#i think she would like egg pudding as well

[theriverbeyond]

I think Harrow might actually like tea with milk and sugar but I bet John is one of those insufferable pretentious assholes who goes on about how you’re altering the flavor profile and there’s no point even drinking it with milk or sweetener because it’s not the real experience. So she’s just being forced to drink strong unsweetened tea after being on a diet of one thing for almost her whole life. One of his many crimes tbh Justice for Harrow

this is actually what my mother did and for 19 long years I was convinced tea was a disgusting and frankly horrible experience that everyone was simply lying through their teeth about. I assumed that boba milk tea was like, an entirely different beverage (i was stupid). anyway. I HAVE LEARNED

[fuji-sen]

the 'evil imposter' just wants to be a baker!

Prologue: The Foodie turned Imposter?!

Part 8: Buttery Mamon

[ part 7 ] || [ masterlist ] || [ part 9 ]

I keep forgetting to add trigger warnings uhhh: one scene has you panicing and nearly falling into an anxious mess, ptsd of course and the general sagau obsession with the creator.

divider is made by @/saradika-graphics

While Kaeya was finishing the last of the skewers you were busy near the stove, using the stocked ingredients in the panty when Kaeya reassured you it was fine, that he'd handle it and just hoped you'd make it worth his while.

Rolling your eyes at his teasing, you knew he meant it when he said that he'll take the brunt if Adelinde or Diluc came to scold them or rather her, for using the ingredients in the kitchen.

A simple snack was what you preferred, something light that would contrast to the meaty skewers that Kaeya had provided for the both of you. You were craving something sweet and soft, so you decided on a pastry. Though you initially thought of something cold, like ice cream or sorbet or maybe pudding, you don't think they have any ice here unless you wished to go to Mondstadt, Kaeya had a cryo vision but it would be rude to ask him to make you some ice during your first meeting.

So some fluffy mamoms would have to do, and you could probably top it with some cheese or a bit more powdered sugar. And he could share it with the other workers as a light treat.

Kaeya watched as you quickly gathered the ingredients, and skillfully start. It was apparent that you were very experienced in cooking from the way you easily cracked the eggs without worry, and how you beat them with a whisk.

To think that you were the supposed imposter, instead of brewing chaos or using the fact that you look like the creator to your advantage, you were here, hiding your identity, talking about food with him.

It wasn't hard to notice, despite you well crafted lie of a background, he could see through it. He noticed the bandages on one of your arm, and peeking out of it was something purple, no doubt Scars from Lisa's electro fueled attacks. Then there was your mask, though you didn't take it off while you ate, you didn't noticed how the mask would flap around due to the wind, luckily letting him take a glimpse of your face.

It was uncanny how you mirrored the old statues of their Divine Creator. Had he been obsessed with pleasing the great God like Jean and Lisa were, he'd have easily killed you on the spot, labelling you as an imposter. But he wasn't like them. Although he respected the Great Creator, the origin of all, he wasn't blinded by such faith.

Perhaps there was a chance you were just a regular person caught up in a bad time in the wrong place.

Because as rarely as it happens, it does happen.

Hopefully he could convince the others about that, maybe with the Travelers help.

"How long will that take?" he asked as you popped whatever you were making in the oven. "Usually half an our, but since I'm using a less advanced oven I'm not sure. I'll have to watch it so it doesn't burn." You explained, wiping your hands with a rag.

He nodded in understanding, the smell of eggs and something buttery was filing the room, no doubt it was appetizing and enticing when even Adelinde curiously checked in on them.

"Oh Master Kaeya, you're still here. I would have thought you'd have scurry off somewhere like usual." She said with a smile, Adelinde was always smiling though, huh?"

"Ah I just had to stay for [Name]'s dish, what was it again?"

You shrugged, "It's simply some mamon, it's like a chiffon cake. And there should be enough for everybody." You added, facing Adelinde who chuckled, embarrassed of having been caught eying the baking pastry.

"That is very sweet of you, Thank you [name]." The blonde haired maid said and turned to Kaeya once again. The duo left the kitchen, holding a conversation that was no doubt confidential that someone like her, an outsider, shouldn't hear.

The smile on your face slowly disappeared, replaced with a calculating frown. "Kaeya probably knows I'm the person the other knights are looking for." You said to yourself, eyes casting down towards the mamon which were slowly rising up.

"I don't think he'll attack me unless I give him a reason." you interacting with him was like a gamble, you were easing your way in, waiting for a chance to ask, what did he think about this great creator?

There was a part of you expecting him to give a passive response or an answer that danced around your question. Because you knew of his lineage, you wondered how do the people of khaenri'ah view the creator, for they are the nation without a God.

Of course just when you were about to ask him the question you had carefully thought about, he was whisked away by Adelinde. Perhaps it was a sign for her to leave, that she shouldn't ask less she gave herself away.

You were preparing the glaze for the mamon, which was simply melted butter as well as the jar of honey and powdered sugar in case they wanted to top the chiffon bread with something a bit more sweeter.

Suddenly the door had burst open as Kaeya quickly grabbed her shoulders, the charismatic mask he had worn had slipped off for a moment, now replaced with something urgent. Your eyes widened in fear, as you felt your hands shake, was he going to kill you?

"You need to be extra careful, not only are the knights looking for you but the fatui delegates are as well." He told you which shocked you, was the reach of this so called great creator truly so magnificent to even make its way to Shezhnaya, a region you thought who was only devoted to the Tsaritsa?

He knew as well, Kaeya knew who you were- you pushed him away, backing until you hit the counter. "Don't" you practically pleaded "Don't hurt me!"

"I won't" he said, "I'm sorry I suddenly grabbed you" he quickly added realizing his mistake "but you need to listen to me. Jean wants you dead, as well as Amber, and Lisa and the other knights. They are convinced you are the imposter. And Jean is desperate enough to accept the Fatui's help."

"You understand what that means right?"

It just got more difficult, you felt yourself fall to the floor, your chest felt painfully suffocating. He cursed under his breath, mentally berating himself for losing his tact, his cool level-headedness as he crouched down.

"[Name]" he called out softly, stretching out his hand "I need you to calm down okay? can you do that? You need to breathe."

His voice fell on deaf ears, you covered your face with your hands, murmuring pleads of mercy, even if the pain was gone, even if the samachurl helped heal you, you still felt it, that electrocuting pain that traveled your body, it made you freeze, and cry, feeling so helpless as instead of being in the kitchen, it felt like you were in Jean's office.

The cold metal that touched your neck,

their uncaring eyes, and deaf ears that turned away from your cries and fears. .

the electro, the lightning that-

"You know, how about when all of this is just over, I treat you to some food."

". . . . ."

Your mutterings had stopped, as you tried so hard, straining your ears to just focus on Kaeya's voice. Ignoring Jean's and Lisa's who spat such poisonous words at you.

"Have you tried the moon pies here?" he asked, noticing your attention was slowly coming back as you broke free from the cage that was that night. Your small voice could be heard "I. . I don't really like meat pies."

Kaeya fought a grin "and here I thought you were a foodie." You pouted, rubbing your face, "meat pies are weird for me, I like apple pies more." you commented with a deep breath, your heart was still racing, and despite not being able to truly break away from that night, Kaeya's eye that stared into your soul told you that you'd be just fine.

"It'll be okay." he said quietly.

"Hopefully." you pitifully said and he corrected you,

"Definitely."

You and Kaeya heard the door open and close, and a rush of footsteps followed by Adelinde's loud greeting. "Master Diluc, you're home early!"

"Shit." Was the only thing you and Kaeya said, staring at the door and then at each other. You would be screwed if Diluc of all people had found you after all!

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

Diluc raised a brow at Adelinde, she was usually on the less. . vocal side in her greetings. From the way she fidget and avoided making eye contact it meant that the maid was hiding something from him, which wasn't out of common.

Usually Adelinde, bless her heart, tried to help fix the relationship between him and Kaeya. Often that meant orchestrating surprises or uncanny coincidences where in the two would bump into each other and have to deal with something suspiciously or well, clearly crafted by the maid.

The red headed male sighed "Where's Kaeya?"

Adelinde sweated profusely, perhaps it was better to hide from Diluc to and claim later that she had been busy, curse her for being a bad liar. Usually she was better than this but because of the current situation, there was a whole lot of pressure.

"He-"

"Diluc!" Kaeya had strolled out of the kitchens, wine glass in hand as he nodded at Adelinde who sighed in relief. Perhaps by now the look-alike was gone, 'poor girl, to think she's being hunted down by her face' she couldn't help but sigh at the situation, eying the two brothers. They didn't usually agree with each other, but maybe, maybe they'll agree on this.

"Kaeya, what are you doing here? as far as I know Jean had ordered all Knights to focus on the search for the Imposter." Diluc crossed his arms, giving the other male a look. "Oh please Diluc, do you really support their decision about this whole. ." he trailed off, acting as if he was trying to find the right words "witch hunt?"

The red hair was silent at his question, and Kaeya couldn't help but let a grin fall on his mouth, of course Diluc would object to this. He was just as righteous at their dad. . no Mr. Crepus was. "Does it matter? as much as a witch hunt is. . overkill. I understand Jean's sentiments that an imposter running around in Monstadt is a grave sign."

"Are you willing to risk the chance of harming or even killing an innocent person, or worse, the real creator then?" Kaeya asked, swirling the contents of his wine glass, watching the blood colored liquid to move like a whirlpool. Silence was the only answer he got.

"Why are you vouching for this imposter?" Diluc asked, eyes narrowing "Have you met them?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not."

Knowing he wouldn't get a clear answer from him, not with his skill of dancing around with his words and controlling his body languages, Diluc resorted to turning to Adelinde who flinched.

"Adelinde."

"Yes, Master Diluc?"

Adelinde tried her best to smile at Diluc as if she was unaware of what he was talking about. If the situation wasn't dire, Kaeya would have laughed at her failed attempt to appear innocent.

"Did the imposter came here?"

"My Master Diluc, I don't know about any Imposter." She said. Diluc sighed, and decided to investigate, he headed straight towards the kitchen, the same place Kaeya had left in a hurry. From his peripheral Vision he could see the cavalry captain hold the wine glass tighter.

He swung the door open, ignoring Adelinde's calls. The kitchen door and window was left open, it was warm inside, suggesting the oven had been used. The smell of butter filled his nose and he turned his gaze to the table finding something akin to small cakes shaped like tarts.

Hurried footsteps followed after, a sigh of relief left Kaeya's mouth. "What did you do?" Diluc immediately responded with frustration, turning to the cryo wielder with a heated gaze, hand gripping Kaeya's shirt.

"I merely let an innocent victim go. Don't you know the saying? innocent until proven guilty." Kaeya easily responded turning to Adelinde who clearly looked worried that the two might fight. "Adelinde, thank your for your assistance, I'm sorry you had to lie. Why don't you leave me and Diluc to talk things out."

"but. ."

"Please Adelinde." Diluc added, despite his frustrations, his face softened as he turned to the maid who nodded, lips trembling due to the conflicting emotions.

". . ."

"If you wish to risk your life for someone, then so be it." Diluc sighed letting go of his collar. A hand combing through his flaming red locks. "So what have you gathered about this person?"

"They're certainly have the face of the creator, that I will confess however" Kaeya approached the table, setting down the wine glass as his eyes glanced at the chiffon cake, "mamon" her voice lingered in his mind. "she's no imposter, she didn't intentionally deceive anyone. Besides, is it a person's fault for the face they are born with?"

