#i think the guy who hi-fived matt is chance btw

[byler-alarmist]

THE HAWKINS TIGERS BEATING UP DUSTIN AT THE GRAVEYARD?!?!?! BY EDDIES GRAVE?!?!! MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK

[matty-bear]

Heyy! I was wondering if I could request a sturniolo triplets x sister reader. She’s like 17/18 and they are doing a podcast episode with her, and they talk about childhood stories and maybe she plays football or something, or is really into art. Just an idea… love you fics btw!

A Trip Down Memory Lane

type: request ! 

pairing: sturniolo x little sister 

warnings: sfw, fluffy, lighthearted sibling banter 

summary: the triplets invite you to join one of their podcast episodes ! cue in the bickering and childhood memories 

notes: hope this is what you were wanting ^^ writing this was sm fun ! had a little trouble figuring out the childhood memories but i think i got the bickering down 🔥 happy reading ! hope you enjoy <3 

WC: 3425 

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“Good morning Campers and welcome back to the Cut The Camera Podcast!” Nick greets, a small smile toying at his lips as he looks at the camera before him. “It’s your favorite host… Not Matt, not Chris…” A few beats of silence pass by as the redhead leans closer to his mic. “Nick Stromboli.” 

Chris can be heard faintly giggling as Matt rolls his eyes. “I’m Matt.” The said male adds, holding up a small peace sign as he looks at his camera. 

“I wonder if someone will see that clip of you saying ‘Nick Stromboli’ and actually think that’s your last name,” Chris says as he leans towards his mic, his eyes shifting over at Nick who’s smiling proudly. 

The redhead’s smile falls as a thinking expression plays on his face. “No, because it’s crazy how I will instinctively say ‘Stromboli’ over and over again. Like the number of times I’ve said that instead of Sturniolo is getting a little worrisome.” 

“I’m Chris by the way!” The said male shouts with a large smile. He leans back in his chair and strums an imaginary air guitar for a moment before he returns in front of his mic. Nick adds to the boy's shenanigans by mimicking a few guitar noises before the brunette continues speaking. “Welcome to episode 35 of Cut The Camera Podcast. Today we have a very special episode for you guys  because we have a guest joining us today.” 

“She is sitting right across from me actually. Please, madmazel, introduce yourself to the viewers.” Nick dramatically brings his hand out in front of him and bows his head down. You roll your eyes at the sight and adjust the headphones on your head before looking straight into the camera across from you. 

“Hey guys! I’m y/n, it is very nice to be on here finally.” You greet, your voice soft as you gently speak into the mic. 

“How anticlimactic and boring was that.” You hear Matt mumble. You quickly whip your head around and narrow your eyes at the male who’s resting his head in his hand. 

“Says the one who said ‘I’m Matt’ and called it a day. You can’t be calling me boring when I said more words than you.” You sas, your statement earning a muffled giggle from Chris. Matt sends you a glare, the two of you locking eyes for a moment before he leans in closer to his mic. 

“Womp womp.” 

“Yeah, womp womp to you, kid. Let’s see if I beat you in talking today.” 

“OKAY!” Nick exclaims, a single hand raising as he cuts the bickering between you and Matt. “We’re not even five minutes in and you two are already fighting.” 

“Well, he started it.” You defend as you point an accusing finger towards Matt. Before the male gets the chance to retaliate, Nick cuts him off. 

“Enough! You will have the chance to argue later.” You roll your eyes and send another glare toward Matt as the older sticks his tongue out at you. “Anyways… Guys, this is our younger sister, y/n if you didn’t know.” 

“You guys don’t see her very often since she’s very camera shy and hates being on social media,” Chris adds as he reaches for the red solo cup in front of him. 

“What can I say, social media is a very toxic place.” You say with a shrug. 

“I completely agree.” You nod your head faintly when Nick points his finger at you. “Adding onto what Chris said about y/n being camera shy, we had to beg her to come on here for a week straight.” You send an innocent smile to your camera at the male’s statement and make a small heart with both your hands. 

“They almost gave up until I mentioned that we’d buy her food for a week,” Matt says, both his thumbs pointing toward Chris and Nick. 

“And Matt said he’d buy me a Fortnite skin!” You add. “I’m waiting for the item shop to refresh so I can make him buy the one I want.” 

“Okay, I knew about the food but not the skin,” Nick says, a single eyebrow raising as he looks over at Matt. 

“She made me add it,” Matt replies with a dramatic sigh. “She’s gonna run my pockets dry I kid you not.” 

“Yeah, yeah, you love me anyway.” 

“Do I?” A fake hurtful expression paints your face as you look over at Matt. 

“How rude.” You mumble with a frown. 

“Guys I'm kidding by the way. Don’t wanna stir up unnecessary drama.” Matt quickly blurts out as he points at his camera. 

“Say you love me back then.” You say, your arms crossing over your chest as you stare down at the older male. Matt takes a glance over at you before his gaze shifts over to Chris who gives him a small shrug. 

“I love you too.” Matt mumbles, earning a victorious smile from you. 

“Are you two done? Can we continue?” Nick asks, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he leans against the booth. 

“We’re done.” You reply with a smile. 

“Okay perfect.” Nick adjusts his posture and reaches for his phone to pull up his notes app. “So, y/n, would you care to tell the viewers a few things about yourself? You know like how old you are, what you like to do, basic stuff.”

“Of course!” You exclaim, you smile not faltering as you look into your camera. “Well for starters, I am 18 years old and my birthday is a week after the triplets’. Hate being the youngest because these fuckers are always teasing me about everything. Especially when it comes to potential love interests.”

“It’s called tough love and being protective.” Chris corrects as he points a single finger at you. 

“Yeah, yeah.” You take a moment to roll your eyes before you continue. “Anyways, there are some things that I enjoy while being the youngest but I don’t think that’s very important right now. As for hobbies, I enjoy art. Especially painting. I have a shit ton of art supplies and enjoy taking time out of my day to take my canvas, paintbrush, and a few paints outside to paint the world around me. I find it very calming and it helps with my anxiety quite a bit.” 

“Sorry for cutting you off. I have to say this real quick.” Nick says as he holds one of his hands out in front of him. You faintly nod your head at the redhead, letting him know he can continue. “y/n is actually really good when it comes to painting. Like especially her landscape works. If she lets me, I’ll post a photo of one of her works on my story after this podcast episode gets uploaded.” 

“Awh, thanks, Nick.” You say, a shy smile overtaking your lips as you begin to fidget with the few rings littering your fingers. 

“I agree with Nick. For my birthday y/n painted me the most beautiful forest landscape with a cabin. I have yet to put it up yet since I’m scared I’ll fuck it up so it’s just sitting on my desk.” Matt adds, the biggest smile creeping onto his lips as he taps back to the day you gave him the said painting. 

“Kid literally cried when she gave it to him. I don’t blame him though, it really is a sick-ass painting.” Chris hops onto the small compliment train as you find yourself sinking into the seat you're in, suddenly feeling a little shy. 

“I’m working on something for  you two by the way.” You speak up, your statement gaining the attention of all the boys as they quickly look over at you. “Nick’s is done, I'm just doing some finishing touches on yours, Chris.” Excited expressions can be seen on the two boy’s faces as they smile widely. 

“Don’t play with me, I’m so fucking excited.” Chris says as he hugs himself. 

“Can you send pics to me? I wanna see.” Matt asks as he sends you a large smile. 

“Yeah, I’ll send you pictures when I get home.” You reply with a small smile of your own. 

“Are you ready to move into the next topic, y/n?” Nick asks as he takes his phone back in his hand and scrolls through his list of questions. 

“Born ready.” You reply, firmly nodding your head as you sit at the edge of your seat and lean in closer to your microphone. 

“Alright…” Silence fills the studio for a moment before Nick asks the next question. “How is it like having triplet older brothers? Like in school or just in general.” 

“Hmm.. Interesting question.” A faint hum emits from your closed lips as you gently tap your pointer finger against your chin. “As for school, being in the same school as you guys was quite the experience. If I got the same teacher as one of you and the teacher recognized my last name, they would go on a small tangent about what it was like having you in the class. When it came to girls, it was pretty freaky considering how most of them tried to befriend me just so they could get closer to the y’all. So making friends that weren’t interested in using me to know my brother was a little tough. I did find a few friends though so I promise I'm not a lonely little fuck.” 

All three boys laugh in unison the moment the last sentence escapes your mouth. You simply shrug your shoulders and send your camera a tight-lipped smile before one of your brothers speaks up. 

“She’s lying, she has like two close friends right now.” Matt says, earning a loud, dramatic gasp from you. 

“Matt, what the fuck!” You exclaim, a hurtful expression playing on your face as you look over at the older male. “In my defense, I think that it’s better to have two close friends than 10 friends who are fake.” 

“She has a point.” Chris says as he gently nods his head. 

“y/n, continue.” Nick urges as he waves his hand out in front of him. 

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted.” You start, your eyes narrowing as you glare at Matt. “I also found it quite weird how girls would openly confess their feelings for one of you guys to my face. Like… Why are y'all telling me this, I'm not them. I also didn’t understand what they saw in you guys.” 

“Okay, rude.” Nick mumbles as he focuses his gaze on his phone. 

“Yall are my brothers so I could never see them how I saw you.” You defend with a shrug. “Anyways, outside of school was a whole different story. People didn’t know I was y’all’s sister unless they knew of my last name or if I was hanging out with you guys. Speaking of hangouts, I found it quite endearing how people would come up to us because they recognized you guys. Like you guys always talked out how being recognized in public was a dream of y'alls and seeing it happen was very heartwarming. Apart from being recognized, it was funny to see people’s reactions to seeing triplets just walking around minding their own business. It was like I was in a fucking zoo when I was with these three. I always had to tell people to mind their business because they just stand there and fucking stare. Like God, some people just have no manners sometimes.” 

“Yeah, some people act like we’re literal aliens. It’s fucking weird. Like hello, we’re regular human beings that just so happen to be triplets.” Chris chimes in as he rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, it’s fucking insane.” You agree as you nod your head faintly, your gaze shifting to Nick whose eyes are glued to his phone. 

“You texting your boyfriend over there?” You call. Your statement quickly catches the redhead’s attention as he quickly lifts his head, his face flushing as he locks eyes with you. “Did I miss something?” 

“No,” Nick replies flatly. 

“Why are you blushing then?” 

“I’m not?”

You send the older male a look as he avoids your intense gaze by looking back down at his phone. 

You were definitely gonna pry about this later. 

“Anyways, next topic,” Nick says after he clears his throat. “What are some of your favorite childhood memories that we were a part of?” 

“God there’s so many.” You start as you begin to gaze off into the distance, your mind running with countless old memories. “I’ll start with Chris and work my way up.” All three boys nod their heads and wait for you to continue to be lost in your thoughts for a moment longer before you finally continue. “I remember when dad took Chris out to play mini golf one day and I begged Jimmy to take me with him because I wanted to hang out with Chris. I vividly remember placing bets with Chris on who would make the most holes and the loser would have to jump in a bush and give up 20 bucks to the winner. Seeing Chris jump in a bush and humiliate himself in front of a group of girls was the highlight of my week.” 

“How old were you when this happened?” Matt asks with a laugh. 

“About nine.” You reply, faintly nodding as you look over at Chris who has his head buried in his hands. 

“So you’re telling me a nine-year-old beat you in a game of mini golf,” Nick states as he turns in his seat to also look over at Chris. 

“I let her win!”  The brunette defends as he points his pointer finger at you. 

“Did you really?” You ask, your jaw-dropping. 

“Yeah.” 

“We’re going out for another game of mini golf then because that’s fucked up.”

“Fine, we’re going this weekend.” 

“Same rules?”

“Same rules but we’re tripling the prize money.”

“Alright, word. You’re going down, Owen.” 

“Ooohh she said your middle name.” Nick coos as he bites back a laugh. 

Chris rolls his eyes, a smile creeping up onto his lips. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see this weekend.” 

“Guys, I'm gonna record our game and send it to Nick so you guys can see how badly I’ll destroy him.” You say as you stare into your camera. Chris shakes his head and makes a talking gesture with his hand before you continue. “Anyways, I remember when I was like 7 that for Halloween, Matt and I both wanted to be Spider-Man but we were arguing about it for like two hours because we both couldn’t be Spider-Man. And before you all say anything, I don’t think Spider-Gwen existed back then so I didn’t even think of being the female version of Spider-Man. Anyways, mom ended up painting my suit a different color so me and Matt could both wear our suits and go trick or treating.” 

“Oh my God, I remember that. We were both being annoying little pricks with our web shooters.” Matt says with a smile as he does a web-shooting gesture with his hand. 

“I also remember Dad having to confiscate the said web shooters because you and y/n kept abusing us with them,” Nick adds as he rolls his eyes and leans back against the booth with his arms crossed. 

“Those fuckers hurt like hell. I think I had a bruise for like a week.” Chris says as he rubs the side of his thigh. 

“Yeah, yeah. What matters most is that Matt and I had the night of our fucking lives.” You say as you look over at the said male. You go to send him a smile but the moment you see the older get up from his seat and lean towards you with his hand held out in front of him, you quickly lean in and share a quick high five. 

“Anyways... I didn’t forget about you, Nick.” You start as you send a wide smile to the said male. “When I turned eleven, Mom and Dad took us to go to the arcade for my birthday because I wanted to get all the plushies. Me being fucking dog shit at crane games ended up spending all my game currency in like 10 minutes and didn’t win anything. When Nick found out, he used the remainder of his credits to get me like five Hello Kitty plushies. I still have them to this day and they’re all sitting on my bed. Not to mention how like two of them are fucking massive and so soft.” 

“Wait, you still have them?” Nick asks, his eyes slightly wide as he looks at you. 

“Of course I do! They’re tied to memories, Nick.” You reply as you twirl your finger inside one of the holes at the corner of the desk. 

“How much stuff do you have from your childhood? Like did you keep most stuff in your old bedroom or did you get rid of everything?” Chris asks as he shifts his focus over to you, his left hand reaching to bring the microphone closer to him. 

“It depends on the emotional connection I have with that item. If it was just in my room just to be in my room, it means nothing. If it was something from you guys or Mom and Dad, I most definitely still have it in my room. I will not allow myself to throw something away that holds memories or if I have deep attachments to it.” 

“So if I gave you a rock, you’d keep it?” Matt asks with a small smile. 

You narrow your eyes at the male. “Well, it’s a rock so no. Maybe if I was like five, maybe I’d keep it.”

“Wait, now I wanna see what all you kept,” Nick says as he sits upright.

“You would be very surprised about how much shit I have in my room.” You say as you lean back in your seat, your arms crossing over your chest. 

“Next vlog is gonna be a house raid slash y/n house tour video guys! Look out for it.” Chris states as he points at his camera. 

“I think I'm good actually, thanks.” You mumble, your statement earning soft laughs from the three in front of you. 

“So I'm guessing that's a no to the house raid?” Nick asks, a single eyebrow raising as he slightly tilts his head to the side. 

“Well I'm not saying no to raiding my house or the house tour, I'm saying no to the video. I don’t want people to see my living conditions. Knowing how well your fans find where you guys are at, I wouldn’t doubt that they’d find where I live.” You defend, your voice soft as you point down at the desk in hopes of getting your point across. 

“Okay, that’s very reasonable.” Matt agrees as he leans back against the booth, a single arm coming up to rest at the top of it. 

“So we can raid your house,” Chris says as the smile on his lips grows. 

You let out a soft sigh as you pinch the bridge of your nose. “Yes, you guys can raid my house.” You give in. All the boys cheer loudly at your statement, causing a soft laugh to emit from you. “BUT you need to text me before y'all come over.” 

“Deal!” Nick exclaims, his hands clasping together a few times as he claps excitedly. 

“Gonna start the prank wars back up the second I step foot inside your house by the way,” Matt says, his statement barely being picked up by the microphone as he leans back a little. 

“WHAT?” You ask, your voice coming out louder than intended as you stare wide-eyed at the brunette to your right. 

“What’s the next topic, Nick?” Matt asks, trying to switch the topic as he sends the redhead a small smile. 

“Matt, repeat what you said right now.” You demand as you reach over to grab the flamingo plush in front of you. “Or the flamingo gets it.” 

“Hey!” Nick exclaims, his loud and sudden voice startling you. “Do not touch Fred. Put him down.” 

You raise both your hands up in surrender and slowly put the flamingo back down. As you do so, you can hear Matt giggling softly in your headset and you quickly send a glare to the male as you return to your seat. 

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:· TagList ·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·

@freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @patscorner @frankdelreyy @sturnssan @kileybankzz @robins-scoop

[hopefulromances]

Long Time Coming I Chapter Twelve I Haunted

Summary: Being hired as the first female assistant coach in the league was a challenge of it itself. Being a football protigy and University Football Legend was easy enough. Coaching Jamie Tartt was a challenge all on its own.

Word Count: 3K

Warning: Gross ex,West Ham

A/N: Lets learn a little more about readers past eh? Next chapter rlly gets things going I promise!

Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven

West Ham was a big game. A really big game. A game I think each of us were dreading the game. But for me… it was another one of my secrets.  Matthew Kristal was a forward on West Ham. Had been for years. And he’d been my boyfriend throughout uni. He was much much older than me but he approached me after a game and told me all the things I wanted to hear. I was special, something he’d never seen before, so mature for my age. All the normal bullshit you hear from guys twice your age.

We dated for years. Actually, until very recently. When I told him I was looking at taking a job at Richmond, he changed. He told me not to, that I should just let him take care of me. Obviously, I’d told him that he was bullshit. I left him after that, and I hadn’t seen him since. He’d texted me several times offering advice or telling me how sorry he was. But thanks to the family I’d found at Richmond, specifically Keeley Jones, I didn’t feel the need to text him back.

But now I’d be face to face with him again. And that’s ignoring the feud with Nate and Rupert that was hanging over everyone’s head. I listened to Roy and Beard squabble over what strategy to do against West Ham. I knew it didn’t matter either way. We’d end up doing whatever Zava wanted, probably a 4-4-2 or 4-5-1. Anything to get him in position to score.

As I watched them uninterested, my phone buzzed on the table. I flipped my phone over and saw a text from an unknown number.

            Hey, hope you’re doing well. Looking forward to seeing you this weekend.

I scrolled up but didn’t see any past messages from this person. Luckily the person followed up quickly.

            It’s Matt, btw, got a new phone.

God fucking damnnit. Of course, he was texting me now. I looked around, making sure I wasn’t needed before grabbing my phone and rushing out of the room. I sent Keeley a text to see if she’d be coming by the club later, which she was.

            “Fuck me,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

A commotion from the locker room caught my attention. I shoved my phone in my pocket and decided that whatever was going on in there was the perfect distraction.

            “Oi, what’s going on in here?” I demanded as I walked into the room.

            “Isaac’s tried to kill me is what’s going on,” Jamie exclaimed, backing away from his captain.

            “Guys I think someone ripped this in half,” Bumbercatch’s comment caused me to look over at the wall. In his hand was half of the believe sign, the other half still up on the wall. My eyes widened as I walked over to his side.

            “What the hell…” I murmured, taking the piece of the sign from him. It was just a sign, I tried to tell myself. It’s just a sign it doesn’t mean anything. I looked at the boys who started to crowd around us. “Well, just fix it, alright?”

I shoved the sign back into Bumbercatch’s chest before leaving the room. Suddenly it as very hard to breath. But what if was a real sign. Like an actual sign. I mean what are the chances that Matthew texts me and then just a few minutes later the Believe sign falls.

…

I recount the events to Keeley as she arrived at the club. I told her about the sign and Zava and the intensity about the game but hadn’t had the chance to bring up Matt quite yet when we arrived at the locker room.

            “But the sign fell, Keeley,” I whined, following her. “Wait, why are we going in here?”

            “Oh! I’m visiting Shandy, she’s filming a promo for Bantr!” Keeley told me.

I racked my head trying to remember who Shandy was. “She’s the one who threaten to run around the pitch with her top off, yeah?”

            “Well, it was more of a suggestion than a threat.”

            “It was definitely a threat.”

We entered the room just as Dani was finishing up his segment. Keeley greeted Shandy as my eyes flited around the room. It was weird seeing it all done up for filming. The boys were excited to do this filming but.I think they had a secret bet going to see who could say the most ridiculous pick up line.

            “You don’t know who I am, but I’m looking for someone who likes short walks on the beach so we can spend more time, you know…”

God that was terrible, I chuckled as they called cut. As Van Damme walked out, Jamie was up next. Fuck, I forgot he had to do this. It was the club’s single guys and Jamie was, to the masses, single.

            “He’s so fucking hot,” Shandy’s compliment sent a ping of jealousy through me. “What’s his story.”

