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that-scouse-wizard · 4 years ago

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David Willows MK 2

A/N: Just an updated version of David’s profile, complete with a few changes and a more in-depth description of certain characteristics. Hope you guys enjoy and if you’d like your MC to be friends with him, message me and let’s chat about it.

Some more things to note:

-Merula is not the mole.

-I’m using the female version of Rowan as David’s best friend because to hell with game restrictions. Also, she survives, at least... David’s Rowan does.

-Drastic alteration to the Quidditch storyline. Skye is in David’s year and a Gryffindor. Orion, Murphy and Erika are two years above David and are in Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin respectively. Also including Andre and Charlie while introducing Oliver Wood and Lee Jordan.

-It goes without saying but spoilers for my ideas. Some are kept deliberately vague and some aren’t covered entirely more so because I intend to write about it someday. Let me know what you guys think of those that are given though.

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General Information

Name: David Owen Willows (Formerly David Owen Hall, changed to mother’s maiden name in 1982).

Gender: Male

Age: 11-18 (1984-91), 19-25 (1992-98)

DOB: 30/03/1973

Species: Human

Blood status: Half-blood

Sexuality: Straight

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Ethnicity: White-British

Nationality: English (maternal side of family is Irish, paternal grandmother is Scottish, paternal grandfather and father are English).

Residence: Liverpool/ Lancaster (during his Hogwarts years and depending upon who he’s staying with).

Wimborne (during his career as a pro Quidditch player)

Hogsmeade (final place of residence after becoming Charms professor)

Myers Briggs Personality Type: ENFP, The Campaigner

Character summary: Though he may come across as stand-offish at first, David Willows is a friend as loyal as he is bull-headed. A student of Erika Rath, he became known as Hound on the Quidditch pitch for his relentless pursuit of opposing players. A skill in duelling and the muggle martial art of muay thai (also a pair of knuckledusters) ensures David is a formidable opponent with or without magic.

Personality:

Aggressive: While he tries to reign in his anger, David is known to have a short temper when it comes to certain taunts. Chief amongst them, comparing him to Jacob. In his early years he was even willing to physically fight much older students despite the clear difference in both size and strength.

Aloof: For all of his first year and a good portion of his second year, David isn’t the one to initiate a friendship (except for Chiara but that was when there was no one else to really talk to while spending a night in the Hospital Wing due to the Devil’s Snare incident). However, while undergoing his first time as a quidditch player, he’s taught by Penny how to be a bit more social at pre and post-match parties.

Artistic: David was taught by his mother Rue to draw in greyscale sketches, something he improves on during his time throughout Hogwarts. In the midst of Jacob’s disappearance, his parent’s divorce and especially the stress that comes at Hogwarts, drawing provided an escape for him. His favourite things to draw are people and creatures.

Competitive: This aspect of David tends to come out the most when it comes to sport. With Erika as his mentor, he nurtures a healthy sense of competition as well as a determination to best the other houses and put Hufflepuff on top when it comes to quidditch.

Courageous: Largely as a result of his loyalty, David is willing to throw himself headlong into danger. The Sorting Hat didn’t nearly put him in Gryffindor for no reason.

Determined: When David sets his mind to a goal, he wants to accomplish it to the best of his abilities. In the case of finding Jacob however, it led to a sort of tunnel-vision, one that was finally broken when Chauncy and Philip succumb to injuries sustained under the sleepwalking curse.

Empathetic: Throughout his years at Hogwarts, David starts to empathise with people in his life. Even in the case of Merula, he sees how lonely she must really be and tries to reach out to her on numerous occasions. If he doesn’t fully understand it, he’d like you to share your feelings with him, at your own behest of course.

Loyal: In spite of a prickly exterior at first, once you win David’s loyalty, he’ll return it ten-fold. The type of friend who would take a bullet for you.

Snarky: David has a sharp tongue, preferably he tries to shut down an argument with his wits. Only going for duelling when he feels it necessary. That being said, he isn’t shy about getting petty in a verbal spar, for example his response to Merula when first being taunted about Jacob supposedly teaming up with Voldemort: “At least that’s just a rumour, can’t say the same about your parents.”

Stubborn: A self-described ‘stubborn git’, David is quite notorious for not budging from his position once he thinks he has all the facts he needs. If he’s being especially difficult, just get Merula.

Appearance

Face Claim: Dave Franco (as an adult at least).

Voice Claim: Paul McCartney.

Game appearance:

Physique: Athletic, broad shouldered and fairly bulky as a result of weight training with Erika.

Hair Colour: Dark Brown

Hair style: Chin-length (1st-2nd year), crew cut (3rd-4th year), short but long enough to slick back (5th year-present).

Eye colour: Dark brown.

Height: 5′11″ (as of 6th year)

Weight: Approx 80kg (when fully grown)

Scarring: A few small ones sustained during duels and the occasional mishap in quidditch, mostly on his upper body with a few on his legs. Sustains a burn scar on the left side of his waist during the battle with R.

Body modifications: Get’s the phrase “You’ll never walk alone.” tattooed on his right bicep at eighteen. Later gets a ram skull tattoo on his upper back just between the shoulder blades at age twenty. Finally, gets a shepherd crook just below the ram skull tattoo at age twenty-one.

Inventory: His wand, a pair of knuckledusters, a sketchbook, a pencil case containing stationary.

Fashion: He trusts Andre’s advice on what looks good on him though knows what works for him and what doesn’t. Partly influenced by his musical tastes (mainly punk, and rock and roll), has a love of leather jackets and slightly ripped jeans.

Background/ History:

Pre-Hogwarts:

-David was born in Liverpool, living in the suburb of Allerton. One of his favourite things to do was play football with Jacob and his dad.

-His mum would teach him to draw, most often on rainy days.

-Close to both of his parents as a result but it all changed when Jacob disappeared. He knew Jacob and his parents had arguments after being expelled but hadn’t heard any of it on account of the use of a muffling charm. Furthermore, Rue and Matthew were driven apart, Matthew blaming Jacob’s change in attitude and eventual disappearance on magic in its entirety.

-Sometime after Jacob disappeared and when the general shitshow stirred up by the Daily Prophet had died down, it was settled that Rue and Matthew would divorce. Given that David would go to Hogwarts as well, they thought it would be best for David to take Willows as his surname, hopefully not being recognised as Jacob Hall’s brother.

-This was fruitless, Rita Skeeter caught wind of the proceedings and sensationalised them, exposing the name change in the process. The stress and grief caused both parents to distance themselves from David in some way. Rue threw herself into work and became even more strict with David’s freedom while Matthew just left.

-David however, was fighting his own battles, it became known at his muggle school about Jacob going missing as well as his parents divorcing. This caused him to become quite reclusive from his classmates and would lash out at anyone who said a bad word towards him, especially if it concerned his family drama. He lost any friends he did have and refused to make any more.

During Hogwarts

-Year 1: He first meets Rowan, even being introduced to her younger brother, Alder (basically male Rowan).

David, Rowan, Tonks, Diego, Chiara and Penny first begin to form what becomes known as the Hufflesquad.

Also befriends Ben and Charlie.

Angelica Cole takes him under her wing despite not being in the same house and even shows David a group of trolls she’s been tending to in preparation for her apprenticeship in training security trolls.

Meets the Booths during the Christmas break and despite a rocky start, begins to develop a positive relationship with them even coming to an understanding with his dad.

During one of his expeditions with Angelica, he’s confronted by Needle, an acromantula that previously belonged to Jacob.

Finally stands up to his mum properly, resulting in him staying with the Booths for the summer in Lancaster.

-Year 2: David meets those who are involved in the Quidditch scene at Hogwarts, including Erika Rath, who he briefly develops a crush on until he’s let down gently at the end of Year 2.

He duels Merula for a second time, winning once more, which makes her cry albeit in private. This then results in having his first encounter with Barnaby Lee, who confronts David about upsetting Merula. David tries to get past but Barnaby wraps his hands around David’s throat. Not actually choking him mind, more to get his attention. David panics as it reminds him of the Devil’s Snare that wrapped around his throat and lashes out at Barnaby.

David puts Barnaby in the hospital wing, much to the anger of Liz Tuttle.

The last Quidditch match for the House Cup between Hufflepuff and Slytherin is interrupted by the spread of the cursed ice. Ultimately resulting in Gryffindor’s victory in the cup for that year.

Rue comes back, mentioning how Corey Hayden (David’s American cousin in this AU) would like to transfer to Hogwarts.

Year 3: Amelia comes to Hogwarts as a first year and gets sorted into Hufflepuff. Similarly, Alder starts at Hogwarts and is sorted into Ravenclaw.

Amelia brings Dusty, her cat, along with her. However, Dusty goes missing shortly after arriving at the castle.

Later, in a COMC class, Barnaby mentions that he found a cat matching Dusty’s description. Initially, David is very suspicious to the extent of threatening Barnaby if he harmed Dusty in any way. Barnaby refutes this and returns Dusty to him unharmed, causing David to apologise for both for the accusation and the events that happened last year. Eventually, he even befriends Barnaby.

In a similar vein, when tending to some of his creatures on the reserve, he bumps into Liz and winds up introducing her to Needle. The two get a friendship going, David admiring Liz’s passion for creatures and Liz appreciating David for not finding her weird when she rambles about animals. To the extent that they go out on a few dates.

Close to the end of the year, he rants at Merula. Effectively asking the question of why she seems to hate him. Yet despite the rant he closes off with how he understands Merula, he’s been that lonely kid lashing out at the world and it’s not fun. Despite her reluctance to admit it, Merula knows David is right.

He gets the chance to verbally unload on Rita Skeeter for the articles she wrote about his family when she comes to the school looking to interview an interesting student. Later, several of his friends plus Merula of all people step in to put Skeeter in her place when she successfully provokes him into a fit of rage to make him look bad. The situation is eventually diffused by McGonagall.

Year 4:

Corey officially transfers to Hogwarts from Ilvermorny after exchanging letters with David throughout third year.

Though David wasn’t particularly close to them, Chauncy and Philip (two of his dormmates alongside Diego) succumb to injuries sustained when they were attacked by a red cap under the Sleepwalking curse. When he learns the truth of what attacked them, David slays the creature.

David starts to realise he has a crush on Merula after assisting her in casting Expecto Patronum. Later in the year, he takes her out on a date to Hogsmeade, gets her a songbook for Christmas and even takes her out to the Celestial Ball.

Merula’s parents are freed from Azkaban by R, her mother even meeting Merula in secret throughout the year. During one of their meet-ups, she has a hunch Merula is starting to develop a crush on David (something which is true but not something she would admit it at the time).

In order to eliminate this apparent threat to her family’s blood purity, she asks Merula to bring him to her in the Forbidden Forest under the guise of allowing the two of them to join R like she has. Instead, she subdues David with Petrificus Totalus, attempting to convince Merula to leave him, that David isn’t worth it.

Merula sides with David even though it pains her initially. David stays with her over the summer, where they try to figure out... whatever the hell their relationship is at the moment.

Year 5: Throughout this year he dates Merula in secret until Valentine’s Day. It’s here that she confesses she’s ready to have their relationship out in the open.

One of the most major event for David is Rakepick’s betrayal, he had actually grown fond of her as a mentor. Being stabbed in the back wasn’t a good thing for him.

The second is Jacob leaving immediately after David finds him. It’s hurtful and David becomes a bit reclusive for a while. Finally, he’s comforted by Bill, Orion and Erika, the older sibling figures in his life.

Year 6: Jacob returns, under the watchful eye of Alastor Moody, acting as the DADA teacher for that year. Naturally, there’s tension between the brothers, which eventually resolves.

Jacob does join David for the Christmas break, where he gets along well with the Booths and reunites with his parents.

As well as this, R attempts to come after Amelia, resulting in the death of Alder Khanna. As well as being a devastating loss, it causes a rough patch in David and Rowan’s relationship when in her grief she winds up shouting “I wish I’d never met you, David Willows!” She only realises what she just said when the words leave her mouth but regardless, it causes a fracture within David’s larger circle of friends.

Eventually, the time comes for when David, Jacob and their allies take on the vaults like they had always dreamed of. Together, they face off against the guardian of the Sunken vault, an Ammit (based on the creature of Ancient Egyptian Mythology). Eventually the beast is defeated and they claim the treasure of the vaults, what seems to be the base of a necklace.

In a celebration at the Three Broomsticks, R attacks and murders Jacob. This sends David spiralling into grief, hitting his truly lowest point. He worked so hard, he rebuilt his family at home and forged a new one at Hogwarts, all the while hoping Jacob would be able to join them. And what was it all for? Nothing.

