#i think its interesting that even the tldr is somewhat lengthy

[spagheddiesquash]

ive got a crazy story time u guys ready for this

its about an old friend group. TL;DR is at the bottom.

basically when i was younger, i was in a friend group of originally four people (in the last year or so of it we had five in out midst instead), and we called ourselves “the llama friends.” what we would do is we obsessed over llamas, and we would roleplay as “llamacorns” which were a mix between a pegasus and a llama, and we all would decide what they looked like. if i remember correctly, mine was chicken nugget themed, it had nugget brown fur(?) with chicken nuggets all over it, the horn was colored like the inside of a chicken nugget, and had “nugget beam” powers, or somethung of the sort. i dont really remember what everyone else’s llamacorns were like. anyway, in our roleplays we would travel through time and space, go to different universes and planets and yeah that was what we did all the time. we were super close and talked with each other a lot, and i remember making a gacha life mini movie about how our friend group came to be, with placeholder names and different looks because i guess i wanted to upload it somewhere??? i dunno man. anyhoo, now heres the part i was meaning to get to. in like 2019, i went to comic con and i obviously had my phone silenced, so all of the messages sent to me or to group chats i was in went unread. so basically, i did check my phone periodically, and so i noticed something was up in the group chat our friend group had. they were all arguing about something, i cant even remember what, but it got super heated and i figured i should just try to enjoy the rest of my day because yknow, i was at a fucking convention for the first time ever in my life and it was the most fun i’d ever had before, so i might as well have enjoyed myself. anyway, apparently shit hit the fan while i was having a blast at the con and as i was driving home, the whole fucking group had been split up, everyone was taking sides and i wasn’t even there to witness the downfall of my own friend group. mind you, these people were all my best friends. they were almost like family to me, and to see how they all bickered at each other and argued and picked sides was heartbreaking. its like everything i cared about was gone in just two hours, and while i wasnt even there to be able to try and deescalate things. but yeah so to this day i can’t remember what the fuck they were all arguing about and i wonder if they were mad about the fact that i was out having fun while the four people i cared about the most tore each other apart. ok so yeah story time over i might try to look back at old messages (i think im still in the group chat) and see what the hell they were all arguing about anyway. in conclusion, i think it’s pretty funny that in the gacha life mini movie i made (which i still have, actually) i implied that the friend group could still last a very long time, just with differing folks in it over the years, and it turned out the whole thing just fucking collapsed in two hours.

TL;DR: i was in a five (previously four) person friend group that had a really big falling out that i wasnt there for because i was having the time of my life at a convention and i feel like an asshole even though that was four years ago.

[forgottenroisin]

How does Roisin prefer someone else confess their love to them, if they want to at all?

dlsfkjaljsdfjsdf unfortunately for you, dear reader, rosie is a character i know very well and have spent a lot of time thinking abt, and this question kinda hits at the heart of a lot of her struggles, so this will, i fear, be quite a lengthy reply! feel free to read however much (or however little!) you like <3 i'll leave some titles around to help you decide what's interesting ;D

META

so!! I'm not sure if this is a question asking 1) whether rosie prefers that ~her partner~ be the first to profess his feelings, rather than roisin speaking out first herself, or 2) if its a question asking what method she would like her partner to use ~in professing his feelings? but i think it's def asking, as addendum, 3) if she wants feelings professed, at all! anyway, i thought i'd go ahead and answer all three questions! and the answers will actually vary! lakjfkljsdf

tldr, tho, in short, the answers are these: 1) yes pls let him do it! 2) just be sincere, and 3) no...in general, but...sometimes yes! but only if she truly wants you around for the long haul!

you can read on for more info ;D

GRIEF VS ROSIE

so rosie is an mbti [ enfp ] and an [ enneagram ] [ type ] [ seven ]! why am i mentioning this? bc, basically, she has conflicting, but related, hopes/dreams and fears/coping mechanisms which is why ur gonna get some uhhhh variety here!