            “Jamie?” Keeley replied. “Oh, he’s so cocky.”

All three of us stared at the monitor as Jamie had hair and make-up work on him. He was smiling kindly and making chat with the makeup artist. 

            “But I guess you have to be at this level,” Keeley continued, finding herself smiling at him. “But he only thinks about himself.”

I shook my head absentmindedly as I watched him. No, he didn’t. Jamie was kind and funny, and always checking in on me when we were together.

            “At least, he used to. But he’s not accountable for his actions and what they do to others.”

Again, I shook my head silently. It was crazy. The different side of Jamie that I’d seen as his girlfriend. A side that no one else got to see. It was all mine.

            “Except he is getting better at making apologies. Still… he only thinks with his dick.”

Finally, Jamie looked over at us and I could tell he saw me. I refused to look up over the monitor as a cheeky smile came over his lips. I bit my lip, trying to hard not to have any kind of reaction.

            “And yet, I don’t think he’s seen anyone in ages.”

I couldn’t help it anymore; I looked up over the monitor and saw Jamie staring right at me. I chewed on my cheek, trying to stave off the blush. He sent me a wink before turning back to the make-up artist.

            “I just wanna know if I can bang him, babe.”

Fuck, I forgot Shandy was even there. I frowned and looked over at her, a heat in my eyes I wasn’t used to. So this was jealousy was like. I was really willing to risk it all if she made any moves towards Jamie.

            “Oh. I don’t know,” Keeley answered. I still hadn’t taken my eyes of Shandy, watching as she stared hungrily at Jamie. “You should probably as him, it’s his dick.”

I ran  my tongue along the space between my teeth and bottom lip, trying desperately not to say anything.

            “Alright, I should probably be getting going,” I announced, deciding that this was too much for me.

            “Wait, didn’t you have something you wanted to-“

            “Nope, I’ll see you later Keels.”

I turn around before she can say anything else, not really wanting to stay in that room any longer than I had to. I realized that there was only one person I wanted to talk to about this Matt situation, and he was currently sitting in the locker room getting his make-up done for a dating app commercial.

…

Jamie and I sat in is backyard. He had these lounging chairs set up in his backyard where we could sit together while I caught up on work or read. He had a hand running up and down my leg as he read The Beautiful and Damned.

I looked over at him as he read peacefully. I was hesitant to talk to him, worried about what he would say or how he would react or what it would do to us to bring up Matt. I’d managed to make it two whole years without even thinking about him but with one little text his control over my life was back.

            “Remember how you asked why I stopped playing football?”

Jamie glanced up from his book over at me. “What?”

            “Do you know Matt Kristal?”

Jamie furrowed his eyebrows and put down his book, shrugging. “He’s on West Ham, yeah? One of their defenders?”

I nodded, looking down at my chair, picking at a piece of plastic that was sticking out. “He and I dated for a while when I was in uni.”

Jamie’s face should be in a museum. It was a mixture of curiosity, confusion, and was that… jealousy? He turned to look at my fully, his eyes looking far too serious.

            “What? Really?” He asked. “Isn’t he like… nearly 40?”

            “Yup.” I nodded, still not able to really face Jamie. “He came to watch me play in uni. Told me all those nice things like… you’re talented and mature and whatever.” I shook my head remember the first time I met him. “Anyways, we dated for about… 3 years?”

            “Fuck off,” Jamie scoffed, putting the book to the side.

            “I wish I were joking but he… he was quite the charismatic person,” I told him solemnly.  “Anyways, when it came time for me to graduate… I told him I wanted to play professionally and he… he told me I shouldn’t. That there was no glory in women’s football.” I scrunched my nose. “So, he lined up a job as West Ham’s kitman and I worked there until… until I saw the job at Richmond.” I moved my head side to side, considering all my words. “And he told me not to take it.” I laughed humorlessly. “Told me I’d be making a mistake. Well, he broke up with me after that. Told me I would crash and burn along with all of Richmond. Then I’d come running back to him.”

I stared at that piece of plastic I was picking, chewing the skin off my lip. I hadn’t talked about Matt with anyone since I came to Richmond. That time in my life was filed away, along with my father. But the people at Richmond had a way of opening me up like no one else.

            “What a cocksleeve.” Jamie’s response drew a laugh from me. “I mean really. What a mingin’ asstawt. Got a right cop on, don’t he.” With every ridiculous insult I found myself laughing harder and harder. Despite the tension leaving my chest slowly, I still found myself unable to look at me. That is until Jamie’s hand slide down to mind, preventing me from tearing up the chair. “Hey, look at me.”

I pursed my lips and forced my head to turn to face him. He had an eyebrow raised at me as he smirked. “Your better for it without him. He was holding you back ‘cause he knew you were better than him. Kristal… I mean he’s been on West Ham for a decade now… barely made a mark on the league.”

            “Well, he’s no Jamie Tartt, that’s for sure,” I commented, smiling.

            “Hey, I’m serious,” Jamie sat up and pulled me, so our legs were slotted with each other. I was caught off guard by his serious demeanor. “You’re better than him. I promise.”

It wasn’t like Jamie to ignore a compliment. My mouth opened slightly as a breath of disbelief came out of my mouth. Both of his hands rested on my knees, rubbing soft comforting circles into them. I blinked repeatedly, shaking my head. I was getting off topic.

            “I just… I wanted to let you know that he texted me about seeing me this weekend.”

            “HA! Like that’s gonna happen,” Jamie laughed, shaking his head.

            “Yeah, no it won’t but… I just wanted to let you know,” I shrugged. “And I know there’s a lot riding on this game so I don’t mean to add to that but I-“

            “No, thank you for telling me. Now I know who to score on the most.” He reached over and grabbed my waist, hoisting me up before laying down with me on top of him. “You wanna have sex?”

I would never get used to that. But I merely answered his question by leaning down to kiss Jamie into the chair. I felt lighter. Knowing I had gotten it off my chest. Even if it did nothing, I had Jamie’s support and that was enough for me.

…

The game was a mess. The first half was bad enough but after the half… it was like an entirely new team. They were angry, something about Beard and Roy showing them a video, I wasn’t paying attention. I was too busy avoiding Matt like the plague. But luckily for me, he seemed to get the hint and didn’t approach me at all. That was, until after the game.

I was leaving the locker room to head towards the bus when he finally caught up to me.

            “(Y/N)!”

I heard his voice before I saw him. But when I did, I wasn’t surprised. He hadn’t changed at all. He looked the exact same as he had those years ago when I’d walked out of his house with him screaming at me that I would be nothing without him. I let him catch up to me.

            “Some match, eh?” Matt chuckled, a cruel smirk on his face. I didn’t respond, not wanting to say something I regret. “Hey, why don’t we get a drink or something? Catch up, for old times’ sake?”

            “I’m good.” I shut him down quickly. I knew what that meant. It meant that he would take me out, get me tipsy then convince me to have sex with him and there was no way that was happening.

He frowned at me. That same disappointed frown I’d gotten all too used to when we were together. “Look (Y/N), I don’t want to try anything I just want to-“

            “Is there something you wanted to say, or can I get back to my team?” Again, I really don’t want to hear what he has to say. I don’t really want to hear his sorry apology or whatever manipulation tactic he could draw up.

            “I just wanted to say sorry, okay?” He pulled his most genuine face that he could, but I just shook my head. Nonetheless, he persisted. “I was a dick, and you were right. You’ve done great at Richmond but listen… you could do better. I bet I could get Rupert to hire you here… at West Ham.”

Jamie emerged from the locker room, walking towards the bus with his head low. He was pissed. Pissed at the game, pissed at Zava, pissed at Nate. The whole game had gone wrong so fast. If only he’d made that goal in the first half but, of course, he whiffed it, leaving room for Zava to take some glory.

When he walked down the hall, he immediately spied (Y/N) talking with Matt. Now he was pissed at that. He could tell she was uncomfortable. Body science. The way she griped her bag and frowned at him as he chatted at her. He needed to get her out of there and fast but without drawing suspicion. He glanced around to see who else was there. Colin was exiting the locker room just at that moment, busy on his phone.

            “Oi, Colin.” He nodded over to where (Y/N) and Matt were talking.  “Why’s (Y/N) talking to Matt Kristal?”

Colin looked over where he was pointing, and his eyes darkened. Just as he thought, (Y/N) probably told Colin about her past.

            “Fuck if I know, give me a second.” And Colin was off going to interrupt them.

Jamie tried to walk off slowly, watching as Colin approached her. He put an arm around her, taking Matt’s attention off of her. (Y/N)’s face immediately flooded with relief with Colin arrived. Jamie felt better knowing that Colin was there to support her. He wasn’t sure what they were talking about but all he wanted was to get home and be with (Y/N) somewhere they could be together.

…

When Jamie arrived home (Y/N) was already there. She was standing, seemingly stuck in her own brain staring at the wall. Jamie frowned and walked up to her, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing her cheek. She gasped and jumped, finally broken from her trance.

            “Fuck me!” She shouted, relaxing back into Jamie. “You scared me.”

            “Sorry, love,” He mused against her cheek. “Just finally glad to be able to hold you.” She smiled though it didn’t quite meet her eyes. “What was he talking to you about?”

            “Who?”

            “Kritsal?”

            “You saw that?”

            “Course! Who do you think sent Colin over?” Jamie snickered, pulling away from her and walking over to the kitchen. “Do you want some tea?”

            “Wait, wait, wait,” she followed Jamie as he began taking out the kettle. “You saw Max talking to me and didn’t come over to intervene?”

Jamie shrugged, taking out two mugs. “I’m making you tea. And yeah, I figured Colin knew more about the situation and he did so, crisis avoided.” The look she gave Jamie was almost heartbreakingly beautiful. There was so much love and passion in her eyes that is shocked Jamie a little bit. “What… did I do something wrong?”

            “Oh, Jamie.” She pulled him down by his neck and kissed him. Jamie let out a noise of shock before quickly setting down the mugs so he could wrap his arms around her. He held her close. While he was strong enough not to intervene earlier, he wanted her to know that he had her back and that she was his.

Just as much as he was hers.

Tag List: Taglist:@heletsmelovehim @higherthanheroes @ajax-petropolus-wife @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @optimisticsandwichgladiator @kno-way-home @sleepy-time @wigglegiggle @skewedcherries @respondingtoshowerthoughts-blog @snubug @rana030 @ems-alexandra @jaymum

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

stephanie perkins: ‘anna and the french kiss’

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Then again, if you’ve read any YA book, ever, it’s fairly obvious what’s going to happen.

I was going to go easy on this book; I really was. It’s really unfair how media aimed at a female demographic is seen as frivolous and vapid, and more often than not bashed and bullied when it comes to reviews. “People actually enjoy this crap?” ask the powers that be. “It’s worthless! Pulp! Dreamy-eyed nonsense only complete nimrods could ever like!”

And I take offense to that. There’s nothing wrong with liking romance or happy endings or stories about cute European boys. I was ecstatic when I stumbled across Anna and the French Kiss upon a chance trip to the bookstore. The cover was… meh (Century Gothic? Really? There were no other fonts?). But I’d heard nothing but praise about the book, and I was prepared to stay up all night and into the wee hours of the morning to finish it.

Admittedly, I was far from impressed upon the first reading. The characters were unlikable, the plot would’ve worked better for less shitty characters, honestly fuck these characters am I supposed to like them, fuck Anna, fuck Étienne, fuck Bridgette, fuck Toph, fuck Dave and Meredith and Amanda and Seany and every other stupid character in this stupid book.

The second time around, I expected to not hate it as much as I did when I first read it. It’s happened- I hated Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda when I first read it, and when I read it again, all that red-hot anger simmered down into an overall dislike. I thought To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before was trash at first, and then I read it again, and it got promoted to recyclable waste matter.

I found Anna and the French Kiss horrendous the first time I read it, and then I read it again, and… yeah, it’s still pretty awful.

Le Sommaire:

Anna Oliphant is a seventeen-year-old wannabe film critic who is #NotLikeOtherGirls – so she’s exactly like every other female YA lead. To her credit, she never explicitly says she’s special… everyone around her does.

She has a pretty meh life in Atlanta, Georgia with her mum and little bruv Sean- and then her dad decides to ship her off to France for her final year of high school. I’m not judging Anna for bawling her eyes out on her first day; I’m a huge mummy’s girl myself and I’d probably (definitely) do the same.

Meredith is Anna’s next-door neighbor, who does that thing which only happens in YA where she’s like “Oh, newbie? Let’s be friends!” (Or maybe it does happen irl and I tend to make a bad first impression which is why no one has ever approached me.)

Meredith’s friends are: Rashmi and Josh (who are a couple), and Étienne St. Clair. Guess which one is the love interest.

Étienne is cultured in that white person way where he’s half American, one quarter French and one quarter British. A true international.

But- *gasp*- American-British-French boy has a girlfriend, Ellie.

Anna has an absolutely gorgeous punk rocker (yum) boy with sideburns (yikes) back home named Christopher. Also, Christopher’s nickname is ‘Toph’ instead of ‘Chris’ because he too is #NotLikeOtherGirls. Anna tells us that nothing will happen between her and Étienne.

Anna is wrong.

Meredith has a crush on Étienne. So does the Regina George of the school, Amanda.

Étienne and Anna have some moments ™.

♫ Everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but Anna ♫

I tear my hair out in frustration.

Several other white boys vie for Anna’s heart. Anna remains blissfully unaware (♫ that’s what makes you beautiful ♫). Étienne (who is still dating Ellie, mind you) is unreasonably agitated by this.

Étienne’s mum has cancer btw, which excuses all the shitty things he does, because he’s just a poor, misunderstood boy.

Ellie dresses up as a, quote unquote, ‘slutty nurse’ for Hallowe’en, though- so it’s perfectly okay to dislike her (even though, in the first interaction she had with Anna, where Ellie meets Anna and Étienne, after Étienne takes Anna to the movies, Ellie is perfectly sweet).

Anna, however, is NOT a slut. Amanda is, though. And Rashmi’s cold. And Meredith’s desperate. And Emily’s a slut, too. And her friend Bridgette from Atlanta is a traitor. Anna has an intense case of internalized misogyny.

Anna’s friend Bridgette from Atlanta is screwing Toph, and Anna throws a fit.

Étienne and Anna have some more moments ™.

A truly chaotic series of events befall Anna. She somehow winds up dating Dave (one from the harem of white boys who likes her) to spite Étienne, she gets into a fight with Amanda, more drama ensues, there’s a hint for a spinoff, Étienne and her kiss, Meredith sees and feels betrayed… several misunderstandings and more bullshit later, Étienne and Anna wind up together, because true love conquers all.

Mes Réflexions:

(If the French is off, blame Google Translate.)

Usually, it takes me half a page of my notebook to scribble down my thoughts about the book I’m reading. This motherfucker took me almost an entire page.

Granted, a solid 30% of those notes are me throwing insults at Étienne, but still. ‘STOP STOP STOP YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU DICK’ counts, right?

(That was #17 in my notes, by the way.)

For the record, I like Stephanie Perkins’s writing. It’s not as over-the-top and unnecessarily introspective as Jenny Han’s in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, and the interactions between Anna and her classmates were natural and not the “How do you do, fellow kids?” style of Becky Albertalli’s Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. The pacing is decent- I didn’t feel like it was too rushed; not the insta-love trope most YA romances unfortunately fall prey to.

And yet. AND YET.

Anna: “What’s your problem?” Amanda: “You.”

Same, Amanda, same.

Anna Oliphant is one of my least favorite leads in a book, ever. Étienne’s even shittier. And it’s not like Nick or Amy Dunne from Gone Girl, or any of the main characters from The Secret History, where readers pretty much unanimously hate them. You’re meant to relate to Anna, you’re meant to find Étienne charming and dreamy. I literally had to put the book away and calm myself down several times- especially in the last quarter of the book.

One of my main gripes with Anna is how… dumb she is. I guess Anna’s “Oopsies, silly me, I don’t know French!” is meant to be relatable to the readers. And some parts (like her not knowing how to order food because she can’t speak French) are plausible, but- sis, you didn’t know how to spell oui? And my idea of a cinematic masterpiece is Kung-Fu Panda, but even a dumbass like me knows that France is the film appreciation capital of the world. And yet Anna, a self-professed film freak, doesn’t?

Of course, Anna’s gorgeous, but she has no clue, because of course she doesn’t- even though she has multiple guys falling head over heels for her.

I’m in a short skirt. It’s the first time I’ve worn one here, but my birthday seems like the appropriate occasion. “Woo, Anna!” Rashmi fake-adjusts her glasses. “Why do you hide those things?”

Étienne is staring at my legs. The scales covering them throb under his intense gaze, and the pincers sticking out of my thighs start clicking rapidly in arousal. My hooves shiver in ecstasy.

… sorry, that’s not funny.

Her friends think Anna’s weird for wanting to write film reviews (which is the most contrived thing I’ve ever heard) instead of being the next Margot Robbie or whatever, but of course Étienne doesn’t and he thinks it’s not weird and cool and that Anna is such a special snowflake.

(Man, I sound like Amanda.)

And then we have this spiel by Anna about how she got into film critiquing (?), because we the readers need to know how special and #NotLikeOtherGirls Anna is.

To this, I say, “Piss off, you pretentious fuck.”

Of course, Anna’s a virgin and she’s never gotten drunk before or worn short skirts- she’s not a slut, she shaves below the knees only.

And would YA really be YA without several hearty helpings of internalized misogyny?

First up, we have the bimbo; the Barbie doll archetype whose only goal in life is acquiring the main guy (who is quite obviously uninterested in her), and making life hell for our protagonist. Amanda Whatsername (is she ever given a surname?) has this coveted role in Anna and the French Kiss. She’s blond (because of course she is); the first time we meet her, she’s in a, quote unquote, ‘teeny tank top’, and she also ‘positions herself for maximum cleavage exposure’. She’s always flipping her hair, getting her grubby paws on Étienne, giving Anna the stink-eye, being homophobic and a grade-A bitch.

Meredith goes batshit when Anna and Étienne kiss, and is very pouty and unhappy during prior Anna x Shittiene moments. Honey… he’s just not that into you. Rashmi’s the Ice Queen reincarnate and halfway to bitchdom. Anna doesn’t go as hard on them as she does on literally every other female her age in the book, though.

Rashmi looks at me for the first time, calculating whether or not I might fall in love with her own boyfriend.

Anna, hate to break it to you, but not everyone’s a possessive fucking weirdo.

About Cherrie, her ex-boyfriend Matt’s new girlfriend:

And maybe Cherrie isn’t as bad as I remember. Except she is. She totally is. After only five minutes in her company, I cannot fathom how Bridge stands sitting with her at lunch every day.

Her lifeless laugh is one of her lesser attributes. What does Matt see in her?

Even Bridgette, Anna’s best friend from Atlanta, isn’t immune to Anna’s anti-female propaganda. She’s screwing the guy Anna used to like, and Anna, the hypocrite, throws a huge fit.

For context: Bridgette and Toph are in a band called the Penny Dreadfuls (why is it with YA books and horrible band names? ‘Emoji’ from Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda was bad enough), and Anna + Matt + Cherrie go to a bowling alley to see them perform. After the performance, Toph announces that he’s sleeping with Bridge, and Anna confronts Bridge… onstage.

“… You’re welcome to move in when I leave again, because that’s what you want, right? My life?”

She shakes with fury. “Go to hell.”

“Take my life. You can have it. Just watch out for the part where my BEST FRIEND SCREWS ME OVER!” I knock over a cymbal stand, and the brass hits the stage with an earsplitting crash that reverberates through the bowling alley. Matt calls my name. Has he been calling it this entire time? He grabs my arm and leads me around the electrical cords and plugs and onto the floor and away, away, away.

Everyone in the bowling alley is staring at me.

I duck my head so my hair covers my face. I’m crying. This would have never happened if I hadn’t given Toph her number. All of those late-night practices and… he said they’ve had sex! What if they’ve had it at my house? Does he come over when she’s watching Seany? Do they go in the bedroom?

I’m going to be sick.

Give me a goddamn break.

Anna, about Ellie:

To my amazement, Ellie breaks into an ear-to-ear smile. Oddly enough, it’s this moment I realize that despite her husky voice and Parisian attire, she’s sort of… plain. But friendly-looking.

That still doesn’t mean I like her.

“Anna! From Atlanta, right? Where’d you guys go?”

She knows who I am? St. Clair describes our evening while I contemplate this strange development. Did he tell her about me? Or was it Meredith? I hope it was him, but even if it was, it’s not like he said anything she found threatening. She doesn’t seem alarmed that I’ve spent the last three hours in the company of her very attractive boyfriend. Alone.

