#i think the text should be swapped tbh
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MoonScarab 4 life❗️❗️
#did one of those couples dynamic things#i mostly jusy yhtought the pose was cute and accurate to them#i think the text should be swapped tbh#but whatever i like it#ill color it if anyone thinks its nice ^_^#i hope i did them justice. sotry marcs eyes r so big i was really tired#seraph scribbles#my art#moon knight#moonscarab#layla el faouly#marc spector#moonknight#mk art#mk#scarlet scarab#mcu#<-sorry
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i think i need to make corishtola kiss when i get home 🤔
#it’s been too long (like 2 weeks)#i need to practice anyway bc i forgot how to do a Real kiss and not just smiling in each others faces agdjdk#i need a text post tag#also im having corishtola comm ideas but idk who is open + will draw shtola how i see her lol#but that’s good for my wallet tbh.#relatedly ive been thinking for a few months that i should swap one of cori’s nice boys for a woman bc i feel like that would cause slightl#different problems for shtola somehow in a way that would be interesting to me when i figure it out ahdjks#but i don’t think i will bc i don’t want to swap any of them and i don’t want to add a fourth before shtola. but it could be fun
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MORE DOODLES OF MY BOY >:))))) (With a dash of lesbian Pinescone for some flavor 0v0).
I did a bit of a gender swap au- which can sometimes get a bit heteronormative when done, but I've always been a sucker for that trope/au so ehhhhhhhh it's fine.
Side Note: The 50's-esque Pinescone scene was born from thinking about this version of Wirt's fashion sense followed by that vintage vintage meme leading me to go:
PINESCONE BUT THEY'RE LESBIANS IN THE 50S JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIMATIC.
Hence, my use of the animatic "Rock and Riot" by @cheriiart as inspo. You can find the animatic on Youtube here and find their website using their tumblr @ or by clicking here. You should def check out the animatic and their work!!
Side side Note: Tbh, I just wanted to draw women like the good queer I am but all my favs are men/masc folks...
i JUST WANNA DRAW FEMMES
Alt Text under the Cut
**All drawing are just done in blue line art without coloring done
Top Left- Title: Gender Swap AU
Bottom Left- Fem! Wirt in an argyle sweater, long pencil skirt, and a cute pixie cut
Text: loves vintage fashion history
Subtext: def watches Bernadette Banner and Karolina Zebrowski
Subtext: vintage but in a gay way >:)
Bottom Right- Meme from the Vine era staring Wirt and Greg Text (Comic)
Wirt: Please don't tell mom or Jonathan I'm a l-l-lesbian!
Narrator box: Context: Greg saw her kiss her first girlfriend
Greg: But, I thought you were American?
Wirt: *baffled and short-circuiting* h u h
Top Right- 50's Pinescone Lesbians sitting on a bench (inspired by "Rock and Riot")
Text: Pinescone x Rock and Riot
**please lmk if my alt text need improving. I'm super-detailed oriented and have a hard time knowing what to cut out or leave in. Also, I'm more familiar with d/Deaf accessibility than blind/low-vision accessibility (though this alt text is also for folks who can't read my shitty handwriting) so, yeah..
#doodles#otgw#otgw wirt#fem!wirt#gender swap au#also kinda a#50's pinescone au#but thats more from the rock and riot inspo#pinescone#I have to put it in somewhere#also#lesbians >:)#how do i tag shit#I treat my tumblr tags like im posting on ao3
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wait till you hear about this next nominee: KANG JUYEONG, born on the 13th of AUGUST, 1993 and bears a striking resemblance to LEE SUNGKYUNG. they’re a FOURTH year BACHELOR OF FINANCE student and RAISED FUNDS TO BUILD THE UNIVERSITY'S FIRST CHAPEL — impressed yet? rumor has it they’re hoping to be the FINANCE DIRECTOR IN MBC, but personally, i think they should aim a little higher — something like the king’s club, for one. now, that suits them a little more, don’t you think? guess we’ll just have to see if they’ve got the talent for it in our upcoming recruitment round.
erm so hi again!! :D august, 21+, swapping one mess for another! i watched this one edit of the roy family to charli xcx's apple and i was like wow i need this canon.... fly high naeon (k*lled her off like they did with my favourite character in the boys season finale but we don't talk about that).. anyways, this is judgemental, elitist, ew poor people, miss kang juyeong! favourite granddaughter of mbc's ceo, who only gives a shit about you if you're old money rich!
super sorry to everyone i've spent the last 2 weeks plotting with, but i promise we'll brainstorm and come up with equally fun plots because she will most definitely cause drama!! ♡ like this plot for me to double-text you or just drop into your dms again!!
as always more info below!!
personality
inspo: charli xcx’s apple, the glory’s lee sara (thank U gloss for this), gen v’s cate dunlap (juyeong would be a homelander i fear), basically every member of the succession family (but mostly shiv roy’s entitlement), hints of scream queens' chanel oberlin & euphoria’s maddy tropes: million dollar baby, the hellkite positive loyal, meticulous, articulate, cultured, protective negative pompous, hypocritical, judgemental, elitist, condescending cunt sun, whore moon, bitch rising leo sun, sag moon, leo rising
tbh shes pretty simple. just your typical snobby bitch who thinks people should just stop being poor and will tell u condescendingly about it
strong belief in maintaining a certain social order (if gatekeeping was a person, it'd be her) & extremely elitist
she’s very big on keeping a good image for the camera (in public, at least, she’s not stupid!). all about smiling for the camera, showing your perfect self but close the doors, invite her to the king’s club, and she’ll show her true colors
sharp tongue, has the tendency to be very dramatic (it's the leo in her)
she’s the biggest fucking hypocrite out there! she’ll act like the bible is her religion, no sin but then she’s snorting coke off some guy’s abs
but honestly, if ur in her inner circle then you’re kinda set for life. she’ll literally die for you. would go to the ends of the world for u. you ask for the moon? juyeong will get it for you.
the kind who would provide you an alibi no matter what like ‘babe your boyfriend just called and asked where you were, i told him we were watching a movie but idk where you actually are’ vibes
her feelings about hyungseo: she thinks he’s gaudy and tacky. although she begrudgingly accepts his presence in the king’s club, she does not like him at all!
background
she’s her grandfather’s favourite child - he thinks she’s like the second coming of jesus or something
but in reality, it’s kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. he puts her up on a pedestal and spoils her rotten and she’s the only person in the whole family who wholeheartedly listens and believes him & his tradition.. so it kinda works!
most of her cousins just write it off as an old man’s rambles and their families have enough money…and her older sister is the worst offender though she gets disowned when she’s sixteen for flipping her granddad on live television and just saying some nasty shit about the church her family runs (she gets written off because she’s a teenage girl right but there is truth to her words)
as she grows older, there are things with her grandfather’s ideology that she doesn’t necessarily subscribe to but she likes the taste of privilege too much to act otherwise
and she has her own set of values - it’s a mix of what she believes from the bible & what she’s been raised up with. do they contradict sometimes? yes! does juyeong really care? no, not at all! her moral code is whatever she believes to be
but one thing she keeps with her is that u should only trust and respect the generationally wealthy <3 the inner circle of the top 1% is life <3 family name is everything to her!
even with the king’s club, she got in via having connections who vouched for her and just generally made the rituals/ life easier lol
she thought being in the king’s club would mean being with like-minded individuals but little did she know… people get in on the merit of hard work too! and not just their family names! ew!