rosie, as we all know, is a big romantic! she was raised on tales of chivalrous knights and brave ladies, and dreams of a fairy tale love herself. she is also, however, aware that real life isn't like that. her active mother slowly wasted away in front of her as a kid; her stepmother is vile and has forced them all into servitude; her father died in failure; her country was smashed by a brutal conqueror. as a result, she considers her wishes somewhat silly and even childish and is a bit down on herself abt wanting these things. but it doesn't stop her from wanting them, notwithstanding.

also ~interacting with the above~ rosie is an enfp, meaning she craves variety: new ppl, new challenges, new projects, and change, but also that she's warm, idealistic, fun, and compassionate (amongst other things! im talking specifically abt relationships w other ppl here)! she loves with her whole heart, but she also hates to be tied down, but also values loyalty and fortitude. she can be extremely casual, but she craves intensity. so! you can def see a conflict here! she wants deep, abiding relationships but also hates feeling trapped/like she can't open herself to every possibility/explore all the world and others have to offer. in the right relationship, this would all be readily achievable, but commitment is intrinsically scary to her and it requires a leap of faith!

which is where her enneagram comes in. in a nutshell, "Sevens fear getting stuck in a rut and missing out on the good life. They cope with this fear by constantly seeking out exciting, novel, and fun experiences." and "The central problem for Sevens is that their pursuit of pleasure is compulsive. Sevens are fear types who are specifically afraid of the power of negative states of mind. These they avoid by seeking distractions in the external environment: by multi-tasking, by keeping their options open, by engaging in stimulation seeking of all kinds."

CHILDHOOD WOUND

every enneagram type comes out of a [ childhood wound ]. for 7s, that's a disconnection from the nurturing figure of childhood (for rosie, the wasting illness and ultimate death of her mother) which tells them "its [dangerous] to depend on anyone for anything. if i stay distracted i won't feel my grief." they feel scared and lonely and empty, in continual pain, lacking something profound and meaningful inside. rosie, specifically, is characterized by a profound fear of loss, and there's only one way to truly avoid loss: avoidance of attachments. something which is, itself, painful for someone who craves deep, abiding connection. in other words, the only way to heal is to risk more of the same pain that broke her in the first place.

bc of this, in general rosie ~is a runner. she enjoys excitement and fun, but after awhile there's a line you cross, right? and after that things get more and more srs, attachments get deeper -- you start relying on that other person. and that's where rosie gets antsy, bc that's the point at which the risk starts to mount. she can lose anyone at any time! what if she loses this person, too? its no accident that the vast majority of her deepest relationships arose through proximity and from early childhood: she didn't really have a chance to run away.

in august, i actually wrote this note to myself: "Got emo thinking abt lfr while working on my space anyway hc incoming: sorcha was reading rosie a compendium of fairy stories when she got too weak to continue — rosie still has that tome and treasures it, has the passages memorized, bc reading them to herself is the only way she can hear her mothers voice again

"Rosie’s grief for her parents differ: her mother suffered a protracted illness and so by the time she died it was almost a release from suffering, and Rosie was too young to fully grasp it, but afterwards spent the rest of her life fearing the loss of loved ones more than anything. Her father was sudden and terrible and the bringing abt of all her worst fears. This grief is a chasm, bc it’s both griefs, in essence, and it’s a big part of why she can never stop running from it"

so yeah ironically she's rarely gonna do the thing she wants everyone else to do which is stick around! she's the ill leave before i can get left type

PIERS AUCLAIR

i do think there have been two occasions on which rosie was prepared to cross that boundary ~in a romantic~ capacity, specifically. before the war, rosie would've been twenty and thus a decade+ away from the inciting incident of her grief/fear. she was living at court and feeling v brave and older and sophisticated and she was sort of seeing a young man who was a young lord in a foreign country, there as part of a party in astaira to treat w the queen

honestly, i def think rosie had a lot of romantic ideas abt this young man that frankly weren't even true. but he was dashing and handsome and exciting, and he knew how to make her laugh, and she felt happy and adventuresome when she was with him and she thought! this is it! this is what ive been searching for! its time to be brave!

and here's the moment we come to the actual question!