Before the school year is up... he snaps his wand and runs away from Hogwarts. Not to Liverpool, not to Lancaster, just anywhere but there. It will keep his friends and family safe or so he reasons. Deep down though, he thinks it’s cowardly.

During this time, he finds his way to Glasgow and starts sleeping rough on the streets all the while battling with grief, anger and self loathing. This goes on for two months before Moody tracks him down, apparating him to a secluded area of the Scottish countryside, kicks his arse and talks him down. Taking him to Grimmauld Place afterwards with the intention of formulating a plan to take the fight to R.

Where he finds most of his remaining friends waiting for him. At first he staunchly refuses their help, feeling he’s already put enough people in danger. Yet they refuse to leave.

This is actually the moment where the Circle of Khanna is formed, this time named for Alder. Reconciling with Rowan after a serious heart-to-heart.

Year 7: ...Let’s just say R is going to regret setting David Willows on the warpath.

R’s destruction becomes widely regarded news, however David allows Moody to take the credit for it. Frankly, by this point he’s sick of any attachment to the Cabal and just wants to play Quidditch.

He’s able to pass his NEWTS and win the Quidditch cup for Hufflepuff one last time, resulting in him being offered the position as beater on the Wimborne Wasps.

Post-Hogwarts:

David and Merula work things out, moving in together. Though it’s odd with David still keeping at his Quidditch training and Merula now working for Gringotts as a curse-breaker. After winning the British and Irish League for the Wasps in 1993, he proposes to Merula which she accepts.

In 1994, they have a wedding in the summer time with Rowan being David’s best woman. They did plan on having kids until Cedric’s murder at the hands of Voldemort. With Quidditch cancelled and Merula being affiliated to Gringotts, both are approached to work for the Order.

Though initially very hesitant, David agrees. Eliminating Death Eaters, rescuing their hostages and even fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts.

He returns to the Quidditch scene when it starts up again in 1999, helping the Wasps win the cup three more times. 1999 is also the year in which Merula and David have their first kid, Robin. After the latest victory in 2002 he discovers Merula is pregnant again, and his retirement from Quidditch is looming on the horizon. He’s convinced by Judith Harris (@judediangelo75) to teach for a few weeks over the summer at KC’s (@kc-needs-coffee) quidditch summer camp. It’s here that he develops a love for teaching. Getting in touch with professor Flitwick to work as his assistant before becoming the Charms professor.

In early 2003, he welcomes his son Nicholas into the world.

Family

Matthew Hall (father):

Face Claim: Ben Miller

A stern but fair man and CIMA-qualified accountant originally from Yorkshire, Matthew met David’s biological mother Rue when he was on a business trip to Dublin in 1956. Encountering her in a quiet pub being told “I’ve dealt with a real dragon today” when he asked if she was okay on account of how tired she looked. Matthew took it as a joke but Rue was being entirely serious. They struck up a friendship and began dating, eventually getting married in 1961 and having Jacob in 1964.

initially, he was fascinated by the existence of the wizarding world but soon came to fear it after Jacob’s disappearance. Divorcing Rue afterwards and cutting off contact from David aside from agreeing to send child maintenance. However, after being chewed out by his girlfriend Lyra, he all but begs David to come visit him in Lancaster over Christmas in 1984.

The reason being that Amelia’s magical abilities finally began to manifest, which became a cause of conflict between David and Matthew, largely from David thinking that was the only reason he was invited. Eventually, they come to an understanding and try to work on improving their relationship.

Rue Willows (mother):

Face Claim: Fiona O’Carroll

A dragonologist from Dublin in the employ of the Dragon Research and Restraint Bureau. Though she was strict, she was generally attentive towards David, being the one who taught him to draw.

After Jacob’s disappearance however, she became very withdrawn and austere. It was her way of opting for a ‘tough love’ approach, thinking she had been too soft and in her misguidance tried to control David’s life. Even then, she still grieved, frequently getting into arguments with David about his behaviour at school, bringing up Jacob when David tried to make her proud of him and other such things.

During the start of the summer break between first and second year, David finally stands up to her properly. The words that get through to her are the following, “That stranger’s name is Lyra and she’s been a better mum to me in the weeks I’ve known her than you have for me in years.” and “I love you too mum... but I don’t know if I like you anymore.”

She does a lot of soul searching after that, staying with relatives in America for a year before coming back and promising to do better with her and David’s relationship.

Lyra Booth (nee Robinson) (step-mother):

Face Claim: Ruth Wilson

A muggle and CIMA-qualified accountant originally from London, left widowed in 1980 after her first husband, Peter died in a car accident. She met Matthew when working at an accounting firm in Lancaster shortly after his divorce from Rue. After a couple months of knowing each other, the two began dating, Lyra introduced him to her children, who he hit it off well with.

She knew he had a son who he sent child maintenance to but it wasn’t revealed until Amelia accidentally made a plant pot explode in a fit of frustration that Lyra learned the truth. Consequently... she blew up at Matthew for as good as abandoning as his son. Insisting on inviting him around for Christmas.

While David was prickly when he first came around, he eventually warmed up to her and the rest of the Booths, being a positive maternal influence on him.

Jacob Hall (brother) (deceased):

Face Claim: Tom Holland

David’s only biological sibling, a gifted though trouble-making student, first became interested in the cursed vaults during his first year when he was informed about the legend by seventh year Patricia Rakepick. In his sixth year, he stood up for fellow Gryffindor Angelica Cole when she was being bullied (at the time she was a first year).

His investigation into the vaults would put him into conflict with the mysterious cult known as R. A conflict that would put his family in danger and even cost him his life.

Alex Booth (step-brother):

Face Claim: Jody Latham

The eldest of the Booth siblings, Alex is a highly protective big brother and was worried upon realising his little sister was going to be part of a world none of them had any knowledge about. He tried to make David feel welcome despite the younger boy’s hostility.

When David attempted to run away during his first stay with the Booths, Alex caught him in the act and made a deal, get past him and he wouldn’t tell anyone he’d left. Though David was tenacious, Alex stopped him every time even pointing out the flaws in David’s technique if he tried to physically fight Alex. After David finally gave up, Alex didn’t breathe a word of his run away attempt to anyone. David would take up Alex’s offer to teach him muay thai during his first visit.

Sarah Booth (step-sister):

Face Claim: Emilia Clarke

The middle child of the Booth siblings and also the least welcoming, Sarah was most vocally against Amelia being part of the wizarding world. She treated David coldly at first, going on a grouse hunting trip with her friends the day after he arrived to stay with them for Christmas.

However, at some point, she caught him reading an old copy of a Shooting Times magazine and after some persuasion by Alex, took David clay pigeon shooting. Becoming quite impressed, and even a little endeared from how quickly he picked up shooting.

Amelia Booth (step-sister):

Face Claim: Maisie Williams

A muggleborn witch and the youngest of the Booth siblings, Amelia was surprised to realise she possessed magical abilities. Though was even more shocked to learn Matthew already knew about it.

When she was five years old, she was involved in the car accident that killed her father. Resulting in her being scarred with a gash on the right side of her forehead, a similar one on her left cheek and a larger one that cuts across from shoulder to her chest. Though she repressed the memory, she did indeed see her father die, thus Thestrals are visible to her. Another thing the accident did was give her motorphobia, though can tolerate it as long as she’s A) In control of the vehicle and B) It’s not motorised.

However, she does have a love of cycling, she was taught to do so by her dad before he died. Similarly, gymnastics helped her get some of her confidence back after the accident and still keeps up with it. A love of plants and animals prompts her to excel in Herbology and Potions, then later COMC.

Allegiances

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff

Affiliations: The Circle of Khanna, The Wimborne Wasps, The Order of the Phoenix, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Professions: Beater for the Wimborne Wasps (1991-95)

Agent of the Order of the Phoenix (1995 - 98)

Resumes position as beater for the Wasps (1999-2003)

Charms Assistant Teacher (2003 - 05)

Charms Teacher (2005 - present)

Hogwarts Information

Class Proficiencies:

Astronomy: E

Charms: O

DADA: O

Herbology: E

History of Magic: A

Potions: A

Transfiguration: E

Electives:

Care of Magical Creatures: A

Muggle Studies: O

Quidditch:

Hufflepuff Beater (1985 - 91)

Hufflepuff Captain (after Orion graduates) (1989 - 91)

Extra Curricular:

Duelling Club (Becomes known as one of the best duellers in Hogwarts)

Art Club

Football Club (Founder)

Apparition Class (in 1991)

Favourite Professors:

Professor Sprout, his head of house and someone he feels he can go to if he needs advice. One of several people who warned him about being careful with Patricia Rakepick.

Professor Mcgonagall, his Transfiguration teacher and head of Jacob’s house when he was at Hogwarts. Though they disagree entirely on him tackling the vaults, he always pays attention in her lessons as while she’s often stern she can be a great teacher.

Professor Flitwick, as his Charms teacher, David always found Flitwick to be respectable. David especially respects Flitwick for teaching him Expelliarmus, even after he was honest in what he intended to do with it (i.e. use it in a duel against Merula). Also came for Flitwick’s help in developing Cometa.

Least Favourite Professors:

Professor Binns: Finds his droning entirely too boring and really only passed History of Magic thanks to Rowan.

Every other professor he’s either neutral on (Snape and Trelwany) or he likes but aren’t his favourites (Kettleburn).

Best Canon friends:

Rowan Khanna

Diego Caplan

Nymphadora Tonks

Penny Haywood

Chiara Lobosca

(David plus the above five make up the original members of the Hufflesquad)

Bill Weasley

Charlie Weasley

Erika Rath

Orion Amari

Badeea Ali

Barnaby Lee

Liz Tuttle

Love interest:

Erika Rath (crush)

Nymphadora Tonks (first kiss)

Liz Tuttle (dated briefly in third year but broke things off fairly amicably when they realised they were developing crushes on other people).

Merula Snyde (began dating in fourth year, later marries David in 1994)

Best MC friends:

Judith Harris (@judediangelo75): The closest of his MC friends, David and Judith first get acquainted by being pushed into friendship... somewhat subtly by Penny Haywood. Both of them catch on when Penny mentions they should try out for the Quidditch team. Both of them still go for it, bonding over a shared love of martial arts and proving they have the potential to be fearsome beaters.

Throughout their time at Hogwarts, David and Judith would demonstrate a fierce loyalty to each other, being as close as siblings. David even becoming godfather to her children, Bakari and Kendrick.

Cato Reese (@catohphm): David was first introduced to Cato by Penny. The two find themselves sharing very similar values, having a great love their friends and absolute ruthlessness towards their enemies.

Like anyone involved in the Quidditch scene at Hogwarts, David has a bit of a rivalry with him. Tending to trash talk him (though with no real weight behind it), Cato understands that David doesn’t mean it.

Katriona Cassiopea (KC) (@kc-needs-coffee): The two of them are sports fanatics, they could talk to each other for hours about Quidditch. While David definitely knows more about footy, he’s eager to learn about any sport, such as baseball which KC is highly knowledgeable about.

KC would be one of the first to jump at the football matches David organises during his time at Hogwarts.

Lizzie Jameson (@lifeofkaze): Like David, Lizzie is an avid fan of LFC. Even meeting up at some point with their respective partners to watch a footy match at Anfield, where Liverpool were playing.

On the quidditch pitch, Lizzie is a chaser and knows she can count on David to keep the bludgers off her back.

If any of your MCs would want to be friends with David, let me know!

Rivals:

Merula Snyde (For most of his time at Hogwarts).

During Quidditch: Erika Rath, Skye Parkin, Andre Egwu, Charlie Weasley, Angelica Cole, Oliver Wood, Cato Reese and Katriona Cassiopea.

Enemies:

R (including Patricia Rakepick, Fenrir Greyback and Peter Pettigrew).

The Snyde family (minus Merula)

Voldemort

Death Eaters

Magical Abilities

1st Wand: Blackthorn, unicorn hair core, ten and a quarter inches, slightly springy and flexible. Snaps it in half shortly just before the end of sixth year, citing, “What kind of warrior can’t even protect his own brother?”

Blackthorn, which is a very unusual wand wood, has the reputation, in my view very well-merited, of being best suited to a warrior.

Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard. Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may ‘die’ and need replacing.

2nd Wand: English Oak, Dragon Heartstring core, twelve and a half inches, unbending.