post grad, she’s working in mbc as a finance director (nepo baby vibes)
her family is also going through shit after the whistleblower ratted them out for embezzlement and they’re going through Serious Investigations and… let’s just say juyeong is practicing escapism heavily (read: she’s pretending nothing is wrong)
plots
we can brainstorm but just some high level stuff!
her inner circle please <3
people who have blackmail on her !!! like your family’s fucked. u want to make it worse for them?
also people she does not respect and just has a general antagonistic relationship with !!
omg pls give me people who think her penance is due!! like she used to tell them to fuck right off because they were new money or whatever and now, your muse is like “who’s fucking laughing now?” [jojo siwa vc] karma’s a bitch
someone related to the plot, did something fucked up to hyungseo and juyeong saw but she’s taking it to the fucking grave bc she considers u a friend ~
juyeong fucks a someone she thinks isn't worthy of being in the king's club - alternatively, juyeong falls in love with someone she doesn't think should be in the king's club ^__^
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Ok ok so this one needs context, it’s like half a shitpost half an actual artwork and it all happened because of the tag on this post that I ran into before I had an account:
#scene legend!
So uh, I thought about that for a really long time. The sheer hilarity of calling Simon a scene legend, so I drew something silly >:3c.
You gotta see the context before you see the art trust me on this one it’s important—
So this exists now lol. Scene legend Simon everybody, Konami hire me to make character costumes please— (reform your company first)
I debated making the hair primarily red, but I thought yellow with a red underside looked way cooler :3. Middle school me would’ve DIED for hair like that. The raccoon stripe ear tails are a nod to when Haunted Castle gave him blue hair. I could’ve given him a bit of green since he had that in a palette swap in Dream Mix TV Fighters, but I didn’t know at the time of drawing it (>~< ). A lot of the grid patterns are based on color palettes and textures found in the NES games!!! The shoulder armor being black with the blue outline is based on the Simon’s Quest text boxes!!! There’s also a lot of item sprites!!! And the sharpie writing on his shoes say on his right “The morning sun has vanquished the horrible night”and out of view “bloody tears”, and the left says “vampire killer” and “what a horrible night to have a curse”!!!!!!!! :D. At a certain point this was just a challenge to see how many references I could put in one outfit. Tbh I think I could do more than this, but yeah. Idk how to end sentences and paragraphs uh anyway—
Bonus silly doodles with Judgement Simon being emo lol (he’s got that Death Note shirt) and some old memes I guess based on the whip spinning mechanic. d(•w• ) Anyway I should draw Simon as a HotTopic worker someday—
#do I main tag this#yeah sure let’s main tag this#there’s not much in the Simon tag anyway 💀💀💀#castlevania#castlevania games#castlevania judgment#castlevania chronicles#simon belmont#akumajou dracula#art post#my art#shitpost??????#idk what the Castlevania shitposting tag is uhhhh… do we even have one wait#anyway I am cringe but I am free#Simon is allowed to wear anything he wants#anytime I make any outfits for him I look at all the ones he’s had before and try to judge what he likes and would be comfortable with#I’m reading that again now and that’s a sentence for sure#I’m normal about fictional characters :3#yeah but tada the silliness™️ I guess#also please imagine Simon working the counter at a hot topic#socially inept barbarian man#it would be so cruel to make him do customer service 💀#castlevania au where Simon is a HotTopic cashier Dracula is his shitty boss and the curse is his job help I am dying fucking laughing#silly posting#enjoy i guess <3
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9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better
tagged my @defeateddetectives ^_^ thank you <33
3 ships you like: hmm see which three should I pick here... let's say komahina (danganronpa. yes), bruabba (jjba p5) and just to spice things up, momoko and ichi from maiko-san chi no makanai (really lovely food centric manga about two girls who move to kyoto to become maiko but one of them ends up becoming the cook at the maiko house instead. sometimes frustrates me because of how strong the gay "undertones" are and then the author seems to insist on pursuing a het love triangle/probably het end game with a dude who has a comparatively shallow relationship with his love interest. anyway ever since the flashback chapters came out ive been shipping the house mother and sumire's geiko onee-san because if there's one throughline in my top ships, it's older side characters with some kind of tragic/emotionally fraught relationship LOL.) propaganda:
"Yuuko never let anyone in her room before she became a trainee. [...] For her to be swapping beds with others is... no, it's just Azusa."
(They have each other's apartment keys. She comes over and sleeps in her room. Halfsies!!!)
(This is basically a marriage proposal to me)
first ship ever: ...I think it was karkat/terezi from homestuck. This is kind of funny but before I really got into fandom or when I was just beginning, my approach to text was basically reading it with the most surface level/likely reading. I literally didn't understand why people would ship characters who I "knew" would never get together in canon. I didn't see the point in it LOL to me shipping was like horse racing or something, you ship the characters who are the most likely to end up together. This is also very funny in retrospect considering what happened with that particular ship but I had long moved on from it by the time davekat was canonized so I was happy.
last song you heard: either burning desire by lana del rey (blaming mirai for this) or alan stivell's ian morrisson reel
favourite childhood book: i don't think i had or have a favorite one ummm I was really into the secret series by pseudonymous bosch when i was a kid
currently reading: hmm i'm keeping up with maiko-san and ekuoto (make the exorcist fall in love. it's neat i recommend it though i'm not a big fan of the art style), and I was reading the oofuri manga which i should get back to but currently my attention is being taken up by natsuyuu lol. as for non-manga though the last thing I read before natsuyuu was Devil Venerable Also Wants To Know which is SO GOOD and i had more art ideas in mind for it which i want to get back to at some point...
currently watching: I don't watch a whole lot of stuff. I'm keeping up with the dunmeshi anime but tbh i really don't like the coloring for it. the art is okay but ryoko kui's art is kind of unmatched. it's just nice to have something to watch with my friend every week. also i've been doing a natsuyuu anime rewatch in anticipation of s7 with a friend whose never seen it before
currently consuming: nothing but i just had some crazy noodles. leftover curry in a pan + frozen corn + instant noodles = yummy
currently craving: nothing because i am now full :D
ill tag @ponimado @tattoosingarishhues @beguinemystic @dysaniium @moritzallein @somapodra @garbageg0blin @chuck-charles @joelletwo as always this is just if you wanna!
#this just became maiko san propaganda lmao#also revealing me to be somewhat boring of a person LMAO#tag meme
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Yes exactly!Like i'm afrolatino(black/white mixed dominican)and i hc Jason is too(dominican like me but fully black)not just because he's my comfort character but also because i think it works really well!
Dc's retcon of making him 'always destined to be bad' can instead be an in-universe thing where he actually was like his original Robin self but had it erased by people in-universe because of being a poc and while there's definitely flaws in his Red Hood writing,the concept of a black kid going through great trauma(Ditf) and deciding to take justice into his own hands because of it is VERY appealing to me as a black person.Also,tbh,his personality when he's written well reminds me of my black and latino friends so there's also that!
I have a few more points but yeah,gross people love ruining it :/ Same with asian Tim and i'm glad you can still enjoy that one like i do afrolatino Jason!!Solidarity!
