#i think thay was the last episode i watched before i stopped cause the rest hadnt dropped yet..

[reesescuffs]

Cotc queer character thread was on my twt.. need to re-watch

Need to draw (hotguy) scraian with the secret keeper / George "Oh I'm quite fine" "I know.." scene...

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Ep 3 Thoughts

I just had the kind of day that makes you fall back in love with life a little bit. So what better time to watch Love Sea than right now? I will say I have been warned that certain parts of this episode will make me angry. So odds are, if you like the show, you won’t like my thoughts. But I’ll go in with an open mind. Episode 2 was fine. Right? Right. Anyway, just in case, if you click the read more and you don’t like what I say…that’s on you. You were warned. So let’s do this thing. Episode 3 time.

This time the movie I watched before this show didn’t have literally the best sound mixing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. So I think my ears are safe this time. It won’t be good but at least I’m not going from the best to…this.

IQIYI translate texts challenge 2k24. I said it last time and I’ll say it again. I am very skilled. I have many talents. Reading Thai is not one of them. What’s the point of paying for this streaming service if they’re only gonna half ass the subs? Anyway. Give the translators a raise and hire more of them. Or face my wrath in the form of one tiny little post under a read more on the internet that you will never see. But you should feel my scorn. Feel it!

Rak better keep his glasses. I swear if Rak loses his glasses….

It is raining in the show so I feel the need to tell y’all that I bought two umbrellas today! They were both on clearance. Isn’t that great? My collection grows.

Oh also IQIYI translate the fucking spoken words too challenge??? Girl what is going on.

I have no context for this line. Zero. Why are they talking about her boobs? What is happening in the rest of the conversation. Cause I also can’t speak Thai. I wish I could. That language is simply not in my wheelhouse.

I could be watching the Stray Kid’s cover of Sherlock for the millionth time but instead I’m listening to a Thai phone call that means nothing to me. All I know is she mentioned her boobs.

Noisy drunk street people go home challenge. Go home and stop conversatin right outside my apartment. Do that elsewhere. You have now left the bar cause it’s closed. My apartment is not open for business so I don’t know why you’re loitering outside it. Time to blast some kpop real quick. That typically works. Oh they left before I got to play any music. They must have a sixth sense.

Thank god I got this conversation fully subbed. The fuck is up with his dad? Actually. You know what? I don’t want to know. Whatever it is, it’s bad. And I don’t want that. I don’t trust MAME to do trauma actually. Well. I trust MAME will do trauma but I don’t trust her to do it well.

I STILL CAN’T READ THAI.

I did not gain that skill in the last 15 minutes. Why are they doing this to me specifically?

I am enjoying this song a whole lot.

Why are we getting flashbacks in every episode? MAME is a better writer than this. Why is she relying so heavily on flashbacks? I’m so confused.

Rak, do not go to a secondary location with that man. Dear Mut, what the fuck? He has said no. That is a complete sentence. And believe it or not, he does not need to explain it to you. He was being generous by telling you why he said no. But you are going to force him to go somewhere else? Have you considered I hate you and will kick you right in the balls?

The music is trying to convince me this is romantic but honestly I’m just confused.

THEY DIDN’T EVEN WEAR HELMETS. And then my soul was launched from my body straight into the sun and I feel nothing anymore.

Oh to be stargazing on a beach while laying next to a hot boy and having deep conversations about life. Oh if only that were me. Hey real quick, anyone want to go stargazing with me? I’ve never been stargazing and I think I should do it. 

I’ve only been watching this episode for 23 minutes. I thought it was almost over. This shit is dragging. The directing in this show needs significant work. There is not enough movement on screen in far too many scenes. Even when We Are had two characters (Tan and Fang) just standing and talking, it wasn’t difficult to watch because they were both constantly moving. Well, mostly Tan. But Fang did too. There was something for the eye to catch. Something to watch. With Love Sea, they have Rak and Mut just stand and talk, or sit and talk, or lay down and talk, and there is not nearly enough movement. They need to be doing something. I am moving more just sitting on my ass on my couch (shoveling cake in my mouth) while I watch than these two are doing on screen and that is a directorial problem. Imagine working with an established actor pair who are known partially for their chemistry together and just…having them lay there. I was prepared to go into this show mad at it for the typical MAME reasons but honestly, I’m mostly mad that the show elements are bad. The writing is not up to MAME’s usual standard and the directing is ass. The music is par for the course and I’m more objective about it this week at least.

FINALLY. Some movement. God that took forever.

It must be nice to be able to read Thai and know what the fuck is being said.

People stop reading over Rak’s shoulder. Let him have some privacy. The fuck?

If someone forcibly made me cover up like that on a hot day, I would pull a gun outta my ass and shoot them. It is HOT. I am SWEATY. Let me BREATHE.

MUT. NO DOES ME NO. BUT NOT WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO OVERRIDE SOMEONE’S AUTONOMY. LET RAK’S TITS BREATHE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. LET THEM BREATHE.

Save Mook. Seriously. Save her.

Horny boys.

This scene would have far more emotional impact if we had any more time with these characters. Literally we started the episode with Rak refusing to go somewhere with Mut and being forced to go. And now he’s willing to stay? Doesn’t he believe love is a figment of the imagination? Did that fucking change? Did we see that change? Was it in one of the texts I couldn’t read?

I’m not…angry at this show. I mean Mut is never gonna be my favorite and neither is Rak, but MAME has had far worse cough cough PrapaiSky cough cough This show’s problem is actually the worst problem a show can have: it’s boring. I’m bored. The writing is lazy, the directing is abysmal, and honestly the sound mixing thinks it’s doing something and utterly failing. Those are the only three things I feel I’m knowledgeable enough to comment on but I’m sure the rest isn’t great either. I’m upset that I can’t even be mad at the characters. Cause it’s all so boring. When did I go back in time to get a BL that was so poorly written as to be a joke? It’s 2024. I refuse to believe this is what they put together. For all its faults, LITA was at least entertaining. At least it didn’t ruin my lovely day. I am gonna go get ready for bed now because unfortunately, I have to work in the morning. Oh to have a summer off. Oh to go to the sea and stargaze at the beach. I can’t believe this show managed to make even that boring.

[avengersassemble-fics]

Stark’s Girl

part 013/015 “i’m not going anywhere”

previous part // next part

masterlist

word count 3.1k

The Avengers Compound has not changed one bit, albeit the lack of people roaming the halls was hard to ignore. Your first couple months with Nat had gone relatively smoothly and you didn’t have a single blackout episode yet, but you had been taking precautions. You didn’t tune into the news, opting instead for streamed episodes of that Office show tony demanded you finish. Natasha had introduced you to podcasts, but you were careful to avoid any of the ones about “Moving on After the Blip,” or “Remembering before the Blip,” because you were sure you’d lose it. Sometimes you chose to just listen to soft classical music, which was your choice for today. It was the weekend, things had been quiet on the communication end for Natasha, so she dismissed you for a couple days (not that she wouldn’t be able to call for you if she needed, but the idea of having free time was nice.)

Every week you set aside some time to come to the deserted half of the Residence hall.. The rooms that once were lived in by other Avengers were abandoned, and this was one of the most glaring reminders of what was lost four years ago. You had a pattern that you always stuck to, and you always started with Sam’s room, clearing off any dust that may have accumulated and repositioned the knick knacks that adorned the shelves that lined the walls. There were pictures of him with his flight partner wearing the wings that Sam had made his own. 

Vision’s room was a little more bare. And by a little more you mean it was basically two chairs and a painting. Nonetheless you made sure the painting always hung straight and no dust dared to stay on the famous Mulberry Tree. Sometimes you’d stop and wonder why Vision had chosen this painting out of everything, and almost always you opted for the answer that Vision admired Van Gogh’s acknowledgement of no matter his place in the world, all he could do was carry on and paint. Maybe that resonated with Vision, especially given his connection with Wanda.

Wanda���s room was more homey, you had always admired what she had done with the place. There had been a number of times she’d let you come in with a bowl of popcorn and you both would watch old timey sitcoms together. You took great care in making sure her room was exactly how she left it, and made sure to replace the vanilla sage wall scent just in case.

The last room that you often avoided was Steve’s. Nat said that he stopped by often for laundry purposes and to check in, but you had yet to see him since you moved back in. Was it an invasion of privacy or was it a nice gesture since you’d done everyone else’s? With a deep breath and steady hand, you pushed open Steve’s door and turned the light on and took in the sight.

It was almost exactly how you remembered it. The bed remained untouched all this time, still made perfectly just how Steve had done every morning. No one must’ve come in here in awhile, or maybe Steve did the last time he had come to see Nat, because there was a faint hint of his cologne in the air. You did notice that the small touches Steve did have in here were long gone, the only hint that anything had adorned the shelving in the room was the faint outlines that were slowly but surely being covered by dust. You hesitantly ran a dust rag over the shelving, going row by row before beeping interrupted your cleaning regime.

“Stupid earphones,” you grumbled and took them out your ear and shoved them into your pockets. You made a note to self to charge them when you went back to your room (and not run them through the washer like you did with tony’s pair that one time). You reached down for the windex to spray the mirror that hung on the wall when you gasped at the sight of someone standing behind you.

“What the hell, Steve,” you exclaimed. 

Steve stood in the doorway holding a basket with what looked like a heap of clothing in it. The small smile that graced his face let you know that he was amused, and not afraid to show it. “So we’re breaking and entering now?”

The callback to your first meeting post-Siberia fallout didn’t fall flat. You stood a little straighter and motioned towards the door. “I um.. I did the other’s and thought I should do yours too.”

“That’s a nice gesture,” Steve confirmed. He took small strides into the room, never giving off more than a casual vibe, and set his basket down on the bed. Steve proceeded to start folding the clothes he pulled out and you weren’t sure if you should leave or not, but the feeling was quickly squashed. “Don’t let me stop you from your routine.”

The term he used made you raise a brow, but you also didn’t question him on how he knew of your routine. Instead, you turned back to the mirror and sprayed it down, and wiped away the liquid with paper towels. The only sound in the room was the light squeaks made from your wipes, and the soft sound of his clothes falling into folded piles. When you finished you turned around and set the windex in the carrier you had with more cleaning supplies which caused him to look up from what he was doing. “Right I should.. Get out your way.”

You grabbed the carrier with no objection from Steve and made your way to the door. As much as it pained you to admit it, sometimes you missed his company. Steve had always been the one person you felt at home with, besides Tony and his family of course. But with Steve it was like.. Like how Pepper and Morgan were to Tony.. His family. Steve had begun to feel like yours, and maybe that’s why it was hard to not have that anymore. But his voice tore you from your thoughts, and froze you in your tracks. “Have you had dinner yet?”

“What?” You asked, unsure if he was even speaking to you. You turned around to him and he indeed was looking your way, folding a shirt in the process.

“Have you had dinner?” He asked again.

“Uh,” you checked your wrist and the watch you were wearing blinked back up at you that it was 6:45. “Actually no I haven’t.”

“Nat was planning on a late night to catch Rhodey on an update on a mission,” Steve started, placing the shirt he was folding down behind him and meeting your gaze again. “I was thinking Thai?”

You didn’t answer right away, averting your gaze to the floor in thought, which made Steve smile. “Oh come on.. I know it’s your favorite.”

You couldn’t help but laugh and raise a brow at him. “We’ve resorted to bribery?”

