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santalsaburablog · 4 years ago

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Adventures of Santal. Chapter 3. This is not a dream!

Humility is the only defense against humiliation.

Kidnapping! Due to his curiosity, Santal Shan is trapped on the ship of the hitman Cad Bane, responsible for the death of her parents. Now the villain, seeking to cash in on a three-year-old girl, decides to go to the planet Tatooine in order to sell a possible youngling to the one who pays the most. Will the baby be able to escape from captivity? Or will the story end before it begins?

Santal woke up in a dark room on an old couch. My head ached a little. The girl sighed and sat up.

What happened to her? How did she get here? The events of the crazy night immediately began to spin in my memory: two white lights, a blue one in a hat, a man in a hood, a conversation, she was grabbed ... Then she pushed the man when he said that he wanted to give her somewhere. But how?! Where does this power come from? How did she do it?

Most importantly, is she on the couch now? She was in another place. Why was it moved? And why is there some kind of red liquid on the finger?

Reflections were interrupted by a sound very similar to ... steps! Santal quickly lay back on her left side and closed her eyes. As if sleeping. Door opened. The girl's soul sank into her heels with fear. Santal froze and closed her eyes tightly. She began to wait. Yesterday's man - who else? - went very close to the baby and gently shook her shoulder.

- Get up, little girl.

Cad Bane was in the best of spirits. He successfully completed the order and received a reward. Everything as usual. Nothing special. When you are one of the most successful mercenaries and you are constantly lucky, and things are arguing, you get used to it. And you are not very happy about success. You think it turned out the way it should have turned out. No options. But not at this time.

Even when communicating with the customer, the duros felt that someone was watching him. On the ship, I noticed that something was wrong with the cloak. And when the client turned his back, he looked closely - there was another pair of legs under the cloak. Outsiders. You have to be a complete fool to decide that the other person has two pairs of legs. They are different.

Interestingly, if you look from afar, it seems as if the cloak is fluttering in the wind. But there was no wind. There were little legs. And, as it turned out later, belonged to a little girl. Cad, guided by the eye, gave her three to four years. Not more. The face is pretty cute. Albeit ordinary, but very pretty. I just wanted to pat on the cheek. And in the end he could not resist. It is immediately clear that the baby will become beautiful when she grows up.

But appearances are often deceiving. And the Duros knew it very well. So, when dragging the child to the ship, he was careful. Suddenly this child is not a child, but clowd, for example. Or just sent to spy for a fee. Or maybe not. The hunter remembered how the little bastard tried to bite him. It is clear that the girl has character. And, judging by the behavior, absolutely does not pretend. A real child.

Duros, however, decided to double-check for his own peace of mind. Rechecked. Indeed, a three-year-old human girl. Blood confirms.

Although I thought at first that this was not necessary. Well, seriously, it doesn't smell like pretense. It is impossible to pretend to be like that. It's played too well. If a spy, then clearly a professional. Dressed in a nightgown and simple shoes. Nothing special. Most likely, she is a homeless girl or just loves to walk at night.

Another person would question the child and take him home. Or just drove away, at worst. But Duros was not. He didn't need witnesses. Even so small and innocent. None. And you can't help leaving traces. This he learned a long time ago.

Basically, Kad had two ideas. The first is to sell the child into slavery to the one who pays the most. The second is to demand a ransom from the parents. Not small. If they care about their daughter, they will fork out. If not, you can easily throw it into space or sell it again. Based on reflections, the duros settled on the most optimal option - a sale on Tatooine, Nal Hatta, Nar Shaddaa. Someone will definitely pay.

Thinking about the enrichment to come, Kad's mood improved as much as possible. The corners of the lips pulled up. Having reached the right door, he opened it and saw that the girl was still asleep. Sitting carefully on the edge, the hunter began to shake gently.

- Get up, little girl.

Santal tried not to react to rudeness or touch. Not that it was unpleasant.

There was a sudden click. The girl jumped up, turning at the sound. The man was holding in his right hand some strange thing called a blaster. Of course, Santal did not know that this thing was called that. But some sixth sense told her that she might be dangerous. On the other hand, Santal really wanted to hold this thing in his hands. Disassemble. But I was afraid to ask. Suddenly it won't.

- Finally. I was going to wake you up in a different way. Blue-skinned slightly turned the thing and somehow secured it to his thigh.

- Take what you want! Just don't hit me! Sorry! - cried the girl, frightened to death.

- For what? - answered the man, genuinely surprised. “You’re not the first one to bite me. Although you're right, you better not rock the boat again.

- Well no! Although yes, but ... Sorry to push.

The Duros was even more surprised at this. Santal thought his brow ridges had risen.

- When did you push me? You tried to bite my hand a couple of times. And then she fell asleep.

- True? - Santal asked, completely not believing in what was said.

- Looks like I'm joking?

The girl scrolled the information slowly in her head. So she dreamed everything?

- So it was a dream?

The man only nodded in response. Santal breathed a sigh of relief. However, the joy quickly faded away. She suddenly remembered that the stranger wanted to "give her" somewhere. Or whatever. So I decided to start the same song again.

- Please bring me home! Return! Let go! I will not tell anyone! Santal went as far as trying to make her eyebrows a house. I thought it would.

But no. The uncle did not even take an absent ear.

- I already explained. You spied on me. I don't like that. And further, further, further ...

Cad had no desire to chew on his principles a second time to some girl. Anyway, he is not obliged to explain the victim's motives! You are the one to blame! There is no need to walk at night!

On the other hand, it does the right thing. Help one Duros cash in. Ordinary girl or not. No difference. He immediately remembered the test: he carefully pricked his finger and recognized the color of the blood. That's all. Unfortunately, Bane did not have the equipment to make more accurate analyzes. There was no need to buy. As luck would have it! Well, okay. He will earn as much as he can. Spit. There will be many more orders and generous fees in his life.

Duros walked out the door, not paying the slightest attention to the pleading and crying of the little child.

Santal wept a little more, and then went to the door. And yet this is not a dream! The push is a dream, and everything else is not! And why did she just go? I would be at home now. Warm. With my aunt and uncle. And now ... she doesn't know what awaits her! She will be brought to it is not clear where, and then everyone. The end. She will never see her home again! The girl from such thoughts became unbearable to sit locked in four walls. Ah, if she could just be outside for a start!

At that moment, a slight electrical impulse passed through the girl's right hand, with which she touched the cold metal. Door opened. As if someone from above heard Santal and fulfilled her request. The girl was delighted and left. Turned left. She decided to first examine everything around and understand what and how. And where is the exit.

Having no other ideas, Santal began to enter every room. And what can we say, she really liked the excursion, despite the fact that she herself was a guide. But there were also disadvantages. Some rooms were closed. And those that turned out to be discovered contained many amazing things, the names of most of which she did not know. It’s no one's fault that they didn’t tell her anything about all this. Neither aunt, nor uncle, nobody.

There was nothing special in the first room next door. Some boxes. In the second it was already more interesting and incomprehensible. It was a very large room. An entire armory. If one of the adults looked in there, he would have decided that the ship belongs to a war veteran, or a spy, or a hunter. In the latter case, he would be right. Blaster rifles, pistols, heavy artillery and other weapons. And most importantly, everything is arranged in a certain order. No mess. Nothing extra.

Then Santal found herself either in the dining room or in the kitchen. At this moment, the stomach rumbled. Santal remembered that she had not eaten anything since the evening, and decided to look for at least something edible. A can on a table came into view. The girl remembered how the stranger opened and drank from it.

- What if I have a drink too? Santal said to herself. - Why not? Uncle drank. It will work for him, will do for me. But the smell is awful. Well, okay. Maybe it tastes better. At least I won't die of hunger.

Another reason for the girl's determination was that her aunt often fed her mushrooms, mold and ricrit meat. Not everyone likes this kind of food. But not the Rylotyanka. Although Santal was not a Twi'lek, she lived on Ryloth from early childhood and managed to get used to the way of life there. Namely, the climate, food and some customs.

The girl climbed up on a chair, reached for the can and drank a little. Well, disgusting! Santal grimaced and gently spat it back into the jar. The horror is simple! Impossible to drink! As soon as the uncle himself did not choke! Maybe I'm used to it? HM interesting.

Perhaps repeated use will reduce the effect? It got much worse. The smell is awful. The taste is bitter. The foam is thick, white. Discomfort in the throat and abdomen. This she had not expected, as well as the next problem.

Nausea began. Santal was already worried, covering her mouth with her hand. It will be good if it gets dirty floor. Most of all, she was afraid that the stranger would hit her. Or worse, she'll never see the family. Despite her difference from her uncle and aunt, she still loved them and considered them close.

Suddenly a thought flashed through the girl's mind. Restroom! There must be a toilet somewhere nearby! But how do you find it? Itself will search for a long time - it is clear as day. But my uncle probably knows. But the question is - where is he? In the end, everything goes to one. She does not want to be seen by a stranger, and she will not be able to escape quietly. At the moment, he can or should help her.

There was the sound of a door opening. The girl shuddered. Everything inside went cold. Santal turned around and calmed down. Desires are able to be embodied in reality, who would have thought.

- You?! How did you end up here ?! - Uncle looked so menacingly that the girl almost had incontinence.

“The door was open,” Santal replied, seriously frightened and even forgetting where she needed to go. True, for a second. The nausea started to get worse. Two main thoughts prevailed in Santal's head: she was sick and afraid that her uncle would do something terrible to her. But a moment later, a third, saving thought appeared. Santal needs to somehow distract him from his plans for her. The girl put her legs together and began to dance.

-What are you doing? “Duros didn’t know what it was at first, but he did it quickly. The pose is too obvious. But this does not mean that he does not know the answer to the question asked.

Bane already had some guesses to check. But not right now. First, you need to take the child to relieve himself. The man grabbed the girl across the body. It would be better if he didn't!

Santal felt her long fingers pressing against her stomach. In a few seconds, the hunter's entire face was in vomit. I even got a little hit on my chest. For about two minutes, maybe more, the duros frowned at the girl, who could not stand the ridiculous appearance of the stranger and laughed.

- Very funny. Duros expressed his opinion of what had happened in a dry voice.

- Uncle, you are so funny! - the girl explained through laughter.

At that moment, Cad noticed that the can of beer - and there it was - was not the same as he had left it. Here, in his place, anyone would add two and two. Almost.

- Did you drink? - The man put Santal on the floor and, taking out a towel, began to dry himself.

- Quite a bit. I've been very h-h-h-hungry all the time. And you too d-d-drank I thought it meant that I, too, could, ”the girl answered in a trembling voice. Duros, upon hearing this explanation, wanted to put his hand to his face. What an idiot!

- You're an idiot! The words burst out before he realized what he had said aloud. - If you really are a child ... First you go for a walk at night, although you should sleep. You overhear other people's conversations, as if you do not know that you cannot behave this way. And now I drank the liquid left on the table. Don't your parents teach you anything?

Santal has never felt as bad as she does now. Not only because she was scolded by a stranger. In her opinion, he had no right to do so! She also felt like a knife had been stabbed into her. Uncle, without knowing it, touched her most sore spot.

- I do not have parents. They were killed by hunters. That's what my aunt says. But I do not believe. - Tears began to form in the girl's eyes. She wanted to add that they were Jedi, but she remembered that her aunt had strictly ordered not to tell anyone about it. - And generally speaking! Cried Santal with such fervor, as if she thought that the stranger did not hear her. Immediately lowered her voice: - I could not sleep, and then I saw white lights. I decided to see what it was, then I saw you. I wanted to inspect the place where you came from. I am by accident. I wanted to know everything. Forgive my curiosity.

Santal again tried to build an angelic face. She even got into a characteristic pose. But no! Duros cannot be penetrated by that.

“They were the headlights of my ship. Got it? Okay, that's it. We are already approaching Tatooine. Someone will buy you for sure.

Hearing the familiar word, Santal clung to the man's leg.

“Don’t go to Tatooine! My aunt told me that giant evil slugs live there. They'll eat me! - begged the girl. - Lick and eat!

- Nobody asks you! And in general, you had to think before! Clear?

Hearing about the orphanhood of the child, the duros felt like a needle pricked in the chest area. Looking at the girl, Bane thought, “Pretty. Simple and naive so much that I even feel sorry for this silly thing. One can only envy and wish that it stayed so long. Then he will enrich someone else.

And then he shook himself from thinking. Until that day, in his entire career, the hunter had never allowed himself such ridiculous sentimental thoughts. Except for the last one. So, what is he? Still young, and already beginning to lose his grip ?! Well no! Will not work! Some little Ryloth to pity him! It is not permissible for someone like him to be soft, so you need to make some bloody order to keep your mind clear.

In general, in general, Duros Santal for all the time managed to get tired of the order with her curiosity and plaintive squeak. Endless “Please! Take me home! Let go! " still rang in my head. The man sighed. The sooner he gets rid of the splinter and gets the money, the better. She wanted to see the lights. No wonder they say: "A curious creature in the market was torn off its head."

Cad landed the ship near one of the Hutts. To prevent the girl from escaping, the man grabbed her by the collar and carried her to the outskirts of the city.

Santal, afraid that something terrible would happen to her again, hung at first at attention. She pretended to submit to her unenviable fate. But after about half an hour she began to rock the boat. Stronger and stronger every two minutes. I

n the end, Bane got tired of it, and he grabbed the child around the torso, hugging him to him. And in vain. After all, when Santal tasted the beer for the second time, she took too long a sip. So, the girl vomited a second time. Only much less.

As a result, the man simply held the child's hand. And everything would have been nothing, only Santal separated from the stranger, as soon as they got into the crowd. When the girl woke up, she saw that she was standing all alone. The man in the hat was nowhere to be seen. There are only strangers around. How many different faces. The girl was scared in earnest. His eyes flickered in the hope that the man noticed Santal's absence and was looking for her, calling. Santal caught herself immediately. He doesn't know her name! What a fool! You should at least give a name! Tears streamed down my cheeks. Covering her face with her hands, the girl ran into some gateway and hid in a corner.

The situation was truly dire. On Tatooine, in one of his cities, in a back street, under the bright scorching suns, sat a little three-year-old girl, absolutely nothing. She had nowhere to go. She was even ready for her aunt to appear and scold around the clock. Why, she was ready to listen to moral teachings for eternity, just to return home. But it was impossible to carry out the baby's plan. There was only one thing left - to disappear!

Bane did not immediately notice the absence of the child. But, as soon as he discovered the loss, cursing everyone and everything, he began to search, while imagining that the piglet was sitting somewhere and crying. In his opinion, all children are like that.

The man remembered that he did not know the girl's name. However, I was not particularly upset. You can simply describe it and they will tell you whether you saw it or not.

The comlink suddenly rang. This was a new customer - the head of the Rations Syndicate.

“Cad Bane, I need your services.

- I'm listening.

The man listened to the video message and went to a meeting with the customer, as he needed details and some necessary things to complete the task. And the hunter forgot to think about the girl in a minute. I got away with it, so be it. All the same, one will not survive, and the information she heard will die with her.

And Santal, having cried a lot, went to wander aimlessly. The walk was hard, in part because my stomach ached so badly from hunger. She had no money, and she did not know yet that in order to eat she had to pay. Therefore, I was very surprised when, by a happy coincidence, hitting the market, I heard a request for eight loans. Frightened by the unknown word, Santal gave a streak. Moreover, she received a portion of abuse in the back.

Therefore, the girl came up with another way: carefully grab one piece of something edible on the counter and run until they noticed. It seemed like a wonderful idea to her. Firstly, her aunt never explained to her that she shouldn't do that. And secondly, she was hungry!

By evening, after practicing, the girl was able to eat a few fruits and something else tasty. Silenok increased, and it was possible to get out. When it got colder, Santal saw several cars, somewhat similar to the one in which she was brought here. Having walked around the place twice, she did not see a single representative of her homeland. Therefore, she chose a ship at random, in her opinion, more beautiful than others. The door was open, and two green-skinned creatures with unusual eyes and lips with a tube walked back and forth through it. One brought in the boxes, and the other - with blue pigmentation - pointed his finger at a rectangular thin piece.

Realizing that this was her chance, Santal imperceptibly buried herself in a box and fell silent. They lifted the box and carried it inside. As soon as it became clear that the ship had taken off, the girl calmed down. She will return home! If not immediately, but in the end it will get to Ryloth, no matter how long it takes! She swears it! Or is she not Santal Sabura!

Only by clearly pronouncing this phrase to herself, the girl realized how proud it sounds! She would have screamed the name out loud, but she remembered where she was and bit her tongue in time. The girl was glad for another reason. It was not sold. She ran away from the bad guy. It was only then that she remembered that she didn’t know his name either. And she herself did not say the name, and at uncle did not ask. She fled from Tatooine without being caught by the scary evil slugs. Aunt would be proud.

Santal Sabura didn’t notice as she dozed off.

#cad bane #cad bane x oc

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rinflarrworqui1977-blog · 6 years ago

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sarah-bae-maas · 7 years ago

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A Court of Hearts and Darkness Chapter Thirty One

It’s been over a century since the epic and bloody war against Hybern, but a new, unprecedented horror lies in wait to threaten everything the Inner Circle holds dear.

At a mere 17, it seems that the only one who can save them is the Heir to the Night Court, Feyre and Rhysand’s daughter Eleana, but as a creature so vile promises to kill everyone she loves, she must combat the urge to succumb to the darkness herself. The key to success lies hidden within her mate, the bastard born Kaden, who is as oblivious to the bond as her Court is oblivious to the war on the horizon.

With the help of her cousin and warrior Felix, the son of the famed Nesta and Cassian, they will try to save everything they hold dear, hopefully before the darkness takes them all.

(This fic was written pre-acowar, so please bear in mind there are some small differences but it can still hopefully be enjoyed!)

Link on Ao3 Masterlist

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

***

-Chapter 31-

“How can this be?” Feyre was clinging to him so tightly it was a struggle to breathe, but he didn’t mind. Felix loved affection from anyone, but especially his family.

He may be a warrior, a brute in some people’s eyes, and although now he had the scars to match he was still the quite soft. His softness and his fierceness complemented each other well, and Felix hoped his sisters would grow to be the same – protective of themselves, but still open to love in its many forms.

“It’s a miracle,” Azriel said.

“Truly.” She stepped back, laying a hand on his cheek. “And I know it’s you – your mind is wholly yours and exactly as it has always been.”

“Where are my parents? My sisters?”

“They’ve returned to Velaris. I’ll summon them to the House of Wind now-”

“No, no. Just ask them to go to our family home. Please.”

Feyre nodded, her eyes crinkling from joy and her smile wide. “I’ll make sure you can get inside. I’m just so shocked, and happy, and when we get Eleana back she’s going to be thrilled. She’s missed you so much.”

