#i think people don't understand how it is amazing depression didn't end me in those years

[maverickcalf]

"If you check out of politics you never really cared-" okay i felt the world was ending and wanted to off myself like once to ten times a week because of the news in '17-'20 and had dreams once a week/month about about gun violence but yeah okay okay

[creedslove]

OMG BESTIE YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

i had this dream where me, Joel and Ellie were in Jackson and him and I were together after years of surviving and then (I still don't know how) I switched to the no-outbreak time where Sarah is alive and Joel is in his 40's. We didn't knew each other and I accidently bumped into him while walking with my daughter Ellie (at that point I'm in tears) and we look at each other and I have this deja vu and he seems to have it too! We don't say anything, just smile at each other and then I wake up. (I hope it makes sense 😭)

I wish Joel was real. (especially with his silver hair and southern accent that makes my knees buckle)

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: omg bestie you got me screaming and crying and throwing up honestly! This dream is amazing and it sort of reminds me of X-Men Days of Future Past in which Wolverine needs to go back in time to save the mutants and prevent the extinction of mutants and humans! I like this idea so I turned into a headcanon adapting to the no mutation tlou reality hehehehe

• Joel thought the dreams he was having were beyond explanation at how weird they really were; every single night he would wake up in cold sweat, panting and wondering what the hell was going on with him

• his dream was always the same: he would dream about a world that had ended and for some reason he had survived, where monstrous creatures that seemed a mix of humans and some kind of fungus had wiped most of civilization and the world as he knew; in the dream Joel was a low life, a depressed, lonely and hard guy who had lost the will of living right after his daughter got killed and that was enough for Joel to snap wake and immediately tiptoe to her bedroom, just to watch her sleep and make sure she was alright and her bedroom was still pink and full of butterflies and not some ruin of what things used to be

• it puzzled Joel, because he had no idea where that was coming from; he wasn't one to watch zombie or horror stuff, reading books was definitely not his cup of tea and he seriously couldn't understand why kids like Sarah obsessed over watching TikToks, so he thought he didn't actually have the creativity for that

• maybe he'd eaten one of Tommy's suspicious brownies by accident?! It could be a possibility, but his brother was extra careful with these since Sarah was around

• still, it didn't matter the reason why Joel had those disturbing dreams, but the frequency they were happening, and not only that: he very often saw people he knew from his everyday life in the dream as well

• such as his former girlfriend Tess, his brother Tommy and his girl Maria, he recalls seeing those two kids who lived down the street from him... Henry and Sam, he recognized them from Sarah's school, the older brother making ends meet and always having to attend parent - teacher conferences and the little one being the gifted student his daughter told him about

• even that nut job from the other block, Kathleen showed up every once in a while, Bill and Frank, and several other friends and acquaintances Joel had met through his life and the city

• but from all the crazy shit his, what baffled him the most was that you and your daughter Ellie featured in his dream as well; he knew Ellie was a firecracker from all the school meetings he'd attended, which honestly amused him. He thought she was pretty strong and smart and it always made him chuckle when she put a boy back into his place

• but it was so confusing to him that he almost had a fatherly bond with her, at the same time he had a relationship with you. Joel had always found you attractive and he very often kept in the back of his mind his desire of asking you out, but he never went through it, and yet, in his apocalyptic dreams you were going strong, it was just odd

• Joel kept thinking of those dreams for a few days, he even considered seeing a shrink after Sarah told him he should do it, but being a stubborn Miller the way he was, he just shrugged it off and eventually, his sleep went back to normal and he got too caught up with work to pay attention to things like that

• it was only one weekend where he was taking a walk around the neighborhood with Sarah, he ended up running into you, smiling and waving gently, he felt his heart skip a beat, thinking of your apocalyptic romance and thinking of how crazy it would be to miss something he never really had

• when you saw your neighbor Joel waving and smiling from across the street, you immediately reciprocate, he was handsome and you would be lying if you said you didn't have the slightest crush on him, but he would think you were crazy if he ever found out you had the craziest dream about him, in which you both had to survive in an apocalyptic world while being a couple 🥴

____

[pretentious-art-love]

Show Reviews #17 - One Piece's Post War

You are kidding me, I was praising the show for emotional honesty the previous arc, and in this arc, they back down from the honesty all the way! It is not self conciousness, no, I smell something else, and I need to decipher it all, I need to decipher this puzzle!

Spoilers ahead so beware!

So first of all, yes I do think the addition of Sabo is very jarring, like, I never ever heard about him before, and the so called foreshadowing events people mentioned to me about him are very little and definitely not enough.

But in any case, I don't hate Sabo, the flashback to Romance Dawn times is great, and it feels like going back to basics, it is a charming and fun tale, and the message about classes and Sabo's wish for freedom is good, I like him as a character. I don't like the time he was presented on but that is easily forgivable because if there is One Piece shines on is its discipline through the years, for 25 years it has been continued to publish content, and if there was a time where the story felt adding a new character was necessary even if it felt shoehorned in, I accept it, because One Piece's biggest strength is its discipline, not necessarily its smartness.

The thing that I didn't like the most though, was the stuff after the flashback, the present day stuff.

So Luffy cries a lot and then he is confronted by Jinbe (amazing father figure lol) and then he decides to train with Rayleigh in the island of the 48 seasons for 2 years, he also sends the message through newspapers to his crewmates, and they all decide to get stronger in their own places.

I... I don't know, I feel the math doesn't math here. So... I don't know, to me, this would probably have played more like it did in Gurren Lagan, for those who watched it, maybe you know what I'm talking about. I knew there would be a time skip and I thought, okay, maybe Luffy will end on a mental crash out that he will take 2 years to get out of, with the death of his brother, that would make sense, and the other crewmates, it would make sense if they spend 2 years looking for him, since they are all lost.

But the show takes another route and makes Luffy recover of the shock in one episode, and after thinking in his friends, he regains his spirit. I don't know, can someone like that recover just as fast? If it was me, I would think on my crewmates, but then I would get scared about getting them killed, just like it happened with Ace, I would retreat away, but Luffy takes one episode, and decides to train. Also, if you captain told you you would meet not in 3 days but in 2 years, would you not feel abandoned? What if you had no money and your employeer said, let's talk again in 2 years! That wouldn't feel nice, right? But the crew understand him and decide to train on their own. I guess it is likely Rayleigh told him about where they are if Kuma told him, but they don't know he knows, so it is a bit odd they accepted his will without complaints.

We have seen the straw hats fight with each other, like with Usopp back in Water 7, at first I felt that, since the show allowed for emotional realism there, maybe it would allow realism here, but maybe having your protagonist, your symbol of resilience, depressed for two years, is not the best thing for the brand of the show. It will get people bummed out for sure, and One Piece is a bit of a big brand for that to happen. If kids watch it, how would they think about Luffy going into sadness for 2 years? Would they think it was okay if they do it too? What would that imply?

