#i think the latter is better for the reason i stated - and cuz i can edit the ukulele and vocals independently if i feel like it

[smile-files]

for recording professional-ish music, do you recommend i record ukulele and vocals on the same track (as in, a recording of my singing as i play the ukulele part), or on different tracks (i record the ukulele part and then record myself singing over it)? the latter has the benefit of it being easier to retake parts if i mess up a lyric, but it's also more fiddly - what i'm really wondering though is what ends up sounding cleaner

[ckret2]

3rd times the charm (writing this i lost what i wrote 2 times already) questions/related for/to goldilocks bill 

1 is mabel adhd and or some neurodivergent cuz of hw/grade thoughts/feeling /comments made/referenced and was this me being delusional/implied and will only be implied in the story/foreshadow something or just 

2 can bill hid his cycle long term and who restocks mables pads cuz if its her what does she think of a huge chunk going missing and if not how long and with mable in ca and melody maybe moving out what would he do what are his thoughts on having to ask for menstrual products like asking would be humiliating on a scale of 1 to 10 who would he ask most to least likely what beliefs/knowledge/feeling do the other characters have on periods 

3 would he have any thoughts/preference on different menstrual products like pads/tampons/cups/other items i don't know or it the theme/art the only difference 

4 sorry if this is gross (S&P would never approve) but would bill if he had period blood at the time gone for round 3 of battle of hygiene used the period blood like his stink and the sink incident as bargaining/negotiations chips for something cuz i hate how messy period blood is in my experience and just experience with so many peoiple being so repulsed by it (would he possibly think its funny like blood haha and the blood clots like slipe)

5 why did he get one so soon like his body is 2 weeks old ( i think i'm bad with time(time is and illusion anyway)) but anxiety, depression, sudden weight loss/gain, being under/over weight, extreme exercise, and poor nutrition are some of the relevant things that can make you miss your period and bills got oodles of poor nutrition depression anxiety and maybe (going on only sooses comment so far) sudden weight loss (for me just eating 2 to 1 meals (1 school lunch the other fast food) a day for a long time meant i didn't get a period for like 6 months) but is it the fact it's so new and axolotl set to easy thats he got one (also i don't mean to be rude i have no knowledge of what you do/dont know about periods and stuff)

6 for the kryptos gang Maybe when the accident happens bill rips holes in the dimension of accident and only they are lucky/unlucky enough to fall and get translated though not knowing it was bill and not in bills view/doesn't know/thinks that killed them? And end up stranded in an extremely unknown place worried about the shit going down in the dimension and latter get rumors it was destroyed and they grieve But that way bill is  alone in the aftermath and people spread no survivors present and these shapes are standed  he meets/collects them that way he can promise them something better would them not knowing erase or amplify the guilt or would them know bill did it make more sense sorry if this is bad i know that i don't articulate myself well disclaimer i have not read the book of bill (im :,( broke rn).i have seen some of the website but would this work with cannon and your story i also don't know how the dimension stuff would go would they up or down a dimension maybe the axolotl translated them cuz reason idk or bill accidently did it when the holes ripped open

god that's a lot of text to lose twice I'm so sorry lmao

1. Yes, I write Mabel as ADHD. I don't know if it will ever be directly stated in the fic, primarily because I doubt she's gonna get a diagnosis; but I'm drawing on the experiences of family, friends, & myself to write her.

2. Mabel thinks "hmmm... I used those a lot faster than I expected... but I've been using these less than a year, maybe I just don't have a good sense of how fast I use them yet."

Bill wouldn't consider asking for them any more or less humiliating than having to ask his captors for food access, shower access, or sunlight access. He has no taboos or shame associated with bleeding out of a hole for most of a week, being ashamed of that is a human cultural thing; but he is consistently humiliated by needing to ask his captors to please let him have the basic resources he needs for his stupid body maintenance.

But remember he just got a room with a fridge and permission from Soos to stick whatever he wants on the household grocery list. He doesn't need to specifically ask his captors for period supplies. He can just... put it on the grocery list. Now it's Soos's problem. Maybe Abuelita's, I feel like she might prefer to do the shopping if it's not too strenuous for her yet.

3. Tampons can kill you so Bill thinks humans are pretty dumb to use them. He doesn't much care beyond that. He's used exactly one product.

4. I can't think of a reason he wouldn't but I'm not interested in exploring weaponized hygiene more than I already have.

5. He's been in his body over five weeks. He got the one period he's had so far almost 4 weeks in, giving him a cycle only slightly longer than average. (Even if he HAD gotten one two weeks in—how do you know his body wasn't just created already halfway through a cycle?) He's had a shit month but he started off in good enough health for it not to immediately matter and the shittiest most physically & mentally grueling part of the month (the eclipse + execution) came after he'd bled.

6. begs a lot of questions—"how" "why them" "where were they" "why didn't Bill find out sooner" "why DID he find out". Doesn't feel airtight enough to me. Plus, I already know EXACTLY how Bill's dimension is destroyed, and random rips in the dimension aren't part of it.

[delku]

characters i dont really understand the appeal of pairing deku with romantically list go

ordered from least to most understandable

bakugo: they care for each other but in the "i want to be the guy who kicks your ass to hell" (possessive) way not the "ilu xoxo" way. wounds can heal but deku has lasting psychological damage from bakugo whether hes conscious of it or not and judging on the current state of their characters i still dont see a way that a romance between them wouldn't be a toxic nightmare for not just them but everyone in their social circle. a character exploration maybe isnt the worst thing ever but it's an extreme minority who enjoys this pairing who would consider a serious read on such a concept. rating: not cute

shindo yo: man shindo is weird and mean in a way i dont think deku would really appreciate or be able to get over. cant imagine them ever ending up together considering their interactions... 'm thinking people only pair them cuz they look somewhat similar. weirdchamp

kaminari: ??? can someone point me in the direction of their interactions lining up in any manner remotely resembling normal friendly camaraderie cuz. uh. my memories of their interactions are characterized by incidents like "you hung out with NAKED GIRL???!?!?!?" and "take a bath stinky" which um. well. yes kaminari meant well in the latter (so did the entirety of class A lol he's not special) but he did Not in the former. also, just as a vibes thing: their energies kind of clash. kaminari is too casual, deku is too polite.

sero: i'm not really against this one for some reason but i'm bringing him up here anyways - because he has a lot of the same problems kaminari has wrt being kind of a dick about things just for the hell of it. sero's more laid back though, so maybe that's why it's not as weird to me

monoma: if youre gonna ship monoma with some schmuck from class A that he loves to hate on wouldnt bakugo make more sense. but anyways monoma and deku havent really had any positive interactions and monoma was like, genuinely pretty mean to deku for no reason a few times. +1 to deku using his mental weakness against him in team up mission that was funny. anyways a relationship between them isn't an impossibility but you'd need to sell me on it; i prefer them as friends who had a rocky lead up at best

shouji: cmon i think shouji can do better (this is mean. theres not really a nice way to say it though. also it doesn't actually matter; it's really just another vibes mismatch since deku's a bit hyperactive and intense compared to how stoic shouji is)

other miscellaneous high school-aged characters (shiketsu, ketsubutsu, ua not first years etc): why. above reasoning on steroids

other class b students: why bother when there are characters that have a relationship with deku... but honestly, this is more just that most of the class b members are so underdeveloped that for most of them it'd essentially be developing an oc in their body. to make them romance deku. you do you i just don't really understand the appeal

kouda and satou fall under the above statement since they have so little characterization relative to everyone else

tokoyami: mismatched vibes. do what you want, i just don't get it

and regarding the parenthesized portion of that previous post i will reblog this with a list

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 294: A Half-Assed Escape

Previously on BnHA: Mirio was all “SURPRISE I’M BACK THANKS TO OUR RESIDENT SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO RECENTLY EARNED HER BACHELOR’S OF BEING A TOTAL BADASS.” Kacchan was all, “you know what, Dabi’s been trending long enough, time to remind the fandom what a real G looks like,” and he blasted his little bleeding body back into the fray and was all “FROM HERE ON OUT CALL ME DYNAMIGHT!!” Mirio was all, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, you’re serious,” and Kacchan was all “!!”, and so that’s the story of how my son got murdered twice in one day. Meanwhile in the Todoroki Drama Zone, Deku was all “STOP MURDERING MY FRIEND” and Dabi was all “THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and fandom had a whole big debate about Whether Or Not Dabi Trying To Murder Deku’s Friends And Mentors Is Any Of Deku’s Business, which went exactly how you think it went. Anyway, so then Deku yelled at Dabi, and Endeavor was all moved by his manly words and randomly went to go uppercut Machia in the chin. And, seeing as how the Momoserum finally chose that exact moment to kick in, Machia is now down for the count.

Today on BnHA: The Miriosquad handles the Nearly High End Noumus, freeing up Jeanist to jasphyxiate (okay that one doesn’t really work so well) the rest of the League. Compress is all “TIME FOR THIS MILD-MANNERED SIDE CHARACTER VILLAIN TO SHINE”, except that by “shine” what he actually means is “use his quirk to punch a literal hole right through his own ass to free himself.” The rest of the chapter is basically just a back and forth between him and Jeanist, with Jeanist trying to recapture him, and Compress repeatedly thwarting him by chopping more holes out of himself because HE’S FRESH OUT OF FUCKS, AND THE ONES AT THE STORE ARE ALL SOLD OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyway, so with Compress basically dying and all, Horikoshi is all “you know what that means”, and delivers a freshly-baked villain flashback revealing that Compress is a descendant of Harima Ouji, a.k.a. the Peerless Thief, a.k.a. some famous guy whom Gentle mentioned this one time for like two seconds back in the day. The chapter ends with Compress finally demasking himself and dumping Tomura back onto the ground, a.k.a. The Worst Possible Place For Tomura To Be. ( •﹏•)

WHY IS CRUST HERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

-- OH WAIT, SHIT. OH

AIZAWAAAA you’re alive and receiving medical help thank GOD. HOW MANY EYES DO YOU HAVE. AND MIRKO!! HOW MANY LIMBS DO YOU HAVE, OMG

so is this Aizawa dreaming about Crust’s final moments, then?? jesus. with All Due Respect to Crust’s memory, does Aizawa not already have enough misplaced guilt on his conscience as it is?? “nope, we’re gonna keep piling it on. that’s all he is now. three limbs, an indeterminate number of eyes, sexy hair, and Guilt” well shit

motherfucker y’all really out here placing an oxygen mask on Gran Torino’s corpse. fucking shounen characters. each one comes with a lifetime warranty

DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THESE CLOSE-UPS OF HAWKS’S UNCONSCIOUS FACE ALL WHUMPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE WE GOING TO GET. ARE YOU PLANNING ON KILLING ME WITH THE UPCOMING CONVALESCENCE ARC, BECAUSE IF SO, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME SO I CAN MAKE A WILL

for a moment I considered going back and checking my previous recaps to count how many times I’ve already made a joke about Dabi’s fire incinerating Hawks’s wings but not touching so much as a hair on his five o’clock shadow, so that I could calculate whether or not I could possibly get away with making that same joke one more time. but then I realized I could just do it in this kind of roundabout way I’m doing right now instead. so there you have it

FFFFFFFMT LADY AND MIDNIGHT NOOOOO

PLEASE BE ALIVE. PLEASE RESPECT THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. THE ONE THAT SAYS “NO LADY CHARACTERS ALLOWED TO DIE”, WITH THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM “AT LEAST NOT UNTIL HORIKOSHI GIVES US LIKE TWENTY-SIX MORE OF THEM FIRST IF THAT’S THE WAY HE WANTS TO PLAY IT.” IT’S A GOOD SIGN, PLEASE RESPECT ITS WISHES!!

so anyway though, Jeanist is giving a speech about how god knows how many people all worked together to bring Machia down. and now RHA is getting in on those fabric puns too, I see. “A SINGLE STRAND MAY BE THIN BUT TOGETHER THEY FORM A STRONG ROPE” oh so you think you guys are funny eh? I’m a frayed knot

MEANWHILE EXCUSE ME BUT WHY ARE YOU FUCKING CRYING BLOOD, HOLY SHIT

fffffff. so much for him taking over as the Number One once all this is over. so let’s just recap real quick, because Horikoshi has long since made it clear that one of his plot goals for this arc is to wipe out every single member of the Billboard Top Ten. so how we doin?

