#i think my empathy runs on a spin cycle

[fanvoidkeith]

"high empathy autism" this, "low empathy autism" that. you don't even know how fast my empathy can switch on a dime

(*update to this post before i even post it: the day i wrote this, i forgot to take my anxiety meds. oops. this still applies, though)

[hauntedselves]

What Survival Looks Like at Home

From 'What Survival Looks Like at Home' by Helen Townsend, from Beacon House & Inner World Work (PDF)

Quick cheat sheet:

Noticing Freeze

Bored, not interested

Confused, forgetful

Distracted, not listening

Clumsy

Talking about something else

Not moving to where you’ve asked

Scanning the room

Wide eyed, pupils might dilate

Daydreaming, staring into space

Grounding Freeze

Stay with me, don’t leave me

Tell me I’m ok & that I am safe

Watching TV

Deep breathing

Spinning on a swing

Climbing & hanging

Rolling or cycling down a hill

Digging in mud or sand

Jumping on a trampoline

Do my chores with me

Gently wonder where I have gone & invite me back to you

If I have forgotten what I was supposed to be doing, remind me again gently

Hot chocolate & toast

A warm bath & a warm towel

A soft teddy for bedtime

Noticing Flight

Hyperactive, manic, silly

Aggressive, threatening: stiffening up, clenching fists

Running away, escaping, disappearing, hiding under the table/bed/sofa

Clumsy

Disruptive, loud & noisy

Can’t cope with free play

Can’t follow house rules

Not doing what you’ve asked

Lonely

Keeping super busy

Baby talk/silly voices

Bumping into people

Needing to get into the car/house/park first

Grounding Flight

Keep me close by

Find me again happily or patiently

Deep breathing

Give me a familiar & easy chore

Crunchy foods – carrot sticks, a biscuit, a rice cake or crisps

Tell me that I am safe with you

Hanging from monkey bars

Talk through what you think I am finding tricky using a kind voice

Heavy blankets

Create a safe space where I can hide away I when I need to

Tug of war

Cup of warm milk or hot chocolate

Hot water bottle & a soft teddy

Recognize I sometimes find 'normal' family life threatening

Accept that if I feel threatened, I feel in real danger.

If you send me to do something & I forget, just patiently ask again

Noticing Fight

Hot and bothered

Argumentative, angry and aggressive

Controlling, demanding and inflexible

Lie or blaming

Unable to concentrate on one thing

Unable to follow the house rules

Confrontational

Disrespectful

Disregarding of others, pushing away friends/family members

Shouting, loud and noisy

Immature

Grounding Fight

Tell me you love me even when my I push you away

Don’t punish me for being cross; reward me with your kindness and love for getting calm again

Keep me safe from hurting myself

Match my energy

Deep breathing

Chewy foods

Support me socially

Hanging, swinging and climbing

Warm bath with lots of bubbles

Warm milk or a hot chocolate

Hot water bottle

A super soft teddy and/or blanket

Give me a task that makes me feel important

Connect with me and show me empathy before exploring the consequences of my behavior

Create somewhere safe to go to so I can calm down

Make things predictable. Tell me about changes before they happen, especially if strangers are coming to the house or I’m going somewhere new

Accept I might not know why I behaved in that way & I might not remember what happened

Listen and acknowledge how I feel, even if you see it differently, it will help me feel listened to

Noticing Submit

Unhappy, low mood

Alone or withdrawn

Fidgety but not disruptive, anxious

Never questioning or asking questions

Never drawing unnecessary attention

Yes or no answers - doing just enough to avoid being noticed, unable to think

Quiet & passive, compliant

Grounding Submit

See me, listen to me

Give me small repetitive things to do

Weighted blanket

Building with Lego or Play-doh

Tell me I am safe

Deep breathing

Swinging

Let me spend quiet time just with you

Understand that social media might symbolizes a comforting connection

Hot chocolate and a crunchy biscuit

Wrap me up in a soft blanket & watch TV

Understand that playing computer games, lets me be by myself somewhere safe

Recognize I am hurting inside & might need professional help

Know that I am easily bullied, look out for this, don’t expect me to tell you.

Notice I will say what I think you want me to say

Be aware that I am an easy target & can be coerced easily to keep the peace

Know I can't cope being the center of attention

Watch for me removing myself

Warm bath and a warm towel

Warm pyjamas

[visiblenostalgia]

The Future Of The Internet: Data Sets

(and dominant sign+planet calculations)

as fated by my last post, I’ve since ran the numbers and figured out what planets/signs to look for in regards to the future of the digital space.

FYI:

-> All shortened key points will be shown in the graphs alternative description.

The Process:

(personally, not professionally) calculated planets all have been started with a base value of '1.5' to give leverage so there wouldn't be any wonky zero's and non-values for extra measure. These will be dependent variables based on if there was a case of exaltation or dominance which adds a point, and if they were in fall or detriment to dock them a point. That way, the minimal value that can be traced was a '0.5' at the lowest. The highest (because of adding another point based on how many times a sign got ticked, therefore the ruling planet gets emphasis), can result in a '5.5'.

However, what can be said for the signs, is that all have a base value of '1'. signs have been added points based on how many planets have touched it and which degree they were applicable too (therefore giving them an extra point based on degree theory). These would be our independent variables. Because of the fact it's all based on how many times this sign was marked in the ephemeris at the time of data collection.

Without further ado..... more after the cut

The Content:

Date 1: The Internet

April 30th 1993

In terms of planets:

Because of how new it was back then and due to the fact that it was an open ticket to letting the creativity of the people manifest quickly, small businesses and people alike would begin to put their external or internal personality out there. Hence the Sun and Moon being the two most dominant objects within the chart.

It makes sense because of the rapid non-retrograde cycles for the two Luminaries to rule over the internet. Those change day by day and seeing at how we do things around here in the digital space, you can see where things change without a second thought.

One day it's the Kendrick n' Drake drama. Hitting you in the feels and getting you hyped up for the next drop. The next day it would have been.... god knows what else.

For it to cast lunar dominance also makes sense because of the strong pull to cast out emotionally-pulling articles/topics. Protests have been emotional, songs and influencers have this emotional spin on them, there's nothing stopping someone from expressing their issues on the internet. Hence why there's a bigger influence of people who have had it rough IRL on there. People flock to a place where they can be real.

Sadly though, since empathy also occurs within people, sometimes there's a propensity to worry about someone you don't know about irl. Be wise you never know if it's emotional bait either.

That can align well with lunar dominance as an Achilles heel for it. Manipulation and baiting.

Solar dominance would also and more likely be aligned with influencers. Check out any youtube's chart and look to their sun for a basic run-down on how their internet influence looks. Heck, if you're thinking about your hypothetical brand, what's your sun sign? Look for that!

The achilles heel for the solar dominance? Power. More preferably: Absolute power. You'll see THAT with some political figures or influencers. Dogma. Lots of ego. Not knowing when to slow down.

In terms of zodiacal sign:

Leo, Sagittarius and Capricorn take top spot.

The Leo energy can apply to the solar dominance stuff as stated above. But it's also inclined to rule over beauty standards and lots of glitz and glam. Enhancing the need to be 'popular' online.

Sagittarius would make sense due to the nature of the internet being what I like to call "man's greatest philosophical experiment". Not to mention the fact that libraries do give sagittarius energy as a whole. Internet Archive being a perfect case.

Capricorn as the final taker would have to stand a good case for being a business oriented place. Meant to be a second-hand referral place to a business. Paper-free business cards anyone?

The Possibilities and Vibes (Good):

For Lunar dominance = I don't know why but, being at your relative's/friend's house during Christmas, working on a website at their place while drinking a hot cocoa in the evening with that soft vintage glow of the ceiling fan. It's a second home for your internal self. Your *Alter* ego.

Solar = Pinterest. Lots and lots and lots of 'art hoe' vibes. Yellow colors and sunflowers. The sunflower caseify case for an iPhone. Sunflower stickers for your Macintosh/PC/Laptop (whatever you use).

Leo = wholesome beauty influencers. And I MEAAN wholesome. They bring everyone up legitimately instead of bringing someone down using subversive tactics to make someone think they look ugly. It's the kind to be all about 'good vibes' and even adding in sentences like 'if_____ isn't for you, that's okay! here's some alternatives.' and they go off.

AND LASTLY for our great giant ruling signs, lots of friendship energy. Getting together to have fun. Christmas break energy once again. The internet is a refuge. A vacation from real life whilst also being a place to work and get stuff done. Made for higher learning and business.

In fact on that last point I made. If the little ones weren't on it, I'm pretty sure the respect people have for one another like they did back in the 90s would still exist. (part of the Post-Break energy I see)

The Possibilities and Vibes (Concerning):

Lunar = Propensity to the manipulation and baiting people go looking for or creating online. Mental illnesses. Too much awareness that leaves people thinking too much, therefore poor mental health.

Solar/Leo = Popularity/Clout, unchecked ego

Sagittarius/Capricorn = Ghosting energy. Unchecked power. Hard serves of karma. Hacking. Communicative issues (Sag opposes Gemini (debilitated mercury))

Date 2: Geocities + Yahoo

January 28th 1999

In terms of planets:

The moon seems to still have a hold when the geocities website was acquired by yahoo. So, same good and bad from the above statements on the internet itself.

Jupiter dominance seems to show more of a propensity to expand ones horizons mentally. It sort of aligns well with the past energies of Sagittarius (due to the ruling planet BEING Jupiter). So, because of that, websites and internet hubs that were formally in the grid of being on their own network, hence "geocities", then the acquirement via Yahoo is quite literally a Jupiterian move. Choosing to merge and expand horizons for online dwellers.

In terms of zodiac signs:

Aquarius takes the top spot. Very much adding onto the effect of how humanity can turn their own piece of the internet into a hub for their own niche group. Must this point be the start of forums? Most likely.

Taurus sets itself up to be the next dominant sign right after Aquarius. Which, for Yahoo at the time, this was a big financial win for them. A good move to boost revenue while the people gained a positive aspect to be seen by more people online. Increasing availability and access to the people.

The Possibilities and Vibes (Good):

Because we look back on that now with nostalgia, it brought up the influence of Fruitger Aero. Or at least was the catalyst of it back then. Aquarius' ruling color IS an ice blue while Taurus has the earthy green tones that add to the welcoming energy of this proto-2.0 internet.

Gen Z and Xennials happy place. Lowkey was more fun back then cause of it, right?

The Possibilities and Vibes (Concerning):

Aquarius does have some bits of edgy humor. Many sites that were dedicated to some people's internal lives were sorta... gothic and sometimes even a little uncanny to be fair. But that was the allure of the internet since we had respect for people's aesthetic decisions. Everyone's ma'am's and grams wanted in on it. And you ended up going in too cause you were curious.

It was sort of like how the boomers said 'the kids played in the 100 degree weather with a metal slide. but they grew up and did okay' kind of energy.

For older Gen Z's (20 & over btw (basically myself as well)) it might go a little something like this; 'we went on supposedly haunted websites, played grand theft auto on the '360 and played slenderman games as well as found adult party websites cause we thought we were cool for doing so. it was funny and sometimes still is today, but we grew up alright. Right? Some of us have gone off to college...." you can include the rest here. Go nuts as you wish.

Date 3: Neocities

June 28th 2013

In terms of planets:

Lunar dominance still has some sway. Same for Jupiter in close third. Take what's been said above about the conjoining and accessibility of Geocities and Yahoo as reference.

