#i think it's healthy for kids to be able to experience that darkness in the safety of a movie with a comfortable ending

[mrsonvsyoutube]

This Movie Traumatised Me

[crab-people-overlord]

The Parallel Between the South Park Episode’s Kenny Dies and the Book of Mormon Musical’s Song ‘Turn it Off’ - TW: grief and death

tw for death and the loss of loved ones (and also kinda for religious trauma? idk, my apologies. this got much darker than I intended lmfao)

As a kid who both grew up Mormon who served a mission AND as a lover of South Park… I find the BoM musical so fascinating. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to see the play (though I have plans to one day), but am more than familiar with the soundtrack! Trust that I’ve got it all memorized.

I love all the SP songs M&T come up with, so obviously the BoM soundtrack is no exception. If you’re a SP fan who hasn’t looked into it, I highly recommend it - it’s VERY reminiscent of SP humor with clearly lots of thought and input from M&T, and the songs they have on the SP show. And vice versa, if you’re a BOM musical lover who doesn’t know much about South Park - I can’t recommend enough you check out the show. It has the same level of satire and an almost endless amount of satirical songs.

From what I’ve heard of the BoM soundtrack, it clearly has Matt and Trey written ALL OVER it lol. It’s clear they have close ties to the Mormon community, which makes sense given their location in Colorado growing up. And one of my favorite songs (along with Spooky Mormon Hell Dream of COURSE lol) is ‘Turn it Off’.

Imo, the two (the SP episode and BoM song) clearly have an intentional parallel, particularly when it comes to religious manipulation for what is the ‘correct’ way to grieve the loss of a loved one ‘should be’.

In ‘Kenny Dies’, you have Kenny actually dying for real and for good. Stan in the episode has a very hard time with it in juxtaposition to his friend Kyle, who has a more healthy psychological outlook of grieving and death even as just a kid. This isn’t to say there’s a more objectively good outlook to grieving or that Kyle had an easier time - anyone who has lost a close one too soon knows that there’s genuinely no fair and good way to grieve the loss of a close one. Which is exactly what this episode is trying to portray - that while Kyle’s more healthy way of letting loose his emotional grievances initially can seem like the more emotionally secure way to deal with things and probably is, that doesn’t mean that life makes it possible to do so.

Stan gets very avoidant in this episode, just as he does in many others. He is confused as to how a seemingly all-knowing and caring God would take away someone he loves so much and views as so wholesome and perfect. And his feelings are more than fair and relatable here. This causes Stan to avoid one of his best friends who really wants and needs him at the time as poor Kenny really needs him there at his side as one of his closest and most treasured friends, and it’s not fair to him that Stan avoids him. This hurts SO BAD and is one of the extremely rare times a show makes me tear up, because I think a lot of us who have lost someone so amazing and close can really relate to this feeling of not knowing how to be there when you’re so hurting indescribably bad yourself to the point you feel like you genuinely don’t know how to be there for your loved ones because you’re too fucked up.

In the SP episode, you have Kenny’s literal last words be, “Where is Stan?”

In the Book of Mormon Musical ‘Turn it Off’ song, you have the Elder Thomas’ sister with cancer’s last words be, ‘Where is my brother?” (him singing about himself being said-brother. But his reminiscing in this song VERY MUCH has to deal with Stan’s own feelings in ‘Kenny Dies’.) These two lines can’t be coincidence and show something personal in Trey and Matt’s personal life experiences.

I get that obviously M&T try to bring dark humor to both these parallels, but for me, while I can still find it funny - I get an overwhelming sense that it’s one of the rare times they are also trying to actually be deep here. In the ‘Kenny Dies’ episode, you have that conversation between Stan and Chef where Stan asks, “Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny’s my… f-friend. Why can’t God take someone else’s f-friend?”

And this is a more than fair and realistic question for Stan to ask at 8 years old. Jesus, in my early 20’s, I’ve asked the same fucking question and it’s one of the fucking reasons I left the Mormon church in the first place. Chef responds by saying, “Stan… sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?”

This is clearly written by Trey who had lost someone he loved so very much pretty recently. And it fucking hurts every time to hear that line.

Stan responds, “But then, why does God give us anything to start with?”

To which Chef says, “Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then it would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.”

I think this is the turning point at which Stan becomes a bit more nihilistic and nonchalant about life. But it also doesn’t make that moment where he actually makes the extremely difficult effort to show up for Kenny even more devastating to learn that Kenny had already passed by that point.

Anyways, I honestly don’t know the point I was trying to make here lmfao. Because I don’t think there ever is a point to make about when you lose someone who should have never been lost, other than how you feel is fucking valid— and anyone who says otherwise likely has never had the displeasure of losing someone who a just God would never take in the first place.

And for what it’s worth… if there’s anything I’ve learned from losing loved ones far too fucking prematurely, whether that comes to the stupid fucking healthcare system not taking 21-year-olds seriously when you say they're having a stroke so they literally fucking die because it’s not taken seriously in time (sadly a true and personal story of my brother. I may make occasional dark jokes about this because I only know how to cope w dark jokes so if I ever do please laugh so I don’t cry lmfao) or your best friend killing themselves at age 20 (also sadly a real story), or anywhere in-between… just know that how you process that grief is FAIR and real and there’s no actual REAL moral way of grieving, and any one who says otherwise is SO MORALLY UP THEIR ASSES (not talking about Kyle here btw; I know Kyle suffers just as much in this episode. talking about people in real life who try to pressure to to get over grief a particular way.) You don’t have to be a ‘healthy’ griever like Kyle. It’s okay to be a selfish and angry and non-understanding one like Stan or Chef or Elder Thomas (and by extension, Trey) in The Book of Mormon with his sister.

And if something like “Where was Stan?” or “Where is my brother?” haunts you? Just know that you’re not alone.

Either way- please hug your loved ones closely for me today, even if you’re not much of a hugger like I’m not. I’m really struggling with the loss of a few close ones today (probably in an unhealthy way but can now understand that’s okay though I so wish I’d hugged those folks more), and I hope none of you take your loved ones for granted 💔

P.S. You know what makes this funnier? The Mormon church taught me to "turn off" my bisexual thoughts (word for word lmao; m&t clearly did their research with terminology lmao), and then life taught me you can't actually “turn off” grief or your own sexual attractions lmao. Plot twist: both those lessons of just ‘turning it off’ were bullshit! Turns out feelings are like Kenny – they keep coming back no matter how many times you try to kill them. And I love Kenny and am glad he always comes back… so maybe it’s time to accept that hard feelings can also be healthy to just feel.

So here's to feeling things, even when they suck. Here's to Stan's awkward avoidance, to Kyle's ‘healthier’ grieving (fucking show-off (said lovingly)- I love kyle and look up to him sm tbh), to Chef's cynical theology he teaches to Stan , and to every single one of us who's ever been haunted by a "where were you?"

[starwell-tarot]

How are stans of different Xdinary heroes members like? A tarot reading ✨

Hello villains! And welcome to this tarot reading/ social experiment. This is the Xdinary Heroes version of the reading 'how are stans of different members like". You can find the Stray Kids and Ateez versions in my Masterlist!

Requested by @oraclekleo

For this reading, I have asked my cards three questions per member:

What are the stans of the member like in general?

What do stans of the member all have in common?

What about the member's personality attracts his stans to stan him?

And then you guys let me know if I have read your energy correctly and if you resonate with the reading!

I must say this is probably the most fun I've had with this specific kind of reading before. It was a rollercoaster of different personality types and I truly enjoyed it! Some were really cute and emotional and some were downright hilarious :))

Disclaimer: This is for fun purposes only and should be treated as such. Tarot can absolutely be wrong.

TW: mentions of anxiety. struggles and insecurities (and my sense of humor should also be included in the warnings lmao)

Gunil stans: The ones who shine in the dark

How are Gunil stans like in general? //  Justice XI

Gunil stans are people that have already went through somewhat of a transformation in their life. They've done some self healing, some self growth exercises, they've already searched their past for the lessons they were meant to learn. They might come off as seasoned people, wise, strong, confident, patient and self compassionate. They are responsible and trustworthy, for they believe in fair play, and practice teamwork with true kindness in their hearts.

What do Gunil stans have in common? // VII of Swords, V of Pentacles

Gunil stans were stuck for a very long time with the wrong people. Maybe it's cliche to say, but Gunil stans are different. There's something different in their step, in their smile, in their words, in their actions, doesn't matter. Something is just different about them. And it wasn't seen well by others, so they might have been outcasted or felt misplaced for a long time. But once they're allied with the right people, they become an unstoppable force. Their minds are quick and crafty - they really know how to think outside the box - and their ideas are a spark of genius. Clever, sly and with an adventurous craziness to them, Gunil stans will prove everyone their path is just as valid as everyone else's, even if it is different.

What about Gunil's personality attracts Gunil stans to bias him? // IX of Cups R

It seems Gunil stans feel emotionally soothed by Gunil. Maybe it is his confidence, his bravery to take pride in who he is, his persistence, and the fact that he knows he deserves good things; these could be reasons why - to Gunil stans who might struggle with being able to define their own worth without the need of external validation - he might be a breath of fresh air. Or perhaps he's the right motivation, the role model people needed in order to realize their true potential and start being more thankful and loving to themselves.

Gunil stans might have prominent Libra, Aquarius, Taurus, Pisces placements in their natal chart.

Jungsu stans: The angels

How are Jungsu stans like in general? //   The Sun XIX

Jungsu stans have a very warm and healing presence. They are kind and highly empathetic, reliable and extremely loved by their peers. (As they should be!) They love to take care of people's feelings, so that not only they can solve their problems, but also move on with a healthy heart. Gentle, considerate, supportive beings, they elevate the lives of all their peers. They shine the brightest, when they wear a smile on their faces, when they laugh with geniunity, and when their heart is bursting at the seams with kind love.