[about Ellie’s Hallowe’en costume] Slutty nurse. I don’t believe it. Tiny white button-up dress, red crosses across the nipples. Cleavage city.

If I didn’t like Ellie before, it’s nothing compared to how I feel now. It doesn’t matter that I can count how many times we’ve met on one hand.

I fantasize about their break-up. How he could hurt her, and she could hurt him, and all of the ways I could hurt her back. I want to grab her Parisian-styled hair and yank it so hard it rips from her skull. I want to sink my claws into her eyeballs and scrape.

It turns out I am not a nice person.

YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY.

Emily Middlestone bends over to pick up a dropped eraser, and Mike Reynard leers at her breasts. Gross. Too bad for him she’s interested in his best friend, Dave. The eraser drop was deliberate, but Dave is oblivious.

One of the juniors, a girl with dark hair and tight jeans, stretches in a move designed to show off her belly button ring to Paul/Pete. Oh, please.

And I’m meant to like this character? I’m supposed to root for her?

I’m not saying every girl in the book should be perfectly sweet and friendly- that’s just not realistic. But when Anna has something judgmental to say about every other young female character… maybe she’s the problem.

In fact, the only girl I recall getting a pass is Isla Whatsername. And why do you think?

Brilliant.

And now we have the amalgamation of almost every fanfic boyfriend trope from 2014, Étienne St. Clair. Brown-eyed Harry Styles. I can’t fucking wait.

Étienne could’ve discovered the cure for cancer, or abolished poverty, or volunteered at animal shelters in his spare time. He could’ve been the most virtuous guy around (fret not; he decidedly isn’t). And I still wouldn’t’ve thought of him as the man of my dreams because HE HAS A BLOODY GIRLFRIEND.

I mean, which girl doesn’t want her boyfriend to say:

“I cheated on her every day. In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldn’t have, again and again.”

Fuckin’ smooth, bro.

“No matter what a terrible boyfriend I was, I wouldn’t actually cheat on her. But I thought you’d know.”

Such a gentleman!

“So you can keep dating Ellie, but I can’t even talk to Dave?”

Étienne looks shamed. He stares at his boots. “I’m sorry.”

I don’t even know what to do with his apology.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. And this time, he’s looking at me. Begging me. “And I know it’s not fair to ask you, but I need more time. To sort things out.”

And this gem:

“If you liked me so much, why didn’t you break up with her?”

“I’ve been confused. I’ve been so stupid.”

*me, banging pots and pans together* F U C K Y O U

“Ellie’s not like you, Anna; she’s a slut and a whore even though I’m the one who’s been thinking about another girl inappropriately and I’m the one who gets my knickers in a twist when another man glances in your direction because my masculinity is extremely fragile and I’m a total hypocrite and a dickhead.”

I mean, he didn’t actually say that, but that’s the gist.

WHILE DATING ELLIE: he gets Anna a book of sexual love poems, he calls her attractive (“Any bloke with a working prick would be insane not to like you.”) multiple times, he gets jealous whenever another guy so much as breathes in Anna’s direction and constantly interrupts such interactions, he’s been ditching his friends for his girlfriend but suddenly decides he prefers a new girl over said girlfriend, he thinks bread pudding tastes good- in conclusion, he is a Massive Fucking Prick. Though in hindsight, him and Anna deserve each other. They’re awful.

I had loads more notes taken down (Anna using Dave; “The important thing is this: Dave is available. St. Clair is not.”); the implication that cheating is okay because Ellie is bad or whatever, even though the sudden change in her character seems contrived because she was perfectly okay with Étienne and Anna hanging out before; how my blood boils whenever I read an American book and American girls are like “oOoOh AcCenT!!!1!!1!!”; me reading “DAVE SAYS YER A SLUTBAG” in Hagrid’s voice; the sheer atrocity of the name ‘Étienne St. Clair’ (sounds like a caricature of a French person)… but this ‘review’ is already pushing 3k and I can’t be fucked to expand on any of those points.

Verdict (which is apparently the same in French):

Who needs Christopher when Étienne St. Clair is in the world?

Speak for yourself.

[jacqueline-lindsdell]

If your still taking asks for the drabbles could you do something with brotherly America and Australia? if you don't want to don't worry about it! btw your blog is great

I’m sorry this took so long! I spent awhile playing around with the idea and I had so much fun with it! I love getting to write characters just having fun with each other and so the brothers concept works so well. I couldn’t imagine this scenario without Canada, so i hope you don’t mind that he’s included! ((And thank you for complimenting my blog- feel free to come off anon and message me!)) Also, the fork thing? Based on personal experience, my sister and i forked our friend’s yard once and they still don’t know it was us.

It wasn’t supposed to be a two-shot but I lack self control so here we go 

*****

“Right. You’re definitely doing that wrong.”

“Shut up! I know how to tp a house bro.”

“He’s right America, that’s not going to work.”

America jumped, “Jesus Matt, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“I’ve been right here the whole time.” Canada sighed and rolled his eyes, then let another paper roll loose in the trees. “Alfred, why don’t you put the forks in the yard? Oz and I can handle the trees.” Alfred eagerly picked up the box of forks and set to work stabbing them in the ground, laughing wildly.

Australia groaned, “Oi! I swear to Christ if you wake him I’ll stab you with one of those.”

He stuck his tongue out and grabbed another fork. “Listen. England’s like, the heaviest sleeper I know, it’ll be fine! Stop worrying.” Australia and Canada shared a look before continuing their work on the house and trees, while America happily arranged the forks. He put the last one in the ground and stepped back to appraise his work. “Check it out guys! England’s totally going to flip when he reads what I-” he was cut off by a bright light on the porch turning on. Australia chucked the last of the paper over his shoulder and took off for his truck with Alfred close on his heels.

They were breathless with laughter, clambering in like their lives depended on it. Oz didn’t miss a beat- the second he was in the driver’s seat, keys were in the ignition, and they were off.

“DUDE THAT WAS SO CRAZY. I bet England is losing his SHIT right now.”

Australia laughed in response, “Wicked close, huh? Can’t wait to hear about it at the next meeting. Ice cream next?”

“Hell yeah dude! Midnight ice cream is the best!”

They rode in silence for a few seconds, relishing in the adrenaline and laughter. Then Australia spoke again, “I gotta say mate, I feel like I’m forgetting something. I grabbed my hat didn’t I?”

“Yeah, it’s right here. We just left the stuff behind.” There was another beat of silence before America finally gasped. “Oh shit man, didn’t we bring Canada?” Oz cursed loudly and immediately u-turned. They were barreling down the road back towards England’s house when they came across Canada jogging down the side of the road. America didn’t even wait for the truck to come to a complete stop, just flung the door open, and yanked him in.

“You guys-” *huff* “are” *huff* “complete assholes!” Canada leaned against the window, trying to catch his breath. America thumped him on the back, laughing.

“Chill out! We only forgot you for like five seconds!”

Canada glared back at him, “England could’ve seen me!”

Australia cackled, pushing his foot harder on the accelerator. “Don’t think so mate. You’ve got a knack for being invisible. Did you see him though?”

“Yeah, I did.” A grin was beginning to crack through Matthew’s annoyed expression. “Wish I’d gotten a picture. He came running out raising all sorts of hell. You know he still wears those old man pajamas?”

Alfred and Australia both yelled at the same time.

“You’re kidding!”

“No fucking way!”

And finally, Canada laughed and relaxed in his seat. “I’m not. The nightcap and everything. He looked like Ebenezer Scrooge.” They all laughed and Oz reached past Alfred to pat him on the shoulder.

“You did good Matt. We’re going to get ice cream to celebrate.”

***

Early the next morning in their hotel room, Alfred’s phone rang.

“Al.” Matt murmured, shoving him weakly. “Al answer your phone.” Alfred only replied with a groan. “Alfred.” Matthew’s voice was louder. “Your phone.”

Australia threw a pillow from the other bed, “Alfred answer the damn phone I’m trying to sleep!” When no response came, Oz finally got up and answered the phone himself. He couldn’t even get a greeting out before he heard the shouting. “Yeah Al, you’ve gotta take this.”

Finally Alfred blindly grabbed for the phone and put it to his ear. “What?”

“ALFRED F JONES YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE PRICK. I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS.” Alfred winced, pulling the phone from his ear a bit.

“Yo, England, dude. Don’t know what you’re talking about. Also trying to sleep.”

“Don’t play coy with me, I know it was you! You’d better march yourself over here this instant and clean up my yard!”

Alfred laughed anxiously, “Seriously Artie, dunno what you’re talking about.”

“DON”T YOU ‘ARTIE’ ME.” England let out a long stream of curses before continuing, “My home is covered in toilet paper and the phrase ‘Viva la France’ is written out in my yard in forks!”

“Then why are you calling me?! Obviously it was France who did it! We both know he totally likes pissing you off every chance he gets.” Matthew snorted at that and buried his face in his pillow.

There was a beat of silence. “France is spelled with a C not an S, you asshat. Now come clean up this mess.”

“Oh uh haha, my boss is calling. Gotta go man!” Alfred desperately ended the call despite England’s loud protests, then turned off his phone for good measure.

Canada was laughing into the pillows and Australia stared incredulously from the foot of the bed.  “You fucking misspelled France?”

[kucheek]

Standing Still For 24 Hours Straight - Statue Challenge

[PART 1?] ~pending

requested: yes! 

request: LOVE YOUU

Hi!!! Can you please do imagines/ a series based on mrbeast videos where the reader is in a relationship with jimmy so basically fluff?❤️ Btw I love your work!!

pairing: mrbeast aka jimmy x reader

// Ahh~ Love you too! So this is what I’m going to do. Include the reader in the first part-ish of 2 or 3 videos, which will all be separate posts, and whichever story gets more positive feedback (from both notes and inbox messages), I’ll finish out writing the video. And thank you! You’re sweet :) As always let me know what you all think! //

-o-o-o-o-o

You make cameos every now and again on the Mr. Beast channel. Usually when you go to visit Jimmy in North Carolina, he has prerecorded videos ready for posting, trying to spend as much time with you before you’re off again. Of course, you are a special guest if a certain video has a time constraint or if he didn’t get the chance to record anything beforehand.

You were stood at the side as the intro to the video was being recorded; initially, when Jimmy suggested standing still for 24 hours you were very skeptical. That boy can’t stand still to save his life. 

----

“You’re going to last like an hour.” you raised an eyebrow. “tops.” 

“I’ll take you up on that,” he insists, crossing his arms at a challenge. “I’ll bet you that I’m going to last way longer than that.”

----

You were carrying the guitar case that Chris was supposed to be using during the video and one glance up unnerved you. “I think it’s going to rain.” you pointed upwards, grey clouds covering the sky. Simultaneously, four heads spun around to look at you and even the camera was now pointed at you. “what?”

“That’s bad luck!” “You’re not supposed to say that!” “Now it’s going to rain.”

“I doubt me saying anything, will make it rain.” you rolled your eyes at their claims, continuing to lug the case towards the sidewalk. “if it’s going to rain, it’s going to rain!” Saying the last part loudly. 

Setting everything up didn’t take too long, a few stools and everything was mostly ready for the next 24 hours, apparently. You were standing on the platform that Jimmy was supposed to be standing on as he went around and explained what was going on at each station. 

“Our first station at the event is Garrett’s paint shop, for $5, he will professionally paint you. Our second station is Chris, he’ll play any song in the world-” At that, you looked up and said loudly, “as long as it’s, like, 5 of them.” 

Chris leaned back from his stool, calling out in your direction offendedly, “hey!”

Jimmy pointed towards the camera lens and tacked on, “and not copyrighted.” He moved towards Chandler which, after some haggling, you managed to get into a top hat. “Our third station is Chandler over here, world’s best magician.” 

“And finally, we have Y/N. She isn’t a station because-”

“We need moral support!” Garrett interrupted, the camera panning over before Chandler moved his face in front of the lens. “And snacks. Lost of snacks. 

“Actually, she’s my moral support. You guys can move around and I can’t.” Jimmy said pointedly. “for 24 hours.” He looked contemplative for a second before adding, “and they’re my snacks.”

“Possible 24 hours,” you continued, hopping down from the platform. 

He went around and fist-bumped the three boys before attempting to do the same with you. But before he had a chance, you heard the exclaims from them all around. “Ugh.” With a quick glance, you saw them all trying to wipe the silver paint from their knuckles from Jimmy’s fist. 

You quickly retracted your hand to avoid his. He moved closer and, before you had a chance to slip away, he swiped a finger down your cheek. “Erghh, no.”

“Now you all have a part of me on you,” he said before motioning at the camera. “and then I’m going to be the main attraction. I’m going to stand here for 24 hours straight.” The guys stepped closer to get the final shot and Chris held up his phone. “It is officially 1:22.” 

“It is 1:22.” Jimmy confirmed and stepped up onto the platform.

“Alright,” Chris stated. “it’s official, you can get down at 1:22, tomorrow.”

“Or,” you commented innocently. “we’ll be back in an hour after Jimmy realizes how long 24 hours of standing completely still will take.”

“Which is the more likely option.” Chris laughed, sitting himself down onto his stool.

“That’s-” Jimmy started. You held up a finger, stopping him quickly and you wagged it back and forth. “ah, ah. Statues don’t talk.”

Despite the beard, you could tell he was frowning as he tried to think of a solution before brightening up, “I’m still allowed to talk though, ‘cause you can’t see my mouth move.” He said matter-of-factly, giving you a pointed look. 

“Already starting with the added rules and regulations, are we?” You teased, returning the look.

The next ten minutes were pretty entertaining. People would stop, either wondering what the hell was going on or recognizing one of the guys, and occasionally, you. And it was in that time that you already knew, Jimmy was uncomfortable. 

“Your neck is going to get stiff,” you said, your initial mocking and teasing attitude faded away and was replaced with slight worry. You didn’t think he was going to pass out from exhaustion or anything, but you knew he was going to  probably be sore the following day. And a crabby and tired Jimmy while you were visiting wasn’t your idea of a good time. 

“Yeah, it already hurts,” he muttered, a thoughtful look on his face. “Tareq!” He called out. “pan the camera over here.” 

Tareq moved the camera over, zooming in on Jimmy’s face. “alright, we’ve been doing this for ten minutes aaand I’m going to have to change up the rules a little bit. I’m able to move my head.”

After the camera moved towards Garrett, who was painting a mother and her child, you looked up at Jimmy. “second rule change of the day,” you said lightly, “next thing you know, in ten minutes, you’re gonna be able to move your whole body.” 

“You know, you're not instilling a lot of confidence. Aren’t you here for moral support?” 

“Am I?” You said mockingly, moving towards Chandler slowly, wanting to see his attempts at making a balloon animal.

“I can see you moving,” Jimmy said dryly before whining loudly, “don’t leeeaave, I can’t mooove!”

“I’ll be back in two seconds.” You rolled your eyes, giving up your idea of slipping over quietly. “If you’re good, I’ll bring you a balloon animal.”

“You’re patronizing me.” He narrowed his eyes and with a quick wink, you spun around and walked towards Chandler when a woman requested a balloon animal. “Now, what balloon animal would you like?” 

“Uh, surprise me,” she answered after a second. 

He held the blown balloon in his hands. “alright.” turning towards the woman, he raised his eyebrows, “...you ever heard of a snake?” 

You stifled a laugh when the woman stated immediately, “you’re not giving me a snake.”

It took a few minutes of Chandler trying to remember how to make a complicated animal when he shot his hands out, offering you the balloon. “Can you do this? It’s going to pop.” 

You wrinkled your nose and leaned backwards. “uh, no. You’re the magician.” Giving up trying to pawn off the balloon, he managed to fold and twist is once into the semblance of a... 

“that’s a fish,” he said proudly, holding it out to the woman, she smiled politely and dropped a dollar into his top hat. 

In the next five minutes, Chandler managed to make two more balloon animals. Or more accurately, balloon fish. 

“At this point, you should just promote an aquarium.” you laughed as the next customer left. 

Glancing around, Garrett was painting a couple, Chris was fiddling with the guitars tuning pegs, and Jimmy was trying to catch your attention by waving his head around wildly. If he kept that up he was going to snap his neck, you thought, resolving to go see one of Chris’s performances. Up until now you heard bits and pieces of his strumming and insane lyrics, but you had yet to experience it firsthand.

When you walked past Jimmy to stand between his platform and Chris, he groaned loudly. “Y/N! You’re supposed to be my moral support.” He repeated. 

You gave him was an apologetic look but before you had a chance to respond, he cut you off with an accusatory tone. “I’m not feeling very supported.” 

“I bet everyone else is feeling supported,” he continued and you could already tell he had a pout underneath the beard. 

At that, you rolled your eyes. “I’m right next to you. I’m going to watch Chris and his little improv lyrics.”

“It’s going to be awesome,” Chris chimed in, strumming the guitar loudly right next to you. 

At that point someone had walked up, dropping a few coins into the case and Chris plopped onto the stool. “alright, let’s do this. What’s your name?”

“Matt.”

“Matt.” Chris repeated, before starting to strum. “Matt. Matt is awesoome.” You covered your mouth, repressing the laughter beginning to bubble out. “He looks like...Logiiic!” Chris continued and you couldn’t hold back your laughter. “oh, my God.”

From that point, few people had come and gone when Jimmy called out to a guy who had been standing off to the side, observing the going-ons. Debating whether or not to get involved, you assumed. 

“Do you want to get drawn? Or do you wanna-”

“Holy crap!” The guy breathed out, taking a step backwards in shock. “I didn’t even realize, I though it was just a Town Square statue.” 

“To be real, though, he looks like Abraham Lincoln.” 

You let out a quick laugh and Chris turned towards Jimmy. “You do look like Abraham Lincoln.” 

You didn’t know how much time had passed from that point, definitely more than an hour. So far, the guys had gone through 3 trays of cookies, a box of Ritz, and a few packets of mini cookies. 

You were absentmindedly holding up the mini cookies and one by one, feeding Jimmy because apparently, since he was doing this challenge, he 'can’t feed himself’. You tried tossing them into his mouth in an effort to relieve your boredom, but taking into account that he was only able to move his head, you managed to hit his eye on more than one occasion. 

“I’m getting bored. Nothing interesting has happened,” Jimmy muttered pointedly, talking around the cookie in his mouth. He looked around, everything had been mostly stagnant for a while and he was getting uneasy. When his eyes passed over Garrett, he tapped your arm lightly with his foot. “Garrett’s painting is improving.” 

When you looked towards him, you snorted. “I think that’s what this video will end up being. The steady improvement of Garrett’s painting skills.” 

“Ugh, you’re right. This video sucks.” He complained after a beat. You raised an eyebrow and looked up at him. “I didn’t say it sucks.”

He looked down at you, pointedly. “but it does.” 

“Jimmy, I don’t think it’s going to suck,” you assured, trying to throw up another cookie and watching as it managed to get into his mouth. You had an idea of where this conversation was going to head and you were proved right when a few seconds later Jimmy called out loudly, “guys! Team huddle!” 

The boys gathered and Jimmy laid out his plan of action, they’d pack up and think of a new idea for the remainder of the video. After all was said and done, everything was collected and you were on your way to load everything back up.

“Told you, you wouldn’t last,” you said lightly, nudging his shoulder. He scoffed in return and gave you a dry look. “you said I wouldn’t last an hour and I lasted way longer.”

“Still won,” you said haughtily. “didn’t last 24.”

“I’d like to see you stand for 24 hours.”

You hummed quietly, your stance on the conversation clear. 

-o-o-o-o-o

Video timestamp 2.00

[thesportssoundoff]

A Dumb Draft Exercise

It's a Friday night and we're all locked in so I decided to do something a touch different. I took the current NFL draft order and then looked up the last five NFL drafts (2015-2019) to see who was picked at spots. Using the teams as they stand after one long (and it feels it) week of free agency, I picked ONE player selected at that set position to try and do a retro draft. Each team picked ONE player picked over the last five years at that specific spot (so at 1 overall, you could only draft 1st overall). How different would your favorite team look? Welll.....

1. Cincinnati- QB Kyler Murray (2019)

The first round picks of the past five years consist of four QBs (Jameis Winston, Jared Goff, Baker Mayfield and Murray) alongside premiere edge rusher Myles Garrett. As is often the case with top pick QBs tasked with saving bad franchises, each becomes less and less attractive as the years go by and they hit the ceiling of "damn good but not quite franchise saver" over and over. I went with Murray because while I think Goff is vastly underrated by most fans, Murray's got the ability and personality to drastically change an organization that feels like it's been hankering for a chance over the past five years. Murray was one of the NFL's brightest stars last year and figures to only improve, especially if you put him under the watchful gaze of an offensive guru (of sorts) in Zac Taylor.

