cock a hard tuck, hoping to get a pretty moan out of him.

what you didn’t expect however, was for tendou to jump up and run to your bathroom while squealing like a little schoolgirl. dumbfounded, you froze in the position you were in, leaning towards where your boyfriend was laying just a few seconds ago, with your hand in a half-fist.

after a few minutes, the red-haired man sheepishly re-entered the room, scratching the back of his blushing neck with a matching blush on his face.

“i-i uh…”, at his voice cracking, tendou cleared his throat before continuing: “i’m so sorry sweetheart, i didn’t mean to run off like that.”

finally breaking out of your stiffness, you looked at him, puzzled, before asking: “why did you run off? if you didn’t want to make-out, I would’ve understood a simple no.”

“it’s not that! it’s just… morning wood doesn’t always mean i’m horny, sweetie. sometimes it happens when you desperately need to pee.”

“oh”, you awkwardly remarked, “i didn’t know that ‘tori, i’m so sorry. i just thought…”

chuckling, tendou leaned down, kissing your forehead and reassuring you: “don’t worry angel, you never stop learning.”

[raggaraddy]

Tae’s first time with a virgin if your still taking requests?

Virgin

A/n: Thank you for the request! It was fun to write. Enjoy xx 💜💜💜

Trigger warning: Smut, first time, oral, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic, dirty talk, mild spanking.

Taehyung

Dom!Taehyung

You pull out your phone and type the message. Over and over. Deleting it and re-writing it about 30 times.

Until you see the typing bubble pop up on Taehyung's side.

If you have something to say, get it out. He writes.

Damn. You really should have written this on paper first. But too late now.

You had spoken with Taehyung for months and had met him in person for the first time last week. With clever wording, so far you'd gotten around telling him your secret. But you know you have to tell him before your first play session tonight. You don't know if a guy can tell or not, but if he can it's going to be embarrassing if he finds out that way.

It's not like you haven't done things before, you were probably more experienced than most when it came to other areas. You've played with other kinky people before, hooked up with girl friends and guy friends, and you've had a full D/s relationship that was filled with BDSM. It's just that you'd never done that one thing.

Really, you don't even know why you held onto it for so long. At first, you were trying to be smart and not give it away too quickly or easily, but then it almost became something you had a sense of pride in and tried to protect. But Taehyung was special. Someone you felt connected to. And you know, it's time to get it over with. Both telling him and the act itself. You have to simply rip the bandaid off and tell him. He shouldn't be mad. You didn't exactly lie about anything.

Its just about tonght :)

Please don't be mad. I ddnt know how to say it before

But you should probably knwo I'm a virgin

Three separate messages. Typed so quickly they're riddled with spelling and grammar errors. The words are not nearly as well prepared as you had wanted. But at least it was done.

The read symbol appears, and then nothing. Staring at your phone for what feels like 5 minutes, there is no reply. You're running over a dozen new messages, typing them in your head first. Wanting to explain that you didn't lie and that everything you told him, you really had done.

Typing the first word, his answer finally comes through. Only 3 words that make you relieved but also anxious from their conciseness.

See you tonight.

After spending hours getting ready, it was finally time to meet him. You came to his house and were perfectly on time. Although, you had a moment of concern thinking you were at the wrong address. When Taehyung said he had a big apartment you hadn't expected it to be a 2 story, riverside, penthouse in the middle of the city. He never wanted to tell you anything about his job, and now you were a little worried he's someone famous or that he runs a drug cartel or something.

Feeling a bit out of place and with the upcoming plans looming ahead of you, you start the night filled with nerves. However, Taehyung's confident demeanour as well as some casual conversation and a few drinks, eventually help you start to relax. And soon you're even beginning to get a little impatient.

A mix of anticipation of what is to come, steadily becoming tipsy, and having not touched yourself for a week, your mind is already running with all manner of dirty thoughts. But unfortunately, you're far too shy to initiate anything so you are entirely dependant on Taehyung's schedule. And he is taking it slow.

Normally, he would have a girl naked and on her knees by this time, but you were special to him, also. And especially now knowing that you're a virgin, he is determined to make the night last. Sat on the couch with him, there are small touches here and there, provocative topics of conversation, and his commanding tone of voice that makes you melt. Your excitement peaking as he passionately kisses you, pulling you onto his lap.

Nearing 2 hours of talking and teasing, Taehyung finally starts the main event. Taking you with him into the most stunning playroom you have ever witnessed. An industrial meets a minimalistic-modern theme. A beautiful king four-poster bed, with an x-frame top, a wooden headboard, and a white canopy. Making you think that this must be where princesses who liked to get spanked come to play.

Never parting his lips from yours, slowly and gently Taehyung undresses you. His delicate removal of your clothes and his tender kisses are in explicit contrast to the sharp, rough tugs on your hair that he uses to move you around. The combination making your skin burn with lust.

Sitting you in the middle of the bed, he remains fully clothed. A prickle of excited nerves shivering up your body. You're beyond needy and ready. Your hands starting to pull at his shirt, unable to refrain yourself any longer.

"Please," you whine. As his mouth comes off yours, you pull him into you a little firmer.

"What do you want?" Taehyung asks. His voice coming out deep and lowly spoken.

"I want," you gulp trying to think of what to say. Your face heating. "you?"

"That wasn't convincing." He moves forward, his hand pressing to your chest, pushing you flat onto the bed. "I asked you," Leaning over, his mouth comes to your breast, sucking your nipple. Your gasps turning to moans as he bites down before repeating himself. "What do you want?"

"Whatever you want, Sir." Your hands cling into the blankets trying to stop yourself from digging them into his perfect dark hair instead.

Looking up he smirks. "Mmm, when you call me that," he grabs your wrist, bringing it to his crotch. Pressing your open palm to the hard bulge straining in his pants. "it really turns me on."

You whine as he pulls your hand away. You'd been fantasizing for weeks about what he must feel like and now you were so close to having what you dreamt of.

"Don't worry about me, Y/n. I'm going to get what I want. But what I want right now," his hand suddenly cups your pussy making you gasp, "is for you- my horny, wet, little virgin," instinctually you spread your legs wider and his middle finger presses deeper, slipping between your folds making you wail. "to tell me what you want."

"Anything," You're trying to make yourself say more, but your mind is swimming and you're glowing with embarrassment thinking about actually saying what you want him to do to you. His piercing stare, his beauty, his hard cock, you're aching to have him. He knows what you want. It's not fair for him to make you ask for it.

"Y/n," your eyes lift to his face upon hearing his rumbling voice call your name. "Have I given you the impression that I tell you to do something so I can hear my own voice?"

Your eyes get big as you chew your lip, shaking your head. Even his light scolding is turning you on.

"Good. Then I'll ask you one last time, and if you make me ask you again, I'm going to put your panties back on, and they won't be coming off again tonight." he purrs making you whimper at his threat. "I was going to accept your little two-word answer, but now you've made me ask you multiple times, so you'll tell me in detail. What do you want me to do to you, little girl?"

You feel like curling under the blanket from shame, but you start to push the answer out. "I want... you... to," you swallow looking down, "fuck me." You can see his eyebrow raise, telling you to go on and give him the specifics like he asked. "I want to have you inside me, Sir. I want," you're thinking of the next words while feeling near to tears from discomfort. Unable to even glance at his face. "I want you to be the first man to fuck me." It's nearly inaudible by the end of the sentence, but you get it out. Hoping it's enough to make him happy.

Finally building the courage to look up, Taehyung is brimming with satisfaction and hunger. Looking ready to devour you.

His fingers gently hold your chin, lifting your head a little higher to meet him as he hovers over you. "Thank you, Y/n." He says softly, making your stomach swarm with butterflies. His warm reaction has you even more confident in your choice. "Put your arms above your head, and interlock your fingers." He instructs hushedly.

Too eager to follow his order your arms stretch above you, knocking into the headboard making your wrists bend. Holding your hips, Taehyung yanks you down the bed giving you the space to hold your arms out straight.

Pressing down on your wrists his face softly becomes more serious "You're not going to move your hands at all until I say. Not in any direction. Do you understand?"

With a little smile, you nod. Already having fun. "Yes, Sir."

"Good girl," he praises making you blush for what is surely the 100th time tonight.

He releases your hands and you push them down making sure to follow his order.

Slowly Taehyung shifts down your body, his fingertips lightly tracing down your arms and your sides, making you flinch and squirm. Fighting through being ticklish to hold still and keep your position.

Setting between your legs he continues to play with you. Your eyes clenching shut as his touch runs down your neck, your chest and stomach, gripping your thighs, tracing your lips. His fingers softly pinching your nipples producing a moan, your hips bucking up as your breathing deepens.

Moving lower still, Taehyung pushes your thighs wider. Lifting one of your legs he has you bend it upright, kissing from your knee down your thigh. Trailing lower until his lips touch your core making you bite your lip to stop from crying out. Needing to bite back even more vocal cries as his tongue flicks out, kneading against your clit. Starting to suck and lick you. Your legs spreading further on their own accord. Quickly losing your senses to pleasure.

His nearly painful grip on your hips jerks you down, pulling you into his tongue as it dives inside you making you cry out. Instinctually, your hands want to cling onto him and lift an inch from the mattress. Quick realization making you panic and slam them back flat.

Soon you're fussing, calling out his name as the flat of his tongue strokes you, eating you like a man starved. His long fingers deep inside you, massaging you in the same insisting manner. Pushing you to the edge without pause. Cumming with a yelp you bite your cheek in lieu of your arm. Your orgasm not stopping him, instead, he spreads your legs further lapping up all of the juice you spill. And just when you can't stand anymore and your body is starting to shake, he finally springs up smacking his lips with a satisfied open mouth grin. Wiping your cum from his face.

Flopping onto the bed alongside you, he rests over you again, kissing you deeply, letting you taste yourself. Leaving you breathless when he finally parts.

"How are you doing?" He asks, his mindlessly touch once more trailing along your skin. "Good?" he presses for confirmation.

"Yes," you giggle, feeling lightheaded in the afterglow. Wanting to touch him back you, accidentally lift your arms off the mattress again. "Oh," You gasp, settling them back.

Raising up, he leans on his elbow. Digging into your joint hands, he clicks his tongue. "How many times did you lift your arms? Hmm?"

"Um," You feel like your cheeks burning under his inquisitive gaze. In truth, you hadn't counted. But you think at least 7 times. "Seven," you whisper.

"And how many times did I say you could move them?"

Your mind races for a moment trying to remember exactly what he said. You don't remember him saying a number though. And you realize it's a trick question. "None?" you squeak.

"That's right." He hums.

Sitting upright, he abruptly sticks his hands under you, flipping you onto your stomach in forceful motions. Trying to not break position, you stay straight keeping your arms flat to the bed. With a last tug, Taehyung pulls you onto your knees, your elongated arms and aching your back makes your face burry into the mattress.

"Seven," He says. His large open palm smacking your ass harshly. He doesn't count down the rest, but in your own head, you do. Each stinging slap only worsening your hunger.

But it doesn't matter how desperate you are, Taehyung isn't nearly done with you. Over the next 90 minutes, he touches and toys with you. You come serval times from his hands, his tongue, from toys, and even once from your own hand as he makes you get yourself off.

As the events go on, he gradually undresses. His own needs getting dire, he also cums, letting you suck him off and swallow his load. But soon after he is hard again. Getting too much enjoyment from teasing you with his cock, seeing you become a mess. And no matter how many times you cum, it is the part you want the most. At last, though, he addresses your needful craving.

Putting you on your back, you can see the switch in his eyes and the intent behind it. Laying over you and resting on his elbows, he lines up with your entrance. Your body almost shaking with expectation.

"What do you want little girl?" he repeats, his own breath strained with desire.

You no longer have any apprehension about saying it. You've never wanted anything, anyone, inside you more than you want Taehyung right now. "Please fuck me, Sir." you pant, tilting your hips up, your motion rubbing his tip through your dripping folds.

