#i think miss piggy is my favorite

[picory]

thanks for the characters! this was fun

[lovealloftheguineapigs]

a very nice pig

[scrabblesnorton]

I feel like it’s a sin to humanize muppets but… have some colored sketches

[itmightaswellrain]

keep hearing Janice (muppet) and thinking "what's scooter doing here?" THEY HAVE THE SAME MUPPETTEER. hitting my head on a table

[i-really-like-phrogs]

Pork Fiction doodles

[m4tthewmurd0ck]

Tom Blyth x Actress!Reader

TBOSAS Vogue Interviews — Rachel + Tom

(next part will be you and Josh’s interview)

no descriptors other than reader being shorter than tom but i use she / her. click [HERE] for the table of contents for all things tom x actress!reader

for the interviews, rachel and tom are still paired up since they’re the leads, and you’re with josh. sorry hunter hshxhsdi. also in this tbosas has been out for a month so the cast is allowed to talk specific scenes and give “spoilers”

The first bit of the video shows short clips of some answers, but no context as to what the questions are.

“Oh that’s an easy one, my girlfriend,” Tom can’t help but smile.

Rachel playfully slaps him with the card. “I was going to say her!”

~

“Pepper jack,” Rachel shrugs.

“Maybe… maybe a sharp cheddar?” Tom laughs.

~

Tom sighs, “that was quite a hard scene to film. After each take I’d ask if she was alright at least a couple of times.”

“Honestly the games as a whole, because I missed a lot of the stunt training.”

~

THE INTERVIEW —

“Hi Vogue, I’m Rachel Zegler.”

“And I’m Tom Blyth. Today we’re here to ask each other some questions, rapid fire.”

Rachel shuffles the interview cards around. “Okay first question, what would you say was the most difficult scene to film and why? Ooh I have my answer already.”

“You go first, I’m still thinking,” Tom laughs.

“Well for me, the most difficult scenes physically were honestly… the games as a whole. I missed a lot of the stunt training so to have one of my first scenes be me running like crazy screaming for Jessup, it was pretty intense.”

Tom blushes a little. “Sort of piggy backing off of Rachel’s answer, the hardest physically I’d definitely say my scene with Josh when we’re running out of the arena. The first few takes were stopped fairly quickly because either he or I would trip. But the most difficult emotionally, the scene in the cabin with Coriolanus and Nova May.”

“Aww,” Rachel puts her hand over her heart. “That’s was so cool to watch you both but yeah I can for sure see why it would be difficult. Did you guys rehearse it a lot?”

Tom shakes his head. “Not at all actually. We ran through the lines a few times but as far as acting out the whole scene, not until we were on set and they wanted a run through. And thankfully after the third take they were satisfied. That was quite a hard scene to film. After each take I’d ask if she was alright at least a couple of times.”

Off camera, someone asks “how long have you guys been together?”

“Pretty much since we met,” Tom tries, and fails to hide his smile. “So she and Josh were actually cast on the same day in June of 2022. At that point Rachel and I had already been cast, and the 4 of us, it just so happened that we were all in London for one thing or another and we all went out to dinner that night. Knew I fancied her right away, and I wanna say it wasn’t even a couple of weeks later that I asked her to be my girlfriend. Sorry I know I went off topic. To answer your actual question, almost a year and a half.”

Tom and Rachel chat for a couple of minutes as cameras are moved around to capture different angles.

“Next question, something a lot more lighthearted. If you were a cheese, what—”

“Pepper jack,” Rachel shrugs, not elaborating.

Tom bursts out laughing. “You had that answer ready awfully quick.”

“What can I say, I’m a cheese girly.”

“I guess that’s my go. Pepper jack is a good answer by the way. I’ll go cheddar. Maybe… maybe a sharp cheddar?”

Rachel taps her chin as if considering what Tom just said. “Yeah, I could see sharp cheddar. Okay guys sorry they’re motioning behind cameras that we have to speed it up. This is rapid fire and we’ve only answered two questions, sorry!”

“Sorry guys! Okay okay next question. Who is your favorite person to run lines with? Oh that’s an easy one, my girlfriend.”

“I was gonna say her!” Rachel faces the camera. “You guys, she’s seriously the best person for that. She memorizes lines sooo fast. By the end she won’t need a script to help you and she’ll be able to still correct you if you mess up!”

“What — oh wait I’ve already asked that question,” Tom flips through the cards, “okay here we go. If you could play any other character in the film, who would you play?”

Rachel claps and points at Tom. “We were just talking about this! I’d either want to play your character because I think it would be so fun to kind of switch to the villain. Or Nova May because hello she’s a badass.”

“Do you know what, and I swear I’m not making this up, my answers are the same as yours. either Nova May because I feel like she’s the opposite of Coriolanus in a way. Or Lucy Gray because I love that even after the games, she’s stayed true to who she is and she doesn’t let Coriolanus corrupt her.”

Rachel and Tom chat again as cameras and lights are moved around. They each do 2 questions.

“Okay we’ve each got one more question. Ooh this one’s fun! You’re stuck on a deserted island for a month and can have five things with you, what do you bring? And it says people don’t count,” Rachel thinks for a moment, “you go first because I need to give this some real thought.”

“No people, okay let’s see… my phone, one of those solar power generators so I could plug things in, phone charger, a book, and mini fridge. I’m sure I could cook some things up and be able to save them for later.”

Rachel nods in approval. “I am going to copy your first three things because I think I’d go crazy not being able to at least write out my thoughts in my notes app or something, or record what’s happening on my camera. But for my last two things, a guitar now that I can play, and… oh crap this is harder than I thought. And… a surfboard! If you’re stuck on an island that’s the perfect time to pick up a new hobby.”

“I think we’re finally getting the hang of this, of course right at the end. Oh I have the last question that’s right. Let’s see… what three characters from other shows or films do you think would do well in the Hunger Games?”

“I love that question!” Rachel nearly falls out of her chair. “Definitely someone from Game of Thrones — ooh or House of the Dragon! You know what, Juliette would do really good. A bow and arrow can take you really far in the games and that’s her go-to weapon.”

Tom smiles and blushes once again at the mention of his girlfriend, or at least the character she plays.

Rachel thinks about her last two answers. “Joel Miller from The Last of Us, and Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds.”

“Why Spencer?”

“He’s a literal genius. I bet he’d be able to rig a bunch of traps that no one would suspect and he’d be able to eliminate most of the other tributes without any physical contact.”

“Ahh I didn’t think of that. Hmm also from House of the Dragon, Aemond Targaryen. He’s quite ruthless isn’t he, he’d have no problem getting rid of the other tributes. And also Clint Barton, like you said because a bow and arrow is a really good weapon to have. Also… Uhtred Ragnarsson from The Last Kingdom.”

Someone behind the camera says it’s time to wrap it up.

Tom smiles at the camera, “thank you so much for having us.”

“We hope you enjoyed watching, bye!”

TOM BLYTH x ACTRESS!READER TAGLIST —

@callsignwidow | @spencerstits | @coconut-dreamz | @daenerysqueenofhearts

[janeyseymour]

Stolen For Love

an anon asked for Ellie with Sweet Cheeks, so bringing this sweet little family back... and @notinmyvocab just wanted Sweet Cheeks in general... so I present to you, fluff.

WC: ~3.7k

When Ellie is in second grade, she’s placed in Janine’s classroom. With Melissa being her mother, it wasn’t in the question to put her in your wife’s classroom; apparently nepotism and favoritism is something that Abbott takes seriously- one of the few things that your school takes seriously. You supposed that it would be quite odd for your daughter to be in your class next year too, although you hope to God that your grade level partner does well with her. 

It’s also the year that Janine has somehow managed to convince the district to give you funds for class pets.

At first, Melissa had been beyond resistant to the idea. You begrudgingly took in a hamster. You had to choke back your laughter when Gregory was ecstatic to get his requested pet rock.

You’re fairly certain that your wife was in the clear in terms of getting a pet- Janine hadn’t said anything else to you in regards to the fact that the redhead wanted nothing to do with a pet. 

But then, just by chance, Melissa ends up passing the library while her counterpart is still handing out animals. She calls for your wife. And for some unknown reason, the redhead makes her way in. She exits with a guinea pig. And she looks pissed beyond belief.

You take your little rodent with you to catch up with the woman with a significantly bigger rodent. “Hun, I thought you said that weren’t going to give in even if Janine tried to push it on you.”

She huffs. “Yeah, well… her kids were talking to mine the other day when she was prepping her kids for it, and now… I look like the asshole if I don’t give my kids a stupid ass class pet.”

You smile at her sympathetically. “Trust me, I don’t want it either, but…”

“I can’t believe I was happy when pipsqueak decided to come back to Abbott,” your wife grumbles. 

“Hey,” you nudge her gently. “You love her.”

“She’s damn lucky.”

“And I heard her say that she would take care of it for you.”

“An’ if she doesn’t keep her end of the deal up, I’m gonna end up with a dead guinea pig and a class full of sad kids.”

You roll your eyes playfully. “I’m sure that Janine will go above and beyond for that guinea pig of yours. She tries to go above and beyond in everything she does.”

“Yeah,” your wife huffs. “That’s how we got into this stupid mess in the first place.”

Come the end of the day, your third graders are absolutely infatuated with that little rodent on yours in the classroom. They’ve named her Squeaky- how original. Each one of your students passes by the cage with a sweet “Have a good night, Squeaky!” as you lead them out to the front of the school for dismissal.

Melissa comes out with her students not much later, and she looks beyond pissed. You have to say, you didn’t think a guinea pig would disrupt her class flow as much as she’s making it seem it is. You make your way over with a smile, hoping that will soften her up before you go home for the night.

“How was the rest of your day?” you tread waters lightly. She just presses a soft kiss to your head in response.

Ellie comes bouncing over with the brightest grin on her face. “Moms!” She launches herself at you- you catch her; you always do.

“Hi, my sweet,” you bury a kiss in her wild hair. “How was school today?”

“Miss Teagues got us a guinea pig! Her name is Miss Piggy!” Ellie announcing with a beaming smile. 

“She would name it that,” the redhead mutters to you, nudging you gently.

You just smirk. “She really would.”

It takes a few more minutes for all of your students to be picked up, and then you’re heading back inside to gather your things for the night. You make sure that Squeaky is loaded up on food and water before flicking off the lights and heading to the room next door. You can hear the guinea pig in the redhead’s room squeaking incessantly.

“He’s so cute, Mom!” Ellie grins up at Melissa as she holds the furry animal with such care.

“He’s lucky,” your wife grumbles.

“Miss Piggy won’t let us hold her,” your daughter tells her other mother seriously. “She bites Miss Teagues.”

“Well, Sweet Cheeks knows that if he bites me, he’s being flung against the-” the redhead stops herself before she can finish her sentence. “Nevermind.”

