#i think that might be one of the things hindering my writing.

[s-awturn]

Other Plans || F1 Grid

cw: babies being cute, still a little anguish, overcoming, deliverance (hehehehe) and I don't know what else to say. Spanish, French, and some poorly translated Dutch, blame Google.

starring: LH44, CS55, CL16, LN4, OP81, MV1,

a/n: I rarely get requests for part 2, so don't judge me if I'm excited here. I loved writing the first part and I hope to make the second part just as good.

f i r s t p a r t

LEWIS HAMILTON.

You never regretted leaving.

As you might have guessed, Lewis never called or cared and even though you knew he wouldn't call, it didn't hurt any less. You had hopes that he would care, that he would come around, but he never took a step towards you and you wouldn't make the first move. You and the baby — a healthy, restless girl —didn’t need him.

The first few months were not easy, by God, dealing with all the changes of pregnancy, the demands of work, as well as cleaning and organizing your home was the hardest thing in the world.

But it was all worth it when you held your little girl in your arms for the first time. Bree was beautiful and had powerful lungs, because she cried so loudly when you laughed with happiness at having her. Not even the fact that she had the same eyes as Lewis shook his happiness. She was yours, and nothing in the world would change that.

You, your mother and Bree were walking down one of the streets of London looking for Christmas decorations, Bree was on your lap, looking at everything curiously, you hadn't taken her to London yet, both because you wanted her to get used to the climate and the quiet life in Naples and because of fear, you still didn't feel ready to face Lewis, because you knew he was always in England, mainly in the capital.

“Mamma, look!” she pointed to the store across the street, with the Christmas decorations you were looking for. You gave a proud smile and kissed her cheek.

“Good job, little bee, let’s go get our colorful balls from Santa Claus” you crossed the street and due to carelessness, you ended up tripping over someone. “Oops, sorry, I didn’t y-...” you started to say, however your voice trailed off as you recognized fucking Lewis Hamilton.

“Y/N?” His eyes, identical to Bree’s, widened as he recognized you and the baby in your arms. You straightened up, hugging Bree against you.

“Lewis, how are you?” you said cordially, but there was no sympathy in your voice.

“Mhmm, Well, I'm fine... And you?”

“Wonderfully,” you remained impassive. “Well, Merry Christmas, Lewis,” you said, walking past him until your name was called by the pilot.

“I thought you would give me news...” he hesitated for a few seconds “news about her” Lewis’ eyes fell on Bree, who was looking at him with the same curiosity.

“And why should I, Lewis? You said you didn’t want to have a baby, that it would hinder your career.” You hit a nerve with Lewis, because since your departure, he couldn't help but wonder if he had done the right thing. “I had no obligation and have no obligation to give you news about my daughter.”

He came closer and you kept Bree away from him, you accepted and healed from the pain Lewis caused you, but you wouldn't allow him to do the same to your sweet little girl. Bree didn't deserve to be hurt by Lewis's selfishness.

“She’s mine too, Y/N, you can’t stop me from seeing her” he said and you finally lost your patience, so you asked your mother to take Bree to the store, you would meet them in a few minutes.

“Don’t use that horrible argument with me, Lewis Hamilton!” you pointed your finger in his face. “You made it clear that you didn’t want her! You never called to find out about her, not for me or my mother, so don’t come with ‘she’s mine too’ because I won’t fall for that! You didn't even think twice before saying you didn't want her! And now you want to demand your rights? What the fuck rights do you think you have?”

He took a step back, Lewis didn't expect you to have such an intense outburst of anger.

“Y/N, I-I wanted to turn things around, go after you,” he bit his lip, thinking about how to continue, “but I was embarrassed... But now I'm willing-...”

“But I’m not willing, Bree doesn’t need you, I don’t.” you said emphatically “My daughter doesn’t need you, your regret or anything that comes from you!”

He tried to articulate some sentence, but no sound came out of his mouth.

“Oh, that is if you have any shame, of course. But don’t worry, when Bree grows up, I’ll tell her about you and she’ll decide whether she wants you in her life or not.” You assured “Until then, continue being the ghost you have been for these two years”

And without giving him a chance to respond, you follow your mother and Bree into the store, trying to ignore the panic that was ravaging your entire body, you felt like you were about to faint. But hearing Bree's spontaneous, sweet laugh was like feeling a cool breeze on a hot day; you didn't know how, but you were sure that Lewis would stay away.

And you didn't lie, Bree didn't need him, and neither did you. Your job was more than enough to maintain and take care of all of Bree's needs, you didn't lie when you said he wasn't needed, in nothing.

Finally you could sleep peacefully knowing that Lewis was what he wanted to be in your lives, a shadow.

On the sidewalk, Lewis saw you enter the store and through the window, he could see you and Bree together, it was clear how much the little girl was loved and well cared for. Lewis tried to imagine what the two years he had lost of his life, of the life of the daughter whose name he didn't even know, had been like. He thought of all the little moments he had missed.

There were few things Lewis truly regretted in his life, and letting you go and not being able to see Bree grow up was, without a doubt, the biggest regret he carried.

CARLOS SAINZ.

Sometimes you wondered how you had the courage to consider the idea of giving your twins up for adoption. You weren't lying when you said that the twins were the best part of your life. At five years old, the identical twins made your days in the French capital — the city you moved to after breaking up with Carlos — much happier and more joyful.

You didn't even care if the two of them were little carbon copies of the Carlos; Santiago, the older twin, seemed to have inherited much of Carlos' personality, he was a little reserved and even shy and loved board games, preferred books to any electronic game and loved football, while Martín had a lot of you in him, expansive and restless, your youngest son loves logic games like Rubik's cube and puzzles and was completely addicted to any kind of racing.

And they were little fanatical Atlético de Madrid fans, which you found sweet irony.

And it was this love for the Spanish club that convinced you to take them to Spain, so that the two could watch the Madrid Derby at the Cívitas Metropolitano, Atlético's official stadium in the city of Madrid. Thanks to your work as a digital influencer, you could give your twins the experience of watching the game directly from the stadium's box.

“C'est le meilleur cadeau d'anniversaire au monde! Merci maman!” (This is the best birthday present in the world! Thanks mommy!) Martín said, hugging you before running to the fence and seeing the field, where the players were warming up.

“Tu es la meilleure au monde, maman” (You are the best in the world, mommy) Santiago said before joining his brother at the railing. You sat down next to Andie.

“I didn’t think you were serious when you said you were going to bring them to Madrid just to watch the game,” her best friend said, also keeping her eyes on the twins.

“It’s their birthday and I had to come to Madrid anyway for work, so I thought I could combine business with pleasure... And I don’t plan on stopping my boys from having good experiences because of Carlos.”

In five years, you never received a text or call from Carlos to see how the twins were doing, or to see how you were handling things. Since their birth, it had been you, the twins, and Andie —she moved to Paris as well. You weren't lying, the first few months were horrible, you truly believed that you wouldn't be a good mother or be able to take care of two babies at the same time.

But Andie was an angel to you and your boys, helping you through the best and worst times. So much so that before long, Carlos was just an old and unwanted memory in your life.

When the game went into halftime, you and Andie took the boys to the snack bar in the box to get something to eat. You hadn't noticed that you were being watched since you entered the diner, Carlos had seen you, Andie and the boys entering. The pilot didn't expect to find you there, especially with two boys who looked like they were five years old.

Without thinking twice, he approached, keeping his eyes on the boys who wore Atlético shirts and their names on the back.

Santiago and Martín.

“Y/N?” he said fearfully, catching her attention. Carlos saw surprise flash in her eyes, but as quickly as it appeared, it was replaced by icy indifference. "How long"

“That’s right, it’s been a long time.” You placed your hands on the boys’ shoulders, aware that they were both shocked.

“C'est Carlos Sainz” Martín spoke softly to Santiago with wide eyes, not that Carlos was his favorite pilot, but the boy didn't expect you to know the pilot.

“These are Martín and Santiago, my sons.” You said, introducing the boys, watching the astonishment appear on Sainz’s face.

“What’s up guys? Enjoying the game?” he said, after a few seconds of shock. You knew what was going on in his head, Carlos was doing the math.

“We don’t talk to Real Madrid fans,” Santiago said with indifference and pulled Martín away from Carlos. You were so surprised that you laughed out loud, watching Carlos’ discomfort grow even more.

“I’m going after the brats and… And I think you guys need to talk,” Andie said, following the twins back to the to their seats.

You turned completely to Carlos, for a long time you missed him, especially when you wanted him to see the boys' first steps or when they spoke for the first time. You wanted him to see how special and good your children were, but he never cared.

It took a while, but eventually it stopped hurting.

Since then, all you felt was pity, because Martín and Santiago were absurdly adorable, loving and incredible children, anyone who could have them in their lives was lucky as hell.

“I didn't think I would go through with the pregnancy" he said and you sighed.

“And I wasn’t going to, but everything changed when I held them in my arms for the first time... I knew I could never leave them” you said and a smile appeared on your face.

“My parents would love to meet you... I would like to-” He starts to say but you interrupt him, already tired of that conversation.

“You wouldn’t like anything, Carlos, you have nothing to offer my boys but abandonment and cowardice,” you replied harshly.

He swallowed hard, Carlos looked embarrassed and regretful, but you didn't care, just like he didn't care about leaving you alone in that hospital.

“Y/N please understand, I wasn’t ready and-”

“I wasn’t either, Carlos,” you interrupted him, having no patience for his excuses. “I was simply thrown alone, in the middle of the hurricane, so if that’s your excuse, improve it.”

Your gaze towards him was hard, there really was nothing that could justify abandoning him.

“If it weren’t for Andie, I don’t even know where I would be right now! Maybe they’d both be in an orphanage or something, living on the streets.” Your voice was forceful, punishing, and accurate. “I almost, almost acted like a coward with them too, but I remembered that they had already lost their father, they couldn't be without their mother too.”

Carlos hunched over slightly, like you had just hit him in the face and damn, he wished you had.

“I will tell them about you, everything they want to know and if they want to look for you, I will not stop them, but until then, do not think that your presence near them will be welcome”

And you went back to where Andie and the boys were, you were surprised to notice that Martín hadn't taken his eyes off you for a moment. Your protective little boy...

You swallowed a painful sigh and stopped the tears from welling up in your eyes.

“Est-ce qu'il t'a fait du mal, maman?” (Did he hurt you, mommy?) He asked as soon as you sat down, you gave a calm smile and denied.

“It’s okay, honey, don’t worry.” you assured, sliding your fingers through his hair, Martín kept his eyes on you. “Are you enjoying the game?”

“Damn!” he said excitedly and you narrowed your eyes.

“What language is that, young man?” you asked, and he smiled as if he had been caught red-handed.

“It was an accident, mommy... Don't be mad, please,” he asked, making the same lost puppy face that Carlos had. My God, you thought it was impossible for them to look so much alike, but the twins were in fact carbon copies of Carlos.

“Go watch the game, I’m watching you” he nodded and ran to Santiago’s side, you sighed and saw Andie sit next to you. “I thought it would be worse”

“Me too... But you did well, to be honest, I thought you were going to throw the chair at him” Andie confessed and you laughed.

“Almost... I'll tell them the truth when we get back to Paris... And I'll let them decide whether they want to approach him or not.” you said, trying to keep your nervousness from setting in ahead of schedule. You would deal with the consequences when they came, that moment was just about the boys, would not spoil it with anxious thoughts and nervousness.

On the other side of the box, Carlos couldn't pay attention to the game, his mind was divided between the game and you and the twins. Carlos thought about how selfish he had been, he thought about how he would like to go back in time and change everything, to be able to live every little moment with you and the boys.

Carlos would like to be less stupid, but there was no way anymore.

CHARLES LECLERC.

After almost seven years, you were back in France, your parents were asking — or demanding, depending on your point of view — that you and Vivienne spend Mother's Day in the south of France. It was the first time since Vivienne was born that you had returned to Europe and although you loved the feeling of being home again, you couldn't help but be apprehensive, after all you didn't know if you were prepared for the possibility of meeting Charles. But you didn't let those thoughts ruin Vivienne's experience, the girl looked like she was going to explode at any moment with so much happiness.

The two of you took the train from Paris to Bordeaux, and Vivienne couldn't tear herself away from the window, enchanted by the romantic landscape of the French countryside, she commented on every little thing, unable to contain the excitement that made her shine.

“Let’s go to the dining car, amour, You need to eat.” You called her, trying to attract the girl’s attention, who seemed much more interested in the castle that disappeared through the train window.

“Will there be croissants, maman?” Vivienne finally turned away from the window.

“Of course, amour. Let’s go before they eat it all, shall we?” you led her out into the hallway, Vivienne chattered on and on, listing the things she had liked the most so far, that's why she still made a point of greeting the other passengers.

“It’s more beautiful here than Montreal, Mom...”

“Would you like to live here?”

She stopped in the hallway for a few seconds before turning to you, the indecision was clear on her little face “I don’t think so, I would miss home... And my friends, but we can come on vacation?”

“We can come to France whenever possible, amour.” you assured her.

The dining car was half full, but that wasn't what caught his attention, but rather coming across such familiar crystal-clear eyes. You knew the chances of meeting Charles in France were 50-50, but you didn't expect it to happen so quickly; suddenly you remembered why you spent so long away from your homeland. You saw Charles' smile disappear and his gaze fall on the girl in front of him, who, although she didn't look exactly like him, carried many of Leclerc's features in her own features.

“Let's sit at the table by the window, okay maman?” Vivienne asked, skipping over to the empty table, she didn’t even look to the side as she passed Charles.

"Of course, papillon, (butterfly) we can sit wherever you want.” You said, thankful that your voice came out steady, without showing the mess that was inside you.

You made Vivienne sit with her back to Charles, listening to the girl talk excitedly about the fields full of vineyards and the lavender plantations. Vivienne knew from the age of five because it was just you and her, you didn't want to wait too long to tell her the truth behind why just you were the one who went to the Father's Day presentations at her school. You remembered the pain tearing through your chest as you comforted your little girl who went to sleep crying for weeks on end, or all the times she asked why her father didn't like her. You wouldn't let anything bring that pain to Vivienne again, even if you had to throw Charles Leclerc out the train window.

“You��re not the waiter.” Vivienne’s inquisitive voice snapped you out of your reverie and you looked up to find Charles standing next to your table. Panic spread through you like wildfire. Vivienne knew that the man standing next to the table was her father, you didn't do much to hide it. “If you’re not the waiter, why did you come?”

“You have your mother’s sharp tongue,” he said, and you noticed the shadow of a smile on his face. “I’m Charles—”

“Leclerc, I know, I watch TV” she said, crossing her fingers on the table, you blinked a little dazed and took control of the situation, Vivienne didn't need to face a situation like that, not with you around to protect her, as you had been doing since her birth.