YEAH! I think there's a lot of really cool concepts that could be explored with afro-latino Jason and how it corresponds with his backstory. How his identity and lived experience as a black man can mix into his opinions on the justice system and batman as a whole. One thing i dislike when DC or other companies swap a characters race is they just do it aesthetically, not literally(literally as in the literal text of the story). Take Helena for example. Black Helena is fucking awesome but is there not something to be explored there? An afro-talian woman growing up in the mob and in a city like gotham city? The experience of being a black woman WOULD affect/change her life and i think it's not only interesting but GOOD representation to show that.
For me and my Tim headcanons i see Jack Drake of Polish Catholic descent and Janet as part okinawan and part russian/Ashkenazi Jewish(the jewish part coming from Cuck Dixon's own plans for her). I think it's a really interesting dynamic to explore there with Tim's mothers death severing his connection to that side of himself. Essentially losing touch with half of his culture.
ANYWAYS TLDR I think these headcanons are super fucking cool and should be used for more than just aesthetics. different races and cultures have different lived experiences and portraying that is a GOOD thing. diversity is the spice of life after all
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i really don't understand why all of the dark knights were fine with balxephon fucking over his brother and deceiving ozma tbh
To be fair, for the longest time most of them didn't know but you can split the Dark Knights into 3 categories when it comes to this oreal: those who were in on it, those who learnt of it afterward and regard it as some interpersonal drama, and Volaq.
Hobyrim and Balxephon were spies on their father's account, to keep watch over Lanselot and Loslorien's growing power. While Balxephon came to agree with Lanselot and swapped sides, Hobyrim was never truly a Dark Knight, just pretending to be one. Vogras' assassination and Hobyrim taking the blame for it benefitted the Dark Knights. So in their eyes, that was a necessary crime.
Lanselot knows this and either agreed with Balxephon's doing or actively encouraged him.
Oz knew as well and he doesn't strike me as one to particularly take a stand against corruption. You'd be inclined to imagine he'd at least stand up for Ozma and his House but he shows some bizarre resentment and animosity toward her in regard to her affection for Hobyrim and during Lawful route and CODA, he shows an unsettling willingness to cause her pain.
Now you have those who learnt after the fact but couldn't be bothered to side with Ozma:
Martym and Barbas seem to think this is petty drama and they can't stand Ozma anyway.
Andoras must have greatly enjoyed the discord among the Dark Knights. Any infighting is good for him. (he also can't stand Ozma but I don't imagine he cares much for Balxephon either)
So that leaves us with the Volaq case:
Honestly Volaq should be the Dark Knight who sides with Ozma against Balxephon. The text hints that he's a mentor to both Oz and Ozma (that's how I read "I lost Oz, I'll not lose you as well." at least). And he's a fervent patriot who seems to breath and live only for the sake of Lodis. He does beg Ozma not to desert and to listen to reason. He even promises her Lanselot will not let Balxephon go unpunished so you could imagine he doesn't agree with him. I know Volaq often appears clueless but I'm convinced he just does all he can to maintain some presumable innocence and he wouldn't outwardly back Balxephon's corrupt tactics but he certaintly wouldn't risk himself against him either (I mean... He has to keep all his options in case one side prevails). As a result his inner thoughts and judgements completely elude us. I wouldn't be surprised to learn he thought Balxephon did the right thing for Loslorien or Lodis but just couldn't be caught having a genuine opinion. He's simply the biggest whited sepulcher.
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okay wuwa first impressions, first ~3 hours or so
the good
combat is fun as expected, LOVE dodging mechanics and the jump attack is surprisingly a lot of fun too. swapping characters is purposeful and fluid and overall the combat so far is super satisfying.
i just pulled a bunch of characters off the gatcha (did not get jiyan........) so i'm gonna have fun seeing whose kit i vibe with, i like that they all come with their own tutorial thing. that being said i definitely think i prefer the melee characters, ranged ones like baizhi don't exactly feel as nice to play. gun characters are very hit and miss so far (pun not intended) like i don't like playing chixia but i REALLY like playing mortefi
also love the echos system, and how its integrated into exploring the open world and actually fighting enemies. i'm gonna have a lot of fun filling out this data bank lol. there's a wolf one i like using during combat
could also just be new environment syndrome but the city feels HUGE. excited to explore around
the bad
as many have already pointed out yeah the optimization in this is not great (i play on laptop for context). it surprisingly seemed to get better for me the more i played/explored. i have a guess it might be caching things in the backend so the issue is primarily with loading in new/haven't seen in a while assets, but even then there is a pretty consistent stutter to the game, particularly the more open world areas. luckily for me not enough to completely turn me off from playing
i think a lot of this is because their "low graphics" setting is like. not low graphics at all lol, its actually just turning certain settings on/off for you. i think being able to tone down the environment detail/the resolution itself would help their optimization a LOT (even though the game is beautiful, i would prefer smoother gameplay than being able to see every blade of grass lol)
another thing i saw people point out was the fourth line of text getting cut off in the subs. definitely annoying since i read faster than the characters talk. i would hope this is an easy thing for kuro games to fix though, and my impression is they're pretty good at responding to player feedback
picking up items seems. weird? in addition to the fact that picking up items causes stutters often (probably asset loading), it also takes a while for the item to actually disappear which does NOT seem to be tied to the lag, but rather is an actual delay, so it really breaks the immersion
auto lock also feels weird especially in multi-enemy combat. i for one will probably not be using it lol
the loading screens take forever. i'm gonna be seeing 65% in my nightmares
the neutral (i'll be honest most of these are kinda leaning bad too ajkfdla)
music is okay, i haven't heard anything special or notable yet
no large opinions on the story as of yet, tbh i've spent more time exploring than doing any story progression asdlkjafs
i like being able to run up walls but the animation itself for it feels very idk. unpolished? in general climbing feels a bit awkward
idk if my eyesight is bad but it's kinda hard to tell which items are interactable/you can pick up. things like chests are also very unassuming but maybe i'm just bad at noticing them right now since i'm just getting used to the environment
environment is quite detailed but tbh i haven't seen anything yet where i've been like WOW but i've also only been in like. 2 areas so far
while i do like the combat, the hit box/range also seems just a bit. off. idk how to describe it might just be a matter of getting used to things ajkdflsf
kind of in line with that the movement feels a bit delayed, like it isn't as snappy as i'd like
overall its not bad but definitely feels like it needs some polish. i agree with people saying it probably should have stayed in beta longer and gone through more QA/optimization testing because some of these things like the cutoff text feel very rookie mistake
all that being said, even though I guess this post is fairly critical/negative I am really enjoying the game for what it is 💕 the bad optimization/lag is definitely it's biggest problem, so I hope it's something kuro games will be able to figure out, if it's not something that improves as the game gets bigger (map/asset wise) that'll definitely be its nail in the coffin
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hello, im currently making a sort-of remake of your Blorbo Bleebus template (both to make a higher resolution image, darkmode version and transparent versions) and am debating making some changes to it (e.g. changing fruity to queer). Are there any changes you would make nowadays if you could?
originally put this at the end but the post got long so i'm moving it up here. Anyway I really appreciate you doing this and I also appreciate you reaching out about it. If you think I'm full of shit on any or all of the lines, feel free to completely ignore it, I don't mind. I would love to see your version when you're done! Good luck!
Anyway. Honestly I'd probably change up a lot of it - all of the elements were from various memes, and not all of them are in fashion. The only reason fruity is even on there (I don't particularly like the word myself either) is because the original meme that spawned the entire thing (including the idea of it being a blorbo rating system) was from a wine-flavor label - and thus "fruity" was a particularly awkward choice of a word for it to try to say "this tastes like grapes" lol. I don't think almost anyone who saw the sheet had seen that, though, or knew much about wine tasting (no shade, me either), so like a bunch of the other jokes it falls flat to basically everyone lmao.