A wand for the good times and bad, this is a friend as loyal as the wizard who deserves it. Wands of English Oak demand partners of strength, courage and fidelity. Obtained from Garrick Ollivander while being accompanied by Alastor Moody.

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

Animagus form: A ram, specifically of a Dalesbred Sheep. Rams symbolise determination, initiative and leadership, factors that are put to the test more than once during his time at Hogwarts.

Misc magical abilities: Legilimens, Rue informs him of potentially inheriting her legilimens ability between third year and fourth year when he tells her of his delve into the Vault of Fear. David prefers not using it on people, rather using it to see through the eyes of animals as his great grandfather Reuben used to do.

Occlumency: Snape, at Dumbledore’s behest begins teaching David the art of Occlumency in fifth year.

Non-verbal magic: David began learning the non-verbal use of magic in fifth year thanks to professor Flitwick. Becoming highly skilled in it by his seventh year.

Spell creation: Assists in the creation of Stella Cascadia alongside Badeea Ali. Given how dangerous the vaults could be, he begins to work on another spell inspired by Stella Cascadia alongside several of his friends, Cometa, the comet jinx.

Boggart Form: Initially, Jacob as a death eater after hearing about the rumours of him taking Voldemort’s side.

From year four onwards, himself as a dark wizard as he worries about the path the vaults will set him on.

Riddikulus Form: Death eater Jacob’s mask turns into a pie that promptly splats him in the face.

Later, his dark wizard self in the uniform of Everton Football Club with a blue clown nose and wig to match. Since he’s a Liverpool Football Club supporter, seeing himself in one his rival team’s colours as a clown is hilarious to him.

Amortentia (what do they smell like?): A sea breeze and heather.

Amortentia (what do they smell?): Freshly mown grass and clear air after a rainfall.

Patronus: African wild dog, a symbol of his loyalty and relentless pursuit of his goals.

Patronus memory: -Attending the LFC vs Nottingham Forest semi final match of the Football League Cup at Anfield on the 12th February 1980 with his dad and Jacob. They drew 1-1 and LFC didn’t get through to the final but David was still happy to be there with both them.

Mirror of Erised: Jacob being back, alongside all of his friends and family. All of them are safe and well.

Specialised/ favourite spells:

Cometa, a spell that David creates in sixth year with the help of Badeea Ali, Rowan Khanna, Merula Snyde, Diego Caplan and professor Flitwick. Inspired by Stella Cascadia, and using some principles from the Ice Jinx, the spell initially creates cricket ball-sized pieces of ice that explode into a mist when they impact against something. This makes it especially useful for blinding or disorienting a target. Later they develop the more-powerful Cometa Maxima in seventh year. Its main limitations are maintaining eye contact directed at the target (as is the case for all jinxes) and its general range is quite short (about twenty five feet) due to the “comet” (really a mix of ice, dust and gases) disintegrating quite quickly.

Protego Diabolica, A spell taught to him by Felix Rosier in sixth year, nothing says “Get away from my friends!” Like a massive wall of blue flame that incinerates enemies and leaves allies unharmed.

Expelliarmus, the Disarming charm taught to David by Professor Flitwick in first year is one of his go-to spells when duelling.

Protego, learned in order to protect himself from spells and other projectiles.

Healing spells: Largely taught to him by Chiara throughout their time at Hogwarts, healing spells have come in handy more than once when he needs to preserve his own or his friend’s lives.

Expecto Patronum, though niche, a spell that can get rid of a dementor is nothing to scoff at. Plus it’s a sentimental reminder of his friendship with Tonks.

Incendio, good as a fire-starter and a duelling spell, also reminds him of a time when Merula stood up to Rita Skeeter for him by burning her camera.

Misc Information

-David is a huge supporter of Liverpool Football Club (LFC), so much so one of his casuals is a club uniform.

-As well as Needle, David has other creatures on the reserve, Lucky (Knarl), Clop (Porlock), Bonita (fairy), Mori (thestral), and Chen (Chinese fireball).

#harry potter hogwarts mystery #hphm #jacob's sibling #david willows #hphm mc

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blarrghe · 4 years ago

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would be really great if adorable domestic ficlets about sequel!Twelve Nights (a thing that DOES NOT ACTUALLY EXIST there’s NO PLAN) would stop jumping into my head while I’m trying to finish this chapter of the Merrill Sessions and you can blame Taren and Dorian and the baby if I don’t. anyway this one is called Favourites: -- Kindergarten is a time of self discovery.

Bracha is five years old now, which means she can start kindergarten, and she is very excited. Taren is excited for her, in a your-happiness-is-my-happiness kind of way, even if he’s openly shedding tears as they pull up to the school parking lot. Dorian is not so generous. He is, frankly, just upset. He’d made a very good case as to why she should continue to learn from them, at home, including: they have more advanced degrees between the two of them than the entire staff of the elementary school put together, Bracha can‘t take field trips to the library or the valley to learn about ancient Tevene history or Dalish trail-signs or bugs every day if she goes to Kindergarten, and also, Kindergarten doesn’t have cuddling.

But apparently, Kindergarten actually takes a lot of field trips to the library and to the valley and even to the next town over to the science museum, Kindergarten’s teacher is a well-loved Dalish woman with wonderful credentials and two upstanding young teaching assistants whom Taren knows personally, and apparently having advanced degrees in astrophysics and business does not better suit one to teaching reading and social-emotional skills than ones in early childhood education and developing pedagogy. Also, Bracha really wants to go to Kindergarten, all her friends are going to Kindergarten, and ever since Autie Dee bought her a backpack in preparation, she hasn’t taken it off. So Kindergarten won that argument, though Dorian made a deal with his husband that they would reevaluate the situation in a year or two, because by that time beginning her education in astrophysics would be warranted, anyway. And now they are in the school parking lot and Taren is quietly weeping and Bracha is bouncing up and down in her carseat with her bright green backpack in her lap and her hair in already-messy braided pigtails, and Dorian has to be the one to get them inside.

Taren wipes his eyes as Bracha drags them up to the door, one of her tiny hands in each of her fathers’, and Kindergarten’s teacher is wearing overalls and a bombastic smile, greeting each child with a fun name-tag sticker and slow, patient directions for navigating her classroom: cubbies for their snacks, a reading nook with pillows if they get tired, activity tables, colouring sheets and markers in one station, a table filled with water and toys, bins of costumes and a kitchen set, a colourful carpet by the board where they’ll sit for stories and songs; a five-year-old’s dream. Dorian gets the feeling that the information package is more for them than it is for her, especially considering that Bracha practically sprints off to an easel equipped with water-colour fingerpaints the moment she spots it, and the teacher continues explaining the plans for the day without her.

Taren smiles, somehow finding one at the sound of Bracha’s laugh when she spots a friend across the room, while Dorian wonders if he can inspect the reading nook. But they make it out of there, somehow, and before driving them home, Taren drives them both over to Auntie Dee’s, and she sighs at them and gives them ice cream. Taren blushes, and Dorian is distracted: when Taren was little, ice cream always helped, she says. Taren protests that he has never mended a hurt with ice cream, while digging into the container for more, and Auntie Dee says chocolate chip was his favourite.

Favourite is an interesting word. Someone at Bracha’s school introduces her to the word, the blighted teacher, probably, and then soon Kindergarten is her favourite. It stings the first time, Kindergarten is her favourite, Miss Jessa is her favourite, but then Lara is her favourite, Eirlana is her favourite, Daven is her favourite, rocks are her favourite, animal-shaped cookies are her favourite... Dorian is pretty sure that she doesn’t know what the word actually means, and he calms down. A little.

But Kindergarten teaches her many things, not just new words, but new skills. He still won’t admit it, but when she comes back with letter recognition and blends, reading sight words and rhyming word families, when she starts counting in three languages and subitizes the numbers on the dice during board game night, when she tells him a story one night and evaluates that the problem in it was solved by sharing without any prompting, he starts to think that maybe Kindergarten is actually doing her some good. Soon, she figures out that with ‘favourite‘ you can have as many as you can come up with categories, and so the obsession continues.

Bracha loves to tell anyone who will listen, and with even more enthusiasm ask in turn, about favourites. It makes for surprisingly stimulating dinner conversation. The entire family learns many things about one another. From favourite colours (Bracha’s is rainbow, Dorian’s is green because black isn’t a colour, and Taren’s is also rainbow), to favourite foods (Bracha’s is waffles, Dorian’s is something he had once in Antiva but can’t remember the name of, made better by its unattainable mystique, and Taren’s is soup, which is cheating because anything can be soup — this argument takes up all of dinner, and by the end of it his favourite is determined to actually be pumpkin pie.), to more substantial questions like “what is your favourite day” (clarified to be as in ever in the history of ever — they all pick her birthday), and “what is your favourite book” which all of them flatly refuse to answer.

Dorian learns things he never thought to learn about his husband. His favourite flowers are pink heather, his favourite fish is starfish, his favourite animal is a blackbear, his favourite shirt is the one Dorian gave him three Satinalia’s ago and his favourite number is twelve. He winks at Dorian like it hasn’t always been. Dorian also finds himself taking stock of things he never has before; considering his favourite socks — knitted by Auntie Dee, obviously, his favourite toy — a duck he had when he was little, and hasn’t thought about since, his favourite colour of apples — after determining which, he starts buying the green ones more. She asks for some truly bizare determinations too, such as his favourite sense; Kindergarten went to the science museum that day, so he takes the teachable moment to say proprioception and then teach her the hidden-hand trick, because he needs to solidify that he is still smarter than Miss Jessa.

He learns that Bracha likes green apples too, and that she knows because they did an experiment at school where they tried all the different ones and filled out a graph, that her favourite toy is the bear he got her the day they took her home (though he knew that already, its name is Chauncy and it follows her everywhere), her favourite socks were also knitted by Auntie Dee and they are her favourite because they are rainbow, and her favourite sense is definitely proprioception — she cannot wait to tell Miss Jessa about it. When he puts her to bed, he reads her her favourite story, which they’ve agreed is a designation that can rotate each week, and she points out all the sight words. (Her favourite sight word is “no” — she doesn’t declare this, of course, but considering how often the five year old uses it, Dorian can’t be fooled.) When she is sleepy and slumping, her head nodding into her pillow, she reaches up towards his face and pulls his cheek into a kiss, before he can finish the tale.

“Thanks daddy,” she mumbles, and it squishes into him like a hug every damn time, “you’re my favourite.”

“What about papa?” he smiles softly, returning the kiss with the softest scold — it’s probably not okay to let her pick favourites — and she nods, eyes closing as he pulls the covers up over her.

“Papa is my favourite too. Miss Jessa says you can have lots of favourite people, it’s not like colours.” she says, then opening her eyes with a sudden thought, she adds “and actually, you can have lots of favourite colours,” very seriously. Dorian nods in serious agreement.

“Okay,” he says, “then you and papa are my favourite too.”

In the living room, after he tells him of this new rule to the game of favourites, Taren resoundingly agrees.

#listen I teach kindergarten #and I am having a bad day #so you get kindergarten fluff #my fic #modern au #pavellan #domestic fluff #sometimes you just.......gotta #I'm having a childcare moment don't mind me

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maddie-grove · 4 years ago

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Little Book Review: Sammy Keyes and the Skeleton Man

Author: Wendelin Van Draanen.

Publication Date: 1998.

Genre: YA mystery.

Premise: In the second book of the series, seventh-grader Sammy and her friends decide to commit some mild mayhem on Halloween by ding-dong-ditching a spooky, seemingly abandoned house. When Sammy goes to ring the doorbell, though, she's almost knocked down by a man in a skeleton costume as he rushes out of the house. It turns out that he's just robbed and tied up the house's owner, a depressed recluse named Chauncy. Can Sammy help her sad adult friend, get back at her nemesis Heather Acosta for spreading wild rumors about her, and find a replacement for an expensive borrowed sweater after using it to put out a fire?

Thoughts: This is where the Sammy Keys mysteries jump from good to great. Although Santa Martina hasn't blossomed into the charmingly bizarre town of later books, Van Draanen starts to add more texture to the setting (particularly in Sammy's dealings with a couple of salty thrift store owners). More important, the central mystery is much more compelling. Some of this is owing to the heightened stakes (a robbery/attempted murder/arson, rather than a simple B&E) and a more clearly defined set of suspects, but the most significant change is the emotional weight Van Draanen puts into the mystery. Chauncy's story is a heartbreaker, and Van Draanen portrays his depression and isolation with a delicate, compassionate touch.