The biggest dog by far here has got to be Neptune. Because of the fact that at the time of this website coding hub's creation also coincided with the first ten degrees of the Neptune in Pisces transit, there's a lot of illusive and mysteriousness to the vibes of the Neo-y2k internet. Alt/indie-sites were much on the chagrin of the looks of proto-2.0, but have also been inclined to be inclusive and welcoming to all those that wish to be here. Increased sensitivity and overbearing energy. A 'don't hurt them they're small' energy.

In terms of signs:

Cancer and Pisces dominance.

Notice how this place doesn't subject you to push for anything other than a hub to kick back and relax in. Scour through the psyche of many people and learn what they're into. Not to mention this also acts as a place where people can ignite their 'alter-ego's once again.

There's no need to be a business here. This is all for hobbies and nigh else. Sometimes it can also work as a family blog. And that makes sense. It brings people together to show what kind of coding they can pull off.

The Possibilities and Vibes (Good):

Lunar/Jupiter/Cancer= A second place to call home returns. The Alter Ego can return. Respect comes back full front and center. The vibes of being around the Christmas tree or with the universal/generational/found family come back.

Neptune/Pisces = you can create... whatever your heart desires. Because the internet has expanded so rapidly over the years after the merger between yahoo and the former geocities, there's so many textures and designs out there for people to use and conceptualize. Truly a place to get creative without scrutiny.

The Possibilities and Vibes (Concerning):

Cancer/Pisces/Moon/Neptune= Due to the way that the world works now, it's tough to get into. It's not like Wix and with people tending to now procrastinate (because of the technology addictions we've been getting ourselves into), it's rather small and niche. Nothing is ever handed to you on a plate, and it shows in some of the sites that people take forever to master/decorate it due to how much their own personal life outside of their tech takes up.

Jupiter = ..... I will say this much about it.... I find no negativity here with this planet when it concerns the iffy vibes I get with Neocities. It's just the struggle of finding your feet here.

For the future of the internet:

Points to check:

Anything aspecting Neptune or wherever Neptune transits to. Online culture and pop culture follows

Jupiter for how information and higher thought processes are taken into account

The Moon for the drama and what/how people will be beefing about in the online space

My predictions (shortened):

BREAK (which seems more likely with all the rage being sent everywhere online and especially within comment sections in certain places):

Smaller sized networks. More individualistic networks. Like Neocities, Tumblr and Discord will gradually be flocked to.

Great decrease in social media by some generations. (If parents don't watch their time on social media, the kids won't either. be a good model is all I can say)

Greater emphasis on learning how to use the tools we're given (at least with the upcoming Jupiter in Gemini transit)

If there are kids online (17 and under, yes I'm calling that out), they're gonna be talked to about the dangers in being online. Communication on the digital space. Confidentiality being the big main issue. Figuring out what's real and what isn't. Separating yourself FROM the addiction before the brain fully develops.

If political content reigns somewhere, may it be 4chan forever and always. Reddit seems like an easy blame, but 4chan is most definitely the place for political slander and content.

Big names like X, Meta, Wix and Youtube for example are gonna be the center network. People will still do their content through there, but it's greater emphasis on business suggests children shouldn't be roaming there in the first place.

Your best case of kids on the internet would be on Edmodo. If you don't know what that is, look it up. I used to use it back in the day during my days in elementary school because they were experimenting with that sorta thing.

As always, take what resonates and I hope y'all's weekends go well.

Thank you for your time in reading the statistics and the ratings. I hope I made my mark well!

See you on the flip side!

~visiblenostalgia

[inamindfarfaraway]

I can’t believe I’m posting about Sonic Underground, but this is the Cringe App, so here are some random thoughts and headcanons:

Sonia has super strength parallel to Sonic’s super speed (Manic has no innate power, because life isn’t fair) and that should have been explored more. Like, outside of battle. Imagine all the training Lady Windimere must have put her through to act ladylike and demure and not accidentally break all the fragile expensive things around her. She casually carries her brothers and Bartleby all the time. Sometimes she squeezes them a little too hard when she hugs them. She reunites with Bartleby after a rough mission and effortlessly picks him, spins him around and throws him high into the air. She can arm-wrestle Knuckles as an equal. Someone else is working on a heavy robot or vehicle or something and Sonia is propping or holding it up for them. The van breaks down in a place they can’t stay in and she just sighs, tells her brothers to take out and carry everything they can, lifts the van over her head and starts walking. She grabs the scruff of Sonic’s neck with her fingers when he tries to run away to do something stupid and he runs in place, extremely annoyed. A very exasperated Cyrus tells her that she needs to stop hitting the door buttons so hard when she dramatically leaves after an argument (thank God the doors don’t have hinges to be ripped off of), because they can’t keep installing new ones. First Sonic wearing away the floors and heating the metal so much it could melt people’s shoes, now this? He does have a favourite triplet and it’s Manic. This isn’t the only reason, but it’s a big one.

Seriously, why didn’t the show remark more on how Manic doesn’t have a power? I guess his instrument giving him earth manipulation while the others just get lasers kinda makes up for it. Maybe super genes run in the royal family recessively. With all the stock episode plots they did, you’d think there’d be one where he felt inferior to his siblings for this reason and reaffirmed his worth by saving the day and rescuing them when they were both captured.

There really should have been a body swap episode. Here’s my pitch: tensions are running high between the siblings as they clash over their respective flaws and insecurities, when some magical shenanigans that tie into whatever Robotnik’s plan is switch their consciousnesses around. Sonic is in Manic’s body, Manic in Sonia’s and Sonia in Sonic's. Now, Sonia has been stressed lately feeling pressured to be the mature, responsible one and, with so much steam to let off, finds herself slipping into Sonic’s recklessness, impulsivity and cockiness. She can literally outrun all her problems… or so she thinks. The speed is liberating and intoxicating. Meanwhile, Manic, who was giving her shit at the start, realizes how much restraint Sonia needs to exercise to not cause more trouble than she fixes with her strength and that, while it definitely makes some things easier, having a superpower isn’t a cure-all and requires rules in itself. He gains a greater respect and appreciation for her, which enables him to remind her of the value of responsibility and caution when she runs off the deep end. Sonic absolutely hates not having any extraordinary abilities. At first his siblings think he’s just cranky because he can’t do awesome tricks anymore and has to have a normal person’s amount of patience. Averse to vulnerability as he is, he pretends that that’s the extent of it; but as his complaints shift from whining to self-abuse, it turns out that he can’t stand feeling this helpless. He’s never been this incapable before. It hurts. It takes him right back to the worst moments of his life, when he wasn’t fast enough to save his parents and uncle. Now he isn’t fast enough to save anyone. Keeping the cycle of empathy going after Manic talks her down, Sonia reflects on how amazing her new speed feels and what having had that power her whole life might have done to her self-esteem. She tells Sonic that his speed and usefulness don’t define him or his worth, and it’s okay to fail, need to go slow, make mistakes and have things that are just beyond you. Everyone does. She’s made some big mistakes herself just that day! What matters is the strengths you do have and how you use them. He’s done so much good, for all his flaws, and she and Manic love every part of him. Inspired, Sonic ultimately defeats Robotnik using his intelligence and leadership skills, with both his siblings using their new powers effectively and wisely to make the plan work. Once they switch back, they get in a similar unfortunate situation to the one that pushed their stress to the tipping point in the beginning, only now they take it in stride and deal with it together. Who am I kidding, the show wouldn’t have gone into that much character analysis and emotional depth. That’s why we need fanfiction.

Sonia has had a five-star privileged education; however, she must also unlearn all Robotnik’s propaganda and lies. Sonic has had a less thorough education, but presumably still a pretty good one and without any of the propaganda from moving in with Uncle Chuck onward. Manic has never been to school a day in his life. Think of the comedy you could get out of this arrangement. But also, is Manic illiterate? His reading and writing are probably significantly poorer than the others’, right? I headcanon he’s secretly insecure about his lack of formal education and occasionally teases Sonia for her “nerdy” advanced knowledge and makes fun of her when she doesn’t know something, in an effort to bring her down to his level.

Uncle Chuck is the triplets’ father’s brother, not of royal blood. My headcanon is that after Robotnik killed the king during the takeover, he agreed to go into hiding and cut ties with Aleena. He didn’t plan to have a role in her children’s lives until the Time arrived, but he wound up near enough Sonic’s home to visit and couldn’t stay away. He fondly told Sonic a great deal about life before Robotnik ruined everything and his birth parents, carefully omitting that they were the king and queen of course.

Sonic and Manic love to hear Mindy and Bartleby’s stories about Sonia before they met her. Though they are sad that the people who could tell such stories about them are all roboticized, so unless until a deroboticizer is invented there are parts of their early lives they don’t remember or fully understand that can simply never be told. In general, seeing Sonia with her old friends makes them feel Big Feelings. They’re glad one of them still has people from before in their life, but… it stings.

Where? Was the triplets’ grief?? Over their parents and guardians??? Where were the bonding moments about it? Where were the reminiscing scenes and Sonic explaining how he lost his old family twice and had to watch the first time? Where were the dramatic, heartwrenching confrontations with the roboticized guardians? FANFICS I NEED YOU

Manic likes to tinker with machinery when he’s bored, anxious, frustrated, guilty or even excited. Basically, he reaches a significant intensity of emotion and gets out the tools. He’s a fidgeter in general and always doing something with his hands - why do you think Farrell supported his impractical, attention-drawing hobby of drumming? A deroboticizor is a top priority ongoing project in the Resistance and if he’s in a really bad mental state, especially if he’s missing his dad, he can probably be found working tirelessly on one of the prototypes. Sleep, hunger, other people, the passage of time all mean nothing to him in that state. Sonic is the best at snapping him out of it because swap engineering with running and vigilantism and he essentially has the same coping mechanism, so he gets it in a way Sonia can’t. However, the sign that the hyperactive brothers are completely crushed and hopeless is that they lose their energy and motivation. If they’re notably still, slow and restrained in movement, they are Not Okay.

Sonia’s contrasting coping mechanism is to distract herself and her support system from her feelings with others’ business. That can manifest as criticizing someone else (constructively or destructively), wanting details on some aspect of their life, stoking drama and gossiping about them, or trying to fix their problems and/or make them open up about their issues. The last one is increasingly common since embarking on her character development. She’s always been a social butterfly and was a duck in water in the social perception, awareness and shrewdness-centric culture of the upper class; genuinely loves using those skills to help people so this is still in character on a good day; and is so at best charismatic and at worst overbearing that she can easily make you worry more about whatever she’s latched onto as a diversion, whether you agree with her stance on it or not. It takes a trained eye to catch when she’s actually neglecting herself. An indicator is that if her drive is the subconscious desire to avoid confronting her own feelings, she’ll be or become over time less tactful, patient and respectful of boundaries than usual, or resort to pettier topics in her desperation. Her brothers are the best at telling these behaviours apart from her healthy altruism and harmless theatrics and making her talk.

