#i think its p clear where part one ends and part two begins lmao

[kolodros]

HAWKS COMEBACK! pt 1 and 2

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh IWA ROUTE

a/n: uwuwuwuwuwu my mans iwa chan :’)

IM A SIMP FOR IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

uwu filo!iwa in this :)

and also, listen to lauv while reading this since i wrote this and that song was playing on repeat O_O and also this song

this is my self-request uwu

HES SUCH A POUTY BABIE BLS LOVE ON HIM

onwards we goooo

hihihihihihi yey im so excited for this yall dont even know

ANYWAYS

so,,,,

when iwa first saw you, he thought you were just a cute little thing

your shorter height, your puffy cheeks, and the wide eyes you had whenever you saw someone, or him, do a really cool spiking move

he initially thought of you as a cute little sister hes never had

ehehe that finna change

then the,,,, bullying thing happened

if youd like to read this part, its right here

when he saw you bloodied, all battered,

dear lordie he was finna break some ankles

ONG I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT SANGWOO YET HERE I AM

like that image of you will probably stay in his memory until he dies of the ripe age of 200

ngl it kinda traumatized him a little bit of how tired and pained you look with the tears rolling down your face and the blood that was escaping your body through your wounds

god you didnt deserve any of that

you deserved the world and the universe yet some people dared to take away your worth

ooo he was so mad

miyo was,,,, hurt??

can i say that??

i dont wanna,,,, explain bara arms iwa hurting a girl so youre gonna have to imagine that for yourselves

but at the end when they said slap, he didnt just ✨S L A P ✨ her

he ✨ B R O K E   S O M E   A N K L E S ✨

oiks is actually scared of him after that

like oiks had to peel him off of her and towards the infirmary where you and the team were

‘IWAIZUMI HAJIME, STOP!’

oof the first and last time oikawa tooru ever said that full name

he was breathing heavy and he was so ✨ A N G R Y ✨ with what she did to you yet he hears your soft scoldings, telling him off for hurting a girl

he wanted to see you

like right now

iwa tore himself from oikawa’s grasp and ✨ N Y O O M E D ✨ himself to the nurse’s office

there, you sat on the bed with the others scattered either on other beds or on the floor 

you smiled at the sight of him and he walked towards you and engulfed you in his arms

‘youre okay now. im here’

he whispered and you buried your face into his chest, breathing in his unique scent

lavender mixed with peppermint

he refused to leave your side so he ✨ M A D E ✨ some room on the bed beside you to sit and he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close

you held his hand while oikawa talked to you and as you shamefully bowed your head

but you were forgiven and everything was all good until the third years really got into plan

makki and mattsun promised to handle it all as they had family in the justice field while oikawa would go and get the girl suspended

‘but what about me?! i want-’

‘iwaizumi, you literally hit her. it’d be best if you’re not involved right now as you were the only one who physically touched her in a harmful manner like that’

ong when it come to y/n, the meme team is replaced by the assassin team

he tried to fight but in the end, 3 overpowered 1 and he was forced to sit back and opted to comfort you instead

he made sure you were safe to walk home but that day, you were the one who asked him to spend time with him

just you two

like after seeing him seethingly enter back into the room, you reached out and held his hand in yours, eyes trained on your fingers fiddling with his

‘iwa-san,,,, you said you downloaded the new godzilla movie?’

you whispered but he could still hear you and his heart swelled at your meek voice

‘yea, i did. and my mom bought those chips you like’

your eyes flitted up to meet his eyes and a soft smile spread on your lips and there was this thumping in his heart

maybe that was the first time that iwaizumi hajime felt differently towards you

a smile that seemed to be differently perceived than the rest

and it wasnt for the whole team

it was for him

and him alone

the trek to his house was quiet but you would hum nursery rhymes or the songs you heard earlier in the radio while skipping every few steps and tightly holding on to his hand

iwaizumi’s olive eyes watched you still radiate energy despite being so hurt for a long time

they then trailed to your linked hands and he unintentionally squeezed it, only figuring out he did it when you looked up to him and squeezed it back with a smile

he wanted to do something to make you forget of what happened

he didnt want you to think about the cruelty and pain so he was going to make sure you would continue smiling 

thankfully, his parents werent home so he wouldnt have to explain why he has a bandage-covered girl with him 

iwa led you upstairs to where his room was and your eyes widened when you saw what was inside

tiny action figurines of animes like bakugo from boku no hero academia or a tiny pikachu on his desk

there was a large country flag that you didnt recognize and a few godzilla posters and volleyball players decorating beside it

however, besides those normal things you wouldve expected,

there were many polaroids

polaroid pictures that were everywhere with no specific layout pattern and just placed anywhere that had room

iwa watched as you dazedly walked forward and entered the room to move towards the wall by his desk that had the most pictures against it

from pictures of him and oikawa to the third years to him and his parents or just the sunrise and human silhouettes

your fingers reached forward and traced the picture of him and the third years when they were still first years and took a spontaneous trip to the beach

‘mattsun stole his dad’s car and drove us to the beach without a license’

iwaizumi’s voice answered your questions and you looked back, shimmering eyes

this room,,, wasnt just a normal, teenage boy’s room

this was a room that represented iwaizumi hajime

from his natural character description like his love for volleyball evident in the volleyball player posters to the underneath description that was hidden like his love for godzilla and his love of taking pictures of the people he cares about the most

it was all that made up iwaizumi hajime

your feet took you to stand in front of him, still standing at the doorway, and you stood on your toes to try and be eye-level with him

‘youre really cool, iwa-san’

you whispered and his ears turned red, not from the compliment, but by the close distance between you two

iwa clearedhis throat and ruffled your hair roughly, pushing you down slightly back to the balls of your feet

‘i already knew that, brat. now go and sit over there and be comfortable or whatever while i go get the food’

he hurriedly turned to hide his growing red face but you stopped him

‘iwa-san,,, ano,,, can,, i borrow a hoodie?’

you mumbled, nervously thinking he might refuse 

but he grunted a response, not bothering to turn around

‘take your pick’

you smiled and thanked him before bounding over to the wardrobe that was pushed against the wall across his bed that was against the corner by his window

inside had so many hoodies and there were also shirts that were hung up on the other half

they were all graphic tees that either had american bands or anime or game references

opting for a mint green hoodie that says ‘SONIC NYOOM’, you had an undershirt under your button up and as you slipped the bloodied long sleeve off, he swung the door open, eyes focused on the tray of coke filled glasses

then he looked up and almost dropped it at the sight of you,,, like that

‘OH MY GOD SORRY’

he shrieked and carefully but hurriedly backtracked back to the hallway

ofc you were shocked too but you quickly put the hoodie on and went to get him

iwaizumi’s heart was hammering in his chest and he was VERY red with embarrassment 

how could he see you like that?!

a girl who wasnt his shouldnt be seen like that by his eyes!

a touch on his arm reminded him of his position and he was still holding the tray but it was clear from the liquid in the cups that he was shaking slightly

‘iwa-san, its okay. i still had a shirt on so dont misunderstand’

you reasoned and he nodded, still not looking at you

the beginning of the movie was quite awkward as you both were sitting next to each other on the floor, backs against his mattress while the laptop played godzilla in front of yall

but it seems it was just him who was feeling this way bc you were intrigued at this weird monster that was squshing building under its foot and you continued munching on the food

iwa stood up and coughed

‘im going to take a shower’

you paused it and stared up at him, a chip halfway in your mouth

‘oh? you want me to wait for you?’

he agressively shook his head

‘no! its okay i watched it already. just,,,, watch it’

at the end, his words came out jumbled in his hurry to go and calm his heart down

you shrugged and unpaused the movie to continue watching

iwa spent his time in the shower, thinking and trying to think of stupid thoughts like the time oikawa almost choked on a peanut when they were in middle school to distract him of thoughts of how adorable you were

ONG HE WAS JUST SHOWERING AND INNOCENTLY DOING SHOWER THINGS

‘no, i said she was like a sister to me. and a sister she’ll remain’

okay ngl even though theyre not related, im worried yall would be like ‘iNcESt’ but bls a lot of people have tried to sibling-zoned people yet realized they liked them in THAT way

as he wrapped himself with a towel, he then realized

oh my god he didnt bring clothes

LMAO NOOOO IWAAAAA

iwa frantically looked around and he saw his mother’s sakura themed robe and he paused, arguing silently with him if he should wear it

well, it was either that or he went back into the room and showed you,,,,,, this

sucking in a sharp breath, he kept the towel around his waist and slipped his arms through the tight arm holes and he awkwardly tried to keep it tied since he was so much bigger than his tiny mom

what is happening

you saw the door opening and excitedly turned to tell him about this one scene when your voice died down in your throat at the sight of him 

here was iwaizumi hajime, ultra muscle buff man who gets abs with a simple glance of the gym, wearing an all too-tight pink, cherry blossom print robe that was so tight the tie around it was shaking to keep it together

‘dont’

he whispered and that snapped your remaining surprise to double over in laughter

‘its so cute! iwa-san, youre so cute!’

you shrieked and he growled and hurriedly went to to grab grey sweatpants and a shirt before running straight back to the bathroom

when he finally came back out, his face was still red and he was pouting as he sat next to you back to his seat

he could feel you staring at him while looking constipated as you held your laugh in and the second your eyes met, your giggles fell out

iwa rolled his eyes

‘yes yes let it out’

‘hehe, iwa-san, i didnt know you had that style’

‘it isnt! i didnt want to walk in here practically naked with you in the room!’

he growled and you nodded, still not quite believing it

‘hai hai. just say you like pink, i wont tell’

you waved and iwa felt offended

‘what do you mean ‘hai hai’?! its really not!’

your lips pursed to keep more giggles in and iwa growled again before lunging to grab your sides and tickling you 

of course being careful to not touch your wounds

you shrieked at the ticklish feeling and iwa laughed as you made weak attempts to push him off

‘huh? what was that? whatd you say? cant talk anymore, can ya?’

he teased

‘NO!!!! IWA-SAAAAN!!!!!’

you shouted in between your laughter and he finally let up when you squealed out your apologies and promised to never say it again

you breathed air into your lungs and sat back up to recollect yourselves 

iwa saw the strands that escaped your bun and they were scattered everywhere looking messy with your flushed cheeks and teary eyes

oh my god you were beautiful

he was so happy that you still kept that smile despite what happened and he was going to fight to keep it there

forever

it was about nearly the end when you finally realized how different iwaizumi’s hair looked

‘oi, iwa-san, your hair is not naturally spiky?’

he continued eating the chips while still watching the movie

‘what would you expect? even shittykawa’s hair is like this. did ya know that he wakes up extra early to curl it into that shitty mess?’

your jaw dropped

‘EEEHHHH???!!!!!!!’

later, you asked him how he does his hair for school and he blindly reached for the gel that was resting on his desk before tossing it to you

‘here’

you looked at it and flickered over to his hair and then you had the greatest realization

‘GODZILLA-SAMA!’

you pointed and he stopped eating, turning to give you a confused look

‘ha?’

you shrieked in an another round of laughter

‘IWA-SAN LIKES GODZILLA-SAMA SO MUCH HE DOES HIS HAIR AFTER HIM!!!!’

you doubled over to the floor, clutching your stomach and iwaizumi’s flustered expression made you laugh harder

he knew you were smart but,,, not this smart

you figured out his secret

the secret he’s hidden since he was practically a toddler

even his best friend, the guy hes known since he was born, never made the connection

yet here you are, figuring it out not even a year of knowing him

was this part of the many reasons he,, felt his heart beat for you?

oikawa was relieved that you had the bright twinkle in your eyes the next time he saw you and you were actively talking to iwaizumi in that early morning practice

‘oh? y/n-chan, is iwa-chan your best friend now?’

he tried not to sound jealous for his own best friend’s closeness to you and he added a teasing smile for extra measure

okay that hurted me a bit

iwaizumi snarled and blasted the volleyball towards his face before he could even yell or shout

‘iwa-san, dont do that’

you chided softly, small hands wrapping around his muscly arm

but iwa patted your head

‘deserving people deserve things to happen to them’

you rolled your eyes but smiled at him

‘hai hai’

the next week, iwa still kept a close eye on you in case someone else decided to mess with you 

but you told him that you swear youd tell him if someone did and he trusts you so he backed off a little

one day, he was eating lunch with the other third years in their classroom when you busted through the door, excitedly holding your phone

‘iwa-san! i figured out what country your flag was!’

he was halfway of shoving rice in his mouth when iwa looked at you

‘oh? you couldve just asked me though?’

you pouted and went to pull a chair from another desk to sit beside him

‘nooo. i wanted to work for that information. so you’re from the philippines, iwa-san?’

he nodded proudly

‘yep’

your eyes shone with interest

‘really?! you look japanese so it must be one of your parents. hey, iwa-san, which island are you from? i read about them and they have like 7641 islands-’

the others watched as you read through the article in your phone and iwa wasnt even following your words, instead staring at you with a dazed look and a lovesick smile

mattsun, makki, and oikawa exchanged looks of surprise because in all the years theyve known him especially oikawa, iwa was never interested in girls and such

he was a straight forward man with goals and straight sight to get them done with no distractions like relationships or love

yet here he was

slowly falling in love with you without even knowing he is

he continued to fall with the simplest things about you

from the perfume that you wore everyday to the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear when you were talking to someone

little quirks he used to miss was now being noticed even if you were right behind him and not in his line of vision

now, the boys were starting to see the difference of their precious ace

it was as if when he started to like you, they knew immediately by how he was acting

then one day during practice, you were late and they were all looking around for you and when they couldnt find you, they met back in the gym with nervous looks

iwa was already pacing around, a scary aura radiating off of him, and kindaichi, who went with him to look around the school, warned the others of iwaizumi’s worry

‘he was slamming doors open and he was walking so fast i had to run to even keep up with him’

then you busted through the gym door

you were actually picking up food for the team and sweets and you were held up when makki’s puffs were still being cooked

they rallied around you to make sure you werent hurt and you assured them but iwa pulled them away like picked them up and threw them off to the side and took you in his arms

iwa thought you were hurt and he was so worried something happened to you again

the hug was bone-crushing with how hard he was squeezing you but you felt his worry though and you freed your arms to wrap them around his neck

‘im okay, iwa-san’

you whispered in his ear and he nodded

‘let me hold you for a second’

he mumbled and you nodded

‘oi, theres food in the bags so make sure you eat it all. coach paid for it all so dont leave behind anything’

the mention of the food distracted them from you and iwa and they piled on top of each other to reach their food first

iwa was grateful that you distracted the others from seeing him being vulnerable towards you

‘i thought-’

‘shh,,, you have me right here, right now. safe and sound’

you knew how much seeing you all battered messed him up and his attempt of making you forget about it has been

and his worry of you being gone without no sign of where you went will forever be there and he will always have that thought in the back ofhis mind

the next time you came over, you actually met his parents

since you went home early before, you didnt catch his parents when they came home around 10 minutes after you left

but this time, they were already home with his mom cooking dinner while his father was sitting on the dining chair reading a newspaper

iwa walked through the door, shouting he was home, and you did the same thing to be customary

oof his parents were surprised

his mom turned around to share a look of surprise with her husband

sure they havent seen tooru in a while but they were pretty sure his voice wasnt that high pitched

right?

‘hajime, did you hit tooru so much you ruined his-’

then his mother stopped talking at the sight of you holding iwa’s hand tightly when yall stepped around the corner

you sheepishly smiled at them and bowed your head in greeting

oh my

so this was why iwaizumi hajime-san was really really really handsome

his parents were freaking good looking

like his mother was aphrodite with her flawless melanin skin and doe shaped eyes with a mole under her left eye

and his father was like ares, so handsome yet still manly and his appearance was a special type of good-looking with his buffness and ruffed appearance

‘iwa-san, i didnt know your parents were gods’

you mumbled, still staring at them

iwaizumi choked and coughed, flustered

‘oh my!’

his mother placed a hand over her mouth

‘hello’

his father stood up to walk in front of you and held his hand out

‘i’m hajime’s father’

you let go of hajime’s hand to shake his own with both of your hands

‘really nice to meet you! i’m l/n y/n! seijoh volleyball manager! first year!’

you introduced then stepped aside to fully bow 90 degrees

iwaizumi thought it was so cute of how flustered you were at meeting his parents

‘ay nako! nak, i didnt know you had such a beautiful girlfriend!’

she squealed and hurriedly went to stand in front of you and gently grasped your arms to stand you back straight and took a good look at you

‘youre so beautiful, iha. nice skin, pretty eyes, ang ganda!’

even with your research of tagalog, you didnt quite understand what she was saying

iwa noticed your slightly confused expression and he laughed, tucking his hands in his pockets

‘sorry, my nay speaks in taganese when she gets excited’

‘t-taganese?’

‘tagalog and japanese’

you nodded in understanding

it was time to put your basic reserach to test

‘hello po’

you greeted her and nervously took her hand and pressed the back of it to your forehead before slowly lowering it down and letting go

her wide eyes made you think you did something bad or even offensive!

‘i-i’

‘HAY NAKO, HAJIMEE~!’

she shrieked 

‘YUNG-!!! YUNG-!!!’

okay im terrified

iwa noticed his mother’s malfunction and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder and veered her back to her kitchen

‘sorry about her, l/n-chan. its just,,,, hajime hasnt brought home a girl before. and you doing that mustve done it in for her’

you worriedly watched hajime calm his mom down with a smile and talking to her hushed

in their perspective,,,

‘shes so nice, nak! marry her, okay? shes very pretty and she made an effort to please your nanay, so go and marry her!’

ohmylord im nervous

initially, iwa only wanted to go and hang out with you and watch a movie

not have a full dinner with his family

lmao i shouldve told you that youve been friends for months now

his mother cooked sinigang and adobo and more filipino dishes, adding even more when she saw you were joining them

the dining table was covered with a large plate full of food and you were so fascinated because this was a side of iwa that you wanted to know more about

‘wow!’

you said, not thinking, at the deep-fried fish that still had its eyeballs intact

iwa genuinely thought you would’ve shyed away from it in disgust but your eyes were glistening with genuine interest

‘iwa-san! youre so lucky you get to eat this stuff!’

you told him, looking over at his direction

while mrs iwaizumi was lading in the soup into the big bowl, mr iwaizumi was sitting at the dining table, watching your interaction and hajime telling you what each food was and your noises of surprise

he watched his son laugh when you said the palabok reminded you of the orange boy hinata 

and he also watched his son look at you so lovestruck and exactly like how he looks at his wife

soon, his mother finished and they rounded the table before saying a quick prayer to bless the food and digging in

‘so, what do you want to start with, iha?’

mrs iwaizumi asked and your wide eyes looked around

‘hm, im not sure. whats your favorite iwa-san?’

you looked to your right towards hajime who was busy eating and stopped before pointing his lips towards a direction

‘that one’

‘hah?’

you asked 

mrs iwaizumi laughed at her son’s actions

‘sorry, l/n-chan, my son has adapted my traits. he was pointing to this, adobo. do you want some?’

‘yes please’

the smell made your mouth water and you started to tuck in

maybe it was your managerial instincts, but you used your napkin to wipe hajime’s lips and he was also used to this and turned his head to make it easier for you then he went to grab the water jug and re-fill your glass

once it was done, you both silently went back to eating

his parents watched his exchange and it was like watching a married couple taking care of each other

‘so, l/n-chan, you said you were their manager’

mr iwaizumi started and you nodded, wiping your lips

‘yes. i have been for a while now and please, call me y/n’

‘hajime actually told us he had a new manager for his team and tooru told us too. but we didnt know you were a girl. its just so interesting for hajime to bring you home as he has never really had any female friends’

mrs iwaizumi’s comment made you chuckle and iwa’s eyes widened in embarassment

‘nay! of course ive had female friends! ive had friends from all genders!’

he reasoned but you teasingly smiled at him

‘ah, im not really surprised. iwa-san doesnt exactly have the appearance that girls are brave enough to approach’

he sent you a betrayed glance

‘hah?! what’s that supposed to mean?!’

you shrugged, going back to your food

‘im just saying that you always have this intense look in your eyes and youre always frowning. but its cute so its fine. and besides, i dont think theyve seen you laugh since you dont really smile a lot, iwa-san’

‘but you’ve seen me smile!’

‘eung. but its only to me. if they knew the stuff i knew like you being a godzilla fan or your collection of succelents, theyd see you like oikawa-san’

‘HAH?! YOU SEE ME LIKE SHITTYKAWA?!’

mrs iwaizumi held her husband’s hand on the table as they watched you both bicker and tease each other with a smile

hajime has always been on the rougher side of things and he doesnt really have many close friends other than the team and even then, tooru is the only one he can really be himself around

yet here you are, bringing out the boy hajime really is and making him laugh, a sound his parents dont really hear outside the house

and your eyes

god, your eyes held admiration, life,,,, and you might not know this yet,, but love

her eyes trailed her son who teasingly headbutted you and you faking a surprise and doing the same

then you heard his father’s cough which brought you back to where you were and the situation and the people that were there

you felt embarrassment creeping up inside you and you bowed

‘im sorry for acting like that, iwaizumi-san. i-’

‘no, dont apologize, darling. please, dont’

her soft smile made the nerves in you ease and hajime’s father winked at him and he knew exactly what his father was trying to say

after dinner, you volunteered to wash the plates but they veered you away from there and towards the living room 

‘oh my god, pops! stop her!’

hajime whined because he knows what his mother was going to do

she was going to show him his baby pictures

you sat on the beige couch and watched as she reached under the coffee table and revealed a few albums that had iwaizumi hajime written on the cover

‘now, y/n-chan, hajime wasnt always this pouty. in fact, he used to always have a smile on his face and laughed at the littlest things! like right here! a leaf fell on him and he-’

stories of his childhood was exchanged throughout the night and you were laughing so hard that tears were falling out of your eyes while hajime wrapped your shoulders with his arm and he would squeeze you tightly whenever you made fun of him

‘oh dear! iwa-san! you-!’

you didnt finished as you continued to laugh and he sighed

‘nay, can we go eat dessert now?’

he asked his mother and she was beginning to feel sorry for him so she smiled and nodded

‘okay. hajime, come help me’

‘iwaizumi-san, i can-’

‘no, y/n-chan. dont you worry your pretty little head about anything and just look through more of these pictures’

hajime followed his mother to their kitchen before she stopped and turned around

his mother’s height was around 5′1 so she had to look up to meet his eyes and her hands were clasped around his biceps

she is definitely beautiful and he cursed at how little he got from his mother other than her skin color

mrs iwaizumi married her husband and immigrated to japan to have a family and your polite action from earlier moved her as she hasnt experienced that in nearly 2 decades

‘nay, shes,,,, just a friend’

he reasoned, a wobbly smile to cover up his want for that title to change

yet mothers def knows best and saw right through it

she gave him a firm look with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips

‘nak, dont lie to yourself. i raised you to never tell a lie and lying to yourself is considered lying to someone. she’s not your KAibigan, shes your kaIBIGan’

now, hajime knew a little bit of tagalog as his mother made sure he was able to at least speak to his relatives back home

so he got a hint of what she was saying yet was confused 

then he realized it

his blush creeped up his neck and he chuckled, ducking his head low to avoid his mother’s eyes

‘nak, listen to me. papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako. youre still growing and you may be confused right now, but make sure to think wisely and dont live with regrets. nanay doesnt want you to go through it all by yourself since she knows how hard it was. so please, listen to me and pursue her. shes special, hajime. she makes you so, so happy. i see it in your eyes, her eyes, god has fated you together. i feel it’

now if a filipino mother actually tells their son to go after a girl, thats a pretty big thing as its known that mothers are the hardest to convince and are fiercely protective of their sons, especially if its an only son, but mrs iwaizumi literally tells hajime to go court you because she sees how happy you make him and is willing to let hajime go to you 

definitely his mother’s words stuck to him and as he walked you home, he was busy thinking that he was quiet and you were worried as he would be talking right now

‘iwa-san? you okay?’

you asked and he blinked, taken back to reality from his daydream

‘hm, yea’

he answered to look at you

hes been pining for months now and he slipped his hand into yours, holding it tightly

uwu if you want to see iwa moments with y/n, read through the seijoh manager series as theres a lot of them in there

he wanted you yet, he knew it would be selfish of him to keep you in the future

he would be a college student while you’re in your 2nd year

would you want to be so far away from him?

could you handle it?

‘yanno, iwa-san, your dad told me something interesting’

you suddenly said, squeezing his hand and kicking rocks while looking up at the night sky

‘what was it? something embarrassing?’

he immediately feared that they told you that story when he was still potty training and he fell straight into the toilet 

‘hmm,,, no. he told me that he met your nanay when she was a high school student and he was a in an intern at your lolo’s company’

iwa listened and he had a smile at how you said the tagalog word for grandfather

‘he said she almost ran him over by her bike and she fled but they met again when she visited your lolo. through that, they became friends and then she confessed to him. apparently, he declined because she was younger than him, although just 3 years, and he was leaving for his own country in a few months so he didnt know if she would wait for him’

were,,,, you reading his mind?

iwa knew of his parents story yet with you telling it, it sounded a million times more interesting

‘yet she promised him. thats it, just a promise. that she would remain faithful to him, she would keep herself for him and when she finally graduates, she would go and find him and they could be happy together. he said it was the longest 3 years of his life yet when he saw in the airport, he felt like the wait was worth it. because he gets to hold the embodiment of happiness in his arms for the rest of his life’

you finished and he hummed

‘times have changed, y/n’

‘even you?’

you stopped walking and he naturally stopped too

‘would you wait for me like he did if i promised myself to you? if i promised you that despite the few years of waiting, i would still be yours and remain yours until we’re ready to be together?’

WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!

iwa’s heart was drumming in his chest and he wanted so desparately to look at you in the eyes but you were making that impossible as your head was bowed and your eyes were fixed on the concrete you both stood on

‘of course, i would’

your head snapped up and e/c clashed with olive eyes 

‘i would wait for you. we may,,, be young right now. and they might think we’re,,, being impulsive. but i dont care. because right now, all that matters, is you and me. we can think about the consequences later, but right now, i just want to kiss you’

he admitted, red ears seen by the moonlight

your body shook

‘do it, no balls’

well,,,, he has the balls

and under the moon, at 8:34 pm, iwaizumi hajime kissed you

OML THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT SEIJOH SHORT WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO OIKAWA AND HIS NEIGHBORS ARE LIKE ‘AH SHITE HERE WE GO AGAIN’

it didnt come as a surprise to the team when yall announced your relationship

well,, you both actually didnt tell them outright until like weeks later

what can you say?

you and iwa are very private people and you dont really like to show off in public

even though yall lit rally are stuck to the hip and he does things that he doesnt even think hes doing but he is totally doing

you were only caught by,,, guess who

mrs iwaizumi

it was weeks when she met up with mrs oikawa bc theyre totally best friends and thats why their sons are best friends

she told her of her son’s girlfriend and how sweet you were and how mrs oikawa should be jealous that her son doesnt have a girlfriend like that and the standards for oikawa’s future girlfriend was raised just by that teasing

oikawa literally came into after school practice after a phone call with his mother, fuming

you were talking to kindaichi and yahaba with iwa beside you, arm around your waist totally not obvious guys

and yall just saw an angry oikawa stomping towards yall

‘y/n-chan, iwa-chan, why the hell did my mom just call me and tell me that im not allowed to bring home a girl if she doesnt have h/c with s/c (skin color) and e/c and h/m (height measurement)?’

you shrugged

‘oikawa-san, i’ve never even met your mom before’

but iwa had a hunch

‘ahh,,,, my mom mustve been bragging to your mom. yanno how they are’

oikawa shot him a disbelieving look

‘IWA-CHAN! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND I DONT! BUT ITS WORSE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS AFFECTING MY FUTURE ONE!’

he ranted, completely unaware that he just outed your entire relationship to the team

tbh they werent even surprised

like they were all ‘damn now shes taken. but cant say i didnt see that coming’

they took it pretty well too

they know how iwa is and they literally respect this mans and if anything, out of the whole team, he is the best candidate for your boyfriend

dating iwa is totally normal and yall just have increased touches?? like i dont know how to explain like he’s constantly holding your hand or arm around your waist or shoulder etc

literally nothing changed

you still have dinners at his house and iwa also knows your family and all that

and the most important thing is,

he kept that promise

even when he was literally at the other side of the world,

he still remained yours and you kept your own promise and waited patiently for his return

OOOOO TIMESKIP IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

a little girl with bouncing dark brown hair was giggling as she maneuvered herself around the tall people

a shout from her parents and little sister was only making her run faster until she crashed into the legs of the person she’s been looking for

his blue jersey was similar to hers and she raised her arms up with a bright smile

‘uncle!’

she yelled and he chuckled before hoisting her up to his arms

‘ah, reyna-chan, didnt mom and dad tell you to wait for them? look! tala-chan is crying because you left her’

she followed his finger to her little sister, who was in her father’s arms, crying and reaching out for her

‘nee-chan!’

she screeched

finally, her parents were there and you were scolding her for running off

‘reyna, just dont do that again’

you said and she nodded, pouting and holding her uncle’s thumb

‘thank you, tooru-san. i dont know what i would do if she got lost’

oikawa grinned then gently patted the hat-covered head of the newborn baby girl that was strapped to your chest

‘hehe, its okay, y/n-chan. after all! uncle is always there to save reyna-chan!’

she shrieked when he held her up and hajime shook his head in his antics

‘where’s the others? i saw them in the stands but-’

he was cut off when he heard the shouts and yells from the other side that could only belong to your boys

‘woooo!!!!’

kindaichi’s voice echoed through the place and mattsuhana were rushing to greet their goddaughters

tala shyly accepted the arms of mattsun while makki was squealing quietly when darna was holding his finger tightly as she slept

‘taka-san, wanna hold her? she’s easier to hold when she’s sleeping’

‘oh can i?’

his eyes held the stars as the 11-month-old raised her fist then lowered it back down, sleep still heavy on her

‘waaa~ darna-chan is growing really quickly’

kunimi whispered, peering over his senpai to look at the baby whos eyes kept fluttering

you chuckled while looking at oikawa and him playfully bouncing reyna

‘tooru-san, congratulations on your win. it seems you’ve beaten hajime this time’

you complimented and the brunette smiled brightly at you, adjusting the little girls in his arms

‘ei, y/n-chan, i’ll beat him next time, and next time and the next time!’

every time he said ‘next’ he gave his goddaughter a kiss on her cheek making her giggle

your husband was pouting at the reminder of japan’s loss and you reached over to wrap your arms around him causing hajime to turn his head away from you

‘aww, my 4th baby is sad now’

you cooed and cupped his face delicately on your hands making him sulk and whine

the others, watching the scene, continue to be surprised at this side of their captain that remains to only be caused by you

‘ugh, nearly a decade later and theyre still sappy’

yahaba gagged and watari slapped his back

‘let them be happy’

‘come on! im in the mood for spaghetti! you like spaghetti, tala-chan?’

‘eung!’

mattsun cheered with kindaichi and she raised her hands to share the same energy

once everyone was situated in a restaurant and ordered, small talks were shared around the table of the past

‘haha, spaghetti is how your baba found out about you, tala-chan’

yahaba’s comment made the walking group laugh at the memory of seeing the video you sent in the seijoh group chat

‘i wanted to be creative with my second child since my firstborn was revealed by this loudmouth’

oikawa winced at the indirect diss at him

‘y/n-chan! i was really excited to find out i was going to be an uncle!’

‘youre already an uncle, bakakawa!’

hajime has toned down the insults to keep it pg for the children

‘but-!’

they started to argue, the oldest daughter looking disinterested as she sees this happening or hearing it whenever her dad and uncle video chat

‘it took me forever to find a ‘prego’ pasta sauce in the grocery store like i dont know why. was there a shortage?’

you complained, remembering the frustration

your fellow first years snickered at you and kindaichi prodded fun at you

‘is that why you just outright told him you were pregnant the day you found out?’

you rolled your eyes and watched makki and mattsun and tala watch the youngest as she wiggled her fists in the air and was awake enough to babble ‘makki’ over and over again

that was her first word and although she is now able to say a few words, she still repeats her first word over and over again

‘we had a fight and it just came out so of course i didnt have time to prepare!’

you defended and hajime finished his antics with oikawa just as you said that

‘what-what was your words again? ‘i really want to push you off the roof right now but i want my baby to meet their bastard father first?’‘

you gasped at that regretful statement and punched him in the arm

‘hajime! stop!’

you whined and covered your face with the sleeves of your his hoodie

‘hehe, y/n, you should do that again’

kyotani teased and you glared at him

‘shut up kyotani’

eyebrows were raised

‘eh? are you more hormonal?’

‘do you realize you already have 3 daughters?’

‘iwaizumi-san really wants to have a volleyball team family’

‘at least wait a year and a half, you animals’

‘so,, like hes that good huh?’

hajime growled and leaned over to intimidate but you snarled and jumped on your feet, being held back by the arms by kindaichi and hajime to stop yourself from leaping across the table to kill yahaba

‘keep talking like shite and i’ll make sure none of you become the godfather of this baby’

okay what

one, did you just curse

and two, this baby?!

‘im big sister again?!’

reyna ruined the surprised silence and then chaos ensued

‘WHAT!’

‘BABY?!’

‘THIS BABY?!’

you just realized what you said and smirked at the chaos you created and sat back down, leaning on the back of the chair and smugly taking a sip of your water

‘oh the power i hold in my hands’

you teased and oikawa pointed at you

‘when! how long!’

you looked at hajime who was so shocked that his eyes glazed over and a passerby wouldve thought he was dead

‘apparently 3 months’

oikawa started counting and his eyes widened at that thought

‘you-! you stayed in argentina! in my house! my house-!’

‘yep. both of them created under your house’

what 

!!!!!

hajime fainted 

oikawa screamed

a/n: okay i admit i got a little too carried away with this one. i just love filo!iwa and this was mostly written in his pov bc cmon we all know we love iwa and fell in love w him the moment we saw him

[heyhihellowhatsup0]

Tangled Webs - Chapter Seven (Dark! Peter Parker x Reader)

Dark Webs Masterlist | Tangled Webs Masterlist

Warnings:   Angst, language, Topics of death and depression, PTSD, more angst, violence, a bit more fluff and smut than the last series (but not in this chapter)? Somewhat ignoring the MCU timeline due to mature content

Word Count: 4825

Summary: After doing your best to walk on eggshells around Peter, you finally reach the boiling point as you and him face (most) of your drama head on…

A/N: It’s been a hot minute but I’m back with an update. Hope ya’ll didn’t forget about this series like I did lmao. I hope you like this chapter and give me some sweet words because I missed it so much! DM me to be tagged and I hope you guys like it!! Please like and share if you can! (Also I found this .gif on google, so if you made it, or know who did, let me know and I will credit!) Thank you xx -N

You barely slept the last few days as you trapped yourself in your apartment in Stark Tower since the incident. You were sick, with no possible form of treatment and to boot, you almost were found out by Peter about what you were doing. Two things you weren’t sure how to deal with just yet. But you knew one thing for sure, you couldn’t take much more of these secrets.

    Not being able to see Peter or talk to him was killing you. And with you and him broken up, it only made it harder. You were always independent, especially when Peter and you stopped being friends. You made your own money, solved your own problems, you even saved Peter a handful of times. So it wasn’t so much that you were one of those girls who needed Peter to constantly save you; but you were a team. And everything you did together made the both of you even stronger. That was one of the reasons why Peter and you worked so well.

    But with Peter gone, and you struggling with your own issues; you could feel yourself getting weaker and weaker. The lethal combination with Octavious and your disorder mixed along with probably the worst of it all; you were missing Peter and heartbroken over him being gone. And the worst part was that you didn’t even blame him for pulling away. You definitely deserved it after hiding everything from him. You just wished that even if you did tell him the truth, that it would be enough.

    But how could it be enough?

    Pushing yourself out of bed, you used whatever strength you could muster up so early in the morning. You needed to conserve that and your energy for when Octavious called on you these days, which would only make you even weaker in the process. You would laugh at the irony, but you were too tired to.

    You didn’t want to think about your death but given recent events; it popped up in your mind pretty frequently these days. You didn’t want to think so morbidly and always tried to remain positive but how could you not when your body was literally at war and the venom that saved your life was also potentially killing you? Death was inevitable for you now, and you were looking at it right in its eye.

    Of course, Peter was always one of your first concerns. You saw how when you started spiraling out of control affected him; how upset he would be, or how Peter would blame himself for his actions. It killed you to think what he would say or do when you weren’t there to keep him grounded and remind him that there was nothing he could have done. That it wasn’t his fault and he shouldn’t blame or punish himself; and that finding somebody responsible was a waste of time.

    You wanted to tell Peter to prepare him, to get the grieving out of the way if he could and enjoy whatever time you had left with Peter. But now, you weren’t even sure if you and Peter were going to make amends, and that scared you more. Would he even care about your health now? As much as you wanted him to, you knew Peter should focus on himself anyway. So you couldn’t help but think that maybe if he didn’t know, it would be best for everyone.

    Snapping yourself out of your dark thoughts for a moment, you heard your coffeemaker go off. Grabbing your mug and bringing it to your lips, you stopped as you felt something run through your body as you stared at the front door. Somebody was coming to the door. Morgan had school and no way was Agent Kent knocking on your door after you made him look like an idiot in front of half of S.H.I.E.L.D.

    You hurried to the door, hearing the door handle begin to jiggle and opened it. Your eyes widened as you looked at Peter standing in the doorway wearing a navy blue hoodie and jeans. His soft brown curls tousled and all over the place as his tired and now bloodshot eyes were staring back you bewilderedly.

    “Hi,” you spoke out in a tired voice. Clearing your throat as you opened the door. The first time you actually saw Peter. The last time you saw him was at the ATM, unbeknownst to Peter that you were the one who knocked him into the window, leaving him to explain that to S.H.I.E.LD and Kent how he still hadn’t caught you. Again.

    “I...uh...how did you know I was here? I didn’t knock?” Peter questioned as he looked at you. He knew exactly how long it had been since he saw you last. Nine days and eleven hours, Peter was counting his days a lot lately. It had been nine days and eleven hours, but it felt like it had been years dragged out of him. And now, he didn’t know what to say.

    You looked different to him for some reason, and he couldn’t figure out why. He used to love seeing you in the morning with a fresh face as you made coffee wearing one of his old school hoodies. But this morning, you looked like a different person to him. Tired, pale, almost like you were getting sick.

    Letting Peter in, you cleared your throat again, “I heard footsteps,” you answered to try and tip toe around the subject. You looked at the coffee on the counter as you ran your fingers nervously through your hair, “Coffee?” you offered him, not sure what to say to him. You never thought you’d see the day where you and Peter had nothing to say to one another.

    Peter shook his head, “No, thank you. I just came to pick up some things,” he admitted, pressing his lips into a line as he showed you the duffel bag in his hand. Was he really about to pack his belongings and move out? Granted, it was just a few floors up; but how long was he planning on staying up there? Another week? A month? Forever? He didn’t like any of those options at all. But he knew he had to do it for now to protect you and most importantly; to protect you from finding out that Peter started drinking again. He knew if you found out, it would only trigger you more. And it was just the two times, he was hoping he could get himself to a meeting before anybody else found out.

    He headed into the bedroom towards the closet, placing his bag on the chair nearby and unzipping it. He wasn’t really even looking at what he was taking, just grabbing whatever he could and began stuffing it into his bag. It felt like he was almost saying goodbye, and it wasn’t what he wanted to do at all.

    Peter had been dreading coming here for days but he needed fresh clothes and truth be told, he wanted to check in on you. He had missed you these last few days and you always calmed him down no matter what you were going through. But he was worried about you too. And as much as he wanted to be there for you while you dealt with your demons, he also knew his demons were at bay and he couldn’t be around so much chaos right now. For his own sake.

    “So...” you started to say a bit awkwardly, leaning up against the door frame as you stared downward towards the ends of your hair, “I think I may have a name for the guy you put away from the ATM. I was going to try and research a bit today,” you offered him what little intel you had. Especially since you couldn’t say much without mentioning Dr. Octavious, that would only connect Quentin Beck to you and you knew Peter would get killed if he knew too much.

    Licking his lips as he jammed some sweatshirts into his bag, Peter nodded slowly, “Just be careful, okay?” he finally said as he kept his eyes on his bags, almost as if he was afraid to look at you otherwise he didn’t know what he would do. If he did, he’d probably stay longer, “Can’t trust many people right now,” he said a bit lower.

    Yeah, like me, you thought to yourself, swallowing thickly. All you could do was nod your head as you tucked your hair behind your hair nervously. You couldn’t do this anymore. The hiding and lying. You were building so much inside of you and it was only making you feel worse, mentally and physically. You couldn’t afford to lose Peter, not now.

    Moving a bit closer to him, you placed your hand on his shoulder to get his attention, “P-Peter, I-I have to tell you something,” you stammered, feeling your voice grow weaker as you felt the lump grow swollen in your throat. You were terrified of this moment, and you were more afraid because Octavious was listening in, as always. And if he was, then you didn’t have much time at all to tell him.

    Peter’s brow furrowed as he turned his head to face you. He saw the distraught expression on your face and knew something was wrong. He knew you were hiding something from him and it was literally tearing the both of you apart, “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked you as calmly and rationally as he could.

    You sucked in a sharp breath as tears began to prick your eyes. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt like your legs were about to collapse at any moment. Your bottom lip quivered the more you stared into Peter’s big eyes, trying to find your voice in the silence that was deafening between you both.

    “I really fucked up. I…” you trailed off as you began to cry, the tears streaming down your cheeks more now, “I was so stupid and now it’s worse. So much worse, Peter,” you told him through your sobs.

    “What? What’s worse, Y/N?” Peter asked as he raised his eyebrow. He was afraid of what you were hiding, but he hated the fact that you were hiding it more than anything. Whatever it was, it was big enough for you to decide that it would freak Peter out; and that bothered him the most. That you thought he couldn’t handle whatever it was you were going through.

    You sniffled as you stared down at the floor, unable to even look at Peter right now as you tried to relax your breath, “Last summer...when I…” you could barely get a word out between your sobs, “At the game,” you finally got out.

    “The game?” Peter questioned, his eyebrow quirking up as you looked at you suspiciously, “The Yankee game? With the elemental?” he asked for clarification.

    Shaking your head frantically, you grabbed Peter’s arms to pull him closer, “That’s just it, Peter. It wasn’t an elemental! Don’t you find it strange you didn’t find anything that night? You came home empty handed,” you explained, your voice becoming more and more hysterical.

    “Y/N, what are you saying?” Peter asked again, trying to figure out what it was you were trying to tell him. You had so many secrets these days, Peter knew that. And he couldn’t tell if this was a secret, or was it a bender? “Do you know what was responsible for it?” he tried again, trying his best to keep his tone level. He hated seeing you so upset and he didn’t want to make you any more upset than you clearly already were.

    You nodded your head, “Okay, I know I sound absolutely crazy right now but I-”

    You felt a pull on your throat, making you gasp. It felt as if your breath was taken away, like somebody just punched you right in your windpipe, preventing you from speaking. Wheezing out your breath, you saw Peter’s face waiting for you to answer. But you couldn’t utter a word.

    Octavious, you thought to yourself.

    He was listening in now, and controlling you. Preventing you from telling Peter the truth about what was wrong with you. Octavious wanted Peter dead and risking this conversation was enough, but you really needed to tell Peter what was going on. In hopes that maybe it wasn’t too late, for you or him; and some of these horrific events could be prevented.

    And once again, you were frozen now. Blocked from telling Peter the truth and unable to help him find Octavious and get to him before he got to Peter. Or before you got to Peter. You were capable of so much these days, it frightened you to no end. And without Peter helping you control it, you were damned.

    “What do you know?” Peter asked again, getting a little bit closer. He tried taking a whiff of your breath, but he couldn’t smell anything. His senses weren’t triggered, but he knew what a bender looked like. He’d hit bottom before. Granted his bottom looked a lot worse, he could still sense it from a mile away.

    You tried to open your mouth but nothing came out. Tell him about the venom, you shouted at yourself. Tell him about Octavious, and the robberies. Tell him it was killing you and destroying you from the inside out. Tell Peter you needed his help.

    With tears streaming down your cheeks, you shook your head at him as you tried to speak; but nothing came out once more. You hated this. You were so close to being free just to be silenced once again. You didn’t know how much more of this you could take. It was becoming more and more obvious how much you needed Peter’s help, and he couldn’t give you anything if you were being controlled by Ock.

    “I will have you rip out his throat if you so much as whimper in his direction right now, Y/N,” Octavious’ voice threatened you inside of your head, and you felt your stomach beginning to churn once more. You always tried to fight back, but in this moment, you were truly terrified of something happening to Peter. So you didn’t.

    Looking down at the floor, you focused on Peter’s sneakers as you shook your head at him. Biting your lip to restrain yourself from saying anything further so Peter wouldn’t get hurt. You could tell he was disappointed in you, and you couldn’t blame him for it.

    Peter sighed, running a hand over his face as he licked his lips, “Y/N, I know you’re going through a bad time right now. I’ve been there, and it kills me seeing you going down this path that I never wanted you to go down,” he had to stop himself for a minute, saying it out loud to you hurt him even more. He hated that this was the reality of your relationship, “I am so worried about you, I am. And you know I want to be there for you, and I’m trying to be. But you have to tell me what you need first,” his voice became rugged and raspy the longer he spoke, knowing he couldn’t say much else at that point.

    He leaned forward, bringing his lips to the top of your head before he reached down and grabbed his bag on the floor. Taking a few steps towards the door before he looked at you one last time standing in the doorway, still staring down at the floor holding back your tears. And Peter was trying to do the same.

    “I’ll be training all day and then I’m crashing with Kent if you need me for anything,” he finally told you, seeing you nod your head slightly before he turned and walked out of the front door.

    The door shut behind Peter, and you collapsed to the floor. Sobbing to yourself as you grabbed a hold of the necklace Peter had given you, clutching onto the spiderweb pendant for dear life. You always told Peter everything. And now you didn’t even know who this person was anymore.

    “We’re striking big tonight, Y/N,” Octavious’ voice ran through your mind as you tightened your grip on your necklace, “Rest up for it…”

--------

    No matter what Peter did, he couldn’t shake the look you had on your face as he geared himself for his night. The look of pure terror on your face replayed over and over again in his mind as he got his suit on. His speech still fresh on his tongue while he pulled his mask over his head; wishing maybe he hadn’t been so harsh. The sound of your cries he overhead from the other side of the door when he left repeated while Peter initiated KAREN. He wished he hadn’t heard it, it nearly made him crumble, but he did.

    Peter was in no condition to go out tonight. He had a lot on his mind with you, and the robberies, and how so many people were depending on him and he couldn’t deliver what they needed. And with the pressure coming from Agent Kent, Peter was really beginning to feel all the weight on his shoulders. And it was taking everything in him not to take another drink.

    “I’ve got a good feeling we’ll get her tonight,” Kent said enthusiastically as he entered the room. He took a seat behind a computer chair as he gave Peter an all knowing smile, “She seems to be favoring the downtown area, and so far the museums are the only places she hasn’t hit yet. The Air and Space Museum is the only one that would have tech she may be after.”

    “What makes you think she’s after tech? So far she’s only stolen money from bodegas or ATMs,” Peter gave Kent a puzzled face, did he know something that Peter didn’t? And if so, why wasn’t Kent giving him this information that was important?

    Kent shrugged his shoulders as he adjusted his glasses on his face while focusing on the computer screen, “They’re always after more than just money, Peter. You of all people should know that,” he reminded Peter as he continued to pull some maps up on the screen.

    “If you say so,” Peter said as he adjusted his web mode, making sure everything was working properly. You were usually the one who made sure his suit was updated, fixing Dark Web mode, and even making sure KAREN was properly synched up. There was always something calming about having you by his side before he went out as Spider-Man; even if it was just a basic patrol. You always calmed him down and made him feel like he was doing the right thing. Now, he was beginning to doubt all of that lately.

    Peter’s eyes flickered to the counter top, focusing in on the bottle of Jack Daniels that was left behind from the other night. When he was planning on dumping the remaining liquid down the drain this morning before he went to see you. But now, he wasn’t so sure. He needed something to numb the pain, at least for the moment.

    Without Kent noticing, Peter took a few swigs of the whiskey as he felt the warmth slide down his throat. It felt so wrong, and he knew it. And now, he felt absolutely disgusted with himself. Months of hard work and strength just flushed down the drain for a few sips to only make him feel more miserable for it. And now he had to find this robber half sober, half buzzed.

    Peter went over to the window, staring down at all of the city lights as the lump in his throat grew bigger. The city suddenly looked smaller to him, as his eyes grew bigger through the mask. Your face coming back to his mind as he tried to shake it off once more, but he was beginning to find it nearly impossible.

    “Don’t be afraid to use your advanced modes on her, Pete,” Kent said from the computer before he swung away, “That’s why you have them, to get rid of people like her,” he narrowed his eyes on Peter knowingly.

    So, Kent wanted Peter to kill this masked woman, essentially. Although Peter wasn’t exactly new to that idea, he had his history of killing and it got him here. He knew there were other ways to get justice, even if it took longer. But Kent was messing with his mind, and he was beginning to think he may not have any other option.

    Nodding his head, Peter aimed his web shooter for the nearby lamppost down below as he swung out of Stark Tower. The moment he left, he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved to get out of there. Even if it was to keep vigil.

    Peter swung his way in no time to the museum. Everything seemed quiet in the city streets, making him feel a bit more at ease. He scanned the entrance, noticing no security to be found; which was oddly peculiar for a museum. Lights were on throughout the exhibits, and as Peter glanced up towards the camera, he noticed they were destroyed.

    “Someone is here,” Peter said into his microphone, knowing Kent was listening in. He moved in towards the nearby exhibit for space missile technology, “Karen, activate Dark Web mode,” he whispered slowly as he felt the black webbing beginning to coat his suit before he went into the illuminated room to investigate. It was a little dramatic to go dark to see, but based on how strong this new rival was, Peter wasn’t about to take any chances with them.

    Peter tiptoed his way towards the doorway, knowing he was invisible, but he still needed to proceed with caution. He peered into the doorway, frozen in the moment as he watched meticulously. Unbeknownst to his new friend that he was watching her every move. Making sure this time he would be ready to take her down.

    The alcohol was swirling around Peter’s brain as he continued to concentrate. He hadn’t drank in so long, those few swigs that he had already affected him.

    “Don’t overthink this, Peter,” Kent’s voice came through, “Remember what I told you, don’t be afraid to fully attack with this one.”

    Peter had no idea why Agent Kent was so adamant about him being so cut throat. He knew the rules, and if Peter had to get more aggressive, he would. But right now, there was no reason to go the extreme. Especially since he knew how he felt towards getting his hand bloody. It led him down dark paths that he knew he didn’t want to go down again.

    Feeling a bit dizzy, Peter pulled himself together as he took a few more steps forward. Watching her try and disconnect what seemed to be a missile on display from the exhibit area. What the hell was she trying to do with a missile, Peter thought to himself.

    He got his web shooter ready, prepared to stun her for a moment with his taser web. Before he could aim in her direction, he felt a force punch him directly in his chest. His back hitting the wall with a thud as he whimpered. Opening his eyes as he saw her turning her head back to the missile, moving her hands even faster.

    How did she even know he was there? There was no way she would have been able to even hear him unless…

    ...Unless if she had a spider sense too.

    “Alright, that does it,” Peter huffed out as he picked himself up. He kept the Dark Web mode on as he whipped around so he was directly behind her, “I’ve just about had it with you and I’m done being nice about it,” he announced as he kicked the inside of her knee, buckling her to the ground.

    Grabbing her by the arm, he heard her yelp as he twisted it a bit, “Deactivate Dark Web mode and turn off all communication,” he told Karen as he picked her up and shoved her against the wall as his suit came into vision once again. He didn’t need Kent in his ear right now. Not when he was this close to bringing her in and being done with this bullshit.

    With her chest against the wall, he swiveled around. Looking into her eyes through her black mask as he raised her arm over her head. She had no weapons. And her eyes looked almost terrified. Her breathing was heavy as she kept her eyes on Peter warily.

    “Who do you work for?” he tried to ask, leaning forward. His body pushed flush against hers as he had her literally backed into a corner with nowhere to go. His hand began to slide around her neck, squeezing in a little bit to threaten her in order to start talking, “You better start talking otherwise I will not hesitate right now,” he threatened through his teeth.

