#i think that is the general vibe of this and my last fic actually | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mmogurl · 5 months ago

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Last to Fall Chapter 1 - My Demons

18+ | 10k | Aegon II Targaryen X Female Maid / Dragonseed Reader | miserable, alcoholic, often dissociative, needs comfort Aegon | virgin reader, maiden, emotional abuse, first time sex, P in V, smut, wholesome, fluff, this whole thing is actually kind of sweet compared to what I usually write.

This fic is heavily inspired by the infamous 'Nothing' scene with Aegon and Alicent. Her cold words and the way she lashes out really bothered me and I felt a strong need to stand up for him, protect, and console him. So that's really what this whole fic is about. Enjoy! Also went with a lot of musical vibing for this story. I started off listening to Collective Soul's Heavy, because I imagine it as Aegon's state of mind in the opening scene towards everyone and everything happening. And by the end we transition into Starset's Last to Fall - and the title of the fic. I know, I'm a sappy mf.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 On AO3

Retroactive update 10/29/24: I've also decided that I'm going to try my best to fit every chapter to a Starset song because the whole Series is based off the title of one (Last to Fall) which was originally going to be a oneshot and got extended. I'm enjoying the challenge of finding one that suits each theme/ story! They're not all going to be perfectly aligned, but I'll try my best. This one is Starset - My Demons adding onto the two songs I already referenced here - but this one just felt so perfect!

Complicate this world you wrapped for me I'm acquainted with your suffering

All your weight it falls on me It brings me down All your weight it falls on me It falls on me

~Collective Soul - Heavy

—You

You have worked in the castle for as long as you can remember, always hearing the whisperings of the chamberlain, the laundress, and any other keep staff prone to gossip, that you were the late king’s bastard. There were always underhanded comments of jealousy uttered in your direction, like ‘It must be nice to have a king’s blood runnin’ through yer veins... To have yer needs met for life.’ In truth, you were worried that the Queen Dowager might see fit to dispose of you now that her husband had passed.

So far, it seems your fair looks, expertise, and agreeable demeanor has secured your position, at least for the time being, but you are not so naive as to think that will last forever.

You tended to King Viserys for six summers, and with his death you’ve been reassigned to serve the new Protector of the Realm, Aegon II Targaryen. You are mildly concerned about this development considering the rumors you’ve heard about the young prince over the years. Drinking and philandering to excess, he was rumored to be a true hedonist, only taking satisfaction when drowning himself in pleasure. It is for this very reason, that you’re surprised by your observations of your new lord within the first weeks of your employ as his chambermaid and general attendant.

You find he spends a lot of time sitting in near darkness with barely a couple candles lit in his room at night, kept company only by a carafe of wine and wearing a disassociated look on his face that could be taken for misery if it didn’t appear so apathetic in nature. It was as though he were actively trying to force himself into a mold that he would never fit into. This became even more apparent as you witnessed more of his interactions with his family, especially his mother and grand-sire. It seemed they were constantly trying to orchestrate the ruling of the Seven Kingdoms, nitpicking at every little decision Aegon made, pulling his strings just like a puppet.

You had listened from the sidelines of the Great Hall as the Hand second-guessed the king’s rulings. Even when the Aegon tried to embrace his seat upon the Iron Throne, he was made impotent by those not fit to govern. You could do nothing but stand by helplessly in saddened silence when he suffered the loss of his eldest son to assassins, while Otto Hightower forced him to parade young Jaehaerys’ corpse to the public along with his grief-stricken sister-wife, Helaena.

Day by day, your heart was beginning to ache for the emptiness you saw growing behind his amethyst eyes. And yet still he tried on most days to put a positive foot forward, even if by nightfall he usually turned back to engulfing his sorrows in drink. You couldn’t even blame him really given the complete lack of moral and emotional support the king had to endure.

This feeling of compassion built within you, until one day it peaked to a head as you made your way to Aegon’s chambers with fresh linens in hand, ready to fulfill your afternoon chores. You passed several Kingsguard as you made your way down the hall and paused outside the king’s rooms as you heard voices coming from within. The two white cloaks standing watch at the open threshold glanced at you in warning, so you simply waited with folded bedsheets in hand for the opportunity to complete your duties.

You knew you should not listen, but it was hard to ignore the distressed voice of the king from within, met by the indifferent attitude of the Queen Dowager. Oh no, you think to yourself sympathetically, she is at it again. It really did seem that tearing Aegon down piece by piece was not only a habit for his mother, but something she relished in.

“Do you think simply wearing the crown imbues you with wisdom,” Alicent’s voice echoed out against the vaulted ceiling of the room, her voice patronizing and condescending. “Those men at your council table earned their seats. It was my hope that once enthroned you would honor the burden of your new duties, be silent, and strive to learn from the more studied minds around you. In the hope that you might be half the king your father was…”

You tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat at hearing such baleful words. The king was not responding, and you could just imagine the pained look of agony that Aegon was sure to be wearing under the constant criticisms he faced as of late.

“Tread carefully,” you heard him say, barely carrying enough volume to hear from where you stood. You found yourself holding back a smile at that, happy that he was standing up to her for once. But, that only incensed the Queen Dowager more, her thirst to harm not yet quenched.

“Or what?” she says with venom coating her tongue. “You’ll hang me, as you did your rat catchers? Or have me banished as you did your Hand? I ruled in your father’s absence throughout his long illness, and Otto Hightower was as cunning a statesman as ever lived. You should humbly be seeking our opinions and counsel. You have no idea the sacrifices that were made to put you on that throne.”

You shook your head, unsure how any mother could ever speak to her child in such a manner, let alone to the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms. Perhaps it bothered you so because you had never known the tenderness of a mother’s love, but had spent many a daydream imagining what it might be like. With your idealistic and sometimes naive mind, you wanted to think that there was more love out there in the world than this, especially within the royal family. You wanted better for the young king you had grown to feel so protective of in such a short amount of time.

Aegon’s next words break your train of thought, “Wha-“ he started with an exasperated tone, “What would you have me do, Mother?”

“Do simply what is needed of you,” she replied and the frosty chill of her cold voice was evident even from the corridor. “Nothing.”

You feel tears well up in the corners of your eyes and try your best to ignore them. It was important as part of the castle staff to never appear to be listening, to always remain professional, but it wasn’t always possible when one was witness to such cruelty.

Quickly, you wipe the errant tears away as the Queen Dowager exits her son’s apartment, walking swiftly with a scowl on her face. With the king now alone in his chambers, you nod to the guards and head inside, pausing to close the doors behind you lest Aegon had wont of some privacy.

As you turned to face the room, the king sat off to the side of his table, leaning against the back of a chair, his head resting upon his hands in defeat. He did not stir as you entered and so you cleared your throat to let yourself be known. Aegon still made no move and so this time you spoke up.

“Your Grace, might I change the linens? Or should I come back later?” you ask, your voice hesitant, but filled with understanding.

He finally lifts his head, glancing at you for a moment before returning his attention to the nearly empty decanter of wine on the table.

“Fetch me some more wine instead,” he demands sullenly, and to this you nod and hurry off to fulfill his request. After what you’d heard him endure, you’d do just about anything to cheer him up now.

With a speed you did not think yourself capable, you retrieved, not just one, but two pitchers of strongwine for the king and prepared a small platter of snacks for him as well, consisting of cheese, crackers, figs, and grapes. You hoped he’d be pleased with your thoughtfulness, and sure enough, he did perk up a little at the sight of the tray you presented on the table before him.

Aegon got to his feet, walking around the chair he’d been leaning against and sitting in it instead. You filled his chalice and placed it before him, wearing an exaggerated smile upon your face, anything to lighten the onerous mood. The king surprises you when he actually notices, his composure faltering as he looks upon your benevolent countenance.

“Did you hear all of that then?” he asks, his jaw clenching slightly as he peers down at the crimson fluid within the cup before him.

“It is not my business, Your Grace,” you answer softly, not wanting to sound cold, but knowing it is not your place to comment on such things. “But, if I can do anything, or get anything more for you. Please just ask.”

“I never wanted to be be king, you know,” Aegon says abruptly, picking up the chalice and swirling the wine around inside it. “They hunted me down, forced me to be crowned… And yet, Mother tells me I do not deserve it, even though she has placed me upon the throne herself.”

You flounder with your words, uncertain of how to reply. Should you even say anything at all? Perhaps he just wants someone to listen who won’t respond with a scathing rebuke.

“She spoke of the rat catchers, bringing up the death of my eldest son as though it were nothing to me,” he continues without your input, staring into the contents of his chalice as though it might hold some insight. “She treats me as though I am nothing.”

He finally takes a long swig of the cup, emptying most of it in one gulp. Aegon sets it down on the table with a clatter of metal and wood, an almost despondent look on his face as he adds, “Perhaps I am nothing.”

“Your Grace, no! That is not true!” the words slip out, unable to hold back your feelings at his self-denigration. You immediately cover your mouth with startled surprise, knowing that you’ve overstepped.

Aegon halts, his shoulders tensing as his eyes drift up to you and his brow furls downwards in confusion. He regards you in earnest for what feels like the first time ever, his discerning gaze sweeping from your face, down to your skirts and back up again, sizing you up. “What would you know of it?”

You bite your lip anxiously, unsure of how to proceed, even though it seems by now that you’ve already gone past the point of returning to obscurity. Ultimately, you decide that if you’re going to lose your position within the Red Keep, that you’d prefer to let the king know how you feel first.

“I have seen how determined you are,” you say quietly, a lack of confidence in your voice as you address the king. “Even though it is obvious how much hardship you must abide.”

“I am the king. I do not abide anything,” he replies gruffly, but there’s no tooth in the words.

“Of course, Your Grace,” you reply as you cast your eyes downward, your posture stiffening as you stand more upright, waiting for the hammer of discipline to fall.

There is a pervasive silence that hangs heavy in the expansive chamber as you wait for the king to cast his verdict. Does he intend to overlook your impertinence or will he punish you severely?

You hear the trickle of liquid pouring and then the glass carafe clattering against the wood of the table. The sound of swallowing is audible, followed by Aegon’s lips smacking softly as he puts the chalice back down.

“Come here, girl,” he says suddenly in a low monotone.

You look up once more, hesitating; your eyes questioning as you try to understand his intentions, his expression inscrutable.

“Do I have to repeat myself?” he reiterates, his tone a little more firm, yet without the sound of malicious intent. “Come here.”

You gulp and step gingerly towards Aegon, standing before him as he sits in the high-back chair. “Yes, Your Grace?” you ask with an uncertain look on your face.

The king startles you when he turns his chair to face you, his hands wrapping around your waist as he pulls you towards him in one fluid motion. Before you even realize what is happening, Aegon has his face buried against your stomach while his fingers dig into the fabric of your dress at the small of your back.

For a moment you stand there frozen in shock, your arms out as if in surrender, unsure of how to respond or interpret this intimate gesture. But then, you feel his shoulders shake quietly, and it's that movement that clues you in to the nature of the king's actions. He is crying, albeit in his own restrained way.

Slowly, you lower your hands down, one resting on his back as the other smooths his white locks back against his scalp. You can feel him melt into your affectionate touch, his entire body slumping forward even as he continues to whimper quietly into your apron.

“Shh,” you say softly, trying to comfort him in a way that feels somehow natural to you despite the gap in caste. “It will be alright.” You are not fully convinced that it will be, but the young king needs some reassurance and you know you are the only one likely to give it to him.

You have secretly longed for a moment such as this to occur for awhile now, wishing you had the opportunity to provide the king with some semblance of reprieve. When you served Viserys, he never seemed very troubled, and was almost willfully ignorant to the problems that plagued his family. Aegon on the other hand, was tormented not only by his mother, but by the pressure he put on himself to please everyone, which was an impossible feat.

To soothe Aegon now and hold him in your arms, felt like putting one of the many wrongs he’d endured right, even if it was only a small fraction of what the man was owed.

Your fingers rake through his wavy tresses and you feel a surge of raw emotion as you tend to the king’s needs in a way you never imagined you would. Soon, his shaky breaths and silent tears begin to cease, replaced by sniffles as you continue to soothe him in the way his mother should have been for all of these years. You can sense his reluctance to leave your embrace, but there’s also a shame weighing heavy in the air for confiding such weakness in a simple chambermaid.

He nuzzles his eyes against the fabric of your dress, wiping his tears on the brown cloth before he abruptly pulls away and clears his throat. Aegon avoids looking directly at you, embarrassment evident in his now red and puffy eyes. He lets out a heavy sigh and you’re left feeling quite dumbfounded as he turns back to his wine.

For a long moment there is a tense and overwhelming silence, the only sounds present in the room are the soft pouring of wine into Aegon’s chalice and the glass clinking as he sets the carafe down.

You stare at the side of his face, feeling a knot form in your stomach at the growing distance. It’s as if he’s punishing you for witnessing his vulnerability, desperate to maintain the barrier between king and servant. Despite his aversion, you can’t help but feel the significance of what you shared, the way he pulled you in and how good it felt to hold him close.

The quiet stretches on, Aegon now occupied with emptying his cup as if trying to fill the void with drink. He speaks up once more, his tone now devoid of any traces of the exposed emotion you just viewed.

"That will be all," his words are devoid of any warmth or familiarity. "I don't need anything more from you tonight." Aegon’s fingers tremble subtly as he brings his glass to his lips, betraying his cold facade.

“Your Grace,” you say in acceptance of his decision, bowing your head to show deference. You turn and glance at the linens still stacked on top of the king’s bed and fret for a moment that you will get in trouble for not fulfilling your duties and changing the sheets. “Should I change the bedsheets before I leave?”

Aegon doesn’t even turn to face you, his eyes fixed on his chalice. His expression is closed off, distant, as he responds with a simple grunt of confirmation.

“Yes, yes. Do whatever it is you usually do,” he mutters dismissively, his voice lacking any real feeling. He lifts his cup to his mouth once more, drowning himself in the bitter taste of the wine.

You nod with the typical words of respectful assent and begin making the bed as you always do, except this time it feels different. Today you flew so very close to the sun and felt your skin bask in its heat. The absence of that warmth now leaves you feeling chilly, an overwhelming nothing replacing the typical humdrum of your chores. You can feel his presence in the room like a beacon calling you to shore, but you dare not approach him again.

When you finish your task, you leave the king’s chambers without saying a word, closing the door behind you as silently as you can.

For the next few days, the typical royal indifference that Aegon shows you is substituted for complete and utter disregard. He at least showed you a degree of quiet appreciation before, but now it seems he’s going out of his way to make it known that you do not exist to him. Aegon always keeps his eyes turned from you and makes no acknowledgment of your proximity, giving the impression that you are little more than a ghost.

Gone is the care-free spirit that the king usually possesses, always trying to pretend that he is happier than he actually is, at least when you are around him. It seems that Aegon erects a wall of guarded apathy the moment he becomes aware of you, sometimes so severe that you can actually see him transition into a frown at your approach.

You find yourself slinking around quietly whenever you must occupy his room at the same time that he is present. The mornings are especially tense, when you must bring breakfast and fresh wash water for his basin. Sometimes, you feel his eyes on you when you’re preoccupied with adding wood to and stoking the fire, but you try your best to ignore it since you can’t make heads or tails of his behavior.

For the most part, you attempt to finish the majority of your duties once the king has left for the day and not before that point. You hope that in time, the king will forget about what transpired between the two of you, and that everything will revert back to how it was.

—Aegon

Aegon has made a concerted effort to maintain his frosty disposition towards you. It’s a constant battle between his heart, which secretly admires and yearns for you, and his head, which refuses to acknowledge the vulnerability he allowed you to witness. Even still, he can’t help but feel a slight pang of sadness whenever you try to slip in and out of his chambers undetected, nor can he control the surge of resentment when he feels that he might need you in any way.

The king simply doesn’t know what to make of the tangle of emotions that twist inside of him whenever he sees your face. It’s as if the memory of his shortcomings and your comforting embrace is a fresh wound that refuses to heal. He wants to shove you from his mind, but your image is permanently branded on the backs of his eyelids.

Even his nights have become restless, with no amount of drink or pleasure helping to ease his troubled heart. In fact, he’d already tried visiting one of his favorite brothels, dragging along his drunken friends for the chance to brag at how loud he could make the women scream. He was so distracted by thoughts of you that he couldn’t even stay hard and had to call it a night without release, defeated even by the the carefree abandon of a whore’s cunt.

The only thing that helps him drift off to sleep lately is recalling the moment he shared with you, and imagining how it might have gone differently if he had not pulled away from you. His hand enveloping his rigid cock, stroking it eagerly as he envisions what it would be like to reach under your skirts and feel the heat at the apex of your thighs. The resulting climax is strong, but it always leaves him feeling ashamed and guilty afterwards, as though he’s given into an urge worse than the crudest of debaucheries.

It’s becoming more and more obvious, that no matter how much he denies himself, he wants you in an unbearable way. He wants to reach out to you, wants to apologize and thank you for your soothing care. He wants those arms wrapped around him once again, that gentle hand running through his hair. He wants to confess all of his troubles to you. How he is tired of being treated like a child, of being scolded and slapped around by his mother, and never being taken seriously by his own small council. Aegon wants to hear the solutions you might propose to his growing list of problems, instead of relying on the wine that he drinks to excess more often as the days pass, an answer that he knows is mere avoidance.

And so, the king finds himself at a crossroad, facing a decision that can’t simply remain unsettled. He can either choose to embrace his feelings for you and allow himself the chance of experiencing the compassion he so badly craves, or he can continue to repress those feelings and bury them under the weight of his own self loathing and fear.

At the end of another long and monotonous day, he finds himself sitting at the end of his table in the very same chair where he had shared a moment of weakness with you. He sighs as he pours himself another cup of wine, the burgundy liquid not doing much to take the edge off tonight.

He shivers slightly as gooseflesh erupts over his pale skin. Glancing out the window, he can see that the skies are grayer than usual and that autumn is settling in over King’s Landing. Aegon begins to worry as he considers the already dwindling food supply and the civil war that is ravaging what little they have left. His grand-sire and mother both seem to be ignoring the constant plight of the commonfolk, but he’s spent enough time amongst them to know that revolt might loom on the horizon.

The large wooden doors to his chamber suddenly open and his attention is drawn from the window, snapped to the form now entering the room. It is you, his chambermaid, carrying a bundle of blankets. You stop dead in your tracks as you notice him sitting in the dwindling light of the gloaming hour.

“Sorry to disturb, Your Grace,” you offer sheepishly. “I didn’t know you had already retired for the day.”

Aegon turns his chair outwards, sitting sideways as he leans an elbow against the table and lifts his cup to his lips, taking a sip of his favorite sweet Arbor red. He doesn’t acknowledge your apology, and instead regards you with a steadfast gaze as he tries to hide his conflicting feelings.

“What is it?” he asks, his tone tinged with disinterest.

“It’s supposed to be chilly tonight,” you answer with a soft voice. “I wanted to bring you some extra blankets and build the fire up so that you are comfortable.”

“Hm,” he grunts, taking another swig of his wine. He doesn’t respond more than that and simply watches as you begin to lay two massive quilts upon his bed, then approach the fireplace to add more wood and stoke the flames. Even now you were doing your best to take good care of him, doting on him as though he were your very own husband.

He can’t help but discreetly study the shape of your body as you kneel before the mantle, appreciating the way the firelight projects shadows over your kneeling figure. The flickering orange light bounces off your face and he can’t help but notice the softness of your features, the curve of your cheek and lips. As you rise back to your feet and turn to face him, he’s finally made his decision.

Perhaps it is time to lay these fears to rest.

He sighs softly, his shoulders slumping somewhat with the release of breath, as he gestures to the chair across from him.

“Sit,” his word is quiet, almost a whisper.

You look at him perplexed as though you did not hear him properly, an apprehension soon settling in as you hesitate to respond.