"That would be like blaming a person for the crimes of their parents. . or blaming a person for their heritage. ."

". . ."

Diluc looked tired, his usual mask of indifference had disappeared as he took a seat. "I take it the meeting with Jean was. . less than favorable?"

"I suppose that would be the correct word to describe it." he admitted, Jean had been acting weird, it wasn't just her. Lisa, the usual lazy or too relaxed librarian was rather energetic in her plans to find, catch and kill the imposter. Amber as well was leading the knights to searching the region. "I think she's trying to compensate for not being favored by the Creator." Kaeya offhandedly mentioned, quickly raising his hands however at his brother's penetrative glare.

Kaeya gulped but continued on, "Listen, there's no use letting our personal relationships cloud our judgement. You know how Jean has been when the creator has manifested in her but never truly favored her."

It was hard to deduce when it started, their memories had begun to feel clouded, controlled, and rewritten. Numerous vision users in Mondstadt had felt an awaken, briefly being covered with a golden light, their bodies controlled by someone powerful, a being they would come to realized as the Divine Creator who had awoken from their long slumber, ready to guide the people.

Their favor came in many forms, often or really, it was only the vision holders did the Creator cast their gaze on. The first to be awakened was Amber, followed by Lisa and Kaeya and from then it branched on from Bennett, to Noelle, to Razor and more. Diluc himself had been one of the few to not experience this awakening, but he wasn't bothered by it or at least if he was, he was good at hiding it to the point that Kaeya wasn't entirely sure of how he felt with not being experiencing the Creator's control.

Jean had also been awakened, however unlike the others who felt the Creator's favor and guidance in forms of weapons and artifacts, she didn't experience or receive anything. It was like the Creator casted her gaze on the acting grandmaster only for a moment, and decided that she was not worth any effort.

Nobody outright commented on it, the civilians of course were not aware. The only reason why Diluc knew despite not being in the knights of Favonius was because the blonde haired knight drunkenly confessed her feelings of doubts. Seemed that the pressure of being the acting grand master, the Stormterror problem and the neglect from the Divine Creator had made the woman he once respected spiral down in a pit of self-destruction.

"Here, have some." Noticing how sad or at least worried Diluc was becoming, Kaeya took one of the mamoms and force-fed Diluc. "Omph-" The man glared at the cavalry captain who shrugged, slapping his hand away Diluc bit into the chiffon break cake and instantly melted at the buttery goodness.

It was very soft and warm, a hint of sweetness and definitely butter. "This is. . good. Who made this?"

"The so called imposter." To his credit, Diluc didn't spit it out. It was too late anyways. So he begrudgingly continued to eat it, despite assuming there might be something bad in it.

"I hate you."

Kaeya rolled his eyes at his brother's reactions, "Diluc it's not poisoned. I was watching her the entire time she made them!"

I always wondered how Khaenri'ah played with the sagau elements considering they are canonically the nation without a God. So for now, they would no doubt respect the great Creator who is seen as the origin of everything, but since they managed well without a God, perhaps they aren't as obsessed as the other acolytes. That's why its interesting for me to write Kaeya's pov about the creator. But since he grew up with the Ragnvindr, a family who no doubt respected and paid tribute to the Creator, he'd probably have more respect to the Creator than most Khaenri'ans.

Current compiled suggestions to name the pyro slime <3

Fuji_Sen has suggested! Lava Cake or "Java" based on the food / coffee" Fuji_Sen has suggested! Monsieur Creme Brulee or "Creme" based on the food. @Fantasyhopperhea has suggested! Soleil or "Sol" @Cactus4226 has suggested! Ruru (Py-ro, ro -> ru -> ruru) @bunniotomia has suggested! Helios or "Hel" @airyravenmaid has suggested! Cinnamon or "Cinna" @kindofscenic has suggested! Pyrex from the glass or "Pyruru" @shyentsmissingink has suggested! Pyri or "Pyrico"

kinda wished there was more food based names, since of the whole foodie theme, but I kinda think Sol or Hel is cute too and Cinna.

also I have an idea like for a self aware or at least reader insert hsr

taglist:

@fantasyhopperhea @rhoswen-drake @cchiiwinkle @aman3kkun @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @bunniotomia @esthelily

@earth-to-name @fandomfan-102 @kh1ffy @jiyeons-closet @dragontammerz / @mercy-not-merci @aryuunachigiri @randomnatics @alexx197197 @keirennyx @vianitry @game-savvy @laviniadraws

[zablife]

A Small Favor

John Shelby & Y/n Solomons (Partners in Crime AU)

Summary: Y/n has called John for a small favor…the removal of a dead body from Alfie’s kitchen. Who was the dead man and why was he there in the first place? That might be the biggest surprise of all.

Author’s note: Requested by @darklydeliciousdesires who wanted to know what this duo would do if tasked with disposing of a body. Ty for the wonderful inspo! Also, Rose is an OC belonging to @justrainandcoffee. She is Alfie's wife and an advocate for women. Quick reminder that Y/n is Alfie's sister.

Warnings: language, mention of a dead body and murder, weapons, blood

You sat watching steam rise from a piping hot cup of tea as John paced before you. “I don’t understand,” he said, twisting his cap in his hands.

“What?” you mumbled as you shoved a biscuit into your mouth.

“How did you manage it?” he asked with a note of genuine surprise, though he should have learned by now not to underestimate you. 

You only shrugged as he gestured toward the hulking man splayed out before him on Alfie’s kitchen floor.

“Used me knife," you explained in a flat tone.

“Bloody hell,” he exclaimed with a low whistle. John stood over the mangled corpse stroking his chin thoughtfully before gazing back at you with pride. “Carved him up like a Christmas turkey!”

“Serves him right, filthy wanker,” you spat, wiping the crumbs from your lip with a shaky hand.

"Hey, you alright?" John softened momentarily, tilting your chin up to meet his gaze.

You narrowed your eyes at him, hating the look of pity you found staring back at you. "You seen the state of him? And you see me?" you gestured toward yourself with a flourish, demanding he acknowledge your victory. When he took a moment too long, you shoved him away. "Course I'm alright," you insisted stubbornly as you settled back into your chair, crossing your arms over your chest.

John let out a long sigh, wishing he'd never asked. Then recalling the trail of overturned furniture and broken glass leading to the kitchen, he changed the subject. "Was he looking for somethin'?" Opening and closing the cupboards as though he might find an answer hidden in the shelves, he called out, "Does Alfie still have that faberge egg?"

“Fuck no!" you vehemently denied. "Sold it ages ago to that toff who wanted it for his dog-faced cunt of a wife. Reckon she eats kibble out of it now or whatever the fuck rich people do."

John snorted out a laugh as he ran a hand down his face. How you could crack a joke at a time like this was beyond all comprehension. Turning back to his search, he opened another door, peering inside with intense scrutiny.

“Dunno what you're expecting to find," you muttered, irritation rising in your throat as you surveyed the room. "Not a sausage...."

John scratched his head as he glanced over his shoulder, “Is that a kosher thing?”

You rolled your eyes before clarifying, “Sausage and mash,” rubbing your thumb against your fingertips. When John still looked at you with a quizzical stare you shouted, “Cash, you daft cunt! If you think Alfie's stupid enough to hide anything of value here, you're a few sandwiches short of a picnic, mate."

He nodded in understanding. “Right, well….don’t matter why that fucker wanted in, we have to get him out.” He stood facing the man in question, removing a toothpick from his pocket and seesawing it between his teeth as he thought.

You quickly grew impatient, eyes darting wildly from the clock on the wall to John’s motionless form. “What are you waiting for? This is your speciality, ain’t it?” you asked in a high squeaky voice, anxious to move things along.

John spun around to face you, “And you’re such a big help sat there like a pudding!” he exclaimed taking a large step to swipe at you before slipping in a pool of the man’s blood. 

You raced from the table to catch him, but he was already propelled halfway across the room, finally tumbling over and landing atop the dead man’s barrel chest. “ALLEY CAT!” he roared, face to face with the man’s hideous pallor of death.

Barely containing your laughter, you watched your partner in crime grimace before turning away to suppress a gag. “Smells like cheap whisky and piss,” he proclaimed. 

“What do you reckon he smelt like? Bloody roses?” you asked, hoisting him up by the elbow.

John emitted a low growl before brushing himself off. Removing his jacket and tossing it aside, he crossed his arms, mouth twitching anxiously. “Can we get on with it?” he asked with a sigh that sounded like resignation to his fate. “You take one end, I’ll take the other,” he instructed with a nod of his chin.

John began wedging his arms beneath the man's upper body as you took hold of the thick legs which felt like two tree trunks. Hoisting the weight off the floor took a few moments and the body swung precariously between you, grunts and groans passed between you as you struggled to find equilibrium. Eventually you were able to take a few teetering steps backward and out of the kitchen doorway into the hall, but then you realized you didn't know where you were going after that.

“Wait! What’s the plan?” you demanded, knitting your eyebrows in confusion. 

John snapped his head toward you, “Are you serious?"

"Well, we can't walk out of the house with him. People will notice," you pointed out.

"Just...keep...going," he instructed through clenched teeth. When you slowed your movements again he warned sternly, "If we stop now, you're going to break my fucking back."

"No...no, I don't like this, Barney," you said, shaking your head.

"You going to fight me the whole way?" he asked, nostrils beginning to flare in frustration.

“Do you want my help or not?” you huffed, dropping the pair of legs you were barely holding to begin with and placing your hands on your hips.

Dropping his half with a thud John laughed mirthlessly. He pointed at you, cheeks rosy with exertion and the tips of his ears beginning to match as his temper ignited. “You asked me to come, you ungrateful horse’s arse!”

"What did you call me?" you asked, rushing him and pinning him to the nearest wall, hand poised over your switch blade.

Just then someone cleared their throat and you both jumped, startled by the noise.

You broke away from John, looking up at a dark haired woman who stood above you in a halo of golden morning light. Her amber eyes were warm and held nothing but concern as she searched your face in wordless communication.

John frowned at you, his eyes darting between you as he wondered aloud, "Who the fuck is she?"

Ignoring him completely, you looked up at her unable to contain the burden of your guilt. You swallowed a lump in your throat as you admitted softly to her, "I didn't want you to see this."

"Is she one of Rose's women or..." he trailed off, watching her descend the stairs slowly and walk into your waiting embrace, placing a tender kiss to your trembling lips. "Do you two know each other?" he asked thickly. "Please, Y/n, I'm so confused," he pleaded.

When you parted, you were still holding her hand tightly in yours. "John, this is Eliana Armstrong."

"And him?" John asked cautiously, pointing at the body. "You know him, don't you?"

You nodded slowly, but Eliana spoke up. "His name is Harold Armstrong,” she said sadly, holding up her left hand to reveal a small gold band on her ring finger.

John's shoulders hunched and his brow creased as he thought.

"Give him a minute," you whispered next to her ear. "Got a nice boat, that one, but he ain't the brightest."

"Oi! M not deaf!” John scowled at you. Then turning to Eliana, he puffed out his chest, ready to defend you. "You had her kill your husband?" he hissed the accusation as he closed the distance in a few long strides. "You had no right to ask that of her!" he shouted, pointing a finger in her direction.

