#i think the latter is better for the reason i stated - and cuz i can edit the ukulele and vocals independently if i feel like it

[smile-files]

for recording professional-ish music, do you recommend i record ukulele and vocals on the same track (as in, a recording of my singing as i play the ukulele part), or on different tracks (i record the ukulele part and then record myself singing over it)? the latter has the benefit of it being easier to retake parts if i mess up a lyric, but it's also more fiddly - what i'm really wondering though is what ends up sounding cleaner

[naina285]

There are these 2 versions of me of whether to be spiralling or being ignorant and how I always can choose the option of being the latter.

I dont even like spiralling and if I choose the latter option nothing crazy will happen or the world will not turn upside down for godsake. If there is an option to stay unbothered and live by my own terms then why dont I just do it? What the fuck is even stopping me at this point, idk.

Sometimes I think what the world will think of me if I become unbothered. Will people judge me? I shouldnt even be liable to answer this to anyone so whats the issue?

I should just shamelessly be disregarding things that I dont like. Simple. Doing things at my own pace. When it is in comparing with someone and I am doing this just to get ahead of that one person, I know it very well, that feeling of satisfaction and getting ahead of them will last only for a day max. So is it really worth loosing my sanity for feeling that sense of accomplishment like, for a day like just for 24 hours?! Thats diabolical, and yet I chase this high. I still go for it like my life depends on it.

And then the very 2nd day I would have already found another person to compete and make myself feel inferior so what is the point of all this? Like for how long will this go on of putting myself in pain?

Why dont I ever listen to myself? Why dont I make my needs an absolute priority?

The people I am comparing myself with, they feel happy abt what they achieved no matter how small or big it is, cuz they did it in their own pace and with a genuine intention, when they were in their element, not stressed but rather in an almost zen state of mind, and went thru trials and errors. It all felt like a natural process where u evolve. It felt like them making their own creation. Where failures felt like a blessing cuz it becomes a lesson to make ur creation better.

But what I am realizing is I do it just so that I can get ahead of a person I feel I am in a competition with, when there was no competition to begin with. Cuz there was no other reason to justify myself of why I am so behind that goal otherwise. Cuz there is no reason whatsoever. The only thing in my mind is how to beat the other person and never of how I wanna do this cuz I like doing it. Cuz ofc my interests never held that much importance as compared to others. Never. Cuz till date I was too busy analyzing others and how to counteract their achievements. So basically living their goals in a way.

Where facing failures sucked like oh shit that person got ahead of me and is becoming successful and never of ohh how this failure can help me get better at my craft, cuz shouldnt that be the end goal? Its kinda making me rethink everything that I have done till now and all the intentions behind doing it and was there any real say of me, of my actual inner voice, or was I just consumed by the illusion of it all?

Thus no wonder I am not happy with my achievements no matter how small or big cuz even during trying to acknowledge my efforts, that very act too, I try to compare. Not a single opportunity is missed. Sighs. Every single thing I do revolves around this. This is what I do day in and out. Its my livelihood.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 294: A Half-Assed Escape

Previously on BnHA: Mirio was all “SURPRISE I’M BACK THANKS TO OUR RESIDENT SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO RECENTLY EARNED HER BACHELOR’S OF BEING A TOTAL BADASS.” Kacchan was all, “you know what, Dabi’s been trending long enough, time to remind the fandom what a real G looks like,” and he blasted his little bleeding body back into the fray and was all “FROM HERE ON OUT CALL ME DYNAMIGHT!!” Mirio was all, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, you’re serious,” and Kacchan was all “!!”, and so that’s the story of how my son got murdered twice in one day. Meanwhile in the Todoroki Drama Zone, Deku was all “STOP MURDERING MY FRIEND” and Dabi was all “THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and fandom had a whole big debate about Whether Or Not Dabi Trying To Murder Deku’s Friends And Mentors Is Any Of Deku’s Business, which went exactly how you think it went. Anyway, so then Deku yelled at Dabi, and Endeavor was all moved by his manly words and randomly went to go uppercut Machia in the chin. And, seeing as how the Momoserum finally chose that exact moment to kick in, Machia is now down for the count.

Today on BnHA: The Miriosquad handles the Nearly High End Noumus, freeing up Jeanist to jasphyxiate (okay that one doesn’t really work so well) the rest of the League. Compress is all “TIME FOR THIS MILD-MANNERED SIDE CHARACTER VILLAIN TO SHINE”, except that by “shine” what he actually means is “use his quirk to punch a literal hole right through his own ass to free himself.” The rest of the chapter is basically just a back and forth between him and Jeanist, with Jeanist trying to recapture him, and Compress repeatedly thwarting him by chopping more holes out of himself because HE’S FRESH OUT OF FUCKS, AND THE ONES AT THE STORE ARE ALL SOLD OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyway, so with Compress basically dying and all, Horikoshi is all “you know what that means”, and delivers a freshly-baked villain flashback revealing that Compress is a descendant of Harima Ouji, a.k.a. the Peerless Thief, a.k.a. some famous guy whom Gentle mentioned this one time for like two seconds back in the day. The chapter ends with Compress finally demasking himself and dumping Tomura back onto the ground, a.k.a. The Worst Possible Place For Tomura To Be. ( •﹏•)

WHY IS CRUST HERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

-- OH WAIT, SHIT. OH

AIZAWAAAA you’re alive and receiving medical help thank GOD. HOW MANY EYES DO YOU HAVE. AND MIRKO!! HOW MANY LIMBS DO YOU HAVE, OMG

so is this Aizawa dreaming about Crust’s final moments, then?? jesus. with All Due Respect to Crust’s memory, does Aizawa not already have enough misplaced guilt on his conscience as it is?? “nope, we’re gonna keep piling it on. that’s all he is now. three limbs, an indeterminate number of eyes, sexy hair, and Guilt” well shit

motherfucker y’all really out here placing an oxygen mask on Gran Torino’s corpse. fucking shounen characters. each one comes with a lifetime warranty

DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THESE CLOSE-UPS OF HAWKS’S UNCONSCIOUS FACE ALL WHUMPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE WE GOING TO GET. ARE YOU PLANNING ON KILLING ME WITH THE UPCOMING CONVALESCENCE ARC, BECAUSE IF SO, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME SO I CAN MAKE A WILL

for a moment I considered going back and checking my previous recaps to count how many times I’ve already made a joke about Dabi’s fire incinerating Hawks’s wings but not touching so much as a hair on his five o’clock shadow, so that I could calculate whether or not I could possibly get away with making that same joke one more time. but then I realized I could just do it in this kind of roundabout way I’m doing right now instead. so there you have it

FFFFFFFMT LADY AND MIDNIGHT NOOOOO

PLEASE BE ALIVE. PLEASE RESPECT THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. THE ONE THAT SAYS “NO LADY CHARACTERS ALLOWED TO DIE”, WITH THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM “AT LEAST NOT UNTIL HORIKOSHI GIVES US LIKE TWENTY-SIX MORE OF THEM FIRST IF THAT’S THE WAY HE WANTS TO PLAY IT.” IT’S A GOOD SIGN, PLEASE RESPECT ITS WISHES!!

so anyway though, Jeanist is giving a speech about how god knows how many people all worked together to bring Machia down. and now RHA is getting in on those fabric puns too, I see. “A SINGLE STRAND MAY BE THIN BUT TOGETHER THEY FORM A STRONG ROPE” oh so you think you guys are funny eh? I’m a frayed knot

MEANWHILE EXCUSE ME BUT WHY ARE YOU FUCKING CRYING BLOOD, HOLY SHIT

fffffff. so much for him taking over as the Number One once all this is over. so let’s just recap real quick, because Horikoshi has long since made it clear that one of his plot goals for this arc is to wipe out every single member of the Billboard Top Ten. so how we doin?

Endeavor - was just figuratively eviscerated in front of the entire nation by his homicidal zombiepunk son. also burnt half to death and possibly down a lung. will almost certainly be forced to retire after this one way or the other

Hawks - lying prettily in a medical tent. wings status: gone. hair status: still perfect

Jeanist - WELL I THOUGHT HE WAS FINE BUT APPARENTLY HE’S OUT HERE DYING, JESUS CHRIST

Edgeshot - MIA, last seen fighting Re-Destro. I really want him to have kicked RD’s ass because fuck that guy, but realistically they probably fought to a draw at best

Mirko - alive but in critical condition and missing something like 1.5 limbs

Crust - dead, currently haunting Aizawa’s traumatized dreams. now he’s gonna be triggered the rest of his life by people giving him the thumbs up, THANKS A LOT

Kamui Woods - was set on fire which is His Weakness. thoughts and prayers

Wash - last seen floating hospital patients to safety as Tomura’s wave of decay descended towards him. probably dead ffff

Old Man Samurai - haven’t seen this fucker in a hot minute, who even knows where he’s wandered off to

Ryuukyuu - currently being treated for her wounds, looked pretty bad off. but it’s hard to tell how hurt she is since most of the injuries were acquired in her transformed state. SHE BETTER GET WELL SOON

anyways, so yeah. so much for the top ten. guess that’s another reason Horikoshi brought Mirio back now, huh

so there’s a big panel of everyone fighting the Noumu while Machia lies there all “blurgh.” good riddance my dude. it took like twenty chapters and a hundred people to stop this guy so I really fucking hope he stays down. you’ve had your fun

anyway so Jeanist is sending another steel thread towards Dabi! and he’s all “just a bit more!!” fklklj this is gonna go real well isn’t it

meanwhile Mirio’s fighting a Nearly High End with all of these weird rock formations jutting out of its skin. go on and kick his ass then, Mirio

“each of these guys is probably just as strong as the Noumu from Kyuushuu” hold on I thought Ujiko or Tomura or someone said that wasn’t the case? not that Mirio would know I suppose. anyways let’s just hope he’s wrong cuz if not these kids are probably screwed

kLSDKFHLSKHGLKLK OH MY GODDDD

IIDA FUCKING TENYA YOU’RE A PEACH. THINKS THE NAME IS OUTRAGEOUS, CHECK. USES IT ANYWAY, CHECK. “JUST BECAUSE I DON��T UNDERSTAND DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE SUPPORTIVE.” WHAT A CLASS ACT

AND KACCHAN IS RESPONDING WITH AS MUCH DIGNITY AS HE CAN MUSTER

WOW, SON. IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, OR SOMETHING!! although listen up, real talk, the fact that Kacchan of all people can’t muster the energy to yell at someone questioning his ability to kick ass is HIGHKEY troubling and we may be in need of an intervention here soon :/

now Jeanist is finally turning his attention to the League! was... was it not already on the League. omg

ACTUAL SCREAMING AHHHHHH FUCK FUCKLK LK AHHLKHKFFFF

hey so um. what the actual fucked up hell. my soul left my body. imagine if you saw the reflection of this panel on your bedroom window. you would never sleep again

OKAY RHA TRANSLATORS ARE YOU HAVING YOURSELF A LAUGH AGAIN

THIS CANNOT BE WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING RIGHT. BUT IT’S RIGHT IN THAT UNCANNY VALLEY OF NOT BEING QUITE SURE, THOUGH... (　ﾟдﾟ)

(ETA: just a next-day clarification here, apparently my sleep-deprived ADHD word-skipping brain completely skipped right over the “a” in that last panel, so what I read was, “and Shigaraki’s limp noodle.” so yeah, the moral of this story is always read the speech bubble carefully before you start making running jokes throughout the rest of your post, folks.)

oh wow he’s really freaking out lmao

to be fair though, I’d argue that Dabi has gotten pre-tty close at this point :’) thrilled for him, really I am

but anyway, well then figure something out you big dramatic robot-armed fiend. didn’t you just say you could touch your own ass? can you not just Compress yourself to break free?? does it not work on you? or would you be stuck afterwards lol

(ETA: I was picturing him compressing his entire body at once, not just chunks of it. ghhhlkh.)

um

holy shit Jeanist. are you stupidly trying to cut off their air, or are you going for more of a sleeper hold (jleeper hold??) thing instead. the latter would be way smarter and faster and probably safer as well just saying

but unless Spinner is just being super dramatic, it sure looks like he’s fucking strangling them djslkjlk. this will certainly cement his popularity among the villain stans. good thing you’re not running for office any time soon bud

anyway so I have no idea what these guys are trying to do now. what is this

do you even have till the count of 5 at this rate. I mean

OH MY GOODNESS

HE’S REALLY FUCKING DOING IT!! HE’S COMPRESSING HIS BUTT!! OMFG. TOMURA HIDE YOUR NOODLE!!!