I think about how I would have done it myself, but there isn't really a way? It's either emotional realism or turning your characters into more symbols than characters, maybe I could have added some humor to the depression? So it stings less? Could work, but sometimes I read my work and I say, "this humor I added just feels like bitter snark, it doesn't lighten up things at all" so it is actually rather tricky.

In any case, I am indeed mixed with this arc, the execution of many things leaves me confused, but as I said before, I don't see it as a failure of the show's writing, but how a limitation of the medium it works on and the way it tries to deal with those limitations, the effort will always be commendable. How would you see it? I sometimes I ask myself, okay the story is showing me something, but what it is happening in reality is another. Can I say the same thing here?

In any case, I decided to take up the challenge. I don't need to wait 2 years to continue with the anime, but I don't want to continue past Time Skip until I get stronger somehow. I need to find a way to grow as a human being, otherwise, how can I say I kept up with the rest of the crew?

Back in June 17 of 2023, I was walking a path on the mountain of the city, and I was tired and without breath, and I felt I could not keep going, because the trail takes 1 hour and a half to walk and you go from 2500m to 3400m over sea level. But I thought on Luffy climbing back in Drum Island, and I was able to make to make it the top (I managed to get to the first stand that offered food, so I got something sweet and that gave me the energy to continue, don't climb a mountain without some sugar lol). Ever since, I have been walking up that trail every weekend (aside when I go visit my parents that live 9 hours away or when I get very ill ofc), and every time I am at the top I see the 12 million people city and I see the clouds and my entire life, every weekend, I go and climb the mountain, for an hour and a half over its 1174 steps.

I thought... maybe I should stop being unemployed and get a job, but that feels like survival, not growth, maybe learning to drive and get my license, that would be a very good goal that would change the perception I have of myself and give me a brand new power, it feels good, but since I am unemployed, I can't waste my money, maybe learning Japanese? It might take a bit long if I want to continue One Piece before it is over, but I think this would fit. I still need to think about I want to do, but I don't want to fail my captain.

I also want to finish the anime I haven't continued because I have been watching One Piece too ofc.

I also have to admit I was dying to see Sanji genderbent... like come on! You know the trope right? The incel turns into a girl and then learns being a girl is not exactly what they think? It is even a Jhonny Bravo episode! Come on! Sanji, Ivankov, the scenes write themselves!!!

7/10

[angelxd-3303]

Tw: kind of a vent, mention of depression and anxiety.

I'm sure you've all noticed by now that I haven't been posting a whole lot as of late. To be honest, I've kind of been avoiding this blog, not because of anything my followers did, but mainly because I kind of lost the meaning of my art.

I started using Tumblr exclusively to use the messaging feature to chat with my partner four years ago, but decided to share some of my art, just for fun. I wanted to make people happy, wanted to use my art and writing to not only convey how I felt and what I was experiencing, but to help those going through something similar feel heard and seen. I feel like I have achieved that, in some cases, and it makes me feel good to know that I've made someone's day, or that my writing made them feel understood.

As time progressed though, I began to feel like I had an obligation. Art and writing began to feel more like a chore, and that combined with my resurfacing depression and anxiety made it nearly impossible to even pick up the pencil. It seemed more draining than anything, and the art I did make I didn't share because it reflected my mental state in a deep and personal way.

Tldr, I'm sorry to all the people who have been waiting for updates to my stories, or more Mario content in general, or answers to their asks. It's not that I don't want to finish them, or make more content. It's just that I've realized that my lack of motivation is coming from the fact that I'm making art that I think others want, and not art that I want.

I've been rediscovering Undertale lately, reminded of how amazing the game is and how deep the storyline is, and I want to make more content for that. I'm big into weirdcore and would like to explore it as a style. I want to revisit Dhmis and expand on their story. There's so much I wanna do, but I've been holding myself back and trying to make myself as enthusiastic about Mario as I was before. The truth is, hyperfixations come and go for me, and that's ok. Mario will probably come back here and there, but I'm gonna try to focus on the stuff that I wanna do, because that's when my art is best, and when I feel the best making it. I can't tell you how satisfying it was to draw that piece with Asriel and his parents! I was into Undertale when it first blew up, my friend and I, but left when the fandom began to get toxic. It's so sad to me how disturbed it was, but now I'm much wiser with regards to internet safety, and I know to avoid certain things.

It's very nostalgic for me to rediscover the game, the music I listened to on loop years ago, the amazing artists who had a pure and genuine love for the characters, all of it.

In short, Mario isn't gone, they're just off enjoying their happy ending for awhile before they feel like visiting again. Again, I hope you all understand, and can find content you love from my blog! From now on though, I'm gonna try to avoid forcing myself to make content I don't love. Because from the beginning my art has been an escape that made me happy. If it doesn't make me happy, what's the point lol?

I love and appreciate you all so much,and I hope you can understand this word vomit. Hope you all have a lovely day.

[sassydefendorflower]

20 Questions For Fanfic Writers

Tagged by the amazing, the wonderful, the fantastic @60sec400 <3<3<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I just posted my 200th fic a few days ago :D

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,414,702

3. What are your top five fics by kudos?

No Choice At All (2,817), A Day To Remember (2,610), If Only Someone Loved You (2,072), And I'll Dream You Something For Every Night You Are Gone (1,861), With Your Eyes Wide Open (1,749)

4. What fandoms do you write for?

I am known for jumping fandoms quite a lot, but my homebase has been DC for years now. Sometimes I even still write fics for the fandom :D These days I am firmly established in the FMA(b) fandom and I am currently making a name for myself in JetLag:The Game <3

(but I have written for everything from Teen Wolf to Angels for America (the play) to Spring Awakening to Maze Runner)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really, really try to respond to comments! Because I love getting them and I know (as a reader) how much fun it is to get a response from the author! Unfortunately... whenever I feel a depression spell coming on, replying to comments is often the first thing I stop doing. So, there's comments in my inbox that are 5 years old because I am trying to find the right time to reply. If you recently got a reply from me for something you complimented me on in 2021 <3 <3 <3 I am still thinking about you! <3 <3 <3

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

HA HA HA HA HA HA (insert laughing sickos meme here)

When We Meet Each Other In The Next Life Tell Me To Say Hello ends with Bruce Wayne telling a dying Dick Grayson stories knowing they won't be saved in time. Until Gold Touches The Sun ends with Tim and Damian being forced to watch Dick get executed. Sisyphean has Jason be forced to actively kill Dick to ease his suffering.

Also shoutout to All Quiet On The Eastern Front for being a story about the Ishvalen Genocide told from the perspective of a soldier about to be killed by Roy Mustang.

There's so much more, but those are some of the big ones I can think off at the top of my head.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmm, that's harder to answer. What's a happy ending? I have written some fluff fics, those probably count. Recently I wrote Theories Of Non-Conforming Heterosexuality which might end in some of the softest, purest rom-com-esque cuddling.

Oh, and there's The Turbulent Adoption of Roy Mustang which is a lot of crack treated seriously but ends in a surprisingly sincere moment of understanding and love.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally -- I write a lot of stories that are very decidedly Pro-Choice and some of these stories really didn't suit people's tastes. Other than that... people in the DC fandom go fucking crazy sometimes. I really don't have it that bad comparatively but sometimes I skim through old comments and I am baffled that someone actually said that to me.

