#i think thats who helped rip
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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did you see lundy and mikksi cuddling during one of the scrums ❤️🇫🇮
i feel as though it would be a diservice to call lundy trying to get his dog-reactive pyrs to not bite the rowdy redbone hound at the dog park "cuddling" but yeah i mean i guess we can call it that 😭😭
he was fighting for his life and its utterly laughable that it was lundy of all people who had to hold mikksy back from taking a stupid penalty like oh girl take a look in the mirror first
#ask#much joy in the finnish hoedown throwdown at the flyers game#i just think mikksy has it out for tk and thats funny to me like oh another feusty brunette that sucks to play against?#where have i heard that before...#rip to coots though he has to scrum in tks honour whos trying to get his licks from any finn he can#i think its so funny how much lundy tends to always waddle behind mikksy like a mother hen#oh you have to take your coffee heres your coffee oh dont fight rn in a close game we cant afford the penalty-#lundy called mikksy the big brother of the finns and yet the actual big brother of the family is showing his true colours#mr. i punched a pred in preseason and i punched tanger in a chippy game. having to hold back mikksy. truly comedic.#feisty finns#honourable mention lundy trying to stop mikksy but helping luosty go after flyers#lundy helps luosty hide the body but prevents mikksy from acquiring said body
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It's such a horrible time for me to be exploring my love for fashion when the trend right now is colorless basic asylum aesthetic 😭😭 You can't even wear something with a bit of color without people making fun of you, and YET basic people have the gal to act like they are the ones being oppressed saying "Everyones trying to be unique nowadays! I love being basic so I don't have to impress everyone!☺️☺️☺️"
First of all not everyone's trying to dress up to impress everyone. I'm sorry that I actually just want to express myself while YOU only follow trends. Being basic is literally the socially acceptable norm that was imposed on a lot of people. I HATE THIS SOCIETYYY
#personal#rip me who loves colors I am my own strongest soldier#people who love fashion bc it helps them express themselves bc they know what its like to be deprived of that (me)#rather than only following trends are the REAL ONES#(me)#ok look i own a lot of neutral colors too#but just bc its the most popular style rn DOESNT MEAN ITS SUPERIOR#people who think neutrals are the only superior aesthetic BOOOOO#im gatekeeping fashion from you 🙄#'but unni ur clothes are kinda basic too' yeah but the bar is low here people think im already weird#sorry for the unhinged rant lol I just need to be petty#me speaks#yes this is about mina les newest video to be fair her video isnt bad and she makes a good point#but also#just let me be petty for a bit okay#people are suddenly going im tired of following trends being minimalist is the real me!#as if that isnt a trend itself…#im not saying trends are bad but like at least learn to think about ur fashion inward about what u RLLY like#dont make trends ur entire personality#ALSO idk why people are suddenly realizing that you can reserve simple clothes for most days and special clothes for special days#I thought everyon does that...? or am I normal#it doesnt mean ur personal style is suddenly dead#even the most flamboyant person will have days where they wear t shirt and shorts and thats NORMAL
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think it's crazy that cloud was convinced that he wasn't a real person sometimes,, like shinra and sephiroth fucked him up so badly that the end product was a mentally broken cloud who genuinely believed he was never real and just essentially a lab experiment like how badly you got fuck with someone mentally to get them to that point man
#ff7#not rebirth spoilers only OG for now tee hee#sorry this thought came from thinking about cloud and his mental state too long#like he was a child solider when his life was ripped from him#like thats fuckikg heartbreaking 5 years of his life were just taken from him like that#i cannot imagine being 16 and then waking up and suddenly being 21 and in a new city thats owned by the shitty company that screwed you over#do u guys think cloud freaked out at any point alone#like maybe after getting his own apartment with tifas help#he tries recalling what even happen and he cant because those 5 years are just a messy blur#and then getting random headaches and visions of the dude who burned your home out of no where#if I was cloud I'd have lost it in midgar i wouldnt need no northern crater LMAO#my post
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i want to rb everyones art that i missed while i was away but every time i go to do so or just try to make any post here in general i start feeling like i'm really irritating to everyone or doing smth wrong so i get scared and delete the draft fsdjkl
