#i think it took me a while to adjust to their new sound w/o chris walla

[versary]

anyway. update on new death cab for cutie album: wheat like waves is a sleeper

[obx-snippets]

Chapter 2 ∫ ≈ Ocean’s Siren at the Kegger ≈

Summary: Reina goes to her first kegger in the obx and it’s a lot more than she bargained for.

Warning: Cursing, panic attack, mentions of aquaphobia, drowning.                  S L O W B U R N

Word count: 3.2k

Pairing: JJ Maybank x female!oc

Masterlist

a/n: thank you to those who are showing interest in the series so far! Hope you stick around till the end!  

After long-wearing hours of searching for a suitable outfit, Reina gave herself a pep-talk in the mirror as she sat on the floor, staring deep within herself. If it weren't for Mina and Chris being at work so late, they would diagnose her to be clinically insane.

"It's a party, quit being a pussy."

"It's near water, why the hell would you even go?"

"I mean....you were invited, so it's sort of rude if you don't."

"I don't even drink anymore, so I could bring my own Gatorade."

"Why would you say 'yeah, I know where the boneyard is.' Fucking dumbass, you just moved here yesterday."

"Where are my pills?"

The setting sun was seated on an orange and pink horizon that it claimed as its throne. The breeze carried the ocean's salty scent in the air, tousling Reina's hair that she fought to keep tucked behind her ear. Her flip flops slapped against the hard cement, moving her bike by her side, not yet having the courage to step in the sand as she walked alongside the beach. She could hear the faint sound of pounding music, and as she neared the supposed kegger, the hollering a cheering of teens became clear as day. The lights of burning torches danced across her brown as she stopped just at the beach's edge, her toes only inches from the golden sand. A familiar sensation bloomed in her stomach like a flower that was hidden from the sun for too long. Excitement? Thrill?

A feeling that she hasn't experienced since that night. There was a smaller crowd of teens surrounding a small area of a particular part of the beach, and Reina had to squint her eyes to make out John B holding up a blonde boy by his ankles as he performed the infamous game, the keg stand. Pride tugged at her heart, knowing her past self would have stood up to the challenge of lasting longer. But she stayed put, hugging her body over the soft material of her white oversized sweater that covered a portion of her blue tennis skirt.

Her jaw instantly clenched, and eyes screwed shut upon hearing the water so close. The waves were mocking, tormenting enough to make her breathing ragged and uneven.

A gleeful cheer brought Reina to open her eyes to see John B patting his blonde friend on the back after he successfully lasted thirty seconds on the keg stand. Cheap beer dripped down his contoured chin, his laugh traveling to where Reina stood. She guessed he was one of the other boys in John B's van but wasn't sure what his name was.

Was he Pope or JJ?

His cerulean eyes shimmered under the torch lights, his toothy grin surprisingly contagious. Reina hadn't even noticed she was smiling until a pair of blue eyes latched onto hers, heat quickly radiating up her ivory cheeks. Her lips parted as if to say something but realized how far he was and quickly closed her mouth. It seemed the blonde surfer discerned what she attempted and opted to pass her a nod before stalking away with his arm draped over John B's shoulder.

Reina couldn't comprehend what she felt once she made eye contact with the boy. His ocean eyes. His handsome, chiseled features. That toothy smile that spread to her own lips. That gray muscle tee that made her mind wander. Her bottom lip was tucked between her teeth as she watched Kiara punch another boy on the arm for tossing his red solo cup on the sand.

The one who ordered the sprite.

John B was leaning forward as he sat on a fallen tree trunk, his finger prodding the blonde's side before gesturing toward a gorgeous blonde girl dancing provocatively in a small crowd. It seemed like she was the bait for the night, but Reina wasn't impressed.

"Hot, isn't he?"

Reina let a yelp slip her lip as she jolted away from the smirking girl standing next to her. She was casually drinking her beer; her dyed hair pulled up into a bun with bobby pins holding back stray hairs. She had seen her at the Wreck along with the other rowdy teenagers that occupied too much of her time for just a couple of drinks.

"W-what?" Reina cleared her throat, playing dumb as she wrung her hands to let her sweater's sleeves cover her hands.

The girl glanced at her from the corner of her dark hazel eyes as she gave her a pointed look. "The one you were ogling is JJ." she stated, pointing one of her fingers that held her red solo cup toward the blonde who was currently staying still so Kiara could pluck something out of his eye. "The sweetheart who ordered the sprite is Pope, and you met the rest--oh, and I'm Harlow. Westwick."

Harlow held out a hand, and Reina glanced down at her black painted fingers before shaking it gently.

“Reina Lynch.”

Harlow made a face, “Reina. I like it.”

Reina was surprised when she felt a smile pull at the corner of her mouth. She looked back up at Harlow, a kind expression of her own on her face.

“Thanks,” she replied.

Harlow took a large gulp of her drink, blinking wildly when some of it splashed into her eye, “So,” she started, clearing her throat, “how long you been in the OBX?”

Reina let out a sigh, carding her hand through her hair before tugging her sleeve back over her hand, “not long,” she answered, “definitely still adjusting.”

Harlow nodded her head, shivering from a gust of wind before brushing some of her baby hairs from her eyes, “Yeah, it takes a while,” Harlow laughed, “where are you from?“

“Cali.”

Harlow gaped quickly with a laugh, “Oooh! California, I like it. That’s totally rad, dude.”

Reina let out a laugh, a real laugh. “Nobody talks like that in California, you know?”

Harlow’s pink lips parted, ready to reply to her when the song switched, causing a gasp to slip from her mouth, “I love this song!” she exclaimed, turning in small circles to find a place to set her cup down, “dance with me!”

Reina clammed up immediately, the smile slipping from her face as her eyes darted to the crowd of drunk dancing teenagers. “Oh, no, I-“

“Come on!” Harlow cried over the blaring music and shouting, her dainty hand wrapping around her wrist, “please! nobody else likes to dance to this song with me!”

Reina pondered for a moment, letting Harlow shake her limp arm, chewing on her bottom lip. Worry pooled her eyes, wondering how it would feel to jump back into the party life so soon. She hasn't had a drink, so as long she steered clear of any and all alcohol consumption, one dance didn't seem like the worst thing. Besides, her blue Gatorade was tucked safely on her bike, where she had parked it by a palm tree.  

