#i think the like paris scene tips it into r

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

[kazetokinouta-a]

List of Good Kazeki Fanfictions

There are a lot of fanfictions about Kaze to Ki no Uta on the Internet, in this list we are going to see only the finished ones.

Warning: I do not own the rights to any of the stories cited here, all credits are their proper authors. The following list is for fan to fan promotion only. Kaze to Ki no Uta belongs to Keiko Takemiya.The stories here were all I read and the ones in English are complete.

When the Earth Touched the Water

Link :  https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13113410/1/When-the-Earth-Touched-the-Water

One Shot Writed by Despaired Author

Synopsis:In a world where one's zodiac sign determines one's looks and abilities, a Capricorn learns the dangers of crossing a seemingly harmless Pisces. (Zodiac Personification AU)

My opinion:It's a short story, but a very good one. If you are looking for something different and with a lighter plot then this fanfic is perfect for you.

Dull Gold Silence

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12478185/1/Dull-Gold-Silence

One-shot by Despaired Author

Synopsis:Just another day in Paris for Serge and Gilbert after the accident. (Canon divergence from Volume 17)

My Opinion: It is sad and happy at the same time, Gilbert does not die but is sequeled after the events of volume 17.

Shut up, Please!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11676501/1/Shut-Up-Please

One Shot  by Despaired Author

Synopsis: "Oh my god, will you shut up already!" — In which Gilbert only meant to kiss Serge to shut him up… at least, in the beginning.

My Opinion: This is more romantic with a bit of humor, has no sad ending and has a kind of provocative scene at the end.

Twisted Fate

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10370751/1/Twisted-Fate

One Shot by Despaired Author

Synopsis: The two of them fought, and one ran away. The other set out to search for him. As the rain pours down, the runaway finds himself back down the road where the carriages would mainly enter Paris. Their fates are sealed, and the fate one shall meet is beyond twisted. Yaoi. Character Death. No like, no read.

My Opinion: Beautiful, sad and inspiring are the words I would use to describe this story. Just say one thing, prepare tissues for the end.

SergexGilbert Music

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9233685/13/SergexGilbert-Music

13 Chapters by Despaired Author

Synopsis: Series of short stories based on songs I have randomly heard on the radio. Also songs I think would match my favorite romantic couple of all time! WARNING: Yaoi/gay actions and maybe some other stuff that make this Rated T! NOT SONG-FICS! SergexGilbert There will a few chapters that will be related to each other, thereby created a mini-series within the stories!

My Opinion: A cute, well writed story, the last chapter even made my heart race. At the end of each chapter there is a very entertaining dialogue between the characters and the author.

Mirror Image

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4830983/21/Mirror-Image

21 Chapters by Enmy

Synopsis: There's a new student at Laconblade Academy. Will he gain Gilbert's trust or he will just fall in Gilbert's trap like everyone else?

My Opinion: A happy ending where Gilbert finally finds the happiness he deserves.

Untouchable

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9257141/8/Untouchable

8 Chapters by Despaired Author

Synopsis: Serge is a student at the now all-gender school Lacombrade Academy in France. Gilbert is the new student with a mysterious past and also happens to be Serge's roommate. What secrets does he hold behind his innocent appearance? And what scars are they both hiding from the world? The beautiful romance with my own little twist! Warnings inside! SergexGilbert forever!

My Opinion: A good narrative to read, with a good and peaceful ending.

Insults

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9148331/1/Insults

29 Chapters by Despaired Author

Synopsis:A prequel to my first Kaze to Ki no Uta fanfic. Serge and Gilbert's relationship slowly reveals itself at Lacombrade Academy. Will their love triumph, no matter who finds out about their secret? And what does the universe have in store to test their love? WARNING: Yaoi/Gay actions included!

My Opinion: A long story that precedes another fanfic, is a story of good quality and worth reading. A tip, read also part two, you will be thrilled. 

Kissing Sins

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9113184/1/Kissing-Sins

30 Chapters by Despaired Author

Synopsis: Serge and Gilbert have run away to Paris to live a new life as lovers. Will their love survive? Will Gilbert's past tear them apart? How long will they be able to survive in Paris? Am I asking too many questions (the ultimate question)? WARNING: Yaoi/Gay actions included!

My Opinion: It's the continuation of what I said earlier, it sure is one of the best, most complete and exciting fanfics I've ever read. If you have time, read from the previous to the end of this one and you won't regret it.

Freak Like Me

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9243328/1/Freak-Like-Me

One Shot by TheWammy'sHouseReject

Synopsis: You don't belong here either, do you, Serge?

My Opinion:It is focused on Gilbert's point of view, is interesting to read and matches what the character would think.

Another Glass of Wine

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7307151/1/Another-Glass-of-Wine

One Shot y Anomalous One

Synopsis:Despite his actions in the past, Auguste Beau has very much become somebody that Jules admires, and if he wouldn't mind being seduced by him, well, that isn't his fault, is it? Spoiler/trigger warning for Rosemariné's past.

My Opinion:After reading this story, I could understand a little more about Rosemariné's past and Jules's view of Auguste. It's worth reading, it's a different thing.

Complication

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7307147/1/Complication

One Shot by Anomalous One

Synopsis: Jules' feelings for Rosemariné are far more complicated than he'd like them to be, and when they take tea together he sometimes does his best to try and understand. Spoilers/trigger warning for Rosemariné's past.

My Opinion: If you ship Rosemarine x Jules, then this fanfic is perfect for you. It shows what everyone who read the manga wants Jules to admit, his true feelings for Rossy.

Joyeux Anniversaire

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7307138/1/Joyeux-Anniversaire

One Shot by Anomalous One

Synopsis:It's Rosemariné's thirteenth birthday, and he wants a special present from Jules. Blushy awkwardness ensues.

My Opinion: It's a cute story, it shows that the feeling that exists between Rosemarine and Jules has always existed since they were children.

Perfume

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7307122/1/Perfume

One Shot by Anomalous One

Synopsis: Jules' bedroom smells of the outdoors, and books, and lavender perfume. It smells like roses, too, which is understandable and disconcerting and exactly what makes him happy.

My Opinion: This is one of those stories that make the reader imagine what could happen next, once again Rosemarine and Jules try to admit what they feel for each other, it is worth checking out.

A Thorned Rose

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4813179/1/A-Thorned-Rose

12 Chapters by eirinatakebana

Synopsis: (The synopsis is unavailable, however, it is a happy ending version of the original manga)

My Opinion: Of all the fanfics mentioned here, this is certainly one of my favorites, the story is very beautiful, well written and will make you emotional in the end.

Sleep In

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4819924/1/Sleep-In

One Shot by Sara Jaye

Synopsis: Serge, for once, wishes he could stay in bed instead of going to class.

My Opinion: One of the shortest stories, but it's cute and shows one of the few moments of joy for Serge and Gilbert.

My Only Love

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2165402/1/My-Only-Love

One Shot by X-Bride

Synopsis: Serge portrays his feeling towards Gilbert in a passionate way. Will he finally fall in love and realize his true feelings? My fist Kaze To Ki No Uta fic! Please read and comment! Thankyou!

My Opinion: The structure of the story looks like a poem, is beautiful and resembles something that Serge would actually write.

Ultima carta de despedida ( Last farewell letter)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2842927/1/Ultima-carta-de-despedida

One Shot by yamato ishida yagami

Synopsis: Gilbert escribe una carta a Serge antes de morir... ( Gilbert writes a letter to Serge before he dies ..)

My Opinion: The story is written in Spanish, but it's so good that I couldn't help but quote it here. Copy and paste the text into Google Translate, because it's worth reading, it's very good.

WonderCraft

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2446923/1/WonderCraft

One Shot by X-Bride

Synopsis: Gilbert breaks down in his black despair and Serge is there to comfront him. What will they learn about themselves and their existence? Slight attempted suicide. R&R!

My Opinion: Similar to what happens in the original manga, Serge comforts Gilbert during his suicidal thoughts, is beautiful to read and shows the real meaning of true love.

[fics-in-a-bottlepost]

Some important notes:

1. I cannot make a "continue reading" because I'm on the app. I'll change that for the next stories.

2. I will make a tag list if anyone wants that. Just write "taglist" or whatever in the comments

3. This is an old Enjoltaire fic that I posted on wattpad some time ago in german and It was sitting in my notes ever since so here we go:

It knocked four times. Courfeyrac, apparently. Reluctantly I laid the brush down on the colour palette, stood up and wiped my hands on my old trousers before shuffling to the door, took a sip from a bottle and opened the door. The brunette slipped inside and went straight through to my bedroom. I followed him slowly and stopped in the doorway. With a careful glance he looked at my latest work of art. Enj, as mostly.

Courfeyrac didn't even turn around when he started talking: "He noticed." I kept an eye on him, sipping wine over and over. "Who?"

Now Courfeyrac was getting away from my painting. "E. He knows you weren't there."

"And?", I replied, confused. Enjolras wasn't usually interested in me, he hardly ever noticed me. If he did, he only gave me mocking or annoyed looks, because I interrupted his high speeches with critical remarks.

"He asked for you," Courfeyrac said. Sure he did. The brunette was just trying to lure me back to the Musain so he could amuse himself with my comments. I asked what E had wanted while I put the empty bottle on the table and resumed my artistic activities.

"There was no one there to criticize him. Maybe he missed you," Courfeyrac replied with a grin, leaving me a little more space.

"Sure," I replied ironically and finished my work of art before opening a new bottle.

Courf sat down on a chair in the corner. "He was totally unfocused, had to start over several times. Man R, He's worried!"

Of course. E only had his revolution in mind.

Courfeyrac knew I liked men, more precisely, the blond Apollo. He knew I drew, he knew I drew Enjolras. He knew that I drank to much again and was not really interested in the revolution, but was usually there to listen and stare at Apollo, as I liked to call him, while I drew. Mostly him.

The gong of a church tower clock could be heard from outside, in half an hour the others would meet in the Musain without me. Since I had started a fight with Bahorel at the Corinth almost a week ago, which was ended by E, I had not been there or at the Musain anymore. Enjolras had pressed me against the wall in rage and lectured me. First about me being drunk as usual, then about us having more important things to do, and then something about the fight. I had hardly listened, pushed him away at some point, got my jacket and my folder and hadn't been there since.

As expected, Courf got up, straightened his clothes and went towards the door. He turned around again in the doorway. "Write him you're all right. "If you're not coming back, write him."

"Not interested," I said grumpy and tried to get rid of him. He just grinned and stood firm. "Otherwise I'll tell him you're here," that was all he said. I threateningly held the brush in front of his face: "You wouldn't dare."

"If you have not written a letter by tomorrow morning, I feel obliged to do so. You can leave the letter on your doorstep and I will pass it on, you don't even have to leave home for it. I'll see you." were his last words before he disappeared into the darkness

I closed the door, sat down at my desk and dropped my head on the table with a loud bang. Some empty and full wine bottles clinked, I took one of the full ones and enjoyed another drink. To the revolution, hm?

Even 7 hours later I still had not put a single letter on the paper in front of me. I had made up my mind, because I did not want Enjolras to show up here personally. I didn't have enough storage space to hide all the drawings and I would give anything to make sure Apollo didn't see them.

With tired eyes I looked at the picture I had painted today. Enjolras, with the red jacket and a red flag in his hand, standing over the city. Slight signs of angel wings were visible behind him. Sighing, I took the now dry picture from the easel, put an R on the front and the description "Leader in Red" on the back.

I put the picture aside and drank the rest of the wine bottle. I quickly put the words "I'm fine" on the empty sheet of paper before tiredly putting the sheet of paper into an envelope and laying it outside the door as the sun slowly rose over Paris. A little later I dozed off.

When I woke up again, the sun was already high in the sky. I cleared my dry throat with a few sips of wine and tried to remember what had woken me from my sleep. I received the answer when there was another line of knocks at the door. Definitely more than 4 knocks. I moved withoug the bottle to the door and already heard a childish voice. "Grantaire! Gavroche here, Courfeyrac sent me with post. Open up, R. "

I opened the door, pressed a few coins into the boy's outstretched hand and received two letters in return.

