#i think thats the most weve talked since i started

[miesozernacma]

how can one go about a friend breakup?

asking for a friend

[radioroxx]

THE. ISAFRIN KIDS I MENTIONED. shared little ocs of my mutuals server <3 love u collection muah muah im not tagging everyone in this tho

other doodles plus some rambling below vvv

- aurore(she/they) and philémon (he/him). they have their own nicknames etc because Who Are Isa and Sif Without Nicknames but. éile is much much more partial to use his than aurore. for her its, every now and then. for him its most of the time (like how bonnie goes by bonnie and not boniface)

- i dont remember how why we started making fankids but i do remember very early on in the conversation discussing the idea of wish kids. think that one fankid meme with the baby descending from the sky. thats a wish kid

- there are. a lot a lot of silly goofy ideas weve come up with for them (such as: isa being Not very good at hair and embarrassing himself trying to help out), but i think my brain would explode trying to remember it all lol. and type it out. feel free to ask ques abt them tho :)

- one thing we did talk about a bunch is! how siffrins background would play into it. having kids + starting a family with isabeau,, maybe feeling guilty over the culture they arent able to share. to make up for it! they! do what they can!!

theres no way to know for sure for sure if siffrins cloak is a island thing. or a family tradition. or just Something his parents did. regardless they would want to do the same for their own children! isa already makes tons and tons of outfits for em (you could imagine lol), so of course he has no issue helping out sif in this new project. (they got to help put with the design of their own cloaks though! for preference)

another thing siffrin wants to share with them is. easily. stars! the stars are something siffrin grew up knowing to be important (or well, he assumes so). so thats something they would want to share too :). maybe he cant remember their names, or constellations, or what any of it Means,, but they can still teach the science behind it! which is also very interesting!! the kinda stuff the kids would take to school the next day to impress other kids with lol

(i also just wanted an excuse to draw the family together,, can u blame me….)

- we also discussed. hypothetically if loop is still around by this point. their own feelings in this situation. its been years since the time loops were broken- years for loop to come to terms with, and mourn, etc. even still theres that feeling of bitterness that lingers, knowing they couldve had this. this couldve been them-

but also its. its hard to be angsty and upset around little kids. ehe

(we joked about loop becoming an awesome babysitter. the kids love them very much.)

ok thats all ur getting for now fjkd again feel free to ask questions weve been a little insane since yesterday

[stitchwraith-stingers]

autistic hazel headcanons because i lost my last post

spoke really late, around 5 years old, since then she hasnt stopped talking, god speed

i shouldnt have to say itsince its so obvious in the show but geology special interest..... i like to imagine she has various really niche hyperfixations (like her hat thing going on) one day she could just pop up next to you and go btw did u know that birds r crazy cool and then the next month shes talking about furneture

and to add to that, it all started when her family went onto some museum exibit and her brother was like ohh rocks r so strange and explained whatever he learned in the...... 8th grade i cant count about them and from that day on

no idea where to put this but she has had bad sleeping problems since forever . she lives off 2 hours of sleep baybe and they r heavenlyyyy... unrelated but the nightmare haver...

not really much sensory issues going on, but she perfers lights off in her room if shes able to

she doesnt like alot of different fabric textures, silk is a 100% no-go for her, she sticks with wool

doesnt like soft fruit (bananas, strawbarries, mangoes, blueberries) and doesnt like most nuts

would hide in the janitors closet when she has a meltdown / shutdown, everyone in the school just kinda accepts it now and always know shes there since where else could she be, she doesnt actually have those often she just had it 3 times and keeps using it as an excuse to talk to coswan

her main stim was rocking back and forth often, but the kids would point it out often and shes trying SO hard to not do it again so they wouldnt stare at her, body stims alot in general but probably doesnt notice it

often makes alottttt of hand gestures when talking and people would repeat those gestures to her

the short term memoryerrrrrr (crock to the future.....tbh same)

has a hard time distinguishing phrases (break a leg, i could eat a horse etc) but is fine with sarcasam

COLLECTOR OF FIDGETS!!!!!! had to sell most of them before leaving for dimmadelphia though :( her faves are tangles, popits are just easier to carry around

probably had a weighted plushie she had everywhere as a kid, i like to imagine it was an elephant

doesnt like strong smells WORST sensory nightmare for her, unfortunatly for her, onions are her fathers comfort food

doesnt like eyecontact, unfortunatly for her, her best friend likes intense eye contact

her family is full of undiagnosed neurodivergents (marcus/angela r autistic4adhd to me) so they probably connect the dots after guzman pulls them aside and goes weve been observing ur daughter and i think you might want to check this out

I CANT FIND THE FUCKING IMAGE NOO but hazel n marcus r basically that one image thats like "sorry mom im gonna be late i have to drop this pebble down a river to see how big the splash it" / "ok but tell me too how deep it is how loud i was etc"

[tobacconist]

Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc. genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again. j confess it: j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk) like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for... well, i dont think any of us did (originally) but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back. not now.

basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it. you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like... to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry. she herself is completely unaware of this. well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace. so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones. it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens. anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children. like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!? OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different... 'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens. im sorry love, but were still right angry about it. we loved you... how... how could you? 'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him. oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration? some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore... THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK! anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.

and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply. but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her. like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack. weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry

and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.

[born-in-hell]

u all are now doomed to see my opinion on qbbh/ron situation

u all know i wanted ron to have eaten ron SO BAD, but mainly bc the reaction from the other islanders when they learned abt it wouldve been GREAT. in a qbbh story viewpoint yeaahh it wouldve killed rons lore way too fast and early imo. in the long run itd be easily forgotten by us and forgiven by the islanders (especially since qcellbit lives normally w pac, and he ate his leg) (and also foolish, phill, fit, mike, mouse and cellbit wouldnt even care, some would even support him). there would be no payoff to it all. qbbh got some info, tortured the worker, didnt save the kids, had a mental breakdown and then ate said worker. it wouldve been too abrupt

but giving the kidnapped worker STOCKHOLM SYNDROME is in a whooole other level. and it STILL makes sense in qbbhs personality. qbbh is not heartless. he used to treat ron worse when he thought the fed workers were mindless puppets. As soon as ron started to show he was an individual, qbad started to pity him. And missing his lover, being in weird terms w his other potential love interest and best friend, feeling used and distrusted by his fellow islanders, and more important, missing his children, made him try to find someone to relate and care to again. and that someone was ron.

and now it is the best and also the most messed up as it can get. after the talk w qbagh, qbbh was pushed to do the right thing and help ron escape the fed. but hes not dumb. he probably realised that is ron trusted him he would give more info. and thats what happened.

and as time passes, ron becomes more of a person and less of a mindless worker. there is a pattern between all the workers. the more they interact w residents, the more human they become. theres smth interesting abt this, but who am i to guess

him trusting his captor is weird to us. but in context, the fed aparently was HORRIBLE to the workers. mental control, no breaks, possibl experiments and torture. it is so much that ron fears the fed more than he fears qbad.

so yeah this whole things messed up, and ccbbh probably wants it this way kkkkkkkkkkkkkk this is one of the most morally grey arcs weve gotten and its so fun imo

yeah this is it i may add more things later but for now im tired

edit: Ive also been thinking what if the workers start misteriously disappering and all of a sudden everyone discovers that bbh has been kidnapping them and making a ""worker village"? like he sees how horrific the fed is, and starts helping the workers escape. he gets to fred and then he gives qbbh info abt the eggs as a trade. but everyone thinks hes torturing them and he starts to isolate himself again aaaaaaaaa

[dykeyote]

im sorry im talking abotu you were an easy mark its not in an haha hes lying oakworthy wins and thats all i have 2 say way i swear but its just like we talk about how hes obviously lying but why did he pick the MOST obvious lie he could have possibly told . like yes duh he was lying he clearly has feelings for normal hermie unworthy told a lie whos shocked but like he didnt have to say normal was an easy mark is the thing that gets me . there were a thousand diff reasons he could have given as to why he was faking feelings for normal i can think of several much more believable ones . why did he pick the most blatantly fucking false option . and i thought abt it and i was like oh well i guess he could have meant that normal Seemed like an easy mark at the Beginning which would explain why he almost fucking died for an "easy mark" BUT THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE because he didnt start blatantly flirting w normal, Really, until the papa johns arc WHERE HE GOT HALF HIS FACE BURNED?????? if anything by this rationale he started flirting w him the second he realized normal WASNT an easy mark . so if that was his logic then hes STILL stupid and STILL dumb and STILL a weirdly bad liar for a likely . AND NORMAL KNOWS THESE THINGS?????? its not even like hes Hiding the fact that normal is objectively not a fucking easy mark and was very blatantly not one by the very moment that hermie started hitting on him normal was literally there . fucking obviously . and again yes weve discussed this but he literally could have been like . "because im a likely and i scam people it was in my weird scammer instincts to scam you it had nothing to do with liking you you were just who it landed on" . or "because of my previously mentioned weird scammer instincts i felt intensely committed to the stealing teeny bit and had to keep going with it and i couldnt stop until it was as devastating as possible" . or "because i hated you since you had a perfectly normal dad and a perfectly normal mom and you were still so sad about it i wanted to destroy you emotionally" . or SOMETHING ELSE literally ANYTHING ELSE his whole nonsense about his instinctual desire 2 scam is a goldmine for reasons why he could have picked normal and thats not even all why did he pick the dumbest fucking reason none of us are discussing the fact that he didnt HAVE TO LIE BADLY there are ways he could have lied that would have been moderately believable btu he just DIDNT . and he thinks hes such a good actor . that is so funny . idk why im writing a manifesto ive taken my various cocktail of meds so that might be the deal but it just entrances me . like i get he was trying to convey like oooo you want validation and so it was EASY ..... or whatever like i know what he was trying to say with his dumb little speech but its just . the longer i think about it . the more insane i grow bc its genuinely so stupid he did not have to say that shit he could have told a good lie . but did i have to write over 500 words about how stupid he is for that? no. and i did anyway. so whos the real fool

[ver-slxt]

before reading please know this is from experience and i am NOT dictating everyones experience, i am just ranting about bad instances about privilege/bad therapists/therapy, so before you comment (and ill know if youve read this at all by your comment = blocking) please read the four points!

