#i think ive been overthinking a little too much the past few days and now my gut bacteria aren't happy and they're bullying me

[ame-to-ame]

Puking and shaking on the streets was not on my list but we r off to a great start for the new year it can only go better from here

[yoshkeii]

"𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎."

࿐ character(s): Daishou Suguru, Atsumu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi

࿐ genre: angst (to fluff)

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)

࿐ requested: yes, as a continuation of  "𝚄𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍.”

⌦ male!reader (he/him)

⌦ mentions ; cheating (atsumu’s), angst to fluff (sakusa)

⌦ they all have different scenarios, so its best to check out the first post for a little more context.

A/N: never expected to make a part two, but i guess the feedback said otherwise. its been awhile since ive written anything, so i may be rusty, disregard mistakes too please-

𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴 ; this is queued. i am still on my hiatus.

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞:

→ ever since the argument, you had left. taking majority of what was yours and what you could in the quickest of matters. you and Daishou barely talked or interact within those days. often dead silence within the shared home... or rather what was shared.

→ it was quite suffocating as well, leaving each other after a long relationship you both committed to. but you had a gut feeling it would end unfortunately.

→ Daishou had seen you leave for the last time past the front door. only exchanging a blunt “bye.” before disappearing behind the solid door. he really hoped this was all lies and games, but it wasn’t. he knew this was real, he knew this will be his reality. without you. the fading steps signaled that you were not gonna look back.

→ since then, he hasn’t heard of you since. he hasn’t seen your name around social media and only the bittersweet memories of when his friends would bring you up came into mind.

→ but it was like, you erased him from your world. and yet Daishou still held tight of the cut thread that lead to you. the other end laying flat onto the floor as the other end you had, disappeared as a whole. a huge gap between you both.

→ him being in denial, he kept mainly to himself. 

→ the old shared space felt empty. drastically different every time he would come home. he would hear your welcoming voice that made his whole body so warm and fuzzy, but now, the silence was painful and cold as he stepped inside his so called ‘home’. he didn’t know why...

→ but he really wanted you back. he wanted to see your face no matter when he came home. he missed your whole presence. he yearned for something that he could’ve kept if he would just shut up.

→ Daishou didn’t expect to see you here. at the same party he would be invited to, he watched you from the second floor that had the view of the merged rooms of the living room and kitchen. seeing you laugh and smile with two other friends who you stumbled upon, the sight made his heart sting.

→ a sharp stab straight through his chest, only thinking if he could be the reason for that smile. that laughter. oh he envied it.

→ he tried to avert his thoughts away before he heard some whistles and calling of names, to see your figure slip away with someone else from the crowd.

→ watching you both from his higher position, he noticed your hands intertwined with the other. his own hand slightly clenching the daring drink he held, the other grasping the rail tighter the longer he watched.

→ Daishou’s eyes soon looked up at your face. the expression you had made him feel conflicted.

→ the wide pure smile you had accompanied with the deep flush, made him feel that oh so familiar feeling. but knowing he wasn’t the cause of it pained him.

→ although, seeing you with someone deserving made him feel at ease. but the stabbing dagger in his heart laid there still, only reminding him that he could’ve been that better person.

𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞:

→ after the confrontation, you and Atsumu had split ways of course. it was difficult to move on and realize the situation at hand, to the both of you.

→ seeing where your stuff would be gone in the shared space made it surprisingly empty and less... alive. the whole place felt dead and empty, like a home left abruptly without an obvious reason of why.

→ but Atsumu knew why, and it began to nag at him. it made him feel so guilty to do that to you. to him, you were so pure, kind, and oh so nice. he could go on about your looks too, he really could. but every thought of you made his mind so hazy and clouded with distraught. 

→ why did he cheat? you were loyal to him- if only he could be too.

→ its been a couple years since then, it was tough for Atsumu. he had cut ties for who he was cheating with, regretting what he did and in hopes to regain you back before- didn’t obviously work. so now he stayed alone in the home that practically mocked him of his decision. 

→ he was quite surprised Atsumu wasn’t blocked by you throughout social media etc. but he didn’t dare to strike a conversation and laid idle as he saw you occasionally appear on his feed. 

→ seeing you mention being in relationship but only giving vague hints and images, truly never revealing who to your followers. 

→ sighing as he slipped his phone into his pocket, he didn’t want to think about it all, so he decided to pay a visit to Osamu at his restaurant. to his twin’s dismay.

→ arriving there fairly quickly he waved at his brother who was behind the counter cleaning up for the night, seeing his twin wave back slightly before continuing on whatever he was doing.

→ Atsumu couldn’t help but noticed the metallic object that wrapped around Osamu’s ring finger. 

→ “..’Samu? What’s on yer’ hand?”

→ “Oh- ya noticed already. I got engaged not so long ago, or recently.”

→ curiosity jabbing at the blonde made him eagerly question again.

→ “I- What?? By who!? ‘Samu ya didn’t even tell me you were in a relationship!” Atsumu could only just whine, knowing his brother didn’t share with him about his personal life after highschool. 

→ “Shut up ‘Tsumu.. Don’t be so loud in my restaurant or I’ll kick yer ass out of here!”

→ “..but do you still wanna know?”

→ Osamu seeing his twin nod with anticipation made him sigh, knowing this wouldn’t end too well. “Well.. me and [Name] are getting married. Just got engaged with him two days ago.”

→ “..[Name]..?” Atsumu could only repeat the familiar name, his voice faint but still audible to his brother’s ears.

→ he couldn’t believe it. his brother... and.. 

→ “W-well-! That’s.. nice for both of ya, haha..” the blonde tried to played off, hoping that the wavering of his voice didn’t catch his attention but, Osamu already knew, simply playing along as the conversation continued and slowly shifted off to something else.

→ Atsumu had left the place rather quickly than he originally intended to stay- but he didn’t expect it. he didn’t expect you being engaged with his twin, eventually knowing you’ll see each other soon.

→ he didn’t know how to feel about this. he was happy for both of you- but- he wasn’t over you. although it has been more than two years, he wasn’t. he missed you, he yearned to see you again. he wanted to hear your laughter and giggles, your voice overall. he wanted to see you smile, he wanted to see your handsome face. 

→  he wanted... you back. but he knows he can’t have you. not anymore.

𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊:

→ when you left passed the front door, you hadn’t come back after a few minutes. and it was.. raining. pretty badly.

→ having worry built up in his stomach that soon turned into a mixture of anxiety made him feel uneasy, overthinking the situation and words he said to you earlier made him choke on his actions. 

→ snapping out of the trance, he rushed to go grab a coat to slip on. retrieving his phone. hurrying out the front door hoping to find you haven’t gotten too far already, almost slipping down some steps of the apartment building on the way to find you.

→ the rushing anxiety continue to flow through him, making his movements more loose and clumsy as he ran off to find you. calling out your name aimlessly of the darkened rainy streets. not caring that his curls were getting soaked in the pounding rain, he just wanted to find you. 

→ to find you and keep you safe.

→ Sakusa’s heart kept increasing every moment he didn’t see you. he wanted to find you so bad- this anxiety he had was much worse than when around he was in crowds, this one felt more instinctual.

→ forgetting he had brought his phone, he slipped it out of his pocket quickly dialing and calling you. to find you answering on the second ring.

→ “..h-hello-?”

→ “[Name]..! T-thank god your safe.”

→ the slight mess-up Sakusa slurred with his words made you feel slightly worried, “..yes I am safe. what’s up with you??”

→ “Nothing..! But w-where are you?”

→ “I’m.. at a nearby cafe. Are you sure you-”

→ your boyfriend interrupted you quickly, “I’m on my way.”

→ “H-hey..! Don’t just-”, hearing the call end with singular beep, “aaaand.. he hung up..” you decided to look around from your position outside, grasping your phone nervously. realizing the rain was pounding down much harder than earlier.

→ the sound of the familiar voice calling your name from the distance caught your attention, gazing over to see Sakusa running over towards you. 

→ “S-saku-”

→ jumping lightly at the sudden hug he enveloped you, muttering soft rushed apologies over and over again as he hid his drenched face in the crook of your neck. he had continued his rambles of apologies as you hugged him back, rubbing his back lightly. watching the ravened hair male let it out a little longer before you could mutter reassuring words to him back.

→ the tension slowly rising from his muscles but the hold of his hug didn’t falter at all, only continuing to snake around your waist.

→ “..you scared me..” “...im really sorry, babe.”

→ you lifted your gaze to meet Sakusa’s, lifting your hands up to cup his face. brushing a few strands of hair away from his view sending a quick peck onto his lips. “you don’t need to apologize anymore Omi. you did enough already..”

→ “A-and you’re drenched! Baby, you’re gonna get sick-” you blinked, noticing how flat his hair was from the rain that couldn’t reach you both from the small roof over the entrance of the cafe. 

→ “..i-i’ll be fine..” the soft stutter Sakusa made noted he was embarrassed about the thought, “..i’m glad your the one not gonna be sick though.” he muttered before softly pecking your lips.

→ “Honey..” you sighed, taking your hands in his before heading inside the building. “..lets just get something to drink to warm us up, ‘kay? then we can head back.”

→ “I-m.. paying aren’t I-..”

→ “Yes. Yes you are. A treat after a bad tiring day!”

→ “..you just want sweets-”

→ “Shut it Kiyoomi.”

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

[generallybarzy]

hey there, stranger. iv

one, two, three 

an: as you can tell, i’ve been having a really, really rough time lately. I haven’t been posting, so I hope the length of this chapter makes up for it a little bit. Not including a summary here because you all know what this fic is by now, and if not, the other chapters are linked above! I hope you enjoy this. I have to thank @royaltyofhockeylosers, @thirteenisles, and my potato anon for always being there whether I have to talk about this fic or my personal life!! I love you all and I absolute would not have gotten through the past week or even posted this fic without you!!!! The ending scene of this chapter (you’ll see) is the first part of this fic I thought of, what I basically wrote the rest of the fic around, and honestly one of my favorite scenes ever.

word count: 3.7k

the playlist :)

Two more weeks and countless games passed before Mat was asking about another date.

You were sitting in class, daydreaming about that night- his arm heavy around your shoulders, pulling you into his side, his scent surrounding you, his hoodie swallowing you, the way his hand was big and warm in yours, the way his pretty hazel eyes softened when he looked down at you, the way your heart leapt when he leaned down, his eyes slipping shut for that first kiss… when your phone vibrated.

Handsome maty: hey babe! i don't have practice tomorrow, you wanna do something? ❤

The heart emoji made your own heart beat fast. So you were at that point of the relationship already, huh?

You'd never know, but Mat was terrified to send that text. He typed it out and deleted it multiple times, running his hands through his hair and closing his texts to call Tito and ask for advice. Was it too early for hearts? Would you be scared and run off? Would he sabotage a great thing just by showing you how much he cared? But in the end he remembered.

“I wanna date you. Like, officially. I want it to be us.”

“I want it to be us too.”

And God, he really did.

You wanted to go out with him again, you really, really did, but there was one thing preventing you from doing that. And that one thing preventing you from seeing him was the same thing that got you together in the first place: the Seidenbergs.

Rebecca had called you that morning, joyous and chatting about a mystery date she was going on and how Dennis surprised her. And while you were as overjoyed for her as always and couldn't wait to see the kids again, it sucked that even though the older man was retired from hockey now, his and Mat's schedules seemed to be clashing. Whenever Mat wanted to take you out, the Seids were going out.

You: maty, I really wish i could. But I have to babysit tonight 😥

❤maty: no problem, I can come help! The kids already know me anyway

You didn't expect him to be angry really, but you at least wanted him to be upset. You were expecting the sting of guilt when he responded with that sad, puppy-dog way of his. But what you weren't expecting was the easy compliance he gave. It took a few moments for you to process his message, you were overthinking. These weren't your kids, would Rebecca be okay with you bringing Mat as your boyfriend? Or would that be inappropriate? Then, Mat sent another message.

❤maty: or if this is your way of trying to turn me down easy or hint you don't want to hang, you can just tell me. I promise I won't be upset, babe. But I'll come help if you want?

And that did it for you.

The fact that he thought you didn’t want to hang out was hurting your heart. Maybe you didn’t kiss him the other night, but you didn’t want him to think you were uninterested. Especially when it was quite the opposite. You couldn’t stop thinking about him if you tried. As you sat through boring lectures in class about things you once paid attention to, you found yourself daydreaming. Of how his lips would feel on yours, how soft, and pink they looked. How they parted slightly as he leaned down, his warm breath fanning over your own...

You wanted to kiss him, you really did, but something held you back. Nothing had ever felt wrong with Mat before, but something just felt so strange. It felt off, and you hated it. Maybe it was the fact that it had been so long since you had a real boyfriend, maybe you were scared you wouldn’t be good at kissing after so long, maybe you were scared of this relationship getting too serious, that after that kiss, you’d be too far in and Mat would get tired of you. Maybe you were scared of heartbreak again. Whatever it was, you panicked and drew away. He took it so well, he was sweet and patient and didn’t judge you for wanting to wait. And it just made you fall even more.

God, what you would do to kiss him now.

You: trust me, i really want to see you tonight. but we need to ask rebecca and dennis first

❤maty: done ✔

Usually, all your worries about guys went out the window when you walked in the door to the Seidenberg’s household. You could forget about boyfriends, drama, work and your studies for the night and focus on the little kids that had strangely become like friends to you. But tonight, your anxiety about boys- a certain boy in particular- was spiking. You were going to be spending the evening with Mat. You couldn’t help the way your heart was pounding as you tried to compose yourself in the bathroom before the Seidenburgs left on their date. It wasn’t going to be a long night, the sun was already going down, so you’d probably just put on a movie and then take the kids to bed. You smiled at yourself in the mirror as your mind drifted back to the night of your almost-kiss and how patient and gentle and ready Mat was.

“(Y/N), someone’s here for you!” You heard Rebecca call from the front door. You quickly brushed some flyaway hairs back and took a few breaths to steady yourself.

Mat.

“Yeah, I have a feeling I already know who it is!” You called back with a smile in your voice, opening the bathroom door and making your way to the kitchen. Rebecca and Dennis were standing there, ready to leave and, both smiling like they knew something you didn’t, the door was only cracked slightly and Mat hadn’t yet come inside. Before you could even ask why he was still out in the cold, your matchmaker motioned towards the door.

“He’s waiting.”

You could barely even open the door the whole way before your lips fell open in a little surprised O. "Mat."

"Hey there, babe." There he stood on the doorstep, looking absolutely warm and cozy in all sweats and a hoodie, in those signature white shoes he'd been sporting on every date so far. The cold November wind tossed his hair around and a bright flush painted his cheeks in happiness as he held a bouquet of bright flowers out in front of him. When he saw you trying our best to contain your smile, his face split into a huge grin. And when he smiled, your heart almost leaped out of your chest. "You have no idea how hard it was to find these so late in the year."

"Oh my God, Maty."

"I hope this isn’t too cheesy, but I figured, if we're gonna be together all night, we might as well make it a date, right?"

Your heart fluttered, you wanted to pull him close, kiss him right there, but it wasn't the right time, especially not with the Seidenburgs standing right behind you in the kitchen. You reached out, grabbed his hand, and grinned. "Get in here, you big goof. You’re gonna get a cold."

The Siedenbergs were giving their goodbye kisses to the children when you stepped inside with Mat. And as they left, Rebecca winked at you and glanced back towards Mat, who was chatting with Dennis and beautifully oblivious to your cheeky silent conversation and busying himself with the kids. The second he stepped in the doorway, it seemed, the kids were all over him. "Maty!" They must have missed having him around.

It was obvious they missed having him around, as they were jumping around his legs and rambling about things they’d been up to lately the second they could get to him. And Mat listened intently and with the softest smile, and it was obvious he really loved them too.

The youngest children were talking about their day at school when you took the bouquet of flowers out of Mat’s arms, and suddenly they seemed interested. ‘

“You got flowers?"

"Yeah! Aren’t they pretty? They're from Mat." And suddenly the house burst into little "oooooh"s. Ah, children.

"You got (y/n) flowers??? Do you liiiike her?"

"I do like her." Mat’s eyes found yours and smiled, a hopeful, almost unsure smile as if he was really urging you to feel the same. You weren’t about to go on about your still young relationship in front of children, so you just smiled back.

"Are you best friends?"

"No, more than that."

“Ewww-”

“Alright,” You cut them off, just wanting to stay off the topic of feelings, romance, and relationships. This used to be the place you went to forget about those things, but you couldn’t do that with Mat here. Not that you were upset, you loved having him here, but there was something about talking about your relationship that still made you a little uneasy. And you hated feeling uneasy about him. "Do we have any homework to finish tonight?”

Something twisted in your heart while you watched Mat sit at the kitchen counter and help the kids with their homework. There was something so domestic and warm about these situations that it almost made you nervous. Was it way too early in the relationship to be imagining these things with him? It was so soon, everything was happening so fast, that it scared you. You didn’t want to love again, you didn’t want to hurt again, but everything about Mat made you want to risk it all.

That feeling struck you again as you stood in the kitchen, washing their dishes and watching Mat reading at the table with their little boy as the girls colored. Mat was helping him along softly here and there and giving him a little high five at the end of each page, and even though you absolutely did not want children any time soon- you could barely afford to get by yourself- there's just something about a man that's good with kids. And Mat was great with them, probably because he acted like a kid himself and already knew them well.

"Can we have ice cream?" Mat glanced up at you in amusement to gauge your reaction to the bold statement of the youngest girl.

"Ah, I don't know how your parents would feel about that."

“Pleeeeease!”

“Ice cream, ice cream, please!”

“I think the general consensus is that we all want ice cream.” Mat grinned a stupid little shit-eating grin and the children nodded along with him. “C'mon, Y/N. Don't be a party pooper." You almost couldn’t believe that Mat was gonna betray you like this, but it seemed so like him. Taking risks, living, having fun.

"You're such a child, Mat."

He looked up for a moment with wide, worried eyes, as if really worried you were upset with him, but the smile on your face must have given it away, because he smiled back proudly. "Yeah, I am."

"Alright,” You smiled at the looks of glee around the table, from all three of the kids and even Mat. “We’ll have ice cream, but don't tell your parents." The kids cheered thanks at you and Mat, who was still grinning widely up at you from the table. You couldn’t quite read the expression on his face, but when he stood from where he was to take the ice cream out of the freezer and his arm curled around your waist for a second while the kids weren’t watching, you were so flustered you had to look away with a smile. He made you feel so tingly and warm. “So, what movie are we watching tonight?”

A few hours later, you were sitting on the couch with Mat, battling through your second run of The Little Mermaid while the kids watched and colored and got drowsy.

You and Mat had stretched out under a thick, fluffy blanket, your legs on the sectional and his propped up on the coffee table, which he insisted was okay because he "used to do it all the time". Your head was resting against his bicep, and the moment his arm curled its way around your shoulders, your breath hitched in your throat. And he must have noticed because he glanced down at you with that same gentle question as the other night when he tried to kiss you.

Too much? Too soon?

It might have been too much, you might have panicked a little, but if you were learning anything recently, it was that you needed to take a risk and stop being so scared to get hurt. So you curled further against him, bringing a leg up to bend across his lap and winding your arms around his waist. His hand fell heavily onto your knee, rubbing it and pulling you closer in under the blanket, and his lips quirked up a little at the ends. This was warm, gentle, soft, perfect. Everything around was drowned out, save for the noise of both of your beating hearts pounding against each other, and he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear with pink cheeks.

“Hey there.” His breath fanned across your lips, smelling of the sweet ice cream you’d all been snacking on earlier.

“Hi.”

Your breath hitched in your throat when his hand cupped your cheek, your heart sped up and your cheeks went hot as he furrowed his brows as if considering something.

Please just do it...

🎶"Sha-la-la-la-la-la

My, oh my

Looks like the boy's too shy

Ain't gonna kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la

Ain't that sad

It's such a shame, too bad

You're gonna miss the girl"🎶

“(Y/NNNNN).” You snapped up at the sound of your name to see the little boy yawning and rubbing his eyes. Mat swallowed thickly, turning away and refocusing on the movie in front of him, as if he’d even been watching in the first place. “I’m sleepy.”

“Yeah?” You untangled yourself from Mat and stood from your cocoon of comfort under the blanket, despite wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms all night. “Alright, Let’s get you to bed, buddy.”

When you returned to the living room after helping the kids through their nightly routine and tucking them into bed, you found Mat turning off the TV and gathering up the coloring books and dishes to put away. You locked eyes with him, feeling absolutely flustered and wanting to cuddle him. He looked back at you, chewing on his bottom lip as if he had something to say, but he kept silent. It was quiet, but not tense, as you moved around the kitchen. Putting things away and cleaning up and smiling as you bumped into each other. He seemed to open his mouth for a moment, considering his words, but he said nothing, and you couldn't even get the chance to ask him if the two of you could crawl back under the blankets before the front door opened and in walked the Seidenbergs.

Dennis and Rebecca thanked you over and over again, quietly, as the kids were asleep. “I hope Mat behaved himself too.”

“It was like having a fourth kid to look after.”

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad.” He smiled at you across the table, a little secret in his eyes, hinting to the moment on the couch where you’d almost… almost kissed. No one had to know about that. Not yet.

The moment you offered to get an Uber and head home, Mat spoke up softly, grabbing your attention before you could leave. “Hey, my place isn’t too far from here. Let’s go on a walk. We can call you an uber from there?” He spoke almost shyly, giving you a tiny smile, his head cocked to the side and his eyes sparkling with glee, tilting his eyebrow up in question. You only nodded at him, smiling back with matched enthusiasm, and headed out the front door, hand in hand, with the Seidenburgs smiling fondly after you.

Outside, flurries had started coming down, a light dusting of snow beginning to lay in the patches of grass beside you. It was frigid, and even Mat’s hoodie and your own jacket didn’t seem to do much work to protect you. But being pressed against his warm body, your hand in his was so worth it. “Maty, it’s snowing!”

He chuckled at the childlike enthusiasm of your words. “Yeah.”

He watched you with awe as you gazed around at how the snowflakes sparkled in the streetlights. “You know,” you began, squeezing his hand and pulling him back to reality, “I love the snow. I love winter. Everything is so quiet and peaceful. As a kid, you would go to bed one night and wake up the next morning with inches of snow on the ground, without ever realizing anything happened. It happens so quietly, so serenely, so softly, without anyone realizing. It’s a surprise. I love that.”

“Yeah?”

“All the best things happen softly.” There was a moment of silence as the words settled peacefully between you, and Mat pondered your words. “No, that probably sounds dumb.”

“No, that’s beautiful. You could be a poet.” All the best things happen softly. He agreed. Like the way he was falling more and more for you every day, like falling onto a bed of down and soft pillows, like falling into a lover’s waiting arms after a long day, like the warmest embrace of tangled limbs and tickly hair in your face. Like falling in love. “Plus, being cold means cuddling. Like tonight.” He nudged your side teasingly and squeezed you against him. “I liked that.”