“What do you want, Charles?” you questioned seriously, the seven years away from him made you create a strong shield against the pilot's charm. He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at you, there was no anger or contempt in his gaze, it had taken you the same seven years to understand that it had all been a huge failure in communication, however, that did not allow this to cause any more harm to Vivienne.

“I...” he stuttered, his gaze going from you to Vivienne without stopping “I came to greet you and...” he left the sentence hanging in the air, waiting for you or your daughter to reveal her name.

“You don’t need to know my name,” Vivienne said and your eyes widened.

You saw Charles' mouth open in pure astonishment, if you weren't expecting an answer like that, imagine him.

“What do you want, Charles? I don’t remember inviting you to join us,” you teased, enjoying his discomfort. You could forgive what had happened years ago, after all it wasn't anyone's fault he didn't want kids, but you fucking couldn't forget how it destroyed Vivienne for weeks. “Your girlfriend is waiting for you, and you are disturbing us.”

“Y/N I wanted to say that I'm sorry that all of this happened and...” his voice becomes a weak and distant thread, you just shake your head and raise your hand.

“There is nothing to be forgiven, Charles. That's in the past, there's no reason to bring it up again," you said sincerely, letting out a tired sigh. You wanted it to end soon, you wanted to get to Bordeaux soon. “Forget about it, leave everything in the past and go back to your girlfriend, we've been fine the last seven years without you, the next seven will be even easier, don't waste time worrying about us, we don't need you.”

He hadn't meant to be cruel or rude, but he wouldn't allow a sliver of it to reach Vivienne. Charles just nodded and walked away, you looked at Vivienne, who had tears in her eyes.

“Ma princesse,” you grabbed her hand, watching the little girl swallow her tears and give a weak smile.

“It’s okay, mom, I have you, it’s okay,” she said and went back to looking at the landscape through the window. You noticed that Charles had left. “I don’t need a father who didn’t want me”

You left the chair you were in and went to hug Vivienne, letting the girl feel how much she was loved, how much she didn't need Charles “I'm so proud of you, darling, so proud”

Outside, Charles was hyperventilating, he hadn't expected it to end like this, nor had he expected it to feel like a punch to his stomach. Suddenly, he questioned whether the choices he had made over the past seven years were good. But it didn't matter anymore, he had lost you and any chance of having... Having a family he never wanted.

It was already too late.

LANDO NORRIS.

Jordan looked at the cupcake with bright eyes, you wanted to cry when you saw the smile on your little boy's face. It was late afternoon and you wanted Jordan to be able to celebrate his first birthday on the beach, creating sand castles and playing with water.

“Happy birthday, my baby, I wish you to be blessed with happiness and love throughout your life.” you whispered, helping him blow out the candle. Jordan chuckled, grabbing the icing, smearing the blue sweetness all over his face. You let Jordan play in the sand and thought about everything that led them to that little beach in Spain.

After breaking up with Lando and receiving a court order that he didn't want to be related to you or the baby, you didn't know what to do with your life, I had a college degree, good internship experiences, but no one would hire a pregnant woman. With limited options and no support network, you've relied on the most unstable form of work: the internet. Your life wasn't the most glamorous or adventurous in the world, but people enjoyed watching you. You didn't care about fame or being known in places, you just wanted to make sure you could take care of the baby, make sure he always had a roof over his head and food on the table. No matter what shit you would do to make sure Jordan lacked for nothing.

Anything but crawling after Lando, begging for help or whatever the hell he could give.

You let Jordan play until he got tired, and only when the boy was almost asleep in the sand, you picked him up and decided to go back to the hotel. You balanced Jordan on your lap as you searched for your room key when you heard your name being called. You didn't expect to find Lando Norris in the lobby of the hotel you were staying at.

Not even by a miracle.

“What do you want here, Norris?” you asked, but you didn’t give him time to answer, you just continued on your way to the elevator. You heard him follow you and kept Jordan out of his sight.

“I want to talk to you,” he said tentatively. You stood in the opposite corner of the elevator, as far away from Lando as possible. “Is it his birthday?”

“And why does that matter to you, Norris? You’re nothing to him,” you said dryly, giving him a hard look.

He didn't even know what to answer, you couldn't understand what he was doing there, not after a year and seven months, not after that damn letter. What did he want there? Guarantee you wouldn't ask him for money? Ridiculous.

“If you want to know if I need your money, don’t worry, we don’t need anything from you”

Lando exhaled, you wouldn't give him a step, leaving him frustrated.

“I didn’t come for this... I know you’re... You’re dealing with everything well, I wanted...”

“What do you want, Norris? To see if I'm trying to scam someone to support my son? Being a gold digger?”

“Y/N I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, been...”

“What do you regret? Saying that I got pregnant so you could support me? That I wanted to pull the pregnancy scam on you? Or have you come to give me another court notice to deny your parentage with Jordan? If that's the case, don't worry, if it's up to me, your name will never be on Jordan's birth certificate.”

If shame had a portrait, it would be Lando's face.

“Please understand my side...”

“Your side, Norris? I was pregnant and you sent me away!!” you growled, trying not to wake Jordan in your arms. “I didn’t want money, I wanted support! I wanted you!”

You scoffed at the tears in his eyes, none of them made up for the times you cried alone, scared of the uncertain future you could have. If he thought you would be moved by his crying, he couldn't be more wrong. The elevator doors opened and you walked out, not caring about him following you.

“I’m sorry, I was scared!”

“I was too!” you lost your patience and heard Jordan’s whimpers. “Were you scared? Don’t be a hypocrite, Lando.”

“Let me... Let me apologize, let me take care of you two.”

“You can swallow your apologies, they’re worth nothing to me or Jordan, and as for your care…” you laughed “I won’t tell you what to do with it out of respect for my son.”

And with that, you slammed the door in his face. Hoping that Lando would go back to the same place he had come from.

MAX VERSTAPPEN.

Just as nothing hurt you more than Max's distrust, Annelise's birth healed you in immeasurable ways. The little girl became the little Sun in your world, illuminating corners you thought you would no longer visit after the breakup with Max.

When you left his house in Monaco, you spent a few days on standby, thinking about what to do, you had no one else to support you. You didn't know how, but before you knew it, you were standing on Sophie's doorstep in Belgium, you didn't expect to have the support of your ex-mother-in-law, but Sophie welcomed you with open arms, outraged by Max's attitude.

Sophie welcomed you as if you were her own daughter, helped you choose an apartment in Brussels — even though she wanted you to stay with her for as long as it took, she helped you in the first few months after Annelise was born.

Now, two years later, Annelise was spending so much time at her grandmother's house that Sophie had set up a room for her.

“Sophie, for God’s sake, don’t spoil Anne like that,” you scolded her, seeing the woman click her tongue and shrug, you knew your sermons would do no good, Sophie would continue buying gifts for Annelise.

“Nah, it’s nothing big and you know I’m not stopping any time soon,” she admitted, bouncing the little girl on her lap, Annelise was very entertained by the new teddy bear Sophie had brought. “How was the job interview? Did you get the job?”

You had applied for a job at the health center near your home, the hours were great, the pay was worth it, you just needed to find someone to look after Sophie.

“I was selected, but I need to find a good nanny to take care of Anne...”

“Y/N don’t be silly, you know I will take care of Anne with the greatest pleasure, I love taking care of her.”

“Sophie, I don’t want to give you any trouble...” you started to try to argue.

“Mom! I’m home... Y/N?” you saw Max standing in the middle of the room, staring at you in surprise, then looking at Annelise on Sophie’s lap.

“Max, you didn’t tell me you were coming, come in, I made your favorite cake, go get it from the kitchen, dear” Sophie said, she knew you weren’t ready to talk to Max yet, but the Dutchman had different plans.

You held your arms out to Annelise, who didn't think twice before jumping into your lap, you did your best to avoid Max's gaze.

“We’re going, Sophie... I’ll let you know when we get home,” you said in a whisper and crossed the room towards the exit, but Max grabbed your bicep, stopping you from leaving.

“We need to talk, Y/N... Just five minutes, please,” he said quietly, as soothingly as he could.

“We have nothing to talk about, Max.”

“Please, just five minutes,” he begged, giving Annelise a quick glance in his lap.

“Five minutes, no more.” You said, releasing your arm from his grip. “Sophie, can you take Anne please?”

“Of course, it’s no sacrifice for me, is it, mon bebé?”

Finally you and Max were alone, you were uncomfortable to the point that your skin felt itchy.

“I didn’t expect to see you here… I thought you would stay in Monaco”

“I had nothing to keep me in Monaco, I saw no reason to stay there, and Sophie welcomed me as if I were her daughter,” you said, putting your hands in your coat pockets. “Get to the point, Max, I have to go...”

He licked his lips nervously. “I wanted to talk about our daughter.”

“No, no, calm down, you don’t have a daughter, at least not with me, Annelise is my daughter and mine alone, your participation in her conception was purely accidental.” You said it without any emotion.

“I know I said stupid things that night, Y/N, but I want to make up for every single one of them, with you and with the girl” he said and you scoffed.

“Oh really? And what makes you think you have any right to her?”

“Y/N I’m her father” he said patiently, as he always was with you, until that night at least.

“Unless you request a DNA test, there is nothing to prove your paternity over Annelise,” you determined, taking a step towards him, “and don’t think I’m an idiot, Max, you always knew I was in Brussels with your mother, Sophie told you that the same day I arrived, because I highly doubt she didn't give you the biggest lecture of your life that night.”

He looked away, proving his point “and yet you never cared, you didn’t come to her birthday, or call when she had pneumonia, you didn’t even know her name until today, So please don't lie to me saying that you regret it or that you want to be a part of her life.”

You pressed your fingers to your temples, already feeling the pains of the inevitable migraine.

“Annelise will eventually find out about you, but until then, don't go near her, I won't allow you to be cruel to my daughter the way you were to me.” That was your final sentence before you went to get Annelise with Sophie. You didn't want to have to share oxygen with him any more than necessary. Max belonged to a past you didn't want to revisit.

He stood still in place, watching you leave with the girl, without giving you another look.

“There are stupid people, and then there’s you, Max,” Sophie said, approaching her son. “I find it absurd how you inherited Jos’s worst traits...”

He couldn't help but agree, Max was fucking dumb.

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Some who requested to be tagged on the taglist unfortunately could not be located, if I forgot someone, please complain on ask, thank you, management.

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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO S-AWTURN™ 🪐. I do not allow copying or republication. Any unauthorized publication will be reported.

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[lale-txt]

✱ confessing to you w/ Gojo, Nanami, Higuruma & gn!reader

@snailor-bee asked: LALEEEEE!!! (o゜▽゜)o♥ WHAT'S THIS I HEAR?? REQUESTS ARE OPEN?? FOR MORE FANDOMS?? You just know I just gotta... May I please request Gojo, Higuruma, and Nanami trying to confess to reader? (*/ω＼*) Like headcanons/drabbles whichever. I just think it's real cute. And you're real cute. It just works out perfectly, hehe. Hoping you're doing well!! ;3; Sending you hugs and kisses!!

a/n: BEE my sweet (´⌣`ʃƪ) it feels like forever since i for around writing something for you, so i was super excited when you sent something in for me! i had a lot of fun writing these small drabbles, i hope they're to your liking! ps: i think YOU are super cute love you ok bye

➸ 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐: Geto, Toji & Shiu

❦ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎

Gojo is used to being fawned on. He has the good looks and he knows. Keeps running his mouth without any consequences because there simply are none when you’re Gojo Satoru. The strongest. The balance of the world depends on him. He’s untouchable.

And then there’s you, who is tearing his whole act down with such ease, it makes his heart stop.

You don’t fuss over him and you don’t bow before him. His name doesn’t fall out of your mouth as if he was a deity, someone holy; and still it’s the sweetest sound he has ever heard. When you call out for him, Gojo wants to be there in an instant. There’s this unknown calmth whenever he’s with you, his heart feeling lightweight somehow. He’s drawn to you like the tide to the moon.

For someone as grand as Gojo, he loves so quietly. 

He can’t bring himself to say those words out loud, as if they carried a weight that threatened what you two have. Still, he doesn’t know what to do with all this love; he never learned where to put it down. You can handle it, can you? The burden and the curse of being loved? You wouldn’t be scared to love him back, right?

So Gojo makes sure to show you his love in the most mundane things, so there’s no room for doubt just how tight he holds you in his heart. Midnight strolls to the candy aisle at the supermarket. I love you. A hand on the small of your back when you’re moving through a large crowd. I love you. Your fingertips brushing over his long white lashes while he rests his weary head in your lap under the cherry blossoms. I love you. 

It’s only when you kiss him one night, in the middle of the parking lot, that those big words get caught in his throat. Six eyes aren’t enough to comprehend the feeling in his chest when his big hands cup your face, as if he wants to hinder you from ever pulling away from him. It would be so easy to mumble his confession against your lips, but you already know. So instead he simply kisses you back, sweeping you off your feet when you lose your balance from being on your tiptoes. 

He smiles when you shush him with another kiss. He doesn’t need to say it out loud; you know, you’ve always known.

❦ 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈

Nanami’s confession is apologetic.

The words have been weighing on his heart until one night, they just fall out of his mouth. Maybe he had one drink too many, not enough to be drunk, but enough to loosen his tongue. His thumb rubbing over the rim of his glass, his shirt slightly unbuttoned, his tie not so accurate anymore. He isn’t looking at you; it’s easier if his gaze doesn’t catch yours, if his eyes can’t wander to your lips. Your hands are next to each other on the bar counter, almost touching. He could close the distance so easily, but he’s aware that he wouldn’t be able to let go of your hand anymore.

“I’m in love with you.”

His voice is low, whisky-raspy. The silence that follows isn’t uncomfortable; it’s a warmth that’s surrounding you like a veil. At this moment, it’s just you and him. In another life, this could have been so easy, couldn’t it? In a life where he doesn't have to worry about fighting curses, and the horrors humans are capable of, and about the day he might not come back home to you from work. He wouldn’t have to break your heart like that.

“So deeply, utterly in love with you.”

In another life, you could have had it all. The shared books on the nightstand, the matching rings on your fingers, the messy blankets in the morning. Maybe he was being greedy, yearning for this. He couldn’t help himself when you tugged on his heartstrings like that. He tried to fight it, this attraction to you; but the more he tried to keep his distance, the more he yearned for a glimpse of your attention. Your bright smile from the other side of the room–it should have been enough. And still…

“I hope you can forgive me.”