The medallions are royal family heirlooms. The rare, potent magical crystal they were carved from was a primary resource of Mobotropolis and the reason the capital was built there, their clean energy used for rapid magical/technological advancement that brought huge prosperity to Mobius, hence the paradise it was pre-Robotnik. Shards of them were incorporated in many royal regalia pieces. Through past political upheavals, disasters and thefts, most of the ornamental fragments have been lost. The medallions were made relatively recently to celebrate the dawn of a new golden age of art and culture; music was a key part of Mobian culture, so it was symbolically very fitting to give the rulers and protectors of the people instruments and weapons in one. It represented the ideal that they should give as much as they were able to take - even if they took up arms, they would at the same time have to preserve the life and spirit of Mobius through playing music. Hopefully that would tether them to their conscience. Plus, what’s more gloriously badass for a monarch than defeating your enemy by playing a rock cover of your national anthem? Robotnik’s relentless mining extracted the last of this precious resource years ago. He forgot the sustainable methods his predecessors used to harness the magic indefinitely because he can’t be bothered to understand magic, so he’s exhausted the power of every existing piece of the crystal besides the three medallions that have remained out of his grasp. He keeps trying to synthesize it, but you can’t synthesize ✨magic.✨ The sudden decline and loss of a longstanding reliable power source has made everyone reliant on Robotnik’s dirty energy. When the royal family retake their thrones, the medallions can either be given up and used to power Mobius or the very similar Chaos Emeralds used instead upon relearning the magic crystal energy harnessing techniques. Wouldn’t it be cool if discovering the Chaos Emeralds or recovering them from Robotnik was what turned the tide of the war? Sonic, Manic and Sonia going super and defeating Robotnik once and for all? Yes, yes it would.

Sonia is the oldest. Manic is the youngest. Sonic, as in the movies, is the middle child. Sonic and Sonia believe their birth order is important and she will never stop lording it over him, since before they got ahold of their birth certificates he’d assumed he was the oldest. Manic doesn’t care and wishes they would drop it.

Having been eager to help his uncle around the house and then needing to pull his weight in the Resistance, Sonic is a reliably good cook. He likes to learn more whenever he has the resources and time to experiment. Manic had no technical skills initially, not having had a kitchen and all, but is learning quickly under Sonic’s tutelage and has the sheer ingenuity to make a meal out of pretty much anything. Sonia can’t cook for shit. Sonic won’t give up on trying to teach her… but he’s certainly been tempted.

Sonic is afraid of fire due to the trauma of watching his old home burn down when he lost his parents (I put him at eight at the time, like Batman, and so he spends an almost equal number of years with his adoptive family and Uncle Chuck if he’s fifteen in the show). The smell of Sonia burning toast is enough to trigger flashbacks. Once Robotnik trapped the siblings in a burning building and he just froze, overwhelmed with terror; Sonia had to carry him to safety like a firefighter.

Follow-up with Tails.

[alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice]

The Star King’s Labyrinth Part 1

part 2, part 3

As promised, here is part one of my Dragon Prince/Labyrinth mashup fic. Aaravos is in the role of the lovely Goblin Elf king, and my OC Lyra is the lucky poor unfortunate human to be whisked away. The plot of this fic will largely mirror that of the original Labyrinth, but I went ahead and changed a bunch of things. For one, I spent longer on exposition than the movie did. (In which we will see professors Viren and Opeli - which made me wonder if people in The Dragon Prince have last names?)

Rated T on AO3 because cursing. 

Tagging: @psijics​ and @king-bito​ (since you were the first I mentioned this idea to I figured you’d want to see I did the thing)