“I liked that too.”

“Sorry we couldn’t do something else tonight. I usually don’t make my boyfriends babysit with me so early in the relationship.”

“No problem.” He smiled and tugged you closer into his side. “I love hanging out with those kids. And there’s no place I’d rather be than with you, babe.”

Your face got hot at the pet name. You’d never get used to someone calling you that. It’d been so long. “You’ve gotta be careful calling me babe. I might just fall for you.”

“Huh.” It was barely a whisper, but you heard every word. “Maybe that’s the goal.”

You walked in silence once again, a comfortable, gentle silence, with only the sound of leaves crunching under your shoes and rustling in the breeze, until Mat came to a stop in front of a tall building.

"So, this is my place."

"Yeah?"

"So I should probably call you that Uber…"

"Probably." But Mat made no effort to pull out his phone, his hand stayed still, laced through yours.

The air between your bodies was heavy, not with tension, not with dread, but something much, much softer. Something needy and aching, something that made your cheeks heat up and your hearts beat faster, as you took in the sight of each other. Maybe it was still the idea of being in a relationship again that had you both so flustered, had you both weak in the knees. Maybe you just couldn’t believe you had someone like this. You reached up absentmindedly to tuck a stray lock of Mat’s hair behind his ear, to shake away some of the flurries, giggling softly with him as his hand bumped into yours while reaching up to do the same to you.

“Hey there.”

Mat let out a warm puff of air, a soft sigh, his eyes melting into warm, honey-like pools as he gazed down to you, “Hey.”

“It’s chilly.” You began, but your words were cut off. Cut off by the feeling of a warm palm against your cheek, tilting your head up to meet a pair of lips in a gentle touch. It wasn’t a kiss, not yet, but rather a question. A murmur of hope and a suggestion, a gentle urging to follow him, to dip your toe in and try out the waters, maybe swim with him. And as he began to back up, having asked his question and letting you free to ponder it, your hand unlaced from his and you stretched up on your tiptoes to grasp his cheek. Your hands were small and soft against his cheeks, the tips of your fingers tracing his pretty cheekbones and cupping his jawline and tugging him closer to you, sliding back to the black hair at the back of his neck. A perfect fit. Like yin and yang.

He sighed out against your mouth as you sunk into him, his own lips curling up in a smile as his hands came up to cup you against him in this gentle embrace. Cradling the back of your neck, his fingers chilly and making you shiver as they dipped under your hair.

And when you finally broke apart from what felt like an eternal embrace that had no boundaries, Mat leaned his forehead down against yours, his eyes gentle and sleepy and warm as he gazed into you, and wow, he was so beautiful. He was breathing softly against your lips, as if the kiss had knocked the air from his lungs with its power, no matter how delicate and precious, and each warm puff of air he sighed against your lips made you smile.

“I- uhh,” He laughed sheepishly, reaching his hand up to thread through his hair- a nervous habit you’d realized a while ago. “I kinda forgot to ask if I earned that kiss yet.”

It was your turn to laugh now, sinking back down to your flat feet and leaning up to press a kiss onto his chin. “You did.”

He laughed at your little peck to his chin and pulled you into an embrace, entwining your bodies together and sharing your warmth, not caring who might be able to see you. There it was, he had his kiss. It was better than he'd ever had, better than he could've ever hoped for and better than he ever imagined. And it was with you. Your fingers were combing through his hair, and it was making him sleepy, and he wanted nothing more than to have someone to sleep next to tonight, to watch the snow fall outside his bedroom window from where they lay together in the comfort of his sheets. He wanted the comfort, the coziness, the peace, the softness. And he wanted it with you.

"Well, I hate to ruin the moment," you started, turning to look up at him "But you should probably call that uber soon. Before I freeze to death out here."

"Mhm."

But Mat did nothing, he stayed where he was, gazing down at you and glancing up at his apartment, eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Hey, Mat? Whatcha thinking?" He looked down at you again as you continued to thread your fingers through his dark locks, seeming to have made up his mind about something. With a sigh and a smile, he held your hips and pulled you against him, leaned down, ghosting his lips against yours once more and making your heart pound at the sound of his whisper:

"Stay the night?"

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid 193

193 When Lance fell asleep, their roles had reversed. Keith calling Shiro to check in, after overhearing how they hadn’t really talked to anyone. The conversation with his brother wasn’t that long due to him not wanting to leave Lance. Knowing Krolia, whatever advice she’d given him was probably shit, though, as Lance had said, his mother was probably the closest person he could turn to advice for this. Coran may have had a pretty interesting past, but as far as Keith knew, he’d never been on the end of being pregnant. Pidge... wasn’t exactly maternal, and Allura... was Allura. She’d make a good mother... in her own way. Maybe this trip would have been better if they’d invited the others? Not so much Rieva and Matt, but Pidge and Hunk. “Keith?”Hearing Lance call his name, he forced himself out the bathroom. It was now closer to dusk than to dawn. Lance had needed time to cry out his frustrations“Hey, beautiful. How are you feeling?”“Better... thirsty... and sorry”Sorry because they hadn’t been to see his dad yet... Keith was slightly annoyed by that fact, but not mad. Lance hadn’t asked for his ego to start being a pain in the arse, and with all the stress he’d been putting himself under, he really needed the rest“Do you want some blood?”“We didn’t do my injection”Fuck. He hadn’t thought of that“Do you want to go the bathroom, and I’ll get it organised?”“Okay” It felt like nothing now to draw a bit of blood for Lance’s injections. The fear of the curse had lessened. Lance would have never tried to feed off Matt or Rieva, even in a desperate situation. But whether it be luck, or Lance’s own curse, it seemed to kill the werewolf curse before it could turn their twins. Maybe Lance had a point about some of their more careless activities? They shouldn’t be able to stand being in the same room, they both shared moments with their egos that really hurt, but he hadn’t been thinking of his own safety since turning. Just the safety of everyone they called family. Coming back from the bathroom, Lance sat beside him on their bed. Resting his against Keith’s shoulder, he sighed softly “Okay... inject away”The injection always only took a moment. In, inject, out, then Lance would rub at the healing mark. His boyfriend sighing again, overthinking things“You needed to let it out”“I know. I feel like I’ve brought the whole mood down and I hate it. You must be starving”Yep. He was. His metabolism was something crazy. The amount of food he consumed was frankly scary“I’m okay. Here, have some blood and we can think about getting something to eat”“I thought I had this planned. You know? We’d have breakfast, than go see your dad. Clean his grave up. Talk to him... A mental breakdown wasn’t scheduled”“Are they ever? Did mum help?”“She’s no Mami when it comes to advice. She said to chuck my fear out the window”Keith snorted“Right. Because it’s totally that easy. Was she okay?” They didn’t know if she was coming or not. Not with her work schedule. Keith kind of hoped she would, yet she’d made indications of it. Like, would he even recognise his father’s grave? And what did he say? “Yeah. She was her usual self. I called her for advice, but I know she was disappointed it wasn’t you”“Nah. She loves you. I think she even likes you better than me”“She’s your mum. She loves you. She’s pretty worried how this is affecting you. I could tell”“I’m okay... kind of. I’m getting there. Umm... Nothing time with my beautiful boyfriend won’t fix” Lance groaned at him“Babe, you don’t have to try so hard. It’s okay. I’m hardly beautiful... I’m like... the very definition of a wreck right now”“You’ll be okay. Here, wrist or um... neck?”“Wrist... sorry... it’s just easier in this position”“Don’t be sorry. I’m not sorry”He’d noticed something. Lance only liked to feed on his neck when they were making out or in the heat of things. His fingers when Lance was trying to be quite mid do“I am. I love you so much. So so much. I neglected your safety... and you’re still being... so good to me”“Idiot. I love you. Your hunger won’t last forever. I should have gotten some blood into while you slept... it’s bad to let your... um... levels drop”“I’ll be okay. They’re still okay... I think one of them tried to break my rib when I was in the bathroom” Keith loved hearing the twins were moving. Even when it was uncomfortable for Lance, he felt like he was hearing cute stories he wouldn’t be able to forget. He didn’t think he had the patience to be pregnant... which only made him prouder of strength Lance showed“They take after you. All silent and deadly”“Babe, I’m not a fart”Keith hadn’t thought of that, chuckling as he shook his head“I know. You smell awful in a good way. Not like my lactose farts”“Eh. They’re part of you. A couple of wads of tissue up my nose and you’d never tell”“I’ll remember that for next time. Here, eat something. Don’t be afraid if you need a little more” That was something else Keith noticed. Lance took care with the amount of blood he took from him, but the volume seemed like it would be a lot for a human. Very rarely he felt light headed, questioning if he’d be conscious if he was still human. He’d never tell Lance. He’d freak out immediately, plus fluids and a good meal had him back in shape in no time. Lance moaned as he bit into Keith’s wrist, reminding him he’d have to make more of an effort. Maybe it’d be for the best if he ran an IV line for Lance tonight, just to get his hunger knocked on the head completely. Pulling off, Lance lapped at the trails of bloodied spit left on Keith’s arm. The wounds starting to heal instantly“Better?”Catching a few small beads pushed out by the healing wound, Lance hummed “Mmm... I know this isn’t comfortable for you”It shouldn’t have been hot, but it was. It stroked his pride to provide for their boyfriend the one thing he needed above all else“I’m fine, babe. As long as you’ve had enough”“Yeah... I’m good. I’m still sorry. I think I’ve been taking more and more of late”“Nah, it’s fine. But I was thinking we should probably set you up with an IV later, seeing how little you ate today. You need to keep your fluids up”“But keeping my fluids out means I have to pee”Whining at him, Lance was too cute“I love you and your walnut sized bladder anyway”“I think it’s more like a grape at this stage. I’m sorry my ego chuckled a wobbly... and that we spent most of today in bed”“There’s nothing more that I love, than spending the day in bed with you”“Pervert. I’m serious though. I don’t want to be scared like that. I want to see where you grew up. I want to know everything about you. All of it”“You might not like all of it”“I don’t know. I think we both know that I’m like crazy stupid in love with you and all those little things that drive me crazy only make me love you more” Keith groaned softly. He’d become weak to Lance. Last real story he had left to share with his boyfriend was the night Shiro saved his arse. Lance knew most of it. Keith couldn’t remember what he’d told him, nor was he sure why he’d never told him all of it. Being on the streets had taken a toll, and the thought of a warm bed and decent shower left him going with people he already knew were no good for him. They’d offered him a good time when he’d been so completely done with fighting to be alive“Alright. How about we go get dinner and figure things out from there”“Mmmm... sounds good to me. Let me change, then we’ll go”“I probably need to freshen up too”“I hate to say it but we both kind of stink” From sweat. Under the blankets left them both sweating in their sleeps. Lance smelt deader than ever, with Keith not far off. Personally he didn’t mind stinking of Lance, but Lance felt like he needed to do more to protect Keith with things like being careful with his scent“Want to take first shower while I look for somewhere good to eat?”“Sounds like a plan... I... don’t know if I’ll freak out again”“It’s okay. If you do, we can totally go. I know we’re here to see my dad, but your safety and comfort comes first. I don’t want you to think you have to hide things from me”“I know. I won’t take too long”“Don’t go rushing. The last thing we need is for you to slip. That sounded harsher than what I meant”Lance shook his head at him“It’s okay, we both know I’m a klutz. I’ll be careful. We’ve come this far. I’m not about to risk them”“I’m worried about you, too. I don’t want you being hurt”“I’ll be fine... Let me freshen up, then you can take me out for dinner” Lance kissed Keith’s wrist where he’d fed. Keith couldn’t believe the passage of time since meeting Lance had moved so fast. It must have been a year now, or very close to a year. This time last year, he’d have thought himself turned and cursed with a single bite. The Blades really did teach some total bullshit when he stopped to consider all of things he hadn’t thought of before. He’d been such a dumb arse. Luckily he had Lance to set him straight... or not so straight... though he wasn’t sure what he was as it was Lance he loved and not only his physical body. Realising how easily he could fall into an internal debate over all of that, he gave a shake of his head. Lance said he’d let him take him to dinner, so that’s what he was going to do. *Holding Keith’s hand, the freshness of the night felt nice against Lance’s skin. Keith either hadn’t bothered looking up somewhere else to eat, or he’d been trying to please Lance, resulting in dinner at the same restaurant they’d had breakfast at. This time Lance figured out what was wrong with the place. As they’d finished dinner, the waitress had come to collect to their plates, on her arm balanced by the nozzle was a bottle of orange scented surface spray. Being a public restaurant, smells of all sorts bombarded his senses from the moment they walked. With so many scents, he hadn’t consciously noticed the orange surface spray. The fact that Sendak still held such a hold over him left Lance unable to enjoy his meal. The atmosphere of the restaurant was good, Pidge would have loved the idea of sneakily signing them up for the weekend Karaoke competition, then abusing everyone heckling her over bad singing... He missed those days. He missed not being pregnant and not fearing his scent. Heck, he missed ghost hunting. He missed watching Pidge get super enthused as Hunk prayed for it all to be over. The restaurant was the kind of place he could see himself having a few quite drinks had the place been in Garrison. The kind of place that Sal’s had been to them before he’d had to hideaway his changing body. The Lord knew he was looking forward the day they could all go out again. He was going to order the biggest, greasiest, slimiest, cheesiest pizza in existence. Maybe even have Sal get some cigarette ash in there for that true diner flavour... “Want to take a walk?”No. Maybe... He wanted to go home to bed... but he’d spent the day in the hotel room. Staring past Keith, the stars twinkled over the town as if trying to say that nothing bad could ever happen here, which was a bold faced lie if ever there was one. Keith drew strength from the moon, and both of them had eye sight sharp enough to walk around in the dark safely enough... plus... it’d give them time to get the layout of the town down... His boyfriend seemed to be oblivious to internal wavering, Lance wondering if this was his way of easing into things he either wanted to tell, or easing into seeing his father... or even a chance to cover his arse when Shiro asked how much of the town they’d gone out and seen“Sure. There’s a park a few blocks down. I saw it on the town map”“You saw a town map?”“Did you really not look this place up at all? They have a similar lay out to Garrison, which makes sense in a way... they were both trade posts at some time, though I’ve got not idea what they could have pulled out of all the sand”“I didn’t even know that much. It’s like... all I remember is the shack... all of it feels like being on another planet”Lance slid his hand into Keith’s “It’s a good thing I’m here to keep you grounded. Don’t even think about packing your bags for another planet. You’re not leaving me behind”“I’m sure that if I ever got spirited away into space, you’d be right there with me”“Yep. Probably screaming my head off the whole time too”“I think I would be too. Let’s go, I’ll follow your lead”“Don’t you always?” Keith kissed his cheek. Lance blushing lightly as his boyfriend replied “yep”, followed by two more kisses on his cheek. Lance would follow Keith to the ends of the Earth, with Keith just as happy to follow him instead. Unless one of them made the decision, they’d be following each other around in circles for the rest of their lives... That didn’t actually sound too bad... Walking down to the park, the town had a nice vibe to it. Lance felt bad for whoever was in charge of cleaning the park’s rubbish bin after his dinner decided to make a reappearance before they’d reached the toilets towards the middle of the park. Cleaning up, and using the facilities, the pair of them settled themselves down on the swings. It’d been months since he’d been on a swing set, in Cuba, yet it had to be longer for Keith. Dragging his feet in the sand to make a heart, he supposed they looked like a couple of kids up to no good. He’d seen enough memes that he knew adults missed swing sets, and he knew he definitely counted in their ranks. Pushing off lightly, the chain creaked under his weight. A memory of Veronica coming to mind from back when having a baby brother that was a vampire was something cool. He’d wanted to go higher and higher, the pegs of the swing set shaking, so Luis and Marco held it down as he swung as high as he could get. He’d been sure if he’d gotten a little higher he could have looped the chain around the top, but Papi had lost it at the four of them“You seem happy”“Mmm. I like swings”Letting the swing slow naturally, Lance grinned at his boyfriend mischievously. They had the whole playground to themselves “What about you? What’s your favourite piece of playground equipment?” Keith hummed. He’d been making a mound between his shoes, trying to keep the sand from slipping back down “I hate the monkey bars”“Oh? What’d they ever do to you?”“A shit kid at one of the families threw a rock at me because I could pull myself up to sit on top of them. It hit me in the head and I fell off backwards”“Wow. That kid sounds like a wanker”Keith nodded, expression semi serious “They were. I got in trouble for falling off”“That’s kind of what kids do though. They play and climb... it’s what kids are supposed to do”Keith sighed, before shaking his head“It doesn’t matter now. I can’t even remember their face, let alone why they through the rock”“They were probably jealous because you’re so much cooler than them. I bet you were a totally rad kid. I wish I’d known you then” Lance didn’t think about what he’d said. He felt like kicking himself as Keith mumbled “Right. The fucked up orphan no body wanted was a “rad kid””“Hey. No. No. That is not on you. Not at all. Adults are supposed to be there and be the strong ones. Not kids. I sincerely wish I could lord over every single person who hurt you, how fucking amazing you are”Keith gave a scoff of disbelief. Lance saddened that his boyfriend’s anxiety had gotten to him this badly. Climbing off his swing, the vampire wrinkled his nose at the sand pouring into his shoes as he moved to stand behind Keith“What are you doing?”“I’m going to push you?” Wasn’t that obvious? He’d waddled his pregnant arse all the way behind Keith. The only logical conclusion was he was going to push him on the swing“You don’t have to”“Maybe I want to? Maybe I want to play in the park because there’s no one else around. No bad scents. No blood. No spirits. No yucky feelings other than the sand under my socks...”“It is a nice park”“Right? Now, hold on” Pushing Keith on the swing, Keith gradually loosened up, even starting to laugh as Lance backed off and watched“You can do it, babe!”“I’m totally going to jump off, you know that, right?”“It’s like an unwritten law of swinging, seeing how far you can jump”“I think I have an advantage...”“Doesn’t matter. I’m totally challenging you to a swing off once these two are born”“That’s not fair, you’ve got wings”Lance huffed. They had a mind of their own, much like the rest of his body “Which are mostly useless. I can’t even fly around as a bat”“That’s fine. Ready?”“Go for it!” Keith jumped a little too soon, half faceplanting in the sand. With the way he landed, Lance rushed to his side to find his boyfriend laughing“Are you okay?”“I fucked that up”Kicking Keith lightly in the side with the toe of his shoe, his boyfriend rolled over, smiling like an idiot. Lance’s heart had stopped with the way Keith landed, now the idiot was smiling so happy he felt all warm inside “You had me worried!”“I guess I’m not that great at sticking the landing”“You weren’t that great at jumping. You went before the swing was at the right height!”“You make it sound like you’re training me for the Olympics” Channeling the best sports commentator voice he could, Lance’s voice wobbled slightly as he tried not to laugh at how funny he was“You don’t get at a ten-point-zero for your landing. Zero style. Very simplistic. Could this spell the end for Keith Kogane’s budding career before he even goes professional?”Keith laughed. A proper unguarded laugh. Lance feeling the luckiest man in the world to hear it “I’m being serious!”“Uh huh. Sure you are. You know, the stars are really pretty. I feel like I can see them way better than before”“That’s because all your senses increased. Werewolves and vampires are kind of night creatures”“I still don’t know how to turn into a wolf. I don’t know if it counts”“It totally does... Now, are you getting up? Or should I pick you up in the morning?”Keith patted the sand next to him“You could come down here”“Or you could come up here... I’m too pregnant to deal with sand”“Fair point. We have the whole park to ourselves... I don’t think I’ve ever really... just... you know...” That Keith hadn’t played on a playground saddened Lance. Even as an adult, playgrounds were still fun. With no one around to watch them, there was no point being responsible adults“You know, there’s a slide over there... and a flying fox...”“Babe...”Keith tried to dismiss the idea, Lance using “boyfriend” which proved very effective. Damn Pidge. She’d gone and put that back into his head at her birthday party“Come on, it’ll be fun. I mean, I probably can’t use the spinner, not unless you want to scramble the twins, but the slide never gets old”“Fine, but if we get in trouble, you’re taking the blame”Lance shrugged. They weren’t violating any laws that he knew of. They weren’t intoxicated. Nor were they committing property damage or trespassing“The lawyer in me tells me it’s going to be okay”“I’ll remember that when I get my one phone-call”“You better. Though it would be a conflict of interest to represent you, so let’s not get in trouble?” The did indeed get into trouble. Keith got wedged in the kids slide, and Lance was too tall for the flying fox, so that was disappointing. They were still messing around when the lights of a cruiser flashed red and blue, the two of them called over by a police officer who looked unable to catch them, even if they had been human. Swallowing down his fear, Lance took Keith by the hand, walking him over to the officer when Keith kept telling him they should run. Getting closer, the man clearly didn’t expect two fully grown adults to be playing in the park so late at night. “Officer, how are you tonight?”Putting on an air of responsibility, Lance felt he’d be the more convincing adult of the pair of them“I had a call about teenagers mucking around in the park. Want to tell me about it?”Keith snorted with laughter, Lance stepping on his foot to shut him up“That was us, sir. I’m sorry if we created a disturbance. We’re on holiday, you know, before the twins come, and wanted to have a little fun. I had no idea we we’re causing a disturbance” Keith tried to muffle his laughter, Lance mentally rolling his eyes at his boyfriend who was clearly upsetting the police officer. Huffily, the man asked“So I’m not going to find any of that junky paraphernalia you young people are into these days?”“No, sir. I know we might look young, but I’m 46 and my boyfriend here is 28. No drugs, or alcohol, sir”The man looked them up and down, Lance waited for something along the lines of “I wouldn’t lie to a police officer, if I was you”. Instead the man sighed“Look. You can’t be playing in the park at midnight. You’re obviously not locals. You staying at the hotel?”“Yes, sir. My boyfriend is a photographer, we’re travelling to work on his portfolio. Sorry. We wanted to have a little fun with no one around”“I’ll have you save that sort of fun for a more appropriate environment. Get in the back, I’ll give you both a ride back”Lance immediately shook his head“We’re both able to walk back...”“That wasn’t an invitation. We get a lot of blow ins for this damn Easter festival the town insists on having. The last thing I need is the pair of you thinking your entitled to cause trouble. Get in” Lance felt like a scolded school child as he did as he was told, Keith sliding in beside him, though his boyfriend still thought they should run. Clipping their belts in obediently, Lance bit his bottom lip. Maybe they’d gotten carried away? He didn’t think they were being too loud. All they’d been doing was acting like idiots. They hadn’t damaged any property... plus Keith had gotten on the spinner, which had been hilarious given how much strength he could put into a spin. His boyfriend had gotten off with shaky legs, tripped, fell in the grass and burst out laughing. Lance knew he should stay quiet, but this was a golden chance“Excuse me, have you been an officer here very long?”The man met his eyes before pulling away from the park curb“Long enough” Damn. He wasn’t giving him anything“Do you happen to know anything about the fire that took place here about 20 years ago?”Keith’s heart started racing harder. Yeah. He should have been considerate about Keith’s feelings, but this was like the perfect chance“Oh, I know about that fire alright. One dead. 250,000 dollars worth of damages. I don’t know why you’re bringing that up, but you’re best dropping it. A lot of people were hurt by that incident. Damn candle left unattended. The place went up faster than a whore’s knickers drop”“If one wanted to know about the fire, is there a local registrar office?” The office pressed the breaks suddenly, instead of gently stopping at the stop sign“Look. I’m sure you’re nice... whatever you are. But what happened that day is no laughing matter. We lost one of our own that day. It’s an ugly scar on the history of this town and I won’t have the pair of you treating it like a joke”Whelp. He’d gone and made him angry“I mean absolutely no disrespect. It’s such a horrible thing to have happened. When you saw you lost one of your own, I assume you mean an officer?” Resuming driving, the man sighed at him as if he was stupid, their eyes meeting again in the rear view mirror “No. Not an officer. One of our local fire fighters. They tried to stop the blazing jumping house, when the second floor came down. Horrible tragedy. We lost a fine man that day”“Did you know him?”“Aye, we all did. Bit of a loner. Kept to himself, especially after his missus skipped town. Heeee... had a boy from memory. Hard worker though. That boy... he was tiny thing of a kid. Still, he gave everything he could to that boy. He ended up vanishing, just like his mother. Couldn’t tell ya where she went. Up and vanished as suddenly as she appeared here. No idea how the pair of them met, and before we knew it, she was up the duff, then gone a couple of years later. Couldn’t handle the stresses of being a parent, if you ask me anything about it”“And all of this is public record?”“Bits and pieces. Look. I won’t tell you again, losing Joe hurt a lot of people here. He was a good man. Kind of man you never really knew what was thinking. But when he saw his boy, he’d light up like a goddamn Christmas tree. Loved that kid, he did. He was real torn up when his woman shot through, but never blamed his boy. We often used to wonder what happened to that kid, ah, but I suppose it’s one of those things you’d never know” The officer was letting his accent show. Keith seemed on the edge of tears“Say we didn’t want to drop it, is there anyone from around there that we can talk to about it”The man fixed him with a glare“People move on. Dredging that up again is only going to cause pain. If I hear you two are stirring up trouble because your curious over something that is none of your business, I will escort you out of town meself” That mean there were indeed people out there who’d been around at the time of the fire and may remember Keith, and his father... and that the council office should have record that’d help them place the pieces of that day together. The last few minutes of the drive was in silence. The officer having to squidge himself out the door in order to open the back door of the cruiser to let them out. The man really didn’t know what to make of Lance, he got it. He looked like a woman and sounded like a man. Some people were so damn backwards that they couldn’t accept change. Lance still opting to be polite, on the off chance they crossed paths again “Thank you for the ride. We’re sorry we caused you trouble”“Don’t let it happen again. There’s laws about these kinds of things. Consider yourselves both lucky and warned”“Yes, sir. Thank you” As the police cruiser left, Keith collapsed against him, sniffling as tears rolled down his face. His boyfriend wrapping his arms around him with a little too much force“Babe?”“He... loved me”With his arms pinned, Lance could only raise his hand enough to pat Keith’s arm “Yeah, babe. He did. I’m sorry I didn’t ask if it was okay to ask, but the opportunity to know something more was right in front of us”“He... he still went back in... he...”“He loved you. He loved you, and I know I’m not him. I could never know what he was thinking, but I think all he wanted to do was stop the fire before more people were hurt”“He left me”“Not by choice. You heard that guy. He loved you. He adored you. And he was so proud to be your dad. You... you were loved. You are loved”“Can we go back to the room?”Lance’s heart was breaking for his boyfriend. Sure, they’d learned a little and tomorrow Lance wanted to hit up the council to dig up whatever he could on Keith’s father’s past, but right now...“I was thinking the same thing. I want to hold you”“Please?”“Always, babe. Always and forever” ReplyForward