“Okay,” Reina sighed, itching a random spot on her neck before she touched her regrettable scars and coiled her hand away, a smile touching her lips once she met Harlow's eyes, “one dance.”

She didn't seem like it at first, but Harlow Westwick was a firecracker who's adrenaline had boosted to a hundred by the time she started dancing. Reina couldn't help but laugh anytime the girl poorly busted a dance move that, in her opinion, was killer. Instead of trying to mirror anyone else's movent, Reina gradually let her body sway to the heavy pumping music, her eye getting lost in the darkness and focusing on the song's base. Soon enough, the two had been dancing for an hour, disregarding Reina's 'one dance' policy.

Reina followed the tipsy girl around the boneyard, not bothering to tell her to ease up on the drinking as she didn't see it as her place to tell her what to do. She had caught Kira glancing toward her and passed her a small smile before quickly grabbing Harlow's waist when she nearly fell face-first on the sand. Too occupied with keeping Harlow upright as she marched down the beach, Reina overlooked JJ, John B, and Pope staring at her from where they sat around a bomb fire.

“So,” JJ started, downing the last of his beer, “what do we think of the new girl?”

John B casted his eyes over to Reina, who was dancing with their friend, more trying to hold her up than anything, “She seems cool,” he replied with a shrug.

Pope nodded along, his eyes still on Reina and Harlow down the beach, “She sounded nice, and she’s currently babysitting Harlow, so seems like she could hang.”

JJ tapped his ring clad finger against his plastic cup, his eyes dancing side to side, “Think I could bag her?”

His question sent the other two boys into a groan, Pope rolling his head back and John B tossing a nearby empty solo cup at him,

“Jesus, man! Do you think about anything other than sleeping with girls?”

JJ looked up, pondering, “Weed,” he answered, “spend a lot of time thinking about weed.”

“Yeah, we know,” Pope said, rolling his eyes.

“She could be gay,” John B suggested.

“What makes you think she’s gay?” JJ asked, face scrunched in confusion.

“What makes you think she’s straight?” Pope rebutted.

“Touché, Pope,” JJ tipped his empty cup at him, “touché.”

The wind was nipping at Reina's skin once the music suddenly died down. She had been following Harlow for so long that she just realized how different the sand felt under her sandals. The ground was a bit more firm but squishy at the same time, unlike the dry sand she had been wondering just hours prior. Reina stopped dead in her tracks when the sound of waves broke her from her trance. She inhaled sharply, her smile dropping, and her eyes widening in mild horror. The smell of salt became like a toxin in her lungs, and she stumbled back, her hands balling into a fist. If she knew Harlow would lead her this close to the water, she wouldn't have taken up the offer to dance. The dark sky made the water look like a raging god, calling her to step into its deadly grasp.

Despite the influx of cold wind, Reina found herself sweating under her sweater as she created more distance between herself and the ocean. A flash of a flowy green dress came across her eye when she saw Harlow drunken figure dancing toward the water. Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest, seeing her tread dangerously closer to the shallow part of the ocean. The girl couldn't even keep herself balanced on the sand, and the waves would devour her immediately if she got any closer.

"Um, Harlow," Reina's tone was scarcely over a shout, not wanting to scare the girl. "could we maybe head back to the party?"

Harlow flimsily whipped her body around, her pale cheeks flushed with heat as a grin played on her lips. "There's not a pool at the party, Reina!" Harlow stated, her hand's failing to properly set on her hips as they kept slipping off.

"This isn't a fucking pool, it's the ocean. Now could you please--Harlow!

The giggling mess of a teenager took another tantalizing step into the water until she was knee-deep. The waves roughly slapped onto the back of her legs, her body bucking forward, bringing Reina to gasp. Any person with sense would have marched to Harlow and dragged her away from the water to prevent her from drowning. But Reina stayed glued in place, watching the tipsy teen splash water about. Maybe if she called her enough times, Harlow would listen.

Reina bounced on one of her legs, her pleading eyes desperately trying to spot one of her friends in the crowd that seems small considering how far they had traveled. Another loud splash brought Reina to look back at Harlow. Water must have got in her eyes, and she was brutally rubbing her knuckles over her eyelids to cease the burning. Reina's heart stopped upon seeing a wave hurtling toward Harlow, but as her words got stuck in her throat, the water slammed into her back, her body lurching forward face-first into the icy sea.

"Harlow!" Reina cried, taking a hesitant step forward. Her ears keened in on the waves, her eyes adjusting to the darkness to try and spot Harlow but nothing. She prayed that her head would appear above the waves, smiling and breathing. But nothing again. It's as if the ocean had eaten her alive and didn't think twice to bother apologizing.

Reina's breathing became uneven once she realized Harlow wasn't resurfacing as long as she stood there doing nothing. "Fuck me.." she huffed and shook her head.

Without a second thought, Reina was dashing forward down the small hill that led to the water, kicking off her sandals. Her mind was so hellbent on saving Harlow that she didn't focus on how the water felt on her torso, how it tugged on her figure to swim deeper. She knew if she let her mind find out that she was indeed in the ocean, she would surely drown, and both girls would be lost at sea.  

Reina's hair was now wet as she was forced to dive under and let the salt burn her vision as he tried to make out Harlow's silhouette in the darkness. She kicked around, her hands roaming the area until she felt her hand swipe across a clothing material. She instantly heaved the girl's body up until Harlow's face was above water. She was completely unresponsive, and a sting of guilt tugged at her chest. If she hadn't hesitated, Harlow would still be breathing.

She pulled Harlow to the shore with all her strength, letting her body lay on the wet sand. Reina brushed her damp hair from her face and tucked it behind her ears to better examine the girl. "Harlow," Reina called to her urgently, cupping her face in her hand to try and shake her awake.

She had never performed CPR, but this was a life or death situation. Reina pressed both hands on Harlow's chest and began pumping up to thirty. Reina gripped her jaw and plugged her nose to pry her mouth open and started breathing air into her lungs. She repeated the action a couple of times, and just when she lost hope, Harlow's body began jerking violently until she was coughing up water to the side along with some of the cheap beer that she let screw with her mind.