This time it's Taehyung whose exterior cracks. Dipping in your warm opening makes him groan. His jaw tensing, he has to restrain himself from slamming his dick inside you. He wants to do it. He wants to make you scream and writhe, and take his dick all at once. But he knows he can't be cruel. He knows he has overcome his baser instincts and be patient.

Pressing his lips to yours, slowly, carefully, he starts to edge his hips forward. His cock sinking inside you. Inch by inch. Allowing you the time and space to adjust to him. And you're grateful for it. He's stretching you and the deeper he goes the further you're being spread. The size of him, his thickness is larger than any vibrator you've used before. Or anything else you've had inside you.

Breathing lightly, shortly, your hands are clinging to the blanket. Your eyes fluttering closed. Feeling him fill you is beyond your wildest imaginations, and right now you wish it would never end.

"Fuck," Taehyung whispers, his entire dick buried inside you. Your virgin walls tightly constricting and twitching around him. With a few heavy breathes, he calms himself. "How does that feel Y/n?" He asks, half teasing you, half genuinely checking on your well-being.

Words have left you. Your mind is delirious. You can only whine and nod stiffly. Your hands wrapping his back draw his body against yours. Mutly begging for him to continue.

He gets your meaning and is all too happy to oblige. Keeping a slow, steady pace, he lifts his hips. The rubbing making you fevered. And when he sinks into you again, he sets up an even pace of long deep strokes. Rocking into your over and over and it isn't long before any hint of pain is replaced with pure euphoria. Your legs shaking and shivering.

"Such a good girl." He moans into your lips. "You're taking my dick so well," Starting to pick up the pace, your moans come out more unrestrained. A kind of vibrating static filling your brain.

As his thrusts become more empowered, the low ache returns. Hurting just enough that it's helping the incredible sensation build. After several minutes, one of Taehyung's hands lowers to your clit. The external pressure causing electricity. Enhancing the pleasure inside. Quickly the combination overwhelms you and you can feel pleasure in your core unlike any other. As if every single cell in your body were crying out in joy, you lift and fall, exploding in ecstasy. The sensation turning your stomach, aching the back of your jaw from how hard it hits you. Taehyung's tongue filling your mouth, he swallows the breathless screams of your orgasm.

"Oh god, Y/n, you feel so good." Taehyung groans, his thrusts not slowing any. Your body floating, your mind ringing in orgasmic relief.

The pulsing inside you seems to last for an eternity. And even after it fades your oversensitive body is still quivering from his unrelenting motions. You're exhausted and wrecked and now that you've cum, his size is starting to make you sore.

"Did that feel good?" He purrs. Your moans of pleasure turning into whimpers as his pace begins to pick up. Pushing on his chest a little, you're breathing too hard to vocalize your thoughts. But Taehyung can read your actions.

"You can take a little more, cant you, baby?" He coos, pressing deep and holding it, grinding his hips down. Making you squeal in pleasurable pain. "You wanna make me feel good don't you?"

He stops moving, pulling back a little to give you space to breathe and to hear him clearly. You nearly sigh in relief. The tip of him was pressing too far. Your eyes open as his hand comes to your face, making you look at him.

"Can you be a big girl for me while I fuck you?" he kisses you lightly, sucking your bottom lip. "Do you wanna be a good little girl and let me use you, let me fill you with cum?"

Even with your body depleted, you don't need to think twice. You want all of that. You want him to cum inside you. You want to make him happy, whatever it takes. Not looking away from his eyes you nod. A little scared, but mostly turned on and excited at the idea of him using you to get himself off.

Closed lipped, his mouth lifts into a smirk. His eyes getting prideful at your agreement.

Easing into you, his breath becomes shaky. Again he bottoms out inside you and you whine in pain. With your approval given he isn't waiting on a slow build this time. He's rock hard and your warm wet cunt is driving him crazy. He knows it's going to hurt you. But he also knows you won't need to endure for very long. He is already nearly ready to burst.

Quickly his thrusts get faster and rougher. Extending his arms he raises up and lifts one of your legs for leverage. His chest pushing down on the back of your thigh spreads you deeper and shoves him even further inside you.

You can't contain yourself at that point. Crying out with every thrust. Your skin is covered in goosebumps. You can tell he is still restraining himself, but it's easily too much. You're drained and tender. And he's too big and rough for you to handle.

But despite your discomfort, you force yourself to stay still. Repeating a mantra over and over in your head that you want to be good for him.

Sweating lightly, Taehyung is pounding you until all of sudden, with a final solid snap of his hips, his movements faltering. A chesty moan pouring out of him as his body falls heavier into you. Your raw sensitive walls twitching as they are flooded with warmth. Several small jerking thursts pumping all of his cum into you before he drops his weight.

Letting your thigh drop back down, he rests on his elbows on either side of your head, his heavy breath fanning your face. Lightly brushing his lips to yours he kisses you through a smile.

"Such a brave girl." He mutters.

You're so tender that he has you mewling even as he pulls out of you. The movement makes you wince.

Gasping, you're surprised you can actually feel his cum shifting. It feels like it's going to run out of you. Clamping your thighs shut, your face glows again with embarrassment. You're not sure if that is supposed to happen. You thought it would stay inside. But in any case, you don't want to make a mess on his bed.

With a last satisfied grunt, he drops onto his side, leaning on his arm while still hovering above you.

"I'm so proud of you. You did so well." He smiles warmly, brushing your hair off your face, wiping away your sweat. "How do you feel?"

How do you feel? Sore, exhausted, thoroughly use, but mostly,

"Good," You grin sleepily, leaning into his touch.

"Good." He whispers back.

Shuffling a little higher, he pulls a pillow down and nudges it under your head. His arm going under your neck he wraps his other arm around you, hugging you. As you roll to your side and cuddle into him, he takes the hint and draws you in tighter. His hands rubbing up and down your back softly.

"I had a really nice time tonight Y/n." He kisses the top of your head, his chest tightening against you. "Thank you for letting me be your first."

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

Could u also do the four with an S/O that can read them like a book, and just out of no where knows what’s going on and gives random (good) advice? Thank you so much!!

Agh, anon, your requests are a breath of fresh air—feel like I'm going back to my roots with these classic headcanon-type posts 😭💜 I figured this would be a good post to go into some of the problems the boys might have, if you don't mind!

The Boys with an S/O who can read them like a book:

Donatello

• His latest projects, practical and obscure, have not been going well as of late

• He's in a slum and can't seem to get out of it, trying incessantly to fix the various issues to no avail

• It's not often he gets like this but it's here and he's irritable—unable to peel himself away from his projects even late, late into the night when he should be in bed

• You find him up way past the hour in his lab, having heard him tapping his instruments, shuffling around the space, he's not making an effort to be subtle but generally no one approaches him in these times

• Well, except for you

• He doesn't quite notice your presence until he turns around to find you leaned on the doorway

• "You know, all this stuff isn't going to run away from you," you say diplomatically. "It's going to be here when you wake up in the morning. So why don't you go to bed, Donnie?"

• "Because I have to figure out what's wrong," he sighs. "If I don't do it now, I'll..."

• You walk over and take the empty pipette from his hand, setting it down on the counter behind you. "You have all the time in the world to tackle this stuff; you really should go to bed, Donnie. Like I said, your projects aren't going to be gone in the morning, or the next, or the one after that. You shouldn't live life with a constant sense of urgency."

• It may not be what he really wants to hear, but he can't deny that he is impatient at times and tends to prone to anxiety when things keep going wrong.

• "You...may be right. Possibly. Maybe," he says, a hint of defeat. "Okay. I'll go to bed."

• Kisses the top of your head on his way out.

• Someone to understand and give him a gentle perspective without judgement is a very welcome change

Leo

• Leo always has a looming feeling of being unprepared

• What if Mikey won't be paying attention when he needs him to? What if Raph has an explosive episode on the surface and puts their mission on the line? What if Donnie's equipment fails them at the worst moment?

• It's why he's always harking on everyone to make sure everything is in place, pushing for training, trying to avoid creating conflict. He just wants everyone to be safe, and so the micromanaging begins.

• His brothers have been more uncooperative and uncoordinated than usual

• Meditates excessively when these things are on his mind, today being no different—he enters a distant state of mind while doing mundane tasks and his usual practices that makes him feel unapproachable

• You find him doing it yet again, he's cleaning his portion of the lair and re organizing things he's already organized

• "What has you so frazzled, Leo?" you ask.

• He doesn't even respond until he's done setting his books back in order.

• "Nothing," he says. "I'm doing what I always do."

• "You sure?" "Because it seems like you're stressing right now."

• "I'm fine. This is how I relax."

• You take a seat on the edge of his bed. "So you are stressed?"

• Leo hadn't seemed to notice the words he'd used but knows he can't backtrack.

• "You can trust your brothers, you know that, right?" He sits down as well and sighs. "Even when you guys are a little...off beat, you always pull through, don't you? That's why you're so good, it's because you can improv and adapt. There have been times where you are totally not on the same page and still managed to make it out, and pretty successfully, might I add."

• He contemplates for a minute. You're right; with or without all of his excessive efforts, they always found a way.

• "Hearing it from someone else makes it easier to see, I guess. Thank you, (Y/N), I'll keep that in mind."

• The surprise advice is unexpected but appreciated, as no one can make him relax like that besides Splinter

Mikey

• He doesn't realize just how obvious he is when he's bothered

• Genuinely confused when point out his fiddling with random stuff, going back and forth to the kitchen more than normal, a little quieter than you're used to. Weirdly enough, he gets a bit lethargic when things like this crop up because he thinks so much

• Like now. He's used to being low-key criticized for his natural behavior and mindset, but a guy can only take so much, can't he?

• He doesn't want to feel like a kid and like he's incompetent, yet he feels that way at times due to how people talk to him

• He's fidgeting with some trinket on the couch when you approach him and seems unenthusiastic

• "Oh, what's up babes?"

• "You're doing the thing again," you say with a chuckle, "being told you're doing something wrong feels pretty bad, huh?"

• He's a little confused

• "What do you mean?"

• "I mean that sometimes your family doesn't understand that you function a certain way and, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but at the same time, we have to be conscientious, don't we? Not every criticism is a personal offense, so try not to take it to heart too much, babe."

• He takes a moment to process, but you know he's got it when his eyes light up and he puts down whatever he's messing with

• "How come you like...always know what to say, angelcakes? You're so smart!"

• Will end up coming to you instead when he's got a problem if Leo or Donnie's a part of it, because they used to be his go-to, but telling it to his partner just hits different

• Your words actually stick with him and he's not too stubborn to take them in stride

Raph

• To be honest, Raph doesn't do well with being confronted while he's angry in general...

• Tends to blow steam off in his gym or practicing with his sai (or, if he's in a REALLY bad mood, knitting) though can only spend so much time doing that

• Not before you say something, at least

• Raph is a highly emotional person, not limited to anger. But this of course makes him an accident waiting to happen at times because of his intense disposition, so his attitude can be shit-starter, especially with Leonardo because he envies his position leader

• So, he's been clearly fuming and you've decided it's time to say something

• He's at his weight bench repping it out

• "Have another argument with Leo?"

• "Something like that."

• "You understand he's under a lot of pressure, right? That being team leader isn't that easy?"

• "What would you know?"

• "It's not hard to figure, Raph, you guys are being actively hunted and the responsibility's on him to keep you safe when Splinter can't be there. Yes, that's you too. Try putting yourself in his shoes and think about how that would make you feel. It's hard? Yeah. I know it's not what you want, but you have your own special place in the family, and no one can replace you. Think about how much Leo and the rest of your brothers would flounder if you weren't there. They need you where you're at, just like you three need Leo. You're their big guns, big guy."

• Of course, he doesn't want to admit that you're right, that hurts the pride

• But deep down he knows that it's true.

• "I'll tell y what, baby girl, you've got the nerve, I guess. I ain't saying you're right or anything, but..."