Endeavor - was just figuratively eviscerated in front of the entire nation by his homicidal zombiepunk son. also burnt half to death and possibly down a lung. will almost certainly be forced to retire after this one way or the other

Hawks - lying prettily in a medical tent. wings status: gone. hair status: still perfect

Jeanist - WELL I THOUGHT HE WAS FINE BUT APPARENTLY HE’S OUT HERE DYING, JESUS CHRIST

Edgeshot - MIA, last seen fighting Re-Destro. I really want him to have kicked RD’s ass because fuck that guy, but realistically they probably fought to a draw at best

Mirko - alive but in critical condition and missing something like 1.5 limbs

Crust - dead, currently haunting Aizawa’s traumatized dreams. now he’s gonna be triggered the rest of his life by people giving him the thumbs up, THANKS A LOT

Kamui Woods - was set on fire which is His Weakness. thoughts and prayers

Wash - last seen floating hospital patients to safety as Tomura’s wave of decay descended towards him. probably dead ffff

Old Man Samurai - haven’t seen this fucker in a hot minute, who even knows where he’s wandered off to

Ryuukyuu - currently being treated for her wounds, looked pretty bad off. but it’s hard to tell how hurt she is since most of the injuries were acquired in her transformed state. SHE BETTER GET WELL SOON

anyways, so yeah. so much for the top ten. guess that’s another reason Horikoshi brought Mirio back now, huh

so there’s a big panel of everyone fighting the Noumu while Machia lies there all “blurgh.” good riddance my dude. it took like twenty chapters and a hundred people to stop this guy so I really fucking hope he stays down. you’ve had your fun

anyway so Jeanist is sending another steel thread towards Dabi! and he’s all “just a bit more!!” fklklj this is gonna go real well isn’t it

meanwhile Mirio’s fighting a Nearly High End with all of these weird rock formations jutting out of its skin. go on and kick his ass then, Mirio

“each of these guys is probably just as strong as the Noumu from Kyuushuu” hold on I thought Ujiko or Tomura or someone said that wasn’t the case? not that Mirio would know I suppose. anyways let’s just hope he’s wrong cuz if not these kids are probably screwed

kLSDKFHLSKHGLKLK OH MY GODDDD

IIDA FUCKING TENYA YOU’RE A PEACH. THINKS THE NAME IS OUTRAGEOUS, CHECK. USES IT ANYWAY, CHECK. “JUST BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE SUPPORTIVE.” WHAT A CLASS ACT

AND KACCHAN IS RESPONDING WITH AS MUCH DIGNITY AS HE CAN MUSTER

WOW, SON. IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, OR SOMETHING!! although listen up, real talk, the fact that Kacchan of all people can’t muster the energy to yell at someone questioning his ability to kick ass is HIGHKEY troubling and we may be in need of an intervention here soon :/

now Jeanist is finally turning his attention to the League! was... was it not already on the League. omg

ACTUAL SCREAMING AHHHHHH FUCK FUCKLK LK AHHLKHKFFFF

hey so um. what the actual fucked up hell. my soul left my body. imagine if you saw the reflection of this panel on your bedroom window. you would never sleep again

OKAY RHA TRANSLATORS ARE YOU HAVING YOURSELF A LAUGH AGAIN

THIS CANNOT BE WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING RIGHT. BUT IT’S RIGHT IN THAT UNCANNY VALLEY OF NOT BEING QUITE SURE, THOUGH... (　ﾟдﾟ)

(ETA: just a next-day clarification here, apparently my sleep-deprived ADHD word-skipping brain completely skipped right over the “a” in that last panel, so what I read was, “and Shigaraki’s limp noodle.” so yeah, the moral of this story is always read the speech bubble carefully before you start making running jokes throughout the rest of your post, folks.)

oh wow he’s really freaking out lmao

to be fair though, I’d argue that Dabi has gotten pre-tty close at this point :’) thrilled for him, really I am

but anyway, well then figure something out you big dramatic robot-armed fiend. didn’t you just say you could touch your own ass? can you not just Compress yourself to break free?? does it not work on you? or would you be stuck afterwards lol

(ETA: I was picturing him compressing his entire body at once, not just chunks of it. ghhhlkh.)

um

holy shit Jeanist. are you stupidly trying to cut off their air, or are you going for more of a sleeper hold (jleeper hold??) thing instead. the latter would be way smarter and faster and probably safer as well just saying

but unless Spinner is just being super dramatic, it sure looks like he’s fucking strangling them djslkjlk. this will certainly cement his popularity among the villain stans. good thing you’re not running for office any time soon bud

anyway so I have no idea what these guys are trying to do now. what is this

do you even have till the count of 5 at this rate. I mean

OH MY GOODNESS

HE’S REALLY FUCKING DOING IT!! HE’S COMPRESSING HIS BUTT!! OMFG. TOMURA HIDE YOUR NOODLE!!!

WHAT THE FUCK

DID YOU COMPRESS A PIECE OF YOUR OWN ASS. FUCKING WHAT. PUT THIS MAN’S PICTURE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE WORD “LOYALTY”, HOLY CRAP

HOLY SHIT COMPRESS

“HOLY SHIT DID THAT GUY JUST PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH HIS OWN ASS IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS VILLAIN PALS. FUCK IT, HE DESERVES TO ESCAPE”

jeez, talk about... A HALF-ASSED ESCAPE ATTEMPT :D :D :D hahaha. but real talk though, Horikoshi has clearly never tried to leap twelve feet straight up in the air multiple times in succession with only half his glutes though. everyone, I regret to inform you that this panel right here on the left may be slightly unrealistic

also where the hell is he going to go?? did you pack a jetpack away in one of those little marbles sir. and what about Dabi?? and Skeptic too, I guess, but we don’t really care about Skeptic

(ETA: at this point I had to stop reading for about two hours because I had to go out and take care of something; that’s also why this is being posted later than usual lol. anyways so where were we.)

oh my lord

the existence of a translator’s note here implies that the earlier line about Compress being able to reach Tomura’s junk was not, in fact, ad-libbed. hmm. hmmmmmmmm

anyway so now he’s grabbing Compress again because OF COURSE HE IS, so now we’re right back to square one! except now Tomura and Spinner are secured inside of little marbles, and presumably Compress is the only one who can release them

oh nevermind he’s just maiming himself again instead, SHEESH

Skeptic a man is dying please have some goddamn respect

so, uh. is he gonna die, though??

I really can’t tell wtf is going on here, this is the most confusing the art has been in a while. Horikoshi put all of his spoons into that creepyass close-up panel earlier, that bastard

OMG WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

DON’T FUCKING TELL ME THE “COMPRESS IS RELATED TO THIS THIEF GUY FROM OLDEN TIMES” THEORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE WHAAAAAAT. OH SHIT

so apparently Harima was a Robin Hood type guy who stole from... heroes?? wtf. are heroes the 1% in this scenario. y’all didn’t have any Fortune 500 CEOs to steal from?

THAT’S THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH YOU, OH SHIT. and in a related oh shit, the fact that we are getting a Compress flashback now of all times doesn’t bode super well for him. ffff

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKIS ARE STILL TODOROKI-ING

listen here boy if you touch one freaking hair on Shouto’s candy cane head I swear to god --

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY!!!

SHOUTO NOOOOOO. WTF YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONE GUY WHOSE WEAKNESS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FIRE. DABI YOU SHIT, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF!! I’M PRINTING OUT A COPY OF THAT COMPRESS PANEL!!! KEEP AN EYE OUT ON THAT BEDROOM WINDOW YOU PUNK!!!

SO NOW POOR SHOUTO IS UNCONSCIOUS AND FALLING!! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!! WHO CATCHES THE CATCHER

COMPRESS LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING

PLEASE DON’T CALL TOMURA LEADER OF THE “PLF” YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DO THAT. ARE YOU DYING. ARE YOU JUST A FUCKING HEAD NOW WTF

(ETA: “masks are removable, makeste” you know what it’s been a long day okay lmao. or I suppose Compress is really the one who is lmao.)

GASPPPPPP

okay. okay. looooool okay then

WHY WERE YOU COVERING THIS SEXY MOP OF HAIR UNDER THAT HOOD YOU TOOL. IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THE TOP HAT. I’M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW

as if it wasn’t enough for him to demask himself, he also had to get all shirtless and then do this weird attempt at a sexypose too huh

hard to say exactly how much of his torso is currently missing, but safe to say that’s proooooooobably not good. :///// fuck

on the other hand, Kacchan also has a torso hole and he’s still flying around like he just drank a dozen red bulls, so

this man lost his ass and he’s still out here monologuing like it’s the last two minutes of The Prestige. one might say he is monologuing his ass off

so he let Spinner and Tomura free, but is Dabi still trapped in his marble?? wasn’t he all on fire and stuff?? hopefully he can still turn off his quirk in there because if not that’s a pretty fucked up way to die. somewhere out there Snatch’s ghost is all “YEAH I’LL SAY.” oh how the turntables

last but not least, sooooooo. Tomura. back on the ground. that’s. um. ...shiiiiiiiit

[mfs-research-institute]

Hey big fan of this account.

I have a feeling this Nicte Beltan is behind the spree. It can’t be a coincidence the Spree rose after Alder betrayed her and she left. It explains why she’s hidden in the picture and why Alder has been hesitant taking on the Spree - because she knows she is responsible for their creation.

Also going to answer @thedreamsofthedreamer since both are about Nicte. Hello! So glad you're enjoying the theories and nerdiness! The general consensus from the RI is that Nicte created the Spree work and is likely the founder or a founder of the Spree. Some thoughts from our members:

--- @smallfrost: Definitely not a coincidence! The war Tally is "reliving" was ~25 years ago according to Eliot in an interview this season [link], and is likely a proxy war. The Spree is a modern movement from the last 20-25 years or so (as stated by Eliot in the very first episode of After the Storm, [link]). Definitely right after the battles Tally is witnessing. So, the work definitely came from Nicte but the question is, is Alder hiding her or is Nicte hiding herself from Alder? If it’s the former, could this hugely play into why the Army has so inefficient handled the Spree? Because they are Alder’s shame? If it’s the latter, perhaps Alder is unaware in her own ignorance and pride that she created the Spree?

-

@jalehh: Definitely!  third possibility while it is probably fairly known among witches that many spree are ex soldiers... it may be better to not so openly talk about, especially in front of civilians, why the spree happened and how close to army leadership and the 1st gen. of Spree were.  Never mind the exact circumstances (murder of prisoners of war) which I can only imagine is very much frowned upon among The Hague and the civilian government

-

@theycallmestephlee: I definitely think Nicte is the Spree founder. Between the similarity of her work with what we saw kill General Clary's daughter, and the general cover up of her existence, in the army at least, I don't think it's a stretch to get to this conclusion. And it definitely seems like Alder is covering this up, likely because of how close to Nicte she was and possibly because of how we saw things go in 2x03. Though it could have been a bit of a coverup on both sides, honestly. There are also some parallels between Nicte and Tally. In the beginning of the flashbacks, it looked almost like Nicte idolized Alder, much like Tally does, until Alder used Nicte's work in such a way that horrified her and likely drove her away. And one of the main issues the Spree has with the army is with Alder herself. Which very much tracks with what we've seen so far.

I've also been wondering if Nicte may be that "shit turkey" Alder referred to back in season one when Abigail came to her office to get reassigned. Of course, there is also still the theory that said "shit turkey" is a Collar. But I've been wondering more and more about the possibility of it being Nicte, though we don't know what her specialty is/was. Alder spoke of the "shit turkey" quite fondly and she seemed to be quite fond of Nicte as well and was quite impressed with her work, despite it being a little unconventional and wild. Perhaps it's just a random, wildly inaccurate theory. But it's a thought I keep having, regardless.

-

@here4rizzles: I agree Nicte could be the Spree founder. An alternative take is that she was a martyr type figure who had the conflict with Alder and certain ThingsTM happened between them, that ended with someone close to her seeing the story unravel starting the Spree because of whatever may have happened to Nicte.

Regarding who's hiding whom, I think it's more likely that Alder is hiding Nicte's existence. So many people have gone to that history room before Tally, that there is no way no-one had seen the witch photoshop, no matter how talented *I-SEE-SOUND-Tally* is. Also, Alder is having these dreams/visions/memories, so she obviously remembers Nicte. Now, Alder hiding her does not necessarily mean she's hiding her because of Spree-Founding-related reasons. It could be that she's hiding her because of whatever personal issues, conflicts and pain have taken place there. Or you know, to avoid bad optics, cuz #politics :D

Regarding Alder being hesitant to take on the Spree, I think, on the contrary, the guilt that would be associated with helping form them would drive one to put double the work to get rid of them. I also don't think Alder has been hesitant with dealing with the Spree. It's possible that she had perhaps underestimated them for so long that it gave them time to become powerful, and now it could be a little late to exterminate them, as a result of her ego.

---

Thank you for the asks! As always, if you would like to join the conversations on our Discord, please shoot us a DM for an invite!

[writinandcrying]

Should I stay or should I go?

tmnt x reader - Headcanon - PART 1

Link for part 2 - Donnie and Mikey

Pov: for external reasons ( your wifi wasn’t working, renovations in your apartment, hell, the whole building, pipe broke down you have no water for 3 days straight) you had to stay at the lair, it was all fun and games for the first 3-4 days, but routine had caught up with you and the turtles, you have never been that close to them for such long time. Which turtle wants you stay longer, and which one wants their space back?

not all turtles have a crush on y/n ( like, at the same time), but depending on which turtle you are reading, they have the crush on y/n (does that make sense? I hope it does )

Leo

🎏He wants you to stay

🎏( you thought I was going to say leave huh?)

🎏At first when you asked if you could stay some days at the lair he was a little bit... apprehensive? Not anxious per say, but definitely questionated if you would be comfortable, if your routines wouldn’t crash, could be keep up his “host” facade for that long?

🎏He was surprised how quiet you were, I mean, whenever everyone were at table for dinner or at game night you joked along, but during “normal activities” work, reading, studying, just, going through your day, you were so quiet. Did you not feel welcomed at the lair?