“If that’s what it takes,” Steve admitted. You found yourself biting your lip and finally gave him a nod.

“Alright, I’m game, but only if I get some of those little cheese rolls,” you countered. Steve nodded with a grin on his face.

“Deal. I have another load finishing but let’s meet in the kitchen in.. Thirty?” He asked.

You nodded in agreement and took a step back out the room, “Thiry.”

It was a nerve wrecking thirty minutes. Did you dress up? Why would you even dress up? Steve was just being.. Nice. That was all! And you weren’t so easily swayed with the offer of food, though the grumbling in your stomach said otherwise. When you had caught a glimpse of yourself you hurriedly changed out of the disheveled shirt you had been wearing and threw on some sweater you had found in your closet. It was warm and cozy, but also more put together. Did you want to look put together? God, why were you even stressing out like this? Steve and you were done, finished, over.. But you couldn’t help but think back to his smile. The damn smile was enough to make your head feel light. You tapped your phone against your thigh when a message came thru from Nat, and you scoffed at it.

Nat: Give me a heads up if things get steamy, I don’t want to hear make up sex tonight.

You weren’t going to reply, even when she double texted using that winky face emoji with its tongue out. You opened your bedside drawer and tossed your phone in there and decided you weren't going to stress about this anymore. You were going to go down to the kitchen and enjoy your favorite food from your favorite place (did Steve remember that too?) and.. See what happens. Go with the flow is what Tony always told you right? You didn’t want to stop and think if that applied to dealing with Steve again, and instead threw open your door and made your way to the kitchen.

The sweet and savory aroma that filled your nose as you came into sight was welcomed, and the sight of the familiar logo of the restaurant made you even more giddy. Steve did remember. He was pulling out take out boxes and the given chopsticks and dressings when he glanced up to see you approaching, and cracked a smile while he continued to lay everything out. “I think I remembered everything.. Shrimp pad thai, level three spice.. Let’s see..”

He drifted off as you watched him pull out another smaller box and give a little nod to himself. “Soft spring rolls with the peanut sauce,” he paused and pulled the small container of liquid out of the bag. “And as promised, an order of cheese rolls.”

He set everything aside and you chuckled, “Wow you really remembered everything down to the sauce.”

“What can I say, I’m a man of my word,” he motioned to the rest of the common space. “Maybe we can watch something while we eat?”

“Sounds good to me,” you agreed, and carefully with stacked takeout boxes, Steve and you made your way over to the common area, sitting on the same couch but with a comfortable space between you two. The night divulged into the two of you eating dinner, and Steve had picked one of the shows Wanda had introduced him to, called I Love Lucy. You weren't sure how long you both had stayed in the same spots, but the food was long gone, and it was pitch black outside. But you were.. Comfortable. You were enjoying his presence, though you both did still keep your distance. It was significantly colder now since there wasn’t much movement in the room, and you sat back with your legs under you and arms crossed over your body, your sweater no longer much help.

Steve took notice a while ago and had periodically checked his watch. The time neared closer to 11, and knowing you sooner or later you would fall out. The lights may have been dimmed but he could see the way your hands pulled your sweater cuffs to cover your fingers. But you didn’t make a move, which he didn’t know why. Well.. He kind of knew why because he had felt the same way. He was just as nervous as you were, but he didn’t want to see you suffer in silence. “It’s gotten a bit chilly, I’m gonna grab a blanket real quick.”

You had let out a small mhm, and Steve stood and walked over to the cabinets that surrounded the tv you both were watching, and grabbed one to use. He proceeded to sit back where he had been all night, and spread the blanket over his lap. As he fiddled with the fabric he glanced your way and saw you eyeing the soft cover, and he lifted the part closest to you. “There’s plenty to share if you want?”

You weren’t so hesitant this time. Steve only held the blanket open for you for a few seconds before you grabbed a hold of it and slid yourself closer to him so the blanket covered you fully. You glanced his way as you made yourself comfortable right by his side, and cleared your throat. “Thank you.”

You knew what he was doing, you weren’t completely blind to it, but you also were grateful that he wasn’t making it a big deal. Because it wasn’t right? It was just two adults watching tv, who had dinner together, and sharing a blanket. Totally, completely innocent. You were forced to refocus on the screen when Steve shifted next to you, and his arm draped on the couch behind you.

Innocent enough.. Right?

Steve was relaxing, he was getting comfortable. A few minutes passed before you decided to unwind a bit too. You relaxed deeper into the couch and pulled the blanket up a little higher, and let out a content sigh. In all honesty you couldn’t remember the last time you felt at peace like this. And it was thanks to Steve, which was a little infuriating to admit (because he knew what he was doing, you were sure of that). 

Steve was unsure what was running through your mind, but he knew it must’ve been working a hundred miles a minute. He tried his best to focus on the episodes that passed by, not even aware of how much time had passed when he felt you fall into his side. He glanced down and there you were, laying into his side with closed eyes, and it made him check his watch. Sure enough it was past midnight, which was right on time for you. He could hear the heavy exhales, and he moved very carefully.

The arm he had draped on the back of the couch (in all honesty, in preparation for this moment) he lowered down to hook around you, and used his hand to pull the blanket up higher. Steve kept his arm wrapped around you and relaxed back into the couch, then with his free hand he grabbed the remote and shut the tv off, the bright light fading from the room. The only cast of light came from further down the hall, and allowed him to fully gaze down at you.

Steve had forgotten how peaceful you looked while sleeping, even despite what he knew was running through your mind. So Steve did what he thought was best, he closed his eyes and eventually drifted off to sleep too.

Nat was not prepared to walk into the kitchen early in the morning and catch Rogers and you cuddling on the common room couch. But boy was she living for it. During her morning routine she had a shit eating grin on her face, and prepared her coffee as silently as she could. The coffee pot warmed up with a soft hum, she had made sure to load it with coffee grounds quietly, and when it was ready to be poured she opened up the cabinet, grabbed a mug, and closed it as loud as she could.

Bang.

The sudden noise was enough to startle you, causing your eyes to peel open and be met with the glaring sunlight that poured into..

Oh no. The common room. You were still in the common room.

Your eyes darted to where the sound had come from and there was Nat smiling into her coffee mug, and you slowly shifted your gaze up to Steve who was just waking up. You were now very aware that he was holding you which therefore meant you were cuddling with him. You had never gotten up so fast in your life, pulling the blanket up with you. Steve glanced Natasha’s way and then back at you, who was rolling the blanket up rapidly. “Oh-”

“I’m so sorry,” you offered, and even offered him the blanket back. Steve, with a raised brow, took the balled up blanket with one hand and you proceeded to shake his other. “Thank you for the dinner, Steve.”

And then you were gone in a flash. Steve sighed and set the balled up blanket down and rubbed his face with his hand when a chuckle from the kitchen. Natasha took a couple steps closer to him, and rested her shoulder against a wall. “You’re certainly playing with fire.”

“I wasn’t trying to,” Steve replied as he stood from the couch. Natasha shrugged and tapped her fingers against the mug in her hands. “We fell asleep.”

“All I’m saying is you told me you were going to just ask to have dinner and call it a night.. But here we are,” she couldn’t help but laugh at the end of that statement and Steve rolled his eyes. “Sorry, it’s just.. Well it’s kind of cute how much you’re trying to deny you didn’t plan this.”

Steve shook his head, and without another word to Natasha he headed to your room. It was a familiar route, right down the hall from his old room, and the door was closed when he finally got there. He lightly tapped his knuckles against the door and rested his shoulder against the frame. He could hear the creak from your bed and your feet hit the floor, and in a few seconds you pulled open the door and blinked up at him.

“Hi,” Steve offered.

“Hi,” you replied back. You didn’t move and neither did he and Steve sighed.

“I’m sorry if that was.. Too much. Just wanted some company last night and lost track of time-”

“I’m sorry for falling asleep on you,” you cut him off. Steve couldn’t help the lopsided smile that spread over his face.

“It’s not a problem at all,” he reassured you. For a second a smile formed over your lips, but then it faded, and your expression fell.

“Steve… What are we doing here?” You asked him point blank. Steve inhaled deeply before lightly shrugging his shoulders.

“I guess I’m just.. Trying to do the right thing,” Steve offered. You smiled sadly at him and he motioned his hand at you. “I missed you and just.. I wanted to do something nice.”

“It was nice, Steve,” you whispered to him before taking a deep breath. “But I’m.. Not ready-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered to you. You met his gaze and he shook his head lightly at you, not breaking that eye contact. “As long as it takes.. I’ll wait.”

Steve meant what he said, and sure enough he started to come by more. He offered his companionship and in slow strides you accepted his invitations.. But one question looms.

Was Steve going to keep his word?

- - - - - - - - - -

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[eponymous-rose]

This isn’t a post I really wanted to make, and I feel kind of shitty making it because parts of it aren’t my story to tell, but not talking about it isn’t working, so hey. Weirdly comforting internet void, please don’t reblog this. 

There’s discussion of mental illness below, but not (directly) firsthand. This is mainly discussion of the impact mental illness is having on my family. Please avoid this post if this is a topic that is likely to cause you pain or discomfort. I think I just need to have it out there.

About a year ago, my brother was diagnosed with Bipolar I. His seeking out a diagnosis was the direct result of the way his mental health was horrifically mismanaged when he lived in the US in his late teens: he was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and, a few months later, a pharmacy error cut him off anti-psychotics cold turkey. It was absolutely horrible, and he wound up leaving school and moving back in with my parents for a time just to recover. That diagnosis was still on file for him almost a decade later, but recently his job finally had decent enough benefits that he could afford to go in for a barrage of psychiatric testing to rule things out. Bipolar I wound up being the diagnosis that fit.

And I think, for him, there was a sense of relief that came from that initial diagnosis, because a lot of things started to fit. Our immediate family is very close and very loving, but also almost comically controlled and disciplined and logical and isolated. As a kid, he would frequently spiral over something small (I clearly remember being baffled by the fact that my teenage brother would still have full-on tantrums), and my parents and I would just be staring wide-eyed in silence because strong emotion??? what do????? He was comforted and loved, and outright tells us all the time that he loves us and feels really lucky to have had such a supportive family, but I can’t help feeling like we were just... overwhelmed by inertia and kept thinking “this is probably healthier and more normal than the way we repress our emotions”.

I suspected depression was always there, and I’d reached out to him a little about that based on my own experiences, but mania hadn’t even occurred to me, even when he was sending us e-mails at 5 AM about the new opera he stayed up all night writing. It’s incredible what starts to feel like normal when you’re in denial like that.

Regardless, that’s where we were last year: he called us up when I was visiting my parents and we chatted for about an hour about what we all knew about this illness and how he’d be going forward. We all assured him that we loved him a lot and were here for him in whatever way he needed us.

And then, in typical us fashion, we repressed it. My dad yelled at a server out of nowhere for bringing the wrong drink that afternoon; this is the most empathetic man I know, who’s raised his voice maybe three times in my life that I can remember (he called the server over afterwards to apologize and tipped hugely for having to put up with him). My mom’s anxiety spiked. I stopped sleeping well. It took us a few months to realize we were all struggling because we were so worried.

My brother tried a few different meds, none of which had a really strong impact. We all got together for the holidays, and when he arrived, he was furious in a way that felt familiar, like back in high school when he’d be so angry it was like he wasn’t fully in control of his body, wasn’t hearing the things he was saying. It was weirdly a bit of a relief, because I realized then how much he must have been putting on an act before: after high school, he’d always been extremely quiet and positive every single time I talked to him (always for short visits with big chunks in between). He was finally comfortable not being perfect around us. 