…

THIS. i see antis all the time get their thong in a twist because people ship stuff they want to (that the anti doesnt agree with). and they usually follow up with a ‘kys’ or ‘get therapy!’ like, first all. therapy is NOT cheap, and no, online ‘free’ therapy isnt good either. it takes a LOT of work to find a therapist WITHIN price range AND actually agrees/supports/is okay with you as their client + that you even get to the point (which would be months or even years) being comfortable enough to tell them this stuff anyways without the fear of them insta reporting you and hauling your butt off to the ward (happened to me almost three times, two worked..).

as someone whos experienced bad stuff growing up, ive been to therapy for almost a decade now and let me tell you four things ive run into..

…

1• you have to pay a lot for these people. my therapist + med doctor NOW, costs about 2-300$ a visit, AND THATS PER (separate) PERSON, not two people in one visit. and this is out of our insurance (doctor recommended). but not everyone who goes to therapy has really good insurance/insurance at all, therefore cannot go because its too expensive + its a very priveleged thing to say ‘instead of projecting your trauma in a normal (or even non-normal) way through comships/proships FOR FREE (without it causing harm to yourself/others) go pay HUNDREDS of dollars because thats mainstream/it worked for me!!’ like do you hear yourself,????? everyone is different and no two traumas are alike, and even if once in a blue moon they ARE very similar, two seperate individuals can cope with that similar experience in ENTIRELY different directions/ways… anyways, you may say, ‘why not go to a person in your insurance’ you ask? I HAVE. many times. which brings me to number two.

…

2• bad therapists. listen, cheap isnt always better. ive had therapists make me pay my entire 30$ BEFORE the session starts, then cut me off around 30/40 minutes in (mid session/even mid talking) (they lasted an hour/hour and a half typically). cheaper therapists/local therapists that arent connected through doctor recommendations are not usually the best imo, along with ive heard really bad stuff about the free ones online + new psych students treating patients like guinea pigs/other issues..

…

3• they dont like you. listen, this is not the case EVERY time, but from experience, every therapist ive seen/talked too (about 10 of them now) has disagreed with me on my OWN viewpoint of my toxic household. but you may say, ‘oh but theyre allowed to disagree?’ yes! they can! but you cant be disagreeing about my abuser not being the issue and I am the issue instead (wacko). most (not all) therapists treat it as their job, and you as their customer. yes, some people have really good relationships with their therapist, but please dont think for one second they wont report you + say some out of pocket stuff because theyre the ‘experienced one’ (trust me, its as rude irl as it sounds).

…

4• what ‘tools’ they use/let you talk about SUCK. my newer therapist, granted, isnt the best but its all i have rn, doesnt personally let me vent or talk about my childhood trauma/stuff that actually bothers me. its always “catch me up since weve last talked” and thats it. always the same thing.. along with that, they give you packets about journaling your feelings, and someone who cannot just ‘breathe and count to ten to feel better’ these packets are genuinely useless and i usually dont do them. most therapists have a very basic and general approach to these intense things (especially neurotypical therapists) because they have the mindset of: A) works 9/10 times but if not, B) is the next best thing. and most times they dont actually get to know their patient outside of friendly conversation/med records..

…

if anyone stayed for the entire rant thank you lolz, it was a huge thing to get off my chest but it seriously irks me that, again, antis actually just look at surface level things within communities instead of actually hearing people who belong in this (and other) communities, then without a thought they deem it ‘problematic’, and spread mis-info and demonize the people doing it.

…

TYSM FOR STAYING HAVE A COOKIE IF YOU READ IT ALL 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 ILY ALL!!!

"you need to go to therapy" no thank you, fictional incest is cheaper

[booblywooblies]

holy fuck dude, i think i like unlocked the ultimate sex technique

its going to sound really obvious and i know cis women have been talking about doing stuff like this for ages but like, idk i never really managed to put the pieces together in a way that worked before

the gist is that i started using a bullet while being penetrated. ive always known that the clit is the bigger player in the afab setup than the hole but stimulating it with my hands/other peoples hands has never felt very good so typically when i have sex i just take the dick in the hole for the eroticism and then if i feel like getting off after were done with that then i grind on a pillow to cum

technically theres been a few times where me and my husband, when we first started dating, i was able to cum while he was penetrating me because i had the energy to grind on his pelvis but i am too old and disabled to do that anymore so its been a long time since weve even bothered trying that

ive got 2 toys, one is like a little 5 inch vibrator dildo where the batteries got stuck inside it but its kind of okay as a regular dildo (except for the fact that it doesnt have a base or a handle or anything, but it has like a knot teehee) and a bullet vibrator and i usually just kind of stick the 5 incher inside the hole and wrap the bullet in my labia and then hump a pillow or something with all that going on but recently i was really horny specifically for the thrusting movement but my husband was like too tired to have sex or something so while i was trying to sort myself out i ended up moving the 5 incher in and out and i noticed ! that the bullet enhanced the sensation of the thrust ! and i came super quickly ! because it felt fucking awesome !

and ever since then ive been like oh my god i have to try that out when we have sex and its been a bit and theres been things getting in the way but managed to finally do it today and HOLY SHIT

holy shit it felt so fucking good, it felt so amazing that i barely knew what to do with myself. im fairly noisy normally but i was so desperate and i had no idea how to express myself to get the feeling across to my husband

we did the couch reverse cowgirl again because thats a pretty good way to get him going but ended up doing doggy style again (its probably the most comfortable and feels the best) and he fucked me while i held the bullet in place, he actually had to stop and rest a few times but we didnt lose momentum basically at all and i think thats technically the first time i have ever cum from his movements

i dont fucking have words for how good it felt, it was like there was a dial somewhere that was previously set to 1 and got turned up to the max, not that it didnt feel good before its just like, holy shit

i was not expecting it to work like that

[nutzworth]

every so often i get reminded of my ex friend rose who drifted apart from our friend group around 2022... and i get SO MAD i start spouting steam from my ears and everything. its such a specific scenario but im going to explain it because im crazy

ive known her for like literally years. weve been friends at least since 2017 when our friend group was SUPER into undertale and we had a minecraft world where we were cringe and awesome we were just kids. everything is SO cringe. you have to understand this

and everyone continues to be friends etc etc i dont remember a lot from 2020-2021 but i get into homestuck and rose is crazy about danganronpa and like chucky and icp and stuff like that. assorted nonsense. at this point im CRAZY crazy about homestuck. rose reads a little bit of homestuck. she plays danganronpa and the sims and valorant. we text every day on discord in the friend group discord server. she helps me cosplay dirk strider for the first time with her knowledge from cosplaying danganronpa. its still cringe as hell admittedly but by god were we free

and then..... well rose lived around the same area as the friend group did. most of them anyway. but in 2021? late 2021 ish? she MOVED AWAY. to a little further. to where its kind of a hassle to visit. and she moves schools. and then she TURNS NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!

i only see her via tiktok and instagram which are like notoriously fake apps to see people on. but shes NORMAL. shes those girls at school that are normal. my definition of normal is wildly general seeing as im totally in the top 10 weirdos in my grade but you have to trust me. shes NORMAL!!!!!!!! and she gets a girlfriend thats normal too. the girlfriend is not weird or cringe at all. i meet her and its WEIRD. cus shes normal and im weird and its its its. you get me

anyway while she turns normal she also drifts away from the friend group and eventually we dont talk. like ever anymore. and it DRIVES ME UP THE WAAAAALL!!!!!!! HOW CAN YOU BE THAT NORMAL? AFTER EVERYTHING? how how how. how can you have friends that dont even like KNOW what tumblr is. i assume. i dont know them but thats my guess. they LOOK normal TO ME. how can you cosplay danganronpa and read some pages of homestuck and and talk about sans x komaeda and go on discord and fuck around on minecraft and then BE NORMAL? AFTER THAT? COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats my main gripe. i dont understand it at all. weirdos that KNOW what danganronpa and homestuck are cant just... cant just BE normal. and obviously i dont know what shes like behind closed doors but from how she was acting WHILE we were drifting apart shes just regular. and normal. and not a weirdo freak like the rest of us anymore. whaaaat what what what what HOW POSSIBLY!!! i dont understand. it makes me so mad. how can you simply move schools and then be normal.