🎏Truth to be told you didn’t want to feel like a burden or a problem to them, you were already a new person in their space, so you just kept it to yourself. Took turns in who to ask something for if you need it, ( mostly tried to do stuff on your on) so no one would feel overwhelmed

🎏 Leo doesn’t want you to feel like you don’t belong, so whenever he makes tea, or it’s medication time at the dojo, he asks if you would like to join him, at first you thought it was just out of politeness, (and at first it was) but he insists so much that you give in, at some point you both get used to doing stuff together and like each others company

🎏 He loves his brothers? Yes. Loves spending time with them? Of course! But there are a certain amount of things that he would rather do with you, he feels... more comfortable doing so. Doesn’t feel pressured to put up the leader facade, to be serious all the time. he could be him with you, and there wasn’t many times that he could do that ( with master splinter he could, not all times tho. Lately there was so many foot activity going on that master wanted him to stay focused in almost all of their conversations ) so your hangouts were blissful to him

🎏he doesn’t even realize 4-5 days have gone by, when you finally get a call from your landlord that you can go back, he really wants to ask you to stay some more, not only he felt at ease talking to you, but he never slept better those last few days, for him, knowing that you were “under the same roof”, you were protected inside the lair, made him sleep so profoundly, it gave a sense of security he didn’t knew he craved.

🎏 he doesn’t have the heart to ask you tho. asking you to stay seems selfish of him, you have a life, you belong with the other humans out there, this last days with you made him feel so normal, but with that call it was like a bucket out cold icy water runing on this carapace, you both don’t belong in the same world, it was foolish to think anything like.. a relationship, could work between the both of you

🎏Leo gets so caught up in this intrusive ideas, he closes up. At first you think you did something wrong, everything was just fine minutes ago, but then maybe- just maybe, all of the tea you shared together, the shows you watched and the late night talks, was he just being nice? He didn’t want to spend all of that time with you, did he?

🎏 for the first time since you got in the lair, you felt bothersome, you pack your stuff fast, you don’t want to be a burden no longer, you say your thanks to his brothers and master splinter, apologize for any inconveniences, then when it comes to Leo, the air becomes heavier, it harder to read him, your throat tightens, you don’t know if you should thank or say sorry to him.

🎏 you tell him both

🎏 you walk alone through the sewer, moments before you got asked if you needed to be scorted, “it’s no problem” he assured, Leo was smiling but that were something in his eyes that made you question his words, you made your way as you declined his offer. It was easy to Make yourself believe it was the god awful smell that it was making your eyes water with tears

🎏 for the best days, Leo trained for hours, was harsher on patrol, at home, got more quiet than what he normally was. Everyone noticed, no one commented on it. He missed you, He wanted to you to back so bad, he wanted the late night talks, he endless laughter going on between both of you, but in no way he would tell you so.

🎏 if he only knew you wanted the same as him

Raph

🧨 he wants you to stay, but he also wants you to go... you should go

🧨 don’t get me wrong, he loves the first 2 days you are there, my god. He had never felt so powerful at his own home

🧨Raph LOVES spending time with you, you make him feel like the funniest guy around, likes working out with you, or you just admiring him while he works out, wink wink ;)

🧨 has a lot of pent up tension from watching you workout, or just simply having you watch him train and such ( he is a horny man don’t look at me) and he might or might not think of you a lot... in the shower.. in his bed.. in the middle of the night... He lives for the thrill of you being so near him but would actually DIE if you caught him- Well, u know. Anyways, he lives for your attention

🧨 he lives for it until he noticed how eco-y the lair was, and oh boy he needs to fart. Really Bad.

🧨the reason why raph wants you to go is because he needs to fart? Yes. let me tell you why:

🧨Raph cares a lot about his exterior, specially with his crush is around. in his mind he has a reputation to maintain with you, so yeah, he does NOT want to embarrass himself in front of you, plus he needs to work on mikeys sweater and he hasn’t shown to you that he actually knits ( and it’s very self conscious to do so, will you think less of him for having such a... homey- Grandma material, Hobby?)

🧨 so yes; Raph would rather die than to let it rip next to you, but he wants to so bad oh my GOOOOOOD ( mind you this is crush state, if it was a s/o of long time you will need to deal with the monstrosity that comes from his behind, sorry), when he realizes that farts arent the only thing that needs to be let out he lowkey starts to panic ( no, he did not take a dump while you were there, is raph one of those ppl who has a shy 🍑 when there’s new people are around? That cannot go outside his own home? You bet he is)

🧨he does feel more at peace knowing you are safe and sound while sleeping at the lair like Leo, but when you get a call that you can go back to your home, he is upset... and relieved( won’t show the latter until you are out at the door and he’s running to the bathroom)

🧨 will miss you, your sassy remarks, your ass, your company in general, but will only notice those feelings after reclaiming his space back

🧨Mind you when he left his mighty trone, shit was so clogged, Donnie wanted to kill him ( because obviously he is the one to fix everything around the lair)

🧨for his disdain, Mikey had revived a long lost forgotten nickname from old days: Shit blaster 3000

🧨 (Mikey had to hide for 2 hours from Raph trying to beat up his ass from bringing that name back - which stuck for 2 days, mainly cuz Donnie was so pissed at him he wouldn’t let it go of the name)

🧨 but hey, after that he asked you to stay over a lot more! Slowly he started to show more and more about him, ( the relief he felt when he finally showed you his knit projects and you loved it, he was holding up his breath the whole time) he also loves how more comfortable you got after staying those days with him them, so yeah, feel free to stay over a lot more!

🧨just, don’t stay for long periods of time

🧨 (for donnies sake)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I don’t know how I went from soft to sad Leo to sassy and fart ass raph in one Headcanon? Raph Headcanons are always so serious or u know ~sexy~, but honestly he has such comedy potential, anyways- I hope you guys enjoyed it sbfbgjkfkdks, tell me if you want me to do Donnie and mikeys!

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hiya!! Caroline Forbes for the character game, if you would be so inclined.

I am so so sorry I'm so late to this ask, but I'm hoping better late than never :) [like seriously I’m answering this a month late I am sooooo sorry!!]

First impression

My first impression of Caroline was during that scene at the grill, when she was drunk and like "I try so hard and nobody goes for me, nobody wants me, everything is a competition and I try so hard and NEVER win" to bonnie, and honestly calling myself out here, but I hated her in that moment simply bc I could see wayyyyy too much of myself in her, and I felt sort of vulnerable seeing such a blatant reflection of my deepest insecurities just sitting there in front of my eyes, but at that moment I wasnt looking to self reflect or read into it too deeply [I was there for mindless cheap entertainment] so my first basic impression I believe was to absolutely scoff at her, and I was like, I already dont like this chick, but also I was expecting her to be sort of a watered down regina george character, bc that's how they introduced her in terms of how she behaves w elena, she was supposed to be the shallow passive aggressive vapid bitch who's friendship is performative at best and toxic at worst, the way she treats Bonnie as a convenient sound board and replaceable company did not go unnoticed by me, these parts I can say I did not relate to, however I saw them for what they are, which is the makings of a headbitch mean girl who's imminent “untimely” death will not be mourned so much as alluded to constantly as a warning call and/or a cautionary tale for all the nameless dangers that are lurking in their godforsaken town, basically I expected her to die as a plot-pusher and then her death + the aftermath would've served as a convenient point of mild conflict between stelena to you know add to the "forbideness" of their relationship, so at this point all my first impressions were exactly what the writer's intended and honestly I was just waiting for her to die since it was clearly just a matter of time before that happened, but at the same time, I might not have been completely aware of this during that period of time, but the grill scene struck a chord with me and stayed with me quietly for a very long time, months later after reading several ffs and metas I can pinpoint that I was basically stuck between finding solidarity w Caroline in having the same insecurities as the character, and hating the fact that I had those insecurities at all to begin w and how vividly they were shown to me through Caroline without any restraint or cushioning.

So yeah you could say her character itself left me both vulnerable and seen at the same time so it was an odd mix of finding comfort and empathizing with this fictional character, but predominantly I was feeling.....agitated and hiding away from the truth that she represented to me; these two opposing feelings conflicted with one another constantly leaving me in a place where I mostly did not know if I liked her at all and if I didnt like her was it because she was written to be a mildly irritating side character [that I couldnt be bothered to emotionally invest in] or just because I saw too much of myself, especially the parts of me I dont particularly care for, in her to ever like her.

So yeah on one side I could say I wasnt deeply bothered [in a good or a bad way] by her, and only in passing acknowledged her to be the plot-convenient side character she was in the very beginning, but on the other hand, I somehow latently knew that it was so much more than that, and I am so so glad it was in fact the latter of the two that was true.

Impression now

Listen my impression of her now, cannot be encapsulated into a well thought out explanation of why I think so and so of her and how it affects me, but I think personally right now if you ask me what I think of Caroline, I would say I see her and I think, 

Oh I....know you, I see you everyday when I think about the kind of growth I want to have, I see myself in your past and while you may have grown I havent, but I can see it’s possible, however fictional and non-existent you are, if it’s possible for you, it’s possible for me.

[Also I just wanna add here, that in no way am I, at this moment, referring to canon!caroline directly but I am strictly thinking of the Caroline I have built in my head and the growth I projected onto her when I saw her transition from vapid blonde shallow bitchy human [and here’s the thing she wasnt vapid or shallow even in her human days but the insecurities still made her feel that way] to confident, painfully real, optimistic, loyal and so overflowingly full of love-vampire who has forgiven her past self but also loves her past self because no one thought she was worth that but Caroline Forbes thinks 16 year old Human Caroline Forbes deserves just as much love as Vampire Caroline Forbes and if no one else is brave enough, real enough to give that to her she will give it to her herself, Which to me is beautiful and resonates so deeply with me and that is exactly what I would say is my current impression of her; A girl so full of love and light, even her own shadow self cannot escape it.]

Favorite moment

Every moment she beats up a guy is my favourite moment and every time she insults Klaus with a smile on her face is also my favourite moment.

Idea for a story

Ok so I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while and I’m really excited to make it into an extensive multichap work when I do get the time, but you know how in Legacies [gag] there’s this episode where in an alternative universe where Hope doesnt exist at all, Caroline and Klaus are the cutest Enemies of the State couple to ever exist and they both are basically fucking shit up to the point where the humans wanna end the supernatural world as they know it, in legacies the reason behind the supernatural uprising was something unnecessarily sordid and stupid but I am basically thinking of something else but will lead to the same alternate universe we see in legacies, the basic premise rn is that  Klaus and Caroline are the Supreme leaders of the supernatural community and are leading them against the humans in this war that has broken out all over the world in a bid to end the supernatural world altogether, and I kind of have it outlined to take them from However Long it Takes my Last Love to let’s discuss our next strategy to over throw all opposing world governments on this table and then proceed to fuck on it.

So yeah I kinda wanna say stay tuned for that, but I wont cuz seriously I have no faith in myself lmao.

Unpopular opinion

As much as I love to criticize other characters [mostly Elena] for being hypocritical twats regarding Caroline’s choices, Caroline herself is a hypocrite multiple times through out canon, but I myself find that I am ok with that, since I never expected her to be perfect and her hypocrisy only makes her more real in my eyes since every time she is a hypocrite she is called out on it and made to face her own double standard.

Favorite relationship

I wanna say Klaus, like seriously I really really do,  but for me personally the relationship my Vampire!Caroline has with her past human self will always be the most beautiful enriching and hope giving thing.

That and also her relationship with her mom and how it finds this transformation from a place where they constantly hurt each other and are estranged from each other to a place where they try so hard to understand and love each other and finding the other to be an unmovable pillar in their life that strengthens and holds them up also resonates with me deeply.

Favorite headcanon

This one

[aminiatureworld]

HI! Quick note: write this whenever you want and be sure to take care of your health first! Your works are amazing and masterpieces take time, I can be patient <3 Hope you have a lovely day! (also, 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: trigger themes like attempts of suicide, probable hints to dissociative amnesia? I was inspired by it at least and some... Limb being bitten off as well as latest archon quest spoilers so readers be cautious!)

Anyway, I'd like to request for Xiao, Albedo, Zhongli, Kaeya and Diluc (if the number is too much you can cut off whoever from the list) with Traveller! s/o that like has no memory of their past but have clues through these... "Visions/Dreams".

It started out a little simple; every once in a while, Y/N would see these little figures floating around their environment. Shadowy wisps, sometimes ghosts talking to them. But in real life, people can't see them and only sees them talking by themselves (and some are a little weirded out). But then one day, while they were out adventuring in the ruins slimes or seelies... Whatever small cute creatures can exist in Teyvat suddenly gathered in Stormterror's lair and they grew curious cuz they heard... Music? Playing? It was echo-y and creepy but then they heard a very familiar tune that they KNOW is linked to their past so they followed and went into the vicinity

(As reference, or for some idea: https://youtu.be/JZ6buLNIgs8)

The moment they stepped inside and pinpointed where the music is coming from they bolted up the stairs (if there are any, which probs not but in reader's case there is) and suddenly the stairs lead them to a hallway from a tower/palace, and walking further, there were two huge doors that lead to a ballroom with more than dozens of ghosts waltzing and singing with the music

(No they did not question why would stormterror's lair have a hallway or how it even has a ballroom inside, nor why creatures would gather in said lair. Questions that break away from dreams are nonexistent)

So obviously they were happy at the wondrous sight and began waltzing along with everyone from strangers to... Unrecognizable but familiar faces? Until They danced with this boy their age. The more they looked the more they were enamored and the world around them was but a hazy dream (as vague and hazy the environment in their head can get) but the boy became more and more vivid and so did the music until they practically sang together. But then as the music stopped and s/o turned their back for a second; the boy sang: "And a song someone sings..." And wisps suddenly flew out of him and towards Reader, making them fall unconscious into their arms as the Prince of the Abyss sang in their ear. "Once upon a december..." Before Aether disappeared and he was but a dream.