9. Do you write smut?

Sometimes. I fear I am bad at it, but the only way out is through ;)

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes. I love a good crossover and so I try to write a good crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I can tell!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have gotten a few offers of people wanting to translate my fics, and maybe they did it or maybe they don't, but an offer was definitely made. And there's a couple of podfics out there for my fics, which just fills me with joy every time I remember <3

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes. Iris. You still have to post the second chapter. Iris. Do you hear me. Please.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh, that's a hard one. I am not what you'd call a shipper. Probably Royai? You can never go wrong with Royai.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I AM SO SORRY FOR EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER READ THE MOTHER DOUGH!

Mirror's Turned is my big (abandoned) long fic and as much as I would love to see the story finished (i still have the outline somewhere, I swear) my girlfriend who was helping me edit broke up with me in the middle of writing this and I just... I never managed to pick it back up.

I am soooooo sorry. This WIP haunts me everyday.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I can be surprisingly funny in my dialogue if I want to be, and I certainly have some skill in actually getting a character voice right. My writing is very close style of writing, and as such I am good at shifting the focus into the character -- and I am always willing to try out something new.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am trying so hard to give everything texture and a feel of groundedness, and I still somehow fail to strike a balance between descriptions, actions and dialogue. It's just... slightly skewered. That, and my Show Don't Tell could definitely be stronger.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I have played around with it before :D It can certainly add something to the story if well done -- just make sure you're using the language correctly.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Detective Conan - I was on a Swiss fan webpage that had it's own little archive. I wrote a handful of stories for that, back when breaching 1k still felt like writing a longfic.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I just have to say The Worst Place On Earth - simply because I think it is the best thing I have ever written from a technical standpoint.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAGGING ME! And I hope y'all know me a little bit better now :D

I want to get to know @selkienight60 @scienceoftheidiot @babblingbookends and @fanfictiongreenirises <3 <3 <3

[iheartpeppino]

I thought about posting this on AO3 but I realized that tagging it would be a nightmare, so... here it is, my love letter to Peppino Spaghetti, in response to his letter to me. (For context: we are engaged in this scenario.)

Dearest Peppino,

It was very sweet of you to find the time to write me a letter when I know how busy you've been with the pizzeria. I honestly can't stop reading it over and over. It warms my heart to know that even with all the stress you take on daily, working as hard as you do, you still think of me and make time for me. It amazes me how much you really do love me. Then again, we wouldn't be getting married if that weren't the case, right?

Mom and I have been keeping quite busy planning the wedding. Currently, she's trying to find someone who will supply the flowers. I'm trying to work on the guest list and decide who's doing what during the ceremony and the reception. Making so many big decisions for such an important day is exhausting, but in the end, it'll be worth it. Because it's going to be the perfect day that celebrates our love, Peppino. And I couldn't be more excited about it.

I know you're nervous about the big day, sweetie. I don't like the idea of standing up in front of so many people, either. And I totally understand you not wanting to wear itchy clothes. I want you to be comfortable, so... if you wanna wear your normal clothes plus a bow tie to our wedding, I'd be okay with it! Heck, wear your hat, too, if you'd like! I mean, the dress I picked out isn't exactly traditional. As long as you look nice and feel comfortable, you can wear whatever you want, okay? This is your day, too, sweetie. I care about your happiness just as much as you care about mine.

And hey, don't worry about all the people watching us during the ceremony. They're gonna see us, and they're all gonna be jealous of us. Because we found each other, and we're planning to spend the rest of our lives together. How many people can safely say they found their other half? Not many!

I keep picturing our big day. Me, walking down the aisle, wearing my dress. You, waiting at the altar for me, smiling at me. You're sweating nervously, but you're just as excited as I am. I approach you, take your hands in mine, and gaze into your eyes. I get lost in my feelings of love for you even as the preacher drones on; I barely care about a word he says as I focus solely on you, and how happy you make me every time I'm with you. Oh, I'll pay attention when I have to. I'll say “I do”, exchange rings and vows with you. And I'll do it all with passion! But just know that all the rest of the time, I'll be too busy floating on cloud nine, because I'm so happy I'm finally going to be your wife.

Hey, Pep... I didn't want to worry you, but... there's a reason I haven't been stopping by as much lately. I've actually been feeling a bit depressed lately, and it's been weighing on me. The world is a pretty messed up place right now, and it's hard not to feel down about it. Honestly, I need to stop watching the news. There are too many genuinely terrible people out there who have nothing better to do than to take advantage of those more poor and desperate than they are. It's super-disheartening, to say the least, and I've lost so much hope for this world.

Receiving your letter when I did was like someone turning on a light in the dark.

I think as long as you and I stick together through this world's craziness, we'll be fine. Like you said, we're doing this life thing together. Whether it's taking care of the restaurant or something bigger, we'll do it as a team. I've got your back, honey! I know you have mine, too.

You know how you say I make you feel calm even when you don't want to feel calm? You have the same effect on me, honestly. Whenever I see you, or hear your voice, or think about you, I'm suddenly grounded. I'm not freaking out like I usually do. So strongly you have won my heart, you've calmed the storm in my brain. You really are a special man, Peppino. I'm so happy you're mine. And I'm so, so grateful to be yours.

Please do me a favor and take your own advice. Don't push yourself too hard, and remember to take breaks, okay? I know you're a strong man who likes to work hard and get things done, but your mental health ALWAYS comes first, got it? If you ever feel like you need a break, don't be afraid to ask for help and take one for as long as you need. I mean it. I'll be mad if you push yourself too hard! I don't mind taking care of you, but the last thing I want is for you to make yourself sick because you were too stubborn. I don't mean to sound like a nag, I promise. I'm just worried about you. Please, please take care of yourself, Peppino! I love you with all my heart and soul, my beautiful sweet man!

Love,

Melissa

P.S. I've been thinking about our future together... how do you feel about starting a family?

[shrumgi]

@chalium a shame your long ass response was deleted. I know you loved this game more than I do, so I'd have loved to hear your full thoughts. So I'm responding in a separate post and not in responses since tumbler is on its glitchy shit apparently. But thank you for yapping with me, appreciate it! <3 I love this game but it pissed me off a lot at the same time. >"if the game failed to make you care about its most prominent characters then it didn't do its job as far as youre concerned, and thats gonna happen with any media for a lot of people."

To be 100% with you, I didn't play it myself, so I can't comment as someone who'd be invested in, let's say, leveling up Maelle or what have you.

This game was a rollercoaster - some parts were damn oscar-worthy, and sometimes it was garbage dragging along (a lot of actual plot cutscenes/ost was amazing, like when Renoir was walking and the clock was ticking, and the whole Sirene fight)

I don't think it's the game's fault per se for failing me to care for those characters, but when you have a whole roster, and the plot only focuses on certain characters, and from the beginning you couldn't care less about them (M/G/V) - I don't care - so at the their ending I understand what they're going for. The issue is - I don't care, and I think they should've died a long time ago, and accepted their deaths, instead of dragging it along for 2 hours.