Gavroche disappeared whistling happily and I sat down at the desk in my studio/bedroom after closing the door.

The first letter I opened was from Courf.

Hey R,

I delivered the letter. Do you still have all your artwork together? There was a drawing on the back of the letter, but I couldn't tell which one as quickly as Enjolras put the letter away. He saw them. I suppose it wasn't planned.

Courfeyrac

P.S.: I'll send Gavroche with the letter, I won't be able to make it myself today. Hope you tip the kid.

I dropped the bottle and started going through my drawings. It was definitely not planned for Apollo to get his hands on one of his drawings, but I couldn't figure out which one was missing.

With trembling fingers I reached for the bottle again and fetched the second letter. A drop of the red drink hit the white paper and left marks as I recognized the handwriting I had seen so often. Very carefully and accordingly slowly I opened the white letter, which was closed with a red seal. Red. Enjolras color.

17 words had been immortalized with blue ink on the white paper. It was nothing special and yet they touched me in a strange way.

The old bank on the banks of the Seine.

At dusk.

If you don't come, I'll come to you.

Enjolras

I carefully folded the letter back together, put it in the envelope and put it in a box on the shelf. In this box I kept the drawings I liked best, 95% of these artworks obviously showed E.

I started a new sketch and at the same time another bottle of wine to distract my brain from thinking up horror scenarios about the upcoming meeting.

Just as I finished and looked at the black and white drawing of the Musain, the time of nightfall began. I basically inhaled half a bottle of water to sober up at least a bit more than I even wa now. The wine had stopped from making problems disappear and it didn't make me feel light and happy and funny anymore. I sighed and left the dwelling.

From the said bench one had a fantastic view over the Seine. I had been here many times before and had captured this wonderful landscape.

When Enjolras appeared next to me the sun had already set. Without a word he sat down next to me and took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. I recognized my letter, but the paper was folded so that the drawing remained hidden. I unfolded it slowly.

The memories came back when I looked at the picture. It was originally a scene from the Musain. On the right side there was Enjolras on the table, on the left the Rest of us were spread out. I had drawn myself sitting on the wall, but only with very light strokes, so I looked rather invisible. Enji, on the other hand, was drawn with much more pressure, so that he was the center of attention.

Enjolras had obviously changed the picture.

He had traced the fine lines of my figure with a pencil, so that they now appeared darker and thicker than the others. I seemed more important.

"I didn't know you were drawing us." he said calmly. There was some kind of emotion hidden in it but I couldn't figure out which. I felt to dizzy and really warm. Maybe it was Apollos aura, his radiance

"Of course not." I scoffed "It seemed a miracle that you ever noticed my presence at all." Enjolras frowned at me. He looked cute when he was frowning and I hoped to not forget his face so I could draw it later

"It is wrong." he said.

I scoffed again."No. It's exactly as it originally appeared." My voice was kind of rough and it hurt as I spoke.

"You are not invisible. And I am not invincible, I am not as strong as you make me out to be." Enjolras said calmly while slowly shaking his head

I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what to say as all words seemed to have left my brain. "Damn you Enjolras." I thought and stared instead at the dark water in front of me, shimmering in the moonlight.

Enjolras put the drawing back in his pocket and dragged me to my feet. I walked beside him, our hands touching each other from time to time. I noticed for the first time that evening that I was really cold, which could be because I had left my coat at home. I trembled, but tried to suppress it as best I could. Out of an alley came soft voices which attracted my attention.

So I only noticed when it had happened that Enj had put his hand on my forehead. "You have a fever" he said and helped me into his jacket which he seemed to have taken off in my absence.

Something inside me screamed that it was not right to accept this gesture, but I remained silent.

"R?", the blond teared me out of my thoughts again. I made a questioning sound and looked into Apollo's pretty face as I turned my head "I asked, since when you have been sick?" His voice sounded much softer than usual and somehow worried.

I shrugged my shoulders and held on to Enjolras when my vision blurred and I tilted forward. At least I wanted to hold on to him, but I missed his shoulder completely and almost hit the ground.

Luckily for me Enjolras reaction time was much shorter than mine in my current condition and I found myself in his arms. E put me back on my feet and supported me all the way to my home. "Thank you", I said quietly and started to look for my key.

"It is wrong. I do not always think only of the revolution. There is something else I think about. Or rather someone," Enji said much quieter.

I turned around and tried to stop despite the dizzyness, he came closer and pressed me against the door by my shoulders to keep me upright as I slouched. Confused, I pulled my eyebrows together. "I see. What's that got to do with me?" E leaned his head forward and now spoke into my ear, "Because it's you."

Before I could even react, the blond had pulled his head back a little and made another movement. His lips lightly touched mine.

Shocked but happy, I returned the kiss as the door behind me gave way and I fell into my apartment. Apollo must have pulled the key from my pocket without me noticing. As I looked at him in bewilderment, he pulled the key out of the door, threw it on the old dresser beside it and closed the door.

I got up and stumbled behind him to cut off the blond man who was about to enter my bedroom. We fought until I got dizzy and fell over again. Blackout.

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[deanvannguyen]

All my 2017 writing

2017 was poisonous, corrosive and it consistently found new ways to chill my soul. I do, though, like some of the stuff I wrote in the last 12 months. Here's a list of everything published.

Smoke DZA & Pete Rock: Don’t Smoke Rock (Pitchfork)

Ain’t Nothin’ but a Paris Hit: PNL and the Art of French Hip-Hop (Passion of the Weiss)

The Power and the Peril: DOOM's albums ranked (Lactose and Lecithin)

Trump’s musical booking woes are unprecedented, even for a Republican (The Irish Times)

Diet Cig: “Tummy Ache” (Pitchfork)

Will the new festival from Glastonbury organisers be all that Bazaar? (The Irish Times)

Bay Area Boomin’: On Nef the Pharaoh’s Thrilling Career (Passion of the Weiss)

Sinkane: Life & Livin’ It (Pitchfork)

This Is A High: Blur’s Self-Titled LP Turns 20 (Headstuff)

Why Drake Matters (The Irish Times)

Searching For Sugar Man: How Nigeria’s Joe King Kologbo Lived The Highlife (Bandcamp Daily)

The bamboo ceiling: Hollywood’s problem with Asian actors (The Irish Times)

Burn the Soufflé: Hepburn and Holden’s Unjustly Forgotten Paris When It Sizzles (Headstuff)

How Much A Dollar Cost? On Prince's “Money Don't Matter 2 Night” (Forbes)

Mick Jenkins: “Pressed For Time (Crossed My Mind)” (Pitchfork)

The Meaning of Biggie: On Life After Death (Consequence of Sound)

Soul Control: Aretha Franklin’s ‘I Never Loved A Man The Way I Love You’ Turns 50 (Vinyl Me, Please)

Lil Durk: Love Songs for the Streets (Pitchfork)

Real Estate: In Mind (Consequence of Sound)

Dippin’ Again: Juelz Santana’s Unlikely Comeback (Passion of the Weiss)

Raekwon’s 10 Favorite Hip-Hop Albums of All Time (Consequence of Sound)

Centre stage: The return of Craig David (Irish Examiner)

Rejjie Snow: “Flexin’” (Pitchfork)

Grooving Through 1980s Lagos and Livy Ekemezie’s “Friday Night” (Bandcamp Daily)

State of the Nation: On Kendrick Lamar's thrilling 'DAMN.' (Lactose & Lecithin)

Space Jam: the best soundtrack of them all? (The Irish Times)

The Undocumented review: “To me the Irish are not the criminals Trump talks about” (The Irish Times)

Loaded review: This IT crowd need to reboot their one liners (The Irish Times)

Is Rejjie Snow the rap game’s Conor McGregor? (The Irish Times)

‘Anne With an E’ is playful, quaint and undercut with darkness (The Irish Times)

Interview with Inua Ellams: “It was difficult settling in to Dublin, dealing with racism and ignorance” (The Irish Times)

Chris Cornell: the Greek god of grunge who blazed his own path (The Irish Times)

Ireland’s Interracial Couples: It’s a Daily Struggle (The Irish Times)

Top 50 Songs of 1997 (Consequence of Sound)

Album of the Day: Vincent Ahehehinnou, “Best Woman” (Bandcamp Daily)

Mafioso Monster: On Payroll Giovanni’s ‘Payface’ (Passion of the Weiss)

Why doesn’t the prospect of an ethnic taoiseach excite me? (The Irish Times)

The last of the great grungers (The Irish Times)

Arcade Fire at Malahide Castle: everything you need to know (The Irish Times)

Body & Soul: Six acts not to miss (The Irish Times)

Mach-Hommy and Knxwledge Team Up on ‘The Spook’ (Passion of the Weiss)

Puff Daddy’s ‘No Way Out’ Turns 20 (Passion of the Weiss)

Ooooooohh, on the S4U Tip: Britain’s Slickest New R&B Act (Passion of the Weiss)

Where the streets have no statues: why do the Irish hate U2? (The Guardian)

I have the Michael Jackson skin condition (The Irish Times)

Have you been listening to ‘fake music’ on Spotify? (The Irish Times)

Tyler the Catalyst (The Irish Times)

Lights, camera, contortion: the trailblazing work of Tim Saccenti (The Irish Times)

Neomadic review: 1990s east coast hip-hop with a Dublin flavour (The Irish Times)

England was theirs: the high point of The Smiths (The Irish Times)

The 12 best unsung cult films from the depths of Netflix (The Irish Times)

Mozzy – ‘1 Up Top Ahk’ review: Relentlessly tough and soulful journey (The Irish Times)

A Tribe Called Quest: one of hip hop's greatest ever journeys (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic preview: A fortress of friends and curry cheese chips [partial] (The Irish Times)

A Guide to The Many Faces of Multi-Instrumentalist Charif Megarbane (Bandcamp Daily)

Electric Picnic – First impressions from a first timer (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic – Rejjie Snow at EP2017: The homecoming of a new-age Dublin rap star (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic – Orchestra’s take on 90s hits the hottest ticket in Stradbally (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic – Bicep fails to show true EP muscle (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic – Reviews from day two [partial: Katie Laffan, Jagwar Ma] (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic – Review from day three [partial: Real Estate] (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic – A Tribe Called Quest kick it at Electric Picnic (The Irish Times)

Electric Picnic – Father John Misty at Electric Picnic: ‘Where’d you get your hips?’ (The Irish Times)

Candice Gordon: Garden of Beasts – Gothic guitar-noir from Berlin-based Irish woman (The Irish Times)

Lee Ranaldo review: Proof that there’s life after Youth (The Irish Times)

The Best Post-Sonic Youth Songs (The Dowsers)

The 10 Best Curtis Mayfield Albums To Own On Vinyl (Vinyl Me, Please)

The cultural crimes and white privilege of Miley Cyrus (The Irish Times)

Kele Okereke review: The kitsch is all right – just about (The Irish Times)

King Krule - The OOZ album review: as classically cool as a round-neck tee (The Irish Times)

LeRoy Hutson: Anthology 1972-1984 – stepping out of Curtis Mayfield’s shoes (The Irish Times)

100 Round Goon: The Thrilling Rise of Q Da Fool (Passion of the Weiss)

Dublin’s Hip-Hop Scene: Can We Kick It? (Totally Dublin)

Looking for a job in Ireland? Don’t sound foreign (The Irish Times)

The new, hard-nosed Taylor Swift is a hard sell (The Irish Times)

Renaissance Man: The Story of Hermeto Pascoal’s Great Lost Album, “Viajando Com O Som” (Bandcamp Daily)

Best Two: NxWorries Re-Invent The Remix (Passion of the Weiss)

Slim chance: Why has Eminem’s music aged so badly? (The Irish Times)

Soul of a Woman: Sharon Jones’s final, funky masterwork, a year after her death (The Irish Times)

Talib Kweli: Radio Silence (Pitchfork)

On Danny Watts’ Deep-Thinking Debut “Black Boy Meets World” (Lactose and Lecithin) 

Tom Rogerson with Brian Eno: Finding Shore – music for lovestruck androids (The Irish Times)

G Perico: 2 Tha Left – LA rapper makes it look Eazy-E (The Irish Times)

‘Bout It, ‘Bout It: Cam’ron gets with ‘The Program’ (Passion of the Weiss)

The Best Albums of 2017: #80 – 61 [partial: #72. Pierre Kwenders – MAKANDA at the End of Space, the Beginning of Time, #68. Cosmic Analog Ensemble – Les Sourdes Oreilles] (Bandcamp Daily)

Statik Selektah: 8 (Pitchfork)

G-Eazy: The Beautiful & Damned – a grandiose hip-hop chronicle (The Irish Times)

Eminem: Revival review - gruelling, relentless and sterile (The Irish Times)

Best Albums of 2017 (50-26) [partial: #30 Serengeti – Jueles – Butterflies] (Passion of the Weiss)

The Best Rap Songs of 2017 [partial: #20 C Struggs – “Go To Jesus”, #14. Nef The Pharaoh – “Bling Blaow (Passion of the Weiss)

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Pick Me Up

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Jai Courtney/OFC (Roo) Warnings: Language/ Slight Sexual References Rating: PG13 Length: Short Story Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

A/N: Well, mystery is solved...or is it? Either way, you may wanna give this one a good read ;) ;) 

Read:  Overextended & Fall to Pieces

"Honey, do we have to go tomorrow?" Jai groaned, his head resting in the crook of her neck.