And then all of a sudden Reader was yanked away from their dream; almost literally. They turned to see their lover holding onto their arm with concern all over their face and explained to them they were so close to the edge dancing away they could've fallen off of the third floor (which was already high!).

And that's when things get a turn to the worse.

Every dream gets worse than the last; anything that involved the abyss, or seeing these star pendants like what Paimon has on her hair or Kaeya's little decor on his clothes or involving Khaenriah or whatever Albedo's research is rn lure them into a dream vivid than the last and it gets even harder and harder to break them off their dreams. One night of going to bed they suddenly had a dream of their old family/friends swimming in the ocean and telling them to join them, and they wouldve if their lover didnt sweep them off their feet and broke away from another dream they didnt realize was 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 a dream. And the realization that if they jumped off, their bones wouldve broken cuz a bunch of boulders and rocks on a steep cliff would make a nice floor for landing right?

But still, Aether and the abyss (which in their dreams were ghosts and just... this blond guy you knew but never realized it was your brother and the abyss) are recurring themes. Coming across any of the factors instantly puts them in a dream and reader cant tell whats reality and what isnt. Everything is too vivid they didnt see a bubble coming their way or an attack coming towards them and they were about to be thrown off. It got to the point Reader was getting claustrophic from the rooms suddenly shrinking as they were cornered by these ghosts that turned frightening and whenever they fight back they end up nearly murdering someone of mindlessly attempting to destroy one of The Seven statues.

It lead Reader to be.. Kinda suicidal. Not just because they hate themselves and their situation its cuz its the 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 they knew how to escape the dream and wake up in a bed in their lovers arms. And because reader cant distinguish reality from dreams sometimes even if their lover is present they see these ghosts and think 'this must be a dream I have to wake up from!' cuz in the long run theyve learned fighting back meant hurting someone so they.. Redirected the pain to themselves so theyre very confused to see their lover throw their dagger across the room and they end up breaking down no matter where they are (or in worse cases in the middle of battle). Reader grew dependant on them and panic attacks after these dreams became more frequent until they cant even trust their surroundings whether its a dream or not.

(I'm very sorry with how long this is and I rambled in grotesque detail you may polish it however you want :"DD)

This can be in any format you'd like! But I mostly prefer headcanons + scenarios? like the bullets then comes scenario etc. But ye write however you want sorry for rambling hope you have a nice day thank you

As a Romanov history enthusiast this request was both very interesting and very difficult. Mostly because I found myself veering off into “lore dumping” for lack of a better term. Still I hope the general feeling of your request was captured well.

I spread various aspects of your request around as best I could, depending on character, outline, fic structure, etc. The only thing I didn’t keep in was the suicidal ideation. This is for various reasons, some personal, but in a more general term I think that it can be very difficult to portray something like that in a way that isn’t excessively triggering and is worthwhile to read for a variety of people. The way one person would process through such emotions and put them to paper could be harmful to another. Overall I thought it best to steer clear from such a topic, with the knowledge that I didn’t find it necessary to the story and thought it would be an imperfect addition on my part. Not that I find never addressing such topics necessarily the right path either, only I think that in this case better not to. I hope I explained why adequately. 

I know that wanting to read and write about such topics does not directly correlate to being in such a mental state but I do hope you also take care of your own mental health. Though getting out of such crises can be difficult I want to tell you this at least. You aren’t alone in feeling this way, even if others in your direct vicinity cannot understand. And also sometimes finding a direct reason for continuing on comes later. Sometimes surviving is enough. And even if you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, that doesn’t mean you should take a step which you will never be able to reverse, the only step you will never be able to reverse in your existence.

I also leaned into the Romanov family dynamic, rather into that of the traveler siblings. Whether the reader is the traveler is kept vague on purpose, as I generally as a rule don’t write the siblings. I also found that in keeping them specifically canon compliant to the traveler siblings I’d have to cut back on the more historical illusions. Being a total history nerd I chose the latter option. 

Otherwise my fics varied in complete accuracy to the prompt, though I hope you find it enjoyable to read nonetheless.

Here they are in order of Albedo, Diluc, Kaeya, Xiao, and Zhongli. I hope you find them a worthwhile read and thank you for your request. I hope you have a lovely week.

[muthaz-rapapa]

Let’s talk TroPreCure! (^∀^ 🌺)

i’m so stupidly proud of this dumb pun “tropurikyua~”, hahahahaha

Last post of the year and wow is there are lot to be excited for!

I even had to make a list for the stuff I want to talk about and I’m sure I already forgot one or two things but we’ll get to them as we continue to float~ along the wave to February 28th, mmkay? :)

Now for what has peaked my interest so far. And yes, we have to talk about the following first:

1) HealPre the shortest Precure season??

Unless they plan for double features in February (which I doubt but you never know), HealPre is likely going to reach only 45 episodes long instead of the usual 48~50 before TroPre I’m using this shortening of the title for now so if there’s a better alternative, tell me and I’ll switch out begins its broadcast.

Understandable because the producers probably want to get back to their normal scheduling as soon as possible (toy sales, y’know) and I suspect pushing the start of the new season back by a month is the most they’re willing to compromise.

As for me, I’m quite happy about this since HealPre’s lost its hold on my attention a while ago so the sooner TroPre gets here, the better. Though the downside might be a scrambled climax and a rushed, underwhelming ending for HealPre (I dunno if it’s January’s titles that feel a bit messy or if the hiatus is still throwing me off) but whatever. We’ll refresh ourselves with the new blood Cures so it’s all good.

2) Tropical movie announced for Autumn 2021, no All Stars??

(source)

First saw this mentioned on Youtube somewhere but it’s all over the fandom forums by now. I mean, HealPre’s movie is set for March, the usual time slot for All Stars release. If Toei intended for there to be an All Stars in 2021, there’s no way they would announce the seasonal movie before it so speculations of them skipping it this year are probably true.

To squeeze it somewhere between March and October-ish would force them to readjust their budgets as well and I don’t think even Toei wants to go through that extra hassle after all the trouble the pandemic’s caused for everyone already. It’s just easier to resume All Stars in 2022.

That, and I think Laura being a major character in TroPre despite not having a Cure title (yet) would make for an awkward situation when the three latest teams gather so perhaps that’s also one of the reasons. But I’ll get back to Laura in a bit.

3) Cure Summer is a RAINBOW Cure

So god help me if I see anyone calling her a Pink Cure.

Yes, she’s the lead Cure for this season. NO, she is not a Pink Cure.

Look, even the official website has a rainbow overlay for her profile pic and text font while everyone else’s respective theme colors are a solid hue:

Therefore, RAINBOW.

In promotional material and merchandising, they’re probably going to advertise her primarily with pink bah and at worst, she might occasionally be labeled as a White Cure with multiple subcolors (her outfit is not pink-dominant) but definitely NOT. PINK.

...also, this goes without saying but f***yea, we finally got a lead Cure practically and unabashedly wearing the LGBTQ flag and you cannot tell me otherwise, Toei!

Own up to it! Declare Manatsu/Cure Summer as the Precure queer icon!

I’m not gonna stop yellin’ until you do! 😠

4) Laura = obvious midseason Cure is obvious

First of all, Laura is a babe. I already love her the best and she’s not even Precure yet. <3

Anyways, the set-up is pretty much in the description. Important main character who’s not a mascot, stated to have a self-confident personality and just speaks her mind (oooh, I like~ :D), magical/foreign being from another world looking for Precure to save her home, possesses her own special item(s), has aspirations to become the next Queen (so she’s a princess-candidate or something to that effect, I suppose).

We’ve seen various combinations of these traits in past midseason (and a few starter) Cures so nobody should be surprised when we all guessed that one of the Cures would be a real live mermaid.

The only question is why not just make Laura a Cure from the get-go if she’s introduced to us at the beginning (like Hime or Lala) and having a team of five with no unnecessary extra add-ons later on (like Smile).

Well, there’s a simple answer for that: formula.

Toei is afraid that if they don’t spit out some new animation sequence at the halfway and third quarter points of the show, the kids will lose interest and abandon the series altogether. Which means failed toy sales. Oh nooo... [/sarcasm]

...Yea. 

And this way they can also have Laura available in the Cure lineup for the next All Stars in 2022 instead of making her sit the fight out if we were going to have one in 2021. I’m convinced that’s gotta be one of the reasons. *shrug*

But ok, whatever. Her debut is gonna be later, that’s all. She’s a delayed Cure.  Midseason Cure, same difference.

Moving along to the more important stuff now like what’s her Cure name gonna be, y/y?

Well, knowing Toei, a translation of the term “mermaid” into another language is the most predictable route even though we already have a Cure Mermaid. Not like that ever stopped them from repeating words before (ex. Cure Happy vs Cure Felice). Though if they do go down that road, I hope they opt for the Spanish/Italian “sirena” and not the French “sirène” because the latter sounds too close to how Cure Selene is pronounced in Japanese. And, putting it nicely, we all know Japanese pronunciation of foreign words is as off kilter as can be.

Hell, even the the Portuguese “sereia” sounds aesthetic as hell so it’d be nice if they can just remember there are other languages that exist out there besides Japanese, English and French when making the final decision at the writing table! *stomps foot* >:/

Alternatively, “nereid” or “naiad” are good choices too but they remind me too much of Greek myths and Laura’s from the Grand Ocean which covers more than just a couple of seas (Greece is surrounded by three, btw) so...

I dunno. But whatever it’s gonna be, she’s definitely got a strong association with water and her powers will probably be based on that.

As for theme color, since there’s noticeably no blue or green Cure in the starter lineup, it’s likely she will take up that spot when she debuts around ep 20.

Pink is also open since Cure Summer, again, is technically not a Pink Cure and Laura’s hair and tail fin are hot and light pink respectively but looking at Laura’s design and concept, does anyone seriously believe that?

Her upper torso consists of aquamarine while the body of her tail is definitely some shade of cyan, implying they’re aiming for somewhere around the middle of green and blue on the lighter spectrum.

And yea, I’m aware that green and blue are considered exchangeable in some perspectives with how close some of their shades are to each other but officially, I think Laura’s gonna be grouped with the Green Cures.

Cuz of the hair. If Laura’s gonna keep it the same or a similar shade after transforming, that is. The Blues have always had cool-colored hair so putting Laura in with them might disrupt that harmony whereas if you put her with the few Greens there are (including Parfait), she’d fit right in.

I mean, we’ll see but that makes the most sense, doesn’t it?

On another note, I just want to say that I love how they added frills to her arms instead of letting her elbows go bare naked. It definitely makes her look more like a genuine mermaid than if she didn’t have them (remember, half fish doesn’t mean half the body :P).

5) Magical Items

Frankly, I’m tired of seeing the transformation device being a compact again even though one of the main motifs is make-up this season. But at least, as far as Precure compacts goes, the Tropical one is my favorite cuz of how cute and delightfully colorful its toy version looks! So I guess I’m okay with it.

The Heart Rouge Rod, though? ...I dunno. I think it would’ve been fine without that...straw (?) jutting out at the top. It looks weird, doesn’t it look weird? :S

As for the collectible clip-ons, I can live without those for the rest of my life. Yeesh.

Laura’s items, the Aqua Pot and the Ocean Prism Mirror.

Again with the portable, travel-size housing. *sigh* 😩

Alright, I can let this year slide cuz Laura (I’m so soft for her, omg) probably won’t be getting legs for 20 weeks so she’s got to move about on land somehow. But unless they’re really thinking about turning this idea of carrying your apartment around in your bag/pocket/purse into a reality (cuz that would be effin’ awesome), please be more creative with your toys.

On the other hand, I’m much more interested in the Ocean Prism Mirror but from what Kusyami (the Precure merchandise reviews I follow on Youtube) said in his latest vid, this is the ED dance item so don’t know if it’ll actually have an relevance to the story or not. But I did hear him mention it having something to do with the Queen as well and since Laura wishes to become Queen, maybe it’ll be important after all? Maybe it’s her transformation device?

That’d be super cool. Let’s continue the trend of the midseason Cure having a different transformation item than the starters. Honestly, we should alternate every other year or two but we’ve gone three seasons with all of them using the same henshin gimmicks up till HealPre and I just want a break from that.

6) Fin sleeves??

These look so impractical for combat so maybe it’s exclusive to group attacks.

And/or a sort of precursor to the super forms?