It's interesting how this game sucks you into caring about its premise, and as soon as you're introduced to characters, it's barely holding onto their own unique characters.

>i think much of 33 is focused on its themes and it's all quite abstract for the sake of sparking reflection for the player, at the end of the day. not to mention it becomes a VERY intimate setting after act 2 that

Yes, that's actually a VERY GREAT portrayal of the game, if that make sense. This game works great as a solid piece of work, but anytime it tries to double drama more than it makes sense to - it just feels off.

I LOVED the beginning, Gustave and Sophie, everyone dying around. and the whole switch to 33 - that was great. But then it turned to some villages hehe haha, funni boss fights, and it takes you out of it, you know? While I GET IT, I GET it you can't be depressing 24/7 and Maelle is a child etc etc but it doesn't sit with me. I do not care.

>the entire population of the canvas that is apparently brought into existence with no consent or legislation

Yeah, Maelle decided to bring them back because... uh, she needs heckin support <3

And everyone is fine with it thank you :)

YOU LITERALLY DIED AND THIS ONE CHILD CONTROLS YOUR EXISTENCE, maybe be more shocked, I don't know? Verso literally killed you, and Maelle literally brought you back because she felt like it, maybe call them both out?

Nah. You know, if other characters called them all out at the end, - you know, the whole thing about the Paintress/Renny being so much in pain for her family etc that's why she's killing everyone - okay, then literally anyone else could be the Paintress and erase lives for their own family boo-boo death? What makes P so important that no one inside the Canvas/outside it can rebel and out-boo-boo her? You had CENTURIES of people dying and their pain, and you're telling me only these people had the most OG pain and no one out-pained them, so only V&M out there?

Fuck off.

[underworld-office-fan-acc]

I hope it's not too much of a hassle but

What would everyone think about mitski (I LOVE MITSKI I LOVE MITSKI.) :3

Hi! Don't worry I also do really love mitski for reals MITSKI FAN UNITE!!! :D

_____

‹Eugene›:

★ Was recommended by Joy and also River because they said Mitski's songs were amazing.

★ The both didn't disappoint because it was absolutely mind-breaking

★Had a phase for a while where'd they daydream about the songs for a while without realizing it and was like 'oh no I am obsessed!!!'

★ Favorite song would probably be Last Words of a Shooting Star, thought it was pretty calming and related to it

★Realized the meaning and tried to relate to other songs but failed, second favorite is Francis Forever but they liked all of the songs.

‹Boss›:

★ River recommend. Genuinely overwhelmed. What the hell.

★ He's usually stubborn and listens to those old Korean songs/rhymes or some random K-drama track for no reason, but Mitski was an surprising exception.

★ Genuinely goes dead silent (Like completely stiff, not a normal quiet), if someone around him plays Mitski.

★ Favorite song probably Class of 2013. Could not get over the lyrics and was like 'why is this kind of me' but in a more noble fancy way I can't think of

★ Mommy issues for real lmao He mainly likes the calmer parts of her songs.

‹River›:

★ Wanted some girly pop songs and thought Mitski was the most woman of a woman she'd ever seen.

★ Head over heels hehehe

★ Flexes off the fact the knows many Mitski songs and also listened to her other songs that weren't included in her albums (she liked cop car).

★ Favorites were the songs in her Lush and Puberty 2 album, and Drunk Walk Home!!! Rock is life for her :]

★ Oddly took a liking to A Pearl a lot.

‹Hayden›:

★ Doesn't Really understand the meaning but likes the sounds of the beats and lyrics so there's that!!! Of course, heard Mitski from River.

★ Occasionally listens to her songs for a bit before going back to coco melon rip Hayden you would've loved being an ipad kid

★ The cats seems to like the songs though, so Hayden will usually steal River's phone to play songs for them.

★ Favorite is My Love Mine All Mine since its calming, reminds him of those highschool musicals prom scenes, and his mum used to sing in the same soft voice a lot. Might get emotional.

★ Also likes Strawberry Blonde :3

‹Joan›:

★ River recommend. Although she doesn't really like modern music, she could probably listen to Two Slow Dancers all day.

★ Probably likes those cliche calming love songs like old people do. I don't really know what genre but yea

★ Doesn't have much of an opinion on her, but will say her music's are decent enough

★ Favorite is of course, Two Slow Dancers and probably My Love Mine All Mine.

★ Doesn't like the ones with a rock kind of sounding.

‹Sean›:

★ Thinks she's a really good artist. Secretly sobs to her songs.

★ River recommend while yapping about Mitski and he said he'd give her songs a try. Never forgets about his promises and listened.

★ Likes First Love/Late Spring since it sounded like it'd smells like flowers.

★ Didn't know how to react ngl

★ Overall she's cool!!!

‹Charlie›:

★ Depressed. Will combust from the trainwreck of derealization hitting them in the guts and chest.

★ Of course, River kept playing Mitski on full blast and Charlie hated to mentally admit Mitski was actually a good artist.

★ Will listen to her as a background music while making paper crafts. But ends up zoning out and full on have their attention on the music instead. Hides the fact they liked Mitski because River was egotistical enough already.

★ Favorite was sadly Class of 2013 and Your Best American Girl, she was gonna genuinely go insane listening to it.

★ I think she's reacted pretty well (cue the mental breakdown)

‹Mike›:

★ Doesn't have much of an opinion, mostly because I'm still learning to write his character,,,

★ Heard her from boredly scrolling through TikTok, her song just ticked his brain in the right place.

★ Have only listened to her more optimistic-like songs, wait till he hears Lush and Be The Cowboy >:)

★ Favorite is probably Your Best American Girl

★ That's all I have </3

‹Luke›:

★ Joy kept recommending Mitski songs while doing karaoke one night.

★ Couldn't believe he only discovered her songs now because one: it was good. Two: she was popular??? How has he not herd of her???

★ Found out the whole group likes Mitski due to Joy now and was like 'eh, worth it'

★ Favorite is definitely Francis Forever and Once More to See You.

★Will now imagine music in his dream incase kitty ever listens to it with him.

‹Joy›:

★ BIGGEST. FAN. EVER. Genuinely obsessed. Loves every music released.

★ Loves yapping about Mitski even if her friends aren't listening, she's glad no one's stopping her from talking.

★ Wish she could go to concerts but she didn't have the money for concert tickets and flight tickets. Year for it to come true one day.

★ Loves her Laurel Hell and The Land is Inhospitable And So Are We albums, but adores every each songs.

★ You could tell she's obsessed with an music artist and it's either expectantly or unexpectedly Mitski.

‹Oliver›:

★ Joy kept telling him to listen to Mitski and he was like 'what if I don't want to' (Joy ends up making an empty threat saying she'll be in his walls if he didn't and he kind of took that seriously)

★ Thinks she's a pretty good artist, a solid 7/10 to be nice because Joy is going to haunts in his sleepings if he puts a 5

★ Occasionally finds himself singing a lyric and contemplate his life choices.