what goes through her head... like is she happy... was she happier with us than them? does she hate us now? i looked at her tiktok and she posted this like tiktok trend(?) thing? and its like "love is not my ex and my old friends .... love is my girlfriend :heart:" like is she talking about us? does she not love us? i love her still. i dont know if ill ever stop loving all of my old friends. did she love us? in the moment? she helped me style a cringe ass dirk strider wig for halloween. she made me play your turn to die. does she still care about us? is she mad that we were mean toward her sometimes? shes sensitive. weve all known this. but we were only like 13 or something. does she blame us? does she think we were cringe? does she think we ARE cringe? does she regret it? does she miss it? uuugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. IM CRAZY. about her. ohh my god. i dont know her at all and i dont know if i ever will again. i wonder if she still thinks of us. i wonder if shes relieved shes not with us anymore. i wonder i wonder i wonder (head buried in hands)

[wanderrlust0]

sudden rant turned spiral lol oops

my friend got tickets to see hozier aka andrew their wife and basically got them for us since i said id be down to go. personally im not like a fan where id go see him but id say im a casual listener. like i knew a good amount of songs. i loveee cherry wine and others. now that we have this concert coming up on june 7, ive become a listener. i gotta prepare and all that yknow. cant go to andrew unprepared. also..idk how?! but i was not aware of his thick irish accent.. loll and i mean, even in his new album, he sings with a clear accent?? idk how i never noticed before honestly. so yeah, im curious to know what a hozier concert will be liikeeee. this will be my second concert this yr and they both involve me going bc a friend asked me to go for company lol. i am going to another in august w my bf to see porter robinson and thats actually one i will really enjoy!! itll also be our first like “edm” dance music type concert so itll be so cool. its at the same stadium that hozier will be at as welllll..but you see, what im procrastinating is telling my bf im going w my friend. my friend who hes not a fan of. the one who he thinks is a Threat! D: ive been knowing for likee 2 weeksish and havent said a single word about it agdjfkfl but i am calling it now.. i. will. tell. him. tomorrow. period. no ifs ands or buts. i need to stop worrying and just rip the bandaid off. once i do tho, im still gonna feel anxious bc literally The NEXt WEEk we will most likely go to my (ex)coworkers second party. (the one who threw a halloween party and i didnt know if wed go but we were already hanging out that day so i mentioned it prior and we ended up having enough time and the girls house was very close to me so we ended up dropping by and i told elias right then and there so it was very last minute and kind of fucked up of me but ive developed an avoidance thing towards him if it has to do with snow bc of everything and thats why now i cant help myself from feeling nervous to ever bring them up around him bc im scared he’ll revert back and not love me and start resenting me and leave me and be mean to me and make me feel lonely and accuse me of things and say its my fault i started the friendship in the first place and that im not committed to him and dont love him anymore and everything else under the sun bc hes got trust issues which is a pain and he’ll go from loving me so hard to not in a quick minute if he starts thinking the worst possibilities and i just cant handle all of that and tbh its nothing new so ive grown to understand the process and that itll pass but it really does suckk and it can turn into a turn off and then he becomes emotionally unavailable and then i become emotionally annoyed and then its a constant reoccurring cycle that doesnt always look the same but they follow the same theme which is trust and every time it happens i want to shout at his ex for causing him to develop this issue and this is me spiraling right now bc im nervous and to be crystal clear its not bc im doing anything shady at all or anything with this friend but i just wanna feel the freedom to just casually hang out with them without it feeling so taboo or whatever bc we still have so many plans that wed like to do and idk if he will ever be okay with me going to their house and idk when he’ll ever get better where he wont care how many times we hang out or how often we talk and i just want him to chill about them bc theyre not a bad person at all theyre not this homewrecker girlfriend stealer he makes it out to beeee were literally just existinggg were literally just two friends who enjoy each others company and existence and have become very open and genuine with fairly quickly and we somehow just connected and i truly do love them as a friend and im happy weve crossed paths and stayed in touch and its just something he cant and wont fully understand about us but hes been trying to at least a little but is mainly just dealing with it bc he knows he cant stop me and im not gonna stop my friendship bc hes telling me to so,

…continued…

[namuneulbo]

week sixty-four

this week. woah. it was......... a lot.

well, to start off... i have a crush on v. i figured this out on monday and since then its gotten so severe lol. monday to friday was spent thinking ab him and also apparently not hiding it very well from l. ill come back to this later but this entire chapter will for sure be ab him and also in sm detail.

ive kind of talked a lot ab him and just my “new friends” in general a lot w l and my mom. i think my mom even has suspicions that i like either d or v (bc i talk ab them the most prob).

i started spamming n, s and t and also i, m and t ab him. i wont be able to cover what i told them all individually but n def received the most detailed info yet only one pic (WHICH WAS A HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING ONE I TOOK ON BEREAL WHEN IT CUT EVERYONE OUT AND THEIR POSES SO IT WAS JUST HIM NOT POSING AAAAA I FEEL LIKE A MOM WHO TAKES PICS OF HER KIDS WO CONSENT TT). i talked A LOT w s ab him too and w t i just spammed quickly on monday/tuesday i think, i cant bother checking. when i told i, m and t they immediately asked for a pic and i was scared theyd bully me lol but they said hes solid WOO! s approved of him too, saying the nail polish and his guitar made him seem very much like my type.

ill give u all who might be reading this a lil description of his pros. i would say a reminder to future me as well but yk maybe we end up together so :* heres what weve got so far:

- hes taller than me.

- has a niiiiiice voice.

- nice sense of style. its like basic as in plain colors (pretty much only black, hell wear white sweaters or super dark colors). it looks so good.

- hes a metalhead (+ we have two bands in common, ghost and polyphia).

- piercingssss!

- hes so talented, like he can play guitar, drums AND piano flawlessly.

- hes funny.

now to his cons: he’s not fully single. so. um. idk if theyre dating or in a situationship or just talking but its something for sureeee.

i dont ever want to like, break them up on purpose or like make moves on him while theyre talking bc im not a fucking douchebag. it is quite sad seeing them together though. i cant help but dislike the girl hes w a bit even though i dont want to, shes really cool and gorgeous and nice im just so O_o

on wednesday we had band class and i was MESMERIZED. he had a concert that same day so he was dressed up in a navy button-up, black jeans cuffed over a black pair of chelsea boots. i had to leave a couple times during practice bc i had to practice harmonies w the singers and i remember literally feeling sad ab not being able to stare at him playing the piano so perfectly.

in the evening i went out to the bar for the weekly music quiz they do. i went w a, c and v at first but later on d and p joined (not dan and phil sadly). i was super awkward lol but it was my first time hanging out w just them and it felt so,,,, new to me. im glad i did it though, ig? i got to see him even if it was awkward. also, i think d has my old backpack that i left to a thrift shop. its a floral pattern w black faux leather details and gold buttons. its quite cute and it fits him really well.

i did eventually warm up a bit but nothing crazy.

i was already comfy around c but after wednesday, i was also comfy around d. he was so nice that i even questioned if i liked him as well but turns out i was probably really desperate TT i tend to never be interested in ANYONE when i like someone and thats really obvious now. even though my chances w v r low, i still deleted all my dating apps and stuff bc i dont have the desire to go on them as of rn.

on friday i had been CRAVING a party to go to all day. i was just waiting for someone to send a message saying “yo, party at vs place!”. we usually party at his place. i literally ranted to my mom ab how bad i was hoping for someone to throw a party and this wasnt even just bc of getting to see v but i was genuinely so socially starved. finally, around 19:30 id say, someone sends a message in the class gc telling everyone ab a party at his place. i immediately message l begging for them to come w me and even saying if they dont, ill go either way bc i want to go so bad. they end up declining and i go to the party myself. i get ready in a few minutes, just fixing my day-old makeup and eating and drinking water and stuff so i wont throw up the second i drink alcohol. i was so quick and i was walking w such speed around the house so i think my mom has probably started to connect the dots now that theres someone i like bc im never that excited ever. i leave along w my mom who took the dog out for a walk. since v lives so nearby she walked w me pretty much the entire way.

id never usually be this confident but i had been talking w s the entire day and she hyped me up SO much. i actually love her sm for that. i arrive there, v throws down his keys from the balcony, i catch them and go up to his apartment. i was a tad bit quiet in the beginning but i really tried to force myself to just relax and look cool and i did after a little while. we blasted metal and one of the first things they did was that everyone of them, c, d and v, went out for a smoke so i joined in even though i dont smoke but i enjoyed the lil passive smoking sesh on the tiny balcony, stuck behind d and v.