Was it really greed that made him cradle your face in his palms, gazing into your eyes before leaning in for a kiss? No… no. But he knows he can never let go of you now, not when he tasted the sweetness of your lips. Not when you kiss him back with such hunger, years of yearning unraveling in this very moment. Not when forgiveness lies on the tip of your tongue, asking to be devoured. All he can do is hope that when his time comes, you’ll let him pick up the pieces of your broken heart and that the light of your love will guide him somewhere south; back to the warmth the two of you feel in this very moment with his lips on yours. 

❦ 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔𝐌𝐀

Higuruma has no doubt in his heart regarding his feelings for you. They’re clear as day to him. His heart leaps in his chest when you enter a room and your laughter washes away all of his exhaustion for a bit. 

He studied you from afar for a long time; he can read all of your small gestures and expressions like a language only you and him know. The way your tongue pokes out between your lips when you’re in deep focus, reading over a file from a case you’re working on with him. Your fingertips picking up a tiny piece of lint from his suit before you enter the courtroom together and the small smile playing on your lips when he looks over his shoulder to catch what you’re doing. That one strand of hair that seems to be loose no matter how often you try to tuck it away, much to your annoyance and his adoration. 

“I’d like to ask you out.”

His words are as clear as his intentions. Higuruma is a straightforward man, not brash but gentle in his own way. With him, you don’t have to wonder what's between you two, he’ll tell you what’s on his mind and he’ll expect the same from you. Never pushy, but longing for connection, for mutual understanding. He sees no point in hiding his feelings and he knows you’re clever, you’ve probably had them figured out anyway. 

Higuruma and you have to face them daily, the abysses of the human mind. It’s easy to let your heart go cold over them, to lose a bit of your own humanity. And yet, when your eyes meet, it’s all forgotten. It’s like he can see the essence of your soul and you can see his and it’s all golden; so golden.

You don’t pull away when his fingers weave between yours one night when you leave the office together. He feels a sense of relief wash over him in this moment, not because he was afraid that you wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings, but because his world got a bit brighter in this moment, a bit warmer. He missed this for much longer than he’d admit.

To Higuruma, loving you comes easy. It feels as natural as breathing. It calms him, as if you’re the eye of a storm. And so he doesn’t even hesitate to say those words out loud, almost stating them like a matter of fact, and sealing them with a kiss. Guilty of loving you.

[mikajunie]

rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)

this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

some things u gotta remember

shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.

your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.

shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.

instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.

shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself

shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.

what should u do?

basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.

examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.

why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?

reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.

remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.

calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.

now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.

WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.

train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.

ok hope this helps.

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

hello!! so i know ive never sent in an ask/request but.. ive been following you for a while and i love your writing style!! so i was wondering if youd be comfortable writing something where the mc/reader has tourettes syndrome? as someone who has tics it makes me lowkey sad that i never see any fics that represent that :/ (i think ive maybe read one..) so if youre comfortable with this sort of thing i have 2 scenarios that i was thinking of!!

texts with fem!reader where maybe a friend was trying to set a skz member and reader on a date and reader gets insecure thinking that he might not like her cause of her tics or think its weird? a little angst moment w a happy ending ofc :p

or headcanons/drabble of how you think a skz member(s) would be with an s/o that has tics? how they would handle tic attacks and such yk?

these are just suggestions ofc if you decide to do a reader w tics feel free to do whatever you feel like!! also i have no specific member i prefer just do whoever you see fit! or even ot8 :o

this was longer than i wanted it to be.. im so sorry :(… i love you tho and hope u have a great day/night!

(stay hydrated, you matter <3)

when i got this rec i immediately started working on it, because i think its important for people to know that they are seen. and if through one of my works i could help someone feel seen and cared for than thats what i want to do! in all honesty, i had to do a little research to better understand how to do my best to accurately represent TS; and i know it isn't perfect, but i hope it can at least be enough :) i hope you don't mind I kind of merged both of your ideas, since it came to my mind when i read through this request, and i think its a fun and wholesome way of showcasing this beautiful part about you. i know it must be extremley hard dealing with tourettes, as i've seen it in others lives, and it sometimes might be seen as a hinderance- but you were made this way with purpose, and i don't think that tourettes or anything of the sort should be seen as something ugly- but rather something that shaoes you and makes you you. i know that might seem cliche, but i beleive that differences are what what make people beautiful and i hope with these fics that shines thorugh <3 enjoy!!!

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When Their Blind Date Has Tourettes Syndrome | 3Racha

Tourette Syndrome (TS) is a neurological disorder characterized by repetitive, involuntary movements and vocalizations known as tics. These tics can be motor (such as blinking, head jerking, or facial grimaces) or vocal (such as grunting, throat clearing, or involuntary words or phrases). The severity and frequency of tics can vary greatly from person to person. TS often begins in childhood, and while symptoms can improve with age, they may persist into adulthood. The exact cause is unknown, but genetics and environmental factors are believed to play a role. The condition can often accompanied by other issues like ADHD or OCD.

Warnings: cursing

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Chan

The café was quiet, the kind of serene setting perfect for a blind date. But you couldn’t fully enjoy it- not with your nerves tangled like this.

When Chan arrived, his easy smile and warm energy made it a little easier to breathe, though the thought of what could go wrong lingered at the back of your mind.

He approached with a casual wave, his hoodie slightly oversized, making him look more approachable than you’d expected. “Y/N?” he asked, his Australian accent soft and cozy.

“That’s me,” you replied, your voice steadier than you felt.

“And I’m Chan,” he introduced himself, sliding into the seat across from you. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, same.” You smiled, tugging at the sleeve of your sweater.

The conversation started smoothly, easing into topics about work, hobbies, and mutual friends who had set you two up. But as your tics began surfacing- little jerks of your head, accompanied by muttered syllables- you noticed Chan’s gaze shift slightly. It wasn’t discomfort or judgment, though; it was curiosity, an openness that surprised you.

When a loud, unexpected swear escaped your lips- "Fuck! Shit!"- the words hanging awkwardly between you, your stomach dropped. The moment you’d dreaded was here. You braced yourself, heart racing.

“I…I should explain,” you started, your words hurried. “I have Tourette’s, and- uh - its the coprolalia kind." You laughed nervously. "It’s not all the time, but sometimes - goddammit - I just…swear. I promise I’m not trying to - fucking asshole - be rude or anything. I'm just involuntarily profane on occasion." You finshed with a click of your tongue.

Chan’s eyes softened, his brow furrowing slightly. “Y/N,” he said, his tone light, “you don’t need to apologize. Like you said, it’s not something you can control.”

“I just- I know it can be a lot,” you admitted, your voice wavering. “And I don’t want to mess this up, but…this is part of me, and I can’t always- ” Another tic interrupted you, louder this time. “Fucking hell!” The words burst out, and you winced, unable to stop yourself. “I already really like you,” you confessed in a rush, voice quieter now, “But if this is too much…”

Chan reached out across the table, his hand brushing yours gently. “Hey, Y/N, look at me.” His voice was soft but firm, grounding you. “It’s not too much, okay? You’re amazing, and this doesn’t change that.”

“But what if it gets worse?” you asked, the fear evident in your tone.

He smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Then I guess I’ll have to work on not laughing when you curse better than I do.” He commented, his dimple visible. He tilted his head playfully. “I mean, you’ve already got me beat. I can’t even cuss in my songs unless it’s wordplay.”

Despite yourself, a surprised laugh escaped your lips. The tension eased just a little, the weight of the moment lifting as you realized he wasn’t just accepting- he was embracing this part of you.

The rest of the date was easier after that. You talked about your favorite shows, your shared love of music, and even a bit about his work. But later, as you both stood at the café counter to pay, things took a turn.

A customer bumped into you, and you immediately spun to apologize.

“Oh I'm so- Asshole! Sorry, fuck!” The words tumbled out in quick succession, your face paling as the man turned to glare at you.

“What did you just say to me?” he demanded, his voice rising.

“I- I didn’t mean to!” you stammered, panic setting in as another tic followed. “Shut up! Oh my god, bitch fuck!”

“Are you kidding me?” The man stepped closer, anger flashing in his eyes.

Before you could respond, Chan was at your side, his presence a solid wall of protection. “Hey, back off,” he said firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. “She has Tourette’s. She didn’t mean it.”

The man scoffed. “Right, sure.”

Chan squared his shoulders, his expression calm but unyielding. “You heard me. She can’t control it. Now, do you want to keep making a scene, or are you going to walk away?”

After a moment of tense silence, the man muttered something under his breath and turned away. Chan stayed by your side, his hand brushing the small of your back as he looked at you. “You okay?”

Tears welled in your eyes, but you nodded, feeling both overwhelmed and touched by his defense. “I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t be.” He smiled softly, brushing a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “You don’t have to apologize for being you, Y/N.”

As you left the café together, the cool night air brushed against your face, but it didn’t feel as sharp as it had earlier. Not with Chan walking beside you, his presence steady and comforting. You looked at him, your heart full, and wondered if this was what it felt like to be truly understood.

“You know,” Chan said, breaking the silence with a teasing grin, “If I ever need someone for creative adlibs, I think you’ve got a solid resume.”

You burst into laughter, the sound blending with the night, and for the first time in a long time, you felt like it was okay to just be you.

As you walked side by side down the quiet street, the tension from earlier melted away into a comfortable silence. Chan glanced at you, the way the faint glow of the streetlights caught in your hair and softened the nervous creases in your expression. He felt a quiet sense of awe settle in his chest, like he’d stumbled upon something rare and precious without even realizing it.

You were real- messy and raw and unapologetically yourself in ways that left him both grounded and inspired. He admired the way you carried the weight of your tics with grace, even when the world pushed back harder than it should. And now, as your laughter from his earlier joke faded into the stillness, he realized something else: he didn’t want this to be a fleeting moment or a passing chapter.

Chan could see it- a future where he was by your side, learning every part of what made you you. A future where he’d be the one to hold your hand during hard days and celebrate the victories that came your way. The thought both terrified and thrilled him, but as he glanced down at you, your soft smile easing the ache of your earlier tears, he couldn’t imagine wanting anything else.

"Y/N," he said softly, his voice breaking through the quiet. "Thanks for letting me see this side of you tonight. I mean it- it makes me want to stick around."

You looked at him, surprised by the sincerity in his tone, but the warmth in his gaze left no room for doubt. And as you continued walking together into the night, your heart felt just a little lighter, the first stirrings of something new and hopeful beginning to take root.

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Changbin

Changbin had been skeptical about the blind date from the start. His friends had teased him relentlessly, insisting he needed to “put himself out there,” and while he’d grumbled about it, here he was. Standing in line at the movie theater, his phone buzzed with a quick text confirming you’d arrived.

When his eyes met yours across the crowded lobby, his breath caught. You were standing near the concessions, shifting nervously on your feet as you looked around. There was something endearingly hesitant about the way you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, like you were steeling yourself.

"Hi," you greeted softly when he approached, offering a shy smile. Your voice was gentle but warm, and it immediately put him at ease.

“Hey,” he replied, his grin spreading easily. “You must be Y/N.”

As you nodded, a quick, staccato whistle broke through the air- a sound you made involuntarily. It was followed by a soft “meow” and an apologetic wince on your part.

“I’m sorry,” you said quickly, your gaze darting to his face as if bracing for judgment.

Changbin tilted his head slightly, his expression curious but kind. “Did you just...meow?” A musical sound lilted amusingly at the end of his sentence.

Your cheeks flushed. “I- um- I have Tourette’s,” you explained in a rush, your words tumbling over each other. “I can’t always control my tics, and sometimes they’re, uh…kind of random. Like the meowing. Or…” You paused as another whistle slipped out, followed by a faint, high-pitched “boo!”

For a moment, he just blinked at you, then broke into a wide smile. “In all honesty...that’s kind of adorable. You’re like a sound effects board.”

Your jaw dropped slightly, caught off guard by his response. “You don’t think it’s… weird?”

He shrugged, his gaze warm and steady. “Everyone’s got their quirks. Yours just happen to make you sound like a cartoon character, and honestly, I think that’s awesome.”

Relief flooded your features, and your shoulders relaxed slightly. “Most people don’t really see it that way.”

“Well, most people are missing out.” He shot you a playful wink, and when you laughed, the tension in the air dissolved.

The two of you fell into an easy rhythm as you moved through the line, chatting about everything from favorite movies to your shared love of snacks. Changbin couldn’t help but notice how your tics- whistles, squeaks, and the occasional unexpected phrase- seemed to punctuate your sentences like exclamation points.

“Honestly,” he said at one point, his tone teasing, “your tics match my cute energy, don't you think?” He said poking his cheek in mock aegeyo. "It's babygirl heaven, don't you think?"

You laughed so hard at that, you nearly dropped your drink. “I cannot believe you just said that.”

He grinned, pleased with himself. “What can I say? Its the truth.”

But as you approached the counter to pick up your popcorn, the mood shifted. A group of teens standing nearby had been snickering quietly, but their whispers grew louder when one of your tics- a sudden, sharp “woof!” -rang out.

“Did she just bark?” one of them muttered, barely concealing a laugh.

Another chimed in, mockingly imitating the sound.

Your cheeks flushed, and you quickly turned away, mumbling an apology to the cashier as another tic- this time a chirped “uh-oh!”- slipped out. The laughter from the group grew louder, and you visibly flinched, trying to shrink into yourself.

Before you could even process what was happening, Changbin stepped forward, his voice cutting through the commotion like a blade. “Hey, is there a problem?”

The teens fell silent, their smug grins faltering under the weight of his glare.

“Because if there is,” he continued, his tone calm but laced with steel, “I suggest you take a good, long look at yourselves and figure out why you think laughing at someone for something they can’t control makes you feel better about your own lives.”

One of them opened their mouth to respond, but the words seemed to die on their tongue as Changbin took a deliberate step closer, his presence suddenly towering despite his shorter frame.

“Thought so,” he said, his smile tight and unyielding. “Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

He turned back to you, his expression softening immediately. “You okay?”

Your throat felt tight, but you managed a nod, blinking back the sting of tears. “Yeah. I just…I’m embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed? For what?” His brow furrowed in genuine confusion.

“For causing a scene. For…” You hesitated, your voice breaking slightly. “For being a lot.”

Changbin’s expression softened, but his voice was steady and firm as he rested his hand gently on your arm, grounding you. “Y/N, you are just you. And anyone who can’t see how amazing that is doesn’t deserve your time, okay?”

The sincerity in his voice was overwhelming, his gaze so earnest it made your chest ache. For a moment, all you could do was nod, your chest tightening with a mix of gratitude and something deeper you couldn’t quite name.