The precipitating factor for this particular blow-up was one of his coworkers e-mailing him and asking for one more article even though he was on holidays: dick move, sure, but in no way deserving of flinging his luggage around and teary-voiced ranting at the restaurant we took him to for dinner. We made sure he knew he was being heard and understood, and we sympathized with him, and we set up an hour that evening so he could just sit quietly in his room and work out how he was going to reply to the e-mail. And then things were fine again. He told us stories about how great that same coworker was the next day.

My parents stayed at an airbnb, mainly because my place is a little small for four, and he and I stayed here and just had a wonderful time. I realized how much I’d built things up in my head in a worrying way: this was still my brother, who I love very much, who’s sensitive and feels things deeply and sometimes gets upset, but I knew how to talk to him and I hope I could help him feel better; he certainly helped me feel better. We watched old cartoons and played NBA on the Switch and got milkshakes and ordered in pad thai and had a fantastic time just chilling and talking about whatever crossed our minds. I never once felt nervous or weird around him in the three weeks we were here, and I very clearly remember thinking, “Hey, future self, remember how natural this felt next time you’re catastrophizing: this is one of the few people in the world you’d happily have as a roommate.” We get along so, so well, and some of the new initial tension between him and my parents (that awkward combination of “well-meaning” and “absolutely out of their depths” made for a couple of baffled moments before they hit their stride) just never bled through to our friendship.

It came out during that trip that he’d accrued some pretty hefty credit card debt (overspending being an extremely common thing when you’re in a manic phase... and also in your twenties living alone in a big city when a big chunk of your job involves socializing every night); my parents very calmly and supportively told him they’d help him pay it off on the condition that he cut up those cards and take a serious look at the gaps in his budget. He was more embarrassed than anything, but my mom’s no-nonsense, logical attitude broke through and soon they were happily sitting down and setting up a budget.

He went back home, and things started getting worse. His landlord was an asshole who wouldn’t let him and his roommate control the heating and insisted on controlling it from off-site, so he’d come home to a sweltering apartment every night and couldn’t sleep. He took a sleeping pill to help him get some rest, and that triggered a major depressive episode. Through a series of accidental events (mainly getting stuck on hold with a crisis line for 45 minutes and calling 911 out of desperation), he wound up getting picked up by the cops one night and brought to a mental hospital, which he said wasn’t his intention, but he was glad it happened in the long run (the hospital, not the cops, obvs).

He was only there for one night, after which point they set him up with a social worker and amazing outpatient care, including psychiatrist visits every week and a new set of mood stabilizing meds, and I cannot stress enough that this would have been a much shorter story if he’d lived in the US. With my parents’ help, he wrote a letter to his landlord threatening to go to the city if he didn’t fix the heating situation, and his landlord caved (thank goodness, because there’s no way he’d be able to pay rent anywhere else in that city). Things stabilized, a little.

Now, though, it looks like he may lose his job. He disclosed his illness right after the diagnosis, and after some initial missteps, they started putting in effort to work with him on it---in my brother’s e-mails to us, the HR person went from an obnoxious jerk to a determined ally, if only to avoid liability issues. But on his new meds, while he feels great in the mornings, he’s exhausted by the afternoon, and he often has minor depressive episodes in the evenings, so clearly the dose isn’t right yet. He’s up to missing a couple days of work a week, and they’re clearly trying to lean on him to switch to contract work so they can let him go without running afoul of legal protections. It doesn’t help that what started as a wide-open, exciting startup (he still says the first eight months were his dream job) has turned into an ad revenue-grabbing mechanism where all his colleagues are white homophobic tech bros who ignore him at best and resent his “special treatment” at worst.

A lot of his friends happened to move away around the time of his diagnosis as well, and now a lot of his remaining friends are distancing themselves. A common factor in his last few jobs toward the end was people telling him, “You just looked miserable all the time,” and it sounds like it’s starting to impact his personal relationships. His time online is spent in the deepest of “cancel culture” discussion, where being mostly good but fucking up once is almost more reprehensible than being wholly awful (he quit Facebook for a while, but wound up reopening his account to let people know about his hospitalization... and now he’s just back there again). He and his boyfriend broke up. His friend who initially suggested he apply for this job now ignores him at work.

It’s that awful combo of “people are being assholes about my illness” and “my illness makes it hard to believe that someone who initially reacts poorly will ever come around, so I’d better shove them away first”.

My parents are understandably so worried for him. They’re going out to visit him for three weeks starting tomorrow, staying at an airbnb nearby and occupying themselves with their own retirement pursuits so he can come visit if he likes, or ignore them if he needs space. They’ve told him that, if he’d like, he’s welcome to come stay with them for a few months (they live on the other side of the country); they’ll cover his half of the rent while he’s gone, and he’ll have a bit of an opportunity to just heal, considering he went straight back to work the day after his hospitalization. They’ll also help him strategize about whether he wants to switch to part-time on his current job and see about picking something else up. I suggested they bring up the possibility of going back for a master’s---I know it’s an absolute minefield for mental health, but in his particular case, a flexible schedule plus project-based creative work with specific deadlines has always been a pretty good fit, and he excels academically.

They’re also preparing for the possibility of moving him out to stay with them on a more permanent basis, but they obviously don’t want to disrupt his care (his current appointments are at the best mental health facilities in the country). They can’t afford to live in his city on their pension, but they’re also talking about giving up their retirement condo and buying out his roommate’s half of the rent, and just being there to help him out when he needs it. I don’t think he’d go for that unless things really deteriorated quickly, but a few months away from the city definitely sounds like what he needs.

And I’m just... so angry. I’m pissed off that so much of the stress weighing on him (and so many others!) right now comes from him being nearly 30, in debt, without a hint of a way to start saving for retirement, with these little one- or two-year gig jobs with two-hour commutes full of toxic people stretching out into eternity. I’m pissed off that this awful disease has made it so my parents probably aren’t in a place where they’re going to be able to do their big retirement trip, and they may be giving up their idyllic retired life for good. I’m angry with myself for that little burrowing resentment that, because my parents are older, I could wind up a financial, medical, and emotional caretaker for them and/or my brother at a moment’s notice, and I don’t feel ready to take all of that on. I’ll never feel ready.

(As a bonus, bipolar I has a genetic component, and now I’m thinking back to that one time I stayed up all night determined to save the world by learning all of biology in eight hours, or the time when as a grown-ass adult I started crying like a ten-year-old because I felt left out from an activity friends were doing, and I’m thinking, is this it? And then it’s not those extremes, it’s every normal human emotion that was previously muted by my own situational depression years ago. Is this it?)

I feel so, so entitled to the life we should have had as a family, and so frustrated at all these external factors that’ve brought it crashing down. More than anything, I’m scared for my little brother. I know bipolar isn’t something that magically disappears, and that things are likely to get worse, but I want those external stressors to go away and just leave him alone for half a minute so he can heal and find the right combination of meds and maybe, maybe get to think about thriving rather than just surviving. I’m so grateful to my parents for finding the right things to do and say to help him recover. And I know that, if something goes horribly wrong, I can try to fill those shoes.

I’m still losing sleep, but only every now and then. People at work occasionally comment that I don’t look so good, but that’s much rarer than a couple months ago, and the people I’ve confided in are very kind and check in on me even when things seem to be going well.

After the move this fall, I’m going to find someone to talk to professionally about this. In the meantime, just typing this all out makes me feel a bit better. I am finding better ways to cope; I had to mute him on social media because my overwhelming tendency to overthink his posts was very dangerous (turns out that famous self-deprecating millennial sense of humor is terrifying when you’re trying to work out if someone’s in danger). I have a generally positive attitude about this, and I can now usually catch myself when I’m starting to spiral. I send my brother goofy links, and he sends me funny stuff in return. I’m going for runs and eating better and playing video games and hanging out with friends... 

... and I’m genuinely very happy a majority of the time (not just content, but happy), which wasn’t true even a couple months ago.

I’m scared and angry and coming to grips with it being okay to be both of those things, as long as I’m also supportive and loving. This is my little brother. This is my family. They’re the best. 

And all we can do is take it one day at a time.

[fuckyeahalexjo]

Could you please write something about jo and Alex going home the night of the last episode? After the day with Paul?

“What do you want to eat?” Alex tried to keep his tonecasual, the air in the car already popping with tension. When Jo didn’t answer,he took his eyes off the slick Seattle streets to take in her appearance. Hereyes were still vacant as she stared at the road in front of them. Alex turnedback to concentrate, glad for once in his life to get stopped by a red light.Once they had stopped, he turned back and tried again, “Jo?”

“Yeah?”

He eyed her carefully, hoping that in the brief moment theywould have eye contact, she could sense his worry and concern, “What do youwant to eat? Burgers, pizza, thai…”

She turned away again and shrugged as if the effort wasalmost too much for her, “Doesn’t matter.”

“What about that sushi place you’ve been wanting to try?That may be good,” he offered as the light turned green and he slowlyaccelerated the car.

“I’m not hungry.”

Alex frowned at the hollowness of her voice. He wanted badlyto argue with her, knowing she had not eaten all day and was quite possiblydehydrated from crying so much. But he knew this would be pointless and not atall helpful to her. He glanced in the rearview mirror casually, still checkingevery so often just to be sure no one was behind them. The rain picked up againand he grumbled to himself as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly hisknuckles turned white. He hated Paul and hated what he had done to Jo, not justin the past but today as well. He’d love nothing more than to go nine roundswith the asshole right now.

A sigh from Jo caused him to look over at her in time to seeanother tear fall from her cheek. He reached over the console and squeezed herhand, “Hey.”

She waved him off with her free hand, but interlaced herfingers with his at the same time, “I’m okay.”

Alex shook his head sadly, “Stop saying that. You’re not,but you will be.”

He looked back over as he turned onto their street in timeto see a small smile on her face, “I will.”

“Even better than okay,” he reassured as he pulled into aparking spot and killed the engine. Alex watched as Jo glanced around warilyseeming to take stock of every car in the lot. Alex squeezed her hand that hewas still holding, “Hey, he’s not dumb enough to try anything. Alright?”

“Tonight maybe,” she answered, her voice full ofresignation. She then rubbed her face vigorously while letting out a highpitched moan, “God, what am I gonna do?”

“We. What are we gonna do.” Jo looked up and gave a smallsmile before reaching for the door handle to let herself out.

Alex quickly exited and jogged around the car to her side,immediately noticing just how unsteady she was. Without thinking it through, hebent over to scoop her up in his arms bridal style. Jo squealed his name, smilingfor the first time in several hours. She tightly gripped his shirt in her fist ashe bounced her to readjust her body in his arms, “What are you doing? I canwalk.”

“Yeah and I can carry you,” he retorted. At the look ofsurprise on her face he bent down to place his forehead on hers, “Let me feellike I’m helping some.”

She smiled softly as he made his way up the sidewalk andinto their building. She ran her hand up his back slowly, almost as if she weretrying to comfort him, “You’ve been helping me all day.” When he looked at herskeptically, she smiled softly, “You have. Just by being you.”

He struggled for a bit to get the lift open and again to getthe door to the loft unlocked, refusing her suggestions that he put her down.He headed straight for the bathroom where he softly lowered her to the floor. Shelooked at him questioningly, her puffy eyes making him glance away, “I think agood soak would do you a lot of good….or did you have something else in mind?”