• He's always going to remember this, but unfortunately, he won't always heed your advice. It gets lost in the moment and it's his personal problem that he must deal with himself.

[shig-a-shig-ah]

LAYING CLAIM

» pairing: dabi x fem!reader

» cw: dubcon, revoked consent, noncon (we’re going on a journey, okay?), rimming, anal fingering, anal sex, crying, gratuitously fanon characterization. 18+, minors DNI.

» a/n: Started this months and months ago, and since I’m finally getting around to wrapping some WIPs, I guess you can have it now. Thanks @thebiggergroove​ for beta-reading!

» wc: 5.3k

» ao3 mirror

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The thing about Dabi is he's not usually a possessive guy. Fucking is fucking, as far as he's concerned—it doesn't really matter who is doing it with whom as long as everyone is getting off on it. But goddamn if there isn't something about you that makes him want to make you his.

And he's gotten that, more or less. It took some sweet talking and cajoling, and a few late nights where he made you come until you couldn't see straight, but you agreed not to go sleeping with anyone else. Sure, you've made him promise the same, but that's fine. Not that he's going to actually stop, of course, but he goes out on recruiting missions alone and he figures what you don't know won't hurt you.

That's all enough to satisfy him, at least for a little while. But then a few weeks pass and there it is again: that stupid jealousy and all those unbidden thoughts about the people you were with before him. People he knows. You never talk in too much detail about your past hookups, but he's not stupid, is all too aware that he's not the first one in this ragged band of miscreants that you've crawled into bed with. You've fucked Jin, and Shigaraki, and probably even Magne, god rest her soul—Dabi hadn't missed the way the two of you had huddled up giggling in the corner of the old bar one night, disappearing together unusually early, making those bedroom eyes at each other. And in theory that's fine. Nothing wrong with two girls having fun together, after all. Hell, bi chicks are hot and Dabi wouldn't mind taking advantage of that someday.

But first he needs to find a way to get the image of you with your legs spread for half the League out of his goddamn head.

If he's being honest, it's Shigaraki who bothers him the most. Magne is dead. Jin is a decent dude and, Dabi has to imagine, tame as a kitten in the sack. But Shigaraki, well...Dabi can tell just by looking at the guy that he's a freak, and the idea of you riding Shigaraki's dry, crusty dick, of letting him do who-knows-what filthy shit to you? It just gets to him.

And then Toga has to suggest that stupid game and go putting ideas in his head.

You're all sitting around the crumbling office space that passes for a hideout, drinking to celebrate the League's first successful double-amputation (because fuck that germophobic, transphobic prick), and blondie is just begging to play a drinking game. Normally Dabi doesn't go for that shit—why anyone needs an excuse to get wasted is beyond him—but he's in a good mood, and you make that adorable pouty face as you tell him that you played in college, that it's really fun, and somehow he finds himself sitting in a circle on the dusty floor with the rest of you losers playing 'I haven't' or whatever the fuck it's called.

It's all bland shit to start. Toga's never driven a car, Shigaraki's never gone to school. But, after you've made your way around the circle once, everyone seems to be loosening up and Spinner takes one for the team by getting to the interesting shit and admitting he's never slept with a girl. It spurs a moment of awkward silence made all the worse by his red face and obvious self-consciousness about being a virgin, but then Compress stage-whispers "Neither have I," before winking salaciously at the blushing lizard and taking a dramatic pull from his beer bottle. It's enough to lighten the mood.

After that, Dabi's forced to admit it's a decent game. There's not much he hasn't done sexually or criminally, and since those are the two topics everyone focuses on, he finds himself getting hammered faster than usual. It's a good thing too—his buzz makes it easier to ignore the look you and Shigaraki exchange when Jin announces that he's never tried watersports, easier to pretend his gut isn't twisting at the knowing smirk on your leader's face as he raises his beer bottle to drink and you follow suit.

That particular moment makes it all the more surprising when, on your next turn, you hide an embarrassed face behind your hand and announce that you've never taken it in the ass.

Dabi can't stop thinking about it the rest of the night. Obsessing over it, and the idea of being your first, your only, even if only in some less than conventional way. The thing is, it's downright tame in comparison to a lot of what you two get up to, so barely even kinky that it's almost impossible to believe you've never tried it. Sure, you've never done it together, but he'd just figured neither of you were all that into it, since it hadn't come up when you were doing lewd shit to each other.

That kind of sex is fine from his perspective, but only fine. He doesn't actively seek it out because in his mind nothing beats the feel of being balls-deep in a warm pussy, but that doesn't mean he hasn't done it. He's hooked up with plenty of girls that were into it and has always been happy to oblige; hell, he's even taken it more than once, on account of the fact that when it comes to the bedroom he's willing to try anything twice.

But doing it with you? Well, that thought sticks. The two of you finally go to bed and Dabi's so turned on by the idea of your virgin ass that he can't help testing the waters, prodding teasingly at that tight hole with one spit-slicked finger until you're squirming away and whining. He doesn't manage to convince you right then, but he makes those puppy dog eyes that are far more effective than they have any right to be, and you agree to give it a go in the future.

"Not here," you specify, the words fuzzy on your drunken tongue. "Someplace nicer, with a real bed." You already have your reservations, and you certainly don't relish the idea of undertaking that particular venture now, on a worn mattress in this falling apart building, with its paper-thin walls and complete lack of hot water. Between your booze-fueled haze and the seeming interminability of the League's poverty, you mostly forget about that casual promise by the following morning.

But Dabi doesn't. He picks up a small bottle of lube the next day and carries it around in his pocket shamelessly, a little reminder that he has something to look forward to besides roasting that prick Endeavor, and he strokes himself off to the idea more than he's proud to admit as he waits for the League to move on to better things. He can be patient, when he needs to be.

That patience takes a toll though, and the minute the League settles into their new digs in Re-Destro's sprawling villa, where there's actually privacy and clean, comfortable beds, Dabi shows up at your door with a cheshire grin and every intention of finally getting something from you that's just for him.

You grimace when you remember that promise, try briefly to talk him out of it even, but he isn't so easily dissuaded. It's made all the harder by the fact that you can't give him a specific reason why you've never tried it, beyond that it seems uncomfortable and you hadn't particularly enjoyed the couple instances when you'd allowed someone to slip a finger or two in there.

"C'mon, baby girl," Dabi coos, his breath hot in your ear as he pins you to the wall, working two unnaturally warm fingers into your cunt. "I'll make sure it's good for you. Be gentle, get you nice and warmed up first, all that sweet shit."

It really is unfair how persuasive he can be when he fixes those pleading turquoise eyes on you. The way the pads of his fingers are curling just right deep inside isn't helping either, and he teases you like that until you give in to his cajoling, though you still insist on waiting a couple nights so that you can do your research and make sure you're entirely prepared. Dabi demonstrates his appreciation by burying his face in your cunt and not surfacing for air until you've come three times and are begging for a break.

When the night finally arrives, Dabi's feeling positively giddy. He slips into your bedroom with a bottle of wine and a couple glasses he's brought, a little something to help you relax because he's a gentleman when he wants to be. It should be good booze too—he lifted it from Re-Destro's private stash, and he's certain baldy doesn't drink anything that costs less than ¥30,000. Of course, Re-Destro doesn't love sharing either, but the uptight prick is too scared of Shigaraki to complain about anything the League does. They all take advantage of that, because they can and because it's fun to watch him bite his tongue when they piss him off.

You don't make it easy for Dabi to focus on pouring the drinks though, not when you're reclining in that armchair by the window, freshly showered and fidgeting nervously. He was half-erect before he got here from just thinking about what he was going to do to you, and the sight of you acting like you're some blushing virgin spurs him all the way to rock-hard. By the time your glasses are close to empty, he's straining uncomfortably in his pants, and can't fight back his impatience any longer.

"What do you think, doll?" he murmurs, setting his glass to the side and standing up, shrugging his jacket off before leaning down to ghost his lips over your neck. "You ready to move this to the bed?"

The way you chew at your lower lip anxiously before nodding makes his dick throb.

You empty your glass with one final, large swallow, your heart racing as you rise. You know it's stupid—you and Dabi have fucked countless times and a lot of it hasn't exactly been vanilla—but it's been a long time since you've actually tried anything new. His obvious excitement doesn't help either, paradoxically; it leaves you fretting about what will happen if you're somehow bad at this, or if you can't take it and have to stop. You've never really worried about disappointing him before, but now the thought weighs acutely on your mind.

It's with halting steps that you approach the bed and then, when you can't realistically drag your feet any longer, you finally tug the nightgown you're wearing off your shoulders, letting it fall to the floor to reveal what's underneath.

"Damn, baby girl," Dabi breathes, looking you up and down. You'd figured that since it was a special occasion you might as well dress up, donning a strappy bra and panties. They're little more than elaborate, crisscrossing pieces of lace, all white since he'd seemed so fixated on this pseudo-innocent, first-time act. His reaction doesn't disappoint, eyes lighting up as he stares at you hungrily.

You let yourself fall back on the bed, nestling against the many pillows. The look on his face has your stomach fluttering, and the wine has helped you to relax a bit despite your nerves, a pleasant warmth spreading throughout your body. It's joined by a different kind of heat when you feel the mattress dip beneath Dabi's weight as he positions himself over you, one knee resting between your thighs, just barely brushing against your center, a hint of what's to come.

"You look so good I could just eat you up," Dabi whispers hotly against your ear before tracing his lips over your jaw. Even though he wants to take his time, let himself savor this, it's taking every ounce of patience he has to keep the promise he made to get you worked up and ready for him, to not to tear those pretty bits of satin and lace off and have his way with you right then.

You whine eagerly when his mouth slants hungrily over yours, savoring the feel of those mismatched lips, the way the rough skin of the bottom one contrasts so deliciously with the top. Hot hands run over your sides as the kiss deepens, your tongues tangling together, and you moan against him.

When you finally break for air, Dabi moves his lips to your throat, his tongue lapping at your pulse before he sinks his teeth into you. He loves to mark you up, loves making sure everyone can see that you're indisputably his, and it's even hotter now that he knows he's going to fuck you in a way no one else has. You're shivering beneath him as he works, your hand tugging insistently at his hair, and Dabi lets out a low, throaty growl.

"Guess I'm not the only one who's eager, huh?"

Your hips tilt in response, pressing needily into his firm thigh, and Dabi can feel the skin on his cheeks straining against his staples as he grins. He traces one hand up over your ribs, cupping at your supple breasts, teasing your hardening nipple through the flimsy fabric of your bra. Those deft fingers work under the seam of your lingerie as he shifts his weight, increasing the pressure against your center while he pinches and tugs at the peaks of your breasts until you're whimpering, spreading slick along his leg even through your thin panties.

Dabi pulls away abruptly, rolling onto his back and tugging at you to change positions, shaking his head when you move to mount his hips.

"Come here, baby girl," he says, his tongue tracing over his bottom lip. "Like I said, I wanna eat you up."

The promise in those words sends a bolt of heat straight through your core as he guides you to straddle his face, hot breath tickling your inner thighs. One calloused thumb brushes your clit lightly through your underwear, blue eyes sparkling when your breath hitches at that soft touch. When he pulls that useless fabric to the side and runs his tongue over your already-damp slit, you shudder.

Dabi lets out a pleased groan at your reaction and gets to work more earnestly, lapping at your sensitive nub, licking and sucking until you're moaning and only then shifting a little so that he can lap at your insides, that same rough thumb replacing the pressure of his tongue on your clit. It strokes firm circles as he buries that hot, wet muscle inside you, the metal barbell there teasing your inner walls as you grind involuntarily against it. You can't help but whine when he withdraws it, but that disappointment is quickly replaced by you startling as that same wet muscle extends further back to tease at your puckered entrance.

"A-ah, Dabi, wait," you protest, your face heating up self-consciously almost at once.

Dabi pauses, shifting just enough to keep his reply from being muffled as one warm hand runs reassuringly up your thigh. "I don't think I can help myself, doll," he says, his slick-coated lips splitting into a wide grin, "you just taste too good."