The school story is also a lot stronger, compared to the bare-bones Sammy vs. Heather conflict of the first book. In addition to the elaborate psychological warfare on display, I appreciate what a realistic popular mean girl Heather is in this book. Books, movies, and TV about middle and high school tend to go one of two ways with this kind of character: the seemingly effortlessly glamorous queen bee (e.g., Regina George) or the baldly nasty and conceited airhead (e.g., Shelby from A Cinderella Story). Heather actually has to work at being popular; her Halloween party is an elaborately orchestrated affair, and her slander of Sammy turns out to be the byproduct of a desperate plot to win the heart of a "cool" eighth-grade boy. None of her efforts seem that enjoyable. Furthermore, although she's genuinely mean to Sammy, she presents a friendlier face to most of the school. While infiltrating Heather's party in disguise, Sammy rather dejectedly notes that she gets why other people like Heather; if she weren't on the receiving end of Heather's nastiness, she'd think a person who could throw this kind of party was pretty fun.

Hot Goodreads Take: "[I]t was not good i like murder mystery books," one reviewer says, seemingly crying out for poor Chauncy's blood. Someone actually does get murdered in the sixth Sammy Keyes book, though, so just hang in there!

#sammy keyes and the skeleton man #wendelin van draanen #sammy keyes #little book review

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sanguinarius-archive · 5 years ago

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im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

#asks #tfb #treatsforbeasts #sanguinarius #ok 2 rb #deerlcorn

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blackroseraven · 5 years ago

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We got there early, but I didn’t think early enough at first. However, everyone was up in the office so I still got to feed most of the horses myself, which was nice.

We took the horses out. I took Buddy out to the wrong paddock. I also got dragged by freaking Chauncy the thirty year old horse who was extremely excited to be outside, and even more so when he saw he got to go on a grassy part of the pasture.

I also took Pascha and Shiloh out and for whatever bizarre reason Pascha decided to pull my entire arm into his mouth and then he chomped on me.

I don’t know he’s so weird they’re all so weird.

Also the boys got to leave their mudhole for a side pasture while the pen is cleaned and smoothed out, and the moment they started cavorting around the field all the mares lined up at their gate waiting to be let out.

But they did not get to go out today, so Soa ended up standing next to the boys’ pasture and just glaring at them.

We mucked. It went pretty quickly today, and it wasn’t hard going, which was nice. The old farmer who takes a lot of the poop for the fields came by, but we were almost done by the time he showed up, so there wasn’t too much tractor dodging.

Afterwards I got Quattro. He was. A jerk today. Like he’s so much more confident, but while I was trying to just get him to stand, every time I turned away he would try to sneak a step in. He also just. Walked away into stalls several times to look for treats.

And then like. I tell him “come on!” and start walking up to the arena and he just stands there and glowers at me. Like I walked around the corner and waited a minute and then stuck my head back around and nope. Still there. Refusing to move.

Stubborn git.

Like it’s so fascinating to see the horse who could have been - and maybe will be again - coming more and more to the surface. Instead of a shrinking daisy who’s scared of everything he just. Stubbornly, calmly walks away when he loses interest and requires a lot of firmness and interesting things to make him listen.

And I like that. I like a challenging horse who makes me earn his respect, and I like that he’s... confident. That he’s getting so much better, that maybe he can actually relax a little now and again these days instead of being afraid all the time.

I took him up for reinless work, and he was actually pretty obedient. Much, much better at slowing down on command, and I was able to get him to stand in place repeatedly and stop for me, although he’d drag his hooves on that sometimes.

Also we both stopped to stare at the tractor going by, and watch Jarro attempt to bite it as it passed, because he’s so absurdly broken and dumb.

Partner rode Zara. And actually went on a really nice trail ride all by himself, too. She’s looking really, really good these days, she’s gotten so much stronger already.

As I was wandering around afterwards, I saw Cousin Girl, who is currently one of the regulars doing a lot of work there because she’s family, lose her horse, who is Emmett. He was cavorting around and she and her mom were just. Yelling and panicking and eventually I figured I should help.

I ended up just kind of watching. Like there were like five people all trying to “catch” the horse but they were all just panicking. It was chaos and Emmett was clearly loving every moment of it. He ran past me once, then circled back around to charge into the fray again, because he was obviously having a lot of fun.

They caught him eventually, though. Or rather he stuck his head in a food bucket and decided to let himself be caught.

Like. I know it’s counterintuitive, but if you start yelling at the horse there’s two things it sets off. Either it gets excited because it thinks you’re playing with it, or it gets scared and it runs away. Both of these things are likely to make it run away more.

You’re either putting energy into the animal or taking energy out. You don’t take energy out by yelling, you put it in. Which leads to more of... whatever.

You have to calm down yourself first. Not get frustrated or afraid. Get the horse’s focus and stay calm as you approach, or walk away, because horses love to follow things moving away from them. Offering treats isn’t enough when you’re still yelling and panicking.

That’s true for pretty much everything. Everyone wants to scream and shout. It feels good to scream and shout. But it’s always better to be calm, and to pull things to you, rather than go running after them.

I mean, it is entertaining, though, and I do love watching people run after their horses.

#horse #quattro #q

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miscellaneousmoontoffee · 5 years ago

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MoonToffee A monster in Paris AU

The full timeline and some notes ( contains swearing and gets kinda lazy towards the end! ) (( another note Chauncey although mentioned sometimes doesn’t come up much in the AU cause there wasn’t much need, so sorry pig-goat lovers! ))

Characters

- Moon = Lucille - Toffee = Francoeur ( both monsters toffee's just a lot more cunning but I think in this AU he's going to be a lot more open and slightly naive because of the circumstances ) - River = Raoul / Emile ( Raoul's place in the story-ish and Emile's more cautious behavior but without his romance of Maud. ) - Mina = Victor ( the antagonist that's pretty full of themselves and could potentially/go mad, I think they fit each other pretty well ) - No one = Maud ( since river is going to be following after Raoul in terms of loving Moon/Lucille there is no need for a Maud plus no one really fits her much anyway ) - Count Mildrew = Albert ( both background characters and kinda up their respective asses ) - A solarian soldier = Pate ( Pate is the inspector/right hand man of Victor btw ) - Comet = Carlotta ( both the main female leads mum/mother figure ) - Chauncey = Charles ( Chauncey in this AU of course still belongs to moon but she tells him to keep an eye on the river, plus she lets him hang out with the professor cause they both have fun together, aka the prof needed a smart animal companion (( mad scientist aesthetic man )) and Chauncey wanted more food than moon gave him )

Loose plot

- River wakes up daydreaming about being together with moon then is like oh i forgot something ( you can choose what he forgot ) so he goes downstairs. - his dad is like "hey son can you help me run some errands?" obviously this was not a question so river hops in his dad's car and they drive off to do the thing. - his dad drops him off at the lab to deliver some eggs and says he needs to go do some other task and that hes gonna go and he will pick him up when hes done, and River is like "dad I’m just giving some dude eggs i can go with ya" - so his dad goes well actually the guy is out of the country and hes sure they dude wouldn't mind if river went in and looked around, wink wink nudge nudge. - river gets the message and his dad drives away. - He goes in and is like okay I'm glad I went to do chores today this is awesome, and then a pig starts chewing on his trousers and hes like " Chauncey?? what are you doing, does moon know you're here?!?" and Chauncey says nothing cause he's a pig but he tries to push river to the exit but river doesn’t pick up on this hint. - so river goes "Oooh do you wanna explore with me little buddy?" and Chauncey is like 'no leave' but river goes into the lab anyway. - the look around for a bit and river starts drawing stuff that looks cool ( the drawing is bad but he wants to remember what stuff looks like ) -he finds some potions and is like "ooh I wonder what they do???" so tests one out on a seed that says "instant growth potion " on a label. - it of course grows and he's like wow but walks back to see it better and knocks some potions over. - Chauncey goes to try and stop the potions but steps on a lizards tail and it gets scared and runs under where the potions are falling ( river of course doesn't notice this ) - crash, boom, smoke! - river gets up and sees the shadow of a lizard man and is like " AHHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" so it runs away so river draws it before he forgets then runs out to the front to get home, not caring that his dad said he would pick him up he's not waiting for that thing to get him! - unfortunately he drops a handkerchief which crudely had his name stitched into it and leaves back to his house. - A couple of days pass and the lizard monster starts showing up in the papers. - an investigation is started over the mysterious explosion at the lab and the new monster that appeared the very same night. - the cheif investigator tells mina loveberry 'bout this and she's like "yes, now is my chance to rise to the top!" - they look around and find River's handkerchief.

- Cut to moon, and her club is looking for a new act/singer and it's not going well. - so one of the waiters, a real smug bastard, is auditioning and it's just him singing badly about how amazing he is and telling her that she's welcome for the free performance of a god. - and she's like "yeah... no thanks I don't really think the club is really the right fit for you." - so hes like " FINE I'M TOO TALENTED FOR THIS LITTLE CLUB I'LL GO FORM MY OWN CLUB! ( *bender voice* with blackjack and hookers! ) - so she's like " yep you are way too good for us, I worry if you joined I would be out of a job. goodbye now! " - Cue Mildrew seeing toffee and freaking out trying to go back in but still being really vain ( ' PLEASE LET ME IN I'LL EVEN SIGN YOU AN AUTOGRAPH!!! ' ) - It doesn't work out so he jumps a nearby fence and books it. - Toffee is like what is that awful ringing noise is it this? and then proceeds to ring the doorbell a million times just too ' make sure it's this '. - So Moon opens the finally all like " YES Mildrew what is it- of holy fudging schnitzels " - she accidentally hits it with the door and is apologizing profusely as she goes to help the ' person ' up. - sees its the lizard person and freaks out, bolts and locks the door. - hears it singing a sad song ( more bitter about the people than the original though ) and is like oh it can talk???? also it has a godly voice???? - she gets an umbrella and tentatively opens the door and apologizes and welcomes this creature in out the rain. - he is suspicious but goes in anyway because its better than freezing to death in the rain - so she awkwardly starts conversation " Soo I'm sorry about hitting you with the door and leaving like that, I just got a bit.... panicked. but might as well start with names, mines moon " - and he just kinda sits there and she picks up that ‘oops he doesn't have one’ so she looks around and is like I have to call him something. - then she looks at a box of toffees a fan had given her and is like " Since you don't seem to have a name would you like me to call you toffee? I'm not the best with names but I need to call you something. " - so he goes ok, and she says that if he wants to stay in Paris he should probably have a disguise.

-cut back to river and someone knocks on his door. - he goes and opens it and it reveals officers who see his drawing of the monster in the lab on his wall and he is arrested. - they bring him to mina, and he starts pleading not to go to prison and that it was all an accident. - ( they also brought Chauncey who was staying with River) - he panicking blames the pig and chauncy narrows his eyes as this will be remembered for later.... - Mina tells him not to worry and that by creating a monster he has actually helped her in one of her secret projects and she gives him a badge of honor. - River leaves and then is like "now that I have this badge I have the confidence to go to one of moons shows and maybe I can try and woo her with my badge!" - so he goes to see her and due to the fact that Mildread is still pissed at moon he gives river the best seats in the house cause he is bad at revenge, so river thinks its his lucky day! - he sees the show and was hypnotized by moons song so he decides to push his luck by going to talk to her back stage. - during the time river was being arrested moon got to see a lot of what Toffee could do and who he is;

. he has a pretty wry sense of humor . he is rather naive in the way of society and social cues . he's also really smart and a quick learner . she also gives him his disguise ( his hair isn't a wig ) . he is pretty fuckin' strong . really stubborn . takes a while for him to trust her but when he does he's pretty clingy . he is vain about his hair and constantly brushes it to lay flat, it always curls at the ends anyway. . he REALLY likes suits. and is rather cuddly.

- so the performance is about to start but he doesn't want to leave her side and sit with the band so cue the scene in the movie. - they actually perform and they end up dancing together on stage, and she refuses to admit to her self that her face felt a little warm when he looked at her with such a loving look while dancing. - back to after the performance and river comes over nervously to congratulate her for the awesome performance, and goes to shake toffee's hands when he spots his tail. - he shrieks and moon puts her hand over his mouth and drags him and toffee back to her dressing room. - she tries to tell him that she knows he's the monster and he's not awful at all. - but river starts freaking out so she slaps him and tells him to get a grip man! - he calms down a little but is still like how are you so calm - so moon tells him why toffee is not dangerous and he calms down properly. - unfortunately for them Mildrew overhears and he now has a better idea for revenge against moon...