2. Washington- DE Nick Bosa (2019)

Was REALLY torn with Carson Wentz and Nick Bosa for the Redskins. There's a lot of dead-ish weight here with Mitch Trubisky and Marcus Mariota and while Saquon may be the best player in theory, no team needs to take a running back in the top 5 (or in the first round at all). Assuming the Redskins are truly comfortable with Dwayne Haskins then taking Nick Bosa and pairing him up in the front four along with the likes of Montez Sweat, Matt Ionidis and Daron Payne would probably be a formidable ass crew.  Basically the Chase Young strategy.

3. Detroit- DE Joey Bosa (2016)

How about the Bosa Bros going back to back! One would assume tht if the Lions wanted a QB, they're GOING to have their pick of the proverbial litter on the back end. After all after Cincy, they'll have Tua, Herbert and Love at their disposal if taking a QB so amuses them. Instead operating under the belief that the Lions feel comfortable with Stafford for MAYBE one more year, it leaves us to choose from Joey Bosa, Solomon Thomas and Dante Fowler. Bosa is likely on his way to a multiple pro bowl career while Thomas may just grade out as average and Fowler is on his third team now. Easy choice if ya ask me.

4. NY Giants- WR Amari Cooper (2015)

The Giants would be picking from a variety of offensive players; two of which are current Dallas Cowboys. You have Amari Cooper, Zeke Elliott, Leonard Fournette on offense and then Denzel Ward at cornerback as pretty much your only other option. Give me Amari Cooper as he'd immediately step in and make an offense consisting of Daniel Jones, Barkley, Golden Tate and a two tight end threat of Evan Engram and Kaden Smith a pretty damn formidable one.

5. Miami- OLB Bradley Chubb (2018)

This WOULD be easy in theory. Cornerback Jalen Ramsey would've been a FINE choice here but the Dolphins have Xavien Howard and Byron Jones on the back end. With Jalen Ramsey out of the picture, you have an interesting linebacker in Devin White, a superb guard in Brandon Scherff and my selection Bradley Chubb. With so much locked in on the defense, Chubb (if healthy) steps in as an immediate premiere pass rusher. Barely edges out Brandon Scherff. BARELY.

6. LA Chargers- OG Quinton Nelson (2018)

Man! The Chargers would have their glut of talent to choose from if they so desired. Want an elite strong safety? Jamal Adams was picked 6th in 2018. Want a QB to groom and develop? Daniel Jones went here in 2019. If you want a flexible havoc inducing DL piece? Leonard Williams in 2015 went 6th overall. Ronnie Stanley is a pretty damn good tackle as well.  Quinton Nelson is a top 3 guard in just two seasons and figures to continue to improve. It's not a premiere position for a lot of people but Nelson bucks the trend.

7. Carolina- QB Josh Allen (2018)

Funny bit? We have two Josh Allens here as Josh Allen from Wyoming and Josh Allen from Kentucky both went 7th overall. Both would be tremendous picks given the Panthers needs (an elite edge or a QB). Deforest Buckner finally hit on his potential and got paid paid for it as well, fitting in interestingly here as a potential flexible front line piece. The Panthers just paid Teddy Bridgewater relatively big time money but if you have the chance to take a really athletic strong armed QB who has shown strides in two seasons, you should do it. Imagine Allen throwing it to the likes of DJ Moore and Christian McCaffery.

8. Arizona- RB Christian McCaffery (2017)

THIS one was hard given the lack of obvious options. Do you need more receiving options? If so TE TJ Hockenson was picked 8th. Christian McCaffery is probably the best player at this spot but again, running backs and top 10s and etc etc etc. Nuke Hopkins, Larry Fitzgerald and Christian Kirk are on paper a superb trio of WRs and you also have Kenyan Drake at RB. Vic Beasley is a good pass rusher who has sort of lost his way as a player (hence the one year prove it deal). Give me McCaffery I guess. I think he'd do wonders in Kingbsury's offense and I suppose you can make he and Drake work together. That's why head coaches get paid.

9. Jacksonville- OT Mike McGlinchey (2018)

There's not a lot of obvious fits for a tanking team like the Jaguars. DT Ed Oliver would be intriguing but I have no idea how he fits in with the Jaguars defense. The likes of Leonard Floyd (recently released), Ereck Flowers (failed tackle turned kinda failed guard), John Ross (oft injured speedster) are other options. Lastly there's Mike McGlinchey who was starting at right tackle for the Super Bowl 49ers. The Jaguars have spent picks at both tackle spots but McGlinchey is better.

10. Cleveland- QB Patrick Mahomes (2017)

Fuck. Would the Browns even with Baker Mayfield flirt with taking Patrick Mahomes? Who cares. Mayfield can be traded. If you have the chance to grab the best QB in the NFL, you do it. Easy peasy.

11. NY Jets- CB Marshon Lattimore (2016)

This one came down to Lattimore or Minkah Fitzpatrick. Fitzpatrick can do so much across a secondary and his swiss army knife toolset was amplified in a Pittsburgh secondary that left to his devices where he could roam free and fuck shit up. On the other hand, Marshon Lattimore represents one of the NFL's rare commodities; a star shutdown cornerback. Plus with Marcus Maye and Jamal Adams tie up the safety spots pretty well.

12. Las Vegas- QB Deshaun Watson (2017)

The Raiders are openly flirtatious with moving on from Derek Carr. Deshaun Watson would step in and be a massive upgrade. There's also not much here either given how 90% of the players are DL and the Raiders have plenty of names and faces they like there. Maxx Crosby, Maliek Collins, John Hankins and Clelin Ferrell to name a few.

13. San Francisco f/IND- OG Laremy Tunsil (2016)

Take the 49ers OL with Joe Staley, Mike McGlinchey and Laken Tomlinson and then slide in Laremy Tunsil at RG. That's an absurd OL. There also weren't many options to really delve into either depending on how you feel about Da'Ron Payne and Vita Vea.

14. Tampa Bay- DE Marcus Davenport (2018)

Pick 14 over the past five years is a bit of a dry spell unfortunately. The best player on the list is DeVante Parker and the Bucs clearly have a collection of damn good WRs. Shaq Barrett and JPP are in place for 2020 but could the Bucs use Davenport as a third rusher and move him inside on pass rush downs. Not a lot of good ideas here unfortunately.

15. Denver- RB Melvin Gordon (2015)

Easy peasy! I mean Denver just signed him! That's a bit of a cheapie but let's keep with it. Gordon fitshere (and nobody else does).

16. Atlanta- LB Tremaine Edmunds (2018)

Edmunds with Deion Jones? Sign me up! The only other option that makes sense here is Marlon Humphrey at corner which would be an equally fine pick.

17. Dallas- S Derwin James (2018)

Given that Arik Armstead and John Allen would be 3-technique types in this defense, it makes sense we would ONCE again look at the safety market! Yay! The Cowboys scheme in 2018 apparently didn't like Derwin James as much as the media thought they did but this is a brand new scheme and a new way to play. Derwin James would edge out Keanu Neal (who BTW when healthy is an amazing safety) by virtue of being more of the chess piece the Cowboys need.

18. Miami f/PIT- C Ryan Kelly (2017)

Again there's a glut of corners here but the Dolphins have their fair share. As such, turn your attention over to a glut of centers---who they also just signed a guy for. Ryan Kelly is a pro bowl center though and you can make exceptions for that.

19. Las Vegas f/CHI- LB Leighton Vander-Esch (2018)

One of the better linebackers in the NFL prior to his neck injury, LVE was a friggin' elite athlete who could still redefine what NFL linebackers look like. His defensive coordinator is there as well (as the DL coach) and I bet Gruden would love his leadership and his ability as an off ball linebacker. This one is easy enough.

20. Jacksonville f/LAR- TE Noah Fant (2019)

The Jaguars are in the midst of a rebuild of sorts but unfortunately there's no immediate building block pieces at 20. It came down to Frank Ragnow (a versatile OL with upside) or Noah Fant and I opted for tight end Noah Fant since Minshew could use a reliable safety blanket. Assuming Fant can control his drops of course.

21. Philadelphia- WR Will Fuller (2016)

The Eagles could REALLY use some targets for Carson Wentz. Last year in clutch games they were relying on JJ Arceaga-Whiteside and Boston Scott for targets outside of their tight ends. Wouldn't have a problem going with FS Darnell Savage either who also went at 21.

22. Minnesota f/BUF- DE Bud Dupree (2015)

I don't know if the Vikings NEED an edge but even if they don't, there's really no options here. Josh Doctson was a flop in Washington, Charles Harris was a flop in Miami, Rashaan Evans plays the same spot as their glut of damn good linebackers and Andre Dillard is an unproven tackle for Philly to this point. Hit or miss here.

23. New England- Isaiah Wynn (2018)

I mean they drafted him here. Easy enough. Although would they take TE Evan Engram all things being equal?

24. New Orleans- WR DJ Moore (2018)

The Saints did grab Emmanuel Sanders but DJ Moore, Sanders and Michael Thomas is a whole different world of WR depth. There's also pretty much nobody else here worthy of snagging either.

25. Minnesota- WR Marquise Brown (2019)

HOLLYWOOD! The Vikings just traded away Stefon Diggs and could use an infusion of playmaker at their WR spot to help assist their TE room, Dalvin Cook and Adam Thielen. Marquise Brown would give Kirk Cousins a souped up version of Jamison Crowder; a WR-3 he relied heavily on in Washington.

26. Miami f/HOU- DE Montez Sweat (2019)

So the Dolphins have signed a lot of DE and we also gave them Bradley Chubb earlier BUT Montez Sweat is going to terrorize the NFL for the next 5-10 years and so he and Chubb combined? That's big time pass rush. Also, again, not much to really select from here either.

27. Seattle- CB Byron Jones (2015)

If you drew up a make and model for a Seahawks DB? It looks like Byron Jones. Byron just got paid big time money by Miami It's Byron vs Tre White and Byron fits the mold a bit better. Could also see Seattle liking Kenny Clark. Lots of good defensive players at 27.

28. Baltimore- OG Laken Tomlinson (2015)

Let Tomlinson battle it out with the interior OL the Ravens have currently. There's really not much here, it's either Tomlinson or DT Jerry Tillery.

29. Tennessee- TE David Njoku (2017)

Funny story, the 2016 1st round pick here was forfeited via deflategate. With just four names to choose from (and not really much to talk about either way), the Titans take David Njoku. Njoku has struggled with his role in Cleveland and the Titans do have some solid tight ends already in place but Njoku would be a pretty nice flier. Most of the guys here at 29 are just not good unless you're a Taven Bryan truther.

30. Green Bay- LB TJ Watt (2017)

And Cowboys fans across the globe shudder in horror. Yes, the Packers have two really good DEs in the Smith brothers. There's nobody else here who comes remotely close to the pure value TJ Watt has. Let him rush from the left side and rack up the sacks. You can figure it out somehow I figure. Let Preston Smith play 3-tech or something!

31. San Francisco- LB Reuben Foster (2017)

On one hand, the less said about Foster the better. On the other, there's really nobody else here who would come close. Unless you're a Germaine Ifedi fan?

32. Kansas City- DT Malcolm Brown (2015)

For any other team in any other league, this is Lamar Jackson. The Chiefs are really set at QB for the next 10-15 years so we'll have to take a pass. Instead Malcolm Brown is pretty much the only other really good value play. Big thumpy 1-tech/nose tackles are usually found later on in the draft but Brown is a good one and the Chiefs truthfully don't need much else either.

[nerdypinupcrystal]

Every Breath You Take Chapter 4: Modern Love

I’m baaaack! Thanks again for following and reblogging this story! I love all of you!!! We’ve got a nice lengthy chapter here, with a lot more interaction between Matt and Iris.  This was a lot of fun to write and I hope you enjoy it! Btw, to set the mood for the chapter, listen to Modern Love by David Bowie while reading :)

Chapter 4: Modern Love

After spending the next couple of hours chatting and setting up my new employment, I remembered I needed to do some real grocery shopping.  The bakery started getting a bit busy, so after a quick hug and exchange of phone numbers, I walked out of Sweet Heaven feeling accomplished and excited to start my new job the next morning.

Oh how I wish I could call Mom right now and tell her the good news. God I’ve missed her so much. I felt horrible for not going to visit her as soon as I came to the city. But it wasn’t safe enough yet. I couldn’t risk going and being recognized. What if he found out somehow and something ended up happening to her?

It’s not safe yet, but it will be. Just have to lay low a little longer, then you and Mom will be okay.

Setting those thoughts aside before I could lose myself to them, I set out for the nearest grocery store.

The sun was setting as I walked out of the store carry a few bags of groceries. As I walked down the sidewalk to head home, I spotted a little antique store to my left. A few things to give the apartment a little personality wouldn’t hurt.  With that being reason enough for me, I turned towards the shop and welcomed myself in.

The store was small, cluttered, and it smelled as old as the antiques and knickknacks it was carrying. I might become a regular here.

The house I lived in before was like a museum. All glass and marble,very cold and beautiful, and I wasn’t allowed to touch anything without his permission. I hated that house. It was the “best house on the beach” and I fucking hated it. So now that I was out of there, I became determined to make my home everything that house wasn’t. Everything he looked down his nose at, I wanted to make the center of attention.

I found some books that were still in good condition; Interview with the Vampire, Frankenstein, The Complete Fiction of H.P. Lovecraft, The Complete Tales And Poems of Edgar Allan Poe. That collection of gothic literature was definitely going home with me. I suddenly remembered the groceries in my hands and realized I couldn’t get much today, but I would definitely be going back tomorrow.

As I was walking towards the register to pay, something out the corner of my eye caught my attention. To my right was a table with an array of CDs of different artists ranging from David Bowie to Wanda Jackson. And among this vast collection of music sat a small stereo for sale. It was a combination cassette/CD player that looked to be in decent condition.

It didn’t hit me until now just how much I’ve missed listening to music I loved. He always hated my “juvenile” taste in music, so he made me get rid of all of my albums. He only liked classical music, especially that one horrible symphony he insisted on playing constantly, and had always given me the chills.

Well he’s not here now. And you don’t have to ever hear that terrible music ever again. You know you want your music back. Take it!

Without a second thought, I reached for the stereo and grabbed as many CDs as I could carry; thanking God once again for remembering to take my backpack with me today.  After I paid, I stuffed my new treasures in my backpack, carrying the stereo by the handle along with my groceries, and headed towards home.

As I was getting closer to the apartment building, I felt a shiver down my spine. I was being watched again. I tensed up as I stopped and looked all around me, again not seeing anyone suspicious. I looked up at the roof, only this time it truly was empty up there with not a soul in sight.

I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and turned to get to the entrance.  I turned too quickly though, and crashed into a wall of muscle.

“Oh shit!” I yelped as I blindly tripped over our feet and my ass was about to get acquainted with the ground.

At least that would’ve been the case, if the wall of muscle in question hadn’t have caught me faster than I could blink, just a foot away from hitting the pavement.  I looked up at my savior, only to have my jaw drop at seeing the familiar red sunglasses and heart-stopping smile of Matt Murdock.

“Ms. Roberts, I thought we were supposed to worry about me suing you, not the other way around.” He said with a smile but with a concerned tone in his voice.

God, why are you testing me when it comes to this criminally gorgeous man?

I let out a nervous giggle. “Well, Mr. Murdock, if you would just wear a bell around your neck once in a while, maybe I’d hear you and not bump into you every single time we meet.”

He let out a chuckle, sending exciting shivers through my body, giving me goosebumps. “You know, you’re not the first one to suggest I wear a bell around my neck. Maybe I should consider it.”

“Well I’ll be on the lookout for a nice red bell to match your glasses.” I replied, causing him to let out a full laugh, making the shivers running through me even more intense.

“If you get one, I might actually wear it…” he trailed off in thought. “Some day.”

I rolled my eyes and giggled, “People always say “some day” when they actually mean “no chance in Hell”. That kind of defeats the purpose of getting the bell.” I raised my eyebrow at him expectantly as I continued, “You want to try that again, Mr. Murdock?”

Matt looked deep in thought before he leaned in closer, his warm breath making my face heat up like a furnace and my heart racing at ludicrous speed.

He replied with a sly smirk. “Some day.”

“Oh!” I let out an exaggerated gasp like I was insulted and lightly smacked his shoulder with the hand that was holding the small stereo, causing him to laugh once more.  

God, he has a beautiful laugh.  Oh damn it, snap out of it!

I snapped out of my thoughts and took a second to realize we never moved from our spot. He was still holding me in his arms a foot away from the ground.  He held me in what could be a very romantic dip as if we were dancing. My heart raced even faster at the images dancing in my head. I felt his grip tighten around me.

I cleared my throat to break the suddenly intimate moment. “We should probably move out of the way.”

I felt his fingers tighten slightly at my back before clearing his throat as well to reply, “Yeah, sorry, you’re probably right. We should head inside.”

With that, he stood up from his lunge that he held in position for who knows how many minutes (I refused to think about how strong and muscular his thighs must be) and helped me up along. My body lost the warmth it felt while being held in his muscular arms. I felt safe in those arms.

I shook myself out of my daydreaming when I saw two of my grocery bags were on the ground.

Matt must’ve sensed my movement towards the bags.  “Oh Iris, I’m sorry! Here, let me help you.” He said as he crouched down to reach for the bags.

“Oh no, Matt, it’s okay.” I tried to grab the bags first. “I’ve got this.”

But Matt was quicker as he got a hold on the bags before I could touch a strap. “No, please, Iris. I insist. It’s the least I can do after I knocked you off your feet.” He said with an apologetic, but still beautiful smile.

More like swept me off my feet, you mean.

“Well okay, when you put it like that.” Was all I could say without blurting out my inner thoughts.  

“Shall we?” He asked as he held out his arm for me to take, the chivalrous gentleman that he is.

Damn it, Matt! You’re making it harder trying to keep my distance. And making it too damn easy to fall for you, and I barely even know you!

I shook off my inner thoughts and chuckled at the chivalrous gesture as I accepted his arm. “Why yes, we shall. Lead the way, Mr. Murdock.”

“I believe I asked you to call me Matt, Iris,” Matt said with a smirk as we started walking towards the entrance. “And besides, it’s probably not safe for me to do the leading. Call it a hunch.”

I shook my head and giggled at his constant blind jabs. “Fine then, I’ll do the leading, Matt.”

“Well now I think that’s even worse.” Matt’s smirk grew even wider as he commented.

“Wise ass.” I replied, failing to stop my laughter as we entered the building and walked towards the elevator.

We made it up to our floor without further incident. It wasn’t until we came close to my apartment that I realized Matt was still holding my groceries.

I turned to retrieve my groceries from him, “Thanks so much for your help, Matt. I can take it from here.”

However, Matt rebutted, “Nonsense, my lovely neighbor. I can help carry them into your place, if that’s okay of course.”

I hesitated for a minute. I wasn’t sure how to feel about having a man I barely know inside my private home. On the other hand, Matt’s a really nice guy and has given me no reason not to trust him. So far.

“Um, yeah sure,” I finally replied. “Come on in.”

I unlocked the door and allowed Matt inside first. I followed after, leaving the door open. Just in case.

“The counter is about five steps to your right, you can set them down there.” I told him as I made my way over to the counter.

Matt seemed to appreciate the gesture. “Thank you,” he smiled as he walked towards the counter. “Not many people are courteous enough to give helpful tips like that.”

I smiled and replied as I unpacked my groceries, “My mom’s blind. I grew up knowing how be helpful and respectful better than some people.” I figured giving him that one honest thing about me couldn’t hurt.

Matt smiled in understanding. “That must’ve been a challenge growing up.”

I shook my head, “It was at first when I was really little and didn’t quite understand yet, but she’s always been fiercely independent.  She never had too hard of a time being able to do anything without sight.”

“She sounds like an amazing woman.” Matt said with admiration in his voice.

I smiled with pride, “She really is.  I’ve missed her so much.”

Matt frowned, “Oh, I’m sorry. Did she…”

I knew what he was asking and was quick to reply, “Oh no! Not yet, thank God.” I saw Matt relax with relief as I continued, “She’s in a nursing home. She had a stroke.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” Matt replied. “Have you gone to see her since you moved here?”

I shook my head in disappointment, “Not yet. I…” I don’t think it’s safe “I want to get settled in my new job first. Which I just got today.” I concluded, wanting to change the subject before I said too much.

Matt seemed to go along with it as he responded, “Oh, that’s great! Where at?”

“This really cute little bakery on the corner of 57th street, so not too far from here. It’s called Sweet Heaven.” I smiled thinking about my exciting new job.

Matt tilted his head in an amused smirk, “The irony of that name is not lost on me.”

I let out a laugh when I got what he meant. “Well the owner does have a quirky sense of humor.” I started putting my groceries away as I continued talking, “Maybe you and Foggy can stop by sometime. The treats are pretty addicting, and I can already recommend some of my favorites.”