QUESTION THE FIRST! does rosie prefer that she or her partner be the first to profess their feelings?

being a big romantic, rosie has some v decided ideas abt who does what! and the ~man is supposed to make the move! that's what happens in the fairy tales! besides, she's sure its also more ~thrilling to be confessed ~to than to ~do the confessing, which is the scary part! and rosie don't do scary! so this is all v convenient ;D

MORE PIERS!

now to the matter of this previous young man! i am, here and now, dubbing him sir piers auclair, knight of the griffin, future lord of the blackwater, from the country of lienor (nonsense information to the rescue! ;D). piers was ngl a bit of a player, but rosie was young and naive and fell for it hook, line, and sinker, and believed whole heartedly that he was in love w her and that, she, herself, was completely in love w him (she ~was in love, but only w the romanticized image she had of him in her head)!

i don't think piers was really a particularly bad person or anything tbf, and he did enjoy rosie, liked her etc, i think, but she wasn't anything v special to him, he was just passing his time w a pretty face and intent upon returning to his soon-to-be political fiancee in lienor whenever the ambassador had successfully charmed this astairan queen. i do think piers knew rosie's attachment was much deeper than his own, but i think it felt good to be adored and he just -- let it go, thinking it would come to nothing and she'd get over it eventually etc

but rosie didn't, couldn't see it -- she thought he was all that and a bag of chips! and she thought that roisin auclair had a particular ring to it and that he did, too, but they were sundered by his duty to his parents who wanted him to marry someone else! but maybe! maybe if she let go all uncertainty, they could fight for the future they wanted, together! her father was just as rich as the other young ladies! a nd true love will always find a way, that's what all the stories said! and, even tho the idea of leaving her family behind and going to lienor was terrifying, she thought it might be worth it for the love of her life!

i think she waited for awhile, hoping he'd finally say what she was hoping to hear, but i think she finally took matters into her own hands and told him that she was in love w him, herself! which honestly took sm courage for her to do ngl! and i think he just stared at her in shock!! and then said smth noncommittal that kinda sorta felt like maybe a reciprocation when you don't poke at it too much!! and rosie was happy not to poke!! but deep down she started to wonder and just tried to force it! IM HAPPY! IM HAPPY! IM HAPPY!

soon thereafter tho the war. piers ran away wo a word just ~hearing abt roderick, abandoning her to whatever end and never reaching out again even by letter, and rosie was confronted w what he really was: even greater a coward than she, esp when she was sent back to malconaire and faced w the unswerving, and ultimately fatal, courage of her father and her home, all things which further reinforced her fears of loss!!!!!!!!! btw!!!!!!!!!

EDMUND

as you probs guessed, edmund is the second time, she's thought she might want someone to tell her that they love her! but she's conflicted abt it, too. let me explain...

i think, now, years after the loss of her father, rosie's starting to feel like she'd maybe like to cross that boundary w edmund...but all the courage she'd built up after the death of her mother has dried up, and she's much more realistic now. she knows what edmund wants; she also knows what edmund needs. and none of those add up to the youngest daughter of a dead and defunct lord: a dowerless girl from a conquered country. and she's equally afraid that if she pushes it, she'll lose him. bc, worse, she knows that -- one way or another -- she ultimately will

atm, she's just tryna enjoy whatever time ~they do have and not look too closely at what hurts!! which, fortunately, is her specialty!!

so her plan is to say nothing and wonder whether she should hope that he tells her he loves her...or not??? is it ~really better if he loves her too?? when it can never be in the end?? and then she gets sad and pointedly distracts herself!!! lakjsdfkljsdfj

QUESTION THE SECOND! what method she would like her partner to use ~in professing his feelings?