These are what I would change. You don't have to do any of these, of course. But it's the ones I'd do. Sorry for how much it bounces around, most of them are just "the first thing i thought of after looking at the sheet again" so it's kind of random and not well organized.
#1: "Flavor Container" turned out to be a much more niche thing than I thought it was; replace it with something that gets at the idea of a character being an "archetype" or "really conentrated" amount of that kind of thing that works better and has more broad-spectrum immediate understanding Or just like, some other type of character-describing meme, up to you
#2: someone pointed out (rightly!) that there is one gender-specific subtype (himbo) on there but no female-specific gender subtype, and that the cat meme i put in as placeholder text on the character box uses he/him pronouns, which both kind of push it toward being gender-specific even though that wasn't what I had wanted. I'd either switch Himbo out for a more recent and less gendered meme or add a female-gendered meme (eg: "girlboss", "butch fatale", etc) to even out the subtypes, and swap out the pronouns on the cat meme for they/them instead of he/him. Might also be worthwhile to switch the bar option for "just some guy" for something like "just some rando" but honestly that doesn't have the same energy; I don;t think there is a properly gender-neutral equivalent for 'guy' that i can think of that won't sound forced and as long as it's not directed at anyone in particular I think that one can be left alone. Tbh if you're switching fruity out you should almost definitely also do these.
#3. i'm pretty sure calling things skrunkly is on its way out, i'd come up with a more recent meme adjective for the name spot i think
#4. one of the bars in the middle of the page goes between "1,000 tools" and "1,000 weapons", which (because I expected at most 30 notes) I figured would be similarly comprehensible to flavor container. It's meant to reflect an outlook on life, ie, do they build things up to solve problems or do they attack and tear down their problems? I don't think this is a very effective set and also it's not a good joke, so it's probably best to put something else there.
#5. the "you want them to have" section is clunky and not very good, which is because that was the last part i did when I made it and I rushed it because I was bored of the project by then. I think there are a lot more interesting things to talk about than "do they have sex" "do they have romance" "do they have friends" and "did you hate their ending specifically" BUT also i have been informed that this is the shipping website and I'm not really a huge shipper, so my lack of interest in most of the contents of those boxes might not be reflective of everyone else's! Please use your best judgement here, if you like that bit then you can absolutely keep it. That being said I think it would be interesting to get into something like "tropes" instead, switching out the idea of like, desirable plot beats for the character with like, desirable common storytelling tropes or something to suhove the character into, or genres, or w/e. it would also suit the rest of the sheet better. i also think it would be more fun to be filling in boxes like "go in the dark" and "bonk on head with giant mallet" and "hunted for sport" than "more romance" and "less romance", if you follow me lol
#6. The idea of the slider bars is fine, but the shape is apparently kind of tough for people to work with unless they're confident drawing digitally in some way, so intead of doing a straight black line with a black line down the center, I would do an outlined bar with a black line down the center, sort of like the below. I think this will be easier for people to fill in with a paint bucket tool or w/e and hopefully save some wrists.
#7. I keep seeing comments asking for it to be a fillable PDF as well, which is like, not something I am capable of making if I'm honest. I don't do PDFs. No idea if you do, but if you do have the ability, it might be a solid plan to make it as a PDF first so it can be converted into a fillable PDF somehow. I took a stab at doing that yesterday but then i got frustrated and bored and gave up lol.
#8. tbh if you're making it a bigger resolution this might not be an issue but the text is really kind of small. I'd probably change the image ratio and scale a lot of the text up, sort of like this (sorry i am not working on a computer where i have robust photo editing tools or the original file so i am just sort of cutting it up in photopea with my mouse so it looks kind of jank). The reason for this is because the program I made it in just sort of opened with a printer-paper-sized page and i went "cool, I can work with that" and didn't change it. But when sharing and posting it, it becomes hard to read.
(this also doesnt really work... i'm not very good at optimizing things for post-readability ;-;)
#9. the slider between "stupid as shit" and "scary-smart" isnt that good, i'd swap it for "not the..." and "sharpest tool in the shed" respectively, because i think that that is more fun. or something along those lines
#10. I already said I would change this bit out entirely, but if you do keep the "you want them to have" section mostly as-is, the last eight or so don't really fit with what's already there - "freedom", "catharsis", "justification", "The Realization", "revenge", "conseequences", "sympathy" and "a satisfying ending" are about the writing the character is situated in, but "a better/worse time", "better/worse situation", "more/less trauma", "more/less healing", "more/less/different romance", "more/less/different sex", "more/less/different friends", "painful isolation" and "a family" are about relationships and emotional experiences the character is having in-universe. I guess you could leave freedom, revenge and consequences in there, but they don't really suit it well. I'd either switch the last handful for things that fit the theme (and also the more/less/different/none scheme), or make the entire thing center around the writing choices in the original narrative they're from.
#11. If you're redoing it from the ground up, you also get to pick a better font... I badly wish I had done all the titles in Impact (the meme font, you know the one) because I think it would've been funny. I probably would've put like, "bottom text" at the very bottom of the page too but that's probably not as funny to anyone who isn't me. I didn't want to bother tweaking it when I finished it, so it has NBOS's default font (I think it was Arial Black?) instead.
#12. I'd probably switch "soft and sweet" to "cinnamon roll", i've seen that one make a comeback recently and also it's so old that the fact that it's out of date brings some kind of humor to it along with it in a way that "soft and sweet" doesn't really do.
#13. "aspirational character" doesn't really do anything in the subclass list anyway - it's not interesting or funny and much of what it covers is also covered by "just like you fr" and "braincell haver", so i'd also replace that one with a more interesting recent character meme.
#14. tbh the checkboxes underneath the picture box were me taking a bunch of potshots at Batman specifically (well, besides murderer, but that was beacuse I needed another line). In the spirit of it, if you have a particularly common Kind of blorbo that other people keep putting on your dash nowadays, it would probably make sense to take their traits and put them in there instead until if you check all of them off you get that character instead. Keep it updated and fresh and fun and all that lol.
Also - last things-
please don't write me in as the "original creator" or w/e - I was cribbing so much from so many other people and places that I don't really feel like it's worth crediting it all to me, all I did was grid it out. No idea if that was part of your plan but if it was like. don't worry about it, if it wasn't, then that's great because that works for both of us :D
understand if you're not interested or don't want it, but if it would be helpful, I can send you a probably way higher resolution version than is floating around on Tumblr if you like - the program I made it with was designing it to be a printable sheet so it's a high enough resolution that the edgtes would all print nice and crisply, I think Tumblr just has a maximum image size and my layout didn't work very well with it lmao
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BasilKel swap AU notes
Woo! I've been sick since friday, so I figured I'll post some BK swap notes! These are from text messages with my irl friend- We finally beat the Omori route, and were supposed to do the Sunny route this weekend, so if some things seem off, its cause they don't know The Truth yet. (ALSO: THEY KNOW MY USER NOW!! HII!!!)
Anyway! Notes under Read More!
Idea originally came because of the Blurry Kel drawing/mod on Tumblr. Friend lit said "Man, imagine if Kel is the one who went missing instead of Basil?" and so it began.