Matt chuckled as he replied, “I’m definitely going to take you up on that. Foggy has a hell of a sweet tooth.” He then frowned as he continued, “I’m sorry for how blunt he was earlier, by the way. He tends to speak first and think later.”

I blushed in embarrassment from how I acted that morning. “It’s alright. I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly. Twice now.” I hesitated before I continued with some vague honesty, “I’m going through some stuff right now, that I really don’t want to talk about, and I’ve just been on edge, to say the least.”

Good. Giving him a little bit of truth without the actual details will feel less like lying, and hopefully be enough for him to not ask any questions.

Matt nodded in understanding as it felt like his eyes were staring into mine. “It’s alright, I understand completely.” He stepped closer towards me, stopping at a much closer, but still respectable distance. “And if you ever need any kind of help, or at least someone to talk to, I’m a really good listener. You’re a really nice girl to have as a neighbor, and if it’s alright with you, I’d like to be your friend.” He finished with sweet, gentle smile.

My heart was beating so fast, I thought it would beat out of my chest. He sounded so sweet and sincere, and already treated me with more respect than I’ve ever been treated, it was taking everything in me not to cry.

I cleared my throat to swallow the lump as I replied, “Thank you, Matt. I’d love to be your friend.” He flashed me his beautiful smile that shone even brighter than I’ve ever seen it so far.

“Well since we’re friends now, it’s only right that you make it up to me for running off twice in a row and hurting my feelings in the process.” He smirked, breaking the emotional and tense moment with his humor.

I let out a laugh, “Okay, you got me.  What are your terms, council?”

Matt’s eyebrow raised as he held his smirk, “Starting on lawyer jokes, huh? I can see I’m starting to rub off on you.”

Please don’t talk about rubbing anything off on me after we’ve just become friends. I’m testing myself enough as it is.

Matt continued, “How about you make it up to me by joining me for dinner tomorrow night?”

My heart stopped. I should’ve expected him to say that, but I didn’t.  The idea of a dinner alone with him made me thrilled, but also really nervous at the intimacy of it all.  But we’d just become friends, and I felt I could trust him.

“Um, sure! I’d love to.” That provoked another brilliant smile from him, causing me to smile along with him. “What did you have in mind?”

He shrugged, “Not sure yet. Let’s talk about it tomorrow, ok?  I might take you up on your suggestion and stop by the bakery.”

I smiled in relief as I replied, “Sounds good. I’m there from 8 till 4 tomorrow, so you can stop by anytime between that time.”

“Sounds great. I look forward to seeing you there.” My eyebrow raised at his funny choice of words. The man loved his blind jokes. He chuckled as he continued, “Well I’ve taken up enough of your time, and I have some work to do, so I’ll get out of your hair.”

I smiled as I walked him towards the still open door. “Okay, thanks again, Matt. It was really nice talking to you.”

Matt turned to face me as he smiled at me, “It was nice talking to you, Iris. Have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I giggled and replied, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t work too hard.”

Matt smirked as he made the short walk to his apartment, “I make no promises.”

I rolled my eyes in amusement, “Well then don’t hurt yourself from working too hard.”

He still held that sexy smirk as he replied, “I can’t make promises on that either.”

I laughed, not knowing how true that statement could be. “Goodnight, you workaholic!” I heard him say it back as I closed the door.

Before I went back to putting my groceries away, I decided to try out the stereo. I plugged it in and popped in David Bowie’s greatest hits. As I pressed play, my attention drew to the cupboard and I noticed that I had stacked the cans in perfect, pristine order, with the labels facing out in perfect unison.

Just the way he liked it.

I must’ve been so caught up in talking to Matt, that I stacked them on autopilot. Before I could lose myself in another painful memory, I faintly heard the familiar riffs of Modern Love. My favorite song.

He’s not here to take it away from you. He can’t punish you for listening to it. You’re free. You’re safe. Now turn up the volume and knock those fucking cans down!

Feeling more determined, I turned up the volume loud enough to fill the empty space, and proceeded to happily knock the pristine cans off alignment. My giggles grew louder and louder as I knocked each can into the cupboard until it was a wonderful, unorganized mess.

My heart felt light as a feather, I felt the sudden urge to dance. So I did.

I danced like I was Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club, I did clumsy cartwheels in my living room, I jumped up on the couch and danced on the cushions, and I sang loud and proud to the lyrics I haven’t heard in so long.

But I try I try Never going to fall for (Modern Love) Walks beside me (Modern Love) Walks on by (Modern Love) Gets me to the Church on Time (Church on Time) Terrifies me (Church on Time) Makes me party (Church on Time) Puts my trust in God and Man (God and Man) No confessions! (God and Man) No religion (God and Man) Don't believe In Modern Love

This was the first real fun I’d had in years, I sang and danced like no one was watching. I was too lost in the music that I didn’t notice the familiar dark figure standing on the rooftop across from my window watching over me with a smile on his face.

I woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed and relaxed than ever. I jumped out of bed and quickly got myself all pretty and ready for my first day at work.

I didn’t see Matt as I left the apartment, so I assumed he was at work already. I couldn’t wait to see him later today.

It seemed like time had gone by fast as Lucy was training me. We were having such a good time working together, I didn’t realize it was almost noon. And no sign of Matt yet.

I was wiping the counter, feeling anxious, when I heard the bell ring from the door opening.

“Hi, welcome to Sweet Heaven! How may I help you?” I greeted before I looked up and recognized the two familiar faces. One being the cool red shades and dazzling smile of Matt Murdock, the other being the blonde teddy bear known as Foggy Nelson. “Oh hey, guys!” I grinned.

“Hello, lovely Iris, and what a glorious Heaven it is!” Exclaimed Foggy with excitement.

I giggled in reply, “Well, just wait until you’ve had a bite. You’ll really be in Heaven then!” I turned towards Matt and smiled even brighter. “Hi, Matt.”

He smiled back, “Hi, Iris. How’s your first day going so far?”

“So far so good!” I replied. “We had a slight breakfast rush this morning, but it’s mellowed out for now. And you’ll be happy to know that I haven’t burned anything even once!” I finished, feeling very proud of myself.

Matt let out a laugh, “I’m very impressed, Ms. Rogers. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about filing a lawsuit for burnt pastries anytime soon.” He said with a sly smirk.

I rolled my eyes with a chuckle, “Don’t jinx me! The day is still young, Mr. Murdock.”

I heard the familiar steps of a stunning brunette amazon walking up behind me as she cut in, “What’s this I’m hearing about lawsuits, Iris?” Lucy asked as she stood next to me. “Don’t tell me I’m losing you already! I just trained you on how to preserve the bodies properly in the freezer. You can’t take that away from me!” She said, being so serious with her dramatics, I didn’t know if the guys understood she was joking.

I laughed as I played along, “Don’t worry, Lucy. The bodies will continue being looked after properly.” She sighed in relief. I heard Matt’s hypnotizing laugh as I gestured toward the two lawyers. “I’d like you to meet my friends Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson. They’re lawyers, so be careful what you say in front of them.” I said with my own amused smirk.

Lucy smiled at the gentlemen, and especially waves flirtatiously at a certain blushing blonde teddy bear.

“Guys,” I continued the introductions, “This beautiful woman is Lucy Addams, the owner of this literal piece of Heaven.”

Lucy stepped out from behind the counter to shake hands with the handsome men as I followed to join them.

“It’s very nice to meet you, gentlemen.” Lucy said as she held up her hand, Matt being the first to take it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Ms. Addams.” He said with his charming smile. “I’ve heard your bakery is amazing, and I’m really looking forward to trying some of your desserts.”

Lucy smiled, “Why thank you, Mr. Murdock. I hope you enjoy it, especially the treats Iris has baked herself.” She gestured towards me.

“I’m sure I’ll love them.” He smirked in my general direction. “And please, like I’ve told Iris several times before, call me Matt. We don’t need to be so formal.”

We shared a laugh as Lucy replied, “As long as you call me Lucy.” She then turned towards Foggy, who I had just realized was completely silent ever since Lucy came out. “And you must be Foggy, isn’t that right, handsome?” She smiled flirtatiously at him.

Silence. Foggy stood silently in a daze, looking at Lucy with the closest thing to “heart eyes” I’ve ever seen. I failed to hold back my snort of amusement.

Matt “subtly” nudged Foggy back to earth, knocking him out of his daze.  

“Hi!” Foggy squeaked as he gently shook her hand, “I’m Foggy Addams- Nelson! Foggy Nelson. You’re so beautiful- I mean it’s beautiful to meet you!” He stammered, his face getting redder and redder.

I was snorting like a pig, I tried so hard not to laugh and embarrass the poor love struck man even further. Matt appeared to be struggling as well, his lips tightening, failing to keep a straight face in front of his friend.

Lucy just smiled, her cheeks reddening. “It’s beautiful to meet you, too, Foggy.” The blonde teddy bear let out a giggle, while he was still holding her hand. Lucy continued, “And as for the last name, let’s have some treats and get to know each other first.” She winked.

Foggy’s eyes widened as his hand went limp, finally letting go of her hand. Matt and I stood and witnessed Lucy leading Foggy by the hand towards the desserts while he kept his heart eyes on her and followed her lead like a lost puppy.

Foggy had it bad. I looked over at Matt, my heart racing as I stared at his contagious smile.

I’m right there with you, Foggy.

Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to reblog and leave some feedback!! *Kiss noise*

@jobean12-blog @cametobuyplums @tomhollandeu @emilymarie0422

[sheith-fanfic-writer-blog]

Idk if you’re okay with AUs? Anyway I know it’s been done before (any fic recs btw?) but I have a huge thing for college AU where Shiro is a TA and Keith is an undergrad student, and Keith keeps on going to office hours under the pretense of not understanding the material even though he’s literally the top of the class.

Hi @seriously-sheith , thank you for this prompt. I have deviated slightly from what you asked but I hope you still like it. I am sorry for the ending, I was getting to the stage with these two lovebirds where I just wanted someone to push them together and just get them the kiss! Haha, I think Matt and Pidge would do just that as well  :P 

Mondays were beautiful days, the sun always shined, and no rain dared to fall from the sky, the grey clouds would continue floating by, always making sure to cross the county border before any student realistically woke up.

Keith loved Mondays, much to the utter disgust of his friends and roommates. Mondays were his second favourite day of the week. He would plan out his outfit throughout the Sunday afternoon, always selecting colours that best accentuated his long, lithe features and slim waist. Tight, ripped skinny jeans in varying colours and well-fitted T-shirts with funny phrases or logos – they always created a comment from his desired one.

Today’s T-shirt said ‘Hashtag the Hashtag!’ which he had no idea what it meant but the top looked great on him and Shiro always commented on his tops, any shred of attention from him was treasured like gold dust and carefully stored so that every minute detail, from the exact time to the scent of Shiro’s shampoo, could be easily remembered.

Oh God, that just sounded creepy.

On this specific Monday morning Keith found himself at the kitchen table with a bowl of multicoloured cereal, reading over his equally multicoloured notes from Shiro’s Aviation Engineering tutoring class, where they had been focusing on the recent designs of the MFE’s and how unique the satellite missile system’s programming was compared to other fighter jets.

Now, the only reason Keith was taking this class was because of Shiro. For he had fallen head over heels in love with the guy almost as soon as he saw him butt naked in his Art and Anatomy class where they were doing from life sketches of people, or as Keith put it ‘how to draw a God’.

When Keith had arrived in the old classroom which stank of thirty year’s worth of paint, varnish and glue, he wasn’t expecting anyone special and probably just that old ginger, moustachioed man who always used to strike the most ridiculous poses. However, to the delight of Keith (and maybe some of the other students who had bothered to turn up for that class) they were greeted with a well-endowed Shiro, perched on a plush armchair in the centre of the circle sipping a Starbucks coffee (a soy latte) his Levi jeans, briefs and T-shirt were folded neatly on Keith’s desk. When Keith approached his usual spot Shiro had turned a bright red and apologised profusely for leaving his clothes ‘dumped’ on his desk – not that Keith actually minded, it was their first conversation after all.

Keith later found out that Shiro was a graduate student and TA at the university, studying Astronomy and Astral Engineering, and though Keith was studying an Art major, he decided to take one of Shiro’s classes…for science, of course.

Surprisingly Keith has been doing really well, not only did it feel like he was treading water with professional swimmers, but he was also racing them, and he was winning! All thanks to the beautiful Shiro who Keith had been crushing on for almost a year.

But it was not like anything was ever going to happen between them, but a man could still dream.

 xxx

Shiro loved Mondays, he got to sleep in and have waffles with Matt at the diner down the street from their flat, he only had to teach one class and then after dinner he had a two-hour tutoring lesson with a guy he has been crushing on since said guy sauntered into a certain art classroom wearing skinny black jeans and a hot ass leather jacket.

Admittedly, Shiro wished that they could have met in better circumstances and not when Shiro was doing a favour for Coran, who had somehow done his back in during his last modelling session! 

Yes, Keith was beautiful and smart and funny and all Shiro wanted to do was gush and moan about him all day long to Matt, but whenever he tried all he got was ‘just ask him out!’ promptly followed by Matt deafening himself with his headphones just so that he no longer had to hear Shiro’s whining. 

But there was no way Shiro could do that, Keith only saw him as a TA, maybe even as a friend at the very most! There was no way they could be more than that…

xxx

The corridor was long and surprising packed full of students with heavy backpacks and sleepy eyes. 

Down the hall, Shiro was walking with Matt just a step behind him. Keith was walking towards him. 

Oh, God. 

'Shiro, do you trust me?’ asked Matt. 

'What are you-' 

'Just, do you trust me?’ asked Matt again, more urgently this time. 

Shiro only nodded, his voice rendered useless as Keith was stepping closer and closer towards him, his peripheral vision was tunnelling and blurring as his eyes zeroed in on Keith. 

Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands on his shoulder blades and harsh push and Shiro was tripping over his clumsy big feet, only just catching himself before falling over backwards as he staggered on the extra weight of Keith’s body pushing into his chest. 

The world slowed down around them as they fell, their eyes met and their cheeks burning a hot crimson. Shiro’s arms wrapped themselves around Keith and pulled him into his chest. 

Landing on the cold tiled floor and bruising his tailbone should have been a downer for Shiro’s Monday morning but it wasn’t, because in his arms was an equally flustered Keith. 

'I am so so-’ Keith started.

'Are you ok-?’ began Shiro

'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHIRO JUST KISS HIM ALREADY!’ screamed Matt.

'KEITH NOWS YOUR CHANCE! TAKE IT MAN!’ shouted another guy Shiro didn’t know. 

It took about five minutes for the two gushing men to get up from off the floor and another ten minutes before they both asked each other out - at the same time.

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays calling cipher part 2

(Last Time on Calling Cipher... )

Lily, screaming, and banging her hands on the table: LET RILEY SAY FUCK

(jump cut)

Lily, screaming: LET RILEY SAY FUCK OUT LOUD! NOT IN HER HEAD! WE ALL SAY FUCK INTERNALLY! AAAAA

Brid: Lily, I am begging you to calm down. This is a video game! 

Lily: *literally falls off her chair* 

Brid: Lily? Lily, are you okay? Lily?

------------

Brid: Hey guys, Ace Hang is back again with more Calling Cipher! I’m Bridget!

Lily: And I’m Lily!

Brid: When we last left off, we finished the prologue, met our protagonist, thirsted over her... 

Lily: Mostly that. 

Brid: She was so cute, though... 

Lily: We also met a few characters, thank god we’re not the only girl here, learned there was some kind of conspiracy going on, and now we’re playing detective because we’re dumb and foolish, and we’ve recruited our friends to help us. Because we are all dumb and foolish. 

Brid: So what exactly did we learn? 

Lily: Maybe they should have watched the first video in the series. 

Brid: ... Yeah. Anyway, we stole a file from a school computer and some short kid thinks we’re our long-distance boyfriend. 

Lily: Plus we ran into our ex, and also got teased over us accidentally thirsting over our calc professor. 

Brid: By everyone and their mom. And our mom too. Like damn, she’s thirsty.

Lily: Not fun. 

Brid: I think the fact that we’re making a second part makes us qualify as masochists. 

--------

Lily: Oh, hey. Chase. What’s up?

Brid: Rich people things. The economy. Republicans. Nyu hu hu hu hu. 

Lily: Never say that again. Anyway, we’re really diving right into the investigation, aren’t we? 

Brid: Yeah. Wrong route, girl. 

Lily: Nah. 

--------

Lily: She’s out here wondering if he has a swimmer bod.

Brid: I don’t actually know any swimmers, so... no wait, actually, Narin’s older brother does swim a lot, so...

Lily: But you’ve never seen him shirtless.

Brid: Yeah, no.

(five second asexual silence while music plays in the background)

Lily: Are all straight people like this?

Brid: Aw, he just winked. 

Lily: AW????

(some lines of text later, the protagonist just straight up says that the professor has a spider on his head, without making any side comments on how stupid that move was)

Brid: W O W. that was... a move. Not a power move. A move.

Lily: She doesn’t even regret that one. Holy shit.

Brid: If I said something that stupid I think I’d die of embarrassment. “Hey, Mr. Balls. There’s a spider on your head, that’s why I was staring at your piercing.”

Lily: I love how he fell for it, too! 

Brid: Fucking hell. He might actually have a personality that isn’t just “horny”. 

Lily: Oh my god, isn’t it funny that he joked about the spider and his name is Mr. Parker?

Brid: There is no way they’re going to pull a spiderman joke.

(the option to pull a spiderman joke)

Lily: OH MY GOD

Brid: THE ABSOLUTE MADWOMAN

Lily: AN ICON! A LEGEND!

Brid: LET ME MARRY HER

--------

Brid: So Riley wants to take over her parents’ network security company, while Chase wants to take over the pharm business, and... 

Lily: Guess so. And? 

Brid: Well, my parents do financial consulting, and they want me to take over. And you know how Nick’s parents are, like, huge stockholders in Kronus Technologies? 

Lily: ... Nick... who? 

Brid: Nick Kronus. I don’t think you’ve met him, but he stays at Mr. Perch’s place sometimes. He and Val... don’t exactly get along. 

Lily: Oh. So... rich prodigal son. 

Brid: Yeah. So.... actually, it’s kind of cool that both Riley and Chase want to take over their respective businesses. I mean, I don’t, and like... I’m hoping Mr. Perch will let me take on an internship or something. 

Lily: Dude, you know he’d do anything for you. He likes you more than he likes his own kid. 

Brid: I feel bad, honestly. 

(dialogue) 

Brid: “What are you up to, Chase Colton? What’s your deal?” Oh, man. He’s trying to look for information on Reynolds, isn’t he? 

Lily: Yeah... We did tell him, yeah? 

Brid: Of course. He was with us when we were looking over the computers. 

Lily: Wait, but familiar word-

(Matt walks in) 

Lily: GOD DAMN IT

Brid: I KNOW THIS IS YOUR ROUTE BUT FUCK YOU

Lily: WE ARE BUSY

Brid: YES YOU ARE INTERRUPTING SOMETHING

Lily: Oh, he knows who Chase is, too. 

Brid: Oh no. Also, I love how Chase is taller. That’s so funny. 

(dialogue) 

Brid: Oh yeah, I forgot that this was a community college. Yeah, why is Chase attending a community college? 

Lily: I love how Matt is just chipping into him. 

Brid: Man, Riley doesn’t even give a fuck. 

--------

Lily: Oh. “There are rumors of an undercover cop working the case”. That’s interesting. 

Brid: Wait. Wait. Could that be referring to Kai? 

Lily: ... Huh? 

Brid: Remember he was chatting with that guy that called him “shorty”? 

Lily: Oh, yeah. 

Brid: But first, lemme go grocery shopping! 

(The let me take a selfie song plays in the background with a bunch of grocery store vines displayed on screen for like 30 seconds) 

--------

Lily: Love this elevator music. 

Brid: (laughs out loud) She hit someone with a shopping cart! 

Lily: Fucking disaster bi! Lily: OH MY GOD IT’S THE FUCKIN. THE FUCKIN CALC GUY

Brid: SORRY WE FUCKING RAN YOU OVER WITH A SHOPPING CART DUDE

Lily: JE NE REGRETTE NEIN

Brid: I REGRETTE IT

Lily: “so anyway you just killed my foot”

Brid: “no i didn’t”

Lily: “fuck you i’ll sue”

Brid: “you’re poor”

Lily: “and now you’re roasting me”

Brid: “shut up and i’ll buy you coffee”

Lily: “and now you want to poison me”

Brid: “ha joke’s on you i’m a mess”

Lily: This fucking banter, dude. 