Quickly stepping between them, you placed a hand to his chest to halt his movements. "You've got it wrong," you stated simply.

"He was going to kill Y/n..." Eliana began before you hushed her.

"She told him she was leaving to be with me. He thought he could stop her by..." You stopped to inhale a sharp breath, thinking of the perilous fight you barely survived hours earlier. "Well...you know," you swallowed harshly, not wanting to give details. "I called you cos I knew you'd be there for me no matter what," you explained quietly. John's hands dropped to his sides, fists unclenching as all tension left his body with the shock of what he'd just heard.

"Oh, my God," he said, lowering himself by the banister to sit on the bottom stair. He knew something was off when you opened the door for him, possibly before that, when he heard a slight quiver in your voice on the telephone as you gave the code word for emergencies. His heart clenched in his chest at the thought of you reaching out to him before anyone else, speechless at your show of trust.

After a few minutes of deafening silence you needed to know if John was upset for being asked to clean up your mess. "Will you please say something?" you prodded gently.

John raised his head from where it hung cradled between his large hands, his bright blue eyes observing the body lying before him in Alfie's demolished house. His curious gaze finally resting upon your exhausted and disheveled form, he managed, "Is this why we never shagged?"

---------------------

Tag List:

@peakyswritings

@evita-shelby

@shelbydelrey

@alanadetigy

@severewobblerlightdragon

@lovemissyhoneybee

@theshelbyslimited

@kittycatcait219

@callsign-fangirl

@notyour-valentine

@theshelbyclan

@red-riding-wood

@polishcrazyone

@elenavampire21

@little-diable

@lyarr24

@jomarch-wannabe

@the-fangirl-diaries

@kmc1989

@everythingelseisextra

@justrainandcoffee

@cillmequick

@pono-pura-vida

@iwannabeinthesequalmrghostface

@brummiereader

@call-sign-shark

@moral-terpitude

@padfootdaredmetoo

@anonymooseforever007

@peakyltd

@mystcldydrms

@thegreatdragonfruta

@mythos-writes

@emotionalcadaver

@dreamlandcreations

@darklydeliciousdesires

@babayaga67

@pietroxreader

@galactict3a

@ietss

@writeroutoftime

@leenieweenie12

@hllywdwhre

@darkness-falls-xo

@sympathyfortheblinderdevil

@runnning-outof-time

@murderousginger

@helen06dreamer

[queenkhaleesistark]

Dramione celebrate Easter

Hermione was sat at home in the dining room, trying to feeding her toddler Scorpius. He was refusing as he was cutting a tooth and it hurt.

“Come on Scorpi. We need to get round to Nana and Grandad for Easter Sunday” Hermione sighed at her bubbly toddler.

Draco comes in from the garden. Dressed in his Sunday best, sleeves rolled up and looking exhausted. He had their family dog Teddy the cavapoo in his arms.

“Why do muggles put eggs everywhere? I didn’t expect my Sunday to be wrestling it out of Teddy’s mouth. He’s not going to remember this Mione” Draco exasperated as he put the dog down and shut the patio door. Teddy scurried off to his bed.

“I know but it’s tradition. My parents did it for me and my cousins. It’s to show the Easter bunny came” She said to her husband. She gestured bunny ears with her fingers which made Scorpius laugh.

“Bunnies? Rabbits do not lay eggs my sweet wife” Draco laughed and was met with laughing back.

“It’s a pagan tradition. You should know! The bunny symbolises fertility and spring is rebirth. Your mother didn’t teach you much” Hermione chuckled.

“I know that Mione! But why the eggs? And chocolate too?” Draco asked as he sat next to his family.

“Well I think we have the Germans to thank for that and Queen Victoria” She sighed.

“And that has something to do with your God, how? You told me he died which is Good Friday, he was buried. Holy Saturday, he was laid to rest and today we celebrate him rising. Sounds like magic to me” Draco explained.

“I’m surprised you remembered that. No idea. But it’s been around for years. I told my mum we had a good reason for missing mass and she would learn later” Hermione exclaimed. Draco smiled as he rested his hand on her stomach.

“Blaise did used to say that we humped like rabbits” Draco laughed as he kissed her cheek. She batted him on the shoulder. All the laughing had turned Scorpius’ attention away from the food and Hermione was able to feed him quickly.

“Right, little man. Daddy is taking you to get dressed and I’ll finish the pudding for Grandma” Hermione cooed as she picked Scorpius’ from his high chair and gave him to his waiting father. He giggled and was babbling dada. Hermione was topping off her cake with small chocolate eggs.

“That cake does look nice. Not as delectable as you” Draco said as he eyed Hermione in her floral dress and pinched her bottom.

“Behave! There’s two children in the room” Hermione feigned a gasp as she covered Scorpius’ ears and kissed her husband. The happy family of three soon to be four.

A/N Long time no see tumblr. Sorry been extremely busy with uni and life. I’m 25 now! I didn’t do one of these at Christmas so here’s an Easter one! How I thought Draco would react to an Easter egg hunt in his garden. Happy Easter,

Rosie

[annymation]

Hello Hello! I know it's been a while but I was wondering if you could have the lyrics and maybe the instrumental of the song that Asha sings in the square to help her people (if you don't want that's fine... I'm studying and I started listening to some songs to inspire me and I remembered about this scene in your rewrite and I started to imagine your rewrite as a 2D animation of the classic Disney and I wondered what this scene would be like heheh) if you don't mind too... I also wanted to know what your favorite foods are of your characters in the rewrite (asha, magnificent, amaya, and the 7 teenagers), you could also say what the 7 teenagers like to do alone/ their hobbies. Well, that's what I wanted to ask about your rewrite, sorry if it was a lot of questions, I'm LOVING everything about your rewrite♡ ten thousand times better than Disney's wish😤 anyway, thanks for the rewrite and stay well and drink water hahaha😁😋

Unfortunately I don't have lyrics for that song yet, it would take me a lot of time that I don't have yet to work on creating it, maybe once I'm done with the whole rewrite I can try coming up with something since that song IS very important to the narrative, and currently all we have is "It's an inspiring song about fighting to achieve what you wish for no matter if all the odds are against you" that so happens to have a few references to past Disney I want songs.

Though... After listening to this deleted scene

I'm considering making "A Wish Worth Making" THE song, or at least a place holder for now. It's surprisingly fitting. However, my idea was for the song to be like a story that Sabino told her, since ya know, he couldn't sing nor play the mandolin because that was his wish that Magnifico kept from him... So I'm undecided.

Anyway, now for the favorite meals part, that sounds fun, and helps me explore the national heritages of each one of the characters, so let's do this:

Asha

Her favorite food is Mhalbi with pistachios, a milk pudding from Algeria. Her mother was Amazigh, and she taught this traditional recipe to her husband and Sabino. After she passed Sabino would still make it for Asha, it's a little piece of her culture that is very sweet and easy to make, she has a bit of a sweet tooth.

Dahlia

Dahlia is a special case since her family has been robbed of their passion for their traditional cuisine, if originally her mother and father wished for things along the lines of "We want to share our culture through our food" the king changed that to them just cooking what he liked. Sooo she has no connection to Japanese food. But, hypothetically, if she did grow up with her parents acting normally, her favorite meal would be Takoyaki, a savory dish of grilled balls of batter made with flour and eggs filled with octopus chunks and other ingredients.

Gabo

The name "Gabo" has German origins, so I decided Gabo's family comes from Germany. His favorite dessert is a bienenstich kuchen, also known as "bee sting cake", I think it's fitting because Gabo is always acting like he just got stung by a bee. But besides his rough exterior he has a soft spot for sweets.

Simon

Simon's last name is O'Donohue, which is a name of Irish and Gaelic origins, also the name means Dark Fighter... Interesting. Anyway, so his family is descended from Irish people, thus I choose that his favorite food is a traditional Irish Colcannon, a flavorful dish of mashed potatoes and greens like sauteed kale, and green onions. Quite easy too make and eat for a sleepy head like him.

Bazeema

I've mentioned in my blog about the 7 teens that Bazeema is muslim and wears a hijab (As she did in some concept arts... But Disney changed that, cause they're stupid) so her favorite food is a Palestinian lady cheeks... heheh get it? Because Bazeema blushes a lot?... Anyway this is a traditional dessert are like made with orange blossom water, cinnamon quill, caster sugar and other sweet ingredients, sweet just like her.

Hal

I saw on twitter that Hal's earrings resemble "Jaaro dibbei" earrings from the Fulani people, a West African tribe. So I picked a traditional meal from west Africa. Kedjenou, this dish consists of a spicy stew that is slow-cooked in a terracotta pot over fire or coals. Hal is more into spicy food, matches her fiery passion.

Safi

Safi is a name of Arabic origins. His favorite dessert is Mamoul, a traditional arabic cookie, made with yeasted semolina, these vanilla and rose-infused cookies are sweet and floral with a decadent and robust centre, and although they look like they'd make Safi sneeze like crazy, they're one of the only meals that don't make him sneeze at all.

Dario

Dario is an Italian name. So I picked gnocchi because SAME! Gnocchi is my comfort food too and I'm not even Italian, Dario is just like me for real.

... *siiiiiigh* I was dreading getting to them... Here we go:

Magnifico and Amable

The blood of their enemies Just kidding, I'm giving them both the same favorite food because honestly these two have so much in common they might as well be the same character (Also it's currently 1 am as I'm writing this, I must go to bed.) so let's wrap this up. Their favorite dessert is Spanish Baked Apples, get it? Like the poisoned apple from Snow White? HAHAHAHA- Actually come to think of it their favorite meal might be children's tears, idk.

WOOOOO okay this was a wild ride, researching and learning about all these meals was really fun! Thank you for the ask!

(Also I just now realized you also asked for their hobbies... I'll try answering that another time, cause' like I said, I gotta go to sleep lol)

Aster has no favorite food yet by the way, because he can't even taste food, but comment what meal you think would be his favorite if they were human.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS ZERO Animate Tokuten Drama CD “A Vampire’s Late Night Snack Terror” [Kanato ver.]

Original title: 夜更かしヴァンパイアの食テロ飯 [カナト編]

Source: Diabolik Lovers ZERO Vol. 5 Animate Tokuten CD

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kaji Yuki

Translator’s note: Maybe this is a thing in Japan but the dessert/sweet in this track did not sound appealing to me at all. I thought she was going to make caramelized bananas at first but then this girl added PIZZA CHEESE to bananas???? I guess the unholy amount of maple syrup and cinnamon which Kanato poured on top in the end would probably mask the cheese flavor but that still didn’t sound like something I’d dig into. I’d much rather just eat a normal banana to be honest. 

You enter the kitchen.

“Uu...Hic...Uu...”

You rush over to his side.

“What’s wrong? What brings you to the kitchen...?”

You explain.

“I see...You came looking for me...But I don’t feel like going back to my room right now. Please just leave me be.”

You ask what happened.

“What happened...you ask? Can you really not tell by looking at this empty container...!?”

*Thud*

“Somebody ate my pudding! The pudding I kept in the fridge to enjoy as my bedtime snack!! I bet they’re watching from somewhere right now, snickering as they see me suffer from not being able to sleep as a result! It really pisses me off...!!”

You ask who did it.

“Kuh...I don’t care who the culprit is! ...I’ll burn everyone in this manor to ashes...No, that won’t do it. Instead I’ll smear wasabi on top of a cream pie and throw those in their faces! At once!”