WHAT THE FUCK

DID YOU COMPRESS A PIECE OF YOUR OWN ASS. FUCKING WHAT. PUT THIS MAN’S PICTURE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE WORD “LOYALTY”, HOLY CRAP

HOLY SHIT COMPRESS

“HOLY SHIT DID THAT GUY JUST PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH HIS OWN ASS IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS VILLAIN PALS. FUCK IT, HE DESERVES TO ESCAPE”

jeez, talk about... A HALF-ASSED ESCAPE ATTEMPT :D :D :D hahaha. but real talk though, Horikoshi has clearly never tried to leap twelve feet straight up in the air multiple times in succession with only half his glutes though. everyone, I regret to inform you that this panel right here on the left may be slightly unrealistic

also where the hell is he going to go?? did you pack a jetpack away in one of those little marbles sir. and what about Dabi?? and Skeptic too, I guess, but we don’t really care about Skeptic

(ETA: at this point I had to stop reading for about two hours because I had to go out and take care of something; that’s also why this is being posted later than usual lol. anyways so where were we.)

oh my lord

the existence of a translator’s note here implies that the earlier line about Compress being able to reach Tomura’s junk was not, in fact, ad-libbed. hmm. hmmmmmmmm

anyway so now he’s grabbing Compress again because OF COURSE HE IS, so now we’re right back to square one! except now Tomura and Spinner are secured inside of little marbles, and presumably Compress is the only one who can release them

oh nevermind he’s just maiming himself again instead, SHEESH

Skeptic a man is dying please have some goddamn respect

so, uh. is he gonna die, though??

I really can’t tell wtf is going on here, this is the most confusing the art has been in a while. Horikoshi put all of his spoons into that creepyass close-up panel earlier, that bastard

OMG WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

DON’T FUCKING TELL ME THE “COMPRESS IS RELATED TO THIS THIEF GUY FROM OLDEN TIMES” THEORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE WHAAAAAAT. OH SHIT

so apparently Harima was a Robin Hood type guy who stole from... heroes?? wtf. are heroes the 1% in this scenario. y’all didn’t have any Fortune 500 CEOs to steal from?

THAT’S THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH YOU, OH SHIT. and in a related oh shit, the fact that we are getting a Compress flashback now of all times doesn’t bode super well for him. ffff

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKIS ARE STILL TODOROKI-ING

listen here boy if you touch one freaking hair on Shouto’s candy cane head I swear to god --

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY!!!

SHOUTO NOOOOOO. WTF YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONE GUY WHOSE WEAKNESS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FIRE. DABI YOU SHIT, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF!! I’M PRINTING OUT A COPY OF THAT COMPRESS PANEL!!! KEEP AN EYE OUT ON THAT BEDROOM WINDOW YOU PUNK!!!

SO NOW POOR SHOUTO IS UNCONSCIOUS AND FALLING!! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!! WHO CATCHES THE CATCHER

COMPRESS LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING

PLEASE DON’T CALL TOMURA LEADER OF THE “PLF” YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DO THAT. ARE YOU DYING. ARE YOU JUST A FUCKING HEAD NOW WTF

(ETA: “masks are removable, makeste” you know what it’s been a long day okay lmao. or I suppose Compress is really the one who is lmao.)

GASPPPPPP

okay. okay. looooool okay then

WHY WERE YOU COVERING THIS SEXY MOP OF HAIR UNDER THAT HOOD YOU TOOL. IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THE TOP HAT. I’M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW

as if it wasn’t enough for him to demask himself, he also had to get all shirtless and then do this weird attempt at a sexypose too huh

hard to say exactly how much of his torso is currently missing, but safe to say that’s proooooooobably not good. :///// fuck

on the other hand, Kacchan also has a torso hole and he’s still flying around like he just drank a dozen red bulls, so

this man lost his ass and he’s still out here monologuing like it’s the last two minutes of The Prestige. one might say he is monologuing his ass off

so he let Spinner and Tomura free, but is Dabi still trapped in his marble?? wasn’t he all on fire and stuff?? hopefully he can still turn off his quirk in there because if not that’s a pretty fucked up way to die. somewhere out there Snatch’s ghost is all “YEAH I’LL SAY.” oh how the turntables

last but not least, sooooooo. Tomura. back on the ground. that’s. um. ...shiiiiiiiit

[mfs-research-institute]

Hey big fan of this account.

I have a feeling this Nicte Beltan is behind the spree. It can’t be a coincidence the Spree rose after Alder betrayed her and she left. It explains why she’s hidden in the picture and why Alder has been hesitant taking on the Spree - because she knows she is responsible for their creation.

Also going to answer @thedreamsofthedreamer since both are about Nicte. Hello! So glad you're enjoying the theories and nerdiness! The general consensus from the RI is that Nicte created the Spree work and is likely the founder or a founder of the Spree. Some thoughts from our members:

--- @smallfrost: Definitely not a coincidence! The war Tally is "reliving" was ~25 years ago according to Eliot in an interview this season [link], and is likely a proxy war. The Spree is a modern movement from the last 20-25 years or so (as stated by Eliot in the very first episode of After the Storm, [link]). Definitely right after the battles Tally is witnessing. So, the work definitely came from Nicte but the question is, is Alder hiding her or is Nicte hiding herself from Alder? If it’s the former, could this hugely play into why the Army has so inefficient handled the Spree? Because they are Alder’s shame? If it’s the latter, perhaps Alder is unaware in her own ignorance and pride that she created the Spree?

-

@jalehh: Definitely!  third possibility while it is probably fairly known among witches that many spree are ex soldiers... it may be better to not so openly talk about, especially in front of civilians, why the spree happened and how close to army leadership and the 1st gen. of Spree were.  Never mind the exact circumstances (murder of prisoners of war) which I can only imagine is very much frowned upon among The Hague and the civilian government

-

@theycallmestephlee: I definitely think Nicte is the Spree founder. Between the similarity of her work with what we saw kill General Clary's daughter, and the general cover up of her existence, in the army at least, I don't think it's a stretch to get to this conclusion. And it definitely seems like Alder is covering this up, likely because of how close to Nicte she was and possibly because of how we saw things go in 2x03. Though it could have been a bit of a coverup on both sides, honestly. There are also some parallels between Nicte and Tally. In the beginning of the flashbacks, it looked almost like Nicte idolized Alder, much like Tally does, until Alder used Nicte's work in such a way that horrified her and likely drove her away. And one of the main issues the Spree has with the army is with Alder herself. Which very much tracks with what we've seen so far.

I've also been wondering if Nicte may be that "shit turkey" Alder referred to back in season one when Abigail came to her office to get reassigned. Of course, there is also still the theory that said "shit turkey" is a Collar. But I've been wondering more and more about the possibility of it being Nicte, though we don't know what her specialty is/was. Alder spoke of the "shit turkey" quite fondly and she seemed to be quite fond of Nicte as well and was quite impressed with her work, despite it being a little unconventional and wild. Perhaps it's just a random, wildly inaccurate theory. But it's a thought I keep having, regardless.

-

@here4rizzles: I agree Nicte could be the Spree founder. An alternative take is that she was a martyr type figure who had the conflict with Alder and certain ThingsTM happened between them, that ended with someone close to her seeing the story unravel starting the Spree because of whatever may have happened to Nicte.

Regarding who's hiding whom, I think it's more likely that Alder is hiding Nicte's existence. So many people have gone to that history room before Tally, that there is no way no-one had seen the witch photoshop, no matter how talented *I-SEE-SOUND-Tally* is. Also, Alder is having these dreams/visions/memories, so she obviously remembers Nicte. Now, Alder hiding her does not necessarily mean she's hiding her because of Spree-Founding-related reasons. It could be that she's hiding her because of whatever personal issues, conflicts and pain have taken place there. Or you know, to avoid bad optics, cuz #politics :D

Regarding Alder being hesitant to take on the Spree, I think, on the contrary, the guilt that would be associated with helping form them would drive one to put double the work to get rid of them. I also don't think Alder has been hesitant with dealing with the Spree. It's possible that she had perhaps underestimated them for so long that it gave them time to become powerful, and now it could be a little late to exterminate them, as a result of her ego.

---

Thank you for the asks! As always, if you would like to join the conversations on our Discord, please shoot us a DM for an invite!

[writinandcrying]

Should I stay or should I go?

tmnt x reader - Headcanon - PART 1

Link for part 2 - Donnie and Mikey

Pov: for external reasons ( your wifi wasn’t working, renovations in your apartment, hell, the whole building, pipe broke down you have no water for 3 days straight) you had to stay at the lair, it was all fun and games for the first 3-4 days, but routine had caught up with you and the turtles, you have never been that close to them for such long time. Which turtle wants you stay longer, and which one wants their space back?

not all turtles have a crush on y/n ( like, at the same time), but depending on which turtle you are reading, they have the crush on y/n (does that make sense? I hope it does )

Leo

🎏He wants you to stay

🎏( you thought I was going to say leave huh?)

🎏At first when you asked if you could stay some days at the lair he was a little bit... apprehensive? Not anxious per say, but definitely questionated if you would be comfortable, if your routines wouldn’t crash, could be keep up his “host” facade for that long?

🎏He was surprised how quiet you were, I mean, whenever everyone were at table for dinner or at game night you joked along, but during “normal activities” work, reading, studying, just, going through your day, you were so quiet. Did you not feel welcomed at the lair?

🎏Truth to be told you didn’t want to feel like a burden or a problem to them, you were already a new person in their space, so you just kept it to yourself. Took turns in who to ask something for if you need it, ( mostly tried to do stuff on your on) so no one would feel overwhelmed

🎏 Leo doesn’t want you to feel like you don’t belong, so whenever he makes tea, or it’s medication time at the dojo, he asks if you would like to join him, at first you thought it was just out of politeness, (and at first it was) but he insists so much that you give in, at some point you both get used to doing stuff together and like each others company

🎏 He loves his brothers? Yes. Loves spending time with them? Of course! But there are a certain amount of things that he would rather do with you, he feels... more comfortable doing so. Doesn’t feel pressured to put up the leader facade, to be serious all the time. he could be him with you, and there wasn’t many times that he could do that ( with master splinter he could, not all times tho. Lately there was so many foot activity going on that master wanted him to stay focused in almost all of their conversations ) so your hangouts were blissful to him

🎏he doesn’t even realize 4-5 days have gone by, when you finally get a call from your landlord that you can go back, he really wants to ask you to stay some more, not only he felt at ease talking to you, but he never slept better those last few days, for him, knowing that you were “under the same roof”, you were protected inside the lair, made him sleep so profoundly, it gave a sense of security he didn’t knew he craved.

🎏 he doesn’t have the heart to ask you tho. asking you to stay seems selfish of him, you have a life, you belong with the other humans out there, this last days with you made him feel so normal, but with that call it was like a bucket out cold icy water runing on this carapace, you both don’t belong in the same world, it was foolish to think anything like.. a relationship, could work between the both of you

🎏Leo gets so caught up in this intrusive ideas, he closes up. At first you think you did something wrong, everything was just fine minutes ago, but then maybe- just maybe, all of the tea you shared together, the shows you watched and the late night talks, was he just being nice? He didn’t want to spend all of that time with you, did he?

🎏 for the first time since you got in the lair, you felt bothersome, you pack your stuff fast, you don’t want to be a burden no longer, you say your thanks to his brothers and master splinter, apologize for any inconveniences, then when it comes to Leo, the air becomes heavier, it harder to read him, your throat tightens, you don’t know if you should thank or say sorry to him.

🎏 you tell him both

🎏 you walk alone through the sewer, moments before you got asked if you needed to be scorted, “it’s no problem” he assured, Leo was smiling but that were something in his eyes that made you question his words, you made your way as you declined his offer. It was easy to Make yourself believe it was the god awful smell that it was making your eyes water with tears

🎏 for the best days, Leo trained for hours, was harsher on patrol, at home, got more quiet than what he normally was. Everyone noticed, no one commented on it. He missed you, He wanted to you to back so bad, he wanted the late night talks, he endless laughter going on between both of you, but in no way he would tell you so.

🎏 if he only knew you wanted the same as him

Raph

🧨 he wants you to stay, but he also wants you to go... you should go

🧨 don’t get me wrong, he loves the first 2 days you are there, my god. He had never felt so powerful at his own home

🧨Raph LOVES spending time with you, you make him feel like the funniest guy around, likes working out with you, or you just admiring him while he works out, wink wink ;)

🧨 has a lot of pent up tension from watching you workout, or just simply having you watch him train and such ( he is a horny man don’t look at me) and he might or might not think of you a lot... in the shower.. in his bed.. in the middle of the night... He lives for the thrill of you being so near him but would actually DIE if you caught him- Well, u know. Anyways, he lives for your attention

🧨 he lives for it until he noticed how eco-y the lair was, and oh boy he needs to fart. Really Bad.

🧨the reason why raph wants you to go is because he needs to fart? Yes. let me tell you why:

🧨Raph cares a lot about his exterior, specially with his crush is around. in his mind he has a reputation to maintain with you, so yeah, he does NOT want to embarrass himself in front of you, plus he needs to work on mikeys sweater and he hasn’t shown to you that he actually knits ( and it’s very self conscious to do so, will you think less of him for having such a... homey- Grandma material, Hobby?)