*GASP* Does that mean they all eventually turn into mermaids? 🤩

7) Yui finally became Precure!! 😭

lol, it’s all crack from this point on so don’t take it too seriously but man, after Yuni’s deceptive braids, I thought I wasn’t gonna see anything that reminded me of Yui for a while and lo behold, Sango.

kehehehehehe xD;

Though Yui might be closer to Minori in terms of personal interests (fairytales and storybooks).

8) Akira, the actual Onee-chan version

I didn’t think this when I first saw her but once I read “Onee-san” in her profile, there’s no saving you now. Sorry, Asuka. 😅

Also, damn, do her sandals make her feet look big! Compare them to the heels she wears as Flamingo. Are they even the same?! lololol

9) ...this sounds awfully familiar...

Translation:

Tokimeku Tokonatsu! [Exciting/Thrilling Everlasting Summer!] Cure Summer! Kirameku Hoseki! [Sparkling Jewel!] Cure Coral!  Hirameku Fuurutsu! [Flashing Fruit!] Cure Papaya!

Japanese reiteration:

Mallow/Mao: Pink no tokimeki! Lillie: Blue no kirameki! Lana/Suiren: Yellow no kagayaki!

….........

@Toei 

Care to explain yourselves, punks?! 

୧(ʘ ∀ ʘ ╬)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

[theravenclawmonster]

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 2 of dunno how many)

The previous post of this series of posts can be found in this link post 1

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to) [yes, this is the same in all posts in series]

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post. 

Okay, where was i? The first visit to the doctor. I had my tests done and bought the acidity medicine and the vitamins he suggested (i had already started to take vitamins again since a couple of weeks before, he just added folic acid to that. I also have a bit of an issue with vitamins and people telling me to eat them indicating that all will be well after that; but more about that later). in the pharmacy, my mother was pretty upset with me cuz i kicked her out of the room and told me some stuff i don’t want to remember right now. ummm... basically she said “ why did you ask me to leave, what secret were you going to tell the doctor? what did you tell him we did to you? i know what you think about me. you could have just said it all in front of me. what was with all the secrecy” [funnily enough, although i did ask her to leave, my reason was cuz i can’t really speak in front of her (she interrupts a lot too) and i was worried that i’d cry and didn’t want to hear about it for another 6 months. there was no secret or i didn’t even think about mentioning the abuse, cuz how do you just go to a stranger and say “ hi i am in pain and my parents abuse me”. even asking for help for my pain was demanding enough for me.] . she also “informed” me very angrily that the it wasn’t allowed for a woman to be alone with a male doc, a nurse must be present (which was not present) and that is probably why doc didn’t do the proper physical checkup. Well! he should have (if he thought an extensive one was necessary; he did check my breathing and stomach softness), called a nurse in or my mother in. i didn’t have any issues with him doing my physical checkup alone too.  and he didn’t mention anything about that to me at all.

Anyway, I went back thinking God knows how long was this process was going to take and if i had the energy to fight for myself and make people believe that i was actually in a lot of pain. the reports came back fine (the expensive test one too, to much displeasure of my father “but this came back fine, so expensive for no use. why did he even write that test?” as if it would have been somehow better to get a positive test back for a disease?! I really don’t know how his mind works. By the time all reports were in, it was time for my appointment at the psychiatrist and it was decided to go to her first, then on our way back show the reports to our primary doc. that way we could also talk to him about what she said.

Oh wait, i forgot to mention in my last post. the doctor only suggested the psychiatrist and later sent me her number saying that i have told her about you please take an appointment. i had to call her and i asked about her fees which she very nicely said would be discounted and that helping me and understanding what was stressing me was more important. I felt so weird then, i don’t really hear these type of things very often.... or almost ever. 

going to the clinic was easy enough, of course my mother and father accompanied me. and my mother did follow in. [let me just add that i only remember about half of what happened so...] the doctor ( hereby referred to as Psy lady) asked me “so, how are you?” and i said “ i’m good *smiled awkwardly as she realised that was not what she meant to ask*. she was like okay, how do you feel and what do you want to discuss me with. so i just sat there like a dumbass. then i asked her how much the other doc told her about me. she said it was just that you are his patient and needs psychiatric help in his opinion.

I am just going to make a dialogue format written account for that and the next doctor’s visit as this seems way too confusing.

At that time (not sure) my mother interrupted;

Mother: *turned to me* “if you don’t mind may i tell her the history etc” *in pointed politeness*

Me: “ok.”

Mother: *launched from how i was such a brilliant smiling child and wanted to take this scholarship abroad but she said no* *went off a long tangent about how she was just being a nice worried parent in controlling my life and now feels guilty cuz i can’t let it go* *finished by saying* “Dr., she just can’t forget that, she is stressed no job plus the lock down etc you know how it is. then she found out she has scoliosis in january and i think she has taken it to heart, like really it is completely asymptomatic and i have asked the doc she won’t have any problems cuz of it in the future” (i am guessing she meant having babies but really who knows) “she has just taken stress over that”.

Psy lady : *scribbled something on her paper* “My i have some time alone with her?”

Mother: “yes yes sure” *left* 

Psy lady : “so tell me a bit about yourself.”

Me: *was still fuming and recoiling and shaking in my seat cuz i just don’t understand until how long is my mother going to throw that in my face. it has been years and i wasn’t even that upset about it (at least i just quietly internalized it) but she refused, controlled my life (since birth btw and still does now) and not even let me do anything else i want to do, nor find a job, then proceeded to throw her ‘oh i feel so guilty, i am such a good parent. i have commited a crime by being caring and now i must be punished oh!’ at me. Like where am i in all that? you say no, you control, your guilt, your love, your care, your image as a parent that must never be broken. where am i in all that? ALSO you never listen to my complains about pain so shut up* 

Psy lady: ...

Me: “umm... hi... i umm never had a dream, but then i found this thing in my mid-twenties and i loved it, but they didn’t let me pursue it, then didn’t let me do anything. and now they act like i am a burden on them. now i have nothing to do or like, and i can’t even find a job or have anywhere to go. i don’t even really wanna die, i am just tired” *burst into tears yet again as i realized i had no idea why i was telling her all that and it felt so fake and story like at the same time*    “... i can’t even breathe and i am in so much pain all the time that i feel like detached from my body cuz every time i try to be in it it fucking hurts.”

Psy lady: “are your parents always this much controlling” *pointed to the door indicating my mother*

Me: “they are emotionally abusive”

Psy lady: *had been looking into my eyes but looked away at the word abusive and didn’t say anything*

Me: *continued after a little shock that i actually said it out loud* “I can’t walk, my knees hurt” *tried to repeat almost all that was possible from the previous doc*   *also told her about feeling dissociative and explained a bit how that feels for me* * told her all about how i was fine in dragging me through life but now that my body has suddenly collapsed (where as before it was just emotional pain and numbness and occasional body pains in back and stuff nothing too overwhelming or maybe i was mentally strong to ignore it) i feel very scared and lost. I was dealing with everything fine on my own even when i felt like dying but now i cant handle anything, i can’t even act in front of others; something i am exceptionally good at* *talked about lowered brain function, slowness, low blood pressure, no energy suddenly, not being able to retain information or remember anything, not having a concept of time and memory*

Psy lady: *explained about DPDR disorder and asked me about sleep eating etc.*

Me: *repeated the same: loved sleep can’t now, loved eating can’t now* 

After some time of explaining asking and answering, she said that i have depression and what happens is that our brain stops making certain chemicals and to get it to make them again we have 2 options. one is medicine; the other is motivation and exercises. it seems like the latter would be hard for me (and i confirmed that i infact cannot walk or do almost anything and exercise is too painful cuz pain everywhere) she said that the best route in my situation is to start the medicine for some weeks (she said she’d not give them for more than 4 months; whole course including tapering them out) and explained that the medicines were very safe and answered all my queries about dependency on them or side effects etc. I said if that is what she thinks would be best and if taking them means i could feel alive again and my brain function would return to normal.

she then asked me to bring my mother back in. she explained the medicines to her and said i have diagnosed her with MDD. My mother asked what is that. She said Moderate Depressive disorder. my mother asked if the medicine was necessary. she  said yes, and to not worry as these were safe and she’s only giving to get me started and pull me out of this extreme state, only for a short time. she also said that come back after 10 days of eating these, so we can see the effect and the side effects if any, and that day she’d also get me an appointment for a psychologist who worked in the same clinic as she thinks it would help me immensely. we agreed. took the medicine and left for the doc no. 1′s clinic. My mother didn’t say anything.

we reached his office and throughout the short car ride and while sitting there waiting for my turn, i was feeling very... accomplished? enthusiastic? Dunno... I was just trying not to cry cuz i finally had it written on paper, i was finally diagnosed, i had finally gotten help. yes, it was only a start and i don’t know much about how doctors work diagnosis and how much more can be added in future visits but it was a start. i finally did something to actually help me.

Finally, our turn came. we showed him the reports and told him what she said and prescribed. My mother asked him if the meds were necessary. 

doc: “yeah they really believe in starting meds right away.”

mother: “I don’t want her to take them, it’s like giving up. she can use her will power and get better right?” [she also added something very weird like ‘these stamps (mental disorders diagnosed on paper) are not good for a woman’ or something along this line]

Doc: “yes she can. i too would suggest she do that.”

Mother: *went off on a long tangent about how when she was my age she had depression after having my older sister. but she will-powered through it and didn’t take the meds etc*

doc: “yes i agree, but it really depends on her is she willing to do it” *in a tone that suggested that i should say yes immediately and will-power though life*

Me: * realizing no one is listening to me* “doctor, can you please talk with the Psy lady and ask her if they are necessary in her opinion cuz i have no will left to power though with.”

Doc: “okay.” *called her and talked right then* * told her that he thinks it would be better to willpower through it?

Mother: “well she can will-power through right?”

Doc: “well the Psy lady said that she has been powering through with her will power for years; she has none left anymore. so she thinks that meds are the best option and besides” *looked at the prescription again* “these meds are not addictive and very safe.”

Mother: * insisted on no meds for 15 more minutes and had a long discussion with doc about praying, watching motivational speakers and what not*

doc: *joined in enthusiastically*

Me: *stared into the distance and stops listening with my wobbly neck and painful back*

Doc: “well she is not even listening. can you do it? exercise?”

me: “no it hurts, as i have explained before, not like the yayy muscle cramping up cuz i worked out way and i will love exercise in 2 weeks time way. No! the tendons hurt the bones hurt the joints hurt extremely painfully and it increases with time, even after 2-3 weeks it doesn’t get better.”

Doc: “okay, how about friends? social life? what do you do at home etc”

Me: “my friends are not here, i never made new ones. no social life. even when i was going to class before the lock down, it was from home to uni, uni to home. had no friends there. and i did walked in uni for about half an hour or even more but it hurt in the beginning, i thought okay, cramps (although my knees and heels were very painful too) but it almost felt like it got better (the cramps part) but then it got way worse and after a month i couldn’t walk for more than 10 minutes at a very slow painful speed.”

Doc: *asked about pets, anything that would suggest i was a living being with a life*

Me: “pets are not allowed and so is leaving the house by myself.”

Mother: *interjected* “we have never restricted her for anything.”

By this time, i had frankly given up and i don’t remember what happened next or where the conversation went. just remember something along the lines of “ for these 10-15 days before the next Psy lady appointment, let her do whatever she likes to, don’t ask her don’t control her. let her start up her social life again. she needs to be around friends and the things she can enjoy” something like this. to which my mother said very confidently “sure whatever she wants to do”

then, we left his office and in the car she told me to “not eat the meds as we have ‘now discussed it with your doctor”

this is getting way longer. i think i’d make one more post about it, or maybe one more after that for bits that i forgot. this post seems so badly written upon second inspection. this is not even the 40% of what happened but i don’t remember what happened exactly, or even the timeline.

The third and hopefully last post of this series can be found here post 3

[ofieugogyshz]

Notebook, television, shotgun!

this got long so rm’d

Notebook; How do you and your F/O(s) get your thoughts and feeling out, if not with words?

Lance is better at using his words than I am. Like, I mean, I can craft with words, but like, actually say them? oh man that’s a whole fuck. Well, actually, I guess it depends on the emotion behind the thoughts. Because I mean, I’m still mostly just ASKDJSKHDS when it’s a happy emotion but he can tell by the occasional babbling what feeling I’m trying to convey :P But when it comes to something like... frustration/sadness? Oh my god I am so emotionally constipated that I’ve BARELY been working on talking through my emotions and it’s hard so sometimes it winds up being something like typing/writing it out, even if he’s just right in front of me, and he’s okay with that, because he know how hard it’s been my entire god damn life to express myself and other issues there. He knows, and we’ve just. learned that it’s easier if I’m getting choked up to let me use the pen, so to speak

When I’m angry though.... I’m very vocal about that kldsjfkfjdk the amount of times he’s tried to calm me down before my medication..... please get this man a reward for being such a saint.

when it comes to him though, like... He secludes away for any sort of negative emotion. He’s already a pretty private person as it is, and he feels like he has responsibility to set a good example as someone who’ll wind up leading the clan, and... That’s a lot already. So when stress comes to head, he’ll go off somewhere by himself. He’ll often text me/let me know that he needs time by himself, because if he doesn’t, I’ll be blowing up the phone (mostly for my usual talky shenanigans, but if I’m aware that he’s somewhere not feeling well, then... I will still be trying to open up) Depending on what kind of bad it is, I’ll take a page out of his book and go spend time with him, let him know I’m there by actually being there. Because he’s always been there for me. It’s my turn to be there for him.