After another hug, Feyre winnowed them all to Felix’s childhood home. Felix would have done it himself, but since waking from the Other Side he didn’t completely trust his magic. So far, it felt and moved with him the way it had before, but how could he know how his death would affect it?

When Azriel put his hand on his shoulder as they walked up the garden path, he sighed in relief. He needed the comfort.

The first night, when he had awoken in darkness, he had screamed himself hoarse. It had taken all his strength to crawl towards a source of light, and all it had been was docks in the distance. He wasn’t near Velaris, he had no idea where he was, and as he felt the blackness consuming him he quivered and cried.

Not his finest moment.

He had yet to shake the feeling that came over him every time he was somewhere enclosed or dark. That cell had been a nightmare, and it was Kaden’s presence that soothed him enough to be coherent. If Azriel had left him down there much longer on his own, he might’ve become so feral he put the creatures to shame. He still willingly let Az put him there though, he needed to seem trusting, needed to convince his family he was who he said.

If the roles had been reversed, Felix would have killed himself on site rather than risking the safety of his family any longer.

Speaking of his family, he needed more details on his cousin and to what exactly her predicament was. He would happily blaze himself into an inferno of nothing once more if it meant saving her.

They entered the house and Felix quickly rushed upstairs to get a change of clothes. He would scare his poor mother to death if she saw him in this state.

When he came downstairs again – he also decided to quickly bathe, the smell on him would make even the creatures cringe – he heard the voices of his parents in the lounge.

Their words weren’t distinguishable, but Nesta seemed to be a bit hysterical, her tone high and scratchy in a way he’d never heard it. His father’s voice was low, and he often skipped a breath.

They had their backs to him as he entered the room, and the slight creak of the floorboards as he walked was what made them turn. Felix didn’t know what Azriel and Feyre had told them, but their reactions made him think absolutely nothing.

They both stilled, their bodies as rigid as statues.

His mother was the first to move, her mouth opened and closed as she looked at him, and she shook her head in disbelief. She took one tentative step forward, and then leant back into Cassian. Her eyes were flitting up and down him, taking in every inch of his alive body. She half-stretched out her hand, her bruised fingers shaking like a fallen leaf in the wind. It was the opposite of his father, who’s only movements were that of his hands as he held Nesta by the waist, keeping the woman afloat.

They stared at one another – Felix not daring to utter a word or make a move toward them.

Felix believed they may have stood there for hours just looking at each other if it had not been for his sister trapesing around the room absentmindedly, skipping to her heart’s desire. She hadn’t noticed him, not yet.

The first thought that entered his head at the sight of her was that it was far past her bedtime.

The sudden silence in the room prodded her to approach her parents, and when she saw Felix standing there – tall and strong and secure as he had ever been – a smile as bright as the sun in the Summer Court spread across her face.

“Lis!” she gasped, her tiny legs working to run as fast towards him as she could.

The breath was knocked out of him from her words. He knelt to meet her, arms wide open, letting her crash into him. He lifted her, giving her a kiss on both her cheeks as she asked where he had been. He apologized profusely, and as he said to her, “I had to leave for a bit, but I’m back now, and I’m here to stay,” he looked over her head and into the eyes of his mother and father.

She accepted his apology and started chattering away, telling her all about the things she had done and seen while he’d been gone. He was half-listening, and although he felt guilt at that he was too distracted by his unmoving parents.

He’d thought… He’d thought that they would be happy to see him, that they would be grieving him.

But from the looks of them he wasn’t sure they wanted him back.

“Feyre would you mind taking Quathryn and Thea upstairs, please?” Cassian asked. Feyre nodded, taking Quathryn from Felix’s arms much to the disdain of both siblings. Azriel followed behind her with the baby, and then they were alone.

His mother’s whole body was heaving with the effort it took her to breath, and the three steps it took for her to stand in front felt like a mile and looked like it took every ounce of energy still in her.

Her face, so cold, crumpled as a sob wrecked through her. “My baby boy,” she cried as she crushed her arms around his neck, holding him so tight it was like she was trying to forge him to her.

He slumped in relief, hugging her back just as tightly. He didn’t care how old he was, he needed a hug from his mother.

“I was worried you wouldn’t ever move,” Felix laughed quietly.

“All hope I’d had was torn away from me. My lovely, tiny child, you’re home now. You’re home.” She kept muttering you’re hometo him, all the while his father staring at the two.

Felix looked away from her, staring down his father. Felix didn’t speak – waiting for him to. Felix felt like he had done enough talking today, enough explaining, and right now he just needed the support of the people who were always supposed to provide it.

“You’re here?” Cassian said.

“Yes,” Felix whispered in return.

“There are so many things that I wanted to say to you – needed to. Assurances, about how much I love you my son, and how essential you are to this family, essential to me, of how incredibly proud I am of you. I hated myself for not telling you more often, for letting you think that you were alone or that I didn’t love you more than anything else. You are one of the four greatest things ever brought into this world, and I feel honoured to be your father. Shocked, even, that I sired someone so fantastic. There are so many things I needed to say to you, but for the life of me I can barely think of anything.”

Felix’s eyes burned at the words – ones his father may have needed to say, and ones he may have needed to hear.

Cassian approached them, wrapping his arms around both Felix and Nesta, the three silently but very happily crying.

_____

“Rhys?”

“Yes, Feyre darling?”

“Would you really do it?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be by your side, and hers, when it has to be done.”

_____

“You came back from the dead and yet you still feel the need to bake us snacks?” Kaden was seated on the table, watching Felix as he prepared food for the family. He would help, but right now was also a thinking time for Felix, and Kaden trying to help would have just been a nuisance – not that Felix would ever say that.

Felix scoffed. “I can’t, nay, I refuseto have an official meeting unless there are at least three edible treats in the room.”

Kaden had caught his brother up on the things that had transpired since his death, an unusual concept indeed, and now Felix was stewing as he tried to understand everything that had happened. It had taken all night – even Nesta and Cassian had finally slept after the promises that Felix would stay in the house and be there when they awoke – and now that the sun had risen they were once again gathering to plan.

“Felix,” Kaden said quietly, “do you really think High Lord Rhysand will kill Eleana? I don’t think I could stop him if he tried. I don’t think anyone could.”

Felix finished scooping the cake mixture into its tin. He handed Kaden the spoon and mixing bowl, a little bit of raw batter left for Kaden to eat.

“I’ve thought this one over.” He placed the cake in the oven, moving onto his next project. “I do think he’d kill her.”

Kaden gaped at his fears being confirmed.

“But not like that.” Felix flicked him on the nose to change his expression. “I know Rhys, he’s like a second father to me, and when he says that he’ll kill her he means if there’s literally no other solution. If there’s no way to save her.”

“We have to think of a way.”

“Already have, your faith in me is so little nowadays. Anyway-”

“Not anyway, go back to the solution!”

“All in due time. As I was saying before you rudely interrupted, I think the reason Rhys would want it to be him is not because he wants her dead, not in any way shape or form, but because if she does have to go, which she won’t, it should be at the hands of someone she loves. It’s a scary thing, to be faced with death, but it’s easier if you have a loving figure at your side holding your hand, making you feel safe. I think Rhys wants to be that for her. Like how you were for me.”

“But we didn’t have a choice.”

“In a way Eleana doesn’t either. If you were where she was, and you had no control and were killing people by the thousands, what would you want?”

Kaden mulled over his words, his sombre mood at complete odds with the warm, welcoming scents of the kitchen.

He stayed with Felix while he baked, people coming in and out to see him as he whisked around the kitchen. His reunion with Mor was an especially teary one, and she clutched both Felix and Kaden to her as she wept tears of joy. It was a funny sight, the slight fae wedged between two massive Illyrians as she referred to them as boys – as Little Ones.

Quathryn came in too, still in her pyjamas and bleary eyed, and snuggled with Kaden while they watched Felix. It was good, as it meant they both got to be his taste testers for the morning.

When Amren entered the room to see her nephew, Kaden left.

It seemed their meetings had relocated from the House of Wind to the Nesta and Cassian’s home for the time being, and everyone gathered in the lounge room, chairs being pulled from bedrooms and studies to fit everyone.

The only people not seated were Cassian and Felix. The General had come to a realisation as he watched Felix holding Theodosia that Felix had never seen her swim – whatever the hell that meant.

So now the two near-identical males were sprawled on their stomachs in front of the baby, and as she lifted her arms and head off the floor Cassian went, “Swim swim swim swim swim swim swim,” and mimicked her movements, making her smile and lift her arms and legs up just like if she was swimming.

It was hands down one of the sweetest things Kaden had ever seen. Without thinking about it, he sent it to Eleana down the daemati bond she had so long ago established between them with a message that she just had to see this.

He was met with the same impenetrable wall he’d gotten every time he’d tried to contact her.

No one noticed when after that, Kaden got up and politely excused himself. He walked to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He all but glanced in the mirror before he was throwing up in the basin.

_____

Felix read over the court reports as the room watched him. He wasn’t studying the way they attacked or analysing battle patterns, no, he was pouring over any and every description of Eleana.

He hummed and ahhed to himself, finally handing the papers to Kaden.

“Just as I thought,” he told his family.

“Do you care to elaborate?” Kaden was still waiting on the solution Felix claimed to have to have.

“I think we’re right in assuming that no daemati will be able to overpower this queen, but I don’t think we need one. Eleana is definitely still in there, and I think we have a way of bringing her back while also destroying the thing inside her.”

“How can you be sure she’s still in there?” Nesta asked, hanging onto every word her son said. “I have all faith that there’s a way to bring her back, but I would like to hear what makes you believe, having not seen her yourself, that she’s still in there.”

“Because it wanted Eleana for her magic, correct? But Eleana’s magic isn’t connected to her body, it’s connected to her soul. It isher, a part of her so intrinsic you could no less cut it out then cut out her heart. She’s in there alright, she’s just not in control.”

“But what do we do? If you think no daemati can help, an opinion I’ve heard a lot lately, then what can we do for her?” Morrigan asked.

“The answer is simple, we need to separate Eleana’s soul from the queen, expel the creature from her body, and then kill it.”

“It’s a good idea, but there is nothing simple about it. Tearing two souls from one another… how could that possibly be done?”

“Magic, of course. A magic user whose innate ability has always been the manipulation of souls. Whether it be finding them, reading them…” Felix turned his head and peered at Kaden.

The whole room followed his gaze, and soon every person in it had their eyes glued to the blonde male. They all looked between him and Felix in confused, including Kaden himself. He was the one Felix was implying could save Eleana, and yet he had no idea what thought was actually running through his best friend’s mind.

“Felix… that’s not something I can do. Seeing the Other Side, tracking people, it’s not at all like what you’re suggesting. I can’t just – just move souls around.”

“Yes, you can. I know it for a fact.” Felix stood and walked over to his father who had Thea in his lap. Felix picked the baby out of his arms, kissing her on the nose and holding her gently against him. “I know you can do it, because it’s what you did for Theodosia. You saved my sister’s life, and now you’ll save Eleana’s.”

Feyre gasped, standing and making her way next to Felix, looking down at the sitting Kaden. Her feet, once dragging along the carpet, had a hopeful skip in them, and the way she loomed over Kaden with her hands in fists in front of her made him lean back as much as he could.

“You can do this,” she said.

“No, I can’t,” Kaden sputtered. “What I did for Thea is completely different-”

“No, it’s not! Don’t you see? You saw her soul leaving to the other side, and you put it back in her body. You brought her back to life. What was the prophecy that Elain had been spouting all day? Gold will meld the soul to the body, or something like that. And remember what she had spat at you in those gardens? You are a veilsinger, and if you can separate the soul then you can also put it back. Elain isn’t an all-knowing force, and the majority of the time she doesn’t even know what she’s saying means, but damn it Kaden can’t you see?”

“No, I can’t. You’re right, I did bring Thea back and it was the most amazing thing my magic has ever done, but that doesn’t mean I can just go around tearing souls from their bodies!”

“Remember what she said though! If you can separate the soul, you can put it back! This thing always wanted Eleana, and the only person who will ever be able to save her is a veilsinger. And you, Kaden, are the only living veilsinger.”

“That could just be referring to the fact that I am very much capable of inflicting death, and that’s the only way I’ve seen souls detached. I don’t see them when people are still alive.” Kaden stood, pleading with his friend, overwhelmed by what he was suggesting.

“But you do. Every time you use your magic, you track their souls. You seetheir souls.”

The two half-Illyrians stood facing each other, Kaden shaking with an emotion he couldn’t name and Felix breathing heavily.

At a stalemate, Felix stepped forward. Surprisingly, he put Thea into Kaden’s arms, patting both of their heads.

The room was silent, everyone processing what Felix had suggested in their own ways. High Lord Rhysand had come behind Feyre, his hands resting on her waist, a small smile on his face as he came to see the truth in his nephew’s words. Cassian and Nesta were holding hands, their pride for their clever son clear on both of them. Amren stood in the corner, surly as always, but looking at Kaden not with apprehension, but maybe with a little appreciation. Not for who he was, but for what he might be able to do. Azriel was sitting in an armchair with his ankle crossed over his knee, drumming his fingers in thought while his shadows, lighter than they had been in days, swirled and smoked around him. And Mor was stepping back and forth nearly imperceptibly, wanting to approach the two but letting them come to their own conclusions.

While no one was paying attention, Quathryn was having cake by the fist full, shovelling it into her mouth without a care.

“This isn’t something I can practise,” Kaden said, breathless. “If I get it wrong, it could kill her.”

Felix shook his head. “You can’t kill Eleana, not even if you tried.”

“What you’re suggesting could work, Felix,” Rhysand said. “And you’re right, Kaden couldn’t hurt her.”

“And the best part?” Felix spoke to the room, but he looked at Kaden, a knowing glint in his eyes. “She’s still in there, meaning she can’t hurt you either. You are the only one of us who that is true for. You can get to her, and you can bring her back to us.”

Kaden looked at the baby in his arms. She was old enough now that she could lift her head and look back, and she gave him the loveliest little toothless smile. Her arms flailed a bit, and as she knocked her hands against his chest Kaden knew that Felix’s idea might be the one to rescue Prythian from the clutches of a power-hungry beast.

There was one issue though.

“As much as I want this to work, I still can’t get close to her. Her defences, mental and physical, could be enough that I can’t get anywhere near Eleana’s body or soul. How would I confront her?”

Felix smirked devilishly. “Oh, my dear friend.” He clapped and rubbed his hands together. “Have you told me, word by word, exactly what the queen has said to you, done to you etcetera?”

“Yes…”

“Then you don’t need to worry about not being able to get close to her. I know females pretty well, and that one wants a piece of your hot bastard ass.”

Kaden rolled his eyes, and Cassian snorted so hard from the couch that he had to smother his subsequent laughs with his hands.

“Felix, you know I love your jokes but now isn’t the time for them-”

“He’s so right holy shit,” Cassian bellowed from the couch, slapping his knee and bending over as he snickered loudly.

He was still laughing when he got up and sauntered over to them, plucking Thea away from him and putting an arm around his shoulder. “Why else would this queen talk only to him? And we all know how suggestive she’s been.” Cassian smirked. “And now that she’s in the body of an Acheron woman? You’re basically irresistible.”

“What’s thatsupposed to mean?” Nesta balked.

“There’s something about all this,” Cassian pointed up and down Kaden’s body, “that makes you Archerons fall every Cauldron damned time.”

“That is not true,” Feyre scoffed.

“You don’t count, he’s your daughter’s – uh, thing. You haven’t known him outside the realm of Eleana. But Quathryn? He’s her best friend. Thea? I mean, just look at her.”

They all gathered curiously around the baby who was, quite bizarrely, staring at Kaden dreamily.

“Huh,” Feyre said.

“And Elain once told me that she thinks he’s one of the most attractive men she’s ever seen,” Cassian added.

“Bullshit,” Rhys said while smirking.

“I can confirm that one is true,” Azriel said quietly.

“And Nesta. Oh Mother, when she was pregnant? She-”

“Stop,” Nesta cut in, her mouth a thin line.

“And well we don’t need to talk about the effect he’s had on Eleana. If I did Rhys’ head might explode.”

“In summary, I’m a genius and this family could never function properly without me,” Felix finished. “Oh, and saving Eleana is entirely possible. All we need to do is find her.”

“This could go terribly wrong,” Kaden told him.

“Things have already gone terribly wrong, may as well roll with it.”

#acotar #acomad #acowar #acohad #acofas #a court of hearts and darkness #feysand #nessian #elucien #moriel #fanfic

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thesummerstorms · 6 years ago

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So I really, really love Dar/Etain inheriting a Nar Shaddaa safehouse from Mereel and getting the fuck out of Kal’s abusive mopeville hut Kyrimorut

but at the same time the thing I really, really love about Mandalorians is their extended family network and the way their clans are close knit to the point where “no child is ever an orphan”, etc, etc. Just generally, that extended family in your daily life supporting you thing. And even if they make new networks and contacts, I don’t want them to be isolated from their family forever.

In the old RP group we never did decide if there was ever a reunification of the clan after it splinters in Kal’s hands, but even if there isn’t I’ve been brainstorming different reasons for Omega + a few others to end up on Nar Shaddaa because I’m weak

(also, for those actively looking for an out, it actually becomes much easier for them once Etain and Dar are out and have a safe, secure, and secret foothold to regroup at somewhere else. so thanks to Mereel’s hypothetical corpse, I guess?)

anyway, some characters/reasoning beneath the cut, and if anyone has suggestions as to improving characterization, I’m always open. these are not my specialty characters. you know who my specialty characters are.

So starting off with the easiest:

Niner

Now don’t get me wrong, I feel like Niner, whose big key drives are loyalty and duty, is going to have an extremely difficult time leaving Kal behind. He might even be last. But I think his relationship with Dar post-IC (having basically held him together through a major break down) might be a factor, plus Atin and Vau, and other things, but that’s a separate post

Niner is probably the easiest for me to see ending up on Nar Shaddaa simply because he already has family there. We don’t really see him end up with specific plans for his life and he’s not firmly attached to anyone besides his brothers- but he wants to be where his brothers are.

And again, I kind of feel he has a special relationship with Dar post IC? He’d want to be with all his brothers if possible (and I’m about to come up with reasons for them to be there too), but I don’t think settling down in Dar’s spare room “as a stop gap” when he finally breaks down and follows the rest of Omega out is out of character. Then getting used to being in Kad and Dar’s lives again, being relied on. He may or may not stay in that extra room, but even if he isn’t I think he’d be near by? And tbh to me as someone ace the idea of being with someone closeknit platonically is really appealing though I don’t have that relationship with my own brothers.