🧨 so yes; Raph would rather die than to let it rip next to you, but he wants to so bad oh my GOOOOOOD ( mind you this is crush state, if it was a s/o of long time you will need to deal with the monstrosity that comes from his behind, sorry), when he realizes that farts arent the only thing that needs to be let out he lowkey starts to panic ( no, he did not take a dump while you were there, is raph one of those ppl who has a shy 🍑 when there’s new people are around? That cannot go outside his own home? You bet he is)

🧨he does feel more at peace knowing you are safe and sound while sleeping at the lair like Leo, but when you get a call that you can go back to your home, he is upset... and relieved( won’t show the latter until you are out at the door and he’s running to the bathroom)

🧨 will miss you, your sassy remarks, your ass, your company in general, but will only notice those feelings after reclaiming his space back

🧨Mind you when he left his mighty trone, shit was so clogged, Donnie wanted to kill him ( because obviously he is the one to fix everything around the lair)

🧨for his disdain, Mikey had revived a long lost forgotten nickname from old days: Shit blaster 3000

🧨 (Mikey had to hide for 2 hours from Raph trying to beat up his ass from bringing that name back - which stuck for 2 days, mainly cuz Donnie was so pissed at him he wouldn’t let it go of the name)

🧨 but hey, after that he asked you to stay over a lot more! Slowly he started to show more and more about him, ( the relief he felt when he finally showed you his knit projects and you loved it, he was holding up his breath the whole time) he also loves how more comfortable you got after staying those days with him them, so yeah, feel free to stay over a lot more!

🧨just, don’t stay for long periods of time

🧨 (for donnies sake)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I don’t know how I went from soft to sad Leo to sassy and fart ass raph in one Headcanon? Raph Headcanons are always so serious or u know ~sexy~, but honestly he has such comedy potential, anyways- I hope you guys enjoyed it sbfbgjkfkdks, tell me if you want me to do Donnie and mikeys!

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hiya!! Caroline Forbes for the character game, if you would be so inclined.

I am so so sorry I'm so late to this ask, but I'm hoping better late than never :) [like seriously I’m answering this a month late I am sooooo sorry!!]

First impression

My first impression of Caroline was during that scene at the grill, when she was drunk and like "I try so hard and nobody goes for me, nobody wants me, everything is a competition and I try so hard and NEVER win" to bonnie, and honestly calling myself out here, but I hated her in that moment simply bc I could see wayyyyy too much of myself in her, and I felt sort of vulnerable seeing such a blatant reflection of my deepest insecurities just sitting there in front of my eyes, but at that moment I wasnt looking to self reflect or read into it too deeply [I was there for mindless cheap entertainment] so my first basic impression I believe was to absolutely scoff at her, and I was like, I already dont like this chick, but also I was expecting her to be sort of a watered down regina george character, bc that's how they introduced her in terms of how she behaves w elena, she was supposed to be the shallow passive aggressive vapid bitch who's friendship is performative at best and toxic at worst, the way she treats Bonnie as a convenient sound board and replaceable company did not go unnoticed by me, these parts I can say I did not relate to, however I saw them for what they are, which is the makings of a headbitch mean girl who's imminent “untimely” death will not be mourned so much as alluded to constantly as a warning call and/or a cautionary tale for all the nameless dangers that are lurking in their godforsaken town, basically I expected her to die as a plot-pusher and then her death + the aftermath would've served as a convenient point of mild conflict between stelena to you know add to the "forbideness" of their relationship, so at this point all my first impressions were exactly what the writer's intended and honestly I was just waiting for her to die since it was clearly just a matter of time before that happened, but at the same time, I might not have been completely aware of this during that period of time, but the grill scene struck a chord with me and stayed with me quietly for a very long time, months later after reading several ffs and metas I can pinpoint that I was basically stuck between finding solidarity w Caroline in having the same insecurities as the character, and hating the fact that I had those insecurities at all to begin w and how vividly they were shown to me through Caroline without any restraint or cushioning.

So yeah you could say her character itself left me both vulnerable and seen at the same time so it was an odd mix of finding comfort and empathizing with this fictional character, but predominantly I was feeling.....agitated and hiding away from the truth that she represented to me; these two opposing feelings conflicted with one another constantly leaving me in a place where I mostly did not know if I liked her at all and if I didnt like her was it because she was written to be a mildly irritating side character [that I couldnt be bothered to emotionally invest in] or just because I saw too much of myself, especially the parts of me I dont particularly care for, in her to ever like her.

So yeah on one side I could say I wasnt deeply bothered [in a good or a bad way] by her, and only in passing acknowledged her to be the plot-convenient side character she was in the very beginning, but on the other hand, I somehow latently knew that it was so much more than that, and I am so so glad it was in fact the latter of the two that was true.

Impression now

Listen my impression of her now, cannot be encapsulated into a well thought out explanation of why I think so and so of her and how it affects me, but I think personally right now if you ask me what I think of Caroline, I would say I see her and I think, 

Oh I....know you, I see you everyday when I think about the kind of growth I want to have, I see myself in your past and while you may have grown I havent, but I can see it’s possible, however fictional and non-existent you are, if it’s possible for you, it’s possible for me.

[Also I just wanna add here, that in no way am I, at this moment, referring to canon!caroline directly but I am strictly thinking of the Caroline I have built in my head and the growth I projected onto her when I saw her transition from vapid blonde shallow bitchy human [and here’s the thing she wasnt vapid or shallow even in her human days but the insecurities still made her feel that way] to confident, painfully real, optimistic, loyal and so overflowingly full of love-vampire who has forgiven her past self but also loves her past self because no one thought she was worth that but Caroline Forbes thinks 16 year old Human Caroline Forbes deserves just as much love as Vampire Caroline Forbes and if no one else is brave enough, real enough to give that to her she will give it to her herself, Which to me is beautiful and resonates so deeply with me and that is exactly what I would say is my current impression of her; A girl so full of love and light, even her own shadow self cannot escape it.]

Favorite moment

Every moment she beats up a guy is my favourite moment and every time she insults Klaus with a smile on her face is also my favourite moment.

Idea for a story

Ok so I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while and I’m really excited to make it into an extensive multichap work when I do get the time, but you know how in Legacies [gag] there’s this episode where in an alternative universe where Hope doesnt exist at all, Caroline and Klaus are the cutest Enemies of the State couple to ever exist and they both are basically fucking shit up to the point where the humans wanna end the supernatural world as they know it, in legacies the reason behind the supernatural uprising was something unnecessarily sordid and stupid but I am basically thinking of something else but will lead to the same alternate universe we see in legacies, the basic premise rn is that  Klaus and Caroline are the Supreme leaders of the supernatural community and are leading them against the humans in this war that has broken out all over the world in a bid to end the supernatural world altogether, and I kind of have it outlined to take them from However Long it Takes my Last Love to let’s discuss our next strategy to over throw all opposing world governments on this table and then proceed to fuck on it.

So yeah I kinda wanna say stay tuned for that, but I wont cuz seriously I have no faith in myself lmao.

Unpopular opinion

As much as I love to criticize other characters [mostly Elena] for being hypocritical twats regarding Caroline’s choices, Caroline herself is a hypocrite multiple times through out canon, but I myself find that I am ok with that, since I never expected her to be perfect and her hypocrisy only makes her more real in my eyes since every time she is a hypocrite she is called out on it and made to face her own double standard.

Favorite relationship

I wanna say Klaus, like seriously I really really do,  but for me personally the relationship my Vampire!Caroline has with her past human self will always be the most beautiful enriching and hope giving thing.

That and also her relationship with her mom and how it finds this transformation from a place where they constantly hurt each other and are estranged from each other to a place where they try so hard to understand and love each other and finding the other to be an unmovable pillar in their life that strengthens and holds them up also resonates with me deeply.

Favorite headcanon

This one

[muthaz-rapapa]

Let’s talk TroPreCure! (^∀^ 🌺)

i’m so stupidly proud of this dumb pun “tropurikyua~”, hahahahaha

Last post of the year and wow is there are lot to be excited for!

I even had to make a list for the stuff I want to talk about and I’m sure I already forgot one or two things but we’ll get to them as we continue to float~ along the wave to February 28th, mmkay? :)

Now for what has peaked my interest so far. And yes, we have to talk about the following first:

1) HealPre the shortest Precure season??

Unless they plan for double features in February (which I doubt but you never know), HealPre is likely going to reach only 45 episodes long instead of the usual 48~50 before TroPre I’m using this shortening of the title for now so if there’s a better alternative, tell me and I’ll switch out begins its broadcast.

Understandable because the producers probably want to get back to their normal scheduling as soon as possible (toy sales, y’know) and I suspect pushing the start of the new season back by a month is the most they’re willing to compromise.

As for me, I’m quite happy about this since HealPre’s lost its hold on my attention a while ago so the sooner TroPre gets here, the better. Though the downside might be a scrambled climax and a rushed, underwhelming ending for HealPre (I dunno if it’s January’s titles that feel a bit messy or if the hiatus is still throwing me off) but whatever. We’ll refresh ourselves with the new blood Cures so it’s all good.

2) Tropical movie announced for Autumn 2021, no All Stars??

(source)

First saw this mentioned on Youtube somewhere but it’s all over the fandom forums by now. I mean, HealPre’s movie is set for March, the usual time slot for All Stars release. If Toei intended for there to be an All Stars in 2021, there’s no way they would announce the seasonal movie before it so speculations of them skipping it this year are probably true.

To squeeze it somewhere between March and October-ish would force them to readjust their budgets as well and I don’t think even Toei wants to go through that extra hassle after all the trouble the pandemic’s caused for everyone already. It’s just easier to resume All Stars in 2022.

That, and I think Laura being a major character in TroPre despite not having a Cure title (yet) would make for an awkward situation when the three latest teams gather so perhaps that’s also one of the reasons. But I’ll get back to Laura in a bit.

3) Cure Summer is a RAINBOW Cure

So god help me if I see anyone calling her a Pink Cure.

Yes, she’s the lead Cure for this season. NO, she is not a Pink Cure.

Look, even the official website has a rainbow overlay for her profile pic and text font while everyone else’s respective theme colors are a solid hue:

Therefore, RAINBOW.

In promotional material and merchandising, they’re probably going to advertise her primarily with pink bah and at worst, she might occasionally be labeled as a White Cure with multiple subcolors (her outfit is not pink-dominant) but definitely NOT. PINK.

...also, this goes without saying but f***yea, we finally got a lead Cure practically and unabashedly wearing the LGBTQ flag and you cannot tell me otherwise, Toei!

Own up to it! Declare Manatsu/Cure Summer as the Precure queer icon!

I’m not gonna stop yellin’ until you do! 😠

4) Laura = obvious midseason Cure is obvious

First of all, Laura is a babe. I already love her the best and she’s not even Precure yet. <3

Anyways, the set-up is pretty much in the description. Important main character who’s not a mascot, stated to have a self-confident personality and just speaks her mind (oooh, I like~ :D), magical/foreign being from another world looking for Precure to save her home, possesses her own special item(s), has aspirations to become the next Queen (so she’s a princess-candidate or something to that effect, I suppose).

We’ve seen various combinations of these traits in past midseason (and a few starter) Cures so nobody should be surprised when we all guessed that one of the Cures would be a real live mermaid.

The only question is why not just make Laura a Cure from the get-go if she’s introduced to us at the beginning (like Hime or Lala) and having a team of five with no unnecessary extra add-ons later on (like Smile).

Well, there’s a simple answer for that: formula.

Toei is afraid that if they don’t spit out some new animation sequence at the halfway and third quarter points of the show, the kids will lose interest and abandon the series altogether. Which means failed toy sales. Oh nooo... [/sarcasm]

...Yea. 

And this way they can also have Laura available in the Cure lineup for the next All Stars in 2022 instead of making her sit the fight out if we were going to have one in 2021. I’m convinced that’s gotta be one of the reasons. *shrug*

But ok, whatever. Her debut is gonna be later, that’s all. She’s a delayed Cure.  Midseason Cure, same difference.

Moving along to the more important stuff now like what’s her Cure name gonna be, y/y?

Well, knowing Toei, a translation of the term “mermaid” into another language is the most predictable route even though we already have a Cure Mermaid. Not like that ever stopped them from repeating words before (ex. Cure Happy vs Cure Felice). Though if they do go down that road, I hope they opt for the Spanish/Italian “sirena” and not the French “sirène” because the latter sounds too close to how Cure Selene is pronounced in Japanese. And, putting it nicely, we all know Japanese pronunciation of foreign words is as off kilter as can be.

Hell, even the the Portuguese “sereia” sounds aesthetic as hell so it’d be nice if they can just remember there are other languages that exist out there besides Japanese, English and French when making the final decision at the writing table! *stomps foot* >:/

Alternatively, “nereid” or “naiad” are good choices too but they remind me too much of Greek myths and Laura’s from the Grand Ocean which covers more than just a couple of seas (Greece is surrounded by three, btw) so...