You stop him.

“...Why are you stopping me? Could it be...Aah, I get it now. It was you, wasn’t it? You are the one who ate my pudding, aren’t you? Unforgivable...I won’t let you get away with this!”

You shake your head in denial. 

“Do you truly believe you can talk yourself out of this? I am enraged right now. Being deprived of my beloved sweets is basically torture! Uu...How could you...This is simply too much...! I was...looking forward to it so much as well...Uu...My pudding...Uuー”

You try to comfort him.

“You will...make some for me...?”

You nod.

“Really?”

You nod again.

“ーー Please say that sooner next time. Just think about all the unnecessary energy I wasted on crying.”

*Rustle*

“Come on. What is taking you so long? Chop-chop!”

You seem surprised how he stopped crying at once.

“Those were obviously fake tears! ...More importantly, get started on that pudding for me already.”

You open the fridge.

“What’s wrong? Don’t tell me...we don’t have the right ingredients?”

You chuckle nervously. 

“Are you...making fun of me, perhaps? Is it fun to give me hope first only to crush it into a million pieces afterwards? Are you so desperate for a severe punishment, is that it?”

You shake your head.

“Hah! Your shamelessness knows no limits, does it? Fine then! I’ll use your blood as the sauce to drizzle on top of my shaved ice!”

You offer to give him another type of candy.

“Are you trying to butter up to me like that? Those sweet words don’t make me happy in the slightest right now! Some store-bought candies won’t calm this anger I feel. ...Unless you serve me something worthy to be on the menu of a high-rate cafe, I’m not eating it!”

You promise to make that. 

“What do you mean ‘fine’? Did you not hear me when I said that I’m only accepting something exceptional?”

You say that you will make that.

“Haah...? You’ll make a dessert when you don’t even have any milk or eggs?”

You nod.

“I won’t believe you right away. Prove that you can make it. I shall put your punishment on-hold until then. ...You better believe I won’t forgive you if you serve me something vile.”

*TIMESKIP*

*Rustle rustle*

“Hm...”

*Cling cling*

“Are these the ingredients?”

You ask if he would like to help out.

“What nonsense are you spouting? As if I would ever help out!”

You agree. 

“Exactly. If you understand that, hurry up and get those hands moving.”

*Rustle rustle*

*Thud*

*Chop chop chop*

“Hm? You halved a banana before slicing it lengthwise? Hah! What a strange thing to do. You’re repeating that process several times...Let me be so kind as to give you a little warning. If you’re thinking about making something as boring as a fruits parfait, I will boil your blood and make jam out of it, do you understand?”

You ask him to have faith in you.

“I cannot have faith. I can already tell what sort of dessert you will serve me. Do you truly think you’ll be able to exceed my expectations?” 

*Cling cling*

“Eh...? A frying pan...? Don’t tell me...You’re going to fry those!?”

You put some butter in the pan.

*Pshhh*

“...! I can smell the rich aroma of butter. It’s finally starting to look a bit more like it. At least for now, that is. ...You’ll add the cut-up bananas from earlier into this pan and fry them, correct?”

You nod and add the banana slices.

“Hm? Why are you arranging them neatly next to one another like that?”

You explain.

“Good point. A good dessert should look pretty as well. If you plate it in a cute way, it’d fit my tastes better. Mmh. I can tell that you put some actual thought into this. I wouldn’t mind getting my hopes up somewhat. ...So, what will you do next?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Did you just sprinkle some cheese on top? It’s the type that melts easily when exposed to heat, correct? ...It’s starting to gradually crisp up, almost like the crust of a pie.”

*Pshhh*

“You’ll flip them over and fry the other side as well, right?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Then put even more cheese on top...Hmm~ It’s starting to smell delicious. I cannot get enough of this aroma of cheese and butter. Say, how much longer before it’s done?”

You tell him it just needs a few final toppings.

“Ah! I will put the final toppings on there!”

You frown.

“Are you talking back? I’m the one who will enjoy this dish, so do you have an issue with me seasoning it to my personal tastes?”

You shake your head. 

“Fufu, glad you understand~ ...Let’s douse the whole thing in maple syrup~! Next up is a generous amount of cinnamon, no need to hold back with it!”

He adds his toppings.

*Thud*

“Now it’s perfect! ...Melt-in-your-mouth sauteed bananas ー seasoned with maple syrup and cinnamon, all done! ...I can’t wait to dig in! Come on, please put them on a plate!”

*Rustle rustle*

*Cling*

“Ah...Well then, bon appetit~”

He takes a bite.

*Nom nom*

“Mmh~~~!! ...Mm...So sweet...~~ The crispy cheese melts in my mouth...It pairs incredibly well with the maple syrup as well! And the richness from the butter has properly seeped into the banana! The warm bananas are super soft as well, melting on my tongue...This is pure bliss!”

*Nom nom*

“Mm, mm~~ ...Hm? Hmph. You can look at me like that all you want, I am not sharing any with you. This dessert is mine. ...However, if you insist, I suppose I could consider it.”

You seem surprised. 

“Yes. I happen to be in an excellent mood right now after all. I suppose I can let you have just one bite.”

He cuts up a piece for you.

“Come on, open your mouth. ‘Aahn’...Fufu~ I fed it to you, so make sure to savor it thoroughly, okay?” 

You tell him that it’s delicious. 

“Of course! I acknowledged this dessert, so of course it is! Besides, the banana slices have been plated to resemble a flower, so it’s also pretty to look at! ...Say, did you decide to fry them in this shape because you thought I would enjoy it? Of course you did, didn’t you?”

You confirm it.

“Fufu. I see. You are so cute like that. ...Right, let me praise you. You worked hard for my sake after all.”

*Cling*

“Allow me to pat your head. ...Accept your reward, okay?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Fufu...You are so docile tonight. Just like a doll, it’s adorable. The thing about the pudding pissed me off, but I suppose it no longer matters now. I realized that the sweets you make are my favorite after all. I suppose I no longer need Reiji then. I’ll have you make all of my desserts and snacks from here on out.”

You flinch.

“Hm? Do you have an issue with that? Just look at how thoroughly satisfied I am, so you won’t possibly turn down my request, right?”

You shake your head.

“Fufu, good girl. Haah~ I truly feel great tonight. ...I’ll have a sip of your blood as well once I’ve finished my dessert, okay? I’m on a roll right now, so I’ll have plenty.”

*Rustle*

“Please entertain me until the morning dawns, okay? Fufu...”

ーー THE END ーー 

[lucky-lucky-duck]

Tokyo Debunker Match-up: Tasnim

Ahhhh, I'm sorry this took so long! I was having a week long mental breakdown over classes and then needed a day to recover a bit. c': But!! I really loved the one you did for me so I hope this makes up for the wait! Also, you wrote from the character's perspective so I responded the same way. Hope that's fine! @ithseem @courtofmatchups

Request:

Hey! I run the Court of Matchups blog. This is my main. I'm down to do a trade. Are you willing to do a Tokyo Debunker matchup for an OC? Her name is Tasnim. I'm gonna write this as if she's the one speaking so you can better grasp how they speak, for all intents and purposes, so... Here you go.

Appearance: I am a bisexual South Asian demigirl (she/they pronouns) with straight black hair and tan skin. I usually tie into a low braid because I think it looks cute, and I don't like the feeling of loose hair on the back of my neck. I also wear glasses. I am 160 cm tall and pretty scrawny. My favourite colours are pink and orange, and I present myself very feminine, but I do like to dabble in other aesthetics too.

Personality: I like to say I'm a pretty cheerful and upbeat person. I try my best to smile through tough situations, though it can be hard sometimes. I also like to say I'm a family person, and I will do anything to protect them, and my friends. I am perfectionistic, but sadly I am a bit scatterbrained, much to the dismay of my parents and older sister. Hell, I almost burned the eggs I was making for the first time (I have gotten better tho). I have been working on my organizational skills though, and I’m happy to say that I’ve come a pretty long way. I can be quite petty too. If someone wrongs me, I tell them either bad puns or horrifying facts for a period of time as revenge. I'm also good at math, so my friends come to me for help with that. Also, in almost every friend group I'm in, I somehow become a therapist friend. Lemme tell you, THAT really takes a toll on me. I also have a soft spot for unabridged fairytales (they high-key have me in a chokehold). Some more lil' factoids about me: I wear my hair in a low braid because I don't like the feeling of hair on the back of my neck. My friends and family often told me my hands get pretty animated when I talk

Likes: Anime, drawing comics, video games, unabridged fairytales, sweets (my favourite dessert is caramel pudding) and spending time with my older sister

Dislikes: Cruelty, confrontation (I will kick butt if I need to, literally or figuratively), anyone who dares to threaten my friends or family, arrogance when it gets out of hand, black tea or coffee (I cannot drink it unless it is sweetened or if I have it with a LOT of milk)

Here's the design:

I would match you with: Luca Errant☆

Luca is someone who can really appreciate your disposition, mostly because he's the same way. He's also a very family oriented person, so I think he would try really hard to mesh well with yours, especially if you spend a lot of time with them. He might make himself a little anxious trying to make sure they like him, so please give him a pep talk and maybe some advise.

I also think that he would find the whole scatterbrained thing very cute! Luca sees you as someone on the exact same level as him, like a partner. So, when he finds an opportunity to be the one to support you, he jumps at it. If you mention having plans, he writes it down and reminds you later. If you're cooking, he'll try to inconspicuously position himself close enough to react if you turn away and it starts to burn. (he cannot cook, though, so that's probably as far as that goes.) He wants to be everything you need, but he's very good about not overdoing it or overstepping boundaries.

Luca is very much an acts of service and quality time man when it comes to relationships, so there's not a chance in hell that you'd ever be forced into the therapist friend role. He'll probably have a problem with others treating you like that, as well. And unfortunately, Luca definitely doesn't shy away from confrontation when he sees if weighing on you. In the moments where the both of you are going through something tough behind closed doors, you'd be able the comfort the other in a way that doesn't leave either of you to take the brunt of the emotions.

Ask him to braid your hair for you! Please! I don't think he knows how initially, but he absolutely starts learning for you the minute you ask him about it. It's a small act that he can do for you, and it almost feels like he can braid in all of his affection and good will, which I think would make him feel better when he can't be around you for a while. He also keeps one of your hair ties on his wrist, just in case.

Also, how ironic is it that you're obsessed with unabridged fairy tales and then end up with the most Disney Prince lookin' ass in the whole franchise? He loves that you like telling him about your favorite things, and he'd get a lot of comfort just from listening to you ramble about it, even if it's the bloody and disturbing topic of unabridged fairy tales. All-in-all, I think this would be a really happy pair!

[bird-slayer-brainrot]

A diner at the end of the universe - DW one shot

Before the fourth war of the Planets of the Tiberius Belt, and before the collapse of the Roplinsky empire, there had been a legend. And this legend was about a diner.

Henry had heard all the rumours. The travelling diner. The old, immortal diner that never seemed to host anyone. Henry knew everything. She knew that, once, the coffee had been really bad, but it was decent now. That if you played a song, the workers let you eat free of charge. That the diner had remained standing, undamaged, in the middle of a war, and when it had ended, they found a camp of refugees waiting for the war to be over.