(bereal just went off, vs so cute).

anyways, i quite quickly felt more relaxed, i kinda forced myself to sit more,, relaxed and stop fidgeting and i got more included in the convo by queueing songs to play. i first asked v to queue kingslayer by bmth and babymetal and he was super excited ab it so i was so glad he liked it. we listened to it on a party a whileeee ago and i remember being so excited ab the fact that he liked that song too. a had arrived by now and hes v good to have there in that sense that he will make me join in the convo somehow if i havent talked in a while. he made me queue another song and i queued drowning lessons by mcr. i was so caught by surprise and i always get so shit at using tech shit and the internet in front of ppl, idk why, so v started guiding me on what buttons to press TT i hadnt thought of drowning lessons in the first place actually but i just kind of naturally went w mcr for some reason and then ended up choosing my fav song by them. we listened to it and v was like “DID HE JUST VOICE BREAK???” and i was like “oh, maybe? i mean its their first album so the mixing and recording might be a bit shit” and he replayed the part and was like “THERE IS A VOICE BREAK!” and c started explaining to him in distress that its just how u sing punk TT after a while v was like “its still going? how long is it?” and checked and it was right before the outro and i was like “waittt, we havent gotten to the best part yet!” and he leaves it and the breakdown comes and he does a stankface and just looks at me like “oh, a breakdown ending, hell yeah!” and i was so happy haha

last song i queue is taking you out by passcode. as i was typing it v read out what i was typing and kept guessing songs, heh, it was so cute. he asked me ab the band and stuff and then said like “oh, she growls really well for a woman” and the proceeds to elaborate in distress that he didnt mean it in a misogynistic women-cant-growl type of way but in a its-genuinely-harder-for-a-woman-to-do-metal-growls. it was quite cute, he tends to do that a lot, like overexplaining things so ppl dont think hes being a dickhead even though he says very normal things TT its so cute and it really shows that he cares.

i mentioned that i was ab to start learning growling w my vocal teacher and how she also said she wants to get the singer of finntroll to come and teach growling to me (WHICH IS SO COOL???). v was like “oh my god, im also ab to practice growling w my vocal teacher” and then when i told him ab the singer of finntroll thing he got so excited and just “what??? for real??? thats so cool???” and proceeds to be like “omg, when ur w him tell him uve got a friend who wants to have a lesson w him too” and c joins in and says the same. i felt so cool in that moment haha

me, c and d went out to go meet the ppl from school who had been touring all week. before we left i went to pee and literally on the toilet i was smiling sm bc i felt so comfy and happy and all that in that moment like, i was talking to him??? and he was talking back???? and he smiled???? he wanted to talk to me????? i did a lil happy jump sesh after i washed my hands. then otw to school, me, c and d were jumping around and running and yelling. them bc they were drunk, me bc i was so excited abt finally feeling comfy w them + obviously getting to talk to v successfully after crushing so hard on him the past week. i was so happy too bc i finally felt like i kind of belong. i felt for the first time true that like “oh my god, they dont hate me!”. so while meeting the ppl at school i was sooooo happy and like greeting everyone and just smiling and feeling so cool and included and aaaaaaa i was so happy i cant even explain it. c and d r the coolest ppl ever!!!

we went back w s + we left d behind for a bit, sorry d!! now this was when i was truly connecting the dots between s and v. partypooper. i did tag along to the bar w all of them afterwards though. i just went by my place to eat something and get my id.

i arrived to the bar and i sat down next to c at first but later moved next to d so i could sit on the couch. me and c went to buy drinks and then d left to go smoke. there was an awkward space between me and v so i tried to subtly move closer to him and later when d came back he just sat in the spot i sat earlier so i sat between him and v.

more ppl arrived and i ended up becoming squished between d and v. NOW THIS. this changed me as a whole human being. i have been terrified of men all my life and w not specific reason bc the thing is that its not rooted in like, being scared that theyll do something, i just genuinely get more tense around men than women. this moment was so, special to me and not just bc i was squished next to v and our arms and legs were in constant touch but like, i got this kind of realization that, maybe i dont need to be nervous. like, theres nothing to worry ab. i trust d and v. theyre really nice. d i was already comfy w since wednesday and v i just that evening got comfy w. although i am touch deprived i really just,,, felt so happy, safe and relaxed in a group if people, in the middle of two men. i didnt feel the need to fidget out of nervousness and stuff. i was just, calm.

v looks over at me and asks me how drunk im planning to get. he himself says he wants to be so drunk he throws up. i jokingly reply saying i dont want to throw up. he starts showing me a scale w his hands, going down from ten and giving each level its own name so like “this is throw up drunk, this is like this and this is that...” and i end up saying i wanna get slighty above drunk and hes just like “so like a six?” and i nod. he says something along the lines of “thats cool, thats solid”.

later a girl sits next to d and begins talking w her. he starts whispering w v over my lap and i just sit there laughing awkwardly, hoping someone would notice and laugh w me as well. they dont talk for too long but they do this again later and talk for like two minutes straight over my lap and i just use this time to admire vs back and his ear piercings. d apologises and i chuckle and tell him its fine and that i didnt mind (i really did not bc i am truly so touch-starved). d later tells me ab this girl and bc of the music he has to really be close to my ear and talk w me. we talk like that for a while and he says hes glad i understand his situation. long story short, this girl had apparently been trying to flirt w him even though he has a girlfriend. i think he handled the situation really well.

v once again looks over at me, this time as were both kind of resting against the booth, bodies facing each other. he just asked how i was feeling today but it felt so intimate and i was savoring the conversation and eye contact as much as i could. i told him that i was really craving social interaction today so i was really glad i could tag along w them. he acted a bit funnily so i asked him how drunk he was. he said he feels a bit sick. idk why but that convo was so :’) i am TREASURING it.

him and s decided to leave, making almost everyone else leave. i stayed for a bit w a and c and some other unknown ppl but decided to leave after a bit. while me, a and c went out when they went to smoke i saw a bunch of ppl from both elementary and middle school. d, l, n and t. i was kind of hoping one of them wouldve noticed me earlier while i was w v and all the others so they could be like “omg shes sitting next to two guys, i wonder if shes dating anyone of them” or like “omg she has such cool friends now”.

okay, thats all on friday. saturday however, i met up w l for a bit, i tell them ab my crush on v. i sit them down, hold their hands and keep eye contact.

“so on wednesday we had a conversation on tiktok and i talked ab how boy obsessed i am feeling these days, right?”

they continue looking at me, asking me if this is ab e. i dont tell them yet.

“so after i said that, u said ‘well as long as its not d or v bc ik theyre the only friends we have but i assure u there r better alternatives’”

they begin staring at me in shock and yell:

“l! not them, omg! which one is it- no, wait. let me guess... d?”

i look at them for a bit before replying: “its not d.”

“ITS V? L, NO U CANT!” and they kick me as im laughing so hard im falling of the bed.

“IT IS! i have a fucking crush on v!”

we talk ab this for a while and i tell them ab friday and all that and it was sm fun lol

after me and l ahd hung out i went out to a proper party held at school. like dancing-beer-pong-bar kind of party. i met d and some others outside of the enterance and say hi. i then go inside and immediately meet c and c. they bring me to the dance floor and shows me where all the drinks r and everything. i see v playing beer pong. i dont like dancing at all so i join for a bit but leave soon enough. i sit and talk w a for a while. when v sat down on the same couch i was in i told a who was sitting on the other side that she could sit down on the couch properly instead of just sitting on the armrest and so she did and my evil plan worked, i got to move even closer to v. after a while it was finally our turn to play beer pong, we played w just water though. it was my first time playing and i was in the same team as a. she was so good? we played again v and two others. it was so humilating to play against v but my team won thanks to a. she was really awesome. during our last cup, v tried distracting me by hovering his hands over the cup but it literallyt made me aim better bc i could look at his hands TT he only distracted me w his hands and never a.

i left after s arrived to the party bc i got so sad seeing her w v lol but i was overwhelmed by the party anyways lol

sotw: bring me the horizon - alligator blood

[kidcha]

Aight so real talk guys:

- little sister changed her mind and i didnt get to take my nephew to the fireworks. I ran late allll night and barely made her dinner at all, missed most of the fireworks display, and sat in traffic for over half an hour trying to reach the gas station down the road where accomodation manager and her admin bff were waiting to have a coffee

- i only went to the party bc Other Manager was affronted i didnt want to go to the sports day and i felt guilty

- it was actually fun bc i got to drink and chill and aside from not being hit on by any of the cute boys i waaanted to hit on me, it was probs ok. I wore heeled boots and nice jeans and a cold shoulder top with a plunging neckline and a v pretty production girl told me i was pretty out of the blue and i almost died from surprise

- the owner (after drinking a bit) kept asking guys to take me dancing, and they declined at least partly bc of my panicked, mortified begging not to. He ordered the harvesting managers son to, and Other Manager piped in with AND U TREAT HER R I G H T thanks guys. One guy actually did come thru and tried to teach me and i was horribly embarassed and ran away as soon as the song ended, leaving accomodation manager to dance with him

- i literally spent most of the night behind the bar, drinking, watching the Managers serve drinks and giving them shit. I thought i was hilarious, but again, i was drinking. I was probably just obnoxious. Lord help me

- i went and had one more drink at accomodation managers (her partners bday) and made an english girl mad bc i was happily talking to her bf about a shit ass town near where i used to live that noone else has even heard of. She made him leave a few minutes later. W h o r e

- the owner of the company bought us lunch today for helping clean up yeh

[sanchoyo]

arc v 51-65 thoughts! JACK IS HERE FINALLY!!!! also crow. also, prison arc. they sent 14 year olds to actual adult prison! the gang learned about classism, corruption in the system and that you cant Beat Cops with Smiles, but with your Fists :)

-ok. in the back end of the reiji v yuya duel yuya seems surprised to hear yuzu is okay, just taken. and im like. OH IS THAT WHY HES SO UPSET?? HE THOUGHT SHE WAS /DEAD/??? I mean. you know what thats fair. being turned into a piece of paper/cardboard(?) cards. would usually mean death I guess and he did think thats what happened to her. I still think its silly for him to be so pissed at reiji who by all accounts is the nicest ygo rich guy in the entire serieses history imo. but reiji did withhold some info to test yuya a lil bit. but yknow. still.