★ Likes Stay soft since it sounds really good.

★ Pray for him that Joy doesn't execute him with a lobotomy due to only knowing one album 🙏 /j

‹Finley and Tatum (Teenagers)›:

★ I'm also practicing on writing these two, so patience,,,

★Finley heard about it from Eugene talking about it while they were passing by, which they asked Tatum to listen to Mitski together.

★ They're faces were genuinely :0 because it was actually surprisingly good (listened to FL/LS)

★ Finley likes how good Francis Forever is and Tatum was Real Men since it sounded tough.

★ Yeag,,,,

‹Linda›:

★ Her adopted children (Finley and Tatum, my hc) kept yapping about it on some occasion so she went and tried it for herself.

★ She listens to the more calmer peaceful songs since rock might just give her a heart attack.

★ Likes First Love/Late Spring since it sounds like it'd smells like flowers.

★ Wonders if Sean would've love this kind of music just like she did.

★(Funny thing that's not a spoiler alert; he does)

_____

Ngl,,, I genuinely had fun writing this!!!

Although I probably wouldn't go with music artist since I'm not good with it but this was certainly fun to try out and write the characters I don't know much aswell :]

[eclipsecrowned]

🔥🔥🔥 for whatever u want!!! if u dont have any more off the top of ur head + want a topic then do berserk. also why is this text so big why am i yelling. kadi help // @likemosaic

i am printing and framing this ask jsyk.

I don't know if the community at large understands what an OC is anymore. Like. There's fandom OCs, where you create a new dude to live in an extant setting. There's fandomless OCs, where you create a new dude in either a new world or applicable to all worlds. There's OCs who were formerly canon related, such as when you were really into a franchise but ended up developing your original dude so contrary to later established lore that you just pull them entirely, or you so fell out of love with the source material you pack up a decade plus canon dude and start sanding them down away from the shit views of the creator. There's player character OCs, where you get to write your dude you played in an rpg. Many roads, same result.

Then there's some stuff I've seen recently that is baffling to me.

People filing serial numbers off of a popular FC's role and claiming that Blarbo, the 6'3" chainsaw wielding vampire clown whose FC is internationally recognized white man du jour Large McHugebig written for the Murderous Mimes of the Multiverse fandom, is totally different to Blorbo, the 6'3" chainsaw wielding vampire clown whose FC is internationally recognized white man du jour Large McHugebig, from the Murderous Mimes of the Multiverse film series. People can't actually think that's original content, surely. That's very clearly the same character with token adjustments. Why would you not just play Blorbo with some divergences or personal lore?

Or people who have purported to write OC concepts off of barely fleshed out canon elements, which is usually one of my fav OC bases... Except wait, that's literally a canon take on that concept from an extant adaption. Yes, Count Blorbinski's wife is an unnamed figure in the original novel, but the 1999 anime 'Blorbinski's Bouncy House of Doom' said her name was Blorbentina. How... Coincidental that your OC for Countess Blorbinski is also named Blorbentina. And has the exact same backstory and dynamic with the Count as from the anime. And you use the 1999 design for the Countess as her FC -- This isn't an OC, as much as you keep saying it. Bouncy House of Doom is one of the most popular anime out there too so how did you think this was going to work? Again, why would you not just play the 1999 version of this character instead of presenting her as your own creation?

More and more often I see 'ten years ago this would have been an AU/fandomless blog for a canon but today we pretend this is original content' blogs pop up. I feel like if I rolled up with a Calishite Warlock named Cal'aydin who was bonded to a wind spirit and was fighting depression after his brother's death as well as the forces of the BBEG, you guys would righteously call me on 'this is K*ladin St0rmblessed reskinned for D&D. You didn't come up with any of this.' But more and more I see 'original content do not steal' except? It's already extant IP with one or two concepts changed to suit the mun's tastes. Everything else remains very clearly the work of [insert household name creative of the 20th-21st centuries here.]

It amazes me how often I see these blogs pop up, and just how popular some of them are. I cannot wrap my head around it. Like, it's their blog, they can do whatever, as long as they're not profiting off someone else's creative labor it's not a big deal. But it is one of those 'has become more common in the community lately' things that makes me want to stand up and ask 'is anyone else seeing this or am I just going crazy?' I feel like I'm in the minority by not caring for this trend/new definition of 'original character' just based on how often these blogs cross my dash.

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

hiii i hope you're well, for the anime asks: 2, 6, 8, 11, 22, 23, 24, 29!

Oooooooo I am READY to answer all of these questions omg thank you for picking so many!!!!

2. first anime crush 

Kyo Sohma from Fruits Basket. I watched the 2001 anime back when I was in middle school and I remember convincing myself I was genuinely in love with him, it was so bad. I wrote self-insert fanfiction about him falling in love with me on Wattpad. I no longer have those feelings for him lol but I do love him as a character, he's one of my all time favorites.

6. popular anime you didn’t like

I wouldn't say that I didn't like Kuroko no Basket, but it just didn't interest me. I watched about ten episodes before dropping it, I just didn't care for any of the characters and there wasn't anything that made me want to see them succeed.

8. anime character you are most like

I heavily identify with both Yuki Sohma from Fruits Basket and Deku from mha. There are certain people pleasing aspects and a desperation to be liked and accepted from both of them that I really identify with. I also identify a lot with Megumi from jjk and Oikawa from hq, but that's in more of a resigned depression/fear of failure sort of way.

11. anime you didn’t expect to like but did

I don't typically start shows I think I'll dislike, but I was surprised by how much I loved Mob Psycho 100 and Seraph of the End. Both of those became instant favorites when I got into them when I was only expecting to have a standard enjoyment of them.

22. age you started watching anime/person who introduced you to it. 

I was in fifth or sixth grade I believe? I had a friend that was a few years older than me that was really into anime and she got me to start watching InuYasha with her and that's basically how it started.

23. unpopular character you love

Gabi from AOT. I LOVE how complex and nuanced her character is. The hate this brainwashed child soldier gets is insane to me. I grieved when Sasha died, but I also understand how Gabi is specifically written to be a foil to Eren—she's has the same rage and hatred and drive that Eren does, but she's able to understand that the world isn't black and white much faster than Eren did. Seeing her slowly grasp that what she's been taught is skewed and twisted by ignorance and fear was amazing, one of my favorite parts of AOT.

24. popular character you hate 

Hisoka. I have no clue how he's so popular, I barely gave af about him when I watched the show and he's such a creep, I was always glad when he wasn't around. His ability is cool I guess, but he's just so.... icky. The most interesting about him is his connection to the Phantom Troupe and honestly I can't remember much about their interactions after season 2.

29. anime that deserves another season

Seraph of the End, easily. The show became SUCH a hyperfixation for me when I watched it that I binge read the manga because I needed more. Honestly, I just want to see Mika again and I think the story really picks up from where the anime ends (it does sort of get jumbled and messy further down the line, but I can ignore that).

