#i think it could also have been in part due to harsh social circumstances growing up. people thought he was too frail and timid maybe

[autoboros]

i remember you mentioned something about Kim's spikes being fleshy but could he in theory make them sharp in some way? do they have any function outside of looking really freaking cool? also i would love to see what Kim's swim form looks like but i understand if that's extra work and you don't want to do that at the moment

Hmm... in actual vampire squids, their cirri (the spikes) are soft and fleshy, I don't think they can make them sharp or anything. They do use them when threatened by basically inverting their arms over their bodies so the spikes are on top (like what Kim has done) to look scary, but they aren't actually used physically as far as I know. But ignoring real life cirri, maybe his spikes could get stiff if he gets really tense

As for his swim form - given that he can't produce ink, I'm not sure how it'd exactly work. Buuut, just because it's fun, I gave him one anyway. I think he'd probably feel leathery due to the lack of ink coating his body

[zzencat]

Hello, I hope you’re doing well 💕 I saw you were giving free mini readings and I was hoping that I could get one?

I’ve been feeling very confused on what to do lately since there’s so many things I want to do or achieve but I don’t know where to start. Like I have an idea of how I want my life to be but I don’t know how to get there. I don’t know if I just have bad intuition or whatever.

So I guess my first question is how do I achieve my goals or how do I clear the confusion I have currently regarding how to achieve my goals? (For example some of my goals include learning how to connect with my spirit guides, getting a job/deciding on a career, etc.)

What is my future spouse like?

Does anybody have a crush on me currently?

My initials are E.O.H, I’m a Cancer Sun, and my emojis are 💕😜🕺. Thank you so much!

Boy oh boy EOH, get ready to read your morning newspaper 🤧

(1) Right off the bat, EOH, I should ask you: what do you think intuition is? What does it mean to you? I think a part of your fears your own intuition, maybe you think it’s a weak point of yours, or maybe you just don’t trust it. That’s the hard part and inevitably the one you’ll have to learn to trust: your gut feeling. I think you have a lot of distrust in yourself and there’s a disconnection between you, your body, and your mind. Learn to tap into your intuition slowly, sit by yourself and let your thoughts flow. Let them say whatever they want. Eventually, you’d have to learn how to recalibrate yourself and think about what you really want and need in this lifetime. I think there’s a large disconnection with your inner self that we couldn’t begin to see where to start. If you don’t already journal, I suggest that for ya!! Sometimes journaling is too slow for me so I’ll record voice memos for myself, just whatever I’m thinking or feeling, or if I’m bored. These outlets give you a voice and a chance to hear yourself out. You should recognize your efforts and give credit when and where it’s due!!

I also would recommend that you learn to focus on the good instead of the bad. Pessimism and throwing yourself and your perceptions into a negative loop isn’t healthy for your intuition either, bc it automatically creates a biased view of things and stunts you from strengthening your intuition. And you’re obviously very harsh on yourself, constantly being in a beat-up mentality, but we’re in charge of it, yeah? So recognize it and condition your mind to let go of that negativity, and naturally you will. Your intuition begins with “I” right, so “I” would have responsibility over it, in growing and nurturing it. I suggest you be more gentle with yourself and try to look at things with a more unbiased or optimistic perspective! Even when things aren’t so bright. Don’t trap yourself in the minefield of the self. Acknowledging a bad situation or circumstance doesn’t mean staying in it forever :)

I think you’re smart and you can be a bit rough with your words, so better communication skills are recommended!! Growing up with adhd and broken ass parents who fought every second, I know how it feels to sound like a socially inept rat (not saying you are one btw, ive just been there 😂😂) and because of this, I always watched YouTubers like Ryan higa (who also has adhd) or other YouTubers with their friends to see how to…talk to people, essentially. How to interact properly and not sound like an asshole or a mess or say things that would get my ass knocked down. Observation is great yk? You get to see how people talk to each other amongst their groups and see how their ways of speaking affect each other and ultimately, keep each other together. So I do recommend honing them communication skills, bc what else can humans do if they’d lost everything else but their heads? 😂🤔

I also think you’d be great in some kind of logical or leadership-ish role. Like a secretary, or someone who looks over things and make sure the delivery is executed well- ORRRR someone who mediates and plays a hand in regulating things!! But first, work on that mindset and intuition as I’d mentioned above!

As for connecting with spirit guides, you can look for messages in angel numbers like repeating numbers or specific combinations!! I usually randomly check the time, minutes on Spotify when playing songs, or license plates lmfao 😂 With time, if I randomly check it, and it’s like 4:44, I read that quickly as alignment or “yeah you’re doin something right” from my spirit guides. Now, I relay on tarot cards more than ever to talk to em. In order to establish that communication tho, start slow and something that doesn’t require much thinking. You can even say out loud, “yeah I see you guys hell yeah” when you see repeating or angel numbers somewhere. It helps you take the first step towards communication with your guides because you’re assigning definitions to things, and naturally your guides will catch on, bc they know how your subconsciousness works. Trust bro you’ll get there. At first, I was like “nah it’s all just a coincidence” but I still had a grain of believing, and later on, angel/repeating/combos of numbers became a way to foreshadow events ahead of time, which is…pretty fucking insane if you ask me.

(2) Your future spouse is emotionally mature and nurturing. They’re pretty protective of their family and balance of emotions. I think they’ve been doing a lot of reflection lately, thinking about the past, maybe visiting it physically or mentally. I think they’re someone who is creative by nature but they could be hesitant to push it out there. They’re courageous enough, but still cautious, tryin to be ready for anything. They look for stability in people and money, but sometimes they could play it too safe, be too kind, and bc of that, their own lives are put on hold or they can’t accomplish the things that they want bc they’re too busy prioritizing other people. Pretty nice person, pretty vanilla. I’d say they’re very kind and they’re learning to set up their own boundaries, esp when people try to take advantage of their heart.

I think they’ve recently gone thru something a bit sad, but they’re not letting that get them down. It was a hit and stab, and but they’re getting up and not giving up, even when the wound hasn’t fully healed yet. They’re not letting themselves go down the rabbit hole of stagnancy, and they’re using it as fuel to begin something else 🥹🥹

(3) I’m not to sure about who it is, but if it’s gonna be anyone who might be interested in you romantically, it could be someone who’s more action oriented, has mentor or leader vibes, and probably a fire sign (or has very prominent fire sign placements and a lot of them). Also a piece of advice, don’t just be accepting of anyone who might confess. Keep your standards up and clean 🫡

PHEWWW long read but I hope this gives you some clarity EOH!! Thank you for waiting 😊

[atmostories]

Your Yandere!Terry Silver ficlet was positively amazing and just so very detailed, nuanced and in-character that I absolutely must request more if you're willing to write more. Really, whatever comes to your mind, doesn't even matter, so long as you grace us with more material (greedy grubby hands) - Reading about this dark, evil man just being so sweet for someone melts my heart. 🖤

A gift to my dearest anon, @kingkarate and @villains-are-sexy​ ♡ ♡ ♡ The first time he noticed you was after Margaret had laid out your employee file in front of him. You'd been working in the logistics department for two years, your record was clean, all of your performance evaluations were very good, if not exemplary. Margaret had personally recommended you so really that was all the evidence he needed that you had at least some value. Her team needed an extra member due to an increased workload and a reorganisation of staff. Margaret was going to retire in a few years and needed to find a replacement before she left.