What do Jungsu stans have in common? // V of Pentacles R

Despite the bright exterior and the seemingly endless well of love they carry, Jungsu stans have gone/ are going through a lot more than meets the eye. There were moments when they were so hurt, so insecure, so stuck, even taking baby steps in life felt exhausting. But most likely on their own, they got back on their feet again. They are brave, resilient soldiers who always, somehow magically, can overcome and heal anything. One thing's for sure, there's a lot more to them than meets the eye, especially when it comes to life experience and wisdom (which then they use to elevate others!). Jungsu stans are very emotionally developed.

What about Jungsu's personality attracts Jungsu stans to bias him? // IV of Swords

For his fans, Jungsu time is healing time. His presence is very comforting to them, like finally coming home, to peace and quietness. His energy, his healing power, it is a crucial part of his fans' process of comfort and relaxation, and he gets them through the toughest of times. (Literally: emotional support human.)

Jungsu stans might have prominent Leo, Taurus and Libra  placements in their natal chart.

I'm not kidding when I say this, this was so sweet I almost cried. Jungsu is such an angel

Gaon stans: The wild hearts

How are Gaon stans like in general? //  The Star XVII

Gaon stans are quite the non-judgemental and open-minded bunch. They embrace uniqueness and eccentricity and live a life aspiring towards being original and free-spirited. They are friendly and carry a gentle sensitivity, that leads them to be very aware of the happiness of their peers. They probably show how much they care through humor, making people laugh or acting aloof.

What do Gaon stans have in common? // X of Wands R

Despite their goofy appearance, Gaon stans actually care way too much about things, they are in no way as carefree as they appear. They are so caring, and so selfless in fact, that it almost becomes detrimental to themselves and they need to learn how to put themselves first more often. But alas, they are extremely loyal and ride or die, would take a bullet for their peers any day.

What about Gaon's personality attracts Gaon stans to bias him? // Temperance XIV

Gaon stans feels as though Gaon somewhat completes them. Maybe he's the yin to their yang, or maybe they're so similar they can just melt into one singular energy. In any case, they feel in harmony with Gaon, like they can be themselves around him. (Read as: they vibe with Gaon really well.) I also heard "he's my spirit animal."

Just to let you know, I am laughing so hard right now this is so funny

Gaon stans might have prominent Aquarius and Sagittarius placements in their natal chart.

O.de stans: The little gremlins 😛

How are Seungmin stans like in general? //  The Star XVII, V of Wands

Seungmin stans have a certain duality about them. They are both the kindest, most giving and generous beings on earth, but they also eat chaos on toast in the morning. They love helping people and solving conflict, maintaining the peace, but they don't waste a moment getting competitive or going to war for something they believe in. This paradoxical, complex personality might leave some dumbfounded, but it is also a their biggest source of charm.

What do Seungmin stans have in common? // King of Wands R, The Devil XV

As previously stated, Seungmin stans have many sides and a certain complexity, however one of those sides is definitely being playful. Seugmin stans are quite the little devils, they love teasing people, pushing their buttons and playing around with them (harmlessly of course!). Life with a Seungmin stan will never be boring, as much as it won't be peaceful either 😂

What about Seungmin's personality attracts Seungmin stans to bias him? // X of Wands R

Seugmin is the ideal type of many of his stans. Or perhaps, he's taught some of his fans what their ideal even looks like. But wether they knew what they wanted or discovered it through Seungmin, it is clear he holds some sort of ideal. (I mean, he is kind, caring, funny, fashionable, and he can cook? I don't blame you. He can have the perfect boyfriend award.)

Seungmin stans might have prominent fire placements or Capricorn/ Aquarius/ Pisces in their natal chart.

Junhan stans: The otherworldly ones

How are Junhan stans like in general? // The Hanged Woman XII R

Junhan stans are quite rebellious and they don't like the norm. Normal is boring, they seek the things that break the rules and bring more excitement and eccentricity into this society. They appreciate the art of thinking outside the box, finding loopholes and unpopular opinions. They won't be caught following the masses as they think independently.

What do Junhan stans have in common? // II of Swords R

Junhan stans have often felt at crossroads with other people. Like they're surrounded by the wrong people, like they are misunderstood or that they're just build different than everyone else. Perhaps they struggled a lot to escape their outcast reputation.

What about Junghan's personality attracts Junhan stans to bias him? // VII of Wands R

This reading was very interesting. I could feel from the hanged woman and the two of swords that this energy was looking specifically for an energy like Junhan's because of feeling misunderstood and stuck in the wrong place, and they were searching for liberation, aka someone who can finally understand them. I feel there's a heavy emotional connection here 😊 So, as stated before, to Junhan fans, getting to know him was somewhat of an Eureka! moment. An, ah (sigh) finally. Junhan makes it feel okay to be different. He gives strength and courage to his fans as much as the needed comfort. They can finally stop the foolish pretending society "needs" and just be themselves <3

Junhan stans might have prominent Leo, Libra or Pisces placements in their natal chart.

Jooyeon stans: The Fierce Goofballs

How are Jooyeon stans like in general? // II of Cups R, VI of Cups

Jooyeon stans are lovable little goofballs. They're cute and somewhat childish (in a good way) and people seem to quickly adore them. They might also get attached easily, too, or be the types to become inseparable from their friends. They love playing around and enjoying their life as if they are a toddler all over again, and make amazing friends to be around.

What do Jooyeon stans have in common? // The Emperor IV

At first, I interpreted this as stubbornness. Jooyeon stans might be quite fierce to deal with! Rawr 😂 But then I also saw something on the idea of confidence or cockyness. Perhaps their attitude is also full of cocky charm 😁

What about Jooyeon's personality attracts Jooyeon stans to bias him? // King of Swords R, Wheel of Fortune X R

From what I can see here, for many the attraction might have happened before even getting to his personality. People seem to stumble upon him out of sheer luck, and then he begins to have some sort of power over them. Wether it is his voice, his skills, his looks (or his eyes?) he seems to magnetize people in. When it comes to personality though, I'm seeing that his ability to be in the calm center of the storm is very appealing to Jooyeon stans. He's very laid back even in the most stressful situations, and this lack of overthinking and go with the flow attitude could be both admirable and comforting to Jooyeon stans.

When it comes to the natal chart of Jooyeon stans, I got into a bit of trouble because I was literally given 8 astrological placements 😂 (which only shows how broadly liked Jooyeon is. ) I'm gonna go on a limb and say the probably would be higher with the cards from the first two questions, that being prominent Cancer, Scorpio and Aries placements. (But just know, Aquarius, Libra, Gemini, Pisces and Sagittarius were also there.)

From what I've gathered it seems when it comes to XH as well, the stans seem to take after the idol!

Once more, please let me know who you stan and if you found this reading accurate! Let's discuss <3

ALSO TIP: If you're an OT6, you'll probably be a mix of all the readings.

If you like this reading, consider donating to me so I can continue doing more readings!

[ironladders]

I've seen you draw Syzoth shirtless before to show headcanons that contrast his body while he was a slave compared to his body after he had become emissary and I have been curious if you would speak more on your headcanons on those differences. Also any headcanons you have on the scars I have seen you draw on him!

oh yeah im always up for talking about my headcanons with him!!

in short, i just think that during his time as shang tsung's slave, syzoth's diet probably wasn't... the best? obviously shang fed him and gave him water to keep him alive and strong enough to handle the prisoners + any experiments done on him, but i doubt syzoth was being brought gourmet meals fit for a zaterran every evening. combined with the stress of being in such an awful situation, i feel like it'd only be natural for syzoth to have lost a few pounds during that period.

then, after he escapes and starts working for mileena, syzoth would be able to eat + drink more consistently, allowing him to be fully healthy again

when he's older & mmmmmaybe has kids again syzoth 100% has a dad bod

i also imagine that fatigue/lack of sleep he may have experienced also contributes to that; syzoth's eyes do have this tired sunken in look to them (though this could just be his face model's natural features i'm not entirely sure, nrs tweaks faces sometimes so who knows) & fatigue is a contributor to unhealthy weight loss

as for his scars, he has quite a few on his face that can be seen here so i think syzoth having more on his body would make sense

the scars i draw him with on my more detailed art are usually just small ones on area of his skin that are normally covered up by his default outfit. on my more recent painting of him, i gave syzoth these little scars in places that are otherwise covered by his clothing

something i also do is give syzoth autopsy scars on his chest + torso; for those who don't know, these scars are typically the result of a cut done into a corpse during post-mortem in order to examine the body. i draw them in a "Y" shape but depending on who's performing the autopsy they can vary in shape.

obviously syzoth didn't die during his time as shang's slave/experiment, but i feel like with his backstory it'd make sense if he had them. during his time in captivity, shang tsung experimented on syzoth in order to study his shapeshifting and learn to do it himself, as mentioned in mk1. since syzoth's shapeshifting ability is purely biological, and not a result of any magic or other methods, shang would've had to actually study his biology, which to me means..... well, among other things, dissection. getting all up in there.

yes it's a pretty dark headcanon i will admit, but mk can be a cruel universe and shang tsung of all people would do something like that. poor syzoth.... hopefully he wasn't awake, if nothing else

i think that's all i've got? if i have any more specific headcanons about him in this subject, i can't recall them so 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

[sarucane]

Why did Ed headbutt Stede?

This one is fairly straightforward in the show but also fun to rant about so here goes!

I think the short version of this answer is "because Ed had no other way to communicate FUCK OFF at that moment." Ed can't talk, doesn't seem able to move, and is very unclear on exactly what's going on and what he's doing (even a while later he has a deeply revealing conversation with a confused rabbit--he's definitely not all there in this moment). Still, Stede's wrong when he suggests it was an accident: Ed owns the action later when he yells "I'm glad it hurt, that's the point of head butts!"