--------

Brid: She’s a PALADIN who rides a GIANT FLYING MANTA???

Lily: I LOVE her. 

Brid: I’d die for her. 

Lily: Damn, he sure knows a lot about network security. HMMMMMM

Brid: Oh would you calm down?

(more witty banter until he calls her cute)

Brid: “HE JUST CALLED ME CUTE!” Fool, I’m in love with her too! 

Lily: You’re out there, and she’s- OH SHIT! SHE JUST GOT HIT IN THE FACE WITH A DODGEBALL!

Brid: Ouch!

Lily: Okay, but like, seriously? I’ve gotten hit in the face with dozens of balls and yeah. Ouch. 

(romantic scene) 

Brid: She is so cute. 

Lily: Wait. He has a ponytail? 

Brid: So? Sam has one. Anyway, she’s precious. 

Lily: SHE THOUGHT FUCK AGAIN-

-------

Brid: Great. We call our mom and get even more roasted. 

Lily: I. Hate this. But at the same time, I wish my mom were, like, cool. 

Brid: Okay, but like, yeah. I’d take being roasted over the bullshit I have to deal with every day. 

Lily: Anyway, I now know where she got that sass of hers. 

Brid: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??”

Lily: “I’m a romantic, honey! Also, like... make sure you get me some of that”

Brid: Oh, she’s asking about that program that deletes the original from the original IP. 

Lily: Right. I love how the mom’s just like- “no. don’t do this again, honey. you promised”

Brid: This fucking MC... she is so valid. 

-------

Lily: Oh hey. It’s Kai. 

Brid: Time to pull out my Val impression. 

Lily: Can’t wait! 

Brid: “How the hell should I know? Did you give all of the computers nicknames?” Pff. I love doing my Val impression for this guy. It’s so on point. 

Lily: What did Val say about your Val impression, anyway? 

Brid: He said that my voice was too high pitched to sound anything like his voice, but Arthur said the inflection was spot-on!

Lily: I definitely see that, yeah. 

Brid: I mean, he’s so Val, though... 

Lily: Don’t start assigning kins, now. 

Brid: I’m not looking to get murdered by one of my co-stars. Oh, hey, Chase is here. 

Lily: And looks like we’re actually going to learn something. 

-------

Brid: Dyphine! 

Lily: A drug they’re working on. Stolen two years ago... 

Brid: And Jennifer Reynolds stole it and deleted every other copy. 

Lily: Damn. 

Brid: And you could net a lot of cash for it. 

Lily: ... Wow. And he needs our help to track her down. 

Brid: Do you trust him? 

Lily: Do I trust anyone? 

Brid: Yeah, good point. I mean, it’s Big Pharma, but at the same time, he’s been earnest with us. 

Lily: Oh, but wait! We have the formula! 

Brid: Yes! Let’s solve this case. 

Lily: I swear to god, if we head back home and it’s deleted. Because that’s totally going to happen. 

-------

Lily: OH NO. We’ve been hacked. 

(text on screen pointing to brid with her eyes wide at the art)

Brid: Well, shit. Cinematic hacking time! 

Lily: And this music is epic! It’s like final boss shit! 

Brid: Go girl! Go counter hack them!

Lily: YEAH BABEY

Brid: “If I’m going down, you’re coming with me, motherfucker! Yeah baby!”

Lily: I can’t believe she’s spamming the connection with pussy pics. 

Brid: ... did you have to phrase it like that

Lily: Hey, they’re saying something. I’ll voice it. “Bitmap? Really?”

Brid: “SORRY NOT SORRY”

Lily: “You have something of mine...” Oh no, it’s Jennifer!

Brid: Oh my god. 

Lily: Wait, no...? “I’m the guy who’s about to break your last shield”...? 

Brid: What? 

Lily: Wow, this is intense. “Nice job with the flooding btw.” Damn. “Would have worked if I weren’t on Egon.” Where was that mentioned before?

Brid: Huh. 

Lily: “Cute pic, though. Later, kitten.”

Brid: ... Is it... the teacher? 

Lily: Let’s see... yarn... crap, I can’t see past the dialogue box. 

Brid: Mah girl’s fired up! What’s next, baby! 

Lily: ... 

Brid: ... 

Lily: THERE’S AN UNRELEASED PART 2??

----------

(post video)

Brid: So what are your theories regarding Calc Daddy?

Lily: ... did you have to call him that

Brid: *snort*

Lily: Okay, like in all seriousness... hold on, give me like, fifteen minutes to collect my thoughts, because I have a lot of theories and they need some time in the Brain Oven. 

(one jump cut later, Lily is holding up a sheet of paper, which Brid is trying to look at, but Lily isn’t letting her)

Lily: Okay, so my conclusion from what I saw so far is that there is a 90% chance that he is, at the very least, connected to Juh-Reynolds and he’s either Jennifer herself, or working with her. My reasons are thus. First, you saw in the prologue that he called Ry-Ry “his little thief” indicating that she stole something from him. And he traced it using an IP address. So unless ya boi Cipher somehow VPN’d and made us a puppet, that file was somehow “his”. But wouldn’t it belong to Jreynolds, since Dyphine was HER research?

Brid: A-jreynold-in.

Lily: Fuck you. Second, and this one’s more of a symbolism thing, you might recall that password for the file was “icarus”. You know who he is, right?

Brid: Yeah, the guy who sculpted wax wings, flew into the sky, and then they melted and he fell.

Lily: You know how his sprite has a necklace shaped like a wing when he’s not wearing clothes?

Brid: When he’s not wearing clothes?

Lily: When he’s not wearing his suit and tie. Oh my god, we’re not at third base yet!

Brid: *laughs* Okay, but like, actually... that is interesting, I never made that connection.

Lily: Third, you saw how hard he grilled Chase over the whole “why the fuck are you attending a community college” thing. We didn’t notice because he was literally doing exactly what we wanted to do, and giving us the answers without us even needing to ask.

Brid: Yeah, and Riley was like, “yeah, keep saying shit”. I don’t know if he thought we shared the same goal or something... or if it was just a coincidence. Or, no! He probably wanted to know what we needed to know for J. K. Reynolds.

Lily: And number 4 does fit in with all of these, plus it also gives a clue to his motive. He said some things that would sound normal, except, they might not... I forget the exact context, but something about buying something expensive came up, and Riley said something like “aren’t you a community college professor, why are you doing something expensive, you don’t get paid for shit” and I think it was about moving into the neighborhood, though I could be wrong. And like, even though Riley is attending a community college, her parents are like network security people, she’s rich. And he’s... not?

Brid: Okay?

Lily: Recall that Chase said that you could make a shit ton of money from selling that formula. If he’s not J-Money herself, I think he’s working with her for a cut of the profits. More than enough to buy a house.

Brid: Right, and whatever answer he was about to give, we never got to hear it because mah girl got hit in the face with a soccer ball. 

Lily: Also, this one might be weird, but remember when we were hacked and we were sent a kitten picture?

Brid: Yeah?

Lily: Wasn’t the kitten sitting on a really pink blanket?

Brid: Yeah, it was, I think. Why are you asking?

Lily: It was shown off, so I think it’s relatively significant. This might be a long shot, and it does have a few conditions, but recall that he said at some point that he was staying with a friend. And I think he does chat with Riley at some point about high level computer stuff. Assuming he was the hacker or knew the hacker, I think from that, and the fact that the blanket was pink, that we can infer that his friend is a woman. And who’s the only adult woman in this series? ... besides our dirty minded mom?

Brid: It’s Jennolds!

Lily: That was... actually really clever. And we know that she can’t exactly show her face with Chase around. So she might be sending someone to do her dirty work for her. *eyes light up* ... wait, who’s the professor he replaced? Because he said that he’d be subbing for someone, some female professor, and then he cancelled all of our tests-

Brid: ...

Lily: ...

(they both dive for the keyboard)

(Text pops up on black: It was “Professor Mendez”, not “Reynolds”. Well, shit.)

(More text: The wing necklace part was correct. The grilling Chase part was also correct. However, though the pieces about him not getting paid much as a community college professor was mentioned, there was nothing about how much it cost to move into the neighborhood. We might have been thinking of the cosplayer character. But we forgot the fact that he happened to know network security programs pretty well when we were talking about the manta ray mount.)

(More text: Also, we were wrong about the pink blanket. It was more of a grey-ish-purple, but there was also a ball of yarn and a folded blue striped something on the blanket. Wonder what it could be?... seriously Lily thought it was his tie, but the text box is a bitch)

(More text: Anyway our conclusions are the same. Unless these were a bunch of red herrings.)

[calliecat93]

RvB Season 15: Top 3 Worst Things

With Season 16 only weeks away, I’ve been going back over Season 15 a lot the past few days. I’m very late to the party on giving critique because at first, I had zero issues with the season. And overall, I think it’s still a very good one. But... it’s not flawless. There’s definitely a few issues that could bring the season down for some and now that I ave a clearer mind, I can’t ignore it. But I also think that there’s plenty to praise about the season as well, so... I’m going to make two Top 3 Lists, starting with the Worst. Note, this post exists for critical reasons. This is not an attack on Joe, Miles, Burnie, or anyone at Rooster Teeth. There is no reason for it. I want to see Joe improve, not bring him down. SO if you want that, kindly fuck off. For now, lets get into the list!

...that got incredibly long so look under the cut!

Top Three Worst Things ABout RvB15

3. The Film Refrences Are Overly Used

Joe Nicolosi has admitted to being a movie buff, and I always feel like you should use what you like/what you’re good at when making anything. Jax’s character existed to use film humor, and at first it was pretty good. Things like him the Citizen Kane reference and Force Awakens reference in Episode 4, Jax forgetting to record in Episode 5, and his jokes in Episode 7 were legitimately funny. The problem is... they never stopped. It’s perfectly fine to use a running gag, and Hell RvB HAS used pop culture humor multiple times. It’s a show based on Halo after all. But Nicolosi used in in every episode and it stopped being funny. Jax became annoying and while he was helpful in getting footage of Temple’s plans and distracting Lorenzo, he got grating because he wouldn’t shut up. And if you are like me and don’t understand all the references, it’s going to feel like Joe is cramming them down your throat. Fortunately, hes said that he’s going to hold back some in the upcoming season, which is good. He listened, and that's important. I don’t mind this kind of humor at all, just... space it out a little and don’t wear it out. Otherwise, ti just becomes annoying and unbearable and for a show like RvB, that’s something you just can’t afford to do.

2, The Blues and Reds

The idea of using evil versions of characters is always a fun plot. Its a good way to show how the heroic character has grown or even trigger them into growing. For example, in Danny Phantom he’s faced with an evil future version of himself and it is horrifying. It leads to Danny not only maturing a little to not make the mistakes, but he’a chance to fix the damage and does so. It’s a great example of a hero being faced with the worst of himself and choosing to become something better. This idea for RvB was a legit good idea and leads to a lot of possibilities. So the problem? There’s a few...

First, the copies are just exaggerations of the Reds and Blues. They don’t feel like characters aside form Temple, Loco, and Biff and I’ll explain why in a bit. The others feel incredibly shallow. I mean Hell, Simmons’ copy is voiced by Gus still even though everyone else got a different voice actor. I mean it leads to the amazing moment in Episode 20.. but at the same time he still feels less like a character and more like a plot device. The Blues and Reds, aside form the ones I listed, just feel like they’re there because the plot demanded that everyone have some kind of copy. It’same issue I felt Miles had with The CHorus Trilogy, he added a lot of characters but couldn’t do a lot with the majority of them due to time. 

In relation to this... why are they committing to this plan? I know what you’re, “Well Biff was horribly killed and they realized they were pawns”. No. That is Temple’s motivation. He is angry that his best friend was murdered in cold blood and that it was ultimately for no reason. Loco’s motivation is to be Temple’s best friend, but unlike everyone else he has regrets about it and uses his final moments to make it up to Caboose. It gives him a character even if he is more or less a Caboose copy, but it’s something. Biff is dead, but they did take the time to explain why he ended up int he military, why he wanted out, and he was an overall nice guy who isn’t like Grif aside form wanting out of the military, wears orange, and the Sarge copy hating him. Similar want, completely different motivation and character.

Why do Surge, Gene, Lorenzo, Cronut, and Bucky want revenge? Why are they committing to Temple’s insane plan? Why si no one questioning this Did they before? How did Temple convince the Reds into it? Maybe if we saw their reactions when they found the Freelancer Base and the truth, liek we did with our guys, that would be answered. But we don’t know. We don’t knwo why any of them would go along with this, or at least not ask if this is the right thing to do. We know that Temple cared about Biff, but what about Biff’s actual team? Likely he and Gene weren't as close as Grif and Simmons are, but did they have a friendship at all? We saw briefly that Surge may feel bad about Biff’s death, but he doesn't express it and it’s more based on his need to obey orders than anything. We don’t know Biff’s relationship with his team, so you question why they’re going along with it and... do you see what I’m getting at?

The Blues and Reds feel shallow and one-note. A lot of people don’t like Temple because he’s an asshole...a nd he is. But at least they fleshed out his motivation and character so even though you hate him, at least you see why he’s doing what he’s doing. Loco overall i also fine since he differed and did have a conscious. The others though Wasted. They just to because this plot demanded it and nothing is done to make them distinctive. We just want to see them die... okay maybe that was the intent, but still it made them weak villains and I’m not going to be missing them. But hey, we got the moment in Episode 20 due to it so... it’s not all bad.

1. It Was One Season

This is by far the biggest issue with the season. The were a lot of ideas for this season, and you can tell. It was a legit good idea and could have carried two seasons worth of stories... but for some reason they decided to make it a standalone. IDK if it was Joe who decided this or Burnie and Matt did, but it meant that things had to be rushed. You now what I said above? About the villains falling flat? If they had more time, chances are they could have fixed that. But because it was condensed into one season of 21 episodes, they couldn’t.

Now if it had been two seasons, they could have worked on some more things. Like what I said above about the villains and maybe extending the flashback so we could see them discovering the truth. We could have had some mroe solid characterization and understood what was motivating everyone into such drastic actions. Outside that, we could have seen how Red Team was dealing with Grif quitting more and explored things like Donut feeling left out or watching Sarge’s descent into siding with the Blues and Reds. Heck, we could have had Simmons maybe play up siding with the Blues and Reds for an episode, then actually trigger an escape plan that fails, but it would show us that he's what his kissassing ways. Especially if they emphasize on how much worst Gene is at lot and have it be like old Simmons is talking to current Simmons, provoking him further into becoming more independent. That would also justify Gus (who did a great job in the season BTW) being the voice actor for both which let sit feel less like it’s for just a joke and make it even more impactful since it’s current Simmons talking to himself essentially. Which would make the moment in Episode 20 even mroe satisfying. It took me about five minutes to come up with this and in a larger story could have been an effective and if played right funny character arc... but in a one season story, it would have taken up too much time so it wouldn’t be able to be included. But do you see how Simmons would get character development base don both his feelings about losing Grif and for his own benefit? And how it would make Gene a much stronger evil reflection, becoming something for Simmons to overcome and be better than by the end?

I’m saying is’the standalone format caused things to be rushed and ideas to be wasted. As I said, there as enough for two seasons worth. The first season could have the content of... the first fourteen episodes. If you do it as a typical 19 or 20 episode season, you get 5-6 more episodes to play with more ideas. Int he second half, we can start with showing Grif again and bringing Locus back in. Maybe have them go on a little roadtrip where they gather more people like Sister or something, letting her be a regular again and not in just two episodes. You have more room to experiment like show how far Locus has come, have Grif Sibs humor, let Sister have more character and show that she can be clever and resourceful, show more of how Grif’s isolation really affected him and how he needs the others. You can still make all of that both funny and emotional like have Grif and Sister talking about their various shenanigains and Grif is at first complaining about all the shit he goes through. Then he slowly starts talking more slowly about the dumb things and how he hates everyone.. but he also misses them all, feels horrible for walking out like he did, and show how negatively he thinks about himself. Sister, in her own way, makes him feel better. You get comedy, character development, and fun interactions that way. See where I’m going?

There great ideas and opportunities with this season. Hell, the possibility of meeting more Freelancers is pretty cool. But because we only had one season, they had to finish the plot in limited time. They couldn’t explore the opportunity gift-wrapped for them. Int he end they still made a good product, but you still are left feeling like there was so much more that could have been done. Like if I were paid to rewrite Season 15 and was able to make it a two parter, I already have a general idea of what I would do. It is doable.  But if I had only one season... yeah, I’d have to cutback a LOT of it. Like I said, IDK whose idea it was, but it was in hindsight one that hurt the season. Because of this, ti is the worst thing about Season 15.

And there you have it! 'l best another day, typing this took me an hour. And regardless, I really enjoyed the season. It could have bee so much more, but I will gladly take what I got. Joe’s already stated on how he’s read the critiques and will try to improve, and that is important for any content creator. So I wish him the best of luck,a nd now I can feel better now that this is out of my system.

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 1 - “Holding Reward At Gunpoint” Jonathan (Part 1)

http://68.media.tumblr.com/46c9df6f59ea9546f5bce886bded1108/tumblr_of3pd5e6Md1vzwwmeo2_250.gif

see. the thing is. I thought the prospect of having 26 people was going to make it a lit season with mess galore but this is too much. i dont know who these people are and im too lazy to go read all their bios so can we fast forward to merge when everyone h8s me and im begging for people to take me back so that I don't have to pretend to care about the early boots? ok tho I got really lucky my first 2 times playing to not be eliminated pre-merge or at double digits so im 99.9% sure my luck is going to run out this time..... just as long as I beat Jaiden, I'm good.

*ring ring* What is this telephone doing in the DR? Hello? OH hey Bodhi, no Matt's actually not here but I was just leaving a message for him, is there anything you'd like to say? http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9lmmjz1D01r5govf.gif HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Hi fakes! Sucks you can't join me.....if only you hadn't turned poor lil Crow into a raging bitter bitch in Great Lakes with that goddamn rock!

I'll do a cast assessment later but lemme just say that I am completely shook that Andrew and Pippa and Isaac are here??? God they're so ugly but it makes me so happy that my fellow premerge flops are here to kick some ass. 