“I think Sweet Cheeks needs a nice house,” Ellie suggests as she puts the animal back in his cage. “And better food. And a cooler water bottle.”

The guinea pig squeaks, whether that be in agreement or because he’s upset that he’s been put back into his holding cell for the night, nobody knows- but your little girl squeals. “See? Even Sweet Cheeks agrees.”

Melissa looks down at her class pet with warm eyes. “You really want to do that?” You’re not sure if she’s speaking to the rodent or to your daughter, but your little girl replies. 

“Please!” Ellie begs, and her puppy dog eyes are strong. Sweet Cheeks squeaks.

You watch your wife pet the little critter through the cage before checking that he has enough food and water to last him until tomorrow. “I guess we’re going to the pet store tonight for a stupid pet I didn’t even want.”

You opt to stay home and cook dinner while your daughter drags your wife out to the pet store a few blocks down. You manage to get the meal out of the pot and plated, put on the dinner table, and they still aren’t home yet.

You put the plates in the microwave and oven to keep them warm before settling on the couch with some of the papers that you’ve yet to look over. It’s still a bit of time before the two walk in- or rather, Melissa walks in with multiple bags while Ellie skips in with a lollipop in her mouth.

“Melissa…” you furrow a brow. Then you look to your little girl .”Elizabeth.”

“Mom said I could!” your daughter protests immediately, pointing a finger at her other mother.

“She was good in the stores,” the redhead tells you. “It’s a lollipop hun. It’s not like it’ll spoil dinner.”

“Stores?” your furrowed brow turns into a raised brow.

Melissa sighs and drops the bags- you can immediately see that one is from the pet store and the other is from Michael’s. “The huts that they had for the guinea pigs were shit, so El and I are gonna make a better one for Sweet Cheeks after dinner.”

“Oh?” you chuckle.

“It’s gonna be the best house that a guinea pig has ever had!” Ellie announces with a grin.

“Well, you two better start eating dinner,” you laugh as you set your papers aside and go to pull the meal out of where you had stored it.

Dinner is wonderful, and then your two favorite people clear it and begin to set out on this quest that they’ve created for themselves while you settle back down on the couch to finish your grading.

It’s a couple of hours later, and they still aren’t finished, but you know that your daughter has to get in the shower and get ready for bed. 

Your little girl protests immediately, wanting Sweet Cheeks to have that home ready as soon as possible- she claims that the little hut the district had offered up just wouldn’t do. When you questions if her classroom pet was okay with it and why Sweet Cheeks wouldn’t, Ellie’s face sours. “Momma, Sweet Cheeks is fancy,” is all she offers you.

Melissa has to bite back her laugh. “El, go on upstairs and shower and get ready for bed. I’ll finish up his hut, and we’ll take it in tomorrow, okay?”

Your daughter grumbles something as she hands your wife her part of the hut and heads up the steps towards the bathroom.

“Comb your hair too!” you call up after her.

Only when your daughter is in the shower do you unfold your legs out from under you and make your way back into the dining room to see what creation they’ve started. This hut is… whether your wife wants to admit it or not, she’s falling in love with the little critter in her room. She’s so focused on making this wooden house that she completely misses the fact that you’ve walked into the room. Only when you lay a gentle hand on her shoulder and press a kiss to her head does she realize that you’re right next to her.

“Jesus,” she gasps out as she jumps about a foot in the air. “Warn me next time!”

“Hun, I walked in front of you to get next to you, and I wasn’t quiet about it at all,” you chuckle. “Seems like you’re really into this hut building.”

Green eyes are rolled before she looks up at you. “I’m only doin’ this because your daughter thinks it’s necessary.”

“Mhmm,” you hum. “Sure, babe. Well, I’ll let you get back to it, but you’ll take a break if you aren’t finished to help me put El to bed?”

“You know I never miss the bedtime routine,” your wife promises as she glues another popsicle stick together. 

Ellie comes jumping down the steps about twenty minutes later and immediately tries to run over to the craft.

“You just showered, little girl,” you cut in. “Come sit with Momma.”

“But I-”

Melissa comes into the room with the finished product behind her back. “It’s done anyway, hun.” She pulls it out in front of her and presents it with a smile. “Come sit with me and your momma while we do some grading.”

Your daughter investigates the redhead’s handiwork for a few seconds before smiling and snuggling up to you. 

The next morning, Ellie skips into your wife’s classroom with the supplies that they had bought for the guinea pig. She greets Sweet Cheeks with the softest voice, and her giggle is absolutely precious when he allows her to pick him up.

Together, your daughter and your wife situate the cage to their liking before your little girl takes the rodent to the back corner with a book and begins reading to him. When you catch Melissa taking a picture of the two of them and then joining them, you keep quiet.

Lunch is filled with your wife complaining about the guinea pig that she ‘just had to do so much for’. There’s a sparkle in your eye- she wouldn’t be making this much of a deal okay out of it if she truly hated the animal. She would ignore it in the way that she ignores people she can’t stand.

And then by the end of the day, you get a text that tells you Melissa had to leave just a few minutes early because she forgot she had an appointment, and she’s so sorry that you and Ellie will now have to take the bus or walk back home. You’re just the slightest bit confused when you read that message- she hadn’t written any appointments on the calendar for today. Still, you shrug and continue on for the last few minutes of the day.

At dismissal, Janine has your wife’s class, and she looks… why does she look like she knows something that she probably shouldn’t?

Ellie makes her way over to you with a smile that quickly turns into a frown when she doesn’t see Melissa standing next to you as she usually does. “Where’s Mom?”

“We’re going to have to walk back home today,” you tell your little girl with a ruffle to her hair. “Mom forgot she had some sort of appointment.”

“That’s what she’s calling it?” Janine cuts in. Then she hums suspiciously and walks away.

You roll your eyes- your shorter coworker can be so odd sometimes. With a shrug, you usher your daughter back into the building to gather your things. You’re not looking forward to this walk home. It’s getting colder, and you have quite a few things to lug back home with you to go through.

Luck seems to be on your side though, because Melissa’s name lights up your phone as you’re attempting to get Ellie to stop trying to pick up the hamster in your own classroom and out of the room.

“Melissa Schemmenti,” you grumble. “You better have a good reason to have abandoned me at work.”

“I didn’t,” your wife tells you. “I’m sitting out front- my appointment got canceled, so I came back to drive you and El home.”

“We’ll be out as soon as Elizabeth puts down Squeaky,” you tell the redhead, although you are giving your daughter a pointed look. How she got your hamster to let her hold it, you will never know.

Your little girl scrunches her nose at you, but she does listen. And then the two of you are heading out the front doors of the school, and there is the smiling redhead.

You get Ellie into the car and put your things in the back with her before sliding into the passenger seat, pecking your wife’s lips as you do so.

“Sorry for the confusion,” Melissa mumbles against your lips.

You chuckle. “Just be lucky I didn’t have to walk home with all of this shit, or I would’ve been a lot more pissed.”

The redhead knows that you are not going to be happy with her decision to bring home the guinea pig that she snuck out of her classroom- the real reason she left early for the day. So, she makes the choice to really attempt to butter you up- put you in a good mood so when you discover what she’s done, she won’t face your wrath to its full extent.

“I was thinking that maybe we go out for dinner tonight?” Melissa suggests softly.

You lift a brow. “What do you want from me that you’re buttering me up?”

Your wife smirks. “Nothin’. Just think we deserve to go out tonight- especially with the crap we’ve been dealing with from the district.”

“Like the class pets?”

“And other stuff,” the second grade teacher tells you. “Now c’mon, d’you wanna go out tonight or not?”

“I think that sounds nice,” you concede. “Where?”

“Where do you want to go?”

You, your wife, and your daughter all end up in one of your favorite cozy little diners in the city. It’s exactly the meal that you were hoping it would be- warm and cozy and filled with laughter. 

But then you come home, and Melissa stops you from entering the house before she does. She goes as far as grabbing your hand off of the front door knob.

“Mel,” you roll your eyes. “C’mon. I’m full, I’m tired, I have to shower.”

“Just- just promise me you won’t be mad?” your wife says, and she almost sounds nervous- scared.

“What did you do?” your eyes widen, yet your brows furrow.

“Nuh-uh,” Melissa shakes her head. “Promise me you won’t be mad.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“I kind of did the opposite,” your wife shrugs.

You grumble under your breath, “What the fuck does that even mean?” and push the front door open. Almost immediately, you hear a squeaking noise that can only mean one thing.

“Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmenti,” you shout. “Did you actually steal Sweet Cheeks and bring him home?”

“You did what?!” Ellie also shouts, but her tone is much more excited than yours is. “Sweet Cheeks is here?!” Your little girl entirely abandons your side to follow the sound of the guinea pig noises and find her furry friend.

“Melissa!” you whip around and point an accusatory finger at her. “Tell me you didn’t.”

The redhead stays quiet.

“Melissa!”

Finally, she throws her hands in the air in surrender. “Okay, I did. But hear me out.”

“What am I supposed to hear you out about?” you ask her in disbelief. “You brought that rodent into our house when it’s supposed to-”

“Honey, I’m sorry, but I-”

“But you what?” you plant your hands on your hips.

Your wife has to stop herself from telling you how attractive you look when you’re pissed with her. “I just… I thought about how he was so sad when El put him back in his cage yesterday, and Janine told me the kids would take turns taking him home, and I… I fell for the little booger. I don’t want him getting hurt or nothin’.”

“Mom!” Ellie comes running into the room, and she’s all giggles as the little ball of fur cozies up to her chest. “Look! Sweet Cheeks is so happy to be getting extra Ellie cuddles!”

“I’m sure she is, El,” Melissa chuckles, and then she looks at you. “Look how happy the kid is, and Sweet Cheeks is gettin’ love in a safe space.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger as you close your eyes, sighing loudly. “Melissa.”

“I did what I thought was right,” the redhead stands her ground.

You look up at the ceiling. “You thought stealing the guinea pig from your classroom was right?”

“You stole Sweet Cheeks?” Ellie asks with wide eyes. Her hand stills on the guinea pig.

“What are you going to tell your students?” you ask.

At that, your wife bites her lip and hesitates. “I’ll- I’ll have to give them the death talk.”

“You’re going to fake the death of your class pet and give them a wrongful death talk?” you ask her incredulously.

Melissa shrugs. “It’s a talk I would have to give inevitably when one of their other pets kills him. This way, at least he has a fighting chance.”

“You’re crazy, you know that?” you ask her, although she can tell that you’re about to give in.

“And you love me for it,” your wife replies cheekily. “So, what do you say? Can we keep him?”

Ellie repeats the question, puppy dog eyes big and sweet, pleading.

You groan as you know you’re going to give into their pleas. “Fine. But I was not part of this kidnapping, and the two of you are taking care of him. I’m not lifting a damn finger when it comes to him.”