i love everyones art that i've seen though and im sure i will love the art i have yet to see, and eventually once i manage to fix my brain then i will make sure i rb and throw confetti on everyones art !!!! you are all genuinely such cool people and i love seeing everybody's posts and creations :]
#being stuck with zero alone time for 11 days straight in a truck and trailer with people who hate your existence will rly mess u up fdsjkl#every time i opened my mouth i'd have them acting like i was incredibly irritating or difficult to be around#i think thats the least i've spoken in that length of time like... ever. honestly kind of impressive for me fdsjkl#anyways. all that being said... i am having a difficult time remembering not everyone feels that way about me RIP sdfjkl#i have a counseling appt tomorrow so we'll see if she's at all helpful for this and if not then i'll just have to keep trying to fix myself#i dont want to like... ask for validation or reassurance though and i dont have much for social connections. so this is going to be tricky#however! it will all get figured out in the end! it always does fdskl just takes me a while to sort it out and find a way through#okay i need to just hit post bc i've spent literally 20 mins writing and rewriting everything here LMAO i need to move onto other things#dandy.cmd
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processed some trauma i think
#i did a lot of things very wrong when i was a teenager but also i was a teenager and everything was difficult#i feel bad for how i ended some of my friendships over the years bc it was often like.#they were clearly struggling. something was deeply wrong with all of my friends home lives. deadly serious things. molestation abuse etc#but when i was 14-16 that was extremely difficult for me to contextualize. i knew it was bad of course i wasnt stupid#it was more just. i didnt have the life experience to know just How Much it affected a person.#that type of shit can obliterate healthy functioning adults. the type of behavior it invokes in teens can be fucking UNPARALLELED#it affects your entire brain and body. i dont think theres a single part of you thats left completely undamaged.#in retrospect i now recognize that there was more i could've done. i could've talked to my parents more and i really dont know why I didnt.#i think I just felt like nothing could be done?#and there probably wasnt much that could be done#but idk. it could've helped me process it which could've helped them process it.#and as important as i think compassion is. even towards people who can be viscerally unpleasant. i was a kid. not a social worker#it was the responsibility of the adults around us to make it better. and they either failed or made it worse.#it's just awful to think back on it and realize that we were all in this shit together. but the trauma ripped us apart anyway.#i really sincerely hope everyone from those dA chatroom days are doing better now. i hope they're safe. i hope they're not dead.#it's always going to bother me a little bit that i have no way of knowing what happened to any of them.
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tbh i think that the "is ai generated content art" argument is roughly the same as "is Duchamp's Fountain art". i think that the argument of if its art is what makes it art, because it is invoking some kind of feeling. starting a conversation. if that makes sense?
that being said, absolutely there is a time and a place for it (ie not replacing the work of paid artists). and it should only be trained on artsts who have consented to it.
i dont want to read fiction made by ai bc if you didn't take the time to write something, why should i take the time to read it? and for non fiction, it'll be riddled with incorrect facts because an algorithm "decided" that this word is the most likely to go next in the sentence based on what it's database says, even if its factually incorrect.
one of my favorite pieces of art is an ai image that was sent to a company that makes paint-by-numbers, and then filled out by a person. the artist, tumblr user rigatonidanza, asks "is this art? at what point does it become art? can it never be art because its ai, or because its paint by numbers? is it art because it elicits a response from the viewer?"
the point of art is to make you think, and to make you feel. does it stop being art if its not made by human hands, the way algorithmically generated images are? is it not art if its something mass produced, made for intentions other than what the artist uses it for, like Fountain? even if looking at it makes you feel something? anything? even if that "something" is a negative emotion?
all that said. if you use generative algorithms as an excuse to not pay real artists, you are a human tar pit. may you always immedeatly stub your toe after it stops hurting from the last time you stubbed it.