Plus, he’s one I’d really like to see plugged into a larger Mandalorian framework, and since Manda’yaim is not an option, seeing him become a linchpin in the underlying structure of the Mandalorian sector would be really satisfying. Nar Shaddaa might be a chaotic mess, but I’d like to see him integrating into the wheels that keep the Mandos going, of his own volition this time, and finding a purpose he chose in it.

Jilka/Ruu/Corr

Okay, so I had a little too much fun with this one and I honestly think they might be part timers, but... listen, Jilka has the chops to hack all sorts of financial networks. Her girlfriend Ruu has done lots of merc work before. What’s to stop Jilka from pulling a Nate Ford, choosing a really scummy target on Nar Shaddaa, and basically going all Leverage/Shadow Broker to establish her own fortune independent of Kal Skirata, helping people in the mean time?

Jilka is a mastermind, hacker, AND grifter.

Ruu is the Eliot Spencer, eventually. Gets surprisingly good at being back up tactician, as she’s got a touch of that ruthless pragmatic streak herself.

Corr, however he’s attached to this threesome, is the hardware specialist turned thief bc you know what a knowledge of complex wiring does to security systems once he’s read enough specialty tech manuals? Also, Mereel showed him the SW equivalent of Parker’s gear once. Also, back up pretty grifter :)

They rotate in and out of Nar Shaddaa and have their own place, bc they do take other jobs off-world, go visit Besany maybe, etc, etc but they’re still there when they’re on world, and Koa thinks Jilka’s sarcasm is hilarious

Weird Nate Ford-Jilka parallel in her getting used to being PART of the underground and/or constantly surrounded by Mandos? Idk

Sometimes Jilka draws Besany, Etain and Laseema all in bc yes pls

This one is one of the weakest, honestly, so you know, feedback away. But he did explicitly like the open spaces and the thrill of Coruscant. When he finally made it to Mandalore, he missed the city. Enter, Nar Shaddaa, giant city where he has family

Also, I don’t really ship Parja/Fi so, potentially can also find cute Mandalorian boyfriend? eventually adopt kids with Mandalorian husband?

Might rotate in and out and meet up with Parja at Levet’s place occasionally though, bc I do Brotp them, but like... only for so long as the Imperial invasion of Mandalore isn’t scanning for all the Fett clones

Mereel

Okay, so he left them the safehouse and current headcanon is that when he shows up alive, he shows up at Etain’s door bc it was his safe house. He recovers there, and honestly, it would be pretty rude to kick him out of his own place? considering he wasn’t even actually dead he probably still owns it? but anyway Etain and the kids love Mereel?

Only Ranah God knows where he’s actually gonna be at any given time, since he doesn’t like to settle and he does eventually have a second private place in a different sector no one knows about bc he’s that person who needs fall backs and boundaries...

but, like, if he’s on Nar Shaddaa, there’s also a considerable chance he’s parked on Etain’s couch. he shows up at two AM with a black eye, caffa icecream, and glitter and everyone just accepts it. may or may not have Etain keeping a room for him after he recovers and moves out bc I still don’t know the actual fucking layout of this safehouse/apartment

Atin/Laseema

This one is a bit *hand-wavey-gesture* honestly?

I think I’m torn because on one hand all the “so sad they can’t have kids so saad” bs from Traviss made me pissy and made me headcanon they don’t want kids but take fulfillment from being in a clan where children are present?

at the same time, Laseema just got away from Hutts and Atin strikes me as kinda a woodsy guy who wouldn’t necessarily enjoy another city planet? (idk where I’m getting that impression tbh)

then again, Laseema outwitting the Hutts with Jilka would be 👌also Laseema getting to reconnect with other Twi’leks who have been in her position and build a network or resources and outreach?

Or as a Rebel leader and Nar Shaddaa is where she goes dark when the Imperials are too close?

I’m dragging literally everyone else in Omega back one way or another so

#Republic Commando #Nar Shaddaa #Omega #Really freaking rough headcanons beneath the cut bc this is very much a brainstorm #execpt for Ruu/Jilka/Corr bc I love that one

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overcaffeinated-creative · 7 years ago

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Solus Vetra, Modern AU

Title: I have the Best Work Stories Ever

Rating: T

Characters: Unnamed New Guy, Solus Vetra, Pre Vizsla, Akaan Kast

Summary: A new guy gives a first person run down of the wildest day in his blossoming Kyr’tsad career. Solus shows off what makes her a total badass. Assume they’re operating within an American HQ.

Notes: This was inspired by the introduction scene of Natasha in Iron Man 2. You know the one. There’s a lampshade for it.

Being the New Guy always sucked. If there is someone to be blamed for something going wrong it will be you. Food and coffee runs also became your job without your approval. The really sadistic bastards made up things for you to find on wild snipe hunts to supposedly find. No one cared if you have known each other half your damned lives (looking at you, Conner, who has shared my room for ever family thing since birth) because you are Fresh Meat. If leaving out key information could result in something funny they just had to do it. Because all that matters in the end is there’s a new di’kut around HQ to be tormented until the next batch arrives.

Take for example, no one telling me that Vizsla’s personal assistant was one of those vode. Basic warnings were given (because they’re all shebs but they’re not intentionally malicious shebs) about how things ran. Careful with the loud noises if her name is highlighted red on our intra-communication network, don’t mind the black Husky in the service vest (his name is Sen and they openly argue with each other), and the sweet black and silver Cadillac CTS V in the parking lot is hers. It was to be given a wide berth and never, ever startle her when she’s getting in or out. Things can (and do) go sideways with sparks.

Getting to their sheb quality was no one ever braced me for what she looks like. See, Solus Vetra is one of those bathed-in-the-blood-of-the-Ka’ra, born-in-a-fiery-burst-reeking-of-Mandokarla, my-loyalty-is-only-to-the-true-Manda’lor names. Anyone who knows their history knows Aliit Vetra was one of those old school families; as in ancient old school. The kind that is (still) dripping money, are very proud of being Mandalorian, and who have the past to make Renaissance Borgia look tame and never got caught doing any of it. So, this petite, smoking hot, white haired, Asian chick was not who I pegged for Solus Vetra. (In fact, I found out my pick for Solus Vetra out of seeing the Higher Ups was actually Bo-Katan Kryze...a different level of Traditionalist asskicker but not the PA) Every single time I had seen Vetra she was dressed to the nines, wearing labels even I know mean Wealth, and darting around with her face buried in a tablet and wearing this tweaked Google Glass display. Basically, I would have bought her as one of the Duchess’ people before Vizsla’s...well ever. There was too much Silicon Valley Tech Start Up in her look.

Assuming makes an ass out of you and me as the saying went.

Near a month into my tenure with the company was when the Day of Reckoning all went down. In the span of three hours she went from Pepper Potts with her unruly boss and love of art to Natasha Romanoff with everything you would expect of the world’s best spy. (Seriously, I want to know if we have a Black Widow Program and if that’s where we found her. Because she is scary.) First, came The Argument with the Boss that would have made a lesser man piss himself. Few hours later, she popped up in the gym sparking The Beat Down to her vocal heckler. It cemented her as Certified Badass in my mind and shot her to the top of my “Never Ever Fuck With” List.

The Argument was held in an adjacent meeting room to the fourth floor supply closet at 10:23 AM. I was down there looking for this weirdly specific ink cartridge for our satanic printer when this feeling of doom washed over me. I swear the room dropped ten degrees while clicking suddenly picked up. It was like gearing up for a boss fight in the wrong area of a video game. You just knew shit was about to go down and it was not going to go in your favor at all. Instead of some kind of insectoid monster making the noise it was the rapid fire click of $1200 USD, real python pumps (I got curious enough to Google how much her red soled kicks cost and the answer is more than my rent) beating down on the tile floor with a Purpose.

I have to say a Smart Man would have waited for the danger to pass and ran away. This is where I say I am not a smart man. Di’kut is the right title for me because I stayed to eavesdrop...and maybe a little (a lot) of stunned silence freezing me into place. See, she cornered ‘Alor in the recently emptied meeting room with this chilled civility. I heard the door close with this crisp professionalism (how is that even possible?) before she started reaming him.

It turned out Vetra was a Smart Person because she had a lot of languages to yell in. I lost track of the clearly individual ones after the five mark. Whatever he did (I speak English and Mando’a with some passable Spanish to her rapid fire Everything) it had to have been bad if she was suicidal enough for this. Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows Vizsla can be a giant kad when he feels like and he always feels like it. When he started yelling back I had the kneejerk reaction to go help her. Again, Vetra is Small and I am a Dumbass. Before I could move, her voice shot up a couple more decibels in the angriest (and I had Dred Priest overseeing part of my training) Mando’a to have ever been uttered. Then it was drop a pin and hear it echo for eternity silent.

Conner sent three texts while I was holding my post (and my breath) behind several stacks of xerox paper. Just to keep him from blowing my cover I shot back it was taking a while to dig around and he left me alone. It was a good thing because without their yelling-and with my luck-I would have gotten busted. Until this, I would have picked getting busted by Vetra...every time really. I knew what she looked like smiling in a good mood without someone dying. A’lor only smiled when things were going to shit for someone else. Now...now it was way harder. Since she had the gett’se to get in the Manda’lor’s face and live. But, he was not only a giant kad but one who could survive her wrath. I had no winning options except to hope for a mercy kill from a heart attack or something.

My internal strife stopped when I heard them pass by the closet door and they were...laughing? What in the hell had I missed falling down that rabbit hole? Twenty minutes ago she threatened to cut his gett’se off and parade them around with the stick he kept up his ass. Now, they were friends? What kind of fucking magic did he just pull? Could I learn it? Holy Shit. Pre Vizsla knew how to laugh? Without murder and chaos raining down around him? What kind of magic did she have?

Keeping it on the safe side I waited another ten minutes to return to my desk.

Witnessing The Beat Down was one of the best things to happen in my twenty years of living. Seriously, it came straight out of a movie it was so unbelievably awe-inspiring to see. Angels sang, the lights of the heavens shined down, and I watched the best ass kicking to have ever went down this year and possibly ever. A little digging around and the offer of enough uj cake even got me a full on video of the event. It makes the bad days better in twenty-five seconds.

Everything kicked off when I stopped by our gym when my shift ended at one. The shellshock from overhearing The Argument kept my head shoved pretty firmly up my ass. (I mean, that had to go down in some kind of history right? PA owns Manda’lor with words alone. It was going down in my history.) Conner picked up on something being off enough to leave my ink cartridgeless ass alone. I think he assumed I walked in something I shouldn’t see. Namely that nympho from Recruitment climbing some of the ground team guys...again. Why in the hell he was into men who could pass for hockey goalies, missing teeth and all, I would never know...fucking Canadian.

Somewhere between changing into workout gear and returning to the main room Vetra had shown up. Okay. I mean, I guess anyone could work out here and she was a Vetra? I had to assume she had at least basic self defense training. That had always been a huge part of the Mando Culture, especially with the Traditionalists. On second glance, I saw she was still in her outfit of the day. She even had her tablet with the intention of getting Kast to sign something. That made way more sense. Yeah, she would square off verbally with her boss but this would not be a verbal battle. Knowing how to defend herself was important; throwing the ground forces around moved away from that. It went more into the, “This is going to horribly wrong. Why are you brushing up the Basics with them?” because they could break her.

Remember, how I said I’m a dumbass and not to make assumptions? This is a good time to remember that I am one because I made the same mistake twice.

But, so was Akaan Kast.

See, Akaan Kast was a cycle ahead of me in training with a reputation for being both a bully and a show off. He thought because he was directly assigned to a company in HQ he was a Big Deal. “Kasts are always around the most powerful," he liked to brag, “Because we are the most powerful and recognize our own.” However, that did not get him an invitation into the Nite Owls or the A’lor’s personal company. Both ate him alive even if he refused to acknowledge it. (If I toasted the gods for that good fortune a few different nights no one had to know.) He also had this Thing for trying to impress Traditionalist girls. (Don’t ask me what it was because I tuned it out every time he tried to pontificate on the subject.) Plus, Priest liked the guy and that is all anyone needs to know.

Point was Kast was being up to his usual antics and Vetra was taking None of It. Everything in her body language screamed “Predator ready to maul a man’s face off” masked behind this stone cold smile. Picturing her with pinned back ears and bared fangs looked too right. All she wanted was him to sign something on her tablet but he was being Difficult. The last man who made her life Difficult was chewed up and spit out with words alone. This was going to be funny as hell to witness.

“Kast, sign,” she huffed while jabbing the tablet into his chest. “Then we both can get back to our jobs.”

“You can call me Akaan and I’ll call you Solus,” he started off in complete ignorance. Except not. He clearly knew he was riling her up. “What if we trade instead? You get a true combat lesson then I’ll sign.”

“Kast, do you damn job. Sign now. That’s an order.”

“Can you really give orders as a personal assistant? Thought you job was to fetch coffee and answer phones.”

All eyes were sneaking glances at them by this point but no one was stepping in. I was a little confused. Some of these people had to have been around when Vetra first come through. Some of them even looked amused at her being hassled. I knew Kyr’tsad had a Reputation but I thought taking care of their own was part of it. Letting Kast be a kad to their own wasn’t taking care of her.

“If I’m echoing an order of the Manda’lor I can.”

“Just a fifteen minute lesson? It's been a while since you've been out in the field. Wanna make sure you can keep that pretty little head on.” I gagged at this point. How disgusting could someone be? How could he thing this was even going to work in his favor? Was she supposed to be impressed with his only okay muscles and terrible (Ba’buir would call it Americanized) attitude? Did he really think insults would work?

“Fine.”

Anyone who has ever met another human being knows fine is past “Fuck You” on the Scale of Responses. But, Kast looked pleased with himself while Vetra pointedly left most of her belongings on a bench. Which was a lot of belonging to just be moving around the office. Tablet, Goggle Glass, ear piece, earrings, watch, bracelet, shoes, cell phone, suit jacket, and top shirt? I guess if I paid that much (I had no idea the real price but I could only imagine) for a button up I would avoid getting it dirty too. Course I’d never pay who knows how much for a shirt no matter how soft it was.

I edged closer to their makeshift ring to see what was going down. Fantastic choice on my part. See, Kast made some off-handed comment about the cutesy tattoo he could see through her undershirt. He asked what it was prompting her to offer a clear view; a colorful Barn Owl nestled on her hip. Here, Barn Owls had a special meaning because they were only for the Nite Owls. The Nite Owls, being Kryze’s personal team of unmatched Spec Ops ghosts who could probably destabilize an entire first world country over night or something ridiculous. So, Huge Deal.

I put several fragments of thoughts together all at once; Kast did not. He asked why she had that Mark of Honor. Made some vague comment about why it was important “just a personal assistant” could not just wear it around. As the cherry on top he even tried to lecture her on the rules and demanded it be removed. I could detect the jealousy in his voice. He wanted one of those tattoos and would never get one.

Have you ever seen a six foot, three inch wall of could have been Alabama linebacker get his ass handed to him by about five feet and some change of definitely could be a model? I just did. It. Was. Awesome.

Before he could finish his spiel she had him on the ground. Not with dirty shots, simple but effective basics, or even an unexpectedly lucky flail. Hell no. It was like watching absolute poetry in motion. A twist of the hand in front of her face, launching her body up and over his arm to flip him forward, with his neck trapped between her thighs and his arm pinned. That held down hand looked like it was really hurting with the way she had it twisted. Everything Solus Vetra did in that moment was built to show the fuck off. When I said Natasha Romanoff I meant it.

He tapped out and she waited a few seconds longer before releasing him to gracefully rise. “Your lesson got my suit dirty. I’ll have payroll deduct the dry cleaning costs from your next check. Providing there is one of course.” In a flash she popped back up while he remained sprawled in an undignified heap. Hands on her hips, red lips pulled into a feral smile she looked down at him, “I’m the Alii'alor of Vetra and a Nite Owl within Kyr’tsad. I earned my colors and you have earned nothing. You challenged both my honor and my authority. Good luck explaining that one to A’lor.”

I have no idea if I am in love or if I am going to be scared for my life from here on out...maybe both...definitely both. At least, Kyr’tsad is fun to work for if it is a hot mess.