You’re immediately being attacked with hugs and kisses, and even Sweet Cheeks squeaks in approval and thanks. 

“El,” Melissa says seriously though. “You gotta keep the secret that he’s here. If anyone finds out that I took him, I’m gonna be in some trouble.”

Your daughter mimes zipping her lips. “If anyone asks, Sweet Cheeks is dead.”

“Good girl,” your wife ruffles her hair. “Now c’mon. I think we have some things to hash out with his new cage.”

“You got a new cage?!” you yell as the two go running off to settle the guinea pig in.

The next day, Janine is all over your wife. She’s figured out that Melissa took the guinea pig, despite Ellie’s insistence that she saw the guinea pig belly up this morning when you all came into the school.

Eventually, the redhead confesses, and your little girl looks absolutely miserable when Janine tells her she has until lunch to bring him back.

Your wife begrudgingly brings Sweet Cheeks back to Abbott, but then she somehow manages to convince Janine to let her keep the original Sweet Cheeks and she’ll front the bill for another guinea pig for the class.

So, when you leave the school, Ellie is holding the rodent in her arms with so much happiness in her heart, and Sweet Cheeks squeals with excitement. You can’t help but smile at how happy this stupid little guinea pig makes your daughter, and also your absolutely ridiculous wife.

That day after school, Melissa goes out and buys another guinea pig that looks similar to Sweet Cheeks, but both she and Ellie can identify a few differences to tell them apart upon closer inspection.

“It’s like twins,” your wife chuckles. “Always got at least two differences to tell ‘em apart.”

The next morning, you, your wife, your daughter, and the replacement for Sweet Cheeks load into the car and head off towards Abbott Elementary.

You think that the problem is solved between your wife and her grade level partner in regards to class pets, but come the end of the day, Melissa picks up her belongings and the guinea pig that she has affectionately started calling ‘Honey Buns’.

“Melissa, we are not stealing another guinea pig,” you sigh heavily.

The redhead grins, as does your daughter. “We ain’t stealin’ him. Me an’ my class talked, and we all agreed that with my students’ other pets at home, it wouldn’t be fair to the guinea pig, so we’re takin’ Honey Buns home, an’ I told Janine I’ll take a pet rock like her weirdo of a boyfriend.”

“We are not taking Honey Buns home,” you try to put your foot down, but you already see the way that Melissa has grown attached to this guinea pig, and if Ellie’s giggles as she tries to share a piece of carrot with the animal is any indication, you know you’re going to end up with two new pets in the house.

“Momma, please!” your daughter starts to plead, only for the vegetable to fall from her mouth. She just barely manages to catch it before feeding it to Honey Buns. “Please! Mom and I- we’ll take care of him, just like we’re going to take care of Sweet Cheeks!”

You groan as you run a hand through your hair. “I hate you guys,” you grumble as you turn on your heel to start walking out of the school.

“No you don’t!” Melissa calls after you.

Ellie runs after you and all but tackles you in a hug, looping her arms around your waist. “You love us.”

“You’re lucky,” you roll your eyes as you lean down to plant a kiss on your daughter’s head. Then you turn back to the redhead a few paces behind you. “I better get some good dinner tonight.”

Tags (and let me know if you want to be included!): @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @sweetcheeksschemmenti @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @a-queen-and-her-throne @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld @cosmichymns @sasheemo @m1lflov3rrr @ricejucie @temilyrights @emilynissangtr @squinnchy @dopenightmaretyphoon @emeraldoceansstuff @shinyfaerielights  @blkmxrvel @marvelwomenrule @sarahjohannson @casualfoxwitch @babytakeittothehead

[freshlove-sturn]

house on the cape.

pt 1 pt2

based on last friday’s video bc im obsessed with it. (events that happened in the vlog may not be in order just so the story flows how i want, also might add or get rid of some things for that same reason ofc). definitely gonna be multiple parts if yall like it so please let me know!!

summary: when the triplets come back home from la, they reunite with their favorite summer tradition, staying in the house on the cape. amidst all of the familiar laughter, and reminiscing on old memories, y/n can’t ignore the feeling stirring in her heart. something that went deeper than friendship. as she grapples with the fact that her feelings for her lifelong best friend, matt, are more than what’s just at the surface, she must learn to navigate and balance the unspoken feelings, and the gut wrenching fear of risking it all.

a/n: sorry guys but i think im scrapping all my old fics. i just have lost interest in them and i dont want to give yall something that i just half assed yk. i just need something new 😖🙏 don’t hate me pls. also i didn’t proof read and i never do so hopefully this all makes sense LMAO

……………………..

“BOYS TRIP!” chris shouts through the house.

the triplets are back in boston from being in la. i’d be lying if i said that i didn’t wish that these visits would last forever. being across the country from my best friends sucked.

“oh yeah , and you’ll be there too. you’re one of the boys.” chris points at me, smiling before loading the car with our bags.

“chris please never say that again.” i cringe, but fail to keep in my laughter.

“i agree. that was disgusting.” nick chimes in.

“just wanted to make sure you know you’re included.” chris throws his hands up in defense.

“thanks.” i smile and shake my head before getting in the car.

we were staying at their house in cape cod, something all of us looked forward to each summer growing up.

we arrive at nate’s house to pick him up. after the group effort of showering him in compliments for his new hair cut, we get back in the car.

sandwiched between nick and nathan, i check the time on my phone. nick grabs my wrist and moves it out of the way to give himself a better view of my lock screen.

“that is such a cute picture.” he says admiringly. it was a picture of matt and i. the picture was taken from behind while matt gave a piggy back ride back to the car because my feet hurt from wearing heels to madison’s concert.

“you took it.” i laugh.

“i know. i really out did myself huh.” he hypes himself up. i smile and roll my eyes.

once we get to the cape house, we unload the car. all of our bags scattered haphazardly throughout our respective rooms. the same rooms each of us have stayed in for years. nate with chris, nick with matt, and me, having been the only girl, with my own room.

“let’s go to the beach!” nate walks out into the kitchen, clapping his hands together.

…

the beach was just within walking distance. matt and i fell behind the rest of the group.

“i’m so glad you’re back.” i tell him.

“me too. i missed you.” he replies.

“i missed you too.” i admit. “a lot.” i look up and meet his eyes. we just stare at each other for a second. we didn’t really need to say anything. it was almost just a mutual understanding that each other were our favorite person.

if only he knew the extent.

the only person i’ve confided in about my feelings for matt was nate. which was precisely why he kept shooting me knowing glances anytime matt and interacted. nate swore that he knew i was in love with matt for years, before i even knew myself.

i can’t exactly pinpoint when i fell in love with my best friend, but i do remember when i realized.

flashback

matt and i sit together in the hammock string between two large oak trees in the backyard of the cape house. the gentle breeze swaying us back and forth softly. the sun was going down just to the right of us. beautiful pink and orange hues paint the sky.

“i could stay right here forever.” matt breaks the silence that had fallen between us.

“me too.” i reply softly.

“oh hey i have something for you” he digs his hand around in his pocket and pulls out a baby pink seashell. he hands it it me.

“i’ve never seen a pink one like that before.” he tells me as i admire the gift.

“me either. i love it. thanks matt.” i smile sweetly at him.

“of course.” he returns the smile.

i feel the heartbeat in my chest racing and my cheeks heating up. the feeling i had been carrying around with me for quite some time became abundantly clear.

i was in love with my best friend.

when i got home that night, i tied a string around the shell, and wore it as a necklace. and i haven’t taken it off since.

end of flashback

that was back when we were 16. 4 whole years i’ve gone hiding my biggest secret from the one person i told everything to.

our gaze was interrupted by chris. “jesus, yall are some slow pokes” he hollers back at us.

we both laugh and pick up out pace.

soon we arrive at the beach. i’ve always loved the beach. it truly is my happy place.

especially when i’m with matt.

nick snaps pictures here and there.

“oh my gosh matt look! this is just like your tattoo!” i hold out a shell to him.

“oh shit you’re right.” he holds out his arm, revealing his tattoo.

“that’s sick.” chris admires the similarity while nick takes a picture.

…

later that night, we all sit in the living room debating on what movie to watch.

“chris im not watching planet of the apes again. we’ve watched it like 9 times already.” nick argues, shutting down chris’s pleads.

“how about grown ups?” matt suggests.

“yes i love that movie.” nate agrees.

“that’s fine with me.” nick shrugs and starts typing it in.

“is that good with you?” matt leans down to where i was sitting in front of him, his voice soft and genuine.

“yeah that’s good with me.” i tell him.

he smiles and pats the spot on the couch next to him, gesturing me to come sit up there with him. i stand up from my spot on the floor and sit down next to him. he drapes a blanket over the both of us.

about an hour or so into the movie, my eyes get heavy. i lean my head on matt’s shoulder, to which he responds with wrapping his arm around me. this was nothing out of the ordinary. there’s pictures going back to when we were in preschool of the two of us practically fused together passed out on the living room floor.

suddenly, a gentle shake of my shoulders woke me up from a sleep i hadn’t even known i fell into. my eyes flutter, slowly regaining focus. when they do, i’m met with matt’s gentle blue eyes.

“hey, you wanna go lay down in your bed? i don’t want your neck to be sore.” he asks, genuinely concerned for my comfort.

i look around, everyone else appeared to have gone into their rooms.

“yeah i probably should.” i say through a yawn.

matt grabs my hand and helps me stand up from the couch. we walk down the hallway. my room came before his and nicks.

“goodnight matt.” i say, slowly turning the doorknob.

“goodnight y/n. see ya in the morning.”

i toss and turn in bed, unable to fall asleep. i stand up from bed, and leave my room. slowly making my way to the kitchen to get a drink, careful to not wake anyone up.

i open the fridge and grab a water. before i can take a sip, i hear a familiar voice behind me.

“can’t sleep?” the sudden breach of silence made me jump a little. i turn around and see matt. he was leaned up against the door frame. his sweatpants falling dangerously low on his figure, his arm under his shirt itching his shoulder, exposing his midriff.

“nope. you?” i set my water down on the counter.

“hm mm” he replies.

we stand in silence for a few moments before matt breaks the silence again.

“wanna go to the beach?”

….

a/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LMK IF YALL LIKE THIS. SUGGESTIONS ALWAYS WELCOME AND MY INBOX IS ALWAYS OPEN 🙏 i’m using my old taglist, so lmk if you want taken off or added to it!

taglist: @honestlybabymiracle @pepsiimaxx @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattestrella @luvmxtt @rac00ns-are-c00l4

[via-l0ve]

Hello :) i wanted to know how the SPN boys would react to a plus sized reader? like big boned and curvy?

Plus-Sized reader (SPN pref!)

a/n: as a chubby girl i’ve been so excited to write this!!! i hope you enjoy babes!!!

warnings: plus size reader, i guess slightly suggestive, some tiny angst!