#yes i am fully aware of exactly how pretentious this sounds#i think generative algorithms are a tool. one thats being severly missused every day. but still a tool#also ngl i do like the ai->paint by numbers bc the image tumblr user rigatonidanza chose for it is kinda funny as hell#but thats not the point here. maybe it is though bc thats Another Emotion#ALSO. THIS IS BY NO MEANS ME SAYING I SUPPORT GENORATIVE ALGORITHMS AS A CONCEPT.#my last boss used algorithms to make art even though *he had a human artist on his payroll* & i wanted to rip his face off like a chimpanze#he also encouraged me to steal 3d assets for the game he wanted me to help him make. genuinely all around kinda a scumbag lol#@ any and all techbros who may see this: i hate you i hate you i hate you ihate you i hate you#also: images generated from algorithms being art does Not mean that i like it. theres very few ai images i actually like
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watching Nishitani's death scene always leaves me devastated. like noooo king you can't die you haven't gotten your rocks off in a decent fight yet
#jokes aside the first time i saw that scene I wasn't ready for it. he's such an earnest guy who embodies this wild persona fully ->#and when the audience may believe he'll go wild again or pull some shit to save himself what does he do?#he tries to run for his uncle and shields Majima from the bullets.#he didn't have to give up his life but he saw something in Majima that he wanted to protect. a reflection maybe.#that line he says about “why couldn't we have met earlier” and chiding himself for being sentimental... goddd i need more of him#it makes me wonder specifically what he would think of the Mad Dog persona.#would he be proud that Majima took after him? glad to have someone that understands?#or perhaps downtrodden that Majima could follow his direct footsteps into an early grave himself?#i mean we've seen Majima throw himself into situations where he could die any minute. its not wrong to say its a miracle he's gonna see 60#but is that also something he learned from Nishitani? that he can sacrifice himself if it means the ones he loves will thrive?#ughhhh mr nishitani i miss your silly ass... literally altered Majima's brain chemistry that day in the jail cell....#also not to be too theorist or anything but like. i wonder if anyone tried to get Nishitani help or if they let him die.#bc his men were in the (unlocked) cell with him; one of them could have run for help or a medic even if it was too late#but would he want that? or would he have wanted to be left in peace with his only family member- dead by association with him?#grrrr i need more info on him..... but at the same time i love that they left him fairly vague...#we get just the hint of his attitude being a persona and thats it.... GOD i need to rip something up im consumed with blorbo thoughts#nishitani homare#bulletin board
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! Maybe i'm not that well mentally as i thought huh
#getting jealous about stupid shit io gmtkri someone shot me#well i think is related with the thing “i dont like when other ppl enjoy the stuff that i like”#jealousy leadingto anger not sadness#i wamna rip something with my hands and teeth#i dont wanna see that shiiiiittttt#but i know im being irrational#i just need to make up my mind#but i guess the who the person is doesnt help either#aa#THATS MINE GET OUT OF HERE#💥💥💥💥💥💥#IUUHGGH
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crying at work today bc i had a sudden realization about tenshi as i was retranslating aru sekai shoushitsu. noticed the word saisei used in both songs and had a thought. like. the whole rebirth type theme really does tie to her. its not just the umareyou mou ichido melody as lyrics at the end of the song its in the other lyrics as well its in the first ou line in aru sekai shoushitsu. she has something to do with this. so say she is the reason they get second chances. we also now get to answer the other question i had, which is if the other's are people and they can lose that and therefore no longer repeat, does tenshi have something to lose? and i dont like the answer i got. shoushitsu calls it a "major sin" and since she's an angel naturally theres going to be a punishment for that. we know the song starts with rain, and rain is our symbol for this whole calamity, both end and beginning of it, but it doesnt end with rain. it ends with the motif. it ends with the world going dark. at first i thought u know well yeah if u die in one world its going to go dark before u wake up in another. but i think this is different now. & i draw ur attention to the art again. the umbrella- she was a safeguard, but theres nothing left to it now. its useless essentially. shes sitting not standing, shes not fighting anymore. shes crying but she's also smiling- like shes made a decision she doesnt like, but shes sure of. i think she self sacrificed for them. she wanted to help, to give them a chance, but in doing so she passed limits she wasnt supposed to (similar to what happens in laboratory but more specific to her).