    Peter squeezed a little more, hearing her groan as he waited for her to answer. He blinked as something bright glimmered along her neck, getting his attention. Adjusting his eyes, he glanced down at the necklace and squinted at her collar. The pendant staring back at him as his eyes rapidly fluttered back to her intense masked eyes; feeling his stomach drop.

    “No,” Peter said in a low voice as he grabbed the pendant, “Y/N?” he asked.

    And in that weak moment, you kicked Peter in the chest to break free. Sending him backwards and completely bewildered by what the fuck was happening…

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[retrievablememories]

fool me once | ten (m)

title: fool me once pairing: ten x black!reader genre: smut request: “Hi I’m new to your page and I just wanted to say I love your writing so much and I’ve started writing my own because of you🥺and also if requests are still open can you do a black Poc with Ten and she does a prank on Ten which ends up with her ass up and face down or anything with Ten being a dom🤭” word count: 2.7k warnings: dom!male, sub!female, fingering, orgasm denial, spanking, use of restraints, use of vibrator, overstimulation, squirting, unprotected sex, creampie, cumplay, dirty talk a/n: i planned to write this one later, but i needed to get this off my chest now because it was haunting me lmao. don’t try any of these pranks at home 🚫

Playing pranks on your boyfriend is one of your favorite pastimes. Maybe to your own detriment. 

You’d been messing with him all week, but mostly because you hadn’t seen him in a while, and in your reasoning, it was your way of showing him how much you missed him. Some people’s love language involves buying gifts and writing sweet poems for their loved ones; yours just happened to involve getting on your boyfriend’s nerves.

He wasn’t very happy when you tricked him into eating an Oreo with toothpaste in the middle instead of cream. Or when you hid one shoe in every pair he owns so he had to leave the house in mismatched ones. He was even less amused when you wrapped his entire car in saran wrap the night before he was supposed to go meet up with the WayV members.

You’d been wondering when it would happen, almost certain that the saran wrap prank would take him over the edge, but Ten finally hits a breaking point after your latest idea. This time, you invited him to come over to your house and left the door unlocked for him to get in by himself. 

You listen quietly from the doorway as you hear him pulling into the driveway and coming up the front walkway, your hand over your mouth to stop your giggles from bursting out. You rush into the kitchen before he comes in.

The only thing Ten can register as he opens the door is what looks like a dozen spiders jumping out at him, which makes him scream and fall back on the porch. He trips as he jumps back, which causes him to bust his ass and go rolling down the porch steps. When he manages to get himself upright again, he notices one of your neighbors watching the spectacle from their yard, looking at him like he’s a complete fool.

You watch it all happen from your spot where you crouch in the kitchen doorway, laughing the entire time. Ten stumbles back to the entryway and quickly realizes the “spiders” are just a row of fake toys glued to a clear string, and he rips it off the top of the door. When he spots you, you laugh even louder at his red face and upset expression. “Y/N! What the fuck is this?!”

Ten slams the door shut behind him and throws his bag to the floor, and you immediately take off when you see him coming towards you. All you hear is his feet hitting the floor as he chases you through the kitchen and up the stairs. You duck into your bedroom and try to slam the door to slow him down, but he pushes his way in before you can even think about locking it and ends up wrestling you to the bed.

“Ow! Quit manhandling me, you’re so mean!”

“I’m mean? You’ve been tormenting me with this shit for days now!”

Ten manages to get you on your stomach and put his weight on you, then begins searching underneath your pillow for something. When he finds it, he pulls it out triumphantly and ties your hands behind your back with it—your own headscarf. You can guess that he’s chosen it because he knows you won’t struggle too hard against it, not wanting to rip the material. “This is so fucked up,” you say breathlessly, though you’ve yet to stop laughing.

“You’ll find out real quick that you can’t always get away with everything.” He resituates himself so he can pull you over his lap and grab a handful of your ass, and you already know what’s coming. Still, when he pulls back and spanks you, you yelp from the shock of it. There is a part of you, though, that enjoys the feeling of it—of his hand coming down hard on your ass, leaving a sharp sting even through the fabric of your shorts.

He makes you count to 20, which leaves your ass burning fiercely by the end of his punishment. When Ten feels you’ve had enough, he strips your shorts and underwear off together, caressing your stinging skin with an unexpected gentleness. You know him well enough to understand that there’s something else on the other side of this merciful behavior, though, and you try to brace yourself for whatever that might be. 

As you thought, Ten nudges your thighs apart a tad wider, and that touch is all the forewarning you get before two of his fingers are knuckle-deep in you. You gasp and tremble against his body at the sudden stretch and pleasure of him pushing his way inside you. Your toes curl from it, and you try to draw ragged breaths as he fingerfucks you, thrusting into your tender g-spot. He’s always known exactly where to strike to weaken all your defenses.

“Tennn, this isn’t fair…” Your arm muscles ache from their positioning and from you trying to resist the urge to struggle against your bonds.

“You think this isn’t fair? We’ve barely started.”

There isn’t much you can do except lie across his lap and take what he’s giving you, whimpering quietly all the time. Unfortunately for you, what he gives you turns out not to be as much as you thought it’d be. It doesn’t take long for that familiar tightening in your abdomen to start, and you push your hips up more, trying to reach that peak faster. Ten doesn’t cave to your desires, though, and stills inside you, letting you clench fruitlessly around his fingers.

“Please don’t stop,” you moan, though your imminent relief is already slipping away from you.

“You’ll come when I decide you should, Y/N.”

When your pleasure has dropped down from its former peak, Ten begins moving his fingers in you again, building you right back up. He pulls them out at one point to rub your clit, making your muscles tense and release as he massages that oversensitive part of you. The way his graceful fingers circle around your pearl makes your head swim, and you have to try not to drool a bit from the ecstasy of it.

This time you keep yourself as quiet as possible as you get nearer, not wanting him to find out you’re about to come and stopping it again. That doesn’t work though—of course. He knows you better than that. As soon as you think you might actually get to come, he pulls his hand away from you yet again. You twist around impatiently on his lap, which makes him slap your ass.

“Stop being such a brat and behave for once. Do you think I’m gonna give you my dick with you acting like this?”

You keep your lips pressed together, some part of you not wanting to let him have the upperhand even though he’s already long had it. You have to open your mouth to scream, though, when he spanks you harder than before.

“Answer me, Y/N.” The sound of his demanding voice makes you twitch around his fingers, and you’re sure he can feel it.

“I-I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” 

Ten removes his wet fingers from you and rearranges your body on the bed stomach-down. You sigh deeply, still upset at getting no orgasm, but you let him maneuver you however he likes. He pulls your hips up so your head is resting on the pillow and your ass is offered up to him.

“Arch your back for me,” he says, his hand pressing against the small of your back. You moan softly at his words, doing as he asks.

You can’t see what he’s doing behind you, but you hear him moving around. Your body jerks at the sudden feeling of his dick sliding through your lower lips.

“Are you gonna be a good girl for me?” His tip teases you but doesn’t enter, and you’re almost ready to shout with how pent-up and frustrated you are, though you also know doing that will only make things harder for you.

“I’ll be good,” you say quietly.

Ten spanks you on a sore spot, which makes your legs shake a bit as you try to hold your positioning. “I couldn’t hear you.”

Your voice trembles as you speak louder. “I promise I’ll be good, just, please…”

“Please what? Do you want to drag this out all night?”

“Please fuck me.”

There’s no concealing the groan that comes from your lips after he finally decides to settle himself inside you, especially with it being so long since you’ve felt him properly. You want to push back on him, but he holds your hips still. Your hands twist aimlessly, wishing you could feel him under your fingertips.

His first thrusts are not very fast but more forceful than anything, making your skin slap together loudly. Your forehead is shining with sweat as you try to keep your breathing even, though it’s hard to inhale properly between the noises spilling from you.

“If only the neighbors could hear you right now. Should we open the window so they can listen to you scream my name?”

“Fuck, d-don’t.” You can’t tell whether he’s being serious or not, but you don’t want to take the chance. You’re too busy savoring his deep thrusts inside you, his tip rubbing against your tender spot.

“Don’t lie.” Ten’s hand creeps to the back of your neck, tugging at your hair—only gently, though, as he knows not to go yanking shit. Still, the extra stimulation at your nape makes you cry out. “You like embarrassing me in front of the neighbors; why don’t I embarrass you?” When he quickens his pace, you find it impossible to keep quiet, begging him to please let you cum this time.

“I’m gonna come, Ten, p-please, let me…” Your words turn to babbling even as you try to keep your mind straight. The pleasure clouding your brain lessens, though, when he slows his thrusts a bit. You think he’s going to edge you again, and you nearly sob from frustration.

“Mmm….should I?” The way he moves his hips into you is fluid like water, the smooth rocking motion of it more than enough to make up for the slower pace. “Do you deserve to come?”

It takes you a few moments to get your voice stable enough to reply, especially with him still fucking into you the entire time. Your orgasm is looming on the horizon despite him insistently denying you, and you hope that he’ll give you permission. Either way, you don’t think you can hold it back anymore. “Y-yes, I’ve been a good g-girl. Just like you t-told me to. Please....”

Ten smirks from behind you, though you can’t see this. “Then let me feel you. Come on me, baby.”

His free hand slips to your clit and this is enough to tip the scales for you, a pure flood of euphoria running through your veins and enveloping your nerves. He keeps his other hand in your hair so you won’t try to muffle your noises in the pillow, and you’re left to cry and pant his name into the air, your speech quickly becoming incoherent.

Ten spills deeply into you not long after your own end, holding himself there and letting his cum paint your inner walls while a litany of pretty moans cascades from his lips. When he pulls out, he quickly pushes his fingers into you again, making you pant desperately, unsure whether to push closer to his probing hand or pull away from the overstimulation.

You don’t have to think about it too long, because he soon takes them back out and shuffles up the bed to be at eye-level with you. You let your bottom half sink back to the mattress, feeling incredibly well-fucked. While staring into your eyes, Ten pushes his wet fingers against your lips—the ones still covered in both of your fluids. You willingly accept them, and he watches as you clean everything up.

You’re getting sleepy now, and you lie prone as you let Ten untie your scarf and set your wrists free, finally. He massages the skin there, which is a little indented from the fabric. Your eyes drift closed as he does this. You don’t think of anything suspicious when you feel him turning you on your back; nor do you bother to open your eyes when you hear the bedside drawer opening.

He shuffles around on the bed some more, and it’s only when you hear a familiar buzzing do your eyes fly open. Ten sits there in front of you holding your Hitachi wand like it’s a threat.

“We’re not finished yet.”

“You can’t be serious,” you say, your heart rate picking up again as he slips his way down your body. “Ten, I don’t think I can take anymore—” Your legs shake involuntarily when he presses the round tip of the vibrator against your clit, and you gasp loudly. He situates himself neatly between your legs to keep them open as he presses two of his fingers into you. He momentarily removes them to slide them through your lower lips and across your clit, using your combined cum as lube to make the vibrator move against you more smoothly.

Soon, Ten’s back inside you like he never left, hooking his fingers into your g-spot and circling the vibrator over your clit in a tight rhythm. You grasp at the pillow and sheets beneath you, trying to hold onto some sense of stability as he pushes your oversensitive body even further. Your whole being is electrified, your hips arching and legs twisting recklessly as Ten gives you more than what you think you can handle.

The sound of him fingering you is magnified by all the slick between your legs and his own cum, and it makes a mess of the sheets as he does. He’s mostly unphased by all your moving around, keeping the vibrator on you and his index and middle fingers deep inside you as you plead for him. You try to bite your shirt to silence yourself, but it doesn’t do much good to quiet you.

Something you haven’t quite felt before rises inside you as you edge closer to yet another orgasm, and you’re a little afraid of it.

“W-wait, this feels—Oh my God, I think I’m gonna—” Fueled by your cries, Ten turns the vibrator up to its next speed, which makes your legs tense up. You’re almost crying as you cum, squeezing tightly around his fingers, except there’s more gushing out of you this time. You end up wetting his forearm and the sheets underneath you from it. 

Ten pushes his face into you to taste you, his tongue and the vibrator working you over and causing you to squirt again. You’re a little shocked and embarrassed about cumming on his face, though you don’t have too much thought to give to those emotions as you’re swept up in a slew of smaller orgasms.

You’re not entirely sure when it all ends, convinced you must’ve blacked out at some point. All you know is that your face is wet with tear-streaks and your body is saturated with tremors afterwards. Ten is face-to-face with you now, pulling a few pieces of hair away from your cheek.

“Are you still alive?” He laughs, though his voice is tender.

“...Just barely.”

Ten reaches for the nightstand again and your whole body reacts as you use what strength you have left to tug on his arm. “No!! I’m not kidding Ten, I’m going to die—”

Ten looks at you with amusement, holding a water bottle in your face. “I’m only getting this. You’re probably dehydrated...you squirted like, everywhere.”

Your skin warms at that. “Whose fault is that?” you say tiredly, glaring at him, though you accept the water when he puts the bottle to your lips.

Ten gives you a small smile and runs his finger along the bridge of your nose. “Think about that the next time you try to play a prank on me.”

[urbiggestdaydream]

fear street: a review

happy spooky seasons babes!!! for every week in october, i'll be posting reviews on spooky movies and tv shows inspired by this Instagram post https://www.instagram.com/p/CUN2Xeth3N4/?utm_medium=copy_link attached in case you want any ideas for a spooky night in. this first review will be on the netflix original movie, fear street. one of my best friends is OBSESSED with this trilogy so it's dedicated to her. i told her someday i would watch it and today is the day :) 

fear street is a trilogy set around 1994, 1978, and 1666 respectively. for the sake of the review, i will be watching the first one. it runs for an hour and 47 mins and is rated r. the first opening line states, “it started as a prank and ended in murder” already intriguing. it sets the stage of a rebellious teenage age that could end in an accidentally murder or an supernatural circumstances that leads to murder. either one sounds good. i’m getting a little ahead of myself. the general plot is about a group of teens from the town of shadyville that try to rectify the brutal killings that plague their town. for more insight, keep on reading. it will contain major spoilers so you have been warned. 

SPOILER the movie begins with heather (maya hawke, a queen) who is working at a book store. a relatable girl with her “not like other girls” personality, she exchanges teasing banter with her friend, ryan who works near her. as the mall begins to close (named shadyside mall which serves as a foreshadow), she encounters the killer wearing a halloween skeleton mask. they wrestle around for a little bit and she is then killed afterwards. just when i started to like her. before her death, she unveils the killer and it is revealed as her friend ryan who she was just conversing with. 

the opening scene provides an inner look into shadyside and its reputation for being a murderous town. we are then told that this is a common thing. it has a neighboring town called sunnyvale. like the name suggests, it is the complete opposite. it is safe, wealthy and comfortable. it had a record breaking year of no violence as opposed to shadyside which is cursed with murders. it is dubbed “killer capital usa”. i wonder if this is used as a social commentary on how certain towns cannot be saved and are riddled with crime. but that is a discussion for another day. we are also given motifs of a witch being executed. could this be an illusion to events to come? 

we are met with a new protagonist named deena. deena is going through a breakup with someone named sam. she is heartbroken and resentful as sam is the reason she left band. we meet her friends, simon and kate, who are there to support her throughout the whole process and with that they discuss the current standing of their town with the recent murder of heather. a possible reason for the killings is considered: shadyside creates murders. certain people lose their breaking point and take it out on unsuspecting victims. it makes people go insane.

a town left in shambles once again. a candlelit vigil is held for the victims of the mall massacre hosted in sunnyvale. it is clear that the neighboring towns have animosity towards each other. it is giving pawnee vs. eagleton (shout out to parks and rec). with the rising tensions between them, a fight ensues with the two football teams. it is also revealed that the reason for sam and deena’s breakup is sam moving to sunnyvale. deena is displeased at her decision and i would be too but at the same time, i don’t blame sam. i would have left too if my life would be in danger just by being there. but that’s besides the point. enraged, everyone goes back to their respective homes with a few football players plus sam tormenting the shadyside team. several hyped up chants later, the shadyside team retaliate by throwing a cooler directed at the car. the car begins to swerve and hits a tree harming the people inside. grasping at life, sam begins to see visions which could be due to the accident, but it is assumed as the witch. 

now at home, deena sees the killer at her home and he also comes after kate. due to the events prior, they believe it is peter (one of the football players) and they visit the hospital where sam is held. deena goes on a rampage telling sam to control her psychotic boyfriend. however, peter was in the hospital the whole time and is killed right in front of their eyes thus disproving the theory. good riddance to him. they run away from him and getting away safely but like heather, they unveil him and it is revealed as the same person as before: ryan torres. they go to the police but they are disregarded because ryan was killed by sheriff goode when he killed heather. they decide to take this into their own hands. outside the station, simon encounters this girl that tries to kill him. josh, (deena’s brother) who has done research on the various shadyside killers, identifies the girl who tried to kill simon as ruby lane. the weird part is that ruby’s killings were over 30 years ago. the witch from the opening scenes, sarah fier, was executed in the 1600s (when the first shadyside killing was reported). these massacres are somehow all connected to her and it could be how normal people are suddenly becoming murderers because she is seeking revenge by inhibiting unsuspecting bodies. sam is her next victim as the killers are attracted to her blood and she is seeing the visions. they make a plan to kill kate to wane away the bad spirits and bring her back to life with an epipen. it works in the end, but simon and kate are eliminated in the process by the demons. 

the remaining survivors (deena, kate, and josh) go to the police and talk about their experiences. because they aren’t willing to give up information (which i don’t know the reason; i might have overlooked it), the murders are planted on the now deceased kate and simon. (a mild rant). what is bothering me about deena is that she didn’t properly mourn her friends killed in the crossfire. she’s so selfishly in love with kate that she completely disregarded her friends death. life just seems to be all good for her as if nothing happened because she got back together with sam. freaking josh seemed to care more than she did. he stood up for them in his online chat but deena? where’s the energy. she seemed to care a tiny bit with the police officer (because as she claimed drug use is a perfect example to blame since the two sold drugs) but not enough to clear the air about the murders. idk that just rubbed me the wrong way. 

deena and sam are back together and living their best life good for them (i’m so petty lmao) deena gets a call from c berman (the sole survivor of one of the past massacres). she tells her its a little too late for the phone call because they could have used her advice when they still were fighting the demons. berman tells her that it never goes away and sarah always comes back. we see sarah etching sam’s name under ryan torres on a gravestone. sam is now possessed with sarah’s spirit and attacks deena. she ties up sam and tells josh that she isn’t acting like herself and they need to save her. to be continued. END SPOILER. 

final thoughts: i like this. i get why this is popular.  i’m usually not the biggest horror movie fan because they are always so typical and kinda corny. however, something about this feels fresh and new. the idea of a possessed witch is nothing new but i don’t think i have heard about a witch seeking revenge on her execution by passing on her witchcraft for generations. a woman’s scorn. plus we got some teenage drama mixed into it to add more dimension. i like knowing that the story continues on because i like the direction this is going. dare i say it i would put it up with scream as part of my favorites in the horror movie genre. someday i will watch the next two. i definitely recommend this movie for horror movie fans. i will give it a 8/10. 

[sleepy-exe]

Shapeshifter AU - 7

Iwaizumi x f!reader

<< Part 6 | Part 8 >>

Summary: Y/n goes to the park with Iwaizumi and finds a shapeshifter friend. Mizuki wants to know about this guy Y/n has been spending time with.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: none

Genre: sfw (18+ regardless), shapeshifter au, strangers to lovers

Part 7: We Could Be Friends

Y/n and Iwaizumi made plans to go to one of the forest parks nearly a week ago. But due to busy schedules, they didn't have any free days line up until now. This was the first time in awhile Y/n had been to a park in the forest in a long time. Which meant she wasn’t exactly the best guide. Luckily the park had marked paths through the area versus her usual running wild anywhere between the trees. Seeing sunshine through the trees may have been even prettier than the moonlight at night, tucked behind the treetops.

Used to the quietness of nocturnal animals and lack of any people, this area felt like another world even though they weren’t too far off from one of her frequented nighttime spots. Walking alongside Iwaizumi, she found herself almost constantly catching the sounds and movements of birds and small critters that she wouldn’t normally get to experience. She tried not to get distracted too much anytime Iwaizumi started talking. But with the new sounds and different scents through the trees, she couldn’t help but get distracted some.

“I thought you said you’ve been out here before,” Iwaizumi questioned, breaking her trance of the world around her.

“Huh? Oh.” She realized she had really slowed down her pace but quickly sped up again. “Yeah, but it's been a minute. It’s so.. alive here.”

“Alive? Isn’t fall kind of the opposite,” he said, crossing his arms. “And I mean, it's nice out here, but the way you keep looking around.. It’s like you’ve never seen such a place before.”

She laughed nervously. “Well, the last time I was out here I didn’t notice so many animals.”

He looked around, trying to spot something in the trees or fallen leaves, but other than a squirrel and a couple of birds he couldn’t find anything that could possibly be so interesting. But he decided not to argue. “Right,” fingers tapping his left bicep.

Soon they came across a stream off to the side of the designated path; likely the same stream that ran through where she sat with Sakusa a couple of weeks ago. Y/n took it upon herself to lead them off the path towards it. As she sat down in the leaves, Iwaizumi stood next to her, eyes narrowing. “Aren’t we supposed to stay on the paths?”

She looked up to him and smirked before bringing her attention to the water. “So? What, we might get yelled at? It’ll be fine.”

He watched her for a moment, then sat beside her. “I really don’t want to get kicked out of a park.”

She snickered. “Do you think this is any worse than showin’ up after dark? It’s fine! Just sit here and listen.”

He followed her command. “..The birds?”

“Hmm. Yes, but not just those. You can hear the water move, the breeze shuffling leaves, and there’s either squirrels or chipmunks running around the trees and ground.. Just sit here and relax, listening and being in nature.” She looked around to where she heard each sound as she spoke.

But he can’t hear every sound that she can. “Yeah, I guess I can do that..”

She took the chance to stubbly take in the new sights and sounds, getting better attuned with her lively-to-her surroundings. They stayed like that for a few minutes, before she looked over to him and realized he had been staring at her. Her eyes widened for a split second. “Come on.” She shoved his shoulder with a playfully grin before standing and dusting off her pants. “We’re like what, half around this trail?” She grabbed his arm and dragged him back towards the path with her.

They walked along the path for a while. Watching squirrels run about and climb trees, listening to everything Y/n had pointed out.

Her phone started buzzing repeatedly, so she slipped it out of her pocket to check what’s going on.

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “r u out on that date yet?”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “u said that’s today right?”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “when am i going to meet him”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “not a date. i told you that”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “i barely know anything about him n dont even know what he looks like >:(“

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “come onnnnn i wanna see this guy that managed to get ur attention”

She chuckled. “It’s Mizuki.”

“How’s she?”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “as if you and sakusa didnt get my attention”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “what’s wrong with me having a new friend?”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “yeah but sakusa was all but forced into our friendship and i forced my way into your heart so whooo forced this lil friendship-thing? Who do i have to thank for helping socialize our Y/n”

She gave an exasperated sigh. “Apparently dying to meet you.”

He raised his eyebrows and slid his hands in his pockets. “You talk about me to your friends?”

“Mmm.. Well, it's hard to keep things from her. It seems like she always finds a way.” She crinkled her nose as they passed a plant that had a strong odor to her, though Iwaizumi didn't seem phased. “That and she saw me texting ya the other day and had to ask questions.” She shook her head. “The ever curious, Mizu’.”

He laughed. “She sounds.. interesting to have around.”

She giggled. “She’s high energy, but she means well. She’s just curious.”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “wow”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “i am capable of making friends on my own you know”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “uh huh and i’ll get to see him when?”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “why are you hiding him ;P is he that hot that you want to hide him away lol”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “love u”

“Maybe you should introduce us.” He bumped into her, grinning.

“If I do that she might drag you on last minute adventures. Which could range from running around downtown or staying in. But mostly out.” She gave a half shrug.

“That almost sounds like a complaint,” he said.

She waved a hand defensively. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the city and coming out here, but I prefer staying in more than she does.”

“Maybe we should have stayed in then.” He looked her over, noticing she was no longer looking around constantly. “Though you seem.. Not so overwhelmed now.”

She blushed in embarrassment. “Ah- Hmm, I’d say more like.. Deeply enjoying.. This place.”

He looked unimpressed by her poor explanation. “Uh huh.”

She cleared her throat and their conversation paused as they made their way to the end of the path. Enjoying the sights and sounds around them in the process.

“But really, I do love her and love having her around.” She giggled quietly to herself. “There’s not a dull moment with her. I may have to raise her spirits from time to time, but she can do the same for me.”

He smiled softly. “Sounds like you’re good friends.”

She hummed an agreement. “Maybe I will introduce you sometime.”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “love you”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “You became friends in college, right?” He tilted his head towards her.

She shook her head. “Yeah. We were both business majors and had a couple of classes together.. my second year, I think. And well, she has a way of befriending anyone. So next thing ya know, we were friends.”

Approaching the parking lot, they stopped to chat. Not having plans for if their little outing stopped here or not.

“Do you ever do anything other than go for walks or to bars in your free time?”

“I go out to eat,” she said matter-of-factly, then looked around the lot in front of them until she spotted her car. She found Iwaizumi’s green Tacoma several cars down from hers in the process.

He nodded slowly. “Okay.. but if those three things suddenly didn’t exist what would you do?”

She shrugs nonchalantly. “Guess I’d die.” She smirked.

He rolled his eyes and pointed to his truck. “So you don’t want to go to grab a bite then?”

“You have found my one true weakness,” she says dramatically with a hand on her chest and a sarcastic grin.

He shook his head. “Come on, follow me. There’s a little cafe not far from here, if that’s your thing. I can give you the address.”

She happily agrees at the promise of food and they head for her Civic. She drops into the driver’s seat and leaves the door wide open while Iwaizumi gives her the address. Once she has the GPS ready to go, he walks around the car to head for his truck. Kicking one leg outside the car, she texts Mizuki, deciding to entertain her with a selfie of the two from the beginning of their walk.

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “here”

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “Attachment.jpg”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “ooohh!! owo”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “he is HOT! no wonder you’re keeping him around”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “you met at that bar?? damn maybe i should have joined you lmao”

Hopefully that’ll keep her happy for a bit.