That being said, it's worth taking in the context for a sec, because Ed does love Stede and there is a theoretical potential for this to go to a very dark place. Balancing the violence of the pirate world with portraying healthy relationships is quite a challenge for these writers, as it'd be easy to tip over from healthy to very unhealthy.

In the same episode, Mary gets stabbed in the back quite deeply (it's knocking on bones) and it barely bleeds, let alone hurts once it's out. Ed and Stede have both been run through with swords but since "the important bits" didn't get hit, they needed no recovery time. Hell, Ed got shot in the arm and hit in the face with a cannonball in S2E2 and he's fine by halfway through E3. A headbutt is nothing on this show, it's like a kid elbowing another kid on the bus.

Ed head butts Stede because he's angry and in emotional pain, he's a pirate and pirates (not to mention many humans) express emotions through violence, and Ed can't break a chair or smash something--so the headbutt is the only available option.

And in terms of walking that line between health and unhealthy/violent relationship: the headbutt not only does not take place while Ed and Stede are in a relationship, it is itself a way of Ed saying "WE ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP 'CAUSE YOU DUMPED ME FUCK OFF." When Ed is in possession of his faculties, he is still using violence to externalize emotions, but Stede is emphatically not a target of that violence.

Ed doesn't even look at Stede from the moment the anger starts rising, and he turns his back on Stede and moves to another part of the room entirely to smash shit. Not the most mature response, but consistent with Ed's character and history while also pointedly sidestepping that dangerous territory.

And Ed's anger fueling the headbutt is completely justified.

Stede and Ed are often in different emotional places within their relationship, but they're rarely as far apart as at the beginning of episode 3. Stede is acting (in fairness understandably given the near death thing) absolutely no differently than he would if they were, at that moment, in a romantic relationship (which fits with his whole "I didn't dump him, we're on a break" schtick). But Stede quite brutally broke Ed's heart, triggering a crisis that led to Ed being so convinced he's "not loveable" that he despaired of living at all.

Stede says "I thought I lost you," and the only appropriate response to that is "YOU DID," and that needs to be made clear to Stede, because there's a difference between "being on different pages in a relationship" and "being on different pages about a relationship existing." Ed is hurt, badly, and Stede's total lack of acknowledgement of that is absolutely infuriating. Like Ed says, hurt is the point of head butts: Ed was hurting and Stede wasn't, and that distance in experiences demanded a response, so Ed seized on the only one available to him.

[novelconcepts]

There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.

What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.

With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.

Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.

It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.

That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.

It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.

In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.

[toomanytookas]

A Fic Menu for Friendship!

My cherished @schnarfer. How wonderful that our little pieces of the internet intersected such that we could meet. It really does feel like I've known you always sometimes...

And how delightful it has been to be a bit of a garçon de cuisine in your kitchen as of late! Inspired by our convo about reclists as pairing menus, for the @swiftiscruff friendship exchange^ I've whipped up a very non-serious one (liberties absolutely taken with the genre) that is a riff on your masterlist and its wonderful contents. 🖤✨

For increased accessibility/given that tumblr can sometimes be weird with images, text of the menu with some formatting preserved is available below the cut! I haven't included links because they're all findable via Al's masterlist; see above!

^Thank you to Cat and Han for creating this event! It's been so lovely to see everyone's posts.

Cafe Schnarfer

Beautiful works handcrafted by head chef Al

Tonight's Menu

-First Courses-

If Wishes Came True (3.87k)

The newest dish on our menu. A perfect tasting platter of some of our chef’s specialties: sparkling love, a character you adore but want to give a firm talking to, and endings that make the angst feel incredibly worth it.

Recommended pairing A healthy slice of cake and a cola flavoured lollipop.

Difficult (12.03k)

The first dish developed for the restaurant! A must for those who enjoy notes of instant chemistry, a bit of self-destruction, a lot of Fleabag energy, and hopeful endings.

Recommended pairing A strawberry milkshake, whipped cream vodka optional* *strongly suggested to make things a little messy, just don’t accidentally give it to the kids

-Entremet-

Purple Haze (5k)

An opportunity to take a brief break from our menu's angsty notes to indulge in a heady, vintage-styled treat. This isn’t your average op-shop find, we’re talking high-end fashion, baby!

Recommended pairing A couple of gin bucks should do the trick. Or just the ginger ale if you’re not in the mood for a buzz!

-Second Courses-

Go Your Own Way (10.87k)

A dish close to the hearts of our whole kitchen. A perfect selection for those who have fallen for a fuckboy and find it therapeutic to recognise your past in a wonderfully raunchy but still angsty story. The finish of this dish manages to incorporate senses of both sadness and hopefulness, making for a cathartic aftertaste.

Recommended pairing A warming Mexican hot chocolate. You'll appreciate how it matches the spice and provides you with some added comfort when things get achy.

Endurance (15.11k)

You will never forget the first time you experience this dish and will always find a way to convince yourself that you aren’t boring for ordering it time after time. A slice of spiciness coupled with a heavy dash of the forbidden add immense depth to a texturally rich feast full of historical flavour.

Recommended pairing A U.S. Army-issued chocolate bar and maybe a prairie oyster for the vibes. But then make sure to treat yourself to some actually  nice-tasting chocolate.

-Dessert-

The Kit Kat Trilogy (16.25k)

The dessert you’ll think about for 10 years and then come back for more. Save room because it is full of delicious angst and delightful romance that you won’t be able to help but consume whole. On a day when you’re low on time, you’ll consider stopping by for just another taste of this memorable sweet treat, we guarantee it.

Recommended pairing A full roast dinner. Even if it’s just for yourself. And maybe a glass of champagne to throw at the wall when things get angsty for a sec.

-Digestifs-

Dial Drunk (7.70k)

Let’s celebrate the end of our meal with lots of hope that emerges from some long-endured darkness.

Recommended pairing The loveliest hot breakfast you could possibly make, full of all your favourites and with plenty of food to go round.

Illicit Affairs (7.47k)

Let’s derail the end our meal with a real hot mess. Maybe you’ll wish you had picked the sweeter option, but, damn, you’ll enjoy the deeply achy ride.

Recommended pairing Wrap yourself in a blanket warm from the dryer for this one. And maybe have some water? The lack of flavour will be a good break from the intensity of it all while still keeping you hydrated.

I love you, Al! 🖤😘

[imaginedreamwrite]

Brave New World: Part 11

“Grumpy old men.” Natasha leaned toward the camera, her green eyes narrowed in question through the video call that had been missed twice now. “How’s being mated for the second time? Is it everything you hoped for?”

Through the screen, both Steve and Bucky could make out the slightly blurred lines of colourful ink and the shaky sketch of a sun peeking through clouds. The picture itself was kept behind a frame made of dark wood that was hung on the wall, the colourful image was partially shielded by Natasha’s body and head yet they could still make out the rough lines. It was a gift from one of Clint’s kids and had largely represented what they had all wanted: mates, pups and the blissfulness of life at home.

Steve and Bucky had no other chance for pups, they had been told no by countless different doctors and with enough vehemence to make the alphas completely give up on their dreams of kids. They were destined to spend their lives feeling like something was missing from their lives and despite the happiness, they had with each other, there was always a want for more.

With Bucky and Steve’s desires temporarily resolved, they had kept to the constant fights that raged the world, until they found you. Now they had the ability to experience everything they ever desired, to have what they had always craved.

“Better than we thought it could be.” It was a peacefulness that rolled off Bucky’s tongue, a kind of easement that had drawn admiration from their close friend. “Her heat was intense.”

“I know.” Natasha leaned back against her desk chair and crossed her arms over her chest, her red hair pulled out of her face in a simple plait, the messy nature of the bride indicating how relaxed she was.

“Strange, Bruce and I have been working over the samples we took from her when she arrived. She is, as far as we can tell, completely pumped full of super-soldier serum. We talked about it before, and we mentioned that her heat would be intense and it was all designed for omegas to carry healthy pregnancies without issues.” Her eyebrows had furrowed and there was distance reflected in her eyes, a far-off look that led to an intense moment of thought.

Steve and Bucky were watching her through the screen, taking the time given to them while she slept and regained her strength from the debilitating heat. It left you exhausted and drained, even as enhanced as it was, you were tired from the sheer amount of sex you’d had with Steve and Bucky. They had done everything they could too and with you, the three of you joined by heart, mind, body and soul.

“We’ve run simulations and we think the first heat with you could result in pregnancy. It’s…extremely likely that she’ll come out of this first heat expecting. Even if she isn’t pregnant, you should start making a nest sooner rather than later. She will become agitated unless she has a space of her own, separate from your room. She will likely have an anxiety attack when she finds outs she’s pregnant, it’s been drilled into her mind from her previous reality that she was nothing but an incubator.” Natasha addressed them with unreserved honesty, a message that would hit them with both urgency and caution.

Steve and Bucky hadn’t denied or argued with her warning, they had already known that there would be some fallout and reactionary anxiousness. Both Steve and Bucky knew that the damage is done to you by the reality you escaped were not ridden from you, it was still there within your mind. Whether you knew it or not, whether you wanted to acknowledge needing help, you needed someone to talk to.

“She needs therapy.” Bucky verbalized what they were both thinking, the truth able to fall from his tongue without a struggle, it was fuelled by the instinctual need to protect and shield his mate. “She’s been through hell. Physically she’s safe but emotionally and psychologically…”

“I agree, she needs therapy. I know a psychotherapist who can help, she can telecommunicate or you could arrange to have her come to you.” Natasha drew herself away from the screen and stood, signalling the end of the video call. “Get started on a nest, make her feel comfortable. It’s more likely than not-“

“We’ll let you know when we know.” Steve astutely answered before Natasha could finish, attempting to keep himself as levelheaded as possible despite the bubbling excitement that started to boil under his skin.