- the police arrive soon moon leaves to greet them and try to distract them, while river has to hide toffee. - so Moon goes to the door and is like " oh Mina I wasn't expecting you, what are you doing here? " - And Mina's like " sorry mud sister but this is serious business, where are you hiding it? " - and Moons like fuck she already knows its here somewhere. so she plays dumb " hiding what? I don't have anything to hide. " ( as she sweats bullets ) - and Mina already knowing that moons lying just barges through with the inspector and the 'troops' - Mina instantly tries to go to moons dressing room but moon cuts her off " okay Mina I'm sorry but if you go in there we can't be mud sisters it's a blatant breach of my privacy. " - and Mina calls her bluff and goes in anyway. - Moon is like fuck everything's over they found him... crud. - so when she goes in to make her last stand she is surprised that they are nowhere to be found, and so is Mina. ( surprised that is ) - the inspector comes in and says they haven't found anything so Mina stands silently for a while then goes and pleads to moon to be mud sisters again. - moon still a bit high on adrenaline from then panic says yes just to get her out of the room and they leave after arresting Mildrew for basically pissing Mina off. - moon sighs and says that they can come out and the cost is clear after Mina and the others leave. - she then gets spooked as toffee pops out of her piano, so she lends him a hand and then checks to make sure nothing's broken in her piano. ( storing lizard men in your pianos isn’t a good for pianos kids ) - river then falls down the chimney coughing from all the soot and toffee warily gives him a hand up. ( the start of a beautiful friendship! )

- the next day Mina opens the Montmartre Funicular ( its a escalator/elevator thing on a hill I think ) - the trio ( plus Chauncey ) planned last night that they are going to fake toffee's death on the opening day so people won't look for him and he can live a normal life. - so Mina introduces moon who is going to sing for the opening. - so halfway through singing river loudly shouts " oh my god it's the monster oooh nooo! " - so the crowd starts panicking and Mina is like ' It’s my time to shine! ' - then Toffee hops down and picks up moon bridal style and roars viciously - and moon is all like " oh noooo it's got me, whatever shall I do? " - one of the 'soldiers' tries to shoot toffee but Mina tells him not to as he could hit her blood sister. - then she remembers that river had conveniently given some ' anti monster grenade ' earlier so she throws it and smoke spreads everywhere. - when the smoke clears the monster is gone and the crowd rejoices their savior (the crowd lead by river and moon of course ) - but then Mina spots a scarf caught in the trapdoor and opens it to reveal toffee.

- moon freaks out so her and river shout at toffee to run, as they themselves make a break for it. - river had conveniently brought his dads car/van to get there ( with his dad's permission of course ) so they hopped in and booked it as toffee went the other way so there would be less people chasing him. - luckily Chauncey had already been waiting in the car so they didn't need to wait for him to get in. - so they speed down the street narrowly avoiding obstacles, one of which ended up making river loose his ' fashionable ' straw coat to a horse. - unfortunately for them a hook ends up grabbing their car and they look up and who is it other than Mina and an exhausted looking soldier peddling their FREAKING AIRSHIP LIKE MINA YOU REALLY DIDN'T NEED A WHOLE FUC- - so moon has to climb out and try and get rid of it cause river is driving. - unfortunately for her it's way to heavy and she almost ends up falling off several times, but fortunately ( finally something good for these poor characters ) toffee was making his getaway very near to them so he hopped down on the cars bonnet to help moon pull off the hook. - but because things can never be easy it doesn't work and Mina ends up lifting the car off the ground. ( also moon falls back onto toffee's chest, cue blushy blushy BS when they think back on this at a later date,a scenario which I have obviously not written ) - so they are currently panicking as moon and toffee precariously make their way back inside the van so when they inevitably fall they won’t be as injured. - so Mina drops them in to the seine to try and drown toffee, currently forgetting that her mud sister ( however traitorous she may be ) was in there. - luckily when they start sinking river's father had been planning a boating trip so he had oars in the back. - they paddle to the Eiffel tower before they drown and make it, only loosing River's dad's car along the way. which in the end maybe worse than drowning in the long run. ( for River at least )

- river mourns the car and they make their way up the tower unsure what to really do now other than try and get as far away from Mina as possible. - Mina shoots the airship and she lands on the Eiffel tower, the soldier only just making it out alive by jumping into the seine. - the trio reaches the top when toffee starts to feel weak and moon notices that a lot of his scales are falling off, and she gets worried but slings his arm over her shoulder and asks river to help her carry him to the top. - they are almost at the top when they are stopped when moon placed toffee down for a bit to rest her arms and she hears a gun click. - Mina demands they hand over the monster and toffee makes a run for it up a ladder to the very top of the tower, so Mina brushes harshly past moon to run after toffee. - unfortunately for moon she was standing too close to an edge and got pushed over but managed to grab the edge. - so river goes to try and help moon but somehow also falls over, hanging only onto a spare belt he tried to lower down. ( hey it’s always handy to have a spare belt y’know? ) - luckily they forgot Chauncey was there because he was trailing behind them the whole way up the tower, so he pulls them both up and moon rushes for the ladder after hugging River and Chauncey. - River goes up too but a bit slower and more careful, after almost falling to his death he didn’t really wanna take another chance after all. - Moon goes up there only to see toffee get shot by Mina and fall to a lower level. - before Mina can look over and make sure he's dead the police inspector comes over and arrests her after the ‘soldier’ who was peddling the airship called the other police officers to arrest Mina for leaving him for dead. - moon vaguely sees this but doesn't stick around long, she rushes back down past river (who had only just gotten up here) to find where toffee fell. - she only found his clothes and no body. - It doesn't really register that he could have escaped because of the shock so she just cries - river finds her and comforts her and she brings the clothes back to her dressing room as to not forget him.

- the next day she realizes she has to perform but she is still overcome by grief, so she picks up his scarf to at least wear if she has to perform when she feels wiggling. - she carefully unwinds the scarf and inside there is a lizard. a lizard missing its middle finger. - overwhelmed by joy she tells river and him and Chauncey go to get a potion that will turn him back to his bipedal form permanently. - so he turns back and after hugging him really hard and him apologizing ( what for though? upsetting her? IDK ask him ) she asks if he wants to go sing with her and he says yes. - they perform and at the almost end of the dance she kisses him, just a light peck but a kiss none the less. - river is semi-heart broken yet had kind of seen it coming for a while now. - and toffee goes beet red as the crowd whistles. - while her mum squeals that her baby had finally found a partner! - END

Notes + extras

- Moon cuts off toffees finger when she was cooking with him at one point but then constantly apologizes for it later, he of course forgives her but she does it anyway and he likes making little jokes and jabs at her about it. - Although when we first see River it looks like he's bad with the cold due to the amount of clothes he's wearing, he is actually really good with the cold and was constantly almost overheating but wanted to impress moon with clothing items that his friends told him were cool. of course they weren't very cool all in one outfit. - when toffee first transformed he got his hair, he doesn't know where from but he thinks there may have been some hair on the floor when he got hit by the potion. - Moon takes star's role as Mina's mud sister since star isn't here in this AU. - cause river was distracted when he was watching moon performance before he knew toffee he didn't see the way they ( moon + toffee ) looked at each other but looking back he can definitely see 'it'. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - due to the potion making toffee human it also increased his regenerative ability from being a lizard to new heights ( for example, if an ant were human sized it would have super strength ) (( no this doesn’t really come into play into the story )) - after the kiss on stage Toffee and moon share another kiss in her dressing room ( nothing like that get your mind out of the gutter! ) - Chauncey was staying with River before he got arrested because when he left the lab scared he brought him so he wouldn't get hurt but then was too shy to give him back to Moon. - Mina calls the police her ' troops ' in reference to the solarian warriors. possibly why no one wants her as mayor...

#whoops accidentally posted this on my main!#but thanks to everyone who told me they wanted to see this #I wouldn't have been motivated enough to post this if not for you #Ps yes they got togther in the end I wanted a happy ending #also sorry for any typos #or plotholes #moontoffee #moon #toffee #svtfoe #a monster in paris

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tmorriscode · 6 years ago

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Sportball

(Fem! hufflepuff! MC, The Hogwarts Mystery Crew)

Summary: MC makes Hogwarts Quidditch History. This is not exactly a good thing. Or the wacky screwball sports comedy that literally no one asked for.

The masterpost of all my interconnected imagines is here. But if you play Hogwarts Mystery, you don’t have to read them to follow this one.

—

You’re halfway out of the tunnel from the Hufflepuff common room when Philip and Chauncey haul you back by the arms.

“How do you feel about quidditch?” Chauncey asks you.

You’re instantly on high alert. Half the Hufflepuff quidditch team is in the hospital wing after an accident in greenhouse three involving defective earmuffs and baby mandrakes, leaving Hufflepuff at a disadvantage going up against Ravenclaw this weekend.

“I like to watch,” You hedge. You have a good grasp on the fundamentals thanks to being friends with André, Charlie, Barnaby and Rowan. You even like to sit in the stands with a good book during quidditch practice. But you’d really rather be a spectator.

“Ever play?” Chauncey presses.

“I don’t even own a broom.” You say with some relief. No broom equals not being forced to play. “I’ve been borrowing André’s.”

“But if we could get you a broom, would you be willing to give it a shot?” Philip asks.

“You don’t want me on the team, trust me.” You tell them.

“I’ve seen you in Hooch’s class,” Phillip argues. “You’re a natural on a broom.”

“Flying is one skill,” you argue. “Playing a high-speed sport with iron murder balls while flying is another skill. One that I’m rubbish at.”

“How do you know unless you try?” Chauncey argues.

“Where is this even coming from?” You ask. “What gave you the idea that I should play for Hufflepuff?”

The two Hufflepuffs hold an entire conversation with their eyes. Then Chauncey sighs. “We looked up the records - your brother was the best beater Ravenclaw fielded in over a century. And your dad was a fair beater too. You’re . . . “ he hesitates over his word choice.

“You’re an extremely violent dueler,” Philip says.

“That you are,” Chauncey agrees. “We wondered if you might be as aggressive as a beater?”

“Look, if we can’t field a team this weekend, we forfeit the game.” Philip says. “The birds usually play like rubbish this time of year, anyway. Too busy studying for exams. If we can just get enough people on brooms, the rest of the team can probably still pull out a victory.”

You sigh. Of course you’re going to help out. You have chronic helping out disease. “If you guys can find me a broom, I’ll give it a shot.”

—

“Hey (Y/L/N)!” Merula smirks at you before DADA class in a way that sends your heart plummeting into your toes. She lays her broom on your desk. “Your worthless team captain said that if you play this weekend, there’s a good chance you could die. Or at least fall off your broom. I asked him what I could do to make that happen, and he said you needed to borrow this.”

You stare in disbelief. “You want to loan me a broom?”

“It’s my backup broom,” Merula says. “I wouldn’t lend my best broom out to anyone. But if it means you fall from the sky in a burning ball of kindling, It would be worth loosing this old thing.”

“Gee thanks,” you say sarcastically.

“Don’t mention it.” Merula says. She shoots a furtive look at the door, where anyone could walk in and see her being nice to you. “Really. Don’t.”

You shrink the broom and tuck it into your pocket. “I won’t.”

—

“Incoming!” Rowan points out the fast-approaching iron murder ball.

Ben screams and dives for the ground behind Tonks and Penny, shielding his head with his arms.

You shift on the broom, change the grip on your bat and give the bludger a hard whack. It doesn’t go as far as you’d like, and the energy it transfers to you and your broom sends you spinning backward.

“Remember to compensate for the kinetic energy by accelerating,” Rowan says.

“It’s coming back,” Tonks points.

“Right!” You push the broom around and accelerate to meet the bludger. You whack it with such force that the bat stings your hand. The bludger flys off, but you drop the bat from your nerveless fingers.

“That would be bad news during a game,” Penny says.

“I know that!” You snap at them while you sloth grip roll over to pick up the bat. “Since you’re so full of advice, why aren’t you volunteering to play?”

Tonks laughs at the idea. “I barely manage to walk most days, and you want me to play quidditch?” As if to prove her point, she falls over while laughing. “Besides, I have detention for switching out the earmuffs in the greenhouse.”

“That was you?” You’re tempted to beat Tonks with the bat. Maybe if you pretended the bludgers were her head, you’d be better at this.

“I actually am playing,” Penny said. “They’ve got me filling in as chaser. Bludger!” She points.

You move the broom into position, and accelerate toward the erratically moving ball. This time, you’re more prepared. You whack the ball away without dropping the bat. But your fingers throb and your palm stings.

“Good!” Penny says. “Next time see if you can direct where you hit the ball.”