“Hmm?” Blur of orange to her right catching her interest. A gorgeous red fox had appeared while she was preoccupied, walking around the open driver’s door. Her eyes widened at the sight. Foxes typically stayed away from her, but she was almost only ever out here as a wolf, so that’s only to be expected. The fox sat on the pavement, giving her a cheerful tail wag. She cooed, “Hey there lil’ fella.”

Immediately the fox’s ears pulled back, and she swears its face scrunched. Not a minute later the fox swiftly hopped into her car and onto her lap, completely catching her off guard.

“Ho?” She squinted. How strange. She would have never imagined such behavior from a wild fox; though there is a shifter that looks oddly similar that probably would crawl in her lap if given the opportunity. He does have the same set of face markings..

The realization of the situation hit her. “Oh! No no, hey! I’m not alone here!” She quietly scolded the shifter in her lap, looking over to where Iwaizumi had parked but she couldn’t spot his truck passed the other cars from here. “Ah shit, do you need a ride home?” She asked the fox shifter just before he hopped into the backseat.

“Okay, uh, hold on.” She quickly dialed Iwaizumi, “Hey, uh, sorry, um.. No, no.. A friend just got a hold of me and needs me to take them home.. Ah, no! He’s fine, just- ..Actually, can we just change locations? ..Yeah, no, he's remotely close to where you live, kinda, so if you want to go anywhere around there, I can meet you when I’m done or something.. Yeah, yeah! I think I know that place..” She peered into the backseat at the fox. Cupping the microphone and sighing, she whispers to the fox, “You’re lucky I love you.”

Back to the phone, “Okay! I’ll see you there! Sorry, again!” Hanging up, she started the car. “Stay down until we hit the highway. Don’t shift yet either.”

Part 8 >>

[isthisthingeven0n]

my number neighbour : part two

brief summary: after a few months of talking back and forth, it’s finally time to meet one another in person. and what a better time to meet than on new years eve in new york city?

word count:  2.4k requested: yesss by so many people! i’m so glad to continue this story :) warnings: literally none. i just love this so much

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it isn’t me. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

P A R T  O N E 

when this goes live i’ll be out at a party with friends so I hope you all have a wonderful new years celebrations whatever you may be doing! and thank you for such a memorable year. none of this would’ve been possible without you guys supporting and here’s to 2020 - maybe Ilya will finally notice me lmao. Love you all, stay safe. x 

“Okay, so who is down for Miami?” David asks as he draws a line down the whiteboard, making a note of potential locations for everyone to go for New Year's Eve. 

Looking around, David makes a note of those holding their hands up. “And those for LA?” Jason speaks up, and David copies down those names again with a small sigh. 

“What about Hawaii?” Corinna suggests and a few voices cheer in agreement. “Or Vegas? New York?” Her voice pauses as she raises an eyebrow to David who clears his throat, making a small note at the bottom of the board for these new potential locations. 

“Yeah, those sound good.” David mutters to himself, unable to shift his eyes from New York and it does not go unnoticed by the others.

“I think New York sounds like a good option.” Jeff states, smirking as he glances to Jason who gives him a knowing nod. “I heard there’s someone there too that would like to meet you in person.” He adds, and David smiles to himself as he continues to face the whiteboard. 

Eventually, David turns around with a smaller smile. “Yeah, she, Y/n is wondering what my plans are.” David shrugs his shoulder, trying to play it off like it’s no big deal when internally, his systems starting shutting down when you asked. 

“How long ago did she ask you this?” Jason questions, sitting upright as David focuses on his feet.

“About three hours ago.” David mumbles, unaware of the shared looks of excitement and adoration for his newfound interest in his number neighbour. 

“Well,” Jason rises to his feet, standing beside David in front of the whiteboard. “we can’t disappoint Y/n, so those interested in going to New York?” Jason speaks up, and David lifts his eyes to see the majority of hands raised. 

Jason pats David on the shoulder, trying to distract David from overthinking the fact he’ll be able to meet you at last. “New York it is.” David says with a smile as he turns around, rubbing off all the other potential locations and circles New York. 

*

Rushing around your apartment, you kept swearing under your breath. 

“What’s got you all flustered?” Nick questions as he leans against your doorframe, seeing your room having been turned upside down. 

You remove your head from the dark depths of your wardrobe as you let out a long sigh. “I’m looking for this one dress. It’s that ivy lacy one, you know?” 

Nick chuckles to himself, nodding. “Your slutty but not slutty dress?” He rephrases, watching as you rest your hands on your hips. “But super flattering and makes your ass look great dress?” He forces a smile, seeing you roll your eyes. 

“That’d be the one.” You respond before returning to your wardrobe. “I just can’t find it!” You groan and Nick appears by your side. 

“Probably because you lent it to your best friend.” He trails off as realisation hits you. 

“FUCK!” You yell, collapsing down into the wardrobe in defeat. “Of course she had to go and move to Liverpool.” You shake your head, burying your fingers into your hair. 

“Why’d you want the dress so bad anyway?” Nick helps you sit upright, removing you from the dangerous void your wardrobe is. You glance up at him, and watch as it clicks into place in his brain. “No,” He raises an eyebrow and your prolonged silence answers for him. “he, he’s coming to New York?!” He yells and you laugh happily.

“I think so?” You say with a hint of confusion in your tone. “Well, I invited him and his friends,”

“You invited the vlog squad?!” He yells once again, gripping your shoulders tightly. “If you don’t get me a chance with Corinna or Zane I’ll move out.” 

You roll your eyes. “You have such a varied taste, Nick.” You joke, ignoring his rambles of how perfect he’d be for any of his friends. “But, he didn’t respond about it yet.” You add, and Nick’s shoulders drop in disappointment. 

“He’s missing out if he doesn’t come. New Year’s at ours beats any shitty attempt LA has to offer.” He speaks proudly, ignoring the look you give him.

“Nick, you passed out two minutes after midnight and barely remember any of the party.” You remind him, chuckling as he glares over jokingly. 

“Well, I’d remember more if David came so I could finally meet the guy who has you digging up a dress you’ve not worn in two years.” He states and you can’t argue back, knowing it’s true. 

You didn’t intend for this to happen, but when you first FaceTimed him, he seemed like a genuinely sweet person. He was kinda shy which you liked, but as your conversation went on the more grounded you both felt talking to one another. 

Since the first FaceTime you two had, it became almost daily. Eventually, he told you more about his line of work and it clicked where you knew his voice from. You introduced David to Nick, and Nick screamed down the phone which made you laugh hysterically. Since then, Nick has been a cocktail of love, support and amazement that your number neighbour is David Dobrik. 

The sound of your phone pinging made your ears perk up as you resurfaced from old jumpers and darted for your phone. 

You manage to narrowly beat Nick, and you squeal as you read David’s message. 

“Well?” Nick asks eagerly as you type a response before turning back to face your flatmate. 

“We’ve got just over a week to find me a new dress.” You say with a smile as you laugh, feeling Nick lift you off the ground as he hugs you tightly. 

*

Fidgeting, you’re barely able to stand still as guests start arriving. You agreed to take a few shots with Nick to help your nerves, but your body seems immune to anything besides growing anxieties. 

“Hey, he’ll be here soon.” Nick smiles softly to you and you nod in response, knowing if David would cancel, he’d have the decency to message you first.

A loud knock starts on the front door, and you remain blissfully ignorant as you stand with your back turned, talking to some old friends. 

“I gotta admit, I blacked out last year.” One friend tells you, causing you to laugh remembering the whole ordeal. 

Sipping your drink, you shake your head. “You and Nick were clearly shot buddies last year then.” You say, watching as she retells the events she can remember, hoping to not repeat them tonight.

As your friend reminisces on 2018 New Years Eve, Nick opens the front door to see David stood with a bright smile and camera in hand. 

“Holy fuck.” Nick mutters as David chuckles. 

“Hey, Nick.” David speaks up and Nick stutters over his own breath. “I brought some friends with me. This is Zane, Carly, Corinna, Matt and Jeff.” 

Everyone waves politely as Nick barely manages to raise his hand to wave back. “It’s good to meet you guys.” Nick manages to force his words out, oblivious to David’s eyes darting around the room in search of you.

“Can we come in?” Corinna speaks up, smiling to Nick who chuckles under his breath before moving aside. 

Across the room, your friend's attention is immediately diverted. “Hold on,” She holds your arm, staring straight past you. “you never mentioned him bringing hot friends.” She says with a humourous scoff as you remain cemented on the spot, too afraid to turn around. 

“She’s just over there,” Nick moves to stand by David, able to fully compose himself. “you can’t miss her, she’s a stunner in that red dress.” Nick comments with a slight wink as David smiles. 

“Thanks, Nick.” David says before Nick walks off in search of Corinna to try and swoon. 

Taking a deep breath, David pushes back all the nerves that have built up over the past week. Now is his chance, he flew to come see you, just you. After all this time this is the moment he’s been waiting for since you replied to that first dumb message. Yet, it feels fake, but for once it isn’t a prank. 

Walking toward you, David watches as you begin to turn around.

Mentally, you were psyching yourself up for the moment, not sure what to expect. 

Neither of you was aware of the eyes pausing, having heard the stories about you two - the number neighbours whose friendship has the potential to blossom. You were the Twitter thread’s idea of fate working its magic. 

Facing him, you opened your mouth to speak, but David mirrored your exact actions. “I, erm, hi.” You manage to force the words out, glancing out of the corner of your eye to see Nick facepalm.

David chuckles softly, realising you’re even cuter in person. “Hi, Y/n.” He says softly before bringing you into a hug. 

Being in his arms, you began to relax your body from the tension you were holding in. It was comfortable, it felt right being close to him after almost two months of speaking through a screen. 

“Oh my god if they don’t end up together I’m going to scream.” Carly comments as the others nod in agreement as you two walk-off elsewhere in the apartment, engaged in conversation.

Whilst talking to one another, hours passed by like minutes. You felt like you had known him your entire life, and the feeling was evidently mutual. 

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” You repeat for the tenth time, and despite your nerves having died down, there is still a small part of your system that is in a permanent state of shock.

His hand slipping down toward yours, David smiles to himself as you intertwine your fingers with his. “I’m glad you invited me. Otherwise, I’d most likely be in some bar in Vegas.” He comments, hearing you scoff lightly.

“How painful that would’ve been for you, Dave.” You joke, hearing him laugh in response. 

“So painful. Having to accept free drinks and see Zane drunk,” David sighs heavily. “it’s a hard life.” He comments with a shrug of his shoulder before returning his attention back to you. “But I’m really glad to be here, really.” He squeezes your hand lightly, watching as a smile ghosts your lips playfully.

“I’m glad you came. I mean, I knew we’d meet eventually but, but I’m glad you came for New Years.” You lean against the kitchen counter, looking out from your windows at the hectic citizens thriving below. 

David focuses on the features he couldn’t see crisply on video or through photos. He couldn’t see the small dimples or freckles dotted across your face. The iPhone camera never did you the full justice, you’re more beautiful in person than he could’ve anticipated. 

“Well, if it means one less single for 2020, I’m all for it.” He comments but as he listens to the words leaving his lips, your hand drops from his. “Wait, I, I meant,” He rambles, but you shake your head.

“I didn’t wanna assume,” You start, both of you stuttering and struggling to find the right words.

“Oh god,” Corinna cringes, looking up to Nick who winces at the sight. “they’re hopeless.” 

Nick rests his hand on Corinna’s shoulder for a second, a lightbulb moment occurring. “I’ve got an idea.” He says with a smile. “With Y/n, actions speak louder than words.” He states, glancing to his phone to see the time. “The countdown will start any minute.” 

Moving through everyone at the party, Nick walks toward the pair of you. “Oh, hey Nick.” You welcome the interruption, breaking the awkward silence between you and David. 

“Hey Y/n, David.” He says with a smile. “Okay, everybody!” Nick claps, offering his hand to you to join him on the kitchen counter. 

As you stand beside him, David moves back into the crowd, finding Jeff who looks at him with excitement, only to see it quickly fade. “What happened, dude?” Jeff questions, seeing David looking like a lost puppy.

“I think I fucked it up.” David states, sighing heavily. 

“I’m sure you didn’t, David.” Jeff says, patting his back lightly. “I mean, look at her, she can barely take her eyes off of you.” Jeff mutters, motioning up to you as you desperately try to not stare at him. 

“So, it’s nearly midnight so everyone pair up!” Nick cheers and everyone rummages through the crowd whilst David nears you, helping you down. 

His hands rest on your waist. “I, have you got a kiss at midnight?” David questions, slowly feeling his sense of confidence return around you as you smile to him. 

“Is this your way of asking me, Dobrik?” You ask in return. 

“If you say yes, that is.” He retorts playfully, watching as you nod. 

“I’d love to.” You tell him before moving into the crowd as the countdown begins. 

One minute left of 2019, of the decade. 

“Do you feel like it’s been worth it?” David turns to face you, wanting to drown out everyone else and focus just on you. “Do, do you regret answering my dumb message when I sent it?” 

You scrunch your eyebrows together. “Of course not.” You say as if it were obvious. “You, you coming into my life happened at an almost perfect time. I, I secretly look forward to our calls, knowing you will find a way to make me laugh at something stupid.” You ramble, feeling your heart hammering against your chest.

“After tonight, would you like to go on a date with me?” He questions, but the one thing he’s been wanting to ask you all night is drowned out by the countdown.

“THREE, TWO ONE.” 

As everyone reaches one, you rest your hands on David’s cheeks, pulling him closer into you. 

The sound of cheers and confetti surrounds you as David deepens the kiss, his arms resting on your wait pulling you closer. 

“Happy new year love birds.” Nick yells to you both as you pull away, smiling like idiots. 

“Hey, Dave?” You ask, looking up at him. “I’d love to go on a date.” You reply, before kissing him softly. “Happy new year.” 

The rest of his friends walk over, joining in the celebrations as the party continues. 

But all David can think about is how grateful he is to some dumb trend on Twitter, that he’s able to start a new year with you. 

[multifandomhoodies]

. Here’s a. bit of a write up on corps life. 

my big number one? I wanna go back lmao. I’ve been home for a few days and I’m already to go back out there. 

Anyways. I spent two months camping and working in the pacific northwest and. honestly it was the most incredible experience of my life. I was on a five person crew (four members and a lead) and of that group there were only two people that hadn’t already done a session of conservation corps either at this corps or a different one. This was my first time doing a corps! I was like. deadass shitting a brick before I left. I was so nervous to fly across the country (I’d never even flown before!) and go do something I’d never done for two months. I’ve been camping. I’ve been hiking. I’d worked outside for the last nine months and had two seasons of outdoor work in park maintenance. but this was living out of tent for TWO months. I was super excited but I was. so fucking nervous too. And god to fly? Airports seemed scary and busy and I was scared I was gonna miss a flight or not be able to find where to go. So the weeks leading up to my trip I was so goddamn nervous. But I did it lmao. 

And then. corps life. We spent the first day doing orientation where I met my crew!! and then left to head to our campsite where we’d do saw training the next three days. We left the parking lot of headquarters to Colter Wall’s “The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie” and headed to an area in the Willamette National Forest. The drive there was incredible. I’d flown into Oregon the night before and really hadn’t seen much because it was 9:30 when I landed and had only taken a short lyft ride to headquarters p early in the morning so. This was kind of my first time getting to see more than the freeway of Oregon. It was so beautiful. The big ass trees and the river and the mountains were just. incredible. And then that night two of my crewmates made entirely too much spaghetti which we had for two nights. We then had to use the leftover sauce for another meal. Fun fact! We only had spaghetti once more after that. In two months. Spaghetti is usually a staple on corps. Not on Red Crew. We were scared. Also the crewmember who doled out the pasta portions for that very first dinner of too much spaghetti was banned by our crew contract from doling out grain portions. After that, we went into saw training. Three straight days of saw training and evaluations on the last day. We were starting at seven I think? Like, meeting a five minute walk away in full ppe with saws ready to go at 7am. I think I wrote that I woke up at 4:45 the one morning but honestly that may have been the jet lag. Saw training was exhausting but it was so much fun too. There was a lot of information to take in and I’d at least run a chainsaw before. There were people that hadn’t run saws before at all. On the third day of saw training, we loaded up into our rig (by the way! 2021 ford f250. super duty cab. extended bed with a truck cap. gigantic. massive. imposing. it also had no labelling. it was not marked with anything corps related. it did not even have license plates. it was probably a little intimidating when we were bass boosting driving around in that thing. but whiplash inducing bass boosting because like. notorious big to mumford and sons back to back. can you believe that we never got pulled over in driving almost 5,000 miles). anyways. we did saw evals in a burned zone. I got my bar pinched. I know what I’d do differently now but I have a lot more saw time. But I passed! My whole crew passed and are now USDA National Sawyer Certification A Class Sawyers. Or Feller 3s depending on how you wanna say it. I’m super happy because I got my first professional certification at 19. Although my card says I got it after my birthday but I did my eval before I turned 20 so I’m gonna take it. 

After saw training, we went up to a suburb of Portland to. sigh. move sticks for Karens. The area we were in SCREAMED homeowners association. in the name of “fuels reduction” they had us pick up sticks and hike them down to the road. The sticks were down because the trees were dying from this shitty little park. The first week was cold and rainy and we moved sticks. We cleared out an area close to the road the first day and then the rest of the week we had to swamp (move/clear) sticks up a hill onto this narrow trail. Everyone had blisters because no one was used to walking up and down a hill all day. Carrying wet and occasionally rotting sticks. We’d hike it up the hill to the trail and then load sticks into shitty wheelbarrows and then take those down this narrow path on a steep hill when it was fully loaded with sticks. By the end of the week we were walking a good quarter/half mile to the the road with heavy wheelbarrows. It was miserable. NO one wanted to complain because it was our first project but. eventually we all came to the conclusion that it was bullshit. It had nice views tho. Still my least favorite project. Even thought it was miserable I still like. had fun?? 

After that we went into Washington and planted trees. We actually did this for two weeks but with another site in between. This site uh. did not have bathrooms. Learned how to use a cathole. It hailed the first time I used a cathole. That was exceptionally miserable. But we planted trees! I wasn’t a huge fan of the site our first time there but I warmed up to it. We planted over 3,000 trees in our two weeks. One of our project partners stayed out with us, which mad respect. He was so sweet. We all joked that we were a little in love with him. He wound up hanging out with us during a few of our campfires. He told us about this trip he’d taken back in college to Peru. At this site we coined the phrase “meat plate” which would stay with us until the end of session. Meat plate is dinner that is just, assorted meats that need to be gotten out of the coolers. Also on this site a crewmember got his hand in stinging nettle while taking a shit. The first week was cold. It was rainy and shitty, mostly on the weekend. We did check out the ocean though!! I’d never been to see the ocean and we took the 101 north from near the Willamette to where we were and stopped actually at Fort Stevens State Park and that’s where I got to see the ocean for the first time. In march! It was sunny but actually super nice. We all waded in and one of my crewmates jumped in. It was march. IT was cold. This is the Pacific Ocean. Anyways he’s built different. The second time at the site was a week later, and it was super pretty. It was much better weather. We planted more trees. 

Third week was further in Washington like an hour drive from Olympia. This was my first time seeing snow covered mountains that were massive in the distance. We cleaned up 195 trashbags of plastic plant protectors. Also kind of a shitty project but hey. Wasn’t hiking stuff up hills so. Our partner for this had people come talk to us for educational stuff which was okay, bad, and fantastic in order lol. The partner sent people from their org to be with the speakers (who weren’t part of the org) and we told the one lady what we’d been doing and she started LAUGHING and she was like “I’m sorry they gave you that project it’s because no one else wanted to do it” thanks. it was a shitty task but our partners were so nice that it made up for it. they even got a portapotty on site for us. no but they were all super nice. oh god they’d told us not to yell/slam doors/make loud noises because there was an owl in the barn on the property. we all were loud people and kind of forgot but it was okay we didn’t scare the bird. the bird scared us. one of my crewmates got up to go pee in the middle of the night and it swooped at him. this place was great for birds. We had a very angery killdeer beep at us!! we pulled out scotchbroom from the corner of the property and every time we walked near where it must have had its nest it would very angrily beep at us. It was so cute. We all loved it. My crewlead would always yell back at it. “What!! What do you want!!” I love that lil bird. Pulling out scotchbroom was a trip. To pull out scotchbroom you should in theory be ale to use a weedwrench to pry it out. Right? No. This was old growth scotch broom. This stuff was two inches in diameter as the smallest. It wouldn’t always fit in the weedwrenches. At one point it took me, my crewlead, and a crewmate to pull a scotchbroom with as much force/bodyweight as we could put on it. A couple times my crewlead put his entire bodyweight on to it and wound up falling into blackberry lmao. There was so much blackberry there too my god. It was so painful. We all kept joking about letting our crewlead just burn the area in a prescribed burn to get rid of the invasives. In the parking lot of a different preserve from the same partner org I found a red dinosaur who became one of our crew mascots.

After our second week back planting trees, we headed back down to Oregon to work on a fuels reduction project. We were all so excited for this one. We’d gotten certed for saws at the beginning of the session and had been told that we were gonna be a saw crew doing mostly fuels reduction which our lead had specifically asked to do because he had experience with it. But this was our first real saw project with fuels reduction. The weather this week was amazing. It didn’t rain at all, which on the West side of the Cascades in Oregon in April is pretty weird. It was nice for us but Oregon was and maybe still is in a drought. yikes! anyways. this is when we went on a hike to Blue Pool in the Wilamette National Forest. We camped at a little municipal park with another crew! It was weird being around another crew again because we’d spent so long just on our own that we all starting to lose it a little. But the other crew was super nice and we played frisbee in the dark with them the first night we were in the area. The project? was amazing. We worked on private project with a conglomerate of partners in doing fuels reduction. This conglomerate of partners did a whole bunch of other stuff but we only did fuels reduction. That was a week of working in a burn zone moving sticks. Moving sticks and swamping and making sure piles were neat to be able to be chipped. We learned about dispersing and how to remove ladder fuels and where to leave small logs on the ground for ground fuel. My crewlead showed us hazard trees and took a few out. I really loved this project. I loved the “grab stick go” part of it. It was so much fun. I also got to run a lot of saw which was nice. And this property bordered a parcel of BLM land which wound up being the spot we went to go pee at. If you’ve never been West of the Mississippi river, which I hadn’t(!) you’ve never had the opportunity to be on BLM land. There is no BLM land in the East. I wanted to go on all five of big public land holders in the US and that’s the one I don’t have access to here at home. We actually wound up taking a “nature appreciation walk” because we finished our work early around this little nugget of land and it was so cool. It was right on the McKenzie river and it was beautiful. I found our second crew pet/mascot there, a large palm sized egg shaped rock named “Egg.” We were so filthy there. Four 10s in a burn zone makes ya pretty stinky when you dont get to shower. Actually, we weren’t as stinky here because we just smelled like ash. I had ash everywhere. We went out to eat after the last day and my crewlead hadn’t washed his face in four days and was completely covered in ash. 

Our last project took us 8 hours back into Washington. It was a long fucking drive. We stopped at Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland tho which was incredible. We rolled into our spot in Washington at 12:40. We slept with our sleeping pads and sleeping bags under a pavilion and were woken up by a ranger the next morning who thought we were homeless or illegally camping. This last project was also kinda bullshit. We were working with the Feds who kept telling us to slow down. We were at this project site for three weeks. The first week we cleared trails of downed trees and brushcut. The second and third weeks we helped General Maintenance take down trees and did so many runs to the dumpsite. We moved a lot of sticks and logs and my arms still look super scratched from moving branches. This spot was in the high desert of Eastern Washington and it was actually super pretty. I didn’t think I’d like the desert all that much but there was definitely a beauty to it. There wasn’t shit out there other than the dam. From there tho we were able to go to Leavenworth, this funky little Bavarian themed village up near the Cascades. We also went to Lake Wenatchee, which wasn’t as fun because we had to go move a fridge for the office staff. We spent about seven and a half hours on our last weekend doing this. I’m not salty. But it was super beautiful so. It’s okay. And we passed a prescribed burn on the way back to our site. 

There’s still so much more I want to write and talk about. I have to say I’m overall. just so glad I did this. I had the absolute time of my life. I have never had so much fun. I learned so much. I learned how to really put out a fire with a pulaski from my crewlead. He taught us how to use the Incident Response Pocket Guide to cross reference and look at the probability of ignition. I learned how to use a chainsaw decently well. I did a lot of things that were far beyond my comfort zone. To fly literally halfway across the country, from Ohio to Oregon, for two months and to live in a tent and work on a conservation corps, it was super beyond my comfort zone. I did things with a saw that were beyond my comfort zone and I had to trust in my ability to saw and trust in my crewlead to let me do something he felt comfortable with me doing and thought was in my capability. And it was it was so fucking cool. I really bonded with everyone on y crew too. I made some good friends. And just like. The things I was able to see and do were amazing. And it was so nice to spend so much time outside. I didn’t spend more than an hour or two at most in a building in two months. I worked in 50s and rain wearing rainpants and chainsaw chaps and I worked in the 80s and sun in chainsaw chaps. I was able to lift a full 5 gal of water (40lbs) onto my shoulder and I’m still super proud of it. I watched a ton of movies in the rig with my crewlead and one of my crewmates. I got to use my crewlead’s chainsaw which was a lot cooler, sharper, and bigger than our corps saws. I cried about trees a lot. I celebrated my 20th birthday in a state park with people I didn’t really know too well who surprised me with homemade rice crispie treats and snacks from the Chevron we were regulars for that week at. I hiked some really pretty trails. I gave a lot of hugs and got a lot of hugs. I became not as terrible at hacky sack. I realized that There Are People In My Life Who See Good Things In Me and I Just Want To Keep Making Them Proud. I realized that I’m incredibly hard on myself. This whole thing furthered my belief of goddammit if I wanna do it by god I’ll do it. It’s been a dream of mine since I was 15 to go be on a conservation corps. I got interested in corps life at 15 because of Youth Conservation Corps posting in Wayne National Forest in southern ohio and since then had just. Always wanted to do it. And that literally changed my life - because of just hearing about corps I got super into parks and researched it and was like “oh i wanna be a park ranger” and I started working at the park doing maintenance and went to school briefly for parks and rec management and then dropped out to work more in parks. but then this year, after five years of wanting to do it, I finally did a conservation corps. Not a youth corps but an adult corps. Five years! The biggest dream I had was to work on a conservation corps. I just wanted to use a pulaski on a trail once. And I did at our last project site, even just removing invasives. But just. This experience was something I’d wanted to do for so long and to finally do it and have it be as amazing as I thought was just amazing. My crewlead saw me taking pictures in Washington along the Willapa bay and was just like “corps is a slippery slope. You either hate it or you get addicted to it.” Tragically I’m addicted to it. I can’t wait until next January and March to get back out there. It was such an amazing experience and I feel like I learned a lot of really good soft skills and really good hard skills. I can’t possibly explain to anyone the full extent of what this meant to me and all the fun I had but. This is a long post and I have to go replace my phone so this will be it for now. In the off chance anyone made it this far, thanks. 