I dunno. But whatever it’s gonna be, she’s definitely got a strong association with water and her powers will probably be based on that.

As for theme color, since there’s noticeably no blue or green Cure in the starter lineup, it’s likely she will take up that spot when she debuts around ep 20.

Pink is also open since Cure Summer, again, is technically not a Pink Cure and Laura’s hair and tail fin are hot and light pink respectively but looking at Laura’s design and concept, does anyone seriously believe that?

Her upper torso consists of aquamarine while the body of her tail is definitely some shade of cyan, implying they’re aiming for somewhere around the middle of green and blue on the lighter spectrum.

And yea, I’m aware that green and blue are considered exchangeable in some perspectives with how close some of their shades are to each other but officially, I think Laura’s gonna be grouped with the Green Cures.

Cuz of the hair. If Laura’s gonna keep it the same or a similar shade after transforming, that is. The Blues have always had cool-colored hair so putting Laura in with them might disrupt that harmony whereas if you put her with the few Greens there are (including Parfait), she’d fit right in.

I mean, we’ll see but that makes the most sense, doesn’t it?

On another note, I just want to say that I love how they added frills to her arms instead of letting her elbows go bare naked. It definitely makes her look more like a genuine mermaid than if she didn’t have them (remember, half fish doesn’t mean half the body :P).

5) Magical Items

Frankly, I’m tired of seeing the transformation device being a compact again even though one of the main motifs is make-up this season. But at least, as far as Precure compacts goes, the Tropical one is my favorite cuz of how cute and delightfully colorful its toy version looks! So I guess I’m okay with it.

The Heart Rouge Rod, though? ...I dunno. I think it would’ve been fine without that...straw (?) jutting out at the top. It looks weird, doesn’t it look weird? :S

As for the collectible clip-ons, I can live without those for the rest of my life. Yeesh.

Laura’s items, the Aqua Pot and the Ocean Prism Mirror.

Again with the portable, travel-size housing. *sigh* 😩

Alright, I can let this year slide cuz Laura (I’m so soft for her, omg) probably won’t be getting legs for 20 weeks so she’s got to move about on land somehow. But unless they’re really thinking about turning this idea of carrying your apartment around in your bag/pocket/purse into a reality (cuz that would be effin’ awesome), please be more creative with your toys.

On the other hand, I’m much more interested in the Ocean Prism Mirror but from what Kusyami (the Precure merchandise reviews I follow on Youtube) said in his latest vid, this is the ED dance item so don’t know if it’ll actually have an relevance to the story or not. But I did hear him mention it having something to do with the Queen as well and since Laura wishes to become Queen, maybe it’ll be important after all? Maybe it’s her transformation device?

That’d be super cool. Let’s continue the trend of the midseason Cure having a different transformation item than the starters. Honestly, we should alternate every other year or two but we’ve gone three seasons with all of them using the same henshin gimmicks up till HealPre and I just want a break from that.

6) Fin sleeves??

These look so impractical for combat so maybe it’s exclusive to group attacks.

And/or a sort of precursor to the super forms?

*GASP* Does that mean they all eventually turn into mermaids? 🤩

7) Yui finally became Precure!! 😭

lol, it’s all crack from this point on so don’t take it too seriously but man, after Yuni’s deceptive braids, I thought I wasn’t gonna see anything that reminded me of Yui for a while and lo behold, Sango.

kehehehehehe xD;

Though Yui might be closer to Minori in terms of personal interests (fairytales and storybooks).

8) Akira, the actual Onee-chan version

I didn’t think this when I first saw her but once I read “Onee-san” in her profile, there’s no saving you now. Sorry, Asuka. 😅

Also, damn, do her sandals make her feet look big! Compare them to the heels she wears as Flamingo. Are they even the same?! lololol

9) ...this sounds awfully familiar...

Translation:

Tokimeku Tokonatsu! [Exciting/Thrilling Everlasting Summer!] Cure Summer! Kirameku Hoseki! [Sparkling Jewel!] Cure Coral!  Hirameku Fuurutsu! [Flashing Fruit!] Cure Papaya!

Japanese reiteration:

Mallow/Mao: Pink no tokimeki! Lillie: Blue no kirameki! Lana/Suiren: Yellow no kagayaki!

….........

@Toei 

Care to explain yourselves, punks?! 

୧(ʘ ∀ ʘ ╬)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

[ofieugogyshz]

Notebook, television, shotgun!

this got long so rm’d

Notebook; How do you and your F/O(s) get your thoughts and feeling out, if not with words?

Lance is better at using his words than I am. Like, I mean, I can craft with words, but like, actually say them? oh man that’s a whole fuck. Well, actually, I guess it depends on the emotion behind the thoughts. Because I mean, I’m still mostly just ASKDJSKHDS when it’s a happy emotion but he can tell by the occasional babbling what feeling I’m trying to convey :P But when it comes to something like... frustration/sadness? Oh my god I am so emotionally constipated that I’ve BARELY been working on talking through my emotions and it’s hard so sometimes it winds up being something like typing/writing it out, even if he’s just right in front of me, and he’s okay with that, because he know how hard it’s been my entire god damn life to express myself and other issues there. He knows, and we’ve just. learned that it’s easier if I’m getting choked up to let me use the pen, so to speak

When I’m angry though.... I’m very vocal about that kldsjfkfjdk the amount of times he’s tried to calm me down before my medication..... please get this man a reward for being such a saint.

when it comes to him though, like... He secludes away for any sort of negative emotion. He’s already a pretty private person as it is, and he feels like he has responsibility to set a good example as someone who’ll wind up leading the clan, and... That’s a lot already. So when stress comes to head, he’ll go off somewhere by himself. He’ll often text me/let me know that he needs time by himself, because if he doesn’t, I’ll be blowing up the phone (mostly for my usual talky shenanigans, but if I’m aware that he’s somewhere not feeling well, then... I will still be trying to open up) Depending on what kind of bad it is, I’ll take a page out of his book and go spend time with him, let him know I’m there by actually being there. Because he’s always been there for me. It’s my turn to be there for him.

But for good/positive emotions.... He’ll smile, he’ll open up a bit more, he’ll become more relaxed/talkative? if that makes sense? like, less formal/professional speech. I mean he still very much has that tone regardless bc it’s just. part of who he is now, but like. He’ll express it, he’ll try to verbalize it, if it’s romantic he WILL verbalize it. Love involves a lot of affection and actions and words; making sure that I know that I’m loved as many ways as possible. I just. don’t know how to words it? Like he’ll tell me, he’ll give me affection, he knows because we’ve talked about it and figured it out, the ways that my brain feels lacking.... and I will admit that I kind of haven’t paid attention to how he communicates care for others. But... looking at his Pokemon, I definitely think spending time and being patient with hurt people, talking to them, trying to remind them that he’s there and that things are okay now... like. I’m veering off entirely from the original point of the question. but that’s okay cuz it’s my blog and i get to make the rules. Like... even with Silver in the Masters event! He talks with Silver, mentions that it’s been awhile since they’ve “talked like this”, presumably spending time together, being patient and helpful...

oh my god i can’t believe I forgot helpfulness. 

anyways uhhh i need to leave room for the other questions fjksjhd so i’m gonna cut it off here now.

Television; How do you and your F/O(s) keep up with what’s happening in the world?

I.... don’t. I’m too burnt out. He, on the other hand, reads/watches the news, reports, etc. If it’s something that he’s going to get involved with [either as champion or with the pokemon g-men], he researches it. Sometimes he’ll let me know about something that he found interesting or think I would find interesting but.... I basically wind up with the same thing plastered over my twitter timeline 2000x and after that you just. kind of stop caring. I don’t know how my husband does it. bigger heart ig?

Shotgun; Which of you is the most aggressive when it comes to inconvenience and confrontation? Have you ever got physically violent with another party?

I... oh. this is loaded in maaaaaany different ways. So, like. On a personal, no outer world risk level, I’m... very. very aggressive. not as much as I used to be since getting on mood stabilizers [thank stars] but. i’m still. Aggressive. But I also don’t do confrontations because i’m a crybaby and my history of confrontations involved... less than good reasons and dismissive reactions, so I tend to just. avoid it as well. LOL;;;  My husband, on the other hand, isn’t aggressive about small annoyances like that? and he’s pretty good about confrontations! so i have him tell people to stop being noisy and giving me headaches. When it’s not threatening the safety of others, he’s very calm and direct in his confrontations and handles situations pretty well, imo...

Now, uh, for the latter half...! I have not gotten violent with people, but i’ve also only every been that angry that I was afraid I was going to throw something like.... once or twice in my life, and I made sure I went on what wound up a LONG ASS WALK for like an hour with the subject of my anger so I could yell at them about what happened. I mean, I’ve thought violent thoughts about people, and there is one who I wish the utmost ill upon that would make other forms of torture look tame, but I’ve also never been in a state where I could do anything about it.........

My husband has had to uh, apprehend people with a Hyper Beam or two though. But it was for their own good! god how different my life could have been if he could have come in and saved me from all that... I know he wouldn’t’ve stood for all of that... esp if I thought it was unfair, and he’s got the stronger set of morals between the two of us. He honestly only does it if he ever really has to. And, unfortunately, with some thieves and evil organizations, force is necessary. He does try to reason with Archie when he gets possessed by the (blue?) orb, but unfortunately he’s so far gone that it doesn’t work, so force becomes necessary. And Team Rocket... well, they’re team rocket, they’ve done worse things to Pokemon than a Hyper Beam. They’ll live. 

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Eighty-Seven: She’s Better Than That ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto ] [ SasuHina, NaruSaku ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

Given his popularity through high school, Sasuke’s been used to people trying to cozy up to him for all the wrong reasons. Especially girls. Even someone like Sakura - who chased him (and drove him up the wall) since their first years of elementary school only gave up in the latter parts of high school. Students would come and go, and with them would be an almost inevitable crush on the moody, broody dark-haired Uchiha.

His brother had suffered the same fate when he was in high school, having to brush admirers aside since he was young. Though...of course, Itachi had been a bit more gentle and polite about it. Nowadays, Sasuke is all but rude depending on the circumstances. While most advances are brushed off with just some light exasperation, others take a more...firm approach.

And lately...he’s needed all the more reason to keep them aside.

Ever since Hinata approached him, he’s been...unsure what to think. He’d been keeping his admiration of her secret for so long, knowing she was so attached to his dumbass best friend. Then he let it slip that day after practice...and she’d given him that odd look. When she actually showed up to his game - even after her bike got a flat - he was pretty taken aback. And of course it was his mother who ended up giving her a lift.

Then, well...he got smacked in the face with a flyaway bat, and she’d just happened to be there to see it and take him to the nurse. He’d never been so embarrassed in his life...but at least she didn’t seem to think he was an idiot. She was just...worried.

And just a few days ago, she actually waited for him after practice, making small talk before...asking if he’d like to go out. Needless to say, he’d been completely blindsided. Her getting over Naruto apparently went a lot easier for her than he thought.

But then again...it sounded like she’d been slowly dwindling hope on the prospect, anyway. Still, for her to make the first move? With how shy he knows her to be? It honestly impressed him.

...and now he’s not sure what to do.

There’s not much of their senior year left, now. He hasn’t asked her what her plans are. His own are just to go to the local university a few cities over and major in business while also (hopefully) playing baseball. Hinata has played volleyball and tennis all four years, but she hasn’t mentioned if she’ll pursue it after high school...or anything about what she’ll do.

...he’s worried they might end up apart so quickly after finally making it together.

Sure, they don’t know each other that well yet, but...he’s always admired her from afar. Soft-spoken, kind, smart, and ridiculously adorable. To say that he’s smitten is putting it lightly. On his side of things, at least, he knows he’s pretty serious. Hinata, on the other hand, hasn’t really seen him the way he’s seen her until...pretty recently. Her attention has been elsewhere for quite some time.

So, he’s been paranoid about what they’ll do once Summer is over. Or even the school year itself, depending on her plans. What if she doesn’t end up feeling as strongly as he does? What if she slips through his fingers?

...he’s not sure what he’d do. He’s had so much ill luck with girls, he doesn’t want this one chance that he wants to pass him by…!

And eventually, someone notices his melancholy.

“What’s been up with you, dude?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been mopey. Well...I mean, more than usual,” Naruto replies, hopping up on the brick wall out front of the school beside his friend. A bag of chips is clenched between his teeth as he settles himself.

Sasuke wrinkles his nose. “...we have a game tomorrow. You’re really gonna put that garbage in your gut?”

“What? Nothin’ wrong with it! I’ll be fine - I eat crap all the time and never feel it!”

“...that habit’s going to bite you in the ass in a few years,” the Uchiha mutters.

“Now quit tryin’ to change the subject! What’s eatin’ you, dude?”

“Just...thinking a lot lately.”

“Well yeah, I figured. What about?”

“...the end of the year.”

“Aww, you gonna miss me?”

Sasuke deadpans.