“Make sure it’s away from us!” Ben adds.

“Why are you even here?” Rowan glances back to him. “You’re a Gryffindor!”

“Moral support?” Ben says.

“Mate, not that we don’t appreciate it, but maybe you can morally support us from the safety of your room?” Tonks suggests.

“That might be for the best,” Ben crawls for the shelter of the stands.

“Here it comes again.” Rowan says.

You tighten your grip and accelerate.

—

Things only get harder during the match, because there are not one, but two iron murder balls. And Rowan isn’t there to point out when they’re coming your way.

You’re so busy scanning for the bludgers and whacking them at anyone in blue, that you don’t even notice the buzzing in your ear until you realize that the stadium is eerily quiet. Then you realize that all eyes are on you. And that Chauncey and André are both hovering just out of reach.

You shrug as if to say “well?”

“The snitch is right by your ear, (Y/L/N),” Chauncey hisses at you.

You peer out of the corner of your eye. It’s hovering there like a fat, happy bee.

“If you touch it, we take a penalty and they have to release a new snitch,” Chauncey says. “Just glide away sloooowly.”

You slide away, but the thing must get caught in your slipstream, because it follows. André and Chauncey follow behind it, shoving and bumping each other.

With an annoyed groan, you speed up.

So does the snitch. Then both the bludgers join in the chase. The other players keep passing the quaffle, but no one is really watching them. All eyes are on the three of you.

You’re not allowed to leave the pitch (unlike the seekers.) so all you can really do is fly laps. The faster you go, the faster the snitch goes after you. Before long, you’re leading either the most bizarre game of chase in history, or a really fast parade.

The fans get into the spirit of things, yelling “faster!” As you zoom past. Pretty soon, someone has organized the wave.

“What do I do now?” You yell to Rowan as you pass the Hufflepuff stands. With her encyclopediac knowledge of everything, she could probably help you figure out how to get rid of the snitch without inciting a penalty.

On your seventh pass, she’s run into the commentator’s box and wrestled the microphone away from Billingsley. “Nudge it away with your bat!”

You figure that there must not be a rule against this. Or at least the penalty may not be as bad as if you accidentally touched the snitch. So you perform a bootegger’s turn with your broom.

—

You’ve spent enough time helping out in the infirmary to recognize it when you wake.

Rowan, Penny, Barnaby, Bill and Charlie are sitting at your bedside.

The last thing you remember is turning so that you could shove the snitch away. If Penny is here with you, the match must be over.

“Did we win?” You croak.

“Surprisingly, yes.” Charlie said. “Chauncy caught the snitch a minute after you and André collided with each other mid-air.” He points over his shoulder with his thumb. “André’s still blacked out in the next bed.”

“Why was the snitch following me?” You ask.

“Someone charmed it to follow you.” Penny fake coughs. It sounds a lot like she says Tulip’s name in all that coughing. “Of course, no one can prove anything. Chauncey wanted me to give this to you as a souvineer.”

She holds up a large potions jar with the little gold ball inside. Even now it’s trying to get to you. You touch the side of the jar, and it moves to the glass where your hand is. You might have just earned a new pet. One you don’t even have to feed.

“On the bright side, you made quidditch history.” Charlie says. “I don’t think a beater and a seeker have ever mutually knocked one another out after a fight over a snitch before.”

“I was not fighting over the snitch! I just wanted it to leave me alone!”

“You also took out two of the Ravenclaw chasers who were trying to catch you on the way down.” Penny says.

“Before today there were only 700 types of fouls in Quiddich.” Bill says. “Now there are 701. They’re calling the new one (Y/L/N)ing.”

“Just what I wanted! To make murderbroomball history.” You cross your arms.

“Cheer up,” Barnaby says. “Merula wasn’t even mad that her broom got cracked. She was grinning when I gave it back to her. “

You roll over, pulling the pillow over your head. You swear that you will only ever enjoy quidditch as a spectator from now on. The way nature intended.

— Fin.

Note: like most of my Hogwarts Mystery imagines, this one is based off my own MC, who is an actual human disaster.

I made her awful at Quiddich because the game portrays her as absolutely fantastic at everything she does. But I think characters are more interesting when they have flaws. And no one can be great at everything they try.

#hogwarts mystery imagine #hogwarts mystery fanfic #hphm #hphm mc #jacob’s sibling #charlie weasley #bill weasley #penny haywood #ben copper #hogwarts mystery #tulip kasaru #nymphadora tonks #merula snyde #barnaby lee #hogwarts mystery headcanon #hufflepuff #quidditch #andre egwu

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sukipershipper · 7 years ago

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Cuphead Headcanons

So Like I said in my post for this pic:

I was going to do some Headcanons/Bios for them, and I want to keep my promise (These 5 are going to be the main characters in a LOT of my posts, I love them too much)

Hilda Agnes Berg (Age: 23)

Gender: Female | Sex: Bi | Race: Swedish/American/Vietnamese

Lived in the city for a majority of her life

The Zodiacs on her right arm (yes right arm) are representations of her family, Her father was Taurus, Her Mom was Gemini and She was Saggitarius *

She has been in a couple of relationships, but they’ve never lasted

She is the master of Sass, no-one can beat her, she is a Sassy Little Lady

Learned how to fly a plane at some point

The perfect example of ‘Best Thing You Never Had’

Percy Timothy Jones (Age: 30)

Gender: Trans | Sex: Homo | Race: English/French

Is the Middle brother in the Family

He’s a Wiccan, no-one can change his mind

He is currently in a relationship with someone who works at the casino, who it is? no-one knows, he doesn’t tell

He reads pretty much 82% of the time, the other percent of the time goes into farmwork with his brothers or walking his dog, Apollo**

On the topic of reading, his books of choice are Romeo and Juliet, Pride and Prejudice, Middle March, Moby Dick, too many to count.

His real name is Chauncy Chantency** but he hasn’t actually told anyone, he isn’t exactly very social, despite being quite the chatterbox.

Westley Jones (Age: 26)

Gender: Male | Sex: Pan/Bi? (He struggles) | Race: American/Chinese

Youngest brother in his family

He is a very chirpy and lovely person but has Aspergers, pantophobia, social anxiety, and is extremely naive

Rarely gets mad, and I mean EXTREMELY rare, but on the off-chance he does, he gets so mad he’s practically screaming in another language.

Keeps a lot of secrets, he doesn’t like people stressing over him because of all his conditions, yeah he’s THAT kind of brother, in some ways he reminds me of Auggie from Wonder

He struggles with his sexuality, there have been a couple of girls he liked but he is currently in love with someone whom he doesn’t even know What end of the spectrum they fall in (cause they be robotic BD)***

He will faint at the sight of animals, whether they are babies or not, at the age of 16, he was given a greyhound whom he named Roxy

Morrison Quinn Jones (Age: 34)

Gender: Male | Sex: Bi | Race: English/Irish

Oldest brother in the family

Often grumpy, and is the least social out of the three, but when it comes down to it, he is the shield for the family.

Next, to impossible for him to smile at some’s about anything, only things he will smile at are his brothers and that’s about it

Tough dude in the family, the only fault to him is that he’s claustrophobic, for some reason?****

Is often the one you’ll see the most in the fields, he works a lot

Hasn’t exactly had a fancy for relationships, after his last love, he completely fell out of that bandwagon.

Cagney Gonzalez Clavel (Age: 35)

Gender: Trans/Male | Sex: Bi | Race: American/Puerto Rican

Your local botanist, well partially, he’s actually part of the mafia in the city

Loves train rides, for one they are super relaxing and second, it gives him a chance to see his boyfriend, Spector B)

Growing up he didn’t exactly grow around his parents, they weren’t always around him, in fact, they died when he was around 5, where he was then taken under by Elder Kettle

Touch his plants and you will die, he is extremely protective of his plants and if you touch them you will die

His anger is almost unavoidable, you look at him when he’s mad you can’t help but feel mad yourself, it’s practically contagious*****

Percy is his best friend, yes they get on each other's nerves sometimes but they stick together through any situation, they are practically brothers, even if Cags gets touchy sometimes.

EDIT:

*Yes, Hilda had parents, I think she’s actually the first character I’ve headcanoned parents for, I just wanted to give more meaning to her the three zodiacs she becomes.

**I FINALLY BROUGHT THE DOGS BACK INTO IT, oof I need to do more on them, but yeah in case no-one knows, Apollo is Psy’s dog, and I think Weepy's dog is mentioned as well.

***So this was actually a ship I found out about from an ask blog for all the cuphead bosses and I instantly jumped bandwagon, and can I add I have NO IDEA, which category that bugger fits into, PLZ HELP ME!

****Yeah He’s claustrophobic now? I don’t know, I was trying to think what their deepest darkest fears were, and originally I was going to make his fire, but him having claustrophobia seemed likely.

*****Allow me to elaborate on this, Cagney is always so angry, so when he’s angry, he’ll give you a really sarcastic response to whatever you ask him, and everyone knows it’s sarcasm, so it makes them mad, hope that helped you guys a little

#Headcanons #cuphead #human au #the root pack #cagney #hilda berg #OOF #I luv these 5 so much #what am I gonna call their little group?#I'mma call them the frisky 5 #yeah?#maybe

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ikkaku-of-heart · 4 years ago

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Law, you owe me big for this, Ikkaku thought, keeping her smile fixed in place as she listened to the Don’s long-winded story about his last vacation. For the life of her, she didn’t even know how he got on the topic - all she’d said was that “Daddy” was in the import-export business in the North Blue, hoping that might nudge him towards talking about his own business endeavors.

Unfortunately, instead she was trapped listening to him talk about how he’d recently come back from a trip to Dressrosa. Which could have been a tolerable story if she weren’t on the clock and he didn’t spend at least ten minutes describing the “exquisite figures” of the women he’d come across, particularly one of the dancers he’d met at the royal palace.

Suppressing a yawn, Ikkaku half-listened to him while subtly scanning the room. Law was still holding court at the bar with the blonde, and even with what appeared to be an ice pack pressed to his cheek, she could tell he was having far more fun than she was.

Seriously, life just wasn’t fair.

“-of course, then Joker said-”

That name instantly caught Ikkaku’s attention. Joker. The underworld broker Law had been hunting since before she even joined the crew. The mysterious nemesis that he was obsessed with but whose identity was a secret. At least from the majority of the crew.

Fine then. Law could have his fun while she actually worked. Hell, it was possible that he’d already known the Don was getting his weapons from Joker and she’d just be confirming it. So why not make this whole thing worthwhile? For the sake of time and not raising suspicion she wouldn’t pry too much, but maybe she could weasel out a little more on Joker. Clearly, he’d been in Dressrosa, and in the palace, no less. Was he on “vacation” too, or did he live there? She didn’t know much about the countries of the New World, but didn’t one of the shichibukai hang out there? Was he in on it, or was this Joker character running his operation under the World Government’s nose?

“Boss, maybe you shouldn’t mention him,” one of the Don’s associates whispered, eyes shifting between him and Ikkaku. There must have been something in her expression or posture that tipped him off that she was suddenly legitimately invested in the conversation.

Putting on her best ditzy expression, she smiled up at her target. “Joker? Was he the palace’s court jester or something? Oooo, could he juggle?” Ikkaku asked, voice breathy and almost childlike in its curiosity.

The Don smirked at his underling as he finished off his third drink since he’d invited Ikkaku to his table. “Come on, Chauncy; I don’t think we have much to worry about.” He turned back to Ikkaku and gave her a condescending smile. “Joker’s no fool, my dear - he’s a brilliant man. And I suppose he can juggle, in a way - he’s got a lot of balls in the air, as it were,” he laughed, resting his doughy hand on her thigh. "Speaking of balls-"

“But you didn’t finish your story!” she whined, giving a little pout. Swallowing down her disgust, she pried his hand from her thigh and placed it on her lower back so he couldn’t feel the knife hidden beneath her dress. To hide the action, she shuffled closer, leaning her head against his shoulder while she playfully stroked his tie. “Dressrosa sounds so amazing, and the way you talked about it - I almost felt like I was there! I was planning to go for a romantic getaway,” she sighed, giving a meaningful, forlorn glance back at the bar, “but I guess that’s off the table.”