As the two of you settled into your seats in the theater, he handed you your drink, his shoulder brushing yours in a way that felt both casual and deliberate. He leaned closer, his tone warm and teasing. "Like I said, I think your tics are adorable. And with a face like yours, I don't think any tic could be ugly or embarrassing."

Your laugh bubbled out, soft and genuine, and his grin widened. The tension you’d been carrying began to ease, replaced by a quiet sense of comfort.

Throughout the movie, you couldn’t help but notice the way he’d glance at you when you laughed at a scene or leaned forward slightly during an intense moment. It wasn’t just the movie holding his attention- it was you.

And Changbin knew it. With every glance, every tiny movement you made, he felt his resolve strengthening. He didn’t just want to spend the evening with you; he wanted to be part of your life in every way. He wanted to learn all the things that made you laugh, what made your eyes light up, what brought out the quiet confidence he’d glimpsed earlier.

He wanted to be the person you trusted with every part of yourself, the one who reminded you how extraordinary you were even when you couldn’t see it.

When the credits rolled, he stayed seated for a moment, turning to face you as you stretched and looked over at him. His chest tightened as he saw the way your smile hesitated, like you weren’t sure he’d want to stick around for more.

But he did. He wanted everything.

“How about dinner?” he asked, his words quick but hopeful. “I mean…if you’re up for it. I’d really like to keep talking to you. About anything. Everything.” His voice softened, carrying a weight of sincerity that made your breath catch. “I want to know you, Y/N. All of you.”

Your cheeks warmed, and a smile broke across your face, shy but unguarded. “I’d like that.”

As the two of you walked out of the theater, the night air felt lighter, the buzz of the world around you fading into the background. Changbin fell into step beside you, his shoulder brushing yours again.

Then, without hesitation, he reached out, his hand slipping into yours. His touch was gentle but firm, grounding, like he wanted to hold onto you in every way.

Your fingers curled around his, and when you glanced up, his smile softened, his dark eyes brimming with something you couldn’t quite name.

In that moment, Changbin wasn’t just thinking about the next date or the night ahead. He was thinking about the way you made his heart race, the way you made him feel alive in a way he hadn’t realized he was missing.

He wanted more of this- more of you. Not just tonight, not just a few dates, but always. And as his thumb brushed lightly over the back of your hand, he realized one thing: he didn’t just want you around. He wanted you in his life, forever.

And he was so happy he didn't say no to this blind date.

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Han

Han Jisung had never considered himself the blind-date type. He liked to think of himself as spontaneous, sure- but not this kind of spontaneous. Yet, here he was, bundled in his favorite oversized hoodie, leaning against the railing of the city’s rooftop garden, waiting for a stranger.

When he saw you, his first thought was that his friend had undersold this whole setup. You weren’t at all what he expected- not that he knew what to expect. You were a breathtaking kind of pretty. And Han's heart flipped his chest.

You walked up with a careful sort of confidence, clutching the strap of your tote bag, your breath misting in the cool night air.

“Hi,” you greeted with a shy smile, your head tilting slightly as you blinked rapidly, followed by a quick jerk of your shoulder.

“Hi,” Jisung replied, pretending not to notice. He already felt his nerves settle slightly. There was something about you that felt...real.

Your mutual friend had mentioned you liked quiet settings, so instead of a loud restaurant or café, the garden had seemed like a good idea. Jisung gestured to the path leading further into the rooftop greenery. “Shall we walk?”

You nodded, your steps matching his, though every few strides you tapped your fingers against your leg. A small tic, but it was constant, like a rhythm you needed to keep.

The conversation started slow. Typical blind-date awkwardness lingered, but Jisung’s natural humor quickly worked its way in. He made a joke about the chilly weather, earning a laugh from you that felt like a little victory.

“So,” he began after a lull, “what’s your favorite thing to do in the city? Or are you more of a stay-home-and-chill type?”

“I like to stay in most days,” you admitted, tilting your head again as your hand briefly flicked out to your side. “I guess I’m more introverted. But when I do go out, I like quieter places…like this.”

“Good choice,” Jisung agreed, kicking the ground nervously. “Crowds are overrated anyway.”

You laughed softly, but your shoulders twitched again, more pronounced this time. You tried to suppress it, but Jisung caught the way your hand clenched slightly afterward, as if bracing yourself.

As the walk continued, your tics became more noticeable- a rapid blinking, a jerk of your wrist, the occasional tap of your foot on the pavement mid-stride. You hesitated for a moment before stopping by a bench, your hand brushing against your hair as you looked at the ground.

“Hey,” you said, your voice quieter now, “I think I should tell you something.”

Jisung turned to face you, his brow furrowed in concern. “What’s up?”

“I have Tourette’s,” you explained, your tone steady but guarded. “It’s not super severe, I've learned to live with it most days, but…I wanted to mention it in case…” You trailed off, your hand twitching slightly toward your chest before falling back to your lap.

“In case what?” Jisung asked gently.

“In case it’s…too much.”

For a moment, Jisung stared at you, his face unreadable. You wondered if you’d just ruined the evening. But then he spoke, his voice tinged with disbelief.

“Too much? Are you kidding? I can be a lot. Like, ask anyone.”

You blinked at him, caught off guard by his lighthearted tone.

“I mean, seriously,” he continued, gesturing wildly for emphasis. “I talk way too much when I’m nervous, I lose stuff constantly, and don’t even get me started on how clumsy I am. If anyone’s a walking chaos machine, it’s me.”

You laughed softly, but it didn’t last long. Your shoulder jerked twice, quickly followed by an involuntary flick of your hand. You sighed, your lips trembling slightly as you looked away. “But it’s not just that, Jisung,” you muttered, your voice breaking slightly. “I… I don’t want to mess this up.”

His teasing grin faded, replaced by a look of concern. “Mess what up?”

“This,” you whispered, blinking rapidly as tears welled in your eyes. “You’re so nice, and I already really like you, but then there’s… me. My tics. It’s not just that I get nervous; it’s that I can’t stop it. And I hate thinking that it might make people uncomfortable, even if they don’t mean for it to.”

Your words spilled out faster than you could stop them, and you quickly wiped at your eyes, frustrated with yourself. “I don’t want to scare you away. But I…I don’t know how not to. Everyone else has been scared away before- but you seem really nice and I actually feel something and I don't want to put hope into something that-”

Jisung felt his chest tighten at your words. Without thinking, he dropped down to sit beside you on the bench, interupting you, his tone soft but firm. “Hey, hey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”

You shook your head, a small, bitter laugh slipping out. “Sorry, I’m just…making this worse, aren't I?” You flicked your hand out again, accidentally slapping Han.

“No,” he said quickly. “No, you’re not. I mean it.”

When you didn’t respond, Jisung hesitated before reaching out, his hand hovering awkwardly near your shoulder. “Can I…?”

You nodded, and he gently rested his hand there, his thumb brushing lightly against the fabric of your coat. “Listen,” he began, “I don’t know who made you think you had to be scared of people running away from you being you, but they’re wrong. You’re…you’re great. And brave, too, for being so honest about this. I admire that.”

You blinked at him through your tears, caught off guard by the sincerity in his voice. You hand jerked out, but this time he caught it, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“And honestly?” he continued, a small smile tugging at his lips, as he rubbed his hands over your manicured nails. “You’re not scaring me away. Like, at all. If anything, you’re just making me want to know you better.”

You let out a shaky breath, his words sinking in slowly but surely. “Really?”

“Really,” he confirmed, his eyes crinkling with warmth. “And besides, I kind of suck at running, Like really really suck. I trip more than I actually run.”

A soft laugh escaped you then, the tension in your chest easing for the first time that evening. “You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

Jisung’s cheeks flushed pink, but he shrugged playfully. “I mean, I try.”

The rest of the night felt lighter. The two of you walked through the garden, Han's hand still in yours, your tics still present but no longer a source of discomfort. Every now and then, Jisung would glance at you- never with pity, but with curiosity and something warmer, softer.

As the two of you stopped at the edge of the rooftop, overlooking the twinkling lights below, Jisung turned to you with a thoughtful expression.

“You know,” he said, his voice softer now, “I think this is my favorite blind date ever.”

You raised an eyebrow. “How many have you been on?”

“This is my first,” he admitted with a sheepish laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “But still! It’s gonna be hard to top…”

You raised an eyebrow, giving him an amused look.

“Not that I want it to be topped,” he continued quickly, a bit flustered. “I always kind of figured I’d be a one-and-done deal. Like my first is my last...and, I mean, it might be way too soon to say, but I think I lucked out with you…I kind of just feel it.”

You rolled your eyes, but a smile couldn’t help but tug at your lips.

“Really, though,” Jisung added, his gaze earnest, eyes softening. “I had a great time tonight. And…if you’re up for it, I’d like to properly date you...”

“Even with my…” You gestured vaguely, your voice trailing off.

"Because of it," he corrected gently, his voice soft but unwavering. His eyes searched yours, full of warmth and something deeper that made your breath catch. "It's part of you- every piece of it. And I don’t just like who you are…I can easily see myself fall for you."

His words hung in the cool night air, wrapping around you like a tender embrace. For a moment, you couldn’t speak, your heart pounding so fiercely it was a wonder he couldn’t hear it.

“Jisung…” you murmured, your voice shaky but full of emotion.

He smiled, that familiar sheepish tilt to his lips, but his gaze stayed steady, unwavering in its honesty. “I don’t want this to be just a ‘one and done’ date. I want to keep getting to know you. To see where this could go. So that maybe you can be my one and done person.”

Your lips curved into a soft smile, your chest tightening with something you hadn’t dared to hope for. “Okay,” you whispered, the word carrying more weight than you expected. “I’d like that too.”

His grin widened, and the way he looked at you in that moment- like you were the only person in the world- made you feel like you could get used to this, to him, far too easily.

<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>

@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha

@iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric

@panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt @sseawavee

@shuporanporang @amarecerasus @softkisshyunjin

@whoa-jo @meanergreener @rikibun

@ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade @y4yayael

@skzstan12345 @mariteez @allys-reads

@jazziwritesthings @skzstannie @yongbokkiesworld

@kkkeopi @neverendingstay @moony-9

@minsungsthirdwheel @everlastingspring143 @joyofbebbanburg

@leezanetheofficial @tr-mha-fan @bubbly-moon

@night-storm7 @missmajdastark @axel-skz

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

This thoughts still cooking, so it might not make sense, but I think Thomas (Tomas?) Astruc is a very good case study on how being too attached to your own ideas can hinder your story telling.

I don't mean this in a "Thomas's original idea for the series was bad", but rather that he seems so attached to this concept that he can't stand other people having a differing view from him.

Chloe's the titular example here. Some people thought she deserved a redemption arc, and instead of just saying "nah, I don't think so" and continuing to write her the same way he had been, he had to prove them wrong, prove that his idea was the only correct one, and so turned her into the spawn of Satan and let her rule over Paris for some reason.

Instead of making Marinette less stalker-y, he wrote an entire episode poorly justifying it. And, imao, somewhat diminishing what PTSD actually is and does to people.

I'm not saying he has to make any change (though I think making Marinette less stalker-y would be a good change), but instead of 1.) sticking to his resolve or 2.) taking the criticism, he clung dearly onto this perception of his characters and his writing suffered because of how much he had to twist things to "prove" that his original assertions were right. And also that everyone who disagreed with him was wrong and didn't understand

idk if that makes sense, but the concepts been lingering in my head recently

It makes perfect sense! I've had similar thoughts. It's hard to say for sure, but Miraculous may be a case study in "kill your darlings". I'm not deep into the behind-the-scenes lore and I was not here in the early fandom, but I do know that, at some point, a much darker version of the show was pitched. That's why these exist (image source):

[Image description: two sketches styled like comic book covers. Both have the title "The Mini Menace Ladybug". The left cover shows Marinette's silhouette in a doorway. The door's glass and the glass of a nearby window are broken. In the foreground lies a hand holding a ladybug charm. The hand is limp and surrounded by blood, implying that someone is injured or dead. The right cover is Ladybug doing a spinning kick while looking angry.]

We also have this evidence of the darker original concept:

Jeremy Zag then proposed another project... which he was unable to sell to broadcasters... the project was called "Ladybug". No one was interested, as the project was aimed more at an adult audience... Sébastien had to make sure that the project could be broadcast on Disney and TF1.... Thomas wanted to make a series for adults, but at the time, it was very complicated to make a cartoon for adults. What's more, they didn't have enough money to take on such a project. Sébastien finally agreed, but there were some changes to be made, which Thomas accepted... In the end, Thomas Astruc's entire project was discarded, leaving only the love story between the two heroes and the city of Paris, where the story was to take place.

I've been aware of this darker origin story for a while due to Tumblr and, because of this knowledge, I have often had the thought, "are the writers trying to sneak elements from this darker version into canon?" Because that's the most likely explanation for what's going on here.

If I'm right, then I think that was a terrible move on their parts. They needed to let go of the story that they couldn't sell and embrace the story that they're being allowed to tell. It's why "kill you darlings" is such good advice. Many good stories have been ruined by writers clinging to an idea that ultimately doesn't work for some reason.

It's why the sitcom How I Met Your Mother has such a universally hated ending. The show was originally supposed to go for two seasons and so they wrote an ending that would fit the second season. The show ended up running for nine seasons and, by then, the ending didn't fit, but the writers kept it and left everyone with a bad taste in their mouths, which is not what any writer wants. That's why you have to do what's best for the story even if it means abandoning something that you really love.

This early version of canon may also be why the writers are so obsessed with Marinette. My understanding is that this concept had her mainly acting as a solo hero and, oh look! What is one of canon's biggest problems? Marinette being treated like a solo hero even though she has a partner and, later on, a team!

Not saying that this theory has to be true, just saying that it would explain some things. And if they're poisoning canon by trying to include elements from their darker original? Then it makes sense to assume that they're also doing it for smaller stuff. Like I'm pretty sure I've read that the head writer wanted Chat Blanc to be a lot darker originally, but no one would green light it, so we got an incredibly lackluster episode that spat in the face of the genres Miraculous' is trying to be part of while also falling to have the sort of impact we'd expect from an episode like that. It's a good example of a darling that really should have been killed. It just doesn't fit.

(Totally unrelated sidenote, but is your blog name from Tangled? Because that's what I immediately thought of and it made me smile!)

[sunkissedchldrecon]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the nintendo ds, pile two is the panasonic, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 🌐

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"The Gospel Truth I / Main Titles" from Hercules

"I Want It All" from High School Musical 3

"Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama

"Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani

"Breakthrough" from Lemonade Mouth

Cards: 

Three of Wands, Six of Cups, The Hermit (Rx), The Empress, The Magician, Knight of Coins, Ten of Swords, The Chariot, Eight of Wands

Reading:

Those who chose this pile might've really liked the movie "Hercules" as a kid; I told your inner child I'd never seen the movie, and they were offended 😭. Little you might've had really big ambitions and dreams but maybe felt like things and/or people held them back. My internet randomly went out when writing, so I feel like that was a sign of how your inner child felt or could even feel at this time. 