[silverlightqueen]

Olympus - Jeon Jungkook

Hermes, God of boundaries, travel, communication, trade, language, thieves and writing, and Hemera, Goddess of day

(greekgod!au - Hermes!Jungkook x Hemera)

Summary - High up in the clouds of Mount Olympus, the tallest of its kind in the ancient country of Greece, live a community of the most powerful beings to exist on this Earth. Their communities are not unlike those that they watch over, those of the humans. A clear political, economic and social hierarchy exists between the beings, some ruling over the others, some more wealthy than the others, some more powerful than the others. Their lives are much like those of humans, all of them working and living in homes with their families, normal names, normal jobs, normal lives. Some could even be considered ordinary. But those that are considered ordinary… our stories do not focus on those. Our stories focus on those that are positively extraordinary, to say the least. Our stories focus on seven Gods and seven Goddesses, powerful and strong, learning the most basic and human thing to exist; love. 

Word Count: 5.7k+

a/n: finally part two !! I hope y’all like this, lmk what you think, hmu if you wanna be tagged in the next part, and make sure you read the first part before this one !! x

Disclaimer: This is no way accurate to Greek Mythology, so please don’t come in my asks correcting me lmao

Warnings: a lil bit of profanity I think and discussion of sex but no actual sex lol

Character List:

Kim Seokjin – Dionysus

Min Yoongi – Hades

Jung Hoseok – Hephaestus

Kim Namjoon – Apollo

Park Jimin – Poseidon

Kim Taehyung – Ares

Jeon Jungkook – Hermes 

Three weeks after Dionysus and Hestia’s wedding, and Olympus is back to usual, everyone working from dawn ‘til dusk every day. Dionysus has changed, it is clear to see, the God of chaos tamed and laidback, and Hestia has changed too, the Goddess of the hearth and home out and about much more. One morning, a particularly ordinary morning of a particularly out-of-the-ordinary day, the Gods of Olympus make their way to the biannual meeting, held by Zeus at the town hall. The seven Gods that our stories focus on walk up the long road to the town hall together, six out of the seven exhausted. Hermes, though, is positively energetic. ‘Herm, can you tone down the enthusiasm a bit? I’m getting tired just watching you,’ Hades complains. ‘What’s gotten into you recently? You’re never usually this bright and bubbly, you’re always worse than the rest of us in mornings,’ Apollo asks. ‘Are you getting laid?’ Ares enquires, and Hermes laughs. ‘No, I’m not, Ares,’ he replies with a roll of his eyes. ‘What is it then? Because something must have changed,’ Dionysus asks. ‘Nothing, really. I’ve just been getting more sleep, I guess,’ he replies as they reach the entrance of the town hall. They each sign their names in the signing-in book before heading into the main room, taking their usual seats in the front row. ‘How’s Tia?’ Poseidon asks Dionysus gently. ‘She’s good, she’s good. She usually comes with the girls, and I come with you lot, so we thought we’d continue on like that,’ Dionysus says, explaining why he and his wife aren’t together. Hestia arrives then with her six friends, sitting in the other half of the front row. They all wave to each other, close friends after the events of the wedding, before going back to their own conversations. 

Zeus appears on the stage then, his wife, Hera, stood beside him. Hera, the Goddess of marriage, officiated Dionysus and Hestia’s wedding, so he waves at her, getting a kind smile in return. ‘Good morning, Olympians. It’s been a fantastic half-year, and I’m sure we can keep this going for the rest of the year,’ Zeus begins, before droning on about different statistics over the year, very few in the room paying attention, especially our main characters in the front row who believe they’re above it all. The meeting ends eventually, everyone practically running to escape, but being in the front row means it’s not so easy to leave without being cornered by Zeus. ‘Hermes!’ Zeus’ voice booms from behind the group of men, Hermes groaning before turning with a smile. ‘Yes, your grace?’ he asks, polite as ever, burning on the inside. ‘I’m very impressed with the way you’ve been getting through your work during the past few weeks. I thought I’d check your workload for today before the meeting, and you have around twenty minutes work, max. Take the day off and do that work tomorrow,’ Zeus says, the other men’s eyes wide at his benevolence. Zeus wasn’t a dictator or tyrant, but he worked them all hard, so for him to give a day off is somewhat a big deal. ‘I… really?’ Hermes asks, lost for words, and Zeus nods, ‘You’ve earned it, my boy.’ ‘Thank you for your kindness, my grace,’ Hermes says, bowing his head. ‘Thank you for your hard work,’ Zeus replies before turning to his wife.

‘Has Hekate been up to something?’ Ares asks, looking around for the Goddess of magic. ‘I doubt it, don’t you remember the consequences last time she cast a spell on Zeus?’ Apollo says, thinking back to what happened to the poor girl. ‘How have you been getting through your work so fast, Herm? it doesn’t make sense,’ Dionysus asks Hermes, who shrugs. ‘Hasn’t anything changed?’ Hades asks, and Hermes ponders this for a moment as they head towards the exit. ‘I guess…’ he says, and the other men prompt him for a proper answer. ‘The days seem to last longer when I’m down on Earth, so I can get more done on one day than I normally would. And then night seems a little longer too, so it feels like I get more sleep,’ Hermes explains. Gods like Hermes, whose work focuses down on Earth, rarely spend more than a few days at a time on Olympus. Sometimes for weeks at a time, he’ll be down on Earth doing work. And for Gods, time works differently down on Earth. Where an hour has passed for humans, for Gods, it could be seconds, or days. Depending on the God of time, and the Goddesses of night and day. ‘That’s suspicious,’ Apollo says. ‘It’s just a coincidence,’ Hermes says, waving it off, and Dionysus laughs. ‘I doubt that, Herm. I have a feeling Nyx has something to do with it. She’s obviously dragging out the night, and making Hemera make the days longer too,’ he says. ‘Ooooh, does someone have a crush on our little Herm?’ Hephaestus teases, putting his arm around Hermes’ shoulder, the latter trying to push him off. ‘No, she doesn’t,’ he says, frowning.

‘Go speak to her, Herm. The girls are all at Tia’s; they’re having a girls’ day,’ Dionysus says, with a roll of his eyes. ‘Haven’t they, like, got work?’ Ares asks in annoyance. ‘None of them have urgent work like we do. Nyx and Hemera have schedules set in place for day and night. Athena only needs to work when there’s conflict. Nemesis works part time to cause conflict. Tia has schedules and spells set up already and only has to check on them every now and then. Demeter’s like Poll, only gets called up when needed by Zeus. It’s only Aphrodite that has to work every day like us, but apparently she’s been allowed to take a day off,’ Dionysus explains, and Ares rolls his eyes. ‘Zeus has always had a soft spot for A, it’s not fair,’ he complains. ‘Anyone with a brain would have a soft spot for A,’ Poseidon says, speaking for the first time. ‘Why’s that, P?’ Hades asks, all of the other men falling silent to listen. Poseidon doesn’t join their conversations very often, opting to stay quiet and listen, so when he does contribute, they all naturally want to know what he has to say. ‘Have you met her? Have you seen her face?’ Poseidon says matter-of-factly. ‘Have you seen her ass, more like?’ Ares jokes, laughing with Hephaestus and Hades. ‘Don’t be disrespectful,’ Apollo says, launching into a speech about not treating women like objects and Aphrodite being an amazing woman besides her looks and body. ‘Listen, Herm, speak to Nyx, find out what’s going on,’ Dionysus says to Hermes, who nods.

The group of friends split up as they exit the town hall, heading to their different workplaces, promising to meet at Dionysus and Hestia’s house after work. ‘Go now, Herm,’ Dionysus instructs over his shoulder, and Hermes nods, heading towards Hestia’s house. The walk there, he wonders what he’s going to say to Nyx, nervous about sounding like a fool. When he reaches the front door, he knocks tentatively, hearing female voices inside. The door flies open a few seconds later, Nemesis stood in the doorway. ‘Hey, it’s Herm. Come in,’ she says, moving aside to let him in. Hermes is definitely terrified of Nemesis; the girl may be much shorter than him, but her presence is twice the size. Her hair, falling to her waist in big, bouncy waves, is a bright red, and her face is always set in a determined look. The God steps in, Nemesis leading him through the living room, where the girls sit in comfy clothes, glasses of wine in hands, the fire roaring. ‘Hey, Herm,’ Hestia says with a smile, patting the empty seat beside her. ‘How did you guys get back so quickly? We left a little after you,’ Hermes says confused. ‘A has somehow managed to get her hands on some winged horses, so we flew back,’ Hestia explains as Hermes sits down, Aphrodite smiling at him angelically. Poseidon was right; she really is beautiful. Her long black hair falls to her waist and her tan skin is clear and smooth, her eyes round and dark, and her lips plump, almost always stretched into a smile, revealing pearly white teeth. But she’s intimidatingly beautiful, like one of those queen bees at high school. Always kind to the weird kids, popular and loved, everyone wants to be her or be with her. But obviously she isn’t the perfect angel everyone makes her out to be, Herm thinks, now that he knows she has a multitude of human lovers. Not that that’s anything to frown upon, of course. Just… not the norm.

‘What’s up, Herm? Why have we been blessed with your presence?’ Nemesis says sarcastically, leaning against the door frame. ‘Um, I actually came to speak to Nyx,’ he stutters, Nyx’s eyes widening in surprise. ‘Me?’ she asks, and he nods. ‘Um, okay. Come into the kitchen,’ she says, leading him through into the other room. ‘What’s up?’ she asks curiously, the volume suspiciously low in the living room. ‘Zeus praised me today, for having gotten so much work done in the past few weeks, and the boys were asking me how I did it. I said that the days were longer, so I had more time to do my work, and the nights were longer, so I was getting more sleep. Di said that you were probably the one doing so he made me come ask you why,’ Hermes explains, Nyx’s face becoming more and more amused by the moment. ‘Ah, Herm. How do I explain this? It’s not me doing it,’ she says, and Hermes becomes even more confused. ‘Who is then?’ he asks, and she raises an eyebrow. ‘Come on, you’re a clever boy. Work it out. If it’s not the Goddess of night…’ she trails off, and the sentence finishes itself in Hermes’ head. It’s the Goddess of day. ‘Hemera?’ he whispers, and Nyx nods with a small smile. Hemera hadn’t even crossed his mind; the small timid girl that hid behind her blonde hair all the time is not someone he would’ve ever guessed.

‘Why?’ he asks, and Nyx grins. ‘I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but the girl has a bit of a soft spot for you, if you know what I mean,’ she says. ‘Oh. Ohh,’ Hermes says, realising that Hemera has a crush on him. ‘What does she achieve from it though?’ he asks. ‘Nothing, Herm. It makes you happier, though, right? And I guess that’s what she wants,’ Nyx shrugs. ‘Oh. Do you think I should speak to her?’ he asks the girl. ‘Obviously, you idiot! The girl likes you, for God’s sake, of course you should speak to her,’ Nyx says exasperatedly. ‘What do I say?’ he asks, panicked. ‘You don’t have to ask her to marry you straight away, Herm! Just make general conversation, small talk, get to know her first, you moron,’ Nyx says, and Hermes nods, hanging on her every word. ‘Oh, and don’t do it in front of everyone because she’ll get super embarrassed and clam up. Do it when everyone else is talking between themselves, or involve her in a conversation with other people, okay?’ Nyx advises, Hermes making mental notes. ‘Come on,’ Nyx says, the two heading back into the living room. ‘Are you staying, Herm?’ Athena asks, her kind eyes on the God. ‘No, I should probably get going,’ Hermes says. ‘Do you have work today?’ Hestia asks, her eyes narrowed at him. ‘I… no, Zeus gave me the day off,’ he admits. ‘So, have you got plans?’ she asks, her eyes even narrower now. ‘Um, no, I don’t,’ he says, scratching his neck. ‘So, you’re staying then,’ she decides, and Hermes gives in, knowing there’s no point arguing against Hestia; she may be kind but she’s the most stubborn Goddess he’s met.

He sinks into the seat beside Hestia, instantly being handed a glass of wine, as the girls launch into gossiping about who’s doing what, or rather, who’s doing who. Hermes listens dutifully, getting caught up in the gossip himself, hanging on every word, gasping in all the right places. It’s almost as though he belongs there with the girls, the group of them speaking about almost everybody on Olympus through the course of the day, getting through bottles (upon bottles) of Dionysus’ wine, becoming more and more relaxed. Until they begin speaking about relationships. ‘I just don’t know what to do anymore,’ Aphrodite slurs, having had more wine than the rest of them put together. If Hermes had had the same amount of wine she’d had, he’s sure he’d have passed out around an hour ago. ‘It’s just not fair. I’m the Goddess of love, and I’ve never even been in love myself! It’s like I’m destined to just be a matchmaker, nothing more. No one’s even ever loved me!’ she wails, eyes beginning to water, and Hermes becomes alarmed at the thought that she might start crying.

‘Aphrodite, you are kidding, right?’ Hermes asks without even thinking, the group turning to look at him. ‘What do you mean?’ she sniffs, still looking ethereal despite the tears dripping down her face. ‘I think at least 90% of the Gods on Olympus have been in love with you. And even some Goddesses,’ Hermes says. ‘But they don’t love me! They just think I’m pretty! They don’t care about what’s beneath! No one’s ever loved me for me! Do you know how that makes me feel? So inadequate, and never good enough! They just want to get me into bed, so they can say they’ve slept with me! That’s it! And even then, they probably won’t be able to fulfil my needs!’ she wails, Hermes’ cheeks being tinged with red at the mention of Aphrodite’s needs not being fulfilled. ‘Okay, A, that’s enough wine for you, babe,’ Hestia says gently, taking the glass from the other Goddess’ hand. ‘Who do you know that’s been in love with her?’ Hemera asks Hermes, speaking to the God directly for the first time as the others comfort Aphrodite. ‘I… um… well, I’m pretty sure Ares had the biggest crush on her, for years. Apollo did, too. And I think Hephaestus as well. Just look at Zeus! He has the biggest soft spot for her! If he weren’t married, I think he would’ve tried to get with her by now,’ Hermes says, opting not to mention his own crush on the Goddess a long while ago. ‘He already has,’ Hemera says dryly, Hermes laughing at the girl’s bluntness.

‘See, that’s the worst thing; we can’t even comfort her, and tell her it’s not true, because it is. She’s right. No one has ever loved her for her. They’ve only ever loved her for her appearance, and for the reputation that comes along with her being the Goddess of love. It’s hard for us to see her go through this,’ Hemera says, Hermes watching the Goddess with interest as she speaks. Hemera has always been timid and quiet, but watching her speak about her friend, the confidence and conviction comes out. She clearly feels strongly about Aphrodite’s situation, as her passion comes through in her words. The hard set of her jaw and the way her small hands run through her bright blonde hair makes his heart contract, realising with a jolt how gorgeous she is, the fire in her blue eyes beautiful. ‘She’ll find someone, some day. If she can’t, where’s the hope for the rest of us? I’m absolutely doomed if she can’t,’ Hermes jokes, Hemera not really laughing along with him. ‘Don’t be silly, Hermes. There’s plenty of Goddesses out there who find you attractive,’ Hemera says stiffly, Hermes becoming embarrassed.

He’s suddenly aware of a pair of eyes on him, and looks around to see Aphrodite watching him keenly, her eyes narrowed with a small grin on her lips. The other Goddesses are still trying to give her a pep talk, but Aphrodite looks much better now, smiling at the God slyly. Her eyes flit to Hemera before meeting his again, her smile growing slightly before she juts out her chin. Hermes suddenly feels a wave of confidence hit him, and he turns back to Hemera, saying the first thing that comes into his head; ‘Are you one of them?’ He’s taken aback at his own brazenness, the low confidence and arrogance in his voice nothing he’d ever heard before. But Hemera’s reaction, a slight blush appearing on her small face, fingers beginning to twirl her hair, eggs him on further. ‘Because I’ll be ecstatic if you are. Nyx told me you’ve been making the days longer, and asking her to lengthen the nights whilst I’m on earth, and I really appreciate that. Maybe you can make the days even longer for me, so I have time to come back and see you sometimes,’ he says, not even realising that these words he was speaking had been thoughts, but as they come out, he realises they were. That he’d been thinking them as he’d watched Hemera throughout the day, realising that maybe he has a little crush on her too. ‘I… why?’ she asks timidly, and he smiles gently. ‘Because you’re really quite beautiful, Hemera, both inside and out, and it’d make me the happiest God on Olympus if you agreed to let me take you on a date one night,’ he says, and her mouth drops open. Hermes suddenly realises that the room is silent, the other six Goddesses in the room staring at them, and Nemesis finally breaks the silence. ‘Did you just ask her out?’ she demands, and Hermes nods confidently. ‘About time,’ Nyx huffs, Hemera still staring at the God. ‘Is that a yes, Hemera?’ Hestia prompts. ‘Yes! Yes, it is. I’d love to,’ Hemera stutters nervously, the other Goddesses cheering.

They hear a knock at the door then, all looking up out of the window to realise that it’s dark, and they’d been gossiping all day. Hestia waves her hand and the front door clicks open, Dionysus’ jovial voice booming through the house. Seconds later, the six Gods troop through the door, taking seats around the room. Ares sits as far away from Athena as possible, the Goddess regarding him with an amused grin. Dionysus makes a beeline for the floor beside Hestia’s seat, resting his head against her knee as one hand of hers comes to rest on his shoulder. Apollo also makes a beeline, but for Demeter, the two instantly beginning to speak about work. Hades takes a seat beside Ares, he and Nemesis eyeing each other with frowns. Hephaestus takes the seat beside Hermes, trying to avoid Nyx’s watchful gaze. Poseidon stands beside the door, leaning against the doorframe broodily, no seats left for him. Loud conversations break out, Hephaestus asking Hermes how his day was, but the God is completely unfocused, thinking about the events that had just occurred. Only when he spots Aphrodite’s inky locks disappearing around the corner does he excuse himself, following her into the garden.

‘Aphrodite!’ he calls into the darkness, the Goddess stopping in her tracks, and walking back towards him with a small grin. ‘What did you do?’ he demands, fists balled up at his sides. ‘What do you mean?’ she asks amusedly, her raised eyebrow and crossed arms making her look more like the high school queen bee than ever. ‘What was that spell you cast on me? Making me ask Hemera out like that?’ he asks. ‘I didn’t cast a spell on you. I read your mind and then gave you the confidence to do what you wanted to do,’ she smiles serenely, Hermes being caught at a loss for words. ‘Wait, what? You can do that?’ he asks. ‘Yes, I can, Herm. I’ve known for a while that you’ve had a bit of thing for Hemera, ever since you saw her at the wedding, even if you didn’t know it yourself, and I knew that she had a thing for you, so I made what you both wanted to happen, happen,’ she says matter-of-factly. ‘Oh, right,’ Hermes says, slightly embarrassed. ‘So you should really be thanking me,’ she says with a grin, and he begins to stutter out his gratitude. ‘I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Just remember, I only ever want to make people happy, okay? Tenfold for my friends. So if I ever do anything, I do it to make you happy,’ Aphrodite smiles, a slight sadness to her tone, before turning away. That’s when he spots a flash of blue hair at the bottom of the garden but, before he registers it, he hears a cough behind him. He turns to see Hemera stood there, the Goddess smiling. ‘So,’ she asks, ‘when’s our date?’ 

-

‘You can open your eyes in 3… 2… 1… now!’ Hermes says, Hemera instantly opening her eyes. She gasps instinctively, looking around in wonder. ‘Oh, my God,’ she whispers. ‘Do you like it?’ he asks shyly. ‘I… I love it, Herm. It’s beautiful,’ she replies, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Hermes and Hemera had already been on two dates, those both on Olympus, and they’d got on like a house on fire. The hours had flown by, and the two had been counting down the time until they could see each other again. For this date, Hermes had decided he wanted to surprise Hemera. He decided to take her down to Earth for the first time. Deciding not to show her the stereotypical tourist places like Paris or Venice or Tokyo, or the popular picturesque places like the northern lights in Iceland, or the fjords in Norway, or the Niagara Falls in Canada, he took her to a place he’d stumbled across once. ‘These are the Rainbow Mountains of Zhangye Danxia, in China,’ he says with a small smile, watching as Hemera’s eyes scan the colourful peaks with vigour. ‘I thought I’d take you somewhere unique for your first time on Earth. Somewhere unique, like you,’ he says embarrassedly, scratching the back of his neck, and Hemera meets his eyes with a small smile. She pulls him up against her, and tilts her head up, closing her eyes. Hermes gets the message and gently presses his lips against her. Within seconds, their hands are roaming over one another, mouths passionately moving against each other.

Hemera breaks away after a few minutes, both of them breathing heavily. Looking at him, Hemera realises that she’s ready. She’s ready to let him in, more than she’d ever let anyone in before. ‘Are we going back to Olympus after?’ she asks, and Hermes shakes his head with a smile. ‘I found us a beautiful house to stay in, in the woods. I think it’s some sort of place that can be hired, but no one’s there at the moment, so…’ Hermes trails off, Hemera nodding. ‘Is there, um, any chance we can go there first? And then come back here tomorrow?’ Hemera asks, and Hermes looks at her in confusion. ‘Do you not like it?’ he asks. ‘It’s, um, it’s not that, Hermes,’ she says, waiting for him to understand, thinking he’ll be embarrassed once he does. But the smirk that spreads across his face surprises her. ‘Why do you want to go then?’ he asks, tongue rolling in his cheek amusedly, and Hemera looks up at him in embarrassment. ‘You know why,’ she says, blushing, and Hermes pulls her up against him. ‘I want to hear you say it, babe,’ he says lowly, looking down at her with a smirk, and Hemera blushes again. ‘I… I want you, Herm,’ she says quietly, Hermes’ eyes darkening at her words. Their surroundings change instantly, a result of Hermes’ powers, the two suddenly stood in the middle of a big rustic bedroom, one wall windows revealing the darkening woods outside. He regards her with a dark and lustful gaze, Hemera’s eyes wide and innocent as he speaks; ‘That’s all I needed to hear.’ 

-

‘Sit your ass down and tell us everything,’ Nyx commands the second Hemera walks into the living room of Dionysus and Hestia’s house. The Goddess of day takes a seat between Demeter and Nyx, all of the other Goddesses watching her intently. ‘It was amazing. I never knew Earth was that beautiful,’ Hemera says, and Nemesis huffs impatiently. ‘We can talk about the boring humans and their boring Earth after. I wanna hear the juicy details about little Herm,’ she says, Demeter and Athena rolling their eyes, Hestia looking amused as Nyx nods in agreement with Nemesis. Aphrodite sits in the corner with a smug, knowing look on her face, grinning at Hemera. ‘I had a really good time with him. I really like him, a lot.’ ‘Did you guys… do anything?’ Nyx asks, wiggling her eyebrows at Hemera, who promptly blushes. ‘Oh, my God, you did!’ Nemesis exclaims. ‘We don’t have any virgins in the friendship group anymore!’ Athena exclaims, just as Dionysus steps into the room. ‘Did not need to hear that. Pretending I didn’t hear that. Going to the bar with the boys. Goodbye,’ he says, promptly leaving without looking at any of the girls. ‘Was he any good?’ Hestia asks, getting caught up in the gossip too. ‘Well, it’s not like I have any experience to compare him with but, yeah, I think so. It… it felt good,’ Hemera stammers out, the other girls squealing save for the love Goddess.

‘Aphrodite, you’re awfully quiet,’ Demeter observes, and the girl grins. ‘You guys do know that I already knew this was going to happen? I knew about Hestia and Di, and I knew about this. I know about what’s going to happen to all of you. And, no, don’t even bother asking me what, because I can’t tell you or it won’t happen,’ she says, the revelation a shock to the other girls. ‘Why did we not know that you know the fate of our love lives?’ Nemesis demands, and the girl shrugs elegantly. ‘It never came up in conversation. That’s my job. I know what’s going to happen to everyone’s love lives, and I just help to speed things up. I’m a catalyst,’ she says, the girls listening attentively. ‘So you know how we’re all going to end up?’ Nyx asks, and Aphrodite nods. ‘I know all the boys’ fates too. Except Poseidon. He’s hard to read. But anyway, that’s why I’m so quiet. I knew all this was gonna happen. I knew exactly what Hemera and Hermes were gonna get up to in that house in the woods,’ she says with a knowing smirk, Hemera burying her head in her hands as the other girls shriek.

‘Why is it I always walk in on you all screaming?’ Hephaestus says as he enters the room, the other boys behind him. ‘We’re just excited to see you,’ Nyx says with a grin shot his way, the God grumbling under his breath as he takes a seat beside Hestia. ‘What happened to the bar?’ Hestia asks as Dionysus pulls her up from her seat, and sits down in it, pulling her back down into his lap. ‘Ares started to a fight,’ Apollo says as he squishes into the armchair with Nemesis who complains, but makes space for him anyway. ‘Seriously? You were there for, what, five minutes?’ Athena says, and Ares scowls at her. Hades throws himself down onto the floor beside Athena as Ares squashes up between Nyx and Hemera. ‘Guess I’m better at war and conflict than you are,’ he says, Dionysus shushing him before a fight begins. Poseidon loiters at the door as he always does, and Hermes loiters there beside him. ‘Come sit, Herm,’ Ares says with a sly grin, and Hermes dithers. ‘Where?’ Hemera looks over to Aphrodite who sits quietly in the corner, observing the scene, and the girl juts her chin out to the Goddess of day, who promptly stands up, despite not recalling wanting to do so. ‘You can sit here,’ Hemera says, Hermes turning slightly red in the face. ‘Where will you sit?’ he asks, and she laughs. ‘Well, on your lap. If you don’t mind,’ she says, and Aphrodite interferes once more, Hermes smirking. ‘I don’t mind at all,’ he replies, everyone, even Poseidon, looking shocked at the exchange. Hermes sits down between Demeter and Ares, and Hemera sits on his lap, leaning back into his chest.