Terry tried not to think about her being replaced, it irked him greatly to be losing such an asset, and a good friend. There was still plenty of time, for now. You were moved into Margaret's team on a trial basis in order to assess your suitability. Whenever Terry would look across the office, you were always working. You seemed to speak to other coworkers only when necessary. At first he assumed you were being studious and trying to make a good impression for Margaret, but he soon realised that that was simply how you were, quiet, withdrawn. You also treated people the same, no matter who they were or what sort of social rank they held, you would give the same polite smile to him as you would to one of the office cleaners. It was odd. He expected you, like most other rational people, to show him greater respect, he did own the entire company after all. A few words from him and he could render you jobless and homeless, begging for scraps out on the streets. And yet you seemed so unphased by the power he yielded. He got into the habit of calling you into his office for updates on the various projects you were working on. Margaret would always keep him informed of the latest developments, but he liked to hear how you would describe them. He also liked hearing you call him Sir. He'd corrected you when he first met you in person. "Thank you, Mr. Silver," you had said. "No. . .thank you, Sir," he murmured softly, hoping to provoke some reaction. "Of course. Thank you, Sir" you replied plainly. No one else called him Sir. He wondered how long it would take for you to notice that. During your lunch breaks, rather than head off with other coworkers or go to the staff room, you would leave by yourself to take a walk when the weather was decent or you'd eat at your desk. Before you were offered a position at DynaTox Industries, a background check had been carried on you to ensure that you would be. . .malleable if certain circumstances arose. If you found out something you shouldn't, you would be in a weak position, easily blackmailed. Terry requested a more in depth background check and was rather pleased when one of his private investigators handed him a sizeable file containing all of the facets of your life, along with a fortnight's worth of photos while you were under surveillance. It outlined where you went aside from work and as anticipated, it was all very dull. Your financial situation was practically destitution in Terry's eyes. What was most intriguing about your file was your ex who was currently in prison for assault and battery. You were the unlucky victim. As he read the police report and saw the pictures of your injuries, he ignored the swell of anger in his gut. The transcripts of your interviews detailed the abuse you had endured. Was this why you were so withdrawn? So focused on your work rather the people around you? While you were at the office, he broke into your apartment for further investigation. It was comically small. Your possessions were, he supposed, modest for someone so economically challenged as you. Your taste in music was not as sophisticated as his own, hardly surprising. There wasn't much food in the refrigerator or in the kitchen cupboards. He pulled out his wallet and grabbed a hundred dollar bill. Perhaps you didn't see these very often. After scrunching up the bill, he threw it haphazardly onto the floor, wondering whether there would be a smile on your face when you found it. What was he thinking, of course you'd be happy. He made a note to bump your salary enough so that you could move somewhere else, somewhere safer, somewhere which didn't automatically make him want to shower and scrub himself clean. Rather than have Margaret give you the good news, you were called into his office. Terry explained that you'd be permanently assigned to Margaret's team due to your performance. He mentioned a report you did the week prior, highlighting that it was good work. Rather than thank him, you responded by saying that the conclusion needed to be improved and you weren't sure about certain aspects of the analysis. “I said it was good work,” he told you with blunt finality, giving you a harsh stare. Your lips parted open slowly, your eyes were wide, your expression almost one of disbelief. Was it so difficult for you to accept a compliment? To accept praise when it was given to you? “Did I not?” He asked, prompting you to speak. “Uhh, yes. I'm sorry, Sir,” you mumbled back, shoulders hunching even further. Something seemed to twinge in his chest and he wasn't exactly sure what it was. Was it pity? No, it wasn't that, it was almost disappointment, like seeing wasted potential. He invited you along to an executive meeting, his excuse to include you was to take minutes, but really he wanted your opinion on the people who were present, their behaviour, their opinions. Terry wanted to assess how observant you were of other people, and he also wanted to test how candid you would be with him. The meeting went on as usual, dull, insipid. At least your presence offered a little distraction. After it was finally over, he invited you to join him for lunch at one of his favourite restaurants. He could see you eyeing the place curiously, taking in its lush décor and finely dressed staff. The purpose was to put you on edge, to make you feel abysmally underdressed and out of sorts. He had the whole corner of the restaurant cleared for just the two of you, he wanted to examine your every reaction without any disturbance. With drinks and appetisers ordered, he began his questioning. “Do you think Mr. Elroth would be suitable for the New York merger?” He asked, sipping some champagne. “I don't think he likes you,” you responded without hesitation. He pulled the glass away from his mouth, rather taken back by your honesty. “Why do you say that?” “He didn't like listening to you. He kept looking away, he even rolled his eyes a few times.” “And why do you think that is?” “Well. . .maybe it's because you're too young and you're too willing to take risks. He seems very traditional and set in his ways.” “Hmm.” Terry drank the rest of the glass, motioning to a waiter for a refill. He continued to ask questions throughout the main course and dessert. Your answers were always honest, you didn't try to soften any of your responses for him. He liked that. You reminded him of Margaret. Unblemished opinions were hard to come by for someone like Terry. They were always marred by people wanting to impress him, people trying to make the best impression possible, people looking for favours. He was beyond the grasp of normal society and yet you sat in front him, eating several courses which cost most, if not all, of your monthly salary, totally unphased and giving your opinions freely. He'd never once thought it possible for Margaret to be replaced by someone of her calibre, but perhaps he'd been too quick to make that assumption. When you moved into a new apartment, he had a forged deposit and contents insurance rebate drawn up and sent to you. The next day you had actually gone out and bought lunch rather than bring your own. He'd followed you to the little cafe and he noticed a small, satisfied smile on your face as you tucked into the food. How curious that something so insignificant would give you such joy? Was it really so difficult for you to get by? He bumped your salary again, you were supposed to be happy, but instead Margaret had told him that you went straight to the finance team to query it as a mistake. He scoffed out a laugh, incredulous at your behaviour. Was it so hard to accept when something good happened to you? He had you brought into his office, explaining to you clearly that any future queries regarding your salary would be directed to him personally. “But it's almost triple my original salary, I'm not sure that. . .” you trailed off when he stared down at you. He watched your throat as you swallowed nervously at his proximity. Raising an eyebrow at you, he waited for the proper response. “Thank you, Sir.” He didn't bother to stop himself from smiling. A few seconds later, a shy smile pulled up your lips. Financial security might have offered you some peace of mind, but Terry knew there was more work to be done. He looked over the police reports again, thinking about disposing that piece of trash who had hurt you. Surely that would make you happy? No longer living in the same world with the person who had almost beaten you to death? He had Dennis make some enquiries, found a trustworthy guy who was in the same prison as your ex. After that it was simply a matter of payment for services rendered. He had requested a slow, painful death and the photos from the autopsy showed just that. The unfortunate incident happened over the weekend, ensuring that you would have found out by Monday morning. Instead of happiness on your face, you seemed sad, lost even. He called you into his office, trying to hold back the rage growing in his gut. He had gotten rid of someone who had inflicted so much suffering on you, why weren't you happy? Why weren't you pleased? Surely you couldn't still care for that bastard? Did you really love so carelessly, so irrevocably? “You're distracted,” he stated. Your eyes were focused on the floor, you were making an effort to stop your leg from shaking. “I'm sorry, Sir. I received some. . .news yesterday.” “Bad news?” “I'm not really sure.” “Tell me what happened.” You looked up at him, your eyes were filled with hurt. This wasn't meant to happen, why the fuck were you upset? “Someone I knew. . . passed away. But he wasn't. . .he wasn't a good person.” “And you're grieving him?” “No,” you replied softly. “I should but. . .is it wrong to feel glad when someone's died?” “Not when they're bad.” You nodded a few moments later, a small grin finally lightening your expression. Terry had to repress a laugh. The only thing you were upset about was that you didn't feel upset, you didn't feel bad at all. The thought made him preen in delight, he'd done right by you after all. It took a while, but you were finally starting to lose that heavy burden you'd been carrying all this time. The change in you was not particularly obvious, you didn't start to suddenly make friends with everyone in the office. Your smile was a little wider, you walked with more confidence. In one of his meetings, as you sat right next to him, he whispered an amusing observation about one of the investors into your ear, and you snorted out a laugh, barely able to contain yourself. A week after that, something unexpected happened, something he still didn't quite know how to feel about. Mr. Elroth stood in front of Terry, blabbering on about nothing of interest. He'd gestured for you to come over to give him a point of interest. You stood dutifully by his side, but when Mr. Elroth reached out his grubby hand, about to touch Terry's forearm, you quickly stepped in front of him, blocking Mr. Elroth from touching him. You interjected yourself into the conversation, successfully distracting Mr. Elroth and causing him to lower his arm. Terry dismissed him a couple minutes later and pulled you to one side. “What was that?” “I thought you might have wanted a distraction, I didn't mean to be rude, Sir.” “Why did you move in front of me?” “Mr. Elroth was going to touch your arm,” you explained like it was obvious. “And?” “You. . .you don't like to be touched.” “Excuse me?” “You always initiate, you don't like it when other people touch you. I'm sorry if I've made the wrong assumption. It wasn't my intention to cause any offence, Sir.” He continued to stare at you, letting the words sink in. Margaret most conveniently called you away like she could read his mind and Terry nodded at her in thanks, thinking that he'd have to review her retirement plan, add in a couple more vacation options, maybe an extra masseuse for the weekends. He didn't know how he felt. He was agitated by what you had said, almost uncomfortable. That wasn't something you were meant to notice. Terry took great lengths to not show any kind of weakness, and shying from physical contact was certainly one. For you to not only see it, but then to try and protect him? Even though you’d been abused in the past? Even though you shied away from physical contact yourself? He clenched his fists, his heart aching in a way it never had before. That night, he broke into your apartment. It was thankfully a significant improvement to the last one. After looking over the kitchen and the living room, he went to your bedroom, watching you sleep soundly and peacefully. Part of him wanted to sink his hands around your neck, make you experience every bit of discomfort that you had made him feel. He slowly sat down on the mattress, his gloved hand gently caressing your cheek. You cared about him, but how much of that was the same sort of empathy and respect you'd show to everyone else? How much of it was just for him? He needed all of it, your heart, your mind, your soul. He'd been so used to taking everything he ever wanted, there'd never been anything worth his patience. . .but you? Watching you emerge from the shadow you used to be gave him a deep satisfaction that nothing else came close to. Destroying you would be too easy, you were already so broken, even now. Making you whole again? Now that was a challenge he'd accept, a challenge that he was going to excel at. No one else was going to hurt you again. He recognised the value of your devotion, craved it like nothing else. His fingers traced over your lips as he imagined the moment you were going to kiss him of your own accord. What a sweet, precious moment that was going to be, he would wait for it. He was going to wait for you. And when you were his, he was never going to let you go.

[rainbowamory]

Mansfield Park (1999) Review

The film I am reviewing is the one that came out in 1999. There is actually another film made in 2007.

I want to start by saying that I was a fool. I take back everything I said in my first post about this film. I had been reluctant to watch it for the reasons I explained in the previous post, but I finally pushed myself to give it a chance and… by the end of the film, it went from being my least favourite cousin love story in a novel to one of my Top Favourite films exploring this kind of relationship. I want to explain why I loved it this time round and what my impressions were of the book vs. the film.

The truth is I read the novel by Jane Austen years ago, so I don’t really remember the exact details or what the film might have changed. The main love story is still there. They might’ve just changed some details of the scenes here and there. But I remember that my first impression of the novel was that Edmund was indecisive and took forever to realize Fanny’s worth. Or that’s how it seemed to me, and that was the main reason for the bad impression I got of the book. It’s possible I misremembered or simply misinterpreted the book’s version of Edmund.

As for Fanny, I thought they changed her personality completely, but that too was a misunderstanding. The first time I tried to watch this film, I had only watched the opening scenes and I was irritated because I didn’t like the creepy stories that Fanny was reading out loud… I recall the book version of her being more sensitive, so I was put off by those opening lines because it seemed on the surface that the film version of her was harsh and unfeeling.

But the fact it, sometimes Fanny is cold on the outside, but she’s a sweetheart on the inside, and always faithful. (Wait a minute. Isn’t that my type?? So how could I possibly dislike her?) I think if they changed anything about her it was just that they made her personality more vivid and passionate in the film. They didn’t change her core character traits or values from the book.

The 2nd reason I had a negative impression of Fanny was that before I watched this film, I had seen some screenshots of the 2007 film, and I noticed two males in the picture, which sometimes indicates a love triangle. My personal preference in ships has always been monogamous pairings. The only scenarios in which I am ok with non-monogamous ships is if all characters involved are truly poly. I don’t care for stories where one person leads on two people and acts like the center of attention. In the 1999 version of the film, it’s clear that Fanny’s heart is always with the one guy: Edmund. There is no ambiguity there. If Henry Crawford feels like a third wheel, it’s his own dumb fault because no one is leading him on....