#caff the writer #caff writes #solus vetra #c: more than you bargained for #au: i'm the devil in the details #akaan kast #unnamed pov character

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trouvvaille · 7 years ago

Text

Clams; Talk to your moirail.

brackishbarracuda [BB] began trolling lonelySeahorse [LS] at 5-44 AM BB- 3B* lonelySeahorse- Yesterday at 5-45 AM Hey u I uh I gotta talk to u brackishBarracuda- Yesterday at 5-46 AM well thats yeah aight whats up clams

lonelySeahorse- Today at 2-38 AM I miss my kids. Can we get them back... Please? Its too quiet. I wworry. I mean I'm sure dirk takes god care of them i just uh Need them So Yeah brackishBarracuda- Today at 2-56 AM i can bring em back to visit clams but look i know its quiet and it fucking sucks and i miss them too i still dont feel like theyre safe here love and no dirk dont do shit dave keeps em have you seen dirk with a kid its hilarious lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-41 AM I mean pike I dont doubt it but i wwant to see em Wwho are wwe hiding from noww I thought condy wwas not an issue anymore or somethin Is it sal brackishBarracuda- Today at 6-51 AM no shes still a fucking thing there were two problems but the orginal ones still there lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-51 AM godamnit howw about if wwe just movve not forevver brackishBarracuda- Today at 6-51 AM thats lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-51 AM but pike to loz's brackishBarracuda- Today at 6-52 AM love thats not the problem lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-52 AM or i knoww brackishBarracuda- Today at 6-52 AM she doesnt know where we are its me wanting to give fel and her fam someplace to go lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-52 AM i just wwant to put up solutions and feel like im helpin ZZ3B( brackishBarracuda- Today at 6-52 AM i could kiss you you know i kno its naut been easy bein with me lately or ever lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-53 AM some nights are easier than others <> the 24 hours after u cut off chos arm noww that was rough shit evverything else compared to that is pike cuttin through a cloud its just the fuckin brackishBarracuda- Today at 6-54 AM im sorry lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-54 AM its gamzee all the fuck ovver again u knoww what they say third times the charm brackishBarracuda- Today at 6-54 AM 3B( lonelySeahorse- Today at 6-54 AM ZZ3B* just kinda fuckin i unno i almost got enough of ur biolum for u to bathe in ivve started movvin them to one a the tanks ur gonna have to pike... sleep in it or just sit in there ww ur palmhusk and blog for hours ill uh join u if u wwant i dunno if the tank'd hold tho but i can put them in the big one if i take archie out lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-03 AM you uh you'll be okay u knoww its hard but you'll pull through it wwasn't ur fault you knoww that right i think i think u should spend some tide with kad u knoww they'll help u feel better brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-13 AM how the fuck wasnt it my fault clams i love you but the knife was in my hand lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-13 AM kads alwways good for a pickmeup did you knoww the knife wwas in ur hand brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-15 AM i remember picking it up lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-15 AM wwe are not responsible for our instincts they wwere responsible for aya and they hurt her and you hurt them in turn both of these wwere wwrong but neither more than the other both of them wwill scar and both of them are traumatized you wwere angry brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-18 AM stop making excuses for me lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-18 AM im not makin excuses for you it was everyones fault thats wwhat im tryin to get at cho was responsible for ayas wwellbein an they should not havve had her in the same room as a psion wwho couldn't control their powwers and you wwere supposed to do the right thing but you didn't you cut off their arm and ran awway and that is your fuckin fault but im not makin excuses for you because fuckin honestly at this point wwhat good is that shit going to do anyone you wwant to talk to them again? talk to vvis? sal? then you gotta fuckin accept that it wwas an accident and evvery single one a you wwas at fault, evven sal, evven vvis three fuckin adults in that house and not one a them coulda been wwatchin her wwith cho? bullshit its your fault but it ain't entirely yours either you knoww i havve nightmares about it and i wwasn't evven fuckin there howws that brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-22 AM what what are they about lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-22 AM that doesn't matter read wwhat i said abovve brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-22 AM it does i read it lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-22 AM yeah why brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-22 AM this matters lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-23 AM whys it matter to you so you can beat yourself up more aboat it? brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-23 AM whys it matter to me clams i am your fucking moirail it matters please lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-32 AM and as your owwn moirail i don't think you should beat yourself up ovver nightmares i havve caused by things that wwere your fault because i knoww you wwill and i don't wwant that y you got enough on your plate brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-33 AM baby please lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-33 AM tell me wwhy you're insecure then i wwill brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-33 AM which part lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-33 AM in general wwhy are you so insecure about yourself you hurt someone big fuckin wwhoop you bleww up your planet and you didn't really care about cho anywway you tried to i knoww but you didn't is it just because you lost sal? because you think you'vve lost vvis? brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-35 AM i am trying to be better clams and yes its because of that lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-35 AM once upon a time you told me u lovved me just as i am hemoism and all brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-35 AM i dont loose people well lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-35 AM and im here to tell you the same fuckin thing i dont care if u cut off my owwn fuckin arm i wwill lovve you until the day my essence dissolvves into nothing and i cease to havve the capacity to hold lovve in my soul i lovve you regardless of wwhat you do wwhose arm you chop off wwho you lose or wwhy you lose them i lovve you meen not wwhat you do or wwhat you say but because of wwho you fuckin are a free thinker wwho doesn't hold back, wwho wwould dance in the moonlight wwith her girlfriends, wwho tells people they're pretty af and means it wwithout it bein empty. ur home to me evven if you become someone you dislike you don't need to change and be "better" for me to like u i already like you vis already likes you sal liked you and so did chosis yes there are things you can improvve yes there are things you can't improvve but here and noww wwith all your insecurities and wwhen you falter, wwhen ur candle is loww, i am still here for you and don't u fuckin forget it i am your moirail and eridan fuckin ampora aight and i am right fuckin pale for the roughest, prettiest diamond i'vve evver fuckin seen brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-40 AM i love you lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-42 AM noww about those nightmares its really quite simple vvis has nightmares if wwe're sleepin at the same time wwe share em thats it thats the wwhole explanation brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-43 AM do you know what those are about or look i just want to know where hes viewin himself in relation okay is just me being dangerous is it him just watchin is it him eelin like he could have stopped me and cant like i dont care what it is i just want to know lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-44 AM hes conflicted because he lovves both of you and he thinks you hold animosity towwards him if he showws too much support for chosis and not for you thats wwhat i can glean the recurrin theme is the classic "choice" dream u knoww u can only Savve One an all that chos his kurloz, lovve, pike i don't know if you get it more wwhen i put it that wway or its pike if i personally chopped off loz's arm wwhile you wwatched thats just howw he feels an it's basically just that he doesn't fuckin knoww howw to feel i think he just needs time but thats my fuckin answer to evverythin brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-47 AM fuck lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-47 AM does that put it into more perspectivve or brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-48 AM yeah actually i fuck lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-48 AM yeah yeah im glad that helps brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-50 AM clams what have i fucking done lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-53 AM you chopped off the arm of your inclade, your moirails matesprit, wwho he has twwo eggs wwith and plans to swwap rings wwith, in defense of said matesprit's negligance towwards your owwn child wwith your dead matesprit, wwhich resulted in possibly lifelong scarrin and trauma due to their said negligance defense? offense somethin pike that you uh also faught ur best friend and bloodied him up a bit and noww he doesn't wwant to speak wwith you i guess thats wworth mentionin i mean if u ask me sal and u needed a break anywway brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-55 AM i dont like breaks clams i like fixing shit or getting it over with i like shit in the air not festering i like honest real fucking answers and not hiding behind shit and lying to yourself and im fucked lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-56 AM okay so u knoww howw i compared chosis to kurloz there right, for vvis noww i need you to think a me or actually think a kad if u cut off kads arm and lil sal wwas there wwatchin an the twwo a you fought brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-57 AM i wouldnt be alive clams lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-57 AM see to me that says sal still fuckin lovves you brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-58 AM he shouldnt lonelySeahorse- Today at 7-58 AM no he shouldn't but he does evven if he aint realize it yet he just needs time maybe you could send him a couple of anon asks to see howw he feels about it evveryonce in a wwhile brackishBarracuda- Today at 7-59 AM he doesnt deserve the shit i bring to his doorstep clams he deserves people who are gonna make him happy and that aint been me for a while lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-01 AM then i guess u got an oppurtunity here but u gotta ask urself howw happy is he gonna be wwith you gone howw happy are you gonna be wwith him gone the twwo a you are older than me and you you do fuckin realize that right pike you'vve been together since before u evven met me hell probs before rez or fangs or around that time he's the only one left besides cro and tuna wwho knowws You so if you wwant to leavve him thats up to you he's already made his choice but i fuckin promise you in twwo months he's gonna be wwaitin to see if you'll try to get back in his life and fuckin honestly i'd be disappointed if you didn't an he wwould be too and you fuckin knoww it don't kid urself howw many times has he hurt us howw many fuckin times has he hurt me put vvis through a wwall broke my nose gavve you scars but howw many times did he come back, huh or helped you evven if u twwo wwere havvin trouble you think a that brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-06 AM i miss him i miss who we were lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-06 AM wwhen did it change wwhat happened wwhy brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-06 AM i dont know i dont fucking know lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-07 AM i do you wwant to knoww? brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-07 AM why naut lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-07 AM wwhen he finally stopped puttin you up on that pedestal wwhen he finally had to come to grips wwith the fact u wweren't and are not perfect wwhen he finally had to fuckin realize that you are not his rescuer but his friend he put u up on a throne and u didn't wwant it and he couldn't see that and evvery single fuckin time you twwo fought it wwas because u didn't see eye to eye because you wwere still twwenty feet abovve him, to him cho thought it too wwe wwere talkin they said sal wwas upset because "he lost his rock" an i said buddy if u think meenah wwas his rock ur wwrong" because u wweren't and if u think that you're wwrong a rope throwwn to him maybe givven him hope givven him a friend but somethin to hold onto wwhen the lights go out nah u wwere his lighthouse like u are mine you light the wway but he doesn't cling to u wwith his problems he clings to cho and YOU fuckin knoww that and you need to stop thinkin that cho isn't fuckin wworthy or somethin of bein sals moirail an also simultaneously thinkin that u gotta measure up to chosis wwith sal are you pale for salinx? no? then you ain't gotta brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-12 AM i was once i know you remember lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-12 AM yeah and i wwas flushed for u once too its hard to stop those feelins but u just gotta grit ur teeth and go at it brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-13 AM i mean im naut anymore but yeah lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-14 AM just in case, i gotta say it stop bein fuckin envious of wwhat they got an the fact that sal is tellin cho evverythin an not u brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-15 AM i fucking hate myself for it but i cant even tell you youre fucking wrong lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-19 AM i knoww just you knoww stop it nerd <> brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-19 AM look they werent fucking worthy when i met them just to be straight with you lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-19 AM but you aint givven them the chance since u think i dont knoww that they bruised me, pushed me ovver brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-20 AM im naut done lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-20 AM aight im wwaitin tho brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-22 AM chosis wasnt shit when i met them but if i can stand back away from my own shit for two seconds theyve grown a hell of a lot they grew into it which idk is probably the point or something just cause i couldnt sea it and i can admit that to you but trying to say that to anybody else pisses me off ive got problems the point im making is that they arent a bad kid and clearly they take decent fuckin care a sally an sal them i was just idk i reely dont like thinking aboat this lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-26 AM yeah wwhale suck it up and talk to me about it ZZ3B\ brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-27 AM ive p much made my point theyre betta than they were and im recognizing that ive known that for a while lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-27 AM but u still assumed they wwere the one wwho hurt aya brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-28 AM when i got there there was all of two people and i knew it was sal i jumped to a conclusion an it was the wrong one lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-29 AM yeah but u wwere alwwavves more heart than head brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-30 AM yeah for betta oar worse lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-31 AM this just happens to be one a the wworse ... you'll be okay and so wwill sal, and so wwill cho, and so wwill vvis, and aya too it just takes time an lovve an determination don't givve up on them aight? lovve u <> brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-32 AM i love you too <> just so fucking much clams lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-32 AM ZZ3B* brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-33 AM i couldnt tell you if i tried you are my rock you know no pedestal no rope no lighthouse lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-37 AM yeah i do brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-37 AM youre my rock lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-37 AM ur my rock and my lighthouse brackishBarracuda- Today at 8-37 AM where i build home lonelySeahorse- Today at 8-37 AM ur my evverythin ... what are u gonna do brackishBarracuda - Today at 8:41 AM whatever i have to lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:42 AM yeah? brackishBarracuda - Today at 8:46 AM as fuckin always lonelySeahorse - Today at 8:47 AM come on more than that brackishBarracuda- Today at 8:49 AM i dont know clams but im naut givin up lonelySeahorse- Today at 8:49 AM good <> brackishBarracuda - Today at 8:50 AM <>

#ask to tag #i don't think theres anythin gin here that needs to be tagged but if so lemme kno #look at them being babs i love em a lot #ahhh #ahh!!#chatlogs #diamond mine #brackishbarracuda #mentioned;#9hosis #ooc

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mojput-mypath · 5 years ago

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Povijest bolesti / Medical history

New necklace addition to my jewellery collection / Novi dodatak mojoj kolekciji nakita

After having been blessed by my physiatrist to travel, I ended up having a small surgical incision. I really like the sound of the words ‘small surgical incision’. It was one of those situations when you just know what you are supposed to do. I strolled to the emergency room in the middle of the night and had a small surgical incision done. People used to die of these kinds of infections. I limped home after the operation, without a problem. Also not the smartest thing to do, but what to do when I’m so brave. And stoopid.

Even the small surgical incision did not prevent me from travelling. At the moment I had lots of things in line, like hanging out, picking up at the airport, course translating, assisting and preparing for another course. All this seemed just impossible to cancel. In the end it was very possible, as I was forced to cancel. The pain was too much of a reason.

Gordana taking sick leave, how did that happen?

A series of tiny miracles happened on the way to Germany. First I met a guy who gave me a back massage at the airport. As soon as I arrived, I bumped into someone familiar and got a ride to my destination. Even my suitcase was brought to my room. Royal treatment.

Not even a few days in, my back started to hurt like hell. I could not sit, lie, meditate, nor sleep. It was clear I had to go home. Home to mommy.

View from my mom’s balcony, Rijeka / Pogled s maminog balkona, Rijeka

I should have told everyone I could not travel and cancel everything on time, in order for my role to be adequately replaced. That I have not done, because I could not bare to cancel anything, to hurt others financially or emotionally. I am responsible and I do not give up! In the end I did more harm than good.

Nothing in life is useless. Even that trip, except tiring me enormously, gave me so many lovely things. So many people were caring for my needs and pain – the ashram truly provides. Yet, the ashram is not almighty. Sometimes one needs to stop.

Gordana has no notion of what it means to stop. So far I have seen two physiatrists, the ayurveda doctor, two chiropractors, a minimum of 4 therapists, a trainer and did swimming. All this has some influence on my recovery, but the greatest influence is that I stopped overworking, and at the same time I am attending to my crooked body.

They keep saying how I must have had some enormous trauma. I think not, at least not in this life. No physical trauma I am aware of that could cause such a state. I am all bent, torsion and sideways. There is an entire list of diagnosis: spondylosis, hyper lordosis, kyphosis, uncarthrosis… I am not super worried, because I know it can get better. The only thing that really bothers me is the pain. It is beginning to be difficult to bear, and continuing painkillers will eat my liver up.

The only painkiller I take now: a Croatian candy travelled to India, to be blessed by my Guru, and then returned to Germany where it came into my hands / Jedine tablete za bolove koje sada uzimam: hrvatski bonbon koji je otputovao do Indije, gdje ga je moj Guru blagoslovio, da bi se vratio u Njemačku i završio u mojim rukama

I also met an angel who put my atlas (first vertebrae) into its place, as well as my heart. A person who can understand when you are in love with the divine nature of this entire existence. A Gopal – friend in knowledge.

However, my prince on a white horse rode along. It is quite incredible how when you get absolutely everything you wanted, you see that fulfilment of your desires does not bring fulfilment deep in your heart.

Careful what you wish for!

I thought of a few more important human expressions:

1. A man is known by the company he keeps. 2. Sweep around your own front door before you try to clean someone else's. 3. Thank God.

The human language is full of truth. The simple sayings we take no attention to. Open your ears and start listening to what people are saying, but do not forget to listen to the rustle of the leaves. Open your eyes and see the beauty of this world, and also do not forget to see its sadness, in order to know what you need to do in life.

Let love enter your heart, let the divine find you and show you the way of true fulfilment.

There is only one thing that makes any sense in this life, that is love. Not corny, romantic love for your partner, but love for existence itself. Loving in all we do, pink glasses we wear while shopping, making out, working, cleaning floors. Love for movement, touch, smell, love for our dear ones and far away ones. Love for the visible and for the invisible. Not scattered love, ecstasy without awareness, but love seeping out of our very existence, leaving a trace on our every movement, action, thought and spoken word.

LOVE.

Bye-bye nice croissants in Zagreb / Ćao finim zagrebačkim kroasanima

_______________________

Nakon što me fizijatrica poslala s blagoslovom na put, završila sam na malom operativnom zahvatu. Baš mi se sviđa taj izraz: mali operativni zahvat. To je bila jedna od onih situacija kad jednostavno znaš što ti je činiti. Prošetala sam se do hitne usred noći i obavila mali rez kako bi se ugnojena rana očistila. Nekoć su ljudi od takvih upala umirali. Odšepala sam doma nakon operacije, bez beda. Ne baš najpametnija stvar koju sam u životu napravila, ali šta ćeš kad sam hrabra. I glupa.

Ni taj mali operativni zahvat me nije spriječio da krenem na put. Činilo mi se u tom trenutku previše otkazati druženje, skupljanje na aerodromu, prevođenje tečaja, asistiranje i priprema drugog tečaja. Sve mi je to izgledalo kao nemoguće za otkazati. Na kraju je bilo vrlo moguće, jer sam bila prisiljena sve otkazati. Zbog boli.

Gordana na bolovanju, eto i to se dogodilo.

Po putu se dogodilo i nastavila su se događati mala čuda jedno za drugim. Prvo sam upoznala čovjeka koji mi je izmasirao bolna leđa na aerodromu. Zatim čim sam došla u Njemačku, nabasala sam na poznatu osobu, pa sam odvezena na odredište. I kufer mi je odnesen u sobu! Kraljevski.

Nije prošlo ni prvih par dana, već su me počela leđa boljeti nepodnošljivo. Nisam mogla sjediti, ležati, meditirati, ni spavati. Bilo mi je jasno da moram doma. Doma mamici.

Another mommy’s balcony view / Još jedan pogled s maminog balkona

Trebala sam odmah reći svima da ne mogu doći, i otkazati sve na vrijeme, da se moja uloga može na vrijeme i adekvatno zamijeniti. To nisam napravila, jer nisam mogla podnijeti da išta otkažem, da druge oštetim ni financijski ni emotivno. Ja sam odgovorna i ne odustajem! Na kraju sam donijela sebi i svima drugima više štete nego koristi.

Ništa nije za bezveze, a tako ni taj put, na kojem sam se izmorila, ali na kraju i dobila tretmane svih oblika, po potrebi trenutka. Ashram se pobrine. Ali nije ni ashram svemoguć. Nekad treba stati (?).

Gordana ne zna što to znači stati. Do sada sam bila kod dvije fizijatrice, ayurvedskog doktora, dva kiropraktičara, minimalno 4 terapeuta, jedne trenerice i na plivanju. Sve to ima nekog utjecaja, ali najvećeg utjecaja ima to što sam se malo zaustavila s poslom, a istovremeno što sam veću pažnju pridala iskrivljenom tijelu.

Kažu mi da sam imala neku veliku traumu. U ovom životu nisam. Bar ne fizičku. Sva sam se nakrivila, oko osi i na stranu. Imam sve dijagnoze koje se mogu imati vezano uz leđa. Spondiloza, hiperlordoza, kifoza, unkartroza... Ništa me to ne sekira, jer znam da se može ispraviti. Jedino me sekira bol. To mi je malo teško podnositi, a tablete više ne mogu piti, jetra će me napustiti.

Naišla sam i na anđela koji mi je vratio atlas (prvi vratni kralježak) na mjesto, ali i srce mi je stavio na mjesto. Osoba koja razumije što znači kada si zaljubljen u božansku prirodu postojanja. Gopal – prijatelj u znanju.

Doduše, moj princ na bijelom konju je odjahao dalje. Nevjerojatno je kad dobiješ apsolutno sve što si želio, i onda uvidiš da ispunjenje želja ne donosi ispunjenje srca.

Kolači za dvoje su sad kolači za jednog / Cakes for two became cakes for one

Pazi što želiš!

Nastavno na tu izreku, sjetila sam se još par važnih:

1. S kim si takav si. 2. Prvo pometi ispred svojih vrata. 3. Hvala Bogu.

Ljudski jezik je prepun istina, kroz jednostavne izreke na koje više ne obraćamo pozornost. Naćuli uši i počni slušati što ljudi govore, ali ne zaboravi slušati šuškanje lišća. Otvori oči i pogledaj ljepotu ovoga svijeta, ali ne zaboravi vidjeti i njegovu tugu, da znaš što ti je činiti.