But for good/positive emotions.... He’ll smile, he’ll open up a bit more, he’ll become more relaxed/talkative? if that makes sense? like, less formal/professional speech. I mean he still very much has that tone regardless bc it’s just. part of who he is now, but like. He’ll express it, he’ll try to verbalize it, if it’s romantic he WILL verbalize it. Love involves a lot of affection and actions and words; making sure that I know that I’m loved as many ways as possible. I just. don’t know how to words it? Like he’ll tell me, he’ll give me affection, he knows because we’ve talked about it and figured it out, the ways that my brain feels lacking.... and I will admit that I kind of haven’t paid attention to how he communicates care for others. But... looking at his Pokemon, I definitely think spending time and being patient with hurt people, talking to them, trying to remind them that he’s there and that things are okay now... like. I’m veering off entirely from the original point of the question. but that’s okay cuz it’s my blog and i get to make the rules. Like... even with Silver in the Masters event! He talks with Silver, mentions that it’s been awhile since they’ve “talked like this”, presumably spending time together, being patient and helpful...

oh my god i can’t believe I forgot helpfulness. 

anyways uhhh i need to leave room for the other questions fjksjhd so i’m gonna cut it off here now.

Television; How do you and your F/O(s) keep up with what’s happening in the world?

I.... don’t. I’m too burnt out. He, on the other hand, reads/watches the news, reports, etc. If it’s something that he’s going to get involved with [either as champion or with the pokemon g-men], he researches it. Sometimes he’ll let me know about something that he found interesting or think I would find interesting but.... I basically wind up with the same thing plastered over my twitter timeline 2000x and after that you just. kind of stop caring. I don’t know how my husband does it. bigger heart ig?

Shotgun; Which of you is the most aggressive when it comes to inconvenience and confrontation? Have you ever got physically violent with another party?

I... oh. this is loaded in maaaaaany different ways. So, like. On a personal, no outer world risk level, I’m... very. very aggressive. not as much as I used to be since getting on mood stabilizers [thank stars] but. i’m still. Aggressive. But I also don’t do confrontations because i’m a crybaby and my history of confrontations involved... less than good reasons and dismissive reactions, so I tend to just. avoid it as well. LOL;;;  My husband, on the other hand, isn’t aggressive about small annoyances like that? and he’s pretty good about confrontations! so i have him tell people to stop being noisy and giving me headaches. When it’s not threatening the safety of others, he’s very calm and direct in his confrontations and handles situations pretty well, imo...

Now, uh, for the latter half...! I have not gotten violent with people, but i’ve also only every been that angry that I was afraid I was going to throw something like.... once or twice in my life, and I made sure I went on what wound up a LONG ASS WALK for like an hour with the subject of my anger so I could yell at them about what happened. I mean, I’ve thought violent thoughts about people, and there is one who I wish the utmost ill upon that would make other forms of torture look tame, but I’ve also never been in a state where I could do anything about it.........

My husband has had to uh, apprehend people with a Hyper Beam or two though. But it was for their own good! god how different my life could have been if he could have come in and saved me from all that... I know he wouldn’t’ve stood for all of that... esp if I thought it was unfair, and he’s got the stronger set of morals between the two of us. He honestly only does it if he ever really has to. And, unfortunately, with some thieves and evil organizations, force is necessary. He does try to reason with Archie when he gets possessed by the (blue?) orb, but unfortunately he’s so far gone that it doesn’t work, so force becomes necessary. And Team Rocket... well, they’re team rocket, they’ve done worse things to Pokemon than a Hyper Beam. They’ll live. 

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Eighty-Seven: She’s Better Than That ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto ] [ SasuHina, NaruSaku ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

Given his popularity through high school, Sasuke’s been used to people trying to cozy up to him for all the wrong reasons. Especially girls. Even someone like Sakura - who chased him (and drove him up the wall) since their first years of elementary school only gave up in the latter parts of high school. Students would come and go, and with them would be an almost inevitable crush on the moody, broody dark-haired Uchiha.

His brother had suffered the same fate when he was in high school, having to brush admirers aside since he was young. Though...of course, Itachi had been a bit more gentle and polite about it. Nowadays, Sasuke is all but rude depending on the circumstances. While most advances are brushed off with just some light exasperation, others take a more...firm approach.

And lately...he’s needed all the more reason to keep them aside.

Ever since Hinata approached him, he’s been...unsure what to think. He’d been keeping his admiration of her secret for so long, knowing she was so attached to his dumbass best friend. Then he let it slip that day after practice...and she’d given him that odd look. When she actually showed up to his game - even after her bike got a flat - he was pretty taken aback. And of course it was his mother who ended up giving her a lift.

Then, well...he got smacked in the face with a flyaway bat, and she’d just happened to be there to see it and take him to the nurse. He’d never been so embarrassed in his life...but at least she didn’t seem to think he was an idiot. She was just...worried.

And just a few days ago, she actually waited for him after practice, making small talk before...asking if he’d like to go out. Needless to say, he’d been completely blindsided. Her getting over Naruto apparently went a lot easier for her than he thought.

But then again...it sounded like she’d been slowly dwindling hope on the prospect, anyway. Still, for her to make the first move? With how shy he knows her to be? It honestly impressed him.

...and now he’s not sure what to do.

There’s not much of their senior year left, now. He hasn’t asked her what her plans are. His own are just to go to the local university a few cities over and major in business while also (hopefully) playing baseball. Hinata has played volleyball and tennis all four years, but she hasn’t mentioned if she’ll pursue it after high school...or anything about what she’ll do.

...he’s worried they might end up apart so quickly after finally making it together.

Sure, they don’t know each other that well yet, but...he’s always admired her from afar. Soft-spoken, kind, smart, and ridiculously adorable. To say that he’s smitten is putting it lightly. On his side of things, at least, he knows he’s pretty serious. Hinata, on the other hand, hasn’t really seen him the way he’s seen her until...pretty recently. Her attention has been elsewhere for quite some time.

So, he’s been paranoid about what they’ll do once Summer is over. Or even the school year itself, depending on her plans. What if she doesn’t end up feeling as strongly as he does? What if she slips through his fingers?

...he’s not sure what he’d do. He’s had so much ill luck with girls, he doesn’t want this one chance that he wants to pass him by…!

And eventually, someone notices his melancholy.

“What’s been up with you, dude?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been mopey. Well...I mean, more than usual,” Naruto replies, hopping up on the brick wall out front of the school beside his friend. A bag of chips is clenched between his teeth as he settles himself.

Sasuke wrinkles his nose. “...we have a game tomorrow. You’re really gonna put that garbage in your gut?”

“What? Nothin’ wrong with it! I’ll be fine - I eat crap all the time and never feel it!”

“...that habit’s going to bite you in the ass in a few years,” the Uchiha mutters.

“Now quit tryin’ to change the subject! What’s eatin’ you, dude?”

“Just...thinking a lot lately.”

“Well yeah, I figured. What about?”

“...the end of the year.”

“Aww, you gonna miss me?”

Sasuke deadpans.

“M’just kiddin’! Seriously...what’s wrong? I haven’t seen you look this out of it in a while.”

Sighing, Sasuke runs a hand back through his hair. “...Hinata asked me out the other day.”

Just stuffing chips in his mouth, Naruto suddenly blows a shower of food out over the sidewalk as he chokes, struggling to breathe. “S...she w-what?”

“Yeah. Just straight up asked me.”

“Well...what did you say?”

“I said sure. We haven’t had any time yet with practice and homework, but we’re thinking maybe this weekend.”

Blues blink, regarding his friend with a furrowed brow. “...okay. So...why’re you so glum if you’ve got a date? Got cold feet or somethin’?”

“No! No, that’s not it. I just…” He sighs, burying his face in his hands. “...look. I’ve liked Hinata for a long time. For like...all of high school.”

“Whoa...I had no idea.”

“Cuz I didn’t want anyone to know. She’s liked you for so long, I just...didn’t want to say anything. And now I might actually have, like...a chance. But…”

“But what?”

“But I dunno what’s gonna happen when we graduate! We haven’t talked about Summer plans, or college, or...anything.”

“Well, I mean...you haven’t even been on a date yet. Kinda jumpin’ the gun, aren’t ya?” When Sasuke doesn’t reply, Naruto hesitates. “...you like her that much…?”

“...yeah.”

“...well shit.” Setting his snack aside, Naruto goes quiet, thinking. “...you sure she’s not, uh...y’know…”

“...what?”

“It’s just...I mean, you said it yourself, right? She’s been on my tail for a long time! I just...don’t want you chasing someone who’s just...settling for you.”

At that, Sasuke’s expression quickly hardens. “No. That’s not how it is.”

“...but -?”

“Hinata’s not like that. She’s better than that! If she didn’t think this would work, she wouldn’t have asked me. She’s not settling -!”

“Okay, okay! I just...was worried, that’s all. You’re my best friend, dude. I wanna be sure you’re only using your time on someone who deserves you.”

“...I’m not worried about that.”

“...all right. Well…” The blond sighs, rubbing the back of his head in thought. “...maybe you can talk to her when you get together. Just kinda, y’know...casually bring it up. See what she says. I dunno if she’d be kinda freaked out if you suddenly started planning out your college choice because of her when you’re both still new to this, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. You’re right, I’ll just...ease into it. Try to be nonchalant. See how it goes from there.”

After a pause, Naruto can’t help a grin and a snicker. At Sasuke’s questioning glance, he admits, “Never thought it’d be you comin’ to me for dating advice, huh?”

Sasuke’s face sours. “Hey, I didn’t come to you, you just showed up! And I...needed to vent. Don’t get it twisted.”

“Yeah, yeah...well, I bet it’ll be fine. If Hinata’s as good of a person as you seem to think she is, then you’ve got nothin’ to worry about. Have your date, test the waters, and see how it goes. Just don’t start talkin’ about moving in together and havin’ kids, okay?”

“As if!” Sasuke rebukes, going a bit red in the face.

The pair then fall into a thoughtful silence.

“So...you ever ask Sakura out?”

“Yeah, like a thousand times!”

“I mean recently.”

Sipping his soda and pouting, Naruto mumbles, “...I was gonna wait until we win the game tomorrow. Y’know, since we’ll be goin’ to state that way. Maybe it’ll, I dunno...help change her mind.”

“...well I hope she says yes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’ve liked her a long time, man. Maybe we’ll both have better luck this time around.”

Naruto blinks. “...it’d be nice.”

“...well, speaking off, I better get home,” Sasuke then offers, hopping off the wall. “I gotta get my homework done and get to bed early so I’m not tired for the game.”

“Hey, you wanna do mine, too?”

“Yeah, right. Just go home and do it! There’s only a few more weeks left, you can tough it out, dude.”

The blond pouts. “Yeah, yeah...see ya tomorrow.”

“Later.” Hands in his pockets, Sasuke makes his way around to the parking lot, mind still abuzz with what-ifs. Maddening, he knows...but he just can’t help it.

...Hinata’s a nice person. He’s sure she’ll take it well. He’s just, well...a little afraid. This is his first time opening up like this, after all. He wants to do it right...and hopefully not have to deal with the fallout of things going south.

...he has a plan. Now to just...execute it.

                                                           .oOo.

     (This is a sequel to days 149, 168, 183, and 271!)      More sportsverse! Not...very much sports in this one, or even Hinata, but it's more of a like...transitional piece.      I wanna say I've tackled this notion (Hinata 'settling' for Sasuke) before, but it was in the canon AU verse I write, so...different context, lol - and Sasuke's not about to stand for it here, either. I don't think Naruto means anything by it, he just wants to be sure Sasuke's feelings aren't one-sided. He's just trying to be a bro!      Buuut, on that note, I reallllly need some sleep. I'm still two days behind and likely will be for...quite some time. At least through October with my other fanfic challenge going on. And irl has been...rough ^^; So thank you guys for your patience. One way or another, we'll make it to the end of the year, I promise! Some might just...be a lil late. We'll see~ But either way, thanks for reading!

[pcdl6]

Every Eldian is fucked—rant on Eldians'future in AOT world after 120

Note: Everything in this rant assumes that Eren's dead. Like, dead dead, cannot revive kind of dead. And no PATH stuff is involved in my rant cuz the whole PATH stuff is still not clear, so I simply assumed Eren's plan is not working or will not work.

Which means this theory will fall apart faster than Eren’s death.

Also, English is my second language, so please feel free to correct me if there are any grammatic errors. And please, if there is any idea you don’t agree, debate with me. I really like to chat about different perspectives.

TL;DR: Eldians are fucked. Marley may or may not be fucked.

"In your haste to save the world, take care you don't destroy it."—Archiles, Assassin's Creed III

It's not a surprise that Eren's plan is not gonna work, and the end game is either the world or Eldians are fucked. This is my speculation on what will happen after the death of Eren.

Assuming there is no magical PATH happens, Eren is dead in the real world. I think Yams want it to go this way.