Dean:

dean LOVES your body so much

your thighs are like MMMMHMMMH

and your hip dips are like AHAHHHHHHH

and when you two lay together and he can feel where your side kind of rolls in on itself

he falls in love even more

he seriously thinks you’re the most beautiful person

he def buys you lingere so you can model for him

“pleaseeeee? your curves would look beautiful, sweetheart.”

if you ever feel bad about yourself he will get so sad

"You don't deserve to hate yourself. If you can't learn to appreciate yourself, then let me love you."

he loves you and your curves so much

his seritonin

your stretch marks make dean go fucking crazy

—

Sam:

sam fucking ADORES every BIT of you

he can pick you up idc

have you SEEN his muscles?

let him give you piggy back rides and hold you like a bride because he loves it

he loves your whole being

he insists you’re the little spoon so he can feel your whole body against his

he gives you hickeys all over your thighs because they’re just so soft and amazing and his favorite ever

if you ever feel bad about yourself he will just “no.”

"I hate seeing you upset. Don't... don't do this to yourself. I love you,"

he never wants you to doubt yourself

ever

but if you do

you better talk to him

—

Castiel:

worships you

all the time

he cuddles into your body 24/7/365

your curves are like heaven to him

he’ll trace your figure with his hands and fingers all the time

“you are gorgeous, my beautiful y/n.”

he just loves you so much

every inch

he dosent understand when you talk bad about yourself

he’s like “wtf you’re so gorgeous… did i miss something?”

he gets sad for you because he wishes you could see yourself how he sees you

“y/n… you are the most amazing person i’ve ever met. your looks are some of gods best work. please, do not doubt yourself again.”

—

Crowley:

crowley loves himself a chubby person

he’s just so mesmerized

if you EVER wear fishnets or cropped clothes or anything

he’s on his knees in a SECOND

like i’m so fr

he gets life from looking at and feeling your body

knowing you’re his???

amazing.

he hates it when you talk bad about yourself

stretch marks??? babe. everyone has them. yours are so cute

cellulite? just a map of where you’ve been. it’s gorgeous

Hip dips???? lemmie grab them while i fuck you senseless!!! so so so so so pretty!

he just loves every inch of your pretty body

he buys you clothes that show off more of you

[freddysglove]

slasher reactions to an s/o with nipple piercings

includes: billy lenz, herbert west, pinhead, amanda young, chucky + tiffany, candyman, and freddy krueger.

insipired by @sl4shcelebr1ty's post about this. i loved it but wanted to add my favorite slashers too :)

tw: mention of body mutilation. nsfw !!! 

billy lenz

- absolutely flabbergasted

- billy is from the 70s. and sheltered.

- PLEASE. MAKE IT COMPLETELY CLEAR. HE CANNOT YANK ON THE BARS.

- they will become the main focus of every lewd comment he sends your way

- "pretty piggy. do you want billy to hurt you too? pull on them?" while he's sitting on top of your shirtless body

- non-sexually, he just thinks it's another exciting thing that makes you unique and interesting.

herbert west

- he's seen much more drastic things in and on a human body so i can't imagine he'd be too shocked

- it would probably be a turn on for him, though, especially if he didn't expect it

- might tease you about it a little bit

- would probably make a little comment in the moment after he took your shirt off like, "oh, hmm. you could've warned me, y/n. i'll have to be careful not to chip my teeth"

pinhead

- ...

- i mean

- LMAO

- yeah i don't think they'd be too fazed

- would probably praise you a little for it since they know it was most likely very "painful" for you

- would ask you how the pain felt

- they'd definitely want to put more piercings in your body

- obviously they wouldn't want to stop there, though.

- "you like them there, why wouldn't you like them covering you, my dear? coating all of your flesh? please, wait here, allow me to gather the pins-"

amanda

- she would be both adoring and jealous

- with her line of work, she couldn't deal with the healing and the possibility of getting them snagged and ripped out by a victim when attacking them

- so she'd have to get her joy by playing with yours instead

- would probably love to tug on them just enough to where you were in pain

- "oh poor baby, did that hurt?"

- then she'd immediately do it again

chucky

- would literally go, "oh ho ho."

- he would be so excited.

- like amanda, he'd want to tug on them, but he wouldn't be nearly as gentle.

- please establish a safe word because he seriously might tear them through your nipples.

- not purposefully but just carelessly.

- naturally, your chest would be his new favorite thing

- even when you're fully dressed he'd be staring at them and smirking to himself because he knows something other people don't

tiffany

- i picture her as a soft praising dom

- she'd touch them so gently and kiss them while talking about how pretty you are

- would leave so many lipstick marks over your chest

- if you wanted more piercings she'd be so supportive

- but would want to do them herself

- yes she has no former training, and ???

- if you were adamant about getting them professionally done, she'd still come along to hold your hand

- don't be surprised if your piercers go missing after touching you though.

candyman

- would speak in poems about how beautiful they are

-youlookabsolutelyalluringmybeautifuliwanttobeonewithyou

- would show you how much he adored them by spending hours worshipping and kissing them

- there are no bounds to his love

- might wish he could get matching ones so that he could have something constantly inside his body that was a part of you as well

freddy krueger

- you'd wish you never told him

- would make so many dirty, violent jokes that you'd be nervous being too close to him

- when you finally let your guard down to be intimate with him he'd be all over your chest

- top focus

- "it's only a dream, doll. come on. let me play a little?"

- the only one who would purposefully and shamelessly rip them out of your body while fucking you

- sorry :(

[ladylooch]

What if you’re recently going out with Nico and you can’t go to the game but you have plans to go out to eat after? But after the defeat he is feeling sad and tired and cancels, and you feel bad for him so decide to get him takeout from his favorite place ♥️. Once you get to his house he is just sad looking at replays of the game so you cheer him up! (You can do whatever it can be fluffy and cute or hot l) love your writing!! 🥰🥰

A/N: Okay Nico girlies, it’s time to heal. 🙏🏻

You’re five minutes into the third period of the Devils game when it dawns on you that you have not heard Nico’s name in quite sometime. Your eyebrows lower as you pause from wolfing down popcorn and M&Ms - your guilty pleasure snack. Tonight, you are trying to hold off your hunger long enough to meet Nico for a late-night snack. Eating at 11:00pm isn’t your normal dinner procedure, but for Nico Hischier you’ll make any exception. Curiously, your head tilts to the side while you grab your phone, scrolling through Twitter, looking for an explanation. 

“Nico Hischier is missing from the #NJDevils bench.” 

Ten or so more tweets follow that one. You bite your lip. The Islanders pressure on him has been intense since puck drop. You hope he is okay, but resist the urge to reach out to him. He will when he is ready. 

At least you think so.

Things with Nico are new. You aren’t sure what to expect from him tonight.

You watch the rest of the game, curled up under your weighted blanket, hoping it will relieve some of the anxiety you feel pressing into your lungs. Breathing is laborious as your airway tightens. Tingles of uncertainty practically numb your fingers by the end of the game. 

A little ping brightens your dark living room to your left. You grab your phone, seeing Captain Nico 😈 pop up with a text (his doing, not yours). 

Hi 😘 I’m so sorry to do this, but I have to take a rain check for tonight. Doctor’s orders are to sit on the couch and not move until I leave for practice tomorrow. I am so sorry. I promise I will make this up to you. I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight. I’m sending you some pizza through DoorDash. 

A lump forms in your throat from both the frustration of not getting to see him, but also the sadness for him being less than 100%. 

It’s okay! I completely understand. Your payment of DoorDash Pizza will be enough for now 🤪 You’re so sweet and do not have to do that. I’ve had enough popcorn and M&Ms for the two of us! But, I hope you are okay. I am here if you need anything.

You sigh, tossing your phone back onto the couch and leaning down to scream into the fabric. Fuck. You wanted to end the night falling asleep in his arms again. He has this way of calming the entire world with his touch. You needed that after a stressful week at work. Now, you’ll be tossing and turning all night, worrying about him.

Now, I’m definitely getting you pizza. No girl dinner for my girl. I am bummed, babe. Trust me. Wanted to get my hands on you. It’s been a long week.

An idea pops into your head, but first, you’ll need to wait for that pizza.

The pizza is still warm in your hands when you walk towards Nico’s apartment door. Thank god for the nightly activity in Hoboken, so you could easily piggy back into the main entrance. Plus, who looks scary with pizza in their hands? No one.

Your boots scuff at the floor beneath your feet until you get to Nico’s door.

“Hey did someone here order grabby hands and pizza?” You call out after a soft knock. You chuckle at the movement you hear beyond the door.

“I did.” He chuckles as he opens the door. Your body relaxes when you see his dimpled smile. He is definitely happy to see you. He’s wearing a backwards hat and comfy, Devils sweats. He looks okay, but his right shoulder seems to have extra padding around it. You tentatively reach for it, feeling the coolness. “Ice.” He winces slightly when he tries to shrug.

“Back on the couch, cap.” You insist. 

“Can I have a kiss first?” He asks, puckering his lips. You lean up, going slightly on your tip toes to connect your faces. Your eyes close as Nico gives soft, gentle pecks that awaken your body. Pink dusts your cheeks as a soft moan escapes his mouth. “I’m afraid the hands will have to wait. I look better than I actually feel.” He tenderly adjusts the ice on his shoulder. You frown deeply, staring at his hand there. 

“Are you… going to be okay?” You finish hesitantly. You aren’t sure if he will tell you, or if you really even want to know. But you’re a little scared and more information would be better than being in the dark.

“It’s too swollen and sore to know the extent of what’s going on.” Nico says. “Could be a sprain, could be a tear.” You nod, then bring your eyes back to his.

“Whatever it is we will work through it together.”

“I’m so glad you are here.” He murmurs, reaching to caress your face. His thumb strokes your cheek in soft swipes that have your heart growing in your chest. “I bet if we each have like five slices of that pizza and fall asleep together, I’ll be better tomorrow.”

“I stay the night one time and now you’re so presumptuous Mr. Hischier.”

“I can’t help myself. You’re a great cuddler. I’ll beg if I have to.” There are his dimples again, just for you.

“And here I thought I was going to have to beg you.” You chuckle, poking his stomach then walking towards his kitchen. “Can I get you anything?” You ask him.

“No.” He murmurs back, looking lost in thought as he scans your face. “Have I said how much I love having you here?”

“Literally two seconds ago.”

“Okay, well, that was too long ago. I love having you here. A lot. I usually have to go through these moments alone and not having to do that tonight is nice.” You nod because you understand how comforting it is to have someone take care of you too.

“I love being here, Neeks. Now put your butt back on the couch. I’ll bring you pizza when its warm again.”

[katyawriteswhump]

the freak in the penthouse, epilogue 1/2

E-rated (for sexual content), accidental millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve. On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :) On AO3

Chapter 17: Epilogue (part 1)

One year later

Eddie strode across the lobby of the Beverly Hills Yorkshire.