That heat in your face worsens as he dives back in, not even waiting for you to respond before he's flexing his tongue to poke at that tight ring of muscle. You still try to squirm away, feeling unprepared for this. You hadn't even considered it among the possible activities were volunteering to participate in, but Dabi is holding you firmly in place with the hand not working at your clit, and when another whine of protest escapes you, it's weaker than the first. The foreign sensation of his tongue against your neglected hole has you hyperaware of the press of his thumb at your apex, and you can feel tension building in your core even as you writhe in embarrassment.

It's as though he knows, too, and you suppose maybe he does; after all, he's the one who's done this before. He thrusts his tongue a little deeper, rolling your clit between two hot fingers with enough pressure to cut off any further protests. A long moan is the only sound you can muster as you spill over the edge, your thighs clenching around his head and your hips jerking shakily as you ride out your climax with his tongue still buried obscenely in your rear.

Dabi's face is covered in your juices by the time he slides from between your thighs, and he wipes it away carelessly with one arm as he repositions you again, pinning you on your back and wasting no time peeling away your now-soaked panties. He grins at the sight of your glistening folds and swollen clit before stripping off most of his own clothes, kicking them unceremoniously to the side and relaxing between your legs, kissing at your still-trembling thighs.

He teases at your sensitive cunt with his fingers, coating them in your juices as you whimper. "Ready for a little more?" he asks, and you nod despite the fact that your cheeks are still burning from before and your stomach is knotting with nerves.

"Just...go slow, okay?"

"Of course, baby girl," he promises, "I told you I'd take good care of you." With that, he starts to work you open, dipping one finger into your tight hole just until he reaches the first knuckle, working it in and out slowly. His other hand toys at your clit, stroking and rolling that puffy nub again, making you mewl.

Dabi waits until you're relaxed before trying any more, pulling away from you just long enough to dig the lube from the pocket of his discarded pants, coating his fingers with it. He works that lone finger deeper this time, in and out until it's buried to the last knuckle.

The sensation is strange, but not entirely unpleasant; even if you think you'd rather have that finger curling in your cunt, the slight stretch is still adding to the faint throb already growing inside you, the one that worsens when his thumb returns to your apex.

"Fuck, you're so tight," Dabi growls when one well-placed stroke of his thumb has you clenching lightly around his finger. He ruts his hips against the sheets, trying vainly to find some relief for his aching member, but it's not enough—he needs to feel you, needs the vice-like grip clutching his fingers to be wrapped around his cock, and he needs it soon.

You feel him withdraw to add more lube, and then he's fingering you again, adding another digit to stretch you wider. It comes with a stab of discomfort when he forces his way past the second knuckle, and you reflexively try to pull back. "Dabi, that's too much."

He abandons his soothing attentions to your clit, one warm palm pressing you tight against the mattress to keep you in place, stroking soothingly at your hip. His breath tickles over your inner thigh as he chuckles softly. "If you can't take this, how are you ever gonna take me, hmm?" he says teasingly. "You're doing great, baby, just relax."

You will yourself to unclench, trying to picture Dabi's satisfied face once you're taking him, that adoring look he sometimes gives you, the one that you relish. Your efforts are only marginally effective, but Dabi keeps pushing deeper, fucking you slowly but insistently with those fingers, and when you don't complain again, his thumb returns to caressing your sex.

"That's a good girl." Dabi picks up the pace, cursing under his breath. "You're doing so good."

You're wriggling against his hand now, trying to increase the friction at your center, not quite minding the foreign sensation of his fingers and the uncanny fullness they bring so much now that there's heat thrumming in your core. "Y-yeah, like that," you pant encouragingly, and Dabi grins.

"That doing it for you?" he purrs. "Think you can take more?"

You start to shake your head—the stretch now feels like all you can handle—but Dabi's already adding a third slick finger, shoving it in with less restraint than before. You feel more than discomfort this time when three knuckles breach your asshole, and it quickly dampens the arousal that had been steadily building. "Dabi, slow down," you gasp.

"Aw, are you sure you can't handle it?" His blue eyes meet yours, pupils blown wide with arousal as he looks you over with the hungry gaze. "'Cause if I'm being honest, it feels like you're trying to suck me in. Like this greedy little hole wants to get fucked."

The huskiness of his voice sends a shiver down your spine, even as another whine of discomfort escapes you. For just a second his expression darkens slightly, but then he's slowing his movements, twisting his fingers instead of thrusting them in and out.

"Better?" he asks, and you think you catch an edge of impatience in his voice.

It is better though, a little at least, enough that you can focus on the way your cunt flutters every time his thumb strokes over your clit. So you just nod; it's not like this wasn't bound to be a little unpleasant at points, right?

Dabi's smile stretches wider, his thumb working faster. A mewl slips from between your lips and Dabi takes that as encouragement, his fingers resuming their persistent thrusts. It's still uncomfortable, though not quite as bad as when he started, and your teeth sink into your lower lip to bite back your complaints. You let your eyes fall closed instead, trying to focus on his attentions to your hooded nub, on the heat that's pooling in your lower belly. You're inching towards another release, and you let a hand lift to your breast, tweaking at the pebbled flesh of one nipple to help yourself along.

"D-dabi, I'm close," you stammer, your hips bucking against his hand.

"Yeah?" His movements speed up, his voice breathy and excited. "Do it, baby girl. Come for me and then I'm gonna fuck this tight little ass of yours."

You swallow hard, trying not to dwell on those words for now—you can tell you've loosened up more, tolerating the jab of his fingers, but his cock is substantially larger than those, all too intimidating. Thankfully, it's not hard to remain distracted, to focus only on your approaching peak.

Dabi can feel that orgasm rip through you when it hits, your asshole clenching around his fingers as you keen, and it's then that he reaches the limits of his patience. He needs you now, needs the thrill of burying himself in your tight ass and claiming you for his own, of reaching his own release deep inside and then watching his seed spill out afterwards. What a satisfying sight that will be.

He scrambles up from between your legs to catch your lips with his, fumbling his boxers off as his tongue invades your mouth. When he pulls away, his eyes are bright, needy. "Ready for me?" he asks.

You're not, not really, but you can see the fervor in his eyes, hear the urgency in his voice, and you convince yourself that he won't be able to work you open much more with his fingers no matter what. Your agreement doesn't matter anyway—he's already rolling you onto your side and slotting his chest against your back, his straining erection poking at the cleft between your thighs.

"Like this?" you ask, surprised by the choice of position.

"Just like this," he pants in your ear. His teeth nibble at your lobe as he slicks his cock generously with lube. "Want you spooned against me so I can see those cute faces you make, feel you squirming when you take me."

And fuck, when he slips one hand back down to finger your asshole one last time, it doesn't disappoint—your body ripples against him when that invasion catches you off guard, and he can see the way your lips part obscenely as you gasp at his touch. His fingers abandon your tight hole almost as quickly as they'd entered, and then Dabi is aligning himself with your entrance, using the last of his restraint not to slam his hips forward and bury himself inside with a single thrust.

You can feel the spongy head of his glans, and the slick coolness of the ring that adorns his tip, prodding at your rear. One of his arms worms its way under your side, his hand groping distractedly at your breasts as you tense in anticipation.

"Relax, baby girl," he murmurs, but he doesn't wait for you to even try. He's already slipping in, moving slowly until he encounters resistance an inch or so inside, and then pausing.

He has to struggle to keep his composure. Even like this, with not even the full head of his cock in your ass, his balls are tightening, just the thought of what he's doing nearly enough to send him over the brink. He waits until he's sure that won't happen and then starts moving, pushing insistently to work you open around his length with shallow thrusts.

"A-ah, Dabi, g-go easy," you stutter, already squirming. You can feel your body resisting the intrusion, so much larger than his fingers, and it aches slightly every time he tries to breach that inner ring.

"I am, baby, don't worry. I'll take care of you." His cheek is nuzzling against yours, his lips kissing and sucking wherever he can reach, but his motions don't change at all even as he murmurs so sweetly. He only slings one arm over your hips, toying lazily at your clit. That attention helps you relax, helps distract you a little, but it's not enough to prepare you for when he drives himself in further, finally surging past that taut band of muscle.

The invasion brings a sharp pain, one that has you crying out. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, your body reflexively contorting to try and escape the cause of that hurt, but his arms tighten around you, holding you in place as he continues to work himself deeper with every thrust.

"Dabi, that hurts." Your words are sharper this time as each stroke sends another unpleasant throb through your overstretched hole, but his only response is to plunge the fingers rubbing at your clit into your dripping cunt.

"Shh, you're doing great." He curls his fingers, stroking against that spongy spot deep inside. It makes you writhe, but that does nothing to address the pain between your legs as he fucks you.

"Dabi, don't, that's not helping, I—"

"It's okay, baby girl, you're taking me so well," Dabi coos. You'll adjust, he knows you will—you're usually up for anything, of course you can take this. And fuck, there's no way he can stop now, not when it's even better than he'd imagined—hotter and softer, your pillowy walls enveloping his length every time he plunges into you, the exquisite tightness of your entrance massaging his shaft with each thrust.

"I'm not— I don't— I don't want to do this anymore." You can hear the desperate edge in your voice now. Your heart is racing and there's a cold sweat forming on your skin as tears of pain and confusion start to leak down your cheeks. "Dabi, stop."

"Shh, shh, you're fine. You—fuck—you feel so amazing. 'S never been this good with anyone else, fuck."

"I don't care, I don't want this." You can't understand what's happening, why he's not listening. You twist your head to look at him, pleading with your eyes, but he's barely even focusing on you. His blue eyes are glazed and half-lidded as his lips wander over your shoulders and your neck, all the while murmuring those useless reassurances against your skin. You're thrashing now, your feet scrambling for purchase on the sheets as you try frantically to pull away, but he keeps his tight grip on you, one of his legs hooking around your own to hold you in place. "Dabi, I said stop!"

He shushes you again, rutting into you harshly, and a choked sob escapes you when he bottoms out inside you, his hips flush against your backside as you struggle against him. You feel sick to your stomach, and it only worsens when he pulls out until nothing but his tip remains, then drives himself back in with one agonizingly rough thrust.

You keep begging, pleading, wracking your brain and trying every past safe word you can recall, but he only continues to pound into you, his breathing erratic as he pants in your ear. "It's okay, baby. You're taking my cock like such a good girl. You're—ngh—making me feel so good."

The ache between your legs is diminishing slightly as you adjust to his girth, your body entirely unconcerned with whether you want that or not. He's still fingering your sopping cunt too, his palm grinding against your oversensitive clit with each plunge of his long digits, the lewd squelching sound of those attentions mingling with the sharp slap of his hips against your ass as he fucks you.

"You like this?" he asks, but you know he's not really asking. "You like knowing I'm the only one? That I'm making you mine, just mine, just like how it should be?"

"Dabi, stop. Please stop." Your appeals are feeble now, far more for yourself than for him as you continue to utter them between quiet sobs. Dabi's somewhere far away, awash in the tight heat of your ass and the satisfaction of finally staking his claim on you, aware of your supplications but not hearing them, not really.

You slump, still sobbing, and let him take what he wants. His attentions to your cunt have a coil tightening in your gut, but when your climax hits it's perfunctory and mechanical, no real pleasure to be found even as your hips jerk and your holes spasm, a joyless whine passing from your lips.

No real pleasure for you, at least. But fuck, the feel of you squeezing around his cock as you come is what Dabi has been waiting for, your insides massaging his length as though desperate for him to decorate your walls with his cum. It's a gift he's glad to grant—he rocks his hips more urgently, keeping his thrusts shallow now so that he's sure to get it all deep inside.

"Fuck," he groans against your neck. "Gonna make me come, baby girl. That what you want? Want me to fill you up?" You shake your head, but his movements are already growing spurtive and erratic, his grunts louder and throatier, and then you can feel his cock jerking inside you, a hot rush of cum flooding your guts.