“M’just kiddin’! Seriously...what’s wrong? I haven’t seen you look this out of it in a while.”

Sighing, Sasuke runs a hand back through his hair. “...Hinata asked me out the other day.”

Just stuffing chips in his mouth, Naruto suddenly blows a shower of food out over the sidewalk as he chokes, struggling to breathe. “S...she w-what?”

“Yeah. Just straight up asked me.”

“Well...what did you say?”

“I said sure. We haven’t had any time yet with practice and homework, but we’re thinking maybe this weekend.”

Blues blink, regarding his friend with a furrowed brow. “...okay. So...why’re you so glum if you’ve got a date? Got cold feet or somethin’?”

“No! No, that’s not it. I just…” He sighs, burying his face in his hands. “...look. I’ve liked Hinata for a long time. For like...all of high school.”

“Whoa...I had no idea.”

“Cuz I didn’t want anyone to know. She’s liked you for so long, I just...didn’t want to say anything. And now I might actually have, like...a chance. But…”

“But what?”

“But I dunno what’s gonna happen when we graduate! We haven’t talked about Summer plans, or college, or...anything.”

“Well, I mean...you haven’t even been on a date yet. Kinda jumpin’ the gun, aren’t ya?” When Sasuke doesn’t reply, Naruto hesitates. “...you like her that much…?”

“...yeah.”

“...well shit.” Setting his snack aside, Naruto goes quiet, thinking. “...you sure she’s not, uh...y’know…”

“...what?”

“It’s just...I mean, you said it yourself, right? She’s been on my tail for a long time! I just...don’t want you chasing someone who’s just...settling for you.”

At that, Sasuke’s expression quickly hardens. “No. That’s not how it is.”

“...but -?”

“Hinata’s not like that. She’s better than that! If she didn’t think this would work, she wouldn’t have asked me. She’s not settling -!”

“Okay, okay! I just...was worried, that’s all. You’re my best friend, dude. I wanna be sure you’re only using your time on someone who deserves you.”

“...I’m not worried about that.”

“...all right. Well…” The blond sighs, rubbing the back of his head in thought. “...maybe you can talk to her when you get together. Just kinda, y’know...casually bring it up. See what she says. I dunno if she’d be kinda freaked out if you suddenly started planning out your college choice because of her when you’re both still new to this, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. You’re right, I’ll just...ease into it. Try to be nonchalant. See how it goes from there.”

After a pause, Naruto can’t help a grin and a snicker. At Sasuke’s questioning glance, he admits, “Never thought it’d be you comin’ to me for dating advice, huh?”

Sasuke’s face sours. “Hey, I didn’t come to you, you just showed up! And I...needed to vent. Don’t get it twisted.”

“Yeah, yeah...well, I bet it’ll be fine. If Hinata’s as good of a person as you seem to think she is, then you’ve got nothin’ to worry about. Have your date, test the waters, and see how it goes. Just don’t start talkin’ about moving in together and havin’ kids, okay?”

“As if!” Sasuke rebukes, going a bit red in the face.

The pair then fall into a thoughtful silence.

“So...you ever ask Sakura out?”

“Yeah, like a thousand times!”

“I mean recently.”

Sipping his soda and pouting, Naruto mumbles, “...I was gonna wait until we win the game tomorrow. Y’know, since we’ll be goin’ to state that way. Maybe it’ll, I dunno...help change her mind.”

“...well I hope she says yes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’ve liked her a long time, man. Maybe we’ll both have better luck this time around.”

Naruto blinks. “...it’d be nice.”

“...well, speaking off, I better get home,” Sasuke then offers, hopping off the wall. “I gotta get my homework done and get to bed early so I’m not tired for the game.”

“Hey, you wanna do mine, too?”

“Yeah, right. Just go home and do it! There’s only a few more weeks left, you can tough it out, dude.”

The blond pouts. “Yeah, yeah...see ya tomorrow.”

“Later.” Hands in his pockets, Sasuke makes his way around to the parking lot, mind still abuzz with what-ifs. Maddening, he knows...but he just can’t help it.

...Hinata’s a nice person. He’s sure she’ll take it well. He’s just, well...a little afraid. This is his first time opening up like this, after all. He wants to do it right...and hopefully not have to deal with the fallout of things going south.

...he has a plan. Now to just...execute it.

                                                           .oOo.

     (This is a sequel to days 149, 168, 183, and 271!)      More sportsverse! Not...very much sports in this one, or even Hinata, but it's more of a like...transitional piece.      I wanna say I've tackled this notion (Hinata 'settling' for Sasuke) before, but it was in the canon AU verse I write, so...different context, lol - and Sasuke's not about to stand for it here, either. I don't think Naruto means anything by it, he just wants to be sure Sasuke's feelings aren't one-sided. He's just trying to be a bro!      Buuut, on that note, I reallllly need some sleep. I'm still two days behind and likely will be for...quite some time. At least through October with my other fanfic challenge going on. And irl has been...rough ^^; So thank you guys for your patience. One way or another, we'll make it to the end of the year, I promise! Some might just...be a lil late. We'll see~ But either way, thanks for reading!

[pcdl6]

Every Eldian is fucked—rant on Eldians'future in AOT world after 120

Note: Everything in this rant assumes that Eren's dead. Like, dead dead, cannot revive kind of dead. And no PATH stuff is involved in my rant cuz the whole PATH stuff is still not clear, so I simply assumed Eren's plan is not working or will not work.

Which means this theory will fall apart faster than Eren’s death.

Also, English is my second language, so please feel free to correct me if there are any grammatic errors. And please, if there is any idea you don’t agree, debate with me. I really like to chat about different perspectives.

TL;DR: Eldians are fucked. Marley may or may not be fucked.

"In your haste to save the world, take care you don't destroy it."—Archiles, Assassin's Creed III

It's not a surprise that Eren's plan is not gonna work, and the end game is either the world or Eldians are fucked. This is my speculation on what will happen after the death of Eren.

Assuming there is no magical PATH happens, Eren is dead in the real world. I think Yams want it to go this way.

Paradise Island

Since the Yeagerists oversee the island, and all the military high-ups are either titans or MIA, the death of Eren has to hit harder for the Paradisians. Using the Founding Titan may be their only way to defend the island, especially when all titans roam outside the walls are dead. As mentioned by the Owl, the titans also serve as protection to the Paradisians. Note that I did not count the new ones because we don’t know how many of them were turned.

With the world alliance right outside the walls, the only way for Paradisians to survive is to either surrender or rely on titan power. Isn't the latter choice ironic? But for them to survive, it might be the only way. The chance for peace was gone after chapter 101 and 102, and I don’t think the World will give the Wallidans another chance, and it may extend to the other continental Eldians. As a reader, I know the Eldians are human just like I do. Now imagine a race that looks like humans, but they can transform into the most devastating cannibal monsters. I don’t think this is a resolvable problem, not even in our world. It's not only a "simple" problem with discrimination and racism, but the non-Eldians are facing a different type of human that can become monster and endanger others around. Even with the PATH cut off from all the Eldians, it's hard to believe they are harmless, as the what-ifs are too strong in this case, and the fear that comes with the unknown makes the Eldians harder to trust. As Maslow's hierarchy of needs shows, the need for safety is a part of basic need. Hence, I think the world will not accept the Eldians even as they lost their titanization ability.

This leaves the Paradisians with the only choice: to fight.

Now I can go back to my point: every Eldian is fucked, that includes the Paradisians. With Eren dead, the FT power may randomly distribute to a new-born baby. I don’t buy the theory of it being in Historia's baby, simply because I think it's a cheap way of telling a story, and it sounds too much like a fairy-tale—something that Yams rarely tells. Yes, he pulls out Ex Machinima here and there, but he usually explains that (which I usually buy, so I'm pretty biased in this). It's impossible to control the Wall Titans without the FT, and considering the technology outside the walls, I think it's impossible to fight off the world alliance, with only the Yeagerist (who are mostly cadets and newbies) and few that did not turn to titan to fight off the world. SNK is not a one-man-army story, and although the two Ackermans are Paradisians, with Levi gravely injured and Mikasa may be protected by the Hizurus, I don’t think they are up to it.

Note: Here is a dark thought for the Pardisians to fight back the world army, if the current battle in Shiganshina does not destroy the island first.

This panel still was not explained since episode 107. The titans have protected the Paradisians before, and they are still transformable Eldians…

What Paradisians can do is to rally a hundred, or thousands of them to face the incoming army, and simply inject or drink or spread mist among themselves to transfer to titans.

It could be efficient and only at the cost of a few hundred to thousands of Paradisians. Better than the whole population being wiped out from the surface of Earth, right?

----------------------------

Although there is still some way for the Paradisians to fight back, this is still not a completely safe plan. First, the resources. From our own world, it's pretty obvious that having resources is a crime. Then there is Paradise island constantly being a threat to the world, especially after they've fought back the world army. Lastly, well, to unit the world, a common enemy is needed—still, real-world example. And the advancing technology will storm the titans in the future, as it already showed in the Marley Arc. So, even if the Paradisians can fight back now, they can never hold that long—especially they've shown the world how dangerous the Titans still are, I think this threat will accelerate SNK world's technology against the titans greatly. A combination of all the above, I think Paradise will be in a dangerous place, with not much time left for them.

And with the Paradise lost, the continental Eldians will eventually perish.

Fighting back or not, the world has no place for the Eldians anymore.

Marley

This is not about the Eldians in Marley, but the country Marley itself. As Magath and Willy stated in the Marley Arc, Marley has enemies around the world, as it dragged itself into "a self-destructing march of war". If what the Tybur family exclaim is correct, I wonder if the six titans are left intentionally with Marley by King Karl Fritz. And if that's correct, the Marley may have their militarism march for about a century, trampling their enemies with the six titans. The titan power was absolute for the old world, so the other countries could not stop Marley. I think they only dare to counter-attack as an alliance and wait until Marley slip-up in their titans. This is reflected in the four-years war against the Middle-Eastern Alliance—they knew the Marleyans lost the CT and Female at the Island, so they took the opportunity.

...and they still failed.

---------------------------------

Back to current arc, the Warriors of Marley are all out for the battle of Shinganshina 2.0, and what is the status of the Marleyan Titans now? CT and female have gone. WH has gone, along with almost all the Tybur family (who are probably the only Eldian representatives now). The beast titan defected, and Marley lost one of their tactical weapon—"titan bomb", resulting from Zeke's Royal Blood. The more experienced Jaws was gone, replaced by (yet another) 12-yo kid. Only two experienced titan holders left, with one of them is currently facing an Ackerman and the FT that they are supposed to retrieve died… I don’t think everything will go well with Marley.

Willy Tybur knows this.

FT is the last way for Marley to use the last of Eldians before the technology catches up, and without FT, both are doomed.

I think, even if the Warriors managed to win the battle of Shinganshina 2.0 at this stage (FT gone), the world alliance will change course for Marley. Why? Because Marley is an invader who just lost their tool for invasion; its leader just changed drastically; it is recovering from a previous battle. When is a better time to wipe out a potential threat to the country than now? I'm not sure if Marley can stand a full-on attack from the world, especially at this stage, with its Warriors mostly gone and no way to titanize the Eldians.

I think, with Marley gone, the Eldians will follow soon. First, due to the reasons I laid out above. Second, the Eldians are going to be denounced of human right, and from Udo's words on intermittent zones outside Marley and the Warrior's little tea party, I think it is true—if Marley is no longer powerful, the Eldians will suffer from it. Result? Genocide.

Thank Yams for more of these ironies.

History has no place for Marley now, just like their Titans.

[eallisnwndrlnd]

Moving On From 2018

One thing I can say that I love about New Years is that it’s like life feels like it gave you a bit of a reset button. Not erasing anything but at least working towards improving what you did or didn’t do the past year. I definitely need that reset for this past year 2018. 

Most of the year was in a bit of a stressful blur. I’m not going to bother reflecting on my previous New Years post since most of what I had hoped to come into fruition didn’t. All I can say is despite my battle with my depression and anxiety being the major factor in my stressed out year, I managed to accomplish some things. May not have been most of what I had planned but hey, that’s life sometimes. 

This past 2018 I completed my 3rd year, completed my internship hours and my first semester of my last school year in college. 

Even if I didn’t get in any of the companies I may have wished for my internship, I was lucky to find a company where I had a chance to utilize my skills and creativity in my writing and photography. It was pretty stressful initially when I was not getting any response from any of the fifteen companies I applied to. Thankfully it all worked out in the end. I even had fun and made it feel like a vacation with a classmate that became roommate and friend. I was feeling less claustrophobic when I was in our shared apartment in BGC, Taguig, away from the many reasons for my stress and anxiety. I was able to let myself forget about it at least during those short two months during break. 