A couple of HS Skill ideas for Basil: Plant powers, such as vines to slow enemies down or flowers to affect EMOTIONS. Also, I realized the pun Flash Bulb (As in, the kind used for old photography, and plant bulbs) and that's too good to not mention.
Friend was the one who came up with Kel Recording idea, b/c we were discussing what we wanted "his" house to look like. (In replacement for Basil's Shoe, Kel and Hero get a Blanket Fort! You'll see soon!)
This one's a bit weird, so stick with me: Kel's Pet Rock, formerly Hector, currently Roro, is going to be tied to the fast travel/Pluto "replacement". All we have nailed down for now is that most of the planets are going to appear and speak in one way or another (Roughly around Sweetheart's Castle section), and that the Mars representative is going to a giant space dog named Rover, and he'll act as fast travel. [Look, look- No one on this team should learn Flex /hj]
Hero's gonna end up being a bit short tempered by the end of the Headspace section. At first, he can hold it together, but as they search more and Kel goes unfound, the pressure makes him snappy.
Original text from friend: "Hero replacing Kel in bickering with Aubrey because of how callous she is acting about Kel's disappearance and Hero just not taking this well, snaps at her from time to time [return] Basil is just trying to break it up whenever it happens" (I'm not 100% sure how I feel about The Older Brother (tm) arguing with a kid, but it could be fun- or at least interesting)
Black Space is going to be fun! And by fun I mean angsty (hopefully")
I don't think Kel would go quietly. If he can fight, he will. The Neighbor Area and Spider Area would show that best, featuring Kel actively entering a battle against the friends (and dying after refusing to hurt Hero) and fighting Something in the Walls (Overwhelmed and consumed by Sunny's fear) on his own.
The other three are a bit harder to place/closer to the original:
Melon would need to be changed to match the pillows/cardboard aesthetic, but functionally could be the same.
Raft would be weird, b/c again, Kel would fight! If Omori attacked him, then he'd try to fight back, right? Unless he was killed in one hit, I guess, but still.
Treehouse... I mean, I guess it works! Don't fully get the Subtext of that one, tbh.
Then there's the room of original content!! Woo!
Remember Rover? Giant Space dog? I kinda want him to kill Kel in a Black Space room. Like, Rover has a key in his mouth, and Kel trusts him not to bite, so he reaches in to grab it, and naturally, Rover would bite him in half, then spit out the key.
Maybe a side room, where Omori tries to walk somewhere, but his feet get cut up by glass shards? idk
When I get some more time, I'll talk about some of the Real World ideas we came up with.
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You lost your dad's body after he died??
I love that story 😅 And in my defense, not I lost him, he... was lost 🤣
I should begin with the fact that my dad was a trickster. He loved to prank people. Nothing mean, just borderline mischievous (he one day swapped my grandma's answering machine text with "I am on the toilet taking a dump and can't answer the phone", it took her weeks to realise why people were howling with laughter on her answering machine). Just to preface this whole thing..
So. when he got really sick and it was obvious he wouldn't make it much longer, we were there with him and it was really nice, he died after we left. so, at night, we got a call from the retirement home he was in that he died, and that we could visit him the next morning (Sunday) to say goodbye.
so far, so good. next morning we arrived at the retirement home, my mum, me, my dad's sister and her husband and my dad's brother with his wife. my aunts were both very devastated, naturally, but I wasn't that sad tbh, I had watched him slowly die for a decade, I was just glad it was finally over.. so we marched into the home to find the head nurse, and there the issues began
first she didn't want to say anything and was very jumpy.. "no, you can't see him right now." I was like, but you called?? last night?? and said we could??? and she was, umm, well... and then she admitted, he is not here.
"What do you mean, He Is Not Here? He can't have walked away??? (I think I asked that and at least one of my aunts broke down crying when I did ^^')
Well, after much hesitation we finally learned what had happened..
When someone dies in a retirement home you have to get the doctor on duty to confirm the death and write a death certificate. but the usual doc was not there and the substitute didn't know my dad's condition, didn't know he had an illness, he just saw "55 year old man, died after being in hospital" and checked Unnatural Cause of Death.
Which meant that, on a Saturday night, at 3am, the police came to the tiny home, declared his room a crime scene, put a note on his toe and carted him off somewhere
to where nobody knew..
which is how I spent the whole Sunday calling different police stations to find my dad. it was a weekend, which meant that only very few people were working, shifts had just ended, no one answered a phone and it was in general a nuisance
Well. I found him after a few hours, or I found a police officer who was there and said they couldn't do anything (since it was an Unnatural Death) and I had to involve The Law.. which I did. called the prosecutor and explained the issue, he said, that's ok, he will talk to the judge to speed up the process. I asked how long it would take.. ... ... ... ...
"Not more than three months."
in the end it took two days, and we were told his body actually never left town, he was brought to the nearest funeral home and left there....
so, that's the story how we lost my dad's corpse 🤣 and I am 100% sure that he somehow orchestrated this shit from Beyond 😁😁
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A lot of modern interpretations of polytheistic religions seems very 'Christianity-poisoned' tbh. Like they use the same structure of it and just swap Zeus into the role and dont change at all the fundamental approach to how people even THINK about deities and their role in society/nature. Its like they have trouble seeing religion as anything other that something hierarchical with an 'objective' truth you're expected to follow no matter what. When in reality, many religions don't have a defining religious text at all and just have culturally important pieces of art or poems, if that. It's kind of fascinating really, how Christianity is so large in number but such an outlier in structure. -signed an ex christian turned polytheist who is absolutely baffled constantly by christian relatives thinking my new religion is just Christianity with different gods swapped in and will not change their mind no matter how much it's explained that no, it is not like that.
yeah i think christianity plays a huge amount into this definitely. i think i also have a problem with the concept of non-western/modern religions being more "in tune" with nature or the natural world. like if you sit down and read a lot of greek texts there's like... plays! that deal with the gods. but mostly any scientific or philosophical based text is based much more on humanity and thinking. though tbf this is my problem directed a lot at w*cca (censored for people to not find this post in searching LOL) and people using outside concepts from other religions without considering their cultural or historical contexts. idk ive just met a lot of girls that were in my primarily white upper class private catholic high school where they would be self described as "hellenistic w*ccans" and then ignore anything i'd say on them being straight up factually wrong on how the greek gods were worshipped or treated (im sure not all people in this group are like this it is just the experience i had with multiple people) truly not a fun experience to be like Hey its kind of weird to hold this goddess up for your mysticism when she wasn't historically used in this way nor have you read any ancient texts from the time period where she had prominence. also general lack of respect on them refusing to pronounce the names right :I like if you're going to worship these random nymphs i think you should at least learn greek pronunciation to SAY their names
#grask#this turned into a ramble LOL i think christianity influences a lot into this#again i don't think every w*ccan is like this or lacks respect of the source cultures
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ooooo for lewin and silka, 1, 6, 11, and 23!!
Mornin' Bishop! 💕
1) Does your OC have a voice claim, if so who?
I don't really mark voice claims tbh. I've gone down the rabbit hole of trying to figure it out multiple times. And always get side-tracked listening to Fire Emblem Three Houses clips. :D I'm sure I have influences when I think of their dialogue in my head but it's hard to attach them to a particular person.
(from here out; the orange text is for Lewin, the blue for Silka).
6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?