Reina's heartbeat eased as she let out a sigh of relief and sat back on her heels, looking up and letting her eyes flutter shut. Harlow wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before sitting up, her eyes wide with her mouth agape as she stared ahead at the ocean that nearly killed her. Silence loomed over the two girls, both trying to process what had just happened. The only sound was their heaving breathing, the taunting ocean, and the party that was likely to go on until the sun rose.

"We shared our first kiss," Harlow giggled after fleeting silence, resulting in Reina snapping her neck toward the girl.

"W-what?" she muttered, her face reddening as confusion pulled at her brows.

Harlow was beaming, and the wink she sent to Reina made her squirm in place as she stared at the girl stunned.

"Harlow!"

Both girls looked back to see Kiara, JJ, John B, and Pope rushing toward them.

“Holy shit!” Pope examined the girl's soaked state and shivering bodies, “what happened?”

“Had a near-death experience, P man,” Harlow answered as her feet wiggled in the sand, “but God herself over here saved me.”

“Are you seriously cracking jokes right now?” Kie shouted, her features stitched into an angry frown, “you almost died!”

"That's an exaggeration," Harlow quipped with a quirked brow. With shaky hands, Reina helped Harlow to her feet. She looked among the girl’s group of friends, averting her eyes from the ocean beside them.

"I had to perform CPR," Reina mumbled quietly to her statement. But it seemed Kiara and Pope caught on as they're eyes bulged from their sockets.

“Dude, for real, are you okay?” JJ asked, his eyes bouncing between Harlow and Reina.

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Harlow sputtered with a shrug as she held her body to find warmth, “never almost drowned before, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”

“What is wrong with you? You could have died! You can’t just go out into the ocean drunk as shit!” Kie lectured.

“Yeah, Kie, I get it, alright!”

The two girls' voices started to rise as they argued, John B and Pope hurried to step between them, trying to mediate. Reina stood a few steps away from them, biting through the skin of her lip until her mouth filled with the taste of iron. Without knowing what she was doing, her feet started to move her away from the group, unaware JJ had his eyes on her the entire time.

________________________________≈Ω≈___________________________________

Reina's hands were trembling as she unlocked the door to her house, her face blank when she entered the cold living room. The driveway was vacant of any cars, meaning she was completely alone. Alone with her thoughts.

Her worst enemy.

When she took another step across the cold wood floorboard, she nearly slipped. A gasp sounded through her lungs, and her mind found an opening. A door that had been locked for so long that she never dared be this close. But with her soaked hair making a puddle on her feet and her wet sweater weighing her down, the tears that began streaming down her cheeks were inevitable.

Reina tossed the keys toward a wooden table near the door and fled to her bedroom. She had to use the wall as support as she pressed her hand against her chest, trying to even out her breathing. But it was too ragged, and she felt like collapsing. Though her room was large in width, she could feel the walls closing in on her. Like her nightmares had finally cornered her.

A sob racked her throat, and she began to tear off her skirt along with her underwear. She didn't want to feel anything related to tonight's events. She regretted going at all.

Reina finally stripped out of everything until she was bare. Her legs gave under her, and she fell to her knees and shuffled back until her spine made contact with her bed. If ripping her wet hair out was an option, she would do it immediately. From the air conditioning blowing down on her, she knew a stuffy nose was guaranteed, but she didn't want to feel anything.

With her jaw wobbling uncontrollably and her body shaking, she held her legs close to her chest and rocked back and forth.

You're not in the water anymore.

Reina threw her head back, scraping the side of her neck along the pattern of her scars. The tune of the windchime seemed so distant, but yet it was enough.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

Her heart steadied, the warm tears continuing to flow like a blanket trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, dad."

@pogueszn @mdlyncline @bricksatanakinswindow @ponyboys-sunsets @kaitieskidmore1 @casper17 @moonshinerbynight @cordeliascrown @acvross-the-universe 

[sharp-cheekbones-locked]

Christmas Dinner (Pt. 5)

Summary: The Doctor and Stella have to pretend a loving couple at the Christmas dinner table. It does not go like planned. 

Time Vortex, Somewhere in Nowhere, 73628° 09′ N , 3947° 74′ W unknown space, December 5th 2019; 6.17pm Earth time

"Doctor! We're gonna be late. Hurry up" I shouted from the console and nervously adjusted my dress while taking a look at my watch. "Jesus Christ, Stella. I am Time Lord and owner of a time machine! There is no such thing as too late with me" he called back and finally came into the control room. "Well finally" I sighed. He grabbed my hand and threw me a cheering smile. My gaze glided over him, then I stopped. "Doctor! You can't show up in the same things again. You can't go there in Chucks! Not again! Please put on your suit,' I asked him and tried not to be quite so pleading. "But good things never happen when I wear this suit" he grumbled. "Please Doctor." "Just because it's a Christmas party doesn't mean I have to dress up!" "It's a Christmas party, of course you have to dress up! Do it for me. Besides, you look really good in it," I tried to move him to the black piece of cloth with a new tactic. "Hey, you think I look good?" he repeated my words with a cheeky grin. I rolled my eyes. "Go now," I said emphatically. "You called me handsome" he replied and went to change. "And I'm about to regret it," I mumbled to myself.

Only a few minutes later he stood in front of me, dressed up again. He looked very chic and the suit fitted him like a glove. I couldn't help but admire him for a moment. "You look stunning," he told me and smiled at me. "You don't look bad either" I answered with a grin. "Well Miss Walker, we have a Christmas dinner to attend, would you like to be my escort for tonight?" he asked and offered me his arm. "Nothing better than that, Mr. Smith." My hand found the rough fabric of his jacket and I fixed his bow tie.

*oOo*

Bloomsbury Square, Bloomsbury 51° 31' 4.79" N 0° 07' 13.20" O London, evening of December 5th; 6.29pm

It was a well-kept house with white facade in a row of other well-kept houses with white facades. The front garden was tidy and the snow on the sidewalk and in the driveway was properly cleared. In the window a colorful chain of lights sparkled and in front of the front door stood a small decorated tree with a decorative sleigh pulled by reindeer. A typical boring house of a typical boring family in a typical boring street in a typical boring area. Beside me also the Doctor looked around disapprovingly.