You could be someone who has to rely a ton on self-motivation rather than being able to depend on others; you may feel like you always had to take "the long way around" in order to accomplish things you really wanted to do. Your inner child can tell you still have to do that and actually admires that you're willing and able to rely on yourself rather than others; it's like they see it as a thread connecting you to them - like you never left each other or changed all that much. As much as they admire this connection, they also can tell you're still lonely and feel rejected by society; they might even feel this way themselves. 

Your inner child wants you to connect more to the energy of The Empress. For some of you, they want you to literally comfort them and listen to them like a mother would. They want you to tap into your emotions and recognize what all you feel, consciously and subconsciously. More than anything, they want you to stand up for yourself and ask for what it is you need. If you need someone other than yourself to rely on, they want you to turn to people in your life and ask them to help you or share with them things you've been hiding out of fear. If you need obstacles to be removed more easily, they want you to ask your guides and the universe to help remove them; they might even want you to confront the people or objects hindering you personally. If you need a figurative breakthrough, they want you to ask for it. 

With The Magician, your inner child recognizes you have the potential to accomplish whatever it is you want to, and that ambition and hard work you've always relied on gets you through a ton, but things could potentially be a lot easier if you ask for the help you're wanting. Some of you may be feeling very bitter about having to do things all on your own; some of you may even be averse to asking others for help, but your inner child is asking that you try anyway. They want you to embark on this journey with them even if you think nothing will come of it. With Eight of Wands at the bottom of the deck, things may actually work out better than you think. 

Overall, your inner child wants you to ask for the help you need. If you never ask for help directly, then you'll never receive it. Of course, some people will be stubborn and not help, but there is also likely a group of people who are willing to do so but never knew you were struggling in the first place. With the cards in this pile, you do have control over your situation pile one; it may not feel that way, but you can achieve more than you think - even if it takes forever and a day to do so.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Year 3000" by the Jonas Brothers

"Fruit Salad" by The Wiggles

"The Naked Mole Rat" from Kim Possible

"Brand New Day" from Camp Rock 2

"Naturally" by Selena Gomez

Cards: 

Six of Cups, Page of Cups, The Magician, Five of Swords, Four of Coins, Four of Cups, Three of Swords, Five of Cups, Two of Wands, Queen of Swords, Five of Coins, Six of Coins

Reading:

With the "Year 3000" coming out first, I feel like this pile might have people who were super into science-fiction as kids! You could've loved movies like Meet the Robinsons and Minutemen. You might've been a quiet kid who, when they were finally comfortable with someone, ended up talking a ton; I found this really endearing, so if you still do that or feel an urge to - don't shy away from that!

Your inner child is another one that's open to the idea of nostalgia and may feel like there's a clear connection to the current you and them. You could have youthful features or a youthful way of thinking; maybe you're very optimistic and sensitive, and you might even be very intuitive. You could be highly perceptive to things relating to the spiritual realm; with that, you may find that things like magic, manifestation, etc. come easy for you. Despite this, you may not share those gifts, or you may feel ashamed of these traits connected to you. 

You could've been bullied as a child or always felt as if you had to submit to other people rather than being who you truly are. Maybe you were shamed for being too sensitive; people might've said you were too optimistic or in your head and not being realistic. Because of this, you might've decided to close yourself off from others - emotionally and in other ways. You may have evaluated what people said about you and took it to heart, deciding to become who they wanted you to be versus existing as you were/are. You might've felt like you were in a situation where you act how people want you to, or you don't survive - even if it hurt you a ton. 

It seems like your inner child is heartbroken by your choice to close yourself off - when you decided to do it and also now as you continue to engage in that behavior. I also accidentally wrote your future child, so there could be a worry that you take the advice you were given as a kid and impose it on your future child which would only make the pain generational. To an extent, they feel as if you're harming yourself and staying stuck in the same place you were a kid when you decide to close yourself off to others. Some of you may be in the same hometown or around the same people that caused you to become this warped, unrealistic version of yourself. I heard, "I just want you back". 

Your inner child wants you to leave the area you're in completely - this could be the physical space your in and/or the mental space you're in where you've cut yourself off from being your true self. Your inner child wants you to use the knowledge and experience you've gained along with the optimism and sensitivity you had as a child. That power I was talking of earlier in terms of connection to spirituality and intuition still exists; the "unrealistic" things you want are still possible. It's okay to daydream a little while also including some realism; you don't have to be "the stuffy adult they told you that you have to be". 

For this pile, this acceptance of all the things about yourself that you were told to shun would do you good. Your inner child would be happier, but it could also lighten a load on your current self. Instead of feeling isolated and not like yourself, you could be your authentic self and find that people are now more accepting and similar to you than they once were. It's also important to note that often you as an individual are not the issue, but the environment you're placed in can be. Don't be afraid to express the parts of yourself you hid for so long; it's important to be true to yourself over anyone else. 

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Lovebug" by the Jonas Brothers

"Be Prepared" from the Lion King

"Un Poco Loco" from Coco

"Don't Run Away" from Let It Shine

"Suite Life of Zack & Cody Theme" from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody

Cards: 

The Sun, Nine of Wands, King of Swords, Justice, Ten of Wands, Ace of Coins, The Tower, The Devil (Rx), The World, Six of Coins, Six of Wands

Reading:

For those who chose this pile, you might've been chronically sad as a child. You could've started out with a sunny, positive disposition, but it seems that happiness might've been destroyed early on in your life. Some of you might have been the type of kid that sympathized with the villains because you understood why they did what they did. Others of you might have loved love as a child, but the idea of love you had became warped - maybe because your parents mirrored bad love habits or you were left heartbroken early in your life; I get the feeling you and your inner child still love love though!

You might've understood the rough or undesirable circumstances you grew up in very early and learned how to persevere through them. You're the type of person that understands how to keep going when it seems like everything and everyone is wanting you to give up or wither down. Your experiences with a lack of happiness may lead you to take on a leadership type of role in your current position. You could be the type of person to build up relationships slowly, you could have a strong sense of what justice is and what's "good" and "wrong". 

Your inner child feels as if you always had to be more adult than they wanted to be. This could've doubled as a blessing and a curse because taking control and being more mature led you to more security and knowledge, but it also meant you never truly experienced a childhood in a sense. It seems like this upsets your inner child a lot; it gives them a lot of anxiety because it's like they were a child for a short period of time, and then all of sudden they were left behind, and you just magically became an adult. 

This pile's inner child wants you to go back and look at your foundations - to re-evaluate why you had to become an adult so fast. They want to be able to release all the anger they have towards the fact they couldn't be the kid they were. Overall, your inner child wants to be happy again - like they were when they could still be the young child they were. Your inner child wants to talk; for some of you, they want counseling and/or therapy. For some of you, they want you to take care of them like you took care of others your whole life. 

Along with self-reflection and possible therapy, I'd also recommend engaging in activities you liked as a child and/or activities your inner child might like pile three. You don't have to do this all the time, but I think your inner child would like it if you integrated them with your current self more; I said this earlier, but they very much feel as if you abandoned them almost? Overall, they're saying they want some type of closure, but inner children never really leave you know? It's important to foster them just as much as you foster and take care of your current self, so maybe look into how you can cater to them more and in turn cater to the present you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Ev'rybody Wants To Be A Cat" from the Aristocats

"Call Me, Beep Me" from Kim Possible

"It's My Turn Now" From Jump In

"I See The Light" from Tangled

"The Fairly Oddparents Theme" from The Fairly Oddparents

Cards: 

The World, Page of Cups (Rx), Nine of Cups, The Empress, Three of Wands (Rx), Knight of Cups (Rx), King of Wands, Four of Wands, Four of Coins, Two of Cups (Rx), Judgment, The Star

Reading:

For those who chose this pile, your inner child seems really happy with you overall! Something could be coming in for you soon that makes them very excited, and/or you're doing things in your life that makes them so proud of you. It's like a "I knew you could make it" attitude from them. Despite childhood problems and other things trying to knock you off your path, you've always pulled through and made things work for you and given yourself a ton of life fulfillment as a result. The second verse from "It's My Turn" explains your current energy very well according to your inner child. 

Your inner child wants to talk about the way you interact with your emotions, nature, and the way you view your accomplishments. Although your inner child sees you as succeeding, it seems your current self does not see things the same way. You could feel as if things are delayed, and as a result you're frustrated. Your inner child sees this as you being petty and moody; almost like you're throwing a tantrum for some of you. You could think luck isn't on your side, and therefore you feel immense anxiety and internal imbalance. Some of you are trying to rush things when there's nothing to rush - it's a matter of patience and resilience as you wait for things to come in. 

With the King of Wands, this pile does have a lot of inner strength, and your inner child wants you to hone in on that skill. They want you to be bold in your decisions and self-expression; for them, being loud and open about who they are and what it is they want to do is important. They want everyone to know you're going to all these events and aspire to be whatever profession you want because they know you (and as a result, they) can do anything it is you/they want. They don't want you to be "stingy with information”. 

To an extent, your inner child feels disconnected from you. They could feel as if you don't talk to them enough, and/or they feel as if you don't come to them for advice even though they have good ideas too! They can be helpful too! Your inner child has a lot of ideas and ambitions that they feel you're shutting out or forgetting about, but they know they can achieve them if you let them. 

Overall, this pile's inner child wants them to recognize how much it is you're achieving - even if it doesn't feel like it. They want you to listen to them because they have great ideas that can lead you to achieve goals you and they have. Overall, they want you to have hope because good things are coming in, and you're gonna be so happy soon; they want to be able to enjoy that merriment with you, but you have to be willing to let them. Your inner child wants your mentality to match with your reality and their mentality; they want you to shed your anxiety and instead think of what all you have accomplished because they're ready to go for more.

[jester089]

Not a peep

Sorry to all my unfinished requests sitting in my inbox. I will do them eventually. But their's so many character type requests and those take the most out of me because I need to really think. So I'm taking an intermission to write what I want to write. TADC Crew x Eerily Silent Reader

Caine

You never talking or making any kind of noise intrigues Caine. He has never met a human that never talks, non the less never makes any noise at all. He will most likely try to get you to say something or set up scenarios where you trip and knock something over. But they never work. You either notice them before hand. Or are able to think fast enough to stop any noise. Once he's over the initial want to disrupt your constant silence he doesn't really think of you differently. You're unique sure but you're still human.

Gangle

You freak Gangle tf out. The fact that you kind of just appear without her knowing. Or you could have been standing near her for minutes her not knowing. It makes her think you're going to do something bad to her like Jax. You never talk, or emote. Your face always unchanging. After enough time of you doing nothing good nor bad to her she starts to get used to you. You still make her uncomfortable but the fact that you haven't done anything makes her not as worried. She still isn't ok with the fact that you kind of just are around her and she doesn't know. But with enough time she will react less strongly to it. It'll never not scare her. But it can be lessened.

Zooble

Zooble appreciates you. You don't do anything to help or hinder her. You don't annoy her or try to talk to her. You are the only person she will willingly let into her room. And she stays true to that. Because when you are with her you don't touch things and don't make noise. You just exist near her. She doesn't like people. But you give her some much needed connection and attachment without pushing her like everyone else. She will secretly try and make you talk, but she never goes as far as a lot of the others. It's most just a "Hey, you feel like getting something to eat?" Just basic questions thinking you might slip up one of these times.

Kinger

Kinger surprisingly doesn't dislike you. You'd think with how jumpy he is with normal people he would really hate your quiet nature but he doesn't. Sure you scare him more often then not but he knows you are never trying to. You just exist in a way that works for you and that leads to everyone getting jump scared every other hour. You seem really mentally stable compared to everyone and not surprisingly are a very good listener. So he enjoys being around you. In moderation. It's hard to keep up conversation without any responses or even reactions from the person you're talking to. It's like talking to a living breathing inanimate object that moves. He's genuinely debating on if you're a robot or not. But your chest rises and falls just like his, you eat, drink, sleep (despite not having to), and move in a very human way.

Ragatha

At first like many others you, freak her out. She feels like you're planning something bad with how you never talk or interact. You just observe. She feels like you're gathering information to better mess with/kill everyone. It makes her sweat and get all stiff when you're so much as in the same room as her. It takes her a whole lot of time to realize you aren't hostile. You aren't really friendly either. You're just there. She appreciates you not being bad. But also you're unnerving to her and everyone else. You know when you scare someone and they "jump"? Well when you just appear next to her she jumps, literally. One time she was already on edge then you appeared next to her, she got a good foot off the ground that time.

Jax

Naturally once meeting you Jax does everything he physically can to make you talk, or react, or make any kind of sound. He always fails no matter how good his "prank" was. It annoys him. One time you got hit in the face with a full paint bucket and you didn't react or cry out in pain. You took the hit straight in the nose then hit the floor. Despite that and your nose being caved in you didn't react in the slightest and you didn't make even the smallest sound. Now he avoids you. He's scared that if he keeps pushing you're going to snap and kill him. And I don't know about you but I wouldn't mess with someone who can take a full paint bucket to the face, get their nose broken and not react at all.

Pomni

You initially freaked out Pomni but she's actually learned to really appreciate you. You still make her slightly uncomfortable but she isn't afraid of you like she used to be. You are an amazing listener, you are surprisingly strong considering how you look, you keep Jax away from her, and you help her look for an exit. Well help is a strong word. You just exist around her and every now and again when she asks for your help with something you do. She really wonders if you are just like that or getting put into the digital realm messed with your head somehow. But she can't worry about that now. Right now she needs to find a way out of here.

(You can kinda tell when I am or am-n't writing for myself. Personal stuff is usually shorter and worse quality. I go above and beyond with requests because I want people to enjoy them. But that does make me get burned out quicker.)

xoxo, Jester

[doe-prince]

I love Golden Shrike! I've had my own comic idea for about a decade now, but I'm wondering, for you, how long did it take you to be confident enough with your art to start your comics? had you attempted panels and backgrounds earlier and didn't put them out because you weren't happy with them yet? I'm almost done with my characters and writing but I'm worried I'm not good enough to actually start doing panels

(these are just my views and experiences! there's as many approaches as there's artists)

I was BAD when I started comics, but then I again I was a kid who didn't care if my bunny-cat-digimon comics weren't good enough, it was just fun to do. Which is what it should still be, fun and a fulfillment to you. I think the happiest an artisit can be is when they can draw like they have no audience.