First off.... You people must really hate me don't you? Gosh jeez Connor I thought we were friends! I feel I need to take a bit of a moment to chuckle because, and again, I don't know these people that well, but I know for damn sure I'm one of the biggest villains in this cast, and I couldn't be MORE excited I am so "nice" that I'm placed on the heroes tribe. Tbh most of what i say in my confessional is just so people can laugh at what I said after the season is over, but I HATE talking to people, especially fucking TWENTY FIVE of them, and not only that, but can we take a look at the elephant in the room. The only people who know how I REALLY play and how I REALLY run my confessionals and gameplay are Steffen, Andrew, Pippa and Isaac because they hosted me. WHY IN THE GODAMN SAINT NICK'S ASSHOLE DID YOU PUT ALL FOUR OF THEM ON MY TRIBE LIKE OH MY GOD I THINK I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF OF A CLIFF BRB. In all honesty, I love all four of them. They're like my tumblr parents, but I need to find a way to get them all to individually want me than all of the others, and I hate having to plea my case to any of them as to why I should be trustworthy, because that's not how games work, but the fighting argument for me to be on this tribe is that i'm extremely loyal, and I'm thrilled that I get to play my loyal card and not have to be on the villain tribe, where people feel the need to play like villains. I think I'm going to be more of a villain than a hero this season, but I'll have to make it deep enough for those colors to truly show, and I'm hoping I can make it deep enough. I am right now going to look to make relationships with Kendall, Trace and Drew, in hopes that I can use those bonds early in the game, and maybe make a really tight deal with Kendall and Trace because they both seem like great people, leaving my soloman family as an afterthought for now, considering there's a good chance they'll get targeted. My plan for now: Seem like a starry eyed kid heading into the big times and see how it works out. :)

WELL... After watching all the videos, I first have to say WTF is Jonathan doing... I can't tell if he's being serious or not. Sorry not sorry. Linus' video made me choke and then I see we've got two shitty Great Lakes people in this game, one from my tribe and one from theirs. I can honestly hope that someone just doesn't get around as much as I do, and this way they'll be a target first and not me. I am REALLY liking Trace already because he's a frat boy just like me, and never in a million years did I think that I'd find another frat boy in this community, but here he is, so I hope that him and I can do some damage this season in a very non obvious way. I think the other person I really need to connect with is Andrew because I think he's a really smart player, and I really want to work with him (and Steffen) and especially push away Isaac and Pippa because they seem like weak links on the chain, and I know all of them being here is not going to be good for my game because they're just going to target Steffen or Andrew, so hopefully I can keep those two here. As for the Villains tribe, Tommy has been talking to me all night, and I legitimately feel closer to him than anyone else from my tribe. Same with Linus, who played in Soloman, but we never ever connected, so this is good that he's here, so I can hope to branch a bond with him. I'm also talking to Jaiden, who I have past game experience with, and then Crow and I have known each other for years, so if it comes to that, hopefully we can be secret enough to make moves with each other. Those four villains are ins that I'm going to try to have for awhile in the game, and if it ends up working out, it can put me in a really good position. My night one seems to be over as I'm fucking EXHAUSTED and need to go to bed. My plan for tomorrow is solidify something more with Kendall, and maybe even get a "ride or die" type offer out there since I think she's a really good player, and I know she knows I'm good too, and I think we're both loyal, which is great. I want to take a work on Mist and Alex C tomorrow, in hopes that outside the night one craziness, they can focus on building a bond with me. I need to take a backseat strategically, but a social frontrunner because if I'm being included in things, and minimally strategically contributing, it will take me a far way, and that's what I'm hoping for at this point. With 26 people, it's going to be hard to not write a million confessionals, but let the good times roll and we'll see what comes out of this game. :)

Time for my cast assessment. As I'm doing this, I'm re-watching the cast videos. A lot of this will be based off of first impressions because there are some people I’ve never met before, and others I’ve only briefly talked to in group chats or games I got out early in… Lol. We'll start with the Heroes. HEROES: Alex: Eyeroll. Alex is honestly way too hyped. He is so arrogant and the few games I’ve played with him, he just came off so smug and full of himself that it made me actually want to punch him in the face. Sorry Alex, India was not a fun game for either of us and you made it miserable! He probably hates me because I broke his 80-odd day streak of never receiving a vote for or against him in Tumblr Survivor, or maybe because I knew about ***** being a catfish half the season. Anyways, I hope one of us gets out early or we never swap onto the same tribe. Alex is super close with Kendall and I know Kendall is close with Sarah, so those three are gonna work together well simply because they did it in India. Andrew: My Uncharted baby!!! I love Andrew. We played together in UI with Pippa and later Storybook All Stars so I’m SO happy for him getting cast for the season he’s wanted to play for so long. I don’t think Andrew and I can work together because both of us had difficulty working together in Panem, so… We’ll see. Love him tho. Ashton: I LOVE ASHTON. He’s so adorable, he literally doesn’t even know that this is Heroes vs Villains 3. I’m rooting for him simply because he was a first boot and he came off really kind-hearted in his introduction video. Someone needs to protect this kid, because he CANNOT get premerge again – it would be a travesty. I’ll talk to him at some point tomorrow I guess. Dom: I’ve heard of Dom a couple times before, didn’t know much about him though. I think it’s pretty cool that he’s married to someone who was in the community in the past, he seems like a nice person. I see why he is on the heroes tribe. I want to get to know him a little bit better. Drew: Drew…. Ugh. Another person I didn’t wanna see this season. I don’t know what it is about Drew, but this guy is like a virus. I don’t enjoy playing games with him because he infects everybody else with this ugly ass disease and then he wipes everybody out. Like I’ll give him credit where credit is due, he’s a great player, but at some point in your life I think it’s time to know that you’re not going to do much better than what you’ve done. He can only win so many times and I hope this isn’t the main season he wins against me. Isaac: I like Isaac. I think his self-deprecating humor is very fun and he comes off as very honest about himself. However, I don’t think Isaac likes me. He’s very close with people like Pippa and Andrew and that’s going to be dangerous for my game because there isn’t a lot I can do to convince Isaac that I’m going to be on his side this season. With that being said, I won’t actively pursue a working relationship with Isaac, but I want to rebuild our relationship because I could need him down the road and I want to prove to him especially that I have changed. Johnny: GINGER KING. He’s cool. I aligned with him in his very first Tumblr game and we got along well but I was constantly trying to backstab his ass and ended up quitting that game fhdaskhjk. He deserved it tho because he was super fucking messy. I don’t know how he’s going to play this season and I’m kinda surprised that he’s on the heroes tribe??? I hope I can work with him this season because I like him a lot. Kendall: I can appreciate Kendall. My issue with her is that she is so hard to work with because she only trusts the people she’s been with the longest. So I know her loyalty will always lie with her heroes and Alex and Sarah. Kendall has got to go sooner rather than later and I won’t have an issue getting her out if a swap happens. Sorry, Kendall. Mist: LOVE Mist. I was rooting for them (idk their pronouns btw) in Maldives and then they got removed so it’s messy. I’m actually kinda surprised that Mist is on the heroes but I guess it’s more of a creative decision to have them there. I don’t know where we stand so I’ll try to talk to Mist more tomorrow. Pippa: AHHHH another Uncharted queen! Pippa is so messy and I love it. She’s definite fodder for the premerge so hopefully she lasts just long enough for us to end up together and I can take her out. :’) She hates me and that’s okay because I think I hate her too? Whatevs. Nothing special about Pippa, she’s just typical avocado-hating fashionist Pippa. Ruthie: A lot of people love Ruthie and she does extremely well in Big Brother games, but I don’t think that her popularity there is gonna translate well over to this season. I will keep an eye out for her because I know she’s got a spectacular social game and could easily go far this season. Her placement on the Heroes tribe is no surprise in the slightest. Steffen: I don’t like Steffen. Trace: Total wildcard. Never heard of Trace before and his video was the blandest of the Heroes, unfortunately. He was the first revealed in the cast reveal too so that was kinda cool, I guess. VILLAINS: Alex: He’s cool. I talked to him quite a bit today but he hasn’t messaged me back. I want to get to know him better. I’ve been talking about previous games to let him know the kind of person I am in hopes that he trusts me or wants to work with me, I suppose. Ashley: We have history from India and we didn’t get along around the time I went home. We never spoke much following that and I never thought we’d play together again, but here we are. I think she’s on this tribe because she flipped on the majority in India and it cost her the game at final four. She got what she deserved, tbh! Sorry to say. She is a nice girl, I’m willing to bury the hatchet, but who knows if the bridge between us has been burnt beyond repair. I don’t know if she will trust me or not. Brian: He’s cool, I guess. I haven’t talked to him and supposedly he’s fake as fuck. We’ll see what happens with him. Crow: Love Crow. Like secretly Crow could be my showmance. I just get him more than I get other people in this community. I want to work with Crow so bad, and I think he’s got a better game than he lets on at times. I hope that he can help me mend fences with key players like Sarah and through him, I can develop stronger bonds with people from Cutthroat, too. Jonathan: I barely know him LOL. He reminds me of Justin Timberlake. Junior: Junior can literally go fuck himself, but if you think I’m going to hold that animosity towards him this season… you’re absolutely correct. Junior is going to come after me because he’s a dumb cunt and I truly want nothing more than to send his ass out first tribal council we go to. Realistically, that’s not going to happen because he’s got so many fucking friends here, but as soon as the opportunity presents itself, I will go full chaos Jaiden and throw his dirty ass into the ocean. If you’re reading this and you got me before I got you, Junior, good on you. I don’t forgive and I don’t forget. Kage: Kage is a MESS and a half. I like it. No clue where we stand because I attacked him once and he like, briefly left the community but it is what it is. We’ll see. Linus: LINUS! Not surprised to see him here, but he’s not someone I would’ve predicted to be on the cast either. I’ve talked to him a lot today and he is also pretty cool, and I went overboard telling him tons of things about myself so he knows exactly what he’s getting into with me. I actually want to work with Linus because he seems scrappy, yet loyal as hell and I definitely need bigger threats surrounding me at all times like him. Who knows who this guy’s friends with, though. Patrick: No offense but who is he LOL Richie: Yikes, again who is he? I don’t know anything about him except that he won a season. Sarah: I said this pre-season, I’ll say it again now. Sarah is a very dirty player. I absolutely expect her to lowkey screenshot my conversations, use her magic to record my calls or something, and use everything against me. It is no secret that she’s done these tactics in the past and she is definitely the queen of making pre-game alliances, too. However, this season I want to approach Sarah with as much respect as possible. While using her strategies to get far in games is not admirable, I will admit that it works well for her and I don’t need to be on her bad side already. I’ll let Sarah use me the first couple of rounds so she can trust me, who knows. I just don’t want to turn on her too soon this season. Tommy: In Cutthroat, I basically said that I hated Tommy despite not knowing him, and I have to say that he’s the one person who completely had my feelings about them change during that season. He impressed the hell out of me with just how nice he was? We talked on call for HOURS in Cutthroat and I really appreciate that because he kept the conversation going, too. He’s really cool and I definitely want to work with him this season, possibly with the other Cutthroat players or something. Tommy is a top favorite of mine right now. So there you have it. My cast assessment. We’ll see how this changes as time goes on, hopefully I have a good read on these people.

https://youtu.be/sJNDguNKVpc

Umm, not much has happened so far. Tommy and Ashley seem nice. I had an instant connection with Alex, Sarah, and Crow just from past games and yeah that's about it. The start of Survivor is kinda like a first date. If you don't make a good first impression, you likely won't make the merge (if ya know what I mean). With that said, I think my intro video was ok. I got a few people say it was funny. I fucking hate Jaiden so much. Jaiden can go rot in fucking flaming hell for all i care. You might ask why I hate Jaiden. It's because he doesn't seem like someone who deserves to be alive. Wow, that got dark

Currently the only thing I'm mad about other than Jaiden is the fact I'm not on ashtons tribe. I so badly want to Francesca him

How many puppies do I need to kill in order to get through you people's head that I am EVIL????????????????

6 the answer is 6.

I can't believe I haven't made one of these yet!  Life is CRAZY for me right now so I've been super MIA and I just hope that I don't get targeted for it whenever we go to tribal or whatever. I'm glad that we get a reward challenge and that the weekend is coming up so WHEW.  I'm sure then I'll have time to talk to more people and make more connections.  I have to like... not flop at this reward so that my tribe thinks they need me. :o) 

This weird squishy cat is my best friend now

So I'm on day two and feeling a little wary because I really haven't been able to speak to the people I've wanted to speak to, and most importantly I haven't been able to build any GAME relationships, except with Trace, but that was last night. I talked to Ashton a bit, and I'm thinking about bringing him on as a potential ride or die goat, and not necessarily a first boot material person, which a good move for me I believe. I started talking to Ruthie, as well as Steffen, who I knew already, but I really want to have one of the strongest connections with him because I think he's a REALLY strong player, so hopefully that can go in my favor. I've also been talking to Tommy literally nonstop, and he's actually a really cool dude, except I'm being a little wary, but I'm hoping he's got a man crush on me and he'll want to help me out a little bit down the line. I still don't understand the idol system, and I'm going to need someone to explain it to me because I legitimately don't get it. I think it's like a normal search, but instead, someone just says where they want to seearch to the hosts, and then the hosts exploit that location, so I think i'll go for it sometime tomorrow since it's once a round and I'm keen to wait for the reward before I go deep digging into an idol search, especially because I might get that clue, and if I do, I can really use it to my advantage. Such a shame I haven't been able to talk to Kendall today, because her and Steffen, along with Trace, are the people I'm most keen to work with, along with Ashton, so we'll see how this goes for now, but farewell for the night. i'm gonna go drop some cats into some boxes! As for now, it's time to do what I do best and beast out this reward challenge

Sushi Cat is the tru MVP. Anyways, I'm back to being cracked. I keep searching on the blog pages for idols because somehow I think the idol is gonna be hidden on there. Of course, I'm wrong, but there are just so many things that COULD be the idol hidden somewhere... I just don't know. I want an idol for some reason this season??? Probably to avoid going home idk. 

Anyways,,, Look What You Made Me Do is the OG villain song and it applies well to me and my Tumblr Survivor experience I don't like your little games Don't like your tilted stage The role you made me play Of the fool, no, I don't like you I don't like your perfect crime How you laugh when you lie You said the gun was mine Isn't cool, no, I don't like you (oh!) But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I've got a list of names and yours is in red underlined I check it once, then I check it twice, oh! Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me do Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me do I don't like your kingdom keys They once belonged to me You ask me for a place to sleep Locked me out and threw a feast (what?) The world goes on, another day, another drama, drama But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma And then the world moves on, but one thing's for sure Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I've got a list of names and yours is in red underlined I check it once, then I check it twice Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me do Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me do I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me I'll be the actor, starring in your bad dreams I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me I'll be the actor, starring in your bad dreams I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me I'll be the actor, starring in your bad dreams I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me I'll be the actor, starring in your bad dreams (Look what you made me do) (Look what you made me do) "I'm sorry, the old Jaiden can't come to the phone right now." "Why?" "Oh 'cause he's dead!" Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me do Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me do

Aight My Day 3 assessment of everyone in this cast: HEROES Mist: I didn't talk to him too much. But he seems pretty cool so far. Nice guy. Idk why but i like his pfp which makes me like him more. Alex C: I would go gay for Alex. He's great. Also he likes calling and calling is fun so there's another plus. I probably like him because he's the most like people I hang out with outside the game. Andrew: Another person I really like and definitely wanna work with. On call Andrew, Alex, (An)Drew and I jokingly formed an "A"lliance which honestly un gonna try and make real since those 3 are all great. Dom: I haven't talked to him yet but fuck he's good at sushi cat. Drew: Drew is one of the people the few people that I know from past games. He's just as nice as ever this time. Hopefully I can work with him. Isaac: Hmmm Isaac is the one of the people that I had a tough time having a conversation with. I'll try to talk to him more but I feel like he's just gonna be someone i don't click with. Johnny: I fucking love Johnny. Hes nice and easy to talk to and he says he's really good at challenges. So i'd love to work with him. Kendall: Her intro video was top notch and overall I think she's a top notch gal. Another one of my faves so far. Pippa: Pippa was the first person to message me after I got out of GL and tell me about everything in this community so she always has a special place in my heart. I haven't talked to her much this time, but I hope we can work together. Ruthie: Haven't talked to her yet either. She snapchatted me tho and I forgot to reply so I kinda feel like she. Steffen: Steffen hosted me before so I'll be wary that he kind of knows how I play. I haven't talked too much with him yet either. Trace: Super nice guy. That's all i can describe him as he's just a cool guy. One of my top picks for someone to work with long term. VILLAINS Other Alex: Idk him Brian: I've played with Brian before and he fucked me over hard so i'm obviously wary of him. I think he's the type of player that will flip on anyone so if i do work with him trust will be short. Kage: Im 90% sure the only reason I was cast was to counteract Kage but Tbh I think I'll probably work with Kage. The Great Lakers are all pretty close so I'd love to work with all of them. Crow: Another Great Lakean but I hardly know him so i'm not sure. Jaiden: Jaiden doesn't have a picture and it annoys me immensely. That is all. Jonathon: Idk him Junior: I liked his intro video but other than that I don't have much to say about him. Linus: Idk Pat: Idk him Richie: The love of my life. Please swap us together. Sarah: She's like Half Great Lakean. I've talked to her quite a bit over the first two days so I think she's someone i'll probably work with. Tommy: Had a fun convo with him so good first impression. Was disappointed when I saw he was a villain. Ashley: Idk her Overall my gameplan this season is to just connect with everyone in these first stages without talking too much strategy. Nobody is gonna target me first cuz they'll feel bad sending me out again and I'm honestly just a very very small target. So I have plenty of time to form bonds and let other people battle it out. CrowI'm such a legend when it comes to starting convos, replying once or twice, and then completely forget about them. Truly, honestly, I'm a social game god. I bet everyone either a) ignores my existence b) loves me in a way that like "haha you would be so fun to talk to but you still need to go....like now" c) doesn't know who I am People have said I'm charming but idk.....I don't see it? I'm awkward and socially inept? like, I'm no threat to anyone socially......so they should take me far....ya know....if they want? =) but anyways..... Obviously I know Kage - he was in my first season where he tried to pull a fast one on me and got himself eliminated and then Sarah, who was the hosting intern late into the season who cheered for me......and then Tommy and Jaiden from Cutthroat. I made a bold move to try and save Tommy and stuck by Jaiden even in his chaotic downfall, so if either of those hoes comes after me, they're fake and rude. Right now though I'm just being social with everyone and NOT talking game with people.....cuz with 13 people on a tribe, trying to form alliances will do much more bad than good, but hey, not to say I'd decline invites into alliances...:D

tbh I feel I’m not socializing as much as I should be, or people just aren’t talking that much, either or, I am just going to chill for now and hope I’m included in whatever I need to be included in for tribal council. I'm definitely just going to pray that I can get into something, and it's the real reason I REALLY need to talk to Kendall, because I know she's going to be the hitch to make something happen, and I want to be a part of that! I hope there aren't alliances made already, but if there are then fuck. It's not my fault I don't know these people as well as I should. Maybe I'll take initiative with a small group and see where it gets me... Perhaps Kendall, Trace, Ashton and Drew? Only time will tell. Maybe I'll take this time to take more notes on people's past gameplay like I've been doing for the past three days :)

jk Drew voted Kendall out of Malaysia. Abort mission. Abort Mission

My first confessional.  Yay.  Much excitement. So I'mma be quite blunt.  I hate hate talking to these people.  I'm not some social butterfly myself, but loorrdddyyy... I know a few of these people from before, and I do not like most of the people I already knew.  We just do not mesh in games.  So now, here, in my 3rd chance at the Sole Survivor title, I have to let these people control my fate?  Nu uh.  Ain't happenin'.  I have to do what I couldn't the first two times and W I N. I'll do a cast assessment later !! xoxo brain

Okay so this game is going pretty well so far. So far I heckin love Alex (the one on my tribe), we act like we have known each other for much longer than 2 days and I could see myself working really well with him. Kage is also pretty cool, and happened to tell me where not to look for the idol? Even though I never asked them to? Idk if that is a sign of trust or not, but if it is that's awesome and I love it. 13 people on a tribe is pretty hectic, but hopefully with this many people it will be easy to blend into the background for a bit before I start having to make tough calls. Also we won the first reward! And I must say, I have never relate more to a game than I did with Sushi Cat... anyways. We got a firemaking kit, not sure what it contains but we shall see. I usually have nothing to do with the flag making challenges so hopefully someone will just take charge and make a flag, then if we lose maybe they can be blamed? who knows. hopefully it goes okay though. 

I'm glad that someone else can take charge with this whole flag making thing because honestly?  While I'm kind of artsy by hand if I fail I don't want all the blame placed on me and whoever showed off how well they can make flags IS really good at it, the heroes are totally going to win! Also it sucks that we lost the reward challenge but at least people see that I'm a team player since I had one of the higher scores. I wish we did better though, it's frustrating! 

So we lost reward.... No thanks to Kendall for being excused, and Mist for getting a strike. Between Mist getting a strike, Kendall taking an excused, Dom being particularly non communicative because he's on vacation, Ashton sucking at TS and Alex ballsing up to do the immunity challenge for us, it's safe to say there are a good amount of names to throw up there for potentially being voted out first that isn't mine. However, I'm REALLY digging the flag that Alex is working on, and regardless if we win or lose, I hope he gets accolades for doing this because he did an amazing job and it looks really good! I hope tonight is the night that communication starts to flow and I can start making some deals if we lose immunity, especially the one with Kendall that I'm still fishing for. I have a good feeling that Ashton and Trace trust me, but unfortunately that's it for now, and I really just need to solidify something in the form of a vote to show that I can be an asset to people's games because I'm struggling to get my footing in this season compared to where I was in Soloman, so we'll see. I think Pippa and Isaac are more keen to work with me than Andrew and Steffen are, which is too bad because I want to get something with Steffen going early on, and we'll see where that takes me.

New Plan: I'm tired of waiting for Kendall. Steffen, you're up!