There is an air of determination in his eyes as he nods once more, encouraging you to sit. His voice now holds a trace of insistence as he shifts in his seat, sitting upright as he repeats himself. “I said sit.” Aegon points at the empty chair once more, his gesture sharper this time.

You oblige him swiftly at that, taking a seat in the ornately carved high-back chair, your legs are pressed together and your hands fidget awkwardly on your lap. Aegon reaches forward and grabs an empty chalice from the silver tray before him, pouring you a glass of wine.

“Here,” he says, his voice strangely calm in your presence now that he has finally given in to his wishes. He hands you the cup across the table, his fingers brushing against yours for just the briefest of moments. He relishes in the heat of your touch, no matter how fleeting, and offers a clumsy smile. “Have a drink with me.”

You take the chalice reluctantly, the anxiety of such taboo evident in your expression. Aegon knew it was unheard of for the staff to share a drink with members of the royal family, but it was also not typical for the king to be denied anything he desired either.

“T-thank you, Your Grace,” you offer appreciatively.

Aegon settles back into his chair, his posture becoming more relaxed as he spreads his legs. He takes comfort in the fact that no matter how much he has tried to avoid you, that you still humbly show him gratitude. That small act of polite civility has him convinced that what he is attempting will not end in rejection.

He raises his cup and toasts to you, a courtesy which seems so simple and yet holds so much significance when coming from a king. “To your service.” His eyes gleam in the fading light of day, bright with unspoken promise.

“I don’t even know what to say, Your Grace,” you squeak out in embarrassment, your face impossibly red as you direct your gaze away from him.

He can feel his confidence returning as he sees the flush of color bloom on your cheeks. It’s a sign that his attention is not entirely unwelcome, and that thought alone is enough to make his heart beat steadily in his chest.

Aegon leans forward, trying to capture your attention once more, his eyes pleading for you to look at him again. After so much time evading this very situation, he now feels hungry for it.

“You don’t have to say anything at all,” he reassures you, his tone softened but with a hint of authority as he motions for you to drink your wine.

Without wavering, you grasp the heavy brass chalice in your hands and with courage etched in your features, take a long draught of the Arbor red.

As you drink, Aegon raises an eyebrow in mild surprse, watching as you take a rather ambitious swig of strongwine. He finds he’s actually impressed with your ability, and his expression soon transforms into a smirk of amusement.

He takes a sip from his own chalice before setting it back down on the table. “You drink deeper than many of my knights, I can tell you that,” he jests with a good-humored ease, testing the boundaries of this fledgling dynamic.

Your cheeks blush once more although this time it is likely due to the wine as well as your timidity. “This is much better than the swill the staff typically has access to,” you offer almost apologetically, as though it were not proper for you to imbibe in your spare time.

The admission has the corners of his mouth curling into a grin once more, and a breathy laugh escapes his lips. It’s clear now that the two of you are finally making progress, the barrier of propriety quickly falling away as it typically did with drink.

“So you mean to say you enjoy good wine, yes?” he teases lightly, tapping his fingertips against the edge of his cup, his gaze focused on you, eager to see your reaction.

“I am enjoying it, yes,” you say with bright eyes, your guilt beginning to fade away with each sip of sweet wine you take.

Aegon can sense the increased ease in your demeanor, and is delighted by the sight of it. He knows that the alcohol has broken through the tension that’s been building between the two of you for days now and he plans to take full advantage of it, feeling even bolder in his pursuit of you.

“Good,” he replies gladly, feeling content with the newfound freedom he’s allowed himself. “Then have some more,” Aegon adds, his tone light and playful as he pushes the decanter of wine closer to you, encouraging you to fill your own cup. He can feel a pleasant buzzing in his head from the strongwine, and can tell that you aren’t far behind him.

“Is Your Grace trying to get me drunk?” you ask, a surprising riposte that he didn’t expect from you.

The question has Aegon laughing aloud, the sound hearty and full of mirth. He leans closer, sliding his elbow further along the table as he offers you a grin. That little spark of humor you show only heightens his own sense of urgency to be in your arms once more.

The king rests his chin on his fist, and raises a brow at you with a mischievous grin. “And what if I was?” he replies playfully.

“Then I’d have to ask to what aim?” you say holding onto your cup, your finger tracing the circular rim of it.

Aegon’s gaze is drawn to your fingers, following the movement as his pulse quickens. He can hear your question, but it fails to register fully as he’s momentarily lost in a daydream of those same fingers running across his skin. His mouth goes dry and his skin feels hot. He finds he must take another large draught of wine to calm the sudden surge of longing that courses through him.

“Well,” he says, his tone feigning seriousness. “Perhaps I intend to get you drunk so I might take advantage of you.”

Aegon is surprised when you chuckle in response to his daring assertion, having expected more of a demure reaction instead. “You would not have to ply me with wine for that,” you admit, lowering your head slightly as though realizing how direct your words had been a little too late.

His eyes go temporarily wide as he registers your brazen honesty, wondering if he’d even heard you correctly. “Do you jest with your king, girl?” he asks incredulously.

“No,” she offers adamantly, with all the defiance of a loyal hound. “I’m afraid I’d be quite willing.”

“Is that so?” Aegon says more for his own confirmation than to communicate it, his eyebrow raising with dubious intent.

His stiffening cock was becoming uncomfortable in his taut breeches and he couldn’t help but consider the irony that such an innocent encounter had taken on an incredibly sexual nature. The comfort you had offered him becoming like an intoxicating fuel to his loins, making you far more attractive than any other woman could ever possibly be in his eyes.

“And what would you be willing to do in order to satisfy your king?” he prods further, feeling confident that he has the upper hand now. His desire to claim everything you have to offer now undeniable.

“I-I,” you begin to stutter nervously, clearly not expecting such a blunt response from him. “What is it you wish of me?”

Aegon let’s out a sharp huff of delight at the question you pose. To his great joy it seems you truly don’t realize the effect you have over him right now. He stands from his chair, sending it backwards with the backs of his thighs. His legs then carry him around the corner of the table until he’s towering above you, looking down upon your trembling form with a burning hunger.

“The real question is.. What don’t I desire of you?” he poses the question with a lurid tone as he thumbs the neckline of your bodice. “I believe you’ll find me quite insatiable in my needs.”

You’re frozen in his sights, appraising him with frightened doe-eyes, but there is no mistaking the undercurrent of lust also hidden right below the surface. Likely, the only true trepidation you have is the thought of performing such acts out of wedlock, but it seems obvious to Aegon at least, that you should have no concerns when offering your virtue up to a king. And given the poorly state of mind he’s been in as of late and desperate weakness he has for you, it’s possible you might even be assisting in the betterment of the realms.

“You’re speechless,” he hums softly, running the back of his knuckles over your bare collarbone. “Don’t worry, I will do the talking,” he says with a smirk, delighted to hear that he sounds every bit the authoritative ruler he should. “Take my hands,” he commands softly, reaching down as he grasps you and encourages you to rise from your chair.

When you obligingly follow his orders and rise before him, Aegon then guides you, leading you towards the bed. He stops once the backs of your knees hit the wooden frame, which is now padded by many layers of newly laid quilts, and turns you away from him. His hands carefully unfasten your apron, tossing it over the footboard before he starts to work at untying the laces of your dress. He loosens them swiftly until your bodice hangs slack.

He’s very well practiced in the art of removing a woman’s clothing, whether they be a whore, a noblewoman, or even a servant as is your case. Still, he holds a certain fondness for you, a consideration that he does not offer readily to most of his conquests. You have given him something so valuable, a treasure that no other has even thought to bestow upon him, and he means to reward you well for it.

Aegon finally removes your dress, pulling it over your head and placing it on top of the apron. All that remains now is a long sleeved undershirt, a slightly more drab version of the sort all women wore under their dresses. He’d like to rip it from your body, but you’ve stirred up such tenderness within his empty heart that he is loathe to treat you in such a way.

Instead, he turns you to face him once more and takes a step back to regard you. “You truly are beautiful,” he states with a sort of quiet awe. He had never really noticed you before and he most definitely should have. What with your cornsilk blond hair and bright blue eyes. Was he really so oblivious to the people and the world around him that he couldn’t even notice such a stunning, caring maiden working directly under his nose? Had he always been avoiding any state of mental clarity and missed so much in the process of hiding from himself?

You look at him nervously, your body antsy as you shift uneasily, precariously balanced on the edge of the mattress.

“Sit,” he tells you in a hushed tone, not quite wanting to sound as bossy as he does, but trying to relieve you of your discomfort. He takes another step back once you have complied, his gaze now roaming your body, taking in the sight of you, or at least what he can see in that loose potato sack of a frock you’re wearing. Aegon can definitely make out some of your feminine curves though, the slope of your shoulder incredibly pleasing as is the way your breasts protrude noticeably through the fabric, and so too do your wide hips.

He smiles warmly at you, his eyes taking their time to appreciate the woman before him. He can’t help but ponder in this moment, how he’s never felt this way before, a lust that isn’t just physical in nature, but somehow more genuine. Aegon is no stranger to carnal pleasures and strongly desires to claim you in every way possible. But there is something more present in his heart as well, the wish to hold you close and protect you from the entire world, and to in turn be sheltered by you from the chaos of the Iron Throne.

Aegon decides then that he wants your first time together to be gentle, just as it was when you first came together. He closes the distance between the two of you and reaches out with both hands, grabbing softly on either side of your shoulders. Your soft, supple flesh gives pleasingly beneath his fingers as he guides you to lay down on top of the blankets. As you scoot backwards across the width of the bed, he can’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction that you were finally in his bed and no longer a fantasy inside his mind.

Once you’ve nestled into the plushness beneath you, he steps back again, his fingers making quick work of removing his woolen doublet. A flush of excitement blooms across his alabaster skin as he makes a show of the action, enjoying the way you watch him with such focused anticipation. He casts the garment to the floor, now removing his boots as swiftly as he can.

With his breeches already half undone and his chest exposed beneath a simple linen shirt, he is gifted with the sight of you lying in his bed in wait. The image is far more pleasant, far more intimate, than any other woman he has ever taken to bed. Your warmth radiates outward like a blazing fire and by now he is desperate to feel your heat directly. He practically rips his undershirt off, flinging it sideways across the covers.

Aegon makes his way back to you, lifting one knee up onto the mattress and crawling over the entire length of your body until he is face to face with you. His hand cradles your jaw tenderly, caressing up and down until his fingers slip up into your long, flowing tresses.

His intense, violet eyes fix upon yours, looking for any hesitation, but he sees none. It was as though you had been given to him as a gift from the gods, you who always gave and never took from him. There is a vulnerability in his expression that is rarely visible, replacing his usual display of smugness.

He maneuvers his breeches down without much effort, kicking them off once they’re low enough. Now fully settled into the valley of your spread legs, Aegon then grips the hem of your shift, lifting it up your thighs until he feels your body tense. He glances up at you and sees a pang of worry present that is perfectly normal, especially for a maiden.

The king asks the question he’s sure he already knows the answer to. “Have you done this before?”

You shake your head no as a blush of pink covers your cheeks and you bite your lip with pent up longing. Even with your inexperience and worry, he can tell how eager you are regardless. Much like he had been warring with his own thoughts about pursuing more with his chambermaid, you seem torn between your fears and your desires as well.

Aegon smiles sincerely, brushing his thumb gently along your lower lip, before leaning down to give you a chaste kiss. It was a bit of a selfish wish of his that you were untainted by any other man, and a part of him was happy to hear that you were indeed a virgin. It made him revel in delight; knowing you were his alone, that he’d be your first and your last if he had any say in it.

“Relax,” he whispered parting from your lips. “I’ll go slowly.” Aegon gazes at you again, wondering if this is perhaps too much for you, too soon. “That is if you still wish to.”

A look of panic crosses your face, as though you’re worried he might stop. “N-No! I still want to!” you affirm urgently. Your hands wrap around his back, pulling him closer to you, seemingly unwilling to let him go.

The king can barely contain his elation as he presses his forehead to yours, chuckling slightly at your eagerness. His hand slips beneath your undershirt and he slowly strokes the soft skin of your stomach, his fingers grazing over the warm plains of your flesh. Aegon’s breath hitches as he travels higher up your abdomen, finding the pliant curve of your breast.

You moan softly beneath his greedy touch, your body writhing with fervor, and your hips rising impatiently to meet him. Any question he had that you might not be fully keen about this joining was now all but diffused by your enthusiasm.

“You make such pretty sounds,” he teases playfully, feeling a sense of satisfaction at how responsive you are to his touch. He gives your breast a firm squeeze, then teases over the sensitive areola before cupping the whole mound again. His cock throbs painfully against the mattress, still bound by his smallclothes and yearning to sink into your heat.

His pulse pounds with expectation, finally feeling a sense of relief from the pent up desire he’s held for you all of this time. Aegon removes his hand from under your shift, propping himself up on the bed as he reaches down to unlace his braie. His hand brushes against your core in the process and he shivers at the feel of how wet you already are for him.

With his stiff length finally freed, he ventures a finger along your folds, growling at the silky slickness of your center. “Gods,” he utters with a groan. His cock twitches with need as he tests the tightness of your cunny, eyes rolling back in ecstasy as he imagines thrusting into you with his thick member instead of his digit.

“Are you ready for me, girl?” he asks eagerly, the question a soft inquiry as well as a warning of the impending pain his intrusion is likely to cause. At this point, he feels more like a lovesick boy than the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, his suspense heavy as he drapes your leg around his his hip, opening you more to him. He positions his head at your entrance and presses himself closer to you.

You nod, never taking your eyes off of him as you wrap your hands around his back. Aegon rests his weight on his elbows, covering you completely as he kisses you with tenderness. He tries to express everything he feels for you with actions instead of words, his lips hungrily devouring yours with passion. Without breaking the kiss, he begins to ease into you slowly, immediately feeling the resistance of your still in tact virtue.

His arms slide down, gripping your hips on each side tightly as his chest presses into yours. You let out a whimper into his mouth as he breaches your depths, your thighs clenching against his body at the sharp pain of his invasion. It doesn’t take long for you to relax again, your walls suddenly more welcoming as the sting subsides.

Aegon parts from your lips, pulling back slightly so he can look down at you. A smirk forms on his face as he sees your lurid expression and he begins to move, his hips rolling against yours in a slow, sensual rhythm. His hands slide down to your thighs, spreading them further apart as he thrusts himself deeper inside you. He groans with overwhelming pleasure at the feel of you, his head falling forward as he picks up the pace.

He kisses you again, forcing his tongue into your mouth as he continues to move inside of you. His tongue dances with yours as he begins to lose control, his hips snapping against you with intensity. Aegon can feel his release approaching quickly, unable to hold back for much longer, he tries to hasten you along to satisfaction. His hand slides up your shift once more, squeezing your breast and tweaking your delicate nipple until it pebbles between his fingers.

You squirm under him, incapable of holding still as he drives into you with increased enthusiasm. The king grinds his hips into you relentlessly, grimacing at the way your walls tighten around his cock like a vice. Aegon’s grip on your tit becomes harder, flipping between gripping and tweaking your sensitive nipple. His lips withdraw abruptly, his mouth searching out your other breast and nipping it through your undershirt.

He grins against the cloth as you cry out loudly, your body rigid as your climax rolls over you and soon he can feel it wash over his length as well. But, he can’t take it anymore, not how tight you are or how creamy your release feels on his tender cockhead. It’s all too much and within a moment he is gripping hard to your flesh and burying himself deep within you, his spend erupting in spurts from his pulsing member.

“Fuuuccck,” he growls out, his hands finding their way beneath your back and pulling you towards him securely, trying to get even closer if that was at all possible.

You pant below him, trying to catch your breath as little spasms continue to twitch throughout your back and your thighs tremble against his hips. A warm, blissful calm settles over him as he nestles his face into the crook of your neck and inhales deeply of your scent. He feels pleasantly dizzy, his heartbeat finally slowing as the haze of lust subsides.

Aegon sighs into your ear, the tone content and relaxed. “That was incredible,” he murmured softly, his voice low as he gently runs his hand along the side of your cheek.

“It was,” is all you can manage to say, your breath still a bit ragged as you try to come down from the high.

Your hand finds its way into his white hair again, brushing up against the nape of his neck and causing him to shiver. He’s once again reminded of the shared encounter that started all of this and he’s overcome with a fondness that makes his chest ache.

Aegon feels closer to you in every possible way now and isn’t keen on the idea of parting from you, but he can feel his cock softening and the mess beginning to pool on the sheets. So he slowly pulls out of you, collapsing onto the bed at your side. He grabs one of his stray garments without looking, probably his smallclothes or maybe his shirt, and cleans up his seed from you first and then himself.

He adjusts towards the head of the bed, resting on his side against the pillows and reaching out for you to join him as he scuttles under the covers. “Come here,” he says softly, pained by the loss of her warmth.

As you get up and crawl towards him, he scoops you up into his arms. Aegon holds you close, his chin resting against the top of your head as he wraps the quilts around your form and presses himself tighter against your back. The king can no longer deny the depth and the power of his feelings for you as you cuddle in his arms. There’s a sense of deep security and comfort welling up within him, but any words seem inadequate in this moment.

Aegon kisses your temple, the doting gesture unlike anything he’s bestowed upon a lover before. “I think I’m going to sleep quite well tonight,” he muses into your hair, still cradling you in his arms.

“Are you sure it’s alright for me to stay with you? In your chambers?” you ask quietly with seemingly no clue how ridiculous he thinks you sound for asking such a thing.

His mouth twitches into a small smile and he lifts his chin to press another kiss into your hair.

“Of course. I’m the king. I can do whatever I want,” he quips playfully, his voice sounding drowsy and relaxed as he settles into the plushness of the bed. “Now, come. Get your rest. You’re going to need it.” There is a gentle warning present in his tone that you do not seem to catch, that he intends to have more of you in the morning.

You nod, twisting your back towards the mattress until you’re facing him. The expression you give him is enough to make his heart melt, those big, blue eyes like deep pools filled with bottomless love and devotion. You wrap your hand behind his neck and pull him close for a kiss, a request he’s more than happy to oblige.

Your mouth is sweet and hot against his and he can’t help but to lick the line of your lower lip before parting from you. Aegon settles you back into place, his chest enveloping your smaller frame as he holds you possessively. He feels such solace in the close proximity of your body, his limbs toasty warm as he falls into a deep state of relaxation. He’s not even aware of when the moment he falls asleep, it happens so quickly.

—Aegon

When the first light of day streams through the window, Aegon finds his eyes drifting open and then closing again, not sure of what time it is, but too comfortable to want to move. His back feels incredibly warm with the slight dampness of sweat and he opens his lids once more to see your arm wrapped over his chest. He can feel your hot breath at his neck now that he’s paying attention fully and your leg slotted between his.

Aegon’s lips curl into a satisfied smile, basking in the near domestic feel of waking up like this with someone he actually cares for. He takes your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours as he rests his own arm on top of yours.

He tries to settle into his pillow once more, nuzzling his backside into you further and bending his knees more deeply. The peace is short lived though as the doors to his chamber fling open and he hears the startled gasp of a woman. It couldn’t be just any woman, like perhaps another maid come to clean his room in place of the one that never showed up for work. No, it had to be his mother, of all the people he did not wish to see this morning.

The king whips his head over his shoulder and squints in the direction of the door. His mother stands there with a hand over her mouth, frozen in horrified disbelief as though she’d just seen a ghost. Aegon grits his teeth, sitting up with a jolt, forced to realize just how compromising this situation must look with the way he was tangled in bed naked with you.

“No, no, no, no, no, Aegon!!” she practically screams at him and the sound jars you from your slumber. He wishes you could have stayed asleep, to have escaped the madness of his family for just a little longer.

Alicent picks up her skirts so she can walk swiftly around the bed and to his side, standing there with a judgmental sneer. “This is just like Diana, isn’t it!?” she cries hysterically. “Isn’t it!?” his mother prods him further.