"Stella! John! There you are. We thought something had come between you" we were greeted by Annie who pressed a big smack on each of us cheek. Luckily, the Doctor's disgusted face didn't see until the heel of my shoe bored its way into his foot. "Pull yourself together." I whispered to him. Annie pulled us into the house where Chris and some of her friends were waiting for us. Chris greeted the Doctor with a friendly handshake that almost knocked him out.

After a while of exchanging trivia, we all sat down at the richly laid table. I landed between the Doctor and Tiffany, a friend of Annie. But unfortunately fate did not mean it well with us, because we sat directly opposite Annie and Chris. Nervously I crumpled my red, artfully folded napkin together. However, the fingers of the Doctors lay down suddenly softly over my hands and he looked at me cheering up. He pressed my hand and let his linger on my until the food came.

Annie brought a large silver plate into the dining room, on which Beef Wellington was sliced into fine clean slices. "Mm, that smells delicious, Annie. My mouth is watering," Tiffany said. "That's right, you've outdone yourself again." Now the Doctor also brought himself in and winked at me. I knew he worshipped Beef Wellington and Annie's roast potatos, and I also suspected that this was always his reason for finally accompanying me every year. We started to eat and I had to agree with the Doctor, who was already on his second piece. It tasted wonderful. For a while there was nothing to hear but the metallic rattling of dishes on porcelain plates. Finally Chris cleared his throat and leaned forward a bit. "Well, John, you haven't even invited us into your house yet, we're sooo curious what it looks like there. I had to suppress an eye roll, but before I could answer, the Doctor jumped in. "Oh, Chris," he began and smiled warmly at his counterpart. "You won't be as soon as I can, either!" I swallowed my bite and coughed terribly before grabbing my glass of water and kicking the Doctor under the table. "Ouch. I just mean that we travel a lot with my job and don't have a fixed home, because that would only get in our way, wouldn't it, darling?" he asked and I swallowed the nickname again before I ran red. He just put one arm around my chair back and went on. "What are you working again?" Chris asked and took a sip from his sherry. Annie disappeared into the kitchen to get seconds of potatoes. "Oh, I'm the Doctor," he replied. "You mean you're a doctor?" "Oh, oh yes, that's exactly what I meant." The Doctor cleared his throat in embarrassment and loosened the collar around his fly, which suddenly seemed terribly tight to him. "I help in developing countries. There are human lives to save every day. The work is hard, although it always gives me a great feeling when I see that people may have survived thanks to my help." He looked modestly to the ground and I pressed his hand. Damn it! He was good!

"Aww." it sounded from the other side of the room, where Annie stood leaning against the door frame with baking gloves and potatoes, listening to the Doctor's story with glowing eyes. "There had to be more people like you, John," Tiffany sighed. "And Stella? What are you doing?" Chris now turned to me. Again the Doctor came before me. "Oh, Stell is with me on the way and always accompanies me on my travels. While I then help the people, she diligently writes her books. I always tell her that she should publish them, but she always says that she is not finished yet. She writes really well and I'm really proud of her." My heart swelled in my chest. He played damn well. I decided to put another one on top. "Darling, sometimes I really don't know what I've earned you with," I said shyly. Then I nestelte around at the reindeer tablecloth and tried casually to get out a small splash of wine. "You are all I need. That's the greatest gift." My teeth hurt from all the sweet lies, but when I looked him in the eye, I thought for a short moment I saw nothing but reflect sincerity in his gaze. Quickly I turned my eyes away again to the artistic fir arrangement on the table. "What are you writing about, Stell?" asked Marc, Jessie's friend. "Oh, that's different. But right now I'm writing a sci-fi story about a man, the Doctor, who travels through space and time in a time traveling police box with his companion. Of course, I always incorporate experiences and influences from our adventures on our own journeys." The Doctor stroked my hand.

When the Minced Pies were brought, the Doctor leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my cheek. The rest of the evening was quiet and Tiffany was asked about her new boyfriend, which eventually became a full evening topic.

The dinner went by and outside it had been dark for hours when we finally left. "Oh, wait a minute." Annie shouted and we stopped in the hallway. She pressed past us and hung something small green over the door. I remained in my movement. A mistletoe! Damn! "Come on. Kiss yourselves! Don't be shy," she said and laughed. "Well, uh... that wouldn't be so good because, uh - I have a terrible scratching in my throat and don't want to infect the doc- uh John." I stuttered and faked a cough. Annie and Chris looked at me confused and the Doctor also looked unpleasantly touched. "Come on, it's not that bad," he suddenly switched on. He pulled me to himself and I made a surprised sound when he pressed a short kiss on the corner of my mouth. Annie looked enraptured, but I was in total chaos. I stood there as if frozen and drove over the corner of my mouth, where the Doctor's lips had just lingered gently. "Well, we really have to go now. Annie, Chris, thank you for the invitation. It was really very nice, see you soon" I said hastily.

I turned around, went out the front door to bring as much distance as possible between the Doctor and me. I walked up to the TARDIS, not waiting for the Doctor at all. "Hey Stell! Stella! Little star! Now wait a minute." I heard his hasty steps creaking in the snow behind me. He grabbed me gently by the wrist and turned me around to himself. Then his eyes looked for mine and he lifted my chin. "Hey, little star! Look at me! You know that didn't mean anything, right? You don't have to worry," he said. Snowflakes got caught in his brown hair and it looked as if he had been sprinkled with icing sugar. I just nodded silently as I decided to pretend that nothing had ever happened. The cold bit my cheeks and eyes as he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

[nowitsdarkfic]

chapter one (the last day of recording)

January 6, 1989. Rochester, New York.

“Power trip,” I mutter to myself, closing my eyes. “Power trip. Power trip. Power fucking trip.” I have the headphones over my ears and my hands crammed into my pockets as I'm standing before the microphone. Right in front of me is a pane of glass, and behind that is Lars and Kim, the latter of whom flew out here to lay down a couple of guitar tracks for me. He took a few takes but he managed to get it down for me on the tapes here at Music America.