My comics stopped in my teenhood when I actually wanted to make something good. I made so much groundwork but VERY rarely got to the actual page production because I thought everything should be perfect, but we all know there's no such thing. When I noticed all my attempts were doomed, I stopped making them for like ten years until I was zapped with Fuck It We Ball-mentality. And it's the best thing that has happened to me. Childhood whimsy. Make your own toys.

Did I make test pages for Golden Shrike before starting production? Well, the first page of the comic is a test page. And the second page. And the whole first chapter. I just never stopped. Not smart but it's what works for me. Starting these 'test pages' has kickstarted two bigger comics for me, Golden Shrike and Jet and Harley.

Sure I made couple of style tests for GS even though I had a clear visual vision from the start, but Jet and Harley I just started to draw without any real practice pieces, just based on couple of CSP brushes I wanted to use. This isn't very smart as you'll likely find out later that MAN, this style takes too much effort, but if you're unlike me and don't care so much for consistency, you can always simplify it on the fly. And even I've had to change it: I stopped shading after chapter 5, briefly used 3D assets in upcoming pages, now I'm gonna shrink the font a little. They're teeny tiny things for readers, but huge for me.

There's many comic authors who like to plan every little detail before getting to work, but it doesn't work for me so I can't say much about it. I have a skeleton to follow, but I fully flesh out each chapter one by one when I reach them with pages, because I like to revisit my old visions with fresh brains. When you actually get to work, you might realize some scenes aren't needed, or they'd be better changed. Don't be scared to crack some ribs off your story skeleton. Being too loyal to your old vision can often hinder you.

Starting production is the biggest monster in comic making, but after the first step you'll mow over it leaving it in your dust and create a baby you can be so proud of. I wish you, and everyone else on the cusp of their projects GOOD LUCK, HAVE FUN, LOVE YOUR WORK.

[junk-story]

Atsushi and Me – Tanaka Junichi, Director - Ongaku to Hito Special Edition

This interview is on pages 68-69 of the magazine. Footnotes can be found at the bottom of the text.

At the time we first met, the areas where he was immature as a vocalist were numerous. However, he had a unique worldview. For so-called rock vocalists, sexy vocalizations and a husky voice is becoming characteristic, but Sakurai-kun’s voice wasn’t those things, and it had popular-music-like elements to it. There were some who said his voice rivaled The Checkers.1

But, when I met him for the first time at a yakiniku shop in Harajuku, Sakurai-kun said that he liked Peter Murphy (of Bauhaus). So I think he wanted to combine the best parts of Japanese music with bands like Bauhaus and The Cure’s English dark wave to make a style of music not seen before in Japan. That was the sort of conversation we had. Maybe at that time, he thought what he wanted to do could take shape.

The realization of that was “TABOO”, but after that, a change came about in Sakurai-kun’s self-expression. The apex of that was “Kurutta Taiyou”. BUCK-TICK began to function as a place where Sakurai-kun could vent the love and hate and regrets he was holding about his home and his mother. After that, the color of Sakurai-kun became stronger, and what came from within him, the lust for life and desire for death, things like that became his themes, and their music was also influenced by that. At the time, they often heard the opinion at Victor that “it would be better to write things that are easier to understand”, and if they had, they might have been a bigger hit, maybe even hitting the million-seller mark, but, I suppose it’s because he wasn’t hindered in expressing himself that they were able to continue until now. In the first place, they weren’t even looking for that. And his songs, which came to have these themes at their core, had refined his expressiveness, and he was able to develop himself.

I worked for about 36 years recording Sakurai-kun’s songs, but he left all of it to me.2 “I’m doomed to my fate3, so I’ll sing a number of takes in my best form, and afterward, please use your favorite”, he’d say. I almost never had any requests about the take I chose. This is really an incredible thing. Most singers give me detailed requests, but he didn’t. I guess he realized that other people saw things differently than he did, and if he thought they did, I think he thought it was best to elevate that different expression atop the stage. Also, I think he was considerate about not making others feel bad.

Yes, he was a considerate and kind person. For example, when he was traveling to a big city studio, he was coming by car and got stuck in traffic, so he was also late. At times like that, although many musicians would have come in unashamed, Sakurai-kun was prostrate. “Everyone, truly, I’m so sorry…”, he’d say, and he’d bow his head to everyone all the way down to the studio’s assistant. He was someone who understood general thinking. And, he wasn’t that conscious of his commercial success. He also had no desire for fame. For that kind of person to continue being in a band, and think they want to make a career of it, that’s an extremely curious thing. Well...more than the music, more than the band, I suppose the important thing was that he was doing it with the other members. That’s why he was slow to start things outside of that, and he’d find it bothersome. (laughs) There were also things like that, and his solo album, “Ai no Wakusei”, was outsourced by me to various people, and Sakurai-kun only did the singing for it. Because when he’d communicate directly, he’d start to think about what to say, get nervous, and end up thinking about various things. (laughs)

Even after the band separated from Victor, behind the scenes, I did the recording for a number of songs. This is presumptuous of me to say, but I think I was the only one they could leave to doing it for them. However, what I think now...he would sing five takes, and he wanted to hear from me which of the takes was really the best one. Although I can’t confirm that now...but I’d like to think...that he knew the take that I thought was the best, was the best take for BUCK-TICK.

However, from the start, there were also times where he wasn’t the kind of person who could do that. (laughs) The time from “darker than darkness – style 93 – ” to “Six/Nine” was quite tumultuous. He wouldn’t show up to do vocal recordings. (laughs) This was an era without cell phones, so all we could do was wait, and after 10 hours passed, he finally came. (laughs) When we finished recording the vocals, I was listening and heard they’d driven to Mount Fuji. (laughs) There was everything with his mother, and I imagine he was pushed to a breaking point mentally. But from that, the “death” part of love and death came to expand significantly.

At that time, he was experiencing the chaos of the adult world, and I wonder if he didn’t come to have a hard time knowing what was real. So he wanted to run away from everything; his work and private life were both a mess. He drank alcohol like a drunk, like he was trying to forget reality. To put It nicely, he was pure. He wasn’t a person who could get along well in this world. However, he’d tasted that life, so the lyrics of that time had that reality in them. It may just be what I imagine, but “darker than darkness – style 93 – ” is all real. It’s not something that was made.4 I want everyone to listen to it again like that. And it’s also because of that experience that his love, hope, and kindness of not wanting to die emerged after that. And he started expressing his feelings more honestly.

Therefore, his love for family was incredible. Especially for the daughters. He had something he needed to protect, so he started to want to live. Sakurai Atsushi didn’t abandon himself to despair. I wanted to listen to more songs like that from him. If he had, then maybe a chapter where we met again would have begun. With a man who aged well.

Other than that, what I remember is nothing but stuff when we were drinking. (laughs) Because it was incredible, in any case. The live would end, and from about 11 PM we’d take off. After that, it was typical to spend time at Roppongi’s BOO!WHO?WOO!, and the shop has a small window that you can see the outside from, so you know when dawn is breaking. Nevertheless, Sakurai-kun was lively. Meanwhile, “Waratte ii tomo!”5 starts on the television. And then it got dark outside again. We were drinking that entire time. How much alcohol can a person go on drinking? I remember wondering.

Also, he was a person who was loved by everyone. By that I mean falling in love. When we were returning from London and at the airport counter checking in, the attendant saw Sakurai-kun, got heart eyes, and gave us a seat upgrade, and we were able to have an elegant return trip home because of it. (laughs)

1 Band from the same era (worth checking out!) 2 He allowed Tanaka to call the shots. 3 This turn of phrase didn’t really work well in any way I translated it...but sort of like, “there’s nothing to be done for it” – here he is, all he can do is his best! Like that. 4 Just in case this isn’t clear – he means this wasn’t constructed or fake in any way – this is truly where Sakurai was mentally at the time. 5 A long running variety TV show that was hosted by Tamori. It started at noon, to give you a reference of the time he’s talking about here.

[stillwattergossip]

MY PHONE & I;

> ARCANE CHARACTERS & THEIR PHONE / ONLINE BEHAVOIR HEADCANONS!

featuring Jinx, Vi and Caitlyn!

JINX

☆i just KNOW Jinx has tons of games on her phone, her poor storage always crying for help the moment she has to update them all..

☆i can imagine Jinx already having lots of phones from different companies (due to her blowing the others up-), she doesn't really have a preference.

☆loves to make her own phone cases, never buys one without the intention to paint them all up to make it unique.

☆a fast typer: Often answers before you're even able to type out the rest of your question.

☆with her, it's either two things: fully chronically online or not on the internet for days, if not even weeks, if she has her eyes on one of her new inventions again

☆Speaking of those, she 100% would share her progress here and then through her art account!!

☆loves pissing people off for fun: used the block button multiple times herself (only to unblock them later on again-)

VI

♡ She probably has one of those phone cases to hinder getting broken in any way, yet Vi somehow still managed to have some slits in the screen.

♡ always uses her fingerprints to open her phone cause she's too forgetful to remember her password (which got her into more problems than she could count.)

♡ Android User!!

♡ LOVESS to take pictures of her loved ones. In a modern AU, I remember her having a photo album reaching the days when her parents were still alive, thinking about old times.

♡ prefers calls over texting. She'd also be one to randomly start video calls to show you something!!

♡ Best believe she has her gym playlist ready for every single morning. WOuld probably wake up with the most stupid or cheeky song ever.

♡ not that big of a screentime tbh, she is more of a “living-in-the-moment” kind of person. She does love looking and liking Jinx posts in order to support her

♡ Certified funny Animals Clips Lover.

♡ after getting together with Caitlyn, she'd convince her to have matching wallpapers🤭

CAITLYN KIRAMMAN

♤ 100% an iPhone user. I don't make the rules ❗️🤷🏾‍♀️

♤ always got a new one every year from her parents. She does keep the same/familiar type of phone case: either a very simple one coloured one or something with her family's symbol.

♤ average to a big amount of screentime, depending on her mood. the more stressed she gets, the higher her urge to turn herself away from the real world as well.

♤ Has a decent number of followers on any platform: would get a ton of brand deals as well if she'd want to but decides to be one of those who post once a week/month.

♤ She does post more after she gets together with Vi: Her pictures turning from sceneries of Piltover or gatherings she had to attend to more domestic life-like pics where she actually smiles.

this gen made fun writing..might do something in the future with other characters if anyone's interested!^^

[celestie0]

hello, my lil smut for ch 10 enthusiasts!

i know most of you are here for porn without plot, with little to no care about the plot, but let me get something very straight to you: ellie has mentioned before that kickoff is a slow-burn, it’s in tags too (cue: go check them out).

you might be wondering what a slow burn is (i fully believe you have slow comprehension skills, it’s fine, i myself am dyslexic), but for your ease here’s a number of definitions of slow burn from google:

A slow burn is when the romantic attraction between characters builds slowly over the course of a novel or series.

— bookriot.com

If something is a slow burn, or if it happens on a slow burn, it develops slowly.

— collinsdictionary.com

The slow-burn genre in movies is typically characterized by deliberate pacing, restrained storytelling, and a gradual buildup of tension and suspense.

— collider.com

Slow burn love is a love that goes beyond the initial spark of attraction — it is, as the name suggests, a kind of love that requires time and attention, but that can also last.

— slice.ca

next time, i would suggest you all should use google to search for terms you do not understand the meaning of, or better yet when you do understand something (which i am sure you do), you must always consider it and the feelings of the writer before you send insensitive asks to them.

moving on, you all are in fact very horny and need to get laid instead of asking ellie or anyone to write you smut. ellie had specified multiple time that kickoff chapter 10 will not have any amount of smut in it. if you want to read smut jjk fandom is very horny there are at least 2000 smuts of gojo satoru on tumblr and ao3 alone, you should read those. very easy to find them.

anyways, here are the reasons why smut in chapter 10 of kickoff is bad idea:

reader is an introvert, she’s not weak, not insecure, she is an introvert. i am not saying introverts don’t hook up because they do so. but reader is not the kind to hook up the first chance she gets.

reader and gojo are not just two people who are lusting after one another, their feelings are both emotionally and sexually very strong for each other and they respect one another a little too much to jump in to fucking each other and ruining their relationship before it even begins. why will it be ruined? because they both have not bonded as much as you all would like to pretend they have.

it is one thing to have sex with a stranger or a friend you find attractive and not let it interfere with your relationship with a person than doing the same with someone you are interested in. when you like someone, there are emotions involved. there is a lot more that satoru and reader need to sort out before they should consider sex.

they want a long lasting relationship with each other, rushing into sex will hinder that, because when you rush into things you do not let them develop with the ease and smoothness that they would have had had unnecessary stress not influenced the they. for a relationship to be successful, the foundation needs to be strong. you do not build a foundation by fucking each other’s brains out but rather by doing other mature stuff like bonding through conversations and emotional and significant gestures.

remember when reader walked out of that washroom leaving satoru with blue balls? remember when satoru refused to touch her when reader when asked him to? yes, you are invalidating their entire personalities by asking them to fuck each other already.

they each have a personality, and neither falls in the bracket of fucking the person they want to spend their lives with without letting the relationship marinate enough to last.

they began fresh in chapter 9, where reader made it very clear that satoru needs to reassure her of his feelings. you are not reading the same fic that most readers are if you think they have been together for a long time now, because trust me the last 4 chapters have been anything but smooth sailing between them. if that is your definition of “been together for a long time”, maybe reconsider the relationships you have in your present lives because it requires revaluation.

when they established starting afresh, it meant they will rebuild their bond, which means that they will need to go back to square one and start to focus on one another in order to strengthen their bond and state their feelings in a more tangible manner.

when ellie wrote this fic, she created an outline of the plot, the events that would take place and their sequence; you expressing your disappointment will do nothing but demotivate her and it will definitely not make her write that smut for you.

this is ellie’s fic, and the plot in her fic does not allow her to write smut in chapter 10. done.

a bonus:

if you’re asking reader to make gojo jealous maybe consider the fact that they have indeed established semi-exclusivity, and in order to build the foundation of a relationship you need to act petty like pulling cheap stunts to make the other person jealous.

i need you to realise that kickoff is a rather realistic, non-toxic piece of fiction where two people who are into each other are not going to fuck before reassuring the other of their feelings.

wait patiently, and the good will come to you. if you can’t do so and would prefer to send ellie hate, send in passive aggressive messages to make her characters have sex, or give her backhanded compliments disguising your demand for the couple to fuck, you should:

use your creativity, your knowledge of english and write a smutty fic.

go ahead and read one of thousands of other gojo smut.

stay quiet and keep your opinion to yourself, kickoff is free for you. ellie is not your provider, she is sharing the fic with you. if you want her to do something that desperately, negotiate a commission.

anyways, kickoff has healed me.

some of you loudmouthed ones may not care about plot, just the smut, but most of us are here for the plot. we like the plot, we like knowing what’s going on in the lives of the characters. we enjoy their lives, we grieve their loses. let the experience be fun for us and ellie, and leave if you cannot behave in a civil manner.

the only things that’s acceptable of you readers are constructive criticism and love. if you don’t have either of it to give, kindly quieten yourself and close the tab. leaving the fic would be easier than being frustrated over it.

apologies for the mistakes, the ask was written and sent in absolute rage over a small fraction of you very insensitive people.