“I’m happy for you too. Hurt her and I’ll come deal with you personally.” The call ended with three beeps, the black screen reflecting their own image while the two sat still and rigid.

Steve and Bucky remained still as they processed the information they had been given. It hadn’t felt like anything new to them. They knew the super-soldier serum that you’d been given had made your heat more intense, they had been through one, and they knew that what you had been given was meant to result in a pregnancy as soon as possible. They knew that and yet it felt as if this was the first time they were hearing this, it was as if this was the first time they’d been allowed to fully comprehend what was said to them.

They wanted pups so damn badly, it’s what they’d been dreaming of and hoping for. Their deepest and most intense desire for an omega and children was on the cusp of becoming fulfilled, they were finally able to have the kind of white picket fence they’d only dreamed of.

“Y/N,” they called your name, ascending the stairs with something for you to eat and some tea to help you recover from your heat, “can we come in?”

Given all that you had been through and what you survived, something as small and minute as asking permission to come into your space was pivotal. You weren’t given the kind of rights you deserved, your entire life had been controlled for the betterment of people who didn’t deserve you. It was integral that both Steve and Bucky gave you the choice an the freedom to be able to shut them out if you wanted.

“I’m in here.” You answered quietly, following your first statement with a soft ‘yes’, granting them permission to step into the room.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the mirror is where they found you. Clothes scattered around the room were an unassuming mark of chaos from your need to build and rebuild your first-ever nest. Since you’d gone through your first heat and had been marked, mated in full, you had been dealing with the shift in your emotional, mental and physiological being.

Your previous reality stripped omegas of their ability to be marked and mated, to be loved and cared for like they should have been. You had never truly learned or been made aware of the changes that would come upon you after being given their marks, even being taught by them wasn’t enough.

Steve entered behind Bucky, setting the plain wooden tray of food and tea down on the top of the dresser arranging it in a way that it wouldn’t fall off and then he joined Bucky. The two of them had sat close behind you, Bucky to your left and Steve to your right, both your alphas presenting themselves with comfort and warmth.

“We should talk,” Bucky had broken the silence between you, reaching out to rest his hand on your arm, fingers trailing the soft edge of your elbow. “Y/N, sweetheart can we talk-“

You had gripped Steve’s shirt tightly in your hand, your fingers wrapped in the soft cotton as if it was a security blanket. You hadn’t answered Bucky at the moment, rather you had lifted Steve’s shirt to your nose and inhaled his scent, a gentle shiver rushing through you. Only when you were ready had you turned back to look at them, guarding yourself and your abdomen instinctively.

“You have to promise me…” You twisted his shirt in your hands, easing yourself to the point where you could communicate what you had on your mind, regardless of the self-preservation you wished to root yourself in. “I know I’ll end up pregnant sooner than later.”

“Y/N-“ Bucky cupped your arm, his thumb brushing your skin back and forth as you swallowed your words and fidgeted where you sat.

“I know you both want children, I’m not…it’s almost impossible for me not to end up pregnant from this first heat and…” They could see you biting down on the inside of your cheek, they could see the wheels in your head turning, every thought and experience you’d had in your previous reality coming back to haunt you.

“It’s why we were injected with the super-soldier serum, we were the fix for a broken world. We were the solution even against our will, and I know that you’re not-“ you averted your gaze, digging your nails into your bare legs through Steve’s shirt. They could detect every pulse of fear that was being pushed through your scent, they could detect every strike of anxiety and antic, every hit of survivor’s instinct that told you to do whatever it took.

“If you’re not ready…we can take care of it.” Steve moved closer to you, resting his hand on your knee and using the other to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Take care of it?” Your eyebrows had become furrowed and your lips pursed in thought. You reached for both of them, hands grasping onto their forearms, stabilizing yourself while your mind ran wild in different directions. Your screwed your eyes closed and took a deep, slow breath to calm yourself down, fixating yourself on Steve and Bucky as your alphas.

“I know what you mean, I know what you’re talking about.” You leaned forward, further toward them both, and exhaled slowly. “I never thought I would have this chance, to have a choice and to be in a safe enough place that I would want…this.”

“Despite what we want, it’s your choice.” Bucky tipped your chin, catching and holding your wavering gaze. “Regardless of what Steve and I want, it’s ultimately your choice. We want your happiness, we want you to feel safe and comfortable.”

“I want this, I want pups. I always have but I wanted them on my own terms.” You grabbed Bucky’s hands first, resting it upon your stomach, weaving your fingers in with his. “I wanted the right to choose, I wanted the freedom to decide for myself. When I gave myself to you, both of you, I knew that this was my choice to make. The serum it’s…it can only control me so much, but this is all I’ve ever wanted. I just wanted to choose for myself.”

“You have the choice, you have the freedom to decide.” Steve whispered to you, he welcomed you to lean into him and settle yourself into his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned against him, hiding your face in his neck while breathing in his comforting scent and revelling in the safety he gave you.

“I want this, with both of you. I want this because I can choose to.” You mumbled against his neck, curling in on him with your legs drawn to your chest. “You have to promise me something.”

“Anything, doll.” Bucky encroached on you and Steve, the two of them creating this barrier that figuratively protected you from the world. “Whatever you need.”

“Promise me that you won’t let anything happen to us.” You craned your neck and looked at Steve through your lashes, vulnerable with him and Bucky in a way you’d never been with anyone else.

“No one,” Bucky drew his hand to you, cupping your jaw in his soft yet strong hand, “will hurt you. No one will ever hurt you like that again, I promise.”

“We both do.”

Permanent Tags List: @jennmurawski13-writes @beardburnsupersoldiers @rebekahdawkins @supraveng @bookfrog242 @old-enough-to-know-better73 @loveitorleaveit20 @alexakeyloveloki @socalgem1124 @mogaruke @dreamlessinparis @frisky975 @dispatchvampire @hereforbuckyandsteve @jesgisborne @fairybnha3 @hallecarey1 @tang082646 @mrslokibarnesrogers @deputy-videogamer @posionivy0061 @loving-life-my-way @kaylamcd2000 @mercyy98 @rootcrop @whatinthestyles @slutforsteve @cornmousequeen @rededfoxy @yagurl-snow @glimmering-darling-dolly @patzammit @buckymydarlingangel @missusbarnes-rogers @andy-is-gay @nervousfandom @rileyloves5 @emi11ie @carelessreadersstuff @readingandwritingandreading @cynic-spirit @inkedaztec @gh0stgurl @cats-and-sheep @pono-pura-vida @seitmai @teambarnes72 @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @miss-rebel-without-applause

[nprescott]

Nathan & Sex cw: sexuality, sexual abuse,

So I briefly went into Nathan's sexuality before. But I wanted to go into it a little bit more. Note: some of this diverges depending on rp partners, namely Nathan's relationship to Rachel Amber (as well as if anyone rps any of Nathan's family members).

We see a lot of things that imply that Nathan has certain sexual interests. Namely a lot of more bondage-y pictures in his room. I am gonna go into this sort of stuff a little bit, but first I want to start with background information.

Nathan was exposed to sex at a very young age. Namely, his father's rampant abuse of his mother early in his life. This often included demeaning sexual comments. Still, as a child he didn't really understand it that much.

BUT, as a kid who was given things to distract or pacify him, Nathan was given open access to the internet at a young age. By the time Nathan was around 10 or 11 he had seen some pretty messed up stuff online. The only person in his family that tried to intervene was his sister. At the same time, Nathan's father was very homophobic to him due to his less traditionally masculine interests. So Nathan was constantly called slurs for not being the way his dad wanted him to be. He also was exposed to sexual material by his father in an attempt to "prove he's straight". In that way, Nathan was incredibly desensitized to a lot of sexual content when he was fairly young.

Nathan did not have a healthy view of sex at all. He saw it mostly degrading or purely for enjoyment. He didn't even consider it in the context of romance. Maybe in movies and books, but he didn't really think of that beyond art. In his mind, there were two things. Artistic sex and real sex. And the two things were vastly different.

This is a divergent point too for if I am rping with a Rachel or without since I would never impose this on anyone. But by default, Nathan and Rachel had sex at a party. And Nathan already had a crush on her. It was his first real sexual experience and it was incredibly special to him. He acted cool about it but he wasn't at all. He became even more infatuated with Rachel. It was a joining of the two 'versions' of sex Nathan saw. It was the first time he ever even equated sex with romance in that way. And she likely saw it more as a casual hookup. Nathan knew that he shouldn't be as enchanted as he was. But it is a moment in his life that really meant a lot to him.

After Rachel, Nathan has had a few sexual encounters. Usually didn't get that far. But it's happened a few times. Usually when he's drunk out of his mind and trying to forget it all.

Now as for his tastes, Nathan is very much into more bdsm types of stuff. We know he is interested in "darker" things. I do want to say it's more in a porn type of stuff. In actual practice, he is way too inexperienced to really mess around with it. Even more so since his experiences were all spontaneous and drunk/high.

And I want to point out the elephant in the room: The Dark Room. Nathan did not get off to that stuff. At a certain point, closer to their falling out, Nathan reasons that Jefferson IS. He, prior to that, had Nathan wrapped around his finger to the point that he genuinely was able to shoot down any of his concerns.

On the subject on Nathan's bisexuality. It's not something he accepts due to his father's repeated bullying of him for his less masculine traits. When it comes to his type, he hasn't even begun to explore that. He denies it so much that he hasn't even tried to explore it.