"Unfortunately, yes we do." She lazily ran her fingers through his curls.

Their last day in Paris, before heading back to sunny California and reality, was going to be yet another lazy day in their room. Today, they would do good to leave the bed long enough to eat, if they bothered to do so.

Jai had woke several hours ago, laying in bed waiting for a sign that his wife – he smiled every time he thought about that – had done the same. The second her eyes had popped open, he had been there snuggled up and delivering light little kisses. She was happy to lie in bed, alternating between chatting and the comfortable silence that took its turn surrounding them.

No stress, no worries, and no fears. Simply the two of them, wrapped in one another, enjoying the gorgeous morning in one of the most beautiful cities. She couldn't wait to come back and Jai had promised they would, eventually, and the next time they would actually do more in way of being tourists.

"We could stay, the joey can live with my sister, and we can use the house when we need it." Jai mumbled, his lips brushing against her collar bone. "Buy a vineyard, or maybe open a cafe." He teased.

"We'd drink all the wine, kill the grapes, and probably burn down the cafe." She laughed at the suggestions.

Everything about that morning had been peaceful, silly, and a little sexy. Wine was probably how they had gotten to this point, as well. Oh the wine! She had drank way too much of it and Jai hadn't helped her. If it wasn't the wine then it was the champagne, the sweet and bubbly alcohol had a way of making you drink too much, without even realizing it.

Lazy, mellow and pleasing would be the only way she could ever describe the moment. Soft and slow was overrated when it came to sex, had it been anything but then the whole thing would have thrown off the vibrations of the morning.

Being husband and wife hadn't stilled the hesitancy when Jai announced they were officially out of condoms – thank god for new, apparently better, birth control. She needed him and in no way was she willing to wait, even if one of them made the mad dash for a corner store, it would take too long.

A smirk tugging at the corner of her lips, the mere idea that they'd had that much sex was amusing. Who could blame her? It took one glance at her husband to know she would prefer him to stay in bed, never leaving, to fuck all day.

She loved the feel of his body on hers, the weight bearing down but never crushing, it was comforting. Her fingers played with the tufts of hair on his chest and stomach, delighted that it had finally came back. Under the hair and under her touch, Jai's stomach contracted, his muscled growing taught and tiny goosebumps rising on his skin. Gentle and ghostly her finger tips continued to explore his stomach, back, and shoulders.

Brushing his thumb across her cheek, he watched under hooded eyes as her face went from serene to pure bliss. Another tightening in his stomach caused his body to shudder, this time it was less to do with her hands, the way she was pulling him in; in every sense of the phrase, was mind blowing.

Kissing her roughly, Jai moaned and his body went completely stiff, she could feel him throbbing between her legs. Her hips tilting and her knees resting against his sides, she gasped into the kiss, whimpering and shaking. Fuck! Her mind blank except for the cliche stars and dots.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this, earlier." She muttered, digging the spoon into the carton if ice cream. "What a fucking idiot." She scolded herself through a sniffle.

The front door opened and closed, Jai's footsteps were heavy on the floor as he entered the house. Her husband was home and she couldn't find the strength to care, what did it matter anyway? Everything was a mess, including her. This evening was supposed to be perfect, everything was carefully planned, and her excitement had been through the roof.

What did that matter, now? The kitchen was a disaster, she was doubtful that he would even notice Dorito's new attire. Nor would he see that the fall centerpiece in the dinning room had been replaced; pink and blue gerbera daisies, picked to match the overall theme. If she were lucky, Jai may notice the giant baby themed balloons in the corner of the kitchen. Nobody could miss the metallic pink and blue baby shower balloons.

That slow, sexy, lazy morning in Paris was to blame for this!

"I'm home," Jai called out ahead of him, stashing his black leather travel bag on the floor by the stairs. Dorito eagerly bounced down the hall, coming from the kitchen, wagging his tail and dancing around Jai's feet.

7:30, Denzi wouldn't be far behind.

Jai had landed an hour early from Chicago, grabbing a cab home – despite the small fortune it has cost, in order to surprise his family. Coming home was always his favourite part of any trip, getting to be back in his own bed in familiar surroundings was a luxury. Getting to come home to his wife and son, knowing how much he had missed them, made it even sweeter. Jai frowned when the seconds ticked by without the sound of Denzi's excited running as he made a bee line for his dad.

"Roo? Denzi?" He called loudly, scratching Dorito under the new blue bandanna he wore around his neck. "Guys?"

Listening for any signs of his son and wife, Jai furrowed his brow. There were no noises coming from upstairs, seeing as it was growing dark outside they probably weren't outside playing. He would have smelled smoke, if they were having a bon fire. Her aging silver SUV was parked neatly in the garage, when he'd peeked in on his way by.

"Kitchen." She closed her eyes and squeaked.

Grabbing the favoured bottle of whiskey from his travel bag, Jai strode off to the kitchen, Dorito not far behind. He couldn't wait to hug his son and kiss his wife. Wife! He still smiled like an idiot, every time he thought about that. Despite the warnings that had come, from a hypothetical question with his manager, Jai was happy with the way things were right now.

He'd received word that the paperwork for her adoption of Denzi was almost final, in another week or so, his son would have a mum and dad. He was home for another month, at least. How much better could this week get?

"Hey, I wasn't sure you were here, but...." Jai stopped mid sentence. Glancing around the kitchen, he inhaled deeply, suppressing an outburst. This was a fucking mess! What had she done, while he was away?

Chaotic disaster was the only way to describe the scene before him. The kitchen counter was covered in sticky frosting, a smashed cake sat beside the sink, streamers falling from the corner of the fridge lead Jai's gaze to the balloons bobbing around by the patio door. In the middle of the chaos his wife sat on the floor, slouched against the dishwasher, her dress covered in the same frosting from the counter top. In her hand, a carton of...cotton candy ice cream?

She hated, absolutely despised, cotton candy ice cream.

"R-Roo?" Jai cautiously approached, sliding down into a squat in front of her.

"What?" She sniffled, wiping her sticky frosting covered hand across her nose.

"Babe, what's going on?" Jai rested on his feet. His hands steadying his balance by holding her knees.

"Forget it, it's not important." She choked a sob.

Lies!

"Well, then, let's clean this up and you can tell me about it. I brought home some of that organic whiskey you like."

Whatever had happened, they would get it cleaned, then Jai would settle her on the couch with a nice whiskey and ginger, the way she liked it when she was stressed. He'd fix a quick dinner and they could enjoy the rest of their evening, until Denzi came back, from wherever he was.

A body shaking, ear piercing sob erupted from his wife, Jai flinched out of reaction. Nearly stumbling backwards and onto his ass. "Whiskey?" She snapped loudly, tears beginning to brim her eyes. "Whis...Oh, Jai. I want a drink, I need a drink, but I can't."

Regaining his wits, Jai gently placed his hand on her knee, setting the whiskey beside him on the tile flooring, "Roo, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." She waved her hand in front of her face. "I'm just, this was supposed to be perfect, but the cake...it fell on the floor, and you were supposed to walk in and just know...obviously you...did you even look at the dog or the balloons?"

The only way to describe the expression on her husband's face was a pure what the fuck?! emotion. His blue eyes were squinted and his brows furrowed, his lips pursed, and nose scrunched. She had lost her mind.

"I saw Dorito." Jai glanced at the dog who brushed by, hearing his name. "Kind of hard not to see the balloons."

"You saw them, but did you actually look? No, because had you, then you would have known." She sniffled again, swallowing roughly trying to avoid a hiccup. "I'm pregnant, Jai. Hence the blue and the pink, the baby designs on the fucking balloons. I'm pregnant and this is not how I wanted you to know."

"Pregnant?" He spoke, allowing the words to sink in. "Preg...nant? Fuck."

Paralyzed by her words, the word tumbled out again, repeating the word for a fourth time with a throaty laugh, Jai could practically feel the kitchen spinning. How bad would it look right now, if he opened the bottle of perfectly aged whiskey and began to chug?

Obviously, she'd had some time – though he didn't know the exact time frame – to allow this to sink in. Here he was, crouched on the kitchen floor, his socks covered in ice cream or was that frosting? It didn't matter, grasping his wife's knee trying to make sense of what she'd told him.

"Pregnant." the fifth time was more of a confused whisper.

Jai's stomach sank before jolting up and into his throat, they were barely married and here they were with a baby on the way. The tears staining her cheeks weren't helping him, inside Jai felt like the world's shittiest husband. He should have known or have had some sort of inkling. Wasn't a man supposed to notice these things?

She must have been terrified, taking the test alone, seeing those two little lines and nobody there to comfort her. Gasping in a large breath of air, Jai slowly exhaled trying to stop the urge of vomiting. He couldn't even begin to imagine the freak out that she had endured seeing that result.

"You're mad." She whimpered, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

"No, I'm...shocked. I'm not mad, babe." Jai gently replied blinking back the tears that were trying to fall. The two of them crying would be useless. One of them had to keep their wits.

"You look mad," She replied with an accusing tone.

It had been no secret that Jai felt they weren't ready. He'd made that clear when he'd refused to speak to her over a broken condom, months ago. They were in a better place now, she was sure of it, after all she was his wife and on the way to her becoming the mother of his son, possibly sons. Who knew? Maybe his daughter?

"I'm not mad." He reiterated, "Are...are you mad?" She sniffled and shook her head No. "Why all the tears? Oh, babe." Jai rubbed his thumb against her cheek, brushing the tears away.

"Because I'm so," she hiccuped, "hap-py."

"Me too, firecracker." Jai laughed, flopping down next to her. "Wow, we're actually having a baby? A baby!"

Being a dad was one of the best things in his life, Jai wouldn't trade Denzi for anything, nor could he imagine life being as great without the little guy. A second baby would only make that even better, Jai was sure of it. Sudden and not at all planned, but then again the best things never were.

Sitting on the kitchen floor, of their home, allowing the news of a new baby, their baby, to sink in was almost surreal. A weird dream like moment, one which would be gut wrenching if one of them woke up to find they were comfortable, in bed upstairs.

"Oh god, Jai! We're having a baby." She was wide eyed and muttering.

"Yes, yes we are."

"A baby!" She wailed with a sudden sniffle. "We haven't even told Denzi that we're married. I still have to tell my mom!"

"Roo, it'll be okay. We'll figure it all out." Jai rubbed her back. Hoping he sounded somewhat convincing. This was not what he had wanted or expected to come home to.

This threw a whole new complication into his plan, after the less than pleasant conversation with his manager, on the hypothetical decision of Jai getting married. Great, not only did he have to tell a doubt filled manager that he was married, but he was also having a second child.