💌🫶🏼

flowie, i could cry. seriously idk how you manage to know my own story more than i do LOOOL but i swear every time that you reflect so deeply on kickoff, it has me in awe and in tears because i just feel so seen by you. and thank you SO much for standing up n making these points, because they are points that i've really wanted to make but was just too scared to, and i feel so safe to see that you've written this out for me in my defense 😭😭😭

those definitions of slow burn had me tearing up so bad idk why sdfkjdshfklj i think because they take slow burn as more than just "oh two characters wait long time to fuck" and make it into something more, and honestly even i needed to have that put into perspective for me! thank you so much :'')

your understanding for my characters 😭😭 i just i canttskfksjdf. i totally agree 100% w all your points, and they completely align w the creative direction i want to take w my story. i KNOW that sex can be spontaneous, and doesn't always need to be goody goody and within the confines of a relationship. i have enjoyed so many stories where sex is wild n toxic n crazy, because i just think it fits the VIBE of that specific story.

but i've tried to show time n time again w kickoff characters specifically that they aren't as inclined to act on their libidos, at least not when they truly care about someone else AND when they're trying to look out for themselves (like the examples you brought up, w reader putting her foot down during the bathroom sex scene. or when gojo refused to touch reader in the hotel room bc he knew that she would regret it in the morning)

i knowww that readers have different perspectives on these scenes, and i LOVE that. there's absolutely no right or wrong way to interpret a scene, because stories are inherently subjective and are meant to be enjoyed that way. i have interpreted scenes in my own favorite stories very differently from maybe what the author had in mind, or what other readers had in mind. but what i find really upsetting about people expecting me to include smut prematurely is that it makes me feel like you're not really reading my story for what is is, and rather you want me to make it into something that YOU want, disregarding all of my other attempts to really try n show my readers who these characters are. if reader was spontaneous or if gojo was careless, and these traits were shown in the story, then maybe i could understand certain expectations, but i've tried to put thought into showing their personalities, and for certain readers to entirely gloss over it and move straight to "SEXSEXSEX" is really disheartening, n yes demotivating for me as well.

there's a difference between "oh my god it would've been so hot if they fucked in that bathroom, but i guess it makes sense why they didn't...can't wait for them to slut each other out eventually tho!!" and sending me a direct ask that just says "i am so disappointed you're not gonna make them fuck in the next chapter, even though you've spent the past two months working on it and it's 80 pgs long and you haven't even released it yet but i'm still going to be passive aggressive n find fault w it because! me want sex!! me want sex!!"

i think deeply about my stories because they are personal to me. it's like journaling essentially LOL. i've mentioned before that kickoff is an ode to a painful situationship i had my first year of college, and i've also mentioned that reader is based off of a very close friend of mine who i love very dearly n i feel so bad that she doesn't believe in herself at times, and i wanted to show her how much i'm rooting for her through my story. i figured, well if i'm going to write a story, might as well share it w others and i'm a horny bitch so of fucking course there's gonna be smut.

like it's a win win situation for everyone i think?? i get to write what i want, i get to share what i want, n i get to entertain my lovely lil readers, n we all get to interact w eachother n make cute lil headcanons n talk about our days, n then we move on w our lives until next time?? why can't it just be like this, lol. i think if some people just really toned down their entitlement, then the writing community as a whole would thrive.

ANWYASY sorry flowie i didn't really direclty respond to your words, kinda went on a rant here, but tbh i think you said everything i wanted to say :'') so thanks bb <33 LOVE YOU SO MUCH

[simplecatgirl]

What floors me about the dropout TV discourse is that it's just people being transmisogynistic over, quite frankly, the most basic level of progressive critique that every other marginalized group had made about any media company. People talk about the "lack of critical thinking." It's not that. It's the wilful lack of applying any progressive lens in support of trans women. Like damn, people can write essays and books about the complex elements that form transmisogyny, but if you know how bias and systemic bigotry work, half the work is already done for you. It's weird for a company that most of its content is pop culture/nerd base that TMAs contribute to, so they do not even have one regular TMA guest.

It would be weird for a sports commentary channel to have little to no black person on it, and it's the same excuses, too.

"Oh well, they did have trans women." Yeah, the same three women that everyone mentions that barely show up ever again.

"They do have some TMAs characters in their dnd campaign." They are either joke characters, love interests that barely show up, or, in general, characters that can be so easily "disposed" or pushed back into the background before the audience gets too uncomfortable about a trans woman being around.

"Oh, but they had drag queens on." Listen, I think it might be a bit bad to equate drag queens with trans women without considering the very real issues trans women have with drag. It's the same playbook, and people are still losing their minds. Because I genuinely think people refuse to see trans women's issues that can't be dismissed as just basic transphobia.

I have no hate in my heart for Dropout TV. What they do is valuable and needed in the study. And, there is a real thing that might hinder their ability to have regular trans women that aren't bullshit, which is the fact besides trans women being present in all corners of nerd media, these corners are so infested with transmisogyny and general misogyny that as a response, trans women tend to either stick to themselves or an insular group as a means to protect themselves and each other. It is not foolproof, but damn does it work more than it doesn't. So, I wouldn't fault any trans creator for looking at the current lineup of Dropout TV and going, "Yeah, no."

But that's more of a reason to open up and enlist more TMAs, which would go a long way. It's maddening to see people trying to push on it. Cause either you don't understand basic critique, or you don't like trans women.

[iliadicjasontodd]

:D talk to me abt Shelia! Love your posts and I'd love to hear abt your thoughts!

Hi! Thank you :)) SO.

My thoughts on Sheila Haywood are not 100% stable, and there were times in the past where I would often waver on whether I believed she was even actually Jason's biological mother-- there is some compelling tragedy to that idea, isn't there? He dies chasing a woman he never finds, dies for someone who was not who he believed she was at all... but nowadays I mostly apply Occam's razor here. I also am not a huge fan of the idea of Lady Shiva being Jason's biological mother because I like Jason not coming from some larger-than-life bloodline/inheritance besides the ones he is adopted into; it feels very close to the idea that Jason was "doomed from the start" to me (obligatory disclaimer that I have seen it done interestingly but. yeah anyway a lot of that goes into my feelings on Cass which is not the question here so I digress).

I find Sheila's life fascinating in the sense that she is, when we meet her, obviously a shitty person but shitty in a way that feels very real to me. She is often flattened or villanised in a way that I wouldn't say isn't fair to her but I would say is rather boring, and rather easy and one-note, anyway. I am not convinced, for instance, that Sheila was just born a heinous bitch or something; I'm fairly certain that she became opportunistic and ruthless out of self-preservation over time, to the point that I don't think it would be ludicrous to say she gave up Jason partly for Jason's sake as much as because she could not stomach being hindered by a baby. Also, on a different note, it is interesting to me that she didn't abort him (until he was 15, anyway). Maybe it was out of fear, sure, considering what happened at her hands, but maybe part of her did want to have him. I do not think there is a world in which she would have been the best mother to Jason, but I do think there are many where she was a mother of some kind-- and by some kind, I mean a very, very common kind. Women are not inherently maternal, or warm, or emotionally intelligent, and Sheila is not really any of these things and probably knew it, but I do believe she would have at least effectively gotten Jason to adulthood had they ended up in a world where he was her responsibility in a way she acknowledged made him her responsibility. A lot of my views on this are admittedly influenced by convos in dms, but yeah-- I don't think Jason, empathetic and sensitive and emotional as he is, could have ever gotten along with Sheila, but she is his mother. To Jason, who died trying to save her despite everything, that mattered; and, to Sheila, that mattered at the end, too, just far, far too late. I don't think Jason would mind having been buried near her-- actually, I think if Bruce knew exactly what went down it would bother him more to have buried Jay there than it would Jay, probably. I agree with that post that I think I reblogged recently that says if Sheila ever came back to life Jason would want her in his life. I agree with it so thoroughly I might write it myself one day.

And also she was really hot.

If we're going into constructed headcanon territory I do like the idea that Sheila is one of those Latina middle-aged women that bleach their hair that one specific shade of blonde when they hit 30 or so. Latines know which. But usually, tbh, when I'm feeling specific, I ascribe to the idea that Jason is half-Mexican on Willis' side, Willis who he thoroughly resembles, Sheila being white. I'm not married to any idea about her ethnic background or anything though.

Anyway, I could afford to have more thoughts about Sheila, tbh. I admittedly spend far more time thinking about Willis. I hope this was at least a bit interesting, anon :))

[the-daiz]

heyyy i know drive knight is definitely hard to write about, but.. do you think you could write something about him slowly gaining feelings for the reader? i think itd be really cute (assuming hes maybe a cyborg like genos)

Drive knight, falling inlove?

Genre; fluff, hcs

Pairing: Drive knight x reader

side note; Hi Anonn, I didn’t expect my first ask for opm to be about drive knight tbh. Drive is definitely a complicated ask,, also there isn’t a single fic about him damn. Anyhow, you ask and you shall receive!

also this is longer than expected

Drive knight is an interesting and mysterious character. There really isn’t much information about him I can go off of.

Because he has the same core thing Genos has, i’m going to assume he’s a cyborg for the sake of this fic.

Drive is cold and does not care for much, he is simply focused on his own goals. The well being of others doesn’t concern him, hero or civilian.

So it was new when you caught his eye. It was probably your intelligence and calculated skills that piqued his interest in you at first. Your logic-oriented approach to things, and even your resourcefulness made him want to learn more about you. He figured your abstract knowledge and talent could aid him in his own objectives.

He observes you for awhile. Not in a weird or stalkerish way, simply just watching you whenever the both of you so happened to be in the same space together. He silently absorbs every word you say and every action or move you take. It’s not obvious at all, actually.

When he finds that he wants to learn even more about you or maybe he thinks you have information that maybe of use to him, He’ll start engaging in conversations with you, in a very tactical manner though. Most of the time He’ll interrogate you about information or discuss theories he has. The convos are often emotionless and very straight to the point.

solely from these interactions, and the fact he does not reciprocate any type of greeting or pleasantries, you’ll likely be intimidated by him.

moving on,

It all starts when Drive knight has some new theory he thinks you might able to help him delve deeper into. When he goes up to you with his usual monotoned call for your name, which is his way of greeting people, you assumed, and his gaze falls onto a patched up area on the whole of your lower arm. He feels something in him shift slightly and he asks you about it, before he even starts talking about his theories. It honestly caught you off guard . You tell him that you dropped some hot oil on your arm while cooking and burned yourself but it was no big deal.

he stays silent for a few moments, his one mechanical eye leering down at you, then he simply tells you that you should be more careful, and sustaining a hindering wound while doing such a mundane task is un-exemplary. You weren’t sure if he was worried or disappointed in you…?

then he quickly switches the topic to what he originally came to discuss.

Afterwards, Drive knight thinks back to that interaction and confusion settles in him. He didn’t know why he was eager to know what had happened to you, and why he even advised you to be careful… He brushes it off.

it was when he starts picking up, and I mean actually noticing other things about you, that he starts to grow truly perplexed. The way you walked, sipped your tea, brushed off the creases in your outfit and straightened your back whenever someone approached you, and many other subtle characteristics he picked up on, lingered in the back of his mind.

he started appreciating you, and those subtle acts of yours. He enjoyed how human you were.

Again, however, he ignored that little nagging voice in his head.

Subconsciously, he started doing things out of character of him. He started greeting you with a ‘hello’, which he never did, and even mutely acknowledged your presence with a curt nod even if he didn’t want anything from you at that time.

his core starts to warm up slightly when he’s speaking to you, and sometimes he gets lost in your eyes or even just your features when you’re speaking. He starts occasionally feeling worried about you, or might randomly start to wonder what you’re currently doing.

Of course, when he starts to act more warmly to you, you start seeking him out yourself, maybe just for advice or discuss your own theories or even just to tell him something random that happened to you.

When he finally realizes that his feelings towards you were romantic, he’s in conflict with himself. Does he just have to live with these feelings, at least, until they diminish and satisfy them with the small interactions you have? Would they distract him from ultimate ambition? Would his feelings grow to the point a mere exchange of words with you here or there might not satisfy him?

Thankfully, the feelings he has toward you rarely ever distract him. Even though you do cross his mind every now and then, it’s nothing too intense or he couldn’t push away.

He still prioritizes his goal above everything else.

He would start to view his feelings for you as simply another variable to account for. Maybe not positively at first. He starts analyzing you from a distance, trying to figure out why you make him feel the way he does.

after awhile of trying to grapple his emotions, he just comes to the conclusion that this was just a part of human connections, and if he wanted to live amongst them, he must learn to adapt to this.

After a very long while, he’ll confess. He’s very matter-of-factly about it, too. “Through my observations, I have determined that I hold a special interest in you. I would like to pursue further understanding of this dynamic.” And yada yada.

when you reciprocate his feelings, he feels something being lifted off his chest, something he didn’t even know was there.

how he acts in your relationship… very professional? He’s not affectionate, not physically or verbally, doesn’t really have a label for you either. He won’t call you his partner, boyfriend/girlfriend. You’re just Y/n to him, someone Maybe if you probe him about it, he’ll refer to you as his significant other.

his love language is acts of service,

his protectiveness over you would likely increase after you’ve made it “official”. In a very strategic way. He’ll analyze the threat then neutralize it as quickly and efficiently as possible before you’re even aware of any danger. And this also counts for unserious dangers.

ex: the eggs had run out but you were planning to have eggs for breakfast. Drive will quickly buy you some eggs and put them in the fridge before you even notice.

He would also improve your living conditions by installing Security systems, or fixing any type of mechanical/electronical issue.

he also gives you gifts that are more efficient than they are sentimental. Probably something that would personally help you or make your life easier.

Doesn’t complement you much on his own. If you ask if he likes your outfit or you if you look good, he’ll say yes (or answer honestly), really doesn’t go further than that.

Kissing… he can’t kiss you obviously, but you can kiss him. He doesn’t mind when or if you kiss him, he actually kind of likes it.