Pusti ljubav u svoje srce, pusti božansko da te pronađe i pokaže ti put istinskog ispunjenja.

Jedna i jedina stvar koja ima nekakvog smisla u ovom životu je ljubav. Ne otrcana, romantična ljubav za partner-icu/-a, već ljubav za samo postojanje. Voljenost u svemu što radimo, ružičaste naočale koje nosimo dok kupujemo, dok se ljubimo, dok radimo, dok peremo pod. Ljubav za pokret, dodir, miris, ljubav za najbliže i najdalje. Ljubav za vidljivo i nevidljivo. Ne rasuta ljubav, ekstaza bez svjesnosti. Ljubav koja izvire iz našeg postojanja, kojom je obojan svaki naš pokret, djelovanje, misao i riječ.

LJUBAV.

Photo by Julia Righes - Love for Life / Slikala Julia - Ljubav za Život

#love #divine love #spirituality #spiritual life #changes #pain #personal blog #gordana tihomirovic

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natswash · 8 years ago

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The Riddle of Beskar

@tehphengo your replies to my Beskar post are great! And they bring up some interesting points.

So there were multiple attempts throughout Galactic History in which aruetiise attempted to understand the secret of Beskar. Notably the Empire’s mining operation. None were successful. And we’re never given a reason why, which is incredibly frustrating to me as a metalworker myself. But there are lots of reasons why that might be

So to get into some more of the nitty gritty of metallurgy go under the cut because this will be a long one. And I’m making up half our words as we go along because we lack the necessary words and the words we do have don’t actually work very well together (Why Karen why?!)

But the TL:DR is: You’re probably right because Beskar is SPACE! Damascus Steel

Vocabulary

Beskar -- Mandalorian Steel, used here to refer to the refined metal alloy

Beskar’cho-- Mandalorian Steel Ore (lit. Metal/heart/stone). (New Word!)

Goran - Metalworker/Blacksmith

Nau’ur -- Light up (but in this context it will mean to smelt)

Naur’ad -- I’ll use this to mean smelters (New Word!)

Naur’alor -- Forge Boss (with overtones of mastery over beskar)

Nau'ur kad -- To forge (lit. to light up a sword)

The process

So we know that Beskar’cho is local to Manda’yaim, like native only to that planet (which, let me tell you that it is complete osik but you know... sci fi). And that it is the primary ingredient in Beskar.

So to make ore into usable metal it must be smelted into ingots. And this just means that you heat it until it’s melted and pour it into a mold. This removes impurities in the metal (Which may or may not be a good thing!), to get really good steel you may do this more than once (the Japanese are famous for doing it a lot because they had very bad local ores). The Naur’ad will know which impurities are good and which are bad.

Once you have the metal in a workable form you then do the smithing,which can be extremely labor intensive or automated. But since no one but the goran and naur’alor know how this is done I’m betting on intensive. Anyway this process involves heating the metal up and then moving it around to shape (usually with a hammer of some kind).

Trade Secrets

Now to the fun part. The answer to why no one else is able to make top quality beskar is basically a combination of factors that add up to the fact that the Mando’ade are paranoid (but hey it’s not paranoia if everyone really is out to get you).

Impurity: the local ores likely contain certain impurities that must be smelted out (and I’m willing to bet that there are non-local impurities that need to be smelted in!) And by local I mean to certain areas on the planet or in that sector.

Craft: Next part is improving on the base metal, usually this is done by folding it over and over again so that you wind up with a very dense piece of metal. The Japanese are famous for doing this thousands of times in forging a katana. This fits nicely with beskar’gam being really heavy.

Heat Treatment: This is tempering (cooling) and annealing (heating). Both are important for different reasons and both are likely to be done during the creation of anything made of beskar. (blades will contain more flex than armor does for example).

The Naur’alor is likely someone who knows how to take the ore and turn it into working armor. The Forge Boss will know the smelting, the impurities, the workings. All of it. That is a massive amount of learning. Equivalent to decades of practice and Doctoral levels of learning in metallurgy and Masters in several related fields, like chemistry and geology.

Resistance

Why is Beskar immune to lightsabers? Is it really? I don’t actually think so. I believe that there are two main reasons for this. 1: Beskar is dense and so can take more punishment, including plasma. I think that it is highly reflective but if you can hold the blade to it long enough you’ll cut through (good luck trying that when there’s an angry Mando inside though!). 2: It is likely that it is of an opposite magnetic charge from the plasma conduits on a lightsaber (which is why lightsabers might glance off the armor). As a fun side effect this means that the armor is likely to be easy to find if you know what to scan for.

The other answer to how it does this is if it isn’t the charge or density then one of the impurities impart a crystalline atomic structure that refracts the saber.

Whichever way it works a saber stroke is going to A: Leave an impressive mark on the armor itself and B: hurt like hell. Hey, all that momentum has to go somewhere.

Space Damascus?

Damascus steel is a real world metal that we don’t know how it was made or what exactly was in it. Oh we know some of it, but we don’t have exacts because we don’t know what ore they used or how they smelted or worked it. We lost the knowledge of making it when the city was destroyed because they didn’t write it down. Much like the Mando’ade. We have since worked out techniques that can create equivalent steels, but it’s not exactly the same. The metal type is also known as Wootz Steel and was actually first made in India. But most people know it better as Damascus because the city was in the middle of the trade routes to the Western World.

#mando'a #Other words I derived during this #nau = light #nau'ur kad as forge just pisses me off!#It implies that the only thing you forge is a sword #WHICH AS ANY SMITH KNOW IS JUST COMPLETE AND UTTER BANTHA OSIK #Also it makes talking about forging a sword really hard #Nhi nau'ur kad kad #It just is awkward as all get out #Also beskar should be findable elsewhere than Manda'yaim #mandalorians #mandalorian

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dcmissionaries · 7 years ago

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Beauty is Subjective, Unless You’re an Ass

After the strange events that had transpired the other day, the Angels were left with a feeling of loss and this odd feeling of foreboding. What were the demons doing fighting a ghost, and why was the ghost green in the first place? "This has left a foul taste in my mouth." Strappon said bitterly as he sat on the couch in the Abbey's rec room. "Yeah, but nothing bad has happened since then, so maybe the Demons were just catching an off experiment." Shades replied as he entered the room, turning on the television. "There's been nothing but buzzing about the Festival on the news." "That sounds like good news to me." Strappon sighed. The newscaster was excitedly reporting several of the events that had transpired recently, mostly consisting of exciting bands and new foods, something about the appreciation of Japanese cuisine, when the screen began to shake. A Ghost seemed to have grabbed the camera, pulling it toward her and repeating the words:

"Do you still think I'm pretty...?" The screen when blank with the audio of many screams, and soon after, the news team seemed to have retrieved their equipment and the ghost was gone. Shades stood staring at the television, having dropped his remote. Strappon sat in the same sort of stunned manner. "Well, guess we've got a ghost to chase!" Jacket chimed in from behind the couch, causing both men to effectively jump out of their trousers, Shades ending up clinging to the Templar's face. Jacket scratched the bridge of his nose. "Uh. Oops."

BEAUTY IS SUBJECTIVE Unless you're an asshole. A new ghost has sprung up in place of the strange green one that had been around the other day. Well, I guess not everyone gets a day off! Gotta get rid of this ghost! --------

BRIT: The festival was just as packed as the last time they were there only a few days ago, getting into the swing of things once again for the day. The shock of the ghost attack that had happened on camera didn't seem to bother the Festival-goers at all since there seemed to be even more people than before.

"I can't believe this." Strappon said, "More people than before, this world is full of morons." He crossed his arms and looked over the crowd, then back down to the note in his hand from before. Why had it said "Talk" before? It seemed to have changed to "Repent." What the hell was God on?

MLLERMANDA: Gauges was wearing the same outfit as before and was playing with his hair. He was pretty happy to be back at the festival and was more exciting than ever. He tries to look around for anyone who came last time about the whole ghost incident.

KR-O: "Well, it's not like this is something we can control. They were witness to it so they're here at their own expense. Still, we should hurry to find this ghost before it tries anything," Dumb festival-goers or not, it was still their duty to protect them. Shades wasn't going to take any chances and readied his weapon.

"Perhaps we can use civilians as a distraction. Attack her while she's busy with them. Could double as a lesson to take ghosts more seriously," said Fedora. Honestly the fact that these people didn't take this seriously was annoying him, but what can you do. He slammed his can on the ground, making blades pop out.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Fascinator licked his plain vanilla ice cream as he watched other festival participants pass by. Of course, a few gave him a stare because of him sucking the top of his ice cream sometimes. Why did he do this? Well Fascinator's teeth are sensitive to temperatures and licking doesn't get enough ice cream. He seemed to be extremely naive to the fact of the ghost news as he calmly ate ice cream in the pleasant sunshine. Knittens chomped on cookies&cream ice cream, nibbling on his waffle cone when the ice cream was gone on the top. Probably getting more ice cream on his face then in his mouth.

SAIYAN: "What else is new?" Undershirt asked Strappon. He and Wristband came up behind Strappon and looked into the crowd. "They just never seem to learn. And I agree with you there, Fedora"

Wristband nodded her head as she played with her wristband. "Some people are really freaking dumb" she said in agreement

HITA: Despite how little he seemed to care for this species, Mahsk had to stare incredulously at Fedora's comment. Really? "Naymmo? Yna oui paehk caneuic?" Despite his diminutive stature and hidden face, you could tell he was judging Fedora hardcore. He looked to the sky as if to ask his brethren why humans were like this. He got no answer.

"The humans in Daten are sturdier than you're giving them credit for. They can handle this if they leave it to those of us suited to dealing with them." Bifocals sighed, her spear appearing from a second set of glasses. "Best deal with it quick, I've got work in a couple hours." Not like she didn't have vacation saved.

With all this going on, Brooch seemed to be looking for someone. Maybe.

MLLERMANDA: Bobby Pin was pretty pissed off and wanted to ditch this whole idea on the festival. However, after the news about the ghost and how everyone is gathering around she decides to go back and try again, looking for a group that she was not able to find last time. Still wearing causal dating clothes, she heads off and looks around making sure she wouldn't get distracted.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Bangle yawned. Yeah, she knew the objective was to take down this ghost and all but she also knew this place had some wonderful food stands all over the place and if you thought for a second she'd pass that up then you were mistaken. She went by a variety of food stands, stacking sweets along as she went. Food first. Fight later. Regret even later.

Scrunchy on the other hand was hiding under one of the stands. Why? She didn't even know. Maybe it was the fact tHERE WAS A GHOST HERE? WHO DOES THIS STUFF FOR FUN? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND-Oh my god a nickle. She crawled out from underneath the table admiring the shiny coin (Needless to say some festival-goers were slightly disrupted when a person was birthed out from underneath a stand).

WINDSOR: There was a story to be had in this place. While he was off preparing for his next broadcast, the fallen angel news anchor had noticed the broadcast go out. And then ghost that appeared on such. Windsor had never been a fighter, not by any means. His weapon was sound currents and you can only do so much with those. He supposed he could throw his microphone at a ghost if it got to be too much but otherwise he was just here for publicity. He followed to where the news was of course! And maybe to get an icecream.

KR-O: Fedora returned the stare, feeling uneasy about Mahsk's presence."Who's lost child is that?" No matter, he can ignore Mahsk. It's what he does best.

Caplet had separated themselves from the main group, paying attention to the food being offered more than the task at hand. They're not too concerned either way as they deem themselves quite capable of defending both themself and others if anything happened.

BRIT: "Bro, please try to be less conspicuous." Blazer mumbled as they adjusted their namesake and shades, "You need to be cool. We don't want to panic everyone, damn." They looked over the crowd of people under their shades almost with disinterest and scoffed at Fedora's comment.

"Civilians are the people we're protecting. That would create chaos if we used them as fodder." Strappon argued, sending a glare off to Fedora for his previous comment.

Meanwhile, Jacket was busy taggin along behind all the other Angels and Thrones from the Abbey, pretty much oblivious to the conversation. Wow, this was great. A new Ghost fight! He was gonna look so cool.

GAMER-GODDESS: "Oh wow, I've never seen so many humans in one place before!" A sparkle in her eye as she gazed at her surroundings. "This 'festival' is glorious!" Fib'yuh'luh squealed as she bounced into the crowds, checking out all the food stands. "What should we get first? Maybe we get some of the ice cream?" They said examining various signs.

Dashing after her was a clearly distressed Thigh High. "You can't just run off like that, we're not here to play." The angel sighed as she dragged the throne back to the group by the hood of her coat. How can someone so old be so childish... "But, if you behave I'll buy you some ice cream."

NAIVESPACEMAN: Behind the nearest, tallest thing, Buckle was sitting in the shadows and waiting with a boom box in her arms. She had it loaded and ready with her selected theme song. It did look a little rough though. She'd been practicing throwing it against the ground to make sure it lands just right and doesn't fall over and fuck up the sound. Buckle always thought ahead! Just the many qualities of being a big hero.

HITA: Child? Who did this ape think he was. Mahsk turned his attention to Shades and gestured rudely at Fedora. "Bmayca damm drec sykkud aydehk pypuuh du kad rec rayt uid uv rec nayn yht maynh cusa nacbald." Bifocals snorted at this comment, trying to hide her amusement. She did agree with Strappon by nodding but honestly was too amused.

Spotting Scrunchy, Brooch stopped, looked around, noticed Windsor, and considered what she could do to drag them with her to hang out. People shouldn't be crawling on the ground and Windsor was _fancy_. Not as fancy as Gogo though. She stepped up to Scrunchy with a grin. "Hi there, lady!"

KR-O: Fedora scoffed, "It's not like it'll be possible to keep civilian casualties at zero considering we can't have eyes everywhere." He took out some shades and put them on, snapping his fingers. "That being said, I'm splitting off." Honestly, he can't stand immortal presence any longer.

Shades sighed, putting away his weapon, "Guess you got a point. I've just been on edge thinking about how they could have beefed up that ghost."

SAIYAN: "You're no fun Strappon" Undershirt said with a laugh. He knew he would never allow civilian casualties. "But we don't need a plan anyway. I'm going to kick that ghost's ass back to hell where it belongs."

Meanwhile Wristband scanned the area for any sign of the ghost. "How the hell are we going to find this thing?" Wristband asked to no one in particular.

BRIT: Jacket spotted Buckle and grinned, splitting off from the group. "Hey, Buckle! Oh! You're--" He stopped being loud and leaned in to whisper, "You're being super secret and stuff, what's with the boombox? 'Bout to school some scrubs at breakdances?"

"You can't beef up a fuckin' ghost. Not by much. We'll just spear them on the pavement harder." Blazer said as they stretched. This is why you are still fallen, dumbass.

"Whatever." Strappon huffed at Fedora, "I'll just want to keep an eye to make saure there's as little as possible. And I'm not trying to be fun, I'm doing my job, unlike some people."

PYROMANTIIC: Well maybe he should just go to an icecream store for an icecream, as the tent for them was pretty much stretching all the way around the fair. Whatever, he came here to be casual, so maybe he should just go change into his casual clothes and enjoy the day. Really now, besides that ghost and all the people whom it concerned rallying to this place, it at least gave him an opportunity to see who else he was going to be stuck with down on this dirt ball.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens spots Fib'yuh'luh and his eyes sparkled. Another alien. More space people. Yesssss! Running over after engulfing all of his ice cream he jumped onto her with a hug and a loud exclaimation of, "Hi!!! You're from space right?!" Fascinator was about to chase Knittens before seeing Fib'yuh'luh, and oh boy was he shocked. So shocked he dropped his ice cream. "Holy fucking shit....." Finally his tiny mind understood what he is seeing he felt his heart beat pick up as he felt a familiar feeling. "Please.... Just this once can this not happen?" he mumbles to himself while trying to learn how to surpress a blush.

MAGNUSMATEBA: Returning to the festival had hardly been a part of Gauntlet's plans for the night, a few museum blueprints needed some studying. Nevertheless, duty called and the first order of business was finding someone to hunt the ghost with. He heard the comment of Wristband and answered, coming out of the blue. "Look for a black and red thing I guess,? My guess is as good as yours, with this amount of people anybody could be the ghost."

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy blinked nervously, slowly placing the nickel in her pocket. Philip will be safe there. Though she couldn't deny; this magoka in front of her was FABULOUS. Scrunchy blew a raspberry and placed a hand on her own cheek as if to make sure she wasn't sick. "you looK SO COOL!!" She whisper shouted.

Tur'tl'nek couldn't help but laugh at Mahsk's comment, gently patting his shoulder. Yeah, that was pretty rude. Oh well. Dude's gone anyways. "So-Mahsk-Why exactly we come here anyways?" She blinked. Honestly. Nothing made sense. So.

SAIYAN: "What's that supposed to mean, Strap?" Undershirt asked with a smile. "Insinuating I haven't been doing my job?"

"No shit Sherlock. But it's not that easy. You think they just walk around like that? These ghosts are smarter than you give them credit for." Wristband said to Gauntlet.

NAIVESPACEMAN: Buckle turned immediately and almost gave Jacket a chop on the face! She had been found out! The ghost was going for her fir- Oh, it was just Jacket. "Oh! Jacket." She looked down to the boombox and when he pointed it out. She sat it down and put her hands on her hips. "No! It's-" She realized how loud her heroic voice was being and started whispering herself. "It's for my entrance when the ghost shows up. Part of beating a villain is a dazzling entrance!"

KR-O: "You'll have to excuse Fed-" Shades jumped at the sudden appearance of Gauntlet, gripping Blazer's namesake. Perhaps this was a sign that he was simply too stressed that he should heed. "Well, the ghost is either disguised or not. Looking at the TV report....seems like it isn't."

As Caplet was walking around the festival, on the look out for the ghost, they couldn't help but look at a tall figure with a few people surrounding them. /Oh no/ , that's one of the Originals. They shook their head, telling themselves they were letting their superstitions get the better of them. Hesitantly, they approached Thigh High, tapping their shoulder, "Ah hello, it's nice to see a familiar face here... " they looked at Fib'yuh'luh and pointed, "So, who may that be?"

HITA: Jerking back, Brooch grinned broadly at this person. "Thank you! I'm a magical girl so I have to look my best!" She spun in a circle to show off her very pretty dress. "My name is Brooch Symphonia! What's yours?"

Head tilting up, Mahsk considered Tur'tl'nek for a moment before swinging back his hood and taking off his namesake. Since people seemed intent on fighting, he might as well get ready. "E raynt drana fyc y vacdejym yht dryd uha uv draca ceh nettah drehkc crufat ib." He shrugged, trying to pinpoint the thing's location. Bifocals had vanished into the crowd.