He slid his blaring Walkman headphones from his ears—savoring the delectable mutterings of high-and-mighty folks’ having their feathers ruffled by his mere presence—and slammed his credit card down on the reception desk. He slammed its hapless occupant with the mega-watt grin that’d studded his life more regularly this year than the last.

His fiendish gurning was set off to perfection by rocker hair that was ‘so last decade,’ an Exodus t-shirt featuring the band performing cannibalism; and jeans with a rip up his left thigh that artfully allowed the cool air to kiss through his underpants to his butt-cheek.

“Room for a little one, Sweetheart?” That brought a raspberry blush to the male receptionist’s cheeks. “Penthouse suite would be a blast.”

“Uh… right. Yes, of course. Let me see what we have available, Sir.” The guy eyeballed the card nervously, although, frankly, Eddie’s nerves were kicking off too. This had seemed like a hilarious jape last night, at least to Eddie, if only to make the forced-conformity piggies around him wriggle and squeal…

…and to get a bad day off to an unsettling start for one particular douchebag who needed bringing down a billion pegs or so.

The receptionist had wandered into the back office, and then… Eddie rubbed his sweaty palms together, and mumbled, “Showtime.”

Head concierge, Larry Kline, emerged from behind the scenes. Eddie detected some decidedly pinched lines at the edges of Kline’s oily smile.

I know why you’re sweating. You’ve been summoned to an ‘extraordinary’ meeting of the board of shareholders who own this hotel.

Unlike me, you don’t have the faintest clue as to why.

“Mister Munson.” Each syllable was a stabbing ice-pick. “I’m afraid the Penthouse Suite is occupied. In fact, we are fully booked.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” sang Eddie. Robin had already checked for him.

Kline pressed two white-knuckled fists to the counter, dropping his voice to a snakey hiss. “You’ve got a damn cheek, coming here, after you assaulted another guest.”

“Those charges were dropped, man,” announced Eddie, loud and theatrical. “I think you’ll find the lying son-of-a-bitch who made those accusations is now in jail. Then again, if this hotel ONLY WELCOMES JAILBIRDS then I’ll be on my merry—"

“Get out!” Kline jabbed a finger toward the revolving door. “Get out before I summon the police!”

“Cops, huh?” Pretty much everybody in the lobby was now gawking at them, and the lyrics of ‘I hate everything about you,’ by Ugly Kid Joe radiated tinnily from Eddie’s headphones. The snark-fest song wasn’t a favorite or the most subtle choice. Kline would never have appreciated the depths of any true thrash metal track. Either way, Klein was enjoying the show a lot less than Eddie. And Eddie was only the warm-up act. “Call ’em if you want, Sweetpea. I’ll wait for my room-key, or for the cops to come and arrest me for…” He drummed his fingers on his lower lip. “What exactly?”

“I should think rifling through your pockets for illegal substances would reap dividends,” seethed Kline. “We had to fumigate that suite after you left.”

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that, dude. I quit my entire spectrum of smokey substances over a year ago.”

Eddie blew Kline a kiss then was pretty sure he detected steam hissing from the concierge’s ears.

The receptionist cleared his throat. “Mr Kline? The, uh, board of shareholders are waiting.”

Eddie didn’t miss a beat. As soon as Kline disappeared, tugging at his neckerchief, Eddie skedaddled to the nearest service corridor, where Robin was waiting for him.

“Is he okay?” asked Eddie.

“Yeah, I think so. He’s all set.”

She hooked her arm through his and tugged him through a small door. At first impression, they seemed to have entered a cramped space, almost totally filled by a table of used coffee-cups and leftover and half-eaten pastries. Then, as the hum of conversation rose in his ears again, he realized they were behind a curtain at the catering section of a huge conference room.

Robin peeped around the curtain. Eddie held back, fists curling so tight his rings and nails gouged his palms.

Steve had gone through a lot in this past year. Too much. He’d stood up in court, faced the most brutal of interrogations. With the help of other abuse victims, who Suzie’s legal team had traced and supported, he’d helped dump a whole bunch of nasty pieces of shit in jail. It’d been impossible to keep his name out of the press completely. On the other hand, the exact nature of the financial handouts to the Harrington heir—following early victories in his ongoing multi-million-dollar lawsuit against his parents’ lawyer, Martin Brenner—had been kept more or less under wraps.

In the final months before Brenner had been arrested on charges of fraud and sex trafficking, he’d purchased shares in the Beverly Hills Yorkshire. It had been why his current jailbird buddy, Dickchester, had switched hotels and had been allowed to treat the staff like dirt. Robin had known that at the time, even though she’d had no clue that these were Steve’s abusers. Now, the vast majority of Brenner’s assets were in the process of being transferred to Steve.

Eddie sucked a swift breath into his leaden lungs and peeped around the curtain.

The room was bigger than his and Steve’s entire apartment—and for LA, theirs wasn’t exactly a broom cupboard. On the other hand, the illusion of space was magnified by the small number of shareholders—six men and two women, all pushing retirement age. A little apart sat Vickie, the hotel’s newly recruited business manager. And, at the far end, a guy barely out of his teens sat at the head of the vast table.

Steve was rocking the power vibes. He’d paired his ray-bans with an Armani suit—Eddie reluctantly conceded his boyfriend made even establishment bling hot—countered by the pair of Nike Airs he’d gotten planted on the table. His hair was so perfectly groomed that Eddie fought an urge to run out and ruffle it.

Yeah, Steve had nailed the act. Apart from, perhaps, the arms he’d gotten wrapped tight and defensively around his middle.

Eddie’s own hand clamped to his stomach. He was so nervous, suddenly, he felt sick. “Should we—”

“Ssssh!” Robin pressed a finger over her lips.

Kline had entered at the far end of the conference room. Silence reared up. “To what do I owe this honor?” he smarmed. “Should I take a seat?”

“No,” said Steve, tipping back on his chair. He nodded to an older lady, sporting the archetypical blue rinse, twinset and pearls, who sat to his left. “Vera? Would you do the honors?”

She stood up: “Mister Kline, a multitude of instances of gross misconduct have been brought to our attention. It is the unanimous decision of the shareholders that you should be dismissed today. With immediate severance of all pay.”

“But… but…” Kline’s hands flapped wildly before clapping together in a prayer: “Ladies, Gentleman. I am sure this is a trifle—a misunderstanding that can be easily cleared up. Shouldn’t I at least know what these accusations of misconduct are? Who is making them against me?”

“All those questions can be answered by our new majority shareholder,” said Vera. “Mr H—”

“Thanks, Vera,” said Steve, cutting her off with a breezy wave. He changed the cross of his ankles on the table. “Kline, you’re a bully and a liar. You’re also one hundred percent guilty of physically assaulting at least one member of staff in this shith… uh, I mean, in this fine institution. I’m happy to testify to that, but I’m sick of court cases. I want this to be over.”

Kline’s eyes stretched wide. Robin grabbed Eddie’s hand, finding it as clammy as his own. Had Kline figured it out yet?

Steve raised his sunglasses to nail Kline with a death-ray glare. “You’re fired, asshole.”

“You?” squeaked Kline.

“Yeah, it’s me. Let’s recap for your jumped-up little pea-brain. Treating me like shit? Treating anybody like shit, just because you can get away with it?” As the former chief concierge opened and shut his mouth like a beached fish, Steve smirked, apparently totally at ease now: “Big mistake. Big. Huge.”

…

Steve let Vera bark the final orders: “Clear your desk, Kline. You have five minutes to get out, before security will kick you into the gutter where you belong.”

Steve’s heart pounded against his ribs.  Adrenaline tore through his veins. He watched Kline scuttle from the room like the cockroach he was, and then unleashed what felt like the longest, most heartfelt sigh of his life. He slid his sneakers down from the table and righted his chair with a loud clack.

The entire board’s attention swerved back onto him. For the briefest moment, he’d felt like there should be triumphant music swelling in the background. Now, there was simply an eerily reverberating silence.

“Mister Chairman?” said Vera, with a grandmotherly smile. “Shall we proceed with the rest of the day’s business?”

Steve recalled the list of agenda items, as long as his arm. He’d not even started to read it. Every ounce of his willpower had been dead set on getting even with Kline. Now, his mind fell disarmingly blank. And his mouth flapped off before he could stop it: “Absolutely. I’ll, um… Can we take a brief raincheck? I need to hand you over to the new majority shareholder and chairwoman of the board, Robin Buckley.”

A small shriek sounded from behind the catering screen. It was Steve’s turn to scuttle, as he sped to join his friends. He didn’t even have time to hug Eddie before Robin got right in his face:

“What the fuckety fuck, Dingus? I told you—I don’t even want to be promoted yet. Doreen deserved to be the new head of housekeeping. I’m not ready to be anything other than a sous chef!”

“That’s why this makes perfect sense.” It had been a spur of the moment decision, born basically of panic. Still, Robin’s wrath aside, he honestly believed it didn’t totally suck: “You’re smart. You could skim those minutes in seconds. Plus, who better to make decisions about the running of the hotel than somebody who actually works here? Somebody who will make sure nobody is ever treated like dirt again. Besides, these meetings are quarterly. Shouldn’t cramp your style, huh?”

“I agree with Alex P Keaton here,” said Eddie, hooking an arm around Steve, who gratefully sagged into him. “You are literally Frodo with the ring, Robin.”

“Oh God, not the nerdy ring book.” Occasionally, Steve missed the times when these two were at each other’s throats, rather than uber-geek best buds. He pinched between his eyes against the start of a tension and caffeine headache. Also, to evade Robin’s beyond death-ray glare.

“Okay, maybe you’re more Eowyn in war-cry mode,” Eddie conceded. “But the metaphor’s not so lousy. Power is best wielded by those who crave it the least.”

Steve peeped up. Robin had plowed eight shaky fingers into her hair, which was an uncharacteristic violation of hygiene standards. “Aaaargh! My stomach is a gordian knot right now, Steve!”

He was starting to feel really bad: “I don’t know what that is, but I’m pretty sure my stomach was in one too when I said what I did. Look, I’m sorry, but… please, Robin? Honestly, I can’t think of anybody more fitted for the job. I can have the shares transferred into your name today.” He took off his ray-bans, hooked them on her nose. “These totally come with the role. Tho’ promise me you’ll take them off when you’re making eyes at the new business manager. I swear she’s making them back at you.”

“Ssssssh,” hissed Robin, though the edges of her lips ruffled toward a smile.

“You’ll do it?”

She harrumphed loudly. Concealed beneath the shades, he was pretty damn sure she rolled her eyes at him.

“Next time, Dingus, a few minutes notice would be polite. Oh, and… there’s gonna be a few changes around here, starting right now.”