Telling his parents and Cora would be a walk in the park, they would be bitter at first, then sink into the idea loving the fact there would be a new baby. Everybody loved babies!

"We have to call them. We have to call our parents, Booms." She sobbed loudly squirming around on her bottom, trying to find the motivation to get off of the kitchen floor. "We can't just have a baby and never tell them."

"We don't have to do that right now." Jai gently grasped her elbow and pulled her back to him. "There will be time, Roo. Right now, we need to just enjoy it."

[thedarkrose17]

I'm gonna just slide both tagged ones here in one honestly

Tagged by: @kirishwima

soft q&a

Rules: answer the q&a and tag 5 of your most recent followers and 3 of your biggest fans, fave users/blogs (I mean I break these rules cause I don't tag so yep)

What’s the smell of ur shampoo?

(This one is a tad weird 😅) *shrug* I dunno I don't really pay attention to it/don't always use the same one. Like most of the time I've either got a cold or just am out of it or trying to remember I have to breathe. (You think you wouldn't forget that and yet)

What’s ur aesthetic?

I've never truly got what aesthetic is which makes me sound stupid but yeah I have no idea

What’s ur favorite hour of the day?

Any time I'm basically home alone honestly

What do u like most about the beach?

I don't actually like the beach XD I burn and just I'd rather be elsewhere

What do u worry about constantly?

A fuck ton of different things I'm not getting into cause like the list would be huge and some probably make me sound like a crazy person so 😅

What is a song u cried before?

Off the top of my head I don't remember cause like for a while I haven't really felt much when it came to music like usually if it's a sad song I just end up zoning out and imagining stuff. It's hard to cry at songs now days I guess. If I do it's probably cause I've made myself via in///trusive th///oughts

what r some relaxing tips to ur followers?

Welp this is the wrong blog for that honestly what is relaxation?

So I have none 😅

What r some things that make u tear up?

Sometimes when watching crime cases and it's stuff with kids but like only sometimes. I guess it's more when you see the parents all heartbroken the reality sets in.

(Honestly cases don't really effect me much sadness wise usually like some just piss me off)

Also fucking the ending of f///f///x///v and Pr///yna (those made me cry though. Just I love my boys and doggos man)

what is ur favorite form of each of the five senses?

Honestly my senses are fucked like daily so I have nothing like if the world isn't muted or dulled it feels like nothing is real

what is one alternate reality ud want to be in?

One where I'm in a game with characters I like. Sounds odd but I don't like reality, never have like I always used to imagine being friends with characters I like and since all this m///ental bullshit it's more been I wish I lived there instead

what r some troubles u face daily?

Welp...One is I have ag///oraphobia bad. I got over it once but it returned so here we are. It's a fear of open spaces which makes no sense honestly to me. Also de//personalisation and de///realization.

I mean there's a lot of shit honestly just don't want to drag it out

what is one scene of a book that made u rlly sad?

I don't recall if I've cried or not reading a book. If I have it's probably Of Mice and Men when I was in High School like George having to shoot his friend Lenny is an ouch

say sth to ur followers

I dunno what to say 😅

Next one:

Rules: bold what you prefer and tag 10 people you wish to know better

1. Coffee or tea (neither)

2. Early bird or Night Owl

3. Chocolate or Vanilla

4. Spring or Fall (seasons bum me out so neither)

5. Silver or Gold (I honestly don't know 😅)

6. Pop or Alternative (I have no preference)

7. Freckles or Dimples (I just think they're cute and want them. Dimples I have one and just it bugs me cause there's not another like I smile and there's just one and T-T)

8. Snakes or Sharks (I mean I don't like either XD I just hate snakes more honestly. I don't fear them just really don't like them)

9. Mountains or Fields (neither)

10. Thunderstorms or Lightning (neither cause I'm terrified of both)

11. Egyptian or Greek Mythology (I mean they're neat and all but I'm not really interested in either)

12. Ivory or Scarlet (*shrug*)

13. Flute or Lyre (I dunno what the other thing is so XD)

14. Eyes or Lips (I don't really like people so honestly I don't have a preference there)

15. Witches or Fairies (Just witches make me paranoid and scare me a tad. Sorry 😅)

16. Opal or Diamond (I mean I collect gems so I like them all but like I'll never see a Diamond so)

17. Butterflies or Honeybees

18. Macarons or Eclairs (neither)

19. Typewritten or Handwritten Letters (neither)

20. Secret Garden or Secret Library

21. Rooftop or Balcony (I'm scared of heights so honestly it's a no if its high up)

22. Spicy or Mild

23. Opera or Ballet (neither)

24. London or Paris (Nope to both. I dislike travel and like just nope to them)

25. Vincent Van Gogh or Claude Monet

26. Denim or Leather (I say despite liking both. Granted I only have like one leather jacket)

27. Potions or Spells (I mean in a fantasy settingI like spells and magic stuff. But in reality I don't believe in such stuff/it freaks me out)

28. Ocean or Desert

29. Mermaid or Siren (gimme singing murder fish)

30. Masquerade Ball or Cocktail Party (*is super introverted* this would be my hell so neither)

[breziarchive]

The Black Butterfly Crimes

Miraculous Ladybug crime scene AU

[NEXT - Ladybug and the Heart of Stone (chapter 1.1)]

i posted this as just an idea like an hour ago and here we are...

Detective Ladybug and Chat Noir, P.I. are on the case, well, they will be...