OSCARK9: Gloves walks around at the festival, on a looked out for the ghost. He is happy that he's back at the festival, but seeing that theirs more people at the festival and he knows theirs a ghost at the festival. It's going to be hard for him to find a ghost and passing though people for him. "Man. Looked at all these people. It's going to be hard for use to find a ghost." He said to himself as he continues passing by people.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Fasciantor hoped the Knittens will be okay with this... person. There are angels there. He'll be fine. Plus cause of those two other gorgeous people his heart beat was intensifying. He can't deal. His doctors told him to stop this from happening. Fascinator ignored the slow growing volume of his pulse as he approached them. "This is for Knittens..!! You can't leave him you fucklord!" his voice of conscious screamed as his body started to shake of nervousness. Knittens was attempting to climb Fib'yuh'luh just like Tur'tl'nek.

BRIT: Even when the chop almost hit his face, Jacket didn't flinch. He just stood there smiling. Boy woulda been chopped in half, damn. "Dude, that's so rAD!" Jacket started to yell, but stopped himself, "Sorry, that's super cool! You're right, we gotta go this like experts!" His grin grew wider. "You wanna try to find the ghost?"

Blazer glared and readjusted thier glasses. "You are just too high-strung for this damn job." They said.

"Yes and no." Strappon said shortly in response to Undershirt,"Honestly, I'm just glad you're not like Shades." He pointed back to Shades with his thumb before placing his hand back on his hip. "That amount of stress isn't good for the soul. I think he's just scared." Was he mocking Shady? Likely. He was grinning a little.

GAMER-GODDESS: Turning around at the sound of the familiar voice, she offered a large grin "Oh, hey there!" Thigh High smiled, "This is my friend Fib-" Of course they weren't paying attention. Snapping her fingers in front of the Throne's face to gain their attention. "Caplet, this is Fib'yuh'luh. Fib'yuh'luh, this is Caplet."

"Ah, it's nice to meet you, Caplet." Fib'yuh'luh knelt down to get a good look at the angel. "You have a very pretty face!" She giggled as she stuck out her hand.

MAGNUSMATEBA: "Well if you look at what there is around here you've got tents, and a mass of people in a still somewhat confined area so it's not as bad as you might think. You haven't had to track a ghost on horseback through forests for miles, huh?" Retorted Gauntlet, unphased by Wristband's comment. He knew ghosts were smart and this one would be no different. To be fair, there are much harder ghosts to find but also much easier ones. "We should either move or gain altitude if possible, it would make the ghost easier to find"

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy's eyes only widened. This girl just kept getting cooler and cooler. SHE WOULD NEED TO INTRODUCE JACKET TO HER AT SOME POINT. Though, she was a bit too caught up in the moment to initially realize a question had been asked, Scrunchy eventually pulled herself out of her awe in order to reply to Brooch. "S-scrun.. crunch..cruncky. no.. erm.. Hair thing. ScrunCHY" She blurted out upon _finally_ remembering her name. "---why are you here-" She stammered. "not that you dont have the right-there's just. Spoop. Spoop is here."

Turt scratched her head and nodded. "Yeah... What did they call it? _A goat?_ " ... maybe goat was synonymous with ghost. Or maybe Turt misheard. it was one of the two. Logically. "... Goats make loud noises from what I'm aware of." She scratched her chin. God. You are a mis-informed glowstick.

MLLERMANDA: While trying to look for others, Gauges notices an ice cream stand. His stomach growls loudly as he stares at the stand. He walks closer to the stand and decides to order a strawberry sundae. While walking with his sundae, he notices a man with a microphone. He walks up closer to him and stands right next to him. He looks at the man for the moment, blankly and quietly. He carries his ice cream with one hand while using his other hand to wave. " Hey."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Fascinator not so subtly ripped Knittens away from Fib'yuh'luh and quickly stutters a sorry. He didn't stay around and dragged Knittens away; gently scolding his little cousin from doing this. "Knittens! You can't climb people! I thought that was obvious..." Knittens was half paying-attention before spotting Tur'tl'nek, looking at Fasci with a giant grin. He immediately broke out of his grasp and ran towards Turt with arms open, shouting, "SPACE BUDDY!" You only met her once, child.

KR-O: "Heeey!" Shades whined, "I'm doing my job at least, it's impossible to ask me to take it easier when I'm trying to keep up..." He stopped to listen to what he just said. Maybe that's the problem. "I won't say I'm scared but I will admit I am a bit jumpy," he huffed, crossing his arms. "Although, I don't recommend gaining any sort of altitude, that will alert the ghost to our presence. We should just start moving," which he started doing.

"O-Oh my...well thank you!" There was a slight blush upon Caplet's face as they slowly reached for Fib-yuh-luh's hand, giving it a firm shake. "The pleasure is mind, really. My, what lovely hair you have."

SAIYAN: Undershirt just laughed. "Yeah that dude needs to chill the fuck out sometimes." Says the guy that fights everyone.

"Why would you ever need to chase a ghost down on horse back?" Wristband asked Gauntlet.

HITA: "My cousin has a whole bunch of scrunchies in her apartment! I love wearing them when I clean." Brooch giggled a bit at the messing up, it was super cute. "I'm a ghost hunter! I used to uh... you know, best not to think about that! But I've got these two things I used to beat them up!" She gestured to the cart her beloved Eyes of Eden were in. "I have tech and stuff too, but it's easier to swing these around."

Goat? No. That couldn't be right. Thinking back to it, he snapped his fingers. "Y krucd!" He nodded to himself, smiling up at his adopted child and gesturing for them to try and find said thing. He wondered how Ovr'kot would react to one of these again.

NAIVESPACEMAN: Buckle smiled proudly thanks to the praise that Jacket was giving her. Honestly, encouraging her like this wasn't healthy for anyone involved. Bad Jacket. "Go find the ghost? Usually heroes wait for the ghosts to show up before they jump into action." Buckle patted a finger to her chin a few times. "But, with everyone itching to fight it themselves, it would be really cool to find it first and beat it up ourselves! Do you know how to find ghosts?"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox looked around after hearing her stomach rumble. She'd found a hotdog stand and she wondered off , she purchased one and she walked around eating the phallic food. Fox looks around and with a shrug she walks on without a care in the world. She noticed the angels and the thrones ,"Aaaand now I worry."

MAGNUSMATEBA: "Ever heard of the headless horseman?" Gauntlet asked rhetorically "he is-er... was a tough son of a bitch. Turns out it wasn't just stories but an actual thing. Me and the fallen I was leading back in my watcher days chased him down. We never got him ourselves but I heard another group repented that ghost but i'm not sure if that's accurate" Gauntlet reflected on the events of the night from too long ago. "It was in a remote part of colonial america, the humans seemed like to keep the legend going so nobody ever told them he was repented."

GAMER-GODDESS: Caught off guard by the force, thoughts stopped for a moment "Why thank you... Y-you're hair is also very nice!" Fib'yuh'luh chuckled standing up straight. Thigh High simply sighed as she stared at the Throne, making friends on her own. They grow up so fast.

Glancing down at Knittens, Fib'yuh'luh grinned "Hello there, little one"

ROAMINGPANDAS: "Oh-Right, a ghost. Goats are cute though.." She whispered. If only they were looking for a goat. About ready to scout around, Turt was greeted by Knittens once more. She grinned, leaned down and picked up the child in her arms. "Knittens! It's a pleasure to see you again!" Oh wait. She had to look for a Goat. "Knittens, have you seen a goat around-" She paused. "A ghost around" Turt couldn't help but look down to Mahsk almost pleadingly. The earth child was too cute, ok.

Scrunchy on the other hand was almost in heaven upon hearing there's a stash of scrunchy's somewhere over the rainbow. She'd have to ask for a street address later. "Ghost.. hUNter. wh.. HOW DO YOU DO THIS FOR fuN ITS FREAKIN SCARY" She whined, tugging on her own hair. "I can baRELY TIE MY SHOES HOW DO YOU FIGHT"

KR-O: "Headless Horseman? You mean a Dullahan, correct? I doubt that one was the last of his kind otherwise there would have been an uproar older Angels would know of." Shades explained. Though, Dullahans are a force to be reckoned with.

Caplet stared a little absentmindedly at Fib'yuh'luh before realizing that they're spacing out, "Oh please it doesn't compare to mine! But thank you regardless." They paused for a bit, then spoke, "So I take it neither of you have found what we're looking for?"

MLLERMANDA: Bobby Pin get grumbles a few words to herself, looking for demons and now for ghosts. She wanted to find out more about them and was having no luck on finding any. However, she notices someone familiar. The angel that helped her out last time she was here. She tilts her head out of confusion, trying to remember his name. She frowns though and decides to go up to him. She taps his shoulder and gave a standoffish pose.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens hugged Turt's leg and attempted to climb her again and replies, "Nyope! I saw another space person over there though! But I don't think they noticed me." Fascinator's jaw almost dropped, how did this child find another space being in no less than 5 minutes!? HOW?! He slowly sank down onto the ground as he contemplated leaving Knittens with this person and coming back later. Well... He can't leave a fricken child alone but maybe he can make a new friend while he's with his buddy. Fasci slowly realized taking care of 10-year old child destroyed his social life as he was left alone.

SAIYAN: "No, I haven't cared enough to look at the history books my friend" Wristband said to Gauntlet. She really didn't care about what happened in the past, she'd rather focus on the here and now.

"Look at the big brain on Shady, didn't think you were a book worm. I always took you for the weeb gamer type, not book smart" Undershirt said to Shades.

BRIT: "Good idea, Shades." Strappon agreed, following after him. "Unless we split up, we won't cover any ground, but I think this scenery is better to travel in groups. We'll hear screams eventually." He didn't enjoy the fact that they were literally using the crowd to find the ghost, but he did highly doubt he would find them, otherwise. "And I think it's a fairly common ghost in America. Back when the Panty Raiders were still around, we took on a similar kind of ghost. This one actually isn't too far off from a Japanese myth I read once..."

"Nah, I have no idea!" Jacket laughed, "But we'll definitely find it, first!" He started to get excited, so he was getting a little loud. "C'mon, let's get set and go!" He said, holding back his excitement, "I'm fuckin' pumped!"

PYROMANTIIC: Well after disappearing for a few minutes, Windsor was back in action! Except looking like a tool, even more than usual! He had on some sort of undershirt with the sleeves rolled up, with a vest, sunglasses, jeans and sneakers. That didnt stop the man from standing out though, especially when he accidentally bumped into Scrunchy. "Pardon- Oh hello." He said with a grin. "Fancy seeing you not in a rioting grocery store."

HITA: Raising an unimpressed eyebrow, Mahsk considered the small human child with barely concealed distaste. Likely not because he was a child or human, but because he was distracting Mahsk's child. Perhaps it might help? He didn't know. He did consider the person by Turt however. "Rammu." Might as well try to be friendly.

"Oh, I, uh..." Her attention nabbed by the arrival of that guy from the store. She blinked, paused, and then struck a heroic pose and somehow there was a cinematic effect like you might find in a magical girl show. Don't ask. "There's never a need to fear, for a hero is here! I'm fighting for the world because I'm a magical girl!" Yeah. That.

Bifocals seemed to be following a trail only she could find.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She looks around for a familiar face. Fox sees kittens and she walked over. She looked up and waved to Turt , then down to Kittens,"sup you two.." She said with a hand on her hip ,"you guys have any luck yet?"

NAIVESPACEMAN: Buckle stood up fully now, grabbing the boom box and hoisting it over her shoulder. "Alright then!" Since she wasn't hiding and waiting anymore, there was no need to whisper now! The full force of her heroic voice will be heard by al- Wait, she didn't know how to find the ghost either. "Uh.. So, where should we start looking then?"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens smiled to wingdings with virtually no idea what he just said. "Hi!" he replies without any regret. He looks over to Fox and again waves, "Hiya! And nyope. Maybe Fasci will find 'em."

KR-O: Gogo finally made an appearance in the festival, hoping that it would have cleared out a little after a performance somewhere else in the city. That wasn't the case as they looked around, but no matter. They're flexible. Literally too. They stopped at one of the stands to get a drink for their poor vocal chords and began walking around the place to see if they could find a familiar face. They were beginning to get discouraged until they saw someone's fabulous hair. "Is that who I think it is?" Said Gogo, announcing their presence to who they assumed was Brooch.

GAMER-GODDESS: "Nope, have not seen anything out of the ordinary yet. Although we did arrive only a few minutes ago..." Fib'yuh'luh answered. "Perhaps we should split up into groups and search for the ghost?"

"Yes, just like in my cartoons..." Thigh High thought aloud, rubbing her hands together and cackling like a maniac.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy squirmed a bit, backing up so that she would have her own space. Wallet. Grocery store. Purple thing. Right. This was _that guy_ .. She sputtered nervously before blurting out "SORRY ABoUT YOUR WALLET" She said before fidgeting through her pockets and holding out.. a small nickel. Phillip. She knew you well. "I.." She paused to wipe away a tear. "This is all I have" She looked clearly upset. "J-Just take it" She clutched her chest with her other hand. Parting with Philip would be so hard. She'd known him only a short time. But in that time she learned of his troubled past, his life of crime, and his redemption. There was a bond, an unbreakable bond, between Scrunchy and Philip. Or you know, maybe she's just fucking delusional.

BRIT: "Everywhere!" Jacket said confidently. How useful he was. He looked around more and pointed in one direction. "Ooooor, we could start here?"

Blazer was looking, but couldn't find any signs. They were clearly getting annoyed, especially at the accompanying. Trying to steal their thunder. "Okay, so we listen for screams. Got it. Lame, though." They said, looking over at their chicken for a brother.

NAIVESPACEMAN: "Everywhere?" Buckled looked out at the entire area. How were they going to watch over this whole place? Well, she guessed they could find the highest spot here and look around on tha- Or Jacket could pick a specific direction to go in. "That sounds good!" Buckle immediately rushed off to that direction.

MAGNUSMATEBA: "I only ever heard of one Shades, the one I chased. All I am in the ability of confirming is the existence and possible repentance of the headless horseman."Gauntlet paused collecting his thoughts. "This was about two centuries ago so the details are fuzzy but I would not be surprised to hear of a headless horseman coming up or having come up again." His anecdote ending, Gauntlet tried to switch the topic. "So do we have any leads for now? I had other -ummm... things planned for after this festival..."

OSCARK9: While Gloves is on a look out for a ghost and out of the pack of people. He felt someone that's tapping on his shoulder and turn his head to see who's tapping him. When he did, it was a girl that he helped out last time. He couldn't remember her name, but it's good to see someone at the festival. "Hey their, Miss. Nice to see you again." He said to her and gave her a smile. He notice that she's doing a standoffish pose and made him wonder what's wrong with her. "Is something the matter?" He questions her.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She yawns and stretches she walks past a stand that hosted a little game. Pfft who needs fluffy animals of comforting goodness?- She moonwalks back to the stand after noticing a hamster plushie, guess Stole does. Fox played said game and she won it. She pets it and she walks over to Kittens, holding it behind her ,"hey kittens I got a little surprise for ya'. Before you get to ghost hunting that is, that'd be surprise number two."

PYROMANTIIC: Well he regretted his choice immediately. "O-oh." He commented, staring down at Brooch in confusion, tilting his head in a why sort of why, before he looked down to Scrunchy half in confused as she blurted out something about his- wallet. Oh yeah. Now he remembered. He pouted, tsked and placed a hand on his hip as he removed his sunglasses. "Yeah, well. Its fine. Not like there was anything of use in it." Before he paused once more and stared at the nickle. "Ya know- uh- miss." He began, kneeling down slightly so he could look scrunchy in the eye, as his announcer themed voice began more clear. "Since you were SUCH a good sport about it, I am going to let you keep- 'Phillip' absolutely free!" Before he stood up again and directed his attention to Brooch. "So- anyway! What are you two doing hanging around a place like this! Don't tell me youre looking for that silly ghost."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Fascinator sighs as he watched Knittens from a distance, making sure everything was okay. He glances back to his surroundings before literally turning red. For what he saw was the glory of Gogo, Windsor, and Brooch. He could hear his heart beat picking up like he exercised for 3 hours, he put both his hands to his chest as he shook in place. There is just so much hotness a man can handle, and for Fasci, he was overheating. Knittens eyes widen as his smile increased. He excitedly jumped up and down while asking happily, "What is it?!" He was an overjoyed child.

HITA: Brooch frowned at the easy dismissal of her actual job. "Well, you know, my job. Hunting ghosts. Which I do. For a living. That's what I'm here for." Still, her smile was right back in place in an instant. "But isn't that nice of Mister Purple Man over here? You get to keep Phillip!"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She smiled and gave him the hamster plushie, which mind you was almost the size of him,"Figured if you got split up, you'd want some company, sooo I gotcha a lil criceto."

KR-O: "I mean, you're not wrong Undershirt," Shades replied, "Though you should look at the tomes I keep at home. They're ridiculously large." Strappon's tale sounded interesting, perhaps he should ask more later, but it reminded him of his own experiences, "I know at one point a group and I went to take care of an alleged Chupacabra but it turned out to be a messed up ghost. It was a something." "Anyways, its Dullahan. You know, headless warrior spirits? But now, we haven't head people scream yet to tell us the presence of the ghost."

Caplet frowned, "That's unfortunate, but perhaps we should go in a group? That way it isn't difficult to pin down the ghost."

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy stared blankly, holding Phillip in the palm of her hand. Today is a day that shall be remembered as the day Windsor fucked up. Scrunchy pocketed her shiny friend once more and gave this news reporter the most sincere of hugs. "YoU'RE COOL" She grinned, letting go of Windsor. She then proceeded to almost jaw drop at what Brooch said next. _"For a lIVING?!"_ she whisper shouted once more. Though, The magnificent pair of legs in the back caught the shoplifter's attention. She leaned her head to the side to get a better look at Go-Go. "uh--Hello..?" She scratched her head. Dang these legs were tall.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens exclaims with absolute happiness at his new friend. He hugged the plushie hard and repeatedly chanted thanks to Fox. He showed the plushie to Turt and with pride asked, "Isn't Sir Squibbles cool!?" He looks back to Fox with gratitude as he petted the giant plushie of a hamster. Fascinator was in a fetal position, both dark red as he attempted to cope with all the beauty. A single thought echoing in his mind, "THEYRE SO DAMN HOT WHAT DO I DO I WANNA TALK TO THEM BUT HOW DO YOU EVEN MY HEART BURNS WITH THE PASSION OF 6 SUNS."