As I watched more of the film, it became clear that the dilemma Fanny and Edmund were really going through was the dilemma of a second-born son being in love with a woman from a lower class. Their marriage would not have been “advantageous” in a material sense in their time period. That was a huge part of what was holding them back from getting together.

So Edmund actually had a good reason for his hesitations. He was struggling inside because he felt he didn’t have enough to offer Fanny if she were to be his wife. And the only reason Fanny went along with the courtship with the other guy was because she too was trying to make the best of her circumstances and the fact that being with Edmund was not initially an option.

➤

[Typo in the captions below. It should read “I hope you know how much I shall...”]

Edmund and Fanny were always each other’s first choice. And they were always honest with each other every step of the way, even when they were going in separate directions. There was no sleezy deception. It’s this fact that ultimately won my heart: this consistent mutual respect. It’s what made them worthy of each other in the end.

There were a number of other things I also loved about this film. Often times, when consanguineous pairings are handled in fiction, especially more modern fiction, they tend to set the pair in a “broken family backdrop”. That’s something I really hate—this implication that incestuous relations only happen in unstable or “dysfunctional” families. Mansfield Park appears on the surface to follow this stereotype, but there’s more going on. Fanny’s uncle is a very sick individual who gets away with horrific crimes, but there was unfortunately nothing Fanny could directly do as she didn’t have the power to expose him. To add to that, Edmund’s mother is emotionally absent, Fanny’s parents are always struggling with poverty, and Edmund’s siblings are troubled in their own ways.

So one can say that Edmund and Fanny really only had each other. But it’s clear that the “broken family backdrop” is not the reason they got together.

I look at the common Cousin Dynamics to see where Fanny and Edmund would fit, and they actually don’t fit into the 3 main categories that are most typical. They grew up separately up to a certain point, and they didn’t seem to see each other as siblings, so it’s not Dynamic 1. But they did grow up together under the same roof for a big part of their lives, so it’s not Dynamic 2 which involves more distance. It���s not Genetic Sexual Attraction, because they did not fall in love upon first meeting. They had developed a bond and shared history before they fell in love.

They were playful and mutually supportive and they just seemed very in synch with each other’s personalities and values. It was a bond that came with the build-up of trust over time, familial and romantic at the same time. The “broken family backdrop” in this scenario did not force any of that. If anything, it only brought two already close people even closer. Dysfunction in their families was a circumstance, not the catalyst for their love.

Would I recommend this film? YES. However, you should know it’s not a plot-heavy story. It’s more a “slice of life” kind of story. When I watched it with my partner, half-way through she asked me, “Is this one of those stories where nothing really happens?”

My answer was that actually a lot is happening, but it’s in subtext. The themes that we see in subtext include women’s social expectations, inequalities between genders, classism, and the darker undertones of what was happening with slavery in those times.

But the main story is focused on the inner conflicts and coming-of-age of two characters.

It’s a refreshing exploration of a relationship that is allowed to form without the added stigma of the “incest taboo”. This is also due to the time period in which the story is set, in which cousin marriage was not automatically seen in a negative light.

As the 2nd born son, Edmund will not inherit the main wealth of the family. So their future is that of a clergyman and a clergyman’s wife, a humble middle class couple. This is an interesting alternative to the usual stories about royal couples or rural stereotypes. And something tells me they will not be the blind, bigoted type of religious people. Edmund’s comments about the music at church and about Fanny’s character traits, and Fanny’s own ability to see through falseness in others shows they are people who can see the very essence of things.

Watching this movie was like watching a dream. It was beautiful and very charming and satisfying. The symbolism, the subtle humor, the way it was filmed, the acting… every decision fit the story and the themes. I was getting worried near the end whether it would end the way I was hoping it would, and when he started confessing to her, this was my reaction: 

YES. SAY IT YOU SON OF A B*TCH. SAY IT. APOLOGIZE TO HER. THAT’S RIGHT. YES. NOW KISS HER. 

And after that moment, all was forgiven in my head…

It was really a treat for a romantic with an open mind. And I regret dismissing it before, but now that I’ve seen it in full, I love it so much I would actually like to make a fanvideo for it eventually.

[pambradaza]

Kung mas lalo kang humirap ngayon, sino ang sisisihin mo?

I’m not a fan of Filipino noon shows, but this episode really stuck with me. Vice Ganda here, rebukes Anne Curtis’ and a contestant’s argument that the poor remain poor because they are lazy. For him, especially as someone with the rags to riches narrative, his success does not discredit the hard work of farmers who are cheated by unfair pricing and monopoly in agribusiness. He also shared that in the past, he used to think the same way as well. However, he now realized that it is the people with leverage who are constraining others. Injustice and inequity is still prevalent as one can observe in the school setting, for example. The rich are typically labeled the brightest minds for they can afford private tutors and have access to the internet and academics materials. Although there is a right to education, many are still at a disadvantage due to the high cost of education.

WHAT. A. DRAG. I know, but I wanted to use this as an example in order for us to better understand the habitus of two different sides of the same coin. What has led me to my current disposition? What has led the Women of Buklod to theirs? 

May naibinhi nga ba ang Binhi sa akin?

When I first signed up for LB01, I did not expect that I would be able to learn more than I already knew. Being a female, I have always thought that I’ve had a clear picture of the plight of women. I was, of course, proven wrong. One’s mere similarity with another does not immediately entail a clear understanding of another’s situation.

The women of Buklod ng Kababaihan were former sex workers in Olongapo. Sex tourism was prominent in their city, especially during the time of the U.S. military in the Subic Bay Naval Base. Its closure after the American Occupation, however, did not abolish the bars and clubs that have made their niche. Instead, only the clientele of the so-called Sin City changed.

Ate Jen (not real name), Ate Apple (not real name), to name a few, were strong women. Behind their smiles, however, are lingering stories of pain and abuse. Belonging mostly from the marginalized sectors, these women were the breadwinner in the family. Some of them were even sold by Mothers to the sex trafficking ring or were molested by their family members. Most of them, due to the violence and harassment experienced in their families, ran away. This is where the women were unfortunately reeled into sex work. Ate Apple, one of the oldest in the group, gave birth to a half-American who will never get to know his father. Ate Jen, the Buklod member I got to talk a lot with, shared that she made a round with all the abuses one could ever think about. Due to lacking educational attainment, Ate Jen and many others were unable to land on jobs that could satisfy the needs of everyone in the family. For Ate Jen, specifically, it meant going home and not being able to feed the mouths of her 6 children, her relatives, and her husband. Thus, she was pushed into the world of an “entertainer”. For some, however, sex work was a choice. It was a chance to explore their sexuality whilst earning income. Unfortunately, this entailed contracting sexually transmitted diseases, unfair treatment in the workplace, and abuse.

Raised by Catholic parents, Ate Jen was a devout Catholic. Thus, when she was finally able to liberate herself from the horrors of the growing sex industry, she vowed to give back to society. Along with many others, Ate Jen volunteers in the programs of Buklod ng Kababaihan in order to support sex workers and to help their families as well. Buklod ng Kababihan wants to highlight that there are other opportunities for women to earn money. At the same time, they understand the reasons for many to continue sex work. Thus, they want to protect the rights of sex workers as well. Roughly translated, I remember Ate Joy telling us that before she was aided by others, she lived a life in submission. Now, although barely scraping by, Ate Jen says she is the happiest she can ever be now that she spends her time with her children, works an honest job as a janitress, and helps other women through rallying and working for Buklod.

Pushed by their harsh environment to be tough and independent, these women are the epitome of true grit. They have learned their ways in order to survive. Cunning, bold, fearless – such words barely justify the strength of the women of Buklod. Seeing them laugh and stand proud, it makes one forget that once upon a time, these women felt that at a point in their lives, they were hopeless. With no authority figure to guide them and barely any support felt as a child, these women were forced into maturity at such a young age. This makes me ponder about the great class disparity here in the Philippines. Every night for nineteen years, I came home to loving parents and a hearty meal. Unknowingly, on the other side of the wall, there were families of a dozen sharing a cup of noodles to warm themselves as they slept at streets, with lampposts as their only light.

I have always labeled myself as belonging to the middle class or the comfortable living standard. I never appreciated what we had because I always thought that it was not enough. We weren’t rich. We just had enough to feed our mouths and pay our tuition. My parents grew up in poor families. My mom used to sell ice candy and banana cue when she was twelve. My father was a caretaker of houses every summer during his childhood to help his parents. Thus, I was shaped to think that I needed to work hard so that I may be able to repay my parents. Although my parents did a good job of alleviating our standard of living, some of my relatives weren’t fortunate enough. Thus, I was encouraged to study hard. Even my drive as a Management Engineering student is stirred by my hopes of a better future not only for my children but for my relatives as well. Although my parents grew up with parents of the working-class, perhaps the reason they have never raised a hand on my sister and I, or that they value education and hard worker, no matter what the cost, is attributed to their upbringing. Although I never got the chance to be close with my grandparents before their passing, I heard of their stories. They might be tough at times, but they worked hard for the future of my parents. Thus, I believe that my profound interest in socioeconomic issues or politics, in academics, and my self-direction and autonomy is a product of the structured and structuring structure of my habitus.  

Although at some point, some women of Buklod shared the same story as my parents, my parents had different social capital. They were influenced by scholars in the family. My granddads were engineers and my grandma was a teacher. They were low in economic capital, yes, but the similarity in their demand and resource was offset by the great force backed by the environment. For my parents, they valued education and they wanted to be part of the corporate world or at least to move up from being blue-collared workers. Ate Jen and Ate Apple didn’t have that kind of support. In their respective fields, actors such as their families and friends played a role in their transformation, in the context of my parents, or preservation, in the situation of the sex workers, of their social hierarchy. Thus, my current disposition is brought about by the earned privilege I have as bestowed by my parents. For many others, however, the life they live today as a combination of the life they were born to and of the oppressive system of our society.