Aegon looks back, catching your shifting uneasiness from his peripheral vision, then turns to his mother again, suddenly feeling very protective of you. You are innocent in all of this and should be afforded the ability to wake up from your first time making love in some semblance of calm, not to one of his mother’s outbursts. And of course the first thought she would have of him was that he had raped yet another servant girl. His mother was blissfully ignorant of everything he had done as a young man, except for the acts she felt the need to berate him for, even though she had never been around to offer any kind of proper guidance.

He lets out a groan of exasperation, running his fingers through his mussed hair and tries to think of an answer that might satisfy his fuming mother, but he knows this is a lost cause.

“No,” he denies, shaking his head as he avoids eye contact with her. There is no conviction in his tone, but it’s not like she would ever believe a thing he said on the matter.

“So it was consensual then?” the Dowager Queen asks glaring past Aegon and looking straight at you.

He glances to his side and sees you nod, but interrupts before you can say anything more. “You do not have to explain yourself to her,” he says in a much softer voice, trying to shield you from his mother.

“So, she’s just another one of your tramps then!” Alicent hisses with disgust. “Is it so hard for you to keep your hands off the staff? Can’t be bothered to go into the city anymore, you need to make sure you find your pleasure within the walls of the Red Keep?” Her words are vitriolic and hateful without any attempt to understand the situation.

“I should have gotten rid of your father’s little bastard when I had the chance. I should have known better that she would be too pretty for you to resist, but I was assured that the girl’s skills were tantamount to any risk,” she continued on her tirade, barking out every spiteful dagger she could think of.

“What of your wife!? How can you carry on like this!? Oblivious to the people you hurt!?” the Queen Dowager prattled on, not waiting for an answer, but seemingly wanting to preach her conclusions endlessly.

“You know Helaena’s fallen deep into sadness ever since Jaehaerys died. Ever since you forced her to endure that disgusting funeral procession through the streets of the city.. And it’s not like we ever had a deep connection even before that, Mother.” Aegon’s voice was bitter, resentful. He was sick and tired of this farce of familial love when she barely ever showed him any hint of it.

He’s incredibly shocked when he hears you speak up, your voice quiet, but accusing, even defensive, “You’re one to talk, Queen Dowager. You hurt Aegon more than any other.”

“How dare you! You insolent wretch!” his mother didn’t hesitate to bite back, her acrimony potent in the air. “You can consider your employ here ended. Gather your belongings and leave!” she looked at you impatiently, as though expecting you to stand immediately and go. “Now!” she snarled, her nose crinkled with anger.

“No,” the king interceded on your behalf, stilling you with his hand on your hip. “You will not go anywhere.”

“She absolutely will go! This is not acceptable behavior for any chambermaid in the employ of the royal family!” Alicent was insistent, with no sign of backing down, but Aegon had enough of this contest of wills.

“Mother!” he bellowed at her furiously, finally snapping back at her with conviction. “I am the king and you will obey me!”

That finally got her attention, for the first time in his entire life he saw a flash of fear in his mother’s eyes and it only emboldened him to continue.

“You will not do a thing to this girl. She is under my protection,” he added, his ruling absolute. “And if I find that you have touched her, hurt her in any way, then I will have you hung. Just like the rat catchers.”

Aegon’s lips curl upwards in smug satisfaction, finally realizing a fraction of the true power he held as sovereign of the realms. His mother did not respond, regarding him with silent malice, her glare ever testing the limits to see if he truly meant it. When she saw that he did, his mother backed down, her shoulder slumping slightly as she relented, but not before getting one last dig in.

“Very well, My King,” she mocked with false sincerity, giving him a sarcastic curtsy. “I will leave you to your dalliances. I should know better than to interrupt a man having his fun.” She left in a flurry of resentment, slamming the door behind her with a loud thud.

No matter how furious he was with his mother, she still remained his parent, the woman who gave him life, whom he loved and had once revered above all else. Even this victory he had over her felt hollow, and he realized that even when he won, he still lost in one way or another.

He turned to you, his expression a mix of concern and tenderness. Aegon stroked gently at the side of your cheek, wanting to make you feel safe again after you’d been forced to tolerate the full brunt of his mother’s wrath. He found you to be more resilient than he’d ever expected, already sitting up and staring at him with a knowing look upon your face.

“I’m so sorry,” you say softly and almost instantly he feels something within his chest fracture.

It might have been the facade he always wore cracking, how he always projected an image of indifferent merriment so none would know how truly miserable he was. It might even have been the very fact that you had suffered insults by associating with him and yet you were still concerned about his well being.

Aegon can feel tears welling in his eyes and when you spread your arms out towards him, he doesn’t hesitate to crash into you. He buries his face in your comforting bosom and finally allows himself to fall apart in your embrace without shame. It’s probably the safest and most accepted he’s ever felt in his entire life and he knows now that he won’t ever be able to exist without you.

As you rake your fingers through his silvery locks, his tears dwindle until he is left relaxed, sated by your validation that his life is not as easy as everyone might think it is. He listens to your heartbeat as his fingers dig firmly into your back, making sure you can never leave his side. It’s a mercy, that you don’t seem to mind how clingy and needy he is. If anything, you seem born to mend his wounds, a soothing balm to his troubled soul.

You lean back against the pillows and soon Aegon finds himself drifting asleep against you. As his aching eyes begin to close, he can’t help but hope that he never disappoints you. He’s so convinced that he is a failure from the constant disparagements he’s endured throughout his life, that he can’t even fully enjoy you without worrying that he isn’t worthy of you - that you might leave him.

As if reading his mind, your hand massages gently along his scalp, cradling his head closer to your breast. “Don’t worry,” you say reassuringly. “It’s going to be alright. I promise.”

Aegon didn’t know how you could possibly promise him such a thing, but somehow hearing you say it aloud makes him actually want to believe it.

Read Chapter 2

And will you be bold Will you lose control? I could never desert you I could never let go If you fall in line And the zenith calls I'm standing waiting The last to fall

~Starset - Last to Fall

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zegrasdrysdale · 8 months ago

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[ it’s a love story ] t. zegras

pairing : Trevor Zegras x fem!reader

summary : Trevor goes with his girlfriend to Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour when it comes to LA, and he has a surprise in his pocket when “Love Story” is played

warning(s) : none

author’s note : i keep seeing tiktoks of proposals during love story and i couldn’t not write a lil fic featuring the nhl’s resident swiftie so enjoy this probably cliche filled story that i couldn’t resist writing anymore

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This show has been something she and Trevor have been looking forward to since they both sat on their respective Ticketmaster accounts for almost 24 hours in November. She basically went through war for the general admission tickets she somehow managed to get. It was worth the wait and the hundreds of dollars she spent.

She went all out for her outfit. A short pink dress that is covered in glitter with matching heels pairs well with the pink makeup look that she decided on while she was doing her makeup. Her hair is curled with pink gems scattered throughout her locks. Trevor wasn’t sure how he felt about it but the look as grown on him in the hour or so since he first saw it.

The two of them get to SoFi Stadium at two in the afternoon with multiple water bottles in hand since it’s early August in Los Angeles. She wasn’t going to get there super early but didn’t want to get there super late either.

Of course, she made a bunch of bracelets so she trades with people while waiting in line to get in. The VIPs go in early then they go in about an hour later. She runs as fast as she can to find a good spot on the floor. Trevor is right behind her.

They end up near at the point of the diamond part of the stage but about fifteen rows of people back. It’s still a good spot despite getting to the arena at two instead of six in the morning. She’s very happy with where they end up.

Trevor stands behind her with his arms wrapped around her shoulders while they wait for the show to start. Gayle opens for Taylor Swift and the set lasts about 45 minutes or so. She vibes with the music, but gets so excited when it’s between sets.

Her boyfriend kisses the top of her head and asks close to her ear, “Are you excited? Nervous? Both?”

“So so excited,” she tells him as she looks up at him. Despite the heels, she still has a disadvantage when it comes to height. Trevor is six foot, but she’s five-foot-six with two inch heels on. “Thank you for coming with me. It means a lot to me.”

Trevor smiles and says, “Wouldn’t want to be here with anyone else.” She raises her eyebrows because she knows a handful of people that he would want to come to the Eras Tour with. “Okay, you and Jamie are the only people I’d want to be here with. And maybe Cole but I’m here with you and I’m happy to be here with you.”

She spins in his arms and wraps her arms around his torso. He’s wearing a button up but only half the buttons are actually buttoned. She gets makeup on the exposed part of his chest and feels his cool chain against her cheek until she pulls back.

The clock pops up on the screen and everyone, including her, loses their minds. Trevor lets her go so she can freely dance and sing as the Lover era begins. She gets very into “The Man” since it’s her favorite off of the Lover album.

As soon as the Fearless era begins, she pulls out her phone so she can make sure to get Trevor singing “You Belong With Me” when she plays it after “Fearless”. He tries to block the camera when she puts it on him but she does end up getting Trevor singing the song. She makes a mental note to send it to Jamie and Cole after the show.

“Love Story” plays next and she records Taylor singing it while Trevor drapes his arms around her waist. She sings along to the song.

The song slows for the bridge and she sways in Trevor’s arms. He presses a kiss to her temple as the bridge transitions to the chorus for the last time. She feels him let her go as Taylor sings “Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think”.

Only the crowd around her begins to scream and turn their recording phones toward her as “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring, and said” is sung. She turns around to find Trevor Zegras on one knee with a box in his hand.

In the box is a diamond ring.

Her hands fly to her mouth as Trevor sings along with Taylor on stage. She immediately begins to nod her head yes to accept the proposal as tears that she didn’t know were in her eyes roll down her cheeks.

Trevor stands up and takes the ring out of the box. He slides it into her left ring finger before she flings her arms around Trevor’s neck. He leans down and presses a deep but quick kiss to her lips. She cups his jaw as she kisses him back.

“I can’t believe you proposed to me during ‘Love Story’,” she comments without pulling back too far. “God, you’re such a romantic.”

He smiles. “You know you were thinking about it when we got tickets,” he replies. “I went out and got the ring the week after you secured the tickets. If I was ever going to propose to you, it was going to be at the Eras Tour.”

She leans up to press one more peck to his lips before she looks at the ring on her hand. It’s simple but it has enough sparkle to it. She never wanted a large diamond on her ring whenever she got engaged and Trevor knew it.

The rest of the show feels like an intense fever dream. It is probably the best day of her life. Well, it’s probably tied with Trevor getting drafted in 2019 but still. It’s one of the most important days of her life.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

yourusername

liked by jamie.drysdale, trevorzegras and 76,892 others

yourusername baby i said ‘yes’ 💍🤍

view all 1,989 comments

colecaufield THIS IS WHY I DIDNT GET INVITED ISNT IT

fan1 lmaooo cole

jamie.drysdale jesus cole

yourusername sorry coley

fan2 TREVOR IS ENGAGED ??? HOLY FUCK

fan3 he’s all grown up 😩

jackhughes the FUCK ???

yourusername hi jack

jamie.drysdale my favorite people. congratulations !! (it’s abt time @ trevor)

yourusername love you jimmy 🫶🏼

trevorzegras thanks for keeping my secret bud

trevorzegras you’re my entire heart. forever 🤍

yourusername and ever 🤍

_quinnhughes congrats !!

anaheimducks Congratulations to the future Mr. and Mrs. Zegras !! 🧡

fan4 mrs. zegras is insane

fan5 alexa play that should be me by justin beiber

fan6 LMAOO 💀💀

༺═──────────────═༻

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amyoffline · 2 months ago

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In Defense of the Phandom (Mostly): Dan, Phil, and Our Parasocial Social Club

Refer to my previous pinned post for an explanation of and outline for this project. Now that I'm done going through my old reblogs (god, it took forever), it's time to actually research and write this script! This will be my pinned post for the foreseeable future, so you can come back to it by clicking on my blog for the current status of this part of the process. (Note from February 15 - everything is on hold for now while I wrap up my dissertation!)

Script word count: 2,350 | Last updated: January 9, 2025

Research

Peer-reviewed or published literature: ⚫︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ Social media, forum archives, and fanwork: ⚫︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ The great rewatch: ⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ Discussions with other phannies (hey! that could be you, if you want!): ⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎

Writing

Introduction, background, and conclusion sections: ⚫︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ 2009-2013: ⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ 2014-2018: ⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ 2019-2025: ⚫︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ Long tangents (fandom, RPF, and PSIs/PSRs): ⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎ Editing: ⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎⚪︎

More details below the cut!

Research → peer reviewed or published literature:

I read a few things (like Haidt's The Anxious Generation) while I was in the process of searching academic databases, but most of the 403 works I have saved to Zotero for this are currently unread. They're not all the same length or will take the same amount of time to read, so the completion proportion is just getting updated based on vibes. I'm absolutely not referencing all 403 of these things in the script - I just cast a wide net for materials I thought might be relevant. Furthermore, there are some things I didn't save that I know I'll be referencing, like some of the Pew Research Center's work in the early to mid 2010s on teenagers and technology, or the journalistic coverage of what got my school district in huge trouble in 2011.

Research → Social media and forum archives:

The collection of posts, art, and fic (other than mine) to reference in the video. For regular posts and art, especially by people who have long since abandoned their accounts or whose content went pretty viral, I feel comfortable just showing things in the video with credit as examples. For fic, I intend to just discuss trends more broadly and vaguely since, as a fic writer myself, I know we tend to get more flack and less acclaim for our work and therefore prefer to stay out of the spotlight. Let me know if you think I should handle this differently - the academic impulse is to credit sources and reproducible searches for every single thing you do, but that's definitely not best practice for phandom history since we have so much "forbidden" lore. I'll also be reading the IDB forum front-to-back, listening to things like the phandom podcast, reading the current generation of phanzines, and looking at recent (and historical, if anyone has any) surveys done of phannies within the community. I'm assuming those folks would appreciate credit and/or a shoutout.

Research → The great rewatch:

Rewatching everything DNP-related so I can talk about it from more recent memory (and read what's left of the original comments for DNP videos that are still up at their original locations). I know there's a playlist for this but I also know it's incomplete, so I have been doing some poking around myself and will probably continue to.

Research → Discussions with other phannies:

Writing → Introduction, background, and conclusion sections

See old pinned post for the outline. Will expand details here once research is mostly done (I plan to read and watch everything in the research section aside from talking to other phannies, then complete the script's rough draft, then talk to others on call, then integrate that with and finalize the script).

Writing → 2009-2013

See above.

Writing → 2014-2018

See above.

Writing → 2019-2025

See above.

Writing → Long tangents (fandom, RPF, and PSRs/PSIs)

See above. These tangents are kind of mini video essays in and olf themselves, so I may write them while I'm reading through my saved stuff in Zotero and before I rewatch all the DNP videos.

#dan and phil #phan #dnp #daniel howell #amazingphil #amy writes #i feel weird putting this in the main tags but given it's been TWO WEEKS WITHOUT A PHUPLOAD no one's gonna mind #as indicated - this is now pinned on this sideblog! more minor status updates will just be tagged “amy writes” so follow if you want those

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blueskrugs · 1 year ago

Text

Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under | Nico Hischier

no thoughts, just vibes and fuck boy nico I'm considering this my honorary entry into demi @wyattjohnston's winter fic exchange because I didn't trust myself to finish an actual entry in time but managed anyway (technically, this took me 10 months to finish) enjoy! length: 5.6k words

It’s dark in the club where Nico Hischier presses himself along Hailey’s back for the first time. She lets it happen, barely one drink in and looking for a good time. It’s dark, lit up by the glow of neon, when the man leans close and asks if he can buy Hailey a drink, hands on her hips as they continue to dance. She doesn’t realize who he is then, but he’s a decent dancer. It doesn’t seem important at the moment.

It’s dark as they stumble outside a few drinks and a few kisses later, a car already called and waiting for them at the curb. Hailey doesn’t remember when she caught his name, in between kisses pressed to her bare shoulders, her neck, but she knows he’s Nico now, soft-spoken with an accent Hailey can’t place.

“I don’t usually do this,” Hailey admits as she slides into the backseat. Nico doesn’t say anything as he slides in next to her, but he keeps his hand on Hailey’s thigh the whole drive back to his place.

It’s dark in Nico’s apartment, too, only a few lights left on before he went out for the night. It doesn’t matter much, anyway. They don’t stop in the kitchen, or the living room. It’s only the middle of October, and there are no outer layers to shed as they stumble down the hallway, though Hailey shivers every time Nico’s hands brush her bare skin.

“I didn’t catch your name earlier,” he says, breaking the kiss.

“Hailey,” she gasps. She shivers again as his stubble scratches against her skin.

“Hailey, I like that,” he says. Hailey refrains from rolling her eyes. Barely. Her name does sound nice in his accent, she admits to herself.

Neither of them are drunk, not really, but the room seems blurry around the edges as Nico presses her into his sheets.

An alarm is blaring, too loud, too early. Hailey groans and shoves her face into her pillow before reaching to slap at her phone to snooze that awful alarm. Her phone isn’t on the nightstand beside her where it should be, and Hailey starts to sit up, confused. It’s not until she hears someone swear softly, in a language she doesn’t recognize, that she remembers she’s not in her own bed. She bolts upright.

Nico’s sitting up beside her, shirtless and his hair a disaster. Hailey doesn’t fully remember how she ended up sleeping in one of Nico’s T-shirts, but she’s thankful for it now, though she still pulls the sheet up across her chest as she sits up next to Nico. For his part, he looks apologetic for the rude awakening.

Nico swears again. “I’m sorry, I forgot I have—work this morning.”

“What kind of job do you have that makes you work at—” Hailey squints at the digital clock on Nico’s side of the bed. “9 on a Saturday morning?”

Nico doesn’t answer, but he shoots Hailey a rueful smile as he rolls out of bed.

Hailey vaguely remembers being offered a washcloth to wipe off her makeup and generally clean up with, but she still feels crusty. Her eyes itch from sleeping with her contacts in. She heaves a sigh and throws back the sheets to get out of bed. She finds her clothes strewn about the room and reluctantly pulls them back on. Her phone landed somewhere on the floor, too, and she picks it up. Almost dead.

Hailey manages to call an Uber and scrape her hair into a ponytail before Nico re-emerges from his bathroom. She’s already lingered too long. This isn’t the type of hookup where they sit and have coffee over breakfast. Hailey shouldn’t have even stayed the night.

“I should—” Hailey starts, as Nico says, “I can walk you out.” “Oh, uh, sure,” she says.

Now that she thinks about it, she doesn’t quite remember all the steps and turns they took last night to get to Nico’s apartment. So she follows Nico back through his apartment, out the front door, down the hallway to the elevators. They stand in awkward silence.

“My Uber should be here soon,” Hailey offers. She shifts nervously.

“Good, that’s great,” Nico says.

The elevator dings, and the doors slide open. There’s already someone on, a boy probably around their age. Hailey starts to step forward, but Nico grabs her by the elbow.

“We can wait for the next one,” he says firmly. Hailey looks back at the boy on the elevator as the doors begin to shut. He raises his eyebrows at them, and Hailey thinks she hears him laugh as the elevator starts to descend again. Nico jams the down button again.

“Did you know him?” Hailey asks.

“He’s, uh, a friend.” Nico says. Hailey raises an eyebrow at him. “You don’t need to meet him, I promise.”

Hailey isn’t about to argue. This walk of shame is already bad enough.

Nico walks Hailey all the way out the front door of his apartment building. Hailey’s Uber is idling at the curb, and they go their separate ways. Hailey doesn’t look back as she slides into the backseat of her car; she’s not expecting to ever see Nico again.

There’s a phone charger plugged in the backseat of the car, and Hailey plugs her phone in gratefully. She swipes through her missed notifications quickly until one catches her eye from ESPN: Nico Hischier scores goal, assist in Devils win.

Oh, fuck.