Paradise Island

Since the Yeagerists oversee the island, and all the military high-ups are either titans or MIA, the death of Eren has to hit harder for the Paradisians. Using the Founding Titan may be their only way to defend the island, especially when all titans roam outside the walls are dead. As mentioned by the Owl, the titans also serve as protection to the Paradisians. Note that I did not count the new ones because we don’t know how many of them were turned.

With the world alliance right outside the walls, the only way for Paradisians to survive is to either surrender or rely on titan power. Isn't the latter choice ironic? But for them to survive, it might be the only way. The chance for peace was gone after chapter 101 and 102, and I don’t think the World will give the Wallidans another chance, and it may extend to the other continental Eldians. As a reader, I know the Eldians are human just like I do. Now imagine a race that looks like humans, but they can transform into the most devastating cannibal monsters. I don’t think this is a resolvable problem, not even in our world. It's not only a "simple" problem with discrimination and racism, but the non-Eldians are facing a different type of human that can become monster and endanger others around. Even with the PATH cut off from all the Eldians, it's hard to believe they are harmless, as the what-ifs are too strong in this case, and the fear that comes with the unknown makes the Eldians harder to trust. As Maslow's hierarchy of needs shows, the need for safety is a part of basic need. Hence, I think the world will not accept the Eldians even as they lost their titanization ability.

This leaves the Paradisians with the only choice: to fight.

Now I can go back to my point: every Eldian is fucked, that includes the Paradisians. With Eren dead, the FT power may randomly distribute to a new-born baby. I don’t buy the theory of it being in Historia's baby, simply because I think it's a cheap way of telling a story, and it sounds too much like a fairy-tale—something that Yams rarely tells. Yes, he pulls out Ex Machinima here and there, but he usually explains that (which I usually buy, so I'm pretty biased in this). It's impossible to control the Wall Titans without the FT, and considering the technology outside the walls, I think it's impossible to fight off the world alliance, with only the Yeagerist (who are mostly cadets and newbies) and few that did not turn to titan to fight off the world. SNK is not a one-man-army story, and although the two Ackermans are Paradisians, with Levi gravely injured and Mikasa may be protected by the Hizurus, I don’t think they are up to it.

Note: Here is a dark thought for the Pardisians to fight back the world army, if the current battle in Shiganshina does not destroy the island first.

This panel still was not explained since episode 107. The titans have protected the Paradisians before, and they are still transformable Eldians…

What Paradisians can do is to rally a hundred, or thousands of them to face the incoming army, and simply inject or drink or spread mist among themselves to transfer to titans.

It could be efficient and only at the cost of a few hundred to thousands of Paradisians. Better than the whole population being wiped out from the surface of Earth, right?

----------------------------

Although there is still some way for the Paradisians to fight back, this is still not a completely safe plan. First, the resources. From our own world, it's pretty obvious that having resources is a crime. Then there is Paradise island constantly being a threat to the world, especially after they've fought back the world army. Lastly, well, to unit the world, a common enemy is needed—still, real-world example. And the advancing technology will storm the titans in the future, as it already showed in the Marley Arc. So, even if the Paradisians can fight back now, they can never hold that long—especially they've shown the world how dangerous the Titans still are, I think this threat will accelerate SNK world's technology against the titans greatly. A combination of all the above, I think Paradise will be in a dangerous place, with not much time left for them.

And with the Paradise lost, the continental Eldians will eventually perish.

Fighting back or not, the world has no place for the Eldians anymore.

Marley

This is not about the Eldians in Marley, but the country Marley itself. As Magath and Willy stated in the Marley Arc, Marley has enemies around the world, as it dragged itself into "a self-destructing march of war". If what the Tybur family exclaim is correct, I wonder if the six titans are left intentionally with Marley by King Karl Fritz. And if that's correct, the Marley may have their militarism march for about a century, trampling their enemies with the six titans. The titan power was absolute for the old world, so the other countries could not stop Marley. I think they only dare to counter-attack as an alliance and wait until Marley slip-up in their titans. This is reflected in the four-years war against the Middle-Eastern Alliance—they knew the Marleyans lost the CT and Female at the Island, so they took the opportunity.

...and they still failed.

---------------------------------

Back to current arc, the Warriors of Marley are all out for the battle of Shinganshina 2.0, and what is the status of the Marleyan Titans now? CT and female have gone. WH has gone, along with almost all the Tybur family (who are probably the only Eldian representatives now). The beast titan defected, and Marley lost one of their tactical weapon—"titan bomb", resulting from Zeke's Royal Blood. The more experienced Jaws was gone, replaced by (yet another) 12-yo kid. Only two experienced titan holders left, with one of them is currently facing an Ackerman and the FT that they are supposed to retrieve died… I don’t think everything will go well with Marley.

Willy Tybur knows this.

FT is the last way for Marley to use the last of Eldians before the technology catches up, and without FT, both are doomed.

I think, even if the Warriors managed to win the battle of Shinganshina 2.0 at this stage (FT gone), the world alliance will change course for Marley. Why? Because Marley is an invader who just lost their tool for invasion; its leader just changed drastically; it is recovering from a previous battle. When is a better time to wipe out a potential threat to the country than now? I'm not sure if Marley can stand a full-on attack from the world, especially at this stage, with its Warriors mostly gone and no way to titanize the Eldians.

I think, with Marley gone, the Eldians will follow soon. First, due to the reasons I laid out above. Second, the Eldians are going to be denounced of human right, and from Udo's words on intermittent zones outside Marley and the Warrior's little tea party, I think it is true—if Marley is no longer powerful, the Eldians will suffer from it. Result? Genocide.

Thank Yams for more of these ironies.

History has no place for Marley now, just like their Titans.

[eallisnwndrlnd]

Moving On From 2018

One thing I can say that I love about New Years is that it’s like life feels like it gave you a bit of a reset button. Not erasing anything but at least working towards improving what you did or didn’t do the past year. I definitely need that reset for this past year 2018. 

Most of the year was in a bit of a stressful blur. I’m not going to bother reflecting on my previous New Years post since most of what I had hoped to come into fruition didn’t. All I can say is despite my battle with my depression and anxiety being the major factor in my stressed out year, I managed to accomplish some things. May not have been most of what I had planned but hey, that’s life sometimes. 

This past 2018 I completed my 3rd year, completed my internship hours and my first semester of my last school year in college. 

Even if I didn’t get in any of the companies I may have wished for my internship, I was lucky to find a company where I had a chance to utilize my skills and creativity in my writing and photography. It was pretty stressful initially when I was not getting any response from any of the fifteen companies I applied to. Thankfully it all worked out in the end. I even had fun and made it feel like a vacation with a classmate that became roommate and friend. I was feeling less claustrophobic when I was in our shared apartment in BGC, Taguig, away from the many reasons for my stress and anxiety. I was able to let myself forget about it at least during those short two months during break. 

Going straight into the start of 4th year with unresolved issues and things that needed to be done, my stress and anxiety kicked into overdrive as schoolwork and personal issues at home gradually stacked up against me. By the end of the semester I was completely wound tight and sensitive as hell where I felt at any moment I could break. There were some close calls close to the end that’s for sure. Especially with some family drama that nearly buried me in an emotional quicksand. I ended up breaking down in front of my teacher for thesis because I thoroughly let myself down on that one. I was in no shape to complete it in time for the scheduled defense that was a few weeks ago. When it all comes down to it, no one is harder on me than myself. I put the high expectations on me and when I don’t meet them or make a mistake or complete it short of perfection, I dwell on it to no end. Then there was the matter of film and theatre class, where if I were back home, I may have enjoyed and been extremely enthusiastic about but alas due to my poor fluency in Tagalog I wasn’t able to truly be a part of the major projects we had to complete. I ended up taking roles that were so far away from what I really wanted to contribute but as the stories were in a language and culture that I still didn’t fully understand, I was in no way able to contribute in the way I would have wanted to anyway.(One of the brighter spots of film was being able to share some of my favorite films of all time and also participate in our groups documentary on a Badjao community despite being in pain and sick more than half the time. Seeing and meeting some of the people with their strength and courage and determination despite their hardships, really helps one put things in perspective.) With the organizations I am a part of, even if I had a minor role in all three, I still didn’t feel up to the task. I really kind of played dead dog for most of my responsibilities in ISO. 

Honestly, this semester and even last semester, I felt myself ever so slightly detach from everything and kind of just mechanically go through the motions just managing to barrel through out of sheer need to complete my four years in college, do well and graduate. This semester is the first time in over four years where I found myself nearly having an anxiety attack. Not once, but three times. Once during debate when my brain refused to memorize my speech and then I fucked up completely during the recitation for my midterms. (I’m just thankful that my written speech helped me pick my grade up for that. Writer I may be, but speaker I sorely am not) It didn’t help that I still get a bit of stage fright every once in a while. Then the second was when my cousin messaged me about my mother having a schizophrenic episode and that it was causing drama and issues. The third one was during one of our theatre rehearsals and that one had no initial trigger except my stupid bronchitis that refused to go away that came out of a cold that has lasted frakking forever. Toss in several emotional breakdowns and smoking a ciggy after three years ciggy free and I could say I was down for the count. These past holidays of Thanksgiving and then Christmas were kind of meh considering I was sick for the first one and ma and I both were sick for the latter. But I pretty much had been sick on and off all this past semester and throw in my fibromyalgia kicking in worse than its been in the past four years, bringing spasms of pain that brought me to tears and bouts of insomnia this entire past year, 2018 brought more pain in more ways than one than anything else. I’m just thankful my ma, pop and family and friends (and my possessed cat, Gandalf) are still healthy and those that aren’t so much are on the road to being so, hopefully soon. 

This new year 2019 is hopefully the year where I finally meet one of my lifetime goals of graduating and getting a college degree. After so much work and sacrifice not only from me but my parents, I need to reach that goal. I will be starting my fourth year second semester at the end of this month but before that hopefully will have completed our final film and theatre projects as well as getting some traction in completing my thesis that is now not a solo one as I included three classmates to be a part of it. At the end of the day, even if I had wanted my thesis, that I started with on my own, to be solely mine, I had to consider my health both mentally and physically which became the deciding factor in no longer trying to push myself in such a way that would’ve hurt me rather than help. As I near graduation, I will set out in determining what I want to do afterwards. Whether I stay here (that’s only if I get an opportunity down the road) or go back to the States or go to another country has yet to be determined. If I were to go back to the States, I’d then have to decide which state I’d be moving to. Or rather, WE would be moving to. We as in me and mother. Yes, my mom is a big factor in my decision. She has to be, there’s no point deluding myself that I would be comfortable with any other scenario. I’ve watched over that woman pretty much all my life and have been a sort of parent-like person for her since I was a kid. As she grows older and goes deeper into her schizophrenia and becomes more fragile, I cannot in my heart think of any other alternative other than keeping her with me. It’s not some martyrdom complex or anything like that, it’s just how I am wired. Even with all my issues and the mental, emotional and physical toll it has taken on me, I love my mom and she brought me up the best way she knew how or could do. I can’t fault her for her illness and I can’t ignore the fact that she needs me as much as I need to know she is ok...as ok as she is capable of being. I may gripe and such but let’s face it, these are the cards I was dealt and I’ve managed all this time somehow and I’m pretty sure as I get older and wiser I’ll get better and better at doing so. But for the most part I can say I’m at peace with my decision (even when a tiny voice inside my head screams at me WTF are you thinking!!! HEEELP MEEE!) Now I’m just torn between should I stay or should I go (now. ....sorry had to. As I was typing those words I was singing it dammit!!!) And if I go, go where exactly? What do I do with my cat? How tf am I getting the beloved furry pain in my butt to come with me? What best fits not only my needs but my mothers and (if my furbaby is coming) Gandalf? New York? (That’s expensive AF) San Francisco? (SAME! but but SWEATER WEATHER LOVE!!!) L.A. (I’m not gonna lie, my home city is the last choice on my short list) Seattle? (perhaps but can my ma stand the so called gloomy weather which I am partial to?) S.A. (STOP! HAULT! DO NOT GO THERE! Though I have many fond memories and do love the city in many ways including my family and friends..and cheaper rent per square foot...and delicious bbq...I just can’t...cuz politics, namely its states’ politics. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want my tree hugging, In-N-Out loving ass either anyhow.) I guess I can only say We’ll see. As I get closer to the end of my fourth year I’ll be more sure of which direction I’d want to go but so many things can still happen from now to then so I just want to leave myself open to any possibility that I may not have even thought of. 

So besides all that ‘off to the future I go’ crap, lets see...what do I want to see myself accomplish this year. I...

Must read more books (last year was depressing af for my bookwormish self as I only read three books, actually technically two were only completed in 2018 but I started in 2017. Now that’s sad for someone who used to down one to two books a day and read as she walked) 

Must get rid of more of my shit (I actually have been slowly accomplishing this little by little but seeing as it is nearing the end of my time at UB I must do this in its entirety by the middle of the year.) 