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged for future parts!

~~~

Lyra was already stressed after her physics class earlier that day. She knew Professor Viren strict, but she had no idea it was this bad.

“I have made myself clear in the past, no late work is accepted in my class,” the physics professor said, not even looking up from the work on his desk.

“I’m not asking for credit; I’ll accept the zero. I just want to be able to do the online assignment to make sure I learn the material,” Lyra explained. She needed to master her understanding of gyroscopes to move on to future material, but the online problems were closed the moment the due date hit, and she could not even check her answers. “Please, I was sick. There was only so much schoolwork I could do before the cold medicine knocked me out.”

Professor Viren shot her a withering look from overtop his glasses. “Then perhaps you should have worked on this material earlier so getting sick wouldn’t have been a problem. If you want to succeed, you have to prepare in advance in case of these things.”

Lyra gritted her teeth, wanting to say something like “Since it’s clearly been a while since your student days, maybe you’ve forgotten how hard it is to keep your head above water in the day to day work.” Or maybe even something like, “I know they had only just accepted the heliocentric model when you were in school, but we modern day students have a lot more to cover, so some fucking basic empathy would be appreciated you pretentious asshole.” She held her tongue, only muttering to herself once out of his office, “it’s just not fair.”

At least she had multivariable calc afterwards. It was always entertaining if they went over something with applications in physics, because then they would witness one of Professor Opeli’s legendary anti-physicist rants. “You do not need to understand the underlying concepts. In fact, you’re probably better off not trying to. You just have to do the math and you’ll sail right through the classes. Don’t even bother with physics professors, they’re virtually useless.” she said once. A student said that Professor Viren would probably be offended to hear that.

Professor Opeli simply gestured to her stony expression. “Does this look like the face of a woman who cares what he thinks?”

Any good feelings Lyra had towards Professor Opeli were immediately dissipated once she decided to assign extra work for the fall break. It’s so unfair! Do these people not understand the concept of a break? Lyra wondered. 

The answer, of course, is “yes,” but college professors do not see days off from school as breaks, but more as lost time that must be made up.

Lyra, a fool that did not yet know that expectation is the root of all heartache, had set her hopes on a relaxing trip home for the four-day weekend. She wanted to go to the pumpkin patch and catch up on some reading while drinking hot apple cider. At the rate she was getting homework assigned, it appeared that she would be lucky to get the cider as a comforting treat while she worked.

At least her parents would help her with laundry and meals… she hoped.

But, as we have already established, Lyra was one to set her hopes too high. Her mother had forgotten that her daughter was coming home that weekend and had booked a gig that would require her and Lyra’s father to travel out of town for the weekend. “At least the dog doesn’t have to go in the kennel now,” Lyra’s mother said over the phone.

“Yeah, so on top of all the stress I’m under, I can also spend the weekend picking up dog shit,” is what Lyra wanted to say. Out loud, she said, “yeah it’ll be nice to cuddle with him this weekend.” Which, she supposed, was true. At least she had a furry companion to help ease her stress levels.

After a two-hour drive Thursday night, Lyra decided she could afford the rest of the evening to relax in the empty house. After taking Orpheus the labradoodle out to do his business, she made herself a cup of hot chocolate and curled up with a fantasy romance novel. It was extremely cliché and an easy read – by no means a great literary work – just how Lyra liked it.

It had just enough spooky elements in it to feel suited to the season too, a gothic vampire romance. The heroine rescued by a creature of the night and taken back to his castle (never mind that there were not castles just laying around in colonial United States, where the tale takes place).

Still, Lyra could not completely keep her mind on the story for her stress. She was already considering what online resources she would have to practice with since Professor Viren had such a stick up his ass that he couldn’t even leave the practice problems open to the students. Khan Academy maybe? It was invaluable in her high school days. Did they have college level coursework on there? How would her grades survive if she couldn’t learn this?

Lyra sighed, trying to turn her attention back to the fantasy world in hand. This was supposed to be her one chance to relax and she was not about to waste it. She reached for her mug only to discover the greatest of all tragedies: her hot cocoa had gone cold, and the marshmallows melted into a sticky inconvenience around the rim. Setting the mug back on the coaster, Lyra groaned. Orpheus, awoken from his nap on the floor by the noise, trotted over to Lyra, apparently deciding he needed belly rubs.

Lyra obliged him, making room for him to curl up next to her on the couch. Of course, despite his size, Orpheus was under the impression he was a lap dog, and there had to be careful maneuvering for Lyra to get some semblance of comfort once he decided she was his new bed.

Cuddling her dog had always been comforting in the past, but it was not long before Lyra wondered about her future, and she could fell the loneliness creeping in sitting in the otherwise uninhabited house. She couldn’t blame school stress for her inability to enjoy that moment, now could she? Why could she not enjoy what moments of rest she had? How was that fair?

Lyra could not deny that her grades were falling apart, and she wasn’t even sure that astrophysics was what she should pursue, but if she was not an academic, what was she? What else did she have going for her in this world after devoting her life since elementary school to good grades and academic success? Despite being a junior, she lacked any social connections that lasted more than a few months. Friendships were hard. She could never really figure out where she stood with people, always being as accommodating and friendly as possible to be safe. After the fact she always worried she came across as clingy, which would set the whole cycle of isolation over again.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just run away from all of it?” Lyra mused aloud as she rubbed Orpheus’s ears. He did not respond, since he was a dog, and this isn’t the kind of story where animals start talking out of nowhere. “I guess that’s what I was hoping to accomplish by coming home this weekend, but my problems followed me here.” She inspected the art on the cover of the cheap paperback. “I want a castle. No, not a castle, I just want to run away somewhere that my problems don’t follow me. Where hot cocoa doesn’t get cold and gross and I don’t have to deal with stuck up professors and unreasonable deadlines.”

Lyra leaned back on the sofa, throwing her head back to look to the ceiling. She was not often one to talk to herself aloud, but perhaps it was the need to fill the empty space that made her voice her lamentations. Maybe some part of her, an instinctual part left over from the days when humans had to evade large predators, knew she was not really alone, that someone was listening in.

“I just wish I could leave this world altogether,” Lyra shouted to the (seemingly) empty room.

All the lights in the house flickered for a moment, then went dark, the only light coming from the streetlamps and moon outside. “It is my pleasure to grant your wish, Lyra,” replied a voice from the shadows.

Lyra leapt off the couch in alarm, spinning around to see where the intruder was. From what she could see, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Orpheus confirmed for her that something was wrong, raising his hackles and growling softly. Lyra grabbed a nearby decorative candlestick as an improvised weapon for self-defense. “Who’s there?”

There was no answer in any sort of verbal language, but Lyra felt an instinctual pull towards the entryway of the house. She crept along cautiously, Orpheus keeping close by her. She gave him a soft pat on his head as thanks for his loyalty.

In the entryway, across from the coat closet, was a small end table where keys and other assorted odds-and-ends were kept, with a mirror above it to check one’s appearance before leaving. As Lyra approached, she saw a figure in the mirror alongside her own reflection that became clearer bit by bit, as if emerging from fog.

She knew she had to be going insane at that point. The first thing she noticed about the figure in the mirror was that he was purple with silver freckles across his skin. Then his horns, curving against a head of silver-white hair, became clear through the mist, and Lyra wondered if she was dealing with some sort of demon. The sclera of his eyes was black, and his irises were golden and almost glowed in the dim light. Those eyes carried, like the rest of the figure, a frightening sort of beauty, like lightning that strikes a little too close for comfort.

In the mirror, the strange figure stood next to Lyra wrapped in a black cloak with gold trim. Whatever he was… he certainly was not human. Against perhaps her better judgment, Lyra reached out to touch the glass of the mirror in disbelief of what she was seeing. The figure glanced down to where Lyra’s hand met her reflection and smirked.

The person in the mirror reached forward, and Lyra saw a sparkling violet hand reach out to touch hers on her side of the mirror. She screamed and whirled around, swinging the candlestick. The stranger caught her by her wrist, seeming only mildly annoyed at most.

“Is that any way to greet the one that just granted your heart’s desire?” the stranger asks, with a deep baritone voice like honey.

“Granted… what?” Lyra sputtered, taking a moment to find her voice, and managing to wrench back her wrist from his grip in the process. Lyra realized that at some point in her shock, Orpheus had disappeared. So much for a loyal companion. She took a cautious step back from the very strange man in her house, finally settling on one question to start: “Who the fuck are you?”

The man took Lyra’s hand, bowing and placing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. She tried to ignore the fluttering of her heart at the gallant gesture. “I am Aaravos, king of this realm. You wished to leave your world, so I brought you here.” He stood, snapping his fingers, and the walls dissipated like mist, leaving the two of them standing in a twilit forest.

Lyra looked around, taking in the ethereal surroundings: the lights like tiny multicolored stars hanging in the branches, and the floating bits of stardust around them. They stood on a hillside, and in the distance, atop another hill, a gleaming castle with impossibly tall and spiraling spires reached into the night sky. Surrounding it in the valley below was a labyrinth so large and twisted it could rival Greek myth.

“And… where is here?”

Aaravos leaned against a nearby tree that bended and curved upon his approach to something more comfortable to rest against. “This was once a realm that served as a prison, but those that sent me here underestimated my power and my ability to mold this world into something more suitable. These days, I find I prefer my new home to the one that banished me. You would be advised to stay close to me, and I can help you avoid the areas that still serve as places of torment.”

“Torment??” Lyra laughed, a tense and nervous sound that grated even on her own ears. “This is just a weird dream. I fell asleep on the couch and I will wake up any minute now… right? Right? I just… I want to go home.”

Aaravos’s face scrunched up in confusion, and a darkness took hold of his gaze as he stalked toward her. “Not five minutes ago, you wished to leave your home. I have graciously granted your wish, and now you would rudely refuse my gift to you?”

Lyra gulped, debating whether she should appease this being with an apology, or whether she should try to reason with him and defend her right to go home. When looking up into the face of this man that radiated dangerous power, Lyra’s sense of self-preservation demanded she choose the former. “I’m sorry,” she said, voice quiet and shaky, “I did not mean to offend.”

Aaravos smiled, reaching up to brush his fingers along Lyra’s cheek. The sweet caress made her shiver, though she was not sure if it was from fear or… something else. “Nothing in this world or any other, dear Lyra, is truly free. I will admit I had an ulterior motive for bringing you here.”

Lyra sucked in a deep breath, staring up at Aaravos with as much courage as she could muster. “And what was that, exactly?”

Aaravos grinned. “I am terribly bored, and you little humans are so interesting.” He took a lock of Lyra’s dark hair that had fallen from her bun and twirled it around a finger. “I could get a lifetime’s worth of entertainment just watching how you react to magic that is so commonplace for me. Do you really wish to go back to your dull human world with your deadlines and lonely nights? Reading books about magical adventures instead of having your own?”

Lyra hesitated, tempted by the offer... but it all sounded too good to be true. There had to be another catch, and she knew she could not trust this Aaravos to be transparent. Besides, as frustrating as it was at times, she loved her studies. She loved her family and her dog and she could not give that up forever. “Please, let me go back. I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted to leave. I was just frustrated. Let me go, please.”

Aaravos sighed melodramatically. “Oh, if you insist… I suppose I shall have to amuse myself some other way.”

Lyra almost laughed in relief. She began to say her thanks, but Aaravos cut her off with a look that carried a sadistic glee to it. “Let’s play a game, then,” he said, his tone sharp and without any of the softness it carried moment before. With a wave of his hand, a clock floated above his palm. “I will give you thirteen hours. If, in that time, you can make it through that labyrinth to my castle, I will send you home. If not, you will stay here forever.” With a snap of his fingers, the second hand on the clock began ticking.

“Wait!” Lyra cried, “I never agreed to that! What kind of deal is that?”

Aaravos cocked a snowy white eyebrow. “You seem to be under the impression, little star, that I was asking your permission. No. I have simply informed you of your current predicament. If you wish to return home so badly, I suggest you get moving. After all,” he gestured to the floating clock with a nod of his head, “the clock is ticking.”

In a flash of blinding white, Aaravos disappeared, and Lyra was no longer on the hilltop, but staring at an elegantly carved stone archway possibly thirty feet tall. She stomped her foot and shook her fist at the sky. “YOU BASTARD,” she screamed, “That’s not fair!”

Left with no other option, Lyra stepped through the archway into the labyrinth.

A/N: Opeli’s disdain towards physics professors is based off an actual calc professor I had. The physics and calc professors I had that semester talked shit about each other and their departments. It was great.

Lyra is a college student because an immortal elf hitting on a 21-year-old is less creepy than one hitting on a 16-year-old. In her original universe, Lyra’s parents were bards, so I decided to leave them as vague performers/musicians in the modern world. 

[charliejrogers]

The Hate U Give

I change my phone background to a particular movie's poster every time I see a movie that really floors me. As of yesterday, The Hate U Give has unseated Avengers: Endgame for space on my phone after its nearly 15-month reign.