-…reiji's mom…TOLD the WORLD about the war/invaders AND THEY CANCELED. THE. TOURNAMENT. THEY CANCELED IT AND PRIORITIZED THE WORLDS SAFETY. we ARENT getting a FULL TOURNAMENT ARC??? IN YUGIOH??? i am shocked. no way… (I know I said itd be really funny if a protag didnt win the tournament, but they CANCELED IT which is somehow even funnier to me) I cannot say I expected this at all but im not MAD abt it

-see the next ep when yuya v his mom we learn his mom was a former GIRL GANG BOSS??? WHERE HAS /THAT/ ENERGY BEEN THIS WHOLE SERIES??? instead of being a creep towards kids she couldve been characterized like this! the story abt her and yuyas dad is pretty cute but if /i/ i had a hot mob boss wife i wouldnt be telling her to solve everything with smiles not violence :) i would pick up a fucking bat with her. whatever its FINE

-god the lil montage of yuzu's dad dueling with her in a lil baby pouch on his back and pausing a duel to change her diaper was SO CUTE. TF BEST YGO DAD FOR REAL GOD. hes a duel school teacher!!! why!! cant he come to help!!!! why are they just letting an 18-19 yr old lead the lancers into anOTHER DIMENSION. i dont CARE that hes thee most responsible smartest guy ever or whatever. my god

-shun and serena are remarkably chill abt all of this, hope we see more of them talking and hanging out and stuff. like serena looks just like his sister and yuya looks like his bestie and u KNOW thats SO weird to him?? but also they were on oppisite sides of the war! i want! more interactions! (very funny theyre both kinda trailing reiji. tbh if /i/ was stranded in another dimension he would be the person id be latching onto out of this cast, too. very nice and level headed guy)

-MY GOD. yugo is SO sweet, his calm explanation to yuzu and them just sittin and talking was great. (his reaction to yuzu implying he loves rin was also very very cute. and rins design AUGH I love it SO much. yuzu is still best arc v girl for me but rins design is my fav. GREEN.) JACK!!! MENTIONED!!!

-while they were talking it sorta explained yugo v yuto was a huge misunderstanding bc yuto thought yugo was the Fusion Enemy and yugo thought yuto was yuri. very very understandable and funny. and also im starting to think everyone in this series is colorblind bc they cant tell any of the yuzu/yuya counterparts apart by hair… (also, speaking of yuri, where did he GO. whts HE up to. weve barely gotten any of him and id like More Please)

-it's…been a minute since I watched 5ds. years. and I only watched it once, so I know im probably going to get details wrong, but aside from jack and crow, all other charas so far are arc v originals? like melissa and Guy that Looks Like This :>/ arent in 5ds right… the city kinda looks different to me, but maybe its just the animation looks newer… are we going to get an explanation to where yusei is? bc if jack and crow are in this…like, none of the protags are in arc v. are they busy. is this a universe without them.

-I forgot how dystopian 5ds was! stupid rich ppl calling the cops on yugo and yuzu for LOITERING and acting like the lower class is a Threat is a lil too real…damn. yugo is so nice immediately just pulling her along to help while shes with him ;_; personality wise hes my fav of the yu boys so far… (I feel like such a traitor for this. sorry to yuto bc zexal is my fav series. but we barely got to see him. whenever he comes back im sure we'll get..more... and sorry to yuya bc I Love Clowns….but I love silly lil bikenana boy…willing to bet when we get more yuri he might fight for that spot bc i LOVE a good villain too…we'll see…)

-YUZU'S REACTION TO YUGO DWHEEL DUEL IS SO FUNNY SHES LIKE. SO RATIONAL THO. my GOD she kept saying he should stop to duel on foot and yeah. playing yugioh (or, any card game) on a bike would be insanely hard. like you have to basically have your cards ALL memorized bc you gotta keep ur eyes ahead to drive, right, so ud only be able to glance? everyone in synchro world has insane memorizing skills. (I know to a degree you'd be able to make the d-wheels have a sort of autopilot, but no, we see them steering themselves and accelerating themselves…)

-the animation kept cutting to 3d models while they were dueling on their bikes and it did Not Look Very Good. it was still very fun.

-yuzu Learns About Corrupt Police and Society Today! She once again is the Real Protag to Me. reporter cowgirl ladys design is cute!

-what was the point of the duel if the cops were gonna just set up a blockade anyway tf. the entertainment aspect is SO fucked lmao bored rich ppl. too real. yugo u dont need to rise in society u gotta burn it all down its all fucked. -_-

-YUZU HAS BEEN IN SYNCHRO WORLD FOR (1) DAY AND IS NOW A WANTED CRIMINAL!!! HOT GIRL SUMMERRRRR. (and by proximity, yuya and serena lol)

-LAYRA SAW COPS AND FLIPPED OUT. understandable but also WHO HURT U. SHINGO IMMEDIATELY NOT GIVING A FUCK AND IS READY TO DUEL THE COPS. SERENA TOO. honestly very iconic of everybody great job. except yuya who is just baffled and not 100% ready to throw down. Get with the PROGRAM yuya u cant fight cops with smiles.

-you know I understanding theyre tryin to duel their way out of it but letting ppl from synchro see: fusion, action cards, and pendulum in ONE GO seems DANGEROUS.

-sorry, but shingo being arrested while yuya is like YAY ACTION DUEL LET ME ENTERTAIN U ^_^ IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. and everytime he asked layra if theyre okay they look like a goddamn espurr like O__O clearly NOT OK. VERY SCARED WITHOUT REIJI. WHY DID U BRING THIS TRAUMATIZED CHILD!!!

-there was a scene when yuya was like 'look at these beautiful ladies!" n his hippo girl monsters danced for an uncomfortably long time and the cops face kept being zoomed in on and he was like O__O this ep…i cant tell if its TRYING to make me laugh but it is, my god yuya u are making ME smile if no one else. for absolutely the Wrong Reason. the CHEERFUL TONE he takes on in this situation is SO NOT APPROPRIATE FOR THE GRAVITY OF BEING. ARRESTED. this cop hes dueling is also the most tirest man ive ever seen which makes it so much better

-crows entrance was absolutely INCREDIBLE. WITH THE MOODY THUNDER AND ALL!! HOLY SHIT. just the sound of revving in the distance building up to it CROWWWWW I LOVE U. still probably most excited for jack but STILL.

-ohh, yugo know doesnt what his parents look like huh…and yuzu doesnt know what her mom looked like? her dad, the most cheerful dude in the world never talked abt her? weird.. theres still the mystery of yuzu having her bracelet…id say maybe all the yuya/yuzu counterparts might be the same but no, yuya has both parents so…cannot rly do anything with this info rn…

-ok just a small thought, but in the op and the eps so far, the guy whos always looking over security (idk his name yet but he looks like this :>/) is implied to be the villain, and ig reijis dad might be one of the final villains, but we havent had any Very Present Active villains aside from GROUPS of invaders that are p much faceless…I want more like. Present Villains. does that make sense. dennis doesnt count btw hes just some guy whos hangin out.

-shingo just introduced yuya as his APPRENTICE. PLEASE. i love him so much hes the funniest guy ever. crow also immediately being like 'idk abt all this dimension stuff! but u guys can hang out here for however long u need to :)' LOVE U CROW

-my god DENNIS can juggle and do silly little magic stuff. ok. ive been very lukewarm to him but thats very cute. also 'gon-chan' PLS.

-also one of the bills he got as a tip had that little clown guy from 5ds on it. was he a …person who was important enough to be on money? i dont remember him very much except he had like. a clown wife. cannot recall his place in the plot or anything else LMAO

-yugo and yuzu just trying to convince randos on the street the WAR IS COMING AND THEY CAN TRAVEL DIMENSIONS. AND GETTING LAUGHED AT. HELP THEM.

-im running into traffic to defend gons honor. hes so mad dennis made him the villain in their silly little roleplay HAHA. dennis is like a campy little guy, even when hes outed as a traitor later I seriously seriously doubt itll stick or he'll be a real threat. hes a silly guy..also I just like his monsters designs a lot. (also, he outed xyz to synchro dimension too LMAO DUDE. now they have all the summoning methods u guys can use…)

-gallager is just. he introduces himself as a promoter but him and nico smiley are both like. pimps for duelists right. KAHSDKJ. love his outfit so much tho

-so…where the HELL did reiji land….mildly concerned about now, its been a few…eps and he hasnt been shown…where did he go……..is he ok…….is he with jack….