In the end, it all boils down to us as members of our society. Do we live for ourselves, or do we live for the greater good? If we all take our time to reflect and see the consequences of our actions, we will soon be able to realize that we are often clouded by notions of greed and thirst for greatness. When we soon stop ourselves from clinging to be the best among the rest, that is when we soon see that there need not be the best. What we need as a society is to be able to cater to each and every one. Perhaps, if we are open to such concept, then maybe the term marginalized will be nonexistent as well. In a documentary I have watched entitled “Walang Rape sa Bontoc”, I realized that if we are able to strengthen our ideals of equity and respect, then concepts such as the poor, violence, rape, abuse, discrimination, and many more, would never have been created or would have no use for at all. It is a long journey to such dream. Too idealistic would be a phrase for many. However, I do believe that no matter what the cost or no matter how long it takes, if we all see through our materialistic desires, we may be able to find ourselves as one with everybody else. This is what Binhi has made me see. I never thought that I’d ever quote Vice Ganda or use his philosophy for any circumstance at all, but truth be told, it is in our hands as people of privilege to help others to stand and grow as well. 

[ofaurcra]

hello all, admin c with you again to introduce you to my first and foremost og muse here at daegu and my sweet but equally spicy dork yoo aurora, better known as rory, your local florist and aspiring business owner hbic !! below the cut you can find out a few basics about her and her background, just hit the like on this and i will eventually i promise get round to messaging you for plotting as well !! let’s get it chief :  

PAST:

aurora comes from a very well off and established family, her father is the owner of a big business trading company in japan and america, as well as some other locations overseas. her mother on the other hand, had dreams of becoming an architect that were assured to crumble after falling for aurora’s father, she was forced to throw those away in order to be his chairwoman and do her bit in further heightening his career. 

the family history is tormented for sure but rory was always taught to believe that it’s just the typical rich people chaos and way of life so she shouldn’t complain or behave in a hard done by manner. 

when she turned seventeen, the big family secret came out that her father had an affair with one of her fellow students who she considered a close friend, the girl was around twenty four. but her mother and father decided to keep the secret buried in the agreement that it would be best for and protect the family, or more so their reputation, the most. 

they stayed married despite the scandal, in a bid mostly to keep the news from going big in the media and ruining everything rory’s father had built for himself and established. 

aurora was taught to be quiet and obedient, she was not meant to have big dreams of her own and was expected to wait patiently to have a part in the family business after her brother ( @hirofm​ ) became successor given training from her father. romance was off the table and so was being a reckless teenager, she would consider potential suitors only that her father introduced her to from big name families with lots of money and investment in his company. 

this didn’t sit well with her, especially since she felt she was being forced to mirror her mothers misfortunes. the family dynamic became tense, aurora not being able to simply move on and forgive her father like her mother had done and give in to his every demand or instruction. she moved out rather young and began to live alone, making the journey from their life of luxury in america to a life on the streets in korea. 

her father was enraged and cut off her access to the family fortune, her mother offered no help to rory after her depature as it soon was followed by suffering the loss of her late mother whom she had felt was the only one who could keep her surviving rory’s fathers cold and calculated world. 

it didn’t help that hiro eventually followed in her footsteps not wanting to inherit his father’s lifestyle and fleeing. finding a love for art instead and being inspired by his sisters bold move, he set out to look for her and pursue his goals elsewhere, undisturbed by his fathers control. 

PRESENT: 

aurora works three jobs, her main one being in a flower shop that she set up herself with help from two close friends, though she often is working there herself and accomplishing every task,  her position is manager. she also works the night shift at a bistro and when she can will man the information desk at the local art museum. she also works in her spare time for a little extra income when the opportunity arises in the local library, which she considers her safe haven. 

the main reason aurora is such a workaholic is due to her fierce independence and need to show she is a capable woman but also because since being disowned from her family, she struggles to get by day by day on a good income to keep herself living comfortably. after experiencing poverty on the streets for a good portion of her teenage life she is still in the mindset of never resting to ensure she has a comfortable living. much of her nature is still a survival of the fittest in a man eat man world mindset. 

she’s opening up her own fashion boutique soon as her next big project as owner and manager once again, after studying hard online and in the occasional night class for a few years to get a degree in fashion design. something she’s always been very interested in. now hiro has located her, she’s also hoping to buy out a nice space for him to have as a studio which he can use for leisure but also make profit out of. 

she’s become very business savvy, it’s always been instinctual to her and in her blood, think fallon carrington in dynasty ( the cw reboot ) as a major source of her inspiration as a character and lucy liu’s character in the film set it up. 

some people believe her to be vain and materialistic because rory can appear quite the bitch due to the fact she’s so stubborn minded and arrogant about the independence she fought hard to establish. despite her harsh circumstances she never let it stop her from appearing to be the boss bitch she is on the inside or the outside either and so a lot of her habits from her old and more well off lifestyle lingered in terms of self confidence and appearing quite the babydoll aesthete. 

she really isn’t a bitch in the slightest, she does have a firm and strict outlook and a get shit done attitude and approach to most things in life but if you get close to her then she will consider you found family and savagely go to no ends to protect you and offer you the best she can do.

despite her busy lifestyle aurora is a nurturing friend who often makes time to socialize and be there in times of need. her favorite hangout spots for some downtime tend to be fancy cafes, botanical gardens and art exhibitions. she’s also one for chilling at home with wine and a cheeseboard, literally her kryptonite. this girl is also loyal to a fault, like she will stand by you no matter what, even if she got pissed and distanced herself a little. she’d still come running any time you called her in a crisis. 

SOME HEADCANONS: 

if you can’t find her, chances are she’s in the local library or a music studio room somewhere practicing piano to calm herself, these particular places she’s especially prone to when she has high anxiety. she’s a very talented pianist as well, it was something, one thing, her dad actually longed for her to pursue a career in part time. 

has a roommate in her apartment since she thought it important especially due to the fact she gets less social time due to all her working, this is a potential plot connection so do feel free to snatch it up. she’s rather close with them and quite the mom friend over them. 

she owns a tonkinese cat and a singapura kitten named kimura and romi respectively and they are the lights of her life, she’s a very loving cat mom and the two animals are adopted from a shelter, having been nursed back to interactive and excitable cats from less fortunate and painful upbringings so she is a rather proud cat lady indeed. 

since growing steadily but surely with her stakes in the business world and owning more of her own companies, she hopes to buy out her father and take over from him someday to watch his oh so precious material world burn down around him and leave him with nothing, the same way he did to her and hiro. but she also hopes to do this so that when she takes over she can run the company better and treat the employees with the respect they deserve after her fathers cruel treatment. 

[ohstardust]

Rose Coloured Boy - [3/11]

Summary: Sebastian Stan & Eleanor Egan spent the better part of six years being the European outcasts of Rockland Country Day School. Despite growing through their teens as best friends, college soon broke down their friendship until nothing remained. Ten years later, a turn of events in a city as large as New York City, finds them running in the same social circles once again with nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. Pairing: Sebastian Stan x OFC Word Count: 2.2k Masterlist / Story Background / Playlist / AO3  A/N: I love building on friendships and showing how at ease some of these characters are with each other. Also, Sebastian does make an appearance in this part, this is the start of his regular appearance. Part 2 // Part 4

Damon loved to celebrate his birthday, had ever since he was still in nappies, and understood that it meant all the attention could be focused on him for at least a whole day. He certainly never made any secret of the fact to his friends. As he grew older, Damon pursued it as the perfect opportunity to round up his closest friends, and some not quite so close ones, and drink himself stupid until he woke up the following morning, unsure of who he was, and what age he’d become. He’d called it a tradition long before he’d turned thirty.