#aru sekai series#CAN I PLEASE HAVE ONE. O N E FAVE CHARACTER WHO LIVES. IN FUCKING ANYTHING#u dont understand this hit me in the MIDDLE of my shift and i immediately teared up#i love how im never right about her character but everything i discover something closer to the truth my opinion on her never changes#i dont believe in unconditional love but this might be the closest to it#I KNEW SHE WANTED TO HELP BUT IT WAS MUCH MORE TOLERABLE WHEN I THOUGHT SHE JUST. COULDNT.#THATS THERE WAS SOME BARRIER THAT STOPPED HER#but to think it could be. that nothing else worked. so she gave herself up.#i love walking into the end of the world series and being surprised when my heart gets ripped out#i dont think theres a single song in this series that doesnt give me a crisis when i actually think about it#i still have no idea how shes connected to apoptosis chara. but if their relationship is not causing problems for each other then What#i WILL find out#also spoilers but the secondary parts of the ou lines in shoushitsu are 100% referring to apoptosis#also hit me like a brick today#im back only to say this bc i already bothered emimin all day about it but i still havent processed it & need to yell about it
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people will be so terminally jealous of you that they’d rather you reexperience your trauma but somehow in a worse way than just let you live your regular happy life as it has been
#sorry i had privilege over you- real or imagined- but it is what it is#and taking it out on me instead of oh idk. the polticians who are to blame for your shitty situation. isnt gonna make your life any better.#i kinda have no control over your life and its actually not my personal job to give you shit#especially since you're a skeevy fuck who cant be honest about your wants needs and intentions and just pretend to be certain ways#so people stay around you and you get the beenfit of community rather than be the real skeevy fuck you are#like damn maybe if you were real i coulda helped you and we didnt have to go through all of this bs of you pretending you like me#just to get shit out of me#you saw how i looked. you saw how i express myself. you saw my confidence. and you did this out of some weird rageful jealousy#and then once you found out how bullied i was. suddenly im nothing. suddenly all the things you envied so deeply that you have to pretend#i dont exist and im not the reason you draw the way you do now. suddenly im nothing. in spite of apparently being the thing that made you#want to draw again anyways.#you really really do value might makes right even if you dont think you do. like if me being bullied is enough for you to decide im nothing#and you gotta go faun after my bullies then like idk what to tell you duder but thats might makes right lmao#how can i go from being *the sun* to you. from being all of your favorite ocs. to being absolutely nothing short of you having some deep#shame about me now that you know all the shit ppl put me through in hs?#i mean aside from all the shit you made up about me- lets put a pin in that right now okay- bc this is the real reason#lets be honest here.#and yet i know.#deep down. you still kinda envy me. because imma be myself no matter what any of yall do#and thats something you cant do ever. rip off your mask.
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NEFERTARI D LILY WHAT AN ICON
#LITTLE ACE AAAAAAHHHH😭😭😭😭😭#AND D LORE!!!!!!#the poneglyphs were unleashed (?) by queen lily and they are key to the dawn.... thank you cobra damn rip#he should have said i count on you saDbo#WAPOL????? AJDJAKWNSISJSKSNSKSNSL THATS WHY NEWS MORGAN TOOK HIM IN TOO AKDHAKDJKS#WAPOL EAT MARIEGEOISE#kalifa and vivi... here come the scissor sisters#leo and sai representing the strawhats in mariegeoise is big lmao aidjsksjkq#FUJITORA HELPS FREE THE SLAVES AND FIGHTS RYOKUGYU???#wapol ate vivi??? ajdhaksjsk#incredible episode... cobra died and this lore is so important actually. and wapol saw it all ate 84 walls and got vivi and ran away#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1119#also the thing where the throne is put is the same red color as the road poneglyphs..... what if that is the last one....#idk how roger got there but maybe it was put there after that#also roger discovering what everything meant but knowing he wouldnt live to see it because the ancestral weapons and joyboy werent even born#so he gets himself executed and creates the pirate era in hopes there will be people to follow his steps... damn#i have always wondered why he had ace when he knew he would die and maybe rouge too but i think he hoped that the one would be his son....#yeah that might be it...... but THE MARINES AND GARP!!! HAD TO FUCK IT UUUUP!!!#like how did they knew who ace was i have to point fingers.... garp is the only one who knew kadjkajsla#blackbeard fucked it up too but alas
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Shout out to me who resisted the urge to bring up something only marginally related and derailing to the sad topic my coworker was talking about
What an annoying fucking brain thing to have 🙃
#this is not a coworker who would have accepted the relatement especially with this topic#she was talking about a family dog who was put to sleep yesterday which is understandablely upsetting#and i feel that#and also tho as shes talking my brain wants me to interject with what feels like relatable sort of antidotes which are not as sad#and its just not the time or place but it was honestly so hard and i feel like it shouldnt have been#regardless if she reacted fine in the moment if i brought any of the things my brain stattes thinking of up#she would have been so so pissed about it#all of this rambling feels rude rip#dont mind me#tag rambles#i dont mean to be rude about it because it sucks ass#i just by nature connect it to other experiences and like to share those and sometimes thats not appropriate but that doesnt mean that#i can just stop the thinking about it even if i dont say it#idk where im going with these tags#its really not helped by the fact that i really domt wanna be here and the more i type the less im mentally present here i guess soooo