Hailey puts it out of her mind. Or tries to, at least. She doesn’t actually follow the Devils that closely—she only has the ESPN app on her phone at all to keep up in conversation with the boys in her family about the Giants. Besides, she doesn’t exactly frequent any of the bars in Jersey. She should forget about Nico—his accent when he whispered her name, the way his bracelets brushed her skin when he touched her. He’d probably forgotten about her, by now, anyway.

It’s a few months before Hailey runs into Nico again, at another bar. He spots her first, at a table with her friends. Hailey doesn’t notice him at first, not until one of her friends nudges her with her beer bottle.

“Who’s the guy over there that can’t stop staring at you?” Beth asks.

Hailey follows her gaze across the bar, to a rowdy group of guys she’d been trying to ignore all night. She doesn’t spot who Beth is asking about at first, but then she catches the eye of one of them. She wishes she could hide, but she knows Nico’s already seen her. Has been watching her.

“Shit,” Hailey says. “I hooked up with him once, like in October.”

It’s December now. There was another time, a few weeks after that first hookup—and only hookup, if Hailey has anything to say about it—that she’d run into Nico again in another dark bar, where he’d bought her another few drinks. They didn’t even make it out of the bar that time, though; Nico had dragged Hailey into a corner and pinned her against the wall, behind an empty booth to make out.

Nico had torn away from the kiss to press a line of kisses down Hailey’s neck. His stubble burned Hailey’s skin as he went.

“Hannah,” Nico had murmured, so quiet Hailey wasn’t even sure she’d heard him at first, but then he said it again. “Hannah, you wanna get out of here?” Hailey had shoved at Nico’s shoulders so hard he’d stumbled backwards, looking confused. There had been a moment before Nico’s face had cleared in realization. “Shit, Hailey, I—”

“Get your own fucking ride home,” she had spit, storming through the crowded bar and out the front door without looking back.

She’s been trying to forget that night since then. She wonders if Nico’s forgotten it, too.

Hailey knows Nico spent a lot of the time in between October and now out with an injury. She refuses to examine exactly why she knows that as someone who “really doesn’t watch hockey” too closely right now.

Several of her friends raise their eyebrows at her.

“What, he was hot, sue me,” Hailey says. It doesn’t quell the looks she’s getting. She drains the last of her drink. She glances back at Nico. He’s gotten roped back into whatever conversation is happening with his friends—his teammates, probably, Hailey realizes belatedly—so it might be safe to venture over to the bar and get another.

Hailey is leaning on the bar, waiting for the bartender, when she feels someone come up behind her. The bartender looks their way.

“Her next one is on me,” a familiar voice says. Hailey glances over her shoulder for the first time. Nico is there, close enough that Hailey can feel his body heat. "Hailey," he says. He leans even closer. “Haven’t seen you around.”

Hailey ignores him for a moment to turn back to the bartender with her order. Tries to collect herself.

“Didn’t realize you were looking,” she says.

Nico grins at her, a little crookedly. “I’ve been—”

“Busy,” Hailey finishes. With hockey, with other girls, she doesn’t add. She thinks Nico gets it anyway.

The bartender slides Hailey her drink. She turns around, but Nico doesn’t step back.

“Listen,” Nico starts. Hailey looks over his shoulder, towards the group of guys he was with before. A few of them are already looking in their direction. Hailey meets Nico’s eyes again. “How about—” Hailey cuts him off. “No, you listen,” she says. “I’m here with my friends, you’re out with yours. I’m not looking for anything tonight, Nico, and I don’t think you should be abandoning your friends to leave with me.”

“Eh, they’d be fine without me,” Nico defends mildly, but he takes a step back, unpinning Hailey from the bar. “Next time?” he asks.

Hailey hopes there isn’t another next time. “Don’t get your hopes up,” she says. She doesn’t wait to hear if he answers, just brushes past him on her way back to her friends.

Hailey’s friends don’t try to hide the fact that they’d been watching the whole exchange. Hailey slides back into her seat next to Beth.

“We can never come back to this bar,” she says.

The next time Hailey runs into Nico Hischier isn’t at a bar at all.

Hailey’s walking out to her car after a rec league softball game when she hears someone call her name—an accent she wishes wasn’t so familiar echoing across the half-empty parking lot. Hailey turns towards the voice—Nico’s voice—as she tugs the elastic out of the end of her braid, shaking out her sweaty hair. Nico’s jogging across the parking lot towards Hailey.

“Hailey, hey,” he says as he gets closer.

“Are you stalking me now, Hischier?” Hailey asks.

“You played well out there tonight,” Nico says earnestly, completely ignoring Hailey’s question.

Hailey shrugs. It’s a competitive league, but at the end of the day it’s still a recreational league for a bunch of washed up college athletes. Hits and stolen bases don’t really matter anymore.

“How’d you know I would be here?” Hailey asks.

“Uh, I didn’t,” Nico says quickly. “Your organization, they partner with Eric LeGrand for charity stuff, and the Devils worked with LeGrand a few seasons back, and I stopped in for coffee today after practice, and he mentioned something about the rec sports—” Nico’s rambling, and Hailey realizes he’s nervous. Nico continues. “I was bored and had the night off when I looked it up I saw a game tonight and—”

Hailey takes pity on him and cuts him off. “And then you got here and saw me playing.”

“Yeah,” Nico says lamely. He seems to recover from his awkwardness and grins at Hailey, flashing his dimples. “Are you doing anything else tonight?” he asks.

Hailey regards her own dirty pants, her janky Crocs. She probably smeared her eye black with sweat, too. Not exactly the picture of beauty. “Do those dimples usually work for you?” she asks instead of voicing any of those thoughts.

Nico takes a step closer to Hailey. The strap of her gear bag is digging into her shoulder, and she steps back under the guise of shifting it to her other shoulder.

“I seem to remember them working on you before,” Nico says.

They’re working on Hailey this time, too, but she’s not willing to admit that right now. “I’ve got work in the morning, and I’m sure you do, too.”

Nico shrugs. Doesn’t say anything else, just looks at Hailey with his eyebrows raised.

Hailey gives in. “Fine.” She tries to ignore Nico’s triumphant smile. “But we’re going to mine.”

It’s Nico’s turn for the walk of shame this time. If he’s even capable of being shamed, that is.

Nico looks like he might argue, but he says, “Okay. But you’re going to have to give me your address first. Y’know, so I don’t get lost.” He holds out his hand expectantly, waiting for Hailey to give him her phone. There was a reason they never exchanged phone numbers the first time they hooked up. There was also a reason why there was never supposed to be a second hook-up. Hailey disregards both of those reasons as she unlocks her phone and passes it to Nico.

Somehow, Nico beats Hailey back to her apartment complex. He’s leaning against the driver’s door of his car, face lit up by the glow of his phone screen, but he locks it and shoves it in his pocket when she pulls into the spot next to him and climbs out of her car.

“Here, let me,” Nico says, trying to reach for Hailey’s softball bag.

Hailey shoots him a look and shifts her bag to her other shoulder, away from Nico. “I think I can handle it, thanks.”

Nico huffs but follows Hailey the rest of the way up to her unit in silence.

Hailey’s apartment isn’t as swanky as Nico’s—or as clean, Hailey thinks absently, as she dumps her bag—but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Do you need a Gatorade or something?” Nico asks.

He looks out of place in Hailey’s little apartment, with her hand-me-down couch and Facebook Marketplace kitchen table. Hailey can’t help but laugh.

“Are you this nice to all of your hook-ups?” she asks.

Nico shrugs, looking a little put out. “I mean, I guess?”

Hailey laughs a little again. “It’s cute, you’re cute.”

Nico scoffs. “Cute?” He takes a step closer to Hailey, close enough to slide his hands around her hips. “Just cute?”

Hailey pretends to think about it, but Nico is kissing her before she can respond.

Hailey knows that something has shifted before Nico rolls off of her, before she slips out of bed to take a shower. Nico’s still wrapped up in her sheets when she emerges thirty minutes later, shirtless and scrolling through his phone again. Hailey pauses at the end of her bed.

“Don’t you have to be up early in the morning?” she asks. Hailey has work, too, but she expected Nico to ditch her while she was in the shower. Instead, he stretches lazily, dropping his phone to his chest. “Mmm, probably,” he says. He shows no signs of getting up any time soon. Hailey gives up and slides back into bed beside him.

“Probably?” Hailey echoes.

She resists the urge to poke at his ribs, exposed with one of his arms carelessly stretched over his head, or to trace his collarbone until she reaches the crucifix on his chain, tug on it until he comes over and kisses her again. There’s a tattoo on his arm, bold, black looping lines that cover most of the inside of his left bicep. Hailey gives in and reaches out to trace them with her fingertip. Nico twitches but doesn’t pull his arm away.

Nico goes on. “We have film review in the morning, but skate’s optional.” He trails off.

“Which means…?” Hailey prods.

Nico does roll over, then, bracing himself on his hands above Hailey. She tilts her chin to meet Nico's eyes. He smirks at her.

“It means I don’t have to be ready to go work out, and I’ll still have time for a nap before our game tomorrow night. I don’t have to rush out of here.”

Hailey fumbles for her phone in the sheets and glances at the time. It’s creeping towards midnight. She stalls, scrolling around until she finds her morning alarm for work. The one where she can be a little lazy with her morning routine and still make it out the door on time. She tosses her phone aside.

Nico’s watching her carefully, brown eyes somewhere between serious and teasing.

“Well, some of us have to work normal jobs in the morning.”

“What, it’s not like you need any beauty sleep,” Nico says. He leans in for a kiss, and Hailey tilts her chin up again to let him. The kiss nearly gets away from her before she remembers she’s supposed to be awake again in six hours. She pulls away, albeit reluctantly.

“I don’t think I have any NHL approved breakfast foods in my fridge for you,” Hailey says carefully. An offer to stay and an excuse for Nico to leave all in one. “Just a bunch of frozen waffles and frozen breakfast sandwiches.”

Nico shrugs. “There’s always breakfast at the rink.”

Hailey scoffs. “Must be such a difficult life, being a professional athlete.”

Nico doesn’t retort, though he does roll his eyes and kiss Hailey quiet. She grabs at his bicep, presses her thumb into the tattoo there. Hailey turns her head.

“What is this?” she asks. Her finger follows one of the lines again.

“A tattoo,” Nico says. He brushes his hand over Hailey’s ribs, her hip, where she has tattoos of her own. She shivers. “I know you’ve seen them before.” At Hailey’s flat look, he smiles. “They’re the zodiac signs of me and my family,” he says.

“That’s really sweet,” Hailey tells him. It's surprising, somehow, but Hailey guesses she hardly knows Nico at all.

Nico grins at her again, flashing those damn dimples. Hailey has to kiss him about it, feeling desperate with it, like she might never get to do it again. Nico gentles her, a hand on Hailey's jaw. They kiss, slow and lazy, until Hailey yawns into Nico’s mouth. He pulls away with a chuckle.

“I should let you get some sleep,” he says. He rolls off Hailey again. He picks up his phone and checks the time, grimaces. “Do you know how far you live from Prudential Center, by any chance?”

Hailey doesn’t think she’s ever seen the Devils play in person. “Grew up a Rangers fan,” she murmurs, already halfway to sleep.

Nico slides out of bed, starts searching for his clothes. Hailey thinks she dreams him brushing a kiss across her forehead as he slips out of her room.

It’s a few weeks later, and Hailey and Nico are walking out of his apartment on a rainy Saturday morning. The elevator dings just as Nico swears and pats down his pockets.

“I forgot my phone,” he says. He glances at the elevator. “I’ll, uh, meet you downstairs,” he tells Hailey. He looks back at the elevator, and says, to the guy holding the door for Hailey and looking amused, “Play nice.” Nico retreats back down the hall, and Hailey steps onto the elevator, bemused.

The guy in the elevator speaks up first. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Hisch repeat before.”

Hailey feels her cheeks burn. Nico had texted last night, early enough that Hailey wasn’t in bed, late enough that she was under no illusions about his intentions. And yet, she dragged herself off of her couch and into slightly-more-respectable pants, all the way to Nico’s apartment in Jersey City.

Hailey realizes something. “You were the one we saw on the elevator that one time.”

The boy grins at her and sticks out a hand. “Jack,” he says. “I mean it, though,” he continues, “must be pretty special to get Hisch to come back for seconds.”

They’ve reached the ground floor, and the elevator doors slide open. “Thirds,” she says without thinking. Four times, actually, if you count that time Hailey rejected Nico in the bar. Five times, if you count the one where Nico called Hailey the wrong name.

Jack whistles. “Our boy must be down bad.” Hailey laughs. “It’s definitely not like that—” She’s interrupted by—saved by? —Nico appearing out of the emergency stairwell nearby. She shuts her mouth and hopes her face isn’t still too red.

Nico looks between Jack and Hailey suspiciously. “What’d you say to her?” he asks Jack.

Jack laughs awkwardly. “Nothing, nothing, Nico, c’mon.”

Nico continues to regard them warily. “Jack—” Nico starts, but he, too, is interrupted by a fourth person joining their little conversational triangle.

“You two are going to make us late, and Lindy’ll—oh.” The new boy stops when he notices Hailey standing between Jack and Nico. The look on his face turns sly. “Sorry, Hisch, didn’t realize you were doing something.” Jack makes a noise of protest. “Hey, how do you know she didn’t sleep with me?” he asks. “Dude, I live with you, of course I know you didn’t bring a girl home—” They walk away, still arguing.

Hailey blinks after them, confused.

“That was Luke, Jack’s little brother,” Nico supplies, watching them head towards the front door of their building. “I’m sorry on their behalf.” Nico checks the time on his phone and grimaces. “Luke was right, though, we really are going to be late.” They start walking towards the front door, where Luke and Jack are impatiently waiting. Nico presses a quick kiss to Hailey’s cheek as they part ways.

Jack’s words from the elevator rattle around Hailey’s head as she walks to her car, as she drives home. Our boy must be down bad. Is that what this had become? Hailey didn’t know the last time she’d had a hookup stick around and make her breakfast in the morning—even if he had somehow managed to burn the toast—let alone keep coming back for more. When Hailey parks in front of her building, she has a Venmo notification—from Nico: for coffee x. There’s a coffee emoji, too, because Nico’s a dork like that. Hailey smiles down at her phone; they’d been lazy about getting out of bed, until Nico was rushing out the door, and they had to leave their coffees to go cold, mostly untouched.

Hailey’s cheek burns again with the phantom sensation of Nico’s lips, the ghost of his kiss goodbye.

It’s a few days before Hailey sees Nico again. On another night off for the Devils, Nico appears at Hailey’s door with a heads-up “On my way. :)” text and takeout. He kisses Hailey hello, a chaste peck as he steps through her doorway.

“What’s all this for?” Hailey asks, watching as Nico dumps several bags of food on her little kitchen table. She trails after him, curious. “Smells good,” she adds.

Nico grins at her as he starts unpacking the bags. “Wanted to see you,” he says, like it’s simple, like hanging out is just a thing that they do. He goes on, “I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I got a little of everything.”

Everything indeed, Hailey thinks, surveying her table—it looks like Italian, sandwiches and salads and pastas and what could be arancini. She picks up one of the discarded bags and reads the restaurant’s name.

“Hey, I’ve been wanting to try this place.” It’s just a few blocks away from her apartment. “Always felt too pathetic to order takeout for one,” she says.

Nico chuckles. “Well, I guess I helped you out then.” He grins up at Hailey, who’s still standing beside the table. “C’mon, sit, we’ve got a lot to eat.”

Hailey sits obediently, across from Nico. Nico had managed to find Hailey’s plates, as well, and Hailey begins to fill hers with a little of everything.

“How much of all of this,” Hailey gestures broadly at her overflowing table, “is on an NHL player’s diet plan?” she asks.

Nico looks sheepishly down at his own full plate. “Not much,” he admits.

Hailey suddenly remembers something she’d seen on Twitter a few days before. She nudges Nico with her foot under the table; he immediately traps her ankle between both of his.

“Happy belated birthday, by the way,” she tells him. A look that Hailey can’t read crosses Nico’s face, but it’s gone just as soon as it appeared. “Had a pretty good game the night before, too, I hear.”

“You watched our game?”

Hailey finds herself blushing. “Saw some of it,” she says. She had thought about texting Nico, both about his three point night and his birthday, but she had chickened out. Thought it might be too earnest for a semi-regular hookup.

“I thought you were a Rangers fan,” Nico teases.

Hailey kicks him with her other foot.

Nico keeps their dinner conversation steered carefully clear of hockey talk after that. They slowly work their way through some of the piles of food Nico brought over. Hailey thinks she’s going to be eating leftovers all week, regardless.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Nico asks suddenly during a lull in their conversation.

Hailey swallows her bite of pasta uncertainly. “Uh, sure?”

“Why softball?” “What do you mean, ‘why softball?’” Hailey echoes. She goes on before letting Nico clarify. “I’ve been playing softball forever. I used to toddle around at my older brothers’ tee ball games, trying to take a swing at every baseball I could find.” Nico laughs a little at that. “I ended up playing all the way through college. A lot of my friends were pretty beaten up or burnt out by the time we graduated, but I never really lost the love I had for the game, y’know?”

Nico nods but doesn’t interrupt.

“I mean, we never, like, won the College World Series or anything, but I liked going out there and playing all the time. When I left college ball behind and started my big girl job, I guess I was feeling kinda lost. Someone told me that New Jersey Play Sports had a competitive division for washed up athletes, it gave me a team again, a reason to get out of my apartment and get active.” She pauses, assesses Nico. He’s watching her intently. “Plus, some of the former college baseball players are kinda hot.” Nico flushes bright red, and Hailey smirks at him. She had actually slept with one of them once, but that had been long before Nico. Nico clears his throat.

“I get that—the, the team part, I mean. I think I’d be pretty lost without hockey.” Nico takes a pensive drink of his wine. “And I don’t think you’re washed up, you looked pretty good when I saw you play.”

“Are you sure you weren’t just looking at my ass in my softball pants?” she teases.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Nico says, holding his hands up in defense. “Maybe a little,” he admits.

Hailey heaves a sigh. They’ve barely made a dent in all of their food, but she doesn’t think she can eat another bite. “I think it’s time to clean up all this fuckin’ food,” she says, pushing her chair back and standing.

Nico stands, too. “Here, let me help.” He reaches for Hailey’s plate, but she holds it out of his reach.

“No way, buddy. You brought the food, I clean, that’s how this works.” Nico makes a face at Hailey, but he hands his plate over. Hailey makes a shooing motion with her hand. “Go find us something to watch on Netflix, or something.”

Nico trails after Hailey as she steps over to her sink. “Oh, are you trying to Netflix and chill me now?” Nico asks, voice low.

Nico places his hands on Hailey’s hips and crowds close behind her, pinning her to the counter. Hailey tries not to shiver. He presses a kiss to her cheek, then her neck, then to her shoulder. He keeps his face there, buried in her neck.

“I think we’re way past that, Hisch,” she tells him. Her voice comes out mostly normal. Nico releases Hailey, but not without one last kiss on the cheek.

With the food all stashed in the fridge and dishes done, Hailey wanders back into her little living room to see what Nico’s found to watch. He looks ridiculous lounging on her shitty hand-me-down couch, one of his socked feet hanging over the arm of the couch. He looks away from the TV to smile at Hailey as she walks over.

She can’t resist bending down to give him a quick kiss.

“Bathroom break,” she tells him, tossing her phone down on the cushion next to him. “Be right back.”

While Hailey is in the bathroom, her phone vibrates. Nico digs it out from where it had slid underneath his thigh, intending to set it on the coffee table instead. It vibrates again, then once more, before Nico has the chance to set it back down. Nico glances at the screen. Three new text messages, all from someone named Connor. Hailey has her message previews off, so Nico stares at the three little iMessage notifications until her screen goes dark.

Hailey reemerges from her bathroom.