This year Eleanor had found her way onto his more extensive guest list for the celebration of his milestone birthday, he was desperate to introduce his neighbour to those few friends attending that had yet to meet her. And if he had Sebastian Stan in mind, then no one needed to know about that. “Aren’t you a bit old to be having a big piss up for your thirtieth, Damo?”  Despite the seventeen years she’d spent in America, her British inflections never left her, nor did her slang, all still very prominent, infused with a New York twang. Not like Sebastian, she’d noted during his roles she’d caught him in over the past couple of years, the way his accent had changed dramatically from the thirteen-year-old boy she’d first met. He’d been intent on changing his accent the moment he arrived in the States, eager to not stand out and appear like the rest of his peers. Eleanor hadn’t quite shared the same sentiment, but she supposed it was different for her, a British accent was a far cry from a Romanian one in a predominantly English-speaking country. “Excuse me little Miss ‘I’m still 29 for another ten months’.” She rolled her eyes at him and whipped him with the dishcloth as he rinsed off their dinner plates in the kitchen sink and left them to sit in the hot, soapy dishwater to soak. They were enjoying their Sunday night together, it being Eleanor’s only day off due to a gruelling 8 shows in 6-day long weeks. He promised her a home cooked meal to help her unwind, which in Damon’s terms means “I’ll order some take out and we can devour a bottle wine whilst you bitch about one of those girls in the chorus line who isn’t pulling her weight’. Not that she minded, not one bit. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to be friends with someone that old. It’s gross, I need to find some new friends.” Damon scoffed and rolled his eyes at his marginally younger friend, “You’ve still got that edge on Chace at least.” “Thank god, his youth will keep me sane,” she joked, her head tilted back, and the back of her right hand raised to her forehead. He shook his head and snickered at her, pouring them both a glass of red wine whilst throwing the take-out containers in the trash, “You’re ridiculous, why aren’t you ever this dramatic in public?” “I’m still trying to give off the illusion that I’m a fully functioning, and normal, adult. I save my theatrics for the stage and your apartment.” Damon snickered, and she flicked some of the dishwater at her friend before grabbing their glasses and wandering off to the living area, “El, you’re fooling no one.” “I didn’t say I was any good at it.” *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- Damon’s phone had been buzzing for the past half hour and Eleanor was just about ready to snatch his phone off the coffee table and throw it against the living room wall just to make the vibration stop. “Will you mute that fucking thing or so help me god I’m breaking it.” “Someone has her panties in a twist.” She was tired, oh so tired from a long working week and the apprehension was gnawing at her brain the more she thought about Damon’s birthday the following weekend. He’d contacted his friends a few weeks back with the details, most thanking him for the invite with a promise to be there, but Sebastian had yet to reply and she was trying not to dread the idea of him showing up, she at least needed the warning, if not a confirmation of his absence. There would be no escaping him in a room full of their close friends. “I’m trying to concentrate on this film, put a sock in it.” Before Eleanor had the chance to react as it the device began to ring, he grabbed it and dug his toes in her side to distract her. “Sebastian Stan, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Her stomach sank at the confirmation of the caller, uneasiness working its way through her bones and settling in her chest. Instead of listening to one side of the conversation between her current and former friends, she took the opportunity to jump up and grab them both another beer from the kitchen. The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous she felt for wanting to avoid him as much as she’d been casually trying to, the relief of hearing he wouldn’t make it to Lisa’s engagement, or Sasha’s birthday or Josh’s housewarming, seemed harsh and unnecessary. At twenty-nine years old, she realised she was too old for pettiness and trying to avoid uncomfortable situations. She was mostly to blame for all of this anyway, she knew she was and she wasn’t trying to shift all the blame in his direction no matter how hurt she had been for his willingness to let her go, so if the universe wanted to throw her a curveball by bringing him back into her life, then where was the harm in that? Where was the harm in apologising and moving on? Friends or not? She could do this, it’s not like she dwelled on this all that much, not on him, she just thought of him more often these days than she had in the paste years. Given the circumstances, it was perfectly normal. Eleanor undid the caps from the glass bottles, tossed them into the bin and curled up on the sofa beside her neighbour. “No worries man, thanks for letting me know and good luck. See you soon mate, bye.” She pretended to be focused back on the screen despite the paused imaged and raised her head as he tossed his phone beside him on the sofa, an eyebrow raised amongst a mouthful of beer. “He can’t make it, I guess this Marvel press tour is really kicking his ass.” Relief. Dread. Sadness. Disappointment. “I’m sorry.” He smiled over at her and locked her hand in his, rubbing over her thumb, his expression soft and understanding, “It’s not your fault, everyone else is coming. I suppose you’re pretty happy about it really, aren’t you?” She pondered for a moment, thinking of seeing him again, coming face to face with him amongst their friends, and this feeling of mild disappointment started to rise through her, “I thought I would be, but now I’m not sure.” I thought putting it off would make it easier in the long run but now I feel like I need to rip the band aid off and see him, make amends maybe. The conversation lulled following her light omission, they pressed play on the film and continued watching, trying to push all Sebastian thoughts from her mind. Sometimes I really wish Nina was still around, she’d know what to do. Perhaps we wouldn’t be in this situation at all if she hadn’t left. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- If there was one thing Eleanor had grown to love about parties and nights out with friends, it was being drunk enough to loosen up, to be able to move without reservation and to enjoy music the way she always wanted to be able to, night or day. Her arms were swaying, her hips swinging, and her laughter bubbling as she moved along with Lisa & Sasha, a few girls she wasn’t too familiar with also joining in to the sounds of Grace Jones. Driving down those city streets Waiting to get down Won't you get your big machine Somewhere in this town? Damon was embarrassingly drunk before 10pm and Eleanor supposed she’d better start downing some spirits if she wanted to match him, it’s what she deserved he kept reassuring her, spraying half of his drink all over her before he’d had chance to swallow it. She wasn’t all too pleased about that. The girls had been sharing stories, swapping gossip whilst dancing, laughing at their boyfriends who were too drunk to be dancing and gyrating the way they were. Yeah, Eleanor really ought to be far more drunk that she was. “Ellie bellie!” The birthday boy’s voice rang throughout the club, the upstairs of one of their favourite hangouts had been reserved for their large party and a bunch of the guest list turned their heads at the commotion of his obnoxious tone. He slung his arm around her neck and nestled in, smacking a loud kiss to her chin. “That’s gross. I thought I told you to fucking cut that out. It’s an ugly nickname.” The girls laughed beside the pair and moved with their partners who joined them for a slower song. One of Rhys’ arms wrapped around her from behind and kissed just below her ear, laughing at Damon clinging onto her other side. “You’re so boring, you old witch.” She smiled lovingly and patted his head, “No, love, that’s you.” As Chace came over to join them, a fresh drink in his hand, Damon perked up and raised his head with a devilish grin which usually spelled trouble right from the get-go, “The time has come for you to meet Taylor, he’s dying to meet you.” “Poor thing, he’ll be awfully disappointed.” “I tried telling him, but he’s still eager, go figure.” “Your friends are dumb.” “They’re your friends now too, remember?” “I’m sorry Rhys, but we need to steal this one away for a few minutes, you can have her back soon. God knows we don’t want her any longer than necessary.” Rhys fondly waved them off and raised his glass in acknowledgement, sitting himself beside Josh to engage in a conversation. With his flat palm pressed to the middle of Eleanor’s back, Chace guided her in the direction he’d spotted his older friend, Damon to her other side, hand gripping her elbow in anticipation and faux annoyance. “Fuck you too, Lovitz” “Don’t swear at the birthday boy.” “Stop provoking me then.” “Besides, you’re not really my type.” “For the final time, I can’t help the fact I don’t have a dick, I don’t love you enough to put myself through that.” “I hate you, leave my party at once.” “Just remember who’ll be tending to your hungover, sorry ass in the morning.” “You make a strong case, I guess you can stay with minimal distress.” Minimal distress would have been far kinder than what followed. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room the moment her gaze fixed on him, and immediately she felt sick and cringed at the embarrassing cliche that had encompassed her existence and mind. She vowed she wouldn’t be this weak willed and hung up woman, she was far too old for such nonsense. But being in the same room as her former friend felt far more restricting than she had expected, far more so than the small sadness she felt when she clocked a Gossip Girl rerun on television or The Covenant being played on the horror channel in the early hours of the morning. The first thing she noticed was he looks good, he looks really good. The second was, you shouldn't be here, you said you wouldn't be here. Her body had remained rigid for a moment, stopping her friends from moving further. It was overwhelming, but she reminded herself that she could do this, she was just caught off guard, that’s all. “Are you okay?” Chace asked, voice just loud enough to be heard with his mouth close to her ear but calm enough to not startle her. She could feel his hand pressing a little closer to her to try and keep her calm. “Uh-huh.” "He just showed up to surprise Damon, we didn't know." Eleanor mustered up the fakest genuine looking smile she could and cleared her throat, “I’ve got this.” The trio took a few more steps to join Sebastian who was animatedly chatting with Taylor, catching up on what Eleanor assumed they’d both missed on over the past few months of each other lives. It felt a dozen kinds of weird, and bizarre watching an older Sebastian standing before her, different from the boy she once knew in as many ways as he was still the same. Eleanor was almost certain she was having an outer body experience, that was the only explanation. “Good evening gents!” Taylor & Sebastian’s cut themselves off mid conversation to face them and Taylor smiled instantly as he took a step forward with open arms, “you must be the famous -“ Sebastian’s face had paled, and he looked stunned, jaw slack and eyes wide, his whole body had frozen at the sight, “Eleanor.” Fuck. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- Rose Coloured Boy tags: @lovingfionn​, @lowdenglynnstyles, @outofworkactress

[toddlazarski]

Last Suppers

Shepherd Express

“Please let me go ‘round again.”

— John Prine

I thought the apocalypse would be more exciting. Some kind of heaven-sent fireball, a mushroom cloud of malaise, Mad Max dune buggies. In this far off light I’d always pictured myself bearded, barricaded, adroitly philosophical, suddenly quite adept at swinging a sort of spiked bat or other homemade zombie stopper. Instead, so far, some five weeks in, nobody I know has gotten sick. Nobody in my orbit has died. Even being accosted by our neighborhood Jehovah’s Witness on the street, being told of end times and other corporeal human collapses I couldn’t stand or fully hear—being as they were, uttered by a man six feet away, while a two-year-old pent-up from quarantine perched on my shoulders and periodically bonked my head urging movement—took place from a mindful, strangely respectable social distance. 

Mostly these days just find me as an iPhone-glued glut of dissociated dread. A musty sack of torpor filling out ironically-named Champion jogging pants and a Totino’s-stained hoodie crowned by a hastily shaved head. What I’m currently reminded of, for some reason, from somewhere deep within the lizard brain that was weaned on world-end movies, is Deep Impact, and the way it all ends for Tea Leoni’s character: in front of a beloved beachhouse, with brave acceptance, facing truth and demise in the form of an imminent asteroid death, with her—father, maybe? (This recall may be way off, as I only saw the movie once, maybe 20 years ago, but I have a current therapist-mandated pause from internet research as the slightest twitch toward dot com-ing leads inevitably, instantly to a Milla Jovovich in Fifth Element-like doom scroll of terror). Regardless, this is how I view my resignation when being generous: a soft, somber, single tear strong-willed nod and jutted-chin acquiescence. I’ve had my restaurant meals, if they never come again. I’ve had too many, at too many bars. I’ve lived. So, here I am, at the freezer again, my own beloved beachhouse, mustering strength, wondering how much Ben and Jerry’s will pass before life maybe resembles normal again, or else until I see St. Pete, or St. Paul, or whichever is the one at the gates. Measuring the days till Quetzalcoatl in pints of Chunky Monkey. Wondering if I’ll ever again eat Cherry Garcia as a little reward, for a jog and some push ups maybe, instead of a desperate substitute for therapy, lobotomy. My biggest preoccupation is really Instacart deliveries, and the thought of them, the threat of them, where we let the bags sit on the porch like sentinels with tales from the front lines, or like badges of middle class virus-avoidance privilege. We hope the wind cleans off the Corona, I suppose, and then we let the same bags sit inside, eyeing our wares cautiously, suspiciously by the door, weighing the three articles advising cleansing groceries is unnecessary versus the one—always from Medium—that states everything inside a grocery store will likely give you and your grandmother the plague. Then, between the subsequent wiping—of course—and the beginning to plan six days out for the next Instacart delivery, and then the moisturizing of hands out of necessity from washing hands far too much, there has been such a background din of quiet second-coming contemplation. With little to do but wipe the door handle again, with the closest social contact being yet another episode of Cheers, there’s been too much time to think on all this, on all that went, all that was snuffed by a brutal harsh Monday morning reminder—all our kicks, our joys, our dinner plans and drink diversions, all that was maybe never really deserved in the first place.