She grabbed a croissant, took a hefty bite. She chewed, swallowed, dabbed nutella from the edge of her lips, then swished aside the curtain. Her hands planted on her hips, she confronted the board: “Is it really so dreadful to watch somebody pouring your coffee?”

Steve and Eddie beat a hasty retreat to the corridor. “Okay, why am I starting to worry about absolute power corrupting absolutely?” Eddie moved a step behind Steve to give him a backrub.

“How long till she’s calling them shit-birds? We should start a sweepstake. Oh God, yeah, Eddie… that feels amazing.”

They paused in their progress, while Eddie eased a little more of Steve’s tension from him, and Steve leaned into him. Post adrenaline crash, he was starting to feel pretty tired. It was a few blissful moments before he turned back to face Eddie. Who’d plopped a bellhop hat on his head.

“What the fuck?” said Steve.

“Does it suit me, Babe?” Eddie touched his face and fluttered those long dark lashes.

“No! It looks Halloween costume levels of ridiculous on you.”

“Just because I don’t wear it as well as you did.” Eddie pouted, adorably fake-sad, then: “What do you wanna do now, Stevie?”

Melt into your arms. Stare into your eyes till it gets kinda creepy. Make love for days.

He opted for an equally honest answer, one that was bubbling-cheese-on-cheesy-toast levels of cheesy: “I want to be with you. Forever, pretty much, and… I dunno.” He nibbled his lower lip, unsure about this next part: “I take it you didn’t snag the key to the penthouse?”

“No. Don’t reckon there’s gonna be a problem, though. You wanna go up? I know you miss that plunge bath. I could…” Eddie slung both arms around Steve’s neck and waggled his brows. “Pretty sure I owe you an aquatic blowjob.”

“I guess.” Steve laughed. Nevertheless, behind Eddie’s goofing around, he sensed darker shadows shifting. Eddie had had one recurring nightmare this past year, and it was for sure to do with what he’d witnessed when Steve chained himself to the pillar in the penthouse. Steve still barely remembered having the flashbacks about his abuse at the hands of Godchester and the others. His shrink had helped him begin, slowly, to come to terms with what had happened to him. However, there were some ghosts best left in the past.

He sure as hell didn’t want to raise those ghosts for Eddie. They had become Eddie’s nightmares almost as much as his own, and Eddie had his own demons to battle too. Slowly, painfully, his agoraphobia had gotten better, though he was still on baseline anxiety meds.

Steve shook his head. “Nah, I don’t wanna go there again. I thought I did, earlier. I mean, it is where we fell in love, but… It’s not who we are any more. I guess it never was. Anyhow, next summer we’ll have that pool ready at our place up in Oregon.” They’d bought a house on the same block as Wayne’s. “Aaaand we’ll have the jacuzzi hot tub, so…”

“Not waiting till next Summer to blow you, my Princess.”  Eddie flung open the door into the busy lobby. He bowed low, like a knight of old, for Steve to pass through. “Let’s go home.”

...

The end on AO3 The end on tumblr

If you have stuck with me this far, thank you so very much <3

perma-tag for the best inspiration friend ever: @wheneverfeasible

Thank you for reading. Likes, reblogs and comments much appreciated and will feed the bunnies🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕

On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :)

On AO3 All my ST stuff on AO3

[peachm1lkk]

『 A Special Donation 』

Synopsis — Marcus gets a unique requests regarding his favorite-least-favorite pain pig

Warnings — NONCON, Size Difference, Belly Bulge, you wear a Collar, Degradation, reference to past Torture, choking, Abusive Relationships, past Stalking mentioned, Mild Painplay, Face Slapping, Canon-Typical Behavior, Porn Without Plot, Facials, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, He cums in your hair, Verbal Humiliation, You're not a good person lol

Pairing — Marcus x Reader

A/N — Cross posted this on AO3, I love Marcus so much... My second favorite ball of hatred who'd I'd let break all my bones.. Can you tell this is loosely based off his Patreon Audio?? Maybe

It's uncomfortable, you note— The collar snugly tied around your neck. Another thing you note, other than the fact that you probably missed a ton of work in your classes, was that he hasn't been back in a while. You weren't really used to this… silence, that overcame the apartment when you weren't sobbing or pleading with him not to hurt you.

You glances down at the amateur attempt to wrap broken fingers, your begging never really worked. A soft sigh escapes your lips as you stand up, wobbling slightly from the bit of malnutrition you've been experiencing from eating only microwave meals and cup noodles— the brief dizziness isn't helped by the fact that you usually don't eat much anyway.

On the bright side, if you can even call it that, you've been picking up baking! Making a variety of sweets whenever he wasn't paying attention to you, those days tended to be the best because other than a few random photos he left you to your own devices.

Just as you were about to walk to the living room, the door to their shared dorm rattled, a few frustrated attempts being made before Marcus finally opened it. He was probably fumbling with the keys.

“U-uh… welcome home,” you softly said, keeping your eyes on the floor.

Marcus grunted in response, tossing his backpack onto the couch. “Your friend asked where you were today.” He informed, walking up to what used to be your camera to examine how long its been recording. A hint of a smile on his face as he hit the mute button, “It's actually kinda funny how worried she seemed… Do you think she knows that she used to be featured on your blog?”

Oh he’s in that mood it seems like, you don't even know what to say. What could you say? Usually any time you spoke— whether it be to apologize or say some shitty excuse it ended with you on the floor crying.

Thankfully, he seemed content with your silence, “You can speak y’know, they can't hear us speak right now… you're little white knight saviors I mean.”

You swallowed hard, your throat dry and constricted by the collar. you kept your gaze fixed on the floor, afraid to meet Marcus's eyes.

"I... I don't know," you whispered, your voice hoarse from disuse. "I never told anyone about it."

Marcus chuckled darkly, stepping closer. You instinctively flinched away, but the wall behind you left nowhere for you to retreat.

"Oh, I'm sure you didn't," he said, reaching out to run a finger along your collar. "Our little secret, right?" His touch made your skin crawl, but you forced yourself to remain still. Any reaction could set him off.

"You know," Marcus continued conversationally, "Someone made a donation today— A uh, what do you call it again? A commission, right.” you eyed him nervously as he walked over to the computer reading over past comments and forums regarding the live stream.

“Hey Piggy, you ever had sex before?” The question was as sudden as it was startling, “Pardon..?”

“I'm assuming you've had sex at least once since you have an ex and all that, but y'know… you're also you so I wouldn't be surprised if you've only seen two dicks in your life.” He goes on, much too casually for how personal the subject was— But maybe you didn't have a right to complain about privacy, god knows how many other people's privacy you've violated on those now privated posts.

“Hey pig, answer me.” The irritation in his voice has you tripping over your own words to get an answer out "You're right u-uhm… only done it with my ex.” you stammered, messing with the hem of your shirt with your good hand. “ No one else after that…”

Marcus's eyes gleamed with a mix of cruelty and excitement that made You's stomach churn. You could sense something terrible was coming. "You know how many times I thought about killing you when I found your little stalker forum?” He said changing subjects, grabbing the camera perched upon its stand. “I mean— It's disgusting, even now I still think about strangling you to death… Just the thought that you probably touched yourself to my photos makes me sick.” He takes a deep breath, his finger hitting a button on the camera that you couldn't remember the function for.

“How many times have you cum at the thought of my dick inside you?”

You felt sick, knowing that he wasn't entirely wrong “M-Marcus I'm sorry,” you whispered, even knowing it was futile you can never get rid of the instinct.

"Well, looks like today's your lucky day," he said with a smirk. "Our generous donor wants to see you fucked." Your eyes widened in horror. "What," you whispered, your voice trembling. "I-I can't...”

Marcus ignored your plea, grabbing your arm roughly. “And even if I can't kill you— I might as well fuck you like I'm gonna, right?”

He dragged you towards the bedroom, You stumbling behind him as you tried to resist. But months of captivity and malnourishment had left your weak and unsteady.

"Please, Marcus," you begged as he shoved you onto the bed. “I’m sorry I'm so sorry— please don't do this."Marcus laughed coldly as he loomed over your trembling form on the bed. "Sorry? You're sorry?” He mocked, “Sorry doesn't fucking pay for all the gross ass photos you’ve taken of me does it, pig?"

He set up the camera on the nightstand, angling it to capture the entire bed. Your heart raced as you heard the telltale beep of it starting to record.

“C'mon, Let's give our viewers a good show, I know how much you love their attention after all." Marcus whispered against the shell of your ear, You shuddered as Marcus's breath ghosted across your skin. Your mind raced, desperately searching for a way out of this nightmare, but you were trapped - physically and psychologically. Months of captivity and abuse had worn away your defenses.

"Please," you whimpered one last time, even as Marcus began pulling at your clothes.

He ignored your feeble protests, methodically stripping your bare. The camera's unblinking eye recorded every moment of your humiliation. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to retreat into yourself, to find some quiet corner of your mind that this wasn't happening. But Marcus wouldn't allow you that small mercy. He grabbed your face, forcing you to look at him. "Eyes open," he growled. "I want you to see exactly who's doing this to you."

Tears streamed down You's cheeks as Marcus positioned himself over your. Tugging his own pants down to let his thickness free, “Ha… ha— You're just meat…” He mumbles slowly stroking himself to full hardness, “Meat that was born to be taken advantage of, it was only a matter of time before someone found out… I was just the less cruel option.”

You choked back a sob as Marcus's words cut through your like knives. you wanted to argue, to insist that you weren't just "meat," that you were a person with hopes and dreams and dignity. But Maybe he was right. Maybe this was all you deserved. Marcus lined himself up, his eyes locked on You's tear-streaked face. "Remember," he whispered, "you brought this on yourself."

With that, he thrust forward brutally, burying himself inside your unprepared body. You cried out in pain, your back arching off the bed. It hurt - oh god, it hurt so much. But the physical pain was nothing compared to the crushing weight of shame and despair.

"That's it," Marcus grunted, placing a hand on your lower stomach "Cry for the camera. Show everyone what good rape bait you are.” He cooed, setting a brutal pace forcing his cock as far as your gummy walls allowed it — “ For once you being small is actually a plus,” he panted in between thrusts, watching the small bump in your stomach appear and disappear in time with each thrust.

His eyes glanced over at the camera, a part of him feeling truly disgusted at the type of people watching— But at the same time it made his dick throb so much harder, “You like that? Showing everyone that you're just a flesh light, hm?”

Your body shook with each brutal thrust, pain radiating through your core. Despising how despite the pain his deep fucking was enough to tickle the instinct out, to pull wetness that with each slap of his pelvis pressing against your ass a damned embarrassing wet squelch was made.

"Answer me," he snarled, grabbing your hair and yanking your head back. "Tell the camera how much you love being used like the worthless cum dump you are."

A strangled whimper escaped You's lips. "I-I..." you gasped, barely able to form words through the pain and humiliation. "I luh—love being- being u-used."