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

Diary of  A Star Crossed Lover

just a short series...well not really a series...but still a series!, that ive been working on! there are a few series i’’ve had to put on hold as im just not feeling them right now, and i only want to put my best out for you to read! hope you enjoy this series as much as i have enjoyed writing it!

Pairing: Liam x Riley, Liam x MC

Summary: Liam dives into riley most inner thoughts and dreams...

Word Count: 1,822

Masterlist

ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance!

Tags aren’t working so I will be tagging in the comments. Ive tried to tag everyone, please don’t hesitate to msg and let me know if i forgot to tag you! 

It had been a long day for the Queen in waiting, she had nothing but classes, meetings, anything and everything that could possibly prepare her for being Queen of Cordonia. 

Riley was just getting out of the shower when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. Riley wrapped her dressing gown around her then made her way to the door. When she opened the door she was met with Liam's face.

“Liam! Hi” she grinned

“Hi” he blushed realising she was stood in only her dressing gown. “I can go if I’m disturbing you”

“oh be quiet, come in” she smiled as she stepped aside to let him past, shutting the door behind him “Just give me a few minutes” she smiled as she made her way into her bathroom, shutting the door over after her.

Liam looked around at her things scattered across the room, chuckling to himself, this was Riley's room, he most definitely wasn’t surprised at the mess of things.

It was just about a week since Liam had proposed to Riley in new York, since then they had been inseparable.

As Liam went to sit down, he felt something underneath him causing him to move over, he looked over to see a green notebook. He lifted it up and opened the front cover, seeing Riley's name he realised it was some kind of diary…he quickly closed it over again not wanting to intrude on her privacy. It was just then that Riley walked out of the bathroom in some lounge pants and a vest top. She seen Liam just as he was putting the diary back down. Liam knew she had seen him so he mentioned it before she could bring it up.

“I’m sorry…I promise I didn’t read anything, as soon as I seen it was a diary I put it down.”

“it’s alright, I mean, you can read it if you want” she stated as she pulled her hairbrush through her short blonde hair “that’s the diary I kept during the social season and through your engagement to madeleine” she added as she made her way over to him. “so I can guarantee there’s some juicy pages about you” she winked with a grin as she leaned down, placing a kiss on his lips. “you’re going to be my husband; I don’t have anything to hide from you”

“Juicy pages about me you say?” he smirked as he cupped her cheeks in his hands.

“just a few” she giggled before giving him a kiss.“are you staying here tonight?” she asked hopeful that she wasn’t going to have to sleep alone again, she made her way over to her dresser where she started applying her moisturiser.

“I shouldn’t…I can get into a lot of trouble” he whispered as he stood from the sofa and made his way over to her, placing his hands on her waist and pressing his lips to her shoulder.

“that wasn’t a no” she laughed “I understand why, I just…we’re getting married, Liam, we’ve already slept together, we’re going to spend the rest of our lives sleeping together”

“I know…im dying for you to move into my quarters with me…”

“then whats stopping us?”

“the court”

“the court can kiss my ass! You’re the King of Cordonia, you can literally take a man’s life and not get into trouble…but moving in with your fiancé…your soon to be wife is so bad!”

“I know, it’s ridiculous!”

“then do something about it” she smirked as she turned into his hold. “so I’ll ask again…are you staying with me tonight…all night?”

Liam grinned as he looked down at Riley, “yeah…ill stay with you…all night…I promise”

“good, because it’s pretty cold tonight so I’m going to need my human radiator”

“then I am at your service!” he smirked as he crouched and wrapped his arms around her legs and lifted her over his shoulder

“Liam!!” Riley laughed as he made his way over to the bedroom, he dropped her onto the bed with a chuckle .

“I take it, it’s bedtime then?” she smirked

“yes, but we won’t be doing much sleeping” Liam informed with a smirk as he threw himself down beside her. The two spent the remainder of the night entangled in each other.

It was early hours of the morning Liam had awoken and couldn’t get back to sleep. He sighed as he turned onto his side, Riley's diary caught the corner of his eye. He stretched as he sat himself up then lifted the leather book. He put his reading glasses on then opened it.

 June 12th

Dear Diary…

Some days are easy some days are tough. Today was one of those tough days…For years I have suffered from anxiety…questioning every little thing I say or do, or things that other people say and do to me. I awoke this morning and I felt so mentally drained, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to do anything. I couldn’t do anything.

What I find strange…what annoys me the most, is I know I shouldn’t dwell on things that have happened, I know I shouldn’t dwell on the past, I cant change anything so why let it get me down…but that feeling of anxiousness, dread and fear just takes over not just your head but your whole body, you feel so tired and drained, you feel awful, but there’s nothing you can do to change it, just end up falling into a deeper hole, the more you think about it. I just want to have one full day where I don’t feel like shit, 24 hours where I can just be happy and not overthink EVERYTHING! …Maybe one day.

Love you Muchly, Riley

Liam's heart sank as he read about Riley's struggles. Liam looked over at his wife, he gently tucked a fallen piece of hair behind her ear as she slept. “I love you” he whispered. He flipped the page over then grinned when he seen the date

June 13th

Dear Diary

I met the most AMAZING man! Liam…His name was Liam. The second I seen him, I felt like my heart stopped…how can you feel that way about a total stranger…then he spoke and I nearly fell right into his arms, I could barely talk! It honestly felt like I was talking to someone I had known for years. After my shift, Liam asked if I could show them wheres good to go in town, instead I took them to the cove on the beach, it was amazing, Drake was building fires, Maxwell was running rampant, and Liam and I got the spend some more time together. conversation with him was so easy, when he told me he wanted to see the statue of liberty before he left for Cordonia, oh did I forget to mention…hes a king…A KING!, I couldn’t pass up the chance to fulfil a dream! Especially one of Liam's! we kissed…Liam and I Kissed…sparks everywhere, it was like electricity flowed through us it was crazy…my heart was pounding in my chest, I’m surprised he didn’t hear it! it was the most amazing Kiss ive ever had!...but now…he’s gone…gone to get married…and whoever it is that gets the privilege of being his wife…well she’s the luckiest woman in the world and she better cherish him because he’s a damn good egg!

Love you Muchly, Riley x

Liam's cheeks had flustered, reading Riley's first thoughts about him.

“Liam?” Riley questioned as she turned over realising he wasn’t sleeping.

“I’m here sweetheart, go back to sleep”

“what are you doing up?”

“I woke and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I’m doing a little light reading” he grinned, Riley shuffled closer to her, pulling the duvet over her a little more.

“did you start from the beginning?” she asked as she sat up and lifted his arm, ducking her head under it to cuddle into him.

“of course” he replied as he held her a little tighter

“it was like electricity flowed through us, it was crazy…my heart was pounding in my chest, I’m surprised he didn’t hear it! It was the most amazing kiss I’ve ever had”

Riley blushed as she buried her face into his chest.

“I didn’t need to hear it…I felt it” he grinned as he lifted her hand in his and placed it over his heart.

“and I want you to know, that if you ever feel anxious, or like your having a bad day, I want you to tell me…I want you to confide in me, because I will ALWAYS be here for you no matter what, if I have to drop a meeting at last minute…I will, if I have to cancel an outing to help you…I will, being queen is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, it may not seem like it from all the pleasantries, but I can tell you right now, it’s the most stressful job to have bestowed upon you, you will need someone to confide in, and I am more than happy to be that someone, whether it be country related or just in our personal lives, I will be here for you no matter what. I love you Riley, I have from the minute I met you” he whispered

“I love you so much” she replied in the same tone.

Liam closed the diary over and placed it back on the side table, then he scooted back down to lay down properly as Riley done the same. The two cuddled together as they fell back to sleep.

 The next morning Riley groaned as she turned over pulling the duvet around her to keep her warm, as she went to cuddled into Liam, she was met with an empty bed, she frowned as her eyes flickered open and seen Liam was gone. Riley sighed as she climbed from the bed, pulling her robe on along with her slippers, then she made her way towards the bathroom, picking up everything she needed for her morning shower on the way. Riley walked in, shutting the door behind her, she removed her slippers then her robe as she turned around, she squealed seeing a very naked Liam in the shower smirking.

“JESUS! FOR GODSAKES LIAM I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU! YOU’RE LUCKY I DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING IN MY HANDS TO HIT YOU WITH!”

Liam laughed as he poked his head out. “it was too funny! Your face has literally made my day! will you come join me?” he reached his hand out to her.

Riley agreed as she took his hand and stepped into the shower.

“you’re an asshole! I thought you left me in the middle of the night”

“I told you I wouldn’t leave, I promised!” he laughed as Riley stood under the falling water.

“I know, and I believed you, but then I woke up to an empty bed and I thought you left.” She frowned as she wrapped her arms around his chest.

“hey…” Liam whispered “have I ever broke my promises to you?”

“no”

“then you have no reason to doubt me” he smiled as he leaned down to place a kiss on her head.

[rigelmejo]

6/28 I DID A LOT

WOOH

WOOH

I talked in chinese today! For around a half hour!! AHHHHHHHH

ANYWAY

AHHHHHHH

IM SO HAPPY I WAS UNDERSTANDABLE AHHGGHGSIUSJAJEJDJEEJIE

So first of all I practiced with Google translate today beforehand (lol yes machine translate isn’t perfect). I clicked the app, clicked transcribe, spoke in chinese then saw if the English translation it was producing was close enough to what I was trying to mean to say. (Also I learned chinese transcribe will need to process for a few moments if you play Chinese audio like from a podcast because at first it will give you a sucky transcription lol and then correct itself). Anyway so I did that and quickly learned: Google translate WILL fucking think I am speaking sentences when I’ve only said a couple words of my sentence because I pause “too long” so when I tried thinking of tones or grammar I spoke too fucking slow for the app so BAM I had to speak faster for the app just to comprehend me. So I did not practice Thinking about how the fuck to say things right much, just how to recall words on a fucking speed time limit lol. So uh that was an experience. I’ll definitely say that my 学习普通话 app is way better for me actually practicing pronunciation with any success, because Google just will NOT tolerate me speaking slowly goddamn.

Anyway so then tonight I spoke with my language partner. Well

WELL

good news: I was understood, I was told I sound pretty standard and they can tell I maybe imitate some peoples phrases and words from shows I watch (which in this case is a compliment since they said weeks ago when I asked how they improved their standard mandarin accent for a speech competition that’s what They did and the kind of shadowing they suggested I try doing more for accent work).

My grammar and word choice was understandable (I KNOW I wasn’t perfect and there were fucking mistakes Especially just notable spots where I forgot common words and tried to talk Circles around those words to describe them since I know Enough words to kind of “explain around” and come up with a more word description of a simple word I forgot sometimes but fuck is it probably awkward to listen to. Like I forgot “back then/at that time” so I said “the time when I was in high school” or “in high school I..” just because I couldn’t say “that time” on the spot, also fucking I forgot how to say “also” and “or” in certain ways and just had to figure out a different way to make my point like “this is like that” or “not the same” ToT).

Anyway regardless it’s a real big accomplishment to me. Reasons being: 1. I’ve never talked in chinese that long straight or to someone else communicating, or telling stories about my life and asking questions and actually testing my fucking communication abilities past small talk. Even talking alone to myself it’s just phrases or small situations where if I forget a word I just stop, so this was huge for me. 2. I did not have time to think about tones period while talking today with my language partner so like being comprehensible is!!!! GREAT. Considering I tried speaking to a language partner simple common word tone pair examples or very simple small talk at 5 months into learning and remember being incomprehensible like 50% of the time. Versus me now a little under 2 years in so being able to simply not be constantly thinking about tones and still know I might be understood (and in this specific case was understood) is nice to know. 3. I did better at winging vocabulary and talking my way around words I didn’t know than i thought I could. 4. REALLY simply tone and grammar being comprehensible is blowing my mind on its own - I know there were many mistakes (I personally could hear my 3rd tone not always sounding right to my own ear, and know I heard a few grammar mistakes I heard after I’d made my point lol). But just being comprehensible enough for someone understand my points even if I made those mistakes was really cool. 5. I’m hoping this means all the things I’ve been doing lately: the Listening Reading, the watching shows with English subs this month while repeating some of the Chinese lines to myself, listening to audiobooks and repeating many of the lines to myself, and the weekly language exchange I’ve been doing, have all been helping to some degree. Improving production skills is not something I’ve tried studying before and so basically all that I’m doing is flailing around trying stuff and hoping something is useful. It’s nice to see something must be if I’ve managed this.

Anyway it was just very very cool to be understandable. ;-; At this time last year I was absolutely assuming it would take years to get even a little understandable. Also for now idk this proved to me to maybe just stick to shadowing for a while and Not specifically thinking of tones While actively speaking. For a while I thought of them actively which made me clearer and I think was important and helped, at this point currently I think sometimes i overthink and trying to speak from memory/more shadowing practice might help it become a bit more automatic? And then I can go back to some corrective work where I’m messing up specifically or haven’t internalized certain words/phrases tones maybe.

—

IN OTHER NEWS

today I ALSO played 4 hours of Kingdom Hearts II in Japanese WHICH WAS AN EXPERIENCE

AN EXPERIENCE IVE NEVER HAD BEFORE LIKE FUCKING THIS

So 1. EONS easier than last time I studied Japanese. For context at 2-2.5 years into studying Japanese I played the opening of KH2. I remember it was brutal, I used my phone constantly to look up words, but I got through like the opening portion to the first save point after the haunted mansion (so like is that day 2? Basically what’s usually .5-1 hour of play or less that took me a few hours back then). It was doable, kinda brutal, but also I have kh2 near to my heart so I could play it without reading when I felt drained. Now?? I had over a year break from Japanese study (maybe 2-3 years break idk). I reviewed Japanese in I think March-April 2021 this year. April/May to June (now) I’ve been studying some new material. The biggest new material being some more Nukemarine memrise decks, and Clozemaster as of this month. So like... this Eons of improvement is after a long ass gap of no study, a cram review, and some just beyond last-times-progress kind of new study. It is a HUGE difference to me in how it feels.

I did not use a dictionary at all this time. I did not play slow either, I read at a speed much more bearable, I comprehended most sentences totally (understanding words because of a mix of knowing most words, knowing the context for the words since I know KH2 WELL, knowing Hanzi from chinese, and thanks to Clozemaster of all things feeling a lot better/quicker with Japanese grammar comprehension), and a few sentences I knew the overall gist because of recognizing the Hanzi (tho they were being used in words that aren’t similar to Chinese), the grammar overall (the rough intention of the sentence), and knowing KH2 well enough to remember the main idea of th English sentence. So it was overall a much more pleasant, easygoing experience this time around playing! It was something where I COULD play 50 hours of Japanese KH2 now.

This kind of showed me some things: first that knowing a basis in chinese (for me) makes a huge difference. Kanji now make words easier for me to learn and guess. I can now recognize when some pronunciations are somewhat similar to Chinese words. I can recognize when some kanji are used to mean Different things from Chinese (since I know the English context too). I can also now actually Like and Appreciate that KH2 specifically uses kanji in some speech bubbles and scenes then hiragana for the same words at other times - it gives me a chance to use context to see both versions of the word and learn both the pronunciation and kanji a bit more. Now I have katakana English like words and kanji (in the sense of their similarities to Hanzi) and my basic grammar grasp to rely on to parse sentences which makes all of it much easier. For me chinese was just easier, and that’s now paying off also in making Japanese easier in some ways than it was before.

I also appreciate now why “prior context” and “comprehensible input” are encouraged so much. My effort level is comfortable and NOT draining, so I could’ve kept my playing for hours and I did not need a dictionary for new words because I had TONS of context. Part of this is KH2 being a game I know super well (so even back at year 2 it was doable if draining when no other video game probably would’ve been doable at all). So it makes sense now it would be the first comfortable feeling one. It is VERY comprehensible input for me, especially now with some of the Japanese improvements I’ve made.

Whereas I tried to play crisis core a month ago (doable but DRAINING in part because I knew the game so comprehensible but I didn’t HAVE the game remembered by heart like KH2 so I had to slow down to read everything slowly and figure out words much slower with no prior meaning in my head for many parts), and persona 3 (which was doable but DRAINING in part because I have little prior context compared to cc or KH2 and in part because it has so much reading). Also KH2 is easier to read than cc or persona 3 - kh2 is obviously meant for age 10+ and so the amount of text I’m required to read is shorter, a lot of conversational stuff and not layered (cc had a lot of technical paragraphs of directions for missions and persona is aimed at older teens and has much more like “think about it more long term” conversations which I struggle more to parse). Also just persona 3 has so much dialogue I started speed reading just to get to a save point which felt Draining. Whereas KH2 the reading is comfortable so I don’t read too slow, and so it doesn’t feel as draining since it’s not slow nor do I have to rush at lower comprehension to get through it - I can just read and comprehend everything as much as I can at a reasonably non draining pace.

Also I DO think Clozemaster (so kudos to u app) is actually helping noticeably. I’m doing Clozemaster Japanese by common word tracks (still in the 100 most common words sentences and almost done). I’ve been doing listening mode and then reading sentences after. I can TELL it’s helped me already with the following. I’m doing better at recognizing some grammar structure particles/words/conjugations in various forms and levels of politeness. I now have much less issue telling how to separate sentences into word/grammar functions - it makes everything just much easier to start being able to segment my sentences as I read so I can just pinpoint WHAT parts I know versus don’t know and what their rough function is (and since in KH2 I know the English lines usually it makes it way easier to guess what words mean roughly what English translation). I also read some manga during this past month that’s also helped with this skill. I noticed Clozemaster also is just helping with it a lot since in Clozemaster the politeness level varies and stuff so I’m forced to practice guessing and figuring it out more with Clozemaster sentences over and over. The listening mode has helped because I can tell that some of the most common words I can hear more instinctively now and read aloud at a more normal pace now. I still CLEARLY read over listening when the subtitles in KH2 are there if I don’t know a word, so my listening has HUNDREDS or likely thousands of hours to go (my Chinese is much much better). But I can already notice the sheer fact Clozemaster listening question mode is forcing me to 1 HEAR Japanese more (and I need like what 2000 hours listening) and 2 start recognizing more easily at least recognizing words I’ve learned when I hear them (whereas before I would struggle to hear certain words even if I’d studied just because I’d read-studied a lot but not actually heard much of those words much). Now this all isn’t a huge help with new words in KH2 since I’m learning to read them from the game but my listening isn’t picking them up or Parsing them well. But as far as IN Clozemaster: yes the constant audio word drilling is helping me recognize words by sound which is great since thanks to Chinese kanji recognition is now not intensely difficult, it’s the sound recognition and match up to spelling that’s now the major confusion for me. I mean grammar is also confusing.. and will take years... I do think Clozemaster forcing me to practice interpreting the grammar somewhat with nothing to help me is helping me at least feel less drained by the grammar. I used Clozemaster before for french and chinese at the stage between graded readers and actual native speaker material, and I think for Japanese it’s also Good for this purpose. Clozemaster is good for a lot of immersion-like sentence reading practice, with tools to make it easier like a translation and mostly words you know in each sentence. Making it a bit easier than just diving into the deep end into a random novel. I do think it helps with preparing you for less learner-tailored materials a bit while still being easier than native speaker materials so you can practice without feeling youre drowning.

anyway ahh. WOOH I PLAYED KH2 in japanese today!!! I HAD FUN

gonna do it some more.

kh2 is maybe THE original reason i started trying to learn japanese. its really fun playing it now.