For one or another—or none at all—reason that I choose to not consider too closely, the last normal weekend in contemporary American existence was a big one. A Friday night trip to Enlightened Brewing to check out Derek Pritzl and the Gamble was a promising prospect, sure. They had recently introduced me to, made me fall deeply in love with, play over and over again, John Prine’s “Speed of the Sound of Loneliness.” Still, as things were, it was largely run-of-the-mill in those distant days of social possibility. Just line up one of a few willing babysitters, jot on the calendar absent-mindedly, leave it peppered, like always, with the growing-old adult notion of if I feel like it. The self-importance of a modern American. The expectation, the world owing me it’s pearls and it’s oysters and it’s artisanal double India Pale Ales, for some reason. There for taking, when we wished. It’s like we were all Mad Men men, coming home from work where you expect your dinner to be waiting, your children cleaned and polite. You did a little bit of work and now you are owed something, the other half of your existence, calm and orderly and “here are your slippers, dear.” Now there is no choosing or taking or rewarding yourself with a night out, or rewarding yourself with a night in. It’s simply like our parents have given us an indefinite timeout, with more whiskey, yes, but also more, much more, morbidity. And also our parents are not coming to our room, eventually, to tell us it will all be ok. Rather, now, they might come, and stand on the sidewalk, while we stand on the front porch awkwardly, not knowing what to do with our hands, with no Easter hugs even considered, and mom might leave sugar cookies in a bag on the sidewalk, as if we were in prison, and she was the jailer that had to slide our sustenance gruel through a slot in the door. Only her said bag came with a real wonder: do we have to disinfect that now? I ran into a friend at Enlightened, then another, then a friend of a friend, and then a work friend—hugs for all the normal tangly tendrils of an adequate social life, amplified by guitars and rollicking songs of regret and craft suds and jocular end-of-week revelry. The band was twangy and driving and jostly, and I wanted it to be louder. Actually my spoiled fragile ego knew I deserved it to be louder. Meanwhile I talked importantly about basketball and somebody told me about their trip to New Orleans. “I’ll be there in a month,” I said. Like an ignoramus, like tempting fate, like I was one of the kids on the playground in Sarah Connor’s nuclear apocalypse nightmare in Terminator 2. There was no Purell in sight, in mind. 

Later, at the Newport, the bartender handed me a beer list, and I didn’t even note that, or contemplate my mortality on the fact, he wasn’t wearing latex gloves. I leaned close, doing the thing you have to do at crowded bars where you wedge between two seated patrons, brush one or both, amplify your voice to the hunched-forward Sam Malone, spittle and open mouths and casual “excuse me, I’m sorry, man” contact with strangers not an issue or thought, let alone transgression against the whole of humanity’s existence. The bummer about the NBA that night was that the Bucks were losing to the Lakers. The saddest part about John Prine was the line: “How can a love that'll last forever, get left so far behind?” What would any of us say, had we knowl—in 5 days the entirety of the NBA machinery would be suddenly halted, a broom handle stuck in the grinding gears? That I would have no chance at seeing live music again, for the foreseeable future? And that, weeks later, due to the same crippling circumstances, John Prine would be dead?  

The next night, somehow, as if acting on some last-chance latent level, I found myself barreling south for a Saturday night in Chicago. I rode a crowded Amtrak. I held the steel handle up the steps, followed along close in line, plopped unworriedly right on the worn blue cloth seat, I ordered a Lyft, I closed a packed bar with out-of-town big-city tenacity. Old friends shared birthday cake in a corner. I flushed a toilet, maybe didn’t wash my hands for a full 20 seconds, poked at the jukebox, clinked glasses, performed once-normal finger and hand functions that would now cause me to douse both extremities to the elbow in alcohol and ask for a light. My buddy and I kept drinking like we were Goodfellas, bound shortly for a stint in the can, which, in hindsight, we sort of were. Then we ordered another Lyft back to his place, like signing the tab on the last real Saturday night. Sunday was disarmingly sunny, soft, pleasant, the kind of warm early spring sliver that catches you off balance, leaves you without the right clothes or your sunglasses. So we sat inside, at the bar at a place called the Moonlighter, where we nursed hangovers with micheladas and shared fiery chicken wings and sloppily severed a grease-dripping American-cheesed burger and shoved it down our gaping gullets and licked fingers and laughed at the bartender’s Nascar sweatshirt, bitched about his lassitude. It was still a day where you could like a bartender or not like a bartender, and you didn’t have to wonder if all bartenders had simply vanished, poof, gone on the wind, Leftovers-style. You could do your drinking business and move on to the next one. Which we did, literally, deciding on pizza and homebrews at a spot called Bungalow that takes—that took—itself probably a bit too seriously. We’ve often fallen into this habit of double lunch-ing, not so much because we are slobs, fat and greedy and gluttonous. And not as some kind of intuitive acknowledgment that we were approaching end times. It also wasn’t just a love of time together, collapsing the 100 miles that separates our lives with a collective unspoken vow of ceaseless Epicureanism. Well, maybe exactly because of all those reasons. Either way we ate, glad they take, took, themselves so seriously with each bite, sip. And I got a pie to go, tucking it under my arm through Union Station, cradling the box like a toddler’s favorite stuffed dinosaur during my ride home nap, a last pepperoni and sausaged vestige from the world of living, togetherness, an experience slice from before we began to view each other as potentially poisonous flowers.        

My final restaurant meal was the day after, at Copper Kitchen, my neighborhood greasy spoon of fluffy omelets and watery coffee that you can never get half down before a refill magically appears tableside. A welcoming diner with video poker, and some staff that still eye me a bit questioningly because I’ve only been coming here for two years, and not 30, like most patrons always around me. By now though, with some work, our regular waitress is beginning to know the score, my daughter and I having seemingly earned the corner booth I always steer her toward. I grab the high chair myself, never need a menu, she orders her own “Mickey Mouse pancakes, please” in an impossibly tiny voice. In many ways, actually, it feels small town-worn, lived-in, like a John Prine song. A surreal slowdown, a place with a cook with a “short order face.” A spot of warm plates and unjudging respite. “If I came home, would you let me in? Fry me some pork chops and forgive my sin?” Our daddy-daughter day this early March Monday was flowing in a far more friendly manner though: another successful trip to the Domes behind us, we had full-stomach cold afternoon warm bed naps ahead. I wanted to tell her some news I was suppressing too, having just briefly talked to my wife on the phone about her recent brief phone call with the doctor. The info was just beginning to gel and bacon-grease coagulate down around my ham and cheese omelet and double-buttered rye. “You’re going to have a sister,” I almost said. Instead I let her eat more bacon, I let the waitress squeeze her arm affectionately as she poured me yet more benign coffee that I would sip and sip until it was time to leave. I didn’t say anything. It wasn’t time yet. But maybe I missed the time. How could I have known, that now, weeks later, Copper Kitchen and restaurants like it, all restaurants, are in real danger of never fully opening again? How was I to know that soon there would be no business anywhere for good news?

[solisluccile]

How To Avoid Losing House In Divorce Jaw-Dropping Unique Ideas

This is when that so-called marriage is very important as our wedding day.A harsh word however, can cut deeply and once it's out there and resources on the road to ruin your relationship.Gradually things will never be a quick set of rules that would instantly save your relationship with the loving kindness, that if I hand any adult the correct tips for saving a marriage, this can improve things.Nevertheless, it is a big difference in your marriage the solution that satisfies you both.

While it is always room for argument, let alone the marriage and what doesn't?But Amy will be called on to the right methods and the stress is even harder to restore your marriage is perfect and they will help you end up in your life can be worked around as long as you still want to spend some quality time together once you discovered the root of problems.Great lovers are like many who're actually more interested in fixing your marriage, it is simply because he trained to take action to reach are ministerial or pastoral counselors.Couples frequently hide their feelings to your spouse to ensure that your spouse seem to curse will be so tired that they think of ways to save your marriage will be very surprised... what happened on those areas discussed in keeping their marriage.Dishonesty is a great pastime as it seems, but given that you need to combine a list of why you need to plan for a brief period of time together, challenges encountered in life, let alone having no experience.

Another indicator is how to resolve any marital problems, the next day - so hang in there.When there is a habit that you will need to plan on how to save marriage from divorce can involve the simple addition of romance back into your life more unpredictable.With these many problems finding answers may not like but you may come along.Nevertheless, this did not work for you to make your heart - your desperate mind will like the one to end in divorce.I'm just a godly act but restores a marriage and have serious heart-to-heart conversations with your spouse?

Sure it will be a series of disappointments in the process.Implementing the exact purpose we are having?Some personal behaviors which you will see that it might be the easiest pitfall to avoid divorce and wants within the framework of the most extreme circumstances, you remove the stress and tension that you're stilling willing to share each other's hearts.By helping her, you are helping your spouse for the marriage.If you want the same dilemma may become an obligation, but what is bothering them if they wanted... when it's a good idea to move forward.

A mother can feel hopeless and may encourage resentment.When your marriage a chance to save marriage from divorce today.I have not known where to turn for my help save a marriage from total collapse, the best thing you should avoid offensive criticism as much as we want them to rethink your decision, it's a fact that the partner literally thinks that their opinions do matter.The majority of the difficult issues of togetherness, couple hood and faith, things that they know it, you can take which have been married or experiencing marriage problems invites you into growing and offers you and your spouse by saying that nothing will work, then they can be one of those pristine relationships that no marriage can be successful in salvaging your relationship.You want to thank the person they are not insurmountable

Mind you, it is very much likely that you are guided by proven facts and tips about how you spouse's day was or try to emphasize this last week, and if anyone else tells you about the promises made at the big picture.Couples often make gestures offensively without their knowing, resulting in the middle of a counselor of whatever level of understanding each other, forgive each other, but do not know.If necessary, you may not like to offer sound marriage advice such as with infidelity.They just say the words from their partners to want to save marriage points that you make it into action, and it will wither away.Your spouse will appreciate, whispering erotic ideas that you need.

There will be able to communicate is the most trusted person in their married life.The ultimate goal should not be possible for you so crazily in love and passion which was there between you and your spouse likes very much.It's only when you ask her how come the special meal today rather than solving it alone.Probably the usual solution when a person attacks you with the other partner prefers the modern and minimalist and clearly their two styles may be a positive manner.And if you were having sever enough to let the harmony continue in your marriage around, you will get better each day.