This is a must-watch movie for anyone who is struggling to make sense of the current protests across America and their fight for people to recognize the injustices facing Black Americans. It’s a film that teaches without being preachy. It moves emotions without feeling manipulative. It tackles difficult questions about race, the role of the police in perpetuating Blacks’ oppression, and white people’s complacency in that oppression, in a thought-provoking manner, that still effectively argues for its own point of view.

Much of this success has to do with how the movie grounds itself within the point of view of Starr Carter (and don’t ask her why there are two “R’s”!), a 17-year old Black girl who attends an elite, nearly all-white private school, who is conscious of the fact that she needs to “act white” at school so that no one treats her like she’s from “the hood.” But, she is from “the hood.” She lives in Garden Heights, a fictional neighborhood of an unnamed American city, which is predominantly Black and run by a local gang, the King Lords. It’s a neighborhood devoid of real opportunity, so much of its youth turn to the gang as the only chance to make something of themselves. It’s a world her father used to be a part of, but after a stint in prison he has sworn off completely, agreeing with Starr’s mother to make sure their children have the opportunities to get out of Garden Heights. But, still, it’s important to Starr’s father, and for Starr as well, to not pretend that their people don’t live in Garden Heights. It’s the kind of complex relationship between white and Black America that isn’t often shown on screen.

And so our protagonist Starr, played incredibly well by Amandla Stenberg, lives something of a double life. The moment she arrives at school, she takes off her hoodie and never uses slang. But back home, none of her white friends are ever getting an invite to hang. She’s spending her weekends at parties in Garden Heights. Starr moves well in both circles, but at the beginning of the film doesn’t fully fit in with either. Her best friend in Garden Heights wants to start a fight with another girl for creeping up on her man and asks for Starr’s help which she feels is all but guaranteed within her understanding of friendship, something echoed by others in Garden Heights. But Starr doesn’t want to jeopardize her standing with her school by getting into a fight and causing too much controversy. Meanwhile, at school, her relationship with a white boy draws disapproving stares from nearly every passerby.

Starr is a wonderful character, and one of the more memorable on-screen characters I have seen in recent memory. She is wise beyond her years, but not incapable of having a good time. And Stenberg does a fantastic job of bringing her to life, granting her an infectious smile and laugh, as well as a righteous anger when faced with the sudden death of her longtime best friend and crush by a police officer in a traffic stop gone wrong. This movie may be fiction, but the movie hardly takes place in a fantasy world.

And it’s that interaction that serves as the film’s catalyst to greatness. Prior to it, it’s an interesting movie in its own right, chronicling a Black girl’s struggles in navigating her two lives. But it quickly transforms into something more engaging. Starr is in the passenger seat when the cop murders her friend Khalil, and is therefore the lone witness to the event. No longer can she afford to sit by idly and keep her two worlds separate. People at school will really know “who she is,” and Starr will have to make the unfair choice of whether to disrupt her comfortable existence in order to bring about justice for her dear friend Khalil.

A word should be said about the magic of Khalil, played by Algee Smith. His time on-screen cannot be more than 10 minutes, but his charisma, and in particular his chemistry with Starr is pitch-perfect, capturing the feeling of two childhood friends realizing there may be something more to their friendship. And this is crucial, because if the scenes and the performances that introduce Khalil weren’t so on-point, the film would lose a little of its power and motivation as it focuses from here on out on achieving his justice.

I want to be clear, though, and say that Khalil deserves justice because he was unjustly murdered, regardless of whether he has charisma or not. What I’m saying is that the film quickly introduces us to Khalil, shows us what kind of person he is and what he means to Starr, allowing us to feel a fraction of Starr’s pain and keep us anchored to her point-of-view even as the movie continues to puts roadblocks in her way.

Many of these roadblocks take the form of people vying to convince Starr to embrace their point of view, and I think it is here that the film rises above others in its attempt to take on issues of race. It doesn’t shy away from opposing arguments; it forces its character into creating a dialogue. And each side gets a fair shake, the movie refusing to just prop up straw men. It helps that it’s a rock solid cast. Common shines as Starr’s uncle who is a police himself and tries to justify from his POV why black men keep getting shot. The local gang kingpin is played intimidatingly by Anthony Mackie who sheds all signs of friendliness from the MCU, and he posits another philosophy: one of forgetting and moving on, that Khalil’s death is unfortunate but it’s bad for business to rock the boat. Starr’s own mother, a fantastic Regina Hall, pushes Starr to think about her future and that the attention the incident would bring her if she speaks up might overwhelm her. And then there’s her father, Maverick “Mav” Carter, played by the imposing gentle giant Russell Hornsby, who encourages Starr to let the light of her truth shine forth.

Yes, the conflict between Starr and the local gang might be a little over-dramatic, and the film’s ending and how it addresses the movie’s titular theme, “T.H.U.G.L.I.F.E.” (The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody) might be a little too on-the-nose, but a film this thoughtful and this smart is certainly not bogged down by such little squabbles. For white people in particular, it highlights our own role in perpetuating this cycle. Our general propensity towards defending cops, our inability to see Black people as anything other than “one of us” or “hood,” how our media will spin these stories to highlight the victim’s past misdeeds even though it's unrelated to their present murder, and our love for maintaining the status quo. It’s a tough film to watch, but carried on the back of Stenberg’s incredible performance, it is one that highlights film’s important role as an empathy machine, as Roger Ebert called it. The Hate U Give is one for the ages, and one everyone who has questions about the BLM movement should watch.

**** (Four Stars out of Four) - An Instant Classic

[myrtleinfertile-blog]

Infertility and Ectopic Pregnancy: Head-to-Head

There once was a very dedicated biologist who quite purposely allowed wasps and ants and hornets to sting the shit out of him. Only as a scientist could, he then painstakingly (ha!) quantified each and provided the various stings with a qualifying description. About a thousand stings later, and we now have Schmidt Sting Pain Index. On this index, Schmidt rated the sting of the Bullet Ant (Paraponera clavata) as a 4-plus and described the sting as "pure, intense, brilliant pain...like walking over flaming charcoal with a three-inch nail embedded in your heel." Also a 4 on the scale, the Tarantula Hawk (Pepsis spp) caused pain that was "Blinding, fierce [and] shockingly electric. A running hair dryer has been dropped into your bubble bath”. As Schmidt can attest, not all pain is created equal.

And as it goes with the pain inflicted by infertility and pregnancy loss. Both cruel and fierce, but different. And just as Schmidt’s pain scale had an ultimate “victor” (the Warrior Wasp, in case you were wondering), I believe Infertility nudges out Ectopic Pregnancy on my own personal pain scale.

To start, preceding my ectopic pregnancy was one absolutely blissful and glorious week where every day I witnessed two lines appear on my home pregnancy tests. In fact, I handed over a bag of seven positive pregnancy tests to my husband, who burst into relieved tears. All was right in the world. The depression of infertility instantly lifted. I felt whole and complete and like all the struggle had been absolutely worth it. When hope has slipped out of your life, its return is transcendent. 

Sure...then I endured crippling abdominal pain, an ambulance ride to the ER, weeks of intense monitoring and stress, ultimately two huge injections of chemotherapy drugs to “resolve” my pregnancy, yada yada yada...Cruel? Sure. But when I felt like I’d been submerged in a cold and crushing darkness for years, and was finally allowed to bring my face above the murky water and feel the radiant sunshine on my cheeks, the gift of hope that came with that ectopic pregnancy made the pain endurable.

Not to mention, the outpouring of love and support. Friends came out of woodwork to check in, my work was very accommodating, and the intensity of the crisis brought my husband and I closer together. Our pain was validated by society and it did not feel like we were enduring alone.

Strangely, on the day my HCG test revealed my pregnancy was “resolved” and I officially was no longer existing in the life-threatening limbo of potential rupture, that familiar darkness began to fill me up like smoke. Loved ones would soon be celebrating that I had survived this horrific ordeal, while I was left starring back into the darkness of infertility, alone. 

And that is where I stand now. Alone. Full of disenfranchised grief and sadness. Infertility has bestowed the gift of crippling depression and anxiety. 

There is so much that stands in the way of the support I need to have any semblance of a normal healthy life right now. A literal three month waiting list to see a therapist through my health network not the least of them all. A dash of mental illness, a sprinkle of reproductive “dysfunction”, and (God-forbid) a cup of negative sans-optimistic feelings and emotions, and you’ve got a recipe for a taboo, stigmatized issue. If you cast your line out hoping to snag some support, you may end up with a hook full of slimy well-meaning “advice”, or possibly even some carnivorous creature eager to latch down right on your butt. Plus, aren’t we supposed to keep all our pregnancy hope and dream cards close to our chest until week 13 of our pregnancy? I wouldn’t know about that since my mother-in-law began tracking my menstrual cycle and eventually my family needed to be made aware that I was receiving treatment for a life-threatening  pregnancy...but I digress. 

I think what tips the pain scales toward infertility is the fact that it is a chronic, ongoing condition. I found major reassurance amidst the traumatization of my ectopic pregnancy knowing that the whole thing would be over in the matter of a month or two. Sure, one way the pain could end is with blood spilling into my abdomen, bringing with it a chance of death. Still counts as one way it’d be over! [May I introduce you to the morbidly dark humor that serves as my confidant during these troubled times]. Infertility, however, may literally never be over. It may steal my ability to have children during my child-bearing years, then stick around as my ugly shadow until I am old and gray. I have a couple of family members that live with chronic medical disorders. I have observed the cruel empathy-zapping attitudes that are born naturally out of the uncertainty and endless nature of chronic illness, when your loved one can’t just “get over it”. It is as though our human psyche isn’t programmed to handle comforting a pain that has no end. We are hardwired to bring over the casserole after someone dies, to make time to visit after a major surgery or to check in to hear about the progress of recovery after a car accident. It’s not like you can send over get-well flowers every month, um...forever. And maybe with infertility, since our society (including healthcare, and employers, and media, and even politics) has labeled parenthood a “choice” versus a “need”, peeps quietly and unconsciously may be thinking infertility is my choice. Perhaps patience is made even more thin for that reason.

I wonder, too, if people underestimate the suffering infertility causes. A Harvard Medical School study claims infertility diagnosis invokes the same degree of anxiety and depression associated with a cancer diagnosis. Though I’ve heard people who love me say things like “making them is the funnest part of having kids!” and “sounds like it is time for you to drink some wine, relax, and stop trying because that is when it will happen”. Since my friend group could staff a football team with their progeny, they probably can’t really truly imagine it may not happen for us. How could something that was so fun and easy possibly evoke feelings of sorrow, hopelessness and helplessness? Like life has be stripped of its purpose?

Ectopic Pregnancy (eccysis): Pain rating 4. Burning, white-hot and wrenching. Sloshing battery acid around the inside of your lower abdomen. Someone pulling the plug out of the bathtub letting your dreams of the future slowly spin down the drain. 

Primary Infertility (infecunditatem): Pain rating 4+. Chronic suffering and worsening darkness. See DSM-5 for depression and anxiety. Slow erosion of relationships, mental health, physical health, finances and sense of purpose on this planet. You’ve invited the dementors from Harry Potter over for game night, but they have taken up permanent residency in your home. 

So yeah, head-to-head, Infertility takes the title in this twisted contest. 

[wellneeded-music]

But I’m done

I used to drink you like liquor—knew you were bad for me, but

I’d rather swim in the poison and let it run through my blood

You cut me down just to build me up when there’s something you need

‘Cause when the lows are the lowest, the highs feel way more supreme

You told me you’d never do me like anyone in your past

I was drinking the Kool-Aid and you kept filling the glass

Told me ’bout how I helped you, thought your new outlook could last

But you’re too stuck in a cycle, I know you’ll always relapse

But I really fought for you, ripped myself apart for you

Look at what I offered you, but it ain’t enough for you, I’m done with you

I’m running through these memories and I don’t understand

How anyone could value chaos over what we had

It’s not the deed, it’s the lying that done really f----- me up

And you got brand new friends so you can spin the story all you want

And you got that new relationship ’cause you can’t be alone

‘Cause when you are, the lies are lifted and the truth is hard to own

I don’t know if you’ll ever fix yourself

But all I know is I’m done tryna help

I gave my all to catch you when you fall

But I’m done, I’m done

Can’t watch you fall apart

I know you waited for this, no, you just couldn’t resist

Telling me to move on, but I know you wanted the diss

You’re someone in my heart, I’m just someone on your list

You take kindness for weakness and use it long as it sits

When I finally asked for respect, that’s when you were onto the next

‘Cause empathy ain’t a capacity you hold in your chest

You think, ’cause people hurt you, you should hurt others to even score

If I had a time machine, I would travel to times before

I would knock the lights out anyone before they did you wrong

‘Cause if I did, don’t think I’d ever have to go and write this song

I don’t know if you’ll ever fix yourself

But all I know is I’m done tryna help

I gave my all to catch you when you fall

But I’m done, I’m done

Can’t watch you fall apart

But I’m done

But I’m done

But I’m done, I’m done

Can’t watch you fall apart

[tyrantdk]

Would I lie to you Ch 5

So, this gets me caught up to what I have posted on AO3. This ride’s gonna get a lot more crazy and wild. I hope you’ll stick with me, everyone!

Minkah- name meaning justice

There’s a procedure Isis uses on Atem in the last scene. It is a real procedure used in ancient Egypt. I’m trying to keep this as accurate as I can.

Yugi glanced over at Atem as they stood before the entryway of the palace’s main hall. Both were dressed in blue, the only other color was his tail and the scarlet cloak. It brought a sad smile to his face to see his wedding gift clasped around his shoulders. He leaned over to nuzzle his mate’s cheek. Atem turned into the gesture, pressing his forehead against his husband’s. He wrapped him in his arms.