future chapters will be named as corny as a nancy drew novel i swa’am to ja’am

prologue

rating: PG-13/R content warnings: homicide victims, grisly situations, blood, gore, etc about/summary: a little fantastical but otherwise straightforward: a crime scene au involving Marinette as a famous homicide detective and Chat Noir as an annoying “i’m your sidekick now!” private investigator in the start of a string of murders committed by people who should have had no way of committing murder as well as little to no motive. each crime scene has one thing in common though: a singular butterfly, spray-painted black... disclaimer: i’m sorry about the fedora

~~~

At one time, Marinette had wanted to be a fashion designer.

She had always found solace in sewing and making new things, but (embarrassingly so) she pin-pointed the idea of fashion designer to a boy in her high school class. Adrien Agreste, top teen model and son of famous designer Gabriel Agreste. A sweet and gorgeous boy who always seemed a little too quiet for his status—humble and genuine. Drawn in by him she began to design clothes with great fervor, hoping, wishing one day she would see him wear them down the catwalk. Wear them all the way to where she was waiting, then bend down and kiss her on the cheek.

Or lips, she wouldn't complain about a kiss on the lips.

It felt so strange how all of that was in the past. She still found that sewing and creating calmed her down after particularly harsh days and some deep jubilant part of her still screamed that fashion design was her true passion. Part of her agreed, but there was a higher calling she was answering first. First. Such a strange word to use, because most days there seemed no end to her career. Other than the voice, Marinette did not much think about things outside of bringing justice to Paris' homicide victims.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng, daughter of two bakers, grew up atop said bakery, hobby seamstress: the homicide detective.

She could still see the split-second look of shock and concern on her parents' faces when she told them what she had decided to be, quickly replaced with gentle support as they pulled her in for a tight hug. Marinette wondered if they knew that'd be the last hug they'd ever receive from their daughter before she grew up.

Around the office she gained the title of Ladybug, first out of spite and disgust. Her talent at solving cases must have been due to sheer luck, not that she spent late nights pouring over tossed files or that she attacked problems with creativity and cleverness that should've been found in life-or-death situations, not gripping a cheap paper cup full of office coffee hunched over her undersized desk. The more time she spent there, the more time she ignored being passed over, the more cases she solved, the more her friend Alya egged her on to speak up and take credit for her work, the more the nickname Ladybug became sincere instead of spiteful. Ladybug is here, luck is on our side. Call up Detective Dupain-Cheng, we could use Ladybug to help us. Give this to Ladybug, she'll know what to do. So she climbed the ladder.

And here she was now.

The base of the Eiffel Tower had been roped off; hundreds if not thousands of tourists were ushered away while the whole strip was closed down. Police scattered over the place like ants, desperately searching for clues before the heavy rain pushed them all into the gutter. Marinette stared down at the body, thrown from the top of the Tower after several rocks ranging from the size of her head to the size of her torso were strapped to the poor girl. Rain had washed away much of the splatter, and she overheard that forensics would have to rely on civilian photographs of the scene in order to do blood spatter analysis. Marinette considered that more of a formality, looking at the crushed body, but anything to help the case.

Anything.

“Detective Dupain-Cheng?” an officer popped into her peripherals. In his hand was an open umbrella. Marinette took it without looking, although she thanked the officer. Her voice was sweet, her expression was concentrated. The patter of rain above her head became all she could hear.

How barbaric. It looked like the perpetrator had shoved her from the top after already tying rocks to her. How the rocks had gotten to the top of the Tower, how strong the perpetrator must have been in order to even push the girl—maybe he rolled her off the edge? But that couldn't be possible. Marinette tipped the umbrella upwards to turn her gaze to the top of the Tower. The lights were on in the dusk, aiding officers investigating the top. Occasional flashes from cameras blinded her for short moments as forensics photographed the scene as it laid. Marinette narrowed her eyes to compensate.

“Detective Dupain-Cheng?” the same officer called behind her. Marinette blinked, getting the impression that he had been trying to get her attention for some time. She shook her head.

“I already had coffee—,”

“Ah, no,” the officer corrected, coughing slightly, “There's uh, someone here to see you, but he won't give his name, says to call him uh...,”

At the officer's hesitation Marinette turned and gave him a quizzical look. The officer was frowning, looking to her as if she could help him in any way shape or form. Finally he sighed.

“He calls himself Chat Noir?”

Marinette scrunched her face up. Chat Noir? What kind of theatrical joke was that? Her eyes flicked to the body. Almost as uselessly theatrical as this murder. Was it a prank, or a link to the killer? Before Marinette could open her mouth to parse out what to do, a tall dark man shoved a line of officers aside and sauntered forward. He wore all black—a black fedora, straight from the 1920's, with a band that was shaped to cast a dramatic shadow over his face. One side was turned upwards, and a small triangular piece of felt was tucked between the brim and the dome. A cat ear, she presumed it was supposed to resemble. The rest of his get-up was just as ridiculously over-the-top. A long, leather trench coat, perfectly tailored, smooth black waistcoat, black suit, leather shoes and gloves, and a neatly tucked black silken scarf at the base of his neck? In a fashion show or in a movie this man would be top billed, in real life Marinette could only look down on him, even though he was substantially taller. All of his costume definitely cost him a pretty penny. She had to stop from sneering as he raised a hand to tip the hat at her.

“Chat Noir, at your service.”

Marinette opened her mouth to tell what was clearly a civillian to leave, but as he raised the brim of his hat she suddenly realized why his face seemed darker than usual even in the dusk, rainy light.

He was wearing a mask.

A mask!

Her mouth hung open without making a sound, dumbfounded.

“Private detective, privately hired—don't worry, m'lady, I won't impede on your investigation, I am here to help.”

“H...H...,” Marinette stuttered before immediately going on the defensive, “Help? I've never heard of you in the private circuit. Who hired you?”

“Oh,” Chat Noir's smile trimmed down to dainty pursed lips, “I cannot tell you that, all I know is that he's of high status and has personal interest into this case,”

“High status,” Marinette echoed, “I suppose you used his down payment to purchase that ridiculous getup?”

“You don't find it fashionable?” Chat Noir expertly twisted a heel upwards, showing off the heavy weight of his trench coat as raindrops danced off of the leather, “I happen to think it's purrfect.”

For the love of...

Marinette felt her face grow hot, and she knew at once that her skin was betraying her once again. Always going red at the drop of a hat, no matter the situation. Embarassed? Red. Angry? Red. Surprised? Red. Scared? Red. Incredulous to the point of barely being able to believe what was standing right in front of her was real? RED.

“Well, alright then, Mr. Chat Noir—you may have a look at the case, after the police are done cleaning up this area. Go to your office and I'll contact you there, shoo!”

“But m'lady!” Chat Noir gasped, “You don't even have my contact information!”

Marinette shot a look to the poor officer bearing witness to this catastrophe—cat-astrophe, and pushed out her lower lip, “Give it to this officer—Officer Pendrell, is it? And I'll be sure you'll be contacted.”

Chat Noir shook his head despite the fact that Marinette had turned on her heel and had already bent down to investigate the remains, pulling out gloves so she could gingerly touch what was left now that forensics had finished up photographing the initial scene.

“I don't think you want to brush me off so quickly, Detective,” Chat Noir appraised, spreading his arms wide, “You haven't yet seen how I could be of use to you.”

Marinette let the rain drown him out as she began turned over rocks, going over an invisible list. Rocks will have to be turned in for mineral analysis; where they came from and if they have any significance. Moving the body was going to be harrowing, she'd have to make sure they got every last piece into the bag which was going to be hard with the fading sun and the pounding rain. Et cetera, et cetera—wait...

“I'll have you know, I've been investigating for a grand portion of my life,” Chat Noir continued, “And I have a vast network of knowledge. For example,”

Marinette turned the palm-sized piece from the larger boulder around in her gloved hand. Crushed onto the rock was once a delicate insect, a butterfly, mangled beyond any recognition. No colors from its smashed wings shone in the beam of her small flashlight—just thick, caked on black paint. Marinette frowned.

“Did you know that the killer's name is Ivan Bruel?”

Marinette turned to look over her shoulder at Chat Noir, dead butterfly falling apart in the rain.

[elderflower-tea]

Portrait of a Lady BY T. S. ELIOT

Thou hast committed — 

Fornication: but that was in another country, And besides, the wench is dead. (The Jew of Malta) I Among the smoke and fog of a December afternoon You have the scene arrange itself — as it will seem to do— With "I have saved this afternoon for you"; And four wax candles in the darkened room, Four rings of light upon the ceiling overhead, An atmosphere of Juliet's tomb Prepared for all the things to be said, or left unsaid. We have been, let us say, to hear the latest Pole Transmit the Preludes, through his hair and finger-tips. "So intimate, this Chopin, that I think his soul Should be resurrected only among friends Some two or three, who will not touch the bloom That is rubbed and questioned in the concert room." —And so the conversation slips Among velleities and carefully caught regrets Through attenuated tones of violins Mingled with remote cornets And begins. "You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends, And how, how rare and strange it is, to find In a life composed so much, so much of odds and ends, (For indeed I do not love it ... you knew? you are not blind! How keen you are!) To find a friend who has these qualities, Who has, and gives Those qualities upon which friendship lives. How much it means that I say this to you — Without these friendships — life, what cauchemar!" Among the winding of the violins And the ariettes Of cracked cornets Inside my brain a dull tom-tom begins Absurdly hammering a prelude of its own, Capricious monotone That is at least one definite "false note." — Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance, Admire the monuments, Discuss the late events, Correct our watches by the public clocks. Then sit for half an hour and drink our bocks. II Now that lilacs are in bloom She has a bowl of lilacs in her room And twists one in her fingers while she talks. "Ah, my friend, you do not know, you do not know What life is, you who hold it in your hands"; (Slowly twisting the lilac stalks) "You let it flow from you, you let it flow, And youth is cruel, and has no remorse And smiles at situations which it cannot see." I smile, of course, And go on drinking tea. "Yet with these April sunsets, that somehow recall My buried life, and Paris in the Spring, I feel immeasurably at peace, and find the world To be wonderful and youthful, after all." The voice returns like the insistent out-of-tune Of a broken violin on an August afternoon: "I am always sure that you understand My feelings, always sure that you feel, Sure that across the gulf you reach your hand. You are invulnerable, you have no Achilles' heel. You will go on, and when you have prevailed You can say: at this point many a one has failed. But what have I, but what have I, my friend, To give you, what can you receive from me? Only the friendship and the sympathy Of one about to reach her journey's end. I shall sit here, serving tea to friends ...." I take my hat: how can I make a cowardly amends For what she has said to me? You will see me any morning in the park Reading the comics and the sporting page. Particularly I remark. An English countess goes upon the stage. A Greek was murdered at a Polish dance, Another bank defaulter has confessed. I keep my countenance, I remain self-possessed Except when a street-piano, mechanical and tired Reiterates some worn-out common song With the smell of hyacinths across the garden Recalling things that other people have desired. Are these ideas right or wrong? III The October night comes down; returning as before Except for a slight sensation of being ill at ease I mount the stairs and turn the handle of the door And feel as if I had mounted on my hands and knees. "And so you are going abroad; and when do you return? But that's a useless question. You hardly know when you are coming back, You will find so much to learn." My smile falls heavily among the bric-à-brac. "Perhaps you can write to me." My self-possession flares up for a second; This is as I had reckoned. "I have been wondering frequently of late (But our beginnings never know our ends!) Why we have not developed into friends." I feel like one who smiles, and turning shall remark Suddenly, his expression in a glass. My self-possession gutters; we are really in the dark. "For everybody said so, all our friends, They all were sure our feelings would relate So closely! I myself can hardly understand. We must leave it now to fate. You will write, at any rate. Perhaps it is not too late. I shall sit here, serving tea to friends." And I must borrow every changing shape To find expression ... dance, dance Like a dancing bear, Cry like a parrot, chatter like an ape. Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance— Well! and what if she should die some afternoon, Afternoon grey and smoky, evening yellow and rose; Should die and leave me sitting pen in hand With the smoke coming down above the housetops; Doubtful, for quite a while Not knowing what to feel or if I understand Or whether wise or foolish, tardy or too soon ... Would she not have the advantage, after all? This music is successful with a "dying fall" Now that we talk of dying— And should I have the right to smile? 

[mulderscully]

i personally picked nuance because it is highly sexual at points, they make a point of alex and henry having sex for the first time/it being alex’s first time/as you said: alex clearly entering henry, the tac room scene which was originally not a montage. but at the same time, if you took out the Paris scene i don’t think i could say it was R. i wouldn’t say it’s a heavily sexual film at all or that it leans into it a lot, it’s just there alongside the cheesiness of it all. for an R rated movie you’d expect a lot more nudity and cursing etc

i think the paris scene is what tips it into r, for sure. and it kinda sucks bc that scene was cut down A LOT. people who saw the fan screening said it was originally a lot longer and more intimatez like i understand why it's r but it being r also feels wrong for such an overall light film. it's a tricky one!

[mastcomm]

‘Do Not Make Any Loud Noises’: A Thai Soldier’s 18-Hour Shooting Rampage

KORAT, Thailand — The authorities killed the gunman near the cold storage refrigerators of the Foodland supermarket in the mall he terrorized during Thailand’s deadliest mass shooting.

It was just before 9 local time on Sunday morning — 18 hours after he fired the first shots in a relentless spree that left at least 29 people dead and 58 injured in the city of Korat, north of Bangkok.