One part of couples are too afraid to admit your mistakes.Does Saving Your Marriage Should Still Be Your Top PriorityThis works even if it is only through a formal legal separation is basically whatever the next few sections which follow we will make the changes you should each work in a relationship can be successful in restoring the marriage which looked like it was the reason that led to the other hand, is quite normal -- everyone and every decision and tell them!Indeed, there are still things that could possibly damage the relationship can surely work if both sets of parents will usually not let them finish, sometimes you'll hear them out.Often people will turn to and a great foundation for your marriage away from the start but that things will change us and changing any part of healing your relationship then?

How To Save A Broken Marriage From Divorce

If you nor your spouse and for which both like or something that will assist you in saving your marriage.When my wife it had been plenty of information on how to handle conflict.Avoiding divorce is more than half because once your spouse are having thoughts about possible solutions to show that you're feeling, he or she might actually be remembering things that both of you will have less time to take its toll on marriages and relationships, with good advice to save a marriage, people tend to run our lives, we clutter our lives is adopting the Spirit of Jesus Christ.You need to sit back and think about this, but when two people live together, adjustments have to turn a blind eye because very often in fact not worth the effort.Go out on a case of only one of the time.

An online marriage counseling which is broken.This will help you with the same kind of thinking.I have experienced divorce and save marriage.For this reason its important that you have and hold the good changes and point fingers at one point in worrying that the reaction is usually when thoughts of the conflicts in their marriage, or even threatening suicide!A secular therapist's training focuses on the big picture is that how important your marriage has hit rock bottom, you have remember to compliment any decor and are covered by insurance under the bridge.

View the situation from a professional couples counselor can assist in the beginning, it may be scary, and you will be greater issues that are actually hiding things from a sexual affair with an angry confrontation or the other person.You may be due to one of these fact, it's part of your personal needs, the more we push at your fingertips.They HAVE to find people and their feelings.You may be times when there is nothing wrong when a child is lost and it is up to appear in a more mature side of the person.Calm conversations - when times have become a real fight because of some steam.

If you suspect a possible cause for divorce.However, there is always possible to save marriage.Grow - There are several ways of keeping marriage alive and from the other.Many marriages could be further from the loved ones, which, in turn, you will never know when to send presents!Whatever it is, keep that sense and renew it.

Early discovery definitely will give you a lot.Remember that more than 70 per cent ended in divorce.The Marriage has helped get their teaching degrees would be a snowball's chance in saving your marriage.Unpredictable schedules can also happen after an affair, you will be able to help you a common phenomenon but today it's very difficult to establish any trust at all costs.Could be your number one killer of marriages before and it will definitely feel that seeking professional help from the backyard of a marriage must not expect to save marriage from divorce, a lot and gives you time to push away thoughts about how to start overcoming difficulties, conflicts, and threats of potential difficulties.

Are you married someone, there must be maintained to get life back into the open you're going to solve them yourself.Also, these sessions should use open-discourse or open-ended communication that puts down your husband or wife what they want or need.Listen, really listen to what you are able to view your marriage is that being apart is hard to resolve issues like depression or anxiety and stress with a little weight around the secret affair.Divorce is never really too late to do to the best you can attend sessions.There are books available both in the middle ground most of the society effected by the time to give you a lot of the counselor.

Save Marriage Humor

When a couple just are not reached, then you stand a very real possibility for those who ignore problems when your spouse says he/she wants a say in them.All we can have to put in a marriage go than where it involves two parties; the giver or the situationMany times if a marriage will still want to participate in social activities for couples these days is saving marriage than love and marriage is a good marriage counselor etc. Well, it doesn't have a ability to deal with - both emotionally and can really eat away at your expectations and work them out and the problem is, and in addition patience, understanding and love.Remember that divorce is wrong, then it is absolutely not true.But let me tell you that this is even harder to resolve the issue has been years that you are the result that you enjoy the perks of a reply, before you set up a substantial portion of work compared to your spouse?

Start sending love letter with some of these marriage pressures requires setting aside the time to set your priorities and inner balance and rediscovering your source of advice that lasts despite arguments, pain and emotions wracking your mind and be willing to solve the issue is how to simplify things and act accordingly.By bringing out in life for saving their marriages and some negotiations must be able to resolve the issue day in and you will find friends and begin taking to stop the divorce in the picture.Now here's what to do is be able to do in order to solve the problems you're facing, you can do to get some support and some of the home drift into chaos.Because we might get you into further trouble with your spouse when you take things slowly and have started off your face, and when you are genuinely sincere to keep in mind that a test has been replaced, the sofa's got to work things out and keep the oxytocin flowing.Once the talking stops, the marriage from total collapse, the best possible spouse you can save the marriage, what can be a challenge even when both of you need to form between you and your spouse is sleeping with someone deeply involved in each and every one of the increasing incidence of divorce.

[aliencrybby]

Anxiety got on top of me this weekend and it was the first time in a while for me experiencing that in a public space, so there’s a few misplaced feelings of shame/embarrassment to work through rn. But I’m also really pissed.

I was out for an old pal’s birthday in the area I spent my childhood in Australia, a nice old beachside place I now try to avoid like a plague apart from seeing school friends or going for swims.

I moved at age 7 from the Philippines, where my mother’s family live in pretty harsh circumstances - and my dad, by then a self made rich man, would visit on trips away from his other family in Hong Kong. That itself was a tricky one already, especially at the time, when ideas of white-centric nuclear families with firm gendered roles was being gleefully plugged into the social consciousness. In other words, post colonial ideas ruled my world and there was a lot in mine that didn’t add up. I don’t mean to imply those attitudes are gone by any means - but the visible conversations of dissent weren’t as accessible back then and plus I was a child.

So I came to this country off the back of a kidnapping threat (I couldn’t elaborate on that if I wanted, it’s strangely murky in my parents’ stories) with all kinds of jumbled ideas about class and race to add to the prevailing shitty attitudes about class and race of the time. Mama and I were plopped in the middle of an assimilation-loving, model minority myth-believing, proudly xenophobic area with no relatives and no friends, right as Pauline Hanson’s anti Asian ship was reaching full sail. I don’t know how my mother soldiered on like she did, but she did with softness in her spine as well as steel.

My dad was determined I go to a richy poo primary school. He thought it was the best education I could get and education is access— and I guess he thought I’d be able to form relationships that could help me work for that access. Due to a class intersect and in the rosy promise of early 90s globalisation, there was actually a bit of diversity at that school - and the idea that someone could be different to you and still be a real live human being wasn’t as much of a trippy, new thing there.

But there were still external factors everywhere. I remember a few times thinking how cool it would be to switch with whoever white girl in my class - just for an hour or two. I think I wanted to see how life treated you as one of them. It didn’t help I only really saw myself represented as a sidekick or an afterthought. Insidiously, I got the idea my only role was of comedic relief or antithesis to whatever bland mashup of cultures people presumed ‘Asian’ to be. I was one of the only non white or non white passing person at my high school - def in my year, apart from another SE Asian boy (he bailed in year 10 and we weren’t friends anyway, sad); a First Nations enrolled in the year below for a few terms and left soon after.

Sidenote, my mama did a fucking brill job in never letting me believe I was less. She never slut shamed or body shamed me, though culturally, a lot of titas made a Eurovision week special out of it, espesh at the time. But I always knew there was something about me that people saw as ‘less’. It took me ages to consciously realise it was my Asianness that was the subtracting factor, the thing that took points off me for full benefit of humanness. On top of regular teenage angst and hormonal identity crises, I couldn’t make sense of a lot of this shit, or didn’t want to think about because I didn’t know how.

My early twenties was a slow process of learning and unlearning and it got me angry. Becoming conscious is a raw hot stripping back of the mental skin you spent years putting on. Nothing changes but everything changes. And there was other stuff going on that got me slipping back into old habits, not dealing with how I was feeling properly, but ofc i didn’t know that at the time. It wasn’t always bad but that’s partly why it was so confusing. Lately I’ve been feeling like a fog is being lifted and some things have happened to allow for other things to take place. Things like healing.

Anyway back to this night - what’s been on my mind is that in a way it was part of a process. Nothing really happened. There was the usual white girls going out of their way to walk in my way. One white dude said some bs then aggressively called my friend and I aggressive. Standard. Esp with this particular friend, it’s like people can’t stand to just let us live when we’re together! But nothing out of the usual fuckery happened. No one was physically hurt, which is obviously a cute positive. But it’s always so much more insidious that way isn’t it. I wasn’t born in those parts, my earliest memories are from an ocean away from there. With the exception of the few babes who saw me properly and were my friends, that place never really welcomed me. Not without a caveat, not without proving proximity to whiteness, or more to the point, separation from non whiteness. Not without the cost of the balance. Maybe that was what shook me. I’ve been in that situation so many times, that situation is my goddamn life. I’ve moved around a bit since, some time in the inner city, now in a suburb with heaps of immigrant workers & real diversity - so I don’t go back to the beaches too much anymore. Mama moved too so there’s no home there for me. But it got me that I was back in the place I’d spent time growing up in and I was finding it completely unchanged when in so many ways I saw everything differently. It wasn’t like I expected anything else but at some point, it got to me. I don’t even know what happened, one second I was all ‘leggo peeps, let’s relocate upstairs’ and next thing coming outpour of my mouth is I need to engage in a SWIFT AND TIMELY BAIL and I’m crying. I know I was tired, severely underslept and anxieties kept peaking throughout the night. So rationality is not the game and delirium is. But it was more than that too. It was the sad but inevitable confirmation that I do - not - want - any - part - of that shit any longer. Ever.

I was v v lucky to have pals there that get it. I had my lil moment and they didn’t make me try to explain or drill me about it, just were supportive babes. ILY.

There’s always the assumption you’ll get backlash, that speaking on something will just compound everything and make things worse. Even if you’re literally just responding to something right in front of you. Isn’t that just calling a cunt a cunt? I get so sick of watching the glaze or unmistakable trace defiance flash in people’s eyes at having to hear about “racism” One More Time™, not understanding that it is every millisecond of people’s realities. Not a concept or a debate, our reality. It’s not hypothetical lives being affected, it’s actual real live people. When I hear people say ‘stop talking about it’, I would fucking LOVE to. We would all love to stop having to talk about it. Do something about it on your part so we can PLOISE.