Going straight into the start of 4th year with unresolved issues and things that needed to be done, my stress and anxiety kicked into overdrive as schoolwork and personal issues at home gradually stacked up against me. By the end of the semester I was completely wound tight and sensitive as hell where I felt at any moment I could break. There were some close calls close to the end that’s for sure. Especially with some family drama that nearly buried me in an emotional quicksand. I ended up breaking down in front of my teacher for thesis because I thoroughly let myself down on that one. I was in no shape to complete it in time for the scheduled defense that was a few weeks ago. When it all comes down to it, no one is harder on me than myself. I put the high expectations on me and when I don’t meet them or make a mistake or complete it short of perfection, I dwell on it to no end. Then there was the matter of film and theatre class, where if I were back home, I may have enjoyed and been extremely enthusiastic about but alas due to my poor fluency in Tagalog I wasn’t able to truly be a part of the major projects we had to complete. I ended up taking roles that were so far away from what I really wanted to contribute but as the stories were in a language and culture that I still didn’t fully understand, I was in no way able to contribute in the way I would have wanted to anyway.(One of the brighter spots of film was being able to share some of my favorite films of all time and also participate in our groups documentary on a Badjao community despite being in pain and sick more than half the time. Seeing and meeting some of the people with their strength and courage and determination despite their hardships, really helps one put things in perspective.) With the organizations I am a part of, even if I had a minor role in all three, I still didn’t feel up to the task. I really kind of played dead dog for most of my responsibilities in ISO. 

Honestly, this semester and even last semester, I felt myself ever so slightly detach from everything and kind of just mechanically go through the motions just managing to barrel through out of sheer need to complete my four years in college, do well and graduate. This semester is the first time in over four years where I found myself nearly having an anxiety attack. Not once, but three times. Once during debate when my brain refused to memorize my speech and then I fucked up completely during the recitation for my midterms. (I’m just thankful that my written speech helped me pick my grade up for that. Writer I may be, but speaker I sorely am not) It didn’t help that I still get a bit of stage fright every once in a while. Then the second was when my cousin messaged me about my mother having a schizophrenic episode and that it was causing drama and issues. The third one was during one of our theatre rehearsals and that one had no initial trigger except my stupid bronchitis that refused to go away that came out of a cold that has lasted frakking forever. Toss in several emotional breakdowns and smoking a ciggy after three years ciggy free and I could say I was down for the count. These past holidays of Thanksgiving and then Christmas were kind of meh considering I was sick for the first one and ma and I both were sick for the latter. But I pretty much had been sick on and off all this past semester and throw in my fibromyalgia kicking in worse than its been in the past four years, bringing spasms of pain that brought me to tears and bouts of insomnia this entire past year, 2018 brought more pain in more ways than one than anything else. I’m just thankful my ma, pop and family and friends (and my possessed cat, Gandalf) are still healthy and those that aren’t so much are on the road to being so, hopefully soon. 

This new year 2019 is hopefully the year where I finally meet one of my lifetime goals of graduating and getting a college degree. After so much work and sacrifice not only from me but my parents, I need to reach that goal. I will be starting my fourth year second semester at the end of this month but before that hopefully will have completed our final film and theatre projects as well as getting some traction in completing my thesis that is now not a solo one as I included three classmates to be a part of it. At the end of the day, even if I had wanted my thesis, that I started with on my own, to be solely mine, I had to consider my health both mentally and physically which became the deciding factor in no longer trying to push myself in such a way that would’ve hurt me rather than help. As I near graduation, I will set out in determining what I want to do afterwards. Whether I stay here (that’s only if I get an opportunity down the road) or go back to the States or go to another country has yet to be determined. If I were to go back to the States, I’d then have to decide which state I’d be moving to. Or rather, WE would be moving to. We as in me and mother. Yes, my mom is a big factor in my decision. She has to be, there’s no point deluding myself that I would be comfortable with any other scenario. I’ve watched over that woman pretty much all my life and have been a sort of parent-like person for her since I was a kid. As she grows older and goes deeper into her schizophrenia and becomes more fragile, I cannot in my heart think of any other alternative other than keeping her with me. It’s not some martyrdom complex or anything like that, it’s just how I am wired. Even with all my issues and the mental, emotional and physical toll it has taken on me, I love my mom and she brought me up the best way she knew how or could do. I can’t fault her for her illness and I can’t ignore the fact that she needs me as much as I need to know she is ok...as ok as she is capable of being. I may gripe and such but let’s face it, these are the cards I was dealt and I’ve managed all this time somehow and I’m pretty sure as I get older and wiser I’ll get better and better at doing so. But for the most part I can say I’m at peace with my decision (even when a tiny voice inside my head screams at me WTF are you thinking!!! HEEELP MEEE!) Now I’m just torn between should I stay or should I go (now. ....sorry had to. As I was typing those words I was singing it dammit!!!) And if I go, go where exactly? What do I do with my cat? How tf am I getting the beloved furry pain in my butt to come with me? What best fits not only my needs but my mothers and (if my furbaby is coming) Gandalf? New York? (That’s expensive AF) San Francisco? (SAME! but but SWEATER WEATHER LOVE!!!) L.A. (I’m not gonna lie, my home city is the last choice on my short list) Seattle? (perhaps but can my ma stand the so called gloomy weather which I am partial to?) S.A. (STOP! HAULT! DO NOT GO THERE! Though I have many fond memories and do love the city in many ways including my family and friends..and cheaper rent per square foot...and delicious bbq...I just can’t...cuz politics, namely its states’ politics. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want my tree hugging, In-N-Out loving ass either anyhow.) I guess I can only say We’ll see. As I get closer to the end of my fourth year I’ll be more sure of which direction I’d want to go but so many things can still happen from now to then so I just want to leave myself open to any possibility that I may not have even thought of. 

So besides all that ‘off to the future I go’ crap, lets see...what do I want to see myself accomplish this year. I...

Must read more books (last year was depressing af for my bookwormish self as I only read three books, actually technically two were only completed in 2018 but I started in 2017. Now that’s sad for someone who used to down one to two books a day and read as she walked) 

Must get rid of more of my shit (I actually have been slowly accomplishing this little by little but seeing as it is nearing the end of my time at UB I must do this in its entirety by the middle of the year.) 

Must write at least one script of my own and complete it. (I have a few synopsis ideas written down, I just need to sit my butt down and make it a full story) 

Hope to go to Tokyo, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and again to South Korea. (At least Tokyo I hope for this year) 

Must lose the weight I gained only during this past semester. (I can only fit my rollies into two of my jeans and both have holes, one was bought that way and the other lost the battle with a tricycle and a school chair) 

Must cook more (I actually have been little by little doing just that, thanks to Instagram people who post recipes that motivate my lazy ass into wanting to cook what’s in the picture.) 

Must regularly volunteer again(Unfortunately I haven’t taken much time to do any since I’ve been here. Hopefully once my workload at school eases I can finally take the time to do this. It’s one of the things I love doing with my time because it’s the time when I can do something that isn’t for me but for someone else which I guess in a way is also for me in the sense that it just makes me feel good.) 

Must explore more of the Philippines (hopefully after I graduate we can do this) 

Hope to get to Guru level on Gurushots (only need to mark off four more of the criteria to get there) 

Hope to learn a third language (I’m thinking either Spanish or Korean since I at least know some vocabulary and short phrases already. The fact that I would love to be able to watch my kdramas without subtitles definitely gives me the incentive to lean toward the latter.) 

Hope to get more than four hours of sleep on average. (I would love that, only if my neighbors (front, both sides and back) dogs and Gandolf agree to keep it quiet during the wee hours in the morning)  

Must follow my daily, weekly, monthly goal checklist for more than just one month (yup that’s pretty much all that it lasted give or take a few weeks then days, last year) 

If I can manage to even complete a fourth of that which is mentioned above, I will have done this long ass blog entry justice. So if y’all managed to reach the end of all this ridiculousness, I wish to say to you HAPPY NEW YEAR and may this year and the many years to come bring you all you hope for and more. Let’s 2019 the shit out of this frakking year and make it our bitch!!!

(At least I can say with this yearly blog entry that I’ve managed to keep this one and only friggin tradition during New Years)

[whateverisbeautiful]

Richonne in Retrospect

#24: The Instinct (5x03)

Alright, so I love that a lot of the episodes in season 5 really established in both direct and subtle ways that Rick and Michonne had become very much a unit. 🙌🏾

And an example of a subtle way that this was illustrated is in this dinner scene in 5x02.

First; y’all the little interactions with Rick and Judith in this scene is too adorable. 😊☺️ Like it’s seriously precious and then it becomes even more precious when you see Michonne walk over to them and connect with the baby before sitting next to Rick. Look at this mom, dad, and daughter, y’all.😭

I love that this subtle bit of choreography in the scene does an effective job of just reminding us that these characters are close and will only be getting closer.

(Side note: And now I’m emotional knowing that it’ll be just the three of them from here on out. 😭😭😭  Especially seeing how much Carl was the caretaker for Judith in these episodes, it just adds to the heartbreak even more.)

So, during this dinner, everyone is in a particularly good mood, like a “we survived some crazy cannibals and we don’t have to wander around the woods in long montages anymore” good mood. 😋

And then Abraham brings up how they’re all strong and survivors but it’s not just a compliment it’s his opener for his pitch to go to Washington.

I like that as Abraham talks they keep cutting to Rick, Michonne, and Judith cuz not only does it feel like they’re a family, it feels like they’re the ones who are going to make the call.

And sure enough, Judith is the one to make the call lol. 😋 It’s a cute moment and seeing that Rick glances over to Michonne before declaring that they’re in is a nice subtle touch to further solidify the unit they’ve become. I love that his instinct is to look to her.

And Michonne seems pretty relieved when Rick says they’re in. To me, it’s supposed to be a glimpse of how important it is to her that they all find a place to go and make their home. And we see how adamant she is about them finding a home a lot more in the latter half of the season.

During this dinner, Rick goes to talk/threaten Father Gabriel lol. But I bring up this scene just cuz I appreciate Rick saying that these people are his family and basically that he won’t hesitate to do what he has to do to protect them. 

And it’s sweet cuz, you know by this point Rick seriously considers Michonne family and if he considered her family in these past seasons then I feel like he def consider her his wife now. 💯

So then there’s 5x03, “Four Walls and a Roof” which is also a really good episode imo, and Bob really killed that “tainted meat” scene in the beginning. Like when he was yelling “tainted meat” that really had me like…

There’s not too many major interactions between Rick and Michonne directly in this episode but there’s still some Richonne significance.

First I just like that in the little dispute Rick and Abraham have over taking the bus, Michonne is behind Rick and clearly is ready to have his back in this. 👏🏽

And then when they go out to look for Gareth and his group, there’s that chilling scene of them walking away from the church as Gareth’s group head toward the church.

And when Rick and them do arrive back at the church, Michonne is right there with Rick in this brutal takedown of these twisted people. 

Like the other characters that are watching this all sort of look a little shook and like this is a lot to take in, but R&M are the two who seem to most understand that this is what had to be done. Cut from the same cloth, y’all. 👌🏽

Also this was an especially successful endeavor cuz Michonne gets her sword back so…

Like her getting her sword back really is one of the best reunions of the show lol. 

The part of this episode that I most felt a Richonne connection was in Bob’s final words to Rick. 

Bob tells Rick how before the prison he didn’t know if anybody good was left, similar to Michonne before the prison. And Bob expresses how Rick helped prove him wrong and showed him there were good people left. Similar to Michonne, who saw more and more that Rick and Carl were good people.

And then Bob tells Rick how he took people in and this will become particularly important to Richonne when Rick bring this conversation up to Michonne later in the season, as he seems to be realizing more and more when to let people in.

I love the line “Nightmares end but they shouldn’t end who you are.” and I feel like Rick and Michonne finding each other really helped the nightmare-state they were in when they first met to end.

And their presence in each other’s lives allowed them to become more of who they are rather than let this world make them lose themselves too drastically. 

Basically, “That’s so Bob” stayed preaching, y’all. I’m here for it. 😋 

Later, as Abraham and co are about to head out, Abraham tells Rick that when the world bounces back they should be there for it. And Maggie says, “They will be” to which Michonne confirms, “We will” and of course Homeboy very happily co-signs with her and reiterates, “We will.” I love it cuz that moment just felt very much like a husband agreeing with his wife. ☺️ 

This really is the Husband and Wife season 😌 (regardless of a storyline with a chick I don’t know lol)

Also, watching these episodes, I realized they put Rick and Michonne around couples a lot. Like on the run in 5x02 they went with Bob and Sasha and in this scene it’s Glenn and Maggie and Rick and Michonne and I feel like it’s another one of those subtle visual ways of alluding to the couple they are.

And it’s sweet to know that whether they stay or go, one thing is for certain, these two are staying together. 😊

This episode ends with Michonne sitting alone guarding the church and it reminded me of Rick sitting and guarding the car they were in, in the season 4 finale. And to me it just confirms they have that same protective instinct for their family.

And then Father Gabriel sits with her and talks about how he can’t sleep. And when he talks about how he can still “hear them”, Michonne says, “Yeah that won’t stop…but it won’t be all the time.”