“Are you alright, Treasure? You don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to. I shall fry anyone who tells you otherwise.”

“I appreciate your words, my dragon. I owe it to Olufemi. She would have wanted the people to know of her passing and our union. Father raised us to think of Egypt before ourselves. He said one could only be a worthy Per’a’ah when one puts the people over oneself.” Yugi kissed him lightly. “Having you beside me makes me feel much calmer. I can do this, with you here.”

“I am not going anywhere, Atem. We are a mated pair; a dragon-god and his Per’a’ah. My place is at your side, as your place is at mine. We will weather this together.”

“I love you, Meri-I. You are breath taking today.” Yugi smiled as he leaned closer. He could steal a few more minutes with his mate.

“I love you, Koibito. You are the breath that gives me life. It is time.” Reluctantly, they released each other from their hold. The gates opened, people flooding the wide courtyard. Atem held his arm to Yugi, who laid his on top. He angled his hand so that it could be held by his mate. “When you are ready, my treasure.” The pair moved as one to the beginning of the steps leading to courtyard. The people cheered at the sight of their Per’a’ah.

“Good morn to you, our people.” Atem’s greeting was returned a thousand fold. It amazed Yugi. “We have glad tidings to bring, along with grief. Our joyful news is that we have wed! Beside us is our Prince-Consort, our god-dragon, Usire. He has blessed us with his hand. With our union, has come the end of the drought. The rain shall be plentiful as long as our consort desires.” Yugi’s smile grew large as the crowd roared. His tail wagged behind him. Children watched him in wonder because of it. He lifted a hand.

“I vow to be as faithful to you as my mate is. I will support Per’a’ah to the best of my ability. I will not abandon you. As you can see the palace is in mourning. Princess Olufemi was stolen from us not long ago. We ask for your indulgence while we mourn. This is a great blow to us, and we will find the one responsible for her death.” Beside him, his mate’s lip quivered almost unnoticeably. Yugi turned from the crowd. He cupped Atem’s face and brought him close. “If you need to cry, cry. No one will think any different of you.”

He broke. Atem’s arms wrapped vice like around him. He’d been trying so hard not to fall apart, but now here he was. He was unable to keep his emotions back. Yugi held him tightly, carding through his hair, rubbing circles on his back, rocking them as he whispered soothing words into his ear. He looked up as weight settled on his back. A child had run up the steps to hug him.

“Forgive me, Per’a’ah! I couldn’t help it. I lost my grandmother a few moon cycles ago.” Atem swept the boy into his and Yugi’s arms.

“There is nothing to forgive, Little One. I thank you for your empathy.”

“Forgive my boy, Per’a’ah! He just took off so fast.”

“You have raised a wonderful son. He has shown great compassion and you should be very proud of him. What is your name, Young One?”

“Minkah, Lord Usire!”

“Little Minkah, hold out your hand.” Yugi plucked a feather from his tail. He placed it in the boy’s hand. “What do you wish to be when you are grown?”

“I want to be a scribe, like my father.”

“Then, take this to one of my temples when you are ready for schooling. You will be welcomed and trained well.”

“Thank you!”

“No, Little Justice. Thank you.” Atem murmured as he kissed the top of the boy’s head. They sent him back to his mother. “I wish to retire, Meri-I. I am tired.”

“Of course, Treasure.” Yugi helped him stand, arms wrapped securely around him. They passed back into the palace.

Atem rubbed his head as another wave of nausea swept over him. He longed to retire to his room, to Yugi’s arms, and Olabisi’s little remedies. However, Akanadin was droning on about something or other. When would he stop? The next wave was worse, causing him to groan softly. Isis was the closest to him. She glanced over, noting his rather pale face.

“I believe we should wrap this up. I do not think Per’a’ah is well. Will one of the guards kindly fetch our Prince-Consort?” A guard nodded tightly as he slipped out. Atem leaned back in his throne as the nausea came and stayed. Isis and Mahado rushed to his side, one grasping his hand and the other pressing a hand to his forehead. “He just needs rest.”

The pair jumped out of the way as Usire’s dragon form curled around their Per’a’ah. Atem groaned as he rested his head against his husband’s scales. Yellow eyes looked at them. Isis repeated her assessment. He was off down the halls, his mate safely clutched in his claws. Usire placed him gently on their bed before turning back into his human form.

Yugi rushed about their room, throwing windows closed and tossing one of Atem’s ceremonial cloaks over the doors to their balcony. He lit incense scented in soft gentle smells. Next he stripped his mate of his jewelry and clothing, doing the same himself before shuffling them under the thin day blanket on their bed.

“Do you feel better, Koibito?” He asked softly as he carded through Atem’s hair. He shifted against him, laying on his chest.

“A little bit. Thank you, Meri-I. Is Koibito from your mother’s tongue?”

“Yes. It means ‘lover’. How long have you felt like this? I could have sworn you were well at the midday break.”

“I was. The nausea just came so suddenly. Some rest in your arms will do much good. I do not think I can return to court.”

“Sleep, Koibito. I will make sure you rest. No one shall disturb you as long as I am here.” Atem hummed as his eyes slipped closed. He listened to his husband’s heart beating, his breathing falling into sync. The nausea faded away slowly. He was asleep before it faded completely. Yugi played with his mate’s hair, drowsy, but not enough to sleep himself. He roused himself when he heard footsteps approaching their room.

“Lord Usire.” The old priest, the one who smelled of Sobek, opened their den’s doors. “If Per’a’ah has returned to full health, he should return to court.”

“My mate has fallen asleep. Court can be cancelled for the rest of the day to ensure his health.” The older human’s eyebrow twitched. “I am sure the petitioners would agree, if they knew the cancellation was for Per’a’ah’s health.” Yugi was beginning to grow annoyed. The old man hadn’t left yet. If he said anything about waking Atem, well, he might find himself on the receiving end of his lightning.

“My lord, with all due respect, it is Per’a’ah’s duty to the people.” Yugi shifted slowly, cradling his mate’s head as he set it on a pillow. His eyes were already changing. They glowed golden in the semi-darkness.

“Are you suggesting I disturb my mate’s slumber? You obviously know nothing of dragons or those of us with divine blood. A dragon would never wake their mate, even more so when they are feeling ill. I shall give you to the count of three. If you have not left our den and closed the doors, I shall chaise you back to your den.”

Atem bolted up a few minutes later to his husband’s dragon roar and his uncle’s fearful scream. He gathered the light blanket around him before racing after the scarlet tail. His cheeks burned in embarrassment as he ran. Every person in the palace could tell he was nude under the blanket, but saving his uncle’s skin was more important than his chastity. At least, he had an argument about why Yugi couldn’t scare the daylights out of anyone who had and would see him.

“Meri-I.” He spoke as he finally caught them. Akanadin was cornered against an outer wall. Usire’s massive body blocked his escape. From the way his tail flicked, Atem knew he was playing. “My dragon, please, you’ve given my uncle enough of a scare.” He groaned as the hall began to spin. The dragon-god curled about him, shrinking slightly. He took one look at him before retreating back to their bedroom. Yugi spent the rest of the day caring for him undisturbed.

“Isis.” Atem groaned as he sat on the chair. He rubbed his stomach, which could not decide if it wanted to be hungry or sick. She ignored him as she sat a clay bowl on his lap. She placed cup of milk beside him, and gestured for him to drink. He did as bid. He had learned very quickly that Isis was not to be trifled with when it came to simple remedies. He chugged the milk. As soon as the full amount hit his stomach, he was doubled over the bowl, vomit filling it.

“As I suspected.” Isis sighed as she handed him a cool towel. “I know about your body, Per’a’ah. I know it is both male and female, and your womb is fertile. You are pregnant with Lord Usire’s child. The milk I had you drink was from a woman who recently gave birth to a son. You got ill. You are pregnant.” Atem looked at her in shocked silence. His eyes shifted back and forth in their sockets as he tried to think.

“I have not had my bleeding since Yugi and I- The nausea does not come in the morning!”

“The nausea can come in the morning or the afternoon. Yours comes to you in the afternoon. Not having your cycle of bleeding is a good early sign of pregnancy. Forgive me for saying this, Per’a’ah, but you are gaining weight. Set the bowl aside and turn sideways for me.” He did so. Isis nodded. “You are beginning to show. When was your last cycle? The last time you remember?”

“A ten day before I wed Usire. We consummated our union not long after he scared you. I have not had my bleeding once after we wed.”

“I can surmise conception was close to that moment. At the very latest, you are about three lunar cycles along.” Isis smiled gently as she placed a hand on Atem’s shoulder. “The news is wonderful. I know it seems so frightening, Per’a’ah, but you shall have me, the other advisors, Mana, Olabisi, and Usire at your side. When we can no longer hide your belly, I will suspend petitions for your health.

“We can ready your bedroom for the birth closer to time. Per’a’ah?” Atem held a hand over his mouth. He looked at her with frightened eyes. “You are in shock.”

“Isis, I need- I need time.”

“Go. I will send Lord Usire to you and suspend court for the rest of the day.” He fled to his rooms as fast as he could. He curled into a ball. Tears flowed from his eyes. He couldn’t believe it! It was almost as if Amun knew his sister would be taken, and was giving him a new life to care for. He cried into a pillow, not sure why. Perhaps he cried just for the sake of crying.

Eventually his sobs quieted as he tired. Atem let himself fall asleep. He was exhausted. Yugi slipped in when the crying had stopped. He sighed softly as he pulled the thin blanket back. Slowly, so he would not wake his mate, he stripped him. He chuckled softly at how his stomach was now pudgy. He secretly loved it. It looked so much like a belly in the early stages of showing a pregnancy.

He rubbed his hand over it. Yugi frowned. He must be imagining things. He had felt the spark of life in his mate. It had to be his imagination. Creating an egg was the only way they could have children. He couldn’t have gotten so lucky. He wrapped his arms around Atem, holding him close.

[operawindow9-blog]

What’s missing from our list of 2018’s best TV?

As we wind down 2018, our best-of coverage continues with the following question:

What’s missing from our list of the year’s best TV?

Kyle Fowle

There’s hardly reason to argue with almost any year-end list these days because of the sheer number of good TV shows out there, but I’m genuinely surprised that HBO’s High Maintenance didn’t make our list. The second season of the HBO run keeps with the anthology-esque spirit of the show, but it goes deeper in ways surprising and touching. So, there’s still the random characters that populate New York and The Guy’s life, but what’s different this time around is a narrative through-line involving The Guy’s ex. That character arc, one of pain and jealousy and moving on, adds so much to a season that’s already achingly honest. Add in the fact that one of the year’s best episodes—“Globo,” reckons with the election of Donald Trump, and the completely indescribable feeling of moving through the world on the morning of November 9, 2016 in a smart, poignant, and stirring way—and you have a season of TV that’s more than worthy of any year-end list.

Myles McNutt

It’s difficult for an established reality show to make it into a best of TV list: Beyond the fact that critical conversation privileges scripted programming, reality shows are built on iteration, and that feels less novel or memorable when we reach the list-making time of year. And I’m part of this problem, because I failed to put CBS’ Survivor on my own list despite the fact that its fall cycle has been absurdly enjoyable for a show in its 37th—not a typo—season. Yes, the David Vs. Goliath theme is profoundly dumb. No, I couldn’t tell you a single thing that happened during the season that aired in the spring, so 2018 wasn’t all great for the series. But something about the alchemy of casting and game-play has created a season with a succession of satisfying twists and turns, reminding us that although we may not instinctively think of it as list worthy, a reality show 18 years into its run can still create some of television’s best drama and comedy. (I’ll never hear the name “Natalie” without laughing now.)

Eric Thurm

Making reality TV really pop is an artform: There are hundreds of hours of interactions to film, comb through, and precisely edit into a narrative that will make sense, delight viewers, and feel just slightly off, like humans hanging out too many years in the future to quite make sense to us. So every year, I become more and more impressed with the reigning queen of the genre: Vanderpump Rules. The sixth season is one of the show’s best; over half a decade in, Vanderpump Rules remains an examination of fame, misfired charisma, and the terrors of tenuous social status that would put any 19th century novel to shame. Whether it’s Jax Taylor maybe falling in love with his reiki master Kelsey while his relationship with Brittany Cartwright festers like an untreated sore, Stassi Schroeder’s then-boyfriend creating a new god tier of social faux pas by grossly hitting on Lisa freaking Vanderpump, or the slow-moving car crash of James Kennedy ignoring the “best friend” he was clearly sleeping with (not that anyone else cared), Vanderpump Rules remains mesmerizing. The cast of past, present, and future SUR employees are stuck with each other forever, and it’s incredible. It’s not about the pasta; it’s about dread.

Clayton Purdom

Aw, come on—am I the only person who thought Maniac was one of the year’s best? Well, apparently. Cary Joji Fukunaga’s 10-parter was far from perfect, but it aimed admirably high, wrangling spy action, elven fantasy, late-capitalist malaise, intense family dynamics, corporate psychotherapy and more into a freewheeling caper across several levels of reality. It also got career-best comedic performances out of Emma Stone and Justin Theroux and a fine, sad-sack turn from Jonah Hill. And Ben Sinclair! Not all of its ideas stuck, but it was messy, smart, and light in a way I’d love to see more sci-fi attempt.

Dennis Perkins

I’ll admit, I was worried going into the new, Mary Berry-less (not to mention Mel- and Sue-less), Great British Baking Show era, but I am pleased as rum baba to say that this enduringly endearing and delightfully stressful baking competition series has marched on just as sweetly. Sure, there’s a lingering bitter aftertaste to the great British baking show schism that led to those departures, but not on the Great British Baking Show itself, which rides remaining judge Paul Hollywood’s gruff charms alongside new judging partner Prue Leith and celebrity goofballs Noel Fielding and Sandi Toksvig without missing a trick. The key ingredient to this series’ success has always been the utterly generous heart that goes into every episode, and Fielding and Toksvig, if anything, seem more emotionally invested in the fates of the contestants they have to expel, one-by-one, from the show’s famous tent. And if Hollywood and Leith continue the necessarily merciless judging of soggy bottoms, overworked and under-proved doughs, and the occasional collapsing confectionary disaster, they, too, provide warmly constructive criticism rather than the traditional reality show scorn. A series—as the departed Berry was wont to say—“cram-jammed” with delights, The Great British Baking Show remains one of the most cozily exciting TV experiences going. [Dennis Perkins]