Lars has his finger resting over the playback button. Even though it's not particularly cold in here, he's got on that big heavy overcoat and that lush vest underneath it. He finally shaved off his beard on New Year's Day, but now he's got kind of a stubble already growing in. He, like me, also neglected to brush his head before he and I drove over here this morning in my piece of crap car.

I need to my act together, on this song here in particular. It's been almost a week, six full days. Lars managed to book me two weeks after New Year's Day and once he told me about it, I found myself itching to perform. I am in dire need to sing my heart out again. The memory of having sang so hard in Seattle is still etched fresh within my mind and my slim belly, but I have to do this for myself. I don't know any other way to do anything else and I can't picture myself doing anything else for myself.

Lars plays it back for me. I focus on the words I had written down on that notepad and then memorized. I rinsed out my mouth with a shot of white wine vinegar and a glass of water before coming here. The back of my throat is clean and clear as a bell. It's all there. I just have to do it.

My voice trembles a little bit, but it's my song, I've always loved to perform, and I've been doing this for years. Why am I so nervous?

No. I needn't be so hard on myself. I relax the muscles in my chest and down within my stomach, and let myself breathe. I have the music in me. I need to coax it out. I need to do what I did in New Orleans and Boston and just let it dance with me. I'm the leader here.

I almost want to grip onto the microphone as I feel myself letting go even more. But I know if I do, it'll mess up the recording.

Instead, I remain standing there with my lips before the head of the microphone, and my eyes pinched shut, and my hands in my pockets.

I'm doing it. I'm recording my album, this thing that says Joey Belladonna, and not just a short, abrasive demo like what I did in Seattle.

It's just me. Lars and Kim need not apply here now.

“SHUT! YOUR! MOUTH!”

I let out this wail that came from somewhere inside of me, and I don't know if it's a relic of everything that's happened up to this point but it almost surprises me. Never thought a skinny little boy could be so soft, and never though a skinny little boy could have such a raging beast inside of him.

“SHUT IT! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!”

I don't know where this is coming from. Where is this coming from?

Ohhhh, I think I know where this is coming from.

I was left out in the cold by my old band mates.

I found a girl who was bound at the ankles laying in a storm drain who's been abused and is lying to me about something, maybe everything.

My best friend is in the hospital right now and has some kind of monstrous cybernetic bullshit literally sprouting out from his body.

There might be something sinister lurking about in the background and I don't have a clue what it is or what it wants from me and Lars. It might want to kill me.

“POWER TRIP! POWER TRIP! P O W E R T R I P!”

I feel myself straining and closing up. My stomach is aching me again, but I don't care. I've got it. I've got it! I've got it! I've got it!

“SHUT! YOUR! M O U T H!”

And then the playback ends once I finish out that final note.

“WOW!” I hear Kim shout on the other side of the glass; this is a sound proof room, too, it's amazing I can hear him say that. I take off the headphones as he and Lars stand to their feet to give me a standing ovation. I rub my eyes and my face, and then run my fingers through my black curls before stepping away from the sound booth. I'm sore again and I need some water.

I step out of there and meet up with Lars and Kim at the sound board.

“That was unreal!” Lars declares, giving his long hair a toss back from his broad shoulders.

“I can't remember the last time I sang like that,” I confess to them, my voice hoarse. “Good thing we got that, too. Did you?”

“I did, yes!” he says with glee. “We can use this next week to master and mix it, too.”

“God—I don't think Chris ever sang that hard,” Kim admits to me, returning to his seat there next to Lars.

“Sang so hard that he lost his voice?” I ask him, feeling my voice break some more.

“Not at all. He has hit some pretty intense notes in the past, like when Soundgarden was starting out, but nothing of your caliber, though. That just—holy shit, dude.”

“Can I get some water here?” I ask them, clearing my throat.

“I'll get it,” Lars offers me. He stands to his feet and crosses the room to the door. He disappears for a moment, only for us to hear a familiar woman's voice out there in the next room.

He then returns with a little paper cup of cold water and a Sonia right behind him.

“Sonia! What're you doing here?” I greet her as Lars hands me the water. “I thought you and Marcia were in Portland.”

“A little bird told me,” she begins, adjusting her kinky dark hair, “that Joey was singing his heart out and recording an album near mine and my sister's upholstery place, and I don't have classes on Fridays, so I just had to fly out here to check it out. I also wanted to invite you boys to a stage production I'm doing in a couple of weeks back home.”

“Oh?” I raise my eyebrows at that as I bring the cup to my lips.

“Yeah, A Midsummer's Night Dream. I'm playing the part of Titania, the Queen of the Fairies.”

“Oh, well,” Kim smartly notes, “your Highness.”

Lars and I bow our heads towards her and she giggles at us. I then turn to him.

“Anyways, you got the tape?”

“'Bout to lock it up in a safe place for you, my Indian friend. It is five thirty after all.”

“Holy hell, is it really?” I gape at him.

“Yeah. You've been singing for almost seven hours. You've gotta be beat or at least hungry.”

“Beat or hungry, but not both?”

“Okay, beat or hungry, or perhaps both.”

He ducks behind the sound board to fetch the tape.

“I'm gonna put it in a place where both you and I can remember it well enough,” he tells me, closing the door.

“Sorry, what were we talking about?” I couldn't help that.

“Joey!” he scoffs.

“What? I lost my voice and you're both my partner in crime and my producer—I'm entitled to a joke once in a while, Jesus Christ.”

Meanwhile, Kim and Sonia both chuckle at us.

“You guys,” she quips at us.

“It's like me and Chris,” he joins in.

“It's like me and Marcia,” she adds. “Anyways, shall we go over to Snarky's?”

“Bit of a drive, though,” I remind her, “but—it's a nice evening right now and we're not supposed to get snow for another couple of days. I don't see why not.”

I take one final drink of water when I hear the jingle of some keys.

“Oh, boy, I get a lock and key!” I declare. Lars stands to his feet from the far right side of the sound board.

“Belladonna is in a safe spot,” he tells me, running his fingers through his hair. And then he rubs his hands together. “Okay, now let's get loaded up into the car—I assume we're taking your car, Kim?”