Dabi doesn't stop then, either, keeps fucking his seed into you until he's softening, not quite able to work himself in and out of your tight, abused hole any longer, and only then does he finally pull out, a dribble of cum leaking obscenely down your thigh.

You're sniffling, drawing shaky breaths, and you try to pull away the moment his arms relax around you. They only tighten again, his lips planting soft kisses along your temple.

"Shh," he murmurs. The sound of his shushing makes you want to scream. One hand lifts to wipe at the tears on your cheeks. "You were so good, baby girl, there's no need to cry. You were fucking incredible." He means it too, doesn't think he's ever come so hard in his life as he did now, making you his.

Dabi can't wait to do it again.

[futurewriter2000]

Rocks and Dust

A/N: I don't know why Remus gave me such Heath Ledger vibes when I was writing this but he did and I am honestly so fucking proud of it. Now, I really want to make myself some rice and chicken... or just rice. I hope you like it <3

REQUESTED BY @cloudywitchh: Hiiii, Im not sure if your requests are open, but if they are i have one. :)) Before I request, I want you to know that I love your oneshots and series! ive been binge reading. Could you possibly do a Gryffindor reader that has both james and remus that like her. oneshot or series. if you choose to write it, thank you, if not i understand

XX

Souls meet when eyes do and it hasn't been much easy to hold yourself back when such mesmerising hazel eyes had done nothing but watch you seductively.

At first you couldn't feel it but after a while, something in the back of your mind told you to look a certain direction. When you did, your eyes met his and a certain colour started to appear on your cheeks.

You watched him, he watched you. "Yes, Potter?" you asked with a smirk forming on the corner of your lips.

He smiled, tilting his head a bit to the side before speaking. "Had you done something new with your hair?" he asked, glancing up at your hair as you let out a laugh.

"Not really."

"Well, no matter of it." he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "You look absolutely stunning."

You felt your heart flutter in your chest but you were not about to let him know that. "Thank you. When don't I look absolutely stunning." you joked and he rolled his eyes.

"Hey, mate." Remus came into the common room and tapped James' shoulder as he passed him by, sitting next to him.

James smile faded a bit. He was a tad disappointed in his friend's presence. Everything had seemed to go so well between you and him. If the two of you continued to be alone, he would have had more confidence to ask you out on a date. Knowing that Remus took fancy in you too, it was a bit challenging to do so.

"What's up, Moony?" James looked at him, clearly not in a friendliest tone Remus was used to.

Remus' lips twirled upwards and he felt amused by his friends' frustration. He looked at you and smiled wonderfully. "Hi." he said and you smiled cheerfully, oblivious to the competition in front of you.

"Hi, Remus."

You seemed to be a tad disappointed as well. You loved to flirt with James because it seemed so easy and fun to do yet sometimes you couldn't understand whether he truly likes you or if he's doing it just out of fun. But you live by your mother's words; If a man truly likes you, he will do absolutely everything to let you know and pursue you.

That was why you were always so laid back. You didn't overthink anything when it came to boy. They seemed to think more simply than girls and whatever they did, they did because they wanted to, not because there was a whole scheme behind their actions.

You could see a bit discomfort in James. You couldn't really figure out why but he started to pout, which had made you a bit more uncomfortable around both of them.

Remus, however, loved to talk to you. He was open and honest but sometimes you felt as if he held too many secrets inside of him. To you, he was a bit harder to get to know, no matter how much he could tell you.

"You're going to love this, (y/n)!" he started to sound more excited. "I had found the oldest yet most interesting place a few nights ago-" he hear- both of you heard James scoff to that. "And I know your curious spirit cannot wait to explore it."

"Where?!" you threw all your books away and jumped forward. Old ruins and historic backgrounds always made you overly excited. You must have gotten it from your dad's side of the family. Everybody seemed to be more of history freaks and you were no different.

"I can show you. What do you think James?" Remus turned to James, who only laughed.

"No, thank you." he stood up and stretched his arms over his body. "Rocks and dust? Not my cup of tea. If I wanted to take a girl I fancy-" he looked at you with a grin and a soft chuckle. "I'd take her somewhere more romantic." he walked to you and winked. "A lovely restaurant or a walk among the trees under the moonlight." he was leaning down to you, close and observing the flush in your cheeks.

Your eyes were meeting and it lit a fiery spark between the two of you but as you didn't want to give him the pleasure of it, you rolled your eyes and moved away. "That's a bit of a cliche, isn't it, Potter?" you stood up and stretched your back as well. "I don't do romance." you turned from James to Remus and smiled excitedly. "Shall we go and explore!?"

"Yes we shall."

---

Remus hasn't felt you this excited over some 'rocks and dust' in all the years he had known you but he had felt his heart fill with joy and love when he could see how a person can live for the small things in life. You didn't care about wealth or power, neither if a person was physically beautiful and attractive. You neither cared if person had its flaws, you still loved anybody for who they were; good or evil. You always tried to look the best in people and your gift was, that you always seemed to bring out just that out of everybody and especially out of him.

As the two of you had walked, he had realised that he wants to tell you something important to him. It wasn't a secret to his friends and family but it was a shameful secret to him and to everybody else.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked as the two of you were climbing up the hill.

"Yeah." you stopped, gasping for air and putting your hands on your hips. "I think we need to rest too." you smiled and he laughed.

"It's not that far. We're almost close."

"My heart is almost close to stopping too."

He laughed again and sat on the rock, finding the moon shining on him as if it was leaving its fullness from a few days ago. "I just have the need to tell you this... and I'm serious."

You looked up at him and found the moon perfectly cut out the colour of his green eyes. "Your eyes look so pretty in the moonlight." you said without any filter but sat down next to him.

"Thank you."

You smiled and looked up at the moon before taking a look of his worried expression. "What is it?" you shoved him a little as he smiled. "You can tell me your deepest darkest secret." you joked but it was no joke to him.

"Well... I'm... I'm a werewOlf." he stuttered out, trying to sound casually as he said so but unsuccessful.

You only stared in silence, clearly processing the information as he was impatient to wait for your reaction. Your eyes only narrowed at him and you nodded. "I knew it."

"You knew it?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I mean, I didn't know it. I just know there was something to you that I couldn't put my finger on but I kind of knew it. It did cross my mind once but I brushed it off quickly. I didn't believe it but apparently my intuition was on to something." you laughed and stood up, offering him your hand. "Shall we continue?"

"You don't seem a tad phased by it." he took your hand gently and stood up.

"Oh, I am but I really don't mind people being people. You know?" you started to talk fast. "I don't judge people by their flaws, more by their actions and I don't seem why your werewolfness would bother me when there are far worse withces, wizards and Muggles in this world, who are far more worse than any werewolf I had encounter. Which, you're the first but still. You don't seem the one to eat children and howl at the moon."

He let out a loud laugh. "I don't eat children but I do the latter."

---

The two of you walked up the hill hand in hand, him trying to pull you up as his steps were much larger than yours. He was more of muscles than you, faster and careful as for you seemed to trip over a branch or two.

He had opened up as the two of you made your way to the top and started to walk on the flatlands. It stretched far away from the castle but you could see the ruins so clearly from the distance. The light of he moon made the subject far more pleasing to the eye and at that moment when Remus was talking to you and your eyes seemed to wander on the view- everything seemed to be perfect and you imprinted that moment into your memory so that you can look back and re-live it all over again.

As he talked, he seemed more lose and excited. He hadn't held back on anything. He had told you about Animagnus forms of his friends and how he isn't the only one who howls at the moon. Sirius apparently loves to do it just as well in his other form. He had constantly made you laugh by his full moon stories and how he accepted the awful fact of his life-long destiny of sharing his body with a beast.

He was glowing, literally glowing when he was telling you all the things he was hiding from you and for the first time, you were the one to listen and he was the one constantly talking.

"We're here!" he pointed at the ruins of an old castle. It wasn't big or notorious as Camelot or Hogwarts or any other historically known castle. It was small and poor in it's built but it was still a castle, just not the traditional kind.

He let go of your hand and it gave you a sort of an electrical shock as he did. You seemed to be so comfortable and in love of holding hands that you completely forgot what it was like without his fingers intertwined with yours.

It wasn't for long though. He had opened the old wooden door for you and offered you his hand to lead you inside. "After you, m'lady." he bowed as a gentleman should and you hurried up inside, taking him by the hand and leading him behind you.

Your wands needn't to be lit as the moonlight made it's own natural light through the large gaps between the rocks. Nature made it's own charm by growing vines around the walls, flowers and grass among the cracks. It truly did feel more magical than the magic itself.

"Oh, Remus look!" you ran to one of the walls and saw names carved in. "Ibzan." you smiled back at him.

"Old biblical name." Remus followed and saw many other names written around it. "Arthur." he laughed. "Wouldn't be an English castle without an Arthur in it."

"Tatiana." you looked at it. "Like a princess." you looked at him but he seemed to be very close to you, staring forward. His chest was against your back and his head leaning over your shoulder. You didn't have to look back. You could only move your eyes to the side and see him there.

He seemed to be so focused on the rocks in front of you that he hasn't even noticed you marvelling at him. All you could see, for the first time noticing his sharp, nicely structured side profile. His cheek bones were finely defined, his lips sharp and plump and his eyebrows nicely arched.

He truly was a beautiful boy and you hadn't noticed it till now. His palm was placed against the rock as he was supporting himself but when he had noticed you looking at him, he slyly looked back. A corner of his mouth quirked up and he said: "A girl doesn't need to be a princess to have a beautiful name." he spoke low and quietly.

The spark that James lit before was over-flamed by the passion Remus arroused in you. Before you knew it, he was leaning down and kissed you softly. One short kiss and it was enough to tempt you for more. You put your hand around his neck and pulled him down for me, smiling into it as you had felt him smile as well. As heavy as they felt, they seemed light as well because no kisses seemed to be as perfect as his; soft, teasing yet deep and passionate.

When he placed his hand on your cheek you could feel the dust set on your skin. You let out a giggle and he pulled away. "What?" he smiled but then just noticed how dark your cheek was. "Oh, my-" he let out a laugh, then looked back on the wall his palm was pressed on before. "I am terribly sorry."

You laughed as well. "Don't worry." you continued to laugh and wipe it away. "It'll probably wash away."

"Probably." he tilted his head a bit and gave you a peck. "And we should probably head back."

Putting your arms around his neck, you made a big stretch and looked up at the sky. "Ugh..." you looked back into his green eyes, burning your soul into sparks and bitses. "But it's so beautiful here." you let out a small whine and he chuckled.

"Well, (y/n)(y/l/n). I didn't think you did romance." he teased.

"I don't. I let the man do all the romance for me." you stepped on your tiptoes and brushed your nose against his.

"That's a bit unfair."

"I wouldn't worry if I were you, Lupin. I have time to make it fair."

"Glad to hear it."

[oonajaeadira]

Long Fall Into Oblivion (Ezra x reader)

(header by sirtadcooper - check out the whole beautiful set here.)

Rating: Mature. 

Pairing: Ezra (post-Prospect film) x f!reader

Warnings: Non-explicit sex. Some swears maybe (think there’s a f*ck in there somewhere, my GOODNESS). A lot of gooey, syrupy, soft fluffety fluff. Author attempts at writing Ezra dialogue. A lot of chewy prose.

A/N: I can’t believe I’m posting this, but here goes. I love Ezra. He is a man of questionable morality and an insufferable tongue and I really shouldn’t. But I really do. I just wanted to give him a try. I’ve softened him up here, putting a few years on him so maybe he’s fluffed up some since the events in the film. Also I just ignored the fade or assumed that aurelac mining was still happening because scarcity/demand. Doesn’t matter. Just wanted to go exploring.

Summary: You take a job as an aurelac prospecting trainee and Ezra shows you the ropes. You’re gonna fall in love with him. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.