[lil-melody-moon]

Okay so I got this ask right here yesterday and as I promised, I gave Lana's song a try, but since I had to listen to the lyrics I read them first and damn you Anon you were right. Specifically those lyrics stand out:

He lives for love, he loves his drugs, he loves his baby, too

But I can't fix him, can't make him better And I can't do nothing about his strange weather

But you are unfixable I can't break through your world

He lives for love, for women, too I'm one of many, Bonnie's blue

So now I'm gonna listen to it, see how it's delivered

*fives minutes later* Oh God, this is heavy, let me listen one more time - I always get something better after second or third listen

*another five minutes later* Oh my fucking God, how do I find words for this...

Maybe I'll start from this. I probably didn't have luck for Lana's songs before, but like I can see by this song that understanding her lyrics is important so what I suck at the most, so I would literally had to read every lyrics before listening to her songs, like I did with this and God did this song hit.

The delivery of those lyrics are filled with so much sadness, the whole melody is melancholic with a LOT of regret, the soft drumming which gets louder later and that guitar instrumental break, the chaotic part, you can get a lot from the music only let alone knowing the lyrics.

I got the vibe of being a witness to all of this, not being able to do anything and like it's very accurate to how I felt about Keith at the beginning of October, end of September last year when I learned a lot about him - not everything, but got the hang of how it was with him (hence why my depressive fic called "Rain Over The Unwritten Words" came to be).

It's magical how a song can actually describe your feelings better than words, don't you think? Didn't think I will come back to feeling so miserable about him again, but you were totally right Anon, this song is about him, not a single shadow of a doubt about it.

Yet again I got a similar image to what I saw at September/October while listening to "Now And Then" by The Beatles. Totally different vibe, but the same image: A glass wall between the two people, the woman and the man separated, but with Lana's song, instead of knowing about the other and being able to meet for a short while (after the death of them both), this is more of a scene where the woman can only watch through the glass wall how the man is destroying himself, screaming her lungs out, knowing how it'll end and the fact that she can't do anything about it is destroying her tiny heart.

Very depressive, but this is what I saw, so I'm sharing it, also one other thing:

But I can't fix him, can't make him better And I can't do nothing about his strange weather

But you are unfixable I can't break through your world

Those lyrics hit me the most - good work Lana, amazing song

[fiercynn]

heyyy! i was wondering if you liked the os2 episodes of bbts!!! i noticed you shared some stuff regarding the first two episodes. did you enjoy eps 3 and 4 as well?

i never get asks, this is so exciting??? (probably because i don't actually spend enough time on tumblr...i was kind of starting to be on here a bit and then got depressed by a lot of the negative reactions to @end-otw-racism during their first action. but tbh getting an ask actually makes me want to engage more so THANK YOU ANON)

okay, my os2 feelings! i talked about this a bit on my twitter so i'm going to recreate some of that here, haha. but the short version is: yes, i enjoyed the whole thing! i think episode one was my favorite because i lovedddd the patpran dynamic we got there - watching pran be confident but also settled in love felt amazing to me, and i loved the little domestic notes. i think my second-favorite episode was actually the last one - not so much because i think it was a well-constructed episode (it was a little all over the place, tbh), but i ADORED the phutian ending after having felt like their relationship was getting kind of shafted for most of the special. also we got to see inkpa again!

it's hard to talk about my own feelings though about it without reflecting on the disappointment a lot of people i know have felt about the special. and i certainly understand and agree with a LOT of the critiques, they are completely valid. but i guess i'll explain a bit more about why i liked the special anyway.

firstly, i think i came into it with the feeling that because bbs is such a perfect narrative, anything we got in os2 would be a bonus, and that i could take or leave the parts i liked and didn't like to apply to my own personal love of bbs - especially since it did take place in the timeskip instead of the ending. and i especially felt this way because of knowing that there was a crossover with atots.

i think that one of the issues with crossovers in general is they force shows to draw kind of contrived parallels between characters and pairings. and similarly i think crossovers require characters to be matched up in scenes together just so you see their contrasts. so that's why we had to have two separate nights of lost in the woods, so that we could get pran & phupha as well as tian & pat. could they have done better with making parallels that made more sense for both couples? sure. but i wasn't totally surprised that the crossover parts felt clunky/over-worked. i also think crossovers prioritize humorous moments over character-building ones. they're just really not a good vehicle for storytelling imo - they're more just about seeing your faves up on screen together.

as far as patpran's conflict in these episodes - again, totally valid & understandable that people are upset & feel like it was unresolved! for me, though, it felt like a pretty natural part of their progression as a couple. my friend @/siri_dechawat on twitter has a great thread about it that i totally agree with. and also i think it's worth thinking about how long patpran's history is, how many old hurts they still have that probably aren't fully resolved. i was once in a relationship that reminds me of that, a relationship that had six years of fraught history before it got happy, and my recollection is that by the time you get to the place where you're secure in that kind of relationship, you don't always revisit those old hurts because you have the feeling that now you're happy, so why look back so much? but they can still flare up and it can be hard to talk about them, so you try to work through them yourself and that isn't always easy.

to me, the fact that patpran kept up a lot of their usual dynamic - teasing, competing, cuddling, even while they're in the middle of a fight - felt very organic. they can't always say exactly what they're feeling, but they still express affection. and for me, the fact that they were having this fight at all about pran's independence & pat's self-sacrifice wasn't at all going backwards from the original show. the second half of bbs doesn't actually have them resolving a lot of those things out loud.

at the end of the day, while this is the last time we'll see patpran onscreen (sob), it's not their ending. it's not even the ending that we see of them. we know where they end up by ep 12 and it's pretty perfect imo. and the fact that they are not always perfect at communicating along the way is okay with me. we know they end up on the same page (ha) even if these episodes had some conflict around that. we know where their love is.

okay i said all this and i stand by it, but also if you have read any of my fic you know that i LOVE writing canon-divergence AUs, so i did a series of them for os2 as well based on prompts i got on twitter! i ended up with twelve separate "what if" scenarios for how various scenes in the special could have gone differently - just episodes one through three, because i wasn't as much in a writing mood after the last one - and i collected them together in an ao3 post called in another lifetime. i think my favorite ones within there are mountain, a h/c ficlet patpran do actually make it up pha pun dao, and secrets, an extension of the last patpran scene in episode three. so if you were unsatisfied by various scenes in the special, maybe you will like these as fix-its? :D? anyway thank you again anon for the ask!!!! maybe i will try to be on tumblr more again...

[dashawfrostart]

Another Month In "Time & Again" #34: Don't Get Discouraged, I'm Still Working On It

I had a new post stub that I started working on, like, 2 weeks ago, but ended up never returning back to it. Instead, that stub ended up in my drafts for later.  And this post is completely new. Moreover, this update has been made due to necessity and sense of responsibility rather than for the sake of writing practice (as per usual), and I cannot even say it's a regular update.