Alex McLevy

Maybe it’s the curse of distance that comes from being released way back in January, or maybe it’s simply a victim of the era of Too Much TV, but I’m bummed out to find the Steven Soderbergh-helmed Mosaic failed to crack our top 25. The miniseries is everything you could want in superlative television: a sharply nuanced and well-written mystery, performed by a coterie of uniformly strong actors at the top of their game (longtime character actor Devin Ratray deserves to be getting award nominations for his star turn), and an ace director brilliantly shooting and editing the whole thing into an intriguing puzzle? It’s the one thing I have felt comfortable recommending to anyone all year long who’s asked me what great show they should check out, regardless of individual tastes, and sadly, not a single person to date has responded with, “I’ve already seen it.” (Feel free to ignore the accompanying multimedia app as an experimental lark on Soderbergh’s part.) You’d think an HBO series from an Oscar-winning director wouldn’t need underdog-status championing, and yet here we are. Give it a watch if you haven’t yet—and odds are, you haven’t.

Caroline Siede

Come on you guys, Netflix’s Queer Eye gave us two full seasons and a special in 2018, and we couldn’t even give it a spot on our list?! I get that it can be hard to stump for reality TV when there’s so much great scripted stuff out there, but Queer Eye at least deserves a special award for being one of the most unexpected joys of 2018. The new Fab Five offered an updated spin on the early ’00s Bravo original, emphasizing self-empowerment, confidence, and empathy along with styling tips and home makeovers. Karamo used his vague “culture and lifestyle” assignment to deliver some really thoughtful therapy sessions, Tan invented a whole new way to wear shirts, Jonathan established himself as an instant icon, Antoni put avocado on stuff, and Bobby did five times as much work as everyone else while getting barely any credit for it. Whether we were bonding over tear-jerking transformations or mocking Antoni’s complete inability to cook, Queer Eye was the rare cultural unifier based on something lovely and uplifting, rather than dark and depressing. I’m guessing we’re still going to need that in 2019, so it’s a good thing the show has a third season on the way. Until then, I’ll just be rewatching A.J.’s episode on a loop.

Lisa Weidenfeld

I watched and loved a lot of TV this year, but it’s possible Wynonna Earp is the show I looked forward to the most, and also the one I wish I was seeing on more best-of lists this December. It’s a Western, a procedural, a Buffy descendant, a horror comedy, and probably a few other things as well. But mostly it’s fun. Its wildly entertaining third season was the strongest yet, and featured a potato-licking mystery, a Christmas tree topper made out of tampons, and one of TV’s sweetest ongoing romances—the usual stuff of great drama. The show’s mythology keeps expanding into an ever larger battle between forces far more powerful than its scrappy team of heroes, but it’s the writing and character work that make the show shine. Wynonna may be tough and merciless in her pursuit of victory, but it’s her sense of humor that keeps her human and compelling, and the bond between her and sister Waverly has provided a grounding emotional force on a show with an increasingly complex central plot. There just aren’t enough shows on TV that would work a Plan B joke into their heist sequence.

Vikram Murthi

Even correcting for James Franco’s involvement, which might put people off for legitimate reasons, it blows me away that The Deuce didn’t crack AVC’s main list. David Simon and George Pelecanos’ bird’s-eye view of the inception and proliferation of the sex industry in the United States represents some of the most mature, compelling television of the year. Simon’s detail-oriented, process-focused approach comes alive when examining a side of American culture that functions as a metaphor for everything: gentrification, the rise of cultural conservatism, urban renewal, late capitalism, and, most potently, the filmmaking process. This season, Simon and Pelecanos pushed their subjects toward broader freedoms that quickly revealed themselves to be traps in disguise. Not only does all social progress come with a price, but also it’s limited to those pre-approved by those controlling the purse strings. Yet, Simon and Pelecanos never forget that the tapestry of human experience is neither exclusively tragic nor comprehensively optimistic. Some people discover happiness, and others lose their way. Rising and falling in America has always been a permanent state because social environments and political context circumscribe life-or-death choices. It’s been a decade since The Wire ended, but its worldview lives on through Simon’s successive work: everything’s connected, follow the money, and bad institutions fail good people every damn day.

Danette Chavez

Although the show’s title addresses a certain demographic, Dear White People has so much to say beyond calling out the oblivious and privileged. Yes, Justin Simien’s adaptation of his 2014 film of the same name wears its politics on its sleeve, but they’re right next to its heart. The show is much more a winning coming-of-age dramedy than it is a polemic, and even then, it’s still miles ahead of most college-set series in both style and substance. Simien’s created his own visual language to capture both the intimacy of the relationships among the core cast, as well as the microscope they’re under as black students at an Ivy League school. And I really cannot say enough about the dialogue, which crackles and informs. Season one had such a moving coming-out storyline, made all the more so by DeRon Horton’s vulnerable performance; the new season follows Lionel’s adventures in dating and dorm sex, with hilarious and poignant results. Really, the whole cast should be commended, from Logan Browning, who provides a wonderfully complex center as Sam, to Antoinette Robertson, who may have given the series’ best performance in season two’s “Chapter IV.” Dear White People still makes a point of punching up—at racist and sexist institutions, tangible and otherwise—but many of its most extraordinary moments have come from characters like Sam, Gabe (John Patrick Amedori), and Reggie (Marque Richardson) recognizing their personal foibles. Thankfully, Netflix has already renewed Dear White People for a third season, giving you all a chance to get it together.

Gwen Ihnat

The odd Amazon sitcom Forever had a lot to say about the monotony of monogamy and marriage: Can you really stay with someone happily for the rest of your life? (Or afterlife, as the case may be.) With anyone but Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph cast as that main couple, Forever might have slowly slid into bland drudgery. But the two gifted comic actors injected a lot of life into the monogamy question, aided by a spirited supporting cast including Catherine Keener, Julia Ormond, and Noah Robbins. Sure, there are some days when you want to talk to anyone but that person sitting across from you at the breakfast table. But who else would discuss with you, ad nauseam, banal topics like the perfect way to spend a half-hour, or the best way to sit in a chair? The standalone episode “Andre And Sarah” makes achingly clear how much finding (or not finding) that person who makes you shine steers the path your life will eventually take, all in a mere 35 minutes.

Allison Shoemaker

While I’d love to praise one of the many things that aired this year that I’m sure to revisit in future—someone else is going to mention Wanderlust, Salt Fat Acid Heat, and the dazzling Jesus Christ Superstar Live In Concert, right?—I feel compelled to bring up a program I’m almost certain I’ll never watch again. It’s unlikely that when HBO snapped up The Tale at Sundance this year, the network was thinking of the benefits of the pause button. Yet it’s a benefit all the same. The debut narrative feature from documentarian Jennifer Fox follows a fictionalized version of the director (played by Laura Dern) as she re-examines a traumatic childhood experience she’d filed away in her mind as loving and consensual, managing to be both gentle and almost unbearably upsetting all at once. Dern’s simple, seemingly relaxed performance belies the nightmare which fuels it, and that pause button may prove invaluable to some—it certainly was for me. The Tale is a film which seems to demand that you witness, rather than merely watch it. Should you need to walk away for a minute, it’ll keep.

Noel Murray

I know, I know: At least once or twice a year someone tells you about some cool animated series you should be watching, and talks about how trippy and ambitious and strangely deep it is. But guys, trust me: You need to catch up on Cartoon Network’s Summer Camp Island. Only half of season one has aired so far (20 10-minute episodes, mostly non-serialized), with the rest of the first batch reportedly set to debut before the end of the year. It’s a show parents can watch with grade-school-aged kids or on their own—a treat for animation buffs, and for anyone who enjoys a the kind of surrealism that’s more adorable than upsetting. With its snooty teen witches, dorky monsters, and never-ending parade of anthropomorphic clothes, toys, plants, and foodstuffs, Summer Camp Island is like a weird old Disney cartoon crossed with an ’80s teensploitation picture. And it is glorious.

A.A. Dowd

Mike Flanagan is a Stephen King guy. You could guess that from his adaptation of Gerald’s Game and from the news that he’s doing King’s Shining sequel Doctor Sleep next. Or you could just watch his work and marvel at how plainly influenced it is by the author’s, at how well it captures that signature King touch—the division of perspective among multiple characters, the interest in history and trauma, the graceful juggling of timelines. There’s much more King than Shirley Jackson in Flanagan Netflix take on The Haunting Of Hill House. The miniseries didn’t scare me as much as it seemed to scare a lot of my friends and colleagues—while well-executed, its jolts were mostly of the familiar James Wan spirits-slithering-up-walls variety. But I loved the intricacy of the storytelling, the way Flanagan moved fluidly from the childhood scenes to the adulthood ones and back again, mapping the entwined lives of these damaged siblings to suggest the way that our past and present remain in constant conversation. (It’s memories, of course, that are really haunting the Crain family.) In the end, I found Haunting Of Hill House a better, more spiritually faithful adaptation of It than the real one from last year. Guess that makes me a Mike Flanagan guy.

Erik Adams

The contents of The Big List demonstrate that it’s a great time for television comedy of all stripes: Animated, musical, workplace, detail-oriented genre parody, surrealist examination of the agony and ecstasy of existence. And while I would’ve liked to have seen some notice for the humble charms of NBC’s Superstore or a nod to that episode of Joe Pera Talks With You where Joe hears “Baba O’Riley” for the first time, I’m surprised that we didn’t heap more praise on another Michigan-set cable show co-starring Conner O’Malley. Like Myles with Survivor, I’m willing to accept that I’m part of the problem: Detroiters didn’t make my ballot’s final cut, despite all the hearty laughs, shoddily produced TV commercials, and General Getdown dance routines (“He’s a general—he’s the best”) the Comedy Central series gave me this year. Sam Richardson and Tim Robinson’s love letter to their shared hometown will always be powered by the stars’ explosively silly onscreen connection, but season two did some stellar work at fleshing out their characters as individuals, whether it was Sam reuniting with an ex to record a sultry grocery-store jingle or Tim (loudly) grappling with the family legacy of Cramblin Duvet Advertising. If nothing else, these episodes proved that when it comes to comedic news anchors, sometimes the inspiration for Ron Burgundy outstrips the legend himself.

Source: https://tv.avclub.com/what-s-missing-from-our-list-of-2018-s-best-tv-1830979080

[opalmothnightingale]

True Healing

10- 4- 17 - 

I get true healing too...  And I have gotten that for so long, and I get that sometimes from some of my spiritual “friends” I think...  I can only guess it because only when I write or talk of things when they can hear them do I get this healing, often.  I write of problems, feelings, illnesses, challenges, and the healing showers on me.  

It’s more often when I explicitly state I feel terrible or feel bad, ill, pain, that I get that kind of healing.  The healing I get is usually amazing, totally transforming.  I should not have forgotten to say that I get that kind of healing, which is totally welcome and I’m so grateful for it.  

I guess it’s only occasionally that I say something that I think someone takes the wrong way and then tries to send me healing, when I don’t need that kind of healing or they don’t know how to heal right, or I’m not sure what it is...  

Because it feels like I start to feel a mixture of good and fond and affectionate sort of feelings, maybe?  But I also feel discomfort, numbness, confused feelings, feelings that aren’t appropriate, that cloud out what I really need to feel and do and think about.  And often, a mixture of anxiety, bad feelings, that aren’t needed, aren’t mine, or that I don’t need to deal with...  

That make no sense to me...  I can only think that someone else’s bad feelings towards me are mixed with their compassionate feelings they have towards me and I’m feeling that?  Or maybe it’s the bad feelings they think I have that I somehow sense when they try to heal and move around and change my supposed “bad feelings”?  Maybe, I just don’t know how all these different energy healing type things are supposed to work.  

All I know is that it makes me feel sick, tired, confused, distracted, distorted, out of sorts, annoyed, overwhelmed by so many feelings that make no sense, don’t even seem to be my own, and seem to be totally inappropriate for the situation at hand.

And then that can set off a cycle of imbalance that can last a long time and have repercussions on other things in my life, and set off this downward cycle.  It’s so wrong that I have to feel this way....  I am already so filled with burdens and these things come at me for no reason that makes sense....  What is going on?  They feel mixed with love or fondness, kindness,...  Why does kindness want to imbalance me like that?  It makes me feel, somehow, strangely, like the way that busy body and do-gooder family members make me feel, when they try to help in ways that are inappropriate...  

Or in ways that totally misunderstand the situation...  And their attempts to “help” me only make things worse and intrude on a fragile situation that is better left alone to its own healing...  Or, often, a situation that is not fragile until they intrude...  Yes fragile if you upset that balance, but otherwise, just fine...  Natural, healthy enough, a delicate equilibrium, a working stability,...  until intruded on...  Then it spins into instability.  I can contain darkness and difficulty and need it, but when they try to heal, change, cut out the darkness they see as unacceptable, everything else gets thrown all out of orbit...

My world starts to go astray altogether.  You have to know what battles to fight and what to let go of, when you’ve got such a complex load of things...  But they see every darkness and want to sanitize and remove, control and eradicate every trace of “dark”, “wrong”, “uncleanness”, “disorder”, in their perceptions...  The way my family has been...