Henry was eleven years old when she first went to the diner. She had begged and pleaded her Pa to take her since it had arrived. It had taken up residence far side of the park they used to go to play frisbee. Henry had fond memories of the park. The trees were tall, adorned with orange, auburn, ever-falling leaves. There was a story there, that an evil witch had cursed their planet with eternal autumn out of jealously for its brights suns and blue sky. It had meant to scare the children into modesty, but, as it was, young children found a different message in their dying world, that one day, there would be a spring so beautiful it would make the centuries of autumn worth every moment.

Nobody knew why the diner was there, or indeed when it had gotten there. Despite the mystery it was enshrouded in, the diner was rarely visited. This made Henry all the more determined to see it for herself.

When her father swung open the glass diner doors, Henry was immediately hit with a strange sense of familiarity.

Henry hadn’t expected there to be anyone in the diner, but the sight of the empty bar and red, leather seats still seemed strange. Tourists from other planets often frequented the old-Earth themed attractions.

Henry sat on the cool, hard leather and looked at the posters on the wall. Despite its lack of popularity, the diner seemed well kept and neat. The jukebox by the door, a colourful antique thing that probably shouldn’t still work played a soft guitar melody, before a male and female duet began.

The clacking of heels against tile caught her attention. She turned her head and a waitress was there. “Hello there.” the waitress chirped. Henry turned her head and watched as a broad smile graced the lady’s face. “My name is Me, and I will be your server in today. What can I get you?” Her father gave her a lurk, and Henry pointed to the pancakes on the menu. The waitress, giving her Pa a knowing smile, scribbled the order, along with a black coffee and a full English, into a small, discrete notepad.

“Won’t be a minute.” She smiled, before turning away and going to the kitchen.

“So.” Her dad said over a bite of black pudding and egg. “What do you think?”

And Henry smiled at him over half eaten pancakes. When they tried to settle the check, the waitress, Me, insisted it was on the house. They left the diner with their bellies and their hearts full.

Four years later, they came.

It had been on the local news every night for a week, and everyone was terrified, even if they never knew quite why. The diner stood, accompanied by a ship. They all waited to see what would happen.

People had started gathering outside of the diner to see. The crowds grew and grew, and eventually the authorities had gotten involved to crowd manage.

Henry went to the park one afternoon to see. Though it had been years since she had eaten there, she felt strangely protective over the place, like that morning with pancakes and orange juice and her Pa’s bitter coffee had lodged in her a desire to protect the place if she could, in the same way an injured bird attracted human salvation.

It was busier than usual, and it soon became apparent why. Though Henry could not have made her way through the crowds if she fought.  She heard two ladies talking. The sign at the door had switched to closed.

The protest lasted four months. Every day, from morning to dusk people gathered at the edge of the park outside the strange, foreign diner to watch. Waiting, for motion, for the owner of the diner or the owner of the ship to act. Henry was there whenever she could be. Time wore on but the numbers didn’t dwindle.

And then, the next day, the mysterious spaceship had left. Some had said the police had gotten involved, and those who bought it said it was the Silence. But what everyone agreed on was that they were glad to be rid of it.

Then, months later, the diner was gone too. The grass patch where it once was looked unbothered. Like the diner, the strange, old diner, had never been there at all.

It was years later, on the planet Tiberius, when Henry saw the diner again. The new settlement, with its glossy, bright lights and translucent glass contrasted that old diner completely. Henry couldn’t believe it when she saw it. She hardly slept that night. She went the next day.

It was the same as it was before, unchanged. Henry stepped hesitantly through the front door. It was overwhelming, and the same sugary syrup smell of the air stopped her in her tracks.

A door swung open and Henry stared. The woman, black hair done in vintage roles, wearing the same blue waitress uniform smiled at her. Henry watched herself from afar as her legs took her to the booth that she had sat at all that time ago.

“Henry, wasn’t it?” the waitress asked. Her voice sounded the same. “You seem well.”

“Yes.” Henry nodded. Me, that’s what her name was, the namebadge was the same. “I’m well.”

Two cups of black coffee in mismatched mugs were poared. Henry clutched the warm ceramic but didn’t drink.

“You must have a lot of questions.” Me said, smirking. It felt impossible that she looked so relaxed. So young. Henry was barely twelve when she last saw her.

A voice sounded suddenly from behind the door, and Henry watched as Me turned her head and yelled something back. Suddenly, another waitress emerged. In one hand, she held a plate loaded with pacakes, whipped cream and syrup, and in the other, a jug or orange juice.

“Hello Henry.” She said, stopping aside Me. Henry looked down at the stack of pancakes in front of her. Unable to say a thing, she picked up a fork and took a bite.

They were exactly as she remembered.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions.” The woman said softly, a small smile on her face. Across from her, Me made a noise.

“Let her eat first.” Me scolded gently. Henry watched as Me looked at the other woman fondly. The other woman, in turn, slipped beside Me, and quickly plucked a cherry off Henry’s plate. Before Henry could say anything, the woman laughed a, bright, kind sound, and twiddled the stem between her fingers. Me frowned at her without menace.

“You’ve been waiting for us.” It was then that Henry noticed her name badge. The name was also familiar. She had never met this woman in her life, but the inevitability in which this encounter felt steeped in was not at the back of Henry’s mind.

“Now.” She smiled at Henry. “Do you want to hear a story?”

[momiji-bookhouse]

Hii! Can i have Sweet flower with kazuha for the event please ^v^

[Sweet Flower]: "You've got some flour on your cheek there, darling."

Event Masterlist

pairing: Kaedehara Kazuha x gn!reader

genre: fluff

cw: mention of parent's death

The kitchen is where you feel at home.

It is the place where your first memories were made, where your father would hold you while your mother worked her magic in the kitchen to whip up the sweetest concoctions. You would poke everything curiously, laughing in delight as you swipe a small line of batter onto your mom's cheeks — no doubt at the nudging of your dad.

When you're a little older, you and him would bet on who could steal the most desserts before she notices, resulting in her having to slap your hands several times as you try to swipe an egg tart or cookie, ignoring her scolding while running away with your prize inside your mouth.

When you're not stealing, your mom would let you stay by her side while she bakes, your eyes following her every movement as she moves around gracefully, not a single action wasted.

You watch her make crystalline tanghulu from strawberries and sunsettias, cut squares of perfectly silken almond tofu and pouring osmanthus syrup over them, and press intricate designs onto mooncakes.

At one point, she notices that you begin to spend more time around the kitchen, less to pilfer and more because you're genuinely curious in what she's making and how she's making it. She started you with simple tasks such as pouring ingredients into the mixing bowl and cutting fruits with a child-proof knife, gradually teaching you how to wrap black sesame paste into glutinous tangyuan balls and make the creamiest puddings.

Many of your early attempts would come out misshapen and not quite right, but your dad would always eat them with gusto, no matter if you accidentally burnt it too much or put the wrong amount of ingredients in. Something kindled inside of you as you watch your parents eat the desserts you made, motivating you to work even harder next time to get it right.

You keep these memories of a narrow kitchen with walls seeped with the smell of sugar and spice and the echoes of laughter close to your chest. Especially when your mother was taken away by a swift and incurable disease.

You didn't think it would be possible for a kitchen to become more cramped, but everywhere you turn, a phantom of what was once was would haunt your vision. You alternate wildly between spending all your time in that tiny space and avoiding it all together, unable to bear to look at it. Your dad did most of the cooking when you both got tired of takeouts, no sugary scent wafted through the house.

It took a long time of crying, partial healing, and reflecting before you could step into the place without breaking down. Longer still for you to touch the well-worn baking equipments. Once you returned, you couldn't stop.

Like many, your mom didn't write down any of her recipes, instead relying on instinct and knowledge passed down from parent to child from each generation. Even if she did write them down, you had no doubt that she would be using words like "a pinch of this" or "a dash of that". She never taught you in precise measurements and instructions, but instead in how to feel.

This leads you to go down an obsessive rabbit hole, trying desperately to capture the taste you once knew, no matter how many batches it takes or how many sleepless nights. Your dad eats them all as he always does, even when he holds you close while you break down in tears, his own trailing down his cheeks.

It's a cathartic way of healing, but you heal nonetheless, no matter how slowly it takes. It culminated until one day you sink your teeth into a bouncy piece of almond tofu, and everything falls away until you're a child again, being lifted by your dad as both of you take a sneaky sip of the syrup, the sound of your mom's scolds faded in the background. You embrace your dad, and for the first time in a while, the tears in both of your eyes were joyful.

You realize that as much as baking heals you, watching other people eat your creations and see the memories washing over them heals you, too. You began to work multiple jobs here and there, and with help from your dad, managed to open up a bakery of your own. You make sweets that are familiar to the people of Liyue, but what sets you apart is that you're willing to make anything your customers ask of you. You've even had some customers from Mondstadt and Sumeru who came looking for a taste of home. You accepted all of their requests, as long as they're able to teach you or bring you a recipe. Atsuko in particular has become a regular, coming to pick up a mochi or two before going off to job hunt again.

It warms you to see your customers so happy, and that makes up for all of the hard work and endless nights poring over your failed experimentations.

One day, you open up as usual, putting all the freshly-made goods into the glass display case and placing the containers of fragrant tea leaves onto the counters. You just got word that the Crux have returned to harbor and was preparing for the sailors that would no doubt walk through your doors.

You're in the middle of putting another batch of egg tarts into the oven when you hear the door opens. You turn around, armed with your best smile to greet the customer. What you didn't expect to see is a young man in Inazuman clothing, the maple motif on his kimono matches the red streak in his pale white hair. He looks around your bakery curiously, and any interest you have about what an Inazuman is doing in Liyue in the middle of a highly publicized Sakoku Decree is squashed down by your customer service instincts.

"Hello, can I help you with anything?" You ask politely.

His eyes rest on you, the color reminding you of glazed sunsettias. He smiles, and your heart can't help but give a thump at how it lights up his youthful and attractive face.

"Good morning, this place was recommended to me, but I'm not too familiar with the sweets of Liyue. Could you recommend me something?"

"Of course. What is your preference when it comes to sweets? Do you like it to have more of a balanced, bitter aftertaste? Or something tart and citrusy?"

He thinks for a moment. "I have never really thought about it. Perhaps something light and airy to wash away today's humid weather?"

"I've got just the thing. For here or to go?"

"For here, please."

You nod and direct him to a table while you go to the back to retrieve the chilled almond milk. You cut them and scoop the delicate squares onto the plate, pouring just the right amount of golden syrup onto them, garnishing with a sprinkling of crushed almonds.

You place the dish down in front of him. "This is almond tofu with osmanthus syrup. Let me know if you need anything else."

You go to serve the next customer, wrapping up their order and receiving Mora from them. As you busy yourself, you can't help but glance over to him, eager to see his first reaction.

He spoons a piece of the glistening, white-jade jelly and slowly puts it into his mouth. Your mouth curves upwards when you see his eyes widening, a look of surprise crossing over his face. He takes a second bite, this time closing his eyes to slowly savor it. The romantics would say that in that moment, you can see an aura of flowers and sparkles radiating from him, and you like to think you're one of them. This is why you do what you do, after all.

After that, he stops by whenever he can, always taking the time to talk to you or even help out in the bakery when you needed. That's how you came to know him better, learning his name and bits of his past, the ones that he was willing to share with you.

(You're not so clueless as to not notice the faraway look in his eyes.)