“Nico?” she says softly. “Is that my phone?” Nico doesn’t release his white-knuckled grip on her phone. Hailey steps into his line of sight, crouches down in front of him when he doesn’t move. “Nics? Did something happen?” she asks.

Nico manages to say, “You got a few texts.”

Hailey eyes her phone. Nico still hasn’t set it down. “Okay?”

“Why don’t you have your message previews on?”

She’d had to turn them off when Nico had tried—quite badly—to sext her one night while he was bored on the road in December. She doesn’t say that, though.

“Because apparently the guy I’m fucking is nosy as hell.” Nico inhales quickly through his nose. Hailey pries her phone out of Nico’s grip, barely glancing at it before setting it aside. She’s feeling defensive now, though she still doesn’t understand why Nico suddenly got so upset.

“I didn’t realize you were sleeping with someone else,” Nico says stiffly.

Hailey blinks up at him. “What?” she asks. Then says, “I’m not, what the hell?”

Nico crosses his arms, frowning. “Who’s Connor, then?” His eyebrows, always so expressive, are drawn together. Hailey resists the urge to poke them.

Hailey crosses her arms, too, mirroring Nico instead. “What makes you think that’s any of your business?” Nico opens his mouth to argue, but Hailey barrels on. “And what makes you think you can judge me if I were sleeping around, anyway? Jack told me how you’re always bringing home different girls, never sleeping with the same one twice. Or how I literally saw you leave the bar with another girl the night I turned you down in October?”

Nico, somehow, frowns harder. He’d been trying to fend off Jack and Luke’s teasing for weeks; he’d lost count of the number of times he’d told them this thing with Hailey was just casual, just another hook-up, even though the rest of his regular picking up and hooking up had fallen by the wayside. Hailey watches him in silence as he struggles to organize his thoughts and respond.

“I— I haven’t slept with anyone else in—” He breathes out a harsh breath. “A month? Two?” The days all blur together during hockey season. They’d started to turn into: day off, game day, or a day he could see Hailey again.

Hailey’s face softens. “And Connor’s my brother, you dumbass.” Nico gapes at Hailey. She shrugs and pushes to her feet. Nico grabs at her wrist and tugs until she topples onto the couch, half on top of him. “Think you’ve got a little jealousy problem there, Cap,” she teases.

She likes the way Nico blushes and tries to hide his face in her neck, even though he scoffs.

“I’m not— I wasn’t jealous, I was just—” He trails off.

Hailey rests her head on Nico’s shoulder. “It’s okay, you can say it.”

Nico pinches at the skin above her hip, but he goes quiet for a moment. “I think—” He tries to collect his thoughts. “I think I was worried I’m more invested in this than you.”

Hailey cranes her neck to look into Nico’s face. He’s resolutely looking at a spot over her shoulder, towards the neglected Netflix screen. She pokes him in the cheek, right where one of his dimples is. He blinks and looks down at her.

“And what is ‘this,’ exactly, Nico?” she asks.

“I really like you,” Nico says. He doesn’t look away from Hailey this time.

She thinks about Jack Hughes telling her Nico was “down bad” in the elevator, Hailey grins at him. “I know,” she says.

“What?” Nico asks. He looks a little alarmed. “What do you mean, you know?”

“Jack told me,” Hailey says. “Something about never coming back for seconds?”

Nico swears. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Hey, Hisch?” She waits until Nico meets her eyes again. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, because I really like you, too.”

Nico, somehow, looks surprised. “Really?” he asks.

Hailey pulls him in for a kiss, slow and sweet. “Yes, really, Nico. You are definitely the only guy I’ve hooked up with in—longer than I’d care to admit, actually.”

Nico chuckles and pulls Hailey in for another kiss. They never do end up watching what Nico had picked out on Netflix.

#cait writes things #nico hischier imagine #nico hischier fic #new jersey devils fic #new jersey devils imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #hockey fic #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction

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intrepidacious · 7 months ago

Text

this writing blog of mine is turning three next week and on the same day, i'm officially entering my charlotte lucas era. i frankly don't think there's ever been more cause for celebration so join me on this perfectly themed and not at all last minute sleepover 💛

whether you're new to my blog or we've been mutuals forever, all are welcome!! i'll be answering your asks starting on my actual birthday (and blog birthday) wednesday 7th august until sunday 11th august!!

details and no pressure tags below the cut <3

THE DISNEY YEARS

🧜🏼‍♀️ we're out to discover! ask me my top 5 anything, would you rathers, or fmk

🌴 ohana means family i'll cast my mutuals in categories of your choosing

🦆 fate/destiny/a horse mutuals only category <3 let me shower you with love and praises, friends!!

IT'S A MUSICAL

🥖 do you hear the people sing i'll put my playlist on shuffle and tell you what song it lands on

🪞 kitsch send me a character and some vibes and i'll create a moodboard

🖋️ hard to be the bard ask about my wips, my posted fics, or come whine with me about writing in general

HEROES AND VILLAINS

🧸 on your left send me a character and a prompt and i'll write you a seven sentence drabble - or i'll write a what if scenario for any of my posted fics!

🦾 i understood that reference … and so will you!! let me recommend something to you

🍩 close the book with a flourish naaah just kidding, this is the headcanon category!! let's make up fun things together <3

WITCHERS AND PIRATES

🏴‍☠️ a story is (un)true let's play two truths and a lie!! either you send some in or you'll have to guess mine

🫙 guess what's inside it! send me a word and i'll see if it's in one of my wips <3

🎻 toss a coin to your blogger give an anonymous (or not) shout-out to another tumblr person and i'll give them some love!!

💜 what my heart just yearns to say come chat with me about anything and everything!!

thank you all for being here and i'm looking forward to celebrating with you!!!

@brandycranby @scrumptious-delusion @aphrogeneias @barnesafterglow @marvelettesassemblenow

@persephoneceleste @gxrlcinema @sanguineterrain @fandoms-writings @krirebr

@demxters @youremyfriend-youremymission @nickfowlerrr @sweetdreamsbuck @wildlivelychild

@obsidianvibranium @targaryenvampireslayer @thornsnvultures @levans44 @idkitsem

#sleepover time #intrepidacious #thank you to the six people in the poll who unanimously voted yes on the sleepover!!

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thebiscuitlabryinth · 16 days ago

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How do you understand the character's personalities so well?

Writing has always been difficult for me, especially characterization. Even if I look up people's character analysis I can't seem to make sense of it either. They end up being OOC when I try or it just sounds weird :,)

Maybe I'm just dumb but I really want to learn from you, I love how good you can grasp the characters' personality.

ooo now this is a difficult question to answer because. if i'm being fully honest, i'm not sure how I understand them so well either? actually, i'm never fully confident with my interpretation of characters when i first start writing them. that builds up once i get reassurance from either other people or. canon, i guess, in shadowvanilla's case lol

I do put a lot of effort in characterization, though. that's one of the most important things about writing for me, especially fanfics. in a way, all of my fics are, to some degree, character analysis. For me, that requires a lot of very close studying of canon. I'll reread everything at least a couple of times - in shadowvanilla and smilk's case, back last year, I went a bit extreme and ran through all their scenes with at least four different dubs and their dialogues (because i was and still am insane. i did this with the recent updates too) to get an overall gist. then i consolidated the consistent themes and vibes and behold! my understanding of the characters and their dynamic.

i also think that it can be helpful to read other people's character analysis, but it can also sometimes backfire and end up muddying your own understanding if you're not already confident in it. always focus on your own interpretation of canon first. once you feel like you generally understand a character, seeing other people's interpretations can help build on top of that!

also, like i said, sometimes your characterization is actually perfectly fine, and you're just too stuck in your head to realise it. unfortunately, writing is a detail-oriented business, and that leads to problems with perfectionism

#i hope this helps!! i fear this may be the best i can offer </3 #the biscuit mailbox

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ssa-atlas-alvez · 7 months ago

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Hii, I love your writing and how you portray the characters. You can just ignore this if you want(i alr tried this once, so pls just ignore this if it's annoying😭)

But I was wondering if you could write a Male reader who works in the BAU and has a motorcycle he's obsessed with, or something like that?

(Thank you sm if you do actually write this🙏)

Also, can I be 🎸 -anon?(if it's available?)

Don't worry it didn't annoy me whatsoever, I've just got quite a few asks at the minute (70) so I don't always see things straight away! 🎸is still available (it's on the anon list but that's from your previous ask - also generally speaking if I ever miss out an anon please let me know).

I don't know how this fic came about it just did... lol

Also I'm combing this with your previous ask too since it's the same vibe :) Hope you enjoy!

(Previous ask: Hey, I love your fics so much, and you can ignore my ask if you want. But I was just wondering if you could do a Male reader with a motorcycle? Like, reader takes really good care of his motorcycle, or nobody knows that reader owns a motorcycle? It just seems really cool and it's been in the back of my mind, and you write really well.)

Warnings: pregnant jj because I've realised I've never mentioned her pregnant before, childbirth, labour (not onscreen)

Your car had broken down. Usually, you’ve drive to work, bright and breezy and be sat at your desk at 7am, cup of coffee in hand, exchanging longing glances to your girlfriend (JJ), and listening to Reid’s latest fact. Today, however, not so much.

You got into your car and turned the key. It came to slowly, groaning as it did. You didn’t even make it out of your driveway before the engine cut. You groaned, grabbing your bag and going back inside the house. You put on the necessary gear, helmet included, and grabbed your bag once more.

Throwing the bag in your under seat storage, you hopped on, engine quickly roaring to life before you were racing down the road.

Strangely enough, everyone was running late. And so, as you pulled up to work, the team were all catching up outside and about to walk in.

JJ sighed, seeing the bike pull in. She always worried about you when you rode. She placed a hand on her upper stomach, the action soothing. The last thing she needed was the father of her child getting into a motorcycle accident on his way to work.

Morgan gave a low whistle, seeing the motorbike. A full black Triumph Bonneville T100, a classic, a beauty.

“Holy shit,” Morgan grinned, “You ride this thing?”

“No, I actually walked to work next to it the entire journey.” You rolled your eyes with a smile.

“No need to be snarky,” He snorted.

“Sorry, no coffee this morning,” You replied, JJ nodded in understanding, hand placed on the bump on her stomach.

“Babe, you told me you wouldn’t ride to work- ah!” JJ cut herself off with a short inhale.

“JJ?” You asked softly. “You good?”

“I think my water just broke.” JJ said said, taking another breath.

“Oh, okay, that’s fine- wait, what?” You asked, face paling. “But you’re not due for another two weeks-”

“Does this look like the face of someone who doesn’t know that?” She snapped.

You looked around helplessly for a second. “You know what would get you to the hospital fast-?” You said, motioning to your motorcycle.

“I’m not getting on that death trap, go get my car.”

You give a small nod, “Yes Ma’am.”

Morgan gave a laugh, “Day trip to the hospital, I guess.”

“Aunty Penny is ready!” Garcia exclaimed holding up two bags.

“What- where did you even get that?”

“I knew you would have an absolutely flap over this, so I decided to be prepared.” She grinned. “Now go get the car.”

“Right, right. Car.” You nodded. “Keys. Keys?”

“Keys.” Garcia said, handing them over. With that you ran off to get JJ’s car.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #derek morgan #spencer reid #david rossi #emily prentiss #x male reader #male reader #bau x male reader #jj x male reader #jj x reader #x reader #reader

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lambergeier · 2 months ago

Text

2024 book post

this was simply not much of a reading year! middling start, uneven from month to month, slight revival during mine and emma's scotland trip in august, and then a HARD stop after which i gave up even trying and comics took over in full. the comics will be a separate post lol. recs in bold! except if they're from my vonnegut streak at the start of the year, in which case it would be ridiculous to attempt to recommend or not-recommend individual vonnegut books. it's vonnegut. you know what's up.

JANUARY

Sirens of Titan - Vonnegut (i loved pieces of this book in high school and didn't understand the rest of it and picked it up again to see if maybe a second attempt would assist. really funny bc as it turns out the pieces i didn't understand were like 80% of the book. catie age 15 knew this book was good but didn't know ANYTHING else that was going on. really good and funny and sad--shocking, it's vonnegut. inspired me to start reading the rest of his stuff in publication order)

The Book of all Books - Roberto Calasso (book length of cultural criticism on the subject of the bible, almost wholly the old testament, by a man I had not previously heard of but was apparently a monumental figure in european literary criticism prior to his recent death. as a cultural christian who was raised with truly 0 contact with christian faith at any point, this was a fascinating way to learn about some of the actual events of the old testament--as described by an incredibly impassioned old italian man, and with a whole chapter dedicated, suddenly, to freud. i skipped the freud chapter, but the rest of the book was intensely interesting and, huge credit to both calasso and his translator, beautiful. check that opening paragraph. also made for some engrossing conversations with my beautiful jewish wife who did have some religious education growing up and was extremely helpful in laying out what was more mainstream thought on david and solomon and what was mr. calasso getting On some Shit.)

Player Piano - Vonnegut (vonnegut's first book. good, even great at times, but lightly overwritten by normal standards and incredibly overwritten by what would become his own standards. the leap from this to sirens, his second book, is astonishing. NEVER stop writing, at ANY time you could go from writing perfectly interesting spec fic to producing some of the greatest american fiction of the century. also very interesting to read as a book about automation now, in the time of Newer automation. i think possibly nothing ever changes!)

Mother Night - Vonnegut (i really should have taken more notes at the time lmao. emma says i thought this one fucked. that feels correct. discussion of ww2 and the holocaust and the consequences of both are so eminently more valuable when written by people who lived through them, shocker. and, again, when those people were some of the most observant writers of their generation lmao. the israeli contempt for holocaust survivors that became obvious to me, christian american lady, only within the last year or two, is front in center in the mother night frame story. kinda want to read this again right now. what can individual guilt and responsibility even mean in the fact of all that death?)

Cat's Cradle - Vonnegut (REALLY should have taken more notes!! emma says i didn't vibe with this one. i believe her, but would love to remember why. i read cat's cradle in high school as well, but apparently it didn't click this time. who knows!!! not me, the dummy who doesn't write things down!!!)

God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater - Vonnegut (this one washed over me a bit. vivid memories of senator rosewater decrying deodorant as a liberal feminine luxury propagated by those fairies on madison ave, which was sooooooooo fucking interesting to me. bro sometimes the past just LEAPS out at you when you least expect it. this was probably also a masterpiece, i should read it again.)

Slaughterhouse-Five - Vonnegut (exactly as good as it always is. i should also read this again. idk i really should have taken more notes because i think i would have had more things to say, but once again all i really remember is the emotion, which is: man! the children's crusade!)

The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity - David Graeber and David Wengrow (OKAY GREAT NOT TALKING ABOUT VONNEGUT ANYMORE SO I CAN GET REAL. I LOOOOOOOOVED THIS BOOK. I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK FOOOOOOOR REAL. this is graeber and wengrow over and over again taking the wildest most cherry-picked possible interpretation of the archaeological evidence and being like okay so this is what this pre-history civilization could have been like. and you're like okay well hold up guys. and then they prove that the traditional, mainstream conception of these civilizations is EQUALLY wild and cherry-picked, so why the fuck shouldn't we consider their thing! if we're doing cherry picking! and it fully just opened my third eye re: other/non-western/non-modern-western modes of society building and i love it. i was already uninterested in books that conceive of Society and Nature as deeply opposed forces that can never mix without one or the other being destroyed, and this book really put the nail in the coffin. there are so many other ways to live. people did them. people still do them. it's time to incorporate SEASONALITY into our PARADIGMS!!! anyways please read this book.)

FEBRUARY

American Midnight - Adam Hochschild (emma talks about this one as well, she recommended it to me, but just a fantastic history of american democracy under wilson/during and after ww1. spoiler: it was weak, threatened, and overall bad. fuck wilson and fuck teddy roosevelt fr! i listened on audiobook, but still what i would call a very readable style by a very smart guy.)

MARCH

We Both Laughed in Pleasure - Lou Sullivan (a birthday gift from @brella that i really loved but that i think was still a bit too repetitive in the middle for me to recommend to all comers lol. the collected and abridged diaries of lou sullivan, a trans man originally from the midwest and living in san francisco in the 80s and early 90s (he was killed by AIDS in '91), who was a trailblazing community organizer mostly, by his own admission, because he was a guy who was willing to organize zines and meetings and etc for other trans men before anyone else thought to. the repetitiveness is the fault of the diaries' curators imho--they focused primarily on pulling the passages that focused on sullivan's trans and gay identity and his experience with his own sexuality which was, don't get me wrong, hugely fascinating, but also this guy had a lot of sex and wrote a LOT about it, so eventually it was like. well i think i've read about this particular sexual partner of yours for a few pages now, maybe we could get something else going on? still really loved it. the opening passages, from when sullivan was like 13, focus on his intense, intensely fannish love for the beatles. the paul mccartney do-be problem: it never goes out of style!!)

APRIL

The Traitor Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - still dickinson, yeah (traitor i read in college, monster i read when it came out, tyrant i BOUGHT when it came out but never read, and so when we went out of town in april for passover i was like fuck it. i'm finally reading tyrant. ALAS: it's not that good. traitor is good on a functional level if not the most compelling: gets through its story with limited uneven-ness, characters are barebones but interesting, story itself is interesting, etc. monster is my favorite: nuts, deeply compelling, but not necessarily good. the plot's a bit of a mess but every character leaps off the page--not just baru, but ever side character introduced as little more than a name in traitor is suddenly vivid, breathing, sexy, homosexual, and deranged. srivakir you will ALWAYS be famous. tyrant, unfortunately, is deranged but so so too long. plot throughline is muddled, action is jumpy and erratic, characters are still great but just can't overcome the lumpen nature of the story. i'll still read the last book, but i'm not surprised tyrant took dickinson so long, nor that the fourth book has been so long in coming. svirakir and your lover and your non-sexual throuple and your child and your lightning madness fr call me when you are free tho.) (WAIT ALSO EVERYONE WHO ACCUSED TRAITOR OF HOMOPHOBIA FOR BEING KILL-YOUR-GAYS WAS FOR SURE A HATER THO. EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT THAT CRITICISM WAS WRONG HAVE BEEN PROVED VALID AS HELL. TOXIC YURI STAY WINNING!!!)

The Spear Cuts Through Water - Simon Jimenez (refreshing in that it believed very badly that prose should be beautiful, but i do not think the prose was actually beautiful. huge huge points for trying. pacing in the first half actively bored me, second half picked up, and the metanarrative twist at the end got me good. i don't recommend it recommend it, but i do recommend it on the basis that jimenez should for sure get credit for trying)

Solitaire - Kelly Erskine (read this bc my wife mentioned it and it was like, really funny. good, but then not good? intensely interesting, but then went somewhere else entirely that was like super normie and boring? sci fi written by queer women who really fully believe in the uplifting power of corporatism and MBTI specifically. three short stories mashed together than only vaguely have any relationship to each other. still had a good time.)

MAY

The Saint of Bright Doors - Vajra Chandrasekera (loved this loved this loved this. there IS good debut genre fiction out there. we just have to believe!!!)

JUNE - nope

JULY

Out for Good: The Struggle to Build a Gay Rights Movement in America - Adam Nagourney and Dudley Clendinen (political history of the american gay rights movement pre-AIDS. had some fascinating insights into the history of lesbian separatism/animosity towards the mainstream gay rights movement (turns out, in the 60s and 70s, between the male-dominated gay rights movement and the mostly-straight feminist movement, one of those things was offering more personhood to lesbians than the other!), and how the gay rights movement failed to respond to AIDS when the first warning signs started to appear. that was crazy. having moved in gay political circles myself, one can really see why everyone did what they did, and it sucks, because it resulted in a lot of death. recommend if political history is an existing area of interest, it wasn't a standout (like last year's Coming Out Under Fire) otherwise.)