TAGLIST: you can always request to be on the taglist for this or any of my work. If you’d like to be on taglists for upcoming fic, please sign up here –> TAGLIST

MASTERLIST

________________

Bakhroma is one of the smallest gas giants in the sector, but as you stand on the surface of the Green Moon, it dominates the entire horizon, pulling your focus, threatening to engulf everything around it. You almost feel sorry for the lush moon as you walk through its undergrowth, so gentle and full of beauty, destined many years after you’re gone to give its life to her.

A moon is an orbiting admirer, and what is an orbit but a long fall to oblivion?

There’s a painful, sour ache in your heart as you walk back to the camp in twilight, watching the back of Ezra’s helmet bob along in front of you. You’d spent two days digging that claim only to find the weakest aurelac nest you’ve seen yet, only three viable nodes. You’d dug through one of them by accident and completely melted another like an incompetent fool. Kevva’s ass, you were such a disappointment. Three months in the Green and you still can’t cut a blister out properly. Not even once.

Ezra’s shoulders are wide and tense, his one hand splayed out as he walks, running over the tops of the tall ferns, catching one every now and then only to rip the top away, twirl it between his gloved fingers and toss it impatiently aside.

The other two members of your team headed out on a sling this morning, another two will be arriving in a few days. And you wonder if Ez regrets just not cutting his losses and leaving with them, or at least sending you back in exchange for another kip.

You think about shifting through the comm channels, hoping that he’s chattering away in one of them, switched without your knowledge, but it’s a lost cause. You can hear him breathing on the channel between you. It’s not often Ezra has nothing to say.

________________

You thought your father was leaving you an inheritance. It’s not the reason you took care of him through his illness, but you’d dropped everything to be back home with him through his final months. In a way, it was a blessing, a reason to quit the Dasha factory and the terrible working conditions there, come back home and focus on your dad, relive good memories, just spend time. The reconnection lifted your heart, but his death sank it low again. When you learned he had nothing to leave you but a small house and some old vehicles, you sold what you could and traded in the rest.

Then you had nothing. No family, no job, little savings, questionable future. It almost broke your spirit. But the last few months with your father rekindled your love of him as he told you about his years in the Fringe, mining and prospecting. And your heart had said, “what the hell, let’s try that.” So you listened.

It took some time to track down the right inroads, but you were able to find some ads for prospecting teams, in particular those who were willing to take on members in training for a re-distributed cut. With all provisions included--other than suit and gear, which your father’s inheritance neatly covered--it seemed like just as good of a deal as any, and an adventure to boot.

But the reality was, every team you met with was full of hardened men, and while you were not a soft Central woman, you also weren’t overly versed in weaponry and didn’t know if you could defend yourself out in the Fringe against attack if things got crusty.

You were just about ready to admit defeat when you walked into yet another conference bunker and found your match. The first thing you noticed was that he was standing when you arrived, waiting for you politely rather than manspread at the table. Second were his eyes. Deep, brown, and sad. Maybe sad was the wrong word, certainly it seemed by the lines in his face, possibly by the missing arm, that he’d seen enough sadness, but toward you, it read more as concern. You wouldn’t know it until later when he confessed his feelings about this first meeting, but he was worried you wouldn’t choose him. Ezra had a hell of a time hiring partners. He may have been one of the longest-working aurelac diggers out there, but young kippers saw his greying beard and seasoned diggers saw his lacking arm and they all tended to turn around and walk out before he even said hello. So he’d tried to put himself out there as a trainer, show that he had something more to offer.

It didn’t hurt his feelings when you admitted to him later that those qualities were exactly why you chose him. He seemed the opposite of threatening. And his eyes were bright when he smiled at you. With his thrumming baritone and his Fringe twang and his mixed deck of mosaic words, he had a way of speaking that felt like a fluffy blanket curling around you, your brain vibrating with comfort at every new monologue. He was eccentric and perhaps a little jarringly rough in his humor at times, but there was something about him that you trusted immediately, even though you’d come to learn later you probably shouldn’t have if you were being overly cautious.

Not that your judgement ever came to detriment. Not that he ever proved you wrong that way. Not when it came to you. But the man was dangerous when he had to be in a way you hadn’t initially picked up on.

________________

You hadn’t been out in the Green two weeks before you looked up from the bottom of a dig hole to see Ezra standing over you with a thrower.

“You get down and you stay down, understand?”

“Ez? What--”

“I said stay down! Do not make me waste words on mere repetition!” The fuzzy blanket of his voice replaced suddenly by a snarling, snapping brush wolf, a quick change hitting you like a slap in the ear.

There’d been pops and whizzes as shots rang through and you did as your trainer said, face down, the view of your visor giving you nothing but dirt. Your helmet was a chorus of quick breathing from both of you and sweat rolled down your neck as you begged the eyes of Kevva to look down upon your partner. When the crossfire faded, you’d heard Ezra stalk away. Then there were a couple more shots. Then more footsteps returning.

“You are permitted to stand, trinket. All is well as it can be for us. But not so much for our dearly departed friends.” These words were as soothing as much as his previous ones had burned, and he simply went back to working at the dig at hand as if he’d just come back from taking a leak. It wasn’t until you left the site that evening that you tramped past two rotting raiders, gaudily outfitted with broken face shields, left to let the Green take them.

Ezra whistled as he stepped over them, stopping only to harvest their filters and munition rods, which he tossed your way to stow in your pack, and then continued lazily down the path toward camp. Just another day on the job. 

He may be a little peculiar and not someone to trifle with, he may have just killed two people without remorse or further comment, but his lack of reassuring words told you that this was just part of the deal. You wear the suit, you use the air scrubber in the tent, you follow the landing pod instructions as written, and you defend yourself against those who wish to harm you. Survival by any and all means is paramount, mundane, and something he has no qualms with on any level.

There was something deep down inside of you that instinctually pulled you to follow him, not just down the literal path before you, but whatever path Ezra chose to wander.

________________

Before you’d left the station with him, he’d taken you to a thrower range to gauge your skill which was decent in theory, but dismal compared with what he could do. No matter, he still patiently taught you how to properly clean and charge a weapon and the best way to breathe and pull the trigger; “like you’re taking hold of a man’s...well... Just go easy and firm.” He suggested you should come and practice every day before lift off and then hope to Kevva that you didn’t have to rely too heavily on it.

“If I find myself in a coffin of my own suit, then feel free to defend yourself as a final means of preservation. Otherwise, when it comes down to shots fired, best to let me do the dirty work. Might as well keep the blood where the blood has been.”

You’d been a little nervous about sharing a freighter pod alone with him, but Ezra was...well, not so much a gentleman as just a comfortable soul. 

He always waited until you were hungry to eat, thinking it rude to eat alone in front of you. He never moved around the pod while you were sleeping, content to keep still with a book in his cot. And if you couldn’t sleep, he was always willing to read to you from whatever impossibly dense old world classic he was digging through for the umpteenth time, letting his voice come up from the deeps and pull you gently under. If you asked permission to turn on the radio, he’d ask you “why Isn’t it on yet, woman,” quietly tolerating your taste in harsh and gleeful babblecore pshcyopop. In the later days of the journey, he’d even come to dance with you from time to time, although both of you were dismal at it and ended up with you in a fit of giggles. It was a sure-fire way to cure a case of the pouts you carried through from the morning fitness sessions when he beat you at pushups. Again.

When it came to privacy in the tight space, he had a habit of turning away without having to be asked or stopping his stream of talk when you went to change clothes, just happily chattering away until you called the all clear. Although he was not squeamish about his own state of undress, should you happen to catch it by accident. While he was respectful of your privacy, he seemed to need none of his own, but neither did he flaunt anything. You might look up from studying the flight manual to notice he was changing into a fresh pair of compression pants, tugging them on haphazardly with one hand, more concerned with telling you the overwhelmingly disgusting manufacturing process of Bits Bars than his own ass hanging out where you might see it. At least he always changed facing away from you which was a kindness.

Until it wasn’t.

After you realized you’d fallen quietly in love with him--a sudden, soft moment on the Green--then you’d admit only privately to yourself that you wouldn’t mind if you accidentally saw a little more than the occasional shirtless attire he might wear around the tent.

But in the pod, the only part of him that had caught your curiosity was his stump, and you’d known Ezra intensely enough over the past couple of weeks where you knew he wouldn’t take offense. Especially if you asked him the right way.

“Will you tell me a story, Ezra?”

“I feel that it is my duty to do so whether you ask me to or not. Shall I choose, or is there something in particular you would like to hear?”

He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, propped up against his cot, going through his kit, cleaning his gear. You waited until he noticed your lack of answer and looked up to meet your eyes. When he saw that you had put your manual down and were focusing all your quiet attention on him, he stopped his busy work. 

When Ezra gives you his attention, it is absolute. When he knows you seriously need something from him, that becomes his immediate main priority and all else can wait. It’s only gotten more intense since that day, but there is a trust that resides between you when you look into his eyes, gathering your words as he waits patiently every time to hear whatever you’re going to request of him. There’s always hope there in his big browns, always something specific he’s waiting for you to ask, and every day you get a little bit closer to understanding what it might be. But until then, any question is a welcome one, any query is met with his wish to provide.

“Will you tell me how you lost your arm?”

At first you thought you may have gone too far, that maybe you insulted him, as his eyebrows peaked together and he looked down at his hand. But then, “That is a tale that may cause you some consternation, trinket. The Green is dangerous and unforgiving, and there were times I may not have been a man worthy of fair opinion.”

“My father was a prospector, you know. I’ve heard stories. Have you ever killed anyone?”

He clicked his tongue and screwed up an eye, causing the thin white scar on his cheek to twist. Then he sighed and returned to your locked gaze. “To be honest, I have. Though I have never done so with pleasure, I have killed in defense and out of desperation, and it was out of dispatching a man in this way that I came to lose the second favorite of all my appendages.”

“Second favorite?”

“Well, it depends what you classify as a limb.” He huffed a small laugh, a spark in his eye, trying to diffuse the harsh subject in his own way.

His leaning into baseness never bothered you. There was something earthy about it, gritty and rough, but never lewd. You rewarded his crassness with a smile. “Do you plan on killing me out in the Green?”

“I would hope my murdering days are behind me, and if they are not, you would see me aim a thrower at everyone but you in the course of my spree. You are under my tutelage, and for that, I owe you a duty of care. That is my word by Kevva.”

“Then tell me the story. I like your stories. I promise not to judge now-Ezra by then-Ezra.”

A dimple formed on his cheek, a punctuation mark framing the approaching anecdote on his lips. “Then I will declare myself absolved of any sin heretofore and regale you with a clean and grateful heart.”

________________

You can see the tent through the trees and you realize with some horror that it’s just you and Ezra for the next few nights. If he’s angry with you, and this is how he is when he’s upset, the silence will be unbearable.

Even that little girl he helped out here years ago was probably more capable than you. You feel so lost in this moment, and it’s only made worse by his silence. You fumble with your communicator and hit the mute just in time to choke on a sob.

This isn’t like you. You’re not one to cry when things get rough. You hardly shed a tear when your father died. But the thought of that just brings another sob and as acting as your own psychologist you realize that you are experiencing some displaced sorrow, the odd need to please the leading male in your life, the one that’s walking ahead of you, away from you. If he’d just turn around and throw you his worn weary smile, if he’d just start up a conversation you’d know that there was hope for you, you’d know you didn’t give up everything to be here in a job you couldn’t hack.

You gotta stop this. Or it’s going to be an uncomfortable night.

Shake it off.

Once you enter the tent, the usual dance happens. Ezra reaches up to turn on the air scrubber and you unhook his filter tube from his helmet. When he turns to you, you pull open the zipper cover on his suit and start his zip for him before lifting his helmet up and off. He can pull the zip the rest of the way, but you generally pull the left collar down for him so he can get his arm out. He’s on his own from there as you turn to fuss with your own gear. 