-ILLEGAL DUEL BETTING. GON IS SOOO OFFENDED TOO. AND THEN IT CUTS TO SHUN IMMEDIATELY IN IT. epic illegal bird moment. poor gon is having to play peacekeeper and is the only reasonable person of this trio

-crow explaining the tops STOLE riding duels and make commoners do it for fun..my god they gentrified riding duels

-very grateful yuya is the one kinda looking after layra in reijis absence. makes perfect sense since he kinda is a big bro figure to the kids at the duel school too! it adds a real softness to yuya that I like (ok lets be real hes already been pretty soft. gooey and warm center, like a cookie) for a second it panned to serena and i was thinking pls dont let the only girl in the group be the mother hen but no. she completely ignores layra and decided to go out on her own (shingo following her lol) bc shes sick of sitting around waiting and her main goal, in her Words is to Find Yuzu too. would it be weird to ship them since they..look the same supposedly….JSDKFJK its tht question of what ud do if u met a clone of urself/alt version of urself. would u kiss or kill them. serena is a Kiss the Clone kinda girl and I respect that

-'friendship cup' is the funniest name ever for a tournament. YOU HAVE TO ENTER. TO DUEL JACK. JACK IS THE PRIZE. TROPHY WIFE JACK. shun and dennis both want to fight jack sooo bad its so funny. me too (affectionate) the fact dennis and shun both took to riding bikes and dueling at the same time SO fast is. incredible. and their lil outfits….

-oh wait. this means the earlier tournament being canceled is just gonna lead into this one isnt it HAHAH i knew it couldnt be ygo without a full tournament arc….its fine. I actually dont DISLIKE these type of arcs even if they arent my favorite

-not sure if ive said it but I Must mention it: yuyas magicians have nonbinary swag

-who the hell is shinji. youre not yusei. bootleg yusei….where did they PUT YUSEI!!! are all the protags busy like DAMN!! WHERE ARE THEY!!! I understand on a meta level u wouldnt want them all in the series to take away protagswag from yuya but this series literally lends itself to a bbt style crossover! the whole series is a crossover! they shouldve had a lil movie or smth. I want. another bbt movie. but w the newer protags too. lke all 8-9(??) ygo protags...itd be FUN

-crow being such a DAD to a ton of kids is cute. and probably the best person layra couldve come to stay with tbh, hes obv concerned abt them ;_; babies. also him and yuya dueling bc crow thinks feeding kids is more important than making them smile…and yuya thinks making them smile is more important…no yuya i gotta side with crow here LMAO crow called yuya privileged too JDSFHKJ

-NINJA GUY!!! I FORGOT HE WAS WITH THE LANCERS?? i mean ive been seein him in the op but STILL. good he got layra outta there. the cops were going to arrest a CHILD. i mean ik yuya is a child too but layra is a CHILD child not a teen yk. omg jail arc???

-speaking of arcs. is this series called arc v. because. arc 5. as in fifth arc of the yugioh series. I was speculating to why it was called that last time and had the realization thats prob why JKSHDFK

-god we actually are getting a…prison arc…this is INCREDIBLE. why werent they given the prison uniforms everyone else has. btw yuya now would be the PERFECT time to bring ur inner demon out to break out

-the bosses absurdly large brick stack of cards is insane. ive never seen so many so neatly stcked in one place…bro what if someone knocked them over that would be a nightmare…

-the lil story with the boss was fun (and felt appropriate given hes dueling yuya, who is all abt Smiles and Entertaining and hed lost that…like gettin his spark back) …so the moral here is u can make friends with fellow inmates n have solidarity but the cops are always enemies. understandable and real

-so yuya should become the new prison boss. right. he beat the old boss. but whatever I guess they didnt want yuya to be a crimeboss...cowards

-so whenever someone tries breaking out, their friends/the ppl left behind get punished and taken somewhere they 'never return from'…thats…terrifying and would be pretty efficient to anyone with any kind of morals, but idk, i feel like anyone would get really desperate and try it anyway at a certain point if conditions are bad enough, their fellow inmates be damned..

-sorry but it has to be said though. this mans hair is a lizard straight up. with the little hands and everything. is anyone fucking talking about this.

-my god yugo cannot whistle at all. everytime i see him and yuzu im like. they are so funny i love them both so much SJADFHKJ we go a few eps w/out them and im so sad… btw..yuya is in jail, i kinda expected this friendship cup thing to involve them more heavily, but the :>/ guy said yugo and yuzu would be arrested when they showed up for it too and im like. is it even gonna be an Event or Not. i mean I LOVE prison arc but. Wondering

-'hey crow if ur gonna leave here (prison) can I come too..' YUYA. DO YOU THINK CROW OF ALL PEOPLE IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS IN PRISON AND DITCH YOU ALL?? ITS CROW. CMON.

-yuya constantly looking like either the happiest dude ever (when its horribly inappropriate most of the time) or the saddest little kicked puppy alive makes me lose it. (and the third option of Murderously Possessed, but its been like 20 eps since weve seen that so..maybe the demon and yuto both peaced out. maybe they eloped. good for them)

-ok im going to need a gif of this PRONTO. shun how did you get there. HE SHOULDER DROPPED THIS MAN. XYZ BITCHES ARE BUILT DIFFERENT. XYZ REPRESENT!!!! he bodied like 15 more guards after this with his FISTS not even using his cards CMON LETS GOOO the prison break scene was AMAZING. also shingo grabbing some rare cards on the way out. best boy alert. why do his eyes glow in the dark.

-….hey shingo loses SO many duels its kind of funny. reminds me of watching manjoume from gx do the same thing. between them who has more losses. theyre both a certain…flavor of cringedude characters that i always end up liking…

btw Lightsworn Monster SPOTTED. I HAVE THIS CARD IN MY FAVORITE DECK!!! HIII FELIS!!!

-'what does a monster with 100 lp have to accomplish' -guy whos never heard of goddamn card effects. damn i thought these dudes were supposed to be the super efficient guards or whatever…anyway shun coming in with the literal xyz rescue was CUTE look at him functioning in a team ;w; good

-oh my god :>/ guy is named jean-michel roget. hes. hes french coded. u know wht i think i like my silly lil emoji name for him better. GOD DAMN they were SO close to escaping. CROW HAS KIDS AT HOME. ARGNH THEYRE TRYING TO SEPARATE SERENA TOO. BULLSHIT.

-REIJI FINALLY FINALLY SHOWING UP. WHERE WERE U. talking to a council I Guess. fucking negotiating. ok king of efficiency. he saved everyones asses with this. everyone say thank u reiji for everything, always.

-oh my god the friendship cup. theyre all being forced to demonstrate their abilities in the tournament . mandatory friendship cup. its a Full Circle. out of jail straight into the REAL tournament arc. i cant believe this.

-yuya vs jack. oh my god its going to happen. <- so excited to see jack i am going to throw UP

-crow called jack a traitor so. so they havent made up yet. I mean I FIGURED and yusei isnt HERE and i am :( I barely remember 5ds but I remember crow and jack bein silly together near the end…be FRIENDS or ELSE I will CRY

-yuzu's lil riding duel outfit is SO cute. pls. also yuzu crying with relief once she sees yuya is ok…baby ;_; theyre so Close to bein reunited….

-the problem with me trying to figure out how and why this series diverges from 5ds is that i remember Nothing Important from 5ds at all. i remember the dumbass details like that jack loved cup ramen JSDHKJ but its clearly an au (with..no yusei for some reason...) and im like. wondering if theyll ever explain WHY its an au from the original. or if im just supposed to Know. bc I Dont Yet

-I thought itd be really funny if jack DID defeat yuya in Three Turns like he said he was going to. and then he DOES. he beats him so hard yuya FLIES OFF HIS BIKE. AND BOUNCES. LMAO glad hes wearing a helmet at least. love u jack. also. i know it was probably framed in the way of jack being an asshole but I? kind of agree with him about this:

(I actually…said smth along these lines in my first arc v liveblog post:

almost word for word HAHA me and jack are on the same wavelength and he read yuya in like 10 seconds FLAT I am Amazed)

not that it's a BAD thing. he wants to make people happy, and it makes him happy in turn when theyre cheering for him! thats fine! (an irl example would be like, I enjoy making art for others to make them happy. but I also enjoy getting positive feedback for my own satisfaction!) absolutely nothing wrong with it!

HOWEVER. the impression I've gotten so far is that yuya gets upset when his opponent is the one being cheered for (a good example was the michio duel and that annoying trivia kid duel. he didnt seem real happy when the audience was rooting for them and not him!) as opposed to…I cant believe I'm comparing him to dennis but. the dennis v gon duel was a great example of what I think a more genuine entertainment duel should be…they were playing the roles of hero v villain, and dennis was great at improv there, quickly turning into the villain when Straight Man to his Comedy Guy routine Gon accused him of being the Real Villain in that situation. like he ROLLED with it and was perfectly fine with gon winning bc it suited their lil story and the audience loved it! I think entertainment dueling SHOULD be like that, like improv and acting bc you're entertaining ppl. ur a performer. u need to go w the flow more.