As for girls, he doesn't have a defined type. That saying: he isn't that picky. He tends to enjoy girls with strong personalities with a slight preference for "rebels" and "bad girls". But there is also a certain appeal to good girls (like kate and max). Nathan is... Well, a teenage boy. He isn't exactly picky when it comes down to it. After Rachel, he doesn't really want a serious relationship. He is obviously attracted to Kate, Chloe, and debatably Max. They all have wildly different vibes.

Nathan was not like sexually abused in a traditional sense. But he was exposed to it very young by his parents and lack of supervision. Enough that it definitely did SOME damage.

[devil-doll13]

Zachariah ‘Zach’ Johnson NSFW Alphabet

Tw: Smut

I am inexplicably down bad and thirsty for this man so you have to deal with this now. I love doing these alphabets since it allows me to procrastinate more on actual writing lol

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It depends on what kind of sex it was. Generally he’s inclined to leave before his partner wakes up if there was no real feeling behind it, but with you in a serious relationship it might be different. Zach’s moments of gentleness are typically offset with a healthy dose of snark that might make you want to smack him in the face instead of taking his offer to get you some water. He’s genuinely trying, though. And yes, he will carry you to the bath and help you run one for the both of you, just be prepared for him to brag about how he blew your back out in the process 🙄

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He’d likely say his back, as in spite of how scarred up and rough it is (although that may have augmented his good looks to you…) it is also strong and broad, the sort of thing he’d see as attractive. He also thinks of his… Single eye. It’s that deep, dark brown colour, And yes, he has tried the Flynn Rider smoulder before. No, it did not work.

Your back and the small of it is also a place he finds his gaze wandering towards at times, and he has the habit of holding you there. Heaven forbid you wear something that shows it off, in that case he won’t be able to keep his hands off you. Zach also has a healthy appreciation for your thighs, just saying…

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He cums about an average amount, and it’s fairly watery. It sort of just gushes down his length rather than releasing in spurts. Zach is another one who’s cum probably doesn’t taste very good - he’s a heavy smoker and drinker, remember - but he’s not too bothered where it goes. I can also see him preferring the use of a condom overall because he doesn’t want kids (if you can get pregnant) and it makes cleanup relatively simpler.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Considers his occasional bottom tendencies to be this. Zach probably sees sex as another way to gain back control in his hectic life so he thinks of himself as strictly a dom, but he… Definitely cannot deny how his body reacts to aggressive flirting. He’s always been the one to chase, so being sought after himself is thrilling even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

He also finds himself attracted to people he normally despises way more often that he thinks he should.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Very experienced. He gets around quite a bit, and he’s known all sorts. Basically, he can tango, so have no worries. Even if you have no idea what you’re doing, he’ll do his best to make it an enjoyable time for you. He’s not heartless after all.

If anything, the one thing he doesn’t know how to navigate all that well is a serious and committed relationship. Sex is one thing, feelings are another. That said, if he’s decided to actually dedicate himself to you, he’ll try his best although he might have some… Endearingly old-fashioned views of what he should do for dates and such, haha. Behind all that bravado and James Bond mimicking is a dork with unfortunately a lot of baggage - the reason why he doesn’t really want to get hitched in the first place - honestly you might find he’s most charming when he isn’t trying to be.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Considering he spends so long fucking you with his eyes, it might come as a surprise that he avoids eye contact during casual sex. It just feels too personal to him in the moment, y’know? So in that case he prefers facing away from you. If you’re in a serious relationship it’s a little different, but he’ll still take a bit to warm up in being vulnerable with you. Either way, he loves fucking you against the wall or table, or having you bounce on his lap. Lying down has him needing to resist being lazy, which isn’t good if he’s still on the job, but he’s a power bottom at heart and the power trip of being able to sit back and enjoy his cigarette while you just use him is pretty tempting.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Zach is pretty lighthearted during sex, sometimes maybe too much tbh. You might wish he could be more serious, or at least try not to ruin the moment. Eventually you’ll realise this is his way of processing things - sometimes getting past some embarrassment as well - but eventually he’ll figure out when there’s a particularly bad time to stick his foot in his mouth and can it then. It just takes a while.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Most of his body hair is on his face, arms, legs and there’s a tuft on his chest as well. It’s all quite dark so it stands out, and his pubic hair especially is very curly. His personal shaving routine is basically designed to give him as much five o’ clock shadow action as possible, so just be aware of the scratchiness when he kisses (or goes down on) you.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Again, it depends. He’s capable of being detached and quick with it, very much a “wham bam thank you man/mam/etc.” affair lol. That said, he enjoys the seduction, the allure and desire, so it’s never really cold or callous. More like a bright flash of heat that’s gone too soon. He eases into more ‘romantic’ sex the longer he’s attached to you.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Tbh I think if Zach was horny he would probably rationalise that it’d be easy for him to find someone to scratch that itch rather than using his hands. He doesn’t mind holding off for a while either; while he can be impatient with certain things, he enjoys the tension and release that comes with being made to wait, even if you make it frustrating.

Besides, if you tease him that just means he’ll have to get you back…

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Edging, Overstim, Lingerie, Biting, Light Bondage (most likely tying you up or using handcuffs, but he’ll experiment with other things), Light Spanking.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Realistically? A hotel room he’s rented out for exactly that purpose. You could do it in one of The Organisation’s safe houses as well but they don’t have very comfortable beds… That’s only a problem if you don’t like it though, he’s very relaxed and will literally take you anywhere: the busted sofa, the desk/table (after he clears all the files off of it), against the wall… You’re starting to think he actually prefers changing it up a little, that he finds it exciting. Besides, how else will he show off his strength other than holding you up?

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

It’s really not that difficult. He certainly has a good handle on your body language, so when you give him ‘that look’ he’s pretty much ready to go. Hey, he’s just not the kind of guy who wastes his time, okay? And he appreciates a well dressed partner, so he’ll notice if you gussied up to look all good for him. It only makes it all the better once he gets to undressing you; and he loves watching you try to get his clothes off as well, prompting him to tease you even more. He’s a sucker for nice smelling perfumes/scents as well.

I’m willing to bet he also thinks you’re hot when you’re mad, whether you’re going off on someone else or him lol. He’s infuriating that way; angry sex is definitely on the table (probably where you’ll end up fucking) and I wouldn’t put it past him to end up attracted to someone who he believes he hates or feels competitive with either.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Causing you any pain that goes beyond something like light spanking or biting, knifeplay or gunplay because he’s more cautious than you think, and also anything to do with pregnancy/having kids. That is an entire discussion in itself.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

It’s probably not that surprising that he enjoys receiving the most. He particularly enjoys guiding you and telling you how good you’re doing as you suck him off. Maybe take this opportunity to get your own back on him and edge him; he won’t stop you even if it irritates him.

He always enjoys a challenge, after all.

That said, he prides himself in being a passionate lover and he would never neglect you. He feeds off of your noises and reactions so his eye often flickers to yours as he goes down on you. He likes to drag his stubble against your thigh to annoy you though lol.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He prefers a mixture of both, makes things interesting, especially when he changes pace on the fly in order to tease you. A quickie will have him mostly chasing the high, but as time goes on and you get more serious Zach will probably slow down a bit. Plus, he also kinda gets lazy/tired sometimes.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Most of the time Zach practically runs on quickies, a.k.a one night stands with strangers, so with you he’s also perfectly capable of a quick encounter and then back into the fray again. Of course, with you he might be more inclined to drag it out, especially in edging you since he’s found he enjoys that. But yeah, he’ll default to quick if you’re in the mood and you don’t have that much time. It’s very casual for him.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Yeah he’s game, Zach is actually pretty open to most things unless it crosses some big boundary of his. You’ll probably have to be the one to bring it up though since he’ll mostly stick to what is tried and true if left to his own devices. I mean… It’s also because he’s had plenty of time and energy to understand what he likes before, so…

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Zach is so athletic, he’s used to strenuous physical activities and this is no different. That said, he’s partial to getting in maybe two really good rounds instead of squeezing in as many as possible. It also fills him with way to much pride if he tires you out enough for you to be the one tapping out.

(Especially since with you he sometimes likes to tease and drag it out bc he’s an asshole)

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I’m not sure if he’d go as far as to pack one himself considering he does have to be selective with the stuff he owns travelling around in a car most of the time, but Zach is perfectly willing to use toys on you. Now if you count things such as handcuffs as toys, he does have those and is quite eager to make use of them during sex. I think he’d enjoy tormenting you with a vibrator, he gets off being in control of your pleasure like that.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He’s mean tbh 😭

The one thing he loves most is hearing you whine and beg for him to show a bit of mercy on you. If it’s a quick encounter he’s less bothered about this and more interested in just feeling his pleasure, but you’ll find his sadistic streak might translate over to your activities in the bedroom at times. He’s not going to deny you your orgasm; you will always get it, just not yet. And when you do you might regret it, because he’ll stimulate you into oversensitivity and make fun of you for that; isn’t this what you wanted?

You’ll probably have a safe word just in case though.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s a dirty talker, so much you might want him to shut the hell up sometimes. But there are times where he can really get under your skin and he knows it. Zach swears under his breath a lot and often praises you if you do something particularly good. He believes in giving you encouragement, yeah?

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

His father works as a wood carpenter and would often make little wood carvings for him. I know I’ve mentioned the angel before that he keeps but I also imagine things like cars, animals etc. Zach has tried in the past to emulate him and carve wood himself, but he never got the hang of it and he lacked the patience to not get so frustrated with it that he just wanted to quit.