—-

And finally, while I’m at it: I am ALMOST done with the Sundial arc in Guardian Listening Reading wise. I’m on chapter 17. I have like 2 days left so who knows maybe I can manage to finish the sundial arc we’ll see.

What I mostly did this month was Redo L-R chapter 1-12 with a second audiobook, read the novel print version up to chapter 12, read chapter 1-2 in the traditional print version, also read maybe 4 chapters of other random things, listened to audiobook files of stuff overall idk 20+ times while repeating after a lot of lines, did a small amount of Clozemaster chinese (mostly just Radio mode), did 30 min - 1 hour writing or speaking language exchange sessions once a week, and watch a bunch of Chinese shows with English subs this month while repeating after a lot of lines.

As you can tell my reading Amount lowered significantly since the past couple months. However, I think I’ve pushed up my listening amounts a little.

[spacesuitsforemergency]

The Rise Of Iron Maiden

Chapter 4: Failure to Launch

Word Count: 2.9k

Originally Requested by: @amateurwriterbigdreamer

Previous Chapter: We’re in the Endgame Now

Next Chapter: The Return Of Iron Maiden

A/N: this chapters kinda slow, but I gotta fill the plot. Next chapters gonna be pretty Tye heavy (mostly from his POV)

“Wrah!” Nebula stood up, putting her hands in a fighting stance.

“You don't need to do that. Because uh... you're just holding position.” Tony mimicked a football goalpost with his hands as she flicked a paper football towards him. “Oh yeah, that was close.”

“I would like to try again.”

You and Tye watched from the front of the ship, both of you previously watching the stars. Both of you are silent, neither of you wanting to talk. You were still too shaken up from the events of nearly last month. Nebula had attempted to fly you back to Earth, but the Milano broke down and now you were floating in space, hopeless.

“Fair game. Good sport. Have fun?” Your dad asked Nebula.

“It was...fun.” She nodded slowly.

“Tye, Y/N, wanna play?” Tony looked over to the two kids.

“I’m good.” Tye mumbled.

“Hey, come on.” Your dad urged. “It’s fun. Right, Nebula?”

“It is fun.” She nodded, face deadpanned. Tye sighed, but eventually joined them.

“Y/N?” Your dad offered.

“Um...I’m tired, I’m gonna go sleep for a little bit.” You give him a small smile as if to say you were okay, before retreating to the back of the ship towards the bedrooms.

You lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. You think about everyone at home, and the frustration of not knowing who was still alive. Were Eduardo, Jaime, Peter, Quill, Drax, Mantis and Doctor Strange still alive? Or did they die? Would they ever come back? Could you bring them back?

Usually Eduardo was there to tell you you were overthinking and to calm you down, but he was gone. He turned to dust in your hands, and you couldn’t do anything about it. You hated it when you couldn’t control something, much like your father. If you couldn’t protect the ones you loved, you felt useless. You felt guilty, believing it was your fault that Eduardo, Jaime and Peter were gone. You were even guilty about the Guardians of the Galaxy, even though you barely knew them.

You looked over at your pile of armor on the floor. You dragged yourself out of bed, sitting against it. You clicked a button on your helmet, and waited for it to light up.

“This thing on?” You ask nobody in particular, then let it scan you. “Alright. Hey mom. Uh...sorry for not listening to dad. Again. I should be down on Earth, I’m sorry I’m worrying you. Dad makes you do that enough already.” You chuckle softly. “Um...it’s day 22, just floating in space. The blue meanie tried to fly us back. You’d like her, she’s very practical. It’s only her, me, dad, and Tye left. He doesn’t talk much-well, not that he did before. He’s pretty broken over Jaime. Peters gone too, poor kid. Aunt Mays gonna kill him. Um...I lost Eduardo. He just...turned into dust. I couldn’t do anything about it...I really miss him, mom. I won’t miss him much longer though, in fact, I might see him in the next...48 hours of oxygen. It won’t last long with four people on here though. I didn’t think I’d die like this, it’s so pathetic.” You scoff and shake your head. “I thought I’d die saving people. I want to die saving people, that’s how I’ve always wanted to go but...nope. I’m gonna die because this piece of junk broke down in the middle of the universe. So uh...I’m gonna go play some paper football with the two grumps and dad. I’m really sorry, mom. All you do is put up with our shit, and tell us when to stop. I should’ve listened this time.” You go to turn it off, quickly saying, “I love you.”

You fall back against the bed, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. The low oxygen levels are already effecting you, which meant your dad and friend were both feeling them too. You wanted to go join them, but you couldn’t move your whole body enough to do so. You lied there, staring at your Iron Maiden suit. The suit you used to save people, but you couldn’t even save yourself. You failed Eduardo. Jaime. Peter. Quill. Drax. Mantis. Doctor Strange. And who knows who else.

You feel yourself being lifted off the ground, and you look up to see Nebula. She was mostly machine, so the lack of oxygen wasn’t effecting her as bad as you. She carried you over to a couch that she had dragged into the control room, facing the window. Your dad was sitting in the middle, Tye beside him. Nebula sat you on his other side, then left.

Tony gathered enough strength to lift his arms, resting them around the two kids’ shoulders and pulling them closer to him. He wanted to comfort them, but he couldn’t speak. You all stared out at the stars, awaiting your deaths.

•

A bright light pierced your brain, making you cringe as you wake up. You open your eyes and blink until they adjust. You see a woman outside of the ship, looking in. You weakly shake your dads leg, trying to alert him. His hand rests atop of yours to tell you he’s okay, as he slowly sits up a little.

“Who’s that?” Tye mumbles, half asleep.

“Not sure, kid.” Tony replied. You pass out again, not able to hold consciousness. You wake up again when someone shakes you awake, opening your eyes to see your dads best friend, Rhodey.

“Y/N? Hey, think you can stand?” He asked softly. You nod, and he helps you to your feet you lean on him as he walks you down the ramp to outside.

“Is mom...?” You breathe out, still blinking away black spots in your vision.

“Y/N! Tony!” You hear her yell from somewhere, before Rhodey can even open his mouth. “Oh my god! Oh my god!”

Your mom practically crashed into you, holding you tightly to her. You fall into her, not having the strength to stand any longer. Your dad walks by himself over to his two girls, hugging them tightly. Back in space, he truly thought those would be his last moment, so he was eternally grateful that he got to live long enough to hold them both again.

Tye watched the scene from where Natasha was helping him stand, feeling alone. His mother was in a different dimension than him, and Tye felt like she probably didn’t even miss him.

“Nat?” He breathed out.

“What’s up?” She asked, looking down at the exhausted boy.

“You have food that isn’t freeze dried and in a silver bag, right?” He asked.

“Yeah, come on.” She chuckled, helping him walk towards the Compound.

“Don’t you two ever do that again.” Pepper began to cry.

“No promises.” Tony kissed each of his girls on top of the head, as Steve approached you guys. “Couldn’t stop him, Cap.”

“Neither could I.” Steve nodded.

“I lost the kids. Peter. Jaime. Eduardo.” Tony shook his head, guilt washing over him once again.

“Tony, we all lost.”

You’re brought into the compound, each immediately given an IV and some food. You and Tye eat like animals, not having any rations for the past couple of days. You watch a holographic screen listing the heroes that disappeared in the Decimation; Wanda Maximoff, Nick Fury, Jaime Reyes, Bucky Barnes, Peter Quill, Scott Lang, Sam Wilson, Peter Parker, T’Challa, Eduardo Dorado Jr...

“It’s been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth.” Rhodey announced.

“World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did... he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent, of all living creatures.” Natasha paced slowly in front of the holographs.

“Where is he?” You ask timidly, still nervous about him.

“We don't know. He just opened a portal and walked through.” Bruce Banner said slowly, trying to not scare the kids even more than they already were.

“What's wrong with him?” Tony asked, motioning to Thor, who was staring into space.

“Oh, he's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which of course he did, but you know there's a lot of that's going around, ain't there?” A talking raccoon spoke up from behind you.

“Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear.” Your dad pointed at him.

“You’re with him, kid? Really?” The raccoon looked at Tye.

“You know a talking raccoon?” You asked Tye, staring at the raccoon.

“He’s not a-.”

“I’m not a raccoon!” It snapped at you. “Why do you humies keep saying that?”

“We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans, and satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, Y/N, Tye, you fought him.” Steve interrupted.

“Who told you that? I didn't fight him.” Tony scoffed. “No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the store. Nearly killed my daughter, and Tye. One hit away from it, in fact. That's what happened. There was no fight.”

“Okay.”

“He was unbeatable.” Tye shook his head, and you agreed.

“Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?” Captain America asked.

“Pfft! I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming.” Tony said.

“Dad, calm down.”

“Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus.”

“And I needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late buddy. Sorry. You know what I need?” Your dad stood up, slapping things off a table. Everyone winced from the sudden noise. “I need to shave. And I believe I remember telling all youse-“

Tony lunges at Steve, but Rhodey stepped between them and held your dad back.

“Alive and otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not-that's what we needed!” Tony yelled at Steve.

“Well, that didn't work out, did it?” Steve kept his composure, only angering your father even more.

“I said, "we'd lose". You said, "We'll do that together too." And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers, we're the Avengers. Not the Prevengers.”

“Dad! Stop!” You shout at him, your head spinning.

“You know what, honey? The adults are talking, alright?” Your dad said, with a little more venom than he intended.

“Mr. Stark you made your point just-“ Tye started.

“Nah, nah. Here's my point. You know what?” Tony turned back to glare at Captain America.

“Tony, you’re sick.” Rhodey insisted, trying to get him to sit back down.

“I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. Liar.” Tony slowly walked up to Steve, getting right in his face. You all tensed when Tony ripped his arc reactor out of his chest, smacking it into Steve’s hand. “Here, take this. You find him, and you put that on. You hide.”

“Dad!” You shout when he suddenly falls to the ground.

“Tony!” Steve reached down to help his old friend up.

“I’m fine. I...” Your dad trails off, falling unconsciously to the floor. You try to get up, but Natasha pushes you back down by your shoulders.

“Get him to a room. Call Pepper.” Natasha ordered the men, before turning back to you two. “He’ll be fine, Y/N. Just needs to rest. So do you.”

“Not tired.” You shook your head stubbornly.

“Nebula, Rocket, think you can handle watching them for a moment?” She asked the two aliens, sitting on the wall behind you.

“Yes.” Nebula nodded.

“Sure.” The raccoon, or, Rocket shrugged.

Natasha gave you a reassuring smile before turning to help the other bring your father to a room.

“Sorry about your friend, kid.” Rocket hopped down and rounded the couch you and Tye were on to face him.

“Yeah. Sorry about the others.” Tye nodded, expression not changing at all. Your eyes drifted back to the screen, watching more and more names and pictures appear onscreen.

“Where are you going?” You hear Natasha ask someone.

“To kill Thanos.” The lady that flew you home stated simply as they emerged from the hallway.

“Hey, you know, we usually work as a team here, and between you and I, morale's a little fragile.” Nat mumbled.

“We realize up there is more your territory, but this is our fight too.” Steve nodded.

“You even know where he is?” Rhodey joined them.

“I know people who might.” The lady said, blank faced.

“Don't bother. I can tell you where Thanos is. Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask "where would we go once his plan was complete?". His answer was always the same: "To the Garden." Nebula stood up, walking over to them.

“That's cute, Thanos has a retirement plan.” Rhodey joked, earning small smiles from you and Tye. He smiled back, glad to bring the two kids joy, even for a moment.

“So where is he?” Steve asked, and the adults walked over to a round table. You and Tye joined them, regaining enough strength to stand. You still leaned on Rhodey, which he happily let you do.

“When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions. No one's ever seen anything like it... Until two days ago.” Rocket showed a hologram of a planet, with a shockwave visibly traversing the surface. “On this planet.”

“Thanos is there.” Nebula added.

“He used the Stones again.” Natasha muttered.

“Hey, hey, hey. We'd be going in short-handed, you know.” Bruce piped up.

“Look, he's still got the stones, so...” Rhodey said.

“So let's get him... Use them to bring everyone back.” The lady told you.

“Just like that?” Tye raises an eyebrow in disapproval.

“Just like like.” Steve nodded.

“Even if there's a small chance that we can undo this... I mean we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try.” Natasha tried to convince everyone. You looked down, feeling the guilt from letting your friends die in the pit of your stomach.

“If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?” Bruce asked.

“Because before, you didn't have me.” The lady crossed her arms.

“Hey, new girl, everyone here is about that superhero life. And if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?” Rhodey put a hand on his hip, making sure to balance so you wouldn’t fall.

“There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn't have you guys.” The lady narrowed her eyes at Rhodey.

Thor walked out of the shadows, towards the lady. They stand in front of each other as if challenging the other. Thor holds out his hand, and Stormbreaker flies into his hand. Then they both grin at each other.

“I like this one.” Thor said.

“Let’s go get this son of a bitch.” You growl.

“Like hell you’re going!” Natasha laughed.

“No way, kids.” Steve shook his head. “Adults only on this one.”

“Would you quit treating us like children?” You glare at them.

“We probably got more punches in on Thanos than all of you combined.” Tye said venomously.

“First of all, not possible.” Natasha said. “Second of all, you are not coming. Tony and Pepper would go into cardiac arrest if you came along.”

You and Tye exchange looks, looking to the floor in compliance.

“Look, we know you’re hurting. But going at him all malnourished and seeking revenge is not the way to do it.” Rhodey told you guys.

“You’ll stay here with Tony and Pepper, okay?” Natasha asked. “Rest. Let us take care of this.”

“...okay.” You sigh.

“Thank you.” She pulled both of you into a hug. You melted into it, Tye tensed up.

You hugged each of the remaining Avengers, even Thor let you hug him, though he didn’t hug back. You and Tye stood and watched at they boarded the now fixed Milano, then watched them take off. You stood there for a little bit after, staring at the dark sky.

“Tye?” You whisper after a long stretch of silence.

“Yeah?”

“You think they can do it?” You ask

Tye hesitates. You’re scared, he’s scared, and both of you just want even a glimpse of hope. He debates what to tell you, what he truly thought or what he knew you wanted to hear.

“...no.”

You nod slowly, agreeing with him. A single tear falls down your face, dropping onto the paved pathway.

“I miss them, too.” Tye took a shaky breath, fighting his own tear ducts. He never cried, let alone in front of anyone.

“I’m sorry you lost Jaime.” You turn to him. “I know how much he meant to you. Eduardo too.”

“I’m sorry you lost Peter. You guys are as close as Jaime and I are. And I’m sorry you lost Eduardo, too.” Tye quickly blinked away tears.

“Can you believe they’re all gone?” You ask.

“No.” He shook his head. “I wish it could just be a month ago. When we were on that one mission.”

“The one where Jaime and Peter accidentally broke into Scott Lang’s house?” You giggle.

“How do you accidentally break in?” Tye laughed, shaking his head. “They’re truly idiots.”

“But they’re our idiots.” You nod, smiling sadly at the sky.

[ohblackdiamond]

liner notes/unused joke summaries for kiss fics (part iv)

Despite what my general dislike of the shift key and my tendency to mock all that I love might imply, I actually overthink everything I write to a great extent. I make no claims to these explanations being in any way enjoyable, but if you wanted to know what I was thinking while writing KISS fic… now you do. Part one can be found here. Part two is here. Part three is here. 

little t&a --If Paul had boobs, they would be big and Gene would want to grab them.

>>Title from a Rolling Stones song of the same name; most of the chapter titles are from another Stones song, “The Spider and the Fly.” I started it during quarantine as a means to occupy myself and destress, and didn’t initially plan on posting it at all. Once I’d written five chapters without having posted it or mentioned it to anyone, I figured, well, I guess this might as well go somewhere, so I put it up. I had the hope that it’d give me something to strive for during the stress of lockdown, and I’d assumed that I wouldn’t ever have that much time to devote to a story again.

There were a couple of things that really inspired me. I’ve always enjoyed sexswaps as a bit of a guilty pleasure, but wanted to do a different take on them-- there’s this tendency for sexswaps to either be wacky hijinks or an excuse to write particularly brutal noncon. There’s also a tendency for the sexswapped character to almost automatically start adopting stereotypically feminine traits he didn’t have prior, with no real reason for it. I wanted to try and avoid all that as much as possible.

... There’s also another tendency for the sexswapped character never getting back to normal, and I wanted to avoid that, too. I mean, c’mon, KISS is supposed to start the Love Gun tour a month after the fic. Paul can’t exactly pull the trigger of a love taco. (Maybe gently brush it a bit...)

I had Paul already cursed for five days at the start of the fic because I thought it would make things easier and allow the plot to advance more quickly. I also felt like it would give him more autonomy-- prior to Gene showing up, he has tried (albeit in small ways) to get a handle on what’s happened to him, and while he’s hermited it up, he hasn’t given up. Autonomy in general was pretty important for me re: Paul. (Incidentally, probably one of my favorite things about this fic is that Paul’s made that poor twelve-year-old kid on his bike buy him sanitary napkins.)

I wanted to explore a couple of other things, too, mostly rock and roll’s (and KISS’ in particular) pretty heinous treatment of women. Gene and Paul argue in the eighties that groupies know the score from the beginning, and even postulates that those relationships are more “honest” than just taking a girl out to dinner. They’re not alone in this (and, of course, as married men, these days they try not to discuss those times at all); almost every band/artist from around that time period will give you the same answer. “The girls know what they’re doing.” I think many of them did know. I also think many of them came into those hotel rooms expecting a lot more than they ever received, and I think plenty of girls ended up at the very least disappointed by their encounters, if not humiliated or worse.

I don’t know if this was successful, but I also wanted to at least try to poke a few holes in celebrity/idol worship as well. Carol’s scathing comments to Paul-- “they [fans] think there’s something you’ve got that they can get at, but there’s not” pretty heavily exemplify behavior I’ve seen at conventions, fan meet-ups, etc. At the end of the day, well, there’s no point in putting them on much of a pedestal. I dunno. I’ve seen some weird crap in the name of fan worship, in and outside of RPS. Keith Richards talks about it in his book-- girls urinating on themselves out of sheer nerves/excitement just at seeing the band, etc., which, while disturbing, had to have given them a sense of being something beyond ordinary (and act accordingly, of course).

I don’t know. I like them a lot, but I can’t hero-worship these guys; they don’t live in the real world. They’re not, ultimately, relatable or accessible despite the billions of photos, the twitter posts, the meet and greets-- any more than they were 40-odd years ago. I think there can be a real danger in thinking they are. I wanted to show that, too, but again, I don’t know if it came across properly.

One of the aspects I really struggled with was getting a good handle on Paul’s innately slippery sense of identity without it overtaking the story entirely. Gene’s very stable identity was a good foil, and it helped that most of “t&a” is from his point of view, rather than Paul’s.

Another place I faltered with was Paul’s outing alone at CBGB. The first draft had the guy in the club slip quaaludes into his drink, but I really didn’t like that at all and felt it took too much control away from Paul/punished him for going out on his own. I thought it’d be more interesting if Paul deliberately took what he knew was a dangerous combination (alcohol + quaaludes) in the hopes that would make him feel better about sleeping with someone he didn’t care about.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, having him do that (and the way the scene with the guy at the club ends) also meant that I couldn’t have him hop right into bed with Gene that night, either, so that accounts for some of the delaying. I was also really wanting to make sure in general that when Gene and Paul finally did go all the way, there wasn’t any feeling of being coerced or pressured. Not that Gene would do either of those things, but I didn’t want him or Paul to be doing it out of any feeling of obligation or hurry; I wanted it to be as natural as possible, under the circumstances. And I wanted, again, Paul’s dubious sense of self and Gene’s ambiguous feelings about Paul(’s boobs) to come into play-- yes, Paul, now you, too, can take Gene on the amazing technicolor dreamdate you’ve been fantasizing about for the last seven years! Or, you know, not. Overall, there are some pacing issues and the story slows down considerably after Gene takes Paul home from CBGB, but I like to hope that most of the scenes add something.

There were a couple of secondary plotlines that got scrapped because I couldn’t get them to fit well enough with the narrative. One of them was Paul’s very troubled relationship with his sister, Julia. There’s a fair amount of references to her scattered throughout, and Paul brings her up on several occasions, generally without much provocation, and generally at mildly odd moments (at Central Park and immediately after getting drawn by Gene being the standouts). There was an initial draft of the chapter in which Ace calls Paul, where Julia’s the one calling Paul instead (after having gotten his number from their parents). I wanted to at least get the start of a reconciliation going between them. Ultimately I scrapped it because I couldn’t get it to flow with the main plot and never felt like I’d ever explored it thoroughly enough for it to be worth a detour.

The comparison between Paul and Carol is pretty blatantly obvious, even in the narrative. Paul and Gene both recognize it (Gene, initially, when he notes that Carol doesn’t seem to belong at 54 any more than Paul does), and it makes them highly uncomfortable. (Mary-Anne, Carol’s friend, also notices it-- “she [Paul] reminds me of Carol. Just pitiful.”) They’re both very shy, insecure people that have thrust themselves into a world they’re not naturally suited for (show business) in order to achieve their own ends. They’ve both put great stock in a single person who helped them (inadvertently or not) during a dark time, and are driven by those feelings, despite knowing that person is out of reach.

Physically, they’re intentionally mostly opposite (Carol’s short, with a slight build, lighter hair, blue eyes, vs. Paul being, well, Paul-- tall, fuller build, black hair, brown eyes). But narratively speaking, neither of them are described as beautiful; “cute” and “kind of pretty,” sure, but nothing past that (except when Gene says it towards the end). That was important, too, for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to further the comparison between them; two, I wanted to at least try and dispel the idea that all groupies were glamorous; many of them were rather ordinary-looking.

Paul not being “playboy material as a girl” was very deliberate. I feel like a lot of sexswaps tend to make the guy in question end up a ridiculously hot babe, which didn’t quite jive with what I was going for (not that I wanted Paul to end up awful-looking, but...). ... He’s probably hotter than he thinks he is though; at least, Gene didn’t mind at all, and Pete thought he was pretty. I wanted him to be recognizable if one knew where to look (face, body language). I didn’t want him to end up a tiny, frail-looking waif-- given what he looks like as a dude, that didn’t make sense to me. So this meant the less perfect attributes had to stay and carry over to a female body. He ended up with big boobs because... well, honestly because if he wasn’t going to end up with a great figure overall, he might as well have great boobs. And I mean, really, his chest’s already pretty all right as-is.