Won’t seek out sensual intimacy with you but will reciprocate it, rather awkwardly, if you offer it. (Ex: holding hands, hugging, cuddling, possibly.)

He generally just loves having conversations with you, whether they’re tactical or just random talks about anything.

[yanderes-galore]

A Enki concept from Fear And Hunger, please?

Sure! I have a feeling this is going to be similar to the other Enki thing I wrote so I will also link that here. Here's my general thoughts on Enki.

Yandere! Enki Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Demeaning behavior, Violence, Murder, Delusional behavior, Blood, Necromancy, Forced companionship/relationship.

I feel like Enki is one of the most intense yanderes in the long run... out of the main four characters, of course.

He's slow to obsess, but once he does...

He's beyond insane and delusional.

Enki is often reclusive, only ever paying attention to his studies.

He's rude and closed off, so to get close to him you have to try hard.

He doesn't usually enjoy working with others unless he can benefit from it.

He's a confident and proud man, most of the time these traits are seen as arrogant or condescending.

You'd need some serious patience dealing with him.

However, traversing these dungeons are better in numbers.

You may simply put up with him because you need him to traverse safely due to his magic.

Enki typically keeps his relationships transactional.

When he first meets you, he sees your partnership as temporary.

You two are just meant to travel together.

Is it really that surprising to learn he's just using you for protection?

He has a tendency to dismiss concerns and doesn't typically display fondness or gratitude.

You put up with him for his knowledge...

But it turns out things may get worse between you.

For a long time on your travels, Enki is going to be rude.

He's a disturbing yandere to have, but so difficult to get.

Considering what he does later, it's for the best honestly.

In terms of what might make him obsessed faster, I'd say aiding him in both combat and knowledge seeking.

It takes a long time for Enki to be obsessed over someone regular compared to a Dark Priest! Darling

He just sees you like a business partner, not necessarily a friend or anything more than that.

Although, as you two travel together, he gets used to you.

It's hard for him to form complex relationships.

To become a Dark Priest he had to kill his sister just to learn necromancy.

His sister was probably his closest connection.

In that case it's understandable why he struggles putting a name to what he feels towards you.

It's not like he's scared of personal connection...

He just doesn't think of it often.

Not until he's around you so often.

You two experience life or death situations often.

The few times you get breaks usually leads to conversation and reading.

You actually might learn a decent amount from Enki, which is probably a small way you two bond.

Enki respects your wish to learn.

He himself wants to find enlightenment, so he respects you eventually.

That respect is what ends up creating his obsession.

Just enough interest to make him realize you may be important to him.

He is one of the darker yanderes as he is not hindered by morals.

He conducts all sorts of taboo magic and doesn't mind murder.

Which means he probably won't hold back if he snaps.

Out of all of the main four (Cahara, D'arce, Ragnvaldr, Enki), Enki is the one most likely to kill his obsession.

He wouldn't do it for no reason.

In his eyes, if you ever tried to leave him once he's obsessed, he feels the only way to keep you to himself would be killing you.

For him, that makes sense due to the whole necromancy thing.

That alone makes him one of the more intense yanderes, even if he takes forever to obsess.

You'd be more likely to get one of the other characters obsessed with you before Enki.

The only one just as intense (according to how I write them) is maybe Le'Garde with his attempts to force you into god hood.

All playable characters are pretty bad, but Le'Garde and Enki may be the worst.

Enki's obsession would be subtle until he notices you wanting to cut off your partnership.

Maybe you want to leave upon entering the golden throne room.

That or you wish to abandon the quest somewhere else.

Early on, Enki may accept this and just leave the party.

But by the time he's obsessed, by the time he's followed you around and studied beside you, by the time he finally feels attached...?

The moment you wish to leave him...

That would be when Enki snaps.

It's no longer hidden smiles or oddly fond gazes.

Enki would shove a dagger into your gut with no mercy while telling you how much he adores you.

He'll tell you that you two are bonded now, you're meant to be.

He won't let you just walk out now.

His gaze is fond even as you cough up blood, the essence pouring from your neck as he twists the dagger.

As if it's some sort of punishment.

Your independence, and quite possibly your sentience, ends there.

If you left Enki, he'd kill you...

Just to make you a ghoul for his own amusement.

This way, he can keep your companionship.

You may not be as warm or even speak...

But you'll be his.

By the time he's attached, that's all he cares about...

He just wants you as his... Even if you're a ghoul made by his hands.

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the nintendo ds, pile two is the panasonic, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 🌐

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"The Gospel Truth I / Main Titles" from Hercules

"I Want It All" from High School Musical 3

"Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama

"Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani

"Breakthrough" from Lemonade Mouth

Cards:

Three of Wands, Six of Cups, The Hermit (Rx), The Empress, The Magician, Knight of Coins, Ten of Swords, The Chariot, Eight of Wands

Reading:

Those who chose this pile might've really liked the movie "Hercules" as a kid; I told your inner child I'd never seen the movie, and they were offended 😭. Little you might've had really big ambitions and dreams but maybe felt like things and/or people held them back. My internet randomly went out when writing, so I feel like that was a sign of how your inner child felt or could even feel at this time. 

You could be someone who has to rely a ton on self-motivation rather than being able to depend on others; you may feel like you always had to take "the long way around" in order to accomplish things you really wanted to do. Your inner child can tell you still have to do that and actually admires that you're willing and able to rely on yourself rather than others; it's like they see it as a thread connecting you to them - like you never left each other or changed all that much. As much as they admire this connection, they also can tell you're still lonely and feel rejected by society; they might even feel this way themselves. 

Your inner child wants you to connect more to the energy of The Empress. For some of you, they want you to literally comfort them and listen to them like a mother would. They want you to tap into your emotions and recognize what all you feel, consciously and subconsciously. More than anything, they want you to stand up for yourself and ask for what it is you need. If you need someone other than yourself to rely on, they want you to turn to people in your life and ask them to help you or share with them things you've been hiding out of fear. If you need obstacles to be removed more easily, they want you to ask your guides and the universe to help remove them; they might even want you to confront the people or objects hindering you personally. If you need a figurative breakthrough, they want you to ask for it. 

With The Magician, your inner child recognizes you have the potential to accomplish whatever it is you want to, and that ambition and hard work you've always relied on gets you through a ton, but things could potentially be a lot easier if you ask for the help you're wanting. Some of you may be feeling very bitter about having to do things all on your own; some of you may even be averse to asking others for help, but your inner child is asking that you try anyway. They want you to embark on this journey with them even if you think nothing will come of it. With Eight of Wands at the bottom of the deck, things may actually work out better than you think. 

Overall, your inner child wants you to ask for the help you need. If you never ask for help directly, then you'll never receive it. Of course, some people will be stubborn and not help, but there is also likely a group of people who are willing to do so but never knew you were struggling in the first place. With the cards in this pile, you do have control over your situation pile one; it may not feel that way, but you can achieve more than you think - even if it takes forever and a day to do so.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Year 3000" by the Jonas Brothers

"Fruit Salad" by The Wiggles

"The Naked Mole Rat" from Kim Possible

"Brand New Day" from Camp Rock 2

"Naturally" by Selena Gomez

Cards:

Six of Cups, Page of Cups, The Magician, Five of Swords, Four of Coins, Four of Cups, Three of Swords, Five of Cups, Two of Wands, Queen of Swords, Five of Coins, Six of Coins

Reading:

With the "Year 3000" coming out first, I feel like this pile might have people who were super into science-fiction as kids! You could've loved movies like Meet the Robinsons and Minutemen. You might've been a quiet kid who, when they were finally comfortable with someone, ended up talking a ton; I found this really endearing, so if you still do that or feel an urge to - don't shy away from that!

Your inner child is another one that's open to the idea of nostalgia and may feel like there's a clear connection to the current you and them. You could have youthful features or a youthful way of thinking; maybe you're very optimistic and sensitive, and you might even be very intuitive. You could be highly perceptive to things relating to the spiritual realm; with that, you may find that things like magic, manifestation, etc. come easy for you. Despite this, you may not share those gifts, or you may feel ashamed of these traits connected to you. 

You could've been bullied as a child or always felt as if you had to submit to other people rather than being who you truly are. Maybe you were shamed for being too sensitive; people might've said you were too optimistic or in your head and not being realistic. Because of this, you might've decided to close yourself off from others - emotionally and in other ways. You may have evaluated what people said about you and took it to heart, deciding to become who they wanted you to be versus existing as you were/are. You might've felt like you were in a situation where you act how people want you to, or you don't survive - even if it hurt you a ton. 

It seems like your inner child is heartbroken by your choice to close yourself off - when you decided to do it and also now as you continue to engage in that behavior. I also accidentally wrote your future child, so there could be a worry that you take the advice you were given as a kid and impose it on your future child which would only make the pain generational. To an extent, they feel as if you're harming yourself and staying stuck in the same place you were a kid when you decide to close yourself off to others. Some of you may be in the same hometown or around the same people that caused you to become this warped, unrealistic version of yourself. I heard, "I just want you back". 

Your inner child wants you to leave the area you're in completely - this could be the physical space your in and/or the mental space you're in where you've cut yourself off from being your true self. Your inner child wants you to use the knowledge and experience you've gained along with the optimism and sensitivity you had as a child. That power I was talking of earlier in terms of connection to spirituality and intuition still exists; the "unrealistic" things you want are still possible. It's okay to daydream a little while also including some realism; you don't have to be "the stuffy adult they told you that you have to be". 

For this pile, this acceptance of all the things about yourself that you were told to shun would do you good. Your inner child would be happier, but it could also lighten a load on your current self. Instead of feeling isolated and not like yourself, you could be your authentic self and find that people are now more accepting and similar to you than they once were. It's also important to note that often you as an individual are not the issue, but the environment you're placed in can be. Don't be afraid to express the parts of yourself you hid for so long; it's important to be true to yourself over anyone else. 

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Lovebug" by the Jonas Brothers

"Be Prepared" from the Lion King

"Un Poco Loco" from Coco

"Don't Run Away" from Let It Shine

"Suite Life of Zack & Cody Theme" from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody

Cards:

The Sun, Nine of Wands, King of Swords, Justice, Ten of Wands, Ace of Coins, The Tower, The Devil (Rx), The World, Six of Coins, Six of Wands

Reading:

For those who chose this pile, you might've been chronically sad as a child. You could've started out with a sunny, positive disposition, but it seems that happiness might've been destroyed early on in your life. Some of you might have been the type of kid that sympathized with the villains because you understood why they did what they did. Others of you might have loved love as a child, but the idea of love you had became warped - maybe because your parents mirrored bad love habits or you were left heartbroken early in your life; I get the feeling you and your inner child still love love though!

You might've understood the rough or undesirable circumstances you grew up in very early and learned how to persevere through them. You're the type of person that understands how to keep going when it seems like everything and everyone is wanting you to give up or wither down. Your experiences with a lack of happiness may lead you to take on a leadership type of role in your current position. You could be the type of person to build up relationships slowly, you could have a strong sense of what justice is and what's "good" and "wrong". 

Your inner child feels as if you always had to be more adult than they wanted to be. This could've doubled as a blessing and a curse because taking control and being more mature led you to more security and knowledge, but it also meant you never truly experienced a childhood in a sense. It seems like this upsets your inner child a lot; it gives them a lot of anxiety because it's like they were a child for a short period of time, and then all of sudden they were left behind, and you just magically became an adult. 

This pile's inner child wants you to go back and look at your foundations - to re-evaluate why you had to become an adult so fast. They want to be able to release all the anger they have towards the fact they couldn't be the kid they were. Overall, your inner child wants to be happy again - like they were when they could still be the young child they were. Your inner child wants to talk; for some of you, they want counseling and/or therapy. For some of you, they want you to take care of them like you took care of others your whole life. 

Along with self-reflection and possible therapy, I'd also recommend engaging in activities you liked as a child and/or activities your inner child might like pile three. You don't have to do this all the time, but I think your inner child would like it if you integrated them with your current self more; I said this earlier, but they very much feel as if you abandoned them almost? Overall, they're saying they want some type of closure, but inner children never really leave you know? It's important to foster them just as much as you foster and take care of your current self, so maybe look into how you can cater to them more and in turn cater to the present you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Ev'rybody Wants To Be A Cat" from the Aristocats

"Call Me, Beep Me" from Kim Possible

"It's My Turn Now" From Jump In

"I See The Light" from Tangled

"The Fairly Oddparents Theme" from The Fairly Oddparents

Cards:

The World, Page of Cups (Rx), Nine of Cups, The Empress, Three of Wands (Rx), Knight of Cups (Rx), King of Wands, Four of Wands, Four of Coins, Two of Cups (Rx), Judgment, The Star

Reading:

For those who chose this pile, your inner child seems really happy with you overall! Something could be coming in for you soon that makes them very excited, and/or you're doing things in your life that makes them so proud of you. It's like a "I knew you could make it" attitude from them. Despite childhood problems and other things trying to knock you off your path, you've always pulled through and made things work for you and given yourself a ton of life fulfillment as a result. The second verse from "It's My Turn" explains your current energy very well according to your inner child. 

Your inner child wants to talk about the way you interact with your emotions, nature, and the way you view your accomplishments. Although your inner child sees you as succeeding, it seems your current self does not see things the same way. You could feel as if things are delayed, and as a result you're frustrated. Your inner child sees this as you being petty and moody; almost like you're throwing a tantrum for some of you. You could think luck isn't on your side, and therefore you feel immense anxiety and internal imbalance. Some of you are trying to rush things when there's nothing to rush - it's a matter of patience and resilience as you wait for things to come in. 

With the King of Wands, this pile does have a lot of inner strength, and your inner child wants you to hone in on that skill. They want you to be bold in your decisions and self-expression; for them, being loud and open about who they are and what it is they want to do is important. They want everyone to know you're going to all these events and aspire to be whatever profession you want because they know you (and as a result, they) can do anything it is you/they want. They don't want you to be "stingy with information”. 

To an extent, your inner child feels disconnected from you. They could feel as if you don't talk to them enough, and/or they feel as if you don't come to them for advice even though they have good ideas too! They can be helpful too! Your inner child has a lot of ideas and ambitions that they feel you're shutting out or forgetting about, but they know they can achieve them if you let them. 

Overall, this pile's inner child wants them to recognize how much it is you're achieving - even if it doesn't feel like it. They want you to listen to them because they have great ideas that can lead you to achieve goals you and they have. Overall, they want you to have hope because good things are coming in, and you're gonna be so happy soon; they want to be able to enjoy that merriment with you, but you have to be willing to let them. Your inner child wants your mentality to match with your reality and their mentality; they want you to shed your anxiety and instead think of what all you have accomplished because they're ready to go for more.