Maybe an oddly wholesome hc to put in this alphabet but 🤷‍♀️ I just wanted to get it out

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

7 Inches, thin-ish, sleek and cut. His dick curves a little upwards. Zach knows how to use it to go deep, and to hit just the right spots.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Fairly high, he’s young and fit and with lots of steam to blow off. Sex is one of his methods of coping with his stressful and often traumatic life. It’s sort of like a sport to him when he’s doing it casually, and he always makes it clear in those case that there’s nothing else to it than that.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Doesn’t tend to sleep afterwards, mainly because he’s used to recouping and leaving after quick encounters. Zach mellows out a bit, his sweaty chest heaving with exertion as he leans back and lights a cigarette… (He’ll probably offer you one unless you make it clear before you don’t smoke) If you have a moment of respite however, Zach would love to roll over and get some snoozing in with you beside him.

(Taglist: @rottent33th, @slaasherslut, @myers-meadow, @the-pinstriped-hood, @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better)

Let me know if you want left off/added to my nsfw list as always

[marshmallowprotection]

I would absolutely cry if Saeran made clothes for my bear. That's so cute. He better be ready to have matching PJs too. we're ALL gonna match

How would he feel if I gave him my bear to cuddle with at night? If we're in the same bed it probably wouldn't be much of a difference bc my bear will be there anyway (even if I'm not holding him he's still there), but what if we're in separate places? Either bc he didn't want his nightmares to wake me up or some other reason. Mr. Bear was always good at keeping away nightmares and spooky things hiding in the dark.

Saeyoung can borrow him too, if he wants. My little brother used to borrow him sometimes when we were kids. He'll help anyone who needs a good night's sleep ❤️🧸 ~webkinz anon

GE Saeran would appreciate that. When you think about it, there's a good reason why so much of the content that takes place after his route involves his enjoyment of plushies. It isn't just about the texture and the way they make him feel. He wasn't able to have a childhood where he could enjoy things the same way any other person could. The fact that he's allowed to experience his childhood again through a means like this is a healthy outlet.

Not only does he get to experience this sense of whimsy and allow himself to be vulnerable, he gets to share it with you and what's more beautiful than that? The best way to enjoy something that people may consider childish is in an environment where you have people who support you and want you to enjoy yourself instead of hiding or stifling how much you enjoy something.

That's a good lesson most people could stand to learn when it comes to shaming others for having a good time.

It might not be how you enjoy yourself, but that doesn't mean that somebody else isn't allowed to enjoy themselves in that way. Saeran would be able to have a sense of security with you he might not get from the world which is a shame but as long as you're on his team, that's what matters.

So, in the long run, you better prepare to be collecting dozens of plushies between the two of you. I don't think that's such a bad thing because not only did you get to enjoy the comfort of cuddling with your friends, you get to do so with your favorite person in the world. There has got to be something poetic about being able to share this kind of vulnerability with your partner.

So, why wouldn't he appreciate you giving him your bear? He knows what it means to give something that's yours... so unspeakable yours in every way... to someone else. It's trust. It's faith. It's something he's never going to forget when you make the offer. He knows what you're trying to do for him. You want to comfort the vulnerable person inside of him the way you help yourself. It's enough to make him cry.

He will hesitate before taking your bear, though. His instinct is to ask if it's okay. Saeran doesn't want you to do something for his sake if it will only make things harder on you, but if you press, he'll take it into his arms with a smile. Don't worry, he will return the favor to you when he finds a stuffed animal that speaks to him like your bear does. (It's definitely the shark that Saeyoung got him.) For some reason, it does help him with nightmares—

But, Saeran thinks it's because you're there to protect him, with your unwavering selfless love to share every part of yourself so he doesn't need to feel afraid anymore.

[bonesandthebees]

Anyway, still working backwards. Techno time : D. This man deserves compensation for having to witness Tntduo be Like That. I do very much love the curfew jokes. It’s Wilbur getting do experience normal teenage things even though he’s no longer a teen because he never really got to. It’s the same with him learning to do the chores. It’s nice and it’s cute and it’ s healing in small ways.

And I’m not at tntduo yet, but it’s very fun how Wilbur’s annoyed at having to go so he makes Techno get the check and Quackity instantly jumps on. They are made for each other (in some very fucked up way). Also, poor Aimsey having to wait up. What Time is it.

Anyway, Techno is a responsible uncle to all the Deathling kids. So he sends Aimsey go bed and goes to drag the Pythia down as well. And it’s probably partly not wanting to stay up himself. He had to do the night watch thing for months and watching Tommy go mental being bored must be tiresome too. The man needs his sleep. Though I feel like wanting the Pythia the get a healthy amount of sleep might also be part of it.

And then there’s the seeing Wilbur and Tommy separated comment. Might also be a little bit of the actual reason since Techno doesn’t really get how there relationship developed. Though I’m sure he understands it a bit better now that he knows how close they are in age. That makes it a lot more likely for them to click.

Knowing how old Wilbur is also brings other shifts. To me, it feels like Techno is a little more protective of him. Protective might not be the right word, but he does want to make sure no harm comes to him despite ‘taking his chances’ with Wilbur falling down the stairs. He’s keeping a very good eyes on where Wilbur is and how much progress he makes. He’s also sticking close. I have a feeling that if Wilbur tripped, Techno would have been able to catch him, even without night vision.

Techno has already accepted that the Pythia is here to stay. I have a feeling both him and Phil are in agreement that he should never return to the palace (and not just for safety purposes). So while Wilbur isn’t a part of the Deathlings, he’s still become part of their people. He can navigate the bathhouse in the dark with ease. He’s doing fine on the stairs too. He’s adapting to this new life and he’ll keep getting better. But the thought throws Wilbur off.

And even though it’s a different universe and different character and a different dynamic, I have missed Techno being blunt and then realising he ‘messed up’ when it throws Wilbur off. Anyway, I’m point was that glass!Techno is gentler with Wilbur now that he knows his age. He still pushes, but there’s less force, more care. He calls him kid and there’s a higher level of empathy knowing how old he was and what he went through. But I’ll get to that in the next ask.

(1/?)

-🌲

yeah!! I love making the small teen experience jokes because it just shows wilbur finally getting to experience some semblance of normalcy he never got when he was younger. also. poor techno.

wilbur and quackity immediately making techno pay for the drinks was so funny I love their dynamic in this. and yeah poor aimsey although it's not terribly late. it's like midnight-ish probably in that scene?

literally most of techno's motivation for getting the pythia to leave was just because he wanted to sleep. mans is tired. he has to supervise tommy most of the day that's an exhausting job for anyone

I'm glad you were able to pick up on techno's dynamic being a little bit different with wilbur now!! I wanted it to be subtle, but yeah he definitely thinks of wilbur a bit differently now that he knows his age. he's a bit more understanding and has a better perspective on why he acts the way he does. also yeah he 100% would've been able to catch wilbur if he fell down the stairs lmao. he was keeping such a close eye on him in the stairwell

[lesbian-ed]

Hi. I don't know if this blog is still active but in case it is I was hoping maybe to hear some thoughts from you, or maybe even your followers, about confidence and comfort towards one's own body. Like how to deal with anxiety. I am lesbian, obviously female, way too old, I've never had sex, or even really dated. I don't approach people romantically because I hate my body and distance myself from all chances for dating. I've been trying to lose weight but I've struggled with obesity practically all my life. I also think I'm much hairier (I mean it's everywhere and I'm not light haired either omg) than what is normal for most women, and I hate both shaving and just letting the hair grow. I have more or less given up on dating because I don't want people to see me naked or get close to me. Sometimes I feel I'm content but sometimes I feel this isn't healthy: it concerns me that my hatred for my body is keeping me from experiencing intimacy, and how long can that go on until it becomes psychologically damaging. Though who am I kidding - the damage's been done. I understand that people of all shapes and sizes etc. date, fall in love and so on, but I have this deep-rooted discomfort about my body that I've felt since I was around twelve. So I was hoping to hear some thoughts or experiences on how one might overcome this kind of persistent disgust, though I understand if this isn't the kind of ask you wanna answer. In any case thank you for reading.

Hi! I'm sorry this ask has been sitting in our inbox for a few months, unfortunately we don't always still have the time or energy to go through the asks anymore. I wanted to answer this, and I know it's so late but here's to hoping you might wander back here someday, and that this may help you, or another woman who feels similary.

I shared this view for a really long time (so much so, I identified as trans for a long time. I never felt "woman enough" because of my body). I struggled with being fat, hairy, "unwomanly".

When I was in school all of my friends got attention from boys and men, and I never peaked anyone's interest. Even though I didn't want to be with boys, I still craved that attention, I thought there was something wrong with me for being someone who no one would ever want. I punished myself with no eating, too much eating, self harm.

For me, what finally clicked was when I was first introduced to radical feminism, and through that I started thinking about the concept of inherent worth. I knew all women had inherent worth for being women, for being alive. I knew I had empathy and care for all women, regardless of thei appearance, and I thought they all deserve respect. That eventually led to the radical realization that if I think all women are worthy, then I must extend this to myself. I am woman, just as any other. And my external appearance doesn't change my self worth.

It really helped to stop seeing what is considered "ugly" as a negative thing, and rather to think of it as neutral, inconseqential, of no value. Instead of looking at all that was "wrong" with me as a bad thing, I took all power from it. I knew that I would never think badly of other women who looked like me, so why would I be the only exception?

Slowly, I was able to take away all the weight I put into my appearance, and became more neutral. Don't get me wrong, I'm not magically healed. There are still days where I'm reminded of all the ways that I don't fit into society's expectations for what a woman should be. I'm reminded of how terrified my mom was and still is that I'd end up staying fat. I'm reminded of aunts and uncles comenting on me losing and gaining weight since I was as young as 6 or 7. I know that being hairy, with dark body hair all over, is not the standard for what's attractive.