I didn’t want there to be a love triangle, but I did want it obvious, at least in an offhand way, that Peter and Paul had had sex (Ace mentions it in the car with Peter, with his “how long did it take you”). I wanted to incorporate Ace and Peter to as great an extent as possible in general.

Marbas is an actual demon from The Lesser Key of Solomon, although other than the few sentences Paul reads off from that grimoire, there’s not much more information on him to be found. 

[movedvalkyriesryde]

Exhibition of Future Technologies - 3

Pairing: 40s!Bucky Barnes x enhanced!reader

Summary: Bucky meets the girl of his dreams the day before he ships out again and she holds a mystery about her that he can’t resist.

Warnings: violence i guess? like a building explodes so??? but thats it, exhaustion, swearing the usualllll, angst?

Word Count: 3,000ish

A/N: ive decided theres going to be four parts, this was meant to be the last but it took a life of its own as this story seems to be doing a lot but im accepting its fate

A/N 2: special shoutout to @mrwinterr for showing me the possibilities that this story had!!!

Masterlist

Previous - Next

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had been a few weeks since everything had come to light for the couple. Everything was still new and had a pink hue to it between them, the subtle looks as they walked past each other, the stolen kisses hidden in the hallway, the late nights and early mornings sneaking home, it helped having teleportation powers with that one. 

The pair had decided that it was best to keep their relationship a secret, it could risk the team finding out about Y/N’s powers if they told and she couldn’t have that, as much as she adored Bucky and was ultimately falling in love with him she couldn’t risk them finding out. She’d lost too many people to others finding out about their powers before.

Bucky understood, sort of. He wanted to scream from the rooftops that he’d found his Doll, he had wanted to run to Steve after their night together and tell him everything. But Bucky understood her fear, he saw how terrified she was when he found out about her powers, he wasn’t going to break her trust any time soon.

So when Steve and Sam questioned him the next morning on their run Bucky put on his best frown and tightened the string of his hoodie, avoiding eye contact.

“It wasn’t her,” he had muttered and sped his pace. His friends looked at each other before following close behind. They stopped at the top of a hill to catch their breath and have some peace and quiet before they headed back, it was what they did most mornings on their run.

“You were so sure it was?” Sam said sitting next to Bucky on the grass. Bucky merely shrugged in response, he didn’t want to say too much in case he let something slip, he also thought his silence would be enough to convince them of his lie. 

“Maybe they’re related? Distantly,” Steve sat on his other side and patted his shoulder with a tight but reassuring smile. 

“Maybe, it’s still not her though,” Bucky tried to think about what he would have actually been like if it wasn’t her. He imagined the gut wrenching hurt he would have felt and tried to channel it in himself now in order to keep the lie alive. 

Steve and Sam didn’t say anything more about the situation, they knew not to push Bucky, he would come to them if he needed to and he would be better in his own time. They let him stalk off into the compound as soon as they got back after mumbling something about skipping training today. They brought him lunch and dinner but never opened the door knowing he treasured his privacy when he got like this.

If they had they would have seen Bucky at his desk combing through his work like it was just another day. Or if Steve had opened the door when he went to check on Bucky on his way to bed instead of just knocking he would have seen Bucky and Y/N on his couch trying to stifle their laughter so no one could hear them. But Steve just asked through the door if Bucky needed anything and when Bucky replied with a muffled ‘’m fine, night Steve’, he walked off to his room worried about his friend.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was rare that the two spent any time together out of the compound, it was much harder for Bucky to sneak in and out than it was for her but sometimes the stars aligned and they found themselves at Y/N’s apartment where they could be as loud and affectionate as possible without the worry of someone walking in on them. 

“Are you sure about this?” Y/N shook her hands to try and loosen herself up as Bucky stood in front of her expectantly, “you don’t have to do this Buck.”

“I want to help okay, and who better to test on than a super soldier,” he gave her that winning smirk that he knew made her putty in his hands and when she smiled back, he knew he had her. 

“Okay, hold my wrists.” 

Bucky did what he was told and grasped her wrists. He watched her take a deep breath before they both closed their eyes then Bucky felt...numb, but also like his skin was on fire? And it only lasted a couple seconds before everything felt normal again and he opened his eyes to see Y/N staring back at him. He looked around and noticed the change in scenery, they had just been in her room and were now standing in the middle of the kitchen, a short test she’d said, small distance to start with. 

“How do you feel?” she asked hesitantly, Bucky was still holding her wrists, his grip had tightened slightly and he quickly let go. 

“I uh, fine,” he beamed at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her into the air. “Doll you did it! I’m absolutely fine!” 

Y/N told him it wasn’t a real experiment unless they wrote everything down so that’s what they did, she made him tell her every single thing he felt both physically and emotionally. 

The next week they tried again, they made it to the roof.  Bucky had made the mistake though of suggesting she at least tell Banner about her powers, Banner could help with her experiments better than he ever could, but Y/N quickly shot him down. She told him that this way she was in control of what was being tested of her and that’s how she wanted it to be kept. He didn’t say anything after that, just nodded like he understood. He did, apart from Wanda he was probably the only other person that could understand how much control over these experiments and her powers meant to her. But there was a lot less safety involved when it was just her and that’s what he didn’t like. 

That was the last experiment they’d done. They’d both been busy with work and the time they did get together was hidden in the corners of the compound where no one would find them. 

Though busy, it didn’t stop his friends from meddling. Once Bucky had come back out of his room and seemed to be back to his normal self, maybe even a little happier than before? Steve and Sam were trying to convince him to ask, and you’ll never believe this, Y/N on a date. 

“It may not be the girl from ‘43 but come on Buck! You said it yourself, she looks just like her!” Steve had been pushing for Bucky to find someone who made him happy for a long time and he thought that Y/N was the perfect match, he may have had some hushed talks with Bruce about the matter as well. 

“That’s a bit morbid getting him to date a girl because he went on a date with her grandma back in the day,” Sam scrunched up his face in disgust and Bucky snorted.

“You’re overthinking it Sam! This is fate kicking down the door Buck, you can’t tell me you don’t fancy her even a little. Bruce told me you’ve been visiting the lab more often!” 

Okay so maybe Bucky was beginning to be less subtle about the whole ordeal that was his love life than he should have been. But can you blame him!! She was making modifications to a couple of drones and that shit fascinated Bucky! And also the fact that it gave him an excuse to be close to Y/N and stare at her with googly eyes when Banner wasn’t in the room but THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT.

“She doesn’t fancy me Steve, and I don’t fancy her. Just like learning about her robotics,” Bucky rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Steve opened his mouth but before he could say anything FRIDAY interrupted him and every thought concerning Bucky’s love life was forgotten by all three men.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You can’t possibly think he’s coming into the lab just because he’s interested in mechanical engineering can you?” Tony stared at Y/N like she’d grown two heads as he spoke. Tony, Y/N and Bruce had been discussing the frequent visitor to the lab over the past couple of weeks and Y/N was finding it more and more difficult to suppress the smug smile she so desperately wanted to give Tony when he talked about how Bucky had to have a crush on her if not be head over heels for her at this point. 

The three were out to lunch in the middle of the city, as they often were on a Thursday, and were making their way back to the car when everything happened. 

They heard it first, a loud boom seemed to come from all around them. Then they felt it, the ground beneath them shook slightly, Y/N felt the vibration through her body rising from her feet to her lungs and causing her stomach to drop. Then they looked up and they saw it. Tiny bits of glass started falling towards them, people were screaming and running in the opposite direction of the building in front of them. 

Twenty stories up there had been an explosion that had blown out the entire side of that floor. They could see the smoke coming out of the now open building, they could see it swaying slightly from the aftermath. 

Tony was the first to jump into action, he immediately activated his Iron Man suit and sent word to the compound for back up, giving orders to Bruce and Y/N to start getting people as far away from here as possible as he caught a long metal rod that was plummeting to the ground. 

The pair jumped into action, Bruce started running in and out of surrounding buildings trying to clear them as Y/N helped those nearest to the accident get to safety. 

There was another explosion, this time on the other side of the building. Y/N ran towards the entrance, she looked left and right looking for those injured that needed to be moved away immediately when she saw a group of elementary kids hiding behind a fountain. 

“Are any of you hurt?” She ducked down in front of them, all of their eyes were wide and frightened as they shook their heads. “Good, grab me guys, come on I’m going to get you out of here.”

The group of kids all grab onto each other and her and she didn’t even think before she squeezed her eyes shut, opening them to see the children all looking amazed but still frightened as they realised they were no longer in the middle of the chaos and instead the middle of Central Park. 

“Everyone okay?” Y/N asked and after getting a series of yes’s and thank you’s she was gone again, back to the chaos, not before telling them to contact their parents if they could and that she would be back. 

It clicked then in Y/N’s brain that this was the best way to get people from the burning building out and to safety and so she kept going. She got the rest of the children first, they were all in uniform, they must have been on a field trip. She took them to the same location where the other children still were. Three trips and she noticed parents starting to turn up thankfully. 

When Steve, Sam, Bucky, Natasha and Wanda turned up to the scene, Tony was already in the sky and had given them a quick briefing upon their arrival of what the situation was. 

Ten men, all in black combat uniform and more explosions than Tony could count strapped to their bodies and being placed throughout the building. Sam was immediately in the sky. Natasha went to help Bruce clear the citizens and Steve and Bucky started running towards the entrance of the building. That’s when Bucky saw the familiar flash of light. The flash of white light that he saw most mornings when Y/N left and his brain went into panic mode. 

“Buck come one!” Steve yelled out from the door, shield on his back as people ran past him. 

Bucky caught Y/N’s eye as she came back into view, they both paused their movement before she gave him a small smile and a nod and then ran off towards an injured woman. 

“Fuck my life,” he mumbled before running in after Steve. 

It was getting harder the more trips she took. Y/N had never teleported with more than one other person before. This was a true test of her limits and she could feel her body losing the fight. 

Most of the immediate area was clear now, all that was left were those that had initially refused to leave their homes or workplaces during the first explosion. 

When Y/N arrived back to the front of the building she could no longer hold herself up with ease. Bucky had his eye out for her as soon as he was back in the lobby and running towards the entry/exit. He saw her go again with a man and women then come back and drop to her knees.

“Y//N!!” He yelled sprinting towards her. There was another boom that halted his movement by the fountain. Y/N stood up and watched Bucky run towards her, she started to move to meet him in the middle when she heard the boom and looked up at the building to see something large falling towards the ground, towards Bucky. 

“BUCKY!” She called out to him, a wave of adrenaline rushing through her as she threw her arms around his neck and he held her waist. She squeezed her eyes shut and they disappeared just in time as the piece of building crashing into the ground where they had stood. 

Steve saw Bucky and Y/N embrace in the middle of the courtyard. Then he saw a block of concrete fall right where they were after a flash of light. Steve screamed as he ran towards the rubble and threw whatever he could grab behind him in order to get to his friend. This was not how he would be losing his friend, he would not be losing his best friend again!

“I’m okay, Steve, I’m okay,” the rushed force came through the comms device in Steve’s ear and he swore he was hearing things until Sam responded.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BUCKY?!?!?” 

“Central Park, we’re at the Great Lawn with - holy shit - a lot of people that were in the middle of it all,” Bucky tried to catch his breath, he looked around at the massive group of people that were helping and comforting each other then at Y/N who was leaning all of her weight against him. “Doll I got you, fuck, stay with me okay. Steve, Sam, someone we medical service!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Previous - Next

Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think and requests are open!

EoFT Taglist, or literally everyone that commented on it because I love all of you (and i copied this from part 2): @occasionalwritingsofmia @toasty-fish @chloesxworld @thiccstuxky @mrwinterr @jshtmblr

Permanent Taglist (OPEN): @starvinggaywriter @witch-of-letters @turquoisekokiri

Bucky Taglist (OPEN): @bxrnsfeyson

[queer-starling]

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?  

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert 

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u  

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal 

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? 

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao. 

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today. 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT 

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal   

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me 

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.  

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink 

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better  

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her 

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore 

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there. 

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH) 

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul 

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? 

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess? 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up 

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

:/

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

[twotales-lore]

The Research of "Corruption": A Firsthand Account of the Corruption Sickness

Hello! My name is A/\/\ and just recently, I've been assigned to research corruption in attempts of hindering and deatroying it. However, my attention is avwrted from that, for on accounts of unfortunate events, I was removed from the cause of a physical wound that started to turn black, so while i await what happens to me, i might as well put my studies out for anyone else who gets this situation.

Day 1:

First day of study. the injury seems to be a compmetely unique one, as when I was looking up any illnesses involving such a thing, there was none listed, or at least, commonly listed. The thought of this being something from a worse disease is in the back of my head. However, when doctors diagnosed me when my coworkers noticed it, they couldnt trace a disease to itband thought it was some serious injury, yet the body part functions completely fine. Very odd, but i will continue studying my behavior and the wound.

Day 7:

Ive started experiencing more frequent headaches upon doing my daily activities. I first thought itbwas probably because i git so focused into reading my books again that I gave myself a headache, but i never experienced it this much. I've also twitched a little bit time to time in my arms, once again thinking its just from writing a lot as usual.

Day 13:

The twitching was definitely a symptom from whatever this wound is doing to me, as I've been twitching a bit more often and in different areas of my body. I also have find myself out of focus quite a few times. Very strange since I'm always focused on things.

Day 20:

My limbs are starting to feel strained and I now find muself at options of getting some meducal help now before I get worse. I feel as if the energy in my limbs are draining away each day and it slowly gets deeper into my body. I find myself more vulnerable to cold things since my body has also lost quite an unsettling amount of weight since my limbs have been feeling like this, so I keep a small heater on around me when idle.

Day 30:

About a month has passed since my studies. I'm starting to feel more tired even though I get plenty of sleep. The wound has started to spread a little. I tried contacting people for help, but no one knows exactly how to treat this other than giving me medicine for getting an energy boost so I can feel more energized when I wake up. They seem to work for now and the symptoms have slowed for now.

Day 45:

...Im hearing a few voices at this point and I don't know if im losing sanity or not. I'm in fear that I am, and i try my best to ignore them, but some keep pushing me past the ignorance. I can't focus much on other things anymore and i feel miserable. My coldness vunerability is to the point where i walk around my home carrying a blanket since i dont have many warming clothes. I really wish there was proper treatment for this.....

Day 55:

...He's coming for me, and that wound, that mark, was a sign. it slowly spreaded to the point if reaching my heart and its now creeping up to my neck. He knew about me for a while and his view was that He deemed me a "worthy person" and decided to mark me down. I dont know if its just my imagination or not, and im very unsettled by it. I am starting to feel less vulnerable to outside conditions and the strain on me has died down, either by some mercy or my body adapting to running on low energy. However, my mind runs frantic at times, I twitch quite a lot at times, and if I overthink, I get a bad headache. People have noticed my behavior and I overheard one saying I might be going crazy...

Day 64:

He's reached my neck. I feel vulnerable as it feels strained and cold. Im shivering at times and curled up in a blanket to shake the deeling away. His voice has been reaching out to persuade me. I've never been more scared of this than ever before. His mark has started to crawl up the back of my head and my heart has also felt the mark's chill, but its not as bad as at the neck. I can't get help now, as my legs shake under my body when I move around without somethibg to keep me warm, and I can't juat walk around town with a blanket wrapped tightly around me. It wont be long until i cant bear it...

Day 68:

Ive finally gave in and listened to his voice in return for no more feelings of undearable coldness at my heart and neck. He's been startibg to change my thoughts, my body, and my reality. He's been starting to tell me everyone else without the mark was unworthy and that i was a lucky person. Maybe I was. This voice could hace been a humanity destroying demon for all i know, or it could all just be my mind, but i couldnt tell. He soon shifted my mind to new thoughts. This doesnt seem to affect my daily activities, so I dont feel too bad about having a completely new view on life.

Day 72:

My body has started shifting to a new form that happens in my distress. He has occasionally made me distressed to see how this form adapts. He soon stopped doing it, seeming satisfied with the results. I still am myself, but at the same time, two people. It's.....its kind of hard to explain but that's my theory on what's happening...

Day 74:

I was wrong. Ive started feeling more emotionally unstable, and its from his reason. I find myself in my tracks at times stalking people, as if to murder. Im not even sure what I am even doing from the adaptations ove experienced in almost 3 months. The mark has now inhabitated around my heart and chest, my neck, and my left eye socket (lost the eye in an incident). Occasionally when i feel negatove emotion, the mark chills me to the bone, sending me down and searching for anything to keep me warm and to make the shivering stop. I feel like as if I started relying more on the primal instincts that are still buried deep within us........

Day 77:

I can still remain in my normal "form" at will, but ive started thinking in favor to his words. He has given me mercy, thankful mercy, as he has killed the less fortunate through me, or as i say it, punished. He said these people were the ones tainting the world, and i have to admit, they most likely were. Ive observed them to be quite sinful or evil beings. I can sense their wrongdoings on the inside.....

I can feel my insides converting

My blood thickening and changing

My stomach and intestines morphing to other uses

My chest being filled a bit more with a mechanism of use for "marking down" or "punishing"

It doesn't hurt but it does fill the empty space there.

Day ###:

He is a God

a God worth worshipping

a god who has opened my eyes

through the many trials I have endured

I have finally rose up and bevame one of his luckiest

one of his more reliable followers

He has saved me from a worse demise

He is the one worship i care of

For he has made me stronger and more adaptable with the fellow beings of his loyalty.

He says one day

when his voice quiets down.....

I'll be the next in line.

[stylessemantics]

VII-4: Oh, Marcel AU (part IV-FINAL *smut*)

PLEASE READ

Also called: The Marcel Smut (Read part one here || read part two here || read part three here )

Shout out to @harryysutequila for being just the best thing ever. I’m also gonna smoothly tag @overad​ cause I know she’s one of the first people to hear about this whole thing so maybe you’d like to know it finally happens. Also @legend-waitforit-harry cause marcel is OUR baby.

THIS IS WAY TOO LONG. LIKE... 8K WORDS?! THERE WAS NO NEED. EXCEPT THERE WAS CAUSE FINALLY MARCEL GETS SOME. IT’S NOT EVEN GOOD SMUT IN MY OPINION BUT HEY, ITS SOMETHING.

Prompt: Harry, pitifully called Marcel as a sour joke, is a nice, young, straight-A student, with a bully that hates him on a personal level and what he thinks is an unattainable crush on his bully’s ex, except maybe it’s not so unattainable anymore.

There is “smut.” or just cute fluffy love-making really

IN WHICH HARRY AND Y/N FINALLY REALIZE WHAT’S GOING ON HERE, AND CAN’T HELP BUT ACT UPON IT. *SMUT*

Harry had tried for a year to avoid Jonathan as much as he could on his day to day life. Sometimes it worked, others he’d end up with cuts and bruises that would mark him for God knows how long, but despite the repetitive action, he never got good at avoiding him to the point where he didn’t run into Jonathan anymore. And so, Harry has never been good at avoiding people, let alone y/n. He’s never wanted to or had the need to avoid her whatsoever, but now he worried about seeing her around the halls more than he ever had before. Before it was just him trying to avoid her so as to not look like a stuttering fool in her presence, and he failed at it on purpose because he wanted to see her. Now, even with the huge, ever-growing want to see her, he wants to disappear whenever she shows up. He’s ready for earth to swallow him whole after the whole incident in her dorm, but life wasn’t always fair to goody ‘ol Harry Marcel.

Now out of all times, he has to see y/n more than ever, because who else would tutor her? So regardless of his shame and embarrassment and awkward tension that he refused to address in hopes to just leave the topic in the past and have it just erase itself from their memories, he has to meet her every other day for her study sessions, and if Harry found it hard to breathe around her when they weren’t… whatever it is they are now, well, now he surely can’t breathe or even look in her direction. So much for growing comfortable with her, he’s sure he’s ruined it all and the silence in the library is heavier than ever. For the first time in his life he wishes some weird ruckus would break out in the library, because for the first time it was too quiet.

He stole glances from his own homework as y/n filled in some practice sheets from her chemistry labs so that Harry could look them over and correct for her after. Both of them worked in silence, taking unnoticed turns to look at each other. Y/N wanted to talk about it, Harry not so much, and that was it… That was silence.

Neither had stopped thinking about the night before, both in different ways. While Harry worried and worried and worried about how he made things the worst possible and he was angry at himself for wanting more, y/n worried and worried and worried that she didn’t understand what was happening, she didn’t know why she wanted more, but alas, she did.

More of what? Nothing had happened, and from the looks of it, nothing would.

Harry read over y/n’s correct answers, she was grasping things quite fast, and crossed the few she’d gotten wrong, and while y/n waited for him to say anything, things felt the most awkward they ever had. Harry wasn’t joking or complimenting her on her good work, and she was avoiding looking him in the eye. “So…” she started, breaking the everlasting silence. Harry gulped visibly but didn’t make a move to look at her. “I… uh.” Harry cleared his throat and fumbled in his seat, faking interest in one of her answers. “Harry, about the other night…” she whispered and Harry went into panic mode. “These are good” he said, a little too loud which caused several people surrounding them to shush him. It was then Harry realised they weren’t alone. God, it felt like it was just him and y/n in that room for the longest time. He’d drowned out everything else in his mess of thoughts. “Sorry” he whispered back to no one, just apologising to fill the void. Once more he cleared his throat. “These are good. Y-you’re going great, uh… Is that a-all you had to do?” “Yes, uh… That was it” y/n didn’t know how to counter Harry’s suddenly short self. He seemed like he wanted to run, and y/n sighed giving up. She also wanted to run, especially if this was how things would be. Short and slightly rude and not at all like the friendly mood they’d settled in and one confusing night easily took away. “I should leave then” and without another word, or another glance at Harry’s defeated face, she gathered her belongings and waved him goodbye, leaving a guilt-filled Harry frozen in his spot.

He was making things worse and now it had nothing to do with the things he’d said in her room. He was pushing her away and being rude and he felt immediate guilt. He shouldn’t be treating her that way, after all it was all his fault. Harry sighed and slapped himself in his mind for his strange behaviour, sinking into his seat and throwing his glasses on the table in defeat, rubbing his eyes. He needed to apologise to her, and while he was at it, man up and finally talk about it.

Harry wasn’t good at avoiding Jonathan, specially when his mind wasn’t into it, and that’s why just barely after taking ten steps in the direction of his dorm building, he got pushed back by the tall guy who seemed like he was out for blood he didn’t collect on their last encounter.

Jonathan was saying some things. Whatever it was it turned to white noise to Harry.