(Okay, this might not have been the best duel to show it off bc 1. hes dueling JACK of all ppl who declared hes gonna WIN and. he Will. 2. this is a situation where hes trying to showcase the strength of the lancers, so it wouldnt do to THROW the duel. but he couldve played into jacks dramatics a bit, made himself out to be more of a dramatic underdog, or a potential upstarter…for wanting to be an ENTERTAINER I want to see yuya channel his dramatics a LOT more than he does. esp w jack of all ppl!) to me it feels like yuya also ties a LOT of his self worth to how other ppl perceive his role in duels too which is Unhealthy (and again. is an extension of the 'smile when u want to cry' stuff imo, also pretty unhealthy) I…dont know if any of this is That Deep or theyre just trying to make jack seem like an asshole. I WANT it to be this deep bc its a REALLY interesting trait for a protag to have!

-kinda love how ppl in the Tops are dressed like old timey victorians. (also a lot of them have very western names) it just creates a very. unique vibe 

-can I also just say i LOVE LOVE LOVE the trope in ygo of 'person does what they think is the final finishing move, then theres smoke and everyone is like :0 and when the smoke clears, the person is still standing in the duel because of some trap/spell/effect' IT HAPPENS SO MUCH IN ARC V AND I EAT IT UP EVERYTIME.

-...jack gave this random child servant a card and told him it suited him and the kids mad jack 'changed' and got mad jack compared him to a 'weak card'...first off its gonna end up being smth like 'even weak cards have potential, none of them are useless, its like u, u feel like ur a low level but u also have potential' (which. very yusei thing btw) but also if my hero gave me a card i would literally be SO happy this kid is dumb asf. jack literally wasnt even being RUDE when he gave it to him and jack is usually SO Rude like CMON. 'wheeh i had NO cards and jack gave me one but its WEAK so i dont want it' this is called being ungrateful. i know hes a kid so I shouldnt be so annoyed but damn its rude. its a REALLY cute card too (not one I recognize and the text is in japanese but its a cute lil cyber girl with pink hair and a tuning fork and bc this is synchro I assume its a tuner monster or smth?)

-...went from jail to bougiest penthouse in the world. lmao and locked in his room....ur a rich persons pet now...'if u lose ur out of the penthouse' willing to bet its the same for jack since at the end of the day hes still. u know. a commons Guy cosplaying a bougie. funnily enough, the tops are saying 'as long as he keeps winning hes not a commons, hes one of us!' and the commons are saying 'hes a traitor who sold out!' then another commons guy being like 'NO jack is still OUR hero he doesnt belong to the tops!' etc. its like he cant fucking win no matter what he does! insane. jack ilu tho.

-...actually, first match is gon v crow. calling it now, gon loses his Stand In One Place shtick isnt gonna work v a motorcycle. i kinda think I want crow to win this tournament actually to duel jack KJHSDKJ i know itll prob be yuya but cmonnnn. its PERSONAL for crow. btw does this mean gon will be homeless for the rest of the friendship cup stuff since if u lose u get kicked outta the penthouse. where will he GO. ...tbh since crow has kids waiting at home for him it might be better if he loses first so he can take the losers of this tournament back home w him so they dont. go to jail again? maybe? we’ll see!!

very very fun stretch of eps, I binged SO many last night and tonight :3

[thesolotomyhan]

joining the dea and javier peña falling for you would include

a/n: first javier request and my soft clown ass did her best to bring this request justice for you corazoncitos,, wow anyways pls love me either way if this is actual garbage

taglist: @fandomnerd16 @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @umvirgo @redhairedace

let me know if you want to be tagged!

ok so when i thought about this- my mind went straight to a slow b u r n relationship :))

because all i can think about is him not even realizing the moment where you- the very person hes been trying to avoid since day one- holds his entire heart in your hands

like him coming to the point where he notices hes so deep in love with you the very second he stared at you a little longer than usual,,

 not paying attention to what you said even though he was staring straight at your lips- 

and hes just over here like “fuck me,, this cant be happening-”

i laugh because i know he would start to get all nervous around you,, 

his tie feeling like its choking him when he tries to talk to you, becoming tongue tied,, when he had literally zero problems before talking with you- 

his palms sweating and getting so frustrated with himself,, especially when he looks over at you when you laugh at something steve or horacio said to you-

just wanting you to be laughing at something he said instead-

just the literal exact opposite feelings hes been trying to push away and convince himself he doesnt have has him beyond done with himself at this point because he knows theres no way out of this-

because?? since when the fuck ever did the javier pena start getting nervous around trying to talk to a woman and much less the person that hes supposed to be working with,, thats what pisses him off- 

and i would imagine him having this closed off connection with you since the first step you took in the office

because i have this thought in my head where javier wouldnt have liked the news of you joining the dea in colombia when he first heard about it

bc theres already so much stress going on from trying to catch escobar,,

and hes not about to have to train and catch your rookie ass up to them ya feel?

but woW does he realize he has it all fucking backwards about you when steve introduces you to javi when you get there-

like im not going to lie,, i can feel it in my bones that javier wouldnt really care when both you and steve are standing in front of him

i can just imagine him just glancing up,, looking you over once and just brushing you off,,

just giving you a short hello with like a forced smile and getting up,, grazing past you two-

and steves over here rolling his eyes like “dont listen to him, he can be an asshole,, but youll get used to it-”

i dont know- i get the feeling that you and steve would get along well since the start,, like the two of you becoming best friends:)

because he knows what its like to be in a different country and even more, what its like to be the rookie

so hes just having you always stick with him all the time,, being dea buddies :)) wow

but also having a good relationship with carrillo because i just know he would see something in you-

youre not the one to be a goody-two shoes like steve in the beginning and just by hanging around with you for 5 minutes,, he already loves you and is always with you on missions,,

like you becoming one of the people he trusts the most in the group :)

just- you befriending the whole office to the point everyone would come to you for literally anything-

i laugh imagining javiers amargado ass always being annoyed af by that,, because weve seen this man stress tf over escobar and bernas bs hes always pulling-

and hes just trying to be serious for once and not have this whole case drag on any longer than it has to the point where people dont come to him anymore- 

but listen- i can see you having this attitude with him all the time,, like challenging him everytime you interact with him,,

literally not giving 2 shits if he listens to you,, just getting under his skin and steves over here already on your side no matter what-

i cant-  imagining him giving you an attitude back,, pushing you away and sending you with murphy but

 :(( even tho he wont ever admit it then,, :( he lives for bantering with you because those would come to be the highlights of his day :((

like in those moments he slowly starts to realize unconsciously he doesnt hate you at all,, he just doesnt know how to handle these feelings he has for you because he gives me vibes of him never settling down-

but here he fucking is,, not even noticing that hes constantly looking at you,, sitting up straight when he sees you start to walk over to him :(

or like him muttering to himself,, trying to convince his mind that he doesnt and shouldnt see you in a romantic way-

but he just can’t help stop thinking about you,, the way you smiled at him that morning or that you chose to sit by him during a meeting- 

i dont know- im just emotional at the thought of him being so hopelessly in love with you,, like not even fighting it anymore because he cant

just him slowly coming around to being near you all the time,, and maybe just checking up on you,,

i CRY at thought of him becoming your number one hype man :((

like him yelling at everyone to shut up and listen to you when you have something to say about information-

the both of you smiling to each other,, like him nodding in your direction because he has your back :)) wow i aM SOFT

im fucking sorry but the way he has literal HEART EYES watching you talk in front of everyone,,

not even paying attention to what youre saying just focusing on the way hes never noticed the little details about you- i

this bitch is literally in a haze,, focusing all of his  attention on you,,

like he doesnt even notice when steve looks over at him and back to you,, smile on his face when he realizes what javis thinking about-

i cant- and him elbowing javiers side when you finish talking because hes not even moving from his spot,, still too embobado watching you like

“you fucking like her dont you?”- 

:((HOLD ON?? - I SOB at the thought of steve being the wingman because he just wants the best for both of his friends,,,

 he makes it his fucking mission to get you two together- :((

like im imagining him being the type to give you a note or something from carrillo or messina-

telling you to pass it on to javier even tho he’s literally like 4 feet away from you both lol

like hes just trying to push you two to spend more time together as much as possible-

woW because can you imagine you giving javier these smALL HEART EYES AS YOU WALK UP TO HIM,,

the two of you being stuck to the floor when youre giving him the note,, both of you waiting for the other to make a move first,, 

neither of you being able to get 2 words out to eachother even though you both would banter with each other before but now?? its a difference feel

and all the while steve is over here next to carrillo,, the both of them betting which of you two is going to do something first lmao

god im sorry but im :(( imagining you giving him a small smile and walking away buT javiers not even looking at the note because hes over here standing there,, not moving a single muscle,, just watchinG YOU LEAVE WITH THE BIGGEST HEART EYES WHEN YOURE NOT LOOKING AT HIM ANYMORE- :(((

oh my god, wow can you imagine steve getting connie in on this because hes just so done waiting and watching you both fucking struggle to get 4 words out to eachother- so much p i n n i n g

so like the two of them would definitely do this double date just to get the two of you together outside of work :))

but:) they would skip :)) halfway through the date or just not show up at all :)))

and have you and javier go on :)the date alone :)) so its just the two of you :) WOW

listen i dont make the rules but you and javier definitely walk in the next day together,, holding fucking hands perhaps?? im- i need to go sob

[necroticneurosis]

dream talk. gets long. dont think too hard on it.