Night Theater - Vikram Paralkar (really good, honestly not as depressing as i thought it would be. but only because emma tricked me thinking it would be even worse!)

AUGUST

Meet Me by the Fountain: An Inside History of the Mall - Alexandra Lange (cultural history of american malls. interesting, but towards couldn't decide whether it was history or cultural criticism or architectural criticism or what. happens all the time. made me think more kindly towards malls as community spaces at least, and the short history of pre-mall shopping and the social forces that led to the creation of urban malls/department stores in 1800s france (including, among other things, paved streets!) was really interesting.)

The Future - Naomi Alderman (wanted to be a cure for tech-poisoned futures, but was itself still too tech-poisoned in its understandings of power/individualism. oh well!)

The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Books 1-3 - Jonathan Stroud (posted about these more extensively at the time--adored them in middle school, read them again for the first time as an adult. still so good. of middling quality all the way up until the end, at which point you are struck dead by god. emma can confirm. got struck dead by god on the train between glasgow and edinburgh. i was there.)

Call for the Dead - John Le Carre

Murder of Quality - John Le Carre

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold - John Le Carre (first three books in what was intended to be a much longer le carre read, and which i should really get back to. call for the dead is a debut, murder of quality is a rightly abandoned attempt to go the classic murder-mystery route, and then spy who came from the cold in is, much like described above, a sudden psychic assault by god. brutal fucking spy fiction, and the only kind of spy fiction worth reading, as in so cynical as to be basically suicidal. spies have never solved a problem they didn't create themselves and perpetuate by means of, at minimum, five innocent lives. NEED to read our game. love and kisses to mr le carre!!)

Martyr! - Kaveh Akbar (love is REAL and so is POETRY and is so fucking your GAY ROOMMATE! very very lovely.)

SEPTEMBER - also nope

OCTOBER

Long Live Evil - Sarah Rees Brennan (svsss retelling meets fe3h character dynamics, fumbles the best elements of both, creates a great premise (brennan grappling very publicly with her own near-death to cancer is the best part of the book and makes for a great framework for an isekai protagonist) but the execution can't keep up with the ideas. alas! not the best book to finish out the year on, but what can you do. at least i read something!)

and that's the end of books for the year!!! 29 total (one not listed here), so a low since 2021, when i only started reading again in like august of that year following a cool post-depressive episode no-reading-spell that lasted several times longer than the actual depressive episode did lol. i have not recently been depressed so i think the dry periods this year were simply dry periods. and, especially the comics started happening, it's not like i've been lacking things to spend brain power on. now those things are just american superhero comics! which is a whoopsie! even a whoopsie-doodle! but i've got a tbr pile as tall as my hip so hopefully i circle back to real books at some point next year. and if i don't, i don't!

#book post

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random-blurbs · 17 days ago

Text

A/N: It’s been so long since I invested time in a fic it’s kinda crazy

<<<part two

Your eyes felt heavy, wanting to keep them shut and never open them again. And the warmth that surrounded your body made it worse making you snuggle into it more. But as you laid there you started to recall the last few moments you were standing. Eyes snapping wide open you propped yourself up looking around the room still dazed. It was obvious that it was a guy’s room by the posters, and the general vibe of it.

“Oh you’re awake!” You see a kind looking woman at the doorway holding a fresh new towel, and some patches in her hand. She kinda looks like?

“Are you Mark’s mom?” You asked as she confirmed your question with a nod and a an exchange of names. She stood right next to you picking up the towel you never noticed on your head. “He brought you here since you didn’t want to go to Cecile. Also brought your phone!” She explained passing it you as you remember your desperate plea when you were writhing in bed. “I appreciate it a lot. I’m sorry if it was inconvenience.” You apologize which she shook her head at with a kind smile.

“It’s fine! You’re a friend of Marks, and I just wouldn’t leave you out there in pain.” She explained as a strong feeling entered your body. As you see her put away the towel and dip the new one in a bowl at his nightstand. Her actions feel familiar. Everything about her is familiar. “Have we met before?” She seemed confused by your question as she tried recalling if she ever saw your face.

“I don’t think so, I’m sure I would remember seeing a face like yours.” She chuckled making you give her smile in response as that itching feeling didn’t go away. You must’ve seen her somewhere. Maybe on Mark’s phone. It wasn’t there. Not wanting to give yourself a headache to the point where you can’t function you drop it. You look around the room trying to find the owner of the room which she noticed just as quickly. “He finally went to bed he was so worried about you that he stayed up all night.” She explained, feeling embarrassed she saw right through you just as quickly. “I just wanted to thank him. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I went on that date and knocked out.”

“A date?” She seemed shocked that you were about to go on one with your costume still on. As Mark’s recounting of the events that led up to you in pain isn’t matching up in her head. She’s wondering what her son got herself into. “You have a boyfriend?” She asked hoping that you’re more truthful than her son who seems smitten with you but too dense to realize. “Oh no no it was just a guy from class everyone is saying it was supposed to be a date but he didn’t exactly say it. But it kinda felt like it?” You rambled feeling unsure if maybe you were thinking about it way too much and it literally was just a coffee hangout between classmates. Not like you would know since you pulled the nvm card. You couldn’t help but feel guilty as you remember how awkward he seemed.

“It was probably a date sweetheart.” She said comfortingly throwing you deeper into a spiral, needing to come up with some type of excuse. Can’t be the basic oh I fell sick. Something where it doesn’t seem you actually hate the guy and wanted to ghost him just because. “We made you soup last night if you want to join me in breakfast.” Thinking about food already had your stomach eating itself. Thanking her you stood up from his bed, feeling light headed almost immediately. Seeing your shaky figure she grabbed your arm helping you to stabilize yourself as her warmth felt different to Mark’s. “I can see where Mark gets his kindness from.” You were just pointing out the obvious but Debbie felt stunned at the recognition. She was proud of how she raised Mark, who he became. But no one gave her credit not that she wanted it. But it was a nice feeling.

“You didn’t wake me up?”

“Oh my God!” You had turned hearing Mark’s voice but as you see him shirtless with some boxers you let out an embarrassed gasp. “Mark! Put on some clothes we have a guest.” You hear Debbie reprimand him as he complained stuttering out sorry as he flew into his room. “I swear…” Even though she acted annoyed you can see the care in her eyes that she has for Mark. She led you to their dining table even though you tried offering help in setting up the table and helping to serve. “Don’t you dare. Sit down and relax you’re a guest here.” Giving you a playful glare you decided to not push the rules and sat down. Feeling extremely uncomfortable that you aren’t helping but Debbie had a pleasant smile on her face. “Did you guys start without me?” Mark had come rushing down with actual clothes but as the reminder of his practically naked self in the hallway, you couldn’t say anything.

“Not yet, give this to Y/N.” Debbie ordered making Mark place it in front of you, asking you a million questions if everything is alright.

If you were cold, if your neck is ok, is your head ok, if you needed anything else, if you were tired, it seemed like Debbie noticed how overwhelmed you started to feel.

“Hurry up and eat. You don’t want to be late to class.” Debbie chastised Mark who grumpily took a spoonful of the soup keeping him quiet. As you quietly ate your food you just examined the two’s interactions. They were lovely.

It didn’t hurt this time around as you recalled a memory that was so far from you. You were looking up as you saw a woman features similar to yours with a faux angry look pinching your cheeks lightly. She was saying something but you couldn’t recall. But you just know that the interaction had swelled something in your heart in a way you never thought you can experience.

“Are you ok?” You hadn’t realized but Mark had zeroed in on you. He saw your eyes become distant as you half-heartily pushed around the contents of the soup. He doesn’t like seeing you where you become so far away, it’s like whatever it is; is taking you away from him.

“Oh sorry um my memories are being weird.” You said taking another sip of the soup, never tasting one like this before. “Who made this?” Before Mark asked anything further in regards of your memories you wanted to know who made the soup totally not as a distraction. “I did! Mark tried helping but he kept on-.” Coughing loudly subsequently cutting off his mom. He gave her a look as she did back, where it practically became a match between the two. The winner being Mark as Debbie let out a tired sigh at his antics.

“Well I need to hurry up and go show a house. Mark make sure you’re not late, and Y/N you’re more than welcome to stay. If you have any questions you can text Mark?” She asked which you confirmed with a nod as you see her rush to grab her bag. Planting a kiss on Mark’s forehead which he happily smiled at, she waved you off shutting the door behind her. Glad she left you picked up your empty bowl heading over to the sink knowing she wouldn’t have let you otherwise. “W-what are you doing?” Mark quickly got up swooping in right in front of you, “I can take care of this just sit down.” They really are alike.

“Mark I can wash one dish.” You tiredly say which he stubbornly shook his head at. “Yeah no it’s not happening.” Groaning it felt like forever as you two bickered refusing to believe that they really need to uphold this rule of guests not needing to do anything.

“Fine! But you can’t stop me from drying.” Before he can anything you raise your finger towards his lips, signaling him to not even start. You see his cheeks redden making him turn away and turn on the faucet to get started. Happy that you get to help you pick up the drying rag waiting for the first dish. “You are so stubborn.” He chuckled as you smile at him proudly. You glanced at the clock noticing the creeping time, “Don’t you need to head out?” Worried that he was going to be late to his class with Amber. You see him tense up at the question as you think you already know the answer to it. “Mark?” You scold with a tone that parent will have with their child.

“I just need to make sure you’re good!” Mark said in high-pitched voice trying to defend his position, which barely helped it at all. “I am perfectly fine now! Go home, I’m probably going to head out anyways.” He didn’t want you to leave, he wasn’t even too sure if you were 100%. But he knows he doesn’t want to let you out of his sight. “What if we go somewhere?” He hurriedly said wanting to find any excuse for you two to be in close vicinity of one another.

“Going to do a rain check for that.” Both jumping at the sudden intrusion, you groaned seeing it was Cecile. “Don’t look too excited to see me. And also I see your suited up.” He says sarcastically and pointing out the obvious. But the obvious was just acknowledged by you. Fuck.

“I need you guys to patrol the city, I sent the Guardians somewhere else and well there’s no one else I trust.” A grey case appeared right by Cecile, pushing it towards you. “Looks like you need a change.” Thanking him silently you motioned upwards which Mark quickly allowed you to go as you hear Mark start to argue with Cecile no doubt about you.

——————

Holding onto him tightly, Mark was nice enough to not argue with you about joining. But to keep him sane he would carry you there, not want you to physically fight, and just be back-up. Your body not being at its best you knew better than to argue if you want to stay alive. For once not letting your pride dictate your moves. “Did you use my body wash?”

“Was I not supposed to-.”

“No no it’s ok! It’s not a bad thing.” He reassures not realizing that smelling the same scent as him on you would do something to him. “Do we have to be up in the air the entire time?” You ask not feeling comfortable if you’re going to be in the air the entire time. Your limbs bound to go stiff as you just continue to hold on tightly. “Let’s go here.” He started to fly towards the ground as you notice the pretty busy area. Making sure you’re aware of your surroundings you try keeping a circle around you permanent of gravity being pulled downwards. “Can we get two cones?” During your scanning you didn’t even realize you followed him to an ice-cream stand. “What do you like?”

The only distinct flavor you see was butter pecan catching your interest. “Really that one?” The judgement was obvious in his face as you see him choose a mint one. “Dude you actually like mint? Who in their right mind would choose that?” Mocking offense he grabbed the two cones from the man thanking him quickly, “You just want to hate just because. If you tried it without people whispering in your ear you’ll like it.” He actively defended making you think he defends his choice more than you think. Walking away Mark had reached out to give you your ice cream before it landed with a splat. Standing there you just stared down at your now melting ice cream seep into the floor sadly. “Why did you have your gravity thing up!”

“Someone would just apologize like a normal person! And I wanted to have an extra layer of protection!” You complained, looking back seeing you did walk a good distance away from the man. It just wasn’t worth it. “Just stay here for a sec.” Before he can fly off to quickly get you one you grabbed his sleeve, shaking your head. “It’s fine I feel bad already since the guy gave it to us free.”

“Here do you want to share?” He offered as you put down the barrier around you. Eyeing the ice cream cone you weren’t too keen on changing your opinion on the sweet treat. “Don’t tell me you’re being petty.” Seeing right through you he started to eat his ice cream teasing you every once in a while trying to seem uninterested. “Wow this is amazing!”

“I can’t believe you’re missing out on this!”

“This is the best thing I’ve ever had.”

“I swear if you don’t shut up.” You shove him away making him laugh loudly at your annoyance. Finding the furrow of your brow, and your scrunch of your face endearing. “Just give me a try.” You finally gave in making him grin from ear to ear. Tilting it towards you, you gave it a try, with a very biased mindset. And even if with that very opinionated mindset, you can’t help but internally know he was right. “You like it. You totally like it!” He confirmed with a smirk as you tried not smile at his cheer.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You refuse to give him that satisfaction as he poked your cheek endearingly. Your sweet time was cut short as you both hear a yell in the distance. Snatching you up, shoving the ice cream onto your hands he sped off to where the noises were happening from. From a distance you see a burning building with many people running out of it, yelling and pushing. It was chaos as you see people fighting along the street, confused by the mayhem. He set you a good distance away, giving you a stern look, “Just provide back-up and take this.” Giving you an earpiece you quickly put it on not wanting to waste any time, “Just be safe ok.” He gave you a kind smile but he still didn’t want to leave you, looking between the chaos and you. Wanting to wrap this up quickly he gave you a quick encouraging squeeze, flying off towards the midst of the trouble. “Take care of the two to the left by the building.” It wasn’t that hard to know who he was talking about seeing two mutants causing more damage around the area than anybody else. Bringing out your hands you slowly closed them bringing both of them down practically instantly hearing them yell out in pain. Not capable of even lifting up their head Mark quickly knocked them out, “Good job just try keeping the civilians away from-.” The ground started to rumble, making everyone scream louder hindering your chances of finding who can even be causing this.

“Shit, get them out!” Your hands had instinctively moved towards the burning building who proceeded to start lean towards the others trying to take them out. Mark’s eyes followed your movements seeing what you were struggling with trying to usher people away, “Can you hold that for long?” Wincing your arms were shaking by the heavy weight that you tried keeping up not letting any fire fall onto the ground/people. “I really can’t! I can only buy you a couple minutes.” Needing just that you see Mark fly back and forth trying to get everyone out of the way, thankfully hearing the fire trucks in the distance. You heard a shout of pain to your side seeing Mark get sent flying to another building. What the?

“What’s happening?”

“Just stay focused there! It would be a bigger mess if you let the building fall wait for the fire-fighters.” You hear Mark groan in pain over the ear-piece worrying you even more. Trusting his words you tried focusing on the building that was crumbling underneath your grip. “Please my son is in there!” Faltering you stumble at the tug of your costume behind you. You see an older woman, with tears streaming down her face, as she pleaded with you. “He was getting everyone out and I can’t see him!” Scanning the building its fast-paced burning that son of hers had to have died already. If not burned then smoke most definitely getting to him. There was no point in even trying to get to him. “I’m sorry m’am but we need to get rid of the fire-.”

“No he’s going to die! Don’t let my boy die!” The fire-fighters finally got into gear as you gave them a nod to start their work as you feel your grip on the building weaken. The tugging at your outfit wasn’t helping as the woman was insistent making you feel horrible. What would be the point if you brought the woman back the corpse of her son. Would she even find solace? “Please I can’t leave him there alone.” Falling onto her knees, it seemed like her body was giving up on her as her sobs cut the air. “Dammit.”

“What’s going on over there?” You hear stuff breaking in the distance no doubt the fight still happening, whoever decided to join the fight last minute. “Just stay focus over there, I need to do something.”

“Y/N don’t do anything!” Ignoring his plea you carefully disconnected the woman’s hand from your clothes as you went up to the firefighters who were trying to contain the raging fire. “There’s someone in there I need to get quick, I can keep up the building for only so much more, so you guys need to contain this.”

“You can’t enter there it’s too dangerous now-.”

“I’m not arguing with you on this. Just do your job and keep the fire here.” It was risky. You trained with Mark not needing your hands to control the gravity pull around you but that’s where your power was focused majorly in. Only able to keep it with your mind for less than 4 minutes. You only had 2 minutes. Taking a deep breath you let your hands fall at your side and quickly flew in, hearing the building crumple around you, barely keeping it up with your mind, the mental toll already having it’s effect. “Anybody here!?” Keeping one hand up around you as the fire tried nicking at you down. There were too many rooms but he shouldn’t be in a room right? He was getting everyone out so maybe he tried making a beeline to the exit. Trying to find all the exits, you coughed letting your hand down not exerting all your energy into keep the building up around you. 2 minutes. “Where are you!” You hear Mark’s voice in your ear, sounding beaten and tired. Not wanting to expose the fact that you went against his word you kept quiet seeing a figure on the floor passed out.

Flying to the figure you crouch beside them, shaking them. A bad burn on their arms was what you immediately saw taking care in not touching them around there. “Wait.” Softly moving the hair out of their face you gasped recognizing the guy that’s on the floor. “Victor oh god!” The awkward guy that you had stood up was her son. Panicking you scooped him up in your arms, yelping as you feel the building start to collapse. Holding onto him tightly the entrance you had just come from was now blocked, the smoke getting too excessive as you coughed. The building has to fall if you want to do this. You hold onto him tighter gritting your teeth as you force a shield around you both. Flying directly towards the wall you wince as you hear the building crumble right behind you, causing shouts to fill the air. Breathing heavily you flew to one of the ambulances parked too far away, you went up to the EMTS. “You have to help him please!” You probably looked insane with hair singed, feeling as if your skin was burning off by the close proximity, the air feeling so sweet compared to the smoke. “I tried-.” You reasoned as you placed him on the bed as they quickly got to work. “It’s ok we got it from here.”

Your heart was being crazily as you glanced at the man’s face, he looked so at peace. But too quiet. “Save him please.” You don’t know why but you need him alive. You want him alive. You have no connection to that man but you want him to live. The feeling has you crushed, “Where are you guys going?” Telling you the hospital they urged you they had to go finally making you take a step back, seeing them drive off with sirens blaring.

“Where were you!” You hear Mark yell at you at a distance but your eyes were locked onto the ambulance that left your sight finally. Why were you feeling all these things? Why was it when you feel something it’s experience tenfold, as if you never experienced it. Turning around you can barely keep up with your appearance as you felt your shoulders shake, immediately held by Mark. “What happened? Are you ok? Are you hurt?” His once pissed tone washed away, taking a softer tone trying to look over your body if you were about to cry due to the pain. “It was Victor, I feel horrible, I almost left him there!” You said in a hushed tone feeling the tears prick your eyes, refusing to believe that you were about to leave him there. Mark unfortunately remembered the name seeing it when you had your phone turned on, but as he sees you in the brink of breaking down because of him he has to acknowledge maybe something might happen between you and your classmate. He has to accept it. “Go.”

“What?”

“Go wait for him to wake up. I’ll take care of the clean up around here.” Mark encouraged even though his smile no longer reached his eyes. You didn’t want to leave him, just one look at him and you see had to deal with more than you did. Bloodied, bruised, he had it all. “I can’t go. I can still help.” He shook his head as he motioned to the chaos behind you two. “It’s fine everyone is just shaken up. If anything can I expect you to be home?”

“Home?”

“Yeah sorry. Like at my house? Just for one night to make sure you’re good and you can head back to your dorm?” It was strange even though it sounded like question, it felt like he was pleading with you. You would’ve said no otherwise feeling as if you overstayed your welcome. Throwing your arms around his neck you feel him stiffen up, shocked by the sudden action. “Thank you so much! I’ll make it up to you later.” Casting him one last grateful look you flew towards the direction of the hospital not catching the pained expression that Mark had now adorned.