“A bath sounds great.”

Alex busied himself with running the water and adding herbath salts and bubble bath to the steamy water. When he was satisfied with thetemperature, he looked back up to see the vacant stare had returned, “Jo? Doyou need me to do anything else?” When she continued to stare, he stepped backto give her some space, “Do you…need any help getting undressed…or getting inthe tub?”

She looked up at him expressionless, but there seemed to bea small spark in her eyes, “I’m okay.”

Alex waited until she started unbuttoning her jeans beforehe stepped out and pulled the door to. He made himself a bowl of cereal and saton the couch, staying alert to any sounds from Jo that she might need him. Eversince he had watched her walk off with Meredith, his mind had been going ahundred miles per hour in each direction. Mostly about Jo, but also about hismom and Aaron.

While thinking of ways to best support and comfort Jo, hefound himself thinking back to days when his father would send everyone else inthe house into emotional tailspins. He thought of Aaron, always wanting to talkabout what had happened and recall it play by play. Or how he in his earlyyears if Aaron and his mother did not need him, he would spend time in hisbedroom reorganizing his baseball cards and later on how he would go out toride his bike or exercise in the barn. But mostly he thought of his mother. Howher coping mechanisms often changed due to her mental illness: sometimes it wasscreaming and wailing, sometimes holding her small sons and later her daughter,sometimes baking in the kitchen, or crying in the middle of the floor whereJimmy had left her. The feelings of frustration came roaring back: how Alex hadoften felt inadequate or powerless for his mother not knowing what to do tohelp her until he realized it was best to let her be in control. So he wouldsit back and see what she would do. Sometimes that meant he would stand in thekitchen and try a cookie from each batch as she took them out of the oven andsometimes it meant he would curl up in the living room floor with her, offeringan ice bag when she would not think to get one herself.

Alex shook the memories from his mind. He needed to focus onJo and try to practice the same deferral he had all those years ago and just gowith whatever Jo decided she needed. He began practicing how to talk to her aboutthat, to reassure her that he wasn’t pulling away from her when the door to thebathroom opened. He looked up to see her smile ever so slightly at him as shewalked over, his sweatpants dragging the floor despite her attempts to roll thewaist. She bent her right leg under her, but lay against him, her head restingon his shoulder. He looked over at her and how messy she looked with his oldSeahawks shirt hanging off of her along with her puffy eyes and messy hairstill in a high bun from her bath. He bent to kiss her temple, “You okay?”

Her lips curled up ever so slightly as she burrowed into hisside a little more, “I am now.”

[sendmeto-heaven]

asian drama asks...

well… I know it’s an ask thingy created by kpop-asks-etc​ , but I really wanna do it as a tag, because I’m a kdrama fan way more than I am a kpop fan (even though my blog says otherwise, it’s true), and i post so little about dramas on this channel, so here you go. whoever wants to do it, feel free.

1: Favorite K-Drama? I have two favorite dramas; I can’t choose between them and I always recommend them both: Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo and Reply 1997 😍 WATCH THEM, NOW, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND GO WATCH THEM, GO, GO, GO (my advice: watch Reply 1997 first, then watch a light drama in between, then watch Scarlet Heart; I cried my eyes out in both, but SHR was way worst, I sobbed in every episode for like… the last 5 episodes.)

2: Least favorite K-Drama? My Secret Romance 😩

3: First K-Drama you watched? Technically the first drama I ever watched was Boys Over Flowers, but the first one I ever finished was Heirs

4: Last K-Drama you watched? Fight My Way; very nice, saved the year (so far)

5: K-Drama OTP(s)? I don’t usually have OTP’s, I ship characters but it’s not like OHW MA GOD OTP, however, there is one that… 🙆🏼🙆🏼🙆🏼

6: K-Drama NOTP(s)? I don’t thing I have NOTP’s 🤔

7: Preferred drama genre? Romance(?) IDK is that a genre? Lately I’ve been into Slice of Life/Realistic

8: First drama you considered your favorite? Emergency Couple

9: Favorite Korean actor(s)? Favorite of Favorites: Lee Joon Gi. Favorites: Seo In Guk, Lee Min Ho, Song Joong Ki, Gong Yoo, Kang Ha Neul

10: Favorite Korean actress(es)? Yoon Eun Hye, Jun Ji Hyun, Lee Sung Kyung, Shin Hye Sun

11: Favorite K-Drama cliche? oh lord so many… let me think (and google it)… rich guy-poor girl, friends to lovers, hate-to-love, forced cohabitation, arranged/contract marriages turned romances, 

12: Least favorite K-Drama cliche? amnesia (when used later in the drama or to justify bad decisions or create unnecessary drama), wrist grab (so stupid 😡), back hug (if it’s done right, it’s ok), evil mother/mother-in-law, closed mouth kiss (not like pecks or little chaste adorkable ones but the ones when you can clearly see they’re not moving not breathing completly petrified), cross dressing (I liked it in the beginning coffee prince 💙, I’ve just grown tired of the girls LITERALLY looking like girls instead of boys and no one ever suspects anything)

13: Top five K-Dramas? Since I’ve already mentioned my 2 favorites (read question 1), I won’t count those. So: Coffee Prince, Emergency Couple, Descendants of the Sun, Secret Garden, Boys Over Flowers

14: Boys Over Flowers or Secret Garden? ugg why, hmmmm SG

15: Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo or Cheese in the Trap? I didn’t watch CitT, but I watched WFKBJ and it was pretty great 😊

16: Jealousy Incarnate or Oh My Ghostess? Again, only watched OMG, was cute

17: Descendants of the Sun or W: Two Worlds? DOTS (gave up on W, even tough i like Lee Jong Suk’s acting)

18: Moonlight Drawn by Clouds or Legend of the Blue Sea? Didn’t watch MDbC, but LotBS was kind not what I was expecting (was pretty meh)

19: Strong Woman Do Bong Soon or Shopping King Louie? Didn’t Watch SWDBS because had watched Weightlifting Fairy a moth before and wasn’t up for something with the same theme, currently am on episode 2 of Louie

20: Reply 1997, Reply 1994, or Reply 1988? 1997 (haven’t watched the others, don’t want to)

21: Lee Jong Suk or Ji Chang Wook? Never watched Ji Chang Wook’s acting (I’m curious, but he usually does kind thriller/crime/mystery dramas which I’m not really into)

22: Song Joong Ki or Park Bo Gum? Never watched Park Bo Gum’s acting (but want to)

23: Jo Jung Suk or Seo In Guk? my love, Seo In Guk

24: Jisoo or Nam Joo Hyuk? HOW CAN I CHOOSE 😱😓😥 NJH just because I’ve seen more dramas with him

25: Park Hyung Sik or Kim Soo Hyun? Neither, i don’t really like their acting

26: Favorite Lee Min Ho drama? oh shit… I think I’ve watched every LMH drama except for City Hunter and Faith… I’ll choose Personal Taste cause I’ve mentioned BOF before

27: Favorite K-Drama bromance? I can only think of Goblin when the word ‘bromance’ is mentioned, but I didn’t like the bromance in that drama, even though both Gong Yoo and Lee Dong Wook ‘s acting were good.. oh wait! Park Seo Jun and Siwon in She Was Pretty

28: Favorite K-Drama friendship? Coffee Prince, Fight My Way and Reply 1997 have very nice friendships

29: Favorite actor/actress duo? (one male, one female) HA! well she’s not really and actress but the cat from Imaginary Cat and Yoo Seung Ho

30: Favorite actor duo? ugh IDK I think I’ve mention Scarlet Heart a lot in this…

31: Favorite actress duo? oooooo Jung Ji Hyun and Hong Jin Kyung

32: Do you watch dramas with 30+ episodes? I tend not to, I think I only watched Temptation of Wife and The Mystic Nine…

33: Thoughts on web-dramas based around idol groups? (ex: EXO Next Door) aaaaaaaaaaaa no

34: Favorite idol actor? D.O. and T.O.P

35: Favorite idol actress? Jung Eunji and IU

36: Song Hye Kyo or Han Hyo Joo? SHK

37: Nam Ji Hyun or Park Bo Young? NJH (great in Angel Eyes, pretty good so far in SKLouie)

38: Jung Eunji or Bae Suzy? Eunji

39: Jung So Min or Kim So Hyun? KSH (very talented)

40: Kim Seul Gi or Kim Go Eun? KSG (but Go Eun is good too)

41: Favorite Park Shin Hye Drama? i don’t like her at all, but Pinocchio i guess…

42: Favorite K-Drama kiss scene? why can’t I post gifs on this damn thing? anyway, from Reply 1997, the one when Seo In Guk has a hideous orange shirt with a vest, from DOTS, the wine one, when Song Joong Ki is in his green military uniform

43: One K-Drama you could rewatch over and over? see question 1

44: How often do you watch C-Dramas? not often; tried to watch Cruel Romance once but was dumb enough to watch the sample instead of the actual episode and never came back to it, watch The Mystic Nine this year because of Yixing, was pretty great until episode 15, then kinda not

45: How often to you watch Thai Dramas? never watched it, considering watching the Full House version, mainly because the leads did a honeymoon travel magazine photoshoot recently and they looked like they have such great chemistry

46: How often do you watch J-Dramas? the only one I’ve watched was Switch Girl, pretty traumatizing tbh (love japanese drama movies though)

47: Least preferred type of drama between Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and Thai dramas? How can I judge if I majorly watch Korean dramas? It’s not like I hate the rest, I just watch kdramas a lot

48: Favorite C-Drama? not enough experience to judge

49: Favorite J-Drama? not enough experience to judge

50: Favorite Thai Drama? not enough experience to judge

51: Go-to K-Drama when you have nothing else to watch? I don’t have a drama, but i have a trope: the rich lives of chaebol

52: Favorite male lead character? i really loved all of the Reply 1997 characters and I’ve seen Seo In Guk in other roles, but Yoon Yoon Jae was probably 81% of the reason why I love that drama so much

53: Favorite female lead character? Chun Song Yi was everything

54: Recommend 3 fluffy AF dramas Weightlifting Fairy, Choco Bank and Queen of the Ring

55: Recommend 3 angsty AF dramas can only think of SHRyeo and We Broke Up

56: Recommend 1 mini-drama (any # of episodes, each last) Queen of the Ring is nice

57: Recommend 1 mini-series (30+ episodes, 1hr long each) don’t have one

58: List 3 dramas you plan you watch Arang and the Magistrate, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho and The Moon Embracing the Sun

59: Tell a random story involving K-Dramas +/- 2 years ago, when I was watching Coffee Prince, my mom would look at the screen and ask what they were saying (i watched with eng sub) and I had to translate. she asked so many times I ended changing the sub to portuguese (thanks viki) so she could understand. it is the only drama we watched together, she would get so mad if I watched an episode without her and until this day she recognizes Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun Hye

60: Name one drama you dropped, and explain why the most recent was Wednesday 3:30 p.m. thought it would be a cute childhood friends turned lovers drama but the first episode disappointed me a lot plus it was nothing like what I was hoping it was

[mychoisan]