________________

You remember it starting easily enough. He was telling you a story about the breeding habits of the Tokovian Musk Owl and you could see he was having trouble with his suit zipper, yanking at it and trying to look down at it even though it was under his chin and his helmet. Without another hand to keep the fabric taut, the zip didn’t want to release, so you simply batted his hand away and started it for him. He didn’t even stop his yammering, just threw in a “thank you” somewhere in between “could hear them screeching” and “for a fuck.” He’d right out asked you the day before if you wouldn’t mind disengaging the filter tube just because it was delicate and he didn’t want to mangle the expensive part trying to pop it out one-handed day after day. And while he could manage the helmet fine enough, his prominent nose thanked you for a smoother removal for sure. 

It wasn’t the only routine dance you’d concocted. 

There was the harness dance.

While dig days were excruciating, you always looked forward to helping him attach the harness for his prosthesis--a kind of rigid pole attached to a shovel so you didn’t have to do all the hard digging alone. There were a couple of straps that came around his torso with multiple latches and you’d come to really enjoy wrapping your arms around him to fit the straps on. Sure, you could do the job just as easily from behind, but if you embraced him at the front, he’d usually raise his arm and let it come to rest around your shoulders while you worked. If you let yourself dream, it would be easy to imagine that he might be pressing you into him just a little bit.

And there was the harvesting dance.

On a dig, you were the one to mix the fazer and Ezra did the pour. He fished the sack, you cut the cord. You sliced the outer casing and held it open while he did the extraction. And with the flesh-covered stone, he told you every time to “hold it like you love it” so he could cut away the slippery blister before cleaning the gemstone.

It was a beautiful harmony. And the only way it worked. Because once on every dig he urged you to do a solo extraction, and on every dig, you pierced the blister and lost that stone. And on every dig, he squeezed your shoulder and told you it was a wondrous try, that he was proud of you, and there would always be another turn. There was no sarcasm, no pity, just a warm smile and ceaseless optimism even though you just lost both of you thousands in pay.

These were the first touches, these shoulder squeezes that ran down your arm on the let-go. Sometimes he would just reach out and grab onto you like a pole to help himself up, or he might stumble off balance on uneven ground and without the counterweight of his right arm he’d throw his hand out onto you to steady himself. He wasn’t beyond lightly touching the small of your back to encourage you down a path or to take your next try at a gem pull. 

This was all part of something you’ve secretly named the left-handed-lover’s dance. Basically, that you keep on his left whenever you can in case he needs your help or has the inclination to reach for you. It started out as just trying to be a good partner. Then it became a passing hope that it was more than just a friendly bond. But you were both here to do a job. He was here to teach you to be an independent prospector and you were here to assist and learn. That was evident at the end of the day; once you were both in the tent and out of the suits he never touched you, never so much as bumped into you or grazed your hand in passing an item or clapped you on the arm after a good joke. 

But out in the field all zipped in and helmets on, there was nothing more natural than his gentle hand guiding you or reaching for your assistance, including the day you realized you loved him.

________________

Before you can turn away to strip off your own coverings, Ezra catches your arm, spinning your face into the light. You try to shake him off, not wanting him to catch your eyes puffy from crying and your cheeks still streaked with tears, but his grip is not so gentle now and he yanks you back around to his stormy glare, chin up, brows low. His intensity paralyzes you, rendering you unable to continue your struggle when he catches your eyes with his.

When Ezra gives you his attention, it is absolute.

His gaze travels back and forth between your eyes, waiting for an explanation, a minute so stringent it breaks you down, dissolves you into the tears you’d tried so hard to hide.

“I’m sorry, Ezra. I really am trying... I don’t know why I’m such a scuffer at this and I know it would only be right to release you from the contract and tell you to send me back but I don’t want you to, I really wanna stay, I really wanna learn and I’m so, so sorry.”

Your words have an immediate effect, softening him, pulling his glare into concern and wonder, his lips parting just the tiniest bit in surprise.

“This is the reason for your heavy mood? You think I am provoked by your proficiency in the field?” 

“I crusted up good today and it seems like you’re not happy about it. Just...know that it means so much to me that...I don’t wanna let you down.”

“Oh, trinket, no.” An incredulous huff jumps out of him and his grip on your arm loosens, becomes a splayed warm support behind your shoulder, moving in soothing patterns and you’re instantly relieved that your assumptions were wrong. “You have done no harm in my book. It is not an easy thing to deliver a gem of this ilk into the world unscathed. Your opportunities have been few and scattered and it takes many sticks before a lover becomes a lothario.” He knows the crass humor will make you laugh, knows what to say to lighten your heart, to get you to soften, and bring you into his intimate, conspiratorial mood. “To be perfectly honest, I am selfish to an unrighteous degree, for every gem you burn keeps me in value to you. A worthy sacrifice to guarantee you mightn’t be so quick in your need to fly away from me until your training’s complete.”

This causes a hitch in your breath as you see the welcome turn the conversation he’s taking and you follow the path he’s making for you. “I don’t want to leave you, Ez.”

A smile creeps up one side of his mouth. “Well then I am a happy man. A bargain is struck! Partners it is.”

“Partners it is.”

A moment hangs between you as he rubs his thumb in slow circles on your shoulder. There’s that look in his eye again, the one where he’s waiting for you to ask the question he wants to hear from you. So close now.

Still, you’re unsure. “I guess I’m lucky I found the one person who wants an incompetent partner.”

“No, I do not, nor is it what I have and I must express my objection to your self-debasement. This work is not for the shiny, and you have not once complained about taking on the meat of the digging or the crawl of my schedule.”  His hand comes to your helmet shield and he rakes his thumb across it as if he ached to wipe away one of your staleing tears. “Those bright eyes of yours got a penchant for spotting deposits more skillfully than I could ever manage and that’s not something that can be taught; that’s talent, girl. The blistering?” He shrugs. “Even I can’t manage that without the steady help of your fine hands. You may think that your blunders in education are causing us some financial ruin, but our fortunes are creamy. I assure you, we can afford it.”

That look is still there. He’s waiting. “There’s some ‘us’ and ‘we’ in there, Ez.” Your hands drift to his sides, taking fistfuls of his compression suit top, willing him closer.

The edges of his eyes take on the crinkle you’ve come to find so much comfort in. “So there is.”

You’re almost there. You know what he wants. “Why were you so quiet on the walk back?” 

“Because for the next few days we are alone here and I have a mind full of questions I do not know how to ask you.”

“Then let me go first.” A yearning happiness settles in his brown eyes; finally. Finally you’ve found out what it is he needs you to request of him. “If I take this helmet off, are you going to kiss me, Ez?”

His eyes close in contentment and he nods, “Yes. Yes, little jewel. Yes I am, that and more. I hope I have inferred correctly that it is your wish that I do so, because I am in free fall. I feel my orbit ending and my pull to you is complete.”

_______________

“A moon is an orbiting admirer, and what is an orbit but a long fall to oblivion?”

Speculating days were some of your favorite times, just wading through the brush and looking for the telltale signs and shoots of an underlying deposit. Sometimes you came upon nests of strange groundling insects or flowers that only grew in secret. There were treasures underfoot on this poisonous moon, but if you remembered to look up as well, you might find some dangerous beauties there too. 

On that day--the one where you finally understood your heart--you’d looked up to find that you were on a cliffside overlooking a valley, the canopy a million different hues of green, the gas giant looming over half the sky in a big pink and orange semi-circle. There was a fallen log that served as a perfect seat for the perfect view and you knew Ezra wouldn’t mind if you stole a few moments to sit and to take it in. It’s just the kind of thing he’d appreciate. And you were proven right when he came up behind you, putting a hand on your shoulder to steady himself as he swung one leg then the other over the log, finding a perch next to you, spouting pretty words through the channel link--soft and low--about moons and orbits and obilvions.

“That glowing beauty is Bakhroma. She is quiet and fierce, made up of the unfathomable and the unknowable, always within sight, but out of reach and untouchable unless one would trade the honor with great sacrifice. She reflects the light that is given to her with a patience that is heretofore untold. And the Green Moon upon which we ride follows where she goes like a lovesick fool, spinning around her in a heady kind of adoration, full of secret treasures buried deep down that will ultimately one day belong to her, falling incrementally over eons until he finally loses himself in her, all his glories gladly forfeit to her welcome and inevitable embrace. Alone but together, seemingly eternal, pulled as one by the laws of a mysterious universe.”

The void that came after those words was filled with the beating of your heart, and you were sure he could hear it through the channel.

When he’d landed there beside you, you’d registered how his hand slid off your shoulder, diagonally down across your back, coming to rest at your waist, his arm draped lightly around you. Natural. Easy. Everything was warm--the colors of the sky, the care with which he kept you close as if to better hear the honey sweetness in his prose, the fire burning in your lungs and neck.

Ezra probably didn’t know that you spoke a little Vayok.

Bakh being the Vayok word for adornment. Ornament, Gem. Roma was a modifier, a diminutive. Small. Dear.

Bakhroma. Sentimental bauble. A little jewel.

In other words, a trinket.

All you wanted to do was sit down to take in the view of an entire world for a few moments, but by the time Ezra took your hand and helped you to your feet, all you saw was him.

________________

The helmet is barely off before his lips are sealed to yours in a press of greed. Even if he can’t form words when he kisses you, he can’t help but express his deep relief in a heartbreaking moan. It’s a fight to release yourself from the suit when he keeps pulling you against him and every time you try to get some space between you to work the zipper, he chuckles into your mouth, enjoying the tease and the struggle. It’s simultaneously frustrating and thrilling and you give in for a few moments just to give him what he seems to want so desperately right now.

Ezra kisses like a man starved for air, long, hard, and full of need, peeling his lips away only to come back for another breath of you until his initial want is slaked and he slows, allows for more time between his taking, his mouth starting to mumble against yours, praising you with pet names, telling you how perfect you are to him, how long he’s “fought against my more dubious natures to respect your womanly virtues and take them only when you could see in me a man worth bestowing them on.”

You’re able to use his weakness for monologuing to turn around in his vice-like embrace, finally freeing yourself of the suit and he takes the opportunity to drawl more pretty words in your ear, warning you that “I’m afraid I have been enamored of you overly long and may be extra eager in my attentions. So you just say the word if you need a slow down, gentle one, and I will do my best to comply. Although I will admit it will be a difficult endeavor indeed as I feel I am entering your atmosphere and nothing might quell this burn but finding some drowning place to land.”

Your first impression of him was of a man whose age and temperament and body would not be able to overpower you.

Your first impression was wrong.

Of course, it helps that you are willing.

It doesn’t take long for him to strip you down, and then himself. To kiss you down onto the floor. To find exactly where you like to be touched most and how long it takes for you to break from it. He has so many words for you, so many praises to sing about every part of you that is round or soft or wet, comparing you to things that are sweet and plush or celestial and holy. And when you take his favorite limb in hand--as wondrous as the rest of his body--and guide it to its fit, he plunders and harvests all you have to give him, filing you with himself, for as long as you call for it, as long as you let him. He loves you like he speaks to you: rough and drawn out, full of beautiful tangents and meandering plotlines, but in the end it is beautiful and fulfilling; you may be just a little bit confused how you got to the ending, but you’re completely in awe.

When you lay breathing heavy, staring but not seeing the ceiling of the tent, your consciousness seemingly lifted to see through it to the stars, to the glowing face of Bakhroma, you run hands through rough-chopped hair on a head laying on your chest. He’s listening to your heartbeat, waiting for it to slow down so he can start again. The air is thick--even the air scrubber can’t keep up with all your humidity--and there’s a halo around each bulb of the string lights just barely illuminating the darkness.

“How long, Ez?”

“Hm?”

“How long have you been waiting for that.”

“Most likely since the day you walked into my interview. I am a man of simple wants and you had all the right parts for my preferences.”

“For real, Ez.”

He tipped his head up to find you. “What you ask has many true answers, and I stand by the first. I have no qualms telling you of my weakness for a pretty succulence and a kind smile the likes of which you possess. But if you are asking when I knew I would have it, well, that may have been the first day you danced. Or when you asked me to read you to sleep. Or when I understood I wouldn’t let those bastard raiders get near enough to take their turn at your qualities when I had not had them myself. Or when you finally saw me as a viable person to drape your affections on; maybe it was that day too.”