Marcus's pace grew even more frantic, his grip on your hips bruising. "That's right," he panted. "This is all you're good for. Just meat to stick my dick in…” Holding your hips up with one hand his free hand snakes down to your throat- applying pressure slowly

“Meat that doesn't need to—shit—breathe.” He mumbles, You's vision begins to blur as Marcus's hand tightens around your throat. Her lungs burned, desperately craving oxygen. Panic overwhelmed you as darkness crept in at the edges of your sight. Just as you thought you might lose consciousness, Marcus released his grip. You gasped and coughed, gulping in air. The brief respite was short-lived as Marcus resumed his relentless assault on your body.

"Fuck," he grunted, his thrusts loosing pace and becoming erratic. “You felt so tight just then, do you really get off to me raping you? Are you that cock hungry?” He teased, letting his hand fall to your puffy clit- rubbing cruel circles all over the ball of nerves “Fuck… I'm close. Where do you want it, pig? Where should I mark you as mine?"

You couldn't answer, still struggling to catch your breath. Her silence seemed to anger Marcus further. The burning sensation of his hand registering first before you realized he'd slap you, cruel fingers digging into your cheek, forcing you to look at him. "I asked you a question," he snarled. "Where. Do. You. Want. It?"

With pained moans you refused to believe came from genuine pleasure you stammered out a shaky response, “O-out— puh-please, not in- in me.” you sobbed,

Marcus's eyes glinted with cruel amusement. "Not inside, huh? Well, since you asked so nicely..." With a final brutal thrust, he pulled out of your abused body. You barely had time to feel relief before he was straddling your chest, his hand gripping your jaw tightly.

"Open wide," he commanded, stroking himself furiously. Too broken to resist, You parted your lips. Marcus groaned as he reached his climax, his release splattering across your face and into your open mouth. You gagged at the thickness and slimy texture, but Marcus held your still until he was finished.

"There," he panted, wiping himself clean on your hair. "Now everyone can see what a filthy little whore you really are."

He climbed off your, tucking himself into his pants. And walking over to the camera to stop the recording, leaving You trembling and soiled on the bed. you curled into yourself, trying your best to tune it all out and just go to bed.

“Oh, piggy—” He started grabbing your attention, “You have an essay due or something, your professor stopped me earlier today to tell you that.” He casually explained, as if he didn't just rape you.

“I should probably go work on that project... Pretty sure it's due soon,” He said to himself, lifting the camera up to eye level. You flinched at the familiar clicking sound of the camera, trying to keep your soft crying to a minimum even after hearing him mumble something about the picture probably not printing well. You lay motionless on the bed, your mind struggling to process the trauma you had just endured. Every part of you ached - your body from the brutal assault, your throat from Marcus's choking, your very soul from the depths of degradation you had been forced to.

you could hear Marcus moving around the apartment, the casual sounds of everyday life a stark contrast to the horror of what had just transpired. The urge to scrub yourself clean was overwhelming, but You couldn't bring yourself to move. you feared any motion might shatter what was left of your fragile psyche.

Time passed in a haze. You drifted in and out of consciousness, your exhausted mind seeking escape in fitful snatches of sleep. You were vaguely aware of Marcus returning to the bedroom at some point, muttering about needing his textbook.

"You should really get started on that essay," he remarked “It's due in a few days.”

[mintsv]

basketball date w/ gyuvin !! ₊˚🧸⊹

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bf!kim gyuvin x gn!reader

synopsis : what would it be like if one day your boyfriend kim gyuvin took you to play basketball with him? another very fluffy drabble / scenarios / imagines i still don't know what to call it, it's just fluff.

wc : 0.9k

-> notes : first of all i'm sorry for the people reading this who are ACTUALLY good at basketball because i'm certainly not and that's why i made this :) also this is like major brain rot and it's not organized whatsoever it's just all over the place i hope you understand.. hihi 🤭

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first of all, i think he'd take you on a basketball date to show you his b-ball skills and he's hoping you'll go like 'gyuvin ur so cool!' and you did do that but as time went by you started to get a lil bored just watching so you asked him if he could teach you instead which he happily obliged.

when you couldn't reach the hoop or make any shots he'd pick you up and he let's you shoot in as many b-balls as you liked.

when you actually shoot one in without his help, he'd clap and smile at you like a child and don't forget that he'll be squishing your cheeks and aweing at you (the thing he does w/ yujin).

"my gf/bf/partner is soooo talented!" he'd say all sorts of remarks like this and you thought he was being sarcastic but he actually meant every word but hes also too shy to tell you up front so he just jokes about it in hopes you'll get his signal. what a silly guy

and it sort of worked because you started to get really into b-ball and you didn't miss as many shots as before, you were excited to show your boyfriend how you improved so gyuvin pitched the idea of having a friendly competition between the two of you.

during the friendly match, it was obvious gyuvin was making it easier for you because he wasn't even running he was walking and when he got to shoot the ball he'd go like "oops i missed" and literally pass the ball to you.

gyuvin was usually very competitive especially when playing b-ball. his partner for basketball practice was usually ricky and you knew how competitive gyuvin was in reality so you felt a little down thinking he doesn't actually see it as a match.

so you started sulking, excusing yourself from the court to drink some water and gyuvin followed along cause he noticed your change in mood.

"be right back." he says quickly before rushing off to who knows where, making you sit there in boredom while the sweat on your shirt starts to feel sticky and uncomfortable, not only that but you were also craving your favorite drink after gulping down a whole bottle of water.

gyuvin comes back and brings just what you wanted without you telling him to, one of his t-shirts freshly washed in his hand and your favorite drink on the other.

and then he'd start apologizing, hugging you, holding your hand, or cupping your cheeks basically all he could think of in order to stop you from sulking.

which in fact worked because you couldn't help but let out a giggle and gyuvin would be sooo proud of himself for making you laugh, i guess sulking will just never work when you have a boyfriend as adorable as gyuvin.

In the end, you'll change into his t-shirt, both of you enjoy your favorite drinks together before crashing into his house and ending the day on a high note. (probably cuddling while watching gyuvin's favorite basketball anime).

small imagine ->

you saw gyuvin slam dunk and hang from the hoop thanks to his lanky tall body so you tried to do it too except you failed horribly, making gyuvin laugh like a maniac.

"if you keep laughing i'm actually breaking up with you." you threaten him while lifting yourself up the ground.

"sorry sorry here i'll help you." gyuvin went in front of you and knelt down with his back facing you. you assumed he was gonna give you a piggy back ride but the moment you lifted one of your legs he positioned himself under you and lifted you up, with your legs on either side of his shoulder and you yelp out of surprise which almost made you fall backwards but you didn't thanks to gyuvin's quick hand grasping your thighs and your free hand held onto his head for support.

"gyuvin what the hell?! that scared me so bad!" you hit his head playfully while your other hand was occupied by a basketball.

"what're you waiting for? shoot it!" gyuvin tilted his head backwards to look at you with a silly smile on his lips and you could only afford to turn away in order to hide the blush creeping onto your cheeks.

when you were about to put the ball in, gyuvin accidentally tripped on his shoelaces and lost his balance resulting in the ball flying out of your hand and the both of you falling down.

you prepared yourself for the impact but after a while, you didn't feel anything and a sudden groaning was heard from the boy under you.

"ouch.." he sat up halfway, one hand holding onto his head while the other rested at your waist. "oww.. y/n are you okay? did you get hurt?" contrary to his current state the first words that left his mouth were concerns for your safety even though he just fell head first onto the ground trying to save you.

"oh my god gyu are you okay? i'm so sorry.." you quickly regained consciousness and took in current the situation, your hands held his face, arm, head searching for any bruises but when you found none you sighed in relief.

"no, don't be sorry it was my fault i actually tripped on my shoelaces..." you hit his chest playfully while you two sat on the not so clean ground for a good minute, exchanging glances and giggles but looking away when the blood rushed to your cheeks. as if you weren't dating already smh

Eventually gyuvin helped you up, dusting your pants and shirt from any dirt before enveloping you into a warm hug, your face squished in his chest but you hugged him back anyways.

"hey y/n, let's just play another sport next time."

"yeah, definitely."

-> i have no idea how to write these im too used to just making stories so yeah bonus imagine at the end ;p

[ladyiristheenchantress]

Reading for others and Selling your Readings

So, you want to start reading for others and possibly selling your readings? Well you came to the right place. This post piggy backs off a google class I created on my discord pages, and today I will be going over tips and tricks for success and how to start making a side hustle out of divination! This is going to be a very tarot forward post, however this can be integrated into really any form of divination, the interview process for example is not reserved for only tarot and oracle cards! Big note: Make sure you are aware of your countries, state, and county laws revolving around divination. In some places its still illegal and criminalized and there is no point going to jail over this. Instead its best to raise awareness and talk to your local representatives about the issue.

The slides we will be using today

Part One: Knowing

The first section is all about getting started, and most great readers I can think of have 3 key things they recommened

Know your deck - What this means is actually taking the time to interview your deck and get to know its strengths, limitations, and how it will connect to your readings. When you understand your tarot cards voice, you are better able to apply messages for other people.

How do I interview my deck? To design an interview you need to create a spread that answers a few questions like "what are your strengths and weaknesses", "How do you prefer to speak to me?" and "How can I best listen and apply your advice?" Optionally it is always good to add sections asking the deck if it can read for other people, if it can read on the divine, and if it can process information that is changing.

My personal favorite is the one I am listing below.

2. Knowing your skills - This section is all about identifying your own strengths and weaknesses. Do you not really dabble in spirit work so you cant do spirit ID's? do you work with a trickster god so your decks often go missing? Do you simply just hate doing love readings and they bring you agony? All of these things are really valid, and its good to be honest with yourself. Start by picking out types of readings you enjoy, readings you maybe don't love or aren't skilled at yet, and then readings you just wont do. The ones in the middle category can always be worked on and expanded you may find you love them, but the ones that you just hate doing don't have to come at a cost just be honest and not offer them as a service. Another major aspect is personal associations to cards, Its important that as your using divination to make notes of personal associations you have to things, or how you interpret art on the card. This can help you better connect readings to your skills and give a more unique experience

3. Knowing your client - this is important simply for a marketing standpoint. If you are really good at deity readings it may be better to advertise your work on deity related servers rather than just spiritual ones. If you are a jack of all trades that may be vice versa. When you nail down the readings you love and hate doing you start to learn where you can successfully advertise to attract people who love the readings you do

Some important things and tips I can give as a tarot reader is to trust your intuition, and understand your skill level. When it comes to intuition some of the biggest blocks I see people have is "Well the reading isn't resonating with my spirit like usual" and its actually a really common thing! When people are transitioning to read for other people we become so used to getting that intuitive feeling that the cards just 'fit' but because the reading isn't *for* us we get an uncomfortable empty feeling or second guess ourselves. Have faith that your intuition is still working, just not on your behalf. Relax! If the client lets you know that it didn't resonate that's ok! Its a learning opportunity, it just means you have to re-look at the cards to find details you may have missed. With that also said, sometimes you are going to get a gut feeling that something is just not right, it will be different than that empty feeling or the little nagging self doubt voice. It usually comes as a whisper, a hand tremble, or sharpness in your spine that lets you know to redraw the card.