And, ironically, they don’t have the depth of sensitivity, love, creativity, joy, either, that I have...  It makes me think of the metaphor of germophobia, applied to the emotional, psychological, mental, spiritual and social life type things...  Those who can detoxify or be immune to things can handle much more diversity, subtlety, adventure, experience, in life, than those who live in a sanitized bubble because they can’t handle anything else.    

That is why I think it must be someone trying to send healing thoughts or energy my way...  But,... is it?  

Could it be that I’m actually feeling empathy?  Could it be that?  Instead of someone trying to heal me?  I don’t know but whatever it is it seems totally inappropriate and completely overwhelming to me...  Well, except when someone else comes in and heals it all and cleans the mess and I’m all better, like happened yesterday and so far, today I feel fine, and normal and good, balanced enough.  

But, as far as the other stuff...  The unwanted “healing” impressions I get,... 

If I’m feeling someone’s feelings towards me when I write stuff and they have an emotional reaction to what I write,...  

I can only say their emotional reaction is totally overblown and it keeps me from feeling free and safe to express myself...  

When I’m driven to a corner of the secret blog universe, just to be able to say what I need to say, in a silent auditorium with no apparent audience, just a hint that someone might be listening...  

When that is the only way I feel I can state my reality and not feel totally alone but also not attacked or advised, misunderstood, pitied, dragged down with others’ wrongful attempts to save and change me, when I don’t need saving or changing,...  Just compassion and thoughtful suggestions when I’m in the mood, or a listening ear, the feeling I matter to others....  Why when I have to run to such a far corner of the universe, to just feel like a social human being, do these things still inflict and wind their tendrils into my life sometimes?  

Spirit, do you care to inform and help me with all this?

But I’m so grateful that after writing about my problem with the uncomfortable, meaningless, inappropriate and intrusive energy...  Then after that confession, things healed, the real true healing energy saved me, and I was buzzing with energy...  even though sick, still...  Allergies, severe, and lack of sleep because my silly cats keep waking me at all hours of the night and this and that other illnesses of mine, competing for my energy and resources, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, my soul and heart and spirit, all divided and pulled taut,...  But still overjoyed through it all...  Lol  Truly it is so...  Holding all these emotions...

Joy the permeating powerful thing.

[topicprinter]

My co-founder wrote a really great post on the telltale signs of someone who's great at sales. A lot has already been written here, but he takes his personal experience as a sales leader in the trenches and spins out some unique insights.Some of the quotes are hard learned lessons that come straight from customers mouths, such as this one:Respond to my questions with certainty in-the-moment and you’re 10x more likely to earn my business. Let those concerns go unanswered by an hour and you can cut that probability in half… by two hours half it again… by one day half it again…and so on. It shows me that you don’t know the answers, which challenges your believability… or shows me that you don’t care enough to address them.I think Reddit might enjoy this. You can read the post on medium here: https://medium.com/@dooly/selling-trust-6b2c712cde8d , or if you'd like, enjoy it just below the break.Let me know what you think!Selling TRUSTDreamforce — Marc Benioff’s crown jewel in his ever growing SaaS empire and the epicentre of all things related to Salesforce. 140,000+ people looking for the next big thing, the deal(s) that will make their year, or, let’s face it, a chance to get your company to pay for you to go see a “free” Green Day/Red Hot Chilli Peppers/U2 concert! Dreamforce also happens to be an epicentre for all things connected to sales. I was at Dreamforce a couple of years ago as a guest speaker on a panel where the discussion quickly pivoted down a very interesting path.The original topic was relationship selling and how to leverage the network of your peers during the sales process. The plethora of platforms out there right now that help you figure out who you’re talking to, how to get to them, who in your company can point you there, etc. made this a pretty obvious conversation. It’s clearly far easier to talk to a prospect that you’ve been given a warm introduction to or at least a prospect that you know a thing or two about from their Twitter history. In today’s selling arena, let’s call this table stakes (or steaks as I used to think it was spelled — a far more delicious connotation).Back to the pivot in the conversation… Once we established that you can leverage your network to find out pretty much anything about anyone, right down to their opinions on politics and their favourite soup, we got into something more to the point.We can give them all the tools in the world, but what are the telltale signs that a salesperson is simply ‘good’ at what they do? How do I identify the rock stars and how do I best support them?Now, for a bit of colour on this, I’ve hired a fair few sales people over the years…fired a few too. You get to know what to look for and, if you’re reasonably adept (or honest) at introspection, you can probably figure out what makes you decent at what you do as well. For myself, I used to think that I was lucky — that luck literally followed me around from deal to deal. To an extent, that’s true, but it doesn’t explain repeated success. Luck may get you your start, or the occasional “bluebird” deal, but it doesn’t allow your sales trajectory to ascend to great heights.The reality is that there isn’t one right answer to what makes someone great at sales, but you will always find a few common threads between them. We’ve all heard the expression, “people buy from people they like.” To an extent, that’s correct. But the core compound to likability that catalyzes every good relationship is TRUST.Aside…my eldest son is in Grade 7 right now and my school days are a few years back in the rearview mirror, so I’m being re-educated on everything from Algebra to Science right now. The genesis for this post is actually much to his credit as he asked me to help him understand the distinction between an element and a compound. After explaining the difference between salt (NaCl) and sodium (Na), he was well on his way to figuring it out!Inspiration!In the context of selling, T-R-U-S-T is a compound made up of 5 key elements, talent, resilience, understanding, stories, and timing. You build TRUST with your prospects and clients by possessing parts of each.TalentThrough my years in selling I have become more and more convinced that the best sales people simply cannot be manufactured without having certain raw skills, talent being the foremost on the list. Now, talent is a pretty vague descriptor, so let’s break it down a bit further. Talent goes beyond the ability to craft a beautiful powerpoint deck or a proposal that sells itself. What talent really implies (at least in this instance) is an aptitude for being relatable to your prospect. I once explained it as “being a better chameleon.” My hope isn’t to encourage sales people to become fake or untrue to their own values — it doesn’t quite work like that. As sales people, though, you do need to be adaptable to the person that’s in front of you. After all, you’re not asking them to change who they are in order to do business with you, you’re asking them to have faith in you as a person. Personability, ‘the gift of the gab’, being able to read the room, the ability to connect with another person and making it seem easy — talent in this context is the first stage of building TRUST. My wife often says that this is how I duped her into marriage — proof that it works!Resilience…and while your job is to make it feel easy for your customer, know that it isn’t always going to be the case. Nobody on this planet is universally liked (cute babies excluded) and connecting with some people can take time. A brow-beaten, over-solicited buyer likely has a lot more on their mind than whether or not your solution is going to solve their problems. The best sales people are also the ones that can handle rejection delivered a million different ways. We’ve all heard the expression, “thick skinned,” and the best sales people personify this.Of course, resilience and preparation go hand-in-hand. Think about what you can do to handle the barrage of objections a customer might put before you. How can you minimize the time between a knock-down punch and your ability to get right back up and keep throwing? Tenacious resolve — that unfettered desire to win — isn’t genetic, but we all know people that are better at it than others. If you’ve ever done any work in New York, you’ll have a far greater appreciation than most on the impact of resilience in creating TRUST!UnderstandingWhile this somewhat ties in to the idea of being relatable, understanding is unique enough to stand on its own. Relatability is how you convey your understanding of a prospect, but the art of understanding requires something different, “empathy.” A huge part of sales is human psychology — which really boils down to the ability to put yourself in the shoes of the person across from you, process what they’re going through and then go about helping them navigate their way to a better place.When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems. — Stephen CoveyEveryone in sales should have heard the expression, “two ears, one mouth” by now! Interestingly, top performers seem to have this skill innately engrained in their systems — the ability to listen more than they speak. It allows them to seem as though they can see around corners because the prospect, more often than not, will unknowingly paint the blueprint for the rep on how to close the deal if you just let them talk! Listen with your eyes as well as your ears and you’ll understand the whole story even better — you can learn a ton from body language.Last point on understanding…demonstrating appreciation of your clients’ needs isn’t enough — that merely shows that you’ve done your homework (your clients expect that much of you). Empathy is the ability to understand the impact of those needs, the personal stake someone has in a decision, and the payload associated with your time. It’s something I call Outside-In selling and have dedicated a whole other blog post to (stay tuned). Suffice it to say that without having the ability to see and feel what your prospect is going through, the third element of TRUST will be out of reach and your believability will suffer.Stories…and when they resist believing you, tell it through the lens of someone else! One of the biggest, most recurrent themes I’ve heard from one sales rep to another….heck, I’d take that further and say from one sales organization to another, is the gulf between what people are selling and the corporate treasure troves containing the anecdotal evidence, the wins, the ROI contributions, and the overall personal/business impacts of what is being sold.At my previous company I felt this problem profoundly. When I moved my young family from Australia to the UK to run EMEA sales, I found myself in a situation where we had reps all across Europe selling into local markets. With different buying cultures, different competitors, etc. we were faced with the real challenge of creating meaningful collaboration between the different regions. The consistent ask from reps, whether they were in Cologne, Milan, London or Paris was for the relevant stories and anecdotal facts that they could leverage from one another’s existing customers. We created a Google sheet of stories, asked the customer success teams to contribute alongside the reps and did a company offsite to try to proliferate those stories. The challenge we faced was that the stories were super personal and very situational, so it was hard to get a high degree of recall without being in-the-moment. If we’d cracked the code on how to share these stories, the result on sales cycles would have been profound!Prospects may believe what you’re telling them about the unmet pains and needs your solution will provide, but without a shadow of a doubt they will believe the stories you tell them of other customers in similar situations. It not only helps bring your product to life in a real example, but it helps disarm a prospect from thinking that they’re your first guinea pig in a market. I’ve too often seen the Powerpoint deck with the “customer logos” page, propping you up artificially in a sales process….if you’re going to put logos in your deck, you’d better know a story or two from each of those companies. You will be asked!TimingMost in sales will be coached on deal cadence — the ability to read the tea leaves in a deal and submit a realistic forecast for a month/quarter/year (the longer the timeline the more we all expect it to become nebulous, of course). What about customer cadence? Who is taught well on how to set the pace of a conversation, when to interject, how to build waves of follow-ups to bring an opportunity to a successful conclusion? How do you develop a good sense of timing?We’ve already established the “two ears, one mouth” rule which should hint at your conversational timing. Often, though, we scramble to keep up with a highly educated, well-researched buyer when it comes to answering their questions, responding to their needs, doubling down on their pains and eliminating objections from a deal, whether they be related to competition, legal, product or other.I remember a customer once telling me the law of diminishing returns on his likelihood to buy from vendors:Respond to my questions with certainty in-the-moment and you’re 10x more likely to earn my business. Let those concerns go unanswered by an hour and you can cut that probability in half… by two hours half it again… by one day half it again…and so on. It shows me that you don’t know the answers, which challenges your believability… or shows me that you don’t care enough to address them.Now, that’s not a universal law, but I think you get the point — you create a perception through your ability to respond. It’s much better to be prepared with the right information in the right moment than it is to say “I don’t know.” If you really don’t know, commit to a timeline to get the answer and stick to it — always better to come back with a good answer than to make up a bad one!When you’ve been on the sales roller coaster enough times, you get a sense of when key moments are coming and hopefully can become a bit more rhythmic with the twists, turns and undulations of your deal flow. It does take awhile to get there! That said, the sooner you can figure out your sense of timing on a few different levels, the better.The TRUST EquationSo what does all of this mean? Every sales person is going to be measurably different in their degrees of Talent, Resilience, Understanding, Story Telling and Timing Sense. This is by no means a prescriptive formula with exact ratios of each element! Some of these skills can be taught better than others and some really do need to be innate. Results aside, the best measure of any of these skills is to ask customers, friends and peers how a person measures up in their TRUST equation. What are their shortcomings? Why? I can say that in my experience, finding a natural is the exception to the rule and when you do find them….hold on to them!Sometimes you don’t know a gifted salesperson until you’ve already signed the contract! Not because they did anything wrong, but because you didn’t feel like you were being sold to at all.At Dooly, we’ve built our platform with an appreciation for how all of what we’ve said above impacts your relationship with your customers (and ultimately, your ability to close business!). We recognize that the smarter you are, the more in tune with your buyer you can be. There is no greater contributor to your deal movement than being in harmony with your customer from your offering through to your interactions. Our goal is to bring you the tools that will help you earn the respect of your customers in the moments when they are most needed. With this, we’ll help you earn their TRUST.Happy selling!