It's more like a reminder that I am still alive and kickin' (and drawing, of course). Just reminding y'all about my quiet existence in the world of art and all.

Truth be told, things haven't exactly been all sugar and spice for me lately - especially as far as the art goes. Within a month and a half, to be honest, I hardly had enough time to sit down and work on it, and even after I did - I suffered a terrible art block (or something). I finally got to make a whole lineart for a page from scratch only in the very end of April. Here's what I got (and I'm very happy with the result; disregard the crooked overlapping text, because it's the subject to change anyway):

(jeepers, Lothar always looks like a 🚿💰 when he's clean shaved, lol)

Now that my day job schedule has been modified, and it works so much better for my art focus and life endeavours, I'm looking forward to submerge myself into the grey and depressing world of Lothar's inner thoughts and his grim Kopfkino. The lineart shown above for the page I made from scratch (scrapping all the previous work I had for it, yup) looks truly amazing, and I'm proud of myself, because returning to the creative state after a long break is not that easy as one might think.

In fact, it was frustrating and almost infuriating. It was so bad, I started to doubt my skill and capabilities. I was involved into production of a poster for a local event, because I always do something artistic virtually all the time (and any time of the day, and sometimes night, too). But I couldn't even stand praise. I was so deeply frustrated with how crooked, slow, and long-past-the-deadline everything went with "Time & Again", I was disgusted, and I didn't want to hear anything good about my skill - because I totally felt as if it was MIA or flat-out non-existent anymore. I was so down, I thought it was gone for good. After feeling art-crappy for a while, I figured I must snap out of it and get my Sch***e together, so I started to look at inspirational art by my favourite artists again. This time, aside from the screenshots and arts from Atlantis: The Lost Empire (which is an obsessive norm for me to look at, cough), I thoroughly explored some of my favourite newer arts of Jamie Hewlett. After thinking and contemplating for a while, I think it started to come back to me. Something started to stir - just like the Black Eye Orb, but much better (because it didn't involve fighting some spunky doofus in shiny armour wielding shotels... ach, terrible). I have unlocked some ghastly grasp on which direction I need to aim for with my own pen and paper (or rather, in my case, it's stylus and graphic monitor).

I guess it probably doesn't need to be stated specifically every single time, but it makes me happy to realize that those aforementioned phenomena have been my stable source of inspiration and artistic vision for years and years. I am truly thankful Atlantis and Jamie Hewlett exist. I do not know where I would've been as an artist if they didn't exist... but I can definitely tell you I really like my art style as it is now, and though, as any self-respecting artist, I still strive to grow and discover new art style/technique venues, the basis of my style has been established quite well - and you know what? I really love it.

But back to the down-to-earth questions of life. Something I could never understand is, why people expect artists to always create 24/7, when they are - obviously - people, too (not robots), and they have a lot of other things to do in life. Expecting that much productivity from someone is just misunderstanding how humans work in the first place. That "all or nothing" approach is sehr schädlich (for some reason I needed to switch to German here, because it fits so nice). One cannot be constantly productive without fluctuations. And that IS, indeed, normal. The same reason why I simply can't be online 24/7, nor use Instagram properly. That is just not possible per se. That is also the reason why I can't spend thousands of hours in one and only videogame - although the latter also has different reasons for me (such as, for example, this artist can't stand stagnant setting + atmosphere).

Expectations, on the other hand, are ruining everything for everyone, as I've already said before, and possibly not just once.

Not having exactly a ton of time on hand, I'm gonna wrap it up for today, on this note full of criticism.

But first, before I bid a real farewell, I would like to lament about something for a bit.

Soon, I want to attempt something rather daring. While I'm still researching and finishing up whatever is left to do for the lineart (some important worldbuilding moments and designs as well as simply bug fixes - and, at the time of writing these words, there's not very much left unfinished anymore), I'm also gonna start slowly filling up the characters with flat colours. So I'm gonna be doing two things at once intermittently depending on the time of day/my mood/weather/favourable photon currents. 

Because...

I HATE FLAT COLOURING SUBSTAGE.

So I want to be done with it asap.

And in order to do that, I'll finally start practising Krita's Colorize Mask, which I played with briefly but got rather dissatisfactory results - most likely because I wasn't in the mood for trying harder. Hopefully this time it will go better, because I'm painstakingly determined now. Because eff the flatting 😫 I also want to try some community-made plugins and extensions for Krita in a hope to find something that works best for me, to speed up the unskippable yet the most boring point & click game called "mindlessly colour by numbers with a flood fill bucket because there's literally nothing creative in this super tedious process".

Here, I accidentally came up with another one ridiculously long af anime title. 👆 Now I just need to make a manga based on that title. Or somebody else could try, because I'm too entangled within Lothar's inner demons.

May the contemporary technology help me save my time and sanity (and truth be told, without it I would've never even attempted creating a comic in the first place).

Until next time, Freunde. 👋

[the-cat-chat]

March 22, 2025

A Different Man (2024)

An aspiring actor undergoes a radical medical procedure to drastically transform his appearance. However, his new dream face quickly turns into a nightmare as he becomes obsessed with reclaiming what was lost.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: What a cool, unique premise for a movie. Now look, I do watch a lot of movies, but I'm no where near an expert on storytelling, narrative, metaphor, etc. I know there are elements of movie that I just didn't completely understand. The meta parts of the story were very evident, even I couldn't miss those, but I'm sure I didn't dive as deep as other people could to analyze everything.

My biggest takeaway from this movie is how Edward is so unhappy and depressed with his life throughout the story and especially in the beginning. And he thinks it's mainly to do with his condition. He feels like a passive observer in his life. He's going through the motions. He's "acting." And then he gets his magic "fix" and suddenly things are different. Or are they? Meeting Oswald makes him realize that it was never about his condition at all. It was always about him.

Oswald may have the same condition, but that's where things divert. Oswald puts himself out there. He starts conversations, he makes friends, he has romantic partners, he has hobbies, and people like him. He's an active participant in his life, and more than that, his presence impacts others in a significant way. It's interesting to see Edward have to face this reality for himself, which of course, causes him to spiral further.

I don't know if I've seen a movie quite like this before, which is always fun. It's not a perfect movie, but it's engaging and thought-provoking, and I'm glad I watched it.

Rating: 6.75/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I really loved this movie. Not only is it bizarre and kept me confused for half of it, has Sebastian Stan, but it also has a really great message. Now like I said it’s wildddd- I’m really not tooooo sure about the hole in his ceiling- but I kinda too think I know exactly what it means- so that’s the whole vibe the entire movie. I know it’s not conducive to the story but if a guy showed up saying he was my neighbor and had a secret medical trial and now looked like Sebastian Stan - I’m probs gonna believe him. Buuuuttt I get that’s not realistic- but him not explaining it and just making it worse really killed me. On tooo the neighbor - I hate herrrrrr the whole movie. She writes a play on him??? Uggg and she feels like such a user. Really. I don’t like her. And thennnnn he shows up with an exact mask and she asks zero questions. The play part was reallly eeee for me. Buttt I love the message of life is really all about your attitude towards it, and the whole “wherever you go there you are” feeling. The fact that they have “Guy” move in is wild and that he snaps the way he does- the ends crazzzzyy. I do love how Oswald calls Guy Edward at dinner when he’s indecisive about ordering and calls him his old friendddd. It’s so goood. And whatttt doeesss it alll meannnn? Amazing. And the whole cast is amazing- but how Adam Pearson plays Oswald had me losing my sanity with Edward/Guy.