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Oopsie doopsie slips and makes another batch of side characters their own story in which they're the main characters
#rat rambles#oc posting#its the rest of the guys who were stuck in the lab with applebounce and pent before they all escaped#I havent talked abt literally any of them but they do exist and they're getting a story now cause I have Ideas#mostly involving some mind fuckery with the black good tee em#basically a mix of worldbuilding with the goop and mind fuckery with the gang but mostly the main character cause theyre having a time#Ive just been lsitening to the subway midnight trailer song and thinking abt them very hard#long long story short there used to be a society of folk who were mostly made of the life goop (similar to ari) but after cake got an#interest in the substance soon after his squad did their coup he basically got the place wiped out so he could use it as a goop source#but after a while he found out how to produce it in more convenient locations plus that goop was totally haunted so he abandoned it#the main gang of this story after having escaped the lab were looking for a place to stay after leaving and felt themselves inexplicably#drawn to this place and ended up getting stuck there rip#mostly because the place is trying very hard to keep everyone in it alive but is failing since the old dead ppl dont have bodies anymore#so in its desperation to revive them they drew in the nearest bodies it could detect that had ties to it#but since the gang arent full goop they kind of got split into two separate beings kind of#and by that I mean more so they had their memories and shit split from them but said memories cant exist fully alone#so they kind of just go through set routines and only interact with things that can fit into said routines#thats the messy bad way of explaining it but yeah#the main character is basically just going around finding the ppl they came here with and helping them find their lost memories#all while being haunted by seemingly hundreds of their own#this is all still in the brainstorming phase tho so expect all of this to be fleshed out more in the future#Ill need to work on drawing the main cast to show yall once I finish my current commission 👍
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wow i woke up this morning and started just yelling about like 10 years of built up emotions about my parent's gambling addiction
#it honestly feels like there was blindfold over my eyes that was violent ripped off my head and now im just stuck seeing all the bs#its like im 14k in debt thats growing interest surrounded by my shit head parents who literally put me in this financial situation#and like they refuse to help me cause im an “adult” when most of the debt i have is from THEM!!!!!#they would make me give them cash so there wouldnt be a trasnfer thimg on my account and i couldnt legally do anything to get my money back#which obviously i was like 14-20 years old like how would i know my parents are financially harming me then and like super denial#who wants to acknowledge that your parent is an addict and that theyre manipulating you into enabling them at that age#like that shit feels genuinely so terrible and i genuinely want to kms like everytime i think about it its so genuinely painful to me#and just i am mad my other parent wont stand up for me like they divorced cause 30k went missing and like they got back together#i did finally tell my other parent about how much they took from me and like my other parent straight up said i dont care so theres that#14k of debt half of which shouldnt even be mine its in fact money they “promised” to pay back
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We're missing the potential of a Dellamorte reunion after Rook gets taken to the Fade. It's been a week and a half, and Lucanis hasn't slept in three days. Lace is dead, Taash is perhaps the only person more catatonic than he is, Emmrich and Neve have come up with an insane plan to recreate Solas's dagger to give them a chance at ripping open the Fade to find Rook, and Davrin refuses to listen to any word that Rook might not be coming back, the only thing keeping Lucanis alive is Spite. So one night, Spite takes him to the only person other than Rook who can help.
It's not Neve, because Neve is busy with a case: getting Rook out of the Fade, so she and Emmrich are so consumed none of the others have been able to get them to even eat. No, it's not Neve, Lucanis finally collapses from exhaustion on Rook's sofa after being less than useless(or thats how he feels) to everyone for a week, and he wakes up with his hand on the knocker of Viago's door.
For a moment, he thinks about just jumping into one of the canals, but then he knocks, and Viago opens in his dressing gown.
"Lucanis?"
"I need to talk to Illario."
And Illario is grumbling about being woken up in the middle of the night, but then he sees his cousin, no his brother's face, and suddenly the last twenty years haven't happened. Suddenly they're kids again, and they've snuck into the villa kitchens after a particularly brutal training day with Caterina, and both of them are hurt and exhausted and hopeless but at least they have each other.
"Lucanis?"
"She's gone, Illario. I lost her. And I never told her I love her."
#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#maybe im delusional about them#but they do still love each other I'm sure#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#rookanis#rook x lucanis#veilguard rewrite#veilguard headcanons
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