i was sitting on a couch scrolling social media on my phone, and a few other people were there, chatting away, when someone else walked in. i glanced up to see gerard, thought "oh, its him", then looked back down at my phone. the other people started getting excited, asking for signatures photos and hugs. i didnt acknowledge him nor share everyones excitement. he walked closer to me, leaning against the half wall nearest the couch i was lounging on, and asked the room "anyone else want a signature?" it was directed at me, the guy whos treating him like everyone else. it was said as if it was nothing. a kind of "im used to this so if you want a picture or something ill give you one, no biggie". i caved and handed him a cd that he wasnt even on.

a few minutes pass and i realize the fans arent there anymore and the room has changed, though i wouldnt be able to tell you what was different. gerards sat on the couch with me now. im still scrolling social media but my hearts beating a little faster as i try to ignore him being closer to me. of me feeling something i cant quite place. hes treating me like weve always known eachother, like were friends, like ive known him since... anyway, i realize hes sitting on my feet. we both apologize for it, awkwardly. we both feel we need to act less casual than we feel we should. i mean, were friends, arent we? weve known eachother for years... havent we? but we both know thats not true. even though we feel differently.

the room has changed even more now. theres a couple cameras pointed at the couch, a few screens, big lights and mics and all. a doorway to the left. everyone else walks in, along with sound techs. gerard stands, with one last look at me, a strange look in his eyes, then goes to talk with mikey and a tech. i move over to were gerard was sitting and frank sits next to me, bob next to him, ray behind/to the side of the couch. i refused to look at frank. i felt strange seeing him, feeling him beside me, outside of me, instead of...

...well, its a livestream of some form. its for something important, something big. the chat starts flowing well before the cameras start rolling. franks already cracking jokes and rays feeding it. i realize im part of the show, like a "one lucky fan gets to sit with the band!" kind of thing. like i won some raffle or something. it made me queasy. im not a fan. i dont listen to them. i dont- im not-...

cameras rolling. techs are doing things. gerards watching. rays doing the most talking, i dont know what exactly, im not paying much attention. im looking at myself in the livestream, thinking i look strange. i look odd. i look like my body does now. i look at frank in the corners of my eyes, but never high enough to see his face, though i wouldnt be able to through his hair anyhow. i look at his tattoos and his hands, that get too close too me for comfort. my stomach is in knots. the red ink feels blinding. it tugs something i didnt know i had deep inside my heart. numbers. pictures. ink. memories. i look away.

hes telling jokes, constant jokes, one after another. chat eats it up. they love him. i dont understand why. they cut to commercial, and hes talking with everyone, laughing. theres an edge to his voice. do they hear it too? breaks almost over and he starts stancing up to play it off like he was fucking about doing something stupid and reckless while chat couldnt see us. they lose their minds again, laughing, calling him an idiot, the works. all i can think is "is this all you do? is this all you do, seriously, you only joke? is that really how you hide your pain, through relentless jokes? enough already for fucks sa-"

mikey walks behind the couch to the other side of the room. chat lights up like a firecracker, explosions of "WAY SPOTTED!!!!!!" and the like. they keep asking where gerard is, and completely ignoring bob. rays chatting away and feeding into franks antics. im feeling antsy and im sick to my stomach.

i dont know why im there. i dont know why theres two of me. i dont know whats going on. all i feel is nausea and stomach pain and i wished everyone would stop looking at me, at both of me, stop laughing at my-his-franks jokes. i just want to hang out with my best friend again. the guy who isnt my best friend. the guy who i only met an hour ago. the guy who doesnt even know me. the guy who keeps looking at me from across the room.

and now im dreaming about gerard again about everyone again im going to be sick and its only 7 in the damn morning

[something--wicked]

I.am.tired. "can we all agree that billy is a villain and" or "can we all let him be a villain" No. We cannot ALL AGREE. Why WHY are people so obsessed with their viewpoint being the one and only true one of a planet over 7 bilion people? You want to see Billy as villain? Go ahead, the fuck do I care. But why have the arrogance of wanting everyone to agree with this? It is SO annoying I don't know how to deal with this anymore... Sorry for coming to you with this but you and several other blogs I follow are my heroes for having the energy and courage to call certain people out on their bullshit with class and facts while I can't and instead hide behind anonymity... Thank you. <3

hi anon im sorry im just now seeing this message!! but yes i agree and thank you for the kind words. i welcome you and anyone else to come to me with anything if you wanna chat or if you just want to rant its totally fine!! my response under the cut bc i went on a bit of a rant myself lol

I agree that it is extremely annoying and exhausting (which is why i dont really get involved, instead i just say things in the tags and reblog things others have said) because honestly i dont have the time or energy to constantly fight a losing battle against strangers on the internet who dont know me or my life. Honestly you shouldn't give me much credit because i dont fight nearly as much as others in this fandom do, i sort of just mind my business most of the time lol. I commend the ones who do actively engage with antis and try to have discussions with them! If i were better with words and had more time id be right there with them. Honestly, the reason its so bad right now is because st is so popular in the mainstream rn. Once the hype dies down, itll get better, and once the show ends itll get wayyy better. (honestly thats why im glad my favorite shows are older/lesser known. Like, no one is getting this worked up about fringe lol)

When it comes to antis, unfortunately, people have always been obsessed with their viewpoint being the correct one. Since our species gained sentience the thing weve used it for the most is to fight with other humans over who is right and who is wrong. religion, politics, wars are fought in the name of one viewpoint being right and better than the others. Not to compare fandom drama to literal war and historical events, but you see my point. Its just the way people are. People can be kind and arrogant and nice and nasty. We all have the capacity and the right to get upset when our views are challenged, but what matters is how we respond. I literally used to be a billy anti, (i was 17 and still living with my abusers, had a really fucked up worldview) i wasnt rabid about it and didnt really talk about it but i agreed with people when they said he was racist and a bad person and didnt think twice about his character. (honestly forgot he existed until recently.) but eventually, i grew up, i got out, and i got help. I didnt even like billy until less than a year ago. im 23 now, and im a very different person than i was when i was 17. I went back into the st fandom spaces when st4 came out and somehow ended up in the billy corner, and i listened to what they had to say. And i realized that i was wrong, and changed my opinion. I started to see what i couldnt before. I even talked to my therapist about it (and even her, my 72 year old fan of stranger things therapist, agreed that billy is the most complex and interesting character) and using him and his story, I was finally, after almost 6 years of being free from my abusers, was able to talk to her about what I went through and start processing my trauma. I realized how similar lives me and billy lived. I realized that i wished someone would have helped him the way my loved ones helped me. I wish all antis had the capacity to have calm back and forth discussions about the media that they claim to be fans of, but not everyone is capable of that. This is the internet. Most people here are incapable of that. All media is meant to be discussed and interpreted and debated. Its an art form meant to make you think, not something to base your moral compass and worldviews on. Despite that, Billy’s story is something that many real people go through, and insisting that someone who relates to his abuse and wants to explore it in a fandom space (art, fic, etc) is an evil person just because you personally don’t like his character is just straight up disgusting.

So for the ones who just want to ask questions and discuss things, thats fine. Most of us are happy to talk. For the ones who just want to troll, invade our space, say inflammatory things and hurt people just because we have differing opinions on a fictional character? The best thing to do is just block them and move on. Because they dont want their minds changed, they just want to cause drama for the sake of drama because their own lives are so sad and empty that they need a strangers vitriol to fill the attention void. They're just schoolyard bullies, desperate for a reacton. And i deal with them the same way i dealt with bullies in my school days: id stare blankly at them until they got bored or uncomfortable and left me alone. Because all they're looking for is a reaction, and i refused to give them one. I deal with anon hate the same way. Before i started posting about billy, i got anon hate maybe once or twice in the twelve years ive been here. Now, i get it at least once a week. And im not even a dedicated billy hargrove blog. I just post whatever catches my eye at that moment, so i cant even imagine what its like for the people in the fandom who are completely dedicated to billy. But my followers have never and will never see the anon hate i get, and the senders will never see my response to it. Because you know what i do with anon hate? I delete it. I delete it and forget it ever existed. Eventually, when they see that im not responding, they give up and stop. Its slowed down considerably, so i guess theyre getting tired lol. Non-reaction is a totally valid way of handling harassment, and the most successful one, in my experience. I dont need to fight to prove to strangers behind a screen that im not a racist or an abuser or evil just because they say that i am for liking a fictional character. I know im not racist, and i know im not an abuser, and i know im not evil. Im a regular person who does their best to be kind and respectful to everyone and be better every day. Im a regular person who goes to work, hangs out with friends, takes care of family, looks at silly little memes on the internet, minds my business, and lives my life.

Dont ever feel bad for not engaging in discourse. Whether its because its taxing to your mental health or you dont have the energy or because you just dont want to, youre not obligated to do anything. You arent losing points by sitting back on the sidelines and letting others fight. Its social media, not a life or death warzone. If all you wanna do is reblog some posts and chill then more power to you. Thats what i do for the most part. I very rarely ever get involved in anything, cuz im content to sit over here in my corner and reblog things, and not let things people say on the internet affect me in real life because none of it matters. Just because antis forget that life outside of internet fandom exists doesnt mean we have to as well.