He didn’t know what was wrong with him but he was angry. Angry and tired. He wasn’t in the mood for Jonathan and his nonsense, and all he wanted to do was go to his dorm and rest, catch some sleep he’d missed due to overthinking what his relationship with y/n would be after that thing happened, and he was fuming that he was fucking things up so bad. He didn’t have time for Jonathan spewing empty threats and delaying the punch he’d deliver to Harry’s face. Shut up Jonathan, he kept thinking, just fuck off, he said over and over again in his head “Fuck off Jonathan” he ended up murmuring, and immediately the urge to take it back or cover his mouth as if he couldn’t believe he’d said that, ran through his veins, but tiredness ran faster, and pushed it back. No guilt. “What did you just say to me, Marcel?” and Harry hesitated, but not because he wouldn’t say it again, but because he wanted to make sure he delivered it with enough punch that would hopefully end Jonathan’s stupid boasted ego. “I said… Fuck. Off.” and Harry pushed at Jonathan’s shoulders, succeeding at getting him off his chest and at a safe distance. Jonathan was shocked, mouth opened in surprise. “Oh, that’s it, Styles” and with that line he delivered the blow that broke Harry.

Harry was running. 

Unbelievable, he thought to himself. It was unbelievable how he could continue to fuck things up. First he says that to y/n’s face, and then he’s rude to her in the library and now this. This was the last straw, he was sure. Y/N wouldn’t want anything to do with him, but he had to let her know. She had to hear it from him and not from someone else. He had to tell her before someone else did and everything went to shit even more than it already had. And so Harry was running, at the fastest his feet could carry him to her room, and then he was banging and then he was apologising for things y/n couldn’t comprehend. 

“Harry?” she opened her door, surprised to see him there, so distressed. “I’m sorry, I am so sorry, I don’t know what got into me” his brow was bleeding a little bit and he slammed the door after he allowed himself in, taking both of y/n’s hands in his as he continued to say he was sorry for who knows what. The only thing y/n could imagine was that he was apologising for the night before, but she felt like she was the one that needed to say it, she felt like she was the one that broke some rule or boundary and made things awkward. “No, Harry, stop. I’m sorry” “No no” he cut her off “That’s not… this is not about yesterday I-God… I didn’t meant to” “Calm down Harry, I don’t understand” and he took a deep breath in, letting it out with words he didn’t think he’d say after all that had happened between him and y/n. “I punched Jonathan”

Despite Harry speaking incredibly fast, which y/n didn’t think she’d ever witness, she understood most of what he said, that he was angry and tired, and Jonathan was pushing and when he punched, Harry didn’t think twice but to punch back for once, and felt immediate regret. His fist was red and had some dried blood on it, so y/n knew just by looking at it that it was a hefty jab, a mean right hook. 

“Okay. But why are you sorry?” y/n asked, genuinely confused, as she grabbed a small towel and dabbed away the blood on Harry’s brow, placing his glasses on her desk. “Because…” he didn’t know where to start. He knew exactly why, but he didn’t know if y/n would understand. “Because I’m not- I don’t want to be Jonathan, okay?” y/n was confused. “Of course you’re n-” he shook his head. “No, I mean… I know how he got, you told me about his anger and... and you guys broke up because of it, and I… I-I just don’t want to be another guy that solves shit by punching, to you. I don’t want to be another Jonathan, I’m not, I swear, I… I lost it and I regretted it immediately! I j-just… I’m not like that, I’m not some a-angry guy that needs to… to let it out in some way, a-and you don’t need or deserve another guy like that, ever, and, and, Christ y/n, I’m not that, I-I’m sorry I-” Harry stopped in his tracks when y/n grabbed his cheeks to keep him from pacing left and right, and focused him on her. “Harry” she started, barely above a whisper, causing goosebumps to raise on his arms. “You’re not Jonathan, and you won’t be. Not to me. Punching someone doesn’t even put you close, Harry. There’s… It’s not just punches, okay? That’s not why we broke up and you know it. You’re nothing like Jonathan and anyone can see that from miles away, not just me, and I know that you will never be and… I-The fact that you care about me this way, I... Harry, you are…”

Whatever Harry was, the tingles running down his spine and the butterflies on his tummy didn’t let her finish it, the overpowering rush taking over and making him lean forward and crash his lips against hers.

The kiss was short, a mere split-second weakness and desire-driven impulse, but Harry can feel his heart aching the moment he stops having her lips on his, as if that short kiss was all it took for his whole soul to say ‘this is it’, and now he’s been deprived of it.

With just partly open lids and lips, y/n and Harry stare at each other for a bit, shocked and confused, searching for more, and before he can mumble another one of his ‘I’m sorry’s that y/n is tired of hearing, she’s pressing him back to her mouth, this time for just a little longer. They can both feel the kiss is too short as they pull away, because both their chests ache for more, between the pent up tension from the night before and the bubble they have created, enclosing them in safety, desire and want, they both sigh before diving back in for more and more and more.

There’s a fire in Harry’s veins that intensifies with the memories of having her in his dreams, the build up from wanting her so bad to finally having her making him feel like he’s about to explode in a puddle of feelings for her, and that fire can’t be stopped, specially when he bites down ever so softly on her bottom lip, eliciting a small moan from her, that disappears into his own mouth, as it drives his most carnal impulses and he picks y/n up by her thighs, wrapping them around his frame and walking them towards the wall where the more dominant, sexy side of Harry, the one y/n never thought existed, comes forth and short of slams her against the wall as he sinks his hips in, getting more and more of her.

And it’s not like y/n’s not enjoying it, she likes getting somewhat of a repeat of the other night, this time getting just a tad more, but there’s some pain jolting through her body as she crashes freshly-tattooed-side to the wall first, hissing in the middle of the kiss. “Ow” she yelps, and Harry’s quick to stand back, one hand under one of her thighs, the other to the wall, separating their bodies from the hard surface. There’s panic in his face. Was he too rough? Was that too much? Oh, no, whatever will he do, he’s close to spiralling out of control in bad thoughts. “Fuck, I’m sorry, did I hurt you? I hurt you, right? I-” “No, no. I just. Ouch” y/n tries to reach back and itch the skin “My tattoo just…” “Oh god, I’m so sorry” and Harry’s pulling further back, letting her body slide down his, back on her own two feet, not before she can feel the bump in the middle of his jeans as she drops back down, causing her cheeks to redden almost immediately. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, just… Stung a bit” “God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I was too rough, I’m sorry” “Harry, it’s okay, I li-” y/n snaps her mouth shut. Was she about to admit that she liked whatever it was that took over Harry? That she liked being in that position? Or maybe she just enjoyed a really good kiss. She enjoyed all of it, but she couldn’t bring her rosy-cheeked self to say it out loud. With a silence that made everything more evident, Harry’s face flushed red as well, both of them swaying on the balls of their feet as they remained at half-arms-length, yet scared to touch once again. “Harry” she whispers, the silence too much and too long to bare next to the incredibly painful charge of lust in the air. “Y/n” he says back, and as they look at each other they can finally read it in the other’s eyes.

I want you. I want more of you.

The door to y/n’s room opens and her and Harry are quick to jump a few inches of the ground and away from each other, frightened by the sudden intrusion and interruption, but on the other side stands Jenna, y/n’s roommate, the one that’s never around, the one that Harry often forgets exists and can’t have a worse timing to make her existence remembered. “Oh… Hi!” “Jenna! Hi!” y/n smiles nervously, holding back an awkward laughter. Jenna practically lives at her boyfriend’s place, only coming around when she needs something, like free washing machines or some of y/n’s clothes, or when her and her boyfriend argue. “Hello” Harry adds just above a shy whisper, clearing his throat, scared that people can smell the hunger off of him. His hands place themselves strategically over his aching center as he scoots towards the door. “I was just uh, leaving… yeah, bye” He turns to say to y/n and the urge to press a kiss to her mouth as a gentle goodbye is too big to hold in, yet somehow he manages, pressing his lips to her cheek instead, lingering just a nano-second too long and then rushing off before y/n can say anything.

And what would she say? Ask him to stay? Offer to go with him? She’s glued to her spot, replaying what just happened between them in her head over and over and just getting redder and redder. Jenna looks between y/n and the door, back and forth a couple times. “Did I… Did I interrupt something?” Jenna says with arched eyebrows, snapping y/n back to reality. “What? No, no, ugh I just...” y/n walks over to her bed, letting herself drop on it face first, wanting to scream into her pillow. She takes a deep breath instead “Weren’t you at Nick’s today, Jenna? And yesterday too?” “He’s being a dick, but that’s not the point here. Oh my god! I did interrupt something!” y/n remains silent for a moment, it’s impossible to deny anyways. She sighs. “Yes, now shut up” “No way! I’m so sorry! Tell me all about it” and y/n laughs because this is just like Jenna. “I would, but you cockblocked me so hard I might keep this information in as revenge” she says, throwing a pillow at her friend and keeping her mouth in a tight lip smile throughout Jenna’s whole tantrum that she wants to know so bad, and her million apologies that she interrupted something so big.

All y/n can do is sigh and wish for the next time she sees Harry to be… A little less confusing but just as enjoyable. Maybe more.

Harry heard her before he saw her. Earlier that morning, the following day, there she was, calling his name through the hallways in campus, greeting him with a big smile and pressing a short kiss to his cheek that caused them both to blush. Harry had a hard time staying still the night before and had giddily told Nick all about the kiss he’d shared with y/n and how his feet felt like they hadn’t touched the ground since.

Y/N and Harry stood there like two fools, smiling and blushing and looking. Neither knew what to say until y/n snapped out of her trance and asked him to help her cram some studying before her chemistry lab quiz she’d have later that week that she’d forgotten all about. And in a hurry Harry proposed they made themselves at home at the library, where they currently where sat in silence, sneaking giggly glances at each other, but sat far enough away that Harry’s urges wouldn’t spiral out of control and make him kiss her again. He enjoyed the kiss, a lot, but didn’t want to push anything else on her, the topic of whatever happened a few night’s back still fresh in the back of his mind, and despite feeling like y/n enjoyed the kiss as well, he wanted to keep his distance just in case he was misreading the situation.

The silence was only interrupted with small, almost inaudible giggles that escaped both of them whenever they caught the other glancing, and little by little, between “is this okay?”s and “can you remind me of that law again?”s, Harry and y/n were scooted closer down the table, to the point where if Harry pressed himself closer to the wooden bench, he’d touch his knee to hers.

He did it once out of nervousness, and then a second time, testing the waters and just for the thrill of it, and then by the third time it was y/n who moved and made sure their knees touched for the remainder of their short improv study session.

“I have a sheet with how Mr. Greenwald likes to do the chem tests, I’ll email it to you tonight” Harry said as he walked down a library aisle, returning the books he’d borrowed, with y/n quick in tow, her own materials in her arms. “Yeah, thank you” Harry just nodded at her whispery reply. And it was then, hidden from the rest of the silent students and at this close proximity that they found themselves back in the mindset of the day before. Harry’s eyes dancing between y/n’s shiny ones, faces inching closer in hopes for a repeat for that they didn’t feel they had finished. Harry swallowed hard. “I-I should g-go to class” y/n said, nose bumping against his. Through the thickness of his glasses he found different spots and marks around her cheeks that only made his heart adore her more. She was too pretty for words. Harry nodded, although he didn’t fully know what she was talking about. “I should get to work” he whispered back, voice barely audible, except y/n was so close she didn’t need any more volume from him.

With clumsy hands, Harry reached to his side, not paying attention to anything other than y/n and her pretty face and how fast his heart was racing, trying to place a book back into the small nook it left when he took it down, missing terribly and having it scatter down to his feet, with a thud weakened by the carpeted ground. Y/n and Harry pull apart in surprise, not fully believing what had just happened, the trance they had sunk into for a brief moment. Harry cleared his throat silently, toying with his frames on his face before bending over to pick up the book and straighten the creased page where it fell on. They whispered short goodbyes and went their separate ways, both with troubled breathings and warm cheeks, thinking of how much more different things would have ended had Harry’s hands not been so clumsy. Harry thought his glasses would fog over with how steamy he felt his face get, but he marched on towards his dorm, trying to calm his beating heart and get ready for work before he was late.

It was the end of the week when they saw each other again. The bell to the bakery door dinged, and Harry didn’t look up from placing baked goods on the display, until a familiar voice called for him over the decorated counter. “Hi!” y/n chirped happily. “Oh, hey, what are you doing here?” Harry asks genuinely confused, pushing his glasses up his nose from his hunched position. He doesn’t remember y/n coming in this bakery much, except she’d been there more times since he got back to working there and after he’d started tutoring her. Harry wanted to think it was a coincidence, but wouldn’t lie that the idea of it not being one, was making his stomach fill with butterflies. Was she coming more because of him? No way. He couldn’t believe it. “Jenna wanted some cookies before we went to the mall” y/n leaned over the counter, swaying left and right adorably, her smile wider than ever. “I have great news” “What’s that?” he couldn’t help but smile back. “I got an A on that test” she winked at him. “What?! Congrats! That’s so great!” y/n brushed her shoulder, as if saying ‘I’m the best, I know’ before bursting into a full on giggle. “I just happen to have the best tutor” Harry immediately smiled and blushed at her words. “Shut up.” he waved a hand, dismissing her, but she continued to say how true was it that he’s just that good of a teacher. Harry interjected “We have to celebrate!” “Totally!” And before anything else could be said, Harry’s boss called him from the kitchen, interrupting his little break and happy interaction with y/n, and she smiled at him as he pointed behind him, rolling his eyes, understanding he had to get back to work. “Stop by my dorm later, yeah? I’ll bring cupcakes” y/n fake gasped in excitement at his words that were laced with a warm smile. “Had me at cupcakes” and with that she leaned even further in and pressed her lips to Harry’s dimpled cheek, whispering “see you” before skipping over to her friend by the door, and out of the bakery, hair bouncing left and right as she swayed away, leaving Harry the closest to a puddle of adoration he has ever been. Any more and he’d be melted just as much as the rich chocolate frosting on the goods he was arranging on the display.

By the time he got off work and all the way back to campus, y/n was leaning on his door when he walked down the hall. “Hey! Been waiting long?” “Nope, just got here really” she smiled at him so big, his cheeks were already feeling extra red. “Okay” he whispered shyly, reaching over and unlocking his door, letting her walk in first, then locking it again behind him. The small pink box from the bakery was placed on his desk and y/n clapped excitedly, like a little child that knew they were having their favourite for dinner.

Y/N recounted how easy she’d breezed through the exam as they lounged around in his room, sprawled across bean bags with the box of cupcakes between them. “Damn. You won’t even need me tutoring you at this pace” Harry praised her, but her face pulled into a frown, making him grow confused. “Aw man, I like you tutoring me. I like studying with you” she said truthfully, reaching out and poking his shoulder. They were back to their comfortable playful banter, with all the memories of kissing fresh in their minds, to the point y/n thought they were flirting but she was perfectly fine with it. She wanted to. She wanted to be cute and play coy and possibly get cheeky and kiss him some more, but the way Harry’s always been more shy and nervous – except when he was slamming her against a wall, that was something else – she sensed that she would have to take it a tad slower. “I like studying with you too” he admitted, still shocked that she’d said it first. He loved studying with her. Being with her in general was his favourite way to spend the time. “Bummer there’s nothing I can tutor you in when this semester’s over, you know-it-all” y/n joked, taking a bite of a cupcake. “Hey, not my fault.” he laughed “but, I don’t know… we could... just study together, despite the class… I mean, if you’re okay with that” “Of course! We can compare schedules and see when we could just… study… together, maybe on the weekends?” y/n blushed. “Yeah. Might have Intro to Philosophy on saturdays though” “I have to take that too! Let’s sign up for the same block!” y/n chimed in with excitement, reaching over to high five Harry as his face broke out into a huge smile, the kind that y/n loved seeing on his features. The kind of smile that made her happy as well, the kind that settled her nerves before an exam.

The kind that made her want to kiss him.

That feeling hadn’t left her alone for the past couple of days. It was like it chased her and she found herself wanting to be caught, wondering if maybe she should push again. She stared at the back of him as he stood by his desk, cleaning up after himself and gathering things to throw away alongside the empty box of cupcakes. Her eyes ran up and down his frame. He was something else, something she hadn’t figured out yet, but was pleased to know she was at least on her way to. He was giving her all these emotions she wasn’t sure of at first, but now she was aching for more. She couldn’t remember ever feeling like this when she and Jonathan, or any other boyfriend she’d had, started dating. That feeling like you’re on fire but you’re okay with it.

That, she would call lust.

But what would she call the butterflies and the tingles, the childlike giddiness and the blushing cheeks?

It would have to remain unnamed for now, at least while lust bubbled over faster, driving her towards Harry as she tapped his shoulder making him turn towards her. Harry was doing his own batch of silent thinking and wondering, a hand pinching the bridge of his nose as the other set his glasses down on his desk before focusing on her with a soft smile. He’d gone from not being able to say a word to y/n, to kissing her. And if his eyes and his gut didn’t deceive him, he’d spotted something that resembled his own want for her, in her eyes as they looked back at him, and he found it again now, when he turned around and there she was, her chest almost flush against his, cheeks red and heavy breathing. There was something there that acted like some sort of magnet, bringing his own reciprocating feelings to the surface of it all.

No words were shared between the two, only longing looks and a mute conversation that resonated deep within them. Before Harry’s anxious brain could kick in with something stupid disguised as logic – like stopping the situation in fear of not being enough – y/n pushed forward and pressed her lips to his.

Harry missed it. Kissing her again made him realise that he had somehow missed the feeling. He didn’t know how it was possible, for he had only kissed her briefly once before, but somehow he missed it. He surely missed the rush that it sent through his veins, and before he knew it, just like the first time they kissed, he started taking control, pressing his body to hers, wanting more and more – mainly because he didn’t know if he’d ever get more of it, of her, and he wanted to make it last – and moving both their bodies until she’s flush between his chest and the wall, the position triggering the memory of last time, when she’d squealed in pain from her tattoo. Harry pulled away, out of breath and disoriented. She was too much for him to handle, too much for his brain and body and heart to be in any sort of sync anymore. “Wait, wait” he said between puffs of air. Y/N’s chest moved up and down fastly, her own lungs out of air as well. “I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t mean to… I just” He didn’t know where to start, how to tell her that he wanted her to want it too, that he wanted to treat her right, and that this wasn’t only lust for him. This was so much more, so much that she didn’t know, and he was afraid she’d run if she knew, but instead, as he searched her eyes for any sign of discomfort – and deep down in his brain for excuses to cut it all short – what he found was the same desire sparkling back at him. “Harry…–” she interrupted his babbling in a shy whisper – “I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt” her hand brought his face to look at her, deep into her irises, hoping she was saying everything she didn’t know how to phrase with just a look. Their breaths evened out, the only noise in the room. “Nothing hurts” she finished, engulfing them in silence as Harry let the words sink in, allowing the meaning behind it to go through his thick skull. For a nerdy, studious man like himself, y/n was the one topic he didn’t get exactly right, until this point. He was sure this was the first time he was truly in sync with her. As if he’d received an electric shock, his body reacted, snapping out of some sort of trance, and landing his lips to hers again.

This was what she meant, what she was saying.

Harry had never had a girl, or anyone really, in his room like this. It never felt like this before, like the air was too hot, but not hot enough. The dorm had never felt so big and spacious that he needed the warmth of another body melted into his, but that’s what he wanted with y/n, and with a swift tug he knew she felt it too.

They stumbled around the room, on their way to his bed while groping and pinching and discovering with their hands as their mouths had a dance of their own. It was frantic and a little messy, but it meant everything to Harry. He feared one of her pinches would be hard enough to wake him up, and he’d sit up in bed and realise this was another one of those dreams. He’d had enough of those; the real deal was here and wanted him too, the realization of it making him woozy.

Y/N was laid under him, shirt long forgotten and hair a mess but the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on anyways. She worked her fingers around the hem of his jeans, itching to pull them off, starving for more skin on skin contact. His tattooed chest already doing wonders to her emotions as it pressed to her naked one. Garments were softly yet rapidly removed, the speed at which things progressed not taking away from the meaning behind it. How fast they were going didn’t make this just another encounter, but instead spoke loudly of how much they both craved the other, so much to the point that another second without it would drive them mad.

It was heat, a heat they had been deprived of and hadn’t realised until now.

Open mouth to open mouth, they breathed in and out in short huffs, bodies so close they didn’t need to say anything to have a chat. The sliver of doubt that crossed Harry’s eyes was so minimal y/n almost didn’t catch it, but she did because suddenly it was like they were born to be this connected. Y/N’s hands pulled Harry back to her lips by the neck, reassuring him in a way, as his snaked under her body, lifting her off the bed enough to remove the last piece of clothing that stood between complete intimacy. It was then that Harry really knew what was about to happen as he reached over his nightstand for protection. This wasn’t just his imagination, this was something else. This was it. “Y/N” he whispered to her neck, lifting himself up so he could look at her, sprawled out on his mattress, glowing and nude. The sight alone made him ache. She was… He didn’t have a word. No dictionary he could read had the right word to describe her. How she bit her lip, and her eyes had a vibrancy in them he never imagined possible, how she sensually mouthed the barely audible words that meant the demise of his self control. “I want you, Harry”

That was it.

Trembling hands prepared him for it as he took deep breaths. With long groans and a slow rhythm he’d thrusted into her, her warmth welcoming him, immediately sending his hormones in a frenzy. Her mewls were his new favourite sound and the way his face scrunched up in pleasure with every dip of his hips, was her new favourite picture.

Lust.

Lust, but so tender and caring. Maybe she could call those other feelings that. She didn’t want to waste time on that. All of her focus was on Harry, clouding her brain like a storm season, hitting her in spots undiscovered, now brought to life by him. “H-Harry I’m- God” Y/N slowly wrapped her legs around his figure, dragging them along his thighs until they were up by his hips, ankles crossing behind his back, hands digging into his shoulder blades. He didn’t just feel good with his slow paced thrusts, he felt good to the touch. He felt good to feel.

“F-fuck me” he moaned to her ear, eyes closed shut in bliss, dropping kisses and bites down towards her neck and collarbones. Harry wanted every little bit of her, something to take from this and keep forever. He feared he would screw it all up and he’d be sunken down back to just dreaming of her, so he wanted to collect everything he could. Her taste, her smell, how she felt around him. It was all a mission to keep her close, just like this, for whenever he’d need her. He wanted to close his eyes and be able to see this replaying every time. Looking up to her was quite the sight. Lids at half mast, open mouth and little moans of “Yes, Harry, fuck” that would – if he was lucky – haunt him forever.

He wanted to smack himself for being this stupid, for allowing this to happen knowing that he probably wouldn’t get it again. Make it unforgettable Harry, he kept thinking, for both of you. But it was hard.