“I don't see why not,” he replies with a shrug. “Unless Sonia has one with her.”

“Nah, I took a cab over here. Let's get loaded into the car.”

“Alright, we're gonna get loaded!” I declare again and that coaxes a laugh out of Lars. “Okay, I'll stop now.”

We head out of the actual studio into the front room, the last nugget of warmth for a little bit. I can make out the final rays of setting sun from through the glass in the front door: the sky has painted itself a rich indigo color. I close the lapels of my peacoat at the sight of it, but I also regret not wearing my leather right now. Before we step outside to the frigid cold clear evening, Sonia turns towards me with a mischievous smirk on her face.

“What?” I ask her, clearing my throat again.

“It almost amazes me how strong your voice is,” she remarks in a low voice.

“Well, it kinda has to be,” I point out, “you know, if I'm gonna be going at this whole thing by my lonesome. I need my voice to be able to slice through steel.”

Lars pushes open the front door first and we're greeted with an onslaught of that cold left over from the snow and the freezing rain. I'm the last one out of the building but surely I can't be the first one to catch a glimpse of the glimmers of neon hovering over the towering apartment complexes. I recognize those smooth metallic sides, even in the fading sunlight. I count four of them.

So Maxwell Industries has drones floating around in the Rochester skyline now, which is experiencing the first sprouts of blue neon.

I can only hope one of them isn't carrying a nuke.

***************************

A/N: by the way, go check out and support Joey's solo work if you haven't already! He has four albums (Belladonna, Spells of Fear, 03, and Deadly Nightshade) and a collection of demos titled Relics

[bethlehembroclub-blog]

chapter 1 - it’s beginning to look a lot like christmas

written by @sweatereddies​ and @gingerbreddie​ 

word count: 2.9k

pairings: reddie, stenbrough, benverly

warnings: swearing, drug/alcohol use, pineapples on pizza

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new chapters every day in december, follow us for future updates!

Eddie Kaspbrak was late for class. While this was not an entirely unheard of event, it was uncommon, and frustrating enough to ruin his morning. He cursed both his manager and the powers that be as he glared at the patrons in line, each of them feeling just as impatient as he. He had told his manager explicitly that he needed to leave the shop with enough time to get to campus, but because of the rush not only had he lost his travel time but it was now five minutes past when he knew his lecture had been started. Shooting his coworker a pleading look, he was only met with a mouthed “I'm sorry” before they both dove back into the rush. Eddie sighed to himself.

This is gonna be a long day.

______________________________________________________________

“So you're not going to your aunt’s this year?”

“Nah. She has to work super early for Black Friday and doesn't wanna do all the work for two people.”

“That makes sense.” Ben carefully avoided the unsaid question between them, instead choosing the safer but not quite completely safe option. “You know, if you're bored or whatever on the day you're more than welcome to come to mine. My mom and my aunt make more than enough for the five of us.”

“Thanks for the invite, I’ll consider it.” Bev smiled at him over her notebook.

“Plus, the Kappa boys and i are having a sort of “friendsgiving” at the house the day after if you want to join.”

“What, no crazy shopping spree?” Bev smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I'm leaving that to Stan and Eddie. I think they're taking Chris this year, though.” Ben laughed.

“Well, if they hit up radio shack tell them to ask for Linda.” Beverly chortled, turning her page and focusing back in on their work. “God, this project is gonna kill me.” She sighed, changing the subject.

Ben let her. “I don't know, it's not that big.”

“To you, mister three-point-eight.” She griped. “Some of us dummies have a much harder time with this shit.”

“Oh come on Bev, you're not dumb.” Ben replied, genuinely.

“Yeah, well, my GPA begs to differ.” She muttered, starting her paragraph. Ben smiled softly, before picking up his pen and doing the same.

______________________________________________________________

“Stan, thank fuck.” Eddie breathed into the phone as he continued power-waking at full speed.

“Christ Eddie, it's eight in the morning, what's got you so heated?” Stan grumbled tiredly into the phone.

“The fact that it's eight in the morning and I'm not in class right now. My dumbass manager didn’t let me out on time and I’m late. Do you have the car today?” Eddie panted, sprinting across a crosswalk.

“No, Tyler took it home for the next two weeks remember? No one’s-”

“Shit!” Eddie cursed, skidding to a stop near the bus station. “I’m gonna have to get a fucking Uber or something-”

“At eight in the morning? Good fucking luck.” Stan sighed. “Need me to call you one?”

“No…” Eddie sighed, watching a bus pulled up near him, the marquee reading the neighborhood near the college. “I’ve got it covered.”

______________________________________________________________

“So you guys don’t have any plans this weekend? Seriously? It’s end of term, bro!” Bev laughed as she and Ben walked to the campus coffee shop.

“Eddie said, and I quote, ‘if one of you fuck heads drags me to some dumb rager the night after I finish the semester, I will push you off the roof of said frat house.’” Ben said in a mock high-pitched voice, imitating Eddie’s classic Grumpy Tone.

“It’s that bad, huh?”

“I think Trig broke him. He was screaming along to an Enya song at like, three in the morning last week.”

“Who even does that?” Bev laughed.

“Someone whose brain has officially been fried.” Ben sighed. “He’ll be fine after the break. He just needs to relax.”

“Is he going home for the holidays?” Bev hugged her books to her chest, shrugging her purse strap back up onto her shoulder.

Ben shook his head. “I don’t think so. He’s been blowing off all his mother’s calls. Besides, I think he has work.”

“What about Stan?”

“Fourth quarter. He couldn’t get a day off if he died.”

“Corporate America hath its brutal ways.” Bev sighed dramatically. “Well, I think I might be joining you guys for this “friendsgiving” you’ve coordinated.”

“We’ll be happy to see you there.” Ben smiled.

“On one condition.” Bev smiled mischievously. “You need to get the boys to come with you,” she gently poked his chest, “And I,” she turned her finger to herself. “To the End of Semester party the Omega Nu’s are having this weekend.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You want us at a party?”

“Of course. It’s only gonna be the greatest party on the block.”

“On our block more like. Aren’t the Omega Nu’s across the street from us?”

“And one down!” Bev joked.