But those days have less weight in the grand scheme of things because no longer is my focus in life to be palatable. And I don't mean to come off like I have all the answers, that my way is the only way. I know this is not an easy journey.

But I think in order for you to start seeing yourself as someone who is worthy of desire, of love, of care, first you've got to see yourself as human. The more I look back at how people treated me growing up, at how people still treat me now, the truth is that society doesn't see "ugly" women as people. We are dehumanized, objectified as clutter, things in the way of what is "right".

I'm sure you're a kind and nice person. Look at yourself from the outside in, look at yourself as you'd look at someone else: what would you say to yourself then? Would you really think so badly of you then?

Be patience. I understand we have a lot telling us that we are not good enough, that aging is bad, that we have expiration dates. But as long as you are around, you are human, you are worthy of kindness.

Regarding the romantic aspect of this, I used to share your anxiety, that no one would want to look at me naked, that I would never feel comfortable undressing in front of someone. But then I met my girlfriend, and she made me feel so comfortable with myself that when we finally met and the time came to share intimacy... It just happened so organically, so naturally. It wasn't a performance, it was caring for each other. Not once did she look at me with disgust, not once was she anything but kind. I don't think it's just because she's some saint. I think when you care about someone, attraction comes naturally, and you don't separate body and mind. You just know that is your person, and you want them fully.

So maybe slowly working on allowing others to see you for who you are, not physically, but like.... Your personality. Open up. It doesn't need to be going on dating apps. It's just... surround yourself with women. Be around other women, love them, let them love you.

Things move slow, but self care can be just allowing a friend to tell you you're a good person. Accept compliments, even when your instinct is to tell others that they're wrong. Be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness, there is nothing about the way you look that is inherently wrong.

Posting this here so hopefully we'll hear from others as well, and hopefully you'll catch this one. Take care. Be well. You deserve good things, just because you're human, just because you're there.

[jdijwa-blog]

Encountering Horizon

Whatever it was that had him paralyzed had started to wear off.  Slowly he was able to feel his limbs again.  Move a pinky there, move his foot off that pebble there.  That was an instant relief.  Just not as much relief as finally being able to get out of the sun with his dark armor.  Maybe that’s why the overgrown cockroaches ignored him.  Must’ve stunk too much.

Things must have been quieting down as the gunfire came to a stop after something exploded.  Disconcerting as it came near where the defense tower is.  Finally enough feeling came back into his legs that Kaidan was able to turn around and see that it was still standing and now it was time to go assess what damages may have incurred and who managed to get the tower up and running.  But not enough feeling  to prevent him from tripping over some of the overgrown grass.

Do they not have lawn mowers here?! This is a main foot traffic lane!

As he neared the tower area he could hear some ruckus going on.

“I did what I could”

Wait…Shepard?  That can’t be?!

“Don’t beat yourself up, Shepard”

He turns the corner to see Shepard standing alongside a turian and some other human female.

Is she seriously fighting in a catsuit?  Who is she?! Cute though.  Good to see Garrus is alive and well.  Lost track of him when he left Citadel.  Wonder if Joker ever paid up his debt to him.

“Shepard?  Wait, I know that name.  Sure, You’re some type of big Alliance hero.”

“Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy.”

Kaidan can’t believe his eyes.  Shepard is looking healthy.  Few new scars.  Few missing as well.  Strange.  

That’s not a HMWSR sniper rifle.  He always hated the Mantis… Strange.

“The first human Spectre.  Savior of the Citadel.  You’re in the presence of …

As Shepard arches his arm over to finally put his rifle away, Kaidan’s eyes roam over the not-dead…Undead?  Whatever-he-is Spectre.  More like spector.  But then stops abruptly in his track as he sees it.

You have got to be kidding me

“You’re not Shepard.”

“What” exclaimed both the poorly dressed but cute human and Shepard at the same time.  Garrus kept quiet but just did some funny thing with his mandible that showed his shock.

“There’s no way you’re Shepard.  He would never find this acceptable!”

Apparently the irritable mechanic turned around and left after saying something but no one was paying any attention to him to know what he said.  Or the fact he slipped on a Collector heat sink hiding in a patch of tall grass that no one mowed down yet.

“Kaidan, this isn’t what it looks like.  Cerberus brought me back from the dead and I’m abusing their resources to fund the kicking the Collectors to hell campaign.  I tried to…”

“Wait! Cerber… That makes it even worse!  There’s no way those terrorists who love experimenting on whatever the hell they get their hands on would leave you with that!” Kaidan aggressively interrupted.

Shepard and Garrus turn to each and share a confused look.

“Dammit Kaidan, you’re so focused on whatever it is you’re focused on that you’re ignoring the real threat!” Garrus finally manages to spit out.  “What are you so upset about?”

Kaidan is fuming by now.

“Seriously Shepard, what would Tali think if she were to see you now?!  And Garrus? You’re allowing this as well?  I thought we were teammates!”

Shep always took Garrus and me with him on missions and he’d chat about it with Adams and Tali constantly in Engineering.  We even teased Ashley about hers!

“Kaidan would just spit out what you're trying to say!”  Shepard was starting to lose his patience now.

Really Shep?

“Why?! Do you?!! Have?!!! A Bluewire?!!!!  They’re so junk they don’t even classify as omnitools!”

Also why we back to standing in the sun?  We have buildings right here where we can grab a drink!

Shepard and his companions just stared agape at each other.  Normally composed Miranda even managed to drop her pistol.

Shepard glares at Miranda.  Then at Garrus albeit a bit less.

“Look Kaidan. I’m the same person as before.  Apparently,” Shepard continues his glare at Miranda, “Cerberus spent too many credits on reviving me and building space ships with fish tanks to have anything left over so I can have some decent equipment.  Do you see this rifle?” Shepard grabs his rifle again and starts shaking it in front of Kaidan’s face.  “A Mantis! A friggin Mantis! They manage to find my body but can’t recover my equipment that I spent how many hundreds of thousands of credits on!  It’s her fault!” Shepard exclaims while pointing at Miranda.  Miranda just icily glares back.  “She’s the one who brought me back.  I thought having her along would let you ask any questions you needed.  I know you’re slow to trust.” 

“To be fair, Shepard, we did pick up that Incisor rifle,” Garrus adds.

“It's worse than the Mantis!!  The only way to kill a pyjack with it is to just hit the monkey with it!” Shepard heatedly exclaims, “So I gave it to the cranky merc so he'd have something relevant to complain about.”

Kaidan worries he may be starting to get a migraine from all the events today.

“Look, I still know where my loyalties lie.  And it’s not with a company that ruins their product with their encryption overlay.  I’ve got to head back to the Citadel.  They can decide to believe your story or not.  Take care, Shepard.  And please stay safe.”

Kaidan turns around and starts checking which pocket has his medication in it, not able to hear Shepard chewing out Garrus how he didn’t have enough credits for a new omni tool because he just had to get Garrus that new rifle mod that only improved performances by .01 percent.

-x-

Back on Citadel

Shepard enters into Councilor  Anderson’s office all grumpy. 

“Hey, Anderson.  Decided to take a stroll on Horizon for kicks and you’d never guess who I ran into there.  Too much to ask for a simple correspondence to let a certain someone know I’m alive?  Instead I’m forced to deal with a stinky situation!”

Anderson had been side eyeing Shepard the moment he walked in, his face stoic as ever.

“Are you done, Son?”

Shepard crosses his arms in front of him and sulks against his mentor's desk.  “Fine.”

“Kaidan made mention how you were there," Anderson continues. "Says he regrets some of the things he may have said.  He figured if you come through here he left something for you.  So if you calm down, turn around, and open the second drawer you can have it.”

Shepard blinks.  He quickly turns around to see what his mentor alluded to:

No way!  I haven’t had time to see if I could haggle any merchant  for a new Savant.  All of the dead mercs we’ve come across so far have only had Human brands.  Kay always knew what my preferences were so this will be great!

His heart is warmed by the hand written note attached to the top of the box:

Hey Shepard

I’m sorry for my actions on Horizon and what I may have said.  I should have given you more time to talk.  Guess the stress of the day got to me.

It took me a long time to get over the stress of surviving that day over Alchera.  My friends have tried taking me out for drinks but it's never been the same without you.  They have no taste for good whiskey.  They like Old Crow can you believe it?!

Anyways, all I want to say is I’m sorry.  Hopefully, this can be of use to you and also help start to mend our friendship.  I already downloaded some of those antique games you always liked on there.  I also left a secondary extranet address of mine that should be untraceable in case you need to get ahold of me.  

Please be careful.  I’ve seen too many die around me – Eden Prime, Vermire, Horizon.  I couldn’t bear it I lost you again.  I know you’ll find a way to get rid of the Collectors once you get rid of that Bluewire .

When things have calmed down a bit… Maybe.. I don’t know.  Please just take care.

Kaidan

Shepard carefully tucks the note in a pocket and eagerly turns his attention to the box.  He starts to open it and sees that shiny brand of his new tool.

Logic Ar…

“Oh you sonofabitch!”

[vaguelyprophetic]

I have read ‘if you need someone to hold’ at least a million times now because that one scene where it finally breaks and Roman doesn’t say anything, just collapses into Stewy’s hug and eventually falls asleep SPEAKS VOLUMES!!! That in the end Roman doesn’t actually need to say anything because Stewy will see right through him anyway. I’ll be honest I wasn’t so keen on them in the first place but after reading your work and then rewatching specifically their scenes…mhm yeah, I have been exposed to the light 🙏 I was wondering if you had a particular hc/thought on Roman’s relationship with sex. It’s never really explicitly stated in the show and Ik a popular hc is that he’s a virgin. Or is that perhaps he’s never really been able to enjoy it before, it’s almost like this shameful thing in his head but when he and Stewy start hooking up he learns to enjoy it, learns more things about himself, his likes/dislikes. He learns love the healthy way <3 I loved the idea you had on another post that it starts with degradation if that’s what Roman wants but Stewy eventually coaxes him into praise and Roman likes hearing it. Anyway, I won’t go on forever but I just love your stuff <3

thank you so much 🥺 that fic is definitely one that I'm still very very proud of and it makes me extremely happy that people seem to like it so much!!! I also love to hear that my fics converted people into enjoying stewyroman lol. welcome to the dark side <3

I have a lot of thoughts about roman and sex so I'm going to put them under a read more both because this will probably go on for too long and because there's gonna be mention of sexual assault and trauma. so just be mindful of that!