Ah. This one I have thought of before. ^_^ Lewin would be a History Professor with multiple books published about Daedric Cults. (His disdain for Sanguine tends to bleed through onto the page which should make them a hard sell. But thus far people just gloss past it, or assume he was raised in an Aedra worshiping environment).
Silka would own a coffee shop that has open mic nights frequently. she knows better than to attempt to live off the royalties alone for the songs she writes (they tend to be ballads and instrumentals). She'll often sing or play her instruments at her shop herself, and she's known to leave the running of the shop in the hands of her co-owner for weeks on end while acting in local plays.
11) What was your inspiration for your OC?
For Lewin, what happened is I was writing an AU for Whumptober last year and I decided that Copper's father needed the help of the Thieves Guild in Wayrest to find out what happened to their ship. This led to me needing to create a character who could be an obstacle to finding that out. One who needed to be enough of a problem to make things more difficult for the local thieves. So, I thought, 'werewolf it is.'
And as I continued writing it, I settled on the idea of having him there to try and foil a demi-prince of Sanguine, which led to me deciding he needed to be one himself. (in order to counter Seanwen properly). I'd originally intended him to just flirt with Vilkas but I quickly found I enjoyed writing their dialogue. Adding in Copper to the mix was just as fun. And during the whole thing I had a friend who was pestering me in the comments and during writing sprints about who of the new characters would show up during the canon events.
I mulled it over for most of that month, thinking of ways it would work. And that's what led me to adding him to the main fics.
For Silka, I knew I wanted my Dragonborn to have ties to the Bard's College, as I adore music and love playing Bards any chance I get. I also love playing Healers. So, I made her both.
And I thought, since I was creating her to play with the Kaidan 2 mod, that maybe I could give her Blade or Akaviri ties herself. Gave her Blade family, but I figured they'd logically hide those ties. And after thinking it over, I opted to go for the idea that she writes music about both. Music that, of course, got her arrested by the Thalmor.
23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire?
Lewin. Absolutely. And he'd bring your preferred hot beverage of choice with him, stay at your side while waiting for roadside service to get there, or bring Vilkas along and have him swap out the tire.
Silka. Again, yes. She'd offer to fix the tire herself, and let you look through her extensive collection of CDs while waiting. Or drive you home and offer to drive you back in the morning. Whatever your preference.
Thank you for the ask! 💕
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#she hides herself away and is so unfair to the ppl that care abt her bc they don't know the parts she's hidden!#like that tweet where someone said they told their partner they imagined them seeing texts from them#and sighing/getting annoyed abt it and their partner saying#'that's hurtful i wish you wouldn't imagine me like that'#and like this idea that our own hurt/suffering absolves us of perpetuating harm and how that hurts the ppl that care abt us#penelope believes she is unseen and unheard bc she IS in a lot of circumstances including with her own family#but she pushes that onto eloise and colin and that's not fair to them.#she believes she lies and keeps things from them bc that's what they want bc they don't really care#but she also resents that they don't know those parts of her. when they try! they want to! but she doesn't let them!#also tbh....i think the insistence on her innocence is kind of a carry over from the book#bc she is largely......innocent and constantly victimized by other ppl#and whistledown in books punches down a lot less#but in the show penelope and whistledown are a lot meaner#and ppl combine/swap the two even though they're now very different characters @tvxcue
these are some of the most thoughtful tags I have ever gotten on a post and I agree wholeheartedly. For Penelope to assume that Colin and Eloise should not know about her in full because they will reject her is a disservice to them and to herself. In particular, this hits very hard with Colin, who just wants the opportunity to love the entirety of her, an experience she is denying him due to her own fears.
This also extends to her concerns about telling him she's LW after their engagement, too. Sure, there are moments where he's talking about disliking LW, but he does not know that LW is her. Disliking her existence as a random entity is very different than disliking her as she relates to Penelope- because when he knows she is Penelope, he understands the context.
And he already loves her. A large part of her. He has done everything in his power to reassure her of that fact. In many ways, Penelope's arc is allowing herself to be loved, and that's scary. Because she is getting everything she has ever wanted with Colin, and now feels like she'll lose him if she shows him who she is. But that's unfair to put onto him. I also think Eloise wouldn't have been as hurt if Penelope confided in her about being LW- it was finding out on their own and thus realizing she did not trust them that hurts, not even so much that she writes Lady Whistledown.
penelope, intentions, privacy, and the infantalization of innocence
or: a call to see Penelope as the complicated character she actually is
there has been, for some good time now, a sense in the general fandom space that hinges on Penelope being a perfect angel who did everything she did out of altruism, or a feeling of separating or minimizing her actions through Whistledown, divorcing her from her decisions (in the classic 'she had no choice' or 'no one listened to her as Pen' fabrications). and i am here to, once again, beg for a nuanced look at her, and in particular those who cared for her whom she hurt deeply
let's dig in
Lady Whistledown is Penelope's coping mechanism, and it is clear from the first article she wrote. Penelope is posturing, putting on a front. This first article is the root of her intentions, the core of what she hopes for, and the mold for which she wishes to be. Just read some of these lines
I know people better than they know themselves. I can see what is happening behind closed doors better than those behind them.
This is an act, a falsity. Penelope *doesn't* know more about people than they know about themselves. How could she? She is largely ignored by the general populace. She wrote this article before she was even out in society. She had little access to balls or information, her sisters debuted with her, and her mother and father weren't particularly popular members of the community. What Penelope knew of others, she knew from external observations.
This is where the falsification first begins: she can't possibly see what is happening behind closed doors, but she wants to. Penelope is an outsider wanting to look in, wanting to look in so deeply that she understands and knows others in intimate ways without putting in the hard work of gaining their trust. LW being published before Penelope is out in the general society is proof of Penelope's powerlessness in the general scheme of Mayfair: and she has a right to feel that way. She is not particularly cared for in her own family, nor is she listened to by them. She is angry. Her friendship with Eloise is one in which two girls who are both frustrated with their circumstances come to meet.
The fact that such a thing could be printed with, essentially, her allowance, is also proof that she is disregarded as she is. No one notices when she is gone, she is, by and large, invisible. As such, she doubles down on the power fantasy of Lady Whistledown.
Do not try to close your doors tighter to protect your privacy as I may already be inside. And thus I will slowly get inside each and everyone's head.
I don't know about you, but reading that is chilling. Though of course I am taking it with the modern perspective of living in an age where privacy continues to be stripped, there's something particularly cruel about insisting that you are inescapable. It's written in a way that is intended as a threat, followed by
No need to panic, I will be fair, gentle reader
and this is where Penelope's intentions come in. Do I believe she genuinely and truly wanted to be fair? Yes. Do I believe Penelope has a well developed sense of what fairness entails? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And she's not SUPPOSED to. Because Penelope also perpetuates her own invisibility, even in the midst of her pride in writing Whistledown. Penelope punches down repeatedly, but she does not think she is doing so. For Penelope the person, she is 'exposing the truth' in a general sense of hard hitting journalism, but Lady Whistledown, her persona, cultivated a power others don't have. When she wrote of the unnamed Modiste unfavorably, she ran her out of business: because LW has the power and privilege of being heard, the power and privilege to ruin lives and reputations, to sequester people to bad opinions and derision.
And one of the first people she does this to is her mum and her family, including herself. In the very first LW article, she mentions only the Featheringtons and the Bridgertons, along with one other lady, Miss Boltenston, who Penelope writes would be best for a suitor who prefers bedtime conversation as opposed to other activities.