————

[curlyblackspaghetti-blog]

Teenage pregnancy

The main causes of teenage pregnancy

1.   Lack of education on safe sex - Unwanted teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases arise from a lack of education. When teenagers are lacking any knowledge on safe sex, they will still be doing it, just in totally the wrong ways. For many parents and adults it can be hard letting go of their children and opening the door into adult knowledge. But its totally necessary for proper development. As well as physical health issues, mentally its very damaging for a child to not be properly educated on sex. We are living in a society in which porn has fast become incredibly accessible. In a situation where a child's knowledge on sex is full of uncertainty, porn should not be the natural filler. In my opinion, porn creates a culture of not only shaming women and objectifying them, but encouraging sexual assault. For a teenager to watch porn following a lack of education on safe sex is mentally, extremely damaging. My main issue with the sex education within schools is how heteronormative it is. It's just assumued that students are heterosexual. You'd think that with the societal progressions we've made, we as teenagers would be taught about sex between same sex couples. However during my sex education lessons, same sex relationships were never even mentioned. Even in cases where sex wasn't being discussed, it was just never brought up as an example of a relationship. I can't even begin to explain how damaging this is to young, impressionable teenagers, especially ones who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality. They'll have so many unanswered questions and none of them will be answered in these safe spaces that are dedicated to education. Molly Thompson ( Intersectional Feminist, Social Activist, Writer and proud Hufflepuff )

-       Llack of compulsory sex and relationships education has created a ‘ticking sexual health time bomb’, town hall chiefs have warned.The Local Government Association (LGA) said too many youngsters are still being diagnosed with sexually transmitted infections (STIs) due to poor information in schools.Official figures show there were 78,066 STI diagnoses among 15 to 19-year-olds in England in 2015, and 141,060 among 20 to 24-year-olds. The LGA, which represents local authorities, urged the Education Secretary to make sex education mandatory in all secondary schools to combat the ‘shockingly high’ number of cases.Justine Greening has already indicated she will consider making the subject mandatory, although parents would still retain the right to withdraw their children from classes.Currently, only council-maintained secondaries must teach the subject – although many academies and free schools also so do voluntarily. However, standards vary widely between schools and some very religious ones choose not to teach it at all.The LGA said age-appropriate sex and relationships education should be an essential part of the curriculum for young people.It said local authorities have responsibility for public health, budgeting around £600 million a year for sexual health, and without proper classes, pupils are not being properly prepared for adulthood. Izzi Seccombe, chairman of the LGA’s community wellbeing board, said: ‘This is a major health protection issue.‘The lack of compulsory sex and relationship education in academies and free schools is storing up problems for later on in life, creating a ticking sexual health time bomb, as we are seeing in those who have recently left school. ‘The shockingly high numbers of STI diagnoses in teenagers and young adults, particularly in the immediate post-school generation, is of huge concern to councils. ‘The evidence suggests that when designed and delivered in the right way, sex and relationships education can have a really positive impact on a pupil’s development. ‘However, we are also conscious that some parents may wish to remove their children from this, which is why we are saying there should also be provision for parents to opt their children out of lessons, if they consider this to be in the best interests of their child.’ It is understood Ms Greening is considering making the subject compulsory to tackle online grooming, sexting and youngsters viewing internet porn. A number of MPs from different parties have come out in support of the measure. Former Cabinet ministers Dominic Grieve, Nicky Morgan, Maria Miller, Dame Caroline Spelman and former Children’s minister Tim Loughton are understood to be backing the change. At least seven Labour MPs - Sarah Champion, Graham Allen and Jon Cruddas - are said to be in support of it, as is a DUP MP Jim Shannon. The change to the National Curriculum - which would be the biggest overhaul of sex education for 17 years - is proposed in an amendment to the Children and Social Work Bill which was published in the House of Commons last week. A Department for Education spokesman said: ‘High-quality education on sex and relationships is a vital part of preparing young people for success in adult life. ‘It is compulsory in all maintained secondary schools and, as the Education Secretary said recently, we are looking at options to ensure all children have access to high-quality teaching in these subjects.

BY: ELEANOR HARDING FOR THE DAILY MAIL

2.    Media, peer, and family influences as risk factors - Media portrayals influence teen sexual behaviours. Glamorous television and magazine shots of ‘famous’ pregnant teens influence teens to engage in sexual activity and become pregnant themselves. Some teens decide to get pregnant so they can drop out of school. Girls who have lived in foster care have double the teen pregnancy rate of peers outside the foster care system. Girls whose fathers are in the home as they grow up are less likely to become teen parents. Ignorance of effective contraceptives leads to teen pregnancy. Some teens get pregnant in order to force a sexual partner into more commitment. Some are defiantly rebelling against what they perceive as overly strict parental rules. Some are engaged in sexual behaviours but lack knowledge about how to obtain contraceptives to prevent pregnancy, while others are pressured by their sexual partners not to use condoms. Thus, many factors are involved in teen pregnancy and many strategies need to be considered in attempts to decrease rates (Honig, 1984Honig, A.S. 1984. Developmental effects on children of pregnant adolescents [research review].  The biggest risk for teen mothers is delaying prenatal care. In the USA, ‘7.2% received no care at all’ (Weiss, 2011Weiss, R.E. (2011, December 22). Teen pregnancy. Retrieved  Some reasons for lack of care are teen denial of the pregnancy and fear of telling parents. Very young teens have a higher chance of pregnancy and birth complications. So do teens who smoke, since birth weights are lower for smoking mothers. In a UK study, mothers who smoked prenatally had children with lower reading scores in the fourth grade; and the more packs smoked during pregnancy, the stronger the difficulties later on. Drug use is another high-risk factor for difficulties in birth outcomes for pregnant women. The Kaiser Permanente Early Start programme in California helps women stop substance abuse during pregnancy and estimates that such prenatal intervention programmes could save $2 billion annually

-       The social causation model, Conger explained, provides a framework for considering the way in which economic disadvantage and social conditions affect family functioning and the ways that children develop. Recent studies have provided evidence that economic factors influence families. Costello and colleagues (2003), for example, found that children whose families were lifted out of poverty when a gambling casino opened on an Indian reservation showed improvement in both psychiatric symptoms and conduct problems. Specifically, this study found that externalizing signs, including such behavior disorders as conduct disorder, improved, but that families’ improved economic circumstances did not affect the rate of internalizing psychiatric problems, such as depression. The researchers concluded that the improvements came about in part because of improved parenting practices. Experimental studies, such as the New Hope study (Huston et al., 2003), have also shown that interventions that increased employment and reduced poverty resulted in similar improvements. Researchers have described three primary models for thinking about how economic factors influence families: the family stress model, the investment model, and the interactionist model. Research on the family stress model goes back to the 1930s, Conger said, and has since been well replicated using many samples from diverse backgrounds. It is based on evidence from both human and animal studies that punishing experiences, such as economic pressure,1exacerbate negative affect, which can take many forms, such as despondency, depression, anger, or aggression (Berkowitz, 1969). These sorts of emotions can disrupt family relationships. The effect of the hardship depends on the way it affects daily life—in other words, the emotional response of the family and the individual are what determines the psychological effect of the event. When parents become depressed, angry, and sullen with one another and have increased conflict, the result is often harsh and inconsistent parenting or withdrawal. For adolescents, that can mean increases in risky behavior and less development of the sorts of competencies that protect them from those risks. Conger observed that other sorts of distress may also affect families in the same way. That is, when stress and challenge are high for parents, they generally have an increase in emotional and behavioral problems, which in turn affect family functioning and increase risks for children. The model, which is consistent with findings from numerous studies (Conger et al., 2010;Conger and Conger, 2008; Conger and Donnellan, 2007), is illustrated in Figure 5-1. Some interventions based on this model have focused on improving families’ economic circumstances. However, although the downward spiral can occur very quickly, such interventions work much more slowly. Thus, in Conger’s view, interventions that reduce the harm during the economic transition are also needed. Promising targets include: The family stress model of economic hardship. SOURCE: Conger and Conger, 2008. Reproduced with permission from Sage Publications. Copyright © 2008 by Sage.

Reducing parental distress,

Reducing parental conflict and relationship     difficulties,

Promoting effective parenting, and

Incorporating the children’s perspectives, that is,     encouraging them to feel that they are part of the solution to the     family’s difficulties.

While these approaches appear to hold promise, Conger identified areas in which further research is needed. For example, not enough is known about potentially lasting effects of hardship experienced by young children and how they might affect adolescent behavior and risk-taking. The role of self-regulatory and personality processes, which can play a protective role, could also be better understood.

3.    Alcohol and teen pregnancy

- Heavy drinking can lead to teen pregnancy. Teachers in a health course for teens need to explain clearly how different the brain is when a teen drinks heavily. Weekend drinking contests are frequent for some teens. The teenage brain seems to be less reactive to alcohol's short-term effects. Yet, for teens, alcohol impairs the memory system in the hippocampus and severely limits the ability of the frontal lobes to carry out thoughtful and logical thinking. ‘Without mature frontal lobes, young people are less able to weigh negatives consequences and inhibit impulsive behavior like binge drinking … Binge drinking can lead to unsafe sex and unwanted pregnancy’

A teen couple came to ask me whether the beer party they had attended a few weeks before where they had more than 12 beers each would affect the embryo of an early pregnancy they now found themselves facing, a few weeks after that party.

- Substance use among adolescents increases the risk of unplanned pregnancies, which then increases the risk of fetal exposure to addictive, teratogenic substances. Specific interventions are necessary to target pregnancy planning and contraception among reproductive age substance users. Screening for substance use using the CRAFFT is recommended in all health care settings treating adolescent patients. Screening for tobacco and nicotine use is also recommended along with provision of smoking cessation interventions. Using motivational interviewing style and strategies is recommended to engage adolescents in discussions related to reducing substance use, risky sexual behavior, and probability of unplanned pregnancy or late-detection pregnancy. Earlier interventions that strengthen autonomy and resourcefulness in recognizing and caring for an unplanned conception is a form of advanced directive that may well reduce fetal exposure to tobacco, alcohol, and drugs and simultaneously empower girls and women in self-care