‘Well, I’m guessing you two enjoyed your little trip to Earth,’ Apollo says amusedly, and a laugh ripples around the group. ‘Maybe we should look into a little holiday,’ Dionysus says to Hestia who nods in agreement. ‘Yeah, you definitely should. I know some great places on Earth you can go,’ Hermes says, Hemera nodding. ‘It’s true. He took me to this amazing place,’ she begins, but is cut off by Ares. ‘Let me guess; Paris?’ he says, and she shakes her head. ‘Venice?’ Hephaestus asks, and she shakes her head again. Everyone begins guessing at this point, naming all the romantic places on Earth they’ve heard of. ‘Santorini?’ ‘Hawaii?’ ‘Bruges?’ ‘Bora Bora?’ ‘The Maldives?’ ‘The Amalfi Coast?’ As the room is distracted listening to Hemera explaining where they went, Dionysus turns to speak to Poseidon. ‘Sit down, P, have a drink or something,’ he suggests quietly, but the blue-haired man shakes his head. ‘I should head home. I’ve got a long way to go,’ he says, just as Hemera finishes speaking.

‘That sounds amazing, Hemera,’ Poseidon says, obviously not wanting to take the attention from the newest couple in the group. ‘Don’t try to change the subject, P. We’ve been telling you to move to Olympus permanently for ages now. Why don’t you just do it? It’d save you all the hassle,’ Hermes says, and Poseidon shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes. He looks like he wants the floor to swallow him up, hating being the centre of attention. ‘I have to be near the sea, you know that,’ he says quietly. ‘Doesn’t mean you have to live in it, miles and miles away from the rest of us, P. You know Olympus is short journey from the nearest ocean on Earth,’ Apollo says, and Poseidon shakes his head again. ‘I have a castle there now. I can’t just abandon it. And I like it there. It’s my home,’ he says, Ares scoffing. ‘Bullshit. You just like living where you can get to all those nymphs easily, without any of us seeing,’ Ares says, tension quickly descending on the room. Poseidon’s face sets with anger, but he doesn’t say anything, opting to turn and leave the room instead, and the Gods and Goddesses can hear the sound of the front door opening and closing a few seconds later. ‘Good job, Ares,’ Apollo says angrily, Ares shrugging with a roll of his eyes, though the guilt in his face is plain. ‘Go after him, Di. Or Hades,’ Nemesis prompts, but Dionysus shakes his head. ‘Aphrodite, you should go,’ Dionysus says, Aphrodite looking startled, and the boys only just notice her sat in quietly in the corner.

‘Me?’ she asks. ‘Yeah. You’re good at things like this,’ Dionysus says, and they all know it’s true; she’s definitely the mother figure of the group, the mediator in moments like this. ‘And it doesn’t hurt to see a pretty face when you’re angry,’ Hestia says, a laugh running around the room. ‘I’ll go in that case,’ Hades says, prompting more laughter as Aphrodite rises from her seat and leaves, going after Poseidon. The conversation soon moves back to Hermes and Hemera, Poseidon and Ares’ little argument completely forgotten about. ‘So are you guys dating now?’ Nyx asks, and Hemera and Hermes exchange a glance. ‘We haven’t actually discussed it,’ Hemera says, eyes still locked with Hermes’. ‘But we can discuss it now. Do you wanna be my girlfriend?’ Hermes asks, a shock running through Hemera at the words. She looks into his big brown doe eyes, shining like the stars, and he smiles his endearing little bunny smile, his face crinkling adorably. ‘I’d love to,’ she replies, their friends all bursting into cheers. ‘God, I really need a man,’ Nemesis says a few moments later, everyone bursting into laughter. ‘What about Tartarus?’ Hephaestus suggests, more laughter rippling around the room. ‘Oh, yeah, the God of the pits of the underworld seems like a right laugh,’ she says sarcastically, and Hemera takes the chance to go after Aphrodite whilst everyone’s distracted, quickly whispering where she’s going to Hermes before she sneaks off.

When she steps outside, she’s surprised to see that the sky is dark, time having gone extremely fast since she arrived. Poseidon is sat atop his winged horse at the bottom of their front garden and Aphrodite stands beside him, the two speaking in hushed tones. Poseidon is visibly more relaxed, and looks as though he is about to crack a smile before he spots Hemera. Aphrodite follows his gaze and instantly heads up the front garden path. ‘Hey, Hemera, you okay?’ Aphrodite asks, and Hemera nods. ‘I just… wanted to ask what you did to me,’ she says, and Aphrodite smiles. ‘You needed a prompt to do what you wanted to do. I gave you that prompt. Now go back inside and join your lover boy,’ she says, still smiling, but Hemera can’t help but focus on her eyes, and the sadness that seems to be in them. ‘It’s cold out here. Make sure you guys come back in soon,’ Hemera says, and Aphrodite nods. ‘Um, we’ll be inside in a few,’ she says, and Hemera goes to enter the house once more before she stops. ‘Are you okay, A? You don’t seem yourself,’ she says, and the Goddess of love smiles an inexplicably sad smile. ‘Don’t you worry about me, I’m fine. Now go, be happy,’ she says, shooing Hemera back inside, and Hemera shuts the door beside her. Her heart nearly breaks when she spies through the peephole and sees the smile slide from Aphrodite’s face, her eyes filling with tears.

[thesuitelifeofjughead]

Riverdale Rewatch Review - Season One

Hey guys! So, as everyone knows, there’s like, this big thing happening in the world right now causing everyone to have to stay inside and a lot of people have way more free time on their hands than they know what to do with. I am one of those people. After I finish my schoolwork I find that barely even half a day has passed. What do I fill that time with? Animal Crossing. But also, watching Netflix. 

I’ve wanted to rewatch Riverdale for the longest time, and I figure that now is the best time to do it. 

So, the way this will work, I’ll give my overall thoughts and review of the season, my favorite episodes, and then I’m going to give you a play-by-play of my thoughts while rewatching each episode under the break. So, without further ado:

Overall Review

Looking at the bigger picture of everything I know Riverdale has come to be, I think the statement stands true that Season One is one of their strongest season, if not their actual strongest (Season Four has been climbing up there for me in fav seasons). 

Watching it all together, the drama seemed evenly paced, and everyone seemed to get the same amount of screen time, including characters we barely see anymore like Kevin and Reggie. There are some interesting shots, and I found myself jammin to some of the songs they had the characters sing as well as the background music. 

It was clear that they had a plan, and they knew where they were going. Hints of relationships happened WAY before they became official, and it seemed like everyone was on the same page, which is difficult to say for later seasons (which I will also be making reviews on shortly). 

For only having 13 episodes, Riverdale did an excellent job in it’s first season hooking everyone in to the drama and the mystery, including me. I believe it was after the second or third episode when this blog was created, and I’ve been here ever since. This season is responsible for why a lot of fans stuck around, and for why a lot of fans left. 

Overall, I would say it had amazing storytelling, character development, cinematic techniques, and everything else you could think of. My final rating would be a 10/10. Even if you don’t like later seasons, you can’t deny this one was really good, and had a lot of classic Riverdale moments -insert gif of Jughead saying “I’m a weirdo” here bc I tried to find it but couldn’t-. 

My personal favorite episodes: Episode 6, Episode 10, Episode 13

Rewatch Thoughts

Episode 1: 

It’s so clear right from the start that Veronica likes Archie oh my god

I love Betty Cooper dance parties and I want more of them

Wow I hate Alice from the very beginning

Fred Andrews was the best parent on Riverdale from the very beginning. Period.

Maybe the show is more consistent than I thought. Archie was dumb since season one episode one for lying to his dad. 

Veronica was so supportive of Betty and Archie we stan a supportive friend

Oh my god did we all collectively forget that Archie dated a freaking TEACHER?!

JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS MY HEART I love and miss them 

Jughead was such a broody lil boy wasn’t he oh my gosh Betty really did change him for the better didn’t she

“Whatever happened with Betty, just talk to her. It’ll go a long way” We stan a king who wants open communication from the beginning yas Jughead

Episode Rating: 8/10

Episode 2: 

God, the teacher is so manipulative

Oh god i’m gonna have to relive the dark Betty arc aren’t I

This rewatch is just gonna further my love for Jughead. He was the smartest one since day one

WAIT i completely forgot they changed Reggie’s actor oh my goodness

Episode Rating: 5/10

Episode 3: 

there was a mention of Greendale in the VERY FIRST SEASON 

The only good thing Penelope Blossom ever did was punch Alice Cooper and that’s that on that

I love the early journalism relationship between Betty and Jughead

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 4:

Ya’ll I miss jughead narrating at the beginning and end of every episode

THE TWILIGHT DRIVE IN. I MADE SO MANY FANFICTIONS SET THERE AWH

Jug was so upset over the drive in my HEART. Jughead had a JOB. Am I the only one who forgot that? 

He called her Betts and she called him Juggy their already in a relationship let’s face it. 

“It’s like my home” AWH JUG IT WAS HIS HOME MY HEART

Ya’ll remember how INSANE the reveal of Jughead’s dad was?

Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 5:

Why would he have to run away from mommy and daddy? BECAUSE DADDY DID IT JUG YOURE SO SMART

Everyone was so SHADY in season one 

THE FREAKING SNAKE IN THE BOX

This was the episode with Jughead’s stupid cute smile in his stupid cute hat and stupid cute tux my heart

Remember when Fred and Hermione had that thing? Yeah me neither I hate it

Episode Rating: 8/10

Episode 6:

Wow makes sense that Polly joined a cult, she’s so fragile from everything that’s happened to her 

I love the early music in this show

Betty straight up asks Hal if he killed Jason Blossom. OMG Alice goes “You think he has the stomach or that?” UHM hate to break it to ya but your dad is,,, oof

ITS THE HEY JULIET EPISODE AWH

WAIT THAT MEANS

The little “also” and his voice cracks I’m

FIRST BUGHEAD KISS FIRST BUGHEAD KISS

“In the middle of our moment” ICONIC

Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 7:

the episode in which we find out Jughead is living in the school

“Don’t tell Betty” they’re already so in love I swear

Jughead walking Betty home is literally the softest thing

The farm was a part of the plot from SEASON ONE oh my god

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 8:

I’m p sure this is just a filler episode

Oh wait it’s the reveal to Archie and Fred that FP is a serpent

WAIT ITS THE BABY SHOWER SCENE

“It’s totally on my bucket list” we don’t deserve Jughead

the LOOKS Archie got when he walked into that baby shower

Can you believe how normal it became to be a part of the serpents? And in the beginning it was such a big deal? Like Arch, hate to break it to you, you become an honorary serpent one day

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 9:

Riverdale season one really be hitting different. It’s so,, innocent lol, and that’s sayin something 

The Blossoms are a cult all their own I’m just sayin

“That was a joke, you hobo” ICONIC

Otherwise known as the episode where Alice throws a rock at a window

The parents really do be acting like teenagers tho

ALSO known as the episode where Veronica rips of her pearls

YOOO remember when Cheryl kissed Archie? That was a moment

Episode Rating: 9/10

Episode 10:

oh my god this is the birthday episode isn’t it

OH NO

lmao Ronnie was Tik Tok dancing before it was cool huh

The movie part of the party was so pure awh

oh god the creepy birthday song

i hate it

I HATE ITTTT

Cheryl arrives to mess shit UP

We love that Bughead took this as a learning experience and Jughead has never had a birthday party since

“In CaSe YoU HaVeN’t NoTiCEd, I’m WeiRd. I’m A weiRDo. I DoN’t FiT iN aNd I DoN’t WaNnA FiT in. HAvE YoU eVeR SeeN mE WiThOuT ThiS HaT oN? THAT’S WEIRD.”

Jughead was so opposed to letting her in my heart

Just let her love you Jug

Dilton’s actor also changed and we just,, let it slide? oof my guys

THE PUNCH. he DEFENDS his WOMAN

the first sign of FP bein a good dad, telling Jughead not to run away from Betty. We stan a father who’s basically responsible for Bughead.

The reveal that Alice lived on the south side was also in this episode. 

THE FIRST TIME JUG TOOK OFF HIS BEANIE

their first heart to heart ya’ll I love them

This is the softest scene point blank period

When I said I hated it before? Yeah I lied I love this episode

The episode where Archie and Ronnie also officially got togther kinda?? Wow so much happened this episode

Episode Rating: 10/10

Episode 11:

Hail our fair RIVERDALLEEEE

YOOO you remember when FP literally was an accomplice to MURDER and then they let him become sheriff? Man, what a time

Ya’ll why did they hurt Jughead so much in the first season my heart

Yo THIS is why they have such good communication in later seasons

he’s being FRAMED

Episode Rating: 7/10

Episode 12:

oh my goodness the tollbooth scene 

OW

The second time his beanie is off

he looks so SAD ouch

He just stood there and TOOK Cheryl’s punches someone save my poor boy

THE REVEAL THAT THE BLOSSOMS AND COOPERS ARE RELATED AH

They watched the videooooo

Episode Rating: 9/10

Episode 13:

The camera work around this table is really interesting. It’s literally circling them at the lunch table. SPEAKING OF LUNCH TABLES, why haven’t we seen them eating lunch at school for like two seasons lol 

“I’m with Jughead now”

God Penelope Blossom is so melodramatic

Can i just say thank GOD Fred never sold Andrew’s Construction

Oh my god the locker scene. The way he cups her cheek and takes her away

Jughead going to South Side High without telling anyone I’m

Cheryl on the ice

Remember when KJ literally broke his arm bc of the dedication to this scene

BURN THE HOUSE TO THE GROUND

the I love you scene my hEART

His beanie is off and the way he says I love you I”M CRYING

Oh god this song

I made so many fanfictions about this freaking scene with the jacket I’m

We all thought it was so BAD to be a serpent and yet they all literally become one over the next two seasons I’m. the fandom had NO IDEA

“Juggy”

The looks they give each other I’m laughing

Cheryl starring into the FLAMES

OH MY GOD WAIT THIS CLIFFHANGER IS SO MUCH MORE SAD NOW NOOOOO. This didn’t age well I’m.

HE SHOOK HIS HEAD HE WAS PROTECTING ARCHIE

But also,, Black Hood Intro? Oof.

Episode Rating: 10/10

-

If you got this far, thank you for reading my rambles! Season Two rewatch is up next!

[neuxue]

(Part the 1st)Now that you are in the Chapter 50-52 bubble, I wanted to share something. I've messaged you before about how your continuous comparisons of Rand and Egwene's arcs helped/caused me to see the depth and complexity of their relationship, and the way in which Egwene acts as Rand's counterweight in the series, providing the a balance to the Dragon Reborn in a series that is, at its heart, about how vitally important balance between forces is (at least within a strict binary system).

(Part the 2nd) In light of that I wanted to add that I had previously been a little dubious of your theory that Lew’s Theron’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level. But I was recently rereading earlier sections as part of another read along (it covers 1-2 chapters a week and is in the TSR, who will finish first? :P lmao). But I noticedin the lead-up to the battle outside of Cairhein against the Shaido, there are SEVERAL instances of Rand just suddenly *having* memories or knowledge from LTT… and at this stage there was no voice at all. The voice doesn’t appear until AFTER Rand nearly runs himself to exhaustion in that battle. And it’s presented so faux casually (as in, it’s a big deal and it’s pointed out, but within the context of us seeing the beginning of Rand experiencing the Taint. Much like the Joker’sline in The Dark Knight about people being ok as long as events are following “The Plan” even if The Plan is horrific. We are expecting to see Rand loosing it, so we don’t really over analyze it when it happens) if I had not been primed by reading your analysis from that perspective, I probably would have just KEPT reading and not noticed, so once again; thank you for this blog and for adding ever more depth and meat to this series for me!

Yeah, I do talk about this one a lot. I’m glad it works for you!

And in my defence, it’s because most of the time I’m trying to work out what’s going on, as new information comes in and things change. Because it’s definitely taken me a while to figure out what’s happening – and I could very well be wrong! This is one where I think there’s a whole lot of space for different reader interpretations, depending on what makes sense to you (and, honestly, on what feels more satisfying to you; I often feel like explanations of a character’s internal landscape or mentality or psychology work better when they’re left a bit open to interpretation).

Your description of it as a “theory that Lews Therin’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level” is interesting because I never really thought of it in those terms; this is partly no doubt because I’ve been trying to work it out as the story unfolds, but also because I think the very nature of the whole…situation in Rand’s head also changes as time goes on. But I suppose you’re right; that is sort of where I’ve eventually ended up.

That is to say, yes, I think at this point in time, what is portrayed as Lews Therin’s voice is not an accurate representation of Lews Therin Telamon as he was in life, and is more something Rand has – inadvertently and more or less subconsciously – created, as a way of dealing with something that probably absolutely no one is actually equipped to deal with.

But I think initially it was much closer to a manifestation of Lews Therin’s actual personality and thoughts, as they might have been if he were there to experience what Rand does. And in between then and now, we see a transition.

It’s something I definitely want to focus on more closely in a reread, because again, my own understanding and interpretation of what’s going on has changed so much as the story progresses, so I think it’ll be different looking at it from the perspective of having seen the whole thing.

That said, I see it as progressing something like this:

We start with not even a voice, but just occasional things Rand seems to know, or remember, or be able to do, that he has no business knowing in this lifetime. It’s like that barrier between lifetimes has been thinned and torn, and then things start to slip through. It’s hardly even noticeable at first.

Until it is, and we move into the beginning of an identity crisis, with Rand occasionally responding to Lews Therin’s name and not his own, or not even realising when he’s saying something that comes from Lews Therin’s lifetime/memories rather than his present one. Because he has all this extra stuff in his head, and right now it’s not compartmentalised at all, so he starts to get a bit lost in it, or inundated by it, and he doesn’t have a way of anchoring himself against it (because what is himself?)

Then it starts to become not just memories and thoughts, but an actual voice. Initially, like I said, I do think this is probably very close to how Lews Therin himself would have sounded; lines like ‘I would burn the world and use my soul for tinder to hear her laugh again’ certainly seem like something that would come from Lews Therin Telamon. But that’s part of the same extended scene where we get ‘for a moment, he could not remember his name’. This is the barrier actually starting to dissolve in places, and Rand is no longer ignorant of what’s happening but is terrified by it (and as a reader, I was as well! I’m a proponent of reunification now, but at the time? Yeah, watching your protagonist forget his own name seemed like a sign that All Is Not Well), and – crucially – has no real coping mechanisms for it yet.

That is, I think, where we start to see a transition from a clear distinction between Lews Therin Telamon and Rand al'Thor (perhaps ironically, as I think a lot of what happens next is because Rand’s afraid of losing himself). Rand asserts his own identity in TFoH (it’s a major part of the climactic battle, even), and in doing so he more consciously sets up this distinction between himself and Lews Therin.

Despite that, though, the barrier between lifetimes is eroding (this, I think, is the taint madness…I personally headcanon this as being the same for all saidin users, but people react to it differently and it manifests differently in each of them), so more of Lews Therin’s memories and knowledge and even personality are there, accessible, in Rand’s head.

So I read it as Rand…creating his own barrier, in place of the one that’s falling apart, in order to hold on to what he defines as himself. It’s a self-vs-other kind of divide he sets up…but this time he’s the one defining it, which means we see it manifest a little differently than the one the Pattern put there for good reason.

From about…oh, Lord of Chaos onwards, we get what I see as a gradual transition from Rand al'Thor 100% on one side of that barrier and Lews Therin Telamon 100% on the other side to…a barrier being there, but a mixing on either side of elements from each…personality? Lifetime?

Because Rand starts using the voice as a tool, as something he can point to and say ‘that is a madman; I am sane’, or as a source of knowledge, or as a touchstone of sorts, or as someone to bounce ideas off of, or – I think – something he can contrast himself with. Like a mirror he can look into, not to see what he is but to see what he is not (what he refuses to be).

And it’s this last one that’s crucial, because this is what I think causes a lot of the shift in the first place. Rand knows he is Lews Therin Telamon reborn. Rand knows what Lews Therin Telamon did. And above almost anything else, Rand is terrified of doing the same. So we see him deliberately setting anything that falls under ‘not myself’ or 'madness’ or 'killing everyone you love’ in contrast with himself; he uses it as a way to set some of those thresholds (that he later crosses), to set himself up as distinct from all the things he refuses to be. He needs to see them as separate entities in order to hold to a) his identity, b) his sanity, and c) his hope of…not a second chance, exactly, but of not repeating Lews Therin’s fate. His autonomy, I suppose.

But then we start to see that shift, as well, because now it’s no longer the actual barrier between lifetimes that seems to exist (and for good fucking reason) in everyone, if this is a world in which everyone is someone reborn but no one remembers their past lives; but is instead a replacement barrier. A barrier Rand has made for himself, in order to keep his identity and sanity and autonomy safe.

Because ultimately here’s the thing: Rand and Lews Therin aren’t separate, really. Rand is Lews Therin reborn, so it’s the same…person? Soul? Entity? Whatever you want to call it, but with two distinct lifetimes and thus sets of experiences. It’s just that the files have been corrupted and there’s this weird bleedthrough, so the separation isn’t working the way it should, and everything we see next is Rand trying to, essentially, figure out from this mess of two lifetimes who he is (and who he wants to be). Does that mean shutting one entire lifetime away? But what if some of it is useful? Maybe some of who he is now is anathema to him, given what he has to do, so maybe it’s better if that gets shut away. Maybe he should take some of that old knowledge, maybe he should recombine some things (maybe he should learn from his past, both successes and mistakes, so that he can take this as a true second chance). But to go from zero to just accepting the whole thing is uh…unrealistic at best, so instead we see Rand struggling with it, and the situation evolving as a result of that.

And yes, I think a lot of this comes from how everything is presented in the story, and how it unfolds, and how we’re primed to interpret it. It’s one of my favourite aspects of Rand’s character and arc, honestly, and is definitely something I intend to spend some more time on during a reread or post-series.

[turianghoultrashh]

Deacon Theory / What Ever Happened to “Luis Rosa”?

This is a SUPER long post but I hope you find the information interesting!

I originally made this post a year or so ago but I took it down when I was going through a bad time. It may read a bit weird as the post was updated many times before being taken down...So I hope its not too all over the place :’)

Please read through it in mind that - This is just a bit of fun and not what I actually believe despite how interesting it got for me. Thank you.

Thoughts and additions are welcome!! <3

I decided that I was going to use this play through to HUNT...yes HUNT Deacon down and try and find SOMETHING to do with where he came from..who he is..why the FUCK is he so interested in Sole and why does he follow us all throughout the story (all the disguises like in Goodneighbor, Diamond City)...etc!

I’m just going to dive right in. This is gonna be mega long guys...I’ve been trying my hardest to debunk myself as a little project...so I hope its worth it at the end :)

So as I mentioned in a previous post...I found some spots (here) where Deacon was clearly watching over Sole. If you then go on to read the Railroad Terminal Entries from the previous Leaders’ journals. (from the start with Wyatt till the end of the most recent one with Des for info on Deacon)...you see that Deacon clearly knew about Sole getting out of the Vault and had been keeping an eye out..missing from the Railroad for almost a year while he waited. (Not to mention he’s been in the Railroad since their earliest accounts...but that’s another issue in itself xD)

Along with that...From the start of the game, I have had this NAGGING idea that Deacon is from before the War...just certain things I’ve mentioned in previous posts and the fact that he just trusts Sole completely from the start with seemingly no reason to...It’s always bothered me...So I thought...well what if he was one of the people from Sanctuary who didn’t make it into the Vault? (yeah I know it sounds bullshit and stupid but PLEASE bear with me! I am going somewhere with this!) So I made a hard save before answering the door to Vault-Tec Rep dude...and started exploring everything of the beginning in Sanctuary before the bomb fell with Sole (by using console commands to go places with the camera) and also the day after we get out of the Vault before progressing the story...I just wanted to find SOMETHING that could be seen as out of the ordinary and linked to Deacon.

Right, okay. awesome :D! So that was pretty much my frame of mind when I started the hunt and now I can go into what I actually found :D! (also sorry if I keep repeating myself guys..Like I said i’ll be going through my thought process as I was finding this stuff and trying to debunk myself :))

The most obvious place to start looking? The only two places that look like they’ve been lived in/set up for someone to live in (with work benches, radio on, light, electricity...etc) since the war and up until recently....

The Yellow house opposite Sole’s house and Red Rocket...oddly enough the two spots that are in perfect view from the observation points that I mentioned previously. When I got to Red Rocket I noticed something odd on a terminal entry that got my attention..

So who was this Rosa family? The mother is mentioned in the Chem Dealer’s Terminal in Sanctuary too. (I don’t believe anything put in a game is coincidence at all..it was put there for a reason by the creators.)

So I decided to go and have a look at the beginning of the game and the day we wake up from the Vault...mainly the differences..and I came across something SUPER weird...

We found the “Rosa House”....I never noticed this before...Who ever set up the Yellow house knew the Rosa’s lived there..Why did they put this in? The couple outside the house are not Ms.Rosa and her son (I’ll prove this more later..stay with me :P)

(This was originally an update to the post I deleted...But I’ll keep it here) 

OTHER HOUSES WITH WRITING ON THE MAILBOX THAT WEREN’T THERE PREVIOUSLY

This could still tie in quite well... The terminal inside is one that lets us first know about Ms Rosa before getting to Red Rocket!

HIDDEN MAILBOX WITH SAME HANDWRITING - ‘Russell’ - Thank you so much to @bugsieplusone for using a scrapping mod and discovering this! See post and screenshot here As for what I’ve found out about this....here’s the Wiki page on Mr Russel.

So I decide to go back to the beginning of the game and find him :D

As stated...I still think that the Mailbox was done by the same person due to the handwriting/engraving being the exact same font and style... my money is still on Luis/Deacon... I’m not sure what the reason for it is...but this is what I’ve found :D It’s interesting because the Chem Dealer’s terminal seems to be the “starting point” as it directs you to both of these locations..Maybe the whole point of the Mailbox is to tell us where the Safe is?...but the then the Rosa Mailbox is to guide us to something bigger? Feel free to share thoughts guys :D

So right okay. we have this family.. A mother and a son who are CLEARLY significant enough to put all these little clues in for >< I thought I’d see if I could find them at the beginning of the game. I then went on to notice something strange when the bombs go off and before entering the Vault. There is ONE child, other than baby Shaun, at the start of the game in Sanctuary...I quadruple checked and there is just one young boy around at the time. Maybe this could be Ms. Rosa’s son?