I don't think he's a virgin. I think he has some serious hang-ups about sex and attraction, and those feelings absolutely come from his trauma. we still don't know exactly what happened to him, but I feel like it's pretty obvious that he was assaulted as a kid, probably multiple times. I mean, "uncle mo"? the rat pack that ran cruises? there were a lot of horrible people around when the roys were kids. it's definitely never going to be explicitly stated, because succession doesn't give us that kind of information, but the subtext and clues are all there and have been from the very beginning imo.

so yeah, that trauma makes it a little bit difficult for roman to have a normal relationship with sex as an adult. he's also got body image issues, which makes it even harder to be vulnerable like that. it also ties into why I think he's gay rather than bi -- he already feels ashamed enough about sexual attraction, so the fact that he's attracted to men makes that all the more difficult, because he knows what his dad (and the vast majority of the business world) think about gay men. the women he goes after are the ones who other men around him have expressed interest in, and I think to him, there's an idea that it's a sort of conquest and that those men will respect him if he can hook up with the women they find attractive.

I don't really have coherent thoughts about this but I'm thinking about how also it seems like roman's sexuality is sort of used as a pawn in business negotiations, too. I mean his thing with eduard, his thing with matsson, his thing with mencken... idk how to word what I'm trying to say here but it feels like that's something that roman is unfortunately very used to.

I can also see why people think that he's asexual, but I don't think he is! I think he does feel sexual attraction and wants to have that experience and connection but that his trauma and other issues sort of block him from being able to do that. we saw that he wanted to try different things with tabitha to see what worked, so I think there is definitely a desire to figure it out and be able to just enjoy sex and be "normal."

roman absolutely needs someone who is gentle and patient with him while he figures his shit out. which is why the stewy/roman dynamic works for me, because I think stewy could definitely fill that role of being the person who just wants to give roman pleasure and make sure that he feels good about whatever it is they do. so over time roman starts to feel less and less ashamed and scared of his attraction and starts to embrace it in a safe and healthy way <3

idk if any of this is actually coherent but I do have a lot of feelings about roman and his relationship with his own body and his desires. my fics are so self-indulgent because I just want him to feel safe and loved </3

[sillystardew]

could u do "loved gifts" post with non-datable villagers? thank u!

Non-romanceables and their loved gifts

Since there are so many of the non-romanceables, i kept the amount of gifts limited to 2-4 (instead of doing all of the non-universal gifts like i did with the bachelor/ettes)

Caroline

-Summer spangles are her favorite flowers. She likes the way they look, and they smell amazing when she walks by the community center to read or meditate. She likes to grow them in her greenhouse during most seasons, but she thinks they smell the sweetest when they grow wild in the summer.

-She likes anything tangy or strong smelling, and tropical curry just has a perfect blend of spices for her tastes. She considers it her favorite food

-Living on a coastal town, you get pretty accustomed to eating lots of seafood. Fish tacos are so cheap and easy to make, and the fish from the ocean just taste different from the ones harvested on farms. They’re her go-to thing to make after workouts, too, because they’re quick and filling :)

Clint

-Artichoke dip is pretty easy to make, and he doesn’t have to spend a lot of time making it. It’s one of those meals that are easier for him to eat and make during the day while he works

-He loves fiddlehead risotto. He doesn’t really consider himself a foodie, but he always appreciates a high-quality and well made dish. Its what he usually eats at the saloon if he doesn’t want to cook for himself.

Demetrius

-He built an ice-cream machine with Maru when she was younger. It was just an experiment, but eating ice-cream reminds him of one of the first times he and Maru worked on something together. They still have it (along with it’s additional improvements).

-Bean hotpot was something he ate frequently as a kid. He likes healthy foods and wants to encourage good habits for his kids, so he makes it pretty frequently.

Dwarf

-He enjoys breaking open geodes. It’s a nice way to pass the time, and most of the stones that come out of omni geodes are ones he likes

-His favorite crystals and minerals are the bright and colorful ones. They’re easier to find in the dark caves, and they add some nice color to his otherwise pretty monotone decor

Evelyn

-She really enjoys traditional holiday foods, stuffing being one of her favorites. It reminds her of all the holidays she has spent with her family and friends

-She’s grown flowers since she was very young. When she was a child, her and her family had a tulip garden. She still loves to grow tulips every spring, and the flowers makes the whole town smell vaguely sweet (poor Sam with his allergies, though)

George

-Food is something He’s always been able to appreciate. He might be a grumpy old man, but he’ll warm up to anyone who can cook a good meal.

-He really doesn’t like much fried food, but mushrooms are the exception.

Gus

-He thinks it’s fun to try to overcomplicate very simple dishes. There’s beauty in the simplicity, of course, but he still loves to see what he can do to put even more effort into a dish. Fish tacos are something he’s constantly making new recipes for.

-Being able to enjoy food from people who he knows and being able to share his food with people who truly appreciate it is something completely priceless to him. He’ll enjoy pretty much any food you give him

Jas

-She likes fairy roses because they’re her favorite color, purple! She also likes their name – she’s always liked fairies :)

-She likes sweets, like any kid, but pink cake is special to her. She remembers having it on her birthday with her parents.

Jodi

-She doesn’t like to snack throughout the day. It makes her feel hungrier, so she just prefers to eat larger meals. She doesn’t hate cooking, but its always nice to be able to enjoy a meal someone else prepared, so she loves when people offer their leftovers to her and her family. Caroline makes excellent eggplant parmesan!

-The ring kent proposed to her with was a diamond on a gold band. Seeing the clear stone always brings her back to when they were younger

Kent

-Unlike Jodi, Kent prefers to snack lightly throughout the day and eat a nice dinner by the end. Roasted hazelnuts smell amazing, and the taste reminds him of the holidays.

-Fiddlehead risotto was something he hadn’t tried until his family moved to the valley. It was one of the last meals they ate together before he was sent to war.

Krobus

-Krobus has never truly had a friendship with a human before. He admired them from afar, but until the farmer came along, he had never interacted with one. Being given man-made gifts reminds him of how close he is with the farmer now. (He’s also quite crafty, so he appreciates the extra material.)

-Wild horseradish was one of the first things he ate when he came to the surface. It is spicy to humans, but the taste is different to him. He’s not quite sure how to describe it.

Leo

-He likes to hear about birds from other places. The parrots are some of the only birds on his island, so he appreciates the tales of differently colored birds, and other animals for that matter. The farmer bringing him a duck feather was one of the most beautiful gifts he had ever received.

-Poi is a food he learned how to make on the island. Its fairly easy and the ingredients are easy to find, so he and the parrots enjoy it a lot. After he leaves the island, it’s harder for him to get the ingredients, so he loves whenever he’s able to eat it.

Lewis

-Lewis has lived in the valley for a very long time. He loves any meals that remind him of the town around him, especially autumn’s bounty.

-He doesn’t have much of a tolerance for spicy food, but when you removes the seeds from a hot pepper, it’s easier for him to eat. He loves the taste of them, and finds them strangely refreshing

Linus

-He loves the nature around him, and loves to taste things from other places as well. Coconuts and cactus fruit let him enjoy the life of other places in the valley.

-Him and willy are fairly close, and any time he goes to the docks to spend time with him, Willy makes dish o’ the sea. Its a filling meal, and Linus doesn’t eat ocean fish all that often

Marnie

-Another villager who just can’t get enough of seasonal foods. Pumpkin pie is her favorite, it reminds her of fall

-She likes to eat dinner with her family. She makes farmers lunch for Jas and Shane a lot

Pam

-Like penny, she really enjoys root vegetables, especially parsnips. Parsnip soup is by far her favorite meal

-She’s not much of a sweets gal, but cactus fruit is the exception.

Pierre

-Fried calamari is everything to him. It is his life. It is his love. It is his god. It is his soul. It is his purpose.

Robin

-She likes a lot of classic meals, like lasagna and spaghetti. Any pasta dish is good in her eyes, really

-She likes to eat quick snacks while she works, so she loves if the farmer ever offers her some of their produce while she’s building things for them. She’s always liked dairy, but the farmers goat cheese is out of this world!

Sandy

-She loves stardew valley. Like Linus, she appreciates being able to admire the beauty of life. Emily brings her foraged gifts often. Her favorite is Crocus plants

-She likes anything mango-flavored. Mango sticky rice was one of those foods that she knew she would love, even before she tried it

Vincent

-He loves sweet and sour candy! Cranberry candy is his favorite, he likes the color and the taste :)

-He loves snails. Bugs in general, but ESPECIALLY snails. They’re his favorite animal

Willy

-He loves fried catfish, especially when its homemade. Any additional catfish he can add to his batch is a great gift

-sturgeon are valuable for a reason! They have a great flavor, and they have a lot of meat on them, so they can feed a lot of people. He sells most of the ones he catches, but he admittedly saves some for himself

Rasmodius

-He never stops learning about the arcane. Any additional things he can add to his studies is welcome, and he appreciates any gifts of magical items. He particularly appreciates void/solar essence, as They’re harder for him to get on his own (they’re also used in a lot of recipes)