Three misses. Foisted upon the marriage market like sorrowful sows by their tasteless, tactless dear mama-- the luckless souls.
Then, when discussing the Bridgertons, the only people who have been seen as being genuinely nice to her, she writes that they're perfect, full of refinement, "four perfectly handsome sons and four perfectly beautiful daughters. Yes. Perfect, indeed"
but this isn't meant to be a compliment. In particular when we go back and listen to Eloise's hunt for LW and her conversation with Penelope at her door.
"Whistledown is someone free and unencumbered by society, she is a single woman of means, better yet she is a widow who would be invited to all the events but not paid any attention, so while you are at the ball-"
"Eloise I do not care! People have real problems, mature problems, problems that have nothing to do with the secret identity of some silly writer. " "And you are so mature now?" "I am of age, I am out in society, therefor I have more important mature things to worry about." "Like what?" "Like marriage." "You do not care about marriage." "What if I do!? I do not expect you to understand. Not everyone can be a pretty Bridgerton."
There's a resentment that Penelope has for the Bridgertons. She loves them, absolutely, but we can't sit here and deny that Penelope isn't jealous and doesn't discuss it or dig deeper into those feelings to unwrap or unlearn them. There are reasons for it, of course, but this is a facet of her character that often gets overlooked. And it keeps her from opening up. To Colin and to Eloise.
I exhaust of the perfect Miss Penelope Featherington, always the victim of other people's harms, always doing everything she does because she's such a #good person. It leaves the door shut to her growth. Penelope has good INTENTIONS with bad outcomes. She hopes that she will, herself, not be corrupted by the power she so criticizes others for misusing, but she falls into the same pitfalls and that is compelling as hell to explore.
My intention is not to shed any blood but to shed some light on the true events in our society. My words, though might be hurtful, are not meant to be mean. They are meant to be fair . .be prepared to hear the truth about yourself and your kin.
I'm glad she acknowledged that her words would be hurtful, though she hides behind what she intends as opposed to the outcome. Because she absolutely did shed blood, she genuinely could have killed Marina with what she published. And after she does so, she comes back from it still owning that bloodshed, for she writes things such as 'sharpening my knives for you' and hailing her pen as a weapon. There's no indication she wrote to her cousin or offered any support or condolences. She has to ask Colin how Marina is doing, as though she does not know on her own.
Penelope wants to be a good person who does good things. But goodness is not black and white and Penelope falls deeper and deeper into her LW persona internally whilst pretending she is unchanged on the exterior.
There's a line in the book, when she says 'Maybe I grew up' and that's what I need from her in S3. This is, largely, a very long essay more so in response to a fandom version of Penelope than the real Penelope, because the show does show her actions as being wrong. Penelope cries and agonizes over her choices because she knows they aren't good, but she does them anyway because her idea of what should happen matters more than other people's agency in their decisions.
People talk about how Eloise was a bad friend to Penelope, how she didn't listen to her, but in reality, Penelope did not actually talk to her, save to tell her she has different life goals than Eloise does. So many moments in which Penelope could confide in her that she does not take.
In particularly, I think about after Penelope's father passes, and Eloise visits her. This comes at the heels of Penelope exposing Marina's pregnancy to the ton and publicly destroying Colin's engagement to her, as well as Eloise saving her from being caught by the Queen.
"The ones we love have the power to inflict the greatest scars. For what thing is more fragile than the human heart?"
And then Eloise comforting her. Telling her
"I am here, Pen, to help you to find a reason every day to enjoy in the absence of your dear Papa. I know you shall miss him."
to which Penelope replies with
"Share something good. What happened with Whistledown? Did you save Mdm. Delecroix?"
No discussion of how she actually feels, only a deflection, even as Eloise assures her she has a friend. But Penelope already knows what Eloise will tell her with this response, and also knows that she has the wrong idea of who Whistledown is, but she would rather have a conversation she knows the outcome to than spill open to her closest friend. That's lonely as hell. Penelope forces herself to be apart, as well. It's a behavior she needs to unlearn.
Penelope keeps her own secrets but cannot allow others to do so. She spirals in what she perceives to be her own powerlessness whilst her actions have the most impact, good and bad, upon near everyone in her vicinity.
Eloise tells her: "You are my friend, and I do not wish for secrets to set us apart" and though Penelope agrees, she does not confide in her. Even when it comes to Eloise's relationship to Theo and her burgeoning romantic feelings for him, something she confesses to Penelope, asking if she can relate, Penelope does not offer the same vulnerability. Instead, she insists that people already know about her relationship with Theo, and Eloise trusts her, though it's untrue. No one else was talking about Eloise and Theo, and yes, Penelope writing about her as LW was wrong and awful, but a more intimate pain she inflicted was that Penelope was encouraging Eloise away from him and away from her own feelings.
Eloise even tells Theo: "People are already talking about us" when they almost kiss as a reason for them to stop seeing each other. But no one is. This is a lie Penelope tells Eloise.
and this takes me to the final act of it all: People DO listen to Penelope. The people who MATTER listen to her and encourage her. There are constant discussions of how Eloise does not listen or how Colin didn't listen, but looking back at those conversations and interactions: Eloise and Colin listen to Penelope very closely, in fact.
Eloise repeats things Penelope says to her, trusts what she says. Yes, she is often talking to Penelope and 'using her as a sounding board' because that is what friends do. Balance comes when both parties do so. Penelope does not do the same back. She does not discuss, she does not say what she means, what she feels, what she believes.
And she does the same to Colin. Colin who wrote her letters for months. Colin who recognizes her intentions. Colin who talks to her about his hopes and plans, an action she does not reciprocate up until S2 when they talk after the botched wedding. Even when Colin asks how she's been after they meet for the first time that season, she lies and says it's all fine. This comes from an assumption from her that he doesn't care about her because he doesn't love her romantically, but Colin obviously cares a lot for Pen. Even in S1 he cares about her deeply and earnestly. I don't understand the narrative of him not listening to her, because I think he listens to and hears her more than almost anyone else does.
Even in this conversation
"I believe you deserve to know" "Is there something on my face? Has it been there all evening? It has hasn't it? Sorry, go on." "I have wanted to talk to you since the engagement was announced but we have always been in company" "So this is something about Marina?" "Her heart belongs to another." "What?" "His name is Sir George Crane, he is a first son, a soldier, they rent the neighboring properties in the country, I am sorry Colin, but I have seen their love letters. I thought you should know before it is too late." "You really are very good, you know that? Do you think that I would care she had fond feelings for another before we met? It would be rather rich of me considering I've flirted with half the girls in London at one point or another." "No, you misunderstand, this was no mere flirtation, Marina loves this man, she loves him still." "And yet she is marrying me."
This conversation is often cited as proof that Colin doesn't listen to her, but reading it: he is listening very clearly. She told him Marina loved someone else before, he replied that it doesn't matter (can we take a moment to applaud him for this, also? that's a really mature response from him) and then when she tries to clarify, she does so by telling him that she loves someone else. But that's not what she actually wants to say.
What she's saying is to dissolve the engagement and she believes Colin the kind of person who would cut ties with someone who loved someone else before, but he isn't. It's not that he isn't listening to her, it's that he IS and he isn't responding in the way she wants. This scene is ALSO Colin asking Penelope to understand him, to understand his choices, to support him as well. He ends this conversation with a plea: Trust me, Pen, do not fret. Asking for her to take him seriously. Instead of trusting him, trusting him to his decisions, trusting him with the truth, she instead takes matters back into her own hands.