ok so you knowwwww that lil!rosie always dreamed of that big dramatic reveal!!! a beautiful, romantic place and moment!!! a big speech!!! a world-stopping kiss!!!!! she def put a lot of planning into this w piers too (which probs did ~not help ~him btw!! sm pressure on it!!)

atp, tho, while she def wouldn't ~mind the above, she's like 'that was just a silly dream!' now, and would def be down w smth much more quiet, lowkey, and down to earth, as long as its sincere -- that's the most romantic thing on earth, she's come to realize! that's what really counts (not all the flashy stuff w/o any substance, which is all that piers really was tbh)! whether its just blurted out thoughtlessly, or said v quietly in a v true moment, planned or not, that sounds absolutely beautiful to her <3333

rosie doesn't wanna put pressure on it, anymore, she doesn't wanna push anyone into saying anything they don't feel, she just wants a true meeting of the hearts even if that's someone saying 'i like you a lot but i just don't feel the same way' yknow? so they can just be open and honest and trust in whatever the truth may be between them

QUESTION THE THIRD! does she wants feelings professed, at all?

so, in summation...in general, no! no she does not want to be that vulnerable w you! she's just here to enjoy a lil harmless fun for you both! but if you get important enough to her, then yes! but now mostly just bc she wants to know where things stand and that she's not alone in this! but she'll also question whether she wants that too! which she questions even more re: edmund, given their necessarily divided futures, BUT she would probs wonder regardless bc -- even denying it to herself -- knowing piers didn't feel the same was painful too so!! there's really no winning w feelings!! lkajflkskjdf

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

ok so!!!!!! i wanna keep this short and sweet but lil!rosie had REALLLLLLLY high hopes for valentina!!!!! she was like 'she'll never be our real mom but shes our new mom and its gonna be beautiful!!!!' she assumed her dad was in love w her (and vice versa) bc they were getting married and yeah!!! obv we all know how this went down!!!! and lbr it was a huuuuge hit on a lot of her romantic dreams and the first real brush w the concept of marrying for duty not love, since her own parents had somehow done both <3 and so she lowkey assumed that's how it always went! until it didn't

now the cassimir/eithne bit! this will be brief but!!!!! this has really been ANOTHER hit to her romantic ideals!!!!!! despite everything she was like 'even if we're poor as churchmice i know we'll either marry not at all or where our hearts reside!' and that was smth true for all her sisters in her mind but now!!!!!!!!! now even ~that peace of mind is broken and yes!! this does impact the above and, actually, not just this part the third, as i was initially thinking, but the others too but my main thought was!!!!!!!! she does NOT want her vers of cassimir coming up and being all 'ill marry you honey' like no! no thank you! pls go away! bc eithne's shown her that maybe the right thing to do is to giveup all ur silly romantic dreams and give in to a life that will always be a lil terrible if it'll benefit others and now she's asking herself 'am i selfish to reject cormac? should i accept him and save eithne???' so him ~not asking and just stating ~that it will be~ has been a boon following ~that lil piece of news!!!!!!!

also!! just learned today abt ladies' privilege (thank you, lizzy!), an old irish tradition where a woman may propose to a man on leap day, and if this is a thing in astaira, rosie's probs wondering, like, should ~she propose to ~cormac? she knows he'd take her!!!! he's made that quite clear!!! and maybe it could save eithne bc, he might be ridiculous, but in rosie's book cormac is better than ~cassimir!!!!!! and yeah!!!!! tis a mess!!!!! (tbh she's probs wrong to think this'd have an impact on eithne/cassimir but rosie always likes to believe there's ~smth she can do!)

[crunchykiwibby]

Kiwi Corner: Nostalgia and Reboots

This is a long and lengthy post.

TLDR; I was talking about my feelings.

When I was growing up, I watched a lot of cartoons and TV. But there was one media that I was attached to and was fond of, retro cartoons. I loved watching Boomerang and seeing cartoons I wasn't able to see. I was a growing history kid also so you can understand where that also came into play. However there was one of my favorite type of era of cartoons I loved- the 80s Cartoons.