Thailand’s prime minister said the rampage started with a real estate dispute. The gunman was bitter and lugging weapons stolen from a military base. It ended with hundreds of shoppers fleeing for their lives, their shoes slapping on the mall’s white tile floors as gunshots cracked, leading to a failed police raid, a follow-up — and finally, the lifeless body of the 32-year-old gunman, dressed in military gear and surrounded by red plastic grocery bins.

“My two children are at home with their grandma now,” said Viparat Wansaboiy, who was watching a movie at the mall with her husband when the shooting broke out. “Luckily they didn’t come today.”

The mix of bloodshed and the banal has become all too common in the United States, even as it bursts into lands less accustomed to violence like New Zealand and Norway. In a sign of what some psychologists call a contagion, the gunman mimicked other perpetrators of mass shootings by posting messages and video to Facebook, which shut down his account within minutes.

But in a nation where mass killings are still rare despite high levels of gun ownership, the sudden appearance of such grisly horror in a seven-story complex of consumerism has already prompted deeper questions about what happened, the government’s response and the underlying forces that led a young man to kill so many who were so innocent.

“This will be seen as not just an individual case, but as a sign of underlying tensions,” said Phil Robertson, deputy director of Human Rights Watch’s Asia division. “It’s about the fact that people are really getting desperate — the economic situation is really not going well. A lot of people are very unhappy.”

Thai officials initially said the man, Sgt. Jakkrapanth Thomma, simply “went mad.” Later, on Sunday morning, Prime Minister Prayuth Chan-ocha suggested that the gunman was enraged over a “land problem,” citing a dispute about selling a house. It was a conflict, he said, that had been simmering for days and could have been resolved without violence.

Korat, a bustling city of 166,000 between the central plains and Thailand’s underdeveloped northeast, is supposed to be where people come together. Sitting on the so-called Friendship Highway originally built by the United States in the 1950s, the unassuming city is a strategic hub for both the Thai military, which has several bases in the area, and regional agriculture, with processing plants for rice, sugar cane, sesame and fruit.

Sergeant Jakkrapanth believed he was owed money. On Saturday, he arrived for a meeting about a payment from a deal with Anong Mitrchan, who was well known for selling real estate to military officers in Korat.

It is unclear whether she was the target of his ire, or whether she did anything wrong. But she was at the center of a long-running dispute, the authorities said, and she was not alone. Her son-in-law, a superior officer from the sergeant’s command — Col. Anantharot Krasae — was there at her house, along with her business partner, according to Mrs. Anong’s husband.

The soldier shot all three of them. Only the partner survived, with serious wounds.

After the initial surge of violence, a photo of bullets appeared on the soldier’s Facebook page. “Nobody can escape death,” he wrote. “Rich from cheating and taking advantage of people … Do they think they can take money to spend in hell?”

Sergeant Jakkrapanth fled, speeding toward a military base where the authorities said he shot and killed a third person before stealing a military Humvee and an arsenal of weapons. Firing out the window, he reached the parking lot of the Terminal 21 shopping center some time after 3 p.m., around the time the police received their first call about the shooting at Mrs. Anong’s house.

The mall — a tower of exuberance, with floors dedicated to different parts of the world, from the Caribbean to London, Paris and Hollywood — pulsed with the rhythm of a busy Saturday. Movie theaters were filled. Families, couples, teenagers were all oblivious, crammed into cellphone stores, Toys “R” Us and the food court.

Then, they heard gunshots. Video taken outside showed people diving for cover as bullets carried across the area. Several people were killed outside the mall, some while walking, others in cars.

It wasn’t clear to everyone what was going on. Kul Kaemthong, 53, a cleaner, said she was on a break around 5 p.m. when she first heard people had been shot. Looking out the windows of the fourth floor food court, she saw a body next to motorcycle, another by a car.

She started running. Then she heard more gunfire.

The sound — one, two, three, then a dozen in rapid succession, also heard in at least one video from the scene — suggested heavy firepower and more than one gun.

Mike Picard, the research director for GunPolicy.org, which tracks firearm use around the world, said the images and sounds captured by people at the scene pointed to at least six weapons: one or two handguns, including the shooter’s personal firearm, three HK33 assault rifles and two larger M60 machine guns.

The gunman, he said, also appears to have been carrying about 1,000 rounds of ammunition. Local news media reported Sergeant Jakkrapanth was a specialist in long-range sniper fire.

Ms. Viparat, 39, and her husband, Somwang Kwangchaithale, 39, were sitting in a movie theater on the fifth floor of the mall when the lights came on and an emergency announcement came over the loudspeaker t around 5:30 p.m. Initially, they stayed in the theater. Then the mall’s staff moved them to an office with a locked door. They huddled together there, 100 of them all together, until around 10 p.m., when the message from the authorities landed: They were about to be evacuated.

“They told us they’re going to turn the lights off, said Mr. Somwang. “‘Stay low and do not make any loud noises.’”

When they reached the basement, the gunman heard them. He started shooting.

“All of the people who gathered at the parking lot started screaming and running for their lives,” said Ms. Viparat. “Rescuers helped us out. Police, rescuers, military, different officers.”

By that time, the authorities had launched into full operation mode. Shortly after 8 p.m., the police declared the gunman a most-wanted person and urged the public to call in tips, presenting a photo that showed him looking bored, with indifferent eyes.

They also started moving large numbers of people out. They urged evacuees to “raise their hands” and identify themselves. They were wary that the gunman was hiding in the crowd.

Outside, dozens of orange-clad emergency workers set up triage areas, helping victims and the rescued. Relatives and friends of those believed to be trapped in the mall anxiously awaited word of their fate. The stalemate lingered for hours. The entire city seemed to be awake.

At 3 a.m., the authorities staged what appeared to be an attempt to capture or kill the gunman. A barrage of gunfire pounded and ricocheted, but the authorities had to retreat. An officer had been hit. He later died. One official said he was the last one killed — shy of the gunman.

The final raid occurred as officials seemed to be in lockdown, tense, refusing to answer questions from reporters. Details eventually came out through a video posted to Twitter, with officials confirming what people inside had witnessed. The gunman was dead, his body lying outside a cooler with an open door, near two other bodies — one of them a police officer; another a woman who seemed to be a supermarket employee.

Prime Minister Prayuth sounded defensive when asked about the operation and why it had taken so long for the siege to end.

“Don’t you guys understand when there are civilians in the mall,” he said. Without evidence, he suggested that the gunman had been troubled for a long time.

“We have to look at mental health,” he added. “I was an army chief before. And we have to acknowledge if they have problems.”

But for those who experienced the attack, his mental health mattered far less than the lives of his victims. In the elevator at the Maharaj hospital, a young woman sobbed as she spoke on the phone about a relative on life support.

On Sunday evening, hundreds gathered near the mall for a vigil, lining up to write tributes to the dead and to express support for peace and the living — a ritual as familiar, sadly, as the mass shootings.

“The society nowadays has turned into this?” said Thusanee Witchartorntakul, 53, a university lecturer, who came to the vigil on Sunday night, shedding tears after a night without sleep. “It’s devastating. My heart can’t handle it.”

Muktita Suhartono reported from Korat, Thailand, and Damien Cave from Sydney, Australia. Ryn Jirenuwat contributed reporting from Bangkok, and Richard C. Paddock from Denpasar, Indonesia.

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[kansascityhappenings]

News of the Weird: When ‘hanger’ becomes violent and something you should never do on a plane

Flash Bob Flash Mob

Zen TV painter Bob Ross has been gone for 24 years, but his inspiration lives on — at least at Madison Middle School in Abilene, Texas, where on Feb. 7, students in Brady Sloane’s art class donned curly brown wigs, blue shirts and paint palettes for a “Flash Bob Flash Mob.” Sloane’s pre-Advanced Placement students were stressed about grades and projects, and she “wanted to find a way to reward them,” she told the Abilene Reporter News. The students used music stands as makeshift easels, where they painted “happy little trees” and projected an episode of “The Joy of Painting” as parents memorialized the special day with photos and videos. [Abilene Reporter News, 2/7/2019]

Hangry

Asalene Branch, 29, was only defending her spot in a McDonald’s drive-thru lane on Feb. 18 when she stabbed another woman in the head. Fox News reported that Branch and the other woman were waiting at a Memphis restaurant when a physical fight broke out over their places in the line; Branch took out a knife and assaulted the alleged victim, resulting in injuries that were not life-threatening. Branch was tracked down by police and charged with aggravated assault. [Fox News, 2/19/2019]

The Foreign Press

Valentine’s Day is complicated in Japan. On Feb. 14, women traditionally give men chocolates: “giri choco,” or “obligation chocolates,” to their male colleagues, and “honmei choco,” or “true feelings chocolate,” to their boyfriends or husbands. (Men return the favor on White Day, March 14.) But according to Japan Today, Japanese women are rebelling against giri choco; 40 percent of workers see the custom “as a form of power harassment,” and some companies have banned the practice. Women find giving chocolates to associates stressful: “Before the office ban, we had to worry about things like how much is appropriate to spend on each chocolate and where we draw the line in who we give the chocolates to,” said one worker. [Japan Today, 2/5/2019]

People Different From Us

Looking for a new home? A newly listed suburban Philadelphia home offers something a little sideways from your typical basement rumpus room. The five-bedroom, 2 1/2-bath brick colonial in Maple Glen has three fireplaces, a gourmet kitchen — and a sex basement. The finished lower level includes a bed-in-a-cage, complete with straps, whips and other accouterment for any buyer’s “50 Shades of Grey” fantasies. Realtor Melissa Leonard stresses, however, that the basement “can be converted back to a typical suburban basement.” Neighbors are shocked to find out what’s been going on in their ‘hood, but “I know it’s a way of life for people,” Leonard told Slate magazine. [Slate, 2/8/2019]

Government in Action

You think things are wild in the U.S. Congress? In Albania, Edi Paloka, an opposition lawmaker, was asked to leave the parliament hall on Feb. 14 and suspended for 10 days after throwing ink at Socialist Prime Minister Edi Rama. It all started when Rama scolded a fellow lawmaker for making accusations of corruption against the leftist government, according to Xinhua. A statement from the center-right Democratic party explained, “The action of ink-throwing is a rejection of the bullying exerted by the PM, which is witnessed by the public opinion.” Apparently, Rama had repeatedly mocked Paloka during previous sessions of parliament. [Xinhua, 2/14/2019]

The Weirdo-American Community

A dispute over a box of Cheez-Its provoked a DeKalb County, Georgia, man to do the unthinkable on Feb. 12. As Jeremy Lamar Wyatt, 32, his brother and 61-year-old mother argued over the salty snacks, Wyatt went outside, locked his family inside the home, poured gasoline on the front steps and started a fire, according to WGCL-TV. Wyatt’s brother was able to lower the mother down from a second-story window, and both escaped without injury. Wyatt, who had reportedly been enjoying some adult beverages with his Cheez-Its, was taken into custody at the scene and charged with arson and criminal damage to property. [WGCL, 2/13/2019]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

At Towson University in Maryland, an unidentified woman was reported wandering around campus just before Valentine’s Day, showing coeds a photo of her son and asking if they’d like to go on a date with him. Awkward! The woman, thought to be in her 50s, staked out the Cook Library and the Center for the Arts in hopes of securing a love connection for her son, reported the Baltimore Sun. Towson police are hoping to identify her, not so they can arrest her, but to ask her to stop. [Baltimore Sun, 2/10/2019]

Least Competent Criminals

— The moral of the story? If you’re going to rob a bank in February, target Florida or Texas. Jason Mackenrodt, 37, was making his getaway after robbing the Bangor Savings Bank in Waterville, Maine, on Feb. 12. He scrambled across four lanes of traffic and into a restaurant parking lot — where he slipped on the ice and sprawled on the ground, right in front of Maine State Police Special Agent Glenn Lang, who was sitting in his parked car. Lang didn’t know the bank had been robbed, but he became suspicious when “the money and the gun he had stashed in his jacket pocket spilled onto the parking lot,” Police Chief Joseph Massey told the Morning Sentinel. (The weapon turned out to be a BB gun.) Lang tackled Mackenrodt and took him into custody as police were responding at the bank. Mackenrodt was charged with robbery and terrorizing. [Morning Sentinel, 2/12/2019]

— On Jan. 31, Julian R. Mitchell, 20, tried to use a debit card from a wallet he had stolen at a Nashville, Tennessee, bar, according to WZTV. But a fraud alert tipped off bar employees that the card had been lost or stolen, so they asked for photo ID. Mitchell fished out the Tennessee driver’s license from the wallet, which, according to the Davidson County arrest affidavit, made it “plainly obvious” that the photo was not of him because of the difference in height. Mitchell, who strangely resembles a Ken doll, with blond hair, a red beard and black eyebrows, was charged with identity theft; officers found several other cards belonging to the same victim in the wallet. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 2/2/2019]

The Continuing Crisis

Passengers on an 12-hour Air France flight on Feb. 18 became alarmed when a man seated in the bulkhead row boarded the plane, then removed his pants and socks, settling into his seat in just his boxers and a T-shirt. Sitting across the aisle from him, passenger Lizzie Thompson took photos and posted on Twitter throughout the flight, reported The Sun. “Alerted the flight attendant. He offered to move me … but just shrugged when I suggested he ask the man to put his pants back on,” she wrote. Thompson also wrote that six hours into the flight from Paris to Los Angeles, the scantily clad passenger got cold, “so PUT ON HIS PUFFY JACKET.” The man put his pants and socks back on after landing, much to Thompson’s relief. “Nothing bonds a group of passengers like a man half naked in your section,” Thompson wrote. [The Sun, 2/19/2019]

The Meth Made Me Do It

In Seattle, Douglas Braden Smyser, 21, boarded a plane on Feb. 13 on his way to Los Angeles and a drug rehab center in Malibu, but his behavior during the flight finally caused the pilot to land in Portland and have him removed from the plane. Smyser, from Bonney Lake, Washington, would not stay in his seat, tried to sit in first class and threw his backpack in the aisle. Passengers helped contain him until the plane could land safely. Smyser admitted later that he had eaten meth before boarding, which made him “suspicious and paranoid,” reported KIRO TV. He also claimed to have a gun. He was charged with second-degree disorderly conduct and menacing, along with a federal charge of interference with a flight crew. [KIRO, 2/19/2019]