It was hard to want her for this long, so much that in just a matter of minutes he was on the edge of his finish.

He looked down at her, the words escaping him before he could process any syllable that stumbled between gasps for air. “Gorgeous, fuck– You’re so gorgeous, you’re beautiful, y/n, you’re- Christ” the last of it came in a shivering huff, as the tickling of his orgasm crept up his spine. “M-more, Harry, I-I want you” her back arched off the bed, her own finish threatening to take over, ready to wash over her like an ocean. “I’m close- I’m- Harry, yes” “Me too. Y/N… You-you…” he couldn’t finish that sentence, feeling her tighten around him, his grip on her waist tightening, as her nails left marks on his back, their chests pressed together to where no one could tell where Harry ended and y/n started. His arm felt like giving out as his resolve weakened and Harry’s own release came forth. Almost like a chain reaction, y/n let out a long moan as she climaxed, and within the next few seconds Harry followed right back, spilling into the condom in hot spurts, an orgasm he’d only dreamed of but finally had.

There wasn’t any collapsing onto her body, for he was already so close to her during the whole act that it only felt like being naked once more when he shuffled to her side, only half his body on top of hers. Neither had a thing to say as their respirations calmed, and once more only their eyes talked as they gazed into each others’.

Harry didn’t know what to say, where to even start. It would be too much to admit he’d dreamt of this, right? Yeah, that was too forward. If he ever wanted a chance with her, that was a sliver of information he should keep a secret. Y/N didn’t know what to say either, deciding it was better to not say anything at all and just reach over and delicately run her fingers through his hair.

He looked so pretty like that, without his thick glasses, spent and fucked out, what a sight, and y/n realised Harry had started to look pretty every time she saw him.

It took them just a few minutes of relaxing and assimilating what had just happened, before y/n was taken over by giggles. Awkward, post-sex giggles that made Harry’s dimpled smile surface in a flash. She was the most beautiful thing in the world, how and when did he get this lucky?

Y/N bit her lip once more as the laughter subsided, and it was Harry’s turn to caress her cheek with delicate hands. His green eyes said it all, and y/n felt as if he was telling her all the compliments in the world with just a look, causing her to blush along with him. “Har-” she began, finally one of them starting the conversation that so badly needed to happen but neither knew how to begin, and was interrupted by an abrupt knock on Harry’s door. “Room check, Styles!” They short of jumped off the bed at the sudden intrusion, Harry immediately scurrying to grab his clothes and the blanket by their feet for y/n to cover her naked body. Fuck fuck fuck, was all he kept murmuring under his breath as he ran to dress himself. He knew that on the other side of his door was Liam, the more chill monitor, the one Harry was sorta friends with. He signalled to y/n to hide while he attended the door, and, wrapped in just a sheet she got up, positioning herself behind a wall and trying to slowly dress herself in hidden while holding in her laughter. For some reason this was hilarious to her. Just how many times will her moments with Harry get interrupted.

Harry opened the door just a bit, enough for Liam to peek in and go away, if it wasn’t for the fact that Harry looked so incredibly guilty, it would be unfair for Liam to not mess with him a bit. “Hi!” Harry said, a bit to over the top. “Room check, everything okay?” “All good” he rushed “It’s past hours, any girls here?” Liam tried to walk in the room but Harry stood his ground, keeping him from storming in. “Nope” Liam squinted at Harry’s nervous stance and fast, chirpy replies. “Hmmm, how about you let me in then, Harry?” “Uhh… i-it’s a mess in here, y-you wouldn’t-” “We’re all men! –” Liam countered – “Of course it’s a mess, nothing I haven’t seen before… Right?” He arched an eyebrow in challenge. Harry was hiding something, it was clear, and Liam wanted to ruffle him up a bit, so he pushed again, this time opening the door a little more and a little more, despite Harry trying his best to stop him. “Liam… L-Liam please, stop. Liam, I swear” he said in a rushed, hushed voice, practically begging him to go away. “Aw c’mon Harry” Liam teased “I need to do my-” With a quick gaze around the room Liam saw it. 

The door had opened just enough for Liam to see a quick reflection in the mirror at the other end of the room. The silhouette of a girl, he couldn’t tell who from his spot – and neither did he see anything inappropriate, thank God – wrapped up in a sheet and cowering behind the wall trying to get dressed quickly. Liam’s jaw dropped open slowly, eyebrows rising in shock. “Oh” he murmured, causing Harry to turn around and catch what Liam had seen, nerves and slight anger immediately rushing through his veins. With a swift push, he got Liam back to the hall, keeping him away. “Liam-” “Oh, Harry...” he teased some more, winking and raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, causing the curly haired one to grow as red as an actual tomato. He’s sure he’s never seen anyone turn this red in his life. Liam raised his hand for a high five but Harry punched him in the shoulder, hard enough for him to back down but not enough to really really hurt him. “Shut up” Harry whispered. “I didn’t say anything!” “Go, Liam!” he shooed his friend away with a groan. “Fine, fine” Liam raised his arms in the air in a sign of defeat. “But she’s got 10 minutes to leave” he whispered to Harry before winking at him one last time and walking away.

Harry rested his back on the door as he closed it, letting out a long exhausted sigh. Unbelievable. He rubbed his eyes in annoyance. This was the last thing he needed, but his anger dissipated quickly when y/n walked up to him, slipping her arms through the sleeves of her hoodie, getting officially dressed back again. Now Harry was back to being shy and red beyond belief. “God that was so…” “Embarrassing? Yeah” y/n said between giggles, making light of the situation for both their sakes and inducing a giggle to come out of him as well. She took a hold of one of Harry’s hands and squeezed it. “I should go, then?” All Harry could do was nod as he bit his lip. God, he wanted her to stay, every day if she wanted, but he knew she couldn’t. Maybe someday, just how tonight had been a dream come true, maybe her staying was a wish that life would grant Harry down the road, but for now she needed to leave. Harry cleared his throat in awkwardness. “Y/N, uh… I just… I” she shushed him “Yeah I know… that was…” “Yeah” again, they giggled. This time it was Harry who, without even expecting it himself, initiated the contact, bringing her close to his body by wrapping his arms around her waist, placing her close enough that his heart beat sped up once again. “It was good” she whispered, and it almost made him drop dead when his heart skipped a beat. It was good? She had enjoyed it? “Yeah?” it was her time to just nod coyly, standing on the tips of her toes to press a chaste kiss to his lips. If it were up to Harry he’d freeze time right there, in that post-climax, comfortable, giggly heaven they had wrapped themselves in.

When she stepped back, Harry was still savouring the whole night. He didn’t want any detail to escape his brain later on, or ever. Y/N was preparing to leave and the moment she’d stepped out of his room Harry felt himself spiraling. God, he didn’t even tell her how he felt, he didn’t know if she thought he just wanted something physical, he knew nothing. All of that had happened and he still felt like he knew nothing.

He figured this was as good of a time as any to make sure she knew that he really really wanted her, and not just in the way he’d just had her. And so, with a shaky breath and equally shaky hands, he gathered the confidence he didn’t know he could even muster until a few weeks back, and turned around, deciding to go after her.

Opening his door he comes face to face with her and for a second they just stare. She had also turned around, not ready to leave just yet. Not ready to finish a conversation she wasn’t sure had actually started. “Harry, I-” “Go on a date with me” He said, cutting her own sentence short “Please.” His hands were in tight fists in anticipation as another thought ran through his brain. 

What if she wanted something physical, he didn’t even think of that, he could be royally fucking everything up by being so forward like that. 

He looked up at her, peeking at her expression, and all of his body was relieved to find a smile on her features. That was a good sign? Right? “Okay” she whispered, so silently Harry didn’t think he was meant to hear it but he did. He did and there was nothing stopping the butterflies and the tingles and everything nice that took over him at that moment. “Yes?” he asked, just to make absolutely sure. “Yes” and this time she nodded as well, giving him a visual that, indeed, she had agreed.

Neither said much after that. Now there was truly nothing left to be said. With little whispery “see you tomorrow”s, they parted ways for good, y/n a mess of giggles and blushing cheeks as she walked back to her dorm not far away, and Harry an explosion of butterflies and his face all hot as he let his body fall back on his bed and he replayed everything, from the beginning, from the moment the cute girl had sat next to him in chemistry 101 and had laughed at his jokes. The same girl that flooded his dreams and had been driving him crazy since then and that he now had a date with.

He wanted to see her again already, he even wanted to dream of her again and again and again, but with all that excitement he wasn’t sure he could sleep a wink.

Thanks for reading! FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED PLEASE!!! I want to know what you think of this. I MIGHT HAVE AN IDEA FOR A LITTLE EXTRA BLURB REGARDING SOMETHING MORE SMUTTY SO MAYBE THAT WILL COME SOMEDAY. 

Anyways, do let me know what you thought etc etc! please! I Beg! And you’re always welcome to come chat about marcel in different scenarios, anything really. 

Smooches Iv. XO.

Masterlist  ||  My Ask

[alicedoessurveys]

VERY long survey

Where have you lived throughout your life? 

Birmingham UK

Do you find your job rewarding? 

N/A

What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? 

chocolate

To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? 

I enjoy both, but bagels.

Do you paint your nails? 

yes. although they're not painted at the moment because ive been cleaning the house so much the past couple days and its stripped my varnish off

What’s the last website you signed up for? 

a dating thing

Do you check your email everyday? 

yes, I cant stand having the little red number above the mail app 

Have you created any pages on Facebook?

yes but I dont have them anymore

Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? 

every subject, but especially maths and science 

What’s your favourite song by Dave Matthews Band? 

I dont know any 

Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? 

I dot particularly enjoy talking to anyone :’)

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? 

yes, we wondered around through the middle of Birmingham at 4am 

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? 

haha nope

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover?

yes

Have you ever had a panic attack? 

many, I had to drop out of college because of them 

Are you deathly allergic to anything? 

nope

Have you ever had a mouse in your house? 

nope

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? 

myself 

Is anyone you know really religious? 

my family

Are your eyebrows naturally thick? 

yes

Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? 

not physically sick, but definitely felt it. the worst experience Ive had with speaking was in college when I had to give a speech then teach a 10 minute class. my throat totally dried up and I literally couldnt speak. everyone just stared at me and I was trying so hard not to cry. longest 10 minutes of my life and as soon as it finished I legged it out the room and burst into tears. 

What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? 

Mary Poppins Returns almost got me but the last film to actually make me cry was Coco. That shit had me SOBBING!

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? 

yes 

Has a laptop ever burned your legs? 

not really, I put a cushion on my lap normally

Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow?

no

Who was the last person to flip you off? 

probably rhys, as a joke

Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? 

my dad turns 50 next week

Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? 

I have done a few times but they annoy me

Are you good at following directions? 

no no no I get confused very easily

Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? 

yes rhys 

From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? 

if I reach behind me 

When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? 

occasionally, it depends where I am and what im eating 

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? 

manual 

Are your biceps at all noticeable? 

they used to be before they went into hiding under a layer of fat 

Have you ever seen a walrus? 

nope

When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? 

no, I believe in the ‘what food is it’ and ‘how dirty is the floor’ rules

If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? 

yes. I was supposed to have gone on a camel ride in Tunisia ages ago but I was ill so we didn't get to go 

Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer?

they could be. the number of people getting cancer has gone up a lot since everyone has mobile phones 

When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? 

depends who it is 

Do you tend to jump to conclusions? 

yes. Im an anxious person so im constantly overthinking and I also find people really hard to read and can get

Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? 

yes my brain cant remember important things but when it comes to dates its like a sponge 

Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? 

getting a job

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? 

ew no

How long does it take you to fall asleep? 

about 15 minutes depending on how tired I am 

Do you crack your neck often?

no that freaks me out 

Did you have a weird dream last night? 

not that I can remember, I have been having a lot of weird dreams this week because im ill

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? 

everyone. especially when im at the theatre, im constantly watching other people and wishing I could act like they can or look like them or have their style 

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? 

both

In what way are you your own worst enemy? 

every way, I dont look after myself at all 

What activities make you lose track of time? 

sims

When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” 

not really 

Who do you tell your secrets to? 

these surveys 

Who do you live with? 

my parents and our foster kids 

When did/will you graduate? 

I didn't 

When are you moving next? 

I have no idea. probably never 

When is the last time you took a vitamin? 

this morning, im fighting a cold 

Why are you stressed? 

im not too bad right now tbh

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? 

nope

Where do you keep your birth certificate? 

no clue, my mom has it somewhere 

How many books are in your room?

a lot. I have quite a few on display and a whole bunch hidden away in my closet because theres no space for them anywhere else. I'll include some photos of the books in my room;

(the book on my bedside table in the second picture is actually a lamp that lights up when you open it)

Have you ever been IN a wedding? 

nope

What was the last thing you laughed out loud at?

probably my mom 

Do you have a nickname? Why? 

my family call my bongy or Ali bong, I dont know why.. (my name is Alice)

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? 

nope

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? 

my mom tells me almost every day but Im like youre my mom of course you would say that 

Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? 

no

Want someone back in your life? 

meh

Are you currently sad about anything? 

actually nope

Are you wearing anything shiny? 

my pj top has glittery silver letters on

How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? 

very, I fall very easily for people who make me laugh

How many followers do you have on Twitter? 

198 (@alicethenerd if ya wanna follow 😉)

Do you sleep with the door open or closed? 

closed. I aint about letting those murderers and monsters just waltz straight in easy peasy 

Have you ever been to the beach? 

yes every summer since I was a kid 

Can you handle blood? 

nope

Do you pay your bills or do your parents?

I pay my own bills. no way my dad would be up for paying my bills, he already digs at me constantly about the fact that I live rent free even though I look after the foster kids and tidy the house more than he does

What’s your best friend’s middle name? 

Connor

Has any place hired you underage for a job? 

not officially

Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? 

yes

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? 

no

Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? 

no

Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? 

I hope to become wealthy enough to not worry about having enough money to put fuel in my car anymore and to be able to pay back my parents and grandad for everything they've done for me 

Do you remember your first time going to the movies? 

no, but my earliest cinema memory was going to watch Monsters Inc with my dad when it was first released 

Does eating breakfast make you sick? 

if I try to eat before a certain time yes

Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute?

not dying to nope

Book series you enjoyed reading recently? 

im reading eve of man atm which apparently is going to be a series

Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? 

I prefer lying on a blanket, I dont like the feel of grass and I dont like the bugs crawling around 

Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? 

yes, it doesn't have many stamps in because I lost the one that did have lots in and I havent been away much since getting the new one 

Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? 

nope

Do any of your close friends have children? 

no

What do you plan on having for dinner?

we already had dinner, we had chippy

Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? 

I only really like one meal 

Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? 

actually yes, literally a few weeks ago

Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? 

yes, my second cousin 

Have you ever played flashlight tag?

ive never heard of it

Could you call yourself a movie buff?

not really, im a huge movie fan but theres still a lot I need to see 

Have you ever had a piercing get infected?

never had a piercing 

Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? 

dad does it

Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? 

nope nope nope, my legs are not suitable for public viewing :’)

Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy?

not really no. my nan and grandpa’s house is always neat but not obsessively neat. my grandads house is full of clutter because my nan was a hoarder 

About how much can you bench press? 

I dont know, I havent lifted in years 

Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? 

yes

Is anybody in your family a carpenter? 

no

Are you avoiding someone? 

yes

Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? 

I dont have a boyfriend but if I did I doubt id call him monkey

What’s your favorite primary color? 

yellow #hufflepuffpride

What were you for Halloween? 

nothing, I didn't dress up 

Do you have any clothes from Walmart? 

nope, we dont have Walmart here

When did you get a Facebook? 

about 10 years ago 

What color are your eyes? 

green/hazel

What motivates you? 

happiness

Can you walk in heels? 

nope

When was the last time someone asked you your age? 

the other day, my own mother forgot how old I was

Do you keep a journal? 

not really

Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? 

never had vodka

Do you wear a ring on your finger? 

occasionally

What are you doing? 

watching ‘the greatest dancer’ and wondering if this survey is ever going to end 

What’s the last kind of soup you ate?

tomato 

Do you currently have a sunburn?

no. its winter

Who did you last text? 

my sister

Who’d you last call? About what? 

my mom, to ask her to come downstairs and let the dogs out because the baby was asleep on me and there was no way I was going to risk waking her up

Are you currently frustrated with someone? 

yes

Do you drink water or soda more often? 

water

Do you straighten your hair?

yes

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? 

today

What is your least favorite vegetable? 

all of them

Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. 

Rhys, Addison, Jacob

In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? 

IT

Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? 

I didn't really enjoy any subjects at school

When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? 

today. I had planned to deep clean the bathroom but I went super dizzy and had to give up half way through cleaning 

Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? 

I dont but I am seriously considering adopting one of our foster babies atm. I want to adopt anyway, theres no way I could be pregnant 

When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing?Describe it. 

I honestly cant remember, im due a shopping trip

Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female?

female

Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. 

not really no

Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? 

I would cautiously forgive him but I would also make sure he knew that how he treated me was not okay and that he really upset me and this would be his last chance. but tbh I think hes done with me so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nastiest thing you’ve ever done? 

I dont know, I dont like being nasty

Have you ever been in a lighthouse? 

nope

What colour is your shower? 

I think its silver, ive ever actually noticed

Where do you order your pizza from?

dominos

When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone?

few days ago 

Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? 

yes, im a creature of habit

What colour is your bike?

silver & purple

What word can you not stand to hear people say? 

the c word, I cant even type it

What room of your house are you in? 

living room 

What is the temperature in your city right now? 

9°c

When did you last use a post-it-note?

last week in the script for the show im currently working on 

Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? 

yes

Do you have a fan in your bedroom? 

no I dont like them, they make too much noise 

Who is the last person that you took a picture with? 

one of our foster kids 

When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam?

the weekend before christmas 

Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? 

not many

When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 

almost two years ago 

What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? 

I dont like salads

If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? 

all the time, Im constantly writing lists or reminders to myself 

How good would you say your memory is?

long term good, short term bad

About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? 

a few times

Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? 

multiple, we have plugs in and sprays and those automatic ones that go off every 15 minutes 

What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently?

done my laundry :’) im on my last pair of pants!

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? 

no

Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? 

not really, I dont like being too hot

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? 

no

Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? 

yes, I love driving most of the time 

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? 

no

Do you like french fries?

yes

Have you ever eaten so much you puked?

not since I was a kid 

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? 

annoyingly yes

Would you rather go to Greece or France?

greece

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 193 prt 1

193

When Lance fell asleep, their roles had reversed. Keith calling Shiro to check in, after overhearing how they hadn’t really talked to anyone. The conversation with his brother wasn’t that long due to him not wanting to leave Lance. Knowing Krolia, whatever advice she’d given him was probably shit, though, as Lance had said, his mother was probably the closest person he could turn to advice for this. Coran may have had a pretty interesting past, but as far as Keith knew, he’d never been on the end of being pregnant. Pidge... wasn’t exactly maternal, and Allura... was Allura. She’d make a good mother... in her own way. Maybe this trip would have been better if they’d invited the others? Not so much Rieva and Matt, but Pidge and Hunk.

“Keith?”

Hearing Lance call his name, he forced himself out the bathroom. It was now closer to dusk than to dawn. Lance had needed time to cry out his frustrations

“Hey, beautiful. How are you feeling?”

“Better... thirsty... and sorry”

Sorry because they hadn’t been to see his dad yet... Keith was slightly annoyed by that fact, but not mad. Lance hadn’t asked for his ego to start being a pain in the arse, and with all the stress he’d been putting himself under, he really needed the rest

“Do you want some blood?”

“We didn’t do my injection”

Fuck. He hadn’t thought of that

“Do you want to go the bathroom, and I’ll get it organised?”

“Okay”

It felt like nothing now to draw a bit of blood for Lance’s injections. The fear of the curse had lessened. Lance would have never tried to feed off Matt or Rieva, even in a desperate situation. But whether it be luck, or Lance’s own curse, it seemed to kill the werewolf curse before it could turn their twins. Maybe Lance had a point about some of their more careless activities? They shouldn’t be able to stand being in the same room, they both shared moments with their egos that really hurt, but he hadn’t been thinking of his own safety since turning. Just the safety of everyone they called family.

Coming back from the bathroom, Lance sat beside him on their bed. Resting his against Keith’s shoulder, he sighed softly

“Okay... inject away”

The injection always only took a moment. In, inject, out, then Lance would rub at the healing mark. His boyfriend sighing again, overthinking things

“You needed to let it out”

“I know. I feel like I’ve brought the whole mood down and I hate it. You must be starving”

Yep. He was. His metabolism was something crazy. The amount of food he consumed was frankly scary

“I’m okay. Here, have some blood and we can think about getting something to eat”

“I thought I had this planned. You know? We’d have breakfast, than go see your dad. Clean his grave up. Talk to him... A mental breakdown wasn’t scheduled”

“Are they ever? Did mum help?”

“She’s no Mami when it comes to advice. She said to chuck my fear out the window”

Keith snorted

“Right. Because it’s totally that easy. Was she okay?”

They didn’t know if she was coming or not. Not with her work schedule. Keith kind of hoped she would, yet she’d made indications of it. Like, would he even recognise his father’s grave? And what did he say?

“Yeah. She was her usual self. I called her for advice, but I know she was disappointed it wasn’t you”

“Nah. She loves you. I think she even likes you better than me”

“She’s your mum. She loves you. She’s pretty worried how this is affecting you. I could tell”

“I’m okay... kind of. I’m getting there. Umm... Nothing time with my beautiful boyfriend won’t fix”

Lance groaned at him

“Babe, you don’t have to try so hard. It’s okay. I’m hardly beautiful... I’m like... the very definition of a wreck right now”

“You’ll be okay. Here, wrist or um... neck?”

“Wrist... sorry... it’s just easier in this position”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not sorry”

He’d noticed something. Lance only liked to feed on his neck when they were making out or in the heat of things. His fingers when Lance was trying to be quite mid do

“I am. I love you so much. So so much. I neglected your safety... and you’re still being... so good to me”

“Idiot. I love you. Your hunger won’t last forever. I should have gotten some blood into while you slept... it’s bad to let your... um... levels drop”

“I’ll be okay. They’re still okay... I think one of them tried to break my rib when I was in the bathroom”

Keith loved hearing the twins were moving. Even when it was uncomfortable for Lance, he felt like he was hearing cute stories he wouldn’t be able to forget. He didn’t think he had the patience to be pregnant... which only made him prouder of strength Lance showed

“They take after you. All silent and deadly”

“Babe, I’m not a fart”

Keith hadn’t thought of that, chuckling as he shook his head

“I know. You smell awful in a good way. Not like my lactose farts”

“Eh. They’re part of you. A couple of wads of tissue up my nose and you’d never tell”

“I’ll remember that for next time. Here, eat something. Don’t be afraid if you need a little more”

That was something else Keith noticed. Lance took care with the amount of blood he took from him, but the volume seemed like it would be a lot for a human. Very rarely he felt light headed, questioning if he’d be conscious if he was still human. He’d never tell Lance. He’d freak out immediately, plus fluids and a good meal had him back in shape in no time. Lance moaned as he bit into Keith’s wrist, reminding him he’d have to make more of an effort. Maybe it’d be for the best if he ran an IV line for Lance tonight, just to get his hunger knocked on the head completely.