“Wow, a whole house down.” Ben laughed. “I don’t think we’ll much be able to avoid it in that case.”

“So you’ll be there?” She looked at him hopefully.

“Of course I will, but.. I’m not so sure about the boys.” He shrugged. “Stan is a toss up, but I’m positive Eddie will say no.”

“Tell him if he wants me at friendsgiving he has to come.” Bev pouted.

Ben sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.” Beverly smiled exuberantly. “But I can’t guarantee anything.”

“Call me for the time, Haystack.” She smiled as they reached the coffee shop. She leaned up and dropped a kiss on his cheek. “See you later.”

“See ya.” He waved as she ducked inside.

______________________________________________________________

The sound of a book slamming down on the table in front of his face jarred Richie Tozier from his sleep.

“W-wake up, asshole. I’m not d-doing this project alone.”

Richie groaned, a hand scrubbing over his face as he arched up. “Fucks sake, Billiam, could you slam that book harder?”

Bill dropped an equally large volume onto the table next to the first, causing Richie’s head to throb all over again.

“Jesus H. Christ Bill, does it not hurt you too?” He pouted.

“It does, but it’s worth it.”

“How come the only sentences you can get through are the ones where you’re making fun of me?” Richie grumbled, squinting up at Bill as he pulled the closest book towards him.

“E-excuse you?” Bill glared, raising an eyebrow as he sat down across the table.

Richie shot him a tempestuous glare, communicating more than enough, but added a middle finger for clarity.

“Shut the fuck up and d-do your section.” Bill griped, pulling his notebook out of his book bag.

“Shut the fuck up and d-d-d-d-d-do your section.” Richie mumbled to himself in a mocking tone, two fingers massaging his temple in desperate hopes of relieving the growing hangover headache. Bill didn’t respond, killing Richie’s need to continue his teasing. He gave in with a sigh, pulling his supplies out of his bag as well.

It took all of five minutes of attempting to study before Richie was over it. He glanced around the library, taking in the filtered sunlight dripping through the high arched windows. Someone across the way tapped an uneven beat with their pencil. A door upstairs closed. A girl from his Trig class crossed the shelves in search of an unknown tome. He watched her as she moved, both distracted and interested. Bill snapped his finger in front of his face.

“Tozier.”

“What?” Richie snapped, eyes still on the girl.

“Wh-what did you get for f-fourteen?”

“Fourteen? Fuck, Bill, I haven’t even gotten one. It’s too hectic in here. I don’t wanna work. Let’s go home.”

“Hectic my a-ass. There’s like, no one here.”

Richie pointed at the girl. “Yeah there is.”

“Oooohh, one o-other person, ‘scuse m-me!” Bill drawled dramatically. “Rich, this is our l-last assignment, p-please. Let’s just get it done.”

“Somewhere else?” Richie pleaded, dropping his head so his chin was resting on his folded arms atop the table.

“Wh-why?” Bill complained, throwing his head back.

“I can’t focus!” Richie whined. “I’m so sick of homework, Big Bill. I wanna party!”

“We p-partied last night.” Bill griped.

“I know, but that was just the beginning! I wanna go home and work on the bash. We only have a couple of days, we need decorations! Supplies…” He trailed off, giving Bill a strange look.

He shared the expression. “We also only have t-two days left of t-term.” He pressed. “So we have to get this d-d-done.” Resolutely, he turned back to his work.

Richie sighed, tapping a finger on the table in agitation.

He let Bill get about fifteen minutes in, before interrupting again.

“What’re you doing over break, again?”

“I t-told you Rich, I’m not sure yet.”

“I’m gonna stay.” Richie adjusted his position in the library chair, yet again. “I’m sure ole Went will be disappointed but he’ll just have to deal.”

“Your m-mom won’t be?”

“Don’t talk about my mom like that.” Richie joked. Bill looked up incredulously.

“That- wasn’t even a-”

“I’m tired, sue me.”

“Your brain runs on autopilot.”

“I haven’t had my coffee yet.”

“Or a good fuck in awhile, christ.” A new voice joined their conversation. “You look like shit, Tozier.” Mike Hanlon smiled his golden boy smile, swinging a chair around backwards before sitting in next to Richie.

“Mike and Ike, thank the lord! Here to rescue me from the clutches of Big Billiam.” Richie dramatically feigned a faint, leaning heavily on Mike only to be shoved off with a laugh.

“Fat chance. You know you need to do your homework, and you’re not leaving till it’s done.”

“Fine.” He sighed, sitting upright in his seat. “But I’ll have you know, I have indeed been laid plenty.”

“Lies.” Bill and Mike said in unenthusiastic (but accurate) unison.

Richie dramatically placed a hand to his chest. “How DARE-”

“Shut up and work, Rich. We have stuff to do today.” Mike playfully dope-slapped him.

“Like w-what?” Bill looked over at Mike, confused.

Mike gave them both a mischievous smile. “We are now the only frat south of fifth street planning an end of semester blow out.”

Richie pumped a fist. “Yes! How’d you manage it, man?”

“Gave the boys over at Alpha Sig some food for thought.” Mike said nonchalantly, examining his nails. Richie laughed.

“Fuck Mike, that sounds menacing as hell.”

Mike chortled in return. “Get straight Tozier, I didn’t fuckin kill them. I just gave em what they wanted.” He eyed Richie, who finally understood. “So now we will officially be the best party in the whole of college town.”

Bill smiled to himself. “Wh-what about Christmas? D-did they say anything about th-then?”

“Couldn’t get them to spill holiday plans, so it looks like Christmas is still any mans game, but we’ve got the market cornered on end of term.”

“Guys, we’ve got to get holidays too. I want the streak this year!” Richie pleaded. “You’ve got to stay this year, Bill.” Richie turned to him, hands folded in prayer. “Pleeeaaaseeeee please please.”

“F-fine, I’ll stay.” Richie whooped, earning a dirty look from the other patrons. “But only so we can w-win.”

“It’s hilarious how competitive you guys get over this.” Mike shook his head with mirth. “There’s no official contest.”

“Um, unofficial for sure, and who just spent an hour negotiating our party status with the enemy?” Richie quipped.

“Firstly, they’re our classmates, not enemies, and secondly, I did not say I was there for an hour.”