Another big thing that follows up with the third point is about your own skill level. The reason why there is so much emphasis on it is because your level will determine what readings you do, how much you charge for them, and how long it will take you to preform the reading. Its important that you are charging appropriately for practices, disclosing when you are new to something, or when you just aren't comfortable doing a type of reading for someone yet. It is always ok to say 'no' especially when a reading is out of your skill range.

Another really big thing to this is Practice, like I mentioned about finding your skill level so that leads me to another point:

Where can I go to find people to practice on?

In most cases, if you are a person of the internet you have a ton of options! There are dozens of discord servers and forums where you can practice your skills with people willing to trade or looking for free readings. Its best to avoid places like Instagram, tic tok, or amino for the time being because those places are more for building up a business rather than seeking out people to practice with. This is mainly because you will likely get overwhelmed with people trying to get free readings out of you, and servers usually have moderators that can help protect the peace while you are still learning.

A big thing I see is also about how to source tools for divination, lets say your in the broom closet and want to practice giving tarot readings but cant use physical cards, you can offer up readings using a digital deck (just make sure to disclose that) and get your practice in that way.

Part Two: Planning

Lets look at the aspects of giving a reading, We need to remember that for a lot of people divination is not only just an aspect of their spirituality but also a business for a lot of people. Some of the best readers I know actually aren't spiritual at all, but give such quality readings because they chose the study the psychology behind giving a reading. On the flip side, some of the best readings I have ever received was when the person was in tune with me spiritually, and got to know my beliefs as a client. It is a fine line for most people, and what makes these groups one in the same is they both took the time to really break in their practice, and see divination like an art form.

What are some things to note on the spiritual side?

Spiritually, we as readers are taking the time to use our tools to connect to the other side. Whether you believe tarot reads on paths, futures, or simply psychology, it can be a spiritual experience overall. I want it to be known even a complete atheist can still enjoy giving and practicing with divination, because at the end of the day you don't have to be any "type" of spiritual to practice.

Divination can be used to help other people through problems by offering another perspective, and as a reader that is a really fulfilling thing! Its nice when we can help others to see things they cant yet. Its also exciting to engage with the different questions a human can be faced with about life. As a reader there are so many beautiful solutions to problems, and divination can help with that!

Most commonly sold methods: Tarot, Oracle, and Runes

Most common services (as of 2022): Love readings, Yes/No questions, Deity and spirit questions

Ethical considerations and quirks are an important thing to cultivate as a reader. Its important to figure out where your ethics lie. Are you comfortable reading on a third party? Are you comfortable doing blind readings? What sort of things can you offer that would make you unique? As a general rule of thumb, its good to plan this out while you practice to see if anything is invoked in you. As you research different styles of readings you may find preset ethical takes online, some you will vibe with, others you will not. Take the information and evaluate it as you practice. Another big thing is confidentiality, if a reading begins to expose a deeper thing its best to talk to your client or leave it be if it isn't an immediate cause for concern.

Note: sometimes you get some seriously sick people asking for readings, confidentiality is great, however if someone is breaking the law or confessing a crime to you it is a good idea to stay calm, and report it to law enforcement if you can. It gets really difficult if the person is in another country and you are just reading online, but you can still pass it on to law enforcement who can possibly notify that countries police system. Above all else: If someone is making you feel uncomfortable you have every right to say no, block them, and move on. If it is someone physically with you like at a school or workplace setting who is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to deny service and seek out someone higher up who can help create distance between you and the other person. safety comes first.

What are some things to note on the business side?

On the business side, not only are we assisting other people, however we are also assisting ourselves. It is amazing when we can take something that brings us so much joy and use it to help turn a profit. When you begin actually selling your readings, you will come to find that a lot of math and marketing is involved like calculating where you want to be, how much to charge per card, how much to charge for other practices, how to market yourself to the world, its all things we have to factor when we are trying to make a side hustle out of this. Above all else, take care of you first! Make sure that you are keeping your energy and mental health in mind as you go through this journey

Average Pricings: $1-2 per card when first starting, averaging $3-4 a card, and on the high end some readers charge up to $17 per card. Usually pricings for spreads start at $5 per 3 cards, $10 per 10 cards, and $20 upcharges for voice chat or in person sessions. The average in person tarot reader will charge $70 per 45 min session

Average market: Highest money comes from tic tok, facebook, and instagram

Average Demographic: Usually within the ages of 23-35, mainly metropolitan areas

What are some things that makes a reader unique?

Style - Having a style or theme when it comes to how you present your readings is a wonderful thing. It not only makes you more recognizable, but it also draws clients in who are curious

Presentation - How you actually present your readings is important. If you are physically speaking to someone laying your cards so its facing the client adds a special touch, if you are trying to layer paragraphs online making sure they look cohesive with correct grammar and paragraph indentation is amazing

Timing - How long you can produce readings and with how much information can be used to set you apart from other readers. Plenty of readers upcharge for 'same day' readings, or charge more for blind readings because more intuition is being used

Extras - If you are willing to provide extras, online you can create custom spreads, crystal grid photos that represent the readings, or physically offer candy or for the client to pick their own deck

Personality - Having good customer service can apply to readings too, establishing your unique personality to a client is wonderful. Whether your setting up a 'no-nonsense' vibe or are smiling ear to ear, you can connect it to the deck the client vibes the most with.

Options - Providing options and some sort of consultation phase is a great way to start a dialogue between you and your client, giving plenty of room to ask questions and be honest about what's going on sets a really good mood for both of yall.

Examples:

Part Three: Doing

In this section we will be going over the most important things to remember while we are practicing, growing, and learning.

Always remember:

Your boundaries - The things you are willing and not willing to read on

Trends - What readings are the most profitable right now, why? Do you want to partake in them or not?

Clients - What types of clients do you tend to get? Do they tend to prefer a specific reading or style? Do you tend to get returning business or mainly one-off readings?

Where you promote - Where you promote is what you attract, so keep surveying the data analytics for what is most popular. For example: Psychics in Vegas tend to get the most skeptic readings, Beverly hills gets the most amount of pet readings, and Instagram pages tend to offer love readings the most

A big tip I have for new readers are on 3 things, time, spirits, and progress. When it comes to time make sure you are picking ways to charge for everything whether its VC, text, or in house, make sure you aren't running your clock and have methods to lead a conversation if a client is taking up a lot of time with stories that don't exactly apply. Next when it comes to spirits and deities it is important that you wait on those types of readings until you have protections and adequate research on different types of deities and spirits as to not possibly bring danger to yourself, clients, and are giving accurate information that preserves the cultures these being originate from. Finally when it comes to progress I recognize that it can be hard learning to say no, developing a back bone, and wanting to do more with your readings, just ride the wave as it comes! This takes time and I promise the more you work on your skills the more likely you are to succeed. Just make sure you are always honest with your clients and with yourself when you need to take a break.

What are some bad habits people should avoid?

Over cleansing - Sometimes we create this idea that you need to be triple cleansing in between each and every client, but in actuality this can create fatigue on our decks. Its kind of like showers: Some people shower daily just to get the gunk off, but they might not wash their hair or use a scrub every single shower because it strips the good oils from our hair and skin. Tarot can be the same, over cleansing it can strip it of energy. Its best to talk to your cards, have a charging station at the ready, and keep tabs on how they are feeling

overbooking - If you are currently enrolled in school full time, or have a full time job, it isn't realistic to take every single client at all hours of the day, that is the fastest way to divination burn out. Stager out clients between your real world schedule and set up a system that gives you time to transition.

Overdoing - Don't offer more than you can put out. Don't promise to do a 15 card spread in 30 min if you know your readings take longer. Don't offer freebies willy nilly because then it becomes an expectation. Make sure that you are properly valuing your work based off how long it takes you to create that product. At the end of the day you are offering a service, treat it like such!

Final Words

The divination community is an incredibly vast one that features all sorts of people, businesses, and more. Relax! This journey is a rewarding one, don't take it so serious that you start to fall apart. Have faith in your ability to research and practice, and as you grow don't hesitate to start finding communities that can help you grow as a reader.

Another big thing to watch out for is the rampant scam community. often times we see 'readers' come along who either make up some story about an ancestor leading them to you, someone cursing you for no reason, etc and making you foot the bill for their services. Or you get people who pretend to be tarot mentors and instead will copy paste things from biddy tarot while you pay 100 bucks a month. Be aware of people who are looking to take advantage of you, if it looks to good to be true it probably is. Be careful out there!

With all that said, I hope you all enjoyed this post, if you have any questions or comments feel free to drop them below. Thank you! Fair winds travelers

Tip Jar

[atti-rambles]

I've been thinking about a Muppets dungeon meshi au bc I have autism and I've been assigning roles

Miss Piggy would play Marcille bc let's be real it's her dream role to be a pretty blonde elf girl who kicks ass like she's not into the nerd shit but she can blow people up and that's good enough for her. Also she'd LOVE doing the ancient magic you know she would

Bc of this, Kermit would need to play Falin bc COME ON. I think the role would also suit Kermit pretty well even if he's not the main guy character for once. Like Kermit being a healer who beats people with a staff when necessary is very Kermit... Also chimera Kermit would be comedy gold... Frog... Chicken and dragon hybrid thing is so perfect

Chilchuck is the human actor bc it would be funniest, I wanna cast David Tennet. I am unoriginal with this BUT it is the funniest. If I had to choose a Muppet, it would be Pepe...

I think Laios would be Walter bc they both have autism and I think he would do great... Like imagine Walter barking at the shape shifter, that would be his acting peak frfr. Also Walter is already a nerdy guy so he would suit the role well. Plus he's rarely in muppets things and he's my favorite... Also omg Walter would be so HAPPY that he gets to be Kermit's brother in this role lmao

Senshi is... The most difficult one for me to assign. Bc you'd be like oh swedish chef right? Well no I don't think that'd be like a perfect fit, doesn't have very good potential with the later parts of the story... I kinda wanna say Fozzie Bear bc he would be a pretty good fit for Senshi's humor and his general vibes, but I'm not so sure?? He's the one character I'm like really huhh Senshi is just such a unique guy. Although Fozzie does have good range so I don't doubt him at all...

Izutsumi is Animal 👍 like yeah Animal just needs to act more teenage girl but he's got the spirit that Izutsumi has already... Also I think he'd have fun being able to basically do whatever and jump around and be loud

Kabru is Gonzo, I'm not saying more