Golden Flower episode 69

“Wait lemme ask Minhyuk what's good here... They've been around for the past 3 days” Eera picked up her phone immediately after setting her mind on lunch with Shama. “Minhyuk?” Shama looked at Eera, wondering who she was talking about. “Oh he's a friend from MONSTA X back when i used to work for them” Eera said realizing she never spoke of Minhyuk to Shama. “Ah...” Shama let out an exclamation. Eera looked back at her phone and remembered all the assumed facts by Minseok was regarding her and Minhyuk and just with this thought her face gave a displeasing grunt. Shama noticed this but dared not ask what that was all about. Eera shook off the horrid thought and went back to texting Minhyuk: “Hey, I'm in Hongkong right now. I need a place with good food here so i can grab lunch with a friend of mine. Any suggestions?” She sent the text and as she and Shama decided to slack off meanwhile, Minhyuk managed to send 3 texts, separately, one after another. “YOU'RE IN HONGKONG NOW YES PLEASE MEET US!” “oh and you're asking the wrong bunch, we had Thai food in Hongkong” “But do go to the restaurant called Serendipity downtown, the food is seriously good and it's really famous so you can ask for directions at your hotel’s desk” Eera read the last message out loud and looked at Shama. “I think we found our lunch place”. “The name is very interesting. Did you see the movie Serendipity?” Shama asked while grabbing her purse. “Yeah, that movie was something. Alright let's head out” Eera rushed and touched up her makeup and lipstick, mostly lipstick. Shama grabbed a nice warm scarf to keep herself warm. Meanwhile Eera was in her usual black jacket and jeans, even Shama noticed she wore too much black. And maybe blue. They took directions from the desk as Minhyuk had suggested, they gave the girls a detailed map to follow and even marked the trains they were to take to reach there although, walking seemed a better option since both of them wanted to see the place. “it feels so good just walking in the streets like this” Eera said quite loudly, but her voice seemed stress-free than before. “True, and the cold wind is just right, it doesn't hurt your face when it hits” Shama breathed in the breeze and so did Eera. However, in moments the breeze kept reminding her of Minseok and no matter how much she tried to shake off, it wouldn't leave. “I'm so hungry” Eera sulked as she felt her stomach contracting. “Aharey, I'm sure we're close...”Shama kept eyeing on landmarks and matching them with the map. “Apu, can we just get in some restaurant and eat? I don't think i can stand my hunger any longer” she held her stomach and pouted, Eera had very little tolerance towards hunger. “And i didnt eat anything so bujhtei parteso Ki obostha amar” “Right right, acha let's go that restaurant there” Shama pointed to the wooden signboard that said “TBC” in neon green sign “You're okay with Japanese right?” “I'm okay with anything at this point” Eera let out a chuckle and Shama laughed a little. They both walked into an okay looking restaurant, that didn't exactly ooze out Japanese to them, but it had a certain kind of dim lighting that somehow made the place feel warm. Both the girls had mixed feeling about this but only prayed to get food since both of them were starving to death. “Alright so the menu looks pretty good...”Shama turned the pages carefully and analyzed what they had to offer. “Do you like sushi?” She looked at Eera who was almost dying In her eyes, but kept scanning the place, hovering her eyes here and there. “Love sushi” Eera replied as she noticed the concrete walls are covered by varnished wood that glistened in the yellow light being illuminated from the lanterns above them. “So let's take a sushi, a dumpling...” “I want ramen” Eera suddenly looked at shama and she immediately nodded “Okay , ramen.” Shama repeated to make sure she was getting the items right. Eera rested her head on the table and suddenly went pale. She thought of Minseok again, wondered How much he’d love this place, how he would've smiled once the order was decided. His smile kept haunting her, and his voice kept ringing in her ears. “Eera? Are you okay? Do you feel too stick?” Shama was legit worried until Eera started “Minseok would've...” and she realized she was speaking without her own consent and looked immediately at Shama and said “Nothing, I'm fine, just hungry”. She realized how out of control her mind was at the moment. Is this what hunger does to you? Take away all your common senses? Shama heard exactly what Eera said and she understood Eera wasn't sick, she was just missing Minseok and was in denial that she was doing so. “Uhm.. Is there anything else you want?” Shama asked to be sure before she called the water. Eera, who already put her head faced down, said “No, nothing else”. Shama knew exactly how conflicted she felt, she wondered if Minseok was going through the same misery as Eera. She confirmed the order and Eera collected herself again meanwhile. “They don't have soft drinks here, that's sad” she said. “It's okay, we’ll buy one once we get out” Shama reassured her. “Minhyuk would be laughing right now, here we are having Japanese cuisine in Hongkong, God bless us” She cried out. Shama laughed at this. “this is truly weird. But at least we’re not starving to death” “True. I hope the ramen is good” Eera sincerely prayed cause she can't afford to have a bad dish at a situation like this. The Waiter came back with food and Eera was not impressed with how her ramen looked. “Honestly, i can make better looking ramen than this” She complained as soon as the Waiter left. Shama couldn't even say otherwise. Even the instant noodles would look better cooked than what was in front of Eera. Regardless of the complaining Eera kept eating and Shama smiled as she watched her eat. “Here have the sushi, it's not bad” shama offered. Eera had one sushi and her tastebuds already felt better. “This is seriously so good” she cried and thought of Minseok, “minseok would've loved this” and immediately shook her head to physically shake off the thought from her mind. “is the wasabi too strong?” Shama asked with concern when she saw her shake her head Like that. “Aniyo, it's really good” Eera felt embarrassed at this point for behaving so weirdly. Once they were done, they both could breathe easily and swore to never get on a flight with an empty stomach. “I think I'm going to take a sushi to go. I loved it” Eera looked up at the ceiling and thought of herself having sushi in her comfy bed back at the hotel. Shama smiled and said “Take it, you can eat later when you come back from work.” “right.” Eera called the Waiter and ordered for one more sushi to go. “I might have to go back to work after this. But i won't be long since i don't work until the actual day. Come along with me” Eera looked at Shama who was sipping on her water. “You sure?” “Yeah! And maybe after that, we could tour around and chill in a cafe later. Ki bolo?” Shama thought about it for a second. The idea was really good and too good to pass on it. She looked back at Eera and gave an approving nod. “Great” Eera loved their plan for the rest of the day. She smiled at Shama but her eyes shifted to the restaurant’s door suddenly open. Her eyes became bigger with the sight as a familiar face entered. “Oppa!” Eera let out the words as soon as she realized it really was him. Shama turned around to see who Eera addressed all of a sudden. Her eyes fell on a man who bore a porcelain skin, had Eyes that sparkled like the summer sea on a sunny day and lips as pink n plum as the freshly ripen cherries. He was tall, roughly 5’ 11”, but his shoulders were broad enough to squish a full grown person. All the masculinity oozed from this man but yet, something was very majestically graceful about his presence, the way he walked. Of course, for Shama, nobody could come near Chanyeol but he WAS definitely one of the most beautiful creations of God she'd ever laid her eyes on. “Eera? What are you doing here?”He looked at her, almost as confused as anybody would be if she said they had Japanese in Hongkong. “We were starving so we came here to grab lunch” “Ah...i see, but i thought you were going to that restaurant Minhyuk said...” “Yeah i got tired of walking and it was making me more hungry” Eera looked down and almost turned a shade of baby pink. “Ah, it's okay” He petted her hair and Shama noticed it was very similar to how Chanyeol would pet her hair. “Did you eat properly? Oppa will be upset if you didn't” He smiled at her and it almost seemed like the half-dim lit restaurant was already being lighted up. “i had a lot of food... And i am taking some home” Eera said proudly. She then remembered she hadn’t introduced Shama with any of MX. Within a second, she snapped out of the affection her oppa was showering her and randomly moved her hands to stop her oppa from saying anything further “Before you say anything, This is my friend Shama. She works with me at SM.” Eera gestured towards Shama and then looked at her “And this is Shin Hoseok, second oldest member of MONSTA X”.

[remembermemorablememories]

Sunday, February 10, 2019

post #398

Typing this on my phone on the train on this day (february 10) and finishing up on my laptop

Main points: - Walk in the cold and snow to take a train to Portland - Meet up with Jonah and get biscuits for lunch - Visit Nike store - Go to pittock mansion and blue star donuts for donuts - Pok Pok Thai food for dinner - Train back home

Today I: - Woke up at 6am to my alarm. Jwoos and I got ready and left the Airbnb around 6:30am. We walked to the main road and tried to call an Uber and Lyft but there wasn't anyone around cause it was early and bad weather. We decided we should just walk it, which was about a thirty minute walk. It was so cold omg. My feet are freezing cause a lot of sidewalks weren't shoveled and the cold started to fade through to my feet

We got to King Street station around 7am and just caught our train, which left at 7:20am. We got a slip after checking in and boarded to our assigned seats

The train ride was about 3 hours, and we arrived around 10:50am. Jwoos mostly napped on the train and I just listened to music on Spotify. Took some video of the passing scenery covered in snow. I also watched vox downloaded episodes I had for the plane ride "the female orgasm" and "political correctness"

- We met up with Jonah on a street just outside Union station. We spent some time trying to find each other cause it was a bit confusing. We were trying to meet up halfway walking towards each other cause he was walking towards the station and asked us to start walking towards him. Eventually we figured it out and met up and walked to his apt. It was so nice out in Portland, sunny and like 30s or so

We dropped off our bags at Jonah's apt and then he took us to a biscuit place called pine state biscuits. It was reaaaaally good. Also over the morning Jonah and I caught up about how things have been since Christmas, talking about college life vs work life, my apt search, etc. Jonah also got to meet and know jwoos a bit better like what school he went to, where he grew up, etc

Once we finished eating, we drove over to Nike to check out the campus. But then were told by security the campus was closed cause of the bad snow weather they were expecting over the weekend. Even though it was completely clear today LOL. Rip

We took some pics out front and then drove over to a Nike store to do some shopping. I bought Stefan janoski and a pair of track pants. Jonah showed me some running shoes (zoom pegasus) and they were really cushioned and comfy. Then offered to buy me the pair. Then I was like no no no no no no no but he insisted and after a bunch of back and forth he let me pick the gray color

We checked out then dropped off our stuff at his apt. We hung out for a bit while he was doing laundry and we watched an episode of explained on vox, "can we live forever?".

- After some resting/chilling, he drove us to Pittock mansion to get views of Portland. It was a pretty nice view. I thought the light snow on the trees looked really nice. But it was also starting to get cold. The clouds came out and there were snow flurries falling. Yikes. We took some pics then drove down the mountain to a nearby park to fly the drone

I flew it around the surrounding area getting views of the city then Jonah played with it. He seemed to have a lot of fun with it :D even though it was a bit windy, the drone did well. We also tried out the sports mode which I had never done before. But it basically made the drone hyper sensitive to everything. Also my fingers were really cold cause it was like 30 degrees by now ish

- We drove back towards Jonah's apt and stopped by blue star donuts for a little snack. I got a chocolate something and it was really good. So did jwoos, and Jonah got a raspberry something. We walked around 23rd Ave for a few blocks while eating and then turned around to go back to the car cause we were getting cold LOL

We stopped by the apt to figure out where to go for dinner. Jonah said there was a Vietnam place (luc lac) and Thai place and we decided on the Thai place, Pok Pok

Around 6pm walked there and got seated right away. We got four dishes. Some beef, Pok pok, salad, fish, and wings. It was a pretty solid meal, shared family style. While we were eating we talked about Lightroom vs Photoshop, tech interview vs business interview, and recounting my knee story when I was 7 :p

- around 7pm, we walked back, got our stuff, then Jonah drove us back to Union station and we said goodbye. Our train was for 7:20pm and we got there around 7pm. while we waited for the train, jwoos and i talked a bit about family, relatives, shoes/high heat, and some other stuff. i learned about “high heat” and “sneakerheads” today from jonah. Our train was a bit delayed but we boarded and left around 7:40pm

Riding the train rn back to Seattle

update:

i typed up february 10 and february 9 (half of it) on the train ride back to seattle. but it was just really inefficient with my phone’s keyboard. also watched “global water crisis” and the woman’s pay gap on vox explained on netflix (downloaded offline). we got back to seattle around 11:30pm. i napped the last hour from like 10:30pm-11:30pm. then we waited for like 20 minutes trying to call an uber. it seemed like it snowed some more in seattle while we were gone. richard in a prius, our savior, picked us up and took us home

we got back around 12am, jwoos showered while i played with the cat/texted sheena cause something happened again between her and ben. then i showered and went to sleep by like 1am

the end

what a fun day :D i think i captured the main points while typing this on my phone. hopefully...