One; I think it’s sweet that Michonne is able to connect with Father Gabriel and he clearly sensed how Michonne was a genuine person because, despite being skeptical of a lot of the group, he felt he could confide in her.

Two; The main reason I like this line is because it shows how Michonne is in a much better place now than when she was first introduced. She’s now at a point where she knows that torment won’t be all the time and I think it’s in finding a family in Rick and Carl that helped her see that. 

This line is almost like her way of saying that in some ways, not all ways, but in some ways she’s seen the nightmare end and she has more hope now that things aren’t all bad. 

And I think that’s one of the most valuable things Rick and Michonne gave to each other; this hope that things can get better. And the more they let each other in the more things got better.👌🏽😊

[pafsins2]

Everything Wrong With Everything Wrong With Across the 2nd Dimension

…Well, this is different. Over on Deviant Art, I’ve started doing Sins post for Sins video/posts because why not. Also, it’s fun and I got the idea from CinemaSinsSins and others.

And since I’m the most sinful person I know, I figured I’d sin one of my posts. I did myself in general, but it’s time to attack a full post. I picked the movie since it’s longer and thus has more problems. Time to see how wrong I am!

(Posting it here instead of DA cuz why not)

ORIGINAL POST: https://pafsins.tumblr.com/post/146397916776/everything-wrong-with-across-the-2nd-dimension

 1.I messed up the formatting and instead of taking the time to fix it, I just linked to someplace else I put this up on. Fixing it turned out to be easy so why didn’t I  do here?

2.”Wasn’t a Goozim a lot smaller in Doof’s flashback, or are they just bigger in this dimmension?” Likely the latter. Either way, it doesn’t matter.

3.”That’s the most abrasive alarm clock ever” Not really, it seems like more of a light prodding. Besides, I’d love an alarm clock that does that, to be honest.

4.”Candace just forgot she put a picture on a beloved stuff animal?” A Flaky teenager forgot something? I’m so surprised.

5.”How many Platypus themed sports are there?” That’s the joke.

6..”Yikes, Monogram did not age well.”That is not a sin, that is stating the obvious.

7.”It’s set up like this thing with the saftey on will be important, but it never is.” Again, that’s the joke. Also, not really.

8.”A woman of science who hangs out with kids that frequently defy the laws of physics” Jokes, do you understand them?!

9.Also, you forgot the quote you’re replying to, anyone who hasn’t seen the movie or doesn’t remember the line won’t know what you’re talking about.

10.”This whole thing starts because Doof wants a couch” Besides that being the joke,not really. I imagine he would have stepped into the portal to see what is on the other side even if the couch wasn’t there.

11.”Ballon-y can be seen all over the place, even though he shouldn’t exist here since Doof made him because he he had no friends, and that didn’t happen in this world”.

When did they ever say that? We just know things went better for Doof-2 and he lost the train, but they never state that this exact thing didn’t happen. There’s plenty of reasons he could have better Balloon-y in this world.

12.”“Just in case, vending machines become the dominant race!” You know some nut out there actually thinks this, thanks to thism ovie” Funny joke but not a sin.

13.”I see they save the “charecter finds out the big secret” plot for this movie.” I get how the use of the cliche is a sin but how is saving it for the movie a sin?

14.“You could have been cleaning your litter box this whole time?” That’s one of your biggest concerns about this?” Joke, that’s the.

15.”I’m with Doof, something as simple as that caused all this?” Sigh.

16.”This bit with Phineas-2 and Perry is so sad it’s sin because shut up.” Translation: It’s been more than a minute without a sin so I listed a random thing as a sin because reasons.

17.”Don’t think you can outlaw a season. You can outlaw Summer vacation though. Choose your words carefully, guys.” Oh shut up, you’re just being pedantic.

18.”Perry could find a way to explain to Phineas why he’s doing this, but whatever, this works too.” Phineas didn't exactly give him much of a chance to do. That should have been the sin here.

19.”Once again, good thing a Tv was here so they could see the news update.” In this case, it’s the TV Turning on that was convenient, no the TV itself. Yes that’s pedantic, shut up.

20.”It’s convincent that time works the exact same way in the 2nd dimension, not a second off.” Spongey is fine with a parallel dimension, but when that parallel dimension’s time works the same, that’s crossing the line Dammit!

21.”Candace-2 is a dick to the first dimmension people.” That’s the point

22.”The first scene is repeated, but with dialogue that clearly wasn’t there before.” Do you get points and jokes at all?

23.”How do half of these dimensions even work?” Doesn’t matter, these are just quick gags.

24.”These Citizens see crazy crap all the time but a bunch of robots has them running?” Robots coming out a portal is more alarming than anything P&F have done.

25.”I’m not sure how to word this but I’m sure this whole bit where someone planned out all this crazy stuff in adance that will now help the heroes get ready for the climax is a cliché. It’s also convenient.” Yes, but given how they set it up by establishing they clone Doof’s inventions, it at least makes sense.

26.“But it was obvious in Retrospect” “Buford is now smarter than most of the other kids. Huh.” He’s shown to be slightly smart before and after, how is this a sin?

27.”Quickest Villain Reformation ever.” You know the drill.

28.”How did Monogram and Carl get here so dang fast without anyone noticing?” The first part is fine but the 2nd part doesn’t matter.

29.”. I’d iked to hear Doof’s thoughts on all this. Guess he doesn’t agree cuz he’s locked in that Hannib Lector thing” You just pointed out why this is not a sin.

30.”Both this and the other Vanessa scene feel like those kind of deleted scenes that wouldn’t affected the film all that much if they were left in. The nature of them makes me think they were made FOR this  DVD, almost.” But that would have made Wannessa’s absence later on even more of a sin.

31.”If this was in the movie, it would be the first sign something is up as Doof-1 is pretty okay with her boyfriends usually, while Doof-2 is the “Boyfriend hating Dad” cliché” Yes. You’re point is…

32.”Guess this explains why more memories weren’t erased, but are they really that stupid?…Don’t answer that.” Too Bad: Yes.

SINS POST SIN TALLY: 32

SENTENCE: …

BONUS ROUND: Spelling/Grammar Errors!

(Errors in bold)

33.“or are they just bigger in this dimmension?”

“Wait, so Phineasc just wars a bland shirt-”+2

36.“Phineas looks way older then he did in the Flashback-”

37.“spoiling the twist/joking-”

38.”I don’t to remind but I’ll do it anyway” (Missing the “Need” in there)

39.“It’s set up like this thing with the saftey on will be important, but it never is.”

40..“Ballon-y can be seen all over the place-”

41.“You know some nut out there actually thinks this, thanks to thism ovie.”

42.Too many dumb visuals refernces too count..+

43.“I can’t help but notice that you’re scar goes over your eyepatch”

44.“If he truly meant Leorzna Llamas-”

“I see they save the “charecter finds out the big secret” plot for this movie.” + 2

47.“Gee it’s Trap” (Should be  A trap)

48.“It’s convincent that time works-”

49.“Candace-2 is a dick to the first dimmension people.”

50.“The bat head being from another dimension makes to much sense”

51.“I’m not sure how to word this but I’m sure this whole bit where someone planned out all this crazy stuff in adance-”

52.“Somethng from outside is mistaken for 3D” cliché”

53.“Add a sin of the WOLVERINES bit being a reference-”

54.“(who now has a change of clothes for some reson)”’

55.“. I’d iked to hear Doof’s thoughts on all this. Guess he doesn’t agree cuz he’s locked in that Hannib Lector thing.”

56.“Damn it, I don’t it do this so soon after the last one but…”(Should be “don’t usually”)

SINS POST SIN TALLY: 56

SENTENCE: Eaten by a Goozim

…Well, that was different and fun. For those who don’t follow my DA, check it out for more Sin Sins. Otherwise, head on to SpongeBob Sins next week for the return of it.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

Hi. I’m the one who left that Josh/Amy comment on your fic here awhile ago. This might sound weird, but I wanted to say that if you ever want to discuss Josh/Donna & Josh/Amy, I’m up for it. I have a hard time sometimes with the latter because I can’t “ multiship,” but I recognize their importance for Josh’s character development.

Hi! That doesn’t sound weird. I’ll talk about TWW anytime, really any aspect of it. :) I’m an endless multishipper, and also a lifelong fan of Mary-Louise Parker, so I think I am more of a fan of Amy and Josh/Amy than most Josh/Donna devotees. They’re still my faves and I adore them, but I also love Josh/Amy in a “they were never going to work but they have a beautiful aesthetic appeal and I’m always down for totally hopeless pining” sort of way.

(This is gonna be really long. I’m sleep-deprived and rambling all my thoughts at this point without aiming for brevity; read at your own risk of confusion and/or boredom.)

So…Josh/Amy. My personal take on them is that I love them both individually, and they just weren’t well-suited. Amy’s entire personality is about pushing back against things, and Josh’s is about fighting but not pushing too hard, so she never respected his limits because she never respected ANY kind of status quo and the thing is that politically, I support that. It made her both an ally AND an antagonist for the Bartlet administration, which of course means we were rooting for them and not necessarily her, but just like with Stackhouse in S4, the centrist government needed liberal radicals–not to let them burn the house down, like she often tried to do…but to TRY to do that, to keep tugging them left so that they didn’t ever completely lose sight of what they wished they could do in face of the opposition.

I haven’t slept, so to try and make that sound clearer…those who actually have to govern can’t try to throw out all the rules and do whatever it takes, like Amy was willing to do to get what she believed was right. When Josh tried, he’d tend to cause the biggest messes and get into fights with the President or Leo or Bruno. BUT if they, as an administration, didn’t have interest groups and lobbyists who were unrealistically radical in their goals, then the conservatives they needed to negotiate with would always have the ability to pull them further right? So it’s like Amy and her ilk helped maintain the balance, of outside interests that contributed to what the government was able to justify doing. Hopefully that makes any sense at all. (Seriously, I’ve been up all night.)

PERSONALLY, though, of course Josh should have been able to state clearly that some things were off limits and have Amy respect that. To her, the political was personal and vice versa and her ideals mattered more than anything else, including her relationships. Again, on a political level, I get that! I’m a romantic in my personal life, but I totally understand making your life the pursuit of equality or justice or whatever your beliefs are–to the exclusion of all else. But it meant she and Josh were always doomed.

Do I think their relationship made sense though, and mattered? Absolutely. Amy’s smart, and she gets him. Not like Donna does, because nobody sees him like Donna does, but Amy gets him well enough to be his only major romance in the entire show before he and Donna get it together in S7…and it’s completely because she knows him well enough to know that he needs to be ‘hit over the head.’ There’s a reason why his crush on Joey Lucas goes nowhere, and it’s not for lack of adorableness: it’s because Joey expects him to stand up and make a move, if he’s interested, and Josh is too awkward and avoidant in his workaholic way, to be that guy.

It’s Donna who makes her interest clear, before they finally sleep together. It’s Donna who sweeps into his room after that and takes him by surprise, and it’s Donna who invites him to go for a walk or something. Before that, it’s the woman with the telescope who drives him out for a not-quite-date and gets his full attention…and it’s Amy who throws a water balloon at him, because she’s interested and she knows that nothing will happen unless she makes the first move. 

(For that matter, it’s Donna who points out in S2 that his M.O. is to NOT ask a girl out on a date but instead to “randomly tumble into a girl sideways and hope she breaks up” with him soon. So of course it’s Amy who gets things rolling, and then Josh is hooked. She knows how to hook him.)

Anyway, I think their relationship is important for his character development but also for Josh/Donna, because before Amy, nobody’s seriously turned Josh’s head. He has an obvious crush on Joey, but nothing happens, and Donna clearly figures out quickly that nothing’s going to, so then she feels comfortable trying to nudge him in Joey’s direction. If it’s not gonna happen, then there’s no reason to fear the loss of their dynamic.

But with Amy…Josh makes a real effort with Amy. He lets her push past the boundaries he tries to establish, mixing work and their relationship. He turns off the TV for Amy and tries to be the kind of guy who can leave the job behind for a weekend. It’s about as serious between them as it could be, when they were only sometimes on the same team.

So when Donna says, “A whole new chapter begins,” in S4, that’s the most directly snarky we’ve ever seen her. She’s so nice about Joey, even OVERLY supportive, enough that smart, savvy Joey Lucas is paying better attention than Josh himself and can tell that Donna’s worried. But while Donna starts out there with Amy, chatting to Josh on the phone while he’s with her, teasing and keeping up their usual banter…over time she gets sort of obviously sick of it. 