Rating: 7/10 Cats 🐈

[the-firebird69]

Andy Dufresne Tells Red Where to Find Him - The Shawshank Redemption (19...

Andy depressed me Andy dufresne was made to grab all the stuff buy a few parties too and it made a contrast and a separation and people go down there and they'll have to fight the empire and the they know it cuz the empire doesn't want them to take over the top side. they don't really understand that not everyone can attack the empire all at once or the empire will come up and grab their stuff on the way up after they grab theirs but this is a formula that are two leaders came up with and it works and we have solutions for the end game and these guys are trying to come up with some and they're working at it but keep in mind that the empire had it in their heads to expose their kind to us and they did that and blamed a bunch of people and they didn't just like the revolutionary war which they inspired which was supposed to have a school over to the other continent and they could come by and with armies like they did and see if they'd find us meanwhile these people are just trying to get away from them so a bunch of scallywags left and fought pretty hard and was gorilla warfare and they thought it was us so they came over find out it's not and couldn't find us figured that we were still back there so the empire went all over the place and they were beat up pretty bad they wanted to try again and they went down using Tommy FS cover but yeah they've tried this before and he mentioned it and they smiled and says that's what we needed and it did so they felt a lot better at the end of the movie that's how they're feeling we have something we haven't get it and sees empire guys and the empire denies it up and down the river and her son said something very important and daughter how are you supposed to get that to happen in the middle areas and it wasn't happening so they had people screaming it before it's a separation and then he referenced something that they can reference it's Pink Floyd both of those guys with the lead singers but the originals singer was one person and he messed up our son's Kia and he was amazed and says I hate them and I can't stop and tried to blame Garth so they're both looking at each other it says it wasn't me and our son says it really wasn't him and the store keep was not Mac Daddy that was the mack proper too and I argued that they were kind of arguing with each other. It didn't really come out that way it took a little bit longer and I said this is something well if they don't disagree like they should and certain things and he was mad that mightiest guy started d****** with me and he's I think the original Mr clean and they said wow that's f****** awful but really awesome that he figured it out and they knew about it and remembered it and they did put tails on him and they think they know where that bunch is from and they're very dangerous the guy is pissed off but who cares he came in you got weak you crapped all over the place it's part of your motif and modus operandi so this thing kind of proves it was Pink Floyd and The division Bell and a lot of people are going to sing it it is a huge huge fine so we're going to print he's looking at weird for years and she is too this movie saying that something about this movie that's very strange and it was what they're saying

Thor Freya

Olympus

We have hope and we're poor again in prison things look very bad but now people will get it they did it to divide them out we did it to try and solicit them a little and it works and world war II and they're trying to do that back then and the revolutionary war was a big attempt similar stuff was happening

Andy dufresny

Now we have a baseline and we can hold on to it and verify it

Garhh

[alexandraisyes]

God, the "What if Eclipse had ASPD" post is still one of my most famous ones that everyone in this fandom seems to fucking know one way or another. I still get people going "WAIT YOU WROTE THAT?" When I join servers, and then they yap about how much they misunderstood ASPD and Eclipse and I sit there in my lil teehee pose like "yes I wrote that I know I'm amazing you can sing my praises more if you would like" (because I have no shame).

(In reality I go "yes I wrote that haha" and never remark on it again because I don't know how to accept a compliment)

I know I'm doing good and doing a good thing but it's such a cruel and lonely disorder, and sometimes I hate myself for having it even if I know, logically, there is nothing I could have to prevent it. A two-year-old doesn't have the kind of control they need to stop bad things from happening to them. And that's horrible. And I hate that the people I know in my outside life immediately turn against me when they find out I have it.

It doesn't feel like it's something I should be proud of.

It feels like something that makes me a monster.

And that's just the way it is, I suppose. I'm going to lose people over things I can't control and I need to fucking suck it up and get over it even though every time someone leaves me for it it's a stake in the heart because I put my trust in them to understand. To stay. To listen.

To know me and not the stereotypes of my disorder.

But I shouldn't care, right? Because that's all I do anyway, not care. Because that's all that is to the disorder, and none of the paranoia and depression and mania and obsession and boredom and self-loathing and isolation and numbness exist, stop trying to play the victim.

I'm not trying to play the victim.

I am the victim.

Are people allowed to be proud that they survived a car crash? Are they allowed to be proud of themselves for surviving? Does any rational person look at something horrible that happened to themself and think "I'm so proud I survived something I had no control over"? Or do we look at them funny because why would you say that, why would you say you're proud of yourself, it all happened so fast and you didn't even do anything but keep breathing and not die how can you be proud of that you're not saving other people from car crashes your not giving people lessons on how to avoid getting rear-ended you're just living your life what do you have to be proud of?

Do I have anything to be proud of?

I feel like I've caused just as much harm that has been caused to me, and now I'm pathetically trying to compensate for that so when I tell people about my past they look at me now and tell me "it's okay you're doing better now I'm proud of you".

Is it pathetic that's all I've ever wanted to hear?

Is it bad to want to be loved when you can't even properly love people in return? Is it bad that I can love anyone because the word has no meaning to me other than respecting someone else as a person? When did I stop being human, when did I forget emotion and connection and sanity, when did I become a machine who's only purpose is to be a sad display of the human condition? Diseased, imperfect, parasitic, incurable.

And why would anyone ever even want to treat someone who is so much less than a person when they clearly deserve it because look at the way they fail to be genuine and sincere and empathetic. Because look at their past where they didn't understand social conventions and broke the rules and hurt people trying to connect with them.

Clearly I should be put out of my misery.

And yet I refuse to do so myself and continue to make my continued existence a source of anxiety and suffering for those around me simply because I have so much hatred for living that to submit to death would be letting it win.

And wow this is getting really long and rambly so I'm going to put a readmore but also guys gonna be so real I'm on my period rn according to my emotions (they are existing currently and it is not happy fun times) and I had an energy drink so this was kinda fucking panicky and insane and you are allowed to judge me for going actually insane on main, and making a pathetic little display of myself. I'll just sit here going teefuckinghee and eating my 85% dark chocolate that my friend mailed me because I am loved by at least one person on this fucking hellscape of a planet, and that's enough for me.

It's so weird trying to be proud? Accepting? Of my own disorder that's literally formed from the worst kinda of trauma you can put a child through

Like whooo ASPD and because I'm a good(not really but we can pretend)person who wants to educate people I can make it useful by talking about what it's like

But also . . . it's ASPD.

I don't know if I'm allowed to be proud of it, even during disability pride month.