[anoopkam]

Back at Supreme’s Oriental Spice restaurant, at Kuravankonam again after a while… Its been more than a month since I’ve been there and I did end up having a bit of craving for the Kung Pao Chicken… Other than that, I decided to go for what I haven’t had before from there… So, this time, I went for their Spicy Chicken Soup first… Then because of watching too many of Mark Wein’s videos recently, I wanted to try something that I haven’t had for years : The Crab… The reason for the gap is because I didn’t think it was worth the effort of cracking open the shell to drag out the meat… So, on being informed by the waiter that they don’t serve with shell, I decided to try out the Singapore Chilly Crab starter… Then when checking the out the options for mains, one of the items that I have been meaning to try ever since I saw Anthony Bourdain’s episode on Penang i.e. the legendary Char Kway Teow, which is available in their menu as Kway Teow… So, I went for the seafood variant and ofcourse, along with it I ordered a Kung Pao Chicken as well…

So, to list them all, they are a portion each of the Spicy Chicken Soup, Singapore Chilly Crab, Seafood Kway Teow and Kung Pao Chicken… This is a place that I have been constantly complaining about having too much quantity per portion… So, I must mention here that I took the leftovers (more than half) as parcel and basically had enough for me, my dad and my grandma to eat for dinner… 🙂 So, if you who is reading this is an owner/manager of this restaurant, pls reduce the portion size or at-least have an option of 1/4 plate for single cover… This time, I happened to be heading directly home from there which is why I decided to go there in the first place… 🙂 Else, its a huge wastage of food…

Oriental Spice

Oriental Spice

Spicy Chicken Soup

Singapore Chilly Crab

Kway Teow (Seafood)

Kung Pao Chicken

So, once I placed the order, I was served a cup of hot Green Tea… After a few minutes, the soup arrived… The soup that I ordered was what they called as their Spicy Chicken Soup… When I asked the waiter about it, he merely said that its a soup with Chicken, Mushrooms, Chinese greens and Green-chillies for the spiciness… And when I asked for the spice level especially when compared to the spicy fried rice that I had from one of my previous visits, I was informed that it is only slightly spicy rather than full on spicy… Thats why I decided to try it out… So, the below pic is how I got it…

Spicy Chicken Soup

Spicy Chicken Soup

First of all, my only complaint regarding this soup is that they used corn starch and made it thick… However, the soup tasted awesome with a really nice taste of the Chicken broth along with a rich flavour of Green-chillies, Ginger, Garlic and Coriander leaves, seasoned absolutely perfectly with the right amount of salt and pepper… The soup contained shredded Chicken, Mushrooms (mostly Button and a little bit of Shiitake) along with some Chinese Lettuce, Bok Choy, Green Onions, Coriander leaves and grated Green-chillies and also a bit of Egg dropped as well… Its clearly one of the best Chicken based soups I have had… I only wish it was not thickened…

After I was done with the soup, the starter arrived and as mentioned above, it was my attempt at having the Crab after so many years… So, what I got was what they call their Singapore Chilly Crab and I got served as shown in the pic below…

Singapore Chilly Crab

Singapore Chilly Crab

First of all, I couldn’t quite figure out where the crab was, because all I could see were these noodle like things that even tasted exactly like noodles… So, I called up the waiter and asked if there has been any mistake but apparently those “noodles” are the crab meat… I couldn’t believe it cause not only did it not look even remotely to the crab meat that I had many years ago when I had to crack open a crab myself, it didn’t even taste like crab and it really tasted like noodles to me… So, when I enquired further, I got informed that what they use is “Crab Sticks” and when I googled about it, I found out that the noodle like look made sense… So, if you are the owner/manager of the restaurant reading this, I’ve got bad news for you… Crab Sticks are not made up of real crab meat… They are imitation crab meat (Don’t believe me? Click here to find out more) with an artificial crab flavour added to it… There are many versions of it and unfortunately none of them use actual Crab meat in it… I think what got served for me was the version where they use wheat flour fillers and hence what I was feeling to be noodles were indeed noodles… 🙂 It is my humble request to stop using this fake crab meat and use real crab meat instead…

Other than the fake crab, the Singapore Chilly Sauce tasted absolutely divine with some strong flavours of soy and chilly along with crispy juliennes of vegetables like carrots, green beans, red cabbage, bell pepper, green-chillies and coriander… Its the perfect sweet and spicy taste that I will definitely like to have again… Since I felt that if I eat the whole thing, I wouldn’t have room for the mains, I just had that bit which was served onto my plate and asked the waiter to pack the rest for home…

So, once that was all done, I got served a fresh plate and along with it the mains… What I got for the mains were their Kway Teow and ofcourse my all time favourite Kung Pao Chicken to go with it… For those who are not aware, the Kway Teow or rather Char Kway Teow is a Malaysian dish, made with thick flat noodle pastry (rice cake strips) stir-fried in high heat in a wok with vegetables (traditionally bean sprouts, Chinese chives and chillies), Soy (both light and dark), Shrimp paste and assortment of seafood… Here, however, they also offer a Vegetarian as well as a Chicken based version of the same… I went for their Seafood variant and that came with some Fish, Crab Stick and Prawns along with an egg in it along with Juliennes of Carrots, Green Beans, Onions, Bell Peppers, Chinese Lettuce and Spring Onion… I have been wanting to try this ever since I saw the old episode of Anthony Bourdain in Penang and hence was incredibly surprised to see it in the menu here as I had been looking for it for years in India… Essentially, Kway Teow is to Malay cuisine what Pad Thai is to the Thai cuisine…

Kway Teow (Seafood) & Kung Pao Chicken

Kway Teow (Seafood) & Kung Pao Chicken

Kway Teow (Seafood)

Kung Pao Chicken

Now coming to the taste, it felt exactly as what I imagined it to be… It can be considered sweet and spicy but indeed mildly with the nice flavour of the sea to it thanks to all the seafood in there which indeed was packed full as can be seen in the up-close pic… Every ingredient in it was cooked perfectly especially with the pieces of fish literally melting in my mouth… I loved it so much that I am looking forward to having it again in my next visit, when it happens…

Now, the Kway Teow was perfectly complemented by the Kung Pao Chicken, although considering the portion sizes, I wished for an option where I could just just the Kung Pao sauce alone without the chicken for it… Its not that there was anything wrong with Kung Pao Chicken, which rather tasted awesome – even better than before, its just that with all the seafood in the Kway Teow, having the chicken pieces felt a bit too much to eat 🙂 That being said, the Kung Pao Chicken was absolutely perfect… Perfectly cooked chicken pieces in the most amazing sauce with Smokey Peanuts and Cashews along with the sweet yet spicy taste of the Schezwan Chillies in it… Compared to last time, I felt that it had a bit more stronger flavours, which is good as I liked this version better, especially with the Kway Teow…

So, altogether yet another glorious meal from the Oriental Spice restaurant… Once again, I still have issue with the portion size… I mean, I could literally eat only 1/4th of what was served and if you’ve seen me personally, you will know why thats a big deal… Other than that, only complaint I have is regarding the use of Crab Sticks instead of real crab meat, which I hope they do make the shift to very soon… 🙂

Oriental Spice – Spicy Chicken Soup, Singapore Chilly Crab, Kway Teow, Kung Pao Chicken Back at Supreme's Oriental Spice restaurant, at Kuravankonam again after a while... Its been more than a month since I've been there and I did end up having a bit of craving for the Kung Pao Chicken...

[thediabeticslut]

Basic Bro | “Thanks for sucking my dick”

dates: 🍦🍦🍦🍦 sex: 🍦🍦 awkward diabetes moment? no (date rating guide here)

choice quote: “How would you rate my dick on a scale of one to five? You know, like a Yelp review.”