MLLERMANDA: Gauges walks away from everyone and decides to eat alone at the ground. He tries to eat his ice cream happily however, he hates it that no one is talking to him. He stares at his ice cream angrily before putting it to the side and crossing his arms. " Hmph, why is no one talking to me. I'm a good person" He mumbles to himself before hugging himself and rocking back and forward, feeling uncomfortable.

She stares at him blankly and not responding to his getting. Bobby gives out a light yawn and cracks her wrists before giving an answer. "Have you found anything yet? You know the whole ghost thing and what not."

KR-O: Gogo felt some staring eyes, but they couldn't exactly tell from where- oh! Looking down, they saw Scrunchy 'admiring' their legs that could possibly crush a man's skull. "Oh hello there deary," they replied.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox chuckled softly and replied , "Prego Kittens." She smiled and walked off, finding his antics absolutely adorbs. She walked off to Gauges and she looked down at him ,"Feelin lonely dude?" Fox raised a brow.

PYROMANTIIC: Scrunchy please. "Uh- thank you?" He responded at the compliment before he focused back to Brooch. This couldn't be real, surely. Well hold the phone right there. Windsor's eyes glanced up as he spotted someone remarkably fabulous. Gogo, huh? As Windsor took one last look down at Brooch he laughed. "No no you can't be serious." He muttered tilting his head. "Really? Why." He shook his head and chuckled, focusing back up. "Looks like our little party over here is growing." He slowly put his sunglasses back on placing his hands on his hips and looked over the tops of them at Gogo. "Hello there. Come to join the fray of insanity, I see?"

MAGNUSMATEBA: "Which is exactly my problem Shades, it's the calm before the storm." The waiting felt unpleasant. "It's exactly the fact that nobody screamed for help that kills me." Gauntlet continued. "I have museum blueprints to go study for- ah shit..." Gauntlet swore under his breath. This was not the kind of thing he should ever talk about with anybody.

SAIYAN: "You mean those giant ass books? I thought those were old ass paper weights. Anyway, we just going to wait until someone screams bloody murder? Sounds easier than trying to find a needle in they hay stack" Undershirt said to Shades folding his arms.

Wristband continued to look around for the ghost. Looks like she kinda just made herself look out or something.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy blinked. THERE WAS A BODY ATTACHED TO THESE LEGS?! She looked up, to see the complete lack of a waist.. and proceeding upper body. Oh. Right. Ok. Scrunchy gave a small wave and looked to Brooch and back to Gogo. "Do you two know each other or something?" She asked. No. Clearly there was no hints. Besides the fact that all fabulous people must know one another. That's how things work. Right? No? Oh well then.

MLLERMANDA: Gauges looks up and sees that someone was talking to him. And that made him pretty happy but.. he wanted more. He gives out a nod towards Fox and was holding a lighter. " Yeah, I feel pretty lonely and I need someone to give me my daily attention." He says that with a whiny tone.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Fascinator stood up with the passion of only a lovestruck idiot would have . THIS DAY IS THE FUCKING DAY I'LL GET OVER THIS!!! His eyes were filled with determination as he walked over to them with absolute confidence and a smile! Knittens played with his new plushie happily and squished it plenty before noticing his cousin actually facing his fears. He felt pride for his guardian.

OSCARK9: Gloves replied, "Nope. I've been passing by people to find the ghost and no luck on my end." He answers her question. "By the way, since we've meet last time. I forgot to introduce myself. The names Gloves." He said to her and extending his right hand to see if she accepts his handshake.

KR-O: "Join the insanity? Oh no deary, I'm just here to chat a little bit with a friend before my manager nags at me." They giggled a bit to themselves and looked at Scrunchy, "Yes... More or less, but I would like to think as Brooch as a friend regardless!"

GAMER-GODDESS: "Alright then, it's decided." Slamming her right fist into her left palm, Thigh High grinned mischievously. "Let's go find ourselves a ghost!" She announced triumphantly as she marched away from the group confidently.

Resting a hand on the angel's shoulder, Fib'yuh'luh stops Thigh High in her tracks. "Perhaps it would be best if we knew what we were looking for, BEFORE we jump to conclusions. Caplet, do you happen to anything about the ghost?"

HITA: She was close. She knew it. Her spear wasn't the most discreet of weapons and she'd turned it back to glasses some time back. Tensing, her attention was brought to a malevolent presence that seemed to appear from nowhere. It made her skin crawl. Turning, a flash of black, red, and orange made her weapon appear and she raced to meet her foe.

KUCHISAKE-SHOUJO: In that flash, Kuchisake-Shoujo had jumped out to attack Bifocals. She dodged the attack and practically hissed at the Angel.

"A witch like you would look so nice with a few additions to your face~" She said, chuckling.

BRIT: Jacket jumped at the loud screams that erupted from the crowd. WELL THAT WAS A GHOST.

Strappon was alarmed at the flash of weapons and ghost flames. Ohhh boy. "There!" He shouted, "Good work, Bifocals!"

Blazer yanked off their namesake in no time to temporalThrasher. "This bitch was stalking us!? How bad are we?" He spat.

MLLERMANDA: Bobby does not accept his hand shake and just stares at him disappointingly. "That's unless information." She lets out a sigh and crosses her arms. "Name is Bobby Pin but everyone I know just calls me Bobb-." She hears a sound and turns around, seeing a ghost attacking some people." A ghost!" She grins as she turns towards the ghost and runs. " Shit, you're going to miss Gloves. Isn't this the shit you're looking for?"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She rests her hands on her hips ," why wait for it when you can just get up and get it?" She crouched next to him. Not gettin dirt on her skirt, no thank you. She heard the scream,"weeelll shit , you attracted some unwanted attention." Fox removed her namesake , and let it transform into volpe.

(( OOC: The Combat Thread: http://dcmissionaries.boards.net/thread/121/ghost-kuchisake-shoujo ))

HITA: Snarling at the ghost, Bifocals honestly felt insulted. "Don't test me, little girl!" Driving forward, she lashed out with her spear, striking the ghost hard and then ducking out of the way to avoid any backlash from her own attack.

NAIVESPACEMAN: Buckle turned on a time, stopping and twisting to look in the direction of the screams. There! There's the ghost! Time to jump into action! Buckle ran to the area and when she was within earshot of the ghosts and anyone near the ghost, she threw the boom box down on the ground. "TOH!" She shouted, jumping up and flipping to land onto her feet on a port-a-potty. The boom box blasted out 'DUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!' playing her "theme song." "Villainous ghost! You'll meet your maker for the Holy Hero, BUCKLE, has arrived!" She took a heroic pose.

MLLERMANDA: "But it's better if peop-" He hears the scream as well and drops his ice cream completely. He gets up quickly and was about to deny the fact until removed her namesake. " OMG, woah. It's the ghost from before. Should we check it out?" He decides to follow Fox.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: "Motherfu-" Fox pauses and she nods, beginning to run in the direction of said scream, " Hell yeah we should ,let's bring it ! " she stops and prepares to attack.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Yeah, nope. Fascinator's confidence literally disappeared as his cheeks glowed red. What am I doing here?! Go back into the fetal position....!! Shit, too far in to go out now...!! SHIT WHAT DO I SAY?! Calm down...! Be intelligent... But before he could say a word, Fascinator hears screaming and gulps. NEED TO FIND KNITTENS! Without saying a word he sprints to find his little cousin. Knittens was in complete awe of Buckle and took no mind to a ghost that was blood hungry. "Wowww!!"

(( OOC: For those of you not on Skype, please do not roll and/or post out of turn. You get one roll per each of the ghost's rolls. You must wait until those that rolled before you have posted in order for this to work. Thank you. In this RP, Kuchi will always follow after Bifocals. Despite the first post rolls. ))

KUCHISAKE-SHOUJO: Kuchi hissed at the pain that she felt, only getting more aggrivated. She growled and tossed scissors from under her skirt straight at Bifocals.

"Eat this, bitch! This will make your complexion much more even!" She laughed, "I bet you love the pain, don't you~?"

She glared at the other Angels gathering around her, her grin growing wider.

"Hoooo~? More people want a MAKEOVER?"

MLLERMANDA: Gauges stares at the ghost, awed at her but at the same time fearing her. He holds his hands together and wants to take part of the action but holds himself off from it. "Wow!"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She raised an eyebrow," girl if that's a makeover your ass needs to go back to whatever beauty school hell you came from and learn a thing or two." She glared at the ghost, in the name of all things makeup this girl needs some help.

(( OOC: Correction to previous post: if you miss, post whenever. If you hit, wait your turn. ))

SAIYAN: "Welp, guess that's our cue" Undershirt said as he ran towards the ghost. He transformed his name sake into his flail and swung.

BRIT: Jacket nearly swooned at the action and pulled out his blade. He was so ready to fight! He dodged a couple stray blades that had made their way into the crowd, protecting the people. "Ah, nuts! This is more work!" He shouted, "I'll protect the people!"

SAIYAN: *and hit her

KR-O: Shades twirled his namesake and summoned Lionhearted I. He wasted no time in taking a swing at her but this was one nimble ghost. Missing his hit, Shades began getting concerned about his accuracy.

HITA: Bifocals grunted, lip curled back as she deflected as many scissors as she could with her spear. She looked like a pin cushion honestly. Her fingers slipped on her spear, the weapon dropping and becoming glasses once more. Ugh.

Watching that weird anime guy land a hit gave Brooch a boost in confidence and determination to hit her. Eyes of Eden swinging around, they slammed into the ghost twice. "Sorry, sweetie, but I'm a little too fabulous to get a makeover!"

ROAMINGPANDAS: Bangle's stomach audibly growled. But as she looked around, people left and right were fleeing the area. Great. How will she pay for this cinnamon roll? She sighed, looking over to where the fight was breaking out. No. She didn't want a makeover. She wanted to eat this fucking cinnamon roll. She sighed and placed the lovely roll down. It was too beautiful for this world. She spun her bangle out until it transformed into a chakram, taking aim at the ghost from afar. Good idea. Great idea. Fabulous, splendid idea. It missed.

Scrunchy on the other hand was about ready to reply when SHE SAW A SPOOP. In her utter panic she grabbed a chair and went to throw it at the ghost. Clearly this didn't work. As the ghost was a fair bit away. As the chair didn't go but a few feet. And as the fact remains that a chair, is indeed, not a weapon blessed by the heavens and usable to repent ghosts. "... I'M OUT" she shouted before grabbing a table to the side of herself and using it as cover as she ran out of the festival.

GAMER-GODDESS: "So, you finally decided to show your ugly mug, eh?" Thigh High quipped, takng off her namesake and summoning Hold-Up. "Maybe you shouldn't run in guns blazing?" Fib'yuh'luh suggested Thigh High dashed forward completely missing the the Throne's warning. She attempted to stab the ghost, only to end up missing by a landslide. "Ugh, why do all ghosts have to be so fast!"

Fib'yuh'luh just groaned at the angel's actions.

KUCHISAKE-SHOUJO: Kuchisake-Shoujo hissed more as she had been hit, scrambling to dodge more of the attacks. She threw more blades into the crowd.

"Ugly beasts!" She hissed at everyone, "You should all be as pretty as me!"

She ran further into the crowd.

KR-O: Seeing the ghost run by, Fedora gave chase until she was into a clearing. There he extended his whip, applying holy water and grazed her. This was an unsatisfactory result but he'll have to accept it.

KUCHISAKE-SHOUJO: Screaming at the grazing of Holy Water, she turned to Fedora. "How dare you do this to me, you freak!" She screamed, "I'm going to slice your face up real good!"

BRIT: Blazer, seeing the opportunity but not being fast enough, paniced a little. "FUCK." They screamed before tossing temporalThrasher at Kuchi, piercing her leg.

Blazer stared straight ahead, in shock. "O-oh. It... It hit." They said. "Huh."

"FINISH HER OFF WHILE SHE'S DOWN!" Strappon screamed from the crowd, clearly trying to keep away from the scissors.

OSCARK9: "Oh yes!" He answers Bobby Pin. Summoning his Gloves into Gauntlets he follows the screams and saw the Ghost and the rest of the Angels. "Alright, lets do this!" He said to himself while punching his fist together. He runs to the ghost and tries to hit her but he missed her instead. "Shit! I missed!" He said to himself.

KR-O: Fedora resigned himself to taking a fatal blow as Kuchisake was now infuriated. Thankfully his knight in shining....well there's no armor on this kid. However, Blazer had distracted Kuchisake long enough for him to make a quick escape. Adios.

NAIVESPACEMAN: "Ugliness is on the inside, you fiend! And I can see you look like a butt on the inside!" Buckle pulled out her katars and twirled them a bit. "Finishing move!" She leaped up into the air and turned. She attached the katars to her boots and started falling towards the ghost, in kicking position. The katar and her boot soon met with the ghost's face. "Slicing Hero Kick! In heaven's name, I punish thee! Repent!"

KUCHISAKE-SHOUJO: There was a scream of rage emminating from Kuchisake-Onna and, in her last-ditch effort, tried to chase Fedora. The booming sound of Buckle's voice rang through the air and she want silent, turning to see the katar-donned boots zoom into her face.

It was almost slow motion as she slowly fell backward. Twitching, screaming, she stood, vibrating wildly.

"Y-you--! YOU!! You made me --! BEAUTIFUL!" She screamed as she exploded into a million tiny pieces.

Poetic.

BRIT: "That was quick." Shroud said from the top of a building, turning to Amulet, who scoffed in return. "Pathetic. We'll have to do more research on Lost Souls to create more powerful ghosts." He said, " She was weak. You should have let Hairpin tweak with it."

Shroud made a sort of coughing noise, but didn't reply before the two disappeared into convenient shadows.

Jacket's eyes sparkled wildly. "OH MY GOD, BUCKLE. YOU WERE SO AMAZING." He shrieked. "THAT WAS THE RADDEST SHIT!"

Strappon walked out of the crowd of stunned citizen and cleared his throat, pulled out his megaphone and stepping on a convenient box. "Good work, Angels." He announced. He then stepped down.

KR-O: "Well, that takes care of that," Shades said, putting away his namesake. He noticed Blazer's weapon and retrieved where it turned back into Blazer's namesake. Dang this was a nice blazer. He quickly went to Strappon's side, getting that box out of the way. We don't need people tripping on that.

MLLERMANDA: Bobby Pin was about to attack but it seems that the party ended quicker than she thought. She clenches her fits in annoyance and turns away. " Waste of time..." She mumbles to herself.

Gauges awes at the angels and sways back and forward, thinking that they were pretty cool.

NAIVESPACEMAN: Buckle landed on the ground, inadvertantly stabbing those katars into the ground. Almost immediately after the ghost was defeated, she heard Jacket sending him more praise. Jacket, you really need to stop encouraging this idiot. She's already got herself killed once. "Oh, thanks! Did I really look that cool?" She pulled on her leg to pull the katar out of the ground. She was a little stuck. "I hope someone filmed that."

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox puts away her namesake and the children behind her run off. She looks around for kittens and gauges, "wonder if they're okay.." she looked around and crossed her arms, "hmph.. stupid ghost"

OSCARK9: "Okay, now that was a cool explosion." Gloves said to himself. He put his namesakes away and walks to the nearest ice cream stands to have a ice cream before he leaves. "One ice cream to go, please." He said to them.

SAIYAN: "Well, that happened fast" he said as he turned his flail back into his undershirt and put it on.

"I can't believe I didn't get a chance to do anything!" Wristband said in anger. This whole trip was a waste of time.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knitens cheered at Buckle, "YOU'RE SO AWESOME!!!" If only he was from space... if only. But still! Fascinator sighs in relief and pets Knittens head before noticing the plushie. "Eh? Where'd you get that?" "Sir Squibbles was a gift from a really nice person!" Knittens chimes and looks around. "is the festival over?"

HITA: Mahsk stared at Wristband in amusement, obviously understanding the feeling entirely. Even though he didn't like her much. Because she wanted to flirt with his spouse. Rude.

GAMER-GODDESS: Walking back over to the group, Thigh High de-transformed her namesake. "Well, I guess we're done here then, yeah? It's a shame it ended so quickly, I didn't even manage to land a single blow!" "Cheer up, friend. Since it is over, now we can go and taste the ice cream!" Fib'yuh'luh cheered. "Alright, I guess you earned it..." Thigh High said sheepishly as she walked towards the booths. "Hold on a moment." Fib'yuh'luh interrupted as she turned towards her new acquaintance "I do not wish to be rude. Caplet, would you like to come with us to get the ice cream?"

MLLERMANDA: Gauges sways back and forward some more, not knowing exactly what to do. He sees the person who defeats the ghost and silently praises them. Hearing that the person who saved everyone name is Buckle, he silently chants Buckle's name.

Bobby Pin growls to herself and kicks a trash can that caused a big mess.She was pretty mad that she barely did anything. She stepped all over of the trash and punches a wall, creating a hole in the wall. She didn't care if the others stared at her.

KR-O: Caplet was rather impressed with how quickly the Angels dispatched the ghost. Turning their attention back to their small group, "I would be delighted to accompany you. I did wanted to see what flavors I haven't tried myself."

BRIT: Jacket dropped his hand after he was about to say something. "Ah-shit! I forgot to record that!" He whined, "DAMN. It'll forever be in my memory! Everyone did so great!"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She praised buckle with a smile. She saw Pin walk away and she went to go check on her, Fox knew she was pissed but eh worth a shot.

NAIVESPACEMAN: Buckle pulled at her leg again, finally pulling the katar out of the ground for one leg and taking it off her boot. While starting to work on the other leg, Buckle looked over to Knitens. "Oh! Thank you! I was only doing my duty as a hero!" She didn't hear any of the praise from Gauges due to it being so silent. "Well. I'm sure someone recorded it. Everyone has a video camera nowadays!"

GAMER-GODDESS: "Wonderful, let us be off then!" Fib'yuh'luh beamed as she grabbed Thigh High and Caplet's hands, skipping off towards the nearest ice cream stand.

Caught off guard by the sudden action, Thigh High lost her footing "Fib'yuh'luh wait a sec-" And that was all she got out before she faceplanted.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She catches thigh high before her face greets the floor. "Be carefullll miss uneven tan" Fox said as she walked off.

MLLERMANDA: Bobby turns around and sees that someone was following her. Obviously, she wasn't happy. " Stop fucking following me, fucking woman." She fixes her sun glasses and walks faster, trying to leave the festival.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She looks around , mocking surprise with her hand on her chest , "must be talking to the wall" Fox rolled her eyes and left the festival.

MLLERMANDA: She takes a swing, trying to hit Fox but misses and ends up punching the air instead. She shakes in rage, ashamed on everything that has happened to this festival. She leaves the festival.

Gauges gets saddened that Buckle didn't hear him at all and whines to himself quietly. He decides to get some ice cream for himself since he dropped the last one he bought, however he decides that he will buy some greasy food to take home and eat.