Pulling off, Lance lapped at the trails of bloodied spit left on Keith’s arm. The wounds starting to heal instantly

“Better?”

Catching a few small beads pushed out by the healing wound, Lance hummed

“Mmm... I know this isn’t comfortable for you”

It shouldn’t have been hot, but it was. It stroked his pride to provide for their boyfriend the one thing he needed above all else

“I’m fine, babe. As long as you’ve had enough”

“Yeah... I’m good. I’m still sorry. I think I’ve been taking more and more of late”

“Nah, it’s fine. But I was thinking we should probably set you up with an IV later, seeing how little you ate today. You need to keep your fluids up”

“But keeping my fluids out means I have to pee”

Whining at him, Lance was too cute

“I love you and your walnut sized bladder anyway”

“I think it’s more like a grape at this stage. I’m sorry my ego chuckled a wobbly... and that we spent most of today in bed”

“There’s nothing more that I love, than spending the day in bed with you”

“Pervert. I’m serious though. I don’t want to be scared like that. I want to see where you grew up. I want to know everything about you. All of it”

“You might not like all of it”

“I don’t know. I think we both know that I’m like crazy stupid in love with you and all those little things that drive me crazy only make me love you more”

Keith groaned softly. He’d become weak to Lance. Last real story he had left to share with his boyfriend was the night Shiro saved his arse. Lance knew most of it. Keith couldn’t remember what he’d told him, nor was he sure why he’d never told him all of it. Being on the streets had taken a toll, and the thought of a warm bed and decent shower left him going with people he already knew were no good for him. They’d offered him a good time when he’d been so completely done with fighting to be alive

“Alright. How about we go get dinner and figure things out from there”

“Mmmm... sounds good to me. Let me change, then we’ll go”

“I probably need to freshen up too”

“I hate to say it but we both kind of stink”

From sweat. Under the blankets left them both sweating in their sleeps. Lance smelt deader than ever, with Keith not far off. Personally he didn’t mind stinking of Lance, but Lance felt like he needed to do more to protect Keith with things like being careful with his scent

“Want to take first shower while I look for somewhere good to eat?”

“Sounds like a plan... I... don’t know if I’ll freak out again”

“It’s okay. If you do, we can totally go. I know we’re here to see my dad, but your safety and comfort comes first. I don’t want you to think you have to hide things from me”

“I know. I won’t take too long”

“Don’t go rushing. The last thing we need is for you to slip. That sounded harsher than what I meant”

Lance shook his head at him

“It’s okay, we both know I’m a klutz. I’ll be careful. We’ve come this far. I’m not about to risk them”

“I’m worried about you, too. I don’t want you being hurt”

“I’ll be fine... Let me freshen up, then you can take me out for dinner”

Lance kissed Keith’s wrist where he’d fed. Keith couldn’t believe the passage of time since meeting Lance had moved so fast. It must have been a year now, or very close to a year. This time last year, he’d have thought himself turned and cursed with a single bite. The Blades really did teach some total bullshit when he stopped to consider all of things he hadn’t thought of before. He’d been such a dumb arse. Luckily he had Lance to set him straight... or not so straight... though he wasn’t sure what he was as it was Lance he loved and not only his physical body. Realising how easily he could fall into an internal debate over all of that, he gave a shake of his head. Lance said he’d let him take him to dinner, so that’s what he was going to do.

*

Holding Keith’s hand, the freshness of the night felt nice against Lance’s skin. Keith either hadn’t bothered looking up somewhere else to eat, or he’d been trying to please Lance, resulting in dinner at the same restaurant they’d had breakfast at. This time Lance figured out what was wrong with the place. As they’d finished dinner, the waitress had come to collect to their plates, on her arm balanced by the nozzle was a bottle of orange scented surface spray. Being a public restaurant, smells of all sorts bombarded his senses from the moment they walked. With so many scents, he hadn’t consciously noticed the orange surface spray.

The fact that Sendak still held such a hold over him left Lance unable to enjoy his meal. The atmosphere of the restaurant was good, Pidge would have loved the idea of sneakily signing them up for the weekend Karaoke competition, then abusing everyone heckling her over bad singing... He missed those days. He missed not being pregnant and not fearing his scent. Heck, he missed ghost hunting. He missed watching Pidge get super enthused as Hunk prayed for it all to be over. The restaurant was the kind of place he could see himself having a few quite drinks had the place been in Garrison. The kind of place that Sal’s had been to them before he’d had to hideaway his changing body. The Lord knew he was looking forward the day they could all go out again. He was going to order the biggest, greasiest, slimiest, cheesiest pizza in existence. Maybe even have Sal get some cigarette ash in there for that true diner flavour...

“Want to take a walk?”

No. Maybe... He wanted to go home to bed... but he’d spent the day in the hotel room. Staring past Keith, the stars twinkled over the town as if trying to say that nothing bad could ever happen here, which was a bold faced lie if ever there was one. Keith drew strength from the moon, and both of them had eye sight sharp enough to walk around in the dark safely enough... plus... it’d give them time to get the layout of the town down... His boyfriend seemed to be oblivious to internal wavering, Lance wondering if this was his way of easing into things he either wanted to tell, or easing into seeing his father... or even a chance to cover his arse when Shiro asked how much of the town they’d gone out and seen

“Sure. There’s a park a few blocks down. I saw it on the town map”

“You saw a town map?”

“Did you really not look this place up at all? They have a similar lay out to Garrison, which makes sense in a way... they were both trade posts at some time, though I’ve got not idea what they could have pulled out of all the sand”

“I didn’t even know that much. It’s like... all I remember is the shack... all of it feels like being on another planet”

Lance slid his hand into Keith’s

“It’s a good thing I’m here to keep you grounded. Don’t even think about packing your bags for another planet. You’re not leaving me behind”

“I’m sure that if I ever got spirited away into space, you’d be right there with me”

“Yep. Probably screaming my head off the whole time too”

“I think I would be too. Let’s go, I’ll follow your lead”

“Don’t you always?”

Keith kissed his cheek. Lance blushing lightly as his boyfriend replied “yep”, followed by two more kisses on his cheek. Lance would follow Keith to the ends of the Earth, with Keith just as happy to follow him instead. Unless one of them made the decision, they’d be following each other around in circles for the rest of their lives... That didn’t actually sound too bad...

Walking down to the park, the town had a nice vibe to it. Lance felt bad for whoever was in charge of cleaning the park’s rubbish bin after his dinner decided to make a reappearance before they’d reached the toilets towards the middle of the park. Cleaning up, and using the facilities, the pair of them settled themselves down on the swings. It’d been months since he’d been on a swing set, in Cuba, yet it had to be longer for Keith. Dragging his feet in the sand to make a heart, he supposed they looked like a couple of kids up to no good. He’d seen enough memes that he knew adults missed swing sets, and he knew he definitely counted in their ranks.

Pushing off lightly, the chain creaked under his weight. A memory of Veronica coming to mind from back when having a baby brother that was a vampire was something cool. He’d wanted to go higher and higher, the pegs of the swing set shaking, so Luis and Marco held it down as he swung as high as he could get. He’d been sure if he’d gotten a little higher he could have looped the chain around the top, but Papi had lost it at the four of them

“You seem happy”

“Mmm. I like swings”

Letting the swing slow naturally, Lance grinned at his boyfriend mischievously. They had the whole playground to themselves

“What about you? What’s your favourite piece of playground equipment?”

Keith hummed. He’d been making a mound between his shoes, trying to keep the sand from slipping back down

“I hate the monkey bars”

“Oh? What’d they ever do to you?”

“A shit kid at one of the families threw a rock at me because I could pull myself up to sit on top of them. It hit me in the head and I fell off backwards”

“Wow. That kid sounds like a wanker”

Keith nodded, expression semi serious

“They were. I got in trouble for falling off”

“That’s kind of what kids do though. They play and climb... it’s what kids are supposed to do”

Keith sighed, before shaking his head

“It doesn’t matter now. I can’t even remember their face, let alone why they through the rock”

“They were probably jealous because you’re so much cooler than them. I bet you were a totally rad kid. I wish I’d known you then”

Lance didn’t think about what he’d said. He felt like kicking himself as Keith mumbled

“Right. The fucked up orphan no body wanted was a “rad kid””

“Hey. No. No. That is not on you. Not at all. Adults are supposed to be there and be the strong ones. Not kids. I sincerely wish I could lord over every single person who hurt you, how fucking amazing you are”

Keith gave a scoff of disbelief. Lance saddened that his boyfriend’s anxiety had gotten to him this badly. Climbing off his swing, the vampire wrinkled his nose at the sand pouring into his shoes as he moved to stand behind Keith

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to push you?”

Wasn’t that obvious? He’d waddled his pregnant arse all the way behind Keith. The only logical conclusion was he was going to push him on the swing

“You don’t have to”

“Maybe I want to? Maybe I want to play in the park because there’s no one else around. No bad scents. No blood. No spirits. No yucky feelings other than the sand under my socks...”

“It is a nice park”

“Right? Now, hold on”

Pushing Keith on the swing, Keith gradually loosened up, even starting to laugh as Lance backed off and watched

“You can do it, babe!”

“I’m totally going to jump off, you know that, right?”

“It’s like an unwritten law of swinging, seeing how far you can jump”

“I think I have an advantage...”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m totally challenging you to a swing off once these two are born”

“That’s not fair, you’ve got wings”

Lance huffed. They had a mind of their own, much like the rest of his body

“Which are mostly useless. I can’t even fly around as a bat”

“That’s fine. Ready?”

“Go for it!”

Keith jumped a little too soon, half faceplanting in the sand. With the way he landed, Lance rushed to his side to find his boyfriend laughing

“Are you okay?”

“I fucked that up”

Kicking Keith lightly in the side with the toe of his shoe, his boyfriend rolled over, smiling like an idiot. Lance’s heart had stopped with the way Keith landed, now the idiot was smiling so happy he felt all warm inside

“You had me worried!”

“I guess I’m not that great at sticking the landing”

“You weren’t that great at jumping. You went before the swing was at the right height!”

“You make it sound like you’re training me for the Olympics”

Channeling the best sports commentator voice he could, Lance’s voice wobbled slightly as he tried not to laugh at how funny he was

“You don’t get at a ten-point-zero for your landing. Zero style. Very simplistic. Could this spell the end for Keith Kogane’s budding career before he even goes professional?”

Keith laughed. A proper unguarded laugh. Lance feeling the luckiest man in the world to hear it

“I’m being serious!”

“Uh huh. Sure you are. You know, the stars are really pretty. I feel like I can see them way better than before”

“That’s because all your senses increased. Werewolves and vampires are kind of night creatures”

“I still don’t know how to turn into a wolf. I don’t know if it counts”

“It totally does... Now, are you getting up? Or should I pick you up in the morning?”

Keith patted the sand next to him

“You could come down here”

“Or you could come up here... I’m too pregnant to deal with sand”

“Fair point. We have the whole park to ourselves... I don’t think I’ve ever really... just... you know...”

That Keith hadn’t played on a playground saddened Lance. Even as an adult, playgrounds were still fun. With no one around to watch them, there was no point being responsible adults

“You know, there’s a slide over there... and a flying fox...”

“Babe...”

Keith tried to dismiss the idea, Lance using “boyfriend” which proved very effective. Damn Pidge. She’d gone and put that back into his head at her birthday party

“Come on, it’ll be fun. I mean, I probably can’t use the spinner, not unless you want to scramble the twins, but the slide never gets old”

“Fine, but if we get in trouble, you’re taking the blame”

Lance shrugged. They weren’t violating any laws that he knew of. They weren’t intoxicated. Nor were they committing property damage or trespassing

“The lawyer in me tells me it’s going to be okay”

“I’ll remember that when I get my one phone-call”

“You better. Though it would be a conflict of interest to represent you, so let’s not get in trouble?”

The did indeed get into trouble. Keith got wedged in the kids slide, and Lance was too tall for the flying fox, so that was disappointing. They were still messing around when the lights of a cruiser flashed red and blue, the two of them called over by a police officer who looked unable to catch them, even if they had been human. Swallowing down his fear, Lance took Keith by the hand, walking him over to the officer when Keith kept telling him they should run. Getting closer, the man clearly didn’t expect two fully grown adults to be playing in the park so late at night.

“Officer, how are you tonight?”

Putting on an air of responsibility, Lance felt he’d be the more convincing adult of the pair of them

“I had a call about teenagers mucking around in the park. Want to tell me about it?”

Keith snorted with laughter, Lance stepping on his foot to shut him up

“That was us, sir. I’m sorry if we created a disturbance. We’re on holiday, you know, before the twins come, and wanted to have a little fun. I had no idea we we’re causing a disturbance”

Keith tried to muffle his laughter, Lance mentally rolling his eyes at his boyfriend who was clearly upsetting the police officer. Huffily, the man asked

“So I’m not going to find any of that junky paraphernalia you young people are into these days?”

“No, sir. I know we might look young, but I’m 46 and my boyfriend here is 28. No drugs, or alcohol, sir”

The man looked them up and down, Lance waited for something along the lines of “I wouldn’t lie to a police officer, if I was you”. Instead the man sighed

“Look. You can’t be playing in the park at midnight. You’re obviously not locals. You staying at the hotel?”

“Yes, sir. My boyfriend is a photographer, we’re travelling to work on his portfolio. Sorry. We wanted to have a little fun with no one around”

“I’ll have you save that sort of fun for a more appropriate environment. Get in the back, I’ll give you both a ride back”

Lance immediately shook his head

“We’re both able to walk back...”

“That wasn’t an invitation. We get a lot of blow ins for this damn Easter festival the town insists on having. The last thing I need is the pair of you thinking your entitled to cause trouble. Get in”

Lance felt like a scolded school child as he did as he was told, Keith sliding in beside him, though his boyfriend still thought they should run. Clipping their belts in obediently, Lance bit his bottom lip. Maybe they’d gotten carried away? He didn’t think they were being too loud. All they’d been doing was acting like idiots. They hadn’t damaged any property... plus Keith had gotten on the spinner, which had been hilarious given how much strength he could put into a spin. His boyfriend had gotten off with shaky legs, tripped, fell in the grass and burst out laughing. Lance knew he should stay quiet, but this was a golden chance

“Excuse me, have you been an officer here very long?”

The man met his eyes before pulling away from the park curb

“Long enough”

[ultraviolet-fox]

rant

don’t read if you’re sensitive to certain topics

this is something I’ve been through recently and I need to let it out. I saw Gabbie Hanna’s video today and it really sparked up some feelings about my personal life.

Recently ive been in a toxic friendship. It was good at first I’m not gonna lie but it quickly started to turn to shit. for the first 6 months it was fine but then he started to catch feelings for me. I had a boyfriend at the time so I couldn’t date him nor even felt anything for him so needless to say he got really upset over that. Sometimes he would just ignore me and never talk to me without even telling me what was wrong and I’d get so confused and I would get mad at him for not telling me anything. Like how could I fix anything without him telling me what was wrong? Every time this would happen I would always blame myself first before anything. (This happened a few times and I was in a really dark place so I would always make excuses for him.) I got so fed up one time and he told me it was because he liked me, that he ignored me because he couldn’t bear the thought of not having me. Of course I felt really bad and I tried to comfort him but he just, wasn’t there anymore? Like I said, I was really fucking depressed so I would do anything to make him feel better which led me to kiss him while I was still in a relationship. My biggest regret to this day. I told my boyfriend afterwards and we broke up obviously. Having just broken up with someone, I was so mentally fucked and I needed a friend with me so I had him. I would do anything to make him happy.

Though he’d always get so upset because he would always think about the fact that he could never have me instead of being appreciative over the friendship we did have. I always gave in and gave him what he wanted because I needed a friend and it seemed like he was the only one there for me. I always let him kiss me, fuck me, touch me, even when I didn’t want it. But I never wanted to stop it because I knew, I knew he would blame himself. And that was my weakness.

I want to please everyone as much as I could. And I did please him. But at the cost of my mental health.

I would always be the one to end it but eventually one hang out would lead to us making out and me feeling guilty about it after. But I couldn’t say no. How could I? After I said no, he’s always so depressed and I felt like I had to babysit him to make sure he felt okay.

He told me he loved me multiple times and honestly I believe it. The way he looks at me, talks to me, talks about me, I do believe he loves me—but no one should ever treat someone they love like this.

He would get jealous even over the little things. He would get upset over me hanging out with my girl friends, guy friends, hell—even my own boyfriend when I had one. He got so upset because apparently I was “having fun with them and I couldn’t with him.” He was so possessive over me, even though I wasn’t even dating him. That was a red flag but I proceeded to ignore it.

I eventually felt like I had to cut off all of my friends and only hang out with him to make him happy. Here’s another thing: I’m a really shitty texter, I prefer irl shit but he couldn’t get over that fact. He claimed I’m not a shitty texter and I just choose to be one. And you know what, I believed him. So I actually started putting effort into talking to him. I texted him so often because I knew that’s what he wanted. I’m that kind of person that never texts anyone for a week but always asks people to hang out but he couldn’t grasp on to that. He got so upset when I wouldn’t text him for a week, even though I’m not obliged to text him every single fucking day.

Not only that, whenever I would complain about anything about my life, he would be so unsympathetic. Actually—he would, but it would always end up being about him and his life problems rather than mine. It’s like he doesn’t even listen?? I remember I was complaining about my mom and how rude she is, and this fucked proceeds to say “that’s weird, your mom usually seems supportive of you” like ?????? Excuse me ?????????? I’m literally complaining about my mom and you say that, basically disregarding everything I’m saying ??????? But I brushed it off. Because that’s what I do. I’m so afraid to lose friends so I keep them around even if it meant sacrificing my mental health.

Here’s a deeper darker story, we were at school for a fundraiser and we saw each other and started talking. Of course I was still his friend because I was so naive at the idea that he was emotionally abusing me. I ended up confessing everything I’ve been feeling for the past month. My depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc. I told him all that. He was really sympathetic and asked if we could go to my house and so I said yeah we can. We started talking and I noticed him get a bit flustered. I ignored it because I thought he would have self control but I was wrong. He pulled me on his lap and tried to kiss me but I said no. He asked why not one more time? And I said, we always say one more time but there’s never one more time. He got really upset and he wouldn’t talk to me and I just wanted him to talk to me so I asked maybe we should cuddle? And it worked, he did feel better but at what cost? He eventually started touching me and I kept grabbing his hand and trying to stop him but he wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t say anything because I don’t know why? I could’ve said something—why didn’t I? He took off my clothes while he took off his and then started to have sex with me, I didn’t like it at all but I knew if I said no he would hate himself. I eventually got so fed up that I told him stop. I said stop. Multiple times. But he didn’t stop. But after that we sat down. He tried sitting down next to me but I didn’t let him get too close to me. He eventually left and I couldn’t get over what happened. In a way it felt like I asked for it. Because I was the one that asked him to cuddle, but I was the one that couldn’t say stop at first, because I was the one that couldn’t stop his hand from touching me. I was mad at him and confronted him about it but he apologized for it and for some reason I believed his intentions were good. But I never should’ve been his friend. I hate saying the word rape because it seems so weird that a friend would rape me. And it feels like I’m calling out for attention. But it was. Anyone can do this to you and it fucked me up. But I kept being his friend because I needed one.

After a month there was a time was when I led him on a bit. And I admit that. I led him on because that certain day was so perfect, I had to have attention. He asked me out and I said, wait for my answer because I love the mystery. And this was a time when it was going good for once. But A few days past and I’ve been thinking about it, thinking about the fights we’ve had and how incompatible we actually were and no matter how much I forced myself to thinking that I liked him, I didn’t. It was one of those where you know you’re gonna break up. And I couldn’t have that. I told him no and he got so upset/confused. He asked me to talk irl and we eventually did.

Fun fact: he never actually told me we were talking at my house so when our friend dropped me off at my house, he got out of the car with me and it sparked a curiousity in our friend. So not only, was there drama in our relationship, he had to make our drama THEIRS. but there’s more to that later :)

So there we were at my house. And he asked me all these questions saying why? Why would you do this. And I said sorry for leading you on but I mentally cannot get myself to date you. And he tried so hard to convince me rather than just accepting the answer no. He said “why not test the waters out? Why not just date me?” Like are you fucking serious? I repeatedly said no, and that was the first time I have EVER said no to him. He tried to kiss me but I rejected him and I told him, I’ve been “hoeing” around a lot, you don’t want to date a girl like me. And this fucker said to me “if you’re such a hoe why can’t I convince you to do it with me?” And I Just was in disbelief that he just fucking said that to me. I replied with excuse me? And he apologized and that was when I realized, I can’t date a guy who even remotely thinks that’s an okay thing to say to someone. I repeatedly told him no and then he started overthinking and got really upset and got his friend to pick him up. It was only until later, I realized he sent his friend a message “hey not to use you as an Uber or anything, but can you pick me up later? I’m about to do something really hard” SOOOOOO NOT ONLY DID HE SPARK IN INTEREST IN OUR FRIEND THAT DROPPED US OFF, HE TEXTED ANOTHER FRIEND THAT ONLY LEAVING UNANSWERED QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. he literally made what was our business, their business, his whole entire friend group was in on it now and that made me so fucking mad.

I eventually met up with the friend that dropped us off later that day and I told him everything that happened. He comforted me and told me he understands, and that he and all of his other friends are on my side rather than his which is such a relief to hear because there has been rumors about me and the other guy.

After that whole situation I was still his fucking friend for some reason. We hung out for one day and my mom suddenly decided to ground me so I couldn’t go out anymore. I was okay with staying home but I didn’t talk to anyone for a week.

This fucker proceeds to unfollow me on social media, and not only that, asks me to remove him from Snapchat. Call me an over dramatic person or whatever, but you don’t fucking ask someone that?? Like 1. It was so fucking uncalled for and 2. What kind of fucking person asks someone to remove them from Snapchat? And it just made me so mad because the amount of times he would get mad at me for removing him from my social media’s.

FYI: I have a spam account on Instagram and I post stuff about me drinking/smoking and he gets upset at me whenever I do it so I just remove him whenever I post about that

But anyways, I got so fed up and i realized all the shitty things he has ever done to me. I know he misses me but god I don’t miss him. He never appreciated our friendship one bit, he only wanted more. I broke up with my boyfriend to make him fucking happy. He manipulated, mentally and physically abused me. And now I am so drunk on the idea that no one is ever going to love me for who I really am. Because that relationship fucked me over so hard.