~SCROLL DOWN FOR DICK DEETS~ This is just slightly embarrassing to admit, though it shouldn’t be: I’ve never dated or hooked up with anyone I’ve gone to school with. Well, hadn’t ever. The convergence of fatness, depression, awkwardness, shyness, low self-esteem, ssri-induced lack of libido, and diabetes-induced lethargy basically assured that. But now I’m finally back in school, and with weight loss and a dye job, society has finally deemed me attractive and desirable. Super fucked up, right? Alas, here we are. I’d had a crush on Basic Bro since the first day of class. He wore a rad silk bomber jacket (so on-trend!) and spoke up often with a uniquely cool bravado. He seemed smart, engaged, and like he really cared about school - basically, everything you want in a classmate, and also a good deal of what turns me on. One day, I ended up sitting next to him, and he struck up a conversation. The classroom was hot that day, or maybe it was just me. I was only wearing a light flannel, but I was sweating tiny bullets and could feel my face reddening while I prayed that my light layer of makeup could adequately cover the intensifying physiological signs of a developing crush. He spoke smoothly and confidently, and we had one of those oh-so-satisfying whispered conversations, the kind that make you feel like you’re in your own little world, the kind woven with climactic tension. The tension isn’t sexual, and it’s hardly even flirtatious, but it’s enough to leave you smiling and wondering for the rest of the day. “Do you understand what she’s saying?” “Yeah, I think she’s talking about Freudian psychoanalysis.” “Damn, you’re smart, huh?” “Hah! Hardly.” He asked for my number, “Just in case I need to know about, like, class stuff. ‘Cause you seem like you take really good notes.” And indeed, I was left wondering. He did eventually text me, but just about class. But that evolved to larger conversations about school, and then, at his behest, just plain conversation. Yeah... I started to get the sense he might be into me. Of course, I was into him, too, but one of my biggest hesitations was our age difference. I just turned 24, and he’s 20. Or, as he phrased it, “I turn 21 in December.” With younger guys, of course, there’s a greater risk of immaturity, but I didn’t want to make any assumptions. What really held me back was my own shame. I’m a textbook late bloomer, always feeling a bit behind in life, and dating someone younger would feel like proof of that. I’ve internalized the message that women who date younger men are desperate, losers. For what it’s worth, I also judge men who date younger women. I generally follow the half-your-age-plus-seven rule, which tells me that 19 is my lower limit, but that still feels way too young. I decided to proceed with caution and told myself that barring some amazing display of maturity and compatibility on his part, this would just be a hookup. I kept talking to him, but I also kept Tindering in hopes of finding an actual relationship (I know, I know!) Unfortunately, Basic Bro did start to show signs of immaturity. He skips class often - he’s probably only been to half of them, and it’s a once a week class. Then, when I invited him to a study session, he stopped responding to my texts and only got in touch the next day to tell me he’d accidentally slept most of the day. But then, he asked me out... kind of? “hey would you like to hang out sometime? maybe we could study more, or not” I’d figured out by this point that this kid has the mentality of a high schooler. But my crush hadn’t fully faded, and it was high time to hang out with someone I’d met in real life, rather than on a dating app. So I did. DATE 1 He flaked on our first meeting (no surprise there), but we finally met up for pizza last week. Since he almost never comes to class, and since I have a class right after ours, I hadn’t actually talked to him much in person, most of our contact was over text. When he showed up, it was supremely awkward. He didn’t have much to say, so I had to put on my bubbly face and force-feed him conversation. I had to wonder if he was just like this, or if he was nervous because of me. I was pretty positive he was into me, but I wasn’t actually sure whether this was a date. He did pay for the pizza, though, and was awkwardly chivalrous in constantly refilling my water. I guess that’s a sign. When we were done, I asked, “So what do you want to do now?” “Uh, we could walk around and talk, sit on a bench and talk, sit on the grass and talk...” Another sign. We did all three, walking around the local college campus and chatting. We mostly talked about basic things - school, family, interests, life goals. I quickly learned that he’s not the guy I initially saw him as. I don’t know how to put this tactfully, but he’s... simple. I don’t want to call him stupid, but he was very basic in a way I didn’t quite expect. Hence Basic Bro. But that, in a way, emboldened me. My inhibitions were lowered and I was able to be more honest with him since I wasn’t concerned about making a perfect impression or proving myself in any way. We’d spent about 3 hours together and my denim shirt was becoming inadequate for the evening cold. I told him this in hopes he’d put his arm around me, but he didn’t, and it was actually really fucking cold, so I invited him back to my apartment so I could grab a sweater. Of course, I wouldn’t mind if we didn’t go back outside, either... As it turned out, his phone was dead, so I let him charge it, and we just stayed inside. He seemed to be in no hurry to leave, but he didn’t make a move, either. I could have been more forward, but my self-doubt got the better of me. Our time involved a lot of, “So, what do you want to do now?” and I hoped that sitting next to each other on my bed would lead to something, but we just listened to records and played a very ineffective two-person game of Cards Against Humanity. He eventually left, late at night, having done nothing. I was okay with that, though - I think it’s important for me to not give into my impulses and actually get to know people before sleeping with them. I knew I’d see him the next day, anyway. DATE 2 It was 4/20, my favorite tacky holiday and also the day of our midterm. Our class runs from 1:30-4:20, and unfortunately our professor didn’t let us go after the test and lectured right up until the end. I caught up with Basic Bro after class as he was headed to the train, asking if he had 4/20 plans. He said he was probably just going to work on homework, and I said I was going to check out the campus celebration, just on my own. “Hey, actually, do you wanna like, get food or something?” I said sure, or we could smoke and then get food. We headed to the big lawn where everyone was getting high, there was free cotton candy and Krispy Kreme, and Basic Bro and I smoked and had an edible. While we were there, The Korean spotted me and called out my name. He was on a balcony and I was down below, so I didn’t have to see him up close, thank god. Honestly, and this is so rude, but his face repulses me now. I just waved back, “Hey!!” Basic Bro asked, “Who’s that?” “Oh, just a friend I used to work with.” “Are you gonna go say hi?” “Uhhh, haha, I already did, didn’t I?” Since I’m a petty bitch, I hope he was jealous when he saw me looking hot with my strappy bra and cute tacky weed shirt, hanging out with a more attractive guy. I can’t say for sure he felt that way, but he did start watching all my snapchat stories... Basic Bro took me to his favorite Thai place and we scarfed down some larb and pad see ew. Then we went to a bookstore/record shop where he bought some vinyl to christen his new turntable. We picked out some cheap records just based on their covers, including one with a woman riding a horse naked. Prime material for sexual jokes, right? I said, “Oh my god, I have to know what this sounds like,” and he said, “Oh yeah, of course you can listen.” The implication there is that we’d go back to my apartment again, so we did. And once again, it took a million years for him to make a move. We listened to record after record (he bought like 4), watched 3 episodes of The Office, and then, as we lay next to each other, he said, “Hey, can I ask you something? Sorry, this is kind of awkward. Do you like... like me?” What can I even say to that? I’m not interested in dating him and I don’t want him to get that impression. I just said, “Well, what do you think we’re doing here right now?” “Lying next to each other?” “Yeah.” “So what does that mean? Yes?” “Uh... yeah... Can I ask the same of you?” “Uh... yeah...” FINALLY. TIME TO GET DICKED DOWN! We made out and grinded against each other and it was so, so hot. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been deprived, and my last sexual experience was so disappointing, but this shit was amazing. Before we went any further, he told me that he and his girlfriend broke up a few weeks ago, but that he still sees and talks to her. I told him I didn’t care, but I wanted him to take the lead and only do what he’s comfortable with, because I don’t know what the situation is like. He was still pretty passive, though, and I had to be more dominant and directive, which is always annoying. I went down on him and honestly, daaaamn @ that dick. damn. Not huge but probably my ideal size, and thick, too. But because of this, I had trouble with the blowjob, and like so many guys do, he jumped to the face-fucking. He did check in with me throughout about consent, but I had to stop several times because it was getting overwhelming. Then he pulled another super fucking porn-y move and slapped his dick against my face. Maybe I’ve been too socialized to accept this shit, and I probably need to critically examine my place in the world as a sexually active woman, but I didn’t really mind it, at least in terms of sensation. If that’s what he likes, then whatever. I minded much more that it was a porn move, and I bet he doesn’t actually like it that much, he’s probably just emulating what he sees in videos. It’s funny, because in class that day, I saw him reading an article about this very topic - the myths about sex that young people learn from porn. I was getting sick of sucking his dick and wanted to move on to actual sex, but he couldn’t keep it up. I wasted three condoms on him! In all the time we spent together, he kept talking about his struggle to not be seen as a fuckboy, but then he suggested doing it without protection, saying “my ex had an IUD, we were fine” and “if you’ve only slept with a few people you trust, and they haven’t slept with many other people, I don’t see the issue.” Classic fuckboy move. I felt like his mother giving him a lecture about STDs, and how HPV doesn’t show symptoms in men, and why is he so confident that I’m clean, doesn’t he care about himself? Throughout, I could only think: “This fucking high schooler.” So we gave up, turned the lights on, and the first thing out of his dopey mouth is: “Uhhh, thanks for sucking my dick.” “Uh. Yeah. Sure.” And then: “So do girls actually like sucking dick?” This was reminiscent of a question he asked earlier, at lunch. “So, what do chicks, like, talk about?” Memories of all the bawdy, naive, insecure, cocky boys from my high school days came flowing back, making me feel all the dirtier for having hooked up with Basic Bro. I didn’t really know what to say, I mean, what kind of question is that? I just told him, “Uh, I like that the other person enjoys it, that’s what I get out of it. Maybe some people like it, but if most girls actually did, you’d probably see more people deepthroating cucumbers in their spare time.” And as if two incredibly awkward post-sex utterances weren’t enough, he went for a third. Yeah, the one before the cut. “How would you rate my dick on a scale of one to five? You know, like a Yelp review.” He’s probably now in competition with the Bolivian for weirdest things said right after hooking up. Now feeling way too old and done with this shit, I just said, “What the fuck? That’s such a fucking awkward question.” He said, “I know, I know, you don’t have to answer.” At least I had a cop-out: “I mean, I didn’t really experience the full extent of it, so I can’t tell you.” Well... It can only go uphill from here, right?

[opepin]

april: week one

03: i was so tired when i got up... i was pretty ded but i went to work anyway. i was a zombie the entire morning. all four of us met up for lunch at gene’s flatbread and i got lost on the way there LOL. we ate and then i just sat there for a while...my stomach started hurting more after lunch so i planned to leave after stand up. but the day went on and i stayed at work. i spent about 30 - 45 minutes just talking and chilling with steve and cole in their little room :P i was “john” for that brief moment in time and they told me to work at his desk whenever he isn’t there so it could be like good old times ... like a few weeks ago ahahah. we talked about wrestlemania, cars, the ferry, the view here, and also moving to a new office location. it’ll be around july when that happens so we’ll see. i hope we get to get a taste of working there one day. ;P i felt a bit better after that so i went back to my desk and worked until 5 pm. i caught up with phil at the end of the day and then cole and i headed over to cvs. he got pepsi and chocolate and i was going to get body wash but it was marked up by double the price @_@; so i just got the “black currant” pepsi.

i needed to pee but i didn’t because i thought i everyone was going to be on time LOL. but they weren’t so i peed right when we got back to the apartment. well, nluu had trouble finding bike parking, kevin left later than usual, and i think ryan entered the platform on the other side? ahha. we managed to find each other and squeeze on a train. i had to hold on to ryan’s book bag for a while and the guy next to us kept laughing at me. haha. we started making ratatouille right away and it took us a while to cook that and the salmon. the salmon with the butter lemon caper sauce was bombbbb. the ratatouille needed to be cooked for longer (we tweaked the temp and length because we were hungry). after dinner, i was not having it. i had a headache all day so i just gamed a bit and then ko’d on the bed. i woke up to really loud laughter and stuff and i didn’t want to disturb the guys so i got up, brushed my teeth, showered, and then went back to bed. i watched some videos before sleeping but i was still feeling like crap both in the head and stomach areas... i almost forgot to mention that kevin mandolin’ed some of the skin of his thumb T_T he bled a good amount but he’s alright. i think he’s in a bit of shock though...

04: i got a lot of sleep and it was awesome. i woke up without the headache but my stomach still felt iffy. everyone woke up late today. me and kevin worked from home and we’re really tired and burned out so we took it easy today. i had a good small and healthy breakfast. kevin, ryan, and nluu had homemade egg mcmuffins and some pasta?? LOL norman got pasta from fat cat and it was way too much for him to finish. he had to eat all of it before his flight at 3:45 pm today. i had calls from 12 to 2:30 pm so when nluu had to leave, i said goodbye :( it’s okay -- i’ll see him in june! he also did something to our bathroom before leaving, which was LOLOLOLOL. he was quite embarrassed. anyway, ryan drove nluu to the airport with my car after the guys played a bit of pool. i was pretty productive for the rest of the day. kevin and i worked while they were gone and got a good amount of work done.

i played ‘bravely default’ for the rest of the day basically LOL. i was such a bum. my stomach is not doing so well and my body is reacting to it so i just skipped my work out. OH, my fitbit is coming in on saturday so i’ll for sure be back on track by then! i stopped logging my food and exercise in myfitnesspal so i can transition easier. i don’t need to hold my phone to keep track of my steps anymore! we made shrimp vermicelli for dinner and watched some dave chappelle. then the guys played steam games for the rest of the night. ryan just stayed in and did some apartment hunting. i’m wishing him the best of luck! :) yeah, it was a rainy and chill day from inside the apartment for all of us.