As a sailor, Kazuha never remains on land for long, quickly whisked away by the calling of the sea as he sets out with the Crux to new adventures. But whenever he returns to Liyue Harbor, not only would he visit you, he would bring you ingredients from horizons far away. Valberries from windy Mondstadt, crunchy Lavender Melons the color of lightning, fragrant Padisarahs that shines purple when grounded. He gives them all to you without asking for anything in return, even when you insisted and managed to shove a dozen egg tarts into his hands.

However, you're determined to do something for him. So you went to Atsuko to ask her about Inazuman sweets and whether she can teach some to you. It took a few weeks of experimenting and endless baking in your kitchen, but you're finally able to make something that you're proud of. The next time that you catch wind of the infamous fleet anchoring itself at the harbor, you're ready for him as he walks through the door.

Kazuha glances at the plate that you offered in front of him. "Is this...what I think it is?"

You nod excitedly. "Surprise! I can't let you leave empty-handed this time." You put a hand up to stop him. "No buts, Kazuha. Please, just taste-test this for me? I want to make sure I got it right."

He takes a translucent Mizu Manjuu from the plate, and your heart can't help but thrum in your ears in anticipation. He pops it cleanly into his mouth, causing you to lean forward to catch his reaction.

He chews, and the longer he does the more you notice the gold flecks in his eyes sparkling back at you. An emotion that you recognize in many of your other customers take hold of him, one that twists the face into euphoric happiness and subsequent nostalgic sentimentality. In that moment, what memories had flooded him?

"This is..." There's a catch in his voice. "This is absolutely delicious. How did you learn to make these?"

"I have some help." You smile in satisfaction. "Did they taste like the real thing?"

"That and everything more. You have a marvelous talent, (Y/N). Your sweets have a special quality that I don't think even the best vendors in Inazuma could hope to replicate."

The blush that blooms from your cheeks travel all the way up to the tips of your ears. "You flatter me too much, Kazuha."

The white-haired ronin raise a hand close to your cheek, wiping away the streak of flour on it and leaving a behind a tingling trail, his smile genuine. "My words may be embellished, but they are never insincere."

You realize then though you love to feed all of your customers, you've come to love feeding Kazuha the most. He weaves his way into your heart as easy as the wind through your hair, planting himself into every corner of your mind and refuses to let go. It's as natural as shaping perfectly round sweet buns, so much so that you never feel like you have to rely on a recipe or method, even with your first kiss.

That's how you find yourself having to smack your boyfriend's hand as he dips a finger into the bowl of matcha cream that you're mixing.

"Kazuha," you scold. "That's for the dorayaki."

"I'm just tasting for you, my love," he says innocently. "It's delicious, as usual."

"For your information, I've already tasted it." You push the bowl further away from him. "I remember saying that about the red bean filling too, but that didn't stop you, did it?" Even as you say so, you find yourself giving him the spoon you used. Consider it a reward for him making the pancakes.

So there you stand with Kazuha in the cramp kitchen — him somehow still able to flip the pancakes expertly while having a hand around your waist, you spreading the filling onto them, both of you laughing and sneaking sweet kisses.

The kitchen smells of butter and sugar. And gods, does it feel like home.

[airyairyaucontraire]

It's strange how much, when I have time off (e.g. tomorrow is ANZAC Day and I've booked the Friday after as annual leave so I can have a four-day weekend), I feel like "ah, normal life for a bit," because work-day life never really feels like life.

Anyway, this weekend is my mother's 70th birthday and she's having a party (catered ladies' lunch) and she's sad because her sister is sick and can't come but on the other hand her best friend has flown over from Australia for it, and I will spend a chunk of tomorrow baking two large and sumptuous carrot cakes for the occasion.

The best carrot cake recipe I've ever found btw: Carrot Cake III from Allrecipes.com. I make it without the pecans, because my sister's allergic to nuts, and instead of plain cinnamon I use mixed spice (called pudding spice in the UK and pumpkin pie spice in the USA). Otherwise, I just follow the recipe and I really cannot over-emphasise how nice this cake is. My sister and mother request it for their birthday cakes pretty much every year.

It's so moist you can make it a couple of days in advance with no noticeable deterioration (provided you store it wrapped up or in an airtight container, of course). The original recipe is for a 9x13 rectangular pan but it works pretty perfectly if you divide the batter equally between two medium-size round cake pans and then layer the baked cakes with the cream cheese icing, which is my normal method. This time, however, I'm making the rectangular version for ease of cutting and serving to a lot of different people.

And it's easy. You don't actually need an electric mixer, if you have a whisk or an egg-beater and some gumption that's just as good. I speed things up by grating the carrots in a food processor - as well as being quicker, I find this results in tidier grated carrots that don't leak and slop their juice so much. In my experience, three medium-size carrots usually yield three cups of the grated stuff, and I would recommend using a grater or food processor disc with smaller holes - thinner strands of carrot give you a better-textured cake.

And as you may know if you know me, I like carrot cake to be a simple and honest CARROT cake, and this one is. There is no secret, sneaky fruit involved.* Carrot it says and carrot it is and carrot it ever shall be.

I once made this with heirloom purple carrots as an experiment. It looked simply disgusting and tasted exactly the same.

*I don't mind if you want a carrot and pineapple cake! I just think you should call it a carrot and pineapple cake. Stuff you if you put sultanas or raisins in it though.

[kjs-s]

Charm on aisle five

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Summary: falling in love at the supermarket wasn’t on your to-do list today, yet here you were snatching looks at a cute stranger.

 Word Count: 1023

Warnings: none

A/N This is my first entry for @caplanbuckybarnes's summary challenge. The prompt was the summary.

Deciding to make a handmade wrap for your best friend's birthday gift was a fun idea. That is up until you found yourself looking for glitter and ribbon. After not finding anything close to the ones you wanted at the local craft store you tried your luck at the last resort, a supermarket.

You luckily found what you needed right away and you decided to take your time to pick one more glitter color to use. After picking up some golden ones you felt someone tapping you on the shoulder.

''Excuse me, could you help me find something?'' You turned and saw a sweet little old lady next to you with a shopping list with at least twenty items on it.

''I know that you don't work here but I looked everywhere and I can't find any employees anywhere. I only need three things. Could you please help me find them?'' She smiled at you and when you agreed to assist her she handed you her list. It had most of the items crossed off bar from indeed just three things, milk, eggs, and sugar. Two of those you knew where they were and only one you had to look for.

''Come with me, the milk is just in the next aisle. I will help you choose the one you need if you tell me what you are planning to use it for. Maybe you are baking something?'' You led her to the right way. Then you crossed paths with a beautiful brunette woman wearing a red jacket. She was picking up craft supplies and didn't seem to notice you admiring her.

You helped the old woman pick the right milk after he had explained with too many details that she was planning to make a caramel pudding.

The eggs were close by so that only left you to find where the sugar was. You glanced around the aisle you were on and right then locked eyes with the brunette you saw earlier. You thought she smiled at you but you told yourself that it must have been in your imagination.

''I will go and take and look around the store for the sugar. You stay here and if I find someone who works here I will send them your way.'' You took off and thankfully found the sugar easily before returning and giving it to the old lady. She thanked you profusely and you wished her luck with her baking. Once again you looked at the woman with those pretty eyes from earlier.

You turned around towards the other way hoping she didn't notice you staring at her. While you were helping the old lady you had put down your things so you had to go back to get your glitter and ribbon. Standing up you saw the pretty girl again and she walked over to stand next to you. You thought that a conversation hopefully wouldn't hurt.

'Nice jacket. I love that color.''

''Thank you, it's my favorite one. Hey, I noticed you helping someone earlier. Do you mind if I asked for your opinion on something?'' She smiled sweetly at you making you feel a little flutter at how good-looking she was.

''Of course, I hope I can help you with anything you want.'' You wished she had a complicated thing to ask that required a big explanation to keep you talking to her for more time.

''I am trying to make a gift for my friend's kid. Do you think those two colors could go well together?'' She held up two ribbons in front of her. One of them was maroon and the other one was lavender.

''I like those but I would probably go with the violet one instead. It would work better together, don't you think?'' You took the violet one and held it up next to the maroon ribbon.

''You have a good eye. I am very lucky I ran into you. I'm Wanda by the way.'' She extended her hand that wasn't holding a basket and you struggled to hold all your items in one hand to shake it.

''I'm (Y/n). Nice to meet you, Wanda. And I'm glad I could help you with your ribbon picking. I'm sure your gift will be very well received. I am actually making one myself for a friend of mine.'' You showed her the items you had picked.

''Helpful and creative. Seems like must be the perfect person.'' She smiled and made you blush with her compliment.

''I wouldn't say that. I am just trying to be nice to people. There is enough negativity around. We shouldn't add more to it.''

''I like that way of thinking. Also being nice to people could make someone's day. Like your helped made my morning.'' She paused for a second not wanting to leave just yet to end but felt she was keeping you from your plans.

''Happy to hear that. But I am done with my shopping. I shouldn't keep you from anything Wanda.''

''I am done as well. Maybe walk to the checkout with me?'' The two of you checked out together still chatting a little about the gifts you were about to make.

When you exited the supermarket you stood there trying to figure out how to not end the conversation just yet.

''It was nice meeting you (Y/N). I hope I will see you around soon. Wanda felt like she was bothering you and that you probably just wanted to leave.

''I hope so too Wanda. And if you have a pet or consider getting one I work at the pet shop around the corner from here.'' You pointed in the direction of the shop.

''I found a lost dog last night, believe it or not. I was looking into local vets and pet stores this morning so I will definitely visit yours tomorrow to get some things for him. And of course to see you again.''

''I can't wait, see you tomorrow.'' You walked home with a smile on your face and a little pep in your steps mirroring Wanda's as she did the same thing.

[uwudonoodle]

Happy pi day! I think stories are always better if they have a delicious pie in them. So here's a random list of pies on screen, that I lowkey want to make and eat. 🥧

🎞 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

🥧 Gooseberry Pie

The queen poisoned Snow before she could put it in the oven. That's the real tragedy. I've never had a gooseberry pie, but my dad has a small gooseberry bush that might produce enough for a pie some day.

🎞 Julie and Julia

🥧 Chocolate Silk Pie

Julie makes a pie in the opening of the movie while musing about how cooking brings her peace in a chaotic world. I had never had a chocolate silk pie before, but after the movie I looked up a recipe and made it. It's now one of my most requested pies at Thanksgiving. Although I like to use an oreo crust where Julie used a Graham cracker.

🎞 Big Fish

🥧 Apple Pie

Of course the perfect little idyllic town of Spectre, Alabama served hot apple pie. It looked real good too.

🎞 Kiki's Delivery Service

🥧 Herring Pie

At least I think it's a fish pie because of the design on top, not positive. Fish pie wouldn't be my favorite to eat. It was baked in a wood fired oven, and man, did the crust look amazing.

🎞 Harry Potter

🥧 Shepherd's Pie, Pumpkin Pasties, and Treacle Tart

(This includes the books as well since I think only the Pumpkin Pasties are mentioned in the movies.) Shepherd's pie is pure comfort food. We aren't really shown pumpkin pasties, but they sound like mini pumpkin hand pies. I saw Binging with Babish make Treacle tart (Harry's favorite) and now it's on my wish list. I just have to order some golden syrup from the UK to make it.

🎞 Tangled

🥧 Raspberry Rhubarb Pie?