“When I finally saw you as....”

“I have read many tomes and verses but none so full of beautiful passages as your face that day on the cliff. There is a difference of knowing and being. I knew the feel of your pull that day, but found I’d been in orbit all along.”

How he can live this way, twist everything into a tossed away poem...it should be exhausting. Yet you feed off it. You breathe it like air.

After another long cycle of frenzied entanglement and violent euphoria, you ask Ezra if he’d like to move to a cot, maybe get some sleep. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to walk to the dig tomorrow morning,” you confess.

“No need to worry about tomorrow,” he says, wapping his arm around you and dragging you back to him, grumbling into your ear. “We are the only prospectors in this sector and the aurelac will wait. Until our new compatriots arrive, we are officially on hiatus. Recreational mining only. Restricted to the confines of this tent. By order of your supervisor. In the interest of more precious treasures. And I intend to strike it rich.”

“Well. I’m here to assist. And learn.”

“When it comes to this dig, trinket, you are more than competent. I am no longer your trainer. Partners it is.”

“Partners it is.”

The new contract is struck, signed and sealed in kissing and in touch and a long, slow fall into inevitable oblivion.

[space-mermaid-writing]

House Arrest [Loki X Reader] Chapter 1

Summary: You are Clint’s 'little' sister and actually a trained Shield agent. But you gave that up a few years ago and became a Chef, because you wanted a normal live. Then one day Natasha shows up at your door and takes you to the Avenger Tower for a while for security reasons.

Tags: Reader is an former Shield Agent, chef!reader, Reader Barton, 2012 Avenger vibes, everything is still alright, Slice of Life, Avengers Family, Loki has a good heart, still the god of mischief, Slow Burn, mention of food and cooking

Read it on AO3

Chapter 1: New Home

It's just before midnight when you finally get off work. You really like your job, but the hours are murder. Being a chef at one of the most expensive five-star restaurants in Philadelphia has its price. You take off your apron, which has hardly any stains from the last few hours on it, and throw it in the wash. The white jacket goes neatly into your locker and is replaced by a cardigan and a scarf. It’s a cool night. With a last good bye to your colleagues, who are still putting the dishes into the dishwashers, you make your way home.

The night is dark, but the streets are lit by lanterns and the windows of closed stores. Even if it had been pitch black, it wouldn't have worried you to have to walk alone through the empty alleys. Last year a guy had tried to rob you and threatened you with a knife. You had given him a broken nose and several stab wounds in the shoulder. After all, you had been trained at Shield. But the poor guy didn’t know that.

Half an hour later you arrive at your apartment. It's more functional than nicely furnished, and everything is a bit of a pick 'n' mix. But you don't mind it, because you spend most of your time at work anyway. At home you don't feel such great importance to culinary variety when it comes to your own food. A pizza or French fries with ketchup were always welcome. After all, you've been standing at the stove long enough at work. Tired, you decide to wait until breakfast for your next meal and, after a quick change of clothes, just fall into bed.

Fortunately, the next day is your day off. You make good use of it and sleep in. Afterwards you have an nice brunch with eggs, bacon and toast and after a short shower you go into town to do some errands. The sun is shining warmly from the sky and it's a beautiful spring day. If this holds up until the weekend, maybe you'd visit the weekly market and see what exotic and rare foods you can grab there. You love these little trips, even if you rarely find the time.

About two hours later and with three full shopping bags, you re-enter your apartment. It's on the second floor of a rather nondescript building, but the interior is very modern, with pastel-colored, high walls. You put everything in the kitchen cabinets and then brew yourself a tea/coffee, with which you make yourself comfortable on the couch and turn on the TV. It's time to relax a little. So you zap through the programs, watch the rest of an episode of your favorite series and then decide to watch a reality series, which is not exactly known for its quality but is entertaining. So the noon goes by until suddenly the doorbell rings. You get up to see if it's the mailman or a neighbor with a package. But a look through the peephole shows you that it is neither. Surprised, you open the door "Nat!" Natasha Romanoff is a friend of you and your brother, as well as the godmother of his children. But due to her job you rarely see each other. "Hey," she greets you with a small smile. "Can I come in?" "Sure." You lead her into the living room, where you turn off the TV. "What can I get you? Tea, coffee, milkshake?" "Coffee is fine." You disappear into the kitchen for a moment as she sits down in the armchair. Natasha was a rare visitor. Mostly she came with some news from Clint. You see him even less because he spends what little free time he has mostly with his wife and the two kids. Understandable. You don't hold it against him and try to visit them on holidays or for birthdays at her farm.

It doesn't take long until you return to the Russian woman with a new cup and some pastries and sit down on the couch again. "Well," you ask her curiously. "What do I owe the pleasure?" Natasha reaches for her cup. "It’s rather inconvenience. But first tell me if you’ve observed anything unusual lately." Questioningly, you look at her. "What do you mean?" "Nothing weird? You sure?", she asks. "Tell me what I'm supposed to have seen, please," you prompt her, both impatient and confused. Natasha gets right to the point. "You're being monitored." "By Shield?" "By Hydra." Stunned by this news, you remain silent. Natasha uses this pause to drink her coffee. "Oh, this is really good." But you don't listen to her at all, because various thoughts are circling in your head. And again you try to remember if you have noticed anything: same people you met, vehicles, anything. But you got pretty used to your life and didn't pay attention at these things. "Anyway, I'm here to pick you up. For your own safety it’s best if you stay with us for a while," Natasha finally breaks the silence and you look up. "What could Hydra possibly want from me? I don't know any internal secrets anymore. There are better to kidnap than me." "That's what we're trying to figure out right now." "Well, the danger doesn't seem to be acute", you note. "If they wanted to grab me, I wouldn't be sitting here by now. Thanks, but I decline and prefer to stay here. I have my job and the apartment." And now that you know what's going on, you can pay attention and take the necessary precautions, too. "Thanks for warning me." Natasha, on the other hand, doesn't look like she gives you a choice. "You know Shield has its ways to convince you?", she reminds you, but you shrug. Why would such a large organization bother with a single civilian like you? "What does my dear brother say about this matter?", you ask instead. "He hasn't been informed yet." Ergo, they deliberately leave him out of it so that he can't protest. You know this kind of approach of Shield.

Clint understands and supports you in your civilian life, even though he protested the loudest back when you announced your exit. "How’s he?", you want to know from Natasha, who is now finishing her coffee. "He's alive." That can mean just about anything from being happy and healthy to badly hurt but breathing. Better than being dead, you guess. "He's out in Africa with Steve right now." "Busy, huh?" "As usual." She stands up as a sign that she has nothing more to say for the day, and you walk her to the door, where you bid her farewell. "We'll talk again soon," she promises, but admittedly you have little desire to do so right now. "Sure," you reply and close the door behind her.

Well, that were some news. You put her empty cup in the sink and pause thoughtfully by the window. How could you have missed Hydra's agent, you ask yourself while glancing out. Your new life made you too comfortable. But it also takes up a lot of time and energy. And anyway, you dropped out because you didn't want to be cautiousness all the time anymore. You wanted a normal life with a normal job and normal problems. Away from agents, assassinations and super powers. You didn't want to check every day on your way to work if you were being followed, secretly monitored or if someone else was out to get you. That's why you’ve chosen this life. With a sigh, you sit back down on the couch. The past never leaves you alone, you guess. But tomorrow would be a long day even without these new old worries.

~~

The advantage of being a chef is usually that you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn for work. Most Restaurants open at noon, some even in the evening. So does the one where you work. There are preparations to be made before opening time, but you can still sleep through the morning, do some housework, and then head to the restaurant in the sunny afternoon. That's where the trouble starts, though. Just as you're about to open your locker to change your clothes, someone taps you on the shoulder. It's your boss, who hands you a letter. You can tell immediately from his serious expression that something is wrong. And when you open the envelope, you discover your resignation. You look up, perplexed, but you lose out in the following discussion. You don't even get a decent explanation, and that’s what annoys you the most. You're pretty sure your skills aren’t the issue, neither is the way you work. Nor the way you treat your colleagues, with whom you get along very well, even if the tone among cooks is a bit rough. You go back to your apartment, now in a bad mood. It‘s unbelievable! The sunny weather seems like a mockery to you now, and the people you meet along the way are in far too good a mood, in your opinion. It will be hell to find another good job as this was.

Arriving back home you immediately get more bad news: your landlord put a notice on your apartment door. The bathrooms in the building will get completely renovated soon and will be unusable for several weeks. Plus the heavy construction noise during the day. And the water would be turned off. It would be best to find temporary substitute apartment, so they recommend. "Haha...ha..." You laugh dryly and unlock the door. Was that a coincidence? When Natasha had been here yesterday? Probably not. You know Shield's methods and that it’s easy for them to take away your job and your apartment just to get their way. You have two options: either you accept the offer before Shield gets any more stupid ideas, or you run away and try to hide. With a sigh you go into your bedroom and throw a suitcase on the bed, in which you pack clothes, the most important documents and some things from the kitchen you need for work. Not everything fits, so you add a second travel bag. Meanwhile, you think about who you could complain to. Your brother was a favorite target of yours, but he a) had nothing to do with this matter and b) was not in the country. Which’s a shame, because you'd really like to have him by your side right now. If you wanted to complain to Shield directly, Fury would probably be the best person to do it. But you hold too much respect for him to vent your anger to him. Maybe just the next Shield agent who would come to you on this matter would have to step in. You know someone would definitely get back to you. With one last look around your apartment, you leave it and lock the door. Then you shoulder your bag and make your way out.

Just as you're thinking about getting a large coffee from Starbucks down the street, a red sports car pulls up to the side of the road. Natasha at the wheel. "Hmph..." You walk over to her and throw your luggage in the back seat. Then you take a seat in the passenger seat yourself. "Just for the record, I'm not happy with this." "I can see that." She tries to give a sympathetic smile, but you know this is just a job to her. "Well then, off to the Bat Cave, Wayne." "Does that make you Robin?", the Russian asks, driving off. "I guess", you reply snippy, not interested in keeping the conversation going. Fortunately, Natasha wasn't exactly the talkative sort either, so you have some peace and quiet to get your thoughts in order.

It takes you just under two hours to drive from Philadelphia to New York with city traffic slowing you down a bit. Otherwise, you would have arrived earlier at the former Stark Tower. It's been the Avenger Tower for some time now, but that doesn't make much difference, except that Tony Stark seems to be too lazy to put the remaining letters back on it.

Natasha parks in the private underground garage and you take the elevator up to the grand lobby. She tells you about the current residents here. There’s the usual staff, who are of course always present. Of all the Avengers, Bruce Banner is living here permanently. "He actually hardly ever leaves the lab," the Russian explains. "I'm currently living here, too. Every now and then Thor stops by, but mostly he prefers to explore the world. And his brother Loki is here. There have been some...problems with him and he's sort of under supervision here. Tony trusts technology more than Asgard. The owner of the house, by the way, is out visiting an outpost right now." "There are even Avengers outposts?" Natasha nods as she walks you down the halls to the living area. "But don't tell Hydra." "Sure", you promise unfazed. "Speaking of which, if I want to go out to visit someone, do I need a key or how does this work?" "It's better if you stay here in the house for now. It's for your safety, after all." "For how long?", you want to know. The answer is short. "As long as necessary." "So I'm sort of locked in here”, you state. That's typical Shield. As soon as there's any problem, an agent is sent in to put everything in solitary arrest or quarantine. As long as it’s shielded from the rest of the world. Natasha stops in front of a door that is now yours, but doesn't look directly at you, which as much of an answer as you get. "I'll be fine on my own now, thanks," you smile politely but not genuinely at her, and after she assures you that you're free to move around inside the building, you head off with your luggage in your new apartment.