05: lol kevin worked from home again. everyone got so much sleep. i washed all of the dishes from last night x__x and then made myself pb and banana english muffins. it was another chill af day from home. ryan and kevin rq’d the lobster rolls for dinner because we didn’t have brioche buns and we had a lot of leftovers and yeahh.... so we’re planning on making a make-shift dinner. i did some recording and kevin took a break and played a few games of overwatch while i was recording so he basically ruined two of the videos and i spent the rest of the day past 6 pm fixing them. -__- you have no idea how fucking pissed i was. i understand that he has to do his own thing but he wasn’t doing work -- he was playing games and that caused me to have to voiceover basically everything. ugh. kevin basically ignored me for the rest of the day and just spent his time with ryan.

i did a 45 minute workout and my body feels so weak after not working out for 2 days T_T then i took a nice long shower and ate some dinner. ryan bought us cupcakes and sadly, the strawberry cheesecake one was my favorite but eating any more than a few bites would have destroyed my stomach. i watched the latest episode of ‘reign’ and then everyone headed into our room to watch kevin game. well, it turned into me and ryan watching an old episode of ‘the taste’ and i think he likes the structure of the show. i’m so sad it got taken off the air though ;( i brushed my teeth and then went to sleep. i gamed a bit before going to sleep. i’m becoming too obsessed with the different classes and figuring out which ones are the best for each character @_@

06: it was a lot harder to get up than i thought. i’ve been getting a lot of sleep but it was just hard to get up. i got on the train just in time and then got to work -- it was nice seeing everyone again! steve, cole, charles, joe, and i walked over to the south station plaza area to get tenoch mexican. cole keeps going on and on about it, but guess what? the truck wasn’t there today LOL. we walked in the cold rainy weather just to find that out. so we just got food from bon me and walked back. bon me’s thai iced tea tastes interesting... i think it needs to be creamier/sweeter but it was still good. i got the pulled pork miso banh mi and it was soooo yummy -- not too salty. i ate all of it for lunch! :O i was getting full 2/3 of the way down though. it was a super productive day and then i stopped working at around 4:45 pm and then talked with steve and cole. i walked with cole to south station and then i waited for kevin. we got on and talked a bit. then we got back, i told ryan that we didn’t get tenoch LOL and then the guys played some ‘hollow knight’ while i played some bravely default. 

then they stopped, snacked, and went climbing and i continued playing until i needed to bake the chicken and exercise. i managed to do additional back and arm exercises after my dance cardio, take out the chicken, put away my gym stuff, put chicken nuggets in the oven, shower in 12 minutes, cool off the nuggets, and then wash dishes before ryan and kevin got back. woot! ryan showered, kevin started cooking chinese broccoli in a cool way and then we ate dinner. then they we all game some more until 1 or 2 am. gg ryan because he had to get up at 4 am. we left him alone, gamed a bit more in bed and went to sleep.

07: yeah, this week was real tiring for both of us. i worked from home and i didn’t feel quite motivated today, but i did work :) in bravely default, i restarted twice to beat qada because he annoyed the heck out of me. i wanted to kill him in the best way possible >:D anyway, it was beautiful outside too. it was one of those warm days where you just want to laze around outside. i did manage to record 2 videos and then got caught up in a really long stand up. kevin got back home and we actually drove to target so i could get some body wash. it was a nice day but it got colder and darker. oh well. we stopped by brookstone to try out their massage chairs -- i think kevin really wants one in the future. the one i tried didn’t fit my body correctly so the massage experience was weird. i found the new duo loofah body wash thing and decided to give it a try along with the raw sugar brand vivian suggested. 

we checked out and then headed back to brookstone to get a bit more massage in (for kevin) and then we stopped by auntie anne’s for pretzel nuggets. mmm i forgot how good their og pretzels were. kevin got the honey mustard dip and i fed him all the way back home. when we got back, we just gamed and chilled. i talked with kevin about work and it was nice just to do that while he listened. i watched him play hollow knight and played some bravely default. we ate leftovers for dinner and watched the newest episode of ‘supernatural.’ it felt weird without norman and ryan here. it was weird going back to our routine. it was nice though. we did manage to go to sleep at around 1 or 2 am after gaming a lot. what a nice day.

08: we got out of bed with just enough time to make breakfast, for me to curl my hair, to change, and get to rock spot climbing 5 minutes before the rec divisions’ prep. i met kevin’s co-worker, matt and his girlfriend, megan (sp?). i was tasked with recording and taking photos of kevin. it was hard at first but then i just took off my shoes and started following him while trying not to get in anybody’s way. i didn’t think there would be so many people there and so many people competing. @_@; the way the competition worked is that participants shopped for problems they wanted to do and each problem was assigned an amount of points depending on how hard it was. participants could try as many times as they want but attempts would be recorded and then when they completed a problem, they got the initials of the person manning that problem. so it was a lot of waiting in line and seeing people try again.

kevin did a good job! he got a problem that was craaazzy. it’s a good thing i had my state backpack because i stuck my shoes in there, i had two water bottles for kevin, and i brought kevin’s free stuff in there too. it was so handy! we met up with matt and megan before the competition ended, watched them do some problems and then we all headed to moonshine 152 to get lunch. kevin suggested it and i’m glad he did. i got he crabby eggs benedict with a mixed sweet iced tea and kevin got the french toast sticks and poutine. the eggs benedict was DELICIOUS. the poutine’s tater tots were the crispiest and most delicious things ever. the french toast sticks were aiight -- a bit too sweet. kevin and i had some of matt’s bloody mary and it was pretty good! matt said it was one of the best ones he had so it was a good time to try. it was savory and tasted like a meal... like blended hot cheeto puffs haha. we talked about restaurants, food, etc. it was fun.

we walked back to check the results and both of them were pretty high up there but didn’t make it. kevin didn’t really want to make it tbh because he was tired. we parted ways with matt and megan and then kevin drove us back. i picked up my fitbit! it’s so beautiful! i set it up and played around with it for a bit. then we spent the rest of the day gaming. he played hollow knight and i played bravely default. we ate chicken nuggets and then ate fried rice for dinner. we finished watching season 3 of ‘how to get away with murder’ @_@ omggg, too many plot twists. i don’t know if i want to keep watching this show. we basically stayed up until 3 or 4 am...haha...

09: we got out of bed at 12 pm but we both woke up at around 10:30 or 11 am. i watched youtube videos in bed while kevin played pokemon. then kevin made us egg mcmuffins and i microwaved the leftover fried rice. we ate brunch and then we headed out to our massage at the thai wellness center! it took them a bit to get to us but the massage was great. it was as great as last time and i can say that this is now my favorite place <3 she got into my back, shoulders, and neck, AND my feet. the circulation in my feet has gotten worse and it is a bit concerning so the massage helped but i’m planning on seeing a doctor about this. anyway, kevin had a great time too and after our massage, we booked our next one ;D we also added on the steam room! i’m so excited for next month already ahah.

we drove back to the apartment, kevin gamed, and i found out that someone stole my credit card information and bought airplane tickets for united. so i spent 30 minutes or so trying to get a hold of chase customer service for my credit card. no where on their website or any forum, does it say how to get a hold of one. if you call the number on the back or the numbers on the website, you just get automated messages. kevin figured out that you had to press 0 for the operator -__-” wtf. i asked the customer service rep and he said to press 0 twice to get connected. wtf. anyway, i reported fraud and then kevin and planned our meals and went grocery shopping.

we went to kam man, roche bros, and bj’s. we were so tired and hungry after. lol, kevin thought i was going to pass out or something and he called me super weird. kevin took someone else’s cart in bj’s and when he returned it, the guy stared and him and made an angry hand motion -- we were both not on our grocery shopping game LOL. we got everything and then got back, i started cleaning the apartment, kevin washed the dishes and put away the groceries, and i then i had some downtime and did some “me time” things like journaling and catching up on my tumblr haha. i called my mom and she got sick from the weather change :( then i did some exercise to see how well the alta catches aerobics’ data. it does pretty well! we ate cashew chicken and it was delicious (minus the cashews because i hate cashews T_T) and chinese broccoli for dinner. then i folded the laundry and tried exercising a bit more but it was so tired from the massage and cleaning so i showered, brushed my teeth, and ko’d at around 1 am. zzz. kevin stayed up for a bit playing games.

[remembermemorablememories]

Monday, March 26, 2018

post #77

main points:

- CSDS discussion/office hours

- crypto class

- lunch at GSU

- housing selection

- mobile app dev studying

- OW meeting/workshop run through

- more mobile app dev studying

today i:

- woke up at 10:30am. i snoozed my alarm for a bit then made a pb&j sandwich. then i bounced at 11:15am, when discussion normally starts. our TF was just hosting office hours instead so no rush.

i got there around 11:30am, and there was no one else there. i was able to ask him questions about the concurrent test since that was the next test i was unable to pass. but while i was showing him my code, i noticed a lot of old code was showing up. it must’ve been because i tried to merge some older commits from last night. we went through the logic of my code though and he said it should be okay. maybe just where i’m putting locks (like when calling Start() from the KV Raft, i don’t need locks). i reset my code before the merge, made that change, and it worked!! i was pretty happy. 2 out of 12 test cases passed

- walked over to crypto around 12:17pm, got there like 10 minutes late. we have a midterm next monday. gotta start studying for that. we went over diffie hellman key exchange and asymmetric encryption in general. zoned out a bit and finished my CSDS reading assessment on bitcoin

- went to GSU to eat with brian, mark, tyrone, ryan and alex

tyrone brian, ryan i walked back towards west. my housing selection was at 2:55pm, and we weren’t close enough to my apt so me tyrone and brian just stopped at stuvi2 to pick. we were so shocked all our top options were picked, filled, or not all rooms were available. and i had a really good housing number around 1000. dang... so we got something decent in south. not the best but not the worst

- got back to my apt around 3:30pm. studied with dimitri while tyrone was hanging out doing his own hw. dimitri and i went through all of our homework apps and in class apps that we made. covering some topics here and there as well, finishing around 6pm. then dimitri took the lead as chef for making some coconut thai curry. i helped cut some carrots and sweet potatoes. dimitri had a bunch of ingredients he needed to finish or else they’d go bad. cause he’s gonna be gone in europe for the next week.

we finished making it around 7:20pm. brian came over to eat too and we watched an episode of the office. we watched S5E1 the weight loss episode part one. 

- went to OW meeting around 7:55pm. before the meeting began, sarah came up to me and asked me about singapore cause she was really interested in doing it her junior year. i was super excited and happy to tell her about the random stuff there. i wasn’t really sure what specifically but told her about the malls, the classes i took, the traveling, and just yeah.. i miss singapore

during the meeting, me milan and sameer ran through our demos real quick at the beginning. i showed the ray wenderlich tutorial messaging app that i followed to get a better understanding of firebase. 

the three of us branched off to go to the room next door while everyone else had their demo expos. we went through the workshop contents from 9-10pm. it was a bit messy but we ironed out some of the details at least. i think neither of them were able to prepare too much because they’re busy students (milan has 3 midterms this week), but i genuinely believe they’ll be ready by this saturday for the workshop. we’ll see how it goes!

- came back around 10:30pm. took a shower, made some oatmeal, and brainstormed with dimitri the rest of the cheat sheet. he already made most of it from our study guide notes while i was at OW. so when i got back, he decided to go through the MC questions and i added important code snippets. 

- then we talked about singapore when we were abroad, reminiscing about when we met each other, the lack of our program’s coordination to help us meet each other before starting but somehow we still got lucky that we all met each other and happened to go to the same school, traveling, experiences living abroad in the humid heat in singapore, our friend group from abroad, future plans after graduation; it was a fun conversation :)  we did this while we were washing up another batch of dishes from the thai curry dinner

- then we formatted our cheat sheet to fit onto two pages, brushed my teeth, now i’m typing this in bed. it’s 1:10am. time 2 sleep

good night