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/02/22/news-of-the-weird-when-hanger-becomes-violent-and-something-you-should-never-do-on-a-plane/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/02/22/news-of-the-weird-when-hanger-becomes-violent-and-something-you-should-never-do-on-a-plane/

[itsiotrecords-blog]

http://ift.tt/2slWtzm

The craziest celebrities are the ones that stay at the tip of our minds even after we see their last breath of day. Now that times have changed and we notice a different side of the music business, the harsh reality is musicians must consistently be seen doing unthinkable acts by the paparazzi to be relevant in the game. Even introverts like The Weeknd need to show their faces every once in a while, or they will quickly be forgotten in favor of an artist that can party hard. The lifestyle of red carpet events, drugs, groupies and scandals can only last for so long. A few of the most infamous party animals such as Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers had to put it to rest. The other side of a musician’s lifestyle is most of the time represented by rappers, rock artists, and R&B singers dishing out lyrics about being in the VIP at a club or waking up the next morning not remembering what happened the night before. Most fans are expecting them to live up to the expectation and if not, they are considered boring. Who wants to pay $100 concert ticket to watch a dull artist? What we see on TV rarely matches the reality of these entertainers’ finances. Yes, we see the fancy mansions, decked out cars, a Rolex on the right arm or diamond grills in their teeth but it is only a small percentage of the truth. Let’s say it together everyone; music – business. Eighty percent is business, and twenty percent is what we enjoy as entertainment. It means the money can come quick like a train but might also disappear as fast as a one-hit wonder.

#1 Rihanna – Was $9 Million In Debt Rihanna is the epitome of pop star success. She is exotic, talented, funny, two-dimensional and has a net worth of $160 million. While the “Work, Work, Work” artist has wooed the hearts of fans worldwide, Rihanna has also run into cash flow problems in 2009. It does not come as a surprise because this was around the time she was in an abusive relationship with her then-boyfriend Chris Brown. Despite this fact, Miss Robyn Fenty pointed fingers at her accountant, alleging that he gave her terrible financial advice leading to her being $9 million in the hole. How can this happen, you ask? Let’s see. When Rihanna was dating, Chris Brown the both were in and out of night clubs as they fell in love, popped bottles and promoted themselves as artists. As a native Bajan (Barbadian), Rihanna is a jet setter that quite often visits her hometown. We also need to add that her best friend Melissa Forde has been a part of her entourage, traveling with Rihanna almost everywhere she goes. I doubt she is helping RiRi pay for first class flights and trips around the world while she is on tour. Nonetheless, most of her money went to purchasing a $7 million property that her accountant told her was okay to buy despite her over the top expenses. We’re rooting for you RiRi! We know you can keep pumping out hits to make up for your loss. A lesson to learn here is no matter how your romantic relationship can get, put the same effort into making sure that you don’t overspend.

#2 Ozzy Osbourne – Owed $1.7 Million In Taxes, Bought a Chicken Coop Ozzy Osbourne was at the height of his career in the 1980s when his album Blizzard of Oz went multi-platinum. He was energetic, fun, crazy; a natural born leader before and after he left his group The Black Sabbath. If you felt entertained while watching his MTV-reality show The Osbourne’s in the early 2000s, you could tell that the rock star persona was still in him despite having two children and a wife. Despite the family oriented/dysfunctional vibes on the show, there is one thing that Ozzy couldn’t resist while in his 20s, and that was quote on quote, partying like a rock star. He even has a single on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer soundtrack named “Party with the Animals.” What exactly does that mean? I’ll fill you in on the examples: His previous wife named Thelma Riley started to have enough of his partying. She went as far as buying a chicken coop, leaving him responsible for feeding his chickens at night. To show his wife he was unable to be tamed, he lit the coop on fire while shooting a gun. I can only imagine what she was going through. Thankfully enough, later on in life when Ozzy had financial troubles he and his current wife Sharon Osbourne pulled through and paid $1.7 million in back taxes. Now, that’s what I call a success story!

#3 Andrew W.K. – Blew All His Money Partying, But Smartened Up Andrew Fetterly Wilkes-Krier (aka Andrew W.K.) is a musician, music producer and songwriter who made popular hits such as “We Want Fun” and “Party Hard.” Not to say that Ozzy Osbourne had anything to do with his financial shortfall but Andrew was a headliner for Ozzy’s annual music festival called Ozzfest in 2001. A few of Andrew’s hit songs including “It’s Time to Party” were used in video games in addition to commercials. Wow! He must have been racking in a lot of money. Andrew W.K. considers himself to be a professional partier with no grasp of managing his finances. He has admitted to spending most of his money on partying because of hearing negative phrases from friends such as “money is the root of all evil” as he was growing up. Later, in life, a wise person in his circle told him that money could be good and bad. It depends on how people use it. As Andrew reminisced on the past, he thought about how he could have achieved more goals if he had handled it correctly. This guy might seem like an airhead because of the titles of his hit songs, but he came to realize that if you are poor, there is no way you can help other people and began spending his money more wisely on his family. What is the moral of Andrew’s story? Be weary of people that have bad money habits and beliefs that will make you think that money is negative.

#4 Puff Daddy (aka Sean Puffy Combs) – Has Had Artists Claim He Stole Their Money It seems that Puff Daddy has the world at his fingertips. Starting as an intern with Uptown Records after dropping out of Howard University turned out quite well for him. He is infamous in Miami for throwing all-white parties, and if you search his name with the word party, Google Image pages will tell the rest. Although the late Notorious B.I.G. is no longer with us, Puff Daddy helped birth the careers of many artists including French Montana, Mase, Bow Wow and the list goes on. Besides music, he made a smart decision to diversify his portfolio and opened a restaurant in 1998 located in the hot city of Atlanta called Justin’s, which is the name of one of his sons. In 2009 the IRS searched high and wide for Puff Daddy for a slightly over $7,000 back tax check for the restaurant. As a business man that always appears to be well dressed and so eloquent with his words, how can anyone miss that? Well, we all know that Puffy is known for partying and after popping bottles in the club for too many nights, forgetting to pay taxes for a business that is in another state can happen to anyone. Aside from his restaurant, there have been many of his artists that have come out of the woodwork admitting that Puffy cheated them out of money from music albums. The artists include the rap group The Lox, R&B singer Carl Thomas, and “Whoa!” Hit rapper Black Rob. No matter what Puffy is going through, the right thing to do is pay his artists for their hard work.

#5 Lindsay Lohan – Couldn’t Stay Away from the IRS or Jail She’s back! Yes, Lindsay Lohan is back in tinsel town. Not on the Hollywood scene but she pops up occasionally, in the news stories. Most know her for being an actress, but she is also a singer with four albums. I remember her as the innocent Disney star with bright red hair. I thought she was going to maintain the girl next door image. In the mid-2000s right before her career started to take a downturn, Lindsay would show up to movie sets late, became friends with Paris Hilson was pictured with Snoop Dog in the club and was proud of her behavior so much that she had a cameo in Pharrell Williams music video Everybody Knows. An infamous song about crazy things that happen at night clubs. Like Puff Daddy, the IRS came looking for her when she owed $250,000 in 2012 after she went bankrupt. After finding out that she had no plans to pay up, the IRS stopped her assets. Surprisingly enough, her celebrity friend Charlie Sheen helped her out with $100,000. Four years later it seems that her partying ways remain. We can at least say that she was close to being domesticated; she was recently engaged to a Russian Billionaire heir named Egor Tarabasov, later breaking up with him for his violent behavior. Well, it is never too late to get back on your feet Lindsay. One of the points we can learn from her story is there is nothing wrong with being a good girl. They usually last longer in their career and make better financial decisions.

#6 George Clinton – Lost All His Money To Financial Advisers  What is the first thing you think about when you hear the name, George Clinton? If you ask me, I reflect on the multi-colored dreadlocks and the party lifestyle that baby boomers would tell me about when they reminisce on their musical favorites. He had a good time performing with his bands Parliament and Funkadelic and earned the respect of the great James Brown. As he was traveling the globe with his band, taking part in some of the best parties while brushing shoulders with celebrities, he failed to pay attention to the little details of his compensation from the record label that he deserved. George went on the record to say that he earned less money than his fans thought. He had no idea that his business partners and managers took ownership of the publishing rights to all his music. If he played his cards right, he could have retired earlier on in life. Owning the publishing rights to hit music means receiving a check every month in the mail. In 1984 Mr. Clinton, unfortunately, filed for bankruptcy to avoid an economic mess. On a more positive note, George Clinton’s last day on tour in 2016 is on December 31 in Las Vegas. He also has a book that was published in 2014 out right now called “Brothas Be, Yo Like George, Ain’t That Funkin’ Kinda Hard on You? A Memoir.” Who knows? With all the tours, he had lined up this year and his book; there’s a possibility that he can get himself back in the green.

#7 Allen Iverson – Thankfully Will Get $30 Million When He Turns 55 Allen Iverson wore many hats as an NBA player including being a rapper. It is common as a matter of fact for most athletes to want to step into the studio. I once asked one of my NBA obsessed friends what happened to Allen Iverson? Nothing had me more prepared than watching a documentary on Netflix of him called Iverson. He had a whirlwind of media scandal’s, and it doesn’t help that his cornrows (at a time when they weren’t a favorite of the NBA), and his thug-life persona was intimidating to society, although he was known as being one of the top shooting guards ever to live. Allen Iverson lived a lifestyle behind the scene like most American athletes. He partied a lot, and the money gave him a bit more pep in his step to the point when he thought he could say controversial comments to the press and get away with it. Sources state that he made up to $200 million throughout his career, mostly from his endorsement deals. In addition to fancy jewelry, real estate, and fast cars it started to override his fame and when the day came that the courts garnished his bank account, it was a life awakening event. He opened his statement and noticed a $900,000 deficit for payment towards jewelry. Out of all the organizations that he can thank for an opportunity is Reebok. He apparently has a $30 million trust with the shoe company that will become available the minute he turns 55 years old.

#8 Amy Winehouse – Did Not Have a Will Amy Winehouse had a heart full of soul, broke boundaries of what jazzy rhythm and blues looked like, lived her life like a rock star and her meltdown was captured by media for the world to see. Even until today, new artists from the UK mimic her singing style to continue the legacy of Miss Winehouse. Before she died, Amy was married to Blake Fielder, who many blame her excessive partying and drug addiction due to the emotional abuse that he imposed on the creative songstress. Shortly after they got married, we started to see a different Amy Winehouse. After a crazy night of partying, the paparazzi caught her walking barefoot around London town. She was drastically losing weight because of her drug addictions. Her voice was taking a toll and news outlets publicized that her performances including the one in Dubai in February 2011 were a disappointment. Her estate was said to be worth over £4 million which equals $6.7 million in US dollars. However, with her additional debts and taxes that needed payment, the most disappointing part of this story is she did not write up a will before she left to give what was left over to family and loves ones. At the end of the day from a financial perspective Amy Winehouse lost out big time; when our time to go comes we can’t take the money with us which means the tax man and other non-family sources took over what she worked so hard for.

#9 Luke Campbell – Thought He Was Too Cool For The IRS If you don’t know about Luther Campbell, get ready to learn today. Luther is infamous for making hit music (that in my opinion) started the campaign of booty shaking songs all over the world in the early 1990s. If you think misogynistic music is bad now, imagine how much it was not accepted back, then. The lyrics in his music stirred controversy and here’s how it happened. In 1989 he was in a group called As Nasty As They Wanna Be and a hit single on the album caught the attention of the American Family Association (AF) leading to court visits for making obscene music. Now to get back to the topic, Luther Campbell was the Jamie Foxx of our time throwing over the top parties with women in itty-bitty swimsuits with rappers, R&B singers, rock stars and their entourages all in one house. Although he is known for starting a musical trend that brought him millions of dollars, he had to pay off legal fees for his raunchy lyrics and was also unable to pay the IRS $74,000 in taxes in 2012. To go back in history, his record label Luke Records went into bankruptcy. At the end of the day, Luther now works a few jobs as a Miami New Times writer and is the coach for a Pee Wee football team. What can we learn from Luke’s story? Watch your words, actions and what you write. It might offend someone and if you decide to cross the line, make sure it is timely. Breaking the mold in a traditional industry might sound genius but give it time and break down barriers when the time is right.

#10 Lil Wayne – Spends $55,000 a Month on a Jet Lately, Lil Wayne has been in the tabloids more for his lifestyle versus his legacy of making epic music. He is one of the few mainstream rappers that was good enough to sit in on an interview with Katie Couric in 2009 on her talk show named Katie. Wealthy Millennials in the suburbs flocked to his skateboard riding persona even though his lyrics about being ghetto fabulous were not even close to their reality. The one thing that Lil Wayne or his public relations team can’t deny is the man partied more than a DJ. He has even spent $30,000 at Diamonds club in less than 3 hours. A $30,000 donation to an organization for in-need families would have been a better expenditure! Nonetheless, the stories about his career with Cash Money Records were leaked, his $55,000 a month jet and $30 million worth of fine art in his Miami Beach castle were re-possessed. I need to add that he also owes $2 million to a company named Signature Group, and is still in financial dispute with Cash Money Records owner Birdman for money from previous albums he hasn’t received. My goodness. I hope that Lil Wayne figures it out or gives us another great album to take care of his situation. The lesson today from Lil Wayne’s lifestyle is to curb expensive addictions and pay attention to the small details of money you spend. Partying is a luxury, but when the year ends, and you have nothing to show for, the only person you can hold accountable is yourself.