#DCMissionaries #ghost rp #angel rp

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chaoscrystals · 8 years ago

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Every note in my phone 5

My final note before I kill myself I'm not actually going to kill myself. I'm letting the dying parts die. Say goodbye to them. Wow holy shit my whole back just got a wave of feeling. This is it. I know if I don't go for what I want I'm going to lose it. So I'm sharing everything that I have inside. Because I've been wanting to for a long time. For many reasons, some more noble than others. Daqui a pouco to escrevendo nas outras linguas. Hey duke Well, I have to completely go for what I want. You will know what that feels like. I had a dream last night that turned out to be symbolic of what happened today. Its not that hard because your subconscious mind always knows what's going on.I have a considerable amount of magic to my person but ill tell you now I lose things, I have anxiety attacks and a fixation on food and body type, and I'm telling you this because I can't let you think I'm a no faceted perfect lady. Hey lady. Molly plays with my feelings I wonder how many years that could last. As long as Natalie is my friend. Kad thinks I'm a Nazi. That makes me upset. Now I'm thinking about Mikala from midtown west. Dont know why. Cause I'm not a fucking Nazi damn. That's extremely offensive Why are all these thoughts coming into my head? Whups. Lost it again. Sex is sacred but our movies and tv shows over hype it and put ideas in our head. One time I told Jamie I was gay.I actually thought it was true at the time...that's such an awkward thing to explain. I know I don't have to fucking explain myself but I want to because I care that the other person is on the same page as me!! No I miss you too in a weird way I've been wanting to share all my real thoughts for a long time. And now is the only time because the last couple days I have been dangerously close to having a breakdown. I have been crying in the street for 2 days And I also have been wanting to tell everyone what I actually think all the time I think my problem is that I have a habit of thinking about things ruim like I just think about sad shit a lot. And my comfort levels are always unstable Shailesh balla I don't know whose name that is. Shoulda brought my journal but I didn't think I was going to want to write. I want to do something to soothe my worries. My top worries are money, food, having something stolen from me, being raped. Its weird that I'm so worried that someone is going to rape me when I haven't been raped in this lifetime. But I would always get strong images of being raped. Except I was black so it wasn't in this lifetime. I want to soothe my worries telling myself that expecting the worst isn't good for my health. My focus goes rotten sometimes. I have to go to where I want to go to. I'm grateful for what I have. And not in a lame way either. I think I'm most worried that something will be taken from me. Money or whatever. When has that caused my death? Only when I sunk into the sadness and grieving. Grieving for my jewelry. Don't have a choice but to keep going. My grandparents on my moms side were such a huge influence on me throughout my life What is life anyway? We are all here wondering what to do with ourselves. And I can only have these thoughts because I have money I wanna work like Malcolm x did Tryinng to soothe my chronic worrying. Maybe ill find a paradise somewhere. Kalien photograph Deangelo Silva Thais is a sexy name. I'm tired and a little gassy but I'm going to go out anyway to see what the fuss is about. Because I wouldn't be satisfied if I just went to sleep Reflecting on resentment. I can feel this is a strong hook. This is a strong feeling in my body. I resent the cruelty of survival in the midst of civilization built by half asleep beings. My thoughts lead me to duke and this is what I have to say about that. I resent being treated wrongly by him. He treated me wrongly because he was my soul mate and he was supposed to help me and love me through everything I can't have sex!!!!! I hate having sex with people that suck at itI Which is almost everyone I resent everyone because I am so shy it hurts to see people who I connect with sometimes. Something inside of me is very tender and sore and I have been neglecting her. She's not ready to see anyone. I can resent and I do. For. Not being there with his feelings and not being there with mine. But i have to admit its not fair of me to just expect someone to take on all my problems with me. And I know this has something to do with the fact that my mother would throw crying fits at me and I had no idea how to act. Because that's what you do right? You don't say anything to people so they think your nice and then you have an explosive breakdown on whoever gets caught in your shit. Right? Oops Still letting go of my feeling of resentment. I'm a self help queen. Not sorry. Maybe just a little bit. But listen, I'm actually getting somewhere in my emotions. The blocks I have to getting what I want are emotional so if I can move and change my emotional body, I'm set. Sex Everyone sucks at it except for Ursula and mau 90 percent of males I meet think about fucking me That's pathetic Don't you think you're craving a closeness?instead?no? I don't know you its not my business I acho que tó errada I can pretty easily see what I did wrong. But I'm a sad sack and its easy for me to get into self blame. Those thoughts make me really depressed. But I guess it doesn't matter I don't have to have a perfect personality I don't even have to have a personality NOT UP TO YOUR STANDARDS AM I DUKE? Oops I've said so many bitchy things to my friends who I love so much..somebody needs to slap me. I hope they can forgive me. Well we're still friends so... Who the fuck taught me to be afraid of everyone? Walking around feeling like I'm rotting from the inside and I can't trust anyone and yet I want to meet all their eyes and see what's inside. When you're thoughts are just swimming with someone else. Julia, Duke, Kaara Someone who I barely talk to. I'm the pathetic one. It feels good to think that right now...die ego die!!!! So I will begin to close of this meditation. I would like to let go of my resentment. It will be carried away by the strength of the planets. Just saying what I believe. A very powerful tool. I had to re-read what I had written and confront that maybe my focus is terrible because I live in an age full of distractions and sometimes I have to be distracted to avoid major depression and having a fit and getting arrested. Sometimes I want to just break the glasses in the cafes. Or the stores. That urge has been with me for months and I still haven't acted on it. Stay tuned. So if I'm letting go of resentment, I'm letting go of my feeling of entitlement to. I will always give myself the best of what I can. But I cannot live off of taking from other people.I don't want to. Their money or their prana. Sorry Kaara. Half asleep over here. You did it too. I liked your insecurity because I could feel better about myself. And my own insecurity. Someone shut me up nobody wants to hear about my emotions. Oh that thought again. I'm expressing myself not trying to.....be right...but I am I came down to the beach because I thought it would be the best place. I was living in the street for a week. I'm not now we are paying for a room. Its cheaper than anything else but this is such a popular location that its still a fair chunk of money. But its worth it to drink the healing waters (there's a natural fountain of groundwater. Clean and delicious if your gut can handle it. We wanted to leave but I think we were both resisting the healing....me and my friend rua. I'm paying for all of our food (and we're been to restaurants a few times) but its because I know my core beliefs are not in line with me keeping my money for myself. I think I jumped the gun a little here anyway. This is another topic. Dissolve my resentment. Sometimes I was treated wrongly. Sometimes I just felt entitled to get what I want and when whoever couldn't meet my needs, I get upset. Flashes of bring abused in past lives. Nothing I could write today. My collective head gets it but I needed to write for nova, the 3-d being I can't believe I'm missing that show I can't believe it I must be missing out fuck fuck fuck I have to be away I have to be here I am doing good here I am doing good here I just need something in my stomach to settle I need to sleep a little more. Ooohhh if I had some weed and I could sleep a little more id have it made. But I'm shyyyyyy There is a voice in the back of my head asking me to write and to learn new languages. God damn, I think I'm an Artist. After reading some writing by Patti Smith, I feel a little confused and jealous. My writing is so....unprretty specific and not artistic. I want to write something beautiful. If it is beauty I am after...well, I already know what that looks like. I already know who owns beauty. Earth beauty. Eternal beauty Nobody leave me alone. I wouldn't want to be alone anyway. On my own some angel meets me Oh maybe I can write pretty things Write an essay of something Masses of pissed off folk are gonna have something big to say in this life or next just you wait mr big shot. Big gun nuclear ammo. I bet you thought you could stop the art from saving us all. What rennessaince would you try to stop then who are you trying to stop and why don't you love me!? Mister big thing My boyfriend keeps me safe I don't love him but he's good company and when we have to have sex its pretty good I don't think he feels the same way. I think homeboy was looking for a real namorado. Never seen anyone who looked like me. I made a cheese sandwich for my friend and now I want one cause I ate them when I was a kid. I feel like a baby still! Cosmic smoke womb. I don't care, ill take it Bad coffee Oi viado Its not that hard to learn a new language if you think you can do it I have been waiting years to learn about the stars. I always new the universe was a synchronized conglomerate of matter, but coming across systems I can keep record of. Beleza There's a feeling that sometimes overcomes me in my dreams that I'm being choked and can't breathe. These mosquitoes are biting me Somehow I manage to superimpose my fears on reality. Na janela aberta entrou meu convidado da noite, meu inimigo pior e o amor infernal que guardo para me gozar And, choking, I cry out for help. Cry out to whoever can hear me and be here with me. I don't care who I have to hide from myself. Excuse me for a second. My heart saw a pain and took it. Walking around shopping malls My candy heart Left my heart in Mexico City She was bed-ridden like me. But that's beside the point. We were frantic when we met and frantic when you held my hand and I breathed my first sigh of relief there. He loves me. I'm squirming in my seat Left my heart in Mexico City I THINK about YOU STILL but I think its more about me than it ever was about you. Still in Mexico City With its booming economy And great tortillas. All the cars and things that make up a city nowadays I went backpacking and somebody loves me still Left it in Mexico City. Now the reason for me to write The greatest poem I've ever written We were saying goodbye. I said I wanted to stay and I meant it but I didn't think I was going to stay. I have to go to work Still in Mexico City He must have thought I was going to stay I should have stayed. But I was lost in my work and I couldn't find my rights. So I ended up in Brazil with a hurt sciatica nerve and he's still in Mexico City with my heart that I left there And I think about him still but its more about me...right? I am undeserving As the words form my heart (the one that came with me) remains confused I hope you pick up on this and reveal yourself to me. But you don't have to. I didn't mean to make you think I wasn't going to leave. I was always going to leave. Tipo assim. But I just wanted to stay... Left my heart in Mexico City My back is cracking way too much it hurts and this can't be good for me. I want to go home. Wheere is home? My back is stressed out. I'm worried. Worried not looking I don't think I've ever been so offended. I just lost a friend. Telling me about my insufferable privilege. Hiding. I don't want to pay because I can live without money...........and fuck me if its only my privilege that lets me do that and think like that and write like this. I'm going to do it. I understand that I am privileged I feel incredibly guilty like I am not like, worthy of love because I have money But I never tell people that because no one will ever understand! Sad because I have money. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous I should be rejoicing but I'm not I I just want to die and be buried in my 10000 reais and die. Every time I hear the word money I wanna die. Give it all away slowly to people who appreciate it. Rua never hears me. I don't have time for that. I just need to sort out my thoughts A new poem Sugar eaters God again god blessed to have you to have found you Walking down the street in my hometown new york city Walking down the aisles but I'm in my mind Again Blessed are these sugar crystals that feed my teeth eaters we're sugar eaters blessed are these sugar crystals And a calm comes over us A little upset a little unrest its all the sugar eaters eating your teeth. My words are twisted like mind. You have to run around loaning me your time. How lucky I am to have found you. You bring me sweet coffee and I do not resist. The hot sun beats and we refuge in the shade. Our hot Brazil sun but I am walking down the aisles in my mind in my hometown I have money for all the sugar crystals I could ever need. But she doesn't want to have it from me. Blessed are these sugar crystals brought to us by the sugar goddesses, just trying to be sweet. Just trying to be sweet I have all the money I need Try to be sweet I have all the money I need There's something under the surface you're not seeing units swimming under. Your feet and I feel a little bit afraid. That the whole. Thing is going to collapse and crumble under my feet. Or lava will come up of its will and displace all of us Walking around with latent fear There's something under your feet maybe a bug lurking in your belly You're writing because you're a smart girl. You get into a new feeling and slip away quietly. You left. Joker Is jesting Later I saw him crying I had a flash of the future And it didn't come true exactly butt I swear I saw something like it My privilege is a bunch of dead flowers My privilege is rotting fruit More privileged than you for not having the need of water Have to walk miles for water I had to walk about 10 minutes for water and I felt a little bit like a prophet, or something of the sort Live in a house Live in a city In a country where you are not under threat of being bombed Your house could be bombed My privileges are rotting Watch tv Hear about the wars Light up your green and laugh with your friends Until your gut hurts We are friends, I don't want to take it there again My privileges are rotting fruit My journal January 25th 2017 Sitting in my boyfriends bedroom inn araial dajuda. I hope he's watching me. He has been my boyfriend for a few days only. I asked him what he wanted today and he said "I want what you want" my heart just about melted. I knew I liked him because I felt my heart get warm and I knew his lsd was pure, which is rare. And briefly, I am going to write some of the best poetry I have ever written. But not yet. I'm not ready Sometimes it's just not worth it and you have to let it go. But you always speak to the moment and you always try your hardest. And even though I have lice eggs in my hair I know the universe is going to protect me and my problems are going to pass. Write like I have a problem that needs airing out. But I don't have that mood exactly. My systems are more or less okay. Some of the best poetry I have ever written. He is the reason for my poetry. Nothing but a man and he's skinny. Taller than me and I don't think he can defend me. He has a penis and breath like everyone else but he sees energy and he loves seeing energy and neither of us understand it...but we love it and we want to know as much as we can about it. I need to.......oh right He will be the cause of the best poem I ever write. I don't know if I believe that. Money worries have to be let go of. I can't hold on to everything all the time. Universe synchronized. Daily mundane things going about your things and you just notice how good the breeze feels and that you're right by the sea in a beautiful city. Here isn't a good place to eat. My memory with Julia the rock star. Time to write my autobiography. But take it seriously. Make it right. I love my feelings so much I don't feel like I'm done writing. Nobody was really trying to con me that hard. Just trying to amuse themselves at the expense of others feelings. Uh, is that too bleak for you? Get over it. Gentrified vegan crab cakes. Oops. What? She's gonna kill me. I'm afraid and I have poop in my gut I feel it. I'm tired but something is missing. In tired to go to bed with my boyfriend who I just met but I know I love. In my way.too tired to worry His smell is intoxicating. That boy smell. She told me to follow my heart but I think my heart bate papo its not the strongest...but I can feel it. Morre than a lot of people could say. Stuffed some cotton in my underwear because my menstrual blood is releasing. And all this money and packaging. I'm hungry. Nobody understands me. I'm hungry. Nobody understands me. Nothing is in the way of me doing something except for me because I'm scared. I'm scared. This place has me held happily as prisoner. I give up. Rob me. Kill me. Not if I get you first. Writing for you writing for you. Nothing is stopping me except my fear and my concept about money I left arraial dajuda and now I want to go back because I was loving it....it was time for me to just take a break....I want to just stay with people who I know are my friends. I want to stay where I feel safe. And I want to kiss guilherme again. Its not fair that I could spend almost 500 reais just to try to get away. Fuck. I am going back because I feel the most happy that way. I don't want to be alone any more.... I don't want to be alone not knowing where the he'll I'm going and these things. If I was here alone and feeling fine....I could bee that person...maybe ... But I would rather just not be alone right now honestly. I don't wanna wait and wait until I feel love again. I want the love I felt already. I'm scared that I'm going to show up and I can't have him anymore...but I know that's not going to happen. Lice and all. I needed to leave. I regretted it pretty quickly Part of me wants to keep traveling forever...and another part wants to go home and be with my family again...or both. I don't know if I want to volunteer with this yogic nun in her biodiversity organic yoga thing. Part of me wants to go home. But I also have an intense interest in this. I don't know. It doesn't make sense to go back and forth. But I don't really wanna stay in the city of brasilia Make up for it. Compensate. Sitting at the bar alone. Like a character in a movie. Waiting on my love to walk in the door. Thinking many of the same things at once. Tired but I know I'm not going anywhere. Its so easy to fight your feelings and write what you didn't want to write something about the universal flow and how it affects you how your stars have been so aligned recently and how they always were bus you just didn't notice. I sit in a state of wonderment and disgust as I am interrupted by a greedy old man with no money making his presence very known to me Just remind yoself help remind your self. I need another distraction to distract me from the pain of needing to eat and needing to steal and depending on millions of other people for my food. I need another distraction. The earth is quickly dying as I see it, but I know people who think otherwise. I should have stayed in Brazil. My friends just want to poison themselves with alcohol and I want to run away with my love but I left him in Brazil. I need to eat For many years I've obsessed over my corporeal form, my body. What it says about me. I can't get out of this.....its my way of dealing with my feelings. Its just in my being but I mean, I'm gonna end up tearing out to shreds I already know. I can't stay here with these demons eating at me. I see real I wish I had someone with me. Makes me feel like I need to eat something. Probably end up a pedophile like my dad Why doesn't anyone understand thoughts and feelings? This is pathetic. I wish I had someone with me I could be screaming but she wouldn't hear. Known her for years I just want to be with her again. No one can stop me if I just show up Its so hard to feel things. Its so hard to actually sense things. This world is set up for profit for invention and for narcissism!! Oh god what did I do I slept with my ex I slept with my ex he's a beacon of truth like me or a liar I don't really know Cause its not that straightforward at all I can't just read mounds so easily as I wish I could but I'm not bad when you compare me to most people. I think that my new haircut suits me . on nahrt okay my own energy reading is a little faulty. . A few days later and unrealized how badly I am conpartmentalizing things I wish I wasn't so emotionally cold but I believe I have to be this way to be an artist...that can't be true. ... Get up and talk to someone but it tires me what's so bad about being tired I can't ignore my bodily needs why does it make you tired because they only like to hear certain things and I have to think about it. Sometimes I write cause i don't know what else to do.. Like now...my head will hurt if I go talk to other people I'm just trying to maintain a high vibration no I'm serious this is town in doing it and I'm not belittling my mission no way I'm not gonna hurt myself I want to maintain a high vibration and sometimes its hard for me to do that when I talk to other people. But I can't let this exclude people from my reality because everyone is worthy of attention and love!!! Everyone is worthy of it and I'm not letting it go for all the money or all the fame in the world everyone's feelings matter sometimes I am the absolute worst when it comes to that. I want to message michael maybe he can distract me from my problems. Everryone does. He is different. He is just the same I knew I felt something strong with him I love his ambition and I want to see it develop and that means staying with him for a bit I want to see his ambition develop his!!I'm starting to think I gotta let go of that whole shit with sam, cause I don't really like being jealous. You know why my head really hurts? Cause I'm letting myself be alone too long . I'm obsessive is what I'm actually trying to say. I'm not sure who you think I am but I don't mind much. I'm not a cool person all I want from you is conversation and cuddles There's this black of my connection like I'm talking to a wall and not to michael I think I'm fucking up I could be talking to myself in various ways. Maybe his souls just close to mines anyway enough that it feels like I'm with myself? I'm aware of the seperateness but I really would rather live in the thought of we are all one soul

#Writing #freewrite

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