We don't really know what kind of pie Rapunzel bakes in her tower kitchen, but the internet thinks it's raspberry rhubarb, which sounds awesome.

🎞 I, Robot

🥧 Sweet Potato Pie

I love how Will Smith's character is so excited for his Grandma's pie, that he just starts eating without even cutting a slice. Then he tells some stranger on the street to hold it or wear it. 🤣

🎞 Hook

🥧 Imagination Cream Pie

All the imaginary food in Neverland looked amazing to me as a kid. It would be fun to try to make a cream pie that was as colorful as the food in that scene. I wonder what flavor it should be? Inventing new pies is fun.

🎞 The Emperor's New Groove

🥧 Spinach Puffs

Arguably not pie, but it's a filling in a pasty, so close enough. Binging with Babish's recipe looks awesome, but I have yet to try it. Kronk is a proud cook, and I respect him for it.

🎞 Blazing Saddles

🥧 Cream Pie

They did more throwing than eating, but the pies still looked tasty, and it was a good time.

🎞 Waitress (movie and musical)

🥧 Marshmallow Pie, Dark Chocolate Strawberry Pie, Spiced Pumpkin Pie, Chocolate Blackberry Pie, Butterscotch Banana Pudding Pie, Ham and Cheese Quiche, Spaghetti Pie, Pecan Cheesecake, Peach Pie, Cherry Pie, Chocolate Custard Pie, Cinnamon Custard (hope I remembered them all)

Before I saw Waitress, I had made pies, but I never thought about inventing new pies. Jenna got me thinking more creatively. I've since made my own versions of her Dark Chocolate Strawberry, Chocolate Silk, Spaghetti Pie, and Ham and Cheese Quiche. FYI, one of the pies on the DVD cover has a lazy lattice, and I noticed. 👀

📺 Monk

🥧 Chicken Pot Pie

Monk got the crust perfectly placed and then stalled while he counted the peas. It hurt my heart that I never got to see the finished product. I should make more pot pies, they are awesome.

📺 Avatar: The Last Airbender

🥧 Egg Custard Tarts

Avatar did not need a pie to be one of the best shows ever, but it did, because Avatar has it all. The face Aang makes when tempted with egg custard is adorable. Now I know why, as I made an egg custard a few years ago at Christmas.

📺 In Plain Sight

🥧 Lemon Meringue or Banana Cream (I didn't get a good look)

After a long hard day, Mary's partner got her a big slice of pie from a bakery and told her, "Eat pie. Pie makes everything better." Thank you, Marshall. We stan.

📺 The Dragon Prince

🥧 Jelly Tarts

Of course my favorite show has pie. They are based on an Israeli dessert, but they're close enough to pie for me. Callum's Spellbook has a recipe, although I might try making them with traditional pie dough. Maybe for the season 6 premier?🤞 I just have to decide which flavor. 🤔

📺 Adventure Time

🥧 Apple Pie (with crystal apples!)

I watched the first episode, and when they mentioned pie, I was like, this show is going to be good. Even though Tree Trunks was wisked to another dimension and never actually got to finish her pie, I ended up loving Adventure Time.

📺 Pushing Daisies

🥧 Mixed Berry Pie, Kiwi Cream Pie, Three Plum Pie, Apple Pie with Gruyere

No joke, my therapist recommended this show to me because she knew I loved baking pies. I, of corse, immediately identified with the sad pie maker who was obsessed with making pies as a way to cope. I binged the entire series, then found out it was cancelled, and processed to mourn for the next week. I still want to try to recreate some of their signature pies. The Kiwi Cream is so pretty.

🎮 The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom

🥧 Apple Pie, Pumpkin Pie, Fruit Pie, Meat Pie, Fish Pie, Egg Tarts, and Cheesecake (it counts)

These the first video games I ever finished (my parents banned them so I didn't get to start playing until I was older). The combat still kind of scares me, but I took to the cooking right away. On my first play through, I was so excited to get Tabantha Wheat, so I could finally make pies. Wild's era Link is so much cooler because he's a pie maker. I always keep a few egg custard tarts in my inventory for some quick hearts.

Happy pi day! Go eat a big slice. Pie makes everything better.

Please comment any pies I missed (I definitely haven't seen everything).

*Sweeny Todd, American Pie, Spongebob's bomb pie, and The Help aren't mentioned because their pies were not delicious.*

[sanerontheinside]

For the kisses prompt: hand kisses 👏

well, it lives on ao3 now! pls enjoy :3

the meme | the ask box

“The rules are simple,” Bruck had said pompously. “You have to make it through the ball without anyone recognising you. But that’s the easy part: you have to make it not just through the ball, but for a month afterwards. Winner takes the pot.”

He’d grinned at Obi-Wan. “Well, Oafy? Care to take the bet?”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I don’t see why not.”

No one who had attended school with Obi-Wan would ever have challenged him to take part in their friendly wager. Garen had recused himself at once, which really should have been a hint. 

After all, Obi-Wan had taken the female role in every play they’d ever put on at school. And he had very good friends. 

Bant stepped back to survey her handiwork. 

“Oh, you look wonderful, Obi,” she said, and grinned. 

Obi-Wan turned to the mirror, and found there a pretty young shepherdess looking back at him. Even without the mask, he looked entirely unlike himself. The cleft chin might give him away—if someone weren’t already convinced they were dancing with a woman. 

“Thank you, Bantling,” Obi-Wan said. Already, he’d softened his voice into something that could pass for a lady’s sweet lower register. 

Behind him, Garen was smirking. “So what’s my share for walking you into the ballroom and passing you off as my distant cousin?”

Obi-Wan grinned. “While I appreciate your vote of confidence, Cousin, there’s no sense counting our eggs before they’re in the pudding,” he said demurely. “There’s a whole month to carry on afterwards.”

Twenty minutes later in the carriage Garen still had a strange gleam in his eye. Obi-Wan didn’t like the look of it. 

“What is it?” 

Garen leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Well, dearest cousin Bennie—” Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose in disgust “—if we want to sell this for an entire month afterwards, then shouldn’t my cousin attend a few more balls this season?”

Obi-Wan barked a startled laugh. “Oh no—Garen, I couldn’t pass for your dainty cousin Bennie in broad daylight, not without a costume.”

Garen shook his head quickly. “No, but think about it! Your typical ball—an evening of candlelight. The best lighting you’ve got is a fireplace. Think about it, that’s all I ask.”

“Fine.” Obi-Wan sighed. “What sort of a name is Bennie, anyway?”

Garen shrugged. “Short for Benedictine?”

“Absolutely not.”

It was Garen’s turn to laugh at him, apparently. “Bernice, then—oh! Bernadette!”

“Wouldn’t that be shortened to Bernie?”

“Would you like me to call you Bernie?”

Obi-Wan made the most disgusted face he could. “I have a shepherd’s hook, you know, and no compunctions about using it.”

“Yes I think that’s exactly the threat you made when you were five.”

keep on reading on ao3

[greatwyrmgold]

Ugh, is this how Oda redeems Pudding? There are layers to my irritation, so bear with me.

Layer 1: We don't find out that Pudding has a lot of traumatic experiences with people calling her third eye creepy or gross until after Pudding tears up at Sanji calling her eye beautiful.

And it's not like a third eye is something obviously hideous and disfiguring that we can assume that kind of backstory about, especially in a world like One Piece's where forearms the size of your torso or an egg-shaped body or a zipper-mouth or whatever's going on with Gecko Moriah are treated as normal. I know Oda's female character designs tend to be more conservative, but still, this is ridiculous.

My point is, we needed a Pudding backstory flashback before chapter 862 if this was gonna work.

Layer 2: I'm sick of "Your mild flaw is beautiful!"

Not much to say here. It's a pretty common way to try and add some conflict to a romantic subplot without needing to resolve any conflict. One partner (almost always the girl/woman) has some physical abnormality that she's self-conscious about, even though it's almost always designed in such a way that it doesn't affect her appeal to the lowest common denominator. After enough drama has been wrung out of that plot point, the other partner (usually the guy) says that he doesn't think that barely-visible birthmark or cool demon powers or iconic scar or whatever makes her ugly.

This isn't always bad; Shrek handles it well. From the start of the film, we see that most people treat ogres badly, either fleeing in terror or chasing them with torches and pitchforks. We also learn how Fiona turning into an ogre at night has affected her specifically, how it was treated as a horrible problem to be solved and how she internalized that. And uncontrollably turning into a big green person isn't cool the way that voluntarily turning into a cool dragon would be. Shrek-ogres are designed to look weird more than cool; some people think they look cool, but they recognize that this is far from a universal opinion.

My point is that Shrek spent act 1 explaining why people might not want to turn into an ogre and act 2 explaining why Fiona specifically hates her curse, so when Shrek says "You're beautiful" in act 3 it has an actual emotional impact. Four panels of people insulting Pudding's eye (and three of her stabbing some of those people) just doesn't have the same impact. Sure, one of those people is her beloved mother, but one panel just isn't enough time to make Pudding's strong feelings about her eye feel real. (Especially since that panel comes after Sanji calls it beautiful.)

Layer 3: Why should being called "beautiful" by some guy matter?

If you're the kind of person who gets mad when someone implies there might be sexism in One Piece, this is your cue to leave.

The idea that women are vain and care deeply about their beauty is a pretty big Sexism Point, and it's hardly unique to Pudding. (See Nami for a prominent example, and in particular that bit in chapter...471 where Nami gets distracted by how pretty the wedding dress that someone dressed her in while she was unconscious. Relevant)

Women being focused on the approval of men is another big Sexism Point, though it's thankfully one One Piece hasn't indulged in much. Still, having a woman instantly change her mind on something significant because a man calls her pretty is a bad look.

Let's go over what happened here. Pudding was all gung-ho for Big Mom's plan where Sanji and his family get murdered and Big Mom gets all their fancy toys. Big Mom is really important to her, and she recognizes thinks that Sanji is just an unpleasant idiot. Then Sanji compliments her once and she's conflicted enough to fall to her knees instead of shooting Sanji, which she was looking forward to just a few pages prior. (And most of those pages are focused on the wedding guests, not the bride and groom.)

How am I supposed to interpret this, except "Pudding cares more about some guy calling her pretty than she cares about Big Mom, when loyalty to her has been her only established motivation until this second"?

Layer 4: Charlotte Pudding

If you're one of the people who responded to my last Charlotte Pudding post with comments about how I need to keep reading (I'm 862 chapters in, of course I'm gonna keep reading) or that I'd really like where Pudding ends up, hello! I really hope this isn't what you were talking about, because this seems like more of what I was complaining about there.

When we meet Pudding, she seems like a kinda flat Nice Girl character, lying to save some strangers from Big Mom's police. It's a bit interesting that someone like that came out of the authoritarian Charlotte family, but that's about it.

Then it's revealed that she's actually not nice, she's evil, that Nice Girl personality was just an act. We're back to square 1, we need to rebuild Charlotte Pudding from scratch. This time she's equally flat, but also exactly what we'd expect from the authoritarian Charlotte family: A woman willing to do anything if Mom commands it.

And here, Pudding has a change of heart. A few nice words from Sanji have driven her to some third characterization. Maybe it'll be fleshed out, but I kinda doubt it. First, look at Pudding's history so far; he's not someone Oda has devoted much time to characterizing. He didn't even bother to explain the trauma triggering this crucial plot point until after it happened!