And even just from a friend perspective, that makes sense. Amy’s not good for Josh, and he’s not that good for her either, cuz he’ll never be willing to capitulate as much as she wants and honestly they’re both people who want to be right all the time but who see government from completely different perspectives and Josh IS his job and Amy threatens his job which means threatening his actual identity…

Which is why I love the way Donna gets exasperated and implies that Amy doesn’t understand Josh well enough at the end of S4. Because I’m not sure that she’s right about that, I’m not sure that THAT’s the issue, I think it’s just as likely that Amy knows most of his insecurities but she isn’t willing to ever let up and cater to them…but either way of course Donna wants nothing more than to make that stop, of course she wishes that Amy would just GET IT and be a little gentler with Josh because Donna sees the scarred parts of him, she was there after Rosslyn and after his father died and she’s willing to push him when he needs it but she also wants to protect him.

Amy as far as I can tell has zero desire to protect him, and most of the time she’s happy to USE him, along with every single other method/tool/way she can think of to get what she wants. And if he were like her, that single-minded and unsentimental, sort of, then they’d maybe be less toxic as a couple. But he’s not. He’s good at his job but he also has limits and boundaries and tries to rein himself in because otherwise he fucks things up–and he’s got a very tender heart under all that swagger, and so the way Amy approaches the tension between their romance and their conflicting jobs? Josh would never do that. 

He’ll fight and try to win, but I honestly don’t think he’d ever fight as dirty as Amy is willing to, because some things still matter more to him than winning. Despite his bravado, it’s not ALWAYS the most important thing, and he doesn’t ALWAYS see the issues in black and white. But Amy’s crusading, not just legislating, and she does.

However, with all that being said, I don’t see her as some ubervillain, and I don’t hate her, and I don’t even see her as an obstacle to Josh/Donna. He and Donna weren’t ready in the early years, and for me his relationship with Amy was a totally separate thing. An unhealthy cycle in which they could never be really good for each other, even though they wanted to be, yes–but not at all a threat to what he had with Donna, not really, because he and Amy weren’t meant to last, and he and Donna were. 

But I love him with Amy in that sad doomed way, because I love the way he smiles at her when he realizes she’s flirting (I wish Josh more happiness always and less lifelong angst) and I believe she means it when she says she misses him (but only once he can’t hear her) and even though I was always ALWAYS rooting for Josh/Donna, that completely silent scene between Josh and Amy in S5 with her painted toes and her inability to stop talking? That whole thing is art. Even if I didn’t like them, I think I would still love that scene, because the staging and the acting and lighting is just all so gorgeous.

So, yeah. I like the way that the show makes their issues obvious from the start and never really shies away from them. I love that they’re self-aware enough that Amy can tell Abbey basically that they don’t work but have chemistry, because that one exchange explains their four years of interactions, always. I love how sad they are by S6, when he no longer has Donna in his life but that doesn’t mean seeing Amy will go anywhere, because their problems were so much bigger than the fact that he’s loved Donna for years whether he was willing to face it or not. 

I love that by S7 when he’s finally with Donna, he still gets that slightly awed look on his face when Amy’s at the memorial, not because he still wants her, but because she’ll never stop figuratively hitting him over the head, surprising him even if it’s just by appearing when he least expects her–and I love the way he can be sort of fond with her, now that he’s loved and happy, but she has a bitter edge when it comes to them and to her new guy, because romance is never going to be her priority enough that it’ll be what MAKES her happy. Somebody she doesn’t constantly fight for dominance in the world she cares most about is really the best she can hope for…but I think she wanted that person to be Josh, just not in a way that meant she was able to give a little.

And as for my fic and our bit of a comment chat there, I think whether he loved Amy and she loved him is up for interpretation because the show never states it outright–but in my opinion he loved her a lot, enough to keep trying long after it hurt, enough to let her push him and make his job harder and to see it as a personal insult when she worked with Stackhouse and when she fed lines to candidates besides Santos. I think he was fully able to love both her and Donna, in different ways, without making either less valid.

It seems to me that what he had with Amy was a little bit similar to what he had with Mandy, but with better chemistry between the actors. And I think that in the post-canon world where Amy works with the Santos adminstration, she and Josh probably work well together sometimes, fight a lot still over policy and the best course of action, and are never able to quite be friends, not in the way they could have been if they hadn’t loved each other and hurt over it not working out.

(Tangentially related side note: I think there are sort of weird parallels between Donna and Amy when it comes time for J/D to actually have a shot, and I’m still not sure how I feel about that but I’ve never mentioned it on my blog either so why not now.)

TL DR; I love Amy Gardner as a character and even though Josh and Donna are my faves I love the pain of watching Amy and Josh try so hard…because there’s something so relatable and human in the fact that they both want it to work but wanting it isn’t enough to make it healthy or even possible. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #152

“if mary was only 14 when she had jesus, what does that make god?”

What’s something you initially disliked, but ended up liking? Uhhh... I'm drawing a blank right now. If you’re interested in having a long term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter?  I think it's a smart idea.  To me personally, sex should be an intimate experience with someone you love, not with someone you don't know deeply. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No, never snooped on someone. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made?  No, I've never really had to make big money decisions. Do you think it’s a good idea for kids’ sports teams to not keep score, or do you think that’s going overboard in trying to show sensitivity? I think you shouldn't keep score.  Teach children how to have fun for the sake of fun, not winning. Name a movie that you dislike but everyone else seems to love. Why do you dislike it? Drawing a blank again. *shrugs* Are you good at compromising or are you more of a “my way or the highway” kind of person?  I'm pretty nice at compromising, but of course it's going to depend on the case sometimes. Do you know any couples who sleep in separate beds? Do you think that if a couple makes that decision, they will eventually break up/divorce?  Yes, because one of them snores loudly.  But that doesn't mean they're gonna break up... Have you ever had a horrible boss or teacher? Did you ever confront them about it?  No, thankfully. Does it usually take awhile for you to completely come to terms with your emotions after something big happens or do you let it all out right away?  It's kinda both.  But mostly the former; I deeper understand what I'm feeling then. Is Thanksgiving an important holiday to you? Who did you spend last Thanksgiving with?  Honestly no, not really.  I should appreciate it more than I do for the sake of its concept. How far into your current (or last) relationship did you start thinking about your future with that person? Probably too early to be considered normal lmao. Are you a believer in “signs” from the universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in.  Mom is suuuper into surgeries/seeing how the body works, and Dad's good at building shit I guess lmao. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them?  Tbh yeah lol.  I do NOT take people underestimating my abilities kindly.  That's one reason the breakup was so bad. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Ehhhmmm.  I don't think I've done something in hopes of making someone jealous. Ever been kissed under fireworks?  No, but #goals. Which of your friends lives closest to you?  Colleen.  AKA, the only friend whose location I know. Do you like calling or texting better?  Don't call me, like ever lol. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?  When I learned Mom and I couldn't go to the P!atD concert.  It's been a week or two and I'm still bummed. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?  ....... Does any human being on Earth believe it's wrong?????? Do you talk dirty to people?  HUNNY I couldn't even talk dirty in the middle of my ex and I doing shit lmao. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?  Dad; we talked on the phone a bit. The last thing you heard?  I'm listening to "Demons Are A Girl's Best Friend" by Powerwolf on repeat asjfdakjwi I'm addicted. Have you ever been to an animal shelter?  Yeah. Does it rain a lot where you live?  I wouldn't necessarily say a lot?  Afternoon thunderstorms are just about daily in the peak of summer, though. Do you live in the suburbs?  No. If you have a dog, does it bark a lot?  Ugh, both of them.  Slightest noise outside our house or in our driveway, it's over. What are your 3 top favorite movies?  The Lion King, Finding Nemo, and then probably The Lion King II. Can you juggle?  No. Who was your favorite Disney princess as a child?  Ariel. Who are your style icons?  Like every serious goth in the world give me money to afford this style. Do you believe in an afterlife?  I really do.  Will it be wonderful, bad, lonely, peaceful, reunited with our loved ones, who knows, but I believe in something good. What do you fear most about death?  The possibility there is no afterlife.  I obviously wouldn't exist anymore so wouldn't experience anything, but.  I never want my essence to vanish. What is your favorite country?  Dunno. Glitter or feathers?  I'm a glitter bitch. Have you ever self harmed?  Yeah. What is your favorite type of cake?  Red velvet. Who was your favorite author as a child?  Erin Hunter. Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything?  Um, everyday???? Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep?  Yes, if it's too late to nap but too early to sleep.  And this one time I had a paranormal experience and I was terrified to. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic?  Maybe around an hour during a roadtrip? Best field trip experience?  5th grade zoo trip with Dad, my then-best friend, and her mother. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before?  Nothing impressive. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced?  We've had plenty, who knows. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class?  I've never gone to sleep in class. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert?  No. Are your parents supportive of you?  Yes, Mom especially. Has your mom ever directly told you that she favored your other sibling(s) over you?  No. Do your folks still have sex? Does it disgust you?  They're divorced so y'know. Do you like dried fruit (e.g. bananas, mangos, plums, etc.)?  NO. Can you stand eating the crusts of a slice of sandwich bread?  Yes, but it's my least favorite, so I eat it first to get it out of the way. Do you sleep with your window open at night?  Hell naw I don't want no Welcome to the Game shit. Do you do your homework at home or in class? Or how about in class the day it’s due?  I liked to start it in class if I could, but did the rest at home. When did you last see your parents?  I saw Dad a few days back at Ryder's b-day party, and I saw Mom this morning. Does it bother you when people get too obsessed about stupid stuff?  I feel like you're coming for me. What is the one fast food restaurant you have NEVER been to?  Denny's. Have you ever gotten to see the movie Twilight? Not the whole thing.  Nicole got it for Christmas and played it that day, and I stayed out in the living room with the family 'cuz yeah, Christmas. What was your favorite cartoon character as a kid?  Courage, probably. Do you live in a house or an apartment?  House. Do you live in the city or country?  Country. Do you take any prescription drugs?  Yeah. What is the one TV show you could watch over and over again?  That '70s Show. What is your favorite animal?  Meerkats, specifically the Kalahari sub-species. Who were the last 3 males you talked to?  Dad, Ryder, and Nick. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Did you like it?  White wine and I wanted to die. Have you ever had to claim insurance? What for?  No. Can you write in cursive?  Yeah, but I've forgotten one or two letters.  Not sure I recall the capital "g." Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope?  No. Where do you like to sit in the movie theater?  Middle. Do you normally finish one book before starting another?  When I read, I did. What is your favorite hot drink?  Hot chocolate. Do you wish you had a pool table? Omg so I would love to have like an arcade sorta room with stuff like that, but I doubt it'll happen. Is chest hair a turn-on? I wouldn't call it that for me personally.  I prefer none or little, but I'm not gonna find a guy unattractive just for that. Which has been the best year of your life so far?  2017.  Full of growth and good memories. Do you have a picture with your middle finger up? No, but admittedly I wanna have one of Sara and me kissing with one for the camera because gay pride to piss off homophobes lol. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?  I'd care if it was for non-medicinal use and illegal in the state. When is the last time you attended a church service?  Oh jeez.  Sometime last year when Colleen was in her super-religious phase. Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? If I'm making an effort to make conversation, yes.  If there's not really anything to respond to, no. If you could have a twin, would you?  No. If you had to give up your arms or your legs -which would it be?  Legs.  I cherish the use of my arms more. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?  If I'll be happy and content. If you had to be sick for the rest of your life would you choose something that kills you quickly & painfully, or bearably but slowly?  Yikes, not sure.  I guess the latter?  I don't want to just abruptly leave my loved ones. Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex?  Not yet. :P What is the coolest band name you have ever heard?  Definitely some kind of heavy or death metal band.  Off the top of my head, I think Cradle of Filth sounds wicked. Who was the last smoker you were around? Did they smoke around you?  Dad, and yes. Who do you know that can make you feel better if you’re not feeling happy?  Sara and certain YouTubers. Are you more talkative over the Internet?  YEAH DEFINITELY. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret?  Nah.  Loved him then, whatever. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret?  Yeah. Where do you wanna go for vacation?
  I'd love to go to the pink beaches in the Bahamas ahhhh Do you only wish the best for your ex?  Yeah.  I kinda even do with Jason, but at the same time, I want that fucker to see he will never find a perfect relationship, as he obviously wants judging from me and the girl he dated after me.  So I take that back, I don't think I wish the best for him until he learns his lesson. Do you change your phone background a lot?  No. Does a male or female sing the last song you listened to?  Male. Can you count in Roman numerals?  To a certain height.  I don't know what comes after "X"s.  Maybe "L?" What’s in your front yard?  Grass, a small tree, some small flowers... Have you ever lucid dreamed? Would you like to, or does the thought of being able to control your dreams scare you?  No, but it'd be cool to. Would you like the ability to read minds?  No. Do you know how to fish?  Yes. Did you/are you planning on going to college?  I'm going back in January. Have you ever built a snowman?  Yeah.  We rarely get the kind of snow that packs enough to make one, though. When was the last time you moved to a new house?  Over a year ago. Do you know any high school sweethearts? How’s life treating them? My best friend and her husband.  They still love each other and have a son now. Which is the scariest ride you have ever been on in a theme park? This ride that took you way too high up into the air then abruptly dropped & it was horrifying ahhhhhh