The chance to make himself look good compared to her wayward paramour instantly had the Don agreeing. “Of course, my dear. Why, if you’re like to hear more about my visit to the palace, I actually had dinner with the king himself - Donquixote Dolflamingo.”

ikkaku-of-heart:

When Ikkaku came out of the bathroom, she halted mid-step, vaguely annoyed to find a beautiful hostess fawning over her captain. Guess that limp-dick comment didn’t damage his appeal to the ladies, she thought, letting her lips purse like she’d drunk lemon juice. It was partially for show – of course a scorned woman would be pissed to find her “lover” had already moved on – but a hint of her jealousy was real. Why wouldn’t she be? Law got to flirt with a cute blonde while she was stuck pretending to be enamored with some creep whose hands were probably going to be clammy and soft and potentially all over her.

She lowkey hoped the blonde turned out to be an annoying airhead. Law shouldn’t get to enjoy himself too much while she was suffering.

Speaking of suffering, one of her target’s cronies chose that moment to approach her, a bland smile on his face. “My boss would like to extend an invitation to join him at his table. It seems like you’re having an unpleasant evening, and Don Rodolfo just can’t stand to see a beautiful woman in distress.”

Forcing a flattered and surprised gasp from her lips, she allowed him to escort her over to the Don, whose beady eyes were openly ogling her curves. When she reached the booth, a few men cleared out of the way so she could take the seat next to the big man. Ikkaku allowed him to take her hand and drop a wet kiss to her knuckles, smile plastered on her lips even as she internally gagged.

Ugh! Like I thought; soft hands. Gods, it’s like touching bread dough, she internally grumbled. Guy probably never even had to wipe his own ass.

Her smile became a bit more genuine as she briefly fantasized about Law slicing said hand off. Considering the texture, he just might do it on principle.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Ikkaku purred breathily, fluttering her eyelashes. “I’m Numachi Akari. You know, I was so worried this night was going to be a disaster, but I can already tell you’re going to make it all better.”

“But it is so red,” the woman says, a delicate hand rising to run fingers along his cheek. Law flinches a little at that, the motion mostly for show. It definitely stings but its not a pain he can’t ignore. Still, the woman gasps, her hand getting pulled away from him. She turns to the bartender, a hand gesturing as if this is the most important thing she’s going to do tonight at she demands, “Some ice please, sir.”

She’s really laying it on a little thick here. Which threatens to bring an amused smirk to Law’s lips but he suppresses it in favour of just watching the woman with what could be seen as awe. She gets the bartender to wrap the ice up in a tea towel before she returns to him, concern still on her pretty face. She is gentle as she places that pack of ice against his cheek and Law lets out a suitable hiss. His own hand rises to hold the ice against his face, intentionally moving it to so he touches her hand. The hostess pulls hers away, acting all bashful about the touch, but Law doesn’t turn to that act. His gaze is steady as he gives her a thankful smile. That takes her by surprise some and for a second he sees her act falter, a genuine blush on her cheeks.

Oh this is going to be fun.

Their conversation turns to inconsequential things. Again she comments on Ikkaku and her actions. Law plays it off as being his fault which only endears him further to her. He even makes a comment about him being distracted lately, playing further into the hostess’ wish to prey on what she’d see as an easily manipulated man. She starts to get comfortable as they just get talking, Law letting her control the conversation for a while.

Despite it appearing as if all of his focus is directed on the pretty lady in front of him the Hearts Captain does stay aware of his surroundings. He notes the moment when Ikkaku gets ushered into the Don’s booth. Law does make sure to keep an eye on that situation, hoping that she can get the information he needs quickly. Stussy is bound to make an appearance and if she recognises him this whole situation could come apart. He wants to be in and out before then.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Law says while the woman is in the middle of what she thinks is an endearing and funny story. It isn’t. “But you haven’t told me your name. I’d like to know who the angelic lady that came to my rescue is.”

“How rude of me,” the hostess gasps, her hand dropping onto his bicep. “While I’m working they call me Starlight but you can call me Sylvia.”

“It would be my pleasure … Sylvia,” Law purrs her name and he feels a wave of satisfaction as that genuine blush returns to her features. It’s enough to distract her from asking for his name.

#medicus-mortem #The Engine is the Heart of the Ship (canon)#formality #Fun with Supernovas #(while Law flirts Ikkaku digs up dirt)#(even though she still probably won't make the real connection between Joker and Doflamingo)

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starboardpodcast-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Starboard - Pilot, or How I Stopped Vying for the Crown and Became a Pirate - Transcript

Starboard Episode 1 - Full Transcript Listen to the full episode Here

Act One: Scene One

Dramatis Personae:

The Narrator

Reginald Barrington: Our hero, a nobleman of the Kingdom of Man.

Chauncy: Reginald’s AI assistant and Chauffeur.

Newscaster: Announcer of Z88.3 “The Turnip.”

Background Noise: None

Narrator:

Let me tell you a story. A tale of war and peace, friendship and deception, nobility and poverty, lasers and starships. But above all, let me tell you a story, about pirates.

Background Noise: Traffic

Narrator:

We begin our story on the third moon of Atarax, where…

Newscaster:

Crowds gather in anticipation of the crowning of Prince Frederick Barrington, fifth of that name, as he takes the seat of King of Mankind. Frederick will succeed his father, King Abernathy the Seventh, after the latter’s tragic assassination at the hands of the alien menace last-

Reginald:

Argh! Can you please turn that noise off, Chauncy!

Chauncy:

Ears still sensitive from last night’s “Celebrations”, Lord Reginald?

Reginald:

No!... yes. But that is not the reason. (Petulant muttering)... I should be king.

Chauncy:

Quite impossible, I’m afraid, M’lord. The odds of all ten people standing between you and the crown expiring before yourself are virtually zero.

Reginald:

Well, that is not how it should be. I know I’m smarter than Frederick, I know I’d be the better king, so they should just… give it to me.

Chauncy:

Just give it to you, M’lord?

Reginald:

Because I want it.

(Awkward pause)

Reginald:

Go to hell, Chauncy.

Chauncy:

Already there, M’lord.

Act One: Scene Two

Dramatis Personae

The Storyteller

Reginald Barrington: Our hero, a nobleman of the Kingdom of Man.

Party-goers: Various nobles of the empire of man.

Palace Announcer

Palace Guard

Captain Saeth: The pirate, scourge of the warp-ways.

Picell Wyr: Captain Saeth’s second in command.

Background Noise: Fine music and nobles gossiping excitedly.

Narrator:

After finishing a friendly debate with his Cybernetic Assistant, our great hero finds himself at a posh gathering of nobles…

Party-Goer #1:

It’s so posh.

Party-Goer #2:

Quite the gathering.

Narrator:

…Where he remains in a bit of a mood. It doesn’t take long for the ever dangerous combination of wine and boredom to drive him away.

Reginald:

(thoughts) For a party at the royal palace, this is… exceedingly tiresome. Am I the only one who wants to be besotted for the actual ceremo- I have to urinate.

Reginald:

You there, servant, where is the washroom?

Palace Guard:

Twenty-seventh door on the right, sir.

Reginald:

(thoughts) One, two, three. Grr, who builds a palace with thirty rooms down one hall? Nine, ten, eleven. Especially when only one of them is a restroom? Twenty-six. Alright, this has to be the one-

(Gleaming sound.)

Reginald:

That… that’s the crown. I’m in the prince’s chambers, and that’s the crown of mankind. Oh, oh my. I should not touch it. I cannot. I… I could be thrown in prison for touching it. I can not believe I am touching it. I… I wonder if it fits.

(Alarm goes off)

Reginald:

Oh, so this is what it feels like to be a jackass.

Announcer:

Alert, there has been a breach of security!

Reginald:

I should probably be going.

(Sound of stuck doorknob.)

Reginald:

Locked… Well, that’s not good.

Announcer:

Please make your way to the nearest chamber for security lockdown.

Reginald:

Aaaaaand into the closet I go. (door slides open and closed)

(Boom, Boom)

Reginald:

I stand by my decision to remain closeted.

(Sound of door opening.)

Palace Guard:

Prince Frederick, we’ve got to get you out of here. The intruder, it’s Captain Sae- (glurgh)

Picell Wyr:

Sae-glurgh? Well, that’s an odd way to pronounce your name, isn’t it, Captain?

Captain Saeth:

*grunt*

Picell Wyr:

Now, this is the prince’s quarters, he has to be in here somewhere.

Reginald:

(fearful) C-captain Saeth?

Narrator:

Shaking with what was no doubt righteous anger at the criminal’s invasion of the palace, our hero brushed against a shoebox at the top of the closet. It fell to the floor with a-

(Clunk!)

Reginald:

Oh, piss...

Picell:

Found him.

Reginald:

(Thinking) Captain Saeth…He's the scourge of the warp ways. (footsteps sound) He's the conqueror of Nivek. (footsteps sound closer) He's the destroyer of the Armian fleet. He’s (closet opens)... a total babe.

Narrator:

Facing our hero was a statuesque woman beautiful by any race’s standards, with skin of ivory and eyes as black as night within a perfect, hairless head. Her curving horns were as artistic as they were deadly, and the scars on her lips and eye only served to ground that beauty in reality. And faced with such beauty, Lord Reginald immediately fell back upon his years of training.

Reginald:

Hey, gorgeous.

Narrator:

Most of which were in high school.

Captain Saeth:

Prince Frederick?

Reginald:

Sure. Now, are you tired, my love? Because I believe you-

(Punching sound.)

Captain Saeth:

Got him. Now let’s go home.

Act Two: Scene One

Dramatis Personae

The Storyteller

Reginald Barrington: Our hero, a nobleman of the Kingdom of Man.

Nurse Arachne: The gentle and doting ship’s nurse.

Captain Saeth: The pirate, scourge of the warp-ways.

Darga: A genetically engineered reptilian super-soldier.

Picell Wyr: Captain Saeth’s second in command.

Background Noise: None

Narrator:

Our hero awoke in an unfamiliar place, not an uncommon occurrence for him. But what was uncommon was the fact that this one appeared to be a hospital bed. And, perhaps most uncommon of all, looming over him as he awoke were the legs of an enormous-

Reginald:

Ah! Spider! Ah, ah. (terrified babbling)

Nurse Arachne:

Calm yourself, sug’. You act like you’ve never seen an arachnotaur before.

Reginald:

Spiderspiderspiderspider! (slapping noise) I’m sorry, m’lady, that was most unbecoming of me.

Arachne:

Don’t worry, sug’, I’ve seen worse.

Reginald:

Indeed. I don’t suppose you’d mind telling me where I am, madame?

Picell:

(Over the intercom) Everyone strap-in. We’re taking off in three, two,-

(Spaceship taking off)

Arachne:

Reckon that answers your question just fine, sug’.

Reginald:

It most certainly does not. Which spaceship is this? Where are we going? Why am I tied to this b… oh.

Arachne:

Mmm-hmm.

Reginald:

I’ve been kidnapped.

Arachne:

‘Fraid so.

Reginald:

By giant spiders.

Arachne:

Just the one giant spider, sug’.

Reginald:

Right.

(beat)

Arachne:

You know, I ain’t never met royalty before. Must be nice, living in a palace.

Reginald:

Oh, I’m not a… (thinking) Wait… these people think I’m the prince. (speaking) I’m not uh… cut out to be King… is what I think… at times.

Arachne:

Oh, hon’, judging by how nice you look in that crown, I’m sure you’ll be a fine king. Just as soon as the captain ransoms you back to your family. The name’s Arachne by the way, and I’m the nurse ‘round these parts.

Reginald:

Frederick, apparently. (Thinking) Hm, soft hands. You know, she’s actually not terrible to look at in spite of the whole lower body consisting of eight giant legs and- WHAT AM I THINKING!?

Arachne:

Something wrong, hon’? Let me check you for fever-

(Door opens)

Arachne:

Darga.

Darga:

Nurse.

(beat)

Darga:

*ahem* Cap’n wants the soft-skin on the comm.’s deck. Come on, princeling.

Reginald:

Uh…

Darga:

NOW.

Reginald:

…Fine.

(Door closes)

Reginald:

(thinking) What was it my professor said in Hostage 101?

Professor:

Reginald, always remember to form a personal relationship with your captors. If they get to know you, it will be more difficult for them to murder you if the need arises.

(Reginald makes a small whimpering sound.)

Reginald:

So, you and the nurse…

Darga:

If you finish that sentence I’ll throw you in the broken escape boat.

Reginald:

(thinking) …Right then, change of tactics.

Reginald:

So, uh… you called me soft-skin earlier. Is that what your race calls humans? Because it seems that, with scales as hard as yours, many races must seem soft in comparison.

Darga:

It’s a racial slur.

Reginald:

Haha, well, trust me I’m quite offended-

Darga:

Good.