Must write at least one script of my own and complete it. (I have a few synopsis ideas written down, I just need to sit my butt down and make it a full story) 

Hope to go to Tokyo, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and again to South Korea. (At least Tokyo I hope for this year) 

Must lose the weight I gained only during this past semester. (I can only fit my rollies into two of my jeans and both have holes, one was bought that way and the other lost the battle with a tricycle and a school chair) 

Must cook more (I actually have been little by little doing just that, thanks to Instagram people who post recipes that motivate my lazy ass into wanting to cook what’s in the picture.) 

Must regularly volunteer again(Unfortunately I haven’t taken much time to do any since I’ve been here. Hopefully once my workload at school eases I can finally take the time to do this. It’s one of the things I love doing with my time because it’s the time when I can do something that isn’t for me but for someone else which I guess in a way is also for me in the sense that it just makes me feel good.) 

Must explore more of the Philippines (hopefully after I graduate we can do this) 

Hope to get to Guru level on Gurushots (only need to mark off four more of the criteria to get there) 

Hope to learn a third language (I’m thinking either Spanish or Korean since I at least know some vocabulary and short phrases already. The fact that I would love to be able to watch my kdramas without subtitles definitely gives me the incentive to lean toward the latter.) 

Hope to get more than four hours of sleep on average. (I would love that, only if my neighbors (front, both sides and back) dogs and Gandolf agree to keep it quiet during the wee hours in the morning)  

Must follow my daily, weekly, monthly goal checklist for more than just one month (yup that’s pretty much all that it lasted give or take a few weeks then days, last year) 

If I can manage to even complete a fourth of that which is mentioned above, I will have done this long ass blog entry justice. So if y’all managed to reach the end of all this ridiculousness, I wish to say to you HAPPY NEW YEAR and may this year and the many years to come bring you all you hope for and more. Let’s 2019 the shit out of this frakking year and make it our bitch!!!

(At least I can say with this yearly blog entry that I’ve managed to keep this one and only friggin tradition during New Years)

[tickly-tufts]

Revenge With a Side of Laughter

So, thanks to this post, the wonderful @ticklehappyhavoc and I ended up doing a collab fic! I recommend checking out her blog if you haven’t already!

We discussed a few ideas before ultimately settling on saioumota with lee!Kaito (and I’m happy to announce she’s now joined me in the saioumota pit). With all that said, hope you enjoy! 

When Shuichi looked up from his book, it was to find the shorter of his two boyfriends leaning against the door frame, flushed and panting with a prominent pout on his face.

“Did Kaito get you again?” Shuichi deduced as Kokichi plopped down beside him. He automatically set his book aside, allowing Kokichi to lay down on his lap.

“If that idiot thinks he can keep doing this without any consequences, he’s got another thing coming.”

“Oh? Are you planning to get him back?”

“Yup!” Kokichi beamed as he looked up at Shuichi. “And you’re gonna help me!”

Shuichi stared back.

“...Wait, what?”

---

“Mmm...” Kaito murmured sleepily, gradually rousing from his midday nap. He immediately jolted awake, however, when he realized his limbs had been tied to the four corners of the bed.

“Wh-What the hell?!”

“Neeheehee... Well, look who’s finally up. We were starting to worry you’d just sleep through the entire day! That would’ve put a total damper on the plan.”

Kokichi appeared on Kaito’s right, leaning against the side of the bed with an innocent smile. Shuichi hesitantly seated himself on the left.

“Plan? What plan?” Kaito questioned, eyes flickering between the two. “Kichi, what the hell did you talk Shuichi into?”

"You’re just instantly blaming everything on me?” Kokichi sniffled. “That’s so mean! You’re the worst boyfriend ever!” 

Almost in tandem, Kaito and Shuichi rolled their eyes. The latter decided it was time to speak up for himself.

“He wants revenge for all the times you’ve tickled him... and honestly I do, too.”

Kaito wore a look of confusion, then disbelief, before finally settling on amusement.

“Pfff... Seriously? Sorry to tell you this, but I’m not ticklish.”

Kokichi’s eyes narrowed skeptically.

“We’ll see about that.”

---

A few minutes later, Kokichi and Shuichi pulled back in frustration. They’d tried Kaito’s underarms, ribs, sides, and stomach, but all they’d gotten in return was a smug grin.

“See? Told you I wasn’t ticklish!”

“Should we just untie him then?” Shuichi asked.

“Hold on,” Kokichi persisted. “There’s no way that wasn’t a lie. Besides, we haven’t tried his lower body yet.”

That’s when he saw it. A brief flicker of anxiety in Kaito’s eyes.

“Neeheehee... I have a feeling we’ll have much better luck there.”

Kaito’s entire body jolted the moment they moved to his knees, encouraging Kokichi to start squeezing and scratching with glee.

“Tickle, tickle, tickle,” Kokichi chanted. “C’moooon, you know you wanna laugh!”

In an effort to protect his pride, Kaito clenched his jaw, remaining silent. 

...At least until Shuichi tickled behind his knees.

As soon as Shuichi's fingers made contact with the spot, Kaito made a strange sound. He quickly bit his lip, hoping that if he was stubborn his boyfriends would back off eventually. Unfortunately for him, it was already too late.

“Oh?” Shuichi looked to Kaito’s face. “Seems like I’ve found a weak spot.” His statement was directed at both Kokichi and Kaito. The former grinned in return.

“Try lightly scratching there,” Kokichi suggested. “Since someone I know likes to do that to us.” 

Forming his hands into claws, Kokichi fluttered his fingers against the back of Kaito’s knee. Shuichi did the same on the opposite side, and soon enough Kaito was trembling in his restraints, the corners of his mouth twitching against his will. Kaito wanted to protest, but he was afraid he’d lose control of his reactions if he opened his mouth.

“So, I guess you were lying to us when you said you weren’t ticklish,” Shuichi calmly stated, chuckling when Kaito shook his head. “No? That doesn’t explain why you’re struggling to keep your composure. Guess we’ll just have to make you admit it.”

“Wait, WHAT?!” Kaito suddenly exclaimed, then grit his teeth to try and save face. “I-I’m not… t-t-ticklish… so just-“

“Not ticklish? Neeheehee… Why are you stuttering, then? ” Kokichi smirked. “C’moooooon, just show us that smile we know and love!” He giggled when Kaito’s face turned bright red, continuing to scratch at the back of Kaito’s knees. 

Meanwhile, Shuichi explored the rest of Kaito’s legs, looking for some sort of hot spot. He dragged his fingers over Kaito’s ankles, only to jump when he heard a rather loud yelp from Kaito.

“H-Hey, Shuichi!” Kaito stammered. 

Shuichi glanced back at him, his fingers stopping for just a moment.

“I think it’s a little late to ask for mercy, Kaito,” Shuichi remarked, using one finger to gently trace circles around Kaito’s ankles. “Besides, you never listen to us when we tell you to stop.”

“You’re both… so d-dead when I g-get out of here…” Kaito panted, only to break into a fit of giggles when nimble fingers resumed their motion behind his knees.

“There we go!” Kokichi cheered. “Tickle, tickle, tickle! Aww, is the big, bad, oh-so-manly Kaito a little ticklish? Neeheehee, I think he is!” 

This specific, more childish method of teasing proved to be quite effective. Kaito was soon blushing and babbling incoherently, trying his best to counter Kokichi’s teases.

“K-Kokichihihihi!! Stohohohop!” 

“No can do, spaceman! This is what you deserve for getting at us all the time!”

Kaito continued giggling uncontrollably, struggling uselessly against his restraints. Kokichi glanced over at Shuichi, who was still teasing Kaito’s ankles.

“What are you thinking, Mr. Detective?” Kokichi asked smugly, although he fully knew what Shuichi was planning. He stopped tickling Kaito’s legs and scooted closer to the other boy.

“I hope you know that once I get out of these restraints, I’m gonna kill both of you,” Kaito growled, though his voice shook with every word. “Hey, what are you two whispering about?”

“Hm?” Kokichi hummed, looking back at him. “Oh, not much! Just a quick strategy meeting. Nothing you should be concerned about!”

“Nothing to be concerned about?! Of course I have something to be concerned about! What are-“

“Well, if you’re not ticklish, then you have anything to worry about,” Shuichi commented slyly. “Not unless you’re hiding something from us. Are you?”

“I told you,” Kaito mumbled. “Not ticklish.”

“That was a lie,” Kokichi interjected. “I bet he’s gonna lie for this next question, too.” 

The diabolical grin on his face was enough to send chills up Kaito’s spine. His next words, however... 

“Are your feet ticklish, Kaito?” He gently glided a single finger across Kaito’s right sole. To both Shuichi and Kokichi’s surprise, Kaito squeaked at the sensation, his body jolting almost instantly.

“Was that a squeak?!” Shuichi exclaimed. He’d never imagined a sound like that could come out of Kaito. He watched curiously as Kokichi continued to drag his finger up and down Kaito’s foot.

“K-Kokichi… c-cut that out!” Kaito demanded, his entire body shaking. “I swear to- H-HEY! KOKIHIHIHIHIHICHI!” The astronaut’s quiet giggles quickly turned into full-blown laughter as Kokichi wiggled his fingers over both of Kaito’s feet.

“There’s that laugh I was hoping for!” Kokichi giggled, tickling enthusiastically. “Tickle, tickle, tickle! Neeheehee… what’s the matter, Kaito? Is a little tickling too much for the Luminary of the Stars?” 

While Kokichi tickled Kaito’s feet, Shuichi moved back to squeeze at Kaito’s knees.

“S-STOHOHOHOP!!” Kaito cackled uncontrollably, unable to put up any kind of fight. His laughter only became more intense when Kokichi’s fingers brushed over the arches of his feet. His attempts to break free of his restraints doubled, but to no avail. All he could do was laugh and writhe in place.

“Oh? Is this a tickle spot I’ve discovered?” Kokichi smirked, now focusing specifically on Kaito’s arches. “It’s so cute how ticklish you are here! Kitchy kitchy koo~” 

If Kaito’s face wasn’t red before, it definitely was now. Even Shuichi was blushing at Kokichi’s teases at this point.

“SHUHUHUHUT UHUHUHUP!!” Kaito laughed, though his words were almost unintelligible.

“Let’s give him a short break,” Shuichi suggested, retracting his hands. Kokichi pouted at him, but relented as well.

They watched as Kaito panted tiredly, letting out after-giggles every so often, to which Kokichi would giggle along with him. Once Kaito regained his composure, he just barely managed to glare at his boyfriends.

“You’re both going to regret this,” he warned.

“And I bet you regret tickling me earlier cuz now look where that’s led you,” Kokichi snapped back playfully, sticking his tongue out. He then glanced over at Shuichi, who looked deep in thought, leaning towards him with a grin. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“Let’s try his upperbody again,” Shuichi proposed, holding his hand up to his chin. “I actually think there might be a weak spot somewhere.”

“Didn’t you two try that already?” Kaito reasoned. “Plus, if this is revenge, then…”

“We’re not done with you just yet,” Shuichi replied. “You know all of our weak spots. I think it’s only fair that we know all of yours.” 

“W-Well, you’ve already found them all, so if you could just untie-“

“If I remember correctly, there were several instances in the past where you flinched when one of us touched your back.” Shuichi smiled when Kaito’s eyes widened. “No wonder we couldn’t find it. It’s an obscure spot.”

Kokichi let out an impressed whistle.

“Leave it to Shuichi to figure everything out!”

Wasting no time, Kokichi climbed on top of Kaito, wrapping his arms around him as if in a hug. Kokichi then began to prod at his lower back. Kaito didn’t react at first, but he gradually grew more anxious the higher Kokichi’s hands traveled.

“K-Kichi, wait!” Kaito insisted. “We can t-talk about this- HAH!” He yelped the second Kokichi’s hands reached his shoulder blades. Bingo.

Shifting forward, Kokichi tucked his head into the crook of Kaito’s neck, then started spidering his fingers over Kaito’s shoulder blades. 

The reaction was instant.

“NOHOHOHAHAHA! NOHOT THEHEHEHERE!” Kaito practically screeched. Had he not been tied down so well, he surely would have bolted off the bed

“What was that? You like it here? It sure sounds like you do!” Kokichi pinched lightly along the ridges of Kaito’s shoulder blades, pressing close to whisper directly into his ear. “Hmmm. You’re trembling pretty hard. Not such a tough guy now, huh? I wonder how much more you can take...”

Evidently, the answer was “not much.” Shuichi soon took over Kokichi’s previous position at his feet, and Kaito’s remaining pride shattered into pieces.

“P-plehehease...” he eventually whimpered, too exhausted to do anything more.

Recognizing that Kaito had reached his limit, Shuichi and Kokichi finally pulled back, coming to rest beside him on the bed.

“Are you alright?” 

Kaito leaned into the hand Shuichi placed on his cheek, grateful for its coolness against his burning skin. Opposite to Shuichi, Kokichi snuggled closer, pecking Kaito sweetly on the other cheek.

“Need a glass of water?” Kokichi offered. He immediately jumped to his feet when Kaito nodded. “Anything for my favorite space dork! I’ll just let Shuichi deal with the ropes!” he declared before scampering off.

Shuichi sighed, though fondness was written all over his face. He ultimately complied without even a hint of hesitation. 

Relieved, Kaito sagged into the mattress, lowering his arms to rub at his wrists. He’d be sure to get revenge later, but for now he was content to rest.