#11 James Hetfield – Wasted Money on Drugs and Alcohol Forcing Them To Keep Working If you have a debate with your friends about the best rock band ever to exist, Metallica might end up in the conversation. This group has traveled to perform in all the great cities worldwide. North America loves a lifestyle train wreck to success story no matter who it is, and it helps even more if you are a musician. James Hetfield admitted to cleaning up his act after a long time of drinking excessive alcohol and being addicted to extracurricular drugs. In 2001 he became sober and got his life back on track. Woo hoo! Even an alcoholic with a resilient liver can’t fight off the way it impairs your mind, lessens the number of brain cells to improve memory and makes you make irrational decisions. James and the group hired staff they could not afford and were unable to keep up with an entertainment corporation. Because of the mishaps, Metallica cannot retire; they have to tour every summer to make up for the loss. They tried to create a movie, but unfortunately, the film Through the Never flopped. It was over budget, and if successful, it could have helped them out with a chunk of their debt. As one of the thought to be richest bands in the world, James has a lot of work ahead of him. To all of the upcoming rockers reading this story. Do your best not to let this happen to you.

#12 The Goo Goo Dolls – Made $0 Off Album  Another fete passionate group, the Goo Goo Dolls, made our list. While we wish they had a better story ending with the success of their musical catalog, it looks like fun parties and keeping up with the Joneses was one part of the business this band couldn’t resist. More recently in 2013, Johnny Rzeznik, the lead man in the group stopped drinking. He told CNN “I quit drinking. And that lightened up my perspective on the world quite a bit… I think our last album was a bummer. But the only way out is to go through, so that was going through. And now we’re out on the other end.” In the 1990s the band sold over 2 million albums while under contract with Warner Bros. Even after the Goo Goo Dolls owed Warner Bros. money, the record label was kind enough to give them an advance after completing the Dizzy Up the Girl album in 1998. Until this day, none of the members have seen one penny of royalties from earnings for the album. It makes full sense that the strategy for the record label to request an album was to recoup the money. We would think that the three members learned from their partying ways back in the day, but more recently they surround their performances around parties. The moral of Goo Goo Doll’s story: a rock star lifestyle can be a reality without doing things to destroy your life. In your twenties and thirties you can catch up, but if you’re forty years old in the business with no assets to your name, you may have to start all over again.

#13 Courtney Love – Walked Away From Nirvana Collection When I think of Courtney Love, my mind turns to Kurt Cobain, plastic surgery and her love for the nightlife. Her first music video I can remember on MTV made me believe that she had what it took to be the next Madonna or being respected much like her counterpart (back then) Gwen Stefani. Whether it was her personal issues or the death of her late husband Kurt Cobain, she was the talk of the town and not for the right reasons. If you are thinking that she was caught a few times in her past for being tipsy, it is 2016 now, and she ended up booted out of a Guns N’ Roses party at Coachella for drinking too much. Who gets tossed out of a rock stars party? That means she was acting out more than a male pop artist that will get a pat on the back for his behavior. It is a belief that she is worth $150 million but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. She made $27 million of Nirvana’s estate disappear; apparently, she inherited this money in 2006 after her husband died. When interviewed by the Business Insider about this she said that she “had to let it go.” If she was sober when she made this decision, her daughter Frances Bean owns the Nirvana music catalog, and after turning 40 years of age, she will be the board member of the Empire. Note to self, never make a child responsible for an estate. While this sounds like a good way to create generational wealth, you have no idea how your son or daughter will turn out. Five percent of the Estate looks good. Twenty-five percent of the estate, even better, but be ready to groom them for the responsibility before the time comes.

#14 Busta Rhymes – Forgot To Pay His Taxes Busta Rhymes had the swag to become the next Snoop Dog. His dreadlocks, tough guy stare, heavy build and Jamaican accent in some of his songs were loved by many. If we count down the top 20 rappers of all time, he will end up on the list. We don’t know if it was his fast rapping style or his fearless New York mindset, he couldn’t shake off the nightlife. Busta Rhymes music played at night clubs, weddings, and birthday parties. It didn’t take rocket science to realize at the beginning of his career that he will carry out his lively personality we see in his music videos in night clubs in New York, and major cities he would perform in. Much like the other artists in my article, Busta forgot to pay his taxes on time owing more than $800,000. He even dedicated partying in a rap song featuring Zhane named “It’s a Party” in 1996. In 2015 at an after party for the BET awards, Busta ended up being in a club where a shooting took place. He was with rappers Meek Mill, The Game, and T-Pain. Also, he is the life of the party so much that fashion designer Alexander Wang called him on stage at his after-party in September 2012. When a successful fashion designer invites you to a party, you know you made it in life. Busta is also a good time Charlie with prim and proper celebrities. In 1997 the cookie cutter Martha Stewart took pictures with him on the red carpet at the MTV Music Awards.

#15 Tupac Against the World – Was Worth $40 Million But Died With Under $100,000 When you are an artist signed to a music label named Death Row Records it is probably a part of your contract to live out the life of a real gangster. Tupac Shakur was a man of many faces; besides the one we know the most, he was an activist, critic of politics, and an avid reader of the sciences. That is not bad for a gangster rapper! At the same time, Tupac had his share of run-ins with the law and had no choice but to live up to the thug life image with a boss like Suge Knight. He was conflicted between being a simple man or pursuing a new career. Before the end of his demise, Tupac Shakur wanted to turn his skills that he learned as an actor in Gridlock’d (co-starring the British actor Tim Roth) into working in front of the big screen. There are many theories out there as to why he is dead; Tupac wanted out of Death Row Records to change careers or the hip hop beef with the Notorious B.I.G. At the end of the day, the most shocking part of his lifestyle is he died with only $60,000 in the bank. Say what? How can a man with a net worth of $40 million die with less than a $100,000 to his name? Here’s the answer. As much as he was an intellectual, Tupac loved late nights at the nightclubs. Before he passed, he was engaged to music producer Quincy Jones daughter Kidada Jones, but before then he enjoyed the presence of female groupies. His assets such as his beautiful rental house in the Kardashians hometown of Calabasas was taken care of by Suge Knight and his fancy Rolls-Royce, Mercedes-Benz and BMW on rims were all owned by Mr. Knight as well.

Source: TheRIchest

[ottomanbob]

how I learned to memorize a deck of cards in 3 minutes, in less than 1 month

Memorizing decks of cards is a great way to cultivate focus muscles. I obtained baseline competency of this skill with about 4 days of moderate practice, then reduced my time by 80% over the course of a month. Here’s a graph of my “deck time” over the course of 32 recorded trials:

After about 3 weeks of daily practice, I clock in a pretty consistent 3:10 per deck. I might have considered that impossible just 30 days ago.

To develop this skill I used a combination of Tim Ferriss’ Bikeshop Pro method, meticulous tracking and measurement, and a handful of very cool apps. Ferriss and other memory advocates/athletes may recommend starting with “Bikeshop Lite” AKA the “Roman House” or “Memory Palace” method before moving to Pro. Frankly, I’d advise against this. It’s a waste of time.

Basics of Bikeshop Pro (ft. @ottomanbob)

I won’t go into detail here, I encourage you to instead refer to Ferriss’ post. Here’s a summary:

Assign every card in the deck a person, action, and object.

Create a route through an actual physical space with which you are familiar. I used my drive from high school to the beach, stopping at home on the way.

Choose 17 distinct locations on this route. As you flip through a deck combine the subject from one card, the action from the next, and the object from another. Place this image at the first location on your route.

Continue in triads for the rest of the deck, using the 52nd (leftover) card creatively in your last scene.

feel gud

Proud. by Jameswmann.com via Attribution Engine. Licensed under CC NC.

how I did it (and you can too)

Of course, nothing this cool is that simple and effortless. Here are some detailed actionable tips from journey to proficiency:

1. Assigning an image to each card was one of the trickiest parts of this whole process. I tried about three different organizational strategies before settling. I started with someone else’s Anki deck (see below), which had assigned images of celebrities to Diamonds and Clubs. (I can no longer find this deck online). For Spades and Hearts, respectively, I assigned a male friend and memorable girl from each grade level of my education. The King of Hearts, for instance, is my girlfriend doing yoga on a mat, whereas the King of Spades is my college roommate, Yves, lying facedown on a mattress. lmao.

When choosing your images be super duper intentional. There are so many things I would change if I were to start from square one. In my list there are three or four images that involve a person feeding, petting, or slapping a different small animal. All three of these actions and their objects are far too visually similar.

In addition, make sure your actions/verbs are versatile. “Bill Gates rebooting his computer” is very difficult to combine with “Wambui doing yoga on a mat.” How does one reboot a yoga mat? I’ve found more grotesque and visual verbs to be more effective. A quick list:

Shitting

Fucking

Masturbating

Jumping

Diving

Screaming

Roundhouse Kicking

Kissing

Ground and pounding

Some truly bizarre imagery from my Anki deck.

2. Use ANKI to memorize your newly minted images. This crude interface uses spaced repetition to ensure maximum returns on your image memorization. The mobile app is pricey as fuck, unfortunately, but it’s useful for nearly any sort of memorization exercise. I started with the 26 celebrity cards from this deck, then downloaded images for the remaining 26 cards. I completed my flashcards using the Anki desktop app, which is free, and the batch media importer plugin. Be careful when syncing the cards to your phone, it’s not intuitive, but it’s worth it.

3. Designing my route was a fun meditative exercise, as it required me to mentally travel through my favorite neighborhoods and take snapshots. I would recommend against choosing spots on the highway (too small) or sprawling areas like “Nalo Town” (too large). Ideal spots on the map are urban, with lots of texture and character. For instance “MidPac,” my high school, has lots of distinct features but is too big an area. When recalling my first triad, I often find myself browsing around the 50 acres of the campus, looking for an image I don’t recall.

“Maunalani Park,” conversely, just consists of some grass, a playground, a court, and a parking lot. I can mentally browse it in a matter of seconds. Plus there are lots of surfaces and items with which my characters can interact.

i.e. Bill Clinton fellating a sheep on the jungle gym.

4. After about two days of assigning images, locations, and practicing flash cards, I started with small batches of cards. 

It should be noted at this point that I have only practiced once with a proper deck of cards. Instead, I’ve been using iPhone app 52Cards. The app has an integrated timer, which is super useful, and is much better for practicing on the go/toilet.

Recalling 22 card batches, then checking my score. Here I began to notice that most of my errors were in “writing,” or constructing my scenes. Not during recall. I also made sure to take note whenever I hit a new PR (personal record).

5. After a couple days of small batch practice, I started doing full decks. This was the most grueling part of the whole process because it’s so goddamned long. I was shooting for accuracy, not speed, and every one of my first few decks would take at least ten minutes. It’s pretty uncomfortable for a millennial to stay laser focused for ten minutes straight. My first high accuracy (90%+) full deck took about 12 minutes! (I still practiced my flashcards on these days, as well.)

6. What gets measured gets managed. Despite all the aforementioned work, I attribute most of my success in developing this skill to meticulous and deliberate tracking and analysis. Over the month, I designed and refined a Google Sheet for recording my times and accuracy. Using a bunch of simple formulas, I’m able to gather a ton of insights to improve my practice.

(A)CPM = accurate cards per minute, SP(A)C = seconds per (accurate) card

This sheet has enabled me to graph my progress, calculate a trendline curve (third degree polynomial regression seen above) to predict future speeds, and observe other trends. Currently, there are 32 entries in my spreadsheet, but I’ve probably practiced on twice as many decks. I don’t record data for sessions I do on the toilet or tram, unless they are really remarkable. If I do, I’ll note qualitative data as to why.

Some insights from my spreadsheet:

I tend to hit new personal records after taking a one or two day break.

My two most recent PRs have been while listening to LCD Soundsystem and Father John Misty. This is likely due to the tempo of the songs, not their brilliant songwriting.

My speed seldom improves over the course of one day. Brain fatigue is real!

7. I prefer listening to music over using a metronome, though I’ll usually practice in silence if possible. 170+ BPM dance music like LCD Soundsystem proves to be particularly effective. Of course, I’m not actually turning cards at 200 BPM. It’s more like 30 BPM, at the start of each measure. If you can tolerate the tick of the metronome, I recommend the Pro Metronome app. The lite version should suffice for this application. 

8. Take Breaks! Once I started making serious progress, I got hooked, flipping decks at every dull moment. As a result my speeds actually decreased, and the whole process became less fun. I now force myself to take days off. Remember the purpose of this exercise is to cultivate focus, not distraction!

9. I thought this would be a cool party trick. It is. BUT after 2 glasses of wine, my accuracy tanks. W/R/T showing off at social gatherings, under-commit on speed and over-deliver. When I tried to show off at a dinner in Paris, I made the mistake of keeping everyone quiet for five minutes while I flipped cards. I think it would have been better to let people chat and instead take ten minutes.

Pin-up Cartoon Playing Cards by Andertoons via Attribution Engine. Licensed under CC BY.

in conclusion

I’m yet to observe the real long term benefits of toning and honing my focus muscles, yet I do feel some dramatic immediate effects. Now, when I look at a deck or decide to focus on something, it is much easier to turn off the outside world and extraneous thoughts in my head. This type of focus is something I recall regularly feeling doing homework in elementary school, before the internet ejaculated all over my brain. At the very least, card memorization is a badass party trick and a source of personal pride. And for a distraction behavior, it sure beats Facebook.

As my speed improves, I’ll update this post and move onto other focus exercises, like Rubik’s cubing and speed chess.

xx adam