Because what she publishes is
"As if the Featheringtons did not have enough to be dealing with, Miss Marina Thompson is with child. And she has been from the very first day she arrived in our fair city."
That is HEAPS different from what she talked to Colin about, but it solidifies her innocence to him, because at the core of it, she wants PARTS of what Whistledown is, but not all of it. She WANTS Colin to see her as good and she wants to have a soft love story with him, all at the cost of who she actually is. She sanitizes herself for Colin because she does not understand or cannot face that he already has affection for her as she already is, that she can trust him for who HE is. He isn't in love with her (yet) because she hasn't shown him who she is in her entirety, but he DOES love her, regardless.
(Which I think is so beautiful. Here is a person who refuses time and time again to be open and vulnerable (because of her own trauma and complications, no shade, we've all been there) and yet he sees that she's special and keeps opening the door for her to talk to him. Let it never be said that Colin doesn't have a special place for her in his heart, regardless of a SINGULAR comment of his that she heard out of context)
Colin and Eloise are constantly asking how she's doing, constantly leaning in to see what she says, and the brief moments in when she confides in them, they obviously keep it close and recognize those moments as being special. It's Penelope who has to contest with the mortifying ordeal of being known: and that is her character arc. Her character arc is not that she did nothing wrong because no one else would listen, they do, but even when they don't (and Marina doesn't HAVE to listen to her about dissolving the engagement. Marina had to look out for her own wellbeing and the wellbeing of her future family and she had every right to considering everyone proved to her that no one else will) Penelope has Eloise and Penelope has Colin, two people who care deeply for her. Who she has written about and betrayed trust in. Who she needs to apologize to and make amends. And no, an apology is not 'I'm sorry, but I did it because X', Eloise didn't want excuses from Pen, she wanted accountability, and she was right to demand it.
Because the beautiful thing is that we have ALL hurt our friends, we have all been the bad friend, and we have all fucked up immensely, and such things make us human and capable of change, something Penelope is continuously denied as a character in the uwu perfect baby narrative that gets cultivated.
I think this quote sums up her dissonance very well
"Perhaps I will come forward one day, though you must know dear reader, that decision should be left entirely up to me."
at the end of it, this is a conversation about trust and agency. Penelope upholds her own privacy, her own right to secrecy, and denies everyone else the same, including people who adore her. Colin and Eloise and Marina all become villains in this light as opposed to what they actually are: People with their own wants and dreams who also deserve their own right to privacy. And my personal hope is that with who LW is in the show, Penelope recognizes that she doesn't need that persona as a coping mechanism. Not in her friendship with Eloise and not in her romance with Colin. She does not need LW to be heard because she *is* heard. She only needs to say what she really means.
In her very first article, Penelope writes
"Hiding behind this paper is a brave person who can protect herself with a pen."
but when Eloise tells her she is "Sequestered here in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town, all because you are too scared to stand up for yourself in reality" she takes that to heart and gets defensive and furious because at the core of things, it's TRUE. it hurt her *because* it was true. Penelope does NOT stand nor speak up for herself in the light, only in her writing. and it doesn't have to be that way.
her character arc is growing to the point where she can do so. where she no longer needs LW to speak on her opinions or how she feels, where she doesn't rely on it. her character arc IS to become brave. people ALREADY like her. they already see her insight as valuable. LW is a coping mechanism Penelope used because she thought no one else listened, but they prove her wrong and she has to grapple with that. she is loved and she needs to learn to accept it. she is loved and she did bad things. she can make mistakes and still be loved. she can own what she's done and know she is surrounded by people who care for her to the point of accountability.
and isn't that just so much more satisfying?
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Monday, January 8th, 2024!
11:32am HCI class this morning, really boring still I regret to inform everyone 😂 no tests this semester, just projects. Easy A but a real brain drain. Not letting the brain drain get to me though! Hopped out of that class (9-11am) and now I'm at Panera getting free coffee (it's chilly out!). I'm going to shoe carnival to use a $15 voucher and also other little errands today. I just realized I'm really hungry (I had 2 prebiotic sodas last night and absolutely BLEW UP this morning so I actually don't think there's anything in my stomach tbh haha). I think I should get a snack bc my stomach will pass start hurting soon. Just checking in! New semesters can be overwhelming so I'm gonna keep coming back here.
11:49am have selected bogo bacon mcdoubles for lunch with my coffee :) eating food is good for you! I am very thankful ❤️
2:34pm lol I went down a rabbit hole and I'm about to be off my phone for the rest of the day. But it's worth it bc I looked on Vividseats and found a $20 after tax ticket to see Company at the Straz tmrw. I have heard of this musical before but didn't know what it was or any of the songs. Omg I didn't the last 1.5 hrs listening to the original Broadway cast recording in my car and investigating the plot and I am very excited!! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about I had no idea that's what I was going to do today and definitely had no idea I was going to see a Broadway show tomorrow night when I freaking woke up this morning, how do I explain to people that this literally is my hobby. Novelty and new experiences is my hobby. Learning about things is my hobby. Listening to new music is my hobby. Reading about how they are being hot and *controversial* about the gender swap in this revival of a 50+ year old play?? I find this fascinating and I am excited AF now about something I couldn't tell you one lick about this morning. This is my favorite thing to do. This is such a perfect example of my idea of a good time.
Do other people never do things like this?? It's spontaneous, but not expensive or dangerous or retarded, it's just spontaneous and interesting to me personally.
4:05pm I actually went to shoe carnival and used the coupon in their email and got a pair of yellow box sandals for $7 even! Just got home, ate a granola bar and am about to take a nap.
11:45pm I want to text him. I'm ALSO FIVE DRINKS IN LMAO. OFC I wish I had a man to fuck rn. I GOT MYSELF DINNER AND DRINKS!!!! NOW it feels like I've been wined and dined and primed to FUCK. But it's literally just me.... I wined and dined myself bc it's the first day of school, things are stressful and they're bound to be more stressful going forward. I wanted to treat myself before I get depressed AF. Is there another man/ woman here?? Fuck NO. I got ME, MYSELF and I BITCH. Dinner was a delicious pizza from king state and a cocktail and 4 shots while I watched "Hair" so yeah ofc I'm COMFORTABLE AND TURNED ON THAT'S LITERALLY ALL IT FUCKING TAKES I'M NOT DIFFICULT BY ANY FUCKING MEANS. one day there will be a man that understands, but until then it's just me, I got me, I know me better than anyone else. All the men I've met are JUST A DELUSION IN MY MIND BRO I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I *CLEARLY* HAVE NOT MET HIM YET and that's ok,bc ..... I got ME.
Hopefully this rant has dissuaded me from texting him bc wtf he's SO FUCKED UP EVEN IF HE ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME HE'S UNABLE TO FUCKING DO SHIT ABOUT IT. HE'S A BUM ASS BITCH AND CAN'T MEET YOUR STANDARDS!!!!!!! YOU MEET YOUR STANDARDS WHERE YOU ARE EVERY DAMN DAY. HE FUCKED UP AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. LITERALLY LET HIM ROT ONG BC HIS DUMBASS PICKED A LIL BITCH OVER YOU (A STRONG ASS HO WHO DOESN'T TOLERATE BULLSHIT!!!!!). THE END OMG.
1:34am why TF am I still awake ooooorhhg I am killing myself fr.
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