——————-

It felt weird as the roles were now reversed as you knocked on the window, startling Mark. It was already 2 in the morning. He opened the window letting you fly in, as he saw the stress all over your face, but you still had a content smile along with it. “I didn’t expect you to be awake still.” He didn’t want to admit that he was waiting up for you, scared that you got caught up in something along the way. He needed to know you were ok. And annoyed at the fact that you were seeing your potential future boyfriend. “Couldn’t sleep.” Ignoring his obviously annoyed tone you brought up the bag you were hiding behind your back. “What’s this?”

“I brought us some snacks! It’s somewhat a thank you. And I went inside this like comic store and I heard from Amber you like these type of things!” Handing him a stack of comics you found in the store, he was ready to thank you before he dropped them on his bed in disbelief. Yes they were comics he liked, editions he didn’t even have, signatures he never thought to get, the crisp condition, he’s scared how much you spent.

“How much was it?” You shrugged your shoulders as you poured out the snacks on his bed, wanting to get comfortable already. “Just used Cecile’s card.” A win is a win. Mark is just going to cherish the hell out of everything, and keep it away from Cecile’s sight. “I took a shower at the hospital but do you have anything I can wear?”

Tripping over his bedsheets making you giggle he found some clothes that don’t fit him anymore offering it to you. “If you’re not comfortable with th-.”

“It’s fine can you just turn around, I’m scared of going outside and waking up your mom.” It wasn’t weird. It wasn’t weird. He tried telling himself as he felt his cheeks redden up hearing you rustle your clothes, “I went to go see Amber.”

“Oh nice! How is she doing she must be confused that I wasn’t there.” You say thinking about how it must’ve looked from her view. You say you’re going to hangout with this new person and you proceed to not see your roommate the following night and day. “I had to stop her from calling the cops to file you as a missing person.” He chuckled as he remembered her panicky state swearing that she would do something to your date if she saw him on campus. “I just told her you had a last minute family thing.” Thanking him for the last minute save you plopped onto the bed next to him as his eyes raked over your body. Another you he hasn’t seen.

“I’m glad you guys are still going strong. She seems so much happier now that you guys have more time together.” Opening a bag of spicy chips you offered some to Mark who picked out the sour candy instead. “Yeah it’s just hard juggling between being a superhero, a boyfriend, a son, and a good friend.” He emphasized the last part making you chuckle but pity him simultaneously. “You’re an amazing friend Mark. Even if we have our differences you always came back.” You say gratefully placing a hand on his shoulder giving him a comforting squeeze.

“And it’s hard being a boyfriend because you just haven’t told Amber yet.” They’ve been fairly close at-least in Amber’s eyes but with Mark’s tone and general attitude when it’s brought up makes you question otherwise. “Do you not trust her?”

“No no I do trust her. I know she wouldn’t tell anyone it’s just-.” Taking a deep breath his eyes casted to the side, the internal fighting obvious on his face. “If I tell her she gets dragged into my world. The baggage that comes with me might make her think it’s not worth it.” He confided making you think that’s why he doesn’t seem so close to her. He’s just scared. Obviously he loves her but he’s looking out for her. In his own secretive way.

He was telling the truth. Maybe that’s why whenever he was with Amber he was forcing it to feel 100% correct. But they’re from different worlds. He can try getting past it. But will she?

“What baggage is so big she would run away? If somebody loves you enough they’ll stay I promise you.”

“I don’t think love can make someone stay.”

“Don’t say that.” Realizing this runs deeper than you thought, you start to realize there’s more to the story. “Mark what exactly are you afraid of telling her?” It was a sadness you never thought you can see in Mark. It was as if he reverted to some hurt child as snapped his eyes shut. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. Can we talk about something else?” It was a hurt you couldn’t understand. Not wanting to push anything more you weakly offered the comic to him.

“Do you wanna hear about my memories?”

“Yes please.” Desperately agreeing wanting to change the topic in any way and hear more about you while he’s at it. “I think I saw my parents finally.”

You said it so nonchalantly that he felt like he was overreacting, maybe it’s the trauma between seeing you writhe in pain because of it. “How was it?” Not really knowing what he can ask, considering your questionable memory. “It was amazing.” He saw you beam with happiness as it looked like you started to reminisce fiddling with the bag, “I got a feeling that I never thought I could experience.” You explain trying to hold onto the memories forever, scared of forgetting anything. “Even though I don’t even remember their name, the fact that I had parents, who seemed to love me. I’m just happy.”

Dammit.

As he looked at your face, the moonlight shining down on you, you looked ethereal. The content smile you had, with so much love in your eyes. You have so little, and yet with just these few moments of your memory. You’re grateful, you are grateful for everything. He wants to help you find every missing piece to make you whole again. To bring you the happiness you deserved. He wants to be by your side not caring what his title is when beside you.

But he can’t do if he’s hurting people along the way as his mind wandered to Amber. He can’t deny some part does love her. He’s her first love. The love he has for her is enough to know he shouldn’t continue this. He’s a horrible person. He won’t deny that. He’ll stay his distance in compensation for how he played this out.

Getting up he knows he needs to do this now, startling you by his sudden movements. “Did I say something?” You asked scared that maybe he didn’t want to change topics. Was it actually a mind game you lost. “No you didn’t do anything I just need to go real quick.” Taken aback by his quick movements you see him throw on a jacket heading towards the window. “Mark! You’re making it seem like I did, just tell me!”

“It’s just I need to take care of this first.” You weren’t convinced as you got up stopping Mark from leaving through the window, glaring at him. “Y/N I’m sorry that was just terrible timing, I’ll come back as soon as I can! And I will listen to anything you tell me!” He pleaded wanting this feeling to go away, he can’t do this to Amber. She doesn’t deserve this. This is the least he can do.

“Can you just promise it wasn’t because of me?” You want to believe it wasn’t because of you but he’s making it so difficult. “I promise Y/N. I’ll even bring you your favorite drink.” You felt his warm hand envelop yours bringing it up, softly bringing out your pinkie he interlocked it with yours. It was something so precious to you. To you both. Your angry expression deflated replaced with one of content. And he’s happy to see it.

“You better-.” Stepping aside you opened the window for him guiding him to it, “Make it a large please. And come back safe that too!” Happy that it didn’t end with the silence treatment, he promised you again and flied off to fulfill his end of the situation.

#writing #mark grayson x reader #mark grayson #invincible x reader #invincible fanfic #invincible show

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just-some-sorta-person · 7 days ago

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Can I ask, who are your top 7 favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc (can be canon or non-canon) and your top 10 favorite characters ever from any media? Why do you love them all? Thanks if you want to answer....

Sure!

Ships (in rough order)

Nagireo from Blue Lock

my current obsession, going on strong for like more than a year by now. Also the first ship where I actually interacted with fandom meaningfully for a prolonged people of time instead of mostly ghosting. They’re really special to me! I think something I like about them is how core their relationship is to their story, and exploring their characters. It makes fan content and AUs really interesting and fun. In my opinion, a lot of their issues would still exist without blue lock, and they’d have to work them out in any setting, and I think that’s neat.

Satosugu From Jujutsu Kaisen

my past obsession, I spent a great deal of time with them as well before moving on to nagireo. Something I think of when it comes to stsg is the idea of an unfulfilled love that’s not lesser or weaker by virtue of being unfulfilled. I really like the idea that Gojo’s last words to geto were “I love you”, said for the first time at the end for this reason. Well, I am an angst enjoyer. I also enjoy the concept of love not being enough. Gojo and Geto’s individual relationship to power and agency is pretty cool to dive into too, the roles they had to fill in society and such. Their diverging paths. A good ship can’t be made with bad/uninteresting characters after all and I like all the character study fics out there.

those're kinda the two big ones.

Yuudai X Taisei from Sakana

Read sakana here right this moment its very special to me

Ah yes the awkwardness of drunk kissing your coworkers bestie that you're certain is way too good for you. I love love love them so much. They're just very comforting to me. Anxious eel and silly octopus (all of the cast of characters have assigned aquatic organisms). The comic as a whole deals a lot with anxiety, which is really cathartic, but I think in general its really nice seeing Yuudai opening up to people. I also like Yuudai's pessimism and skittery abrasive personality being balanced out by Taisei's optimism and cheerfulness. They also just make for some funny interactions that I've really liked reading heheh

Vanoe from Vanitas no Carte-

It’s the great gatsby vibes, the sunshine character and the deeply traumatized character who doesn’t see themselves as lovable, etc. I really love them and may or may not have made a slide deck presentation on Vanitas no carte for powerpoint night with my friends and 1/3 of it was centered around them.

Ludovica X Luck from Tiger Tiger-

Since this isn't an anime/is probably more obscure, here's the link to Tiger Tiger! Independently published by the artist and free to read, though you can also buy the first book to read in bookstores and such. I genuinely recommend it so much.

Ludovica and Luck are just so funny together, I love them so much. It's an eldritch doomsday god and the hyperfixated-on-sea-sponges mad scientist said being wants to impress. what is there not to like? its chaos x chaos but 2 different flavors. Also the source material is great, and very queer. #stealing your brother's ship to study sea sponges and getting caught up in doomsday. Also him and his 2nd mate are in love but dont realize bc reasons. Its great.

Bachirin from Blue Lock-

grumpy x sunshine always gets me. Plus their parallels and the whole loneliness thing. It’s a great ship- though what really sold me was reading fics like The Sun Will Come up. They really have so much potential.

Kide X Coel from Project Novos

another comic free to read here except this one has.. been on hiatus since 2022.. cries. I think the author has mentioned getting back to it though. Project Novos fulfills my childhood friends to enemies that dont actually hate each other to lovers dreams. The plot follows a government conspiracy and uprising but the story centers around Coel and Kide's relationship, which I do expect to be carried out romantically despite not being explicit so far (in part because it is not a mainstream manga).

This too, also follows the more optimistic character x a more pessimistic traumatized character trope... I have a type ok

... the ship list kinda turned into a bit of a rec list, but with some exceptions, my enjoyment of a relationship tends to do a lot with my enjoyment of the story its in unless I get fixated so...

hmm other ships ive liked... narumi x hirotaka from wotakoi.. hualian from tgcf, bingqui from svsss.... wait actually, there's too many lets move on.

Characters

Let's limit it to one character per show/series/etc to make this easier and avoid me just being like "the whole cast of sakana" or "the whole cast of tiger tiger" or "These characters from Dungeonmeshi..." too many options...

this is in no particular order. Also you might notice a lot of these characters come from the ships above

Yuudai Tanaka from Sakana

I like seeing characters suffer from anxiety, especially in a more ugly way, because I suffer from anxiety, and while I'm a lot nicer than Yuudai, I get frustrated when anxiety is portrayed in a way that may seem "cute" because it really doesn't feel "cute" hahaha. I mean, being anxious can mean being shy sometimes, which I can understand finding cute, but it can also mean being avoidant, skittish, or less friendly.

Ludovica Bonnaire from Tiger Tiger

She's chaotic, she's sweet, she's adorable, she's remarkably intelligent, she's fixated on sea sponges and wants to learn more about them! I really love Ludovica. She feels really refreshing as a character- a woman of science who's bubbly, excitable, and chaotic. She's kind of naive, but not at all dumb or incompetent. She falls into the mad scientist category without it defining her character. She doesn't let anything stop her but isn't somehow perfect, and she's incredibly funny. She's just great!

Nagi Seishiro from Blue Lock

Just.. look at him. he has a cactus, that's like plus 20 points

I have a soft spot for characters that are more subtly lacking in life and struggling, but aren't conscious of it. Also characters that discover that there's more to life than they first thought. Nagi seems fine on the outside, but if you look at some of his habits, they're actually rather concerning - subsisting off jelly packets, thinking life is a pain, getting a cactus to practice talking to people because he hadn't TALKED in so long. One of the nicest/most meaningful things his parents said to him that made him happy being "Don't die".. I also enjoy his disconnect from other people, and how he doesn't really understand the world around him.

I also like the space he occupies within the blue lock canon as a “hidden path”, and the contrast he presents in comparison to the other characters. I think Nagi is made more interesting by being a side character to Blue Lock than if he was the true main character. Idk if that’s a controversial take to have about your fav haha but really I think being the main character of a spinoff is the best place he could be. His situationship with the most important person in his life that he met 6 months ago is great too.

Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist

I LOVE the concept of the friendship is magic character being greed itself. I like the idea of interpersonal love being related to greed. Greed is wanting things, and it is often villainized, but wanting things is the basis of so much more than what we usually associate with greed - and in fact, some of our deepest wants are related to love - in all the forms it takes. Anyways, Greed is very special to me.

Vanitas from Vanitas no Carte

I just love a character who hates themselves so much that they won't let themselves be loved, but they don't have a gloomy exterior to reflect that (making it harder to tell).

Geto Suguru from Jujutsu Kaisen

I think I just love a guy who put so much pressure on himself to torture himself doing the right thing that he crashed out and did all the bad things. I see it as kind of the downfalls of needing everything to be simple and solvable. Geto preserved his sense of control and the livability of his own life, at the expense of becoming a bad person. That's something to explore, to me.

Him being gay (for his bff) is also a plus

Hirotaka Nifuji from Wotakoi

I have a tendency to like characters I find relatable. I haven't watched Wotakoi in awhile but I remember really resonating with Hirotaka. Because I haven't rewatched in awhile it's kinda just a vibe rn tho haha I can't really explain it.. But maybe it has something to do with the muted/quieter way he tends to express himself, despite still having his own inner world.

Anya Forger from Spy Family

I don't really relate to Anya at all, and I don't have any complicated reasons for this. She's just a cutie patootie who deserves the world

Laios Touden from Dungeon meshi

I love Laios and its definitely because I find him relatable. His difficulty connecting with people, his fixation on monsters, his appreciation of food... And I really like how his difficulty connecting with people and him being a weirdo is paired with a genuine desire to connect with them, and do good, as well as leadership skill.

I wanna eat living armor too...

Mafuyu Sato from Given

Given actually got me through a really hard time at one point, so its really special to me. Mafuyu's journey in general is very special to me, especially as someone who has had trouble expressing/processing their feelings before too.

#asks #satosugu #nagireo #reonagi #sakana #vanoe #tigertiger #bachirin #projectnovos #rinbachi #nagiseishiro #greed fma #VNC #laios touden

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mikareo · 1 year ago

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⌗ SNOWDROP ₊ ˖ ་. nagi seishiro x fem reader (5.4k)

⊹ ⠀⠀ it's the end of the world and he's possibly the most unprepared person alive…perhaps he can rely on the pretty girl with perfect aim who just so happened to save his life at the very last second. he’s never been in love but maybe this love could last…so long as the both of you stay alive.

contains; resident evil inspired, badass agent!reader, helpless civilian!nagi, zombie apocalypse, guns, knives, blood, gore, swearing, angst, fluffy flirting, love at first sight, major character death, reo cameo!!!!, cannibalism (zombies) author's note; this fic destroyed my sanity, but i hope u like it! there are parts that are so unserious asjkl just trust me that it's a good read and pt2 is gonna be fucking crazy

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ videogame au milestone collab masterlist !

This can’t be happening. There’s no way this is actually fucking happening right now.

He’s sprinting at full speed, his laces are barely tied, and the smoke in the air is surely clogging his lungs into a blackened pulp of nothingness. To be quite frank, Nagi would rather have those poisoned lungs than discover whatever the hell happened to his neighbors down the hall…because damn they look like they’re in some rough shape. With their sunken eyes, flaking skin, and very obvious urge to suddenly turn to cannibalism, that’s not really his vibe…but that’s a falling telephone pole! Holy shit that’s a falling telephone pole coming straight his way in 3…2…1. JUMP!

Whew, that was a close one. Good thing he’s tall!

The shift in humanity didn’t exactly happen overnight. It was actually just twenty minutes ago when his peace was so rudely interrupted. There he was, snuggled up in his gaming chair with a fresh bag of Cool Ranch Doritos opened and ready to meet his belly, when he finally beat the last level of his new favorite game; only to discover that those screams of terror and fear…yea those weren’t coming from his PC and his living room window is now a pile of ash. Nagi doesn’t think he’s ever seen so much red and yellow in his life, all of it becoming one big blur of flames that he somehow jumped through and landed on the street below— thankfully he lives on the ground floor, otherwise his body would join his couch in a pile of broken limbs. Damn, this is all such a hassle.

No one would be able to guess what it was that caused this chaos…okay, actually it’s not too out of this world; just a commercial jet falling from the sky with a monstrous thing (??) crawling out of the window onto the streets of Tokyo, whilst an oddly green gas dilutes the air.

Yeah, not too crazy— but just crazy enough to make even Nagi Seishiro, laziest man on earth, leave the comfort of his homely apartment to find his neighborhood in complete and utter chaos. He even saw his delivery man devouring the convenience store owner that always gives him an extra bonus off his nightly midnight snack. Man, he loved that guy. That’s a sight that’ll make him shudder for years to come; assuming he can stay alive for the next however many hours and days this newfound apocalypse is going to take.

Nagi thinks it’s been nearly an hour since he started running and he didn’t even know he had this much stamina in him. Maybe he’s secretly a superhuman or another one of the monsters the city has been consumed by— or perhaps his adrenaline rush is nearly infinite since he’s never utilized it in his entire life. He’s not sure of the logistics. He failed high school biology…and chemistry…and physics. There’s a reason why he turned to gaming and shied away from college. This thrill and rush isn’t meant for him. He’s a couch potato that wants to do nothing but rot and enjoy the satisfying ding Twitch gives him whenever he receives a new sub. His generation needs instant gratification…and right now? Well, he’s in desperate need of some water.

Hesitantly, Nagi rounds into the glass doors of the nearest and safest looking building he happens to see— which is luckily a convenience store similar to the one near his apartment. He’s more than surprised when the automatic doors open in a pinch and he’s able to enter with no difficulty. The store is somehow in little disarray, with its grocery items on the shelves in their rightful spots and few sparse bags of chips laying on the tile floor. However, what is in disarray is the pharmacy section. There are drugstore pills scattered everywhere. He can’t even tell what kind of medications were being scavenged in a clear panic for medical amenities, and highly doubts that whoever was searching for supplies was able to get any with the state the back of the store is in. The font on the labels is so small that Nagi, the man who stares at a screen all day, can’t decipher what they say; and he’s assuming that whoever was in here is long dead and gone. But then again…

…he’s never been the kind of guy who’s always right.

“I come in peace!” His voice is two octaves higher than it normally is. If this were a choir audition, he’d absolutely ace it. “I swear I just came for some water! Please don’t kill me, zombie, please!”

Both of his eyes are shut whilst he awaits his inevitable demise, assuming that the unknown presence in the room likely has an appetite for human organs. There were so many things he wanted to do with his life…like ride a hot air balloon? Actually, that would be really hot if he were that close to the sun. Surf in the Caribbean? Ew, he could get bit by a crab. Get a girlfriend? He can’t complain about that one, that would be very very nice.

Oh no, he’s already getting eaten…he can practically hear her imaginary laughter already.

“Really? Those are your last words?”

Zombies can talk?

Nagi fearfully inches one eye open to see the most gorgeous person he thinks he’s seen in his entire life. Sure, you look a little disheveled— with your soaked hair and dirt-crusted skin— but to him, you look like something out of his imagination. The female protagonist that he could only dream about campaigning with in a first-person-shooter game, and would later search for a worthy poster to stick on his wall. If love at first sight is real, then this is definitely it. The only issue? Your barrel is pointing straight at his face.

“You’re going to shoot me?” He exclaims, scrambling to back up but ultimately tripping on his own laces and landing on his ass. “Ah shit, that hurts.”

Elegantly, you rush to his side. “You have injuries?” With eyes scanning over every inch of his body, there’s genuine concern dripping from your tongue like honey. Your voice is like a melody, oh man. Nagi thinks he’s a goner— not because he could be eaten by zombies, but because he feels like he’d jump in front of a moving bus to protect you. Pfft, and some protection he’s doing, embarrassing himself like this…

“Nope, nothing’s hurt…” he mumbles, sitting up with an attempted nonchalant look on his face. “...only my ego.”