I originally thought this little boy was the ‘Rosa Son’ mentioned in the Terminals..but I’m not too sure now...I think he may have been home..or even at Red Rocket when the bombs fell...or maybe the kid is him...I’m not sure...(it doesn't matter too much if the boy is him...it just strengthens my theory if it is :P...the rest of the points are still valid though :D)

UPDATE!!! THE LITTLE BOY IS LUIS ROSA!

As I mentioned in the last part...I wasn’t even sure the little boy was Luis Rosa when I wrote this theory...it was just a possibility to me...so I didn’t pay much attention to him outside of looking at him and making observations based purely on what I could see in first person.

As you can see from the picture @solas-you-nerd sent me...The boy has brown hair not red like Deacon...but can we explain this and still have the theory hold up?

While it is clear his hair is brown...His hair is Chestnut brown hair, while it is a darkish brown is also red...just a darker red. So it got me thinking about how Deacon is bald...not shaven...Bald... It more than likely is just be for practicality due to his constant disguise changing..but maybe that’s not all it is.. It made me think about the effects of Radiation exposure (for example Chemotherapy patients) and how they lose their hair...along with looking at high radiation exposure to cause hair loss/change .. Obviously there’s the trait of going bald...but what about when the hair starts to grow back? A few places state that the hair-loss can be permanent especially at higher levels of external radiation..I never hear Deacon mention shaving his head or anything..so maybe his hair loss on his scalp was permanent? As for the ginger eyebrows...well the radiation could help explain that one too “ When regrowth occurs, there may be changes in texture and color. It is common for hair to grow back curlier than it was; however, a change of color is less common.” LESS COMMON...not impossible...who is to say that the high exposure of radiation didn’t change his hair from a reddish brown to a lighter (as hair changes in the sun) Auburn/orange? (THESE ARE JUST THOUGHTS GUYS! as a possible way to explain how he could still be Deacon) Another easy explanation is that the boy bleaches his eyebrows okay xD But nah seriously...in the Fallout Universe, there are MANY ways he can go from reddish brown hair - auburn/ginger, especially with eyebrows

One problem I had in my first post was that I claimed the boys eyes were blue based on a screenshot and going in to Photoshop to check (I had no idea how to check this information when I first made the post). Turns out the boys eyes were Brown...

Now this is problematic but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. We actually have the technology in development to be able to permanently change our eye colour from BROWN to BLUE in OUR Universe: It’s still in the trial stages but has been successful. Now we all know in the Fallout Universe..it is 2077...61 years ahead of where we are now (and a different universe)...there are drugs that can heal limbs and make you super human...hell..Deacon even has even changed into a girl, a ghoul and who knows what else...not to mention all the other INSANELY advanced technology that the universe has...if we have the technology to change eye colour then surely they would too?

(This is just a way that the hair and eyes COULD be explained logically and with (my terrible attempt at) science guys...I don’t think the Game makers ACTUALLY put this much effort in lmao xD)

In regards to the terminal entry for the Rosa House mentioned previously...the video is here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b99WIrIpLpY

https://youtu.be/b99WIrIpLpY?t=2m32s (Rosa Terminal)

Now isn’t that strange? The ONLY other house in Sanctuary with Cut terminal content is...dum dum dum...THE ROSA HOUSE! (again confirming this is the yellow house across the street)

Now why would they put all this content in, along with the content about this family at Red Rocket for no reason? We know this family did not enter Vault 111 with Sole (just looking at the pods and terminals prove that). So what happened to this family? I decided to have a look online to see if anyone else had any encounters with them and I came across the wiki page...and to be honest...it kind of made my whole “Luis Rosa survived the bombs theory and became Deacon” fall flat :\ it states that:

“Before the war, Ms. Rosa was presumably one of the neighbours of the Sole Survivor who didn't make it to safety. She can be found 210 years later roaming the Commonwealth and Boston, with her son and a few other unlucky pre-War citizens turned ghoul.”

But the part about her young son being turned and can be found in the Commonwealth is totally FALSE and I can prove it!! I dug deeper...checked videos and forums for encounters with these feral ghoul neighbors and not ONCE is there a “Ms.Rosa’s son”

Some of the forums I looked at are here, here, and here.(last one includes video too)

But see? No ‘Ms. Rosa’s son’ in any of the footage above. Not to mention we NEVER see a feral ghoul child except for Billy. “Billy is currently the only and first ghoul child to appear in any of the Fallout games.”

The wiki says that and therefore contradicts itself by saying that Luis Rosa is one of the Feral Ghouls. The terminal entries of him and his mother prove that he is still a young boy.

SO MY THEORY WAS REBORN The mother (Ms. Rosa) died but the son (Luis Rosa) didn’t!! and he was the only one I needed to be alive for this theory to keep making sense...from my thinking...he was clearly the one who went back and wrote the family name on the mailbox outside his house. Why is there mention of this child and yet nothing afterwards except little hints at him being alive? I needed something linking this kid to 2287 and also Deacon. I carried on looking for evidence the day Sole gets out of the vault.

***PLEASE READ THIS ONE*** After not really finding much, I eventually spoke to Codsworth to advance the story...and I came across a piece of dialogue from him that I remembered REALLY bothered me on my first play through

THIS IS IMPORTANT:

 Sole is clearly asking Codsworth about seeing someone AFTER they went into the Vault (As you can see by the dialogue). Codsworth clearly knows that 200 years have passed. He even mentions it a few seconds later. So why would he say this about the Rosa son in Particular? He doesn't mention ANY other neighbors that WERE around the day the bombs fell? Because just like Sole asked...He’s telling us about what he saw AFTER the bombs fell and everyone vanished. 

 Sole goes into the Vault and wakes up just over a week before Halloween...The day the bombs fell, we see everyone on the street and inside the vault. NO ONE. Not even the one child we see (above) is wearing a Halloween costume. So isn’t that a strange comment for Codsworth to make when asked if he saw anyone around since they left??

 Who does like to dress up in ‘Costumes’ that we know of? Deacon. The same Deacon who had been watching The Vault for the last year from his lookout. He would need somewhere to survive other than a tiny outpost while he waited..maybe he also spent that year remembering his past from before the war... rebuilding his family home and Red Rocket? “Chasing Ghosts” as Des put it in her terminal entry.

 Ms. Rosa’s Son is the only person Codsworth has seen poking around that he can identify...THIS IS PUT IN FOR A REASON. If it was nothing then why was there no mention of anyone else and why can we find no definitive proof that Ms. Rosa’s son died...but we find proof that his mother and all the other named neighbors did die?

Codsworth talks throughout the rest of the conversation as if 200 years passing is like a week passing..no big deal...So for him to say that about Ms. Rosa’s son so casually would be completely normal to him. Just like he doesn’t seem surprised when he sees Sole after such a long time. It just seems like something so strange to put in when we have a Companion who loves costumes and to dress up...is out of time in the commonwealth just like Sole with the things he says...Is totally mysterious...who knew about us coming out of the Vault and has been watching and waiting for us to arrive at least a year before we did near the same place that Ms. Rosa’s son loved and was his home...Sanctuary and Red Rocket. If Codsworth saw him with a new face or in a new disguise then he would obviously assume that he was just playing with his Halloween Costume and think nothing of it. (I hope that made sense??)

 As for why Codsworth doesn’t say anything when we later bring Deacon to him?...there could be MANY explanations for that and I bet Deacon thought about it and planned for when it happened...I think Sole came out of the Vault before Deacon expected it, hence why he has to flee his spots like the house and Red Rocket so quickly and that’s why they look so “lived in”...Sole goes to speak to Codsworth who tells them about Ms. Rosa’s son before Deacon could put his prevention/security in place...and then when Sole leaves to continue their story or hell even when they’re asleep or something...Deacon comes back and maybe alters Codsworth’s memories/identity tools? (I imagine he didn't want to do it before because he likes that the robot remembered him and his old life and family)

 It reinforces what was said in the cut terminal content...that Ms.Rosa was away the day the bombs fell and left her son behind...unsupervised....why is this important? I decided to look around pre-war Sanctuary before answering the door to Vault-Tec Rep...pretty much as soon as you finish designing Sole...And look what I see...

So the Rosa’s were also on the List to get into Vault 111...but Ms. Rosa was not home to sign up to it and therefore her and her son got left behind. He stays at the house for A LONG time before giving up and coming over to Sole’s. (Check it out yourselves if you start a new game!!)

So yeah...My theory in a nutshell is that all this evidence is not just a coincidence. I think it was put in for a reason and I cant help but feel it is all a connection to Deacon..It explains why he trusts Sole, he knew them...how he knew about the Vault and what was inside...Why the House was set up for Sole along with Red Rocket with everything needed to survive...Why Codsworth makes that Comment...why the mailbox has the name engraved on it...Why we never find out what happened to the boy...where Deacon was for a year...it all adds up...

I don’t know how he survived so long...I have a few theories that could hold up but they need more research...I’m leaning towards the Institute and it all leads to him being so on the run...We know they have the technology..just look at what they did to Kellogg to prolong his life. Or hell even the Cabot family...Living over 200 years is not impossible in this world..We’ve met an entire family who have been alive for double that time...and Kellogg was 108 with halted aging who looked no older than 40 due to cybernetics...if anyone could live for that long it would be Deacon.

As to how he survived the initial blast? My main theory comes from what the games say about what happened to humans/survivors after the war (give it a read its interesting xD). along with the Origins of the institute...in particular this: “During the Great War, a number of CIT personnel survived by taking refuge in the underground level of the campus“ Well look what just happens to be under Red Rocket...

Perfect Natural Bomb Shelter a stones throw away from Sanctuary AND where Luis used to hang out to repair the Corvega with his Mother..when the bombs went off he could have ran down there..There’s no radiation there except for ONE small area of the Cave even now...If you listen to what the Wiki says about Humans who didn't make it into the Vault...how did they survive? They sought refuge UNDERGROUND

Or...Another potential location... the Secret Bunker behind one of the Houses in Sanctuary. 100%  suitable and safer for Luis to survive the initial blast and radiation. Also it has things like Rad X and Stimpaks along with a huge amount of food and gold etc...he would have had the perfect supplies to wait out and start in the new world.

I wanted more evidence of Luis and Deacon’s connection...

I haven’t found much but I have found some more weird stuff that COULD help explain where he went at some point in his life.. To get from “Luis Rosa the little boy” to “Deacon the Railroad Agent” (I cannot stress how much this is just observations and thoughts..not what I think has actually happened!) Right...Lets start! I’m not even entirely sure what my theory or explanation is for this...It’s definitely more observations that I’ve noticed while in the mind frame of “Could this mean something to my theory?” But here’s what I’ve found and my thoughts :D

Ms. Rosa was seemingly away from home...Where did she go? Surely after everything had calmed down/He was out of danger...surely he’d want to learn the fate of his Mother? The closest person to him and his only family. This terminal entry from Cut Content tells us where she went:

So what is the closest garage that is pretty much ‘East of Quincy’? The Atom Cats Garage..

As you can see...The Garage is also only a stones throw away from “University Point”....The same place Deacon tells you he spent his youth in his final affinity talk....Just a coincidence?

Now many of you have mentioned the Atom Cats and their connection to Deacon and the Railroad...the most obvious one slaps you in the face the Second you arrive at the Atom Cat’s Garage...The Railroad “Ally” Sign.

I just find it a little strange how the two places that are confirmed places that Luis Rosa would have been associated with...are also the two places that give us a STRONG link to Deacon and the Railroad. As I’ve said previously...I don’t believe anything in a game is coincidence...not when you can piece things together anyway...

The other connection is just the way that Deacon seems to resonate with the Cats...I mean one look at him and Zeke together and they could be mistaken for brothers when Deacon is in his wig and white shirt attire....if they’re allies of the Railroad maybe Deacon helped inspire their style? Just look at Zeke’s Safe...the contents are totally Deacon inspired...even down to the stealth boy, sunglasses and comics.

It states on the wiki that: “The Atom Cats' outfit can be purchased from a merchant far South of Drumlin Diner even before any interaction with the group. My thoughts on this is that it was Deacon disposing of his attire on his way back to Sanctuary....I have a small thought about Deacon being the Deceased Atom Cat “Aimin Andy” but it’s not a strong one.

I also find it strange how Deacon doesn’t wear his greaser style clothes and pompadour wig when visiting the Atom Cats (for me he was bald and looked like a settler)...like he doesn’t want to be recognized..even though he tries to blend in everywhere else with what the people around are wearing. (like the Vault suits when going to Vault 81...the drifer outfit in Goodneighbor...the Caravan worker disguise in bunker hill etc...) So that is the main Connection between Deacon, Luis Rosa and the Atom Cats... Maybe after what happened with Barbara and UPD...he went to the Garage to find any trace of his Mother’s last days..or what happened to her...and he came across the Cats..(That’s just ONE of my thoughts on this)

Something else bothered me that goes back to the old Leaders journals of the Railroad and the mention of “John D”

“After the HQ massacre, most people simply left the Railroad. Only one person survived HQ, a runner named John D”

“John D has been finding tourists at a pretty good clip. But he keeps their identities to himself. Operational security he calls it. It makes me grind my teeth, but he's probably right...

“John developed a dead drop system we've been using.”

“PAM's been trying to find the location of the Institute in earnest. Failing. Deacon's convinced the solution lies in the past, not future. Deacon already knows the big secret - we know nothing about the Railroad before Wyatt was in charge (or is Deacon Johnny D???)”

At first I thought that this “John D” was Deacon using an alias that meant something like “John Doe” before he decided to become Deacon (Which I choose to believe is a play on the words “Decoy” and “Con-Artist” xD) but after reaching the Atom Cats Garage...I’m not so sure..

Deacon even makes a claim in his second affinity talk of starting the Railroad 60-70 years ago with Watts (further proof he was in the Capital if he’s referring to Victoria Watts...though the “60-70 years ago” would be the “lie” of that story for him given the time of Fallout 3) and Johnny D...

We get to the Atom Cats and we have a character called...

Now I don’t know if this means anything...the Wiki seems to hold some answers..Including stating that he is NOT a synth (as when you kill him he has no components) But given the “Ally” Symbol with outside the Garage...along with the several DIRECT mentions of “John/Johnny D” from both the official Railroad Records and from Deacon himself (there’s a little bit of truth in every lie)....I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this guy is here...

I have a few thoughts on why this is here…it could just purely be an overlook by the developers...but I’m not too sure.. **The Atom Cats all have Nicknames in the style of old Greaser names...Blue-Jay...Rowdy...Zeke...etc...maybe Johnny D’s name is inspired by the John D he knew when he joined the Railroad? Since we know the Cats are “Allies”? (I only had this thought because I believe that Deacon is John D from the Railroad based on one entry by Pinky and after reading the entries from Wyatt) **It could just be pure coincidence or there as a hint to the connection between Deacon and the Cats. Like I said I don’t know the purpose of this..but I still found it really strange and a bit TOO much of a coincidence...

Lastly...Here are some stuff that mean probably NOTHING..but I thought was interesting all the same.

Totally Grasping at straws...BUT its an observation/thought as opposed to part of the theory... In the cut terminal entry from Ms. Rosa...she mentions the issue of “Hot Rodder” and the fuel reactor article...What’s interesting is that the particular issue she mentions can be found just East of Sanctuary...in the Robotics Disposal Ground...

While Issue 2 can be found Next to Zeke’s bed in his Trailer...

I think personally that if the Developers had decided to keep the Terminal in...then we maybe the locations for these two issues would have been swapped? IDK but I found it an interesting observation so i thought I’d include it xD

Another small observation on the Atom Cat’s Garage...The Red Rocket Terminal about the Rosa’s mentions that they have a “Classic Corvega” that they were restoring. Now judging from previous Fallout games we know about the different models of the car...and the one that seems to fit the “Classic” description best would probably be the Original Model Corvega which you can see here. The Car that is stacked up in the middle of the Garage and looks like it was worked on before the bombs fell is one of these Classic Corvegas

Could it be their Car? Who knows. Like I said this is just my thoughts and observations while in the mind frame of “Are there any connections?”

And you finally reached the end of my drabbles! Congratulations!! ^_^

I’d love to hear your thoughts! But all hate will be deleted. This was just a fun little project of mine and please...PLEASE don’t think I believe this is Canon..it’s just a bit of fun :D

[imnevergonnagiveyouup]

Meta#1:

Alright so here's my first meta and not gonna lie @gaeaguard​ gave me the confidence, who kinda asked me my opinion on it and then later said that it was okay for me to share and not be shy about it so here goes to anybody who's like interested in my opinion and take on the voices inside his head. Please note if you haven't played the game and/or are planning on playing it there's going to be spoilers, if only to show to those who like wanna know why it is I concluded with this opinion of mine comes from. This might be long and it'll be under read more but I still found it important to warn ya'll if you're really interested in playing the game and wanting to find out things through your own whim and to get an idea of your own. Not gonna lie I'm often assumed to be one who doesn't take the game seriously in comparison to others which in all sincerity the game as a whole no I don't I mean have you played it? It's p fun, but his character is very important to me, and someone who I really like and is very enjoyable to dwell into from time to time on my own in the background. His journey into forgiving himself and struggling with what prevents him from doing so is what captures me the most and how he develops in the process. But here I go! Also! Credits for the screen shots I used on here are by @fairlegacy who was nice enough to capture them for me, thanks buddy!

Remember! SPOILERS ALERT! LOTS OF 'EM! No like seriously lmao.

To be honest I'm gonna start from the very beginning of his journey into joining ShinRa and just who he was before the original game took place. I know not a lot of people are fond to the prequels or like side stuff like this but I personally appreciated them a lot cause I feel like it applied more depth to the snarky son of a biscuit eating bulldog that is this guy we already came to love originally. He's a very reserved young man who's struggling to make it into SOLDIER. Someone who left and abandoned his home to make a point to others and to become stronger, just like the one he admires. Cloud's very quiet and keeps to himself a lot from what's implied a little, not to say he's shy because that's not what I'm saying. Being reserved/keeping to yourself and general shyness are two different things please keep this in mind. Okay so he's an infantryman who keeps to himself and is struggling to join the ranks of SOLDIER on his own. Cloud's been exposed to a lot of ShinRa's behavior and manner of things, especially of the SOLDIER rank which remember is where he wants to be. I only remember so much about CC since I've only played it like twice and the second time was only cause a friend of mine told me to revisit it, but I do remember that a good number of SOLDIER members were rather cocky and arrogant, believing themselves to be like top dogs or on top of the food chain. Not only does Zack exercise an inflated ego but there's others who do as well and how others react to them for it. Though Zack means no harm with his confidence there's members of ShinRa who aren't even in SOLDIER who view them as a threat or something to be annoyed about just like some turks don't get along with SOLDIER and don't even want to be exposed to them. Am I implying that this kind of behavior is only in SOLDIER? No of course not as there's plenty within ShinRa who hold their own foul behavior and inflated egos. The point is that Cloud, as reserved and keeping to himself as he is, has been greatly exposed to such behaviors and ways when within ShinRa. His attachment and connection to Zack later on makes him develop these mannerisms he has that remind our beloved flower girl of her first love.

When Cloud's subjected to Hojo's experimentations and to be part of the JENOVA program mad scientist over here exposes both Cloud and Zack to a tremendous amount of mako and these pure cells. He failed with Zack but succeeded with Cloud but at a cost. Cloud, not entirely used to mako at all succumbs to mako poisoning and mercilessly in the process begins to corrode his consciousness with the applied company of JENOVA's pure cells whilst in comparison to Zack who's been exposed to mako can take such a lethal blow and even make the JENOVA cells into monster cells of his own. At the end of his journey with Zack Cloud suffers even worse at already his unstable mental state and having to deal with the shock of watching his good friend die before him. With such a fragile mindset and processing of the situation when Zack says that he wants him to be his living legacy and by accepting this Cloud subconsciously adapts snips of Zack himself as well thus the Cloud that once was no longer there. In my personal opinion it goes deeper than that. Remember that unlike Zack Cloud was a success with the infusion of JENOVA cells. And what did JENOVA do thousands of years ago to a certain ancient race that basically made them go extinct? That's right, it messed with their MEMORIES and FEELINGS so that it could get closer to them and through its CELLULAR STRUCTURE then infected this ancient race and turned them into monsters. JENOVA has the ability to manipulate memories and thus through these memories if convincing enough can furthermore manipulate emotions. So Cloud adapting snips of Zack, some of his flaunt, his manners, and what he did know about him is not just on Cloud but on JENOVA's cells as well. Not just that but Cloud forgetting that Zack's even real at all also plays a great deal and is all in thanks to JENOVA in my opinion. Let's be technical for a moment, JENOVA cells were given to both Cloud and Zack, chances are a substantial amount of them for the sake of some success because it even managed to break Cloud, but these cells were unable and failed to break Zack who only ended up making those cells his own personal alien/monster cells and with JENOVA already showing and delivering that it does have the ability to not just manipulate memories but emotions as well there's no doubt in my mind that some string tugging and pulling was done in regards to the relationship and close connection Cloud had with Zack, playing in tune with the fact that Zack was a failed copy while Cloud wasn't thus in Cloud's head any signs of Zack ceased to be, he didn't exist/JENOVA failed to claim Zack as a host. Now I know what you're all might be thinking, when am I actually gonna get to the voices part well it's in the upcoming paragraph lmao but I thought it was important to set this as the basis ground like it's important to keep and put these things out there so that the voices within his head can be understood a bit better (or at least why I think what I think of them anyway) because the voices inside his head are more than just that. It's a complicated concept to just try to get the moment they happen, one of those things where you have to take things that have already happened and keep happening in order to get a good grasp of. Alright now with this out of the way I can actually get to the actual voices part and what I think of 'em and who it is exactly as well.

Alright so these voices are first introduced very early in the game in the bombing mission where the voice tells and implores Cloud not to blow up the reactor because it's more than that and because it's dangerous to do it. Many believe and say that these voices are Zack, Zack trying to help Cloud regain his identity which I do agree I'm actually on that very same boat to put it simply except that later on in the game it throws me for a loop which I'll mention later. Recall that Cloud NEVER made it into SOLDIER so how's he to have any substantial knowledge of how a reactor works and/or what it operates at all? Something we learn about ShinRa through prequels and the original game itself is that there's knowledge barriers between their ranks. Some don't even know of ShinRa's true intentions and harmful ways even which is a clear and obvious tell-tell sign that not everybody's on the same page and not everybody has the worst of intentions. So as an infantryman Cloud would have been limited with only so much information concerning the company especially because he was very reserved and to himself before everything started to go to hell for him which is why I was really inclined to believe that holy shit Zack's living in Cloud's head right now and trying to help reach for that friend of his he adored so much and risked his life into saving, literally. Except that this basic theory of mine gets thrown through a loop later throughout the game and the more times this voice comes up and the appearance of young Cloud when Cloud's in the middle of killing Aeris in the temple. So let's start out into the next relevant time the voice comes up it's when he falls through the roof of the church and officially meets our dear flower girl. 

The voice says something along the lines of back then you were able to get through with skinned knees or something like that and then Cloud, unsure of who it is asks who's talking to him right now and what exactly is the voice referring to by that specific thing which left me wondering for a whole while until the lifestream scene with Tifa where they're trying to get Cloud pieced together where young Cloud makes yet another appearance and shares with her what memory was most important to him and what decided what became of him and how. 

When he and Tifa fell off the cliff and he shares with us that she was in a coma for days while Cloud ONLY got away with SCARRED KNEES.  So like there's a literal significant connection there that at least I took very literally. It's this little piece that kinda changed my perspective about the voices inside his head and just who it is trying to reach him and advice him. In some ways yes it is Zack but not entirely JUST him but with the applied JENOVA influence and how it has the ability to manipulate memories and emotions of those its host is connected to it shared some of Zack's with the real Cloud who's still struggling within him, still trying to reach him. Because there's no way or anywhere in CC where Cloud confessed this incident he had with Tifa if my memory's serving me right right now. It's that part and the part where Cloud almost kills Aeris where young (real) Cloud appears trying to interfere and stop events from progressing. The one who's struggling really bad within his head and trying to fight back that trauma, that shock, JENOVA, and trying to get the Cloud character he's adapted as his own to understand that there's something terribly wrong here and he needs to see that and throughout the game every time I play it I don't know if it’s only me but to me, I feel like Cloud gets more mindful and mindful as it goes on that there is something wrong and he has to put the pieces together to figure out just what it is. So the voices in his head are more than just oh it’s JENOVA, oh it’s just Zack, no it’s the real Cloud, no it’s a troublesome, toxic, and struggling MIXTURE of the three plus the shock/trauma of the loss of a good friend and the severe mako poisoning which also plays a huge role on his memory. JENOVA’s influence over memories/emotions/ability to manipulate, that which Cloud was able to adapt from Zack and morph into the snarky self inflated egotistical ex-SOLDIER 1st class we’re introduced to in the game, and young (real) Cloud who’s doing his best and struggling inside him trying to make it out and get to the surface, to put the pieces back in their rightful place. So the voices in his head are a complicated subject because there’s so much playing within this struggle? Everything that messed him up in the first place and it’s kinda obvious why after it settles in he’s beaten down a lot and he can’t and isn’t given time to fully process it and grieve over it all because the world’s coming to an end and they have to stop it from happening which evolves into the AC Cloud everybody hates (if someone comes up to me and says he has no right to be the way he is in AC I will fight you), everything’s calmed down, he’s given time to grieve over everything that settled in, the loss of a friend, the loss of another friend, the fake persona he took up, what he forgot, feeling like a failure. Things along those lines.

I’m sure with the remake coming out soon we’ll get more in detailed stuff but with what I can recall and what I know from this series as crazy as it is the voice inside his head is a multitude of things but more importantly, at least in my opinion, it’s (real) Cloud trying to bring himself together, trying to help himself out and no longer remain dormant and succumb to everything that brought him down to where he is during the beginning of the game, but as it’s been shown to us multiple times things just aren’t that easy, especially with everything else piling on top of that which only made it harder and much more complex.