Second, I know chapter 1000 is deep in the Wano Country arc, and at chapter 862 the Whole Cake Island arc is far from finished. Sanji and the Vinsmokes need to have a reckoning and Luffy needs to beat up Big Mom and all this family drama needs to be wrapped up with enough time for the Straw Hats to get most of the way through another arc in less than 140 chapters. There's not a lot of time for Pudding to get her belated development.

Layer 5: Tumblr's Pudding fans

I'm not talking about the asshole who asked if I was dropped on my head as a fetus. I'm talking about the nice ones, the ones who encouraged me to keep an open mind about Pudding. The ones who raised my expectations enough that I could be disappointed. It's not logical, but I can't deny that that disappointment is part of why I'm spending so long complaining about this kinda irrelevant side character who Oda didn't think was important enough to develop properly.

That's the core of the problem, I think. Given all the pieces I have now, I can imagine a version of Charlotte Pudding who is really interesting. One whose self-loathing and devotion to Big Mom were properly established and explored. One who feels worthless and isolated. Maybe even one whose allegiance can change with a compliment without that feeling like a exist cliche.

But that's not what Oda wrote, whether because he didn't have room to write that without slowing the story too much or because he spent his writing spoons elsewhere. We got a character with two or three flat personalities that she switches between, without ever cohering as a gestalt whole.

She seems less like a person and more like a plot device. And now the big fight's starting, so that seems unlikely to change.

[focsle]

“I wish you a Merry Christmass at Home” 2nd mate of the whaleship Arnolda Benjamin Boodry wrote in the margins for his entry on this day in 1852. He consoled himself with his lot with a refrain he wrote often over the years: “But it is not for life if it is for 4 years”. On Christmas eve, he shared where his subconscious was spending its time:

“A pleasant dream about home and loved ones I wish I was there to night I think I should call on some of my friends if it was not to late But there is many a calm, squall, and gale to pass over my devoted head before that day comes.”

Holidays tended to bring out the sentimentality in many whalers who were so long and far from what they felt was home. Here are a handful:

Allen Newman, Edward, 1848

“I wish all my friends A merey Christmus which is more than I anticipate for myself.”

Mary Lawrence, Addison, 1858 

“Christmas Day reminds us of home and friends. Minnie wished to hang up her stocking as usual, and as I had a tin of candies which her grandpa put up for her, “Santa Claus” managed to fill it very well. We sat down to a Christmas dinner of two roast turkeys, sweet and Irish potatoes, boiled onions, stewed pumpkin and cranberries, pickles, and a nice indian pudding made of milk and eggs. Had a goat killed for the benefit of those living in the forecastle, to which, I should think, they did ample justice as there are but two legs remaining.”

Joseph Dias, Ocmulgee, 1847

“Comes with strong breezes from the westward and overcast weather, steering S.E. with all sail set. This day I am 25 years old 25 what and not married yet are like to be shocking. But this is not all I am disapointed in. For I have been keeping Marys cake to celebrate my birth day with and this morning I took it out for the pourpus of eating but when I come to cut it I found it was spoiled a sad disappointment. But what grieves me most is to think I let it spoil after Mary took so much panes with it Oh dear Mary I hope you will not spoil so soon for the want of some one to take care of you.”

John Winslow, Wave, 1852

“Comes with a strong gale of wind from the E.ward this day My Wife is 26 years old if she is living and has got a poor sailor for a husband but it is not the worst for her for that May she live to enjoy many more years of Life and may they prove to be far happier than those that are past”

[Dec 26th]

“O if I could make 250 dollars this voyage I would not go to sea any more for it is a dogs life and sometimes when I think of the comforts of my home with my Wife and children I almost resolve never to go to sea again let me get a home of my own and I will stay by it.”

J.T. Langdon, St Peter, 1849

“The first part calm not a breath of air ruffled the face of the stormy deep. But with an ever rolling motion rocks our old ship like a vast cradle and the surface of the deep is like a vast mirror reflecting objects on its surface The first part ends Christmas and how many melancholy reflections come around unbidden and unasked for One year ago I was at home enjoying every pleasure that heart could wish friends to cheer and schoolmates to greet with a merry Christmas but now I am far away on the stormy ocean Many thousand miles intervene between this and my once happy Home”

John Martin, Lucy Ann, 1841

“As fine a day as we have had since we left the Capes of Delaware. The Watch on deck was employed in breaking out from the hold, bread, water, vinegar & other stores. We had Turtle Sea Pie for dinner. Take it altogether we spent a merry Christmas & more to my satisfaction than many a one I spent on shore.”

Benjamin Bourne, Annawann II, 1859

“[in the margins, alongside a stamp of a whale’s flukes] This Whale aught to have been saved - stove the boat Wish All a Mary Christmas Begins with a strong wind Bark steering S at 3 pm wind shifted to the Estrd a heavey rain squall took in sail to a close reef Main Topsail & staysails luffed to the wind heading SSE. Lat part at 9am saw a large sperm whale going slow into the SW so ends this day. [With an addendum on Jan 29th, 1899] I thought I was having a hard time 40 years ago but it was the best of my life.

Silliman Ives, Sunbeam, 1868

“The wheels of time have made another revolution and Christmas “Merry Christmas” is with us once again, although I can’t complain of being particularly merry, on the contrary I am rather inclined to feel somewhat sad. O Fate! Inexorable fate! that compels me to spend this holiday miles away from home and kindred, far out upon the surging billows of the Atlantic. Little did I think while enjoying the pleasures and amenities of this festival season one year ago among relatives and friends, that to day would find me here. But it is not given us to know the future, and it is a wise providence that withholds  from us such knowledge, for had I known this was to be my destiny, any joy would have been sadly marred during that happy period. I wonder if the dear ones at home as they greet each other this morning, and exchange those endearing mementos common to this day, have a thought for their wild and reckless though still loving son, and brother, and cousin, who to day is separated from their hearths and homes by leagues and leagues of blue water. As the incense arises from off the family altar on this Christmas morning, is there a prayer breathed for the wanderer? I believe there is. Love conquers distance and in their hearts and their prayers he has his accustomed place.”

[catierambles]

Shades Ch.6

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Faith Culver (Vampire!OFC)

WC: 1054

Warnings: None

@brattymum96 , @ouroboros113 , @peaches1958 , @summersong69 , @henryownsme

After a quick stop at his apartment to shower and change clothes, he was back at Faith’s, though the Captain’s “advice” still rang heavy in his mind.

“I should probably start keeping food in the house if you’re going to be making a habit of being here.” Faith said from her computer and he made a sound from where he was lounging on her bed, scrolling through his phone.

“How do you…you know, eat?” He asked and there was a pause.

“You asking if I munch down on random people?” She asked, “No. I get pig's and cow's blood from slaughterhouses and farms.”

“And they don’t ask questions?”

“I tell them I use it for homemade black pudding at the bar.” She said and he thought back to the modest menu.

“I have seen it on the menu.” He said with a shrug, “Any good?”

“It’s my ma’s recipe.” She said, “Haven’t had it in a couple of centuries, but I remember it being quite good, especially on cold mornings. Bit minerally. She used sheep’s blood, but I couldn’t find a reliable supplier so I went with pig and cow.”

“I’ll have to try it sometime.”

“We usually had it along with eggs, toast, beans, mushrooms, and potatoes at breakfast.” She said, “Thought about opening the bar earlier to have a breakfast service, but decided against it.”

“Doesn’t have to be just the morning, you know.” He said, “Lot of people get off work late and have breakfast for dinner.”

“I’ll talk it over with the cooks once the bar opens again and see what we can do.” Faith said, “Thanks.”

“No problem. I’m guessing what you don’t use for that, you save for your own personal consumption?”

“It was initially just a cover story, but I had to buy more than I could possibly go through personally without it spoiling so I decided to make the lie a truth.” She said, “They have an overabundance of the stuff just from daily operations, so everyone takes a win. They have another source of revenue, I get a food source, and the bar gets something from my childhood.”

“I can’t remember the last time I had a good English breakfast.”

“I’ll have to make it for you sometime. I can’t eat it, but I do still like the smell of food.” Faith said, “Feel like being a test subject for the bar?”

“I’ll take one for the team.” He said and smiled when she snorted in amusement. “Does anyone at the bar know what you are?”

“Nope, just you.” She said.

“It’s been open for a while, though, hasn’t it? Almost a local institution. How do you explain it?”

“Strong genetics.” Faith said simply, “About every twenty years or so, the “previous owner” retires and leaves it to their “daughter”. I’ve only had to do it a couple of times, but no one’s asked any questions yet.”

“I know I’m asking a lot of questions, so feel free to tell me to knock it off, but why a bar?” He asked and there was a pause, something he noticed she did when he asked about her past or her…condition.

“Sean and I ran a tavern and inn in Dublin. He handled the customers, and I ran the day-to-day. Bit of a reverse from the norm back in the day, but he was better with people than I was back then and I’ve always been good at business.”

“Well based on how many people I’ve seen there on the regular, you’re more than just “good” at it.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Walter.” She said and he snorted, “Truth be told, I’ve thought about moving locations.”

“Yeah?”

“Or expanding. Maybe open a bed and breakfast somewhere. Something small, nothing fancy.”

“I think you would do quite well.” Walter said.

“Yeah?” She asked and he nodded with a sound. “I’ll put some feelers out, maybe get in touch with a real estate agent. See what’s out there as far as properties go.” There was a moment’s pause. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Walter said and they fell into a companionable silence, punctuated at times by her typing on the keyboard or using the mouse. He looked over as she moved, seeing her rotate her arm at the shoulder and stretching her neck. “You okay?”

“Pulled a muscle in my back and it’s bugging me.” She said and he thought for a moment before setting his phone to the side and sliding off the bed, going up behind her at the computer chair.

“Where?”

“You don’t have to--”

“Where?” He asked again more forcefully.

“High and to the right, by the shoulder blade.” She said and leaned forward as he pushed her shoulder lightly, letting him search for the knot with the pad of his thumb. “Yep, right there, you got it.��� He worked his knuckle into the bunched muscle, soothing it with pressure with his thumb before digging into it again, trying to unravel it. “You’re going to put me to sleep.”

“I thought you didn’t sleep.” He asked with a small smile.

“I don’t have to sleep, doesn’t mean I can’t sleep.” She said and made a small noise of surprise as he suddenly picked her up out of the chair with his hands under her arms. “Oh, Jesus. What are you doing?”

“Time for a nap.”

“Walter…”

“Don’t argue with me.” He said and steered her towards the bed. “Get comfortable.”

“You don’t have to--”

“You keep saying that, and yet here I am, now get on the bed and get comfortable.”

“Fine.” Faith said, climbing onto the bed, “Bossy. Respect your damn elders, would you?”

“Act your age and maybe I would.” Walter said and she snorted.

“You damn whipper-snappers,” She started mimicking an old lady's voice, “No respect these days.” She gave a short laugh as he climbed onto the bed behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back against his chest. “Yeah? Cuddles? Is this what we’re doing?”

“Quiet.” Walter said, “Go to sleep.”

“Yes, Sir.” She said, still giggling. “Later we need to have a conversation.”

“About?” Walter asked, closing his eyes.

“Why you keep sticking around even after you found out what I am and what I’ve done.” She said and he sighed.

“You’re right.” Walter said, “Later.”