The most cheesy era. But when I watched them, they somewhat and somehow made sense...even now. Somethings were outdated but it was interesting none the less. My favorites where obviously the most well known which were Jem and the Holograms, Captain Planet, He-Man, Thundercats, BraveStar, and She-Ra. Those shows had me in a hold when I was a little kid in my room playing with little pet shops with my tv with it's little antenna on Qubo all night to the new place cable television and the Hub ( which is now Discovery Family currently but it used to be my favorite channel when I was in first grade as Discovery Kids with the Magic School Bus, Grossology, Growing up Creepie, etc.) and I seen the Thundercats reboot when I was little on Cartoon Network which wasn't my speed at the time cause I was 9-11 at the time and I still enjoyed watching Winx Club and watching Tinga Tinga Tales ( a show about African folktales, I want that show to be rebooted but not 3D though fully 2D).

But since I'm older I had some appreciation for it cause I understood the route it was going but also I realized that I was much like, " Wowww okay.", and changed the channel.

Then later on the years reboot quiet, I learn about another reboot Voltron. It was interesting! It was sharp and smooth talked about dark topics and then fell later seasons but it was good if you ignored the fanbase and the stories and enjoyed it on your own. Until I learned about the She-Ra reboot.

Now, back then I was excited. The art style through me off of course but I was like hey! It could be a sorta like a love letter to the show! Or even better made She-Ra known for its epic prowess! But of course was I hurt over the fact people made fun of the 80s original? Yeah, obviously. I grew up with it but also I was someone who enjoyed camp and the crazy ridiculousness of it which was the charm and added to the top of the action and plotline.

Then I saw the skirts with shorts discourse. Which I felt was silly because I thought it wasn't a huge deal because it was shorts and a skirt. It was practical and more appealing to today's audience cause you know life and whatever so that didn't bother me.

Then I watched it.

And it disappointed me. Oddly enough.

Because I was expecting She-Ra to get the Voltron treatment art wise, then I was expecting to be wowed the first episode. The only thing I enjoyed was Bow...even then I wondered. Why was I disappointed? It was popular with the Tumblr fanbase, Twitter, and it was popular amongst my friends. So why didn't I like it? At first I thought it was my petty reason.

Like oh it was the art style.

But then I reflected more and more. But I gave up until I watched Masters of the Universe Revelation today and I realized- white feminism. Just kidding it wasn't that at all. It was just the and the emotional part of me. Because the thing was is that, it felt off. I felt kind of like I needed to like it and something felt missing. It had everything! The colors, the plot, and everything. But it was the fact that the original had a certain charm that it had that I felt the reboot lacked. Then it further made me not wanting to give the show another chance from the racially charged joke that was made so it further made me side eye it further. Because one yes there is black farmers but in the context being spoken it came off and it rubbed me the wrong way.

When I first thought of a She-Ra reboot, I wanted it to still had the feminine elements of the show but it carried a level of maturity that wasn't being held back. That's what I wanted. I wanted She-Ra to not be held back. I wanted to see more. Things not being cut or held back from DreamWorks. I wanted She-Ra to simply grow with me.

So that's what made me like Masters of the Universe. It grew with me. I wasn't impacted too harshly when the main person which was He-Man was gone because I knew what I was signing up for and I was also much wanting to see Teela as well because in the original I was curious about her. And it just oddly felt, right? It had the 80s art in the beginning and the epic cheesy eighties and it was aesthically pleasing! There wasn't anything forced to stay and there was a lore tap in. It had things that I wanted.

And it made me miss what She-Ra could've been...

I wanted them seem connected...imagine the powerhouse it could've been..

But what's done is done. And honestly. I don't think She-Ra was better than He-man I think they were both great. Amazing. I felt robbed and wronged. But if you liked She-Ra good on you and if you didn't good on you.

It's not my business, you do you!