[jippy-kandi]

Digimon Adventure tri. - Chapter 4: Loss | Thoughts

So . . . I thought it was pretty good? I did read a few spoilers and people seemed to think it was really, really bad. So maybe because I expected it to be so bad that when it wasn’t that bad, I thought it was pretty good? If I were to rank the films so far, from best to worst . . .

3 (Confession), 4 (Loss), 2 (Determination), 1 (Reunion).

I liked the opening. I didn’t particularly care for it (because my interest in Maki and Daigo is about -7), but I liked it.

Yokomon being a complete bitch to Sora because she accidentally stepped on her once . . . All the digimon were right to be cautious of the kids at first, but Yokomon acted like Sora was some axe murderer in hiding waiting to get her alone. It was just really weird and frankly felt forced (and lazy writing, just to give Sora conflict). Sora is the one who prepared all the food and made all the digimon happy . . . logically, you would think then, that out of all the digimon partners, hers would warm to her more quickly just for providing food. The other kids didn’t do anything, and yet the other digimon were more trusting of their partners. Logic fail. (And Sora tried so hard to get Yokomon to like her . . . seriously, Yokomon was written as a brick wall. So forced. I didn’t buy it.)

Tokomon warming to Takeru almost instantly was cute.

Tri. tries so hard to force the audience to like Meiko by Mimi and Sora’s sheer affection for the girl . . . and it just doesn’t work. I think Toei regrets making “Meiko”, because her merchandise really doesn’t sell. (I also think Toei initially wanted Meiko to be a “crush” for Taichi, but her underwhelming “popularity” has made them rethink that idea . . ..)

OMG I cannot get enough of the Takaishida brothers. That scene where Takeru is still hitting on his older bro is one of my favourites. XD I like this running joke. Give me more, tri.. :)

OK. The Taiorato scenes. The first scene I mostly liked. I had issues with some aspects of it (Yamato should’ve known what to do . . .), but I thought it was a good scene. It showed the dynamics between the three rather well. What I liked most (other than it being a rather intimate moment between the three), was that it was clear that Yamato was more in-tune and “aware” of Sora than Taichi was, who was completely clueless (as he always has been). It was the second Taiorato scene after that though that I really had issues with (man, Yamato’s characterisation really went down the drain, lol). But more on that in another post, ‘cause it’s very Sorato-y -- though it has to be said that you don’t have to be a Sorato shipper to have a problem with that scene . . . you just have to be able to recognise when Yamato's characterisation is “off”. Because it was.

Yamato asking if they should ask Takeru for help regarding Sora? In what world would a 17-year-old think a 14-year-old would understand a girl his age better? I generally really like tri. Takeru, but there’s a point when someone becomes too-good-to-be-true (and is almost always used as the picture of “perfection”). Takeru’s not a “perfect” person who can make any situation better, and is somehow supposed to have skills to be in-tune with girls’ emotions (that scene prior where Takeru says Meiko is a “normal” girl and accidentally offends Mimi and Hikari comes to mind). They need to tone it down a bit with the whole “Takeru is perfect” thing.

But . . . Yamato and Taichi were incredibly obtuse when it came to Sora’s problem, though. Like, incredibly. As in, forced writing. I also didn’t buy it. It would’ve been one thing if they just didn’t know how to handle Sora’s problem (although I would argue that Yamato should really be better at this than he was depicted in the film . . .), but the fact that they seemed totally clueless as to what was bothering her? I’m sorry, but when all the digimon are completely fine and then you have GIANT BITCH PIYOMON flying around, it defies logic (again) to have them be that obtuse. Weak writing is weak writing. I wish Sora had been given better material.

The scene between Daigo and Maki where he asks her if he could be her new partner . . . was so incredibly cheesy and made me laugh. It didn’t seem to fit in “Digimon”. Tri. turned into a love story between Daigo and Maki for a minute and . . . lol. It totally didn’t fit into what Digimon is. Odd scene.

I did like the reveal (albeit unoriginal) of Daigo and Maki being two of the original Chosen Children. It made them infinitely more interesting (which, because they weren’t interesting to begin with . . . just makes them OK characters now).

How incredibly odd was it for Piyomon to meet Meiko and warm up to her so quickly (A GIRL SHE JUST MET), and still be a total bitch to Sora (A GIRL WHO FED HER AND WAS NOTHING BUT KIND TO HER)??? Sora’s conflict is the core storyline of this film, and its foundation is just so weak. I know I keep repeating myself, but seriously. Some “good” came out of it (what it forces Sora to go through in the film), but it would’ve been so much better if the writers had actually attempted to come up with a logical reason for Piyomon to be a massive cunt to Sora for no particular reason (that is, a reason that isn’t forced as fuck).

Awww, Gabumon and the whole “Yamato-kun” thing was pretty cute. And Taichi’s jealously of not being called “Taichi-kun”, haha. :)

This film had so many parallel moments and homages to the first season. I quite liked the nostalgic throwbacks.

I really loved Yamato’s line, “I expect too much of [Taichi]”. So true. Taito feels, ON.

Meicoomon’s reunion with Meiko was pretty . . . weird. It just felt random (or just badly executed). And it was a bit funny with all her swipes at the air surrounding Meiko’s head (which is not the desired reaction, lol).

LMAO at Sora throwing rocks at “Gennai”. Also he used Meicoomon to boob-punch her . . . I know I shouldn’t find this funny, but I do. XD Funny in a am-I-really-seeing-this-over-the-top-shit-in-a-Digimon-series-way!?

Continuing with the inappropriateness . . . I also found it funny when he licked her. It just totally took me “out” of the whole film, like a jump-the-shark moment. “This . . . is Digimon?!” It was so weird and totally didn’t fit in with what you should expect to see in a Digimon series. I think the tri. writers were trying to be “risque” but instead it just made me think tri. really needed a better writing staff who knew how to keep to a tone. XD; (Also, Sora’s complete lack of reaction to the lick made it even weirder. Girl, some man who wasn’t Yamato just LICKED YOUR FACE. Please react to it to show that it was shocking/uncomfortable/disgusting for you. Again, tri. writers being incompetent, because Sora really should have given some reaction to it. A simple sound of disgust would’ve worked, to at least acknowledge that it was STRANGE. Sora took that lick almost like she gets licked every day by strangers -- and is pretty content to be licked. Her non-reaction was weirder than the lick itself.)

The scene was also getting to look pretty rape-y with him being on top of her for so long . . . and sorry-not-sorry, but get that shit out of Digimon. That shit stays in fanfiction for a reason. STOP BEING A FANFIC, TRI..

Sora pushes “Gennai” off her and he just goes down? Lol. How weak is this dude. Also, it was just weird to see “Gennai” act like a creepy dude. Again, it really didn’t fit what Digimon is.

LMAO at when Plotmon “puppy howls” at “Gennai” and everyone just runs. XD Was it supposed to be funny? XD THAT was their getaway??? XD (But Plotmon is cute as fuck. I want one. :3)

So after Sora tries to protect Piyomon . . . Piyomon decides to remove the giant stick up her arse and recognise how kind Sora has been ALL ALONG. Wow. Random, abrupt resolution there. WHAT IS THIS WEAK WRITING. Piyomon’s entire attitude changes in a blink of an eye. If you don’t have an issue with this, your standards are way too low when it comes to good writing and storytelling. Don’t get me wrong, I love how Sora got to shine and everything, but I wish the writers had backed it up with actual good writing. It really isn’t hard to get Piyomon to be weary of Sora without being an outright, illogical bitch.

OMG, the moment Jou charges at “Gennai”? HOW FUCKING GLORIOUS. It both shocked me and made me love Jou a lot, hahaha. GO HERO JOU!

Yamato can throw Gabumon into the air in water . . . DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BRO!? Apparently, he does. XD

Also, a tri. film where Taichi is in-character and I actually love him? Here, have bonus points, “Loss”. I loved all of Taichi’s interactions with Yamato in this film. Go Taito, go. But . . . that whole part where Taichi and Yamato were underwater and trying to go up for air? It made me laugh so hard. Partly because of the poor animation, but also just because . . . the entire thing was hilarious hahaha. It shouldn’t be, because they could’ve drowned, but . . . XD

Um . . . Machinedramon throwing Sora around – and especially AGAINST A CLIFF – really should have killed her. WTF. Yamato, you’re gonna end up with a woman who cannot die. Be prepared, son.

Sora literally clings to life because she wants to make meatballs for Piyomon again . . . LOL. Phoenixmon was born from a mutual love of meatballs. (OK, I’m just taking the piss. :P)

Why would Phoenixmon let Sora fall off of her without trying to swoop down to catch her? Weird. Also, Jou catching Sora was awesome, but again, totally defies logic that Sora didn’t crush his bones completely upon impact and killed both of them. :P And wouldn’t it have been awesome if Yamato and Taichi had joined them sooner so that Yamato could’ve caught Sora in his arms instead? *cough* (Jou was totally amazing in this film though. THE UNSUNG HERO.)

Patamon’s evolution to his Mega form was too random and easy, like they just wanted to get it over and done with and just stuck it in at the last minute. I personally don’t care that it was too easy, but it was. :P

The film’s ending made me interested in where the plot goes . . . and that’s a good thing!

Overall . . . I thought the film was pretty good, despite its weaknesses. If I seemed too critical for a film that I rank the second best so far in the tri. series, it’s because I really hate giant leaps in logic and poor writing. My criticism of this film basically boils down to the Sora/Piyomon conflict being entirely forced, and for having a few moments that really didn’t fit into Digimon at all.

The strength of this film though is its “action” and pacing, which makes it better than the first and second film. The first film was dull, even with good character interactions – its pacing was too slow. And the second film, though enjoyable, really was just filler. And I did like Sora’s character journey in this fourth film -- I just wish it had been for a better reason than Piyomon being a you-know-what. But Sora was amazing throughout this film and I love her. :P

Can the fifth and sixth film top this? I really hope so. I want to be able to look back on the entire series and think that it was good. That would be great, tri.. Do your best, please. ;)

[adhd-ahamilton]

Joy To The World, 1, 4 and 5!

Hoo boy, so many questions!!! I hope you’re prepared for the deluge that’s gonna result...~ I’ll answer these tonight and finish the ones in the other messages tomorrow morning!

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

So. Over the last five or so years I’ve been writing fic, in all but the second year, I’ve written a special Christmas-related fic for Christmas. (And I did two the first year, so.) Christmas is a really important holiday to me and I really love Christmas-related stuff (the cheesier and sillier the better), so it became kind of a tradition. But this year, I was at a little bit of a loss. I knew I wanted to write Lams, because that’s my big thing right now. But how would I write Christmas Lams? Did they even properly ‘celebrate’ Christmas during that time period?? Or should I just go for an AU?

I researched it, and thankfully it turns out that the 18th century is around when people did start to celebrate Christmas in the modern sense (and it’s also when carols really started to come about, which is great because per tradition all my Christmas fic are titled after a carol), but that was just the beginning of the issue. When exactly would it be set? Valley Forge? But, uh... I highly doubted they would be really doing all that much at that point. But I couldn’t really think of any time outside of Lams AU that they’d be together. (And then I found out afterwards that Ham wasn’t even there for Christmas 1777, so, welp.) And I really couldn’t think of any kind of actual plot. I could have done a kind of meditation on their relationships to religion, but I didn’t know that much about which specific form of Christianity they belonged to, and I thought it was something that could be and HAD been done much better by other people. (Plus that’s not really my fave kind of fic to write to begin with.)

So, it wasn’t really working out that well. But still, I really kept trying. Through November, my working plan became almost set in stone: I’d do a combined historical and modern AU fic, switching back and forth between scenes, comparing themes (supply lists in VF compared with finding money for food over Christmas break in modern AU), sorta casually looking at the differences. When I gave it up, it was partly out of lack of interest in the themes, but my conscious reason was ‘I just don’t really care about modern AU Lams.’

...which came to the crux of the problem all along: I’m not really an AU person. Or rather, I’m very not an AU person. I’ve written very few AUs in my time, and almost all of them were historical AUs - certainly not modern day ones, and definitely not school AUs. I don’t have any, like, moral opposition - I can fully appreciate the transformative potential of full-setting AUs and find very interesting the interdependent communities that develop around AU-heavy fandoms as they essentially create their own accepted canons - but I just...don’t tend to like them. I’m very analytical!! The idea of just...MAKING UP not just one character or setting but basically a whole story just always seemed simultaneously too easy and too hard to me!!! Plus, I like to write really interesting and unusual things and try new styles, and one of the most basic points of interests for me in writing is asking what makes these characters and relationships unique, based on their precise personalities and backstories and combinations of traits. None of that lends well to full-setting AUs.

But. As I was mulling this terrible problem over, as usual, I was also running over in my head all kinds of various different characterisation ideas. This time, I was thinking about how it was interesting that Hamilton always seemed to be written in opposition to Henry Laurens, when IRL it seems they had a pretty decent acquaintanceship. And I was thinking about it, and I really started to think that, actually, someone in Hamilton’s point of view - who was constantly abandoned by his father, and desperate for his attention, and incredibly ambitious despite the circumstances of his birth - would be one of the WORST people to understand that an overly-controlling, overly-interested father who expects extremely highly of his son could be a negative influence. Which also added to another thought I’d been having. I always liked one quote from Chernow, that Laurens must have seen in Hamilton what a man who makes himself can do, and it always made me think that Hamilton must have been the same way - that he must have seen in Laurens the man he had always aimed to be. So, Laurens grew up in a good family, acknowledged and promoted by said family, with plenty of money and a great deal of opportunity. To Hamilton... yeah, it’d definitely be hard for him to see the problems with that. (And, you know, there IS a lot of privilege there!! It’s just, y’know, that mental illness doesn’t always listen to that.) But, those thoughts were kinda moot, because I really couldn’t think of any way to contrast these different experiences with fathers in historical verse.

And that’s when it came to me. What if I did a modern AU where Hamilton came down to visit the Laurens family for Christmas?

I didn’t have the time (or, really, the interest) to develop a full-on world for everyone, and a uni AU just seemed to be the most appropriate for this one, anyway. And it also did have a bit of appeal: it always kinda bugged me that in the AUs I read, Hamilton and Laurens never seemed to be studying law, even though that’s historically what they did do. As a law grad, I figured I might as well be the one to write it. (Though law in Australia is p different from in the US - there’s no separate law school, we just study it straight out of high school like anything else - but whatever.) And once I was doing THAT, it was hard for me to escape the fact that, in the real world, studying law hadn’t...exactly always been the best experience for me. Given that Laurens didn’t really want to study it either, it seemed appropriate to lean on those experiences a bit.

Aaand that’s where we really get to the meat of the inspiration behind it, heh. Which is to say: this is possibly the most autobiographical thing I’ve ever written...? I’ll say outright that a lot of it WAS entirely invented - my relationship with my family is nothing like John’s was in this, at all. But my anxieties over studying, and my worries about the future and what a career in law would lead to... yeah, that came from me haha. Because, to get kind of personal about it... well, I graduated July 2015. And in the time since then, I have been employed for about 2.5? months, total. The job scene here, in general and especially for law grads, is just that bad. (And, uh, there was a fair bit of personal fault in my lack of preparation for after I’d graduate? But, seriously, I was really anxious already...) And ever since then - particularly 2016 to the present - I’ve also had a lot of anxiety and depression and stuff going on. At the time I wrote the fic, it was in a position of leaning worse rather than better. So...I honestly don’t know if there was ever, like, a dispassionate fic in there safely cordoned off from my own projections, but if there was, it didn’t last long.

So, I got the idea, and wrote it all up pretty quickly in early December, just kinda ridin’ that catharsis of getting all that stuff out. (And it turned out to be even more relevant than I thought, as ‘trying to enjoy Christmas like you usually do when you’re really not happy’ also ended up a very autobiographical theme.) And that’s how it happened!

As for one or two other things:

I really really didn’t wanna get too into politics in the fic lmao. I don’t feel comfortable with more than the broadest strokes of Hamilton’s beliefs (I’m gonna GET THERE but Im still well rev-verse in Chernow) and I always feel uncomfortable about portraying historical figure in any better light than they deserve when it comes to specific matters. But I also wanted to have Laurens and Hamilton at least as POC because I also think it’s important to increase racial diversity in fanfic in the rare cases that we really get a clear choice. So, I tried to kinda portray that without really getting detailed about any activist stuff or whatever. Which is why in Ham’s argument with Henry he’s really not siding with anyone, he’s just an economics wonk who gets mad when people on both sides of the political aisle don’t make sure their numbers add up, lol. That was my best compromise. (And Philly kinda nudged me when I still got too far off-course;; haha!)

Hamilton has ADHD because: again, I wanted to actually officially write up neurodivergent characters into fic when I had the option of being specific (my Ham is always neurodivergent but obv I can’t explicitly write that into the text of historical verse), and it’s ADHD because......well, I could write a really long thing about that alone lmfao. And I feel like I kind of should in some ways because I know that a lot of people aren’t rly familiar with how ADHD tends to actually, like, feel, for real-life people, and if you aren’t then I KNOW this must sound like a really arbitrary or misguided HC. And I’d really love to write it up and expand education and all, but. It’s also something that hits really close and personal for me and, as someone who can be anxious for days straight over opening entirely innocuous tumblr messages... I just DK I could do it, atm;;;;; Someday I will though, I hope!!! (Tho I will say that I’m totally for all neurodivergent Ham HCs and that honestly my Classic Ham is also influenced by BD and BPD things so I’m p flexible about it.) (Actually I guess I CAN say that my HCs for Ham all involve disorders with extreme moods and mood swings and stuff and ADHD in its lesser known symptoms can absolutely include that, esp with Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, so yeah. That’s basically the large part of my reason for that headcanon right there lol.)

4. What's your favorite line of dialogue? 

HM OH MAN, I’m not sure!!! Lemme skim it again real quick.

In terms of sheer characterisation efficiency, I always liked the idea of Henry Laurens’ introductory sentence being to complain about John not calling often enough. It’s just such a perfect combination of a) genuinely cares about his son and wants to hear from him, and b) is an asshole who has no idea whatsoever of the pressure he’s putting on his son without offering any concurrent praise or reassurance. 

...so yeah I think I’ll leave it at that actually, since this thing is long enough already lol.

5. What part was hardest to write?

I was sitting here trying hard to remember if I really had trouble writing any part of the draft because there was one bit where I stalled briefly but it wasn’t really that bad and I couldn’t even really remember it and apart from that it was super smooth...until I remembered that editing counts as writing. And hoo fucking boy.

I was lucky enough to be able to have my fic beta-ed by Philly! Which I’m super grateful for and the fic is undoubtedly better for it! But it was a really difficult process for me because of my anxiety. And I needed to do it rather quickly, because of course I had to have it finished before Christmas, and my family actually was going away for Christmas where we wouldn’t have internet access.

So I get through almost all of the fic. It’s finally almost done. And then right at the end there’s a bit where Alex and John quickly exchange gifts on Christmas morning. Super short scene. And Philly pointed out that, actually, wouldn’t the rest of the family be taken-aback at them exchanging gifts without them?

And I kind of read that and sat back and. that was right. That was 100% correct. So like. What do I do??? Do I involve the other characters? But the original scene was like, three lines. and I don’t wanna have to write a whole new scene lmao. Do I take it out? But in a earlier scene, I’d had John express a worry that the present he’d gotten for Alex was awful and he really regretted it, and I kinda liked that in this final scene we see that actually he’d just forgotten WHY he’d bought it (he’d remembered Alex saying something about it), and I thought that was a nice thing about how anxiety can really fuck with even your memory and stuff bc in the end there genuinely was no reason to worry. It wasn’t necessary to the fic, but it only came about in the writing - I’m pretty sure the outline was just like ‘and then they exchange gifts or somethign??? IDK’ - and I didn’t want to get rid of it again. But then how do I justify them exchanging gifts alone??? 

And so that’s how I ended up just sitting there mournfully or pacing back and forth like p LEASE just SAVE ME, just GIVE ME AN OPTION, I have a HOLIDAY TO PACK FOR and THINGS TO DO and I just want this damn fic to be EDITED and DONE ALREADY. I came up with soo many possibilities, none of which satisfied me,lmao. and eventually after wayyyyyy too long of trying to figure it out I settled on something that seemed mostly plausible and then just. wrote it in and skimmed the rest of the fic and posted it lmao.

Which, honestly, is pretty typical proceedings. I tend to have the general ideas come pretty easily to me, and the actual writing is normally pretty smooth - it’s usually the editing where I start rocking back and forth and cursing myself for ever trying to write :’) (Luckily, at that point I’m close enough to the end that I can usually force it through...!!)

[dadhatsfordays]

Just answer all of them 😁

oh my god 😝

well i still have an hour until i have to go train again so okay yolo :P

1: think of the last person who said i love you, do you think they meant it: well it was my mom, so yeah :P

2: would you date an 18-year old: no

3: when’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time: hmm, probably while running sprints this morning 😝

4: would you ever smile at a stranger: lol yeah

5: is there someone mad because you’re dating the person you are: i’m le single 😎

6: have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today: hmm, nope

7: what exactly are you wearing rn: black soffees, tank top

8: how often do you listen to music: err day :P

9: do you wear more jeans or sweats: jeans out, sweats in the house

11: are you a social or an antisocial person: social

12: have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’: yes

13: what about ‘R’: yis

14: can you drive a stick shift: nooooo, but someone teach me

15: do you care if people talk badly about you: i guess not

16: are you going out of town soon: i wish, i think the farthest i’m gunna go is the beach

17: when was the last time you cried: probably during parks and rec or something silly like that

18: have you ever told someone you loved them: not in a relationship sense, no

19: if you could change your eye color would you: no but i think green eyes are cool

20: is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for: gay

21: name something you dislike about the day you’re having: i know that when training is done i’m gunna go back to being bored again

22: is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead: gay

23: are you dating the last person you talked to: that would be my coach, so no 😂

24: what are you sitting on right now: my bed

25: does anyone regularly tell you (other than family) that they love you: no

26: have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have: when i was in middle school (before i knew i was gay) i wrote this guy Tim a note in art class asking if he would date me and he said no

27: who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night: my best friend, to tell her that i think liza koshy is bi hahahaa

28: do you get a lot of colds: no 🙏🏻

29: where is the shirt you are wearing from: abercrombie

30: does anyone hate you: lmao idk 😜

31: do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room: i actually have two full bottles of angry orchard hidden in my closet, and they’ve been there since december since i don’t drink lol 😂

32: do you like watching scary movies: HELL no 🙅🏼

33: do you want your tongue pierced: also hell no

34: if you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be: oh dangg, uhh probably the hardest one was the year after my first relationship ended, but that was also kinda important, so maybe a high school year?

35: did you have a dream last night: i don’t remember

36: when was the last time you told someone you loved them: it was probably my dog

37: do you think you’ll be married in five years: wow that seems kinda soon, but i guess ya never know

38: do you think someone has feelings for you: i hope, cuz i have feelings for her

39: do you think someone is thinking about you right now: uhh i dunno, maybe?

40: did you have a good day yesterday: i did :)

41: were you in a relationship two months ago: no

42: in the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl: maybe one of my friends

43: has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you: no

44: what’s the best part about school: excuse me?

45: do you have any pictures on your facebook: like 5

46: do you ever pass notes to your friends in school: i mean i passed that one to Tim

47: do you replay things that have happened in your head: oh yeah

48: were you single over the last summer: we weren’t official, even though i wanted to be

49: is your life anything like it was two years ago: not at all, thankfully 😭 although it took a looot of growing pain to get here

50: what are you supposed to be doing right now: probably going to my school to get my transcript sent to the athletics department so i can be cleared to play 

51: do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with: i don’t really talk to guys 😂 so i think it was my coworker, so no haha

52: are you nice to everyone: hell yes

53: have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to: no, i pretty much have a type

54: do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat: absolutely, i would never cheat

55: are you good at hiding your feelings: lol………..

56: do you thinkg you like someone: yeeeis :P

57: have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’: no

58: do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys: the last time i had a guy friend it didn’t really work out well

59: has any one of your friends ever seen you cry: yes

60: do you hate anyone: no

61: hows your heart: its fine atm

62: is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about: hmm not that i can think of, probably just a breakup

63: have you ever cried over a guy: still gay

64: who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now: lmao no one i think 😜

65: are your toenails painted pink? no

66: will your next kiss be a mistake: no

67: girls love it when boyfriends cry, correct: idk

68: have your pants ever fallen down in public: no

69: who was the last person you were on the phone with: i should be calling my boss, but i’m avoiding it 🤷🏼‍♀️

70: how do you look right now: sweaty

71: do you have someone you can be your complete self around: yep

72: can you commit to one person: yep

73: do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to: nope

74: have you ever felt replaced: yep with the last girl i wanted to be with

76: are you a jealous person: try not to be

77: are relationships ever worth it: of course

78: anyone you’re giving up on: like this one girl rn, but thinking about giving up on it 🤷🏼‍♀️

79: currently wanting to see anyone: the same girl haha

80: name something you have to do tomorrow: babysit

81: last person you cried in front of: idk

82: is there someone you will never forget: probably

83: do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you: i wouldn’t know haha

84: if the person you wish to be with were with you what would you be doing right now: 😈 haha

85: are you over your past: yep, i’m just trying to move forward

86: have you ever liked on of your best friends of the opposite sex: yeah i liked him, he even used to give me butterflies, but at the end of the day i’m still gay so

87: is there anyone you can tell everything to: my friends

88: if your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents would you accept: i would feel queasy

89: so, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3am, do you let them in: yes please

90: have you ever liked someone who your friends hated: nope

91: will you be in a relationship in 2 months: who knows, although that seems kinda soon cuz there’s only one person who i’m talking to right now and i can’t tell if it’s working 

92: is there anyone you know with the name Michael: my coach! 😃

93: have you ever kissed a Matthew: gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

94: were you in a relationship in january: nope

95: were you happy with the person you liked in march: i don’t think i liked anyone in march

96: don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive: :P

97: who do you have texts from: my boss, my cousin, my mom, my best friend, the girl i like

98: if the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say: i’d say thanks for letting me know

99: have you ever kissed someone older than you: yes

100: who’s in your profile pic with you: just me

101: ever kissed under fireworks: actually i think i have

102: has anybody ever given you butterflies: yep

okay that was a lot i need a breather lol