Reginald:

(thinking) This man is kind of a jerk.

Darga:

Through here. Sit.

Narrator:

As the reptilian soldier pushed our hero into his chair, the door at the end of the bridge slid open to reveal...

(door opens)

Darga: (thump)

Captain, First-Mate.

Captain Saeth:

At ease, Darga.

Reginald:

(Thinking) I see her again, and my heart skips a beat. Because she’s attractive or because I’m terrified? …Yes.

Saeth:

Prince Frederick?

Reginald:

What? Oh yes, that’s me.

Saeth:

Yes, I’m aware of that. What is the private comm-line for the Royal Palace?

Reginald:

Ah, well…

Act Two: Scene Two

Dramatis Personae

The Storyteller

Reginald Barrington: Our hero, a nobleman of the Kingdom of Man.

Prince Frederick Barrington: Crown Prince of the Kingdom of Man.

Queen Victoria Barrington: Queen Regent of the Kingdom of Mankind, Frederick’ mother.

Captain Saeth: The pirate, scourge of the warp-ways.

Picell Wyr: Captain Saeth’s second in command.

Background Noise: The palace, bustling after the events of the attack.

(Phone ringing)

Queen Victoria:

Guard Captain Nalesean, is that you? Have you found the ones who stole the crown?

Picell:

Well, yes and no, but not in that order I’m afraid.

Queen:

Who are you?

Saeth:

I am Captain Saeth. Queen Regent Victoria, we have your son,

Queen:

Which son?

Saeth:

Uh… Prince Frederick.

Queen:

(smug) Oh really? And what do you think of that, Prince Frederick?

Prince:

Well, if they’ve taken me hostage they’re being rather polite about it, letting me stay in the palace and all.

Saeth:

I… hold on.

Background noise: Nothing

Picell:

Prince Frederick?

Reginald:

Yes.

Picell:

Prince Frederick?

Reginald:

...no.

Picell:

*sigh* I’m not mad, but I am very disappointed.

Saeth:

Well, that’s fine, First Mate Picell, because I’m plenty mad for both of us! (sound of a struggle)

Reginald (distant):

Hey, what are you—hey, put me down! I—OOF!

(thump)

Saeth:

If you’re Prince Frederick, then who in blazes is this?!

Prince:

Oh my…

Reginald:

Uh… hello, Freddie.

Prince:

You will address me as Prince Frederick of the Kingdom of Man! Or has your absence from the court stripped you of your manners?!

Reginald:

Yes well, I’ve been a bit indisposed.

Prince:

I can see that.

Reginald:

Quite. Speaking of which, I don’t suppose you’d mind paying the ransom and freeing me from this little debacle.

Prince:

No.

Reginald:

No?

Prince:

I just don’t see how that would benefit me. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve a coronation to reschedule.

Reginald:

Aheh...funny you should mention that...I imagine it might be rather difficult to have a coronation without the corona, wouldn’t you agree?

Prince:

...Is that my crown?

Reginald:

Well, technically it’s still your father’s crown…

Prince:

Where did you get that.

Reginald:

That’s not important. What IS important is that this little headpiece is regalia from the Kingdom of Man. You know, the regalia a king needs to have at all times to maintain authority with his subjects?

Prince:

I suppose you may have a point. Perhaps your liberation can be arranged after all… Have your Captain send me the ship’s coordinates.

Reginald:

It’s so nice when we can resolve things peacefully.

Prince:

*grumble*

(The Prince irritably pushes a button, and the commlink shuts down.)

(click)

Picell:

Well that was…

Saeth:

Humans.

Picell:

Yes.

Reginald:

Hey…

Act Three: Scene One

Dramatis Personae

The Storyteller

Reginald Barrington: Our hero, a nobleman of the Kingdom of Man.

Captain Saeth: The pirate, scourge of the warp-ways.

Darga: A genetically engineered reptilian super-soldier.

Renchi: A sensitive cat who loves machines like precious toys.

Picell Wyr: Captain Saeth’s second in command.

Prince Frederick Barrington: Crown Prince of the Kingdom of Man.

Background Noise: None

Narrator:

On the deck of the good ship Taranau, Captain Saeth’s crew prepares for the exchange of their sixth wheel.

Saeth:

Alright, the prince’s flagship should be here any minute to deliver our payment. Darga.

Darga:

Yes, Ma’am.

Saeth:

Keep our… person…on the bridge so he can meet with the real prince.

Darga:

Aye.

Renchi:

Human ship approaching, captain. Oh, that’s a big one. And nice shields too. Captain, how come we can’t have a big one?

Saeth:

Uh… maybe someday, Renchi.

Renchi:

It’d be so cool to fly. It’d be all like *woosh* *pew* *pew* *pew*...

Saeth:

R-Renchi… ?

Picell:

(amused) Engineer Renchi. Please send them a hail.

Renchi:

Aye aye, Pilot.

(typing noise)

Narrator:

The commlink booted up to reveal our hero’s royal cousin, the Illustrious Prince Frederick, whose mood appeared quite improved from their last meeting.

Prince:

Ah yes, Captain Saeth, cousin. So good to see you again.

Saeth:

Prince Frederick. Let us begin negotiations.

Prince:

No need. My flagship is on its way to reduce your ship to wreckage as we speak.

Saeth:

...Say again?

Prince:

You see, the coronation is scheduled to begin in a few hours, and we’re kind of on a tight schedule here. All those messy negotiations will be a waste of everyone’s time.

Reginald:

What coronation?! You’ll blow the crown to smithereens!

Prince:

(The prince laughs heartily.) Oh Reggie, you simple-minded buffoon. You honestly think that just because you know about the laws of legitimacy, you know everything about the regalia? You see, it doesn’t matter what happens to you OR the ship – the crown will be mine regardless.

Reginald:

What do you mean?!

Prince:

You see, the crown is QUITE indestructible. It is a symbol of the Kingdom of Man, and must be as undying as the kingdom itself. The crown was forged with that very notion in mind. A supernova wouldn’t be able to so much as scratch it. You, on the other hand…

Reginald:

Frederick, you can’t do this! I’m the Duke of Handelaar! The whole Kingdom depends on the trade from our spaceport! I maintain a vital part of the Kingdom’s economy!

Prince:

Of course. Handelaar is vital and irreplaceable… but Dukes aren’t.

Reginald:

…What? Freddy, come on! I’ve managed Handelaar for seven years now! Who could possibly be qualified to rule the planet in my absence?!

Prince:

Yes, about that… you see, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since our last conversation, and I suddenly realized that this is actually an excellent opportunity to solidify my rule.

Reginald:

What do you mean?!

Prince:

You’ve a brother, no?

Reginald:

Well, yes, but… Percival is a spineless idiot!

Prince:

Oh, you don’t need to talk him up—I’m already sold on the idea. You see, I don’t need a freethinking savant like yourself to maintain Handelaar. I’m far more interested in a malleable plaything.

Reginald:

But…

Prince:

And imagine how popular he’ll be when the people hear how his older brother sacrificed himself to save the crown-prince. A testament to our grand and noble bloodline, and the enduring resilience of the Kingdom of Man. Rather heroic, don’t you think?

Reginald:

But… but…

Prince:

It’s been a pleasure, dear cousin. I’ll make sure your funeral is a celebrated occasion.

(Click)

Renchi:

Captain! Massive energy signature incoming!

Saeth:

(panicked) Picell, take evasive ac-

(BOOM!)

(alarms start going off)

Renchi:

Nononono.

Saeth:

Engineer, status report.

Renchi:

Nononono!

Saeth:

Renchi!

Renchi:

S-sorry. Th-they just took out our cannons. One… one hit and they took our main cannons.

Saeth:

There was no getting through that giant’s shields anyway. Picell, keep us moving and get our cloak online! We need to get out of the system fast, or we’re scrap!

Picell:

Renchi, what the hell is wrong with our cloaking system?!

Renchi:

Sorry, Mr. Wyr! That ship’s using an EMP! Nothing’s responding!

Saeth:

Darga, get the prisoner out of the way!

Darga:

Aye Cap’n.

Narrator:

Carried atop the powerful shoulders of his reptilian steed, our hero charged for the lower decks with a mighty warcry...

Reginald:

But I -- AIEEEEE

Narrator:

Even as massive explosions shook mighty Darga in mid-stride.

Darga:

Damn soft-skins...!

Reginald:

I’m right here.

Darga:

And if I heard right, your clutchmate is out there.

Reginald:

I don’t know what that word means!

Darga:

*growl* I need to help Renchi fix the cannons. Stay here and don’t touch anything.

Reginald:

On my honor.

(Sound of footsteps leaving)

(Beat)

Reginald:

Where the hell was that escape boat?!

(hurried footsteps)

Reginald:

OK! Now let’s see, how do you open this thing?

(BOOM!)

(Another explosion rocks the Taranau.)

(Smack!)

(An alarm blares below decks, and red lights begin flashing.)

Reginald:

Ugh, what did I just hit my head on? “External Launch?” Wait what-

(sound of escape shuttle launching.)

Narrator:

Our hero watched in sullen silence-

Reginald:

Oh that isn’t good at all!

Narrator:

IN SULLEN SILENCE, as his last hope for escape from the pirate ship sailed away, blazing like a shooting-star, directly into the Royal Flagship’s engine.

(Boom! Crash! Boom!)

Reginald:

Uh… (whistles)

Darga:

What the hell did you do?

Reginald:

AHHHHH! Oh, it’s just… a giant lizard who hates humans.

Darga:

Come on.

Narrator:

Back on deck, the crew tried to puzzle out how they were all still alive.

Renchi:

Captain, the cloak is back up, and… the Flagship has stopped moving?

Picell:

Why would they stop when they have the advantage?

Saeth:

Never mind that! Picell, make a beeline for the nearest warp gate!

Picell:

At once, Captain.

Narrator:

The ship banked hard to the left, giving itself some much-needed distance from the Prince’s Flagship, even as our hero reappeared on the bridge.

Darga:

Strap in, “prince.”

Picell:

Approaching warp gate. Prepare for launch in five… four… three… two… one…

(Sound of warp gate engaging and launching the ship)

Saeth:

Renchi, status report please.

Renchi:

They really dinged us good, ma’am. These cannons need to be replaced before we get in trouble. The outer hull needs patching too.

Saeth:

*sigh* Could be worse, I guess. Darga, what happened down there?

Darga:

New-meat here launched the busted escape shuttle…

Reginald:

I, uh...well, you see...

Darga:

Right through the Flagship’s shields and into the engine. Pretty good move, I have to admit.

Reginald:

...What?

Renchi:

You… you broke my escape shuttle?

Reginald:

Well… I heard Darga say it was damaged, and...well, I figured a non-functional pod was worthless, compared to all our lives…

Renchi:

Worthless…?

(Renchi begins sniffling, which gives way to full-on bawling.)

Saeth:

Arachne, find the girl a lollipop.

Saeth:

Well, however you did it, you’ve saved all our lives today. And I doubt you’ll be welcome back on any human worlds after a stunt like that.

Reginald:

Indubitably.

Saeth:

Well, you’re welcome to stay with us, for now- sorry. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.

Narrator:

Our hero was quick to compose himself, and with a flourish, he gave his most formal bow.

Reginald:

Reginald. Sir Reginald Barrington, Duke of Handelaar.

Narrator:

Only to find that the beautiful pirate captain had held her hand out, expecting nothing more than a simple hand-shake.

Saeth:

Wow. That’s a mouthful. How about “Rig”?

Reginald:

Well, no, um…

Saeth:

Nice to meet you, Rig. And welcome aboard. Just so long as you don’t launch any more pieces of the ship at anyone.

Reginald:

*grumble*

Saeth:

Seriously, you made Renchi cry.

Renchi:

My shuttle. *sob*

*beat*

Reginald:

At what point does a long handshake become an awkward one.

Saeth:

Um… this one.

Reginald:

Sorry.

Picell:

So, Mr. “Duke”...other than pleading for your life and occasional happy accidents, what are your redeeming qualities?

Reginald:

I beg your pardon?!

Saeth:

He’s asking for a list of your skills, Rig.

Reginald:

I can make a mean pot-roast if that’s what you mean.

Saeth:

Excellent! Darga, show our new chef to the kitchens. And then never set foot in there again.

Darga:

Aye.

Saeth:

Darga… never again.

Darga:

*grumble*

Saeth:

Welcome aboard.

Narrator:

And so it came that the Duke of Halendaar joined the crew of the proud ship Taranau, as they set a course, for their next adventure!

End Episode One

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