A small smile reveals itself before him and your eyes crinkle as you let out a little laugh, and instantly he’s almost more obsessed with you. It’s as if you’re some higher being that he was blessed to see on his final day on earth, with golden rays radiating from your skin and big irises that he could drown in. Perhaps if it weren’t the end of the world, the two of you could’ve walked to this store together— holding hands and speaking softly about your shared interests and passions— and he could make you laugh a million times and more…now that he’s really thinking about it, you’re the first girl he’s made laugh probably ever and he really wishes there wasn’t a menacing zombie apocalypse getting in the way of his beautiful fantasy.

“I’m assuming you’re alone?” You stand up, looking down at him.

Alone as in single or…

“You don’t have any family that you escaped with?”

…okay not alone as in single. Got it.

“It’s just me,” Nagi stands to his feet and is loving your shocked reaction to his towering height. “My family’s overseas right now, so I think they’re alright. I mean, I hope they’re alright. I don’t have any service to reach them, right now. My phone is down.”

You nod, reaching in your bag for something he can’t quite see. What he can see, though, is the massive shotgun strapped to your back and three large cartridges hanging from your belt— somehow you’re able to carry all that and four grenades, two handguns, and six rolls of bandages in that pack of yours, which you lay out for him so lovingly on the floor.

“Take what you need.” Oh hell, what has he gotten himself into?

As he backs up cautiously, realization dawns upon your face. “You’ve never done this before have you?”

“Is living through a zombie apocalypse a common experience?” His mouth is agape. “Yeah, sorry…can’t say this isn’t the first time for me.”

A sigh slips from your lips and you gather your things, packing everything into your bag except for a standard handgun. Nagi can feel his heartbeat picking up as you take three steps closer to him. One. Two. Three. He wishes you’d chosen to take a fourth— that way you’d be nose to nose, he’d get to see your beauty up close, and then memorize the curves and features of your face— which he’d surely never forget as he’d think about them morning, night, and day. He’d love to fantasize about you for hours but you have other plans, dropping said standard handgun into his palms.

“Just aim for the head, okay?”

Um. No. Not okay.

“I don’t really shoot real guns…” he rambles, attempting to get rid of the deadly weapon you’ve so casually given him. “I’m more of a lover, y’know? Talk things out instead of shooting things in between their eyes? I like digital zombies! Yeah, those guys are chill…love ‘em so much…please take this away from me.”

You shake your head, already on your way out of the door. “Nope, you’re coming with me.”

“Why?” If this were a video game, there’d be a massive exclamation point flashing above his head, along with a grave that he could crawl into instead of joining you on this suicide mission. Being six feet under sounds pretty nice right about now…but he’s sure that the look you’re giving him is more deadly than any threat outside. “I don’t think I’m going to be much help to you.”

“Nagi, is it?” You clarify, to which he nods. “There are only two choices right now, and I know we just met but I’d rather you live than die. You’re tall. Your height is going to give you a range advantage when we’re out there, and I can already tell that you have great spatial awareness…not many people would’ve noticed me in the shadows. You know this area far better than I do, and sure, you’ve never held a gun before, but you’ve got to fight to live.”

As your voice continues in a soft-spoken tone, he’s mesmerized. “I want you to live, and I’m going to make sure you do.”

He can feel himself nodding along to your words— his heart getting lighter by the second, perhaps out of adrenaline but he’s going to believe it’s love. He needs something to look forward to when this is all over, if this is ever over, and that something is the image of you and him on a date. With you looking stunning in your favorite outfit and him hopefully looking better than he does right now…clear skies with the cicadas shushing themselves so he doesn’t miss a single thing you say…enough money in his bank account to cover anything and everything you wish for…and the biggest bouquet of your favorite flowers that he can find. What are your favorite flowers?

“Can I ask you something before I say yes?” Nagi’s voice is sweet, seemingly comforting you as your shoulders drop from their automated offensive stance. You look a little curious, likely assuming that he’s going to ask you some tips on how to shoot a gun— which he probably should if he’s being honest with himself, but that’s an issue that isn’t as important as his current curiosity. “Do you have a favorite flower?”

With teeth shining at him, he’s blinded by the overwhelming beauty you send his way and for the second time, he makes you laugh.

“My favorite flower? You’re so strange.” Overcome with a fit of giggles, he thinks that this is your first time laughing at something a man said as well. “Why do you need to know that? Are you asking me out or something?”

“I am.” He states bluntly and your cheeks flush red.

There’s a minute of silence between the two of you and each second is more excruciating than the last. With a heavy clock ticking in his ear, telling him that he’s made a fool of himself as the hand inches more and more to the left; he’s counting down his probable rejection as he’s just shot his shot in the middle of the end of the world. What a stupid decision. He knows his timing could be better— could be a lot better actually— and there’s a part of him that regrets even attempting…but none of that matters, because you’re smiling.

Maybe he makes you just as nervous as you make him…

“Okay Nagi,” you grin and adjust the shotgun strap across your chest. “If we both survive this, I promise I’ll go out with you…but I have some high expectations. I want the most expensive flower arrangement money can buy.”

“And what kind of flowers are you wishing for, gorgeous?” His voice is a sexy whisper, and Nagi didn’t even know he could be so seductive.

You jokingly roll your eyes at the pet name and toss him one of your inactive grenades, which he catches with ease, urging him to follow you into the chaos— but not before you give him the answer he so desperately desires.

“Snowdrops.”

There are two things that Nagi has realized in the past thirty minutes.

1.) He’s a lot more athletic than he thought he was.

Running for a half an hour straight is something that he never imagined himself doing— especially considering that he’s never stepped one foot into a gym in his entire life. What he originally thought to be clumsiness, turns out to be raw strength untouched. You were right to assume that his lengthy limbs would do him some justice in the fight for his life, and he’s thankful for his towering height as he’s blocked falling debris from smacking you atop the head nearly five times now; though, he did miss a flying sneaker that happened to nail you straight in the nose. He’s trying his best, give him a break.

2.) You might be a figment of his imagination.

Sure, this idea is likely false as he definitely felt your weight when you were sent flying from a stray hand grenade and landed on top of him, but you just seem so perfect. Getting to know you has been a dream come to life— though making conversation while running for his life isn’t the easiest feat, he’s managing. Some of the things you’ve told him do seem to be made up, though. For instance, you were the culprit behind the plane crash and while he’d love to picture a sunsetting sky with the two of you floating in the breeze, you’re not going to be piloting that jet. However, he has to give you a break because he’s never flown anything other than pixelated aircrafts, especially aircrafts that contain a deadly monster oozing toxic gas that turns people into zombies. Yeah, he couldn’t quite believe that either.

“On your left!” The sound of your voice snaps him back into focus and he realizes there are four zombified citizens barreling your way. “I could use some help here!”

You definitely don’t need his help. For God’s sake you have a shotgun the size of your leg that’s already mowed down three of them and Nagi’s just barely getting used to the sound of the bang. So far he’s pretty much been useless if not for letting you know what’s coming up in the distance, and also being the absolute last resort solution— which is rare, but oh shit it’s happening right now! You’re out of shells! How exactly does he fire this thing again?

Shakily, he attempts to point his handgun in the direction of the lone zombie bounding towards you. “Deep breaths, Nagi! Focus and aim!” Your words of encouragement are appreciated, but ultimately useless as he desperately starts stray shooting.

“Fucking aim!” You’re losing your patience for him so fast, to which he tries his best to calm down and breathe.

In and out.

His heart rate begins to slow.

Breathe and concentrate.

His eyes become unclouded by his anxiety, and his vision clears.

Lock on.

He has a mark on the target.

With his pistol’s aim assist shining against the zombie’s forehead, he confidently fires a single bullet. It soars through the air, squealing in its flight, and he lets out a sigh of relief…a sigh that he exhaled far too early.

Aw shit, he missed.

You grunt, bracing yourself against his bullet that ricochets off of the nearby telephone pole and grazes your right arm. He has a clear view of the scarlet blood dripping down your elbow and onto the pavement, and his heart feels heavy. He’s so fucking useless that he’s injuring you. Nagi doesn’t think it’s even possible to be worse at flirting than him; he can’t imagine that there are many guys who are accidentally shooting the girl they like, yet here he is.

Thankfully, you being the badass agent you are, you’ve managed to reload your eleven shells of ammo in the time it took for him to fire one bullet— and you easily dissolve the zombie to bits and pieces.

“Your aim can use a little work.” You snort, brushing your fingers against the small wound.

He rips the sleeve of his t-shirt off and attempts to wrap it around your arm. This is what you’re supposed to do, right? The only training he’s had in the medical field is from that one surgeon simulator game he played in middle school, and to be completely honest, it was a pretty good game! However, he’s definitely doing something wrong because you place your hand over his and show him how to properly treat an open wound. Normally, Nagi would be embarrassed that he’s failing so miserably right now— but honestly, the only thing on his mind is how this is the first time you’ve held his hand. He can’t tell if there are butterflies in his stomach or if the smell of blood is triggering vomit. Hopefully the former.

It’s no surprise that your perceptive self notices his focus on your intertwined hands, to which you take the lead and insist on pushing forward. “As romantic as this is, we should find some shelter before we get eaten in the midst of making out.”

Oh?

“You want to make out with me?”

Oof that slap hurt. His priorities clearly don’t align with yours.

“Okay, okay.” Nagi holds his hands up in surrender before you can smack his chest for a second time, and he’s finally able to notice your surroundings. Since when was the Mikage Buildingright behind you? Hm…the imminent fear of death must have distracted him. “My best friend’s family owns this tower here. I promise it’s safe.”

Your gaze narrows at the wall of glass windows that are seemingly spotless. There isn’t a single crack, faulty line, or zombie-sized hole that’s visible to the naked eye and he feels a little swell of pride for Reo’s family. Yeah, that’s right! My best friend’s parent’s architects are great at making buildings! It finally seems like he’s had his first good idea of the night, and Nagi couldn’t be more proud. Progress is progress (even if he shot you in the process)!

“It looks good.” You nod in approval and begin cautiously making your way towards the doors.

While following closely behind, he watches your back and ensures that there’s no one on your trail; which isn’t difficult in the slightest. Most of the civilians have died by now and you’ve already cleared every undead in the area…without his help. He doesn’t know how he managed to be so lucky that he ended up with you, but he’s grateful for every second— and now that you’re finally in his familiar territory, he can finally show you what he’s worth.

“There’s an elevator up these steps.” Nagi leads you up the grand staircase, remembering how he lazily trotted down it yesterday after Reo tried, once again, to convince him to join his football club. “I think it’ll work, I know they have emergency systems and everything.”

“I don’t know, Nagi…” your voice trails off, something amiss about it. “I just have a weird feeling about this place.”

“I promise Reo’s family’s going to take care of us, they’re the best.” He deflects your concerns, trusting that his friend will pull through and have some crazy solution to save the world. There’s never been a time where he couldn't count on Reo and as soon as you reach the top of these steps, you’ll agree. The text he sent out asking for help is almost delivered, just a few more seconds and that blue line will slide all the way to the right and Reo will be right down the elevator as soon as possible. 3…2…1…sent! There! You’ll both be saved!

But if Reo’s on the top floor in his room…why did his ringtone ding just meters away?

There’s a corpse laying in front of the elevator doors, mangled and bruised. How did Nagi not notice it before? Was he too distracted thinking of his closest and only friend he’s ever had? No way. The security team must have destroyed all of the zombies in the building already, he’s sure Reo and the others are fine— but why does that body look so familiar?

No.

It can’t be him.

Three steps away.

There’s got to be some kind of mistake here. A prank right?

Two steps away.

He can’t be dead. His best friend can’t be dead!

One.

“No…” With his voice trembling, he stands over his best friend’s body. Reo’s violet hair is drenched in blood, seemingly resembling the color of a plum rather than the typical lavender hue. If it were a normal day, Nagi would laugh at the awful color— telling his partner in crime that the shade didn’t suit him in the slightest and Reo would laugh in annoyance, aiming a ball straight for the taller boy’s head…but this isn’t a normal day. This is the end of the world; and that beautiful lavender flower that Nagi associated with his teammate is wilting. It’s dying. It’s dead along with the heartbeat within it. Reo is dead.

“Nagi. I need you to step back slowly.” He spins to see you with your barrel aimed at Reo’s corpse, but he can’t seem to move. It’s almost as if he’s been stunned, frozen in place with frostbite cementing his legs to the granite floors, and mouth encased in ice. He’s so overwhelmed that he can’t even open his mouth to give you a warning that there’s something moving behind you. Why can’t he speak? He needs to tell you! However, right when his teeth quiet their jitter, you’re tackled to the ground with a loud pummel.

Immediately, gunshots ring out in the grand hall. You’re firing in every direction in an attempt to blast off your opponent, but this zombie is particularly agile and you don’t have much room to move with your large shotgun…looking back in retrospect, giving Nagi your only handgun wasn’t the greatest idea.

“C’mon!” Repeatedly, you call out to him, but he remains paralyzed in fear. “Stop being useless!”

He watches as you struggle to wrestle off the infected woman, grunting and groaning with every punch you deal to its face. The skin on her cheeks is almost a greyish shade, discolored and decaying with a potent smell that burns his nostrils. It’s hard to tell who’s who under the blanket of shadows she’s trapped you under, but occasionally he catches a glimpse of golden eyes that tell him the zombie is still alive.

Somehow, with your almost supernatural raw strength, you’re able to hook your thighs around the zombie’s neck— pinning it down to the pearly floors and trapping it beneath your weight. It claws and cries out, desperately trying to escape your grasp, and Nagi almost feels bad for it. Just a few hours ago, this woman had a life. A real life that she likely looked forward to living every day; and now she’s nothing but a brainless carnivore with cannibalistic intentions. She could’ve been a mother. There could be a little boy out there missing her and waiting for her to come home, tell him that he’s safe, and that everything is going to be alright. When was the last time Nagi talked to his own mother? Why does he deserve to live and this woman doesn’t? Why is he so special that he was saved, while the rest of Tokyo was left to rot?

It isn’t fair.

None of it is fair.

He doesn’t deserve to live. He doesn’t deserve to be here.

He’s taken his life for granted from the moment he learned to walk. Why should you be wasting your time trying to get him to safety when he’s nothing more than absolutely useless? He needs to help.

He needs to be brave…

…but he misses his chance once more.

Letting out a wailing scream, you muster up enough energy to crush the woman’s head between your thighs, and Nagi is splattered with blood and guts. He doesn’t know how you’re so strong— it’s almost eerie in a way— but he’s more concerned with the state of your well-being. The look of exhaustion in your eyes acts as a glaring sun against his icy posture, and his feet are thawed from the floor, rushing towards you in mere seconds.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he kneels on the ground before you and cups your face closely, “Hey— hey, don’t close your eyes. I’m right here. Please stay awake.” Nagi doesn’t think his voice has ever been so gentle nor has he ever felt this kind of worry for a girl before. Sure, he hasn’t known you for long, but he knows he can’t go on without you. You’re a team and a team sticks together. You can’t die right here! He’s not going to allow that!— but before he can lift you up like the knight in shining armour he wishes he could be, there’s a faint rustling behind him…a familiar rustling. Nagi knows that sound. He knows those movements. He’s heard them a million times and he’d be able to recognize them even in the midst of Shibuya Crossing in the busy hours.

Where did Reo’s body go?

Perhaps it dissolved or maybe it was kicked aside in the midst of your fight.

That has to be it, right? Where else could he be?

Nagi’s confusion is understandable. He’s thinking rationally given the circumstances and his heartbeat is somewhat steady. The mass of his body hovers over yours in a protective stance, like a dragon guarding a princess, and for once he appears to be confident. However, that confidence has been set aflame. He can feel his blood racing, burning through his veins in fear and distress, and he wishes he could simply rip his vitals from his skin to destroy the wretched emotions. The sight before him is something out of a horror movie…a horror movie where Nagi is the main character.

“Oh fuck.”

Reo leaps out of the shadows before Nagi can even react.

There’s a blur of hands and feet, hitting and kicking at each other, and the snow haired boy never knew he was this agile. Reo is clearly doing his best to hit Nagi’s vital arteries; to which he’s blocking each attack with his forearms. This is chaos. He doesn't even have a second to think for himself and consider the possibility of blasting Reo’s head off with his handgun. He can’t do that…this is his best friend!

As Nagi’s leg lines up to knock him off his feet, Reo lunges down and grabs a hold of it. In a panic, he attempts to shake his friend off— wiggling his leg up and down whilst reaching for his combat knife in his back pocket— and slices the skin in between Reo’s forearm and bicep…which is ultimately ineffective. Oh, shit he just got angrier! Growling, zombie-fied Reo clasps his hands around Nagi’s waist, lifting him off the ground with ease and throwing him into the elevator doors. The sound of his body slamming against the metal slab rings out, echoing in the grand foyer and deafening Nagi’s left ear. His breathing is heavy and he feels like he can’t get a single ounce of air in his lungs. Everything seems to be blurry, foggy with mist covering his irises as he attempts to see what’s right in front of him.

A carnivorous Reo…

…and an unconscious you.

It’s clear to him what’s going on. There are two outcomes to this horrific situation and whatever decision Nagi makes is going to impact the rest of his life.

1.) Let you go and join the afterlife with his best friend.

2.) Save you and never see his best friend again.

His heart is at war within himself. One side fighting for Reo, the boy he’s known for so long. The boy he’s laughed and cried with. The boy who knows everything about him. The boy who believed in him when no one else did…until you came along.

Just the thought of seeing your lifeless eyes, bloodied body, and severed limbs flips a switch inside him— and Nagi finally comes to realize what’s happening. This isn’t Reo. This shell of a man with a monstrous hunger isn’t his best friend. Reo is a ghost now. He doesn’t exist anymore and now his body is being possessed by the undead, or whatever zombies are. He can miss his friend all he wants, but that doesn’t change the fact that the thing creeping towards you is nothing but a stranger who knows all of Nagi’s secrets.

It’s time for him to fight to live.

As he swiftly stands and tackles Reo to the floor, a wave of memories flash before Nagi’s eyes.

The moment he first heard Reo’s voice. It was light and friendly. He had used a tone that Nagi hadn’t ever heard before, and although he had no interest in playing soccer, he still wanted to impress the popular boy— not because he wanted a higher status or a girlfriend, but because he knew this stranger needed a friend…and he really needed a friend, too.

His palms grip Reo’s throat, ripping him off of your body.

The first time Reo laughed at something he said. It wasn’t intended to be funny, but the plum-haired boy couldn’t help but burst into a fit of giggles and Nagi found himself laughing as well. Sitting in the school courtyard, side-by-side with crumbling onigiri falling from their mouths, there’s no doubt that they looked like two elementary schoolers finding humor in something obscurely immature— but despite that, it’s one of his fondest memories.

Reo struggles against Nagi’s weight, pinned to the floor with nowhere to run.

When he’d first shown him his concerningly large collection of video games, Reo hadn’t batted an eye. In fact, the very next day, Nagi received a friend request from him. Which seemed like a small act at the time, until he found out that Reo had gone to the tech store and purchased an entire PC set up just so he could be the Player 2 to Nagi’s Player 1. They were partners in both the real and virtual world— an unstoppable pair that won more tournaments as time went on— and Nagi will never clean out his xbox inventory filled with their trophies.

His finger grazes the trigger.

This is it.

No more memories.

It’s time to say goodbye.

In movies, when the protagonist has to kill their loved one, a single tear rolls down their cheek.

For Nagi, his face drowns in his cries.

“I’m sorry.”

He’s gone.

“I love you.”

Reo’s body dissolves into ash…

…then dust…

…then nothing.

“I’m so sorry.”

PART TWO COMING IN THE NEAR FUTURE (i’m a slow writer pls forgive me)

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