I'M BACK YA SHITS! Okay yeah I know it's only been 5 seasons because Hosts but point being, HvV 3 is something I had been dying to get into since I entered this community. Would I be a hero or a villain? Well, hero I guess. But listen - I don't intend on keeping this hero game up. In fact I think I have a better chance as a hero seeing as people might expect more "morally correct" or whatever the fuck you wanna call it shit outta me. So that means I can show the villainous side™ when they don't expect it. Because honestly? I think my app and mixed hero/villain reputation in general leaves me to be flexible with whichever direction I wanna go. So these assholes better get ready hehe Anyway this is day after reward was due (which we lost by a small margin but whatever) so I have a lot to discuss. Initial thoughts on the heroes? Fuck I wanna die. First of all, Connor and co. didn't realize until I pointed it out that they not only cast the entirety of the Solomon hosting team in Isaac, Pippa, Steffen, and I - he also put all of us on the same tribe. Which... Steffen hero? Unlikely content. Isaac and Pippa heroes? Yeah. Me? I still dunno. I mean this could be both good and bad because on the one hand I have numbers but on the other hand I could be fucked in the ass for having all these people I know. Not to mention Drew and Kendall are here and I'm also very close friends with those 2. Although, Isaac could be the one that's slightly more fucked connection-wise just because he not only has the Solomon hosting team but there's also a big fucking Malaysia bloc consisting of himself, Kendall, Drew, and Alex Crooks. Which I guess Crooks said he'll try to keep the MaGAYsians safe but whom'st've knows? Speaking of Crooks... Him and Pippa are gon' fuck. Like. I'm just saying. They vomited about theater on group call for 20 minutes and I'm pretty sure he's one of like the 5 (five) or so guys who actually likes Tits And Vajengas around here so I mean there's a chance... that could happen... I mean he's cool if we're on the subject of him now. He's definitely a more outspoken player and could be a threat? But also myself, him, Drew, and Ashton were on a group call the other night and all got along really well. Speaking of Ashton he's pretty chill actually? And seems down to Earth enough. I mean I still dunno if that Trump pic was a joke or not because he used the word meme but eh. If he's my number he's my number idgaf. I've talked to Trace, Mist, and Ruthie a bit too and I still need to talk to Dom. Which I should probably do today because gotta keep that social game up. And then there's Johnny who seems super excited to play with his hosts and I love him BUT! I know he can be insane. And I wouldn't put it past him to be like "lmao imagine if I vote out my hosts hehe." Not on my watch dot gif! In terms of villains... Holy shit. First of all, y'all cast Brian. Who hates me. I just don't play well with the guy like. He makes everything about him and has this self-righteous attitude but is also a snake so none of that clicks or makes sense and it's just like okay you dunno what you're doing huh. He doesn't like me from the Pacific Islands series after I've killed him twice, so there's that. Him and Isaac have bad blood too from that series so I can tell Brian is going to strictly be an enemy if I ever end up on a tribe with him. Same with Jaiden maybe? Idk the fact that Jaiden's here has me screaming because we just never end up working together. He's one of the biggest wild cards to play with in this community and we may be close friends but I'll vote him out in a heartbeat. And that honestly goes for any of these people. I've also talked to Sarah because she initiated convo with me and she seems fine but I know she's a messy player. I do need to work on connections though with some of the villains. I can probably try other Alex, Ashley, and Linus. Just because I have some prior slight experiences with them. I wanna definitely try getting to know Richie, Jonathan, and Pat just because I have never talked to them before. And like I said, connections with the villains could be very good. In Generations I didn't utilize the One World at all, so people wanted me out just for really not having that strategic connection to them. I don't wanna make that mistake this time. Anyway I guess last little tidbit of info uuuuuuuuh... I got a MOTHER FOOKIN IDOL YA'LL FUCK! I literally DRTYTFUYGIUHOIJPO god I was the first to search for the heroes and I dunno if the villains searched either but first fucking spot I find the hero's idol. Even Connor was shook LIKE YGIUHOIJPI I CANNOT BELIEVE!!! So now I have this and Isaac knows because like I gotta keep him close for now. And not only do I have this idol - but it can combine with the villain idol PROBABLY for a super idol. So we'll see where that goes. And oh yeah Steffen has an extra vote according to Isaac but it reveals who you vote for or something. Snake ass. Anyway wish me luck ya fakes :~)

So the move for me was to stop waiting and start acting! I couldn't do it too much, but I had to make a minor jump in the right direction since so many people were leaving me hanging. I really wanted to work with Steffen when I found out he was on my tribe, so I went to him with a ride or die deal. I am loyal to a fault, and there is no chance I'm going to turn on him with the deal I just made. He's going to be my Jacob, except, no offense to Jacob, but I have more confidence in Steffen to lead me into the right direction, opposed to Jacob, who was kinda loosely tagging behind me last season. Let's play ball, and if we lose this immunity, hopefully it's Steffen and I making power moves and not someone making a move on us, especially with the amount of people who've stood out early on as potential targets.

So I've tried being my weird self to as many as people as frequently as possible and in the process I made an alliance with Alex. Not necessarily because he's the one I love the most, but because he seems like he'll be one of the stronger influences in our tribe and in these early votes, I would like to just go with the flow.... Beyond that, I'm just trying to not flop at all this small talk crap by insulting everyone and hoping they take it as a joke because that's how I communicate... Tommy and I seem to be working together but we haven't said anything yet and there might be low-key tension between Jaiden and I, I can't tell.... I confided a bit in Alex so if I hear it come back around, I'll know he isn't to be trusted (I mean, nobody is to be trusted fully, we're the villains but I need faithful allies in these early days) Right now I'm playing myself down and trying to evaluate how these players are going to play based on their personalities because as of now, I do not feel safe whatsoever. I felt safer on my tribe of 4 in Cutthroat Island than this tribe of 13. here's to hoping that Crow doesn't get 26th *cheers*

 https://youtu.be/PLpY4ZXJQD4 I absolutley adore crow, alex, kendall, the other alex, drew linus and junior...god i love everyone..am i really on the villains tribe wtf djdbkdbd

[evalocity]

Kind of game that isn’t one but anyway

I basically dared my bae Ria to answer a whole ask game so she dared me to do the same and that’s why this post was made x)) @itsmhayward ily xxx

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

On April 20th exactly. 

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

I want to know if my dreams (like of career and life) will become reality.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Becoming an actual good person. Believe me you don’t want to meet 13-14 years old me .-.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Tonight as I was working for my parents’s company with this suuuper nice guy which is the soulmate™

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

Yup. I would drop cegep (oh gosh yes), I would try to meet my tumblr friends at least once, and I’m so doing a road trip in South Korea. I would also spend each days trying to make peace with myself and will message all of my closest tumblr mutuals and irl friends to let them know how much I love them.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Go to South Korea. Go to South Korea. Go to South Korea (Yes, I’m obsessed.)

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

He’s a christian martyr. He’s awesome. He’s been there for me all my life. His quotes are savage and soo true. He must be freaking done with my shit by now but I’m pretty sure he still loves me. I scare people when I say I love him cause they think I’m a crazy extremist. But if only they knew my headcanons about him and God (he has a crush on Satan I’m 100% sure), they would understand that guy himself will send me to hell. 

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Until I was 8 years old yes ! My last happy times were my trip to Japan, then I was sexually assaulted and bullied and changed schools and became antisocial as I was homeschooled and shit went down. 

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

I cried in front of my parents when they confronted me on my career plans cause I was too stressed out (they were nice btw I’m just nervous 24/7)

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

Hot guy that worked with me this weekend. He loves astronomy, so do I, he’s bae, like let’s do this. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Yes I would, I mean it depends on the situation and stuff, but I can imagine opening up to a stranger, human to human.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

I’m pretty sure it was with like one of my irl friends, he told me he liked me and it got awkward so I went so sleep #woops

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

I would tell my mom that I lover her and my dad very much. 

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

Beautiful like any other color tbh

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“And know that I am with you always; yes, to the end of time.” - Jesus It basically means that I know the babe has to deal with my shit just as much as I do and it makes me feel less alone. 

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“Trashy, messy, life of a wifey” I’m Orion’s wifey so I guess it counts right ? I just needed a rhyme :( 

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Part charity, part for my parents so I know they’ll be okay when they are old, part me so I can do whatever I want, part bank so I can save some and I would pay a trip for my friends. 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I’m quite forgiving with my friends but there’s a line that if you cross it, you and I are done (mainly betrayal like idk why but people LOVE betraying me). I always give second chances but once that’s done I have no pity for you anymore and will not care. I like being this way tbh

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Dear Élo, 

You just started high school ! It’s such a new world after homeschool isn’t it ? Try being nice with everyone, do NOT carry that heavy schoolbag on your back okay you don’t want a scoliosis, don’t befriend Delphine like omg babe don’t, don’t be mean to that boy ? I know you think it’s only a game but tbh it so wasn’t. Try getting dance and singing lessons ! Don’t participate to that school play like it wasn’t bad but wow we could’ve done so much better with our time rip x) Over all you’ll have fun :) Just keep your beautiful smile and work hard xx

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Punk. Punk all the way. I tried to be pastel and it didn’t suit me that much.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

Both can be super hot (#hotguyatwork) but I’m only interested in having my ears pierced in a lot of places, not really anywhere.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Nope I don’t ! I don’t like lipstick cause I’m eating 24/7, I absolutely LOVE eyeshadow and eyeliner on eyes cause the eyes are what I find the prettiest on someone, and thats pretty much it.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

BTS with their AWESOME lyrics that are just so true I’m shook.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

We’re all equals. 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

I’ve never been to a concert rip

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

Hmm idk ? I’m a historian all of my idols are dead x)

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I do, but like it’s a horrible mess so I won’t talk about it xp

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Tumblr, writing, chocolate, milk, bath, sleep. Eeevery time.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I’d dye it in red and would have really straight hair. I’m “Punk” so yolo huh.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

I’m choosing @jasonblossomsghost​ @itsmhayward​ @sugasugahanihani​ @nottodaygot7​ and I just decided I didn’t give a damn and that we will be 6 cause no way I’m choosing between @chocochims​ and @yooongigi​ I love y’all a LOT and we will go on an excursion to BTS’s dorm which will be quite entertaining and fun :’)) yolo

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

1. Fulfill my Dream™ because hum that’s the Dream™ ?

2. Be able to communicate with God by tumblr texts because omg that would be LIT and I need God’s advice more often and more clearly than with signs

3. Date hot guy idk if he’s my soulmate™ but I need this relationship 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Yeah there’s definitely none. I wanna be Poison Ivy :3 

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Badtripping quite probably. I thought my brain had switched and that I was going to be crazy for the rest of my life while being unable to ask someone to kill me. I thought I would never see my mom again. I felt the information going through my nerves and I had 1000 thoughts/secs which gave me the worst headache. Never agaiiiiiiiin

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Selling my body. Yeah no thanks. 

storms: you only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

This is the worst question ever :( I’ll only listen to Silver Spoon by BTS I think :( But I’ll regret it. Wow rip I really hate this question.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

I literally fell in love tonight (jk, like 50% jk 50% idk but damn) anyway when I think about a future with this person I know I’m in love. 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Nah I dont think so. I did a year ago and now I’m team long hair for a while.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I don’t go to Starbucks that much so idk.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

My tumblr friends.

I’m daring the people I tagged in the excursion to do it ! If you don’t it’s fiine :3

[thesportssoundoff]

TUF Redemption: Can anybody actually get redeemed here?

Joey

Feb 27th

Let's be fair and not  mine words; the TUF Redemption season is just a show. Its goal, in so many words, is to just provide some content for Fox to fill out a bit more of the FS1 schedule and add give TUF one more go. It's no longer first viewing content but a schedule is a schedule. Even the pseudo journeyman aspect of it is a departure from chasing prospects and finding new names. Nobody from this show is going to turn into a star in all likelihood and chances are even less likely that the fighter who "wins" does anything but occupy a roster spot. But can they stick? Can ANY of these sixteen guys stick around? Let's play a little guessing game and from the sixteen fighters presented, try to find who is most likely to make a home in the UFC once this is all done. NOT win the show, I'm not arguing that, just which fighter could stick around beyond the requisite 2-3 fights.

14- Tom Gallicchio TUF 22 Opening round elimination vs Marcin Wrzosek 19-9 record no UFC record 0-1 record since TUF

Soooooo I am admittedly confused as to why Tom Gallicchio got the call here. Maybe there was a lack of TUF guys for the gig (I find that a bit tough to comprehend) but he's here nonetheless. I could think of about 5 lightweights/welters I would've preferred over him (James Jenkins, David Michaud, Igor Arujao Jon Manley) but whatevs. I'm not sure what Gallicchio memorable either. He's a little bit on the smaller side and I don't see anything remarkable about him.

13- Jesse Taylor TUF 7 Finalist* 30-15 record 0-1 UFC record 24-13 since TUF

*Got removed from the spot because he's an asshat.

Jesse Taylor has a style that could totally lend itself to him winning this entire show. A bigger bodied guy who is almost certainly a middleweight (are they even fighting at a weight class here) is now being given the opportunity to fight dudes who fought as low as 145 lbs. That and if the TUF format speaks to the path of least resistance being the guy who wins then the grapple happy Taylor's got a chance. Reality though suggests that Taylor is done as even a mid level guy. Since the start of 2015, Taylor has racked up a 3-4 record and has been finished in all of those fights. He's been mostly getting thrashed by guys in Russian organizations after getting the axe from WSOF after making their MW title finale. Taylor, if he won, would probably fizzle out pretty quickly.

12- Hector Urbina TUF 19 First round elimination 17-10 MMA record 1-2 UFC record 1-2 since TUF

I like Urbina a lot. It wouldn't be wrong to suggest that Hector Urbina, at 29 years old, has a lot to still offer MMA. The problem is that Urbina's run in the UFC was really just a buoyed attempt at breaking through in Mexico.  That's fine and all---but chances are Urbina wasn't UFC quality to begin with unfortunately. Last time out, Vicente Luque smoked him in a round which isn't a deathknell (Luque will be a title contender soon enough) but it was proof that Urbina lacks a real home. He's too slow for 170 lbs and not strong enough for 185 lbs.

11- Justin Edwards TUF 13 Opening round elimination 9-5 MMA record 2-5 UFC record 3-5 since TUF

Once upon a time, a Justin Edwards type would have a place in the UFC. Back in the days of Sam Stout, Yves Edwards, Piotr Hallmann and so many others holding spots at the LW junkfest table, a Justin Edwards would've fit right in as a not too good, not too bad sloppy lightweight. Unfortunately for him, times have changed and the landscape at 155 lbs is loaded up. The lightweight division is now the best in MMA (IMO) and so Edwards has no place. As a welterweight? I mean he wasn't good there either. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that Edwards probably will only stick around beyond a fight or two if he does what he normally does; has an exciting fight where he loses or gets finished in a crazy fashion.

10- Seth Baczynski TUF 11 Quarterfinals elimination 19-14 MMA record 5-6 UFC record 7-7 since TUF

Seth Baczynski deserves a lot of credit, far more than he deserves, for his success as a UFC fighter. He was apart of a flunky heavy sort of TUF class but he went on to rack up some pretty damn good success even AFTER losing to Brad Tavares and getting released the first time. Baczynski's not a bad fighter, just a guy who is somewhat limited and couldn't hide those limitations forever. It's even worth pointing out that at one point he won four straight fights in the UFC and he holds wins over Matt Brown and Neil Magny. Unfortunately this is a guy who has lost six of his last seven fights and three of those were by stoppage. He's old, the chin isn't what it used to be and he wasn't a great athlete to begin with. Seth might be done on the top level.

9- Julian Lane TUF 16 Opening round elimination 11-7-1 MMA record 0-0 UFC record 7-7-1 since TUF

I don't know why I don't have Lane higher up on this list. I guess I'm just perplexed about what he is. Of all the fighters involved, he's the natural WW who has been super active since not making the cut. He had a really impressive (at one point) four fight winning streak before the bottom fell out. He'll make for some silly fun at least during the garbage TV portions of the show.

8- Gilbert Smith TUF 17 Opening round elimination 12-6 MMA record 0-1 UFC record 7-4 since TUF

Ah Gilbert Smith. Back to the days of TUF 17 where we thought the show would produce a new crop of 185 lb talent. Tor Troeng, Josh Samman, Kelvin Gastelum, Bubba McDaniel and Uriah Hall were going to fix the ragged 185 lb division! So the TUF middleweight season only produced one truly great fighter in Gastelum but that's neither here nor there. Gilbert Smith has had a decent enough go of it outside of the UFC including wins over some solid fighters like Bojan Velikovic and Bristol Marunde. He rebuilt his stock in RFA to the point where Bellator came calling. Smith went 0-2 in Bellator, losing both fights by decision, and now he's back on TUF. Smith is a powerful dude who has improved to the point where he offers something up just about everywhere he goes. He just lacks an elite skill, isn't much of a fight finisher vs reputable competition and showed serious signs of slowing down athletically and cardio wise in recent fights. It's worth noting he's 35 years old so the time is running out on him.

7- Ramsey Nijem TUF 13 Finalist 9-6 MMA record 5-5 UFC record 5-5 Post TUF

It could be argued, by which I  would not disagree,  that Ramsey Nijem is good enough to be in the UFC right now. Nijem's one of the few guys to beat Beneil Dariush in the UFC and his wins tend to either be very exciting or finishes. The same could be said for his losses as well; with Nijem being finished in four of his five losses. Ramsey's well rounded, he's got power in his hands and he's a squirrely active fighter on the feet and on the ground. The problem ultimately is that his chin has never been good and he's fought some brutal competition (Carlos Diego Ferreira, Tony Ferguson, Beneil Dariush, Myles Jury, Justin Edwards, James Vick and so on so forth). What's more, Ramsey Nijem was openly vocal about how much he disliked the UFC after his release, bemoaning their pay structure and their contracts. So now he's back? This feels like a fuckjob upcoming and so IF Ramsey wins the show, chances are he won't be hanging around for too long.

6- Dhiego Lima TUF 19 Finalist 12-5 MMA record 1-3 UFC record 3-4 Post TUF

So Diego Lima is an interesting guy and one of tthe fighters who, in theory, could surely stick around if he gets the right kind of matchup. Lima's problem is that he's not his brother so the expectations were always sort of wonky. He's a decent all around fighter who can challenge you from a variety of ways. He's just not very dynamic and his chin is questionable. Since losing in the TUF finale to Eddie Gordon, he had a so-so  run in the UFC (two stoppage loses and a win over a guy no longer employed) but seemed to find his groove on the regional circuit with two wins including an impressive five round decision win over David Michaud in Titan FC. He followed that up with a controversial stoppage loss to Jason Jackson (BTW where is HE on this thing?!) where his chin once again reared its head. If you protect him, he could find a place as mid level filler.

5- Joe Stevenson TUF 2 Winner of the season 33-16 MMA Record 8-8 UFC record 10-9 Post TUF

I wish I could rate Joe Stevenson higher. Stevenson is a huge part of my MMA conscious and he was a key figure for me as I got into the sport. It's crazy to think a TUF winner who fought for an interim title and has six bonus wins under his belt is now scrapping to try and save his career. Watching Stevenson's fight(s) on youtube, you can sense that the guy who once fought BJ Penn is essentially gone. Now most fighters don't age gracefully but Joe looked surprisingly slow and incapable of pulling the trigger. Maybe that's just rust. Ultimately Joe is a guy who fought as low as 145 and will be fighting guys who could probably crack at 185 lbs if not higher.  I want this to end well---but chances are it won't.

4- Mehdi Baghdad TUF 22 Opening Round Eliminated 10-5 MMA Record 0-2 UFC Record 0-2 Post TUF

Mehdi Baghdad shouldnt have been released. While he's not the first fighter to get cut after pulling out via an injury, it doesn't sound like Mehdi had any sort of malice behind him. It wasn't like a certain HW claiming injury to go film a movie for instance but he was still nixed none the less.  It didn't help that he had pulled outof a few fights previoussly. Mehdi's last fight was a split decision loss to John Makdessi in a fight most people thought he won, outstriking the Canadian. Baghdad's biggest weakness is that he's hittable on a show filled with power punchers and he's undersized. Otherwise I'd pick him to beat almost any 155er here on the show. Worst case scenario, he find a spot as a niche fighter at LW.

3- Hayder Hassan TUF 21 Finalist 6-3 MMA record 0-2 UFC record 0-2 post TUF

Hayder Hassan was on the Blackzilians vs ATT season of TUF and he was one of the few standouts. ATT rode him like Sea biscuit, having him five three times on the show. He went 0-2 on the show but he lost to two awesome fighters in Vicente Luque and Kamaru Usman who are  beating everybody. No shame there.  Hassan is a powerful guy who hits hard, has pretty great cardio and if you can overlook a few key flaws (he's hittable and his ground game is sort of kind of mediocre), there's no reason he can't be an all action addition to the UFC at welterweight. Like a poor man's Tim Means.

2- Ed Gordon TUF 19 Winner 8-4 MMA record 1-3 UFC 2-3 post TUF

So if this was a middleweight redemption deal I'd pick Gordon over anybody. He hits hard, he can wrestle, his weaknesses (mediocre grappling, eh cardio) are less likely to be exposed in a tournament format. The problem I have with Gordon, who was probably good enough to not be cut in the first place, is deciding to try a cut to 170 lbs on a reality show. That's sort of what hamstrung Sam Alvey's chances on TUF and turned him into a late notice UFC replacement down the line. It's a pretty miserable idea to be honest. Gordon is really good enough to carve out a niche in the UFC; the problem is that niche isn't too high up.

1- James Krause TUF 15 Eliminated/Didn't Qualify for the House 23-7 MMA record 4-3 UFC record 8-3 Post TUF

I mean.....he's basically the Mac Danzig of this season. He's a ringer designed to ensure that either a) a name is created by beating him or b) a competent fighter wins the whole show.