Bill raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, so it was like an hour and a half. You should be thanking me, assholes.”

“We thank you kindly, good sir.” Richie saluted Mike.

“Now do your homework so we can go buy decorations and booze.”

“Now that’s more like it!”

______________________________________________________________

“Honey, I’m ho-ome!” Ben playfully called into the house as he closed the door. One of his roomies, Chris, was sitting on their couch, pounding away at an apparently rousing game of Halo. He grunted noncommittally, barely taking his eyes off the screen. “Eddie and Stan here?”

“Upstairs.” Chris nodded towards the stairwell.

“We got invited to a party this weekend, you in?”

“Leaving Friday, but thanks.”

“No problem.” Ben called behind him as he started up the stairs.

Stan and Eddie’s bedroom door was adorned with a large whiteboard, which often contained doodles and messages the other boys would leave. Ben’s poorly scribbled banana and bird drawings were faded and half erased in the corner, still there from nearly six months ago. The center of the board had been erased (mostly) and bore a new message:

STAY THE FUCK OUT WE’RE STUDYING

Ben laughed to himself, knocking lightly on the door.

“What?!” Came Eddie’s annoyed voice.

“It’s Ben, can I talk to you guys?”

“Yeah, come in.” Stan replied, clearly much less stressed.

Ben swung the door open, only for it to collide with a solid object.

“What the fuck-”

“Oh, sorry.” There was the sound of some scrambling and then the door opened all the way; Eddie stood before him, arms full of books, with more (and about half the contents of his backpack, by observation) strewn all over the floor.

“You spread out again.”

“I told him not to.” Stan said calmly from his bed, where only a small pile of work accompanied him. “I’ve been trapped in here for awhile because there was a hazard on the floor.”

“I’m trying to get this fucking project done, Stan-”

“Eddie, hey, it’s okay.” Ben laughed lightly, clapping a hand on the smaller man’s shoulder. “You’re stressed, we get it. But maybe leave a walkway, okay?”

Eddie sighed weakly. “Okay…”

“What’s up?” Stan asked, setting his book aside, pen inside to mark the page.

“Just came to ask you guys about something. How was your day?”

“Just fine. Actually had a reasonable shift, so that was nice.”

“And you, Eddie?” Ben said, sitting in their office chair.

“Terrible.” Eddie flopped back onto his bed. “I worked opening today, so I was there hella fuckin early, and then the rush started right when I had to leave, so my manager kept me an extra half-hour! So I was late to class, and Tyler went home with the car so Stan couldn’t come get me. I have like, four dollars in my bank account so I couldn’t get an uber, so… I took the bus to school.” He shuddered.

“You took the bus?” Ben and Stan asked in unison, each shocked.

“Yeah. It was disgusting. I had to sit through all of Trig just… imagining what the fuck I’d contracted. I took like four showers when I got home.”

“He did.” Stan said when Ben shot him a look. “I thought somebody puked on him or something.

“I never wanna go outside again.” Eddie said dramatically, hands over his face.

“Not even if it would mean having Bev over for Friendsgiving?” Ben prodded.

Eddie sat up, sizing him up with a glare. “What’re you planning, Hanscom?”

Ben held his hands up in defense. “Hey, this scheme wasn’t my idea. But I did invite her.”

“And?” Stan asked.

“She says she’ll come.”

“There’s a but.” Stan confirmed.

“There’s always a but.” Eddie sighed, resting his chin in his hand.

“But- she wants us to go to the Omega Nu party this weekend with her in exchange.”

“No fucking way.” Eddie threw his hands up.

“I’m down.” Stan shrugged. “I hear they throw a good bash.”

“They do, I went to one with Mike last year. It was great.” Ben turned to Eddie. “All you have to do is show up Eddie. It’s right down the street, you can walk back home after like, five minutes.”

“I don’t even wanna go in the first place! Those guys just throw dumb shitty ragers, I don’t want to actually get thrown up on.”

“Eddie, please, she said she’d come to dinner.”

“I’m not being pimped for a date!”

“Quit being such a buzzkill Kaspbrak, oblige the poor man. Love hath made him a fool.” Stan snickered, smirking at Ben’s look of distaste.

“I hate parties Ben, you know this.” Eddie tried.

“Just show up with me. Then you can turn around and go right back home.”

Eddie crossed his arms.

“I’ll pay you.”

“In what? And don’t say arcade tokens, I’m not twelve.”

“Firstly fuck you, you’re lucky I can get free tokens to give out. Second, I was thinking actual adult money.”

“You can pay me in pizza.” Stan cut in with a shrug.

“Shut up Uris, you already agreed.”

“I still want pizza.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll pay you in one half of Stan’s damn pizza and fifty Real Adult Human American dollars.” Ben said with resignation.

“I want fifty individual one dollar bills, because what I’m most angry about is the inconvenience, pineapple on my half, and if, IF, all my projects are done, you have a deal.”

“You are NOT putting pineapple on my pizza, Kaspbrak-”

“PINEAPPLE OR NO DEAL.”

Ben looked between the two boys. “Fine. You have a deal. Shake on it.”

“Pineapple, Ben, really?” Stan whined.

“I need him to come!”

“You’re a monster. Sacrificing your morals, nay, my morals, for a lady.” Stan shook his head as Ben and Eddie shook hands.

“Pineapple on pizza is not a moral offense.”

“To some it is.” Stan mumbled.

“This is my revenge.” Eddie grumbled. “Now leave me alone, I have to finish my shit.”

“I’ll go get the damn pizza, then we can eat and I’ll help you guys.” Ben stood, filled with excitement about the weekend ahead.

“Thanks, Haystack.” Stan said, turning back to his work.

“Yeah, thanks.” Eddie said quietly, already lost back in the storm of his trigonometry project. Ben left the room, closing the door behind him gently and smiling to himself. This was gonna be a great weekend.

______________________________________________________________

authors notes: welcome to the party you guys!!! we’re very excited to get this fic to y’all <3 if you ever have any questions, shoot us an ask! if you want on the tagslist, please let us know! we’d love it if you could reblog our account/story to spread the word!! we hope you enjoy what’s in store ❤

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